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November 18, 2010 life. and how to have one.


the hill
NOVEMBER 18, 2010 | volume 8, issue 13
23 pERSoNal ESSay
$15 9:30 pm Nov/20
Sam Adams
$14 9 pm
BONOBO Ashley Ray
$15 9 pm Nov/24
Tickets available
@ Box Office
Advance: $5 DOORS OPEN AT 9 PM
Ariel’s Pink Haunted
Wolf Parade
$15 9:30 pm
thurs | Nov 18TH FrI | Nov 19TH sAt | Nov 20TH sun | Nov 21ST mon | Nov 22ND tues | Nov 23RD wed | Nov 24TH
Live DueLing Pianos
Barrel House, 8 p.m.-2
a.m., $2-$3, 21+
The DeLTa sainTs
Granada, 9 p.m., $5-$7
naTure vs / MiDnighT
success / new
Jazzhaus, 9 p.m.-2
a.m., $3, 21+
neon Dance ParTy
Jackpot Music Hall,
$1-$5, 18+
Trivia cLash
Record Bar, 6:45 p.m.,
$5, 21+
Live DueLing Pianos
Barrel House, 8 p.m.-2
a.m., $2-$3, 21+
shearwaTer / DaMien
JuraDo / anni rossi
Jackpot Music Hall, 9
p.m., $10-$12, 18+

woLf ParaDe / ogre
you asshoLe
Granada, 9 p.m., $15-
$17, 18+
(DenMark) /
MouThbreaThers /
The freDs
Replay Lounge, 10
p.m.-2 a.m., $3, 21+

DJ Proof 100% vinyL
finaL PaTio show
Replay Lounge, 10
p.m.-2 a.m., $2-$3,

freeky friDays aT
Duffy’s wiTh DJ biz
Duffy’s, 8 p.m.-2 a.m.,
free, 21+

free PLay aT The
Replay Lounge, 3
p.m.-6 p.m., free, all
sunu / DuMPTruck
Jazzhaus, 8 p.m.-2
a.m., $3, 21+
ciTy youTh TheaTer:
eaT (iT’s noT abouT
Lawrence Arts
Center, 7:30 p.m.,
$5-$8, 10+

sweeT banD o’Mine
Bottleneck, 10 p.m.
kTP / The chase
Replay Lounge, 10

goLD LabeL souL,
eighTh sTreeT TaP
10 p.m.-2 a.m., $3,

saM aDaMs
Granada, 9 p.m., $15,
Bottleneck, 7:30 p.m.,
os MuTanTes / arieL
Pink’s haunTeD
Granada, 8 p.m., $19-

DaviD DonDero /
The Moaners (earLy
Jackpot Music Hall, 8
p.m., $8, all ages
Granada, 8 p.m., $14-
$16, all ages

originaL Music
Bottleneck, 9 p.m.,

Jazzhaus, 10 p.m.,
$1, 21+
TuesDay niTe swing
Kansas Union, 8
p.m.-11 p.m., free, all

Granada, 9 p.m.-
12:30 a.m., $3, 18+

My faTher’s gun
Granada, 9 p.m., $3,
all ages
TuesDay nighT
Wayne and Larry’s
Sports Bar & Grill, 9
p.m.-1:30 a.m., 21+
conroy’s Trivia
Conroy’s Pub, 7:30
p.m.-10 p.m., $5, 21+

ashLey ray
Granada, 8 p.m., $15,
all ages

PriDe nighT
Wilde’s Chateau 24, 9
p.m.-2 a.m., $5, 18+

$1 Drink Dance
Fatso’s, 10 p.m., 21+

biLLy sPeers anD The
beer beLLies
Johnny’s Tavern, 6
p.m., free, 21+
the Bottleneck
737 NEw HAmpSHiRE ST.
the JAckpot musIc hAll
the JAzzhAus
the replAy lounge
the eIghth st. tAproom
801 NEw HAmpSHiRE ST.
lAwrence Arts center
940 NEw HAmpSHiRE ST.
the grAnAdA
the pool room
925 iowA ST.
wIlde’s chAteAu 24
2412 iowA ST.
2222 w. 6TH ST.
conroy’s puB
3115 w. 6TH ST., STE. D
the Bottleneck
737 NEw HAmpSHiRE ST.
edItor | kELCi SHipLEy
AssocIAte edItor | ANNA ARCHibALD
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creAtIVe consultAnt | CARoL HoLSTEAD
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becoMe a fan of The ‘wescoe
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(785) 864-4810
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1000 Sunnyside Dr.
Lawrence, KS 66045
consistent sex but not something serious?
or random sex without names? maybe you
optimistically hope for a relationship —
or choose to abstain from sex altogether.
Take your pick.
And though the options may seem
liberating, it can cause problems. one
person can want a serious relationship
while the other wants to keep it casual.
This collision is why, above all, sex
complicates things. you can have it too
soon, too late, too often or too little.
Sex can mean nothing or it can mean
everything. And that’s where this very
special Jayplay issue comes in.
we’re here to talk about one-night
stands, orgasms, love and attraction,
fetishes and potentially complicated
relationships. A lot of thought, research
and discussion went into the issue, and we
hope you find our advice useful for your
own experiences. because even though
sex can be awkward and weird at times, it
can also be incredibly exciting and fun.

it’s a typical friday night. boy goes out to
bar. boy meets a pretty girl. girl flirts with
boy and accepts the drink boy buys for her.
boy asks girl to go home with him at the end
of the night. And one thing leads to another,
or so the story usually goes.
A study conducted by the Centers for
Disease Control and prevention found that
80 percent of college students have had
sex. but with our preference to recount the
evening in slang words, like “hooking up”
with someone or “shacking” somewhere,
do we really know what happened?
with the reliable run-around-the-bases
analogy long retired, our vague descriptions
of encounters leave the truth in the hands of
the people involved. Even if one thing didn’t
actually lead to another, more than likely
people assume that it did.
our definitions of relationships and sex
have become extremely blurred. Casual sex,
hooking up and “friends with benefits” seem
more prevalent than actual relationships. is
it a bad thing? maybe. maybe not. it depends
on what you’re looking for. Do you want
kelcI shIpley
> Tackle the sticky world of relationships.
kansas in heat // ORAL SEX
Mike anderson: From a guy’s perspective, oral
sex can be the ultimate in sexual arousal. This
is an opportunity for the guy to just lay back and
receive pleasure. And believe it or not, there are
ways to make this act even more pleasurable.
The frst tip I’d give for giving oral sex to a male is
to show enthusiasm. Nothing turns guys on more
than someone who is really into the sexual act.
Second, be sure to spend ample time
using your tongue to caress the corona (the
little ridge around the base of the head) and
especially the frenulum, the part of the corona
on the underside of the head. For the majority of
guys the frenulum is the most sensitive part of
the penis and the part that causes us to orgasm.
Third, move your head up and down so that
your lips caress as much of the shaft as you
can. Even though the shaft is less sensitive than
the other parts discussed earlier, it is still very
pleasurable to feel your mouth around as much
of the penis as possible.
Fourth, and maybe most importantly, while
providing oral caresses, use one hand or both
to stroke, cup his scrotum, or just provide
a body massage. Warm up your hands and
stroke the shaft while you move up and down
with your mouth, lips, and tongue. Alternating
sucking with licking of the head and shaft will
always feel great. Lastly, the best thing you can
do is get feedback. Check in with him to make
sure it isn’t too intense or light.
Mike Anderson, Dellwood, Minn. graduate student, is the host of Kansas in Heat, a talk show about sex and rela-
tionships that airs Wednesdays at 11 p.m. on KJHK, 90.7fm and at Michelle MacBain is his co-host.
Michelle MacBain: Listen up, guys. There
is more to oral sex than orally and manually
attacking that clitoris with lightning speed and
force — we have vibrators for that! Oral sex is
a uniquely pleasurable experience because of
the warm, wet, soft sensation of the mouth on
the genitals.
First, take your time. Kiss, lick, suck, and
caress the body. Since the skin is one of the
most powerful organs for sexual satisfaction,
fnd those hot spots all over her body and work
them! This will allow her to relax, release,
warm and open up! As you work your way to
the vagina, don’t forget about the labia majora,
the outer, larger labia just inside the inner thigh.
Warm this area with your mouth and gently pull
back each side to uncover the labia minora,
the inner, thin skin protecting the clitoris and
vaginal opening.
As the clitoris begins to swell, use your mouth
to lightly suck and encourage blood fow to the
area. Just like an uncircumcised penis, the
clitoris is protected by a layer of skin. The head
of the clitoris beneath this layer is extremely
sensitive. Expose this area by gently pulling
back the skin and uncovering the “head.” With
a strong, but not forceful, tongue, lick the clitoris
from bottom to top with long strokes. Alternate
this with gentle sucking. At this point, you might
want to use one hand to maintain the exposure
of the clitoris and insert one or two fngers of
the other hand into the vagina to stimulate the
Don’t forget, my friends, that all of these
techniques will be completely useless if you
don’t “tune in” to your partner’s physical and
verbal cues of satisfaction. Use those responses
to guide you in what is or isn’t working!
Do you have a question for Kansas in Heat?
Send it in to or check
out the Kansas in Heat Facebook page.
since 2007, kansas in heat has been answering all questions related to sex and relationships.
During that time i’d say that around 40 to 50 percent of our questions have surrounded one thing:
oral sex. everyone is interested in knowing what their partner thinks about oral sex, how to
convince their lover to give them oral sex, and, of course, how to get better at oral sex. since this
is the sex on the hill edition, we here at kansas in heat thought we’d give you the cliff notes on
anything ever written about how to give oral sex from a guy’s and girl’s perspective.
five questions // Milton Wendland & Brandon Woodard
> Two people. Five questions. See how they stack up. | BECCA HARSCH |
Milton Wendland
> Milton Wendland is a Graduate teachinG assistant in WoMen, Gen-
der and sexuality studies.

Brandon Woodard
> Brandon Woodard is a topeka sophoMore MajorinG in
HOw dO yOu dEfiNE SExuAliTy?
wHO dO yOu THiNk wANTS SEx
HOw dO yOu dEfiNE gENdER?
i think of sexuality as that combination of sensory and mental perception
and interpretation of the world around us. i think of it as more than just
sexual orientation. And i think sexuality goes beyond just sex or orgasm.
i defne sexuality as one’s desires and behaviors. different people have
different traits that they are attracted to, whether that be heterosexual,
homosexual or anything in between.
A solid relationship requires communication. if everyone is communicat-
ing honestly and openly, then the relationship can take almost any form
that people want it to take.
in any relationship there is always some sort of connection. while some
couples act like they’re fne with it, i feel that deep down there is always
a sense of jealousy that can ultimately ruin what would’ve been a decent
i think all humans have the potential to enjoy sex. Culturally, we tend to
teach women to suppress or control their sexual appetites, while men
are more often allowed to express those feelings.
men want sex more than women. That is a fact. men think about it more,
they generally seem to do it more (no pun intended), but it’s no secret
that guys want sex.
Sexuality is a part of human existence, and a one-night stand can be an
expression of that. One-night stands are problematic when they are non-
consensual, and when alcohol or drugs are involved. Sometimes people
mistake love and sex and this can be a problem.
One-night stands happen all of the time. it’s inevitable in college. But
they can sometimes get complicated depending on whether or not you
have to see that person in the real world outside of your bedroom. i think
they are fne, as long as people aren’t doing it every day.
Sex is the more biological part — genitals, hormones and chromosomes.
gender is how those differences are regulated and expressed — the
way we take up space, how some careers, and movies or objects are
‘for’ women or ‘for’ men. gender is not a bad thing, but it can limit us.
i think that sex is what is legally assigned to someone at birth, and gen-
der is what one identifes as, as an adult. while most commonly those
two remain the same, there are sometimes cases of people who later
identify as a different gender. it’s what one mentally feels like they are.
turn-ons: A really good sense of humor is a
great start. intelligence is always a big plus,
not school-wise, but in the worldly sense. good
noses. it has to ft the face perfectly — a bad
nose just throws off the whole thing. finally,
knowing when to have a good time, but also
being able to get serious when needed. i like
to have someone who can have pointless fun
with me but is also there for support and to be
turn-offs: i can’t stand people who choose
not to have an opinion. i feel like we have
so much potential to make an impact and
choosing to be indifferent is a big downer.
Why i’m a catch: i’m fun, spontaneous,
humble enough not to know what to say on
here, unique and engaging. And very easy to
talk to. i love listening to what anyone else has
to offer.
catch of the Week // SpenSer Fitzpatrick
> Our weekly peek at a fsh in the KU sea.
interests: i love flms — making them and
watching them. i’ve taken up yoga to relieve
stress recently, and i write whenever i have
time. i love to be outside and in warm weather.
give me a beautiful park or forest and i’m
pretty content. And zombies. i have an odd
fascination with zombies.
notices first in a potential
partner: A good sense of self. Clearly
nobody knows exactly who they are, but i need
somebody who’s pretty comfortable with who
they are now.
Film Media
intereSted in:
guys automatically assume a girl has “divided
by three” when revealing her number, so it might
not hurt for a girl to stretch the truth sometimes.
“If the guy asking seems like he’s quick to
make a judgment call, a little white lie could
prevent a firestorm of false assumptions,”
DeRosso says. If your partner insists on knowing
your exact number, Keane says it should be a
one-time conversation. She says both parties
should agree to never use the information in
an argument and understand that once it’s
discussed hat should be the end of it. However,
she says these agreements don’t always work
“Most times both will agree 100 percent, that
is until the next big fght and then boom it gets
used against one another in some way, shape or
form,” Keane says.
According to a 2004 survey by TNS Global
Market Research, American women report an
average of six sex partners in their lifetimes,
while men average about 20 partners. Keane
says people often embrace their “made up”
number before their true number. “Women tend
to downplay their number to seem like a ‘good
girl,’ while men tend to increase their number in
order to show their ‘manliness,’” Keane says.
These gender-specific tendencies are
supported by a 2007 study by the Journal of Sex
Research, which reported that undergraduate
men desire a significantly greater number of
sex partners than undergraduate women. Over
a one-year period, women were interested in an
average of one sex partner, while the average
man wanted about six partners. If these desired
numbers were accurate, they wouldn’t match
up with the actual numbers revealed in the TNS
Ultimately, you shouldn’t let your number of
partners defne you.“Whether you’ve had a lot
of experience or none, being with someone you
enjoy and are willing to be sexually open with
should be enough,” Keane says.
What’s in
Photo illustration | Adam Buhler
Adding up: Tough you and your partner may
have varying numbers when it comes to sexual
conquests, it’s important to discuss the matter
with respect for one another.
How to tactfully reveal (or witHHold) your number of sexual partners
Imagine you’ve been dating someone for a
while and you think you’re ready to have sex
with him or her for the frst time. But frst, your
new partner wants to know just how many
people you’ve slept with. You’re faced with two
choices — if you say a number too low you could
be seen as inexperienced, say a number too high
and you might look like you get around. So what
should you do?
When Kelsey, Tecumseh senior, is asked how
many partners she’s had, she says she doesn’t
lie, but she does what’s necessary to avoid
being judged. “I just give an estimate — if I give
a ballpark number then I’m not technically lying
but I don’t have to worry about them knowing my
exact number,” Kelsey says.
Though it may be tempting to lie about your
number, Dr. David Eigen, psychologist and author
of Men—The Gods of Love and Women—The
Goddesses of Wisdom, says that the long-term
consequences of lying are worse than the
potential argument revealing your true number
might cause.
“Inside we all know when someone is lying
— it may be just an uncomfortable feeling or
underlying distrust but it’s there,” Eigen says.
“Never lie, trust is earned and by being truthful
you create trust.”
Eigen suggests revealing your number in
a way similar to the way Kelsey describes. He
says that if you don’t want to discuss your past
in detail you should tell your partner what you
learned and how you’ve grown from your past
top 10 tHings
your girl sHouldn’t Know

10. Your actual conquest count. Give
a rough estimate instead of an exact
9. Where your money goes. Giving an
approximate salary is fne but she doesn’t
need to know where your extra cash goes
each month.
8. Ongoing parental dependency—
She doesn’t need to know just how
much you depend on mom and dad
7. Your weaknesses and fears. It’s fne
if she fnds out on her own, but don’t admit
all the things that make you cry like a little
6. Your bathroom activities. She doesn’t
need to know the size, aroma or frequen-
cy of your trips to the toilet.
5. Your friends’ moral shortcomings. Tell-
ing her all your friends’ secrets will just
cause her to not like them, not to trust
them and will make hanging out impos-
4. Your masturbation schedule. She
doesn’t have to know your schedule and
3. Your cheating past. If you let her know
about past indiscretions she’ll think “once
a cheater, always a cheater” and will al-
ways be second-guessing you.
2. Your ex-girlfriend memorabilia. The
moment she fnds out that something in
your place is connected to an ex she’ll im-
mediately want that item gone.
1. Your ex-girlfriend memories. If some-
thing reminds you of an ex, keep that story
to yourself. Your girl will either think you’re
still hung up on your ex or that she isn’t as
much fun. The past is the past.
Though she’s been surprised by some of her
partners’ numbers, Kelsey says she’s never
looked at them differently, because she feels
like there’s an explanation behind someone’s
While it’s human nature to be curious, Dr.
Sybil Keane, psychologist and relationship
expert on, says there are more
important issues for couples to focus on than
each other’s past. She says that your partner’s
past has nothing to do with your lives together
and should be avoided if possible because the
consequences could be lethal to a relationship.
“A person may think they want the truth when
knowing it may cause distress or feelings of
ineptness in their relationship,” Keane says.
John, St. Louis graduate, says that if a girl
asked him to reveal his number, he’d try to direct
his answer in a way that would avoid giving the
exact number. Though he’s never had a girlfriend
ask about his past, he says he usually lies when
the topic comes up in conversation because the
number of girls he’s slept with would surprise his
“Overall it’s just a number and not every girl
that I’ve slept with was sex that I enjoyed,” John
says. “I’m at a point in my life where having sex
just to have sex isn’t my main goal.”
John is not alone in his feeling that avoiding
the truth could be beneficial at times. Tony
DeRosso, relationship expert and founder of, says a lot of
Sex sells: For Allison Ortego, manager of Cirilla’s,
selling sex-related merchandise has lost its
uneasy feeling. Te store sells everything from
porn to bachelorette party supplies to lube and
hands-free sex. It’s one of the best vibrators
we have,” she says. The We-Vibe can be
used on its own and also during sex.
in the life of // A Sex Store MAnAger
> Living vicariously through others is okay with us.
Some people may feel uncomfortable
selling a giant vibrator or flavored lube to a
stranger, but it’s a routine for Allison Ortego.
Ortego doesn’t give a purchase like this a
second thought after working as the store
manager at Cirilla’s, 1206 W. 23rd St., for two
years. Though Ortego acts as any other retail
manager, the merchandise is quite different.
At 8:30 a.m. Ortego gets the store ready
to open. She orders new products, takes
inventory and helps customers throughout
the day. Ortego says she sees customers
ranging from old men purchasing porn during
the day to couples and college students later
at night. She says she often deals with prank
phone calls from older men and young teens.
Ortego says Cirilla’s sells a wide variety of
porn. She says she feels like she knows the
porn stars personally because every day she
sees them in compromising positions and
reads about them in magazines.
At a steep cost of $105.95, Ortego says her
favorite item in the store is the We-Vibe. “The
We-Vibe fits internal contours and is like
| AMAndA KiStner |
Contributed photo
drag queens, slapstick comedy, pipes, gams,
thrills and spills.” The show starts at 10pm, is
$7 at the door, and is for adults only, ages 21
and up.
get some culture // burleSque
> It’s not all about fast food and beer pong..

The Kansas Ci ty Soci ety of Burl esque
entertains and titillates their audience by
blending comedy, glamour, and innovative
performing art. Their naughty, bawdy variety
show that “tickles, teases, and pleases”
features dancers clad in fishnets, corsets,
ruffed panties, sequins and feather boas, while
singing, dancing and strip-teasing. The KCSOB
will perform at The Granada on Nov. 27.
Annie Cherry, a performer in the show,
describes it as “song, dance, humor, and boobs.
What could be better than sexy, confident
men and women enjoying themselves for your
voyeuristic pleasure?”
The show includes all the ingredients that
make a burlesque show truly extraordinary,
Cherry says. Live vocalists sing, blondes,
brunettes, and redheads dance, a talented
drag queen performs, and there will also be a
handsome gentleman pantomime comic.
What makes live entertainment fun and
exciting is the fact that it only happens once,
Cherry says. “We really have something for
everyone: sexy stripteases, political parodies,
| AMAndA KiStner|
Contributed photo
Striptease: Get your voyeuristic self on and
go see the Kansas City Society Of Burlesque
entertain their audience with everything from
singing, dancing and stripteasing.
essential life skills // CondoMS
> In case of emergency, read quickly.
Sex is an intimate and vital part of our lives.
Most people know and practice safe sex
but there are things you may not know about
“I always knew condoms were used to
prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted
infections,” says Nick Packauskas, Hays
graduate student. “But there are important
things to know about condoms that I never
thought of before.”
For both the experienced and inexperienced
person, it is important to know how to handle a
condom before having sex.
“This may not be a big issue, but experimenting
and knowing what you want out of sex plays
a part in what condoms you choose,” Olivia
Burchett, education and outreach coordinator
for Douglas County AIDS project, says.
For instance, favored condoms work for oral
sex, but can cause irritation and rashes if used
for vaginal or anal sex.
Lubricated condoms create less friction
and are therefore less likely to break during
sex. Water based lubrication is the best bet
because oil-based condoms, or substituting
non-lubricated condoms with baby oil or
Vaseline, are more likely to break.
| Jon herMeS |
Use non-lubricated condoms for sex in
the shower because water-based condoms
deteriorate quicker.
Remember, when putting the condom on
pinch the tip to prevent air from building up
inside. To be safe, make sure that the person
whose fuids are on the outside of the condom
is the one to remove it after sex.
Don’t be afraid to experiment with different
kinds of condoms.
“Go with your partner and fnd one that you
like together,” Burchett says. “This is another
form of intimacy and connection that can
make your sex life safer and more enjoyable.”
Safe sex: Not only is important to use condoms
to prevent pregnancy and STDs during sex,
but diferent condoms should be used based
on variation of sexual acts.
Contributed photo
Not satisfed in bed? You are not alone. A
2006 Durex Sexual Well-being Survey found
that of 26,000 people only 44 percent were
completely satisfed in bed.
If you are part of the 56 percent who is
not satisfed, don’t give up just yet. There are
hundreds of ways you can spice up your sex
life. Karen Harrison, a certifed sex therapist
from Kansas City, Mo., recommends using the
Trojan Vibrating Ring. It is a rubber, battery-
powered ring that slides onto the base of the
penis and stimulates the clitoris. “Most women
are not able to orgasm from penetration alone,”
Harrison says. “Stimulation from the ring helps,
and it doesn’t require any effort from either
Kelsey Myers and her boyfriend have been
using the Trojan Vibrating Ring for several
weeks. “Our sex is a lot more exciting now,”
says Myers, Wichita senior. “The ring has made
a huge difference and it feels great.”
Watching educational sex flms and looking
through sex books can also help spice up
Better OptiOns fOr Bad situatiOns //
Spice up your Sex life
> If you’re going to do it, be smart.
| JACquE WEbER |
your sex life, says Isadora Alman, a certifed
sexologist and licensed psychotherapist and
counselor in Alameda, Cali. books and flms
can teach you about erotic massage, oral sex
and different sex positions. Alman recommends
that couples talk about what they see and give
each other ideas about what they might want to
try. She says maintaining open communication
is vital.
Contributed photo
Can’t get no satisfaction: A Durex survey revealed
that 56 percent of participants are not sexually
satisfed when having sex. However, trying new
things like the Trojan Vibrating Ring can help.
| jAcquE wEbEr |
One and done: Many college students experience the emotional and/or physical efects of having a one-night stand. If you’re thinking about sleeping
with someone for one night only, consider your expectations and what you want out of the experience before jumping in the sack.
Photo illustration | Ben Pirotte
when jessica Koch moved to Lawrence last
july she and her roommates decided to have
a house-warming party. After drinking seven
beers and taking four shots of vodka, Koch was
drunk. “I remember meeting the frst 15 people
or so, but after that I really don’t remember the
rest,” says Koch, wichita junior.
Although Koch didn’t remember everyone she
met, one guy in particular caught her eye. “He
was so cute. He had tanned skin, dark-brown
eyes and an irresistible smile.” Koch and her
new crush firted for the rest of the night and
ended up making out. “One thing led to another
and the next thing I knew we were waking up
next to each other,” Koch says. “I never saw
him again after that. I really regret getting that
The aftermath of having a one-night stand
depends on the expectations of each person
involved and the circumstances in which it
occurs. Koch regarded her one-night stand as a
negative experience because alcohol clouded
her judgment and led her to do something she
regretted. but for some people, a one-night
stand can be a positive experience used to
express oneself sexually in a fun and exciting
when dealing with one-night stands, Dr. john
wade, outreach coordinator for counseling and
psychological services at Ku, says it is important
to enter into each situation with awareness
and clear communication about each person’s
expectations. Instead of focusing on the
immediate situation, people should think about
the long-term effects of their actions. “You need
to think about how you are going to feel the next
day or even a week from now before you act,”
wade says.
The attraction to one-night stands is different
for different people. Dr. Neil cannon, a certifed
sex therapist and couples counselor in Denver,
colo., says some college students use one-
night stands as a way to explore their sexuality
and exercise their independence from mom and
dad. “college campuses are rich with young
people who are not married or in long-term
relationships, yet their hormones are swirling
like a summer tornado,” cannon says. “Good
sex is pleasurable, and for some, it is a relief
from the stress of school.”
Michael Kells has had three one-night stands
in the past three years and says they were all
good experiences. “before coming to Ku I was
in a relationship with the same girl for three
years and she didn’t like to try new things or be
playful,” says Kells, Fort worth, Texas, junior.
“Through my one-night stands, I was able to try
things I hadn’t done before and it was fun.”
Kells says his experiences were positive
because he always kept open communication
with each girl. “before we would hook up, we
would always talk about what kind of contact
we wanted from each other afterward so that
neither of us got hurt,” Kells says.
Karen Harrison, a certifed sex therapist from
Kansas city, Mo., says a one-night stand can be
a fun way to experiment and try something new
and exciting, like it was for Kells. However, she
warns people that one-night stands are not all
about the fun. There is responsibility involved.
“One of the most negative things people can
do is not use protection and end up pregnant
or with an STD,” Harrison says. She says using
protection is a must.
Alcohol can also turn a one-night stand into a
negative experience for one or both individuals
involved. Harrison says when people are under
the infuence they may do things they wouldn’t
normally because they feel less inhibited. “This
might make you act outside of your morals,
causing you to experience shame and guilt,”
Harrison says. She advises people to limit their
alcohol to a few drinks and to always stick with
a friend they can trust while drinking.
The ups and downs of one-nighT sTands
4More than one in fve Americans is infect-
ed with genital herpes. (Source: U.S. Cen-
ters for Disease Control and Prevention)
4One quarter of those living with HIV don’t
know they have it. (Source: U.S. Centers for
Disease Control and Prevention)
4 There are more than 3 million unintended
pregnancies each year.
(Source: The National Campaign to Prevent
Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy)
4Thirty percent of young women become
pregnant by the age of 20. (Source: The
National Campaign to Prevent Teen and
Unplanned Pregnancy)
// ThaT’s a wrap //
Using a condom each time you have a sexual
encounter is a must. Check out these shocking

4Nearly two-thirds of all STDs occur in
people younger than 25 years old.
(Source: National Institutes of Health)
4 In the United States, more than 65
million people are currently living with
an incurable STD. (Source: U.S. Centers
for Disease Control and Prevention)

Feline fantasy: Tough the word “fetish” may
scare some people away, in today’s society it
is more commonly used to describe a sexual
preference, not just a freaky act.
What’s in a name? Apparently, a lot. Fetish.
The word can ignite distinct mental images.
Handcuffs. Leather. Golden Showers. Spankings.
Whips. Nurse costumes. Basically what a fetish
boils down to, right? Wrong. A sexual fetish can
be a lot of different things. You need an alarm
clock to go off to have an orgasm? That would
be a fetish. You’re only attracted to obese,
blonde men? That might be one too. You can’t be
sexually aroused by someone who is not clean-
shaven in his or her pubic area? You probably
have a fetish.
A fetish can be both a sexual need and a
sexual want. It’s hard to get experts to agree
on what a fetish actually is, but they do agree
that the negative social connotation associated
with it has made it into a taboo. Dossie Easton,
author of When Someone You Love is Kinky,
says she defnes a fetish as a sexual delight that
someone believes is sick, wrong or too far out.
For Mark, a graduate student from Orlando,
Fla., it seems very little is too far out. He claims
to have a fetish for “trying new things.” He
says he doesn’t need any particular thing to
happen on a regular basis, but he does need to
t a b o o
How couples deal witH fetisHes
constantly explore new sexual ventures. Often,
his girlfriends have been willing to explore with
him, but that’s not always the case.
“I go in knowing the parameters and the
limits, but I’m always willing to test them,” Mark
says. He is currently in a relationship in which
his girlfriend is also willing to try new things.
His frst comment about his fetish was that
over the weekend he had given his girlfriend a
“rim job” for the frst time. The act involves oral
stimulation to the anus of the recipient.
“I had never done anything like that, but
I’ve always wanted to,” Mark says. “We just
kind of went with it, but we talked about it
Communicating openly about one’s desires
is not something a lot of couples are able to
do, but for those who are, experts say they
will have a much more gratifying and intimate
sexual relationship.
Having “tHe talk”
Sexual adventure doesn’t always come so
naturally to Mark as his rim job experience
did. In some relationships, he says he and his
partner talk about what they are going to try
beforehand. This was the case when he and a
past girlfriend decided to give golden showers
a try.
Mark says he had been thinking about
trying something new to switch things up.
He hadn’t planned it ahead of time, but when
she mentioned that she needed to use the
restroom, he suggested she do it on him. people
who experience sexual pleasure from golden
showers either enjoy urinating on someone else
or being urinated on by their partner.
“She was hesitant at frst, but she said ‘alright,
I’ll give it a try,’” Mark says. “It felt pretty good,
but she wanted me to return the favor and I
couldn’t because I had stage fright.”
Mark says communication about his fetish
for exploring new practices has been key in
his past, as well as current, relationships.
Experts agree that discussing fetishes openly,
regardless of how intimidating it may seem, is
well worth the pay off.
Having the courage to sit down and discuss
your fetish and what it does for you can be
healing, says Carol Queen, sexologist and
columnist for Good Vibrations Magazine. She
says some people are nervous to even mention
a fetish to their partner because they feel it’s
bizarre, have been made to feel embarrassed by
it in the past or have had a former partner react
negatively to experimenting with them.
“With some couples, it can be very healing
to have your partner explain how their fetish
tends to manifest importance in their sexuality
because in itself, the conversation is an intimacy
building exercise,” Queen says.
She says college students today, unlike past
generations, are generally open to exploring
their sexuality and are much more willing to
understand that not everyone is the same
sexually. She says this alone should vest young
people with more confdence in talking about
fetishes openly.
Still, she acknowledges that many people
feel ashamed about fetishes they have and are
inclined to keep them secret. Queen says it’s
never too early to talk about sexual desires.
This is a hurdle Mike, a 2010 graduate
from Leawood, says he has not been able to
overcome. He has yet to have a relationship
last longer than two or three months, and says
he hasn’t felt he has ever reached a level of
intimacy in which he felt comfortable talking
about some of his sexual fantasies.
Despite his passive personality, he says he
tends to like intelligent, driven girls who are
willing to dominate the relationship. He hasn’t
dared try it yet, but says he would like to try a
toned-down version of S&M one day.
“I’ve always envisioned that I would enjoy the
submissive end,” Mike says. “It’s not something
I’ve ever done, but I think I would like to try
domination and humiliation type of stuff.” He
says he would be interested in using handcuffs
with someone he feels comfortable with, but
hasn’t had the opportunity to venture that far in
his past short-term relationships.
Talking about sexual fantasies might require
a couple to reach a certain level of intimacy, but
it may also be a way to combat mundanity for
long-term couples. Mike Anderson, a doctoral
student in communications who studies healthy
communication in romantic relationships, says
it’s important for couples to explore fantasies in
order to avoid coming to a sexual stalemate.
“people who communicate their sexual likes
and dislikes have better sexual satisfaction,
which is related to better relationship
satisfaction,” Anderson says. “Exposing a
sexual fetish allows us to reap the benefts of
knowing about our partner’s sexual likes and
having access to an avenue of variety and
experimentation in the bedroom.”
Studies have repeatedly found that couples
who experiment with sexual variety are
much happier than those who don’t. Sexual
relationships tend to become routine over time,
but Anderson says this is the easiest way to
prevent that from happening.
Key to discussing experimentation,
Anderson says, is communicating your desire
for the fetish to remain private. He says people
are often afraid their partner might share the
information with someone else, but discussing
your desire for privacy will help ensure that the
trust will not be broken.
Examining the reasons why people tend not
to talk about fetishes and fantasies is a focus of
Anderson’s work. Though he has yet to reach
a conclusion, he speculates people either feel
their sexual desire will be viewed as deviant or
they’re afraid their partner will be unwilling to
try out their fetish.
“Chances are, if you’re a female in a
relationship with a guy and you’re scared to
tell him what your fetish is, you shouldn’t be,”
Anderson says, “Because it’s probably not
nearly as raunchy as what the guy has in his
mind about what he wants to do sexually.”
Anderson says when approaching your
partner, you should be careful not to make him
or her feel inadequate. He says letting your
partner know that “you please me in the sexual
arena, but you know what would really please
me? You’d be all ears.”
Ready foR the next step?
But how do you know if you’re ready to “go
there” yet? Depending on the fetish, it can be
easy. For Elizabeth, a graduate student from
Iola, getting what she wants sexually is as
simple as pulling a guy towards a wall.
“I really like doing it up against the wall,”
Elizabeth says. “Most guys will just go for it.
They’re so distracted anyway, they don’t really
Just making out up against the wall turns
Elizabeth on and most guys don’t fght it. Though
her fetish isn’t socially stigmatized, she says
she ‘d be willing to initiate anything she wants
because she assumes that guys are willing to
try almost anything a girl can think of.
Elizabeth says she would prefer to have sex
up against the wall regularly, but if her partner
didn’t feel the same way, she’d be willing to
compromise. “I’d say ‘Hey, every once in awhile
let’s do it my way and then every once in awhile
let’s do it your way,’” Elizabeth says. Though
Elizabeth may be willing to meet her partner
halfway, not all people are able to do so.
When Dylan, a senior from Overland Park,
let his girlfriend shave his butt before she gave
him a rim job, he knew it wasn’t something he’d
do again. The couple showers together every
night and he says “she shaves my bum every
now and then,” but on his 22nd birthday, she
decided to also shave between his cheeks and
give him a rim job for the frst time.
“It was kind of relaxing because we were
in the shower, but at the same time I wasn’t
anticipating it,” Dylan says. “I liked it, but I
didn’t love it.”
He’s not sure why she wanted to give him a
rim job and he says he doesn’t want to know.
It was something he was willing to try, but
didn’t fnd sexually pleasurable enough to do
again. He says he has allowed his girlfriend to
continue shaving his butt because he knows
she prefers him to be clean-shaven.
Experts say couples like Dylan and his
girlfriend who experiment openly are likely to
beneft from trying. The same experts say that
disclosing the truth about your fetish can be
more diffcult depending on the degree to which
the practice is associated with deviance.
Before his current relationship, Mark,
from Orlando, participated in what is socially
regarded as more extreme forms of sexual
exploration. While he was single this summer,
he visited Club Erotica KC in Kansas City three
times. Visiting a swinger’s club had always
been on his bucket list, so he decided to take
a chance.
He says the frst time he visited, he delivered
oral sex to a woman while her husband
watched. Mark says giving oral sex is his
favorite sexual act. The woman wanted to
return the favor, but Mark says he was too
uncomfortable to go through with it. Though
Continued on page 14
existence of a fetish alone.
Dossie Easton, author and sex expert, says
avoiding the negative side of fetishes is as easy
as saying “no.” She says that if your partner’s
fetish actively distresses you, you can choose
not to participate, and if you and your partner
have an open relationship, either of you can fnd
satisfaction elsewhere.
“Most of the problems caused by fetishes
devolve from forbidding or pathologizing them,”
Easton says. “I think most everyone can enjoy
some ornamentation in their sex life. I agree with
Kinsey when he states that the only unnatural
act is one which cannot be performed.”
play a production assistant role in satisfying a
fetish, rather than a lover to the person with the
Dr. Sandra Scantling, a sex and intimacy
therapist, gave an example of how this can
become a problem by describing a teddy bear
fetish. The fetishes she sees most involve
inanimate objects. In this case, a woman must
have a teddy bear present in order to reach
climax. She says in most cases fetishes are
accepted, but “when things start to get crowded
in the bedroom” couples will begin to resent the
fetish. She says that as long as no one is hurt
and both parties are willing participants, the
relationship will probably not suffer from the
new to them. He says people sometimes choose
to leave immediately, but those who choose to
stay even if they’re nervous, generally end up
coming back.
When fetishes go Wrong
Given Mark’s need for adventure, there is
no room for sexual close-mindedness in his
romantic relationships. In fact, a past girlfriend’s
inability to explore ended their relationship.
“She was so hesitant to try anything new that
it became a deal breaker,” Mark says. “It was
just tough to overcome that.”
Sexologist Carol Queen says fetishes can
cause relationship problems for couples for two
major reasons: the person cares more about
satisfying their fetish than intimacy with their
partner or one of the people has a fetish that
the other just can’t handle.
“Sometimes it’s ‘I can’t go there with you’
and sometimes it’s ‘I can’t stand it that you go
there,’” Queen says. She says some people
have secret fetish lives — choosing never to
disclose a fetish to a partner, but satisfying it
independently — so meeting halfway is often
enough to save a relationship, yet few reach
that level of compromise.
When someone decides to explore their
partner’s sexual fetish, but rarely has their own
needs met, the relationship is likely to end.
Queen says people sometimes feel like they
this wasn’t a sexually satisfying encounter for
Mark, he was contributing to the husband’s
voyeuristic fetish.
His third and fnal trip was more adventurous.
After giving oral sex to a woman, he “ended
up having intercourse with her while she was
eating out another girl and her fancé was
getting that girl from behind.”
Although he enjoyed his experiences at
Club Erotica KC, Mark says he doesn’t plan
on retuning anytime soon because his current
girlfriend wouldn’t be willing to go with him.
Mark can accept that because she is still willing
to explore her sexuality at home.
Though going to a nudist, exhibitionist,
voyeuristic swinger’s club might sound “far out”
for some, the owner says about 50 percent of
his patrons are college-aged. The man known
as Poker opened the establishment in 2000 to
promote sexual exploration and open sensuality
in a “comfortable, house party” setting.
“I give people a place to explore their
fetishes because a lot of times these things
have become so taboo that they can’t be talked
about,” Poker says. “People have the wrong
idea about swingers. It’s all about enriching
couples’ relationships with each other and
fnding people you can share with.”
Before having to pay the entry fee, Poker
gives visitors a tour of the house, during “party
hours”, so they can decide if they are interested
in staying to try things that may or may not be
| mOlly marTIN |
wescoe wit
> Lol.
Have you overheard any Wescoe witticisms?
Become a fan on Facebook and your post could
be published in Jayplay!
Did you guys have imaginary friends?
actually, I made friends with the squirrels
in my backyard.
GiRL 2:
GiRL 1:
GiRL 3:
Who’s your man crush?
my friend Dan. Who’s yours?
Christian Bale.
GUY 2:
GUY 1:
GUY 1:
We should send stuff to the troops
overseas, like toothbrushes and peanuts.
and something fun.
GiRL 2:
GiRL 1:
GiRL 1:
The best strategy for playing beer pong: don’t
wear any pants. It distracts the opponents.
Word. GUY:
a girl in my class wears ears. One day, it was Pokemon
ears. Today, it’s koala ears. Tomorrow… Cat ears?
GiRL 1:
What do you put on your front porch if
you don’t put sofas on them?
GiRL 1:
I can literally taste that there is less alcohol in my new
bottle of mouthwash than in my last one.
GiRL 1:
GiRL 2:
Do you think it insults my teachers when I just whip out
a 5-Hour Energy and drain it on the spot?
GiRL 1:
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Photo illustration | Howard Ting
Can rewarding relationships develop out of Casual sex?
When Austen Hensley and his ex-girlfriend
started spending time together, they had
no intention of entering a monogamous
relationship. “Neither of us were looking for
anything serious,” says Hensley, Wichita junior.
“The more we talked and hung out, the more we
just kind of fell into it.”
Hensley says they had been “hooking up” for
about a month before they decided to make it
offcial. Though the relationship lasted three and
a half years, Hensley is still skeptical about the
quality of long-term relationships that develop
out of casual sex or “friends with benefts.”
“They could work if the two people truly
cared enough about each other,” Hensley says.
“But in my experience, when you actually get
to know the person beforehand, it works a little
Hensley may be right. In a study released in the
Social Science Research journals, researchers
surveyed 642 heterosexual adults to measure
the quality of their serious relationships.
Anthony Paik, an assistant professor of
sociology at the University of Chicago, who
headed the study, says it suggests that
relationships are more rewarding for people
who delay sex. But, it’s not just because the
couples decided to wait.
“The quality of relationships might deal
directly with who is in those relationships,
rather than the manner in which they were
initiated,” Paik says. “Some hook-ups do lead
to a long-lasting relationship, but most of them
don’t because people are either not looking
for that or are predisposed to low relationship
Paik says people who are prone to fnding
relationships unrewarding tend to seek out
purely casual hookups. But, people interested
in establishing relationships are just as happy
about “hooking up” as those who enter serious
relationships traditionally. He says you’re more
likely to fnd a good match by delaying sexual
involvement, simply because you share similar
long-term expectations.
“When people don’t delay sexual involvement,
| mEgAN RUPP |
there’s a good chance that one or both partners
will leave or end the relationship very quickly
because a long-term commitment is generally
not what they’re looking for,” Paik says.
Paik says the study suggests that because
expectations are so low, casual dating may
not be the best way to develop a long-term
relationship. He says being casual doesn’t give
people looking for true love the opportunity to
screen out non-romantic people with different
But monogamy isn’t for everyone. Omri
gillath, an assistant professor of social
psychology, says the concepts of “friends with
benefts,” staying single for life and having non-
traditional families are less stigmatized today
than in the past, allowing people to feel more
secure about about things like having casual
sex. Though casual sex has become a trend,
he says people’s opportunity for monogamy has
more to do with their own expectations than
their sex practices.
“If you’re having sex just for the heck of it,
monogamy might not be something you’re
interested in,” gillath says. “But if you’re having
sex because you’re in love or falling in love,
exclusivity can still be a possibility in a casual
sex situation.”
gillath says sexual strategies depend on the
short-term or long-term goals that you have in
mind. He says that as people begin to invest
more time in their careers, they think less about
committing to relationships. “Friends with
benefts,” then, becomes a convenient way to
establish casual relationships.
This “friends with benefts” approach worked
for Libbey Barry, St. Louis senior, who began her
relationship with no serious intentions. She and
her boyfriend met shortly after they had each
ended long-term relationships, but have now
been dating for more than a year.
“I had just broken up with my boyfriend
and he had just broken up with his girlfriend,
so we both just wanted to hang out and keep
each other company because we were kind of
lonely,” Barry says. “It was defnitely nothing
Keep it casual: Although having a hook-up buddy can be convenient, be careful what you wish for.
If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, casual sex may not be the way to go. Relationship
quality increases when partners delay sexual satisfaction.
serious, we would just hang out a couple nights
a week.”
Barry says the two had known each other
before their break-ups, but developed a “friends
with benefts” relationship shortly after. She
says what started as a fun, casual hook-up
turned into an offcial relationship after only
two months of seeing each other. As they grew
closer, the two started talking about how their
inital expectations had changed and realized
they both wanted the relationship to move in a
new direction.
Communicating with your partner about
your relationship expectations is key to making
something more out of casual sex. For two
people not looking for a serious relationship,
casual sex may be the way to go. Otherwise,
delaying sex and getting to know someone may
be a better option. That way, you know you both
have similar long-term expectations.
| by CaITlIN mCCOrmICk / as TOld by mOlly marTIN |
What it’s like // To be in love
> We know you’re curious ...
I had the biggest crush on this boy in my
high school chemistry class. bret Imgrund
was a junior; I was a sophomore. He fnally
noticed me at a party. at the beginning of the
night he didn’t know my name, but by the end,
we were holding hands.
some people are the type who always want
to be in relationships. Not me. but soon after
our frst date on New year’s Eve, bret was
more than just the cute boy in my chemistry
class. I didn’t think our relationship would be
anything serious. after a few months, girls
would ask me, “Oh, do you love him?” and I
would laugh and say, “No, I’m 17 years old.”
I did fall in love with bret, but not until I was
in college. I think I loved him in high school, but
I needed to grow up and mature to understand
what love really is. I can’t say why I love him,
but I can say what I love about him.
my weaknesses are his strengths. I worry
and get stressed out easily — he’s relaxed and
laidback. He’s very affectionate and loving, but
not the person who is overly gooey or mushy.
I had days when I wanted to call it quits. but
he pulled us through. We’ll be together for six
Contributed photo
Head over heels: Caitlin McCormick says
falling in love with her boyfriend took time and
emotional maturity. Te two are now engaged
after he popped the question after ice skating at
Crown Center.
years in January.
Every year we go on a date to Crown Center
in kansas City, mo., where we like to go ice-
skating. last december, as we were walking
around the fountain courtyard, he was telling
me how much he loves me. This didn’t surprise
me — the date is always special and romantic.
but what happened next did. He pulled me in
and asked me to marry him. The only emotion
I felt was shock. Is this really happening? Of
course I said yes. after I called my parents with
the news, I fully realized that yes, this is actually
happening. I couldn’t stop smiling.
celebritWeets // oMGFacTssex (@oMGFacTs)
| TakEN FrOm TWITTEr.COm by mOlly marTIN |
The average man reaches his sexual peak when he’s 17 or 18 years old.
2:56 PM Nov 9th
The “fufer” is the woman who, between takes, helps keep the male porn actor’s
erection going.
8:06 PM Nov 8th
Almost all cases of fetishism, exhibitionism, and zoophilia are reported to be al-
most exclusively male.
12:06 AM Nov 8th
The Kama Sutra contains 10 types of kisses, 64 caresses, 8 versions of oral sex,
and 84 sex positions.
6:06 PM Nov 7th
A male fetus is capable of an erection in the last trimester.
11:00 PM Nov 6th
The movie “Deep Throat” is the most proftable porno of all time.
5:00 PM Nov 6th
It’s impossible to get pregnant from a man’s frst ejaculation. It takes 1-3 years
after this before it becomes potent.
7:10 PM Nov 4th
94% of men say they masturbate, while 80% of women do it.
2:00 PM Nov 1st
Men experience an average of four to fve erections during sleep..
3:50 PM Oct 28th







order online at
This is your brain
PET scans. By doing so, they were able to show
the sequence of brain areas that become active
leading up to, and during orgasm. Komisaruk
and his colleagues presented their step-by-
step fndings earlier this week at the Society for
Neuroscience’s annual meeting.
First to be activated in the minutes leading up
to orgasm are the sensory areas that process
the physical stimuli that have been sent via the
spinal cord to the brain. Then the amygdala
(regulates emotion and fear) and hippocampus
(behavioral inhibition) begin to light up, followed
by the climaxing rush of dopamine let out by the
nucleus accumbens and spread throughout the
Before we get the reward of dopamine,
we’re hit with shots of neuropenphrine and
epinephrine (adrenaline) that are responsible
for the raised blood pressure, awareness, and
tingly sensation described during orgasm. On
top of that, both men, and especially women,
receive secretions of the hormone oxytocin,
which causes feelings of attachment.
Oxytocin is responsible for much more, says
University biologist David Pendergrass, who
gives seminars on the role of sex in the brain.
“It’s probably the reason why having
intercourse with your partner more frequently
actually contributes to you staying together as
a couple,” he says.
Pendergrass also suggests that “better” sex
propels more oxytocin into the bloodstream,
thus making a woman more prone to attachment
with that individual. So not only does the brain
control the initial arousal that inspires sex
and the pleasures that are a product of it, but
also the long-term attachment that produces
relationships. “It’s all in your brain. It starts and
ends there,” he says. Jp
This is your brain on drugs sex.
The above are a female and male student’s
description of what the French call “le petite
mort,” or “ the little death” — a metaphor they
use to explain the brief spiritual release that
accompanies an orgasm.
Though you might think of sex as a physical
sensation, it all starts in your head. So exactly
what parts of the brain are active during
stimulation? And how do they explain the
sensations that register leading up to and
during climax?
To answer those questions, neuroscientists
have begun using imaging scanners to map the
areas of the brain that fare up during an orgasm
to better understand why it feels so damn good.
The scans measure the amount of blood fowing
to the different parts of the brain in response to
different stimuli.
In 2003, Dutch neurologist Gert Holstege
began observing both male and female
participants using positron emission
tomography (PET) scans. What he found in both
was an increase in blood fow to a section of
the midbrain called the ventral tegmental area
(VTA), which, unsurprisingly, is responsible for
the release of dopamine.
Dopamine is a chemical produced in your
body that’s integral to your reward and pleasure
system. The VTA releases different amounts
when you eat, exercise, have sex, problem-
solve, or take drugs like cocaine and heroin.
For some, the reward and pleasure feeling is so
great they become addicted.
Holstege believes the gratifcation of sex is a
factor of evolution, explaining that the brain has
two goals: survival of the individual and survival
of the species.
“When you do something good for survival
of the species, like ejaculation, you’re brain lets
you know this by giving you feeling of pleasure
and reward,” he says.
What was more interesting in Holstege’s
fndings has to do with a deactivation, or
silence, in women’s brains in areas that elicit
fear and anxiety.
“What we see is these women ‘let it go’ at
the moment of orgasm, and if they can’t let it go
— we’re talking around 30 percent of women
— they can’t achieve orgasm,” he says.
While many seemingly healthy women report
an inability to achieve orgasm, others who have
neurological conditions such as spinal cord
injury (despite doctors who deny the possibility)
say they can.
When rutgers University neuroscientist
Barry Komisaruk sought answers to this
phenomenon he found their stimulation was via
the Vagus nerves, which bypass the spinal cord
on the way to the brain, but he also recorded
something even more surprising.
“We see a number of women who can
actually think themselves into orgasm without
any physical stimulation,” he says.
To test their claims, he frst measured the
bodily reactions that accompany an orgasm —
the doubling of heart rate, blood pressure, pupil
dilation, and pain threshold — and found that
the women were telling the truth.
Komisaruk and his colleagues use functional
magnetic resonance imaging (fmrI) to map
their participants’ brain activity during orgasm,
which appears much closer to real-time than
“It’s like this buildup of the best tension,
and then it releases into a rush that makes
me convulse and tingle throughout my
body. Then I just want to lie still and smile
for a while.”
– Jackie, an Overland Park senior
“It’s the best thing in the world, almost
like you’re in a sweating turmoil and then
dunked into a bath of ice water. But you feel
great, like you’re oblivious to everything
except your own weightlessness.”
– Dave, a Dallas senior
Dopamine // Produced in many areas of the
brain, most notably the ventral tegmental area
(VTA), dopamine plays important roles in pleasure,
reward, motivation, sleep, mood, and attention.
norepinephrine // Synthesized from dopamine,
this stress hormone affects many areas of the
brain. Along with epinephrine, it elicits the fght-or-
fight response by increasing heart rate and blood
epinephrine // Also known as adrenaline. It
affects nearly all body tissues and is responsible
for that tingly feeling and muscle contractions.
seroTonin // While most of your serotonin
reserves are in your gut, this neurotransmitter is
responsible for feelings of well-being and is an
active ingredient in many antidepressants.
oxyTocin // Not only does the release of this
neurotransmitter accompany women during
labor and breastfeeding, it’s also released during
orgasm in both men and women and has affects
on long-term bonding.
The natural highs we feel during sex come from the same chemicals that get you high on
drugs. here are a few that start fowing during the most intimate of moments:
AmAndA SchwArtz
“Eric Northman from ‘True Blood’ because he’s sexy
and exotic.”
SebAStiAn beShk
”Archer off of the show ‘Archer’ on FX. He’s a woman-
izer, but he can womanize me, that’s totally okay. He’s
very good looking.”
chelSeA koehly
“Batman because he’s manly and he’s got a nice cos-
tume — it’s tight. He’s just good looking.“
Seth mAcchi
“Probably Hermione Granger because I feel like
witches could do crazy things.”

dylAn Pryor
“Elizabeth Swan from ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ be-
cause she’s beautiful and she can do pirate stuff.”

mAggie lASchure
“Edward Cullen. He’s very romantic.”

trent Perry
“Ren Stevens from ‘Even Stevens.’ I’m into nerdy girls,
I guess. “
out & About // Which fictional character WoulD you
like to hook up With? > Random people. Random answers.
Skip dinner and a movie and do date night right.
Photo Illustration | Jerry Wang
| AshLeY bArforoush |
don’t want the date to end? It doesn’t
have to. The following places are open
around the clock:
| Muncher’s Bakery | sPeciALties:
Doughnuts, cinnamon rolls, danishes,
925 Iowa Lawrence, KS 66044
| Java Break | sPeciALties: Coffee (hot,
iced or blended), Cereal Bar, Panini-style
sandwiches. 17 East 7th Street Lawrence, KS
steak ‘n shake: sPeciALties:
Shakes, sundaes, burgers, chili. 3111 Nieder
Road Lawrence, KS 66047-1949 www.
Perkins restaurant & Bakery:
sPeciALties: Omelettes, biscuits, pies, patty
melts. 1711 West 23rd Street Lawrence, KS
| ihOP | sPeciALties: pancakes, waffes, eggs,
French toast. 3102 Iowa Street Lawrence, KS

Out on the town: Explore new places with your
signifcant other like the iBar at Ingredient
restaurant. Breaking away from the routine can
liven up your dating life and establish a new
connection with your sweetie.
Memorial stadium is meant for 50,071 people,
but on this particular spring day there were
only two. the Minneapolis, Minn., couple, of
Jeff truitt, 2009 graduate, and britney busch,
senior, scored the perfect day date at the
football stadium, but they were far from the
bleachers — they were on the 50-yard line.
“the gates were open,” busch says. “so we
played football on the feld.” the couple worked
up a sweat but the date didn’t end there. “then
we ran through the sprinklers,” busch says.
some of the best dates are spontaneous,
but sometimes it’s good to have a game plan.
Whether it’s your frst date or your 50th, make
your own romance right here in Lawrence.

| Dessert Date |
if cookie dough chunks, brownie bites and
milk chocolate dipping sauce sound like the
fxings for a delicious date, ingredient is your
after-dinner destination. the restaurant is
divided into two sections and located to the
right of the pizza and salad counter is the ibar
lounge where wine, beer and fondue are served.
Maroon walls splattered with artwork and dim
light protruding from spiral glass chandeliers
set the romantic scene.
“We have a nice mood over here,” manager
brian Lindburg says. “And every friday and
saturday night we have live music.”have your
sweets with a music treat of jazz, or acoustic
depending on the night. fork over $5 then choose
six, out of 14, dippers plus three sauces: dark,
milk, white chocolate or caramel. Get cozy on
the plush leather couches, or if the night is more
sour than sweet, sit on separate cushions.
947 Massachusetts Street
Saturday: 8am – 10pm

| Play Date |
racquetball may not seem romantic, but
it’s one of the fastest ways to get your heart
racing on a date. Wichita junior John flynn
and girlfriend, Wichita senior Megan burgardt,
reserve a court early and let the games begin
late. “i’m terrible at racquetball but he’s trying to
teach me,” burgardt says. “i mostly just duck.”
the indoor sport is basically tennis in a box,
except the court’s walls, foor, and ceiling
are legal playing surfaces and there isn’t a
net. burgardt and flynn haven’t broken a
bone, or the bank, yet. they fash their Ku iDs
and play for free at the student recreation
center. “We go on thursdays when we
need that energy release,” burgardt says.
1740 Watkins Center Dr.
Saturday 9 a.m. - 10 p.m.
Call to reserve a court (785) 864-1369

Katie Abrahamson’s hopes were high. 130
feet above ground to be exact. she stepped
out of the oread elevator onto the ninth foor
terrace and was soon looking down on the
campus she thought so highly of. then, just
as the 2008 graduate had hoped, her high
school sweetheart was down on one knee.
Abrahamson and her fancé may be the second
couple to get engaged on top of the oread, but
they won’t be the last. All oread engagement
packages include exclusive access to the ninth
or tenth foor terraces. starting at $100, the
package covers a bottle of champagne and a
tray of chocolate dipped strawberries. Add $100
extra and you’ll be toasting your engagement
over a three course meal. “i don’t know of any
other Lawrence rooftops you can get engaged
on,” says general manager Nancy Longhurst.
it’s defnitely a deck with a view. spot
landmarks as close as the campanile and see
cities as far away as Kansas city. if you’re
not planning on popping the question anytime
soon, turn game day into a game date. the
observation terrace and Nest on Ninth bar will
be open to the public on home football game
days, no reservation required.
1200 Oread Ave. (785) 830-3948
| Paint Date |
heat things up at sunfre ceramics. the
cozy cottage on New hampshire street is
packed with paintbrushes, stencils and dozens
of pottery pieces to pick from. “it’s a fun date
and then you have something to take home with
you,” owner cheryl roth says.
Most of the pottery is $8 or less, plus a $4
paint fee which includes the fnal glaze and
fring. choose from two and a half foot-tall
rabbits to ornaments as small as your fst.
Plates, mugs, bowls, light switch covers and
dozens of other designs are also available.
Paint slow or fast, then choose from 40 non-
toxic glazes to fnish. hand over your creation
to be fred and count on seeing your date in
three to fve days for pottery pick-up. feel free
to bring your own wine and snacks to enhance
your painting skills.
1002 New Hampshire Street
Saturday 11 a.m.- 8 p.m.
| engageMent Date |
BOOK review //
> Reading. it’s not just for textbooks, you know.
is the fnal track and will slam your head-
phones with a sound wave large enough to
surf from the hills of KU to whichever coast
you please. Other tracks on this album that
shouldn’t be left out are “A Phantasy,” which
harks back to to their older sound, the very
bizarre and fun track “Glass Jungle,” and
the spacey and dreamlike “Hallucinists.”
The Octopus Project has clearly found a
new sound that displays their creativity and
craftsmanship at its fnest and makes you
feel good to listen to. It’s hard to to be angry
or stressed about anything after listening to
Hexadecagon. Give it a listen and try to con-
tain your smile.
This album originally started as a live set
designed to be played at the 2010 SXSW mu-
sic festival in Austin, Texas. It received such
good reviews that The Octopus Project mem-
bers decided to take their set to the studio and
polish the recording into it’s own new album.
Hexadecagon contains no lyrics, but features
many layers of synths that create a positive
and uplifting mood. Fans of previous Octopus
Project albums will be shocked with the clean
sound compared to the lo-f recordings for-
merly used.
Because of its live music origins, Hexadeca-
gon should be listened to all the way through.
It also follows a standard of live entertainment
with a hook at the beginning, displaying the
artsy and technical beauty in the middle, and
getting crazy at the end to leave the audience
truly satisfed. The opener “Fuguefat” is one of
the liveliest on the album and hits you with a
barrage of pianos from the start. The 11 minute
long track in the middle named “Circling” takes
you on a journey to a wonderful and swirly
place with more than 40 synth loops. “Catalog”
music review // The ocTopus projecT - ‘hexadecagon’

> KJHK’s weekly guide to sonic consumption.
emotional force and complexity throughout.
In the second half, the numerous
contradictions, lies and conficts begin to
drag the characters’ lives ever-so-slowly
into a seeming abyss. The characters have
taken their freedom and with it they have built
themselves a personal hell. The choices made
by the Berglunds force them into increasingly
morally-bankrupt choices.
Freedom comes close to being a real
American Tragedy. But it is not. There is,
ultimately, redemption. Franzen wanted to end
the novel tragically, But he couldn’t do it.
The key to the character’s redemption is
freedom, the very thing they used to bring
suffering upon themselves. I prefer to think
Franzen wrote redemption into his novel at the
last minute as an exercise of his freedom: his
freedom as the author to wrest back control of
the narrative from the fatally-fawed characters
he set into motion.
Freedom, by Jonathan Franzen, has become
the latest pot of gold for an American public
and intellectual class searching for answers
about what America is now.
The novel centers on the Berglunds, a
middle-class family living in a gentrifed
section of St. Paul, Minnesota. Politically
liberal Walter mortgages his environmental
radicalism for more pragmatic progress on
conservation projects. Meanwhile, Walter’s
wife Patty slowly suffocates under the weight
of middle-class pleasantness and secretly
seeks out the unreliable affection of Walter’s
former college roommate and successful
musician. Joey, Walter and Patty’s teenage
son, falls in love with the emotionally needy
daughter of the God n’ Guns Republicans that
live next door.
The frst half of the novel spins a web of
personal storylines that are devastatingly torn
apart in the second half. However, the long
exposition doesn’t come off as meandering.
Rather, Franzen takes the time to develop each
character in such depth that each carries
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realized I had left my pale blue, satin heels that
perfectly matched my dress at home. I saw it
as an opportunity to prevent what I feared most
from happening. All rationale aside, I threw a
ft like an infant begging for a pacifer. Laurel,
my childhood babysitter, dragged me into the
other room, looked me dead in the eye and said,
“Please tell me you’re not really this selfsh.
Can’t you let her be happy, just for today? “
I looked down the hall to see my mom getting
ready as if nothing had happened. I saw pain
in her eyes, despite her stoic expression. Then
she hurried into the bathroom and shut the door.
The sound of her hidden whimper hurt in new
a way. Suddenly, I became the cause of her
pain. Embarrassment and contrition fooded my
being. I slipped on the black, platform sandals I
had worn earlier, walked over to her and held
her without speaking. The embrace we shared
said enough. Though she wanted my support,
she would be married either way and I had to
accept it. But to accept him, I had to let go of
the past.
Before the ceremony ended, my Nino reached
for my hand and showed another ring. A dome
of diamond-covered platinum topped the gold
band. For a moment, I stood shuddering. I winced
at a timorous refection I caught of myself in a
mirror across the room. Covered by shadow,
I appeared cold and unforgiving. I detested
the detached person I had made excuses for
myself to become. Thoughts fooded my mind,
drowning out all outside noise until his tender
voice pierced the chaos.
“Megan, today I promise my love and
commitment to your mother. I promise to care
for her and protect her for the rest of my life. In
that promise, I vow myself to you as much as I
do her. I will never leave you, never lie to you
and no matter what you do, I will always love
His tone was melodic and sincere. I secretly
questioned his seemingly unconditional
acceptance of me. I both resisted and craved
his willingness to care and his gift of affection.
His tough hands softened as he gently slid the
band on mine. Knowing my apprehension, he
attempted to ease my anxiety with his promise.
My ambiguity turned to relief. I hadn’t yet
let him into my heart completely, but I felt
comfortable knowing that my mom and I were
safe. I knew he loved us; now I needed to
learn to love him. I remembered John 14:1 and
repeated it to myself throughout the evening. Do
not let your heart be troubled. I didn’t want to
feel resentful or suspicious anymore. I coveted
the joviality I saw in everyone else. I needed to
know everything would be fne.
The day two best friends married to become
my parents, they taught me a new lesson:
sometimes you have to let your guard down
and take the risk of trusting again. That same
day the man I now call my father made me a
promise, one he has yet to break. He gave me
more than a ring; he gave me a key that began
to unlock the door that protected my heart. He
helped set me off on my path of self-healing. I
no longer hide from the mess my dad made of
me. I’m learning to own it.
Daddy dearest: Megan Rupp (right) was taught
valuable lessons about love and its potential harm
through her relationships with the men in her life.
She is pictured here with her mom and biological
father, also known afectionately as Nino.
Fear, interrupted
| MEgAN RuPP |
My dad taught me a valuable lesson, one I
work to unlearn even today. Men are not loyal,
not to be trusted and certainly not loved. He
abandoned my mom and me when I was 8. I
found the salmon-colored Post-it that read, “I’ll
be back,” on the kitchen counter before my mom
woke up. I was left broken, angry and insecure.
He’d left countless times throughout their 15-
year marriage, but this time felt different. He
wasn’t just disappearing for a couple weeks
with one of his girlfriends. A week later he
returned late at night, when he knew I’d be
asleep. In the golden retriever puppy card he
left with my mom, he wrote that he planned to
return in a couple days. Tears cascaded down
my face as I read the card in my closet the next
Another four months passed before he came
back for his things. I wept and pleaded for him
to take me with him until he promised to visit at 3
o’clock that Saturday. I had watched him lie for
years. I had no reason to believe him, but I did. I
waited for six hours on the steps of our redwood
porch. I tried convincing myself he’d come
because he loved me and I wasn’t dispensable.
My mom begged me to come inside, but I
assured her he would come. He never did. He
broke the only promise he had ever made to me
and I never saw him again.
To suppress my heartbreak, I focused on my
relationship with my mom. She was strong and
How one Man’s Love HeLped undo tHe daMage of anotHer
always had been. When my dad disappeared,
she never cried in my presence. When we
couldn’t afford to pay the electricity bill, my mom
and I played games in the dark. When the city
turned our water off, we raced our bikes to the
store for gallons with which to bathe. Reminding
me that life could be fun again was her way of
protecting me. I was blissfully unaware my dad
had stolen her life savings when he walked
out on us, leaving my mom unable to pay the
mortgage. We could have been left homeless,
but her best friend allowed us to live on his 50-
foot sailboat for a year. Still, I never knew we
were poor. Living on the boat with my mom was
just one of our adventures.
The man my mom had called her best friend
for nearly two decades, had been my dedicated
godfather my entire life. My Nino, short for
padrino (godfather in Spanish), had spent every
Friday night taking me out on a “date” for as
long as I could remember. We went bowling,
to movies, out to dinner, whatever I wanted.
He had his own family, but made time each
week to make me feel special and develop our
relationship. We grew close over the years, but
it wasn’t until I was 10 that my mom explained
just how close we really were.
My mom says after my dad left I withdrew
from life. She says I lost my smile, my laugh and
every sign of “being a kid.” I went to therapy
once a week, but she still worried I would never
return to the outgoing child I once was. But she
had a secret she hoped would help release me
from the depressed state. After consulting my
therapist, she decided to tell me my dad wasn’t
my biological father.
She and my dad had always wanted children.
When they discovered he was sterile, they
turned to artifcial insemination, but were
uncomfortable resorting to an anonymous
donor. Who better to turn to than my mom’s
best friend, my Nino? From a logical standpoint,
hearing that I hadn’t been abandoned by my
“real” father helped, but emotional trauma
cannot be numbed my logic. It still hurt. I now
had lingering sentiments of betrayal, but trusted
that my mom and Nino had done the right thing.
Even so, I was unprepared when my mom
decided to marry my Nino when I was 13. Two
years after my dad left, my Nino and his wife
divorced. He started dating my mom after his
divorce was fnalized. During the four years they
dated, I allowed myself to grow even closer to
him, despite my instinctive reluctance. I almost
remembered what it meant to be a “real” family.
But my feelings about my Nino changed upon
hearing that he would be marrying my mom.
He was now someone who could abandon us
Even though I knew I should’ve trusted him,
on their wedding day, I felt like I saw my mom
falling into a trap. Before people arrived, I

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