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out all
in Beak
and the
real ones at
It’s like the paper, but on
a computer!
Badminton team loses
One shot short. The bad-
minton team is stunned
in huge upset. Can our
campus of badminton-
loving fans cope? What’s
next after the star seniors
leave? Sounds like the
weight room for our
young players. PAGE 14A
Today’s weather
All contents, unless stated otherwise,
© 2005 The University Daily Kansan
Textbook business laughs at your poverty
The “Textbook Editor” explains how overpriced
books help line his pockets. Without your support
he couldn’t buy diamond-lined underwear. PAGE 2A
Wal-Mart family buys fieldhouse for daughter
The Laurie family has once again put a price on a
priceless monument. Paige Laurie says Allen
Fieldhouse will now be “the sweetest, most awe-
somist fieldhouse ever.” PAGE 14A
51 50
Not as many cookies
Cookie crumbs?
89 9
Lots of cookies!
—Cookie Monster, Kansan weather
2 12
The University of Kansas
Alumni Association announced
yesterday that an anonymous
donor gave the University $10
million to fund a building and
start a new science department
devoted to the research and study
of the theory of intelligent design.
The building/department still
have to be approved by the Board
of Regents and Chancellor
Robert Hemenway. If given the
green light this would create the
first science department of its
kind at any accredited university
in the United States. According
to the current plans, the building
would stand where the
Multicultural Resource Center
currently is located. The MRC is
already scheduled to move into
the expansion of the Kansas
Union between the Union and
the Union’s parking garage in
August 2006.
If plans go smoothly, crews
could demolish the old MRC
building and start construction
on the new building as soon as
summer 2006. An early design
shows a three-story building with
classrooms on the first level, a
church on the second level and
research labs and offices on the
third level.
“This is a glorious day which
proves science and religion do
not have to be opposites, but can
study and learn from one anoth-
er,” Reverend Paul Brown of the
First Divinity Church of God said
in a phone interview. “Intelligent
design will finally be taught and
scrutinized with the same scien-
tific tools that evolution has been.
Maybe this can finally allow sci-
entists to come to a conclusion
based on science and not on their
own biases against Christianity.”
The design shows the building
would have a 20-foot-tall statue
of praying hands at the base of
the entrance, which the donor
requested, saying it represented
“all scientists who pray that man
will one day find the real truth
about its past.”
“I think it is a good idea,”
Robert Biggums, Hutchinson
sophomore, said. “I always hear
all this talk about all this proof
about evolution and how studies
confirm it, but they always use big
confusing words like primordial
and environmental adaptation.
The Bible explains it in two sim-
ple words, ‘Adam and Eve.’ I’ve
never seen evolution, but I have
seen the Bible.”
“We will be the laughing stock
of every other science department
in the country,” Alan Gentry,
assistant professor of biology,
said. “I’m praying that this does
not go through, though not in the
same way that these people pray.
There’s so much real research
that’s in desperate need of financ-
“That’s just the small minded
simpleton reasoning we’ve come
to expect from those scientists,”
Reverend Brown said in response
to Gentry’s comment.
The chancellor’s office had no
comment when contacted yester-
day, though it is known that the
chancellor keeps a pair of praying
hands on his desk.
April Fool’s!
— Edited by Jennifer Voldness
God’s coming to campus!
The University of Kansas has
again hired outside consultants
to help shape the school’s
image. This time though, our
beloved Jayhawk mascot may
end up revealing a bare midriff
and a lower back tattoo.
HotProdukt, Inc., has come
on board the University’s pub-
lic relations ship with plenty of
accomplishments under its
belt, including MTV’s “Real
World vs. Road Rules
Challenge” series and musician
John Tesh’s 2002 “Boo-Ya!”
World Tour.
“I wouldn’t say we create
new personalities for clients,
but we sure overhaul the old
ones,” HotProdukt co-founder
and chief operating officer
Lesley Franks said by phone
from the firm’s New York head-
quarters. “Kansas students can
rest assured that we will add to
the school’s existing image, not
take away from it.”
Some disagree, including KU
Bookstore employee Rachel
Lyons, Salina sophomore, who
said, “They’ll probably want us
to print Applebee’s logos on
exam blue books or something.
I don’t trust them.”
Consensus or not, plans are
under way for the University’s
first HotProdukt-coordinated
lecture series to be called “J-
“We wanted to give you guys
Flavor Flav and Mini-Me or
someone who would really get
a rise to start things off. But
then the administration asked
us to suggest someone a little
more academic,” Franks said.
“So, the inaugural lecture will
be given by author Randolph
Craysdale, whose 1999 book,
‘Go Ahead and Hit Me!,’ was a
best seller. He’s smart, but he’s
got an edge for sure. The things
he says about carbon not really
being the basis of life on Earth
really get a rise out of people.”
Craysdale’s opens his 2002
pamphlet “Carbon,
Schmarbon!” with:
“So we should just believe
some scientists because they
did a few experiments? Give
me a break. If I’m made of the
same stuff as charcoal, then I’d
like to see someone try to
throw me in a grill and cook
hot dogs with me at the family
barbecue,” Craysdale wrote.
“I’ll give you a good punch in
the gut before that happens,
Craysdale’s confrontational
tone and pseudo-scientific
analysis have not made him
any friends in academic circles,
but University administration
officials remain open to
HotProdukt’s plans, despite
their apprehension.
“We have faith in the overar-
ching goal of increased expo-
sure for the University of
Kansas,” Tammy Weidrich, vice
provost for media relations,
said. “I think students have to
take the good with the bad and
look toward the future. I’m
from Milwaukee, and everyone
thought the Jeffrey Dahmer
case would bring shame to our
city. But then, 10 years later, we
got a new baseball stadium.”
Following the above exam-
ple, even questionable media
attention may allow the
University to reap long-term
benefits. Students and faculty
will soon be able to voice their
approval or dismay at the
school’s short-term plans and
Craysdale himself.
— Edited by Laura Francoviglia
Hot, new image
for University
Following last week’s spring
break, Heidi Mellencall, Blue
Valley junior, told friends and
roommates that she “raged” in
Cancun, Mexico, for the past
week. She admitted yesterday
that she in fact spent her break
at home at her parents’ house.
“I couldn’t believe it,” Staci
Bettendorf, Chicago junior and
Mellencall’s friend, said. “She’s
so tan and she talked about
being in a wet T-shirt contest.
She said she hooked up with
Fat Joe.”
Mellencall came clean, saying
that she went to a tanning salon
every other day to give herself a
bronze, spring-break glow.
“I actually did hook up with
Fat Joe, but he works at the
Subway around the corner from
my parents,” Mellencall said.
She admitted that most of her
Cancun stories came from half-
hour segments which aired on
MTV’s “Spring Break” series.
“She told us she was a con-
testant on 50 Cent’s ‘Spring
Break Candy Shop,’ whatever
that means,” Mellencall’s moth-
er Judy said. “She doesn’t even
like sweets.”
Mellencall told friends that
she met Beyoncé and that she
seemed really smart. She also
said Rob Schneider was better
looking in person.
“We should have figured it
out then,” friend Heather
Stevens said.
Mellencall tried to emulate the
Cancun spring break she had
hoped for by not bathing regular-
ly, drinking excessively and act-
ing slutty, which she said includ-
ed entering a wet T-shirt contest
in downtown Kansas City, Mo.
“I really was gross,”
Mellencall said. “I woke up
most mornings sweating booze.
I let a guy named Fat Joe do
tequila shots out of my belly
button because he gave me
extra Subway stamps, and I was
in a wet T-shirt contest with five
ladies my mom’s age who had
more scars than teeth.”
— Edited by Ross Fitch
Break: ‘not awesome’
Artist rendering by Ginny Weatherman/KANSAN
Separation of church and state will only occur as a result of steel
and sheet rock at the University’s new Creationist Science Center. The
church will house God on the second floor, classrooms on the first
floor and research labs and offices on the third floor.
University to build Creationist Science Center on the Hill
Photo illustration by Ginny Weatherman/KANSAN
Junior Heidi Mellencall celebrates her 13th beer at the wet bar in her parent’s basement. Mellencall
drank alone in the split-level’s dark first floor most nights during spring break. Mellencall claims she’s
rated PG for “Party Girl.”
Note: The stories on this page offer only inaccurate information from fake sources. Welcome to the world of make-believe.
‘Kansan’ Election Guide
KUnited Delta Force Student Voice
Most important
platform issue
Bring The Wheel to The Underground.
Move out of Justin Mill’s shadow. Have someone take us seriously.
Other platform issue
Provide a free pair of Uggs and/or flip flops to every
Provide a free pair of Chucks to every student. Provide nothing to students — we already pay
enough in tuition.
Secret wish platform
Bring back “Yellow Bike” program, because that was
such a rousing success.
Hire Chuck Norris as Chancellor. Get dates.
Ongoing legislative work
Working to sell off even more student seating at Allen
Fieldhouse to raise money for Jaywalk.
Working with other national activist groups to sponsor
“Hands Across America 2005.”
Working to attain “master wizard” status in
Dungeons & Dragons.
Fundraising methods
Foam parties. Not-so-free lovin’ with Delta Force candidate of your
Talk smack about other coalitions on and — hope that added
exposure brings in more funds.
Goals for next year
Get somebody, anybody, to use Jaywalk system. Cancel class on April 20. See if any platform issues are feasible.
Campaign Slogan
Vote for us. We’re going to win anyway. Vote for us for REAL change, you know, like changing
up KU Info and condom dispensers.
A third party — as vital to campus politics as it is to
national politics.
Campaign Uniform
Red and blue striped flag.
Jean skirt, bid day shirt.
Blue fist on yellow background.
Hemp necklace, dashiki, dandruff. Patchouli oil sold
Non existent.
Ellsworth 7 shirt, shirt we bought from Chipotle, high
school letter jacket.
Campaign Spokesperson
P. Diddy Che Guevara “Chippy” the Chipotle Burrito Mascot
Promotional efforts
Cover every damn inch of campus with chalk. Throw a house party for all the freshmen. Throw accusations at the incumbent party.
Product Tie-Ins KUnited tanning passes Delta Force Merc membership Student Voice “Magic: The Gathering” card set
Election Day Message
No, we swear “Yellow Bike” was a success until
everybody started stealing the bikes.
We are the world, We are the children,
We are the ones who make a brighter day, so let’s
start giving ...
Just because Vision and Lord Wads were complete
failures doesn’t mean we will be, too.
Hi there. You don't know me
personally, though you might
have driven by one of my summer
mansions before and asked,
“What kind of person can afford
that kind of place?”
Well, I’ll tell you what kind of
person: Me. And you know how I
made all that money? By charging
students like you hundreds of dol-
lars for textbooks.
Oh sure, there’s something
written on those pages, probably
something that your professor
told you is important to learn.
Well, I’m going to let you in on a
little secret: I really don’t know or
care what’s on those pages.
Sometimes we spellcheck them,
but usually not. Half that stuff is
made up anyways. Let’s stop talk-
ing about textbooks. I don’t spend
much time on them.
In fact, I would say I spend 10
percent of my time working on
textbooks and the other 90 per-
cent swimming in my big vault of
money. Let me tell you — it’s the
life! What? Do I hear you com-
plaining? Are you questioning
Bam, I just raised the prices 20
bucks. You know I could raise
prices, and you would still pay
Besides, why are you upset? It’s
just daddy’s dinero anyways. Oh?
What’s that? You have to work
two jobs just to pay for school?
You really can’t afford it? Well
that's too bad. I have to go to
work, too. Though at my work, I
sit at a gold table with the text
execs, shouting out random prices
and deciding if you would pay
them. The answer of course is yes,
but still it always gets a big laugh
when someone shouts out a num-
ber like $7,332. I imagine you
going without food for a semester
in order to scrape together money
to buy one book. Oh, that’s a deep
belly laugh. That one always gets
I’m sorry, what were we talking
about again? Oh, about me laugh-
ing to the bank. Actually that’s not
entirely true. I never actually go
into the bank.
I just wait outside in my stretch
limo while my two man-child
assistants wheel the money in on
wheelbarrows. The laughing part
though is correct — sometimes for
hours. Whenever I’m feeling
down I just think about some out-
rageous deed we’ve done. Like
the philosophy book we put out
last semester that was 80 percent
pictures we took off the Internet.
The price? $220. That’s right, 220
big ones. That’s more than 90 per-
cent of what philosophy majors
will make a year after they gradu-
Oh, the laughs.
◆Editor is a Lawrence
resident with oodles and
oodles of cash.
Actually I do laugh all the way to the bank
Legislators in Kansas decid-
ed to kick queers while they’re
down this week. Conservatives
and religious leaders proposed
an addition to the gay marriage
ban, on which the public will
vote Tuesday.
“Because our conservative
religious stronghold will be at the
polls anyway, we may as well try
to wipe out the gay population
altogether,” said Sen. Phil
Journey, (R-Haysville).
Wednesday, Journey, along
with other conservatives and
religious leaders, said that a ban
on gay marriage was not enough.
He proposed a six-step plan to
eliminate homosexuals called the
Gays Go to Straight Camp Act. A
Citadel-trained task force would
round up all gays and lesbians in
Kansas and take them to a camp
where they could be “corrected,”
Journey said. For now the plan
focuses on gay men.
“My plan would not only elim-
inate the gay population, but also
help the economy by creating
thousands of jobs,” Journey said.
For homosexuals to be
released back into society, they
will have to pass six rigorous tests
including fashion, hunting, fish-
ing, beer-guzzling, baseball and
scratching/crotch adjustments.
Prada, Gucci and Louis Vuitton
would be stripped from all gay
men’s closets, Journey said.
Each male camper would wear
a uniform composed of an
adjustable baseball cap, a
NASCAR tank top, dark blue
sweat pants and hiking boots.
Flannel button-downs would be
distributed during cold weather.
“We have to get them used to
dressing normal,” said the Rev.
Jerry Johnston, pastor of First
Family Church in Overland Park.
The Reverend proposed setting
aside a wildlife reserve for the
hunting segment. Even if bucks
are not in season, their deaths will
serve the greater cause, he said.
“God wanted man to be master
over animals didn’t he?” Johnston
said. “I think our Savior would
agree that this is a worthy cause.”
The reserve would also be used
for fishing. The homosexuals will
have to catch and clean a bass no
shorter than 28 inches.
Proponents agree that beer-guz-
zling is a valuable part of both
hunting and fishing. Baseball, the
next test, is considered one of
most important.
“It’s called America’s pasttime
for a reason,” Journey said, “We’ll
juice them up with ’roids if we have
to, as long as they can hit a freaking
baseball when they leave.”
While the topic of baseball was
on the floor, several sports fans
brought up the importance of
butt-scratching and adjusting
oneself, so the Legislature consid-
ered adding a clause to include
those behaviors.
Liberals led by Rep. Paul Davis
(D-Lawrence) called the plan
“We’re setting America back
another 50 years,” Davis said.
“Doesn’t the Bible say that God
loves all people?”
Conservatives said because
they had the majority, they did
not expect to have difficulty pass-
ing the amendment.
“Liberals threatened to move
to Canada when Bush was re-
elected,” Journey said. “In time
they will conform.”
Gays get opportunity
for ‘Straight Camp’
Dear Movie Guy,
Man, “Easy Rider” is so
trippy. What were Dennis
Hopper and Peter Fonda
— Buzzed in Bonner Springs
Dear Buzzed,
Shortly after the film’s
release Hopper said, “We
smoked hashish, right out of
the peace pipe. Chief
Hummingbird flew down on
the back of a griffin and
smoked us all out. I remem-
ber Jack Nicholson and
Gen. George Armstrong
Custer playing darts in the
back of a bar in San
Antonio. The rest is hazy.”
Dear Movie Guy,
Growing up, my favorite
movie was “The
Godfather.” I especially
liked the part where the
Hollywood producer wakes
up with the stallion’s head in
his bed. Was that a real stal-
lion’s head in that scene or
was it a fake one?
— Remembering in Russell
Dear Remembering,
The head belonged to
Tony the Horse, the notori-
ous hit man. Tony worked
for the Tataglia brothers,
who sent him to kill Luca
Brasi on the night of Connie
Corleone’s wedding. The
four-legged assassin, who
had been seen drinking
heavily at the Corleone
estate that afternoon, fell
down a flight of stairs while
on his way up to Luca’s
apartment. Luca shot the
horse, hacked off his head
and mailed it to Hollywood.
Dear Movie Guy,
When I watch “The
Empire Strikes Back,” I’m
always impressed by the
puppet work in the scenes
with Yoda. Was that a chal-
lenge for the filmmakers?
— Impressed in Iola
Dear Impressed,
George Lucas threatened
to fire Yoda twice on that
picture. He used The Force
to make the crew forget
about scenes he didn’t want
to shoot. “Yoda, though a
formidable Jedi master, is
not a professional actor. He
keeps humping my leg
between takes,” Luke
Skywalker said at the time.
Yoda replied, “Insolent, my
young Padawan is.” Not
surprisingly, Lucas chose to
create a digital Yoda for the
new “Star Wars” films.
Dear Movie Guy,
My wife thinks Frodo and
Sam have a homosexual
relationship in “The Lord of
the Rings.” I think this is one
of the greatest platonic male
friendships in movie history.
Who’s right?
— Platonic in Prairie Village
Dear Platonic,
Your wife’s right — Frodo
and Sam are all about hob-
bit love.
‘Movie guy’ dispels movie myths
With Student Senate elections just days away, here’s how the three coalitions stand on the issues
◆ Caster is a Shawnee senior
and currently reports on the
Bible Belt.
◆ Shupe is an Augusta gradu-
ate student and really does
know it all.
Note: The stories on this page offer only inaccurate information from fake sources. Welcome to the world of make-believe.
Source: Will Lamborn, Tongue in Beak writer
Online poll
How often have you
attended a SUA event?
online to
vote in
poll. Resuts will be pub-
lished next week.
Science project
A University of Kansas
professor found that phy-
toplankton, microscopic
plants that live in water,
tend to be more diverse
in larger habitats. Val
Smith combined research
from other studies in his
findings. PAGE 5A
Today’s weather
All contents, unless stated otherwise,
© 2005 The University Daily Kansan
Man of the year
Lew Perkins received the NIT Man of the year
award last night at the halftime show for the NIT
championship game. PAGE 12A
Senior Day
The seniors on the women’s rowing team will be
honored tomorrow for Senior Day. The team faces
Tulsa and Drake at 2 p.m. on the Kansas River. This
is the only home regatta for the Jayhawks. PAGE 9A
66 42
More like spring
Heat wave!
Partly cloudy
—Justin Gesling, KUJH-TV
74 48
in or lose, Rich Clarkson
enjoys every Final Four, and
he hasn’t missed the NCAA
men’s basketball tournament in 47
As thousands of fans witness the
winning shot of the championship
game, Clarkson captures the coaches’
and teams’ reactions to the final buzzer
on film.
But then again, that’s all just part of
a day’s work.
For more than 50 years, the 1956
graduate has worked his way to the top
of the photography business.
When Clarkson captures the memo-
rable moments at this weekend’s Final
Four in St. Louis, his 50th tournament
shoot, the 72-year-old Lawrence native
won’t be surprised if photographers are
capturing his own movements through
their telephoto lenses.
If another journalist or photogra-
pher exists who has worked 50 Final
Fours, nobody knows about it,
Clarkson said.
“He’s one of a kind guy,” said Bill
Snead, Lawrence Journal-World sen-
ior editor. “I don’t know anyone else
like him.”
As a photographer for the Lawrence
Journal-World and The Topeka
Capital Journal, Clarkson mentored
Snead for nine years. Clarkson has
established himself as a taskmaster of
perfection, but he takes pride in teach-
ing young photojournalists the art of
photography, Snead said.
Because of the experiences of his last
50 years, Clarkson said he would never
get tired of basketball. The easy “walk-
up” atmosphere has made the Final
Four more enjoyable than the
Superbowl and the World Series,
which he has covered several times.
“I just love college basketball,” he
said. “I think it’s one of the best games.
I think the Final Four during the years
that I’ve been doing it has developed
into a premier sports event.”
Clarkson continuing his career at his
age has impressed Snead, but Clarkson
said he has cut back on the number of
sporting events he covers. Clarkson
photographed about 20 sporting events
this past year, but he used to cover
about 100 events per year, he said.
Now he personally covers track and
field events and the Final Four because
he enjoys those events the most.
Along the way to national promi-
nence, Clarkson has worked for sever-
al newspapers and magazines, includ-
ing the Lawrence Journal-World and
The Topeka Capital-Journal,
National Geographic and Sports
Clarkson resides in Denver where he
owns a photography company that
covers all 88 NCAA championships,
and the pro teams the Denver Broncos
and the Colorado Rockies.
A giant of an opportunity
Clarkson’s passion for photography
began as an activity for the yearbook at
Liberty Memorial High School — now
Lawrence High — before it trans-
formed into one of the most prominent
photography careers in the country.
By his senior year of high school,
Clarkson had snapped shots of KU
football and basketball games as a free-
lance photographer.
His ability did not go unnoticed. He
received a personal invitation to the
1952 Final Four in Seattle, his first,
from basketball coach Forrest “Phog”
Clarkson enjoyed covering KU
sports, but it would not lead him to his
dream job at Sports Illustrated, a new
magazine at the time.
That changed when basketball
standout Wilt Chamberlain arrived on
campus, shortly after Clarkson gradu-
ated from the University in 1956.
As a freelance photographer,
Clarkson took Chamberlain’s picture at
the beginning of Chamberlain’s fresh-
man season. He took several pictures
of the star dunking and jumping, but
Clarkson said he couldn’t depict just
how tall Chamberlain stood.
Clarkson realized a seated shot of
Wilt would maximize the effect of the
star’s high waist and long legs to accu-
rately depict his towering seven-foot
“I thought, gee, if I could just get him
to sit down in one of these folding
chairs and tie his shoes, that might
make him look taller,’” Clarkson said.
And it did.
Clarkson sent several 8-by-10 copies
of the pictures to Sports Illustrated in
New York.
The photo editor at the time, Jerry
Ashter, received Clarkson’s photos on
the Monday before he planned to send
a photographer to Lawrence for a piece
on Chamberlain. The magazine used
Clarkson’s photo and never sent a pho-
tographer to Lawrence.
“I thought that was the epitome of
success at that time,” Clarkson said.
Three months later, an editor at the
magazine gave him his first assignment.
What was supposed to be a single
photo from a Kansas vs. iowa State
basketball game became a six-page
spread after another story fell through.
Three years later, the magazine
selected Clarkson to cover all basket-
ball games for Sports Illustrated.
The University of Kansas
School of Law dropped 37 spots
in the upcoming US News and
World Report’s America’s Best
Graduate Schools.
The school appeared as No.
63 last year and slid to No. 100.
Decreases in employment
rates and an increase in student
versus teacher ratio are the rea-
sons behind the drop, according
to the report.
Those numbers can be mis-
leading and students have noth-
ing to worry about, said Stephen
McAllister, law school dean.
Faculty who are away on sab-
batical were left out of the ratio,
McAllister said. At least three
professors were away when the
magazine gathered its informa-
tion. Two of those have returned
since and have resumed teach-
Ranking numbers suggest the
school has about 16 students
per faculty member.
McAllister estimated that
there were 520 law students for
36 faculty members, which
equals about 14 students per
faculty member.
One of the two employment
categories cited that 43 percent
of KU law school students were
employed at graduation in 2003.
But only a portion of alumni
responded to the survey, which
skews numbers, McAllister said.
The question is whether the
law school needs to do some-
thing else, he said.
“We could coerce them if they
choose not to respond,” he said.
“Maybe they can’t pick up their
diploma if they don’t respond.”
Data is also dated, McAllister
The data reflects employment
rates of the 2003 class in
February 2004, McAllister said.
For the class of 2004, the
employment rate as of February
2005 was 90 percent, McAllister
That data will be in the April
2006 but not April 2005, edition
because US News and Word
Report only collects data in the
McAllister speculated that
the bad economy was another
reason for the drop-off in jobs.
The law school doesn’t do
enough to get those numbers,
Law school drops in
national rankings
IFC denies
first appeal
The Interfraternity Council
unanimously voted to uphold
the decision to expel Phi Kappa
Theta fraternity from the
University of Kansas yesterday.
Phi Kappa Theta, 1111 W.
11th St., appealed to the execu-
tive board of the IFC Tuesday,
on grounds that its punishment
was too severe.
The IFC expelled the chapter
after it had an unregistered
party at its house on Feb. 19,
where police confiscated 16
kegs of beer, $517 in cash and
signs that advertised the party.
The IFC filed 24 charges
against the fraternity for
recruitment and alcohol policy
“We felt that a more lenient
punishment would not have the
intended effect to curb the
behavior for this chapter,” Scott
Shorten, IFC president, said.
The chapter has 30 days to
appeal for a second and final
The general assembly of the
IFC, which consists of a repre-
sentative and the president of
each chapter, would conduct
the final hearing.
Shorten said the IFC would
be open to a second appeal.
Matt Moreno, Phi Kappa
Theta president and Wichita
sophomore, would not say
whether the fraternity would
attempt a second appeal.
A decision will be made after
his visit to the national chapter
this weekend in Indianapolis.
Council upholds
decision to expel
campus chapter
Here are the KU School of Law’s rankings from the US News and World Report’s America’s
Best Graduate Schools
Edition year Grads employed Grads employed Student faculty Rank
at graduation after 9 months ratio
2004 60.7 percent 93.1 percent 13.9:1 63
2005 43 percent 83.3 percent 15.6:1 100
Source: US News and World Report
law rankings
KU graduate
to cover 50th
Final Four
“Ijust love college
basketball. I think it’s one
of the best games. I think
the Final Four during the
years that I’ve been doing
it has developed into a
premier sports event.”
Rich Clarkson
Contributed photo
Rich Clarkson, 1956 graduate, took this
photo of Wilt Chamberlain, then a
freshman at the University of Kansas, in
1956. Clarkson realized a shot of
Chamberlain seated would accurately
depict the basketball star’s high waist and
long legs that composed his towering
seven-foot body. This photo received a
spot in Sports Illustrated.
Illustration by Brock Potucek/KANSAN
Contributed photo
Photographer Rick Clarkson will cover his
50th Final Four this weekend in St. Louis. A
1956 KU graduate, Clarkson began his
career photographing Wilt Chamberlain, and
he now owns his own photography business
in Denver. PAGE 3A
news 4a the university daily kansan friday, april 1, 2005
▼ insidenews
Tournament veteran
The Jayhawks usually play in front of crowds of about 1,000.
This weekend, they will take on the Aggies, who regularly
draw more than 5,000 spectators. Coach Ritch Price says
College Station is his favorite place to play. PAGE 12A
Baseball team prepares for Texas A&M crowd
A University of Kansas professor has combined
other people’s research with his own to support
an ecological rule. Val Smith found that phyto-
plankton, microscopic plants that live in water,
tend to be more diverse in larger habitats, an
idea that generally applies to most plant and
animal species. PAGE 5A
Professor supports biological theory
The Kansas women’s tennis team is on a road-game winning streak. It will need that
momentum and confidence to win against Baylor tomorrow in Waco. Baylor is ranked
12th nationally, but Kansas is undefeated on the road in Big 12 play. The team will
take on Texas Tech in Lubbock on Sunday. PAGE 9A
Kansas goes for third consecutive victory
Law school drops 37 spots in national report
▼ insideOpinion
▼ insidesports
ET CETERA The University Daily Kansan is the student newspaper of the University of Kansas. The first copy is paid through the stu-
dent activity fee. Additional copies of the Kansan are 25 cents. Subscriptions can be purchased at the Kansan business office, 119
Stauffer-Flint Hall, 1435 Jayhawk Blvd., Lawrence, KS 66045. The University Daily Kansan (ISSN 0746-4962) is published daily during the
school year except Saturday, Sunday, fall break, spring break and exams. Weekly during the summer session excluding holidays.
Periodical postage is paid in Lawrence, KS 66044. Annual subscriptions by mail are $120. Student subscriptions of $2.11 are paid through
the student activity fee. Postmaster: Send address changes to The University Daily Kansan, 119 Stauffer-Flint Hall, 1435 Jayhawk Blvd., Lawrence, KS 66045
In the upcoming edition of the US News and World Report, the University of Kansas
School of Law has dropped from last year’s No. 63 spot to No. 100. Stephen
McAllister, the school’s dean, said several factors affected the ranking, including faculty
away on sabbatical and data that was dated. PAGE 3A
Interfraternity Council denies Phi Kappa Theta’s appeal
The IFC decided to uphold its decision to expel Phi Kappa Theta from the University of
Kansas. The chapter will have one more opportunity to appeal. Members of Phi Kappa
Theta said they wanted to remain close. PAGE 3A
Retelling of play remains sexy, adds characters
Paul Lim’s version of the play ‘Jocasta’ does not contain nudity, contrary to rumors
spreading throughout the department of English. The English Alternative Theater is
putting on the play, which includes five characters, as opposed to the original one-
man show. PAGE 4A
Column: It’s time for fans to forgive Roy
Joe Bant says two years is enough time for fans to get over Roy Williams’ departure.
For all the good times he gave us, fans need to move on and realize Williams deserves
a National Championship. PAGE 12A
KU senior swimmer could qualify for Olympic trials
KU swimmer Amy Gruber has had a great career at the University of Kansas. This
Tuesday, she will be competing in yet another meet, but this time for another prize: a
spot on the Olympic National Team. Her coach, Clark Campbell, said he was confident
she would perform well. He is also sad to see one of his best swimmers depart. PAGE 12A
Athletics director receives top award
Athletics director Lew Perkins was awarded the NIT’s Man of the Year award last night
at the National Invitation Tournament championship game. Perkins was given the
award for his commitment to college basketball. PAGE 12A
Women’s rowing only home regatta honors seniors
A ceremony and a barbeque to recognize the seniors will follow the regatta tomorrow
against Tulsa and Drake. The races start at 2 p.m. on the Kansas River. PAGE 9A
Column: Rowdy protesters just as bad as Coulter
Matt Sevcik says that the shouting protesters at Ann Coulter’s speech Tuesday night
were as ineffective as Coulter at making their point. The “pundits” did more to turn oth-
ers off to politics than anything else. PAGE 7A
Column: Ten Commandments moral code for all Americans
Ray Wittlinger says that the Ten Commandments should not be an issue of separation
of church and state. It should unite Americans under a moral code to treat all people
with respect. PAGE 7A
Church of Rock N Roll
midnight to 2 a.m. Jazz
in the Morning 6 a.m.
to 9 a.m. Breakfast for
Beatlovers 9 a.m. to
Noon News 7 a.m., 8
a.m., 9 a.m., 6 p.m. Sports Talk 6:15 p.m.
to 7 p.m. Progressive Sounds 9 p.m. to
For more
news, turn
Channel 31
in Lawrence. The student-produced
news airs at 5:30 p.m., 7:30 p.m.,
9:30 p.m. and 11:30 p.m. every
Monday through Friday.
Tell us your news
Contact Andrew Vaupel,
Donovan Atkinson, Misty
Huber, Amanda Kim Stairrett
or Marissa Stephenson at
864-4810 or
Kansan newsroom
111 Stauffer-Flint Hall
1435 Jayhawk Blvd.
Lawrence, KS 66045
(785) 864-4810
Rumors are wrong;
‘Jocasta’ clothes stay on
The rumors floating around the
department of English aren’t true. No
one is naked in the English Alternative
Theatre’s production of Michele
Fabien’s full-length play “Jocasta.”
Some people in the department
might be sensitive about partial nudity,
but the showing of skin is comparable
to a beach movie, said Zacory
Boatright, Topeka senior and stage
However, “Jocasta,” a retelling of
classical Greek playwright Sophocles’
“Oedipus Rex” from the viewpoint of
the queen and mother, has intimate
scenes with the actors wearing revealing
costumes. “Oedipus,” the Greek myth
where Oedipus kills his father and then
marries Jocasta, his mother, is taught in
freshman English classes.
The nudity rumor might have origi-
nated from an e-mail sent to teachers
explaining that this version contained
more mature material than what’s
taught in class, said Paul Lim, director
of the play and English professor.
“It’s hot, it’s sexy and very now,”
Boatright said.
The theatre is producing Fabien’s ver-
sion of the myth so students who are
studying the tale can see it come to life,
Lim said. It will also inspire classroom
discussion and give a new perspective of
the play, he said.
“So often, modern audiences shy
away from Greek theatre,” said Dianne
Reyner, Lawton, Okla., graduate stu-
dent, who plays Jocasta in the play. “I
think it will enhance people’s under-
standing from it.”
Fabien’s play was written in 1981 and
was intended to be a one-man show, but
Lim adapted it to include a five-person
cast featuring a younger and older
Jocasta and Oedipus and a narrator.
When Lim read the script, he said he
heard five voices in his head from the
Making it into a five-person play
shows the conflict between the charac-
ters better than the one-person version,
Boatright said.
One example is that the play shows
what actually happens to Jocasta,
whereas she was off-stage in Sophocles’
“In Sophocles’ play, Jocasta is seen
briefly and kills herself,” Lim said.
Fabien’s play is rooted with modern-
feminist themes and female desire, Lim
“It’s about how men look at women
and how women should be allowed to
look at men,” Lim said. “It’s more
acceptable in society for an older man
to date a younger woman, but it’s
frowned upon for an older woman to
date a younger man.”
— Edited by Ross Fitch
✦ WHAT: “Jocasta” by Michele
✦ WHEN: 8 tonight and tomor-
row, 2:30 p.m. Sunday
✦ WHERE: Lawrence Arts
Center, 940 New Hampshire
✦ COST: $6 for students, $8 for
senior citizens and $10 gener-
al admission
Source: English Alternative Theatre
Performance info
Oedipus and Jocasta, played by
Aron Carlson, KU graduate, and
Jan Chapma, KU graduate,
express their feelings for each
other during a dress rehearsal
Wednesday evening. Paul Lim
adapted and directed “Jocasta”
by Michael Fabien for an English
Alternative Theatre and Lawrence
Arts Center production, which
opened last night. It can be seen
in the Lawrence Arts Center, 940
New Hampshire St., tonight and
tomorrow at 8 p.m. and Sunday
at 2:30 p.m.
The continuation of the fraternity’s
national charter will be discussed. The
national board of trustees will decide if
the charter will be repealed.
Mike Pillshaw, risk management
chairman for the IFC executive board
and Phi Kappa Theta member, was not
involved in the decision because his
membership in Phi Kappa Theta.
Pillshaw said he was disappointed in
the decision.
“I was just shocked because we were
the first house to ever get expelled from
the University,” Pillshaw said.
Pillshaw said his position with the
IFC was in jeopardy after a Tuesday
meeting in which his position on the
council was questioned.
He said the IFC could vote on his
risk management position during the
next meeting on April 12. He said it
would take a two-thirds vote of the
IFC to kick him off the commission.
Shorten said Pillshaw’s position
remained safe at this point unless he
had some sort of involvement with the
unregistered party. Shorten could not,
however, confirm a decision on
Pillshaw’s position next week.
Members of Phi Kappa Theta will
not have their house next year and are
not allowed to pledge another fraterni-
ty. Pillshaw said that many people
from the 35-member fraternity would
move to Highpointe, 2001 W. Sixth St.,
apartments next year.
“It was a house decision,” Pillshaw
said. “We’d all like to stay closely knit.”
Jeremy Schuyler, Lawrence fresh-
man, said it was this type of brother-
hood that convinced him to join the
house. And while he doesn’t agree
with the IFC’s decision, he is glad fra-
ternity members will remain close.
“It’s kind of a downer that all this
stuff has happened all at once,” he
said. “Everybody is trying to make
amends and make things back to
where it was.”
He said the fraternity would try to
remain involved with its philanthropy,
the Children’s Miracle Network.
The fraternity traditionally hosts a
capture the flag event for the organiza-
tion in April. Moreno said he would
like to see the event happen this year
despite the fraternity’s struggles.
Responsibility of the infraction
shouldn’t be placed solely on Phi
Kappa Theta, Schuyler said. The IFC
should enforce policies equally as
strict with all chapters, he said.
He said, however, that all members
of Phi Kappa Theta had an equal roll
in the violations.
“We can’t really cast blame on any-
one. We’re all responsible,” he said.
“It’s just as much Matt’s problem as it
is my problem.”
— Edited by Austin Caster
Rylan Howe/KANSAN
news friday, april 1, 2005 the university daily kansan 5A
✦ A 22-year-old KU student reported stolen an
unknown amount of Hydrocodone to
Lawrence police between 10:30 p.m. March 23
and 11:30 a.m. March 24 from the 1700 block
of West 19th Street. The medicine is valued at
✦ A 46-year-old KU Memorial Unions employ-
ee reported graffiti spray painted on a side-
walk to the KU Public Safety Office between
5 p.m. March 29 and 7 a.m. March 30
between the 1300 and 1400 blocks of
Jayhawk Boulevard. The damage is estimat-
ed at $300. The graffiti was advertising a
✦ Student Union Activities will sponsor Tunes At
Noon today at the Kansas Union Plaza. This
event is free. Call 864-SHOW for more infor-
✦ Student Union Activities will sponsor a
screening of the film “Ocean’s Twelve” at 7
and 9:30 tonight at Woodruff Auditorium in
the Kansas Union. Tickets are $2 or free with
SUA Movie Card. Call 864-SHOW for more
✦ English Alternative Theatre will present the
play “Jocasta” from 8 to 9:30 p.m. tonight and
tomorrow night and at 2:30 p.m. Sunday at
the Lawrence Arts Center, 940 New Hampshire
St. Tickets are $6 for students. Call 864-3642
for more information.
✦ Golf Course Superintendents Association of
America will host the Lisa Ramos Bland
Scholarship fundraiser from 9:30 a.m. to 1:30
p.m. Sunday in the St. John’s Parish base-
ment, 12th and Kentucky. Contact Kathy
Thomas at 841-2240 for more information.
✦ Students in Communications Studies will
sponsor a bowling fundraiser from noon to 3
p.m. Sunday at Jaybowl in the Kansas Union.
Pizza will be available. Call (847) 668-7715 for
more information.
✦ Cellist Zuill Bailey will perform at 2 p.m.
Sunday at the Lied Center as part of the
Swarthout Chamber Music Series. Call 864-
2787 for more information.
Note: The University Daily Kansan prints campus events
that are free and open to the public. Submission forms
are available in the Kansan newsroom, 111 Stauffer-Flint
Hall. Items must be turned in two days in advance of the
desired publication date. On Campus is printed on a
space available basis.
Professor researches diversity
A University of Kansas researcher
is gaining national attention after he
conducted a study based on other
people’s work.
Val Smith, professor of ecology
and evolutionary biology, found that
phytoplankton, microscopic plants
that live in water, tend to be more
diverse in larger habitats. His
research supports the theory that
species diversity is determined by
habitat size.
To reach this conclusion, he com-
pared past research to see if a basic
rule of ecology could be applied to
his studies.
During the course of his research,
he spent more time in the library
than the laboratory. His paper,
“Phytoplankton Species Richness
Scales Consistently From
Laboratory Microcosms to The
World’s Oceans,” was published in
the March 22 issue of the
Proceedings of the National
Academy of Sciences.
While Smith did use research data
from similar past experiments, he
used data unrelated to the research,
such as biological surveys of the
Great Lakes and Lake Baikal in
He also conducted several of his
own small scale experiments in his
After gathering all the informa-
tion, he synthesized it. The research
provides reasoning that small closed
experiments can be used in research-
ing environments, he said.
A collaborator and colleague of
Smith, Brian Foster, said this type of
research, called meta-analysis, was
not uncommon. Studies in the med-
ical field can involve researchers
analyzing primary research and ask-
ing bigger questions.
Using phytoplankton as the
model provided a universal applica-
tion, Foster, an assistant ecology
and evolutionary biology professor
“Phytoplankton are cosmopoli-
tan, they’re able to get around and
live in a variety of habitats,” he said.
Smith began his research after he
was asked to join the National
Center for Ecological Analysis and
Synthesis several years ago.
As technology has improved,
researchers like Smith have attempt-
ed to examine whether the rule
about habitat size controlling diver-
sity applied to phytoplankton.
Smith simply took the information
that was available and made sense
of it.
Now Smith hopes that a
researcher will investigate why this
rule exists.
“It doesn’t make sense that a body
the size of a water bottle and the
Arctic Ocean are ruled by the same
principle,” he said.
— Edited by Kendall Dix
Erin Droste/KANSAN
Professor Val Smith demonstrates how he examines the water samples he
uses in his study of water diversity yesterday in his office in Haworth Hall. Smith
said he and his staff have completed much of the field work needed for the
research and were working mostly in the laboratory conducting experiments
and analyzing their work.
Firefighters, police respond to
smoke in Allen Fieldhouse
As the competition for the NCAA champi-
onship heats up, so did Allen Fieldhouse.
Firefighters and police were called to the field-
house at about 1:30 p.m. yesterday after some-
one inside smelled smoke.
Mark Bradford, deputy fire chief, said one of
the air handling units in the southwest corner of
the third floor overheated and started smoking.
The smoking unit set off the fire alarms.
The number three air handling unit, which
coincidentally has a red “no smoking” sign
attached to it, is located right next to a storage
area filled with cardboard boxes, posters and
There was no damage to the fieldhouse or
external damage to the unit.
This is the second time this year firefighters
have been called to the fieldhouse. A cardboard
box of potato chips caught fire in the fieldhouse
March 2.
— Estuardo Garcia
Nicoletta Niosi/KANSAN
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Friday, April 1* – 7:30 p.m.
world music from Papua New Guinea
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Sunday, April 3* – 2:00 p.m.
with Robert Koenig, pianist
Zuill Bailey, cellist
• Pre-Performance Lecture – 1:00 p.m.
• Program: Mendelssohn’s Variations
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news 6a the university daily kansan friday, april 1, 2005
Barbeque to raise scholarship
money for local parishioners
St. John’s Catholic Church, 1234 Kentucky St.,
will hold the third annual barbeque fundraiser in
honor of the Lisa Ramos Bland Memorial
The event will take place Sunday, April 3 from
9:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. in the Parish Hall.
The cost is $8 for adults, $4 for children and
$20 for a family of four.
The barbeque will help to raise part of the
$2000 for a scholarship for students who are
members of any Douglas County parish.
Bland was killed by a 16-year-old drunken
driver on Sept. 16, 2000.
“I think it’s important for people to go to the
event and remember her,” Jim Bland, Lisa’s wid-
ower, said. “At the same time it benefits stu-
dents who will get money for the scholarship.”
Additional money for the scholarship would
come from outside donations, Bland said.
— Nate Karlin
KUnited fined for violating
campaigning regulations
KUnited was found guilty for campaigning
inside residence halls illegally at a Election
Commission violation hearing yesterday.
The coalition was fined $25, as the action was
determined to be a minor violation. Two mem-
bers of the coalition went door-to-door giving out
coalition posters and buttons for residences to put
in their rooms. The commission found Lance
Mall, KUnited member, not guilty for soliciting;
however, it found the coalition as a whole guilty
for supporting the campaigning. Jack Connor, a
Student Voice member who filed the complaint,
said the punishment should have been stricter.
“When the person gets off like he did, they
will continue to do it all day,” Connor, Overland
Park freshman, said. “Campaigning in the resi-
dence halls has been a problem in the past, and
this will not stop it.”
Nick Sterner, presidential candidate for
KUnited, had no comment on the commission’s
— Daniel Berk
said Josh Hernandez, Boulder, Colo.,
law student, said.
“The school knows it has good pro-
fessors and good programs and have
been resting on that for a while,”
Hernandez said. “They need to play
the game like other schools. If they
don’t, it will make us look bad.”
Hernandez isn’t worried about the
drop in rank affecting his career.
“It’s one of the best regional
schools,” Hernandez said. “The area
doesn’t have much else to offer.”
A lot of apprehension exists among
law students and nobody really knows
what’s going to happen on the job
market, said Chris Schulz, Seguin,
Texas, law student.
“I’m trying to get a job right now
and it’s very stressful,” Schulz said.
“There’s something wrong with you if
you’re not concerned.”
McAllister put together an open
forum at noon yesterday to address
student concerns with the ranking
He estimated that 80 to 100 stu-
dents attended. He said he told stu-
dents that the quality of education was
no different because of the new rank-
“It wouldn’t make sense for me
transfer because I’ve built so many
friends here and the numbers don’t
reflect the education I’m getting here,”
Schulz said.
— Edited by Ross Fitch
Ahead of the game
Other professionals have said
Clarkson’s 50-year run in the field is
highlighted by the progress he has
continued to make.
“If you do the same thing for 50
years, I don’t know how you would get
out of bed,” Snead said. “To keep your
interest up, you’ve got to change.”
And for a photographer who began
his career with a old-fashioned speed
graphics camera, technological advance-
ments have not slowed Clarkson down.
Clarkson was usually ahead of the
game when it came to technological
advancements in sports photography.
He was the first to put digital cameras
behind the backboard glass to capture
action shots around the hoop, said
Snead, who used to poke fun at
Clarkson’s idea.
“I asked him if he had his Windex
to wipe down the board,” he said.
But Snead said Clarkson never
feared trying a new technique.
For Clarkson, tournament time
poses the biggest challenges to main-
tain originality. Photographers often
think about more creative opportuni-
ties during the postseason because by
then people have seen many basket-
ball pictures, Clarkson said.
He knows from experience that
creativity could cause photographers
to miss the most important shot of the
“By the time you get to the cham-
pionship game at the Final Four,
you’re making damn sure that you
aren’t taking one of those kinds of
gambles in the name of creativity,”
Clarkson said.
— Edited by Azita Tafreshi
Schiavo dies 13 days
after tube removed
her husband and parents feuding
to the bitter end and beyond, Terri
Schiavo died yesterday, 13 days
after her feeding tube was
removed in a wrenching right-to-
die dispute that engulfed the
courts, Capitol Hill and the White
House and divided the country.
Cradled by her husband, Schiavo,
41, died a “calm, peaceful and
gentle death” at about 9 a.m., a
stuffed animal under her arm,
flowers arranged around her hos-
pice room, said George Felos,
Michael Schiavo’s attorney.
No one from her side of the
family was with her at the
moment of her death.
— The Associated Press
Pope has high fever
from urinary infection
VATICAN CITY — Pope John Paul
II was responding to treatment with
antibiotics yesterday and described
as stable after he suddenly devel-
oped a high fever brought on by a
urinary tract infection, Italian news
agencies reported. The pontiff's
health had declined sharply and rap-
idly a day after he began receiving
nutrition through a feeding tube. At
the edge of St. Peter's Square, hun-
dreds of people gathered early yes-
terday, concerned about the fragile
pope. A few knelt on the cobble-
stones to pray, others wrapped blan-
kets around themselves as they kept
vigil through the night.
— The Associated Press
8PM March 31, April 1-2
2:30PM April 3
Lawrence Arts Center
940 New Hampshire
Tickets (785) 843-2787 $6 Students $8 Seniors $10 Others
Bob Johnson’s article today got me so pumped that I
chugged a keg of beer and had sex with 10 women.

To all the Kerry supporters, take down your signs. Bush
won. Get over it.

The day after Christmas and Easter earthquakes hit
Indonesia. Jesus is coming back.

I would like to quote Ann Coulter. She said that “you are
stupider than I thought you were.” Could someone point
out to this lady that “stupider” is not a word, that it’s
actually “more stupid”?

Bill Self is the greatest recruiter in
college basketball.

Is Russell Robinson really gonna

Hey J.R., watch out, Chalmers is
gonna take your number next fall.

To the person who made the com-
ment about stealing iPods, I was
just wondering if you wanted to
team up, because I want one, too.

To the idiot who thinks he’s going to steal my iPod, you
better watch out for me.

Hey 34D, I wish I could help you out, but I’m a 38D, so at
least I feel your pain. Burn away.

Pick me, pick me, I’m a 34D!

So there’s nothing hotter than seeing guys with roller
bags around campus.

Andrew Vaupel, editor
864-4810 or
Donovan Atkinson, Misty Huber, Amanda
Kim Stairrett and Marissa Stephenson
managing editors
864-4810 or
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opinion editors
864-4924 or
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864-4358 or
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Shouting protesters no better
than Ann Coulter’s ranting
Ten Commandments should
unite, not divide Americans
Free for All callers have 20 seconds to speak about
any topic they wish. Kansan editors reserve the right
to omit comments. Slanderous and obscene state-
ments will not be printed. Phone numbers of all
incoming calls are recorded.
For more comments, go to
Call 864-0500
Several years ago, I watched a family mem-
ber die, and I know that life and death aren’t
separated by a bright line. He moved closer to
the end for weeks in the hospital, and he went
from there to a nursing home because the doc-
tors knew he only had weeks left to live. He
drifted further away through the day before he
died. Overnight he went from tired but conver-
sational to comatose and we knew it was a mat-
ter of hours, not weeks. His breathing slowed,
and one pause between breaths didn’t end. The
death certificate says when the doctor stopped
listening for a heart beat, but he was reallygone
the night before.
Theresa Marie Schiavo, who died yesterday,
went through an even slower transition. Bulimia
resulted in a heart attack, which caused brain
damage and a coma. For 15 years, her brain
atrophied, and her husband, family and friends
watched her drift away from them, moored to
this world by a feeding tube.
Death isn’t simple. Feeding tubes and life sup-
port can stop a person’s descent into death,
pausing them as if in mid-air. Sometimes doc-
tors can pull someone back. In other cases, as
with Mrs. Schiavo’s, they can’t. Drawing a bright
line in that gray area is complicated, and differ-
ent people will make different decisions. Mrs.
Schiavo made her decision and expressed it to
her husband and their friends. We should
respect that, just as we should respect other
people’s wish to draw that line elsewhere.
Like most Americans, she didn’t want to per-
sist when her mind was gone, and the courts
were right to respect that wish.
People who choose differently deserve and
should receive the same protections.
As someone who has been through this
process, I resent attacks by conservatives on a
caring husband. This decision can’t have been
easy for any member of the family, and the
attacks on the Schiavo’s marriage are inappro-
priate, as is the attempt by certain authoritarian
conservatives to force their views on Mrs.
Schiavo and the nation.
Let Mrs. Schiavo’s legacy be a sincere nation-
al discussion about the dying process. Let her
be remembered through compassionate laws
that help families confront the most dispiriting
choices. Please, don’t let her legacy be the divi-
sion and strife that have been sown around her.
Let her rest in peace.
Joshua Rosenau
Lawrence graduate student
Ecology and evolutionary biology
In three years of attending
this University, I can’t think
of any time I’ve been
ashamed to do so.
I can’t think of any time
I’ve looked around at my
fellow students and felt
utterly embarrassed. I’ve
also never walked out on a
speech, play, movie or any
kind of presentation at the University of
Then, on Tuesday night, I saw Ann Coulter.
My friend and I watched the spectacle for less
than a half hour and decided that if we wanted to
see something like that again, we’d go to the cir-
cus next time. But this wasn’t because of Coulter.
No, I knew what to expect from her. I knew she’d
be specious, illogical and at times downright hate-
ful. I had no idea that so many specious, illogical
and downright hateful liberal college students
would show up to prove her right when she called
liberals idiots.
These protesters in the back shouted, yelled,
threatened violence, laughed inappropriately and
acted like complete morons at an academic lec-
ture attended by 1,800 people. No air of intelli-
gence left their mouths, just more yelling. Like try-
ing to kill a fly with a machine gun.
The people in the back of the auditorium were
pundits, and I mean that as the worst insult possi-
The pundit is devoid of critical thinking:
Pundits see a label and react. They are respon-
sible for the apathy that most college kids have
for politics. They yell until they think they’ve
won. But when intelligent discussion is
replaced by blind loyalty, we’ve lost all sem-
blance of what our forefathers intended free
speech to evoke.
Those who fought for free speech intended for
people to be able to speak out against real injus-
tices, real social problems in the world, in an effort
to discern the most effective, utilitarian govern-
ment possible.
I think the people who founded our country,
nay, any proponent of virile democracy, would
have been sick to the stomach at Tuesday
night’s speech. And I wish I could say it was just
one side.
I really wish I could say, “Oh man, those
damned Republicans were being jerks!” or “Those
Democrats just won’t stop complaining about
But I’d be lying to you. I read the news arti-
cle in The University Daily Kansan on
Wednesday, and you would-
n’t have had any clue how
obnoxious the “protesters”
were. You would have
thought it was business as
usual for a highly conserva-
tive speaker on a highly lib-
eral campus.
All this taking sides is
what stops our country
from progressing. There is, unfortunately, a
third party in America. These are the pundits.
By adhering to a system that promotes apathy,
they are taking away the most important reason
democracy was even created.
The people in the auditorium that identify
themselves as “staunch Republicans” had all their
suspicions confirmed last night about people that
identify themselves as “staunch liberals.” They
will now associate all liberals with the “protesters”
in the back of the auditorium, and consequently
disassociate them with any kind of progressive
Now, do I agree with the protesters? Sure. I
don’t think we should, according to Coulter, make
converting the Middle East to Christianity a mis-
sion of the military, and I don’t think we should
bomb The New York Times. I don’t think
Vietnam veterans that protested the war caused us
to lose said war. I mean, come on, she’s crazy; let’s
get that out of the way.
But the “protesters” in the back of the auditori-
um were equally as crazy, and I just hope they
realize they weren’t helping advance progressive
social changes by turning Coulter’s speech into a
If anything, it confirmed every Republican in
the Lied Center’s suspicions that Democrats are
all a bunch of crazies, which is quite unfortunate,
because they should instead fight to be associated
with open-mindedness.
And anyone who hadn’t drawn a side Tuesday
night will be turned off to politics altogether. And
a college kid who stays home instead of voting is
a victory for the conservatives; trust me.
So in closing, I want to make sure the “protest-
ers” on Tuesday night realize they didn’t accom-
plish a damned thing.
All they did was make sure that Ann Coulter
remained “controversial,” made the $25,000 they
paid her seem worth it, and probably helped her
sell a ton more of her books.
Way to stick it to Ann Coulter, guys. I’m sure
she’s crying all the way to the bank.
✦Sevcik is a Leavenworth junior in English.
Schiavo case misunderstood;
Life, death distinction not clear line
Everyone knows we have
a problem distinguishing just
what the separation between
church and state is in these
United States.
Often it’s hard to tell if a
separation even exists. There
really shouldn’t be a problem
distinguishing between the
Ten Commandments and the
As the Supreme Court spends time deliberating
on whether statues or monuments of the Ten
Commandments can be placed on grounds of gov-
ernment buildings, Americans face another moral
It is certainly hard to argue that religion
plays no role in our govern-
ment. God is everywhere
these days in American
democracy. On the national
motto, the dollar bill, coins,
the pledge of allegiance and
even in the oath our
President takes to assume
office. You name it, he’s
So why all of a sudden is
there this question of
whether or not a higher
power should have a hand in
the laws of the land?
The presence of the Ten
Commandments near a gov-
ernment institution can be
offensive only if you let it be.
The great debate we have now is about letting the
theology of some dictate the lives of others.
We do face a grave danger in becoming a state
of discrimination by telling Americans who can
marry and who cannot. Even the fight to keep
stem cell research harnessed and at a minimum
based on personal beliefs threatens the ingenuity
of America.
Many question why it
would be such a bad thing at
all for everyone to have to
live by the Ten
Commandments. Outlined
in this sacred document are
indeed some of our country’s
most fundamental laws.
There still must be respect
though for the difference in opinion on the
authority rather than the law. Of course both God
and a government do not tolerate nor allow mur-
der, but if some do not believe in God as an
authority figure, they may just not follow his law.
There, we face a moral danger.
Aethiests and Christians have argued for years
as to why there should even
be a division between the
government and church.
While one believes they
deserve protection from the
other, one believes they
exert power over the other.
The Ten Commandments
is an actual object that just
may have the ability to unite
the two with common
beliefs in respect for each
human individual. Instead it
serves as one of the greatest
Tolerance really does
extend in two different
directions. While it is impor-
tant to understand and sup-
port followers of each religious background, it is
equally important to respect those with no reli-
gious background. But allowing basic rules of
humanity to offend you and frighten you is
✦Wittlinger is an Olathe freshman in political science.
The Ten Commandments
serve as a moral code that
all humans should live by
and should not be a source
of contention about separa-
tion of church and state. It
shuld unite between athe-
ists and Christians.
Now batting .313 as a team,
the Jayhawk lineup consists of
seven starters hitting .300 or
better. Nebraska outscored
Kansas 24-14 in the series, but
the Jayhawks proved their
offensive ability by getting 27
hits against the Cornhuskers’
Junior outfielder Gus Milner
continues to lead the way from
the clean-up spot in the Kansas
lineup. Milner is batting .357
and leads the team with nine
doubles. He was one of only
two Jayhawks to hit a home run
against the Cornhuskers and
collected three RBI in his first
Big 12 series.
As Baty fills in for an injured
Ryne Price at second base,
freshman John Allman took the
opportunity to play Baty’s spot
in the outfield. Allman is cur-
rently hitting .391 and went 5-9
with two RBI in the Nebraska
Junior outfielder A.J. Van
Slyke has had success at the
plate, hitting .320 and leading
the Jayhawks with 29 RBI.
“If we swing the bats as well
as we did [against Nebraska] I
think we are capable of going in
there and winning two,” Price
On the mound, the Aggies
can expect to face tonight’s
scheduled starter Mike
Zagurski. The senior left-han-
der (4-2) has a 4.21 ERA and
struck out a team-high 62 bat-
ters this season.
In game one, junior right-
hander Kodiak Quick (7-2) may
see a couple of innings in relief.
He is holding batters to a .251
average and has a 3.29 ERA.
Junior right-handed closer Don
Czyz (2-1) will most likely see
significant time on the hill. In
his 31 innings of relief this sea-
son, Czyz has a 2.32 ERA and
37 strikeouts. As a staff, the
Kansas pitchers have a 3.87
ERA, just more than the Aggies’
With a 7-3 record at home,
Texas A&M faces a Kansas
team coming off a 7-6 victory
against Lamar. Compared to
Kansas’ .313 team batting aver-
age, Texas A&M is hitting just
.278 as a club.
At the plate, the Aggies have
been feeding off the momentum
of senior outfielder Andrew
Baldwin’s six-game hit streak.
During the streak, Baldwin is
hitting .583 and has eight RBI.
His game-deciding solo home
run in the seventh inning
against Lamar was his second
home run of the game and third
of the season.
Junior shortstop Cliff
Pennington, the best offensive
starter, is hitting .398 and leads
the Aggies in home runs (5) and
RBI (25).
On the mound, the Jayhawks
will likely face the Big 12’s co-
pitcher of the week for week
four, sophomore lefty Jason
Meyer (5-1), who has a 3.35
As the season enters the
must-win conference stretch,
Price said he knew what he
expected from his team.
“We’re trying to win five of
the nine series,” he said of the
Big 12 schedule. “If we win five
of nine during the course of the
year, we’ll make the Big 12 tour-
nament and most likely the
NCAA tournament as well.”
The first pitch is at 7 p.m. at
Olsen Field.
— Edited by Kendall Dix
sports 8A the university daily kansan friday, april 1, 2005
record times in a the spring
freestyle and butterfly. Only
KU swimming legend Tammy
Thomas has matched her
Gruber credited some of
her drive to succeed to
Campbell, whom she consid-
ered a coach, supporter and
“It takes a tough guy to
coach 30 girls year after year,”
she said. “He understands my
disappointments and reminds
me there’s always something
to improve on.”
If Gruber decides to leave
swimming, she said she really
wanted to work in athletics.
She said she would eventually
like be an athletics director or
an associate director.
But regardless of her deci-
sion concerning her future in
swimming, Campbell said the
KU swimming program would
miss her.
“Amy has left her mark on
the Kansas swimming pro-
gram,” he said. “You never
replace someone like Amy.”
— Edited by Ross Fitch
Kansas negotiates
Adidas contract
The University of Kansas
Athletics Department could
make a formal announce-
ment about a new apparel
deal with Adidas as early as
next week.
“We have been talking to
several apparel companies
regarding our next apparel
deal,” said Jim Marchiony,
associate athletics director
for external affairs. “When
we do sign a deal, it will put
Kansas in the upper echelon
of such deals in college ath-
Marchiony declined to con-
firm whether the department
would officially switch to
Adidas as its new apparel
— Ross Fitch
Kansas continues
losing streak
In a doubleheader against
Wichita State yesterday, the
Kansas softball team extended
its losing streak to four
Kansas lost
the first game
5-4 in eight
instead of the
normal six,
and fell 7-3 in
the second
In the first
game, the
collected 10 hits, including a
home run over the left field
fence from Serena
Settlemier, junior pitcher and
co-captain, in the fourth
inning. But the Shockers
picked up two runs in the
eighth inning and picked up
the victory.
In the second game, the
Shockers rallied in the bottom
of the sixth. The team scored
five runs and gained a 7-3
lead, and the Jayhawks were
unable to come back.
The team’s next game is
this weekend against Texas
A&M. The Jayhawks will play
the Aggies at 2 p.m. tomorrow
and at noon Sunday at
Arrocha Ballpark.
— Drew Davison
(785) 231-1010
At Washburn University
Online Courses OR
1st Five Week Session
May 24 to June 30
8 Week Session
May 24 to July 21
2nd Five Week Session
July 5 to August 4
Online Courses OR
1st Five Week Session
8 Week Session
2nd Five Week Session
Summer 2005 Summer 2005
Campus coupons
coming soon to a Kansan near you
sports friday, april 1, 2005 the university daily kansan 9A
Athletics calendar
✦ Baseball vs. Texas A&M, 7 p.m., College Station,
✦ Baseball vs. Texas A&M, 7 p.m., College Station,
✦ Rowing vs. Drake, Tulsa, all day, Lawrence
✦ Soccer vs. Minnesota, 11 a.m., Jayhawk Soccer
✦ Softball vs. Texas A&M, 2 p.m., Arrocha Ballpark
✦ Tennis vs. Baylor, 1 p.m., Waco, Texas
✦ Baseball vs. Texas A&M, 1 p.m., College Station,
✦ Softball vs. Texas A&M, 1 p.m., Arrocha Ballpark
✦ Tennis vs. Texas Tech, 11 a.m., Lubbock, Texas
✦ Softball vs. UMKC, 3 p.m., Arrocha Ballpark
✦ Swimming at world championship trials, all day,
Intramural scoreboard
Delta Chi 1 def. Hardwood Sluggers 15-0
Team Priest def. Los Fulanos 14-1
Cajuns def. DU 2 18-4
Lime Green Machine def. Turd Sandwiches
Billy’s Bombers def. Poles and Holes 11-9
Apt. M def. GP-Maggie 13-2
3-on-3 soccer
Kappa Sig 2 def. Triangle 3-2
UnKnown def. Rehab 4-3
Home regatta to honor seniors
The Kansas women’s rowing
team will host its first and last regat-
ta for the season tomorrow.
A barbeque celebrating Senior Day
will follow the races against Tulsa and
Drake at 2 p.m. on the Kansas River.
This year’s seniors are Rachel
Chapman, Kristy Hainer, Erin
Hennessey, LeAnna Kemp, Ashlea
Kramer and Crystal Reed.
For Hennessey, this meet brings
more than a senior celebration.
“My dad is coming down from
Wyoming just to see me race,” she
said. “This will be the first race my
dad has ever seen.”
Besides her parents, nine other
members of Hennessey’s family will
attend the regatta.
This is a day that
she has waited for
since she started
competing more
than three years
ago, she said.
“It’s a happy and
sad event all at the
same time,” she
said. “It will be our
last home race, so
that’s pretty sad.”
Having friends and family attend
would also provide support for the
team, Hennessey said.
With any sport, it’s always nice to
have the “home court” advantage,
coach Rob Catloth said.
“You always do well on your
home course,” he said. “The women
know the course pretty well now.”
The Jayhawks matched up against
Tulsa and Drake last year in
Lawrence. All three teams started
their season at about the same time,
which was different compared to the
last regatta with No. 15 Texas, which
began racing well before spring break.
“They have raced as much as we
have,” assistant coach Jennifer
Myers said. “This makes it an even
playing field.”
Hennessey said she was focused
on the Jayhawks’ race, regardless of
the other teams positions on the
water and the thrill of racing at home.
“We need to focus on rowing our
race,” she said. “That’s one of the
things our coach tells us. We keep
racing hard regardless of where the
other boats are.”
Catloth said he wanted to see
“We’re looking forward to continue
our improvement,” he said. “Our race
against Texas wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t
perfect. We need to race down this
course, taking good, clean strokes.”
After the race, Hennessey and the
other seniors will be eager to cele-
brate, but she wants the team to cel-
ebrate its victories as well.
“I hope everyone can say they
gave 100 percent,” she said. “The
team should be able to say that they
paid attention to technique and what
we’ve learned in practices. We need
to remember all the things that we’ve
been taught in previous weeks.”
The races tomorrow will include
the Varsity Eight, Novice Eight, two
Varsity Four races, and two Novice
Four races.
— Edited by Lori Bettes
Kansas ‘starting to peak at right time’
The Kansas women’s tennis team
(4-9, 3-2 Big 12) has won its last two
matches over conference opponents,
Oklahoma and Oklahoma State.
Kansas will get an opportunity for a
third Big 12 victory tomorrow
against Baylor (14-4, 5-0 Big 12).
Kansas is undefeated on the road
in the Big 12.
“The confidence level and the
competitiveness are there,” coach
Amy Hall-Holt said.
The improvement of junior
Christine Skoda, who ranks second
in the conference with a 4-1 singles
mark, has been one of the reasons
for Kansas’ success.
Skoda began the spring season 0-
5 and now is considered the
Jayhawks top all-around threat.
“I’m feeling more confident in my
shots,” Skoda said.
Hall-Holt said Skoda, one of two
upperclassmen on the squad, had
started to fill a leadership role.
“She’s going to keep on taking her
game to a higher level,” Hall-Holt
The other junior,
Luiza Loureiro,
who has battled
back pain this sea-
son, has assisted
Skoda with team
“I like to cheer
for my teammates,”
Loureiro said. “I
can be really loud.”
Loureiro, who has solely per-
formed as a doubles player, said she
expected to play this weekend.
“I think I can go,” Loureiro says.
“It’s painful, but I’m going.”
Freshman Stephanie Smith has
reeled off two straight singles victo-
ries. She has been praised by coach-
es for her baseline game and aggres-
sive competitiveness.
Baylor earned its highest-ever
ranking in the program history earli-
er this week under the leadership of
third-year coach Joey Scrivano.
“Our team has improved a lot with
their attitude,” Scrivano said. “We
want to be excellent out on the court
no matter who our opponent is.”
Scrivano, who led Baylor to the
Big 12 Conference championship in
his first season in 2003, has a talented
player in freshman Zuzana
Zemenova, the only Big 12 player
ranked in the top 25 nationally, has
won 12 of her last 13 singles matches.
“We knew it would be just a matter
of time before she made an impact
before the national scene,” Scrivano
Standout talent Klara Zrustova, a
sophomore from the Czech
Republic, has seen action at both
the number three and four singles
position for Baylor.
Zrustova has won 14 straight sin-
gles matches, 13 of which were
straight-set victories.
“She puts a lot of pressure on her
opponents to beat her,” Scrivano
said. “I don’t see anything changing
with her.”
Sophomore Carolin Walter, who
began the season ranked No. 31 in
the country, saw her ranking slip as
the NCAA slapped the German
native with a 13-match suspension
for competing at the collegiate level
with club tennis experience overseas.
The NCAA recognizes club tennis
as professional, which is not
allowed in the collegiate ranks.
Since her return, Walter is 2-2.
Scrivano said his team wouldn’t
underestimate Kansas.
“They are one of the up and com-
ing teams in the Big 12,” Scrivano
said. “They are starting to peak at
the right time.”
The match also will reunite a
coach and his former player. Kansas
Assistant coach Frank Polito, while
at Eastern Michigan, recruited and
coached Scrivano in 1993.
“I have a lot of respect for him. I
wish him all the best,” Scrivano said.
Polito said he remembered
Scrivano as a serve and volley play-
er who worked hard.
The coaches faced off while
Polito served as an interim head
coach at Ohio State, and Scrivano
was in his first season at Baylor.
“I am 1-0 against him right now,”
Polito said. “Hopefully, I can keep
that streak alive.”
Kansas will face Baylor at 1 p.m. in
Waco, followed by a Sunday match-
up against Texas Tech in Lubbock.
— Edited by Lisa Coble-Krings
Tell us your news
Contact Bill Cross or Jonathan Kealing at
864-4858 or
Local firms win stadium bid
WASHINGTON — The Washington Nationals’
new stadium will be built by a joint venture that
includes a company that designed 15 of the last
23 major league parks.
The team of HOK Sport + Venue +
Entertainment Inc., of Kansas City, Mo., and
Devrouax & Purnell Architects-Planners, of
Washington, was chosen yesterday by the D.C.
Sports and Entertainment Commission.
Washington’s ballpark will be built along the
Anacostia River waterfront, with the Nationals
expected to move in for the 2008 season.
— The Associated Press
entertainment 10a the university daily kansan friday, april 1, 2005
✦ Today’s Birthday. You have wit, charm
and lots of energy this year. That’s
good, because you’ll get to fight for
what you want at home, at work and
in your relationships. It’ll be fun.
✦ Aries (March 21-April 19) Today is a 7.
You’re hot, but it's not a good idea to
talk back to authorities. Use your wis-
dom, not your ability, to make wise-
cracks, and get your point across.
✦ Taurus (April 20-May 20) Today is a 6.
More research is required before you
make your next big move. Don’t head
down an unknown path before you
find out what’s at the other end.
✦ Gemini (May 21-June 21) Today is a 7.
You’d rather run and play with your
friends, and you may get to do some
of that. There are bills to be paid, how-
ever. Don’t overlook responsibilities.
✦ Cancer (June 22-July 22) Today is a 6.
Your reward for a job well done may
be an argument. Be ready to defend a
decision you’ve recently made. Cite
experience and history.
✦ Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Today is an 8.
Work interferes with travel for the next
few days. The orders you’ve been
given may change. The job takes
longer than expected. Reschedule lib-
✦ Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Today is a 7.
Give financial matters your attention
first, especially concerning your home.
After that, you’ll find it easier to relax
with the people you love, as always.
✦ Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) Today is a 6.
Some household projects are best left
to professionals, but some you can do.
Practice figuring out which are which,
✦ Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Today is a 7.
You’re into hands-on education, rather
than intellectual games. You want to
know whether or not actions are effec-
tive, and if they are, how to do them.
✦ Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Today is a
7. Make a connection with people you
love, don’t put it off any longer.
Financial troubles will fade later in the
month, don’t worry about that now.
But don’t go shopping, either.
✦ Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Today is a
6. You’re feeling feisty, but take care.
The family may have already made
plans that aren’t the same as yours.
Better check with them before you
make reservations.
✦ Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Today is a 7.
A group of friends provide you with a
brilliant new idea. This project requires
work on your part, however, and con-
centration. You’ll have to excuse your-
self from the festivities.
✦ Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Today is a 7.
A recent disruption loses importance,
as you and your friends discuss the
next objective. Make sure to keep the
costs down, there’s more coming after
Seth Bundy/KANSAN
Wes Benson/KANSAN
Billy O’Keefe/KRT CAMPUS
Topless Liquor
(Formerly Discount Liquor)
1805 W. 2nd next to Holidome
“Party like
you’re in
Jager Handles $34.65
Red Stripe 12 pks $9.49
944 Mass.
Red Lyon Tavern
Classifieds Policy:
The Kansan will not knowingly
accept any advertisement for
housing or employment that dis-
criminates against any person
or group of persons based on
race, sex, age, color, creed, reli-
gion, sexual orientation, nation-
ality or disability. Further, the
Kansan will not knowingly
accept advertising that is in vio-
lation of University of Kansas
regulation or law.
All real estate advertising in
this newspaper is subject to the
Federal Fair Housing Act of
1968 which makes it illegal to
advertise “any preference, limi-
tation or discrimination based
on race, color, religion, sex,
handicap, familial status or
national origin, or an intention,
to make any such preference,
limitation or discrimination.”
Our readers are hereby
informed that all jobs and hous-
ing advertised in this newspa-
per are available on an equal
opportunity basis.
Student legal matters/Residency issues
divorce, criminal & civil matters
The law offices of
Donald G. Strole Sally G. Kelsey
16 East 13th 842-5116
Free Initial Consultation
Eye Exams Contact Lenses
Dr. Matt Lowenstein
and Associates
Therapeutic Optometrists Therapeutic Optometrists
841-2500 841-2500
Located Next to SUPER TARGET
Discount with Student Id
Premier Girls Camp in New Hampshire
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Blue Sky Satellite, a sales and ser-
vice provider for DishNetwork is
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imd! Spanish speakers helpful, but
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Training Provided.800-965-6520 ext.108
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or visit
Front desk help needed for shifts 7am to
3 pm & 3pm to 11 pm. Involves week-
ends. Flexible schedule. Please apply in
person at Hampton Inn.
Amateur Female Models 18-23
wanted for fashion and glamour photogra-
phy-No nudity required. Cash paid + in-
Freelance Model Scouts wanted.
Send us models and get paid.
club. South Johnson County.913-685-4653
ext 8.
Make Money and Have Fun!
Athletic/creative counselors/coaches
needed; sports, water, art; apply online;
Help wanted for custom harvesting. Com-
bine operators and truck drivers. Guaran-
teed pay, good summer wages. Call
970-483-7490 evenings.
PHONE 785.864.4358 FAX 785.864.526 CLASSIFIEDS@KANSAN.COM
1-2-3 Bed
$99 Deposit
Call for Specials
4500 Overland Dr.
We’ve Gone Crazy!
2300 Wakarusa Dr.
(785) 749-1288 ABERDEEN
•Reduced Rates
•Flexible Lease Terms
•Free Rent
•Lowered Deposit
1, 2 & 3 Bedrooms
1, 2, & 3 Bedroom Townhomes
m sp
Lorimar & Courtside
For More Info: 785-841-7849
Lorimar Townhomes
3801 Clinton Parkway #F1
• Washer/Dryers
• Dishwasher
• Microwaves
• Patios
• Fireplaces
• Ceiling Fans
Courtside Townhomes
2, & 3 Bedroom Townhomes
• Washer/Dryers
• Dishwasher
• Microwaves
• Patios
• Gas Fireplaces
• Ceiling Fans
4100 Clinton Parkway
Come enjoy a townhome community where no one lives above or below you.
sk about 4 bdrm D
Open House
Sat. 11am- 3pm
1,2 & 3 Bedroom
2300 Wakarusa Drive
(785) 749-1288
Now Leasing
Dorms, Studios, 1, 2, 3 & 4 Bedroom
Free furnishing available
On KU Bus Routes
On-site Laundry
On-site Managers
24hr. Emergency Maintenance
Swimming Pool
Pets Allowed
Show Units Open daily
No appointments needed.
Office Hours Mon-Fri 9am-5pm
Sat. 10am-4pm
15th and Kasold
Teachers assistant needed 12-6p.m. Mon-
Fri. Apply at Children’s Learning Center
205 N. Michigan (785) 841-2185. EOE
For well established Irish Pub and Restau-
rant in the busy KC speedway area. Great
atmosphere. Call 913-788-7771. M-F
Available for June, 1 BR apts at Briar-
stone, 1000 Emery Rd. Great neighbor-
hood near KU. W/D hookups, ceiling fans,
mini blinds, balcony, DW, CA, $515/mo.
No pets. 749-7744.
The Kansas Bikini Team talent search is
underway. If you’ve been told you look
great in a bikini you may have what it
takes to represent our team and sponsors
at promotional appearances and on our
2006 calendar. Free portfolio photo shoot
worth $800, royalties paid on sold mer-
chandise, great modeling exposure. Apply
Shipping position open. $8.00 per
hour. 20 hours per week. Choose your
own hours. Must have own transportation.
Mileage reimbursed. Involves some heavy
lifting. Must be committed and depend-
able. Send letter and/or resume w/3 refer-
ences to: EEI, P.O. Box 1304, Lawrence,
KS 66044. EOE/AA.
HOURS a week-Saturdays, Summer, &
Fall. Availability Required. Apply in person
at The Mail Box at 3115 W. 6th St. Ste C.
Part time position at children’s museum in
Shawnee, KS. Weekday & weekend hrs
avail immediately. Call 913-268-4176.
Avail. June Small 3 BR Apt. in reno-
vated older house west of 13th and
Massachusetts. Window AC, private
deck, DW, wood floors, off street
parking, new 90% efficient gas fur-
nace, small BA, great closets, no
dogs. $725. Jim and Lois at 841-1074
1 & 2 BR apts. Walking distance to cam-
pus. Free water & gas. 550-2580.
1 BR avail June 1 between campus &
downtown, close to GSP-Corbin, $450
mo. no util. no pets 841-1207
$10! TVs, computers, etc.!
Police Seized! From $10! For info
800-366-0307 xM769
1, 2, 3 & 4 BR apts. & town homes
Now Leasing for Summer & Fall
walk-in closets, patio/balcony swimming
pool, KU bus route.
Or call 785-843-0011 to view
Need a New PC or Laptop? Bad Credit?
No Credit? No Problem! All we need is
a valid checking account and a current util-
i ty bi l l . Don’ t Del ay - Cal l Today
866-352-1735. FreshStartPCs.
500! Police Impounds! Hondas, Chevys,
Toyotas, etc. From $500!
Cars/ trucks/SUVs/Jeeps.
For listings 800-366-0124 x 4565
Affordable College Rates!
2 BR 1 & 1/2 BA
3 floor plans starting at $510
Taking deposits now.
Sunrise Place 841-8400
9th & Michigan
3 BR, duplex 2 BA, 1 car garage. 2 YR.
old. W/D hookup. no pets and no smok-
ing. Aug 1. 804 New Jersey $900/mo.
Applecroft Apartments
Starting at $490/mo. 1 & 2 BRs
Heat, A/C, Water, Trash paid!
2 BR, 1 BA, lrg. 444 California. On bus
route, W/D, CA, pets ok, $600. 550-7325.
3 BR, 2 BA, on bus rte., DW, W/D, newly
remodeled, $720/mo. water included, $50
electric paid per mo. 816-289-3502
Avail Aug. Large 2 BR Apt. in reno-
vated older house 10th and Ken-
tucky, wood floors, separate study,
DW, W/D hookups, off street park-
ing, no dogs $725 call Jim and Lois
Avail June. Large 2 BR Apt. in reno-
vated older circa 1900’s house on
the 1300 block of Vermont. Wood
floors, DW, an extra room to make a
study or office, brand new furnace,
private deck, double closets with
sliding mirror doors, bathroom is
tiny with stall shower, no dogs $725
call Jim and Lois at 841-1074
Avail Aug. Cozy 2 BR Apt in a reno-
vated older house, wood floor, DW,
W/D hookups, off street parking,
walk to downtown and KU, no dogs
$599 call Jim and Lois at 841-1074.
Avail June. Small 2 BR apt. 13th & Ver-
mont. DW, AC, off-street parki ng, no
dogs. $575/mo. 316-518-0860 / 841-1074
MAKE $$ Exciting, fun, summer working
with kids, on magnificent lake in central
Maine! Counselor positions still available:
Baseball, Basketball, Soccer, Lacrosse,
Hockey, Water-Ski, Wakeboard, Swim-
WSI, Sailing, Hiking, Overnight Camping,
Rock Cl i mbi ng,Woodworki ng, Arts &
Crafts. TOP SALARIES, Free
Room/Board, Travel Allowance. Apply
online ASAP: www.campcobbossee.-
com or call 1-800-473-6104
All adult movies
$12.98 & Up
1900 Haskell 785- 841-7504
Avail. Aug. Small 2 BR Apt. in reno-
vated older house, short walk to KU,
downtown and Dillons. Window AC,
ceiling fans, small private front
porch, off street parking, no dogs.
$495 call Jim and Lois 841-1074
Avail. 6/1 or 8/1 at 1037 Tenn. 1 BR, base-
ment apt. $310+ util., no smoking or pets,
off str. parking, 1 yr lease 785-550-6812
Avail. Aug. Studio & 1 BR Apts. in
renovated older houses. All walking
distance to KU and downtown. Wood
floors, some with dishwashers, each
apt is unique, no dogs. From $399 to
$479 call Jim and Lois at 841-1074
Avail. 5/1! GREAT downtown Mass.St.
Apt. 2 BD, 2 BA $750 /mo. + utilities. Call
2 & 3 BR starting at $750
Leasing for Fall
2 & 3 BR Houses
Large Living Areas & Kitchens
Now leasing for June/Aug.
2-3 bdrm townhomes at the
following locations:
*Bainbridge Circle
(1190 sq. ft to 1540 sq. ft)
*Brighton Circle
(1200 sq. ft to 1650 sq. ft)
*Adam Avenue (1700 sq. ft)
*Equipped kitchens
*W/D hk-ups
*Window coverings
*Garages w/openers
*Ceramic tile
*Lawn care provided
3 BR, 2 BA, 2 car garage. Gorgeous
home. MUST SEE! Desi rabl e West
Lawrence location. 4832 Tempe St. pets
ok. $1200/mo. Avail Aug 1. 218-8254 or
Town home 3 BR, Lg Master BR, 1 car
garage, fireplace, 1500 sq. ft. 2 living ar-
eas. Lawn mowi ng provi ded. Avai l . i n
May. $825/mo. Call 785-838-3403.
Cute one bedroom spacious studio, hard-
wood floors. Close to downtown and KU.
No pets. Available sublease May 1st and
possible rent August 1st. $400/mo.
Contact 913/302-3157
Avail. June 1st. 3 BR. Walk to KU. Great
location. Newly remodeled inside and out.
4 BDRM Townhouses/Duplexes
2 car garages, large room sizes. Starting
at $1300 a mo. Call 766-6302.
Chase Court Luxury Apartments
1942 Stewart Ave.
1 & 2 BRs, washer/dryer, pool,
24 hr. fitness center, M-F breakfast
4 BR, 2 BA duplexes. Avail. August 1st.
All Appliances incl. W/D. On bus route.
$925/mo. 4th & California. Call 766-9823
1 BR townhome, all amenities, garage,
balcony, fireplace, 854 sq. ft, $580 + util.
mo., NO pets. 913-486-9519.
1 BR for sublease May 12-July 7. Full fur-
niture close to KU and downtown. Close
to KU bus rte., laundry, dishwasher, pool.
$290 uti l i ti es i ncl uded. Cal l Mi ke
2 BR, 2 BA, 5 min. walk to campus, quiet,
no pets, W/D, $824 mo.+ util. Call Erica
(785) 550-5572.
Small 3 BR house avail. June 1st. Rent
$799. DW, central ai r, 14 mo. l ease
550-7492 or 841-1074
Female Roommate wanted for 3 BD apt.
$280 /mo. plus 1/3 util. Lease from 8/05
-7/06. Call for details. (785)-760-0223.
spacious townhome, over 1,100 sq. ft.
$375 mo.+ util. 845-8544 or 913-980-3928.
Summer Sublease 2 BR, 1 BA. Great
cond. Walking distance to campus/Mass
St. $320 each/mo.+ util. 847-309-0227
1 BR for summer starting May 20. 4 BR, 2
BA. $320/mo. Contact 316-640-6784.
CHICAGO1 BR apt. sublet, Lincoln Park
Area, unfurnished, lots of storage,
$1175/mo. Avail. May 1. Call: 842-3868
Save $ on utilities, avail. June or Aug, stu-
dio, 1 BR, close to campus, water and
gas are paid, quiet, mature building. No
smoking/pets. Starting $385/mo 841-3192.
Studio apt on bus route. $390/mo. 508
Wisconsin. Avail Aug 1. Also 2 BR apt.
ONE BLOCK TO KU. By Naismith hall.
1826 Arkansas W/D, CA $650/mo, pets
ok. Avail Aug 1. 218-8254 or 218-3788.
Remodeled! Eastview Apts. 1025 Miss.
Studio, 1 &2 BRs. Avail. Aug. 1. Midwest
Property Mgmt. 841-4935
Best Value! California Apts. 501 Califor-
nia Studios, 1,2, & 3 BRs. From $415.
Avail. Now & Aug.1. 841-4935
Great Summer Housing
3-4 BR, 3 BA, 2 car, W/D hookups, mow-
ing incl. Avail. May 1. through summer
and/or fall. $350-$400/person. No smok-
ing/ pets. Brand new subdivision. 1848
Vi l l o Woods (19th & Del aware).
Quail Creek Apts.
Large Studios, 1, 2, & 3 BRs
Up to $100/ mo. OFF.
Call for specials
PilgrimPage, a local ad agency, is seek-
ing a part-time employee for photo editing/
data entry. Approximately 20 hours per
week. Flexible schedule but must be avail-
abl e duri ng busi ness hours. Appl y at:
Experienced babysitter/parent’s helper.
We are looking for an energetic, fun, re-
sponsible person with lots of initiative to
help busy parents with two active girls,
ages 11 and 13. Work includes helping
parents with driving children to and from
school and other activities, meal prepara-
tion, laundry, and supervising play, home-
work, and chores. Occasional evenings
and weekends.Some extended overnight
stays and out of town family trips. Must be
able to cook, have own car, and be avail-
able weekday afternoons beginning at 3
pm, and during school vacations. Excel-
lent pay for qualified person.
Please call 865-2331.
Lawrence Country Club is now accepting
applications for lifeguards. Apply at 400
Country Club Terrace.
3 BR 2 1/2 BA$820
4 BR 2 BA$920
Unbelievable space for your money.
Taking deposits now.
Sunrise Village 841-8400
660 Gateway Ct.
Eddingham Place Apts.
24th & Naismith
Large 2 BR
Up to $100/ mo. OFF.
Call for specials
Seeking 3 fem. for 3 BR adjacent to KU
Athletic center. Avail. Aug 1 ‘05. Stdnt Oc-
cupied.Seen by appt. only. 785-528-4876
4 BR, 3 BA. All appliances, W/D included.
Cl ose to KU Great condi ti on. On bus
route. June or August. Call 841-3849
3 Br, 2 BA, 2 car garage l uxury town
home. All appliances avail. June 1st. No
pets. $975/mo. Call 766-9823
Lrg 2 BR apt. on 1st flr. of remodeled
home on east edge of campus. W/D, DW,
fridge, stove; upgraded wiring, plumbing;
high efficiency heating and CA; wd flrs; lrg
covered front porch with swing; off-street
parking; no pets/smking. Tom @ 841-8188
Near KU; Studio and 1 BR apts. Rm. or of-
fice apt. in private home. Possible ex-
change for misc. labor. Call 841-6254
Great 7 BR, 5 BA house for Aug. 1536
Tenn. $2400. 550-6414.
Walk to Campus! 1712 Ohio. 3 & 4 BR
Apts. Avai l . Aug. 1. Mi dwest Property
Mgmt. 841-4935
Immediate opening for swim instructor. In-
door heated pool in Lenexa, KS. Looking
for experience in teaching children. Excel-
l ent hourl y rates. Spri ng and summer
hours. Call Terri at 913-469-5554.
PHONE 785.864.4358 FAX 785.864.5261 CLASSIFIEDS@KANSAN. COM
Classifieds Friday, April 1, 2005 the university daily kansan 11A
Sports Sports
Fans should
forgive Roy,
move on
Let me just say, I’ll never be a North Carolina fan.
I throw up in my mouth a little bit every time I see
powder blue and white put together, and when I see
a kid wearing UNC gear around campus, my first
impulse is to punch him in the back of the head. I
rooted for Duke in both of its match-ups with North
Carolina this year. I stood up and cheered every time
Blue Devil senior J.J. Redick hit a three-pointer, even
though I felt dirty and confused about it afterward.
I chucked beer cozies at the TV for every Dickie
V. diatribe about the unparalleled greatness of Roy
Williams and the ’Heels and
Tobacco Road, and at the begin-
ning of this year’s tourney, when I
saw Kansas and North Carolina
both placed in the Syracuse
regional, I fantasized about the
Jayhawks whooping the Tar Heels
in the Elite Eight.
But Bucknell killed those fan-
tasies before they had a chance to
be realized, and North Carolina
kept on winning. Somewhere
amidst all this, I had a revelation: North Carolina, or
more specifically, Roy Williams, deserves a National
Championship, and it’s time to stop hating the Tar
It’s been two years since Roy Williams bolted
back home to North Carolina, leaving a heartbroken
Lawrence and a crushed-like-a-dove Al Bohl in his
wake. Two years since he revealed that he did, in
fact, give a shit about his alma mater after all. That’s
more than enough time to get over the bitterness and
sense of betrayal and remember the 15 years, 418
wins and four Final Fours he gave Kansas, the
achingly close calls, the tearful press conferences,
the daggummits and all the rest.
He took a probationary program and made it
shine with class. He was National Coach of the Year
four times. He won at least 20 games in each of his
last 14 seasons. He’s just too good for his legacy to
be his departure.
And yet, walk around Lawrence and the
University of Kansas campus and you’ll be hard
pressed to find much love for Roy.
“But he lied,” the common argument goes. “In
2000, he said he was staying, but then a couple years
later, he just ups and leaves.”
Jeez, you’d think it was Missouri he ran off to —
not North Carolina, not his home state and his alma
mater and his wife and kids’ alma mater. Sure, he
could turn down his dream job once, but twice? No
way, especially considering the turmoil the program
was experiencing: two consecutive years with no
NCAA Tournament invitation and Matt Doherty
ousted after only three seasons.
Be realistic. And come on, be forgiving.
Kansas junior guard Jeff Hawkins is. “He’s a good,
loyal guy,” Hawkins said of his former coach. “He
did a lot for the University, and fans shouldn’t forget
that. He was faced with a tough decision; fans
should respect that.” Surely if anyone has a right to
still be mad at Williams for leaving, it’s the players he
left. If Hawkins is big enough to root for Roy, fans
should be too.
You know those annoying exes that keep on hat-
ing you like three years after they should have
moved on, the ones that cut you out of photos and
grill all the gifts you gave them into charred stuffed-
animal steaks? Well, I hate to say it, Kansas fans, but
that’s us. Roy dumped us, and it sucked. But it’s time
to get over it, and it time to get over hating the
✦ Bant is a Colorado Springs, Colo., senior in
Perkins named NIT ‘Man of the Year’
University of Kansas athletics
director Lew Perkins was more
than a spectator last night at the
National Invitation
Tournament’s championship
game. He was awarded the
NIT’s Man of the Year award at
Perkins, who was actually
named Man of the Year in
February, said the recognition
came as quite a shock.
He said when the NIT called
he asked, “Why? What did I do?”
“They told me they wanted to
honor me for being a strong
supporter of college basketball,”
Perkins said. “I took it as the
highest compliment I could
receive. It’s something that I will
cherish for a long time.”
Although Perkins did not
expect the honor, Jim Marchiony
said it was no surprise.
“There are
many people in
the field of col-
lege athletics
who know
how much he’s
meant to ath-
letics and col-
lege basketball
speci f i cal l y, ”
s a i d
Ma r c h i o n y,
associate athletics director for
external affairs.
Marchiony said he had
known Perkins for the past 15
years, and he had worked
alongside Perkins for the past
three years. He said Perkins
continually tried to give coaches
what they needed to be success-
ful and considered student-ath-
letes his top priority.
“He’s committed to making
college athletics in general the
best it can be,” Marchiony said.
Previous winners of the
award include former Kansas
athletics director Bob Frederick,
former Oklahoma State coach
Henry Iba and Texas Tech coach
Bob Knight.
In 2000, Perkins received the
inaugural National Athletic
Director of the Year Award, pre-
sented by Street & Smith’s
Sports Business Journal in con-
junction with the National
Association of Collegiate
Director of Athletics. During the
1994-1995 academic year, he
received the “Crystal Award”
from the UConn Club for dedica-
tion and service to the University
of Connecticut Division of
Athletics and the Distinguished
Service Award from the women’s
national championship basket-
ball program.
He also brought NCAA
Division I-A football to the
University of Connecticut in
2000 while serving as the
school’s athletics director.
— Edited by Lori Bettes
Olympic trials lie on horizon
Coach prepares to say goodbye to record-holding swimmer
Kansas swimming coach Clark
Campbell might soon have to part
ways with the woman he calls “one
of the best swimmers in the history
of the University.”
Senior co-captain Amy Gruber
is preparing to swim at the World
Championship trials, also known
as the spring nationals, Tuesday in
Indianapolis. The trials are held in
conjunction with the US
Swimming National
If Gruber swims better than
57.19 seconds in the 100-meter
freestyle, she would make the
Olympic trial standard cut. She
could then use
that qualification
to compete in the
2008 Olympic
The fastest
swimmers in each
event will be a
part of the US
National Team,
Campbell said.
The top six
freestylers at the World
Championships also make the cut,
he said.
So far, Gruber’s best time in the
100-meter freestyle is 57.66 sec-
onds. But Campbell said he has
been telling her to visualize swim-
ming near 56 seconds.
The meet will also feature long-
course meters in an Olympic-style
pool, rather than short-course
yards used in Robinson
Natatorium. Campbell said he was
confident Gruber could build off
solid NCAA meets and continue
“Amy had the best NCAA meet
of her life,” Campbell said. “Amy is
experienced enough to take that
speed and translate it into long-
Gruber said she intended to be
competitive, but would have a dif-
ferent mindset going into Tuesday’s
“I’m looking at it as a complete-
ly different meet,” she said. “The
NCAAs were hard for me because
it was my last college meet. But
I’m going into this meet to have
fun. If I swim well, there’s a larger
possibility that I will continue to
Campbell will accompany
Gruber to the trials next week for
what could be their last meet
together. He said Gruber’s work
ethic and mental toughness singled
her out from other swimmers.
“Most of them are done in May,
but it’s like Amy took the quantum
leap,” he said. “She’s in a whole
different realm right now.”
“She’s on a mission to finish her
career on her terms,” he said.
Gruber is among the top 30
American Division I swimmers.
After a four-year career at the
University of Kansas, she owns
Big-league crowd
Coach Price says Aggie ‘passion for baseball is awesome’
When Kansas opened up the
Big 12 Conference against
Nebraska last weekend in
Hoglund Ballpark, it was in
front of roughly 1,000 fans, and
many of them were donning
Husker apparel.
As Kansas heads to College
Station to take on Texas A&M,
led by veteran coach Mark
Johnson, in a three-game week-
end series, it can plan on play-
ing its second Big 12
Conference opponent of the
year in front of a more Texas-
sized crowd. That crowd does
not faze Kansas coach Ritch
Price in the slightest, he said.
“It’s my favorite place I’ve
ever been to play. The atmos-
phere is absolutely incredible,”
Price said. “There will be 7,000
people there and their passion
for baseball is awesome.”
The Jayhawks prepare to face
the Aggies, who had more than
5,500 fans at their last home
game on Tuesday.
The Aggies (20-9, 2-4),
ranked No. 16 by Baseball
America, sit in the eighth spot
in the Big 12 standings, only
one spot higher than the
Jayhawks (21-10, 1-2). Kansas
lost its series against Nebraska,
while Texas A&M dropped its
conference-opening series to
Texas Tech and Oklahoma.
Although Kansas could not
take the series from No. 8
Nebraska, the team continued
to show strength and improve-
ment on the field and at the
“I think we’re ready to play in
this conference,” junior out-
fielder Matt Baty said. “We’ve
struggled in years past, and I
think this is the year we’ll do
some damage in the Big 12.”
Rylan Howe/KANSAN
Matt Baty, junior second baseman, reaches to tag out Nebraska left fielder Andy Gerch during the second game of the
doubleheader March 26. Kansas traveled to College Station, Texas, for a weekend series against Texas A&M starting at 7
Greg Griesenauer/KANSAN
entertainment friday, april 1, 2005 the university daily kansan 13A
▼ damaged circus
Cameron Monken/KANSAN
▼ monkbert
Doug Lang/KANSAN
▼ gar-playing-field
Solutions to last year’s puzzle
1 A cat goes __
13 Allen __house
19 Jibber-jabber
20 A farmer’s dog
21 What wine is made
out of
22 Backtalk
23 Valentine’s Day treat
24 Mythical creature
25 Continuous
26 Winded
27 Kittens
28 Woodstock
29 Suspense writer
30 Men in charge
36 Win-win, lose-lose
37 Your _ goes to college
38 Ocean
42 Black or white
45 Wedding-cake layer
47 Locater
49 Fast food favorite
50 Caligraphy
51 PC Competitor
52 Small doughnut
53 ^&%(#@&
54 __ Moines, IA
55 Peak
56 Bee’s speciality
58 The climax
59 Negative story charac-
60 Muck ___
62 Farm animal
64 ______
65 Bagel topping
68 Spanish class
69 Boo & Cookie
71 Sportos
72 Winter accessory
73 Hair color
74 Measurement
1 Tonic’s best friend
2 You are my ___
3 Games
4 Medium
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21
22 23 24
25 26 27
28 29 30
32 31 33 34 35 36
37 38 39 40 41
42 43 44 45 46
47 48
49 50 51
52 53 54
64 67 65
60 61 62
56 57 58
5 Clinton and Maher
6 Filler
7 In Black
8 Mimic
9 Monroe
10 Red all over
11 Peter, Peter
12 Stick you lick
13 Foul shot in soccer
21 Dairy twist
22 Backstreet
24 Pigs like __
25 It’s raining
26 Type of literature
28 Kiss me I’m __
30 Dog breed
31 Guys & __
32 The Facebook
33 Place
35 What?
37 Which way?
38 By the skin of our
42 Spider’s dinner
44 Here I come
45 Fake
46 Not true
48 April 1st
50 Not fact
51 Fable
52 Today
53 Fiction
55 Opposite of real
56 Not real
57 Made up
58 False
✦ Aries (March 21-April 19). You are the
wild type. Learning a new drinking
game at a party is the highlight of
your week. In other words, you are
an alcoholic with the IQ of a toaster.
Keep up your screwdrivers every
morning and eventually you’ll start
screwing a toaster.
✦ Taurus (April 20-May 20). You’re good
at planning and styling your hair.
This is all you’re good at though.
People think you’re a waste of space
with hair that’s not even that great.
Your roommate is planning on killing
you in your sleep. Sleep tight.
✦ Gemini (May 21-June 21). You love
the outdoors. Camping, hiking and
fishing are the ultimate experiences
for you. You smell like the farm and
enjoy picking your nose. Welcome
to a lifetime of being alone.
✦ Cancer (June 22-July 22). You are a
deep thinker and keep to yourself.
But people think you are a preten-
tious jackass. You’re the kind of per-
son who would sell your sibling’s
kidney to make a quick buck and,
although the idea of that makes you
laugh, it’s nothing to be proud of.
✦ Leo (July 23-Aug. 22). People say
you are fun and spunky. So, you are
an idiot with no future. You are the
type of person who admires the
house ant, uses fingers to compute
easy addition, and thinks there are
only 27 days in a month. One plus
one equals what again?
✦ Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You are an
organized person and know where
you are going. You are only pre-
tending though. Truthfully, you are
absolutely clueless about life, but
you like to pretend you are better
than everyone else. Welcome to
schizophrenia, poser.
✦ Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22). Your sex
appeal and fabulous flirtatious ability
makes you smile. Simply put, you’re
easy and have low self-esteem. It’s
time to wake up and get off other
people’s beds. It’s time to like your-
self as much as you like sex. By the
way, cut down on the porn.
✦ Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21). You like a
good challenge. You’re the type of
person who tries to eat soup with
chopsticks. While your pointless
adventures may amuse you, they
piss off the people who have to
deal with you. You are likely to be
the only person at your funeral.
✦ Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You
always view the glass half full.
You’re an optimist by heart and that
makes you forever naïve. It’s time to
wake up and face reality because
you have no future and all your
friends secretly hate you. Your pet is
soon to die.
✦ Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You are
an honest person. In other words,
you’re a heartless brat who has no
feelings for others. People always
ask if you are an only child. You’re
the type of person who has no
problem eating in front of a hun-
gry friend. Your significant other is
planning on leaving you this week-
✦ Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Don’t
leave the house tomorrow.
✦ Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20). You are
a very romantic, passionate per-
son. Basically, you stay in every
night watching TV and movies
that give you false hopes that
will never come true for you. Go
out tonight, have fun, cheat and
don’t remember it tomorrow —
you deserve it. Besides, that spe-
cial someone has already cheat-
ed on you.
Doug Lang/KANSAN
▼ cashews
▼ the family monster
Josh Shalek/KRT CAMPUS
Josh Shalek/KRT CAMPUS
Note: The stories on this page offer only inaccurate information from fake sources. Welcome to the world of make-believe.
Sports Sports
The Board of Regents
approved a proposal five to one
to sell the naming rights of
Allen Fieldhouse for $12 mil-
lion to the Laurie Family of
Columbia, Mo. For the second
time, the Lauries have decided
to name a venue after their
daughter Paige. Allen
Fieldhouse will now be called
“Paige’s Fieldhouse.”
“This is a wonderful day that
will hopefully vindicate our
daughter from all the trauma
she has gone through,” Bill
Laurie said at a press confer-
ence in the fieldhouse yester-
day. He added, “Paige, Paige
honey, do you want anything
else? How about a jet, sweet-
The Laurie family originally
named the new arena at the
University of Missouri after their
daughter, Paige Sports Arena.
But when it was discovered she’d
cheated while attending
University of Southern
California, they gave the naming
rights back to Missouri, who
changed the arena to Wal-Mart
Cheater Arena.
The Lauries though were not
too happy with the name
change. So, they decided to
contact other Big 12
Conference universities to see if
they could buy the naming
rights to their arenas. The only
other university to respond was
Baylor, who wanted $15.50 for
the naming rights to their arena.
The Lauries picked that one up
too. Paige has suggested “The
OC Arena.”
“It’s the beginning of a new
era,” Chancellor Robert
Hemenway said. “No longer do
we have to keep living in the
past at KU by naming all these
buildings after old fogies.
Instead we have a new future!
One that is $12 million richer.”
“I guess it’s sort of cool to
have buildings named after
me,” Paige said, while tanning
at the Palm Beach Country
Club. “Though I would have
liked an island better. Where is
KU anyways? St. Louis? Are
they the Wildcats?”
Many students were notice-
ably upset after hearing the
“I don’t care that they
rename the building for cash,”
Lukas Philips, Bumblepatch
senior, said. “But to name it
after a family from Missouri,
that’s unacceptable. Next thing
you know, they’re going to start
recruiting players from prison
like Missouri.”
Hemenway and Bill Laurie
were unphased by the disgust
and anger that their announce-
ment created.
“Mr. Laurie is one of the rich
... I mean, nicest men in the
world,” Hemenway said. “He’s
all right in my book and Paige is
such a nice girl. I’m sure she’ll
never do anything bad again.”
The University of Southern
California had threatened to
take away Paige’s degree once it
was discovered that she’d
cheated and had never actually
attended classes at Southern
California, or been in southern
California. It recanted when
Bill Laurie threatened to buy
the university and turn it into a
— Edited by Nikola Rowe
Family gives daughter
Allen Fieldhouse as gift
Ron Langdon stares blankly
at the shuttlecock in his hand,
wondering what might have
been. The senior and starting
service specialist on KU’s bad-
minton team says he knows
that he let down his school,
fans and family. But more than
anything, he disappointed
“Every little kid playing
badminton in the backyard
dreams of getting the shot we
had,” said a dejected Prashant
Marpathsary, also a senior,
“but sometimes the birdies just
won’t fall where you want
The University of Kansas
suffered a surprising defeat at
the rackets of Clearfield
College, a small school that
two years ago barely had a
badminton club. Now, the
Clearfield Cougars have
secured their school a spot in
the National Collegiate
Badminton Association and
an upset victory to boot.
The ShuttleHawks, as fans
call them, had high hopes
going into this season. Ron
Langdon was a pre-season All-
NCBA First Team selection
and is still a candidate for the
prestigious Nigel Fletcher
award, which is the greatest
individual honor in collegiate
The final set of the final
match of the ’Hawks season
came down to a lob that was
offered up by Clearfield on a set
play gone awry. The team failed
to capitalize, and unfortunately
a splendid day for Ron Langdon
— not so great for his team-
mates — ended with his missing
his trademark overhand
“smasheroo,” which had been
the scourge of opponents all
season long.
Next season looms heavy on
the horizon for the returning
players, some of whom will
have to shake a late-season
scoring drought that eventually
caught up with the
ShuttleHawks. Coach Rick
Malrek is optimistic, though
many fans are disappointed
with the quick loss in his sec-
ond season as the
ShuttleHawks’ coach.
“Losses happen and it’s
rough,” he said, “But we’ll
move on because we’re a bad-
minton team and we’re made
of tough stuff. I have a lot of
good players who will contin-
ue to develop over the com-
ing years. We’re focusing
especially on strength and
endurance training with the
younger guys.”
Sophomore Londino Latrice
uses his own personal journey
to remind him that brighter
days are ahead.
Though he put on one of
the worst performances of
his young career in the sea-
son-ender, he remains opti-
“I came to Kansas from
Guyana because I had a dream
to play badminton in the
States,” the 19-year-old mused.
“I won’t let that dream die.
Rock Chalk ShuttleHawk,
— Edited by Ross Fitch
KU Badminton loses
A medical expert discovered
that former baseball player
Mark McGwire injected
tearoids into his buttock prior
to the steroid congressional
hearing March 25. Tearoids are
a newly developed drug that
enables one to create tears
without any emotional feeling
“I’m not surprised,” former
McGwire teammate Jose
Canseco said. “I think I’m pret-
ty sure that Mark did tearoids
when we were playing for the
When told that tearoids were
created just last month, a con-
fused Canseco responded,
“Well, I know he did steroids.
He did steroids. Believe me. I
saw him do them several, twice,
I mean at least 200 times.”
McGwire allegedly injected
the drugs in an attempt to
receive sympathy from the
American people by balling in
front of Congress. McGwire
continues to vehemently deny
the use of steroids despite the
fact that he is neckless with a
bad case of acne, experiencing
constant mood swings and is
beginning to need a “Bro” to
support his man boobs.
When reached for comment
about his use of tearoids and
steroids by the University
Daily Kansan, McGwire said
he was unwilling to talk about
the past.
“I’ll only talk about the
future,” McGwire said. “I want
to keep this positive. I wish
everyone would just leave me
alone. I didn’t do steroids. I
wish Canseco would just shut
his face. Do I look like I did
— C.J. Moore
McGwire tear juiced
for Congress hearing
University of Kansas Athletic
Director Lew Perkins
announced yesterday that the
official title of the KU-Missouri
rivalry would be altered in
order to avoid what he referred
to as “an overly competitive
sense of competition.”
Perkins noted that the offi-
cial moniker of the rivalry, “The
Border Showdown,” was too
confrontational and might send
the wrong message to impres-
sionable students of both uni-
“I’ve spoken with Missouri’s
AD, Michael Alden, and we both
agreed that the current name did
a disservice to the actual show-
downs that are going on in other
areas of the world,” Perkins said
in his weekly press conference.
“The word ‘showdown’ has such
a powerful meaning to those
who are involved in them, that
we did not want to risk offending
them. Granted no one has com-
plained yet, but there is the
potential that someone may
complain at some point in the
future, so we must be proactive.”
Perkins announced that the
rivalry would be renamed the
“Border Co-existence” in refer-
ence to the fact that both uni-
versities do co-exist. Perkins
said that the new name would
encourage Kansas fans to think
of the University of Missouri as
a neutral entity and not as a
As part of his continuing
efforts to completely emascu-
late the Kansas sports image,
Perkins has also stated that any
shirts, signs or chants that
encourage the University to
succeed at the expense of oth-
ers would also be prohibited.
“I go to sporting events and
see T-shirts that say ‘Muck
Fizzou’ or ‘Go Jayhawks’ and I
worry that we’re sending the
wrong message to our kids.”
Perkins said. “After all, the pur-
pose of collegiate sports isn’t to
beat other teams — it’s to gen-
erate revenue.” Perkins finished
the press conference by stating
that with new corporate spon-
sorship, the official title of the
rivalry would be “ESPN pres-
ents the Cooper Tires Border
Co-existence sponsored by
— Will Lamborn
Border rivalry
renamed ... again
ShuttleHawk seniors’ birdies mauled by Cougars
“Icame to Kansas from Guyana because I
had a dream to play badminton in the States. I
won’t let that dream die. Rock Chalk
ShuttleHawk, baby.”
Londino Latrice
Guyana sophomore
Kansan file photo
Prashant Marpathsary, ShuttleHawk senior, attempts the final volley before blowing it. The KU bad-
minton team ended its season yesterday, losing a shocker to underdog Clearfield College, 63-64. The
ShuttleHawk team touted one of the best senior classes the school had ever seen. The senior class included
Marpathsary, All-NCBA First Team selection Ron Langdon, Dat Phan, Ralph Pinkerton and Chas Wolberry.
When asked what happened on the final play, Marpathsary said, “I just got my shuttlecock blocked. I hate
getting shuttlecock blocked.”
Erin Droste/KANSAN
The Laurie family will cut the the red tape at the renaming ceremo-
ny April 20 at “Paige’s Fiedlhouse.” Paige Laurie has asked that “only
really popular people show up. No nerds.” Laurie also has requested
the hardwood floor of the fieldhouse be repainted pink and blue with
pixies. Phog Allen’s statue began softly weeping.
Note: The stories on this page offer only inaccurate information from fake sources. Welcome to the world of make-believe.