THE FITTING A play by Elizabeth Breed SCENE The fitting room.

Chesty is standing in the middle, with Brinne with a measuring tape and Mary Grace observing. BRINNE Alright, so when was the last time you were fitted for a bra? CHESTY Well, it’s been a while, but I used to do what you do, so I’m a professional. I remeasure myself all the time. I just came in to see if you were right. BRINNE Of course you did. So, this Mary Grace, she’s new here, just getting her certification. You don’t mind if she observes, do you? CHESTY Is she gonna stare? MARY GRACE No, ma’am. I’ll just be over here. BRINNE She may have a couple of questions, if that’s alright with you. CHESTY I guess. Now, do I have to take my shirt off? BRINNE Yes, ma’am. Otherwise we can’t get a proper reading. CHESTY Damn it, I don’t know why they haven’t invented a way to get a bra fit without having to get butt ass naked. BRINNE You can leave your bra on for now.

CHESTY I guess. BRINNE Now, I’m just going to measure you around your rib cage. CHESTY I know what I am. I’m a 40C. BRINNE A 40C? CHESTY That’s what Vicky’s Secret said, and that’s what I measured. BRINNE Well, no offense ma’am... I don’t think that’s what you are. Let’s just get you measured... CHESTY You keep calling me ma’am... i don’t like being called ma’am. Makes me feel old. BRINNE I’m sorry ma’am... CHESTY Ah, ah, ah. Call me Chesty. BRINNE I’m sorry? CHESTY Christy... call me Christy. BRINNE Yes, ma... Christy. So I got the measurement. I’ll be right back with some bras just to determine fit. We use our fit bras to figure out your best cup sizes. CHESTY Now, I don’t want no granny bras. Are these ugly?

BRINNE Well, they are more full coverage bras, but again... they’re just for fit. I’ll go grab some different sizes. I’ll be back. Brinne is gone. CHESTY So, how long have you been working here? MARY GRACE A little over... two hours. CHESTY Two hours? How you liking your first day so far? MARY GRACE It’s ok. Everyone here is really nice. CHESTY You must get a lot of snooty people in here, working at a high class place like this. MARY GRACE I haven’t really noticed. CHESTY You are so lucky that I’m a really nice person. Not like those other bitches... and I like your outfit. So modest. MARY GRACE That’s what I was looking for. CHESTY These days, you see so many of these little whores walking around in tight skirts and boobie-shirts, but I’m so happy that you’re not one of them. MARY GRACE Thank you, ma’am. CHESTY Now, you need to stop that! I’m not old!

Brinne reenters. BRINNE All right, here we go. Got some bras for you. CHESTY Those are granny bras. They’re ugly I don’t like them. Take them back. Why on earth would you bring me granny bras? BRINNE Again, they are just for fit purposes. We’ll try these on, see how they fit, and then we can bring you some bras that are more your taste. Does that sound ok? CHESTY Fine. Do I have to take off my shirt? BRINNE Yes, if you could face the wall for me, I’ll unfasten your bra, and you’ll slip this first one on for me. They do. CHESTY Hrm... this feels weird. BRINNE What feels weird about it? CHESTY I dunno... it’s so big. BRINNE It is fitting you nicely. You don’t want your band to be too big, because it won’t give you adequate support. And here... you see how your underwire is completely behind your tissue. That’s good, we want that. CHESTY Tissue? BRINNE Yes...

CHESTY What’s tissue? I don’t stuff my bra, dearie. BRINNE Oh, no... I wasn’t implying that... CHESTY What kind of girl do you think I am? BRINNE Your breast tissue. CHESTY My what? BRINNE Your... your boobs. CHESTY Oh... right. Makes sense. BRINNE And we don’t want any of the tissue popping out through the top... CHESTY Why do you say “tissue” and not just boobs? BRINNE Well... CHESTY I mean, it’s not like my tits are gonna be offended if you call them. “boobies” or anything. BRINNE It’s a more technical term, I think. CHESTY I said tits, didn’t I?

BRINNE Yes, you did. CHESTY I offended you, didn’t I? MARY GRACE No. You didn’t. CHESTY You got all tense. I’m sorry about that. BRINNE Anyways... I think this bra looks great on you. A perfect fit. Do you see, M.G.? Have any questions? MARY GRACE No, I think I’ve got it. CHESTY Now this bra is a granny bra. BRINNE We’ll bring you a bra that fits to your liking, but right now this is the best fit for you. How does it feel? CHESTY I guess it feels very supportive. Not too saggy. It feels pretty nice. Oh, these lines though... BRINNE You may see them through your top, depending on the shirt, but overall it’s going to give you a much more flattering silhouette. CHESTY Now, what size is this? A 40C? BRINNE No... actually, ma’am... CHESTY

What’d I say about calling me “ma’am”? BRINNE I’m sorry. This is a 34DDD. CHESTY A what? BRINNE A 34DDD. CHESTY I got fat? BRINNE What? No... CHESTY I got fatter. My cup sizes are huge! Are you sure you measured right? BRINNE Yes, I did... you just said that the bra felt nice. CHESTY I can’t go back to my husband and tell him about this size! He’s gonna think I’m a fat cow! BRINNE No, but see... your band size went down, that indicates that you may have actually lost weight. CHESTY But these huge tits make me look all chubby! My baby will never accept this! You’re wrong, this isn’t my size. Bring me a different size. BRINNE If you’re uncomfortable, I’m sure we can... CHESTY You’re goddamned right that I’m uncomfortable. You put me in a faulty size. I want a new fitting, and you’re going to put me in no more than a D cup.

BRINNE But, that really wouldn’t fit. You’d be very uncomfortable... CHESTY Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. You obviously have no idea what you’re talking about. I know my size, and this definitely isn’t it. I mean, I look like a grandmother. BRINNE Again, we have different, sexier bras we can show you that more meet... CHESTY Don’t even bother. I can’t believe I got fat! Chesty suddenly begins crying. Not just crying. Sobbing. Brinne looks to Mary Grace on what to do. MARY GRACE I think you look very nice. Maybe you should put your shirt on. CHESTY I’m a fat slob cow and my husbands not going to love me anymore! MARY GRACE Just put your shirt on, and you’ll see how nice you look with your new bra! CHESTY I’m not even a mother yet and I look like a grandma! This is the worst day ever! MARY GRACE Please, just put your top on. I’m sure you’ll look great. Chesty hesitantly does. CHESTY Oh, my. MARY GRACE See? CHESTY I look great.

BRINNE And do you see how slender you look right here. She motioned to the part just underneath the breasts, on the upper torso. CHESTY Oh, this is nice. BRINNE You can’t always judge how a bra truly look until you try it on with a shirt. CHESTY This is nice. This is really nice. I’m sorry I’m such a big baby. I should’ve trusted you! After all, you are the expert. BRINNE Thank you, ma’am. CHESTY However dear, if you call me “ma’am” one more time, I’m gonna half to walk right out of here and not buy a damn thing. BRINNE Understood. CHESTY So, does this come in any other colors? Nude? I’ll take four, please. Brinne smiles at Mary Grace as: LIGHTS FADE.