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SCREEN MAIN TITLES IT'S SILENT. A BEAT...AND AN EXPLOSION OF SOUND. A HOUSEHOLD IN THE MORNING. KIDS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL. CLOCK RADIOS. KITCHEN APPLIANCES. SHOWERS. FIGHTING. PEOPLE YELLING. DOG BARKING. APPLIANCES BUZZING. CAR HORNS. IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE YOUR HOUSE DID. STREAMS OF ROCK'N ROLL FADE IN AND OUT. HUEY LEWIS TO LIONEL RITCHIE TO HUSKER DU. SURROUND MAKES IT FEEL LIKE YOU'RE IN THE ROOM. AN AURAL TOUR OF A HOUSE ON A SCHOOL MORNING. BEGINING IN THE KITCHEN AND MOVING UPSTAIRS. FATHER'S VOICE (TOM) Where's my wallet?! SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY (TODD) YOU IDIOT!! TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL (KIMBERLY) MOM! TODD SHUT-UP! EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL (JEANIE) I NEED A TOWEL!! TOM JOYCE! KIMBERLY (whispers, sadistic) When you turn ten, your head's going to swell up real big like a watermelon and we're going to have to put you to sleep like they do with a dog. TODD MOM! TOM JOYCE!! JEANIE WHO PISSED ON THE TOILET SEAT!? MOTHER!! TOM 1
Where's Mom? TODD Is my head going to swell up? TOM What?! JEANIE OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!! MOTHER (JOYCE) (screams) TOM! The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP. TODD What's that? KIMBERLY Wait! Hold still! TODD What?! KIMBERLY You heads starting to swell up!! Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the hallway. A door open. TOM (breathless) What's the matter? JOYCE (worried) It's Ferris! TOM What's wrong? JOYCE (snaps) What's wrong? For Christ's sake! Look at him! 2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA. His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side. 3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties. Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed 3 2
for work. TOM Ferris? JOYCE He doesn't have a fever. But he says his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots. 4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS His lifeless eyes blink. 5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead. TOM What's the matter, Ferris? JOYCE Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy. Tom takes one of Ferris' hands. TOM (discreetly) Should you call the doctor? JOYCE (whispers) He doesn't want me to. TOM Why don't you want Mom to call the doctor? Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can manage is a choked gasp. TOM What? Ferris tries again. FERRIS (raspy) Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up. He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down. FERRIS I have a test today. I have to take it. I want to get into a good college so I can have a fruitful life... JOYCE You're not going to school like this. (to Tom) Maybe I should call the office and 5 4
. His body stiffens and he chokes. I wanna puke. Cherish it. Be thankful that you're fit and have your health. JEANIE (to herself) Oh. JEANIE You're not falling for this. FERRIS Is that Jeanie? I can't see that far. FERRIS I'm okay. Jeanie. Ferris. JOYCE (annoyed) Thank you. defeated) You're really letting him stay home? I can't believe this. TOM That's enough. FERRIS Please don't be upset with me. Jeanie? JEANIE Pucker up and squat. JEANIE (angry. JEAN Oh. you guys'd make me go to school. She glares at Ferris. She's cute and stuck-up. Get to school. KIMBERLY Myocardial infarction? JOYCE . Jeanie. A major pill. She's dressed for school.Oh. God! He's gripped by a seizure. Dry that one out and you can fertilize the lawn. Ferris' brother. JEANIE. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. What's this? What's his problem? JOYCE He doesn't feel well. If I was bleeding out my eyes. Mom. TODD and sister. walks into the room. right. JEAN Yeah. His older sister. fine. It's so unfair. are you? Tell me you're not falling for this. KIMBERLY peek into the room. Jeanie.tell them I won't be in. She slips out of the room. I feel perfectly..
. I'll just sleep. caring parents. Daddy'll be right down. JOYCE (to Ferris) I'm showing houses to the family from California today but I'll be in the area. Maybe I'll have an aspirin around noon.Get your stuff. FERRIS It's nice to know I have such loving. My office'll know where I am. FERRIS I'll be okay. FERRIS 6 . TOM Get downstairs! KIMBERLY If he dies. I got dibs on his stereo. TOM I'll check it with you.. KIMBERLY (OC) A WATERMELON! TODD (yells out the room) Shut-up! JOYCE Get downstairs! NOW! Todd backs out of the room. too. She turns sharply and exits. KIMBERLY Syphilitic meningitus? That would be a huge family embarrassment. TODD (worried) Dad? Does my head look alright? JOYCE Get downstairs! Now! TODD Just answer me one question! Is it swelling up? Kim said it was going to get as big as. 6 CU. You're both very special people. if you need me.
And to make them work you have to go a hundred and one. The pall of the sickroom disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight. It's physical evidence of illness. TV SCREEN The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. A sly. The lock clicks. FERRIS Parents always fall for the clammy hands. You get a nervous mother and you end up in a doctor's office 10 9 8 7 . 10 INT. 8 CU.He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids. FERRIS Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. JOYCE (OC) We love you. non-specific symptom. TOM Get some rest. hundred and two. The MTV logo is playing. TOM (OC) Call if you need us. BEDROOM Ferris yanks open the drapes. 9 CU. 7 INT. FERRIS Ferris lets out a wheeze. It's a good. JOYCE She strokes Ferris' hair. little smile crawls across his lips. Tom pats his shoulder. JOYCE I hope you feel better. They close the door. FERRIS They bought it. (looks out the window) What a beautiful day! He turns from the window. The MTV theme music ROARS IN. Parents are generally pretty hip to the fever scams. His glassy eyes follow his parents to the door. Ferris' eyes shift from the door to CAMERA. pumpkin. BEDROOM. She leans down and kisses his forehead. sweetie.
and that's worse than school. SHOWER STALL. Through the pebbled glass of the shower door we see Ferris' outline. I absolutely make this one count. What's the point? I'm not European. FERRIS I don't care if you're fifty five or seven. FERRIS I do actually have a test. BATHROOM. So. I don't plan to be European. It's a beautiful day. FERRIS It's on European socialism. who gives a shit if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists and it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. Right? He equalizes the sound a little. FERRIS That I care about it was. This If I have must FERRIS is my ninth sick day with semester. He pops up. FERRIS Fake a stomach cramp and when you're doubled over. I mean. Ferris' hair is standing straight up. He exits into the hallway. How can I be expected to handle high school? He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. 12 INT. everybody needs a day off now and then. He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV broadcast. really. 12 11 . It's a little stupid and childish but then so if high school. just lick your palms. A NEW SONG begins. He turns on the shower water. He steps into the shower. It's moulded into a fin with shampoo. BATHROOM Ferris walks into the bathroom. Inside the shower. 11 INT. I'm probably going to to barf up a lung. go for ten. moaning and wailing. So. It's littered with Jean's debris. That wasn't bullshit.
Two weeks. (pause) Be careful when you deal with old hippies. Just like that. Afterall. BEDROOM Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed. TWIST AND SHOUT. FERRIS (sings) WELL SHAKE IT UP.He turns the shower head around and uses it like a microphone. FERRIS I could be the Walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off people. he was the Walrus. FERRIS My uncle went to Canada to protest the war. FERRIS (OC) I'm not very political? Let me put that into perspective.. 14 INT. Uncle Jeff? In wartime you want to be a pacifist and in peacetime you want to be a soldier. "What's the deal. right? On the Fourth of July he was down with my aunt and he got drunk and told my Dad he felt guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam. "Isms". BABY. LATER Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. Or and "isms".. They can be real touchy. He opens his door.. FERRIS Not that I condone fascism. 13 INT. He should believe in himself." A good point there. 14 13 . HALLWAY. "I don't believe in Beatles. in my opinion are not good. So I said. I just believe in me.. A person should not believe in an "ism". It took you twenty years to find out you don't believe in anything?" (snaps his fingers) Grounded. He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it. He passes CAMERA and goes into his room. John Lennon said it on his first solo album. He's drying his hair with another of a different color.
She only puts out so people will hang out with her.. I always felt for Garth. I do what I can for him. If she listens to the White Album now? She doesn't hear music. FERRIS My mother was a hippie. which is complete bullshit. Nostalgia is her favorite drug. I hope not.15 INT. Do unto others. . I like him. It isn't his fault that his brother's screwed-up. BEDROOM He walks across the room to his dresser. FERRIS His name is Garth Volbeck. He steps back from the closet and puts it on. He drops the towel. He's in jail. 16 . There was no specific thing he was crying about. He picks it up. I wouldn't want him here. right? Anyway. I asked him what was wrong and he said. Mainly his older brother. if I was him. (pause) My parents never allowed Garth over here. Nothing was wrong. I could see them not wanting his brother here because he is a registered psycho. He gets dressed as he speaks. It was because of his family. He's a serious outsider. He opens his underwear drawer. she hears memories. 15 16 INT. He finds a shirt he likes. "Nothing". his mother owns a gas station.. I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of artificial fruit just so he could see what it was like to have his stomach pumped. I mean. But Garth isn't his brother. I'm probably his only friend. He pulls out a pair of underwear. too. But she lost it. I was sleeping at his house once and I was laying on the dark worrying that his brother was going to come in and hack me to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying. Not a bad guy. I'd appreciate it. CLOSET The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts. Better to hold it against the guys who use her and don't care about her. The smoke tasted like glue. FERRIS In eighth grade a friend of mine made a bong out of one of these. Alot of fights with the parents on that point. It'll probably be mine. There's an old model of a submarine on the top of the dresser. She got old. It's sad but I don't hold it against her. His father's dead and his sister's rumored to be a prostitute.
Garth doesn't need his brother to give him a rep anymore. FERRIS That and boredom. It was a habit. Alot of people ditch and feel great for about an hour. He's lost. STAIRCASE Ferris comes down the stairs. FERRIS You have to plan things out before you take the day off. Figure that shit out. HOUSE. Otherwise you get all nervous worrying about what to do and all you get is grief and the whole point is to take it easy. He crosses to the pantry. He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice. he can't sleep. Then they realize there's nothing to do. He doesn't like what he's wearing. He just cried himself to sleep every night. He's wearing a completely different outfit. TV and food. His legacy is a gas station. Gone from life. FERRIS Unfortunately. He's getting one on his own. He's eighteen. How could you possibly dump on guy who has to deal with that kinda shit? My parents acknowledge the trudge of the situation and I'm sure that deep down. he wasn't really even aware that he was crying. I myself have ditched and gotten so bored I did homework. now my parents have a legit argument. Gone from school. He continues his speech as he disrobes. KITCHEN Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the refrigerator. FERRIS One very serious danger is playing sick is that it's possible to believe your own act. FERRIS 18 17 . they do feel for him but still the guy's banned from our house. 17 INT. 18 INT. The guy's so conditioned to grief that if he doesn't feel it.In fact. He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet door. cut loose and enjoy. It's over for him.
modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. FERRIS He remote controls the TV on. 21 INT. A prime house in a prime location... PHONE He punches out a number.. FERRIS Avoid the misery.yes. CAMERON Food. dreary sick room.shelter. 23 22 21 20 19 . he looks at someone like me and thinks.. ANOTHER HOUSE A sleek. 19 INT.no.You blow your day and at about three o'clock. FERRIS There's alot of pressure at work in my age group. you're going to wish you'd gone to school so you could be out having fun. rich future ahead of him. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY is playing.. BOY'S BEDROOM It's a dark. is laying in bed.. FAMILY ROOM.. 22 EXT. Do it right. when everybody's out of school.. FERRIS That's just one reason why I need a day off every now and then. A high school boy. CAMERON FRYE. only a silhouette with a thermometer sticking out his mouth. He sets it in his lap. He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos. FAMILY ROOM Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair. what's he got to bitch about?" 20 CU. And it's not always recognized. A telephone rings OVER. FERRIS Some guy whose hair is falling out and his stomach's hanging over his belt and everything he eats makes him fart. nightstand a still-life of over the counter remedies. 23 INT. He's mumbling random words. We don't see his face. floor strewn with used tissues. Shades drawn. "This kid's young and strong and has a full. Plan your day. He reaches over and picks up the telephone.
FERRIS' VOICE How do you feel? CAMERON Shredded. CAMERON She's not home. CAMERON I feel like complete shit. Get dressed and come over. Where are you? FERRIS' VOICE Home. 25 INT. Cameron slowly hangs up the phone. CAMERON'S ROOM Cameron's insistant. CAMERON (weak) Hello? FERRIS' VOICE Cameron! What's happening? CAMERON Very little. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker phone button. come on over and pick me up. Ferris disconnects. FERRIS I'm taking the day off. 25 24 . CAMERON'S VOICE I can't. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry to hear that. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM. 24 INT. I'm sick. FERRIS' VOICE Is your mother in the room? Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth. CAMERON I'm dying.The phone rings. Come on over. Ferris. FERRIS It's all in your head. Now. I can't go anywhere. FERRIS Ferris is sprawled out in the chair.
Pardon by French but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass. He has alot of things to sort out before he graduates. 27 INT. His roommate'll kill him. SCHOOL. Cameron hits the speaker button. A shoe's POV. it's Cameron. HALLWAY We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. (after-thought) And Cameron would worry that he'd owe taxes on it. But I like him. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM Ferris hangs up. TEACHER'S VOICE Anheiser? BOY'S VOICE Here.. TEACHER'S VOICE Busch? GIRL'S VOICE 27 26 . He's a little easier to take when you know why he's like he is. GIRL'S VOICE Here. He can't be wound this tight and go to college. The boy cannot relax. pristine loafers. It travels past a teacher's Hush Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow Reebocks. FERRIS' VOICE You're not dying. You just can't think of anything good to do. scuffed heels. FERRIS If anybody needs a day off. I've come close myself. CAMERA enters a classroom. 26 INT.The phone rings again. in two weeks you'd have a diamond.. rotting Air Jordans. TEACHER'S VOICE Albers? BOY'S VOICE Here. TEACHER'S VOICE Anderson.
Simone. He's wearing a hockey mash. He reaches down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve. FERRIS He throws himself back against the chair. FAMILY ROOM. He's steering. (pause) My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out at 31 Flavors last night.Here. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? GIRL'S VOICE He's sick. GIRL'S VOICE (cheery) No problem whatsoever. INT. FERRIS He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war wagon. 28 CU. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that it's empty. TV The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws Humongous back in his seat. The big chase at the end. TV THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. CU. TV Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve. TEACHER'S VOICE (weary) Thank you. TEACHER'S VOICE Drucker? BOY'S VOICE What? WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD. I guess it's pretty serious. CU. 28 . CU. He gives it a twist.
I'll pay it back. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE ROOM. With interest. FERRIS This is really degrading. TV The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the tanker truck. TV IMPACT! MOZART COMES UP. Petite pink flowers. make-up. hey. braced for collision. He comes up with a five. TV The was wagon hurtles down the road. FERRIS Financing my activities this way. FERRIS He rears back in horror. CU. records. I'm broke. CU. CU. He holds up a twenty and snaps it. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY" 29 . head thrown back. A pink and powder blue pig pen. FERRIS Arms outstretched. how gross they act or how wicked and insensitive they can be.CU. FERRIS He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high speed ride. A flowering crabtree branch. In times of crisis one must to what one must to. how often they rat on you. 29 CU. Ferris is sitting on her bed going through a purse. Very damaging to the self-image. He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill. books. CU. FERRIS Regardless of how much shit sisters make you eat. Clothes everywhere. CU. It's Jeanie's room. But. you should not alientate them. Because most likely they have cash and it's usually very easy to get your hands on. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH Outside a bedroom window.
It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp. Another crumpled bill surfaces. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth. HALL CLOSET The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets of the coats. LIVING ROOM The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions. CU. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. bleached singles that have gone through the wash lay on top of the washer. 35 CU. A roll of Tums. 31 INT. SOFA Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice. A screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and pops them apart. WASHING MACHINE TOP A couple of stiff. COIN COLLECTION The familiar blue collector's album. FLOOR AND BED 40 39 38 37 36 35 34 33 32 31 30 . the quarters are being popped out of their slots. a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. hard. A hand peels the bills off the backing. KITCHEN DRAWER Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. A ten. BIRTHDAY CARD It's a child's card. 33 CU. 37 CU. new five. dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the floor. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET An obvious gift from a grandparent. Mint proof set. 36 CU.COMES UP.S. 30 INT. Then a modest wad of bills. A U. One-by-one. PARENTS' BEDROOM Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. 38 CU. 32 CU. 39 INT. 40 CU. He closes the door. A squirt gun. SNOOPY BANK It's being shaken furiously. A hand scoops them up. His face lights up as he counts out the cash. 34 CU. Locating a dollar bill. VACCUUM CLEANER The dusty.
They're also real estate agents. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. Volbeck's dead set against putting any money into the house. 43 CU. JOYCE No one's going to consider a house with a black living room. finally. Let's be realistic. It pries the door open. HIGH SCHOOL A modern. 48 47 46 45 44 43 42 41 . OFFICE Joyce is behind a desk. a charred doll's head. His arm reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed.Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. KITCHEN Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table. Not even those jerks from Vermont. 48 EXT. The SONG ENDS. A cute little building in town. An awl is driven in between the door and the jamb. 46 EXT. 41 CU. I'm so sorry. a Zippo lighter and. AGENT 1 Mrs. 44 INT. JOYCE Joyce Bueller. TABLE LEG Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used to balance the table. a five dollar bill. JOYCE Oh. 42 INT. She take the call. Across from her are two WOMEN. MORNING A suburban realty company. I completely forgot to call. Inside are trading cards. KITCHEN Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter. my God. 45 CU. FERRIS' BED A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. Her eyes open wide with alarm. BANK It's on a work bench. Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. 47 INT. suburban high school.
CU. CU. It completely slipped my mind. ROONEY If Ferris thinks he coast this last month and still graduate. The hall is clogged with students. DEAN'S OFFICE. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. DEAN'S VOICE I just had his file up. COMPUTER MONITOR The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records. Moderately priced dress shoes. 50 INT. DEAD OF STUDENTS. Ferris is home sick. JOYCE'S VOICE This is all news to me. he's sorely mistaken. ROONEY I just has his file up. We hear the dean inside the office. I am. DESK SIGN It reads. SCHOOL. SCHOOL. He removes his feet from the desk and turns in his swivel chair. JOYCE'S VOICE Yes. Bueller. DEAN'S VOICE Are you also aware that Ferris does not have what we consider an exemplary attendance record? 51 INT. OFFICE. CU. Behind him is a computer terminal. I had a meeting first thing this morning. neatly combed hair. INT. JOYCE'S VOICE I don't understand. behind the sign. He's confident to the point of arrogance. He's toying with a pencil. DEAN ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. clean and straight as an I-beam. ROONEY. 51 50 49 . HALLWAY It's a passing period. Short. Mrs. I should have called. The dean's feet are up on the desk. He's tough.MAN'S VOICE Are you aware that your son is not in school today? 49 INT. suit and tie. EDWARD R.
54 53 52 . FERRIS I wanted a car. JOYCE I can give you every assurance that Ferris is home and that he is. ROONEY I have it right here in front of me. SPEAKER The grille cloth is throbbing.. I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign? 53 INT. very ill. CU. CU. CU. JOYCE'S VOICE Nine times? Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a number 2. INT. Including today. but in Ferris' case. SOLO GUITAR. LED METERS The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone. FERRIS' BEDROOM MUSIC BLASTS.. TV MONITOR We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck. He reads off the screen. JOYCE'S OFFICE She's still on the phone with Rooney. he's truly a very sick boy. 52 INT. in fact. He's missed. He looks closer at the screen. He has his record up on the screen. OFFICE Rooney turns to the monitor.ROONEY'S VOICE So far this semester alone. I can appreciate that at this time of year children are prone to taking the day off. FERRIS' ROOM Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. he's been absent nine times. 54 INT. I debated whether or not I should even leave him. He's playing.
He sighs deeply and fall back on the bed. (point to the phone) Freshman.CU. 56 INT. man. FERRIS A sample of my blood was sent to Atlanta to the Center for Disease Control. HALLWAY 58 57 56 55 . GIRL A whole bunch of people. FERRIS' ROOM He's in bed on the phone. JEANIE What're you sorry for? I have to live with the trouser snake. (to the phone) Did you see Alien? When the guy had the creature in his stomach? It feels like that. GIRL No. Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl. GIRL I'm really sorry about your brother. HALLWAY Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. I'm bricking heavily. 57 INT. GIRL This guy in my biology class said that if Ferris dies he's giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's really sweet isn't he? She smiles and exits. CAMERON'S ROOM He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. She kicks her locker shut. SCHOOL. I don't know. 55 INT. Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment. JEANIE Who said he's sick. I mean I heard he's really sick. A GIRLFRIEND comes up to her. VIDEO CAMERA A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape. They said he's like on the verge of death. SCHOOL. 58 INT.
BOY Anyway. We gotta split. SECOND BOY (to Third Boy) Shit. sure.A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone.. BOY Goddamn! Are you kidding? SECOND BOY What? BOY Did you see Alien? SECOND BOY No. I hope he doesn't die. BOY You never rented the video cassette? Second boy shakes his head. The boy snatches a passing GIRL. GIRL Hello? (pause) Who? (pause) . (pause) Huh?. Hold on. I appreciate you letting us know how you're doing. why? He hands her the phone. no.Yeah.. THIRD BOY (to the Second Boy) Who's he talking to? SECOND BOY Ferris Bueller. BOY Did you see Alien? GIRL Yeah. You know him? THIRD BOY (excited) Yeah. He's getting me out of summer school. I can't handle summer school. A couple of his BUDDIES are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news. BOY Oh. He's really wasted.
geeks. Ferris. wonkers. FERRIS' HOUSE It's a glorious late spring day. A florist's truck drives past the house. The last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. His SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder. To show these kids that the example he sets is a first class ticket to nowhere. my God! You're dying? Is it serious? (pause) Shiit! Are you upset? 59 INT. ROONEY What's so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is that he gives the good kids bad ideas. ROONEY Really? He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint. You sounded like Dirty Harry just now. FERRIS' ROOM He's on the telephone. dweebies. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. you better not throw anybody. motorheads. Ed. Rooney stares at her for a long beat. How's your bod? (jaw drops) Oh. 60 EXT.Hi. richies. Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile. ROONEY I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him! SECRETARY With your bad knee. SECRETARY (impressed) Ooo. SECRETARY He's very popular. pinheads. they all adore him. As he speaks he does a little 61 60 59 . 61 INT. ROONEY That's exactly why I have to catch him this time. Ed. sluts. Sportos.
CAMERON I'm sick. making me wait around the house for you. This is bullshit. TOM'S VOICE Ferris? 65 INT. FERRIS You want to stay home and try to have the shits? Try to barf? Try to feel worse? CAMERON'S VOICE I don't have to try. TOM'S OFFICE 65 64 63 62 . He puts Cameron on hold. we'd be surfing. A Modigliani nude. 63 INT. I got another call. you can find a new best friend. 62 INT. DOWNTOWN A LaSalle Street office tower.MacPainting on his MacIntosh. He clears his throat and answers the second line. FERRIS Cameron. man. if you're not over here in fifteen minutes. I'm serious. Why can't you leave me alone? FERRIS' VOICE You're not up for some good times? It's a beautiful day. CAMERON'S BEDROOM Cameron's back in bed. It's almost summer. FERRIS' ROOM He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness. If this was Hawaii. OFFICE BUILDING. You're boring me with this stuff. The other phone line rings. FERRIS Be a man. FERRIS H--hell-o? 64 EXT. FERRIS Squeeze you buns for a second. I feel like shit. He sounds like he's on his last breath. Take some Pepto Bismol and get dressed.
pal. Hold on. I'm working on getting some heavy bucks out of him. Are you busted? FERRIS It's completely cool. TOM Were you sleeping? FERRIS' VOICE I was trying to do some homework. Bye. FERRIS' VOICE Really? Darn! I thought I was improving. it's sure great of you to call. Nice office. He switches back to his sick voice. The moment before you called. He's just checking up on me. He disconnects and gets his father back. INT.He's behind his desk. FERRIS (OC) I'm so worried about falling behind. COMPUTER MONITOR A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making. FERRIS Sorry. CAMERON'S VOICE Oh. Herman Miller desk and chair. So. Dad. the least you can do is hurry up and get over here. that's just great. But gee. listen to me. It was making me ill looking at it. He puts his father on hold. Two windows. FERRIS' ROOM He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke. FERRIS Cameron? It's my Dad. 66 . Now. FERRIS Dad? Can you hold on a second? TOM'S VOICE Sure. TOM You sound miserable. Are you alright? FERRIS Just a little phlegm on the phone. I had a chest spasm and I blew lung fluid all over the place. 66 CU.
DIAMONDVISION SCREEN Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard. FERRIS Oh. 68 INT. The screen dumps the drawing. It was a mammoth gesture. FERRIS You work so hard I'll bet you don't even remember where those bonds are. FERRIS You had to work hard for the money to buy those things. It's like those savings bonds you used to give me every Christmas. 67 EXT. right? TOM'S VOICE Not any harder than anybody else. right? Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father. TOM'S VOICE Hey. INT.I'm sure there're alot of fathers who wouldn't take time out from their busy schedules to call a dumb. TOM'S VOICE Wrong. You're just trying to cheer me up. FERRIS Give yourself some credit. FERRIS' ROOM He blows a smoke ring. Dad. Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them. CU. (looks at CAMERA and smiles) It was that kind of concern. pal. He lights a cigarette. 68 67 . what was I supposed to do? Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer. CHICAGO LOOP. sick teenager. yeah? You're pulling my leg. Pedestrians stop to look. COMPUTER SCREEN A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA". He nods. FERRIS' ROOM He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the desk.
FERRIS You don't have to. if they didn't. Ferris smiles. Ferris sighs. He looks at CAMERA. (thinks) Of course. CAMERON FERRIS disappointed in Cameron. He turns his desk chair around and gets up. TOM'S VOICE Okay. I take it back. No doubt about it. CAMERON He's sitting behind the wheel of his car. you lose some. I hope my kids don't pull this shit on me.TOM'S VOICE Like hell I am. CAR. He cuts the engine. sick voice) Dad? All this talking has made me kind of light-headed. FERRIS (to CAMERA. Dad. 69 . pal. He's gotten exactly what he wants. TOM'S VOICE I want to. normal voice) Was that a class move or what? The guy gave it up faster than a drunk Catholic girl. I'm so Twenty in his or not 69 INT. bucks says he's sitting car debating about whether he should go out. I'll call you after lunch. they'd be dumb and abnormal and they'd probably never move out of my house and I'd have to support them until I die. CAMERON We're gonna get caught. I think I better lie down. (to the phone. You take care. They're in a shoebox in my closet. He hangs up. Bye now. FERRIS You win some.
I'm not doing it. 70 CU. He goes into the bathroom. FERRIS Cameron's also the only guy I know who knows what strategic metals are. ominously. A HERALDIC STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater. He leafs through the pages for the pictorials as he speaks. The reason he doesn't fell good is. Another beat. He sighs and restarts the engine. He's the only guy I know who's deeply concerned that when he grows up there'll be a critical shortage of strategic metals. HALLWAY Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway. DRESSER DRAWER Hands curl around the drawer pulls. He exits the room. CAMERON Actually. CLASSROOM. Another beat. FERRIS (sings) MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER.. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC. He sits for half a beat. The guy is a shellfish when it comes to making a decision. INT. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM DOWN.. (waves the magazine) Pardon moi. CAMERON He'll keep calling until I come over. SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED. Ferris'll escape. FERRIS Cameron'll go on like that for a good thirty minutes. The hands lift a sweater out. he worries about everything. 72 INT. He stops the engine. The drawer is opened slowly. 71 INT. what'll happen is I'll get caught. FERRIS' ROOM He takes out the magazine. LATER 72 71 70 .
For a moment. She's staring out the window as a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry. SLOANE A smile curls across her lips. watches the nurse curiously. 73 INT. SLOANE She. SLOANE PETERSON. She looks at the kids. CLASSROOM. dusty lecture.A stunningly beautiful girl. 74 73 . INT. ROONEY He has a suspicious look on his face. (sneezes) Pardon me. He nods grimly to the Nurse. NURSE She's a picture of compassion and understanding. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear. The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. HALLWAY The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand. TEACHER AND NURSE The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece of disturbing news. NURSE May I see you outside for a moment? There's been an emergency. 74 CU. NURSE Sloane Peterson? SLOANE Sits up in her seat. like the others. NURSE (nods solemnly) Dead grandmother. is sitting at her desk in a history class. TEACHER Roosevelt's health had seriously deteriorated by the time he met with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta. the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard him sneeze. SLOANE (whispers) Dead grandmother. As she gathers her books she looks to the GIRL next to her.
MAN'S VOICE Ed? This is George Peterson. I see her alot with Ferris Bueller. He thinks for a beat then reaches for the phone. Rooney is startled. Peterson. I had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane. SECRETARY It's Mr. ROONEY How are you today. She stops and answers the desk phone. . DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's at his desk. She puts the call on hold. Peterson's daytime number? As the secretary starts out of the room. ROONEY Could you get me Mr. Peterson said.ROONEY Dead grandmother? INT. ROONEY Ed Rooney. He punches the phone button. His secretary is standing across from him. (pause) Yes. sir? MAN'S VOICE We've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard. Can you hold? Thank you. SECRETARY Edward Rooney's office. SECRETARY Do you still want his number? Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. SECRETARY That's what Mr. She smiles and backs out. Rooney smiles. ROONEY Who's this girl's going with? SECRETARY It's so hard to tell. His suspicions are confirmed. Rooney's phone rings.
Cart the stiff in and I'll turn over your daughter. I'm gonna set a trap and let his walk right into it! (to phone) That's right. You produce a corpse and I'll release Sloane. please. Nervy litttle punk. sure. ROONEY I'll tell you want. ROONEY What!? SECRETARY Ferris Bueller's on line two. She's waving her arms furiously. She stomps her foot. Was this your mother? Rooney's other line rings. 75 INT. SECRETARY'S OFFICE She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other line. It's so obvious it's not Mr. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line. 76 75 . Huh? Oh. 76 INT. I'd be happy to release Sloane. He's angry. SECRETARY Hold. The secretary stops cold in the doorway. She hurried into Rooney's office. you can just come on down and smooch by big old ugly ass. ROONEY I heard. It's school policy. ROONEY (whispers) It's Ferris Bueller. I'm all broken up. SECRETARY Ed Rooney's office. You hear me? The secretary comes in. She puts the call on hold and hangs up. I want to see this dead grandmother firsthand. Peterson. She turns to Rooney in horror. Her jaw drops. you don't like my policies. gosh. He covers the phone. Rooney tries to wave her away. And. Rooney covers the phone.Rooney rolls his eyes.
FERRIS Mr. 78 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. FERRIS' VOICE Thank you. The phone's cradled against his shoulder. ROONEY He blinks. CU. ROONEY'S FOOT It freezes in mid-tap. CU. ROONEY He's staring blankly ahead. KITCHEN Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen.CU. CU. What's the matter with you. CU. CAMERON You oughta be sorry for Christ's sake! A family member dies and you insult me. FERRIS' ROOM He's zipping his pants. sir. anyway? 79 78 77 . 77 INT. 79 INT. twitches. PHONE Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting call. He nods. DEAN'S OFFICE. CU. He speaks in the same voice he used on his father. He's doing a deep. ROONEY'S HAND The pencils falls from his fingers. phoney "father" voice. cocks his head. fastening his belt. He glances at the phone. ROONEY'S FACE A mask of horror. ROONEY He winces as he returns to the first call. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb you at work but I was wondering if it would be possible for my sister to bring home any assignments from my classes that I may need. PHONE The second line light is flashing. CU.
Peterson. KITCHEN Cameron lays into Rooney. You're doing great. ROONEY He apologies profusely to Cameron. that I would never deliberately insult you. CAMERON (to Ferris) I'm scared shitless. CAMERON'S VOICE Pardon my French but you're an asshole! Rooney nods enthusiastically. CAMERON This isn't over yet. You just make sure my daughter's out in front of the school in ten minutes. Ferris! What is Rooney guesses my voice! FERRIS Impossible. 81 . Mr. Do you read me? ROONEY'S VOICE Load and clear. goddamn it! ROONEY'S VOICE Sir. buster. ROONEY Absolutely! I most certainly am. DEAN'S OFFICE. Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the conversation. CAMERON Call me sir.80 INT. Cameron covers the phone. trembling. ROONEY I don't know. You have to know. CAMERON That's better. sir. Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone. 80 81 INT. I can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I am. He's perspiring. CAMERON (clears his throat) I don't have all day to bark at you so I'll make this short and sweet. I thought you were someone else.
He covers the phone. CAMERON I want my daughter out in front of the school in ten minutes. Ferris smacks Cameron..Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up. 82 CU. FERRIS Talk! Cameron takes a deep breath. The phone flies out of his hand. moron. 83 INT. By herself. CAMERON What'd I do? FERRIS Out in front my herself? It's too suspicious! He'll think something's up. THEN CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT. FERRIS' KITCHEN Cameron's rubbing the side of his head. He clears his throat and puts on his father's voice. I don't have time to talk to you. CAMERON You do it! Ferris waves his arms angrily. You be out in front with her! I wanna have a few words with you! Ferris slaps Cameron. FERRIS (mouths) Great! Cameron smiles proudly. He's said the wrong thing. Cameron panics.. fella. We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS. CAMERON I changed my mind. Cover it. ROONEY He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK! We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE. 83 82 . I don's want anyone around. He holds the phone out to Ferris. CAMERON'S VOICE On second thought. We'll get together soon and have lunch.
I lightly slapped you. really. CAMERON I was home. Look. make me jeopardize my future. make me do a phoney phone call on a dean of students. You get me out of bed. really? FERRIS Yeah.CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me? FERRIS Where's your brain? CAMERON I asked you first. sick. a man who could squeeze my nuts into oblivion and then you deliberately hurt my feelings. Cameron's anger is intensified by his embarrassment. FERRIS I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings. God. being me over here. CAMERON Oh. don't ask me to participate in your crap if you don't like the way I do it! Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. you're so stupid! (aside) I didn't hit you. FERRIS How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's going to be there with her?! CAMERON I said for her to be there alone and you freaked! FERRIS My. . CAMERON You hit me.
We move up from the stallion to the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Cameron's jaw drops. I didn't mean to jam you. Ferris? Have a nice life. FERRIS Cameron. CAMERON Thanks.Cameron glares at Ferris. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris looking at the car. FERRIS Dead serious. FERRIS Cameron? CAMERON Stick it up your ass. GARAGE The door opens slowly. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear. Ferris. Ferris is smiling with excitement and awe. dramatically as we hear a heraldic fanfare. He turns and heads out of the room. CAMERON Hey. Cameron smiles. I'm going to have to ask you for a small favor. It was uncalled for. right? Not that is was necessarily all you fault. I'm sorry. FERRIS You did screw up through. He appreciates Ferris apology. CAMERON AND FERRIS Cameron's face is ashen. CAMERON You're serious? He turns around. The end of the world is at hand. CU. 84 INT. 84 . Ferris sighs. Right? CAMERON (suspiciously) Why? FERRIS To fix this situation. FERRARI STALLION The prancing black stallion. Cameron stops.
it is his passion. Peterson drives that piece of shit. I don't even have a piece of shit. CAMERON It's not a piece of shit. FERRIS Whatever miles we put on it. It is joy. FERRIS He doesn't trust you? CAMERON No. look. We can't take is out. I'm sorry but there's nothing else we can do. CAMERON (grim monotone) 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Don't worry about it. CAMERON He knows the mileage. FERRIS We can't pick up Sloane in your car. my father loves this car more than life itself. FERRIS Alright. My father spent three years restoring it. FERRIS It's a piece of shit. CAMERON Ferris.Ferris is in heaven. It has a market value of $265. FERRIS It is his fault he didn't lock the garage. it is his love. I have to envy yours. He puts his arm around Cameron. FERRIS A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile. Ferris. He just rubs it with a diaper. Cameron. Ferris. we'll take off. He has it tatooed on his wrist. Rooney'd never believe Mr. CAMERON He never drives it.000. . Look. Less than a hundred were made. this is real simple.
. the more obvious we are. I'm sorry but. CAMERON'S VOICE . no. I'm putting my foot down. JEANIE She comes out of a classroom. CAMERON What about Rooney? FERRIS Cameron. Jeanie watches her suspiciously. SCHOOL... Cameron shakes his head. 87 INT. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses.. The top is down. 85 INT. The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a crowded school hallway. You'll have to think of something else.CAMERON (suspicious) How? FERRIS (big. FERRARI Ferris is driving.. Cameron's in the back. 86 EXT. Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her books. CU. the less likely we are to get caught. proud smile) We'll drive home backwards. CAMERON Forget it. FERRARI GRILLE Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar of the twelve cylinders. CAMERON Are you crazy?! Put the top back up! FERRIS This is perfect top-down weather. FERRIS 87 86 85 . Ferris. I have to live with the man..You're not talking me into this one. CAMERON That makes no sense whatsoever. She stops as Sloane and Rooney walk past. SCHOOL The Ferrari is parked out in front.
88 EXT. Thanks. See ya. She was a terrific lady. FERRIS Hurry along now! EXT. (look around at Cameron) Stay down. CAMERON Howcome it's my Dad's car and I'm taking all the risk and I have to ride back here? FERRIS I don't have an explanation. JEANIE She's watching out the door. 89 INT. Very old. Rooney looks. Yeah. She sees the Ferrari pull away. Sloane! Dear! Sloane looks across at the Ferrari.The adult mind is a suspicious machine. Um. SLOANE Huh? ROONEY Were you close to your grandmother? SLOANE Oh. He's careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline. Rooney watches her. THEIR POV Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. DEEP VOICE Oh. SCHOOL. Sloane smiles and bids Rooney a hasty farewell. SLOANE I guess that's my Dad. SCHOOL Rooney's suspicious. Something does compute for him. Cameron squeezes himself lower. SCHOOL Rooney and Sloane come out the door. Yeah. man. Very. 89 88 . Very hip. She hurries to the car. ROONEY Once again let me say how deeply saddened I am by your loss.
90 EXT. 91 92 EXT. SCHOOL. FERRIS (to CAMERA) If you had access to a car like this would you take it back right away? Would you give up feeling like a ton just to ease your best friend's tension? He smiles. SLOANE What a fabulous car! CAMERON Enjoy it quick. FERRIS Either would I. FERRARI It accelerates away like a shot. Please. You comfortable? CAMERON Hi. FERRARI Sloane shrieks with delight. 92 . 90 91 INT. the question is "what aren't we going to do. STREET. She leans across the console and gives Ferris a kiss. SLOANE Hi. It' s going home. Cameron. ROONEY He can't quite put his finger on what's bothering him. SLOANE What're we gonna do? FERRIS The question isn't "what are we gonna do"." CAMERON Don't tell me we're not going to take the car home. it was bold but it was totally necessary. FERRIS It was risky. SLOANE This is so great! I can't believe it! Right in front of Rooney! She laughs and turns to Cameron. No.
The clock outside read 9:53. Ferris smiles. It's about four inches higher the highest beehive you're ever seen. DOORS Ferris. This is my wife. ZZ. How are you? TELLER She pats the rock-solid mass of blue hair. SUBURBAN BANK A fresh. TELLER I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. The Ferrari pulls into the parking lot. 94 . As she moves the beehive hits a small sign over her head. BANK. ZZ Top. In fact. TELLER A WOMAN about seventy with a silver blue beehive. FERRIS (to Cameron) And this is my brother-in-law. so I'm a little pooped but other than that. Cameron's having stomach trouble. should you be in school? FERRIS He lays his savings bonds on the counter. I'm as chipper as can be. TELLER Ferris Bueller? FERRIS He's at the window. modern bank building. Froeling.. FERRIS Hello. She's been at the bank since they opened. BANK. Ferris leads the way to an open teller window. Froeling. Cameron blanches. She smiles when she sees Ferris. Sloane's still intoxicated with her freedom. On either shoulder are Cameron and Sloane. I'm married. Cameron and Sloane walk in. In doing so she locates a missing ball point pen. Froeling.93 EXT. INT. FERRIS Me? (polite laugh) I'm out of school. Mrs. Mrs..Madonna. 93 94 INT. this is Mrs. (something occurs to her) Say. Ferris is cocky and confident. She withdraws it from the hair and smiles at it's reappearance. Sloane suppresses a laugh.
Cameron isn't amused. TELLER (to Cameron) Is Top a Slavic name? CAMERON Yeah. FERRIS I'd like to cash these in, please. We're having a baby and we need the cash for a crib, clothes, diapers, food pellets, leash, water dish... INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling takes the bonds with a hearty smile. The latter part of the conversation sails over her like a line drive. TELLER A baby! (to Sloane) You must be so excited. Cameron groans and turns away from the sham. SLOANE I'm thrilled, ma'am. I'm especially looking forward to wearing those jeans with the stretch panel in front. Mrs. Froeling thumbs through the bonds. TELLER Are you hoping for a boy or a girl? SLOANE Actually, we're hoping for a car. CU. CAMERON He's spooked by the games playing. He scans the bank nervously. He blinks, focuses, blinks again. HIS POV Joyce is with a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE and their bored, sour-puss teenage son, BOYD. He's sitting in a chair with his legs slung over the sides waving a Bic lighter back and forth across his rump. The parents are Joyce's clients from Vermont. A LOAN OFFICER is discussing the local financing situation with them. His is an open office adjacent to the teller windows. Joyce's back is to the tellers. CU. CAMERON
It's like he's just witnesses an ax murder. CAMERON Shit... INT. BANK. JOYCE Her back is to the teller windows. She's conducting her meeting. Behind her we see Cameron grab Ferris and point her out to him. He waves. Cameron slaps his arm. INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds. TELLER These bonds aren't mature. If you hold onto them another two years you'll get an additional four dollars... FERRIS I'm aware of that. TELLER You're throwing away four dollars. FERRIS No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the government. They need it. Do you know what an aircraft carrier's going for these days? INT. BANK. JOYCE She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out. INT. BANK. DOOR Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce. JOYCE Mrs. Froeling, how are you? MRS. FROELING I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. (shifts gears, to Joyce) Say, you must be very proud. Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about. MRS. FROELING (whispers) I met Madonna. She pats Joyce on the arm.
MRS. FROELING She told me everything. Keep me posted, I'll want to send a gift. She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are completely baffled. 95 EXT. BANK Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking lot. JOYCE My son's home sick today. If you wouldn't mind, on our way back to the office, I'd like to just run in and check up on him. We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car. MOTHER Of course. They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look on proudly. 96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE His secretary is dialing a number for him. SECRETARY This is the Peterson's home. She hands the phone to Rooney. SECRETARY Watch your mouth this time. Rooney glares at her. ROONEY Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's no doubt in my mind. That's what I was saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped. He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this thing now. See? The secretary nods. SECRETARY And her grandmother, too. 97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an 97 96 95
ROONEY Something's going on. The Ferrari streaks past. 101 100 99 98 . DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney hangs up the phone. ROONEY And I'm going to stop it! SECRETARY My brother-in-law'll appreciate it. 98 INT. We hear Cameron's voice. the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil Building. EDENS EXPRESSWAY The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the suburbs. Mortuary.awful lot like Sloane. The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk. She's not listening to him. We are unable to come to the phone right now but if you'll leave your name and number.. 99 EXT. SLOANE We can't come to the phone right now. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney quickly takes down a number. We've had a death in the family. SECRETARY There's a railroad strike... puzzled. Rooney looks at her. 100 INT. ROONEY Who gives a good goddamn? 101 EXT. Rooney stares at her like she's crazy. CAMERON'S VOICE You have reached the Coughlin Bros.. ROONEY What? SECRETARY My brother-in-law rides the train to work. goddamn it. In the distance we see the Sears Tower. If you need to reach us we'll be at the following number. CAMERON'S HOUSE His answering machine clicks on.
KID They run about fifty g's so it you could help out. FERRIS 103 . Jeanie stares at him.. wrecked. CHICAGO LOOP. She's stopped by a KID with a Coke can. scratched. KID Yo.102 INT. The kid yells after her.. Sloane and Cameron get out. CAMERON We can't leave the car here! FERRIS Why not? CAMERON Because we can't! I want it back home where it belongs! SLOANE What could happen to it? CAMERON It could get stolen. PARKING GARAGE The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage. JEANIE Go piss up a flagpole! KID Huh? 102 She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall. babe! Some day you might need a favor from Ferris Bueller! Then where'll you be?! He reaches for the can.. HALLWAY Jeanie's walking down the hall. We're collecting money to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. GARAGE Ferris. EXT.. 103 EXT. Cameron's having fits. She's flabbergasted at the proportions her brother's scan has reached. KID Heartless wench. you name it. SCHOOL. KID Hey.
ATTENDANT Like it's a beautiful woman. very carefully. SLOANE This is so right! Ferris nudges Cameron on. Another attendant jumps in the passenger side. FERRIS See what a finski can do to a person's attitude? He's going to treat it like a beautiful woman. CAMERON Yeah. Do you have to be so graphic? She heads down the street. He smiles. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly. Cameron. No squealing tires. 240. Goatee. SLOANE Oh.I'll give the guy a five to watch it. An IQ that equals his hourly wage. It's gone in the entrance and out the exit. okay? He pats the Attendant on the arm. They exit the garage and head after Sloane. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a hairnet Gold teeth. EXT. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the exit ramp of the garage. no revving engine. I want to you take extra special care of this vehicle. PARKING ATTENDANT He smiles with relish at the car. Ferris turns to Cameron. 6'6". . sure. FERRIS You speak English? ATTENDANT Since I was three. Earring. PARKING LOT The Attendant swaggers over to the car. FERRIS Great. The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. CAMERON What guy? CU. FERRIS I appreciate it. Ferris slips him a give. Whip it with a stick and piss on the hood. please.
the trophy lifts up off the yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's original position. ROOM. FERRIS' ROOM It's dark. She listens at the door. FERRIS' HOUSE 104 Joyce's care pulls in the driveway. tall. HOUSE. The wire from the bedroom door is strung over the top of the closet door. we hear a door open and close.He's skinny. HER POV The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves. 109 INT. DOOR KNOB The wire is tied to the doorknob. We hear soft snoring. Ferris and Cameron. It's taut. DOORKNOB Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a crack. with a huge knit hat willed with dreads. CU. HALLWAY Joyce listens at the door another beat. CU. 108 INT. CU. 106 INT. JOYCE She smiles and closes the door. As the bedroom door closes. ROOM. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet door to the door to the room itself. It heads down the street away from Sloane. She's smiles with relief and affection. HALLWAY Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room. INT. He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of the lot. 109 108 107 106 105 . STAIRWAY Joyce quietly walks up the stairs. WE HEAR THE SNORING. There's a figure in the bed. She gets out and heads up the house. 105 INT. The snoring it simulated. 104 EXT. CLOSET The closet door is open. FERRIS' SYNTHESIZER Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring. Downstairs. A trophy is attached to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick. HOUSE. 107 INT.
CAMERON (VO) Do you think the car's alright? FERRIS (VO) Illinois.110 EXT. INT. SLOANE 111 . SEARS TOWER OBSERVATION DECK Ferris. CAMERON I don't feel good. Michigan. far below. Are we gonna stay long? FERRIS Take a step back.. SEARS TOWER. Cameron follows. 111 INT. Indiana.. Wisconsin and my personal favorite. LATER 110 HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the world's tallest building. He leans forward. lean against the glass. FERRIS Now. Like this. FERRIS And look down. From our vantage point here on the 103 floor. Sloane leans forward. Cameron and Sloane are standing against the window. SLOANE What if the glass gives? FERRIS Death... shit! HER POV The street far. SLOANE Oh. reluctantly. FERRIS (VO) This is the world's tallest building. OBSERVATION DECK The three are leaning against the glass. Ferris. we are provided with a view of four states. As it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows. Sloane and Cameron follow suit. A dizzying view. putting all his weight on his forehead. Ferris steps back.
CU. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE Giant old monolith.Cool. CAMERON'S FATHER I think I see my car. CAMERON I think I see my Dad. 116 INT. He's wearing a puzzled look on his face. Cameron follows glumly. HIS POV The Ferrari screams down the avenue and disappears down the underground ramp. 113 INT. CAMERON He's looking down. is standing on the street corner. clean. TRADING ROOM Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities. 112 EXT. 117 INT. FERRIS AND SLOANE I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS! 115 EXT. 117 116 115 114 113 112 . Cameron's father. STREET Ferris and Sloane burst out the doors garnering the annoyed stares of the business people busily going in and out of the building. He's lean. HORACE FRYE. BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET BACK IN THE STATES BACK TO THE CUTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA 114 EXT. Cameron politely waits his turn to exit. Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the gallery watching the proceedings. They're singing. STREET LEVEL A middle-aged man. Cameron follows. GALLERY Ferris. tough and humorless. They dance past the giant Calder mobile. FERRIS AND SLOANE I BEEN ALL 'ROUND THIS GREAT BIG WORLD AND I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF GIRLS YEAH. SEARS TOWER LOBBY Ferris and Sloane bound down the escalator. Ferris and Sloane head down the street. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE.
Ferris puts his arm around Sloane. SLOANE No way! . SLOANE Sure. FERRIS I'm game. FERRIS Would I have introduced you as my wife if I didn't love you? SLOANE Wait a minute. Is he serious. FERRIS True. FERRIS Yes. FERRIS Would I risk damaging a deep and wonderfully enriching relationship with my parents if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. FERRIS Would I trash a day of education to be with you if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. That was a lie.SLOANE Do you love me? FERRIS Do you love me? SLOANE I asked you first. You? SLOANE Yes. FERRIS Would you want to get married? I mean if I wasn't an asshole. FERRIS (serious) Today? Sloane stares at him.
SLOANE I'm not getting married. (to Ferris) You've seen them. CAMERON I'm with you. Ferris looks around at him. if you will. FERRIS Tomorrow? CAMERON If you get a blood test today. The state requires a blood test. My mother and father. give me a good reason why not. Cameron suddenly adds his two cents. FERRIS Why not? SLOANE What do you mean. you could produce a pinhead. CAMERON They're married and they hate each other. babe. FERRIS Huh? CAMERON If your blood's not compatible. you can't get married today. Am I right? . FERRIS So? CAMERON So. CAMERON You need a blood test. FERRIS Besides being too young and your father hating my guts and not having any place to live and feeling awkward about being the only cheerleader with a husband.FERRIS I'll do it. why not? Think about it. CAMERON I'll give you two. Ferris and Sloane look at him curiously.
SLOANE Do you think they're staying together because of you? Cameron hasn't seen it that way. SLOANE (to Cameron) It was pure selfishness. It's like the car. So what? It's not like it doesn't happen ten thousand times a day. I've tried. SLOANE Do they like you? It hasn't occured to Cameron that his parents might not like him. FERRIS (to CAMERA) This is all news to me.my father canned me and my brother and my Mom for a twenty five year old dipso with fake tits. SLOANE Consider this. He loves the car. CAMERON It makes me puke. I thought so. CAMERON Yeah. Are yours divorced? CAMERON They may as well be. Everything was cool at our house. We all thought so. He shrugs.FERRIS You're father's a toad and your Mom's always wired out. Are you comfortable with it? SLOANE No. It's not something I can get comfortable with. He dropped us like a rock. Seeing people treat each other like that. She keeps a pretty good secret.. He hates his wife. but so what? They're old. Then BLAM! It's over. SLOANE My parents are divorced. That's natural. I don't care how much I want . CAMERON Just because it happens doesn't make it right. That parental love might not be a given.. Sure. When I have a kid.
. you're saying I should run away? FERRIS No. thank you. I in other words. SLOANE They call the shots. But it's a cool thing and I think. SLOANE What? FERRIS Let's go feed Cameron. CAMERON So. CAMERON So. It's a common trait with my age group. FERRIS Frightening choice of words. crusty old shits wish they had some. They wish they had her. She's saying it's time for lunch. CAMERON I'd rather not have my family break apart. too. FERRIS This is optomism. if it's gonna screw-up the kid. (points to Sloane) Sorry. FERRIS (to CAMERA) She's not lying. SLOANE Well. I'm gonna think about it. But I'm gonna try not to. When you split from them. She's taken. you call the shots. SLOANE Yeah. CAMERON You could change. It's out of your hands. forget it. deep down. you know what? It ain't up to you. I'm gonna try to prevent it. it's like a charming quick that infests youth. Adults think it's cute. I should just sit back and watch it crumble? SLOANE You're merely an inhabitant in their universe.something.
RESTAURANT The maitre'd returns. Sloane tugs Ferris' sleeve. We HEAR A RADIO ANNOUNCER. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. If you have trouble finding the door. TRADING FLOOR 118 It explodes with activity in response to Ferris' shout. He cups his hands to his mouth. FERRIS BUY! And he exits. Cool and casual. HIS POV His fingers runs down to a party of three for 12:00. son. RESTAURANT A French restaurant on the Gold Coast. The maitre'd looks at Ferris curiously. 120 INT. I'm very busy right now. I'm Abe Frohman.They stand up and head out. RESTAURANT Ferris. MAITRE'D (to Ferris) May I help you? FERRIS Yes. MAITRE'D (chuckles) I'm sorry. FERRIS Is there a problem? MAITRE'D You're Abe Frohman? FERRIS I'm Abe Frohman. 120 119 . Ferris is looking at the maitre 'd's reservations book... Sloane and Cameron are standing in the restaurant. He ignores her.. He yells at the top of his voice. Party of three for 12:00. 118 INT. Ferris hangs back a moment.. 119 EXT. ANNOUNCER Commodity prices rose sharply today in unusually heavy trading. It's noon. INT.
Sloane grits her teeth. FERRIS You touch me and I yell "rat!" There's another phone around here.. MAITRE'D I appreciate your understanding. We're gonna get busted. (grabs the phone) . Ferris waves him off angrily. PHONE Ferris punches out a number.. FERRIS Not a chance in the world. RESTAURANT The maitre'd motions for the phone so that he can answer the call.. INT. Cameron chokes. FERRIS I'm not going anywhere. FERRIS Ask for Abe Frohman. let's split. The maitre'd is hovering over Ferris. Sloane and Cameron are seated in the restaurant.. LATER Ferris.. The maitre'd backs off.FERRIS Are you suggesting that I'm not who I say I am? MAITRE'D Shall I call the police? CAMERON Let's go. Better yet. Find it.Abe. (to the Maitre'd) Call the police. . INT. RESTAURANT. please? SLOANE Cameron's right.I'll call myself. The maitre'd smiles smuggly. A beat and the restaurant's second line lights up and the phone rings. CU. He hands the phone to Sloane. CAMERON Ferris.. Go ahead.
FERRIS Cameron. Ferris smiles. Charles. babe. GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM Jeanie's sitting on a bench in a field hockey uniform. Shame on you. The maitre'd backs away. SLOANE Oh. 122 INT. Sloane is impressed. you were wonderful. She yanks angrily on the velcro strap on her sneakers. She's talking to a FRIEND. FERRIS Thank you. SCHOOL We HEAR HALLWAY SOUNDS AND JEANIE. He manipulates my parents. Cameron is flushed with nerves. FERRIS And you thought we wouldn't have any fun.FERRIS Don't grovel. MAITRE'D Enjoy your luncheon. today I'm the hammer. The straps rip off in her hand. (wicked pause) Well. FRIEND Why? What's the point? JEANIE Why? Because I'm sick of the little dope. 121 EXT. 122 121 . vicious) I'm gonna bust his buns. JEANIE (mean. FERRIS Darling. Ferris disappears behind his menu. dear friend? Cameron looks to Ferris. but I had a wonderful teacher. he does whatever he wants. Just leave us to our repast and all will be forgotten. whenever he wants and he never gets nailed. JEANIE (VO) Ferris Bueller's days are numbered.
wags her head. you sympathize with him. JEANIE Excuse me? FRIEND I don't think you're an asshole.FRIEND I think he's cute. decent person should be and you know what? FRIEND Everybody thinks you're an asshole. I work hard. I get pissed off and this is what happens! Jeanie tosses the straps on the floor. Jeanie freezes with her next sentence pinned to her tongue. He's not nice. Who else? FRIEND I don't know. JEANIE Rachel? Jeanie's friend shrugs. I'm friendly and fair to all kinds of people. Except morons. He's not a wonderful person. He's an ignorant mule and the sooner everybody in this school comes to that realization the better off we'll all be. I try to be everything a good. JEANIE See? My brother strokes you. JEANIE Who does? Her friend smiles sheepishly. Ferris is not cute. JEANIE Rachel's a dirt bag. I'm considerate. JEANIE Forget that everybody thinks I'm an . it's an established fact that you have no taste. JEANIE Let me tell you something. Just forget it. does everything but verbally confirm. I'm polite. JEANIE Sweetie. I study hard. She displays the velcro straps to her friend. He's not charming.
JEANIE I this a conspiracy to shit all over me or something? Is my brother behind this? Tell me if he is or I'll sock your tits. GODDAMN IT! .asshole? Would you like everybody to think you're an asshole? FRIEND Not everybody thinks you're an asshole. JEANIE Alright. Jeanie. Rooney likes you. JEANIE Me? I have a problem? FRIEND Somebody who threatens to sock people's tits has a problem. That's exciting. FRIEND You really do have a problem. Mr. Jeanie. How about if I sock your face? Jeanie's friend gets up. JEANIE Am I acting like an asshole? FRIEND I didn't mean it that way. Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief. I have my period! MY BODY'S RIDDING ITSELF OF OLD EGGS. FRIEND Take a walk. A fat fifty year old clod with B. JEANIE Would everybody be happier if maybe I were to die in a flaming car accident or something? FRIEND Maybe if you didn't cat like and asshole. JEANIE Oh.. JEANIE (yells after her) If it means anything to you.O. Her friend exits. likes me.. hey.
and I must be honest here. It really upsets him. I love driving it. I highly recommend picking one up. The thing with taking his old man's car? It's good for him. He exists the men's room. FERRIS I wonder if everybody shoots at cigarette butts in urinals? Probably not many women. the family's pretty cool. 123 INT. MEN'S ROOM.She snarls and slumps against the lockers. He gets so wadded-up. He checks his hair in the mirror. He's monkey meat. I don't know where she gets this shit. CHEZ PAUL Ferris is standing at the urinal. Cameron tightens up. FERRIS She's a person who views life as an ordeal that must be endured. you couldn't pry his buns apart with a crowbar. It used to worry me. FERRIS When they go after each other. Is there anything worse than being at somebody's house when their parents are fighting? It's the absolute height of social discomfort. He crosses to 123 . What he said about his parents hating each other? I refuse to sleep over at his house. FERRIS Cameron's home life is really shit. JEANIE He's gone. He looks down at the urinal. He's over. Even when I'm there. A toilet flushes. He zips this trousers and steps away from the urinal. Then I met Cameron and I saw how his family functioned. Plus. His parents fight all the time. Her body is a transport vehicle for her anger. We hold a beat. It's scary. Another beat and Tom walks out of the stall. Basically. He wasn't lying. It teaches him to deal with his fear. That's why he's sick all the time. (continues) I used to think that my family was the only one that had weirdness in it.
FERRIS Good? Sloane and Cameron shrug. 124 . Clouseau! The waiter stops and looks at Ferris indignantly. Ferris slides over to the table and drops into his seat. They're staring at the plates. He savors the taste. FERRIS Yo. CAMERON What is it? SLOANE I don't know. CAMERON Really? FERRIS Superb.the sink. FERRIS Splendid. 124 INT. RESTAURANT Cameron and Sloane have been served their lunches. He puts his napkin in his lap and smells his plate. I don't speak French. CAMERON What is this shit? FERRIS You got me. Cameron and Sloane try theirs. FERRIS I think it's a land-based beefoid creature. A WAITER passes. He takes a bite. CAMERON I knew it was a mistake letting Ferris order for us. But it looks like it's already been eaten and digested. FERRIS What are you doing? Cameron looks at Ferris. They chew tentatively. It's not bad. Ferris stops him.
. colorless fluid containing digestive enzymes? The home of the world famous isles of Langerhans? CU. knowing that he's spoiling the kids' meal. holds it a beat and gives a cue. He looks to Cameron and Sloane. He raises a finger. talking. CU. FERRIS Uh. CU. WAITER Sweetbreads. FERRIS He continues his questioning. SLOANE AND CAMERON They look at each other. A 125 . FERRIS Check. please! 125 EXT. CU.That secretes a thick. CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON They stop chewing. They're holding their sweetbreads in their mouths. WAITER He nods broadly. huh. FERRIS He pats his mouth with his napkin. FERRIS As in the gland that has important functions in digestion and metabolism? CU. CU. Could you tell me what we ordered here? The waiter glances at the plates. FERRIS He watches Sloane and Cameron then glances at the waiter..FERRIS I have a growth on my brain that causes memory lapses. FERRIS . And what might that be? WAITER Pancreas. RESTAURANT Tom and his two GUESTS are standing at the curb. WAITER He turns away as Sloane and Cameron spit out their food.
Sloane and Cameron turn slowly. EXT. MUSEUM OR SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY The grand old Chicago museum. MUSEUM. He turns to the cab. Let's go. CAB DOOR HANDLE A man's hand reaches for the handle as the cab pulls away. RESTAURANT Tom and his guests watch in bewilderment at their cab takes off. MUSIC COMES UP. CAMERON They turns on cue at Tom. round incubator. 127 INT. FLOOR A class of kids walking along holding hands. The door's open. Sloane and Cameron. STREET. Ferris scoots Sloane into the cab. They approach the cab. EXT. Sloane. turns toward the restaurant. CAMERON We're gonna get nabbed. The bold survive. Among the second graders are Ferris. INT. OVERHEAD SHOT The main gallery is crowded with school kids. Sloane and Cameron slowly approach the cab. FERRIS 40. FERRIS No way. Cameron dashes in. CU. holding hands looking like giant grade schoolers. INT. CAB Ferris slams the door. FERRIS.G. Tom's back it to Ferris. 126 EXT. In the B. MUSEUM. now in the B. CAB Tom and his party are still jawing at curbside. 127 126 . Behind the backs of the men. Ferris stops cold. SLOANE. Cameron. Ferris. DISPLAY CASE Baby chicks are hatching in a huge.G.000 restaurants in the downtown area and I pick the one my father goes to. The Ferris hops the cab.cab is waiting. MUSEUM. Sloane and Cameron come out of the restaurant. Only the meek get nabbed.. for sure. INT. Ferris.
INT. GERMAN U-BOAT Ferris is examining the controls of the captured U-Boat. we've won our freedom. INDUSTRIAL DISPLAY Sloane operates a metal press to produce a tin ashtray. CHICAGO RIVER. INT. LONG. 128 EXT. Ferris is lost in thought. green swath of water. A tiny human being in a jar. FERRIS. CU. CAMERON (VO) Are you guys worried about nuclear war? FERRIS (VO) Cameron. COAL MINE Sloane. the screw turns. INT. Ferris and Sloane are making out. CU. He checks to see if he's being watched then he presses a button and pulls a lever. The ninth month. feigning a massive heart attack. Ferris and Cameron ride in the coal train in the coal mine replica. CU.Ferris and Cameron are intently watching the process. MUSEUM. HIGH SHOT From the Merchandise Mart. PROPELLER For the first time in forty years. A boat is rolling up the man-made canyon. INT. we're traveling down one of American's most scenic polluted waterways and you have to bring up nuclear war? SLOANE (VO) 128 . looking down the fetid. MUSEUM. Cameron's stomach is in his throat. clutching his heart. it's a beautiful day. SLOANE (remorsefully) I wonder if he has a name? FERRIS (blank) Ninth Month. SLOANE. HEART REPLICA A giant. The MUSIC ENDS. Ferris staggers out of it. CAMERON Sloane wants to cry. HUMAN FETUS IN A BOTTLE The famous stages of life display which features bottled fetuses. MUSEUM. walk-thru replica of a human heart.
SLOANE (VO) Don't you think it's an issue because people need something to worry about? They have to like. have some major problem that puts all their little bullshit into some kind of persepective? CAMERON (VO) Maybe. FERRIS They used to have Viet Nam. SLOANE My step-father's always going off about how when he was young he was committed to all these causes. SLOANE (VO) Yeah. CAMERON (VO) Regardless. Their feet are up on the railing. however.It is kind of raggy subject. All the old hippies are full of shit. CAMERON (VO) (dramatic. It's with us every day. They used to have the oil crisis stuff and Iran.No. . SLOANE (VO) To answer your question.. Very casual. you know. The possiblity of global destruction. Everybody's dead. The boat makes the turn in the river and CLEARS FRAME. FERRIS (VO) We don't know when the bombs going off. it's real cold and the skiing's for shit. that college starts in the fall. BOAT DOCK The three are sitting on the aft deck of the tour boat. We do know. Cam. That's over and people have to have their big issue. EXT. I'm not worried about it at all. Discussing the end of the world. very relaxed. FERRIS He's full of shit. deadly serious) Do you know what a nuclear winter is? Long beat. It's not like somebody came up with the nuclear holocaust yesterday at noon..
LOUDSPEAKER. CAMERON The Sears Tower.SLOANE He says I don't care about things like he did. CAMERON You know. An obtuse thought flashes through Sloane's brain. CAMERON What's spooky is they still control everything. this is all very interesting but I'm starving.. FERRIS. They took over when they were young and they never gave it up. FERRIS What's he care about now? SLOANE Baldness. Cameron looks over the side of the boat. The three look to the left. FERRIS An hour ago you wanted to yack. fatty meats and money. FERRIS Lean over and grab a fish. SLOANE Agreed. FERRIS I rest my case. A loud speaker on the boat identifies a point of interest. CAMERON It's human nature to like what you had better than what you have. It's chilling to see people crazed with the minutia of their past.. . FERRIS One of the most frightening experiences of my young life has been observing my parents and our neighbors playing the Baby Boom Edition of Trivial Pursuits. LOUDSPEAKER TO YOUR LEFT IT THE WORLD'S TALLEST BUILDING. CAMERON I feel better now. SLOANE.
.. CU.. She slips into the Dean's outer office. He left the grounds on personal business. SCHOOL Meanwhile. Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his bile-green LeBaron. 131 INT.and it'll continue to piss me off and I'll get so wadded-up that it'll cause cervex cancer and he'll ruin my life. STREET. Screw him. 132 EXT. CURB 132 131 130 129 A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops. FIRE HYDRANT . Rooney peels off his shades and looks around like he's Dirty Harry. Jeanie walks in. When's he back? SECRETARY I don't know.SLOANE What comes after a nuclear winter? FERRIS Nuclear spring. JEANIE Is Dean Rooney in? SECRETARY I'm sorry. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE Rooney's secretary is behind her desk.. Can I help you? JEANIE (condescending) I seriously doubt it. Slide across to the sidewalk. Jeanie. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement.but it's for his own good. The secretary looks up and greets her with a weary smile. His cavalier attitude will get him into trouble later in life. Who's bothering you now? Jeanie scowls at her.. 129 EXT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE Jeanie is having a small moral debate with herself.. JEANIE It's reprehensible to squeal on your own flesh and blood. SECRETARY Hello. In his mind he is Dirty Harry. he's out. 130 INT. CU.
GIRL 133 . HOT DOG STAND It's jammed with construction workers. STREET Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy hot dog joint. secretaries. It's a GIRL. The player looks up. pointing it directly in Rooney's face. CU. she draws it out of the cup. He stares at the girl. She puts the straw to her lips and sucks. CU. CU. ROONEY He's still staring. HIS POV A young person is playing a video game in a far corner. 133 INT. suburban businessmen. CU. GIRL Holding the straw in the mouth.Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. EXT. It's loud and confusing. It look sort of like Ferris. He smiles and cuts into the crowd. CU. CU. She picks up her Coke. ROONEY The blood evacuates his face. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD MOVE IN on the player. ROONEY (OC) I've been waiting a long time for this. ROONEY (OC) Your ass is mine. The player turns around. ROONEY He squints CU. Rooney pushes his way in and scopes the crowd. She raises it. He can't think of anything to say. CU. GIRL She stares at him. He ties his lace and pulls up his sock. ROONEY He suspects it's Ferris.
There's a long foul ball. SLOANE Can we leave now? FERRIS You want to leave? We just got here. The TV camera follows the ball into the stands. 134 EXT. He shakes his stinging paw. HOT DOG STAND. NAPKIN HOLDER A hand yanks a napkin hold. what's left to do? Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. ROONEY Who's winning? HOT DOG MAN Cubs. It's Ferris. SLOANE No wonder you're always sick. Rooney wads up the napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. Ferris leans back. INT. STANDS Ferris sits down with the baseball. FERRIS I think I broke my thumb. you broke your thumb. A kid makes a stab at the ball. Rooney glances at the screen. ROONEY What's the score? HOT DOG MAN Zero to zero. The TV camera zooms in on the boy triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. She looks at them with disgust. CU. 134 . Cameron's scarfing nachos. Behind him is the kitchen and a grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game. puts his hands behind his head and turns his face to the bright sun. Rooney wipes his suit off. SERVICE COUNTER Rooney wipes his face. WRIGLEY FIELD. The TV camera returns to the game. SLOANE You got a call.She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face. Rooney nods and exits. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. He does a little celebration dance.
. 137 EXT. Selfish little moron. right now I'd be in gym? 135 EXT. Figure skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines on pavement.want. A blue Fiat pulls into the shot. EXT. He's leading the girls in singing. SLOANE I love him. school kids. HIGH SCHOOL. soldiers. Marching bands. he has to admire Ferris for his lack of inhabitions.. drum and bugle corps. STATE STREET. STATE STREET. STATE STREET 137 136 135 A parade is underway. It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY. They wave to him. Cameron mumbles a few words. CAMERON Stop. She sneaks a glance at the school. SLOANE AND CAMERON They're watching Ferris go by. He's waving to the crowd... SLOANE Do you believe in reincarnation? CAMERON Huh? . "DANKE SHOEN". She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot.water.FERRIS Do you realize that if I played by the rules. Floats and politicians. As worried as he is about the day and getting caught. CAMERON It's hard not to. (pause) Ferris? You're overshadowed me long enough.. PLAYING FIELD A boy's gym class is doing laps. He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens. I'm gonna get you. JEANIE I can't believe my brother's making me put myself in a position where I could get expelled.. EXT. 136 INT. FIAT Jeanie's at the wheel. FLOAT Riding atop on a float is Ferris. Cameron breaks a smile. buddy.
SLOANE I think if he was anybody. the guy who went around the world. FLOAT Ferris is on his knees. CAMERON Hannibal. I know. CAMERON What were you in a previous life? SLOANE I'm not sure but I think I know who Ferris was. CAMERON I was a tractor tire. STATE STREET. Cameron nods. Sort of. You know. . he was Magellan. SLOANE DO you ever wonder what you were? CAMERON I don't have to wonder. SLOANE I could see him ignoring popular belief and taking off on some impossible mission. shaking hands with people in the crowd. Sloane looks at him with amazement. FERRIS Guten tag. EXT. reaching down from the float. dude! EXT.SLOANE Do you believe that you lived before? CAMERON Yeah. They step out of the crowd and head down the street in the direction the parade's heading. Sloane laughs at herself. STATE STREET Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation. SLOANE From the A-Team? CAMERON No. The guy who rode the elephants into Switzerland.
SHAKE IT UP. FERRIS WELL. BABY ON! COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT! GIRLS WORK IT ON OUT! EXT. but it's an option. COME ON. There's nothing he can't handle. The girls on the float are singing. NOW! GIRLS SHAKE IT UP. STATE STREET. CAMERON Yeah. COME ON. the future. I can't handle anything. SLOANE The future's worse for a boy. parents. everything works for him. As long as I've known him. SLOANE True. isn't it? Cameron doesn't understand what she means. CAMERON I don't know what I'm gonna do. EXT. FLOAT Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian. SLOANE AND CAMERON They continue their conversation. but to do what? . School. BABY FERRIS TWIST AND SHOUT! GIRLS TWIST AND SHOUT! FERRIS COME ON. STREET. SLOANE College.CAMERON Yeah. SLOANE A girl can always bail out and have a baby and get some guy to support her. No options is worse. BABY. Ferris can do anything. CAMERON That's a pretty grim thought.
The sons is taking over all the other tunes in the band. STATE STREET. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER He singing along. PUNKS A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk. PUNKS LOOK SO GOOD! EXT. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER He's singing. STREET. STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along. SLOANE Me either. BLACK TEENAGER He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat. STREET. STREET. They walk on for a few beats. CHOIR GROUP . It's infecting the entire parade. POLICE OFFICER YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD! EXT. CAMERON What do you think Ferris is gonna do? EXT. EXT. We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT" GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER. NEWSPAPER SELLER TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT. TEENAGER COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT. MARCHING BAND They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT. STREET. STREET. WOMAN YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE! TODDLERS LOOK SO FINE! EXT.SLOANE What are you interested in? CAMERON Nothing.
STREET CLEANERS With their brooms ready. Like the opening shot in Star Wars.. VIEWING STAND The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up. STREET. STREET. DECK The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT". They're singing in their angleic voices. FLOAT Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale. CALUMET CITY The Port of Chicago. CLERGYMEN AH! EXT. STREET CLEANERS KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! EXT. Suddenly. gritty waterfront. VIEWING STAND The CLERGYMEN stand. STREET. PARADE AHHHHH! The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE. STREET. STREET. 138 . VETERANS AH! EXT. Grim. EXT. SLO-MO. 138 EXT. FERRIS AH! EXT.. CHOIR AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! EXT. STREET. The Starship Ferrari.They're marching down the parade. VETERANS Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms. Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. STREET. WIDE AND HIGH The entire parade is at frenzy pitch. POLITICIANS AND WIVES AH! EXT.
HOUSE. CU. FERRIS Who is it? Rooney presses the intercom. following the car as it flies over them. looks up and down the street. 139 CU. HOUSE. Ferris.CU. I'd like to have a word with you. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney behind the wheel of his car. KIDS They're looking up in the air. SLO-MO. CASSETTE PLAYER It clicks on. SLO-MO. He looks at the house. ROONEY This is Ed Rooney. EXT. CU. CU. SLO-MO. FRONT PORCH The house intercom activates. 142 EXT. then crosses to Ferris' house. Mouth open. CAR GRILLE It fills the frame and stops. EXT. Maniac at the wheel. PARKING ATTENDANT His eyes are wide with exhilaration. FERRIS' HOUSE Rooney gets out of his car. tongue out. excited smiles. 140 INT. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition. FERRIS' ROOM. 141 INT. SLO-MO. STREETS. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. I could take a nasty spill down the 142 141 140 139 . The doorbell rings. HOUSE. We see him peek in a window at the top of the door. The car's shadow passes over them. RASTAMAN His eyes are closed. Big smile. Broad. FOYER Rooney's at the front door. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. COMPUTER It acknowledges the doorbell.
There's no response. KITCHEN Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside. FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording... Rooney presses the intercom again. Rooney presses the intercom again. Come down here. Rooney leans back from the door. There's a pause. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition. The pre-recorded litany starts over. HOUSE. ROONEY I'm not leaving. ROONEY B. 144 143 . I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Thank you for stopping by. Rooney presses the intercom. ROONEY Don't get smart with me Ferris! FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. 143 INT.S. ROONEY I'm not leaving until you come down and talk to me. Ferris.stairs and subject myself to further school absenses. But's it's highly suspicious. He can't quite figure out what's going on. His voice clicks off. LIVING ROOM Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows. It will be remembered long after this illness has past. HOUSE. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day. Rooney rings the doorbell again. 144 INT. FERRIS' VOICE You may reach my parents at their places of business. FERRIS' VOICE You can reach my parents at their places of business.
Cameron's mouth is open in amazement. He hears the dog. LARGE BREASTS Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers. 146 CU. We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL. one goes the other. HOUSE. FERRIS AND SLOANE They're sitting in a booth in the garish. EXT. Through the kitchen.FERRIS' VOICE I appreciate your conern for my well-being. for Christ's sake. into the dining room. The type that allows a dog to come and go as it pleases.. CU. DOGGIE DOOR A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of gnashing teeth and foam. this is nauseating me. CAMERON How does she do that? One goes one way.. Rooney is crouched down. Really. SLOANE Ferris. FERRIS Have a nice day. I'm talking about 146 145 . HIS POV Along the kitchen floor. HOUSE. I'm losing respect for you by the bucket. CAMERON. FERRIS You don't think it's amazing that we got in? SLOANE Who wants to get in? FERRIS Cameron looks like a toddler. ROONEY He's peaking through the door. CU. nearly deserted strip joint. It will be remembered long after. 145 EXT. Sloane is embarrassed and revolted. He lifts the doggie door and peeks in the house. BACKDOOR A black rubber doggie door. His face freezes. FERRIS She's probably schizophrenic.
You read your lines so cleverly and never missed a cue. FERRIS You know. FERRIS Point well taken. someone said the world's a stage and each must play a part. He climbs up on the little runway. SLOANE I'm not a tramp. you lies when you said you loved me and I had no cause to doubt you. Ferris stands up from the booth. It's a terrible thing. Act one was when we met. We think about love and matters of the heart. A child. A lover. Now. I think alot of people my age are. Why she does it and you don't..a major achievement in false identification. (to CAMERA) This kind of thing makes me a little depressed. And we feel it. A parent. FERRIS Honey. But consider why she does it. I loved you at first glance.. A boyfriend. He flips his collar up. But I'd rather go on hearing your lies than to go on living without you. I've never known. Maybe she lost somebody. with you as my sweetheart. I'm a romantic. Then came act two. Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness. And why. I feel it. A sappy. Fate had me playing in love. the stage is bare and I'm standing there with emptiness all around and if you won't . FERRIS Maybe her life fell apart. But that's not true. That sex is all I think about. You may think because I'm the age I am that I'm a sex maniac. The club lights go down. You acted strange. The stripper disappears in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight. do-wop track FADES UP. And SAT scores and acne aside. we worry about lonliness. You seemed to change. He strolls slowly through the empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of blue light. curls his lip and affects an Elvis impression. SLOANE I'm not interested in watching someone jiggle their mammary glands.
147 EXT. . CAMERON'S FATHER He shakes his head. dramatic florish that was the King's trademark ballad sign-off. ELVIS IS YOUR HEART FILLED WITH PAIN? SHALL I COME BACK AGAIN? TELL ME DEAR. then they can bring the curtain down.. JEANIE I'm gonna microwave his nuts. They're holding bags of fried chicken. CAMERON'S CAR Cameron's father is looking looks terribly familiar. Her mouth's open.come back to me. CU. Elvis fades up. It leans into the open car and see if the contents will confirm looks up slowly. FERRIS' TOWN.. 150 INT. He freezes. CAMERON'S FATHER No. She's shaking her head slowly.. DOWNTOWN STREET.. JEANIE Jeanie's standing at her car. ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? Ferris drops his head.SAVE FERRIS BUELLER. Ferris lip synchs with the big. ATTENDANT You looking for something in my car? CU. HER POV Spray-painted on the town water tower in gigantic black letters -. He reaches for the glovebox to if it's his. TAXI CAB 150 149 148 147 at the car. The orignal recording. 148 EXT. Like the King would. He HIS POV The Attendant and the Rastaman are glowering at him. JEANIE She's furious. She's staring incredulously into the distance. MICHIGAN AVENUE Afternoon traffic. no. He's studying it. 149 EXT.
what'd you see today? Cameron looks at him. Ferris is talking to the DRIVER. FERRIS Clearly you've never been to an American high school. FERRIS What's your overall impression? DRIVER It's very good here. a giant heart. Cameron on the other. FERRIS So. I know you don't care.Ferris. FERRIS So. Ferris. Ferris. FERRIS Better than Russia? DRIVER Much better here than in Russia. FERRIS That hurts. Yuri. He puts his arm around Sloane. a submarine.. how long have you been in America? DRIVER One year.. Ferris is on one window. Cameron. Sloane's in the middle. seventy five dollars . FERRIS Cameron. Ferris sits back. FERRIS You think I don't care? CAMERON I know you don't care. but it means my ass. SLOANE Jump back. CAMERON It's getting late. I have to get the car home. He leans forward and reads the driver's name off the city license. Cameron's been a good sport. Sloane and Cameron in the backseat of a checker. FERRIS You saw four states.
. He freezes. TOM'S POV Sloane is sitting where Ferris was. FLOOR. major league baseball and.. FERRIS What?! Sloane bursts out laughing. She makes a . looking bored. Ferris realizes he's looking at something out the window. HIS POV In the gridlock traffic. HER POV Tom stares at her. He pauses. He turns and looks right into CAMERA. FERRIS (to Sloane) What's he doing? SLOANE (revolted) He's looking at me and he's licking the glass and making obscene gestures with his hands. Turns back to CAMERA. their cab is squeezed tight alongside another cab. She's wearing sunglasses. feet up on the seat. In that cab is Tom. He looks away. FERRIS' POV Tom glances back at his paper. Cameron and Ferris are on the floor. SLOANE Roast! She licks her finger and touches Ferris knee. He turns. Fakes a yawn. She turns and glances out the window. INT.worth of cooked pancreas. Thinks. CAB. He's baffled. TOM'S POV Ferris' frozen face. Looks up. two of the most incredible breasts ever to come out of modern plastics. On their asses. with their backs to the back of the front seat. He's frozen. (quizical look) Are you gonna chuck your nachos? Cameron's staring past Ferris. He's about a foot from Ferris.
153 EXT. Cameron's a few steps behind.. He's looking in at the dog. FRONT A florist truck pulls up in front of the house. We see on the back of the paper a small story with the headline: COMMUNITY RALLIES AROUND SICK YOUTH. Rooney looks up at him. mumbling again. you worthless mutt! HIS POV The Rottweiler leaps at CAMERA... TOM'S CAB Tom's looking into Ferris' cab. His hair's messed and there're grass-stains on his knees and elbows. BACKYARD. He heads up to the house.. She's jogging to keep up.. 154 153 152 151 . The delivery man hops up on the steps. BACKYARD. ROONEY He's standing outside the fence.please. PORCH Rooney's sitting on the porch patting a bloody knee with his handkerchief. TOM He can't quite figure out what's going on. He greets Rooney cheerily.tits. CU. HOUSE. HIS POV Sloane's bouncing up and down. Tearing it apart. FERRIS' HOUSE. She collapes on the seat in hysterics. HOUSE. CITY STREET Ferris is leading the way down Michigan Avenue. INT. Ferris and Sloane make the turn at Wacker Driver and disappear into the Stone Container Building. His suit coat pocket is torn off. He's hustling through the crowd. A DELIVERY MAN gets out iwth a huge floral arrangement. He has Sloane by the hand. His suit pants are torn from the crotch to the knee. Cameron follows. EXT. CAMERON Money. DOG The Rottweiler's chewing on a shoe. He keeps bumping into people.sizzling sound. He's missing a shoe. 151 EXT. 152 EXT.00 dress shoe. 154 EXT.. He turns and slowly raises his newspaper over his face. ROONEY That's a $28.
DELIVERY MAN What's your problem? ROONEY He's one of my students. FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? The Deliver Man presses the intercom. DELIVERY MAN As I heard it from our mailman he was supposedly born with only half a kidney. A beat and we hear Ferris' recording. (continues) I don't know the details. I appreciate your concern for my wellbeing. (pause) You can reach my parents at their places of business. DELIVERY MAN (to the intercom) Thank you. DELIVERY MAN Focus on Flowers. Thank you for stopping by.DELIVERY MAN Howdy! He presses the doorbell. DELIVERY MAN Little bugger's dying. I have a delivery. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day. But my boss had to send to Milwaukee to get more orchids.. DELIVERY MAN . It will be remembered long after this illness has passed.. He's very popular.that in my weakened condition... I'm very ill and I'm afraid.. ROONEY It's a recording.. DELIVERY MAN Nobody's home here? ROONEY No. asshole. ROONEY What? FERRIS' VOICE . FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry but I can't come to the door right now. Rooney is flabbergasted. I could take a nasty spill and subject myself to further school absenses.
He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck. We hear her car radio. Rooney looks incredulously at the arrangement. His name is Ferris Mueller. is sitting behind his microphone.. DELIVERY MAN Gotta run.. D. 157 EXT. FERRIS He put his headphones on... I guess there's hope for the human race afterall. DELIVERY MAN You wanna keep an eye on these? Rooney looks at the flowers. I don't know who that was or what they were playing but I apologize for it nonetheless. RADIO STATION STUDIO The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D. (pause) I have a guest with me today. FERRIS 157 156 155 . He hands the arrangement to Rooney.J.J. STUDIO. He opens the attached card.J. 156 INT. D. ROONEY (defeated) Oh. CU. Then he looks at the Delivery Man. Christ. FACULTY AND STAFF 155 INT.You gonna be around for awhile? ROONEY I imagine so. FERRIS' HOUSE Jeanie's car pull in the driveway. DELIVERY MAN (happy sigh) It really touches me that so many people are rallying behind this guy. CARD It's signed: ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY THE ENGLISH DEPT.
I have what I consider to be an excellent broadcast voice. 158 INT. Ferris Bueller. FERRIS' VOICE . you and your listeners are probably not going to believe this but. Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio. FERRIS I'm going to tell a massive lie here. I used to play records and do introductions to them.J. This is a 50. Anyway. CAR ANTENNA The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in the air. FERRIS It's cool.J. JEANIE She goes into shock. CAR. He has an incredible story. Steve. I'm going out to several million people so let me just say.. Sorry about that. SCHOOL A group of kids are sitting around a blaster. I'm in a very pleasant groove right now.. INT. CU... it challenges the imagination. I practise it in the bathroom all the time.000 watt outlet. Unlike television which provides the images. (clears his voice..Bueller. speaks into the mike. (pause) You know this. it's always been a dream of mine to be on the radio.I'm the first Chicago area youth 159 158 . her head cocks. Ferris turns to CAMERA. affects a "radio" voice) Well. D.. Her eyes blink. But I've never had the chance to sit behind a microphone and try it out for real. STUDIO Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone. D. I think radio's a facinating medium. radio. 159 INT. It's going to by very thick and very steamy.
HALLWAY A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster. 162 EXT. 160 INT. They're cheering him on. lit up a 'boro and Mrs. The car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and I think Rooney pocketed the cash. Heller's home number but is cost too much. I was putting out a cigarette.to be selected to participate in a space shuttle mission. BACKYARD 162 161 160 The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn. shape or from my fault. car. SCHOOL. After I got flunked in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail box. It was weird. I took it again and passed. But I had to work at Burger King to get the cash to pay for the driver's ed. 161 INT. remember? He turns back to the DJ. FERRIS' HOUSE. FERRIS I was going to say I knew Springsteen's home phone number and I was going to give out the number of the New Jersey State Police but I thought I might get busted. pulled out of the lot. EXT. I'm so used to getting in a car and lighting up. like I was told. But I can't prove it? I'm in high school. car and spaced completely. because I'm not allowed to smoke at home. ROONEY . FERRIS It's kind of a long story but I've been doing alot of programming for NASA. The broken pieces are all around the dog's head. How did you get picked for this. Heller looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny out of my nose or something and I realized what the hell I was doing and I went to put it out and hit the mail box. BACKYARD. The flower arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog. FERRIS HOUSE. Anyway. I was so pissed off at her reaction to the whole thing that I considered running an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna use Mrs. D. which was not in any way. STUDIO Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA. that I got in the driver's ed.J.
His head snaps around. ROONEY Sleep tight. pooch. He looks around the foyer and heads into the kitchen. The yardstick flings the covers and the pillows beneath them in the air. HOUSE. JEANIE I knew it! She grabs the phone and sits down. 167 166 165 164 163 . He slinks up on the porch. He peeks in.. JEANIE Is Mrs. 164 EXT. HIS POV A glimpse of a fleeting figure. Do you know where she is? Do you know when she'll be back? Do you know anything? She slams the phone down. A smile spreads across her face. 167 INT. She stomps in and turns off the snoring synthesizer. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs. The front door's open. JEANIE The worm has luck like clams have body odor. CU. Bueller there? Where is she? This is her daughter. ROONEY His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge..He's smiling with great satisfaction. He drops down and peek in the windows. HOUSE. 165 INT. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie kicks the door open. She's startled by a noise downstairs. HOUSE. FOYER Rooney sneaks into the house. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. HOUSE. 163 INT. He hears something in the house. He's back and she's going to nail him. FRONT Rooney sneaks around the side of the house. 166 INT. She dials a number.
HOUSE. D. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in the face. CAR Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house. CAR Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the car. 169 170 INT. She flees back up the stairs. you can really have something to be proud of. CAR Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear. FOYER Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen. 170 171 INT. EXT. VOICE Can you stay around and take a few phone calls? FERRIS' VOICE I'd really like to but I have a kidney operation in about an hour. He hits the deck. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an intruder. INT. He crosses back toward the foyer. FERRIS' VOICE My input on the Star Wars defense plan was pretty substantial so I guess this is their way of rewarding me. HOUSE.J. CAR Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to the radio. back into the kitchen.168 INT. 173 INT. I'm pretty flattered. 168 169 INT. KITCHEN Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den. KITCHEN Rooney comes out of the den. 171 172 INT. HOUSE. FOYER Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer. JOYCE If you're willing to commit a little time and a little money to this place. Jeanie squeals in horror. 173 . KITCHEN 172 Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face. EXT.
CAR The door opens. JOYCE (to the kid) Well. Joyce gets in. how are you bearing up? The kid stares at her. D. A song starts. BOYD How do you watch your mouth? JOYCE Do you know my son? . VOICE I wish you the best of luck.J. BOYD I knew he was bullshitting. FERRIS' VOICE Thanks. She opens the car door. BOYD Is he going up in the space shuttle in September? Joyce looks around at Boyd. JOYCE Did I tell you I have a son your age? BOYD Twice. The clients get in the other side. Steve.J. MOTHER Watch your mouth. JOYCE Not that I know of. JOYCE His name is Ferris. VOICE A very interesting guy. Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name. I think you'd like him. D.Don't let the black living room throw you off. INT. She gives him a curious look. Ferris Bueller. Boyd.
If you have any brains whatsoever. Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car. I need help! 175 INT. The intercom goes on.FATHER Don't pay any attention to him. She's in a panic. I'd rather not have it violated or killed. I'm very alone and I'm very protective of my body. We HEAR TIRES 177 176 175 174 . (pause) My name is Bueller. Jeanie's face drops. 177 EXT. in our kitchen. I think it's fun. And a scorching case of herpes. In the distance SIRENS WAIL. JEANIE'S VOICE Excuse me. BOYD I don't think it's cute. 174 INT. PARKING LOT The three are waiting for the Ferrari. STREET Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck. There's another pause. JEANIE This is not a phoeny phone call. If whoever's in the house is still in the house. possibly armed. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. JEANIE'S VOICE I'd also like to add that I have my father's gun. you'll get your ass out of my house real quick. okay? I'm very cute. There's an intruder. Rooney stiffens with fear. KITCHEN Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel. male caucasian. certainly weird. JEANIE It's real nice that you hope my brother's feeling better but I'm in danger. I'd like you to know that I have just called the police. It's parked in front of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with parking citations. 176 EXT. He thinks it's cute to bait adults.
CAMERON Nothing. FERRIS Just out of curiosity. We return the car. Then the Ferrari pulls down the ramp and jams to a frightening stop. SLOANE What's next. Keep that in mind. what was your top speed coming down the ramp? BLACK GUY (matter-of-fact) About 60. Ferris is driving and Cameron is crammed in the back. And back to the speedometer. FERRIS This is probably the last time you'll have to ride back here. then to the road. A BLACK GUY jumps out. Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes. AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. FERRIS Stunning! He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the passenger seat forward for Cameron.SQUEALING. FERRIS We have enough cash left for a quick flight to Peoria and back. 178 EXT. He glances down at the speedometer. FERRIS Cameron? How many miles did you say this thing had when we left? CAMERON 178 . FERRARI Sloane's in the passenger seat. Ferris hands him the parking stub. My parents aren't coming home until late. DOWNTOWN STREET The Ferrari cruises through traffic. Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in. CAMERON Very funny. INT. SLOANE We could go to my house.
SLOANE Cameron! Cut it out! What's wrong?! Ferris! CU. CU.7. EXT. We HEAR A THUNDERING. He's concerned. SLOANE She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms. We'll fix it. SPEEDOMETER The odometer reads 432. Cameron. He starts to breathe heavily. FERRIS He shoots Sloane a look. Why? How many miles are on it now? He glances down at the speedometer. CU. INT. CU. FERRARI Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron. SLOANE You okay? CU. Her gesture is one of genuine support. EXT. TRAFFIC The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. It's okay.One hundred and twenty six and halfway between three and four tenths. FERRIS (to CAMERA) Here's where Cameron goes berserk. He's trembling. CU. FERRIS He looks at Sloane. CAMERON He's still holding the stare. EXPRESSWAY The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic. CAMERON His eyes are frozen in a mindless. vacant stare. . MUFFLED SCREAM. FERRIS Hey.
FERRIS' HOUSE.. VOICE Anybody home? FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry that I can't come to the door right now. Nothing's a problem for you. SLOANE What can I do. Her jaw goes slack. just shut-up. She blinks her eyes. are you okay? It's no problem. HOUSE. God! Thank you.you. thank you. FOYER The doorbell rings.. The Ferris' tape is activated..FERRIS Cameron. 179 INT. FRONT DOOR The door swings open.. FERRIS VOICE Who is it? We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom. HER POV 180 179 . thank you! She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door. Your old man won't know a thing. FERRIS Eyes front.. He knows what he's doing. SLOANE Shut-up! It is a problem! For him it's a problem. 180 EXT. She turns back to Cameron. Cameron? CU. really. INT. It's completely fixable. She whips it open.. JEANIE Thank. FERRARI Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris. JEANIE I'm saved! Thank you. The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs. But it's a problem for him! So.
Spread all around them are more flowers. GIRL She holds her smile. myopic GIRL. The bus stops. He climbs aboard the bus. A school bus is crawling alongside him as kids hang out the windows. A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps up on the porch. The door slams shut. Rooney takes a deep breath. ANOTHER KID Did you get in a fight? Rooney keep walking. Rooney! What're you doing? Rooney doesn't respond. KID Hey. CU. BUS The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES. CU. The DRIVER calls out to him. NURSE (sings) WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT WE. CU.. She pushes her Coke bottle glasses up on her nose. From inside we hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON BLASTERS. ROONEY He looks vacantly at her. DRIVER You want a lift? Rooney takes a few more steps. The bus doors open. GIRL I'll bet you never smelled a real school bus before. 182 INT. He stops.The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the door with floral arrangements. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET Rooney's walking down the street.. Mr. 182 181 . A top forty montage. The passengers are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and take an empty seat next to a skinny. GIRL She looks at Rooney and smiles. 181 EXT.
He's always been a little keyed-up. FERRIS This may very well be for real. BOY A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring at him. She's stroking his hair. GIRL They've been in pocket. CU. Ferris WALKS INTO THE FOREGROUND. He addresses CAMERA. I think Cameron might have blown a micro-chip or two. BOY He leans forward. GIRL She puts one in her mouth. 184 EXT. ROONEY He turns him eyes to the front. CU. FRESHMAN BOY It's kind of like being in the belly of the beast isn't it? CU. Sloane's sitting beside him on the table. the SHOUTING RESUMES. CU. The bus jerks forward and pulls away. CU. BUS It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet street. ROONEY He stares at her. ROONEY He stares at her. 183 EXT. ROONEY He looks across to the kid. CU. GIRL Gummi Bear? CU. GIRL She holds up a candy package. PARK 184 183 Cameron's laying on a picnic table. They're real soft and warm. All I wanted to do .CU. The BLASTERS go back on.
. FERRIS My best friend has flipped-out. We follow him. As much as we like each other. CU.was give him a good day. And she's gonna treat him like shit because he's gonna kiss her ass for giving him what he's built-up in his mind as the end-all. FERRIS He looks to the picnic table. He's gonna marry the first girl he lays. She won't respect him because you can't respect someone who kisses your ass. SLOANE She's studying Cameron's face. Then we have the summer. CU. FERRIS (VO) Cameron's never been in love. Then back to CAMERA. How do I deal with that? I was serious when I said I'd marry her. This isn't just teenage infatuation. And we'll see each other at night and on the weekends but then he'll go to one school and I'll go to another. At least no one's ever been in love with him. FERRIS Sloane's a bigger problem. He'll work and I'll work. What do they call what they have? If that's love. Sloane's stroking his hair. the process of growing up will separate us. FERRIS I'm being tested here. be-all of human existance. He begins to walk. She still has another year of high school. It just doesn't work. We're gonna graduate in a couple of months. Conventional wisdom would suggest a visit to the nearest trauma center. CAMERON His eyes are closed. And basically that'll be it. I wouldn't fault anybody for doing that. personally. SLOANE Ferris? CU. That's what my parents call it. She looks away. I would. My. I'll take infatuation. He starts back to the picnic table.
I think this calls for something new, something bold, something wet and wild. 185 CU. JACUZZI JET UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles. CU. BLASTER A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES UP. CU. BEER CAN LID The finger pops a beer. CU. OREO PACKAGE A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper. INT. JACUZZI Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer. Sloane's eating Oreos. FERRIS You feeling any better, Cameron? SLOANE The water's really nice. I wish you'd come in. CU. CAMERON Staring into space. CAMERON Surgery...fire...move... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers her his beer. FERRIS Cameron? Do you think this because of the car or is it a combination of everything shitty in your life? CU. CAMERON He doesn't respond. CAMERON Music...kiss...attack... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS 185
Sloane sips the beer. FERRIS You just can't deal with anymore shit? The car took you into the red zone? Time for a reality check? SLOANE Cameron? I could flip real easy, too. There's nothing wrong with it. At one time or another, everybody goes to the zoo. FERRIS Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe he wasn't bullshitting himself. CU. CAMERON No response. CAMERON Gesundheit...God...mercy... EXT. BACKYARD Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend. CU. CAMERON He smiles. CU. SLOANE She leans forward and stares at Cameron. CU. FERRIS He cocks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to. CU. CAMERON He keels over forward. EXT. BACKYARD Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down, face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for him. UNDERWATER Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water. UNDERWATER
Ferris grabs Cameron's collar and rips him out of the water. EXT. BACKYARD Ferris sits Cameron on the edge of the Jacuzzi. FERRIS CAMERON! CU. CAMERON His eyes are closed. He's lifeless. CU. FERRIS His face is a mask of terror. He shakes Cameron. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. CU. CAMERON A smile spreads across his face. CU. FERRIS He sees the smile. He stops shaking Cameron. EXT. JACUZZI Ferris and Cameron are looking at each other. Sloane's still screaming. She realizes that Cameron's okay. She stops screaming. SLOANE What? FERRIS (Cameron) You asshole! Cameron's smiling. SLOANE What? Ferris starts to laugh. Cameron explodes with laughter. Sloane's bewildered. SLOANE What's so funny? 186 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 186
Jeanie's sitting on a wooden bench with a WASTED TEENAGE BOY in a Triumph t-shirt, long hair, torn jeans, creepers, studs and chains. He's studying her. BOY Drugs?
. I hate my brother. In a nutshell. BOY Then why don't you go home? JEANIE Why don't you put your thumb up your butt? The boy stares at her. I'm straight. I'm serious. are you here for drugs? Jeanie stares at him. He understands the emotion. BOY I meant. Jeanie looks back at him. JEANIE Alright. not yet. JEANIE I don't know why I'm here. Jeanie turns away. BOY You want to talk about your problem? JEANIE With you? Are you serious? BOY Yeah. JEANIE You really want to know what's wrong? The boy shrugs. I've got the troubles. JEANIE Why are you here? BOY Drugs. The boy crosses his legs. If you've got the time. Did you shoot him or something? JEANIE No. JEANIE Blow yourself. thank you. How's that? BOY That's cool. The boy nods.JEANIE No.
JEANIE If you say Ferris Bueller. JEANIE Excuse me? BOY Excuse you. Jeanie stares at him threateningly. BOY What do you care if your brother ditches school? Jeanie stares at the boy. You oughta spend a little more time dealing with yourself and a little less time worrying about what your brother does. JEANIE I'd get caught. JEANIE Why should he get to ditch school when everybody else has to go? BOY You could ditch. you lose a testicle. BOY So. Jeanie stares angrily at him.JEANIE I went home to confirm that the shithead was ditching school and a guy broke into the house and I called the cops and they picked me up for making a phoney phone call. you're pissed at him because he ditches and doesn't get caught? JEANIE Basically. It's just an opinion. Partly because he's so bold and partly because he's so right. The boy nods knowingly. BOY You know him? . BOY There's somebody you should talk to. BOY Then your problem is you.
what would it be? FERRIS Sloane is naked before your eyes and you're thinking about words? SLOANE God bless you. what would it be? FERRIS I can't believe you'd think up something like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi right in front of you. CAMERON I was just thinking was like. CY. it doesn't make if the present 187 FERRIS I have a agree with you there. answer his question. CAMERON Thank you. The wheels are turning. meditating. SLOANE Come on. JEANIE'S HAND It curls into a fist. ACCELERATOR A brick's resting on the accelerator. FERRARI TIRE It's spinning rapidly. Sloane. The whole time things over. 187 CU. Cameron. The engine's racing. Ferris. holding it down. FERRIS Bathroom. INT. CAMERON If you guys only had one word. CAMERON I've been thinking all day that if you could only have the use of one word. CAMERON'S GARAGE Ferris. SLOANE Really. . The Ferrari is jacked up.CU. I I was thinking And I realized and difference goes to shit. about the future. Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage.
Ferris looks up. FERRIS Cash.SLOANE I'd say. CU. Cameron smiles at his wisdom. . CAMERON The miles aren't coming off. FERRIS Hello. SLOANE Love. SLOANE You wanna be generic? CAMERON It's help. GARAGE Cameron pulls his head out of the car... CAMERON The word is help. She thinks. FERRIS And what is you loathe somebody? Are you going to say "love" every time you see them? SLOANE It's better than "hello". ODOMETER Nothing's happening. FERRIS Hellos' generic. running it in reverse. Ferris and Sloane think about it. Cameron peeks in the window. CAMERON Ferris? It's not working. CAMERON It's the only word you could ever use. INT. Cameron gets up and walks to the Ferrari. It's a good choice.
He has made up his mind and it appears that it won't be changed by anyone but himself. CAMERON He's serious and determined. CU. CU. Let's crack open the odometer and roll it back by hand. Now. SLOANE She smiles proudly at Cameron. CU. I'm taking a stand against my father. MERCEDES BUMPER Cameron's foot rests on the bumper. It's cool. When my father comes home tonight. FERRIS This is a big U-2 fan. CU. my present and my future.000 . CU. CAMERON Seventeen years and I've never taken a stand. CU. against my past. A $50. He walks back around behind the Ferrari. GARAGE Cameron has kicked the Ferrari off the jack. She applauds him. It squeals out of the garage in a cloud of blue tire smoke. I'm gonna do it. INT. TIRE The spinning tires slam down on the cement. against myself. A beat and it gives a mighty shove. CAMERON I got a better idea. FERRIS He turns to CAMERA. TIRES It's spinning wildly. he's finally going to have to deal with me. Good or bad. against my family. I will take a stand and I will defend it. Cameron shakes his head. I will not sit idly by as events that affect me unfold to change the course of my life. I'm taking a stand.FERRIS I thought that might be a problem.
FERRIS Cameron? One quick question. CU. You wrecked a car. EXT. SLOANE Why? CAMERON I took a stand. across the street. HOUSE The Ferrari shoots down the driveway. He's proud and bold. Cameron. Then he regains his confidence. FERRIS What was that about? SLOANE This has to be a dream. He shoots a look to Ferris. They look at Cameron. Cameron looks across the street.unmanned investment heading backwards down a driveway. FERRIS You trashed the car. over the curb into the wooded property opposite the house. CAMERON It's okay. INT. Ferris and Sloane are bewildered. TREE The Ferrari's brief journey ends as it smacks a tree trunk. Why'd you do that? Cameron holds his proud posture for a beat. GARAGE Cameron watches the car go. FERRIS No. THEIR POV The Ferrari travels down the driveway. CU. GARAGE Ferris and Sloane exchange baffled looks. SLOANE AND FERRIS They're in shock. He's strangely placcid about the impending disaster. INT. Cameron thinks for a moment. A puzzled look. . Then a look of bewilderment comes over his face.
188 . I think she'd had a good scare. we see Jeanie and the boy making out. This is a shock to me. thanks. Outside the office. SLOANE What about your one word? CAMERON You already did it. 188 INT. He shakes his head. OFFICE Joyce is talking with the juvenile officer. CAMERON It's cool. POLICE STATION.Ferris looks across the street at the car. I hope you son's feeling better. FERRIS I think this could work. I'm loose. by the way. If you're interested. If I need it again. I don't know why she'd call you with this story about a rapist. JOYCE I hope so. I appreciate your calling me. He raises am impish eyebrow. I don't know why she wasn't at school. Joyce looks at the officer curiously. JOYCE She's never been in trouble before. First. CAMERON I'm gonna handle it. FERRIS I have an idea. The gathers her purse and jacket and stands. on the bench. I can assure you that her father and I will have a long talk with her. I'll use it. I want to deal with it by myself. He smiles. JOYCE Thank you. CAMERON No. Cameron looks at him. Second. OFFICER Oh. OFFICER For whatever reasons she did it.
His old man had it coming. FERRIS Yeah. SLOANE You think Cameron's gonna be alright? FERRIS Sure. Jeanie wipes her lips and sits up straight. He'll be okay. JEANIE (to the boy) If you keep this to yourself. JOYCE Don't "hi" me.OFFICER Tell him. I think we can probably get it on pretty good. JEANIE Hi. 189 INT. Get your stuff. I guess. Jeanie stands up. POLICE STATION. I'd be worried if he'd 190 189 . young lady. BOY For sure. 190 EXT. SLOANE'S BACKYARD Sloane and Ferris are standing at the back fence. SLOANE I had a great time today. He had to so it. Jeanie reaches down for her purse. She's still a little bewildered that everybody knows Ferris was ill. What's yours? BOY Garth Volbeck. It was pretty cool. BOY What's your name? JEANIE Jean. WAITING ROOM Jeanie quickly breaks the embrace with the boy as Joyce steps out of the juvenile officer's room. all the guys at the station here are pulling for him. The boy adjusts his pants to better hide his passion.
does a flip and lands on the grass on the other side of the pool.taken my idea. CU.. I'm just real loose. He's approaching it from the side. CU. 193 CU. hits the diving board. springs off. He runs directly for a swimming pool. ANOTHER BACKYARD 192 191 Ferris vaults a fence.765. FERRIS I'll call you tonight. SLOANE He's gonna marry me. SLOANE You didn't have an idea. A significant amount of cash. PIECE OF PAPER We see a portion of the typewritten letter as she signs it. Sloane watches him go. Sloane smiles knowingly. SLOANE I LOVE YOU! She backs away from the fence. SLOANE She's writing.. He kisses her. FERRIS No. He leaps. He jumps a plaster elf.33. A huge smile spreads across her face. 192 EXT. Ferris jumps the fence and takes off across the backyards. Sloane nods. did you? FERRIS Not a glimmer. SLOANE You're so smart. 191 EXT. ".in the amount of $1. I know it. She turns and runs into the house. BACKYARD Ferris sprints across a backyard. BEDSPREAD Neatly bundles stacks of bills and rolled coins. MUSIC FADES UP. It gives us great pleasure to assist 193 .
Tom's at the wheel. He reaches down and lifts the doormat. He's holding the house key. He does a take. past a WOMAN. fixing dinner and out her backdoor. FERRIS He stares up in horror. The car pulls around him. INT. The toe of a chewed-up dress shoe steps INTO FRAME. BACK PORCH Ferris tries the door. PORCH The outline of a key in the dirt under the mat.you in performance of your worthy and much needed survives to those so desperately in need. 197 EXT. Joyce pulls in from the other direction. Sloane Peterson Executive Director The Ferris Bueller Foundation" 194 EXT. HIS POV Rooney's looking down at him. CU. TOM He realizes it couldn't be Ferris. FERRIS' STREET He's running down the middle of the street. FERRIS' HOUSE Tom pulls in the driveway. CU. An OMNIOUS CHORD IS STRUCK. HOUSE Ferris runs through the kitchen. It's locked. He glances in the mirror. Sincerely. 195 INT. MIRROR We see Ferris cut across a front lawn and into a house. He parks and gets out. 197 196 195 194 . CAR. The key's gone. EXT. A car honks. HOUSE. CU. 196 EXT. PORCH Ferris stands up. HIS POV. Ferris moves to the side. The Woman looks up curiously. He smiles.
Ferris. Then it dawns on him what's happening. JEANIE (to Rooney) Thank you for bringing him home. the backdoor opens. Ferris limps into the house. ROONEY How does another year of high school sit with you? Suddenly. Rooney. EXT.ROONEY Looking for this? FERRIS Yes. Rooney gloats severely. (to Ferris) You better get up in bed tight now. This time I finally got you. you're alright! We've been worried sick! CU. JEANIE . CU. PORCH Jeanie breaks the embrace. He smiles. His victory is evaporating. She feigns joy and relief. JEANIE Thank God. ROONEY His eyes dart from Ferris to Jeanie to Ferris. JEANIE Can you imagine someone as sick as Ferris trying to walk home from the hospital? (shakes her head) Kids! CU. Jeanie looks out. FERRIS A moment of curiosity. There's no way out. Ferris is caught. CU. Mr. ROONEY He's dumbfounded. ROONEY I got you. She rushes Ferris and hugs him.
DOG The click of the door wakes him up. 199 EXT. CU. TODD Ferris? Does my head look like it's getting bigger? Ferris leans against the counter as he tries to catch his breath.She raises her hands and strikes a karate pose. Jeanie comes in. but Kimberly's is. ROONEY A look of terror as he realizes that is was Jeanie who kicked him and that Jeanie knows it was he who she kicked. Not only has he lost Ferris again. ROONEY He senses new danger. Kimberly feels her head. KIMBERLY (to Todd) Is he serious? TODD I think so. HOUSE The door closes on Rooney's defeated. We hear AN O. He crosses to the refrigerator and opens it. CU. KITCHEN Kimberly and Todd are sitting at the kitchen table watching TV and eating cereal. They look up at Ferris as he comes in from outside. PORCH Jeanie steps into the house. A huge smile passes over her face. EXT. CU. YARD. 198 INT. 200 INT. shit! Ferris takes out a bottle of orange juice out of the refrigerator and drinks straight from the bottle. FERRIS No. His head pops up off the grass. dejected. 200 199 198 .C. He looks at his little brother. bewildered face. GROWL. KIMBERLY Oh. Rooney squeezes his eyes shut. lost. he has Jeanie to deal with next year.
202 INT. JEANIE No problem. KITCHEN Ferris and Jeanie exit the kitchen as Joyce and Tom enter. FERRIS Upstairs. 204 203 202 201 . SECOND FLOOR LANDING Ferris and Jeanie stop. JEANIE I'm sorry I've been riding your buns for so long. JOYCE (to Todd and Kimberly) Hi. Ferris gives her a proud smile. Jeanie. JOYCE (OC) Ferris! Ferris continues up the stairs. HOUSE.FERRIS Thanks. Ferris and Jeanie step gingerly through the flowers and head upstairs. FERRIS I want to. plants and gifts. JEANIE You don't have to. FERRIS By the way. I'll pay you back. KIMBERLY Is my head swelling up? 203 INT. JEANIE You don't have to. I borrowed some cash from you. FERRIS It's completely cool. I've been ripping off your wallet for years. FOYER The foyer is jammed with floral arrangements. HOUSE Joyce and Tom head up to the kitchen. He affects a sickly voice. guys. 201 EXT. Mom! 204 INT.
. There's no point pushing yourself and making it worse. Please. But stay away from his brother.JEANIE Do you know a guy named Garth Volbeck? FERRIS Vaguely. TOM I know I'm right. TOM Ferris. No sooner are the covers over him than the bedroom door opens and Joyce and Tom walk in. FERRIS (deathly gasp) 150% better. TOM (OC) Ferris? How do you feel? He pulls in his tongue to speak. FERRIS I'm much better. JEANIE Is he cool? FERRIS He's cool. JOYCE Honey? CU. FERRIS Maybe you're right. 205 INT. I'm graduating in June and I. FERRIS The same deathly face he had in the morning.. BEDROOM Tom and Joyce hover over him with deep concern. Joyce sits down. Ferris walks into the room. They walk over to the bed. I want to go to school. really. Tongue out. JOYCE How did you get so sweet? 205 . brushes the crumbs off his hands and peels off his shirt. eyes bulging. thank you. don't make me stay home again. Joyce leans over and kisses him forehead. Dad. You're sick. He climbs into bed.
FERRIS (happy sigh) Yeah. Tom pats Ferris on the rump. MUSIC UP BIG END TITLES THE END . He and Joyce exit. life is a carousel. CU.FERRIS Years of practice. A great big crazy ball of pure living. A beat and we HEAR THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSE. FERRIS You gotta get one. FERRIS The hideous face. He rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his head. Ferris looks at CAMERA. He smiles. breathing joy and delight.