Where's Mom? TODD Is my head going to swell up? TOM What?! JEANIE OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!! MOTHER (JOYCE) (screams) TOM! The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP. TODD What's that? KIMBERLY Wait! Hold still! TODD What?! KIMBERLY You heads starting to swell up!! Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the hallway. A door open. TOM (breathless) What's the matter? JOYCE (worried) It's Ferris! TOM What's wrong? JOYCE (snaps) What's wrong? For Christ's sake! Look at him! 2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA. His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side. 3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties. Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed 3 2

for work. TOM Ferris? JOYCE He doesn't have a fever. But he says his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots. 4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS His lifeless eyes blink. 5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead. TOM What's the matter, Ferris? JOYCE Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy. Tom takes one of Ferris' hands. TOM (discreetly) Should you call the doctor? JOYCE (whispers) He doesn't want me to. TOM Why don't you want Mom to call the doctor? Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can manage is a choked gasp. TOM What? Ferris tries again. FERRIS (raspy) Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up. He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down. FERRIS I have a test today. I have to take it. I want to get into a good college so I can have a fruitful life... JOYCE You're not going to school like this. (to Tom) Maybe I should call the office and 5 4

Be thankful that you're fit and have your health. A major pill. Cherish it. She's dressed for school. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. Jeanie. It's so unfair. Ferris. What's this? What's his problem? JOYCE He doesn't feel well. If I was bleeding out my eyes. I feel perfectly. Jeanie. Jeanie. walks into the room. She's cute and stuck-up. FERRIS Please don't be upset with me. JEANIE (angry. fine. JEANIE (to herself) Oh. Get to school. you guys'd make me go to school. Ferris' brother. His older sister. His body stiffens and he chokes. TOM That's enough.. JEAN Yeah. Jeanie? JEANIE Pucker up and squat. JEANIE You're not falling for this. Mom. KIMBERLY peek into the room. JEANIE. I wanna puke. defeated) You're really letting him stay home? I can't believe this. JOYCE (annoyed) Thank you. She slips out of the room. JEAN Oh. Dry that one out and you can fertilize the lawn. God! He's gripped by a seizure. TODD and sister.Oh.. are you? Tell me you're not falling for this. KIMBERLY Myocardial infarction? JOYCE . FERRIS I'm okay.tell them I won't be in. right. She glares at Ferris. FERRIS Is that Jeanie? I can't see that far.

Daddy'll be right down. JOYCE (to Ferris) I'm showing houses to the family from California today but I'll be in the area.. if you need me. caring parents. too. FERRIS 6 . KIMBERLY (OC) A WATERMELON! TODD (yells out the room) Shut-up! JOYCE Get downstairs! NOW! Todd backs out of the room. TOM I'll check it with you.. Maybe I'll have an aspirin around noon. You're both very special people. I'll just sleep. She turns sharply and exits. KIMBERLY Syphilitic meningitus? That would be a huge family embarrassment. I got dibs on his stereo. TODD (worried) Dad? Does my head look alright? JOYCE Get downstairs! Now! TODD Just answer me one question! Is it swelling up? Kim said it was going to get as big as. My office'll know where I am. TOM Get downstairs! KIMBERLY If he dies. FERRIS It's nice to know I have such loving. FERRIS I'll be okay.Get your stuff. 6 CU.

JOYCE She strokes Ferris' hair. The lock clicks. sweetie. They close the door. pumpkin. little smile crawls across his lips. A sly. TOM Get some rest. It's physical evidence of illness. BEDROOM Ferris yanks open the drapes. TOM (OC) Call if you need us. JOYCE (OC) We love you. You get a nervous mother and you end up in a doctor's office 10 9 8 7 . FERRIS Parents always fall for the clammy hands. BEDROOM. (looks out the window) What a beautiful day! He turns from the window.He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids. non-specific symptom. The MTV logo is playing. hundred and two. She leans down and kisses his forehead. His glassy eyes follow his parents to the door. FERRIS Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. The pall of the sickroom disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight. JOYCE I hope you feel better. 10 INT. FERRIS They bought it. 8 CU. Ferris' eyes shift from the door to CAMERA. FERRIS Ferris lets out a wheeze. 9 CU. It's a good. TV SCREEN The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. Tom pats his shoulder. And to make them work you have to go a hundred and one. The MTV theme music ROARS IN. Parents are generally pretty hip to the fever scams. 7 INT.

just lick your palms. He steps into the shower. So. I'm probably going to to barf up a lung. I don't plan to be European. He turns on the shower water. He exits into the hallway. FERRIS That I care about it was. This If I have must FERRIS is my ninth sick day with semester. I mean. moaning and wailing. Through the pebbled glass of the shower door we see Ferris' outline. It's littered with Jean's debris. FERRIS I don't care if you're fifty five or seven. How can I be expected to handle high school? He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. He pops up. So. A NEW SONG begins. It's a beautiful day. SHOWER STALL. 11 INT. FERRIS I do actually have a test. 12 11 . It's a little stupid and childish but then so if high school. I absolutely make this one count. who gives a shit if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists and it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car.and that's worse than school. That wasn't bullshit. really. BATHROOM Ferris walks into the bathroom. FERRIS It's on European socialism. everybody needs a day off now and then. FERRIS Fake a stomach cramp and when you're doubled over. go for ten. Right? He equalizes the sound a little. BATHROOM. Ferris' hair is standing straight up. Inside the shower. It's moulded into a fin with shampoo. He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV broadcast. 12 INT. What's the point? I'm not European.

Two weeks. he was the Walrus. Just like that. FERRIS I could be the Walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off people. He's drying his hair with another of a different color. He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it. BABY. 13 INT. John Lennon said it on his first solo album. "Isms"." A good point there. in my opinion are not good. So I said. 14 13 . TWIST AND SHOUT. He should believe in himself.. It took you twenty years to find out you don't believe in anything?" (snaps his fingers) Grounded. BEDROOM Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed.He turns the shower head around and uses it like a microphone. "What's the deal. I just believe in me. He opens his door. LATER Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. FERRIS (sings) WELL SHAKE IT UP. right? On the Fourth of July he was down with my aunt and he got drunk and told my Dad he felt guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam. "I don't believe in Beatles. FERRIS Not that I condone fascism. 14 INT. Uncle Jeff? In wartime you want to be a pacifist and in peacetime you want to be a soldier. A person should not believe in an "ism". (pause) Be careful when you deal with old hippies. FERRIS (OC) I'm not very political? Let me put that into perspective. HALLWAY. He passes CAMERA and goes into his room.. They can be real touchy.. Or and "isms".. FERRIS My uncle went to Canada to protest the war. Afterall.

I always felt for Garth. Mainly his older brother. He opens his underwear drawer. It's sad but I don't hold it against her. She only puts out so people will hang out with her. Alot of fights with the parents on that point. if I was him.15 INT. It isn't his fault that his brother's screwed-up. which is complete bullshit. Better to hold it against the guys who use her and don't care about her. FERRIS My mother was a hippie. 16 . (pause) My parents never allowed Garth over here. Not a bad guy. I do what I can for him. . I'm probably his only friend. I'd appreciate it. But Garth isn't his brother. It'll probably be mine. There's an old model of a submarine on the top of the dresser. she hears memories. Do unto others. FERRIS In eighth grade a friend of mine made a bong out of one of these. I could see them not wanting his brother here because he is a registered psycho. I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of artificial fruit just so he could see what it was like to have his stomach pumped. 15 16 INT. He picks it up. too. Nostalgia is her favorite drug. "Nothing". FERRIS His name is Garth Volbeck. I asked him what was wrong and he said. I hope not. I was sleeping at his house once and I was laying on the dark worrying that his brother was going to come in and hack me to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying. He steps back from the closet and puts it on. right? Anyway. I wouldn't want him here. CLOSET The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts. Nothing was wrong. He drops the towel. He finds a shirt he likes.. The smoke tasted like glue. I mean. It was because of his family. If she listens to the White Album now? She doesn't hear music. He's in jail. There was no specific thing he was crying about. He's a serious outsider. BEDROOM He walks across the room to his dresser. His father's dead and his sister's rumored to be a prostitute. his mother owns a gas station. He gets dressed as he speaks. I like him.. But she lost it. He pulls out a pair of underwear. She got old.

Garth doesn't need his brother to give him a rep anymore. He just cried himself to sleep every night. I myself have ditched and gotten so bored I did homework. TV and food. His legacy is a gas station. He's eighteen. Figure that shit out. HOUSE. FERRIS You have to plan things out before you take the day off. He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice. Alot of people ditch and feel great for about an hour. now my parents have a legit argument. He doesn't like what he's wearing. FERRIS Unfortunately. It was a habit. Gone from school. The guy's so conditioned to grief that if he doesn't feel it. He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet door. He continues his speech as he disrobes. Otherwise you get all nervous worrying about what to do and all you get is grief and the whole point is to take it easy. 17 INT. FERRIS One very serious danger is playing sick is that it's possible to believe your own act. Then they realize there's nothing to do. cut loose and enjoy. STAIRCASE Ferris comes down the stairs. KITCHEN Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the refrigerator. he wasn't really even aware that he was crying. He's wearing a completely different outfit. He crosses to the pantry. He's lost.In fact. He's getting one on his own. he can't sleep. FERRIS That and boredom. they do feel for him but still the guy's banned from our house. 18 INT. FERRIS 18 17 . Gone from life. How could you possibly dump on guy who has to deal with that kinda shit? My parents acknowledge the trudge of the situation and I'm sure that deep down. It's over for him.

A high school boy.no. He sets it in his lap. 19 INT. is laying in bed.You blow your day and at about three o'clock. And it's not always recognized. A prime house in a prime location. dreary sick room. CAMERON FRYE. We don't see his face. FERRIS There's alot of pressure at work in my age group. CAMERON Food. "This kid's young and strong and has a full. A telephone rings OVER. BOY'S BEDROOM It's a dark. Shades drawn. 23 22 21 20 19 . He reaches over and picks up the telephone. he looks at someone like me and thinks...yes. 21 INT.. PHONE He punches out a number. Plan your day. FERRIS That's just one reason why I need a day off every now and then. 22 EXT.. modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. FAMILY ROOM Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair. when everybody's out of school.. Do it right. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY is playing..shelter. you're going to wish you'd gone to school so you could be out having fun. what's he got to bitch about?" 20 CU.. FAMILY ROOM. only a silhouette with a thermometer sticking out his mouth. floor strewn with used tissues. rich future ahead of him.. FERRIS He remote controls the TV on. FERRIS Avoid the misery. ANOTHER HOUSE A sleek. FERRIS Some guy whose hair is falling out and his stomach's hanging over his belt and everything he eats makes him fart. He's mumbling random words. nightstand a still-life of over the counter remedies. He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos. 23 INT.

24 INT. CAMERON (weak) Hello? FERRIS' VOICE Cameron! What's happening? CAMERON Very little. CAMERON I'm dying. I'm sick. Where are you? FERRIS' VOICE Home. Ferris. Come on over. I can't go anywhere.The phone rings. Ferris disconnects. come on over and pick me up. Now. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry to hear that. 25 24 . CAMERON'S VOICE I can't. Cameron slowly hangs up the phone. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker phone button. FERRIS It's all in your head. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS' VOICE Is your mother in the room? Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth. FERRIS' VOICE How do you feel? CAMERON Shredded. 25 INT. Get dressed and come over. CAMERON I feel like complete shit. CAMERON'S ROOM Cameron's insistant. FERRIS Ferris is sprawled out in the chair. FERRIS I'm taking the day off. CAMERON She's not home.

FERRIS If anybody needs a day off. You just can't think of anything good to do. HALLWAY We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. 26 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM Ferris hangs up. The boy cannot relax.. rotting Air Jordans. He can't be wound this tight and go to college. Cameron hits the speaker button.. SCHOOL. CAMERA enters a classroom. A shoe's POV. He's a little easier to take when you know why he's like he is. GIRL'S VOICE Here. TEACHER'S VOICE Anderson. FERRIS' VOICE You're not dying. TEACHER'S VOICE Albers? BOY'S VOICE Here. scuffed heels. TEACHER'S VOICE Anheiser? BOY'S VOICE Here. It travels past a teacher's Hush Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow Reebocks. it's Cameron. 27 INT. in two weeks you'd have a diamond. (after-thought) And Cameron would worry that he'd owe taxes on it. pristine loafers. His roommate'll kill him. Pardon by French but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass. I've come close myself. He has alot of things to sort out before he graduates.The phone rings again. But I like him. TEACHER'S VOICE Busch? GIRL'S VOICE 27 26 .

Here. TV The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws Humongous back in his seat. 28 CU. He's wearing a hockey mash. FAMILY ROOM. CU. FERRIS He throws himself back against the chair. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? GIRL'S VOICE He's sick. (pause) My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out at 31 Flavors last night. TV Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that it's empty. FERRIS He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war wagon. 28 . TEACHER'S VOICE (weary) Thank you. I guess it's pretty serious. TV THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. TEACHER'S VOICE Drucker? BOY'S VOICE What? WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD. He gives it a twist. CU. He's steering. Simone. The big chase at the end. He reaches down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve. INT. GIRL'S VOICE (cheery) No problem whatsoever. CU.

FERRIS Financing my activities this way. Petite pink flowers. braced for collision. records. FERRIS He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high speed ride. He holds up a twenty and snaps it. 29 CU. Clothes everywhere. hey. I'm broke. TV The was wagon hurtles down the road. CU. A flowering crabtree branch. TV IMPACT! MOZART COMES UP. I'll pay it back. CU. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE ROOM. you should not alientate them. head thrown back. With interest. books. make-up. CU. He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill. It's Jeanie's room. how gross they act or how wicked and insensitive they can be. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH Outside a bedroom window. He comes up with a five. Very damaging to the self-image. Ferris is sitting on her bed going through a purse. A pink and powder blue pig pen. CU. FERRIS This is really degrading. Because most likely they have cash and it's usually very easy to get your hands on. But.CU. In times of crisis one must to what one must to. TV The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the tanker truck. FERRIS Regardless of how much shit sisters make you eat. FERRIS Arms outstretched. how often they rat on you. FERRIS He rears back in horror. CU. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY" 29 .

COMES UP. A hand peels the bills off the backing. SNOOPY BANK It's being shaken furiously. 34 CU. 39 INT. 30 INT. SOFA Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice. He closes the door. His face lights up as he counts out the cash. LIVING ROOM The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions. FLOOR AND BED 40 39 38 37 36 35 34 33 32 31 30 . A squirt gun. hard. 36 CU. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth. KITCHEN DRAWER Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. bleached singles that have gone through the wash lay on top of the washer. Another crumpled bill surfaces. 32 CU. CU. Mint proof set. COIN COLLECTION The familiar blue collector's album.S. dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the floor. 40 CU. 31 INT. HALL CLOSET The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets of the coats. PARENTS' BEDROOM Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. the quarters are being popped out of their slots. One-by-one. new five. Then a modest wad of bills. BIRTHDAY CARD It's a child's card. a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. VACCUUM CLEANER The dusty. A ten. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp. Locating a dollar bill. A screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and pops them apart. A roll of Tums. 35 CU. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET An obvious gift from a grandparent. 37 CU. WASHING MACHINE TOP A couple of stiff. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. A hand scoops them up. A U. 38 CU. 33 CU.

Her eyes open wide with alarm. my God. HIGH SCHOOL A modern. I'm so sorry. a charred doll's head. She take the call. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. 41 CU. JOYCE Oh. AGENT 1 Mrs. Let's be realistic. Not even those jerks from Vermont. JOYCE Joyce Bueller. Across from her are two WOMEN. OFFICE Joyce is behind a desk. finally. The SONG ENDS. An awl is driven in between the door and the jamb. It pries the door open. 43 CU. KITCHEN Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter. 48 EXT. MORNING A suburban realty company. His arm reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed. KITCHEN Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table. 44 INT. 47 INT. TABLE LEG Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used to balance the table. I completely forgot to call. A cute little building in town. FERRIS' BED A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. Inside are trading cards. Volbeck's dead set against putting any money into the house. a five dollar bill.Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. They're also real estate agents. BANK It's on a work bench. JOYCE No one's going to consider a house with a black living room. 48 47 46 45 44 43 42 41 . 45 CU. suburban high school. 46 EXT. 42 INT. Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. a Zippo lighter and.

Moderately priced dress shoes. OFFICE. JOYCE'S VOICE Yes. ROONEY. DEAN'S VOICE Are you also aware that Ferris does not have what we consider an exemplary attendance record? 51 INT. I am. Behind him is a computer terminal. COMPUTER MONITOR The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records. The dean's feet are up on the desk. clean and straight as an I-beam. I had a meeting first thing this morning. He's toying with a pencil. JOYCE'S VOICE This is all news to me. EDWARD R. CU. 50 INT. neatly combed hair. We hear the dean inside the office. DESK SIGN It reads. INT. HALLWAY It's a passing period. JOYCE'S VOICE I don't understand. It completely slipped my mind. ROONEY If Ferris thinks he coast this last month and still graduate.MAN'S VOICE Are you aware that your son is not in school today? 49 INT. The hall is clogged with students. 51 50 49 . DEAN'S VOICE I just had his file up. CU. He's tough. CU. He removes his feet from the desk and turns in his swivel chair. Short. suit and tie. behind the sign. Bueller. He's confident to the point of arrogance. SCHOOL. I should have called. Ferris is home sick. DEAN'S OFFICE. Mrs. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. ROONEY I just has his file up. DEAN ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. SCHOOL. he's sorely mistaken. DEAD OF STUDENTS.

He reads off the screen. he's been absent nine times. 52 INT. very ill. in fact. FERRIS I wanted a car. CU. JOYCE'S VOICE Nine times? Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a number 2. he's truly a very sick boy. OFFICE Rooney turns to the monitor. JOYCE'S OFFICE She's still on the phone with Rooney. INT.ROONEY'S VOICE So far this semester alone.. He's playing. He looks closer at the screen. LED METERS The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone. JOYCE I can give you every assurance that Ferris is home and that he is. SOLO GUITAR. I debated whether or not I should even leave him. FERRIS' BEDROOM MUSIC BLASTS. SPEAKER The grille cloth is throbbing. I got a computer. ROONEY I have it right here in front of me. He's missed. He has his record up on the screen. TV MONITOR We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck. Including today. but in Ferris' case. 54 53 52 . I can appreciate that at this time of year children are prone to taking the day off. FERRIS' ROOM Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. 54 INT. CU. How's that for being born under a bad sign? 53 INT.. CU.

(point to the phone) Freshman.CU. SCHOOL. Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment. JEANIE Who said he's sick. She kicks her locker shut. HALLWAY 58 57 56 55 . 56 INT. GIRL No. SCHOOL. A GIRLFRIEND comes up to her. HALLWAY Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. I mean I heard he's really sick. He sighs deeply and fall back on the bed. I'm bricking heavily. FERRIS' ROOM He's in bed on the phone. man. GIRL A whole bunch of people. FERRIS A sample of my blood was sent to Atlanta to the Center for Disease Control. (to the phone) Did you see Alien? When the guy had the creature in his stomach? It feels like that. GIRL I'm really sorry about your brother. JEANIE What're you sorry for? I have to live with the trouser snake. I don't know. CAMERON'S ROOM He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. VIDEO CAMERA A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape. GIRL This guy in my biology class said that if Ferris dies he's giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's really sweet isn't he? She smiles and exits. 55 INT. They said he's like on the verge of death. Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl. 57 INT. 58 INT.

Hold on. sure. SECOND BOY (to Third Boy) Shit. BOY Anyway. The boy snatches a passing GIRL. BOY Goddamn! Are you kidding? SECOND BOY What? BOY Did you see Alien? SECOND BOY No. why? He hands her the phone. We gotta split. You know him? THIRD BOY (excited) Yeah. GIRL Hello? (pause) Who? (pause) . THIRD BOY (to the Second Boy) Who's he talking to? SECOND BOY Ferris Bueller. no.A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. I appreciate you letting us know how you're doing. BOY Did you see Alien? GIRL Yeah. He's really wasted.. (pause) Huh?. He's getting me out of summer school. BOY Oh.. BOY You never rented the video cassette? Second boy shakes his head. A couple of his BUDDIES are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news.Yeah. I can't handle summer school. I hope he doesn't die.

ROONEY I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him! SECRETARY With your bad knee. ROONEY What's so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is that he gives the good kids bad ideas. Sportos. pinheads. you better not throw anybody. 60 EXT. Ferris. geeks. wonkers. dweebies. Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile. 61 INT. they all adore him. You sounded like Dirty Harry just now. SECRETARY (impressed) Ooo.Hi. The last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. motorheads. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. Ed. my God! You're dying? Is it serious? (pause) Shiit! Are you upset? 59 INT. FERRIS' ROOM He's on the telephone. richies. To show these kids that the example he sets is a first class ticket to nowhere. Rooney stares at her for a long beat. SECRETARY He's very popular. sluts. How's your bod? (jaw drops) Oh. ROONEY That's exactly why I have to catch him this time. Ed. His SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder. A florist's truck drives past the house. FERRIS' HOUSE It's a glorious late spring day. ROONEY Really? He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint. As he speaks he does a little 61 60 59 .

TOM'S VOICE Ferris? 65 INT. making me wait around the house for you. FERRIS You want to stay home and try to have the shits? Try to barf? Try to feel worse? CAMERON'S VOICE I don't have to try. He clears his throat and answers the second line. A Modigliani nude. CAMERON I'm sick. This is bullshit. I got another call. He sounds like he's on his last breath. I feel like shit. we'd be surfing. Take some Pepto Bismol and get dressed. OFFICE BUILDING. FERRIS' ROOM He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness. FERRIS Cameron. Why can't you leave me alone? FERRIS' VOICE You're not up for some good times? It's a beautiful day. FERRIS Squeeze you buns for a second. The other phone line rings. FERRIS Be a man. You're boring me with this stuff. It's almost summer. 62 INT. you can find a new best friend. man. if you're not over here in fifteen minutes. TOM'S OFFICE 65 64 63 62 . CAMERON'S BEDROOM Cameron's back in bed. He puts Cameron on hold.MacPainting on his MacIntosh. 63 INT. If this was Hawaii. DOWNTOWN A LaSalle Street office tower. I'm serious. FERRIS H--hell-o? 64 EXT.

FERRIS' VOICE Really? Darn! I thought I was improving. Hold on. 66 CU. So. I'm working on getting some heavy bucks out of him.He's behind his desk. FERRIS' ROOM He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke. TOM You sound miserable. it's sure great of you to call. He switches back to his sick voice. FERRIS Cameron? It's my Dad. Dad. FERRIS Sorry. that's just great. The moment before you called. 66 . Herman Miller desk and chair. FERRIS (OC) I'm so worried about falling behind. Two windows. He puts his father on hold. CAMERON'S VOICE Oh. TOM Were you sleeping? FERRIS' VOICE I was trying to do some homework. INT. the least you can do is hurry up and get over here. Are you alright? FERRIS Just a little phlegm on the phone. FERRIS Dad? Can you hold on a second? TOM'S VOICE Sure. It was making me ill looking at it. Bye. Are you busted? FERRIS It's completely cool. Now. But gee. listen to me. pal. I had a chest spasm and I blew lung fluid all over the place. COMPUTER MONITOR A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making. He disconnects and gets his father back. Nice office. He's just checking up on me.

You're just trying to cheer me up. He nods. CU. right? Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father. TOM'S VOICE Hey. Dad. yeah? You're pulling my leg. INT. (looks at CAMERA and smiles) It was that kind of concern. Pedestrians stop to look. pal. FERRIS Give yourself some credit. CHICAGO LOOP. COMPUTER SCREEN A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA". FERRIS You had to work hard for the money to buy those things. 68 INT. FERRIS' ROOM He blows a smoke ring. what was I supposed to do? Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer. right? TOM'S VOICE Not any harder than anybody else. The screen dumps the drawing. 67 EXT. Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them. 68 67 . DIAMONDVISION SCREEN Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard.I'm sure there're alot of fathers who wouldn't take time out from their busy schedules to call a dumb. FERRIS' ROOM He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the desk. It's like those savings bonds you used to give me every Christmas. It was a mammoth gesture. sick teenager. FERRIS Oh. FERRIS You work so hard I'll bet you don't even remember where those bonds are. TOM'S VOICE Wrong. He lights a cigarette.

You take care.TOM'S VOICE Like hell I am. bucks says he's sitting car debating about whether he should go out. I hope my kids don't pull this shit on me. He looks at CAMERA. Bye now. sick voice) Dad? All this talking has made me kind of light-headed. (to the phone. No doubt about it. I take it back. I think I better lie down. I'll call you after lunch. you lose some. pal. Dad. He's gotten exactly what he wants. FERRIS You win some. He cuts the engine. normal voice) Was that a class move or what? The guy gave it up faster than a drunk Catholic girl. if they didn't. Ferris sighs. He hangs up. TOM'S VOICE Okay. Ferris smiles. they'd be dumb and abnormal and they'd probably never move out of my house and I'd have to support them until I die. CAMERON He's sitting behind the wheel of his car. CAR. FERRIS (to CAMERA. They're in a shoebox in my closet. (thinks) Of course. FERRIS You don't have to. CAMERON We're gonna get caught. CAMERON FERRIS disappointed in Cameron. 69 . I'm so Twenty in his or not 69 INT. TOM'S VOICE I want to. He turns his desk chair around and gets up.

he worries about everything. DRESSER DRAWER Hands curl around the drawer pulls. A HERALDIC STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC. LATER 72 71 70 .. He stops the engine. Ferris'll escape. 71 INT. Another beat. 70 CU. Another beat. CAMERON Actually. He sits for half a beat. He sighs and restarts the engine. He leafs through the pages for the pictorials as he speaks. ominously. (waves the magazine) Pardon moi. FERRIS (sings) MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER. 72 INT. The drawer is opened slowly. HALLWAY Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway. The hands lift a sweater out. He's the only guy I know who's deeply concerned that when he grows up there'll be a critical shortage of strategic metals. FERRIS Cameron'll go on like that for a good thirty minutes. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM DOWN. CLASSROOM.. SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED. He exits the room. what'll happen is I'll get caught. The guy is a shellfish when it comes to making a decision. FERRIS Cameron's also the only guy I know who knows what strategic metals are. He goes into the bathroom. FERRIS' ROOM He takes out the magazine.I'm not doing it. INT. The reason he doesn't fell good is. CAMERON He'll keep calling until I come over.

TEACHER AND NURSE The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece of disturbing news. (sneezes) Pardon me. She's staring out the window as a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry. the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard him sneeze. is sitting at her desk in a history class. As she gathers her books she looks to the GIRL next to her. ROONEY He has a suspicious look on his face. NURSE She's a picture of compassion and understanding. She looks at the kids. SLOANE A smile curls across her lips. CLASSROOM. HALLWAY The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand. like the others. INT. For a moment. dusty lecture. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear. watches the nurse curiously. TEACHER Roosevelt's health had seriously deteriorated by the time he met with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta.A stunningly beautiful girl. NURSE Sloane Peterson? SLOANE Sits up in her seat. 74 73 . 73 INT. The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. SLOANE She. 74 CU. NURSE May I see you outside for a moment? There's been an emergency. SLOANE (whispers) Dead grandmother. NURSE (nods solemnly) Dead grandmother. SLOANE PETERSON. He nods grimly to the Nurse.

She puts the call on hold. (pause) Yes. MAN'S VOICE Ed? This is George Peterson. He thinks for a beat then reaches for the phone. I see her alot with Ferris Bueller. Can you hold? Thank you. I had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane. ROONEY Who's this girl's going with? SECRETARY It's so hard to tell. Peterson's daytime number? As the secretary starts out of the room. Peterson said. His secretary is standing across from him. She stops and answers the desk phone. sir? MAN'S VOICE We've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard.ROONEY Dead grandmother? INT. ROONEY How are you today. Rooney is startled. SECRETARY It's Mr. He punches the phone button. Peterson. SECRETARY Do you still want his number? Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. ROONEY Could you get me Mr. ROONEY Ed Rooney. She smiles and backs out. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's at his desk. His suspicions are confirmed. Rooney's phone rings. SECRETARY Edward Rooney's office. SECRETARY That's what Mr. . Rooney smiles.

You produce a corpse and I'll release Sloane. She stomps her foot.Rooney rolls his eyes. sure. ROONEY I'll tell you want. He covers the phone. ROONEY I heard. ROONEY What!? SECRETARY Ferris Bueller's on line two. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line. Rooney covers the phone. please. gosh. Cart the stiff in and I'll turn over your daughter. I want to see this dead grandmother firsthand. you can just come on down and smooch by big old ugly ass. He's angry. She puts the call on hold and hangs up. Peterson. It's so obvious it's not Mr. You hear me? The secretary comes in. She's waving her arms furiously. And. Huh? Oh. Rooney tries to wave her away. I'd be happy to release Sloane. She hurried into Rooney's office. Her jaw drops. It's school policy. Nervy litttle punk. SECRETARY'S OFFICE She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other line. you don't like my policies. ROONEY (whispers) It's Ferris Bueller. The secretary stops cold in the doorway. 75 INT. SECRETARY Ed Rooney's office. SECRETARY Hold. She turns to Rooney in horror. Was this your mother? Rooney's other line rings. 76 75 . 76 INT. I'm all broken up. I'm gonna set a trap and let his walk right into it! (to phone) That's right.

He speaks in the same voice he used on his father. He's doing a deep. FERRIS Mr. FERRIS' VOICE Thank you. PHONE The second line light is flashing. CU. The phone's cradled against his shoulder. sir. anyway? 79 78 77 . twitches. FERRIS' HOUSE. ROONEY He blinks. phoney "father" voice. CU. CU. CU. ROONEY'S HAND The pencils falls from his fingers. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb you at work but I was wondering if it would be possible for my sister to bring home any assignments from my classes that I may need. 77 INT. cocks his head. He glances at the phone. What's the matter with you. CU. CAMERON You oughta be sorry for Christ's sake! A family member dies and you insult me. KITCHEN Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. fastening his belt. ROONEY'S FACE A mask of horror.CU. CU. ROONEY He winces as he returns to the first call. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY'S FOOT It freezes in mid-tap. 79 INT. PHONE Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting call. ROONEY He's staring blankly ahead. FERRIS' ROOM He's zipping his pants. 78 INT. He nods.

CAMERON This isn't over yet. You just make sure my daughter's out in front of the school in ten minutes. 81 . 80 81 INT. You have to know. I can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I am. Cameron covers the phone.80 INT. CAMERON Call me sir. I thought you were someone else. goddamn it! ROONEY'S VOICE Sir. ROONEY I don't know. CAMERON That's better. CAMERON'S VOICE Pardon my French but you're an asshole! Rooney nods enthusiastically. Peterson. that I would never deliberately insult you. DEAN'S OFFICE. KITCHEN Cameron lays into Rooney. Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the conversation. Ferris! What is Rooney guesses my voice! FERRIS Impossible. trembling. CAMERON (to Ferris) I'm scared shitless. He's perspiring. ROONEY He apologies profusely to Cameron. You're doing great. Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone. CAMERON (clears his throat) I don't have all day to bark at you so I'll make this short and sweet. buster. Do you read me? ROONEY'S VOICE Load and clear. sir. Mr. ROONEY Absolutely! I most certainly am.

CAMERON'S VOICE On second thought. By herself..Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up. Cover it. The phone flies out of his hand. We'll get together soon and have lunch. He covers the phone. He clears his throat and puts on his father's voice. You be out in front with her! I wanna have a few words with you! Ferris slaps Cameron. FERRIS Talk! Cameron takes a deep breath. He's said the wrong thing. FERRIS' KITCHEN Cameron's rubbing the side of his head. 82 CU. Ferris smacks Cameron. fella. ROONEY He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK! We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE. He holds the phone out to Ferris. We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS. 83 INT. CAMERON You do it! Ferris waves his arms angrily. FERRIS (mouths) Great! Cameron smiles proudly. I don't have time to talk to you. Cameron panics.. CAMERON I changed my mind. moron. THEN CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT. CAMERON I want my daughter out in front of the school in ten minutes. I don's want anyone around. CAMERON What'd I do? FERRIS Out in front my herself? It's too suspicious! He'll think something's up. 83 82 .

Cameron's anger is intensified by his embarrassment. CAMERON I was home. being me over here. sick.CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me? FERRIS Where's your brain? CAMERON I asked you first. don't ask me to participate in your crap if you don't like the way I do it! Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. make me jeopardize my future. really. . CAMERON You hit me. FERRIS How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's going to be there with her?! CAMERON I said for her to be there alone and you freaked! FERRIS My. God. FERRIS I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings. make me do a phoney phone call on a dean of students. really? FERRIS Yeah. you're so stupid! (aside) I didn't hit you. I lightly slapped you. Look. a man who could squeeze my nuts into oblivion and then you deliberately hurt my feelings. You get me out of bed. CAMERON Oh.

Ferris? Have a nice life. CU. 84 . FERRARI STALLION The prancing black stallion. right? Not that is was necessarily all you fault. The end of the world is at hand. CAMERON Thanks. Cameron stops. Ferris. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear. It was uncalled for. Ferris is smiling with excitement and awe. FERRIS You did screw up through. CAMERON You're serious? He turns around. Right? CAMERON (suspiciously) Why? FERRIS To fix this situation. Cameron's jaw drops. I'm sorry. dramatically as we hear a heraldic fanfare. I didn't mean to jam you. We move up from the stallion to the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California.Cameron glares at Ferris. Ferris sighs. Cameron smiles. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris looking at the car. 84 INT. I'm going to have to ask you for a small favor. He appreciates Ferris apology. CAMERON AND FERRIS Cameron's face is ashen. FERRIS Cameron. FERRIS Dead serious. He turns and heads out of the room. FERRIS Cameron? CAMERON Stick it up your ass. CAMERON Hey. GARAGE The door opens slowly.

It has a market value of $265. I don't even have a piece of shit. I have to envy yours. Cameron. FERRIS It is his fault he didn't lock the garage. this is real simple. We can't take is out. look. FERRIS Whatever miles we put on it. FERRIS Alright. it is his love. CAMERON It's not a piece of shit. CAMERON He knows the mileage. He has it tatooed on his wrist. . CAMERON Ferris. FERRIS It's a piece of shit. we'll take off. my father loves this car more than life itself. it is his passion. FERRIS A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile. I'm sorry but there's nothing else we can do. FERRIS He doesn't trust you? CAMERON No. Ferris. Ferris. He just rubs it with a diaper.000. CAMERON (grim monotone) 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Less than a hundred were made. CAMERON He never drives it. Peterson drives that piece of shit. Don't worry about it. FERRIS We can't pick up Sloane in your car. Rooney'd never believe Mr.Ferris is in heaven. My father spent three years restoring it. He puts his arm around Cameron. It is joy. Look.

no. Jeanie watches her suspiciously. I'm sorry but. CU. Cameron shakes his head. SCHOOL The Ferrari is parked out in front. the less likely we are to get caught. FERRARI GRILLE Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar of the twelve cylinders..You're not talking me into this one. SCHOOL. You'll have to think of something else. FERRARI Ferris is driving. Ferris.. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses. CAMERON Are you crazy?! Put the top back up! FERRIS This is perfect top-down weather.CAMERON (suspicious) How? FERRIS (big.. Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her books. The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a crowded school hallway. CAMERON'S VOICE . the more obvious we are.. 86 EXT. JEANIE She comes out of a classroom. CAMERON Forget it. Cameron's in the back. CAMERON What about Rooney? FERRIS Cameron. CAMERON That makes no sense whatsoever. The top is down. 87 INT. I have to live with the man. FERRIS 87 86 85 . I'm putting my foot down. 85 INT... She stops as Sloane and Rooney walk past. proud smile) We'll drive home backwards.

She hurries to the car. CAMERON Howcome it's my Dad's car and I'm taking all the risk and I have to ride back here? FERRIS I don't have an explanation. Cameron squeezes himself lower. THEIR POV Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. 89 88 . ROONEY Once again let me say how deeply saddened I am by your loss. Something does compute for him. He's careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline. DEEP VOICE Oh. Thanks. FERRIS Hurry along now! EXT. Sloane smiles and bids Rooney a hasty farewell. Very hip. Rooney looks. 88 EXT.The adult mind is a suspicious machine. (look around at Cameron) Stay down. She sees the Ferrari pull away. JEANIE She's watching out the door. SCHOOL Rooney's suspicious. man. Um. Yeah. She was a terrific lady. SLOANE I guess that's my Dad. SCHOOL. Rooney watches her. Very. SCHOOL Rooney and Sloane come out the door. Very old. Sloane! Dear! Sloane looks across at the Ferrari. See ya. Yeah. SLOANE Huh? ROONEY Were you close to your grandmother? SLOANE Oh. 89 INT.

" CAMERON Don't tell me we're not going to take the car home. 92 .90 EXT. FERRARI It accelerates away like a shot. No. Please. 90 91 INT. SLOANE What a fabulous car! CAMERON Enjoy it quick. ROONEY He can't quite put his finger on what's bothering him. SLOANE This is so great! I can't believe it! Right in front of Rooney! She laughs and turns to Cameron. SCHOOL. FERRIS It was risky. it was bold but it was totally necessary. FERRIS Either would I. SLOANE Hi. You comfortable? CAMERON Hi. FERRARI Sloane shrieks with delight. the question is "what aren't we going to do. 91 92 EXT. SLOANE What're we gonna do? FERRIS The question isn't "what are we gonna do". She leans across the console and gives Ferris a kiss. FERRIS (to CAMERA) If you had access to a car like this would you take it back right away? Would you give up feeling like a ton just to ease your best friend's tension? He smiles. STREET. Cameron. It' s going home.

Cameron's having stomach trouble. TELLER Ferris Bueller? FERRIS He's at the window. ZZ. modern bank building. TELLER I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. 94 .. Ferris leads the way to an open teller window. ZZ Top. BANK. Cameron and Sloane walk in.Madonna.93 EXT. Mrs. In fact. She's been at the bank since they opened. As she moves the beehive hits a small sign over her head. FERRIS Hello. Sloane suppresses a laugh. Froeling. This is my wife. Mrs. It's about four inches higher the highest beehive you're ever seen. TELLER A WOMAN about seventy with a silver blue beehive. INT. BANK. Ferris smiles. should you be in school? FERRIS He lays his savings bonds on the counter. How are you? TELLER She pats the rock-solid mass of blue hair. this is Mrs. Cameron blanches. She withdraws it from the hair and smiles at it's reappearance. I'm married. I'm as chipper as can be. In doing so she locates a missing ball point pen. Sloane's still intoxicated with her freedom. 93 94 INT. Froeling. She smiles when she sees Ferris. SUBURBAN BANK A fresh. The Ferrari pulls into the parking lot. FERRIS (to Cameron) And this is my brother-in-law. On either shoulder are Cameron and Sloane. Ferris is cocky and confident.. (something occurs to her) Say. so I'm a little pooped but other than that. FERRIS Me? (polite laugh) I'm out of school. The clock outside read 9:53. DOORS Ferris. Froeling.

Cameron isn't amused. TELLER (to Cameron) Is Top a Slavic name? CAMERON Yeah. FERRIS I'd like to cash these in, please. We're having a baby and we need the cash for a crib, clothes, diapers, food pellets, leash, water dish... INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling takes the bonds with a hearty smile. The latter part of the conversation sails over her like a line drive. TELLER A baby! (to Sloane) You must be so excited. Cameron groans and turns away from the sham. SLOANE I'm thrilled, ma'am. I'm especially looking forward to wearing those jeans with the stretch panel in front. Mrs. Froeling thumbs through the bonds. TELLER Are you hoping for a boy or a girl? SLOANE Actually, we're hoping for a car. CU. CAMERON He's spooked by the games playing. He scans the bank nervously. He blinks, focuses, blinks again. HIS POV Joyce is with a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE and their bored, sour-puss teenage son, BOYD. He's sitting in a chair with his legs slung over the sides waving a Bic lighter back and forth across his rump. The parents are Joyce's clients from Vermont. A LOAN OFFICER is discussing the local financing situation with them. His is an open office adjacent to the teller windows. Joyce's back is to the tellers. CU. CAMERON

It's like he's just witnesses an ax murder. CAMERON Shit... INT. BANK. JOYCE Her back is to the teller windows. She's conducting her meeting. Behind her we see Cameron grab Ferris and point her out to him. He waves. Cameron slaps his arm. INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds. TELLER These bonds aren't mature. If you hold onto them another two years you'll get an additional four dollars... FERRIS I'm aware of that. TELLER You're throwing away four dollars. FERRIS No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the government. They need it. Do you know what an aircraft carrier's going for these days? INT. BANK. JOYCE She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out. INT. BANK. DOOR Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce. JOYCE Mrs. Froeling, how are you? MRS. FROELING I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. (shifts gears, to Joyce) Say, you must be very proud. Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about. MRS. FROELING (whispers) I met Madonna. She pats Joyce on the arm.

MRS. FROELING She told me everything. Keep me posted, I'll want to send a gift. She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are completely baffled. 95 EXT. BANK Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking lot. JOYCE My son's home sick today. If you wouldn't mind, on our way back to the office, I'd like to just run in and check up on him. We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car. MOTHER Of course. They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look on proudly. 96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE His secretary is dialing a number for him. SECRETARY This is the Peterson's home. She hands the phone to Rooney. SECRETARY Watch your mouth this time. Rooney glares at her. ROONEY Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's no doubt in my mind. That's what I was saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped. He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this thing now. See? The secretary nods. SECRETARY And her grandmother, too. 97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an 97 96 95

CAMERON'S HOUSE His answering machine clicks on. We hear Cameron's voice. 100 INT. SLOANE We can't come to the phone right now. She's not listening to him. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney quickly takes down a number.. 98 INT. In the distance we see the Sears Tower. We are unable to come to the phone right now but if you'll leave your name and number.awful lot like Sloane. Rooney looks at her. If you need to reach us we'll be at the following number. ROONEY Who gives a good goddamn? 101 EXT. puzzled.. ROONEY Something's going on. EDENS EXPRESSWAY The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the suburbs. We've had a death in the family. 101 100 99 98 .. Rooney stares at her like she's crazy. ROONEY What? SECRETARY My brother-in-law rides the train to work. The Ferrari streaks past. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney hangs up the phone. The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk.. the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil Building. Mortuary. 99 EXT. CAMERON'S VOICE You have reached the Coughlin Bros. goddamn it. ROONEY And I'm going to stop it! SECRETARY My brother-in-law'll appreciate it. SECRETARY There's a railroad strike.

CHICAGO LOOP. KID Hey.. HALLWAY Jeanie's walking down the hall. SCHOOL. PARKING GARAGE The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage. GARAGE Ferris. KID They run about fifty g's so it you could help out. 103 EXT. KID Yo. you name it. Jeanie stares at him... We're collecting money to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. CAMERON We can't leave the car here! FERRIS Why not? CAMERON Because we can't! I want it back home where it belongs! SLOANE What could happen to it? CAMERON It could get stolen.102 INT. EXT. Sloane and Cameron get out. She's flabbergasted at the proportions her brother's scan has reached.. babe! Some day you might need a favor from Ferris Bueller! Then where'll you be?! He reaches for the can. Cameron's having fits. JEANIE Go piss up a flagpole! KID Huh? 102 She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall. The kid yells after her. She's stopped by a KID with a Coke can. wrecked. FERRIS 103 . KID Heartless wench. scratched.

please. No squealing tires. Whip it with a stick and piss on the hood. FERRIS You speak English? ATTENDANT Since I was three.I'll give the guy a five to watch it. ATTENDANT Like it's a beautiful woman. SLOANE This is so right! Ferris nudges Cameron on. Cameron. It's gone in the entrance and out the exit. Earring. . very carefully. FERRIS Great. He smiles. Another attendant jumps in the passenger side. Goatee. The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. They exit the garage and head after Sloane. PARKING LOT The Attendant swaggers over to the car. EXT. 240. SLOANE Oh. sure. CAMERON What guy? CU. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly. okay? He pats the Attendant on the arm. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the exit ramp of the garage. An IQ that equals his hourly wage. 6'6". Do you have to be so graphic? She heads down the street. FERRIS I appreciate it. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a hairnet Gold teeth. PARKING ATTENDANT He smiles with relish at the car. Ferris turns to Cameron. CAMERON Yeah. Ferris slips him a give. FERRIS See what a finski can do to a person's attitude? He's going to treat it like a beautiful woman. no revving engine. I want to you take extra special care of this vehicle.

ROOM. 106 INT. She's smiles with relief and affection. We hear soft snoring. WE HEAR THE SNORING. FERRIS' SYNTHESIZER Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring. It heads down the street away from Sloane. CLOSET The closet door is open. the trophy lifts up off the yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's original position. ROOM. 109 108 107 106 105 . CU. STAIRWAY Joyce quietly walks up the stairs. She listens at the door. tall. FERRIS' HOUSE 104 Joyce's care pulls in the driveway. It's taut. He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of the lot. HOUSE. She gets out and heads up the house. 108 INT. HER POV The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves. A trophy is attached to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick. with a huge knit hat willed with dreads. JOYCE She smiles and closes the door. CU. Ferris and Cameron. Downstairs. The snoring it simulated. CU. HOUSE. There's a figure in the bed. 107 INT. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet door to the door to the room itself. HALLWAY Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room. The wire from the bedroom door is strung over the top of the closet door. 105 INT. As the bedroom door closes. DOORKNOB Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a crack. 109 INT. 104 EXT. FERRIS' ROOM It's dark.He's skinny. DOOR KNOB The wire is tied to the doorknob. we hear a door open and close. HALLWAY Joyce listens at the door another beat. INT.

Like this. Wisconsin and my personal favorite. FERRIS (VO) This is the world's tallest building. A dizzying view.. we are provided with a view of four states. From our vantage point here on the 103 floor. Indiana. SLOANE 111 . As it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows. reluctantly.110 EXT.. lean against the glass. Sloane and Cameron follow suit. LATER 110 HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the world's tallest building. Ferris. Michigan. OBSERVATION DECK The three are leaning against the glass. Ferris steps back. INT. FERRIS Now. FERRIS And look down. Are we gonna stay long? FERRIS Take a step back. Cameron follows. 111 INT. far below.. He leans forward. CAMERON I don't feel good. SLOANE Oh. putting all his weight on his forehead. shit! HER POV The street far. Cameron and Sloane are standing against the window. SLOANE What if the glass gives? FERRIS Death.. SEARS TOWER. Sloane leans forward. CAMERON (VO) Do you think the car's alright? FERRIS (VO) Illinois. SEARS TOWER OBSERVATION DECK Ferris.

Cameron's father. HIS POV The Ferrari screams down the avenue and disappears down the underground ramp. Cameron follows glumly. CAMERON I think I see my Dad. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING ROOM Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities. Ferris and Sloane head down the street. 113 INT. Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the gallery watching the proceedings. He's lean. 116 INT. 117 INT. GALLERY Ferris. tough and humorless. BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET BACK IN THE STATES BACK TO THE CUTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA 114 EXT. FERRIS AND SLOANE I BEEN ALL 'ROUND THIS GREAT BIG WORLD AND I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF GIRLS YEAH. clean. STREET LEVEL A middle-aged man. SEARS TOWER LOBBY Ferris and Sloane bound down the escalator. HORACE FRYE. CAMERON'S FATHER I think I see my car. CAMERON He's looking down. is standing on the street corner. Cameron follows. He's wearing a puzzled look on his face. STREET Ferris and Sloane burst out the doors garnering the annoyed stares of the business people busily going in and out of the building. FERRIS AND SLOANE I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS! 115 EXT. They dance past the giant Calder mobile. They're singing. 117 116 115 114 113 112 . 112 EXT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE Giant old monolith. Cameron politely waits his turn to exit.Cool. CU.

FERRIS Yes. FERRIS Would I risk damaging a deep and wonderfully enriching relationship with my parents if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. SLOANE Sure.SLOANE Do you love me? FERRIS Do you love me? SLOANE I asked you first. FERRIS True. You? SLOANE Yes. FERRIS I'm game. SLOANE No way! . FERRIS (serious) Today? Sloane stares at him. That was a lie. FERRIS Would I have introduced you as my wife if I didn't love you? SLOANE Wait a minute. Is he serious. FERRIS Would I trash a day of education to be with you if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. Ferris puts his arm around Sloane. FERRIS Would you want to get married? I mean if I wasn't an asshole.

you can't get married today.FERRIS I'll do it. My mother and father. Ferris and Sloane look at him curiously. FERRIS Why not? SLOANE What do you mean. CAMERON They're married and they hate each other. SLOANE I'm not getting married. FERRIS Besides being too young and your father hating my guts and not having any place to live and feeling awkward about being the only cheerleader with a husband. if you will. FERRIS So? CAMERON So. FERRIS Tomorrow? CAMERON If you get a blood test today. give me a good reason why not. CAMERON I'll give you two. Am I right? . you could produce a pinhead. babe. Cameron suddenly adds his two cents. The state requires a blood test. Ferris looks around at him. CAMERON I'm with you. CAMERON You need a blood test. why not? Think about it. FERRIS Huh? CAMERON If your blood's not compatible. (to Ferris) You've seen them.

When I have a kid. Are yours divorced? CAMERON They may as well be. He shrugs. That's natural. He hates his wife. I thought so. That parental love might not be a given. CAMERON Just because it happens doesn't make it right. He loves the car.. She keeps a pretty good secret. CAMERON Yeah. SLOANE (to Cameron) It was pure selfishness. He dropped us like a rock. It's like the car. SLOANE Do you think they're staying together because of you? Cameron hasn't seen it that way.my father canned me and my brother and my Mom for a twenty five year old dipso with fake tits. Are you comfortable with it? SLOANE No. Everything was cool at our house. CAMERON It makes me puke. SLOANE Do they like you? It hasn't occured to Cameron that his parents might not like him.. SLOANE My parents are divorced. We all thought so.FERRIS You're father's a toad and your Mom's always wired out. SLOANE Consider this. Seeing people treat each other like that. I've tried. So what? It's not like it doesn't happen ten thousand times a day. Sure. Then BLAM! It's over. It's not something I can get comfortable with. I don't care how much I want . FERRIS (to CAMERA) This is all news to me. but so what? They're old.

It's a common trait with my age group. SLOANE Yeah. They wish they had her. FERRIS This is optomism. SLOANE They call the shots. too. . SLOANE What? FERRIS Let's go feed Cameron. you know what? It ain't up to you. FERRIS Frightening choice of words. Adults think it's cute. FERRIS (to CAMERA) She's not lying. if it's gonna screw-up the kid. She's taken. forget it. When you split from them. It's out of your hands. But it's a cool thing and I think. you're saying I should run away? FERRIS No. I'm gonna try to prevent it. deep down. I'm gonna think about it. it's like a charming quick that infests youth. She's saying it's time for lunch. But I'm gonna try not to. CAMERON So. crusty old shits wish they had some. I in other words. CAMERON I'd rather not have my family break apart. (points to Sloane) Sorry. SLOANE Well. CAMERON You could change. you call the shots. I should just sit back and watch it crumble? SLOANE You're merely an inhabitant in their universe. thank you.something. CAMERON So.

I'm very busy right now. Party of three for 12:00. 118 INT.They stand up and head out.. 120 119 . I'm Abe Frohman. MAITRE'D (to Ferris) May I help you? FERRIS Yes. If you have trouble finding the door. He cups his hands to his mouth. 120 INT. The maitre'd looks at Ferris curiously. Sloane and Cameron are standing in the restaurant.. ANNOUNCER Commodity prices rose sharply today in unusually heavy trading. INT. MAITRE'D (chuckles) I'm sorry. Sloane tugs Ferris' sleeve. FERRIS Is there a problem? MAITRE'D You're Abe Frohman? FERRIS I'm Abe Frohman. RESTAURANT Ferris. We HEAR A RADIO ANNOUNCER. RESTAURANT The maitre'd returns. He yells at the top of his voice. TRADING FLOOR 118 It explodes with activity in response to Ferris' shout. Cool and casual. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. FERRIS BUY! And he exits. HIS POV His fingers runs down to a party of three for 12:00. RESTAURANT A French restaurant on the Gold Coast... He ignores her. Ferris hangs back a moment. It's noon. 119 EXT. Ferris is looking at the maitre 'd's reservations book. son.

Find it..I'll call myself. (to the Maitre'd) Call the police. PHONE Ferris punches out a number. A beat and the restaurant's second line lights up and the phone rings. He hands the phone to Sloane. (grabs the phone) . FERRIS You touch me and I yell "rat!" There's another phone around here. We're gonna get busted. Cameron chokes. Sloane and Cameron are seated in the restaurant. Better yet.. please? SLOANE Cameron's right. RESTAURANT. INT. . RESTAURANT The maitre'd motions for the phone so that he can answer the call. The maitre'd backs off. CU. Sloane grits her teeth. The maitre'd is hovering over Ferris. LATER Ferris. INT. let's split. FERRIS Ask for Abe Frohman. FERRIS I'm not going anywhere. Ferris waves him off angrily. FERRIS Not a chance in the world.Abe. CAMERON Ferris. Go ahead.FERRIS Are you suggesting that I'm not who I say I am? MAITRE'D Shall I call the police? CAMERON Let's go... The maitre'd smiles smuggly... MAITRE'D I appreciate your understanding.

The straps rip off in her hand. vicious) I'm gonna bust his buns. 122 121 . 121 EXT. Ferris disappears behind his menu. FERRIS Darling. She yanks angrily on the velcro strap on her sneakers. today I'm the hammer. JEANIE (VO) Ferris Bueller's days are numbered. (wicked pause) Well. GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM Jeanie's sitting on a bench in a field hockey uniform. She's talking to a FRIEND. Just leave us to our repast and all will be forgotten. he does whatever he wants. FERRIS And you thought we wouldn't have any fun. 122 INT. dear friend? Cameron looks to Ferris. JEANIE (mean. SCHOOL We HEAR HALLWAY SOUNDS AND JEANIE. The maitre'd backs away. you were wonderful. but I had a wonderful teacher. FERRIS Thank you. Cameron is flushed with nerves. FRIEND Why? What's the point? JEANIE Why? Because I'm sick of the little dope. babe. Sloane is impressed. FERRIS Cameron. MAITRE'D Enjoy your luncheon. He manipulates my parents. Ferris smiles. Shame on you. whenever he wants and he never gets nailed. SLOANE Oh. Charles.FERRIS Don't grovel.

decent person should be and you know what? FRIEND Everybody thinks you're an asshole. JEANIE Who does? Her friend smiles sheepishly. JEANIE Let me tell you something. I'm considerate. JEANIE Rachel? Jeanie's friend shrugs. I work hard. Who else? FRIEND I don't know. He's not charming. He's an ignorant mule and the sooner everybody in this school comes to that realization the better off we'll all be. JEANIE Rachel's a dirt bag. I'm friendly and fair to all kinds of people. JEANIE Sweetie. does everything but verbally confirm. Jeanie freezes with her next sentence pinned to her tongue. I try to be everything a good. I get pissed off and this is what happens! Jeanie tosses the straps on the floor. Except morons. I study hard. He's not a wonderful person. Ferris is not cute. She displays the velcro straps to her friend. JEANIE Forget that everybody thinks I'm an . wags her head. it's an established fact that you have no taste.FRIEND I think he's cute. I'm polite. He's not nice. Just forget it. you sympathize with him. JEANIE See? My brother strokes you. JEANIE Excuse me? FRIEND I don't think you're an asshole.

FRIEND You really do have a problem. Her friend exits. JEANIE Am I acting like an asshole? FRIEND I didn't mean it that way. Mr. GODDAMN IT! . Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief. Jeanie. likes me. Jeanie. JEANIE Alright.. I have my period! MY BODY'S RIDDING ITSELF OF OLD EGGS. FRIEND Take a walk. hey. Rooney likes you. JEANIE Me? I have a problem? FRIEND Somebody who threatens to sock people's tits has a problem. That's exciting.. A fat fifty year old clod with B. JEANIE Would everybody be happier if maybe I were to die in a flaming car accident or something? FRIEND Maybe if you didn't cat like and asshole. JEANIE Oh. JEANIE (yells after her) If it means anything to you. JEANIE I this a conspiracy to shit all over me or something? Is my brother behind this? Tell me if he is or I'll sock your tits.O. How about if I sock your face? Jeanie's friend gets up.asshole? Would you like everybody to think you're an asshole? FRIEND Not everybody thinks you're an asshole.

She snarls and slumps against the lockers. I don't know where she gets this shit. He checks his hair in the mirror. He crosses to 123 . It's scary. He gets so wadded-up. Plus. you couldn't pry his buns apart with a crowbar. A toilet flushes. He wasn't lying. We hold a beat. MEN'S ROOM. Another beat and Tom walks out of the stall. JEANIE He's gone. It really upsets him. and I must be honest here. His parents fight all the time. That's why he's sick all the time. He looks down at the urinal. He's monkey meat. The thing with taking his old man's car? It's good for him. Is there anything worse than being at somebody's house when their parents are fighting? It's the absolute height of social discomfort. FERRIS I wonder if everybody shoots at cigarette butts in urinals? Probably not many women. Basically. Her body is a transport vehicle for her anger. I highly recommend picking one up. CHEZ PAUL Ferris is standing at the urinal. Even when I'm there. I love driving it. 123 INT. He zips this trousers and steps away from the urinal. He exists the men's room. FERRIS She's a person who views life as an ordeal that must be endured. He's over. What he said about his parents hating each other? I refuse to sleep over at his house. Cameron tightens up. It used to worry me. FERRIS Cameron's home life is really shit. Then I met Cameron and I saw how his family functioned. FERRIS When they go after each other. (continues) I used to think that my family was the only one that had weirdness in it. It teaches him to deal with his fear. the family's pretty cool.

It's not bad. CAMERON I knew it was a mistake letting Ferris order for us. Cameron and Sloane try theirs. CAMERON What is it? SLOANE I don't know.the sink. But it looks like it's already been eaten and digested. Clouseau! The waiter stops and looks at Ferris indignantly. A WAITER passes. FERRIS Good? Sloane and Cameron shrug. Ferris stops him. CAMERON What is this shit? FERRIS You got me. CAMERON Really? FERRIS Superb. FERRIS I think it's a land-based beefoid creature. FERRIS What are you doing? Cameron looks at Ferris. I don't speak French. 124 . 124 INT. They chew tentatively. He takes a bite. Ferris slides over to the table and drops into his seat. FERRIS Splendid. RESTAURANT Cameron and Sloane have been served their lunches. FERRIS Yo. He puts his napkin in his lap and smells his plate. They're staring at the plates. He savors the taste.

RESTAURANT Tom and his two GUESTS are standing at the curb. A 125 . They're holding their sweetbreads in their mouths. holds it a beat and gives a cue. WAITER Sweetbreads. FERRIS Uh.. talking. FERRIS Check. Could you tell me what we ordered here? The waiter glances at the plates. FERRIS . please! 125 EXT. SLOANE AND CAMERON They stop chewing. WAITER He nods broadly. CU. FERRIS He watches Sloane and Cameron then glances at the waiter. CU. CU. huh. colorless fluid containing digestive enzymes? The home of the world famous isles of Langerhans? CU.That secretes a thick. knowing that he's spoiling the kids' meal. SLOANE AND CAMERON They look at each other. WAITER He turns away as Sloane and Cameron spit out their food. FERRIS He pats his mouth with his napkin.. FERRIS He continues his questioning. And what might that be? WAITER Pancreas. CU. FERRIS As in the gland that has important functions in digestion and metabolism? CU. CU. He raises a finger.FERRIS I have a growth on my brain that causes memory lapses. He looks to Cameron and Sloane.

INT. 127 INT. INT. The bold survive. DISPLAY CASE Baby chicks are hatching in a huge. CAB Tom and his party are still jawing at curbside. now in the B. INT. FERRIS No way.. for sure. MUSIC COMES UP. OVERHEAD SHOT The main gallery is crowded with school kids.cab is waiting. Sloane and Cameron slowly approach the cab. CAMERON We're gonna get nabbed. Sloane and Cameron turn slowly. Let's go. Among the second graders are Ferris. Sloane and Cameron. RESTAURANT Tom and his guests watch in bewilderment at their cab takes off. Only the meek get nabbed. SLOANE. The Ferris hops the cab. MUSEUM OR SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY The grand old Chicago museum. MUSEUM. EXT. Ferris scoots Sloane into the cab. 126 EXT. They approach the cab. The door's open. Tom's back it to Ferris. CAMERON They turns on cue at Tom. FERRIS. CAB DOOR HANDLE A man's hand reaches for the handle as the cab pulls away. CU. Ferris. Cameron.G. Cameron dashes in. MUSEUM. Ferris stops cold. STREET. Sloane and Cameron come out of the restaurant. FLOOR A class of kids walking along holding hands. CAB Ferris slams the door. 127 126 . Behind the backs of the men. Ferris. FERRIS 40. holding hands looking like giant grade schoolers. Sloane. turns toward the restaurant. He turns to the cab.G. MUSEUM. EXT. round incubator. In the B.000 restaurants in the downtown area and I pick the one my father goes to.

Ferris and Sloane are making out. HIGH SHOT From the Merchandise Mart. we've won our freedom. A boat is rolling up the man-made canyon. FERRIS. feigning a massive heart attack. MUSEUM. INDUSTRIAL DISPLAY Sloane operates a metal press to produce a tin ashtray. looking down the fetid. Ferris is lost in thought. Ferris staggers out of it. The ninth month. clutching his heart.Ferris and Cameron are intently watching the process. 128 EXT. MUSEUM. A tiny human being in a jar. green swath of water. MUSEUM. SLOANE (remorsefully) I wonder if he has a name? FERRIS (blank) Ninth Month. INT. HEART REPLICA A giant. CU. walk-thru replica of a human heart. CU. HUMAN FETUS IN A BOTTLE The famous stages of life display which features bottled fetuses. INT. GERMAN U-BOAT Ferris is examining the controls of the captured U-Boat. Cameron's stomach is in his throat. The MUSIC ENDS. CAMERON (VO) Are you guys worried about nuclear war? FERRIS (VO) Cameron. SLOANE. LONG. CHICAGO RIVER. Ferris and Cameron ride in the coal train in the coal mine replica. CU. PROPELLER For the first time in forty years. COAL MINE Sloane. INT. CAMERON Sloane wants to cry. He checks to see if he's being watched then he presses a button and pulls a lever. the screw turns. it's a beautiful day. we're traveling down one of American's most scenic polluted waterways and you have to bring up nuclear war? SLOANE (VO) 128 . INT.

SLOANE (VO) Yeah. however. The possiblity of global destruction. BOAT DOCK The three are sitting on the aft deck of the tour boat. SLOANE My step-father's always going off about how when he was young he was committed to all these causes. EXT.No. CAMERON (VO) (dramatic. Cam. . SLOANE (VO) Don't you think it's an issue because people need something to worry about? They have to like. deadly serious) Do you know what a nuclear winter is? Long beat.It is kind of raggy subject.. Their feet are up on the railing. It's with us every day. it's real cold and the skiing's for shit. That's over and people have to have their big issue. Everybody's dead. CAMERON (VO) Regardless. I'm not worried about it at all. very relaxed. FERRIS He's full of shit. Discussing the end of the world. Very casual. They used to have the oil crisis stuff and Iran. FERRIS They used to have Viet Nam. you know. It's not like somebody came up with the nuclear holocaust yesterday at noon. have some major problem that puts all their little bullshit into some kind of persepective? CAMERON (VO) Maybe. SLOANE (VO) To answer your question. We do know. that college starts in the fall. The boat makes the turn in the river and CLEARS FRAME. FERRIS (VO) We don't know when the bombs going off. All the old hippies are full of shit..

this is all very interesting but I'm starving. CAMERON I feel better now. An obtuse thought flashes through Sloane's brain. CAMERON It's human nature to like what you had better than what you have. FERRIS. . SLOANE. FERRIS An hour ago you wanted to yack. A loud speaker on the boat identifies a point of interest.. FERRIS Lean over and grab a fish. They took over when they were young and they never gave it up. FERRIS One of the most frightening experiences of my young life has been observing my parents and our neighbors playing the Baby Boom Edition of Trivial Pursuits. CAMERON What's spooky is they still control everything.SLOANE He says I don't care about things like he did. fatty meats and money. FERRIS I rest my case. SLOANE Agreed. LOUDSPEAKER TO YOUR LEFT IT THE WORLD'S TALLEST BUILDING. CAMERON You know.. The three look to the left. It's chilling to see people crazed with the minutia of their past. FERRIS What's he care about now? SLOANE Baldness. CAMERON The Sears Tower. Cameron looks over the side of the boat. LOUDSPEAKER.

but it's for his own good. SCHOOL Meanwhile.. JEANIE Is Dean Rooney in? SECRETARY I'm sorry. The secretary looks up and greets her with a weary smile. She slips into the Dean's outer office.. His cavalier attitude will get him into trouble later in life.SLOANE What comes after a nuclear winter? FERRIS Nuclear spring. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE Jeanie is having a small moral debate with herself.and it'll continue to piss me off and I'll get so wadded-up that it'll cause cervex cancer and he'll ruin my life. Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his bile-green LeBaron. Rooney peels off his shades and looks around like he's Dirty Harry. STREET.. 132 EXT.. He left the grounds on personal business. Jeanie walks in. CU. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement. Who's bothering you now? Jeanie scowls at her. Screw him. he's out. CURB 132 131 130 129 A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE Rooney's secretary is behind her desk. 131 INT. When's he back? SECRETARY I don't know. CU.. Jeanie. Can I help you? JEANIE (condescending) I seriously doubt it.. 130 INT. SECRETARY Hello. 129 EXT. JEANIE It's reprehensible to squeal on your own flesh and blood. FIRE HYDRANT . Slide across to the sidewalk. In his mind he is Dirty Harry.

He stares at the girl. STREET Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy hot dog joint. The player looks up. pointing it directly in Rooney's face. GIRL 133 . suburban businessmen. CU. HIS POV A young person is playing a video game in a far corner. ROONEY He squints CU. It's a GIRL. GIRL She stares at him. HOT DOG STAND It's jammed with construction workers.Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. ROONEY The blood evacuates his face. The player turns around. CU. 133 INT. ROONEY (OC) Your ass is mine. CU. GIRL Holding the straw in the mouth. Rooney pushes his way in and scopes the crowd. She picks up her Coke. CU. She puts the straw to her lips and sucks. He can't think of anything to say. CU. ROONEY He suspects it's Ferris. He ties his lace and pulls up his sock. He smiles and cuts into the crowd. It look sort of like Ferris. She raises it. she draws it out of the cup. EXT. ROONEY He's still staring. It's loud and confusing. secretaries. CU. ROONEY (OC) I've been waiting a long time for this. CU. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD MOVE IN on the player.

Behind him is the kitchen and a grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game. The TV camera follows the ball into the stands. Cameron's scarfing nachos. ROONEY Who's winning? HOT DOG MAN Cubs. There's a long foul ball. puts his hands behind his head and turns his face to the bright sun. The TV camera zooms in on the boy triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. SLOANE No wonder you're always sick. Ferris leans back. FERRIS I think I broke my thumb. Rooney wipes his suit off. CU. 134 EXT. Rooney nods and exits. SLOANE Can we leave now? FERRIS You want to leave? We just got here. SERVICE COUNTER Rooney wipes his face. Rooney glances at the screen. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. ROONEY What's the score? HOT DOG MAN Zero to zero. He does a little celebration dance. WRIGLEY FIELD.She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face. Rooney wads up the napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. HOT DOG STAND. The TV camera returns to the game. A kid makes a stab at the ball. SLOANE You got a call. STANDS Ferris sits down with the baseball. He shakes his stinging paw. NAPKIN HOLDER A hand yanks a napkin hold. She looks at them with disgust. INT. you broke your thumb. It's Ferris. what's left to do? Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. 134 .

soldiers. 136 INT. Selfish little moron. Cameron breaks a smile. drum and bugle corps. SLOANE Do you believe in reincarnation? CAMERON Huh? . 137 EXT. STATE STREET 137 136 135 A parade is underway..water..FERRIS Do you realize that if I played by the rules. He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens. SLOANE I love him. They wave to him. he has to admire Ferris for his lack of inhabitions. right now I'd be in gym? 135 EXT. As worried as he is about the day and getting caught. EXT. He's leading the girls in singing. FIAT Jeanie's at the wheel. buddy. It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY. FLOAT Riding atop on a float is Ferris. STATE STREET. CAMERON Stop.. She sneaks a glance at the school. SLOANE AND CAMERON They're watching Ferris go by. She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot. A blue Fiat pulls into the shot.. STATE STREET. JEANIE I can't believe my brother's making me put myself in a position where I could get expelled. CAMERON It's hard not to. EXT. school kids. Figure skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines on pavement. "DANKE SHOEN". He's waving to the crowd. (pause) Ferris? You're overshadowed me long enough. Marching bands.. PLAYING FIELD A boy's gym class is doing laps..want. I'm gonna get you. HIGH SCHOOL. Cameron mumbles a few words. Floats and politicians.

The guy who rode the elephants into Switzerland.SLOANE Do you believe that you lived before? CAMERON Yeah. Sloane looks at him with amazement. STATE STREET. I know. SLOANE I could see him ignoring popular belief and taking off on some impossible mission. You know. EXT. SLOANE From the A-Team? CAMERON No. They step out of the crowd and head down the street in the direction the parade's heading. Sort of. the guy who went around the world. CAMERON I was a tractor tire. he was Magellan. FLOAT Ferris is on his knees. STATE STREET Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation. reaching down from the float. CAMERON Hannibal. dude! EXT. Cameron nods. SLOANE I think if he was anybody. SLOANE DO you ever wonder what you were? CAMERON I don't have to wonder. CAMERON What were you in a previous life? SLOANE I'm not sure but I think I know who Ferris was. FERRIS Guten tag. Sloane laughs at herself. . shaking hands with people in the crowd.

As long as I've known him. CAMERON Yeah. everything works for him. BABY FERRIS TWIST AND SHOUT! GIRLS TWIST AND SHOUT! FERRIS COME ON. BABY. isn't it? Cameron doesn't understand what she means. EXT. parents. SLOANE A girl can always bail out and have a baby and get some guy to support her. the future. but to do what? . The girls on the float are singing. There's nothing he can't handle. CAMERON I don't know what I'm gonna do.CAMERON Yeah. COME ON. SLOANE The future's worse for a boy. School. FERRIS WELL. STREET. I can't handle anything. CAMERON That's a pretty grim thought. COME ON. BABY ON! COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT! GIRLS WORK IT ON OUT! EXT. SLOANE College. NOW! GIRLS SHAKE IT UP. FLOAT Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian. SHAKE IT UP. SLOANE AND CAMERON They continue their conversation. STATE STREET. Ferris can do anything. but it's an option. SLOANE True. No options is worse.

BLACK TEENAGER He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat. STREET. They walk on for a few beats. SLOANE Me either. The sons is taking over all the other tunes in the band. It's infecting the entire parade. CHOIR GROUP . We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT" GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER. MARCHING BAND They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT. TEENAGER COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT. CAMERON What do you think Ferris is gonna do? EXT. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER He's singing. STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along. PUNKS LOOK SO GOOD! EXT. STREET. STREET. STREET. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER He singing along. STREET. POLICE OFFICER YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD! EXT. STATE STREET. NEWSPAPER SELLER TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT. WOMAN YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE! TODDLERS LOOK SO FINE! EXT. PUNKS A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk.SLOANE What are you interested in? CAMERON Nothing. EXT.

FLOAT Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale. STREET. FERRIS AH! EXT. Like the opening shot in Star Wars. 138 EXT. STREET. SLO-MO. CLERGYMEN AH! EXT. STREET. Grim. VETERANS Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms. STREET CLEANERS With their brooms ready. STREET. STREET. PARADE AHHHHH! The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE. EXT. 138 . STREET. CHOIR AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! EXT. Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. DECK The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT". Suddenly. STREET. POLITICIANS AND WIVES AH! EXT. WIDE AND HIGH The entire parade is at frenzy pitch. CALUMET CITY The Port of Chicago. STREET CLEANERS KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! EXT. gritty waterfront. VIEWING STAND The CLERGYMEN stand.. VETERANS AH! EXT. The Starship Ferrari.They're marching down the parade. VIEWING STAND The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up.. They're singing in their angleic voices.

I'd like to have a word with you. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. ROONEY This is Ed Rooney. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE. CU. Mouth open. SLO-MO. HOUSE. then crosses to Ferris' house. The car's shadow passes over them. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney behind the wheel of his car. Ferris. CU. We see him peek in a window at the top of the door. following the car as it flies over them. CASSETTE PLAYER It clicks on. COMPUTER It acknowledges the doorbell. Broad. CAR GRILLE It fills the frame and stops. CU. I could take a nasty spill down the 142 141 140 139 . 139 CU. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition. Big smile. He looks at the house. Maniac at the wheel. RASTAMAN His eyes are closed. FERRIS Who is it? Rooney presses the intercom. 141 INT. FRONT PORCH The house intercom activates. PARKING ATTENDANT His eyes are wide with exhilaration. SLO-MO. tongue out. FOYER Rooney's at the front door.CU. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM. HOUSE. The doorbell rings. EXT. looks up and down the street. STREETS. SLO-MO. FERRIS' HOUSE Rooney gets out of his car. KIDS They're looking up in the air. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. excited smiles. 140 INT. SLO-MO. EXT. 142 EXT.

FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording. 143 INT.. Rooney rings the doorbell again. 144 143 . Ferris. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition. Come down here. ROONEY I'm not leaving. The pre-recorded litany starts over. Thank you for stopping by. FERRIS' VOICE You can reach my parents at their places of business. FERRIS' VOICE You may reach my parents at their places of business. There's no response. KITCHEN Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day. ROONEY B. Rooney leans back from the door. His voice clicks off.. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside. There's a pause. It will be remembered long after this illness has past. But's it's highly suspicious. LIVING ROOM Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows. Rooney presses the intercom again. He can't quite figure out what's going on. Rooney presses the intercom again. ROONEY Don't get smart with me Ferris! FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. HOUSE. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. HOUSE.stairs and subject myself to further school absenses. ROONEY I'm not leaving until you come down and talk to me. 144 INT. Rooney presses the intercom.S.

He hears the dog. Rooney is crouched down. this is nauseating me. DOGGIE DOOR A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of gnashing teeth and foam. FERRIS Have a nice day. I'm losing respect for you by the bucket. ROONEY He's peaking through the door. CU. 145 EXT.FERRIS' VOICE I appreciate your conern for my well-being. I'm talking about 146 145 . FERRIS You don't think it's amazing that we got in? SLOANE Who wants to get in? FERRIS Cameron looks like a toddler.. We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL. nearly deserted strip joint. CU. Sloane is embarrassed and revolted. Cameron's mouth is open in amazement. HOUSE. CAMERON How does she do that? One goes one way. FERRIS She's probably schizophrenic. It will be remembered long after. Really. HIS POV Along the kitchen floor. The type that allows a dog to come and go as it pleases. 146 CU. CAMERON. into the dining room. HOUSE. for Christ's sake. EXT. one goes the other. He lifts the doggie door and peeks in the house. BACKDOOR A black rubber doggie door. FERRIS AND SLOANE They're sitting in a booth in the garish.. SLOANE Ferris. Through the kitchen. LARGE BREASTS Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers. His face freezes.

Ferris stands up from the booth. you lies when you said you loved me and I had no cause to doubt you. The club lights go down. FERRIS Maybe her life fell apart. We think about love and matters of the heart. FERRIS Honey. Fate had me playing in love. A child. Now.. That sex is all I think about. I feel it. But consider why she does it. You acted strange. A sappy. And why. But that's not true. The stripper disappears in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight. SLOANE I'm not interested in watching someone jiggle their mammary glands. Maybe she lost somebody. Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness. SLOANE I'm not a tramp. You seemed to change. A parent. (to CAMERA) This kind of thing makes me a little depressed. we worry about lonliness. I loved you at first glance. Act one was when we met. He climbs up on the little runway. the stage is bare and I'm standing there with emptiness all around and if you won't . I think alot of people my age are. He strolls slowly through the empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of blue light. But I'd rather go on hearing your lies than to go on living without you. And we feel it. FERRIS You know. I've never known. Why she does it and you don't. curls his lip and affects an Elvis impression. someone said the world's a stage and each must play a part. You may think because I'm the age I am that I'm a sex maniac. And SAT scores and acne aside.a major achievement in false identification. do-wop track FADES UP.. He flips his collar up. A boyfriend. A lover. You read your lines so cleverly and never missed a cue. It's a terrible thing. I'm a romantic. with you as my sweetheart. Then came act two. FERRIS Point well taken.

They're holding bags of fried chicken. MICHIGAN AVENUE Afternoon traffic.come back to me. . 147 EXT. ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? Ferris drops his head. She's shaking her head slowly. It leans into the open car and see if the contents will confirm looks up slowly. He's studying it. CU. DOWNTOWN STREET. CAMERON'S FATHER No. FERRIS' TOWN.. CAMERON'S FATHER He shakes his head. dramatic florish that was the King's trademark ballad sign-off. 150 INT. He freezes. ELVIS IS YOUR HEART FILLED WITH PAIN? SHALL I COME BACK AGAIN? TELL ME DEAR. Elvis fades up.. CAMERON'S CAR Cameron's father is looking looks terribly familiar. TAXI CAB 150 149 148 147 at the car. He HIS POV The Attendant and the Rastaman are glowering at him. 149 EXT. Like the King would. no..SAVE FERRIS BUELLER. 148 EXT. The orignal recording. Her mouth's open. JEANIE She's furious. JEANIE Jeanie's standing at her car. She's staring incredulously into the distance. ATTENDANT You looking for something in my car? CU. He reaches for the glovebox to if it's his. then they can bring the curtain down. Ferris lip synchs with the big. JEANIE I'm gonna microwave his nuts. HER POV Spray-painted on the town water tower in gigantic black letters -..

I have to get the car home. how long have you been in America? DRIVER One year. FERRIS That hurts. FERRIS Clearly you've never been to an American high school. Ferris sits back. Ferris is on one window. what'd you see today? Cameron looks at him. I know you don't care. Ferris. Sloane's in the middle. He puts his arm around Sloane. Sloane and Cameron in the backseat of a checker. a giant heart. FERRIS What's your overall impression? DRIVER It's very good here. but it means my ass. SLOANE Jump back. CAMERON It's getting late. Yuri. FERRIS Better than Russia? DRIVER Much better here than in Russia. Cameron. FERRIS You think I don't care? CAMERON I know you don't care. FERRIS Cameron. Ferris. seventy five dollars . FERRIS You saw four states. FERRIS So. FERRIS So. Cameron's been a good sport.. He leans forward and reads the driver's name off the city license. Ferris is talking to the DRIVER. Cameron on the other..Ferris. a submarine.

He turns. with their backs to the back of the front seat. FERRIS What?! Sloane bursts out laughing. looking bored. He's about a foot from Ferris. HER POV Tom stares at her. He pauses. In that cab is Tom. She turns and glances out the window. feet up on the seat. He freezes. He's baffled. He turns and looks right into CAMERA. FLOOR. SLOANE Roast! She licks her finger and touches Ferris knee. CAB. FERRIS' POV Tom glances back at his paper.worth of cooked pancreas.. FERRIS (to Sloane) What's he doing? SLOANE (revolted) He's looking at me and he's licking the glass and making obscene gestures with his hands. Ferris realizes he's looking at something out the window. their cab is squeezed tight alongside another cab. She's wearing sunglasses. (quizical look) Are you gonna chuck your nachos? Cameron's staring past Ferris. Thinks. major league baseball and. HIS POV In the gridlock traffic. TOM'S POV Ferris' frozen face. Turns back to CAMERA. She makes a . On their asses.. Cameron and Ferris are on the floor. Fakes a yawn. TOM'S POV Sloane is sitting where Ferris was. INT. He's frozen. He looks away. two of the most incredible breasts ever to come out of modern plastics. Looks up.

Ferris and Sloane make the turn at Wacker Driver and disappear into the Stone Container Building.sizzling sound.tits. His hair's messed and there're grass-stains on his knees and elbows. TOM'S CAB Tom's looking into Ferris' cab.00 dress shoe. BACKYARD. HOUSE.. Cameron follows. BACKYARD.. 151 EXT. CITY STREET Ferris is leading the way down Michigan Avenue. you worthless mutt! HIS POV The Rottweiler leaps at CAMERA.. EXT. He has Sloane by the hand. Cameron's a few steps behind. Rooney looks up at him. FERRIS' HOUSE. DOG The Rottweiler's chewing on a shoe. His suit pants are torn from the crotch to the knee. He's hustling through the crowd. HIS POV Sloane's bouncing up and down. TOM He can't quite figure out what's going on. His suit coat pocket is torn off. CAMERON Money. He heads up to the house. 153 EXT. 154 153 152 151 . ROONEY He's standing outside the fence. HOUSE. A DELIVERY MAN gets out iwth a huge floral arrangement. He keeps bumping into people. 154 EXT.please. ROONEY That's a $28.. He's looking in at the dog. She collapes on the seat in hysterics. We see on the back of the paper a small story with the headline: COMMUNITY RALLIES AROUND SICK YOUTH. FRONT A florist truck pulls up in front of the house. CU. PORCH Rooney's sitting on the porch patting a bloody knee with his handkerchief. She's jogging to keep up. He greets Rooney cheerily. 152 EXT. INT. He's missing a shoe. Tearing it apart... He turns and slowly raises his newspaper over his face. mumbling again. The delivery man hops up on the steps.

. I have a delivery. DELIVERY MAN (to the intercom) Thank you.. ROONEY What? FERRIS' VOICE . Rooney is flabbergasted.DELIVERY MAN Howdy! He presses the doorbell. I appreciate your concern for my wellbeing. He's very popular... It will be remembered long after this illness has passed. DELIVERY MAN . FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry but I can't come to the door right now. asshole. Thank you for stopping by. I'm very ill and I'm afraid. ROONEY It's a recording.that in my weakened condition. But my boss had to send to Milwaukee to get more orchids. DELIVERY MAN Nobody's home here? ROONEY No... I could take a nasty spill and subject myself to further school absenses. DELIVERY MAN As I heard it from our mailman he was supposedly born with only half a kidney. DELIVERY MAN Focus on Flowers. (continues) I don't know the details. DELIVERY MAN What's your problem? ROONEY He's one of my students. FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? The Deliver Man presses the intercom. A beat and we hear Ferris' recording. (pause) You can reach my parents at their places of business. DELIVERY MAN Little bugger's dying. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day.

CU. STUDIO. He opens the attached card.. FACULTY AND STAFF 155 INT. CARD It's signed: ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY THE ENGLISH DEPT. is sitting behind his microphone. 157 EXT.J. I don't know who that was or what they were playing but I apologize for it nonetheless. Then he looks at the Delivery Man. DELIVERY MAN Gotta run.. (pause) I have a guest with me today. DELIVERY MAN (happy sigh) It really touches me that so many people are rallying behind this guy.J. 156 INT. D. ROONEY (defeated) Oh. FERRIS 157 156 155 . D. FERRIS' HOUSE Jeanie's car pull in the driveway. Rooney looks incredulously at the arrangement. Christ. DELIVERY MAN You wanna keep an eye on these? Rooney looks at the flowers... We hear her car radio. RADIO STATION STUDIO The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D. His name is Ferris Mueller. FERRIS He put his headphones on.J. I guess there's hope for the human race afterall. He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck.You gonna be around for awhile? ROONEY I imagine so. He hands the arrangement to Rooney.

CAR ANTENNA The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in the air. 158 INT. Steve.I'm the first Chicago area youth 159 158 . D..000 watt outlet. affects a "radio" voice) Well. FERRIS I'm going to tell a massive lie here. This is a 50. CU.. I have what I consider to be an excellent broadcast voice. JEANIE She goes into shock. you and your listeners are probably not going to believe this but.Bueller. I'm in a very pleasant groove right now.J. (pause) You know this. Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio.. I'm going out to several million people so let me just say. But I've never had the chance to sit behind a microphone and try it out for real.J. Her eyes blink. Unlike television which provides the images. radio... He has an incredible story. CAR. her head cocks. (clears his voice. INT. speaks into the mike.. D. Ferris turns to CAMERA. I used to play records and do introductions to them. SCHOOL A group of kids are sitting around a blaster. FERRIS It's cool. Ferris Bueller. Sorry about that. I practise it in the bathroom all the time. 159 INT. I think radio's a facinating medium. Anyway. it challenges the imagination. STUDIO Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone. it's always been a dream of mine to be on the radio. FERRIS' VOICE . It's going to by very thick and very steamy.

that I got in the driver's ed. FERRIS HOUSE. ROONEY .J. lit up a 'boro and Mrs. Heller looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny out of my nose or something and I realized what the hell I was doing and I went to put it out and hit the mail box. remember? He turns back to the DJ. FERRIS I was going to say I knew Springsteen's home phone number and I was going to give out the number of the New Jersey State Police but I thought I might get busted. SCHOOL. I was putting out a cigarette. I was so pissed off at her reaction to the whole thing that I considered running an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna use Mrs. But I can't prove it? I'm in high school. The broken pieces are all around the dog's head. I took it again and passed. Heller's home number but is cost too much. BACKYARD 162 161 160 The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn. The car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and I think Rooney pocketed the cash. 160 INT. STUDIO Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA. like I was told. 161 INT. car and spaced completely. shape or from my fault. After I got flunked in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail box. I'm so used to getting in a car and lighting up. FERRIS' HOUSE. EXT. BACKYARD. D. pulled out of the lot. The flower arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog. because I'm not allowed to smoke at home. which was not in any way.to be selected to participate in a space shuttle mission. They're cheering him on. It was weird. car. How did you get picked for this. HALLWAY A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster. FERRIS It's kind of a long story but I've been doing alot of programming for NASA. Anyway. But I had to work at Burger King to get the cash to pay for the driver's ed. 162 EXT.

. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. FRONT Rooney sneaks around the side of the house. JEANIE The worm has luck like clams have body odor. CU. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs. Do you know where she is? Do you know when she'll be back? Do you know anything? She slams the phone down. He drops down and peek in the windows. A smile spreads across her face. pooch. The front door's open. 167 166 165 164 163 . 164 EXT. Bueller there? Where is she? This is her daughter. HOUSE. He looks around the foyer and heads into the kitchen. HIS POV A glimpse of a fleeting figure. The yardstick flings the covers and the pillows beneath them in the air. She's startled by a noise downstairs. He hears something in the house. ROONEY His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge. HOUSE. He peeks in. 167 INT. His head snaps around. ROONEY Sleep tight. 163 INT. He's back and she's going to nail him. JEANIE Is Mrs. She stomps in and turns off the snoring synthesizer.He's smiling with great satisfaction. HOUSE. JEANIE I knew it! She grabs the phone and sits down. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie kicks the door open.. She dials a number. 166 INT. FOYER Rooney sneaks into the house. 165 INT. He slinks up on the porch. HOUSE.

173 INT. JOYCE If you're willing to commit a little time and a little money to this place. 168 169 INT. HOUSE. CAR Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house. EXT.J. KITCHEN 172 Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face. 170 171 INT. INT. Jeanie squeals in horror. He hits the deck. HOUSE.168 INT. 173 . back into the kitchen. FOYER Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen. CAR Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear. She flees back up the stairs. D. KITCHEN Rooney comes out of the den. 171 172 INT. KITCHEN Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den. HOUSE. CAR Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the car. you can really have something to be proud of. CAR Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to the radio. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an intruder. I'm pretty flattered. EXT. FOYER Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer. He crosses back toward the foyer. FERRIS' VOICE My input on the Star Wars defense plan was pretty substantial so I guess this is their way of rewarding me. 169 170 INT. VOICE Can you stay around and take a few phone calls? FERRIS' VOICE I'd really like to but I have a kidney operation in about an hour. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in the face.

BOYD How do you watch your mouth? JOYCE Do you know my son? . D. BOYD I knew he was bullshitting.J. INT. D. Joyce gets in.J.Don't let the black living room throw you off. She gives him a curious look. JOYCE (to the kid) Well. Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name. I think you'd like him. Boyd. FERRIS' VOICE Thanks. CAR The door opens. how are you bearing up? The kid stares at her. The clients get in the other side. JOYCE Did I tell you I have a son your age? BOYD Twice. Steve. She opens the car door. BOYD Is he going up in the space shuttle in September? Joyce looks around at Boyd. MOTHER Watch your mouth. JOYCE His name is Ferris. JOYCE Not that I know of. Ferris Bueller. VOICE I wish you the best of luck. VOICE A very interesting guy. A song starts.

KITCHEN Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel. 174 INT. JEANIE It's real nice that you hope my brother's feeling better but I'm in danger. I'd like you to know that I have just called the police. Jeanie's face drops. The intercom goes on. I need help! 175 INT. (pause) My name is Bueller. If whoever's in the house is still in the house. 177 EXT. JEANIE'S VOICE Excuse me. you'll get your ass out of my house real quick. She's in a panic. in our kitchen. It's parked in front of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with parking citations. possibly armed. male caucasian. There's an intruder. JEANIE'S VOICE I'd also like to add that I have my father's gun. JEANIE This is not a phoeny phone call. He thinks it's cute to bait adults. certainly weird. BOYD I don't think it's cute. 176 EXT. I'd rather not have it violated or killed. STREET Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck. And a scorching case of herpes.FATHER Don't pay any attention to him. Rooney stiffens with fear. In the distance SIRENS WAIL. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. We HEAR TIRES 177 176 175 174 . I think it's fun. PARKING LOT The three are waiting for the Ferrari. There's another pause. If you have any brains whatsoever. okay? I'm very cute. I'm very alone and I'm very protective of my body. Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car.

FERRIS Cameron? How many miles did you say this thing had when we left? CAMERON 178 . SLOANE What's next. DOWNTOWN STREET The Ferrari cruises through traffic.SQUEALING. FERRIS This is probably the last time you'll have to ride back here. AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. And back to the speedometer. Ferris hands him the parking stub. He glances down at the speedometer. My parents aren't coming home until late. A BLACK GUY jumps out. CAMERON Nothing. Ferris is driving and Cameron is crammed in the back. Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes. Then the Ferrari pulls down the ramp and jams to a frightening stop. FERRIS Just out of curiosity. what was your top speed coming down the ramp? BLACK GUY (matter-of-fact) About 60. Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in. 178 EXT. We return the car. SLOANE We could go to my house. FERRIS We have enough cash left for a quick flight to Peoria and back. FERRARI Sloane's in the passenger seat. INT. Keep that in mind. CAMERON Very funny. FERRIS Stunning! He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the passenger seat forward for Cameron. then to the road.

CAMERON His eyes are frozen in a mindless. Cameron. EXT. FERRIS Hey. We'll fix it. INT. He's concerned. SLOANE Cameron! Cut it out! What's wrong?! Ferris! CU. CU. EXPRESSWAY The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic. FERRARI Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron. FERRIS He looks at Sloane. We HEAR A THUNDERING. SPEEDOMETER The odometer reads 432. CAMERON He's still holding the stare. He's trembling. Why? How many miles are on it now? He glances down at the speedometer. SLOANE You okay? CU.7. MUFFLED SCREAM. CU. CU. CU.One hundred and twenty six and halfway between three and four tenths. He starts to breathe heavily. FERRIS (to CAMERA) Here's where Cameron goes berserk. FERRIS He shoots Sloane a look. . EXT. Her gesture is one of genuine support. It's okay. vacant stare. TRAFFIC The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. SLOANE She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms.

you. SLOANE What can I do. Cameron? CU.. 179 INT. really. She turns back to Cameron. The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs. But it's a problem for him! So.. JEANIE I'm saved! Thank you. INT. She blinks her eyes. God! Thank you. Her jaw goes slack. 180 EXT. FOYER The doorbell rings.. are you okay? It's no problem. Your old man won't know a thing. SLOANE Shut-up! It is a problem! For him it's a problem. thank you! She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door. It's completely fixable. thank you. FERRIS Eyes front... He knows what he's doing. FERRIS VOICE Who is it? We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom. JEANIE Thank. HER POV 180 179 . She whips it open. just shut-up. FERRARI Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris. FERRIS' HOUSE.. FRONT DOOR The door swings open. HOUSE. Nothing's a problem for you. The Ferris' tape is activated. VOICE Anybody home? FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry that I can't come to the door right now.FERRIS Cameron.

The bus doors open. He climbs aboard the bus. ANOTHER KID Did you get in a fight? Rooney keep walking. Mr. The bus stops. He stops. GIRL She holds her smile. CU. 181 EXT. The door slams shut. A top forty montage. A school bus is crawling alongside him as kids hang out the windows. Rooney takes a deep breath. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET Rooney's walking down the street.. She pushes her Coke bottle glasses up on her nose.. NURSE (sings) WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT WE. CU. ROONEY He looks vacantly at her. GIRL She looks at Rooney and smiles. CU. 182 181 . The DRIVER calls out to him. From inside we hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON BLASTERS. Spread all around them are more flowers. BUS The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES. 182 INT. DRIVER You want a lift? Rooney takes a few more steps. myopic GIRL. KID Hey. A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps up on the porch. GIRL I'll bet you never smelled a real school bus before. Rooney! What're you doing? Rooney doesn't respond. The passengers are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and take an empty seat next to a skinny.The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the door with floral arrangements.

ROONEY He turns him eyes to the front. 184 EXT. All I wanted to do . the SHOUTING RESUMES. GIRL Gummi Bear? CU. The BLASTERS go back on. CU. ROONEY He stares at her. FERRIS This may very well be for real. Sloane's sitting beside him on the table. They're real soft and warm. ROONEY He looks across to the kid. FRESHMAN BOY It's kind of like being in the belly of the beast isn't it? CU. I think Cameron might have blown a micro-chip or two. GIRL She puts one in her mouth. CU. BOY He leans forward. She's stroking his hair. BOY A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring at him. He's always been a little keyed-up. He addresses CAMERA. The bus jerks forward and pulls away. CU. CU. PARK 184 183 Cameron's laying on a picnic table. 183 EXT. BUS It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet street.CU. Ferris WALKS INTO THE FOREGROUND. CU. ROONEY He stares at her. GIRL They've been in pocket. GIRL She holds up a candy package.

He starts back to the picnic table. FERRIS Sloane's a bigger problem. What do they call what they have? If that's love. be-all of human existance. the process of growing up will separate us. CU. Sloane's stroking his hair. At least no one's ever been in love with him. I would. FERRIS My best friend has flipped-out. And we'll see each other at night and on the weekends but then he'll go to one school and I'll go to another. And basically that'll be it. And she's gonna treat him like shit because he's gonna kiss her ass for giving him what he's built-up in his mind as the end-all. That's what my parents call it. He'll work and I'll work. I'll take infatuation. FERRIS (VO) Cameron's never been in love. He's gonna marry the first girl he lays. She still has another year of high school. This isn't just teenage infatuation. SLOANE She's studying Cameron's face. We follow him. personally. She looks away. Then we have the summer. CU. Then back to CAMERA. . How do I deal with that? I was serious when I said I'd marry her. We're gonna graduate in a couple of months.was give him a good day. FERRIS I'm being tested here. It just doesn't work. My. SLOANE Ferris? CU. She won't respect him because you can't respect someone who kisses your ass. I wouldn't fault anybody for doing that. He begins to walk. Conventional wisdom would suggest a visit to the nearest trauma center. CAMERON His eyes are closed. FERRIS He looks to the picnic table. As much as we like each other.

I think this calls for something new, something bold, something wet and wild. 185 CU. JACUZZI JET UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles. CU. BLASTER A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES UP. CU. BEER CAN LID The finger pops a beer. CU. OREO PACKAGE A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper. INT. JACUZZI Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer. Sloane's eating Oreos. FERRIS You feeling any better, Cameron? SLOANE The water's really nice. I wish you'd come in. CU. CAMERON Staring into space. CAMERON Surgery...fire...move... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers her his beer. FERRIS Cameron? Do you think this because of the car or is it a combination of everything shitty in your life? CU. CAMERON He doesn't respond. CAMERON Music...kiss...attack... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS 185

Sloane sips the beer. FERRIS You just can't deal with anymore shit? The car took you into the red zone? Time for a reality check? SLOANE Cameron? I could flip real easy, too. There's nothing wrong with it. At one time or another, everybody goes to the zoo. FERRIS Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe he wasn't bullshitting himself. CU. CAMERON No response. CAMERON Gesundheit...God...mercy... EXT. BACKYARD Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend. CU. CAMERON He smiles. CU. SLOANE She leans forward and stares at Cameron. CU. FERRIS He cocks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to. CU. CAMERON He keels over forward. EXT. BACKYARD Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down, face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for him. UNDERWATER Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water. UNDERWATER

Ferris grabs Cameron's collar and rips him out of the water. EXT. BACKYARD Ferris sits Cameron on the edge of the Jacuzzi. FERRIS CAMERON! CU. CAMERON His eyes are closed. He's lifeless. CU. FERRIS His face is a mask of terror. He shakes Cameron. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. CU. CAMERON A smile spreads across his face. CU. FERRIS He sees the smile. He stops shaking Cameron. EXT. JACUZZI Ferris and Cameron are looking at each other. Sloane's still screaming. She realizes that Cameron's okay. She stops screaming. SLOANE What? FERRIS (Cameron) You asshole! Cameron's smiling. SLOANE What? Ferris starts to laugh. Cameron explodes with laughter. Sloane's bewildered. SLOANE What's so funny? 186 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 186

Jeanie's sitting on a wooden bench with a WASTED TEENAGE BOY in a Triumph t-shirt, long hair, torn jeans, creepers, studs and chains. He's studying her. BOY Drugs?

The boy nods. Jeanie turns away. JEANIE Why are you here? BOY Drugs. I've got the troubles. I hate my brother. I'm straight. He understands the emotion.JEANIE No. I'm serious. . If you've got the time. JEANIE You really want to know what's wrong? The boy shrugs. BOY Then why don't you go home? JEANIE Why don't you put your thumb up your butt? The boy stares at her. The boy crosses his legs. BOY I meant. thank you. not yet. BOY You want to talk about your problem? JEANIE With you? Are you serious? BOY Yeah. How's that? BOY That's cool. JEANIE Blow yourself. JEANIE Alright. Did you shoot him or something? JEANIE No. JEANIE I don't know why I'm here. are you here for drugs? Jeanie stares at him. Jeanie looks back at him. In a nutshell.

The boy nods knowingly. Jeanie stares angrily at him. BOY So. BOY You know him? . BOY Then your problem is you.JEANIE I went home to confirm that the shithead was ditching school and a guy broke into the house and I called the cops and they picked me up for making a phoney phone call. You oughta spend a little more time dealing with yourself and a little less time worrying about what your brother does. Partly because he's so bold and partly because he's so right. you're pissed at him because he ditches and doesn't get caught? JEANIE Basically. JEANIE Why should he get to ditch school when everybody else has to go? BOY You could ditch. BOY What do you care if your brother ditches school? Jeanie stares at the boy. It's just an opinion. you lose a testicle. JEANIE If you say Ferris Bueller. BOY There's somebody you should talk to. Jeanie stares at him threateningly. JEANIE Excuse me? BOY Excuse you. JEANIE I'd get caught.

Ferris. CAMERON'S GARAGE Ferris. CAMERON I've been thinking all day that if you could only have the use of one word. ACCELERATOR A brick's resting on the accelerator. answer his question. CAMERON I was just thinking was like. INT. FERRIS Bathroom. it doesn't make if the present 187 FERRIS I have a agree with you there. holding it down. The engine's racing. The whole time things over. about the future. Cameron. what would it be? FERRIS Sloane is naked before your eyes and you're thinking about words? SLOANE God bless you. SLOANE Come on.CU. 187 CU. The Ferrari is jacked up. SLOANE Really. FERRARI TIRE It's spinning rapidly. CAMERON Thank you. The wheels are turning. I I was thinking And I realized and difference goes to shit. CAMERON If you guys only had one word. JEANIE'S HAND It curls into a fist. Sloane. Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage. what would it be? FERRIS I can't believe you'd think up something like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi right in front of you. . meditating. CY.

ODOMETER Nothing's happening. Ferris and Sloane think about it. Cameron gets up and walks to the Ferrari. FERRIS Hellos' generic. CU. CAMERON It's the only word you could ever use. CAMERON The miles aren't coming off. . FERRIS Cash. INT.. SLOANE You wanna be generic? CAMERON It's help. Cameron smiles at his wisdom. FERRIS And what is you loathe somebody? Are you going to say "love" every time you see them? SLOANE It's better than "hello". CAMERON Ferris? It's not working. running it in reverse. She thinks. Cameron peeks in the window. It's a good choice. Ferris looks up. SLOANE Love.SLOANE I'd say.. FERRIS Hello. CAMERON The word is help. GARAGE Cameron pulls his head out of the car.

CU. against myself. CU. When my father comes home tonight. TIRE The spinning tires slam down on the cement. Cameron shakes his head. I'm gonna do it. She applauds him. against my past. A beat and it gives a mighty shove. FERRIS He turns to CAMERA. against my family. Good or bad. CAMERON I got a better idea. he's finally going to have to deal with me. Let's crack open the odometer and roll it back by hand. He has made up his mind and it appears that it won't be changed by anyone but himself. I'm taking a stand. MERCEDES BUMPER Cameron's foot rests on the bumper. I'm taking a stand against my father. CU. CAMERON Seventeen years and I've never taken a stand.000 . INT. CU. FERRIS This is a big U-2 fan. I will not sit idly by as events that affect me unfold to change the course of my life. Now. It's cool. A $50.FERRIS I thought that might be a problem. my present and my future. SLOANE She smiles proudly at Cameron. GARAGE Cameron has kicked the Ferrari off the jack. CAMERON He's serious and determined. CU. I will take a stand and I will defend it. TIRES It's spinning wildly. CU. It squeals out of the garage in a cloud of blue tire smoke. He walks back around behind the Ferrari.

FERRIS Cameron? One quick question. SLOANE AND FERRIS They're in shock. He's strangely placcid about the impending disaster. Ferris and Sloane are bewildered. INT. SLOANE Why? CAMERON I took a stand. CU. across the street. GARAGE Ferris and Sloane exchange baffled looks. over the curb into the wooded property opposite the house. FERRIS You trashed the car. Why'd you do that? Cameron holds his proud posture for a beat. You wrecked a car. They look at Cameron. Cameron thinks for a moment. . A puzzled look. FERRIS No. He shoots a look to Ferris. CU. Cameron looks across the street. HOUSE The Ferrari shoots down the driveway. He's proud and bold. Then he regains his confidence. THEIR POV The Ferrari travels down the driveway. INT. FERRIS What was that about? SLOANE This has to be a dream. Cameron. GARAGE Cameron watches the car go. TREE The Ferrari's brief journey ends as it smacks a tree trunk. CAMERON It's okay. Then a look of bewilderment comes over his face.unmanned investment heading backwards down a driveway. EXT.

POLICE STATION. JOYCE Thank you. we see Jeanie and the boy making out. I'll use it. SLOANE What about your one word? CAMERON You already did it. OFFICER Oh. I think she'd had a good scare. I want to deal with it by myself. If you're interested. 188 . by the way. First. Second. I don't know why she wasn't at school. Cameron looks at him. JOYCE I hope so. OFFICE Joyce is talking with the juvenile officer. I appreciate your calling me. Outside the office. I don't know why she'd call you with this story about a rapist. He smiles. thanks. I hope you son's feeling better. OFFICER For whatever reasons she did it. JOYCE She's never been in trouble before. 188 INT. If I need it again. He shakes his head. CAMERON It's cool. FERRIS I have an idea. I can assure you that her father and I will have a long talk with her. I'm loose. on the bench. He raises am impish eyebrow. CAMERON No. The gathers her purse and jacket and stands. Joyce looks at the officer curiously. FERRIS I think this could work. This is a shock to me. CAMERON I'm gonna handle it.Ferris looks across the street at the car.

The boy adjusts his pants to better hide his passion. His old man had it coming. BOY For sure. Jeanie wipes her lips and sits up straight. I guess. SLOANE I had a great time today. JOYCE Don't "hi" me. all the guys at the station here are pulling for him. She's still a little bewildered that everybody knows Ferris was ill. It was pretty cool. Jeanie stands up. He had to so it. 190 EXT. JEANIE Hi. BOY What's your name? JEANIE Jean. FERRIS Yeah. 189 INT. I think we can probably get it on pretty good. Get your stuff. WAITING ROOM Jeanie quickly breaks the embrace with the boy as Joyce steps out of the juvenile officer's room.OFFICER Tell him. JEANIE (to the boy) If you keep this to yourself. SLOANE'S BACKYARD Sloane and Ferris are standing at the back fence. What's yours? BOY Garth Volbeck. young lady. I'd be worried if he'd 190 189 . POLICE STATION. He'll be okay. Jeanie reaches down for her purse. SLOANE You think Cameron's gonna be alright? FERRIS Sure.

A significant amount of cash. Sloane nods. SLOANE I LOVE YOU! She backs away from the fence. 191 EXT. 193 CU. Sloane smiles knowingly. springs off. ". I'm just real loose.in the amount of $1. CU.. He leaps. I know it. He jumps a plaster elf. 192 EXT.765.taken my idea. He kisses her. FERRIS I'll call you tonight. A huge smile spreads across her face. He's approaching it from the side. SLOANE She's writing. BEDSPREAD Neatly bundles stacks of bills and rolled coins. Sloane watches him go. Ferris jumps the fence and takes off across the backyards. SLOANE You didn't have an idea. MUSIC FADES UP. FERRIS No. CU. It gives us great pleasure to assist 193 . BACKYARD Ferris sprints across a backyard. hits the diving board. does a flip and lands on the grass on the other side of the pool. SLOANE He's gonna marry me.33. She turns and runs into the house. SLOANE You're so smart. He runs directly for a swimming pool. did you? FERRIS Not a glimmer.. PIECE OF PAPER We see a portion of the typewritten letter as she signs it. ANOTHER BACKYARD 192 191 Ferris vaults a fence.

FERRIS' HOUSE Tom pulls in the driveway. HOUSE. Sincerely. CU. He reaches down and lifts the doormat. Ferris moves to the side. BACK PORCH Ferris tries the door. FERRIS' STREET He's running down the middle of the street. fixing dinner and out her backdoor. Sloane Peterson Executive Director The Ferris Bueller Foundation" 194 EXT. He does a take. A car honks. HIS POV Rooney's looking down at him. It's locked. He parks and gets out.you in performance of your worthy and much needed survives to those so desperately in need. He smiles. He glances in the mirror. CU. MIRROR We see Ferris cut across a front lawn and into a house. EXT. INT. An OMNIOUS CHORD IS STRUCK. HIS POV. HOUSE Ferris runs through the kitchen. Tom's at the wheel. CU. PORCH Ferris stands up. PORCH The outline of a key in the dirt under the mat. Joyce pulls in from the other direction. The toe of a chewed-up dress shoe steps INTO FRAME. 196 EXT. The car pulls around him. past a WOMAN. 197 196 195 194 . FERRIS He stares up in horror. CAR. The key's gone. The Woman looks up curiously. TOM He realizes it couldn't be Ferris. He's holding the house key. 195 INT. 197 EXT.

Then it dawns on him what's happening. Ferris limps into the house. the backdoor opens. Ferris is caught. She rushes Ferris and hugs him. His victory is evaporating. PORCH Jeanie breaks the embrace. He smiles. JEANIE (to Rooney) Thank you for bringing him home. Rooney gloats severely. EXT. This time I finally got you.ROONEY Looking for this? FERRIS Yes. Ferris. you're alright! We've been worried sick! CU. CU. ROONEY How does another year of high school sit with you? Suddenly. Mr. ROONEY He's dumbfounded. JEANIE . ROONEY I got you. JEANIE Thank God. Jeanie looks out. Rooney. ROONEY His eyes dart from Ferris to Jeanie to Ferris. CU. There's no way out. JEANIE Can you imagine someone as sick as Ferris trying to walk home from the hospital? (shakes her head) Kids! CU. FERRIS A moment of curiosity. (to Ferris) You better get up in bed tight now. She feigns joy and relief.

CU. A huge smile passes over her face. ROONEY A look of terror as he realizes that is was Jeanie who kicked him and that Jeanie knows it was he who she kicked. FERRIS No. He crosses to the refrigerator and opens it. GROWL. He looks at his little brother. ROONEY He senses new danger. shit! Ferris takes out a bottle of orange juice out of the refrigerator and drinks straight from the bottle. Not only has he lost Ferris again. but Kimberly's is. KITCHEN Kimberly and Todd are sitting at the kitchen table watching TV and eating cereal. PORCH Jeanie steps into the house. TODD Ferris? Does my head look like it's getting bigger? Ferris leans against the counter as he tries to catch his breath. His head pops up off the grass. 199 EXT. Rooney squeezes his eyes shut. KIMBERLY (to Todd) Is he serious? TODD I think so. Kimberly feels her head. KIMBERLY Oh. CU.She raises her hands and strikes a karate pose. he has Jeanie to deal with next year. CU. lost. YARD. We hear AN O. They look up at Ferris as he comes in from outside. Jeanie comes in.C. 200 INT. DOG The click of the door wakes him up. dejected. HOUSE The door closes on Rooney's defeated. 200 199 198 . 198 INT. EXT. bewildered face.

FERRIS It's completely cool. SECOND FLOOR LANDING Ferris and Jeanie stop. HOUSE. 202 INT. Ferris and Jeanie step gingerly through the flowers and head upstairs. I borrowed some cash from you. I'll pay you back. guys. Ferris gives her a proud smile. I've been ripping off your wallet for years. JEANIE No problem. KIMBERLY Is my head swelling up? 203 INT. FERRIS I want to. 204 203 202 201 . JOYCE (to Todd and Kimberly) Hi. FERRIS By the way. plants and gifts. Mom! 204 INT. FERRIS Upstairs. He affects a sickly voice. JEANIE You don't have to. JOYCE (OC) Ferris! Ferris continues up the stairs. JEANIE I'm sorry I've been riding your buns for so long. Jeanie. FOYER The foyer is jammed with floral arrangements. 201 EXT. JEANIE You don't have to.FERRIS Thanks. KITCHEN Ferris and Jeanie exit the kitchen as Joyce and Tom enter. HOUSE Joyce and Tom head up to the kitchen.

don't make me stay home again. JEANIE Is he cool? FERRIS He's cool. TOM I know I'm right. brushes the crumbs off his hands and peels off his shirt. BEDROOM Tom and Joyce hover over him with deep concern. Dad. Ferris walks into the room. JOYCE How did you get so sweet? 205 . Please. FERRIS (deathly gasp) 150% better. I'm graduating in June and I. You're sick. They walk over to the bed. He climbs into bed. FERRIS The same deathly face he had in the morning. Joyce leans over and kisses him forehead. thank you.. FERRIS I'm much better. 205 INT. But stay away from his brother. FERRIS Maybe you're right. I want to go to school. TOM (OC) Ferris? How do you feel? He pulls in his tongue to speak. There's no point pushing yourself and making it worse. Joyce sits down. No sooner are the covers over him than the bedroom door opens and Joyce and Tom walk in.. TOM Ferris. really. Tongue out.JEANIE Do you know a guy named Garth Volbeck? FERRIS Vaguely. JOYCE Honey? CU. eyes bulging.

life is a carousel. MUSIC UP BIG END TITLES THE END . A great big crazy ball of pure living. FERRIS The hideous face. He smiles. FERRIS (happy sigh) Yeah. He and Joyce exit. A beat and we HEAR THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSE. Tom pats Ferris on the rump. breathing joy and delight.FERRIS Years of practice. He rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his head. FERRIS You gotta get one. Ferris looks at CAMERA. CU.