Where's Mom? TODD Is my head going to swell up? TOM What?! JEANIE OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!! MOTHER (JOYCE) (screams) TOM! The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP. TODD What's that? KIMBERLY Wait! Hold still! TODD What?! KIMBERLY You heads starting to swell up!! Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the hallway. A door open. TOM (breathless) What's the matter? JOYCE (worried) It's Ferris! TOM What's wrong? JOYCE (snaps) What's wrong? For Christ's sake! Look at him! 2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA. His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side. 3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties. Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed 3 2

for work. TOM Ferris? JOYCE He doesn't have a fever. But he says his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots. 4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS His lifeless eyes blink. 5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead. TOM What's the matter, Ferris? JOYCE Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy. Tom takes one of Ferris' hands. TOM (discreetly) Should you call the doctor? JOYCE (whispers) He doesn't want me to. TOM Why don't you want Mom to call the doctor? Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can manage is a choked gasp. TOM What? Ferris tries again. FERRIS (raspy) Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up. He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down. FERRIS I have a test today. I have to take it. I want to get into a good college so I can have a fruitful life... JOYCE You're not going to school like this. (to Tom) Maybe I should call the office and 5 4

Ferris' brother. JEANIE. If I was bleeding out my eyes. I wanna puke. Dry that one out and you can fertilize the lawn. walks into the room.tell them I won't be in. His body stiffens and he chokes. His older sister. KIMBERLY Myocardial infarction? JOYCE . She's dressed for school. JEANIE (angry. TODD and sister. JEAN Yeah. FERRIS Is that Jeanie? I can't see that far. A major pill. defeated) You're really letting him stay home? I can't believe this. Jeanie. God! He's gripped by a seizure. Mom. She's cute and stuck-up. right. KIMBERLY peek into the room. JEAN Oh. Ferris. FERRIS I'm okay.. JEANIE You're not falling for this. Cherish it. I feel perfectly. JEANIE (to herself) Oh. It's so unfair. Jeanie. JOYCE (annoyed) Thank you. Jeanie. Jeanie? JEANIE Pucker up and squat. you guys'd make me go to school. She glares at Ferris. fine. Get to school. She slips out of the room. Her eyes are mascara and vengence.Oh. Be thankful that you're fit and have your health.. are you? Tell me you're not falling for this. TOM That's enough. FERRIS Please don't be upset with me. What's this? What's his problem? JOYCE He doesn't feel well.

TOM I'll check it with you. You're both very special people. TODD (worried) Dad? Does my head look alright? JOYCE Get downstairs! Now! TODD Just answer me one question! Is it swelling up? Kim said it was going to get as big as. Daddy'll be right down. too. She turns sharply and exits. My office'll know where I am. caring parents. KIMBERLY (OC) A WATERMELON! TODD (yells out the room) Shut-up! JOYCE Get downstairs! NOW! Todd backs out of the room.Get your stuff. 6 CU. I got dibs on his stereo. FERRIS It's nice to know I have such loving. KIMBERLY Syphilitic meningitus? That would be a huge family embarrassment. I'll just sleep. if you need me. Maybe I'll have an aspirin around noon.. JOYCE (to Ferris) I'm showing houses to the family from California today but I'll be in the area. FERRIS I'll be okay.. FERRIS 6 . TOM Get downstairs! KIMBERLY If he dies.

The lock clicks. hundred and two.He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids. Tom pats his shoulder. 9 CU. A sly. pumpkin. 8 CU. (looks out the window) What a beautiful day! He turns from the window. It's physical evidence of illness. non-specific symptom. Parents are generally pretty hip to the fever scams. It's a good. BEDROOM. little smile crawls across his lips. And to make them work you have to go a hundred and one. TOM Get some rest. The MTV theme music ROARS IN. Ferris' eyes shift from the door to CAMERA. The MTV logo is playing. The pall of the sickroom disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight. 10 INT. JOYCE (OC) We love you. They close the door. JOYCE I hope you feel better. sweetie. TV SCREEN The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. JOYCE She strokes Ferris' hair. 7 INT. FERRIS Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. TOM (OC) Call if you need us. FERRIS Parents always fall for the clammy hands. His glassy eyes follow his parents to the door. You get a nervous mother and you end up in a doctor's office 10 9 8 7 . She leans down and kisses his forehead. FERRIS Ferris lets out a wheeze. FERRIS They bought it. BEDROOM Ferris yanks open the drapes.

It's a little stupid and childish but then so if high school. FERRIS I do actually have a test. moaning and wailing. SHOWER STALL. FERRIS That I care about it was. BATHROOM Ferris walks into the bathroom. So. That wasn't bullshit. He turns on the shower water. So. Ferris' hair is standing straight up. really. He exits into the hallway.and that's worse than school. Through the pebbled glass of the shower door we see Ferris' outline. This If I have must FERRIS is my ninth sick day with semester. It's littered with Jean's debris. just lick your palms. He pops up. I mean. I'm probably going to to barf up a lung. 12 11 . A NEW SONG begins. FERRIS I don't care if you're fifty five or seven. What's the point? I'm not European. who gives a shit if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists and it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. everybody needs a day off now and then. 12 INT. go for ten. He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV broadcast. How can I be expected to handle high school? He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. FERRIS Fake a stomach cramp and when you're doubled over. BATHROOM. Inside the shower. It's a beautiful day. Right? He equalizes the sound a little. I absolutely make this one count. He steps into the shower. I don't plan to be European. 11 INT. FERRIS It's on European socialism. It's moulded into a fin with shampoo.

"I don't believe in Beatles. HALLWAY. "What's the deal. They can be real touchy. He should believe in himself. He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it. FERRIS (OC) I'm not very political? Let me put that into perspective.. he was the Walrus. John Lennon said it on his first solo album. FERRIS I could be the Walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off people. "Isms". Uncle Jeff? In wartime you want to be a pacifist and in peacetime you want to be a soldier.. I just believe in me.. Just like that. LATER Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. So I said." A good point there. BEDROOM Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed. He passes CAMERA and goes into his room. 14 13 . right? On the Fourth of July he was down with my aunt and he got drunk and told my Dad he felt guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam. He opens his door.. A person should not believe in an "ism". (pause) Be careful when you deal with old hippies.He turns the shower head around and uses it like a microphone. 13 INT. BABY. He's drying his hair with another of a different color. Afterall. It took you twenty years to find out you don't believe in anything?" (snaps his fingers) Grounded. in my opinion are not good. 14 INT. FERRIS My uncle went to Canada to protest the war. TWIST AND SHOUT. FERRIS Not that I condone fascism. Two weeks. FERRIS (sings) WELL SHAKE IT UP. Or and "isms".

15 16 INT. His father's dead and his sister's rumored to be a prostitute. The smoke tasted like glue. I'd appreciate it.. BEDROOM He walks across the room to his dresser. if I was him. It was because of his family. she hears memories. He finds a shirt he likes. I was sleeping at his house once and I was laying on the dark worrying that his brother was going to come in and hack me to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying. If she listens to the White Album now? She doesn't hear music.15 INT. . FERRIS My mother was a hippie. (pause) My parents never allowed Garth over here. I'm probably his only friend. There was no specific thing he was crying about. But she lost it. She got old. "Nothing". I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of artificial fruit just so he could see what it was like to have his stomach pumped. Alot of fights with the parents on that point. I do what I can for him. He picks it up. He steps back from the closet and puts it on. He pulls out a pair of underwear. too. Not a bad guy. I always felt for Garth. He drops the towel. Nothing was wrong. Do unto others. I like him. 16 . He's in jail. Better to hold it against the guys who use her and don't care about her. It's sad but I don't hold it against her. But Garth isn't his brother. CLOSET The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts.. which is complete bullshit. I could see them not wanting his brother here because he is a registered psycho. Nostalgia is her favorite drug. I hope not. I wouldn't want him here. He opens his underwear drawer. It'll probably be mine. I asked him what was wrong and he said. Mainly his older brother. FERRIS His name is Garth Volbeck. right? Anyway. There's an old model of a submarine on the top of the dresser. FERRIS In eighth grade a friend of mine made a bong out of one of these. She only puts out so people will hang out with her. He gets dressed as he speaks. his mother owns a gas station. I mean. It isn't his fault that his brother's screwed-up. He's a serious outsider.

He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet door. Figure that shit out. He's eighteen. He just cried himself to sleep every night. FERRIS 18 17 . 18 INT. He's wearing a completely different outfit. cut loose and enjoy. he wasn't really even aware that he was crying. He continues his speech as he disrobes. It's over for him. FERRIS One very serious danger is playing sick is that it's possible to believe your own act. I myself have ditched and gotten so bored I did homework. He's getting one on his own. STAIRCASE Ferris comes down the stairs. Gone from life. It was a habit. FERRIS That and boredom. TV and food. The guy's so conditioned to grief that if he doesn't feel it. His legacy is a gas station.In fact. He's lost. FERRIS Unfortunately. Otherwise you get all nervous worrying about what to do and all you get is grief and the whole point is to take it easy. He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice. he can't sleep. He crosses to the pantry. KITCHEN Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the refrigerator. they do feel for him but still the guy's banned from our house. FERRIS You have to plan things out before you take the day off. Garth doesn't need his brother to give him a rep anymore. 17 INT. now my parents have a legit argument. HOUSE. How could you possibly dump on guy who has to deal with that kinda shit? My parents acknowledge the trudge of the situation and I'm sure that deep down. Gone from school. He doesn't like what he's wearing. Then they realize there's nothing to do. Alot of people ditch and feel great for about an hour.

CAMERON FRYE. he looks at someone like me and thinks. 21 INT.yes. ANOTHER HOUSE A sleek. when everybody's out of school. rich future ahead of him. 22 EXT. nightstand a still-life of over the counter remedies.. He's mumbling random words.. what's he got to bitch about?" 20 CU. He reaches over and picks up the telephone. FERRIS Some guy whose hair is falling out and his stomach's hanging over his belt and everything he eats makes him fart. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY is playing. floor strewn with used tissues. "This kid's young and strong and has a full. FERRIS There's alot of pressure at work in my age group. PHONE He punches out a number. He sets it in his lap.. CAMERON Food.. A prime house in a prime location. dreary sick room. is laying in bed. A high school boy. FERRIS He remote controls the TV on.no... He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos. you're going to wish you'd gone to school so you could be out having fun. A telephone rings OVER. Do it right. BOY'S BEDROOM It's a dark. 23 INT. FAMILY ROOM. modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. We don't see his face.. only a silhouette with a thermometer sticking out his mouth. Shades drawn. 23 22 21 20 19 .. FERRIS That's just one reason why I need a day off every now and then. FAMILY ROOM Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair. FERRIS Avoid the misery. And it's not always recognized. 19 INT. Plan your day.You blow your day and at about three o'clock.shelter.

come on over and pick me up. I can't go anywhere. 24 INT. FERRIS Ferris is sprawled out in the chair. Where are you? FERRIS' VOICE Home. FERRIS' VOICE Is your mother in the room? Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth. FERRIS It's all in your head. 25 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM Cameron's insistant. I'm sick. CAMERON I feel like complete shit. Now. CAMERON She's not home. 25 24 . FERRIS' VOICE How do you feel? CAMERON Shredded. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker phone button. Ferris.The phone rings. CAMERON'S VOICE I can't. FERRIS I'm taking the day off. CAMERON I'm dying. CAMERON (weak) Hello? FERRIS' VOICE Cameron! What's happening? CAMERON Very little. Get dressed and come over. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry to hear that. Cameron slowly hangs up the phone. Come on over. Ferris disconnects. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM.

it's Cameron.. 26 INT. TEACHER'S VOICE Albers? BOY'S VOICE Here. FERRIS If anybody needs a day off. Cameron hits the speaker button. Pardon by French but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass. TEACHER'S VOICE Anheiser? BOY'S VOICE Here. HALLWAY We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM Ferris hangs up. in two weeks you'd have a diamond.. The boy cannot relax. TEACHER'S VOICE Busch? GIRL'S VOICE 27 26 . GIRL'S VOICE Here. rotting Air Jordans. But I like him. He's a little easier to take when you know why he's like he is. FERRIS' VOICE You're not dying. A shoe's POV. It travels past a teacher's Hush Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow Reebocks. You just can't think of anything good to do. TEACHER'S VOICE Anderson. pristine loafers.The phone rings again. SCHOOL. He can't be wound this tight and go to college. scuffed heels. (after-thought) And Cameron would worry that he'd owe taxes on it. CAMERA enters a classroom. 27 INT. He has alot of things to sort out before he graduates. I've come close myself. His roommate'll kill him.

CU. CU. TV The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws Humongous back in his seat. TEACHER'S VOICE (weary) Thank you. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war wagon. INT. He's wearing a hockey mash. 28 CU. He reaches down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve. TV Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve. 28 . The big chase at the end. (pause) My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out at 31 Flavors last night. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that it's empty. He gives it a twist.Here. TV THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. He's steering. Simone. TEACHER'S VOICE Drucker? BOY'S VOICE What? WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD. CU. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? GIRL'S VOICE He's sick. I guess it's pretty serious. FERRIS He throws himself back against the chair. GIRL'S VOICE (cheery) No problem whatsoever.

head thrown back. how often they rat on you. Ferris is sitting on her bed going through a purse. FERRIS Regardless of how much shit sisters make you eat. hey. CU. I'm broke. Very damaging to the self-image. He comes up with a five. He holds up a twenty and snaps it. TV IMPACT! MOZART COMES UP. FERRIS Arms outstretched. FERRIS He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high speed ride. CU. Because most likely they have cash and it's usually very easy to get your hands on. CU. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH Outside a bedroom window. TV The was wagon hurtles down the road. books. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY" 29 . braced for collision. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE ROOM. But. Petite pink flowers. A pink and powder blue pig pen. In times of crisis one must to what one must to. I'll pay it back. Clothes everywhere.CU. A flowering crabtree branch. FERRIS Financing my activities this way. He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill. you should not alientate them. TV The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the tanker truck. FERRIS He rears back in horror. FERRIS This is really degrading. With interest. 29 CU. CU. make-up. It's Jeanie's room. CU. records. how gross they act or how wicked and insensitive they can be.

Then a modest wad of bills. A squirt gun. 39 INT. A hand scoops them up. LIVING ROOM The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions. A U. HALL CLOSET The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets of the coats. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET An obvious gift from a grandparent. 37 CU. He closes the door. 36 CU. Mint proof set. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. VACCUUM CLEANER The dusty. 33 CU.COMES UP. 31 INT. SNOOPY BANK It's being shaken furiously. WASHING MACHINE TOP A couple of stiff. COIN COLLECTION The familiar blue collector's album. BIRTHDAY CARD It's a child's card. 34 CU. new five. SOFA Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice. PARENTS' BEDROOM Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. A screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and pops them apart. Another crumpled bill surfaces. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth. 35 CU. 32 CU. A hand peels the bills off the backing. His face lights up as he counts out the cash. 40 CU. 38 CU. bleached singles that have gone through the wash lay on top of the washer. A roll of Tums. CU.S. Locating a dollar bill. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp. KITCHEN DRAWER Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. hard. the quarters are being popped out of their slots. a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. 30 INT. A ten. dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the floor. FLOOR AND BED 40 39 38 37 36 35 34 33 32 31 30 . One-by-one.

42 INT. A cute little building in town. suburban high school. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. 46 EXT. An awl is driven in between the door and the jamb. Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. KITCHEN Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table. 47 INT. 44 INT. a charred doll's head. Not even those jerks from Vermont. JOYCE No one's going to consider a house with a black living room. 43 CU. 48 47 46 45 44 43 42 41 . OFFICE Joyce is behind a desk. FERRIS' BED A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. Let's be realistic. They're also real estate agents. my God. BANK It's on a work bench. KITCHEN Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter. I'm so sorry. She take the call. HIGH SCHOOL A modern. It pries the door open. AGENT 1 Mrs. I completely forgot to call. TABLE LEG Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used to balance the table. JOYCE Oh. MORNING A suburban realty company.Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. The SONG ENDS. Inside are trading cards. 41 CU. Volbeck's dead set against putting any money into the house. Across from her are two WOMEN. Her eyes open wide with alarm. 45 CU. a Zippo lighter and. 48 EXT. His arm reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed. JOYCE Joyce Bueller. a five dollar bill. finally.

Moderately priced dress shoes. 51 50 49 . I should have called. neatly combed hair. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. Short. He's confident to the point of arrogance. SCHOOL. 50 INT. CU. COMPUTER MONITOR The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records. It completely slipped my mind. HALLWAY It's a passing period. The hall is clogged with students. he's sorely mistaken. DEAN ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. JOYCE'S VOICE Yes. SCHOOL. JOYCE'S VOICE This is all news to me. clean and straight as an I-beam. He's toying with a pencil. Behind him is a computer terminal. He's tough. He removes his feet from the desk and turns in his swivel chair. DEAD OF STUDENTS. We hear the dean inside the office. Ferris is home sick. CU. CU. EDWARD R. Mrs. behind the sign. ROONEY I just has his file up. DESK SIGN It reads. DEAN'S VOICE I just had his file up.MAN'S VOICE Are you aware that your son is not in school today? 49 INT. The dean's feet are up on the desk. DEAN'S VOICE Are you also aware that Ferris does not have what we consider an exemplary attendance record? 51 INT. I am. INT. JOYCE'S VOICE I don't understand. Bueller. I had a meeting first thing this morning. suit and tie. DEAN'S OFFICE. OFFICE. ROONEY. ROONEY If Ferris thinks he coast this last month and still graduate.

I debated whether or not I should even leave him. 54 53 52 . 54 INT. JOYCE I can give you every assurance that Ferris is home and that he is.ROONEY'S VOICE So far this semester alone. How's that for being born under a bad sign? 53 INT. OFFICE Rooney turns to the monitor. CU. He's playing. He looks closer at the screen. very ill. TV MONITOR We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck. FERRIS I wanted a car. SOLO GUITAR. SPEAKER The grille cloth is throbbing.. I can appreciate that at this time of year children are prone to taking the day off. JOYCE'S VOICE Nine times? Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a number 2. FERRIS' BEDROOM MUSIC BLASTS. Including today. he's truly a very sick boy. JOYCE'S OFFICE She's still on the phone with Rooney. He reads off the screen. He's missed. in fact. CU. I got a computer. CU. FERRIS' ROOM Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. ROONEY I have it right here in front of me. he's been absent nine times.. He has his record up on the screen. INT. LED METERS The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone. 52 INT. but in Ferris' case.

I don't know. He sighs deeply and fall back on the bed. FERRIS' ROOM He's in bed on the phone. HALLWAY Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. I mean I heard he's really sick. SCHOOL. 55 INT.CU. (to the phone) Did you see Alien? When the guy had the creature in his stomach? It feels like that. JEANIE Who said he's sick. 58 INT. HALLWAY 58 57 56 55 . Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl. GIRL I'm really sorry about your brother. She kicks her locker shut. GIRL No. 56 INT. VIDEO CAMERA A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape. GIRL A whole bunch of people. SCHOOL. CAMERON'S ROOM He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. JEANIE What're you sorry for? I have to live with the trouser snake. I'm bricking heavily. GIRL This guy in my biology class said that if Ferris dies he's giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's really sweet isn't he? She smiles and exits. They said he's like on the verge of death. Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment. 57 INT. A GIRLFRIEND comes up to her. man. FERRIS A sample of my blood was sent to Atlanta to the Center for Disease Control. (point to the phone) Freshman.

(pause) Huh?. I hope he doesn't die. He's getting me out of summer school. sure.Yeah. why? He hands her the phone. BOY You never rented the video cassette? Second boy shakes his head. You know him? THIRD BOY (excited) Yeah. BOY Did you see Alien? GIRL Yeah. The boy snatches a passing GIRL. I appreciate you letting us know how you're doing. BOY Anyway. no. We gotta split. THIRD BOY (to the Second Boy) Who's he talking to? SECOND BOY Ferris Bueller. Hold on. I can't handle summer school. He's really wasted.A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. SECOND BOY (to Third Boy) Shit. GIRL Hello? (pause) Who? (pause) . BOY Oh. A couple of his BUDDIES are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news.. BOY Goddamn! Are you kidding? SECOND BOY What? BOY Did you see Alien? SECOND BOY No..

geeks. Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile. To show these kids that the example he sets is a first class ticket to nowhere. motorheads. ROONEY That's exactly why I have to catch him this time. How's your bod? (jaw drops) Oh. You sounded like Dirty Harry just now. 61 INT.Hi. FERRIS' HOUSE It's a glorious late spring day. 60 EXT. Sportos. Rooney stares at her for a long beat. Ed. dweebies. The last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. A florist's truck drives past the house. ROONEY What's so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is that he gives the good kids bad ideas. richies. they all adore him. FERRIS' ROOM He's on the telephone. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. His SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder. you better not throw anybody. SECRETARY He's very popular. my God! You're dying? Is it serious? (pause) Shiit! Are you upset? 59 INT. ROONEY Really? He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint. SECRETARY (impressed) Ooo. pinheads. Ed. ROONEY I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him! SECRETARY With your bad knee. Ferris. As he speaks he does a little 61 60 59 . wonkers. sluts.

You're boring me with this stuff. FERRIS You want to stay home and try to have the shits? Try to barf? Try to feel worse? CAMERON'S VOICE I don't have to try. FERRIS Cameron. FERRIS Squeeze you buns for a second.MacPainting on his MacIntosh. He sounds like he's on his last breath. CAMERON'S BEDROOM Cameron's back in bed. Take some Pepto Bismol and get dressed. I feel like shit. TOM'S VOICE Ferris? 65 INT. 62 INT. making me wait around the house for you. Why can't you leave me alone? FERRIS' VOICE You're not up for some good times? It's a beautiful day. FERRIS H--hell-o? 64 EXT. FERRIS Be a man. He clears his throat and answers the second line. if you're not over here in fifteen minutes. He puts Cameron on hold. we'd be surfing. I got another call. It's almost summer. This is bullshit. 63 INT. FERRIS' ROOM He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness. A Modigliani nude. TOM'S OFFICE 65 64 63 62 . you can find a new best friend. CAMERON I'm sick. man. I'm serious. The other phone line rings. OFFICE BUILDING. DOWNTOWN A LaSalle Street office tower. If this was Hawaii.

TOM Were you sleeping? FERRIS' VOICE I was trying to do some homework. that's just great. pal. It was making me ill looking at it. Now. listen to me. FERRIS (OC) I'm so worried about falling behind. FERRIS' ROOM He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke.He's behind his desk. COMPUTER MONITOR A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making. FERRIS Cameron? It's my Dad. So. But gee. CAMERON'S VOICE Oh. 66 . INT. I had a chest spasm and I blew lung fluid all over the place. He's just checking up on me. Are you busted? FERRIS It's completely cool. Hold on. He disconnects and gets his father back. TOM You sound miserable. Herman Miller desk and chair. He switches back to his sick voice. FERRIS Sorry. 66 CU. Dad. I'm working on getting some heavy bucks out of him. The moment before you called. Are you alright? FERRIS Just a little phlegm on the phone. the least you can do is hurry up and get over here. it's sure great of you to call. FERRIS' VOICE Really? Darn! I thought I was improving. Bye. FERRIS Dad? Can you hold on a second? TOM'S VOICE Sure. Nice office. He puts his father on hold. Two windows.

sick teenager. FERRIS You work so hard I'll bet you don't even remember where those bonds are. COMPUTER SCREEN A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA". right? TOM'S VOICE Not any harder than anybody else. 68 67 . You're just trying to cheer me up. FERRIS' ROOM He blows a smoke ring. what was I supposed to do? Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer. CHICAGO LOOP. INT. CU. He nods. TOM'S VOICE Wrong. TOM'S VOICE Hey. yeah? You're pulling my leg.I'm sure there're alot of fathers who wouldn't take time out from their busy schedules to call a dumb. Dad. Pedestrians stop to look. (looks at CAMERA and smiles) It was that kind of concern. FERRIS Give yourself some credit. FERRIS Oh. right? Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father. DIAMONDVISION SCREEN Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard. 68 INT. It's like those savings bonds you used to give me every Christmas. He lights a cigarette. It was a mammoth gesture. FERRIS' ROOM He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the desk. The screen dumps the drawing. FERRIS You had to work hard for the money to buy those things. pal. 67 EXT. Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them.

You take care. CAMERON He's sitting behind the wheel of his car. you lose some. CAMERON FERRIS disappointed in Cameron. (thinks) Of course. CAMERON We're gonna get caught. Ferris smiles. No doubt about it. 69 . sick voice) Dad? All this talking has made me kind of light-headed. FERRIS You win some. I hope my kids don't pull this shit on me. I think I better lie down. bucks says he's sitting car debating about whether he should go out. normal voice) Was that a class move or what? The guy gave it up faster than a drunk Catholic girl. Bye now. Dad. FERRIS You don't have to. He cuts the engine. FERRIS (to CAMERA. He hangs up. He looks at CAMERA. He turns his desk chair around and gets up. they'd be dumb and abnormal and they'd probably never move out of my house and I'd have to support them until I die. He's gotten exactly what he wants. I take it back. CAR. if they didn't. (to the phone. They're in a shoebox in my closet.TOM'S VOICE Like hell I am. Ferris sighs. pal. I'm so Twenty in his or not 69 INT. TOM'S VOICE Okay. TOM'S VOICE I want to. I'll call you after lunch.

The reason he doesn't fell good is.. HALLWAY Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway. SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC. CAMERON Actually. He stops the engine. He exits the room. He leafs through the pages for the pictorials as he speaks. A HERALDIC STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater.. The hands lift a sweater out. He goes into the bathroom. CAMERON He'll keep calling until I come over. FERRIS Cameron'll go on like that for a good thirty minutes. The guy is a shellfish when it comes to making a decision.I'm not doing it. FERRIS (sings) MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER. CLASSROOM. 71 INT. He sighs and restarts the engine. FERRIS' ROOM He takes out the magazine. FERRIS Cameron's also the only guy I know who knows what strategic metals are. what'll happen is I'll get caught. (waves the magazine) Pardon moi. LATER 72 71 70 . 72 INT. Another beat. He sits for half a beat. Another beat. Ferris'll escape. The drawer is opened slowly. He's the only guy I know who's deeply concerned that when he grows up there'll be a critical shortage of strategic metals. DRESSER DRAWER Hands curl around the drawer pulls. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM DOWN. INT. ominously. 70 CU. he worries about everything.

HALLWAY The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand. He nods grimly to the Nurse. She looks at the kids. She's staring out the window as a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear. SLOANE A smile curls across her lips. SLOANE She. For a moment. TEACHER Roosevelt's health had seriously deteriorated by the time he met with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta. NURSE She's a picture of compassion and understanding. NURSE (nods solemnly) Dead grandmother. 74 73 . SLOANE (whispers) Dead grandmother. (sneezes) Pardon me. 73 INT. ROONEY He has a suspicious look on his face. TEACHER AND NURSE The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece of disturbing news. 74 CU. NURSE May I see you outside for a moment? There's been an emergency. dusty lecture. the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard him sneeze. CLASSROOM. SLOANE PETERSON. is sitting at her desk in a history class. The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in.A stunningly beautiful girl. NURSE Sloane Peterson? SLOANE Sits up in her seat. watches the nurse curiously. INT. like the others. As she gathers her books she looks to the GIRL next to her.

MAN'S VOICE Ed? This is George Peterson. I see her alot with Ferris Bueller. ROONEY Could you get me Mr. Peterson's daytime number? As the secretary starts out of the room. ROONEY Ed Rooney. She stops and answers the desk phone. He thinks for a beat then reaches for the phone. Rooney's phone rings. He punches the phone button. Peterson. sir? MAN'S VOICE We've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard. SECRETARY That's what Mr.ROONEY Dead grandmother? INT. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's at his desk. SECRETARY Do you still want his number? Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. She smiles and backs out. She puts the call on hold. . ROONEY How are you today. SECRETARY It's Mr. (pause) Yes. Can you hold? Thank you. Peterson said. His secretary is standing across from him. SECRETARY Edward Rooney's office. Rooney is startled. ROONEY Who's this girl's going with? SECRETARY It's so hard to tell. His suspicions are confirmed. I had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane. Rooney smiles.

It's so obvious it's not Mr. You hear me? The secretary comes in. I want to see this dead grandmother firsthand. I'm gonna set a trap and let his walk right into it! (to phone) That's right. SECRETARY Hold. He's angry. ROONEY I'll tell you want.Rooney rolls his eyes. The secretary stops cold in the doorway. sure. 76 INT. She hurried into Rooney's office. She stomps her foot. And. Huh? Oh. She's waving her arms furiously. ROONEY I heard. Peterson. you don't like my policies. She turns to Rooney in horror. please. Cart the stiff in and I'll turn over your daughter. Rooney covers the phone. I'd be happy to release Sloane. You produce a corpse and I'll release Sloane. ROONEY What!? SECRETARY Ferris Bueller's on line two. It's school policy. Her jaw drops. you can just come on down and smooch by big old ugly ass. I'm all broken up. gosh. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line. 75 INT. He covers the phone. Was this your mother? Rooney's other line rings. Rooney tries to wave her away. SECRETARY'S OFFICE She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other line. SECRETARY Ed Rooney's office. 76 75 . She puts the call on hold and hangs up. Nervy litttle punk. ROONEY (whispers) It's Ferris Bueller.

He glances at the phone. FERRIS Mr. 77 INT. sir. ROONEY He's staring blankly ahead. CU. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY'S FOOT It freezes in mid-tap. 79 INT. CU. fastening his belt. What's the matter with you. FERRIS' ROOM He's zipping his pants. He's doing a deep. He speaks in the same voice he used on his father. PHONE Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting call. twitches. ROONEY'S HAND The pencils falls from his fingers. CU. 78 INT. CU. PHONE The second line light is flashing. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb you at work but I was wondering if it would be possible for my sister to bring home any assignments from my classes that I may need. FERRIS' VOICE Thank you. ROONEY He winces as he returns to the first call. CAMERON You oughta be sorry for Christ's sake! A family member dies and you insult me. FERRIS' HOUSE. cocks his head. ROONEY He blinks. phoney "father" voice. He nods. CU. The phone's cradled against his shoulder.CU. anyway? 79 78 77 . ROONEY'S FACE A mask of horror. KITCHEN Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. CU.

Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the conversation. CAMERON (clears his throat) I don't have all day to bark at you so I'll make this short and sweet.80 INT. 80 81 INT. Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone. DEAN'S OFFICE. You have to know. 81 . CAMERON That's better. ROONEY I don't know. Do you read me? ROONEY'S VOICE Load and clear. I can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I am. Mr. buster. KITCHEN Cameron lays into Rooney. ROONEY He apologies profusely to Cameron. CAMERON (to Ferris) I'm scared shitless. that I would never deliberately insult you. Peterson. goddamn it! ROONEY'S VOICE Sir. Cameron covers the phone. You're doing great. ROONEY Absolutely! I most certainly am. Ferris! What is Rooney guesses my voice! FERRIS Impossible. CAMERON This isn't over yet. CAMERON'S VOICE Pardon my French but you're an asshole! Rooney nods enthusiastically. sir. CAMERON Call me sir. You just make sure my daughter's out in front of the school in ten minutes. I thought you were someone else. trembling. He's perspiring.

He covers the phone. He's said the wrong thing. 83 INT. CAMERON What'd I do? FERRIS Out in front my herself? It's too suspicious! He'll think something's up. FERRIS (mouths) Great! Cameron smiles proudly. The phone flies out of his hand. moron. 83 82 . CAMERON'S VOICE On second thought.Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up. You be out in front with her! I wanna have a few words with you! Ferris slaps Cameron. CAMERON You do it! Ferris waves his arms angrily. ROONEY He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK! We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE. 82 CU. CAMERON I want my daughter out in front of the school in ten minutes. THEN CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT. By herself. Cameron panics.. Ferris smacks Cameron. fella. FERRIS' KITCHEN Cameron's rubbing the side of his head. We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS. We'll get together soon and have lunch. CAMERON I changed my mind. He holds the phone out to Ferris. He clears his throat and puts on his father's voice. I don's want anyone around.. Cover it. FERRIS Talk! Cameron takes a deep breath. I don't have time to talk to you.

CAMERON You hit me. make me jeopardize my future. sick. you're so stupid! (aside) I didn't hit you. FERRIS I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings. really. don't ask me to participate in your crap if you don't like the way I do it! Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity.CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me? FERRIS Where's your brain? CAMERON I asked you first. . a man who could squeeze my nuts into oblivion and then you deliberately hurt my feelings. I lightly slapped you. being me over here. make me do a phoney phone call on a dean of students. really? FERRIS Yeah. God. CAMERON Oh. Cameron's anger is intensified by his embarrassment. CAMERON I was home. Look. You get me out of bed. FERRIS How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's going to be there with her?! CAMERON I said for her to be there alone and you freaked! FERRIS My.

84 INT. Right? CAMERON (suspiciously) Why? FERRIS To fix this situation. FERRIS You did screw up through. Cameron smiles. 84 . FERRIS Cameron. Ferris. Cameron's jaw drops. I didn't mean to jam you. dramatically as we hear a heraldic fanfare. CAMERON AND FERRIS Cameron's face is ashen. right? Not that is was necessarily all you fault. He turns and heads out of the room. CAMERON Thanks. I'm sorry. The end of the world is at hand. It was uncalled for.Cameron glares at Ferris. FERRIS Dead serious. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear. I'm going to have to ask you for a small favor. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris looking at the car. FERRIS Cameron? CAMERON Stick it up your ass. GARAGE The door opens slowly. He appreciates Ferris apology. CU. Ferris sighs. Cameron stops. CAMERON You're serious? He turns around. Ferris? Have a nice life. We move up from the stallion to the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. FERRARI STALLION The prancing black stallion. Ferris is smiling with excitement and awe. CAMERON Hey.

He has it tatooed on his wrist. Don't worry about it.000. it is his passion. CAMERON It's not a piece of shit. . Less than a hundred were made. I have to envy yours. We can't take is out. FERRIS He doesn't trust you? CAMERON No. FERRIS Whatever miles we put on it. it is his love. He puts his arm around Cameron. we'll take off. I'm sorry but there's nothing else we can do. my father loves this car more than life itself. I don't even have a piece of shit. Cameron. FERRIS We can't pick up Sloane in your car. Look. CAMERON (grim monotone) 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Ferris. FERRIS It's a piece of shit. FERRIS It is his fault he didn't lock the garage. Ferris.Ferris is in heaven. this is real simple. It has a market value of $265. Peterson drives that piece of shit. Rooney'd never believe Mr. CAMERON He never drives it. look. FERRIS A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile. My father spent three years restoring it. FERRIS Alright. He just rubs it with a diaper. It is joy. CAMERON He knows the mileage. CAMERON Ferris.

Cameron shakes his head. SCHOOL The Ferrari is parked out in front. I'm sorry but. no. CU.. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses. the more obvious we are. proud smile) We'll drive home backwards.. the less likely we are to get caught. CAMERON'S VOICE . FERRARI GRILLE Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar of the twelve cylinders. The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a crowded school hallway. FERRARI Ferris is driving. 86 EXT. SCHOOL.. Ferris.. CAMERON Are you crazy?! Put the top back up! FERRIS This is perfect top-down weather.CAMERON (suspicious) How? FERRIS (big. FERRIS 87 86 85 . CAMERON What about Rooney? FERRIS Cameron. 85 INT. CAMERON Forget it. I have to live with the man. You'll have to think of something else. I'm putting my foot down. The top is down. Jeanie watches her suspiciously. She stops as Sloane and Rooney walk past. 87 INT. JEANIE She comes out of a classroom.You're not talking me into this one.. Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her books.. CAMERON That makes no sense whatsoever. Cameron's in the back.

SLOANE Huh? ROONEY Were you close to your grandmother? SLOANE Oh. ROONEY Once again let me say how deeply saddened I am by your loss. SCHOOL. THEIR POV Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. Sloane smiles and bids Rooney a hasty farewell. SCHOOL Rooney and Sloane come out the door. Rooney watches her. Yeah. 88 EXT. He's careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline.The adult mind is a suspicious machine. She hurries to the car. FERRIS Hurry along now! EXT. 89 88 . Very hip. DEEP VOICE Oh. SLOANE I guess that's my Dad. Thanks. JEANIE She's watching out the door. Very old. SCHOOL Rooney's suspicious. Um. man. Sloane! Dear! Sloane looks across at the Ferrari. CAMERON Howcome it's my Dad's car and I'm taking all the risk and I have to ride back here? FERRIS I don't have an explanation. Rooney looks. (look around at Cameron) Stay down. Cameron squeezes himself lower. 89 INT. She was a terrific lady. Yeah. Something does compute for him. She sees the Ferrari pull away. See ya. Very.

SLOANE This is so great! I can't believe it! Right in front of Rooney! She laughs and turns to Cameron. FERRARI Sloane shrieks with delight. It' s going home. FERRIS It was risky. SLOANE What're we gonna do? FERRIS The question isn't "what are we gonna do". STREET. Cameron.90 EXT. 90 91 INT. 91 92 EXT. SLOANE Hi. it was bold but it was totally necessary. SCHOOL. the question is "what aren't we going to do. You comfortable? CAMERON Hi. Please. She leans across the console and gives Ferris a kiss. ROONEY He can't quite put his finger on what's bothering him. FERRIS (to CAMERA) If you had access to a car like this would you take it back right away? Would you give up feeling like a ton just to ease your best friend's tension? He smiles. 92 . SLOANE What a fabulous car! CAMERON Enjoy it quick. FERRIS Either would I. No. FERRARI It accelerates away like a shot." CAMERON Don't tell me we're not going to take the car home.

DOORS Ferris. this is Mrs. Ferris is cocky and confident. FERRIS (to Cameron) And this is my brother-in-law. 94 . should you be in school? FERRIS He lays his savings bonds on the counter. In fact.. Cameron blanches. Cameron's having stomach trouble. so I'm a little pooped but other than that. In doing so she locates a missing ball point pen. Mrs. TELLER I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. FERRIS Me? (polite laugh) I'm out of school. Cameron and Sloane walk in. The Ferrari pulls into the parking lot. Froeling. ZZ Top. She withdraws it from the hair and smiles at it's reappearance. The clock outside read 9:53. ZZ. Froeling. SUBURBAN BANK A fresh.Madonna. I'm as chipper as can be. Sloane's still intoxicated with her freedom.. BANK. Froeling. As she moves the beehive hits a small sign over her head. Mrs. How are you? TELLER She pats the rock-solid mass of blue hair. (something occurs to her) Say. modern bank building. It's about four inches higher the highest beehive you're ever seen. Sloane suppresses a laugh. Ferris leads the way to an open teller window. Ferris smiles. TELLER Ferris Bueller? FERRIS He's at the window. FERRIS Hello. BANK. On either shoulder are Cameron and Sloane. She smiles when she sees Ferris. This is my wife. 93 94 INT. I'm married. TELLER A WOMAN about seventy with a silver blue beehive. INT. She's been at the bank since they opened.93 EXT.

Cameron isn't amused. TELLER (to Cameron) Is Top a Slavic name? CAMERON Yeah. FERRIS I'd like to cash these in, please. We're having a baby and we need the cash for a crib, clothes, diapers, food pellets, leash, water dish... INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling takes the bonds with a hearty smile. The latter part of the conversation sails over her like a line drive. TELLER A baby! (to Sloane) You must be so excited. Cameron groans and turns away from the sham. SLOANE I'm thrilled, ma'am. I'm especially looking forward to wearing those jeans with the stretch panel in front. Mrs. Froeling thumbs through the bonds. TELLER Are you hoping for a boy or a girl? SLOANE Actually, we're hoping for a car. CU. CAMERON He's spooked by the games playing. He scans the bank nervously. He blinks, focuses, blinks again. HIS POV Joyce is with a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE and their bored, sour-puss teenage son, BOYD. He's sitting in a chair with his legs slung over the sides waving a Bic lighter back and forth across his rump. The parents are Joyce's clients from Vermont. A LOAN OFFICER is discussing the local financing situation with them. His is an open office adjacent to the teller windows. Joyce's back is to the tellers. CU. CAMERON

It's like he's just witnesses an ax murder. CAMERON Shit... INT. BANK. JOYCE Her back is to the teller windows. She's conducting her meeting. Behind her we see Cameron grab Ferris and point her out to him. He waves. Cameron slaps his arm. INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds. TELLER These bonds aren't mature. If you hold onto them another two years you'll get an additional four dollars... FERRIS I'm aware of that. TELLER You're throwing away four dollars. FERRIS No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the government. They need it. Do you know what an aircraft carrier's going for these days? INT. BANK. JOYCE She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out. INT. BANK. DOOR Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce. JOYCE Mrs. Froeling, how are you? MRS. FROELING I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. (shifts gears, to Joyce) Say, you must be very proud. Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about. MRS. FROELING (whispers) I met Madonna. She pats Joyce on the arm.

MRS. FROELING She told me everything. Keep me posted, I'll want to send a gift. She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are completely baffled. 95 EXT. BANK Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking lot. JOYCE My son's home sick today. If you wouldn't mind, on our way back to the office, I'd like to just run in and check up on him. We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car. MOTHER Of course. They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look on proudly. 96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE His secretary is dialing a number for him. SECRETARY This is the Peterson's home. She hands the phone to Rooney. SECRETARY Watch your mouth this time. Rooney glares at her. ROONEY Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's no doubt in my mind. That's what I was saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped. He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this thing now. See? The secretary nods. SECRETARY And her grandmother, too. 97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an 97 96 95

99 EXT. puzzled. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney hangs up the phone. We hear Cameron's voice. 98 INT.awful lot like Sloane... In the distance we see the Sears Tower.. ROONEY And I'm going to stop it! SECRETARY My brother-in-law'll appreciate it. 101 100 99 98 . She's not listening to him. ROONEY What? SECRETARY My brother-in-law rides the train to work. Rooney looks at her. The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk. CAMERON'S HOUSE His answering machine clicks on.. ROONEY Something's going on. EDENS EXPRESSWAY The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the suburbs. SLOANE We can't come to the phone right now. Mortuary. The Ferrari streaks past. Rooney stares at her like she's crazy. goddamn it. We are unable to come to the phone right now but if you'll leave your name and number. If you need to reach us we'll be at the following number. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney quickly takes down a number. the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil Building. 100 INT. We've had a death in the family. CAMERON'S VOICE You have reached the Coughlin Bros. SECRETARY There's a railroad strike. ROONEY Who gives a good goddamn? 101 EXT.

. PARKING GARAGE The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage. CHICAGO LOOP. FERRIS 103 . The kid yells after her. wrecked.. SCHOOL. you name it. HALLWAY Jeanie's walking down the hall. babe! Some day you might need a favor from Ferris Bueller! Then where'll you be?! He reaches for the can. JEANIE Go piss up a flagpole! KID Huh? 102 She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall.. 103 EXT. KID Yo. We're collecting money to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. EXT.102 INT. CAMERON We can't leave the car here! FERRIS Why not? CAMERON Because we can't! I want it back home where it belongs! SLOANE What could happen to it? CAMERON It could get stolen. Jeanie stares at him. KID They run about fifty g's so it you could help out. KID Heartless wench. KID Hey.. Sloane and Cameron get out. Cameron's having fits. scratched. GARAGE Ferris. She's flabbergasted at the proportions her brother's scan has reached. She's stopped by a KID with a Coke can.

Goatee. Another attendant jumps in the passenger side. 240. FERRIS Great. The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. ATTENDANT Like it's a beautiful woman. It's gone in the entrance and out the exit. Earring. Cameron. I want to you take extra special care of this vehicle. Do you have to be so graphic? She heads down the street. SLOANE Oh. They exit the garage and head after Sloane. FERRIS You speak English? ATTENDANT Since I was three. CAMERON What guy? CU. SLOANE This is so right! Ferris nudges Cameron on. An IQ that equals his hourly wage. He smiles. very carefully. please. okay? He pats the Attendant on the arm. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the exit ramp of the garage. . No squealing tires. Ferris slips him a give. FERRIS I appreciate it. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a hairnet Gold teeth. EXT. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly. CAMERON Yeah. Whip it with a stick and piss on the hood.I'll give the guy a five to watch it. no revving engine. PARKING LOT The Attendant swaggers over to the car. sure. FERRIS See what a finski can do to a person's attitude? He's going to treat it like a beautiful woman. Ferris turns to Cameron. PARKING ATTENDANT He smiles with relish at the car. 6'6".

It heads down the street away from Sloane. WE HEAR THE SNORING. CU. FERRIS' HOUSE 104 Joyce's care pulls in the driveway. ROOM. HOUSE. There's a figure in the bed. the trophy lifts up off the yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's original position. As the bedroom door closes.He's skinny. ROOM. He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of the lot. FERRIS' ROOM It's dark. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet door to the door to the room itself. She's smiles with relief and affection. HALLWAY Joyce listens at the door another beat. 104 EXT. HOUSE. CU. 106 INT. INT. It's taut. DOORKNOB Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a crack. We hear soft snoring. She gets out and heads up the house. 109 INT. Downstairs. The wire from the bedroom door is strung over the top of the closet door. 107 INT. CLOSET The closet door is open. The snoring it simulated. CU. with a huge knit hat willed with dreads. 109 108 107 106 105 . HER POV The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves. HALLWAY Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room. 105 INT. 108 INT. tall. DOOR KNOB The wire is tied to the doorknob. FERRIS' SYNTHESIZER Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring. A trophy is attached to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick. STAIRWAY Joyce quietly walks up the stairs. Ferris and Cameron. JOYCE She smiles and closes the door. She listens at the door. we hear a door open and close.

111 INT. far below. LATER 110 HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the world's tallest building. Cameron follows.. As it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows. SEARS TOWER. FERRIS Now. FERRIS (VO) This is the world's tallest building.. Wisconsin and my personal favorite. we are provided with a view of four states.. OBSERVATION DECK The three are leaning against the glass. SLOANE What if the glass gives? FERRIS Death. putting all his weight on his forehead. Are we gonna stay long? FERRIS Take a step back. Sloane and Cameron follow suit. A dizzying view. Michigan. CAMERON I don't feel good. lean against the glass. reluctantly. SLOANE 111 . Cameron and Sloane are standing against the window. shit! HER POV The street far. Ferris steps back. INT. From our vantage point here on the 103 floor. Sloane leans forward. CAMERON (VO) Do you think the car's alright? FERRIS (VO) Illinois. SLOANE Oh. Like this. He leans forward.. FERRIS And look down.110 EXT. Ferris. Indiana. SEARS TOWER OBSERVATION DECK Ferris.

Ferris and Sloane head down the street. HORACE FRYE. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE Giant old monolith. STREET Ferris and Sloane burst out the doors garnering the annoyed stares of the business people busily going in and out of the building. Cameron follows glumly. 117 INT. HIS POV The Ferrari screams down the avenue and disappears down the underground ramp. 113 INT. CAMERON I think I see my Dad. CU. FERRIS AND SLOANE I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS! 115 EXT. BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET BACK IN THE STATES BACK TO THE CUTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA 114 EXT. Cameron follows. 112 EXT. He's lean. Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the gallery watching the proceedings. 117 116 115 114 113 112 . They dance past the giant Calder mobile. He's wearing a puzzled look on his face. Cameron's father. CAMERON'S FATHER I think I see my car. GALLERY Ferris.Cool. SEARS TOWER LOBBY Ferris and Sloane bound down the escalator. STREET LEVEL A middle-aged man. FERRIS AND SLOANE I BEEN ALL 'ROUND THIS GREAT BIG WORLD AND I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF GIRLS YEAH. CAMERON He's looking down. tough and humorless. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. clean. Cameron politely waits his turn to exit. 116 INT. They're singing. TRADING ROOM Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities. is standing on the street corner.

You? SLOANE Yes. SLOANE No way! . Ferris puts his arm around Sloane. Is he serious.SLOANE Do you love me? FERRIS Do you love me? SLOANE I asked you first. That was a lie. FERRIS Would I trash a day of education to be with you if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. FERRIS (serious) Today? Sloane stares at him. FERRIS Would I have introduced you as my wife if I didn't love you? SLOANE Wait a minute. FERRIS True. FERRIS Yes. FERRIS I'm game. FERRIS Would you want to get married? I mean if I wasn't an asshole. FERRIS Would I risk damaging a deep and wonderfully enriching relationship with my parents if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. SLOANE Sure.

FERRIS Huh? CAMERON If your blood's not compatible. (to Ferris) You've seen them. CAMERON I'm with you. Cameron suddenly adds his two cents. FERRIS So? CAMERON So. babe. My mother and father. FERRIS Tomorrow? CAMERON If you get a blood test today. if you will. FERRIS Why not? SLOANE What do you mean. CAMERON I'll give you two. Ferris and Sloane look at him curiously. SLOANE I'm not getting married. why not? Think about it. you can't get married today.FERRIS I'll do it. CAMERON You need a blood test. Am I right? . The state requires a blood test. Ferris looks around at him. CAMERON They're married and they hate each other. FERRIS Besides being too young and your father hating my guts and not having any place to live and feeling awkward about being the only cheerleader with a husband. give me a good reason why not. you could produce a pinhead.

He shrugs. So what? It's not like it doesn't happen ten thousand times a day. but so what? They're old. It's not something I can get comfortable with. When I have a kid.. SLOANE My parents are divorced. Then BLAM! It's over. We all thought so. Are you comfortable with it? SLOANE No.my father canned me and my brother and my Mom for a twenty five year old dipso with fake tits. SLOANE Consider this. Sure. Seeing people treat each other like that. He dropped us like a rock. I've tried. SLOANE Do you think they're staying together because of you? Cameron hasn't seen it that way. SLOANE (to Cameron) It was pure selfishness. CAMERON It makes me puke.FERRIS You're father's a toad and your Mom's always wired out. I thought so. CAMERON Just because it happens doesn't make it right. He hates his wife. It's like the car. He loves the car. Everything was cool at our house.. FERRIS (to CAMERA) This is all news to me. Are yours divorced? CAMERON They may as well be. That's natural. I don't care how much I want . That parental love might not be a given. CAMERON Yeah. SLOANE Do they like you? It hasn't occured to Cameron that his parents might not like him. She keeps a pretty good secret.

deep down. SLOANE Yeah. forget it. I'm gonna think about it. CAMERON So. CAMERON I'd rather not have my family break apart. CAMERON You could change. SLOANE Well.something. thank you. you call the shots. But I'm gonna try not to. She's saying it's time for lunch. it's like a charming quick that infests youth. It's a common trait with my age group. FERRIS Frightening choice of words. Adults think it's cute. It's out of your hands. too. if it's gonna screw-up the kid. They wish they had her. you know what? It ain't up to you. When you split from them. FERRIS This is optomism. you're saying I should run away? FERRIS No. I in other words. I should just sit back and watch it crumble? SLOANE You're merely an inhabitant in their universe. . CAMERON So. FERRIS (to CAMERA) She's not lying. SLOANE What? FERRIS Let's go feed Cameron. (points to Sloane) Sorry. She's taken. SLOANE They call the shots. But it's a cool thing and I think. I'm gonna try to prevent it. crusty old shits wish they had some.

RESTAURANT The maitre'd returns. Sloane tugs Ferris' sleeve. We HEAR A RADIO ANNOUNCER. Cool and casual. RESTAURANT A French restaurant on the Gold Coast.. 118 INT. 119 EXT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. 120 INT. MAITRE'D (chuckles) I'm sorry. 120 119 . If you have trouble finding the door. RESTAURANT Ferris. He ignores her. FERRIS Is there a problem? MAITRE'D You're Abe Frohman? FERRIS I'm Abe Frohman... I'm very busy right now. I'm Abe Frohman. son. TRADING FLOOR 118 It explodes with activity in response to Ferris' shout. HIS POV His fingers runs down to a party of three for 12:00. MAITRE'D (to Ferris) May I help you? FERRIS Yes. He cups his hands to his mouth. Ferris is looking at the maitre 'd's reservations book. It's noon. He yells at the top of his voice. Sloane and Cameron are standing in the restaurant.. Party of three for 12:00. ANNOUNCER Commodity prices rose sharply today in unusually heavy trading. FERRIS BUY! And he exits.They stand up and head out. The maitre'd looks at Ferris curiously. INT. Ferris hangs back a moment.

INT. let's split. MAITRE'D I appreciate your understanding. The maitre'd is hovering over Ferris. Find it.. Ferris waves him off angrily.. (grabs the phone) . RESTAURANT. He hands the phone to Sloane. The maitre'd smiles smuggly.I'll call myself. We're gonna get busted. Go ahead. FERRIS I'm not going anywhere.. Sloane grits her teeth. Sloane and Cameron are seated in the restaurant. FERRIS You touch me and I yell "rat!" There's another phone around here. LATER Ferris. Better yet. A beat and the restaurant's second line lights up and the phone rings. Cameron chokes. CU. please? SLOANE Cameron's right.Abe. (to the Maitre'd) Call the police.. RESTAURANT The maitre'd motions for the phone so that he can answer the call. CAMERON Ferris... FERRIS Not a chance in the world. PHONE Ferris punches out a number. The maitre'd backs off. .FERRIS Are you suggesting that I'm not who I say I am? MAITRE'D Shall I call the police? CAMERON Let's go. FERRIS Ask for Abe Frohman. INT.

FERRIS And you thought we wouldn't have any fun.FERRIS Don't grovel. babe. you were wonderful. JEANIE (mean. 121 EXT. Shame on you. MAITRE'D Enjoy your luncheon. whenever he wants and he never gets nailed. JEANIE (VO) Ferris Bueller's days are numbered. The straps rip off in her hand. FERRIS Cameron. SLOANE Oh. Just leave us to our repast and all will be forgotten. Cameron is flushed with nerves. He manipulates my parents. She yanks angrily on the velcro strap on her sneakers. 122 121 . Ferris smiles. Charles. SCHOOL We HEAR HALLWAY SOUNDS AND JEANIE. She's talking to a FRIEND. dear friend? Cameron looks to Ferris. (wicked pause) Well. The maitre'd backs away. GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM Jeanie's sitting on a bench in a field hockey uniform. FERRIS Darling. 122 INT. but I had a wonderful teacher. Sloane is impressed. FERRIS Thank you. FRIEND Why? What's the point? JEANIE Why? Because I'm sick of the little dope. today I'm the hammer. Ferris disappears behind his menu. vicious) I'm gonna bust his buns. he does whatever he wants.

JEANIE Sweetie. JEANIE Rachel? Jeanie's friend shrugs. I try to be everything a good. I study hard. JEANIE Excuse me? FRIEND I don't think you're an asshole.FRIEND I think he's cute. He's not a wonderful person. Just forget it. He's not charming. I work hard. decent person should be and you know what? FRIEND Everybody thinks you're an asshole. Ferris is not cute. Except morons. I get pissed off and this is what happens! Jeanie tosses the straps on the floor. JEANIE Rachel's a dirt bag. it's an established fact that you have no taste. JEANIE Who does? Her friend smiles sheepishly. He's an ignorant mule and the sooner everybody in this school comes to that realization the better off we'll all be. JEANIE Let me tell you something. I'm friendly and fair to all kinds of people. She displays the velcro straps to her friend. does everything but verbally confirm. I'm polite. Jeanie freezes with her next sentence pinned to her tongue. JEANIE Forget that everybody thinks I'm an . wags her head. I'm considerate. you sympathize with him. Who else? FRIEND I don't know. He's not nice. JEANIE See? My brother strokes you.

. A fat fifty year old clod with B.asshole? Would you like everybody to think you're an asshole? FRIEND Not everybody thinks you're an asshole. JEANIE I this a conspiracy to shit all over me or something? Is my brother behind this? Tell me if he is or I'll sock your tits. Rooney likes you. JEANIE (yells after her) If it means anything to you. Mr. Jeanie. Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief. JEANIE Alright. JEANIE Me? I have a problem? FRIEND Somebody who threatens to sock people's tits has a problem. I have my period! MY BODY'S RIDDING ITSELF OF OLD EGGS. GODDAMN IT! . JEANIE Am I acting like an asshole? FRIEND I didn't mean it that way. hey. How about if I sock your face? Jeanie's friend gets up. Her friend exits. FRIEND You really do have a problem.. FRIEND Take a walk. That's exciting. JEANIE Oh. JEANIE Would everybody be happier if maybe I were to die in a flaming car accident or something? FRIEND Maybe if you didn't cat like and asshole. Jeanie.O. likes me.

FERRIS She's a person who views life as an ordeal that must be endured. Then I met Cameron and I saw how his family functioned. I love driving it. I highly recommend picking one up.She snarls and slumps against the lockers. What he said about his parents hating each other? I refuse to sleep over at his house. He exists the men's room. the family's pretty cool. Her body is a transport vehicle for her anger. Basically. FERRIS Cameron's home life is really shit. 123 INT. It teaches him to deal with his fear. Plus. Cameron tightens up. MEN'S ROOM. We hold a beat. He checks his hair in the mirror. He's monkey meat. He's over. He wasn't lying. The thing with taking his old man's car? It's good for him. Even when I'm there. Another beat and Tom walks out of the stall. A toilet flushes. and I must be honest here. It's scary. That's why he's sick all the time. It used to worry me. It really upsets him. He zips this trousers and steps away from the urinal. CHEZ PAUL Ferris is standing at the urinal. JEANIE He's gone. I don't know where she gets this shit. FERRIS I wonder if everybody shoots at cigarette butts in urinals? Probably not many women. He gets so wadded-up. His parents fight all the time. you couldn't pry his buns apart with a crowbar. (continues) I used to think that my family was the only one that had weirdness in it. He looks down at the urinal. Is there anything worse than being at somebody's house when their parents are fighting? It's the absolute height of social discomfort. FERRIS When they go after each other. He crosses to 123 .

They chew tentatively. CAMERON What is this shit? FERRIS You got me. FERRIS Yo. They're staring at the plates. FERRIS What are you doing? Cameron looks at Ferris. Ferris stops him. Clouseau! The waiter stops and looks at Ferris indignantly. 124 INT. FERRIS I think it's a land-based beefoid creature. RESTAURANT Cameron and Sloane have been served their lunches. I don't speak French. He puts his napkin in his lap and smells his plate. It's not bad. FERRIS Good? Sloane and Cameron shrug. Cameron and Sloane try theirs. CAMERON Really? FERRIS Superb.the sink. FERRIS Splendid. But it looks like it's already been eaten and digested. Ferris slides over to the table and drops into his seat. CAMERON What is it? SLOANE I don't know. A WAITER passes. He savors the taste. 124 . He takes a bite. CAMERON I knew it was a mistake letting Ferris order for us.

He looks to Cameron and Sloane. talking. FERRIS . CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON They look at each other. WAITER Sweetbreads. He raises a finger. WAITER He nods broadly. FERRIS As in the gland that has important functions in digestion and metabolism? CU. knowing that he's spoiling the kids' meal. please! 125 EXT. FERRIS He pats his mouth with his napkin. CU. They're holding their sweetbreads in their mouths. FERRIS Check. WAITER He turns away as Sloane and Cameron spit out their food. Could you tell me what we ordered here? The waiter glances at the plates. colorless fluid containing digestive enzymes? The home of the world famous isles of Langerhans? CU. A 125 .FERRIS I have a growth on my brain that causes memory lapses. SLOANE AND CAMERON They stop chewing. FERRIS He watches Sloane and Cameron then glances at the waiter. CU. huh. RESTAURANT Tom and his two GUESTS are standing at the curb. CU. FERRIS Uh. holds it a beat and gives a cue.That secretes a thick. And what might that be? WAITER Pancreas... FERRIS He continues his questioning. CU.

FERRIS 40. Cameron. 127 126 . RESTAURANT Tom and his guests watch in bewilderment at their cab takes off. MUSEUM. round incubator. Cameron dashes in. MUSEUM OR SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY The grand old Chicago museum. Sloane and Cameron turn slowly. now in the B.G. EXT. Sloane and Cameron. CAB Ferris slams the door. Ferris scoots Sloane into the cab. INT. Ferris stops cold. MUSIC COMES UP. They approach the cab. Ferris. He turns to the cab. for sure. turns toward the restaurant. CAMERON They turns on cue at Tom. Ferris. Tom's back it to Ferris. Among the second graders are Ferris. CAB DOOR HANDLE A man's hand reaches for the handle as the cab pulls away.. CAB Tom and his party are still jawing at curbside. OVERHEAD SHOT The main gallery is crowded with school kids. The door's open. Only the meek get nabbed. The bold survive. INT. Let's go. Sloane. FERRIS No way.G. Sloane and Cameron slowly approach the cab. MUSEUM. FLOOR A class of kids walking along holding hands. DISPLAY CASE Baby chicks are hatching in a huge. CU. MUSEUM. 127 INT. FERRIS. In the B. INT. Sloane and Cameron come out of the restaurant. CAMERON We're gonna get nabbed. The Ferris hops the cab. Behind the backs of the men. SLOANE.000 restaurants in the downtown area and I pick the one my father goes to. holding hands looking like giant grade schoolers. 126 EXT. STREET. EXT.cab is waiting.

COAL MINE Sloane. looking down the fetid. Ferris and Sloane are making out. HEART REPLICA A giant. INT. Ferris staggers out of it. walk-thru replica of a human heart. SLOANE (remorsefully) I wonder if he has a name? FERRIS (blank) Ninth Month. MUSEUM.Ferris and Cameron are intently watching the process. INT. we're traveling down one of American's most scenic polluted waterways and you have to bring up nuclear war? SLOANE (VO) 128 . INT. A boat is rolling up the man-made canyon. CU. the screw turns. Ferris and Cameron ride in the coal train in the coal mine replica. LONG. CHICAGO RIVER. SLOANE. HUMAN FETUS IN A BOTTLE The famous stages of life display which features bottled fetuses. 128 EXT. GERMAN U-BOAT Ferris is examining the controls of the captured U-Boat. CAMERON Sloane wants to cry. green swath of water. Cameron's stomach is in his throat. CU. The MUSIC ENDS. MUSEUM. CU. He checks to see if he's being watched then he presses a button and pulls a lever. Ferris is lost in thought. HIGH SHOT From the Merchandise Mart. clutching his heart. we've won our freedom. The ninth month. MUSEUM. feigning a massive heart attack. CAMERON (VO) Are you guys worried about nuclear war? FERRIS (VO) Cameron. PROPELLER For the first time in forty years. FERRIS. INT. INDUSTRIAL DISPLAY Sloane operates a metal press to produce a tin ashtray. it's a beautiful day. A tiny human being in a jar.

SLOANE (VO) Yeah. FERRIS He's full of shit. Cam. BOAT DOCK The three are sitting on the aft deck of the tour boat. I'm not worried about it at all. SLOANE My step-father's always going off about how when he was young he was committed to all these causes. It's with us every day. SLOANE (VO) Don't you think it's an issue because people need something to worry about? They have to like. It's not like somebody came up with the nuclear holocaust yesterday at noon. you know. FERRIS They used to have Viet Nam. however. EXT. deadly serious) Do you know what a nuclear winter is? Long beat. The boat makes the turn in the river and CLEARS FRAME.It is kind of raggy subject. The possiblity of global destruction. Discussing the end of the world. that college starts in the fall. CAMERON (VO) Regardless.No. Their feet are up on the railing. very relaxed. That's over and people have to have their big issue.. They used to have the oil crisis stuff and Iran. Very casual. FERRIS (VO) We don't know when the bombs going off. . CAMERON (VO) (dramatic. We do know. Everybody's dead. have some major problem that puts all their little bullshit into some kind of persepective? CAMERON (VO) Maybe. it's real cold and the skiing's for shit. SLOANE (VO) To answer your question. All the old hippies are full of shit..

SLOANE He says I don't care about things like he did. SLOANE Agreed. CAMERON What's spooky is they still control everything. LOUDSPEAKER. . SLOANE.. FERRIS I rest my case. LOUDSPEAKER TO YOUR LEFT IT THE WORLD'S TALLEST BUILDING. CAMERON You know. It's chilling to see people crazed with the minutia of their past. FERRIS.. FERRIS An hour ago you wanted to yack. CAMERON It's human nature to like what you had better than what you have. fatty meats and money. Cameron looks over the side of the boat. The three look to the left. CAMERON I feel better now. FERRIS Lean over and grab a fish. this is all very interesting but I'm starving. FERRIS What's he care about now? SLOANE Baldness. They took over when they were young and they never gave it up. FERRIS One of the most frightening experiences of my young life has been observing my parents and our neighbors playing the Baby Boom Edition of Trivial Pursuits. An obtuse thought flashes through Sloane's brain. A loud speaker on the boat identifies a point of interest. CAMERON The Sears Tower.

Jeanie walks in.. CU.. 130 INT. Rooney peels off his shades and looks around like he's Dirty Harry. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE Rooney's secretary is behind her desk.. Screw him. SCHOOL Meanwhile. FIRE HYDRANT . The secretary looks up and greets her with a weary smile. 129 EXT. She slips into the Dean's outer office. Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his bile-green LeBaron.SLOANE What comes after a nuclear winter? FERRIS Nuclear spring. 131 INT. Can I help you? JEANIE (condescending) I seriously doubt it. In his mind he is Dirty Harry. Jeanie.. Who's bothering you now? Jeanie scowls at her. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement. he's out. JEANIE It's reprehensible to squeal on your own flesh and blood. Slide across to the sidewalk. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE Jeanie is having a small moral debate with herself.but it's for his own good. His cavalier attitude will get him into trouble later in life. When's he back? SECRETARY I don't know.. CU.and it'll continue to piss me off and I'll get so wadded-up that it'll cause cervex cancer and he'll ruin my life. 132 EXT. SECRETARY Hello. JEANIE Is Dean Rooney in? SECRETARY I'm sorry.. He left the grounds on personal business. STREET. CURB 132 131 130 129 A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops.

she draws it out of the cup. GIRL 133 . GIRL She stares at him. She picks up her Coke. CU. GIRL Holding the straw in the mouth. She raises it. ROONEY (OC) I've been waiting a long time for this. The player turns around. ROONEY (OC) Your ass is mine. He ties his lace and pulls up his sock. STREET Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy hot dog joint. HIS POV A young person is playing a video game in a far corner. secretaries. CU. The player looks up. He smiles and cuts into the crowd. Rooney pushes his way in and scopes the crowd. ROONEY The blood evacuates his face. 133 INT. He can't think of anything to say. pointing it directly in Rooney's face. CU. CU. He stares at the girl. ROONEY He suspects it's Ferris. HOT DOG STAND It's jammed with construction workers. CU. It's a GIRL. ROONEY He's still staring. EXT. She puts the straw to her lips and sucks. CU. It look sort of like Ferris. suburban businessmen. ROONEY He squints CU.Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. It's loud and confusing. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD MOVE IN on the player. CU.

CU. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. There's a long foul ball. The TV camera zooms in on the boy triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. It's Ferris. NAPKIN HOLDER A hand yanks a napkin hold. The TV camera returns to the game. A kid makes a stab at the ball. She looks at them with disgust. Rooney glances at the screen. SLOANE Can we leave now? FERRIS You want to leave? We just got here. He shakes his stinging paw. HOT DOG STAND. you broke your thumb. SERVICE COUNTER Rooney wipes his face. Behind him is the kitchen and a grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game. Ferris leans back. The TV camera follows the ball into the stands. SLOANE You got a call. ROONEY What's the score? HOT DOG MAN Zero to zero. puts his hands behind his head and turns his face to the bright sun. ROONEY Who's winning? HOT DOG MAN Cubs. 134 . SLOANE No wonder you're always sick. what's left to do? Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. Rooney wads up the napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. WRIGLEY FIELD. He does a little celebration dance. STANDS Ferris sits down with the baseball. Rooney nods and exits. Rooney wipes his suit off.She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face. 134 EXT. FERRIS I think I broke my thumb. Cameron's scarfing nachos. INT.

SLOANE AND CAMERON They're watching Ferris go by.. They wave to him. JEANIE I can't believe my brother's making me put myself in a position where I could get expelled.FERRIS Do you realize that if I played by the rules. school kids. As worried as he is about the day and getting caught. FIAT Jeanie's at the wheel. FLOAT Riding atop on a float is Ferris. CAMERON Stop. STATE STREET. "DANKE SHOEN". right now I'd be in gym? 135 EXT. he has to admire Ferris for his lack of inhabitions. Cameron mumbles a few words. 137 EXT. SLOANE Do you believe in reincarnation? CAMERON Huh? . Cameron breaks a smile. EXT. He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens. He's leading the girls in singing. 136 INT. PLAYING FIELD A boy's gym class is doing laps. STATE STREET. buddy. SLOANE I love him. It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY.. She sneaks a glance at the school..want. (pause) Ferris? You're overshadowed me long enough. I'm gonna get you.. Selfish little moron. A blue Fiat pulls into the shot. CAMERON It's hard not to. She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot.. STATE STREET 137 136 135 A parade is underway. Figure skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines on pavement.. He's waving to the crowd. HIGH SCHOOL. drum and bugle corps. EXT. Marching bands.water. soldiers. Floats and politicians.

SLOANE DO you ever wonder what you were? CAMERON I don't have to wonder. The guy who rode the elephants into Switzerland. he was Magellan. Sort of. dude! EXT. You know. I know. CAMERON Hannibal. reaching down from the float. CAMERON I was a tractor tire. . STATE STREET. SLOANE From the A-Team? CAMERON No. EXT. FERRIS Guten tag. Cameron nods. STATE STREET Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation. the guy who went around the world. CAMERON What were you in a previous life? SLOANE I'm not sure but I think I know who Ferris was. Sloane looks at him with amazement. shaking hands with people in the crowd. Sloane laughs at herself. SLOANE I think if he was anybody.SLOANE Do you believe that you lived before? CAMERON Yeah. They step out of the crowd and head down the street in the direction the parade's heading. SLOANE I could see him ignoring popular belief and taking off on some impossible mission. FLOAT Ferris is on his knees.

STATE STREET. There's nothing he can't handle. COME ON. CAMERON I don't know what I'm gonna do. SLOANE College. FLOAT Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian. SLOANE True. the future. SLOANE AND CAMERON They continue their conversation. SLOANE The future's worse for a boy. BABY FERRIS TWIST AND SHOUT! GIRLS TWIST AND SHOUT! FERRIS COME ON. COME ON. everything works for him. BABY ON! COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT! GIRLS WORK IT ON OUT! EXT. I can't handle anything. isn't it? Cameron doesn't understand what she means. EXT. CAMERON Yeah. SLOANE A girl can always bail out and have a baby and get some guy to support her. As long as I've known him. but to do what? . School. BABY. The girls on the float are singing. No options is worse. parents.CAMERON Yeah. Ferris can do anything. but it's an option. CAMERON That's a pretty grim thought. FERRIS WELL. NOW! GIRLS SHAKE IT UP. SHAKE IT UP. STREET.

STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along. STREET. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER He's singing. PUNKS LOOK SO GOOD! EXT. POLICE OFFICER YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD! EXT.SLOANE What are you interested in? CAMERON Nothing. CHOIR GROUP . SLOANE Me either. MARCHING BAND They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT. STREET. PUNKS A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk. WOMAN YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE! TODDLERS LOOK SO FINE! EXT. STREET. CAMERON What do you think Ferris is gonna do? EXT. EXT. STREET. BLACK TEENAGER He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat. STATE STREET. NEWSPAPER SELLER TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT. The sons is taking over all the other tunes in the band. TEENAGER COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT. STREET. We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT" GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER He singing along. They walk on for a few beats. It's infecting the entire parade.

. DECK The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT". FERRIS AH! EXT. STREET. FLOAT Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale. Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. STREET. VETERANS Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms. gritty waterfront.They're marching down the parade. Grim. STREET CLEANERS KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! EXT. STREET CLEANERS With their brooms ready. VETERANS AH! EXT. WIDE AND HIGH The entire parade is at frenzy pitch. STREET. STREET. SLO-MO. They're singing in their angleic voices. STREET. 138 EXT. STREET. STREET. PARADE AHHHHH! The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE. CHOIR AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! EXT. The Starship Ferrari. Suddenly. VIEWING STAND The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up. VIEWING STAND The CLERGYMEN stand. CALUMET CITY The Port of Chicago. EXT. Like the opening shot in Star Wars. POLITICIANS AND WIVES AH! EXT. CLERGYMEN AH! EXT. 138 ..

FOYER Rooney's at the front door. 140 INT. COMPUTER It acknowledges the doorbell. Big smile. 142 EXT. following the car as it flies over them. STREETS. SLO-MO. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition. excited smiles. then crosses to Ferris' house. FERRIS' HOUSE Rooney gets out of his car. ROONEY This is Ed Rooney. FERRIS' ROOM. He looks at the house. SLO-MO. CASSETTE PLAYER It clicks on. CU. Maniac at the wheel. KIDS They're looking up in the air. PARKING ATTENDANT His eyes are wide with exhilaration. EXT. CU. HOUSE. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE. RASTAMAN His eyes are closed. SLO-MO. The car's shadow passes over them. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. CAR GRILLE It fills the frame and stops. tongue out. HOUSE. SLO-MO. I could take a nasty spill down the 142 141 140 139 . Mouth open. The doorbell rings. I'd like to have a word with you. FRONT PORCH The house intercom activates. Broad. looks up and down the street.CU. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. HOUSE. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney behind the wheel of his car. CU. Ferris. 139 CU. EXT. We see him peek in a window at the top of the door. 141 INT. FERRIS Who is it? Rooney presses the intercom.

HOUSE. 143 INT. Rooney presses the intercom. HOUSE. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. 144 INT. 144 143 . LIVING ROOM Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows. ROONEY I'm not leaving until you come down and talk to me. It will be remembered long after this illness has past. Ferris. ROONEY I'm not leaving. He can't quite figure out what's going on. FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording. There's no response. Come down here. ROONEY B.S.stairs and subject myself to further school absenses. But's it's highly suspicious. Thank you for stopping by. The pre-recorded litany starts over. Rooney leans back from the door. His voice clicks off. Rooney presses the intercom again. FERRIS' VOICE You may reach my parents at their places of business. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day. There's a pause. KITCHEN Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window. ROONEY Don't get smart with me Ferris! FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now.. FERRIS' VOICE You can reach my parents at their places of business. Rooney rings the doorbell again. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition.. Rooney presses the intercom again.

I'm losing respect for you by the bucket. Cameron's mouth is open in amazement.. SLOANE Ferris. into the dining room. LARGE BREASTS Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers. EXT. He lifts the doggie door and peeks in the house. BACKDOOR A black rubber doggie door. Through the kitchen. FERRIS AND SLOANE They're sitting in a booth in the garish. He hears the dog. His face freezes. FERRIS Have a nice day. CU. 145 EXT. DOGGIE DOOR A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of gnashing teeth and foam. It will be remembered long after. CU. Sloane is embarrassed and revolted. one goes the other. Rooney is crouched down. CAMERON How does she do that? One goes one way. HOUSE. I'm talking about 146 145 . ROONEY He's peaking through the door. for Christ's sake. this is nauseating me. Really. We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL. FERRIS You don't think it's amazing that we got in? SLOANE Who wants to get in? FERRIS Cameron looks like a toddler. HOUSE.FERRIS' VOICE I appreciate your conern for my well-being. nearly deserted strip joint. 146 CU. CAMERON. HIS POV Along the kitchen floor. The type that allows a dog to come and go as it pleases. FERRIS She's probably schizophrenic..

you lies when you said you loved me and I had no cause to doubt you. The stripper disappears in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight. We think about love and matters of the heart. But consider why she does it. with you as my sweetheart. You seemed to change. FERRIS Point well taken. do-wop track FADES UP. curls his lip and affects an Elvis impression. I feel it. Fate had me playing in love. He climbs up on the little runway. And we feel it. It's a terrible thing. I've never known. Ferris stands up from the booth. And why. Why she does it and you don't. You may think because I'm the age I am that I'm a sex maniac.a major achievement in false identification. I'm a romantic. FERRIS Honey. You acted strange. Now. He strolls slowly through the empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of blue light. The club lights go down. I think alot of people my age are. But I'd rather go on hearing your lies than to go on living without you.. FERRIS Maybe her life fell apart. SLOANE I'm not a tramp. But that's not true. A parent. A boyfriend.. someone said the world's a stage and each must play a part. the stage is bare and I'm standing there with emptiness all around and if you won't . Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness. we worry about lonliness. A lover. He flips his collar up. I loved you at first glance. That sex is all I think about. Act one was when we met. SLOANE I'm not interested in watching someone jiggle their mammary glands. FERRIS You know. (to CAMERA) This kind of thing makes me a little depressed. You read your lines so cleverly and never missed a cue. Maybe she lost somebody. A child. Then came act two. And SAT scores and acne aside. A sappy.

147 EXT. Like the King would. JEANIE Jeanie's standing at her car. dramatic florish that was the King's trademark ballad sign-off. 148 EXT. ATTENDANT You looking for something in my car? CU. She's staring incredulously into the distance. Ferris lip synchs with the big. The orignal recording.. TAXI CAB 150 149 148 147 at the car. . DOWNTOWN STREET.come back to me. Elvis fades up. then they can bring the curtain down. no.. CAMERON'S FATHER He shakes his head. She's shaking her head slowly.. He freezes. CAMERON'S CAR Cameron's father is looking looks terribly familiar. CU. It leans into the open car and see if the contents will confirm looks up slowly. He HIS POV The Attendant and the Rastaman are glowering at him. ELVIS IS YOUR HEART FILLED WITH PAIN? SHALL I COME BACK AGAIN? TELL ME DEAR. 150 INT. MICHIGAN AVENUE Afternoon traffic. They're holding bags of fried chicken. JEANIE She's furious. HER POV Spray-painted on the town water tower in gigantic black letters -. He reaches for the glovebox to if it's his. ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? Ferris drops his head. He's studying it. FERRIS' TOWN. Her mouth's open. CAMERON'S FATHER No. JEANIE I'm gonna microwave his nuts.. 149 EXT.SAVE FERRIS BUELLER.

FERRIS Clearly you've never been to an American high school. FERRIS You saw four states. Yuri. Sloane's in the middle. FERRIS That hurts. He leans forward and reads the driver's name off the city license. FERRIS Cameron. FERRIS So.. Ferris. FERRIS So. but it means my ass. SLOANE Jump back. Ferris is talking to the DRIVER. Ferris. seventy five dollars . Sloane and Cameron in the backseat of a checker. Cameron's been a good sport. I know you don't care.. Cameron. a submarine.Ferris. Ferris sits back. FERRIS You think I don't care? CAMERON I know you don't care. He puts his arm around Sloane. how long have you been in America? DRIVER One year. FERRIS What's your overall impression? DRIVER It's very good here. Ferris is on one window. I have to get the car home. Cameron on the other. what'd you see today? Cameron looks at him. FERRIS Better than Russia? DRIVER Much better here than in Russia. a giant heart. CAMERON It's getting late.

(quizical look) Are you gonna chuck your nachos? Cameron's staring past Ferris. feet up on the seat. He's baffled.. CAB.worth of cooked pancreas. She turns and glances out the window. major league baseball and. On their asses. looking bored. Thinks. FERRIS (to Sloane) What's he doing? SLOANE (revolted) He's looking at me and he's licking the glass and making obscene gestures with his hands. Looks up. He pauses. He's frozen. Cameron and Ferris are on the floor. HER POV Tom stares at her. FERRIS' POV Tom glances back at his paper. with their backs to the back of the front seat. FLOOR. HIS POV In the gridlock traffic. He freezes. He looks away. Fakes a yawn. TOM'S POV Ferris' frozen face. He's about a foot from Ferris. INT. their cab is squeezed tight alongside another cab. He turns and looks right into CAMERA. two of the most incredible breasts ever to come out of modern plastics. TOM'S POV Sloane is sitting where Ferris was. In that cab is Tom. She makes a . SLOANE Roast! She licks her finger and touches Ferris knee. She's wearing sunglasses. He turns. Ferris realizes he's looking at something out the window.. FERRIS What?! Sloane bursts out laughing. Turns back to CAMERA.

Rooney looks up at him. He keeps bumping into people. He heads up to the house. BACKYARD. CU. His suit pants are torn from the crotch to the knee. ROONEY He's standing outside the fence. Ferris and Sloane make the turn at Wacker Driver and disappear into the Stone Container Building. His hair's messed and there're grass-stains on his knees and elbows. 153 EXT. Cameron follows. 154 EXT. She's jogging to keep up. DOG The Rottweiler's chewing on a shoe. She collapes on the seat in hysterics. EXT.. BACKYARD. His suit coat pocket is torn off. FRONT A florist truck pulls up in front of the house. He's looking in at the dog. HOUSE.. He turns and slowly raises his newspaper over his face. Cameron's a few steps behind. 152 EXT. He's missing a shoe.00 dress shoe. you worthless mutt! HIS POV The Rottweiler leaps at CAMERA. He's hustling through the crowd. The delivery man hops up on the steps. 154 153 152 151 . ROONEY That's a $28.. CAMERON Money..tits. PORCH Rooney's sitting on the porch patting a bloody knee with his handkerchief. 151 EXT. We see on the back of the paper a small story with the headline: COMMUNITY RALLIES AROUND SICK YOUTH. TOM He can't quite figure out what's going on.. HIS POV Sloane's bouncing up and down. A DELIVERY MAN gets out iwth a huge floral arrangement. HOUSE. He greets Rooney cheerily.please. CITY STREET Ferris is leading the way down Michigan Avenue. INT. mumbling again. Tearing it apart. He has Sloane by the hand.sizzling sound. TOM'S CAB Tom's looking into Ferris' cab. FERRIS' HOUSE..

.. A beat and we hear Ferris' recording. (pause) You can reach my parents at their places of business. DELIVERY MAN Nobody's home here? ROONEY No. I have a delivery. FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? The Deliver Man presses the intercom. I could take a nasty spill and subject myself to further school absenses.DELIVERY MAN Howdy! He presses the doorbell. ROONEY It's a recording. DELIVERY MAN . DELIVERY MAN Little bugger's dying. Thank you for stopping by. DELIVERY MAN (to the intercom) Thank you. He's very popular.. It will be remembered long after this illness has passed. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day. DELIVERY MAN Focus on Flowers. Rooney is flabbergasted. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry but I can't come to the door right now. ROONEY What? FERRIS' VOICE . asshole. I'm very ill and I'm afraid.. DELIVERY MAN What's your problem? ROONEY He's one of my students. But my boss had to send to Milwaukee to get more orchids. DELIVERY MAN As I heard it from our mailman he was supposedly born with only half a kidney. (continues) I don't know the details. I appreciate your concern for my wellbeing..that in my weakened condition..

CU. D.. I guess there's hope for the human race afterall. DELIVERY MAN You wanna keep an eye on these? Rooney looks at the flowers. FERRIS' HOUSE Jeanie's car pull in the driveway. Christ. He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck. is sitting behind his microphone. We hear her car radio. RADIO STATION STUDIO The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D. His name is Ferris Mueller.J. Then he looks at the Delivery Man. 156 INT. (pause) I have a guest with me today. ROONEY (defeated) Oh.. FERRIS He put his headphones on. He opens the attached card. DELIVERY MAN Gotta run.J. Rooney looks incredulously at the arrangement.J. FERRIS 157 156 155 . 157 EXT. STUDIO.You gonna be around for awhile? ROONEY I imagine so. CARD It's signed: ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY THE ENGLISH DEPT. FACULTY AND STAFF 155 INT. D. He hands the arrangement to Rooney. I don't know who that was or what they were playing but I apologize for it nonetheless.. DELIVERY MAN (happy sigh) It really touches me that so many people are rallying behind this guy..

SCHOOL A group of kids are sitting around a blaster. speaks into the mike. (clears his voice. Ferris turns to CAMERA. (pause) You know this. I'm in a very pleasant groove right now. Her eyes blink..I'm the first Chicago area youth 159 158 . CAR ANTENNA The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in the air. I think radio's a facinating medium. FERRIS' VOICE . I'm going out to several million people so let me just say. it's always been a dream of mine to be on the radio. D. FERRIS I'm going to tell a massive lie here. This is a 50. I have what I consider to be an excellent broadcast voice. Unlike television which provides the images.000 watt outlet. JEANIE She goes into shock. 158 INT. 159 INT.J. CAR.J.. Sorry about that. Steve.. I practise it in the bathroom all the time. radio. INT. He has an incredible story. you and your listeners are probably not going to believe this but. Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio.. her head cocks. D. Ferris Bueller. it challenges the imagination. affects a "radio" voice) Well. FERRIS It's cool. Anyway. STUDIO Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone.Bueller. It's going to by very thick and very steamy. CU. I used to play records and do introductions to them... But I've never had the chance to sit behind a microphone and try it out for real.

The broken pieces are all around the dog's head. The flower arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog. The car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and I think Rooney pocketed the cash. I was so pissed off at her reaction to the whole thing that I considered running an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna use Mrs. car. STUDIO Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA. I took it again and passed. I was putting out a cigarette. which was not in any way. Heller's home number but is cost too much. shape or from my fault. After I got flunked in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail box. How did you get picked for this. I'm so used to getting in a car and lighting up. that I got in the driver's ed. They're cheering him on. FERRIS It's kind of a long story but I've been doing alot of programming for NASA. because I'm not allowed to smoke at home. ROONEY . like I was told. lit up a 'boro and Mrs. D.J. FERRIS HOUSE. FERRIS' HOUSE. But I had to work at Burger King to get the cash to pay for the driver's ed. pulled out of the lot. EXT. 161 INT. BACKYARD 162 161 160 The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn. HALLWAY A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster. FERRIS I was going to say I knew Springsteen's home phone number and I was going to give out the number of the New Jersey State Police but I thought I might get busted. But I can't prove it? I'm in high school. It was weird. remember? He turns back to the DJ. car and spaced completely. 160 INT.to be selected to participate in a space shuttle mission. BACKYARD. Anyway. SCHOOL. 162 EXT. Heller looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny out of my nose or something and I realized what the hell I was doing and I went to put it out and hit the mail box.

He peeks in. FRONT Rooney sneaks around the side of the house. FOYER Rooney sneaks into the house. 167 INT. HOUSE. 165 INT. 163 INT. JEANIE Is Mrs. A smile spreads across her face. He drops down and peek in the windows. She's startled by a noise downstairs. ROONEY His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge. The yardstick flings the covers and the pillows beneath them in the air. ROONEY Sleep tight. 167 166 165 164 163 .He's smiling with great satisfaction. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie kicks the door open. HOUSE. 166 INT. He slinks up on the porch. He hears something in the house.. HOUSE. JEANIE The worm has luck like clams have body odor. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. His head snaps around. She dials a number. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs. 164 EXT. Do you know where she is? Do you know when she'll be back? Do you know anything? She slams the phone down. HOUSE. The front door's open. She stomps in and turns off the snoring synthesizer. pooch. JEANIE I knew it! She grabs the phone and sits down. Bueller there? Where is she? This is her daughter. He's back and she's going to nail him. HIS POV A glimpse of a fleeting figure. CU.. He looks around the foyer and heads into the kitchen.

HOUSE. She flees back up the stairs. 173 . 171 172 INT. FERRIS' VOICE My input on the Star Wars defense plan was pretty substantial so I guess this is their way of rewarding me. KITCHEN 172 Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face. FOYER Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer. CAR Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to the radio. you can really have something to be proud of. FOYER Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen. Jeanie squeals in horror. KITCHEN Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in the face. D. He hits the deck. I'm pretty flattered. EXT. back into the kitchen. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an intruder. 170 171 INT. HOUSE. HOUSE. CAR Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house. 173 INT.J. EXT. JOYCE If you're willing to commit a little time and a little money to this place. He crosses back toward the foyer. KITCHEN Rooney comes out of the den. 168 169 INT. 169 170 INT.168 INT. VOICE Can you stay around and take a few phone calls? FERRIS' VOICE I'd really like to but I have a kidney operation in about an hour. CAR Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear. CAR Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the car. INT.

how are you bearing up? The kid stares at her. MOTHER Watch your mouth. Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name. BOYD Is he going up in the space shuttle in September? Joyce looks around at Boyd. CAR The door opens. A song starts. INT. BOYD I knew he was bullshitting.Don't let the black living room throw you off. VOICE I wish you the best of luck. The clients get in the other side.J. JOYCE Not that I know of. Steve. Boyd. JOYCE (to the kid) Well.J. She gives him a curious look. D. JOYCE Did I tell you I have a son your age? BOYD Twice. She opens the car door. D. VOICE A very interesting guy. I think you'd like him. Ferris Bueller. JOYCE His name is Ferris. Joyce gets in. BOYD How do you watch your mouth? JOYCE Do you know my son? . FERRIS' VOICE Thanks.

FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. And a scorching case of herpes. certainly weird. I'd rather not have it violated or killed. He thinks it's cute to bait adults. Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car. Jeanie's face drops. in our kitchen. She's in a panic. KITCHEN Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel. In the distance SIRENS WAIL. PARKING LOT The three are waiting for the Ferrari. If whoever's in the house is still in the house. (pause) My name is Bueller. JEANIE'S VOICE I'd also like to add that I have my father's gun. JEANIE'S VOICE Excuse me. If you have any brains whatsoever. The intercom goes on. possibly armed. male caucasian. There's another pause. 174 INT.FATHER Don't pay any attention to him. I'm very alone and I'm very protective of my body. you'll get your ass out of my house real quick. I'd like you to know that I have just called the police. JEANIE It's real nice that you hope my brother's feeling better but I'm in danger. Rooney stiffens with fear. It's parked in front of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with parking citations. STREET Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck. BOYD I don't think it's cute. We HEAR TIRES 177 176 175 174 . I need help! 175 INT. I think it's fun. There's an intruder. okay? I'm very cute. 176 EXT. JEANIE This is not a phoeny phone call. 177 EXT.

Ferris hands him the parking stub. Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes. FERRIS Stunning! He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the passenger seat forward for Cameron. DOWNTOWN STREET The Ferrari cruises through traffic. CAMERON Very funny. 178 EXT. FERRARI Sloane's in the passenger seat. Then the Ferrari pulls down the ramp and jams to a frightening stop. Keep that in mind. FERRIS We have enough cash left for a quick flight to Peoria and back. AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. what was your top speed coming down the ramp? BLACK GUY (matter-of-fact) About 60.SQUEALING. FERRIS Just out of curiosity. FERRIS Cameron? How many miles did you say this thing had when we left? CAMERON 178 . SLOANE What's next. Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in. FERRIS This is probably the last time you'll have to ride back here. We return the car. then to the road. A BLACK GUY jumps out. And back to the speedometer. SLOANE We could go to my house. CAMERON Nothing. He glances down at the speedometer. My parents aren't coming home until late. INT. Ferris is driving and Cameron is crammed in the back.

It's okay. Her gesture is one of genuine support.One hundred and twenty six and halfway between three and four tenths. CAMERON He's still holding the stare. He's concerned. We HEAR A THUNDERING. SPEEDOMETER The odometer reads 432. SLOANE She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms. FERRIS (to CAMERA) Here's where Cameron goes berserk. vacant stare. FERRARI Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron. INT. MUFFLED SCREAM. TRAFFIC The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. He's trembling.7. EXPRESSWAY The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic. Cameron. SLOANE You okay? CU. SLOANE Cameron! Cut it out! What's wrong?! Ferris! CU. CU. CAMERON His eyes are frozen in a mindless. CU. . EXT. We'll fix it. FERRIS Hey. FERRIS He looks at Sloane. FERRIS He shoots Sloane a look. EXT. He starts to breathe heavily. CU. Why? How many miles are on it now? He glances down at the speedometer. CU.

Nothing's a problem for you. FOYER The doorbell rings. really. FERRARI Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris. are you okay? It's no problem.. The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs. Her jaw goes slack. thank you. HOUSE...you. INT. She blinks her eyes. Cameron? CU.FERRIS Cameron. JEANIE Thank. 180 EXT. HER POV 180 179 . 179 INT. She whips it open. She turns back to Cameron. SLOANE Shut-up! It is a problem! For him it's a problem.. FERRIS VOICE Who is it? We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom. VOICE Anybody home? FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry that I can't come to the door right now. JEANIE I'm saved! Thank you.. The Ferris' tape is activated. SLOANE What can I do. But it's a problem for him! So. FERRIS' HOUSE.. It's completely fixable. thank you! She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door. Your old man won't know a thing. just shut-up. FRONT DOOR The door swings open. FERRIS Eyes front. God! Thank you. He knows what he's doing.

Mr. She pushes her Coke bottle glasses up on her nose.The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the door with floral arrangements. GIRL I'll bet you never smelled a real school bus before.. The bus stops. From inside we hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON BLASTERS. A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps up on the porch. DRIVER You want a lift? Rooney takes a few more steps. CU. myopic GIRL. ANOTHER KID Did you get in a fight? Rooney keep walking. CU. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET Rooney's walking down the street. He stops. NURSE (sings) WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT WE. A top forty montage.. 181 EXT. BUS The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES. Rooney! What're you doing? Rooney doesn't respond. A school bus is crawling alongside him as kids hang out the windows. GIRL She holds her smile. He climbs aboard the bus. ROONEY He looks vacantly at her. KID Hey. The bus doors open. The door slams shut. The DRIVER calls out to him. Spread all around them are more flowers. 182 181 . Rooney takes a deep breath. CU. GIRL She looks at Rooney and smiles. 182 INT. The passengers are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and take an empty seat next to a skinny.

the SHOUTING RESUMES. PARK 184 183 Cameron's laying on a picnic table. FERRIS This may very well be for real. Ferris WALKS INTO THE FOREGROUND. The bus jerks forward and pulls away. GIRL Gummi Bear? CU. Sloane's sitting beside him on the table. 183 EXT.CU. CU. FRESHMAN BOY It's kind of like being in the belly of the beast isn't it? CU. He addresses CAMERA. The BLASTERS go back on. They're real soft and warm. GIRL She holds up a candy package. She's stroking his hair. All I wanted to do . CU. I think Cameron might have blown a micro-chip or two. ROONEY He turns him eyes to the front. 184 EXT. BUS It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet street. CU. GIRL They've been in pocket. ROONEY He looks across to the kid. ROONEY He stares at her. CU. ROONEY He stares at her. BOY He leans forward. GIRL She puts one in her mouth. He's always been a little keyed-up. BOY A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring at him. CU.

As much as we like each other. He begins to walk. FERRIS I'm being tested here. the process of growing up will separate us. I would. We follow him. That's what my parents call it. How do I deal with that? I was serious when I said I'd marry her. What do they call what they have? If that's love. FERRIS My best friend has flipped-out. He'll work and I'll work. Then we have the summer. FERRIS He looks to the picnic table. He starts back to the picnic table. Sloane's stroking his hair. FERRIS Sloane's a bigger problem. CU. She still has another year of high school. She won't respect him because you can't respect someone who kisses your ass. She looks away. This isn't just teenage infatuation. And basically that'll be it. FERRIS (VO) Cameron's never been in love. SLOANE Ferris? CU. And she's gonna treat him like shit because he's gonna kiss her ass for giving him what he's built-up in his mind as the end-all. CAMERON His eyes are closed. I'll take infatuation. CU. Conventional wisdom would suggest a visit to the nearest trauma center. He's gonna marry the first girl he lays. At least no one's ever been in love with him.was give him a good day. I wouldn't fault anybody for doing that. Then back to CAMERA. be-all of human existance. My. We're gonna graduate in a couple of months. It just doesn't work. . SLOANE She's studying Cameron's face. And we'll see each other at night and on the weekends but then he'll go to one school and I'll go to another. personally.

I think this calls for something new, something bold, something wet and wild. 185 CU. JACUZZI JET UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles. CU. BLASTER A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES UP. CU. BEER CAN LID The finger pops a beer. CU. OREO PACKAGE A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper. INT. JACUZZI Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer. Sloane's eating Oreos. FERRIS You feeling any better, Cameron? SLOANE The water's really nice. I wish you'd come in. CU. CAMERON Staring into space. CAMERON Surgery...fire...move... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers her his beer. FERRIS Cameron? Do you think this because of the car or is it a combination of everything shitty in your life? CU. CAMERON He doesn't respond. CAMERON Music...kiss...attack... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS 185

Sloane sips the beer. FERRIS You just can't deal with anymore shit? The car took you into the red zone? Time for a reality check? SLOANE Cameron? I could flip real easy, too. There's nothing wrong with it. At one time or another, everybody goes to the zoo. FERRIS Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe he wasn't bullshitting himself. CU. CAMERON No response. CAMERON Gesundheit...God...mercy... EXT. BACKYARD Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend. CU. CAMERON He smiles. CU. SLOANE She leans forward and stares at Cameron. CU. FERRIS He cocks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to. CU. CAMERON He keels over forward. EXT. BACKYARD Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down, face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for him. UNDERWATER Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water. UNDERWATER

Ferris grabs Cameron's collar and rips him out of the water. EXT. BACKYARD Ferris sits Cameron on the edge of the Jacuzzi. FERRIS CAMERON! CU. CAMERON His eyes are closed. He's lifeless. CU. FERRIS His face is a mask of terror. He shakes Cameron. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. CU. CAMERON A smile spreads across his face. CU. FERRIS He sees the smile. He stops shaking Cameron. EXT. JACUZZI Ferris and Cameron are looking at each other. Sloane's still screaming. She realizes that Cameron's okay. She stops screaming. SLOANE What? FERRIS (Cameron) You asshole! Cameron's smiling. SLOANE What? Ferris starts to laugh. Cameron explodes with laughter. Sloane's bewildered. SLOANE What's so funny? 186 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 186

Jeanie's sitting on a wooden bench with a WASTED TEENAGE BOY in a Triumph t-shirt, long hair, torn jeans, creepers, studs and chains. He's studying her. BOY Drugs?

JEANIE Blow yourself. . Did you shoot him or something? JEANIE No. If you've got the time. BOY Then why don't you go home? JEANIE Why don't you put your thumb up your butt? The boy stares at her. I'm straight. The boy crosses his legs. How's that? BOY That's cool. JEANIE Why are you here? BOY Drugs. He understands the emotion.JEANIE No. thank you. I've got the troubles. JEANIE Alright. I'm serious. Jeanie looks back at him. BOY You want to talk about your problem? JEANIE With you? Are you serious? BOY Yeah. The boy nods. are you here for drugs? Jeanie stares at him. I hate my brother. Jeanie turns away. not yet. JEANIE You really want to know what's wrong? The boy shrugs. JEANIE I don't know why I'm here. In a nutshell. BOY I meant.

JEANIE Why should he get to ditch school when everybody else has to go? BOY You could ditch. JEANIE If you say Ferris Bueller. Jeanie stares angrily at him. BOY There's somebody you should talk to. BOY Then your problem is you. BOY You know him? . JEANIE I'd get caught. JEANIE Excuse me? BOY Excuse you. It's just an opinion.JEANIE I went home to confirm that the shithead was ditching school and a guy broke into the house and I called the cops and they picked me up for making a phoney phone call. you're pissed at him because he ditches and doesn't get caught? JEANIE Basically. The boy nods knowingly. You oughta spend a little more time dealing with yourself and a little less time worrying about what your brother does. Jeanie stares at him threateningly. BOY What do you care if your brother ditches school? Jeanie stares at the boy. you lose a testicle. BOY So. Partly because he's so bold and partly because he's so right.

The whole time things over. it doesn't make if the present 187 FERRIS I have a agree with you there. CAMERON I was just thinking was like. CAMERON'S GARAGE Ferris. The Ferrari is jacked up. FERRIS Bathroom. CY. JEANIE'S HAND It curls into a fist. answer his question. meditating. CAMERON I've been thinking all day that if you could only have the use of one word. The engine's racing. I I was thinking And I realized and difference goes to shit. Sloane. what would it be? FERRIS Sloane is naked before your eyes and you're thinking about words? SLOANE God bless you. what would it be? FERRIS I can't believe you'd think up something like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi right in front of you.CU. CAMERON Thank you. The wheels are turning. Cameron. . Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage. CAMERON If you guys only had one word. INT. about the future. Ferris. FERRARI TIRE It's spinning rapidly. SLOANE Come on. 187 CU. SLOANE Really. holding it down. ACCELERATOR A brick's resting on the accelerator.

. running it in reverse.. FERRIS Hellos' generic. FERRIS Hello. Cameron peeks in the window. FERRIS And what is you loathe somebody? Are you going to say "love" every time you see them? SLOANE It's better than "hello". Cameron smiles at his wisdom. CU. SLOANE Love. Ferris and Sloane think about it.SLOANE I'd say. CAMERON It's the only word you could ever use. CAMERON Ferris? It's not working. GARAGE Cameron pulls his head out of the car. FERRIS Cash. INT. ODOMETER Nothing's happening. CAMERON The miles aren't coming off. It's a good choice. CAMERON The word is help. SLOANE You wanna be generic? CAMERON It's help.. She thinks. Ferris looks up. Cameron gets up and walks to the Ferrari.

He walks back around behind the Ferrari. GARAGE Cameron has kicked the Ferrari off the jack.FERRIS I thought that might be a problem. Now. CU. CU. he's finally going to have to deal with me. against myself. CU.000 . CU. against my family. CAMERON I got a better idea. She applauds him. I will not sit idly by as events that affect me unfold to change the course of my life. I'm taking a stand against my father. Cameron shakes his head. CAMERON Seventeen years and I've never taken a stand. A beat and it gives a mighty shove. Let's crack open the odometer and roll it back by hand. CAMERON He's serious and determined. TIRE The spinning tires slam down on the cement. It's cool. SLOANE She smiles proudly at Cameron. He has made up his mind and it appears that it won't be changed by anyone but himself. my present and my future. I'm gonna do it. It squeals out of the garage in a cloud of blue tire smoke. INT. MERCEDES BUMPER Cameron's foot rests on the bumper. FERRIS This is a big U-2 fan. FERRIS He turns to CAMERA. I'm taking a stand. TIRES It's spinning wildly. I will take a stand and I will defend it. A $50. against my past. CU. When my father comes home tonight. Good or bad. CU.

GARAGE Ferris and Sloane exchange baffled looks. EXT. Cameron looks across the street. SLOANE AND FERRIS They're in shock. HOUSE The Ferrari shoots down the driveway. A puzzled look. FERRIS What was that about? SLOANE This has to be a dream. He's proud and bold. You wrecked a car. . CAMERON It's okay. over the curb into the wooded property opposite the house. CU. Ferris and Sloane are bewildered. Cameron thinks for a moment. GARAGE Cameron watches the car go. INT. Cameron.unmanned investment heading backwards down a driveway. FERRIS No. across the street. Then a look of bewilderment comes over his face. INT. He shoots a look to Ferris. CU. They look at Cameron. THEIR POV The Ferrari travels down the driveway. He's strangely placcid about the impending disaster. SLOANE Why? CAMERON I took a stand. FERRIS Cameron? One quick question. TREE The Ferrari's brief journey ends as it smacks a tree trunk. FERRIS You trashed the car. Why'd you do that? Cameron holds his proud posture for a beat. Then he regains his confidence.

I don't know why she'd call you with this story about a rapist. I can assure you that her father and I will have a long talk with her. Joyce looks at the officer curiously. JOYCE I hope so. First. The gathers her purse and jacket and stands. JOYCE She's never been in trouble before. by the way. He shakes his head. If you're interested. OFFICER Oh. POLICE STATION. on the bench. OFFICE Joyce is talking with the juvenile officer. thanks. I'll use it. If I need it again. I think she'd had a good scare. I don't know why she wasn't at school.Ferris looks across the street at the car. CAMERON It's cool. Outside the office. CAMERON No. This is a shock to me. FERRIS I think this could work. Cameron looks at him. I hope you son's feeling better. JOYCE Thank you. 188 . I'm loose. He smiles. CAMERON I'm gonna handle it. 188 INT. He raises am impish eyebrow. SLOANE What about your one word? CAMERON You already did it. FERRIS I have an idea. OFFICER For whatever reasons she did it. Second. we see Jeanie and the boy making out. I want to deal with it by myself. I appreciate your calling me.

WAITING ROOM Jeanie quickly breaks the embrace with the boy as Joyce steps out of the juvenile officer's room. 189 INT. SLOANE I had a great time today. His old man had it coming. I think we can probably get it on pretty good. It was pretty cool. She's still a little bewildered that everybody knows Ferris was ill. SLOANE You think Cameron's gonna be alright? FERRIS Sure. The boy adjusts his pants to better hide his passion. I guess. POLICE STATION. FERRIS Yeah. He'll be okay. Jeanie reaches down for her purse. all the guys at the station here are pulling for him. I'd be worried if he'd 190 189 . BOY For sure. young lady.OFFICER Tell him. JEANIE Hi. Jeanie stands up. 190 EXT. SLOANE'S BACKYARD Sloane and Ferris are standing at the back fence. Jeanie wipes her lips and sits up straight. Get your stuff. He had to so it. JEANIE (to the boy) If you keep this to yourself. JOYCE Don't "hi" me. BOY What's your name? JEANIE Jean. What's yours? BOY Garth Volbeck.

. PIECE OF PAPER We see a portion of the typewritten letter as she signs it. springs off. A huge smile spreads across her face.765. CU. MUSIC FADES UP.taken my idea.33. Sloane smiles knowingly. SLOANE He's gonna marry me. SLOANE You didn't have an idea. Sloane nods. 193 CU. ". BACKYARD Ferris sprints across a backyard. hits the diving board. 192 EXT. He jumps a plaster elf. I'm just real loose. She turns and runs into the house. CU. FERRIS I'll call you tonight.in the amount of $1. Sloane watches him go. I know it. does a flip and lands on the grass on the other side of the pool. SLOANE She's writing. SLOANE You're so smart. Ferris jumps the fence and takes off across the backyards. A significant amount of cash.. He kisses her. BEDSPREAD Neatly bundles stacks of bills and rolled coins. FERRIS No. He's approaching it from the side. did you? FERRIS Not a glimmer. 191 EXT. It gives us great pleasure to assist 193 . SLOANE I LOVE YOU! She backs away from the fence. ANOTHER BACKYARD 192 191 Ferris vaults a fence. He runs directly for a swimming pool. He leaps.

CU. EXT. fixing dinner and out her backdoor. 197 196 195 194 . HOUSE. Tom's at the wheel. He glances in the mirror. HIS POV. CAR. Sincerely. past a WOMAN. HIS POV Rooney's looking down at him. He does a take. The car pulls around him. INT. 195 INT. Sloane Peterson Executive Director The Ferris Bueller Foundation" 194 EXT.you in performance of your worthy and much needed survives to those so desperately in need. FERRIS' HOUSE Tom pulls in the driveway. BACK PORCH Ferris tries the door. It's locked. PORCH Ferris stands up. An OMNIOUS CHORD IS STRUCK. Joyce pulls in from the other direction. FERRIS' STREET He's running down the middle of the street. He smiles. He's holding the house key. TOM He realizes it couldn't be Ferris. He parks and gets out. The key's gone. The Woman looks up curiously. HOUSE Ferris runs through the kitchen. A car honks. 197 EXT. The toe of a chewed-up dress shoe steps INTO FRAME. Ferris moves to the side. FERRIS He stares up in horror. PORCH The outline of a key in the dirt under the mat. CU. 196 EXT. CU. MIRROR We see Ferris cut across a front lawn and into a house. He reaches down and lifts the doormat.

JEANIE Can you imagine someone as sick as Ferris trying to walk home from the hospital? (shakes her head) Kids! CU. ROONEY I got you. JEANIE . (to Ferris) You better get up in bed tight now. She feigns joy and relief. PORCH Jeanie breaks the embrace. Rooney gloats severely. This time I finally got you. ROONEY How does another year of high school sit with you? Suddenly. Jeanie looks out. Ferris. CU. Ferris limps into the house. Mr. Ferris is caught. His victory is evaporating. CU. FERRIS A moment of curiosity. He smiles. JEANIE (to Rooney) Thank you for bringing him home. She rushes Ferris and hugs him.ROONEY Looking for this? FERRIS Yes. the backdoor opens. Rooney. you're alright! We've been worried sick! CU. ROONEY He's dumbfounded. EXT. Then it dawns on him what's happening. JEANIE Thank God. There's no way out. ROONEY His eyes dart from Ferris to Jeanie to Ferris.

KIMBERLY Oh. KIMBERLY (to Todd) Is he serious? TODD I think so. KITCHEN Kimberly and Todd are sitting at the kitchen table watching TV and eating cereal.She raises her hands and strikes a karate pose. ROONEY A look of terror as he realizes that is was Jeanie who kicked him and that Jeanie knows it was he who she kicked. 198 INT. He looks at his little brother. A huge smile passes over her face. bewildered face. CU. EXT. FERRIS No. lost. 199 EXT. DOG The click of the door wakes him up. dejected. His head pops up off the grass. He crosses to the refrigerator and opens it. We hear AN O. shit! Ferris takes out a bottle of orange juice out of the refrigerator and drinks straight from the bottle. Not only has he lost Ferris again. TODD Ferris? Does my head look like it's getting bigger? Ferris leans against the counter as he tries to catch his breath. CU. Jeanie comes in. PORCH Jeanie steps into the house. GROWL. 200 INT. YARD. They look up at Ferris as he comes in from outside. ROONEY He senses new danger. but Kimberly's is. Kimberly feels her head. he has Jeanie to deal with next year. Rooney squeezes his eyes shut.C. CU. HOUSE The door closes on Rooney's defeated. 200 199 198 .

FERRIS It's completely cool. HOUSE Joyce and Tom head up to the kitchen. KITCHEN Ferris and Jeanie exit the kitchen as Joyce and Tom enter. 204 203 202 201 . JEANIE I'm sorry I've been riding your buns for so long. HOUSE. KIMBERLY Is my head swelling up? 203 INT. SECOND FLOOR LANDING Ferris and Jeanie stop. Jeanie. 201 EXT. plants and gifts. I borrowed some cash from you.FERRIS Thanks. guys. FERRIS By the way. JEANIE You don't have to. FERRIS Upstairs. JEANIE No problem. FERRIS I want to. FOYER The foyer is jammed with floral arrangements. 202 INT. Ferris and Jeanie step gingerly through the flowers and head upstairs. Mom! 204 INT. I'll pay you back. Ferris gives her a proud smile. I've been ripping off your wallet for years. JOYCE (OC) Ferris! Ferris continues up the stairs. JOYCE (to Todd and Kimberly) Hi. JEANIE You don't have to. He affects a sickly voice.

TOM (OC) Ferris? How do you feel? He pulls in his tongue to speak. Ferris walks into the room. don't make me stay home again. I'm graduating in June and I. You're sick. Please. FERRIS The same deathly face he had in the morning. Joyce leans over and kisses him forehead.JEANIE Do you know a guy named Garth Volbeck? FERRIS Vaguely. No sooner are the covers over him than the bedroom door opens and Joyce and Tom walk in. I want to go to school.. FERRIS (deathly gasp) 150% better. JEANIE Is he cool? FERRIS He's cool. really. JOYCE Honey? CU. 205 INT. eyes bulging. They walk over to the bed. BEDROOM Tom and Joyce hover over him with deep concern. Dad. Joyce sits down. But stay away from his brother.. FERRIS I'm much better. FERRIS Maybe you're right. TOM Ferris. JOYCE How did you get so sweet? 205 . Tongue out. TOM I know I'm right. brushes the crumbs off his hands and peels off his shirt. thank you. He climbs into bed. There's no point pushing yourself and making it worse.

FERRIS You gotta get one. He and Joyce exit. A beat and we HEAR THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSE. MUSIC UP BIG END TITLES THE END . Ferris looks at CAMERA. A great big crazy ball of pure living. Tom pats Ferris on the rump.FERRIS Years of practice. CU. He smiles. He rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his head. FERRIS The hideous face. life is a carousel. FERRIS (happy sigh) Yeah. breathing joy and delight.

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