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experience, and accounts of other people. So if it seems like Im making assumptions about what you experienced or will experience ,its just how I write.
What has happened since my last blog? Well since accepting that the brain buys into the belief of self, or to put it more simply, sometimes gets caught up in thoughts, I stopped being disappointed during my bouts of "self". I even began to enjoy them as just another thing happening in the brain.
I began to thoroughly monitor my mood, I marked how I felt out of 10 in phone about 2/3 times a day, sometimes I was lazy and would forget , but for the most part Id remember. I also marked beside each log, how deep in liberation/no self I felt. Ill post up the official results in my next blog. I found that the 2 from time to time were very unrelated. Sometimes they went hand in hand, but other times not. This gave me a sense of freedom. Something really obvious and unprofound, if Im in a bad mood , do something about it, its nothing to do with no self. This was hugely important, for the first time , when I wasnt deep, I could be in a fantastic mood, and not care. For two reasons, the acceptance that this brain believed in a self from time to time, and the acceptance that liberation cant be relied on for a good mood. Conventional life must help that one. Exercise, eat well, get active, get busy, meet people.
And now?? Well the self, has very little meaning anymore, to the point that it is difficult to describe to people what there is none of. When people ask online, "What do you mean by the self?" I get stuck. I dont even know anymore. Im beginning to forget what it ever felt like originally, sometimes when Im not too deep in it, I think "Was this it?", but no , to sum up what it felt like was, in the past when I thought about my "self" I beleived it. I dont now.
2 States So Im now finding that there is 2 states, fuzzy and deep, well, its alot more complex than that , but for simplicity Im going to break it down to 2. And to make it nice and easy to read, im going to list the experiences that go with it. The names of these states are related directly to how thoughts affect the mind. I was originally going to call it something like "self on" and "self off", but there is no self, its got nothing to do with a self, its just how fuzzy and overwhelming do thoughts become? Or how clear and deep you feel?
This has sort of been covered already. You are trying to experience it. . . even if very very subtle. even if only for a tiny amount of time. it just takes a little longer. This isnt necessarily bad. This feeling of self image doesnt have to make you feel bad at all.Believing the "I" thought. but when specifically thinking of thoughts about the self.Not being sure if you are in a deep state or not. Im not talking about hygiene or clothes. I experience when in this state. it can take a bit longer to realize the I is pointing to nothing. when in the fuzzy state. Basically like the first point. this for me. as a result my motivation took a bit of hammering. theres the world. caring about a self image. Before you know it you've created a whole nonsense world.A thought can jump to another thought. Being liberated allows you to recognize this. getting caught up in the daydream where I imagine myself more succesful at what Im doing in the future. cars moving. grass. . . . This is something that died when I became liberated. they are believed for that few minutes more than when clear and deep. you get insulted/paranoid/worried again .Central feeling. people walking. it sometimes can get me motivated. One of the little bonuses of liberation is that everything looks fantastic. these can sometimes be negative and grow and manifest on each other. and straight to another thought. . . or when someone says something that would have personally offended you in the past. you're trying to convince yourself your in the "good" state. basically your "old" feeling.Self Image. Im more talking about caring a little more about wanting to be a "type" of person.Being personally offended . can be often a good thing.A sense of confusion about what liberation is. if only for a second. But when I get caught up in thinking ahead. . Its almost like moving to HD.Fuzzy: . . Well.Forcing yourself to appreciate the world around you. Tiny example "I want people to know that I like this kind of music and that music is part of my 'image' ".Thinking ahead alot more. if only for a short time. trees blowing. then theres you completely seperate from that. when you hear something thats directed at you. or when real deep. this is forced. its not coming naturally.
. sometimes fully blank. I have no idea what triggers the fuzzy state. not even popping up. not necessarily good or bad.The "I" thoughts not being believed at all. naturally observing how good everything actually looks.Nearly fearless.Sometimes feeling strangely emotional. the fuzzy state is fine. almost as if the head has no density (inexplicable really). just the word "I" pointing to an infinite endless nothing. inhibiting activity in the brain very limited. . just accept your in it and you will be ok. .Buying into concepts in the world around you.A very limited. . distinction between the body and the rest of the world.. I dont mind this one to be honest.Being absolutely sure you are in a deep state. you could find really interesting.A completely clear peaceful mind. It allows me to enjoy the world and all its nonsense and be on the same level as everyone else. I may edit it if I do. and if really deep. . but still present. no thought. but you are fuzzy when you completely forget they are only concepts. even you are fully aware you are still right where you are. I cant think of much more right now.Getting caught up naturally in simply looking at the world around you. this is the reason why we want people to be liberated. I also realize I have made it seem far more negative than it is. I cant really explain that one! . . Deep: This is the fun one. but its a sort of subtle feeling of endlessness or lack of centralness. just different. they dont have to be bad. Im not going to go shouting "oneness" or "I am everything". .
Liberating others: However . nothing solid.Being confident with the word liberation. This can be unpleasant sometimes. struggling to think of the past or future. it can be just genuinely funny.) . But that said.Motivation slowed down a bit . Being in a fantastic mood as a result.A sense that you are actually brushing this off other people around you (complete nonsense really.Not confused about liberation.Feelings that everything is nonsense. I have tried. because there is a genuine feeling of freedom from thought. even if a comment is made towards me doesnt even register as it being about "me". a certain feeling of serotonin being released. .. To sum up. while deep. and more and more towards thought on its own and what it does. like a warm tingling feeling in the brain. and when you do .Pure natural concentration on whats happening right now. Even people suffering. Ive even responded to people in self . and a bit overpowering. it only been seen as thought and nonsensical. when it comes to liberating others I must stick to no self. . they just dont care. So when you watch the news or listen to a discussion. seeing all concepts in the world as just concepts.Sometimes. I find Im moving more and more away from thinking about the "self". But Im finding it incredibly frustrating getting through to people about this no self thing. it just doesnt seem to click for most people.and not as caught up in wanting more and more answers. . not as something more real (I believe this is often referred to as the present moment) . when you're feeling good. just a classic example of ignorance with regards to what you think is going on in someone elses head. you notice they are all only referring to ideas.Being completely unoffended or self conscious of anything. .
If you have their attention then you could bring up the lack of self. I even point out of the basic neuroscience info to do with it. But nope. we'll see. I stay open to the fact that alot of people mightnt have an interest in what Im saying. I try and explain it as casually as possible. they dont care. I dont mention words like liberation/enlightenment. So maybe pushing people on the fact that they believe thought might be a way to progress when trying to eliminate suffering in others.help/personal issues kind of forums and I get blanked. . they dont want to hear it.
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