Worksheet for Peer Edit

Worksheet for Peer Edit #2 Christian Yoo 2/27/12

Yes; the paper has a title and an effective intro that includes the titles of the works discussed in this paper.

Thesis: "express the social context of inferiority that young women were destined to illustrate, in Chinese society." It is clear. It is arguable and seems plausible.

Each paragraph focuses on one of the paintings, and goes through color, symbols, and composition. The main points are as follows: The colors in Sound of Flute show the beauty of women. Puberty uses color to show the restrictive society. Even the symbols in Sound of Flute show that women should be subordinate to men. Puberty also uses colors to show society's imprisonment of women. Sound of Flute's composition shows off the beauty of women. Puberty uses simplicity in its painting to focalize its main point. These paragraphs provide evidence for the thesis. The sentences correlate to the thesis. But some are awkwardly phrased and are lengthy. Some also have unnecessary words that should be deleted. While the color and symbols paragraphs are lengthy and detailed, the composition paragraphs are noticeably shorter. Adding some details on composition would be great. Yes it has a conclusion. However, the thesis didn't really evolve from the beginning from the beginning of the paper. Remember that a thesis has to develop throughout the paper! From your evidence, how can you make your thesis more elaborate?

2. Add more to the composition parts of the paper. However. 1. . Notice the structure corrections in the paper. as stated before.This paper is effective in its description of symbols and describing how it links to Chinese society. sentence structure is lacking and should be improved.

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