Ismael P. Magadan, Jr. University of San Carlos October 09, 2010

As I reflected on the theme of Heidegger’s philosophy, I was taken back to the time in my life where I could hardly articulate a reason for being.

It has been two years now since I quitted my seminary study. It was not easy for me to stop, because I was fully aware of the terrible disappointments I might cause to my parents, to some of my relatives, to some friends, to some parishioners, and especially to my benefactor. They had high expectation from me.

Every time I am asked of the reason of my going out, I am dumbfounded. Deep inside me, I somehow know that reason. But it slips away from any articulation. In trying to explain to others, it seems that every reasoning out is inadequate, sometimes, even very absurd. Not to disappoint them more with ambiguity, I had to give to them my reason. And it appears to me that “the selfsame power that brought me in brought me out.” But again, this power slips away from any articulation.

Perhaps, Heidegger is right: “The struggle to mould something into language is like the resistance of the towering firs against the storm.” 1 Being cannot be conceptualized; it cannot be fully grasped by the framework of words, though “language is the house of Being.” Perhaps, this is the reason why I can hardly do it; perhaps, Being appears to me in a way different from theirs; perhaps, my going out of the seminary is my response to Being which shows itself from itself.

I remember a line from the poem, The Rhodora, “If eyes were made for seeing / Then, Beauty is its own excuse for Being.” As I grasped it, phenomenon unveils itself in a manner so uniquely and even peculiar to the one to whom it unconceals itself. Heidegger says, “Let what shows itself be seen from itself just as it shows itself in itself.” I understand this as a deconstruction of human criteria. There is only one criterion; and that criterion is Being. And the unconcealment of Being, aletheia, always involves one’s existence - my existence.

So I shall not trouble myself anymore with the reason for being, with the reason of my going out of the seminary. If somebody asks me again, I think the best thing for me to do is to hang

“Why Do I Stay in the Province?” New York, USA: Continuum, 2003. p16.

And I just cannot live this life creeping under their criterion. And I should always thank Being for being.the question unanswered. but I cannot help it. I only have one life. . I am certain that when that day comes. it must be a very remarkable day for me. my life. If I do so. Yes! Some might be in the state of disappointment still. The existence of the-they should not define my potentialities for being. make them understand. Of course. and comfort them on my behalf. I don’t desire such kind of waste. I will cease to be me and will live an inauthentic existence. Maybe someday Being will speak to them.

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