This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
By Jaime Cruz
© 2007 Jaime Cruz firstname.lastname@example.org www.jaimecruz.net
CAST OF CHARACTERS NICK…………………………… The younger son of the deceased. (Early 20s) JEFFERSON…………………… The older son who suffers from IBS. (Mid 20s). MARCIE……………………….. Close friend of the family. (Mid 20s) KELLY………………………… Nick’s Protestant ex-girlfriend. (Early 20s)
SETTING The Living Room of the house the boys grew up in. TIME Present Day. Afternoon.
Come here. Rapping at the door. MARCIE JEFFERSON (CONT’D) JEFFERSON NICK NICK NICK JEFFERSON NICK . He returns the gesture. you know. is more important than mourning for your own mother’s passing? And what is that? Points to stuffed pig. Sits across the way and crosses himself. Jefferson rushes to let her in. a barren place with a few chairs and a coffee table. carries a small package on one hand.1 AT RISE: Nick is wearing black. a framed picture of an older woman resides atop it. JEFFERSON Well pretend! Pray! Ask for forgiveness for all your shenanigans. Nicholas! What? I didn’t even like Mom. a cell phone on the other. Long silence. She opens her arms to embrace. Oh Lord. Jefferson enters zipping up his pants. Token of friendship. JEFFERSON What may I ask. I’m sick of this mourning shit. groans a bit. Marcie enters. holds a stuffed round pig and is textmessaging on his cell-phone. Jefferson. it’s Marcie. Marcie. please come in. apparently in mourning. I can’t do this all day. He’s in the living room.
Nicholas.2 MARCIE You boys are strong and you know I’m here. it’s commendable. like my own mother. Oh good.. MARCIE Gertrude was really. I don’t know many people who would take the time to. dolphin.. that’s a cute little. That’s not ambiguous. how’s your IBS doing? JEFFERSON Wonderful. I tell you what this is. fulfill an old woman’s final commands— MARCIE JEFFERSON NICK MARCIE NICK MARCIE NICK JEFFERSON NICK JEFFERSON . Jefferson. What is? JEFFERSON Just your goodwill. She places the package on the coffee table. you’re too kind. It’s only triggered under high-high stress now. MARCIE Oh. You know. thank you. okay? Thanks Marcie. That’s it. (to Jeff) By the way. Nick. (to Nick) My my. It’s a pig. Is that it? They all stare at the package in her hands. want a hug? Not from you. MARCIE No it’s fine. Your mother’s last wishes.
No it’s fine. NICK Formal chattery is swell guys. Marcie. it’s that damn text messaging. She picks up the pace as she unravels the packaging and triumphantly reveals a BOTTLE OF WATER. What’s your hurry? Have places to be. have to get going here soon— JEFFERSON —Right. you can do it if you really-really want to.TESTY You know. She takes the package and begins to pull it apart. would you do the honors? Sure. not a good time for this. JEFFERSON Unbelievable. you know my schedule better than I do. JEFFERSON JEFFERSON MARCIE JEFFERSON MARCIE NICK NICK JEFFERSON .3 NICK —Let’s get on with it then. Come on. Aquafina. that’s right. Marcie. She continues reluctantly. but it’s also pointless. You take care of it. What’s wrong with technology? Guys I. volunteer work at the Chapel Shelter on Thursday nights. NICK Shouldn’t an actual family member be doing this? Nick. MARCIE My my. MARCIE .
Take it how you will. MARCIE So how—you know. preach lessons about life and the cosmos. I don’t get it. your mother would. I’m stressing—excuse me. focus. This is something else— NICK —Or it’s Mom fucking around from the afterlife. Nicholas. An enigma. it’s kind of like a riddle. What’s there to get? It’s— Bottled water. NICK JEFFERSON . What we need to do is try to think in terms. NICK That may explain why she was so fond of Aquafina. You leave me and my condition alone! Nick pets the stuffed pig. NICK What? She did it all the time. NICK Oh yeah. Marcie stares at the water bottle. Jefferson. MARCIE Sure. and please think this situation over. You’ll have plenty of time in the john.4 NICK That was very anti-climactic. Nick. Jefferson exits to restroom.OS JEFFERSON MARCIE JEFFERSON JEFFERSON MARCIE JEFFERSON .
so I must get into character here…if I were my mother I would…have left my children a bottle of Aquafina to drink in case the faucet water turns to blood. her last gift to her loved ones on earth just may be…Everclear? Nick. MARCIE What is it with you and Aquafina anyway? It’s probably not even water. NICK Then most likely.5 NICK Right. I thought primetime melodrama summed up her character quite nicely.MUMBLE MARCIE . this isn’t recurring primetime TV. Mumbles instructions. maybe in the end she wanted to go out with a bang and let us know what her secret liquor of choice was— Jefferson interrupts as he enters. all of us know drinking was never in her agenda. do you guys think we could pick this up same time next week? I’m afraid I have to press on.. NICK Hey. MARCIE Sorry that’s me…Hello? Yeah. so drop it Nicholas. NICK Funny. Where are you going anyway? JEFFERSON JEFFERSON NICK . JEFFERSON Stop it. this is Mom we’re talking about here. NICK Here’s my argument: she spent her whole life pissed off. JEFFERSON Nick. It was after Dad left her. give me a moment… She exits to the kitchen.. please take this seriously. right? JEFFERSON – OS Sarcasm isn’t going to help us figure it out. I know I’m running late…Boys. What was that? Marcie’s phone vibrates and she picks it up.
JEFFERSON Wait—Kelly the Protestant? The one Mom nearly disowned you for? NICK Jefferson. are you insane? She’s in the kitchen… NICK That’s why I ask. why can’t you be more like Marcie? She’s putting her volunteering aside to be here and you can’t wait to leave. Yeah? And that’s a stuffed pig. we just buried Mom. Aren’t you? I don’t know what you’re talking about. we have to figure out this bottle situation. you’re shitting constantly! JEFFERSON NICK JEFFERSON NICK JEFFERSON . Nick. understand where I’m coming from: I’m tying loose ends. it really gets to me. JEFFERSON You broke up with her. NICK Yeah sorry. that’s why the stress level goes up and thus. you know? Considering Mom didn’t exactly treat her. nice. Please. JEFFERSON Now don’t say that Nicholas. What are you getting at? JEFFERSON Nick. you’re already working on that. there shouldn’t be anything left to tie! NICK I would feel better giving her this token of friendship.6 NICK Kelly’s going to be here in five minutes. You’re crushing on Marcie constantly. I forgot. NICK That’s why Marcie should have been part of this family instead of me. Jefferson—does the thought of Marcie give you the shits? JEFFERSON Nicholas. NICK Don’t lie to me. Because you’re starting to get obvious.
Any ideas? NICK No wait. so I’m not really needed. NICK Lies! You want part of the inheritance money. we have a mystery to solve. Be sure to come back Jefferson. NICK Great. We have our fair share of piggy banks. MARCIE What inheritance money? Your family’s broke. But I’m still looking out for your interests. Is it kicking in again? NICK Yeah. the less time you have to get her in the sack— I hate you so much right now… Jefferson runs off to the restroom. I was on a roll here. because it seems the more time you spend in the water closet. NICK MARCIE MARCIE NICK JEFFERSON – OS MARCIE JEFFERSON . Don’t speak. Marcie enters. we have bigger issues at hand. Please don’t. Now before we do the team work thing.7 JEFFERSON Nicholas. NICK So do I. with a vengeance. Why the interest to figure this out? Your mom was a good friend of mine. tell me: what’s in it for you? He glances over to the water closet. Are you going? MARCIE They already fed the kids. the orphans and bums are fed.
I have a right to be an asshole. Jefferson. and apparently I’m no longer needed here— Nick. it was your Mother who asked me to do this. and two. MARCIE It doesn’t give you the right to defame your own Mother’s memory. NICK You’re absolutely right.8 MARCIE Nick. okay? Nick goes to get his coat. you’re so fond of each other you’ll get married just to get a divorce!—Definitely sounds more important than your mother’s last wishes! JEFFERSON MARCIE MARCIE NICK . this is Mom and her bottle we’re investigating here. Focus. but my Mother just passed. I believe I’ve brought it down to one of these two possibilities then: vodka. You’re the oldest— Here we go— NICK —You’re in charge. JEFFERSON Okay time out people! I know things get hectic when I’m not around to call the shots. what’s up your sleeve? Enough. waiting for my Protestant ex-girlfriend to show so we can try to get back together and hopefully piss off my dear Mom in Catholic heaven. not like I jumped to the occasion. Either way. MARCIE Should we even bother asking your input anymore? NICK Pardon me Marcie. but you can’t act like children anymore. NICK Very well. stop it— NICK —So I’ll be outside. For one. I have to poop constantly so I can’t be keeping track of you. Jefferson rushes in with neutral intent. or tequila. JEFFERSON If you don’t want to be here? Fine! Go and give Kelly the pig.
Smell of winter rain and Catholics. Excuse me. (he shifts a little) Unbelievable— Yes it is. Marcie. watch the language—we’re in mourning! Nick storms out. What battle? Jefferson returns to the water bottle. Marcie snatches the pig. the whole Vatican thing. that’s all. JEFFERSON You know. NICK (CONT’D) NICK JEFFERSON MARCIE MARCIE JEFFERSON MARCIE JEFFERSON . Forgot my pig. A beat later. They simmer in the long silence. like son…You know the one thing I remember from that trip? The smell. I mean my timing. He exits to the restroom. your Mom mentioned the trip few times. Unbelievable how your mind puts away the little things. Both of them just really know how to keep grudges. JEFFERSON Maybe that’s why they couldn’t stand each other. Nick re-enters.9 NICK Like I give a shit about her and her bottle of water! JEFFERSON Nicholas. Unbelievable. give it back. Like Mother. What? Still yesterday’s battle. MARCIE Yeah.
Don’t be. Kills the feelings in the words. but this is the time to make it right. Ha. Just a shot in the dark anyway. She hands him his stuffed pig. Nick’s cell-phone vibrates and he checks it. surprised at Nick’s presence. Help us figure it out.10 MARCIE Nick listen… She’s going to be here soon.. She’s not coming is she? You got it. Hear me out.. At my expense. humor. Didn’t you have a date? NICK Not anymore. MARCIE (CONT’D) I know you have a lot to think about. He takes it. NICK Gotta love texting. I’m starting to catch your luck. JEFFERSON JEFFERSON NICK NICK MARCIE NICK MARCIE MARCIE NICK . Nick sits down. JEFFERSON What if it’s that clear Pepsi they had back in the nineties…Nicholas. Not a good message. Nick. Jefferson. Jefferson enters. Sorry.
Kelly told you to do this.11 NICK So. I’m setting all my commitments aside to tend to the situation. don’t come back until you love Mom. may. what do you want from me? I’m here now. She cancelled didn’t she? Do you want me here or not? Yes we do! For the right reasons. that be? It’s okay to be upset. Okay? I’ve been thinking. perhaps it’s a liquid she holds dear… Nick. what’s in the bottle people? We have a long night ahead of us if we don’t pick up the pace. NICK So let’s do this. you don’t have to do this— —So what. Oh. didn’t she? What’d it say? The message? She said I should be with my family. you know— JEFFERSON NICK MARCIE JEFFERSON NICK MARCIE JEFFERSON MARCIE JEFFERSON NICK JEFFERSON . NICK In other words. NICK Jefferson. JEFFERSON What are you doing? Five seconds ago you were very willing to get the heck out of here and now you’re heading the investigation? What’s going on? NICK Jefferson. Nick. Let’s figure this out. right? It’s not like that.
Jefferson! Fuck.12 NICK —Of course it’s okay. Nick… NICK Now they’re gone…and all we got is this bottle of water. I’m not. she’s getting what she rightfully deserves: All this religious fanatical horseshit she fed us in her lifetime didn’t get anywhere! ‘Cause I still remember. and what pisses me off is that I couldn’t do it! (chuckle) It should have been easy. No. She thought she could make everything okay. I don’t get it! A moment of realization… JEFFERSON Nick…You’re pretty much saying you cared for Mom. NICK I don’t give a shit about Mom! And right now. mend her mistakes and clean the world up with a little bit of Holy Water here and there. who hates me because I broke up her marriage and here’s Kelly who. You just did. I honestly thought Mom dying was going to be the best thing that ever happened to me…You know why I broke up with Kelly? Compatibility issues? You came to your senses? NICK I broke up with her because she made me choose. Probably is Holy Water (realization)— What are you thinking? —Did you say Holy Water? Holy Water—what about Holy Water? Do you think? MARCIE JEFFERSON MARCIE JEFFERSON JEFFERSON MARCIE NICK JEFFERSON MARCIE . loves me. okay: here’s my Mother. Everyday. you remember that? Every fucking day. should have been able to say.
That’s all. JEFFERSON Nick. It’s Holy Water. I felt pretty good about the Pepsi Clear theory. MARCIE Now back up. it’s Holy Water. It’s Holy Water. NICK Way to be a hypocrite one last time Mom. there’s got to be more than meets the eye on this one. if we already know what she meant? But what did she mean? NICK She didn’t mean anything. Of course! She left Holy Water! It makes perfect sense. JEFFERSON She always had a moral though. like when she made us cross ourselves with the Holy Water every night? Made you what? MARCIE MARCIE NICK MARCIE JEFFERSON NICK MARCIE .13 NICK The bottle? JEFFERSON Hey. JEFFERSON That I remember. Her trademark prop. we all know she was fond of it. NICK That’s it. carried it everywhere she went… In water bottles. Jefferson. She thought it made her look more like a devout servant of God. Unbelievable. So what’s she trying to rephrase.
our mother reminds us to cross ourselves with Holy Water at night. is there really anything else it could be? Touché. they funnel to the top. JEFFERSON So it’s easy. NICK That’s assuming if that’s Holy Water at all. Holy Water it is. they used to be the nuclear missiles when we played war… Jefferson waves the water bottle in the air like a missile. makes noises. MARCIE Nick. How do you know? NICK Aquafina bottles have this goofy shape. Some mothers remind their kids to brush their teeth. She wants to open it. so be careful. never again please.14 NICK She thought it was a nice way to rid us of the day’s worth of wickedness. subtle. so pretty much replacing showers with baptism. The label’s been torn off. Do you boys mind if I— NICK We still haven’t dismissed the nuclear waste fluid possibility. knowing your mother. Jefferson. She swipes the bottle from Jefferson. MARCIE NICK MARCIE NICK MARCIE NICK MARCIE . You can still tell it’s an Aquafina bottle. Give me that. It was a cleansing process. JEFFERSON Oh yeah. The bottles.
if that’s okay. Duty calls. she volunteers. (to Jefferson) I’m sorry.15 JEFFERSON Nicholas. JEFFERSON I’ll be right back to pick up where we left off. JEFFERSON Yes. nuclear waste fluid in that water bottle would be highly improbable. Marcie’s cell-phone vibrates. Marcie? JEFFERSON Nick. Jefferson. But I’ll try to get back as soon as I can. Right. I’ll be right over. Shuts the phone. Weren’t we going to open it? NICK JEFFERSON MARCIE NICK JEFFERSON JEFFERSON . Do you need a ride? MARCIE It’s just a few blocks and besides. That’s all you need to know. MARCIE If I recall. Marcie sets down the bottle. NICK Yeah. Is everything all right? MARCIE I have to go. that’s perfectly fine with me. I’m in the middle of something—What? Give me a moment. We were making such progress. She answers and moves aside. was it you who thought it was the Clear Pepsi from the nineties? You got me there. What exactly do you do there. it be better if you stay here. MARCIE Hello? Listen. Jefferson ever so attentive to her. Marcie.
Questions that are not going to bother me anymore. For educational purposes even. Nick takes out his cell phone as if to text message. thank you. make Mom proud. asking myself lots of questions. NICK (CON’D) Holy Water.OS JEFFERSON JEFFERSON . I had a great time at the shelter. Wants to play along. I have a phone call to make… MARCIE . (to Marcie) Ready Marcie? MARCIE Yes. He begins to lift it into the air and pretends the bottle is a war missile like in his youth. It’s okay. Nicholas. No. He picks it up and chuckles. Mom would appreciate me giving Marcie a ride. Cool it. Or maybe you should have taken me with you to the Vatican. I don’t get it. Coach. Marcie and Jefferson exit. NICK Goddammit Mom. Ma. Maybe I should have paid attention in one of my many. Your brother is so encouraging… Don’t go anywhere. Stares at his mother’s picture. Nick is alone. Now if you don’t mind. NICK You got it. Halvorson.16 JEFFERSON When I get back. he stares at the water bottle. So take a break for a moment. I’ll be here when you get back… Okay. Sets it down. Shuts it. but obnoxiously.. I highly doubt an overseas trip would have been more fun than staying. Do what you must Jefferson. After a moment. And you be sure not to shit yourself under stress. For an instant. Mom. and I will prove it right now by moving on. I hate you.. Garcia. I’m not going to lie to you.OS JEFFERSON . Elizabeth. NICK Right. religious studies courses. Nick catches on to Jefferson’s motives. (stares at picture) Gertrude Elaine.
And so. I really wish we could have talked in person today.” And right then and there I look at her and say. you actually talked to her? This is too much. That’s never been true. her car’s parked right in front of us! Turns out she didn’t even need a ride.OS Okay. so get this: Marcie and I are leaving the house. I’m here in the living room. Nick finds the stuffed pig once more. And I miss you. Kelly. “Hey…I can still give you a lift. Tell me what’s up? JEFFERSON . Answering machine picks up. hang on… Jefferson escapes to the restroom once more. good-bye. and as soon as we get out the door we realize. but anyway. NICK You can shit and talk at the same time. Sets the picture frame down. and so we giggled for a little while and then she says “Well. I just. something amazing happened! Let me guess. right? Jefferson returns. legacy in. His mother’s eyes make him uncomfortable. NICK (CONT’D) Uh. I guess I’ll be going. And I’m an idiot for ever giving you that idea. and it’s been on my mind a while: I don’t want you to think the reason I was with you in the first place was to spite my Mother. Nick hangs up instantly. and lets it ring. I have a feeling you really don’t want to do that. wanted to let you know I’m home.” Very smooth… I know. I wanted to tell you in person that—well.17 He dials a number. —Nick. It’s Nick. Maybe in another place— Jefferson storms in. I guess I’ll say it since I don’t think I’ll be seeing you anytime soon. mid-thought… JEFFERSON NICK JEFFERSON NICK JEFFERSON . you know. NICK (CONT’D) Hey you. staring at this picture of my mother and the receptacle she delivered her.
Nick smells it. I’m sexy. JEFFERSON And plus. so you’re in no trouble. take this token of love and give it to her. that she said yes! So I ended up taking her anyway and even though the ride wasn’t exactly drawn out. Man. Scratch that idea. What makes you say that? My gut. she… Smiled at me. Nick holds out the pig in his hands. NICK She’s not coming to claim it. NICK JEFFERSON NICK JEFFERSON NICK JEFFERSON NICK JEFFERSON NICK .18 JEFFERSON (CONT’D) But the incredible thing was. sounds like she may be into you. Jefferson. By God. Man. Caresses the bottle cap. JEFFERSON Why would I give Marcie that? It smells like feet. I don’t think Kelly would appreciate me giving her stuffed pig away. NICK Here. it does. Damn it. Your fly. Jefferson zips himself up. Nick sets the pig aside and reaches for the bottle. Totally wooed her just now.
NICK Well it’s not tequila. Well what’s the smell telling you?! JEFFERSON It’s telling me it’s the Vatican! We got it. it’s the Vatican! But the Vat—are you sure? JEFFERSON Nick. that smell speaks louder than words. puts his nose close to it. Smells weird though.19 JEFFERSON What are you doing? He opens the bottle. Nick. Oh my God… Jefferson crosses himself. Smells it. or so we think. Jefferson gasps a little. Immediately makes sense. Give it here! Jefferson takes the bottle. What is it? I know what it is! The smell? It’s winter rain…and Catholics. Nick! NICK Now wait: we have here a bottle of Holy Water. What? It’s the Vatican. NICK NICK JEFFERSON NICK JEFFERSON NICK JEFFERSON NICK JEFFERSON (CONT’D) JEFFERSON .
JEFFERSON I. JEFFERSON Isn’t Holy Water from the Vatican relevant enough? You guys came back early. the reason this Holy Water is important is because it’s from the Vatican? And that’s…important to our future as a family? That sounded fairly coherent. though. didn’t you? I believe so. NICK Now could it be. I was looking at something. we still had like five days. NICK Did anything happen that wasn’t supposed to. This was twelve years ago. Nick. we were escorted out! NICK NICK NICK NICK JEFFERSON NICK JEFFERSON . NICK There’s got to be something more. (realization) No.20 JEFFERSON Yes. ‘cause she didn’t say much when she got back. the guards helped her find her way back and we left— And that’s it— JEFFERSON —We were escorted out. yeah. Dead Popes. Why? JEFFERSON I can’t remember. I remember that. And Mom got lost. maybe? And then? JEFFERSON Before I knew it. She walked right through one of those restricted areas. Did you go with her? JEFFERSON No.
this is Mom. To get it. She must have done something. Not close enough to sneak in. you know. JEFFERSON JEFFERSON NICK JEFFERSON . NICK How do you know that? Mom could have done it. JEFFERSON But Mom wouldn’t do that. What? JEFFERSON Yeah.21 NICK I knew it! She must have broken into one of those extra-Holy places. Why did she become a radical Catholic to begin with: Because she made a big mistake and wanted to start over? Maybe. why not the Vatican guards as well? JEFFERSON It doesn’t matter! Doesn’t matter where the holy Water came from then. It’d be impossible! NICK She could have done it. But she always acted on impulse and that’s been known to get her into difficult situations. but we were in the vicinity. She wasn’t always a moralist. Sure explains my existence. JEFFERSON But what could she possibly be proving by stealing Holy Water from the Holy Father? NICK Jefferson. it’s the fact she— NICK The fact that she went through the trouble. Holy Water for her kids. NICK It’s also not like her to be escorted out the Vatican by security. The tour took us nearby. It’s not like her. So she stole the Holy Water? NICK I bet you she stole it from the Pope’s bedroom itself! JEFFERSON Call it wishful thinking. though.
NICK I always thought that was the grossest thing. Marcie! Yes! We’ve got it! You need to be here right now so we can fill you in! I tell you what. Now what to do with it? JEFFERSON That’s the easy part. you really are. the intelligent and caring. Bye-bye. Okay. Now if you’ll excuse me before my perfect timing becomes quite imperfect… Jefferson escapes to the toilet. and they return to their seats. They embrace momentarily. give me…five seconds…Who cares if it’s just a few blocks! God. We do what she had us do every night. That is awesome. NICK (CONT’D) And so in our grasp we have a bottle of Holy Water stolen from the Pope’s Extra-extra Holy Chamber. can I ask you something? Honestly. Nick chuckles and Jefferson follows. JEFFERSON Nicholas. Chuckles turn into laughter. digs me? NICK Honestly. you’re wonderful. They allow the silence a sigh or two. We are definitely celebrating tonight! They rush out together. Nick. we have to get Marcie…Nick. NICK Jefferson Airplane Halvorson: You said shit. I think you may be what she’s getting out of this whole deal.22 NICK This is for us. The love eventually subsides. JEFFERSON Wow. A moment passes. I’ll pick you up. JEFFERSON . Replace showers with baptism? JEFFERSON Start over. JEFFERSON I did didn’t I? Now let’s go. Jefferson’s phone is heard ringing OS. Be right there.OS Hello? Oh. NICK . Do you think Marcie. I must be frank: That was the best shit I’ve had in a long time.
Suddenly. She gives the bottle a petty glance. You just sounded like. opens it and takes a massive swig. Nick. She picks up her cell-phone and dials. must have electrolytes. searching. She finishes off most of it and sets it back. MARCIE You are ridiculous. She reaches for the bottle. Carries unease. Rings. Mom just died. is that you? Is everything all right? … I just got your message… Are you okay?! (relief seeps in) Oh my God. Maybe some other time.OS NICK . Right. you were going to do yourself off or something not. KELLY Nick! Nick! Are you here? Are you okay? I got here as fast as I could— She moves about the place. you nearly killed me! Thank God. She tastes the odd flavor. then waits while staring at Gertrude. Minds her own business quietly. Kelly now sits comfortably.OS . so I ran over here. A brief moment. well…Okay. Jefferson and Marcie enter in high spirits. Last time I use one of my good deeds on you. (chuckles) Yeah. A few minutes? Okay. then. KELLY (CONT’D) Nick. I could have walked three blocks. Kelly’s distressed voice resonates. Mmph. Then eyes the bottle once more… The heat has caught up with her and she is parched. Nick? Jefferson? She sits down helplessly. She fans herself with her hands as the sweat from the run gets the best of her. smart. KELLY (CONT’D) KELLY (CONT’D) JEFFERSON . I was worried to begin with and then the message. I’ll be here. A Beat. JEFFERSON Okay then. Enters. Bye.23 Jefferson.
What water—what? Your bottled water? Right there. KELLY I hope you don’t mind. Nick is smiling. Jefferson. would you like some coffee? MARCIE I certainly would. I ran so hard to get here. Nick. as do we. you’re okay. giggling. nearly sick to his stomach. Your Mother’s what? KELLY – SHOCKED KELLY NICK NICK KELLY NICK NICK KELLY . Hey. Man. She stands to welcome everyone.24 NICK Kelly. JEFFERSON We’ll be next door. KELLY Is it not yours? It’s Jefferson’s isn’t it? Will he be mad? No. If you’ll excuse us. he’ll be shitting a lot. you just drank my dead Mother’s Holy Water. right? Marcie and Jefferson exit to the kitchen. Oh. Marcie. JEFFERSON Hello Kelly. NICK Kelly. I assume you two have matters to discuss. I had some of your water. Now this is highly climactic. That should be private enough.
He stares at her wondering where to begin. KELLY . so have a seat. Okay. NICK Just let me preface everything by saying. Kelly: I got you this stuffed pig that smells like feet for some reason. They both sit down slowly. you’re a self-baptized Catholic. and I love you. LIGHTS OUT.25 NICK Long story that requires me to start at the beginning.
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