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INT. KOWOLSKI'S BAKERY - KITCHEN - DAY A news crew shuttles around a GIGANTIC COOKIE. Standing by are the KOWOLSKI BROTHERS, GUSTOV and VOL, two SHORT, STOCKY, MEN, along with MOTHER KOWOLSKI and other bakery family employees. A "30 YEAR ANNIVERSARY" sign hangs in the background. BRUCE NOLAN looks into a make-up mirror, desperately trying to place a large segment of wayward hair. BRUCE Oh, God, no! The hair's wrong. This is a bad sign. (calling out) We really need to get a make-up person?! The segment producer, ALLY LOMAN, steps over. ALLY Not in the budget. And not to worry, you're going to look great in this. She holds out a HAIR NET. BRUCE A hair net? I'm not wearing a hair net. I just did the hair. ALLY (matter of fact) Health code. In the kitchen or around the cookie, you gotta have it. BRUCE (to crew: re hair net) You guy's should tell me this before hand, this is like a huge waste of... moose.
Bruce spreads the hair net, bends down out of frame, comes up looking ridiculous and very disgruntled. BRUCE Remind me to swing by an elementary school after this and serve lunch. Ally laughs. ALLY You're a thing of beauty. In three, two, one... Bruce SNAPS from pissed to instant charismatic TV newsman. (Note: Whenever Bruce speaks on camera he speaks in his "REPORTER'S VOICE" -- that recognizable, too-smooth delivery that all news reporters seem to have. In mathematical terms Bruce's version is to the 7th power.) BRUCE For three decades the Kowolski Family Bakery has been a mainstay in downtown Buffalo. Known for their sinfully rich, cream filled, deep fried polski pierogis. And the occasional sugar induced coma that follows. Today, in honor of their 30 year anniversary, Momma Kowolski and her sons Gustov and Vol, decided to do something, a little bit different. Tell me guys, how did this idea come about? GUSTOV Well, Vol said to me, 'Gustov, why don't we make the biggest chocolate chip cookie in Buffalo?' And I said, 'Yeah, sure.' BRUCE Wow. Fascinating. Bruce steps up to the HUGE COOKIE. BRUCE The previous Buffalo cookie record was 3 feet, 17 inches baked by Gladys Pelsnick. But this behemoth cookie clearly proving that Gustov and Vol have much more free time.
The Kowolski brothers and all celebrate in the background, toasting with big mugs of milk. Bruce steps forward, looks dramatically at camera, slow zoom in as he speaks. BRUCE As we witness the ceremonial toasting with milk it makes one pause and think. What are we really looking at here? Is it just a big cookie or does this cookie represent the pride of Buffalo? Our dedicated and hard working citizens the key ingredient, with a few nuts thrown in. (motions his eyes to the Kowolski twins) And finally, the love of our families which provides the warm chewy center making our beloved Buffalo the sweetest place to live. Camera is in CLOSE as Bruce signs-off. BRUCE And that's the way the cookie crumbles. I'm Bruce Nolan, Eyewitness News. Bruce's hair net SLIPS UP, PUFFING HIS HAIR INTO A BUN ON THE TOP OF HIS HEAD. The Kowolskis and bystanders all laugh. The frame FREEZES. We PULL BACK from the TV and find Bruce holding the remote, watching the recorded spot on TV. We are now... INT. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Bruce is with his longtime girlfriend, GRACE. She has a box of photos on the coffee table in front of her organizing them into a photo album. BRUCE So, what do you think? GRACE It's good. BRUCE It sucks. It's a story about a cookie. People with eating disorders will be riveted,
Try to stay focused here. I love the hair net. my gosh. This is our future! Bruce points to the TV as he says "future. GRACE I thought it was funny. look at this one. GRACE Aren't you taking this a little too seriously? BRUCE It's sweeps Grace. Grace can't help but giggle. Right out of the gate. love the bakery piece. It is serious. GRACE Oh. Grace looks at a photo.(goes into huge pathetic fan character) Dear Bruce. I need your help." not realizing he's pointing at the ridiculous image of himself with the hair net bun. I lost the hair advantage. I can't wait to vomit so I can make room for more cookies. I don't even look like myself. BRUCE Grace. Bruce collapses into Grace's arms like a child. She places it in the album. How'd you get it to do that? BRUCE What? I'm cutting that. BRUCE . GRACE I'm sorry. The hair is one of the most important parts of an on camera persona. My sister is so drunk. They made me wear that stupid thing. He clearly has a fragile temperament. This is important. There's an anchor job open.
BRUCE So. BRUCE (down) Yeah. GRACE Well. here's me at my sister's wedding. Come on. laughing. You make people smile.(sighs) I'm never going to get anchor doing these kind of assignments. GRACE You have no idea. It's a picture of Grace overpowering the other bridesmaids for the bouquet. It's the two of them. hun. You're funny. younger. you're attracted to me in some way. so full of hopes and dreams. BRUCE (reluctant) Alright. help me put this album together. Grace holds up a photo. . GRACE It does matter. It's the first day we moved in together. take a break. GRACE Oh. GRACE Oh look at this. BRUCE You look pretty intense. I caught the bouquet. Grace cuddles into Bruce. is that what you're trying to say? Grace rolls over onto Bruce. I want my work to matter. I was thinking about you.
CUT TO: A TELEVISION SCREEN We see the INTRO FOR SIXTY MINUTES: NEWS CLIP I'm Ed Bradley.BRUCE I was saving myself for the wedding night. Bruce joins in as they disappear into the bedroom. stumbling toward the bedroom. let me take these clothes off and slip into my hair net. They kiss. GRACE (sweet. BRUCE (newscaster voice) Well then. that's a good line. From the diaphragm. but if you keep this up. but you need more resonance. I'm Morely Safer. GRACE Oh. I just love on-air personalities. Grace laughs. BRUCE Hey. I may lose my resolve. GRACE Well. and I'm -- . BRUCE (bigger) That's the way the cookie crumbles. Grace stands. (newscaster voice) That's the way the cookie crumbles. pulling Bruce up. southern groupie) Oh. that's the way the cookie crumbles. say it again.
INT. BEDROOM . Bruce throws a mock hissy fit.MORNING Bruce lies next to Grace with a big smile on his face. Her head wavers. I'm having a great dream. BRUCE No. who lowers a bamboo blow gun.. then DROPS on the desk.MORNING Bruce watches TV as he buttons his shirt. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT .. they're my team. gets up. BRUCE Of course they lost. BRUCE . And this is Sixty Minutes. Four to three to the Toronto Maple Leafs. The camera PANS to BRUCE... THE SIXTY MINUTES TICKING CLOCK DISSOLVE TO: BRUCE'S ALARM CLOCK . GRACE Sweety.and the Sabers lost another close one last night...Bruce Nolan... . cooly addresses camera. time to get up. Grace hits the alarm. SPORTSCASTER . CUT TO: MOMENTS LATER Bruce checks his hair in the mirror practicing his new signoff.LESLIE STAHL is HIT IN THE NECK WITH A TRANQUILIZER DART. The covers are RIPPED OUT OF FRAME. INT. rolls over snuggling close to Bruce. She kisses Bruce.IT RINGS We are in.
the dog! GRACE (O. APARTMENT . nice car. GRACE Wow. EXT. SMALL WONDERS DAY CARE . huh? B-e-autiful.SAM Peeing in the corner on the carpet.S. APARTMENT STAIRCASE Bruce runs along carrying the peeing Sam with extended arms dodges a man ascending the stares. BRUCE Oh. A 2003 MERCEDES SRL passes by.MORNING Bruce pulls up in his Ford Taurus to a cluster of cars unloading kids.) I'm in the shower! BRUCE Ah! INT. you're all done.BRUCE "And that's the way the cookie crumbles. finished. BRUCE Whoops. huh? . sets Sam down on the grass.CONTINUOUS Bruce makes it outside. I think there might be something to that cookie line." ANGLE . Every great anchor has his own signature sign-off. Sam looks up innocently at Bruce. who gets sprinkled. (as Walter Cronkite) "And that's the way the cookie crumbles. EXT. BRUCE Oh no! Grace. sorry." (calls to Grace) You know.
I'm giving. GRACE Oh. that's your. It's in your body and I don't think it's supposed to come out. yech.. They have an endless supply frozen in a warehouse somewhere then tell everyone there's a shortage. AB positive. Now stop it. IB positive they ain't touchin' me with no needle. I'm IB positive. BRUCE Creepy.. Besides. Then Bruce notices a big medical van in front of the school with a BLOOD DRIVE SIGN. She places a STRING OF PRAYER BEADS on the rearview mirror. blood. that's a nice response... BRUCE Well.. I have a very rare blood type... GRACE They do not. .. BRUCE What's with the hubbub? GRACE We're having a blood drive. starts out when. Needles. GRACE (suddenly remembers something) Oh. Grace sighs in exasperation. they stockpile that stuff.BRUCE Yeah. BRUCE I mean. if you want to rub your success in people's faces. it's just so.. GRACE Helpful and life saving? BRUCE C'mon..
A big accident ahead. He looks to the right of the car in front of him. He stares at the prayer beads with a "thanks alot" look. no glory! SFX: SIREN Bruce pulls over. BRUCE Well. BRUCE (laughs) Catch you later. bumping . fumes. Keep you safe. only the strong survive. (thinks) Screw it. races out of the car. lemmings! It's kill or be killed. no guts. He checks it.DAY Bruce is stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. The kids made 'em.BRUCE What's that? GRACE Prayer beads. perfect. A person is CARRIED BY ON A STRETCHER. BRUCE (looking heavenward) Thank you. HIGHWAY . passing tons of cars. I hope they work. Bruce is oblivious. he's screwed. PARKING LOT . EXT. BRUCE This is just my luck.DAY Bruce screeches into a space. EXT.. Bruce's BEEPER sounds.. cause it's going take a miracle to get me to work on time. Bruce looks at his watch. BRUCE The meeting's starting. then peels off onto the shoulder.
NEWSROOM .over a trash can. I can't.. that's -. BOBBY (bending down) You like Quiche? He comes back up. the endlessly yammering PASTRY CART GUY. then continues on. My mom made it just for you. Bobby shoves a bite into Bruce's mouth. then stolen by the French. sees a HOMELESS MAN who sits peacefully next to a paint bucket and sign boards.. INT. it's Mayan!" Bobby belts out a laugh. "Hey. delicious. BRUCE Well. I gotta go -I'm late. I got somethin' special today. The various "warnings" change daily. BRUCE Bobby. Today's SIGN reads: R EWE BLIND? Bruce looks at the sign quizzically for a beat. proudly presents a slice of quiche. taste it. contrary to popular belief the quiche was actually invented by the Mayans. .DAY Bruce rushes through the newsroom. I really gotta go. rounds a corner and runs right into BOBBY. goes back to pick it up.Bobby.. Bruce feigns liking it with exasperation. Don't even move. Buddy. BOBBY You know. They shoulda said. BRUCE Mmm. BOBBY Bruce the goose! Morning. I -— BOBBY Just taste it.. that quiche ain't yours.
BOBBY That's a buck seventy-five. two-ten..Ahh. two o'clock. Hey. digs into his pocket. I saw them editing your cookie piece. BRUCE Can you get Kelly -. BOBBY (gets a brilliant idea) Maybe you could do a story on her! Bruce tosses the money on the cart. BRUCE Keep the change. SUSAN ORTEGA across the room. BRUCE (holding money out) Bobby. BOBBY Way out of our league. Bruce tosses the thought. fishing for cash. BOBBY (excited) Oh. heads off. annoyed but freezes at the sight of sexy anchorwoman. ... BRUCE Really? BOBBY They must have gotten high or something.. Bruce glances over. how long have you been interested in pastry? 'Cause I've got an aunt who makes baklava twenty layers deep. huh? Bruce offers his money to Bobby. BOBBY You know. cause they was orderin' everything. twoofive. I had. two o'clock.
Bruce looks at the sign quizzically for a beat. a constant furrow in his brow.BOBBY (calling after) I'll give her a call." FRED Sniffles at eleven is nice. perfect everything and he knows it. just into watching.DAY ON THE MONITOR: EVAN Is something killing your kids? Find out tonight at eleven. always tanned. Or I could change it to: "Slow news day. then continues on. FRED DONOHUE. isn't that last one a little misleading? I mean. JACK Okay. 50's. Also in the room: Bruce's fellow field reporter and rival EVAN BAXTER. STAFF MEETING ROOM . Do we have to scare people to death? EVAN No. Leading the group is the station manager and Bruce's boss. the ever jovial sports reporter. a walking statement. vain weatherman. let's -— ALLY Ah. perfect speech. 30's . At eleven. the story's about flu shots. IN THE ROOM The morning meeting is well in progress. JACK KELLER. Impeccable posture. we'll talk about it later! INT. DALLAS Attack of the killer sniffles? . promos are approved. DALLAS COLEMAN and segment producer Ally Loman. come yawn with us.
Any word on the open anchor position. Jack. Bruce. he just looks at his watch. but promos are approved. Now can we move on? ALLY Jack. EVAN He looks Florida ripe to me. Jack? JACK Evan. but we're going with Evan's piece on the sex scandal at the mayor's office for sweeps. The meeting stops. yeah. This hits Bruce hard. JACK I would have swore I already said this. More laughs. It wasn't my fault.ALLY (to Dallas) The tanning booth is starting to zap your brain.. FRED Come on. EVAN (leading) Yeah. A beat of silence. Jack doesn't need to say anything. shouldn't the promos be focusing on Pete's retirement. you know that? DALLAS I don't use a tanning booth. This is his last week. Bruce bursts into the room. You're turning orange. BRUCE Sorry. . The traffic was -— You guys already played the spots? JACK Nice story.. A beat and they all crack up. you'll know something when I know something.
EVAN And that's the way the cookie crumbles. EVAN I'm just messin' with you. knock it off. Jack takes his sandwich and leaves. Bruce we're holding your story in reserve.. I called my aunt.MOMENTS LATER Jack is at Bobby's cart. Now.. can we get back to the board so we have something to air today? Jack continues with assignments.. Bruce. INT. Can I talk to you for a second? JACK Sure. What do you need? BRUCE Sweeps. hey. Bruce.. Bruce catches up to him. deflated. or do you have to shove a stick up there? JACK Okay. Jack. BRUCE (re: Evan's perfect posture) That's great Evan. HALLWAY . BOBBY Don't worry about it. Evan sits smugly. . Is you're posture naturally that good. Only Ally remains sympathetic. See you've got to remember that the news room is like a cookie. More laughs. paying for a sandwich. Bobby leans to Bruce. BRUCE Jack. The others chuckle. as Bruce slides down into his chair. we're on.
Jack.this anchor position looming. I'm getting desperate man. JACK Are you going to pick that up? BRUCE Yeah. You can't. It scatters on the floor. Bruce bends down.. Hi. Susan. Evan's an asshole. BRUCE I can be an asshole. Susan. it's gotten me nuts. I am pushing forty and what have I got to show for it? The point is. And Evan is just lovin' it. I've hit some kind of a ceiling here. Hear me out. I'm sorry. starts picking up Jack's food. Jack and Bruce stare at each other for a beat. Jack. Bruce thinks. by the way.. Some kind of antiBruce barrier. JACK/BRUCE Hi. BRUCE It's just -. then flips Jack's sandwich plate over. JACK You don't want to be like Evan. as sexy anchorwoman SUSAN ORTEGA saunters by. BRUCE Look. SUSAN ORTEGA Hi. He gets the good stories. He hands the plate to Jack. JACK No. Maybe I have to be more like Evan. JACK .Bruce looks at Bobby. he gets on sweeps. Bruce. Bruce blanches at this obvious snubbing. continues after and catches Jack.
(releases Jack) I will not forget you when I go national. JACK (beat) Alright. he's heard this a thousand times before. God knows today we can use it. a one room day care center filled with children and toys. tell you what. BRUCE Evan gets the live feeds. pressing the sandwich against his chest. That's always live. Bruce slumps.. Bruce takes off. Bruce. SMALL WONDERS DAY CARE . You make people laugh. JACK Well now you and Evan get the live feeds. BRUCE I'm going live. but watch yourself. Grace turns. We hear children's joyous SHRIEKS. peels the sandwich off his chest. I've seen your outtakes. BRUCE Yes! You will not regret this. . It's the 23rd anniversary of the Maid of the Mist. In sweeps.DAY A COUPLE DOZEN KIDS playing at Grace's self-starter business. I want you at Niagara Falls in an hour. BRUCE Maid of the Mist. You're a good reporter. JACK Yep. Bruce.Look.. JACK Yes. Jack. Bruce hugs Jack. INT. Jack looks down. reacts.
ZOE Mommy! GRACE They didn't teach you Spanish in nursing school." GRACE Martin. then you've got a bad case of Liberace. Problemo? GRACE Martin has decided to explore new food groups. Open your mouth. enters. Grace snatches it. this is for art. He does. GRACE Oh. (back to Martin) Martin. His tongue sparkles with glitter.GRACE Martin. ZOE. Debbie. DEBBIE Is it so wrong to tie them up? GRACE Deb -— Martin! Martin is busted with the paste spreader stuck in his mouth. are you eating the glitter again? ON MARTIN . She spreads paste on the paper. Grace's sister. She's wearing a nurse's outfit. it seemed like they were speaking a foreign language sometimes. 3. Like this. Abra su boca. did they? DEBBIE Well. runs over to greet her.AN ADORABLE HISPANIC BOY He shakes his head "no. . Her youngest. you're not huh? Well. sprinkles glitter. but no.
will you? Debbie does. EXT.GRACE Okay. you know.g. Grab that for me.. GRACE Don't start. Go. NIAGARA FALLS . DEBBIE (laughs) You're good with them. DEBBIE If the moo fits. (to Debbie) I swear that kid is going to poop an ornament. don't call me that. GRACE Saved by the bell. it's Debbie. GRACE Debbie. DEBBIE Small Wonders Day Care. setting up for the report. go rinse your mouth with water. BRUCE Grace? INTERCUT DAY CARE AND FALLS DEBBIE (cheery) No. DEBBIE Free milk cow.. The FALLS ROAR behind him and the Maid of the Mist sightseeing boat is in the b. You should have some of your own. Lave su boca. The phone RINGS. while the NEWS CREW races around. The sister who's life you're not wasting. .DAY Bruce is on his cell phone.
hun. What we've always talked about. BRUCE This is happening for us. GRACE Live? That's great! BRUCE Yep. he didn't spell it out. but this is exactly what happened to Susan Ortega right before she was bumped up to the desk. my gosh. I got sweeps and I'm live. DEBBIE (feigns innocent) What? GRACE Sorry. Grace. She experienced the premature celebration before. it's happenin'. honey. A little place called the winners circle. I'm at the Falls doing a "live" report. You know what that means? They're seeing if I can think on my feet. GRACE Oh. Grace quickly switches gears. GRACE .GRACE Hey. Where are you? BRUCE (flying high) Oh. GRACE Wait. what do you mean practically? BRUCE Well. My sister seems to think she's my mother. Jack practically came out and told me. like you might have to do in a live news anchor situation. Grace GRABS THE PHONE.
MAID OF THE MIST BOAT . they're calling me. GRACE Good luck. BRUCE I totally agree. They want you to hold up this. BRUCE What for? I'll get soaked. ALLY They want you close to the falls. Ally interrupts. BRUCE I love you. I gotta go. as he places his ear piece. I love you. BRUCE Oh. DEBBIE Moooo.(being cautious) I just want to make sure we're not getting too ahead of ourselves.DAY Ally hustles Bruce toward the bow of the boat. NIAGARA FALLS . EXT. ALLY Part of the condition of us getting the exclusive. She hands Bruce a very stupid looking. ALLY That's the point. (hangs up) Debbie turns to Grace. honey. indicating the time. but in the mean time you should start thinking about what coast you want to live on. . blue "falls" shaped UMBRELLA with the MAID OF THE MIST INSIGNIA. GRACE Stop it.
. think dignity.Bruce takes the umbrella. CUT TO: THE LIVE FEED IN THE CAMERA TRUCK AT THE FALLS Some of the CREW MEMBERS watch the feed... going live. They cater to tourists. the toxic chemicals were cleaned up without incident. BRUCE 90 seconds. ON TV Pete Fineman is reporting.. BRUCE And people who are insanely thirsty. ALLY . (glances up toward umbrella) Ignore umbrella. Bruce looks upward at the ridiculous umbrella.She rode on the maiden voyage with her late husband. VERY OLD WOMAN next to Bruce.. honeymooners.but because of the fast response by our local fire fighters. ALLY And you'll be interviewing Irene Dansfield. Mutters encouragement to himself.. Susan. PETE FINEMAN .. 90 seconds. BRUCE Lovely. this is their 23rd anniversary. She positions A VERY.. Capacity is 59. Just have fun. . ALLY Remember. I get it. Okay. Think anchor. Glad I wore my tap shoes.
Put in some hard working citizens. ON BRUCE Listening to the feed. heart-felt smile. Looks like we'll be sitting side by side from now on. we have an announcement to make. after 33 years. but before we go live to Bruce. Bruce listens on the feed. I think a great city is a lot like a great recipe really. our beloved Pete Fineman is retiring. His FACE GOES WHITE. add some care givers. SUSAN Congratulations. Evan is seated next to Susan. Evan. that ultimately creates a sweet place to live. but I'll do my best. Thank you. EVAN All sprinkled with the strength and love of our good families. The other news anchors and Evan himself chuckle at "his" joke. EVAN Thanks. Pete smiles a proud. but the show must go on.The female co-anchor.. Susan. And we could think of no one better than our very own Evan Baxter. As everyone knows. SUSAN Pete's shoes are virtually impossible to fill. no one can replace the great Pete Fineman. I have to say I am so proud to be a part of our local community of Buffalo.. He stands in shock. I'm thrilled and honored. Like you said. SUSAN ORTEGA: SUSAN Bruce Nolan is standing by at Niagara Falls with a report on the Maid of the Mist sightseeing boat. maybe a few nuts. beyond stunned. .
EXT. talk. Check his feed. INT. STUDIO CONTROL ROOM . Evan smiles in the background.CONTINUOUS Bruce stands like a deer in headlights. INT. NIAGARA FALLS . have Susan cover. SMALL WONDER DAY CARE . JACK He may not have audio. And now let's go live to wacky Bruce Nolan out at Niagara Falls. GRACE Talk honey. Grace watches the TV with a few other teachers.SUSAN (touched) Wow. CONSOLE OPERATOR Frozen solid.. holding the ridiculous umbrella. STUDIO CONTROL ROOM .CONTINUOUS CONSOLE OPERATOR .CONTINUOUS Jack rushes in. clearly enjoying himself. STUDIO CONTROL ROOM .CONTINUOUS Susan reacts to the message in her ear piece. INT. Ally signals Bruce he's on. numb. JACK What's going on? DIRECTOR We've got a Walt Disney. She's concerned. SUSAN We may be having a bit of technical difficulty. He stares into camera. INT. That was amazing.SAME TIME The kids are gone. looking at Bruce on the monitor. drenched..
God. Bruce Nolan here aboard the Maid of the Mist at Niagara falls. Jack. Susan.CONTINUOUS BRUCE First off. Bruce surges in. heads out of the room. INT. I believe with Katherine Hepburn's mom.. Tell me.CONTINUOUS Like popping out of a coma.Feed's good. why did you toss the blue "heart of the ocean" jewel over the railing of Titanic? The Old Woman doesn't know what to say.CONTINUOUS GRACE Thank you. INT. Okay. seems very up and fine. SMALL WONDERS CARE . Surprisingly. (still smiling) Anyway. Jack pats the Director's shoulder..DAY GRACE Please baby. NIAGARA FALLS .CONTINUOUS JACK (sighs relief) Thank God. EXT. Bruce. . STUDIO CONTROL ROOM . EXT. say something. INT... NIAGARA FALLS . I'm here. BRUCE Thank you. SMALL WONDERS DAY CARE . get ready to pull the plug. I want to add another congratulations to Evan Baxter. JACK Come on. talk damnit. It's good to see what someone with real talent can accomplish when great opportunities are given to him instead of me.
. sucking up all the glory. the camera follows.CONTINUOUS GRACE This isn't happening. Tell me.. INT. This isn't happening... Bill shakes his head "NO" as Bruce pulls him into frame.? BRUCE Well. NIAGARA FALLS .. comfy news room. Bill. I guess that's the way life works. lets speak to the owner. are sitting in a nice. isn't it? Some people are drenched. with a stupid umbrella. SMALL WONDERS DAY CARE . on a stupid boat. freezing to death. why do you think I didn't get the anchor job? BILL . JACK Did I just hear.CONTINUOUS Jack rockets back into the room. BRUCE Bill. (heaves the umbrella) while others who aren't fit to kiss my willy. BRUCE Now.BRUCE Did you feel guilty at all letting Leonardo DeCaprio freeze. you've been running the Maid of the Mist for 23 years. while you were safe floating on the big door? Do you think he would have survived if you had taken turns.CONTINUOUS Bruce takes off walking. EXT. STUDIO CONTROL ROOM . Come on in here. or were you too afraid to freeze your big fat ass off? INT.
STUDIO CONTROL ROOM .CONTINUOUS Susan Ortega stares frozen blankly into camera.Hey. EXT. STUDIO CONTROL ROOM . Smooth as silk. JACK Alright.DAY . INT. Erroooding. PARKING LOT . is the bedrock of my life slowly eroding underneath me. INT.CONTINUOUS Jack stands with his jaw dropped. to an inch away) Eroding.. snaps out of it. Stunned staffers stare at the monitor. his box of possessions spilling on the ground. INT. EXT. NEWS ROOM . man. Errodiiiing. CONTROL BOOTH OPERATOR I'm on it.DAY All work has stopped. SMASH CUT TO: EXT. cut the feed! Cut to black if you have to. NIAGARA FALLS . Back to you fuckers.CONTINUOUS Bruce is now licking the camera lens. (moving closer to camera..DAY Bruce is TOSSED OUT THE FRONT DOORS. Bruce FLAILS at the building. BRUCE I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness news. OFFICE BUILDING . I don't want any -— BRUCE Do you think it's my hair? (Bruce messes his hair like crazy) Maybe my teeth aren't white enough? Or like the great falls. He steps back and signsoff.
pulls out of the parking lot passing the Homeless Man who sits beaten up holding a scrawled out sign "LIFE IS JUST" BRUCE Get a clue. A street GANG is hassling the HOMELESS SIGN GUY. breaking and painting over his signs. They stop cold. Bruce helps the Sign Guy up. GRACE Thank God you're alright.NIGHT Bruce is pacing. but they leap on him in a big dog pile. Bruce gets in.Bruce carries his box to his car. buddy. swinging and kicking. INT. looks after the Gang. BRUCE Hey. Pushing him around. look at Bruce. Reveal Bruce's car. when he HEARS A NOISE. What are you doin'? Just leave him alone. BRUCE Yeah. Bruce is left with a bloody lip. (looks up) Just what you get for trying to help someone. Instinctively. They turn. turn back to Bruce and CHARGE AT HIM. Bruce walks over. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT . you'd better keep walkin'. We hear the sound of smashing glass and scratching metal and the gang running off. Bruce slowly gets up. laugh and head off. WINDOW'S SMASHED. BRUCE . PAINT SCRAPED and the word "HERO" KEY SCRATCHED ON THE DOOR. BRUCE B-e-a-utiful. holding an ICE PACK to his swollen lip. Bruce attempts to run. lying beside his car. come on guys.
This isn't his fault. I am so honored that my horrible demise is a part of your loving and mysterious plan. Sam starts PEEING ON THE RUG. . we got drugs. Lord. Oh. I think it's time to release the tainted monkey. we got corruption. don't talk like that. he's not listening. Thanks for everything. (hushed tone) It's part of the mysterious plan. If he is he doesn't care. don't worry. GRACE Bruce. God is allpowerful He could fix everything in five minutes if he wanted to. BRUCE Of course not. Let's thank God. They've just come up with a treatment for syphilis down there. is this the lab? Yeah. blind him and cut off his legs. Perfect! (to the dog) But you're aim isn't so good. BRUCE Oh. But he doesn't want to. and there's a guy in Ohio who's praying for strength and wisdom. yeah. What kind of God lets that happen? Every time we cure a disease he comes up with a new one! (goes into God character) Yeah. I'm over here! GRACE Bruce.God. BRUCE Oh. Grace. GRACE So God is torturing us? BRUCE Think about it. it's God. Have you seen the news lately? We got gangs. please. He doesn't like me.
INT. Bruce drives. His frustration is turning to desperation. And what Evan did was slimy and wrong. I'm not okay with a mediocre job. GRACE Honey. I'm sorry for being a piece in your mediocre puzzle. Returns. I -— I don't need this. I'm not okay with a mediocre LIFE! Bruce angrily swipes at the table knocking the photos and the photo albums to floor. You matter to me. Bruce grabs his keys and heads out. you're mad right now. going nowhere in particular. GRACE Is that what you have.Grace puts Sam outside. trying to calm Bruce. I'm not okay with a mediocre apartment.. . CAR . It's understandable. And I'm not okay with the fact that you think everything is okay. God. But your job doesn't matter to me. Bruce? A mediocre life? Well. You want me to talk to you? Then talk back. I'm drowning and you throw me a brick! Grace starts to cry. BRUCE Okay. You could've really been hurt..NIGHT It's RAINING now. BRUCE Okay? News flash: I'm not okay. Tell me what's going on? What should I do? Give me a sign. BRUCE Perfect! I'll have the worst day of my life with a side order of guilt. BRUCE Terrific. please. I'm just glad you're okay.
A PEDESTRIAN stepping into the crosswalk. Four ways. fishes for the beads.CONTINUOUS Bruce stumbles out. where'd you go? (holds them up in triumph) Ah ha! AHHH! And BAM!!! BRUCE'S CAR SLAMS INTO A LIGHT POST. I guess you don't care. He begins to laugh maniacally. BRUCE Okay..LAKE EERIE .. Please help me. steps back out of the way. Do Not Enter. Wrong Way. Dead End. He hits a bump and the BEADS DROP TO THE FLOOR. Bruce spots the PRAYER BEADS hanging on the rearview mirror. doesn't notice. BRUCE I'm right here. Speak to me. (pulls the beads from the mirror) Lord.. PEDESTRIAN SLOW DOWN. surveys his demolished car. BRUCE Come on. The varied signs read: Yield. . BRUCE Oh well. EXT. we'll do it your way. then looks at the beads in his hands. ASSHOLE! Bruce is oblivious. A TRUCK TRANSPORTING VARIOUS ROAD SIGNS pulls in front of Bruce. Please send me a signal. blinking. STREET . Stop.. Bruce reaches down. I need a miracle. BRUCE All I need is some guidance.Bruce passes a BLINKING YELLOW CAUTION LIGHT.
pal! Let me see a little wrath! Smite me oh mighty smiter! I What.AN ALARM CLOCK The BEEPING continues. He looks heavenward. Bruce tosses the pager on the bed. BRUCE Okay. He calmly continues to the bathroom. begrudgingly. CUT TO: CLOSE ON . checks it. reaches for the phone. don't know you. you got me on the ropes. INT. you're little pet project? A hobby you tinker with now and again? Answer me. BRUCE Sorry. don't you want to finish me off?! You're the one who should be fired! The only one around here not doing his job is YOU! What are we. He cynically chuckles at the timing. Bruce stops in his tracks. INT. slaps at the alarm clock. sees 772-5623. HEAVES THE PRAYER BEADS INTO THE LAKE. challenging the Infinite.. The same number. We are in. finally realizes it's the beeper. It SHATTERS against a telephone pole. He gets up. it BEEPS AGAIN. The gloves are off. hello again 772-5623.BEDROOM .He spots the lake. BATHROOM . The beeper BEEPS. no pestilence no boils? Come on. opens the window. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT . ANSWER ME!!! A beat of silence then Bruce's BEEPER GOES OFF. BRUCE Well. starts running toward it like a madman. wouldn't call you if I did. Bruce walks off toward his wrecked car.. don't hold your breath. turns. heads for the bathroom.MORNING Bruce wakes. if that's the way you want it. checks it. groggy. grabs the beeper and FIRES IT OUT.
A note is stuck in the bathroom mirror, with an old picture of he and Grace in happier times. The note simply says: "I LOVE YOU. WE NEED TO TALK. GRACE" Peering over top of the note, Bruce sees Sam circling on the rug. BRUCE Oh, no. EXT. STAIR WELL - CONTINUOUS Bruce runs down the stairs carrying the trickling, Sam. EXT. APARTMENT - DAY Bruce sets Sam on the grass. Sam looks up, finished. BRUCE What's the point? BEEP, BEEP, BEEP... Bruce walks over to the shattered beeper. He picks up a small piece of it containing the LED read out: 772-5623 ON BRUCE - AMAZED CUT TO: INT. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT - MOMENTS LATER A PHONE - BRUCE DIALS THE NUMBER A PRERECORDED VOICE ANSWERS COMPUTERIZED VOICE Denied that promotion at work? Is life unfair? Everywhere you turn is there someone less talented than you reaping all the benefits? Is your name Bruce? Then do we have the job for you. We're located at 77256 23rd Street... Bruce reaches for a pen, begins jotting down the address. COMPUTERIZED VOICE So come on down, or we'll just keep beepin' ya.
EXT. WAREHOUSE - DAY An old building on the outskirts of town. A faded sign painted on the wall reads, OMNI PRESENTS. Bruce's demolished car enters frame. He studies the area and building suspiciously. Bruce cautiously moves towards the structure and then, STEPS IN A PUDDLE. He SINKS UP TO HIS KNEE. BRUCE Perfect. He gets out, shakes off his sopping leg, and heads inside. INT. OMNI PRESENTS - DAY Bruce enters and checks the BUILDING DIRECTORY. It reads: OMNI PRESENTS UNLTD. Personnel Rm. 7 Accounting Rm. 7 Security Rm. 7 Creative Rm. 7 VOICE (O.S.) You're looking for room 7. Bruce turns to see a JANITOR mopping the floor. He looks at Bruce's wet leg, offers the mop. JANITOR Want me to even those up for you? BRUCE (feigns a smile) How would I get to room 7? JANITOR That'd be on the seventh floor. Stairs are right over there. BRUCE What about the elevator? He points to an elevator bank a couple of steps away. JANITOR
Out of order. Bruce heads for the stairs. JANITOR You mind giving me a hand with this floor? BRUCE What? Yeah, I mind. He continues on. SEVENTH FLOOR The stairwell door opens up to a LARGE ROOM with a SINGLE DESK at the end of an otherwise empty space. Bruce hears someone tinkering atop a tall ladder extending into a hole in the ceiling. BRUCE Excuse me. Hello. I'm, ah, looking for whoever runs this joint... MAN (O.S.) Be right with y.a, just fixin' a light. Tell me if it's working? CLICK and an INSANELY BRIGHT WHITE LIGHT ILLUMINATES, shining down blinding Bruce. BRUCE Yep, seems to be. (wiping his eyes) Kinda bright, though. An electrician, silhouetted in the bright light, descends the ladder. MAN (O.S.) Yeah, it is for most people. They spend their lives in the dark... As he talks he steps down next to Bruce and we see that it is the SAME JANITOR. JANITOR ...thinkin' they can hide from me. The two stand, angelically illuminated. Bruce tries to put
There's freedom in it. I've been expecting you. BRUCE Oh. The Janitor CLAPS HIS HANDS TWICE and the light goes off. BRUCE Oh. People underestimate the benefits of good 'ol manual labor. CLAP OFF. THE CLAPPER. BRUCE I gotta go. CLAP OFF. He extends his hand to Bruce. JANITOR . son. He strolls down the room. JANITOR Okay. but the boss'll be right out. revealing a very nice suit. The Janitor unzips his uniform. but I'll get around to it. BRUCE You installed a clapper? JANITOR Nope. Catchy jingle. CLAP ON. (sings) CLAP ON.everything together. though. takes a seat behind the big desk. the elevator's broken. this is hilarious. Happiest people in the world stink like hell at the end of the day. JANITOR You must be Bruce. (claps twice) You can't get it out of your head. So you're the boss and the electrician and the janitor. huh? JANITOR Yeah. JANITOR Nothin' wrong with rollin' up your sleeves.
a whole drawer. have you . Bruce approaches the desk. JANITOR Now this last entry was a little disturbing. pal. DRAGGING BRUCE BACK. Pretty much everything there is to know. and let's not forget "What kind of a God would let this happen? I mean. scanning) Thanks for everything.Your father knew that. Lord.. JANITOR (reads. I am so honored that my horrible demise is a part of your loving and mysterious plan. Bruce pulls the drawer and it FLIES OPEN. BRUCE (sarcastic) Wow. Smite me oh mighty smiter. Everything you've ever said.. is right there in that file cabinet.. (aside) I'm not much for blaspheming but that one made me laugh. He thumps the file cabinet with his fist and the drawer dramatically sucks closed. He points out a single drawer file cabinet. BRUCE How do you know my father? And how did you get my pager number? JANITOR Oh. Just for me? Mind if I take a look? JANITOR It's your life. He was a damn good welder.. DRAGGING HIM THE FULL LENGTH OF THE ROOM —The Janitor casually pulls a file. The Janitor reads from the file. The gloves are off. I know a lot about you Bruce. Oh. done or thought about doin'.
He tries again. (playing to the "cameras") . ah. BRUCE Who are you? JANITOR I'm the creator of the heavens and the earth. Everyone with a brain in their head would know that the drawer is being fed through the wall from behind -— Bruce pulls the file cabinet from the wall. and again. We're on some freaky hidden camera show. BUT FINDS HIMSELF WALKING RIGHT TOWARD GOD AND HIS DESK. it's not ringing a bell.. I don't know how you're doing that. Bruce. JANITOR/GOD I'm God. you're God. This place is obviously rigged in some way. Thanks for the Grand Canyon and. dazed. That's how you got up to the seventh floor so quickly. The first and the last. BRUCE Sorry. .for which I will not sign a release. it's really nice to meet you. BRUCE Okay. good luck with the apocalypse. sees it has a normal back. BRUCE Oh.seen then news lately?" Bruce stands. I'd be a little more impressed if you didn't use the cheesy file cabinet illusion. Bruce turns to leave. but I really gotta go.. Well that explains everything! That's how you know everything about me. (placating) Well. by the way! But you know what. I'm the alpha & omega.
BRUCE AH HA! Bruce proudly presents his single hand of five extended fingers to God. That's a good one. Eight. God doesn't miss a beat. BRUCE Okay. then immediately notices he has SEVEN FINGERS ON HIS ONE HAND. GOD Two. BRUCE Okay. BRUCE AAAHHH! He shakes his fingers wildly and the two extra fingers disappear. Six. Bruce holds seven fingers. God approaches Bruce. GOD Seven. He quickly pulls in two fingers.BRUCE Okay. One final attempt. GOD . That's good. Bruce quickly puts his hands behind his back.. Bruce begins switching fingers rapidly. how about now. One. God. Nine. How many fingers am I holding out? Bruce extends three fingers. GOD Three.. He quickly pulls one finger in. GOD Four.
I brought you here to offer you a job. When you leave this building you will be endowed with all my powers. And quite frankly. OMNI PRESENTS . EXT. that did not happen. BRUCE You stay away from me! I don't know what your doing. A beat. BRUCE Job? What job? GOD My job. then Bruce sprints out of the room. . He pauses for a beat —BRUCE No.. Pal. that's not very neighborly. He turns to go but GOD STANDS BEFORE HIM in the Janitor uniform. BRUCE Sure. Bruce glances back at the empty desk.You've been doing a lot of complaining about me. He races to his car stepping in the SAME PUDDLE. You think you can do it better. I'm tired of it. holding the mop. Bruce.DAY Bruce barrels out of the building —BRUCE Okay. But whatever you're doing is probably actionable! GOD Well. turns back again and God the Janitor has also vanished.. but this time his foot doesn't sink. he WALKS RIGHT ACROSS IT. whatever you say. GOD All the power of God. Bruce backs away from God. so here's your chance.
BRUCE (denial) Well. then I'm Mario Andretti. turns the key. BRUCE Okay. immediately stops whistling. start! The car INSTANTLY starts. Bruce's car PEELS OUT. Several other red-suited Italian . BRUCE (to the car) Come on.. BRUCE'S CAR Bruce jumps in. I did not meet God and I do not have his powers.He races on. brought on by tumor or brain lesion. Bruce swerves to avoid the man and SCREECHES into a pit stop. CITY STREETS Bruce drives. Bruce releases the key pounds the steering wheel in frustration. Just a normal. whistling the tune. That's what it is. Instantly.. catches himself. peels out. BRUCE AAAHHHHHHHH!!! Suddenly there is a GUY IN A RED PIT CREW SUIT standing before Bruce waving a red flag. just relax here. BRUCE I'm having a breakdown. INT. everyday psychotic episode. (laughs) If that was God. We hear the car wind down to nothing. dodging and passing cars right and left. that was lucky. the car turns over but doesn't start. MUSIC UP: "HE'S GOT THE WHOLE WORLD IN HIS HANDS" EXT. races through traffic. Bruce backs up.
men engulf the car. The only other patron is an OLD MAN seated at the counter. did you get that box of dressing I sent you? Bruce responds against his will IN PERFECT ITALIAN —BRUCE (in perfect Italian) Si. he slips into a diner. Not knowing what to do. slaps on HUGE MAG TIRES. .. BRUCE It isn't real.) Bruce reacts shocked. The waitress pours him a cup. Bruce's car peels out on it's own. it isn't real.DAY Bruce quickly walks to a back corner booth. gases him up. Sally Kirkland-type WAITRESS. Bruce watches in amazement as the professional racing team jacks up his car. PIT CREW Vetel Vetel. stands listening to Bruce with a raised eyebrow. An older. INT. backing away from his normal looking Taurus. His car door won't open so he has to crawl out of the driver's window. finally pulling over to a curb. order pad in hand. (SUBTITLES: Yes. it isn't real.. PAUL NEWMAN leans into the driver's window. WAITRESS We've got a special on soup today. dovete venire sopra per il pranzo un certo tempo. The crew backs off and urges him on in Italian. etc. you must come over for dinner some time. BRUCE Oh hi. coffee please. he struggles to control the wheel. PAUL NEWMAN Hey Mario. He rushes onto the sidewalk. ah. DINER .
Bruce sits thinking. The Waitress sets down the soup. BRUCE Alright. looks around the table. She heads off. BRUCE What? WAITRESS (becoming emotional) And I'm sleeping with my best friend's husband. I'm just so tired of being alone. WAITRESS It's tomato. The CREAMER slides into his other hand.. that's okay. BRUCE Okay. I know he's just using me but. Bruce is half scared. then turns back. half thrilled.. holds out his hand and the SUGAR SLIDES ACROSS THE TABLE RIGHT INTO HIS HAND. heads off. Just seems like you'd understand. . The Old Man eyes Bruce suspiciously. BRUCE That's alright. BRUCE Excuse me I need a spoooo. wipes it off with his napkin. gets up and moves further down the counter. okay. I don't know why I'm telling you all this. Could it be real? He looks at the SUGAR down at the end of the table. WAITRESS I lie to my sister. I found one. Bruce chokes up a spoon into his hands..BRUCE No. He pours some cream and sugar into his cup.
Bruce is now awestruck. as A WIND SWIRLS through the diner and with all the flourish of Moses at the Red Sea. climbs up the edge of the bowl and walks through to the other side. EXT. LAKE ERIE . Like little armored tanks. (catching himself) Oh. I'm quite fond of em'.. He slowly raises his hands over the soup bowl.WAITRESS (sets the check down) Take care of that whenever you're ready.He -. they can hold their breath for forty minutes and their cells divide only once per molting cycle creating a cytoskeleton with cell adhesion that.. this is a bit over your head. MUSIC UP: THE TEN COMMANDMENTS THEME The front door blows open. GOD Let's take a walk... His look grows intense. .. Y'know.) Havin' fun? Bruce is startled and the soup splashes back to normal collapsing on the cockroach.S.DAY God leans down. BRUCE PARTS HIS RED SOUP.. He looks up at God standing beside the booth. GOD (re: the cockroach) Most people want to kill these guys. Very streamlined design.Thy. GOD (O. Bruce looks at the soup. A little cockroach scurries across the table. isn't it? Off Bruce's look.. God and Bruce then walk along the lake shore. BRUCE You -. lets the little soup covered cockroach go.
They watch the sailboat pass. speaking of amazing. BRUCE Well the two extra fingers freaked me out a little bit.. Believe me you don't want that kind of attention. BRUCE Uh huh. WIDE ANGLE . Suddenly a LARGE SAILBOAT SAIL PASSES RIGHT BY THEM. Bruce looks to the sail. GOD Oh. You can't tell anyone you're God.. BRUCE This is amazing. Can I ask why? GOD (excited) Yes you can. There are only two rules. Now.. he couldn't eat for three weeks.GOD Okay. .. Bruce is awestruck. then. Use it any way you choose. I did the same thing to Gandhi. let me explain the rules. BRUCE Rules? GOD Yeah. you left in such a rush I didn't get a chance to explain. here's the deal. GOD (laughs) I figured that would get your attention.REVEAL God and Bruce are now walking ON THE LAKE about 100 feet from the shore. oddly. And you can't mess with free will. That's the beauty it. You have all my power.
I'm covered. WIDE MASTER . Left alone. progresses to a full sprint. INT. In the background. right? ON BRUCE BRUCE . I think I'll hang to 'em. GOD Since you're finished with these. BRUCE Where are you going? GOD I'm taking a vacation. as God begins to walk away.DAY Grace and Debbie stand at the check-out stand. You can fix everything in five minutes if you want to. BRUCE God can't take a vacation. He pockets them as he talks. Might come in handy someday. Grace flips through a celeb magazine.God dips his hand in the Lake and pulls out THE PRAYER BEADS. Bruce begins to carefully tip toe back to shore. as Debbie places the last few items from the cart to the conveyor belt. Zoe is grabbing random items off the shelves and placing them on the belt. GROCERY STORE . GOD I'll be seein' ya.BUFFALO CITY-SCAPE God and Bruce are tiny figures on the river. GRACE .Right. Can he? Can you? GOD Ever hear of the Dark Ages? Besides... Debbie's daughter. throughout.
DEBBIE He just needs to blow off some steam. eighty -DEBBIE What?! Debbie looks in a bag. this girl is so talented and all they ever talk about is her hair. it's not all about money. GRACE I feel bad for him. CLERK That'll be four hundred and twenty seven. he'll be fine. It's just that he usually calls during the day. He's wanted anchor for so long. DEBBIE Well. Grace checks her cell phone screen. You know. she should marry somebody famous. take the focus off.(re: magazine) Gosh. Zoe begins pulling groups of items onto the belt. you lashed? You never lash. GRACE I hope so. pulls out a handful of various counter . The CLERK finishes ringing the last item. I'm impressed. And I lashed back -— DEBBIE Wow. DEBBIE Yeah. GRACE I know. I've been praying to win the lottery for fifteen years. I've never seen him that mad. but it's not going to happen. DEBBIE We would have heard it ring.
I love him. GUY IN LINE Come on. I want to be there for him. CITY STREETS .DUSK Bruce struts down the street the embodiment of confidence. GRACE What can I say. BRUCE And he saw that it was good. (to Clerk) Hang on. A PRETTY GIRL IN A DRESS. DEBBIE You're a saint. CUT TO: EXT. Grace. start playing. enjoying the commotion. As she passes he BLOWS A LITTLE AIR OUT OF THE CORNER OF HIS MOUTH and turns to watch her SKIRT FLY UP. GRACE Listen.items. I might need you to uncheck a few things. KIDS run off their front steps. exasperated. He closes his eyes. . DEBBIE Zoe. everybody back-off! Zoe laughs. And if I know Bruce. he's out there wandering around with the weight of the world on his shoulders. lady. wearing a cool. The people in line hem and haw. Zoe giggles and proudly holds up one of the hundred or so Tic-Tac mint containers. it BLASTS WATER. He spots a mannequin in a store window display. casual outfit. He turns shooting a finger at a fire hydrant. When he opens them. DEBBIE (snaps) Hey. comes walking toward him. I better get back.
BRUCE What a coincidence. A beat.. I'll be on my way. surrounding Bruce. sees the SAME GANG that beat him up.. So as soon as you apologize.HE'S WEARING THE COOL NEW OUTFIT and the mannequin is dressed in his clothes. BIG GUY . The Hood gets a PAINED LOOK.. I don't want to fight you guys. ALLEY Bruce approaches the gang. hanging out in the alley. He and a couple other gang members laugh and high-five. HOOD #1 Oh look. man. then the Hoods BURST OUT LAUGHING. The Big Guy looks at Hood #1. HOOD #2 Hungry for another can of whoopass? HOOD #3 Your stereo sounds great in my car. That's today. then a MONKEY comes climbing out the back of his baggy pants. The day a monkey climbs out of my butt. EXT. remember me? The gang members turn to Bruce. BRUCE B-e-a-utifull. A few circle behind. better. yeah. BRUCE Look. Bruce rounds the corner. I'll apologize. He checks his reflection.. starts gyrating around. HOOD #1 Oh. BRUCE Hey guys. it's the hero.
and me. ANOTHER BRUCE pushes him down over his back. hanging down from a fire escape. who takes pursuit. BRUCE And me.Did that come out of your butt. BRUCE PILE ON THE RABBIT! THE BRUCE'S converge on the gang —Hood #2 is instantly tackled by THREE BRUCES —ONE BRUCE kneels down behind a hood. ANOTHER BRUCE leans out of a window SMASHES a potted plant over his head —ON THE MONKEY . HOOD #2 Let's get out of here. BRUCE Okay guys. me. ENJOYING THE EXCITEMENT Our Bruce stands in the middle of the action.SCREECHING. The two Bruce's high-five —A Hood climbs a fire escape... man! Hood #2 takes off running. Kum Ba Ya! . the gang members follow. DUPLICATE BRUCE'S begin popping out from various spots. you and whose army? BRUCE Just me. and me. a dumpster pops open. me and me and me.. HOOD #2 Yeah. six Bruce's jump out. ANOTHER BRUCE steps out from behind a stack of crates. me. As Bruce talks. happily watching the mayhem.. me. man? Hood #1 faints from shock. a doorway. ONE BRUCE gives a hand up to ANOTHER BRUCE. BRUCE Now I'm going to have to teach the rest of you guys a lesson. and me.
ALLEY . Bruce takes a deep breath.The Bruce's jog over. the monkey in hot pursuit. the monkey at his side. He is an awesome god. HOOD #1 No! NOOOOO! He takes off running. Bruce poses in dramatic god-like form. CUT TO: CLOSE ON . MY WILL BE DONE. leaping and diving into Bruce's body. OPENS HIS MOUTH WIDE. opens his arms and proclaims to the world. INT. RELEASING A SWARM OF LOCUSTS -EXT. little one. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT .CONTINUOUS The gang streams out of the alley screaming. COVERED IN LOCUSTS. Bruce exits the alley. Clouds swirl behind him. lightning crashes behind him. He looks down to the monkey. BRUCE Back home for you. He looks out over the vast city lights. He reacts to the unpleasant aftertaste and walks off. BRUCE I'll take it from here.NIGHT Grace sits on the floor next to the coffee table with a box . The monkey takes off back into the alley. as we see HOOD #1 stumbling to his feet. BRUCE I AM THE LORD THY BRUCE ALMIGHTY.BRUCE We widen to an UP ANGLE of him standing on the top of Buffalo's tallest SKYSCRAPER. ON BRUCE He belches and one last locust flies out.
She takes a sip of wine.. GRACE These are amazing. at least I have someone to drink with. BRUCE What if God was one of us. she gets up. Sam walks over and laps up the wine.... BRUCE You can call me Bruce. GRACE Where have you been? You're so. GRACE (re: the flowers) Oh.home.. holding a very unique BOUQUET OF FLOWERS. singing. What are they? BRUCE It's a totally new breed. GRACE (to Sam) Well. sets down the glass.of photos working on the album.. Trying to make his way. A cross pollination between tulips and Daisies. my God. . Grace hears Bruce coming up the stairs... Grace reacts a bit surprised by Bruce's happy tone. I call them Todayzees.. beaming smile.. Just a slob like one of us. still sizing up his mood. Just a stranger on a bus.. Grace takes the flowers.. BRUCE (finishing song) . BRUCE Who wouldn't be on a night like this? (holding out the flowers) For you. gives Bruce a kiss. happy. opens the door and there stands BRUCE.
Bruce backs out of the kitchen seductively. steps onto the balcony. BALCONY . The Stereo illuminates and Barry White music plays. reaches up with his hand and ERASES THE CLOUDS. KITCHEN . Why? GRACE What do you mean.. BRUCE CD 4. Track 7. Still not completely satisfied he reaches up toward the moon and makes a LASSOING MOTION. CUT TO: OUTER SPACE . Grace goes to put them in water. casually instructs the stereo as he passes. I was only human. LIVING ROOM .CONTINUOUS Bruce breezes through. INT.GRACE Todayzees? Okay. why? Last night you weren't exactly happy with life. THEN BEGINS TO PULL. He surveys the cloudy sky. is there something you're not telling me? BRUCE Nothing of this world. BRUCE Last night. BACK TO SCENE . EXT.And with a THUNDEROUS RUMBLE the MOON starts MOVING CLOSER TO EARTH.CONTINUOUS GRACE Bruce.. INT.CONTINUOUS Bruce opens the doors.BEHIND THE MOON Earth far off in the distance -. LIKE ON A CHALKBOARD.
pleasure. Grace joins Bruce on the balcony and is taken aback by the perfectly orchestrated sky. Grace turns.) It's a funny thing about. LIGHTS CANDLES with a gesture. BLOWS THE LIGHTS OUT with a quick puff of air.CONTINUOUS Grace slips her negligee on.S. BRUCE (O. His clothes magically fall away.) Don't rush yourself. GRACE'S KNEES BUCKLE. GRACE I'll be out in a minute. I've never seen the moon that big. begins brushing her hair. BEDROOM . BRUCE Bedroom.Bruce adds a finishing touch by adding several stars with points of his finger. they kiss and a METEOR SHOWER lights the sky behind them. adjusts the ambiance of the room. GRACE Wow. picks up her lipstick. Bruce puts his arms around Grace from behind. BRUCE (O. GRACE Five minutes. heads into the bathroom. BRUCE We shouldn't waste it. Bruce enters. quickly finishes brushing. Grace SHUDDERS a bit at the word "pleasure".NIGHT Grace grabs a negligee from the drawer. BATHROOM . INT. INT. causing the lipstick to smear across .S. The kiss ends. Sometimes anticipation can heighten the pleasure. Bruce starts kissing her neck. it really cleared up.
THE MORNING NEWS MORNING REPORTER In international news. INT. oh.MORNING Bruce lies blissfully asleep. Japanese relief workers are staging a desperate effort to rescue hundreds of people stranded by a freak tidal wave that hit Kitamoto City. life is good.MORNING ON TV . as it develops. We see remote footage of Japanese families being airlifted from root tops. Big smile.. panting like an animal.her face.. Grace has a very POWERFUL ORGASM and slides off the toilet out of frame to the ground. GRACE (out of control) Oh. She sits down on the toilet seat to get a hold of herself. MORNING REPORTER Scientists say the tsunami may have been caused by what they're describing as "unusual lunar activity.. Suddenly the light hits him from the open bathroom door and he quickly strikes a casual pose. She dives on Bruce. Grace stands in the open doorway.S. Grace half watches the newscast as she finishes breakfast. attacking him. . BRUCE (O." More on this. KITCHEN . CUT TO: BRUCE Standing at the door with both arms extended toward the bathroom like an WARLOCK CASTING A SPELL.. BEDROOM ...) It can be extremely pleasurable. INT. Oh my.
then walks into bathroom.Then. Bruce sits. raises the toilet seat with his nose. He looks proudly back at Bruce. Bruce casually warns. Sam looks at Bruce for a beat. sing songy) Good morning. Grace sets down his plate. GRACE (gushy-lovey. BRUCE Oo. . BRUCE Good morning. Bruce comes out. BRUCE Sam. BRUCE Heavenly? GRACE Mmm hmm.SAM Circling. sticks his finger in his ear checking his hearing as the voices fade away. leans close. WE DON'T SEE IT) AND STARTS TO GO. getting ready to go on the carpet. GRACE Last night was just. and STANDS UP ON HIS TWO HIND LEGS. HOLDING HIS SNAUSAGE WITH HIS FRONT PAWS (NO. BRUCE Good boy.. KITCHEN Grace places breakfast on the table. He looks around puzzled. Bruce wakes with a start.Like distant voices MURMURING all at once.. my favey. Uh uh uh. INT. ANGLE . fully dressed with a spring in his step. Cooked you grilled cheese. we hear WHISPERING -.
Bruce throws up his hands. They feel huge to me. turns. no. (takes a quick final bite) Well.DAY Bruce heads for his severely beat-up junker car whistling "What If God Were One Of Us." INT. look the same to me. They are clearly bigger. BRUCE'S CAR CLOSE ON . ah. but when I woke up this morning. It felt like my boobs were bigger. GRACE It's funny. guilty. MUSIC UP: EXT. they. I've gotta run. They aren't. Bruce looks away. BRUCE'S APARTMENT . BRUCE You got me. BRUCE To get my job back. A new confident Bruce. She holds them. enjoy your breakfast.Bruce enjoys his grilled cheese. Probably just a hormonal thing.BRUCE . GRACE (holding them up) Do they look bigger to you? BRUCE Huh? Ah. GRACE Where are you going? He stops. trying to be nonchalant. GRACE They're definitely bigger.
fastens his seat belt. PHIL. BRUCE Well. CITY STREETS . This is Phil Sidleman reporting from The Police Canine Training center. stop outside Bruce's window. nice car man. MASTER . as two teenagers cruise by on skateboards. performs some standard TAKE DOWNS by "attacking" a "criminal" (trainer) on the run. BRUCE And the last shall be first. (beat) And cut it.DAY Bruce turns the corner into bumper to bumper traffic.DAY A POLICE DOG. Let's go. holding his own home video camera. POLICE TRAINING CENTER . Buffalo's number one police dog. the traffic magically opens up for him. HANK. No problem. Phil spots him. it gets me from A to B. He waves as he passes. . PHIL I certainly wouldn't want to be a fugitive on the run with Hank. a reporter from a rival station is wrapping up his story.BRUCE Watching the action from the side. guys. on the job. cars instantly swerving right and left clearing a path for Bruce. The crew start to wrap up. ANGLE .STREET Reveal Bruce's car is now a brand new MERCEDES 2003 VISION SLR. TEENAGER (sincerely impressed) Wow. EXT.He gets in. He starts and revs THE POWERFUL NEW ENGINE and peels out. EXT.
Hank found something! Phil turns back. as they load the last of their equipment into the van and shut the doors. The Policeman jogs over. I had a bad day. Pretty standard stuff anyway. Hank BARKS. Get the camera. right? You're the guy that went crazy. now! EXTREME CLOSE ON . BRUCE I don't know. making a BIG HOLE. It's served you well in the past. The CAMERAMAN yanks at the door. My instinct tells me there's something more. Hank is DIGGING FURIOUSLY. channel seven. this pond's fished out. POLICEMAN We got a body! PHIL (to his crew) Shit.PHIL Hey.THE VAN'S DOOR LOCK It LOCKS AUTOMATICALLY. PHIL Well. right? Phil and a couple of his crew laugh.S. joins the trainer. But things are lookin' up. Bruce and he exchange a glance. They watch as TWO DRESS SHOES ARE UNCOVERED IN THE DIRT. BRUCE Yeah. . go with that. PHIL (waving the video tape) Well. TRAINER (O.) Hey. PHIL What are you doin' here? BRUCE Just lookin' for a story.
CUT TO: ON A TV DAN RATHER The body of Jimmy Hoffa was uncovered in a field today outside of a canine training center in Buffalo New York. BRUCE Since the disappearance of Teamster president Jimmy Hoffa in the nineteen sixties.. gives Phil a "tough break" look. as large stacks of marijuana plants are being pulled from the van. as Phil and his crew scramble around the van. he busted a local news camera crew with four kilo's of marijuana. Local Buffalo freelance field reporter Bruce Nolan was the first on the scene. the body being exhumed from the ground behind him.CAMERAMAN It's locked and the keys are inside! Bruce casually turns his camera on. We see footage of PHIL AND HIS NEWS CREW. We cut to the pre-taped story. the body is being carefully exhumed and will be transported to a hospital facility where DNA testing will confirm the identity. As you can see behind us. . Bruce stands with Hank and his trainer before camera. as moments later. of course. only a formality as in a bizarre twist. heads for the scene. being cuffed on the ground. the body was found buried with a birth certificate and complete set of dental records. That. (rubs Hank's neck) Sort of a two-in-one for Hank today. when during a routine training session. a police dog named Hank sniffed his way right into the history books. his whereabouts have remained one of this country's great unsolved mysteries. That is until just moments ago..
DAY As Bruce pulls up in front of the building the NO PARKING SIGN flies back into the bushes and the RED CURB TRANSFORMS TO GREEN as though being sloppily painted with invisible brushes..PHIL I've never seen it before. Bruce. His sign reads: "HEAVEN IS AT HAND. BOBBY . BRUCE That's the word. GO get 'em. Susan Ortega smooths up to Bruce. VARIOUS OFFICE STAFF Nice Job.. Wasn't the same without you around here.DAY Bruce cruises through the office. Bruce. who sits in his usual spot. Nice job. fielding greetings.. LEGGO YOUR EGGO. SUSAN ORTEGA Hi. etc. NEWS STATION . man. Bruce exits the car and smooths past the Homeless Sign Guy. I swear! EXT.. NEWSROOM .. Bruce. BOBBY Hey." INT. BRUCE (surprised) Oh. Bruce is a bit inflated by the encounter.. buddy. Bobby the pastry cart guy wheels his cart up along side. (leading) I hear Jack wants to see you. Susan. She give's Bruce a "look" and continues on. Bruce. Way to go. I'm impressed. SUSAN ORTEGA Good work. Hi. pal.
Bruce is forced to stop. BRUCE Bobby. BOBBY Yeah. Bobby. I really -. thank you.. Bobby CUTS BRUCE OFF WITH HIS CART.. but I made a batch of rhubarb that you have got to try.no. it's my mother's recipe she's practically cripple. I -— BOBBY Come on... Bobby forces a ladle of rhubarb out at Bruce. BOBBY Tell you what? I wasn't going to break it open until lunch time. Can I interest you in a donut? BRUCE No. Bobby NO! I said I didn't want anything. BRUCE No. they taste like grass. (makes sound of Chopper) BRUCE No. BOBBY Fiber grain bar with bee pollen and Spiralina? BRUCE I'm really not interested.. BOBBY Coffee? BRUCE No.. BOBBY Open up.You're going to need your energy in there. I don't blame 'ya. here comes the news chopper. that's it. ... I'm not hungry.
it wasn't my decision to let you go. then his EYES ROLL UP IN THEIR SOCKETS. Is there any of that split pea soup left? She is instantly hit in the chest with a stream of green vomit. An overly PERKY FEMALE OFFICE WORKER approaches Bobby from behind. . Bobby. He turns instantly demonic. THEN GLOW RED. immediately perks up. I needed some time off to reassess my goals and get in touch with my true self. I want to tell you.DAY ON JACK He sees Bruce enter. We want you back.. FEMALE OFFICE WORKER Hi.. Jack. JACK'S OFFICE . SPIN ALL THE WAR AROUND.(turns. A beat and Bobby offers out a plastic spoon. JACK You did that in a day? BRUCE Imagine what I can do with seven. JACK (big laugh) There he is! Hoffa! Ha! What are the odds of that? BRUCE (laughing along with him) Ha! What are the odds? JACK Look. I gotta. BRUCE No harm no foul. INT. LITTLE HORN BUMPS PUSH UP FROM HIS SKULL.. as Bobby stops cold. I'll be straight. When the big guy gives the order. Bruce. heading off) Damn you. Bruce continues off. adopts an odd expression..
Thank you. What are you doing tonight? BRUCE Oh.. BRUCE Jack. Bruce exits. My wife used to make my kids call me.. JACK I haven't been the best father in the world. Susan Ortega opens. rejuvenated. NEWSROOM Bruce heads out as The Eyewitness News opening plays on several monitors. it's not in my power to give you anchor. JACK Yeah. don't worry about that. I go to strip clubs. I gotcha. (breaking down) . INT.. I'm busy doing. But at least they're open until four.. but as far as field reporting goes. and drink all night..Now. SUSAN Good evening and welcome to Eyewitness . Just give me a camera and a crew and I'll give you the news. Jack gives Bruce a big hug. things. JACK Look. Jack recovers.. if you're looking for a bump. Jack likes the new Bruce. BRUCE What's that? JACK I curse a lot. when she was alive. It feels good to get that out.Jack pauses for an awkward beat. His face grows serious. I cheat on my taxes.
News at six. I'm Susan Ortega. EVAN And I'm Evan Baxter. And here's what's making news... This stops Bruce. He watches Evan on a newsroom monitor. A devilish smile forms on Bruce's face. EVAN A potential scandal with the Buffalo P.D. surfaced today when... Evan's voice suddenly becomes HIGH PITCHED, like a girls. EVAN (falsetto) ...the mayor demanded that the Chief of Police issue... (clears his throat) ...Uh-hum, that the Chief of Police... Evan tries to clear his throat again, but his voice remains HIGH PITCHED. EVAN (falsetto) ...the Chief of Police issue a response over allegations made by... INT. JACK'S OFFICE - SAME TIME JACK What the hell is that? Evan is starting to visibly sweat. EVAN (falsetto) I'm sorry. There seems to be something. Evan shoots Susan a look to cover for him. Susan tries to cover with a joke. SUSAN Looks like my new co-anchor may need a glass of water. She laughs, Evan laughs in a RIDICULOUS HIGH PITCHED GIRLY LAUGH that makes it even worse. He sips the water and his
voice returns. EVAN Ah, there we go. Sorry about that. The Prime Minister of Sweden visited Washington today as my little tiny nipples moved to France -Evan stops cold, staring at the teleprompter. INT. TV STUDIO - CONTINUOUS The Director in the booth reacts. DIRECTOR What did he just say? Check the prompter. The Console Operator checks the text being fed to Evan. CONSOLE OPERATOR It's fine. DIRECTOR Well, signal for him to keep going. The Stage Manager motions to Evan, he reluctantly continues reading. INTERCUT TV STUDIO AND NEWSROOM MONITOR EVAN The White House reception committee greeted the Prime Rib Roast Minister and I do the cha cha like a sissy girl... (urged to keep going, so continues slowly) I lika do da cha cha... In desperation, Evan shifts from the prompter to the paper script on his desk. EVAN Sorry, we're having a few technical difficulties, here... (reading) In other n-n-n-n... n-n-n-n... Evan's NOSE STARTS BLEEDING. A sudden stream out of one nostril. Susan reacts. So does Jack. Bruce smiles.
Evan sees the blood, tries to stop it but it only streams faster. He keeps talking, but the stream increases. Susan gets up, tries to help. SUSAN Somebody get some napkins. Dallas, help me. DALLAS I'm not touching him. (realizing he's on camera) I mean, I'm not really qualified. Evan's hair IGNITES. SUSAN His hair's on fire! Dallas runs off. BRUCE (casual to an amazed news staffer) You know, he does have a certain pizazz about him. Susan reaches for a water pitcher, as a crew man steps in and BLASTS Evan's head with a fire extinguisher. Evan is in shock, his face now white. The screen cuts to a "PLEASE STAND-BY" title card, then cuts to an episode of "Dragnet." ON BRUCE - It's fun to be God. MUSIC UP/MONTAGE UP EXT. FAIR GROUNDS - DAY Bruce is bored off his ass, interviewing some BLUE HAIRED OLD LADIES at the Mark Twain chili cook off. BLUE HAIRED LADY (talks so slow you want to kill yourself) My secret is I let the jalapeno's marinade in a spicy sauce for over 24 hours before I -—
realizing what horrible news this is. (grabs the ripcord) This is Bruce Nolan. then again and the cord rips free from the suit. runs through the brush with other BYSTANDERS to find Bruce laying on top of a BIG.) He's okay. SKY . A CAMERA ON THE GROUND picks up the coverage. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT .DAY ... (gives it a tug.. it's sky diving season at Old Pete's airfield. doesn't budge) My rip cord appears to be a bit stuck. BRUCE Ah ha! You are real! INT.. points to a dazed Bigfoot... nothing.So remember. BYSTANDERS (O..DAY Bruce is free-falling in full sky diving uniform. EXT.. Bruce yanks again harder... BRUCE This is a very unfortunate turn of events. BRUCE Hold that thought. He falls into a wooded area.. BRUCE . hit the earth right behind the Mark Twain Chili Cook Off. What's that?. Hazel! (Bruce walks back toward the explosion) It seems some type of meteor or asteroid has. It's Bigfoot!... when he gets an idea and SCHWWWWWAAAAAAM!!! AN ASTEROID CRASHES to earth behind them. I'm heading toward the earth at a very precarious speed. HAIRY CREATURE. Bigfoot broke his fall!.S. Bruce stands groggy..We see Bruce's pained face.. by chance.. The cameraman pops his shoot and we see Bruce continue to stream toward the ground below.
GOAL. when the Sabers screw up and the crowd GROANS.MORNING CLOSE ON . as though controlling it's path. SABERS! THE CROWD ROARS! CUT TO: Grace sits aside him. Bruce is trying to help her fasten her bra. GRACE Do you believe how they're playing? (beat) Oh.BRA CLASP Grace's BOOBS ARE EVEN BIGGER.. BRUCE In the past." EXT.DAY Bruce is doing a report just outside the Pandas' enclosure.PANDA'S are coupled off and humping everywhere. SABERS! THE CROWD ROARS! CUT TO: GOAL. looks intently at the puck and GOAL.Bruce sits watching a hockey game on TV. Bruce shrugs "got me. REVEAL A MALE PANDA wholeheartedly humping another PANDA. Mothers are frantically covering .. SABERS! THE CROWD ROARS! INT. but it's a good three inches from touching. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT . WIDE SHOT of the enclosure -. BRUCE And the mood seems to be catching on. but that doesn't seem to be a problem today. He follows the puck intently with his eyes. BUFFALO ZOO . zoo officials have been unable to get these Panda's to mate. honey. Bruce immediately turns. would you hand me the scissors? Bruce diverts his attention. working on the photo album.BEDROOM .
QUICK CUTS OF DIFFERENT NEWSCASTERS ON TV NEWSCASTER His stories are all over town. BRUCE Oh.. BUFFALO . NEWSCASTER #2 .from unearthing Jimmy Hoffa. she shrugs.. ushering them away from the exhibit. INT. Exclusive.. INT... please welcome Mr.IN THE STANDS Debbie turns to her. revealing SAM. HOCKEY ARENA . Buffalo's own. EXT. NEWSCASTER #3 . Bruce Nolan is rapidly becoming known as.DAY A BILLBOARD being put up with a big smiling Bruce with arms extended. Sam BARKS and Grace quickly closes the door.DAY Grace opens the bathroom door.children's eyes. HOCKEY ARENA .. Exclusive".NIGHT .NIGHT A close up of Bruce on the Jumbotron. say can you seeeEEEEeeeeeEEEEeeeee. Bruce starts SINGING THE MOST AMAZING GOSPEL SINGER/JAZZ VERSION OF THE NATIONAL ANTHEM ANYONE HAS EVER HEARD... SITTING ON THE TOILET SEAT WITH A NEWSPAPER UNDER HIS FRONT PAWS.BATHROOM . GRACE I didn't even know he could sing. INT. ON GRACE .. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT ... It reads: "Mr. ANNOUNCER Ladies and Gentlemen.to an asteroid crashing to earth.. Bruce Nolan.
WOODS . FAIRGROUNDS .. EXT. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT . HOCKEY ARENA .. EXT.NIGHT Bruce dramatically finishes the national anthem.DAY A Mob of photographers flash photos like crazy...eeeEEEEeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEeeeee. He tries to break through. INT. He shoots his arms up. gets into the tub but SLIPS as is UNABLE TO SINK and ends up sliding around ON THE WATER like on a sheet of glass.. Then.DAY The words FLASH on the jumbotron and the entire crowd chants: CROWD And that's the way the cookie . Bruce is projected on the ARENA JUMBOTRON.. BRUCE .DAY Bruce finishes running a bath. the crowd goes nuts! "Mr..Bruce sings..DAY Bruce surrounded by Hazel and other chili cook off contestants shouts up from the bottom of the crater hole: BRUCE & CHILI CONTESTANTS (in unison) And that's the way the cookie crumbles! INT.of the BraaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE! He hits an impossibly high note and the rink glass SHATTERS. he concentrates and finally LOWERS INTO THE WATER. as Bruce stands casually with his arm around BIGFOOT. BRUCE . HOCKEY ARENA . INT. still on the same word. can't.BATHROOM . Exclusive" flashes on the screen. BRUCE .and that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Debbie eyes Margarita. DEBBIE (to Margarita) What does this do again? MARGARITA Ests para su grasa. Exclusive for me. DEBBIE Well. GRACE I guess. DEBBIE Well. GRACE (gushing) So. Margarita pulls the wrap tightly around Debbie. Mike's idea of a romantic evening is Chez Sizzler. BEAUTY SALON . Bruce said and I quote: "Prepare . He's on a quite a roll.crumbles! MUSIC OUT/MONTAGE OUT INT. What'd he do make a deal with the devil? GRACE And he's taking me out tonight to dinner at Chez L'Amour. a rather ruff Spanish Salon attendant.DAY Grace lies in full body wrap. la-ti-da. DEBBIE So this is what success buys you. (wiggling around) I feel like a human taquito. while Debbie is in the process of being wrapped by MARGARITA. DEBBIE Grasa? Doesn't that mean fat? GRACE Afraid so. thank Mr.
GRACE Well. you know.. GRACE Well." Margarita reaches Debbie's waist and YANKS tightly. then him some more and then you. you missed a spot of free flowing circulation. You think he's going to propose. I mean. come on.. And his career is more than together. DEBBIE .. Debbie struggles to lay down. DEBBIE Good -. him. (re: Margarita) Careful. DEBBIE That's what I'm worried about. Chez L'Amour. hun. Change our lives. he just might surprise you.you wouldn't want to leave any spare oxygen in there. DEBBIE You do. Margarita senses the attitude and pulls tighter. Debbie reacts. he's always said when he gets his career together. Margarita motions for Debbie to lay down and leaves.yourself for an amazing evening that will change our lives forever. (back to Grace) Wait a second. DEBBIE That'd do it. I mean.. him. DEBBIE I don't know. do you? GRACE I don't think anything. you don't think he's going to propose. I like Bruce but that man's priority list is him.
Margarita tries to pull them up. INT. I'll take it from there. CHEZ L'AMOUR . BRUCE Very good. no sexo! Grace and Debbie can't stop laughing. how do I -Debbie slides to the ground.. topples on top of her. Grace looks over the menu as Bruce notices people at various tables eyeing him. but falls too. but also in mummy wrap. He takes her hand. DEBBIE Hey. gets up to help. BRUCE . If you run out just bring me some water. TWO CUTE GIRLS with dates SMILE and wave. They both laugh and struggling to get up. He waves back. He glances up to a ceiling light and REDIRECTS IT with his mind. Bruce looks at Grace lovingly. Hearing the ruckus. Bruce whiffs it. tastes it.Let's see. MARGARITA No sexo. so it SPOTLIGHTS HIM in golden light. I'll take that over fat. GRACE Should we ask for a more private table? BRUCE Huh? Oh. no this is fine right here.. Grace cracks up.NIGHT A waiter pours the first trickle of wine into Bruce's glass. MARGARITA Lesbianas! Grace and Debbie crack up harder. Margarita enters and gasps.
looks at Bruce with total love. So that's what's tonight is about? BRUCE Well. Grace beams. She does her best to cover. CUTE GIRL #2 Well. Grace. yeah. BRUCE (noticing her flat reaction) What's the matter? GRACE Well. we can't believe it's you! . but we had to come over. He's finishing up the week and I go live Monday. I thought that maybe tonight. CUTE GIRL #1 I'm sorry. Wow. GRACE That's great.I was going to wait until after the meal. they're having problems with Evan. We got anchor! She's having a hard time covering her let down. Congratulations. to be honest. Grace's face falls. We just think you're amazing and. but I think it's going to just bust out of me if I don't do it now.. BRUCE Evidently. BRUCE You ready? GRACE (nervous) I think so. honey. approach Bruce. you -— The TWO CUTE GIRLS interrupt. I got anchor. BRUCE I got anchor..
(shouts to the restaurant) . CUTE GIRL #1 Can we get a picture with you? BRUCE Well. (leans to Grace) Fans. thanks. Grace is clearly upset. GRACE Bruce.. BRUCE (laughing along) Yep. BRUCE Geez. huh? Grace sits watching the two girls take turns sitting on Bruce's lap. BRUCE Wow. we need to talk. the WHISPERS start again.They both laugh. taking pictures. Bruce looks around. BRUCE Oh.. We better get used to this. It's kind of loud in here. Grace looks around the quiet romantic setting. (glances to Grace) Just one second. Sees Bruce relishing in the attention. I thought we had an understanding -— Suddenly. figures it's coming from the restaurant patrons. sure. GRACE What are you talking about? It's not loud.. it's me. Bruce enjoys the attention. The WHISPERS GROW IN VOLUME.. GRACE You have lipstick on your face. One girl gives Bruce a peck on the cheek and they leave. hun.
We start to make out fragments of words "Please." "Help me.) Really something isn't it? God sits down next to Bruce. You should try flipping on the Discovery Channel every now and then.CONTINUOUS Bruce races through the restaurant kitchen holding his ears -EXT. but no relief. ALLEYWAY . Overwhelmed and scared. BRUCE Is this heaven? God laughs at this one. . BRUCE I'm dead?! God laughs. this isn't funny.COULD YOU KEEP IT DOWN! GRACE Bruce. The whispers are now loud voices.NIGHT . CHEZ L'AMOUR KITCHEN . Well. being dead and all. covering his face. GOD (O." etc. GOD It's Everest. he slides down the alley wall.S.CONTINUOUS He BURSTS out the kitchen exit into the alley. BRUCE (talking loud over the "racket") WHAT? WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND? He gets up and darts off. I guess you can't now. then TOTAL SILENCE —Bruce lowers his hands and finds himself SITTING ATOP A HIGH MOUNTAIN PEAK. Unclasps his ears. INT.
Grace steps out. you've had my powers for over a week now and how many people have you helped? BRUCE Okay. Now how you doing otherwise? Personal life in good shape? BRUCE Yeah.GOD No. GOD They're prayers. BRUCE Those voices. son. I can help the world. GRACE Bruce? What are you doing out here? With that. between Commonwealth and 57th. Didn't want to start you out with more than you can handle.. GOD You aren't listening. Let's see. I'm just messing with you. I was going to get around to others. Bruce. so maybe I've righted a couple of the wrongs in my own life. That was just Buffalo. Bruce. A DOORWAY OPENS like a crack in space. GOD The world? That wasn't the world. I can do both. . Everything is great. She can not see God.. sees Bruce. You didn't think being God was going to be all fun and games did you? BRUCE Prayers? Those are prayers? Why can't I understand them? God forms a snowball in his hands as he talks. You keep ignoring them and they're going to build up on you like that. the terrain TRANSFORMS back into the alley where Grace has been standing all along.
.BRUCE Oh. Bruce looks to God to shut up. GOD (sarcastic) Nice recovery. (to God) She can't. Grace.. This just isn't a good time... GOD Now it's heating up.. needed a little fresh air. ah. what is going on? The second I want to talk about us you run out on me.me at all here. GRACE Not helping you what? BRUCE (to Grace) Look hun. Okay? .. huh? BRUCE I wasn't running out on you. GRACE You know. Bruce fakes a couple big breaths. GRACE Bruce. GOD (to Bruce) Everything's great. (back to Grace) . BRUCE (to God) You are not helping. I actually had the crazy idea that you were going to ask me to marry you tonight. back to Grace) I just. ah. (God shakes his head. I want to talk about this.
not now. then) And speaking of time. GOD You're going to have to answer those things. BRUCE Oh. BRUCE (to God) Stay out of this. y'know. GRACE Fine. . Grace looks at him like he's nuts. you're running out of it. Bruce stands completely frustrated. You know what? I'm going to go home and if by some miracle it suddenly becomes a 'good time'. you know where to find me. GRACE Who are you talking to?! Just then. BRUCE (to God) Thank you. Bruce reacts. Grace heads back into the restaurant. GOD She's got a point. the WHISPERS start in again. (starts out. GOD You want some friendly advice? BRUCE No. Bruce puts his hands to his ears.GRACE When is it a good time? It's never a good time. Grace takes this as him not wanting to listen to her.
Bruce WAVES HIS HAND -Instantly. first off. Something concrete. Bruce himself becomes a big post-it mummy. .. Ah! Prayer post-its! Instantly. BRUCE Too bulky. (an idea) Ah! CUT TO: Bruce sits before a High Tech computer sitting on a desktop. the files are gone and millions of POST-IT'S. BRUCE Okay.. the WHISPERS start in. the room is JAMMED FULL OF FILE CABINETS. INT. Bruce. BRUCE Sloppy. He pulls the one covering his mouth. Prayers. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT .God smiles. this creepy whisper thing has got to go. I need a system. (an idea) Prayer Files! (commands) Let all prayers be organized into files.DAY Grace is asleep in the bedroom while Bruce paces in the living room. EACH WITH A PERSON'S PRAYER REQUEST begin slapping down attaching themselves to everything in the room. (paces) Organization and management. I suggest you get to it.. BRUCE Okay. GOD You wanted the job.. He concentrates for a second and in an instant. We HEAR the famous "You've Got Mail" sound bite.
walks to Grace.looks at his watch. BRUCE I think you look amazing. . GRACE My back didn't used to arch like this. Grace bounds out of the bathroom.. full bless. DISSOLVE TO: BRUCE . You look great. There's definitely something wrong with me.MORNING He's fallen asleep by the computer.567. this is getting ridiculous! Grace's boobs are enormous! A healthy D-cup. Bruce gets up. A COMPUTER PROGRESS BAR titled "Downloading Prayers" appears on screen. GRACE I have to see a doctor. Bruce watches and waits. No mess. She turns profile.432 unread messages" BRUCE Whoa. her back sways causing her ass to stick out. bored -. Bruce jumps up from the computer. long way to go. As he wakes he sees: "1. hides what he's doing. there's a long. GRACE Okay. GRACE I look like a hooker! My whole body is changing.BRUCE Welcome to the information super highway.. BRUCE No. Suddenly.
. I feel like our relationship is becoming all about sex. Honey. Bruce. ah.. for stories. GRACE No.. GRACE Oh my gosh! How did I sleep this late? I've got to run. give me a hug. Bruce looks over Grace's shoulder and ADJUSTS THE CLOCK FORTY MINUTES FORWARD. Come on.. Nothing. GRACE Is this why you didn't come to bed? BRUCE No.. BRUCE No it's not. you're going to be late.. Grace walks over.. Bruce motions to the window. GRACE What's that? What are you doing? Bruce tries to cover. A NEW SPORTY RED CONVERTIBLE wrapped in a WHITE BOW. BRUCE Oh. Grace turns and is surprised. She breaks away and sees the computer is on. ah. BRUCE Happy two months and four days before your birthday. looks out and sees. . Surfing the internet. I'm not. Come on. GRACE No.. Are you giving me a ride? BRUCE Don't need to.GRACE Bruce.
Bruce smiles.. Just trust me. GRACE If you're trying to buy your way out of the hot water you're in. (typing) And your goalie has turrets. Sabers. MUSIC UP: MIC JAGGER "GOD GIVE ME EVERYTHING I WANT" MONTAGE . CUT TO: GRACE DRIVES OFF IN HER NEW CAR Bruce turns away from the window. BRUCE Okay. loyal Sabers fan.. Starts typing. it's not working. STOP AT: .. good. Please. it's working a little. Bruce dangles the keys in front of her eyes.. (typing) Find: Sports. Bruce puzzles over the two prayers. (reading) Please make the Sabers win the playoffs. Let's start with something easy.GRACE (gasps) You're crazy.. this is fun..BRUCE ANSWERS PRAYERS CLOSE ON COMPUTER SCREEN EMAILS SCROLL. BRUCE Yes to you. please let the Red Wings beat the Sabers. Can we afford that? BRUCE I'll work it out. And no to you. Bruce smiles. gets back to the computer. (Looks at the car) Well.
Bruce is in the stands. ESTER sitting in the loan officer's office. She registers shock and joy. amazed. BRUCE Knock.. CUT TO: CLOSE ON .COMPUTER SCREEN E-MAIL ESTER MAHA RE: BANKRUPTCY INT. EXT..a supernatural wedgy. BRUCE Ask and ye shall receive. CUT TO: CLOSE ON .DAY Close on a middle-aged woman driving a car in a parking lot. tears in her eyes.COMPUTER SCREEN E-MAIL Bella Winters. Filbert flexes his flabby arm. He flicks his finger upward and the BULLY'S gym shorts SHOOT UP HIS BUTT CRACK -. he CLIMBS IT LIKE STALLONE IN CLIFF HANGER...ROPE CLIMBING DRILL . The FAT KID nervously grabs the rope and much to his surprise. BANK OFFICE . IT IS FULL OF CASH. INT. and the door shall be open.Filbert Davidson RE: GYM CLASS. She drives right by Bruce who smiles. pleased..DAY A BULLY taunts a FAT KID WITH HORN RIMMED GLASSES.. ANGLE BRUCE . As she opens her purse for a tissue.WATCHING FROM THE BLEACHERS. RE: PARKING. . PARKING LOT .DAY Bruce looks in the bank window and sees a very stressed. Bruce makes a KNOCKING MOTION and. MIDDLE AGED WOMAN Please let me find a space. HIGH SCHOOL GYM .
TEXT AND VISUALS: "I want to be bigger" text and dissolve to a young man growing six inches. God. CONSTRUCTION WORKER Thank you. FRAGMENT MONTAGE OF OVERLAPPING IMAGERY . EXT. He smiles wide -— Close up computer text snippets dissolve over one another: .DAY Grace bends over to help with a craft. MARTIN Gracias. CLOSE ON: COMPUTER KEYBOARD Bruce's hands typing responses. RAISE THEIR TOPS AND FLASH THEM. SMALL WONDERS DAY CARE .MARTIN AND THE OTHER BOYS STARING AT HER. (Subtitles read: Thank you. revealing ample cleavage. BEASLEY CONSTRUCTION SITE . STOP.) He shovels a scoop of paste in his mouth.DAY Construction workers stand staring down in awe as woman after woman on the sidewalk below. One PRISONER chases a batted ball to the prison wall revealing a HUGE HOLE to freedom. dios.DAY Bruce watches a stickball game in progress.HANDICAPPED SPACES All the signs fall off their post. The painted wheelchair symbols on the pavement animate WHEELING THEMSELVES OFF THE SPACES. EYES WIDE. ANGLE . His fingers move faster and faster. She pulls into the now open spaces. EXT. PRISON YARD . PRISONER (looks heavenward) Thank you. INT. God. God.ANGLE .
turn..." Then another "I want to be bigger" this time dissolve to a grown man. smiles wide —EXT.DAY Bruce walks along head high. his jaw drops.. What a bunch of whiners.. come on. peeks down his pants. everything from "LOST CAT" to "MORE MONEY" "MAKE ME SMARTER" "MAKE ME THINNER."Please help my stock go up" ". "YES" "SEND" and on and on. VARIOUS PEDESTRIANS I've got to find a better job. I wish I were thinner.. He audibly hears snippets of prayers. Bruce gets an idea. BUFFALO CITY STREETS .JACK'S OFFICE .. It's green.make a killing in the market. This is going to suck up my whole life.. FULL OF HIMSELF.. "YES" "SEND"... BRUCE Oh. Donuts are now healthy.. Come on light. struggles for the right words as he's .. snapping off responses. highlights "ANSWER ALL" types in the word "YES" and hits enter. 3 MILLION and growing..DAY Bruce sits at the computer. God.THE COMPUTER SCREEN We see the list scroll by." ETC.. looks at the total prayer requests. MUSIC OUT/END MONTAGE INT. EYEWITNESS NEWS STATION . BRUCE Promotion with 15% raise..." ". BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT ... The computer takes over.. Bruce smiles and gets up.DAY ON JACK Very uncomfortable. pulls down a menu on the computer. INT. ANSWERING EACH EMAIL AUTOMATICALLY. CLOSE ON ..my stock.
I've grown kind of attached to it. JACK (scared) An. Well. I was completely healed. so I said a prayer and the next thing I know. . Bobby. We can SEE BOBBY'S BREATH NOW. her BODY BACK TO NORMAL. GRACE Look! I'm back to normal. I was worried. you're taking me to lunch? This is rare -— (catches herself) But wonderful. It was the wildest thing. It was like a miracle. JACK Look this isn't easy for me. BRUCE Oh. Grace. JACK'S POV Bobby's demon-looking head. I've got something better than lunch. walks up and hops in. things just aren't working out. GRACE So. We're starting to get some complaints and.firing somebody.. BRUCE (fakes happy) That's great.. BOBBY (deep demonic voice) Thanks. EXT. happy. you can keep the cart if you like.DAY Bruce pulls up. SMALL WONDERS DAY CARE . slowly ROTATES 360 DEGREES ON HIS NECK.
This is a bit overwhelming. Debbie won the lottery! BRUCE (O. BRUCE Okay.S. you'll never believe it.DAY Bruce leads her out of the car. UPSCALE HOME . GRACE (laughing) This place is hilarious. gold trim everywhere.) Oh. GRACE Wow.S. Can you believe the odds of that? EXT. They drive off. MANSION As amazing as it is.Bruce pulls out. GRACE (O.S. there were like 433 thousand other winners.. BRUCE I know. it's incredible. INT.) But get this.. GRACE (laughing) What is this? EXT. Painted ceilings.. its interior design is way over the top ritzy. open your eyes. look.. Come on in. so it only paid out 17 dollars.) Really? GRACE (O. Are you doing a story here? . BRUCE Keep 'em closed. UPSCALE HOME .DAY Bruce leads Grace through the gates. Grace does and sees A STAGGERING MANSION.
GRACE Wh -. but this -Bruce grabs a hold of Grace. Listen to me closely.I can't even imagine how much this had to cost. ours.. BRUCE 7 million. Bruce pulls Grace up the stairs.. but I got a deal. BRUCE It's mine. I'm going to get spotted. Guess again? Grace turns to Bruce confused. That was the asking. Then.. I'm getting anchor.BRUCE (coy) No. offers will come flooding in to go national. You're a reporter.. This has been my exact dream my whole life and it's finally going to happen. GRACE This had to cost -. Buying cars is one thing. . Come on. GRACE There's only one problem.What am I missing here? You can't afford this. and then you and I are moving to New York City to a place that will put this to shame. GRACE What? BRUCE (beaming) This is our new home. Every step just how I pictured it. Grace just stares at Bruce. BRUCE We'll have the money.
GRACE What were you thinking? Why didn't you talk to me about this? BRUCE I wanted to surprise you. GRACE Appreciative of what? The fact that you didn't include me on a major life decision or that we now live in the Sultan of Bernai's house? BRUCE (under his breath) Like pearls to swine. GRACE Mission accomplished. I thought you'd be a little more appreciative. and so would their pimps. I'm telling you. And maybe that threatens you. BRUCE Exactly. Bruce is surprised. I'm not poor and struggling. For the better. GRACE What is that supposed to mean? BRUCE Let those with ears hear. GRACE What is happening to you? You're changing. BRUCE Honestly. there are plenty of women who would love this place. .BRUCE What? GRACE I hate it. GRACE Yeah.
GRACE Not a great time. Tomorrow's Saturday. I did all this for us. What is that. Grace heads down the stairs. BRUCE Marriage. Grace sees Sam in the bathroom spraying some deodorizer before he exits. Let's enjoy the ride for a while. The office is throwing me a party here. GRACE And what in God's name is going on with that dog!? Grace pulls her cell phone out of her purse.. It's just not a great time right now. I want marriage. What happened to that us? BRUCE I want that. for getting anchor. Suddenly. okay. You can't even say the word.BRUCE I can't believe this. We're just starting to have some fun. you're just starting to have fun. GRACE No. GRACE 'That'. your mantra? This is never going to change. GRACE Us? What us? You always said when your career takes off we'd get married. heads for the door. BRUCE Come on Grace.. GRACE . the TOILET FLUSHES off camera. lighten up.
delivers a cold beer to Bruce. UPSCALE HOME .NIGHT The PARTY OF PARTIES is in order. GRACE I'm sorry. She starts out. ON SAM Walking on his hind legs. They clink glasses. GRACE Oh. fellow reporters. BRUCE Grace. JOE I am! FATHER TYPE My son pitched a no hitter! HEAVYISH WOMAN I lost 47 lbs on the Krispy Kreme diet. and various news contacts Everyone is in an ecstatic mood. but I won't be attending your little party tomorrow. struggling guy you talked about? I miss him. . BUSINESSMAN I'll drink to that! My tech stocks tripled in five days.I'm going to have Debbie pick me up. ON BRUCE . WOMAN You seem taller.BUMMED PARTY MUSIC UP: INT. And if you would like to see me after I will be at our home. The place is jam packed with co-workers. We MOVE THROUGH THE PARTY and hear snippets of various conversations. and that poor. many prayers having been recently answered.
PARTYING SPORTS GUY Hey Bruce. takes a swig. All hail our new anchor! BRUCE Bless you. BRUCE (confident) Just take it around. Nolan. I'm afraid we underordered. FRENCH WAITER Only three chips and two shrimp.. Mr.. then glances at the beer. Bruce maneuvers down the hall dancing. Bless you. (pointing to bottle) Corona.. . Lime next time? Sam walks away. BRUCE (to Sam) Hello. PARTIERS There he is. A FRENCH WAITER approaches Bruce. The man!. we're running out of hors doerves. FRENCH WAITER Ah.. his tail between his legs..ON BRUCE Well on his way to plastered. BRUCE What do you have left? The Waiter holds up a small basket. drunkenly accepting the praise coming at him from all sides.. high-fiving. Coach prays a lot. sir. And the people are hungry. who do you like in the game tonight? BRUCE Put your money on the Sabers.
There was a man who had two sons. He grabs a phone.S. BRUCE And now let me tell you a story. HANDS REACHING GLUTTONOUSLY FOR THE BOUNTY. hoping to spot Grace. start to chant. SHRIMP SPILLING OUT OF BASKETS.The Waiter gets a confused look. but the liquor is free so maybe you should THANK ME! Everyone laughs. CUT TO: CHIPS OVERFLOWING. hears their outgoing message together from happier times. Bruce turns. sees SUSAN ORTEGA. quiets the crowd. He hangs up.) Hey there. completely stunning in a sexy dress. walks out to the balcony. He looks around the room. I LOVE THAT GUY!! Everyone throws their hands up and continues to party. SUSAN Hi Bruce. dials -He gets their answering machine. What are you doing out here all alone? . The younger son took his inheritance and squandered his money on a life of lust and debauchery. CROWD Speech! Speech! Speech! Bruce takes center stage. FEMALE VOICE (O. The Waiter walks along amazed as handfuls of shrimp and chips are pulled from the small basket. Partiers crowd around Bruce. BRUCE I'd thank you all for coming. Bruce's big smile fades.
don't you think? Come on help me find him. by the way. I always had an instinct about you. kisses him passionately. Some can.BRUCE Oh. I don't know. Well. I knew you were going to make something of yourself. I like special.. we had a fight earlier. but doesn't fight it either. DEBBIE So this is your new place... BRUCE Really? SUSAN There's something special about you Bruce.THE FRONT DOOR Grace and Debbie enter. ah. Ever since I. ANGLE .. SUSAN You know. SUSAN Yeah. Bruce doesn't join in. BRUCE Look Susan. So how are you and Grace doing? BRUCE I don't know. Some women can't handle fire.. huh? GRACE Cozy. I didn't see her in there. I love the new place. DEBBIE . SUSAN You're on fire Bruce. things are different now and. They head into the room. I -— Susan grabs Bruce. Susan smooths close to Bruce. I was calling Grace..
Her face drops. GRACE (Fighting back tears) Get the car... I don't want your things. I don't want you. DEBBIE Right.. Deb. Grace stops dead in her tracks. GRACE Here.. UPSCALE HOME . don't say that. still lip-locked with Susan Ortega. DEBBIE Oh.BRUCE. I don't want your car. Grace follows Debbie out. It's his big night. Grace stops. BRUCE Grace. wait. I know how much this means to him. I.NIGHT Bruce follows Grace outside. come on. I don't want to spoil it. GRACE'S POV . EXT. boy. I was just . DEBBIE So much for lashing back. opens her purse... BRUCE Grace. BRUCE Grace. BRUCE Come on. tosses the keys to her new car in Bruce's chest. Bruce turns and sees Grace.You sure you want to do this? GRACE I don't know.
GRACE Yeah. come on. you know. Let me make it up to you. Well.calling you -— GRACE And you thought Susan's mouth was the phone? BRUCE I didn't think you were coming -— I mean. Another side to you. All this time. GRACE Go back to your little co-anchor. I. told her there was good in you. a big boat and oh. maybe two bags of cash. Debbie's been right.. Because I'm just hollow inside. Bruce follows. don't do this. Or is that ho-anchor? (tearing) I came back here to apologize. BRUCE Grace. BRUCE You can't walk out on me! I'm the . Then I'll be happy. BRUCE You're the one that didn't like the new place! Grace gets in. I just saw that other side and I don't want anything to do with it. I defended you. How stupid am I? Grace turns and heads to the car. GRACE How about a boat. Grace storms off to the car.. I screwed up. Debbie pulls up. okay. slams the door. Bruce? BRUCE If that's what you want. the ones with the big cartoon dollar signs on the front.
BRUCE (desperate last attempt) I could make you stay! Bruce is left alone in the middle of the street. alone. SUSAN I was right. UPSCALE HOME . BRUCE (certain) She'll take me back. nothing like spending time with some real friends. rush toward the exit. Any shrimp left? BRUCE Grace left me. lady! I'm the Omega! Debbie peels out. Bruce looks at Susan with disgust. being rained on by the sprinklers. She couldn't handle the fire. People scream. He finally plops back and God is sitting next to him. The sprinklers turn on. Susan is waiting for him. mentally TRIGGERS IT.alpha. BRUCE Fine! I don't need you! I have everything I need. as well. then glances to a FIRE ALARM on the wall.MOMENTS LATER Bruce walks in. GOD Enjoying your party? Yeah. GOD I know. Bruce sits down on the sofa. Did you hear that?! (yelling) I have EVERYTHING! INT. (uncertain) Will she take me back? GOD Would you take you back? .
ON GRACE notices something CARVED IN THE TREE it reads: "GRACE + BRUCE". COFFEE SHOP Grace reaches in her purse to pay for her coffee and a bunch of PICTURES FALL OUT. She . watches Grace jog past. She does a double take.. BRUCE How do you make someone love you when you can't effect free will? GOD Welcome to my world. two Americans growing up. definitely didn't put them there. CUT TO: INT. Carved in the next tree. when she notices something outside the window. "A COUPLE FOR THE AGES". They are all of Bruce and Grace. DEBBIE AND MIKE'S HOUSE . It's a cloud formation that strangely looks like BRUCE (in profile) HOLDING HANDS WITH GRACE. SMALL WONDER'S DAY CARE . GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE".MORNING Grace's alarm goes off. Off of Bruce thinking. But the lyrics are different. INT. you let me know. Carved in the next tree. then. The radio comes on and it plays a John Cougar Mellencamp song.. needing to make a truce.. son. Is she dreaming? EXT. about Grace and her man Bruce. JOHN COUGAR MELLENCAMP Here's a little ditty.Bruce mulls this over. She thinks.. Grace's eyes pop open. DEBBIE'S HOUSE Bruce hides behind a hedge. "COME ON ALREADY.DAY Grace is helping one of the kids. continues on. INT. You come up with an answer to that one.
. BRUCE Hi. Bruce getting pelted by multiple balls. I hope it goes well for you. BRUCE How about you love me and you'll take me back. ah. Bruce.. Grace turns and sees. SMALL WONDERS DAY CARE . GRACE That's great. GRACE . BRUCE I. He's hit in the head by a ball. shot myself out on the ledge. Grace can't help but smiles Bruce leaps at the opportunity. laugh and scream louder and louder. BRUCE I miss you.. surrender. He walks over to Grace.reacts as the imagery melts away into a very faint "FORGIVE HIM. The kids.I don't know what to say. awaiting vulnerably your response.LATER Grace is talking with one of the other teachers. GRACE No. surrender. playing dodgeball in the background.. BRUCE Come on. (off her silence) I just took the first step. BRUCE Okay." EXT.. have my first anchor tonight.. what about all the signs? . GRACE Hi.
GRACE What? How do you know about that? Did you talk to Debbie? BRUCE (beat) Would it help if I told you I acted like an ass? Martin is standing nearby. MARTIN Hey, you said ass. BRUCE It's okay as long as you mean a donkey. I didn't add "hole." It's only bad when you say "ass-ho -GRACE Alright, inside, Martin. (to the others) Okay everyone, inside. The kids race in. Grace starts to follow. BRUCE Grace, please. None of this seems right without you. (off her reaction) Is that a glimmer of hope I see? GRACE I have to go... She starts off... BRUCE Wait. Bruce DRAMATICALLY RAISES A HAND TOWARD GRACE, like putting a love spell on her. BRUCE Now how do you feel? She looks at him, oddly. GRACE ...Are you out of your mind? Have
you been drinking? BRUCE Drinking? Sure. I'm drunk with POWER. Bruce RAISES BOTH HANDS IN FULL HEXING FASHION... BRUCE ...LOVE ME!!! GRACE (a beat) You need help. She heads back inside. Bruce throws his hands in the air, frustrated. EXT. SMALL WONDER'S PARKING LOT - MOMENTS LATER Bruce heads for his car as he sees a two guys in PRISON SUITS (from the prison yard) drive off with it. BRUCE Hey!! That's my car!! INT. BRUCE'S CAR - CONTINUOUS The PRISONERS drive off laughing. PRISONER #1 Ha, nice wheels, huh? BRUCE sits up in the back seat. BRUCE Thou shalt not steal. The prisoners JUMP. BRUCE Car, show them the way out. Instantly, the car doors fly open and the seats tilt sideways dumping the prisoners. BRUCE What is wrong with the world? INT. EYEWITNESS NEWS STATION - TV STUDIO ON A TV MONITOR
NEWS ANCHOR #1 The Dow skyrocketed again today and with a new influx of paper millionaires, analysts are warning of a potential run on banks... We see a stock graph superimposed on the screen with a ludicrous jump straight up off the charts. CHANNEL CHANGES TO: NEWS ANCHOR #2 The scene nearly turned violent when hundreds of disgruntled Buffalo residents protested the results of lasts weeks fluke lottery results... CHANNEL CHANGES TO: NEWS ANCHOR #3 ...another 37 arrests today at the Beasley Construction Site for indecent exposure... We see women getting pulled away one by one into police vans, after they flash their tops. In the background, a "Girl's Gone Wild" van is there rolling tape of each flashing. ON JACK JACK The world's gone mad. Jack clicks off the monitor. Bruce hustles in from make-up. An air of forced confidence about him. Nothing and no one is going to ruin his big moment. JACK Oh, there you are. Your big debut. How you feeling? BRUCE You know what? I'm good. The show must go on. Bruce sits in the anchor desk, breathes in the reality. SUSAN (whispers)
if I had any idea Grace was going to be there last night. then fades away to Bruce and Susan. and Bruce. We're going to kick live to Fred at the stadium. STAGE MANAGER We lost the signal. Twenty-three to one. prepares for his dream ON THE MONITOR The Eyewitness News opening plays. JACK Okay. tries to compose himself. BRUCE Susan. SUSAN (flustered) Oh. straightens in his chair. I found the moment rather pleasurable. you won the pool again.. you good? Bruce nods.. It's another . dead on. Oh. It's getting pretty crazy out there. you didn't do anything wrong. JACK What happened? What the hell happened? The Stage Manager listens to his wire. that's nice.Bruce. In five. who would have thought.. STAGE MANAGER JACK This is it. four. BRUCE I'm Bruce Nolan and here's what's making news -— And the screen goes to STATIC. Susan shudders.. the Sabers just won the Stanley Cup.. In fact.. Exact score. SUSAN I'm Susan Ortega. Lights dim in the studio. really.
STAGE MANAGER We're back.. The power comes back up. champagne rains down. Ever since that damn asteroid hit. BRUCE Thank you. geez. .power surge.. Bruce. A beat of silence.... CUT TO: INT. Fred. SUSAN I'm sorry.. JACK Aw. SUSAN We apologize for the interruption.. Bruce is noticeably bothered. He tries to keep it together. we're going live to Rupp arena where the Buffalo Sabers have won the Stanley cup. He gives a look. Susan -— Susan gets a feed in her earpiece.. ON BRUCE'S mounting frustration.. and now back to the news. FRED (quickly) I have to use the restroom. FRED Thank's Susan. The team is celebrating. I'm here with coach Tucker who has lead the Sabers to their first championship in 22 years. Fred's face registers A PAINED LOOK. FRED Tell me coach.. SABERS LOCKEROOM Fred is with the coach.
. pies. STATIC. CRASH! A BRICK flies through a front window. Bruce stumbles through the mayhem.. city dwellers going crazy. Jack tosses his headset. DOWNTOWN . Cars are burning.. for the love of God! What is it now? The Stage Manager again listens to his wire.. In other news -— Again. The Kowolski brothers and Momma Kowolski are helpless against the onslaught as pillagers run out of the bakery carrying cakes. Off the coach's puzzled look. EXT. INT.He drops the mic and runs out. Escaped convicts are running in and out of stores looting right alongside ordinary citizens. BRUCE We'll get back to the Saber victory in just a moment. man. College students. confused. NEWS STATION JACK What the hell? Bruce covers. JACK Oh. BRUCE What's going on? COLLEGE KIDS Partying.. bread -. people are out of control. Bruce turns to see.whatever they can get their hands on.NIGHT A FULL ON RIOT in progress. Woooo!!!! Sabers !! They continue to trash the area. BRUCE . STAGE MANAGER The whole booth is down..
The Officer PULLS BRUCE down behind a car.it comes CRASHING DOWN. . Vengeance is mine! A BOLT OF LIGHTENING shoots right into the middle of the rioters. then reaches into his pocket and pulls out the key God gave him. like Moses looking down on the Israelites. RIOTER The lottery sucks! I only won 17 bucks! BACK TO SCENE Bruce looks up at a burning building with a flaming "Mr. BRUCE Where are the other officers? POLICE OFFICER What other officers? Half the force just retired.. A lone POLICE OFFICER protects himself with his shield as he's pelted with various debris." You better get home pal. He grips it tightly and. Said their "ship came in. It's dangerous out here. you have awakened my wrath. POLICE OFFICER Stay down. People flee in every direction as THUNDER CRASHES and lightning bolts continue to strike. ON BRUCE We see the anger build in his face. surveys the smoldering mayhem. He RAISES HIS ARMS. Bruce looks out over the rioters. WIND BLOWS. DARK CLOUDS SWIRL IN THE SKY.. scattering them. as a bottle is tossed through a window that has a lotto sticker on it. O' Buffalo. Bruce stands. Bruce stands alone in the street.But your team won! Cars are being rolled over. The Officer heads out. BRUCE Hear. then quickly DUCKS. Exclusive" billboard above -. LIGHTENING CRACKS.
BRUCE They're all out of control. satisfied.. No matter how filthy something gets.NIGHT Bruce stands there. Wonderful thing. not surprised to see him. God sets the mops down.. king's dissatisfied 'cause he rules everything. rich man wanna be king. God looks back at the sparkling floor. They finish up. mopping next to God. OMNI PRESENTS .. I like a little Boss in my head while I'm workin'. I don't know what to do. DISSOLVE TO: LATER Bruce's sleeves rolled up. changing the room into the DINER where Bruce first parted his soup. GOD You mind giving me a hand with this floor first? Off Bruce's look. it can always be cleaned right up. (NOTE: Whenever the . GOD There we go. GOD Since when does anyone have a clue about what they want? God holds up a REMOTE AND CLICKS. God collects Bruce's mop.. sees God as he originally found him.. GOD "Poor man wanna be rich. God looks up at Bruce. BRUCE What happened? I gave everyone what they wanted.INT.." (to Bruce) Springsteen. mopping.
rocking in a chair. Brilliant young man. Filbert. Ginnie.. (feigns cheery) But now he's headed for a career as a professional wrestler. Ginnie bends down again.room "changes" we're actually still in the room. We see the grade school where Filbert Davis. is in a fight. changing the environment into a SCHOOL YARD.. GOD Remember Ginnie? Ginnie bends down behind the counter and when she comes back up she is a hot 21 YEAR OLD. she is HER OLDER SELF again. He was going to be a great poet. Instead. she bought a condo in Florida. God clicks the remote again. clears some dishes. She was going to have to eat her pride and call her sister. GOD Ester Maha. The soul of his work would have been built out of his hardships. the boy Bruce helped up the rope. and when she comes back up. GOD (recalling Bruce's own words) And have you seen the news lately? . We see a lonely woman (who found the cash in her purse) sitting depressed. He would have touched millions. changing the environment into a CONDO. I'm trying to convince her otherwise. Ester was bankrupt. I love Ester. God clicks the remote. GOD Ginnie thought she lost her beauty when she got older. God clicks.. GOD Ah yes. Would've got the two of them together again.. but seeing a full projection of an environment on the walls and columns) The older waitress.
GOD Not as easy as it looks. NEWSCASTER #2 That swarm of locusts spotted in Buffalo has multiplied.. Click. We see footage of DECIMATED CROPS. asks him again what he asked him in the alley.. starts to walk away. is it? This God business.. GOD You want some advice? BRUCE Yes. BRUCE So what do I do? God smiles..We see footage of the ARCTIC SEA and NORTH AND SOUTH POLES. again using Bruce's words) Now what kind of a God let's that happen? God clicks the images off. More footage of FLOODWATERS and RISING TIDES. Food and produce prices are expected to skyrocket. NEWSCASTER #2 And more tidal wave activity reported and resulting in devastating floods all tied to last weeks abnormal lunar activity. God smiles. . Click.... GOD (to Bruce.... NEWSCASTER #1 Scientists believe last weeks asteroid may have knocked the earth off it's axis resulting in the rapid acceleration of the melting of the polar caps. wreaking havoc on local agricultural crops...
DAY Bruce stands in the apartment. CITY STREETS . Sam at his side. Reaches for a stack of photos.. You keep looking up. Sam is a puppy. EXT. I think you should be able to handle things now.. BRUCE What if I have a question? What if I need you? God stops. God climbs. The bed is made. Empty. ascending into the light. That's everybody's problem. INT. walks over to the latter. GOD See Bruce. they're the one's holding the power. he notices the BOX OF PHOTOS. No signs of Grace. He picks up a photo of he and Grace in an even tinier apartment. and despite it all look very happy.GOD Everybody wants a miracle. God claps the bright ceiling light on. Then. they have little money. Bruce smiles at the memory. You've learned a lot. Bruce.. leaves Bruce thinking. But what they don't understand is. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT . looks down to Bruce. He smiles and disappears into the light. that's your problem. BRUCE Wait. the incomplete albums.MORNING Bruce sits in bumper to bumper traffic. Want me to do everything for 'em.. Bruce. Where are you going? GOD This is good-bye. A man's car is broken down in the middle of the street causing the bottleneck. .
BRUCE Come on.. Suddenly. SCHOOL YARD Filbert Davis is beating up another kid. lays it on the grass. Oh.MORNING Bruce is waiting for Sam to pee.. TEACHER "Pain". CLOSE ON FILBERT .. reading a student's paper. Sam. By Filbert Davis. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT . The bigger boy looks down and grins. EXT. Bruce clicks cancel. Filbert goes to throw a punch but his punch has no sting. PAN TO Filbert Davis seated in class with a ripe BLACK EYE. BRUCE Bruce giveth and Bruce taketh away. CUT TO .Bruce sees THE SIGN GUY by the side of the road. . SCHOOL CLASSROOM The teacher stands before the class.SUDDEN FEAR IN HIS EYES INT.the stalled car is now rolling to the shoulder and we REVEAL that Bruce is doing the pushing. As she reads the poem. turns off the computer. Bruce looks out at the other drivers honking and shouting at the frustrated man. INT. INT.. Let's do this the right way. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT THE COMPUTER The auto-function is answering "YES" to the prayer emails. Bruce pulls out a SWATCH OF CARPET. alright. Bruce watches at a distance. His sign reads: ALL FOR WON.
Bobby instantly transforms to normal. NEWSROOM . BOBBY Hey thanks. Bobby. turns INSANELY DEMONIC. Bruce walks up to him. Bruce.Sam happily goes. still looking much worse for the wear. BRUCE Okay Bobby. BRUCE That's not normal you know. EVAN You're probably here to gloat over the anchor position. I'm sure I deserve it.all number 6. HARDWARE STORE . INT. . BOBBY LEAVE ME HOLY MAN OR I WILL FEED ON YOUR SOUL!!! BRUCE (casual) Un-damn you. it's time to come back. BOBBY (demonic voice) Do you have these in red? Bruce walks up behind Bobby.DAY Bobby places three blue home address number tiles on the counter -. (holds out a cookie) Biscotti? INT. They walk off together. I've been a real prick. Go ahead.DAY Evan is packing his things at his desk. Bobby HISSES at Bruce. BRUCE You know. Evan.
are you hungry? I know a place . JACK Permission granted. confused. Evan takes it. and I never really congratulated you on getting the job in the first place.. looks up at Bruce. BRUCE Oh. there is a kind of ELECTRICAL CHARGE that passes between them. BRUCE You were born to anchor. BRUCE You made the right choice.LATER ON TV Evan is manning the anchor desk and looking good doing it. Jack is relieved. When their hands meet. then turns back. Bruce turns to go. Oh. I think I'll go out there and make the people laugh. things are settling back to normal in what analysts are calling a fluke market fluctuation. JACK'S OFFICE . I'm not taking the position. Bruce enters. Jack. Congratulations. Evan is confused when he catches his reflection in the mirror.. Evan. Bruce walks off. Bruce offers his hand. "God knows we could use it.Evan stops." Jack smiles. HE'S BACK TO NORMAL! INT. To quote a friend. JACK So what about you? What will you do? BRUCE With your permission. EVAN BAXTER In the financial world.
Bruce smiles. EXT. waiting for Sam. sitting next to him with his own sign reading: "WHATEVER HE SAID" With a little arrow pointing to the Homeless Sign Guy. EXT.. Sam. WAITRESS (O.there's an instant attraction.) Coffee. EXT. gentlemen? Jack and the waitress lock eyes -. Bruce opens a door for Jack. BRUCE Jack. STREET . Without the carpet. Jack talks and talks. INT.S. CINDY (smitten) Hi.DAY ON THE HOMELESS SIGN GUY HIS SIGN READS: "GOD BEE GOOD HONEY" PULL BACK to reveal BRUCE. . BRUCE You can do it. Come on. happy to have the company. This is a friend of mine.DUSK Bruce paces. Cindy this is Jack.NIGHT Bruce walks along side Jack.that makes a mean tomato soup. EYEWITNESS NEWS STATION . JACK (smitten) Hi. leading to.. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT . Cindy. DINER Bruce and Jack take a seat at the counter.
BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT Debbie is packing items into a box.. BRUCE . DEBBIE They're full. BRUCE AND GRACE' S APARTMENT . does a happy dance and is surprised to see Debbie standing there. you know. BRUCE Debbie. DEBBIE You know what I do before I go to sleep every night? I tuck my kids in bed. Most of the time for you. Debbie looks at Bruce. but turns back. I never got to apologize for -— DEBBIE I didn't really come to chat. She sees the photo albums on the coffee table. This not only touches Bruce.Sam does. Bruce celebrates. Debbie starts to go. I came for Grace's things. but it gives him an idea. 1. DEBBIE (re: the peeing dog) Looks like your rain dance worked. INT. You know what Grace does? She prays. He hits "search". I eat a scoop of ice cream and watch Conan. INT. Hey. sizing him up. BRUCE I know. You know. You did all this? Bruce nods. She flips through. DEBBIE You really hurt her.. surprised. checks the emails and types in GRACE CONNELLY.273 entries appear.NIGHT Bruce sits anxiously at the computer with Sam.
He climbs the fire escape and looks in the window. He KISSES SAM and races out. He's struggling to find meaning. Bruce looks at her with total love. feeling her emotion. he finds the same prayer. He types in "Grace and Bruce" and eagerly awaits. find You... GRACE Please God... please help Bruce to find himself. it starts to LIGHTLY RAIN. Through her tears she is praying." Over and over.. the same entry every morning and night for months on end. Bruce is touched. I still love him.NIGHT Bruce stands in front of the house with flowers. DEBBIE HOUSE .. picks a single. Please. Better. He can't seem to find his way. "Dear God. He checks a few." "Dear God.. another special creation. EXT. please help Bruce." "Dear God. normal Daisy from the garden.The woman does pray a lot.. . There are 335 matches. thankful. BRUCE She still loves me. then sets them down. GRACE is sitting on the bed crying. help Bruce to be happy. It's Grace. Buddy. He looks at the lavish bouquet. sees a light on in the upstairs guest room. He heads for the door when he hears crying. GRACE Please God. find contentment. As Bruce watches her cry. Bruce smiles. He looks up.
He looks at Grace. weakly. Bruce just stands there. I don't want to do this anymore.. The flooring is the whitest of white puffy clouds. Please. CITY STREET . I'm done. Humble.. . MOWS BRUCE DOWN. he performs an excruciatingly selfless act. stunned.NIGHT Rain droplets splash on the river where Bruce first raged at God. Please God.adding to this magical moment as. just white as far as the eye can see. She wipes her eyes. HONK! HONK! A MAC TRUCK SLAMS THROUGH FRAME. looks up heavenward. I want to forget. He stands in the middle of the street. And it is Bruce now who feels that pain. He raises a hand. BRUCE You win. ON GRACE Her face changes.No walls. He gets it. EXT. the rain stops. I don't want to be God. THROUGH THE SKY to. FLYING POV SHOOTING HEAVENWARD like a missile... A HUGE WHITE ROOM -. THROUGH THE CLOUDS. (cries) I don't want to hurt anymore.GRACE . and with a simple wave.. birds begin to chirp. Help me to forget. then STREAKS UP heavenward. And with that. looking confused. The dark clouds slowly open as beams of light cut through. He lets Grace go. A sad smile. His spirit remains in the same spot. (sighs) Please. shining down upon Bruce. The pain is lifted.but I don't want to love him anymore. help me..
. BRUCE Hey.. BRUCE Am I. son. I'm praying here. go.. GOD Sorry.. BRUCE . he sees GOD. then up at God.. God doesn't respond. I've learned that I don't know as much I thought I did. BRUCE Alright. If this is what you want. BRUCE You knew it all along.. you can say that again. BRUCE But why? Why now? GOD I work in mysterious ways. I would ruin my life..Bruce finds himself standing there.. okay.. just listens. GOD Boy. GOD Go ahead. Okay. puzzled. as though sitting in the most royal throne. BRUCE So I'm dead. tosses them to Bruce. Bruce looks at the beads. God holds up the PRAYER BEADS. Okay.? GOD You can't expect to kneel down in the middle of a highway and live to talk about it. A beat as Bruce takes everything in. You knew if I got everything I wanted. Floating on nothing. use 'em.. He looks around and when he turns behind him.
The WHITE ROOM is a HOSPITAL ROOM -.Bruce is heavily bruised and bandaged.. NURSE He's back! INTERN BP 40 over 110 and rising.. I better get on that one. (getting emotional as he realizes what he's saying) . It wasn't easy to find a match -. And that she finds someone. and right INTO ANOTHER WHITE ROOM where. It would be for Grace to live a happy.. back THROUGH THE CLOUDS.. The PRAYER BEADS still clutched tightly in his hand. Bruce looks to the blood bag. see that his vitals have returned. DOCTOR #1 You lost a lot of blood. WIDER ANGLE -. Off Bruce's puzzled reaction he DROPS THROUGH THE CLOUDS —FALLING POV . sees "A/B Positive" written on . (beat) Well. BRUCE EYES OPEN and he GASPS FOR BREATH. joyful life..that she finds someone that will treat her with the love and respect that she so deserves..If I could have just one thing in the world.. Bruce. God smiles the most satisfied of smiles. See ya. TWO DOCTORS stop giving Bruce CPR. DOCTOR #1 (to Bruce) Bruce? Can you hear me? (Bruce nods) We almost lost you there.BACK DOWN TOWARDS EARTH. GOD Now that is a prayer..you're a very rare blood type.
. GRACE (re: her swab) I hear that all of this winds up in a warehouse somewhere. is . That's one thing Bruce could always do.. We don't have a lot of that type on hand.. and y'know. When I heard that you'd been in an accident and that you might not make it. But. GRACE I don't even know what I'm doing here. I'm a sucker for this stuff.. exist in general.. leaving the two of them alone.THINKING.. HIS MIND RACING BRUCE (groggy whisper) A/B Positive. Bruce turns toward the hospital door and sees.) You should thank God for donors. Grace laughs. BRUCE Hey.S. and smile.. Now he remembers where he heard of that blood type.the side. DOCTOR #2 (O. But you know me. The doctors give Grace the nod to enter as they go. She starts to cry. CLOSE ON BRUCE .. GRACE Does it hurt? BRUCE Only when I talk. NURSE There's your angel now.. GRACE A cotton swab taped to her arm. I'm okay.. Grace tentatively approaches.
then looks at Grace. He's now talking in his OWN VOICE. Bruce walks over to the Kowolski Brothers. She goes to him. Fred.make her laugh. Ginnie and Jack. Pull back to reveal BRUCE.. Bobby serves various food items from his cart. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BOBBY You know. so hurry down. who had a poor knowledge of grammar. I had a close call and. raises his arm. Everyone is there. . Joseph French. He remembers his prayer to God and the emotion wells within him GRACE What is it? BRUCE Nothing. Sam. from the people that know Bruce. crutch under one arm. Remember. Grace. Grace spots the prayer beads in Bruce's hand. you still have those? Bruce looks at the prayer beads. much more himself. French Toast was invented by tavern owner. reporting. Dallas. Susan. mic in hand. can you imagine what life would have been like without me? Laughs in the background. Evan. BRUCE This is Bruce Nolan at Buffalo's first annual "Be the Miracle" blood drive. It's just really nice to see you. cast on his leg. well. and did not know how to use the possessive apostrophe. the life you save may be mine.DAY A BIG BLOOD DRIVE in progress.. GRACE Oh my gosh. Bruce sits up a bit and they embrace. so he called it French Toast instead of French's Toast. the Kowolski brothers. Momma Kowolski. Debbie and Zoe. CITY PARK .
good needle..BRUCE In honor of this event. The volunteer now is swabbing Bruce's arm and Bruce is starting to sweat. The bakery that gets more air time than a high speed chase... She ties off his arm. The volunteer pulls out the needle and Bruce PASSES OUT COLD. Everyone laughs. takes a bite) Mmm. The Kowolski brothers beam. the Kowolski brothers have baked a one-of-a-kind. The brothers proudly unveil the special cookie and we see that it's a HUGE SYRINGE SHAPED CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE. starts to probe for a vein. BRUCE Sure. then: BRUCE BLLLAAAA! Bruce jolts awake making the Nurse and several people jump. Bruce takes a seat as a VOLUNTEER NURSE pulls up his sleeve. of course. Gasps. BRUCE (nervous) Okay. but we love 'em. a little creepy and a shameless plug. we're good to go. revealing the prayer beads worn around his wrist. Remember. I've never been a big fan of shots. (Bruce breaks off a little piece. BRUCE . Breaking through the skin.. the Nurse leans close. BRUCE To be honest.. that's Kowolski's bakery. total silence. They all laugh.. creation. They just stick it into my arm.
heading somewhere. For those of you who haven't heard. turns to Grace. BRUCE No. I thought it was very pleasurable.. We continue forward and in a slow. Exclusive. The camera cuts. we push through the crowd. this is nothing.. As the blood drive continues. who winks and we. Bruce lowers his mic. Bruce smiles. BRUCE This is Bruce Nolan reporting for Eyewitness News. they kiss. CUT TO BLACK: ROLL CREDITS THE END . The crowd applauds. didn't I! He reacts to the nurse POKING the needle in. mysterious. Bodies clear frame and we see the HOMELESS MAN sitting on a park bench. what'd you think? GRACE I don't know. subtle fashion his face slowly transforms into the very pleased. His sign reads: "THEE END" The Homeless Man smiles into camera. Everyone laughs more. this is the second time I've given blood this week.Had you going. He throws a look to Grace who smiles in return. BRUCE So. I'd like you to meet the soon to be Mrs... In fact. FACE OF GOD.
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