This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
Paul Feig Judd Apatow Barry Mendel Clayton Townsend Annie Mumolo Kristen Wiig Lisa Yadavaia
by Annie Mumolo & Kristen Wiig
This material is the property of So Happy for You! Productions, LLC (A wholly owned subsidiary of Universal City Studios, Inc.) and is intended and restricted solely for studio use by studio personnel. Distribution or disclosure of the material to unauthorized persons is prohibited. The sale, copying or reproduction of this material in any form is also prohibited.
FADE IN: EXT. UPSCALE MODERN HOME - NIGHT The ultimate bachelor pad. it. A Porsche is parked in front of
ANNIE (O.S.) I’m so glad you called. TED (O.S.) I’m so glad you were free. ANNIE (O.S.) I love your eyes. TED (O.S.) Cup my balls. ANNIE (O.S.) Ok, yes, alright, I can do that. TED (O.S.) Oh, there it is! INT. BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS ANNIE WALKER, mid 30's, is having sweaty sex with TED, handsome, 40. In a series of close-ups and jump cuts, we see Annie in the middle of a very long, vigorous session. ANNIE Oh, that feels good. TED You know what to do! ANNIE I’m so glad I got to see you again. JUMP CUT to see she’s now bouncing on top of him. ANNIE (CONT’D) Oh yes! (then, looking concerned) Uh, okay, wait, hold on. You and I are on different rhythms I think. TED I want to go fast!
2. ANNIE Sure--
He bounces Annie SUPER FAST. INT. CLEAN, UPSCALE MODERN BATHROOM - MORNING Annie stands in front of a mirror in nice lingerie. She puts on lotion, make-up, brushes her hair, mascara, etc. She getting ready to... Creep back into the bed, where Ted is still sleeping. She gets in and begins to position herself to show her good parts. Coughs and nudges Ted to wake him up. Annie quickly pretends she’s still asleep. He taps her. ANNIE (gasps/ pretending) Oh! I was having a nightmare, I was so scared. Good Morning. TED Good morning. You look beautiful. ANNIE (acting embarrassed) What? No. I’m sure I look terrible. I just woke up. I’m sure I’m a mess. TED You slept over. I did. ANNIE
TED I thought we had a rule against that. ...oh. ANNIE
TED I’m kidding. ANNIE Oh, that’s funny. You’re funny in the morning. TED I like hanging out with you.
3. ANNIE I love hanging out with you. I think we get along really well. And you’re so sexy... TED I know. Look, I just have a lot coming up at work. And I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep. ANNIE We’re on the same page. I’m not looking for a relationship right now either, let’s just say that. Whatever you want, I can do. I like “simple”, I’m not like the other girls who would be like “be my boyfriend!” Unless you were like, “yeah!”, then I’d be like “maybe”. They hug tightly and he kisses her deeply. go. Stares at her... Then he lets her
TED Wow, this is awkward. I really want you to leave but I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a dick. ANNIE (speechless) Awkward moment leading into ...
Oh. Annie stares.
EXT. UPSCALE MODERN HOME DRIVEWAY- MORNING Annie does the walk of shame out of the house. She attempts to exit through the driveway gate but it won’t open. Tries to pull it open to fit through the crack but can’t. She sighs, then starts to climb over the gate. As she’s straddling the top, it starts to OPEN. The HOUSEKEEPER in her car with her clicker. Annie WAVES to her from the top of the opening gate. Mortified. Annie jumps down and runs to her car. A old neighbor getting his paper, stares at this sad spectacle. His dog stares too.
4. EXT. PARK - DAY A BOOT-CAMP workout session is going on, men and women are painfully following along. The instructor is yelling angrily at the class. WAY IN THE BACKGROUND we see two women peaking out from behind a tree. It is Annie and her best friend, LILLIAN, mid 30’s. They are taking his class without him knowing. LILLIAN He scares me. Me too. ANNIE
LILLIAN But he’s an excellent motivator. ANNIE That’s true. Oh shit, he sees us. From the distance we hear the BOOT CAMP INSTRUCTOR yelling. BOOT CAMP INSTRUCTOR Hey! If you want to take this class, you’re going to have to pay for it like the rest of these bitches! Caught, Annie and Lillian pretend to randomly dance. BOOT CAMP INSTRUCTOR (CONT’D) Oh, dancing? In the park?! You are not dancing in the park. Freeloaders! I’m comin’ over there. The women run off. Lillian yells back.
LILLIAN Sorry, Rodney, we’re on a budget! INT. JONI’S RESTAURANT - DAY Annie and Lillian continue laughing, as they sit in their workout clothes, casually picking food off each other’s plates as they talk. ANNIE I’m so glad we got to do this, I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.
5. LILLIAN I know, I’ve been in Chicago a lot. ANNIE I know, sleeping at Dougie’s house. LILLIAN It’s just closer to work. ANNIE How’s it going with him anyway? LILLIAN I don’t know. It’s fine, but I feel like he’s been a bit distant lately. He calls me “dude” a lot. ANNIE That doesn’t mean anything. I think everything’s fine. LILLIAN I don’t know. Anyway, what did you do last night? Umm... ANNIE
LILLIAN What did you do last night? You are not telling me something. ANNIE I hung out with Ted for a little bit. I knew it! LILLIAN
ANNIE We had fun. It was fun. LILLIAN Here’s what I don’t like about it. You hate yourself after you see him, every time. And then we go through this and you feel like shit, and it’s almost like you’re doing it because you feel bad about yourself.
And it was fun. You’re a total catch and any guy would be psyched to be your man. you had sex with him. ANNIE I couldn’t! You don’t want to look right at it.an adult sleep over.Annie! ANNIE I’m sorry. LILLIAN Ew..6. I know you say he’s cute and all that stuff. It’s like. Annie sticks out her elbows. LILLIAN Oh. ANNIE Let us offer. LILLIAN They do that. It’s too aggressive. If we don’t offer-LILLIAN You’re supposed to slap it away. It wasn’t a big deal. ANNIE (CONT’D) That’s my impression... Annie imitates a penis.. but it makes you feel like shit. did you let him sleep over IN YOUR MOUTH? . He’s so hot though! LILLIAN Look. ANNIE He called me late and we hung out. (MORE) .. ANNIE We had. He kept putting it near my face. but I can’t cause I have elbows. LILLIAN Those are the balls? ANNIE I’m trying to make it round..
ANNIE I love you. LILLIAN (CONT'D) You should just make room for somebody who is nice to you. He’s an asshole! Annie has food covering a tooth. LILLIAN I don’t want to go to work today! Lillian fishes in her purse for her phone and checks it. Oh. Ya know what Teri? I don’t want to pick up your monkey lamps. Lillian has food on her teeth too. ANNIE There’s nothing wrong with my teeth. He told me we are what we are. only 15. LILLIAN You’re right. ANNIE I don’t need dental work. Sorry. he’s honest. And I like that! LILLIAN He also told you you need dental work. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Let’s see how many times Teri has called me. ANNIE LILLIAN I love you. EXT.DAY Annie and Lillian are walking in downtown Milwaukee. and we’re just having fun. LILLIAN You’re so beautiful. MILWAUKEE STREET . Will you marry me? Yes.7. ANNIE You know what. .
Lillian notices Annie has stopped to stare at a CLOSED DOWN BAKERY across the street.DAY A family owned. . Annie stands at a counter talking to an excited ASIAN COUPLE. ANNIE Monkey lamps? LILLIAN I cannot wait to never work for a psychopath again. I should have gone down Mason. I’m the genius that opened up a bakery during a recession. LILLIAN (CONT’D) I’m sorry. but we can see that it used to say “Cake Baby. that’s sweet. like the CBGB's of baked goods. look away. That will go away. INT. Thank you. I don't know. ANNIE LILLIAN Come on.” Between the two words is a cool drawing of 1950’s RETRO PINUP style woman with a cake tucked under her arm. LILLIAN They were good cakes Annie. ANNIE Look at how you guys are making this decision together. ANNIE Do you have any ideas of what style? ASIAN WIFE Oh. Some of the letters have been removed.8. ANNIE Well. outdated jewelry store in downtown Milwaukee. CHOLODECKI’S JEWELRY STORE . what do you think honey? ASIAN HUSBAND Whatever you want. You guys love each other huh? Oh that’s sweet. Look away. It's cool and unique.
Show me your “love-iseternal” face. ANNIE (CONT’D) You can not trust anybody. DON No wonder. Annie tries to make a pleasant face. You don’t need a nickname because Kahlua is so delicious. horrified. come over here please. Kahlua. KAHLUA Sup. did you guys want to look at these engagement rings? ASIAN HUSBAND We’re gonna browse. You’re not telling everyone your problems and how your boyfriend left you and maybe marriage will work out. So. (MORE) . when you’re selling an engagement ring. that’s two years. he might not even be Asian. DON. is glaring at her from his desk. KAHLUA. a very pretty African-American woman. They had to go somewhere. you know? Cause they’re living with ya. you have to represent lifelong happiness. Four years. Don-Don? DON You’re so good at nicknames. DON (CONT’D) No. I mean look at him. walks over. ANGLE ON: Annie's boss. Especially someone you’re in a relationship with. Ever. tops.9. They had to run. DON What was that about? ANNIE (searching) Nothing. That’s not eternal. It is scary. Annie. You don’t know who you’re sleeping next to. It’s scary. The couple turn and leave. You’re selling life long happiness.
who is trying to mimic Kahlua’s face. DON (CONT'D) Don’t sue me for touching you. Show Annie your love-is-eternal face. ANNIE (to Oscar) You shouldn’t be behind the counter. (stepping closer to Annie) The whole reason you got this job was because your mom was my sponsor in AA and I’m doing her a favor. Don turns to the guard before leaving to a back office. Kahlua.10. Don turns to Annie. BRYNN Oh hey roomie. DON (CONT’D) Why can’t you be more like Kahlua? ANNIE I’m trying really hard here. Kahlua smiles and leaves. sits on the couch. Kahlua beams in a sensual. watching TV. A woman in her 20’s. ridiculous way. . ANNIE’S APARTMENT . DON Oscar. Thank you so much. ANNIE I understand.DUSK Annie walks into her crappy two bedroom apartment. DON (CONT’D) (to Annie) That looks like you have menstrual cramps. Brynn. get back to work. a SECURITY GUARD is lounging against the displays behind the counter. Guess what happened to me today? I got a free tattoo. In the background. BRYNN. INT. DON You’ve just got to try harder. ANNIE Hey.
sleeved dress shirt and tie.’ ANNIE You said yes? BRYNN Yeah! Look. The guy said. it looks awful.11. maybe get some frozen peas on there. Brynn. It’s like a Native American symbol meaning ‘wasted. BRYNN It’s a Mexican drinking worm. ‘sure. ANNIE You did what? BRYNN I couldn’t believe it. ‘do you want a tattoo?’ ANNIE Just a random guy? BRYNN Yeah. pulls half of her pants a giant Mexican worm to her lower back. ANNIE Yeah. GIL Maybe we’ll get a bit of ice on it. Brynn stands and lifts her shirt and down to reveal an enormous tattoo of that extends from her stomach around back half is completely infected and discharge leaking out.’ GIL enters from the bedroom smiling. GIL (uncomfortably nice) Annie! ANNIE Hi! Have you seen your sister’s tattoo? It’s really infected. he opened up the side of his van and said ‘it’s fo’ free!’ And I said. with disgusting ANNIE Oh god. He’s wearing a short- . The scabbed.
Ok. Behind Gil. Brynn has taken a bag of frozen peas out of the freezer and openly pours them down her back. . CUT TO: INT. can’t hurt. He She doesn’t have the check. Brynn moves to the kitchen to get ice. You know that tomorrow the rent is due? I was getting my check and I wondered if I could get your check too? ANNIE Yes. the check? Yes. ANNIE GIL Because it’s kind of like. An excited Lillian opens the door to reveal Annie. GIL Sure. Annie escapes to her room. Gil turns and sees Brynn.12. GIL So. Its been a little.NIGHT DING DONG. It’s coming. ANNIE Yes. Brynn gives her a thumbs up and goes back into the freezer. posing with bottles of wine and a stack of magazines. They clatter onto the ground.. LILLIAN’S APARTMENT . just wanted a quick word.. Annie stares at the smiling Gil. put the bag on it. smiles warmly and chuckles. GIL (CONT’D) Um. ANNIE (CONT’D) (to Brynn) You’re supposed to keep them in the bag. going everywhere. needingit-today type sort of situation.. I’m getting the money.
Let me help you with those. Your creepy neighbor invited me in to his place to watch the news again. what is that? LILLIAN I got engaged. LILLIAN Ew.. ANNIE What? WHAT?! LILLIAN He asked me last night! That’s why he’s been acting so weird. let me in.. Annie walks in confused by this. I just got hot. Come in. I’m shocked. ANNIE Oh my god. Welcome to the magazine and wine party!! Lillian excitedly takes the wine. Would you like some apple? Lillian splays her hand. showing off a sparkling DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING. I’m very happy you’re here... he would just stay away from me. ANNIE (seeing ring) Lillian. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Have a seat. LILLIAN I know. Lillian is practically skipping.13. ANNIE Hurry up. let me take your magazines. because I want to eat an apple. ANNIE (in shock) Oh my god. but I’m happy. I guess he’s been planning it for like two months and he’s not a good liar and so if he felt like he was gonna blow it. Oh my god. Lillian. LILLIAN Are you OK? .
14.. It’s fine and I’m more than happy to do it. You’re going through a tricky time. ANNIE Stop. LILLIAN So you’ll be my Maid of Honor. ANNIE Oh god. ANNIE My pits are sweating. of course I will. Lillian’s cell phone rings. They finally separate. you’re getting married. yeah. Annie hugs Lillian tightly.. it’s a lot to ask. It’s not too much. like Lillian’s going off to war. My stomach hurts... (they both laugh) Hey. honey! Yeah. LILLIAN (goofing) Can you hold that thought? fiancee calling.planning a wedding. She smiles. I’m hot. ANNIE (into the phone) Yay!! It’s my .. ANNIE . LILLIAN Are you sure you’re up for it? I know it’s a lot to ask and put on on your plate. Ah! What is happening?! LILLIAN I cant believe it. ANNIE Lill. I don’t know. Oh my god. We can plan everything together. LILLIAN We’ll have so much fun. Lillian hugs her back but it’s a decidedly awkward moment as Annie hugs her way too long and hard..
I miss you too. INT. And the teeth nearly killed me. You’re not an alcoholic. (MORE) . I signed up to speak at AA tonight. I have to go. I forgot to tell you. ANNIE Mom! I keep telling you. hold on. I’ll be right back. I forgot. on a painting of Wynonna Judd. Painting those giant bangs was a royal pain in my can. There is this one amazing story I have to tell you. let me check.DAY Close-up of JUDY. Annie is left laughing too hard by herself.15. I should have painted her mouth shut. Annie’s mom. WALKER HOUSE . JUDY Oh. she’s excited! Yeah. I know baby. INT. JUDY Only cause I’ve never had a drink! But they are inspiring. We’re gonna be late for the engagement party. um. (then) Annie.NIGHT Annie lays in bed looking at a photo of her and Lillian as kids. you’re not supposed to go to those things. ANNIE putting the finishing touches JUDY It’s Wynonna Judd. you should hurry up. ANNIE Mom. Wow. LILLIAN I just told Annie. ANNIE’S APARTMENT . freaking out inside. Lillian makes a goofy face at Annie and they both laugh joyously as Lillian runs out of the room. Yeah.
Marvin J. I go everywhere by myself. They’ve been married twelve years. JUDY Ok. whatever. anytime. JUDY Are you sure you don’t want to move in with me? ANNIE Thanks mom but no way. Cause it’s only up from there. but she’s still a whore. He turned into a gay prostitute and he realized he hit his bottom. ANNIE Well. ANNIE I don’t want to think about that.. hitting bottom is good. Thanks to that new whore Barb. . Maybe this is your bottom. JUDY Oh honey. ANNIE It’s supposed to be anonymous. I guess I’m going to Lill’s party all by myself. But I’m telling you. JUDY OK. JUDY (CONT'D) This gentleman who started blow jobbing to get crack. come on. I’m sure she greets him in the evening beaver first.16. Positive message. JUDY Oh honey. ANNIE Mom. don’t talk to me about being by yourself. ANNIE Thanks for the pep talk Mom. No way in hell. His name is Marvin Johnson.
THE HUNT CLUB . They head over to RITA. ANNIE I kind of do. . The valet can’t get it started. I can’t believe Dougie’s boss is a member here. And Dougie I guess. Live music.17.CHICAGO SUBURB . FANCY. and me I guess too now. Annie smooths her dress. a voluptuous. You don’t need your own place. People entering in fancy clothes getting out of luxury cars. I’m gonna go. surprised at how extravagant it all is. self-conscious.DAY Annie’s eyes go wide as she walks into the elegant dining room. C’mon. EXT. JUDY Think about it. then sees Lillian. 30’s. Annie. self-conscious about her car. let’s go say hi to the rest of the bridal party. A lively cocktail party’s underway. She hands her keys to the valet. tired housewife. INT.DAY Annie pulls up a tree-lined driveway of a BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY CLUB. ANNIE Sorry. LILLIAN Isn’t that crazy? ANNIE It’s so beautiful. ANNIE (CONT’D) You have to punch it a few times. LILLIAN I know. Happy upper-class people. Alright. Annie! LILLIAN ANNIE Oh my gosh Lillian. it needs a wash. Oh gosh. and his parents too. HUNT CLUB . this is your engagement party. dressed expensively.
Annie! This is my husband Kevin. I cracked a blanket in half. BECCA. 30. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Do you remember my cousin Rita? Rita! ANNIE RITA Annie! I haven’t seen you since you graduated high school. they say things that are horrible and there is semen all over everything. yeah. I love saying that. Do you get where I’m going with that? ANNIE I do. ANNIE RITA They are cute. We’re newlyweds. ANNIE Congratulations. They smell. husband KEVIN. So cute. She stands very close to her BECCA Hi. They’re disgusting.18. . LILLIAN She has three kids now. The one from work. RITA Three boys. BY THE PATIO BAR LILLIAN Annie. but when they reach that age they’re disgusting. RITA I cracked it in half. cute and perky. We’re in the trenches together. they’re sticky. this is Becca.
lovey gesture. BECCA I’m so sorry. This is my husband. You don’t have a husband. tomboyish. BECCA We finish each others sentences. Rewind! KEVIN BECCA I’m Becca. I’m solo. BALD MAN Do you want to go for a walk later? ANNIE I can’t. ANNIE No. I’m sorry. ANNIE I’m not with anybody. sorry. then turns to see a BALD MAN with a neck brace. standing behind her. 30’s. BECCA Thank you. . BECCA I’m so sorry! Let’s start it again. is this your husband? Annie looks confused. They do a dumb. late 40’s. Sorry. We went on a sweetheart honeymoon.19. He looks like a strict math teacher. BY THE BANDSTAND Annie and Lillian stand with MEGAN. ANNIE Where’d you guys go? BECCA AND KEVIN Disneyworld. BECCA (CONT’D) So. I don’t know him. looking a bit odd in her floral dress.
ANNIE No. LILLIAN And this is Dougie's sister Megan. Believe it or not. broke a lot of shit. Megan.. We had a connection that I don’t even know if I can-(sees something behind Annie) Oh man. I’m not gonna say I survived. Oh shit! ANNIE MEGAN Yeah.’ Not with his mouth. violent fall. ANNIE How’s it going? MEGAN It’s going great.20. Annie looks and sees a very smart looking African-American MAN in his 60’s who is wearing an ascot and smoking a pipe standing next to her. I’m Megan. I’m not with him. I’ll be right back. into my goddamn soul Annie. MEGAN (excited) Alright.I’m assuming telepathically. Lillian rushes off. Just got pins in my legs. (sees something) Oh. I swear to god that dolphin looked not at me. wait. I'm on the mend. .’ Took a hard. hit a lot of railings. my grandma’s not supposed to have wine. what an asshole I am. I’m gonna say I thrived. Kind of pin-balled down. but he said it. ‘oh shit. Megan holds her hand out to shake his. I fell off a cruise ship. Where’s my manners? You must be Annie’s husband. and said ‘I’m saving you Megan.. I’m glad he’s single ‘cause I’m gonna climb that like a tree. but into my soul. I met a dolphin down there.
this is Annie. Smiling. Helen hugs Lillian. if you’ll excuse me I’d better go check on the (in perfect French) hors d’oeuvres. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Helen. (looking around) There she is. LILLIAN I’m so glad you guys are finally meeting. Which is good. grabs Annie and pulls her away. the gorgeous HELEN turns and looks right at Annie. HELEN Oh.21. HELEN You’re so cute! Oh. me too. seems thrown by their intimacy. Annie! Annie It’s . you’re so sweet. Lillian re-appears. In slow motion. Annie swallows. Perry. because so are we. floor-length GOWN. HELEN Maid of honor! There she is! so lovely to meet Lillian’s childhood friend! ANNIE You’re so pretty. She’s BEAUTIFUL. So great meeting you. LILLIAN Helen is married to Dougie’s boss. She walks toward them. now I have to introduce you to Helen. Harris. Helen! C’mere. ANNIE I know. LILLIAN Okay. Mr. Lillian hugs her back tightly. straightens her plastic beads. wearing a much-too-fancy. HELEN And they’re so close now they’re literally joined at the hip. Everything about her is perfect. like a goddess.
ANNIE It’s a great party. You two deserve each other as well as a lifetime of happiness. Annie. people clap. ANNIE Um. finishes a speech. Maid of honor. ED. I’m Annie Walker. CLUB . you’re up. Annie . (everyone toasts) All right. Helen gives her a smile motioning Annie to sit. So much that I think you two should just get married now.. Here’s to Doug and Lillian. as Annie nervously takes the mic from Ed. hi everyone. thanks to all of you for coming.LATER .22. Anyway. Helen turns and glides off into the crowd. some whistles. and I really do look forward to having Doug as part of the family. LILLIAN She’s great isn’t she? ANNIE She’s awesome. who sits down. so I’ll just say this.NIGHT Lillian’s father. LILLIAN Yay. Everyone claps. ED . stunned. Helen stands clapping and takes the mic from her. I’m so happy to be a part of this celebration. a vision. So. enough of me. Save me a shitload of money. INT. (everyone LAUGHS) People always laugh when I say that but I’m not joking. Annie! ANNIE (laughs) I actually don’t want to go on with a long speech. Annie looks a bit surprised. watches after her. cheers! She raises her glass..
Everyone “Ahh’s” and claps a little bit LOUDER. HELEN (CONT’D) Everybody. I just want to thank you for carefully selecting me as your Maid of Honor. remember when the four of us spent that weekend in Miami. I know you had some other choices. raise your glasses to the couple of the decade: DOUG AND LILLIAN! Have a great night. People applaud and LAUGH. You’re like my sister and I love you. that concludes the speeches for the night. I still need my drunken Saturday nights at Rockin’ Sushi! Helen winks. that was so sweet. dessert wine is out. are moved. Now. ANNIE I just wanted to say really quick that you’re SO special to me. Annie's mouth drops. Lillian. drinking wine and eating that peanut brittle. You made me realize I can trust people again. sorry inside joke. sniffling. Well.23. you’d better not keep my Lill on a leash. (laughs) We got such a tummy ache! I will never forget all that we shared on that trip. Lill. Annie stands up and takes the mic from Helen. including Lillian. ‘Dougly’. and the boys ended up working the whole time? You and I sat by the pool the whole time. . you are my best friend. Without thinking. Helen wipes away a tear. One of the reasons is because I’ve known you my entire life and you’ve really helped shape who I am. So let me just say. I told you things I’ve never told anyone before. She gets emotional again. HELEN Thanks Annie. People. HELEN (CONT’D) (composing herself) And I’m so proud of you.
. ANNIE Speaking of Consuelo.. Helen instantly appears again with her mic. HELEN (CONT’D) Thank you for coming. Thank you all for coming. (speaks in Thai) It means. HELEN (CONT’D) That’s it for tonight. let me say . The crowd quiets. Helen “looks” at Lillian. And I hope and I pray that I never have to. Consuelo? People are crying and hugging. I feel I can communicate with you with simply a look. That’s you Lill. You’re my angel and soulmate. . And so I want to say to you and to everyone here.. but Annie’s back. Helen reappears with her HELEN Thank you. one last thing. own WIRELESS MIC. Lillian and I took Spanish together in school.24. keeping the mic. HELEN I feel so close to you and can trust you... En la escuelas and el azul marcada. and gracias. Annie sits down. “You are a part of me.gracias para vivar en la casa.. Annie pops back up. Tienes con vivir en las. So.” (bowing) Kap-hoon-kow. Helen has concluded the speeches. I went to Thailand recently with my husband Perry and there was a beautiful saying that I learned there.forstuatsa. Annie looks around the room and sees everyone is in awe. It’s rare to meet an adult you really connect with. a part that I could never live without. dessert wine is out.
Keep shinin’. I’ll be on your side for ever mooooore. in bad times.gown thing. . right? LILLIAN Come on. Helen steps forward with her now louder mic and in a very loud R & B voice sings with Annie. It’s just weird..25. That’s what friends are fooor!!!” EXT.. What? LILLIAN ANNIE She’s in your wedding and you’ve only know her eight months. Lillian smiles and shrugs. that’s what friends are for. awkward beat. ANNIE So what’s up with her anyway? Helen.. ANNIE Lillian. Knowin’ you can always count on me. HELEN AND ANNIE “In good times. ANNIE The whole. like I could go out and catch another dude to marry.NIGHT Annie is waiting for her car with Lillian. LILLIAN (sarcastic) Engagement parties rule.. Made me feel awesome. HUNT CLUB . She stares at Lillian for a long. Get it all out. ANNIE (CONT’D) (suddenly singing) “Keep smilin’. get it out. right? Annie laughs. for sure.
LILLIAN You have to get to know her.26. INT. I will. Come on. I’ll like her.. OFFICER RHODES. I know we’ve only known each other for five minutes.NIGHT ANGRY ROCK MUSIC BLARES. ROAD . Annie starts doing mocking gibberish like a five year old. A He’s all . Have you met Lillian? She’s my best friend. just the two of you? As a favor to me? ANNIE Ok. Just then. I’m telling you. EXT. she’s actually really cool Annie. ANNIE (mocking) My name is Helen. which I think you really should. She’s a good one. 30’s. watches her walk. ANNIE (CONT’D) No. ANNIE’S CAR . business and is not having it. A POLICE CAR sounds its siren behind her. ANNIE I’m sure if you like her.NIGHT Annie is walking the line as part of a drunk test. I’m sorry. but she is only drunk with indignation. Annie drives fast. no. policeman. You live in Milwaukee? Oh. She hugs her and leaves. LILLIAN I love you Annie. Will you just do me a favor and hang out with her once. LILLIAN You know what. angrily swerving all over the place like a drunk person.. which turns into more fake Thai impressions as she gets madder and madder.
(then. OFFICER RHODES So you’re just a terrible driver. then starts to dance. ANNIE I knew it. . See. ANNIE Here. License and registration. She’s cute and he wants to keep her there. ANNIE I’m not drunk. I promise. I do. you can stop walking. could I do this? Hey if I Annie starts to dance on the “line” she’s supposed to be walking. I’m so stupid.27. He keeps smiling. ANNIE I told you I’m not drunk. (then) Okay. Look. That’s what happens when you break the law. What? ANNIE Why? OFFICER RHODES Funny thing about brake lights. fake smiling) Do you still have to give me a ticket? He searches for words. I promise I’ll get them fixed this week. Awkward silence. I believe you. Those have been out for like a year. Miss. if you please. was. You’re supposed to have them. Not well. OFFICER RHODES Yes. RHODES I would hope so. Ha ha. ANNIE Can I stop walking now? OFFICER RHODES I’ll tell you when to stop walking. But I’m still going to have to write you a ticket. Ugh.
it was your face. Starts looking in her purse. RHODES . I used to work on that street. You had your sign. RHODES Cream puffs. that was you. Awkward silence. RHODES You made good cakes. that’s what you called them. you’d put something in them like a cream or a custard? ANNIE Cream puffs. Delicious. Sorry.28. Thanks. I live on Ashley. with a wormy face. OFFICER RHODES No kidding. ANNIE RHODES You used to make these little pastries. her license. ANNIE That was me. I used to get served by a tall broad guy. We’re practically neighbors. ANNIE My boyfriend. She hands him OFFICER RHODES Oh. Wynnewood Drive. Cake Baby! You’re Cake Baby. ANNIE Oh. where? ANNIE I owned a bakery there for a little bit. RHODES Oh.
Rhodes. RHODES You know what. I really appreciate it. it drives him nuts. RHODES Well I appreciated your cakes. OFFICER RHODES (CONT’D) Here. He takes back the card and writes on it. thanks. ANNIE No. if you mention my name that I referred you. OFFICER RHODES That’s my name right there. thank you. so we’re even. I get it. he was my boyfriend. But then he left when the business went under. Officer Rhodes. Under one condition. Thanks. then rips the ticket up. He thinks. ANNIE Oh.. Get those lights fixed tomorrow so you don’t kill anyone. OFFICER RHODES Let’s forget about this. ANNIE Ok. I mean it.29. I’m glad I never tipped him. It’s a buddy of mine. he’ll give you a particularly good deal. He hands her a business card. RHODES You’re kidding. Rhodes stares at her. Cozbi’s? RHODES With a “z”. Don’t mention the whole Bill Cosby thing to him. What a dick. ANNIE (reading) Bill. .. His body shop’s in Milwaukee. Different guy.
the rest of them are. ANNIE He watches her go. EXT. ANNIE I played a little in high school. Annie finishes. It’s good we’re finally getting a chance to hang out.DAY Annie and Helen are walking through the tennis club on their way to the courts. SIGHS sadly and eats it in two bites. HELEN I know right? Neither of them means it. thank you. HELEN I’m so glad we were able to do this. All the work and mess was for one cupcake. Haha. It’s beautiful. the frosting sculpted into a realistic looking 3D orchid. ANNIE I’m glad we’re doing this too. She is meticulously putting the finishing touches on the most elaborate cupcake ever. ANNIE That’s really nice of you. chatting before their big game. surrounded by baking supplies. then heads off to bed. I’m the best of them. Actually. Thank you. ANNIE’S APARTMENT .30. looks at the cupcake. TENNIS CLUB . but not me. OFFICER RHODES We’re not all bad. HELEN I didn’t know you played tennis. It’s a work of art.NIGHT Annie is in her small kitchen. . She waves and drives off. INT.
these are my kids. Step. ALYSSA Step kids. ANNIE I think we stay the same. I don’t think so. HELEN I think we change all the time. which we always stay as. HELEN Not really. isn’t it? ANNIE I don’t know. . HELEN I think if you’re growing. 13. ANNIE But they still stay who they are.31. HELEN (CONT’D) Oh. Poor thing is so busy. HELEN Well she certainly enjoys tennis now. then you’re changing. 16. Helen stops them. ANNIE She’s not really that into sports. do people really change? HELEN I think they do. Even when we were little. but grow a little bit. pretty much. RYAN. ANNIE But we’re changing from who we are. pass by. HELEN (CONT’D) It’s too bad Lillian couldn’t play with us. she didn’t like anything too competitive. Annie. and ALYSSA. It’s funny how people change.
Helen calls after them cheerily. with insane intensity. They walk off. and “other female parts”. Ryan and Alyssa. HELEN (trying to joke) Aren’t they hilarious? Excuse me. who returns it ferociously. neck. They both smile warmly at each other. put a quarter in the swear jar! (to Annie) So cute. my husband’s kids. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! Annie and Helen smash the ball into each other’s breast. also rich but in less great shape. What are you guys up to? ALYSSA (lots of attitude) We’re going to the snack bar. chest. HELEN Okay. a rich. Helen is with her partner BARBARA. TENNIS COURT . Annie unloads on the ball. Helen smashes a serve to Annie. IN A SERIES OF SHOTS as cinematic and violent as the pool scene in Scorsese’s “The Color of Money. ANNIE Sweet kids. fit woman in her 40’s.” we see Helen and Annie have an intense showdown. misses a shot.32. HELEN Do you need a ride home later? RYAN Fuck off. Carol.DAY Helen and Annie stare intensely at each other across the net. Annie’s partner. hitting Helen in the left breast as hard as humanly possible. EXT. ANNIE (to her partner) Come on! Get your shit together! . Helen. Annie is teamed with CAROL. It is super violent.
ALL ANNIE’S POV: She serves hard and runs Helen around the court. and Brynn sit on the couch. ANNIE I’ve been thinking. That’s it. Helen’s step kids are watching and laugh. There are three people living here.DAY Annie. Gil. knocking her down. Brynn needs to start paying rent. BRYNN Yeah.33. BRYNN “Hello fellas. She’s been here long enough. it’s not fair for me to be paying half. I have no way of earning money unless I go prostitute down on the street. Put your American sausage in my English McMuffin.” ANNIE I don’t even know what you’re talking about anymore. If she doesn’t start paying. ANNIE I don’t want you to do that. GIL Is this about the diary again? . We split it three ways. So technically I’m only allowed to tour. Annie accidentally serves very hard directly into Carol’s back. RYAN I’ve seen better tennis playing in a tampon commercial. she has to leave. here I am. what do you say? GIL Well she can’t work. INT. The three of us live here. she’s on a tourist Visa. ANNIE’S APARTMENT .
..” EXT. GIL Well. no. no. ANNIE No. I think before you make those sort of demands you need to think about putting a note on your door that says “Don’t come into my room. But then because of the personal details and the bits that mentioned Gil and Brynn.. hello. HELEN Look. and wear my clothes. Don’t go in my room. ANNIE You read my journal?? BRYNN At first I did not know that it was your diary. Lillian looks shocked. ANNIE What diary? BRYNN Your diary proved very interesting to read.34.DAY Annie and the bridesmaids stand in a parking lot of a standalone Brazilian steak-house in a not-great part of town. CHURRA-CHI BRAZILIAN RESTAURANT . hand-written book. BECCA Wow. I’ve never been to this part of town. We’re not quite sure if she thinks so. ANNIE I know it looks a little scary from the outside. I thought it was a very sad. you can get your checks cashed next door. but the food is really good. Don’t read my journal. read my diary. This is where Brazilian’s come to eat. Authentic Brazilian.
As Helen stares at the place like she just smelt dog shit. Helen wrinkles her nose and flags the waiter.DAY The girls walk into the Brazilian-themed restaurant. Several OUT OF SHAPE WAITERS walk around. I hope you’re all hungry for Churrasco Brazil. Helen picks away at her salad. so that’s good. Just then.. ANNIE Plus. Everyone’s having a great time. which looks more like a rundown English steakhouse. She always drags me to the weirdest places and the food is always incredible.. ANNIE I just want to toast all of you ladies. So happy to get to know you guys and happy to say I have four new friends. five waiters all holding HUGE SWORDS with different types of MEAT skewered on them surround the table. each holding a sword with huge hunks of meat on it. LILLIAN To my bridesmaids. you get a lot for your money too.35. Annie grabs Lillian and pulls her toward the restaurant as the other girls follow. LILLIAN Annie’s really good at this. CHURRA-CHI BRAZILIAN RESTAURANT .. BECCA Helen. INT. The girls all look excited and start pointing at different meats as the waiters start to carve large hunks onto their plates. LILLIAN This is crazy good.. . aren’t you eating any meat? The girls are scarfing down tons of food.this is such a stone cold pack of weirdos and I’m so proud. The girls all laugh and click glasses. WAITER Senoritas bonitas. Only a few customers are there.
nope. MEGAN It’s a gift. RITA Oh. Becca. So I figured we could bring Paris here. CHURRA-CHI BRAZILIAN RESTAURANT . HELEN It’s not good to eat a big meal before a fitting.’ He says. MEGAN I love that. BECCA I can’t wait to be married for as long as you’ve been married. Becca leans over to Rita.’ He’s nine. Have champagne and little cookies. since Lillian’s always wanted to go to Paris her whole life.36. Get cheese from the nice part of the store. we can dip them in chocolate fondue. . MEGAN Not me. Lillian’s seat is empty. My youngest boy comes in and says he wants to order pizza. The other night I’m slaving away to make a beautiful dinner for my family. INT.A LITTLE LATER The girls continue to eat. ANNIE Okay. I don’t bloat. I say ‘no we aren’t ordering pizza tonight. Physically. To be a mom. why don't you go fuck yourself. they’d say “Lillian and Dougie” on them. let’s talk about the shower. LILLIAN You’re lucky. ‘Mom. while Lillian’s in the bathroom. I was thinking it could have a French theme. I’ll feel a bit bloated. And to have kids.
but he’s a fucking asshole. we pull in. the whole thing.. I’ve got to spend the rest of my life with Doug. I think we can all agree on that. See if anyone else has a theme they had in mind. Also.37. “been there. I don’t know. HELEN Mmm. Fightclub. ANNIE We can have French invitations. so it’s ‘Surprise! Were gonna fight.’ We beat the shit out her. We grease up. BECCA Good idea Annie.’ He’s my brother. That poor girl Lillian who we’re all here for is probably in the bathroom balling her eyes out because she’s realizing ‘holy shit. We better blow this shit out. MEGAN I’ll just snowball on top of that. Don’t you think that would be nice? The women like that idea. Lillian doesn’t know. but a Paris theme feels a bit . BECCA What about a Pixar themed shower? We all come dressed as our favorite Pixar character. RITA Look. You know? I just think we can top it.. Annie. done that”. MEGAN I’m gonna second her. What about the bachelorette party? I got a tube top I’ve been waiting to cut the tags off of and I really want to take advantage of this opportunity. She’s not gonna forget that. right? . Female fightclub. We should throw some ideas around. can I be honest? I’m stuck with three teenage boys all day every day. I don’t know. I love him. That’s sweet.
I don’t have one. WHITNEY Helen Harris?! Hiiii! Hiiii! HELEN Hiiii! WHITNEY WHITNEY (CONT’D) Oh my god. She notices a buzzer and presses it. She grabs the door which says “OPEN” but it’s locked.CONTINUOUS They are led into a PRISTINE. Helen leans into the intercom. HELEN Whitney. VOICE FROM INSIDE Belle En Blanc. It’ll be great. really special. ANNIE We’ll figure it out. INT.DAY The bridesmaids walk up to an imposing building. ‘BELLE EN BLANC’ BRIDAL SHOP . We’re just here to shop. ALL-WHITE WONDERLAND of dresses and bridal bliss by WHITNEY. HELEN We just have to make sure it’s really. a glamorous woman. Great work. ‘BELLE EN BLANC’ BRIDAL SHOP . EXT. Annie. Absolutely no walk-ins. I’ll think of stuff. .38. BECCA Belle En Blanc! This is the best place. VOICE FROM INSIDE The next available appointment for bridesmaids fittings is in seven weeks. Reservation name? ANNIE Oh. it’s Helen. try on some dresses. Annie looks proud. I’ll buzz you right in.
HELEN Oh. WHITNEY Anyway. ANNIE Oh my god . What about this one? It’s really pretty and sweet. WHITNEY Welcome to Belle En Blanc ladies. MEGAN This is some classy shit in here-A burp escapes Megan’s mouth! RITA Jesus Christ.. I’m sorry. She heads over to it. If you need anything I’ll be in my office. The girls all gather around it and “OOO” and “AAH”. She checks the tag. this dress is $800. Helen GASPS and walks over to a beautiful ball gown.. Gosh. The tag says $250. MEGAN I want to apologize. HELEN You’re kidding. We don’t want to upstage Lillian with a fancy dress. welcome to heaven. cheaper dress. Whitney. Lillian. take a look around and get to know the dresses. I’m not even confident on which end that came out of. It’s a Fritz Bernaise. I just don’t think we can do any better. My. ANNIE (only to Helen) Whoa. Megan. Ladies. (MORE) . This is beautiful. It’s on sale! Annie’s eyes quickly scan the room and see a simpler. back to you. Whitney just gives Megan a tense smile and exits.39. ANNIE Lillian. It looks very expensive.
she wipes it away and grabs a dress. Lillian is not there. you all look beautiful. red) Is anybody else hot? . you can. you can move in it. WHITNEY Well you all look fantastic. let’s not decide on this bridesmaids dress straight away. although Megan’s face is beet red. HELEN Ladies. you can twirl. Try some things on and have some fun. you need to agree on one.. I just sent my measurements to France! The girls all chatter excitedly about this as Annie looks stung. Let’s let our bodies decide. They look great. it’s fun. ANNIE There might be a question. who smiles at her. I don’t think there’s a question. Ladies. HELEN Ladies.spread your legs apart. I might have one.MAIN FITTING AREA . She looks at Helen. INT. ANNIE (CONT'D) Maybe we should get something kind of simple? LILLIAN Don’t worry about that. guess who Helen is friends and who is designing my wedding dress? Lady St. MEGAN (sweating. A drip of sweat comes down her forehead. Embarrassed. it’s a great length. Petsois JuJu. I think this dress would look great on everybody..LATER The girls are in different dresses. BELLE EN BLANC . It’s a great color. Because. But personally. start your engines.40. the Fritz Bernaise. The ladies all head off excitedly to different dresses as Annie looks concerned. it’s one of a kind. Sadly. And it’s a great price.
She looks crazy gorgeous. You got food poisoning from that restaurant. Becca politely cups her hand over her mouth to stifle herself from getting sick. BECCA (muffled. ANNIE Lill. HELEN Oh my god. ANNIE (sweating) No. ANNIE (CONT’D) Megan. Suddenly.41. RITA It’s like an oven in here. are you okay? MEGAN I think my dress is too tight. Lillian? Lillian walks out in a very ornate COUTURE wedding dress. through her hands) I’m so sorry. a mark between her boobs. After a beat. She had the same thing I had and I feel fine. Is there a bathroom? . You are-Megan lurches forward as the contents of her stomach come up into her mouth. The girls GASP. Looks nauseous. No. she swallows and pushes it back down. She claps her hand over her mouth to stop from throwing up. Annie is really sweaty now. I don’t know what to say. WHITNEY Maybe this will help you decide. RITA (fanning herself) Holy shit. I happened to have a two year old Lady JuJu dress in storage in the back and figured it might help you see what you’ll be standing next to. you look amazing. MEGAN That dress is so beautiful it makes my stomach hurt.
There are faint (and loud) stomach CHURNING sounds. WHITNEY Not the bathroom! Everybody go outside! Seriously! Whitney and Lillian chase after them as Annie stands her ground with Helen. MEGAN I need the toilet! toilet! I need the Rita ignores her as her head is in it and she grips the sides. They all stand in horrified silence. Classical music plays softly. RITA I don’t care what dress we get. BATHROOM . Annie unwilling to admit she’s sick. no!!! . ANNIE I think everyone has the flu. and SITS in the SINK. Everything is just right. Rita grabs her stomach and hunches over a bit.42. Everything sprays onto the back wall. Rita looks back at Megan. She projectile vomits into the toilet. We hear a noise.but the seat is down. Megan hikes up her dress. INT. No. facing off. BLAM! The door bursts open as Rita runs in. followed by Becca and Megan. In desperation. Shit! RITA Rita slams the top open and heaves again into the bowl as Megan runs in holding her backside... Calm and quiet. Rita bolts down a hallway. barfing.CONTINUOUS The single toilet bathroom is as PRISTINE and WHITE as the fitting area. hops up onto the counter. I just need to get off this white carpet. Megan! RITA Megan. Becca still holding her hands against her face.
BELLE EN BLANC . I’m feeling hungry. Vomit rains down on the back of Rita’s head. Annie is soaked and woozy. HELEN Are you sure? It wasn’t that grey kind of lamb? You ate a lot of that weird chicken. ANNIE I feel fine. HELEN I think you’d just feel better if you threw up.MAIN FITTING AREA .CONTINUOUS Helen and Annie are faced off. BATHROOM . INT.CONTINUOUS Becca runs in blindly over the toilet that Rita is still barfing in.MAIN FITTING AREA . Annie is sweating profusely. I feel fine. RITA Get away from me! INT. . HELEN You don’t look very well Annie. ANNIE I don’t have to throw up. Was it that? ANNIE No. HELEN You’re not sick. BECCA I’m so sorry. I wish I had a snack. MEGAN Look away! Look away! INT.CONTINUOUS The stand-off continues. BELLE EN BLANC .43. ANNIE No. In fact.
BECCA (noticing her on the sink) What are you doing? MEGAN It’s comin’ out of me like lava! Don’t fucking look at me!! INT. chewing them slowly. Lillian gets a look on her face. BATHROOM . ANNIE Jordan almonds. HELEN You’re hungry? ANNIE I’m starving. BELLE EN BLANC . who is still faced off with Helen. She grabs her stomach as it ANNIE It wasn’t the restaurant. Better? HELEN ANNIE I was just hungry. She forces it and swallows the almonds down with a slow gulp.CONTINUOUS MEGAN What did we eat??! This sink’s a goner. everyone’s really sick from that restaurant. . A sweaty Lillian runs up to Annie. LILLIAN Annie. These are great.CONTINUOUS Helen picks up a bowl off a table next to her. Annie takes a handful and painfully puts them in her mouth.MAIN FITTING AREA . GURGLES loudly. thank you. INT.44.
She turns and bolts away. I.CONTINUOUS Lillian bursts out of the building and runs across the street toward a 7-11. . ANNIE’S CAR . INT.it happened. Annie runs out and watches in horror. don’t you dare ruin that dress! ANNIE Oh. it’s happening. Whitney and Annie watch it all in horror. ANNIE Lillian. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Oh. In trouble. Am.. you’re really doing it aren’t ya? You’re shittin’ in the street..45. where are you going? EXT. LILLIAN Oh no. Suddenly Lillian stops running and slowly sinks down onto the ground. After a beat. In the doorway. Cars SCREECH to a halt to avoid the fleeing bride. She throws a helpless look back at Annie. Helen walks up behind Whitney. I need a bathroom. who is back in her regular clothes. Lillian! careful! ANNIE What are you doing? Be LILLIAN It’s happening. embarrassed and unable to move. WHITNEY Oh no. Annie runs after her.DAY A green looking Annie drives a green looking Lillian. BELLE EN BLANC . HELEN (re: the expensive dress) We’ll just take five of the Fritz Bernaise Whitney. thank you. it’s happening.
drink. Right? ANNIE Yeah. INT. ANNIE Oh my gosh. post-coital.46. TED’S BEDROOM . . I just shit. ANNIE People do that. You know what I was thinking? You should come with me to Lillian’s wedding maybe. Still panting. go dancing. Nothing serious. You know? That would suck for you. just a fun time. TED I’m just thinking of you. TED That was fun. TED Really? Who? Who are you gonna bring? Annie struggles to think of a name. ANNIE That’s okay. I shit myself. LILLIAN I shit in my shorts. (lying) I have someone else to bring anyways.NIGHT Annie and Ted lay in bed. We can get dressed up. It will be fun right? TED (chuckling warmly) I don’t want to put you in a position of having to explain to everyone who I am and what our relationship is. ANNIE You okay? LILLIAN I just took a shit in the middle of the street. I guess so.
nice guy who likes me a lot and would probably love to be my date. I’m gonna miss you so much.” “Sex OFFICER RHODES (O.) Annie Walker. it’s getting really late. OFFICER RHODES You want me to arrest anybody? I could do that.. Ok? TED Who is this George? ANNIE He is a very hot.” She finally picks “Calm. Ted grabs a glass of water from the night-stand and takes a sip.S. You should probably go. ANNIE (lying) This guy George.” 41 “Calm. Just had a bad night.” “Focus. Idea! ANNIE (CONT’D) George Glass. hey.. Probably? 41 ANNIE TED You know what. TED Really? Well let me ask you this. Appeal. INT. MINI MART .47. can George Glass do this to you? Ted intensely cups her breast and just rubs it in a circle.NIGHT Annie is looking at the herbal drinks. . What brings you here so early? ANNIE Oh. ANNIE Actually. Boy stuff.
NIGHT Annie and Rhodes sit on the hood of his cop car in front of the mini mart. RHODES It grew back. I’d want everyone to be stress free. except we can tell everybody about it afterwords. EXT. I’ve got plenty. But it was pretty gross. ANNIE It’s gonna get better. holding a bag of carrots. ANNIE That doesn’t sound very inviting. sharing a bag of carrots. I’ll share.48. (MORE) . right? RHODES I’m sure it will get better. Planning a wedding should be fun. Right now? ANNIE OFFICER RHODES Yea. MINI MART . I’ll have a carrot. considering. I won’t though. ANNIE Sure. ANNIE That’s terrible. I’d like it to be like a carnival. He approaches her. her hair started falling out. My sister was the maid of honor at our cousin’s wedding and she found it so stressful. If I ever had a wedding. OFFICER RHODES Do you want to talk to a cop about it? We’re just like priests. OFFICER RHODES You want a carrot? Annie stares at him. RHODES That sounds rough.
. RHODES (CONT'D) People win prizes for guessing the brides weight. You have to eat it. She takes another carrot. RHODES Oh. the bride and groom could walk on a tight rope.. ANNIE I’m done with all that.. dunk tanks. you should really be figuring out how to open your next bakery.49. There’s one in every bag. ANNIE You could have elephants. no! She grabs it out of his hands. Rhodes studies Annie a beat. ANNIE Don’t eat it! EW!!! . RHODES Yeah. No. What? RHODES ANNIE I don’t do it anymore. instead of spending your money and time on all this wedding business.. RHODES You know. ANNIE I’m not eating this. He goes to eat it. it’s good luck. this one’s weird. ANNIE (CONT’D) Ew. RHODES What you’re talking about there is a circus wedding. ANNIE (smiles) Sorry. you got the ugly carrot. You missed it. That is a totally different thing. I’ll eat it. It’s a small dried-out carrot.
She throws it on the ground. Sun is nearly up. holding up the speed gun. ANNIE I didn’t know you could be a cop here if you weren’t a citizen. a bit intrigued. Annie feels his bicep. RHODES (CONT’D) You didn’t let me flex that time... RHODES You’re saying that but you’re laughing.and handsome. ANNIE RHODES Okay. that was unfair. I could be a cop. I’m really tough. I’ll fine you. He picks it up. that really bothers me.MORNING Annie is standing in front of Rhodes’ cop car on the side of the road. ANNIE Right. Annie watches him. Rhodes sits on the hood and continues to eat his food. aiming it. EXT. let’s see. Haha (then) Seriously. let’s see if you’ve got what it takes. RHODES You can’t.50. But they made a special dispensation because I’m so tough and strong. RHODES Hey hey. You’re a tough cop. don’t litter. ANNIE So am I. . RHODES You think you could be a cop? Yeah. ROAD .
Rhodes looks at it. RHODES You were born to do this. Why ruin their day? Another car is approaching. what you want to do is aim it right at the license plate. Another car zooms by.51. A car zooms by. RHODES That’s right. Forty-eight. Now. ANNIE Okay. look at you. RHODES Ah. ANNIE Forty-eight! How’d you do that? RHODES It wasn’t! That has never happened before. The car zooms past. I’m pretty impressed. It was forty-eight? ANNIE Yeah. RHODES (CONT’D) Watch this. forty-eight. . we’ll let them go. they’re probably going to work. What’s the speed limit here? RHODES Fifty-five. That gives you the most accurate reading. Arms straight. RHODES I’m pretty impressive. ANNIE Sixty-three. You’re missing some good ones here. ANNIE Fifty-eight. Plant your feet.
house? Um.” etc. straight out of the Soprano’s. just a sec. She deflates. Annie picks it up.” “Beer and s’mores. Annie whoops. INT. Hello? ANNIE They jump in the car and drive off. The phone immediately rings. (she clicks over) Hello? Rita in her “new money” kitchen.” “campfires.” “LILLIAN’S LAKE HOUSE. Annie gives him an impressed look. and is very pleased. we used to go there all the time in the summers. Helen sits in her BEAUTIFUL home. HELEN A bachelorette party at a cabin? Annie’s call waiting BEEPS again. Helen. A car roars by. looking at her laptop. hot shot.. ANNIE’S BEDROOM A fired-up Annie goes to the computer and starts typing feverishly We see words she types: “Bachelorette party!. .lake ANNIE (polite but firm) It’s Lillian’s parents’ house.52. that one was ninety-three! Can we go? RHODES Okay. then goes back to pointing a fun as Rhodes watches her. ANNIE Oh. Let’s go get the fucker. HELEN I just got your e-mail. ANNIE Oh.. INTERCUT BETWEEN CALLS. She presses send. He smiles. Her three boys are fighting and playing. delighted.
which I sort of love. I know you’re afraid of flying but I want to see Criss Angel! But I’m scared. I’m so excited.53. Helen just called. RITA I can get cocaine from my hair dresser. my other line is ringing. ANNIE You know I should probably run. Bye! ANNIE Becca. in her shabby-chic home office. Annie’s call waiting BEEPS again. . I need a trip that I can fantasize about forever so that I’m able to have sex with my husband. BECCA Annie. I’m surrounded by savages. It is a TECHNICAL HAVEN that looks like NASA. RITA Annie. paints a front porch sign that says “The Whitman’s. she said we could go to Vegas.” BECCA Annie. That’s why I’m thinking Vegas. Annie’s call waiting BEEPS again. Annie glances down at her $350 PAYCHECK. ANNIE But we’d have to fly there. She clicks over. (to boys) Shut your filthy mouths! (to Annie) I’m sorry. it’s Rita. Megan is in front of a wall of computer and television screens. Vegas? ANNIE Really? RITA Hang on.
Just had some thoughts about the bachelorette party. she got the jump on you. Lillian sits next to Helen. . RITA I want balls in my face.DAY The women are dressed to the NINES. Annie tails the group. INT. easy-peasy.JETWAY . looking very afraid. COACH SECTION . She’s too proud. HELEN Honestly. MEGAN Annie. INT. Annie forces a smile at her. She takes a breath and gets on board.54. ANNIE Helen called you. didn’t she. heading to the plane. The woman gives her a dismissive smile.DAY The bridesmaids settle in. BECCA I love puppets! Balls! RITA ANNIE I guess were undecided? INT . HELEN I tried to buy her a first class ticket but she wouldn’t let me. it’s Megan. excited. I think it’s Vegas. Vegas it is. LILLIAN I feel so bad that Annie’s stuck back in coach. MEGAN Yeah.DAY Annie settles into her seat next to a PREGNANT WOMAN who’s reading. This is not going to be a fun flight. Here we go. FIRST CLASS .
. What? MAN She MEGAN Listen.. I’m gonna take a nap.. I’m not an Air Marshal. MEGAN Awesome. trying to maintain her composure but SHEER TERROR takes over. Behind them. I’ve got the first watch. I’m not a good flier. Protect and serve .55. who doesn’t notice. MEGAN Ok. but I want you to know I appreciate your service to this country and I respect the hell out of you. She raises her eyebrows at Jon. Oh god.. ANNIE Woooooooo . I’m really hoping this flight is quick and we get there on the ground safely. COACH SECTION . I’m sorry.. Megan sits next to an middle-aged man. INT.. MEGAN No carry on? I noticed you didn’t put anything in the overhead bin. Annie grips the armrest.. She mimes a key locking her lips shut. LILLIAN That was really nice of you. I’ll take the first watch. I get it. You don’t need to take a watch. I don't want to infringe on your privacy. looks down at his feet.. Air Marshal style.MOMENTS LATER The plane is taking off. (leaning in) . JON I’m not an Air Marshal. The pregnant woman is even more freaked out than Annie. JON Huh? No. JON.
you’re going to have to return to your seat please. It was terrible. Yeah. PREGNANT WOMAN I had a dream last night that we went down. FEMALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT (yelling from jump seat) Ma’am. It jolts a bit. I was just -HELEN Annie. When you wake up and we’ll be there. ANNIE Thank you. you’ll fall asleep. I have something. Take two. PREGNANT WOMAN (CONT’D) Oh god. LILLIAN Annie. Annie looks at Lillian who shrugs like “What the hell. You were in it. struggling to walk uphill as the plane ascends. ANNIE Okay. The plane hits a bump of turbulence. Annie looks at the pill in Helen’s palm.” FEMALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Ma’am. what are you doing? You’re supposed to be in your seat. Considers. do it. The plane is ascending now. it sounds like something’s happening. Helen. Annie goes back to coach.MOMENTS LATER The plane is still ascending. Annie comes through the curtain and approaches. INT. we are still ascending! Please return to your seat. ANNIE I know but I’m freaking out. everyone strapped in. . Annie is officially terrified.56. FIRST CLASS .
relax. Just Kevin. Megan is flirting with Jon. RITA You’ve never been with anyone else?! BECCA Nope. I just can’t help but feel bad for you. INT. RITA I’m sorry Becca. Ankle. I feel like such a jerk. lower back? You don’t. She will make friends.A LITTLE LATER Rita has a cocktail.. this is your weekend. She’ll be fine. FIRST CLASS . I should be sitting back there with her. You don’t even know what you want. That’s stupid. There’s much more of a sense of community in coach. LILLIAN God I feel terrible. MEGAN I didn’t say “up”. how are you gonna get it? . Becca looks perplexed. People don’t keep guns up their asses because if you needed to use it. I don’t stick a gun up my butt.. hip. I shouldn’t be in first class.. I just know of a guy that did a lot of undercover work.between the cheeks? JON No. HELEN Lill.. I promise you.all I know is that he had tape marks all up and down his cheeks. In front of them. You are treating yourself. JON That can’t be true. MEGAN I gotta know where you keep the gun man.57.
Behind them. Rita gives her a look like “WHAT?” RITA See that’s why every girl needs those slutty college years to experiment and get it out of their system. (to Becca) You’ll like it. Separately. Becca’s eye are wide. MEGAN He cut a hole in his back pocket. BECCA (thrown) Kevin can only have sex in the bed. BECCA Excuse me. it’s sweet. I will show you. could I have a glass of alcohol when you get a chance.. Under the covers. you want to tell me you can’t get to something? JON I don’t have a gun for you to put up my ass to make your point.. RITA Two double Seven and Sevens. Until I want you to find it. MEGAN I can put my Nano. Then I pretend I’m tired. find out what you like. She signals the flight attendant. (holding up her ipod) And you’ll never find this again. If you get me scissors. After we shower. but I’m not tired. Sometimes by the time we’re finished cleaning ourselves he’s too tired. . In the dark. I will cut a hole in my pocket. Rita and Becca are talking. I’m not tired.58. You’ve gotta get something out of your ass and you cut a hole in the back of your jeans.
COACH CLASS . This’ll just give that pill the kick it needs.DAY Becca and Rita are drinking. ANNIE Helen gives her a wink and heads up back to first class. but I heard about a woman who went to the bathroom on a plane. The pregnant lady is freaked. And I have a much smaller build than you. Helen comes back. I think what you gave me didn’t do anything. I have too much adrenaline or something. that will do it. Helen hands a cocktail to Annie. Thanks. PREGNANT WOMAN You should just toss it back. BECCA So you don’t even have sex anymore? . and she got sucked into the toilet.CONTINUOUS Annie is FIDGETING. HELEN Are you okay? ANNIE Yes. INT. HELEN Here. This is not helping Annie. Don’t waste anymore time.59. take my Scotch. I do it all the time. PREGNANT WOMAN I have to go to the bathroom. FIRST CLASS . Annie downs the glass. Sucked right in. INT. ANNIE Okay.
And I’m gonna go down to the river! LILLIAN Wow.. then leans on the back of Lillian's chair. RITA Oh no.. The people from the Real World go there all the time. I’m relaxed.. I just feel like I’m excited. Sometimes I just want to watch The Daily Show without him entering me.. BECCA What are you doing when you’re having sex then? RITA Thinking about other things and wishing it would stop. ANNIE I’m goooood. But he hasn’t kissed me in five years. ANNIE What are you guys talking about up here? . I’m ready to paaaaarrrtttyyyy. I’m so much more relaxed now. The curtain sweeps open and a drugged Annie comes sauntering in.60. The sex is constant. it looks like someone is really relaxing now.with the best of them. HELEN And then we’re going to the MGM Grand Wet Republic Ultra Pool. I have sex constantly. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Hey buddy. how ya doin? Annie gives her a big druggy smile. LILLIAN I'm so excited! Annie pops up next to them. Helen and Lillian are drinking champagne. (starts singing) . Thank you Helen. rubs Lillian’s head.
. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Miss. It’s policy. LILLIAN I think that’s a good idea. ANNIE Gosh. you cannot be up here. Woo woo. ANNIE (mocking) You do? Oooh. ANNIE Catch you on the flip side muthafuckas! LILLIAN I’m sorry.. LILLIAN Hey Annie. Big whoop. I just want to be up here with my friends. What do you say? STEVE. HELEN We’re going to a restaurant tonight. Helen knows the owner. Annie sweeps open the curtain and steps into coach. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT No.. I’m with this group. Welcome to Germany. A MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT appears. Sorry. LILLIAN Yeah. Coach passengers aren’t allowed up here in first class. let’s go take a nap. can she just stay up here for a while? The sign's off. I'm gonna go take a nap. Helen. she’s -ANNIE I’m leaving. I’m sorry.61. this plane is very strict. ANNIE Hello grandpa. Okay. I know the owner.
ANNIE MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Okay right. ANNIE I don’t want to. it’s you. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Yes. Iglesias. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT No you’re not.” INT. . I’m Mrs. what did you give her? She looks at Helen. it’s not me. it’s not. FIRST CLASS . LILLIAN Holy shit. ANNIE I’m with him. ANNIE (CONT’D) This should be open. You’re in the wrong decade. I am. Miss. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Right. Lillian and Helen get up from their seats. You are. This is the 90’s.62.MOMENTS LATER Annie comes back into first class wearing SUNGLASSES and sits down next to a man who looks like Enrique Iglesias. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT ANNIE No. it’s civil rights. You were just up here and you put sunglasses on. Out. Please go back to your seat. who shrugs like “I don’t know what’s wrong with her.
ANNIE You’re setting me up for a loss already. what kind of name is that. We’ll calm her down. ANNIE Help me. but Claire is right -ANNIE Everyone get back to your seats. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Well. My name is Steve.63. ma’am.. You have three seconds to get back to your seat. I’m getting married. I’m the bride. Whatever you say. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT That’s not a name. ANNIE You can’t get anywhere in three seconds. She’s obviously nervous. ANNIE Stove. (reading his name tag) Stove. FEMALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT I’m afraid it’s not allowed. LILLIAN (to flight attendant) Please. Everyone should experience first class in their lives and I don't want Annie to miss out just because she couldn't afford a ticket. I’m poor. The seat is empty. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT You especially. you’ve gotta try. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT It’s Steve. . We’re a whole wedding party. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT I understand.. HELEN She can have my seat.
Jon tries to move Megan’s leg out of the way. Talks quietly to him. Annie leaps back into .. coach. I’ve got to go. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT That’s absolutely accurate. “not-Air-Marshal Jon”. The flight attendant glares at her. JON I should get back to my seat.. two inches from the door. ANNIE Are you an appliance? MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT No. ANNIE You’re a flight attendant. MEGAN Hey. I’m a man and my name is Steve. MEGAN Uh oh. That can go up and higher. you’ve got to get back . on my seat. JON I’ve got to get back to my seat. MEGAN Yeah. MEGAN You feel that steam heat coming? That’s from my undercarriage. what’s that? Somebody found a souvenir. blocking the door. Megan is right there.64. Megan swings her leg up. AT THE FRONT OF THE PLANE Jon walks out of the bathroom. Maybe we should go back into the restroom and not rest. Could you move your leg please. You get it? JON I definitely get it.
MEGAN (CONT’D) Jon. There is a colonial woman on the wing. INT. BECCA How do you think I feel? RITA You can still turn it around. BECCA Stop it! You’re more beautiful than Cinderella. She looks past the pregnant woman and out the window. Oh. Cool.) (over intercom) I have an announcement too. I’ve gotta take a whiz and then I’ll be right back. INT. The plane shakes a little. It seems we’ve found rough patch of weather here-ANNIE (O.. Megan lets him pass and opens the bathroom door.As you can see. As Jon escapes. You smell like pine needles and you have a face like like sunshine. the captain has turned on the fasten-your-seat belt sign. Lillian recognizes Annie's voice. get us a blanket.CONTINUOUS The flight attendant gets on the microphone. he walks past a drunk Rita and Becca.S. Her eyes go WIDE. FEMALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Ladies and gentlemen. LILLIAN . shit.65.. RITA I don’t want you to be a big fuck up like me. FIRST CLASS .DAY Annie is seated. COACH SECTION .
JON ALL RIGHT. who is still trying to yell into the mic. PREGNANT WOMAN (CONT’D) Where is this woman? Who is she?! What does she want?! Passengers get HYSTERICAL.DAY Annie and Lillian are being escorted off the plane in handcuffs by the police and Air Marshal Jon. She is churning butter. . all three flight attendants are battling with Annie. Jon! In the back of plane. EVERYONE REMAIN CALM! I’M AN AIR MARSHAL. CUT TO: INT. He runs to the back of the plane. ANNIE There is a colonial woman on the wing. SAY GOODBYE! WE’RE GOING DOWN! Lillian and the flight attendant grapple. I knew it! I got your back. RUNS up the aisle. Megan jumps up. I saw her. Annie runs past Rita and Becca who are now MAKING OUT. WYOMING TERMINAL . who reaches for her. Annie DUCKS away. PEOPLE. Jon jumps up MEGAN Yes! I knew it!! Holy shit. The unhappy bridesmaids follow. and draws his gun and a taser. passing the pregnant woman. Lillian jumps up and runs back to help Annie.66. There is a woman on the wing. towards the bathroom. FAKES the Air Marshal out and climbs over people to get to the other aisle and heads for first class. Megan APPEARS from the galley and tackles her. There’s something they’re not telling us! She is out there right now! PREGNANT WOMAN LET’S GET OUT! LET’S OPEN THE DOORS AND GET OUT.
67. Annie sits next to Lillian. This has been very overwhelming for you. It’s starting to make you crazy. I’m fine. INT. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. LILLIAN I wanted to talk to you about something. LILLIAN I think that will make me happy. LILLIAN No. That’s probably best. ANNIE Let me make it up to you please. ANNIE Whatever you want.. I’m telling you. right? ANNIE I just want you to be happy. for everything. Annie looks crushed. ANNIE LILLIAN I think that it would be best for here on out. . I get it. BUS .DAY The bridesmaids are BUMMED. We need things to just flow smoothly from now on and Helen knows how to do this kind of stuff. For the shower. She’s good at it and she likes doing it.. your shower is going to be amazing. She does it all the time. This way you don’t have to plan any more lunches or trips. I have so many ideas. LILLIAN I think so. ANNIE Lill. you’re not fine Annie.
ANNIE Hi. RHODES She’ll be alright. Do you want to hang out? INT. Annie pulls up next to him..NIGHT Rhodes and Annie are talking in the middle of a crowded bar.68. BAR . RHODES It’s gonna turn around. ANNIE’S CAR . Have you ever been kicked off a plane? RHODES I can’t say I have. Up ahead. I just know it.. RHODES It will turn around. ANNIE All of the girls hate me right now. ANNIE I hope Lillian won’t be mad at me too long. INT. she sees Rhodes’ car sitting on the side of the road in his usual spot. ANNIE I wish things were they way they used to be. ANNIE I’ve been hearing that for a long time. . RHODES So you’re like the maid of dishonor. You gotta bake. ANNIE It’s not funny.. I feel like her life is going off and getting perfect and mine is just.NIGHT Annie drives home depressed..
I’m done. You’ve got bits and pieces going on. RHODES I know you well enough to know that you’re not so bad. (beat) You’re ok. . ANNIE I lost a lot of money. ANNIE You don’t know me very well. ANNIE Oh well. I stopped. RHODES Just because you didn’t make any money doesn’t mean you failed at it. let’s change the subject. ANNIE RHODES I’ve been thinking about you a little bit. (beat) I probably wouldn’t do that. ANNIE I don’t really do that anymore. RHODES You’re so good at it. you know. Why? RHODES ANNIE After it went under. I told you. I would still go out with a gun and shoot people. You’ve got some stuff. If I wasn’t a cop. No more baking. All my money. Thanks. RHODES I just don’t know how you can not do it anymore. It doesn’t make me happy anymore.69.
Annie instantly seems a little freaked out. staring at her. ANNIE Sorry. I guess I fell asleep. ANNIE About me? Really? RHODES There’s something about you. RHODES Sorry to freak you out. ANNIE You made it? .MORNING Annie wakes up. INT. making out. She reacts when she sees Rhodes sitting on the bed. I haven’t been sitting here that long. It is a role reversal of her relationship with Ted. So am I.that sticks.70. RHODES DUPLEX .. ANNIE Where’s the bedroom? RHODES I am so glad this is happening. She looks like a disaster. ANNIE Good morning. RHODES Don’t be silly. RHODES Good morning.. ANNIE INT. Looks like a kid in love.NIGHT Annie and Rhodes fly through the door. He is in a t-shirt and shorts. I didn’t mean to sleep over. (still smiling) I made you a cappuccino. DARK APARTMENT .
Why don’t you get dressed though. (catching himself) A different kind of fun. Rhodes stands up. Annie looks surprised. Annie stares at the ingredients in horror. Obviously you will be doing the baking and I will be doing the eating.71. The place is modest. I thought it would be fun for us to bake together today. RHODES There she is. RHODES Annie Walker. Bits and pieces--butter. etc.. It is clean and organized. Your workshop awaits. RHODES’ KITCHEN . then turns to Annie.CONTINUOUS Rhodes walks in with a big smile. ANNIE I know you went through all this trouble but I don’t really want to-- . I left your clothes over there. but I popped out and got a few little things. because you are the expert. RHODES (CONT’D) I know it’s a bit crazy. butter. Very fun. would you mind following me into the kitchen? The fun may continue. ANNIE’S POV: The kitchen counter is laid out with mixing bowls and baking pans and brand new ingredients like flour. milk. RHODES Last night was fun. Annie looks around the room. eggs.. vanilla. but it’s nothing like Ted’s apartment. He chuckles. INT. ANNIE (smiling) Ok. ANNIE It was. at best. She walks in and stops as Rhodes gestures grandly at something. sugar.
I don’t need you to fix me. She stares back at him. ANNIE I think I’m gonna go. RHODES ANNIE I’m sorry. I don’t know what you’re getting so upset about. her. RHODES To fix you? ANNIE I don’t need any help. it was a bit of a curve ball. I shouldn’t have come here last night. She exits. It was all my fault.72. Sorry. You’re so good at it. slamming the door behind her. Who do you think you are? RHODES Jesus Annie. RHODES (CONT’D) Alright I get it. You don’t know anything about me or my life. Rhodes stares after . I know you haven’t done it a while. we had a really good time and now you’re being all -ANNIE It’s my fault. ANNIE Because you don’t know me. stunned. then heads for the door. Annie is uncomfortable. It’s obvious he really cares about her. Last night was a mistake. I don’t know what you’re trying to do here. Alright. This was all a mistake. but it will be great. Don’t be silly. Rhodes stares at her. RHODES Annie. just get into it. She stares at him. RHODES Come on.
” A stunned Annie takes a card out that reads “A SHOWER FOR LILLIAN. I’m sure you’re still probably a bit mad at me. I’d bring it to you but you said ‘don’t touch my things. bye. INT. “A Shower for Lillian.MORNING . Annie wakes up.” She opens it.. I hope not.” In the box.’ She goes into the living room and sees a beautiful pink and white striped box with her name and address in calligraphy sitting on the table. so just call me when yo get a chance. the excitement continues with me. Inside the lid.A COUPLE OF WEEKS LATER The clock reads 11 am. She gets Lillian’s voicemail. So naturally. I just slept with a cop that pulled me over and woke up today with him. “CANON IN D” PLAYS and a real butterfly flies out. ANNIE'S CAR . He was really sweet. Oh. and cute.MORNING Annie gets in her car. surprised that she slept this late. An Atmospheria Special Addition. INT. there is a chocolate sculpture of Lillian and Doug as Bride and Groom. it’s me. ANNIE'S APARTMENT . a candle that has two wicks and says on the outside “Lillian and Dougie. I’d love to talk this out with you when you can. it’s 11 AM. . Brynn pops her head in.. What’s wrong with me? I know you’re busy with stuff. nice. ANNIE Hey Lill. She finds Lillian's name on her phone and dials. BRYNN Annie wake up. Twin Flames.73. Okay. ANNIE BRYNN You got a package. KNOCK at the door. it reads. shit. I ran off as fast as I could. depressed and confused. When Annie opens the lid. Anyway.
and skinnier. . No offense. Yay! The butterfly lands on her face. GIRL (O. and richer.74.’ ANNIE Are you sure you want it to say forever? (off the girl’s “duh” face) I don’t think you guys will be together forever. Responde S’il Vous Plait. Let us “shower” Lillian with gifts and love.) Excuse me!! Annie looks up. sometimes you grow apart. GIRL Yes you are. INT. CHOLODECKI’S . And maybe she’ll be more successful than you are.DAY Annie stares at wedding rings in the counter. chewing gum.O. GIRL (CONT’D) I’m looking for a birthday gift for my best friend. ANNIE I’m not weird. HELEN (V. A snotty 13 year old rich GIRL stands at Annie’s counter with an iced coffee.) Please join us for a Parisian brunch at the home of Helen Harris III to celebrate the marriage of Lillian Donovan and Douglas Price.S. and they end up doing everything together. but the friends you have when you’re younger. I want to get her a necklace that says ‘Best Friends Forever. and prettier. You’ll get older and maybe she’ll find a new best friend. GIRL You’re weird.
ANNIE No I’m not. CUT TO: . I feel bad for your parents. GIRL You started it. GIRL You look like an old mop.75. GIRL I’m very popular. Did you forget to take your Xanax this morning? ANNIE God. GIRL You call me when yours come in. ANNIE You know. ANNIE You’re a little cunt. ANNIE What. ANNIE Call me when your boobs come in. GIRL I feel bad for your face. you aren’t as popular as you think you are. GIRL ANNIE Have fun having a baby at your prom. GIRL You’re an old single loser who is never going to have any friends. You started it. Very popular. do you have four boyfriends? Exactly. ANNIE (miming a blow job) I’m sure you are.
She sadly starts to leave. its Rhodes again.S. ANNIE’S BEDROOM . (beat) Get those tail lights fixed. ANNIE What do you mean? I don’t get it. DON Don walks out.DAY Brynn and Gil sit at the edge of Annie’s bed.DAY Don stands across from Annie who finishes cleaning out her locker. . okay? DON I already told her. unsure if she’s made the right decision about him or not. RHODES (O.CONTINUOUS She sits in her parked car listening to a message on her cell.76. ANNIE Sorry. INT.) (on phone) Hey Annie. Annie looks confused and torn. Let me tell my mom. So don’t worry. Rhodes hangs up. DON’S OFFICE . BRYNN We’d like to invite you to no longer live with us anymore. I won’t be bothering you ever again. INT. which is fine. Since you aren’t returning any of my calls I assume you aren’t interested in spending any more time with me. ANNIE Was she mad? Mmm-hmm. disappointed. INT. ANNIE’S CAR .
” Tom Hanks. EXT. BRYNN (CONT’D) Oh. We look a bit silly don’t we? Pathetic. We’re going to have fun. BRYNN GIL So we’re actually going to live together alone. GIL She will move. Without you. driveway. (MORE) . Brynn touches Annie’s leg to console her. MOM Aw. Annie absorbs this. And guess what just came in today on the Netflix? “Castaway. am really glad you’re here.DAY Annie gets out of her loaded car. I. come here. JUDY'S HOUSE . GIL (tries to soften it) We decided it’s a bit immature for a grown up brother and sister to still be living together with a roommate at this age. that’s prickly. for one. Her mom meets her in the ANNIE Remember when you thought I hit bottom? That wasn’t bottom. BRYNN (to Gil) She has to. eventually.77. BRYNN You’re moving out. BRYNN (CONT’D) She’s not moving. (to Annie) You have to go.
plantation-style. MILWAUKEE STREET . ANNIE I don’t have a cup-holder. Her jaw drops. Nice touch. ANNIE’S CAR .DAY She drives past a stone column inscribed “The Harris House established 2006” and proceeds through two huge. BUTLER The shower is over the second bridge. wrought-iron gates that lead to a beautiful. Pink lemonade? He hands her a crystal glass of pink lemonade with a large orchid sticking out of it. that’s good. AT THE NEXT STOP SIGN A BUTLER appears with a tray. But he has moved on to the next car. EXT. MOM (CONT'D) It’s like Forrest Gump. She is annoyed./EXT. Annie struggles to drive while holding the too-full glass. You’re going to love it. She takes a sip. Shit.78. ANNIE (CONT’D) Goddamnit. but on an island. that is fresh. BUTLER Are you a guest of Helen Harris III? ANNIE Yeah. ANNIE (CONT’D) (mumbling) Pink lemonade. CUT TO: . tree-lined driveway.” INT.DAY Annie stands outside the closed Cake Baby storefront. The sign has been vandalized to read “Cock Baby. I guess so.
HELEN’S ESTATE . The house of a very rich person.. REVEAL a glorious four-tiered CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN. her jaw dropping. The horseman looks annoyed. with a horseman leading her on foot.DAY Annie arrives at the main house straddling a WHITE HORSE.DAY Annie walks into the backyard and stops..79. Annie takes it all in. In the middle of everything stands an eight foot tall HEART COOKIE that says “Lillian and Dougie!” in puffy pink cursive. HELEN’S ESTATE . Decorations to make it look like France are everywhere.. LIVE SWANS and bunnies mill about. She struggles to dismount. ANNIE’S POV: It’s all of the Paris shower ideas she told Helen. WAITER (fake French accent) Would you like some champagne? It’s French. Girls are around it dipping in strawberries and smaller cookies. but huge and over the top. groups of girls pass by her. A waiter offers her champagne. shocked. The front door is swung open by two attendants. you’re here! . As Annie enters the mansion..BACKYARD . A TRIO WITH AN ACCORDION PLAYER PLAYS FRENCH STANDARDS. Helen’s house is ALL cream and white with gold. A giant cake shaped like the Eiffel Tower. Attendants in full French outfits ready to serve. ANNIE Yeah. EXT. LILLIAN Hey Annie. laughing. EXT. no kidding. SHOWER GIRLS This is the most beautiful shower I’ve ever been to/Can you believe this?/Did you see the party favors?!/What a good friend . Couches are puffy. art hangs everywhere.
but I just.80. LILLIAN . You too. I’ve been. ANNIE I totally understand. I’m here. there’s just lots of organizing and- LILLIAN So you’re cool? Yup. ANNIE Well. I was invited. Forgive me... ANNIE LILLIAN And we’re cool? . Awkward silence... you’re here. ANNIE (CONT’D) LILLIAN They both speak at the same time.. ANNIE LILLIAN Sorry I haven’t called back. LILLIAN Can you believe this? Isn’t this amazing? ANNIE Yep.. Yeah..have so much to tell you. swamped. I just meant. Are we ok? Yes. Like you’ve arrived.. it’s nice.you look great. ANNIE Yeah. ANNIE I didn’t want to bug you. here I am. right? LILLIAN No yeah.
beautiful towels. obviously from Annie. I can tell by the wrapping. LILLIAN We listened to “Hold On” probably 10. kid.. smiling. HELEN’S GREAT ROOM . homemade. This is so unbelievable. Rita takes a picture. Lillian unwraps it. LILLIAN I know who this is from. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Awww. Annie. This is such an amazing gift. tons of bows. Inside is. She opens a box filled with LILLIAN LILLIAN Rita. I have to say hi to my aunt or she’ll get mad at my mom. Lillian runs off. thank you. (pulling out a CD. . you got all our towels? RITA Love you. Lillian then grabs a gift. She stands there alone. Doesn’t look like the others. It’s quirky. right? For sure. LILLIAN (CONT’D) OK. beams) Wilson Phillips? MEGAN I love Wilson Phillips.000 times when I got my driver’s license.81.LATER Lillian is opening presents. Annie watches her go. It’s a box of all my favorite things from stores I love in Milwaukee. It’s us.. great. INT. We’ll talk later though. frustrated by the brief encounter. ANNIE Super cool. Awkward silence.
Helen hands her an envelope. HELEN Ha ha! Got you! (then) Just a little pre-wedding vacation. Annie watches them. Oh my god. I’ve been so busy putting the shower together that all I did was get you a card. ANNIE Are you fucking kidding me? Annie? JUDY ANNIE MOTHERFUCKING PARIS?! LILLIAN Annie.82. LILLIAN Helen.. Lillian opens the card and reads it. They share a moment. That’s more than enough. And while we’re there. HELEN Now I feel bad. Annie looks pleased. Helen exchanges a look LAURIE Honey. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Helen.” Helen looks a bit self-conscious. then grabs Helen and hugs her tightly. with Annie. what is it? LILLIAN Helen’s taking me to Paris. what are you doing? . we’re going to meet your wedding dress designer and have a fitting! LILLIAN Paris? YOU GOT ME A TRIP TO PARIS?!!! Lillian jumps up and down. in shock .. then something (finally) snaps. Shrugs like “it was nothing. throwing a smug look at Helen. Then. you threw me this shower.
ridiculous. ANNIE (to Helen) I told you she wanted to go to Paris. She takes swings at the cookie. I was. The ‘you’ that I know.83. would have walked in here and rolled your eyes and thought this was completely over the top. Right? Annie. LILLIAN ANNIE Lillian this is not the ‘you’ I know. I told you Paris! I told you about ALL this stuff! LILLIAN Annie. you know what!? That reminds me. Look at this shower! LOOK at that fucking COOKIE!! Did you really think this group of women would finish that cookie? Hey. punching it. you’re going to go to Paris with Helen now?! Are you going to ride around on bikes with berets and fucking baguettes in the basket of the front of your bikes? How romantic! What woman gives another woman a trip to Paris? Am I right? Lesbian! We’re all thinking it aren’t we? Rita and Becca are uncomfortable. I’m not. I don’t think I ever got a piece! Annie storms outside. we’re all thinking it. ANNIE No! What. ANNIE (CONT’D) Stupid fucking cookie! . calm down. BECCA MEGAN ANNIE Yes. and stupid.
ANNIE (CONT’D) (as she scoops) Is this what you want Lillian!? Nothing says friendship like 1. Well. Lillian storms outside seething. Ever since you got engaged. Everyone is watching Annie. let me fill you in. It’s way too heavy. thank you very much. what are you doing? What is going on?! ANNIE What am I doing? You wouldn’t know. it’s so hot. shoves it in her mouth. She is fighting and punching the air like a crazy person. She falls backwards and the cookie falls on top of her.000 gallons of unsanitary chocolate! (still scooping) Ow. It’s not mine. LILLIAN This is supposed to be my time. (pointing to Helen) It’s all her fault. She storms over to the chocolate fountain and tries to tip it over.84. ANNIE (CONT’D) Oooh. ow. everything has turned to shit. god. Where have you been?! You would have no idea. It’s too huge. You would know that if you got your beautiful-haired-head out of your asshole. She rips off a large hunk. out of her asshole! WHICH I’M SURE IS PERFECTLY BLEACHED! . LILLIAN Annie. A little girl starts crying. In fact. chasing a swan. ow! Oh. She starts to empty the HOT chocolate with her hands onto the ground. ANNIE Thank you very much. Annie punches her fist up through the cookie and struggles awkwardly to get out from under it. delicious! Ooo! Maybe it’s better if I dip it in the CHOCOLATE!! She tries to take the cookie off its stand to carry it. You have managed to ruin every event in my wedding.
On her way out the door. This hangs in the air. Megan’s hand shoots up. Annie walks fast through the lobby. Anyone else have anything they want to share today? No one says anything. Lillian follows her. Annie looks at her. DOORMAN Party favor? LILLIAN No. Lillian soon follows. I am very happy for you. Lillian. upset. She does not get a dog! Annie walks out. MEGAN I took two dogs already! in the back of my van. her hands and forearms completely covered in chocolate. A PUPPY. HELEN I’m proud of you. LILLIAN Shut up.. They’re .. LILLIAN Are you kidding me? Annie! Annie storms off back through the house. don’t even bother coming to my wedding. LILLIAN IT IS! You know how I know? Because I went to the fucking salon with her and I GOT MY ASSHOLE BLEACHED TOO! And I LOVE my new asshole! Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back like a normal person! ANNIE I am happy for you. and then is gone. LILLIAN (CONT’D) And if you’re going to act like this. I wish you well and I won’t bother you anymore. Lillian turns to sees all the women standing behind Helen. the DOORMAN offers her the party favor. Lill.85. then . Helen. no! She does not get a party favor.
PACKED WITH DOGS who are looking out the windows.DAY Annie is pissed. laying on the dashboard. at her wit’s end. CLASSY! This is perfect! WHIR-WHIR-WHIR. ANNIE Look I’ve had a horrible day. I don’t need a lecture from you right now. hard. ANNIE’S CAR .DAY Rhodes is looking at the damage. INT. a PORCUPINE crosses the road in front of her. As she stares at the van. Helen just -RHODES This didn’t happen because of Helen. He's distant but dutiful. She puts her forehead on the steering wheel. She slams on her brakes to avoid hitting it and BOOM! Annie is rear-ended. The driver behind her then backs up. EXT. peels out and drives away. She looks over as MEGAN’S VAN SPEEDS PAST HER. Pretty simple. ANNIE (yelling after car) Hit and run. driving down the highway. RHODES And now here we are. (suddenly losing it) DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT MAKES ME?! SEEING YOU DRIVING PAST NIGHT AFTER NIGHT AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T GOTTEN THOSE FUCKING LIGHTS FIXED?! DO YOU KNOW HOW FRUSTRATING THAT IS?! THERE WAS A SIMPLE SOLUTION AND YOU DIDN’T DO IT!! (MORE) I . Her car won’t start. This happened because you didn’t get your tail lights fixed. sitting on her lap. RHODES Well. ANNIE (sheepish) I know. I can’t say I’m surprised. HIGHWAY . did tell you to get your lights fixed.86.
Then you came home with me and we did stuff. ANNIE Please. . don’t bother. What is done is done.87. ANNIE Look. I should have gotten my taillights fixed. Don’t you see how irresponsible that is? ANNIE Yes. done is done.with these broken lights.. Annie is stunned. what. is that you just don’t understand that you could hurt people. I don’t know what’s going on with me right now -RHODES It’s fine. your message was received. but I didn’t. ANNIE So. that's it? RHODES Yes. Come on -ANNIE RHODES For the record Annie. You made me feel like you really liked me.. fun stuff. you flirted with me. that’s how it works. I’m just in a weird place right now. don't bother. Seriously. RHODES Don’t worry about it. RHODES (CONT'D) Your problem Annie. and then you left like it was nothing. Annie is speechless. What's He turns and starts walking toward his car. You were so nice and I feel like you-RHODES Like I said. Which is really unfair.
TED screeches up in his Porsche. How’s that working out for you. ANNIE Oh please. Rhodes gets into his car. What’s up fuck buddy? You called for some roadside assistance? Rhodes’ face drops. I have shit to do. RHODES That’s the problem with cops Annie. Tic-tock. how they act. drives off.88. RHODES Right. pretty good? Rhodes stops and turns to look at her. She sadly gets into Ted's car. . Annie looks defeated. One minute it means something the next minute it doesn't. unsure. you got it all figured out. I know how guys do this thing. TED (CONT’D) Thanks officer. we’re never there when you need us. then SIGHS. ANNIE I didn't have anyone else to call! I didn’t know you were going to show up. I can take it from here. TED (CONT’D) Come on Dingus. Come on! RHODES Just then. TED Boom. TED That cop talks weird.
please stop the car. ANNIE Please pull over! Why? TED ANNIE (looking at him) I just realized I would rather get murdered out here than spend the next half hour with you. if you want. I want to get out. TED'S CAR . TED Not a problem. TED No. If you want. ANNIE Were you busy? TED Well. What? ANNIE TED Just take a little lap nap.89... Then .MOMENTS LATER ANNIE Thanks for picking me up. Now. . You look tired. (pointing) Open for biz. it is Friday. ANNIE Can you please pull over? TED That’s an even better idea. INT. thinking. Annie looks at him. ANNIE No. just please stop the car. it’s super gravelly. If you’re tired you can totally lay down in my lap.
Annie gets out.90. Ted pulls over. Annie is sobbing. grabbing her purse. I would never last a half hour. Heel. The DOORBELL rings. Heel. He drives beside her. it’s called humor. Then . I’d probably be more comfortable with six.LIVING ROOM . ANNIE'S MOM'S LIVING ROOM . Heel. she sits on the couch with Annie. Heel. But you wouldn't know that because you haven't been returning my calls. I overcommitted with this whole dog thing. MEGAN Heel. INT. It’s the tearjerking scene when Wilson the volleyball is floating away from Tom Hanks. Besides. Uh.MOMENTS LATER. TED (CONT’D) You used me! (As she walks away) Fine. you’re no longer my number three! INT. ANNIE How many did you take? MEGAN Oh. MEGAN I’m coming in. and heads off down the shoulder of the road. She closes the door. Megan puts the dogs on the porch then closes the door. MEGAN (CONT’D) Heel. It’s a lot of energy to deal with. JUDY’S HOUSE . straightens her sweater. Heel. learn about it. Megan barges into the house with the dogs leading the way. TED Annie.NIGHT Annie sits on the couch waiting Castaway. Annie opens the door. I took nine. MEGAN is standing there with 7 PUPPIES from Helen’s shower on leashes. He’s losing his friend. Heel.
Then continues to prod and push her as she MEGAN (CONT’D) You don't want help. talks. I can’t pay any of my bills. ANNIE And say what? Hi. I can’t get off the couch. ANNIE No. I'm your life. ANNIE Ow. MEGAN You're an asshole Annie. . I don’t have any friends -Megan stands up and starts pacing then gets in Annie’s face. Stop it. You want a pity party. huh? Life can push you around. MEGAN You know what I think? She pokes Annie. I got kicked out of my apartment. I got fired from my job. Megan shoves Annie. What are you doing? MEGAN What? Am I bothering you? I’m life. MEGAN You know what I find interesting about that Annie? It’s interesting to me that you have absolutely no friends. Do you know why that’s interesting? Here’s a friend standing directly in front of you trying to talk to you and you choose to talk about having no friends. You’re gonna let life bite you on the ass? Then Megan sits on top of Annie and holds her arms.91. I don't. Life bothering you? Life's hard. my car is a piece of shit. ANNIE You know what I mean.
I don't have any friends. not figuratively. This was not easy going up and down the halls with. it’s me Megan. MEGAN I’m not. I knew that Annie was in there somewhere. They used to try to blow me up. I’m glad to see you’ve got a little bit of spark in you. Not the case Annie. People used to throw firecrackers on my head in high school. MEGAN You would be amazed. ANNIE Oh my god. (then) I think you’re ready to hear a little story about a girl named Megan who didn’t have a very good time in high school. I cannot protect you." I did not. literally. I read every book in the library and now I work for the government and have the highest possible security clearance. Annie SMACKS Megan hard in the face. Don’t repeat that. I’m sorry. I know you look at me now and think. Megan looks like she might get mad. Firecrackers. but then she smiles. "Oh. I know where all the nukes are and I know the codes. Don’t repeat that. I studied hard. MEGAN (CONT’D) I’m trying to get you to fight for your shitty life and you won’t do it. They called me a freak. I’m referring to myself when I say Megan.92. Do you think I let that stop me? Do you think I went home crying to my mommy. You know what I did? I pulled myself up. Nice hit. a lot of shopping malls. ANNIE I won’t say anything. . I’m your shitty life Annie. boy she must have breezed through high school.
(smelling her hair) Oh Annie. MEGAN I have six houses.KITCHEN . JUDY’S HOUSE . I love you. and you’re also your solution.MOMENTS LATER Annie walks up and smiles at her mom. You got another best friend sitting right in front of you if you’d notice. Megan exhales. ANNIE Nothing. They hug. . Annie's speechless. wash your hair. You’ve got to wash your hair. winded.LATER The kitchen is a mess as Annie bakes something. JUDY’S HOUSE .93. MEGAN (CONT’D) There’s the Annie I knew was there. INT. ANNIE Yes. Come on. I bought an eighteen wheeler just cause I could. ANNIE I won’t. MEGAN I know you do. I do not associate with people that blame the world for their problems cause you’re your problem Annie. very focused. I know you do. JUDY What's going on? Annie hugs her mom. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You lost Lillian. INT. bring it in.BEDROOM . I just miss her I guess. You get that? This hits Annie.
Annie motions for her mom to talk to Bill. JUDY (looks at Bill. Then. Judy sits reading an ancient magazine in the waiting area. It was just delicious. Judy. She looks pleased. then leaves. writes her bill. BILL COZBI’S BODY SHOP . It’s a cake shaped like a carrot that says “I’m Sorry. 117 She walks . Drags her over. EXT.NIGHT Annie drives past Rhodes’ place. BILL Rhodes and I worked a deal out way back when so it’s on the house.” He stares at it as Annie watches. it looks fantastic. she drives away. then) Wait. then rings the doorbell and runs back to her car.94. over and grabs her mom. don’t I know you from AA? 117 BILL Oh my gosh. She ducks down. ANNIE Wow.DAY Annie stands looking at her fixed and cleaned-up car as BILL COZBI.DAY Annie puts a cake box on the stoop in front of Rhodes’ front door. RHODES DUPLEX . Rhodes opens the front door and looks down. sparks an idea. ANNIE (CONT’D) This is my mom. She sees the cake still sitting on the stoop. EXT. a big pleasant mechanic in his 50’s. leaving the cake out there. They smile a each other. then continues on sadly. ANNIE Are you serious? Annie sees something warm in him. Heartbroken. you made that artichoke dip didn’t you. INT. RHODES DUPLEX . he heads back into the house and closes the door. Happy. Annie deflated.
JUDY You can put syrup on it.95. still sitting in the same place on the stoop. RHODES DUPLEX .she’s lost him. I’ll fix you a tuna fish sandwich. JUDY Okay. She starts to close the door. JUDY Are you sure you’re not gonna come with me today? It’s Lillian’s big day. It’s HELEN. It hits her. we looked everywhere. ANNIE Mom. EXT. The cake is being eaten by RACCOONS.. she doesn’t want me there. Judy enters in her bathrobe.MORNING Annie is sleeping..SOME TIME LATER DING DONG. Annie answers the door in her clothes. INT. INT. HELEN ANNIE What do you want? HELEN (strangely calm) I was wondering if you knew where Lillian was? ANNIE What do you mean? HELEN She disappeared after the Rehearsal dinner last night. . JUDY’S HOUSE . I can’t find her. ANNIE It’s eight in the morning. Helen stops her. I know. JUDY’S HOUSE .DAY Annie drives past the house AGAIN.
I think I know someone that could help. Can you help? ANNIE (suddenly concerned) Wait here. I’ll get my keys. ANNIE What? HELEN She’s missing. I just don’t want to talk to you. with Las Vegas -ANNIE Okay.96. HELEN Annie I want to apologize to you. You should know. I had organized everything to the last final detail. I know I hurt you and that I created a distance between you and Lillian and I want to apologize for that and everything that happened at the shower. right? You’re her best friend. .DAY Helen and Annie are driving. INT. you guys are so close. She fights to remain completely composed. It’s weird that you don’t know. As Helen starts to talk. for all the things that have gone down. personally. her face is starting to get red and her eyes are welling up. The dress looked fantastic. ANNIE’S CAR . I don’t want to hear anymore honestly. A123 A123 HELEN I just don’t know what could have possibly gone wrong. It is beyond awkward. ANNIE I don’t know. Dougie was being great and very helpful. Everything was going smoothly. it had come in from Paris. I just don’t know what happened to her.
I shit my pants. HELEN And I don’t think that Brazilian food really gave us food poisoning. HELEN Perry never wants to talk to me either. I thought it was beautiful. that was my fault.97. ANNIE No. I’m basically just by myself. HELEN (CONT’D) I don’t have any female friends. you have really lovely taste. Helen is now beet red and looks almost like she’s in pain as she fights with every muscle in her body to remain composed. like all year. He travels a lot. HELEN I think people only ask me to do their weddings because I’m good at organizing parties. ANNIE Thanks. and not pretty. I don’t think it did. But it’s a little too late for that. Helen’s hands and body contort and her face gets redder and sweatier. ANNIE HELEN No. Helen is now crying. HELEN I don’t think that was your fault. No it did. HELEN You know I really liked that original dress you picked at the bridal store. Annie cracks a smile. . Annie looks disturbed. ANNIE It was the food. ANNIE I don’t feel sorry for you.
ROAD . Rhodes lifts a sandwich to his mouth and takes a casual bite. I’m not really an ugly crier.DAY Rhodes sits in his car at his post. HELEN I ruined my makeup. reading a newspaper. I still look pretty right? EXT. please. ANNIE Maybe just a little bit. HELEN Well. Rhodes starts to roll up his window. HELEN I look ugly? (laughing and crying) No I don’t. Icing Annie. (to Rhodes) Officer! Roll down your window! Excuse me! Please! ANNIE Rhodes. It makes me kind of happy. Annie’s car pulls up next to him. HELEN He’s ignoring you.98. . HELEN (CONT’D) Why are you smiling? ANNIE This is the first time I’ve seen you look ugly. but that’s okay. ANNIE You’re an ugly crier. I don’t really look ugly. I know you can hear me and I know you’re mad at me. Flips to the next page of the paper. But I need your help. ANNIE (yelling over Helen) Rhodes! Rhodes.
sending up a cloud of smoke. Rhodes sets down his crossword and turns on his flashing lights. Annie turns around again. Really. . this time swerving all over the road. Helen is scared. speeding past even faster. that would have been dangerous for a good driver. then drives away.CONTINUOUS Annie’s car SPEEDS past Rhodes.. HELEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ANNIE Just trying to get his attention. She screeches to a stop.. doing a donut in the middle of the road.CONTINUOUS She speeds by Rhodes again. She finally pulls up behind him and taps the back of his car. She yells to him. ROAD . EXT. This time she honks the horn and flashes her headlights. thinking. but instead takes out a pen and starts doing the crossword. burning rubber. Annie looks back and turns the car around. Makes the siren give one small sad BLOOP. ANNIE I’m speeding! You better pull me over!! Rhodes REALLY wants to. Rhodes folds his paper into a square and prepares to do the crossword. throwing a bunch of TRASH and DIET COKE CANS out of the window.99. Then quickly gets out of his car. He fights to continue ignoring her. blaring music. RHODES Annie speeds by again and again.. ignoring her. EXT. RHODES (CONT’D) Are you crazy? All that stuff. ROAD . HELEN You know this guy? Annie stares at him. She’s gonna try again. drinking a 40 oz. He takes another bite of his sandwich.
Okay.. We can’t find Lillian. I’ve heard wonderful things. RHODES (into phone) Uh huh. Uh huh.100.. I need your help. EXT. I really need your help. Let me get on with my job Annie. (then) We’ve traced her cell phone to the corner of Craner and Rose. Have you ever seen CSI? Twenty four hours. RHODES Who’s this one? ANNIE (hesitates) This is Helen. thanks. Annie and Helen stand. Do you know where that is? . ANNIE I’m sorry. Rhodes is immediately speechless. watching. HELEN Please Nathan. RHODES’ CAR . RHODES How long has she been gone? ANNIE She’s been missing for like twelve hours. ANNIE (sincere) Nathan. RHODES Twelve hours? It’s not a missing person until it’s at least twenty four hours.please.MOMENTS LATER Rhodes is on his phone as he types on the car’s computer. RHODES Hello Helen.
That’s embarrassing. Let’s go. I thought you said you looked there.It’s nice to see you. that was crazy of her. HELEN Last night. ANNIE (to Helen) That’s her apartment. Thank you. you’re welcome. RHODES So you’re saying she’s at her apartment? That’s what you’re telling me? ANNIE She must have gone back after you left. RHODES I’m glad that you got your tail lights fixed. I didn't mean to waste your time. The girls are quiet and perplexed. let’s go! It’s over. RHODES God. ANNIE . We did. HELEN Thank god. HELEN Annie. RHODES (underwhelmed) No. talking softly to each other. ANNIE (to Rhodes) We found her! I’m so sorry. Missing girl found at her apartment. thank you.101. This is the kind of high-octane stuff that made me want to be a cop. Annie reads between the lines. .. It’s adrenaline pinching. Means I won’t have to stop you again.. Let’s go.
102. RHODES Anyway, go and save your friend from her apartment. He sits in his car. Annie looks like she wants to say more but can’t. She gets in her car, then drives away. Helen looks at Annie, then out the back window at Rhodes. HELEN’S POV: Rhodes stares after them, looking bummed. EXT. LILLIAN’S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY Annie’s car pulls up in front of Lillian’s apartment building. Her car is there! They start to jump out. ANNIE Do you mind if I actually go by myself? Helen understands and nicely nods. INT. LILLIAN’S APARTMENT - DAY Annie, with her own key, unlocks the door, and walks into the apartment. It’s quiet. Lillian? ANNIE Lill?! She gets it.
After a beat, she hears a small GROAN. Annie walks in and sees the outline of Lillian in bed. She’s completely covered from head to toe by her comforter. Lill? Go away. ANNIE (CONT’D) LILLIAN
Annie sits on the bed and pulls the covers off of Lillian’s face. ANNIE What happened? Lillian has been crying, and continues to. LILLIAN This whole wedding is fucked up. Helen took over everything. Everything’s gotten out of control. My dad can’t afford the wedding. (MORE)
103. LILLIAN (CONT'D) (beat) This has been really hard to do without you. It’s been shitty. I’m sorry. ANNIE
LILLIAN Nope, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I kicked you out of my wedding. It’s my fault. ANNIE No it’s my fault. (beat) I think I’m the one with the mental problems. LILLIAN Yeah, wasn’t it my turn to be crazy? The bride is supposed to be crazy. ANNIE Yes, technically. LILLIAN You kind of stole all the crazy. ANNIE I out-crazied you. Everything is going to be okay. LILLIAN How do you know that? At the rehearsal dinner last night I told Dougie I had to get Q-Tips and all of a sudden I was driving here. I came here. I realize this is the last time I’m going to be here. With that couch and this bed. Taking a bath in my bathtub. You know how much I love my bathtub. ANNIE (humoring her kindly) It’s a good tub. I slept in there on my 30th birthday. LILLIAN I remember. Everything is going to change. (tearfully) (MORE)
104. LILLIAN (CONT'D) I’m not going to get to live five minutes away from you. That makes me so sad. Annie soaks this in, and although sad, sees this is her time to be there for Lillian. ANNIE Don’t be sad. Things are going to change, but they’ll be better. You’re gonna take this huge, great, beautiful step. And Dougie loves you more than anything and so do I. LILLIAN But what about you? What’s going to happen to you? Annie realizes she’s going to be okay. ANNIE I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. I am fine. Besides, you need to blaze the trail for me and then report back and tell me what’s coming. LILLIAN Whatever you say, boss. They smile and hug. ANNIE C’mon, put on your dress and let’s go to your wedding. LILLIAN Mmm. That’s the other problem. CUT TO: INT. LILLIAN’S APARTMENT - SAME Lillian entering in THE MOST OVER-THE-TOP COUTURE WEDDING DRESS EVER IMAGINED. Annie IMMEDIATLEY starts to laugh. LILLIAN Don’t you dare laugh. Annie cracks up. Lillian joins her. It’s RIDICULOUS. LILLIAN (CONT’D) I cannot wear this dress.
PULL BACK to see the bridesmaids and groomsmen are standing on ornate platforms that are sticking up out of a reflecting pool. we’ll fix it. take Lillian . ANNIE Don’t say that. ANNIE Don’t panic. EXT. Lillian nods and gives Annie a grateful smile. take Douglas . OUTDOOR WEDDING .NIGHT DRAMATIC LIGHTING AND MUSIC. . LILLIAN Do you have a chain saw? And a blow torch? I think this whole wedding is going to be a disaster. happy to be friends again. It has a ring bearer’s pillow on it’s back and wears a dog tuxedo. DOUGIE They’re both MINISTER And do you.. Lill. I promise. I do. Lillian Grace Donovan. Megan has one of her dogs on a leash. As the minister continues. MINISTER Do you.. I will not let you walk down that aisle unless you look perfect and beautiful..105.. LILLIAN PULL BACK MORE to see that Lillian and Dougie are actually standing ON THE WATER as a laser light show is spelling out “THEY DO” inside a beating heart on the fog behind them. Douglas Anthony Hastings. If Helen had anything to do with this wedding it is going to be perfect and tasteful. A minister is giving the vows to Lillian and Dougie in front of a wall of fog. I do. We’ll tweak it.
beaming. Megan comes up next to Annie laughing. Annie watches as the car drives away. Lillian mouths “Thank You. Megan looks into the crowd. winking. who couldn’t get close to the front. Lillian’s gone. I promise. This is crazy.HUNT CLUB . HELEN And now ladies and gentlemen. TSA is gonna rip his ass apart. A133 .” and waves goodbye..NIGHT The doors fly open. Lill hugs Helen and thanks her. It’s nuts. The bride and groom run down the stairs everyone is throwing flower petals and cheering. They find each other. Before she gets in the car she looks for someone. Lillian looks over at Annie. Annie is floored. It’s Annie. She couldn’t be happier. They say goodbye to people. playing her favorite song.” Helen is looking around at it all. BOOM! FIREWORKS start to go off as the LASER LIGHT SHOW goes into overdrive. “We were wrong. I now declare you man and wife. Put it together for Wilson Phillips! WILSON PHILLIPS walks out singing. hug etc.. They exchange a smile that says. JON the Air Marshal winks back! EXT. WEDDING RECEPTION . ANNIE (to Helen) Really? A133 HELEN This is the last one. Lillian and Dougie kiss. here with us tonight is Lillian’s favorite band.106. You may now kiss the bride. MINISTER By the powers invested in me. share a smile. As fireworks continue and MUSIC starts . Once again she pulls a mic out of no where. ANNIE What’s so funny? MEGAN I put a loaded gun in Dougie’s carry on.
HUNT CLUB PARKING LOT . Helen is relieved. Annie looks out. HELEN What did you think of the wedding? ANNIE It was great. HELEN Did you have a nice evening? ANNIE It was beautiful. ANNIE Helen. RHODES How did it all work out? ANNIE Strangely well. HELEN Thank you Annie. parking lot. HELEN It was great. followed by an awkward pause.NIGHT Annie and Helen are saying goodbye.107. your ride is here. right? ANNIE It was perfect. EXT. Helen’s eyes light up. like Jake Ryan in ‘Sixteen Candles’. happiness comes over her. touched. (beat) Hey maybe one night the three of us can go to Rockin’ Sushi together. She does. Reveal Officer Rhodes standing next to his squad car. She then glances out to the HELEN (CONT’D) (then) Annie. HELEN It was really nice meeting you. . Annie gives Helen a look of “How?” Helen just smiles and nods for Annie to head over. then smiles. it was really nice meeting you too. I would love that. yes.
it’s against regulation for you to sit in the front.) Officer Rhodes. . I’m pretty strong and tough so it wasn’t much of a contest. Annie walks around the car and starts to get into the front passenger seat. Care to ride along? ANNIE Sure. POLICE RADIO (O. Yeah. If I drive like this. You did? ANNIE RHODES Yup. I’m on duty. alright. And I need to put my uniform on. c’mon. RHODES Where you goin? You’ll have to sit in the back seat. RHODES Good. please report to North Brook Street -RHODES Whoops.S. (beat) I ate your cake that you left. She goes around to the other side and as she’s getting in Rhodes pushes her head down like she’s under arrest.108. they’re going to think I stole the car. I had to fight some raccoons off but that’s okay. What?! ANNIE Rhodes opens the car’s BACK door for her. I’m just gonna kiss you now rather than -They kiss. ANNIE (CONT’D) You’re gonna make me sit in the back seat? RHODES Yes.
littering. force of habit. ANNIE (O. did you? ANNIE (O.) Actually I’m afraid there is a warrant out for your arrest. You didn’t think I was gonna let you get away with that.S.109.) What!? Why? RHODES (O.S. He closes the door and jumps in the driver’s seat.S. As the car pulls away we continue to hear their conversation.S. RHODES (CONT’D) Sorry.) Can I please get in the front seat? RHODES (O.) Reckless driving.) (CONT’D) (smiling) Thank you. THE END . consuming alcohol while operating a vehicle.S.) Can you at least put the siren on? Rhodes flips on the siren as they drive off. ANNIE (O. texting. ANNIE (O.S.
This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
We've moved you to where you read on your other device.
Get the full title to continue reading from where you left off, or restart the preview.