Where's Mom? TODD Is my head going to swell up? TOM What?! JEANIE OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!! MOTHER (JOYCE) (screams) TOM! The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP. TODD What's that? KIMBERLY Wait! Hold still! TODD What?! KIMBERLY You heads starting to swell up!! Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the hallway. A door open. TOM (breathless) What's the matter? JOYCE (worried) It's Ferris! TOM What's wrong? JOYCE (snaps) What's wrong? For Christ's sake! Look at him! 2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA. His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side. 3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties. Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed 3 2

for work. TOM Ferris? JOYCE He doesn't have a fever. But he says his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots. 4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS His lifeless eyes blink. 5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead. TOM What's the matter, Ferris? JOYCE Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy. Tom takes one of Ferris' hands. TOM (discreetly) Should you call the doctor? JOYCE (whispers) He doesn't want me to. TOM Why don't you want Mom to call the doctor? Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can manage is a choked gasp. TOM What? Ferris tries again. FERRIS (raspy) Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up. He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down. FERRIS I have a test today. I have to take it. I want to get into a good college so I can have a fruitful life... JOYCE You're not going to school like this. (to Tom) Maybe I should call the office and 5 4

His older sister. Jeanie. JEANIE You're not falling for this. It's so unfair. FERRIS Please don't be upset with me. JEAN Oh. Ferris.. JEANIE (to herself) Oh. His body stiffens and he chokes. Get to school. JOYCE (annoyed) Thank you. She glares at Ferris. TODD and sister. Cherish it.Oh. FERRIS Is that Jeanie? I can't see that far.tell them I won't be in. She's dressed for school. She slips out of the room. What's this? What's his problem? JOYCE He doesn't feel well. FERRIS I'm okay. you guys'd make me go to school. Ferris' brother. fine. Mom. If I was bleeding out my eyes. JEANIE (angry. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. Jeanie? JEANIE Pucker up and squat. Dry that one out and you can fertilize the lawn. JEAN Yeah. A major pill. I feel perfectly. TOM That's enough. walks into the room. I wanna puke. defeated) You're really letting him stay home? I can't believe this. KIMBERLY Myocardial infarction? JOYCE . right. JEANIE. God! He's gripped by a seizure. KIMBERLY peek into the room. Be thankful that you're fit and have your health. Jeanie. are you? Tell me you're not falling for this.. Jeanie. She's cute and stuck-up.

TOM I'll check it with you. 6 CU. TODD (worried) Dad? Does my head look alright? JOYCE Get downstairs! Now! TODD Just answer me one question! Is it swelling up? Kim said it was going to get as big as. I'll just sleep. Maybe I'll have an aspirin around noon. FERRIS I'll be okay. FERRIS 6 . if you need me. My office'll know where I am. FERRIS It's nice to know I have such loving. TOM Get downstairs! KIMBERLY If he dies. You're both very special people. KIMBERLY Syphilitic meningitus? That would be a huge family embarrassment. Daddy'll be right down.. JOYCE (to Ferris) I'm showing houses to the family from California today but I'll be in the area.. caring parents. I got dibs on his stereo. too. She turns sharply and exits.Get your stuff. KIMBERLY (OC) A WATERMELON! TODD (yells out the room) Shut-up! JOYCE Get downstairs! NOW! Todd backs out of the room.

TOM (OC) Call if you need us. Tom pats his shoulder. 9 CU. BEDROOM Ferris yanks open the drapes. His glassy eyes follow his parents to the door. The pall of the sickroom disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight. JOYCE (OC) We love you. It's a good. FERRIS They bought it. JOYCE I hope you feel better. Parents are generally pretty hip to the fever scams. 7 INT. FERRIS Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. FERRIS Ferris lets out a wheeze. little smile crawls across his lips. 8 CU. (looks out the window) What a beautiful day! He turns from the window. 10 INT. BEDROOM. TV SCREEN The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. A sly. She leans down and kisses his forehead. sweetie. They close the door. You get a nervous mother and you end up in a doctor's office 10 9 8 7 . TOM Get some rest. pumpkin. The lock clicks. Ferris' eyes shift from the door to CAMERA. And to make them work you have to go a hundred and one. It's physical evidence of illness.He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids. FERRIS Parents always fall for the clammy hands. The MTV logo is playing. hundred and two. The MTV theme music ROARS IN. non-specific symptom. JOYCE She strokes Ferris' hair.

really. SHOWER STALL. He turns on the shower water. Inside the shower. This If I have must FERRIS is my ninth sick day with semester. He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV broadcast. It's a little stupid and childish but then so if high school. It's littered with Jean's debris. I absolutely make this one count. Ferris' hair is standing straight up. I don't plan to be European.and that's worse than school. So. FERRIS Fake a stomach cramp and when you're doubled over. He pops up. It's moulded into a fin with shampoo. It's a beautiful day. who gives a shit if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists and it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. 12 11 . FERRIS I do actually have a test. moaning and wailing. Through the pebbled glass of the shower door we see Ferris' outline. I mean. just lick your palms. I'm probably going to to barf up a lung. Right? He equalizes the sound a little. How can I be expected to handle high school? He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. A NEW SONG begins. He steps into the shower. FERRIS I don't care if you're fifty five or seven. everybody needs a day off now and then. 11 INT. 12 INT. He exits into the hallway. BATHROOM. BATHROOM Ferris walks into the bathroom. go for ten. What's the point? I'm not European. So. That wasn't bullshit. FERRIS That I care about it was. FERRIS It's on European socialism.

HALLWAY. FERRIS Not that I condone fascism." A good point there. Or and "isms". "I don't believe in Beatles. Two weeks. He passes CAMERA and goes into his room. He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it. A person should not believe in an "ism". He opens his door.. FERRIS My uncle went to Canada to protest the war. It took you twenty years to find out you don't believe in anything?" (snaps his fingers) Grounded. I just believe in me. BABY. John Lennon said it on his first solo album... They can be real touchy. right? On the Fourth of July he was down with my aunt and he got drunk and told my Dad he felt guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam. 14 13 . 14 INT. LATER Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. TWIST AND SHOUT. He should believe in himself. So I said. BEDROOM Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed. (pause) Be careful when you deal with old hippies. "What's the deal. FERRIS (sings) WELL SHAKE IT UP. Just like that.. FERRIS I could be the Walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off people. Afterall. Uncle Jeff? In wartime you want to be a pacifist and in peacetime you want to be a soldier. He's drying his hair with another of a different color. he was the Walrus.He turns the shower head around and uses it like a microphone. "Isms". in my opinion are not good. 13 INT. FERRIS (OC) I'm not very political? Let me put that into perspective.

"Nothing". He pulls out a pair of underwear. I mean.. I wouldn't want him here. He drops the towel. Nostalgia is her favorite drug. . His father's dead and his sister's rumored to be a prostitute. Mainly his older brother. But she lost it. Do unto others. which is complete bullshit. It's sad but I don't hold it against her. I was sleeping at his house once and I was laying on the dark worrying that his brother was going to come in and hack me to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying. I could see them not wanting his brother here because he is a registered psycho. I'd appreciate it. If she listens to the White Album now? She doesn't hear music. But Garth isn't his brother.15 INT. Better to hold it against the guys who use her and don't care about her. It isn't his fault that his brother's screwed-up. his mother owns a gas station. CLOSET The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts. 16 . Nothing was wrong. He picks it up. (pause) My parents never allowed Garth over here. He gets dressed as he speaks. she hears memories. Alot of fights with the parents on that point. FERRIS His name is Garth Volbeck. I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of artificial fruit just so he could see what it was like to have his stomach pumped. There was no specific thing he was crying about. FERRIS My mother was a hippie. FERRIS In eighth grade a friend of mine made a bong out of one of these. I do what I can for him. if I was him. right? Anyway. He opens his underwear drawer. He's in jail. It'll probably be mine. I'm probably his only friend. 15 16 INT. She only puts out so people will hang out with her. I hope not. BEDROOM He walks across the room to his dresser. Not a bad guy. I always felt for Garth. There's an old model of a submarine on the top of the dresser. She got old. He steps back from the closet and puts it on. too. I asked him what was wrong and he said. It was because of his family. The smoke tasted like glue. He finds a shirt he likes. He's a serious outsider. I like him..

he wasn't really even aware that he was crying. He continues his speech as he disrobes. He's wearing a completely different outfit. He just cried himself to sleep every night. STAIRCASE Ferris comes down the stairs. TV and food. FERRIS Unfortunately. now my parents have a legit argument. His legacy is a gas station. FERRIS One very serious danger is playing sick is that it's possible to believe your own act. FERRIS You have to plan things out before you take the day off. KITCHEN Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the refrigerator. Gone from life. I myself have ditched and gotten so bored I did homework. they do feel for him but still the guy's banned from our house.In fact. He crosses to the pantry. He's eighteen. FERRIS That and boredom. He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet door. Then they realize there's nothing to do. He doesn't like what he's wearing. The guy's so conditioned to grief that if he doesn't feel it. 18 INT. How could you possibly dump on guy who has to deal with that kinda shit? My parents acknowledge the trudge of the situation and I'm sure that deep down. Figure that shit out. he can't sleep. He's getting one on his own. FERRIS 18 17 . It's over for him. It was a habit. He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice. He's lost. Garth doesn't need his brother to give him a rep anymore. Alot of people ditch and feel great for about an hour. Otherwise you get all nervous worrying about what to do and all you get is grief and the whole point is to take it easy. Gone from school. 17 INT. cut loose and enjoy. HOUSE.

what's he got to bitch about?" 20 CU. A telephone rings OVER. He sets it in his lap. He's mumbling random words. you're going to wish you'd gone to school so you could be out having fun. is laying in bed. CAMERON FRYE. BOY'S BEDROOM It's a dark. ANOTHER HOUSE A sleek. He reaches over and picks up the telephone. nightstand a still-life of over the counter remedies. Do it right... He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos. FERRIS Some guy whose hair is falling out and his stomach's hanging over his belt and everything he eats makes him fart. he looks at someone like me and thinks. FERRIS Avoid the misery.no. FERRIS That's just one reason why I need a day off every now and then. PHONE He punches out a number. A high school boy.. dreary sick room. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY is playing. FERRIS He remote controls the TV on.shelter. A prime house in a prime location. when everybody's out of school.You blow your day and at about three o'clock. rich future ahead of him. 23 INT.. Plan your day. "This kid's young and strong and has a full. 21 INT. 19 INT. 23 22 21 20 19 .. CAMERON Food. FAMILY ROOM. modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. only a silhouette with a thermometer sticking out his mouth. floor strewn with used tissues. FAMILY ROOM Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair.yes.. FERRIS There's alot of pressure at work in my age group. Shades drawn. And it's not always recognized. We don't see his face.. 22 EXT..

I can't go anywhere. CAMERON'S ROOM Cameron's insistant. FERRIS' VOICE Is your mother in the room? Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth. Get dressed and come over. Cameron slowly hangs up the phone. 24 INT. FERRIS It's all in your head. 25 24 . Ferris. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker phone button. come on over and pick me up. Now.The phone rings. 25 INT. Come on over. FERRIS' VOICE How do you feel? CAMERON Shredded. FERRIS I'm taking the day off. FERRIS Ferris is sprawled out in the chair. CAMERON (weak) Hello? FERRIS' VOICE Cameron! What's happening? CAMERON Very little. CAMERON I feel like complete shit. Where are you? FERRIS' VOICE Home. Ferris disconnects. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM. CAMERON I'm dying. CAMERON She's not home. CAMERON'S VOICE I can't. I'm sick. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry to hear that.

But I like him. 26 INT. FERRIS If anybody needs a day off. Pardon by French but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass. Cameron hits the speaker button.. (after-thought) And Cameron would worry that he'd owe taxes on it. You just can't think of anything good to do. I've come close myself. TEACHER'S VOICE Anheiser? BOY'S VOICE Here. CAMERA enters a classroom. scuffed heels. it's Cameron. He's a little easier to take when you know why he's like he is. rotting Air Jordans.. It travels past a teacher's Hush Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow Reebocks. The boy cannot relax. A shoe's POV. FERRIS' VOICE You're not dying. TEACHER'S VOICE Anderson. He has alot of things to sort out before he graduates. HALLWAY We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. TEACHER'S VOICE Busch? GIRL'S VOICE 27 26 . 27 INT. in two weeks you'd have a diamond. He can't be wound this tight and go to college. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM Ferris hangs up. TEACHER'S VOICE Albers? BOY'S VOICE Here. His roommate'll kill him. GIRL'S VOICE Here.The phone rings again. SCHOOL. pristine loafers.

FERRIS He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war wagon. TEACHER'S VOICE (weary) Thank you. CU. FAMILY ROOM. CU. FERRIS He throws himself back against the chair. TV Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that it's empty. Simone. He reaches down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve. GIRL'S VOICE (cheery) No problem whatsoever. TEACHER'S VOICE Drucker? BOY'S VOICE What? WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD. INT. 28 CU. The big chase at the end. He's wearing a hockey mash. I guess it's pretty serious. 28 . (pause) My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out at 31 Flavors last night. He gives it a twist.Here. TV THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? GIRL'S VOICE He's sick. He's steering. TV The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws Humongous back in his seat. CU.

make-up. braced for collision. I'm broke. you should not alientate them. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH Outside a bedroom window. books. FERRIS He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high speed ride. CU. Clothes everywhere. FERRIS He rears back in horror. In times of crisis one must to what one must to.CU. head thrown back. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY" 29 . A flowering crabtree branch. records. I'll pay it back. how often they rat on you. He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill. hey. It's Jeanie's room. TV The was wagon hurtles down the road. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE ROOM. CU. But. Ferris is sitting on her bed going through a purse. FERRIS Regardless of how much shit sisters make you eat. He holds up a twenty and snaps it. Very damaging to the self-image. CU. FERRIS Arms outstretched. Because most likely they have cash and it's usually very easy to get your hands on. TV IMPACT! MOZART COMES UP. CU. FERRIS This is really degrading. He comes up with a five. TV The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the tanker truck. FERRIS Financing my activities this way. Petite pink flowers. how gross they act or how wicked and insensitive they can be. With interest. 29 CU. A pink and powder blue pig pen. CU.

COIN COLLECTION The familiar blue collector's album. PARENTS' BEDROOM Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. He closes the door.COMES UP. 33 CU. BIRTHDAY CARD It's a child's card. 32 CU. Another crumpled bill surfaces. A squirt gun. WASHING MACHINE TOP A couple of stiff. LIVING ROOM The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions. 30 INT. His face lights up as he counts out the cash. 35 CU. a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. 39 INT. HALL CLOSET The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets of the coats. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. 36 CU. hard. 31 INT. the quarters are being popped out of their slots. KITCHEN DRAWER Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. new five. A U. A ten. SOFA Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice. Then a modest wad of bills. A screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and pops them apart. 40 CU. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET An obvious gift from a grandparent. SNOOPY BANK It's being shaken furiously. 34 CU. One-by-one. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth.S. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp. VACCUUM CLEANER The dusty. Mint proof set. A hand scoops them up. CU. dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the floor. Locating a dollar bill. 37 CU. 38 CU. A roll of Tums. bleached singles that have gone through the wash lay on top of the washer. FLOOR AND BED 40 39 38 37 36 35 34 33 32 31 30 . A hand peels the bills off the backing.

Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. 48 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL A modern. KITCHEN Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table. It pries the door open. 47 INT. JOYCE No one's going to consider a house with a black living room. a charred doll's head. Her eyes open wide with alarm. She take the call. An awl is driven in between the door and the jamb. 43 CU. Volbeck's dead set against putting any money into the house. suburban high school. Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. Let's be realistic. Inside are trading cards. FERRIS' BED A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. my God. 48 47 46 45 44 43 42 41 . a five dollar bill. JOYCE Joyce Bueller. His arm reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed. They're also real estate agents. 44 INT. 45 CU. I'm so sorry. finally. Not even those jerks from Vermont. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. A cute little building in town. KITCHEN Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter. BANK It's on a work bench. OFFICE Joyce is behind a desk. a Zippo lighter and. The SONG ENDS. I completely forgot to call. JOYCE Oh. 42 INT. Across from her are two WOMEN. 46 EXT. MORNING A suburban realty company. 41 CU. AGENT 1 Mrs. TABLE LEG Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used to balance the table.

JOYCE'S VOICE This is all news to me. SCHOOL. JOYCE'S VOICE I don't understand. Moderately priced dress shoes. The dean's feet are up on the desk. behind the sign. clean and straight as an I-beam. ROONEY I just has his file up. I am. INT. suit and tie. DESK SIGN It reads.MAN'S VOICE Are you aware that your son is not in school today? 49 INT. DEAN'S VOICE Are you also aware that Ferris does not have what we consider an exemplary attendance record? 51 INT. JOYCE'S VOICE Yes. Ferris is home sick. He's toying with a pencil. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. Bueller. CU. ROONEY. We hear the dean inside the office. Behind him is a computer terminal. The hall is clogged with students. ROONEY If Ferris thinks he coast this last month and still graduate. DEAN'S VOICE I just had his file up. I should have called. neatly combed hair. HALLWAY It's a passing period. EDWARD R. CU. SCHOOL. 50 INT. DEAN ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. He's confident to the point of arrogance. DEAD OF STUDENTS. COMPUTER MONITOR The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records. He removes his feet from the desk and turns in his swivel chair. CU. It completely slipped my mind. I had a meeting first thing this morning. Mrs. OFFICE. 51 50 49 . he's sorely mistaken. He's tough. Short. DEAN'S OFFICE.

FERRIS I wanted a car. SPEAKER The grille cloth is throbbing. he's been absent nine times. JOYCE I can give you every assurance that Ferris is home and that he is.. He's playing.. Including today. OFFICE Rooney turns to the monitor. I debated whether or not I should even leave him. but in Ferris' case. 52 INT. ROONEY I have it right here in front of me. INT. CU. I can appreciate that at this time of year children are prone to taking the day off. 54 INT. I got a computer. JOYCE'S OFFICE She's still on the phone with Rooney. CU. FERRIS' ROOM Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. He reads off the screen. How's that for being born under a bad sign? 53 INT. in fact. He has his record up on the screen. CU. he's truly a very sick boy. He looks closer at the screen. TV MONITOR We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck. very ill. LED METERS The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone. JOYCE'S VOICE Nine times? Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a number 2. SOLO GUITAR. FERRIS' BEDROOM MUSIC BLASTS. He's missed.ROONEY'S VOICE So far this semester alone. 54 53 52 .

He sighs deeply and fall back on the bed. FERRIS' ROOM He's in bed on the phone. 58 INT. 56 INT. (to the phone) Did you see Alien? When the guy had the creature in his stomach? It feels like that. SCHOOL. GIRL A whole bunch of people. JEANIE What're you sorry for? I have to live with the trouser snake. I'm bricking heavily. 57 INT. Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl. (point to the phone) Freshman. I mean I heard he's really sick. She kicks her locker shut. FERRIS A sample of my blood was sent to Atlanta to the Center for Disease Control. 55 INT. man. They said he's like on the verge of death. GIRL No. GIRL I'm really sorry about your brother.CU. CAMERON'S ROOM He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. JEANIE Who said he's sick. HALLWAY Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. HALLWAY 58 57 56 55 . VIDEO CAMERA A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape. SCHOOL. GIRL This guy in my biology class said that if Ferris dies he's giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's really sweet isn't he? She smiles and exits. I don't know. A GIRLFRIEND comes up to her. Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment.

The boy snatches a passing GIRL.. why? He hands her the phone. Hold on. BOY Anyway. We gotta split. BOY Oh.A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. sure. BOY Goddamn! Are you kidding? SECOND BOY What? BOY Did you see Alien? SECOND BOY No. GIRL Hello? (pause) Who? (pause) . You know him? THIRD BOY (excited) Yeah. I hope he doesn't die. He's really wasted.Yeah.. I can't handle summer school. I appreciate you letting us know how you're doing. BOY You never rented the video cassette? Second boy shakes his head. THIRD BOY (to the Second Boy) Who's he talking to? SECOND BOY Ferris Bueller. A couple of his BUDDIES are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news. SECOND BOY (to Third Boy) Shit. BOY Did you see Alien? GIRL Yeah. (pause) Huh?. He's getting me out of summer school. no.

Ferris. motorheads. Ed. my God! You're dying? Is it serious? (pause) Shiit! Are you upset? 59 INT. they all adore him. wonkers. Sportos. ROONEY Really? He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint. Rooney stares at her for a long beat. richies. Ed. How's your bod? (jaw drops) Oh. ROONEY I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him! SECRETARY With your bad knee. FERRIS' ROOM He's on the telephone. As he speaks he does a little 61 60 59 . ROONEY What's so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is that he gives the good kids bad ideas. His SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder. You sounded like Dirty Harry just now. Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile. SECRETARY He's very popular. A florist's truck drives past the house. FERRIS' HOUSE It's a glorious late spring day. you better not throw anybody. ROONEY That's exactly why I have to catch him this time.Hi. dweebies. To show these kids that the example he sets is a first class ticket to nowhere. sluts. SECRETARY (impressed) Ooo. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. geeks. pinheads. 61 INT. 60 EXT. The last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls.

The other phone line rings. making me wait around the house for you. Why can't you leave me alone? FERRIS' VOICE You're not up for some good times? It's a beautiful day. man. You're boring me with this stuff. DOWNTOWN A LaSalle Street office tower. I'm serious. It's almost summer. 63 INT. you can find a new best friend. TOM'S VOICE Ferris? 65 INT. I feel like shit. This is bullshit. If this was Hawaii.MacPainting on his MacIntosh. A Modigliani nude. CAMERON'S BEDROOM Cameron's back in bed. 62 INT. FERRIS You want to stay home and try to have the shits? Try to barf? Try to feel worse? CAMERON'S VOICE I don't have to try. He sounds like he's on his last breath. OFFICE BUILDING. FERRIS Cameron. He clears his throat and answers the second line. if you're not over here in fifteen minutes. CAMERON I'm sick. FERRIS H--hell-o? 64 EXT. I got another call. TOM'S OFFICE 65 64 63 62 . FERRIS Be a man. we'd be surfing. FERRIS Squeeze you buns for a second. Take some Pepto Bismol and get dressed. He puts Cameron on hold. FERRIS' ROOM He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness.

Herman Miller desk and chair. The moment before you called. Are you busted? FERRIS It's completely cool. He switches back to his sick voice. INT. COMPUTER MONITOR A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making. FERRIS' ROOM He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke. 66 . It was making me ill looking at it. Are you alright? FERRIS Just a little phlegm on the phone. I had a chest spasm and I blew lung fluid all over the place. listen to me. Now. TOM You sound miserable. He disconnects and gets his father back. FERRIS Sorry.He's behind his desk. He puts his father on hold. FERRIS Dad? Can you hold on a second? TOM'S VOICE Sure. Two windows. Dad. 66 CU. it's sure great of you to call. FERRIS (OC) I'm so worried about falling behind. the least you can do is hurry up and get over here. Hold on. CAMERON'S VOICE Oh. But gee. FERRIS' VOICE Really? Darn! I thought I was improving. So. FERRIS Cameron? It's my Dad. He's just checking up on me. TOM Were you sleeping? FERRIS' VOICE I was trying to do some homework. that's just great. pal. I'm working on getting some heavy bucks out of him. Nice office. Bye.

I'm sure there're alot of fathers who wouldn't take time out from their busy schedules to call a dumb. sick teenager. DIAMONDVISION SCREEN Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard. pal. 67 EXT. The screen dumps the drawing. FERRIS You work so hard I'll bet you don't even remember where those bonds are. yeah? You're pulling my leg. Dad. INT. It's like those savings bonds you used to give me every Christmas. right? Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father. COMPUTER SCREEN A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA". It was a mammoth gesture. He lights a cigarette. TOM'S VOICE Wrong. 68 67 . 68 INT. Pedestrians stop to look. FERRIS Oh. TOM'S VOICE Hey. CHICAGO LOOP. He nods. CU. You're just trying to cheer me up. FERRIS You had to work hard for the money to buy those things. what was I supposed to do? Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer. right? TOM'S VOICE Not any harder than anybody else. (looks at CAMERA and smiles) It was that kind of concern. Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them. FERRIS' ROOM He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the desk. FERRIS' ROOM He blows a smoke ring. FERRIS Give yourself some credit.

you lose some. TOM'S VOICE Okay. 69 . CAMERON FERRIS disappointed in Cameron. He turns his desk chair around and gets up. bucks says he's sitting car debating about whether he should go out. FERRIS (to CAMERA. No doubt about it. (thinks) Of course. TOM'S VOICE I want to. Dad. CAMERON He's sitting behind the wheel of his car. CAR. if they didn't. They're in a shoebox in my closet. He looks at CAMERA. sick voice) Dad? All this talking has made me kind of light-headed. pal. He cuts the engine. Ferris smiles. FERRIS You don't have to. they'd be dumb and abnormal and they'd probably never move out of my house and I'd have to support them until I die. I hope my kids don't pull this shit on me.TOM'S VOICE Like hell I am. I take it back. Bye now. Ferris sighs. He hangs up. FERRIS You win some. CAMERON We're gonna get caught. I'll call you after lunch. You take care. I think I better lie down. I'm so Twenty in his or not 69 INT. (to the phone. normal voice) Was that a class move or what? The guy gave it up faster than a drunk Catholic girl. He's gotten exactly what he wants.

The guy is a shellfish when it comes to making a decision. 72 INT. LATER 72 71 70 . HALLWAY Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway. He sits for half a beat.. The reason he doesn't fell good is. He leafs through the pages for the pictorials as he speaks. SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED. The hands lift a sweater out. INT.I'm not doing it. He goes into the bathroom. what'll happen is I'll get caught. DRESSER DRAWER Hands curl around the drawer pulls. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC.. He's the only guy I know who's deeply concerned that when he grows up there'll be a critical shortage of strategic metals. Ferris'll escape. 70 CU. FERRIS Cameron's also the only guy I know who knows what strategic metals are. FERRIS (sings) MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER. Another beat. A HERALDIC STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater. FERRIS' ROOM He takes out the magazine. CAMERON He'll keep calling until I come over. FERRIS Cameron'll go on like that for a good thirty minutes. 71 INT. He exits the room. he worries about everything. CLASSROOM. He sighs and restarts the engine. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM DOWN. Another beat. The drawer is opened slowly. (waves the magazine) Pardon moi. ominously. He stops the engine. CAMERON Actually.

dusty lecture. For a moment. SLOANE She. NURSE Sloane Peterson? SLOANE Sits up in her seat. INT. He nods grimly to the Nurse. is sitting at her desk in a history class. HALLWAY The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand. The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. SLOANE A smile curls across her lips. 74 73 . SLOANE PETERSON. TEACHER AND NURSE The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece of disturbing news. NURSE May I see you outside for a moment? There's been an emergency. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear. As she gathers her books she looks to the GIRL next to her. NURSE She's a picture of compassion and understanding.A stunningly beautiful girl. She's staring out the window as a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry. (sneezes) Pardon me. ROONEY He has a suspicious look on his face. the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard him sneeze. NURSE (nods solemnly) Dead grandmother. She looks at the kids. 74 CU. watches the nurse curiously. SLOANE (whispers) Dead grandmother. like the others. TEACHER Roosevelt's health had seriously deteriorated by the time he met with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta. 73 INT. CLASSROOM.

. SECRETARY It's Mr. ROONEY Could you get me Mr. ROONEY How are you today. ROONEY Ed Rooney. She puts the call on hold. Rooney's phone rings. Peterson's daytime number? As the secretary starts out of the room. Peterson. sir? MAN'S VOICE We've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard. His secretary is standing across from him. ROONEY Who's this girl's going with? SECRETARY It's so hard to tell.ROONEY Dead grandmother? INT. She smiles and backs out. Can you hold? Thank you. (pause) Yes. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's at his desk. Rooney is startled. His suspicions are confirmed. MAN'S VOICE Ed? This is George Peterson. I had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane. SECRETARY That's what Mr. Peterson said. He punches the phone button. SECRETARY Edward Rooney's office. Rooney smiles. I see her alot with Ferris Bueller. She stops and answers the desk phone. SECRETARY Do you still want his number? Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. He thinks for a beat then reaches for the phone.

SECRETARY Ed Rooney's office. It's so obvious it's not Mr. Peterson. I'm gonna set a trap and let his walk right into it! (to phone) That's right. He's angry. SECRETARY Hold. She hurried into Rooney's office. You produce a corpse and I'll release Sloane. sure. ROONEY I'll tell you want. It's school policy. She puts the call on hold and hangs up. Her jaw drops. Huh? Oh. Rooney tries to wave her away. Nervy litttle punk. He covers the phone. I'm all broken up. ROONEY I heard. ROONEY (whispers) It's Ferris Bueller. SECRETARY'S OFFICE She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other line. please.Rooney rolls his eyes. She's waving her arms furiously. She stomps her foot. Was this your mother? Rooney's other line rings. Cart the stiff in and I'll turn over your daughter. ROONEY What!? SECRETARY Ferris Bueller's on line two. The secretary stops cold in the doorway. I'd be happy to release Sloane. you can just come on down and smooch by big old ugly ass. 75 INT. you don't like my policies. 76 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line. And. Rooney covers the phone. gosh. 76 75 . She turns to Rooney in horror. I want to see this dead grandmother firsthand. You hear me? The secretary comes in.

78 INT. CU. CAMERON You oughta be sorry for Christ's sake! A family member dies and you insult me. The phone's cradled against his shoulder.CU. FERRIS Mr. KITCHEN Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. ROONEY'S FACE A mask of horror. fastening his belt. anyway? 79 78 77 . ROONEY He winces as he returns to the first call. PHONE Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting call. cocks his head. He glances at the phone. CU. 79 INT. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb you at work but I was wondering if it would be possible for my sister to bring home any assignments from my classes that I may need. What's the matter with you. sir. CU. twitches. phoney "father" voice. He's doing a deep. CU. ROONEY'S HAND The pencils falls from his fingers. DEAN'S OFFICE. 77 INT. ROONEY He's staring blankly ahead. ROONEY He blinks. FERRIS' VOICE Thank you. ROONEY'S FOOT It freezes in mid-tap. FERRIS' HOUSE. CU. CU. FERRIS' ROOM He's zipping his pants. PHONE The second line light is flashing. He speaks in the same voice he used on his father. He nods.

He's perspiring. CAMERON Call me sir. Peterson. CAMERON That's better. Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone. Mr. ROONEY I don't know. that I would never deliberately insult you. You're doing great. KITCHEN Cameron lays into Rooney. ROONEY Absolutely! I most certainly am. Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the conversation. CAMERON (clears his throat) I don't have all day to bark at you so I'll make this short and sweet. You have to know. CAMERON'S VOICE Pardon my French but you're an asshole! Rooney nods enthusiastically. I can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I am. DEAN'S OFFICE. I thought you were someone else. You just make sure my daughter's out in front of the school in ten minutes.80 INT. Ferris! What is Rooney guesses my voice! FERRIS Impossible. Cameron covers the phone. 81 . goddamn it! ROONEY'S VOICE Sir. trembling. sir. buster. ROONEY He apologies profusely to Cameron. 80 81 INT. CAMERON (to Ferris) I'm scared shitless. Do you read me? ROONEY'S VOICE Load and clear. CAMERON This isn't over yet.

FERRIS' KITCHEN Cameron's rubbing the side of his head. fella.Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up. He's said the wrong thing.. FERRIS (mouths) Great! Cameron smiles proudly. The phone flies out of his hand. He holds the phone out to Ferris. moron. He covers the phone. FERRIS Talk! Cameron takes a deep breath. Cover it. CAMERON You do it! Ferris waves his arms angrily. We'll get together soon and have lunch. We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS. You be out in front with her! I wanna have a few words with you! Ferris slaps Cameron. He clears his throat and puts on his father's voice. CAMERON I changed my mind. Ferris smacks Cameron. By herself. THEN CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT.. CAMERON What'd I do? FERRIS Out in front my herself? It's too suspicious! He'll think something's up. ROONEY He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK! We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE. Cameron panics. I don's want anyone around. 83 INT. I don't have time to talk to you. CAMERON'S VOICE On second thought. 82 CU. CAMERON I want my daughter out in front of the school in ten minutes. 83 82 .

make me jeopardize my future. Look. CAMERON You hit me. I lightly slapped you. CAMERON I was home. FERRIS How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's going to be there with her?! CAMERON I said for her to be there alone and you freaked! FERRIS My. really? FERRIS Yeah. a man who could squeeze my nuts into oblivion and then you deliberately hurt my feelings. CAMERON Oh.CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me? FERRIS Where's your brain? CAMERON I asked you first. God. You get me out of bed. being me over here. don't ask me to participate in your crap if you don't like the way I do it! Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. make me do a phoney phone call on a dean of students. FERRIS I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings. sick. you're so stupid! (aside) I didn't hit you. . Cameron's anger is intensified by his embarrassment. really.

FERRIS You did screw up through. He appreciates Ferris apology. FERRIS Cameron? CAMERON Stick it up your ass. right? Not that is was necessarily all you fault. We move up from the stallion to the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. FERRIS Cameron. Right? CAMERON (suspiciously) Why? FERRIS To fix this situation. Cameron stops. CAMERON AND FERRIS Cameron's face is ashen. 84 . FERRARI STALLION The prancing black stallion. It was uncalled for. I didn't mean to jam you. Cameron smiles. CAMERON You're serious? He turns around. dramatically as we hear a heraldic fanfare. Ferris is smiling with excitement and awe. Cameron's jaw drops. 84 INT.Cameron glares at Ferris. CAMERON Thanks. GARAGE The door opens slowly. CU. He turns and heads out of the room. Ferris. Ferris sighs. The end of the world is at hand. I'm going to have to ask you for a small favor. CAMERON Hey. I'm sorry. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris looking at the car. FERRIS Dead serious. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear. Ferris? Have a nice life.

FERRIS He doesn't trust you? CAMERON No. My father spent three years restoring it. CAMERON He knows the mileage. Rooney'd never believe Mr. He puts his arm around Cameron. CAMERON It's not a piece of shit. Don't worry about it. He just rubs it with a diaper. He has it tatooed on his wrist. FERRIS Alright. It is joy. Less than a hundred were made. CAMERON Ferris. Ferris. I have to envy yours. I don't even have a piece of shit. it is his love. Ferris. this is real simple. Peterson drives that piece of shit. Cameron. FERRIS It's a piece of shit. . FERRIS It is his fault he didn't lock the garage. I'm sorry but there's nothing else we can do. It has a market value of $265. FERRIS We can't pick up Sloane in your car. my father loves this car more than life itself. Look. CAMERON He never drives it.Ferris is in heaven.000. CAMERON (grim monotone) 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. FERRIS A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile. look. it is his passion. We can't take is out. we'll take off. FERRIS Whatever miles we put on it.

CU. CAMERON Are you crazy?! Put the top back up! FERRIS This is perfect top-down weather. CAMERON That makes no sense whatsoever. the more obvious we are. Jeanie watches her suspiciously. CAMERON'S VOICE . 86 EXT. the less likely we are to get caught. CAMERON What about Rooney? FERRIS Cameron.. proud smile) We'll drive home backwards.. Ferris.. FERRARI GRILLE Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar of the twelve cylinders. Cameron's in the back. no. 85 INT. The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a crowded school hallway. I'm putting my foot down. I have to live with the man. You'll have to think of something else. FERRARI Ferris is driving.You're not talking me into this one. FERRIS 87 86 85 .. I'm sorry but. 87 INT. JEANIE She comes out of a classroom. SCHOOL The Ferrari is parked out in front. Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her books.. SCHOOL.CAMERON (suspicious) How? FERRIS (big. CAMERON Forget it. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses. The top is down. Cameron shakes his head.. She stops as Sloane and Rooney walk past.

She was a terrific lady. FERRIS Hurry along now! EXT. 89 INT.The adult mind is a suspicious machine. Very old. Very. THEIR POV Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. Very hip. See ya. He's careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline. SLOANE Huh? ROONEY Were you close to your grandmother? SLOANE Oh. Cameron squeezes himself lower. 88 EXT. Rooney looks. Yeah. DEEP VOICE Oh. Sloane smiles and bids Rooney a hasty farewell. ROONEY Once again let me say how deeply saddened I am by your loss. Yeah. She hurries to the car. SCHOOL Rooney's suspicious. Thanks. (look around at Cameron) Stay down. Rooney watches her. SLOANE I guess that's my Dad. 89 88 . CAMERON Howcome it's my Dad's car and I'm taking all the risk and I have to ride back here? FERRIS I don't have an explanation. Something does compute for him. man. Um. JEANIE She's watching out the door. Sloane! Dear! Sloane looks across at the Ferrari. SCHOOL Rooney and Sloane come out the door. She sees the Ferrari pull away. SCHOOL.

FERRIS Either would I. FERRARI It accelerates away like a shot. You comfortable? CAMERON Hi. No. It' s going home. SCHOOL. FERRIS It was risky. SLOANE This is so great! I can't believe it! Right in front of Rooney! She laughs and turns to Cameron. 91 92 EXT. 90 91 INT. SLOANE What're we gonna do? FERRIS The question isn't "what are we gonna do". STREET. 92 . SLOANE What a fabulous car! CAMERON Enjoy it quick. Please. FERRARI Sloane shrieks with delight. She leans across the console and gives Ferris a kiss. Cameron. it was bold but it was totally necessary. FERRIS (to CAMERA) If you had access to a car like this would you take it back right away? Would you give up feeling like a ton just to ease your best friend's tension? He smiles. SLOANE Hi. ROONEY He can't quite put his finger on what's bothering him." CAMERON Don't tell me we're not going to take the car home. the question is "what aren't we going to do.90 EXT.

should you be in school? FERRIS He lays his savings bonds on the counter. Ferris is cocky and confident. ZZ. Ferris leads the way to an open teller window. TELLER I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. She withdraws it from the hair and smiles at it's reappearance. DOORS Ferris. It's about four inches higher the highest beehive you're ever seen. Sloane's still intoxicated with her freedom. In doing so she locates a missing ball point pen. this is Mrs. modern bank building.Madonna. Ferris smiles.. 93 94 INT. (something occurs to her) Say. ZZ Top. She's been at the bank since they opened. FERRIS Hello.93 EXT. FERRIS (to Cameron) And this is my brother-in-law. Froeling. In fact. SUBURBAN BANK A fresh. I'm as chipper as can be. TELLER Ferris Bueller? FERRIS He's at the window. This is my wife. As she moves the beehive hits a small sign over her head. TELLER A WOMAN about seventy with a silver blue beehive.. The Ferrari pulls into the parking lot. On either shoulder are Cameron and Sloane. BANK. Froeling. Cameron and Sloane walk in. INT. Mrs. I'm married. The clock outside read 9:53. FERRIS Me? (polite laugh) I'm out of school. Mrs. She smiles when she sees Ferris. Sloane suppresses a laugh. so I'm a little pooped but other than that. Cameron blanches. 94 . BANK. How are you? TELLER She pats the rock-solid mass of blue hair. Cameron's having stomach trouble. Froeling.

Cameron isn't amused. TELLER (to Cameron) Is Top a Slavic name? CAMERON Yeah. FERRIS I'd like to cash these in, please. We're having a baby and we need the cash for a crib, clothes, diapers, food pellets, leash, water dish... INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling takes the bonds with a hearty smile. The latter part of the conversation sails over her like a line drive. TELLER A baby! (to Sloane) You must be so excited. Cameron groans and turns away from the sham. SLOANE I'm thrilled, ma'am. I'm especially looking forward to wearing those jeans with the stretch panel in front. Mrs. Froeling thumbs through the bonds. TELLER Are you hoping for a boy or a girl? SLOANE Actually, we're hoping for a car. CU. CAMERON He's spooked by the games playing. He scans the bank nervously. He blinks, focuses, blinks again. HIS POV Joyce is with a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE and their bored, sour-puss teenage son, BOYD. He's sitting in a chair with his legs slung over the sides waving a Bic lighter back and forth across his rump. The parents are Joyce's clients from Vermont. A LOAN OFFICER is discussing the local financing situation with them. His is an open office adjacent to the teller windows. Joyce's back is to the tellers. CU. CAMERON

It's like he's just witnesses an ax murder. CAMERON Shit... INT. BANK. JOYCE Her back is to the teller windows. She's conducting her meeting. Behind her we see Cameron grab Ferris and point her out to him. He waves. Cameron slaps his arm. INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds. TELLER These bonds aren't mature. If you hold onto them another two years you'll get an additional four dollars... FERRIS I'm aware of that. TELLER You're throwing away four dollars. FERRIS No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the government. They need it. Do you know what an aircraft carrier's going for these days? INT. BANK. JOYCE She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out. INT. BANK. DOOR Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce. JOYCE Mrs. Froeling, how are you? MRS. FROELING I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. (shifts gears, to Joyce) Say, you must be very proud. Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about. MRS. FROELING (whispers) I met Madonna. She pats Joyce on the arm.

MRS. FROELING She told me everything. Keep me posted, I'll want to send a gift. She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are completely baffled. 95 EXT. BANK Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking lot. JOYCE My son's home sick today. If you wouldn't mind, on our way back to the office, I'd like to just run in and check up on him. We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car. MOTHER Of course. They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look on proudly. 96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE His secretary is dialing a number for him. SECRETARY This is the Peterson's home. She hands the phone to Rooney. SECRETARY Watch your mouth this time. Rooney glares at her. ROONEY Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's no doubt in my mind. That's what I was saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped. He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this thing now. See? The secretary nods. SECRETARY And her grandmother, too. 97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an 97 96 95

98 INT.. puzzled...awful lot like Sloane. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney hangs up the phone. CAMERON'S HOUSE His answering machine clicks on. ROONEY What? SECRETARY My brother-in-law rides the train to work. CAMERON'S VOICE You have reached the Coughlin Bros. The Ferrari streaks past.. The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk. goddamn it. Rooney stares at her like she's crazy. EDENS EXPRESSWAY The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the suburbs. 100 INT. If you need to reach us we'll be at the following number. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney quickly takes down a number. She's not listening to him. In the distance we see the Sears Tower. SECRETARY There's a railroad strike. We've had a death in the family. Rooney looks at her. We are unable to come to the phone right now but if you'll leave your name and number. 101 100 99 98 . We hear Cameron's voice. SLOANE We can't come to the phone right now. 99 EXT. ROONEY Something's going on. ROONEY And I'm going to stop it! SECRETARY My brother-in-law'll appreciate it. ROONEY Who gives a good goddamn? 101 EXT. the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil Building. Mortuary.

KID They run about fifty g's so it you could help out.. babe! Some day you might need a favor from Ferris Bueller! Then where'll you be?! He reaches for the can. Cameron's having fits. We're collecting money to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. GARAGE Ferris. FERRIS 103 . She's flabbergasted at the proportions her brother's scan has reached. Sloane and Cameron get out. 103 EXT. Jeanie stares at him. HALLWAY Jeanie's walking down the hall.. KID Heartless wench.. KID Hey. wrecked.. SCHOOL. PARKING GARAGE The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage. JEANIE Go piss up a flagpole! KID Huh? 102 She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall. CAMERON We can't leave the car here! FERRIS Why not? CAMERON Because we can't! I want it back home where it belongs! SLOANE What could happen to it? CAMERON It could get stolen. scratched.102 INT. you name it. The kid yells after her. She's stopped by a KID with a Coke can. KID Yo. EXT. CHICAGO LOOP.

They exit the garage and head after Sloane. EXT. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a hairnet Gold teeth.I'll give the guy a five to watch it. Earring. PARKING ATTENDANT He smiles with relish at the car. 6'6". A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the exit ramp of the garage. very carefully. 240. ATTENDANT Like it's a beautiful woman. SLOANE This is so right! Ferris nudges Cameron on. PARKING LOT The Attendant swaggers over to the car. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly. Another attendant jumps in the passenger side. FERRIS Great. Goatee. FERRIS I appreciate it. An IQ that equals his hourly wage. FERRIS See what a finski can do to a person's attitude? He's going to treat it like a beautiful woman. Cameron. Ferris slips him a give. FERRIS You speak English? ATTENDANT Since I was three. CAMERON What guy? CU. sure. He smiles. SLOANE Oh. The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. No squealing tires. Ferris turns to Cameron. . Do you have to be so graphic? She heads down the street. please. CAMERON Yeah. I want to you take extra special care of this vehicle. Whip it with a stick and piss on the hood. no revving engine. okay? He pats the Attendant on the arm. It's gone in the entrance and out the exit.

109 108 107 106 105 . CU. DOOR KNOB The wire is tied to the doorknob. INT. It heads down the street away from Sloane. It's taut. with a huge knit hat willed with dreads. She gets out and heads up the house. CLOSET The closet door is open. FERRIS' SYNTHESIZER Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring. HOUSE. Ferris and Cameron. CU. We hear soft snoring. 104 EXT. HOUSE. 105 INT. FERRIS' ROOM It's dark. CU. She's smiles with relief and affection. HALLWAY Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room. ROOM. A trophy is attached to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick.He's skinny. the trophy lifts up off the yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's original position. 109 INT. 107 INT. She listens at the door. HER POV The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves. 108 INT. As the bedroom door closes. WE HEAR THE SNORING. The snoring it simulated. He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of the lot. we hear a door open and close. The wire from the bedroom door is strung over the top of the closet door. There's a figure in the bed. 106 INT. tall. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet door to the door to the room itself. JOYCE She smiles and closes the door. DOORKNOB Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a crack. FERRIS' HOUSE 104 Joyce's care pulls in the driveway. ROOM. STAIRWAY Joyce quietly walks up the stairs. Downstairs. HALLWAY Joyce listens at the door another beat.

Sloane leans forward. FERRIS Now.. FERRIS (VO) This is the world's tallest building. FERRIS And look down. far below.. Cameron follows. lean against the glass. He leans forward. Like this. LATER 110 HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the world's tallest building. As it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows. Ferris.. Wisconsin and my personal favorite. reluctantly. From our vantage point here on the 103 floor. putting all his weight on his forehead. OBSERVATION DECK The three are leaning against the glass. Cameron and Sloane are standing against the window. Michigan.110 EXT.. Indiana. SLOANE What if the glass gives? FERRIS Death. Ferris steps back. Sloane and Cameron follow suit. Are we gonna stay long? FERRIS Take a step back. CAMERON I don't feel good. 111 INT. SEARS TOWER OBSERVATION DECK Ferris. SEARS TOWER. A dizzying view. we are provided with a view of four states. CAMERON (VO) Do you think the car's alright? FERRIS (VO) Illinois. shit! HER POV The street far. INT. SLOANE 111 . SLOANE Oh.

117 INT. 113 INT. He's lean. CAMERON I think I see my Dad. STREET Ferris and Sloane burst out the doors garnering the annoyed stares of the business people busily going in and out of the building. Cameron politely waits his turn to exit. STREET LEVEL A middle-aged man. Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the gallery watching the proceedings. clean. He's wearing a puzzled look on his face. 116 INT. FERRIS AND SLOANE I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS! 115 EXT. They dance past the giant Calder mobile. CU. CAMERON He's looking down. tough and humorless.Cool. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE Giant old monolith. 117 116 115 114 113 112 . TRADING ROOM Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities. HORACE FRYE. SEARS TOWER LOBBY Ferris and Sloane bound down the escalator. They're singing. HIS POV The Ferrari screams down the avenue and disappears down the underground ramp. Cameron's father. is standing on the street corner. GALLERY Ferris. Cameron follows. CAMERON'S FATHER I think I see my car. FERRIS AND SLOANE I BEEN ALL 'ROUND THIS GREAT BIG WORLD AND I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF GIRLS YEAH. Cameron follows glumly. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. 112 EXT. Ferris and Sloane head down the street. BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET BACK IN THE STATES BACK TO THE CUTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA 114 EXT.

You? SLOANE Yes. FERRIS Would I have introduced you as my wife if I didn't love you? SLOANE Wait a minute. SLOANE Sure.SLOANE Do you love me? FERRIS Do you love me? SLOANE I asked you first. SLOANE No way! . Is he serious. FERRIS Would you want to get married? I mean if I wasn't an asshole. FERRIS Would I trash a day of education to be with you if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. Ferris puts his arm around Sloane. FERRIS Yes. That was a lie. FERRIS Would I risk damaging a deep and wonderfully enriching relationship with my parents if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. FERRIS (serious) Today? Sloane stares at him. FERRIS True. FERRIS I'm game.

The state requires a blood test. FERRIS Besides being too young and your father hating my guts and not having any place to live and feeling awkward about being the only cheerleader with a husband. FERRIS Huh? CAMERON If your blood's not compatible. CAMERON You need a blood test.FERRIS I'll do it. (to Ferris) You've seen them. Am I right? . you could produce a pinhead. FERRIS Tomorrow? CAMERON If you get a blood test today. CAMERON They're married and they hate each other. if you will. Cameron suddenly adds his two cents. CAMERON I'll give you two. My mother and father. Ferris looks around at him. give me a good reason why not. why not? Think about it. you can't get married today. Ferris and Sloane look at him curiously. babe. SLOANE I'm not getting married. FERRIS Why not? SLOANE What do you mean. CAMERON I'm with you. FERRIS So? CAMERON So.

Are yours divorced? CAMERON They may as well be.. SLOANE Consider this. It's like the car.. He hates his wife. CAMERON Just because it happens doesn't make it right. I thought so. SLOANE Do you think they're staying together because of you? Cameron hasn't seen it that way. SLOANE My parents are divorced. That's natural.FERRIS You're father's a toad and your Mom's always wired out. Sure.my father canned me and my brother and my Mom for a twenty five year old dipso with fake tits. He shrugs. SLOANE Do they like you? It hasn't occured to Cameron that his parents might not like him. CAMERON It makes me puke. but so what? They're old. He loves the car. Everything was cool at our house. So what? It's not like it doesn't happen ten thousand times a day. We all thought so. FERRIS (to CAMERA) This is all news to me. When I have a kid. I've tried. CAMERON Yeah. Are you comfortable with it? SLOANE No. SLOANE (to Cameron) It was pure selfishness. She keeps a pretty good secret. That parental love might not be a given. It's not something I can get comfortable with. Seeing people treat each other like that. Then BLAM! It's over. He dropped us like a rock. I don't care how much I want .

CAMERON I'd rather not have my family break apart. It's out of your hands. When you split from them. forget it. FERRIS Frightening choice of words. She's taken.something. crusty old shits wish they had some. Adults think it's cute. CAMERON So. you call the shots. deep down. SLOANE What? FERRIS Let's go feed Cameron. you know what? It ain't up to you. I'm gonna try to prevent it. (points to Sloane) Sorry. it's like a charming quick that infests youth. SLOANE Yeah. FERRIS (to CAMERA) She's not lying. FERRIS This is optomism. too. But it's a cool thing and I think. you're saying I should run away? FERRIS No. I in other words. if it's gonna screw-up the kid. They wish they had her. thank you. . But I'm gonna try not to. It's a common trait with my age group. I should just sit back and watch it crumble? SLOANE You're merely an inhabitant in their universe. She's saying it's time for lunch. I'm gonna think about it. CAMERON So. SLOANE They call the shots. SLOANE Well. CAMERON You could change.

ANNOUNCER Commodity prices rose sharply today in unusually heavy trading. FERRIS Is there a problem? MAITRE'D You're Abe Frohman? FERRIS I'm Abe Frohman. He ignores her. It's noon. If you have trouble finding the door. Sloane tugs Ferris' sleeve. He yells at the top of his voice.. MAITRE'D (chuckles) I'm sorry. 120 119 . 118 INT. He cups his hands to his mouth. son. INT. I'm Abe Frohman. 120 INT. Party of three for 12:00. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING FLOOR 118 It explodes with activity in response to Ferris' shout. RESTAURANT The maitre'd returns. HIS POV His fingers runs down to a party of three for 12:00. Ferris is looking at the maitre 'd's reservations book. Sloane and Cameron are standing in the restaurant.. 119 EXT. FERRIS BUY! And he exits.. The maitre'd looks at Ferris curiously. RESTAURANT A French restaurant on the Gold Coast. Ferris hangs back a moment. We HEAR A RADIO ANNOUNCER. Cool and casual. MAITRE'D (to Ferris) May I help you? FERRIS Yes. I'm very busy right now.They stand up and head out.. RESTAURANT Ferris.

We're gonna get busted. . (grabs the phone) ... He hands the phone to Sloane. Better yet. PHONE Ferris punches out a number. Go ahead. INT. let's split.FERRIS Are you suggesting that I'm not who I say I am? MAITRE'D Shall I call the police? CAMERON Let's go. FERRIS Ask for Abe Frohman. RESTAURANT The maitre'd motions for the phone so that he can answer the call.I'll call myself. Cameron chokes. RESTAURANT. FERRIS I'm not going anywhere. The maitre'd backs off. The maitre'd smiles smuggly.. CU. INT. FERRIS Not a chance in the world.. Find it. The maitre'd is hovering over Ferris. CAMERON Ferris. MAITRE'D I appreciate your understanding. FERRIS You touch me and I yell "rat!" There's another phone around here. please? SLOANE Cameron's right. Sloane grits her teeth.. Sloane and Cameron are seated in the restaurant. (to the Maitre'd) Call the police. A beat and the restaurant's second line lights up and the phone rings. LATER Ferris. Ferris waves him off angrily..Abe.

Ferris smiles. babe. Sloane is impressed. She's talking to a FRIEND. FRIEND Why? What's the point? JEANIE Why? Because I'm sick of the little dope. JEANIE (mean. Ferris disappears behind his menu. SLOANE Oh. Shame on you. The maitre'd backs away.FERRIS Don't grovel. FERRIS Thank you. Charles. vicious) I'm gonna bust his buns. you were wonderful. today I'm the hammer. MAITRE'D Enjoy your luncheon. FERRIS Darling. he does whatever he wants. The straps rip off in her hand. (wicked pause) Well. 122 121 . FERRIS And you thought we wouldn't have any fun. GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM Jeanie's sitting on a bench in a field hockey uniform. Just leave us to our repast and all will be forgotten. dear friend? Cameron looks to Ferris. whenever he wants and he never gets nailed. SCHOOL We HEAR HALLWAY SOUNDS AND JEANIE. FERRIS Cameron. 121 EXT. He manipulates my parents. 122 INT. but I had a wonderful teacher. JEANIE (VO) Ferris Bueller's days are numbered. She yanks angrily on the velcro strap on her sneakers. Cameron is flushed with nerves.

does everything but verbally confirm. JEANIE Sweetie. He's not a wonderful person. I'm friendly and fair to all kinds of people. He's not charming. He's an ignorant mule and the sooner everybody in this school comes to that realization the better off we'll all be. JEANIE See? My brother strokes you. I'm polite. Just forget it. you sympathize with him. He's not nice. I study hard. JEANIE Rachel? Jeanie's friend shrugs. Ferris is not cute. it's an established fact that you have no taste. decent person should be and you know what? FRIEND Everybody thinks you're an asshole. She displays the velcro straps to her friend. JEANIE Rachel's a dirt bag.FRIEND I think he's cute. JEANIE Forget that everybody thinks I'm an . I work hard. Jeanie freezes with her next sentence pinned to her tongue. I'm considerate. I try to be everything a good. I get pissed off and this is what happens! Jeanie tosses the straps on the floor. JEANIE Excuse me? FRIEND I don't think you're an asshole. JEANIE Who does? Her friend smiles sheepishly. wags her head. Who else? FRIEND I don't know. Except morons. JEANIE Let me tell you something.

FRIEND Take a walk. Jeanie. FRIEND You really do have a problem. A fat fifty year old clod with B. JEANIE Am I acting like an asshole? FRIEND I didn't mean it that way. JEANIE Oh. Her friend exits.O. JEANIE Would everybody be happier if maybe I were to die in a flaming car accident or something? FRIEND Maybe if you didn't cat like and asshole. I have my period! MY BODY'S RIDDING ITSELF OF OLD EGGS.. Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief. hey. GODDAMN IT! . likes me. Rooney likes you. JEANIE Me? I have a problem? FRIEND Somebody who threatens to sock people's tits has a problem.asshole? Would you like everybody to think you're an asshole? FRIEND Not everybody thinks you're an asshole. That's exciting.. How about if I sock your face? Jeanie's friend gets up. Jeanie. JEANIE (yells after her) If it means anything to you. Mr. JEANIE I this a conspiracy to shit all over me or something? Is my brother behind this? Tell me if he is or I'll sock your tits. JEANIE Alright.

FERRIS Cameron's home life is really shit. It teaches him to deal with his fear. That's why he's sick all the time. It's scary. He looks down at the urinal. (continues) I used to think that my family was the only one that had weirdness in it. Then I met Cameron and I saw how his family functioned. It used to worry me. 123 INT. FERRIS She's a person who views life as an ordeal that must be endured. He crosses to 123 . He wasn't lying. FERRIS I wonder if everybody shoots at cigarette butts in urinals? Probably not many women. Basically. He gets so wadded-up. Another beat and Tom walks out of the stall. MEN'S ROOM. JEANIE He's gone. the family's pretty cool. We hold a beat. He's monkey meat. A toilet flushes.She snarls and slumps against the lockers. Cameron tightens up. I highly recommend picking one up. Plus. you couldn't pry his buns apart with a crowbar. He zips this trousers and steps away from the urinal. Is there anything worse than being at somebody's house when their parents are fighting? It's the absolute height of social discomfort. His parents fight all the time. FERRIS When they go after each other. Even when I'm there. I love driving it. The thing with taking his old man's car? It's good for him. What he said about his parents hating each other? I refuse to sleep over at his house. He's over. Her body is a transport vehicle for her anger. It really upsets him. He checks his hair in the mirror. He exists the men's room. and I must be honest here. CHEZ PAUL Ferris is standing at the urinal. I don't know where she gets this shit.

CAMERON What is it? SLOANE I don't know.the sink. CAMERON Really? FERRIS Superb. FERRIS What are you doing? Cameron looks at Ferris. FERRIS Splendid. He savors the taste. CAMERON What is this shit? FERRIS You got me. But it looks like it's already been eaten and digested. 124 . He takes a bite. FERRIS Good? Sloane and Cameron shrug. Ferris slides over to the table and drops into his seat. I don't speak French. FERRIS I think it's a land-based beefoid creature. He puts his napkin in his lap and smells his plate. Cameron and Sloane try theirs. 124 INT. They're staring at the plates. It's not bad. Ferris stops him. CAMERON I knew it was a mistake letting Ferris order for us. RESTAURANT Cameron and Sloane have been served their lunches. FERRIS Yo. They chew tentatively. Clouseau! The waiter stops and looks at Ferris indignantly. A WAITER passes.

FERRIS I have a growth on my brain that causes memory lapses.That secretes a thick. talking. knowing that he's spoiling the kids' meal. CU. FERRIS As in the gland that has important functions in digestion and metabolism? CU. please! 125 EXT. FERRIS . WAITER Sweetbreads. SLOANE AND CAMERON They stop chewing. WAITER He turns away as Sloane and Cameron spit out their food. huh. He looks to Cameron and Sloane. CU. Could you tell me what we ordered here? The waiter glances at the plates. CU. WAITER He nods broadly. And what might that be? WAITER Pancreas. colorless fluid containing digestive enzymes? The home of the world famous isles of Langerhans? CU. RESTAURANT Tom and his two GUESTS are standing at the curb. holds it a beat and gives a cue. They're holding their sweetbreads in their mouths. SLOANE AND CAMERON They look at each other. CU. FERRIS He watches Sloane and Cameron then glances at the waiter. He raises a finger.. FERRIS Check. FERRIS Uh.. FERRIS He continues his questioning. FERRIS He pats his mouth with his napkin. A 125 . CU.

FLOOR A class of kids walking along holding hands. FERRIS. Let's go. The door's open. for sure. In the B. MUSEUM. CAMERON We're gonna get nabbed. MUSEUM OR SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY The grand old Chicago museum. The Ferris hops the cab. Sloane and Cameron come out of the restaurant. STREET. INT. CAB Ferris slams the door. Ferris stops cold. EXT. Behind the backs of the men.cab is waiting.000 restaurants in the downtown area and I pick the one my father goes to. turns toward the restaurant. Sloane and Cameron. Only the meek get nabbed. INT. Sloane and Cameron slowly approach the cab. round incubator. CAB Tom and his party are still jawing at curbside.G.G. Among the second graders are Ferris. He turns to the cab. MUSEUM. now in the B. The bold survive. FERRIS 40. SLOANE. MUSIC COMES UP. 127 126 . They approach the cab. Ferris. 126 EXT. Ferris scoots Sloane into the cab. FERRIS No way. CAMERON They turns on cue at Tom. EXT. MUSEUM. holding hands looking like giant grade schoolers. Sloane. CU. INT. CAB DOOR HANDLE A man's hand reaches for the handle as the cab pulls away. 127 INT. Cameron dashes in. Ferris.. Cameron. DISPLAY CASE Baby chicks are hatching in a huge. OVERHEAD SHOT The main gallery is crowded with school kids. RESTAURANT Tom and his guests watch in bewilderment at their cab takes off. Sloane and Cameron turn slowly. Tom's back it to Ferris.

INDUSTRIAL DISPLAY Sloane operates a metal press to produce a tin ashtray. INT.Ferris and Cameron are intently watching the process. MUSEUM. HIGH SHOT From the Merchandise Mart. CU. Ferris and Cameron ride in the coal train in the coal mine replica. HEART REPLICA A giant. Ferris is lost in thought. FERRIS. The MUSIC ENDS. looking down the fetid. CAMERON Sloane wants to cry. INT. it's a beautiful day. MUSEUM. feigning a massive heart attack. PROPELLER For the first time in forty years. The ninth month. Ferris and Sloane are making out. Cameron's stomach is in his throat. CU. LONG. SLOANE (remorsefully) I wonder if he has a name? FERRIS (blank) Ninth Month. HUMAN FETUS IN A BOTTLE The famous stages of life display which features bottled fetuses. SLOANE. walk-thru replica of a human heart. CU. INT. CAMERON (VO) Are you guys worried about nuclear war? FERRIS (VO) Cameron. COAL MINE Sloane. Ferris staggers out of it. the screw turns. A boat is rolling up the man-made canyon. we've won our freedom. INT. He checks to see if he's being watched then he presses a button and pulls a lever. 128 EXT. CHICAGO RIVER. green swath of water. clutching his heart. MUSEUM. we're traveling down one of American's most scenic polluted waterways and you have to bring up nuclear war? SLOANE (VO) 128 . A tiny human being in a jar. GERMAN U-BOAT Ferris is examining the controls of the captured U-Boat.

EXT. CAMERON (VO) Regardless. CAMERON (VO) (dramatic. SLOANE (VO) Don't you think it's an issue because people need something to worry about? They have to like.. They used to have the oil crisis stuff and Iran. The boat makes the turn in the river and CLEARS FRAME. Everybody's dead. however. SLOANE (VO) Yeah. SLOANE My step-father's always going off about how when he was young he was committed to all these causes.No. SLOANE (VO) To answer your question.It is kind of raggy subject. It's with us every day. it's real cold and the skiing's for shit. Their feet are up on the railing. very relaxed. Discussing the end of the world. you know.. FERRIS (VO) We don't know when the bombs going off. We do know. . that college starts in the fall. That's over and people have to have their big issue. I'm not worried about it at all. BOAT DOCK The three are sitting on the aft deck of the tour boat. Very casual. FERRIS They used to have Viet Nam. have some major problem that puts all their little bullshit into some kind of persepective? CAMERON (VO) Maybe. deadly serious) Do you know what a nuclear winter is? Long beat. FERRIS He's full of shit. All the old hippies are full of shit. It's not like somebody came up with the nuclear holocaust yesterday at noon. The possiblity of global destruction. Cam.

FERRIS One of the most frightening experiences of my young life has been observing my parents and our neighbors playing the Baby Boom Edition of Trivial Pursuits. CAMERON What's spooky is they still control everything. CAMERON It's human nature to like what you had better than what you have. fatty meats and money. Cameron looks over the side of the boat. this is all very interesting but I'm starving. . It's chilling to see people crazed with the minutia of their past. FERRIS An hour ago you wanted to yack. They took over when they were young and they never gave it up. CAMERON You know. LOUDSPEAKER. SLOANE Agreed.. FERRIS I rest my case. An obtuse thought flashes through Sloane's brain. CAMERON I feel better now. LOUDSPEAKER TO YOUR LEFT IT THE WORLD'S TALLEST BUILDING. FERRIS What's he care about now? SLOANE Baldness. CAMERON The Sears Tower. The three look to the left.SLOANE He says I don't care about things like he did. FERRIS. SLOANE.. A loud speaker on the boat identifies a point of interest. FERRIS Lean over and grab a fish.

Jeanie walks in. 129 EXT.. Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his bile-green LeBaron. Slide across to the sidewalk. CU. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE Rooney's secretary is behind her desk. FIRE HYDRANT . CU. 130 INT. SECRETARY Hello. he's out...and it'll continue to piss me off and I'll get so wadded-up that it'll cause cervex cancer and he'll ruin my life. When's he back? SECRETARY I don't know. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement. Rooney peels off his shades and looks around like he's Dirty Harry. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE Jeanie is having a small moral debate with herself. STREET.. She slips into the Dean's outer office. Screw him. 132 EXT. In his mind he is Dirty Harry. Who's bothering you now? Jeanie scowls at her.but it's for his own good.. The secretary looks up and greets her with a weary smile. 131 INT. Can I help you? JEANIE (condescending) I seriously doubt it. CURB 132 131 130 129 A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops. Jeanie.SLOANE What comes after a nuclear winter? FERRIS Nuclear spring. JEANIE It's reprehensible to squeal on your own flesh and blood. SCHOOL Meanwhile. His cavalier attitude will get him into trouble later in life.. JEANIE Is Dean Rooney in? SECRETARY I'm sorry. He left the grounds on personal business.

EXT. pointing it directly in Rooney's face.Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. ROONEY He squints CU. He ties his lace and pulls up his sock. CU. suburban businessmen. secretaries. CU. It's loud and confusing. ROONEY The blood evacuates his face. CU. CU. HOT DOG STAND It's jammed with construction workers. ROONEY (OC) I've been waiting a long time for this. HIS POV A young person is playing a video game in a far corner. He stares at the girl. It look sort of like Ferris. she draws it out of the cup. The player turns around. CU. She puts the straw to her lips and sucks. STREET Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy hot dog joint. He smiles and cuts into the crowd. Rooney pushes his way in and scopes the crowd. He can't think of anything to say. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD MOVE IN on the player. CU. CU. She raises it. It's a GIRL. She picks up her Coke. GIRL 133 . 133 INT. ROONEY He suspects it's Ferris. ROONEY (OC) Your ass is mine. GIRL Holding the straw in the mouth. ROONEY He's still staring. GIRL She stares at him. The player looks up.

STANDS Ferris sits down with the baseball.She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face. SLOANE You got a call. FERRIS I think I broke my thumb. She looks at them with disgust. SERVICE COUNTER Rooney wipes his face. you broke your thumb. SLOANE Can we leave now? FERRIS You want to leave? We just got here. Rooney wipes his suit off. He does a little celebration dance. ROONEY What's the score? HOT DOG MAN Zero to zero. He shakes his stinging paw. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. puts his hands behind his head and turns his face to the bright sun. 134 EXT. WRIGLEY FIELD. what's left to do? Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. HOT DOG STAND. Rooney glances at the screen. It's Ferris. Rooney nods and exits. SLOANE No wonder you're always sick. Cameron's scarfing nachos. 134 . Rooney wads up the napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. A kid makes a stab at the ball. INT. Behind him is the kitchen and a grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game. The TV camera returns to the game. NAPKIN HOLDER A hand yanks a napkin hold. The TV camera follows the ball into the stands. CU. The TV camera zooms in on the boy triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. ROONEY Who's winning? HOT DOG MAN Cubs. There's a long foul ball. Ferris leans back.

. SLOANE AND CAMERON They're watching Ferris go by. I'm gonna get you. EXT. HIGH SCHOOL. Figure skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines on pavement. They wave to him. (pause) Ferris? You're overshadowed me long enough. CAMERON Stop.. Marching bands. She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot.. She sneaks a glance at the school. 137 EXT. STATE STREET.want. SLOANE Do you believe in reincarnation? CAMERON Huh? . He's leading the girls in singing. buddy. Cameron breaks a smile. right now I'd be in gym? 135 EXT. "DANKE SHOEN". STATE STREET 137 136 135 A parade is underway. Floats and politicians. CAMERON It's hard not to. PLAYING FIELD A boy's gym class is doing laps. It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY. school kids. soldiers. STATE STREET. JEANIE I can't believe my brother's making me put myself in a position where I could get expelled.water. FLOAT Riding atop on a float is Ferris.FERRIS Do you realize that if I played by the rules. He's waving to the crowd.. EXT. As worried as he is about the day and getting caught. SLOANE I love him. He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens.. drum and bugle corps. FIAT Jeanie's at the wheel. A blue Fiat pulls into the shot. Selfish little moron.. he has to admire Ferris for his lack of inhabitions. 136 INT. Cameron mumbles a few words.

CAMERON Hannibal. SLOANE I think if he was anybody. FERRIS Guten tag. he was Magellan. The guy who rode the elephants into Switzerland. EXT. I know. . SLOANE DO you ever wonder what you were? CAMERON I don't have to wonder. SLOANE From the A-Team? CAMERON No. CAMERON What were you in a previous life? SLOANE I'm not sure but I think I know who Ferris was. They step out of the crowd and head down the street in the direction the parade's heading. STATE STREET. the guy who went around the world.SLOANE Do you believe that you lived before? CAMERON Yeah. shaking hands with people in the crowd. Sloane looks at him with amazement. FLOAT Ferris is on his knees. CAMERON I was a tractor tire. dude! EXT. Sort of. You know. STATE STREET Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation. Cameron nods. reaching down from the float. SLOANE I could see him ignoring popular belief and taking off on some impossible mission. Sloane laughs at herself.

CAMERON I don't know what I'm gonna do. School. SLOANE The future's worse for a boy. Ferris can do anything. but it's an option. I can't handle anything. There's nothing he can't handle. EXT. isn't it? Cameron doesn't understand what she means. parents. but to do what? . SLOANE A girl can always bail out and have a baby and get some guy to support her. FERRIS WELL. SLOANE College. SLOANE True. COME ON. the future. STREET. BABY FERRIS TWIST AND SHOUT! GIRLS TWIST AND SHOUT! FERRIS COME ON. CAMERON That's a pretty grim thought. everything works for him. COME ON. SHAKE IT UP. As long as I've known him. SLOANE AND CAMERON They continue their conversation. BABY ON! COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT! GIRLS WORK IT ON OUT! EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian.CAMERON Yeah. CAMERON Yeah. The girls on the float are singing. BABY. NOW! GIRLS SHAKE IT UP. No options is worse.

STREET. TEENAGER COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT. MARCHING BAND They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT. We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT" GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER. STATE STREET. PUNKS LOOK SO GOOD! EXT. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER He singing along. CHOIR GROUP . The sons is taking over all the other tunes in the band. NEWSPAPER SELLER TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT. It's infecting the entire parade. STREET. BLACK TEENAGER He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat. CAMERON What do you think Ferris is gonna do? EXT. STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along.SLOANE What are you interested in? CAMERON Nothing. STREET. WOMAN YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE! TODDLERS LOOK SO FINE! EXT. EXT. They walk on for a few beats. SLOANE Me either. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER He's singing. STREET. PUNKS A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk. STREET. POLICE OFFICER YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD! EXT.

CALUMET CITY The Port of Chicago. 138 . STREET.They're marching down the parade. SLO-MO. DECK The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT". 138 EXT. STREET. gritty waterfront. FLOAT Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale. The Starship Ferrari. VETERANS AH! EXT. STREET. CHOIR AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND The CLERGYMEN stand. STREET CLEANERS With their brooms ready. VIEWING STAND The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up. They're singing in their angleic voices. PARADE AHHHHH! The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE. VETERANS Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms.. FERRIS AH! EXT. EXT. Like the opening shot in Star Wars. Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. Grim. CLERGYMEN AH! EXT. STREET. STREET. STREET.. STREET CLEANERS KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! EXT. POLITICIANS AND WIVES AH! EXT. WIDE AND HIGH The entire parade is at frenzy pitch. Suddenly.

SLO-MO. Maniac at the wheel. 139 CU. He looks at the house. CU. EXT. CAR GRILLE It fills the frame and stops. EXT. HOUSE. looks up and down the street. tongue out. KIDS They're looking up in the air. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney behind the wheel of his car. then crosses to Ferris' house. excited smiles. CASSETTE PLAYER It clicks on. COMPUTER It acknowledges the doorbell. PARKING ATTENDANT His eyes are wide with exhilaration. SLO-MO. FRONT PORCH The house intercom activates. RASTAMAN His eyes are closed. FERRIS' ROOM. FERRIS' HOUSE Rooney gets out of his car. Mouth open. ROONEY This is Ed Rooney. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE. Broad. HOUSE. The car's shadow passes over them. FERRIS Who is it? Rooney presses the intercom. FOYER Rooney's at the front door. HOUSE. SLO-MO.CU. Big smile. STREETS. Ferris. SLO-MO. CU. CU. 142 EXT. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. The doorbell rings. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition. 141 INT. I could take a nasty spill down the 142 141 140 139 . 140 INT. I'd like to have a word with you. We see him peek in a window at the top of the door. following the car as it flies over them. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky.

But's it's highly suspicious. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside. Thank you for stopping by. FERRIS' VOICE You can reach my parents at their places of business. FERRIS' VOICE You may reach my parents at their places of business. FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording. 144 INT. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition.stairs and subject myself to further school absenses. There's no response. Rooney presses the intercom again. There's a pause. Rooney leans back from the door. ROONEY Don't get smart with me Ferris! FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. He can't quite figure out what's going on. LIVING ROOM Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows. 144 143 ..S. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day. His voice clicks off. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. It will be remembered long after this illness has past. Ferris. ROONEY I'm not leaving. KITCHEN Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window. ROONEY B. Rooney rings the doorbell again. ROONEY I'm not leaving until you come down and talk to me. HOUSE. Come down here. 143 INT. Rooney presses the intercom again. HOUSE.. The pre-recorded litany starts over. Rooney presses the intercom.

nearly deserted strip joint. FERRIS AND SLOANE They're sitting in a booth in the garish. FERRIS She's probably schizophrenic. The type that allows a dog to come and go as it pleases. ROONEY He's peaking through the door. this is nauseating me. one goes the other. EXT. His face freezes. Cameron's mouth is open in amazement. HIS POV Along the kitchen floor. I'm losing respect for you by the bucket. for Christ's sake.FERRIS' VOICE I appreciate your conern for my well-being. into the dining room. SLOANE Ferris. I'm talking about 146 145 . DOGGIE DOOR A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of gnashing teeth and foam. It will be remembered long after. HOUSE. LARGE BREASTS Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers. He hears the dog.. Rooney is crouched down. Really. 145 EXT. FERRIS You don't think it's amazing that we got in? SLOANE Who wants to get in? FERRIS Cameron looks like a toddler. HOUSE. CAMERON How does she do that? One goes one way. CU. We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL. CU. Sloane is embarrassed and revolted. Through the kitchen.. FERRIS Have a nice day. CAMERON. 146 CU. BACKDOOR A black rubber doggie door. He lifts the doggie door and peeks in the house.

with you as my sweetheart. FERRIS Point well taken. I feel it. Ferris stands up from the booth. A parent. you lies when you said you loved me and I had no cause to doubt you. (to CAMERA) This kind of thing makes me a little depressed. A lover.a major achievement in false identification. You seemed to change. You read your lines so cleverly and never missed a cue. But I'd rather go on hearing your lies than to go on living without you. FERRIS Maybe her life fell apart. Now. He climbs up on the little runway. You acted strange. A sappy. And we feel it. FERRIS You know. Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness. Act one was when we met. we worry about lonliness. Why she does it and you don't. A boyfriend. And why. The club lights go down. And SAT scores and acne aside.. FERRIS Honey. I think alot of people my age are. I loved you at first glance. But that's not true. SLOANE I'm not interested in watching someone jiggle their mammary glands. the stage is bare and I'm standing there with emptiness all around and if you won't . SLOANE I'm not a tramp. He flips his collar up. someone said the world's a stage and each must play a part. We think about love and matters of the heart. do-wop track FADES UP. Fate had me playing in love. He strolls slowly through the empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of blue light. A child. I'm a romantic. But consider why she does it. That sex is all I think about. You may think because I'm the age I am that I'm a sex maniac. It's a terrible thing. The stripper disappears in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight. Maybe she lost somebody. curls his lip and affects an Elvis impression.. I've never known. Then came act two.

Her mouth's open.. She's staring incredulously into the distance. Elvis fades up. ATTENDANT You looking for something in my car? CU. 147 EXT. 150 INT.. CAMERON'S FATHER He shakes his head. dramatic florish that was the King's trademark ballad sign-off. . He freezes.come back to me. JEANIE She's furious. ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? Ferris drops his head. HER POV Spray-painted on the town water tower in gigantic black letters -.SAVE FERRIS BUELLER. JEANIE I'm gonna microwave his nuts. no. JEANIE Jeanie's standing at her car. She's shaking her head slowly. CU. The orignal recording. ELVIS IS YOUR HEART FILLED WITH PAIN? SHALL I COME BACK AGAIN? TELL ME DEAR. 148 EXT. MICHIGAN AVENUE Afternoon traffic. It leans into the open car and see if the contents will confirm looks up slowly. He's studying it. TAXI CAB 150 149 148 147 at the car. CAMERON'S FATHER No. FERRIS' TOWN. then they can bring the curtain down. Ferris lip synchs with the big. They're holding bags of fried chicken. DOWNTOWN STREET. 149 EXT. He HIS POV The Attendant and the Rastaman are glowering at him.. He reaches for the glovebox to if it's his. Like the King would. CAMERON'S CAR Cameron's father is looking looks terribly familiar..

how long have you been in America? DRIVER One year. SLOANE Jump back. Cameron on the other. Yuri. FERRIS Clearly you've never been to an American high school. Ferris. Ferris is talking to the DRIVER. seventy five dollars . Sloane and Cameron in the backseat of a checker. I know you don't care. He puts his arm around Sloane. Ferris sits back. FERRIS What's your overall impression? DRIVER It's very good here. Ferris. He leans forward and reads the driver's name off the city license. what'd you see today? Cameron looks at him.Ferris. a submarine. FERRIS Cameron. Cameron.. but it means my ass. CAMERON It's getting late. Cameron's been a good sport. FERRIS That hurts. FERRIS Better than Russia? DRIVER Much better here than in Russia. FERRIS You think I don't care? CAMERON I know you don't care.. Sloane's in the middle. I have to get the car home. a giant heart. FERRIS So. Ferris is on one window. FERRIS So. FERRIS You saw four states.

Looks up. CAB.. He's about a foot from Ferris. He pauses. FERRIS (to Sloane) What's he doing? SLOANE (revolted) He's looking at me and he's licking the glass and making obscene gestures with his hands. with their backs to the back of the front seat. Turns back to CAMERA. In that cab is Tom. Fakes a yawn. feet up on the seat. He's frozen. INT. He turns and looks right into CAMERA. FERRIS What?! Sloane bursts out laughing.. She makes a . She's wearing sunglasses. Cameron and Ferris are on the floor. TOM'S POV Ferris' frozen face. He freezes. She turns and glances out the window. their cab is squeezed tight alongside another cab. Thinks. He looks away. SLOANE Roast! She licks her finger and touches Ferris knee. Ferris realizes he's looking at something out the window. He turns. (quizical look) Are you gonna chuck your nachos? Cameron's staring past Ferris. FLOOR. major league baseball and. He's baffled. HIS POV In the gridlock traffic. FERRIS' POV Tom glances back at his paper. TOM'S POV Sloane is sitting where Ferris was. On their asses. looking bored. HER POV Tom stares at her. two of the most incredible breasts ever to come out of modern plastics.worth of cooked pancreas.

. The delivery man hops up on the steps. CAMERON Money. BACKYARD. FERRIS' HOUSE. We see on the back of the paper a small story with the headline: COMMUNITY RALLIES AROUND SICK YOUTH. mumbling again. He's hustling through the crowd. ROONEY That's a $28. 154 153 152 151 . EXT.tits. 154 EXT.. TOM He can't quite figure out what's going on. HIS POV Sloane's bouncing up and down. CITY STREET Ferris is leading the way down Michigan Avenue. He greets Rooney cheerily. He's looking in at the dog. He has Sloane by the hand. He keeps bumping into people. HOUSE. His hair's messed and there're grass-stains on his knees and elbows. His suit pants are torn from the crotch to the knee. He heads up to the house. His suit coat pocket is torn off..please. She collapes on the seat in hysterics. INT. Rooney looks up at him. CU. 151 EXT.. BACKYARD. She's jogging to keep up.sizzling sound. Cameron follows. Tearing it apart. you worthless mutt! HIS POV The Rottweiler leaps at CAMERA. TOM'S CAB Tom's looking into Ferris' cab... 153 EXT. He's missing a shoe. DOG The Rottweiler's chewing on a shoe. ROONEY He's standing outside the fence. He turns and slowly raises his newspaper over his face. A DELIVERY MAN gets out iwth a huge floral arrangement. Ferris and Sloane make the turn at Wacker Driver and disappear into the Stone Container Building. PORCH Rooney's sitting on the porch patting a bloody knee with his handkerchief. FRONT A florist truck pulls up in front of the house. 152 EXT.00 dress shoe. Cameron's a few steps behind. HOUSE.

Thank you for stopping by... A beat and we hear Ferris' recording. DELIVERY MAN Focus on Flowers. I appreciate your concern for my wellbeing. It will be remembered long after this illness has passed... ROONEY What? FERRIS' VOICE . FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? The Deliver Man presses the intercom.. I have a delivery. DELIVERY MAN . But my boss had to send to Milwaukee to get more orchids. ROONEY It's a recording. (pause) You can reach my parents at their places of business. DELIVERY MAN What's your problem? ROONEY He's one of my students. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day.. (continues) I don't know the details. He's very popular. asshole. DELIVERY MAN Nobody's home here? ROONEY No. DELIVERY MAN Little bugger's dying. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry but I can't come to the door right now.DELIVERY MAN Howdy! He presses the doorbell. DELIVERY MAN (to the intercom) Thank you. I'm very ill and I'm afraid. DELIVERY MAN As I heard it from our mailman he was supposedly born with only half a kidney.that in my weakened condition. I could take a nasty spill and subject myself to further school absenses. Rooney is flabbergasted.

DELIVERY MAN Gotta run. DELIVERY MAN (happy sigh) It really touches me that so many people are rallying behind this guy. STUDIO.. FACULTY AND STAFF 155 INT. 157 EXT. Then he looks at the Delivery Man. Rooney looks incredulously at the arrangement... We hear her car radio. FERRIS He put his headphones on.J. D. D.J.. FERRIS 157 156 155 . He hands the arrangement to Rooney. Christ. is sitting behind his microphone. (pause) I have a guest with me today. RADIO STATION STUDIO The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D. ROONEY (defeated) Oh. I don't know who that was or what they were playing but I apologize for it nonetheless. His name is Ferris Mueller. DELIVERY MAN You wanna keep an eye on these? Rooney looks at the flowers. FERRIS' HOUSE Jeanie's car pull in the driveway.J. 156 INT. I guess there's hope for the human race afterall.You gonna be around for awhile? ROONEY I imagine so. He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck. He opens the attached card. CARD It's signed: ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY THE ENGLISH DEPT. CU.

speaks into the mike.I'm the first Chicago area youth 159 158 . FERRIS It's cool.Bueller. FERRIS I'm going to tell a massive lie here. affects a "radio" voice) Well. Steve.. D. Unlike television which provides the images.J. STUDIO Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone. JEANIE She goes into shock. SCHOOL A group of kids are sitting around a blaster. This is a 50. I'm going out to several million people so let me just say. It's going to by very thick and very steamy. Her eyes blink.. 158 INT. FERRIS' VOICE . D.. (clears his voice. you and your listeners are probably not going to believe this but. Anyway. Ferris turns to CAMERA. CU. He has an incredible story.. Ferris Bueller. (pause) You know this. Sorry about that. it's always been a dream of mine to be on the radio. Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio.. I have what I consider to be an excellent broadcast voice. 159 INT. CAR. But I've never had the chance to sit behind a microphone and try it out for real. radio. I think radio's a facinating medium. I used to play records and do introductions to them. I'm in a very pleasant groove right now. I practise it in the bathroom all the time.J. it challenges the imagination. CAR ANTENNA The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in the air.000 watt outlet. her head cocks. INT..

Heller's home number but is cost too much. like I was told. lit up a 'boro and Mrs. car and spaced completely. that I got in the driver's ed. It was weird. 162 EXT. HALLWAY A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster. I was so pissed off at her reaction to the whole thing that I considered running an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna use Mrs. car. FERRIS' HOUSE. FERRIS HOUSE. The car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and I think Rooney pocketed the cash. SCHOOL. BACKYARD. They're cheering him on. The broken pieces are all around the dog's head. pulled out of the lot.J. The flower arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog. BACKYARD 162 161 160 The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn. Anyway. EXT. shape or from my fault. But I can't prove it? I'm in high school. 161 INT. After I got flunked in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail box. ROONEY . because I'm not allowed to smoke at home. I was putting out a cigarette. which was not in any way.to be selected to participate in a space shuttle mission. 160 INT. But I had to work at Burger King to get the cash to pay for the driver's ed. I'm so used to getting in a car and lighting up. I took it again and passed. How did you get picked for this. remember? He turns back to the DJ. D. Heller looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny out of my nose or something and I realized what the hell I was doing and I went to put it out and hit the mail box. STUDIO Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA. FERRIS I was going to say I knew Springsteen's home phone number and I was going to give out the number of the New Jersey State Police but I thought I might get busted. FERRIS It's kind of a long story but I've been doing alot of programming for NASA.

ROONEY His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge. HOUSE. The yardstick flings the covers and the pillows beneath them in the air.. JEANIE I knew it! She grabs the phone and sits down. FRONT Rooney sneaks around the side of the house. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie kicks the door open. His head snaps around. 164 EXT. 163 INT. 167 INT. 165 INT.He's smiling with great satisfaction. HOUSE. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. 166 INT. She dials a number. JEANIE Is Mrs. He drops down and peek in the windows. He slinks up on the porch. She stomps in and turns off the snoring synthesizer. He looks around the foyer and heads into the kitchen. He's back and she's going to nail him. He hears something in the house. pooch. Bueller there? Where is she? This is her daughter. A smile spreads across her face. JEANIE The worm has luck like clams have body odor. HOUSE. CU. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs.. ROONEY Sleep tight. She's startled by a noise downstairs. He peeks in. The front door's open. FOYER Rooney sneaks into the house. 167 166 165 164 163 . Do you know where she is? Do you know when she'll be back? Do you know anything? She slams the phone down. HIS POV A glimpse of a fleeting figure.

you can really have something to be proud of. KITCHEN Rooney comes out of the den. INT. I'm pretty flattered. FOYER Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen. KITCHEN Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den. CAR Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house. FERRIS' VOICE My input on the Star Wars defense plan was pretty substantial so I guess this is their way of rewarding me. HOUSE. JOYCE If you're willing to commit a little time and a little money to this place. D. HOUSE. 173 . EXT. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an intruder. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in the face.J. 168 169 INT. 173 INT. She flees back up the stairs. EXT. KITCHEN 172 Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face. CAR Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to the radio. 169 170 INT. 170 171 INT. HOUSE. 171 172 INT. VOICE Can you stay around and take a few phone calls? FERRIS' VOICE I'd really like to but I have a kidney operation in about an hour. FOYER Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer. CAR Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the car. He hits the deck. CAR Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear. back into the kitchen.168 INT. Jeanie squeals in horror. He crosses back toward the foyer.

BOYD I knew he was bullshitting. how are you bearing up? The kid stares at her. Steve. She opens the car door. VOICE A very interesting guy. VOICE I wish you the best of luck. JOYCE Did I tell you I have a son your age? BOYD Twice. BOYD How do you watch your mouth? JOYCE Do you know my son? . Ferris Bueller. Joyce gets in. FERRIS' VOICE Thanks. I think you'd like him. A song starts.Don't let the black living room throw you off. D.J. Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name. JOYCE His name is Ferris. D. BOYD Is he going up in the space shuttle in September? Joyce looks around at Boyd. MOTHER Watch your mouth. INT. The clients get in the other side. JOYCE Not that I know of. Boyd. JOYCE (to the kid) Well. She gives him a curious look.J. CAR The door opens.

JEANIE'S VOICE I'd also like to add that I have my father's gun. JEANIE It's real nice that you hope my brother's feeling better but I'm in danger. If whoever's in the house is still in the house. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. JEANIE This is not a phoeny phone call. possibly armed. I'd like you to know that I have just called the police. There's another pause. He thinks it's cute to bait adults. KITCHEN Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel. There's an intruder. JEANIE'S VOICE Excuse me. If you have any brains whatsoever. certainly weird. And a scorching case of herpes. She's in a panic. you'll get your ass out of my house real quick. Rooney stiffens with fear. in our kitchen. STREET Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck. It's parked in front of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with parking citations. 176 EXT. The intercom goes on. 177 EXT.FATHER Don't pay any attention to him. I need help! 175 INT. male caucasian. okay? I'm very cute. I'm very alone and I'm very protective of my body. We HEAR TIRES 177 176 175 174 . BOYD I don't think it's cute. PARKING LOT The three are waiting for the Ferrari. Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car. In the distance SIRENS WAIL. 174 INT. I'd rather not have it violated or killed. (pause) My name is Bueller. I think it's fun. Jeanie's face drops.

SQUEALING. FERRIS This is probably the last time you'll have to ride back here. And back to the speedometer. FERRIS We have enough cash left for a quick flight to Peoria and back. CAMERON Very funny. DOWNTOWN STREET The Ferrari cruises through traffic. Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in. INT. Ferris is driving and Cameron is crammed in the back. SLOANE We could go to my house. what was your top speed coming down the ramp? BLACK GUY (matter-of-fact) About 60. CAMERON Nothing. FERRIS Cameron? How many miles did you say this thing had when we left? CAMERON 178 . My parents aren't coming home until late. FERRIS Stunning! He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the passenger seat forward for Cameron. We return the car. A BLACK GUY jumps out. then to the road. 178 EXT. Then the Ferrari pulls down the ramp and jams to a frightening stop. AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. SLOANE What's next. FERRARI Sloane's in the passenger seat. FERRIS Just out of curiosity. Ferris hands him the parking stub. Keep that in mind. Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes. He glances down at the speedometer.

EXT. CU. We HEAR A THUNDERING. CU. CU. He's concerned. FERRIS (to CAMERA) Here's where Cameron goes berserk. CAMERON His eyes are frozen in a mindless. . He starts to breathe heavily. FERRIS He looks at Sloane. TRAFFIC The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. INT. EXT. Cameron. We'll fix it. SLOANE She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms. It's okay. SLOANE Cameron! Cut it out! What's wrong?! Ferris! CU.One hundred and twenty six and halfway between three and four tenths. SPEEDOMETER The odometer reads 432. He's trembling. Her gesture is one of genuine support. vacant stare. FERRIS He shoots Sloane a look. CU. FERRIS Hey. CAMERON He's still holding the stare. SLOANE You okay? CU. FERRARI Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron.7. EXPRESSWAY The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic. MUFFLED SCREAM. Why? How many miles are on it now? He glances down at the speedometer.

. The Ferris' tape is activated.. just shut-up. SLOANE Shut-up! It is a problem! For him it's a problem. HOUSE. Nothing's a problem for you. FRONT DOOR The door swings open.. FOYER The doorbell rings. But it's a problem for him! So. HER POV 180 179 .FERRIS Cameron. FERRIS Eyes front..you. FERRIS VOICE Who is it? We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom. 180 EXT. She whips it open. He knows what he's doing. She turns back to Cameron. She blinks her eyes. INT... JEANIE Thank. God! Thank you. Your old man won't know a thing. Her jaw goes slack. thank you! She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door. The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs. Cameron? CU. VOICE Anybody home? FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry that I can't come to the door right now. are you okay? It's no problem. really. FERRARI Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris. thank you. FERRIS' HOUSE. SLOANE What can I do. It's completely fixable. 179 INT. JEANIE I'm saved! Thank you.

Rooney takes a deep breath. KID Hey. GIRL She looks at Rooney and smiles. Rooney! What're you doing? Rooney doesn't respond. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET Rooney's walking down the street. A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps up on the porch. 182 INT. The door slams shut. myopic GIRL. She pushes her Coke bottle glasses up on her nose. The DRIVER calls out to him. CU. A school bus is crawling alongside him as kids hang out the windows. GIRL I'll bet you never smelled a real school bus before. GIRL She holds her smile.. ROONEY He looks vacantly at her. CU. 181 EXT. ANOTHER KID Did you get in a fight? Rooney keep walking. He stops.The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the door with floral arrangements. DRIVER You want a lift? Rooney takes a few more steps. 182 181 . He climbs aboard the bus. CU. From inside we hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON BLASTERS. The bus doors open. The bus stops. The passengers are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and take an empty seat next to a skinny.. A top forty montage. Spread all around them are more flowers. Mr. NURSE (sings) WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT WE. BUS The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES.

CU. The bus jerks forward and pulls away. Ferris WALKS INTO THE FOREGROUND. ROONEY He stares at her. ROONEY He looks across to the kid. GIRL She holds up a candy package. CU. GIRL Gummi Bear? CU. FRESHMAN BOY It's kind of like being in the belly of the beast isn't it? CU. The BLASTERS go back on. All I wanted to do . CU. He's always been a little keyed-up. He addresses CAMERA. PARK 184 183 Cameron's laying on a picnic table. FERRIS This may very well be for real. GIRL She puts one in her mouth. ROONEY He stares at her. They're real soft and warm. I think Cameron might have blown a micro-chip or two. GIRL They've been in pocket. BOY He leans forward. CU. 183 EXT. the SHOUTING RESUMES. She's stroking his hair. CU. Sloane's sitting beside him on the table. ROONEY He turns him eyes to the front. BOY A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring at him. 184 EXT.CU. BUS It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet street.

He's gonna marry the first girl he lays. CAMERON His eyes are closed. How do I deal with that? I was serious when I said I'd marry her. She still has another year of high school. As much as we like each other. Conventional wisdom would suggest a visit to the nearest trauma center. And basically that'll be it. He begins to walk. He'll work and I'll work. FERRIS I'm being tested here.was give him a good day. We're gonna graduate in a couple of months. be-all of human existance. What do they call what they have? If that's love. FERRIS Sloane's a bigger problem. I'll take infatuation. personally. We follow him. FERRIS My best friend has flipped-out. the process of growing up will separate us. Sloane's stroking his hair. CU. I wouldn't fault anybody for doing that. That's what my parents call it. She won't respect him because you can't respect someone who kisses your ass. SLOANE She's studying Cameron's face. At least no one's ever been in love with him. She looks away. And she's gonna treat him like shit because he's gonna kiss her ass for giving him what he's built-up in his mind as the end-all. FERRIS (VO) Cameron's never been in love. This isn't just teenage infatuation. It just doesn't work. And we'll see each other at night and on the weekends but then he'll go to one school and I'll go to another. . Then back to CAMERA. CU. SLOANE Ferris? CU. He starts back to the picnic table. My. FERRIS He looks to the picnic table. I would. Then we have the summer.

I think this calls for something new, something bold, something wet and wild. 185 CU. JACUZZI JET UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles. CU. BLASTER A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES UP. CU. BEER CAN LID The finger pops a beer. CU. OREO PACKAGE A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper. INT. JACUZZI Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer. Sloane's eating Oreos. FERRIS You feeling any better, Cameron? SLOANE The water's really nice. I wish you'd come in. CU. CAMERON Staring into space. CAMERON Surgery...fire...move... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers her his beer. FERRIS Cameron? Do you think this because of the car or is it a combination of everything shitty in your life? CU. CAMERON He doesn't respond. CAMERON Music...kiss...attack... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS 185

Sloane sips the beer. FERRIS You just can't deal with anymore shit? The car took you into the red zone? Time for a reality check? SLOANE Cameron? I could flip real easy, too. There's nothing wrong with it. At one time or another, everybody goes to the zoo. FERRIS Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe he wasn't bullshitting himself. CU. CAMERON No response. CAMERON Gesundheit...God...mercy... EXT. BACKYARD Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend. CU. CAMERON He smiles. CU. SLOANE She leans forward and stares at Cameron. CU. FERRIS He cocks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to. CU. CAMERON He keels over forward. EXT. BACKYARD Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down, face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for him. UNDERWATER Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water. UNDERWATER

Ferris grabs Cameron's collar and rips him out of the water. EXT. BACKYARD Ferris sits Cameron on the edge of the Jacuzzi. FERRIS CAMERON! CU. CAMERON His eyes are closed. He's lifeless. CU. FERRIS His face is a mask of terror. He shakes Cameron. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. CU. CAMERON A smile spreads across his face. CU. FERRIS He sees the smile. He stops shaking Cameron. EXT. JACUZZI Ferris and Cameron are looking at each other. Sloane's still screaming. She realizes that Cameron's okay. She stops screaming. SLOANE What? FERRIS (Cameron) You asshole! Cameron's smiling. SLOANE What? Ferris starts to laugh. Cameron explodes with laughter. Sloane's bewildered. SLOANE What's so funny? 186 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 186

Jeanie's sitting on a wooden bench with a WASTED TEENAGE BOY in a Triumph t-shirt, long hair, torn jeans, creepers, studs and chains. He's studying her. BOY Drugs?

He understands the emotion. I'm straight. JEANIE I don't know why I'm here. are you here for drugs? Jeanie stares at him. I've got the troubles. JEANIE Blow yourself. not yet. If you've got the time. The boy nods. Did you shoot him or something? JEANIE No. I'm serious. Jeanie looks back at him. BOY Then why don't you go home? JEANIE Why don't you put your thumb up your butt? The boy stares at her. JEANIE Why are you here? BOY Drugs.JEANIE No. The boy crosses his legs. In a nutshell. Jeanie turns away. . thank you. BOY You want to talk about your problem? JEANIE With you? Are you serious? BOY Yeah. JEANIE You really want to know what's wrong? The boy shrugs. JEANIE Alright. I hate my brother. BOY I meant. How's that? BOY That's cool.

JEANIE I'd get caught. Jeanie stares at him threateningly. BOY So. JEANIE Excuse me? BOY Excuse you. The boy nods knowingly. Partly because he's so bold and partly because he's so right. BOY What do you care if your brother ditches school? Jeanie stares at the boy. Jeanie stares angrily at him. BOY Then your problem is you. JEANIE Why should he get to ditch school when everybody else has to go? BOY You could ditch. BOY You know him? . JEANIE If you say Ferris Bueller. you're pissed at him because he ditches and doesn't get caught? JEANIE Basically. You oughta spend a little more time dealing with yourself and a little less time worrying about what your brother does. It's just an opinion.JEANIE I went home to confirm that the shithead was ditching school and a guy broke into the house and I called the cops and they picked me up for making a phoney phone call. BOY There's somebody you should talk to. you lose a testicle.

FERRIS Bathroom. Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage. CAMERON I've been thinking all day that if you could only have the use of one word. what would it be? FERRIS I can't believe you'd think up something like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi right in front of you. Sloane. The whole time things over. I I was thinking And I realized and difference goes to shit. The Ferrari is jacked up. meditating. CAMERON Thank you. JEANIE'S HAND It curls into a fist. CY. SLOANE Really. The wheels are turning. about the future. it doesn't make if the present 187 FERRIS I have a agree with you there. answer his question. INT. FERRARI TIRE It's spinning rapidly. Ferris. Cameron. 187 CU. CAMERON'S GARAGE Ferris. what would it be? FERRIS Sloane is naked before your eyes and you're thinking about words? SLOANE God bless you. holding it down.CU. . CAMERON I was just thinking was like. The engine's racing. SLOANE Come on. CAMERON If you guys only had one word. ACCELERATOR A brick's resting on the accelerator.

ODOMETER Nothing's happening. FERRIS Hellos' generic. FERRIS Hello. SLOANE You wanna be generic? CAMERON It's help. GARAGE Cameron pulls his head out of the car.SLOANE I'd say. CAMERON It's the only word you could ever use.. running it in reverse. CAMERON The miles aren't coming off. Ferris looks up. Ferris and Sloane think about it. She thinks. CAMERON Ferris? It's not working. It's a good choice. INT. Cameron peeks in the window. Cameron gets up and walks to the Ferrari.. Cameron smiles at his wisdom. CAMERON The word is help. . SLOANE Love. CU. FERRIS And what is you loathe somebody? Are you going to say "love" every time you see them? SLOANE It's better than "hello". FERRIS Cash.

He walks back around behind the Ferrari. CU. against my family. MERCEDES BUMPER Cameron's foot rests on the bumper. against myself. CU. CAMERON I got a better idea.000 . A $50. I'm gonna do it. I'm taking a stand. GARAGE Cameron has kicked the Ferrari off the jack. When my father comes home tonight. It's cool. INT. CU. Cameron shakes his head. CAMERON Seventeen years and I've never taken a stand. I'm taking a stand against my father. FERRIS He turns to CAMERA. He has made up his mind and it appears that it won't be changed by anyone but himself. SLOANE She smiles proudly at Cameron. he's finally going to have to deal with me. She applauds him. against my past. I will not sit idly by as events that affect me unfold to change the course of my life. CU. TIRE The spinning tires slam down on the cement. CU.FERRIS I thought that might be a problem. my present and my future. Now. CAMERON He's serious and determined. A beat and it gives a mighty shove. FERRIS This is a big U-2 fan. Let's crack open the odometer and roll it back by hand. It squeals out of the garage in a cloud of blue tire smoke. TIRES It's spinning wildly. Good or bad. I will take a stand and I will defend it. CU.

SLOANE AND FERRIS They're in shock. He's proud and bold. HOUSE The Ferrari shoots down the driveway. Then a look of bewilderment comes over his face. . A puzzled look. FERRIS You trashed the car. SLOANE Why? CAMERON I took a stand. CAMERON It's okay. Cameron looks across the street. Ferris and Sloane are bewildered. across the street. He shoots a look to Ferris. CU. INT. Cameron. Cameron thinks for a moment. TREE The Ferrari's brief journey ends as it smacks a tree trunk. Then he regains his confidence. INT. CU. Why'd you do that? Cameron holds his proud posture for a beat. THEIR POV The Ferrari travels down the driveway. They look at Cameron. GARAGE Ferris and Sloane exchange baffled looks. GARAGE Cameron watches the car go. FERRIS No. FERRIS What was that about? SLOANE This has to be a dream.unmanned investment heading backwards down a driveway. over the curb into the wooded property opposite the house. FERRIS Cameron? One quick question. He's strangely placcid about the impending disaster. You wrecked a car. EXT.

OFFICER For whatever reasons she did it. 188 INT. He shakes his head. SLOANE What about your one word? CAMERON You already did it. I hope you son's feeling better. 188 . OFFICE Joyce is talking with the juvenile officer. Joyce looks at the officer curiously. This is a shock to me. JOYCE Thank you. I can assure you that her father and I will have a long talk with her. The gathers her purse and jacket and stands. CAMERON I'm gonna handle it. Outside the office. Cameron looks at him. JOYCE She's never been in trouble before. I don't know why she'd call you with this story about a rapist.Ferris looks across the street at the car. CAMERON No. CAMERON It's cool. I want to deal with it by myself. I appreciate your calling me. If you're interested. thanks. I think she'd had a good scare. First. I don't know why she wasn't at school. I'm loose. He raises am impish eyebrow. we see Jeanie and the boy making out. FERRIS I have an idea. He smiles. FERRIS I think this could work. OFFICER Oh. POLICE STATION. on the bench. by the way. If I need it again. JOYCE I hope so. Second. I'll use it.

It was pretty cool. Jeanie reaches down for her purse. JOYCE Don't "hi" me. His old man had it coming. I think we can probably get it on pretty good. The boy adjusts his pants to better hide his passion. BOY For sure. I'd be worried if he'd 190 189 . young lady. JEANIE (to the boy) If you keep this to yourself. Jeanie stands up. Jeanie wipes her lips and sits up straight. SLOANE You think Cameron's gonna be alright? FERRIS Sure. POLICE STATION. JEANIE Hi. He'll be okay. What's yours? BOY Garth Volbeck. 189 INT. I guess. She's still a little bewildered that everybody knows Ferris was ill. He had to so it. all the guys at the station here are pulling for him.OFFICER Tell him. 190 EXT. SLOANE I had a great time today. BOY What's your name? JEANIE Jean. SLOANE'S BACKYARD Sloane and Ferris are standing at the back fence. WAITING ROOM Jeanie quickly breaks the embrace with the boy as Joyce steps out of the juvenile officer's room. FERRIS Yeah. Get your stuff.

He's approaching it from the side. A significant amount of cash. 193 CU. I'm just real loose. He jumps a plaster elf. ANOTHER BACKYARD 192 191 Ferris vaults a fence. SLOANE I LOVE YOU! She backs away from the fence. Sloane watches him go. CU. Sloane nods. Sloane smiles knowingly.33. She turns and runs into the house. does a flip and lands on the grass on the other side of the pool. Ferris jumps the fence and takes off across the backyards. MUSIC FADES UP. BACKYARD Ferris sprints across a backyard. springs off. He runs directly for a swimming pool. SLOANE He's gonna marry me.. BEDSPREAD Neatly bundles stacks of bills and rolled coins. FERRIS No.765. SLOANE She's writing. 191 EXT. ". I know it. He kisses her. FERRIS I'll call you tonight. CU.taken my idea. It gives us great pleasure to assist 193 . SLOANE You're so smart. A huge smile spreads across her face.in the amount of $1. He leaps.. 192 EXT. did you? FERRIS Not a glimmer. PIECE OF PAPER We see a portion of the typewritten letter as she signs it. hits the diving board. SLOANE You didn't have an idea.

He parks and gets out. The car pulls around him. He glances in the mirror. MIRROR We see Ferris cut across a front lawn and into a house. The key's gone. 195 INT.you in performance of your worthy and much needed survives to those so desperately in need. CU. The Woman looks up curiously. He does a take. FERRIS' STREET He's running down the middle of the street. An OMNIOUS CHORD IS STRUCK. Tom's at the wheel. HOUSE. Joyce pulls in from the other direction. It's locked. He smiles. EXT. FERRIS He stares up in horror. fixing dinner and out her backdoor. He reaches down and lifts the doormat. CU. BACK PORCH Ferris tries the door. HOUSE Ferris runs through the kitchen. PORCH Ferris stands up. CU. Ferris moves to the side. The toe of a chewed-up dress shoe steps INTO FRAME. PORCH The outline of a key in the dirt under the mat. HIS POV. 197 196 195 194 . CAR. INT. FERRIS' HOUSE Tom pulls in the driveway. Sloane Peterson Executive Director The Ferris Bueller Foundation" 194 EXT. 196 EXT. He's holding the house key. past a WOMAN. Sincerely. A car honks. 197 EXT. HIS POV Rooney's looking down at him. TOM He realizes it couldn't be Ferris.

JEANIE (to Rooney) Thank you for bringing him home. Rooney gloats severely. There's no way out. PORCH Jeanie breaks the embrace. the backdoor opens. ROONEY I got you. Jeanie looks out. She rushes Ferris and hugs him. FERRIS A moment of curiosity. ROONEY How does another year of high school sit with you? Suddenly. EXT. CU. Ferris. ROONEY His eyes dart from Ferris to Jeanie to Ferris. ROONEY He's dumbfounded. (to Ferris) You better get up in bed tight now. Ferris limps into the house. His victory is evaporating. Then it dawns on him what's happening. This time I finally got you. She feigns joy and relief. JEANIE Thank God. you're alright! We've been worried sick! CU. CU. Rooney. Mr. JEANIE . He smiles.ROONEY Looking for this? FERRIS Yes. JEANIE Can you imagine someone as sick as Ferris trying to walk home from the hospital? (shakes her head) Kids! CU. Ferris is caught.

She raises her hands and strikes a karate pose.C. but Kimberly's is. GROWL. 198 INT. A huge smile passes over her face. Kimberly feels her head. ROONEY A look of terror as he realizes that is was Jeanie who kicked him and that Jeanie knows it was he who she kicked. PORCH Jeanie steps into the house. KIMBERLY Oh. dejected. FERRIS No. EXT. CU. he has Jeanie to deal with next year. He crosses to the refrigerator and opens it. YARD. 200 INT. He looks at his little brother. lost. 199 EXT. Not only has he lost Ferris again. Jeanie comes in. 200 199 198 . TODD Ferris? Does my head look like it's getting bigger? Ferris leans against the counter as he tries to catch his breath. His head pops up off the grass. DOG The click of the door wakes him up. Rooney squeezes his eyes shut. HOUSE The door closes on Rooney's defeated. We hear AN O. CU. shit! Ferris takes out a bottle of orange juice out of the refrigerator and drinks straight from the bottle. ROONEY He senses new danger. CU. They look up at Ferris as he comes in from outside. KITCHEN Kimberly and Todd are sitting at the kitchen table watching TV and eating cereal. bewildered face. KIMBERLY (to Todd) Is he serious? TODD I think so.

KITCHEN Ferris and Jeanie exit the kitchen as Joyce and Tom enter. HOUSE. FOYER The foyer is jammed with floral arrangements. Jeanie. KIMBERLY Is my head swelling up? 203 INT. JEANIE I'm sorry I've been riding your buns for so long. I'll pay you back. 201 EXT. 202 INT. JEANIE No problem. SECOND FLOOR LANDING Ferris and Jeanie stop. I borrowed some cash from you. FERRIS By the way. plants and gifts. FERRIS I want to.FERRIS Thanks. HOUSE Joyce and Tom head up to the kitchen. JOYCE (OC) Ferris! Ferris continues up the stairs. I've been ripping off your wallet for years. guys. He affects a sickly voice. Ferris gives her a proud smile. Mom! 204 INT. Ferris and Jeanie step gingerly through the flowers and head upstairs. JOYCE (to Todd and Kimberly) Hi. JEANIE You don't have to. 204 203 202 201 . JEANIE You don't have to. FERRIS It's completely cool. FERRIS Upstairs.

No sooner are the covers over him than the bedroom door opens and Joyce and Tom walk in. I'm graduating in June and I. They walk over to the bed. JEANIE Is he cool? FERRIS He's cool.. really. I want to go to school. But stay away from his brother. TOM (OC) Ferris? How do you feel? He pulls in his tongue to speak. There's no point pushing yourself and making it worse. TOM Ferris. Ferris walks into the room. JOYCE How did you get so sweet? 205 . Dad. Please. FERRIS Maybe you're right. Joyce leans over and kisses him forehead. FERRIS The same deathly face he had in the morning. You're sick. brushes the crumbs off his hands and peels off his shirt. JOYCE Honey? CU. Joyce sits down. BEDROOM Tom and Joyce hover over him with deep concern. eyes bulging.. 205 INT. Tongue out. He climbs into bed. FERRIS I'm much better. don't make me stay home again.JEANIE Do you know a guy named Garth Volbeck? FERRIS Vaguely. FERRIS (deathly gasp) 150% better. TOM I know I'm right. thank you.

FERRIS Years of practice. FERRIS The hideous face. Ferris looks at CAMERA. FERRIS You gotta get one. FERRIS (happy sigh) Yeah. A great big crazy ball of pure living. CU. Tom pats Ferris on the rump. breathing joy and delight. He and Joyce exit. He smiles. A beat and we HEAR THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSE. life is a carousel. MUSIC UP BIG END TITLES THE END . He rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his head.

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