“Could things get any worse? ” I’d mutter to myself.

For some reason I guess mother na ture decided it would be a great moment to piss all over me because a burst of s howers came pouring down while the sun was still shining. Things have more or less been coming to a conduit for some time now and I found myself waging war against something I had built up in my own head. The Queen of Hearts has been an opponent for far too long. The prospects of us reconciling wi ll never happen because she acts as a warped alter ego and in time I have grown to accept this. I found myself humming to her “There is no fucking you there is on ly me” – Nine inch nails for some reason I had Willow on an extendible leash and I w as just jumping in puddles. I’m standing on the edge of something I have experienced once before but at a very young age, the point where you feel completely lost but at peace by it all. I u sed to have this fear of being alone because I felt dead, this yearning for norm alcy but the truth of the matter is – to live a normal life would be completely an d utterly upsurd, I don’t think it would silence the boredom or quench my thirst f or something new. Keeping steady I found myself sinking, sinking deeper and deeper into something that seems like a steep cliff fall, it’s myself. Yes, I feel like an empty shell, I’m learning to shed all colours and clothes to find something a little more deep rooted. Usually ive ventured into love looking for a wonderful ending with bursts of con fetti. – Let me tell you its been a waste of fucking time, although there has alwa ys been an immeasurable amount of fun that came along with the shit times that n aturally ensue. As far as sex goes ive experienced some of the most intense karma sutric sex eve r, to the point where I felt like by body was going to self-combust. You know, t he type of sex where you find yourself panting and screaming out the most insane profanities ever, the point where you can feel the other persons sweat tricklin g down your skin. Or the point where you end up being man handled like a frisky kinky sex kitten that ends up being spanked to death or just thrown around and t ied to door jams. It’s when you can feel a pulse within you, when its better than being royally fucked, that natural high that leaves you pretty much bed bound fo r an hour after the aftermath but still kinda happy to be here. – It’s always been r ather temporary and never really long lasting, still something learn from. I’ll be frank, we have all gone through and trudged and sifted through shit in our time, I for one spent a ridiculous of time trying to play house and construct t he most ideal of relationships to watch it tumble down like a log of a tree a ho t lumber jack called Dan has spent the past few hours trying to pummel down with his axe in the middle of the forest. Truth of the matter is, love in a sentence is conventionalized, the ideals behind it are just horrendously unrealistic. I mean look at pretty woman in the end she finds a relationship but for all we kno w he could have died of AIDS or caught an STD a month after happily ever after. I have come to a weird realization though; maybe being alone is a good thing. I mean you hear all these grand stories and tales about the lovely girl who finds a wonderful prince charming and it makes me wonder…..What about the others that ar en’t so lovely and well made? I mean what if we’re a breed that old testaments and s criptures had purposely left out? What happens exactly? I can openly admit that ive always looked for validation in the wrong places, wh ich could be the reasons why my love ventures have been pretty shit, but im a re alist, I think the days of idealism have swirled down the plug hole for now, or ended up like marbles that have gone down a sewer drain. How can you allow yours elf to be another’s if you cant be your own?

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful