Where's Mom? TODD Is my head going to swell up? TOM What?! JEANIE OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!! MOTHER (JOYCE) (screams) TOM! The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP. TODD What's that? KIMBERLY Wait! Hold still! TODD What?! KIMBERLY You heads starting to swell up!! Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the hallway. A door open. TOM (breathless) What's the matter? JOYCE (worried) It's Ferris! TOM What's wrong? JOYCE (snaps) What's wrong? For Christ's sake! Look at him! 2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA. His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side. 3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties. Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed 3 2

for work. TOM Ferris? JOYCE He doesn't have a fever. But he says his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots. 4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS His lifeless eyes blink. 5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead. TOM What's the matter, Ferris? JOYCE Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy. Tom takes one of Ferris' hands. TOM (discreetly) Should you call the doctor? JOYCE (whispers) He doesn't want me to. TOM Why don't you want Mom to call the doctor? Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can manage is a choked gasp. TOM What? Ferris tries again. FERRIS (raspy) Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up. He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down. FERRIS I have a test today. I have to take it. I want to get into a good college so I can have a fruitful life... JOYCE You're not going to school like this. (to Tom) Maybe I should call the office and 5 4

Jeanie. Jeanie. KIMBERLY peek into the room. What's this? What's his problem? JOYCE He doesn't feel well. She's dressed for school. Mom. She's cute and stuck-up. If I was bleeding out my eyes. It's so unfair. TOM That's enough. JEANIE You're not falling for this. FERRIS Is that Jeanie? I can't see that far. defeated) You're really letting him stay home? I can't believe this. FERRIS I'm okay. I feel perfectly. you guys'd make me go to school. Jeanie. JEANIE (angry. His body stiffens and he chokes. She glares at Ferris.Oh. JEAN Oh. Dry that one out and you can fertilize the lawn.. JOYCE (annoyed) Thank you. Get to school. JEAN Yeah. right. walks into the room. His older sister.tell them I won't be in. Ferris. KIMBERLY Myocardial infarction? JOYCE . TODD and sister. God! He's gripped by a seizure. Jeanie? JEANIE Pucker up and squat. A major pill.. Be thankful that you're fit and have your health. are you? Tell me you're not falling for this. Ferris' brother. I wanna puke. Cherish it. JEANIE (to herself) Oh. FERRIS Please don't be upset with me. JEANIE. fine. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. She slips out of the room.

TOM I'll check it with you.. KIMBERLY Syphilitic meningitus? That would be a huge family embarrassment. if you need me. Daddy'll be right down. KIMBERLY (OC) A WATERMELON! TODD (yells out the room) Shut-up! JOYCE Get downstairs! NOW! Todd backs out of the room. I got dibs on his stereo. caring parents. 6 CU. FERRIS I'll be okay. My office'll know where I am. FERRIS 6 . JOYCE (to Ferris) I'm showing houses to the family from California today but I'll be in the area. You're both very special people. Maybe I'll have an aspirin around noon.. I'll just sleep. She turns sharply and exits. FERRIS It's nice to know I have such loving. too.Get your stuff. TODD (worried) Dad? Does my head look alright? JOYCE Get downstairs! Now! TODD Just answer me one question! Is it swelling up? Kim said it was going to get as big as. TOM Get downstairs! KIMBERLY If he dies.

FERRIS Ferris lets out a wheeze. (looks out the window) What a beautiful day! He turns from the window. And to make them work you have to go a hundred and one. JOYCE I hope you feel better. FERRIS Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. It's a good. The MTV logo is playing. FERRIS Parents always fall for the clammy hands. You get a nervous mother and you end up in a doctor's office 10 9 8 7 . sweetie. pumpkin. The lock clicks. Tom pats his shoulder. A sly. BEDROOM Ferris yanks open the drapes. little smile crawls across his lips.He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids. 10 INT. hundred and two. Parents are generally pretty hip to the fever scams. JOYCE (OC) We love you. It's physical evidence of illness. BEDROOM. 8 CU. They close the door. TV SCREEN The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. Ferris' eyes shift from the door to CAMERA. 9 CU. JOYCE She strokes Ferris' hair. The MTV theme music ROARS IN. She leans down and kisses his forehead. non-specific symptom. His glassy eyes follow his parents to the door. TOM Get some rest. TOM (OC) Call if you need us. The pall of the sickroom disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight. FERRIS They bought it. 7 INT.

Right? He equalizes the sound a little. FERRIS I don't care if you're fifty five or seven. everybody needs a day off now and then. How can I be expected to handle high school? He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. Inside the shower. He steps into the shower. He turns on the shower water. FERRIS I do actually have a test. What's the point? I'm not European. FERRIS That I care about it was. go for ten. BATHROOM Ferris walks into the bathroom. FERRIS It's on European socialism. So. He pops up. just lick your palms. SHOWER STALL. I mean. A NEW SONG begins. It's a little stupid and childish but then so if high school. I don't plan to be European. I absolutely make this one count. So. Ferris' hair is standing straight up. It's moulded into a fin with shampoo. 12 INT. Through the pebbled glass of the shower door we see Ferris' outline. This If I have must FERRIS is my ninth sick day with semester. FERRIS Fake a stomach cramp and when you're doubled over. moaning and wailing. 12 11 . really.and that's worse than school. BATHROOM. He exits into the hallway. I'm probably going to to barf up a lung. He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV broadcast. That wasn't bullshit. who gives a shit if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists and it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. 11 INT. It's littered with Jean's debris. It's a beautiful day.

FERRIS (sings) WELL SHAKE IT UP. 14 13 . FERRIS I could be the Walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off people.. (pause) Be careful when you deal with old hippies. in my opinion are not good. FERRIS (OC) I'm not very political? Let me put that into perspective. FERRIS Not that I condone fascism. LATER Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. Two weeks. A person should not believe in an "ism". HALLWAY. Afterall. BEDROOM Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed. "What's the deal. He should believe in himself. It took you twenty years to find out you don't believe in anything?" (snaps his fingers) Grounded. He's drying his hair with another of a different color. "I don't believe in Beatles.. I just believe in me. They can be real touchy. BABY. Or and "isms". "Isms". He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it. TWIST AND SHOUT.He turns the shower head around and uses it like a microphone.. 14 INT. 13 INT. Just like that. Uncle Jeff? In wartime you want to be a pacifist and in peacetime you want to be a soldier. He passes CAMERA and goes into his room. He opens his door. So I said. he was the Walrus. right? On the Fourth of July he was down with my aunt and he got drunk and told my Dad he felt guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam. FERRIS My uncle went to Canada to protest the war." A good point there.. John Lennon said it on his first solo album.

"Nothing". Not a bad guy. The smoke tasted like glue. I do what I can for him. 15 16 INT. I'm probably his only friend. He picks it up.. He finds a shirt he likes. Alot of fights with the parents on that point. He drops the towel. FERRIS His name is Garth Volbeck. She only puts out so people will hang out with her. Mainly his older brother. I like him. she hears memories. I asked him what was wrong and he said. .15 INT. If she listens to the White Album now? She doesn't hear music. which is complete bullshit. There was no specific thing he was crying about. He steps back from the closet and puts it on. Nostalgia is her favorite drug. CLOSET The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts. right? Anyway. He opens his underwear drawer. But she lost it. His father's dead and his sister's rumored to be a prostitute. his mother owns a gas station. She got old. I could see them not wanting his brother here because he is a registered psycho. He's a serious outsider. It isn't his fault that his brother's screwed-up. I wouldn't want him here. I always felt for Garth. He's in jail. I mean. It was because of his family. BEDROOM He walks across the room to his dresser. Nothing was wrong. It'll probably be mine.. I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of artificial fruit just so he could see what it was like to have his stomach pumped. FERRIS My mother was a hippie. I hope not. Do unto others. too. FERRIS In eighth grade a friend of mine made a bong out of one of these. He pulls out a pair of underwear. He gets dressed as he speaks. It's sad but I don't hold it against her. Better to hold it against the guys who use her and don't care about her. if I was him. (pause) My parents never allowed Garth over here. But Garth isn't his brother. There's an old model of a submarine on the top of the dresser. 16 . I'd appreciate it. I was sleeping at his house once and I was laying on the dark worrying that his brother was going to come in and hack me to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying.

TV and food. His legacy is a gas station. STAIRCASE Ferris comes down the stairs. Gone from life. now my parents have a legit argument. He's wearing a completely different outfit. FERRIS Unfortunately. I myself have ditched and gotten so bored I did homework. He's eighteen. How could you possibly dump on guy who has to deal with that kinda shit? My parents acknowledge the trudge of the situation and I'm sure that deep down. Otherwise you get all nervous worrying about what to do and all you get is grief and the whole point is to take it easy. FERRIS 18 17 . Figure that shit out. Then they realize there's nothing to do. He continues his speech as he disrobes. FERRIS One very serious danger is playing sick is that it's possible to believe your own act. It was a habit. He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet door. He doesn't like what he's wearing. He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice.In fact. It's over for him. Alot of people ditch and feel great for about an hour. He just cried himself to sleep every night. He's lost. he wasn't really even aware that he was crying. he can't sleep. 18 INT. He's getting one on his own. KITCHEN Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the refrigerator. they do feel for him but still the guy's banned from our house. FERRIS You have to plan things out before you take the day off. 17 INT. Garth doesn't need his brother to give him a rep anymore. cut loose and enjoy. He crosses to the pantry. The guy's so conditioned to grief that if he doesn't feel it. FERRIS That and boredom. Gone from school. HOUSE.

FERRIS That's just one reason why I need a day off every now and then. He sets it in his lap... rich future ahead of him. And it's not always recognized. A telephone rings OVER. modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. when everybody's out of school. 23 INT. Shades drawn. ANOTHER HOUSE A sleek. is laying in bed. FAMILY ROOM. 21 INT.You blow your day and at about three o'clock.. dreary sick room. A high school boy. FERRIS He remote controls the TV on. We don't see his face. nightstand a still-life of over the counter remedies. He's mumbling random words.. FERRIS Avoid the misery. PHONE He punches out a number. he looks at someone like me and thinks. "This kid's young and strong and has a full. 23 22 21 20 19 . what's he got to bitch about?" 20 CU. Do it right..shelter. CAMERON Food. BOY'S BEDROOM It's a dark. FAMILY ROOM Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair. floor strewn with used tissues. 22 EXT. FERRIS There's alot of pressure at work in my age group. He reaches over and picks up the telephone. you're going to wish you'd gone to school so you could be out having fun. only a silhouette with a thermometer sticking out his mouth... Plan your day.no.yes. FERRIS Some guy whose hair is falling out and his stomach's hanging over his belt and everything he eats makes him fart. 19 INT. CAMERON FRYE. He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos. A prime house in a prime location. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY is playing..

Ferris disconnects. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry to hear that. 25 INT. FERRIS Ferris is sprawled out in the chair. FERRIS' VOICE How do you feel? CAMERON Shredded. FERRIS It's all in your head. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker phone button. come on over and pick me up.The phone rings. CAMERON She's not home. Get dressed and come over. CAMERON (weak) Hello? FERRIS' VOICE Cameron! What's happening? CAMERON Very little. FERRIS' VOICE Is your mother in the room? Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth. CAMERON I'm dying. Ferris. FERRIS I'm taking the day off. I'm sick. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM. Cameron slowly hangs up the phone. Where are you? FERRIS' VOICE Home. Come on over. 25 24 . 24 INT. CAMERON'S VOICE I can't. I can't go anywhere. CAMERON'S ROOM Cameron's insistant. Now. CAMERON I feel like complete shit.

He's a little easier to take when you know why he's like he is.. (after-thought) And Cameron would worry that he'd owe taxes on it. His roommate'll kill him. He can't be wound this tight and go to college.. It travels past a teacher's Hush Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow Reebocks. rotting Air Jordans. pristine loafers. You just can't think of anything good to do. 26 INT. TEACHER'S VOICE Anderson. Cameron hits the speaker button. He has alot of things to sort out before he graduates. A shoe's POV. it's Cameron. GIRL'S VOICE Here. FERRIS' VOICE You're not dying. CAMERA enters a classroom. The boy cannot relax. I've come close myself. SCHOOL. TEACHER'S VOICE Busch? GIRL'S VOICE 27 26 . HALLWAY We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. 27 INT. scuffed heels. But I like him. FERRIS If anybody needs a day off. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM Ferris hangs up. TEACHER'S VOICE Anheiser? BOY'S VOICE Here. TEACHER'S VOICE Albers? BOY'S VOICE Here.The phone rings again. in two weeks you'd have a diamond. Pardon by French but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass.

He gives it a twist. (pause) My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out at 31 Flavors last night.Here. TV Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve. Simone. 28 . TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that it's empty. FERRIS He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war wagon. TEACHER'S VOICE Drucker? BOY'S VOICE What? WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD. TV THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. He's wearing a hockey mash. CU. He's steering. FAMILY ROOM. He reaches down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve. FERRIS He throws himself back against the chair. GIRL'S VOICE (cheery) No problem whatsoever. TEACHER'S VOICE (weary) Thank you. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? GIRL'S VOICE He's sick. CU. 28 CU. CU. INT. The big chase at the end. I guess it's pretty serious. TV The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws Humongous back in his seat.

CU. It's Jeanie's room. Petite pink flowers. books. hey. I'm broke.CU. you should not alientate them. But. Ferris is sitting on her bed going through a purse. FERRIS Regardless of how much shit sisters make you eat. In times of crisis one must to what one must to. CU. TV The was wagon hurtles down the road. head thrown back. A pink and powder blue pig pen. CU. He comes up with a five. TV The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the tanker truck. 29 CU. records. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH Outside a bedroom window. FERRIS He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high speed ride. Very damaging to the self-image. FERRIS Arms outstretched. TV IMPACT! MOZART COMES UP. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE ROOM. how often they rat on you. braced for collision. FERRIS This is really degrading. how gross they act or how wicked and insensitive they can be. He holds up a twenty and snaps it. CU. He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill. CU. I'll pay it back. make-up. FERRIS He rears back in horror. With interest. A flowering crabtree branch. FERRIS Financing my activities this way. Clothes everywhere. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY" 29 . Because most likely they have cash and it's usually very easy to get your hands on.

LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET An obvious gift from a grandparent. A screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and pops them apart. dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the floor. 30 INT. He closes the door. SOFA Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice. WASHING MACHINE TOP A couple of stiff. new five. Locating a dollar bill. A U.S. One-by-one. FLOOR AND BED 40 39 38 37 36 35 34 33 32 31 30 . hard. A roll of Tums. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. the quarters are being popped out of their slots. 36 CU. A hand peels the bills off the backing. 34 CU. PARENTS' BEDROOM Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. 32 CU. Mint proof set. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth. 33 CU. 35 CU. 39 INT. Then a modest wad of bills. SNOOPY BANK It's being shaken furiously. VACCUUM CLEANER The dusty. CU. a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. A hand scoops them up. 37 CU. LIVING ROOM The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions. A squirt gun. KITCHEN DRAWER Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. BIRTHDAY CARD It's a child's card. 38 CU. COIN COLLECTION The familiar blue collector's album. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp. 40 CU. 31 INT. bleached singles that have gone through the wash lay on top of the washer. HALL CLOSET The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets of the coats. His face lights up as he counts out the cash.COMES UP. A ten. Another crumpled bill surfaces.

48 47 46 45 44 43 42 41 . 42 INT. Volbeck's dead set against putting any money into the house. 41 CU. finally. An awl is driven in between the door and the jamb. 48 EXT. 47 INT. Not even those jerks from Vermont. HIGH SCHOOL A modern. The SONG ENDS. JOYCE No one's going to consider a house with a black living room. I'm so sorry. Her eyes open wide with alarm. suburban high school. It pries the door open. TABLE LEG Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used to balance the table. JOYCE Oh. my God. She take the call.Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. 46 EXT. a charred doll's head. Let's be realistic. 43 CU. Inside are trading cards. His arm reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed. A cute little building in town. KITCHEN Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter. JOYCE Joyce Bueller. FERRIS' BED A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. OFFICE Joyce is behind a desk. a five dollar bill. KITCHEN Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. AGENT 1 Mrs. 44 INT. a Zippo lighter and. 45 CU. Across from her are two WOMEN. BANK It's on a work bench. I completely forgot to call. They're also real estate agents. MORNING A suburban realty company. Joyce's phone intercom buzzes.

DEAN'S VOICE I just had his file up. neatly combed hair. Moderately priced dress shoes. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. ROONEY If Ferris thinks he coast this last month and still graduate. suit and tie. CU. DEAD OF STUDENTS. Behind him is a computer terminal. He's toying with a pencil. He's confident to the point of arrogance. I should have called. The hall is clogged with students. JOYCE'S VOICE I don't understand. He removes his feet from the desk and turns in his swivel chair. DEAN'S VOICE Are you also aware that Ferris does not have what we consider an exemplary attendance record? 51 INT. COMPUTER MONITOR The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records. EDWARD R. Ferris is home sick. The dean's feet are up on the desk. DEAN ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. Mrs. DESK SIGN It reads. It completely slipped my mind. I had a meeting first thing this morning. ROONEY I just has his file up. HALLWAY It's a passing period. 50 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. clean and straight as an I-beam. JOYCE'S VOICE Yes. CU. Bueller. 51 50 49 . behind the sign. JOYCE'S VOICE This is all news to me.MAN'S VOICE Are you aware that your son is not in school today? 49 INT. He's tough. he's sorely mistaken. OFFICE. Short. SCHOOL. ROONEY. We hear the dean inside the office. CU. I am. INT. SCHOOL.

He's missed. I can appreciate that at this time of year children are prone to taking the day off. he's truly a very sick boy. SOLO GUITAR. JOYCE'S VOICE Nine times? Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a number 2.. in fact. SPEAKER The grille cloth is throbbing. FERRIS' ROOM Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. CU. He's playing. FERRIS I wanted a car. CU. JOYCE I can give you every assurance that Ferris is home and that he is.ROONEY'S VOICE So far this semester alone. 52 INT. ROONEY I have it right here in front of me. FERRIS' BEDROOM MUSIC BLASTS. Including today. He has his record up on the screen. 54 INT.. he's been absent nine times. How's that for being born under a bad sign? 53 INT. I got a computer. He reads off the screen. 54 53 52 . CU. INT. but in Ferris' case. TV MONITOR We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck. I debated whether or not I should even leave him. very ill. OFFICE Rooney turns to the monitor. JOYCE'S OFFICE She's still on the phone with Rooney. He looks closer at the screen. LED METERS The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone.

Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment. GIRL No. GIRL A whole bunch of people. GIRL I'm really sorry about your brother. He sighs deeply and fall back on the bed. (point to the phone) Freshman. 57 INT. I'm bricking heavily. HALLWAY Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. FERRIS' ROOM He's in bed on the phone. JEANIE What're you sorry for? I have to live with the trouser snake. CAMERON'S ROOM He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. SCHOOL. She kicks her locker shut. They said he's like on the verge of death.CU. 55 INT. (to the phone) Did you see Alien? When the guy had the creature in his stomach? It feels like that. SCHOOL. GIRL This guy in my biology class said that if Ferris dies he's giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's really sweet isn't he? She smiles and exits. 58 INT. man. A GIRLFRIEND comes up to her. FERRIS A sample of my blood was sent to Atlanta to the Center for Disease Control. I don't know. I mean I heard he's really sick. HALLWAY 58 57 56 55 . Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl. 56 INT. JEANIE Who said he's sick. VIDEO CAMERA A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape.

SECOND BOY (to Third Boy) Shit. You know him? THIRD BOY (excited) Yeah. I hope he doesn't die. BOY You never rented the video cassette? Second boy shakes his head. He's getting me out of summer school. The boy snatches a passing GIRL.Yeah. BOY Anyway. A couple of his BUDDIES are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news. He's really wasted. BOY Goddamn! Are you kidding? SECOND BOY What? BOY Did you see Alien? SECOND BOY No. why? He hands her the phone. sure. BOY Did you see Alien? GIRL Yeah. GIRL Hello? (pause) Who? (pause) . (pause) Huh?. I appreciate you letting us know how you're doing. BOY Oh..A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. We gotta split. no. Hold on. I can't handle summer school. THIRD BOY (to the Second Boy) Who's he talking to? SECOND BOY Ferris Bueller..

DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. Ed. Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile. my God! You're dying? Is it serious? (pause) Shiit! Are you upset? 59 INT. His SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder. ROONEY That's exactly why I have to catch him this time. As he speaks he does a little 61 60 59 . geeks. How's your bod? (jaw drops) Oh. dweebies. SECRETARY He's very popular. you better not throw anybody. The last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. ROONEY I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him! SECRETARY With your bad knee. richies. they all adore him. You sounded like Dirty Harry just now. pinheads. Sportos. 61 INT. FERRIS' ROOM He's on the telephone. 60 EXT. Ed. Rooney stares at her for a long beat. To show these kids that the example he sets is a first class ticket to nowhere. SECRETARY (impressed) Ooo.Hi. motorheads. Ferris. A florist's truck drives past the house. FERRIS' HOUSE It's a glorious late spring day. ROONEY Really? He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint. sluts. ROONEY What's so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is that he gives the good kids bad ideas. wonkers.

He sounds like he's on his last breath. FERRIS' ROOM He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness. you can find a new best friend.MacPainting on his MacIntosh. if you're not over here in fifteen minutes. I got another call. I'm serious. It's almost summer. man. I feel like shit. 62 INT. FERRIS You want to stay home and try to have the shits? Try to barf? Try to feel worse? CAMERON'S VOICE I don't have to try. Take some Pepto Bismol and get dressed. If this was Hawaii. TOM'S VOICE Ferris? 65 INT. A Modigliani nude. He puts Cameron on hold. we'd be surfing. OFFICE BUILDING. FERRIS Squeeze you buns for a second. Why can't you leave me alone? FERRIS' VOICE You're not up for some good times? It's a beautiful day. FERRIS Be a man. CAMERON'S BEDROOM Cameron's back in bed. This is bullshit. The other phone line rings. TOM'S OFFICE 65 64 63 62 . 63 INT. CAMERON I'm sick. making me wait around the house for you. DOWNTOWN A LaSalle Street office tower. You're boring me with this stuff. FERRIS Cameron. FERRIS H--hell-o? 64 EXT. He clears his throat and answers the second line.

FERRIS Cameron? It's my Dad. Bye. FERRIS Dad? Can you hold on a second? TOM'S VOICE Sure. It was making me ill looking at it. Herman Miller desk and chair. INT. Dad. that's just great. FERRIS' ROOM He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke. I'm working on getting some heavy bucks out of him. Hold on. TOM You sound miserable. He switches back to his sick voice. Are you alright? FERRIS Just a little phlegm on the phone. But gee. He puts his father on hold. So. CAMERON'S VOICE Oh. He's just checking up on me. FERRIS' VOICE Really? Darn! I thought I was improving. it's sure great of you to call. pal. the least you can do is hurry up and get over here. The moment before you called. listen to me. 66 . 66 CU. Are you busted? FERRIS It's completely cool. Two windows.He's behind his desk. FERRIS (OC) I'm so worried about falling behind. FERRIS Sorry. TOM Were you sleeping? FERRIS' VOICE I was trying to do some homework. COMPUTER MONITOR A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making. Now. Nice office. He disconnects and gets his father back. I had a chest spasm and I blew lung fluid all over the place.

COMPUTER SCREEN A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA". The screen dumps the drawing. FERRIS Give yourself some credit. what was I supposed to do? Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer. DIAMONDVISION SCREEN Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard. 68 INT. FERRIS You had to work hard for the money to buy those things. CU. INT. TOM'S VOICE Hey. TOM'S VOICE Wrong. He nods. right? TOM'S VOICE Not any harder than anybody else. It was a mammoth gesture. It's like those savings bonds you used to give me every Christmas. CHICAGO LOOP. Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them. He lights a cigarette. sick teenager. FERRIS' ROOM He blows a smoke ring. FERRIS Oh. Pedestrians stop to look. You're just trying to cheer me up. yeah? You're pulling my leg. Dad. right? Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father. 67 EXT. 68 67 . (looks at CAMERA and smiles) It was that kind of concern. FERRIS' ROOM He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the desk. FERRIS You work so hard I'll bet you don't even remember where those bonds are.I'm sure there're alot of fathers who wouldn't take time out from their busy schedules to call a dumb. pal.

No doubt about it. He hangs up. if they didn't. you lose some.TOM'S VOICE Like hell I am. They're in a shoebox in my closet. Dad. FERRIS You don't have to. FERRIS You win some. CAMERON We're gonna get caught. CAMERON FERRIS disappointed in Cameron. You take care. I take it back. 69 . Ferris smiles. Bye now. He cuts the engine. CAMERON He's sitting behind the wheel of his car. sick voice) Dad? All this talking has made me kind of light-headed. I'll call you after lunch. TOM'S VOICE I want to. (thinks) Of course. TOM'S VOICE Okay. FERRIS (to CAMERA. normal voice) Was that a class move or what? The guy gave it up faster than a drunk Catholic girl. they'd be dumb and abnormal and they'd probably never move out of my house and I'd have to support them until I die. bucks says he's sitting car debating about whether he should go out. I'm so Twenty in his or not 69 INT. He turns his desk chair around and gets up. He looks at CAMERA. (to the phone. He's gotten exactly what he wants. I hope my kids don't pull this shit on me. CAR. pal. I think I better lie down. Ferris sighs.

He sits for half a beat. HALLWAY Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway. FERRIS' ROOM He takes out the magazine. (waves the magazine) Pardon moi. Another beat.I'm not doing it. 72 INT. ominously. SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED. FERRIS (sings) MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER. CLASSROOM. he worries about everything. Another beat. The reason he doesn't fell good is. LATER 72 71 70 . We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM DOWN. Ferris'll escape. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC. DRESSER DRAWER Hands curl around the drawer pulls. FERRIS Cameron's also the only guy I know who knows what strategic metals are. INT. CAMERON He'll keep calling until I come over. The drawer is opened slowly. The guy is a shellfish when it comes to making a decision. 71 INT. He leafs through the pages for the pictorials as he speaks. He goes into the bathroom. 70 CU.. He's the only guy I know who's deeply concerned that when he grows up there'll be a critical shortage of strategic metals.. CAMERON Actually. what'll happen is I'll get caught. FERRIS Cameron'll go on like that for a good thirty minutes. He exits the room. A HERALDIC STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater. He sighs and restarts the engine. He stops the engine. The hands lift a sweater out.

dusty lecture. She looks at the kids. 74 CU. the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard him sneeze. SLOANE She. NURSE Sloane Peterson? SLOANE Sits up in her seat. TEACHER Roosevelt's health had seriously deteriorated by the time he met with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta. INT. like the others. HALLWAY The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand. SLOANE A smile curls across her lips. He nods grimly to the Nurse. She's staring out the window as a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry. The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. NURSE She's a picture of compassion and understanding. SLOANE PETERSON. watches the nurse curiously. NURSE May I see you outside for a moment? There's been an emergency. 73 INT. CLASSROOM. SLOANE (whispers) Dead grandmother. (sneezes) Pardon me. NURSE (nods solemnly) Dead grandmother.A stunningly beautiful girl. TEACHER AND NURSE The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece of disturbing news. For a moment. 74 73 . ROONEY He has a suspicious look on his face. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear. As she gathers her books she looks to the GIRL next to her. is sitting at her desk in a history class.

SECRETARY Do you still want his number? Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. He thinks for a beat then reaches for the phone. . SECRETARY That's what Mr. Peterson. His suspicions are confirmed. I had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's at his desk. His secretary is standing across from him. (pause) Yes. MAN'S VOICE Ed? This is George Peterson. I see her alot with Ferris Bueller. She stops and answers the desk phone. She smiles and backs out. Rooney is startled. Can you hold? Thank you. ROONEY Ed Rooney. He punches the phone button. sir? MAN'S VOICE We've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard. She puts the call on hold. SECRETARY It's Mr. Rooney's phone rings. Peterson's daytime number? As the secretary starts out of the room.ROONEY Dead grandmother? INT. ROONEY Who's this girl's going with? SECRETARY It's so hard to tell. ROONEY How are you today. Rooney smiles. Peterson said. SECRETARY Edward Rooney's office. ROONEY Could you get me Mr.

She's waving her arms furiously. sure. Her jaw drops. She hurried into Rooney's office. It's school policy. She puts the call on hold and hangs up. ROONEY I'll tell you want. And. ROONEY (whispers) It's Ferris Bueller. It's so obvious it's not Mr. Huh? Oh. He's angry. gosh. I'm gonna set a trap and let his walk right into it! (to phone) That's right. I want to see this dead grandmother firsthand. I'm all broken up. Cart the stiff in and I'll turn over your daughter. you can just come on down and smooch by big old ugly ass. 76 INT. The secretary stops cold in the doorway. Rooney tries to wave her away. SECRETARY Ed Rooney's office.Rooney rolls his eyes. Was this your mother? Rooney's other line rings. you don't like my policies. I'd be happy to release Sloane. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line. please. She stomps her foot. Nervy litttle punk. Rooney covers the phone. SECRETARY'S OFFICE She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other line. He covers the phone. You hear me? The secretary comes in. 76 75 . 75 INT. You produce a corpse and I'll release Sloane. ROONEY I heard. SECRETARY Hold. Peterson. She turns to Rooney in horror. ROONEY What!? SECRETARY Ferris Bueller's on line two.

FERRIS Mr. PHONE Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting call. 79 INT. cocks his head. PHONE The second line light is flashing. He glances at the phone. CU. CU.CU. What's the matter with you. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY'S HAND The pencils falls from his fingers. ROONEY He winces as he returns to the first call. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb you at work but I was wondering if it would be possible for my sister to bring home any assignments from my classes that I may need. ROONEY He's staring blankly ahead. phoney "father" voice. fastening his belt. He's doing a deep. CU. He speaks in the same voice he used on his father. He nods. 78 INT. CU. ROONEY He blinks. CU. anyway? 79 78 77 . FERRIS' HOUSE. The phone's cradled against his shoulder. twitches. ROONEY'S FACE A mask of horror. sir. CU. ROONEY'S FOOT It freezes in mid-tap. 77 INT. KITCHEN Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. FERRIS' VOICE Thank you. CAMERON You oughta be sorry for Christ's sake! A family member dies and you insult me. FERRIS' ROOM He's zipping his pants.

You're doing great. ROONEY He apologies profusely to Cameron. You have to know. I can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I am. buster. He's perspiring. CAMERON This isn't over yet. goddamn it! ROONEY'S VOICE Sir. CAMERON Call me sir. You just make sure my daughter's out in front of the school in ten minutes. KITCHEN Cameron lays into Rooney. 81 . Peterson. CAMERON That's better. that I would never deliberately insult you. CAMERON (to Ferris) I'm scared shitless. trembling. Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the conversation. Cameron covers the phone. Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone. sir. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY Absolutely! I most certainly am. CAMERON (clears his throat) I don't have all day to bark at you so I'll make this short and sweet. CAMERON'S VOICE Pardon my French but you're an asshole! Rooney nods enthusiastically. Mr.80 INT. ROONEY I don't know. I thought you were someone else. Ferris! What is Rooney guesses my voice! FERRIS Impossible. Do you read me? ROONEY'S VOICE Load and clear. 80 81 INT.

CAMERON I want my daughter out in front of the school in ten minutes.. Cameron panics.Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up. CAMERON'S VOICE On second thought. You be out in front with her! I wanna have a few words with you! Ferris slaps Cameron. We'll get together soon and have lunch. ROONEY He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK! We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE. CAMERON You do it! Ferris waves his arms angrily. CAMERON What'd I do? FERRIS Out in front my herself? It's too suspicious! He'll think something's up. He's said the wrong thing. The phone flies out of his hand.. Cover it. He holds the phone out to Ferris. 83 INT. CAMERON I changed my mind. He clears his throat and puts on his father's voice. By herself. Ferris smacks Cameron. 83 82 . FERRIS Talk! Cameron takes a deep breath. FERRIS' KITCHEN Cameron's rubbing the side of his head. moron. We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS. He covers the phone. THEN CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT. 82 CU. fella. FERRIS (mouths) Great! Cameron smiles proudly. I don's want anyone around. I don't have time to talk to you.

don't ask me to participate in your crap if you don't like the way I do it! Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. a man who could squeeze my nuts into oblivion and then you deliberately hurt my feelings. CAMERON I was home. make me do a phoney phone call on a dean of students. Look.CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me? FERRIS Where's your brain? CAMERON I asked you first. being me over here. really. make me jeopardize my future. . you're so stupid! (aside) I didn't hit you. sick. Cameron's anger is intensified by his embarrassment. CAMERON You hit me. I lightly slapped you. FERRIS How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's going to be there with her?! CAMERON I said for her to be there alone and you freaked! FERRIS My. FERRIS I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings. really? FERRIS Yeah. God. CAMERON Oh. You get me out of bed.

CAMERON AND FERRIS Cameron's face is ashen. dramatically as we hear a heraldic fanfare. GARAGE The door opens slowly. right? Not that is was necessarily all you fault. Ferris? Have a nice life. CU. CAMERON You're serious? He turns around. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear. FERRIS Cameron. FERRARI STALLION The prancing black stallion. It was uncalled for. We move up from the stallion to the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Cameron's jaw drops. He turns and heads out of the room.Cameron glares at Ferris. FERRIS Dead serious. I'm going to have to ask you for a small favor. Right? CAMERON (suspiciously) Why? FERRIS To fix this situation. 84 . He appreciates Ferris apology. I'm sorry. 84 INT. Ferris. Ferris is smiling with excitement and awe. Cameron smiles. FERRIS Cameron? CAMERON Stick it up your ass. The end of the world is at hand. I didn't mean to jam you. FERRIS You did screw up through. CAMERON Thanks. Ferris sighs. Cameron stops. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris looking at the car. CAMERON Hey.

He puts his arm around Cameron. It is joy.Ferris is in heaven. FERRIS Whatever miles we put on it. Look. . FERRIS It is his fault he didn't lock the garage. Less than a hundred were made. It has a market value of $265. Ferris. CAMERON It's not a piece of shit. FERRIS Alright. we'll take off. Peterson drives that piece of shit. FERRIS We can't pick up Sloane in your car. Don't worry about it. it is his love. my father loves this car more than life itself. CAMERON (grim monotone) 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. I'm sorry but there's nothing else we can do. FERRIS It's a piece of shit. CAMERON He knows the mileage. I don't even have a piece of shit. He has it tatooed on his wrist.000. look. Ferris. He just rubs it with a diaper. My father spent three years restoring it. this is real simple. We can't take is out. FERRIS He doesn't trust you? CAMERON No. Rooney'd never believe Mr. I have to envy yours. CAMERON He never drives it. it is his passion. FERRIS A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile. CAMERON Ferris. Cameron.

I'm sorry but. CAMERON Forget it. I have to live with the man.. Cameron's in the back.CAMERON (suspicious) How? FERRIS (big.. CAMERON'S VOICE .. FERRARI GRILLE Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar of the twelve cylinders.. Ferris.You're not talking me into this one. I'm putting my foot down. CU. SCHOOL. Cameron shakes his head. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses. 87 INT. She stops as Sloane and Rooney walk past. SCHOOL The Ferrari is parked out in front. FERRARI Ferris is driving. The top is down. the more obvious we are. Jeanie watches her suspiciously. You'll have to think of something else. JEANIE She comes out of a classroom. Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her books. the less likely we are to get caught. CAMERON What about Rooney? FERRIS Cameron. 85 INT. CAMERON That makes no sense whatsoever. FERRIS 87 86 85 .. 86 EXT. CAMERON Are you crazy?! Put the top back up! FERRIS This is perfect top-down weather. no.. The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a crowded school hallway. proud smile) We'll drive home backwards.

Thanks. Sloane smiles and bids Rooney a hasty farewell. SLOANE I guess that's my Dad. (look around at Cameron) Stay down.The adult mind is a suspicious machine. She was a terrific lady. Rooney watches her. Rooney looks. Very. Sloane! Dear! Sloane looks across at the Ferrari. 89 INT. Very hip. JEANIE She's watching out the door. THEIR POV Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. ROONEY Once again let me say how deeply saddened I am by your loss. Yeah. Cameron squeezes himself lower. Something does compute for him. SCHOOL Rooney and Sloane come out the door. Yeah. man. FERRIS Hurry along now! EXT. 89 88 . Um. She hurries to the car. DEEP VOICE Oh. 88 EXT. Very old. See ya. SCHOOL. SCHOOL Rooney's suspicious. SLOANE Huh? ROONEY Were you close to your grandmother? SLOANE Oh. He's careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline. She sees the Ferrari pull away. CAMERON Howcome it's my Dad's car and I'm taking all the risk and I have to ride back here? FERRIS I don't have an explanation.

FERRIS (to CAMERA) If you had access to a car like this would you take it back right away? Would you give up feeling like a ton just to ease your best friend's tension? He smiles. 90 91 INT. SLOANE This is so great! I can't believe it! Right in front of Rooney! She laughs and turns to Cameron.90 EXT. SCHOOL. Cameron. SLOANE Hi. FERRARI Sloane shrieks with delight. ROONEY He can't quite put his finger on what's bothering him. It' s going home. 92 . FERRIS It was risky. Please. FERRIS Either would I. You comfortable? CAMERON Hi. She leans across the console and gives Ferris a kiss. the question is "what aren't we going to do. No. FERRARI It accelerates away like a shot." CAMERON Don't tell me we're not going to take the car home. 91 92 EXT. SLOANE What're we gonna do? FERRIS The question isn't "what are we gonna do". SLOANE What a fabulous car! CAMERON Enjoy it quick. STREET. it was bold but it was totally necessary.

Cameron blanches. (something occurs to her) Say. I'm as chipper as can be. Ferris leads the way to an open teller window.. In fact. Ferris smiles.. BANK. Mrs. DOORS Ferris. FERRIS Hello. This is my wife. Cameron's having stomach trouble. 94 . It's about four inches higher the highest beehive you're ever seen. Cameron and Sloane walk in. In doing so she locates a missing ball point pen. TELLER A WOMAN about seventy with a silver blue beehive. INT. FERRIS (to Cameron) And this is my brother-in-law. FERRIS Me? (polite laugh) I'm out of school. Froeling. She withdraws it from the hair and smiles at it's reappearance. ZZ. Froeling. The Ferrari pulls into the parking lot. TELLER I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. Froeling.Madonna. should you be in school? FERRIS He lays his savings bonds on the counter. Mrs. On either shoulder are Cameron and Sloane. modern bank building. Sloane suppresses a laugh. She's been at the bank since they opened. TELLER Ferris Bueller? FERRIS He's at the window. Ferris is cocky and confident. As she moves the beehive hits a small sign over her head. Sloane's still intoxicated with her freedom. BANK. 93 94 INT. I'm married. SUBURBAN BANK A fresh. this is Mrs.93 EXT. The clock outside read 9:53. How are you? TELLER She pats the rock-solid mass of blue hair. so I'm a little pooped but other than that. She smiles when she sees Ferris. ZZ Top.

Cameron isn't amused. TELLER (to Cameron) Is Top a Slavic name? CAMERON Yeah. FERRIS I'd like to cash these in, please. We're having a baby and we need the cash for a crib, clothes, diapers, food pellets, leash, water dish... INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling takes the bonds with a hearty smile. The latter part of the conversation sails over her like a line drive. TELLER A baby! (to Sloane) You must be so excited. Cameron groans and turns away from the sham. SLOANE I'm thrilled, ma'am. I'm especially looking forward to wearing those jeans with the stretch panel in front. Mrs. Froeling thumbs through the bonds. TELLER Are you hoping for a boy or a girl? SLOANE Actually, we're hoping for a car. CU. CAMERON He's spooked by the games playing. He scans the bank nervously. He blinks, focuses, blinks again. HIS POV Joyce is with a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE and their bored, sour-puss teenage son, BOYD. He's sitting in a chair with his legs slung over the sides waving a Bic lighter back and forth across his rump. The parents are Joyce's clients from Vermont. A LOAN OFFICER is discussing the local financing situation with them. His is an open office adjacent to the teller windows. Joyce's back is to the tellers. CU. CAMERON

It's like he's just witnesses an ax murder. CAMERON Shit... INT. BANK. JOYCE Her back is to the teller windows. She's conducting her meeting. Behind her we see Cameron grab Ferris and point her out to him. He waves. Cameron slaps his arm. INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds. TELLER These bonds aren't mature. If you hold onto them another two years you'll get an additional four dollars... FERRIS I'm aware of that. TELLER You're throwing away four dollars. FERRIS No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the government. They need it. Do you know what an aircraft carrier's going for these days? INT. BANK. JOYCE She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out. INT. BANK. DOOR Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce. JOYCE Mrs. Froeling, how are you? MRS. FROELING I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. (shifts gears, to Joyce) Say, you must be very proud. Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about. MRS. FROELING (whispers) I met Madonna. She pats Joyce on the arm.

MRS. FROELING She told me everything. Keep me posted, I'll want to send a gift. She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are completely baffled. 95 EXT. BANK Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking lot. JOYCE My son's home sick today. If you wouldn't mind, on our way back to the office, I'd like to just run in and check up on him. We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car. MOTHER Of course. They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look on proudly. 96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE His secretary is dialing a number for him. SECRETARY This is the Peterson's home. She hands the phone to Rooney. SECRETARY Watch your mouth this time. Rooney glares at her. ROONEY Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's no doubt in my mind. That's what I was saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped. He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this thing now. See? The secretary nods. SECRETARY And her grandmother, too. 97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an 97 96 95

In the distance we see the Sears Tower. Rooney stares at her like she's crazy. CAMERON'S HOUSE His answering machine clicks on. ROONEY And I'm going to stop it! SECRETARY My brother-in-law'll appreciate it. SECRETARY There's a railroad strike... 101 100 99 98 . puzzled. EDENS EXPRESSWAY The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the suburbs. Mortuary. 98 INT. The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk. 99 EXT. CAMERON'S VOICE You have reached the Coughlin Bros. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney quickly takes down a number. Rooney looks at her. If you need to reach us we'll be at the following number. She's not listening to him.. SLOANE We can't come to the phone right now. 100 INT. ROONEY Something's going on. the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil Building. goddamn it. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney hangs up the phone. We hear Cameron's voice. ROONEY Who gives a good goddamn? 101 EXT. We've had a death in the family.awful lot like Sloane. The Ferrari streaks past. ROONEY What? SECRETARY My brother-in-law rides the train to work.. We are unable to come to the phone right now but if you'll leave your name and number.

We're collecting money to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. Jeanie stares at him. babe! Some day you might need a favor from Ferris Bueller! Then where'll you be?! He reaches for the can. KID Heartless wench.. Cameron's having fits. PARKING GARAGE The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage. The kid yells after her. FERRIS 103 . CHICAGO LOOP. KID They run about fifty g's so it you could help out. GARAGE Ferris. SCHOOL. KID Yo. EXT. JEANIE Go piss up a flagpole! KID Huh? 102 She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall. KID Hey. She's stopped by a KID with a Coke can. wrecked. scratched. you name it. HALLWAY Jeanie's walking down the hall. CAMERON We can't leave the car here! FERRIS Why not? CAMERON Because we can't! I want it back home where it belongs! SLOANE What could happen to it? CAMERON It could get stolen.102 INT.. She's flabbergasted at the proportions her brother's scan has reached. 103 EXT... Sloane and Cameron get out.

sure. Ferris turns to Cameron. Goatee. FERRIS See what a finski can do to a person's attitude? He's going to treat it like a beautiful woman. SLOANE Oh. ATTENDANT Like it's a beautiful woman. 6'6". very carefully. Ferris slips him a give. no revving engine. okay? He pats the Attendant on the arm. FERRIS You speak English? ATTENDANT Since I was three. 240. CAMERON What guy? CU. I want to you take extra special care of this vehicle. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a hairnet Gold teeth.I'll give the guy a five to watch it. Another attendant jumps in the passenger side. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the exit ramp of the garage. Whip it with a stick and piss on the hood. Cameron. CAMERON Yeah. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly. . please. They exit the garage and head after Sloane. FERRIS Great. PARKING ATTENDANT He smiles with relish at the car. FERRIS I appreciate it. An IQ that equals his hourly wage. It's gone in the entrance and out the exit. He smiles. No squealing tires. SLOANE This is so right! Ferris nudges Cameron on. EXT. PARKING LOT The Attendant swaggers over to the car. The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. Do you have to be so graphic? She heads down the street. Earring.

FERRIS' ROOM It's dark. HER POV The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves. 109 108 107 106 105 .He's skinny. CU. It's taut. 104 EXT. 107 INT. CLOSET The closet door is open. The wire from the bedroom door is strung over the top of the closet door. 105 INT. He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of the lot. We hear soft snoring. She listens at the door. 106 INT. tall. The snoring it simulated. DOORKNOB Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a crack. She's smiles with relief and affection. HOUSE. CU. CU. the trophy lifts up off the yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's original position. Downstairs. INT. we hear a door open and close. HALLWAY Joyce listens at the door another beat. 108 INT. WE HEAR THE SNORING. She gets out and heads up the house. ROOM. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet door to the door to the room itself. FERRIS' HOUSE 104 Joyce's care pulls in the driveway. As the bedroom door closes. There's a figure in the bed. FERRIS' SYNTHESIZER Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring. STAIRWAY Joyce quietly walks up the stairs. HALLWAY Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room. A trophy is attached to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick. Ferris and Cameron. 109 INT. It heads down the street away from Sloane. HOUSE. DOOR KNOB The wire is tied to the doorknob. JOYCE She smiles and closes the door. with a huge knit hat willed with dreads. ROOM.

Sloane and Cameron follow suit. INT. SLOANE Oh. far below. reluctantly. SLOANE What if the glass gives? FERRIS Death. lean against the glass. Ferris.110 EXT. CAMERON (VO) Do you think the car's alright? FERRIS (VO) Illinois. Cameron and Sloane are standing against the window. SEARS TOWER. shit! HER POV The street far. Cameron follows. Sloane leans forward.. A dizzying view. Michigan. Ferris steps back. 111 INT.. FERRIS Now. Indiana. As it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows.. Like this. SEARS TOWER OBSERVATION DECK Ferris. putting all his weight on his forehead. LATER 110 HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the world's tallest building. OBSERVATION DECK The three are leaning against the glass.. Are we gonna stay long? FERRIS Take a step back. CAMERON I don't feel good. Wisconsin and my personal favorite. SLOANE 111 . FERRIS And look down. He leans forward. we are provided with a view of four states. FERRIS (VO) This is the world's tallest building. From our vantage point here on the 103 floor.

HORACE FRYE. STREET LEVEL A middle-aged man. 112 EXT.Cool. Cameron's father. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. FERRIS AND SLOANE I BEEN ALL 'ROUND THIS GREAT BIG WORLD AND I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF GIRLS YEAH. Ferris and Sloane head down the street. He's wearing a puzzled look on his face. They're singing. Cameron follows glumly. 113 INT. Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the gallery watching the proceedings. CU. SEARS TOWER LOBBY Ferris and Sloane bound down the escalator. 117 116 115 114 113 112 . CAMERON'S FATHER I think I see my car. CAMERON I think I see my Dad. is standing on the street corner. GALLERY Ferris. They dance past the giant Calder mobile. Cameron follows. TRADING ROOM Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities. He's lean. 117 INT. CAMERON He's looking down. FERRIS AND SLOANE I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS! 115 EXT. tough and humorless. clean. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE Giant old monolith. STREET Ferris and Sloane burst out the doors garnering the annoyed stares of the business people busily going in and out of the building. 116 INT. Cameron politely waits his turn to exit. BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET BACK IN THE STATES BACK TO THE CUTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA 114 EXT. HIS POV The Ferrari screams down the avenue and disappears down the underground ramp.

FERRIS I'm game. FERRIS Would I have introduced you as my wife if I didn't love you? SLOANE Wait a minute. Is he serious. SLOANE No way! . FERRIS Would I risk damaging a deep and wonderfully enriching relationship with my parents if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. You? SLOANE Yes. FERRIS (serious) Today? Sloane stares at him. FERRIS Would you want to get married? I mean if I wasn't an asshole. SLOANE Sure. FERRIS True. Ferris puts his arm around Sloane.SLOANE Do you love me? FERRIS Do you love me? SLOANE I asked you first. That was a lie. FERRIS Would I trash a day of education to be with you if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. FERRIS Yes.

FERRIS So? CAMERON So. SLOANE I'm not getting married. Cameron suddenly adds his two cents. (to Ferris) You've seen them. FERRIS Why not? SLOANE What do you mean. Am I right? . FERRIS Besides being too young and your father hating my guts and not having any place to live and feeling awkward about being the only cheerleader with a husband. if you will. give me a good reason why not. FERRIS Huh? CAMERON If your blood's not compatible. The state requires a blood test.FERRIS I'll do it. Ferris looks around at him. Ferris and Sloane look at him curiously. My mother and father. you can't get married today. babe. why not? Think about it. you could produce a pinhead. CAMERON You need a blood test. CAMERON I'll give you two. CAMERON I'm with you. CAMERON They're married and they hate each other. FERRIS Tomorrow? CAMERON If you get a blood test today.

I've tried. Are you comfortable with it? SLOANE No. SLOANE Do you think they're staying together because of you? Cameron hasn't seen it that way. SLOANE My parents are divorced. He shrugs.FERRIS You're father's a toad and your Mom's always wired out.. but so what? They're old. We all thought so. SLOANE (to Cameron) It was pure selfishness. FERRIS (to CAMERA) This is all news to me.my father canned me and my brother and my Mom for a twenty five year old dipso with fake tits. He hates his wife. Sure. That parental love might not be a given. Are yours divorced? CAMERON They may as well be. It's like the car. She keeps a pretty good secret. SLOANE Do they like you? It hasn't occured to Cameron that his parents might not like him. It's not something I can get comfortable with. I thought so. Then BLAM! It's over. CAMERON Yeah. That's natural. Everything was cool at our house. CAMERON Just because it happens doesn't make it right. I don't care how much I want . He dropped us like a rock. He loves the car. Seeing people treat each other like that. So what? It's not like it doesn't happen ten thousand times a day. CAMERON It makes me puke. SLOANE Consider this.. When I have a kid.

(points to Sloane) Sorry. too. She's taken. CAMERON So. it's like a charming quick that infests youth. FERRIS (to CAMERA) She's not lying. I should just sit back and watch it crumble? SLOANE You're merely an inhabitant in their universe. SLOANE What? FERRIS Let's go feed Cameron. It's out of your hands. I'm gonna think about it. They wish they had her. if it's gonna screw-up the kid. SLOANE Yeah. It's a common trait with my age group.something. you're saying I should run away? FERRIS No. But I'm gonna try not to. you call the shots. SLOANE They call the shots. When you split from them. CAMERON You could change. deep down. I'm gonna try to prevent it. She's saying it's time for lunch. I in other words. Adults think it's cute. you know what? It ain't up to you. crusty old shits wish they had some. FERRIS This is optomism. SLOANE Well. FERRIS Frightening choice of words. thank you. But it's a cool thing and I think. . CAMERON I'd rather not have my family break apart. CAMERON So. forget it.

HIS POV His fingers runs down to a party of three for 12:00. It's noon. ANNOUNCER Commodity prices rose sharply today in unusually heavy trading. I'm Abe Frohman. Sloane and Cameron are standing in the restaurant. He yells at the top of his voice. FERRIS BUY! And he exits.. MAITRE'D (to Ferris) May I help you? FERRIS Yes. TRADING FLOOR 118 It explodes with activity in response to Ferris' shout. RESTAURANT Ferris. Party of three for 12:00. Ferris hangs back a moment. He ignores her. 120 119 . I'm very busy right now.They stand up and head out. The maitre'd looks at Ferris curiously. He cups his hands to his mouth. MAITRE'D (chuckles) I'm sorry. 120 INT.. If you have trouble finding the door. We HEAR A RADIO ANNOUNCER. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. Cool and casual. son. 119 EXT. FERRIS Is there a problem? MAITRE'D You're Abe Frohman? FERRIS I'm Abe Frohman. Sloane tugs Ferris' sleeve. INT. RESTAURANT A French restaurant on the Gold Coast. 118 INT. RESTAURANT The maitre'd returns... Ferris is looking at the maitre 'd's reservations book.

Abe.. INT. RESTAURANT. INT. Sloane and Cameron are seated in the restaurant. Ferris waves him off angrily. (grabs the phone) . FERRIS Ask for Abe Frohman. (to the Maitre'd) Call the police. A beat and the restaurant's second line lights up and the phone rings.. FERRIS Not a chance in the world. Sloane grits her teeth.. LATER Ferris.FERRIS Are you suggesting that I'm not who I say I am? MAITRE'D Shall I call the police? CAMERON Let's go. MAITRE'D I appreciate your understanding. please? SLOANE Cameron's right. PHONE Ferris punches out a number. FERRIS You touch me and I yell "rat!" There's another phone around here. Go ahead. let's split. RESTAURANT The maitre'd motions for the phone so that he can answer the call. CU... The maitre'd is hovering over Ferris. Cameron chokes. The maitre'd smiles smuggly. Better yet. Find it.I'll call myself. FERRIS I'm not going anywhere. . The maitre'd backs off. We're gonna get busted. He hands the phone to Sloane.. CAMERON Ferris.

FERRIS Cameron. FERRIS And you thought we wouldn't have any fun. dear friend? Cameron looks to Ferris. today I'm the hammer. but I had a wonderful teacher. FERRIS Thank you. FRIEND Why? What's the point? JEANIE Why? Because I'm sick of the little dope. He manipulates my parents. FERRIS Darling. JEANIE (mean. JEANIE (VO) Ferris Bueller's days are numbered. Ferris smiles. 121 EXT. 122 INT. SCHOOL We HEAR HALLWAY SOUNDS AND JEANIE. vicious) I'm gonna bust his buns. you were wonderful. She yanks angrily on the velcro strap on her sneakers. Sloane is impressed. he does whatever he wants. GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM Jeanie's sitting on a bench in a field hockey uniform. (wicked pause) Well. SLOANE Oh. Cameron is flushed with nerves.FERRIS Don't grovel. babe. Just leave us to our repast and all will be forgotten. The straps rip off in her hand. The maitre'd backs away. Shame on you. MAITRE'D Enjoy your luncheon. She's talking to a FRIEND. Ferris disappears behind his menu. whenever he wants and he never gets nailed. Charles. 122 121 .

He's not charming. Just forget it. decent person should be and you know what? FRIEND Everybody thinks you're an asshole. wags her head. JEANIE Let me tell you something. JEANIE Forget that everybody thinks I'm an . He's an ignorant mule and the sooner everybody in this school comes to that realization the better off we'll all be. I try to be everything a good. Who else? FRIEND I don't know. JEANIE Rachel's a dirt bag.FRIEND I think he's cute. I'm polite. I get pissed off and this is what happens! Jeanie tosses the straps on the floor. Jeanie freezes with her next sentence pinned to her tongue. I'm considerate. She displays the velcro straps to her friend. I work hard. JEANIE Sweetie. He's not a wonderful person. JEANIE Who does? Her friend smiles sheepishly. you sympathize with him. JEANIE Excuse me? FRIEND I don't think you're an asshole. I'm friendly and fair to all kinds of people. it's an established fact that you have no taste. Ferris is not cute. I study hard. Except morons. He's not nice. JEANIE See? My brother strokes you. JEANIE Rachel? Jeanie's friend shrugs. does everything but verbally confirm.

Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief. JEANIE Alright. hey. JEANIE Would everybody be happier if maybe I were to die in a flaming car accident or something? FRIEND Maybe if you didn't cat like and asshole.O. That's exciting.asshole? Would you like everybody to think you're an asshole? FRIEND Not everybody thinks you're an asshole. JEANIE I this a conspiracy to shit all over me or something? Is my brother behind this? Tell me if he is or I'll sock your tits. Mr. FRIEND You really do have a problem. JEANIE (yells after her) If it means anything to you. GODDAMN IT! . Rooney likes you.. JEANIE Me? I have a problem? FRIEND Somebody who threatens to sock people's tits has a problem. I have my period! MY BODY'S RIDDING ITSELF OF OLD EGGS. Jeanie. A fat fifty year old clod with B. JEANIE Oh. Jeanie. likes me. Her friend exits. JEANIE Am I acting like an asshole? FRIEND I didn't mean it that way. How about if I sock your face? Jeanie's friend gets up.. FRIEND Take a walk.

CHEZ PAUL Ferris is standing at the urinal. He's monkey meat. and I must be honest here. FERRIS When they go after each other. He wasn't lying. Another beat and Tom walks out of the stall. Even when I'm there. MEN'S ROOM. A toilet flushes. you couldn't pry his buns apart with a crowbar. Then I met Cameron and I saw how his family functioned. Cameron tightens up. JEANIE He's gone. 123 INT. It really upsets him. He looks down at the urinal. Basically. Plus. (continues) I used to think that my family was the only one that had weirdness in it. FERRIS Cameron's home life is really shit. FERRIS She's a person who views life as an ordeal that must be endured. It used to worry me. Is there anything worse than being at somebody's house when their parents are fighting? It's the absolute height of social discomfort. FERRIS I wonder if everybody shoots at cigarette butts in urinals? Probably not many women. The thing with taking his old man's car? It's good for him. That's why he's sick all the time. He checks his hair in the mirror. He exists the men's room. He crosses to 123 . It teaches him to deal with his fear.She snarls and slumps against the lockers. the family's pretty cool. He zips this trousers and steps away from the urinal. He's over. I don't know where she gets this shit. I highly recommend picking one up. I love driving it. His parents fight all the time. We hold a beat. He gets so wadded-up. Her body is a transport vehicle for her anger. What he said about his parents hating each other? I refuse to sleep over at his house. It's scary.

He takes a bite. He puts his napkin in his lap and smells his plate. Ferris slides over to the table and drops into his seat. FERRIS Good? Sloane and Cameron shrug. Cameron and Sloane try theirs. I don't speak French. FERRIS What are you doing? Cameron looks at Ferris. It's not bad. 124 INT. FERRIS I think it's a land-based beefoid creature. CAMERON What is it? SLOANE I don't know. CAMERON What is this shit? FERRIS You got me. 124 . But it looks like it's already been eaten and digested. CAMERON I knew it was a mistake letting Ferris order for us. A WAITER passes. FERRIS Splendid. He savors the taste. FERRIS Yo.the sink. They chew tentatively. RESTAURANT Cameron and Sloane have been served their lunches. They're staring at the plates. Ferris stops him. CAMERON Really? FERRIS Superb. Clouseau! The waiter stops and looks at Ferris indignantly.

CU. Could you tell me what we ordered here? The waiter glances at the plates. CU. RESTAURANT Tom and his two GUESTS are standing at the curb. WAITER Sweetbreads. FERRIS He watches Sloane and Cameron then glances at the waiter.That secretes a thick.FERRIS I have a growth on my brain that causes memory lapses.. And what might that be? WAITER Pancreas. CU. He raises a finger. knowing that he's spoiling the kids' meal. WAITER He turns away as Sloane and Cameron spit out their food. They're holding their sweetbreads in their mouths. SLOANE AND CAMERON They stop chewing. huh. He looks to Cameron and Sloane. FERRIS Uh. please! 125 EXT. A 125 . SLOANE AND CAMERON They look at each other. FERRIS He continues his questioning. colorless fluid containing digestive enzymes? The home of the world famous isles of Langerhans? CU. holds it a beat and gives a cue. WAITER He nods broadly. FERRIS Check. FERRIS He pats his mouth with his napkin.. CU. talking. FERRIS . CU. FERRIS As in the gland that has important functions in digestion and metabolism? CU.

INT. Behind the backs of the men. Ferris stops cold. Sloane. Cameron. They approach the cab. Ferris. CU. CAMERON They turns on cue at Tom. Tom's back it to Ferris. MUSEUM. 127 126 . now in the B. MUSEUM. round incubator. In the B. turns toward the restaurant. CAB Ferris slams the door. EXT. 126 EXT. RESTAURANT Tom and his guests watch in bewilderment at their cab takes off. MUSIC COMES UP. MUSEUM OR SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY The grand old Chicago museum. CAB DOOR HANDLE A man's hand reaches for the handle as the cab pulls away. INT. Sloane and Cameron turn slowly. Sloane and Cameron slowly approach the cab.G. SLOANE. Among the second graders are Ferris. The bold survive. CAMERON We're gonna get nabbed.. FLOOR A class of kids walking along holding hands. INT. STREET. Sloane and Cameron come out of the restaurant.G. EXT. FERRIS No way. MUSEUM. OVERHEAD SHOT The main gallery is crowded with school kids. for sure.cab is waiting. Only the meek get nabbed. FERRIS 40. The Ferris hops the cab. Let's go.000 restaurants in the downtown area and I pick the one my father goes to. The door's open. holding hands looking like giant grade schoolers. Sloane and Cameron. Ferris. DISPLAY CASE Baby chicks are hatching in a huge. He turns to the cab. FERRIS. Cameron dashes in. Ferris scoots Sloane into the cab. CAB Tom and his party are still jawing at curbside. 127 INT.

FERRIS. green swath of water. He checks to see if he's being watched then he presses a button and pulls a lever. SLOANE (remorsefully) I wonder if he has a name? FERRIS (blank) Ninth Month. Ferris and Sloane are making out. feigning a massive heart attack. CU. INT. A boat is rolling up the man-made canyon. The ninth month. INT. A tiny human being in a jar. clutching his heart. INT. MUSEUM. looking down the fetid. GERMAN U-BOAT Ferris is examining the controls of the captured U-Boat. Ferris staggers out of it. COAL MINE Sloane. Ferris and Cameron ride in the coal train in the coal mine replica. we've won our freedom. HIGH SHOT From the Merchandise Mart. 128 EXT. PROPELLER For the first time in forty years. Cameron's stomach is in his throat. CU. INDUSTRIAL DISPLAY Sloane operates a metal press to produce a tin ashtray. CAMERON Sloane wants to cry. the screw turns. The MUSIC ENDS. CHICAGO RIVER. walk-thru replica of a human heart.Ferris and Cameron are intently watching the process. CAMERON (VO) Are you guys worried about nuclear war? FERRIS (VO) Cameron. CU. INT. SLOANE. HEART REPLICA A giant. MUSEUM. HUMAN FETUS IN A BOTTLE The famous stages of life display which features bottled fetuses. MUSEUM. LONG. we're traveling down one of American's most scenic polluted waterways and you have to bring up nuclear war? SLOANE (VO) 128 . Ferris is lost in thought. it's a beautiful day.

. All the old hippies are full of shit. BOAT DOCK The three are sitting on the aft deck of the tour boat. however. It's with us every day. FERRIS They used to have Viet Nam. you know.. SLOANE My step-father's always going off about how when he was young he was committed to all these causes. that college starts in the fall. We do know. very relaxed. Very casual. They used to have the oil crisis stuff and Iran. That's over and people have to have their big issue. SLOANE (VO) Yeah. FERRIS (VO) We don't know when the bombs going off. The boat makes the turn in the river and CLEARS FRAME. it's real cold and the skiing's for shit. Discussing the end of the world. The possiblity of global destruction. EXT. deadly serious) Do you know what a nuclear winter is? Long beat. . It's not like somebody came up with the nuclear holocaust yesterday at noon. CAMERON (VO) Regardless. I'm not worried about it at all.No. Their feet are up on the railing. Everybody's dead. CAMERON (VO) (dramatic. SLOANE (VO) To answer your question. Cam. have some major problem that puts all their little bullshit into some kind of persepective? CAMERON (VO) Maybe.It is kind of raggy subject. SLOANE (VO) Don't you think it's an issue because people need something to worry about? They have to like. FERRIS He's full of shit.

this is all very interesting but I'm starving. SLOANE. FERRIS. CAMERON It's human nature to like what you had better than what you have. FERRIS One of the most frightening experiences of my young life has been observing my parents and our neighbors playing the Baby Boom Edition of Trivial Pursuits. FERRIS Lean over and grab a fish. CAMERON I feel better now.. LOUDSPEAKER. A loud speaker on the boat identifies a point of interest. LOUDSPEAKER TO YOUR LEFT IT THE WORLD'S TALLEST BUILDING. CAMERON You know. FERRIS What's he care about now? SLOANE Baldness. CAMERON The Sears Tower.. fatty meats and money. Cameron looks over the side of the boat. FERRIS I rest my case. An obtuse thought flashes through Sloane's brain. They took over when they were young and they never gave it up. It's chilling to see people crazed with the minutia of their past. FERRIS An hour ago you wanted to yack. The three look to the left. SLOANE Agreed. CAMERON What's spooky is they still control everything.SLOANE He says I don't care about things like he did. .

SECRETARY Hello. Who's bothering you now? Jeanie scowls at her.. Can I help you? JEANIE (condescending) I seriously doubt it. She slips into the Dean's outer office. His cavalier attitude will get him into trouble later in life. CU.SLOANE What comes after a nuclear winter? FERRIS Nuclear spring. Jeanie.. Screw him. In his mind he is Dirty Harry..but it's for his own good. Jeanie walks in. CU.. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE Jeanie is having a small moral debate with herself. 130 INT. he's out. SCHOOL Meanwhile. FIRE HYDRANT .. 129 EXT. CURB 132 131 130 129 A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops. JEANIE Is Dean Rooney in? SECRETARY I'm sorry.and it'll continue to piss me off and I'll get so wadded-up that it'll cause cervex cancer and he'll ruin my life. 132 EXT. When's he back? SECRETARY I don't know. Slide across to the sidewalk. The secretary looks up and greets her with a weary smile. He left the grounds on personal business. 131 INT.. Rooney peels off his shades and looks around like he's Dirty Harry. Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his bile-green LeBaron. STREET. JEANIE It's reprehensible to squeal on your own flesh and blood. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE Rooney's secretary is behind her desk.

CU. GIRL 133 . ROONEY He suspects it's Ferris. suburban businessmen. It look sort of like Ferris. It's a GIRL. ROONEY The blood evacuates his face. The player looks up. ROONEY He's still staring. Rooney pushes his way in and scopes the crowd. CU. ROONEY (OC) I've been waiting a long time for this. HOT DOG STAND It's jammed with construction workers. The player turns around. She raises it. CU. CU. ROONEY He squints CU. He can't think of anything to say. ROONEY (OC) Your ass is mine. GIRL Holding the straw in the mouth. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD MOVE IN on the player. EXT. She puts the straw to her lips and sucks. He stares at the girl.Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. 133 INT. STREET Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy hot dog joint. GIRL She stares at him. CU. He smiles and cuts into the crowd. secretaries. pointing it directly in Rooney's face. She picks up her Coke. CU. CU. she draws it out of the cup. It's loud and confusing. He ties his lace and pulls up his sock. HIS POV A young person is playing a video game in a far corner.

The TV camera returns to the game. CU. Rooney wads up the napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. SLOANE Can we leave now? FERRIS You want to leave? We just got here. you broke your thumb. Rooney wipes his suit off. FERRIS I think I broke my thumb. She looks at them with disgust. The TV camera zooms in on the boy triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. Rooney nods and exits. He shakes his stinging paw. SLOANE No wonder you're always sick. HOT DOG STAND. what's left to do? Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. Cameron's scarfing nachos. Rooney glances at the screen. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. WRIGLEY FIELD. Behind him is the kitchen and a grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game. NAPKIN HOLDER A hand yanks a napkin hold. SERVICE COUNTER Rooney wipes his face. The TV camera follows the ball into the stands. He does a little celebration dance. SLOANE You got a call. It's Ferris. Ferris leans back. ROONEY What's the score? HOT DOG MAN Zero to zero. 134 . There's a long foul ball. A kid makes a stab at the ball. puts his hands behind his head and turns his face to the bright sun. 134 EXT. INT. STANDS Ferris sits down with the baseball.She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face. ROONEY Who's winning? HOT DOG MAN Cubs.

. She sneaks a glance at the school. Figure skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines on pavement. FLOAT Riding atop on a float is Ferris. He's waving to the crowd.. Cameron breaks a smile. He's leading the girls in singing. Selfish little moron.. Floats and politicians...want.water. STATE STREET. SLOANE Do you believe in reincarnation? CAMERON Huh? . HIGH SCHOOL. A blue Fiat pulls into the shot. SLOANE AND CAMERON They're watching Ferris go by. CAMERON Stop. STATE STREET 137 136 135 A parade is underway.. 136 INT. school kids. They wave to him. STATE STREET. PLAYING FIELD A boy's gym class is doing laps. buddy.FERRIS Do you realize that if I played by the rules. She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot. Marching bands. "DANKE SHOEN". It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY. drum and bugle corps. Cameron mumbles a few words. CAMERON It's hard not to. he has to admire Ferris for his lack of inhabitions. I'm gonna get you. soldiers. JEANIE I can't believe my brother's making me put myself in a position where I could get expelled. As worried as he is about the day and getting caught. FIAT Jeanie's at the wheel. SLOANE I love him. right now I'd be in gym? 135 EXT. He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens. (pause) Ferris? You're overshadowed me long enough. 137 EXT. EXT. EXT.

SLOANE I think if he was anybody. CAMERON I was a tractor tire. SLOANE From the A-Team? CAMERON No. SLOANE I could see him ignoring popular belief and taking off on some impossible mission. the guy who went around the world. STATE STREET Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation. shaking hands with people in the crowd. CAMERON What were you in a previous life? SLOANE I'm not sure but I think I know who Ferris was. They step out of the crowd and head down the street in the direction the parade's heading. reaching down from the float. CAMERON Hannibal. Sort of. SLOANE DO you ever wonder what you were? CAMERON I don't have to wonder. FERRIS Guten tag. Sloane looks at him with amazement. EXT. dude! EXT. STATE STREET. Cameron nods. . Sloane laughs at herself. he was Magellan. You know. I know. The guy who rode the elephants into Switzerland. FLOAT Ferris is on his knees.SLOANE Do you believe that you lived before? CAMERON Yeah.

SLOANE AND CAMERON They continue their conversation. BABY ON! COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT! GIRLS WORK IT ON OUT! EXT. but to do what? . but it's an option. Ferris can do anything. SLOANE The future's worse for a boy. COME ON. SLOANE True. SLOANE College. SHAKE IT UP. FLOAT Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian. parents. SLOANE A girl can always bail out and have a baby and get some guy to support her. STATE STREET. STREET.CAMERON Yeah. the future. EXT. BABY. I can't handle anything. CAMERON Yeah. everything works for him. BABY FERRIS TWIST AND SHOUT! GIRLS TWIST AND SHOUT! FERRIS COME ON. School. COME ON. CAMERON I don't know what I'm gonna do. FERRIS WELL. There's nothing he can't handle. No options is worse. The girls on the float are singing. As long as I've known him. NOW! GIRLS SHAKE IT UP. isn't it? Cameron doesn't understand what she means. CAMERON That's a pretty grim thought.

STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along. MARCHING BAND They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT. PUNKS A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk. STREET. They walk on for a few beats. EXT. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER He singing along. STREET. CHOIR GROUP . CAMERON What do you think Ferris is gonna do? EXT. STREET. It's infecting the entire parade. BLACK TEENAGER He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat.SLOANE What are you interested in? CAMERON Nothing. SLOANE Me either. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER He's singing. PUNKS LOOK SO GOOD! EXT. STATE STREET. The sons is taking over all the other tunes in the band. POLICE OFFICER YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD! EXT. WOMAN YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE! TODDLERS LOOK SO FINE! EXT. STREET. STREET. TEENAGER COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT. NEWSPAPER SELLER TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT. We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT" GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER.

Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. SLO-MO.. CLERGYMEN AH! EXT. STREET. VETERANS Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms. VIEWING STAND The CLERGYMEN stand. DECK The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT". STREET. WIDE AND HIGH The entire parade is at frenzy pitch. STREET. Suddenly. 138 EXT. CHOIR AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! EXT.. POLITICIANS AND WIVES AH! EXT. The Starship Ferrari. PARADE AHHHHH! The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE. STREET. EXT. STREET. STREET. Grim. They're singing in their angleic voices. VETERANS AH! EXT. Like the opening shot in Star Wars. FLOAT Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale. STREET CLEANERS KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! EXT.They're marching down the parade. STREET. STREET CLEANERS With their brooms ready. FERRIS AH! EXT. gritty waterfront. 138 . CALUMET CITY The Port of Chicago. VIEWING STAND The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up.

RASTAMAN His eyes are closed. CU. KIDS They're looking up in the air. 139 CU. tongue out. COMPUTER It acknowledges the doorbell. Big smile. The doorbell rings. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. I could take a nasty spill down the 142 141 140 139 . ROONEY This is Ed Rooney. FERRIS' HOUSE Rooney gets out of his car. HOUSE. HOUSE. EXT. FOYER Rooney's at the front door. 140 INT. FERRIS Who is it? Rooney presses the intercom. following the car as it flies over them. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. SLO-MO. He looks at the house. The car's shadow passes over them. 142 EXT. FRONT PORCH The house intercom activates. SLO-MO. Broad. We see him peek in a window at the top of the door. then crosses to Ferris' house. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE.CU. 141 INT. HOUSE. SLO-MO. EXT. STREETS. CAR GRILLE It fills the frame and stops. CU. Mouth open. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney behind the wheel of his car. excited smiles. CU. CASSETTE PLAYER It clicks on. looks up and down the street. SLO-MO. Maniac at the wheel. Ferris. PARKING ATTENDANT His eyes are wide with exhilaration. I'd like to have a word with you. FERRIS' ROOM.

There's no response. 144 143 . We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside. ROONEY B. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day. 143 INT. KITCHEN Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window. FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording. HOUSE.stairs and subject myself to further school absenses. 144 INT. There's a pause. FERRIS' VOICE You can reach my parents at their places of business. ROONEY I'm not leaving until you come down and talk to me. ROONEY I'm not leaving. Rooney leans back from the door. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition. Come down here. It will be remembered long after this illness has past.S.. The pre-recorded litany starts over. Rooney presses the intercom again. LIVING ROOM Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows. Rooney presses the intercom. FERRIS' VOICE You may reach my parents at their places of business. His voice clicks off.. Rooney presses the intercom again. Rooney rings the doorbell again. But's it's highly suspicious. Ferris. He can't quite figure out what's going on. ROONEY Don't get smart with me Ferris! FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. HOUSE. Thank you for stopping by.

SLOANE Ferris. one goes the other. 146 CU. FERRIS You don't think it's amazing that we got in? SLOANE Who wants to get in? FERRIS Cameron looks like a toddler. I'm losing respect for you by the bucket.. He lifts the doggie door and peeks in the house. HIS POV Along the kitchen floor. BACKDOOR A black rubber doggie door. FERRIS Have a nice day.. EXT. FERRIS AND SLOANE They're sitting in a booth in the garish. this is nauseating me. Sloane is embarrassed and revolted. I'm talking about 146 145 . We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL. 145 EXT. into the dining room. He hears the dog. Through the kitchen. ROONEY He's peaking through the door. nearly deserted strip joint. for Christ's sake. CU. CAMERON How does she do that? One goes one way. Rooney is crouched down. CU. Really. Cameron's mouth is open in amazement. The type that allows a dog to come and go as it pleases. LARGE BREASTS Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers. It will be remembered long after. HOUSE. His face freezes. FERRIS She's probably schizophrenic. HOUSE. CAMERON. DOGGIE DOOR A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of gnashing teeth and foam.FERRIS' VOICE I appreciate your conern for my well-being.

I've never known. But I'd rather go on hearing your lies than to go on living without you. He climbs up on the little runway. He flips his collar up. A sappy. And why. Fate had me playing in love. We think about love and matters of the heart. I'm a romantic. I loved you at first glance. You read your lines so cleverly and never missed a cue. FERRIS You know. A boyfriend. But that's not true. Act one was when we met.. The club lights go down. FERRIS Point well taken. You acted strange. (to CAMERA) This kind of thing makes me a little depressed. A lover.. with you as my sweetheart. you lies when you said you loved me and I had no cause to doubt you. the stage is bare and I'm standing there with emptiness all around and if you won't . SLOANE I'm not a tramp. A child.a major achievement in false identification. I think alot of people my age are. It's a terrible thing. Maybe she lost somebody. Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness. He strolls slowly through the empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of blue light. That sex is all I think about. A parent. You may think because I'm the age I am that I'm a sex maniac. And SAT scores and acne aside. we worry about lonliness. You seemed to change. Why she does it and you don't. I feel it. But consider why she does it. And we feel it. Now. Ferris stands up from the booth. FERRIS Honey. FERRIS Maybe her life fell apart. someone said the world's a stage and each must play a part. do-wop track FADES UP. SLOANE I'm not interested in watching someone jiggle their mammary glands. Then came act two. curls his lip and affects an Elvis impression. The stripper disappears in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight.

CU. 149 EXT... dramatic florish that was the King's trademark ballad sign-off. JEANIE I'm gonna microwave his nuts. The orignal recording. He's studying it. ATTENDANT You looking for something in my car? CU. no. Her mouth's open. Like the King would. 147 EXT. 148 EXT. JEANIE She's furious. FERRIS' TOWN. TAXI CAB 150 149 148 147 at the car. It leans into the open car and see if the contents will confirm looks up slowly. .. MICHIGAN AVENUE Afternoon traffic. He reaches for the glovebox to if it's his. He freezes. CAMERON'S CAR Cameron's father is looking looks terribly familiar. She's shaking her head slowly. Ferris lip synchs with the big. DOWNTOWN STREET.SAVE FERRIS BUELLER. ELVIS IS YOUR HEART FILLED WITH PAIN? SHALL I COME BACK AGAIN? TELL ME DEAR. HER POV Spray-painted on the town water tower in gigantic black letters -. He HIS POV The Attendant and the Rastaman are glowering at him. JEANIE Jeanie's standing at her car. Elvis fades up. then they can bring the curtain down.come back to me. ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? Ferris drops his head. They're holding bags of fried chicken. CAMERON'S FATHER He shakes his head. She's staring incredulously into the distance.. 150 INT. CAMERON'S FATHER No.

Ferris is on one window. Sloane and Cameron in the backseat of a checker. Sloane's in the middle. but it means my ass. what'd you see today? Cameron looks at him. Ferris. FERRIS That hurts. FERRIS So.. FERRIS You saw four states. Ferris sits back. I have to get the car home. a giant heart. a submarine. SLOANE Jump back. Cameron on the other..Ferris. I know you don't care. how long have you been in America? DRIVER One year. He leans forward and reads the driver's name off the city license. Ferris. FERRIS You think I don't care? CAMERON I know you don't care. FERRIS So. seventy five dollars . FERRIS Cameron. Cameron's been a good sport. He puts his arm around Sloane. Ferris is talking to the DRIVER. CAMERON It's getting late. FERRIS Better than Russia? DRIVER Much better here than in Russia. Yuri. FERRIS What's your overall impression? DRIVER It's very good here. Cameron. FERRIS Clearly you've never been to an American high school.

He's frozen. Cameron and Ferris are on the floor. FERRIS What?! Sloane bursts out laughing. Turns back to CAMERA. (quizical look) Are you gonna chuck your nachos? Cameron's staring past Ferris. He looks away. two of the most incredible breasts ever to come out of modern plastics. He freezes. She makes a .. major league baseball and. TOM'S POV Ferris' frozen face. In that cab is Tom. He pauses. with their backs to the back of the front seat. He turns. HIS POV In the gridlock traffic. feet up on the seat. CAB. HER POV Tom stares at her. He's baffled. Looks up. Thinks. On their asses. their cab is squeezed tight alongside another cab. FLOOR. Fakes a yawn. looking bored.worth of cooked pancreas. SLOANE Roast! She licks her finger and touches Ferris knee.. TOM'S POV Sloane is sitting where Ferris was. Ferris realizes he's looking at something out the window. He's about a foot from Ferris. He turns and looks right into CAMERA. FERRIS' POV Tom glances back at his paper. FERRIS (to Sloane) What's he doing? SLOANE (revolted) He's looking at me and he's licking the glass and making obscene gestures with his hands. She's wearing sunglasses. INT. She turns and glances out the window.

His suit pants are torn from the crotch to the knee. He's looking in at the dog. She's jogging to keep up. ROONEY That's a $28. CITY STREET Ferris is leading the way down Michigan Avenue. CAMERON Money. The delivery man hops up on the steps. DOG The Rottweiler's chewing on a shoe.. BACKYARD. 154 EXT. you worthless mutt! HIS POV The Rottweiler leaps at CAMERA. CU. He's missing a shoe. 151 EXT.sizzling sound. 153 EXT.. We see on the back of the paper a small story with the headline: COMMUNITY RALLIES AROUND SICK YOUTH. Tearing it apart. HOUSE.tits.... mumbling again. HOUSE. She collapes on the seat in hysterics. FERRIS' HOUSE. ROONEY He's standing outside the fence.please. PORCH Rooney's sitting on the porch patting a bloody knee with his handkerchief. His hair's messed and there're grass-stains on his knees and elbows. 152 EXT. FRONT A florist truck pulls up in front of the house. He keeps bumping into people. Ferris and Sloane make the turn at Wacker Driver and disappear into the Stone Container Building. TOM He can't quite figure out what's going on. TOM'S CAB Tom's looking into Ferris' cab. He heads up to the house. INT. Rooney looks up at him. He has Sloane by the hand. BACKYARD. Cameron follows. He greets Rooney cheerily. He's hustling through the crowd.. He turns and slowly raises his newspaper over his face. A DELIVERY MAN gets out iwth a huge floral arrangement. HIS POV Sloane's bouncing up and down.00 dress shoe. His suit coat pocket is torn off. EXT. 154 153 152 151 . Cameron's a few steps behind.

. I have a delivery. But my boss had to send to Milwaukee to get more orchids. Rooney is flabbergasted.. He's very popular. DELIVERY MAN As I heard it from our mailman he was supposedly born with only half a kidney.. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day. I'm very ill and I'm afraid. FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? The Deliver Man presses the intercom.that in my weakened condition. Thank you for stopping by. asshole.. ROONEY What? FERRIS' VOICE . DELIVERY MAN . I could take a nasty spill and subject myself to further school absenses. DELIVERY MAN Focus on Flowers. DELIVERY MAN (to the intercom) Thank you. (continues) I don't know the details.. (pause) You can reach my parents at their places of business. I appreciate your concern for my wellbeing. DELIVERY MAN Nobody's home here? ROONEY No. A beat and we hear Ferris' recording. DELIVERY MAN Little bugger's dying. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry but I can't come to the door right now.. DELIVERY MAN What's your problem? ROONEY He's one of my students. It will be remembered long after this illness has passed. ROONEY It's a recording.DELIVERY MAN Howdy! He presses the doorbell.

We hear her car radio. I guess there's hope for the human race afterall.J. FERRIS' HOUSE Jeanie's car pull in the driveway. is sitting behind his microphone. I don't know who that was or what they were playing but I apologize for it nonetheless. FERRIS 157 156 155 . FERRIS He put his headphones on. DELIVERY MAN (happy sigh) It really touches me that so many people are rallying behind this guy.. D. Then he looks at the Delivery Man. RADIO STATION STUDIO The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D.J.J.You gonna be around for awhile? ROONEY I imagine so. His name is Ferris Mueller. ROONEY (defeated) Oh. 156 INT. He opens the attached card. DELIVERY MAN You wanna keep an eye on these? Rooney looks at the flowers. FACULTY AND STAFF 155 INT. CARD It's signed: ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY THE ENGLISH DEPT. (pause) I have a guest with me today. CU. He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck. Rooney looks incredulously at the arrangement. STUDIO.. DELIVERY MAN Gotta run. Christ. D... He hands the arrangement to Rooney. 157 EXT.

I have what I consider to be an excellent broadcast voice. Anyway. I practise it in the bathroom all the time.. it's always been a dream of mine to be on the radio. JEANIE She goes into shock. Sorry about that. INT. D. STUDIO Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone. Ferris turns to CAMERA.. I'm in a very pleasant groove right now. D. SCHOOL A group of kids are sitting around a blaster.. This is a 50. FERRIS' VOICE .Bueller. Unlike television which provides the images. affects a "radio" voice) Well.. 159 INT. FERRIS It's cool. It's going to by very thick and very steamy. 158 INT..J. CU.000 watt outlet. CAR. you and your listeners are probably not going to believe this but. Ferris Bueller. I used to play records and do introductions to them. Steve. Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio. it challenges the imagination.. He has an incredible story. speaks into the mike.I'm the first Chicago area youth 159 158 . Her eyes blink. her head cocks. CAR ANTENNA The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in the air. (pause) You know this. But I've never had the chance to sit behind a microphone and try it out for real. (clears his voice.J. FERRIS I'm going to tell a massive lie here. radio. I think radio's a facinating medium. I'm going out to several million people so let me just say.

which was not in any way. Heller's home number but is cost too much. 162 EXT. They're cheering him on. FERRIS I was going to say I knew Springsteen's home phone number and I was going to give out the number of the New Jersey State Police but I thought I might get busted. shape or from my fault. I'm so used to getting in a car and lighting up. HALLWAY A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster. BACKYARD 162 161 160 The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn. But I had to work at Burger King to get the cash to pay for the driver's ed. But I can't prove it? I'm in high school. How did you get picked for this. Heller looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny out of my nose or something and I realized what the hell I was doing and I went to put it out and hit the mail box.J. pulled out of the lot. D. SCHOOL. The broken pieces are all around the dog's head. It was weird. I was so pissed off at her reaction to the whole thing that I considered running an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna use Mrs. ROONEY . STUDIO Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA. 161 INT. BACKYARD. EXT. like I was told. I took it again and passed. After I got flunked in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail box. lit up a 'boro and Mrs. The flower arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog. car and spaced completely. FERRIS' HOUSE. remember? He turns back to the DJ.to be selected to participate in a space shuttle mission. because I'm not allowed to smoke at home. car. that I got in the driver's ed. FERRIS It's kind of a long story but I've been doing alot of programming for NASA. I was putting out a cigarette. The car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and I think Rooney pocketed the cash. FERRIS HOUSE. Anyway. 160 INT.

. She's startled by a noise downstairs. HOUSE. FOYER Rooney sneaks into the house. He looks around the foyer and heads into the kitchen. 166 INT. He hears something in the house. She dials a number. Do you know where she is? Do you know when she'll be back? Do you know anything? She slams the phone down. 164 EXT. He's back and she's going to nail him. HOUSE. The yardstick flings the covers and the pillows beneath them in the air. JEANIE I knew it! She grabs the phone and sits down. HIS POV A glimpse of a fleeting figure. JEANIE The worm has luck like clams have body odor. A smile spreads across her face. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie kicks the door open. She stomps in and turns off the snoring synthesizer. The front door's open. HOUSE. 167 166 165 164 163 . He slinks up on the porch. ROONEY His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge. ROONEY Sleep tight. 167 INT. Bueller there? Where is she? This is her daughter. JEANIE Is Mrs. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs. His head snaps around. 163 INT. CU.. HOUSE.He's smiling with great satisfaction. 165 INT. He peeks in. FRONT Rooney sneaks around the side of the house. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. pooch. He drops down and peek in the windows.

He hits the deck. 170 171 INT. FOYER Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen. 168 169 INT. 171 172 INT. She flees back up the stairs. VOICE Can you stay around and take a few phone calls? FERRIS' VOICE I'd really like to but I have a kidney operation in about an hour.168 INT. you can really have something to be proud of. KITCHEN Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den. CAR Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the car. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an intruder. EXT. 173 INT. JOYCE If you're willing to commit a little time and a little money to this place. 169 170 INT.J. 173 . CAR Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to the radio. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in the face. Jeanie squeals in horror. CAR Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear. EXT. HOUSE. CAR Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house. HOUSE. I'm pretty flattered. back into the kitchen. D. He crosses back toward the foyer. KITCHEN Rooney comes out of the den. INT. HOUSE. FOYER Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer. FERRIS' VOICE My input on the Star Wars defense plan was pretty substantial so I guess this is their way of rewarding me. KITCHEN 172 Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face.

She opens the car door. I think you'd like him. Ferris Bueller. JOYCE (to the kid) Well. VOICE A very interesting guy. The clients get in the other side. CAR The door opens. BOYD How do you watch your mouth? JOYCE Do you know my son? . FERRIS' VOICE Thanks. MOTHER Watch your mouth. INT. JOYCE His name is Ferris. D. JOYCE Did I tell you I have a son your age? BOYD Twice. how are you bearing up? The kid stares at her. JOYCE Not that I know of.Don't let the black living room throw you off. Joyce gets in. VOICE I wish you the best of luck. BOYD Is he going up in the space shuttle in September? Joyce looks around at Boyd. BOYD I knew he was bullshitting. Boyd.J. She gives him a curious look. D. Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name. A song starts. Steve.J.

Jeanie's face drops. Rooney stiffens with fear. I'd like you to know that I have just called the police. There's another pause. If you have any brains whatsoever. JEANIE It's real nice that you hope my brother's feeling better but I'm in danger. JEANIE'S VOICE Excuse me. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. If whoever's in the house is still in the house. certainly weird. in our kitchen. JEANIE'S VOICE I'd also like to add that I have my father's gun. It's parked in front of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with parking citations. I'm very alone and I'm very protective of my body. 177 EXT. We HEAR TIRES 177 176 175 174 . BOYD I don't think it's cute. There's an intruder. The intercom goes on. And a scorching case of herpes. Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car. 176 EXT. He thinks it's cute to bait adults. STREET Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck.FATHER Don't pay any attention to him. I need help! 175 INT. In the distance SIRENS WAIL. male caucasian. She's in a panic. 174 INT. I'd rather not have it violated or killed. (pause) My name is Bueller. okay? I'm very cute. KITCHEN Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel. you'll get your ass out of my house real quick. possibly armed. PARKING LOT The three are waiting for the Ferrari. JEANIE This is not a phoeny phone call. I think it's fun.

Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in. DOWNTOWN STREET The Ferrari cruises through traffic.SQUEALING. SLOANE What's next. FERRIS Stunning! He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the passenger seat forward for Cameron. He glances down at the speedometer. Then the Ferrari pulls down the ramp and jams to a frightening stop. CAMERON Very funny. FERRIS This is probably the last time you'll have to ride back here. And back to the speedometer. AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. A BLACK GUY jumps out. Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes. what was your top speed coming down the ramp? BLACK GUY (matter-of-fact) About 60. then to the road. FERRIS We have enough cash left for a quick flight to Peoria and back. Keep that in mind. 178 EXT. INT. Ferris is driving and Cameron is crammed in the back. SLOANE We could go to my house. FERRARI Sloane's in the passenger seat. FERRIS Cameron? How many miles did you say this thing had when we left? CAMERON 178 . FERRIS Just out of curiosity. We return the car. CAMERON Nothing. My parents aren't coming home until late. Ferris hands him the parking stub.

SLOANE She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms. vacant stare. CAMERON His eyes are frozen in a mindless. CU. CU. He starts to breathe heavily. Her gesture is one of genuine support.One hundred and twenty six and halfway between three and four tenths. EXT. CU. FERRARI Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron. SLOANE Cameron! Cut it out! What's wrong?! Ferris! CU. Why? How many miles are on it now? He glances down at the speedometer. Cameron. CAMERON He's still holding the stare. MUFFLED SCREAM. SLOANE You okay? CU. We'll fix it. It's okay. FERRIS He shoots Sloane a look. EXPRESSWAY The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic. We HEAR A THUNDERING. He's concerned. INT. FERRIS (to CAMERA) Here's where Cameron goes berserk. TRAFFIC The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. FERRIS Hey. CU. He's trembling. FERRIS He looks at Sloane.7. EXT. . SPEEDOMETER The odometer reads 432.

God! Thank you. HER POV 180 179 . JEANIE I'm saved! Thank you. really. The Ferris' tape is activated. 179 INT.you. Cameron? CU. SLOANE Shut-up! It is a problem! For him it's a problem. thank you.. But it's a problem for him! So.. Nothing's a problem for you. The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs. FERRIS' HOUSE.FERRIS Cameron.. HOUSE. FERRARI Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris. thank you! She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door. VOICE Anybody home? FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry that I can't come to the door right now. He knows what he's doing. FOYER The doorbell rings. just shut-up. FERRIS Eyes front. 180 EXT. Her jaw goes slack.. She turns back to Cameron.. It's completely fixable.. INT. FERRIS VOICE Who is it? We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom. Your old man won't know a thing. SLOANE What can I do. FRONT DOOR The door swings open. are you okay? It's no problem. She whips it open. She blinks her eyes. JEANIE Thank.

A top forty montage. myopic GIRL. ANOTHER KID Did you get in a fight? Rooney keep walking. Spread all around them are more flowers. KID Hey. He climbs aboard the bus. ROONEY He looks vacantly at her. The passengers are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and take an empty seat next to a skinny. CU. GIRL She holds her smile.. A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps up on the porch. A school bus is crawling alongside him as kids hang out the windows. 181 EXT. From inside we hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON BLASTERS. GIRL She looks at Rooney and smiles. 182 181 . NEIGHBORHOOD STREET Rooney's walking down the street.. NURSE (sings) WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT WE. BUS The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES. The door slams shut. The bus doors open. CU. Rooney takes a deep breath. GIRL I'll bet you never smelled a real school bus before.The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the door with floral arrangements. She pushes her Coke bottle glasses up on her nose. DRIVER You want a lift? Rooney takes a few more steps. The bus stops. He stops. 182 INT. Mr. Rooney! What're you doing? Rooney doesn't respond. CU. The DRIVER calls out to him.

Ferris WALKS INTO THE FOREGROUND. I think Cameron might have blown a micro-chip or two. 184 EXT. GIRL She puts one in her mouth. CU. 183 EXT. Sloane's sitting beside him on the table. ROONEY He stares at her. BOY He leans forward. BOY A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring at him. ROONEY He stares at her. BUS It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet street. the SHOUTING RESUMES. CU. He addresses CAMERA. All I wanted to do . FERRIS This may very well be for real. The bus jerks forward and pulls away. The BLASTERS go back on. CU. CU. He's always been a little keyed-up. PARK 184 183 Cameron's laying on a picnic table. GIRL She holds up a candy package. ROONEY He looks across to the kid. ROONEY He turns him eyes to the front. CU. FRESHMAN BOY It's kind of like being in the belly of the beast isn't it? CU.CU. She's stroking his hair. GIRL They've been in pocket. They're real soft and warm. GIRL Gummi Bear? CU.

Then back to CAMERA. That's what my parents call it. And basically that'll be it. And we'll see each other at night and on the weekends but then he'll go to one school and I'll go to another. As much as we like each other. I'll take infatuation. I would. Sloane's stroking his hair. CU. CU. be-all of human existance. My. He's gonna marry the first girl he lays. He'll work and I'll work. . She looks away. This isn't just teenage infatuation. the process of growing up will separate us.was give him a good day. FERRIS Sloane's a bigger problem. FERRIS I'm being tested here. SLOANE She's studying Cameron's face. He begins to walk. FERRIS My best friend has flipped-out. He starts back to the picnic table. How do I deal with that? I was serious when I said I'd marry her. Conventional wisdom would suggest a visit to the nearest trauma center. I wouldn't fault anybody for doing that. She won't respect him because you can't respect someone who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work. Then we have the summer. We're gonna graduate in a couple of months. At least no one's ever been in love with him. And she's gonna treat him like shit because he's gonna kiss her ass for giving him what he's built-up in his mind as the end-all. SLOANE Ferris? CU. We follow him. She still has another year of high school. CAMERON His eyes are closed. FERRIS (VO) Cameron's never been in love. FERRIS He looks to the picnic table. personally. What do they call what they have? If that's love.

I think this calls for something new, something bold, something wet and wild. 185 CU. JACUZZI JET UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles. CU. BLASTER A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES UP. CU. BEER CAN LID The finger pops a beer. CU. OREO PACKAGE A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper. INT. JACUZZI Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer. Sloane's eating Oreos. FERRIS You feeling any better, Cameron? SLOANE The water's really nice. I wish you'd come in. CU. CAMERON Staring into space. CAMERON Surgery...fire...move... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers her his beer. FERRIS Cameron? Do you think this because of the car or is it a combination of everything shitty in your life? CU. CAMERON He doesn't respond. CAMERON Music...kiss...attack... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS 185

Sloane sips the beer. FERRIS You just can't deal with anymore shit? The car took you into the red zone? Time for a reality check? SLOANE Cameron? I could flip real easy, too. There's nothing wrong with it. At one time or another, everybody goes to the zoo. FERRIS Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe he wasn't bullshitting himself. CU. CAMERON No response. CAMERON Gesundheit...God...mercy... EXT. BACKYARD Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend. CU. CAMERON He smiles. CU. SLOANE She leans forward and stares at Cameron. CU. FERRIS He cocks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to. CU. CAMERON He keels over forward. EXT. BACKYARD Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down, face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for him. UNDERWATER Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water. UNDERWATER

Ferris grabs Cameron's collar and rips him out of the water. EXT. BACKYARD Ferris sits Cameron on the edge of the Jacuzzi. FERRIS CAMERON! CU. CAMERON His eyes are closed. He's lifeless. CU. FERRIS His face is a mask of terror. He shakes Cameron. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. CU. CAMERON A smile spreads across his face. CU. FERRIS He sees the smile. He stops shaking Cameron. EXT. JACUZZI Ferris and Cameron are looking at each other. Sloane's still screaming. She realizes that Cameron's okay. She stops screaming. SLOANE What? FERRIS (Cameron) You asshole! Cameron's smiling. SLOANE What? Ferris starts to laugh. Cameron explodes with laughter. Sloane's bewildered. SLOANE What's so funny? 186 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 186

Jeanie's sitting on a wooden bench with a WASTED TEENAGE BOY in a Triumph t-shirt, long hair, torn jeans, creepers, studs and chains. He's studying her. BOY Drugs?

thank you. Jeanie turns away. BOY I meant. JEANIE Blow yourself. JEANIE I don't know why I'm here. The boy nods. He understands the emotion. JEANIE You really want to know what's wrong? The boy shrugs. are you here for drugs? Jeanie stares at him. BOY Then why don't you go home? JEANIE Why don't you put your thumb up your butt? The boy stares at her. . I hate my brother. JEANIE Why are you here? BOY Drugs. I'm serious. Jeanie looks back at him. not yet.JEANIE No. I'm straight. The boy crosses his legs. If you've got the time. JEANIE Alright. How's that? BOY That's cool. Did you shoot him or something? JEANIE No. In a nutshell. I've got the troubles. BOY You want to talk about your problem? JEANIE With you? Are you serious? BOY Yeah.

you lose a testicle. BOY You know him? . JEANIE Why should he get to ditch school when everybody else has to go? BOY You could ditch.JEANIE I went home to confirm that the shithead was ditching school and a guy broke into the house and I called the cops and they picked me up for making a phoney phone call. Jeanie stares at him threateningly. The boy nods knowingly. JEANIE Excuse me? BOY Excuse you. you're pissed at him because he ditches and doesn't get caught? JEANIE Basically. Jeanie stares angrily at him. BOY What do you care if your brother ditches school? Jeanie stares at the boy. JEANIE If you say Ferris Bueller. Partly because he's so bold and partly because he's so right. BOY So. JEANIE I'd get caught. BOY There's somebody you should talk to. BOY Then your problem is you. It's just an opinion. You oughta spend a little more time dealing with yourself and a little less time worrying about what your brother does.

answer his question. CAMERON'S GARAGE Ferris. FERRARI TIRE It's spinning rapidly. 187 CU. The engine's racing. about the future. ACCELERATOR A brick's resting on the accelerator. The whole time things over. SLOANE Really. Cameron. Sloane. I I was thinking And I realized and difference goes to shit. Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage. . FERRIS Bathroom. what would it be? FERRIS Sloane is naked before your eyes and you're thinking about words? SLOANE God bless you.CU. JEANIE'S HAND It curls into a fist. Ferris. SLOANE Come on. holding it down. CY. CAMERON I've been thinking all day that if you could only have the use of one word. INT. meditating. CAMERON I was just thinking was like. The wheels are turning. CAMERON If you guys only had one word. The Ferrari is jacked up. what would it be? FERRIS I can't believe you'd think up something like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi right in front of you. CAMERON Thank you. it doesn't make if the present 187 FERRIS I have a agree with you there.

. Cameron peeks in the window. SLOANE You wanna be generic? CAMERON It's help. CU. GARAGE Cameron pulls his head out of the car. SLOANE Love. FERRIS Hello. Cameron smiles at his wisdom. CAMERON It's the only word you could ever use. INT. She thinks. ODOMETER Nothing's happening. CAMERON The miles aren't coming off.. FERRIS Hellos' generic. Cameron gets up and walks to the Ferrari. Ferris looks up. CAMERON Ferris? It's not working. FERRIS Cash. running it in reverse. FERRIS And what is you loathe somebody? Are you going to say "love" every time you see them? SLOANE It's better than "hello".SLOANE I'd say. CAMERON The word is help.. Ferris and Sloane think about it. It's a good choice.

CU. A $50. I'm gonna do it. Cameron shakes his head. I'm taking a stand. A beat and it gives a mighty shove. he's finally going to have to deal with me. She applauds him. TIRE The spinning tires slam down on the cement. MERCEDES BUMPER Cameron's foot rests on the bumper. It's cool. FERRIS This is a big U-2 fan. my present and my future. Good or bad. CAMERON He's serious and determined. CAMERON Seventeen years and I've never taken a stand. He walks back around behind the Ferrari. Now. TIRES It's spinning wildly. It squeals out of the garage in a cloud of blue tire smoke.FERRIS I thought that might be a problem. against my family. CU. GARAGE Cameron has kicked the Ferrari off the jack. I'm taking a stand against my father. CU. When my father comes home tonight. FERRIS He turns to CAMERA. Let's crack open the odometer and roll it back by hand. SLOANE She smiles proudly at Cameron. INT. CU. CU. I will not sit idly by as events that affect me unfold to change the course of my life. against myself.000 . I will take a stand and I will defend it. CU. He has made up his mind and it appears that it won't be changed by anyone but himself. against my past. CAMERON I got a better idea.

CU. Cameron thinks for a moment. TREE The Ferrari's brief journey ends as it smacks a tree trunk. SLOANE Why? CAMERON I took a stand. He's strangely placcid about the impending disaster. A puzzled look.unmanned investment heading backwards down a driveway. INT. HOUSE The Ferrari shoots down the driveway. GARAGE Ferris and Sloane exchange baffled looks. CU. FERRIS What was that about? SLOANE This has to be a dream. across the street. INT. over the curb into the wooded property opposite the house. You wrecked a car. Why'd you do that? Cameron holds his proud posture for a beat. He's proud and bold. They look at Cameron. Cameron. FERRIS You trashed the car. THEIR POV The Ferrari travels down the driveway. GARAGE Cameron watches the car go. Then he regains his confidence. . Cameron looks across the street. EXT. He shoots a look to Ferris. SLOANE AND FERRIS They're in shock. Then a look of bewilderment comes over his face. FERRIS Cameron? One quick question. CAMERON It's okay. FERRIS No. Ferris and Sloane are bewildered.

Joyce looks at the officer curiously. I hope you son's feeling better. I appreciate your calling me. If you're interested. I think she'd had a good scare. we see Jeanie and the boy making out. on the bench. If I need it again. by the way. First. CAMERON No. I don't know why she'd call you with this story about a rapist. 188 . Second. He smiles. JOYCE Thank you. I want to deal with it by myself. He raises am impish eyebrow. I can assure you that her father and I will have a long talk with her. CAMERON I'm gonna handle it. He shakes his head. SLOANE What about your one word? CAMERON You already did it. FERRIS I have an idea. thanks. I'll use it. Outside the office. OFFICER For whatever reasons she did it. 188 INT. I don't know why she wasn't at school. I'm loose. This is a shock to me. JOYCE I hope so. FERRIS I think this could work. OFFICE Joyce is talking with the juvenile officer. The gathers her purse and jacket and stands. JOYCE She's never been in trouble before. CAMERON It's cool.Ferris looks across the street at the car. OFFICER Oh. POLICE STATION. Cameron looks at him.

He'll be okay. JEANIE (to the boy) If you keep this to yourself. young lady. JEANIE Hi.OFFICER Tell him. What's yours? BOY Garth Volbeck. FERRIS Yeah. I think we can probably get it on pretty good. BOY What's your name? JEANIE Jean. I'd be worried if he'd 190 189 . I guess. His old man had it coming. all the guys at the station here are pulling for him. POLICE STATION. She's still a little bewildered that everybody knows Ferris was ill. It was pretty cool. JOYCE Don't "hi" me. 190 EXT. The boy adjusts his pants to better hide his passion. SLOANE I had a great time today. Jeanie wipes her lips and sits up straight. Get your stuff. He had to so it. 189 INT. Jeanie stands up. BOY For sure. Jeanie reaches down for her purse. SLOANE'S BACKYARD Sloane and Ferris are standing at the back fence. WAITING ROOM Jeanie quickly breaks the embrace with the boy as Joyce steps out of the juvenile officer's room. SLOANE You think Cameron's gonna be alright? FERRIS Sure.

hits the diving board. did you? FERRIS Not a glimmer. SLOANE She's writing. MUSIC FADES UP.in the amount of $1. SLOANE He's gonna marry me. FERRIS No.taken my idea. She turns and runs into the house. springs off. SLOANE You're so smart. BACKYARD Ferris sprints across a backyard. ". does a flip and lands on the grass on the other side of the pool. A huge smile spreads across her face. BEDSPREAD Neatly bundles stacks of bills and rolled coins.. FERRIS I'll call you tonight. He runs directly for a swimming pool. SLOANE I LOVE YOU! She backs away from the fence. CU. CU.. A significant amount of cash. Ferris jumps the fence and takes off across the backyards. ANOTHER BACKYARD 192 191 Ferris vaults a fence.765. Sloane nods. He's approaching it from the side. SLOANE You didn't have an idea.33. 193 CU. 191 EXT. Sloane watches him go. It gives us great pleasure to assist 193 . I'm just real loose. He kisses her. I know it. He leaps. He jumps a plaster elf. Sloane smiles knowingly. 192 EXT. PIECE OF PAPER We see a portion of the typewritten letter as she signs it.

He's holding the house key. PORCH Ferris stands up. Joyce pulls in from the other direction. He parks and gets out. A car honks. An OMNIOUS CHORD IS STRUCK. CU. CU. EXT. He glances in the mirror. 195 INT. He reaches down and lifts the doormat. BACK PORCH Ferris tries the door. FERRIS' HOUSE Tom pulls in the driveway. It's locked. CAR. Sloane Peterson Executive Director The Ferris Bueller Foundation" 194 EXT. 197 EXT. CU. FERRIS He stares up in horror. Ferris moves to the side. The Woman looks up curiously. past a WOMAN. He does a take. PORCH The outline of a key in the dirt under the mat. 196 EXT. INT.you in performance of your worthy and much needed survives to those so desperately in need. The toe of a chewed-up dress shoe steps INTO FRAME. HOUSE Ferris runs through the kitchen. 197 196 195 194 . He smiles. The car pulls around him. The key's gone. HOUSE. FERRIS' STREET He's running down the middle of the street. MIRROR We see Ferris cut across a front lawn and into a house. Sincerely. fixing dinner and out her backdoor. HIS POV Rooney's looking down at him. HIS POV. TOM He realizes it couldn't be Ferris. Tom's at the wheel.

Jeanie looks out.ROONEY Looking for this? FERRIS Yes. (to Ferris) You better get up in bed tight now. you're alright! We've been worried sick! CU. ROONEY I got you. JEANIE (to Rooney) Thank you for bringing him home. Mr. ROONEY How does another year of high school sit with you? Suddenly. ROONEY His eyes dart from Ferris to Jeanie to Ferris. PORCH Jeanie breaks the embrace. She rushes Ferris and hugs him. CU. He smiles. EXT. JEANIE . Ferris. Rooney. CU. ROONEY He's dumbfounded. Ferris limps into the house. She feigns joy and relief. This time I finally got you. FERRIS A moment of curiosity. the backdoor opens. There's no way out. JEANIE Can you imagine someone as sick as Ferris trying to walk home from the hospital? (shakes her head) Kids! CU. JEANIE Thank God. Ferris is caught. Rooney gloats severely. Then it dawns on him what's happening. His victory is evaporating.

ROONEY A look of terror as he realizes that is was Jeanie who kicked him and that Jeanie knows it was he who she kicked. CU. but Kimberly's is. dejected. Kimberly feels her head. HOUSE The door closes on Rooney's defeated. TODD Ferris? Does my head look like it's getting bigger? Ferris leans against the counter as he tries to catch his breath. lost. A huge smile passes over her face. They look up at Ferris as he comes in from outside. 199 EXT. CU.C. bewildered face. EXT. KIMBERLY Oh. 200 199 198 .She raises her hands and strikes a karate pose. he has Jeanie to deal with next year. His head pops up off the grass. PORCH Jeanie steps into the house. DOG The click of the door wakes him up. Jeanie comes in. ROONEY He senses new danger. Not only has he lost Ferris again. 198 INT. Rooney squeezes his eyes shut. KIMBERLY (to Todd) Is he serious? TODD I think so. YARD. He crosses to the refrigerator and opens it. He looks at his little brother. We hear AN O. shit! Ferris takes out a bottle of orange juice out of the refrigerator and drinks straight from the bottle. KITCHEN Kimberly and Todd are sitting at the kitchen table watching TV and eating cereal. GROWL. 200 INT. CU. FERRIS No.

JEANIE I'm sorry I've been riding your buns for so long. 204 203 202 201 . FERRIS Upstairs. Ferris and Jeanie step gingerly through the flowers and head upstairs. KIMBERLY Is my head swelling up? 203 INT.FERRIS Thanks. FERRIS I want to. KITCHEN Ferris and Jeanie exit the kitchen as Joyce and Tom enter. I'll pay you back. Jeanie. Mom! 204 INT. I borrowed some cash from you. JOYCE (to Todd and Kimberly) Hi. I've been ripping off your wallet for years. 201 EXT. HOUSE Joyce and Tom head up to the kitchen. 202 INT. JEANIE You don't have to. JEANIE You don't have to. SECOND FLOOR LANDING Ferris and Jeanie stop. HOUSE. guys. JEANIE No problem. FOYER The foyer is jammed with floral arrangements. plants and gifts. FERRIS It's completely cool. FERRIS By the way. He affects a sickly voice. Ferris gives her a proud smile. JOYCE (OC) Ferris! Ferris continues up the stairs.

They walk over to the bed. JEANIE Is he cool? FERRIS He's cool. thank you. TOM (OC) Ferris? How do you feel? He pulls in his tongue to speak. JOYCE Honey? CU. brushes the crumbs off his hands and peels off his shirt. FERRIS Maybe you're right. eyes bulging. TOM Ferris. Please. Tongue out.. Ferris walks into the room. Joyce sits down. There's no point pushing yourself and making it worse. No sooner are the covers over him than the bedroom door opens and Joyce and Tom walk in. FERRIS (deathly gasp) 150% better. He climbs into bed.. Dad. I want to go to school. 205 INT. JOYCE How did you get so sweet? 205 . FERRIS I'm much better.JEANIE Do you know a guy named Garth Volbeck? FERRIS Vaguely. don't make me stay home again. BEDROOM Tom and Joyce hover over him with deep concern. TOM I know I'm right. FERRIS The same deathly face he had in the morning. But stay away from his brother. I'm graduating in June and I. Joyce leans over and kisses him forehead. really. You're sick.

A beat and we HEAR THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSE. FERRIS You gotta get one. life is a carousel. He smiles. FERRIS (happy sigh) Yeah. He and Joyce exit. Ferris looks at CAMERA. Tom pats Ferris on the rump. MUSIC UP BIG END TITLES THE END .FERRIS Years of practice. CU. breathing joy and delight. FERRIS The hideous face. A great big crazy ball of pure living. He rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his head.

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