Emotional Pain – To Heal It You Need to Acknowledge It

Acknowledging emotional pain may seem like an obvious step in the healing process that everyone is already doing. If you’re in pain, you already know it, right? Not always. Many of us have a surprising amount of emotional trauma in our energy field that lies below our conscious awareness. In some cases we might be aware of some of the symptoms of an energetic wound within us, but we are unconscious of its deeper CAUSE – a core place of constriction where Life Force is blocked. The effects of this blockage can range from uncomfortable feelings of mild emotional pain at one end of the spectrum to severely debilitating physical and/or mental dis-ease at the more serious end of the spectrum. It is common for us to become practiced at denial of emotional pain in order to function in our lives. Unconsciously we have learned how to keep the pain at bay so we can “do” our daily lives with some kind of balance. Often, the energetic imbalance within us actually causes us to create more imbalance as an attempt to gain equilibrium. And our only awareness of this might be a sense of feeling “off” or living our lives with limited inner resources, constantly looking for something outside ourselves to “fix” us. In order to heal emotional pain, we need to invite it up into our conscious awareness. We need to care enough about ourselves to spend time with ourselves, looking within and truly BEING with ourselves. Doing this we find an infinite Source of emotional support and wellbeing that is always available to us from within. Shame Is At the Core Of All Wounds Emotional pain is a gateway into an energy wound. So-called “negative” emotions are flags to let us know when something needs to be healed and/or released from within. Our feelings give us our most direct access into the center of an energy constriction. Zeroing in on our feelings help us consciously get right to the core, the root cause of all pains/wounds – physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or psychic. At the core of all wounds is a thought / belief that we are not good enough, that we are bad, that we’ve done something wrong. This thought seed usually gets planted in us as children when our energy fields are wide open and we are scolded for doing something or being a certain way. This generally comes about from innocently rocking the boat of a caregiver and unconsciously triggering their unhealed wounds, which then gets projected out onto us. (See “The Superego – Breaking Free of a False God”.)

Most of us were conditioned to believe that it isn’t okay to feel our feelings, especially the really strong emotions that threatened our caregivers’ world when we expressed them. So, sometimes unconsciously and with good intentions, they did whatever they could to influence us to bury the feelings.

Then, as young children we carried this belief seed of “not good enough / bad / did something wrong” and usually another reprimanding “event” occurred that caused the belief seed to take root and grow.

Each time we were reprimanded and made wrong for being who we were, the “I am bad” thought was rethought and eventually became a belief.

The Core Wound In Emotional Pain Becomes Unconscious
As we moved through childhood, adolescence and into adulthood, a self-preservation component of our psyche pushed this debilitating belief down into the subconscious. This part of us was driven by the instinct to do whatever we could to survive as best we could under challenging circumstances, including turning away from the emotional pain and denying – even to ourselves – that it existed. Unfortunately, even though the “I am bad” belief may now be unconscious, the energy of it still operates in our lives, sabotaging our self-empowerment, fulfillment, joy and wellbeing.

Some of us have had the experience of feeling emotionally “frozen” or cut off from our feelings. We know we feel SOMETHING but the feelings themselves are murky and indefinable. Again, this is the act of a part of us that tries to take care of us in the only way it knows how – to “freeze” up the emotions in order to protect us from the intolerable emotional pain of the shame and powerlessness we feel when we think we are “bad” at the core. In the whole spectrum of human emotions, this is the feeling that is absolutely the most painful. Consequently, as we go about our lives, we may be aware of a vague feeling in the background that ranges anywhere from uncomfortable to intolerable emotional pain and suffering, without even having a word to describe or define it. In this case, it takes practice to allow ourselves to actually feel what is really going on inside – to give PERMISSION to ourselves to feel it.

The Core Belief Needs To Be Seen As False
The essential realization that we all eventually come to in our healing is that the core belief of being inherently bad and having done something wrong is COMPLETELY untrue. Here is the truth: You’ve never been bad. Neither has anyone else. We all carry all the attributes of pure divinity of Source itself! In our essence we are the highest vibration of light and love.

Likewise, you’ve never done anything wrong. Neither has anyone else. Everything that anyone has ever done has always been an attempt to take care of themselves with whatever inner resources they had at the time.

This might be hard to take in because we are conditioned to make ourselves and each other wrong. To heal, we must learn to see ourselves and each other from the eyes of Source.

And how does Source see us? With unlimited, unconditional love. It sees us as sparks of Itself who have come to this plane to go through experiences, make mistakes and learn from them. In each experience we have the choice to let go into love and learn to trust it or to contract and cause ourselves misery. Depending on how we “do” in each circumstance, we create the next set of circumstances. ALL of it is part of the larger curriculum of our Evolution – to awaken to our Divinity.And there is no judgment in any of it. There is only learning and love, learning and love… Retracing Our Steps And Bringing Truth To The Untruth Emotional wounds are the energetic cause of all other wounds and dis-eases. To heal ANY wound, we need to retrace our steps back into ourselves. We need to become CONSCIOUS of the belief that we are “bad” that is running the whole show of suffering, and the immense shame and feelings of powerlessness that result from that false belief. It is very important to not make ourselves wrong for having this “bad” belief, which only adds another layer of shame. The more you check this out, you’ll see the subtle ways this belief can show itself. It can even try to co-opt the healing process by making you wrong or bad for not healing fast enough! Or not doing it the right way, etc. Once we acknowledge and are conscious of emotional pain, the next step is to call in love from Source. We can also use self-inquiry (See questions below) to ask to be shown the truth so we can see for ourselves that we are inherently good. As we become conscious and aware of the falseness of the belief we've held about being "bad," we start to see and EXPERIENCE – for the very first time! – the truth of our goodness. At this point, emotional pain begins to unwind organically, automatically. When we experience the reality of our goodness, a change in consciousness happens and miracles of healing occur. We see that the core belief of being “bad” was just a misunderstanding that grew out of an untrue thought that we believed as a result of the things that happened to us.“…and then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”Anais Nin Emerging Into A Larger Energy Field As the untruth is met by the truth consciously within you, your energy field begins to vibrate at a higher frequency of love and wellbeing. You extend out and beyond the vibration of the old emotional pain. This is very much like the metaphor of “thinking outside the box.” If you think of the problem as being contained within a box, you can’t solve the problem by only looking within the box. You need to expand out beyond the box of the problem to find the solution.In the same way, we need to expand out beyond the limited energy field of our wounds in order to lift our vibrations to a higher field and heal the emotional trauma.

” Rilke. of Higher Power.The only way to do this is to consciously call in and align ourselves with a larger. Live the questions now. purer frequencies of energy. then consciously bringing a higher energy to the wound – the truth of unconditional love.” How Can We Learn To Feel What We Really Feel? First of all. God. a broadening and deepening of awareness. Perhaps. compassion and forgiveness to the untruth of being separate and “bad. you will gradually. or even be able to feel it yet in order to access it. and shine a light into the corners of your being that have been shielded by denial. Until we become conscious of the wound. Without Conscious Acknowledgment Of Emotional Pain Only Symptoms Are Treated To recap. . This can immensely shorten the grief process that is sometimes involved in healing emotional pain. someday. the first step for healing emotional pain is awareness. When you become aware that you feel “off” emotionally. The old wounds and emotional pain are out of sync with this higher vibration of energy and fall away. from Letters To A Young Poet When You’ve Had Enough It takes courage to turn inward and get investigatively honest about what you are really feeling and acknowledge your emotional pain.” Then the natural outcome is a change in consciousness.). without even noticing it. live your way into the answer. I greet you with love and understanding. higher vibration of energy – Source. Just call on love. Love. You don’t’ need to know what love is or where it comes from. but until we acknowledge the core emotional trauma. we can use all kinds of healing practices that can help us get relief from the symptoms of the emotional pain. and the wound organically begins to release by itself. I acknowledge and celebrate your courage – the part of you that has said “Enough suffering. tuning us into higher. If you have found yourself here and are reading this. Take some quiet. Usually this doesn’t happen to us until we finally decide we’ve suffered enough. Love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Higher Power (Insert the word you know It by. If you’re not able to feel that yet. then you are at that point – the threshold into healing. I’m ready to heal now. that’s okay. Invite love to join you in your emotional pain healing. The point is. allow yourself time and space to investigate your feelings. The core seed of the emotional pain needs to be gently exposed with loving compassion. call in the larger energy field of your Source. undistracted time to open your awareness to this part of yourself. This acts like a vibrational tuning fork. to live everything. “Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart. and then touched by the realization of the truth that we are good and have always been good. the symptoms will spring up again. THEN the wound is totally released – roots and all – from our energy field. All you need to do is to sincerely call on it and it will be here for you.

Your words. Ask for an uninterrupted span of their attention where you can explore your answers to these questions aloud. Asking inner questions focuses your attention on the answers and calls forth the corresponding material up and out of the unconscious. whether aloud or silent. Ask yourself questions. Your willingness to do this consistently will gently open your consciousness to aspects of yourself you’ve never been aware of before. You can “trade” time and reverse roles with them on another occasion. Remember to first ask Source for a cushion of love and courage to face areas that have been protected by denial. it is important that you choose someone who will not judge you in any way. focus and align your energy in specific directions. Below are some examples of questions that are helpful to ask. experiment and find just the right words that are effective for you in investigating your emotional pain. “O *Love+. You can use them if they feel right for you. pick just one question and carry it with you as your companion for a day.” Mother Theresa Be patient with this process of becoming aware of your feelings. Take one question at a time and let the energy of the question sink in and do its work in helping you become aware of emotional pain. with them simply listening.Use the power of your words. I pray that you break my heart so wide open that the whole world falls in. What am I feeling? Why am I angry / upset / sad? Why am I feeling the need to defend myself? What am I afraid of? What do I feel guilty about? What part of me most needs my compassion. It might also be helpful to write out the answers to these questions. love and attention right now? Why have I denied what I feel? What have I not been willing to see? . You can also ask a trusted friend or counselor to meet with you for an hour or two. If not. If you decide to do this. Sometimes writing frees up parts of your consciousness in ways that speaking can’t get to. Get curious about your feelings. gently asking it inside whenever you think of it. If you don’t get immediate results.

If you keep bringing your attention back to the tightness and give it permission to show itself. you weren’t bad. There is something wrong with me and that is why Mom is so upset. I open all channels to love here. There is no judgment in this. I did something wrong. it is normal.Invite and watch for responses to your questions. Often this is a mild awareness of tightness. etc. You may experience your first awareness of emotional pain as an uncomfortable physical sensation. to heal it. Some of us are more physically oriented. Or you could feel emotionally overwhelmed. the tendency was to make a conclusion from it – “I was punished because I was bad.” That part of you needs to know that you didn’t do anything wrong. such as tightness. while others are more mentally or emotionally oriented. In some cases the beginning signs of tightness are later experienced as sharp pain or as a tight constriction as you stay with this process. Therefore. right now. As a young child you depended entirely on your caregivers and didn’t have the maturity to discern that their upset was about THEM and not you. real reason. In the original situation where you were wounded. Look for even the tiniest sensation of discomfort. your awareness of it will increase. remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with you for having this wound. Talk to yourself: Show me where emotional pain is located in my being. Even if your current experience was triggered by something in present time. Make no judgments about yourself or your process. sadness. and there was / is nothing wrong with you. You can’t do this wrong. like being pulled into a tidal wave that has you spinning and not knowing which end is up. Because there wasn’t enough love and emotional support present at the time of the original wounding. They need to be repeated to all of us until we actually hear them and take them to heart. genuine pain. literally. Give the feeling / sensation permission to be here within you fully. whether you can describe or define it or not. You may be able to determine the quality of the feeling as rage. the root of it is there because there was something that happened to you in the past that caused real. it remained unhealed and the energy curled in around itself. like a fist. Just go with whatever you are aware of and congratulate yourself for your courage and determination to heal. Remind yourself that anything that you’re feeling is here for a valid. If not. All this emotional trauma needs is loving attention and self forgiveness – to be touched with loving compassion without trying to fix or change it. Remember to stay with yourself as you do this. We all have unique predispositions. Or it could be mental confusion and obsession about a subject. natural and HEALTHY for you to feel whatever it is that you feel. Your psyche did the best it could with the resources it had at the time. I am willing to feel this. . I can’t say these words enough. As you begin to experience your emotional pain. despair. that’s okay.

our intention here is to acknowledge and feel the FEELING. AS YOU ARE. or a feeling you’re becoming aware of. Notice the tendency to resist what you’re feeling and / or to make someone else responsible for it. Most of our conditioning tells us to resist and blame. I am willing to feel this because I know Love / God / Source / Higher Power is here with me. was the best you could do at the time. of achieving complete alignment with all that you have become and all that you desire.” trace it back. for having this feeling. stay with the . As you go about your daily life. of experiencing the absolute absence of resistance. As best you can. When you notice you feel “off. It also helps to realize that other people in our lives are just mirroring whatever we have in our own energy fields.No need to get hung up on the past. and f bringing to your physical experience everything that you desire – is being in the state of appreciation – “and there is no more important object of attention to which you must flow your appreciation than that of self.Whatever you did. I am not wrong for feeling this.” Perhaps there was an event or something someone else said or did that caused an uncomfortable response within you. notice what triggers you emotionally. Once you pinpoint the “event” then ask the questions above to get at what you’re feeling.No matter what arises.”Abraham – Hicks. given where you were in your spiritual evolution and the intensity of the circumstances you found yourself in.Keep talking to and encouraging yourself. I admit that it is here. it is much easier to forgive someone else. Excerpted from The Vortex. to turn your attention inward. which won’t be useful in acknowledging the emotional pain. In order to do this. Once we are able to forgive ourselves. if anything at all. and it takes practice to become aware of that tendency and decline to follow it. You don’t need to figure out or decide what something means. Remember. If you notice yourself doing this. first of all forgive yourself. Where the Law of Attraction Assembles All Cooperative Relationships Don’t try to interpret or judge the feeling. allow and encourage it to come forth. I breathe in loving compassion and forgiveness. Look back in your memory for the moment you first started feeling “off. This is about being with yourself and loving and accepting yourself. That event is mirroring a wound in your energy field. Just be with the feeling itself and give up “fixing” yourself. I acknowledge that this emotional pain is here. whether it is something someone said or did or something you said or did. I forgive myself for having this wound. Mental analysis diverts you off track and into the mind. I open all doors to love. you need to be willing to BE with yourself. Practice being a source of your own emotional support. “The key to getting inside your Vibrational Vortex of Creation.

More ways to become aware of pain: Make a list of experiences you feel shame about and ask the questions above. We must realize that this is simply not true. during a week of absolute terror. like when you hear a loud noise. sensitivity and kindness to this part of yourself. The story will divert you into the mind and remember. . are in danger of falling. Let yourself know that you see that you never did anything wrong and that you know that you always did the best you could with what you had to work with at the time. Also. Use your words to bring the memories up from the subconscious: What events in my life do I feel shame about? Look through family picture albums and notice what you feel. I’ve seen some amazing miracles happen from this simple process! Keep calling in Love to this place inside you and gently talk to this part of yourself. Most Fear Is Not Caused By Outer Circumstances One of the things that challenges us as we begin to learn how to overcome fear. is what creates the alchemy of healing. Bring patience. is the fact that we are conditioned to think that we are victims of circumstances. Pretend you are about to die… Who do you have unfinished business with? What do you feel when you think of this person? Your Rewards Once you’ve consciously acknowledged your pain and suffering you have taken a big step toward healing it. Let yourself know you SEE you. The only real outer cause for fear that we experience is when the body produces a cellular fear. You will release your emotional pain and develop a sweet intimacy with yourself as well as with your Higher Power – the Source of all healing! HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR One of the biggest questions I’ve had in this lifetime is how to overcome fear. in working with people in WellBeing Alignment Sessions this subject comes up again and again. The unconditional love and the wound coming together. Just gently bring your attention back to the above questions. Remember to keep your channel to Source open as you experiment with the suggestions above. your access to the core wound is via the FEELINGS. Recently. Life gave me an up-close and personal "tutorial" in what causes fear and what our deepest fear comes from. or a locomotive is rushing its way toward you.feelings and not the story of what happened in the past. simultaneously occupying the same space at the same time.

we have seemingly separated ourselves from God. What is the natural result of edging God out? Fear. When We Hold Onto Opinions Or Judgments We Edge God Out When we have a judgmental thought and believe it. opinion or a label about someone else. Until we decide to learn how to overcome fear. Consequently. The result is that we are flooded with emotional and physical negativity. we will still be facing fear and the whole gamut of negative emotions. we become the “god” of our universe. Switch Allegiance From The Problem To The Solution Not only fear. and that this dream we all seem to be living in is our one true reality. but any negative emotion.Our Deepest Fear Is Caused By The Thoughts We Think If we are facing fear and it isn’t the cellular fear described above. “edging God out. It is actually helping us to learn how to overcome fear. To Learn How To Overcome Fear. Resentment. We Suffer In the process of learning how to overcome fear. We are “right” and decide the “truth” of how things are or should be. if we believe that our reality is that we are a separate body. we need to be willing to stop the train of thought. is caused by holding judgments. we are holding a judgment. when the ego continues to run unchecked by our conscious awareness. Suspicion. ourselves. which is only happening within the illusion of ego mind. but ego has been convincing us to believe we are a separate ego for eons. either as outer circumstances or as physical ailments. At . expectations and the like. All thought produces form. but separate from God. grievances. Yes. resentments. The ego thinks it has messed with God. We are holding a fixed thought in mind about a subject that we accept as reality and then react to. it fosters negative energies that range anywhere from suspicious to vicious. or a situation. Terror.”Ego is just an illusion that believes it is real. and is therefore miserable! Consequently. Vengeance. Then it mobilizes its defenses and prepares to defend itself against attack. interacting with other separate bodies. And this we can change! Stay with me here and we’ll talk about how to do that. it is all happening beneath our conscious awareness. The uncomfortable emotion we feel is a signal to us that our thinking is out of alignment with Source and wellbeing. we’ve edged God / Source out of the picture. big time. If we continue to stay out of alignment. at those times when negative emotions come up so strongly and so uncontrollably. As we’re learning how to overcome fear. the emotional distress trickles down into our physical body and eventually becomes physical dis-ease and suffering. we usually don’t connect the cause (our judgments and opinions) with the effects (fear and negative emotions) in our conscious mind. decide to just stop it. opinions. and is terrified it’s going to be punished. "Ego" is an acronym for “edging God out. It is actually impossible to separate from God. As Long As We Think We Are A Body.” In effect. This is because we’ve chosen to live our lives as a separate ego.

As Gary Renard (A Course In Miracles Teacher) said in a recent talk: “The whole universe isn’t being done TO you. I was highly motivated to learn how to overcome fear and get back into alignment with Source and wellbeing. if we’re holding onto any kind of a judgment. others and circumstances. Peaceful thoughts bring peaceful circumstances.the first thought. label or negative opinion about a situation. This is because most of the beliefs and thoughts that seem to separate us from love and Source exist within our subconscious mind. and thereby leave the world of ego and enter consciously into our true Reality with Source.” We need to turn our attention back to love and remember that we are with God / Source. judgments and labels anymore. right now. Form always follows thought. literally hundreds of times.” We need to decide that our peace is more important to us than being “right. . but without a clear sense of why that is. expectations. on the surface we may be aware of feeling “off” or at odds with ourselves or the world. unless we release our judgments. You can declare to yourself: “Stop! I’m not interested in my opinions. and labels about myself. the outer circumstances that I THOUGHT were creating my terror changed. and have never been separate from God. Learning how to overcome fear is an ongoing process. And. was I ever amazed at how much there was! I had such a habit of letting negative thoughts creep in and take root. now and forever. judgments. It is the subconscious mind that projects all of its un-healed energies out into the dream of the world. We are a thought within our Source and therefore we live IN Source. Most Of Our Judgments And Resistance Are In Our Subconscious Mind As we learn how to overcome fear. I’m much more interested in peace and harmony. before the thought train builds. we just keep creating more fear whether we realize it or not. How Can We Heal It? During my week of terror. it works! I began to feel relief the first day I got serious about coming back into alignment with Source and wellbeing. Since there is a cause and effect relationship (judgments being the cause and fear being the effect). I focused my attention on searching out opinions. So even though we may be praying to God to show us how to overcome fear. the first day I devoted myself to taking responsibility for my thoughts and letting go of judgment. “edging God out. that I realized I needed to make a daily commitment to peace. we keep ourselves locked in fear. which creates the circumstances of our lives. it’s being done BY you. And then I discovered that that wasn’t enough.” we are locked into its thought system of separation and pain. Not only that. And wow. in this very moment.” If The Cause Of Most Fear Is Unconscious. Source Can’t Remove Fear From Us Until We Release The Cause When we choose to live life from ego. I need to commit to releasing negative thoughts all day long.

we all share the same mind. enabling us to access the infinite light and love that is here. opinions. grievances. which is our true Reality with Source. we won’t do this perfectly. and offer them to Spirit for healing. As we're learning to overcome fear. you have a choice. anything that busts open the illusion of ego and brings the truth and light in can be met with a lot of resistance from ego. when fear arises. it will affect ALL of us. I’m experiencing a greater expansion of light than I ever have before.” Thich Nhat Hanh … be a loving. Let them go. every day we can make a commitment to… “At any moment. or we can choose love. Remember. which is the realm of the ego. When we experience the resulting love and light. … be willing to take responsibility for all of our thoughts. and labels. I’m much more interested in peace.” at the first sight of a thought whose goal is separation rather than peace and unity. We can just keep coming back to our willingness and let Source do the rest. … say “Stop! I’m not interested in my opinions any more. expectations. I search to see what judgment or opinion I’m hanging onto and I stop “edging God out” and release the judgment.As I continue to do this practice. But our willingness aligns our energy with the Divine and IT does the healing for us. We can choose fear. compassionate Presence. Now. I highly recommend this practice! Daily Commitment Is Essential For Overcoming Fear And Negative Emotions To learn how to overcome fear. our willingness to continue taking responsibility for our thoughts automatically increases. which opens up a channel to the Divine Mind we share with God and each other. This way we can catch it before the negative thoughts multiply and drench us with negativity. … take a few moments each hour of the day to look inside for a negative judgment or opinion about someone or something and offer it up to Spirit for healing. The fear is released right along with it. that either leads you closer to your spirit or further away from it. Choose peace for yourself and everyone else. If I’m indulging a negative thought storm. The key here is willingness. Every moment is a new opportunity! Willingness Is Really All It Takes When we’ve “edged God out” and ego has set up shop as the authority in our lives. Even if we don’t know how to do this. … be compassionate with ourselves and each other when we fail to do these things. … release all our judgments. . resentments. we can commit to it. there really are only two choices that we have in every moment. After lifetimes of unconscious habits of negative thinking. especially at first.

As each of us is willing to choose love and let go of our resentments. From the perspective of this dream life. expectations and opinions. Put Your Future In Source’s Hands I’ll finish here with one more way to learn how to overcome fear. interestingly. At that point the light increases exponentially and we ALL are uplifted into a higher state of light and love. while God is taking care of the future (and believe me He’ll do a much better job than ego!). At the beginning of every day and all through the day you can affirm “I place this day and my future in the hands of God / Source. we are still joined in one mind. and corrects our thinking for us. thereby allowing Source to heal our unconscious stuff. So any love-filled thought that you focus on makes it easier and faster for ALL of us to learn how to overcome fear and find our way back to the realization that we’re living within Source. our True Home in love and light. a tipping point occurs. because they all exist simultaneously. . where we are joined with God and each other in love. The more we all focus on our shared God Mind. There is actually only one ego. One “in-light-ened” thought uplifts our whole shared mind.As more and more light-filled thoughts fill our shared mind. which appears to be split off into many separate egos that appear to live in many separate bodies. We All Share Mind There is another really cool thing about learning how to overcome fear and negative emotion. God Mind is our Reality. the infinite power of Source joins us with It’s love and strength. we all share the same “stuff” in the illusion of ego mind and we all share the same love. you will immediately feel a burden being lifted for you. And. we need to keep reaffirming our willingness to end suffering once and for all. He also heals the past and present. and have never left Source. bringing us closer to our Reality. Then.” If you focus sincerely on this thought for a few minutes. the easier and faster it is for EVERYONE to do it! Here is the reason. although ego mind is actually an illusion. compassion. When we are willing to change our thinking. we operate with a split mind – God Mind and ego mind. Then once we’ve chosen. harmony and unity within God Mind. We have never been separate from Source. We’ve only dreamed (nightmared!) that we did. We need to devote ourselves to peace to develop a new habit of becoming aware of our thoughts and aligning them with Source. This is our true Reality which has always been and will always be. even in the illusory ego mind.Deciding what we really want – fear or love – is the first step in dealing with our egoic resistance.Consequently. judgments. peace and harmony. the easier it is for EVERYONE to focus there.

by Paul Ferrini) Now. However. basically projection is this: If I am feeling negative (or positive) emotion and try to blame you for what I’m feeling. saying or doing. We meet someone who “sees” us and they shine their attention on us and it feels great! We feel special and desirable. Until we do this. I am responsible for all of it. Another person can’t keep that kind of attention going for us 24/7 and then we feel withdrawal from the drug when they withdraw it. Sometimes We Project Our Good Feelings Too Another way we commonly project is to mistakenly believe that another person is the source of love and wellbeing for us. with this understanding of personal boundaries. then I am projecting my “stuff” onto you. our suffering cannot be directly accessed. say or do belongs to me. feel. what goes up eventually comes down. We project our feelings of shame onto the other person and try to identify THEM as “bad” or “wrong” in a futile attempt to shield ourselves from our own shame and pain. let’s define what personal boundaries are. when we don't accept personal accountability for our feelings we judge others for doing things that we were shamed for doing in our childhood. and together we can heal ALL of us and go Home! Personal Accountability – Reclaiming Our Judgments. This can produce a “high” like no other drug on earth. What Is Projection? Before we get into personal accountability and talk about what projection is. This practice is so very important because it opens the door to our pent-up trauma and wounding. This happens quite frequently in the “honeymoon” phase of a romantic relationship. . Generally. thinking. page 46. released and healed. Projections And Ourselves Personal accountability for what we are feeling unlocks the door to our healing and wellbeing.” (The Power of Love. I like Paul Ferrini’s definition best: “Everything I think.Together we can learn how to overcome fear. not taking personal accountability for our own connection with the Source of wellbeing.

right? It is.The only way we can receive ongoing. but I am responsible for owning and healing the place in me that was triggered by what you said or did. but we wreak all kinds of havoc with our relationships. personal accountability sounds pretty clear and straightforward. Trying to “fix” or change the other person so that we won’t have to feel the pain of our own wound. I am refusing to look at my stuff and trying to hand it to you. whether someone else is directing attention toward us or not. Then. Admitting to the other person we are angry but blaming them as the CAUSE of our anger. “Understanding how you project can be very helpful. by: Attacking the other person. It’s about you. from The Laws of Love. Pretending to not be angry and trying to convince the other person that THEY are the one who is angry. our root of happiness. I deny myself access to a precious opportunity for healing my shame that is covered up by the projection. Once we do that we feel and see It reflected everywhere and in everyone. pg 37 How Do We Project? We give up personal accountability and play the blame game of projection in very creative ways. when our hurts and wounds are running the show it is really easy to lose sight of this and blame another person for what we feel. WE feel attacked and it can feel like attacking back is justified. When our wounds are triggered.” Paul Ferrini. Shaming the other person so we don’t have to feel our own shame that was originally projected onto us. until we are triggered. But all forms of projection can be boiled down to one simple message: ‘It’s not about me. if you have the courage to look at it. And the only place we can connect with Source is within our own being.’ That’s the content. So. Withdrawing from the other person while blaming them for our upset. deep and true love is to take personal accountability for our own connection to Source. (More about this below. When we decline personal accountability and project we not only miss an opportunity for our own healing. Depending on another person for our own wellbeing and attributing our experience of love to them. .) You may have TRIGGERED an emotional response from me. How We Hurt Ourselves When We Give Up Personal Accountability For Our Feelings If I don't accept personal accountability for my own feelings and project them onto you.

we are truly powerless. etc. where we most need it. The only way to stop doing it is to bring awareness and love to our inner wounds. As children. This is very important to us for a number of reasons. Why Do We Project? It is what most of us have been “trained” to do.” Therefore. this part of our psyche gives up personal accountability and says. “No way I’m going to admit to having a problem over here. blame or attack someone else and consciously take personal accountability for what we're experiencing. Until we are in personal accountability for what we are feeling. shamed or sometimes punished for whatever our caregivers labeled as “wrong. projecting it outward in blame. When we focus outwardly on the “other” person. At the core of all projection is an intense fear that we are unconsciously or consciously trying to avoid. Generally. it is a (usually unconscious) attempt to keep us from feeling the intensity of our own wounds. When we try to make someone else responsible for our feelings. ostracized. That is a sure-fire way to disempower ourselves. fixing. we abdicate our own .Sound familiar? Don’t feel bad if it does! We all unconsciously give up personal accountability and practice various forms of projection at one time or another. Not taking individual responsibility for our feelings and denying them by projecting them out onto others: Leaks out our Life Force. And because there is a conscious or unconscious fear of being punished. it was what was modeled for us as acceptable behavior when we were children. it brings our energy back to ourselves. many of us were ridiculed. instinctively we think we are wrong or “bad” when negative feelings arise. Quick… Let’s blame it on the other guy!” Projection is a mechanism of denial. judge. Healing Can Only Happen When We Take Individual Responsibility For Our Feelings If we decline to follow the ingrained blame game habit to fix.

What we most need to do when we are triggered in this way is to acknowledge and OPEN to the wound – the part of us that is desperate for our own attention. But when our desire to heal is strong. acceptance and love. the more intense is the pain around the emotional wound we’ve learned to deny. And so. Then by the Law of Attraction. Likewise. a window into the pain opens and we feel it in a way we haven’t felt since the original wounding. if you get into a little pocket where a lot of people are being rude. it's probably because you are being rude – or because you have been aware of people being rude. and discomfort. Each time more emotional angst is added to it. unveiled energy itself. Until we accept personal accountability. the unresolved feelings stay in our energy field and gather even MORE energy each time we go through yet another playing out of the same old dance. burning.power. Nothing ever happens to you that is not part of your vibration! ” Abraham . Keeps us recreating the same painful scenario over and over again. excerpted from a workshop in Chicago. giving up our access to them. . As you practice personal accountability for what you are experiencing. This is an awesome place we now stand in. we continue to create more of the same kinds of experiences. When we don’t project this pain outwardly. The more intense the knee jerk reaction is to attack or change the other person. you may feel a tremendous force trying to pull you into the old conditioning. We make THEM responsible but we can’t CHANGE them! This is a no-win set-up for emotional pain and keeps us in the victim role. it motivates us to start experimenting with ways to heal the pain. 1999 What Happens When We Accept Personal Accountability And Decline To Project When we are emotionally triggered and we take personal accountability and stay with the feelings rather than projecting them out. IL. love and healing. “You are always living a reflection of whatever you are outputting.Hicks. the more intense the burning feeling will be. we immediately feel emotional heat. It is only when we take personal accountability for what we are feeling that our wounds are unveiled and become consciously accessible to us. we now have the POWER to heal and release this energy. We keep a “lid” on a part of ourselves that is literally screaming for our attention. April 25th. It is the undenied. When we distract ourselves and focus outward on the other person we throw a layer of denial over our wounds. From here.

as a child I received negative feedback and shaming from extremely wounded parents. Like all small children. like many of us. In doing this emotional healing work. flawed and unlovable. the pain will unwind and release on its own. I encourage you to look back at your childhood and see that somewhere you made a CHOICE to take on the belief that you were unlovable.If we call in love from Source / God (whatever name you know it by) – and stay with this part of ourselves in the same tender way that we would be with a small child who is hurting. usually unconscious or semi-conscious) that we deserved to be treated poorly and still do because we are bad. This is absolutely magical! More about this in the steps below. For example. They felt that way about THEMSELVES! They had never been . They projected their feelings of worthlessness onto me. We may have a subconscious belief that things will never get better because WE will never get better. I wasn’t stupid. Want Self-Empowerment? Unwind the Illusion of Victimhood Because of things that happened to us as children. I wasn’t mature enough to see the truth – that their perceptions of me had nothing to do with the truth. not because of who you actually are. It is very helpful to remember this fact: All our thoughts of unworthiness come from the fact that we believed a story about ourselves that simply was not true. many of us carry the unconscious (or semi-conscious) belief that we are victims of life. ugly. Along with this is the belief (again. clutzy or unimportant. people and circumstances. You may not have a memory of the actual moment this occurred but you can still look back and realize you perceived yourself in an unkind way because of what was INSTILLED in you.

You won’t be able to do it. ugly. I can NOW choose to see the truth and unwind the story of being an unlovable victim. I've realized that as a child I made a CHOICE to interpret the way that I was treated to mean that I was being punished because I was bad. The point is true for all of us. either directly or indirectly. They unconsciously projected their own shame onto me and my brothers. This is true for all of us.” We didn’t know anything different of the world other than what the people around us taught us. no matter how dysfunctional they were. equal human being. Now YOU have the power to see it differently. Just don’t blame him or make him an enemy.exposed to this type of work that you and I are doing right now. I made the best choice of interpretation I had at the time with the limited amount of maturity I had at the time. Here it is again … Realizing You Have Choice Awakens Your Place of Power In practicing personal accountability and feeling my feelings. We formed beliefs about ourselves based on the ways our caregivers responded to us. When someone comes into your life who pushes all your buttons. don’t try to love that person. Had I been an adult when those things happened I would have had the maturity and discernment to see that my caregivers were speaking and acting out of their own wounds and their response to me had nothing to do with me. As children we were psychic sponges. Love Without Conditions. page 56 Really check this out in your own life. stupid and unlovable. Accepting personal accountability wasn't a concept they were even aware of.” Paul Ferrini. Simply acknowledge that he pushes your buttons and ask for time to be with your feelings. soaking up everything around us as “reality. It is an important realization that is pivotal in climbing out of victimhood and reclaiming your dignity and power as a worthy. It was the best my infant mind could do with the facts at hand. I chose to see it that way then. This is where you take back your power by taking personal accountability for any feelings that get triggered for you now and then taking responsibility for your choice of accepting . “Don’t try to love other people before you learn to love yourself. The important thing is to see that CHOICE is the place of power.

This releases you from the trap of victimhood. I highly recommend getting support for practicing personal accountability for your healing. pastor. with a supportive friend. at some point we all come to a place where we love ourselves enough to see the truth of this. You are totally lovable just as you are now. THAT you can change and heal. the traumatic energy begins to unwrap itself and release. which created your present-day reactions. whether it is in a 12 Step Group or through your church. etc. practice and patience.the negative feedback you may have received as a child. Once you “get” this and see you are not a victim. When we step into personal accountability for our own feelings and beliefs. The self-reminding of our loveliness is needed because sometimes it takes awhile to release the years of negative conditioning. but you WILL unwind the psychological pain. As we accept personal accountability for our feelings. You were perfectly lovable just as you were then. But how you feel about yourself NOW is your responsibility. not you. a therapist. you still have to care about yourself enough to do the work it takes to keep reminding yourself of this truth and to keep affirming the reality of your equality with all other human beings. Personal accountability takes courage. Personal Boundaries And “Processing” . It is important to have others around you who can reflect and affirm your own beauty back to you without judging you. Your past programming was about those around you.

Whatever we’re feeling is our individual responsibility. The purpose of “relationships” is to show us where we need to heal and bring love to ourselves. words. If I’m struggling to love you. When your emotional pain is triggered by someone else. feelings. THEN we can talk with the other person with a better chance of being in our power and taking care of ourselves. make space within for what you are feeling and start the emotional healing process for personal accountability outlined below. Once we’ve committed to personal accountability and gotten in touch with our fear and etc. we discover that we love others exactly the way we love ourselves. Furthermore. and you are responsible for your thoughts. In order to do that we must decline to play the blame game with the other person. (see below) that caused our trigger. or Source – all of it is Us being reflected back to Us. When we’re triggered by an experience with another person. our healing and wellbeing doesn’t lie in processing with the other person about their behavior and our reaction to it. feelings.Remember the previous description of personal boundaries: I am responsible for my thoughts. then I’m having a hard time loving the part of me that you reflect to me. All Relationships Are Mirrors As we practice personal accountability for our own feelings and healing. If I’m judging. ourselves. we all live in a world of mirrors! . mirroring to us how we feel about and treat ourselves. This could quite possibly be a lifelong learning for us all. and actions. blaming and attacking myself. if I’m judging and blaming myself. This is a powerful truth to let in and work with – one that stretches me and teaches me on a daily basis. as well as not projecting and blaming them. what would be most valuable to you is to FIRST be with yourself. words. I’m also doing that to God / Source. it is because I’m judging. Their personal work is their responsibility and our personal work is ours. and actions. Basically. This keeps us from forming another energetic layer of hurt within our own psyche or within the combined energy field of the relationship. No matter who it looks like we’re “relating” with – an “other” person. We must accept personal accountability for all of it. blaming and attacking you.

When it was 7:45 she had planned to stuff her irritation/anger and put a smile on her face when he arrived. By the time Fred finally arrives at 8:20. As soon as Fred sits down and tries to explain why he is late. Now. on top of the massive amount of “not good enough” hurt she was already carrying in her core wound. The more aware of it we are. then 7:45. telling him he is inconsiderate and disorganized.Watching The Blame Game In Action The following is a demonstration of projection in action. She grabs her purse and storms out of the restaurant. the closer we are to personal accountability for our own emotional healing. . Her hurt has been quickly (and unconsciously) covered up with anger and self-defensiveness. Barbara has a tangle of judgments about him writhing inside her. Barbara lashes out at him. she LIKES Fred and was looking forward to getting to know him more. After all. She is a 4-year-old girl who was ignored by her parents and never fully seen or appreciated. She has a dinner date with Fred. Let’s say that Barbara tends to be compulsively early for her appointments. Barbara arrives at 7:15 and settles herself in at the restaurant. because she sincerely feels that Fred “did” something to her. her core wound of not being important is too deeply triggered to suppress it anymore. As the time creeps along to 7:30. who is compulsively late. she is adding another layer of self-judgment that we naturally feel when we've not taken personal accountability for our own experience. I’m sure you can see where this is going already! :-) The date was set for 7:30 pm. then 8 pm (Where IS he?) she is agitated (and hungry!). At this point Barbara is too agitated to be able to listen to Fred’s explanation or accept personal accountability for her own feelings. She is no longer a 35-year-old adult. But by the time Fred arrives at 8:20.

and to understand.She is confused by the intensity of her own response.” Unwinding The Blame Game By Personal Accountability For Our Emotional Healing . Neither one feels good but she doesn’t know how to stop her thoughts spinning in negative directions. be honest with him and apologize to him for attacking him. “If you do not conquer self. it was bound to come out in whatever way it could. She also needs to bring love to herself. As Barbara accepts personal accountability for her own feelings. what is needed is for Barbara to bring awareness to the act of projection and to take individual responsibility for the shame and powerlessness she is feeling. She vacillates between judging Fred and judging herself. you will be conquered by self. That realization will bring her back into her personal power. Once she goes through the personal accountability process below she’ll be able to call Fred. She’ll be able to do this without making either herself or Fred “bad” or “wrong.” Napoleon Hill What We Need To Do To Heal In this example. she will see that she was NOT a victim in this situation. she could have left the restaurant at any point along the way in order to honor and take care of herself. vulnerable and small. As she stays with the process described below. unconditional love will unwind the wound. She doesn’t know what to do or where to turn. Then the next step is to bring love to her inner hurt that was masked by projecting it onto Fred. She feels powerless. For instance. She will see that she had choices. She needs to see and accept that with a hurt that big inside. accept and bring compassion to her wounded aspect that reacted in the situation with Fred.

don’t censor yourself by trying to be “nice. Step 1. he is really inconsiderate! He hasn’t even called to tell me why he is late. “Be present as the watcher of your mind – of your thoughts and emotions as well as your reactions in various situations.” identify your judgments of the other person. Don't make a personal problem out of them. even if you know it is an exaggeration. We’ll continue using the scenario with Barbara and Fred as an example. chapters 2 and 3. the silent watcher. What a jerk! Step 2.” Be honest with how you see this person. You will then feel something more powerful than any of those things that you observe: the still. observe the reaction. observing presence itself behind the content of your mind. He must be so disorganized if he can’t make it to an appointment on time.The following information is based on my experience and realizations from studying Paul Ferrini’s personal accountability guidelines. from The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment Ask yourself … How am I judging Fred? As you begin this personal accountability process. Watch the thought. feel the emotion. Be at least as interested in your reactions as in the situation or person that causes you to react. particularly the books The Power of Love. Notice also how often your attention is in the past or future. without stifling yourself … Wow. and Love Without Conditions. Don't judge or analyze what you observe. When you notice you’re feeling “off. Forgive yourself for .” Eckhart Tolle. Give permission for all of it to come out.

In our humanness. depending on their own particular wounding and conscious or unconscious expectations. based on our own wounding and what we carry in our energy field that colors the lens we see things through. Another would have judged him in a positive light as a busy man and would praise him for “going with the flow. Out goal is just to bring awareness to our judgments and projections. One person might not have been annoyed at all and would have kept themselves occupied talking with the waiters and not even noticed the time. you have judgments. Realize that ALL judgments are inaccurate and subjective.” The other three would have their own unique perspective of their experience. If you’re breathing.having the judgment. either positive or negative.” They are simply viewpoints or perspectives. That in itself begins the healing process. which is usually what we are ready to see. In learning personal accountability. We ALL have judgments about each other. Step 4. . don’t make yourself wrong for having them. Bring love to this hurt part of you that is doing the judging. they would have all had a different experience. which ends up being the same thing. we are all “works in progress. If 5 other people went through the same exact experience as Barbara in the example above. our goal at this point is not to remove judgments. When you see that you have a judgment. I don’t know if it is humanly possible to make them go away entirely since all judgments about other people are judgments about ourselves in areas where we were shamed as children. None of these would be the “truth. We tend to see what we want to see. Step 3. We won’t be able to until we do the healing work inside ourselves that they cover up.” We need to practice forgiving ourselves as well as each other. Take responsibility for the judgment by realizing it is about yourself.

Finished to PERFECTION. In other words.not the other person. desperate to get all her schoolwork finished. sincere feedback about herself in her young life was from a few teachers she had along the way. An answer begins to come in images and feelings. . Sincerely wanting to heal this hurt part of herself and take personal accountability for her feelings.” You might be saying … What do you mean? Barbara showed up on time. Barbara sees how she got into the habit of trying to do everything perfectly in the hopes that her family would somehow notice and that she could earn their love too. Those gifts of love and attention they gave her created a willingness to do ANYTHING to earn more of that kind of loving attention. not just finished. here’s where it gets really interesting. She feels a tense. take the other person “off the hook. Barbara asks these questions inside. She sees herself as a little girl in school. She was organized and considerate of Fred’s time. And why? Because the only place she received positive. No. They were oases of love within an otherwise painful and scary life. Barbara asks inside: What don’t I like about Fred? What is upsetting me about him? Who from my childhood does he remind me of? How do I judge myself in the way that I’m judging him? Does he remind me of a part of myself I don’t accept or like? Have I ever been shamed for doing something like he just did? Slowly and gently. tight place in her chest. How could Barbara’s judgment about Fred being unorganized and inconsiderate be about her when she is clearly just the opposite? Okay.

for it merely aggravates your own sense of unworthiness. . A whole kaleidoscope of images and feelings arise – painful snapshots of experiences with her family where she felt unimportant.” Paul Ferrini. she finds a tense and terrified little girl who is desperate to do everything “perfectly” because she is starving for the love and positive affirmation she didn’t get as a child. like Fred. this time on the right side of her heart. Barbara feels the tense place in her heart begin to ease up.” She began to judge herself whenever something wasn’t done perfectly and then she’d scramble to “fix” it so that it was. It is some shamed part of yourself you have not acknowledged. not heard or truly seen. you can be sure it is not him you condemn. “If you find yourself condemning your brother. Young Barbara kept trying harder in the hopes that she could one day be “perfect” enough to earn love. pg 28 Barbara becomes aware that not only does she judge herself for not being perfect. disrespected. As adult Barbara takes personal accountability for her feelings and goes inside herself by asking questions.As a child Barbara was also terrified of getting hit if she didn’t do things “right. As she opens her awareness to this shamed and wounded aspect of herself. Perceiving inadequacy in your brother cannot make you feel better. she once again feels a tightness in her chest. she also judges other people whose actions don’t fit her picture of perfect behavior. As she keeps her awareness focused inward. Continuing to take personal accountability. she also realizes that whenever she feels “not considered” she feels disrespected and not important. She feels a warm flow of love for this little girl who has lived inside her with her pain for so long. from Love Without Conditions.” Sometimes when she was at home a hand would seem to come out of nowhere and she would get slapped. and unacceptable as she was. even though the abuse still continued when she was doing everything she could to do things “right.

but there it is. Even if you feel you had a great childhood and don’t remember any trauma. By the Law of Attraction. Whew! Hard to look at. shaming and simply not true. it is nowhere near as painful as continuing the old habits and layering more hurt and shame within ourselves as well as attracting and perpetuating painful relationships. just as it wasn’t true about the other person. Finally facing the pain of the wound is the only way to heal the blame game. Sometimes this process can be really uncomfortable. because Barbara judges this as “imperfect” behavior. chances are you still took on some negative ideas about yourself from childhood. See how this works? Barbara’s experience with Fred was extremely painful for her because it triggered several layers of her own pain that existed long before Fred ever came into the picture. Then. negative perceptions and beliefs about ourselves as young children were born from the energy of our primary caregivers’ unhealed wounds that were projected onto us. Like I said before. it couldn’t be any other way. And remember. we are all actually living in a world of mirrors! It is a very powerful process to bring awareness to this and begin taking responsibility for healing our part in it. she attracted situations that reflected that dynamic. Step 5. Barbara also sees that sometimes she treats other people as unimportant unless they are making HER feel important in some way.Since Barbara carried this energy of feeling unimportant within her energy field. like the restaurant scene with Fred. at the time we were too young to discriminate between what was true and what wasn’t and so we BELIEVED this negative self-image was real! The truth was / is: We were never bad or wrong. For a lot of us. To repeat. she judges herself for treating others as unimportant. Realize that your judgment about yourself isn’t true either. . much of the feedback we received about ourselves was negative. to say the least! However.

Now we can turn that around and use it as a tool to help us get in touch with our core wound. “Hey! We need to bring some love over here. “All judgment reveals itself to be self-judgment in the end. we need to first uncover it and allow it to be here fully. actually it isn’t a “thing” at all. Fear is a flag being raised inside to tell us. and right NOW!” In order to bring love to our fear.Step 6. Hawkins Although we’re usually conditioned to think of fear as a “thing” that we must find a way to get rid of. and when this is understood a larger comprehension of the nature of life takes its place. It is the ABSENCE of something. Feel the core fear behind the self-judgment. we now know the specific ways we are judging the other person. Fear is the absence of love.” David R. To find the fear beneath the projection. here are some questions you can ask inside: What if I’m not perfect? What if I make mistakes? How does that make me feel? Why am I angry? . After doing the previous steps for personal accountability. To own our projections and heal the wounds beneath them. It keeps us focusing outward in an unconscious attempt to avoid feeling the intensity of our own inner shame and wounding. we have to be willing to acknowledge and be with our fear. As we practice personal accountability we discover that projection is a mechanism of denial.

Step 7. compassion. we are present at the level of CAUSE. Then looking even deeper. which.Why am I feeling the need to defend myself? What am I afraid of? What is the original source of this fear? In this situation. unloved and has given up hope of ever being truly seen and loved. abandoned. we accept and love ourselves more. Fear then loses its power over us. now we’re at the core of the wound. This keeps her frantically trying to constantly do everything “right. In my own personal work and as I work with people doing Wellbeing Alignment Sessions. she feels that if she doesn’t find a way to be perfect she will be unlovable because she’ll be “bad” at the core. understanding and forgiveness to the fear / hurt child within yourself. As we get more comfortable with it. when we turn into it and not away from it. When she asks “What am I afraid of?” She FEELS the terror of being hit and then left alone if she makes a mistake. which means we are now at the place of empowerment and healing. what do I feel guilty or shameful about? As Barbara practices personal accountability and asks the questions above. This hurt and terrified little being is the one who is at the root of what has been going on. We are now at the place of the vulnerable. unveiled truth. unimportant. See Step 7 below. I often see this aspect as a young. We begin to see that we can still function well in our lives. overwhelmed. Okay. she fears will also insure that no one will love her. When we stop being afraid of our fear. tender. Bring love. I think we . once again she feels a tightness in her chest and a panic so intense that she feels she is about to die. hurt. Instead. even with fear as an occasional companion.” She also fears she doesn’t really know how to truly love other people. bewildered and terrorized child who feels alone. At this level we are no longer dealing with the symptoms or effects of the issue. shocked. We are at the heart of the wounded being inside. Now we are ready to bring love to this part of ourselves. we begin to get comfortable with it.

This is the core wound. valuable. It’s time to tell her/him the truth. I see you as you are. By taking personal accountability and finally going to this abandoned part of yourself and bringing love to it. You can be as you are. daily. You’ve been hurt. and angry. I see that and I’m here to love you. and for many of us. happy life? They need to know that they are important. we have felt dis-empowered. Sometimes clients tell me they fear this will feed the ego and many of us have had spiritual programming that makes us wary of that. You’re not wrong in having them. You are not bad. I’m here with you. They need to know they are loved exactly as they are. I’ll just stay here with you and love you. it’s not too late to take personal accountability and give this love to yourself now. perfect and powerful. The young you still lives inside you. Sometimes the fear around this wound is very intense. I love you as you are. All of your feelings are here for a reason.all have some version of this little being inside us. fear is the absence of love. . usually without even knowing why. No matter how old you are. Exactly as you are. I see you and I understand now. s/he needs to hear it often. you create a unity/harmony in the psyche. Remember. This young being needs to hear from YOU that s/he is loved. It’s time to bring love and forgiveness to this wounded child within you. What do all children need to learn about themselves in order to be equipped for a healthy. flowing dance. It allows our spiritual and human aspects to work together in a beautiful. I’ll just be here with you and love you. Because many of us didn’t receive loving feedback about ourselves as children. It is safe to feel everything that you’re feeling. You are beautiful as you are. hurt. You’ve done nothing wrong. My experience of the “ego” is that it is just the part of us that feels unloved and separate.

but calling it in opens up our awareness of it.” I call in all of God’s Love. All we must do is to look at this part of ourselves through the eyes of compassion. we must also align ourselves with and call in the healing Love in the Universe. it is still here. Not only must we bring our personal love to this wound. release and heal. This love is already here for us. . from your eyes. In this way we bring the truth (that we are not alone and that we are deeply loved in every cell of our being) to the untruth (that we are “bad. We begin to see this little one inside of us and respond the way we would naturally respond if we saw any child in pain – we’d bring love to him/her.This step produces a magical healing alchemy when the wound and love are brought together at the same time and the wound releases. Source. learn.” Having accepted personal accountability for her feelings. to myself. I love you. Please direct my thinking and attention to what you want me to see. “Dear Source. Now I understand that you’ve been in pain. Even if you don’t feel a conscious connection with this Source of Love. I ask for your strength to bring love and forgiveness to all aspects of this situation. now Barbara is aware of this hurt little being inside her.) It is only love that can heal our wounds. God. I open to receive the Highest Love and Light right here in this place. and to all people involved.” separate from love and unlovable. I am wiling to see this differently. Calling it in and aligning ourselves with it brings about the change in perspective that is required for full and permanent healing. or whatever name you know it by. I ask for Love to heal this hurt place inside. Now she can gently talk to her and tell her the truth: I see you. You can use the word “Love.

just . no matter what they’re doing. Source loves you exactly as you are. so you’re off the hook. 2005 To fully accept personal accountability for your healing. Make amends to the other person as needed. yet powerful Forgiveness Meditation. you’ll love them all. I see accepting personal accountability for our feelings and our healing as a lifelong learning. Thank the other person (either face-to-face or silently within) for bringing your wound to your attention so that you can heal it. I also recommend this easy. The best teaching I know for that is A Course In Miracles. is because you’re using them as your excuse to not feel good. We all do. You are perfect and beautiful as you are. NC. At first. This webpage on how to forgive might be helpful also. Be happy. It begins the forgiveness process. “Tell everyone you know: ‘My happiness depends on me. You’ve never been bad or broken. April 30th. Call in the love and support from Source and align yourself with it. you’re undoing a lifetime of conditioning. ” Abraham . Step 8. Be willing to forgive them. Because the only reason you don’t love them. forgive yourself.’ And then demonstrate it. you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel – and then. When you get pulled in by your triggers or your judgments.I love you exactly as you are. And before you know it.Hicks. no matter what. Be Patient With Yourself! Remember that by practicing personal accountability for what you’re feeling and bowing out of the blame game. so that neither of you are stuck in a polarity. Love is already yours. You don’t have to do anything to earn that. maybe several lifetimes. Practice feeling good. excerpted from a workshop in Asheville. You’ll make mistakes. this step helps clean up the energy between you and the other person.

we feel disconnected from our Source. And the truth is. you were probably taught that you should have compassion for others. If not. Self-Compassion Opens The Door To Self-Healing Until we learn self-compassion. have acknowledged our wound. Eventually you’ll catch it sooner and be able to bring love and emotional healing to yourself right away. We simply cannot heal ourselves until we take individual responsibility. we begin to … experience ourselves and other people as equals become aware of and release childhood wounds free up our Life Force for creativity. then awakening compassion for ourselves is the next essential step in our healing and wellbeing. forgive yourself again… The Gifts Of This Practice As we practice personal accountability and commit to ending the blame game. we aren’t loving ourselves. wellbeing and love know ourselves as love from the core of our being trust that this love is bigger than any wound we discover within us. and have become willing to take responsibility for our lives.becoming AWARE of when you are blaming or projecting is a HUGE step. When we aren’t loving ourselves. Like most of us. but were you ever taught that you need to have compassion for yourself first? Most of us weren’t. Being out of love with ourselves is the cause of all our spiritual / emotional / mental / physical wounds. and that it will flow into and through all our wounds and release them Although the practice of personal accountability can be extremely uncomfortable at times. Once we’ve opened up our end of the conversation with our Source. it is far more comfortable than continuing to suppress our emotional wounds and enduring the havoc that creates in our lives. joy. Then when we try to be compassionate with others and fail. which is Love Itself. until you have compassion for yourself. When Your Inner Being Calls For Self-Compassion When something happens and we feel strong negative emotions. the inevitable result is we add yet another layer of self-judgment upon ourselves. often there is an old wound from childhood that has been triggered. A door to the unconscious opens and stands ready for us to enter . you won’t be able to bring it to others.

willing to do what it takes to heal and find our way to wellbeing. The human. starting with self-compassion. “A human being is a part of a whole. Self-compassion is seeing your most tender wounds without judgment. eventually we find ourselves at a site like this one. Once this level of self-love occurs. For permanent healing we need to become conscious of our wound and be willing to bring love to this vulnerable part of ourselves. awareness reveals the cause / effect dynamic that created the wound in the first . when the pain gets so great. acceptance. Compassion for yourself is a softness that flows within you and permeates your emotional / energy wound with acceptance. He experiences himself. As we lovingly befriend ourselves. You know all the intricacies and tendrils of them. Our conditioning often tells us to ignore the door and distract ourselves in some way by reaching for an addictive substance or behavior. unconditional love and intimate understanding. No one in the world knows your feelings and hurts as well as you do.’ a part limited in time and space. called by us ‘universe. we still need to work WITH the Divine. or looking into the pages of a book. psychological part required of you is to bring compassion for yourself. sensitivity. FROM yourself (more about this below). Ultimately. a door opens to the understanding of why the pain is there. It is a willingness to be with yourself as a loving companion to your own pain. and charity for ourselves. his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest.and BE with ourselves to heal the wound. All of our wounds stem from a false belief that we are separate from our Source. Therefore. firsthand and up close. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures [including ourselves!] and the whole of nature in its beauty.” Albert Einstein However. Selfcompassion includes care. solicitude.. What Does Showing Compassion For Yourself Look Like? Self-compassion means to fully BE with yourself in a deeply aware and non-judging way as a loyal and trustworthy friend. leniency. kindness. to partner in our own healing. warmth.. mercy. unconditional love. the first step in any effective healing practice is to align ourselves with That. However. concern. Because of this you are the one most qualified to bring love to this part of yourself. which unravels the core wound. Showing compassion to yourself is being willing to see / feel the reality of your pain without covering it up or trying to “fix” it. restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Until then it stands unresolved in your energy field. tenderness. it is Source that does ALL healing. a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us.

and yes. smart or beautiful “enough” until we hear it from OURSELVES. Compassion is a God quality and when we tap into it. Until we heal the CAUSE of the wound (the belief of being separate from Source. At the core of every wound is a thought / belief that we are separate from God.place – a set of circumstances we experienced from which we formulated a negative belief about ourselves. energetic wounds or constrictions that stem from a feeling of being separate from Love remain in our energy field. All the affirmations in the world won’t work until we undo the core belief of being separate from Love with the experience of the truth that we are loved infinitely. the compassion that does the transformational healing comes from within us. from Love – a fear that we are unworthy of love. Every time you heal a judgmental thought or feeling of separation. Take small steps. Others can love us and show compassion toward us. The power of compassion is seeing ourselves as Source sees us. so that the energetic wound inside us doesn’t keep recreating itself. Begin healing your own thoughts and feelings. from Love) with the Truth (that we’ve never been separate from Source and are totally worthy of Love. Although others may tell us that we’re good. This realization itself opens the door to self-compassion and wellbeing. but to all beings. and that feels good. We discover what it is like to be loved totally. exactly as we are. This is what self-compassion does for you. pg 57 . we begin to see WHY we’ve done or said things we’re not proud of. If you have a responsibility to others it is only this one: that you come to peace in your own heart and mind. we have access to a very high energy field of healing and wellbeing. in every cell of our being.. “Be compassionate with yourself. including our own) it stays in our energy field and keeps drawing the same painful scenarios into our experience. world peace becomes immanent. beautiful. it is felt by every mind and heart in the universe. this does help. etc. smart. When you come to peace.” We see that we reacted because we were in pain and didn’t believe we had any other options. It is a belief that we have accepted about ourselves. It helps us learn to open and receive.” Paul Ferrini. Why Do We Need Self-Compassion? Until we consciously attend to our own psychological healing and wellbeing. We see that our reactions to situations aren’t because we’re “bad. And you are the only one who can change that belief for yourself by experiencing the absolute truth of your Loveliness. However. from Love Without Conditions. the wounded part of our psyche will still hold onto beliefs of not being good. Your healing belongs not just to you. As we make ourselves and our healing priority. We get to intimately experience Source’s unconditional love for us. This completes a psychological loop that is essential for permanent healing.

fully accept whatever the other person did. It observes everything but is not engaged in any of it. Please help me learn to love myself here. hanging onto thoughts that it “shouldn’t” have happened. Fully accept ALL that you’re feeling. focus on being just with YOU. It is neither bad nor good. wishing it hadn’t happened. Mentally rehashing it all. It is not something that is usually modeled or taught in our childhood or even in our adult lives. Open your awareness. thinking. where I am hurting.Dear Source. saying. For now. help me to heal this wounded part of myself. self-compassion is a brand new concept. If we stay with this introspection. or resisting the fact that it DID happen is a waste of your precious energy that could be focused toward your healing. Find the willingness to BE with yourself. said. Your awareness is the perspective or “eyes” inside you who sees everything neutrally and non-judgmentally. Later in the healing process you can address your connection with the other person(s) involved and bring compassion to them as well. We are responsible for everything that we’re feeling. especially your hurt child inside. When we accept that we can move on and progress in our healing. Don’t judge any of it. resentment.How Do We Do It? Where Do We Start? For many of us. Remove it from the outside world and the appearance of other people and bring your attention inside. Accept all the circumstances that happened. whatever they are – anger. Make yourself priority. The next time you are triggered by an event or a person… Ask for help from your Higher Guidance. Each circumstance in our present-day life that triggers emotional pain is an opportunity to practice selfcompassion and be with ourselves on a deep and intimate level. giving us the opportunity to heal it. Remove your attention from the other person and open your inner awareness. The fact is that whatever happened HAPPENED. fear. Also. as well as all that you did. at least for now. turn your attention 180 degrees from the usual outwardly focused perspective. your core wound. Fully accept whatever happened when you were triggered. This is The Watcher. . and… Ask inside… What am I feeling? Invite and acknowledge all of your feelings. we uncover the core shame that lurks in the depths of each of us. It is simply energy moving through you.As you let go of the movie of the outside world and other people. envy. or doing – not the other person. felt or thought. said or thought. sadness. It is just energy. Look at the circumstance that triggered your reactions and negative feelings.

Hello little one. I will stay with you as long as you want me to. then gently release that thought and view your Heart from the perspective of The Watcher – the neutral observer within you. letting them know you are here just to BE with them. They are the natural result of things that happened Now.I’m not here to try to fix or change you. You are not alone. bringing attention to your Heart. and lives in our hearts. After all. Gradually you’ll feel tenderness. Notice that the feelings this young you is experiencing is because of certain events that happened. Keep your attention in your Heart. Experience the part of you who is a loyal.As you’re feeling in to what is going on inside you. I’m not going to leave you. notice the familiarity of the feelings. S/he is suffering because she thinks she is outside of YOUR heart. I have no expectations of you. be a friend to this little one inside you. We just need to allow ourselves the space to look and really see the wondrous beauty and purity of this little one to become aware of how much love and compassion we already feel for ourselves. but I assure you. If you “think” there isn’t love there. I’m just going to be here with you as you feel this. Nothing is more painful than that. You will absolutely fall in love with this part of yourself when you allow yourself to experience the depth of her / his tender. Look back to a younger time in your life when you felt these feelings. You are not wrong for having these feelings. Soak Up Your Own Love “Fear grows out of the things we think. It may take some patience to find this aspect of yourself. it is there.”Barbara Garrison . Compassion grows out of the things we are. With this love from your Heart. and space as well as warmth. Again. compassionate friend who loves you unconditionally. let go of thoughts and just observe. you will feel yourself as a young child who still lives within you today. We may think that we suffer because of lack of love from others. gently enfold your inner little one into this reservoir of Love inside you. Bring your hurt child into your Heart. I love you as you are. it won’t take any effort to love them. You are very important to me and I love you very much. but that is never the case. We can feel these feelings together. Our suffering actually comes from thinking / feeling we are outside of our OWN love. imagine yourself sitting down beside this little one. beautiful being. At first you may just feel a sensation of warmth. I’m here with you. I’m just happy to be with you as your friend. The more that you are with your inner child and get to know them. I just want to be with you as you are. it lives in our minds. That is the place of absolute powerless. light. Literally. this is YOU! Our natural state is to love ourselves. At some point.

etc. This direct experience will change your old false belief on an energetic level – spiritually. emotionally and psychologically. If another person says “you’re wonderful” and on a core level (perhaps unconsciously) you say to yourself “no I’m not. Therefore. As you begin to feel your OWN love. You will feel more freedom to show up as you are. It won’t be long until you’re looking for more from them or someone else. As you feel more love for yourself your energy field will vibrate on a lighter level and you will therefore attract to yourself more uplifting circumstances in your life that bring you joy! . watch for the inevitable arising of self-judgment if you don’t understand this process or if you’re not able to do the whole thing in one sitting (no one does it in one sitting!). Patience After a lifetime of practicing self-judgment. And then. That’s okay. acting out. a psychological healing occurs. Be kind and gentle with yourself WHATEVER is going on inside you and then voila! you are already practicing self-compassion! What Are The Results Of This Practice? All of the coping behaviors we’ve adapted – withdrawing. Our psyche no longer feels the need to take defensive measures to protect the inner vulnerable child once it sees that we’re finally taking care of the little one in an appropriate way. As you get to know your inner child more and bring love to them. The resulting shift in your energy vibration also changes your cells on a physical level. don’t be surprised if it takes some time. Just start where you are. That one step will guide you to the next and then the next… As you practice these suggestions for awakening compassion for yourself. For some of the more intense memories from your past it may take longer to sit with and accept the feelings and bring compassion to yourself there. self-compassion is like food for the starving. Just take one piece of it. you will have healthier boundaries with other people and not depend on them to take care of you. As we bring the power of compassion to ourselves. any talk about self-compassion can sound like a foreign language. Be where you are and work from there. Bring self-compassion to yourself wherever you are in the process. FOR yourself and ABOUT yourself. when/if you get more loving attention from them. Only self-compassion and self-love will fill up that inner hole that stems from a false belief of being unlovable. As you practice self-compassion you will discover more space and wellbeing from within. – were devised by a part of our psyche that is trying to protect the hurt little one inside in the only way it knows how. Sometimes when we’ve experienced severe trauma. releasing the energy of lack and dis-ease.” their love will only be a temporary band aid. projecting our feelings onto other people. Don’t make yourself wrong for any of it. We generally heal step by step. you will realize how much energy you’ve put into trying to get love and compassion on the outside and how no matter how much of that you’ve received from someone else. That’s because it doesn’t change your inner beliefs. that you TRULY are loveable and you truly are Loved. it STILL won’t be enough. it’s never been enough. you will know true self-empowerment and trust yourself more to take care of yourself.For most of us. Showing compassion for yourself allows you to consciously and directly experience. one step that you resonate with and do that one step.

you need to know how to love yourself first. I automatically receive the love and appreciation that I desire from others. As I learn to love myself. first listen to how you talk to yourself. Your Self-Dialogue Is Key I think most of us would be shocked if we could hear a tape recording of our inner dialogue. which cripples you in every area of your life. The self-focused negativity cuts you off from your connection to your Life ForceUntil you know how to love yourself there will be an inner war going on that divides your energy and sabotages your efforts to move toward happiness. In more intense cases there is depression and self hatred. Do any of these thoughts sound familiar? .all others are mirrors of it. From the spiritual perspective. I will attract others with equal commitment. You cannot enjoy happiness if you are not at peace with yourself. Your relationship with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have. with All That Is. You first have to be aware of a situation before you can change it. selfempowerment. Once you’ve experienced compassion intimately for yourself you will have it to share with others. Besides that. if you lack your own love you attract people and circumstances that mirror your negative beliefs and feelings about yourself.Another beautiful outcome of practicing self-compassion is your compassion for others will flow automatically and effortlessly.” Shakti Gawain. To start building self esteem. Sometimes we treat ourselves far worse than we could imagine treating someone else. How To Love Yourself Knowing how to love yourself is extremely important. Reflections in the Light Not knowing how to love yourself can be severely debilitating. with God. in order for you to draw in loving people and circumstances. you’re plagued by indecision and self doubt. At the very least. What Are The Effects Of Not Loving Yourself? “My primary relationship is with myself . We draw to us the manifestations of what we FEEL. and your ability to create and enjoy the kind of life you want. By the Law of Attraction it couldn’t be any other way. joy. If I am committed to myself and to living my truth. Self love is at the very core of wellbeing. every relationship you ever have with someone else exactly mirrors one or more aspects of the relationship you have with yourself. So. From the human perspective. We would see just how many times a day we judge or criticize ourselves harshly. it is by turning your attention inward to your Self that you are able to experience your connection with Life.

I don’t know what I’m doing. they did it “blind." "I’m not as (good. music and pictures. I don’t deserve to have what I want. and other people around you during your early years. I don’t deserve to be loved. Underlying this negative self talk can be long-held beliefs about yourself that aren’t even based on reality.” Mahatma Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi Until you learn how to love yourself. such as “Thank you." "I deserve to be punished.” and “You fool!” Then he froze the water and took photos of the water crystals with a microscopic camera.In order to keep the tests using written words pure. No one likes me. attractive. etc."There is something wrong with me. successful." "I should have (fill in the blank)." "It’s all my fault. smart. they covered them up so that no one knew which words were written on which containers until . you might hear: "I don’t deserve to be happy. In his research he attached written words to containers of water. They are hangovers from other people’s energy being projected onto you. Masaru Emoto shows the powerful effect that our thoughts and words have on us. rich.” After the words were written. etc. this is how you cripple yourself so that you can’t move forward or go after the things you want." Lack of self love can also get projected out as: "That person doesn’t like me. In addition to using written words. attractive." "I’m not (good." "I’m incompetent.) as that person." "I’ll never get that job." "I’m bad.” “I love you." At a deeper level. The Power Of Words Famous research by Dr." “My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents and I lay them both at his feet. This usually comes from your parents. he varied his experiments with thoughts. I don’t have what it takes. I don’t deserve to be forgiven." "I’ll never be able to do this. I’m really messed up.) enough. siblings. smart.

this is just not a pretty picture. all harmonically woven together. Vols. that vibration draws in more of the same. as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection. This is a powerful demonstration of the crippling effects of not knowing how to love yourself.” Siddhartha Guatama Buddha The results were amazing! You can view them in his books Messages From Water. I’m sure that the effects of negativity is even more extreme if the negativity is SELF generated. As you can see. Some of them look like shimmering diamonds. depending on the individual). 1 and 2. Chances are really good that somewhere at that juncture you told yourself something negative about yourself. the crystals were small. Whew! Okay. enough about the horror story … … So What Can You Do? A good first step in learning how to love yourself is to periodically check in with yourself through the day and notice how you’re feeling – happy.the end of the experiment.Let’s take a slight detour here for just a moment …Here’s an interesting question … . Remember. It might have been guilt about the negative thought about someone else. emotional. No wonder there is mental. whether it was a written word. or feelings of inadequacy. alive and open? Closed and contracted? Neutral? If you are feeling negative.On the other hand. You yourself. with the Law of Attraction as those cells vibrate with negativity. physical. the photos of the frozen crystals were exquisitely beautiful. our bodies are about 60% water (it varies. and that person is not to be found anywhere. That way the test wasn’t influenced by the thoughts of the people involved in it. in every case where the stimulus was negative. a verbal statement. trace back to when you first started feeling that way. remember that these experiments show what happens when the negativity comes from the OUTSIDE. My sense is that it has the same debilitating effect on ALL parts of ALL our cells. In every case when there was a positive energy used. “You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself. and this is just revealing what happens to the part of us that is water when we are hit with negativity. if you look closer you’ll find that somewhere along the way the part that really got you feeling bad was a negative thought about yourself. However. Then. and spiritual illness in the world! Also. misshapen and deformed! This so clearly demonstrates the effects of the negativity hurled at oneself until you learn how to love yourself. or a picture. The water crystals formed into intricate symmetrical patterns. This negative self-talk is a symptom that shows up chronically until you learn how to love yourself. What might first come to your awareness is a negative attitude or thought about someone else.

guilt is focused on self. need and beliefs than the other aspects. but I think you’ll agree that between the two. including inside ourselves. In the Stone’s Voice Dialogue work you learn to identify these sub personalities and then let them dialogue and find agreements with each other. sensing. Some people are visually oriented and some are more feeling. Then you trace back to find the point where you started feeling that way. This process is a great way to get started in learning how to love yourself. what we do to ourselves is MUCH more painful and destructive than anything anyone else could do to us. acceptance. is pure powerlessness – just heart-wrenching inadequacy and selfcondemnation.’ and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. You might feel a specific feeling sensation in your body or an emotion that floods in. I still use a modified version of their techniques today. and harmony. earlier in this article we talked about becoming aware of when you feel negativity. see if a picture comes to mind. guilt is the most painful and the most debilitating. Just notice whatever arises when you hear whatever the negative phrase is that you’re working on.Which do you prefer: guilt or blame? Neither feels good. Guilt. or use your imagination to make one up. For example you might hear something like the ever-popular. On the emotional spectrum. Blame is focused on other.” “People often say that ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There is SOME degree of taking charge of the situation and having control.Let’s use this information to support YOU in building self esteem and self love. which in this example is “I’m a bad person. getting back to what you can do … Voice Dialogue Years ago I studied the Voice Dialogue work of Drs. or hearing oriented.” . Look for the judgment thought you had about yourself. Maybe as a toddler? A teenager? Don’t worry if you don’t get a visual picture. creating more self-understanding. So. Voice Dialogue works with the many selves or sub-personalities that we all have within our psyche. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have not dared to look. “I’m a bad person. There is no right or wrong way to do this. Changing Your Self-Dialogue Getting back to our process of learning how to love yourself. Hal and Sidra Stone. Selffocused negativity cuts off our connection with Life Force. Each of these different aspects of yourself has different wants.” Salma Hayek As you hear those words within. on the other hand. It was extremely powerful for me at the time. Why? Blame at least has some energy mobilization. Can you see this aspect of yourself in your inner vision? You may get an indistinct glimpse of yourself at a younger age.

That’s okay. exactly as you are right now in this moment. find another aspect of yourself who feels like a best friend to this self-judging aspect and who is eager to come forward. You are a good and wonderful person. Just remember how beautiful you are. Once you’ve identified the best friend aspect of yourself the first time it gets much easier to call it up again. You are wonderful. You might hear something like … “I love you. Let the aspect of you who uttered “I’m a bad person” soak up the love and support.And. just stay with it. Learning how to love yourself is like exercising a muscle you didn’t know you had. It is challenging for you right now because you are coming up against a growth area for you. I will help you learn how to love yourself. Listen to your best friend aspect’s words of love and encouragement. If this describes you. that’s okay. You can also do a mini version of this as you go about your day and you become aware of slipping into negative self talk. For some people that is easier. For some of us. This aspect of yourself already knows how to love yourself. the flame of self love is so low that the positive voice inside is all but snuffed out. you will find a noticeable increase in your self love.Try doing the dialogue in writing. Don’t use this exercise to beat yourself up even more. If you stay with it. please be gentle with yourself. the stronger it gets. “I don’t like myself – I’m crazy about myself!” Mae West The goal is to derail any kind of negative self talk as quickly as possible by bringing in your best friend aspect. Just imagine a kind being who loves you unconditionally.” Stay with this dialogue for as long as you can. don’t worry. don’t give up. Really hear the response from the best friend aspect. You will get through this. I know your beautiful heart. The imagination is a powerful tool that can be used for great healing. then make one up. By learning how to love yourself in this way you will train yourself into much greater harmony and wellbeing than you’ve ever known before! If the multiple sub-personality idea bothers you. The more you do it.Now. that aspect will come into your awareness. Just ask inside for the best friend to come forward and if you are patient and sincere. Don’t get discouraged if you don't become immediately aware of this part of yourself the first time you do this. Drink it in and indulge in the good feelings. It may feel strange and uncomfortable at first because it is new. If you can’t find the aspect that already knows how to love yourself. Imagine or make up what that person would say to you if they heard you saying “I’m a bad person” to yourself. We ALL have a multitude of these aspects . Your evolution and growth are assured. If he/she isn’t eager.

Use your power of choice to choose happiness. Until we learn selfcompassion. Tap into the root of happiness inside you. Use the Gratitude List exercise to list things you appreciate about yourself. Open to them and they will help you know and appreciate the unique and beautiful being you are. This feeling of separation from Source is at the core of all our discomfort and disease. Practice Energy Healing Therapy exercises to release negative energies. Your creative gifts are a doorway into wellbeing and the fulfillment of your life path. we stand outside our own love and feel separate from Source. The Divine (insert the word you know It by). First. Identify and break free of old beliefs that could be holding you back. Watch Out For The Comparison Trap . on all levels of our being.within us that have developed out of our early life experiences. This is a powerful way to switch your feelings about yourself from negative to loving. Experience your vulnerability as true strength. This process is a healthy and natural way to learn how to love yourself. Drink in the love. More Support On This Site To Learn How To Love Yourself Practice compassion for yourself. Call up your best friend aspect and let him/her love you. then forgive others. forgive yourself. This is a key step in learning how to love yourself. God. Zero in on what you told yourself about yourself at that point – the thought that triggered the negativity. The Steps In Brief Be on alert for inner negativity. Just try this for one day and you’ll be amazed at what you discover. Maybe pick a day when you have some leisure time so you’re not distracted by work and other obligations. encouragement and support from this aspect of yourself. and free yourself (This is easier than you think). Scan back to when you first started feeling that way.

Saying YES to it opens the flow of love and gives space for the situation to release and transform. So. Self Nurturing Do as many things you can to nurture yourself on all levels – physically. It is just an exercise for YOU to release resistance. while Betty Sue may have already mastered personal relationships (I hope she’ll give a workshop for the rest of us!). we all have different areas of mastery as well as different areas that are steep learning curves. staying with this stream of thought causes self-suffering. See what draws you and evokes positive feelings … Yoga? Joining a gym? Or you might want . say YES to the whole situation that evoked it.One of the common potholes of life that you may fall into on the road to learning how to love yourself is the old comparison trap. We all came with different growth assignments for this lifetime. she hasn’t quite figured out how to open up to receiving abundance yet. It can flip in either direction. What appears to be high self esteem is a cover up for low self esteem. emotionally. don't be fooled by how someone else appears. mentally. As you learn how to love yourself. say YES to everything you’re feeling and to all people involved. If it is chronically about not being as good as other people in some way. find the aspect within who feels that way and let them talk. You know the one. “Sheesh. The stance of feeling better than someone else is just a buffer to protect you from the wrenching feelings of not good enough.” What you will find is that the aspect who feels better than others is the same aspect as the one who feels less than others. The word “YES” carries a powerful energy that can unlock the flow of wellbeing inside you. past and present.” Or it could flip into what appears to be high self esteem: “I’m much better than that person. And Bobby Lee is a multi-millionaire but can’t seem to get it together in his personal relationships. How To Love Yourself Even More Say “YES” When you find yourself feeling negativity. If you find yourself falling into the comparison trap frequently. Consequently. You can use this same technique if you find yourself chronically on the other side of the coin: “I’m better than that person. that person is way better than me. This doesn’t mean that you need to agree with what someone else is doing. it would be a good idea to do a Voice Dialogue session on the subject. Then find your best friend aspect and hear their loving response.” This is just the other side of the same coin. This is not at all about them. Either way. for your own wellbeing. Resisting anything feeds it energy and keeps recreating the same scenario. spiritually. From within. No person is better or worse than another.

. Your Self Love Uplifts Us All Besides the many personal benefits YOU will experience from learning how to love yourself. and everything else around you as one big ocean of energy. Also. and the whole universe. contiguous energy field that includes our planet and everything on it. Decide to do at least one activity each day that is exclusively for your own self-nurturing. You cannot really love yourself and do yourself a favor without doing people a favor. See Yourself This exercise is a powerful way to learn how to love yourself. as a more complete being.You will feel more energy to move forward in your life. as if the locks are being removed. without them even knowing what you are up to.”Karl Augustus Menninger Although we look like separate beings running around doing our individual things. As you learn how to love yourself. You will begin to trust yourself more as your self-appreciation increases. “We must give to ourselves until we are so full and overflowing that when we give to another. Go to a mirror and look into your eyes. Keep looking until you can see your tender beautiful heart.to learn to dance. we give pure benevolence. we give pure love.In other words. your energy field will continue to transform. You’ll feel more self-empowered and grounded. mirroring this new perspective of yourself. if someone saw you right now from that perspective. and just focus on your eyes. the space between you and your computer. As you learn how to love yourself. Really look inside that person you see reflected there. As you treat yourself more kindly. as you judge yourself less. the wars within will diminish and your wellbeing will expand. they’d see your body. we are far from separate. and we give pure compassion. channeled by Sandy Breckenridge What Changes Can You Expect? As you take steps in learning how to love yourself. there is a gift you’ll be giving to all of your fellow beings: you will be uplifting all of us. The circumstances of your life will change to a more positive state as well. we give pure joy. Your expanding infusion of self love will have a positive effect on others around you. your computer. The area of energy perceived as “you” would be vibrating in a different way than your computer. If you could look at this plane of reality from an energy or quantum physics perspective. you would see one continuous. you’ll find that you’ll judge others less as well. you will attract people who treat you the same loving way you are learning to treat yourself. and doubt yourself less. and vice versa. change your eating habits. but all of it would be one mass of energy. or listen to music you love more often. You’ll feel more confident and competent.Areas where you previously felt stuck in your life will begin to open up.” Alana. Ignore whatever critical thoughts that may arise. your energy field will begin to change. “Self-love is not opposed to the love of other people.

This is not because we are “bad” and shouldn’t be forgiven.So what is my point? As you learn how to love yourself. In other words. which in essence is loving yourself. ALL of us are infused and uplifted by you as you learn self love. And. I invite you to look back on any experience in your past where you are carrying guilt or shame.. we THINK we are cut off from The Divine. unfortunately. Although at the core this is a loving act. By the Law of Attraction. since we are all part of one big energy field. You need to see the truth of this for yourself – that all of your actions came from a basic human survival instinct. This false belief of being separate from our Creator is at the core of all suffering and dis-ease. which generally have off-balance results for ourselves as well as our Brothers and Sisters. . you have full permission to love yourself unconditionally too. Withholding Forgiveness From Ourselves Is Actually Motivated By Love Many of us feel we’ve done things that make us unforgivable. Until we bring forgiveness to ourselves. If you look deep enough you will discover that your truest intention was to take care of yourself in the best way you knew at the time. withholding self love and self forgiveness causes us to feel separate from Source. God (Insert the name you know It by. since your Creator loves you unconditionally. You’ve Done Nothing Wrong To begin this self forgiveness process. Look at what your true intention was when you did what you did. So . ource loves you just as you are. your energy begins to vibrate in an uplifting way and. It is because we carry the energy of “I BELIEVE I am bad” in our energy field. Consequently we feel cut off from love. This is usually unconscious. but you did the best you could at the time. just as you ever were before.. You may have had a limited awareness of options and perhaps made choices that brought yourself and others undesirable results. we draw to us circumstances that reflect our assessment of ourselves. thank you! Self Forgiveness Is Essential For Healing Once we experience compassion for ourselves. When we look deeply enough inside we see that keepings ourselves “unforgiven” is actually motivated by love. which causes us to do things that are off balance. We hold ourselves as unforgivable in hopes that we never do that thing again because we don’t want to hurt anyone else or ourselves. we end up acting in the very ways that we held ourselves unforgivable in the first place. and just as you’ll ever be. Source. self forgiveness is the next natural step in emotional healing. The only way to heal this false belief of being unlovable is to first bring enough love and self forgiveness to ourselves that we can then open to the Divine and feel the wellbeing that is always available to us when we align ourselves with it.).

From this perspective you can see into your heart and become aware of the reasons why you’ve done what you’ve done. Do you see the purity of your heart? In our growth process we can all look back and see how, given what we know now, we could have done things differently in the past. However, it is important to see WHY you did what you did and to apply self forgiveness. It is time to let go of the burden of the past, to stop beating yourself up. Once you do this, the power of forgiveness will transform your energy field to a higher vibration and you will attract much more loving circumstances and wellbeing into your life.

Even Extreme Acts Are Motivated By An Attempt At Self-Love

What I’m about to say may be shocking to hear, but I invite you to keep an open mind and stay with me for a moment: Even when someone commits as extreme an act as murder, if they are able to look back and see deeply into their motives at the time, they will see that at the time the act was committed, they honestly believed it would make their situation better. It was an attempt to take care of (love) themselves the only way that they could see at the time. This is true for all of us, for all of our actions. Really check this out for yourself. I’m not encouraging or condoning any act that causes suffering for another being or ourselves. I’m just bringing awareness to the fact that anything that we’ve done is forgivable when we truly look deeply and honestly into our hearts, and see that at our core our actions are innately motivated by the desire to love ourselves as best we can.

Forgiveness Isn’t Even An Issue From The Perspective Of Our Creator Until you learn how to forgive yourself, it can feel like God hasn’t forgiven you. However, this feeling of separation is actually an illusion. The division only occurs in our own mind. We unconsciously separate ourselves from Source because WE think we are unlovable, not because It has pronounced us so.

To experience self forgiveness, I invite you to see yourself through the unconditionally loving eyes of your Creator. There is nothing you can do that would keep you out of God’s heart. In fact, from the perspective of Source, forgiveness isn’t even an issue because you’ve done nothing wrong. We are all learning and growing and we act in accordance with whatever stage of growth we are on at the time.

The only reason we even have the concept of forgiveness is because WE think we’ve done something wrong. Therefore it is only US that needs to forgive ourselves. Source is like a sun, shining on all. We need to see ourselves and love ourselves as our Creator sees us and loves us: unconditionally. See the thing that you did, see your motivations at the time, find the place at the core where you were acting from what you thought was best at the time, given your awareness at the time. See that, love yourself, and forgive yourself. The Door To The Divine Opens Once We Open The Door To Ourselves Once we use self forgiveness, our inner door to love opens. It’s really quite magical. We are now able to feel the Universal love and wellbeing that has been waiting beyond the door that we had kept closed within ourselves for so long. In truth, we’ve always had access to this healing love, but holding ourselves hostage by our self judgment kept us from FEELING it. It is quite a delicious relief to feel the warmth washing in as we open to our own compassion and self forgiveness.

Start Where You Feel Shame Or Guilt

In learning how to forgive yourself, first work on the obvious areas in your life, experiences that you’ve had in your past which bring up feelings of shame or guilt. As you work on those, you’ll become aware of other, more subtle ways that you withhold love from yourself, judge yourself, and keep yourself separate from God.

As children, many of us were judged when we rocked the boat of our caregivers. Their own self judgments were projected onto us. This is very common. However, these judgments had nothing to do with who we are.

We tend to form ideas about ourselves from the way that other people respond to us. This is true whether their response actually had anything to do with us or not. As young children we were too young to question the validity of these assumptions we made about ourselves based on the responses of those around us. Eventually we began to feel that we were “bad,” wrong, or somehow messed up at the core. This is the core wound.

Now that you’re aware of this dynamic, watch for the signs of it in your daily life. Become aware of times when something happens that triggers you into feeling “bad,” wrong, not good enough, not smart

enough, powerless, etc. Watch the things you tell yourself about yourself. Our work is to bring awareness, love, and self forgiveness to all of these places inside ourselves. We need to travel to the place of the original wounding in our feeling memory and see that the negative ideas we adopted about ourselves are simply not true. We are unique, wonderful, and entirely loveable just as we are now and just as we were then.

“You have only one person to forgive in your journey and that is yourself. You are the judge. You are the jury. And you are the prisoner. An unholy trinity, to be sure! Loosen up, my friend. Everything you think you did to others is just a form of self-punishment.”

Paul Ferrini, Love Without Conditions, page 142

More Subtle Layers Present Themselves For Self Forgiveness

As these judgments and negative beliefs about yourself come up, check into your heart and see the truth: the validity of the purity of your heart and your core intention to bring love to yourself. Apply self understanding and self forgiveness for:

All the things you were judged for as a child and still judge yourself for now. Having so-called “negative” feelings such as fear, anger, hurt. All “negative” feelings are the direct result of things that happened to you. You are not “bad” or wrong for having them. Feelings are the natural, healthy response to events. What ISN’T healthy is suppressing and judging them and yourself for having them. Not fitting someone else’s idea of how you should be. Being exactly as you are – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually – in your wonderfully unique way. Punishment and other traumas you experienced. Receiving punishment and experiencing other challenging events does not mean you made a “mistake” or that you are “bad.” Making “mistakes” as you learn, increase in awareness and evolve.

fulfilling experiences. etc. There are only “learning events. Whenever I have a conflict with someone. avenues of expression for your unique gifts. more loving Source of energy. but loving connections and appreciation from other people. “You are not guilty of any sin. If we withhold love from others. Then see how you withhold love from yourself for the very same reason.” Self Forgiveness Opens The Door To Abundance As we open the door to receive forgiveness from ourselves. The Only One You’ll Ever Have To Forgive Is Yourself We can’t give what we don’t have. It is the only way out of your self-imposed illusion. If we are withholding it from ourselves. But you believe that you are. as you are more loving toward yourself. money. Self forgiveness completely changes your energy field. It all comes through the same “doorway. you draw in circumstances and people who are ALSO more loving toward you. page 143 . This step is absolutely essential before we can truly forgive and love anyone else. The other person is playing the role of a voice in my head.” This includes not only a love for ourselves. that conflict is really only with me. Whatever is in our internal reality gets projected into our “outer” life. I’m only judging the part of me that they are reflecting. Whenever I judge someone. When you notice that you are withholding love from someone else. Then. The outer reflects the inner. Self forgiveness completely changes your “outer” reality. it is because we are withholding it from ourselves. by the Law of Attraction. you will need forgiveness.There are no “mistakes” from the viewpoint of your Creator. Love Without Conditions. it is because we haven’t fully forgiven ourselves yet. you align yourself with a higher. my brother. notice why. And while you believe this.” Paul Ferrini. As you begin practicing it. we open the door to all forms of abundance and wellbeing.

unlimited energy field of light. compassion.Usually what I’m judging is a part of myself that was shamed when I was a child. if you showed self-expression or power as a child and it was threatening to your parents. Forgiving them comes as a natural result of forgiving yourself. we open our inner door to our Creator and feel our alignment with the vast. Each time we choose love. healing and wellbeing that is always here and available to us. Consequently. Choosing The Power Of Forgiveness Is An Ongoing Practice Self love and self forgiveness doesn’t just happen once and then we are healed finally and permanently. when you bring love and self forgiveness to the place in you that was shamed as a child for being powerful. and in fact. See how this works? So. We have to choose it again and again in our lives as new layers of our being become unveiled for our healing. then chances are you got shamed for it and have issues about self-empowerment as an adult. love. there is a good chance you will judge them because you were shamed for having ANY power. For instance. We have to keep doing our part. your dynamic with other people in power changes. Holding grievances hurts ourselves far more than anything anyone else has ever appeared . when you’re around people who stand fully in their power in a healthy way and/or use their power in an “unhealed” way to coerce others. You will feel much less threatened by them and therefore less inclined to judge them. IS us! How to Forgive Others With Love And Compassion Learning how to forgive and extend love and compassion to others is one of the most important things we can learn. forgiveness.

to “do” to us. we first have to arrive at a place where our personal peace and happiness is more important to us than the desire to be right and make someone else wrong. eventually the discomfort of holding someone out of our heart just becomes too painful. love and forgiveness to others. The first step is to acknowledge where we are in pain. After years of holding onto some large grievances. and it is Us. and then studying The Disappearance Of The Universe and A Course In Miracles helped me to walk THROUGH the door of forgiveness. In doing that we hold a part of ourselves away from our own love and there is nothing more painful than that. . finally and completely. We learn how to forgive "others" for our own healing because actually there is only One Being here. With this understanding. This makes it much easier to see that others' actions are motivated by THEIR wounds. acceptance and forgiveness to ourselves. it is all Us. love. We can't heal something until we admit to ourselves that it is there and take responsibility for our own feelings. Prerequisites For Forgiveness In learning how to forgive. it is easier to extend compassion. At that point my strong desire attracted the introduction of a very clear path to learn how to forgive and heal anything. Before we can learn how to forgive others. Whether we appear to forgive someone "out there" or ourselves. It puts a veil over the Light that shines within us. and into the Light of the Truth of who we all are. After that. I finally generated enough desire to learn how to forgive because I was tired of suffering over the negativity I was choosing to hold onto. we begin to open. we generally have to do some self-healing first. cutting us off from our experience of being connected with God. Even though arriving at that point can take longer in some situations than others. My forgiveness path opened up in two steps: Ho'oponopono opened the door to the realization that forgiveness was POSSIBLE. soften. It was just too debilitating. Then we can bring loving compassion. and move toward letting go of our grievances toward them. Another reason why it helps to do our own personal forgiveness work first before learning how to forgive others is that it helps us to see our own underlying wounds and how they cause us to act in "off balance" ways toward others. and therefore.

Ihaleakala Hew Len.First. Further. is famous for curing a complete ward of criminally insane patients at the Hawaii State Hospital. This includes so called “other” people as well as every single thing we experience. We are like a human projector. otherwise it could not be here. At the workshop I attended with him. except to occasionally play tennis or other recreational activities. by the vibrations that are dominant within our own being. Ihaleakala Hew Len Ihaleakala Hew Len. The vibrations within us project out and create images and dramas that are reflections of the energies within us. which will be different from the other 9 people. but without ever “treating” any of them. who are all uniquely experiencing parts of themselves as well. and is all made of the very same Essence. If it is in our life. have different conversations. PhD. That weekend was life-changing for me. Ho’oponopono is born out of the fact that all life is interconnected. big or small. I'll tell you about Ho’oponopono. it came from within us. For instance. . I met the woman who was the director of the ward at the time and she verified the following facts. 10 people could attend the same party and have 10 very unique experiences. and come away from the experience with 10 different sets of perceptions. we create every single thing that occurs in our life. He teaches an ancient Hawaiian tradition of forgiveness named Ho’oponopono. Let me first give you a little background on the Ho’oponopono perspective then I’ll show you how it can be valuable in learning how to forgive. He didn’t even meet with them. Dr. Each of those 10 people will experience parts of themselves at that party. Opening The Door To Forgiveness – Ho’oponopono I had the great honor to attend a weekend workshop with an amazing Hawaiian shaman named Dr. meet different people.

he ignored the boundaries we are all conditioned to falsely believe. day after day after day. He took total responsibility for whatever he saw that needed healing. and I love you.” “I love you. by focusing love on that condition.Instead of the usual psychological treatments. You and I are One with God and each other.” “I’m sorry for harboring separating thoughts that have created suffering for Us. I’m sorry. he studied each person’s chart.” As he focused on each person he said “Thank you. Dr. He then healed the part of himself that created their distress. Len practiced Ho’oponopono. From the perspective that there is really only one Being and it is Us. that there is some boundary between “me” and “you.” to them over and over again. “Thank you for bringing this part of myself into my awareness so that I can take responsibility for it and release it. Without meeting in person with the inmates. he looked within himself to see how he created that person's mental illness. This is the essence of Ho’oponopono and this is ALL he did.” . From this perspective.

The kind of thoughts that we think create reflections of that same vibration all around us. Basically. Yes. This means that when we see a politician or even a terrorist and we don’t like what we see. In order to change “them” we have to change our self. What we dominantly put our attention on manifests in our life. except as projections from inside us. As we learn how to forgive. This means every person that comes into our life experience as well as their actions. It couldn’t be in our life unless it was a vibrational match to something inside us. As you love everything you experience. Each of us creates the world that we live in. in a sense. you have to heal your life – and your life is you and everything IN your life. everything we see or hear or experience. In order to improve your own life. Total responsibility means that everything in our life is our responsibility. These “others” don't exist. in a manner of speaking. because your outer world is a projection of your inner world. what we are actually seeing is a part of our self and it is being shown to us to give us an opportunity to heal it.Total Responsibility Learning how to forgive is really about taking responsibility for our life in a far deeper and broader way than most of us have ever even considered. So. This is learning how to forgive. your world begins to change. it comes down to loving yourself as the You that is everything you see and experience. By the Law of Attraction. is here because they are a reflection of something within us. It is an ongoing process to fully accept and actually live from this perspective. nothing could be in our life unless we resonated with it in some way. this seems hard to grasp at first because it is so different from how we are conditioned to believe. The Results Of Ho’oponopono . whether we are conscious of it or not. our life automatically shifts into a more loving realm. The problem isn't with them because there is no “them” that is separate from us. we CREATE them. Everything.

I met them early on and liked them immediately. The heavy pull of the negative burdens the patients carried was far too overwhelming for any of the staff to endure long term. Len was there. using the Ho’oponopono technique. Len took responsibility for everything that was happening with each of his patients. A few months ago some new neighbors moved in next door. . For a beautiful and inspiring account of how one woman used Ho'oponopono for healing. They couldn’t even keep any potted plants on the ward because the energy was so toxic the plants died. gradually their shackles were removed because they were no longer a threat. big changes happened. The inmates got better and better and the staff stabilized and began to enjoy their jobs. or visit. It demonstrates the power of forgiveness. Eventually they closed the ward because all the patients were released! All of this came as a result of one man who was dedicated to learning how to forgive. please read her letter in the right column of this page.As Dr. He worked on how to forgive them as himself. However. Before Dr. in the four years Dr. Medications were gradually reduced. staff turnover was outrageously high because it was such a dreary place to live. only a few feet from my office window. Recently there were a number of occasions when the dogs were outside and one of them barked for hours. work in. Len joined the Hawaii State Hospital. They also have two large dogs in their family. then eliminated. As patients that had to be shackled began to heal. A Personal Example On How To Forgive After I began writing this article something happened that provided me an opportunity to practice what I’m sharing here. they each improved! Basically he worked on himself and they changed because they are a reflection of him.

their home. Understandably. my home. but not consistent enough or long enough so it didn’t fully clear. Actually. I knew how to forgive – it was time to finally do it! I sat down.” I kept on until it was about 50% love and 50% wanting to be right. I repeated again and again. I amaze myself sometimes at how long I’ll hold onto something that causes me intense pain. our yards. After the second day of feeling miserable. and put aside the fact that I know how to forgive. A few weeks later the barking went on for hours once again. I spoke to the woman on the phone and all the unhealed energy in me came to the fore as anger. and love. Then it was about 60% love and 40% wanting to be right. dysfunctional and inept. closed my eyes and blazed all the love and light I could visualize into me. the part that was the most painful was the judgment I aimed at myself for losing my temper. I saw the love in their small children’s eyes. I’m sorry. The man answered the door with so much love in his eyes and immediately began apologizing to me for the dogs. I felt absolutely high with joy. I was caught up in the events of my life at the time. she became very defensive. I bought them a package of chocolates. Then I knocked on their door. But at that point my desire for peace was much stronger than my desire to be “right. then wrote up a card for them. still wanting to make them wrong. I didn’t fully take care of it energetically inside me. I kept at it. and I even felt love for the dogs wagging their tails at me through the sliding glass door on the back porch. their dogs. I felt sick for a couple of days over it. with my peace offering. them. before I could even say anything.” At first I could feel myself resisting my own words. While we talked. for about an hour.Irritation developed into anger and alas. I had had enough. and the space around us. “Thank you. apologizing and showing my willingness to come to peace with them. and I love you. I did some Ho’oponopono with it. until I was so flooded with love I wanted to run over to their house and apologize. It was extremely uncomfortable for both of us. . relief.

Whew! I still feel tremendous love for them. I healed the place in me that held that particular pocket of chaos.The next day the woman called me and thanked me and then the following day she left a package of cookies and a hand-made heart shaped card. I couldn’t seem to let go of the “I’m right and you’re wrong” energy. and at idle times during the day. We need to be kind and forgiving with ourselves as we keep at this process. I feel warmth and comfort just knowing they are there. over the course of a few days I noticed that even though I still felt a fair amount of negativity toward them. In learning how to forgive myself and them. Even If You Don't “Mean It” At First Still Do It And Your Willingness Will Increase A wonderful thing I’ve discovered in learning how to forgive is that this Ho'oponopono technique works even if I resist doing it at first. and I love you” to them over and over again. I was now willing to let go of the grudge. ever since that meditation I have not heard their dogs. then silence. I’m sorry. except for one quick bark. during my meditations. Gradually. And. Even so. When I first learned this technique I began using it with someone who I had a long-standing grudge against. Whenever I hear sounds coming from their house. I began saying “thank you. I continued on with the process and after a month or so I had a healing experience in meditation: . not expecting to heal deep wounds all at once. expressing how sorry she was. I am no longer projecting that particular energy out into the world and recreating the same negative scenario. It is important to remember that sometimes long-standing issues need to be healed in layers. We just have to be willing to do it. It was very painful to continue to carry the negative energy toward them. and wishes for a harmonious New Year together in our beautiful neighborhood that we share. It is really quite miraculous how this works! We just have to remember that we DO know how to forgive.

I did some healing work with a medical intuitive who taught me another aspect of Ho’oponopono about how to forgive. I experienced myself “globally.” as being the whole body. eventually I was able to completely release all my negativity toward them. yet at the same time I could feel myself as the person called “Kai” as well as the person who was the other hand.” melts that illusion. I forgive you. I think this is the reason this works. Barriers seem to melt and the underlying truth of connection with the person shows itself. Releasing Negative Bonds After my workshop on Ho’oponopono. Forgiveness Disengages The Ego As you begin practicing Ho'oponopono. I love you. you'll probably notice that your investment in being right and separating from the other person gets dismantled. I’m sorry. Holding back love creates the illusion of separation. During that session I learned that there were was an energetic chord that connected me to a person I was in conflict with. I traveled all over the body and came upon the hand on the other side of the body and that hand was this person I had been wanting healing with. As I was doing this I said to the person I was releasing the chord from: “I release you to your wholeness. At the core. no matter what any of us has done. With continuing to forgive this person. I became aware of it in my body then pulled it out using an energy cleansing technique. In this case it was belly-tobelly because it was a power struggle.I was a hand on a huge body. . We were quite literally all the same thing. Then saying “Thank you. there is no separation between any of us.

” Whew! Repeating these words released the negativity on a much deeper level and I saw light in my inner vision. I give you permission to forgive me. it means that your heart really is wanting to learn how to forgive.I forgive myself. As you're learning how to forgive. it will be. In other cases. Doing this unlocks chains that guard and constrict our own hearts. our own love. there may be more than one chord to pull out. In some cases a negative bond may be quite strong and you’ll need to repeat this process more than once. I recommend saying the forgiveness words (in the paragraph with the rainbows above) as you’re doing this. the person’s energy may be entwined with yours and you’ll need to roll them out of you. it will color your thoughts. I love you. When we remember that this Ho’oponopono tool is available to us. I’m sorry. As stated before. we can say “Thank you. it’s okay if your heart isn’t totally into forgiving someone at first. If you feel moved to do the exercise at all. but since the negative energy is there. In still other situations. I give you permission to forgive yourself. Actually it ends up being the same thing. It is very effective. In all of these cases. It stifles joy and love. If we hold a negative judgment against ourselves it is like trying to live in a strait jacket. This releases self-judgment. Self-Forgiveness Is Critical I mentioned before that learning to forgive and love yourself is as important as forgiving another person. I guarantee you that if you stay with repeating the words anyway.” directly to ourselves – to the thought form of self-judgment itself. revealing the love that is always underneath as we learn more about how to forgive. Just keep at it and you’ll release the energy. as you begin the words. .

” repeating it until you feel love for that person. If you are a group facilitator. It will clear whatever is on the surface of the group. I’ve noticed that after I do this I see much more evidence of love in the world. If we hold negativity for someone else. By healing ourselves. Just envision the planet and say “Thank you. I firmly believe that THIS is a way to heal our planet. by learning how to forgive. I’ve used this technique before potentially “sticky” meetings and have been delighted to see how smoothly things went.” It is all us. so that by the time you meet together. I hear reports of selfless people working for harmony. A Course In Miracles – Happiness Only Comes From Releasing Grievances and Learning How To Forgive After learning how to forgive with the Ho'oponopono technique. or anyone to whom we feel resistance. We can also practice this when we see a politician on TV. you can more quickly get down to the purpose of your meeting. focusing on each person at a time and silently say “Thank you. What keeps us creating suffering for ourselves is that we decline to take responsibility for our own lives and then try to project blame onto someone else. I was able to unwind a lot of trauma in my life. It reminds us that they are not separate from me and that our resistance is our own responsibility to heal. I love you. we create . we heal our world. I love you. Go down your list of registered participants. However. WE are the ones who hurt from it. The fact is there isn’t a “someone else.How To Forgive And Bring Harmony To Groups A powerful way to bring a group into harmony is to practice Ho’oponopono at a gathering. you can also do this before your meeting. Everything that happens to us is a reflection of our own mind. focusing on them individually and saying the words until you feel love. I’m sorry.” Keep repeating it until you feel love permeating your being. This is a powerful thing we can do together for our planet and all of us beings on it as a whole. Just look around the room. it wasn't until I started reading and practicing what I learned from The Disappearance Of The Universe and A Course In Miracles that I was able to release the deeper grievances that I didn't even fully realize were there. clearly and lovingly explains the fact that the only way it is possible for us to be happy is to learn how to forgive. A Course In Miracles thoroughly. I’m sorry. Therefore.

I invite you to try this easy. usually unconsciously. . and to give you an experience of the truth of the power of learning how to forgive. For more information about this. This realization is essential before we can fully learn how to forgive.and design everything that has happened to us. we can’t blame someone else for our lives. Once we realize this. yet powerful Forgiveness Meditation.

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