A little wit of heaven

Making the band—popular
X X X
Aqua Teen Hunger
Force’s mc chris talks
to Jayplay writer
Robert Perkins on
page 13 about Star
Wars and his upcom-
ing performance at
the Bottleneck on
March 8.
Vol.2 Issue 22 03.03.05
8
10
12
Jayplay
Jayplay
cellent rated perience
Inside
Cover photo illustration:
Ginny Weatherman
SPEAK UP
JUST SEND AN E-MAIL TO
jayplay @kansan.com
or individually, the formula is:
(1st initial+last name@kansan.com)
or write to
Jayplay
The University Daily Kansan
111 Stauffer-Flint Hall
1435 Jayhawk Blvd.
Lawrence, KS 66045
EDITORAKAQUEENBEE
Misty Huber
ASSOCIATE EDITOR HATESTAGLINES
Liz Beggs
CLERKGETSAROUNDTOWN
Meredith Desmond
DESIGNERSMAKE PRETTYPAGES
Emily Homer
Joshua Kendall
BITE ALWAYSHASTHE MUNCHIES
Britta Florman
Maha Masud
Anja Winikka
CONTACT WILL HELPYOUWITHYOURPROBLEMS
Ashley Doyle
Samara Nazir
Erin Shipps
MANUAL ISACTUALLYUSEFUL
Donovan Atkinson
Leigh Ann Foskey
Lynn Hamilton
NOTICE TAKESNOTE OF IT
Robert Perkins
Paige Worthy
VENUEHASTHE BOOZE ANDTHE BEAT
Chris Brown
Mandy Hendrix
Ashley Michaels
COPY EDITOR ATRUE RENEGADE
Ross Fitch
CREATIVE CONSULTANT KNOWS A LOT
Carol Holstead
The Jayplayers//
3
4
6
Weekly choice
Bite
Manual
Prepare five-star feasts in your residence hall
Student to staff: your guide to finding a job
8 Notice
Street-side signs of the cross
9 Bitch + Moan
Awkward apartment hunting and foreign loving
10 Feature
Skin flicks and dirty magazines: Can you handle it?
12 Venue
Don’t call them groupies
14 Contact
And you thought the sibling squabbles were over
16 Movies, Music, Games
Cursed, Motley Crüe & Star Fox Assault
19 Speak
Wedding bells and marriage hell
Editor’s Notes
We want you to
use us. No,
really this is your
magazi ne and
your opportunity
to share your
voice. We want
your feedback,
whether you love
or hate something you read or you
just have some story ideas. You
know that “letter to the editor” page
you see in a lot of magazines: those
letters that drone on and on about
how amazing an article was in last
month’s issue and then the occa-
sional critical thinker who calls the
publication moronic. Yeah, we don’t
have that page, but we still want to
know what you’re thinking.
Good things come from interac-
tion. Three weeks ago, Jayplay
reader Stephani e Fi l ardo,
Owensville, Mo., junior, called to tell
us she wanted to give away her
engagement ring from her former
fiancé. We ran a contest in our Feb.
10 issue asking readers to share
their love stories and the reader with
the best one would receive the ring.
Filardo picked her favorite couple
and we announce the winners on
page 14.
Starting with this issue, we’ll also
give you the writer’s contact informa-
tion after each article. The writers are
here to entertain you, so if you think
an article sucks, let them know. Like-
wise, tell the writer if the piece
changed your life, you now consider
him or her your hero or you’re con-
structing a shrine in the article’s
honor. You can also send in your love
questions to Bitch + Moan on page
9. Columnists Chris and Jessi give
informative answers while trying not
to sound like smart-asses. They usu-
ally fail.
And then there’s me. If there’s any-
thing you want to say but don’t know
whom to direct it to, you can e-mail
me. If it’s praise, I’ll take credit. And if
its criticism, I’ll make up someone to
blame it on.
– Misty Huber, editor
mhuber@kansan.com
03.03.05 Jayplay 3
Thurs 3/3
Ten Mile Tide, Jazzhaus 926 1/2
Massachusetts St., 10 p.m., 21+, $3
National Treasure, Woodruff Audi-
torium, Level 5, Kansas Union, 7 p.m.
and 9:30 p.m., all ages, $2 or free with
SUA Movie Card, runs Thursday and
Friday
North of Grand/Tipton Blacktop/
Fatal 27th, Boobie Trap Bar, 1417
SW Sixth St., Topeka, 9 p.m., all ages,
$5 over 21, $6 under 21
Ragin’ Hormones, Gaslight Tavern,
401 N. Second St., 7 p.m., all ages
Ever We Fall and Drake Equation,
Replay Lounge, 946 Massachusetts
St., 10 p.m., 21+, $2
Mark Lower Trio and I Don’t Do
Gentl emen, 1727 McGee St.,
Kansas City, Mo., 10:30 p.m., 21+, $5
to $10
Jazz Chaos Theory/Wobbly H,
The Bottleneck, 737 New Hampshire
St., time TBA, 18+
+
Fri 3/ 4
Paul Westerberg, Grand Empo-
rium, 3832 Main St., Kansas City,
Mo., 8 p.m., 21+, $20
George Strait, Kemper Arena,
1800 Genessee St., Kansas City,
Mo., 7:30 p.m., all ages, $50.50 to
$60.50
First Friday (Live music fol-
lowed by open mic), Hawks Nest,
Kansas Union, 7 p.m., all ages, free
The Esoteri c/ Born from
Beneath/Given with Honor/A
River Forth, Boobie Trap Bar, 1417
SW Sixth St., Topeka, 9 p.m., all
ages, $5 over 21, $6 under 21
Son Venezuela, The Granada,
1020 Massachusetts St., 8 p.m., all
ages
S. N. M. N. M. N. M. / B- Team,
Gaslight Tavern, 401 N. Second St.,
10 p.m., all ages
Phi l adanco! Contemporary
Dance, Lied Center, 1600 Stewart
Dr., 7:30 p.m., all ages,
Orchestra/Balcony I: $11.50 to $28
Peckinpah/The Hacienda Broth-
ers, Davey’s Uptown, 3402 Main St.,
Kansas City, Mo., 10 p.m., 21+
Brunette, The Bottleneck, 737 New
Hampshire St., 8:30 p.m., 18+, $3 to
$4
North Mississippi All-Stars, The
Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania
Ave., Kansas City, Mo., 8 p.m., all
ages, $15
Sat 3/5
Little Compas/The Monarch
Song/ chasing Paris, Jackpot
Saloon, 943 Massachusetts St., 10
p.m.
Bill Gaither, Kemper Arena, 1800
Genessee St., Kansas City, Mo., 6
p.m., all ages
Placate/Moniker/Knee Deep/
DBLTAP (Luke Paine Benefit),
Boobie Trap Bar, 1417 SW Sixth St.,
Topeka, 9 p.m., all ages, $5 over 21,
$6 under 21
Concerts at the Li ed: 28th
Annual KU Jazz Festival with
John Abercrombie and the KU
Jazz Ensemble I, Lied Center, 1600
Stewart Dr., 7:30 p.m., all ages, $15
adults, $10 students/seniors
The 2005 Benefit Sports Auction
presented by the Lawrence St.
Patrick’s Day Parade Commit-
tee, Liberty Hall, 644 Massachusetts
St., 6 p.m., $5
Black Pool Lights, Dead Girls
Rui n Everythi ng and Jason
McGee, Replay Lounge, 946 Massa-
chusetts St., 10 p.m., 21+, $2
Via Satellite, 1727 McGee St.,
Kansas City, Mo., 10:30 p.m., 21+, $5
to $10
Tishamingo/Big Metal Rooster,
The Bottleneck, 737 New Hampshire
St., 10 p.m., 18+, $7
Sun 3/6
Hacienda Brothers / Rhythm
Busters, Jackpot Saloon, 943 Mass-
achusetts St., 10 p.m.
Kings of Leon, The Beaumont Club,
4050 Pennsylvania Ave., Kansas City,
Mo., 8 p.m., all ages, $15
Anchondo / Supernauts / The Vel-
vet Hammers / Ludo, Boobie Trap
Bar, 1417 SW Sixth St., Topeka, 8
p.m., all ages, $5 over 21, $6 under 21
Student Ensembl e Seri es:
I nstrumental Col l egi um
Musicum, Swarthout Recital Hall,
Murphy Hall, 1530 Naismith Dr., 7:30
p.m., free
Firescape / National Fire Theory /
Too Beautiful to Die, El Torreon
Ballroom, 3101 Gillham Plaza,
Kansas City, Mo., 7 p.m., all ages
The Wandering Eye Band, Har-
bour Lights, 1031 Massachusetts St.,
21+, 10 p.m., $2
Mon 3/7
Laurie Garret, Woodruff Audito-
rium, Level 5, Kansas Union, 5:30
p.m., all ages, free
Student Ensembl e Seri es:
Undergraduate Honors Recital,
Swarthout Recital Hall, Murphy Hall,
1530 Naismith Dr., 7:30 p.m., free
Tues 3/8
From Aqua Teen Hunger Force
presents mc chris, The Bottleneck,
737 New Hampshire St., 9 p.m., 18+,
$8
Tom Russell, Davey’s Uptown, 3402
Main St., Kansas City, Mo., 8 p.m.,
21+, $15
Wed 3/9
Jonathan Bentley / Buttermilk
Boys, Davey’s Uptown, 3402 Main
St., Kansas City, Mo., 8 p.m., 21+, $5
Javiva Magness, Grand Empo-
rium, 3832 Main St., Kansas City,
Mo., 8 p.m., 21+, $8
For a complete list of events, visit www.kansan.com
weekly choice
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Tom Russell
Kings of Leon
The Hacienda Brothers
4Jayplay 03.03.05
Saygoodbye to takeout menus and
daily trips to Lewis Hall, and hello to gour-
met goodness. With a little creativity and
concocting, eating well in your room is not
only possible; it’s downright doable.
Nuke-lear war
Andrea Bridges, Lewis Hall resident, can’t
be bothered with hopping on an elevator
down to Mrs. E’s dining hall. The Lenexa
sophomore decided that after spending
last semester eating there twice a day, she
needed a break from on-campus eateries.
But living in the residence halls without an
oven limits her cooking capacity. Though
it’s the reigning royalty of cooking, the
oven now has some definite competition
for the leading position in food prepara-
tion. “The microwave is the new oven,”
Bridges says. “It’s where the real cooking
goes on.”
Using a microwave is probably the quick-
est and easiest way to prepare food in a
hall room. It’s also one of the only heating
devices allowed in the halls, says Nick
Dormer, Topeka sophomore and resident
assistant for the fourth floor of Lewis Hall.
With the restrictions on different appli-
ances — nothing with an open heating
device is allowed — it seems like students
must surrender themselves to a life of
Ramen noodles. However, microwaves
are capable of whipping up more than just
TV dinners. Bridges uses hers to make
instant mashed potatoes, grits and even
scrambled eggs. She says it’s easy: Just
crack an egg into a bowl, season, add
cheese if you want, stir, cook for 30 sec-
onds, stir, cook for another 30 to 45 sec-
onds and it’s finished.
If you want to cook
more than nuke, cre-
ating a more home-
made style meal is
possible. Carolyn
Dodson, of
www.goodnuke.com
and author of Defini-
tive Microwave
Cookery, says to
think of your
microwave as a
stove, with many
temperature settings
to cook different
types of food. For
instance, a 450-
degree setting on a stove is equivalent to
100 percent, or HIGH power, on a
microwave. A medium setting on a
microwave, perfect for cooking most
foods, is 50 percent power, or 325 to 350
degrees on a conventional range. She rec-
ommends cooking things a little under-
done, as 25 percent of cooking occurs after
the microwave stops. And what are Dod-
son’s final words of microwave wisdom?
“Don’t let that little tin box intimidate
you!”
Although it’s possible to go all out and
make complete meals in the microwave,
Bridges, Lewis Hall
resident, warns
that using fresh
ingredients is a lit-
tle risky because of
limited shelf space
in small dorm-size
refrigerators and
quick expiration
dates. She and
Dormer, Lewis Hall
RA, both suggest
using kitchen facil-
ities located in
many of the halls if
you need to use
some kind of open
heating apparatus.
All you need to do is check out a key and
bring your own pots and pans.
It’s what’s inside that counts
What you put into the food, rather than
how you prepare it, is often what makes a
meal gourmet. A simple sandwich can go
from blah to bravo with just a little effort in
the grocery store. Instead of going straight
for the processed meats and cheeses à la
Oscar Meyer, why not visit the deli counter
and ask for some sun-dried tomato basil
turkey with smoked Gouda cheese slices?
And opt for more interesting greens than
just plain iceberg. Try using baby spinach
or mixed greens that include romaine let-
tuce or arugala, a peppery tasting variety
of leafy green, which are available in
ready-to-eat bagged salads. Experiment-
ing with different ingredients and spices is
often the key to making something more
impressive, Bridges says. Even pasta can
be made fancy: Target’s Archer Farms
brand has different varieties of pasta avail-
able, such as cracked black pepper linguini
and roasted garlic rotelle. Boil the noodles
in the microwave and top with a jarred
alfredo sauce instead of your regular mari-
nara.
The bottom line: Don’t think that because
you don’t have a kitchen in your room, you
can’t create a delicious, homemade gour-
met-style meal. Explore new ingredients
and don’t be afraid to think outside of the
microwave box. You just might have peo-
ple start walking to your room instead of
going to Mrs. E’s.
mmasud@kansan.com
Dorm-made
Sans kitchen?
So what!
Grub on good food,
even in your
residence hall room
Many students feel limited by their cooking options while living
on campus. The microwave can offer students fine dining if used
correctly.
Photo by Kit Leffler By Maha Masud, Jayplay writer
gourmet
Morningstar Farms Veggie Crumbles are
a vegetarian alternative for ground beef.
It’s made from soy products, so it’s low in
fat and carbohydrates and takes only sec-
onds to prepare in a microwave, making
it a great, quick substitute for many
recipes that require ground beef. Place a
serving in a bowl, spice it up with some
taco seasoning, nuke it in the microwave
for 30-45 seconds and add to a tortilla
with some cheese, lettuce, and salsa.
You’ve got yourself a soft taco in two
minutes!
A quickshortcut
to making tacos
{
Tuna Pasta For One
Make this low-fat, full-flavor dish with minimal ingredients for a quick delight. Mix a
side salad to include more nutrients in your meal.
12 ounces dry rotini pasta
8 ounce can of tuna
1/3 cup chopped red onion
2 tablespoons fresh parsley, minced
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
pinch of back pepper
one head of broccoli
1/2 cup olive oil and red wine vinegar, whisked together
1/4 cup shredded Parmesan cheese
Boil water and add pasta.
While the pasta is cooking, combine the tuna with onion, parsley, lemon juice and
black pepper, in a medium-sized bowl. Really, you can vary the flavors and herbs,
but this makes a fresh, tasty combination.
Add broccoli florets to the cooking pasta a couple minutes before the pasta is done.
Make sure pasta and broccoli are both cooked to your satisfaction, and drain pasta
and broccoli in a colander.
Stir cooked pasta into tuna mixture and drizzle with the oil and vinegar mixture to
taste. Mix again to coat tuna and pasta. Top with the shredded pamesan cheese.
Leftovers are just as delicious chilled.
—Britta Florman
Jefferson’s Restaurant
743 Massachusetts St.
(785) 832-2000
From its famous hot wings to its juicy burgers and golden
breaded oysters, Jefferson’s Restaurant serves plenty of
good southern food. Dollar bills signed with magic markers
line the walls and with four big screen TVs, you can easily
watch KU basketball games from any seat in the place.
Price Range: Appetizers start at the $2.50 Basket ‘O Fries
and up to the $7.25 Combo plate with cheese sticks, mush-
rooms, corn nuggets and onion rings. Sandwiches, served
with a pickle spear and your choice of fries, coleslaw, barbe-
cue beans or pasta salad, are all about $6.
Booze Availability: Jefferson’s carries more than 24 bottled
beers and offers drink specials every day of the week. Thurs-
days are $1 draws and $5 pitchers, and Fridays are $2 wells.
Attire: Casual. Jefferson’s is a sports bar: the servers wear T-
shirts and jeans and you can too.
Date-worthy: Not really. The music is a little loud and you
are expected to use paper towels as napkins. So if you’re
looking for something fancy, this is not your place. But if
you’re looking for a fun, friendly atmosphere, Jefferson’s is
your place.
*Jefferson’s waitress Amity File, Beloit senior, says that the
wings and burgers are the most popular. You can get $0.30
wings on Wednesdays, Sundays and KU game days. Burgers
are $4.50 on Mondays.
—Anja Winikka
Stat
Super short supper
CrossPointe Church
Dr. Beau Abernathy
Watch Channel 19 Tuesday 7:30, Friday 8:00
Student Transportation Available Call 331-2704
Meeting @ Bishop Seabury Academy
4120 Clinton Pkwy.
Across from Legends Apts.
www.crosspointeonline.net | download sermons
purpose driven student ministries
Building strong & healthy marriages
Sundays @ 9:30am
Couple series for the engaged & young marrieds
Contemporary Worship Venue Sundays @ 10:30am
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841-1431
Holiday Plaza : 25th & Iowa
Lawrence, KS 66047
I arrived early and read over the ques-
tions I printed out from the
University Career Center’s Web site,
www.ku.edu/~uces. I was a little nervous,
but not too bad. I decided my black pants
and teal blouse were professional
enough and I was ready to get it over
with. My finalized résumé, which was
printed on gray granite paper, lay in the
chair next to me. Once I went in, I was
enthusiastic and full of confidence. I
knew how to answer every question and I
don’t think I stumbled over my words too
badly. Overall, I thought it was a good
first interview, but I didn’t get the job.
That’s because it was a mock interview
offered by the University Career Center.
But it sure felt real.
Do Your Research
The mock interview is only one of the
services the University Career Center
offers. It’s also only one of the steps you
should take when preparing for the job
market. Susan Engle, one of the owners
of Englewood Florist, 1011 Massachu-
setts St., says job candidates should
research the company that is interview-
ing them. She says job candidates should
know exactly what the company does
and needs so they can sell themselves to
the company through an interview. She
says job candidates must be able to state
exactly what they can do for the com-
pany, whether it’s through sales or by
providing excellent customer service.
“You’re selling yourself to that com-
pany,” Engle says. “You should be able to
say, ‘I can do x, y, z for you.’”
Be Prepared
David Gaston, director of University
Career Services, recommends preparing
for an interview the way you prepare an
essay: organize it with an introduction,
body and conclusion. The introduction
responds to the typical first statement,
“Tell me about yourself.” Here you want
to include specific reasons why you are a
good fit for the company. In the body of
the essay, provide anecdotes showing
your skills and qualities that prove your
qualifications for the position and for the
company. Your conclusion tells inter-
viewers what you want them to remem-
ber about you.
Gaston also says job candidates
should be able to effectively communi-
cate what skills and qualities they bring to
an employer. “The interview is a time to
close the sale,” Gaston says.
Knock ‘Em Dead
Enterprise Rent-A-Car hires more col-
lege graduates than any other company
in the United States and estimates to hire
7,000 college graduates this upcoming
year. “We look for candidates who pos-
sess integrity, honesty, leadership ability
and a desire to grow professionally,”
says Shelley Flones, recruiting supervi-
sor of Enterprise Rent-A-Car in Kansas
City, Mo. “Team players with a strong
desire to provide exemplary customer
service are an ideal fit.”
Flones says appearance is very impor-
tant at an interview. Even if the company
environment is casual or business
casual, job candidates should dress to
impress. She recommends a conserva-
tive suit that is clean, neat and pressed to
make the right first impression.
Flones also recommends that job can-
didates practice their answers to
decrease nervousness. She says they
should identify the skills that are impor-
tant to the position and find specific
examples of situations when they have
demonstrated those skills. A job candi-
date’s inability to discuss specific situa-
tions and their outcomes is a common
mistake, Flones says. She suggests job
candidates find exact situations that
demonstrate their skills instead of speak-
ing about them generally.
For example, don’t hesitate to mention
the time you covered for your boss at the
movie theater while he was out of town or
when you gave the Heimlich to a girl
choking on a french fry. Whatever the sit-
uation, make sure to highlight it.
lhamilton@kansan.com
None of us wants to eat Ramen
noodles forever. Here’s how to trade
in your backpack and flip-flops for
big bucks and first jobs.
6Jayplay 03.03.05
Get
hired
Photo by Kit Leffler
Although appearance may be the least
important part of a person's qualifications
for a job, it does affect the first impression of
a potential employer.
By Lynn Hamilton, Jayplay writer
Prepared Jayhawks
I asked these students what they have
done to prepare themselves for job
interviews.
Anthony Brown, Grandview, Mo. sen-
ior: “I went to University Career Servi-
ces and had them look at my résumé
and cover letter. I also had a mock inter-
view and had informational interviews
with different professional employers.”
Shannon Cline, Wichita senior: “I
have been working to put together my
portfolio and make sure it is ready to
present to potential employers. I have
also picked up information from Career
Services about job interviewing tips.”
Quick fix
Nothing is more disappointing than pulling your
favorite wool sweater out of the dryer two sizes
smaller than when you put it in. Whether you forgot
to read the label or just didn’t sort your laundry,
there is hope.
Mix 2 tablespoons of baby shampoo into a sink
full of warm water and soak the sweater for about
15 minutes to relax the wool fibers. Without rins-
ing, roll the sweater in a towel to remove as much of
the water as possible. Spread the sweater on a
large corkboard. If you don’t have one, a hard sur-
face will do fine. Stretch it to the correct shape and
size, reshaping every few hours until the sweater is
dry. By the end of the day your wool will be good as
new.
Source: www.ehow.com
—Leigh Ann Foskey
S
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Assembly
Blinds are a great way to keep peep-
ing Toms from looking through your
windows, but they aren’t perfect
when it comes to keeping out sun-
light. There’s still enough space
between the slats to let in some
light, which can ruin your chances of
sleeping in. To keep out the sun, try
putting up curtains. You can always
make your own. Don’t worry about
cost, installation or your lack of
sewing skills.
To make your own curtains, take
some fabric or a bed sheet and lay a
tension rod about five inches from
one end. Fold the short end over the
rod and use fabric glue or bonding
tape such as Stitch Witchery, which is
available for about $5 at sewing sup-
ply stores, to secure the fabric. Cut the
fabric up the middle if you want to cre-
ate panels.
Be sure to measure your window so
you’ll have the proper dimensions
before you buy anything.
—Donovan Atkinson
required
The sun’ll come out tomorrow,
so block it out
For Tickets Call: 785.864.2787
Buy On-line TDD: 785.864.2777
Upon Request

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of Kansas
Universityof Kansas
785.864.2787
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“THISIS A CH - - CH.” The sign
caught my attention just as my little green
car zoomed past a nondescript brick
church on Massachusetts Street, but I
knew very well I couldn’t just stop in the
middle of the road to get a closer look.
“WHAT’S MISSING? UR!”
It was maddening. The sign was behind
me in the blink of an eye, and every time I
read it I saw “UR” as “Errr,” something like
the sound I made when I finally figured it
out. In the end, I had to drive past Central
United Methodist Church six or seven
times before I deciphered the wit hidden in
those lines.
The Rev. Denise Hygh, pastor at Central
United Methodist, 1501 Massachusetts
St., says the sign is out there for just that
reason: to make people curious and invite
them inside. She says the church rarely
used the sign before she came six months
ago. When she saw how busy Mass Street
was and what a great evangelism tool the
sign could be, she says she made a com-
mitment to be more open and inviting to
passersby, even if it meant just getting
them inside to ask about the message or an
upcoming event. She says the sign’s mes-
sage changes as often as every two weeks,
depending on what’s going on at the
church. “It’s a clever way of talking about
God,” she says.
Central United Methodist and Victory
Bible Church, 1942 Massachusetts St., are
two churches in the Lawrence area that
use their outdoor signage to display
thought-provoking messages as well as
event announcements. Any church with
the income to purchase a sign—often
$4,000 or more—could have one, though.
Not only are they clever, but they’re also a
way to bring new people in without
expending a lot of manpower, says Aaron
Ketchell, lecturer in religious and Ameri-
can studies. Churches that receive govern-
mental financial support in countries such
as France have no risk of closing. But in
America, he says, “you have to do certain
things to stay afloat.”
He says the catchy signs are as much
about marketing and keeping churches in
the black as they are about spreading reli-
gion to new people. He says most sociolo-
gists of religion would agree that many
mainstream churches are losing mem-
bers. There’s a certain art to preaching —
captivating the congregation is part of it —
that conservative churches make part of
their style and allure, he says. The signs
are a way for mainstream Christian
churches to attract people in potentially
large numbers without a huge marketing
team.
But that isn’t to say conservative
churches don’t use them too. Ketchell says
the content of each church’s sign is deter-
mined by how its members think of “what
it means to be a religious person.” In his
experience, conservative churches tend to
focus their signage on working toward get-
ting into Heaven. He says one that sticks
out in his memory — as one part hilarity,
one part “fire and brimstone” — is, “IF
YOU DON’T WANT TO BURN IN HELL,
YOU’RE GOING TO NEED SON-BLOCK.”
Clearly, signs’ messages can range from
the funny and brain teasing to the thought-
provoking or fear-inspiring. That’s where
authors such as Jim Harvey come in. He
was inspired to write 701 Sentence Ser-
mons: Attention-Getting Quotes for
Church Signs, Bulletins, Newsletters, and
Sermons when he was put in charge of the
sign at a church in Maryland, where he
lived at the time. He composed and com-
piled the little messages for several years
until he had enough to publish in a book.
He makes some of them up and collects the
rest from television, radio, magazines,
books and anywhere else he sees some-
thing inspirational or witty. He says
churches can use the phrases to reach out
to their “drive-by congregations” in addi-
tion to regular visitors and members.
Harvey, who now lives in Caledonia,
Mich., says he receives feedback from peo-
ple on a regular basis, proof that his “sen-
tence sermons” are working their magic.
He recently got a message from a family
saying they drive by his church sign every
Monday and that it has become the subject
of conversation during their family dinner.
Central United Methodist’s Rev. Hygh says
her church’s sign, which sometimes has a
creative message and sometimes just
announces events, attracts new visitors
every week, most recently to the Ash
Wednesday service on Feb. 9. Even in my
own experience, in the summer of 2000,
the same summer that X-Men was
released, I drove past a church on Rainbow
Boulevard in Westwood with a sign that
read “JESUS: THE ORIGINAL X-MAN.” I
didn’t see the parallel and I wasn’t quite
sure what the church was getting at, but it
still brought a smile to my face. I never
imagined that four words on a church sign
would brighten my workdays consistently
for two months, but they did.
I don’t go to church. I’m not even sure
what my religious beliefs are. Yet I always
drive a little slower down Mass Street to
see what the signs in front of those
churches will say that day. That sign is
doing its job. It even got me interested.
pworthy@kansan.com
8Jayplay 03.03.05
By Paige Worthy, Jayplay writer
A Presbyterian church sign in Steelville,Mo in September 2004 reaches out to drug addicts and
interested passersby alike.
Photo by Josh Kendall
ad agents
God’s
From catchy one-liners to provocative
statements, churches have found
another way to preach the gospel —
without saying a word.
Not to make you all scared, but we’re eavesdropping on your
conversations. Yes, we hear everything. And then we print it. But don’t
worry if you say something stupid, we won’t identify you — unless
you owe us money or beer.
w
[Oh, you guys say some of
the darndest things. ]
Wescoe wit
Girl 1: Do you know some skank
named…oh I forgot, she’s fat and
has curly hair?
Guy 1: Uh, no.
Girl 2: Well she hooked up with my
roommate.
Guy 1: No way.
Girl 1: I hear she’s on crack now.
Guy 1: When’s your birthday?
Guy 2: Next Monday.
Guy 1: Nuh uh, you’re birthday
isn’t Valentine’s Day.
Guy 2: Don’t ask if you don’t want
to hear.
Guy 1: Man that’s gonna suck
when you get…oh wait, you’ll
probably never get married.
Guy1: (Walking with girl)
Guy 2: (Trips guy 1 from behind)
Guy 1: What the heck?! Hey man,
these are my new sneaks!
Guy 2: Oh, sorry dude.
Guy 1: You should be.
The late “Sparky,”
the squirrel who
hopped in a trans-
former on Feb. 23
and killed power on
campus for a cou-
ple of hours
Erin May,
Olathe junior
Q: Who would play you in a movie
about your life?
Erin: Claire Danes. I was obsessed with
My So-Called Life.
Sparky: Rocky the Flying Squirrel. Oh
yeah, in my movie, I’d be able to fly and
be best friends with a stupid moose.
Q: What’s your favorite night spot
in Lawrence?
Erin: The back porch of the Jazzhaus.
I’ve participated in illegal activities out
there.
Sparky: A nice, quiet tree overlooking
Clinton Lake. Well, or maybe the Wheel.
Sometimes the drunk kids drop their
pizza crust and I get a late-night snack.
Five questions
Q: If you had to eat the same
meal for the rest of your life,
what would it be?
Erin: Thanksgiving dinner, made by
my grandma. Only the turkey would
have to be substituted with
Tofurkey, now that I’m a “vege.”
Sparky: Clusters cereal, Planter’s
peanuts and beef jerky. Or anything
I could steal from birds.
What band’s music would you
destroy and scrap from history
forever?
Erin: There’s so many to choose!
The genre of Sum 41—whiny, my-
dad-hates-me, I-can’t-get-a-date-in-
junior-high music.
Sparky: Alvin and the Chipmunks.
They give neighborhood rodents
everywhere a bad name. My voice
never sounded that high and obnox-
ious.
Q: What’s your biggest pet
peeve?
Erin: Small repetitive noises and
white dairy products…not neces-
sarily together.
Sparky: Sometimes I’d be crossing
the street and people would speed
up when they saw me in the middle
of the road … annoying!
— Paige Worthy
One KU “famous,” one KU not (yet) famous
By Jessi Crowder and Chris Tackett
Are you in love with a bitch?
Q. Two of my friends were planning on living together next year, and
another one of our friends assumed she’d be living with us too,
because she mentioned how we should go apartment-hunting soon.
I didn’t know what to say, so I just played it off. How should we break
it to her that we weren’t planning on living with her?
—Courtney, freshman
Chris: I too have friends who are great people, but would be terrible
to live with! Just kidding. I don’t have friends. But if I did and forgot
to tell one of them that I would rather make her cry than let her live
with me, here’s what I’d do. First, figure out the gentlest way to break
the bad news. Then tell her as a group. Things might be tense for a
week or so, especially while she tries to find an alternative place to
live. Maybe she could find an apartment in your same building?
Jessi: The next time she mentions apartment hunting, explain to
her your dilemma, or rather, her dilemma of finding new friends that
won’t ditch her. It would also be considerate of you to mention she
needs to find a new apartment with those new friends.
Q
a
I‘ve fallen in love with this girl who isn’t the greatest person most of the
time. She is wonderful when she is around me and we have a great
time together, but we are not dating. She tells me she doesn’t want a
boyfriend, but then she goes and sleeps with her ex. What should I do?
—A.C.,junior
Q
a
Jessi: If you can’t see the woman you love as wonderful all the time,
is she really worth it to you? It’s probably true she doesn’t want a
relationship… with you, but it definitely appears she wants some-
thing with her ex. Trust me when I say there are women who will
think youare the greatest person ever, and as an added bonus, they
won’t diddle their exes. Yea!
Chris: From what you’ve said, it sounds like she just isn’t into you.
When certain exes have an established sexual history, it’s often
tempting to settle on sex with them than going through the process
of starting something new. For your situation, this blows. I’d make
out with one of her friends and if she gets jealous, she’s yours for the
taking. Not really.
I am an international student and so far, I am discovering college life at
KU rather bleak, if not unbearable. The only consolation for me at KU is
seeing all the beautiful girls on campus. I find myself attracted to the
American girls here. I have never been with an American girl and find it
hard to strike up a conversation. It would be a shame to go back home
without experiencing some sort of cross-cultural romance. Any
advice? —Fez,sophomore
Q
a
Got a burning question? E-mail us at bitch@kansan.com
—Erin Shipps
Jessi: I suggest you go to parties with hot tubs and say things like
“would you like… to touch.. my penis?” and “I am a sex machine” in
a really hot accent. No, seriously, just approach the girl.
Chris: College life at KU is bleak. IT’S WINTER! Once spring comes
around, American girls get all slutty and wear skimpy little “outfits”
and “cute tops.” And they’ll sleep with anybody that feigns interest.
This is where you come in. Figure out a clever way to start a conver-
sation. Try “I’m lost. Where is this nation’s capital?” or “My home-
work is hurting me. How’s yours?” She’ll laugh and you can
smoothly say “Ha ha, I’m joshing you! I’m actually not lost and sim-
ply trying to score with your hot American ass.”
Myboyfriend during freshman
year had 100 gigabytes of pornography
on his computer. To put this in perspec-
tive, most computers don’t even come
with 50 gigs of total space, but my ex was
able to store 100 gigs of random people
screwing. If you had asked what my opin-
ion on watching pornographic material
was before this revelation, I would have
said that it was a harmless and healthy
activity. But since my discovery, an end-
less number of questions keep going
through my head. Is there such a thing as
too much porn? Can porn alter your views
on sex? Can it influence your views of the
opposite sex? Or is pornography
absolutely harmless and I’ve been worry-
ing for nothing?
Addiction
In less than one year, Matthew Pool
says he not only started watching porn,
but also became addicted to it. What
started out as something to watch with a
group of guys a couple times a month
turned into something the Lawrence
sophomore had to watch daily to get his
fix. It got to the point where porn that used
to excite him became dull. The positions,
the plots, the orgasms. . .they were all the
same. So Pool started increasing the
intensity levels of the pornography he
watched — from the soft-core porn on
HBO to the more hardcore — until he ran
out of choices. Pool says pornography
became repetitious and boring. But even
though the steamy action never changed,
he had to keep watching it because it had
become his outlet and he needed that
release. Pool also avoided relationships
during this time. He didn’t need one; porn
was his new girlfriend.
This is one of the symptoms of porn
addictions, says Lawrence certified sex
therapist Dennis Detweiler. If you are
watching porn for an orgasm, that’s OK.
But if you’re watching it to have an
orgasm that you should be having with a
partner, thus substituting porn for a rela-
tionship, he says you have a problem. The
term “p o r n a d d i c t i o n” h a s become
By Ashley Doyle, Jayplay writer
The ins and outs of pornography;
the people who love and hate it
Photo by Kit Leffler
M
e
n
W
o
m
e
n
something used too carelessly in our society,
he says. Pornography addiction has nothing
to do with how much porn you watch, but
rather how you psychologically handle
watching it. “Someone could be watching
pornography one time a month and be mis-
using it,” Detweiler says. On the other hand,
people could be watching it daily and be per-
fectly fine.
Couples
Pornography can be fabulous. Not only is it
a safe fantasy alternative, but Detweiler says
it also can be a fun way for couples to enhance
their sex lives. Pornography can be educa-
tional because it can broaden people’s con-
ceptual levels of sex and possibly make them
more open to sexual activity. Matt, Overland
Park senior, who prefers not to give his last
name, says pornography can be healthy for
couples because it can offer them new ideas
along with getting them in the mood. He says
he likes to watch porn with his partners as a
foreplay device and then turns it off before
sex.
While pornography can be good for cou-
ples, it’s important that both partners are
comfortable with the concept of pornogra-
phy. “If someone is more conservative,
maybe raised in a home where sex is taboo,
pornography probably just complicates
things,” Matt says. Detweiler says that cou-
ples who have clashing views on porn can
wind up in a never-ending battle. If your part-
ner thinks pornography is wrong, then your
partner will see you as an addict every time
you watch it.
An attractive porn star with breast implants
helps feed the insecurity many women have
about porn, says Laura Wade, co-host of
KJHK’s “O!,” a show for women about sex.
“Men are watching the film thinking, ‘This is
hot, I want to try this in bed,’ and women are
thinking, ‘He’s touching himself to her,’”
Wade says. She says this problem arises
because men and women watch porn differ-
ently. “He’s not thinking about how the porn
star is so much hotter than his girlfriend,” she
says. Wade suggests that couples find a video
together to ease the insecurity. This way they
can choose a video they are both comfortable
with.
Real life
While pornography can broaden the
viewer’s sex life, it can often also set up unre-
alistic ideas about sex. When Mark, Overland
Park senior who also doesn’t want to use his
last name, doesn’t just watch porn; he studies
it. “I think porn focuses on what appeals to the
stereotypical male porn-watcher,” Mark says.
“It assumes I want to have anal sex with a
large-breasted dumb blonde with long fin-
gernails and high-heeled shoes.” When he
downloaded “Best Porn of 2003,” he noticed
that all 12 clips at some point featured a cou-
ple having anal sex. It’s easy to see how this is
unrealistic: If you sampled 12 couples, it’s
doubtful that all of them have had anal sex
with each other, Mark says.
Viewers often get these unrealistic ideas
about how a sexual relationship should be
and how an orgasm works, Detweiler says.
Watch any porn film and you’ll see the fantasy
world porn offers, where women start to have
an orgasm after the first five seconds and
don’t stop until the man ejaculates on them.
Detweiler says a problem with pornography
is that people can’t separate fantasy from
reality. Mark separates the two worlds by
using pornography solely as a masturbation
aid. With pornography, “the male is fucking
the girl on camera,” Mark says. “They are not
making love. They’re not passionate.” Mark’s
pornography and his sex life do not inter-
twine. When Mark has sex, he wants his part-
ner barefoot, smart and small-breasted, but
most of all, he wants sex with feelings.
Detweiler says pornography can also make
you visually dependent. Fantasy is healthy.
But when a person watches too much
pornography, he can become dependent on
that visual aid because his imagination can’t
cut it anymore.
The other gender
Women are sexually objectified daily, and
pornography helps to encourage those
images, says Ann Cudd, director of women’s
studies. “I think that men who engage in
pornography are exerting male privilege and
women who engage in it are being co-opted
into participating in the oppression of
women,” Cudd says. This oppression, she
says, reduces women’s status as thinkers and
people with dignity, rights and feelings.
When Pool stopped watching porn, he says
he started seeing changes in himself. He says
he started disrespecting women during his
addiction, seeing them as sex objects instead
of people. Since he stopped watching
pornography, Pool says he has noticed his
view of women shifting back to how it used to
be: seeing them as people first.
Wade, the “O!” co-host, says even though
she’s a women’s studies major, she doesn’t
see the harm in pornography. She says
women are objectified in porn, but men are
too, and that’s something that people tend to
forget. Everyone in pornography is a sexual
creature, she says.
Cold turkey
Pool acknowledges that pornography is
one of his weaknesses. He even acknowl-
edges that he has a slip-up once in awhile. His
friends still watch pornography, which can
sometimes be difficult, but Pool has learned
to go into the other room when they’re watch-
ing videos. To him, it’s all a matter of adjusting
to his new lifestyle.
Detweiler, the sex therapist, says deleting
the porn from your computer may not be
enough. Addicts use porn to meet their emo-
tional needs, so he recommends therapy or a
12-step program to help them discover what
they’re lacking. Pool discovered his need was
faith. So he shifted his attention to Christian-
ity. Pool says during his addiction he had a lot
of questions that Christianity answered. The
needs an addict has can be a variety of things,
whether it’s finding a focus on family or a rela-
tionship. Detweiler says the stress is on find-
ing a focus that is important to you.
So did I overreact when it came to my ex’s
100 gigs of porn? Maybe a little. While
pornography can be healthy for couples and
individuals, you have to be comfortable with
it. And I wasn’t comfortable with him
watching it. Whether he was obsessed with
porn is not the point. I learned something
about myself. And while I think pornography
has its benefits, I believe that porn should
come in small doses. As for my ex, it still
comes in large ones.
To test the approval of couples
when it comes to pornogra-
phy, I walked up to 40 random
men and 40 random women
and asked them if they would
care if their partner watched
porn. Here are the results.
Or 32.5 percent,
said they would
care.
By the numbers
Or 63.6 percent,
said they would not
care.
Said while they
wouldn’t care, they
didn’t want to know
anything about their
partner watching
porn.
Or 20 percent, said
they would care.
Or 80 percent,
said they would
not care.
Said they would
care, but changed
their minds
because they said
they watched porn
and didn’t want to
be hypocrites.
Looked at me,
nodded, smiled
and then said,
“That’s hot.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Pornography: Friend or Foe?
“Pornography can be
healthy for the single indi-
vidual. But if your signifi-
cant other masturbates to
porn, you could feel infe-
rior, like with body image. If
the couple is mutually com-
fortable with pornography,
then it can be beneficial.”
—Julie Shrack, Lawrence
senior
“If it makes you happy, go for it. Sex
can wait; masturbate. No one ever
got pregnant having sex with them-
selves.”
—Kalynn Bradley, Olathe freshman
“I would say that people who watch
pornography are creating demands
that may not be met in reality.”
—Hollie Porter, Gardner senior
“It’s one of those friends that gets
on your nerves occasionally. It
can be great, especially in art, but
it can also be harmful. I think it’s
harmful because it inhibits your
ability to use your imagination to
fantasize, just like other addic-
tions.”
—Matt Stambaugh,
Hutchinson sophomore
“I think it’s very detrimental
to your health for a lot of rea-
sons. I’m a Christian and
Jesus said ‘Lusting and com-
mitting the act are the same
thing.’ And it messes up your
mind and you start losing
respect for people.”
—Chris Carter, Kansas City,
Kan. sophomore
adoyle@kansan.com
12Jayplay 03.03.05
it from the people behind the
scenes: Music is hard work. An entire
business surrounds music that involves a
small army of promoters, managers and
venue owners who bring you the music
you love. The business of music, or more
aptly titled “music management,” has its
rewards.
The Manager
On Anything but Joey’s tour two years
ago, members of the two opening bands
almost beat up band manager Misty
Roberts when she tried to pay them at a
venue in Omaha, Neb. Angry from feeling
like they weren’t being paid enough
money for their opening performances,
the high-school aged musicians sought
retribution in the form of physical vio-
lence against Roberts.
“They felt like it was their show,”
Roberts says.
The boys threatened her and tempers
flared on both sides. In the end, though,
nothing happened other than the bruising
of a few egos.
Roberts lists this incident as one of the
funnier disasters to come out of Anything
but Joey’s tour log. Another disaster that
was not so funny came a year later—this
past fall—when the band’s van broke
down in Washington, D.C., during the
East Coast leg of their national tour. A
series of costly events culminated when
the band flew their mechanic in from
Kansas City, Mo. The band thought the
cost of the necessary repairs would be
cheaper in the hands of someone who
had previously worked on the van.
Roberts says this experience nearly
ruined the final tour for Anything but Joey
who, despite nine years of touring, still
made little more than was needed to
cover gas to get from one gig to the next.
“When things like that happen, I’m
thinking, ‘it’s very possible we’re going to
get this fixed and chuck this tour and go
home,’” Roberts says.
Through these and other trials on the
road, Roberts has seen what it takes to
successfully manage a band. The 28-year
old former KU student had an ear for
music and business sensibilities that nat-
urally led her in the direction of music
management. When she signed on to be
the band’s manager three years ago, she
lacked a lot of experience. But she made
up for it with enthusiasm and a desire to
learn. Roberts works a part-time job and
focuses the majority of her time booking
seven local bands. The process starts with
determining each band’s market, fol-
lowed by sending out e-mails and calling
venue owners and managers to book
shows.
The Venue Promoter
Mike Tiffany, Salina senior, says he
views music as more than just a passion;
it’s a job. Tiffany has been in charge of
booking and promotions for The Bottle-
neck, 737 New Hampshire St., for the past
two years. He works four to five nights a
week at the club, roughly 30 to 40 hours a
week, in addition to being a full-time stu-
dent. During an average work day, Tiffany
responds to 50 to 60 e-mails from tour
managers, bands and band personnel. He
also advances shows, which entails talk-
ing to booked bands and determining
concert-specific details, such as what to
charge at the door and the band’s sound
requirements. He then pays each band at
the end of the night. Tiffany also coordi-
nates promotion for shows, which
includes working with graphic designers
to design flyers and other promotional
materials and assembling a “street team”
to post flyers throughout town.
In many ways, this sort of work suits
Tiffany well. Describing himself as a
music enthusiast and someone who had
“always been in bands,” Tiffany wanted
to get involved with the music industry.
He put in two years of taking tickets,
checking ID’s and handing out wristbands
at The Bottleneck before he was pro-
moted. Now in his fourth year at The Bot-
tleneck, Tiffany says he wants to pursue
music management.
“I can’t seem to find anything that could
suit me better,” he says.
The “Street Team” coordinator
Last year, Dave Barrett, Carbondale, Ill.,
junior, handed out 10,000 flyers for the
Wakarusa Music Festival at the Bonnaroo
Music Festival in Manchester, Tenn.
This year, Barrett is again on the front
lines of promotion for the Wakarusa
Music Festival. In high school, Barrett pro-
moted bands like the North Mississippi
All-Stars, Umphrey’s McGee and Moon-
shine Still by posting flyers around town
and handing out handbills after concerts.
He now leads a “street team” of music
fans devoted to spreading the word about
Wakarusa. In addition to making sure this
festival is adequately promoted through
his own efforts and those of his assembly
of street teamers, Barrett is responsible
for the content on the message board at
www.wakarusa.com, and he is trying to
implement a nationwide model of com-
munication so Wakarusa promoters can
keep in touch and network with each
other, regardless of distance. While Bar-
rett says he doesn’t want to disclose
whether or not he is paid, he works any-
where from one to four hours a day and
can take days off when he wants. Barrett
says anyone can promote a festival.
“It’s a gradual process,” he says. “Just
offer to help and you get more and more
involved.”
The Publicist
While there’s certainly more than one
way to break into the business side of the
music industry, hard work and dedication
are two qualities that distinguish those
who make it from those who don’t. Ever
Kipp, senior publicist with Big Hassle
Management, a music management,
publicity and licensing firm based out of
New York City, says that working in the
music industry is filled with glamour but
is a hard industry to work in. It often
requires hard work with little to no pay in
the beginning. After graduating from col-
lege, Kipp moved to New York City and
interned with a small music publicity firm
called Girlie Action. He says he worked for
free in his first year in music manage-
ment. After proving his dedication and
desire to work in the industry, Oasis Pro-
ductions, another small music publicity
firm based out of New York, hired Kipp. He
was promoted within Oasis to handle tour
logistics for a handful of indie rock bands.
In 1999, Kipp came to Big Hassle where he
worked his way up from publicist to sen-
ior publicist and worked directly with top
national musicians, such as Robert Ran-
dolph & The Family Band and Toots and
the Maytals. Kipp now manages national
musicians such as Mofro, The Capitol
Years and Aqueduct. After climbing the
corporate ladder for the past 10 years,
Kipp says the value of hard work in this
industry cannot be overstated.
Do a couple of internships, he says.
“Just prove yourself and your capabili-
ties. Show them you kick ass.”
cbrown@kansan.com
By Chris Brown, Jayplay writer I’mwith the band
Photo by Kit Leffler
Having a good ear for
music management
Senior Mike Tiffany works the door at the Bottleneck
during the Wednesday, Feb. 23 Supernaut's show.
Tiffany is active in and supports Lawrence's local
music scene.
Take
Fish House Punch
Location: 821 Iowa St.
If you are looking for a diverse crowd, Moon Bar is the place to be. Attracting
people from all different walks of life, Moon Bar offers a variety of activities
and live music to keep you entertained for the night. The Moon Bar has four
pool tables, a dartboard, touch screens and a dance floor. Private Karaoke
rooms are unique to Moon Bar. The rooms, which feature state-of-the-art
equipment, couches and a big screen TV, give you and your friends the sen-
sation of a private party. The only difference is that a waitress delivers your
drinks, so you don’t have to designate a nightly “beer bitch.” Moon Bar is one
of the few bars in Lawrence that has sake bombs. Instead of waiting in line for
30 minutes at McDonalds or Taco Bell after you leave the bar, just order a
bowl of hot broth and noodles. It only takes five minutes and you can choose
from spicy, chicken, beef or pork flavors. They sound and taste a lot like
Ramen Noodles, but when you are that “been drinking all night” kind of hun-
gry, anything tastes good.
Dress Code: none
Maximum Occupancy: 193
—Ashley Michaels
Bar stat-card
Moon Bar
At some
point in col-
lege, you’ve
no doubt
been at a
party where
people served
jungle juice, trash
can punch or a sugary-
sweet, sublimely strong punch by
some other name. While the idea of
creating a large batch of drinks for your
guests may seem like a good idea at the
time, the concoction usually turns out
to be overdone and somewhat juve-
nile. Fish Bowl Punch, however, isn’t
your regular alcoholic punch. This
drink has an impressive background.
George Washington supposedly
imbibed this drink on many occasions.
Serve this to your friends and impress
them with your knowledge of its high-
class connections. But like most
punches, it’s intense, so make sure you
keep the portions under control.
Fish Bowl Punch was created in 1732
at the Schuylkill Fishing Club in Phila-
delphia. It was traditionally served
during cold weather to remind the fish-
ing club members of warmer months.
The club held regular meetings, which
always began with members drinking
this punch. After having this drink,
George Washington apparently was
too intoxicated to complete his daily
journal entries. Follow the lead of the
fishing club and prepare this drink for a
couple of your drinking buddies.
36 oz. (or 1 liter bottle) dark rum
24 oz. frozen, thawed lemonade
225 oz. (or 750 milliliter bottle)
cognac
4 oz. peach brandy
3/4 pound sugar
40 oz. water
Stir sugar into lemon juice and water
until sugar dissolves. An hour before
serving, add alcohol and ice and refrig-
erate. Make sure ice stays cold and
doesn’t dilute the punch.
Source: www.hotwired.com
—Mandy Hendrix
Interview:
Cocktail
of the week
If you’ve ever stayed up late watching the
Cartoon Network on Sunday nights, you’ve
heard mc chris. And if you’re one of the
countless fans of the cult classic Adult Swim
cartoons, then you’ve probably got a shrine
to him in your closet. The Libertyville, Ill. rap-
per started out as the voice of Hesh the angry
robot on Sealab 2021 and has since moved
on to become the voice of MC Pee Pants on
Aqua Teen Hunger Force. This Tuesday he’ll
be slinging rhymes at the Bottleneck as he
passes through Lawrence on his nationwide-tour.
Jayplaywriter Robert Perkins caught up with him between shows to talk about
touring, Adult Swim and Star Wars.
Why did you decide to go on tour? And how’s the tour going so far?
I decided to tour last summer in San Diego at Comicon, when I was on an Adult
Swim panel there. I rapped a little and this huge room of people went crazy. And
I thought to myself, I want to do that again as soon as possible, maybe even do a
whole show. I quit my job and came up to New York to record some new stuff, but
it quickly became obvious that it was time to tour and not record. As for how it’s
going, my manager says he can book me every day til Christmas. We’ve done
about 11 or 12 shows so far and have sold out every one of them. The show still
has some kinks, but that’s to be expected with just one month of rehearsal. The
fans have been awesome and meeting them has kicked everything in my life up
a notch.
Why did you decide to do a show in Lawrence?
Sometimes it’s a fan bugging a venue, sometimes it’s a venue run by fans, some-
times it’s just my booking agent looking to fill in empty spaces on our tour sched-
ule. I plan to go everywhere. Lawrence is just one of the many places where mc
fans are hiding out.
What can we expect from your show on Tuesday?
Vomiting.
‘Fett’s Vette’ has become an underground classic, especially among us
Star Wars nerds. Which is your favorite Star Wars movie, and why?
Well, ROTJ [Return of the Jedi], just because it’s the one I saw in the theaters or
remember seeing. The opening at Jabba’s was very old school and is probably
the closest Lucas ever came to capturing the vibe of the old serials he was trying
to imitate (Indy flicks excluded).
Who do you consider to be your main musical influences?
Reggie and Full Effect, The Roots, Talib Kawli, Cibbo Matto. Not all of them are
necessarily my favorite bands, but just the way they approach music is what I
look at.
How did you get in with the whole Adult Swim crew?
I got discovered in a bar in Manhattan. I sound weird, and I guess they dug it.
What drew you to Aqua Teen Hunger Force from Sealab 2021?
I just wanted to try something new. I really wanted to be a member of the Wil-
liams Street Family. I wanted to see how networks and programming blocks
worked not just individual toons.
You’ve said before that you’d like to do your own cartoon at some point.
What sort of show do you have in mind?
Not telling. But I’ve got it all planned out.
And what else do you have planned for the future?
I’d like to get married and have a family, but that’s way off. I’d like to be on a
Harold Team at the UCB Theater in New York. I’d like to make a huge kick-ass
album that was half comedy skits, half rap. I’d like to get a nice car, buy my
brother a house. I want to make the mc cartoon. I want to write and direct my own
tour DVD, my own music videos, my own films. Besides that I plan on seeing
Revenge of the Sith a few thousand gazillion times.
—Robert Perkins
mc chris
Photo courtesy of www.nndb.com
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When Stephanie Filardo’s friends saw the
announcement in our Valentine’s issue
that she was giving away her engage-
ment ring, they were shocked that she
wasn’t selling it. The Owensville, Mo. jun-
ior says she wouldn’t have wanted to buy
anything with the money from the ring.
After her fiancé broke off the engage-
ment, she decided to give the seven-dia-
mond white gold ring, which she esti-
mates is worth $2,500, to a deserving
couple. She had 20 couples respond to
the announcement and she chose Lars
Larson, Atchison senior, and his girl-
friend, Christy Rachow, Phillipsburg jun-
ior.
Filardo says she chose the couple
because although they plan to marry
sometime next year, they’re realistic
about not rushing into it, which Filardo
says may have been the problem in her
former relationship. She was also moved
by the way he’s planning to propose.
Sorry, we can’t share that — Christy does-
n’t know yet.
Larson says the couple met at a party in
April 2003 and started dating five months
later. “It seems like yesterday that we met
and now that Christy is in my life, every-
thing seems like it is going a million miles
an hour,” Larson wrote in his letter to
Filardo.
Filardo says she didn’t realize the effect
her giveaway would have. At the end of
one letter, the writer said he was glad he
had the opportunity to write out how
much he appreciated his girlfriend.
“I think Valentine’s Day is a cop out to
show appreciation for one day out of the
year,” Filardo says. “Even for people who
didn’t submit, it was a chance to get you
thinking about why you’re with someone
and tell them.”
you are an only child,
you can probably remember a time in your
life when tormenting your sibling was fun.
Laura Koster,Great Bend sophomore,
remembers being the baby of the family
until her little brother came along. She
recalls one Christmas after all the presents
were opened, a big box sat empty in the
living room.
“I told my brother we were going to put
him in the box and ship him to Africa, and
he started crying,” Koster says.
She says she was just trying to scare
him and that she feels bad about it now,
but the hair pulling, tattling and sabotage
of childhood doesn’t always stop when we
grow up.
Unreconciled relationships among sib-
lings can lead to more violent acts and
even estrangement in adulthood. While
most siblings mature over time and learn
how to communicate better to resolve
their problems, there are always a few that
just cannot get along.
In childhood, siblings rival for parents’
attention and getting their emotional
needs met. Siblings may feel that parents
give more attention to the other sibling.
While this is still an issue for adults in
some cases, jealousy arises for different
reasons later in life. Whether it’s who went
to the better college, who is better at what
they do, who got married first or who has
the better job, as adults, we still deal with
issues of envy between those closest to
us.
Rosemary Tuggle, director of Clinical
Programs for the Family Service and Guid-
ance Center in Topeka, says that rivaling
siblings behave more passive aggres-
sively as adults, which looks like tattling or
backstabbing.
These behaviors don’t appear suddenly
in adulthood. They are rooted in years of
misunderstandings, judgments, jealousy
and assumptions about other people. A
continuation of this attitude and unre-
solved conflicts can carry over into close
relationships later in life. It can impact
romantic and work relationships, as well
as contribute to health issues in the long
run.
“Overall ongoing anger and resentment
can limit the support and richness that can
be found in family life,” Tuggle says.
Forgiveness may be difficult in some sit-
uations, but it is one of the most powerful
tools we possess. Sometimes it takes a
mediator with a goal of finding common
ground to start with a clean slate and move
on. Tuggle says that each individual may
need to forgive themselves for past deeds
as well as forgiving each other. This
process could involve the whole family
confronting and helping the fighting sib-
lings to work together.
Tuggle suggests regularly talking to
your sibling about their emotions. Trust is
also a big part of any relationship, and
clear and open communication facilitates
a trusting relationship.
For Koster, hair-pulling is a thing of the
past. She says her relationship with her
brother is good now. They’re in different
stages of life with different things going
on. But every once in a while though, she
teases that she should have been the baby.
eshipps@kansan.com
14Jayplay 03.03.05
A battle of wills
Sibling rivalry not just for kids
By Erin Shipps, Jayplay writer
Illustration by Austin Gilmore
Unless
The sentimental stuff: part two
Photo contributed by Lars Larson
Lauren Siemens and Kyle Spencer were best friends in mid-
dle school. They hung out nearly every day. Right before
high school, the Augusta freshmen started drifting apart. It
wasn’t until a senior campout three years later that they
started talking to one another again. They talked all night
and realized how much they missed being friends. About a
month after that they decided to take it to the next level. They
are now closer than ever.
—Ashley Doyle
Lauren Siemens & Kyle Spencer
How met
we
Photo contributed by Lauren Siemens
Investigating the ex-files
I never thought I’d take love advice
from Brittany Murphy, but her per-
formance in Little Black Bookmade me
think. Maybe it’s not such a bad idea to
EX-trapolate information about your
boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s past rela-
tionships. Understanding why past
relationships didn’t work can tell you a
lot about your sweetheart. As Mur-
phy’s character’s friend said in the
movie, if you’re not learning from his
or her history, you’re repeating it.
I’m not suggesting delving into
unnecessary corners of your partner’s
life because that will only lead to ruin-
ing the happiness that you have. Often
times your significant other will brief
you on their ex-files. But be wary if he
or she hides it because, as Murphy’s
wise friend advised, “omissions are
betrayals.”
For all of you amateur PIs out there,
snooping through your partner’s
things can be a really bad idea. How-
ever, if you happen upon something
that doesn’t register true, open com-
munication is always the best option. If
you don’t trust your partner’s explana-
tion, reasses why you are still in the
relationship .
—Samara Nazir
Love
Little Black Book
source
Courtesy of www.amazon.com
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Cursed
(✰✰)
PG-13, 86 minutes, South-
winds 12
Director Wes Craven and writer
Kevin Williamson re-team for a
horror film that uses all the rules
laid out in their Screamseries.
Their new flick,Cursed, begins with a
brother and sister inflicted with the curse
of the werewolf. The siblings must search
out the cause of their infliction, all the
while dealing with effects of the curse.
People seem to take Wes Craven too
seriously since the success of his recent
films – he never made thought provoking
horrors in the vein of The Sixth Sense or
The Others, and in fact has gotten less
serious as his career has progressed. This
film proves that. There are a number of
cheesy moments, including some bad
special effects, a flimsy plot and unmem-
orable performances, although Christina
Ricci does a good job. There are, however,
lots of jumps and tense
moments, despite the lack of the
usual Craven gore element, pres-
ent in his past films — obviously
an effect of the Hollywood sys-
tem he was never a big part of
until now. To my knowledge, he
has never made a PG-13 horror
film before.
Williamson’s writing is typical
of his style, part Scream, part Dawson’s
Creek, but in Craven’s hands doesn’t take
itself so seriously. There are as many
laughs as screams. There are also plenty
of nods to past horror films throughout
the picture, especially in a particular
themed club (where Craven’s Freddy
Krueger is displayed), and Ricci herself
looks strikingly like Morticia Addams (her
mother when she played Wednesday
Addams in the Addams Family films).
I wouldn’t call this a good movie, but a
lot of fun in an older style of horror film.
This is the film that the characters in the
Screamseries would have loved.
—Michael Boyd
Cube Zero
(✰✰1/2)
R, 97 minutes, DVD Rental
The third installment of the
Canadian cult films set around
the unwilling participants of an
experiment inside a giant cube
where each room either leads them
toward escape or certain death by various
gory means.
The first two films were similar in con-
tent and style — people wake up in the
cube, move from room to room, gradually
dying off, while dealing with conflicting
personalities within the group. The claus-
trophobic atmosphere, paranoia and
fights between the characters kept things
interesting, but also became old by the
end of Cube 2: Hypercube. This film takes
a fresh approach, by pulling the audience
outside the cube for the first time, and
concentrating on the controllers who look
upon the unfortunate guinea pigs. Inter-
esting issues arise about authority, power
and even a touch of religion, and
while dramatic and frightening,
is also humorous at points. For
the first time, the gory deaths are
not the centerpiece, and
admirably the movie doesn’t
overuse computer special
effects. Instead it relies on tradi-
tional methods. The filmmaking
is well thought out, and the set designs
return to the rustic, simple look of the first
film, making this a worthy addition to the
series.
The DVD has some surprisingly good
extras if you are interested in set design
and processes put into the making of a
film such as this, with storyboard-to-film
comparisons, pre-production set designs
and a making-of featurette. You can also
re-watch the film with the director’s com-
mentary.
This is a nice little DVD that should
delight fans of the two prequels.
—Michael Boyd
Film Face-Off
Two reviewers throwing stars
Film Face-Off
Two reviewers throwing
Movies
✰✰✰✰ Excellent: National Lampoon’s Animal House
✰✰✰Good: Old School
✰✰Okay: Revenge of the Nerds
✰Bad: PCU
No stars: National Lampoon’s Dorm Daze
All images courteous of www.movies.yahoo.com
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Bright Eyes,
Digital Ash in a Digital Urn
The second act in Bright Eyes’ recent
dual album launch, the excellently titled
Digital Ash in a Digital Urn,
is a departure from the
acoustic mini-ballads of
front man Conor Oberst’s
previous releases. Folk gui-
tars thrown overboard,
Digital Ash is anchored
instead by looped beats,
layers of lush, fluorescent
keyboards and a technique
known only as “program-
ming,” courtesy of pro-
ducer Mike Mogis’ alter
ego, the Digital Audio Engine. And like
I’m Wide Awake it’s Morning, Digital
Ash’s countrified twin, there is no short-
age of notable guests. Enigmatic art-rock
weirdo Nick Zinner of the Yeah Yeah
Yeahs appears on a half-dozen tracks,
and beatsmith Jimmy Tamborello of
Dntel and Postal Service lends his digital
wisdom to the album’s first single, “Take
it Easy (Love Nothing.)”
But even as the album explores its dig-
itally encrypted self, vintage Bright Eyes
remains at its core. Oberst is still a
drunken romantic, cursing the govern-
ment, perennially stuck — physically,
mentally and emotionally — somewhere
between Omaha and New York. Leaving
the “sorrowful Midwest” for NYC on
“Gold Mine Gutted,” he returns a few
tracks later claiming, “I need a break from
the city again. I think I’ll ship myself back
west.” Oberst’s inability to commit geo-
graphically mirrors his inability to com-
mit romantically: On “Take it Easy,” he
sings, “It isn’t so hard to get close to me.
There’ll be no arguments, we will always
agree. And I’ll try and be kind when I ask
you to leave; we’ll both take it easy.”
As it stands now, the
electronic pop of Digital
Ash seems to be Bright
Eyes’ best shot at leap-
ing from indie saint-
hood to the main-
stream. Oberst has been
putting out acoustic
Bright Eyes records for
years with relatively lit-
tle mainstream notice,
but the recent success of
the Postal Service
shows there may be a
niche market for “emotional” digital pop
albums. Though I’m Wide Awake is the
better of the two recent Bright Eyes
releases — Oberst has been perfecting
that sound for years — Digital Ash is
more exciting. If it’s a preview of future
releases, Digital Ash will mark the point
of departure. If it’s merely a one-time
experiment, it will become a Bright Eyes
anomaly. Right now however, it stands as
one of the young 2005’s best records.
Try if you like: The Postal Service and
Give it Up
Grade: B+
—Dave Ruigh
M.I.A.
Arular
In 1983, civil war broke out in Sri Lanka.
Maya Arulpragasam, or
M.I.A, was 7 years old at the
time and was a part of the
Tamil minority that was
fighting against the ruling
Sinhala. Her father fought
with the Tamil Tiger mili-
tants, eventually disappear-
ing amidst the chaos. Maya
and her remaining family
were eventually forced to
seek asylum in the United
Kingdom. Maya now lives in London,
where she has been making some major
noise with her unique guerrilla-style hip-
hop, telling her story of surviving as a ref-
ugee.
Arular takes a multitude of influences
that draw from Jamaican dancehall to
American hip-hop, and centers them on
the melody of consistent and minimalist
beats that put this album above and
beyond anything else that’s out there. For
a woman who has seen so much hard-
ship, she’s made one hell of an optimistic
debut album, using her experience with a
war that has killed more than 50,000 peo-
ple to create a more peaceful outcome.
Her first single, “Galang,” is a dance club
track that bumps so hard
you’ll be begging the DJ to
hit repeat.
M.I.A has an agenda that
reaches deeper than mak-
ing asses shake (though
Arular certainly does the
trick). She has an unavoid-
able amount of political
baggage that comes
through in her exotic sound
and subtle lyrics. Maya’s
voice has a confident swagger and natu-
ral spice that’s so irresistible it’s easy to
see why she is quickly becoming an inter-
national force who may take over com-
pletely. Start stretching now. This thing is
going to make the whole world want to
bust a move.
Grade: A
—Ryan McBee
Motley Crüe
Red, White & Crue
Most of us, myself
included, are too young to
remember Tommy Lee for
anything other than his
infamous home video
opposite Pamela Ander-
son. The same holds true
for Vince Neil and his stint
on The Surreal Life. Now
Lee and Neil are back along
with Nikki Sixx and Mick
Mars to show the world once again what
made them famous in the first place, Mot-
ley Crüe.
It has been more than six years since
Motley Crüe was last together, but they
have recently reunited to release Red,
White & Crue a two-disc greatest hits CD
that features three new tracks in addition
to their other hits.
The three new songs released are “If I
Die Tomorrow,” “Sick Love Song” and a
cover of The Rolling Stones’ song “Street
Fighting Man.” Unfortunately the song,
“If I Die Tomorrow” was written with the
help of Simple Plan so its sound and
lyrics are very, well, you can imagine. The
other two songs, although not written
with the help of Simple
Plan, still don’t reflect the
sound that the band is
known for.
Red, White & Crue is a
greatest hits CD of one of
the last great rock bands
so obviously it is going to
be good. You have to
admire them for trying to
continue their success,
but at the same time you
wonder how difficult it would’ve been for
them to write three new songs reflective
of their old style. Instead the listener is
stuck with a Simple Plan song, a Rolling
Stones’ song and one mediocre Motley
Crüe song. At least it isn’t an entirely new
CD.
Grade:A for old; C for new
—Jonathan Millstein
LISTEN
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L o v e Ga r d e n So u n d s
Used & New CDs, LPs and posters
CA$H
for
CDs
936 1/ 2 Ma s s ( Up s t a i r s ) • 843/ 1551
Looking for money?
Star Fox Assault
Gamecube
Fox McCloud and his team return once
again to save the galaxy from evil. This is
yet another title where Fox can leave the
comfort of his Arwing and hit the surface.
Star Fox Assault is another good title in
the Star Fox Family. The game combines
great graphics, good gameplay and the
old-school feeling.
The game starts with Fox being called
out to finish off the last of Andross’ army,
now lead by Andrew Oinkinny, Andross’
nephew, and an old member of Star Wolf.
After you defeat him, you discover the
coming of a new enemy called Aparoids.
Now the Star Fox team has been called in
for the mission of saving everything in
existence from this alien menace.
This game is a step up from the previ-
ous Star Fox Adventure. This game goes
back to its original roots and most of the
gameplay is in the cockpit of the Arwing.
However, now there are levels that
require Fox to go on foot with his blaster
in hand and blast the Aparoids like a lone
soldier from Starship Troopers. While on
land, he still has the option of getting in
the Landmaster tank and crushing the
enemies beneath its treads. These
options gives the game a more fun feel,
allowing for players to create different
strategies to complete missions.
The game still has your wingmen
around to help you out and lend colorful
commentary to missions. And yes, they
still ask for help when they have enemies
on their tail. However, now when you help
them out they will be more grateful and
will give you items to help you along in the
mission, such as extra health, or extra
supplies.
The only real problem I had with this
game was that this game ended too
quickly for me. When things started to get
real good, the game ended with some
questions left unanswered.
Also, the multiplayer function is back
where up to four people can engage in
dogfights. They still incorporate the
option of switching vehicles in certain
stages.
Star Fox Assault is a good title. It
deserves a rental at least, but if you want
to unlock everything and get all the
medals in the game, you may have to buy
it.
Grade: B
—Chris Moore
Constantine
PS2, Xbox, PC
Movie companies nowadays seem to be
compelled to release games based on
their movie property. This would be all
well and good if their purpose was to pres-
ent gamers with a unique experience and
not just trying to cash in on their movie
rights. Constantine is much like an alien
probe: unnecessary and generally
unpleasant.
The story driving this game is basically
a skewed version of what happens in the
movie; omitting characters and changing
events. Some parts are taken directly
from the movie, however, and they seem
to work the best, especially the opening
exorcism scene.
Aside from the story, most of the things
seen in the movie make an appearance in
the game. Keanu Reeves becomes
equipped with his gold knuckles, holy
shotgun, and the ability to go to hell. The
game has additional weapons such as
The Crucifier, a rapid firing nail gun. A
spell system has been added as well,
granting players the power to smite foes
with holy lightning and to turn enemies to
stone.
There just isn’t really enough here to
keep someone entertained, unless of
course that person is a huge fan of the
movie. Nothing besides the story is new
here, and that alone can’t make up for the
rest of the game. Constantine goes the
way of most movie spin-offs and does a
rather poor job of capturing the essence
of the movie, which in this case wasn’t
incredibly great itself.
Grade: D+
— Nick Finnegan
Champions:
Return to Arms
PS2
Before reviewing Champions, I had
never played any other Norath games, but
I was never lost in the story. Actually, I feel
the complete lack of story may have been
a strong point.
For some, this game will be a testos-
terone-fueled trip of continuous hacking
and slashing. Those gamers, myself
included, will be perfectly happy being a
barbarian. For those who want to cast
spells and use that silly mana stuff, this
game will be about customizing a charac-
ter’s moves and armor until your fighting
style is in sync.
Champions allows you to play with up
to four people. This way, as a barbarian,
you can team up with your mana-hugging
buddies, the wizards, and use some strat-
egy. This is hours of fun, but it needs some
work. Only two players can have their
equipment screens visible at one time.
Not one of the 14 buttons on the controller
allows you to hand an item to another
player. This means that for every hour you
spend killing, you spend 10 minutes drop-
ping items on the ground for someone
else to pick up and equip. This created a
serious lull in my continuous barbarian-
killing-monsters-with-sword/ax time.
Although I never had enough time to
play the game both as a good and bad
guy, I‘m aware of the choices you get to
make that affect which levels you play. I
also never experienced online play. But
according to Electronic Gaming Monthly,
you benefit by playing the online mode
after you have beaten the game offline.
All flaws aside, this game is worth your
time if you’re a fan of hack and slashes or
Diablo-esque games.
Grade: B+
—Dan Hoyt
Video games
Photos courtesy of www.IGN.com
18 Jayplay 03.03.05
I spent my honeymoon in Branson, Mo.
I could say don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it,
but I feel a bit dejected because two of my
best friends went to Jamaica and the
Bahamas for their honeymoons. It was a
nice trip, but sitting through the Dixie
Stampede just can’t stand up to lounging
in a hammock overlooking the crystal-
clear, blue waters of the Caribbean. I guess
I’ll chalk it up with the rest of the ideas I had
about marriage that, in the past two years,
simply didn’t play out as I expected.
Many girls spend their childhoods
dreaming about being married. They
dream of the tall, dark and handsome
prince who will sweep them off their feet
and carry them into a life of perfection. My
own dreams of marriage grandeur
included candle-lit dinners, romantic
vacations and, of course, a sex life to be
envied by all. Here are the harsh realities:
Grub time
Dinner is hardly candle-lit and rarely at
the dinner table. Our 1950s dinner table,
courtesy of my great grandmother, sits
folded in half in our dining/living/office
space. It is a magnet for transient papers,
homework and usually chocolate. I think
we’ve cleared it off maybe 10 times in two
years. No, we usually eat dinner on the
floor in front of the television. Although
we have TV trays, we’re just too lazy to use
them. Being the amazing chef that I am,
our dinner normally consists of ham-
burger helper, macaroni and cheese or —if
we’re lucky — spaghetti. I’m trying to
broaden my horizons as the budding cui-
sine-goddess woman of the household
that I should be, but who has the time? In a
world of fast-food ecstasy we often find
ourselves trying to justify a trip to El Mez-
cal or Subway after destroy-
ing our apartment looking for
money. Who needs to pay bills?
Imaginary vacations
As for romantic vacations, we spent a
weekend at a bed and breakfast that nearly
broke us. One night in a renovated barn in
the country with a pond, an indoor swim-
ming pool, a hot tub and a retreat of 50
middle-aged women. Aside from the cack-
ling, noisy women dancing above our
room, it was romantic. Because the
women were attending conferences and
spent most of their time together, the
heated pool and hot tub were all ours. Win-
dows looking out across the moonlit
countryside were all around us, and we
were in heaven. As bills stack up every
month, though, I’ve learned not to expect
vacations very often. We can’t afford a
road trip, let alone a cruise. And forget
about airplane tickets.
Sex
My husband and I chose not to have sex
before we were married. We had huge
expectations and no experience, but con-
trary to what movies and television tell
you, it’s not so easy the first time. At least it
wasn’t for us. Forget wedding night bliss.
We were so tired from the whole day that
we could barely move. Yes, the moment
we had waited four years for, the absolute
pinnacle of our wedding day, the cata-
clysmic, life-changing event ended with
both of us exhausted and asleep in each
other’s arms. It was wonderful to be
together, however. It was our first time
sleeping in a bed together, our first time
waking up together and our first road trip
together.
It’s
been challeng-
ing, however. It has taken these last two
years to semi-master the art of sex, but
then it’s only when we make the time.
Balancing act
Finding stability is one of the hardest
aspects of marriage. Simply put, men
need sex and women need emotional
closeness. That’s not to say that these
needs are exclusive to either gender, but
the two go hand in hand. Finding time for
sex before you’re married might be easier.
I wouldn’t know. But when those vows are
over and it’s a free romp for the rest of your
lives, it kind of takes a spot on the back
burner. When work, school, homework
and hobbies get in the way of your rela-
tionship, neither partner is being fulfilled.
But here’s the amazing part I’ve learned:
As women, the more focused we are on
fulfilling the sexual needs of our hus-
bands, the closer he feels to us and the
more emotional fulfillment we’ll see. Con-
sequently, the more we’ll enjoy and want
to have sex. It’s circular.
Aside from balancing sex with every-
thing else, finding time to be together also
can be difficult. My husband’s dreams of
knocking off The Edge, befriending Bono
and becoming the next rock god means he
spends a ton of time playing the guitar. I,
on the other hand, have become painfully
obsessed with reality TV, which leaves me
mesmerized for hours at a time. I don’t
want to sit and watch him play guitar, and
his ability to stare at the TV compares little
t o
mi ne.
So how do
we reconcile
and find quality time?
It takes prioritizing. Of course
we are the most important people in each
other’s lives, but we might take that for
granted sometimes. Going from the single
life, where you do whatever you want, to
constantly considering another person in
your decisions takes a lot of adjustment
and sacrifice.
Then and Now
Instead of splitting rent and bills with
three other people, it’s just the two of us
trying to eke our way through on one
salary. Doing the household chores now
means cleaning up after two people
instead of one, which might be my least
favorite part of marriage. Instead of hang-
ing out with many different people, it’s
usually just us. We used to think we’d die
before we saw each other again. Now,
when we are together, we’re probably
thinking about something else. Fighting
used to be escapable by going home. Now
that we share a home, we spend many late
nights working out our differences so we
don’t go to bed angry. But I still love wak-
ing up with my husband. I have someone
who shares my hopes and dreams. Some-
one who would stop the world to make me
feel better when I am sad. Someone who
never gets tired of holding my hand and
tells me I’m beautiful every day. Someone
I know I can count on, no matter what. Yes,
marriage is a lot of work, but I wouldn’t
trade it for anything in the world.
eshipps@kansan.com
By Erin Shipps, Jayplay writer
03.03.05 Jayplay 19
Marriage and the evil truths
I wish I would have known
Married
Young
Illustration by Scott Drummond
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