Where's Mom? TODD Is my head going to swell up? TOM What?! JEANIE OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!! MOTHER (JOYCE) (screams) TOM! The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP. TODD What's that? KIMBERLY Wait! Hold still! TODD What?! KIMBERLY You heads starting to swell up!! Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the hallway. A door open. TOM (breathless) What's the matter? JOYCE (worried) It's Ferris! TOM What's wrong? JOYCE (snaps) What's wrong? For Christ's sake! Look at him! 2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA. His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side. 3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties. Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed 3 2

for work. TOM Ferris? JOYCE He doesn't have a fever. But he says his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots. 4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS His lifeless eyes blink. 5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead. TOM What's the matter, Ferris? JOYCE Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy. Tom takes one of Ferris' hands. TOM (discreetly) Should you call the doctor? JOYCE (whispers) He doesn't want me to. TOM Why don't you want Mom to call the doctor? Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can manage is a choked gasp. TOM What? Ferris tries again. FERRIS (raspy) Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up. He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down. FERRIS I have a test today. I have to take it. I want to get into a good college so I can have a fruitful life... JOYCE You're not going to school like this. (to Tom) Maybe I should call the office and 5 4

. Jeanie. defeated) You're really letting him stay home? I can't believe this. Jeanie. TOM That's enough. If I was bleeding out my eyes. I wanna puke. She glares at Ferris. His body stiffens and he chokes. JOYCE (annoyed) Thank you. I feel perfectly. JEANIE (angry. It's so unfair. She's dressed for school. JEANIE (to herself) Oh. Cherish it. She's cute and stuck-up. KIMBERLY Myocardial infarction? JOYCE . FERRIS I'm okay. JEANIE You're not falling for this. Dry that one out and you can fertilize the lawn. FERRIS Is that Jeanie? I can't see that far. FERRIS Please don't be upset with me. Ferris' brother.. fine. are you? Tell me you're not falling for this. you guys'd make me go to school. right.tell them I won't be in. JEANIE. What's this? What's his problem? JOYCE He doesn't feel well. Jeanie? JEANIE Pucker up and squat.Oh. She slips out of the room. A major pill. walks into the room. KIMBERLY peek into the room. Jeanie. JEAN Oh. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. God! He's gripped by a seizure. His older sister. Mom. Be thankful that you're fit and have your health. Ferris. Get to school. TODD and sister. JEAN Yeah.

FERRIS It's nice to know I have such loving. You're both very special people.. She turns sharply and exits.Get your stuff. too. TODD (worried) Dad? Does my head look alright? JOYCE Get downstairs! Now! TODD Just answer me one question! Is it swelling up? Kim said it was going to get as big as. TOM Get downstairs! KIMBERLY If he dies. KIMBERLY (OC) A WATERMELON! TODD (yells out the room) Shut-up! JOYCE Get downstairs! NOW! Todd backs out of the room. if you need me. Maybe I'll have an aspirin around noon. KIMBERLY Syphilitic meningitus? That would be a huge family embarrassment. 6 CU. I got dibs on his stereo. FERRIS 6 . caring parents. JOYCE (to Ferris) I'm showing houses to the family from California today but I'll be in the area. FERRIS I'll be okay. I'll just sleep. Daddy'll be right down. My office'll know where I am. TOM I'll check it with you..

The lock clicks. sweetie. Parents are generally pretty hip to the fever scams. BEDROOM Ferris yanks open the drapes. 8 CU. TOM (OC) Call if you need us. FERRIS They bought it. It's a good. You get a nervous mother and you end up in a doctor's office 10 9 8 7 . 9 CU. His glassy eyes follow his parents to the door. It's physical evidence of illness. FERRIS Ferris lets out a wheeze. 10 INT. little smile crawls across his lips. pumpkin. The MTV theme music ROARS IN.He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids. Tom pats his shoulder. (looks out the window) What a beautiful day! He turns from the window. JOYCE She strokes Ferris' hair. FERRIS Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. TV SCREEN The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. JOYCE I hope you feel better. BEDROOM. JOYCE (OC) We love you. And to make them work you have to go a hundred and one. FERRIS Parents always fall for the clammy hands. 7 INT. They close the door. The pall of the sickroom disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight. A sly. She leans down and kisses his forehead. The MTV logo is playing. TOM Get some rest. hundred and two. Ferris' eyes shift from the door to CAMERA. non-specific symptom.

moaning and wailing. 12 11 . FERRIS That I care about it was. So. Right? He equalizes the sound a little. 11 INT. He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV broadcast. I don't plan to be European. 12 INT. He exits into the hallway. He pops up. Through the pebbled glass of the shower door we see Ferris' outline. who gives a shit if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists and it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. FERRIS I don't care if you're fifty five or seven. This If I have must FERRIS is my ninth sick day with semester. just lick your palms. FERRIS Fake a stomach cramp and when you're doubled over. It's a beautiful day. I absolutely make this one count.and that's worse than school. What's the point? I'm not European. It's littered with Jean's debris. BATHROOM Ferris walks into the bathroom. I mean. It's a little stupid and childish but then so if high school. He steps into the shower. I'm probably going to to barf up a lung. Ferris' hair is standing straight up. How can I be expected to handle high school? He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. It's moulded into a fin with shampoo. That wasn't bullshit. A NEW SONG begins. SHOWER STALL. everybody needs a day off now and then. FERRIS I do actually have a test. go for ten. Inside the shower. FERRIS It's on European socialism. He turns on the shower water. So. really. BATHROOM.

FERRIS (sings) WELL SHAKE IT UP." A good point there. FERRIS I could be the Walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off people. 14 INT. TWIST AND SHOUT.He turns the shower head around and uses it like a microphone. Just like that. I just believe in me. Or and "isms". Afterall. FERRIS Not that I condone fascism. It took you twenty years to find out you don't believe in anything?" (snaps his fingers) Grounded. He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it. in my opinion are not good. Two weeks. he was the Walrus. HALLWAY. They can be real touchy. FERRIS My uncle went to Canada to protest the war. (pause) Be careful when you deal with old hippies. A person should not believe in an "ism".. right? On the Fourth of July he was down with my aunt and he got drunk and told my Dad he felt guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam.. John Lennon said it on his first solo album. He's drying his hair with another of a different color. 13 INT. "Isms". Uncle Jeff? In wartime you want to be a pacifist and in peacetime you want to be a soldier. 14 13 ... LATER Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. FERRIS (OC) I'm not very political? Let me put that into perspective. He should believe in himself. He opens his door. "What's the deal. BABY. BEDROOM Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed. He passes CAMERA and goes into his room. "I don't believe in Beatles. So I said.

He picks it up. "Nothing". If she listens to the White Album now? She doesn't hear music. I wouldn't want him here. Alot of fights with the parents on that point. He drops the towel. The smoke tasted like glue. It was because of his family. which is complete bullshit. . She got old. His father's dead and his sister's rumored to be a prostitute. if I was him. She only puts out so people will hang out with her. Nothing was wrong. Nostalgia is her favorite drug. There was no specific thing he was crying about. FERRIS His name is Garth Volbeck. I was sleeping at his house once and I was laying on the dark worrying that his brother was going to come in and hack me to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying.15 INT.. He finds a shirt he likes. Do unto others. Not a bad guy. It'll probably be mine. BEDROOM He walks across the room to his dresser. Better to hold it against the guys who use her and don't care about her. There's an old model of a submarine on the top of the dresser. I hope not. FERRIS My mother was a hippie. (pause) My parents never allowed Garth over here. He's in jail. But she lost it. I mean. I could see them not wanting his brother here because he is a registered psycho. 16 . I asked him what was wrong and he said. It isn't his fault that his brother's screwed-up. I do what I can for him. FERRIS In eighth grade a friend of mine made a bong out of one of these. I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of artificial fruit just so he could see what it was like to have his stomach pumped. I always felt for Garth. 15 16 INT. He steps back from the closet and puts it on.. Mainly his older brother. she hears memories. his mother owns a gas station. too. But Garth isn't his brother. I'd appreciate it. He's a serious outsider. CLOSET The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts. He gets dressed as he speaks. He pulls out a pair of underwear. right? Anyway. I'm probably his only friend. It's sad but I don't hold it against her. I like him. He opens his underwear drawer.

I myself have ditched and gotten so bored I did homework. His legacy is a gas station. FERRIS One very serious danger is playing sick is that it's possible to believe your own act.In fact. STAIRCASE Ferris comes down the stairs. HOUSE. It was a habit. He crosses to the pantry. The guy's so conditioned to grief that if he doesn't feel it. Garth doesn't need his brother to give him a rep anymore. Gone from life. It's over for him. He's lost. FERRIS Unfortunately. Otherwise you get all nervous worrying about what to do and all you get is grief and the whole point is to take it easy. FERRIS You have to plan things out before you take the day off. He just cried himself to sleep every night. He's getting one on his own. He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet door. He's wearing a completely different outfit. they do feel for him but still the guy's banned from our house. He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice. Gone from school. Then they realize there's nothing to do. How could you possibly dump on guy who has to deal with that kinda shit? My parents acknowledge the trudge of the situation and I'm sure that deep down. He doesn't like what he's wearing. now my parents have a legit argument. Figure that shit out. he can't sleep. 17 INT. He continues his speech as he disrobes. Alot of people ditch and feel great for about an hour. KITCHEN Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the refrigerator. FERRIS That and boredom. 18 INT. he wasn't really even aware that he was crying. cut loose and enjoy. He's eighteen. FERRIS 18 17 . TV and food.

U2's SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY is playing. And it's not always recognized.. rich future ahead of him. FERRIS There's alot of pressure at work in my age group. ANOTHER HOUSE A sleek. only a silhouette with a thermometer sticking out his mouth. he looks at someone like me and thinks. 23 INT. "This kid's young and strong and has a full.. We don't see his face. FERRIS He remote controls the TV on. 23 22 21 20 19 . dreary sick room. FAMILY ROOM. floor strewn with used tissues.shelter. Shades drawn. CAMERON Food.. what's he got to bitch about?" 20 CU. when everybody's out of school. nightstand a still-life of over the counter remedies. CAMERON FRYE. He reaches over and picks up the telephone. FERRIS That's just one reason why I need a day off every now and then. FAMILY ROOM Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair.yes. A telephone rings OVER. you're going to wish you'd gone to school so you could be out having fun.no. PHONE He punches out a number. 19 INT. Do it right.. A high school boy. FERRIS Avoid the misery. BOY'S BEDROOM It's a dark. 22 EXT. A prime house in a prime location.. He sets it in his lap. Plan your day. modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres.. is laying in bed. He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos. 21 INT. He's mumbling random words. FERRIS Some guy whose hair is falling out and his stomach's hanging over his belt and everything he eats makes him fart...You blow your day and at about three o'clock.

24 INT. come on over and pick me up. CAMERON (weak) Hello? FERRIS' VOICE Cameron! What's happening? CAMERON Very little. CAMERON She's not home. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM. 25 INT. CAMERON'S VOICE I can't. CAMERON I feel like complete shit. 25 24 . Cameron slowly hangs up the phone. Now. Ferris. CAMERON I'm dying. FERRIS' VOICE Is your mother in the room? Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry to hear that. CAMERON'S ROOM Cameron's insistant. FERRIS It's all in your head. I'm sick. FERRIS I'm taking the day off. Where are you? FERRIS' VOICE Home. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker phone button. FERRIS Ferris is sprawled out in the chair. I can't go anywhere. Get dressed and come over. FERRIS' VOICE How do you feel? CAMERON Shredded.The phone rings. Come on over. Ferris disconnects.

26 INT. pristine loafers. (after-thought) And Cameron would worry that he'd owe taxes on it. Pardon by French but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM Ferris hangs up.The phone rings again. rotting Air Jordans. SCHOOL. CAMERA enters a classroom. scuffed heels. Cameron hits the speaker button. GIRL'S VOICE Here. It travels past a teacher's Hush Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow Reebocks. A shoe's POV. His roommate'll kill him.. He's a little easier to take when you know why he's like he is. HALLWAY We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. You just can't think of anything good to do. TEACHER'S VOICE Albers? BOY'S VOICE Here. FERRIS' VOICE You're not dying. I've come close myself. He has alot of things to sort out before he graduates. TEACHER'S VOICE Anheiser? BOY'S VOICE Here. TEACHER'S VOICE Anderson. TEACHER'S VOICE Busch? GIRL'S VOICE 27 26 . it's Cameron. He can't be wound this tight and go to college.. The boy cannot relax. in two weeks you'd have a diamond. But I like him. 27 INT. FERRIS If anybody needs a day off.

Here. CU. Simone. The big chase at the end. TV The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws Humongous back in his seat. He reaches down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve. I guess it's pretty serious. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? GIRL'S VOICE He's sick. INT. TEACHER'S VOICE Drucker? BOY'S VOICE What? WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD. He's steering. TV THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. GIRL'S VOICE (cheery) No problem whatsoever. He gives it a twist. CU. (pause) My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out at 31 Flavors last night. 28 . He's wearing a hockey mash. CU. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that it's empty. TEACHER'S VOICE (weary) Thank you. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS He throws himself back against the chair. 28 CU. FERRIS He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war wagon. TV Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve.

how gross they act or how wicked and insensitive they can be. CU. TV IMPACT! MOZART COMES UP. He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill. FERRIS Arms outstretched. With interest. FERRIS He rears back in horror. I'll pay it back. CU. head thrown back. In times of crisis one must to what one must to. records. Clothes everywhere. He holds up a twenty and snaps it. you should not alientate them. Petite pink flowers. He comes up with a five. TV The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the tanker truck. CU. 29 CU. But. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY" 29 . Very damaging to the self-image. CU. It's Jeanie's room. A pink and powder blue pig pen. I'm broke. Ferris is sitting on her bed going through a purse. CU. braced for collision. hey. how often they rat on you. TV The was wagon hurtles down the road. make-up. FERRIS Financing my activities this way. Because most likely they have cash and it's usually very easy to get your hands on. FERRIS He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high speed ride.CU. FERRIS Regardless of how much shit sisters make you eat. FERRIS This is really degrading. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH Outside a bedroom window. books. A flowering crabtree branch. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE ROOM.

a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. PARENTS' BEDROOM Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. 35 CU. SOFA Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice. CU. WASHING MACHINE TOP A couple of stiff. 34 CU. SNOOPY BANK It's being shaken furiously. A screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and pops them apart. A U. 32 CU. BIRTHDAY CARD It's a child's card. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth. A hand peels the bills off the backing. new five. He closes the door. HALL CLOSET The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets of the coats. 39 INT. KITCHEN DRAWER Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. A roll of Tums. 38 CU. dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the floor. 30 INT. A hand scoops them up. Then a modest wad of bills. A ten. bleached singles that have gone through the wash lay on top of the washer. 40 CU. 37 CU. COIN COLLECTION The familiar blue collector's album. LIVING ROOM The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions. hard. One-by-one. the quarters are being popped out of their slots.S. Mint proof set. His face lights up as he counts out the cash. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET An obvious gift from a grandparent. 31 INT. FLOOR AND BED 40 39 38 37 36 35 34 33 32 31 30 . VACCUUM CLEANER The dusty. Locating a dollar bill. A squirt gun. Another crumpled bill surfaces.COMES UP. 36 CU. 33 CU.

TABLE LEG Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used to balance the table. His arm reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed. An awl is driven in between the door and the jamb. JOYCE No one's going to consider a house with a black living room. AGENT 1 Mrs. a Zippo lighter and. I'm so sorry. Not even those jerks from Vermont. 42 INT. BANK It's on a work bench. 44 INT. a five dollar bill. Across from her are two WOMEN. 48 EXT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. OFFICE Joyce is behind a desk. 41 CU. FERRIS' BED A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. 46 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL A modern. 43 CU. Inside are trading cards. a charred doll's head. Volbeck's dead set against putting any money into the house. 45 CU. It pries the door open. I completely forgot to call. She take the call. A cute little building in town. JOYCE Joyce Bueller. Her eyes open wide with alarm. They're also real estate agents. JOYCE Oh. KITCHEN Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter. 48 47 46 45 44 43 42 41 .Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. The SONG ENDS. suburban high school. MORNING A suburban realty company. Let's be realistic. finally. my God. KITCHEN Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table. 47 INT.

He's confident to the point of arrogance. 50 INT. ROONEY. DEAN ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. COMPUTER MONITOR The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records. Ferris is home sick. Bueller. SCHOOL. 51 50 49 . Behind him is a computer terminal. EDWARD R. The dean's feet are up on the desk. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. We hear the dean inside the office. CU. CU. He's tough. DEAD OF STUDENTS. DESK SIGN It reads. The hall is clogged with students. clean and straight as an I-beam. DEAN'S VOICE Are you also aware that Ferris does not have what we consider an exemplary attendance record? 51 INT. JOYCE'S VOICE This is all news to me. ROONEY If Ferris thinks he coast this last month and still graduate. Moderately priced dress shoes. He removes his feet from the desk and turns in his swivel chair. neatly combed hair. SCHOOL. He's toying with a pencil. Mrs. It completely slipped my mind. CU. he's sorely mistaken. I should have called. ROONEY I just has his file up. INT. JOYCE'S VOICE Yes. I am. DEAN'S VOICE I just had his file up. I had a meeting first thing this morning. Short.MAN'S VOICE Are you aware that your son is not in school today? 49 INT. OFFICE. suit and tie. JOYCE'S VOICE I don't understand. HALLWAY It's a passing period. DEAN'S OFFICE. behind the sign.

ROONEY I have it right here in front of me. 54 INT. INT. I can appreciate that at this time of year children are prone to taking the day off. SOLO GUITAR. TV MONITOR We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck. he's been absent nine times. but in Ferris' case. I debated whether or not I should even leave him. OFFICE Rooney turns to the monitor. JOYCE'S OFFICE She's still on the phone with Rooney. 52 INT. He's playing.. LED METERS The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone. 54 53 52 . very ill. FERRIS I wanted a car. FERRIS' BEDROOM MUSIC BLASTS. How's that for being born under a bad sign? 53 INT. CU. He looks closer at the screen. CU. Including today.ROONEY'S VOICE So far this semester alone. He has his record up on the screen. I got a computer.. JOYCE'S VOICE Nine times? Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a number 2. CU. FERRIS' ROOM Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. SPEAKER The grille cloth is throbbing. in fact. He reads off the screen. JOYCE I can give you every assurance that Ferris is home and that he is. he's truly a very sick boy. He's missed.

HALLWAY 58 57 56 55 . They said he's like on the verge of death. 56 INT.CU. A GIRLFRIEND comes up to her. I mean I heard he's really sick. GIRL A whole bunch of people. Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl. She kicks her locker shut. 57 INT. JEANIE What're you sorry for? I have to live with the trouser snake. He sighs deeply and fall back on the bed. 58 INT. man. (point to the phone) Freshman. CAMERON'S ROOM He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. JEANIE Who said he's sick. 55 INT. SCHOOL. VIDEO CAMERA A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape. FERRIS A sample of my blood was sent to Atlanta to the Center for Disease Control. HALLWAY Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. GIRL No. I don't know. (to the phone) Did you see Alien? When the guy had the creature in his stomach? It feels like that. Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment. I'm bricking heavily. FERRIS' ROOM He's in bed on the phone. GIRL This guy in my biology class said that if Ferris dies he's giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's really sweet isn't he? She smiles and exits. GIRL I'm really sorry about your brother. SCHOOL.

why? He hands her the phone. no.. Hold on. I can't handle summer school. BOY You never rented the video cassette? Second boy shakes his head. GIRL Hello? (pause) Who? (pause) . He's really wasted. BOY Did you see Alien? GIRL Yeah.. BOY Goddamn! Are you kidding? SECOND BOY What? BOY Did you see Alien? SECOND BOY No. sure.Yeah. He's getting me out of summer school. The boy snatches a passing GIRL. SECOND BOY (to Third Boy) Shit. (pause) Huh?. THIRD BOY (to the Second Boy) Who's he talking to? SECOND BOY Ferris Bueller. A couple of his BUDDIES are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news.A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. You know him? THIRD BOY (excited) Yeah. I appreciate you letting us know how you're doing. I hope he doesn't die. BOY Oh. BOY Anyway. We gotta split.

The last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. sluts. they all adore him. Ferris. A florist's truck drives past the house. Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile. As he speaks he does a little 61 60 59 . ROONEY That's exactly why I have to catch him this time. pinheads. SECRETARY He's very popular. Ed. Sportos. you better not throw anybody. His SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder. SECRETARY (impressed) Ooo. ROONEY I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him! SECRETARY With your bad knee. motorheads.Hi. To show these kids that the example he sets is a first class ticket to nowhere. How's your bod? (jaw drops) Oh. You sounded like Dirty Harry just now. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. 60 EXT. 61 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE It's a glorious late spring day. Rooney stares at her for a long beat. ROONEY What's so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is that he gives the good kids bad ideas. geeks. my God! You're dying? Is it serious? (pause) Shiit! Are you upset? 59 INT. dweebies. Ed. FERRIS' ROOM He's on the telephone. wonkers. richies. ROONEY Really? He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint.

CAMERON I'm sick. 62 INT. I feel like shit. He clears his throat and answers the second line. CAMERON'S BEDROOM Cameron's back in bed. It's almost summer. 63 INT. FERRIS H--hell-o? 64 EXT. man. You're boring me with this stuff. OFFICE BUILDING. If this was Hawaii. I'm serious. He sounds like he's on his last breath. A Modigliani nude. FERRIS' ROOM He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness. FERRIS You want to stay home and try to have the shits? Try to barf? Try to feel worse? CAMERON'S VOICE I don't have to try. TOM'S VOICE Ferris? 65 INT. you can find a new best friend.MacPainting on his MacIntosh. making me wait around the house for you. FERRIS Be a man. if you're not over here in fifteen minutes. Why can't you leave me alone? FERRIS' VOICE You're not up for some good times? It's a beautiful day. This is bullshit. The other phone line rings. He puts Cameron on hold. TOM'S OFFICE 65 64 63 62 . FERRIS Cameron. Take some Pepto Bismol and get dressed. DOWNTOWN A LaSalle Street office tower. we'd be surfing. I got another call. FERRIS Squeeze you buns for a second.

He puts his father on hold. INT. Are you alright? FERRIS Just a little phlegm on the phone. Dad. He disconnects and gets his father back. that's just great. So. it's sure great of you to call. It was making me ill looking at it. He's just checking up on me. COMPUTER MONITOR A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making. CAMERON'S VOICE Oh. He switches back to his sick voice. The moment before you called. Bye. FERRIS (OC) I'm so worried about falling behind. Two windows. the least you can do is hurry up and get over here. Hold on. Herman Miller desk and chair. 66 . I had a chest spasm and I blew lung fluid all over the place. listen to me. But gee. Are you busted? FERRIS It's completely cool. 66 CU. Nice office. FERRIS Sorry. TOM You sound miserable. I'm working on getting some heavy bucks out of him. TOM Were you sleeping? FERRIS' VOICE I was trying to do some homework. Now. FERRIS' VOICE Really? Darn! I thought I was improving.He's behind his desk. FERRIS Cameron? It's my Dad. FERRIS' ROOM He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke. FERRIS Dad? Can you hold on a second? TOM'S VOICE Sure. pal.

CU. FERRIS' ROOM He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the desk. It's like those savings bonds you used to give me every Christmas. He lights a cigarette. INT. sick teenager. He nods. yeah? You're pulling my leg. what was I supposed to do? Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer. FERRIS You work so hard I'll bet you don't even remember where those bonds are.I'm sure there're alot of fathers who wouldn't take time out from their busy schedules to call a dumb. 67 EXT. 68 67 . DIAMONDVISION SCREEN Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard. Pedestrians stop to look. FERRIS You had to work hard for the money to buy those things. (looks at CAMERA and smiles) It was that kind of concern. FERRIS Give yourself some credit. COMPUTER SCREEN A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA". CHICAGO LOOP. FERRIS Oh. right? Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father. The screen dumps the drawing. pal. Dad. TOM'S VOICE Wrong. 68 INT. right? TOM'S VOICE Not any harder than anybody else. It was a mammoth gesture. TOM'S VOICE Hey. Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them. FERRIS' ROOM He blows a smoke ring. You're just trying to cheer me up.

Bye now. FERRIS You win some. bucks says he's sitting car debating about whether he should go out. CAMERON FERRIS disappointed in Cameron. Ferris smiles. FERRIS You don't have to. He turns his desk chair around and gets up. I'm so Twenty in his or not 69 INT. No doubt about it. Dad.TOM'S VOICE Like hell I am. if they didn't. He cuts the engine. TOM'S VOICE I want to. CAR. I think I better lie down. You take care. (thinks) Of course. He's gotten exactly what he wants. I'll call you after lunch. FERRIS (to CAMERA. Ferris sighs. CAMERON We're gonna get caught. TOM'S VOICE Okay. 69 . you lose some. they'd be dumb and abnormal and they'd probably never move out of my house and I'd have to support them until I die. pal. He hangs up. CAMERON He's sitting behind the wheel of his car. I hope my kids don't pull this shit on me. He looks at CAMERA. They're in a shoebox in my closet. (to the phone. sick voice) Dad? All this talking has made me kind of light-headed. normal voice) Was that a class move or what? The guy gave it up faster than a drunk Catholic girl. I take it back.

(waves the magazine) Pardon moi. FERRIS (sings) MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER. He leafs through the pages for the pictorials as he speaks. He's the only guy I know who's deeply concerned that when he grows up there'll be a critical shortage of strategic metals. DRESSER DRAWER Hands curl around the drawer pulls.. He exits the room. The hands lift a sweater out. Another beat. 72 INT. He stops the engine. The reason he doesn't fell good is. A HERALDIC STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater. ominously. 71 INT. CLASSROOM. CAMERON He'll keep calling until I come over. He goes into the bathroom. The guy is a shellfish when it comes to making a decision. He sighs and restarts the engine. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC. INT. Ferris'll escape. FERRIS' ROOM He takes out the magazine. HALLWAY Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway. He sits for half a beat. he worries about everything. FERRIS Cameron'll go on like that for a good thirty minutes. 70 CU. LATER 72 71 70 . The drawer is opened slowly. CAMERON Actually. what'll happen is I'll get caught. Another beat.I'm not doing it. SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED.. FERRIS Cameron's also the only guy I know who knows what strategic metals are. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM DOWN.

SLOANE (whispers) Dead grandmother. As she gathers her books she looks to the GIRL next to her. CLASSROOM. SLOANE She. like the others. INT.A stunningly beautiful girl. 73 INT. (sneezes) Pardon me. is sitting at her desk in a history class. TEACHER AND NURSE The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece of disturbing news. SLOANE PETERSON. She looks at the kids. SLOANE A smile curls across her lips. For a moment. watches the nurse curiously. NURSE (nods solemnly) Dead grandmother. She's staring out the window as a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry. NURSE May I see you outside for a moment? There's been an emergency. He nods grimly to the Nurse. 74 73 . dusty lecture. the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard him sneeze. TEACHER Roosevelt's health had seriously deteriorated by the time he met with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta. NURSE Sloane Peterson? SLOANE Sits up in her seat. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear. NURSE She's a picture of compassion and understanding. ROONEY He has a suspicious look on his face. The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. 74 CU. HALLWAY The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand.

ROONEY Dead grandmother? INT. Peterson's daytime number? As the secretary starts out of the room. SECRETARY That's what Mr. MAN'S VOICE Ed? This is George Peterson. ROONEY Ed Rooney. Peterson. He thinks for a beat then reaches for the phone. He punches the phone button. (pause) Yes. ROONEY Could you get me Mr. sir? MAN'S VOICE We've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard. Peterson said. His secretary is standing across from him. His suspicions are confirmed. She stops and answers the desk phone. SECRETARY Edward Rooney's office. She smiles and backs out. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's at his desk. ROONEY Who's this girl's going with? SECRETARY It's so hard to tell. SECRETARY It's Mr. SECRETARY Do you still want his number? Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. Can you hold? Thank you. Rooney smiles. I had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane. ROONEY How are you today. I see her alot with Ferris Bueller. She puts the call on hold. Rooney's phone rings. Rooney is startled. .

Peterson. You produce a corpse and I'll release Sloane. ROONEY (whispers) It's Ferris Bueller. sure. ROONEY I heard. SECRETARY'S OFFICE She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other line. She's waving her arms furiously. Was this your mother? Rooney's other line rings. Her jaw drops. She puts the call on hold and hangs up. She turns to Rooney in horror. I'd be happy to release Sloane. It's so obvious it's not Mr. It's school policy. Huh? Oh. She stomps her foot. I want to see this dead grandmother firsthand. You hear me? The secretary comes in. And. She hurried into Rooney's office. I'm gonna set a trap and let his walk right into it! (to phone) That's right. Rooney tries to wave her away. please. ROONEY I'll tell you want. 76 75 . Rooney covers the phone. He covers the phone. 75 INT. 76 INT. you can just come on down and smooch by big old ugly ass. Nervy litttle punk. SECRETARY Ed Rooney's office. ROONEY What!? SECRETARY Ferris Bueller's on line two. gosh. He's angry. Cart the stiff in and I'll turn over your daughter.Rooney rolls his eyes. you don't like my policies. The secretary stops cold in the doorway. I'm all broken up. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line. SECRETARY Hold.

CU. He's doing a deep. ROONEY He's staring blankly ahead. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb you at work but I was wondering if it would be possible for my sister to bring home any assignments from my classes that I may need. PHONE Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting call. ROONEY'S FACE A mask of horror. fastening his belt. CU. twitches. DEAN'S OFFICE. CAMERON You oughta be sorry for Christ's sake! A family member dies and you insult me. KITCHEN Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. FERRIS Mr. ROONEY'S FOOT It freezes in mid-tap. CU. ROONEY'S HAND The pencils falls from his fingers. 78 INT. ROONEY He blinks. cocks his head. FERRIS' HOUSE. anyway? 79 78 77 . 79 INT. ROONEY He winces as he returns to the first call. sir.CU. The phone's cradled against his shoulder. CU. FERRIS' ROOM He's zipping his pants. He nods. phoney "father" voice. He speaks in the same voice he used on his father. 77 INT. CU. He glances at the phone. FERRIS' VOICE Thank you. PHONE The second line light is flashing. CU. What's the matter with you.

Ferris! What is Rooney guesses my voice! FERRIS Impossible. I can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I am. that I would never deliberately insult you. CAMERON That's better. Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone. CAMERON This isn't over yet. Peterson. 81 . ROONEY Absolutely! I most certainly am. You just make sure my daughter's out in front of the school in ten minutes. You have to know. sir. You're doing great. goddamn it! ROONEY'S VOICE Sir. Mr. 80 81 INT. CAMERON'S VOICE Pardon my French but you're an asshole! Rooney nods enthusiastically. buster. Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the conversation. ROONEY I don't know. He's perspiring. I thought you were someone else. Cameron covers the phone. KITCHEN Cameron lays into Rooney. CAMERON Call me sir. CAMERON (to Ferris) I'm scared shitless. CAMERON (clears his throat) I don't have all day to bark at you so I'll make this short and sweet. ROONEY He apologies profusely to Cameron.80 INT. trembling. DEAN'S OFFICE. Do you read me? ROONEY'S VOICE Load and clear.

moron. He's said the wrong thing. We'll get together soon and have lunch. You be out in front with her! I wanna have a few words with you! Ferris slaps Cameron. By herself. CAMERON What'd I do? FERRIS Out in front my herself? It's too suspicious! He'll think something's up. Ferris smacks Cameron. CAMERON I want my daughter out in front of the school in ten minutes.. I don't have time to talk to you. He clears his throat and puts on his father's voice. He holds the phone out to Ferris. fella. We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS. ROONEY He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK! We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE. CAMERON I changed my mind. FERRIS' KITCHEN Cameron's rubbing the side of his head. CAMERON'S VOICE On second thought. I don's want anyone around.Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up. FERRIS (mouths) Great! Cameron smiles proudly. FERRIS Talk! Cameron takes a deep breath.. Cover it. 82 CU. 83 INT. He covers the phone. THEN CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT. Cameron panics. 83 82 . CAMERON You do it! Ferris waves his arms angrily. The phone flies out of his hand.

Cameron's anger is intensified by his embarrassment. CAMERON You hit me. make me do a phoney phone call on a dean of students. really. a man who could squeeze my nuts into oblivion and then you deliberately hurt my feelings. . CAMERON Oh. you're so stupid! (aside) I didn't hit you. being me over here. sick. You get me out of bed. Look. FERRIS How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's going to be there with her?! CAMERON I said for her to be there alone and you freaked! FERRIS My. FERRIS I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings. CAMERON I was home. make me jeopardize my future. God. I lightly slapped you.CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me? FERRIS Where's your brain? CAMERON I asked you first. don't ask me to participate in your crap if you don't like the way I do it! Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. really? FERRIS Yeah.

Ferris is smiling with excitement and awe. Cameron smiles. Right? CAMERON (suspiciously) Why? FERRIS To fix this situation. 84 . Ferris. I'm sorry. CAMERON AND FERRIS Cameron's face is ashen. dramatically as we hear a heraldic fanfare. FERRIS Cameron. It was uncalled for. CU. He appreciates Ferris apology. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris looking at the car. We move up from the stallion to the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. GARAGE The door opens slowly. Cameron stops. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear. CAMERON You're serious? He turns around. FERRIS Dead serious. CAMERON Thanks. FERRARI STALLION The prancing black stallion. 84 INT. Cameron's jaw drops. Ferris? Have a nice life. He turns and heads out of the room. The end of the world is at hand. FERRIS You did screw up through.Cameron glares at Ferris. I'm going to have to ask you for a small favor. CAMERON Hey. right? Not that is was necessarily all you fault. FERRIS Cameron? CAMERON Stick it up your ass. I didn't mean to jam you. Ferris sighs.

FERRIS A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile. my father loves this car more than life itself. I don't even have a piece of shit. FERRIS It is his fault he didn't lock the garage. FERRIS It's a piece of shit. Ferris. Cameron. CAMERON (grim monotone) 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. He has it tatooed on his wrist. I'm sorry but there's nothing else we can do. FERRIS We can't pick up Sloane in your car. we'll take off. . Ferris. CAMERON He never drives it. Less than a hundred were made. Rooney'd never believe Mr. We can't take is out. it is his passion. It is joy. Look. It has a market value of $265. I have to envy yours. Don't worry about it. it is his love. CAMERON Ferris. My father spent three years restoring it. CAMERON It's not a piece of shit. He puts his arm around Cameron.Ferris is in heaven. FERRIS Whatever miles we put on it.000. FERRIS Alright. FERRIS He doesn't trust you? CAMERON No. CAMERON He knows the mileage. He just rubs it with a diaper. Peterson drives that piece of shit. this is real simple. look.

I have to live with the man.You're not talking me into this one.. FERRIS 87 86 85 . CAMERON What about Rooney? FERRIS Cameron. Jeanie watches her suspiciously.. SCHOOL The Ferrari is parked out in front. the less likely we are to get caught.CAMERON (suspicious) How? FERRIS (big. I'm putting my foot down. FERRARI GRILLE Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar of the twelve cylinders. CU. The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a crowded school hallway. Cameron's in the back. 86 EXT. Cameron shakes his head. FERRARI Ferris is driving.. CAMERON'S VOICE . She stops as Sloane and Rooney walk past. Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her books. 85 INT... CAMERON Forget it. the more obvious we are. CAMERON Are you crazy?! Put the top back up! FERRIS This is perfect top-down weather. no. The top is down. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses. JEANIE She comes out of a classroom. SCHOOL.. Ferris. CAMERON That makes no sense whatsoever. 87 INT. You'll have to think of something else. I'm sorry but. proud smile) We'll drive home backwards.

Thanks. 89 INT. Rooney watches her. Very. See ya. man. SLOANE I guess that's my Dad. He's careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline. Rooney looks. Um. Yeah. SLOANE Huh? ROONEY Were you close to your grandmother? SLOANE Oh. Very old. Cameron squeezes himself lower. JEANIE She's watching out the door. 89 88 . THEIR POV Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. Yeah. Very hip. (look around at Cameron) Stay down. She sees the Ferrari pull away. FERRIS Hurry along now! EXT. She hurries to the car. ROONEY Once again let me say how deeply saddened I am by your loss. SCHOOL. Sloane! Dear! Sloane looks across at the Ferrari. DEEP VOICE Oh. SCHOOL Rooney and Sloane come out the door. SCHOOL Rooney's suspicious. She was a terrific lady. 88 EXT. Something does compute for him. Sloane smiles and bids Rooney a hasty farewell.The adult mind is a suspicious machine. CAMERON Howcome it's my Dad's car and I'm taking all the risk and I have to ride back here? FERRIS I don't have an explanation.

It' s going home. SLOANE What a fabulous car! CAMERON Enjoy it quick. STREET. the question is "what aren't we going to do. 91 92 EXT. SLOANE What're we gonna do? FERRIS The question isn't "what are we gonna do". FERRIS Either would I. FERRARI Sloane shrieks with delight. She leans across the console and gives Ferris a kiss. 90 91 INT. Cameron. FERRIS (to CAMERA) If you had access to a car like this would you take it back right away? Would you give up feeling like a ton just to ease your best friend's tension? He smiles. You comfortable? CAMERON Hi. SLOANE This is so great! I can't believe it! Right in front of Rooney! She laughs and turns to Cameron. FERRARI It accelerates away like a shot. Please. 92 . No. it was bold but it was totally necessary. SLOANE Hi." CAMERON Don't tell me we're not going to take the car home. ROONEY He can't quite put his finger on what's bothering him. FERRIS It was risky.90 EXT. SCHOOL.

In fact. ZZ Top. SUBURBAN BANK A fresh. In doing so she locates a missing ball point pen. I'm married. 93 94 INT. She smiles when she sees Ferris. Cameron blanches. She's been at the bank since they opened. FERRIS Me? (polite laugh) I'm out of school. 94 . (something occurs to her) Say. TELLER Ferris Bueller? FERRIS He's at the window. It's about four inches higher the highest beehive you're ever seen.. ZZ. This is my wife. TELLER I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. Sloane's still intoxicated with her freedom. BANK. She withdraws it from the hair and smiles at it's reappearance. should you be in school? FERRIS He lays his savings bonds on the counter. Ferris smiles. this is Mrs. The clock outside read 9:53. FERRIS (to Cameron) And this is my brother-in-law. Mrs.. so I'm a little pooped but other than that. Froeling. Ferris leads the way to an open teller window. TELLER A WOMAN about seventy with a silver blue beehive. DOORS Ferris. Mrs. INT. Sloane suppresses a laugh. On either shoulder are Cameron and Sloane. BANK. Ferris is cocky and confident. Froeling.Madonna. The Ferrari pulls into the parking lot. modern bank building. Cameron's having stomach trouble. I'm as chipper as can be.93 EXT. How are you? TELLER She pats the rock-solid mass of blue hair. Froeling. Cameron and Sloane walk in. FERRIS Hello. As she moves the beehive hits a small sign over her head.

Cameron isn't amused. TELLER (to Cameron) Is Top a Slavic name? CAMERON Yeah. FERRIS I'd like to cash these in, please. We're having a baby and we need the cash for a crib, clothes, diapers, food pellets, leash, water dish... INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling takes the bonds with a hearty smile. The latter part of the conversation sails over her like a line drive. TELLER A baby! (to Sloane) You must be so excited. Cameron groans and turns away from the sham. SLOANE I'm thrilled, ma'am. I'm especially looking forward to wearing those jeans with the stretch panel in front. Mrs. Froeling thumbs through the bonds. TELLER Are you hoping for a boy or a girl? SLOANE Actually, we're hoping for a car. CU. CAMERON He's spooked by the games playing. He scans the bank nervously. He blinks, focuses, blinks again. HIS POV Joyce is with a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE and their bored, sour-puss teenage son, BOYD. He's sitting in a chair with his legs slung over the sides waving a Bic lighter back and forth across his rump. The parents are Joyce's clients from Vermont. A LOAN OFFICER is discussing the local financing situation with them. His is an open office adjacent to the teller windows. Joyce's back is to the tellers. CU. CAMERON

It's like he's just witnesses an ax murder. CAMERON Shit... INT. BANK. JOYCE Her back is to the teller windows. She's conducting her meeting. Behind her we see Cameron grab Ferris and point her out to him. He waves. Cameron slaps his arm. INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds. TELLER These bonds aren't mature. If you hold onto them another two years you'll get an additional four dollars... FERRIS I'm aware of that. TELLER You're throwing away four dollars. FERRIS No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the government. They need it. Do you know what an aircraft carrier's going for these days? INT. BANK. JOYCE She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out. INT. BANK. DOOR Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce. JOYCE Mrs. Froeling, how are you? MRS. FROELING I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. (shifts gears, to Joyce) Say, you must be very proud. Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about. MRS. FROELING (whispers) I met Madonna. She pats Joyce on the arm.

MRS. FROELING She told me everything. Keep me posted, I'll want to send a gift. She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are completely baffled. 95 EXT. BANK Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking lot. JOYCE My son's home sick today. If you wouldn't mind, on our way back to the office, I'd like to just run in and check up on him. We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car. MOTHER Of course. They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look on proudly. 96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE His secretary is dialing a number for him. SECRETARY This is the Peterson's home. She hands the phone to Rooney. SECRETARY Watch your mouth this time. Rooney glares at her. ROONEY Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's no doubt in my mind. That's what I was saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped. He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this thing now. See? The secretary nods. SECRETARY And her grandmother, too. 97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an 97 96 95

puzzled.awful lot like Sloane. Rooney stares at her like she's crazy. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney hangs up the phone. SLOANE We can't come to the phone right now... The Ferrari streaks past. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney quickly takes down a number. 100 INT. ROONEY Who gives a good goddamn? 101 EXT. Mortuary. goddamn it. If you need to reach us we'll be at the following number. EDENS EXPRESSWAY The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the suburbs. In the distance we see the Sears Tower. CAMERON'S HOUSE His answering machine clicks on. The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk. We've had a death in the family. 98 INT.. CAMERON'S VOICE You have reached the Coughlin Bros. She's not listening to him. the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil Building. We are unable to come to the phone right now but if you'll leave your name and number. We hear Cameron's voice. Rooney looks at her. ROONEY What? SECRETARY My brother-in-law rides the train to work. ROONEY And I'm going to stop it! SECRETARY My brother-in-law'll appreciate it.. ROONEY Something's going on. SECRETARY There's a railroad strike. 101 100 99 98 . 99 EXT.

. KID Heartless wench. She's stopped by a KID with a Coke can. CHICAGO LOOP. wrecked. HALLWAY Jeanie's walking down the hall. KID They run about fifty g's so it you could help out. CAMERON We can't leave the car here! FERRIS Why not? CAMERON Because we can't! I want it back home where it belongs! SLOANE What could happen to it? CAMERON It could get stolen. 103 EXT. GARAGE Ferris. FERRIS 103 . scratched. Sloane and Cameron get out. Jeanie stares at him. KID Hey. Cameron's having fits.. PARKING GARAGE The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage.. babe! Some day you might need a favor from Ferris Bueller! Then where'll you be?! He reaches for the can.. JEANIE Go piss up a flagpole! KID Huh? 102 She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall. She's flabbergasted at the proportions her brother's scan has reached. The kid yells after her. you name it. EXT.102 INT. We're collecting money to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. KID Yo. SCHOOL.

The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the exit ramp of the garage. He smiles. Another attendant jumps in the passenger side. Do you have to be so graphic? She heads down the street. Cameron. I want to you take extra special care of this vehicle. Goatee.I'll give the guy a five to watch it. SLOANE This is so right! Ferris nudges Cameron on. CAMERON What guy? CU. Ferris slips him a give. PARKING ATTENDANT He smiles with relish at the car. FERRIS Great. Ferris turns to Cameron. SLOANE Oh. CAMERON Yeah. Whip it with a stick and piss on the hood. EXT. very carefully. ATTENDANT Like it's a beautiful woman. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a hairnet Gold teeth. okay? He pats the Attendant on the arm. . please. An IQ that equals his hourly wage. No squealing tires. no revving engine. 240. FERRIS You speak English? ATTENDANT Since I was three. FERRIS I appreciate it. Earring. FERRIS See what a finski can do to a person's attitude? He's going to treat it like a beautiful woman. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly. They exit the garage and head after Sloane. It's gone in the entrance and out the exit. 6'6". sure. PARKING LOT The Attendant swaggers over to the car.

We hear soft snoring. DOOR KNOB The wire is tied to the doorknob. HOUSE. 105 INT. It's taut. DOORKNOB Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a crack. FERRIS' ROOM It's dark. 109 INT. 104 EXT. Ferris and Cameron. the trophy lifts up off the yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's original position. HALLWAY Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room. Downstairs. She's smiles with relief and affection. CLOSET The closet door is open. HER POV The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves. 107 INT. As the bedroom door closes. JOYCE She smiles and closes the door. WE HEAR THE SNORING. The snoring it simulated. She listens at the door. FERRIS' SYNTHESIZER Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring. ROOM. with a huge knit hat willed with dreads. 106 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE 104 Joyce's care pulls in the driveway. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet door to the door to the room itself.He's skinny. CU. It heads down the street away from Sloane. CU. She gets out and heads up the house. HOUSE. STAIRWAY Joyce quietly walks up the stairs. The wire from the bedroom door is strung over the top of the closet door. HALLWAY Joyce listens at the door another beat. CU. There's a figure in the bed. INT. tall. A trophy is attached to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick. ROOM. we hear a door open and close. He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of the lot. 108 INT. 109 108 107 106 105 .

FERRIS And look down. Ferris. He leans forward. shit! HER POV The street far. From our vantage point here on the 103 floor. Sloane and Cameron follow suit. Ferris steps back. Wisconsin and my personal favorite.. Indiana.110 EXT. Cameron follows. As it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows.. Sloane leans forward. far below. CAMERON I don't feel good. INT. lean against the glass. 111 INT.. Cameron and Sloane are standing against the window. A dizzying view. SEARS TOWER OBSERVATION DECK Ferris. FERRIS Now. reluctantly. Are we gonna stay long? FERRIS Take a step back.. Michigan. SLOANE Oh. SEARS TOWER. we are provided with a view of four states. CAMERON (VO) Do you think the car's alright? FERRIS (VO) Illinois. LATER 110 HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the world's tallest building. OBSERVATION DECK The three are leaning against the glass. SLOANE 111 . FERRIS (VO) This is the world's tallest building. Like this. putting all his weight on his forehead. SLOANE What if the glass gives? FERRIS Death.

They dance past the giant Calder mobile. 116 INT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE Giant old monolith. STREET LEVEL A middle-aged man. FERRIS AND SLOANE I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS! 115 EXT. Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the gallery watching the proceedings. tough and humorless.Cool. 117 INT. 112 EXT. They're singing. 117 116 115 114 113 112 . 113 INT. He's lean. Cameron follows glumly. clean. He's wearing a puzzled look on his face. Cameron politely waits his turn to exit. BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET BACK IN THE STATES BACK TO THE CUTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA 114 EXT. Cameron's father. STREET Ferris and Sloane burst out the doors garnering the annoyed stares of the business people busily going in and out of the building. CAMERON'S FATHER I think I see my car. TRADING ROOM Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities. SEARS TOWER LOBBY Ferris and Sloane bound down the escalator. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. CAMERON He's looking down. FERRIS AND SLOANE I BEEN ALL 'ROUND THIS GREAT BIG WORLD AND I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF GIRLS YEAH. CAMERON I think I see my Dad. is standing on the street corner. GALLERY Ferris. Ferris and Sloane head down the street. HORACE FRYE. Cameron follows. HIS POV The Ferrari screams down the avenue and disappears down the underground ramp. CU.

FERRIS I'm game. SLOANE No way! . Is he serious. You? SLOANE Yes. That was a lie. Ferris puts his arm around Sloane. FERRIS Would you want to get married? I mean if I wasn't an asshole. FERRIS Would I risk damaging a deep and wonderfully enriching relationship with my parents if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. FERRIS Would I have introduced you as my wife if I didn't love you? SLOANE Wait a minute. FERRIS (serious) Today? Sloane stares at him. SLOANE Sure. FERRIS Would I trash a day of education to be with you if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. FERRIS Yes.SLOANE Do you love me? FERRIS Do you love me? SLOANE I asked you first. FERRIS True.

SLOANE I'm not getting married. FERRIS Huh? CAMERON If your blood's not compatible. My mother and father. Ferris looks around at him. CAMERON I'm with you. CAMERON I'll give you two. FERRIS Why not? SLOANE What do you mean. FERRIS Tomorrow? CAMERON If you get a blood test today. babe. FERRIS So? CAMERON So. CAMERON You need a blood test. Cameron suddenly adds his two cents. Am I right? . if you will. you can't get married today.FERRIS I'll do it. (to Ferris) You've seen them. The state requires a blood test. you could produce a pinhead. give me a good reason why not. CAMERON They're married and they hate each other. why not? Think about it. Ferris and Sloane look at him curiously. FERRIS Besides being too young and your father hating my guts and not having any place to live and feeling awkward about being the only cheerleader with a husband.

He loves the car.. Are yours divorced? CAMERON They may as well be. I don't care how much I want . It's not something I can get comfortable with. He hates his wife. SLOANE Do they like you? It hasn't occured to Cameron that his parents might not like him. We all thought so. That parental love might not be a given. Everything was cool at our house. That's natural. It's like the car. Sure. SLOANE (to Cameron) It was pure selfishness. CAMERON Just because it happens doesn't make it right. I've tried. CAMERON Yeah. SLOANE My parents are divorced. SLOANE Do you think they're staying together because of you? Cameron hasn't seen it that way. SLOANE Consider this. He shrugs. but so what? They're old. So what? It's not like it doesn't happen ten thousand times a day. When I have a kid. Are you comfortable with it? SLOANE No. Then BLAM! It's over. She keeps a pretty good secret. CAMERON It makes me puke. Seeing people treat each other like that.FERRIS You're father's a toad and your Mom's always wired out. FERRIS (to CAMERA) This is all news to me. I thought so. He dropped us like a rock..my father canned me and my brother and my Mom for a twenty five year old dipso with fake tits.

something. thank you. It's out of your hands. it's like a charming quick that infests youth. you call the shots. too. SLOANE What? FERRIS Let's go feed Cameron. crusty old shits wish they had some. CAMERON I'd rather not have my family break apart. FERRIS Frightening choice of words. FERRIS This is optomism. FERRIS (to CAMERA) She's not lying. I should just sit back and watch it crumble? SLOANE You're merely an inhabitant in their universe. CAMERON You could change. Adults think it's cute. They wish they had her. CAMERON So. (points to Sloane) Sorry. I in other words. She's saying it's time for lunch. But it's a cool thing and I think. you know what? It ain't up to you. deep down. CAMERON So. if it's gonna screw-up the kid. SLOANE Yeah. I'm gonna think about it. I'm gonna try to prevent it. When you split from them. you're saying I should run away? FERRIS No. It's a common trait with my age group. SLOANE Well. SLOANE They call the shots. She's taken. . forget it. But I'm gonna try not to.

118 INT.. It's noon.. I'm Abe Frohman. I'm very busy right now. FERRIS BUY! And he exits. RESTAURANT Ferris. RESTAURANT The maitre'd returns. ANNOUNCER Commodity prices rose sharply today in unusually heavy trading. HIS POV His fingers runs down to a party of three for 12:00. Sloane and Cameron are standing in the restaurant. He yells at the top of his voice. We HEAR A RADIO ANNOUNCER. Sloane tugs Ferris' sleeve. Ferris hangs back a moment. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING FLOOR 118 It explodes with activity in response to Ferris' shout.They stand up and head out. He cups his hands to his mouth.. son. 120 119 . MAITRE'D (chuckles) I'm sorry. 119 EXT. MAITRE'D (to Ferris) May I help you? FERRIS Yes. If you have trouble finding the door. The maitre'd looks at Ferris curiously.. INT. RESTAURANT A French restaurant on the Gold Coast. FERRIS Is there a problem? MAITRE'D You're Abe Frohman? FERRIS I'm Abe Frohman. Party of three for 12:00. Ferris is looking at the maitre 'd's reservations book. 120 INT. Cool and casual. He ignores her.

The maitre'd smiles smuggly. The maitre'd backs off. please? SLOANE Cameron's right. CU.. Sloane grits her teeth. LATER Ferris. FERRIS Ask for Abe Frohman. Ferris waves him off angrily.FERRIS Are you suggesting that I'm not who I say I am? MAITRE'D Shall I call the police? CAMERON Let's go. Find it. The maitre'd is hovering over Ferris. MAITRE'D I appreciate your understanding.. FERRIS Not a chance in the world. Sloane and Cameron are seated in the restaurant. CAMERON Ferris. INT. (to the Maitre'd) Call the police. Better yet. RESTAURANT. A beat and the restaurant's second line lights up and the phone rings. PHONE Ferris punches out a number. let's split. Go ahead. He hands the phone to Sloane. RESTAURANT The maitre'd motions for the phone so that he can answer the call.I'll call myself. INT.Abe. FERRIS You touch me and I yell "rat!" There's another phone around here. FERRIS I'm not going anywhere.. Cameron chokes. (grabs the phone) . We're gonna get busted... ..

SCHOOL We HEAR HALLWAY SOUNDS AND JEANIE.FERRIS Don't grovel. 121 EXT. JEANIE (mean. Cameron is flushed with nerves. vicious) I'm gonna bust his buns. (wicked pause) Well. The straps rip off in her hand. 122 121 . GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM Jeanie's sitting on a bench in a field hockey uniform. today I'm the hammer. FERRIS Darling. MAITRE'D Enjoy your luncheon. FERRIS Cameron. She's talking to a FRIEND. He manipulates my parents. Just leave us to our repast and all will be forgotten. JEANIE (VO) Ferris Bueller's days are numbered. Charles. you were wonderful. She yanks angrily on the velcro strap on her sneakers. he does whatever he wants. FERRIS And you thought we wouldn't have any fun. Ferris disappears behind his menu. dear friend? Cameron looks to Ferris. Sloane is impressed. but I had a wonderful teacher. FERRIS Thank you. FRIEND Why? What's the point? JEANIE Why? Because I'm sick of the little dope. Ferris smiles. whenever he wants and he never gets nailed. SLOANE Oh. The maitre'd backs away. 122 INT. babe. Shame on you.

I'm considerate. Who else? FRIEND I don't know. JEANIE Excuse me? FRIEND I don't think you're an asshole. I'm friendly and fair to all kinds of people. JEANIE Let me tell you something. Just forget it. I study hard.FRIEND I think he's cute. does everything but verbally confirm. Ferris is not cute. He's not charming. JEANIE Sweetie. JEANIE Rachel? Jeanie's friend shrugs. wags her head. I get pissed off and this is what happens! Jeanie tosses the straps on the floor. decent person should be and you know what? FRIEND Everybody thinks you're an asshole. JEANIE Rachel's a dirt bag. it's an established fact that you have no taste. you sympathize with him. JEANIE Who does? Her friend smiles sheepishly. I work hard. JEANIE See? My brother strokes you. Except morons. He's an ignorant mule and the sooner everybody in this school comes to that realization the better off we'll all be. JEANIE Forget that everybody thinks I'm an . He's not a wonderful person. He's not nice. I try to be everything a good. Jeanie freezes with her next sentence pinned to her tongue. She displays the velcro straps to her friend. I'm polite.

GODDAMN IT! . JEANIE Am I acting like an asshole? FRIEND I didn't mean it that way. hey. JEANIE Me? I have a problem? FRIEND Somebody who threatens to sock people's tits has a problem. JEANIE Oh. FRIEND You really do have a problem. FRIEND Take a walk. Jeanie. Mr. I have my period! MY BODY'S RIDDING ITSELF OF OLD EGGS. Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief. likes me. A fat fifty year old clod with B. JEANIE I this a conspiracy to shit all over me or something? Is my brother behind this? Tell me if he is or I'll sock your tits. JEANIE Alright.. How about if I sock your face? Jeanie's friend gets up. Jeanie. Rooney likes you..asshole? Would you like everybody to think you're an asshole? FRIEND Not everybody thinks you're an asshole.O. Her friend exits. That's exciting. JEANIE (yells after her) If it means anything to you. JEANIE Would everybody be happier if maybe I were to die in a flaming car accident or something? FRIEND Maybe if you didn't cat like and asshole.

CHEZ PAUL Ferris is standing at the urinal. FERRIS When they go after each other. Is there anything worse than being at somebody's house when their parents are fighting? It's the absolute height of social discomfort. the family's pretty cool. FERRIS Cameron's home life is really shit. He zips this trousers and steps away from the urinal. What he said about his parents hating each other? I refuse to sleep over at his house. It teaches him to deal with his fear. He looks down at the urinal. JEANIE He's gone. Another beat and Tom walks out of the stall. His parents fight all the time. I don't know where she gets this shit. He's over. The thing with taking his old man's car? It's good for him. A toilet flushes. It used to worry me. He crosses to 123 . We hold a beat. Then I met Cameron and I saw how his family functioned. FERRIS She's a person who views life as an ordeal that must be endured. Basically. and I must be honest here.She snarls and slumps against the lockers. He's monkey meat. Even when I'm there. He checks his hair in the mirror. you couldn't pry his buns apart with a crowbar. He exists the men's room. (continues) I used to think that my family was the only one that had weirdness in it. It's scary. He gets so wadded-up. Her body is a transport vehicle for her anger. 123 INT. FERRIS I wonder if everybody shoots at cigarette butts in urinals? Probably not many women. MEN'S ROOM. That's why he's sick all the time. It really upsets him. Cameron tightens up. He wasn't lying. I love driving it. Plus. I highly recommend picking one up.

Ferris slides over to the table and drops into his seat. CAMERON What is this shit? FERRIS You got me. CAMERON Really? FERRIS Superb. FERRIS Splendid. They're staring at the plates. CAMERON I knew it was a mistake letting Ferris order for us. 124 . Ferris stops him. But it looks like it's already been eaten and digested. They chew tentatively. He puts his napkin in his lap and smells his plate. A WAITER passes. FERRIS Yo. Clouseau! The waiter stops and looks at Ferris indignantly. Cameron and Sloane try theirs. FERRIS What are you doing? Cameron looks at Ferris. RESTAURANT Cameron and Sloane have been served their lunches. FERRIS I think it's a land-based beefoid creature. I don't speak French. He savors the taste. CAMERON What is it? SLOANE I don't know. He takes a bite.the sink. It's not bad. 124 INT. FERRIS Good? Sloane and Cameron shrug.

WAITER Sweetbreads. CU. They're holding their sweetbreads in their mouths. FERRIS He continues his questioning.That secretes a thick. FERRIS Check. RESTAURANT Tom and his two GUESTS are standing at the curb. CU. please! 125 EXT. And what might that be? WAITER Pancreas. holds it a beat and gives a cue. huh. WAITER He turns away as Sloane and Cameron spit out their food. FERRIS . SLOANE AND CAMERON They look at each other. CU. Could you tell me what we ordered here? The waiter glances at the plates. He looks to Cameron and Sloane.FERRIS I have a growth on my brain that causes memory lapses. CU. knowing that he's spoiling the kids' meal. He raises a finger. WAITER He nods broadly. FERRIS As in the gland that has important functions in digestion and metabolism? CU. talking. FERRIS Uh. FERRIS He pats his mouth with his napkin. FERRIS He watches Sloane and Cameron then glances at the waiter.. CU. A 125 .. SLOANE AND CAMERON They stop chewing. colorless fluid containing digestive enzymes? The home of the world famous isles of Langerhans? CU.

FLOOR A class of kids walking along holding hands. In the B. The Ferris hops the cab. Cameron dashes in. CAMERON We're gonna get nabbed. EXT. He turns to the cab. MUSEUM. DISPLAY CASE Baby chicks are hatching in a huge. Sloane and Cameron turn slowly. CU. 127 126 . 126 EXT. The bold survive.000 restaurants in the downtown area and I pick the one my father goes to. INT. INT.G. FERRIS. CAB Tom and his party are still jawing at curbside. STREET. MUSEUM. MUSEUM OR SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY The grand old Chicago museum. Sloane and Cameron. Let's go. RESTAURANT Tom and his guests watch in bewilderment at their cab takes off. CAMERON They turns on cue at Tom. Sloane and Cameron slowly approach the cab. turns toward the restaurant. Ferris. Behind the backs of the men.G.cab is waiting. for sure. Cameron. round incubator. Ferris. The door's open. FERRIS 40. MUSIC COMES UP. now in the B. Among the second graders are Ferris. CAB Ferris slams the door. INT. Sloane and Cameron come out of the restaurant. Tom's back it to Ferris. They approach the cab. Only the meek get nabbed. Ferris stops cold. EXT. FERRIS No way. OVERHEAD SHOT The main gallery is crowded with school kids. 127 INT. MUSEUM. Ferris scoots Sloane into the cab. CAB DOOR HANDLE A man's hand reaches for the handle as the cab pulls away. SLOANE. Sloane. holding hands looking like giant grade schoolers..

SLOANE (remorsefully) I wonder if he has a name? FERRIS (blank) Ninth Month. GERMAN U-BOAT Ferris is examining the controls of the captured U-Boat. The MUSIC ENDS. CU. FERRIS. looking down the fetid. HEART REPLICA A giant. HUMAN FETUS IN A BOTTLE The famous stages of life display which features bottled fetuses. CAMERON (VO) Are you guys worried about nuclear war? FERRIS (VO) Cameron. we're traveling down one of American's most scenic polluted waterways and you have to bring up nuclear war? SLOANE (VO) 128 . 128 EXT. A boat is rolling up the man-made canyon. COAL MINE Sloane. A tiny human being in a jar. INT. CU. feigning a massive heart attack. it's a beautiful day.Ferris and Cameron are intently watching the process. He checks to see if he's being watched then he presses a button and pulls a lever. PROPELLER For the first time in forty years. MUSEUM. walk-thru replica of a human heart. SLOANE. Cameron's stomach is in his throat. The ninth month. Ferris staggers out of it. Ferris and Sloane are making out. INT. green swath of water. MUSEUM. CAMERON Sloane wants to cry. we've won our freedom. clutching his heart. MUSEUM. CU. the screw turns. INDUSTRIAL DISPLAY Sloane operates a metal press to produce a tin ashtray. INT. Ferris and Cameron ride in the coal train in the coal mine replica. HIGH SHOT From the Merchandise Mart. Ferris is lost in thought. LONG. CHICAGO RIVER. INT.

BOAT DOCK The three are sitting on the aft deck of the tour boat. SLOANE (VO) Yeah. CAMERON (VO) (dramatic. They used to have the oil crisis stuff and Iran. SLOANE (VO) Don't you think it's an issue because people need something to worry about? They have to like..It is kind of raggy subject. that college starts in the fall. Their feet are up on the railing. All the old hippies are full of shit. We do know. The boat makes the turn in the river and CLEARS FRAME.No. FERRIS He's full of shit. That's over and people have to have their big issue. I'm not worried about it at all. deadly serious) Do you know what a nuclear winter is? Long beat. however. Very casual. It's with us every day. have some major problem that puts all their little bullshit into some kind of persepective? CAMERON (VO) Maybe. The possiblity of global destruction. very relaxed. EXT. Discussing the end of the world. SLOANE (VO) To answer your question. . FERRIS They used to have Viet Nam. you know. it's real cold and the skiing's for shit. CAMERON (VO) Regardless. Cam. SLOANE My step-father's always going off about how when he was young he was committed to all these causes. It's not like somebody came up with the nuclear holocaust yesterday at noon. FERRIS (VO) We don't know when the bombs going off. Everybody's dead..

The three look to the left. A loud speaker on the boat identifies a point of interest. FERRIS An hour ago you wanted to yack. CAMERON The Sears Tower. SLOANE Agreed. CAMERON It's human nature to like what you had better than what you have. fatty meats and money.. . It's chilling to see people crazed with the minutia of their past. CAMERON You know. They took over when they were young and they never gave it up. An obtuse thought flashes through Sloane's brain. FERRIS One of the most frightening experiences of my young life has been observing my parents and our neighbors playing the Baby Boom Edition of Trivial Pursuits. LOUDSPEAKER. CAMERON I feel better now.SLOANE He says I don't care about things like he did. FERRIS. this is all very interesting but I'm starving. FERRIS I rest my case. LOUDSPEAKER TO YOUR LEFT IT THE WORLD'S TALLEST BUILDING.. SLOANE. FERRIS Lean over and grab a fish. FERRIS What's he care about now? SLOANE Baldness. Cameron looks over the side of the boat. CAMERON What's spooky is they still control everything.

.. She slips into the Dean's outer office. Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his bile-green LeBaron. JEANIE It's reprehensible to squeal on your own flesh and blood. Who's bothering you now? Jeanie scowls at her. In his mind he is Dirty Harry. Screw him. Can I help you? JEANIE (condescending) I seriously doubt it. His cavalier attitude will get him into trouble later in life.. CU. STREET. JEANIE Is Dean Rooney in? SECRETARY I'm sorry. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE Jeanie is having a small moral debate with herself. The secretary looks up and greets her with a weary smile. FIRE HYDRANT . Rooney peels off his shades and looks around like he's Dirty Harry.. 129 EXT. CU. 132 EXT. CURB 132 131 130 129 A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops..SLOANE What comes after a nuclear winter? FERRIS Nuclear spring. SECRETARY Hello. he's out. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement. He left the grounds on personal business. 130 INT. Jeanie.and it'll continue to piss me off and I'll get so wadded-up that it'll cause cervex cancer and he'll ruin my life. When's he back? SECRETARY I don't know.but it's for his own good. Jeanie walks in. SCHOOL Meanwhile. Slide across to the sidewalk. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE Rooney's secretary is behind her desk. 131 INT..

STREET Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy hot dog joint. He can't think of anything to say. GIRL Holding the straw in the mouth. suburban businessmen. she draws it out of the cup. HOT DOG STAND It's jammed with construction workers. 133 INT. CU. The player turns around. ROONEY He suspects it's Ferris. CU. ROONEY The blood evacuates his face. CU. She raises it. HIS POV A young person is playing a video game in a far corner. ROONEY He squints CU. EXT. She puts the straw to her lips and sucks. CU. GIRL She stares at him. pointing it directly in Rooney's face. She picks up her Coke. It look sort of like Ferris. ROONEY He's still staring. It's a GIRL. GIRL 133 . He stares at the girl. Rooney pushes his way in and scopes the crowd. CU. ROONEY (OC) I've been waiting a long time for this. It's loud and confusing. He smiles and cuts into the crowd. CU. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD MOVE IN on the player. The player looks up. secretaries. He ties his lace and pulls up his sock. CU.Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. ROONEY (OC) Your ass is mine.

Rooney wipes his suit off. Ferris leans back. He does a little celebration dance. 134 EXT. The TV camera zooms in on the boy triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. Cameron's scarfing nachos. She looks at them with disgust. WRIGLEY FIELD. ROONEY Who's winning? HOT DOG MAN Cubs. 134 . Rooney wads up the napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. It's Ferris. HOT DOG STAND.She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face. SERVICE COUNTER Rooney wipes his face. SLOANE Can we leave now? FERRIS You want to leave? We just got here. Rooney nods and exits. CU. puts his hands behind his head and turns his face to the bright sun. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. SLOANE You got a call. FERRIS I think I broke my thumb. you broke your thumb. SLOANE No wonder you're always sick. A kid makes a stab at the ball. He shakes his stinging paw. Rooney glances at the screen. The TV camera returns to the game. ROONEY What's the score? HOT DOG MAN Zero to zero. NAPKIN HOLDER A hand yanks a napkin hold. what's left to do? Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. There's a long foul ball. STANDS Ferris sits down with the baseball. The TV camera follows the ball into the stands. INT. Behind him is the kitchen and a grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game.

. He's leading the girls in singing.. A blue Fiat pulls into the shot.FERRIS Do you realize that if I played by the rules. Marching bands. CAMERON Stop.. JEANIE I can't believe my brother's making me put myself in a position where I could get expelled.want. They wave to him. EXT.. As worried as he is about the day and getting caught. soldiers.. he has to admire Ferris for his lack of inhabitions. Cameron mumbles a few words. drum and bugle corps. FIAT Jeanie's at the wheel. buddy. STATE STREET. SLOANE I love him. (pause) Ferris? You're overshadowed me long enough. EXT. I'm gonna get you. 136 INT. Figure skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines on pavement.. SLOANE Do you believe in reincarnation? CAMERON Huh? . school kids.water. STATE STREET. Floats and politicians. It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY. He's waving to the crowd. He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens. Cameron breaks a smile. HIGH SCHOOL. She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot. CAMERON It's hard not to. FLOAT Riding atop on a float is Ferris. "DANKE SHOEN". She sneaks a glance at the school. 137 EXT. right now I'd be in gym? 135 EXT. Selfish little moron. PLAYING FIELD A boy's gym class is doing laps. SLOANE AND CAMERON They're watching Ferris go by. STATE STREET 137 136 135 A parade is underway.

Sloane laughs at herself. CAMERON What were you in a previous life? SLOANE I'm not sure but I think I know who Ferris was.SLOANE Do you believe that you lived before? CAMERON Yeah. Sloane looks at him with amazement. Sort of. shaking hands with people in the crowd. STATE STREET. SLOANE I think if he was anybody. The guy who rode the elephants into Switzerland. FLOAT Ferris is on his knees. STATE STREET Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation. SLOANE I could see him ignoring popular belief and taking off on some impossible mission. SLOANE From the A-Team? CAMERON No. CAMERON Hannibal. They step out of the crowd and head down the street in the direction the parade's heading. EXT. CAMERON I was a tractor tire. SLOANE DO you ever wonder what you were? CAMERON I don't have to wonder. he was Magellan. reaching down from the float. You know. Cameron nods. I know. the guy who went around the world. . dude! EXT. FERRIS Guten tag.

BABY. FLOAT Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian. School. Ferris can do anything. the future. As long as I've known him. NOW! GIRLS SHAKE IT UP. COME ON. No options is worse. everything works for him. STREET. CAMERON Yeah. but it's an option. I can't handle anything. CAMERON That's a pretty grim thought. but to do what? . SLOANE AND CAMERON They continue their conversation. FERRIS WELL. The girls on the float are singing. SHAKE IT UP. COME ON. SLOANE A girl can always bail out and have a baby and get some guy to support her. SLOANE The future's worse for a boy. There's nothing he can't handle.CAMERON Yeah. parents. isn't it? Cameron doesn't understand what she means. SLOANE College. BABY FERRIS TWIST AND SHOUT! GIRLS TWIST AND SHOUT! FERRIS COME ON. SLOANE True. EXT. STATE STREET. BABY ON! COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT! GIRLS WORK IT ON OUT! EXT. CAMERON I don't know what I'm gonna do.

STREET. STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along. STATE STREET. STREET. CHOIR GROUP . The sons is taking over all the other tunes in the band. BLACK TEENAGER He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat. We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT" GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER He's singing.SLOANE What are you interested in? CAMERON Nothing. TEENAGER COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT. EXT. STREET. WOMAN YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE! TODDLERS LOOK SO FINE! EXT. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER He singing along. POLICE OFFICER YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD! EXT. MARCHING BAND They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT. STREET. PUNKS LOOK SO GOOD! EXT. PUNKS A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk. STREET. SLOANE Me either. NEWSPAPER SELLER TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT. They walk on for a few beats. CAMERON What do you think Ferris is gonna do? EXT. It's infecting the entire parade.

STREET. FLOAT Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale. PARADE AHHHHH! The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE. WIDE AND HIGH The entire parade is at frenzy pitch. STREET CLEANERS With their brooms ready. STREET. CLERGYMEN AH! EXT.. VIEWING STAND The CLERGYMEN stand. POLITICIANS AND WIVES AH! EXT. SLO-MO. CALUMET CITY The Port of Chicago. The Starship Ferrari. They're singing in their angleic voices. Suddenly. FERRIS AH! EXT. STREET.. CHOIR AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up. Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. Like the opening shot in Star Wars. STREET. DECK The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT". EXT. STREET CLEANERS KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! EXT.They're marching down the parade. 138 . VETERANS Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms. 138 EXT. VETERANS AH! EXT. gritty waterfront. STREET. STREET. Grim.

HOUSE. I could take a nasty spill down the 142 141 140 139 . Maniac at the wheel. SLO-MO. EXT. ROONEY This is Ed Rooney. CU. We see him peek in a window at the top of the door. 142 EXT. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition. EXT. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney behind the wheel of his car. SLO-MO. 141 INT. The doorbell rings. FERRIS' HOUSE Rooney gets out of his car. STREETS. The car's shadow passes over them. following the car as it flies over them. 140 INT. CAR GRILLE It fills the frame and stops. FRONT PORCH The house intercom activates. FERRIS' ROOM. HOUSE. FOYER Rooney's at the front door. CU. HOUSE. SLO-MO. He looks at the house. CASSETTE PLAYER It clicks on. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE. COMPUTER It acknowledges the doorbell. CU. excited smiles. Mouth open. RASTAMAN His eyes are closed. FERRIS Who is it? Rooney presses the intercom. SLO-MO. PARKING ATTENDANT His eyes are wide with exhilaration.CU. 139 CU. looks up and down the street. Ferris. Broad. I'd like to have a word with you. Big smile. tongue out. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. KIDS They're looking up in the air. then crosses to Ferris' house.

The pre-recorded litany starts over. There's no response. Rooney leans back from the door. FERRIS' VOICE You can reach my parents at their places of business. 144 INT. Thank you for stopping by. It will be remembered long after this illness has past. ROONEY B. 143 INT. LIVING ROOM Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows. His voice clicks off. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day. KITCHEN Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window. FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside. I appreciate your concern for my well-being.. Ferris.stairs and subject myself to further school absenses. Rooney presses the intercom again. But's it's highly suspicious.. ROONEY I'm not leaving until you come down and talk to me. ROONEY Don't get smart with me Ferris! FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. Rooney rings the doorbell again. ROONEY I'm not leaving. HOUSE. He can't quite figure out what's going on. 144 143 . There's a pause. Come down here. FERRIS' VOICE You may reach my parents at their places of business.S. Rooney presses the intercom. Rooney presses the intercom again. HOUSE. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition.

146 CU. FERRIS She's probably schizophrenic.. one goes the other. BACKDOOR A black rubber doggie door. LARGE BREASTS Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers. CU. CU. He lifts the doggie door and peeks in the house. for Christ's sake. 145 EXT.. Cameron's mouth is open in amazement. I'm talking about 146 145 . Through the kitchen. ROONEY He's peaking through the door. nearly deserted strip joint.FERRIS' VOICE I appreciate your conern for my well-being. FERRIS Have a nice day. EXT. CAMERON. this is nauseating me. I'm losing respect for you by the bucket. Really. FERRIS AND SLOANE They're sitting in a booth in the garish. SLOANE Ferris. DOGGIE DOOR A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of gnashing teeth and foam. Sloane is embarrassed and revolted. HOUSE. CAMERON How does she do that? One goes one way. He hears the dog. His face freezes. FERRIS You don't think it's amazing that we got in? SLOANE Who wants to get in? FERRIS Cameron looks like a toddler. HIS POV Along the kitchen floor. into the dining room. HOUSE. We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL. The type that allows a dog to come and go as it pleases. It will be remembered long after. Rooney is crouched down.

. And we feel it. He climbs up on the little runway. A boyfriend. He strolls slowly through the empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of blue light. You read your lines so cleverly and never missed a cue. I've never known. You may think because I'm the age I am that I'm a sex maniac. (to CAMERA) This kind of thing makes me a little depressed. Maybe she lost somebody. That sex is all I think about. But consider why she does it. curls his lip and affects an Elvis impression. A parent. I feel it. We think about love and matters of the heart. Ferris stands up from the booth. FERRIS Point well taken. The stripper disappears in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight. But that's not true. It's a terrible thing. FERRIS You know. But I'd rather go on hearing your lies than to go on living without you. do-wop track FADES UP. Act one was when we met. Now. FERRIS Honey. FERRIS Maybe her life fell apart. He flips his collar up. I loved you at first glance. someone said the world's a stage and each must play a part. A child. the stage is bare and I'm standing there with emptiness all around and if you won't .a major achievement in false identification. Then came act two. I think alot of people my age are. A lover. Why she does it and you don't. You seemed to change. we worry about lonliness.. And SAT scores and acne aside. Fate had me playing in love. You acted strange. I'm a romantic. And why. you lies when you said you loved me and I had no cause to doubt you. SLOANE I'm not a tramp. The club lights go down. A sappy. with you as my sweetheart. SLOANE I'm not interested in watching someone jiggle their mammary glands. Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness.

come back to me. It leans into the open car and see if the contents will confirm looks up slowly.SAVE FERRIS BUELLER. ELVIS IS YOUR HEART FILLED WITH PAIN? SHALL I COME BACK AGAIN? TELL ME DEAR. then they can bring the curtain down. CAMERON'S CAR Cameron's father is looking looks terribly familiar. FERRIS' TOWN. no. They're holding bags of fried chicken. . She's shaking her head slowly. TAXI CAB 150 149 148 147 at the car. 149 EXT. ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? Ferris drops his head. 147 EXT. JEANIE Jeanie's standing at her car. The orignal recording. He's studying it. HER POV Spray-painted on the town water tower in gigantic black letters -. She's staring incredulously into the distance.. CU. JEANIE She's furious. Her mouth's open. Ferris lip synchs with the big. He reaches for the glovebox to if it's his. Elvis fades up. CAMERON'S FATHER He shakes his head.. 148 EXT.. ATTENDANT You looking for something in my car? CU. 150 INT. Like the King would. JEANIE I'm gonna microwave his nuts.. CAMERON'S FATHER No. MICHIGAN AVENUE Afternoon traffic. He HIS POV The Attendant and the Rastaman are glowering at him. He freezes. dramatic florish that was the King's trademark ballad sign-off. DOWNTOWN STREET.

Ferris is on one window. a submarine. Cameron.Ferris. I know you don't care. Ferris is talking to the DRIVER. Sloane's in the middle. a giant heart. He puts his arm around Sloane. FERRIS So. I have to get the car home.. FERRIS You think I don't care? CAMERON I know you don't care. CAMERON It's getting late. Sloane and Cameron in the backseat of a checker. He leans forward and reads the driver's name off the city license. Yuri. FERRIS What's your overall impression? DRIVER It's very good here. Ferris sits back. what'd you see today? Cameron looks at him. SLOANE Jump back. seventy five dollars . but it means my ass. FERRIS You saw four states. FERRIS That hurts. FERRIS Clearly you've never been to an American high school. FERRIS Cameron. FERRIS Better than Russia? DRIVER Much better here than in Russia. how long have you been in America? DRIVER One year. Cameron on the other.. Ferris. Ferris. Cameron's been a good sport. FERRIS So.

He pauses. major league baseball and. Cameron and Ferris are on the floor. Fakes a yawn. He turns and looks right into CAMERA. Looks up. FERRIS (to Sloane) What's he doing? SLOANE (revolted) He's looking at me and he's licking the glass and making obscene gestures with his hands. INT. with their backs to the back of the front seat. looking bored. She makes a . feet up on the seat. In that cab is Tom. He's about a foot from Ferris.worth of cooked pancreas. HER POV Tom stares at her. CAB. their cab is squeezed tight alongside another cab. He looks away. TOM'S POV Sloane is sitting where Ferris was. He's frozen.. FERRIS What?! Sloane bursts out laughing. two of the most incredible breasts ever to come out of modern plastics. He freezes. He turns. She turns and glances out the window. TOM'S POV Ferris' frozen face. FLOOR. Ferris realizes he's looking at something out the window. (quizical look) Are you gonna chuck your nachos? Cameron's staring past Ferris. Turns back to CAMERA. SLOANE Roast! She licks her finger and touches Ferris knee. He's baffled.. She's wearing sunglasses. On their asses. HIS POV In the gridlock traffic. FERRIS' POV Tom glances back at his paper. Thinks.

. Cameron follows. She collapes on the seat in hysterics. A DELIVERY MAN gets out iwth a huge floral arrangement. HOUSE. PORCH Rooney's sitting on the porch patting a bloody knee with his handkerchief. His suit pants are torn from the crotch to the knee. 153 EXT. BACKYARD. He has Sloane by the hand. ROONEY That's a $28. mumbling again. 154 153 152 151 . CAMERON Money. Cameron's a few steps behind. FRONT A florist truck pulls up in front of the house. His suit coat pocket is torn off.. TOM'S CAB Tom's looking into Ferris' cab. TOM He can't quite figure out what's going on.. ROONEY He's standing outside the fence.please. He's missing a shoe. CITY STREET Ferris is leading the way down Michigan Avenue. INT. Tearing it apart. 151 EXT.. EXT.. 154 EXT. He greets Rooney cheerily. He keeps bumping into people. you worthless mutt! HIS POV The Rottweiler leaps at CAMERA. FERRIS' HOUSE. The delivery man hops up on the steps. We see on the back of the paper a small story with the headline: COMMUNITY RALLIES AROUND SICK YOUTH. He heads up to the house. Ferris and Sloane make the turn at Wacker Driver and disappear into the Stone Container Building. 152 EXT. Rooney looks up at him. She's jogging to keep up..00 dress shoe. DOG The Rottweiler's chewing on a shoe.sizzling sound. HOUSE. BACKYARD. He's looking in at the dog. His hair's messed and there're grass-stains on his knees and elbows. He turns and slowly raises his newspaper over his face.tits. He's hustling through the crowd. CU. HIS POV Sloane's bouncing up and down.

DELIVERY MAN Little bugger's dying. ROONEY What? FERRIS' VOICE . DELIVERY MAN .DELIVERY MAN Howdy! He presses the doorbell.. He's very popular. DELIVERY MAN What's your problem? ROONEY He's one of my students. asshole. I'm very ill and I'm afraid. DELIVERY MAN As I heard it from our mailman he was supposedly born with only half a kidney. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry but I can't come to the door right now.. (pause) You can reach my parents at their places of business. But my boss had to send to Milwaukee to get more orchids. ROONEY It's a recording. FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? The Deliver Man presses the intercom. A beat and we hear Ferris' recording. Thank you for stopping by. Rooney is flabbergasted. DELIVERY MAN Focus on Flowers. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day. DELIVERY MAN Nobody's home here? ROONEY No... DELIVERY MAN (to the intercom) Thank you. I could take a nasty spill and subject myself to further school absenses. It will be remembered long after this illness has passed... I have a delivery. (continues) I don't know the details.that in my weakened condition. I appreciate your concern for my wellbeing.

Christ. He opens the attached card. is sitting behind his microphone.. ROONEY (defeated) Oh. Rooney looks incredulously at the arrangement. RADIO STATION STUDIO The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D. I guess there's hope for the human race afterall. I don't know who that was or what they were playing but I apologize for it nonetheless.. Then he looks at the Delivery Man.J. 156 INT. (pause) I have a guest with me today. DELIVERY MAN Gotta run. CARD It's signed: ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY THE ENGLISH DEPT.You gonna be around for awhile? ROONEY I imagine so.J.. D. DELIVERY MAN You wanna keep an eye on these? Rooney looks at the flowers. CU. His name is Ferris Mueller. 157 EXT. STUDIO. FERRIS' HOUSE Jeanie's car pull in the driveway. FERRIS He put his headphones on. FACULTY AND STAFF 155 INT. He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck. He hands the arrangement to Rooney..J. D. FERRIS 157 156 155 . DELIVERY MAN (happy sigh) It really touches me that so many people are rallying behind this guy. We hear her car radio.

JEANIE She goes into shock. But I've never had the chance to sit behind a microphone and try it out for real. her head cocks. it challenges the imagination. CAR. it's always been a dream of mine to be on the radio.I'm the first Chicago area youth 159 158 . FERRIS' VOICE . CU. INT. Anyway.. I think radio's a facinating medium. D. radio. FERRIS I'm going to tell a massive lie here. Unlike television which provides the images. Her eyes blink. you and your listeners are probably not going to believe this but. 159 INT. Ferris Bueller. Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio... Ferris turns to CAMERA. (pause) You know this.. I used to play records and do introductions to them. speaks into the mike.Bueller.J. FERRIS It's cool.000 watt outlet.J. I'm in a very pleasant groove right now. This is a 50. 158 INT. I'm going out to several million people so let me just say.. D. It's going to by very thick and very steamy. I have what I consider to be an excellent broadcast voice. (clears his voice. He has an incredible story. CAR ANTENNA The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in the air. SCHOOL A group of kids are sitting around a blaster. STUDIO Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone. affects a "radio" voice) Well. I practise it in the bathroom all the time. Steve.. Sorry about that.

FERRIS I was going to say I knew Springsteen's home phone number and I was going to give out the number of the New Jersey State Police but I thought I might get busted. that I got in the driver's ed. car and spaced completely. D. Anyway. I took it again and passed. They're cheering him on. Heller's home number but is cost too much. BACKYARD. I was so pissed off at her reaction to the whole thing that I considered running an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna use Mrs. STUDIO Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA. because I'm not allowed to smoke at home.J. lit up a 'boro and Mrs. 160 INT. which was not in any way. But I had to work at Burger King to get the cash to pay for the driver's ed. I'm so used to getting in a car and lighting up. Heller looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny out of my nose or something and I realized what the hell I was doing and I went to put it out and hit the mail box. SCHOOL. ROONEY . After I got flunked in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail box. car. BACKYARD 162 161 160 The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn. But I can't prove it? I'm in high school. HALLWAY A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster. FERRIS It's kind of a long story but I've been doing alot of programming for NASA.to be selected to participate in a space shuttle mission. shape or from my fault. The flower arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog. 162 EXT. How did you get picked for this. remember? He turns back to the DJ. The car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and I think Rooney pocketed the cash. It was weird. like I was told. 161 INT. The broken pieces are all around the dog's head. FERRIS' HOUSE. EXT. FERRIS HOUSE. I was putting out a cigarette. pulled out of the lot.

She stomps in and turns off the snoring synthesizer. The yardstick flings the covers and the pillows beneath them in the air. 164 EXT. His head snaps around. ROONEY His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge. He hears something in the house. He looks around the foyer and heads into the kitchen. 163 INT.He's smiling with great satisfaction. He slinks up on the porch. HOUSE. The front door's open. HIS POV A glimpse of a fleeting figure. A smile spreads across her face. She's startled by a noise downstairs. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs. Do you know where she is? Do you know when she'll be back? Do you know anything? She slams the phone down. She dials a number.. HOUSE. 165 INT. FOYER Rooney sneaks into the house. 166 INT. 167 INT. Bueller there? Where is she? This is her daughter. HOUSE. JEANIE I knew it! She grabs the phone and sits down. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie kicks the door open. He drops down and peek in the windows. He peeks in. pooch. JEANIE The worm has luck like clams have body odor. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. 167 166 165 164 163 . CU. HOUSE. ROONEY Sleep tight. JEANIE Is Mrs. FRONT Rooney sneaks around the side of the house.. He's back and she's going to nail him.

FOYER Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen. JOYCE If you're willing to commit a little time and a little money to this place. 173 . 171 172 INT. I'm pretty flattered. Jeanie squeals in horror. HOUSE. EXT. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an intruder. 173 INT. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in the face. She flees back up the stairs. KITCHEN Rooney comes out of the den. KITCHEN Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den. INT. CAR Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house. D.168 INT. HOUSE. you can really have something to be proud of. CAR Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to the radio. 169 170 INT. CAR Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear. FOYER Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer.J. CAR Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the car. 168 169 INT. back into the kitchen. VOICE Can you stay around and take a few phone calls? FERRIS' VOICE I'd really like to but I have a kidney operation in about an hour. HOUSE. He crosses back toward the foyer. EXT. He hits the deck. 170 171 INT. KITCHEN 172 Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face. FERRIS' VOICE My input on the Star Wars defense plan was pretty substantial so I guess this is their way of rewarding me.

Joyce gets in. D. JOYCE Did I tell you I have a son your age? BOYD Twice. INT. CAR The door opens. VOICE I wish you the best of luck. She opens the car door.J. A song starts. VOICE A very interesting guy. Steve. I think you'd like him. JOYCE (to the kid) Well. Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name. BOYD How do you watch your mouth? JOYCE Do you know my son? .Don't let the black living room throw you off. JOYCE His name is Ferris. The clients get in the other side. Boyd.J. BOYD I knew he was bullshitting. Ferris Bueller. BOYD Is he going up in the space shuttle in September? Joyce looks around at Boyd. FERRIS' VOICE Thanks. MOTHER Watch your mouth. JOYCE Not that I know of. D. She gives him a curious look. how are you bearing up? The kid stares at her.

I think it's fun. I need help! 175 INT. Rooney stiffens with fear. 176 EXT. JEANIE It's real nice that you hope my brother's feeling better but I'm in danger. STREET Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck. I'd rather not have it violated or killed. in our kitchen. It's parked in front of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with parking citations. BOYD I don't think it's cute. 177 EXT. okay? I'm very cute. Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car. possibly armed. JEANIE This is not a phoeny phone call. She's in a panic. certainly weird. I'd like you to know that I have just called the police. male caucasian.FATHER Don't pay any attention to him. 174 INT. And a scorching case of herpes. KITCHEN Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel. PARKING LOT The three are waiting for the Ferrari. In the distance SIRENS WAIL. If you have any brains whatsoever. JEANIE'S VOICE Excuse me. you'll get your ass out of my house real quick. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. Jeanie's face drops. There's another pause. He thinks it's cute to bait adults. The intercom goes on. (pause) My name is Bueller. There's an intruder. JEANIE'S VOICE I'd also like to add that I have my father's gun. If whoever's in the house is still in the house. I'm very alone and I'm very protective of my body. We HEAR TIRES 177 176 175 174 .

FERRARI Sloane's in the passenger seat. FERRIS Cameron? How many miles did you say this thing had when we left? CAMERON 178 . Keep that in mind. FERRIS This is probably the last time you'll have to ride back here. We return the car. My parents aren't coming home until late. And back to the speedometer. INT.SQUEALING. Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes. 178 EXT. Ferris is driving and Cameron is crammed in the back. then to the road. Ferris hands him the parking stub. He glances down at the speedometer. CAMERON Very funny. FERRIS We have enough cash left for a quick flight to Peoria and back. AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. Then the Ferrari pulls down the ramp and jams to a frightening stop. SLOANE We could go to my house. FERRIS Just out of curiosity. Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in. DOWNTOWN STREET The Ferrari cruises through traffic. CAMERON Nothing. A BLACK GUY jumps out. FERRIS Stunning! He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the passenger seat forward for Cameron. SLOANE What's next. what was your top speed coming down the ramp? BLACK GUY (matter-of-fact) About 60.

Why? How many miles are on it now? He glances down at the speedometer. SLOANE Cameron! Cut it out! What's wrong?! Ferris! CU. FERRARI Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron. FERRIS Hey. FERRIS (to CAMERA) Here's where Cameron goes berserk. vacant stare. INT. CU. He starts to breathe heavily. TRAFFIC The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. SPEEDOMETER The odometer reads 432. CAMERON He's still holding the stare. CU. EXT.7. SLOANE She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms. SLOANE You okay? CU. FERRIS He shoots Sloane a look. It's okay. EXT.One hundred and twenty six and halfway between three and four tenths. CU. He's trembling. Cameron. We HEAR A THUNDERING. EXPRESSWAY The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic. FERRIS He looks at Sloane. CU. We'll fix it. He's concerned. Her gesture is one of genuine support. CAMERON His eyes are frozen in a mindless. MUFFLED SCREAM. .

just shut-up. thank you. FOYER The doorbell rings. SLOANE What can I do. It's completely fixable. VOICE Anybody home? FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry that I can't come to the door right now. The Ferris' tape is activated. Cameron? CU. But it's a problem for him! So.. 179 INT. INT.. FRONT DOOR The door swings open. She turns back to Cameron. Nothing's a problem for you. really. She blinks her eyes. HER POV 180 179 . The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs. HOUSE. FERRARI Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris... Her jaw goes slack.. thank you! She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door. SLOANE Shut-up! It is a problem! For him it's a problem. JEANIE Thank.. FERRIS' HOUSE.you. God! Thank you. 180 EXT. Your old man won't know a thing.FERRIS Cameron. FERRIS Eyes front. are you okay? It's no problem. JEANIE I'm saved! Thank you. FERRIS VOICE Who is it? We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom. She whips it open. He knows what he's doing.

Rooney takes a deep breath. The bus doors open.. KID Hey. BUS The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES. ROONEY He looks vacantly at her. GIRL She holds her smile. GIRL She looks at Rooney and smiles. CU. DRIVER You want a lift? Rooney takes a few more steps. ANOTHER KID Did you get in a fight? Rooney keep walking. 181 EXT.The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the door with floral arrangements. The bus stops. Mr. From inside we hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON BLASTERS. Rooney! What're you doing? Rooney doesn't respond. CU. myopic GIRL. A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps up on the porch. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET Rooney's walking down the street. The DRIVER calls out to him. The passengers are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and take an empty seat next to a skinny.. He climbs aboard the bus. A top forty montage. A school bus is crawling alongside him as kids hang out the windows. CU. 182 181 . NURSE (sings) WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT WE. 182 INT. The door slams shut. She pushes her Coke bottle glasses up on her nose. He stops. Spread all around them are more flowers. GIRL I'll bet you never smelled a real school bus before.

CU. GIRL They've been in pocket. the SHOUTING RESUMES. Ferris WALKS INTO THE FOREGROUND. ROONEY He turns him eyes to the front. 184 EXT. 183 EXT. BUS It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet street. CU. The BLASTERS go back on. The bus jerks forward and pulls away. FERRIS This may very well be for real. CU. BOY A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring at him. GIRL She holds up a candy package. ROONEY He stares at her. Sloane's sitting beside him on the table. GIRL Gummi Bear? CU. ROONEY He looks across to the kid. All I wanted to do . BOY He leans forward. He addresses CAMERA.CU. She's stroking his hair. He's always been a little keyed-up. PARK 184 183 Cameron's laying on a picnic table. I think Cameron might have blown a micro-chip or two. ROONEY He stares at her. CU. CU. They're real soft and warm. GIRL She puts one in her mouth. FRESHMAN BOY It's kind of like being in the belly of the beast isn't it? CU.

SLOANE She's studying Cameron's face. CU. SLOANE Ferris? CU. This isn't just teenage infatuation. I wouldn't fault anybody for doing that. the process of growing up will separate us. She still has another year of high school. He starts back to the picnic table. FERRIS I'm being tested here. He begins to walk. And basically that'll be it. . CU. At least no one's ever been in love with him. Then we have the summer. And she's gonna treat him like shit because he's gonna kiss her ass for giving him what he's built-up in his mind as the end-all. He'll work and I'll work. FERRIS (VO) Cameron's never been in love. FERRIS My best friend has flipped-out. He's gonna marry the first girl he lays. CAMERON His eyes are closed. FERRIS He looks to the picnic table. Then back to CAMERA. I would. be-all of human existance. It just doesn't work. As much as we like each other. She won't respect him because you can't respect someone who kisses your ass. We're gonna graduate in a couple of months. FERRIS Sloane's a bigger problem. Sloane's stroking his hair.was give him a good day. How do I deal with that? I was serious when I said I'd marry her. We follow him. I'll take infatuation. She looks away. And we'll see each other at night and on the weekends but then he'll go to one school and I'll go to another. Conventional wisdom would suggest a visit to the nearest trauma center. My. That's what my parents call it. personally. What do they call what they have? If that's love.

I think this calls for something new, something bold, something wet and wild. 185 CU. JACUZZI JET UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles. CU. BLASTER A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES UP. CU. BEER CAN LID The finger pops a beer. CU. OREO PACKAGE A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper. INT. JACUZZI Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer. Sloane's eating Oreos. FERRIS You feeling any better, Cameron? SLOANE The water's really nice. I wish you'd come in. CU. CAMERON Staring into space. CAMERON Surgery...fire...move... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers her his beer. FERRIS Cameron? Do you think this because of the car or is it a combination of everything shitty in your life? CU. CAMERON He doesn't respond. CAMERON Music...kiss...attack... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS 185

Sloane sips the beer. FERRIS You just can't deal with anymore shit? The car took you into the red zone? Time for a reality check? SLOANE Cameron? I could flip real easy, too. There's nothing wrong with it. At one time or another, everybody goes to the zoo. FERRIS Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe he wasn't bullshitting himself. CU. CAMERON No response. CAMERON Gesundheit...God...mercy... EXT. BACKYARD Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend. CU. CAMERON He smiles. CU. SLOANE She leans forward and stares at Cameron. CU. FERRIS He cocks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to. CU. CAMERON He keels over forward. EXT. BACKYARD Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down, face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for him. UNDERWATER Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water. UNDERWATER

Ferris grabs Cameron's collar and rips him out of the water. EXT. BACKYARD Ferris sits Cameron on the edge of the Jacuzzi. FERRIS CAMERON! CU. CAMERON His eyes are closed. He's lifeless. CU. FERRIS His face is a mask of terror. He shakes Cameron. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. CU. CAMERON A smile spreads across his face. CU. FERRIS He sees the smile. He stops shaking Cameron. EXT. JACUZZI Ferris and Cameron are looking at each other. Sloane's still screaming. She realizes that Cameron's okay. She stops screaming. SLOANE What? FERRIS (Cameron) You asshole! Cameron's smiling. SLOANE What? Ferris starts to laugh. Cameron explodes with laughter. Sloane's bewildered. SLOANE What's so funny? 186 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 186

Jeanie's sitting on a wooden bench with a WASTED TEENAGE BOY in a Triumph t-shirt, long hair, torn jeans, creepers, studs and chains. He's studying her. BOY Drugs?

thank you. The boy nods. BOY Then why don't you go home? JEANIE Why don't you put your thumb up your butt? The boy stares at her. I hate my brother. I've got the troubles. JEANIE I don't know why I'm here.JEANIE No. JEANIE You really want to know what's wrong? The boy shrugs. JEANIE Alright. Did you shoot him or something? JEANIE No. I'm straight. not yet. In a nutshell. I'm serious. Jeanie turns away. JEANIE Blow yourself. If you've got the time. JEANIE Why are you here? BOY Drugs. BOY You want to talk about your problem? JEANIE With you? Are you serious? BOY Yeah. The boy crosses his legs. How's that? BOY That's cool. are you here for drugs? Jeanie stares at him. Jeanie looks back at him. BOY I meant. . He understands the emotion.

you lose a testicle.JEANIE I went home to confirm that the shithead was ditching school and a guy broke into the house and I called the cops and they picked me up for making a phoney phone call. BOY Then your problem is you. BOY So. BOY You know him? . JEANIE Excuse me? BOY Excuse you. JEANIE I'd get caught. BOY There's somebody you should talk to. BOY What do you care if your brother ditches school? Jeanie stares at the boy. JEANIE Why should he get to ditch school when everybody else has to go? BOY You could ditch. It's just an opinion. you're pissed at him because he ditches and doesn't get caught? JEANIE Basically. Partly because he's so bold and partly because he's so right. You oughta spend a little more time dealing with yourself and a little less time worrying about what your brother does. The boy nods knowingly. Jeanie stares at him threateningly. Jeanie stares angrily at him. JEANIE If you say Ferris Bueller.

The engine's racing. The wheels are turning. what would it be? FERRIS I can't believe you'd think up something like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi right in front of you. meditating. FERRARI TIRE It's spinning rapidly.CU. Sloane. INT. Ferris. it doesn't make if the present 187 FERRIS I have a agree with you there. CAMERON I've been thinking all day that if you could only have the use of one word. Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage. CAMERON Thank you. holding it down. The Ferrari is jacked up. Cameron. answer his question. JEANIE'S HAND It curls into a fist. CAMERON'S GARAGE Ferris. ACCELERATOR A brick's resting on the accelerator. 187 CU. CAMERON If you guys only had one word. SLOANE Come on. SLOANE Really. about the future. FERRIS Bathroom. . CY. I I was thinking And I realized and difference goes to shit. what would it be? FERRIS Sloane is naked before your eyes and you're thinking about words? SLOANE God bless you. The whole time things over. CAMERON I was just thinking was like.

CAMERON Ferris? It's not working. ODOMETER Nothing's happening. Cameron peeks in the window. CAMERON The word is help. SLOANE You wanna be generic? CAMERON It's help. FERRIS And what is you loathe somebody? Are you going to say "love" every time you see them? SLOANE It's better than "hello". . CAMERON The miles aren't coming off. Ferris and Sloane think about it. Cameron gets up and walks to the Ferrari. Ferris looks up. It's a good choice. Cameron smiles at his wisdom. SLOANE Love. CAMERON It's the only word you could ever use. FERRIS Cash. FERRIS Hello. running it in reverse. FERRIS Hellos' generic. She thinks.. CU.SLOANE I'd say.. GARAGE Cameron pulls his head out of the car. INT.

SLOANE She smiles proudly at Cameron.000 . CU. Good or bad. CAMERON Seventeen years and I've never taken a stand. TIRES It's spinning wildly. TIRE The spinning tires slam down on the cement. He has made up his mind and it appears that it won't be changed by anyone but himself. CU. GARAGE Cameron has kicked the Ferrari off the jack. against myself. he's finally going to have to deal with me. CU. CU. INT. FERRIS He turns to CAMERA. against my family. my present and my future. She applauds him. A beat and it gives a mighty shove. CAMERON He's serious and determined. It's cool. MERCEDES BUMPER Cameron's foot rests on the bumper. It squeals out of the garage in a cloud of blue tire smoke. FERRIS This is a big U-2 fan. Now. I will take a stand and I will defend it. Let's crack open the odometer and roll it back by hand. I'm taking a stand against my father.FERRIS I thought that might be a problem. Cameron shakes his head. against my past. I'm taking a stand. CU. I'm gonna do it. He walks back around behind the Ferrari. A $50. When my father comes home tonight. CU. CAMERON I got a better idea. I will not sit idly by as events that affect me unfold to change the course of my life.

GARAGE Cameron watches the car go. CAMERON It's okay.unmanned investment heading backwards down a driveway. INT. SLOANE Why? CAMERON I took a stand. TREE The Ferrari's brief journey ends as it smacks a tree trunk. He's proud and bold. FERRIS No. FERRIS You trashed the car. He shoots a look to Ferris. THEIR POV The Ferrari travels down the driveway. He's strangely placcid about the impending disaster. Cameron looks across the street. . GARAGE Ferris and Sloane exchange baffled looks. INT. Cameron. EXT. over the curb into the wooded property opposite the house. Then a look of bewilderment comes over his face. HOUSE The Ferrari shoots down the driveway. SLOANE AND FERRIS They're in shock. CU. They look at Cameron. Then he regains his confidence. across the street. CU. Cameron thinks for a moment. Why'd you do that? Cameron holds his proud posture for a beat. FERRIS What was that about? SLOANE This has to be a dream. FERRIS Cameron? One quick question. Ferris and Sloane are bewildered. You wrecked a car. A puzzled look.

SLOANE What about your one word? CAMERON You already did it. OFFICER For whatever reasons she did it. The gathers her purse and jacket and stands. OFFICER Oh. First. CAMERON It's cool. I'm loose. Outside the office. I want to deal with it by myself. by the way. I appreciate your calling me. JOYCE Thank you. I hope you son's feeling better. Joyce looks at the officer curiously. 188 . I don't know why she'd call you with this story about a rapist. I can assure you that her father and I will have a long talk with her. we see Jeanie and the boy making out. thanks.Ferris looks across the street at the car. If you're interested. Second. OFFICE Joyce is talking with the juvenile officer. CAMERON I'm gonna handle it. JOYCE I hope so. POLICE STATION. 188 INT. Cameron looks at him. I'll use it. This is a shock to me. on the bench. He smiles. He raises am impish eyebrow. CAMERON No. FERRIS I think this could work. I think she'd had a good scare. If I need it again. JOYCE She's never been in trouble before. I don't know why she wasn't at school. He shakes his head. FERRIS I have an idea.

The boy adjusts his pants to better hide his passion. Jeanie reaches down for her purse. 190 EXT. Jeanie wipes her lips and sits up straight. JEANIE Hi. He had to so it. Jeanie stands up. POLICE STATION. BOY For sure. young lady. SLOANE You think Cameron's gonna be alright? FERRIS Sure. WAITING ROOM Jeanie quickly breaks the embrace with the boy as Joyce steps out of the juvenile officer's room. FERRIS Yeah. It was pretty cool. BOY What's your name? JEANIE Jean. SLOANE'S BACKYARD Sloane and Ferris are standing at the back fence. His old man had it coming. What's yours? BOY Garth Volbeck. Get your stuff. all the guys at the station here are pulling for him.OFFICER Tell him. 189 INT. I think we can probably get it on pretty good. I'd be worried if he'd 190 189 . She's still a little bewildered that everybody knows Ferris was ill. I guess. SLOANE I had a great time today. JOYCE Don't "hi" me. JEANIE (to the boy) If you keep this to yourself. He'll be okay.

MUSIC FADES UP. Sloane nods. It gives us great pleasure to assist 193 .33. I know it. CU.. He's approaching it from the side. Sloane smiles knowingly. SLOANE I LOVE YOU! She backs away from the fence.in the amount of $1. SLOANE He's gonna marry me. He jumps a plaster elf. Sloane watches him go. does a flip and lands on the grass on the other side of the pool. 191 EXT. 193 CU.765. SLOANE You're so smart. FERRIS I'll call you tonight. BACKYARD Ferris sprints across a backyard. PIECE OF PAPER We see a portion of the typewritten letter as she signs it. ". SLOANE You didn't have an idea. He runs directly for a swimming pool.taken my idea. He kisses her. She turns and runs into the house. FERRIS No. CU. springs off. Ferris jumps the fence and takes off across the backyards. I'm just real loose. BEDSPREAD Neatly bundles stacks of bills and rolled coins. A significant amount of cash. He leaps.. 192 EXT. A huge smile spreads across her face. hits the diving board. ANOTHER BACKYARD 192 191 Ferris vaults a fence. did you? FERRIS Not a glimmer. SLOANE She's writing.

It's locked. He does a take. HIS POV. Joyce pulls in from the other direction. CU. Ferris moves to the side. PORCH Ferris stands up. past a WOMAN. He smiles. The Woman looks up curiously. He parks and gets out. He's holding the house key. FERRIS' HOUSE Tom pulls in the driveway. FERRIS' STREET He's running down the middle of the street. Tom's at the wheel. A car honks. TOM He realizes it couldn't be Ferris. CAR. 195 INT. INT. He glances in the mirror. 197 196 195 194 . BACK PORCH Ferris tries the door. CU.you in performance of your worthy and much needed survives to those so desperately in need. 196 EXT. HIS POV Rooney's looking down at him. PORCH The outline of a key in the dirt under the mat. MIRROR We see Ferris cut across a front lawn and into a house. EXT. 197 EXT. He reaches down and lifts the doormat. HOUSE Ferris runs through the kitchen. Sincerely. The toe of a chewed-up dress shoe steps INTO FRAME. Sloane Peterson Executive Director The Ferris Bueller Foundation" 194 EXT. The key's gone. fixing dinner and out her backdoor. FERRIS He stares up in horror. CU. HOUSE. An OMNIOUS CHORD IS STRUCK. The car pulls around him.

ROONEY He's dumbfounded. Ferris. JEANIE Can you imagine someone as sick as Ferris trying to walk home from the hospital? (shakes her head) Kids! CU. JEANIE . She rushes Ferris and hugs him. Ferris limps into the house. Rooney gloats severely. Jeanie looks out. (to Ferris) You better get up in bed tight now. ROONEY How does another year of high school sit with you? Suddenly. you're alright! We've been worried sick! CU. Ferris is caught. There's no way out. FERRIS A moment of curiosity. This time I finally got you. the backdoor opens. His victory is evaporating. CU. Mr. JEANIE Thank God. PORCH Jeanie breaks the embrace. CU. Rooney. Then it dawns on him what's happening.ROONEY Looking for this? FERRIS Yes. She feigns joy and relief. ROONEY I got you. ROONEY His eyes dart from Ferris to Jeanie to Ferris. EXT. JEANIE (to Rooney) Thank you for bringing him home. He smiles.

DOG The click of the door wakes him up. They look up at Ferris as he comes in from outside. lost. Jeanie comes in. GROWL. CU. 199 EXT. We hear AN O.C. but Kimberly's is.She raises her hands and strikes a karate pose. Rooney squeezes his eyes shut. he has Jeanie to deal with next year. Kimberly feels her head. KIMBERLY (to Todd) Is he serious? TODD I think so. PORCH Jeanie steps into the house. ROONEY A look of terror as he realizes that is was Jeanie who kicked him and that Jeanie knows it was he who she kicked. His head pops up off the grass. He looks at his little brother. CU. He crosses to the refrigerator and opens it. ROONEY He senses new danger. CU. 200 199 198 . HOUSE The door closes on Rooney's defeated. 200 INT. FERRIS No. Not only has he lost Ferris again. dejected. TODD Ferris? Does my head look like it's getting bigger? Ferris leans against the counter as he tries to catch his breath. bewildered face. A huge smile passes over her face. YARD. 198 INT. shit! Ferris takes out a bottle of orange juice out of the refrigerator and drinks straight from the bottle. KITCHEN Kimberly and Todd are sitting at the kitchen table watching TV and eating cereal. EXT. KIMBERLY Oh.

HOUSE Joyce and Tom head up to the kitchen. FERRIS I want to. KITCHEN Ferris and Jeanie exit the kitchen as Joyce and Tom enter. FERRIS It's completely cool. SECOND FLOOR LANDING Ferris and Jeanie stop.FERRIS Thanks. HOUSE. FERRIS By the way. 202 INT. KIMBERLY Is my head swelling up? 203 INT. guys. FERRIS Upstairs. 201 EXT. JEANIE You don't have to. Ferris gives her a proud smile. plants and gifts. Ferris and Jeanie step gingerly through the flowers and head upstairs. JEANIE You don't have to. I've been ripping off your wallet for years. 204 203 202 201 . JEANIE No problem. Jeanie. I borrowed some cash from you. He affects a sickly voice. FOYER The foyer is jammed with floral arrangements. JOYCE (to Todd and Kimberly) Hi. Mom! 204 INT. JEANIE I'm sorry I've been riding your buns for so long. JOYCE (OC) Ferris! Ferris continues up the stairs. I'll pay you back.

JEANIE Do you know a guy named Garth Volbeck? FERRIS Vaguely. thank you. BEDROOM Tom and Joyce hover over him with deep concern. eyes bulging. I'm graduating in June and I. really. You're sick. Joyce leans over and kisses him forehead. FERRIS (deathly gasp) 150% better. JEANIE Is he cool? FERRIS He's cool. 205 INT. TOM (OC) Ferris? How do you feel? He pulls in his tongue to speak.. JOYCE Honey? CU. He climbs into bed. Tongue out. I want to go to school. They walk over to the bed. JOYCE How did you get so sweet? 205 . FERRIS I'm much better.. But stay away from his brother. Dad. Please. FERRIS The same deathly face he had in the morning. No sooner are the covers over him than the bedroom door opens and Joyce and Tom walk in. FERRIS Maybe you're right. TOM Ferris. Joyce sits down. don't make me stay home again. There's no point pushing yourself and making it worse. TOM I know I'm right. brushes the crumbs off his hands and peels off his shirt. Ferris walks into the room.

life is a carousel. A great big crazy ball of pure living. He rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his head. FERRIS (happy sigh) Yeah. He smiles. FERRIS The hideous face.FERRIS Years of practice. He and Joyce exit. breathing joy and delight. Ferris looks at CAMERA. FERRIS You gotta get one. MUSIC UP BIG END TITLES THE END . CU. Tom pats Ferris on the rump. A beat and we HEAR THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSE.

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