Where's Mom? TODD Is my head going to swell up? TOM What?! JEANIE OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!! MOTHER (JOYCE) (screams) TOM! The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP. TODD What's that? KIMBERLY Wait! Hold still! TODD What?! KIMBERLY You heads starting to swell up!! Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the hallway. A door open. TOM (breathless) What's the matter? JOYCE (worried) It's Ferris! TOM What's wrong? JOYCE (snaps) What's wrong? For Christ's sake! Look at him! 2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA. His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side. 3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties. Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed 3 2

for work. TOM Ferris? JOYCE He doesn't have a fever. But he says his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots. 4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS His lifeless eyes blink. 5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead. TOM What's the matter, Ferris? JOYCE Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy. Tom takes one of Ferris' hands. TOM (discreetly) Should you call the doctor? JOYCE (whispers) He doesn't want me to. TOM Why don't you want Mom to call the doctor? Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can manage is a choked gasp. TOM What? Ferris tries again. FERRIS (raspy) Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up. He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down. FERRIS I have a test today. I have to take it. I want to get into a good college so I can have a fruitful life... JOYCE You're not going to school like this. (to Tom) Maybe I should call the office and 5 4

Dry that one out and you can fertilize the lawn. She's cute and stuck-up. Jeanie? JEANIE Pucker up and squat. It's so unfair. JEAN Oh. JEANIE (to herself) Oh. TOM That's enough. She's dressed for school. KIMBERLY peek into the room... His older sister. Ferris. FERRIS Please don't be upset with me. TODD and sister. JEAN Yeah. His body stiffens and he chokes. I feel perfectly. If I was bleeding out my eyes. Be thankful that you're fit and have your health. JOYCE (annoyed) Thank you. Jeanie. Jeanie. defeated) You're really letting him stay home? I can't believe this. right. Cherish it. walks into the room. She slips out of the room. FERRIS Is that Jeanie? I can't see that far. JEANIE You're not falling for this. KIMBERLY Myocardial infarction? JOYCE . you guys'd make me go to school. fine. Ferris' brother. Mom. JEANIE (angry. God! He's gripped by a seizure. Jeanie. A major pill. JEANIE. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. I wanna puke. What's this? What's his problem? JOYCE He doesn't feel well.tell them I won't be in. Get to school. She glares at Ferris.Oh. FERRIS I'm okay. are you? Tell me you're not falling for this.

Get your stuff. She turns sharply and exits. I'll just sleep. KIMBERLY Syphilitic meningitus? That would be a huge family embarrassment. Daddy'll be right down. JOYCE (to Ferris) I'm showing houses to the family from California today but I'll be in the area. FERRIS I'll be okay.. TODD (worried) Dad? Does my head look alright? JOYCE Get downstairs! Now! TODD Just answer me one question! Is it swelling up? Kim said it was going to get as big as. TOM Get downstairs! KIMBERLY If he dies. My office'll know where I am.. if you need me. 6 CU. KIMBERLY (OC) A WATERMELON! TODD (yells out the room) Shut-up! JOYCE Get downstairs! NOW! Todd backs out of the room. too. I got dibs on his stereo. You're both very special people. Maybe I'll have an aspirin around noon. FERRIS It's nice to know I have such loving. TOM I'll check it with you. caring parents. FERRIS 6 .

FERRIS Ferris lets out a wheeze. It's physical evidence of illness. (looks out the window) What a beautiful day! He turns from the window. non-specific symptom. She leans down and kisses his forehead. BEDROOM. little smile crawls across his lips. Tom pats his shoulder. JOYCE She strokes Ferris' hair. TOM Get some rest. Ferris' eyes shift from the door to CAMERA.He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids. The MTV theme music ROARS IN. JOYCE I hope you feel better. Parents are generally pretty hip to the fever scams. His glassy eyes follow his parents to the door. sweetie. They close the door. FERRIS They bought it. 8 CU. 9 CU. BEDROOM Ferris yanks open the drapes. And to make them work you have to go a hundred and one. The MTV logo is playing. It's a good. 7 INT. pumpkin. A sly. TOM (OC) Call if you need us. FERRIS Parents always fall for the clammy hands. You get a nervous mother and you end up in a doctor's office 10 9 8 7 . 10 INT. The lock clicks. TV SCREEN The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. FERRIS Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. JOYCE (OC) We love you. The pall of the sickroom disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight. hundred and two.

Ferris' hair is standing straight up. He pops up. 12 INT. I mean. FERRIS That I care about it was. I'm probably going to to barf up a lung. Through the pebbled glass of the shower door we see Ferris' outline. Inside the shower. just lick your palms. It's a little stupid and childish but then so if high school. So. FERRIS It's on European socialism. He steps into the shower. How can I be expected to handle high school? He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. everybody needs a day off now and then.and that's worse than school. BATHROOM Ferris walks into the bathroom. A NEW SONG begins. I don't plan to be European. This If I have must FERRIS is my ninth sick day with semester. go for ten. really. It's moulded into a fin with shampoo. That wasn't bullshit. What's the point? I'm not European. It's a beautiful day. It's littered with Jean's debris. FERRIS Fake a stomach cramp and when you're doubled over. FERRIS I don't care if you're fifty five or seven. He turns on the shower water. BATHROOM. He exits into the hallway. Right? He equalizes the sound a little. He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV broadcast. I absolutely make this one count. SHOWER STALL. 11 INT. 12 11 . FERRIS I do actually have a test. So. who gives a shit if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists and it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. moaning and wailing.

FERRIS (sings) WELL SHAKE IT UP. A person should not believe in an "ism". They can be real touchy. Or and "isms". he was the Walrus. Afterall. (pause) Be careful when you deal with old hippies. He opens his door. 14 13 . I just believe in me.. 14 INT.. 13 INT. He passes CAMERA and goes into his room. right? On the Fourth of July he was down with my aunt and he got drunk and told my Dad he felt guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam. HALLWAY. Just like that.. "What's the deal. LATER Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He's drying his hair with another of a different color. Uncle Jeff? In wartime you want to be a pacifist and in peacetime you want to be a soldier. Two weeks. BEDROOM Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed. "I don't believe in Beatles. FERRIS Not that I condone fascism. TWIST AND SHOUT.. FERRIS My uncle went to Canada to protest the war. He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it. It took you twenty years to find out you don't believe in anything?" (snaps his fingers) Grounded.He turns the shower head around and uses it like a microphone. "Isms"." A good point there. He should believe in himself. FERRIS I could be the Walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off people. FERRIS (OC) I'm not very political? Let me put that into perspective. So I said. John Lennon said it on his first solo album. BABY. in my opinion are not good.

"Nothing". He's a serious outsider. I hope not. I like him. He finds a shirt he likes. FERRIS His name is Garth Volbeck. (pause) My parents never allowed Garth over here. FERRIS My mother was a hippie. BEDROOM He walks across the room to his dresser.. She got old. I was sleeping at his house once and I was laying on the dark worrying that his brother was going to come in and hack me to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying. I could see them not wanting his brother here because he is a registered psycho. I wouldn't want him here. It'll probably be mine. It's sad but I don't hold it against her. The smoke tasted like glue. his mother owns a gas station. He opens his underwear drawer. There's an old model of a submarine on the top of the dresser. Not a bad guy. Do unto others. It isn't his fault that his brother's screwed-up. But Garth isn't his brother. 16 . She only puts out so people will hang out with her. He picks it up. 15 16 INT. If she listens to the White Album now? She doesn't hear music. I'd appreciate it. I'm probably his only friend. He pulls out a pair of underwear. He drops the towel. I asked him what was wrong and he said. I always felt for Garth. FERRIS In eighth grade a friend of mine made a bong out of one of these. Nostalgia is her favorite drug. Better to hold it against the guys who use her and don't care about her. too. There was no specific thing he was crying about. It was because of his family. He's in jail. He steps back from the closet and puts it on. But she lost it. CLOSET The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts. right? Anyway. . she hears memories. I do what I can for him. which is complete bullshit. I mean. He gets dressed as he speaks.. I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of artificial fruit just so he could see what it was like to have his stomach pumped. Mainly his older brother. if I was him. Nothing was wrong.15 INT. Alot of fights with the parents on that point. His father's dead and his sister's rumored to be a prostitute.

He's wearing a completely different outfit. He's eighteen. HOUSE. they do feel for him but still the guy's banned from our house. now my parents have a legit argument. The guy's so conditioned to grief that if he doesn't feel it. FERRIS That and boredom. He doesn't like what he's wearing. STAIRCASE Ferris comes down the stairs. FERRIS 18 17 . His legacy is a gas station. He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice. It's over for him. Gone from school. 18 INT. He's lost. Otherwise you get all nervous worrying about what to do and all you get is grief and the whole point is to take it easy. FERRIS Unfortunately. FERRIS You have to plan things out before you take the day off. Gone from life. It was a habit. 17 INT.In fact. cut loose and enjoy. How could you possibly dump on guy who has to deal with that kinda shit? My parents acknowledge the trudge of the situation and I'm sure that deep down. TV and food. He just cried himself to sleep every night. He crosses to the pantry. he can't sleep. I myself have ditched and gotten so bored I did homework. Then they realize there's nothing to do. Figure that shit out. He continues his speech as he disrobes. KITCHEN Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the refrigerator. He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet door. Alot of people ditch and feel great for about an hour. FERRIS One very serious danger is playing sick is that it's possible to believe your own act. Garth doesn't need his brother to give him a rep anymore. he wasn't really even aware that he was crying. He's getting one on his own.

PHONE He punches out a number. nightstand a still-life of over the counter remedies. A prime house in a prime location. CAMERON Food.. when everybody's out of school. dreary sick room.yes. FERRIS That's just one reason why I need a day off every now and then. A high school boy. 23 INT. what's he got to bitch about?" 20 CU. FERRIS Some guy whose hair is falling out and his stomach's hanging over his belt and everything he eats makes him fart. He sets it in his lap.no. ANOTHER HOUSE A sleek. 23 22 21 20 19 . is laying in bed.You blow your day and at about three o'clock. A telephone rings OVER. modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. Shades drawn. We don't see his face.. 21 INT... BOY'S BEDROOM It's a dark. He's mumbling random words. He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos.shelter. FERRIS There's alot of pressure at work in my age group. he looks at someone like me and thinks.. FAMILY ROOM Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair. And it's not always recognized. rich future ahead of him. 19 INT.. Do it right. only a silhouette with a thermometer sticking out his mouth. CAMERON FRYE. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY is playing. you're going to wish you'd gone to school so you could be out having fun... He reaches over and picks up the telephone. 22 EXT. floor strewn with used tissues. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS Avoid the misery. "This kid's young and strong and has a full. FERRIS He remote controls the TV on. Plan your day.

25 INT. CAMERON (weak) Hello? FERRIS' VOICE Cameron! What's happening? CAMERON Very little. Now. 25 24 . CAMERON She's not home. FERRIS Ferris is sprawled out in the chair. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker phone button. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry to hear that. Cameron slowly hangs up the phone. CAMERON I'm dying. FERRIS It's all in your head. CAMERON'S ROOM Cameron's insistant. I'm sick. CAMERON I feel like complete shit. Ferris. Come on over. 24 INT. Ferris disconnects. come on over and pick me up. CAMERON'S VOICE I can't. Where are you? FERRIS' VOICE Home. Get dressed and come over. I can't go anywhere. FERRIS I'm taking the day off. FERRIS' VOICE Is your mother in the room? Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS' VOICE How do you feel? CAMERON Shredded.The phone rings.

He has alot of things to sort out before he graduates. CAMERA enters a classroom. He can't be wound this tight and go to college. FERRIS If anybody needs a day off. rotting Air Jordans. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM Ferris hangs up. TEACHER'S VOICE Busch? GIRL'S VOICE 27 26 . TEACHER'S VOICE Albers? BOY'S VOICE Here. He's a little easier to take when you know why he's like he is.The phone rings again. HALLWAY We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. It travels past a teacher's Hush Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow Reebocks. TEACHER'S VOICE Anderson. in two weeks you'd have a diamond. FERRIS' VOICE You're not dying. A shoe's POV.. pristine loafers. The boy cannot relax. it's Cameron. (after-thought) And Cameron would worry that he'd owe taxes on it. I've come close myself. GIRL'S VOICE Here. SCHOOL. 26 INT. TEACHER'S VOICE Anheiser? BOY'S VOICE Here. But I like him. You just can't think of anything good to do.. scuffed heels. Pardon by French but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass. His roommate'll kill him. Cameron hits the speaker button. 27 INT.

He reaches down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve. FAMILY ROOM. TV Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve. TEACHER'S VOICE Drucker? BOY'S VOICE What? WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that it's empty. TV THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. TEACHER'S VOICE (weary) Thank you. CU. The big chase at the end. INT. I guess it's pretty serious. FERRIS He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war wagon. (pause) My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out at 31 Flavors last night. Simone. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? GIRL'S VOICE He's sick. 28 CU. CU.Here. TV The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws Humongous back in his seat. 28 . He's wearing a hockey mash. He gives it a twist. GIRL'S VOICE (cheery) No problem whatsoever. FERRIS He throws himself back against the chair. He's steering. CU.

CU. FERRIS This is really degrading. He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill. TV IMPACT! MOZART COMES UP. you should not alientate them. how often they rat on you. 29 CU. Ferris is sitting on her bed going through a purse. how gross they act or how wicked and insensitive they can be. Very damaging to the self-image. But. braced for collision. hey. FERRIS He rears back in horror. TV The was wagon hurtles down the road. It's Jeanie's room.CU. In times of crisis one must to what one must to. A flowering crabtree branch. FERRIS Arms outstretched. CU. FERRIS He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high speed ride. CU. Because most likely they have cash and it's usually very easy to get your hands on. FERRIS Financing my activities this way. A pink and powder blue pig pen. Petite pink flowers. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE ROOM. head thrown back. CU. I'm broke. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY" 29 . He holds up a twenty and snaps it. He comes up with a five. TV The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the tanker truck. CU. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH Outside a bedroom window. books. records. I'll pay it back. FERRIS Regardless of how much shit sisters make you eat. With interest. Clothes everywhere. make-up.

One-by-one. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp. A screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and pops them apart. CU. LIVING ROOM The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions. A U. A ten. the quarters are being popped out of their slots. 38 CU.S. KITCHEN DRAWER Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. His face lights up as he counts out the cash. A hand peels the bills off the backing. hard. Locating a dollar bill. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth. BIRTHDAY CARD It's a child's card. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. new five. a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. 34 CU. dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the floor. He closes the door. 40 CU. Mint proof set. 30 INT. A hand scoops them up. FLOOR AND BED 40 39 38 37 36 35 34 33 32 31 30 .COMES UP. A roll of Tums. 37 CU. SOFA Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice. COIN COLLECTION The familiar blue collector's album. 36 CU. 32 CU. Then a modest wad of bills. 39 INT. VACCUUM CLEANER The dusty. PARENTS' BEDROOM Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. 35 CU. 31 INT. SNOOPY BANK It's being shaken furiously. WASHING MACHINE TOP A couple of stiff. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET An obvious gift from a grandparent. 33 CU. bleached singles that have gone through the wash lay on top of the washer. Another crumpled bill surfaces. HALL CLOSET The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets of the coats. A squirt gun.

47 INT. a charred doll's head. An awl is driven in between the door and the jamb. suburban high school. OFFICE Joyce is behind a desk. 44 INT. finally. Let's be realistic. 48 EXT. I'm so sorry. 42 INT.Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. I completely forgot to call. my God. Her eyes open wide with alarm. FERRIS' BED A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. a Zippo lighter and. HIGH SCHOOL A modern. 41 CU. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. The SONG ENDS. JOYCE No one's going to consider a house with a black living room. It pries the door open. 43 CU. MORNING A suburban realty company. Volbeck's dead set against putting any money into the house. His arm reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed. KITCHEN Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table. a five dollar bill. BANK It's on a work bench. JOYCE Oh. She take the call. AGENT 1 Mrs. 45 CU. A cute little building in town. Not even those jerks from Vermont. TABLE LEG Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used to balance the table. They're also real estate agents. 46 EXT. KITCHEN Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter. Across from her are two WOMEN. Inside are trading cards. JOYCE Joyce Bueller. 48 47 46 45 44 43 42 41 .

50 INT. He's confident to the point of arrogance. EDWARD R. ROONEY If Ferris thinks he coast this last month and still graduate. behind the sign. I had a meeting first thing this morning. I should have called. SCHOOL. The hall is clogged with students. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE A SECRETARY is at work at her desk.MAN'S VOICE Are you aware that your son is not in school today? 49 INT. I am. SCHOOL. he's sorely mistaken. CU. DEAN'S VOICE I just had his file up. clean and straight as an I-beam. He removes his feet from the desk and turns in his swivel chair. The dean's feet are up on the desk. INT. CU. HALLWAY It's a passing period. Ferris is home sick. DEAN'S VOICE Are you also aware that Ferris does not have what we consider an exemplary attendance record? 51 INT. 51 50 49 . JOYCE'S VOICE I don't understand. ROONEY. neatly combed hair. We hear the dean inside the office. suit and tie. He's tough. Moderately priced dress shoes. Mrs. JOYCE'S VOICE This is all news to me. DEAD OF STUDENTS. Bueller. COMPUTER MONITOR The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records. DESK SIGN It reads. He's toying with a pencil. It completely slipped my mind. Short. CU. ROONEY I just has his file up. Behind him is a computer terminal. DEAN'S OFFICE. JOYCE'S VOICE Yes. OFFICE. DEAN ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk.

52 INT. in fact. CU. He looks closer at the screen. I can appreciate that at this time of year children are prone to taking the day off. CU. ROONEY I have it right here in front of me. FERRIS I wanted a car. very ill. JOYCE'S OFFICE She's still on the phone with Rooney. INT. Including today. 54 53 52 . He's playing. TV MONITOR We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck. How's that for being born under a bad sign? 53 INT. SOLO GUITAR. he's truly a very sick boy. He reads off the screen. SPEAKER The grille cloth is throbbing. he's been absent nine times. LED METERS The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone. He's missed. I debated whether or not I should even leave him.ROONEY'S VOICE So far this semester alone. JOYCE'S VOICE Nine times? Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a number 2. but in Ferris' case.. JOYCE I can give you every assurance that Ferris is home and that he is.. FERRIS' BEDROOM MUSIC BLASTS. CU. OFFICE Rooney turns to the monitor. FERRIS' ROOM Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. I got a computer. He has his record up on the screen. 54 INT.

I'm bricking heavily. I mean I heard he's really sick. GIRL A whole bunch of people. Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl. 57 INT. SCHOOL. (to the phone) Did you see Alien? When the guy had the creature in his stomach? It feels like that. FERRIS A sample of my blood was sent to Atlanta to the Center for Disease Control. They said he's like on the verge of death. GIRL I'm really sorry about your brother. GIRL No. (point to the phone) Freshman. VIDEO CAMERA A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape. She kicks her locker shut. GIRL This guy in my biology class said that if Ferris dies he's giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's really sweet isn't he? She smiles and exits. HALLWAY Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. HALLWAY 58 57 56 55 . man. 58 INT. A GIRLFRIEND comes up to her. SCHOOL. Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment. JEANIE What're you sorry for? I have to live with the trouser snake. 56 INT. JEANIE Who said he's sick. I don't know. FERRIS' ROOM He's in bed on the phone. 55 INT.CU. He sighs deeply and fall back on the bed. CAMERON'S ROOM He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt.

. GIRL Hello? (pause) Who? (pause) . I appreciate you letting us know how you're doing. BOY Goddamn! Are you kidding? SECOND BOY What? BOY Did you see Alien? SECOND BOY No. BOY Oh. I hope he doesn't die. why? He hands her the phone. BOY Anyway.A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. Hold on. no. A couple of his BUDDIES are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news. I can't handle summer school.Yeah. The boy snatches a passing GIRL. THIRD BOY (to the Second Boy) Who's he talking to? SECOND BOY Ferris Bueller. BOY You never rented the video cassette? Second boy shakes his head. sure. SECOND BOY (to Third Boy) Shit. BOY Did you see Alien? GIRL Yeah. We gotta split. He's really wasted. (pause) Huh?. You know him? THIRD BOY (excited) Yeah. He's getting me out of summer school..

60 EXT.Hi. ROONEY Really? He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint. Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile. ROONEY What's so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is that he gives the good kids bad ideas. Ferris. pinheads. my God! You're dying? Is it serious? (pause) Shiit! Are you upset? 59 INT. To show these kids that the example he sets is a first class ticket to nowhere. A florist's truck drives past the house. you better not throw anybody. FERRIS' ROOM He's on the telephone. As he speaks he does a little 61 60 59 . His SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder. FERRIS' HOUSE It's a glorious late spring day. The last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. geeks. ROONEY That's exactly why I have to catch him this time. You sounded like Dirty Harry just now. Ed. they all adore him. How's your bod? (jaw drops) Oh. SECRETARY (impressed) Ooo. SECRETARY He's very popular. motorheads. richies. Ed. wonkers. sluts. dweebies. Sportos. Rooney stares at her for a long beat. 61 INT. ROONEY I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him! SECRETARY With your bad knee.

TOM'S OFFICE 65 64 63 62 . It's almost summer. OFFICE BUILDING. The other phone line rings. I feel like shit. FERRIS You want to stay home and try to have the shits? Try to barf? Try to feel worse? CAMERON'S VOICE I don't have to try. FERRIS Cameron. we'd be surfing. CAMERON I'm sick. 62 INT. This is bullshit. if you're not over here in fifteen minutes. I got another call. FERRIS Be a man. He sounds like he's on his last breath. Take some Pepto Bismol and get dressed. DOWNTOWN A LaSalle Street office tower. FERRIS Squeeze you buns for a second. CAMERON'S BEDROOM Cameron's back in bed. I'm serious. Why can't you leave me alone? FERRIS' VOICE You're not up for some good times? It's a beautiful day. If this was Hawaii. He puts Cameron on hold. FERRIS H--hell-o? 64 EXT. 63 INT. He clears his throat and answers the second line. you can find a new best friend. TOM'S VOICE Ferris? 65 INT. A Modigliani nude. FERRIS' ROOM He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness. making me wait around the house for you.MacPainting on his MacIntosh. You're boring me with this stuff. man.

66 CU. He's just checking up on me. TOM You sound miserable. Herman Miller desk and chair. INT. FERRIS Dad? Can you hold on a second? TOM'S VOICE Sure. CAMERON'S VOICE Oh. Are you alright? FERRIS Just a little phlegm on the phone. The moment before you called. Bye. the least you can do is hurry up and get over here. Now. pal. Two windows.He's behind his desk. Nice office. FERRIS' VOICE Really? Darn! I thought I was improving. FERRIS (OC) I'm so worried about falling behind. Hold on. TOM Were you sleeping? FERRIS' VOICE I was trying to do some homework. it's sure great of you to call. COMPUTER MONITOR A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making. I'm working on getting some heavy bucks out of him. Dad. He puts his father on hold. I had a chest spasm and I blew lung fluid all over the place. FERRIS Sorry. that's just great. It was making me ill looking at it. So. But gee. 66 . FERRIS Cameron? It's my Dad. FERRIS' ROOM He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke. listen to me. He disconnects and gets his father back. Are you busted? FERRIS It's completely cool. He switches back to his sick voice.

68 67 . TOM'S VOICE Hey. You're just trying to cheer me up. right? TOM'S VOICE Not any harder than anybody else. FERRIS' ROOM He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the desk. 67 EXT. FERRIS' ROOM He blows a smoke ring. FERRIS Give yourself some credit. It's like those savings bonds you used to give me every Christmas. He lights a cigarette. sick teenager. It was a mammoth gesture. Pedestrians stop to look. He nods. INT. FERRIS You had to work hard for the money to buy those things. COMPUTER SCREEN A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA". CU. CHICAGO LOOP. FERRIS You work so hard I'll bet you don't even remember where those bonds are.I'm sure there're alot of fathers who wouldn't take time out from their busy schedules to call a dumb. (looks at CAMERA and smiles) It was that kind of concern. pal. FERRIS Oh. The screen dumps the drawing. yeah? You're pulling my leg. right? Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father. DIAMONDVISION SCREEN Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard. TOM'S VOICE Wrong. Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them. 68 INT. Dad. what was I supposed to do? Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer.

pal. CAR. (thinks) Of course. No doubt about it. FERRIS (to CAMERA. (to the phone. you lose some. TOM'S VOICE I want to. I hope my kids don't pull this shit on me. if they didn't. they'd be dumb and abnormal and they'd probably never move out of my house and I'd have to support them until I die. FERRIS You win some. Bye now. He turns his desk chair around and gets up. He hangs up. 69 . normal voice) Was that a class move or what? The guy gave it up faster than a drunk Catholic girl. I think I better lie down. I take it back. Ferris smiles. He's gotten exactly what he wants. I'll call you after lunch. Dad. bucks says he's sitting car debating about whether he should go out. sick voice) Dad? All this talking has made me kind of light-headed. He cuts the engine. CAMERON We're gonna get caught. TOM'S VOICE Okay. Ferris sighs. FERRIS You don't have to. They're in a shoebox in my closet. CAMERON He's sitting behind the wheel of his car.TOM'S VOICE Like hell I am. CAMERON FERRIS disappointed in Cameron. He looks at CAMERA. I'm so Twenty in his or not 69 INT. You take care.

The guy is a shellfish when it comes to making a decision. The hands lift a sweater out. FERRIS' ROOM He takes out the magazine. The reason he doesn't fell good is. He sits for half a beat. what'll happen is I'll get caught. He stops the engine. Another beat. He's the only guy I know who's deeply concerned that when he grows up there'll be a critical shortage of strategic metals. He goes into the bathroom. CLASSROOM. He sighs and restarts the engine. ominously. FERRIS Cameron's also the only guy I know who knows what strategic metals are. SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED. LATER 72 71 70 . A HERALDIC STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater. The drawer is opened slowly. 71 INT. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM DOWN. 72 INT. He exits the room. CAMERON He'll keep calling until I come over.I'm not doing it. (waves the magazine) Pardon moi. He leafs through the pages for the pictorials as he speaks. CAMERON Actually. 70 CU.. FERRIS (sings) MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER. INT. HALLWAY Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway. Ferris'll escape. DRESSER DRAWER Hands curl around the drawer pulls. Another beat.. FERRIS Cameron'll go on like that for a good thirty minutes. he worries about everything.

CLASSROOM. NURSE (nods solemnly) Dead grandmother. 73 INT. For a moment.A stunningly beautiful girl. She looks at the kids. The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. dusty lecture. 74 73 . INT. NURSE Sloane Peterson? SLOANE Sits up in her seat. SLOANE A smile curls across her lips. (sneezes) Pardon me. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear. HALLWAY The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand. SLOANE PETERSON. SLOANE She. 74 CU. the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard him sneeze. ROONEY He has a suspicious look on his face. NURSE She's a picture of compassion and understanding. He nods grimly to the Nurse. watches the nurse curiously. NURSE May I see you outside for a moment? There's been an emergency. TEACHER Roosevelt's health had seriously deteriorated by the time he met with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta. As she gathers her books she looks to the GIRL next to her. is sitting at her desk in a history class. like the others. SLOANE (whispers) Dead grandmother. TEACHER AND NURSE The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece of disturbing news. She's staring out the window as a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry.

SECRETARY Do you still want his number? Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. She puts the call on hold. ROONEY Ed Rooney. ROONEY How are you today. MAN'S VOICE Ed? This is George Peterson. She stops and answers the desk phone. Peterson's daytime number? As the secretary starts out of the room. She smiles and backs out. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's at his desk. Rooney's phone rings. I see her alot with Ferris Bueller. His secretary is standing across from him. His suspicions are confirmed. ROONEY Could you get me Mr. Rooney is startled. Rooney smiles. He thinks for a beat then reaches for the phone.ROONEY Dead grandmother? INT. He punches the phone button. Can you hold? Thank you. I had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane. SECRETARY It's Mr. Peterson said. SECRETARY Edward Rooney's office. (pause) Yes. sir? MAN'S VOICE We've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard. . Peterson. ROONEY Who's this girl's going with? SECRETARY It's so hard to tell. SECRETARY That's what Mr.

I want to see this dead grandmother firsthand. Peterson. please. You produce a corpse and I'll release Sloane. Rooney covers the phone. ROONEY What!? SECRETARY Ferris Bueller's on line two. 75 INT. gosh. sure. Nervy litttle punk. I'm all broken up. you can just come on down and smooch by big old ugly ass. She stomps her foot. She turns to Rooney in horror. Rooney tries to wave her away. 76 INT. ROONEY (whispers) It's Ferris Bueller. The secretary stops cold in the doorway. And. He's angry. Huh? Oh. 76 75 . ROONEY I'll tell you want. SECRETARY'S OFFICE She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other line. ROONEY I heard.Rooney rolls his eyes. It's so obvious it's not Mr. It's school policy. you don't like my policies. He covers the phone. She's waving her arms furiously. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line. Was this your mother? Rooney's other line rings. She hurried into Rooney's office. SECRETARY Ed Rooney's office. I'd be happy to release Sloane. She puts the call on hold and hangs up. SECRETARY Hold. You hear me? The secretary comes in. Her jaw drops. I'm gonna set a trap and let his walk right into it! (to phone) That's right. Cart the stiff in and I'll turn over your daughter.

He speaks in the same voice he used on his father. ROONEY He winces as he returns to the first call. ROONEY He blinks. The phone's cradled against his shoulder. CU. sir. ROONEY'S FACE A mask of horror. PHONE Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting call. 77 INT. fastening his belt. He's doing a deep. FERRIS' VOICE Thank you. What's the matter with you. 78 INT. CU. 79 INT. KITCHEN Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. anyway? 79 78 77 . DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY'S FOOT It freezes in mid-tap. He nods. ROONEY'S HAND The pencils falls from his fingers. FERRIS' HOUSE. phoney "father" voice. ROONEY He's staring blankly ahead. CU. CU. cocks his head. PHONE The second line light is flashing. He glances at the phone. FERRIS Mr.CU. FERRIS' ROOM He's zipping his pants. twitches. CU. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb you at work but I was wondering if it would be possible for my sister to bring home any assignments from my classes that I may need. CU. CAMERON You oughta be sorry for Christ's sake! A family member dies and you insult me.

KITCHEN Cameron lays into Rooney. CAMERON Call me sir. ROONEY I don't know. CAMERON This isn't over yet. Do you read me? ROONEY'S VOICE Load and clear. CAMERON That's better. ROONEY Absolutely! I most certainly am. Ferris! What is Rooney guesses my voice! FERRIS Impossible. Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone. sir. Mr. You have to know. I can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I am. You just make sure my daughter's out in front of the school in ten minutes. I thought you were someone else. CAMERON (clears his throat) I don't have all day to bark at you so I'll make this short and sweet. He's perspiring. You're doing great. that I would never deliberately insult you. Peterson. ROONEY He apologies profusely to Cameron. trembling. buster. Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the conversation. Cameron covers the phone. CAMERON (to Ferris) I'm scared shitless. 80 81 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. 81 . goddamn it! ROONEY'S VOICE Sir. CAMERON'S VOICE Pardon my French but you're an asshole! Rooney nods enthusiastically.80 INT.

moron. 82 CU. The phone flies out of his hand.. He covers the phone. FERRIS (mouths) Great! Cameron smiles proudly. You be out in front with her! I wanna have a few words with you! Ferris slaps Cameron. FERRIS Talk! Cameron takes a deep breath. We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS. ROONEY He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK! We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE. He's said the wrong thing. I don't have time to talk to you. I don's want anyone around. THEN CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT. Cover it. CAMERON'S VOICE On second thought. CAMERON I want my daughter out in front of the school in ten minutes. Ferris smacks Cameron. He clears his throat and puts on his father's voice. CAMERON I changed my mind. By herself. fella. He holds the phone out to Ferris.Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up. 83 82 .. FERRIS' KITCHEN Cameron's rubbing the side of his head. 83 INT. CAMERON You do it! Ferris waves his arms angrily. Cameron panics. We'll get together soon and have lunch. CAMERON What'd I do? FERRIS Out in front my herself? It's too suspicious! He'll think something's up.

God.CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me? FERRIS Where's your brain? CAMERON I asked you first. you're so stupid! (aside) I didn't hit you. make me do a phoney phone call on a dean of students. . really. Cameron's anger is intensified by his embarrassment. CAMERON You hit me. Look. really? FERRIS Yeah. a man who could squeeze my nuts into oblivion and then you deliberately hurt my feelings. CAMERON Oh. don't ask me to participate in your crap if you don't like the way I do it! Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. sick. being me over here. make me jeopardize my future. You get me out of bed. FERRIS I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings. I lightly slapped you. FERRIS How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's going to be there with her?! CAMERON I said for her to be there alone and you freaked! FERRIS My. CAMERON I was home.

84 . right? Not that is was necessarily all you fault. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear. FERRARI STALLION The prancing black stallion. He appreciates Ferris apology. We move up from the stallion to the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. I'm going to have to ask you for a small favor. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris looking at the car. Cameron's jaw drops. I'm sorry. dramatically as we hear a heraldic fanfare. CAMERON Thanks. GARAGE The door opens slowly. FERRIS Cameron? CAMERON Stick it up your ass. CAMERON You're serious? He turns around. Ferris is smiling with excitement and awe. Ferris. I didn't mean to jam you. FERRIS Cameron. FERRIS You did screw up through. CAMERON Hey. 84 INT.Cameron glares at Ferris. Cameron stops. Right? CAMERON (suspiciously) Why? FERRIS To fix this situation. CAMERON AND FERRIS Cameron's face is ashen. The end of the world is at hand. FERRIS Dead serious. CU. He turns and heads out of the room. Ferris? Have a nice life. Cameron smiles. It was uncalled for. Ferris sighs.

It has a market value of $265. FERRIS Whatever miles we put on it. this is real simple. We can't take is out. FERRIS We can't pick up Sloane in your car. Peterson drives that piece of shit. Less than a hundred were made. I'm sorry but there's nothing else we can do. It is joy. He has it tatooed on his wrist. FERRIS He doesn't trust you? CAMERON No. we'll take off. Ferris. FERRIS Alright. CAMERON Ferris. CAMERON It's not a piece of shit. Look. FERRIS It is his fault he didn't lock the garage. it is his love. my father loves this car more than life itself.Ferris is in heaven.000. Rooney'd never believe Mr. FERRIS A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile. CAMERON He knows the mileage. He puts his arm around Cameron. . I don't even have a piece of shit. look. FERRIS It's a piece of shit. it is his passion. CAMERON (grim monotone) 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Ferris. He just rubs it with a diaper. Cameron. Don't worry about it. I have to envy yours. CAMERON He never drives it. My father spent three years restoring it.

Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her books. FERRIS 87 86 85 . She stops as Sloane and Rooney walk past. FERRARI GRILLE Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar of the twelve cylinders. Jeanie watches her suspiciously. proud smile) We'll drive home backwards.CAMERON (suspicious) How? FERRIS (big. Ferris. 87 INT. CAMERON What about Rooney? FERRIS Cameron. 85 INT. FERRARI Ferris is driving. I'm sorry but... the more obvious we are. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses. CAMERON Forget it. SCHOOL The Ferrari is parked out in front. Cameron shakes his head..You're not talking me into this one.. I'm putting my foot down. CU.. CAMERON'S VOICE . CAMERON That makes no sense whatsoever. CAMERON Are you crazy?! Put the top back up! FERRIS This is perfect top-down weather. Cameron's in the back. no. the less likely we are to get caught. The top is down. I have to live with the man. You'll have to think of something else. The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a crowded school hallway. JEANIE She comes out of a classroom. 86 EXT.. SCHOOL.

She was a terrific lady. SCHOOL. CAMERON Howcome it's my Dad's car and I'm taking all the risk and I have to ride back here? FERRIS I don't have an explanation. SLOANE I guess that's my Dad. She sees the Ferrari pull away.The adult mind is a suspicious machine. Something does compute for him. Cameron squeezes himself lower. DEEP VOICE Oh. FERRIS Hurry along now! EXT. Um. 89 INT. SCHOOL Rooney's suspicious. Rooney watches her. ROONEY Once again let me say how deeply saddened I am by your loss. SCHOOL Rooney and Sloane come out the door. Sloane! Dear! Sloane looks across at the Ferrari. SLOANE Huh? ROONEY Were you close to your grandmother? SLOANE Oh. JEANIE She's watching out the door. Very. Very hip. Thanks. See ya. Yeah. Sloane smiles and bids Rooney a hasty farewell. She hurries to the car. THEIR POV Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. 88 EXT. (look around at Cameron) Stay down. man. 89 88 . He's careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline. Very old. Yeah. Rooney looks.

91 92 EXT.90 EXT. FERRIS Either would I." CAMERON Don't tell me we're not going to take the car home. Please. FERRARI It accelerates away like a shot. the question is "what aren't we going to do. FERRIS (to CAMERA) If you had access to a car like this would you take it back right away? Would you give up feeling like a ton just to ease your best friend's tension? He smiles. You comfortable? CAMERON Hi. No. SLOANE What a fabulous car! CAMERON Enjoy it quick. She leans across the console and gives Ferris a kiss. SCHOOL. ROONEY He can't quite put his finger on what's bothering him. STREET. it was bold but it was totally necessary. FERRIS It was risky. SLOANE What're we gonna do? FERRIS The question isn't "what are we gonna do". 92 . Cameron. It' s going home. FERRARI Sloane shrieks with delight. SLOANE This is so great! I can't believe it! Right in front of Rooney! She laughs and turns to Cameron. 90 91 INT. SLOANE Hi.

Cameron's having stomach trouble. TELLER Ferris Bueller? FERRIS He's at the window. On either shoulder are Cameron and Sloane. FERRIS Hello. It's about four inches higher the highest beehive you're ever seen. I'm married. I'm as chipper as can be. Cameron and Sloane walk in. How are you? TELLER She pats the rock-solid mass of blue hair. Mrs. Ferris smiles. ZZ Top.. Froeling. SUBURBAN BANK A fresh. Froeling. Cameron blanches. Ferris is cocky and confident. She smiles when she sees Ferris. DOORS Ferris. She's been at the bank since they opened. BANK. Mrs. Sloane's still intoxicated with her freedom. 94 . Ferris leads the way to an open teller window. (something occurs to her) Say. BANK. so I'm a little pooped but other than that. FERRIS (to Cameron) And this is my brother-in-law. The clock outside read 9:53.Madonna. She withdraws it from the hair and smiles at it's reappearance. ZZ. Sloane suppresses a laugh. The Ferrari pulls into the parking lot. As she moves the beehive hits a small sign over her head.. This is my wife. TELLER I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. In doing so she locates a missing ball point pen. this is Mrs. INT. should you be in school? FERRIS He lays his savings bonds on the counter. modern bank building. Froeling. 93 94 INT.93 EXT. In fact. TELLER A WOMAN about seventy with a silver blue beehive. FERRIS Me? (polite laugh) I'm out of school.

Cameron isn't amused. TELLER (to Cameron) Is Top a Slavic name? CAMERON Yeah. FERRIS I'd like to cash these in, please. We're having a baby and we need the cash for a crib, clothes, diapers, food pellets, leash, water dish... INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling takes the bonds with a hearty smile. The latter part of the conversation sails over her like a line drive. TELLER A baby! (to Sloane) You must be so excited. Cameron groans and turns away from the sham. SLOANE I'm thrilled, ma'am. I'm especially looking forward to wearing those jeans with the stretch panel in front. Mrs. Froeling thumbs through the bonds. TELLER Are you hoping for a boy or a girl? SLOANE Actually, we're hoping for a car. CU. CAMERON He's spooked by the games playing. He scans the bank nervously. He blinks, focuses, blinks again. HIS POV Joyce is with a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE and their bored, sour-puss teenage son, BOYD. He's sitting in a chair with his legs slung over the sides waving a Bic lighter back and forth across his rump. The parents are Joyce's clients from Vermont. A LOAN OFFICER is discussing the local financing situation with them. His is an open office adjacent to the teller windows. Joyce's back is to the tellers. CU. CAMERON

It's like he's just witnesses an ax murder. CAMERON Shit... INT. BANK. JOYCE Her back is to the teller windows. She's conducting her meeting. Behind her we see Cameron grab Ferris and point her out to him. He waves. Cameron slaps his arm. INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds. TELLER These bonds aren't mature. If you hold onto them another two years you'll get an additional four dollars... FERRIS I'm aware of that. TELLER You're throwing away four dollars. FERRIS No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the government. They need it. Do you know what an aircraft carrier's going for these days? INT. BANK. JOYCE She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out. INT. BANK. DOOR Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce. JOYCE Mrs. Froeling, how are you? MRS. FROELING I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. (shifts gears, to Joyce) Say, you must be very proud. Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about. MRS. FROELING (whispers) I met Madonna. She pats Joyce on the arm.

MRS. FROELING She told me everything. Keep me posted, I'll want to send a gift. She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are completely baffled. 95 EXT. BANK Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking lot. JOYCE My son's home sick today. If you wouldn't mind, on our way back to the office, I'd like to just run in and check up on him. We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car. MOTHER Of course. They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look on proudly. 96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE His secretary is dialing a number for him. SECRETARY This is the Peterson's home. She hands the phone to Rooney. SECRETARY Watch your mouth this time. Rooney glares at her. ROONEY Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's no doubt in my mind. That's what I was saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped. He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this thing now. See? The secretary nods. SECRETARY And her grandmother, too. 97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an 97 96 95

ROONEY Who gives a good goddamn? 101 EXT. CAMERON'S VOICE You have reached the Coughlin Bros. Rooney stares at her like she's crazy. The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk. goddamn it.. the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil Building. Mortuary. CAMERON'S HOUSE His answering machine clicks on. ROONEY And I'm going to stop it! SECRETARY My brother-in-law'll appreciate it... Rooney looks at her. 100 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney hangs up the phone. SECRETARY There's a railroad strike. puzzled. If you need to reach us we'll be at the following number. 99 EXT. We hear Cameron's voice. We are unable to come to the phone right now but if you'll leave your name and number. In the distance we see the Sears Tower. ROONEY Something's going on. EDENS EXPRESSWAY The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the suburbs.. 98 INT. We've had a death in the family. 101 100 99 98 .awful lot like Sloane. She's not listening to him. The Ferrari streaks past. ROONEY What? SECRETARY My brother-in-law rides the train to work. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney quickly takes down a number. SLOANE We can't come to the phone right now.

EXT. FERRIS 103 . 103 EXT. JEANIE Go piss up a flagpole! KID Huh? 102 She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall. She's flabbergasted at the proportions her brother's scan has reached. SCHOOL. GARAGE Ferris. CAMERON We can't leave the car here! FERRIS Why not? CAMERON Because we can't! I want it back home where it belongs! SLOANE What could happen to it? CAMERON It could get stolen. We're collecting money to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney.. HALLWAY Jeanie's walking down the hall. scratched. Cameron's having fits. CHICAGO LOOP. wrecked. The kid yells after her. KID Heartless wench.. PARKING GARAGE The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage. babe! Some day you might need a favor from Ferris Bueller! Then where'll you be?! He reaches for the can. She's stopped by a KID with a Coke can. Jeanie stares at him. KID Yo...102 INT. KID They run about fifty g's so it you could help out. KID Hey. Sloane and Cameron get out. you name it.

CAMERON What guy? CU. CAMERON Yeah. PARKING ATTENDANT He smiles with relish at the car. no revving engine. please. Earring. Do you have to be so graphic? She heads down the street. PARKING LOT The Attendant swaggers over to the car. The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. An IQ that equals his hourly wage. ATTENDANT Like it's a beautiful woman. sure. EXT. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the exit ramp of the garage. FERRIS Great. 6'6". okay? He pats the Attendant on the arm. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly. . I want to you take extra special care of this vehicle. FERRIS I appreciate it. He smiles. They exit the garage and head after Sloane.I'll give the guy a five to watch it. SLOANE This is so right! Ferris nudges Cameron on. Cameron. SLOANE Oh. FERRIS See what a finski can do to a person's attitude? He's going to treat it like a beautiful woman. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a hairnet Gold teeth. FERRIS You speak English? ATTENDANT Since I was three. Another attendant jumps in the passenger side. Goatee. It's gone in the entrance and out the exit. Ferris turns to Cameron. very carefully. No squealing tires. 240. Ferris slips him a give. Whip it with a stick and piss on the hood.

The wire from the bedroom door is strung over the top of the closet door. She gets out and heads up the house. Downstairs. CLOSET The closet door is open. ROOM. FERRIS' SYNTHESIZER Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring. He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of the lot. DOOR KNOB The wire is tied to the doorknob. tall. WE HEAR THE SNORING. It heads down the street away from Sloane. we hear a door open and close. 108 INT. The snoring it simulated. 105 INT. INT. HOUSE. CU. 106 INT. Ferris and Cameron. CU. 109 INT. ROOM. HOUSE. We hear soft snoring. FERRIS' HOUSE 104 Joyce's care pulls in the driveway. 104 EXT.He's skinny. HALLWAY Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room. the trophy lifts up off the yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's original position. As the bedroom door closes. DOORKNOB Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a crack. She's smiles with relief and affection. 107 INT. with a huge knit hat willed with dreads. CU. STAIRWAY Joyce quietly walks up the stairs. HALLWAY Joyce listens at the door another beat. HER POV The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves. There's a figure in the bed. FERRIS' ROOM It's dark. 109 108 107 106 105 . It's taut. She listens at the door. A trophy is attached to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick. JOYCE She smiles and closes the door. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet door to the door to the room itself.

110 EXT. OBSERVATION DECK The three are leaning against the glass. As it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows. FERRIS Now. Are we gonna stay long? FERRIS Take a step back. shit! HER POV The street far. reluctantly. Ferris steps back. Sloane and Cameron follow suit. Like this. putting all his weight on his forehead. From our vantage point here on the 103 floor. SEARS TOWER OBSERVATION DECK Ferris. CAMERON I don't feel good. Michigan.. lean against the glass. we are provided with a view of four states. Indiana. SLOANE Oh. 111 INT.. CAMERON (VO) Do you think the car's alright? FERRIS (VO) Illinois. Sloane leans forward. A dizzying view. INT. SLOANE What if the glass gives? FERRIS Death. LATER 110 HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the world's tallest building. FERRIS And look down. far below. He leans forward. Cameron and Sloane are standing against the window. Cameron follows. Ferris. FERRIS (VO) This is the world's tallest building.. Wisconsin and my personal favorite.. SLOANE 111 . SEARS TOWER.

Cameron follows. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE Giant old monolith. 117 116 115 114 113 112 . HORACE FRYE. They dance past the giant Calder mobile. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the gallery watching the proceedings. SEARS TOWER LOBBY Ferris and Sloane bound down the escalator. FERRIS AND SLOANE I BEEN ALL 'ROUND THIS GREAT BIG WORLD AND I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF GIRLS YEAH. tough and humorless. 113 INT. is standing on the street corner. HIS POV The Ferrari screams down the avenue and disappears down the underground ramp. They're singing. GALLERY Ferris. 112 EXT. STREET Ferris and Sloane burst out the doors garnering the annoyed stares of the business people busily going in and out of the building. TRADING ROOM Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities. CAMERON He's looking down. STREET LEVEL A middle-aged man. 117 INT. Cameron politely waits his turn to exit. CAMERON'S FATHER I think I see my car. FERRIS AND SLOANE I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS! 115 EXT.Cool. CU. BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET BACK IN THE STATES BACK TO THE CUTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA 114 EXT. He's lean. clean. 116 INT. Cameron's father. Ferris and Sloane head down the street. CAMERON I think I see my Dad. Cameron follows glumly. He's wearing a puzzled look on his face.

FERRIS Would you want to get married? I mean if I wasn't an asshole. FERRIS Would I trash a day of education to be with you if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. Ferris puts his arm around Sloane. FERRIS (serious) Today? Sloane stares at him. That was a lie. FERRIS Would I risk damaging a deep and wonderfully enriching relationship with my parents if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. FERRIS True. SLOANE Sure. You? SLOANE Yes. FERRIS I'm game. FERRIS Yes. SLOANE No way! . FERRIS Would I have introduced you as my wife if I didn't love you? SLOANE Wait a minute.SLOANE Do you love me? FERRIS Do you love me? SLOANE I asked you first. Is he serious.

FERRIS Huh? CAMERON If your blood's not compatible. CAMERON I'll give you two.FERRIS I'll do it. if you will. My mother and father. The state requires a blood test. why not? Think about it. CAMERON You need a blood test. you could produce a pinhead. FERRIS Why not? SLOANE What do you mean. SLOANE I'm not getting married. Ferris looks around at him. CAMERON They're married and they hate each other. Cameron suddenly adds his two cents. CAMERON I'm with you. Ferris and Sloane look at him curiously. FERRIS So? CAMERON So. FERRIS Tomorrow? CAMERON If you get a blood test today. give me a good reason why not. (to Ferris) You've seen them. you can't get married today. Am I right? . FERRIS Besides being too young and your father hating my guts and not having any place to live and feeling awkward about being the only cheerleader with a husband. babe.

SLOANE (to Cameron) It was pure selfishness. I thought so. CAMERON It makes me puke. When I have a kid. Then BLAM! It's over. He hates his wife. So what? It's not like it doesn't happen ten thousand times a day. She keeps a pretty good secret. He dropped us like a rock. CAMERON Yeah. SLOANE Consider this. SLOANE My parents are divorced.my father canned me and my brother and my Mom for a twenty five year old dipso with fake tits. It's not something I can get comfortable with. That parental love might not be a given. SLOANE Do you think they're staying together because of you? Cameron hasn't seen it that way.FERRIS You're father's a toad and your Mom's always wired out. That's natural. I don't care how much I want . He shrugs.. Are yours divorced? CAMERON They may as well be.. but so what? They're old. Everything was cool at our house. He loves the car. FERRIS (to CAMERA) This is all news to me. It's like the car. We all thought so. I've tried. Are you comfortable with it? SLOANE No. SLOANE Do they like you? It hasn't occured to Cameron that his parents might not like him. Sure. CAMERON Just because it happens doesn't make it right. Seeing people treat each other like that.

too. . I'm gonna think about it. (points to Sloane) Sorry. But I'm gonna try not to. It's out of your hands. It's a common trait with my age group. you know what? It ain't up to you. When you split from them. Adults think it's cute. SLOANE They call the shots. it's like a charming quick that infests youth. SLOANE Well. FERRIS Frightening choice of words. I should just sit back and watch it crumble? SLOANE You're merely an inhabitant in their universe. SLOANE Yeah. I in other words. thank you. CAMERON So. She's taken. deep down. SLOANE What? FERRIS Let's go feed Cameron. forget it. if it's gonna screw-up the kid. CAMERON I'd rather not have my family break apart. CAMERON So. CAMERON You could change. But it's a cool thing and I think.something. you call the shots. She's saying it's time for lunch. you're saying I should run away? FERRIS No. FERRIS (to CAMERA) She's not lying. FERRIS This is optomism. crusty old shits wish they had some. They wish they had her. I'm gonna try to prevent it.

HIS POV His fingers runs down to a party of three for 12:00. I'm Abe Frohman. 119 EXT. The maitre'd looks at Ferris curiously. MAITRE'D (to Ferris) May I help you? FERRIS Yes... Sloane and Cameron are standing in the restaurant. Party of three for 12:00.They stand up and head out. He ignores her.. 118 INT. If you have trouble finding the door. RESTAURANT A French restaurant on the Gold Coast. FERRIS Is there a problem? MAITRE'D You're Abe Frohman? FERRIS I'm Abe Frohman. TRADING FLOOR 118 It explodes with activity in response to Ferris' shout. Ferris hangs back a moment. He cups his hands to his mouth. Ferris is looking at the maitre 'd's reservations book. Sloane tugs Ferris' sleeve. ANNOUNCER Commodity prices rose sharply today in unusually heavy trading. FERRIS BUY! And he exits. Cool and casual. It's noon. 120 INT. INT. We HEAR A RADIO ANNOUNCER. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. son. He yells at the top of his voice.. RESTAURANT Ferris. I'm very busy right now. RESTAURANT The maitre'd returns. 120 119 . MAITRE'D (chuckles) I'm sorry.

(to the Maitre'd) Call the police. FERRIS I'm not going anywhere.Abe. Cameron chokes. FERRIS You touch me and I yell "rat!" There's another phone around here.FERRIS Are you suggesting that I'm not who I say I am? MAITRE'D Shall I call the police? CAMERON Let's go.. Find it.. LATER Ferris. RESTAURANT.. let's split. Sloane grits her teeth. CAMERON Ferris. FERRIS Ask for Abe Frohman. The maitre'd backs off. please? SLOANE Cameron's right. RESTAURANT The maitre'd motions for the phone so that he can answer the call. CU..I'll call myself. FERRIS Not a chance in the world. The maitre'd smiles smuggly. Better yet. He hands the phone to Sloane. We're gonna get busted.. Sloane and Cameron are seated in the restaurant. Go ahead. INT. The maitre'd is hovering over Ferris.. INT. . MAITRE'D I appreciate your understanding. (grabs the phone) . PHONE Ferris punches out a number. A beat and the restaurant's second line lights up and the phone rings. Ferris waves him off angrily.

Ferris smiles. but I had a wonderful teacher. SLOANE Oh. He manipulates my parents. 122 121 . FERRIS And you thought we wouldn't have any fun. MAITRE'D Enjoy your luncheon. FERRIS Thank you. Cameron is flushed with nerves. FERRIS Darling. JEANIE (VO) Ferris Bueller's days are numbered. JEANIE (mean. Ferris disappears behind his menu. Sloane is impressed. babe. FRIEND Why? What's the point? JEANIE Why? Because I'm sick of the little dope. Shame on you. She's talking to a FRIEND. 122 INT. you were wonderful. dear friend? Cameron looks to Ferris. GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM Jeanie's sitting on a bench in a field hockey uniform. (wicked pause) Well. She yanks angrily on the velcro strap on her sneakers. The maitre'd backs away. Just leave us to our repast and all will be forgotten. FERRIS Cameron. 121 EXT. he does whatever he wants. The straps rip off in her hand. today I'm the hammer. Charles. whenever he wants and he never gets nailed. SCHOOL We HEAR HALLWAY SOUNDS AND JEANIE. vicious) I'm gonna bust his buns.FERRIS Don't grovel.

JEANIE Who does? Her friend smiles sheepishly. I'm considerate. She displays the velcro straps to her friend. JEANIE Rachel? Jeanie's friend shrugs. it's an established fact that you have no taste. I'm polite. Just forget it. I get pissed off and this is what happens! Jeanie tosses the straps on the floor. I work hard. JEANIE Forget that everybody thinks I'm an . JEANIE Let me tell you something. He's not charming. JEANIE Rachel's a dirt bag. does everything but verbally confirm. Except morons. decent person should be and you know what? FRIEND Everybody thinks you're an asshole. I'm friendly and fair to all kinds of people. you sympathize with him. JEANIE Sweetie. JEANIE See? My brother strokes you. I study hard. I try to be everything a good. Jeanie freezes with her next sentence pinned to her tongue. He's not nice. He's an ignorant mule and the sooner everybody in this school comes to that realization the better off we'll all be. Ferris is not cute. wags her head. JEANIE Excuse me? FRIEND I don't think you're an asshole. He's not a wonderful person.FRIEND I think he's cute. Who else? FRIEND I don't know.

GODDAMN IT! . JEANIE Would everybody be happier if maybe I were to die in a flaming car accident or something? FRIEND Maybe if you didn't cat like and asshole. JEANIE Me? I have a problem? FRIEND Somebody who threatens to sock people's tits has a problem. A fat fifty year old clod with B. Jeanie. Her friend exits. That's exciting.. JEANIE Am I acting like an asshole? FRIEND I didn't mean it that way. hey. I have my period! MY BODY'S RIDDING ITSELF OF OLD EGGS.asshole? Would you like everybody to think you're an asshole? FRIEND Not everybody thinks you're an asshole. Rooney likes you.O. JEANIE Oh.. JEANIE I this a conspiracy to shit all over me or something? Is my brother behind this? Tell me if he is or I'll sock your tits. JEANIE Alright. FRIEND Take a walk. Jeanie. Mr. likes me. FRIEND You really do have a problem. How about if I sock your face? Jeanie's friend gets up. JEANIE (yells after her) If it means anything to you. Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief.

Her body is a transport vehicle for her anger. It really upsets him. A toilet flushes. The thing with taking his old man's car? It's good for him. We hold a beat. Then I met Cameron and I saw how his family functioned. What he said about his parents hating each other? I refuse to sleep over at his house. It teaches him to deal with his fear. JEANIE He's gone. you couldn't pry his buns apart with a crowbar. It used to worry me. Basically. and I must be honest here. CHEZ PAUL Ferris is standing at the urinal. FERRIS When they go after each other. I love driving it. He's monkey meat. He's over. That's why he's sick all the time. Is there anything worse than being at somebody's house when their parents are fighting? It's the absolute height of social discomfort. He crosses to 123 . He wasn't lying. I highly recommend picking one up. He zips this trousers and steps away from the urinal. 123 INT. Plus. He checks his hair in the mirror. Cameron tightens up. He looks down at the urinal. Even when I'm there. He exists the men's room. FERRIS She's a person who views life as an ordeal that must be endured.She snarls and slumps against the lockers. His parents fight all the time. I don't know where she gets this shit. It's scary. He gets so wadded-up. FERRIS I wonder if everybody shoots at cigarette butts in urinals? Probably not many women. the family's pretty cool. MEN'S ROOM. (continues) I used to think that my family was the only one that had weirdness in it. Another beat and Tom walks out of the stall. FERRIS Cameron's home life is really shit.

Ferris slides over to the table and drops into his seat. FERRIS What are you doing? Cameron looks at Ferris. FERRIS Yo. RESTAURANT Cameron and Sloane have been served their lunches. He puts his napkin in his lap and smells his plate. They're staring at the plates. They chew tentatively. I don't speak French. A WAITER passes. He savors the taste. 124 INT. CAMERON I knew it was a mistake letting Ferris order for us. 124 . Clouseau! The waiter stops and looks at Ferris indignantly.the sink. FERRIS I think it's a land-based beefoid creature. Ferris stops him. But it looks like it's already been eaten and digested. It's not bad. CAMERON What is this shit? FERRIS You got me. CAMERON Really? FERRIS Superb. FERRIS Good? Sloane and Cameron shrug. CAMERON What is it? SLOANE I don't know. Cameron and Sloane try theirs. FERRIS Splendid. He takes a bite.

RESTAURANT Tom and his two GUESTS are standing at the curb. talking. colorless fluid containing digestive enzymes? The home of the world famous isles of Langerhans? CU. huh. FERRIS . FERRIS He pats his mouth with his napkin. WAITER He turns away as Sloane and Cameron spit out their food. He looks to Cameron and Sloane. A 125 . FERRIS Check. CU.. holds it a beat and gives a cue. FERRIS He watches Sloane and Cameron then glances at the waiter. please! 125 EXT. And what might that be? WAITER Pancreas. SLOANE AND CAMERON They look at each other. CU. knowing that he's spoiling the kids' meal. FERRIS Uh. FERRIS He continues his questioning. WAITER He nods broadly. CU.FERRIS I have a growth on my brain that causes memory lapses. Could you tell me what we ordered here? The waiter glances at the plates. CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON They stop chewing. He raises a finger. WAITER Sweetbreads.. They're holding their sweetbreads in their mouths. CU. FERRIS As in the gland that has important functions in digestion and metabolism? CU.That secretes a thick.

CAMERON They turns on cue at Tom. turns toward the restaurant. Ferris. He turns to the cab. The bold survive. Let's go. Behind the backs of the men. They approach the cab. DISPLAY CASE Baby chicks are hatching in a huge. Ferris scoots Sloane into the cab. CAB DOOR HANDLE A man's hand reaches for the handle as the cab pulls away. FERRIS No way.000 restaurants in the downtown area and I pick the one my father goes to. STREET. Sloane and Cameron come out of the restaurant. 126 EXT. Sloane. CU. Only the meek get nabbed. OVERHEAD SHOT The main gallery is crowded with school kids. holding hands looking like giant grade schoolers. CAB Ferris slams the door. FERRIS 40. Cameron dashes in. INT. MUSEUM. Ferris. 127 126 . Sloane and Cameron slowly approach the cab. now in the B. MUSEUM. Sloane and Cameron turn slowly.G. MUSIC COMES UP. INT. MUSEUM. The Ferris hops the cab. MUSEUM OR SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY The grand old Chicago museum. Ferris stops cold. Cameron. 127 INT.. EXT. Sloane and Cameron.cab is waiting. INT.G. EXT. In the B. Among the second graders are Ferris. Tom's back it to Ferris. CAMERON We're gonna get nabbed. CAB Tom and his party are still jawing at curbside. The door's open. SLOANE. FLOOR A class of kids walking along holding hands. for sure. FERRIS. round incubator. RESTAURANT Tom and his guests watch in bewilderment at their cab takes off.

green swath of water. 128 EXT. COAL MINE Sloane. The MUSIC ENDS. feigning a massive heart attack. CAMERON (VO) Are you guys worried about nuclear war? FERRIS (VO) Cameron. INT. SLOANE. HIGH SHOT From the Merchandise Mart. PROPELLER For the first time in forty years. INT. A tiny human being in a jar. clutching his heart. the screw turns. INDUSTRIAL DISPLAY Sloane operates a metal press to produce a tin ashtray. we're traveling down one of American's most scenic polluted waterways and you have to bring up nuclear war? SLOANE (VO) 128 . GERMAN U-BOAT Ferris is examining the controls of the captured U-Boat. Ferris and Cameron ride in the coal train in the coal mine replica. looking down the fetid. MUSEUM. we've won our freedom. CU. SLOANE (remorsefully) I wonder if he has a name? FERRIS (blank) Ninth Month. INT. The ninth month. FERRIS. CHICAGO RIVER. walk-thru replica of a human heart. CU. LONG. MUSEUM. HEART REPLICA A giant. CU. HUMAN FETUS IN A BOTTLE The famous stages of life display which features bottled fetuses. He checks to see if he's being watched then he presses a button and pulls a lever. Ferris and Sloane are making out. Ferris staggers out of it. A boat is rolling up the man-made canyon. INT. Cameron's stomach is in his throat. Ferris is lost in thought. CAMERON Sloane wants to cry. MUSEUM. it's a beautiful day.Ferris and Cameron are intently watching the process.

It's with us every day. The boat makes the turn in the river and CLEARS FRAME.. It's not like somebody came up with the nuclear holocaust yesterday at noon. The possiblity of global destruction. SLOANE (VO) To answer your question. BOAT DOCK The three are sitting on the aft deck of the tour boat. very relaxed. All the old hippies are full of shit. We do know. SLOANE (VO) Don't you think it's an issue because people need something to worry about? They have to like. FERRIS (VO) We don't know when the bombs going off. FERRIS They used to have Viet Nam. They used to have the oil crisis stuff and Iran. you know. FERRIS He's full of shit. EXT. CAMERON (VO) Regardless.. have some major problem that puts all their little bullshit into some kind of persepective? CAMERON (VO) Maybe. Very casual. however. that college starts in the fall. That's over and people have to have their big issue. Their feet are up on the railing. Discussing the end of the world. Cam. I'm not worried about it at all. it's real cold and the skiing's for shit. SLOANE (VO) Yeah. CAMERON (VO) (dramatic. Everybody's dead.No.It is kind of raggy subject. deadly serious) Do you know what a nuclear winter is? Long beat. SLOANE My step-father's always going off about how when he was young he was committed to all these causes. .

A loud speaker on the boat identifies a point of interest. The three look to the left. CAMERON I feel better now.SLOANE He says I don't care about things like he did. this is all very interesting but I'm starving. FERRIS. FERRIS An hour ago you wanted to yack. CAMERON The Sears Tower. FERRIS What's he care about now? SLOANE Baldness.. FERRIS One of the most frightening experiences of my young life has been observing my parents and our neighbors playing the Baby Boom Edition of Trivial Pursuits. It's chilling to see people crazed with the minutia of their past. FERRIS I rest my case. CAMERON It's human nature to like what you had better than what you have. fatty meats and money.. An obtuse thought flashes through Sloane's brain. . LOUDSPEAKER TO YOUR LEFT IT THE WORLD'S TALLEST BUILDING. LOUDSPEAKER. SLOANE. CAMERON You know. They took over when they were young and they never gave it up. CAMERON What's spooky is they still control everything. SLOANE Agreed. FERRIS Lean over and grab a fish. Cameron looks over the side of the boat.

Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his bile-green LeBaron. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE Rooney's secretary is behind her desk. JEANIE It's reprehensible to squeal on your own flesh and blood. STREET.and it'll continue to piss me off and I'll get so wadded-up that it'll cause cervex cancer and he'll ruin my life. Jeanie walks in. Rooney peels off his shades and looks around like he's Dirty Harry. Slide across to the sidewalk. 129 EXT.but it's for his own good. JEANIE Is Dean Rooney in? SECRETARY I'm sorry. Jeanie.SLOANE What comes after a nuclear winter? FERRIS Nuclear spring. FIRE HYDRANT . CU. Can I help you? JEANIE (condescending) I seriously doubt it. His cavalier attitude will get him into trouble later in life. 132 EXT. In his mind he is Dirty Harry. he's out. She slips into the Dean's outer office. He left the grounds on personal business. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement. SECRETARY Hello.. 130 INT.. CURB 132 131 130 129 A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops... CU. 131 INT.. Who's bothering you now? Jeanie scowls at her. SCHOOL Meanwhile. The secretary looks up and greets her with a weary smile.. Screw him. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE Jeanie is having a small moral debate with herself. When's he back? SECRETARY I don't know.

He ties his lace and pulls up his sock. STREET Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy hot dog joint. CU. CU. He can't think of anything to say. It's a GIRL. HIS POV A young person is playing a video game in a far corner. suburban businessmen. secretaries. She puts the straw to her lips and sucks. The player turns around. CU. It's loud and confusing. ROONEY He's still staring. CU. 133 INT. GIRL Holding the straw in the mouth.Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. HOT DOG STAND It's jammed with construction workers. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD MOVE IN on the player. ROONEY The blood evacuates his face. CU. she draws it out of the cup. He stares at the girl. ROONEY (OC) Your ass is mine. She picks up her Coke. GIRL 133 . ROONEY He squints CU. pointing it directly in Rooney's face. The player looks up. She raises it. CU. ROONEY (OC) I've been waiting a long time for this. Rooney pushes his way in and scopes the crowd. GIRL She stares at him. EXT. CU. It look sort of like Ferris. He smiles and cuts into the crowd. ROONEY He suspects it's Ferris.

ROONEY Who's winning? HOT DOG MAN Cubs. He shakes his stinging paw. STANDS Ferris sits down with the baseball. ROONEY What's the score? HOT DOG MAN Zero to zero. Ferris leans back. He does a little celebration dance. FERRIS I think I broke my thumb. She looks at them with disgust. you broke your thumb. NAPKIN HOLDER A hand yanks a napkin hold. There's a long foul ball. puts his hands behind his head and turns his face to the bright sun. what's left to do? Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. The TV camera returns to the game. INT. Rooney nods and exits. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. Cameron's scarfing nachos. It's Ferris. HOT DOG STAND. 134 EXT. WRIGLEY FIELD. Rooney wipes his suit off. The TV camera zooms in on the boy triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. SLOANE You got a call. The TV camera follows the ball into the stands. Behind him is the kitchen and a grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game. Rooney glances at the screen. Rooney wads up the napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. 134 . SLOANE No wonder you're always sick. CU.She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face. A kid makes a stab at the ball. SERVICE COUNTER Rooney wipes his face. SLOANE Can we leave now? FERRIS You want to leave? We just got here.

It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY. FLOAT Riding atop on a float is Ferris. he has to admire Ferris for his lack of inhabitions. A blue Fiat pulls into the shot. As worried as he is about the day and getting caught. JEANIE I can't believe my brother's making me put myself in a position where I could get expelled. school kids. CAMERON It's hard not to. HIGH SCHOOL. Floats and politicians. FIAT Jeanie's at the wheel. STATE STREET 137 136 135 A parade is underway. I'm gonna get you. SLOANE AND CAMERON They're watching Ferris go by. drum and bugle corps. SLOANE Do you believe in reincarnation? CAMERON Huh? . They wave to him. (pause) Ferris? You're overshadowed me long enough.. SLOANE I love him. buddy.. He's leading the girls in singing. She sneaks a glance at the school..want. Marching bands. right now I'd be in gym? 135 EXT. He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens. 137 EXT. EXT. Cameron mumbles a few words.water..FERRIS Do you realize that if I played by the rules. She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot. STATE STREET.. PLAYING FIELD A boy's gym class is doing laps. 136 INT. "DANKE SHOEN". EXT. soldiers. CAMERON Stop. STATE STREET. He's waving to the crowd. Figure skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines on pavement. Cameron breaks a smile. Selfish little moron..

the guy who went around the world. EXT. . FERRIS Guten tag. SLOANE I could see him ignoring popular belief and taking off on some impossible mission. You know. he was Magellan.SLOANE Do you believe that you lived before? CAMERON Yeah. SLOANE DO you ever wonder what you were? CAMERON I don't have to wonder. They step out of the crowd and head down the street in the direction the parade's heading. CAMERON I was a tractor tire. I know. reaching down from the float. CAMERON What were you in a previous life? SLOANE I'm not sure but I think I know who Ferris was. STATE STREET. STATE STREET Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation. Sloane laughs at herself. SLOANE From the A-Team? CAMERON No. Sloane looks at him with amazement. Sort of. SLOANE I think if he was anybody. dude! EXT. The guy who rode the elephants into Switzerland. shaking hands with people in the crowd. Cameron nods. CAMERON Hannibal. FLOAT Ferris is on his knees.

SLOANE True. I can't handle anything. FERRIS WELL. There's nothing he can't handle. isn't it? Cameron doesn't understand what she means. SHAKE IT UP. the future. CAMERON Yeah. STATE STREET. CAMERON I don't know what I'm gonna do. but to do what? . BABY. COME ON. As long as I've known him.CAMERON Yeah. The girls on the float are singing. School. NOW! GIRLS SHAKE IT UP. SLOANE College. but it's an option. SLOANE AND CAMERON They continue their conversation. STREET. SLOANE The future's worse for a boy. COME ON. BABY FERRIS TWIST AND SHOUT! GIRLS TWIST AND SHOUT! FERRIS COME ON. everything works for him. No options is worse. Ferris can do anything. parents. EXT. FLOAT Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian. BABY ON! COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT! GIRLS WORK IT ON OUT! EXT. SLOANE A girl can always bail out and have a baby and get some guy to support her. CAMERON That's a pretty grim thought.

STREET. The sons is taking over all the other tunes in the band. We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT" GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER. STREET. CAMERON What do you think Ferris is gonna do? EXT. CHOIR GROUP . EXT. POLICE OFFICER YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD! EXT. WOMAN YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE! TODDLERS LOOK SO FINE! EXT. STREET. STREET. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER He's singing. They walk on for a few beats. SLOANE Me either. TEENAGER COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT.SLOANE What are you interested in? CAMERON Nothing. PUNKS A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk. NEWSPAPER SELLER TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT. MARCHING BAND They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT. BLACK TEENAGER He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat. STATE STREET. STREET. It's infecting the entire parade. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER He singing along. STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along. PUNKS LOOK SO GOOD! EXT.

POLITICIANS AND WIVES AH! EXT. VETERANS Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms. 138 EXT. STREET. FLOAT Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale. SLO-MO. EXT. VIEWING STAND The CLERGYMEN stand. FERRIS AH! EXT. WIDE AND HIGH The entire parade is at frenzy pitch. Suddenly.They're marching down the parade. DECK The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT".. CLERGYMEN AH! EXT. Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. Like the opening shot in Star Wars. STREET. They're singing in their angleic voices. STREET. STREET. STREET CLEANERS KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! EXT. PARADE AHHHHH! The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE. The Starship Ferrari. 138 .. CALUMET CITY The Port of Chicago. STREET CLEANERS With their brooms ready. STREET. VIEWING STAND The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up. CHOIR AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! EXT. gritty waterfront. STREET. STREET. Grim. VETERANS AH! EXT.

Broad. Ferris. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM. EXT. COMPUTER It acknowledges the doorbell. RASTAMAN His eyes are closed. STREETS. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney behind the wheel of his car. Big smile. SLO-MO. excited smiles. CU.CU. HOUSE. CASSETTE PLAYER It clicks on. KIDS They're looking up in the air. FERRIS Who is it? Rooney presses the intercom. looks up and down the street. Mouth open. FRONT PORCH The house intercom activates. HOUSE. 140 INT. I'd like to have a word with you. The car's shadow passes over them. FERRIS' HOUSE Rooney gets out of his car. PARKING ATTENDANT His eyes are wide with exhilaration. He looks at the house. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition. FOYER Rooney's at the front door. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. EXT. SLO-MO. SLO-MO. 139 CU. 141 INT. then crosses to Ferris' house. We see him peek in a window at the top of the door. CU. SLO-MO. CU. following the car as it flies over them. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE. I could take a nasty spill down the 142 141 140 139 . tongue out. 142 EXT. ROONEY This is Ed Rooney. The doorbell rings. CAR GRILLE It fills the frame and stops. Maniac at the wheel.

But's it's highly suspicious. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition. 143 INT.stairs and subject myself to further school absenses. ROONEY B. There's a pause.. 144 INT. HOUSE. Rooney leans back from the door. Rooney rings the doorbell again. ROONEY I'm not leaving until you come down and talk to me. His voice clicks off. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside. LIVING ROOM Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows. Rooney presses the intercom again. 144 143 . FERRIS' VOICE You can reach my parents at their places of business. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day. ROONEY Don't get smart with me Ferris! FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now.. FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Come down here. It will be remembered long after this illness has past. He can't quite figure out what's going on. There's no response. The pre-recorded litany starts over. Rooney presses the intercom. ROONEY I'm not leaving. Ferris. KITCHEN Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window. Thank you for stopping by. FERRIS' VOICE You may reach my parents at their places of business. HOUSE. Rooney presses the intercom again.S.

one goes the other.. into the dining room. FERRIS You don't think it's amazing that we got in? SLOANE Who wants to get in? FERRIS Cameron looks like a toddler. this is nauseating me. It will be remembered long after. Through the kitchen. He hears the dog. Really. CU. I'm talking about 146 145 . Sloane is embarrassed and revolted.FERRIS' VOICE I appreciate your conern for my well-being. FERRIS She's probably schizophrenic. DOGGIE DOOR A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of gnashing teeth and foam. His face freezes. for Christ's sake. FERRIS AND SLOANE They're sitting in a booth in the garish.. CAMERON How does she do that? One goes one way. EXT. CU. HOUSE. BACKDOOR A black rubber doggie door. FERRIS Have a nice day. CAMERON. We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL. nearly deserted strip joint. SLOANE Ferris. Rooney is crouched down. HOUSE. ROONEY He's peaking through the door. 145 EXT. He lifts the doggie door and peeks in the house. I'm losing respect for you by the bucket. LARGE BREASTS Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers. Cameron's mouth is open in amazement. HIS POV Along the kitchen floor. The type that allows a dog to come and go as it pleases. 146 CU.

You seemed to change. you lies when you said you loved me and I had no cause to doubt you. Act one was when we met. But consider why she does it. A boyfriend. I've never known. You acted strange. Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness. I'm a romantic. Fate had me playing in love. He flips his collar up. A child.a major achievement in false identification.. FERRIS You know. do-wop track FADES UP. And we feel it. And SAT scores and acne aside. we worry about lonliness. Maybe she lost somebody. curls his lip and affects an Elvis impression. You may think because I'm the age I am that I'm a sex maniac. I think alot of people my age are. He climbs up on the little runway. someone said the world's a stage and each must play a part. You read your lines so cleverly and never missed a cue. That sex is all I think about.. A parent. He strolls slowly through the empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of blue light. A lover. The stripper disappears in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight. Ferris stands up from the booth. Then came act two. Why she does it and you don't. FERRIS Point well taken. But that's not true. It's a terrible thing. We think about love and matters of the heart. SLOANE I'm not a tramp. A sappy. But I'd rather go on hearing your lies than to go on living without you. with you as my sweetheart. And why. SLOANE I'm not interested in watching someone jiggle their mammary glands. I loved you at first glance. Now. FERRIS Maybe her life fell apart. FERRIS Honey. the stage is bare and I'm standing there with emptiness all around and if you won't . The club lights go down. I feel it. (to CAMERA) This kind of thing makes me a little depressed.

He HIS POV The Attendant and the Rastaman are glowering at him. Ferris lip synchs with the big.. She's shaking her head slowly.. He freezes. dramatic florish that was the King's trademark ballad sign-off.come back to me. CAMERON'S FATHER He shakes his head. JEANIE She's furious. MICHIGAN AVENUE Afternoon traffic. 150 INT. 147 EXT. TAXI CAB 150 149 148 147 at the car. Elvis fades up. ELVIS IS YOUR HEART FILLED WITH PAIN? SHALL I COME BACK AGAIN? TELL ME DEAR. CAMERON'S CAR Cameron's father is looking looks terribly familiar. Like the King would. 149 EXT. She's staring incredulously into the distance. CAMERON'S FATHER No. ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? Ferris drops his head. It leans into the open car and see if the contents will confirm looks up slowly. then they can bring the curtain down... ATTENDANT You looking for something in my car? CU. He's studying it.SAVE FERRIS BUELLER. He reaches for the glovebox to if it's his. 148 EXT. Her mouth's open. . CU. JEANIE I'm gonna microwave his nuts. JEANIE Jeanie's standing at her car. no. They're holding bags of fried chicken. FERRIS' TOWN. The orignal recording. DOWNTOWN STREET. HER POV Spray-painted on the town water tower in gigantic black letters -.

Ferris is talking to the DRIVER. Sloane's in the middle. I have to get the car home.. SLOANE Jump back. Ferris. but it means my ass. Cameron's been a good sport. Ferris sits back. Ferris. Cameron on the other. FERRIS Clearly you've never been to an American high school. what'd you see today? Cameron looks at him. seventy five dollars . He leans forward and reads the driver's name off the city license. FERRIS So. Cameron. FERRIS You saw four states. CAMERON It's getting late.. FERRIS What's your overall impression? DRIVER It's very good here. a giant heart. Yuri.Ferris. FERRIS That hurts. Sloane and Cameron in the backseat of a checker. how long have you been in America? DRIVER One year. Ferris is on one window. FERRIS So. FERRIS Cameron. a submarine. FERRIS Better than Russia? DRIVER Much better here than in Russia. I know you don't care. He puts his arm around Sloane. FERRIS You think I don't care? CAMERON I know you don't care.

TOM'S POV Ferris' frozen face. FERRIS What?! Sloane bursts out laughing. He turns and looks right into CAMERA. INT. Ferris realizes he's looking at something out the window.. FERRIS' POV Tom glances back at his paper. looking bored. CAB. He's frozen. Fakes a yawn. Thinks. She turns and glances out the window. He freezes. He looks away. FERRIS (to Sloane) What's he doing? SLOANE (revolted) He's looking at me and he's licking the glass and making obscene gestures with his hands. HER POV Tom stares at her. SLOANE Roast! She licks her finger and touches Ferris knee. (quizical look) Are you gonna chuck your nachos? Cameron's staring past Ferris. He turns. He pauses.. feet up on the seat. Turns back to CAMERA.worth of cooked pancreas. He's baffled. two of the most incredible breasts ever to come out of modern plastics. with their backs to the back of the front seat. FLOOR. She makes a . their cab is squeezed tight alongside another cab. He's about a foot from Ferris. In that cab is Tom. She's wearing sunglasses. Looks up. Cameron and Ferris are on the floor. TOM'S POV Sloane is sitting where Ferris was. On their asses. major league baseball and. HIS POV In the gridlock traffic.

. 152 EXT. Cameron follows..00 dress shoe. He greets Rooney cheerily. TOM'S CAB Tom's looking into Ferris' cab. He keeps bumping into people. She collapes on the seat in hysterics.sizzling sound.tits. He turns and slowly raises his newspaper over his face. ROONEY He's standing outside the fence. ROONEY That's a $28. DOG The Rottweiler's chewing on a shoe. BACKYARD. His suit pants are torn from the crotch to the knee. We see on the back of the paper a small story with the headline: COMMUNITY RALLIES AROUND SICK YOUTH. 154 EXT. you worthless mutt! HIS POV The Rottweiler leaps at CAMERA. mumbling again. He has Sloane by the hand.. TOM He can't quite figure out what's going on. His hair's messed and there're grass-stains on his knees and elbows. Tearing it apart.please. He's hustling through the crowd.. EXT. The delivery man hops up on the steps. 154 153 152 151 . HOUSE. CAMERON Money. Cameron's a few steps behind. 153 EXT.. He's missing a shoe. A DELIVERY MAN gets out iwth a huge floral arrangement. BACKYARD. CU. HIS POV Sloane's bouncing up and down. INT. He's looking in at the dog. FRONT A florist truck pulls up in front of the house.. 151 EXT. His suit coat pocket is torn off. CITY STREET Ferris is leading the way down Michigan Avenue. HOUSE. He heads up to the house. Rooney looks up at him. PORCH Rooney's sitting on the porch patting a bloody knee with his handkerchief. Ferris and Sloane make the turn at Wacker Driver and disappear into the Stone Container Building. She's jogging to keep up. FERRIS' HOUSE.

FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? The Deliver Man presses the intercom. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry but I can't come to the door right now. I'm very ill and I'm afraid..that in my weakened condition. I appreciate your concern for my wellbeing. DELIVERY MAN Focus on Flowers. DELIVERY MAN Little bugger's dying. A beat and we hear Ferris' recording.DELIVERY MAN Howdy! He presses the doorbell... DELIVERY MAN What's your problem? ROONEY He's one of my students. DELIVERY MAN (to the intercom) Thank you.. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day. (pause) You can reach my parents at their places of business. (continues) I don't know the details.. Rooney is flabbergasted. I have a delivery. ROONEY It's a recording. It will be remembered long after this illness has passed. asshole.. But my boss had to send to Milwaukee to get more orchids. DELIVERY MAN Nobody's home here? ROONEY No. He's very popular. ROONEY What? FERRIS' VOICE . DELIVERY MAN As I heard it from our mailman he was supposedly born with only half a kidney. I could take a nasty spill and subject myself to further school absenses. DELIVERY MAN . Thank you for stopping by.

DELIVERY MAN (happy sigh) It really touches me that so many people are rallying behind this guy. CU. DELIVERY MAN You wanna keep an eye on these? Rooney looks at the flowers. He hands the arrangement to Rooney. RADIO STATION STUDIO The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D.J.. D. is sitting behind his microphone. FERRIS 157 156 155 .. Christ.. We hear her car radio. (pause) I have a guest with me today.. CARD It's signed: ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY THE ENGLISH DEPT. Rooney looks incredulously at the arrangement. STUDIO. He opens the attached card. FACULTY AND STAFF 155 INT. 157 EXT. DELIVERY MAN Gotta run. Then he looks at the Delivery Man. ROONEY (defeated) Oh. 156 INT.J. FERRIS He put his headphones on. D. FERRIS' HOUSE Jeanie's car pull in the driveway. He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck. His name is Ferris Mueller.You gonna be around for awhile? ROONEY I imagine so. I guess there's hope for the human race afterall. I don't know who that was or what they were playing but I apologize for it nonetheless.J.

D. FERRIS It's cool. I think radio's a facinating medium.J. Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio. CU.. it challenges the imagination. you and your listeners are probably not going to believe this but. I used to play records and do introductions to them. CAR ANTENNA The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in the air.000 watt outlet. 158 INT. Steve. Anyway. This is a 50. STUDIO Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone.. I'm in a very pleasant groove right now. Ferris Bueller. SCHOOL A group of kids are sitting around a blaster. I have what I consider to be an excellent broadcast voice. I practise it in the bathroom all the time. FERRIS I'm going to tell a massive lie here. (pause) You know this. 159 INT. it's always been a dream of mine to be on the radio. But I've never had the chance to sit behind a microphone and try it out for real. JEANIE She goes into shock.. (clears his voice.Bueller. radio.. INT. CAR.. Ferris turns to CAMERA. Sorry about that. Unlike television which provides the images. affects a "radio" voice) Well. FERRIS' VOICE . speaks into the mike. It's going to by very thick and very steamy.. her head cocks.I'm the first Chicago area youth 159 158 . D. I'm going out to several million people so let me just say. He has an incredible story. Her eyes blink.J.

I was so pissed off at her reaction to the whole thing that I considered running an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna use Mrs.to be selected to participate in a space shuttle mission. which was not in any way. FERRIS' HOUSE. Heller's home number but is cost too much. car and spaced completely. 160 INT. D. But I can't prove it? I'm in high school. Anyway. STUDIO Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA. How did you get picked for this.J. lit up a 'boro and Mrs. ROONEY . like I was told. SCHOOL. 162 EXT. car. It was weird. I'm so used to getting in a car and lighting up. that I got in the driver's ed. The flower arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog. because I'm not allowed to smoke at home. After I got flunked in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail box. FERRIS I was going to say I knew Springsteen's home phone number and I was going to give out the number of the New Jersey State Police but I thought I might get busted. The car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and I think Rooney pocketed the cash. pulled out of the lot. I was putting out a cigarette. shape or from my fault. FERRIS HOUSE. HALLWAY A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster. remember? He turns back to the DJ. BACKYARD 162 161 160 The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn. Heller looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny out of my nose or something and I realized what the hell I was doing and I went to put it out and hit the mail box. I took it again and passed. FERRIS It's kind of a long story but I've been doing alot of programming for NASA. But I had to work at Burger King to get the cash to pay for the driver's ed. EXT. BACKYARD. 161 INT. They're cheering him on. The broken pieces are all around the dog's head.

HOUSE. JEANIE I knew it! She grabs the phone and sits down. ROONEY His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge. HOUSE. HOUSE.He's smiling with great satisfaction. Bueller there? Where is she? This is her daughter. 167 INT. She's startled by a noise downstairs. He drops down and peek in the windows. The yardstick flings the covers and the pillows beneath them in the air. His head snaps around. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. He slinks up on the porch. ROONEY Sleep tight. FRONT Rooney sneaks around the side of the house.. HIS POV A glimpse of a fleeting figure. The front door's open. 166 INT. HOUSE. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs. She dials a number. Do you know where she is? Do you know when she'll be back? Do you know anything? She slams the phone down. He hears something in the house. She stomps in and turns off the snoring synthesizer. 165 INT. JEANIE The worm has luck like clams have body odor. He looks around the foyer and heads into the kitchen. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie kicks the door open.. JEANIE Is Mrs. 163 INT. 167 166 165 164 163 . He's back and she's going to nail him. pooch. He peeks in. A smile spreads across her face. CU. FOYER Rooney sneaks into the house. 164 EXT.

He hits the deck. INT. HOUSE. 173 INT. Jeanie squeals in horror. back into the kitchen.J. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in the face. D. VOICE Can you stay around and take a few phone calls? FERRIS' VOICE I'd really like to but I have a kidney operation in about an hour. HOUSE. 171 172 INT. She flees back up the stairs. HOUSE. CAR Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear. 169 170 INT. CAR Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the car. EXT.168 INT. CAR Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house. FOYER Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer. 168 169 INT. JOYCE If you're willing to commit a little time and a little money to this place. EXT. 173 . He crosses back toward the foyer. I'm pretty flattered. FOYER Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen. you can really have something to be proud of. KITCHEN Rooney comes out of the den. FERRIS' VOICE My input on the Star Wars defense plan was pretty substantial so I guess this is their way of rewarding me. KITCHEN 172 Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face. 170 171 INT. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an intruder. KITCHEN Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den. CAR Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to the radio.

how are you bearing up? The kid stares at her. JOYCE Did I tell you I have a son your age? BOYD Twice. VOICE A very interesting guy. BOYD How do you watch your mouth? JOYCE Do you know my son? . BOYD Is he going up in the space shuttle in September? Joyce looks around at Boyd. A song starts. She gives him a curious look. The clients get in the other side. I think you'd like him. Joyce gets in. MOTHER Watch your mouth. JOYCE His name is Ferris. Steve. D. Boyd. JOYCE Not that I know of. Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name.Don't let the black living room throw you off. JOYCE (to the kid) Well. FERRIS' VOICE Thanks. INT. CAR The door opens. BOYD I knew he was bullshitting. She opens the car door. Ferris Bueller.J. D.J. VOICE I wish you the best of luck.

PARKING LOT The three are waiting for the Ferrari. KITCHEN Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel. He thinks it's cute to bait adults. okay? I'm very cute. The intercom goes on. It's parked in front of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with parking citations. 174 INT. in our kitchen. Jeanie's face drops. 176 EXT.FATHER Don't pay any attention to him. Rooney stiffens with fear. In the distance SIRENS WAIL. There's another pause. male caucasian. There's an intruder. certainly weird. JEANIE'S VOICE Excuse me. If you have any brains whatsoever. JEANIE This is not a phoeny phone call. We HEAR TIRES 177 176 175 174 . possibly armed. BOYD I don't think it's cute. (pause) My name is Bueller. STREET Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck. JEANIE'S VOICE I'd also like to add that I have my father's gun. I need help! 175 INT. I'm very alone and I'm very protective of my body. I'd like you to know that I have just called the police. And a scorching case of herpes. If whoever's in the house is still in the house. 177 EXT. you'll get your ass out of my house real quick. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. I'd rather not have it violated or killed. JEANIE It's real nice that you hope my brother's feeling better but I'm in danger. She's in a panic. I think it's fun. Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car.

CAMERON Very funny. Ferris hands him the parking stub. CAMERON Nothing. He glances down at the speedometer. Ferris is driving and Cameron is crammed in the back. FERRIS Stunning! He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the passenger seat forward for Cameron. DOWNTOWN STREET The Ferrari cruises through traffic. SLOANE We could go to my house. Then the Ferrari pulls down the ramp and jams to a frightening stop. We return the car. FERRIS We have enough cash left for a quick flight to Peoria and back. FERRIS Just out of curiosity. My parents aren't coming home until late. FERRIS Cameron? How many miles did you say this thing had when we left? CAMERON 178 . 178 EXT. AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. A BLACK GUY jumps out. SLOANE What's next. FERRIS This is probably the last time you'll have to ride back here. Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes.SQUEALING. Keep that in mind. then to the road. FERRARI Sloane's in the passenger seat. what was your top speed coming down the ramp? BLACK GUY (matter-of-fact) About 60. And back to the speedometer. INT. Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in.

CU. We HEAR A THUNDERING. SLOANE You okay? CU. CAMERON His eyes are frozen in a mindless. EXT. . SLOANE She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms. He's trembling. We'll fix it. TRAFFIC The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. EXPRESSWAY The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic.One hundred and twenty six and halfway between three and four tenths. FERRIS He looks at Sloane. Her gesture is one of genuine support. Why? How many miles are on it now? He glances down at the speedometer. CAMERON He's still holding the stare. INT. SPEEDOMETER The odometer reads 432. Cameron. CU. SLOANE Cameron! Cut it out! What's wrong?! Ferris! CU. FERRIS (to CAMERA) Here's where Cameron goes berserk. FERRARI Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron. MUFFLED SCREAM. EXT. He's concerned.7. vacant stare. CU. FERRIS He shoots Sloane a look. He starts to breathe heavily. CU. FERRIS Hey. It's okay.

. INT. Your old man won't know a thing. really.. FERRIS VOICE Who is it? We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom. thank you. The Ferris' tape is activated.. JEANIE Thank. Her jaw goes slack. She blinks her eyes. He knows what he's doing. HER POV 180 179 . She turns back to Cameron. JEANIE I'm saved! Thank you. FOYER The doorbell rings. thank you! She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door. Nothing's a problem for you. She whips it open. SLOANE Shut-up! It is a problem! For him it's a problem. The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs. FRONT DOOR The door swings open. FERRARI Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris. It's completely fixable. 179 INT.FERRIS Cameron. SLOANE What can I do.you. are you okay? It's no problem. 180 EXT. just shut-up. FERRIS Eyes front. Cameron? CU. VOICE Anybody home? FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry that I can't come to the door right now. HOUSE. But it's a problem for him! So. FERRIS' HOUSE. God! Thank you....

ROONEY He looks vacantly at her. CU. myopic GIRL. BUS The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES. GIRL I'll bet you never smelled a real school bus before. The bus stops. The passengers are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and take an empty seat next to a skinny. Spread all around them are more flowers. From inside we hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON BLASTERS. 181 EXT. A school bus is crawling alongside him as kids hang out the windows. She pushes her Coke bottle glasses up on her nose. The bus doors open.The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the door with floral arrangements. KID Hey. DRIVER You want a lift? Rooney takes a few more steps. CU... 182 181 . GIRL She holds her smile. A top forty montage. CU. Mr. The DRIVER calls out to him. GIRL She looks at Rooney and smiles. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET Rooney's walking down the street. NURSE (sings) WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT WE. Rooney! What're you doing? Rooney doesn't respond. A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps up on the porch. ANOTHER KID Did you get in a fight? Rooney keep walking. Rooney takes a deep breath. The door slams shut. 182 INT. He climbs aboard the bus. He stops.

CU. GIRL Gummi Bear? CU. ROONEY He stares at her. BOY A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring at him. GIRL They've been in pocket.CU. the SHOUTING RESUMES. I think Cameron might have blown a micro-chip or two. CU. GIRL She puts one in her mouth. Ferris WALKS INTO THE FOREGROUND. The BLASTERS go back on. FERRIS This may very well be for real. CU. BUS It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet street. 184 EXT. FRESHMAN BOY It's kind of like being in the belly of the beast isn't it? CU. The bus jerks forward and pulls away. He's always been a little keyed-up. Sloane's sitting beside him on the table. She's stroking his hair. CU. BOY He leans forward. CU. ROONEY He turns him eyes to the front. They're real soft and warm. GIRL She holds up a candy package. He addresses CAMERA. ROONEY He looks across to the kid. All I wanted to do . ROONEY He stares at her. 183 EXT. PARK 184 183 Cameron's laying on a picnic table.

FERRIS I'm being tested here. . FERRIS He looks to the picnic table. Then back to CAMERA. SLOANE Ferris? CU. She looks away. CAMERON His eyes are closed. He begins to walk. As much as we like each other. At least no one's ever been in love with him. Then we have the summer. personally. And basically that'll be it. My. He'll work and I'll work. the process of growing up will separate us. That's what my parents call it. We're gonna graduate in a couple of months. It just doesn't work. CU. We follow him. I wouldn't fault anybody for doing that. I'll take infatuation. I would.was give him a good day. be-all of human existance. And she's gonna treat him like shit because he's gonna kiss her ass for giving him what he's built-up in his mind as the end-all. FERRIS (VO) Cameron's never been in love. She won't respect him because you can't respect someone who kisses your ass. And we'll see each other at night and on the weekends but then he'll go to one school and I'll go to another. Conventional wisdom would suggest a visit to the nearest trauma center. Sloane's stroking his hair. FERRIS Sloane's a bigger problem. FERRIS My best friend has flipped-out. He starts back to the picnic table. SLOANE She's studying Cameron's face. How do I deal with that? I was serious when I said I'd marry her. He's gonna marry the first girl he lays. She still has another year of high school. CU. What do they call what they have? If that's love. This isn't just teenage infatuation.

I think this calls for something new, something bold, something wet and wild. 185 CU. JACUZZI JET UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles. CU. BLASTER A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES UP. CU. BEER CAN LID The finger pops a beer. CU. OREO PACKAGE A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper. INT. JACUZZI Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer. Sloane's eating Oreos. FERRIS You feeling any better, Cameron? SLOANE The water's really nice. I wish you'd come in. CU. CAMERON Staring into space. CAMERON Surgery...fire...move... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers her his beer. FERRIS Cameron? Do you think this because of the car or is it a combination of everything shitty in your life? CU. CAMERON He doesn't respond. CAMERON Music...kiss...attack... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS 185

Sloane sips the beer. FERRIS You just can't deal with anymore shit? The car took you into the red zone? Time for a reality check? SLOANE Cameron? I could flip real easy, too. There's nothing wrong with it. At one time or another, everybody goes to the zoo. FERRIS Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe he wasn't bullshitting himself. CU. CAMERON No response. CAMERON Gesundheit...God...mercy... EXT. BACKYARD Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend. CU. CAMERON He smiles. CU. SLOANE She leans forward and stares at Cameron. CU. FERRIS He cocks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to. CU. CAMERON He keels over forward. EXT. BACKYARD Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down, face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for him. UNDERWATER Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water. UNDERWATER

Ferris grabs Cameron's collar and rips him out of the water. EXT. BACKYARD Ferris sits Cameron on the edge of the Jacuzzi. FERRIS CAMERON! CU. CAMERON His eyes are closed. He's lifeless. CU. FERRIS His face is a mask of terror. He shakes Cameron. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. CU. CAMERON A smile spreads across his face. CU. FERRIS He sees the smile. He stops shaking Cameron. EXT. JACUZZI Ferris and Cameron are looking at each other. Sloane's still screaming. She realizes that Cameron's okay. She stops screaming. SLOANE What? FERRIS (Cameron) You asshole! Cameron's smiling. SLOANE What? Ferris starts to laugh. Cameron explodes with laughter. Sloane's bewildered. SLOANE What's so funny? 186 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 186

Jeanie's sitting on a wooden bench with a WASTED TEENAGE BOY in a Triumph t-shirt, long hair, torn jeans, creepers, studs and chains. He's studying her. BOY Drugs?

JEANIE No. Jeanie looks back at him. The boy crosses his legs. Jeanie turns away. I'm serious. BOY Then why don't you go home? JEANIE Why don't you put your thumb up your butt? The boy stares at her. thank you. not yet. JEANIE I don't know why I'm here. . How's that? BOY That's cool. The boy nods. JEANIE Blow yourself. If you've got the time. In a nutshell. BOY I meant. JEANIE You really want to know what's wrong? The boy shrugs. JEANIE Alright. He understands the emotion. I'm straight. are you here for drugs? Jeanie stares at him. I've got the troubles. JEANIE Why are you here? BOY Drugs. BOY You want to talk about your problem? JEANIE With you? Are you serious? BOY Yeah. I hate my brother. Did you shoot him or something? JEANIE No.

It's just an opinion. BOY You know him? . Jeanie stares angrily at him. The boy nods knowingly. Jeanie stares at him threateningly.JEANIE I went home to confirm that the shithead was ditching school and a guy broke into the house and I called the cops and they picked me up for making a phoney phone call. you lose a testicle. JEANIE Excuse me? BOY Excuse you. Partly because he's so bold and partly because he's so right. BOY There's somebody you should talk to. BOY So. BOY Then your problem is you. JEANIE I'd get caught. you're pissed at him because he ditches and doesn't get caught? JEANIE Basically. JEANIE If you say Ferris Bueller. You oughta spend a little more time dealing with yourself and a little less time worrying about what your brother does. JEANIE Why should he get to ditch school when everybody else has to go? BOY You could ditch. BOY What do you care if your brother ditches school? Jeanie stares at the boy.

. INT. JEANIE'S HAND It curls into a fist. I I was thinking And I realized and difference goes to shit. The whole time things over. meditating. CAMERON Thank you. The wheels are turning. SLOANE Come on. what would it be? FERRIS I can't believe you'd think up something like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi right in front of you. FERRARI TIRE It's spinning rapidly.CU. about the future. CAMERON I was just thinking was like. Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage. ACCELERATOR A brick's resting on the accelerator. Ferris. The Ferrari is jacked up. answer his question. Sloane. The engine's racing. holding it down. 187 CU. what would it be? FERRIS Sloane is naked before your eyes and you're thinking about words? SLOANE God bless you. Cameron. FERRIS Bathroom. CAMERON If you guys only had one word. CY. CAMERON'S GARAGE Ferris. SLOANE Really. it doesn't make if the present 187 FERRIS I have a agree with you there. CAMERON I've been thinking all day that if you could only have the use of one word.

Cameron gets up and walks to the Ferrari. FERRIS Cash.SLOANE I'd say. Cameron peeks in the window. FERRIS Hellos' generic. CAMERON It's the only word you could ever use. GARAGE Cameron pulls his head out of the car. FERRIS Hello. SLOANE You wanna be generic? CAMERON It's help. CU. She thinks. running it in reverse. Ferris looks up. SLOANE Love. Cameron smiles at his wisdom.. It's a good choice. FERRIS And what is you loathe somebody? Are you going to say "love" every time you see them? SLOANE It's better than "hello". CAMERON The word is help. . Ferris and Sloane think about it. CAMERON Ferris? It's not working. CAMERON The miles aren't coming off. ODOMETER Nothing's happening. INT..

It squeals out of the garage in a cloud of blue tire smoke. against my family.000 . Cameron shakes his head. I'm gonna do it. Let's crack open the odometer and roll it back by hand. CU. A $50. against myself. CU. CAMERON I got a better idea. SLOANE She smiles proudly at Cameron. CU. FERRIS This is a big U-2 fan. She applauds him. MERCEDES BUMPER Cameron's foot rests on the bumper.FERRIS I thought that might be a problem. A beat and it gives a mighty shove. Now. He has made up his mind and it appears that it won't be changed by anyone but himself. CU. When my father comes home tonight. CAMERON Seventeen years and I've never taken a stand. TIRES It's spinning wildly. It's cool. He walks back around behind the Ferrari. CU. against my past. INT. my present and my future. he's finally going to have to deal with me. I'm taking a stand against my father. FERRIS He turns to CAMERA. CAMERON He's serious and determined. GARAGE Cameron has kicked the Ferrari off the jack. CU. I'm taking a stand. Good or bad. TIRE The spinning tires slam down on the cement. I will take a stand and I will defend it. I will not sit idly by as events that affect me unfold to change the course of my life.

CAMERON It's okay. Then he regains his confidence. THEIR POV The Ferrari travels down the driveway. Cameron. CU. Cameron looks across the street. INT. FERRIS Cameron? One quick question. Ferris and Sloane are bewildered. SLOANE Why? CAMERON I took a stand. You wrecked a car. He's strangely placcid about the impending disaster. HOUSE The Ferrari shoots down the driveway. CU. They look at Cameron. Cameron thinks for a moment. INT. He's proud and bold. across the street. FERRIS No. Why'd you do that? Cameron holds his proud posture for a beat. GARAGE Ferris and Sloane exchange baffled looks. A puzzled look. FERRIS What was that about? SLOANE This has to be a dream. TREE The Ferrari's brief journey ends as it smacks a tree trunk. He shoots a look to Ferris. SLOANE AND FERRIS They're in shock. GARAGE Cameron watches the car go. . Then a look of bewilderment comes over his face.unmanned investment heading backwards down a driveway. FERRIS You trashed the car. EXT. over the curb into the wooded property opposite the house.

188 . Cameron looks at him. Joyce looks at the officer curiously. Second. SLOANE What about your one word? CAMERON You already did it. This is a shock to me. by the way. OFFICER For whatever reasons she did it. OFFICE Joyce is talking with the juvenile officer. I can assure you that her father and I will have a long talk with her. Outside the office. He shakes his head.Ferris looks across the street at the car. First. on the bench. CAMERON It's cool. He smiles. we see Jeanie and the boy making out. FERRIS I think this could work. If you're interested. I want to deal with it by myself. I'm loose. JOYCE She's never been in trouble before. JOYCE I hope so. If I need it again. The gathers her purse and jacket and stands. He raises am impish eyebrow. OFFICER Oh. I don't know why she wasn't at school. POLICE STATION. 188 INT. I'll use it. JOYCE Thank you. I think she'd had a good scare. I don't know why she'd call you with this story about a rapist. FERRIS I have an idea. CAMERON I'm gonna handle it. CAMERON No. I hope you son's feeling better. I appreciate your calling me. thanks.

189 INT. SLOANE I had a great time today. BOY What's your name? JEANIE Jean. WAITING ROOM Jeanie quickly breaks the embrace with the boy as Joyce steps out of the juvenile officer's room. The boy adjusts his pants to better hide his passion. It was pretty cool. JOYCE Don't "hi" me. 190 EXT. young lady. all the guys at the station here are pulling for him. SLOANE You think Cameron's gonna be alright? FERRIS Sure. I guess. JEANIE Hi. SLOANE'S BACKYARD Sloane and Ferris are standing at the back fence. His old man had it coming. What's yours? BOY Garth Volbeck. She's still a little bewildered that everybody knows Ferris was ill. JEANIE (to the boy) If you keep this to yourself. Jeanie wipes her lips and sits up straight.OFFICER Tell him. He'll be okay. BOY For sure. I'd be worried if he'd 190 189 . I think we can probably get it on pretty good. Jeanie reaches down for her purse. He had to so it. POLICE STATION. FERRIS Yeah. Get your stuff. Jeanie stands up.

BEDSPREAD Neatly bundles stacks of bills and rolled coins. It gives us great pleasure to assist 193 .taken my idea. SLOANE You're so smart. BACKYARD Ferris sprints across a backyard. She turns and runs into the house. does a flip and lands on the grass on the other side of the pool. FERRIS I'll call you tonight.765. ANOTHER BACKYARD 192 191 Ferris vaults a fence.33. SLOANE I LOVE YOU! She backs away from the fence. He leaps. springs off.. Ferris jumps the fence and takes off across the backyards. I know it. A significant amount of cash. He runs directly for a swimming pool. 191 EXT.in the amount of $1. He jumps a plaster elf. SLOANE You didn't have an idea. He's approaching it from the side. hits the diving board. SLOANE He's gonna marry me. CU. Sloane watches him go. SLOANE She's writing. Sloane nods.. 192 EXT. A huge smile spreads across her face. MUSIC FADES UP. I'm just real loose. did you? FERRIS Not a glimmer. PIECE OF PAPER We see a portion of the typewritten letter as she signs it. FERRIS No. Sloane smiles knowingly. He kisses her. ". CU. 193 CU.

EXT. Sloane Peterson Executive Director The Ferris Bueller Foundation" 194 EXT.you in performance of your worthy and much needed survives to those so desperately in need. Ferris moves to the side. HIS POV Rooney's looking down at him. CU. 197 196 195 194 . He glances in the mirror. CAR. The Woman looks up curiously. The toe of a chewed-up dress shoe steps INTO FRAME. TOM He realizes it couldn't be Ferris. HOUSE Ferris runs through the kitchen. He reaches down and lifts the doormat. HIS POV. The car pulls around him. A car honks. Joyce pulls in from the other direction. MIRROR We see Ferris cut across a front lawn and into a house. It's locked. CU. He's holding the house key. He smiles. HOUSE. Sincerely. The key's gone. CU. Tom's at the wheel. fixing dinner and out her backdoor. FERRIS' STREET He's running down the middle of the street. 197 EXT. 195 INT. BACK PORCH Ferris tries the door. FERRIS' HOUSE Tom pulls in the driveway. past a WOMAN. He parks and gets out. INT. FERRIS He stares up in horror. He does a take. 196 EXT. An OMNIOUS CHORD IS STRUCK. PORCH Ferris stands up. PORCH The outline of a key in the dirt under the mat.

JEANIE . ROONEY How does another year of high school sit with you? Suddenly. EXT. Ferris limps into the house. She feigns joy and relief. you're alright! We've been worried sick! CU. Jeanie looks out. His victory is evaporating. There's no way out. FERRIS A moment of curiosity. ROONEY He's dumbfounded. Rooney. ROONEY His eyes dart from Ferris to Jeanie to Ferris. Rooney gloats severely.ROONEY Looking for this? FERRIS Yes. PORCH Jeanie breaks the embrace. JEANIE Can you imagine someone as sick as Ferris trying to walk home from the hospital? (shakes her head) Kids! CU. the backdoor opens. JEANIE (to Rooney) Thank you for bringing him home. Then it dawns on him what's happening. CU. He smiles. (to Ferris) You better get up in bed tight now. CU. This time I finally got you. ROONEY I got you. Ferris is caught. She rushes Ferris and hugs him. JEANIE Thank God. Mr. Ferris.

he has Jeanie to deal with next year. lost. Kimberly feels her head. 198 INT. Not only has he lost Ferris again. A huge smile passes over her face. He looks at his little brother. 200 199 198 . KIMBERLY (to Todd) Is he serious? TODD I think so. shit! Ferris takes out a bottle of orange juice out of the refrigerator and drinks straight from the bottle.She raises her hands and strikes a karate pose. FERRIS No. YARD. 200 INT. 199 EXT. TODD Ferris? Does my head look like it's getting bigger? Ferris leans against the counter as he tries to catch his breath. KITCHEN Kimberly and Todd are sitting at the kitchen table watching TV and eating cereal. but Kimberly's is. KIMBERLY Oh. ROONEY He senses new danger. Jeanie comes in. bewildered face. Rooney squeezes his eyes shut. CU. He crosses to the refrigerator and opens it. dejected. EXT. His head pops up off the grass. ROONEY A look of terror as he realizes that is was Jeanie who kicked him and that Jeanie knows it was he who she kicked. DOG The click of the door wakes him up.C. CU. PORCH Jeanie steps into the house. GROWL. We hear AN O. CU. HOUSE The door closes on Rooney's defeated. They look up at Ferris as he comes in from outside.

JEANIE You don't have to. JEANIE You don't have to. Mom! 204 INT. He affects a sickly voice. I'll pay you back. FOYER The foyer is jammed with floral arrangements. FERRIS By the way. plants and gifts. SECOND FLOOR LANDING Ferris and Jeanie stop. JEANIE No problem. FERRIS Upstairs. 201 EXT. KITCHEN Ferris and Jeanie exit the kitchen as Joyce and Tom enter. I've been ripping off your wallet for years. guys. Jeanie. 202 INT. Ferris and Jeanie step gingerly through the flowers and head upstairs. Ferris gives her a proud smile. JOYCE (OC) Ferris! Ferris continues up the stairs. HOUSE Joyce and Tom head up to the kitchen. JOYCE (to Todd and Kimberly) Hi. 204 203 202 201 . HOUSE. FERRIS It's completely cool.FERRIS Thanks. I borrowed some cash from you. FERRIS I want to. KIMBERLY Is my head swelling up? 203 INT. JEANIE I'm sorry I've been riding your buns for so long.

There's no point pushing yourself and making it worse. You're sick. brushes the crumbs off his hands and peels off his shirt. But stay away from his brother. FERRIS Maybe you're right. TOM I know I'm right. Dad. I want to go to school. thank you. really. They walk over to the bed. JOYCE Honey? CU. No sooner are the covers over him than the bedroom door opens and Joyce and Tom walk in. Tongue out.JEANIE Do you know a guy named Garth Volbeck? FERRIS Vaguely.. TOM Ferris. Joyce leans over and kisses him forehead. JOYCE How did you get so sweet? 205 . Ferris walks into the room. BEDROOM Tom and Joyce hover over him with deep concern. don't make me stay home again. FERRIS I'm much better. I'm graduating in June and I. TOM (OC) Ferris? How do you feel? He pulls in his tongue to speak. Joyce sits down. 205 INT. Please.. JEANIE Is he cool? FERRIS He's cool. eyes bulging. He climbs into bed. FERRIS The same deathly face he had in the morning. FERRIS (deathly gasp) 150% better.

CU. life is a carousel. breathing joy and delight. He and Joyce exit. He rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his head. Ferris looks at CAMERA. FERRIS The hideous face. Tom pats Ferris on the rump.FERRIS Years of practice. A beat and we HEAR THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSE. A great big crazy ball of pure living. FERRIS You gotta get one. MUSIC UP BIG END TITLES THE END . He smiles. FERRIS (happy sigh) Yeah.

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