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SCREEN MAIN TITLES IT'S SILENT. A BEAT...AND AN EXPLOSION OF SOUND. A HOUSEHOLD IN THE MORNING. KIDS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL. CLOCK RADIOS. KITCHEN APPLIANCES. SHOWERS. FIGHTING. PEOPLE YELLING. DOG BARKING. APPLIANCES BUZZING. CAR HORNS. IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE YOUR HOUSE DID. STREAMS OF ROCK'N ROLL FADE IN AND OUT. HUEY LEWIS TO LIONEL RITCHIE TO HUSKER DU. SURROUND MAKES IT FEEL LIKE YOU'RE IN THE ROOM. AN AURAL TOUR OF A HOUSE ON A SCHOOL MORNING. BEGINING IN THE KITCHEN AND MOVING UPSTAIRS. FATHER'S VOICE (TOM) Where's my wallet?! SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY (TODD) YOU IDIOT!! TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL (KIMBERLY) MOM! TODD SHUT-UP! EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL (JEANIE) I NEED A TOWEL!! TOM JOYCE! KIMBERLY (whispers, sadistic) When you turn ten, your head's going to swell up real big like a watermelon and we're going to have to put you to sleep like they do with a dog. TODD MOM! TOM JOYCE!! JEANIE WHO PISSED ON THE TOILET SEAT!? MOTHER!! TOM 1
Where's Mom? TODD Is my head going to swell up? TOM What?! JEANIE OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!! MOTHER (JOYCE) (screams) TOM! The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP. TODD What's that? KIMBERLY Wait! Hold still! TODD What?! KIMBERLY You heads starting to swell up!! Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the hallway. A door open. TOM (breathless) What's the matter? JOYCE (worried) It's Ferris! TOM What's wrong? JOYCE (snaps) What's wrong? For Christ's sake! Look at him! 2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA. His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side. 3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties. Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed 3 2
for work. TOM Ferris? JOYCE He doesn't have a fever. But he says his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots. 4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS His lifeless eyes blink. 5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead. TOM What's the matter, Ferris? JOYCE Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy. Tom takes one of Ferris' hands. TOM (discreetly) Should you call the doctor? JOYCE (whispers) He doesn't want me to. TOM Why don't you want Mom to call the doctor? Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can manage is a choked gasp. TOM What? Ferris tries again. FERRIS (raspy) Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up. He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down. FERRIS I have a test today. I have to take it. I want to get into a good college so I can have a fruitful life... JOYCE You're not going to school like this. (to Tom) Maybe I should call the office and 5 4
A major pill. Jeanie. She glares at Ferris.. If I was bleeding out my eyes.. Jeanie. defeated) You're really letting him stay home? I can't believe this. God! He's gripped by a seizure. His body stiffens and he chokes. fine. are you? Tell me you're not falling for this. I feel perfectly. FERRIS Is that Jeanie? I can't see that far. JEANIE (angry. What's this? What's his problem? JOYCE He doesn't feel well. you guys'd make me go to school. TOM That's enough. TODD and sister. JOYCE (annoyed) Thank you. His older sister. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. KIMBERLY Myocardial infarction? JOYCE . Jeanie? JEANIE Pucker up and squat. She's cute and stuck-up. Ferris. right. walks into the room. Jeanie. JEANIE You're not falling for this. KIMBERLY peek into the room. JEANIE. Dry that one out and you can fertilize the lawn. Cherish it. JEANIE (to herself) Oh. Be thankful that you're fit and have your health.Oh. It's so unfair. FERRIS Please don't be upset with me. JEAN Oh. I wanna puke. She's dressed for school. She slips out of the room. Ferris' brother. FERRIS I'm okay. Mom.tell them I won't be in. Get to school. JEAN Yeah.
You're both very special people. KIMBERLY (OC) A WATERMELON! TODD (yells out the room) Shut-up! JOYCE Get downstairs! NOW! Todd backs out of the room.. too. if you need me. I'll just sleep. Maybe I'll have an aspirin around noon. FERRIS 6 . Daddy'll be right down. She turns sharply and exits. TOM I'll check it with you. FERRIS It's nice to know I have such loving. FERRIS I'll be okay. TODD (worried) Dad? Does my head look alright? JOYCE Get downstairs! Now! TODD Just answer me one question! Is it swelling up? Kim said it was going to get as big as. 6 CU. KIMBERLY Syphilitic meningitus? That would be a huge family embarrassment. caring parents.. TOM Get downstairs! KIMBERLY If he dies. My office'll know where I am. I got dibs on his stereo.Get your stuff. JOYCE (to Ferris) I'm showing houses to the family from California today but I'll be in the area.
It's physical evidence of illness. The MTV theme music ROARS IN. FERRIS Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. They close the door. FERRIS Parents always fall for the clammy hands. BEDROOM. And to make them work you have to go a hundred and one. pumpkin. Ferris' eyes shift from the door to CAMERA. JOYCE I hope you feel better. 8 CU. 10 INT. FERRIS They bought it. Tom pats his shoulder. The MTV logo is playing. FERRIS Ferris lets out a wheeze. sweetie. The pall of the sickroom disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight. hundred and two. (looks out the window) What a beautiful day! He turns from the window.He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids. The lock clicks. Parents are generally pretty hip to the fever scams. It's a good. A sly. 9 CU. TOM (OC) Call if you need us. His glassy eyes follow his parents to the door. TOM Get some rest. 7 INT. JOYCE (OC) We love you. TV SCREEN The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. JOYCE She strokes Ferris' hair. BEDROOM Ferris yanks open the drapes. You get a nervous mother and you end up in a doctor's office 10 9 8 7 . non-specific symptom. little smile crawls across his lips. She leans down and kisses his forehead.
What's the point? I'm not European. moaning and wailing. This If I have must FERRIS is my ninth sick day with semester. It's moulded into a fin with shampoo. So. That wasn't bullshit. Inside the shower. FERRIS Fake a stomach cramp and when you're doubled over. 12 INT. 11 INT.and that's worse than school. He pops up. just lick your palms. 12 11 . FERRIS I do actually have a test. He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV broadcast. So. everybody needs a day off now and then. How can I be expected to handle high school? He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. It's littered with Jean's debris. FERRIS That I care about it was. who gives a shit if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists and it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. A NEW SONG begins. I'm probably going to to barf up a lung. It's a beautiful day. He turns on the shower water. SHOWER STALL. He steps into the shower. Ferris' hair is standing straight up. Right? He equalizes the sound a little. really. I mean. It's a little stupid and childish but then so if high school. I don't plan to be European. I absolutely make this one count. Through the pebbled glass of the shower door we see Ferris' outline. He exits into the hallway. FERRIS I don't care if you're fifty five or seven. BATHROOM. go for ten. BATHROOM Ferris walks into the bathroom. FERRIS It's on European socialism.
TWIST AND SHOUT.. He opens his door. Or and "isms". FERRIS (OC) I'm not very political? Let me put that into perspective. Just like that. Two weeks. It took you twenty years to find out you don't believe in anything?" (snaps his fingers) Grounded. "I don't believe in Beatles. 14 INT. he was the Walrus. A person should not believe in an "ism". FERRIS (sings) WELL SHAKE IT UP. FERRIS My uncle went to Canada to protest the war. They can be real touchy. BABY. 14 13 .." A good point there... "Isms".He turns the shower head around and uses it like a microphone. 13 INT. So I said. John Lennon said it on his first solo album. He should believe in himself. He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it. "What's the deal. FERRIS I could be the Walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off people. FERRIS Not that I condone fascism. right? On the Fourth of July he was down with my aunt and he got drunk and told my Dad he felt guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam. HALLWAY. Uncle Jeff? In wartime you want to be a pacifist and in peacetime you want to be a soldier. He's drying his hair with another of a different color. He passes CAMERA and goes into his room. I just believe in me. in my opinion are not good. LATER Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. Afterall. BEDROOM Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed. (pause) Be careful when you deal with old hippies.
I do what I can for him.. Nostalgia is her favorite drug. too. 16 . (pause) My parents never allowed Garth over here. I'd appreciate it. if I was him. But Garth isn't his brother. She only puts out so people will hang out with her. She got old. There was no specific thing he was crying about. she hears memories. right? Anyway. He's in jail. CLOSET The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts.. There's an old model of a submarine on the top of the dresser. "Nothing". He opens his underwear drawer. Alot of fights with the parents on that point. He finds a shirt he likes. I was sleeping at his house once and I was laying on the dark worrying that his brother was going to come in and hack me to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying. I'm probably his only friend. I could see them not wanting his brother here because he is a registered psycho. Mainly his older brother. It'll probably be mine.15 INT. I wouldn't want him here. BEDROOM He walks across the room to his dresser. which is complete bullshit. Do unto others. It isn't his fault that his brother's screwed-up. He pulls out a pair of underwear. FERRIS His name is Garth Volbeck. He picks it up. I hope not. It was because of his family. If she listens to the White Album now? She doesn't hear music. his mother owns a gas station. But she lost it. It's sad but I don't hold it against her. I asked him what was wrong and he said. Better to hold it against the guys who use her and don't care about her. He drops the towel. FERRIS In eighth grade a friend of mine made a bong out of one of these. I mean. He's a serious outsider. Nothing was wrong. Not a bad guy. FERRIS My mother was a hippie. 15 16 INT. He steps back from the closet and puts it on. His father's dead and his sister's rumored to be a prostitute. The smoke tasted like glue. I always felt for Garth. I like him. I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of artificial fruit just so he could see what it was like to have his stomach pumped. He gets dressed as he speaks. .
He just cried himself to sleep every night. How could you possibly dump on guy who has to deal with that kinda shit? My parents acknowledge the trudge of the situation and I'm sure that deep down. TV and food. now my parents have a legit argument. He's lost. Gone from school. It's over for him. FERRIS You have to plan things out before you take the day off. he wasn't really even aware that he was crying. FERRIS 18 17 . He crosses to the pantry. FERRIS Unfortunately. HOUSE. He's wearing a completely different outfit. FERRIS That and boredom. His legacy is a gas station. The guy's so conditioned to grief that if he doesn't feel it. He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet door. Gone from life. It was a habit. Alot of people ditch and feel great for about an hour. He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice. He doesn't like what he's wearing. He continues his speech as he disrobes. He's getting one on his own. STAIRCASE Ferris comes down the stairs. Then they realize there's nothing to do.In fact. he can't sleep. cut loose and enjoy. KITCHEN Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the refrigerator. 18 INT. 17 INT. they do feel for him but still the guy's banned from our house. Figure that shit out. I myself have ditched and gotten so bored I did homework. Garth doesn't need his brother to give him a rep anymore. Otherwise you get all nervous worrying about what to do and all you get is grief and the whole point is to take it easy. FERRIS One very serious danger is playing sick is that it's possible to believe your own act. He's eighteen.
when everybody's out of school. CAMERON FRYE.. A telephone rings OVER. FAMILY ROOM. modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. is laying in bed. 21 INT. he looks at someone like me and thinks. He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos. He sets it in his lap.yes. Plan your day. 19 INT. FERRIS He remote controls the TV on.no. floor strewn with used tissues. 23 INT.. And it's not always recognized. you're going to wish you'd gone to school so you could be out having fun.. We don't see his face. A high school boy. FERRIS That's just one reason why I need a day off every now and then.. nightstand a still-life of over the counter remedies. FERRIS Some guy whose hair is falling out and his stomach's hanging over his belt and everything he eats makes him fart. what's he got to bitch about?" 20 CU. dreary sick room. Do it right.shelter. 22 EXT. BOY'S BEDROOM It's a dark... CAMERON Food. rich future ahead of him. PHONE He punches out a number. FERRIS There's alot of pressure at work in my age group. FERRIS Avoid the misery. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY is playing.You blow your day and at about three o'clock. 23 22 21 20 19 ... Shades drawn. He's mumbling random words. FAMILY ROOM Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair. ANOTHER HOUSE A sleek. He reaches over and picks up the telephone. only a silhouette with a thermometer sticking out his mouth. A prime house in a prime location. "This kid's young and strong and has a full.
The phone rings. Ferris disconnects. Cameron slowly hangs up the phone. CAMERON'S VOICE I can't. FERRIS' VOICE How do you feel? CAMERON Shredded. Come on over. I'm sick. CAMERON'S ROOM Cameron's insistant. Now. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker phone button. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry to hear that. CAMERON I'm dying. I can't go anywhere. Ferris. 24 INT. Get dressed and come over. FERRIS Ferris is sprawled out in the chair. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM. 25 24 . CAMERON She's not home. Where are you? FERRIS' VOICE Home. FERRIS I'm taking the day off. FERRIS' VOICE Is your mother in the room? Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth. CAMERON I feel like complete shit. CAMERON (weak) Hello? FERRIS' VOICE Cameron! What's happening? CAMERON Very little. come on over and pick me up. FERRIS It's all in your head. 25 INT.
He has alot of things to sort out before he graduates. Pardon by French but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass. 26 INT. I've come close myself.. it's Cameron. FERRIS' VOICE You're not dying. TEACHER'S VOICE Anheiser? BOY'S VOICE Here. TEACHER'S VOICE Busch? GIRL'S VOICE 27 26 . You just can't think of anything good to do.The phone rings again. in two weeks you'd have a diamond. (after-thought) And Cameron would worry that he'd owe taxes on it. scuffed heels. A shoe's POV. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM Ferris hangs up. pristine loafers. The boy cannot relax. TEACHER'S VOICE Anderson. CAMERA enters a classroom. rotting Air Jordans. But I like him. His roommate'll kill him. He's a little easier to take when you know why he's like he is. SCHOOL. Cameron hits the speaker button.. 27 INT. TEACHER'S VOICE Albers? BOY'S VOICE Here. FERRIS If anybody needs a day off. HALLWAY We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. GIRL'S VOICE Here. It travels past a teacher's Hush Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow Reebocks. He can't be wound this tight and go to college.
The big chase at the end. FAMILY ROOM. TV THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. 28 CU. GIRL'S VOICE (cheery) No problem whatsoever. TEACHER'S VOICE Drucker? BOY'S VOICE What? WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD. Simone. (pause) My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out at 31 Flavors last night. 28 . He reaches down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? GIRL'S VOICE He's sick.Here. FERRIS He throws himself back against the chair. He's wearing a hockey mash. TV The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws Humongous back in his seat. TEACHER'S VOICE (weary) Thank you. CU. He's steering. FERRIS He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war wagon. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that it's empty. TV Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve. CU. INT. CU. I guess it's pretty serious. He gives it a twist.
make-up. how often they rat on you. Clothes everywhere. A flowering crabtree branch. you should not alientate them. FERRIS He rears back in horror. FERRIS He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high speed ride. Because most likely they have cash and it's usually very easy to get your hands on. FERRIS Arms outstretched. TV The was wagon hurtles down the road. He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill. TV The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the tanker truck. CU. CU. CU. how gross they act or how wicked and insensitive they can be. FERRIS Financing my activities this way. With interest. Very damaging to the self-image.CU. He holds up a twenty and snaps it. 29 CU. In times of crisis one must to what one must to. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH Outside a bedroom window. braced for collision. A pink and powder blue pig pen. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE ROOM. CU. TV IMPACT! MOZART COMES UP. FERRIS This is really degrading. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY" 29 . CU. Petite pink flowers. I'll pay it back. Ferris is sitting on her bed going through a purse. FERRIS Regardless of how much shit sisters make you eat. He comes up with a five. But. books. It's Jeanie's room. I'm broke. head thrown back. records. hey.
A ten. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET An obvious gift from a grandparent. WASHING MACHINE TOP A couple of stiff. CU. 31 INT. A screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and pops them apart. FLOOR AND BED 40 39 38 37 36 35 34 33 32 31 30 . 34 CU. the quarters are being popped out of their slots. bleached singles that have gone through the wash lay on top of the washer. SOFA Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice. a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. SNOOPY BANK It's being shaken furiously. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp. dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the floor. 40 CU. 36 CU. LIVING ROOM The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions. Locating a dollar bill. Then a modest wad of bills. HALL CLOSET The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets of the coats. 30 INT. One-by-one. BIRTHDAY CARD It's a child's card. His face lights up as he counts out the cash. 37 CU. 39 INT. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth. 32 CU. new five. A hand peels the bills off the backing. 35 CU.COMES UP. He closes the door. VACCUUM CLEANER The dusty. COIN COLLECTION The familiar blue collector's album. KITCHEN DRAWER Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. 33 CU. A squirt gun. A roll of Tums. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. A U. Mint proof set. 38 CU.S. Another crumpled bill surfaces. A hand scoops them up. PARENTS' BEDROOM Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. hard.
TABLE LEG Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used to balance the table. a charred doll's head. Volbeck's dead set against putting any money into the house. FERRIS' BED A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets.Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. I completely forgot to call. Not even those jerks from Vermont. 46 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL A modern. JOYCE Oh. MORNING A suburban realty company. Across from her are two WOMEN. 47 INT. 48 47 46 45 44 43 42 41 . KITCHEN Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table. AGENT 1 Mrs. Inside are trading cards. 42 INT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. 43 CU. An awl is driven in between the door and the jamb. BANK It's on a work bench. KITCHEN Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter. I'm so sorry. Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. 41 CU. a Zippo lighter and. JOYCE Joyce Bueller. The SONG ENDS. Her eyes open wide with alarm. 45 CU. my God. OFFICE Joyce is behind a desk. a five dollar bill. finally. suburban high school. His arm reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed. It pries the door open. They're also real estate agents. 48 EXT. Let's be realistic. She take the call. A cute little building in town. 44 INT. JOYCE No one's going to consider a house with a black living room.
DEAD OF STUDENTS. JOYCE'S VOICE Yes. COMPUTER MONITOR The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records. Bueller. SCHOOL. suit and tie. ROONEY. The hall is clogged with students. It completely slipped my mind. OFFICE. He removes his feet from the desk and turns in his swivel chair. We hear the dean inside the office. I had a meeting first thing this morning. DEAN ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. He's confident to the point of arrogance. Ferris is home sick. I am. HALLWAY It's a passing period. 50 INT. The dean's feet are up on the desk. DEAN'S VOICE I just had his file up. CU. He's toying with a pencil. behind the sign. JOYCE'S VOICE This is all news to me. clean and straight as an I-beam. DESK SIGN It reads. he's sorely mistaken. Short. ROONEY I just has his file up. EDWARD R. I should have called.MAN'S VOICE Are you aware that your son is not in school today? 49 INT. neatly combed hair. JOYCE'S VOICE I don't understand. Moderately priced dress shoes. He's tough. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. CU. SCHOOL. 51 50 49 . DEAN'S VOICE Are you also aware that Ferris does not have what we consider an exemplary attendance record? 51 INT. Behind him is a computer terminal. CU. ROONEY If Ferris thinks he coast this last month and still graduate. Mrs. INT. DEAN'S OFFICE.
I can appreciate that at this time of year children are prone to taking the day off. ROONEY I have it right here in front of me. CU. INT. SPEAKER The grille cloth is throbbing. FERRIS' BEDROOM MUSIC BLASTS. OFFICE Rooney turns to the monitor. He's missed. he's been absent nine times. How's that for being born under a bad sign? 53 INT. TV MONITOR We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck. but in Ferris' case. I got a computer.. He reads off the screen. Including today. LED METERS The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone.. He looks closer at the screen. CU. FERRIS' ROOM Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. JOYCE I can give you every assurance that Ferris is home and that he is. JOYCE'S VOICE Nine times? Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a number 2. in fact. He's playing. I debated whether or not I should even leave him. 54 53 52 . JOYCE'S OFFICE She's still on the phone with Rooney. 52 INT. he's truly a very sick boy. 54 INT. very ill.ROONEY'S VOICE So far this semester alone. FERRIS I wanted a car. SOLO GUITAR. CU. He has his record up on the screen.
VIDEO CAMERA A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape. They said he's like on the verge of death. FERRIS' ROOM He's in bed on the phone. I don't know. GIRL I'm really sorry about your brother. She kicks her locker shut. 57 INT. man. SCHOOL. JEANIE What're you sorry for? I have to live with the trouser snake. GIRL This guy in my biology class said that if Ferris dies he's giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's really sweet isn't he? She smiles and exits. FERRIS A sample of my blood was sent to Atlanta to the Center for Disease Control. He sighs deeply and fall back on the bed. JEANIE Who said he's sick. (point to the phone) Freshman. GIRL No. 58 INT. GIRL A whole bunch of people. CAMERON'S ROOM He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt.CU. A GIRLFRIEND comes up to her. Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl. I mean I heard he's really sick. SCHOOL. I'm bricking heavily. (to the phone) Did you see Alien? When the guy had the creature in his stomach? It feels like that. HALLWAY 58 57 56 55 . 56 INT. Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment. HALLWAY Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. 55 INT.
why? He hands her the phone.Yeah. no. GIRL Hello? (pause) Who? (pause) . BOY Anyway.A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. The boy snatches a passing GIRL.. BOY Did you see Alien? GIRL Yeah. SECOND BOY (to Third Boy) Shit. I appreciate you letting us know how you're doing. BOY Oh. sure. A couple of his BUDDIES are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news. He's really wasted. I hope he doesn't die. You know him? THIRD BOY (excited) Yeah. (pause) Huh?. Hold on.. I can't handle summer school. BOY Goddamn! Are you kidding? SECOND BOY What? BOY Did you see Alien? SECOND BOY No. He's getting me out of summer school. BOY You never rented the video cassette? Second boy shakes his head. We gotta split. THIRD BOY (to the Second Boy) Who's he talking to? SECOND BOY Ferris Bueller.
ROONEY Really? He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint. 60 EXT. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. SECRETARY He's very popular. Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile. dweebies. To show these kids that the example he sets is a first class ticket to nowhere. Ed. pinheads. ROONEY I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him! SECRETARY With your bad knee. How's your bod? (jaw drops) Oh. FERRIS' HOUSE It's a glorious late spring day. ROONEY What's so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is that he gives the good kids bad ideas. geeks. Sportos. 61 INT. Ferris.Hi. His SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder. As he speaks he does a little 61 60 59 . The last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. ROONEY That's exactly why I have to catch him this time. FERRIS' ROOM He's on the telephone. you better not throw anybody. motorheads. sluts. SECRETARY (impressed) Ooo. A florist's truck drives past the house. Ed. wonkers. You sounded like Dirty Harry just now. Rooney stares at her for a long beat. richies. my God! You're dying? Is it serious? (pause) Shiit! Are you upset? 59 INT. they all adore him.
CAMERON'S BEDROOM Cameron's back in bed. He clears his throat and answers the second line. FERRIS Be a man. I'm serious. OFFICE BUILDING. man. I got another call. If this was Hawaii. making me wait around the house for you. CAMERON I'm sick. FERRIS You want to stay home and try to have the shits? Try to barf? Try to feel worse? CAMERON'S VOICE I don't have to try. Take some Pepto Bismol and get dressed. FERRIS Cameron. This is bullshit. You're boring me with this stuff. FERRIS H--hell-o? 64 EXT. I feel like shit. He sounds like he's on his last breath. TOM'S VOICE Ferris? 65 INT. if you're not over here in fifteen minutes. A Modigliani nude. He puts Cameron on hold. The other phone line rings. It's almost summer. TOM'S OFFICE 65 64 63 62 . 63 INT. DOWNTOWN A LaSalle Street office tower. FERRIS' ROOM He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness.MacPainting on his MacIntosh. you can find a new best friend. we'd be surfing. Why can't you leave me alone? FERRIS' VOICE You're not up for some good times? It's a beautiful day. FERRIS Squeeze you buns for a second. 62 INT.
pal. it's sure great of you to call. Herman Miller desk and chair. The moment before you called. TOM You sound miserable. INT. Hold on. Are you alright? FERRIS Just a little phlegm on the phone. Nice office. 66 CU. Now. Two windows. FERRIS (OC) I'm so worried about falling behind. FERRIS' ROOM He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke. that's just great. He's just checking up on me. It was making me ill looking at it. listen to me. He disconnects and gets his father back. So. Bye. Are you busted? FERRIS It's completely cool. the least you can do is hurry up and get over here. I had a chest spasm and I blew lung fluid all over the place. FERRIS Sorry. FERRIS Dad? Can you hold on a second? TOM'S VOICE Sure. I'm working on getting some heavy bucks out of him. 66 .He's behind his desk. COMPUTER MONITOR A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making. TOM Were you sleeping? FERRIS' VOICE I was trying to do some homework. Dad. He switches back to his sick voice. But gee. FERRIS' VOICE Really? Darn! I thought I was improving. CAMERON'S VOICE Oh. He puts his father on hold. FERRIS Cameron? It's my Dad.
FERRIS Give yourself some credit. TOM'S VOICE Wrong. sick teenager. TOM'S VOICE Hey. CHICAGO LOOP. yeah? You're pulling my leg. Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them. He lights a cigarette. DIAMONDVISION SCREEN Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard. FERRIS Oh. COMPUTER SCREEN A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA". pal. FERRIS You had to work hard for the money to buy those things. FERRIS You work so hard I'll bet you don't even remember where those bonds are. right? Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father. INT. It's like those savings bonds you used to give me every Christmas. CU. FERRIS' ROOM He blows a smoke ring. The screen dumps the drawing. Pedestrians stop to look. You're just trying to cheer me up. 68 67 . He nods. what was I supposed to do? Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer. FERRIS' ROOM He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the desk. Dad. right? TOM'S VOICE Not any harder than anybody else. (looks at CAMERA and smiles) It was that kind of concern. It was a mammoth gesture.I'm sure there're alot of fathers who wouldn't take time out from their busy schedules to call a dumb. 68 INT. 67 EXT.
FERRIS (to CAMERA. (thinks) Of course. I think I better lie down. Bye now.TOM'S VOICE Like hell I am. CAR. He turns his desk chair around and gets up. Ferris smiles. if they didn't. TOM'S VOICE I want to. CAMERON He's sitting behind the wheel of his car. No doubt about it. 69 . Ferris sighs. (to the phone. bucks says he's sitting car debating about whether he should go out. FERRIS You win some. He hangs up. sick voice) Dad? All this talking has made me kind of light-headed. CAMERON FERRIS disappointed in Cameron. FERRIS You don't have to. TOM'S VOICE Okay. He cuts the engine. CAMERON We're gonna get caught. I hope my kids don't pull this shit on me. I'll call you after lunch. He's gotten exactly what he wants. I'm so Twenty in his or not 69 INT. you lose some. They're in a shoebox in my closet. pal. I take it back. You take care. He looks at CAMERA. normal voice) Was that a class move or what? The guy gave it up faster than a drunk Catholic girl. Dad. they'd be dumb and abnormal and they'd probably never move out of my house and I'd have to support them until I die.
HALLWAY Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway. CLASSROOM. DRESSER DRAWER Hands curl around the drawer pulls. (waves the magazine) Pardon moi. FERRIS Cameron's also the only guy I know who knows what strategic metals are. Ferris'll escape. INT. Another beat.. He sits for half a beat. CAMERON Actually. SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED. what'll happen is I'll get caught. The reason he doesn't fell good is. FERRIS (sings) MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM DOWN. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC. 71 INT. A HERALDIC STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater. he worries about everything. Another beat. He stops the engine. The hands lift a sweater out. ominously. The drawer is opened slowly. FERRIS' ROOM He takes out the magazine. 70 CU. LATER 72 71 70 . CAMERON He'll keep calling until I come over. He's the only guy I know who's deeply concerned that when he grows up there'll be a critical shortage of strategic metals. FERRIS Cameron'll go on like that for a good thirty minutes. 72 INT. He sighs and restarts the engine. He goes into the bathroom..I'm not doing it. He exits the room. The guy is a shellfish when it comes to making a decision. He leafs through the pages for the pictorials as he speaks.
is sitting at her desk in a history class. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear. SLOANE PETERSON. She looks at the kids.A stunningly beautiful girl. watches the nurse curiously. NURSE She's a picture of compassion and understanding. the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard him sneeze. 73 INT. dusty lecture. He nods grimly to the Nurse. For a moment. TEACHER Roosevelt's health had seriously deteriorated by the time he met with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta. NURSE May I see you outside for a moment? There's been an emergency. SLOANE A smile curls across her lips. ROONEY He has a suspicious look on his face. NURSE (nods solemnly) Dead grandmother. SLOANE (whispers) Dead grandmother. CLASSROOM. TEACHER AND NURSE The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece of disturbing news. NURSE Sloane Peterson? SLOANE Sits up in her seat. The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. 74 73 . like the others. HALLWAY The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand. INT. She's staring out the window as a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry. 74 CU. SLOANE She. As she gathers her books she looks to the GIRL next to her. (sneezes) Pardon me.
Rooney's phone rings. Peterson's daytime number? As the secretary starts out of the room. SECRETARY Edward Rooney's office. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's at his desk. Peterson said. Can you hold? Thank you. (pause) Yes. ROONEY Who's this girl's going with? SECRETARY It's so hard to tell. sir? MAN'S VOICE We've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard. SECRETARY It's Mr. His secretary is standing across from him. SECRETARY That's what Mr. Rooney is startled. She stops and answers the desk phone. MAN'S VOICE Ed? This is George Peterson. I see her alot with Ferris Bueller. ROONEY Ed Rooney.ROONEY Dead grandmother? INT. He punches the phone button. . ROONEY Could you get me Mr. ROONEY How are you today. Peterson. His suspicions are confirmed. She smiles and backs out. She puts the call on hold. I had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane. He thinks for a beat then reaches for the phone. SECRETARY Do you still want his number? Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. Rooney smiles.
Cart the stiff in and I'll turn over your daughter. SECRETARY Hold. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line. Nervy litttle punk. you don't like my policies. I'm gonna set a trap and let his walk right into it! (to phone) That's right. you can just come on down and smooch by big old ugly ass. And. She turns to Rooney in horror. It's so obvious it's not Mr. ROONEY I heard. You hear me? The secretary comes in. She puts the call on hold and hangs up. SECRETARY Ed Rooney's office. ROONEY What!? SECRETARY Ferris Bueller's on line two. 76 75 . ROONEY I'll tell you want. I want to see this dead grandmother firsthand.Rooney rolls his eyes. He covers the phone. Her jaw drops. 75 INT. Was this your mother? Rooney's other line rings. She's waving her arms furiously. I'd be happy to release Sloane. She hurried into Rooney's office. Rooney tries to wave her away. Rooney covers the phone. ROONEY (whispers) It's Ferris Bueller. sure. I'm all broken up. SECRETARY'S OFFICE She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other line. He's angry. It's school policy. please. The secretary stops cold in the doorway. Peterson. 76 INT. gosh. Huh? Oh. You produce a corpse and I'll release Sloane. She stomps her foot.
ROONEY'S HAND The pencils falls from his fingers. The phone's cradled against his shoulder. He glances at the phone. KITCHEN Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. ROONEY He winces as he returns to the first call. CU. He nods. sir. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY'S FACE A mask of horror. FERRIS' VOICE Thank you. 77 INT. anyway? 79 78 77 . CAMERON You oughta be sorry for Christ's sake! A family member dies and you insult me. He's doing a deep.CU. FERRIS' ROOM He's zipping his pants. What's the matter with you. 78 INT. ROONEY He's staring blankly ahead. twitches. ROONEY He blinks. CU. phoney "father" voice. He speaks in the same voice he used on his father. PHONE The second line light is flashing. FERRIS' HOUSE. FERRIS Mr. cocks his head. 79 INT. CU. fastening his belt. PHONE Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting call. ROONEY'S FOOT It freezes in mid-tap. CU. CU. CU. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb you at work but I was wondering if it would be possible for my sister to bring home any assignments from my classes that I may need.
ROONEY Absolutely! I most certainly am. CAMERON'S VOICE Pardon my French but you're an asshole! Rooney nods enthusiastically. Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone.80 INT. trembling. CAMERON That's better. sir. You just make sure my daughter's out in front of the school in ten minutes. goddamn it! ROONEY'S VOICE Sir. Do you read me? ROONEY'S VOICE Load and clear. I can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I am. Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the conversation. CAMERON (clears his throat) I don't have all day to bark at you so I'll make this short and sweet. 80 81 INT. Mr. that I would never deliberately insult you. You're doing great. ROONEY He apologies profusely to Cameron. You have to know. ROONEY I don't know. DEAN'S OFFICE. CAMERON (to Ferris) I'm scared shitless. He's perspiring. Ferris! What is Rooney guesses my voice! FERRIS Impossible. I thought you were someone else. 81 . Peterson. CAMERON Call me sir. KITCHEN Cameron lays into Rooney. CAMERON This isn't over yet. buster. Cameron covers the phone.
I don't have time to talk to you. He covers the phone. CAMERON'S VOICE On second thought. fella. 82 CU. THEN CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT. The phone flies out of his hand. CAMERON I changed my mind. FERRIS Talk! Cameron takes a deep breath.. We'll get together soon and have lunch. Ferris smacks Cameron. He clears his throat and puts on his father's voice. FERRIS' KITCHEN Cameron's rubbing the side of his head. I don's want anyone around. You be out in front with her! I wanna have a few words with you! Ferris slaps Cameron. ROONEY He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK! We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE. He holds the phone out to Ferris. CAMERON I want my daughter out in front of the school in ten minutes. FERRIS (mouths) Great! Cameron smiles proudly. 83 INT. Cameron panics.. We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS. Cover it. He's said the wrong thing. 83 82 . By herself. CAMERON What'd I do? FERRIS Out in front my herself? It's too suspicious! He'll think something's up.Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up. CAMERON You do it! Ferris waves his arms angrily. moron.
CAMERON Oh. CAMERON I was home. FERRIS I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings. a man who could squeeze my nuts into oblivion and then you deliberately hurt my feelings.CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me? FERRIS Where's your brain? CAMERON I asked you first. you're so stupid! (aside) I didn't hit you. . make me jeopardize my future. don't ask me to participate in your crap if you don't like the way I do it! Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. really. I lightly slapped you. CAMERON You hit me. FERRIS How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's going to be there with her?! CAMERON I said for her to be there alone and you freaked! FERRIS My. make me do a phoney phone call on a dean of students. You get me out of bed. God. Look. sick. being me over here. really? FERRIS Yeah. Cameron's anger is intensified by his embarrassment.
CU. I didn't mean to jam you. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear. Cameron's jaw drops. I'm sorry. Cameron stops. He appreciates Ferris apology. CAMERON Thanks. FERRIS Cameron? CAMERON Stick it up your ass. The end of the world is at hand. We move up from the stallion to the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. 84 INT. 84 . Cameron smiles. CAMERON Hey. Ferris. It was uncalled for. GARAGE The door opens slowly. Right? CAMERON (suspiciously) Why? FERRIS To fix this situation. right? Not that is was necessarily all you fault. Ferris is smiling with excitement and awe. FERRIS Dead serious. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris looking at the car. FERRIS Cameron. CAMERON AND FERRIS Cameron's face is ashen. Ferris? Have a nice life. He turns and heads out of the room. FERRARI STALLION The prancing black stallion. CAMERON You're serious? He turns around.Cameron glares at Ferris. Ferris sighs. FERRIS You did screw up through. dramatically as we hear a heraldic fanfare. I'm going to have to ask you for a small favor.
FERRIS Whatever miles we put on it. It is joy. He has it tatooed on his wrist. FERRIS It's a piece of shit. Ferris. .Ferris is in heaven. it is his passion. this is real simple. Peterson drives that piece of shit. Cameron. my father loves this car more than life itself. FERRIS We can't pick up Sloane in your car. FERRIS A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile. We can't take is out. Don't worry about it. Rooney'd never believe Mr. it is his love. Ferris. CAMERON It's not a piece of shit. He puts his arm around Cameron. My father spent three years restoring it. I have to envy yours. FERRIS He doesn't trust you? CAMERON No. CAMERON He never drives it. FERRIS Alright. CAMERON Ferris. I'm sorry but there's nothing else we can do. CAMERON (grim monotone) 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Less than a hundred were made. look. He just rubs it with a diaper. we'll take off. It has a market value of $265. Look.000. I don't even have a piece of shit. CAMERON He knows the mileage. FERRIS It is his fault he didn't lock the garage.
You're not talking me into this one. FERRARI Ferris is driving. CAMERON Are you crazy?! Put the top back up! FERRIS This is perfect top-down weather. SCHOOL. 86 EXT. proud smile) We'll drive home backwards. FERRIS 87 86 85 . Ferris. Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her books. I'm putting my foot down. The top is down.. Cameron's in the back. I'm sorry but. CAMERON That makes no sense whatsoever... CAMERON Forget it. the more obvious we are. SCHOOL The Ferrari is parked out in front. JEANIE She comes out of a classroom.CAMERON (suspicious) How? FERRIS (big. The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a crowded school hallway. CAMERON What about Rooney? FERRIS Cameron.. CU. Jeanie watches her suspiciously. FERRARI GRILLE Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar of the twelve cylinders. no. 85 INT. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses. Cameron shakes his head.. She stops as Sloane and Rooney walk past. CAMERON'S VOICE . 87 INT.. I have to live with the man. You'll have to think of something else. the less likely we are to get caught.
Cameron squeezes himself lower. Sloane! Dear! Sloane looks across at the Ferrari. Something does compute for him. CAMERON Howcome it's my Dad's car and I'm taking all the risk and I have to ride back here? FERRIS I don't have an explanation. Rooney watches her. SLOANE Huh? ROONEY Were you close to your grandmother? SLOANE Oh. 88 EXT. SLOANE I guess that's my Dad. SCHOOL. See ya. Sloane smiles and bids Rooney a hasty farewell. He's careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline. Um. 89 88 . Yeah. SCHOOL Rooney's suspicious. FERRIS Hurry along now! EXT. She sees the Ferrari pull away. She hurries to the car. Very hip. man. THEIR POV Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. She was a terrific lady. JEANIE She's watching out the door. Very old. SCHOOL Rooney and Sloane come out the door. ROONEY Once again let me say how deeply saddened I am by your loss. DEEP VOICE Oh.The adult mind is a suspicious machine. Thanks. Yeah. Rooney looks. Very. 89 INT. (look around at Cameron) Stay down.
Cameron. the question is "what aren't we going to do. FERRIS Either would I. STREET. SLOANE What a fabulous car! CAMERON Enjoy it quick. SLOANE Hi. ROONEY He can't quite put his finger on what's bothering him.90 EXT. SCHOOL. FERRIS (to CAMERA) If you had access to a car like this would you take it back right away? Would you give up feeling like a ton just to ease your best friend's tension? He smiles. SLOANE This is so great! I can't believe it! Right in front of Rooney! She laughs and turns to Cameron. Please. It' s going home. SLOANE What're we gonna do? FERRIS The question isn't "what are we gonna do". 90 91 INT. it was bold but it was totally necessary. 91 92 EXT. No. FERRARI Sloane shrieks with delight. You comfortable? CAMERON Hi." CAMERON Don't tell me we're not going to take the car home. FERRIS It was risky. She leans across the console and gives Ferris a kiss. 92 . FERRARI It accelerates away like a shot.
94 . TELLER I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. INT. BANK. Cameron and Sloane walk in. Mrs. Ferris smiles.. Froeling. FERRIS Me? (polite laugh) I'm out of school. She's been at the bank since they opened. In doing so she locates a missing ball point pen. SUBURBAN BANK A fresh. FERRIS Hello.93 EXT. TELLER Ferris Bueller? FERRIS He's at the window. It's about four inches higher the highest beehive you're ever seen. This is my wife. On either shoulder are Cameron and Sloane. I'm as chipper as can be. The Ferrari pulls into the parking lot. As she moves the beehive hits a small sign over her head.. The clock outside read 9:53. should you be in school? FERRIS He lays his savings bonds on the counter. TELLER A WOMAN about seventy with a silver blue beehive. I'm married. this is Mrs. DOORS Ferris.Madonna. Ferris is cocky and confident. How are you? TELLER She pats the rock-solid mass of blue hair. ZZ. FERRIS (to Cameron) And this is my brother-in-law. Ferris leads the way to an open teller window. so I'm a little pooped but other than that. Sloane's still intoxicated with her freedom. ZZ Top. Cameron's having stomach trouble. Froeling. (something occurs to her) Say. In fact. modern bank building. BANK. Mrs. Cameron blanches. Froeling. Sloane suppresses a laugh. 93 94 INT. She withdraws it from the hair and smiles at it's reappearance. She smiles when she sees Ferris.
Cameron isn't amused. TELLER (to Cameron) Is Top a Slavic name? CAMERON Yeah. FERRIS I'd like to cash these in, please. We're having a baby and we need the cash for a crib, clothes, diapers, food pellets, leash, water dish... INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling takes the bonds with a hearty smile. The latter part of the conversation sails over her like a line drive. TELLER A baby! (to Sloane) You must be so excited. Cameron groans and turns away from the sham. SLOANE I'm thrilled, ma'am. I'm especially looking forward to wearing those jeans with the stretch panel in front. Mrs. Froeling thumbs through the bonds. TELLER Are you hoping for a boy or a girl? SLOANE Actually, we're hoping for a car. CU. CAMERON He's spooked by the games playing. He scans the bank nervously. He blinks, focuses, blinks again. HIS POV Joyce is with a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE and their bored, sour-puss teenage son, BOYD. He's sitting in a chair with his legs slung over the sides waving a Bic lighter back and forth across his rump. The parents are Joyce's clients from Vermont. A LOAN OFFICER is discussing the local financing situation with them. His is an open office adjacent to the teller windows. Joyce's back is to the tellers. CU. CAMERON
It's like he's just witnesses an ax murder. CAMERON Shit... INT. BANK. JOYCE Her back is to the teller windows. She's conducting her meeting. Behind her we see Cameron grab Ferris and point her out to him. He waves. Cameron slaps his arm. INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds. TELLER These bonds aren't mature. If you hold onto them another two years you'll get an additional four dollars... FERRIS I'm aware of that. TELLER You're throwing away four dollars. FERRIS No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the government. They need it. Do you know what an aircraft carrier's going for these days? INT. BANK. JOYCE She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out. INT. BANK. DOOR Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce. JOYCE Mrs. Froeling, how are you? MRS. FROELING I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. (shifts gears, to Joyce) Say, you must be very proud. Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about. MRS. FROELING (whispers) I met Madonna. She pats Joyce on the arm.
MRS. FROELING She told me everything. Keep me posted, I'll want to send a gift. She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are completely baffled. 95 EXT. BANK Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking lot. JOYCE My son's home sick today. If you wouldn't mind, on our way back to the office, I'd like to just run in and check up on him. We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car. MOTHER Of course. They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look on proudly. 96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE His secretary is dialing a number for him. SECRETARY This is the Peterson's home. She hands the phone to Rooney. SECRETARY Watch your mouth this time. Rooney glares at her. ROONEY Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's no doubt in my mind. That's what I was saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped. He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this thing now. See? The secretary nods. SECRETARY And her grandmother, too. 97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an 97 96 95
ROONEY What? SECRETARY My brother-in-law rides the train to work.. 99 EXT. She's not listening to him. CAMERON'S HOUSE His answering machine clicks on.awful lot like Sloane. puzzled. The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk. 98 INT. ROONEY Something's going on. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney hangs up the phone. ROONEY Who gives a good goddamn? 101 EXT. In the distance we see the Sears Tower.. CAMERON'S VOICE You have reached the Coughlin Bros. SECRETARY There's a railroad strike.. We've had a death in the family. the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil Building. The Ferrari streaks past. Rooney looks at her. Rooney stares at her like she's crazy. Mortuary. EDENS EXPRESSWAY The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the suburbs. ROONEY And I'm going to stop it! SECRETARY My brother-in-law'll appreciate it. goddamn it. We hear Cameron's voice. 101 100 99 98 . DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney quickly takes down a number. We are unable to come to the phone right now but if you'll leave your name and number. 100 INT. If you need to reach us we'll be at the following number. SLOANE We can't come to the phone right now..
CHICAGO LOOP.. EXT. SCHOOL. KID Heartless wench. babe! Some day you might need a favor from Ferris Bueller! Then where'll you be?! He reaches for the can. KID Hey. CAMERON We can't leave the car here! FERRIS Why not? CAMERON Because we can't! I want it back home where it belongs! SLOANE What could happen to it? CAMERON It could get stolen. HALLWAY Jeanie's walking down the hall.. Jeanie stares at him.. FERRIS 103 . KID Yo. Cameron's having fits. KID They run about fifty g's so it you could help out. GARAGE Ferris. you name it. We're collecting money to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. Sloane and Cameron get out. JEANIE Go piss up a flagpole! KID Huh? 102 She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall. scratched. 103 EXT. She's stopped by a KID with a Coke can. She's flabbergasted at the proportions her brother's scan has reached.102 INT. PARKING GARAGE The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage. wrecked. The kid yells after her..
okay? He pats the Attendant on the arm. no revving engine. CAMERON What guy? CU. The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. Another attendant jumps in the passenger side. No squealing tires. FERRIS See what a finski can do to a person's attitude? He's going to treat it like a beautiful woman. 6'6". Ferris turns to Cameron. SLOANE This is so right! Ferris nudges Cameron on. SLOANE Oh. Do you have to be so graphic? She heads down the street. EXT. 240. It's gone in the entrance and out the exit. ATTENDANT Like it's a beautiful woman.I'll give the guy a five to watch it. very carefully. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly. . FERRIS I appreciate it. PARKING ATTENDANT He smiles with relish at the car. CAMERON Yeah. Cameron. They exit the garage and head after Sloane. I want to you take extra special care of this vehicle. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the exit ramp of the garage. He smiles. Goatee. Whip it with a stick and piss on the hood. An IQ that equals his hourly wage. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a hairnet Gold teeth. PARKING LOT The Attendant swaggers over to the car. sure. Ferris slips him a give. please. FERRIS You speak English? ATTENDANT Since I was three. FERRIS Great. Earring.
HALLWAY Joyce listens at the door another beat. CU. 106 INT. DOOR KNOB The wire is tied to the doorknob. 109 108 107 106 105 . CU. JOYCE She smiles and closes the door. DOORKNOB Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a crack. ROOM. we hear a door open and close. FERRIS' HOUSE 104 Joyce's care pulls in the driveway. He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of the lot. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM It's dark. INT. The snoring it simulated. 105 INT. STAIRWAY Joyce quietly walks up the stairs. ROOM. She listens at the door. We hear soft snoring. She's smiles with relief and affection. tall. She gets out and heads up the house. There's a figure in the bed. 107 INT. It's taut. with a huge knit hat willed with dreads. 104 EXT. The wire from the bedroom door is strung over the top of the closet door. WE HEAR THE SNORING. FERRIS' SYNTHESIZER Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring. 108 INT. 109 INT. CU. It heads down the street away from Sloane. CLOSET The closet door is open. Downstairs. HER POV The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves. the trophy lifts up off the yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's original position.He's skinny. A trophy is attached to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick. As the bedroom door closes. HOUSE. Ferris and Cameron. HALLWAY Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet door to the door to the room itself.
Michigan. Are we gonna stay long? FERRIS Take a step back. lean against the glass. LATER 110 HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the world's tallest building. Cameron and Sloane are standing against the window. SEARS TOWER OBSERVATION DECK Ferris. From our vantage point here on the 103 floor. reluctantly. OBSERVATION DECK The three are leaning against the glass. As it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows. Ferris. SLOANE 111 . FERRIS And look down. far below. Sloane and Cameron follow suit. putting all his weight on his forehead. Cameron follows. FERRIS (VO) This is the world's tallest building. we are provided with a view of four states. FERRIS Now.. SEARS TOWER.110 EXT. INT. SLOANE Oh.. Indiana. CAMERON (VO) Do you think the car's alright? FERRIS (VO) Illinois. He leans forward. Wisconsin and my personal favorite. Ferris steps back. CAMERON I don't feel good.. A dizzying view. 111 INT. SLOANE What if the glass gives? FERRIS Death. Like this. shit! HER POV The street far. Sloane leans forward..
116 INT. clean. CU. STREET LEVEL A middle-aged man. He's lean. HORACE FRYE. Cameron follows. FERRIS AND SLOANE I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS! 115 EXT. HIS POV The Ferrari screams down the avenue and disappears down the underground ramp. They're singing. is standing on the street corner. BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET BACK IN THE STATES BACK TO THE CUTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA 114 EXT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING ROOM Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities. 117 116 115 114 113 112 . Cameron's father. CAMERON'S FATHER I think I see my car. CAMERON He's looking down. 113 INT. FERRIS AND SLOANE I BEEN ALL 'ROUND THIS GREAT BIG WORLD AND I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF GIRLS YEAH.Cool. 112 EXT. tough and humorless. GALLERY Ferris. STREET Ferris and Sloane burst out the doors garnering the annoyed stares of the business people busily going in and out of the building. Ferris and Sloane head down the street. CAMERON I think I see my Dad. He's wearing a puzzled look on his face. SEARS TOWER LOBBY Ferris and Sloane bound down the escalator. They dance past the giant Calder mobile. 117 INT. Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the gallery watching the proceedings. Cameron follows glumly. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE Giant old monolith. Cameron politely waits his turn to exit.
FERRIS Yes. FERRIS True. Ferris puts his arm around Sloane. That was a lie. FERRIS Would you want to get married? I mean if I wasn't an asshole. FERRIS I'm game. FERRIS Would I have introduced you as my wife if I didn't love you? SLOANE Wait a minute. SLOANE No way! . FERRIS Would I trash a day of education to be with you if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. Is he serious. You? SLOANE Yes. FERRIS Would I risk damaging a deep and wonderfully enriching relationship with my parents if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. FERRIS (serious) Today? Sloane stares at him. SLOANE Sure.SLOANE Do you love me? FERRIS Do you love me? SLOANE I asked you first.
The state requires a blood test.FERRIS I'll do it. babe. if you will. CAMERON I'll give you two. (to Ferris) You've seen them. SLOANE I'm not getting married. FERRIS Besides being too young and your father hating my guts and not having any place to live and feeling awkward about being the only cheerleader with a husband. CAMERON I'm with you. FERRIS Why not? SLOANE What do you mean. CAMERON They're married and they hate each other. Cameron suddenly adds his two cents. Ferris and Sloane look at him curiously. Am I right? . My mother and father. CAMERON You need a blood test. FERRIS So? CAMERON So. give me a good reason why not. you could produce a pinhead. Ferris looks around at him. FERRIS Huh? CAMERON If your blood's not compatible. you can't get married today. FERRIS Tomorrow? CAMERON If you get a blood test today. why not? Think about it.
SLOANE Consider this. I don't care how much I want . CAMERON Yeah. I thought so. It's not something I can get comfortable with. but so what? They're old. He dropped us like a rock. SLOANE Do they like you? It hasn't occured to Cameron that his parents might not like him. That's natural. I've tried. He loves the car.FERRIS You're father's a toad and your Mom's always wired out.. Sure. Are you comfortable with it? SLOANE No. CAMERON Just because it happens doesn't make it right. Seeing people treat each other like that. SLOANE Do you think they're staying together because of you? Cameron hasn't seen it that way. CAMERON It makes me puke. Then BLAM! It's over. He hates his wife. It's like the car.my father canned me and my brother and my Mom for a twenty five year old dipso with fake tits. He shrugs. When I have a kid. That parental love might not be a given.. We all thought so. So what? It's not like it doesn't happen ten thousand times a day. SLOANE My parents are divorced. Are yours divorced? CAMERON They may as well be. SLOANE (to Cameron) It was pure selfishness. She keeps a pretty good secret. FERRIS (to CAMERA) This is all news to me. Everything was cool at our house.
She's saying it's time for lunch. I'm gonna try to prevent it. SLOANE They call the shots. you're saying I should run away? FERRIS No. I should just sit back and watch it crumble? SLOANE You're merely an inhabitant in their universe. you know what? It ain't up to you. SLOANE What? FERRIS Let's go feed Cameron. It's a common trait with my age group. Adults think it's cute. crusty old shits wish they had some. They wish they had her. SLOANE Well. I in other words. FERRIS Frightening choice of words. CAMERON You could change. it's like a charming quick that infests youth.something. When you split from them. CAMERON So. FERRIS This is optomism. deep down. (points to Sloane) Sorry. forget it. . SLOANE Yeah. But it's a cool thing and I think. if it's gonna screw-up the kid. thank you. you call the shots. CAMERON I'd rather not have my family break apart. FERRIS (to CAMERA) She's not lying. It's out of your hands. CAMERON So. But I'm gonna try not to. She's taken. too. I'm gonna think about it.
He yells at the top of his voice.. Sloane and Cameron are standing in the restaurant. 118 INT. FERRIS Is there a problem? MAITRE'D You're Abe Frohman? FERRIS I'm Abe Frohman.They stand up and head out. RESTAURANT The maitre'd returns. MAITRE'D (chuckles) I'm sorry. INT.. MAITRE'D (to Ferris) May I help you? FERRIS Yes. ANNOUNCER Commodity prices rose sharply today in unusually heavy trading. son. Cool and casual. We HEAR A RADIO ANNOUNCER. Sloane tugs Ferris' sleeve. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. Ferris hangs back a moment. He ignores her. It's noon. 120 119 . TRADING FLOOR 118 It explodes with activity in response to Ferris' shout. RESTAURANT Ferris. Ferris is looking at the maitre 'd's reservations book. Party of three for 12:00. I'm very busy right now. If you have trouble finding the door. I'm Abe Frohman. FERRIS BUY! And he exits. The maitre'd looks at Ferris curiously. HIS POV His fingers runs down to a party of three for 12:00. RESTAURANT A French restaurant on the Gold Coast. He cups his hands to his mouth.. 119 EXT. 120 INT..
. RESTAURANT The maitre'd motions for the phone so that he can answer the call. Better yet. FERRIS Ask for Abe Frohman. The maitre'd backs off. CAMERON Ferris. FERRIS You touch me and I yell "rat!" There's another phone around here. (to the Maitre'd) Call the police. The maitre'd is hovering over Ferris..Abe. He hands the phone to Sloane.. LATER Ferris. RESTAURANT. INT.FERRIS Are you suggesting that I'm not who I say I am? MAITRE'D Shall I call the police? CAMERON Let's go. Ferris waves him off angrily. A beat and the restaurant's second line lights up and the phone rings..I'll call myself. . Find it.. INT. We're gonna get busted. please? SLOANE Cameron's right. FERRIS I'm not going anywhere. PHONE Ferris punches out a number. Cameron chokes. CU. Go ahead. Sloane grits her teeth. let's split. FERRIS Not a chance in the world. The maitre'd smiles smuggly.. MAITRE'D I appreciate your understanding. (grabs the phone) . Sloane and Cameron are seated in the restaurant.
SCHOOL We HEAR HALLWAY SOUNDS AND JEANIE. today I'm the hammer. SLOANE Oh. She's talking to a FRIEND. babe. Charles. Sloane is impressed. FERRIS Darling. you were wonderful. he does whatever he wants. whenever he wants and he never gets nailed. dear friend? Cameron looks to Ferris. 122 INT. FERRIS Thank you. FERRIS And you thought we wouldn't have any fun. 121 EXT. FERRIS Cameron. 122 121 . FRIEND Why? What's the point? JEANIE Why? Because I'm sick of the little dope. The maitre'd backs away.FERRIS Don't grovel. Cameron is flushed with nerves. The straps rip off in her hand. He manipulates my parents. GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM Jeanie's sitting on a bench in a field hockey uniform. Just leave us to our repast and all will be forgotten. (wicked pause) Well. but I had a wonderful teacher. Ferris smiles. Shame on you. Ferris disappears behind his menu. JEANIE (mean. vicious) I'm gonna bust his buns. MAITRE'D Enjoy your luncheon. She yanks angrily on the velcro strap on her sneakers. JEANIE (VO) Ferris Bueller's days are numbered.
decent person should be and you know what? FRIEND Everybody thinks you're an asshole. He's not nice. it's an established fact that you have no taste. you sympathize with him. I study hard. Except morons. Who else? FRIEND I don't know. JEANIE Let me tell you something. JEANIE See? My brother strokes you. JEANIE Forget that everybody thinks I'm an . JEANIE Excuse me? FRIEND I don't think you're an asshole. He's an ignorant mule and the sooner everybody in this school comes to that realization the better off we'll all be. Jeanie freezes with her next sentence pinned to her tongue. I'm considerate. wags her head. I work hard. He's not charming. JEANIE Rachel's a dirt bag. She displays the velcro straps to her friend. JEANIE Rachel? Jeanie's friend shrugs. I'm polite. JEANIE Who does? Her friend smiles sheepishly. I get pissed off and this is what happens! Jeanie tosses the straps on the floor. JEANIE Sweetie.FRIEND I think he's cute. Ferris is not cute. Just forget it. does everything but verbally confirm. I try to be everything a good. I'm friendly and fair to all kinds of people. He's not a wonderful person.
JEANIE (yells after her) If it means anything to you. JEANIE Am I acting like an asshole? FRIEND I didn't mean it that way. FRIEND You really do have a problem. GODDAMN IT! .. hey. Rooney likes you. Her friend exits.asshole? Would you like everybody to think you're an asshole? FRIEND Not everybody thinks you're an asshole. JEANIE Would everybody be happier if maybe I were to die in a flaming car accident or something? FRIEND Maybe if you didn't cat like and asshole. A fat fifty year old clod with B. JEANIE Oh. JEANIE I this a conspiracy to shit all over me or something? Is my brother behind this? Tell me if he is or I'll sock your tits. I have my period! MY BODY'S RIDDING ITSELF OF OLD EGGS. That's exciting. FRIEND Take a walk.O. Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief. Mr. Jeanie. JEANIE Alright.. likes me. How about if I sock your face? Jeanie's friend gets up. Jeanie. JEANIE Me? I have a problem? FRIEND Somebody who threatens to sock people's tits has a problem.
A toilet flushes. I love driving it. His parents fight all the time. He checks his hair in the mirror. I don't know where she gets this shit. The thing with taking his old man's car? It's good for him. Another beat and Tom walks out of the stall. Then I met Cameron and I saw how his family functioned. He's over. and I must be honest here. It teaches him to deal with his fear. FERRIS I wonder if everybody shoots at cigarette butts in urinals? Probably not many women. It really upsets him. Is there anything worse than being at somebody's house when their parents are fighting? It's the absolute height of social discomfort. Plus. It used to worry me. He exists the men's room. He crosses to 123 . He gets so wadded-up.She snarls and slumps against the lockers. 123 INT. MEN'S ROOM. He wasn't lying. He looks down at the urinal. Even when I'm there. the family's pretty cool. FERRIS She's a person who views life as an ordeal that must be endured. FERRIS Cameron's home life is really shit. JEANIE He's gone. CHEZ PAUL Ferris is standing at the urinal. It's scary. FERRIS When they go after each other. He's monkey meat. you couldn't pry his buns apart with a crowbar. We hold a beat. He zips this trousers and steps away from the urinal. I highly recommend picking one up. Basically. (continues) I used to think that my family was the only one that had weirdness in it. That's why he's sick all the time. Her body is a transport vehicle for her anger. Cameron tightens up. What he said about his parents hating each other? I refuse to sleep over at his house.
CAMERON What is it? SLOANE I don't know. They chew tentatively. FERRIS I think it's a land-based beefoid creature. Cameron and Sloane try theirs. Clouseau! The waiter stops and looks at Ferris indignantly. It's not bad. CAMERON Really? FERRIS Superb. FERRIS Splendid. 124 INT. FERRIS Good? Sloane and Cameron shrug. He puts his napkin in his lap and smells his plate. FERRIS Yo. FERRIS What are you doing? Cameron looks at Ferris. A WAITER passes. He savors the taste.the sink. But it looks like it's already been eaten and digested. I don't speak French. CAMERON What is this shit? FERRIS You got me. RESTAURANT Cameron and Sloane have been served their lunches. CAMERON I knew it was a mistake letting Ferris order for us. Ferris slides over to the table and drops into his seat. 124 . They're staring at the plates. He takes a bite. Ferris stops him.
SLOANE AND CAMERON They look at each other. FERRIS He continues his questioning. FERRIS Check. FERRIS He watches Sloane and Cameron then glances at the waiter. WAITER He turns away as Sloane and Cameron spit out their food.FERRIS I have a growth on my brain that causes memory lapses. He raises a finger. colorless fluid containing digestive enzymes? The home of the world famous isles of Langerhans? CU. Could you tell me what we ordered here? The waiter glances at the plates. And what might that be? WAITER Pancreas. CU. CU. CU. WAITER Sweetbreads. They're holding their sweetbreads in their mouths. CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON They stop chewing.That secretes a thick. CU. A 125 . WAITER He nods broadly. FERRIS He pats his mouth with his napkin.. FERRIS As in the gland that has important functions in digestion and metabolism? CU. knowing that he's spoiling the kids' meal. RESTAURANT Tom and his two GUESTS are standing at the curb. FERRIS . huh. talking. He looks to Cameron and Sloane. FERRIS Uh. holds it a beat and gives a cue.. please! 125 EXT.
Ferris. MUSEUM. The Ferris hops the cab. FERRIS No way.000 restaurants in the downtown area and I pick the one my father goes to. CAB DOOR HANDLE A man's hand reaches for the handle as the cab pulls away. round incubator. They approach the cab. for sure.G. MUSEUM. MUSEUM. INT. CAMERON We're gonna get nabbed. STREET. CU. CAB Tom and his party are still jawing at curbside. now in the B. The bold survive. MUSEUM OR SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY The grand old Chicago museum. INT. Only the meek get nabbed.cab is waiting. 127 INT. Ferris.. FERRIS 40. turns toward the restaurant. holding hands looking like giant grade schoolers. Cameron dashes in. The door's open. SLOANE. FERRIS. OVERHEAD SHOT The main gallery is crowded with school kids. INT. Sloane and Cameron slowly approach the cab.G. 126 EXT. EXT. Ferris scoots Sloane into the cab. 127 126 . Ferris stops cold. CAB Ferris slams the door. RESTAURANT Tom and his guests watch in bewilderment at their cab takes off. DISPLAY CASE Baby chicks are hatching in a huge. Cameron. Sloane and Cameron. Sloane and Cameron come out of the restaurant. EXT. MUSIC COMES UP. Sloane. He turns to the cab. Tom's back it to Ferris. Behind the backs of the men. Sloane and Cameron turn slowly. Let's go. Among the second graders are Ferris. In the B. FLOOR A class of kids walking along holding hands. CAMERON They turns on cue at Tom.
The ninth month. we're traveling down one of American's most scenic polluted waterways and you have to bring up nuclear war? SLOANE (VO) 128 . green swath of water. walk-thru replica of a human heart. INDUSTRIAL DISPLAY Sloane operates a metal press to produce a tin ashtray. A tiny human being in a jar. Ferris staggers out of it. SLOANE (remorsefully) I wonder if he has a name? FERRIS (blank) Ninth Month. the screw turns. CU. Ferris and Sloane are making out. HIGH SHOT From the Merchandise Mart. Ferris and Cameron ride in the coal train in the coal mine replica. CAMERON Sloane wants to cry. GERMAN U-BOAT Ferris is examining the controls of the captured U-Boat. FERRIS. clutching his heart. MUSEUM. INT. Cameron's stomach is in his throat. MUSEUM. SLOANE. INT. COAL MINE Sloane. CU. INT. PROPELLER For the first time in forty years. He checks to see if he's being watched then he presses a button and pulls a lever. CHICAGO RIVER. Ferris is lost in thought. looking down the fetid. HUMAN FETUS IN A BOTTLE The famous stages of life display which features bottled fetuses.Ferris and Cameron are intently watching the process. HEART REPLICA A giant. CAMERON (VO) Are you guys worried about nuclear war? FERRIS (VO) Cameron. it's a beautiful day. The MUSIC ENDS. feigning a massive heart attack. LONG. we've won our freedom. INT. CU. 128 EXT. MUSEUM. A boat is rolling up the man-made canyon.
Cam. All the old hippies are full of shit. you know. deadly serious) Do you know what a nuclear winter is? Long beat. BOAT DOCK The three are sitting on the aft deck of the tour boat. The possiblity of global destruction. it's real cold and the skiing's for shit. Discussing the end of the world. . EXT. They used to have the oil crisis stuff and Iran. Everybody's dead. SLOANE My step-father's always going off about how when he was young he was committed to all these causes. It's with us every day. That's over and people have to have their big issue. The boat makes the turn in the river and CLEARS FRAME.. however. Very casual. SLOANE (VO) To answer your question. that college starts in the fall. SLOANE (VO) Don't you think it's an issue because people need something to worry about? They have to like. CAMERON (VO) Regardless.. FERRIS (VO) We don't know when the bombs going off. We do know.It is kind of raggy subject. have some major problem that puts all their little bullshit into some kind of persepective? CAMERON (VO) Maybe. I'm not worried about it at all. CAMERON (VO) (dramatic. FERRIS They used to have Viet Nam. very relaxed.No. It's not like somebody came up with the nuclear holocaust yesterday at noon. Their feet are up on the railing. FERRIS He's full of shit. SLOANE (VO) Yeah.
SLOANE He says I don't care about things like he did. FERRIS One of the most frightening experiences of my young life has been observing my parents and our neighbors playing the Baby Boom Edition of Trivial Pursuits. FERRIS An hour ago you wanted to yack. FERRIS Lean over and grab a fish. . FERRIS What's he care about now? SLOANE Baldness. CAMERON You know. LOUDSPEAKER TO YOUR LEFT IT THE WORLD'S TALLEST BUILDING. FERRIS.. CAMERON I feel better now. LOUDSPEAKER. this is all very interesting but I'm starving. Cameron looks over the side of the boat. FERRIS I rest my case. The three look to the left. They took over when they were young and they never gave it up. It's chilling to see people crazed with the minutia of their past.. CAMERON It's human nature to like what you had better than what you have. CAMERON The Sears Tower. SLOANE Agreed. fatty meats and money. CAMERON What's spooky is they still control everything. An obtuse thought flashes through Sloane's brain. SLOANE. A loud speaker on the boat identifies a point of interest.
He left the grounds on personal business. SCHOOL Meanwhile. CU. Jeanie walks in.SLOANE What comes after a nuclear winter? FERRIS Nuclear spring. Screw him. The secretary looks up and greets her with a weary smile. Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his bile-green LeBaron. CURB 132 131 130 129 A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops. he's out. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement. Slide across to the sidewalk. Can I help you? JEANIE (condescending) I seriously doubt it. JEANIE It's reprehensible to squeal on your own flesh and blood. JEANIE Is Dean Rooney in? SECRETARY I'm sorry. She slips into the Dean's outer office. 131 INT.but it's for his own good. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE Jeanie is having a small moral debate with herself.. SECRETARY Hello. 129 EXT. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE Rooney's secretary is behind her desk. When's he back? SECRETARY I don't know. Rooney peels off his shades and looks around like he's Dirty Harry... Who's bothering you now? Jeanie scowls at her. FIRE HYDRANT .and it'll continue to piss me off and I'll get so wadded-up that it'll cause cervex cancer and he'll ruin my life. Jeanie.. STREET.. 132 EXT. In his mind he is Dirty Harry. His cavalier attitude will get him into trouble later in life.. CU. 130 INT.
GIRL She stares at him. Rooney pushes his way in and scopes the crowd. STREET Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy hot dog joint. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD MOVE IN on the player. secretaries. It's loud and confusing. CU. She raises it. CU. suburban businessmen. ROONEY He squints CU. He stares at the girl. ROONEY He's still staring. HIS POV A young person is playing a video game in a far corner. 133 INT. The player looks up. CU. CU. CU. pointing it directly in Rooney's face. ROONEY (OC) I've been waiting a long time for this. The player turns around. ROONEY The blood evacuates his face. He ties his lace and pulls up his sock. It's a GIRL. HOT DOG STAND It's jammed with construction workers. GIRL 133 . GIRL Holding the straw in the mouth. ROONEY (OC) Your ass is mine. CU. She puts the straw to her lips and sucks. He can't think of anything to say. EXT. she draws it out of the cup. He smiles and cuts into the crowd. It look sort of like Ferris. ROONEY He suspects it's Ferris. She picks up her Coke.Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. CU.
WRIGLEY FIELD. SLOANE You got a call. 134 . puts his hands behind his head and turns his face to the bright sun. Ferris leans back. ROONEY Who's winning? HOT DOG MAN Cubs. NAPKIN HOLDER A hand yanks a napkin hold.She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face. FERRIS I think I broke my thumb. He does a little celebration dance. INT. It's Ferris. ROONEY What's the score? HOT DOG MAN Zero to zero. STANDS Ferris sits down with the baseball. Behind him is the kitchen and a grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game. SLOANE No wonder you're always sick. CU. what's left to do? Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. Rooney nods and exits. She looks at them with disgust. He shakes his stinging paw. you broke your thumb. SLOANE Can we leave now? FERRIS You want to leave? We just got here. Cameron's scarfing nachos. Rooney glances at the screen. HOT DOG STAND. The TV camera returns to the game. Rooney wipes his suit off. Rooney wads up the napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. SERVICE COUNTER Rooney wipes his face. The TV camera zooms in on the boy triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. There's a long foul ball. A kid makes a stab at the ball. The TV camera follows the ball into the stands. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. 134 EXT.
SLOANE I love him... HIGH SCHOOL. soldiers.water. STATE STREET.. He's leading the girls in singing.want.. right now I'd be in gym? 135 EXT. he has to admire Ferris for his lack of inhabitions. EXT. SLOANE Do you believe in reincarnation? CAMERON Huh? . Marching bands. It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY. CAMERON It's hard not to. I'm gonna get you. STATE STREET 137 136 135 A parade is underway. She sneaks a glance at the school. CAMERON Stop. 137 EXT.FERRIS Do you realize that if I played by the rules. "DANKE SHOEN". They wave to him.. He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens. Cameron breaks a smile. drum and bugle corps. Floats and politicians. Selfish little moron. She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot. As worried as he is about the day and getting caught.. SLOANE AND CAMERON They're watching Ferris go by. school kids. JEANIE I can't believe my brother's making me put myself in a position where I could get expelled. FIAT Jeanie's at the wheel. A blue Fiat pulls into the shot. 136 INT. STATE STREET. He's waving to the crowd. Figure skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines on pavement. Cameron mumbles a few words. FLOAT Riding atop on a float is Ferris. PLAYING FIELD A boy's gym class is doing laps. EXT. (pause) Ferris? You're overshadowed me long enough. buddy.
SLOANE I think if he was anybody. the guy who went around the world. CAMERON I was a tractor tire. . Sloane looks at him with amazement. The guy who rode the elephants into Switzerland. CAMERON What were you in a previous life? SLOANE I'm not sure but I think I know who Ferris was. Sort of. STATE STREET. shaking hands with people in the crowd. FERRIS Guten tag. EXT. I know. SLOANE From the A-Team? CAMERON No. he was Magellan. Cameron nods. dude! EXT. SLOANE I could see him ignoring popular belief and taking off on some impossible mission. Sloane laughs at herself. STATE STREET Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation. They step out of the crowd and head down the street in the direction the parade's heading. CAMERON Hannibal. SLOANE DO you ever wonder what you were? CAMERON I don't have to wonder. You know.SLOANE Do you believe that you lived before? CAMERON Yeah. FLOAT Ferris is on his knees. reaching down from the float.
the future. FLOAT Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian. CAMERON I don't know what I'm gonna do. School. As long as I've known him. parents. SLOANE True. SLOANE The future's worse for a boy. FERRIS WELL. EXT. I can't handle anything. CAMERON Yeah. STREET. SHAKE IT UP. but it's an option. SLOANE A girl can always bail out and have a baby and get some guy to support her. The girls on the float are singing. BABY. No options is worse. SLOANE College. CAMERON That's a pretty grim thought. COME ON. NOW! GIRLS SHAKE IT UP. STATE STREET. BABY ON! COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT! GIRLS WORK IT ON OUT! EXT. Ferris can do anything.CAMERON Yeah. SLOANE AND CAMERON They continue their conversation. BABY FERRIS TWIST AND SHOUT! GIRLS TWIST AND SHOUT! FERRIS COME ON. COME ON. There's nothing he can't handle. isn't it? Cameron doesn't understand what she means. but to do what? . everything works for him.
STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along. STREET. It's infecting the entire parade. PUNKS A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk. We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT" GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER. STREET. They walk on for a few beats. The sons is taking over all the other tunes in the band. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER He's singing. POLICE OFFICER YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD! EXT. TEENAGER COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER He singing along. STATE STREET.SLOANE What are you interested in? CAMERON Nothing. PUNKS LOOK SO GOOD! EXT. STREET. EXT. STREET. SLOANE Me either. WOMAN YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE! TODDLERS LOOK SO FINE! EXT. CHOIR GROUP . BLACK TEENAGER He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat. MARCHING BAND They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT. CAMERON What do you think Ferris is gonna do? EXT. STREET. NEWSPAPER SELLER TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT.
Like the opening shot in Star Wars. STREET. 138 EXT. The Starship Ferrari. gritty waterfront. FERRIS AH! EXT. Grim. VIEWING STAND The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up. EXT. PARADE AHHHHH! The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE. STREET.. STREET. SLO-MO. FLOAT Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale. POLITICIANS AND WIVES AH! EXT. They're singing in their angleic voices. STREET CLEANERS KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! EXT.. STREET. STREET. Suddenly. 138 . CALUMET CITY The Port of Chicago. VETERANS Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms. DECK The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT". STREET CLEANERS With their brooms ready. Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. STREET. VIEWING STAND The CLERGYMEN stand.They're marching down the parade. STREET. CLERGYMEN AH! EXT. WIDE AND HIGH The entire parade is at frenzy pitch. CHOIR AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! EXT. VETERANS AH! EXT.
We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney behind the wheel of his car. HOUSE. then crosses to Ferris' house.CU. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. FRONT PORCH The house intercom activates. RASTAMAN His eyes are closed. HOUSE. PARKING ATTENDANT His eyes are wide with exhilaration. Broad. FERRIS' ROOM. 142 EXT. EXT. tongue out. I could take a nasty spill down the 142 141 140 139 . Ferris. SLO-MO. FERRIS Who is it? Rooney presses the intercom. excited smiles. CAR GRILLE It fills the frame and stops. Big smile. I'd like to have a word with you. CU. He looks at the house. FERRIS' HOUSE Rooney gets out of his car. SLO-MO. We see him peek in a window at the top of the door. 140 INT. Mouth open. CASSETTE PLAYER It clicks on. KIDS They're looking up in the air. looks up and down the street. FOYER Rooney's at the front door. ROONEY This is Ed Rooney. COMPUTER It acknowledges the doorbell. CU. Maniac at the wheel. CU. 139 CU. HOUSE. The doorbell rings. EXT. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. The car's shadow passes over them. SLO-MO. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE. following the car as it flies over them. STREETS. 141 INT. SLO-MO.
ROONEY Don't get smart with me Ferris! FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. Rooney rings the doorbell again. HOUSE. FERRIS' VOICE You may reach my parents at their places of business. He can't quite figure out what's going on. 144 INT. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Come down here. 144 143 . KITCHEN Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window. Rooney leans back from the door. There's no response. FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording. 143 INT. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside. ROONEY I'm not leaving until you come down and talk to me. ROONEY B.stairs and subject myself to further school absenses. Rooney presses the intercom. HOUSE. LIVING ROOM Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows.. The pre-recorded litany starts over. Rooney presses the intercom again. ROONEY I'm not leaving. His voice clicks off. Rooney presses the intercom again. There's a pause. But's it's highly suspicious..S. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day. Thank you for stopping by. Ferris. FERRIS' VOICE You can reach my parents at their places of business. It will be remembered long after this illness has past.
BACKDOOR A black rubber doggie door. FERRIS Have a nice day.. into the dining room.FERRIS' VOICE I appreciate your conern for my well-being. CAMERON How does she do that? One goes one way. FERRIS AND SLOANE They're sitting in a booth in the garish. this is nauseating me. HOUSE. nearly deserted strip joint. CU. I'm talking about 146 145 . CU. The type that allows a dog to come and go as it pleases. 145 EXT. SLOANE Ferris. It will be remembered long after. FERRIS You don't think it's amazing that we got in? SLOANE Who wants to get in? FERRIS Cameron looks like a toddler. He hears the dog. I'm losing respect for you by the bucket. Sloane is embarrassed and revolted. Rooney is crouched down. DOGGIE DOOR A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of gnashing teeth and foam. FERRIS She's probably schizophrenic. HOUSE. Through the kitchen.. HIS POV Along the kitchen floor. He lifts the doggie door and peeks in the house. Cameron's mouth is open in amazement. for Christ's sake. His face freezes. CAMERON. We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL. ROONEY He's peaking through the door. Really. 146 CU. one goes the other. LARGE BREASTS Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers. EXT.
Maybe she lost somebody. But consider why she does it. Then came act two. The club lights go down. That sex is all I think about. I feel it. I loved you at first glance. A child. you lies when you said you loved me and I had no cause to doubt you. FERRIS Maybe her life fell apart. A boyfriend. I've never known.. You seemed to change. FERRIS You know. Now. FERRIS Honey. You may think because I'm the age I am that I'm a sex maniac. But I'd rather go on hearing your lies than to go on living without you. (to CAMERA) This kind of thing makes me a little depressed. A parent. the stage is bare and I'm standing there with emptiness all around and if you won't . We think about love and matters of the heart. And why. SLOANE I'm not interested in watching someone jiggle their mammary glands. And we feel it. A lover. SLOANE I'm not a tramp. But that's not true. Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness. A sappy. You acted strange. And SAT scores and acne aside. FERRIS Point well taken. Act one was when we met. It's a terrible thing. I think alot of people my age are. Why she does it and you don't. curls his lip and affects an Elvis impression. You read your lines so cleverly and never missed a cue. someone said the world's a stage and each must play a part. I'm a romantic. He strolls slowly through the empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of blue light.. He flips his collar up. we worry about lonliness. with you as my sweetheart. do-wop track FADES UP. Ferris stands up from the booth. Fate had me playing in love. He climbs up on the little runway. The stripper disappears in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight.a major achievement in false identification.
148 EXT. He HIS POV The Attendant and the Rastaman are glowering at him. He reaches for the glovebox to if it's his. 147 EXT. 149 EXT. She's staring incredulously into the distance. JEANIE I'm gonna microwave his nuts. DOWNTOWN STREET.. then they can bring the curtain down. CU. Ferris lip synchs with the big.. It leans into the open car and see if the contents will confirm looks up slowly.SAVE FERRIS BUELLER.. TAXI CAB 150 149 148 147 at the car..come back to me. Her mouth's open. no. FERRIS' TOWN. ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? Ferris drops his head. JEANIE She's furious. He freezes. CAMERON'S FATHER No. Elvis fades up. MICHIGAN AVENUE Afternoon traffic. HER POV Spray-painted on the town water tower in gigantic black letters -. ATTENDANT You looking for something in my car? CU. The orignal recording. . CAMERON'S FATHER He shakes his head. 150 INT. ELVIS IS YOUR HEART FILLED WITH PAIN? SHALL I COME BACK AGAIN? TELL ME DEAR. He's studying it. CAMERON'S CAR Cameron's father is looking looks terribly familiar. dramatic florish that was the King's trademark ballad sign-off. Like the King would. She's shaking her head slowly. They're holding bags of fried chicken. JEANIE Jeanie's standing at her car.
FERRIS What's your overall impression? DRIVER It's very good here. Ferris sits back. I have to get the car home. FERRIS Clearly you've never been to an American high school. Ferris is on one window. Ferris is talking to the DRIVER. a submarine. SLOANE Jump back. what'd you see today? Cameron looks at him. Ferris. Cameron's been a good sport. FERRIS Cameron. He puts his arm around Sloane. seventy five dollars . a giant heart. FERRIS You saw four states. Cameron on the other. He leans forward and reads the driver's name off the city license. I know you don't care. FERRIS You think I don't care? CAMERON I know you don't care. Ferris. but it means my ass. how long have you been in America? DRIVER One year. Yuri..Ferris. Sloane's in the middle. FERRIS Better than Russia? DRIVER Much better here than in Russia. FERRIS So. FERRIS That hurts. CAMERON It's getting late.. FERRIS So. Cameron. Sloane and Cameron in the backseat of a checker.
Cameron and Ferris are on the floor. FLOOR. Fakes a yawn.. SLOANE Roast! She licks her finger and touches Ferris knee. FERRIS (to Sloane) What's he doing? SLOANE (revolted) He's looking at me and he's licking the glass and making obscene gestures with his hands. major league baseball and. He's about a foot from Ferris. He's frozen. TOM'S POV Ferris' frozen face. Thinks. FERRIS What?! Sloane bursts out laughing. feet up on the seat. with their backs to the back of the front seat. He freezes. He turns and looks right into CAMERA. She's wearing sunglasses. HER POV Tom stares at her. He's baffled. He looks away. In that cab is Tom. She makes a . HIS POV In the gridlock traffic.. FERRIS' POV Tom glances back at his paper. He pauses.worth of cooked pancreas. INT. Ferris realizes he's looking at something out the window. He turns. their cab is squeezed tight alongside another cab. On their asses. (quizical look) Are you gonna chuck your nachos? Cameron's staring past Ferris. TOM'S POV Sloane is sitting where Ferris was. looking bored. Turns back to CAMERA. CAB. Looks up. two of the most incredible breasts ever to come out of modern plastics. She turns and glances out the window.
PORCH Rooney's sitting on the porch patting a bloody knee with his handkerchief. Cameron follows. BACKYARD.. His suit coat pocket is torn off. mumbling again.. 154 EXT. TOM'S CAB Tom's looking into Ferris' cab. Rooney looks up at him. DOG The Rottweiler's chewing on a shoe.sizzling sound. FERRIS' HOUSE. ROONEY He's standing outside the fence. His hair's messed and there're grass-stains on his knees and elbows. Ferris and Sloane make the turn at Wacker Driver and disappear into the Stone Container Building. HOUSE. CU. Cameron's a few steps behind. you worthless mutt! HIS POV The Rottweiler leaps at CAMERA.please. 154 153 152 151 ... FRONT A florist truck pulls up in front of the house. CITY STREET Ferris is leading the way down Michigan Avenue. He's hustling through the crowd. INT. HOUSE. The delivery man hops up on the steps. He has Sloane by the hand. BACKYARD. He greets Rooney cheerily. She collapes on the seat in hysterics.. EXT. She's jogging to keep up. CAMERON Money. A DELIVERY MAN gets out iwth a huge floral arrangement. Tearing it apart. His suit pants are torn from the crotch to the knee. We see on the back of the paper a small story with the headline: COMMUNITY RALLIES AROUND SICK YOUTH. He turns and slowly raises his newspaper over his face. TOM He can't quite figure out what's going on. He heads up to the house. He's looking in at the dog.. HIS POV Sloane's bouncing up and down. 152 EXT. 151 EXT. ROONEY That's a $28. He's missing a shoe.00 dress shoe.tits. He keeps bumping into people. 153 EXT.
. (pause) You can reach my parents at their places of business. It will be remembered long after this illness has passed. Thank you for stopping by.. (continues) I don't know the details.DELIVERY MAN Howdy! He presses the doorbell.that in my weakened condition. FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? The Deliver Man presses the intercom.. DELIVERY MAN . Rooney is flabbergasted. DELIVERY MAN Focus on Flowers. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry but I can't come to the door right now. But my boss had to send to Milwaukee to get more orchids. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day. I appreciate your concern for my wellbeing. I have a delivery. ROONEY What? FERRIS' VOICE .. DELIVERY MAN Little bugger's dying. DELIVERY MAN What's your problem? ROONEY He's one of my students. DELIVERY MAN Nobody's home here? ROONEY No. A beat and we hear Ferris' recording. I'm very ill and I'm afraid. asshole.. ROONEY It's a recording. DELIVERY MAN (to the intercom) Thank you. DELIVERY MAN As I heard it from our mailman he was supposedly born with only half a kidney.. He's very popular. I could take a nasty spill and subject myself to further school absenses.
We hear her car radio. DELIVERY MAN Gotta run.J. He hands the arrangement to Rooney. CARD It's signed: ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY THE ENGLISH DEPT..J. RADIO STATION STUDIO The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D. is sitting behind his microphone. (pause) I have a guest with me today.J. He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck. Then he looks at the Delivery Man. FERRIS 157 156 155 . I guess there's hope for the human race afterall. DELIVERY MAN You wanna keep an eye on these? Rooney looks at the flowers. ROONEY (defeated) Oh. D. FACULTY AND STAFF 155 INT.. I don't know who that was or what they were playing but I apologize for it nonetheless. D. Rooney looks incredulously at the arrangement. STUDIO. FERRIS' HOUSE Jeanie's car pull in the driveway. His name is Ferris Mueller. CU.. Christ. 156 INT.You gonna be around for awhile? ROONEY I imagine so. DELIVERY MAN (happy sigh) It really touches me that so many people are rallying behind this guy. FERRIS He put his headphones on.. He opens the attached card. 157 EXT.
Sorry about that.J. D.. I think radio's a facinating medium. CAR ANTENNA The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in the air.Bueller. STUDIO Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone. Steve. it challenges the imagination. Ferris turns to CAMERA.. (pause) You know this. you and your listeners are probably not going to believe this but. D. I practise it in the bathroom all the time. CU. But I've never had the chance to sit behind a microphone and try it out for real. I'm in a very pleasant groove right now. FERRIS' VOICE . 159 INT. 158 INT. I have what I consider to be an excellent broadcast voice. He has an incredible story. This is a 50. JEANIE She goes into shock.. Unlike television which provides the images. Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio.J. affects a "radio" voice) Well. Her eyes blink. SCHOOL A group of kids are sitting around a blaster. speaks into the mike.. Ferris Bueller. It's going to by very thick and very steamy... FERRIS I'm going to tell a massive lie here. it's always been a dream of mine to be on the radio. INT. I used to play records and do introductions to them. I'm going out to several million people so let me just say.000 watt outlet. Anyway. FERRIS It's cool.I'm the first Chicago area youth 159 158 . CAR. radio. her head cocks. (clears his voice.
remember? He turns back to the DJ. car. But I can't prove it? I'm in high school. They're cheering him on. that I got in the driver's ed. D. 162 EXT. 161 INT. SCHOOL. car and spaced completely. FERRIS I was going to say I knew Springsteen's home phone number and I was going to give out the number of the New Jersey State Police but I thought I might get busted. How did you get picked for this. STUDIO Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA. BACKYARD. After I got flunked in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail box. which was not in any way. shape or from my fault. I'm so used to getting in a car and lighting up. 160 INT. But I had to work at Burger King to get the cash to pay for the driver's ed. It was weird. FERRIS' HOUSE. Anyway. FERRIS HOUSE. I took it again and passed. Heller's home number but is cost too much. lit up a 'boro and Mrs. Heller looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny out of my nose or something and I realized what the hell I was doing and I went to put it out and hit the mail box.to be selected to participate in a space shuttle mission. HALLWAY A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster. The flower arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog. FERRIS It's kind of a long story but I've been doing alot of programming for NASA.J. The broken pieces are all around the dog's head. ROONEY . The car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and I think Rooney pocketed the cash. because I'm not allowed to smoke at home. like I was told. I was putting out a cigarette. pulled out of the lot. EXT. I was so pissed off at her reaction to the whole thing that I considered running an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna use Mrs. BACKYARD 162 161 160 The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn.
She's startled by a noise downstairs. FRONT Rooney sneaks around the side of the house. Do you know where she is? Do you know when she'll be back? Do you know anything? She slams the phone down. He's back and she's going to nail him.. 164 EXT. HIS POV A glimpse of a fleeting figure. He drops down and peek in the windows. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie kicks the door open. HOUSE. 167 166 165 164 163 . JEANIE I knew it! She grabs the phone and sits down. 165 INT.. He slinks up on the porch. HOUSE. His head snaps around. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. CU. HOUSE. He peeks in. 167 INT. A smile spreads across her face. He hears something in the house. The front door's open.He's smiling with great satisfaction. 163 INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs. Bueller there? Where is she? This is her daughter. JEANIE Is Mrs. pooch. She stomps in and turns off the snoring synthesizer. ROONEY Sleep tight. The yardstick flings the covers and the pillows beneath them in the air. JEANIE The worm has luck like clams have body odor. FOYER Rooney sneaks into the house. He looks around the foyer and heads into the kitchen. She dials a number. HOUSE. 166 INT. ROONEY His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge.
Jeanie squeals in horror. D. I'm pretty flattered. HOUSE. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in the face. 173 . CAR Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to the radio. She flees back up the stairs. 168 169 INT. VOICE Can you stay around and take a few phone calls? FERRIS' VOICE I'd really like to but I have a kidney operation in about an hour. FOYER Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen. INT. back into the kitchen. FOYER Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an intruder.168 INT. 169 170 INT. CAR Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear. CAR Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the car. you can really have something to be proud of. He hits the deck.J. KITCHEN Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den. CAR Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house. HOUSE. EXT. KITCHEN Rooney comes out of the den. 173 INT. 170 171 INT. FERRIS' VOICE My input on the Star Wars defense plan was pretty substantial so I guess this is their way of rewarding me. 171 172 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 172 Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face. He crosses back toward the foyer. JOYCE If you're willing to commit a little time and a little money to this place. EXT.
BOYD How do you watch your mouth? JOYCE Do you know my son? . JOYCE His name is Ferris. VOICE I wish you the best of luck. Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name. FERRIS' VOICE Thanks.J. The clients get in the other side. She opens the car door. how are you bearing up? The kid stares at her. JOYCE Not that I know of. Boyd. INT.J. CAR The door opens. Joyce gets in.Don't let the black living room throw you off. MOTHER Watch your mouth. BOYD I knew he was bullshitting. D. BOYD Is he going up in the space shuttle in September? Joyce looks around at Boyd. VOICE A very interesting guy. I think you'd like him. JOYCE Did I tell you I have a son your age? BOYD Twice. A song starts. Ferris Bueller. She gives him a curious look. D. JOYCE (to the kid) Well. Steve.
Jeanie's face drops. If you have any brains whatsoever. you'll get your ass out of my house real quick. in our kitchen. STREET Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck. JEANIE'S VOICE Excuse me. (pause) My name is Bueller. possibly armed. She's in a panic. I'm very alone and I'm very protective of my body. In the distance SIRENS WAIL. 174 INT. JEANIE'S VOICE I'd also like to add that I have my father's gun. PARKING LOT The three are waiting for the Ferrari. If whoever's in the house is still in the house. JEANIE This is not a phoeny phone call. And a scorching case of herpes.FATHER Don't pay any attention to him. Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car. There's another pause. The intercom goes on. male caucasian. It's parked in front of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with parking citations. He thinks it's cute to bait adults. BOYD I don't think it's cute. There's an intruder. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. I'd rather not have it violated or killed. 176 EXT. I think it's fun. Rooney stiffens with fear. I'd like you to know that I have just called the police. okay? I'm very cute. 177 EXT. certainly weird. JEANIE It's real nice that you hope my brother's feeling better but I'm in danger. I need help! 175 INT. KITCHEN Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel. We HEAR TIRES 177 176 175 174 .
FERRIS Stunning! He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the passenger seat forward for Cameron. 178 EXT. FERRIS Cameron? How many miles did you say this thing had when we left? CAMERON 178 .SQUEALING. AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. We return the car. Ferris hands him the parking stub. Keep that in mind. DOWNTOWN STREET The Ferrari cruises through traffic. INT. And back to the speedometer. He glances down at the speedometer. then to the road. SLOANE What's next. CAMERON Nothing. FERRIS This is probably the last time you'll have to ride back here. what was your top speed coming down the ramp? BLACK GUY (matter-of-fact) About 60. FERRIS Just out of curiosity. SLOANE We could go to my house. Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes. FERRARI Sloane's in the passenger seat. FERRIS We have enough cash left for a quick flight to Peoria and back. Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in. Then the Ferrari pulls down the ramp and jams to a frightening stop. Ferris is driving and Cameron is crammed in the back. My parents aren't coming home until late. A BLACK GUY jumps out. CAMERON Very funny.
Why? How many miles are on it now? He glances down at the speedometer. He's trembling. SPEEDOMETER The odometer reads 432. Cameron. CU. He's concerned. FERRIS Hey. CU. vacant stare.One hundred and twenty six and halfway between three and four tenths. He starts to breathe heavily. FERRIS He shoots Sloane a look. CU. SLOANE Cameron! Cut it out! What's wrong?! Ferris! CU.7. SLOANE You okay? CU. TRAFFIC The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. It's okay. SLOANE She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms. MUFFLED SCREAM. CAMERON He's still holding the stare. Her gesture is one of genuine support. CU. EXPRESSWAY The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic. . EXT. We'll fix it. EXT. FERRIS (to CAMERA) Here's where Cameron goes berserk. FERRIS He looks at Sloane. CAMERON His eyes are frozen in a mindless. FERRARI Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron. INT. We HEAR A THUNDERING.
just shut-up. Her jaw goes slack.you. Nothing's a problem for you. But it's a problem for him! So. 179 INT. God! Thank you. HER POV 180 179 . It's completely fixable.FERRIS Cameron. JEANIE Thank. She turns back to Cameron. The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs.. VOICE Anybody home? FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry that I can't come to the door right now. FERRIS Eyes front. thank you. She whips it open. are you okay? It's no problem. Cameron? CU. FERRARI Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris. INT. SLOANE What can I do. Your old man won't know a thing. FOYER The doorbell rings. really. He knows what he's doing. The Ferris' tape is activated... 180 EXT.. FERRIS VOICE Who is it? We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom.. SLOANE Shut-up! It is a problem! For him it's a problem. FRONT DOOR The door swings open. JEANIE I'm saved! Thank you. HOUSE. thank you! She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door. She blinks her eyes. FERRIS' HOUSE..
A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps up on the porch. NURSE (sings) WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT WE. Rooney takes a deep breath. The door slams shut. GIRL She holds her smile. The passengers are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and take an empty seat next to a skinny. DRIVER You want a lift? Rooney takes a few more steps. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET Rooney's walking down the street. KID Hey. GIRL She looks at Rooney and smiles. ANOTHER KID Did you get in a fight? Rooney keep walking.The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the door with floral arrangements. From inside we hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON BLASTERS. A school bus is crawling alongside him as kids hang out the windows. She pushes her Coke bottle glasses up on her nose. Rooney! What're you doing? Rooney doesn't respond. The bus stops. myopic GIRL. BUS The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES. The bus doors open.. CU. GIRL I'll bet you never smelled a real school bus before. 182 181 . CU. The DRIVER calls out to him. Mr. 182 INT. 181 EXT. ROONEY He looks vacantly at her. CU.. He climbs aboard the bus. A top forty montage. Spread all around them are more flowers. He stops.
They're real soft and warm. BOY A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring at him. FERRIS This may very well be for real. GIRL They've been in pocket. The bus jerks forward and pulls away. BUS It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet street. He's always been a little keyed-up. GIRL She puts one in her mouth. Ferris WALKS INTO THE FOREGROUND. CU. CU.CU. CU. The BLASTERS go back on. ROONEY He stares at her. 183 EXT. BOY He leans forward. CU. CU. He addresses CAMERA. PARK 184 183 Cameron's laying on a picnic table. All I wanted to do . GIRL Gummi Bear? CU. She's stroking his hair. ROONEY He looks across to the kid. 184 EXT. ROONEY He turns him eyes to the front. ROONEY He stares at her. the SHOUTING RESUMES. FRESHMAN BOY It's kind of like being in the belly of the beast isn't it? CU. I think Cameron might have blown a micro-chip or two. Sloane's sitting beside him on the table. GIRL She holds up a candy package.
And basically that'll be it. SLOANE She's studying Cameron's face. He starts back to the picnic table. And we'll see each other at night and on the weekends but then he'll go to one school and I'll go to another. CU. That's what my parents call it. What do they call what they have? If that's love. He'll work and I'll work. the process of growing up will separate us. She won't respect him because you can't respect someone who kisses your ass. Then we have the summer. FERRIS (VO) Cameron's never been in love. . Sloane's stroking his hair. FERRIS My best friend has flipped-out. As much as we like each other. We're gonna graduate in a couple of months. personally. Then back to CAMERA. She still has another year of high school. FERRIS Sloane's a bigger problem. SLOANE Ferris? CU. At least no one's ever been in love with him.was give him a good day. This isn't just teenage infatuation. I'll take infatuation. She looks away. FERRIS He looks to the picnic table. And she's gonna treat him like shit because he's gonna kiss her ass for giving him what he's built-up in his mind as the end-all. FERRIS I'm being tested here. Conventional wisdom would suggest a visit to the nearest trauma center. I would. We follow him. I wouldn't fault anybody for doing that. He's gonna marry the first girl he lays. My. It just doesn't work. be-all of human existance. He begins to walk. CAMERON His eyes are closed. How do I deal with that? I was serious when I said I'd marry her. CU.
I think this calls for something new, something bold, something wet and wild. 185 CU. JACUZZI JET UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles. CU. BLASTER A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES UP. CU. BEER CAN LID The finger pops a beer. CU. OREO PACKAGE A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper. INT. JACUZZI Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer. Sloane's eating Oreos. FERRIS You feeling any better, Cameron? SLOANE The water's really nice. I wish you'd come in. CU. CAMERON Staring into space. CAMERON Surgery...fire...move... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers her his beer. FERRIS Cameron? Do you think this because of the car or is it a combination of everything shitty in your life? CU. CAMERON He doesn't respond. CAMERON Music...kiss...attack... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS 185
Sloane sips the beer. FERRIS You just can't deal with anymore shit? The car took you into the red zone? Time for a reality check? SLOANE Cameron? I could flip real easy, too. There's nothing wrong with it. At one time or another, everybody goes to the zoo. FERRIS Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe he wasn't bullshitting himself. CU. CAMERON No response. CAMERON Gesundheit...God...mercy... EXT. BACKYARD Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend. CU. CAMERON He smiles. CU. SLOANE She leans forward and stares at Cameron. CU. FERRIS He cocks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to. CU. CAMERON He keels over forward. EXT. BACKYARD Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down, face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for him. UNDERWATER Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water. UNDERWATER
Ferris grabs Cameron's collar and rips him out of the water. EXT. BACKYARD Ferris sits Cameron on the edge of the Jacuzzi. FERRIS CAMERON! CU. CAMERON His eyes are closed. He's lifeless. CU. FERRIS His face is a mask of terror. He shakes Cameron. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. CU. CAMERON A smile spreads across his face. CU. FERRIS He sees the smile. He stops shaking Cameron. EXT. JACUZZI Ferris and Cameron are looking at each other. Sloane's still screaming. She realizes that Cameron's okay. She stops screaming. SLOANE What? FERRIS (Cameron) You asshole! Cameron's smiling. SLOANE What? Ferris starts to laugh. Cameron explodes with laughter. Sloane's bewildered. SLOANE What's so funny? 186 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 186
Jeanie's sitting on a wooden bench with a WASTED TEENAGE BOY in a Triumph t-shirt, long hair, torn jeans, creepers, studs and chains. He's studying her. BOY Drugs?
Jeanie looks back at him. Jeanie turns away. BOY I meant. JEANIE Alright. thank you. JEANIE You really want to know what's wrong? The boy shrugs. The boy crosses his legs. are you here for drugs? Jeanie stares at him. He understands the emotion. In a nutshell. JEANIE Why are you here? BOY Drugs. If you've got the time. BOY You want to talk about your problem? JEANIE With you? Are you serious? BOY Yeah. I hate my brother. The boy nods. JEANIE I don't know why I'm here. I'm serious. I'm straight. How's that? BOY That's cool. .JEANIE No. Did you shoot him or something? JEANIE No. JEANIE Blow yourself. I've got the troubles. BOY Then why don't you go home? JEANIE Why don't you put your thumb up your butt? The boy stares at her. not yet.
You oughta spend a little more time dealing with yourself and a little less time worrying about what your brother does. JEANIE Why should he get to ditch school when everybody else has to go? BOY You could ditch. BOY So. JEANIE Excuse me? BOY Excuse you. JEANIE I'd get caught. Jeanie stares angrily at him. BOY You know him? .JEANIE I went home to confirm that the shithead was ditching school and a guy broke into the house and I called the cops and they picked me up for making a phoney phone call. BOY There's somebody you should talk to. BOY What do you care if your brother ditches school? Jeanie stares at the boy. JEANIE If you say Ferris Bueller. you lose a testicle. The boy nods knowingly. It's just an opinion. Partly because he's so bold and partly because he's so right. BOY Then your problem is you. Jeanie stares at him threateningly. you're pissed at him because he ditches and doesn't get caught? JEANIE Basically.
I I was thinking And I realized and difference goes to shit. CAMERON Thank you. . JEANIE'S HAND It curls into a fist. The whole time things over. FERRIS Bathroom. Cameron. ACCELERATOR A brick's resting on the accelerator. it doesn't make if the present 187 FERRIS I have a agree with you there. INT. what would it be? FERRIS Sloane is naked before your eyes and you're thinking about words? SLOANE God bless you. CAMERON I've been thinking all day that if you could only have the use of one word. SLOANE Really. Ferris. Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage. FERRARI TIRE It's spinning rapidly. SLOANE Come on. The Ferrari is jacked up. 187 CU. meditating. about the future. The wheels are turning. CAMERON If you guys only had one word. answer his question. holding it down. CAMERON I was just thinking was like. The engine's racing. what would it be? FERRIS I can't believe you'd think up something like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi right in front of you. Sloane. CAMERON'S GARAGE Ferris.CU. CY.
CAMERON The miles aren't coming off. ODOMETER Nothing's happening.. GARAGE Cameron pulls his head out of the car. SLOANE You wanna be generic? CAMERON It's help. Ferris looks up. FERRIS Cash. She thinks. INT. . CAMERON The word is help. running it in reverse. FERRIS Hello. CU. Cameron smiles at his wisdom. CAMERON It's the only word you could ever use. CAMERON Ferris? It's not working.. It's a good choice. Cameron peeks in the window. Ferris and Sloane think about it. FERRIS And what is you loathe somebody? Are you going to say "love" every time you see them? SLOANE It's better than "hello".SLOANE I'd say. Cameron gets up and walks to the Ferrari. SLOANE Love. FERRIS Hellos' generic.
A $50. Cameron shakes his head. he's finally going to have to deal with me. FERRIS This is a big U-2 fan. It's cool. against my family.FERRIS I thought that might be a problem. MERCEDES BUMPER Cameron's foot rests on the bumper. CAMERON Seventeen years and I've never taken a stand. Let's crack open the odometer and roll it back by hand. A beat and it gives a mighty shove. CU. I'm gonna do it. When my father comes home tonight. TIRE The spinning tires slam down on the cement. CU. my present and my future. She applauds him. CAMERON He's serious and determined.000 . CU. I will take a stand and I will defend it. CAMERON I got a better idea. I'm taking a stand against my father. CU. I'm taking a stand. Good or bad. GARAGE Cameron has kicked the Ferrari off the jack. SLOANE She smiles proudly at Cameron. CU. CU. TIRES It's spinning wildly. against my past. INT. He walks back around behind the Ferrari. against myself. He has made up his mind and it appears that it won't be changed by anyone but himself. I will not sit idly by as events that affect me unfold to change the course of my life. FERRIS He turns to CAMERA. Now. It squeals out of the garage in a cloud of blue tire smoke.
Cameron. GARAGE Ferris and Sloane exchange baffled looks. INT. SLOANE Why? CAMERON I took a stand. Then a look of bewilderment comes over his face. FERRIS You trashed the car. across the street. TREE The Ferrari's brief journey ends as it smacks a tree trunk. Cameron looks across the street.unmanned investment heading backwards down a driveway. THEIR POV The Ferrari travels down the driveway. SLOANE AND FERRIS They're in shock. HOUSE The Ferrari shoots down the driveway. They look at Cameron. FERRIS No. CU. INT. Cameron thinks for a moment. You wrecked a car. Then he regains his confidence. FERRIS What was that about? SLOANE This has to be a dream. He shoots a look to Ferris. He's proud and bold. . FERRIS Cameron? One quick question. A puzzled look. Why'd you do that? Cameron holds his proud posture for a beat. EXT. Ferris and Sloane are bewildered. CU. GARAGE Cameron watches the car go. over the curb into the wooded property opposite the house. CAMERON It's okay. He's strangely placcid about the impending disaster.
OFFICER Oh. Cameron looks at him. Outside the office. JOYCE She's never been in trouble before. by the way. SLOANE What about your one word? CAMERON You already did it. FERRIS I have an idea. If you're interested. I appreciate your calling me. 188 INT. I'll use it. I can assure you that her father and I will have a long talk with her. 188 . This is a shock to me. I don't know why she'd call you with this story about a rapist.Ferris looks across the street at the car. Joyce looks at the officer curiously. JOYCE I hope so. CAMERON No. OFFICER For whatever reasons she did it. we see Jeanie and the boy making out. Second. If I need it again. I want to deal with it by myself. CAMERON It's cool. First. He raises am impish eyebrow. CAMERON I'm gonna handle it. POLICE STATION. FERRIS I think this could work. JOYCE Thank you. I think she'd had a good scare. OFFICE Joyce is talking with the juvenile officer. thanks. He smiles. I don't know why she wasn't at school. He shakes his head. I'm loose. I hope you son's feeling better. The gathers her purse and jacket and stands. on the bench.
OFFICER Tell him. It was pretty cool. JEANIE (to the boy) If you keep this to yourself. FERRIS Yeah. I guess. young lady. The boy adjusts his pants to better hide his passion. Jeanie wipes her lips and sits up straight. BOY For sure. Jeanie reaches down for her purse. BOY What's your name? JEANIE Jean. JEANIE Hi. all the guys at the station here are pulling for him. His old man had it coming. He'll be okay. Get your stuff. 190 EXT. She's still a little bewildered that everybody knows Ferris was ill. Jeanie stands up. SLOANE I had a great time today. SLOANE You think Cameron's gonna be alright? FERRIS Sure. What's yours? BOY Garth Volbeck. WAITING ROOM Jeanie quickly breaks the embrace with the boy as Joyce steps out of the juvenile officer's room. He had to so it. JOYCE Don't "hi" me. I'd be worried if he'd 190 189 . 189 INT. POLICE STATION. SLOANE'S BACKYARD Sloane and Ferris are standing at the back fence. I think we can probably get it on pretty good.
He runs directly for a swimming pool. ". It gives us great pleasure to assist 193 . CU. FERRIS No. He's approaching it from the side.765. BEDSPREAD Neatly bundles stacks of bills and rolled coins. He kisses her.. Sloane smiles knowingly.in the amount of $1. He jumps a plaster elf. Sloane watches him go. 192 EXT. CU. did you? FERRIS Not a glimmer. She turns and runs into the house. 191 EXT.. BACKYARD Ferris sprints across a backyard. springs off. A huge smile spreads across her face. does a flip and lands on the grass on the other side of the pool. hits the diving board. I know it. SLOANE You didn't have an idea. PIECE OF PAPER We see a portion of the typewritten letter as she signs it. SLOANE You're so smart.taken my idea. Sloane nods. ANOTHER BACKYARD 192 191 Ferris vaults a fence. I'm just real loose. SLOANE I LOVE YOU! She backs away from the fence. He leaps.33. Ferris jumps the fence and takes off across the backyards. SLOANE She's writing. FERRIS I'll call you tonight. MUSIC FADES UP. A significant amount of cash. 193 CU. SLOANE He's gonna marry me.
He smiles.you in performance of your worthy and much needed survives to those so desperately in need. He reaches down and lifts the doormat. Sloane Peterson Executive Director The Ferris Bueller Foundation" 194 EXT. MIRROR We see Ferris cut across a front lawn and into a house. He parks and gets out. FERRIS He stares up in horror. 196 EXT. 195 INT. PORCH The outline of a key in the dirt under the mat. CU. 197 196 195 194 . HOUSE Ferris runs through the kitchen. Sincerely. CAR. Joyce pulls in from the other direction. HOUSE. PORCH Ferris stands up. The key's gone. BACK PORCH Ferris tries the door. CU. An OMNIOUS CHORD IS STRUCK. He's holding the house key. FERRIS' HOUSE Tom pulls in the driveway. He glances in the mirror. HIS POV Rooney's looking down at him. FERRIS' STREET He's running down the middle of the street. 197 EXT. Ferris moves to the side. He does a take. fixing dinner and out her backdoor. Tom's at the wheel. A car honks. It's locked. INT. CU. EXT. HIS POV. The toe of a chewed-up dress shoe steps INTO FRAME. TOM He realizes it couldn't be Ferris. The Woman looks up curiously. past a WOMAN. The car pulls around him.
ROONEY I got you. JEANIE (to Rooney) Thank you for bringing him home. Then it dawns on him what's happening. CU. you're alright! We've been worried sick! CU. ROONEY He's dumbfounded. Ferris. JEANIE . FERRIS A moment of curiosity. This time I finally got you. JEANIE Can you imagine someone as sick as Ferris trying to walk home from the hospital? (shakes her head) Kids! CU. There's no way out. PORCH Jeanie breaks the embrace. (to Ferris) You better get up in bed tight now. JEANIE Thank God. Ferris limps into the house. Jeanie looks out. ROONEY How does another year of high school sit with you? Suddenly. His victory is evaporating. Ferris is caught. She feigns joy and relief. Rooney. She rushes Ferris and hugs him. CU. He smiles. Rooney gloats severely. EXT. Mr. the backdoor opens. ROONEY His eyes dart from Ferris to Jeanie to Ferris.ROONEY Looking for this? FERRIS Yes.
KITCHEN Kimberly and Todd are sitting at the kitchen table watching TV and eating cereal. 198 INT. 200 199 198 . They look up at Ferris as he comes in from outside. 199 EXT. Jeanie comes in. lost. A huge smile passes over her face. he has Jeanie to deal with next year. shit! Ferris takes out a bottle of orange juice out of the refrigerator and drinks straight from the bottle. Kimberly feels her head.C. Rooney squeezes his eyes shut. GROWL. KIMBERLY Oh. but Kimberly's is. CU. 200 INT. ROONEY A look of terror as he realizes that is was Jeanie who kicked him and that Jeanie knows it was he who she kicked. DOG The click of the door wakes him up. FERRIS No. TODD Ferris? Does my head look like it's getting bigger? Ferris leans against the counter as he tries to catch his breath. ROONEY He senses new danger. KIMBERLY (to Todd) Is he serious? TODD I think so. CU.She raises her hands and strikes a karate pose. dejected. His head pops up off the grass. PORCH Jeanie steps into the house. EXT. He crosses to the refrigerator and opens it. CU. YARD. bewildered face. We hear AN O. Not only has he lost Ferris again. HOUSE The door closes on Rooney's defeated. He looks at his little brother.
FERRIS I want to. KIMBERLY Is my head swelling up? 203 INT. FERRIS By the way. JEANIE I'm sorry I've been riding your buns for so long. Jeanie. I'll pay you back.FERRIS Thanks. HOUSE. Mom! 204 INT. FERRIS Upstairs. JEANIE You don't have to. JOYCE (OC) Ferris! Ferris continues up the stairs. He affects a sickly voice. HOUSE Joyce and Tom head up to the kitchen. 202 INT. JEANIE No problem. I've been ripping off your wallet for years. KITCHEN Ferris and Jeanie exit the kitchen as Joyce and Tom enter. Ferris and Jeanie step gingerly through the flowers and head upstairs. I borrowed some cash from you. 201 EXT. plants and gifts. SECOND FLOOR LANDING Ferris and Jeanie stop. guys. FERRIS It's completely cool. JOYCE (to Todd and Kimberly) Hi. 204 203 202 201 . Ferris gives her a proud smile. FOYER The foyer is jammed with floral arrangements. JEANIE You don't have to.
FERRIS The same deathly face he had in the morning. He climbs into bed. FERRIS I'm much better. Tongue out. Please. JEANIE Is he cool? FERRIS He's cool.. FERRIS Maybe you're right. They walk over to the bed. There's no point pushing yourself and making it worse. 205 INT. brushes the crumbs off his hands and peels off his shirt. JOYCE How did you get so sweet? 205 . I'm graduating in June and I. thank you. JOYCE Honey? CU. Ferris walks into the room. You're sick. BEDROOM Tom and Joyce hover over him with deep concern. really. Dad. FERRIS (deathly gasp) 150% better. No sooner are the covers over him than the bedroom door opens and Joyce and Tom walk in. But stay away from his brother. TOM I know I'm right. Joyce leans over and kisses him forehead. TOM (OC) Ferris? How do you feel? He pulls in his tongue to speak.. TOM Ferris. eyes bulging. don't make me stay home again. I want to go to school. Joyce sits down.JEANIE Do you know a guy named Garth Volbeck? FERRIS Vaguely.
FERRIS You gotta get one. He rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his head.FERRIS Years of practice. Ferris looks at CAMERA. breathing joy and delight. CU. He smiles. Tom pats Ferris on the rump. life is a carousel. MUSIC UP BIG END TITLES THE END . A great big crazy ball of pure living. He and Joyce exit. FERRIS The hideous face. FERRIS (happy sigh) Yeah. A beat and we HEAR THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSE.
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