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140·Cl'lv ilC·'.11i II. a stYle guide,fof the short form.

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MOST OF TIlE PERIPHERAL

Jesus' birthday stuff that g.. ts. trot. ~e. e d out at Christmas comes from The Gospels according to Matthew and Luke, .the first. two of the four big ones from the New Testament ..

The Star of Bethlehem and the three magi with their gold, frankince.n.se and myrrh come from Matthew 2, and the hit with the shepherds and angels come from Luke 2, as does the whole manger routine. But there's one bit that gets understandably -left out oftlie "for general. consumption" Christmas story.. It's also from Matthew 2, and it's most commonly referr~d to by the not p arttcularly Chnstmassy n "The Massacre of the Innocents ". See, I-Ierod, who was the King of the Jews at the time, was a bit upset

by the prophecy that there would come a new king to replace him, so when the magi came to to ask for help finding the new king that the Star had revealed to have been born, he consulted his prophets and seers, who told rum tliat it would happen in Bethlehem.

him.

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So he sent the m~gi to Bethlehem to search for this new king and asked them to let him know when they found him, so that he could come and pay his respects (cue evil twist of moustache). But after .the ffi. ag.i found ]es,:!s an angel appeared to them. m their dreams and told them that Herod rwas planning to kill the new king, so they went back home a different way and never told Herod nothing.

Eventually Herod twigged tha.t .the was hidden in the bullrushes, .as magi had stuffed. him around, so well as havingJesus come to Judea he came up with Plan B, which was out of Egypt, just like Moses led ~o.orde~ tbe.· de.ath of every .child the children of Israel out of Egypt, In Bethlehem. two years old and makes Jesus' story a sympathetic younger (which matched the stories and familiar one. the magi had told him about when the star had appeared in the sky). It (The author of Matthew does a helps to be diorough, right? lot more to fit Jesus into Jewish prophecies about the Messiah, Of course Jesus wasn't among the including the ~ntIre~ of Matthew slaug..h ..rered in fa.nts, because. an I, which 'establishes] esus I daddy as angel ti (m. arbe. _.the same.· ~. .e th.at.. a direct descendant of King David H had tipped off the magi, maybe himself) a different one; hard to tell) had told Joseph and Mary about the It's a pretty brutal story, and there's impending slaughter. and had sent no surprises why it's generally them off to hide in Egypt. not brought up around the 25th of December .. 1t also begs some It's thought that this part of the questions, like - for example - why story was Included In Matthew's didn't the. angel. tell anyone else about the impending massacre? gospel to._draw parallels .. etween b Jesus and Moses, because Matthew - or whoever the author of Matthew But that kind of question is just was (nor everyone's convinced it being punchy for punchiness's sake. w.· a.ctuaIly ritten byThe Apostle You might as well ask why Jesus as ..,w. Matthew himself) - was pitching had to die on the cross or why God his story at Jewish people .. lets bad things happen. Having Jesus escape death as a baby, Just like Moses did when he The short answer: it makes for a better story. The longer answer

"I've said it before and I'll say it again: Life moves pretty fast ..If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. I"

A Hymn 'for Martyrs sweetly s·ng
(as read by The Vene-f,-a-b-le--B-ed-e....t:.,,--------_
A Hymn for Martyrs sweetly sinq; For Innocents your praises brinq: Of whom in tears was earth bereaved, Whom heaven with songs of joy received; Whose Angels see the Father's face Worilidwithout end, and hymn His grace; And, while they praise their gllorious Kingl, A hymn for Martyrs sweetliy sing. A voice from Ramah was there sent, A voice of weeping and lament, Wh:ile Rachel mourned h,erchildren sore, Whom for the tyrant's sword she bore. After brieftaste of earthly woe Eternal triumph now they know; For whom, by cruel torments rent, A voice from Ramaih was there sent And every tear is wiped away By your dear Father's hands for aye: Death hath no power to hurt you more; Your own lis life's eternal shore. And all who, :good seed bearing, weep, In everlasting joy shall reap, What time they shine in heavenly day, And every tear i:swiped away..

Traditional Childermas celebrations include serving red foods in memory of the blood- spilled on the day, like d ess,~rts with ra ... ..spber.. y saue.e., r and. ~et. tmg your. k~ds make the And in the broader CDn text of decisions about the day's meals and Christianity; t~ose poor slaughtered entertainment. babies haven t been forgotten. They're celebrated by some as the At our place, such celebrations very, first Christian martyrs (sorry would result in pancakes .and honey Stephen), they get their own feast on toast for breakfast, gingerbread day? and. som,e lovely hymns are men. cupcakes and dim:-sims for dedicated to them too. lunch and tea, and Paddzngton and uptain,Mack marathons alternating The Feast of the l-Ioly Innocents, WI th tr.l.ps. o the park to· _go. p the t .. u Childermas or Innocents' Day slide the wrong way while dressed - whichever you prefer - comes as a pirate or a robot, perched on the 28th or zoth of December piggyback atop their dear old dad.

has to do with creating a point of empathy for people who had lost a baby; which was a very common ~xpenence for most people back tn,the early Anno Domine, and which continued to be such until contemporary times.

depending on whether you're with the Western or Eastern churches.

Zline reviews? You want zine reviews? Have some zine reviiews!'
Science NlOW- I have a dilettante's interest in science and the scientific method, but I struggle to maintain concentration through even one article in New Scientist, let alone an entire popular science book Of an actual scientific paper~ Aidan to the rescue, then. His (her?) conversational summaries of 6 random studies (baboon parenting, sperm,. genetic precursors of obesity; pigments in mud, magnetic.artificia! l~earts .and using .fish ~ggs' to detect pollution) ~re short enough to read In one sitting without getting distracted ..They re laced with humour that complements their strangeness while allowing the wonder to shine through. IHighly Recommended (Aidan Vtzran - aidan. varan@gmailcom)
., _......

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People Ca!llled Pablo (Part 1.) - Teeny-tiny A6-1andcape-format zine hand-written and drawn on graph paper. A short, simple noIW,he"",e... " where story about a new baby called Pablo, who arrived early (which '+he:.. fy•. ,""~ r(~~5~' is better than late), who is quietand collected (which is better than "lpeze noisy) and who grows up to join the circus ..Judging from the name of the author .and the loving way inw~ich Pablo is .described,what we have here IS a homemade pocket-sized book wntten by an aunt for her new n.e_p~ewon the ()ccasion of ~is birtht wishing him all t~e happiness in the world. Aw. HIghlly Recommended (Tia Mandita -.no contactdetails)

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Things were not going well aboard the Soyuz.

possessives from the phe + S combination when indicating the names of historical the one about the possessive for any and/or mythical . This use of italics for the ~ingular name ending individuals. In CffS"I. For example, names of newspapers means that Jesus', and the one about the whereas most people Moses', Isis' and use of apostrophes for will write "an apolow Osiris' names have names ending in "s''. their own special little about Ms. JacKsons daughter':' and "Mrs. corner of the rules of Technically you aren't Jones'thing that she supposed ·to italicise and I have got going usage to themselves. (or capitalise) the word on", the first instance nthe'" in news:Qaper is correct, but the Just to add a layer Of. perversIty,. I should names, Instead of second instance is come clean and admit ~F.. being, n The Age ", not. that ..I'm gen~ra11y. in Th. e .;Syaney Morn,zngHerald" or "Tbe The second instance Tarnagulla Enquirer", should actually read italics rule because it's supnosed to .be "Mrs .. Jones's .. thing of its arbitrary. and lf n the4ge ' , "the Sydney' that she yo rn lng-Herald' , and got going and I have b~~isi'mi~~ci~ioili~ on". "the Yachandandab habit of enforcing the Post-Disp.atcb" . The rule is that the historio-rnyth ic alsingular-p 0 sse ss iveway ~he. singular There's one exception a.p0stro.lpli..· rule b. e. .. e t. 0 this .. ...lIe,. though .. posses~lve IS written r u.: reflect the cause the tweakiness The Tzmes. For should way it is pronounced. of its arbitrary nature whatever elitist, Since 'Jones's" ends amuses me. Anglophile, sn~bbis? reason, Tbe Tzmes IS in the II zoz" sound, Which should make not simply the." ~n the sole nt:wsp'!per it clear that - in my for whom an italicised sound, ..the way rt IS book at least (pun .. ell . .... ..... La ... italis T (and capit rsed)" '1."'h. e " spe d should m rch intended) - editing is afforded. Bully for by using two s-es, isn't so much about them. championing correct There is an exception to this rule· too: usage .'. as it is., about It's also a common . lmposIng one sown error for people to the .s-apostrDphe-s worldview combination is not personal onlyu.• e an apostrophe s on others. used when creating and not an apostroTWO FAVOURITE RULES OF USAGE are
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Of course only the apostrophe is required for plural possessives ending in s (though C h. . & t hen thI te . S, as lor ,. s...eep," "f· ·h" 11women n ,e, lIS. ..en t apostrop h.e + s combination is required).

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'TIHING!S TIHAT' II KNOW NOTHIIN!G AIBOU'T':
Lost
They were on an island, right? With polar bears and sentient smoke? And they aU turned out to be dead?
ILady Gaga

She did something with Beyonce I think. Is she techno?
'iinterest rates I know they're going up. We get letters about it every six weeks at themoment, I think its seven-paint-something right now..

The Wor'ldCup Soccer" right? And Australia lost? The gum, trees in our yard I bought a book so I could identify them, but it's still in the glovebox .. Glee Judging by the ads they do. bad covers of '80s songs. Olivia Newton-John was in one episode. Tying knots I only know one kind - two. if you count shoelaces - but I don't know what it's called. One of these days I've got to get a book out. Or ask Anna to show me some.

"I mean, you know, people hold onto
these images: father, mother, husband, wife, again for the same reason: 'cause they seem to provide some firrnground, But there's no. wife there. What does that mean, a wife? A husband? A SGn? A baby holds your hands and then suddenly there's this huge man lifting you off the ground, and then he's gone. Where's that son?"

CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE DEPT: Fonts used here are Hoefler Text for that excellent old-school Penguin books feel, and aughties, the official Guru Adrian (remember him?) font. Also Arial. And Helvetica. Jutchy Ya Ya#41 was s low 1 y cranked out in infinitesimal steps between 12 November 2009 and July 2010 on the Bendigo line between Casrlemaine and Southern Cross Station, on the # 75,112,48, City Circle and 70 trams between Southern Cross Station and Spring Street, in the Chewron Junkalow (aka JYY HQ)., at the kitchen table and 011 the Ioungeroom~ollch. in front of The~st ,!Wing, Spicks & Specks, .The Gruen TranSfer, Dr: Who, that show by Adam Zwar I forget the name of and
lVCIS ..

Massacre of the Innocents by Peter Paul Rubens (ron). Screenshots of Matthew Broderick and Andre Gregory from Ferris Bueller's Day Off (paramount Pictures, 1986) and My Dinner with Andre (Saga Productions Inc.n--he Andre Company, 1981) . Thanks to Anna for the pointers re: the psychosocial resonance of the Massacre of the Innocents .. Postal love should be sent to PO Box 99, Chewton, Vic, Australia, 3451. email loveshouldbesenttoadamford@labyrinth.net.au. ictures of monkeys punching dinosaurs should be sent to http:// monkeypunchdmosaur.blogspot.com.
p.

You can also go crazy with that internet love and punch http:// theotheradamford.wordpress.com into your browsers for more writey webby ziney stuff, including back-issues and electronic versions of this hyar zeen. Acknowledgement and respect to the Traditional Custodians of the Jaara Jaara and the Wurundjeri peoples) on whose lands this zine was made..

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