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Even if you’ve heard them before they’re still great for a(nother) laugh!
Alan." The next day the duck goes in the shop again and asks: "Have you got any nails?" "No.SOME OF MY FAVOURITE JOKES A duck goes into a grocery shop and asks: "Have you got any matches?" The grocer says: "No. she should like it that you like sports." says the duck. If you come in here one more time and say that. Like. "Got any matches?" ……………………………………………. The fourth time the duck asks. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (Written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. and every time the grocer says the same. . and she should keep the chips and dip coming. the owner says: "Look. I'm going to nail your beak to the counter." the grocer replies. if you like sports. "OK. age 10 ." The duck goes back three times.
. Freddie. age 8 . . based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. age 10 No age is good to get married at.Derrick. .No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. You got to be a fool to get married.Kristen. age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. God decides it all way before. age 6 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess.Camille.
age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Dates are for having fun. age 8 On the first date. they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.Lynnette.Lori. age 9 . .Martin. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. age 10 WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? I'd run home and play dead. and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. . Craig. .WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids.
Pam. then you should marry them and have kids with them. .Curt. . so I wouldn't want to mess with that.Ricky. wouldn't there? .Howard. age 7 The law says you have to be eighteen.Anita. . age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. It's the right thing to do. Boys need someone to clean up after them.WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? When they're rich. age 7 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone. . age 9 HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain. age 8 .
It's always darkest before .Kelvin.HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty. These were their responses: 1.. . 3. until they stop running. wasp is close. Daylight Saving Time. age 10 ****************** CHILDREN'S PROVERBS (Don’t know how true this is but hilarious anyway!) A Primary School teacher had twenty-six children in her class. Strike while the Don't change horses 2. even if she looks like a truck. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a wellknown proverb and asked them to come up with second part of the proverb.
impossible A miss is as good as a 8.4. An idle mind is the best way to relax. Love all. No news is Don't bite the hand that 7. Mr. Never underestimate the power of 5. You can't teach an old dog new Maths 10. . 13. looks dirty. How? You can lead a horse to water but 6. trust me. If you lie down with dogs. The pen is mightier than the pigs. termites. 11. 9. 12. you'll stink in the morning.
14. A penny saved is not much. 22. Don't put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed. 15. 19. 21. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. 20. 23. Where there's smoke there's pollution. 18. There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder . If at first you don't succeed get new batteries. You get out of something only what you See in the picture on the box. 17. Two's company. Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded. 16. cry and You have to blow your nose. Happy the bride who gets all the presents. . three's the Musketeers.
But as the labour progressed. Better late than Pregnant. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters. . Upon their arrival. explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. 26. He asked if they were interested. …………………………………………… LABOUR PAINS A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. both said they were very much in favour of it. When the blind lead the blind get out of the way.24. 25. the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the baby's father. A bird in the hand is going to poop on you.
the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably. and the husband had experienced none. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. When they got home they found the postman dead on the porch. ……………………………………………………… .The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. She and her husband were ecstatic. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. The husband was still feeling fine.
As they are walking home the first man says. 'Could be worse. I think my girl was dead!' 'Dead?' says his friend. I think mine was a witch. After a few drinks.' 'A witch ??. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager. .LAST CHANCE SALOON Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. . 'You know. These two are so old and drunk. I’m not wasting two of my girls on them. then she farted and flew out the window.' .. 'why do you say that?” ''Well.' The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business. taking my teeth with her. 'Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her..' His friend says. they end up at the local brothel. Why the hell would you say that?' 'Well. I was making love to her. and I gave her a little bite. they won't know the difference. kissing her on the neck.
and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. SEXUAL HEALING Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. he throws a white powder into a flame.GENEALOGY A little girl asked her mother. 'How did the human race appear?' The mother answered. who tries a few things but nothing seems to work.' Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.' The confused girl returned to her mother and said. 'Well. The father answered. The medicine man says. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his”. it is very simple. and Dad said they developed from monkeys?' The mother answered. 'I can cure this. 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made. ‘Mom how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God. . dear.' That said. 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved. He finally goes to his doctor.
'123. That night he is ready to surprise Joyce. Joyce. turns over and asks.Then he says. But be warned--it will not work again for another year!' Harry rushes home. 'What happens when it's over.. and puts on his most exotic aftershave. and lying next to her says. eager to try out his new powers and prowess. He showers. and I don't want to continue?' The medicine man replies: 'All you or your partner has to say is 1234.' He suddenly becomes more aroused than anytime in his life . just as the medicine man had promised. 'This is powerful medicine. 'What did you say 123 for?' . who had been facing away. You can only use it once a year. He gets into bed. and it will go down. shaves. All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!' The guy then asks..
"I can remember my first day at Nursery School!" Not to be outdone." . the third guy says. I can remember going to the senior prom with my father.WHO HAS THE BEST MEMORY? Three guys are debating who has the best memory. "I can remember the first day of my First Grade class. First guy says. and coming home with my mother." Second guy says. "Hell. that's nothing.