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EXT. NEW YORK SKYLINE. DAY.
A wide shot in which you could be forgiven for failing to spot a tiny, brightly-clothed FIGURE on one of the rooftops. Over this, we hear the voice of our hero: DAVE LIZEWSKI. DAVE (V.O.) I always wondered why nobody did it before me. I mean, all those comic books. Movies. TV shows... You’d think that one eccentric loner would have made himself a costume. We track in towards the figure: a YOUNG MAN IN A SUPERHERO COSTUME. Perilously near the edge, striking an iconic pose. With cool resolve, he slips a pair of GOGGLES into position. DAVE (V.O.) (CONT’D) Is everyday life really so exciting, are schools and offices so thrilling, that I’m the only one who ever fantasized about this? He spreads his arms to reveal awesome MECHANICAL WINGS. DAVE (V.O.) (CONT’D) C’mon. Be honest with yourself. Calmly, he dives off the roof. DAVE (V.O.) (CONT’D) At some point in our lives, we all wanted to be a superhero. A smile on his face. A beautiful open vista of concrete and glass windows reflecting the low sun. He’s in flight. Oh wait... No he’s not. The smile fades. This isn’t flying. Just good old-fashioned falling. Fuuuuuck! YOUNG MAN
Below, pedestrians become aware of his impending approach. Pointing and screaming. Camera phones. Running to safety. He lands on a PARKED CAR. It crumples like paper. The CAR ALARM strikes up over the crowd noise. We needn’t look closer to be sure that he’s dead. But what the hell. We track in. DAVE (V.O.) (CONT’D) That’s not me, by the way. That’s some Armenian guy with a history of mental health problems. On the news, his sister said he read about me in the New York Post.
2. 2 EXT. JERSEY CITY HIGH SCHOOL. DAY. 2
A huge, antiquated building. STUDENTS mill around outside. A CAR pulls up and out climbs highschool senior DAVID LIZEWSKI. Not quite Napoleon Dynamite, but not quite Zac Efron either. DAVE (V.O.) (CONT’D) That’s me. Back before any of this stuff happened. Back when you’d have to be a lot crazier than that guy to try and be like me. He waves to his father, MR LIZEWSKI, who is driving... DAVE (CONT’D) Later, Dad. ...And sets off towards the school entrance. DAVE (V.O.) (CONT’D) Not saying there was anything wrong with me. Just that you’d have had a hard time finding a hook. (a beat) I mean, I wasn’t into sport... HE strolls past a brace of SOCCER-TEAM GIRLS kicking a ball. 3 INT. HIGH SCHOOL ENTRANCE - CONTINUOUS. Dave joins the back of a line of kids, all waiting to pass one by one through a METAL DETECTOR ARCHWAY. DAVE (V.O.) I wasn’t a mathlete... We move down the line to see three NICE KIDS ahead of him. DAVE (V.O.) (CONT’D) or a hard-core gamer... Two BOYS. Their t-shirts say “AFK”, and “The cake is a lie”. DAVE (V.O.) (CONT’D) I didn’t have a piercing, or an eating disorder, or three thousand friends on MySpace. Four skinny, pierced EMOS stand at the front of the line. DAVE (V.O.) (CONT’D) I wasn’t funny. A chubby white guy, who we’ll come to know as MARTY, dances through the archway doing the “Soulja Boy” dance. 3
) (CONT’D) Kick in my bedroom door and you’d probably find me watching TV. On the screen: a You Tube page and. Or talking to my friend Todd on Skype. DAVE (V. HIGH SCHOOL CLASSROOM.3. Mostly to my biology teacher. A slightly chubby borderline milf. 7 From our vantage point under Dave’s desk. 6 In a replay of what we just saw. we can see his PANTS around his ankles. in a minimized window.O. The sound dips and we return to Dave’s V. to be honest. HIGH SCHOOL CLASSROOM. Then she stares right at us and takes off her blouse. DAVE 5 TODD (ON THE SCREEN) Me neither. 4 INT. She takes off her jacket and hangs it up.O. the face of Dave’s best friend TODD.) (CONT’D) Though. DAVE’S BEDROOM. I just existed. comes in. Dave’s teacher MRS ZANE. DAVE (V. 6 INT. DAY.O.O. DAY. NIGHT. DAVE’S BEDROOM. She reaches back to unhook her bra just as we cut to: 7 INT. Dave sits at his PC. 4 The bell RINGS.) (CONT’D) Like most people my age. A wad of SOILED TISSUES are dropped into the WASTEPAPER BASKET by his feet.O. Dave lies on his bed watching TV. it didn’t take much to set me off. 40. DAVE (V. NIGHT. .) Or jerking off. Dave and the class scramble into their seats. TODD (ON THE SCREEN) You watching Family Guy? No. Mrs Zane takes off her jacket. 5 INT. DAVE (V.
removing all her clothes. HIGH SCHOOL CORRIDOR. Dave’s playing WORLD OF WARCRAFT. Another handful of tissues goes in the basket. then an amused smile. She catches Dave looking at her tits. Then sentence abandoned . 10 Dave walks the crowded corridor.. Fingers moving urgently on the keyboard. 10 INT. You might want to be looking at your textbook about now? DAVE Yes.4. Mrs. His female NIGHT ELF is on screen. The nearly-naked digital elf performs a sexy dance. Dave types “/dance”. before looking away. A copy of TV GUIDE is tossed to the floor. she’s flattered. He types: “. Another tissue drops into the basket. MRS. Zane. man. too. I liked girls my own age. Truth is. But don’t get me wrong. shares in Kleenex are gonna take a dive. 8 MASTURBATION MONTAGE. DAVE (V. DAY. Followed by another tissue. HIGH SCHOOL CLASSROOM.O. 9 INT.) (CONT’D) I tell you. a lot of what got me through the average school day was making deposits in the wack-off warehouse for later. ZANE Dave Lizewski.O. She flashes a playful mock-stern frown. DAY.traditional ceremonial bead-work”. A homework document headed “The Maasai tribe”. DAVE (V. Sorry. DAVE (V. 9 Where we left off.the cursor clicks to minimise the document and bring the tribeswomen to the foreground. eyes fixed on a strikingly cute girl who is fumbling in her locker: KATIE DEAUXMA. The cursor fliesto and fro. when my hormones balance out. Mrs Zane takes her seat and leans forward to put down her purse. ..) (CONT’D) Especially Katie Deauxma. and a shot of some bare-breasted tribeswomen.O.) (CONT’D) Sure. 8 Dave’s COMPUTER SCREEN.
DAY. Katie looks up and breaks into a broad smile. DAVE (V. 11 . Behind him. KATIE Hey gorgeous! Hey! DAVE Katie claps her hand over her mouth. Oh my god. Her bowl of cereal crashes to the floor.. They just don’t sell it at the A&P any more.Erika..) (CONT’D) I was just a regular guy. hearing a bark of laughter from behind him..O. I know. Dave morosely pours himself a bowl of CORN PUFFS. you meant . Ok then. DAVE It’s cool. DAVE Dave sits at the table with his DAD. See ya. and. the spilled corn puffs bouncing iconically towards us like the pearls from Martha Wayne’s broken necklace.. Oh god.. KATIE KATIE That was. No refugee status from a doomed alien world. later He hurries away. I knew you didn’t. Erika and Katie clutch each other in helpless laughter as Katie dies of embarrassment. Dave’s mom slumps forward onto the table. DAVE’S KITCHEN. You were... 11 INT. AND HIS MOM. I knew that. .mean me.. Suddenly.5..) (CONT’D) No radioactive spiders.O. She’s eating cereal. I was just kidding. DAVE (V. KATIE DAVE No. Dave wheels round to see the person Katie was actually addressing: her best friend ERIKA CHO.. DAVE (CONT’D) Know what? Todd said they do still make Count Chocula. 42.
Just Dave and his dad at the breakfast table now. DAVE’S KITCHEN. I have something for you.O.O. LIZEWSKI They never had so many mallow pieces when I was a kid.. the New York skyline just visible through a fierce storm. DAVE (V. DAVE I will avenge you. life just goes on... Behind it. 12 . you officially rock! Don’t you got a shift Thursday night? MR. 12 EXT.. Dave: dripping wet. NIGHT. He hands Dave three MOVIE TICKETS. like it or not.) (CONT’D) My mother was killed by an aneurism in the kitchen.A box of COUNT CHOCULA cereal. GRAVE-YARD. the only epiphany I had was realizing that... DAVE Spiderman 8! Thursday?! The sneak preview?! Dad.A GRAVESTONE..) In fact.. DAVE (V. as opposed to a gunman in an alley. The tombstone morphs back into. raging at the heavens through the thunder and lightning. So if you were hoping for any.. .O. Oh. in the eighteen months since my mother died. mother! DAVE (V.6. LIZEWSKI Hey. Dave studies the cereal box.) (CONT’D) . LIZEWSKI They’re for you and the guys. Close on the cereal box as it morphs into. DAVE 13 MR. Dave lights up. 13 INT. MR.... DAY. . fists aloft.You’re outta luck.
A fanboy’s dream. Oh wait. though. MARTY It’s not even hero. 14 INT. Anyone who did it for real would just get their ass kicked. putting on a mask and helping people? How is that impossible? TODD That’s not a superhero. toys and collectibles. Seriously. DAVE Yeah. you’d think at least one would give it a try. COMIC BOOK STORE. I just can’t figure out why no one does. Dave is here with Todd and Marty. DAVE What. with a coffee-shop concession. like how come no one does it in real life. yeah I do. Cos it’s fucking impossible. (MORE) 14 . MARTY C’mon. a day. DAY. chatting and drinking frappucinos. I guess I did mean that. but he had all expensive shit that doesn’t exist. TODD Yeah. I dunno. I thought you meant. DAVE I’m not saying they should do it. it’s fuckin’ psycho. Two storeys of comic books. dickwad. out of all the millions of people who love superheroes. being stronger than everybody and flying and shit. How is that super? Super is like. DAVE Hello? What about Bruce Wayne? He didn’t have any powers. That’s just hero.7. DAVE How come nobody’s ever tried to be a superhero? MARTY Gee. They’d be dead in like.
no tits. He probably kept it. I guess. DAVE (CONT’D) Jesus. check out the wheels. TODD Nah. doesn’t it bug you? Why do thousands of people wanna be Paris Hilton. like.CHRIS D’AMICO. DAVE Is it just me. He shuffles in followed by a large BODY GUARD. and nobody wants to be Spiderman? MARTY Yeah. And has. but it doesn’t stop ‘em buying guitars. or do you feel kinda sorry for Chris D’Amico? MARTY Yeah. TODD Holy shit.8. MARTY You never saw One Night in Spiderman? They all crack up. both? A teenage boy climbs out . DAVE Looks like Mr. TODD Maybe it’s the porn tape. like. But suddenly. None at all. sneaking a look over at Dave and his friends before looking hurriedly away. 17 and selfconscious. Woah. (MORE) . A huge black stretch S-class MERCEDES has pulled up outside. Must suck to have a rich dad and everything you want. D’Amico traded in the hummer. He nods over to the storefront window. MARTY (shrugging) Meh. He doesn’t have a porn tape. Chris begins to browse a rack of comics. TODD Yeah. what’s with that? She has. DAVE (CONT'D) All those mid-life crisis guys in the guitar store. Todd is distracted. they’re never gonna be rockstars.
BODY GUARD This guy is massive. DAVE I wasn’t saying we should talk to him. From Chris’ pov. Nearby. MARTY Go on then. I wish you hadn’t brought it up. like TODD It’d be awesome! Think about it: if he was our friend. we watch Dave return to his friends and reenact the encounter.Aw shit. TODD Nuh-uh. Chris sees Dave approaching and smiles. DAVE Why? I just said I felt sorry . carrying their BAGS of new comics. Fuck off. Dave should go. TODD We should. Then.9. MARTY (CONT'D) In fact. Dave makes his way over to the register. 15 Dave and Todd walk home. just. . DAVE Yeh. See if he wants to hang with us. from nowhere. no one would ever fuck with us again! Dave and Marty consider this. like. where Chris is now in line. I think I’m gonna cry. TODD Aw man. The bodyguard glances up from the comic. Dave smiles back with an awkward wave. All three burst into laughter. not again. 15 EXT. Todd. Money. talk to him. but he’s always on his own. The bigger kid holds out his hand matter-of-factly. Marty nods over towards Chris. TWO GANG KIDS block their path. the Bodyguard pretends to read a comic. fine. DODGY STREET. FIRST GANG KID Phones. Dave does not need to be asked twice. DAY. ok.
50s. 16 INT. ANOTHER GOON He said. Frank. and the kids walk away casually. FIRST GANG KID TODD I don’t have one! Somebody else jacked it last week! FIRST GANG KID Gimme the bag. 30. HUGE GOON You did. TRE Frankie. BIG JOE. SPORTY. And here’s FRANK D’AMICO. SCARY. I swear I’m not making this up. Phone. man.. a black mask and stuff. This fucking guy. . Shaken and angry. Comes outta nowhere FRANK This would be the guy who looks like Batman. like. you said the guy looked like Batman. 16 TRE FERNANDEZ. You know by the cut of Frank’s suit that he’s in charge. HUGE GOON And a cape.10. and his right-hand man. SECOND GANG KID You wanna get cut? Todd reluctantly hands over the bag of comics. Dave hands over his phone and cash. unlikely to join his local neighbourhood watch scheme any time soon. NIGHT. BABY and POSH.. his fingers in a pair of heavy-duty BOLT-CUTTERS held by a HUGE GOON.. I’m telling you. TRE I didn’t say he looked like Batman. Several other goons surround him . WAREHOUSE. TODD It’s just comics. is tied to a chair.. Todd just gives cash. Todd and Dave walk on.let’s call them GINGER.
. 17 INT. SCUZZY 2ND FLOOR APARTMENT. TRE. NIGHT.11. NIGHT. he comes in. who throws the bag of cocaine into his face. A hyper-stylized fantasy sequence.. clutching a BAG OF COKE. FRANK So this guy.. I’m just telling you what happened. Fucks us up real bad. watches out of the window as Tre limps away for his life. bolts for the open window and jumps out. FRANK . WAREHOUSE. Frank fixes Tre with an impassive look.clearly the muscle. Tre lies on the floor with a gusher of a nosebleed.’ I never said ‘Batman’.. his black costume now covered in coke. Tre watches in dismay as the even-bigger SUPERHERO steps behind Johnnie and slices his throat with a HUNTING KNIFE. TRE Right. Because? TRE Because. The masked man.. Right. he doesn’t bother to follow you. outta nowhere. FRANK And this guy. Outta nowhere. TRE I didn’t say ‘like Batman. The Superhero turns on Tre. TWO DEAD CRONIES lie nearby. BIG JOE Like Batman. The last man standing is JOHNNIE . I swear Frank. I don’t know. 18 INT. TRE He didn’t exactly jack it. This guy who killed everyone else. And my two guys. FRANK And this is who killed Johnnie. 18 17 .And jacked my coke..
man! I can’t believe you believe this shit from a fucking Russian. What? BIG JOE FRANK 20 HUGE GOON Batman’s face. TRE I never said Batman! FRANK Oh for fuck’s sake. Let me explain the problem I got here. Tre nods his approval and the tall Russian clicks the case shut and hands it over. What’s more likely? You’re a greedy little cocksucker. 20 INT. TRE It’s a fucking lie. man. TRE You’re kidding me? FRANK (re: the bolt cutters) Does it look to you like I’m kidding? BIG JOE Our guy said you gave them Russians a pretty sweet deal. A group of RUSSIAN HOODS look on. FRANK Let’s see. Tre. Our mole with the Russians tells it a bit different. Batman. NIGHT. 19 INT. or my coke is missing because it wound up all over Superman’s face. waiting to go to the movies. 19 Another stylized fantasy sequence. you’re in charge. Tre. My son’s in the car. in exchange for a large bag of coke. FRANK Okay. A TALL RUSSIAN shows Tre a BRIEFCASE full of CASH. NIGHT. Joe. . SWANKY APARTMENT.12. WAREHOUSE. Tre reacts to what he’s just heard.
escalates. (to the bodyguard) Where’s the driver? Restroom. FRANK We’re cool.shadowed by Ginger Goon . studiously ignored by everyone in the car. get Chris some popcorn.13. but I wanted to. sir. you know. FRANK We’re not having this conversation again. who we met earlier and the bodyguard. MERCEDES. NIGHT. 21 We can still hear the distant screams as Frank . Tre screams. like.climbs into the back of the waiting Merc. Joe nods. 21 EXT. CHRIS I coulda waited inside. FRANK (to the bodyguard) When we get there. buddy. 22 INT. BODYGUARD You got it. CHRIS Yeah. The huge goon snips the bolt-cutters closed. Chris. He snaps his fingers as he turns to go. NIGHT. okay? And bring it in. Ginger Goon sits in the front. What do you wanna drink. I’m sick of being treated like a kid. 10 minutes. It’s okay. The screaming continues. We’re only gonna miss the trailers. . get popcorn. Frank gets in beside his son . WAREHOUSE. Pepsi? Chris nods grudgingly. FRANK Sorry you had to wait.Chris. BODYGUARD 22 CHRIS The movie’s starting in. We can still hear screaming coming from inside the warehouse.
or cosmic rays or a power ring to make a superhero. NIGHT. Nobody mentions it. 11 years old.O.O.) The comic-books had it wrong. FRANK And I’ll have an Icee. . we hear two gunshots. 25 Meet MINDY MACREADY. 24 Dave undresses. DAVE’S BEDROOM.Just the perfect combination of optimism and naivety.) (CONT’D) . Among them. DAVE (V. Dave pulls out: a WET-SUIT and a SKI MASK.. and tiny. It didn’t take a trauma. DAVE (V. he really looks like just a little kid. 25 EXT.talking excitedly about the movie they’ve just seen. A few people line up for tickets as a huge tide of others flood out. From it. 23 The limo pulls up outside the theatre.14. throws a few martial arts moves. DAVE You are fucking awesome. DAY. INDUSTRIAL WASTELAND. Everyone but Frank flinches. Her father. 23 EXT. MOVIE THEATRE. when they mix the red one and the blue one? The driver gets in. MINDY Daddy? I’m scared. He pulls them on and looks in the MIRROR. Todd and Marty . NIGHT. But he’s softly spoken. DAMON. Wearing a woolly hat. 24 INT. is big and ripped and has a killer handle-bar moustache. Like. FRANK (CONT’D) And a pack of Twizzlers. an elated Dave. He strikes a superhero pose. From inside the warehouse. 35. a padded jacket and an intense frown. In his underpants. The camera jibs down to see a UPS PACKAGE. Mixed. Drive..
15. Okay? MINDY No. DAMON That’s my girl! ‘kay. The bullet hits her square in the chest. Nothin’ to be afraid of. We pull back to take in Damon’s full towering height. Then she unzips her jacket to study the KEVLAR VEST underneath. then home. you won’t be scared when some junkie asshole pulls a glock. aims the gun at her and fires off a round. Couple more rounds. In his hand is A GUN. MINDY Is it gonna hurt bad? DAMON Only for a second. Up you get. Again? MINDY . huh? She sits up stiffly and shrugs at him. he releases the slide. DAMON (CONT’D) Not so bad. She flies through the air. landing on her back a couple of feet away. honey. so at close range like this. MINDY Wouldn’a been scared anyways. DAMON C’mon Mindy. DAMON (CONT’D) Now you know how it feels. I hate getting punched in the chest. She pokes her finger into the little dent left by the bullet. sugar. Before she can protest. takes the safety off. Be a big girl now. for sure. pulls off her hat and ruffles her hair. baby doll. But it’s really no more painful than a punch in the chest. the force is gonna take you right off your feet. He loads the magazine. DAMON You’ll be fine. Damon guffaws. (off her pout) Handgun bullet goes more than 700 miles an hour.
Fudge sauce drips onto her padded jacket. no wincing. DAY. a sly smile playing on his lips. 26 Dave. fingering the collar of his costume under his shirt. grinning. wearing his costume.16. Bad Ass. Two rounds. Bad Night. BEN AND JERRY’S. you had any more thoughts on what you want for your birthday? . slips jeans and a long-sleeved tee over the top. 27 INT. Good job! Hey.cracks off another round. DAY. HIGHSCHOOL CLASSROOM. He writes down: Kick Ass. DAMON Hmm. MINDY Only if we can go Ben and Jerry’s on the way back. 28 INT. She looks down to wipe it off and notices five bullet holes. 28 Mindy is here with Damon. young lady. DAMON Uh-huh. scoffing a large core sundae. Okay. MINDY Daddy! Lookit! DAMON I know. In Dave’s notebook are several heroic DOODLES of himself in costume. and some names: Night Walker. MINDY I’m gonna get Phish Food and Chunky Monkey! DAMON Good call. arms outstretched. 26 INT. She gets up and faces him. no whining and you got yourself a deal. baby! He takes aim and . He writes in his book. He grabs his school bag and leaves. honey.BAM! . Then a bunch of question marks. DAVE’S BEDROOM. 27 Mrs Zane is at the whiteboard but Dave isn’t watching. DAY.
business is booming. 29 EXT. Can I get a puppy? DAMON (surprised) A. . taking her bowl of oatmeal with her. ANGIE D’AMICO. 31 A beautiful bespoke kitchen/breakfast room. Mindy spits ice-cream everywhere as she bursts into giggles. A cuddly fluffy one. Inside the elevator. D’AMICO’S APARTMENT BLOCK. okay. 30 Inside. a dog? MINDY Yeah. and enters the building. DAY. Frank and Chris eat breakfast with Chris’s mother.KITCHEN.. D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE . Clearly. MINDY (CONT’D) Just fucking with you daddy! I’d love a Benchmade model-42 butterfly knife. relieved. And a Bratz Moviestar Makeover Sasha. Damon looks like he’s about to have a seizure. sir. POSH GOON Big Joe to see you. 29 A black Lexus pulls up and a LIVERIED DOORMAN steps forward to open the door. 30 INT. Posh Goon ushers big Joe in and closes the door. Damon joins in the laughter. 47 and looking good. an incredible view of Manhattan.. Big Joe greets a SECOND DOORMAN and walks towards the bank of elevators. MINDY Mmmm. puppy? Like. FRANK Okay. and heads out of the room. nods his greeting to the doorman. Posh Goon pops his head round the door. BIG JOE climbs out. Outside. One is guarded by Scary Goon. (to Angie) Sorry hon. She rolls her eyes good-naturedly as she stands up.17.LOBBY. D’AMICO’S APARTMENT BLOCK . CONTINUOUS. 31 INT.
I’ll just sit quiet. Frank. Tre Tre. Frank points at the door.18. See what’s really going on. FRANK This is my choice? I have to believe in ghosts or superheroes? BIG JOE Not the part about the superhero. Chris? CHRIS (to Frank) I don’t mind you talking business. Joe sits down. . half price. Frank ignores him and greets Joe. I should. FRANK So now I’m getting fucked in the ass by a ghost. FRANK And here was me. Just that he mighta really been gaffled by somebody. Chris gets up and stomps out. thinking you broke up my family breakfast cuz you wanted to discuss last night’s Dancing with the Stars. FRANK I think it’s time we invited our Russian friend over for a friendly chat. FRANK Which Tre? Tre Tre? Tre Fernandez? BIG JOE Right. BIG JOE Or Tre was telling the truth. ANGIE No problem. who gives Chris an affectionate slap on the back as he passes. LOUIS We got ourselves a problem. Dead Tre. start learning and stuff. BIG JOE Our Russian says Tre just gave them another 5 K’s. CHRIS (CONT’D) I’m gonna be 18 in eight months for chrissakes. like.
my new vocation kept me plenty busy. 35 INT. BIG JOE Put his balls in a vice? Right. 35 . and you meant it literally. y’know? 32 EXT. they never mentioned it. 33 EXT. there wasn’t a whole lotta crime fighting in those first few weeks. 34 33 Dave has placed two pieces of wood that distance apart. and I thought FRANK I remember. I didn’t even have time for internet porn any more. DAVE (V. DAY.O. ALLEYWAY. The alley we looked down into before. FRANK BIG JOE Cool. ROOF TOP. He reaches the corner and looks across to the next rooftop..) I’ll be honest. 32 Dave.O. Dave checks he’s not being watched. DAY. DAVE (V. He glances down into the narrow alleyway separating the two. DAVE (V. He runs up to the first. better safe than sorry. then runs a TAPE MEASURE between the walls. Cos there was that one time you said “friendly chat”. 34 EXT.) But even so. in his costume. lands nowhere near the second. DAY..O. leaps.19. BIG JOE So. HIGHSCHOOL GYM. I just wanted to double check. ROOFTOP.) If my friends wondered what the fuck was going on with me. carefully treads the edge of the roof. DAY. Dave pumps iron.
DAY.O.. 39 INT. ROOFTOP. grinning as Mindy admires a PAINTING. DAY.20. 36 INT. Daddy! He beams and hands her a prettily wrapped PARCEL. DAVE’S BEDROOM. getting further and further away.O. He reaches the edge of the roof. and stops. a gun rack. STEAK and BOILED EGGS. not much furniture. flexing his still-tiny pecs. and he is now going for the real thing. makes several more unsuccessful attempts before he finally lands clear of his target.O. dynamically posed. Marty pokes eye holes in a piece of bread and wears it as a BANDIT MASK. Dave poses in his costume. You like? DAMON MINDY I love! You’re the bestest comic artist. he takes a run up and we see that the pieces of timber have been put aside.) All I knew was I’d never felt so good about myself.boarded-up windows. DAVE (V. 38 EXT. MINDY AND DAMON’S APARTMENT.. Now we see that it is a brilliantly rendered piece of comicbook artwork depicting them in costume. 39 The kind of place you’d expect to see in a documentary about scary-ass opt-out survivalists . Damon sits on one of several METAL TRUNKS. it woulda been hard to argue. DAVE (V. . 38 37 Dave. Close on his feet as we see his subsequent landings past the second piece of timber. DAVE (V. The guys don’t bat an eyelid. HIGHSCHOOL CAFETERIA 36 Dave sits with Todd and Marty eating a plate of FISH. Finally.) I called it preparation.) (CONT’D) But if you called it fantasizing. 37 INT. back at his long-jump. NIGHT.
smaller calibre version of what design? She nicks her hand again. Mindy’s knife flipping is getting ridiculously good now. Wipes it. MINDY (CONT’D) Daddy. the knife is just a silver streak in her little hand. DAMON Mmmm. DAMON John Woo’s first full-length feature. It’s Filipino. The AR15 was a lighter. ‘kay. Ask me another.. MINDY Eugene Stoner’s AR10. DAMON Okay. look! Damon applauds encouragingly until the blade accidentally slices the back of her hand. thank you! She studies the knife and tentatively begins to attempt a few traditional “flipping” moves. . MINDY (CONT’D) She wipes her hand on her jeans and starts flipping again. Now gimme a hard one. DAMON When did Samuel Colt get his US patent? MINDY I said a hard one! February 25th.. thank you. Shit. What’s the proper name for one of those? MINDY Easy: “Balisong”. 1836. Mindy tears it open and squeals: It’s the exact BUTTERFLY KNIFE she asked for. She stops and studies the cut. Continues. unperturbed. MINDY Thank you. She succeeds surprisingly well. Happy birthday. At times. baby. DAMON And here’s your proper present.21. pop quiz. She flings her arms around Damon’s neck.
DAY. Nearby. Dave chains his bike to a fire-escape. head down. waves goodbye and rides off.) Like every serial killer already knew. They start to walk towards him. Walking towards them in his full. The guys who mugged Dave and Todd. MINDY Tie Han Rou Qing. DODGY STREET.. 42 EXT. One has a SCREWDRIVER. DAY. daddy. He looks up. The Young Dragons. the. Dave mounts up. The first gang kid has his screwdriver wedged under the window rubber and is prying it off. at the next alleyway. 41 EXT. Look. fuck?! FIRST GANG KID The fuck are you looking at? Dave hesitates. keeps pedalling. It was time to engage. His friend loiters nearby. eventually fantasizing just doesn’t do it for you anymore. costumed splendor.. 42 41 40 . DAY. smoking a JOINT and keeping lookout. BACK ALLEY. DAVE (V. He rides on.. he stops dead.O. at the sight of: Dave. This is where they part company. At a junction. This is it. down the same shitty street we saw earlier. They pause. DODGY STREET. But his speed gradually slows until. SECOND GANG KID What. stares at Dave.. FIRST GANG KID (CONT’D) I said what are you looking at? DAVE Two cheapshit losers screwing with a car that somebody probably worked their ass off to pay for. utterly bewildered. two boys skulk by a car. all carrying BAGS from the comic store. revealing his costume underneath. Dave wheels his bike beside Todd and Marty... He tears open his shirt. look! You’re not looking! 40 EXT.22. Dave looks away.
Don’t try to move. failing to see A SECOND CAR speed towards him. behind his back. DAY. he has a piece of LEAD PIPE. FIRST GANG KID Say what? SECOND GANG KID Leave it man. the screwdriver flying from his hand. . DAVE I’m not high. MEDIC Back and responsive! (to Dave) Easy. Dave turns in disbelief to watch the car disappear into the distance. 43 EXT. The medic shouts up to the driver. Then the second kid sets on Dave. But now the first guy is up again. Then drops. he speeds away. FIRST GANG KID Fuck this shit! You crazy.23. The driver is in serious shit. Dave reels. Motherfucker be high. No witnesses. A beat. Dave gets up and staggers to the road. AMBULANCE.. but the ALARMED FEMALE DRIVER accelerates past him. ROAD.. He looks around. 43 Dave stumbles into the road as A CAR approaches. A SIREN is wailing. man! He pulls A KNIFE and. 44 INT. the first kid steps up and punches Dave. CONTINUOUS. A MEDIC is cutting off his costume. Without warning. The pipe gives Dave an initial advantage. he’s been stabbed in the gut. The kid goes down. his costume covered in blood. before Dave even realizes it. Take it easy. The car slows and a terrified BUSINESSMAN stares out to see: Dave is out cold. Walk away from the car. The gang kids run. Panicking. his legs and pelvis grotesquely twisted. sending him flying like a rag-doll. He tries to flag it. But now we see that. and we can just forget about it. I just think it sucks that you figure you can do whatever you want. He looks down in disbelief. pal. It ploughs into him. 44 We fade up to Dave’s POV. He cracks it over the kid’s head.
Then his eyes roll back.. (MORE) . Just that the pain was a thousand times worse than anything I’d ever experienced. sits on a chair.24.. No. A nurse leans down with a needle. Big Joe talks on his cell. Okay. an oxygen mask over his face. hands tied behind his back. We fade up to Dave’s POV: a blur of bright lights and concerned faces. Dave smiles with relief. bandaged and wired up. WAREHOUSE. MEDIC (CONT’D) (shouting to the driver) Losing him again! 45 INT... as the hospital gurney speeds him along. Dave is in a neck brace.. The medic deposits the shredded costume in the MEDICAL WASTE RECEPTACLE. MEDIC He’s gonna be happy you’re alive. Dave lies in a hospital bed. DANIL. NIGHT. 46 INT.. Yeah. Beside him sits his drained father. DAVE My dad is gonna kill me. Nearby. Please? Don’t tell anybody about the costume? MEDIC You got it. 30.) I don’t remember a whole lot from the first days at the hospital. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR. cool. but the thing they use for that is even better. DAVE I need a favour.. 46 45 A rather battered Russian. asleep..O. DAY. BIG JOE They don’t have the vice here no more. Exactly. DAVE (CONT’D) And the morphine was a thousand times better. staring into space. They only treat the lumber here now. DAVE (V.
25. BIG JOE (CONT'D) (to Huge Goon) Go ahead. The Huge Goon pulls Danil up and, followed by Joe, begins to walk him across the warehouse, past piles of WOOD. DANIL Look, the guy tells me he is Tre Fernandez, what do I know? Now you say Fernandez is dead, so, okay, this guy, he lie about who he is. They arrive at a large INDUSTRIAL MICROWAVE OVEN, its door open. The Huge goon punches Danil in the face and pushes him inside. He bolts the door and studies the OPERATION PANEL. HUGE GOON Does it have settings? Like on a regular microwave? BIG JOE The fuck do I know? We’re not making a fucking Hungry Man dinner, just turn it on! Exasperated, Joe leans past the goon and hits the LARGEST BUTTON. A very loud WHIRR starts up. BIG JOE (CONT’D) (shouting to Danil) Who did you buy our coke from? And this time, don’t tell us somebody who’s dead. Danil peers out, desperate, his hand cupped to his ear. HUGE GOON Can he hear you? I don’t think he can hear you. BIG JOE I SAID: WHO REALLY SOLD YOU OUR COKE? Now Danil is in pain. We can faintly hear him shrieking. Big Joe begins to mime his question, one word at a time: an open handed shrug... a “handing over” gesture... a point... BIG JOE (CONT’D) WHO... SOLD... YOU... But before he can finish, there’s a popping sound, and SPLAT - the viewing window is decorated with Danil’s insides. Shit. BIG JOE (CONT’D)
26. 47 INT. HOSPITAL. DAY. Dave lies in bed, awakening slowly from his sleep. In the chair where we last saw Dave’s father, is his mother. DAVE Mom? What are you doing here? MOTHER David honey, you need to get better now. Your poor dad... First me then you? You really can’t go dying. Dave squeezes his eyes shut. DAVE This isn’t real. It’s not? MOTHER 47
DAVE Nah. I don’t believe in ghosts. He opens his eyes. She’s gone, and in her place is a CHINESE FAMILY in traditional rural dress - a MAN, a PREGNANT WOMAN and FIVE SMALL CHILDREN. The woman turns to her husband and whispers in Mandarin, subtitled. CHINESE WOMAN He believes in reincarnation. CHINESE MAN (to Dave, subtitled) You do know that statistically, there’s a one in three chance of coming back as a Chinese peasant? The woman rubs her belly and smiles ominously at Dave. DAVE (in Mandarin, subtitled) Is that even true? If you’re just going on numbers, aren’t I more likely to come back as an insect or something? The Chinese family have gone. In their place, a GIANT SPIDER now sits in the chair. GIANT SPIDER You have a point, there. DAVE Shit... I really don’t wanna come back as a spider.
27. GIANT SPIDER
DAVE I don’t know. It’s just not really how I saw things going. Eating flies... fucking other spiders... The spider climbs onto the bed and straddles him. GIANT SPIDER Hey, don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it, baby. A doctor hurries into the room with Dave’s father. They rush over to the bed, apparently unaware of the spider’s presence. MR. LIZEWSKI (to the doctor) See? I think he’s... (to Dave) Dave? Can you hear me? The spider has gone, and Dave stares groggily at them. Dad? DAVE
Mr. Lizewski’s face floods with joy and relief. He kisses Dave on the forehead, and Dave smiles weakly. DOCTOR Welcome back, young man. 48 INT. X-RAY ROOM. DAY. 48
Dave lies on the bed, the X-RAY UNIT poised over his pelvis. There’s a whine and a flash as it takes a shot. DAVE (V.O.) Turned out, I’d had, like, nine operations or something insane. The RADIOLOGIST enters and moves the unit for another shot. DAVE (V.O.) (CONT’D) I hurt all over. I felt weak... RADIOLOGIST Good job. You can get changed now. She helps Dave over to a small changing cubicle. DAVE (V.O.) And coming off the morphine was a pisser...
52 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM. Go on. DAY. DAVE (V. DAVE (V. DAVE Uh-huh. MR. 49 Dave takes off the patients gown. LIZEWSKI They still have that metal detector at your school? DAVE I know! It’s gonna have a meltdown! MR.. and begins to dress. 50 EXT. buddy? 51 INT.O.) But all things considered.. I need to ask you something.. Sorry.I was getting back to my old self. Now another . DAY. looking concerned. 52 An X-RAY PHOTOGRAPH of a skull with a big metal plate in it. 51 Dave deposits a handful of tissue into the MEDICAL WASTE BIN. CHANGING CUBICLE. One detailing how to perform a BREAST SELF-EXAMINATION catches his eye. RADIOLOGIST Dave? Are you okay in there. Now a metal-studded leg.) (CONT’D) . DAY. DAVE How cool is this? I look like Wolverine. 49 INT. CHANGING CUBICLE. DAVE . gazing absent mindedly around the cubicle at the various MEDICAL INFORMATION POSTERS. CONTINUOUS. Dave studies these as..an arm with elaborate pins...O. CHANGING CUBICLE.28. in the background. his dad packs away Dave’s hospital things into bag. 50 The radiologist stands outside the door. LIZEWSKI (suddenly serious) Dave.
DETECTIVE MARCUS WILLIAMS. Nobody.. Great. MARCUS (CONT’D) You shouldn’t be out on your own in the dark... Dave pats him awkwardly on the back.. ignoring him. 37.. they had to throw my clothes away! Cos of the blood. Because the medic said you were naked. they didn’t.. 53 Mindy walks alone. A passing COP CAR slows to a crawl beside her and a handsome African American cop.? DAVE What? No! Jesus! I wasn’t even.. Mindy shakes her head in amusement and keeps walking. MINDY AND DAMON’S APARTMENT.. Lizewski throws his arms round his son and starts sobbing with relief. LIZEWSKI The police report. LIZEWSKI Right.? DAVE Of course not!! Oh my god. MR. MARCUS Hey! You need a ride home? Mindy carries on walking.. 54 EXT.a burger and fries . DAVE MR. then abruptly stops talking as he passes. NIGHT. Katie looks at him as she talks to Erika. 55 INT.29.. MR. You said you didn’t remember why. It’s not safe. . winds down the window.trying to ignore all the people staring or whispering. 53 EXT. In the ambulance. LIZEWSKI But. NIGHT. The muggers. you know.. HIGH SCHOOL CAFETERIA. Mindy lets herself in. 55 54 Dave carries his tray .. Mr.. unaware that she is still being watched from a distance by Detective Marcus.. DAY. A NASTY STREET. carrying a GROCERY BAG. They found you naked.
like. He produces: a UTILITY BELT. And I have something for you. 56 A veritable arsenal of WEAPONS are spread out all over the room. give it a fuckin’ rest. 56 INT. harder. Dave takes his seat next to Todd and Marty. Mindy walks in carrying two open cans of PROTEIN SHAKE. bristling with LETHAL ITEMS. TODD You’re like fucking Jason Bourne or something! That owns! Marty does it again. Marty punches him hard in the back. Another picture for our plan? DAMON Yep. Behind him a row of PORTRAITS are pinned to the wall. Marty. MINDY Sweet! You got me a little one! . All villainous-looking men. Damon is at a makeshift drawing board. Perturbed. drawn in comic book style. half a day and already you’re making me kinda miss the hospital. MINDY Protein shake for ya. inking a picture we can’t see. MARTY How about that time? DAVE No. I’ve only been back. MARTY Did you feel that? DAVE (bored of this) No. DAY. ERIKI CHO Said he’s what? KATIE (not now!) Nothing. (re: the picture) Oooh.30. man. MINDY AND DAMON’S APARTMENT. She hands one to Damon and takes a swig of her own.
hand grenade. we gaze down into the now-familiar alley. But only then. He sprints towards the gap. it’s not gonna be a fuckin’ George Foreman grill. DAMON Made it just for you. of course. DAVE (V. Try it on? She does. 59 EXT. It’s a perfect fit..and looks up. 58 57 Dave holds his phone above his head . MINDY Stun grenade. 59 A costumed Dave approaches with a can of PAINT and a ROLLER. If all else fails.) I should have quit. He begins to paint a grafitti-covered wall. DAMON It’s for. On his computer we see the PERSONAL PAGE he’s made for Kickass. 58 INT. NIGHT. We see Dave: in a NEW COSTUME. . DAVE (V.) But you can’t just re-programme yourself: what you want. near her behind. ROOFTOP. DAY. What’s this for? She scrutinises something on the back of the belt.31. Mindy inspects it eagerly. who you are.. then across the chasm to the next roof. A few clicks and the photo he just took is in place. DAVE (V... your purpose in life.the favoured flattering MySpace angle . We can’t see what it is. mace. babydoll. And.O.) Drop a laptop and it’ll break.O.. NIGHT. But when it’s fixed. He snaps a shot of himself. DAVE’S BEDROOM..O. 57 EXT. From Dave’s POV... shuriken. BASKETBALL COURT.
61 INT. walking away. ARCADE.) Okay. loads SHOPPING BAGS into an SUV for a grateful . studying it. 61 60 Dave stands beside a DDR DANCING STAGE unit.) It is what it is. One leans forward to put in another handful of coins. DAVE (V. ROOFTOP. Dave reaches the edge. DAY. The crowd of kids CHEER. DAVE (V. The teens stare at the costumed freak in shock.) Me? My hardware was fixed now. Dave indicates the line of little kids and gives the universal thumb-jerking gesture for get-the-fuck-outta-here. NIGHT. the two guys comply.YOUNG MOM with a BABY. A huge queue of LITTLE KIDS wait their turn while two HULKING TEENAGERS end theirs. 63 DAVE (CONT’D) 62 EXT. and stops.) I was back and running Kickass version 2. Their feet just a blur.O. DAY. in costume.0. Amazingly. BITEY ??? There’s a PHONE NUMBER and a PHOTO OF A CAT. Dave leans in and stays the boy’s arm. Dave. confused. and the first two in line climb on. you get the feeling they play a lot. 63 .if slightly bemused . Dave’s sprint towards the edge of the roof continues. Pull back to find Dave. DAVE (V.O. NEIGHBOURHOOD STREET. stopping him from inserting the coins. DAY. 62 EXT. 60 EXT. Crap.32. in costume.O. Close on a poster that reads: HAVE YOU SEEN MR.. DAVE (V.O. But it was a start.. GROCERY STORE PARKING LOT. maybe I was still in the betatesting phase.
NIGHT. The briefest pause. Dave looks on. he receives a kick in the face. Asshole! OSCAR Before Dave can speak. we may see the terrified Oscar Juarez turn onto this street and dash in our direction . 26. searching for the cat. Dave . but he shrugs Dave off. DODGY NEIGHBOURHOOD.33. Then he turns and punches Oscar in the mouth. who just kicked Dave. ANOTHER STREET. Mr Bitey! DAVE 64 Two GANG GIRLS walking past burst out laughing. shooting away. RUN-DOWN STREET . aghast. Right onto Oscar. Neither can quite believe it. BIGGEST GUY Thanks.. Dave tries to grab the biggest guy. Wonderful. 66 From across the street. C’mon. DAVE (CONT’D) Dave climbs the tree as the cat watches disdainfully. 65 EXT. as all three lay into Oscar. Dave reaches for the cat. remember . up a TREE. In the distance. 65 A terrified man. The BIGGEST GUY. NIGHT. flooring him. We intercut between this chase. cars honking as he darts between them..but Dave doesn’t.. In hot pursuit are three BIG SCARY GUYS. OSCAR JUAREZ. DAVE Hey there Mr. But the cat makes a break for it. 64 EXT. He sprints across the road towards it. eyes him as the others haul Oscar to his feet... Bitey. .walks the neighbourhood. and Dave’s more mundane ambling. This is it. 66 EXT. NIGHT.. Dave spots A CAT eating from the trash outside a FASTFOOD JOINT. The three scary guys surround them. runs for his life.in costume. but his foot slips and he falls. freak. ignoring the stares of PASSERSBY.
BIGGEST GUY (CONT’D) Get the fuck outta here! This ain’t none of your business. 68 EXT. approaching sirens. DAVE You okay. badly beaten. Time to quit. man? It’s chaos here . blazing. Dave pulls his lead pipe and piles in. as one. Dave shouts to them. DAVE Yeah. right and centre and landing plenty of his own. hunched on the ground. CONTINUOUS. The crowd bursts into APPLAUSE. The biggest guy. PHONE GUY Woooh! That rocked! Who are you? . too. BIGGEST GUY (to Dave) Fuckin’ freak! He bolts. it is. FAST FOOD JOINT. Dave gives as good as he gets as he fights to protect Oscar. Dave leans down to Oscar. CONTINUOUS. DAVE (CONT’D) Call 911! Somebody call 911! A TEENAGER runs into the nearby fast-food joint. clocks the crowd.the crowd shouting. 67 INT. it’s fuckin’ awesome! And. Dave’s not going down. The teenager bursts in urgently. followed by his cohorts. and now they’re on camera. Hey! TEENAGER 67 (a beat) There’s a guy dressed like a superhero out there fighting a load of Bloods. taking hits left. the DINERS hurry out into the street to watch. 68 The fast-food diners join the large crowd. RUN-DOWN STREET. many now filming the fight on their cell-phones. A few passerby slow down to gawp.34. An EXCITED GUY thrusts his cellphone breathlessly towards Dave.
DAVE This look like it’s going down any? Todd. did you see “Pretty Fly for a Draenei”? Yeah. He empties it out . doesn’t move. 71 INT. Dave runs. MARTY Yeah.it’s his CLOTHES. did you see that thing with the superhero guy? From round here? DAVE What thing? Surely it can’t be. DAVE 71 Todd looks slightly crushed. He pulls off his mask. TODD Hey. Marty. 69 OSCAR EXT. In the distance. we see the ambulance . Then his face lights up. 70 Dave rounds the corner. DAVE’S ROOM. Only been a week. DAY.. MARTY Give it time man.now arrived . NIGHT.. on the floor playing BIOSHOCK on the Xbox. at Dave’s desk browsing YOUTUBE. Dave peers at his bruised face in a mirror. MOMENTS LATER. . and after checking nobody’s seen him. THE OTHER END OF THE STREET. Thank you. Oscar manages a swollen smile. looks up briefly. He’s bleeding and bruised but can’t help grinning. he opens the dumpster and retrieves a PLASTIC SHOPPING BAG.? Dave tosses aside his CONTROLLER and moves over to the computer.35. He did it. 69 70 EXT. Marty follows. ALLEYWAY. TODD (CONT’D) Ah wait.and much of the crowd still in attendance. Dave ignores him and leans in closer to try and hear Oscar’s response.
Now the counter says: VIEWS: 208. Oscar sits nervously. MATHLETE (impersonating the clip) My name is Kickass! GAMER No.. the mathlete and gamer kids we met earlier stand together by their lockers. . y’know. . if you did.A Youtube page. LOCAL NEWS ANCHOR And coming up after the hour: a costumed vigilante has become the latest internet phenomenon after a Hamilton Park resident filmed the man’s remarkable intervention in a gang-related attack last week. . 72 In the low-ish res of a youtube clip.630. on his Kickass MYSPACE page. MUSIC kicks in now as we follow the explosion of Dave’s fame. “I’m kickass”. being interviewed by MEREDITH VIERA.In the studios of THE TODAY SHOW. Now it says: VIEWS: 5. DAVE I’m Kickass. And.In the school corridor.019 . MEREDITH VIERA And what would you say to him. Then looks up into the camera. It’s titled: Kickass! Real life Superhero.. PHONE GUY (OS) Woooh! That rocked! Who are you? Dave leans down to hear Oscar.621. .More Youtube footage. showing the fight. thank you.. just how brave he was. Underneath it says: VIEWS: 10. no. like. just. 72 KICKASS MEDIA FRENZY MONTAGE.Dave at his computer.Another Youtube clip. talking excitedly.Footage from a LOCAL NEWS CHANNEL. bent over Oscar. we see Dave. no.323 .36. . do you think? OSCAR If I saw him again? I guess. A FEMALE ANCHOR speaks.. he just goes. Then he runs off. . The camera thrusts towards him.
brandishing a stick. JOEL MCHALE (CONT’D) Not you. doesn’t respond. number seven: Lists his likes as country music..I mean. LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID LETTERMAN STUDIO. You were our clip of the week last week. still performing pull ups.. Someone dressed as KICKASS runs in. "Kickass residence -. NIGHT. painting her nails and watching THE SOUP.. number nine: Answers phone. in pyjamas.37. On TV we see: JOEL MCHALE And now it’s time for our kickass clip of the week. Laughter from the audience. Smith residence". 74 73 Mindy reads a COMIC while Damon performs pull-ups in the doorframe and watches LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID LETTERMAN. LETTERMAN (on TV) Number six: claims he's getting 50 miles to the gallon since switching to hybrid Kickass-mobile. LETTERMAN Top ten signs your neighbor is kickass. lies on her bed with her friend Erika..your neighbor is Kickass.Katie. DAMON AND MINDY’S PLACE. LETTERMAN (CONT’D) Number eight: The family of supervillains across the street have really been on edge lately. LETTERMAN (on TV) . Damon. . 73 INT. Kickass. softball and leaping tall buildings in a single bound. 74 INT. NIGHT. (shouting offscreen) I think we’re gonna have to change that segment title. Letterman is reading out the top ten list. MINDY I like kickass. the usual drum roll continues. .
MINDY That doesn’t even make sense. 76 INT. Where I’m not wanted. DAVID LETTERMAN (on TV) Number four: A lot of "thanks for hospitalizing my attackers" bouquets being delivered. Dave watches TV with his dad. DAVE’S HOUSE. His last house-guest: The Silver Surfer. FRANK The kid’s gonna end up dead.38. DAVID LETTERMAN (on TV) Number three. Frank. 76 75 . is what I think. D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE. I’d mail his site if I had a problem needed fixing. CHRIS Well I wouldn’t wanna get in the way of your “business”. 75 INT. He owns. NIGHT. MINDY Did you see the clip? He was pretty good. He shoulda called himself asskick instead. FRANK Are you kidding me? Tell me you’re fucking kidding me! I got a hundred guys could fix a problem and you’d call some Jersey City doofus? DAVID LETTERMAN (on TV) Number two: Mailman mistakenly puts "cowl-of-the-month club" catalog in your box. CHRIS No way. Angie and Chris are also watching Letterman. DAMON Good at getting his ass kicked. NIGHT.
LIZEWSKI costume I could do Hey.. LIZEWSKI What are you talking about? They had. That kickass guy? I guess so.. Said to him: when your son’s been mugged half a dozen times.. and purple.39. a superhero. LIZEWSKI I heard about it. Than a vigilante. I think they’re. like. MR. DAVID LETTERMAN (on TV) And the number one sign that your neighbor is Kick Ass: You hear his television blaring "Extreme makeover . I had a fight with one of ‘em about it. Exactly! DAVE . The guys at work were. like. camo. LIZEWSKI Is that the guy from round here? DAVE Uh. did at that catalogue I gave personal tasers? DAVE Yeah.. they were all kind of gay.. like.. the audience applaud.. I’ll carry one if you want me to. DAVE He’s more. The without. actually. DAVE I don’t know. then you come tell me what you think of vigilantes. seen that clip before? MR. MR. Had you. this reminds me.. you look you? The MR.Internet Superhero edition". MR. On TV. Wouldn’t you say? Meh. LIZEWSKI You were gonna pick a color. I said fine. meant for girls or something.
Dave sits down at his computer and logs onto Myspace.. Camo is fine. HIGH SCHOOL CORRIDOR.. We catch flashes of text: “Can you help?” . “broke into my car” Dave begins to type a reply: “I’m working my way through a backlog of requests right now. Dave. 78 77 Dave strides to his locker. LIZEWSKI Camo is gay now? You wanna tell the armed forces or shall I? DAVE No. She gestures to her face. DAVE (V. approaching from the other direction.O.. I wish you wouldn’t worry about me. Erases that. fine. Hey. I’ll have Camo.. but I’ll get to yours as soon as I can. 77 INT. DAY. types “keep it real”... . But I’m. DAVE’S ROOM. Dave looks over his shoulder. KATIE How’s the. KATIE Wary this time. Katie laughs..40.” He erases “sincerely” and types “truly”. He pats his own bruised face. Hey.. Katie. Dad. Hey.. 78 EXT. He scrolls through his mail. Kickass’s MySpace: 16k and counting. MR.. his face still bruised from Kickass’s now-legendary fight.. KATIE (CONT’D) DAVE (surprised) Oh. You don’t have to worry about me... NIGHT. Uh.. but more confident than ever.. “3rd armed hold-up in two months” . “and I swear I know for sure he did it“ ...) My MySpace: 38 friends. Yours sincerely. Then wipes that too and just types “Kickass”. look. smiles at him..
Actually. Today. did you just see that?! Todd and Marty exchange looks. me and Erika sometimes hang after school at this great store.. DAVE Ah. that’s for sure! KATIE Hey.. Not as bad as last time.41. like. yeah. KATIE Sweet! See ya later. TODD Yeah. DAVE Man. Dave spots Todd and Marty lurking nearby and walks over. sure. today? Tomorrow? DAVE Um. MARTY Don’t wanna piss on your fries. what you think. What. you’re into comicbooks. like. but it might not be... Much better. Thanks. Katie Deauxma.. Sure.. good. she’s. I always see those two friends of yours there? Yeah. in a euphoric daze.. dude.. KATIE Cool. the world’s biggest carebear? DAVE What are you talking about? . Gotham Comics? They have a Starbucks..? DAVE KATIE I mean. thanks.. aren’t you? (off his wary nod) Well. because... need someone to talk to? DAVE Um.. why not? Today’s good. I could buy you a coffee there sometime if you want? If you. then! And she’s off..
like. and you had. getting mugged. like. MARTY Just look at her friends: Erika Cho . but you got beat up. DAVE What’s that got to do with me? Dave and Marty exchange another look. TODD Really? What.. And I heard Ariel Kressly’s piano tutor interfered with her. The people who care about you know the truth. A rent boy?! A fucking rent boy?? What kind of rumor is that? MARTY Well you know. DAVE But. Katie Deauxma is all about the lame ducks. forget about it man. Kanesha whats-hername . no clothes on that time? DAVE That’s not even true! The medic threw my clothes away! TODD And.. 79 EXT.self harmer. COMIC BOOK STORE. .42. Rumors don’t mean shit.alopecia. DAVE You guys have been mugged! MARTY Yeah.. or he just felt her up and stuff? MARTY The point is. like. actual rape. He is mid-rant.. 79 Dave walks to the store with Todd and Marty. DAY. someone said when you went through the metal detector the other day they saw you turn in this really gay-looking personal taser? It’s camo! DAVE MARTY Aw.
you fucktard! DAVE Thanks a lot. And who knows.. it might even get you laid. A good listener. I’m. So. A strap-line on it says: COMING SOON. Marty. MARTY Not if she thinks he’s gay.. you know. But if you ever want to. about that. waving.I didn’t wanna.the store as he’s never seen it before. we find Dave sitting at a table and Katie returning to him... Dave opens the door and we see his stunned reaction to: . You’ve had kind of a rough time. It’s rammed. Read comics? . DAVE Right.. TODD Yeah. DAVE Yeah.43. he hears his name being called and spots Katie.. They’ve arrived at the comic store. Thanks. DAVE You really didn’t have to get mine. (reaching for a subject) Do you actually. a sign says: “TODAY’S SPECIAL: KICKASS CAPPUCCINO” DAVE (CONT’D) Holy shit. At the coffeeshop. you don’t have to talk about it... She sits down. Dave gapes at the poster. I KATIE God... Todd.. KATIE It’s my pleasure.. I’m sorry .. in the coffee-shop. what happened? Marty flicks a huge promotional cardboard sign: the cover of Kickass number 1.. But before he can comment. MARTY This guy happened. and the demographic has expanded wildly to include a lot of girls and a good cross section of teenage society. carrying two frappucinos. Todd and Marty shoo him over to her. Moments later. I think the least I can do is buy you a coffee.
. Dan Clowes.. DAVE Guess you won’t be lining up for that Kickass comic. You know I volunteer at the needle exchange? DAVE Uh. I’m a guy.. KATIE You can’t even imagine.. I’m not so big on all the superhero stuff.. No. But. DAVE Help? Really? What with? KATIE Oh.. I only just started. KATIE Well. But you know what. I mean. but yeah. Give you a guy’s perspective or something? KATIE (a beat) Okay. That kinda thing.. KATIE Guess not.44. I’m fine. boyfriend troubles.. I didn’t. like. if you want.. DAVE (trying to hide despair) Don’t be dumb. I mean. (a beat) So.. I could maybe. I was seriously thinking of mailing that guy’s site? I could use some help from a guy like that right now... Let’s see.. But the last thing you need is me unloading.. I mean. .. (lightening the mood) Kickass? Those must be some pretty serious boyfriend troubles! He cracks up at his joke ‘til he realizes she’s not kidding.. nothing. everything you’ve been through? My stupid problems are.. I’m. then. What comic books do you like? DAVE You can tell me.. The guy recommended some. Love and Rockets.
DODGY HOUSING PROJECT.f. Some NO-GOOD TYPES cross the street nervously. a friend who was. At a nasty block. I’m usually the one playing therapist. 81 INT. DODGY HOUSING PROJECT. I mean Dave takes her hand in his. DAVE Shhh. Wow.in costume . DAVE (V.. May as well get what he can get. Katie reaches across the table and squeezes his hand. would be.walks the street. Of course not. 80 EXT. and. there was this one guy. is it? I don’t.45.. KATIE Well. . But I tried my best. more importantly. DAVE (V. NIGHT. like. NIGHT. 80 Dave .. 81 Dave climbs a filthy stairwell.O. and all that kinda thing. this particular lame duck of hers had turned out to be more of a lame cobra. A few KIDS cheer as he passes. A friend like you? I hope it’s okay to say that? It’s not homophobic.. Carry on.) (CONT’D) Long story short. here for you. he pushes bells ‘til someone buzzes him in. I talked her into mailing Kickass. unloading. A SHADY-LOOKING GUY unexpectedly high-fives him... And. KATIE Can I make a confession? Ever since I was young I always wanted a.) I don’t know if I was everything Katie had always dreamed her gay b. walks a dilapidated corridor.. think you’re all the same or something.O. DAVE Well.f. this is weird. Rasul? The more I found out about his upbringing and stuff? I just felt so sorry for him.. I’m.
cute but wasted sits playing CALL OF DUTY 4 with some other THUG. The door is opened by LEROY. kid. 82 INT.O. shouldering his way past the puzzled Leroy. . and leave her alone. Dave walks in. DAVE Are you Rasul? LEROY No. Who’s that under there? Dave steps in. THUG The fuck is this. now I’m dead. 21. NIGHT.) She didn’t want the money back that she’d given him. She just wanted him to get that they were through. bemused and angry. trick or treat? DAVE You don’t know who I am? No!? RASUL (re: the game) Great. or an apology for the black eye he’d given her. Dave stops outside one of the doors and pushes the bell. (a beat) And .. LEROY Ain’t Halloween for another few months.let’s be real . Rasul tosses his controller aside. DAVE (V. DAVE Which one of you guys is Rasul? RASUL Who’s that? Leroy. who is this? Leroy shrugs..19. 82 A depressing drug den in which RASUL . RASUL’S APARTMENT. followed by LEROY.46.no other request could’ve given me more pleasure. huge and intimidating.
The other thug helps Rasul up. I have a message for Rasul..47. uh.. It’s over. And this is me giving you a message: leave Katie alone. the tiny costumed figure who put it there. And. and Dave stands frozen in shock as Mindy launches herself at them. You just need to. leave her alone. Rasul grabs Dave’s shoulder. (off his reaction) You’re Rasul? Ok. Look me up. MINDY Who’s next? Leroy and the thug look at one another in disbelief. but before he can do anything else. You’ve gotta stay away from Katie now. Dave has pulled his TASER. we know for sure that it’s Mindy. About Katie Deauxma. but Leroy tackles him to the ground. man! I’m He stops in mid sentence and his eyes bug out as he looks down in surprise at: a LONG BLADE bursting from his stomach. Dave struggles to load his spare cartridge into the now empty taser. and Rasul pulls a knife... who shrieks and falls twitching to the ground. RASUL What? Who are you? What is this? DAVE I’m Kickass. RASUL You are so fucking dead. Dave tries to make a break for it. He tasers Rasul. RASUL (standing up menacingly) Or what? DAVE I’ll come back and break your fucking legs. but Leroy is too strong. . but when she pulls a pair of butterfly knives from her little utility belt and begins to flip them. DAVE I. He keels over forwards to reveal a huge knife through his back and. Dave turns to leave. but Leroy steps into his path. standing behind him. Her mask conceals her face.
awkward wave. Soon. dumbstruck. that is one fuckin’ gaylookin’ taser. Dave watches her. MINDY (CONT’D) C’mon. Dave shakes it. dipshit.the way she came in. She crams them back in the holdall. Dave stops. She points to the next building where we can see Damon.shhh .. Mindy pokes her head back into the room. he aims his taser at her. 83 EXT. Damon salutes. HOUSING PROJECT ROOF. Who are you? She holds out her little gloved hand. grabs it and heads for an OPEN WINDOW . . wait. still glued to the spot. MINDY (CONT’D) Dude. and watches as she turns the apartment upside down. Mindy pauses too. And that’s Big Daddy. out of breath.48. 84 EXT. MINDY I’m Hitgirl. We’re on the same team. Come on.then draws his finger across his throat. Reluctantly.. She climbs out onto the fire escape. also in superhero costume. NIGHT. When they lie bleeding. It’s an extraordinary sight as this tiny. FIRE ESCAPE. Dave follows her up the fire escape. puts his fingers to his lips . deflecting every blow as she slices and dices these two guys three times her size. she finds a holdall and pulls out several BAGS OF COCAINE. Reluctantly. Terrified. Can’t use the front door now. 83 Too scared to protest. she pulls the knife from Rasul’s back and stares at Dave. (a beat) Chill. DAVE Wait. knives flashing. Dave lowers it. lethal figure flies between the two. NIGHT. It’s covered in other people’s blood. we presume. MINDY (CONT’D) 84 She breaks into a run towards the edge of the roof. Dave gives him a small.
takes Damon’s hand and waves goodbye to Dave before the two turn and run towards the next rooftop. 87 INT. DAY. The Russians want a war? Then a fucking war is what they’re gonna get.. And they’re gone. Take a look at this: He holds his hand out and the goon passes him a blood-stained cellphone. 8 last night. shrugs. toys and other detritus of Dave’s childhood around the room remind us that he’s just a kid. the huge goon nearby. FRANK Let me get this straight: 8 of my guys are dead. I don’t think it’s the Russians. I want everyone on this. NIGHT. He wipes it with his sleeve and gives it to Frank. curls up into a ball and starts to cry. 85 EXT. BIG JOE No. D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE . as the gap between the buildings yawns wide before him. 86 INT.) A stupid dick with a real problem.) Hitgirl and Big Daddy. DAVE (V. Dave climbs shakily down the fire escape to the street. 86 85 Dave sneaks into his room and sits down heavily on the bed. .. slams on the brakes in terror at the last moment. 87 A grim-faced Big Joe sits with Frank. 15 altogether. Me. NIGHT. He pulls off his blood-spattered mask.KITCHEN. leaping fearlessly into the void and landing on the roof opposite. Mindy keeps going. DAVE (V. BIG JOE Frankie. FIRE ESCAPE. FRANK Okay.O. they were the real deal. The superhero duvet-cover.49. Dave runs too but.O. She looks back. DAVE’S BEDROOM. I was just a stupid dick in a wetsuit. and we have no merchandise on the street at all. And six more missing.
BIG JOE (CONT’D) Sal’s phone. DAVE I..vaulting out of an open window. DAVE I didn’t say anything.. It’s Mindy and Damon in full Hit Girl and Big Daddy costume. You do know the police could’a traced it right back to you if they’d found it? Lucky for you. Dave’s eyes snap open and he leaps out of bed.. BIG JOE (CONT’D) I know this sounds fucked up? But we think it’s that guy. Just to double check. asleep. I picked it up. Dave peers at them.. Dave nods like crazy. . to anyone.50. It was in his hand. 88 Dave lies in bed. ON THE PHONE’S SCREEN: A blurred image of a large costumed figure . You want FRANK KICKASS’S FUCKING HEAD ON A STICK! And I want it YESTERDAY! 88 INT. DAVE’S BEDROOM. Let’s keep it that way. Go ahead and look into it. NIGHT. I swear! DAMON Good move. Petrified. I. Okay. we’re gonna look like the biggest bunch of pussies in New York! Man. and gradually we realize that is this is a POV shot: somebody is creeping closer as he dozes.who we might recognise as Big Daddy .. cowering. That superhero guy from the TV. BIG JOE Look into it. FRANK Kickass? One guy?? If you’re right.. Mindy holds out a handful of unfamiliar-looking SMALL PLASTIC BITS. yeah. MINDY Know what this is? All the cartridge shit that comes outta your gay taser when you fire it. Thanks.
Makes it easier for me to take your word. quitting. DAMON Let’s call it insurance.51. (a beat) Listen. he takes the pieces himself. MINDY Shame. This is. I’m thinking of shutting my site down anyway. we’re around if you need us.God. we like you. DAMON We don’t do nice.. DAVE Shit. insane. But. I’m in way over my head. With his other hand. He has this special signal he shines into the sky? It’s in the shape of a dick and balls. . We don’t trust anybody. DAVE (humouring him) Thanks.. I re-routed your IP address for you.. there’s a whole lot of people in this town we’d rather see accessorizing with a toe tag. See. MINDY Don’t take it personal though. y’know. But we don’t trust you. That’s really nice of you. But. Damon’s hand shoots out and grabs Dave’s wrist before it gets anywhere near. You have potential. But put it this way. DAMON I recommend it. Dave reaches out to take the pieces from her. DAMON Your call. DAVE How do I get hold of you? MINDY (deadpan) Oh just contact the mayor’s office. I owe you. you know. Finding you was way too easy. I hadn’t ..
and climbs out of the window. blowing a kiss.) (from behind the curtain) So.S. Superheroes breaking into my bedroom. Just.. DAVE (V.. Wow. KATIE (CONT’D) What do you think? DAVE .. Somehow. MINDY Sweet dreams. confused. KATIE (O. DAY. can you totally see my nipples? DAVE Uh. DAMON You need us.O. Damon salutes. 89 INT. Dave nods. And now Katie Deauxma undressing three feet away from me. Mindy follows. I didn’t get a mail back from Kickass. No. CLOTHING STORE. We’ll find you. Katie sticks her hand into her top.. takes Mindy by the hand. but it’s been a whole week since I’ve heard from Rasul? She emerges from behind the curtain in an absurdly sexy dress. DAVE (V. Dave sits on a pink sofa by a curtained changing cubicle. assessing the transparency of the fabric.. She does a little twirl in front of the mirror.Awesome.) Murder. KATIE Shit.. put on your site that you’re on vacation. frowning.52. Nothing seemed real any more.O. A bit? Is that bad? She throws a few poses in the mirror.. 89 . I mostly managed not to get a boner..) (CONT’D) Being Katie’s gay best friend sucked and rocked in equal measure.
Everything else is a grey area. DAY. and trust me. DAY. that’s what’s up.) . DETECTIVE VIC GIGANTE. POLICE DEPARTMENT. GIGANTE My condolences.STUDY. There’s no evidence on Kickass. What’s up? GIGANTE FRANK Kickass is killing my men. I read those old Ditko Spidermans you gave me? They were actually pretty good. FRANK Outside your remit?? You’re a fucking cop and he’s breaking the law! That’s so inside your remit it’s ball-deep in your remit’s ass! GIGANTE Listen: The cops pay me to nail the bad guys. okay? .. 91 90 In his office. Just do it. Frank is on the phone.. cradles the phone in his sweaty neck as he chows down on Chinese takeout. He’s just doing what a lot of ‘em would like to do. folks here ain’t in a hurry to find any. 50s. DAVE (V. You pay me not to. though.53. KATIE Oh hey. No can do. We now intercut between the two men. with Big Joe at his side.O. Vic. He grabs a cushion from beside him and places it on his lap.But there’s only so much control a man can have in the presence of perfection. Outside my remit. FRANK I need you to get rid of Kickass. Gigante. D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE . 91 INT. 90 INT. FRANK Fuck you very much.
staring into space. We pull back to see that the car is inside a CRUSHER. except: Detective Marcus Williams. 30. The cop we saw tailing Mindy. NIGHT. checks the time and turns to Joe. largely disinterested. It soon becomes apparent that this is the POV of DIMITRI. 92 Damon and Mindy. DAMON Thank you. are upside down. JUNKYARD. POLICE DEPARTMENT. Momentarily. MINDY What a fucking douche. .54. I’m just saying we give him a friendly reminder that we don’t encourage the public to take the law into their own hands. 93 INT. We can’t see it. (off their silence) I gave you all them names and address. The crusher grinds into action. a small metal CUBE lands at her feet. DAY. GIGANTE Frankie - Frank picks up a framed photo on his desk. you sure look good in that picture I have of you down in Tijuana last year. You think? Frank slams the phone down. (more silence) I won’t say nothing to nobody. FRANK Boy. Dimitri. 93 Gigante has called a group of COPS into his office. FRANK (CONT’D) Where the hell is Dimitri? 92 EXT. Maybe I should put it on Facebook. GIGANTE Look. He’s strapped into a seat in an upside down car. Let me down. in Big Daddy and Hit Girl costume. DIMITRI Let me out now. We appreciate your cooperation. All sit around. Mindy smiles and hits a BUTTON. I get that you all like him.
. Detective Williams.We whip to the third panel.definitely Damon . He has an oleaginous smile and a huge fistful of money. .have red crosses through them. He picks up what appears to be a home-made COMIC. notes the huge stash of weapons. Detective Marcus walks in. and begins to read. Two cops .about to get into his cop car when a hand taps him on the shoulder. . a photographer snaps a shot. we have bigger burgers to barbecue. we see the shot. Where before we saw the row of comic-book style portraits is now a huge pyramid arrangement of pictures.all the gangsters Damon and Mindy have killed.55. In front of them. But trust me. It’s about having better things to do than hunt down some guy who roughed up a few gangbangers. GIGANTE Ah. static. captured in black and white on the cover of a newspaper. DAMON AND MINDY’S PLACE. He opens drawers and rifles through their contents. 94 INT. DAY. .. . At the very top is Frank. Dismissed. still static.In the next panel. The lower ones . stopping at the wall. the LOCK on the door flies out and onto the floor. Marcus keeps walking. The headline above it reads: LOCAL SUPER-COP TEAM LEAD THE WAR ON DRUGS.Now the artwork comes to life in animation as we see Damon turn around to see a man who is unmistakably Frank. beaming proudly. The higher ones are as-yet unmarked. to see the white cop . including Rasul . Why am I not surprised by your lack of cooperation? MARCUS I’ll keep an eye out.We linger on the first panel. also static. Suddenly. Gigante. 94 There’s nobody here. GIGANTE Then you better get your damn apron on.stand side-by-side. 95 . All of you.a black guy and a white guy bearing more than a passing resemblance to Damon and Marcus himself . He inspects the apartment. Marcus. 95 ANIMATED COMIC BOOK SEQUENCE. MARCUS This is not about us liking him.
.over to Damon. the baby waving to a sad-faced Damon. Suddenly a light-bulb appears overhead. But we pan down to see another doctor.In his penthouse.56. .Marcus and the baby . His look turns to horror as he sees: Damon’s wife lying on the ground.. . a bottle of pills in her hand.. . now a pretty little toddler. . .produces two huge bags of white powder.In the jail.A comic book caption says: FOUR YEARS LATER. pills scattered about.. The image magically changes to show the two wearing new. Marcus hands Mindy . weeping. standing together in front of a dingy apartment block. looking concerned. Damon and his wife react in shock.The thought bubble bursts.Outside the jail.A thought-bubble springs from Damon’s head. and we pan back down to Damon. who is crying.. his head in his hands.The first doctor hands the smiling baby to Marcus. a sad Marcus puts a comforting arm around Damon’s now-even-more-heavily-pregnant wife. mournfully drawing a sheet over the peaceful face of Damon’s wife.now in a little pink dress. .An ambulance streaks across the frame. .Damon and his pregnant wife watch TV. She’s dead. becoming recognizably Mindy.In a prison cell. standing outside a beautiful mansion. We pan down to find Damon’s pregnant wife sitting in its shadow. siren blaring.In a female hand.now looking about four years old . .A doctor lifts a newborn baby into view. hands in angry fists. . shaking his head and holding up his hand to refuse the money. we see an envelope marked “bill”. .Marcus enters Damon’s place. . heavily-pregnant woman. He grins. . Frank laughs maniacally. a bow in her hair . containing an image of himself and a pretty. a huge team of cops burst in! The cops tear through the apartment until one .whom we recognise as Gigante . acquiring a moustache and a psychotic look in his eye along the way.sit in a prison visiting room. . . Suddenly. and she waves goodbye to Marcus. Damon sits. transforming from a regular guy into the Big Daddy we now know.Frank. . Marcus plays happily with the baby.In a sunny playground. .An establishing image of jail house gates. Damon works out aggressively. smoke coming from his head. . Outside the jail-house gates. upscale clothes. red-faced. It is tossed into the air and we follow it as it lands atop a colossal tower of other bills.
. . All around them we see the squalor of a run-down.The comic book in Marcus’s hand. remember? DAMON So go ahead. crime-ridden neighbourhood. DAY. Marcus gestures at the comic and the wall of portraits. I say made it into a game. 96 INT. MARCUS I want to see her. Pull back to see they are now in costume: Hit Girl and Big Daddy. Ready to fight back. MARCUS This your idea of playing... Marcus shakes his head sadly. I needed to warn you. DAMON AND MINDY’S PLACE. I miss you both. But you need to go now. Arrest me. DAMON I appreciate your concern. Marcus.The sky darkens. He jumps as he hears: DAMON How did you find me? MARCUS One of us is still a cop. MARCUS Please. Damon.57. hear me out first: that asshole Gigante is looking for Kickass. I miss her. .. And looming over them. is the giant demonic face of Frank. Mindy puts her little hand in his. The image freezes and we pull back again to see. I.. MARCUS This how you brainwashed Mindy? DAMON You say brainwashed. Marcus looks down to see: Damon has a gun levelled at him. Damon? Vigilante justice? Mass murder? (a beat) Where is she? DAMON I sent her onto the roof when I saw someone had busted the lock. 96 ..Close on Damon’s big hand.. filling the horizon.
I wanted to give you a heads up. MARCUS This is no life for Mindy. FRANK Holy shit. I’m Big Daddy now. But nevermind that. DAMON No.. Damon died when she died. MARCUS Well. you screw with D’Amico. DAMON Damon’s gone. Suddenly. 97 INT. too. You carry on like you’ve been doing and it’s only a matter of time before Gigante’s looking for you. He’s been on D’Amico’s payroll ever since you passed up the opportunity. DAMON You know I’m not gonna stop. Stop! 97 . Point is. D’AMICO’S LIMO. I’ll tell you who owes her a childhood: Frank D’Amico. You owe that kid a childhood. the cops are gonna be all over you. Now get the hell out of here. DAMON You got proof? MARCUS Working on it. He anything to do with you? You got some kinda fucked-up superhero club going or something? DAMON Hardly know the guy. you know. Damon. Frank. he spots something. MARCUS Ain’t gonna bring her back. fuming over his situation. no doubt about it.58. DAMON Kickass? MARCUS Yeah.. Not ‘til D’Amico and his whole damn operation are toast. sits tensely in the back seat beside the Huge Goon. DAY. Marcus.
Frank stays his hand. As the limo corners. He takes a left down a quiet side-street.I just can’t believe he’s dead.. The goon pulls his gun. huh?! Take my fucking coke?! A lone ONLOOKER stops and stares in horror at the bizarre sight of a well-dressed man laying into a superhero. HUGE GOON Boss. He puts his arm gingerly around her shoulder. gun in hand. oblivious. KATIE’S BEDROOM. Frank leaps out and runs at Kickass. FRANK (CONT’D) Oh. what the fuck?! Frank snatches it and shoots the fleeing onlooker before holding the gun to Kickass’s head and pulling the trigger. well and comforting Katie. that’s all. you are mine. The driver complies. Frank.59. (to the heavens) Thank you. utterly out of control. Katie is on her bed sobbing. Just walking. We pull back to find Dave. NIGHT. FRANK (CONT’D) (to onlooker) You want some?! The onlooker runs away. FRANK (CONT’D) Hey! Kickass! Kickass spins round to be met with a perfect round-house kick from Frank. kicks him furiously as he lies there. motionless. 98 . pausing only for the occasional high-five from passers by. and now we see what Frank has: Kickass. FRANK (CONT’D) (to the driver) Follow that superhero. He goes down instantly.. 98 INT. KATIE . The limo crawls along a discreet distance behind Kickass as he continues on his way. FRANK (CONT’D) Kill my men. Alive. as the goon runs over.
FRANK What kind of fucking children’s entertainer is that? What kind of kid has. sobbing into his neck. Katie throws her arms round Dave and hugs him. Dave. I hope it’s okay to say this but. but changes his mind. Katie. and. DAVE (CONT’D) C’mon. But.60.. 99 Frank holds a NEWSPAPER up to Big Joe and flicks it angrily. You’re losing it. guiltily relishing the opportunity. Let’s go out and buy you. some candy? And some of those magazines you like where they draw the red circle on the picture if a celebrity has. I mean. He holds her. an extra long toe or something. you’re scaring me... sure. KATIE I know.... a Spiderman party. DAY. but. looking fondly into his eyes... D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE . are they doing paper plates and fucking napkins at the store now? Unnoticed by Frank and Joe. BIG JOE Frank. a fucking Kickass party!? What.. She nods and wipes her nose. Since when did you start getting your hands dirty again? And in public!? . Don’t cry..... like. there’s no way! He probably didn’t even read your mail yet. guys like Rasul. Chris walks in behind them and puts a Pop-tart in the toaster. 99 INT. but what if it was my fault? What if Kickass did it? DAVE Oh my god. KATIE You’re the best.KITCHEN. Dave opens his mouth to speak. They get mixed up in stuff. DAVE I know.. It so sucks that you’re gay. you’re talking crazy! Katie.
Chris tries not to betray his thrill at finally being accepted into his dad’s world.61. It’s lonely.. we’re busting our asses.. it’s been a week! We mailed him. muttering to himself.. and you don’t deliver. all fucking day long. CHRIS Point is. BIG JOE (CONT’D) The hell are you doing? You’re back on the powder now as well? Frank ignores him and hoovers it up. Just. interrupting) Comic books. Frank nods . CHRIS I know a way you could get him.. this kids reads. I can do it. But who do you trust? You can’t really trust anyone. or FRANK (to Joe. FRANK Chris! Who said you could come in?! Get the hell out! CHRIS You wanna hear it or not? Reluctantly. FRANK Since when I ask you fucks to get me Kickass. look: you’re a superhero. Give me a chance. surprised. I could be that stranger. right? Because either they’ll find out your secret identity. we got half our guys out doing petty crimes as bait. And. here. Frank and Joe swivel round. . I just need a few things. I wanna Kickass party”. there’s only one way a superhero would trust a stranger.go on. He begins to chop out a line. BIG JOE Gimme a break. that’s when. Frank produces a wrap of COKE and empties it onto the table. Dumb little fucks. FRANK “Mommy. CHRIS (CONT’D) Okay.
dad. it’ll work. or somebody. FRANK What? CHRIS I need these things.. Chris Frank holds his hand up to Joe. MARTY I’m telling you. plonks herself on Dave’s lap. It never feels like the right time. the worse it’s gonna be.. man: longer you leave it. TODD So how are things going with Katie? DAVE Oh. What is this? CHRIS It’s all the stuff I’ll need. kisses him on the cheek. Hey guys. 100 Dave. KATIE . FRANK What are you fucking kidding me? A Shelby Mustang? A. CHRIS Or somebody. He scans it. I know. DAVE I know. 100 INT. DAY. now’s your chance. Like. And you have to fuck somebody over. MARTY Well. She just seems so. If you let me do this. Louie. I’m gonna tell her. just peachy. Todd and Marty drink their coffees in the busy store.. motions for Chris to go on. BIG JOE Louie?! Woah woah woah.62. happy. COMICBOOK STORE. Spent the weekend watching the entire Ugly Betty box set and doing pedicures. But I swear. Marty nods to the door: Katie’s just walked in. Chris hands Frank a handwritten list. She runs over..
. Kickass proved that one person can make a difference.) REPORTER (V.. (Who is . and uh.. this individual. Cut Red Mist. I’m gonna be fighting crime twentyfive/eight.After the death last week of a local children’s entertainer who was dressed as Kickass. A superhero in an awesome red costume signs autographs for a gathering crowd. 101 An indignant. Cut to a shot of some SUSHI being picked up with CHOPSTICKS. can you please turn it up? (to the boys) Check this! The Barista shrugs and complies. (he stares down the lense) Red Mist dot com. And I’m just a click away. other COPS swarm industriously. but then spots the store’s TV. She squeals excitedly and waves to the BARISTA. as his actions last night proved. which is running the news with the sound muted.O. and everyone in the store turns to watch the screen. CHRIS I guess folks have had enough of living with fear..Chris. Nearby.as we’ll surely guess . KATIE (CONT’D) Oh my god. did you see on TV this morning? The new superhero guy? How cool was that? What? Who? DAVE Katie pulls out her IPHONE. KATIE Oooh. On it we see: 101 EXT. But it seems that far from being put-off.) . who calls himself Red Mist. DAY. decided to take crime fighting to a new level. still signing autographs for a clamoring crowd as he talks to the news reporter. The boys mumble their greetings. . DRUG DEN. HANDCUFFED MAN is pushed into a police van.63. This is RED MIST. If anyone needs help.
103 INT. 103 Dave is at his desk. MARTY Yeah. Dave? MARTY (trying not to laugh) Yeah. into the wastepaper basket under his desk. they’re both kinda hot. the cops were wetting their pants. and the store breaks into excited chatter.64. DAVE’S BEDROOM. DAVE What did he do? KATIE He got. NIGHT. NEWS ANNOUNCER Up next. DAY. COMIC STORE. Dave drains a CAN OF SODA and throws it.. like.688. Here and Loving it. 102 INT. like.. when he realizes that everyone is looking at him. KATIE Aw. TODD Pretty cool. Some kids use their cells to log on to Red Mist’s site. A ticker says. a ton of stuff. A deadly threat at your dinner table? Why eating sushi could kill you. fuming. Better costume than Kickass. Don’t you think. whaddya think Dave? He the kinda guy you’d go for? Before Dave can comment. far harder than necessary. embarrassed.502. It’s fabulous. MATHLETE (celebratory rock growl) Red Miiiiist! He looks down and adjusts his glasses. 102 The barista turns the sound down again. But he has a better body than Kickass. .VISITORS: 5. On the monitor: RED MIST’S SITE. some drug dealer? Some most-wanted guy? You saw ‘em bringing out. they are all distracted by a shout across the room: the mathlete kid is making the “rock on!” corna double hand-gesture to his friends. In the background we may notice Chris himself.
DAVE (CONT’D) Seemed like hardly anybody wanted to talk to Kickass any more. Really? . inspired me. You’re my hero. 104 Dave.) Dave looks up to the source of the voice to see Chris. It’s an advert for a PENIS ENLARGER. That was higher than it looked.. He opens the second. YOURS. We see a snatch of the mail: .. surprised and intrigued. DAVE Wow. NIGHT.65.. DAVE Are you okay? CHRIS (clearly in pain) Yep.NEW MAIL: 2. DAVE Chris jumps down in front of Dave. CHRIS (CONT’D) I can’t believe you’re really here. Shit. CHRIS (O. 104 EXT. You.. DAVE (V. Kickass. Dave opens a mail.. CHRIS Owww. IT’D BE COOL TO HOOK UP. Chris collects himself and shakes Dave’s hand.. no Kickass? No Red Mist.S. A button says . in his Red Mist costume.O. He punches a few keys and the KICKASS WEBSITE comes up. in his Kickass costume. man.. I mean. enters the alleyway cautiously. Seriously. RED MIST. ALLEYWAY.. Dave clicks on it.JUST TELL ME A TIME AND PLACE. and leans in. I.) Apparently Katie wasn’t the only one who thought Red Mist owned. standing iconically on a high wall. Red Mist.
protesting.. so I’m gonna need to get back pretty soon. CHRIS (CONT’D) Sorry about the mess. wanna go fight some crime or something? What. DAVE You wanna be. DAVE (CONT’D) Sweet!! Is that yours? CHRIS Meet the Mistmobile. Chris produces what appears to be a JOINT. I mean. nine and two weekdays. CHRIS Sat-nav.. your sidekick. They turn the corner to see: a gorgeous MUSTANG. Dave notices a pile of COMICS scattered in the foot well.. THE MISTMOBILE.66. I don’t know. CONTINUOUS. DAVE To be honest with you? I really only fight crime between. My iphone . you and me? Together? Would we own or what? I mean. now? DAVE CHRIS Why not? C’mon. Chris points to various things in the car. I got a thing I wanna show you. (MORE) 105 .. look...so I can check the website for emergencies while I’m driving around. like... Dave follows him. Smoke? (off Dave’s head shake) I find a lil’ zoot takes the edge off when I’m on patrol. my sidekick?? CHRIS Yeah. Uh.. CHRIS Straight up. 105 INT. if you ever wanted me to be. Check it out: He opens the passenger door and Dave gets in. And.. Cup holder.
67. CHRIS (CONT’D) Going up against a crowd... it can get pretty scary, don’t you find? (off Dave’s silence) Something wrong? DAVE You’re so not how I expected? Chris shrugs, sparks up and starts the engine. Seatbelt? CHRIS
Dave buckles up, still bemused. Chris hits play on the stereo. Danny Elfman MUSIC kicks in. Chris floors the pedal. 106 INT/EXT. THE MISTMOBILE. CONTINUOUS. 106
They speed down the street. Excited PASSERSBY stop and wave. Chris grabs his i-phone, hits a key and puts it down again. CHRIS So, I got a mail from this chick, said some guy keeps following her home from work. I have the address and stuff. You wanna check it out? DAVE Sure, why not? They throw a sharp, screeching left into a dodgy street. 107 INT. WAREHOUSE. NIGHT. 107
Ten Goons, armed to the teeth. Huge Goon talks into his cell. HUGE GOON Just got an SMS. He’s on his way. 108 INT. D’AMICO’S LIMO. NIGHT. Frank’s in the back on his cell, beside Joe. FRANK Don’t kill him ‘til I get there. He hangs up and pockets the phone. BIG JOE Looks like reading all them comics paid off, huh? Your boy did good. FRANK He’s his father’s son. 108
68. 109 INT. THE MIST MOBILE. NIGHT. 109
The superheroes drive to the suitably heroic music, the scene undermined only slightly by the interruption of the Sat-Nav. SAT-NAV LADY (V.O.) In 100 yards, turn left. 110 INT. D’AMICO’S LIMO. NIGHT Frank grins to himself as he loads his GUN. 111 INT. THE MIST MOBILE. NIGHT. Our superheroes screech round a corner. SAT-NAV LADY (V.O.) Destination. Destination. Chris stops the car and the two stare out ahead, stunned. CHRIS What... the... fuck???? 112 EXT. WAREHOUSE. CONTINUOUS. 112 111 110
Pull back from the car to see: The warehouse. It’s on fire. The boys swing the doors open, climb out and stare some more. SAT-NAV LADY (V.O.) Destination. Destination. Oh my god. DAVE
Chris begins to run towards the entrance. DAVE (CONT’D) What are you doing?! CHRIS There are people in there! DAVE Shouldn’t we just call... Oh shit. Okay. No choice. Dave runs after him.
69. 113 INT. BURNING WAREHOUSE. CONTINUOUS. 113
Our superheroes cough and splutter through the smoke. Within moments, Chris has sprinted away, losing Dave. Dave enters the main open space, in which he eventually spots the Huge Goon, lying on the floor, face down, out cold. Dave hoists the man’s arm over his shoulder and, with great difficulty, begins to drag him towards the exit. As the goon begins to slip, Dave gives a little tug on his arm. The man’s head tips back to reveal his face: his eyes are rolled back in his head and his mouth has been cut nearly all the way to the ear on both sides. Dave screams, drops him and runs. As he continues his nightmarish fight through the flames, Dave now spots one heap of CORPSES after another: Frank’s henchmen. Some shot, other displaying extensive knife wounds. Utterly freaked out, Dave reaches a door... but it’s jammed. DAVE Red Mist! Red Mist! Overcome by the smoke, Dave slumps to the ground. Suddenly out of the miasma comes: a gloved hand. Chris pulls Dave up and they run, finally reaching the doorway to safety. 114 EXT. BURNING WAREHOUSE. CONTINUOUS. 114
Dave and Chris emerge from the flames, looking every inch the authentic superheroes, bar the fact that they haven’t rescued anyone and Chris appears to be holding A BURNT TEDDY BEAR. A group of BYSTANDERS have gathered. They applaud. DAVE Holy shit, that was... CHRIS Oh my god. Oh my god. Fuck.
DAVE Did you see all those bodies? Chris nods in horror. In the distance, SIRENS. CHRIS We’ve gotta get out of here. DAVE (noticing the teddy) Why’d you save the teddy...? CHRIS What? I don’t know. Come on. And they jump into the still-open Mistmobile and drive off.
He gets up. BACKSTREET NEAR THE WAREHOUSE. Most of what was left of my men. Good news is. Frank pushes into the hallway. Gigante lies in bed.. busts in and runs at Frank.. And don’t call again until you got ‘em. 115 INT. Tonight we nail these superhero fuckers to the wall. GIGANTE Gigante. You gotta help me.BEDROOM. DETECTIVE GIGANTE’S HOUSE .. Yeah. 116 INT. He’s a total wreck. GIGANTE What are you doing here? FRANK We gotta talk. . the door bangs open and Chris. I know that warehouse. GIGANTE Shit. and the warehouse. Suddenly. there’s an APB out. I just got a call about Kickass. grabs his GUN just in case. in his Red Mist costume. 117 116 Gigante opens the door to see: Frank. NIGHT.. NIGHT. In the distance: SIRENS.70.. So put out an APB. listen to me Frank. My son. Frank climbs unsteadily back in. Before Gigante can protest.HALLWAY. still holding the teddy. NIGHT. DETECTIVE GIGANTE’S HOUSE . sound asleep until his PHONE RINGS... GIGANTE Okay. The limo pulls away. Chris was in there? FRANK Chris. GIGANTE What if someone saw you come? FRANK Chris is dead.. He hangs up and settles down again when his DOORBELL starts to ring persistently. Vic.. 115 Frank climbs from his limo and gapes in disbelief at the sight greeting him: the warehouse on fire. That motherfucker burned down my warehouse and killed my son. 117 INT..
. Gigante goes for his gun. Gigante. FRANK Put the fucking gun down. I mean watch (to Gigante) Where’s your DVD? 118 INT. GIGANTE’S HOUSE . plugging the DVD cables into the teddy. for fuck’s sake... Now they both look confused. still confused.. Vic. . FRANK What’s it gonna do? CHRIS Aw. Then stares in total alarm as Frank and Red Mist hug one another.FRONT ROOM.. it’s Chris! GIGANTE Chris is Red Mist?! FRANK It’s not Red Mist you gotta worry about. FRANK (CONT’D) . it’s Kickass! CHRIS But’s it’s not! FRANK What are you talking about? CHRIS Kickass is just some geek! Its not him! You gotta watch this! Chris thrusts the teddy at them. NIGHT.. GIGANTE I’m watching. We got there and all the guys were dead. FRANK Holy shit!.71. keeps the gun leveled at Red Mist. dad. 118 Chris fumbles around.You’re ok! CHRIS (crying) They’re all dead.
appears behind him holding a hunting knife. maybe? 121 . Reflected in their eyes. DAVE’S HOUSE . WAREHOUSE. Huge Goon on his cell. Big Daddy versus the gangsters. Dave and his dad eat breakfast in silence. most have been shot or cut.. HUGE GOON Just got an SMS. Frank and Chris watch the TV. NIGHT.FRONT ROOM. stunned. 120 Gigante. GIGANTE Jesus. CHRIS You bought this to spy on the nanny when I was a kid. buddy? You look tired. Within moments. Who is this guy? CHRIS He’s the real deal. DAVE (V.) Superheroes who run into burning buildings are meant to find pretty ladies screaming “save my baby”. DAY. What they’re not meant to find is a pile of massacred corpses.72. A beat. lit up now with flames. then a full scale fight begins.. 121 INT. 120 INT. Get an early night tonight. He’s on his way. Suddenly.KITCHEN. NIGHT. 119 The same scene we saw: 10 armed goons. and slices his face open.O. Damon . GIGANTE’S HOUSE .in Big Daddy costume . and we see: 119 INT. FATHER You okay. we see the screen. okay? But look: The TV springs to life. don’t you remember? FRANK Why’d you put it in the warehouse? CHRIS I guess I thought it’d be kinda cool to put the unmasking of Kickass on the net.
KITCHEN. 122 INT. D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE . pops her head round the door. DAVE You bet I will. Chris and Joe swap nervous looks: Frank is losing it. Put down the goddamn school bag. DAY. I Big Joe enters before Frank can continue. CHRIS (shouting) Mom? Do we have any Tylenol? Angie. in the same suit as last night. You’re grounded. Frank slumps at the table. 122 A shaky Chris. you’re not! Nobody leaves this fucking building. you understand? ANGIE What? What’s wrong with you? FRANK (to Chris) And you. . nobody goes out! You both got it? I’m serious. ANGIE In my bathroom. wearing a coat. school bag over his shoulder. Grounded? CHRIS FRANK Nobody comes in. FRANK (CONT’D) About time! Security fixed? BIG JOE Tighter than a nun’s chooch.73. FRANK Angie! The fuck are you wearing a coat? Where’dya think you’re going? ANGIE The hair salon? PETE No. FRANK You watch your mouth in front of my fucking wife and kid! Angie. rifles a shelf.
I killed all the cameras. DAMON (CONT’D) Mindy? Ditch the comic. DAMON AND MINDY’S PLACE. Marcus is whispering into his cellphone. POLICE DEPARTMENT . Just like you said. Frankie. right now? . Better get yourself hid. He hangs up and walks over to the wall with the pyramid of gangster pictures. Damon reaches to the top for Frank’s picture and rips it from the wall.STAIRWELL. 123 INT. FRANK And everybody else? BIG JOE Is out looking for this motherfucker. 124 123 Damon is on his cell. MINDY What. It’s time for Frank D’Amico to go bye-bye. COP Apparently not. MARCUS They’re onto you. 124 INT. Mindy reads a COMIC. Different Superhero. BIG JOE Easy. We intercut between the two men. In a warehouse rinsing a whole bunch of D’Amico’s guys. Now all but the three topmost pictures have red Xs drawn through them.. I’m guessing that was you? DAMON . Gigante just put on a little movie show for us.74. DAY.. bro. You got fifteen men here. cleaning his knife as he talks. You’re safe. Nearby. DAMON I thought they were looking for Kickass? MARCUS Not anymore. DAY. DAMON Appreciate it.
unnoticed.75. we can see Frank lying comatose on his desk. Tool up. But I do know that if we go in there. So fast that we barely see the movement. He’s spooked right now. Mindy leaps up to reveal that she is wearing her utility belt. D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE . ignoring the heavily-guarded elevator and taking the equallyheavily-guarded stairs down to the underground parking lot. hon. 125 . But it’s only been three days. Chris leaves on foot via the parking lot entrance. 125 INT..THUNK . babydoll. honey bunny. Chris. she grabs a THROWING STAR from the belt and skims it across the room. DAMON’S CAR. Damon and Mindy. It catches the picture in mid air and . Mindy baby. CONTINUOUS. Across the street we find. He passes Ginger Goon and salutes him before sneaking out the door. 127 EXT.pins it to the wall. 128 INT. 128 . carrying a PLASTIC BAG. D’AMICO’S APARTMENT BLOCK. CONTINUOUS.HALLWAY. It’d be a gamble. Mindy presses her nose against the glass.. NIGHT. He can’t stay in there forever. MINDY Daddy. we might never come out again. D’AMICO’S APARTMENT BLOCK. 127 Additional goons stand outside.Through the open door to the study. looks in and tiptoes past. DAMON No. CONTINUOUS. parked up and lying low in their car. MINDY What if he can? Then what? DAMON I don’t know. 126 Chris leaves the apartment and makes his way downstairs. I wanna go home. DAMON You bet. MINDY Waaaay ahead of ya. Damon tosses the picture towards her. 126 INT.
Damon hugs her... 129 INT. I really. . I think there’s some messed up shit going on I don’t even wanna know about... CHRIS I thought the same thing after the other night. Done with all this. I’m serious. Mindy thinks a while. I think they’re on our side.. I don’t wanna.. Dave sits in the passenger seat beside Chris. I. you gotta tell me. I think I might know who killed those people at the warehouse.. you know? DAVE Dude. CHRIS How do you mean? DAVE Like. But it’s kind of. Both are in full costume. I can’t say anything. MINDY Well. I’m all in. Addictive? DAVE 129 CHRIS Exactly..76. DAVE Like I said in my mail. In our costumes. CHRIS Kickass.. Maybe we could forget the crime fighting. Just drive around.. THE MIST MOBILE. CHRIS “They”? Like more than one person? DAVE I don’t even wanna talk about it. But it’s major-league shit. Chris is smoking a joint. I think I’m just.. DAMON I’m so proud of you. Get mixed up in it.. NIGHT.
we just see you guys out? DAVE Uh. Chris notices them back. and another car pulls up alongside.G.F. as I’m sure you know.. DAVE What are you doing?! CHRIS Ladies.M. That is a coincidence. Chris climbs into the back seat. climbs onto his lap and whispers in his ear. Dave remains oblivious. Wanna ride in the Mistmobile? BLONDE That’s not all I wanna ride.. driven by two HOT CHICKS. BLONDE O. . Chris elbows him and indicates the girls. Wow. BLONDE So what’s going on? BRUNETTE We fucking love you guys. this is so weird? Me and Jess were just saying last night how superheroes are so fucking horny? And now. Dave waves at her awkwardly. The light changes and Chris pull over. who notice them immediately. The blonde follows him. In the back. DAVE Look man. The girls pull up behind and get out. The BLONDE in the passenger seat rolls down her window. the blonde is down to her bra. At your service. Kickass. Chris follows suit. They pull up at a red light. man. She giggles. whispering to each other. I just can’t. Imagine that. like. BRUNETTE Oh my god. Is it seriously you? CHRIS Red Mist. The BRUNETTE driver cranes for a better look and both giggle. And this is.77. The brunette gets into the driver’s seat.
she silences him with a kiss..78. The girl shrugs and climbs into the back seat with her friend and the now ecstatic Chris instead. I honestly think you’re. BRUNETTE I want you so bad right now. I didn’t know we had to stop yer family gettin’ out. Frank is freaking out. don’t get me wrong. Chris grins. And Dave hurries purposefully away down the street. Dave pulls away from the brunette. knock yourself out.. Meanwhile. I’m really sorry.. Dave pushes the girl off as politely as he can and gets out of the car. Ginger Goon cowers nervously. The blonde leans over to comply. the blonde tries to remove Chris’ mask. What I wanna know is WHERE THE FUCK HE IS! Frank throws an empty BOTTLE of whisky at the goon. GINGER GOON Boss. baby. But. and it shatters against the wall. DAVE I’m.. GINGER GOON Woah.. Dave’s eyes widen. Meanwhile. I was. FRANK I’m AWARE he’s not here. so pretty and everything. CHRIS Uh-uh. Take it easy! FRANK The next fucker who tells me to take it easy dies. FRANK Why are you still here? Just GO FUCKING FIND HIM! 130 . in the front. I’ve got to go.. 130 INT.STUDY. I’m sorry about your son. The mask stays on. and. but all they said is make sure nobody gets in.. (a beat) But the pants. He dodges. NIGHT. Before he can speak.. D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE . I’m sure you’re a lovely girl and.
Frank. DAVE (CONT’D) Shhh! Shhh! It’s just me! Kickass! KATIE Get away from me!! She grabs a bottle of BODY MIST from the dresser and sprays it into his eyes. Frank strikes again with a lethal karate blow to the throat.. Joe doesn’t get up... Frank sits down at his desk. Dave crumples. KATIE’S BEDROOM. as coolly and sexily as he possibly can. The goon rushes to check on Joe. Once in.79. clutching his face.still in his Kickass costume perched on the ledge and struggling to open the sash. grabs a TENNIS RACQUET and lays into him. NIGHT. he leans against the dresser. I’m Kickass. 131 Katie sits at her dressing table in nightclothes. 131 INT. dead. Joe staggers to his feet. outside the window . FRANK What are you? A fucking doctor? And with that. Frank grabs Joe and throws him over his shoulder. DAVE (CONT’D) (louder) Hi! I’m Katie leaps up. You mailed me? Katie carries on brushing her hair. This time. Katie tosses the spray. he’s. he shoots the goon in the head. Her music is playing too loudly for her to hear: Dave. Wrong move. Big Joe walks in at the end of this tirade. GINGER GOON Shit. DAVE Hi. Take it easy.. She hasn’t heard him. brushing her hair. BIG JOE Woah woah woah. DAVE Stop! Please! Katie! I’m not gonna hurt you! I really am Kickass! . screaming hysterically.
You should probably use the window.80. Katie stares at him as he walks towards the door to leave. silencing the music. She pulls back for a big swing at Dave.. DAVE . lovely as you. Shit! DAVE (CONT’D) But Katie gets there first. KATIE I don’t care! Fucking freak in a mask!? Breaking into my house?! At the same time. and if it makes you feel any better.. And I’ve been an idiot. I’ve never met anybody who was as beautiful and kind. KATIE Dave?! What are you doing? Why are you dressed as Kickass? DAVE Because I am Kickass. in disbelief. and I’ve lied to you. It’s me! DAVE (CONT’D) Slowly. they both spot: a BASEBALL BAT. Dave.. Oh. tripping over the cable for her stereo as she does so.. And you deserve better.... really sorry. no! DAVE They both lunge for it. KATIE Yes? DAVE (hopeful) KATIE My mom set the burglar alarm downstairs. Katie. Really. and. and a shit friend. I’m just.. and. And I’m also not gay. No choice: Dave pulls off his mask.. I don’t think you could hate me any more right now than I hate myself. Katie lowers the bat..
You wanna explain what part of “grounded” you found confusing? CHRIS What. And they hug. .. DAWN. Chris. won’t it? We can fix things together.CORRIDOR. Frank opens his arms and Chris walks over. with a little smile. Really? DAVE She nods and sits down on the bed.. 132 Chris grins as he does up his jeans. Sweetly at first. Like when we have a sleepover? She shakes her head slowly. and then with a violent intensity that surprises them both. D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE . can’t suppress a smile. And Frank making Jack Nicholson in The Shining look like Mary Poppins..... He walks over uncertainly.. (a beat) You could just stay. It couldn’t have been more fucking simple to understand. At the study. He sits down beside her and they kiss. He stuffs his costume into the plastic bag as he sneaks back towards his room. FRANK So. 132 INT.. happened?! (noticing Joe) Oh my god. dad.. touched. CHRIS (CONT’D) I think I know how to find this guy. KATIE Or.. He’s just about to climb out when. CHRIS You did this because of me? Frank looks away. Nobody goes out.81. Joe? FRANK Nobody comes in. He turns despondently and starts towards the window. DAVE (CONT’D) Stay. everything will be like. okay again. he glances in to see: two corpses. If we get him.
And they can deliver in three days. I think I found one. You would? DAVE KATIE Definitely. for one. MINDY Daddy. DAMON Ain’t no man in the whole of Manhattan with bigger cojones than you. who do you think would win in a fight? KATIE No idea. Katie sits on Dave’s lap. I. COMIC BOOK STORE. We can’t see Mindy’s. You think? DAVE 134 KATIE Uh-huh. Mindy baby. You know that? But Mindy is engrossed in something on the computer. BOXES. DIAGRAMS and BLUEPRINTS. DAMON AND MINDY’S PLACE.82. TODD Out of Kickass and Red Mist. 133 Damon and Mindy are surrounded by CRATES.. 133 INT. But it’s three hundred thousand bucks. . Kickass is smokin’. DAY. DAY.. Damon looks at her laptop screen in awe. It’s perfect. But Kickass is definitely cuter. Todd and Marty look taken-aback by the newly raunchy Katie. DAMON Can you think of anything else you’d rather spend it on? Mindy giggles. Both have laptops open. Dave sits with Todd and Marty. DAMON (CONT’D) Damn. that’s cool! 134 INT. would definitely fuck his brains out if I got the chance. On Damon’s: links to the CCTV cameras in D’Amico’s building.
Hell yeah. arms around each other.. Todd and Marty exchange confused looks. 137 INT. LIZEWSKI No Katie tonight? DAVE Tomorrow.) Katie worried about me getting hurt.. urgently. DAVE Do you. Jerking off rocked.in the whole wide world that came close to being better than this.absolutely nothing .O. DAY. DAVE’S BEDROOM. uh. up against the wall. And the truth was. fancy checking out that new Kate Hudson movie where she’s a shoe designer who can’t get a guy? I think we can make the next showing if we leave right now. DAVE (V. Dave and his dad are eating dinner together. so I promised her my Kickass days were over. DAVE (V. Wednesdays she does one of her volunteer things. NIGHT.) Comic-books rocked. 136 INT. Dave is halfheartedly playing World of Warcraft.O.. MR. But this.83. KATIE They leave. there was nothing . you know that? Your mom would’ve been so happy to see you out of your shell like this. MR.. Dave and Katie are at it. ALLEYWAY. (MORE) 137 136 135 . 135 INT. NIGHT. LIZEWSKI You seem like a different guy. I hardly missed it at all. DAVE’S HOUSE. And being a superhero owned. then go back to reading their comics. Dave and Katie look at one another hungrily.
I totally swear. Wheeling his bike. . I wish you wouldn’t worry. hops off his bike and puts on his mask as he approaches.. 139 Katie is behind a reception desk in a waiting room crowded with JUNKIES.. Dave can’t control his giant smile. Well. KATIE . DAVE (V. opens the door... DAVE I. too. and no mask. Dave skims through the list of mails without reading any until he sees one from RED MIST.84. Because I.. care about you a lot. 139 DAVE INT.) (CONT'D) I realised I hadn’t even checked the web site for. her face clouding over. The button says: NEW MAIL: 45.Where? What kind of a thing? I thought you were done with that? We now intercut between Katie and Dave. A lot. NEEDLE EXCHANGE.. DAVE’S APARTMENT. KATIE I can’t help it. like. wearing a duffle-coat over his Kickass costume. Dave minimizes the screen and logs on to the KICKASS PAGE.O. NIGHT.. He’s just about to climb on when his cell rings.. DAVE This is the last time. Hey baby. Dave rides up.Care about you. Katie listens intently. WHARFSIDE. 140 EXT. NIGHT. I do. a week. gets into his car and drives away. in full Red Mist costume. In the alley. 140 The Mistmobile is parked in a deserted lay-by near the river. NIGHT.. 138 EXT. the door opens again to reveal: Dave. 138 Mr Lizewski. Seconds later.. in uniform for his shift. (is she gonna say it?) . Chris.
They found out where I live. 141 INT.. They trashed my place. There’s a price on our heads. CHRIS (CONT’D) That’s your plan?! Like they’re gonna go “aw shoot. That guy you mentioned.. MINDY If I didn’t know you better. Daddy. the wild west? CHRIS I’m not messing with you. let’s just forget it then”?! What the fuck!? DAVE Dude. dude. I’d say you were just looking at that thing for the hell of it now. You think he can help? Dave thinks. DAVE A price on our heads? What is this.coat still on. man. Dave slides into the passenger seat .85. and they think we did it. CONTINUOUS. he’s on vacation. Then uses his cell to get the Kickass web page.. I promised my girlfriend I was through with all this. THE MIST MOBILE. 142 Mindy is on her laptop.. And you’ll be next. DAMON AND MINDY’S PLACE. Chris watches as Dave keys in: Kickass is on vacation. The guy you thought did it? You said you figured he was on our side. NIGHT. CHRIS How about us both being fucking dead? That serious enough for ya? Dead how? DAVE 141 CHRIS Like how it turns out those dead guys had some bad mother-fuckers for friends. 142 INT. Calm down. . Sighs. DAVE Serious and urgent had better mean serious and urgent. Damon studies an open packing crate. I’m fucked.
where Mindy sits on the sill of the open window. DAMON (laughing) Just checking it one more time.. in his Big Daddy costume. an ELECTRONIC ALERT sounds.. 145 INT. Looks like he just triggered the emergency protocol you set up. Daddy. Damon looks up. 144 INT. too. You gotta admit. it’s pretty cool. here you are. 144 143 The run-down corridor of a faceless apartment block. NIGHT. Chris looks anxiously over his shoulder and starts the car. 143 INT. a little concerned. NIGHT. Chris and Dave (still wearing his duffle-coat) ring a doorbell. Pleasure to meet you. MINDY . Chris and Damon shake hands. From the laptop. Yep. We’ll meet him there. 145 The door swings open and Dave and Chris step in to be greeted by Damon. She turns back.CORRIDOR. looking out. Chris studies the screen on Dave’s phone. and the boys follow Damon into the main room. DAVE Do you know where that is? CHRIS I’ll put it in the Sat-nav. DAMON Well. Kickass? DAMON (CONT’D) MINDY I think. SAFEHOUSE. And Red Mist. NIGHT. SAFEHOUSE .. (extending his hand) Big Daddy. DAMON Tell him to go to safehouse B. THE MIST MOBILE..86...
87. These guys are going with me. Dave and Chris in tow. cuffed and gagged. and you’re going home with him. And they’re out of the door with Damon. NIGHT. I swear! (to Scary Goon) Let me go with them. Two grab Damon. Mindy hops off the window sill. not Kickass! He’s with me! SPORTY GOON Forget it. I don’t follow orders from no one but your daddy. CHRIS Don’t move. Damon gives an animal howl of horror. out of the window. Seeing Dave in the van. He indicates Scary Goon. 146 EXT. kid. two grab Kickass and within seconds they’re both on the ground. CHRIS I didn’t mean for this to happen. motherfucker. Chris shouts over to him. Nearby. Hit Girl is no more.and she tumbles backwards. (extending her hand) I’m Hit Girl. Dave freezes in shock. She extends her hand but.BAM BAM BAM . 146 The goons bundle Damon and Dave into the back of a VAN. honey. who seizes Chris by the arm. before we even realize what’s happening. I have to tell them not to hurt Kickass! . Obediently. Shit! No! CHRIS The Scary Goon holds him back as the others hustle on ahead. And now Chris holds the gun shakily to Damon’s head. before she can even walk over. distraught. SAFEHOUSE. Chris has pulled a GUN. The door behind them is kicked open and EIGHT GOONS rush in. DAMON Manners. CHRIS (CONT’D) No. MINDY Sorry. Scary Goon pushes a fighting Chris towards a LIMO. He shoots Mindy three times .
Then Sporty slams the van door shut. There is PLASTIC SHEETING on the floor. The former calm.STUDY. 147 EXT. CHRIS We had a deal. NIGHT. The latter sobbing.88. they’re like superheroes. and hanging behind them. We see Dave’s reaction. We had a fucking deal that I’d get you the guy who did it. so we could be SPORTY GOON Just get me some fucking balaclavas! Or anything! Now! BABY GOON Can I still wear mine? 148 INT. All I’m asking is to let Kickass go! He didn’t do anything wrong! 148 . Chris is here. SPORTY GOON The fuck is this? I meant. also on the verge of tears. like balaclavas or something! BABY GOON I just thought these would be fun. NIGHT. Sporty Goon looks at his in disgust. Baby Goon hands out SUPER-VILLAIN MASKS. 147 Damon and Dave are tied to chairs in the eerily charred warehouse. In the scuffle. SCARY GOON Just get in the goddamn car or your dad is gonna hurt both of us! Chris struggles as Scary tries to push him into the backseat of the limo. PENTHOUSE . BURNT-OUT WAREHOUSE. Chris’s mask comes off. Nearby. Fun?! SPORTY GOON BABY GOON You know. In front of them is a DV CAMERA on a tripod. dad.
are gathered around the TV and computers. NIGHT. you gotta look at it my way: I wanna send out a little public service message to warn the people out there that being a superhero is hazardous to your health. FRANK Chris.. Get over it..that the graphic is now on a monitor behind a NEWS ANCHOR. NIGHT. 149 INT.89. internet providers are predicting that it could be the most-widely viewed live event in web history. A large number of COPS. And the big motherfucker? Nobody’s ever heard of him. 149 . but as word-of-mouth continues to spread. And a graphic saying: KICKASS IS RETIRING! HIS FINAL APPEARANCE . ANCHOR . including Marcus and Gigante.. he’s not even a real superhero. Marty.LIVE.It is playing on the TV in the comic store. We pull back from the news studio to find. counting backwards from 5 minutes. Many are logged onto the site on their phones.. 150 . curious.. CHRIS But that’s not fair! FRANK Life’s not fair. He indicates his computer SCREEN.. CHRIS What are you gonna do to them? FRANK Shut up and watch. POLICE DEPARTMENT. On it is a DIGITAL CLOCK. 151 . NIGHT... kid. 151 INT.. 150 INT. We pull back to find. the other kids and store employees are crowded round in rapt anticipation. Todd. TV NEWS STUDIO. COMIC STORE. For all Joe Schmo on the street knows.the exact nature of the broadcast..
a little uneasy. MATHLETE Woah! Cool! The crowd bays at him to shut up. his name is Big Daddy.. COMIC STORE... COMIC STORE. ON THE SCREEN: The countdown reaches zero. 152 INT. looking at the site on a computer. 156 INT. is why trying to be a hero is a bad idea. NIGHT. Kickass and Big Daddy.. kids. 153 INT.) . 153 As one. A few of the girls start crying. captive. 154 INT..S. I think y’all know who this guy is.and those who are logged on to the site are strongly advised... NIGHT. Katie lets out a shriek of pure distress.) .. All in balaclavas except Baby. NIGHT. watched by the waiting junkies.. NEWS ANCHOR (O. who wears the supervillain mask. WAREHOUSE.. As one. The goons. . except those who are nodding out. Nearby a TV runs the news. NEEDLE EXCHANGE. most unable to look away. The goons crowd menacingly around their captives. NIGHT. armed with BATS and BLUNT WEAPONS. The graphic is replaced by a live feed.90. move in. 155 INT. 152 Katie sits behind the reception. the crowd of cops wince. And what Kickass and Big Daddy are gonna demonstrate today. Sporty steps forward and addresses the camera. And this guy here.mean we are unable to continue broadcasting these images. 156 155 154 The kids are glued in stark horror. NEWS ANCHOR (O.S. Marcus reacts in dismay. SPORTY GOON Uh. Some unable to look. NIGHT. POLICE DEPARTMENT. the kids and store employees react in abject shock.
DAVE (V. 157 INT. Katie.STUDY. DAVE (V. breathing unevenly. NIGHT..O. leans over the desk and screams at the junkies. I’ve gotta tell ya: that hurt.) Even with my metal plates and my fucked up nerve endings. Or see what me and Katie’s kids would look like.) . quit being such a smart ass.S. 159 158 Sporty Goon holds up his hand for the others to stop the beating. Todd and Marty. Or find out what happened in Lost. KATIE Please! Someone just turn it off! NEWS ANCHOR (O. Dave and Damon slump forward. Hell dude.O. DAVE (V. 157 Chris gets up in disgust and walks out. Katie..91. My dad. You never seen Sin City? Sunset Boulevard? American Beauty? . WAREHOUSE. Like learn to drive.appears the fantasy story that captured America’s imagination may have what looks to be a tragic ending. and begins to douse them. slamming the door. CHRIS I hate you! 158 INT. NEEDLE EXCHANGE. Sporty produces a ZIPPO and flicks it open. her face streaked with tears and eye-makeup.) But not half as much as the idea of leaving everything behind. 159 INT.O. SPORTY GOON Gentlemen? Time to die. And all the things I’d never do.) (CONT’D) And if you’re reassuring yourself that I’m gonna make it through this since I’m talking to you now. NIGHT. D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE . NIGHT. He produces a can of GASOLINE.
On it is written: FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY. . we can see the goons look to one another in puzzlement. MINDY Show’s over. a black vortex. It explodes into pieces. 162 161 Mindy pulls a gun from her belt and levels it at the camera. Close on Mindy’s eye. At once he’s in flames. BAM. one by one. CALL MARCUS. pulls her costume back down and reaches round to the back of her utility belt. WAREHOUSE.like a small colorful. Mindy runs to Damon and beats out the flames.92. She produces a small package.but very alive . WAREHOUSE ROOF.Kickass. WAREHOUSE. in the corner of the frame.she leaps down from the roof. We hear footsteps as she runs to the light. deadly tornado . The tripod must have been knocked during the fight. She plunges it into her arm. 161 INT. The top of her costume hiked up so she can examine her kevlar vest. 162 INT. NIGHT. She puts on a pair of NIGHT VISION GOGGLES and . She’s taking a few hits. All is black now. ON A COMPUTER SCREEN: The dark image of the room lights up. but she appears to be utterly oblivious to them. a shocked . She shrugs. She tears it open. The zippo lighter touches Damon. We pull back to find: Mindy. A small hand hits a light switch. 160 EXT. sure. Hit Girl is all over them. She pulls out a piece of PAPER that reads: IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO ME. motherfuckers. she slices and dices the hoods into submission. alight. 212 555 7407 Then she pulls out: a syringe. And everything goes black. Seconds later. CONTINUOUS. so what we see now is several dead goons and. 160 Close on THREE BULLET HOLES. Last man down. We cut between her night-vision POV and the eerily beautiful darkness illuminated by her burning father as. A little finger pokes them. CONTINUOUS. Her pupil dilates. Dimly lit by the screaming Damon.
DAMON So proud of you.S. baby.exactly what happened. 167 INT. Sleep tight. WAREHOUSE. 166 INT. 165 INT. but it would seem that Kickass. I can’t drive. NIGHT. MINDY (CONT’D) Let’s get the hell outta here. But as her steps slow and her face falls. In sharp contrast to the junkies. I love you. Frank stares at the TV. NIGHT.. Dave has removed his mask. 163 INT.STUDY. D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE . And we’re right: we need no medical degree to make a grim prognosis for the thoroughly fried Damon. NEWS ANCHOR (O. The store erupts in celebration. POLICE DEPARTMENT. MINDY I love you too Daddy. . Her face set in a brave show of stoicism. NIGHT. NIGHT. Gigante and Marcus both look shaky.. NEEDLE EXCHANGE. 168 EXT. 168 Mindy and Dave arrive at the car. is alive.. And he’s gone.93. catatonic with incredulity.. Mindy runs to Damon. He closes his eyes. the image goes BLACK. Mindy plants a gentle kiss on one of them. who continue to stare impassively. 167 Blinking in the light. NIGHT. DAVE I. NIGHT. His eyelids are the only things that aren’t burned.) . at least. 166 165 164 163 Katie reacts with near-hysterical relief. On several dozen phone screens. Mindy moves briskly to the traumatised Dave and unties him. What the hell just happened? 164 INT. Confusion and noise. DAMON’S CAR. COMIC BOOK STORE. we surmise that the sight greeting her isn’t good.
. my dad wouldn’t be. DAVE What’s your name? I mean. 170 . Mindy can barely see over the wheel. I’d be dead. MINDY I can.And I owe it to him to look after you. battered and shell-shocked. NIGHT..94. It’s over. what about money? You’ve got to think long-term MINDY I’ve got three million dollars in a fucking suitcase! That long-term enough for ya? Just leave me alone. DAVE (a painful beat) . 169 The two drive through Manhattan.. The door opens into the dark. Get in. I owe you. DAMON AND MINDY’S PLACE. 170 INT. or? MINDY Fuck you! I can take care of myself. I saved your sorry ass! DAVE But I mean. you can’t. He wouldn’t have wanted you to be on your own. DAVE Look. NIGHT. Is there anybody else? Any other family. If it wasn’t for you. MINDY A superhero never reveals his true identity. Mindy hits the light. DAVE I’m not going anywhere ‘til i know you’re okay. 169 INT.. DAMON’S CAR. MINDY And if it wasn’t for you... your real name. However you lived before.
DAVE Woah. like pyjamas and stuff. DAVE Frank D’Amico? MINDY You know him? DAVE I know who he is. They both stare at it. You can’t. I need to clean up? 171 INT. You can try and stop me. I meant. Mindy begins to tool up. Picture of Frank. NIGHT. I’ll figure out something to tell my dad when he gets back from his night shift. Dave rinses the blood from his face and hair. okay? DAVE Ok.. awkward moment. 172 INT.. I’ll do it later. holding MARCUS’S NUMBER.BATHROOM. pack up whatever you need. The first thing they see.. Or live. is the Hit Girl and Big Daddy picture that Damon did for Mindy’s birthday. Dave looks around. pinned to the wall. pinned to the wall by a shuriken. sharpening KNIVES with a WATER STONE. MINDY Not now. . And we’ll go to my place. And clothes. and shoving additional WEAPONS into an OVERNIGHT BAG. Blueprints and plans. And that’s what I’m gonna do. DAVE We should call this number your dad gave you. DAMON AND MINDY’S PLACE . breaks the silence. DAMON AND MINDY’S PLACE. Dave. 172 171 Like a tiny Rambo. MINDY You know what my dad would have wanted? He would have wanted me to finish what we started.95. NIGHT. CCTV feeds on the laptop. It’s grimy. Look. Your choice. A sad. We intercut between her and Dave’s clean up until finally Dave walks out of the bathroom to find Mindy fully tooled up. weighing up RIFLES and HANDGUNS..
Mindy continues to assemble a gun. (MORE) . Bought-off the cops. He looks at both. DAVE That what I think it is? MINDY Damn straight. I’m not gonna let my dad die for nothing too. DAVE This is his place? All this security? I don’t even see MINDY Let him go. Then D’Amico started up his little business enterprise. DAVE You can’t do this on your own. But nothing will. It’s suicide. the whole thing starts up again.. Better start reading the instructions. Mindy opens the big crate. Dave squints at the CCTV footage on the laptop. New supplies.96. then looks over at the plans again. MINDY Exactly. He shakes his head at her sadly. DAVE I know. Even if there were ten of you MINDY My mom already died for nothing. Dave picks up his duffle coat and his mask. All our hard work.. wasted. DAVE I’d do anything to bring your dad back. New guys. Armed the gangs. You wanna deal with owing my dad? Then shut the fuck up and pick your weapon. Then he puts on his coat and shoves the mask in the pocket. cos you’re gonna be using it in about five minutes. And if I. Flooded the street with cheap drugs. but this plan of yours. MINDY My dad said Jersey City used to be a real nice safe place to raise a family. Anything. Dave gapes at its contents. if I could.
The camera tracks in to the laptop showing the CC TV feed. .The bodyguard .LIVINGROOM. No mask. Dave pulls on his mask. We pull out again and find. gazing out towards the Manhattan skyline. look confused as Mindy innocent in her street clothes . (a beat) With no power comes no responsibility. DAVE (CONT'D) There are people back home who. Hit Girl. MINDY Some fucking superhero. She watches him go. D’AMICO’S APARTMENT BLOCK -LOBBY. crying..O.the one we first saw with Chris at the comic store . NIGHT.) Had I ever been a real superhero? The most I’d ever had to offer the world was good intentions and a slightly elevated capacity to take a kicking. the screens go DEAD. 174 Posh Goon and ANOTHER GOON.. I can’t do this. But no duffle-coat either. ROOF TOP.97... NIGHT. He shrugs helplessly. 173 . He reacts.watching the same images on D’Amico’s monitors. on guard. nothing he can say. NIGHT. I’m so sorry. Another hood steps forward and offers his cell.. POSH GOON Hey? What’s the matter? MINDY I lost my mommy and daddy.. (another) Except. What the fuck?! 174 INT. ANOTHER GOON You wanna use the phone? You know your phone number? 175 EXT.. that wasn’t true.. Suddenly. And he starts to run. 173 INT.stumbles in. 175 Dave stands on a rooftop. D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE . DAVE (V.
He’s flying.then jams. NIGHT. Dave swoops upwards. 177 Mindy . and this time. The eighth looks behind him in dismay as he keeps running towards Mindy. She doesn’t move. neatly decapitating a seventh. Ready to play. Faster and faster. D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE . He jumps.. We intercut between her fight and Dave’s flight. NIGHT. She boots him out of the way and the door shuts. NIGHT.. Dave begins to lose momentum. 179 EXT. .. but with jaw-dropping precision. Swooping up the side of the building. From the streets and windows people gawp in delight. A MACHETE spins down the length of the corridor. NIGHT.. taking down six hoods in quick succession.still in her street clothes . When he turns back. D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE . 176 INT.98. he doesn’t stop. employs the contents of her utility belt. Towards the edge of the building. D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE . But EIGHT MORE rush down the corridor towards Mindy.Until the JET PACK on his back kicks in. The elevator doors slide open to reveal: Mindy in her Hit Girl costume and utility belt. D’AMICO’S APARTMENT BLOCK.ELEVATOR. 178 INT. NIGHT. Dave is here. 177 INT. Over the water. Thwack. 176 Mindy unleashes hell as she wastes the goons in the lobby.. The door closes . He reaches the edge. Mindy is right there in front of him. THROWING STARS. It’s beautiful.HALLWAY.LOBBY. KNIVES and GRENADES whistle through the air. There is no way he’s going to make it to the next rooftop. . 180 INT. D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE . a small CROSSBOW to his forehead. He starts to drop. Across New York. She looks down to see that it is blocked by the body of Posh Goon.HALLWAY. to discover that he’s now alone.. 180 179 178 The TWO GOONS guarding either side of the elevator are down. no way anyone could make this jump. Dave soars.pushes the button for the penthouse and catches her breath. She grins and delicately lets it go.
there’s an almighty smash from behind them as the GLASS CONSERVATORY leading to the roof terrace explodes in a shower of glass to reveal: Dave coming in to land. She kicks it open. MINDY Gimme the guns? DAVE We’re out of bullets! MINDY (sniggering) Rounds. . MINDY (CONT’D) You called the cops. Ok. Mindy turns her back on Angie and runs on to the next door. cowering in a corner. We see Angie. But he keeps shooting. Only one to go. The motherlode. kicks it in. They open fire. The recoil sends him tumbling onto his back on the terrace. She’s leaping around. and YET MORE GOONS are down. but before he can shoot. D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE. CONTINUOUS. 181 INT. we hear SIRENS.. but two remain . but he’s out of ammo. Mindy’s smile lights up. Mindy reaches the first door.99. DAVE I called the number. It’s a bedroom. Mindy takes a step in when. until she trips and falls. Dave throws down the nowuseless guns and follows her. opening fire with a machine gun in each hand. He MINDY He is the fucking cops.. outside. absorbing the hits in her bulletproof vest. Scary Goon aims at her head. Dave racing to catch up.. In a hurry now.Scary Goon. anyway. Dave smiles back.. and the Bodyguard. SCARY GOON In the head! She’s wearing a fucking vest! The bodyguard raises his gun. also armed. She runs towards the corridor. It’s Frank’s study. The bodyguard and Scary have barely had a chance to turn and register before they get it in the back and go down cold. Told him to meet us. Your dad’s friend. Her face falls. Mindy limps over. 181 Mindy’s inside the apartment now.
. you CHRIS How do you know my name?! Before Dave can answer.. Dave moves to help. she regains the upperhand with breath-taking aplomb and sends Frank crashing through the window. MINDY You are so dead. Chris. D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE . Dave catches up just in time to see Mindy fly at him. MINDY So am I. armed. but finds himself held back by: Chris. you don’t have to be like your Dad. forcing him into an arm-lock. Frank and Dave vs. This could go either way. the second essentially a messy scrap between two frightened kids in superhero costumes. MINDY Enough with the touchy-feely bullshit already. however. and you fucking shot me! DAVE Chris. Chris stops fighting and howls in horror. I’m just a kid. Now we have two fights going on . Just as it looks like Mindy is a goner. wait please. Please don’t hurt me. though without the mask. Behind Dave. Dave watches. 182 INT. MINDY (CONT’D) (to Chris) Your turn. as Frank stands in the middle of the trashed study and stares at Mindy. With his martial arts skills. CHRIS No. but THE COPS. .STUDY. crashing in towards them. A sizeable team of them. DAVE No! Wait! Don’t! It’s not this that stops her. Mindy has a knife to Chris’s throat. I never. CONTINUOUS. 182 A beat. The former a spectacular display of fighting prowess.100.Mindy vs. Frank is an alarmingly even match for Mindy. You have a choice. Still in his Red Mist costume. you cocksucker. frozen. down 70 storeys to his death.
Dave and Mindy land on the roof of Mindy’s building. MARCUS (CONT’D) Hope Frank D’Amico paid you well. Suddenly a shout from behind him: MARCUS (O. Before anyone has a second to react. NIGHT. You’re gonna be needing one fine-ass lawyer. goes for a STUN GRENADE in her belt. 184 . FIRST COP Freeze! Police! Chris and Dave put their hands up immediately. MARCUS Oh this is nice.) Hold your fire! It’s Marcus. incandescent with anger. 183 Mindy helps Dave into the jet pack and puts her arms round him. Mindy. it’s landed by the cops and gone off. He smiles as he watches them disappear over the horizon like Superman and a very tiny Lois Lane. 183 EXT. What? GIGANTE MARCUS Just found this on D’Amico’s desk. You look awesome. DAWN. Gigante. Finally he turns to go inside. He knows it’s over. Isn’t this a great shot. They run. the two take off. Just as the cops get to the terrace. Gigante reels. the smile still on his face. 184 EXT. GIGANTE You’ll go down for that. In the fog and confusion.S. D’AMICO’S ROOF TERRACE. Mindy grabs Dave’s hand. to find: Gigante. ROOFTOP. Marcus grins and produces a framed photograph.101. who react in delighted shock. One cop takes aim at them. He admires it. guys? Marcus shows the picture around to the assembled cops. Williams! Your ass is going straight to tribunal! I’ll see to it myself. however.
MINDY I know that. MINDY (CONT’D) Mindy Macready. BIG MEAN BOY Hey. 185 Mr. waving. As Dave begins to walk. HIGH SCHOOL. DAVE (V. When we cut back to Mindy. Dave climbs out and waves goodbye to him. O. Mindy.O.102. Lunch money. Marcus hugs her and she hops out and runs over to Dave. too. Now. she’s once more trotting happily towards Dave. DAY. and they shake hands. My name is Dave Lizewski. he turns around to see ANOTHER CAR pull up. Marty and Todd are sitting in the sunshine.first school she’d ever been to . Then Mindy pulls off her mask.) Not that she needed me to.on the promise that I’d look out for her. Lizewski’s car pulls up outside the school. Mindy checking out the comics. DAVE Dave. New kid. a BIG MEAN BOY and his THREE CRONIES block Mindy’s path. DAVE (V. MINDY Thanks.O. My dad would have been proud of both of us. A long pause. 185 EXT. Kickass. Dave and Mindy join them. She holds out her hand. Driven by Marcus.) Mindy moved in with Marcus and he enrolled her at my school .) (CONT’D) The guys never knew about what happened.S. as if nothing has happened. In the passenger seat. dumbass. We cut to Dave’s concerned face. And Katie? (MORE) . It’s over. reading comics. Before she reaches him. there’s a scream. DAVE (V.O. In the background a CONCERNED CROWD has formed a circle around whatever carnage Mindy left. He holds out his hand. however. Dave pulls his mask off meaningfully.
O.O. Katie and the boy sit down with the group. Here’s the Armenian Guy from the beginning. peering into a parked car at the entrance to the school.103. We pull back further and see: the streets around the school are patrolled by various other SUPERHEROES. across the water..) . We pull back a little to see: the two gang kids from earlier. climbing up the fire escape of a building. besides being deeply relieved that my superhero days were over. Katie was the same as ever. They nod at her shiftily and amble away. We pull back further still. Dave and Mindy all wave their greetings. in his winged suit. this is Phil. We’ve never seen him so contented. ‘til the superheroes are just brightly colored dots on the streets.O.) (CONT’D) People said I’d been the inspiration for the others. And the world was coming out. Now it was open.) (CONT’D) All I did was make a door into a world I’d dreamed about since I was a little kid. DAVE (V. . And I liked what I saw. From the other direction. DAVE (V. DAVE (V. we see Katie walking over with Erika and a slightly chubby. DAVE (V. We pull upwards now. KATIE Hey everybody. In the foreground. But I saw it differently. Leaping across the rooftops. Walking the streets. There are SUPERHEROES everywhere. FLAMBOYANTLY-DRESSED GUY. TWO LABORERS walk past carrying the metal detector archway away from the school. Dave rests his head on Katie’s shoulder. Running across the cars in a traffic jam. DAVE (V. Marty.O.And I loved her for it. Phil.) (CONT’D) Well. DAVE (V.) (CONT’D) That’s how it looked to me.. further and further back. He’s new.) (CONT’D) But the world around us was changing. Todd. this is everybody. to Manhattan.O.O. A FOXY WOMAN IN A SUPERHERO COSTUME walks towards them.
FADE TO WHITE. DAY. admiring his reflection in the glass-topped table. The study has been restored and redecorated. Clearly a super-hero no more.. He slips on an evil-looking mask. 187 END 187 186 . wearing a new.STUDY. D’AMICO’S PENTHOUSE . CHRIS A world full of superheroes. more menacing costume.104. and there’s someone sitting here with his back to us. The camera tracks round and we see: Chris. 186 INT. now a super-villain.. A crazy look in his eyes. Just as we think it’s all over. the camera pushes through a window into. huh? As a great man once said: “wait ‘til they get a load of me”. He turns to stare down onto the street.