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Ninja health & safety

SHURIKEN, swords, and other piercing
weapons should NOT be wielded near sensitive computer equipment, computer screens, water coolers, or custodial staff.


Keep NOISE to a minimum. Whenever possible, AVOID use of the following in open-plan offices:

A. Computer and/or telephone speakers B. Loud or distracting cellphone ringtones C. Slow and/or painful killing methods
In case of emergency, keep CORRIDORS and busy aisles clear. DO NOT block designated fire exits with electronic equipment, paper or office supplies, furniture, weapon stockpiles, or dead bodies.


NUNCHAKU (nunchucks) should NOT be used in bathrooms, cubicles, or supply closets.
Use BREAKROOMS only to prepare meals and refreshments, not homebrew poisons. NEVER use the coffee machine to boil toads or mushrooms without written permission.

Unless absolutely unavoidable, resolve


only outside the building. Time slots can be booked through the Ninja Resources office.

Management is always right: safe and tidy wins the fight! Remember GNAT in all you do. Your ninja skills will see you through!

Good Ninja Always Tidy
Copyright ©2009 Ninjalistics. Created by Andrew Fitzpatrick. Ninjalistics is your leading provider of ISO 9000-compliant corporate espionage and assassination services. For further guidance to the corporate ninja workplace, visit our site: