"FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF" by John Hughes SHOOTING SCRIPT July 24, 1985 "FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF" 1 BLACK

SCREEN MAIN TITLES IT'S SILENT. A BEAT...AND AN EXPLOSION OF SOUND. A HOUSEHOLD IN THE MORNING. KIDS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL. CLOCK RADIOS. KITCHEN APPLIANCES. SHOWERS. FIGHTING. PEOPLE YELLING. DOG BARKING. APPLIANCES BUZZING. CAR HORNS. IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE YOUR HOUSE DID. STREAMS OF ROCK'N ROLL FADE IN AND OUT. HUEY LEWIS TO LIONEL RITCHIE TO HUSKER DU. SURROUND MAKES IT FEEL LIKE YOU'RE IN THE ROOM. AN AURAL TOUR OF A HOUSE ON A SCHOOL MORNING. BEGINING IN THE KITCHEN AND MOVING UPSTAIRS. FATHER'S VOICE (TOM) Where's my wallet?! SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY (TODD) YOU IDIOT!! TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL (KIMBERLY) MOM! TODD SHUT-UP! EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL (JEANIE) I NEED A TOWEL!! TOM JOYCE! KIMBERLY (whispers, sadistic) When you turn ten, your head's going to swell up real big like a watermelon and we're going to have to put you to sleep like they do with a dog. TODD MOM! TOM JOYCE!! JEANIE WHO PISSED ON THE TOILET SEAT!? MOTHER!! TOM 1

Where's Mom? TODD Is my head going to swell up? TOM What?! JEANIE OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!! MOTHER (JOYCE) (screams) TOM! The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP. TODD What's that? KIMBERLY Wait! Hold still! TODD What?! KIMBERLY You heads starting to swell up!! Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the hallway. A door open. TOM (breathless) What's the matter? JOYCE (worried) It's Ferris! TOM What's wrong? JOYCE (snaps) What's wrong? For Christ's sake! Look at him! 2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA. His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side. 3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties. Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed 3 2

for work. TOM Ferris? JOYCE He doesn't have a fever. But he says his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots. 4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS His lifeless eyes blink. 5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead. TOM What's the matter, Ferris? JOYCE Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy. Tom takes one of Ferris' hands. TOM (discreetly) Should you call the doctor? JOYCE (whispers) He doesn't want me to. TOM Why don't you want Mom to call the doctor? Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can manage is a choked gasp. TOM What? Ferris tries again. FERRIS (raspy) Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up. He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down. FERRIS I have a test today. I have to take it. I want to get into a good college so I can have a fruitful life... JOYCE You're not going to school like this. (to Tom) Maybe I should call the office and 5 4

JEANIE.. KIMBERLY Myocardial infarction? JOYCE . His body stiffens and he chokes. Cherish it. She's dressed for school. FERRIS Is that Jeanie? I can't see that far. God! He's gripped by a seizure. Jeanie. Jeanie? JEANIE Pucker up and squat. TOM That's enough. Mom. TODD and sister. FERRIS I'm okay. If I was bleeding out my eyes. His older sister. I wanna puke. Ferris. Ferris' brother. JOYCE (annoyed) Thank you. right. walks into the room.tell them I won't be in. She glares at Ferris. JEANIE (angry. She's cute and stuck-up. It's so unfair. are you? Tell me you're not falling for this. JEAN Yeah. Get to school. What's this? What's his problem? JOYCE He doesn't feel well. FERRIS Please don't be upset with me. JEAN Oh. Be thankful that you're fit and have your health. Dry that one out and you can fertilize the lawn. A major pill. She slips out of the room. Jeanie. you guys'd make me go to school.Oh. KIMBERLY peek into the room. JEANIE You're not falling for this.. Jeanie. I feel perfectly. JEANIE (to herself) Oh. defeated) You're really letting him stay home? I can't believe this. fine. Her eyes are mascara and vengence.

She turns sharply and exits. too. TOM Get downstairs! KIMBERLY If he dies. TODD (worried) Dad? Does my head look alright? JOYCE Get downstairs! Now! TODD Just answer me one question! Is it swelling up? Kim said it was going to get as big as. Daddy'll be right down. I'll just sleep. caring parents..Get your stuff.. My office'll know where I am. TOM I'll check it with you. FERRIS I'll be okay. FERRIS It's nice to know I have such loving. You're both very special people. I got dibs on his stereo. if you need me. 6 CU. KIMBERLY (OC) A WATERMELON! TODD (yells out the room) Shut-up! JOYCE Get downstairs! NOW! Todd backs out of the room. Maybe I'll have an aspirin around noon. JOYCE (to Ferris) I'm showing houses to the family from California today but I'll be in the area. FERRIS 6 . KIMBERLY Syphilitic meningitus? That would be a huge family embarrassment.

hundred and two. 10 INT. Ferris' eyes shift from the door to CAMERA. little smile crawls across his lips. It's physical evidence of illness. FERRIS They bought it. non-specific symptom. JOYCE She strokes Ferris' hair. TOM (OC) Call if you need us. FERRIS Parents always fall for the clammy hands. TV SCREEN The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. 8 CU. You get a nervous mother and you end up in a doctor's office 10 9 8 7 . A sly. Parents are generally pretty hip to the fever scams. The MTV theme music ROARS IN. And to make them work you have to go a hundred and one. pumpkin. (looks out the window) What a beautiful day! He turns from the window. 7 INT. TOM Get some rest. BEDROOM Ferris yanks open the drapes. The pall of the sickroom disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight. She leans down and kisses his forehead. The lock clicks. They close the door. His glassy eyes follow his parents to the door. FERRIS Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. FERRIS Ferris lets out a wheeze. JOYCE (OC) We love you. 9 CU. JOYCE I hope you feel better. It's a good. BEDROOM. sweetie. Tom pats his shoulder.He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids. The MTV logo is playing.

12 INT. I mean. It's moulded into a fin with shampoo. moaning and wailing. FERRIS Fake a stomach cramp and when you're doubled over. FERRIS That I care about it was. It's littered with Jean's debris. BATHROOM Ferris walks into the bathroom. He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV broadcast. How can I be expected to handle high school? He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. He pops up. Inside the shower. FERRIS It's on European socialism. 11 INT. SHOWER STALL.and that's worse than school. BATHROOM. So. just lick your palms. Ferris' hair is standing straight up. What's the point? I'm not European. That wasn't bullshit. He exits into the hallway. I'm probably going to to barf up a lung. I don't plan to be European. who gives a shit if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists and it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. really. Right? He equalizes the sound a little. everybody needs a day off now and then. So. It's a little stupid and childish but then so if high school. Through the pebbled glass of the shower door we see Ferris' outline. I absolutely make this one count. A NEW SONG begins. It's a beautiful day. He steps into the shower. This If I have must FERRIS is my ninth sick day with semester. He turns on the shower water. go for ten. 12 11 . FERRIS I do actually have a test. FERRIS I don't care if you're fifty five or seven.

BEDROOM Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed. FERRIS My uncle went to Canada to protest the war. 14 13 . "Isms". He's drying his hair with another of a different color. Just like that. He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it. he was the Walrus. "I don't believe in Beatles. FERRIS I could be the Walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off people. Or and "isms". in my opinion are not good. 13 INT... TWIST AND SHOUT. HALLWAY. FERRIS Not that I condone fascism. right? On the Fourth of July he was down with my aunt and he got drunk and told my Dad he felt guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam." A good point there. LATER Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist.. FERRIS (OC) I'm not very political? Let me put that into perspective. "What's the deal. (pause) Be careful when you deal with old hippies. A person should not believe in an "ism". I just believe in me. Uncle Jeff? In wartime you want to be a pacifist and in peacetime you want to be a soldier. So I said. He opens his door. Two weeks. 14 INT. It took you twenty years to find out you don't believe in anything?" (snaps his fingers) Grounded.He turns the shower head around and uses it like a microphone. FERRIS (sings) WELL SHAKE IT UP. Afterall. BABY. He passes CAMERA and goes into his room. He should believe in himself. John Lennon said it on his first solo album.. They can be real touchy.

Not a bad guy. FERRIS His name is Garth Volbeck. BEDROOM He walks across the room to his dresser. Nothing was wrong. (pause) My parents never allowed Garth over here. He finds a shirt he likes. "Nothing". right? Anyway. I was sleeping at his house once and I was laying on the dark worrying that his brother was going to come in and hack me to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying. she hears memories. But Garth isn't his brother. Mainly his older brother.. I'm probably his only friend. his mother owns a gas station. If she listens to the White Album now? She doesn't hear music. The smoke tasted like glue. Alot of fights with the parents on that point. I mean. There was no specific thing he was crying about. It'll probably be mine. I'd appreciate it. I hope not. 15 16 INT. Nostalgia is her favorite drug.15 INT. He drops the towel. He gets dressed as he speaks. I could see them not wanting his brother here because he is a registered psycho. I asked him what was wrong and he said. I do what I can for him. There's an old model of a submarine on the top of the dresser. FERRIS In eighth grade a friend of mine made a bong out of one of these. which is complete bullshit. . He's in jail. He pulls out a pair of underwear.. He opens his underwear drawer. if I was him. I wouldn't want him here. He steps back from the closet and puts it on. She got old. 16 . I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of artificial fruit just so he could see what it was like to have his stomach pumped. FERRIS My mother was a hippie. I like him. It's sad but I don't hold it against her. CLOSET The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts. It was because of his family. She only puts out so people will hang out with her. Do unto others. He's a serious outsider. too. I always felt for Garth. His father's dead and his sister's rumored to be a prostitute. But she lost it. He picks it up. It isn't his fault that his brother's screwed-up. Better to hold it against the guys who use her and don't care about her.

He's getting one on his own. Alot of people ditch and feel great for about an hour. 17 INT. KITCHEN Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the refrigerator. FERRIS Unfortunately. HOUSE. he can't sleep. He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice. Gone from school. they do feel for him but still the guy's banned from our house. TV and food. Garth doesn't need his brother to give him a rep anymore. It was a habit. Gone from life. The guy's so conditioned to grief that if he doesn't feel it. now my parents have a legit argument. How could you possibly dump on guy who has to deal with that kinda shit? My parents acknowledge the trudge of the situation and I'm sure that deep down. FERRIS One very serious danger is playing sick is that it's possible to believe your own act. He's wearing a completely different outfit. He continues his speech as he disrobes. FERRIS You have to plan things out before you take the day off. Figure that shit out. It's over for him. FERRIS 18 17 . He crosses to the pantry. He just cried himself to sleep every night. 18 INT. He's eighteen. Otherwise you get all nervous worrying about what to do and all you get is grief and the whole point is to take it easy. He's lost. FERRIS That and boredom.In fact. he wasn't really even aware that he was crying. He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet door. cut loose and enjoy. His legacy is a gas station. STAIRCASE Ferris comes down the stairs. Then they realize there's nothing to do. I myself have ditched and gotten so bored I did homework. He doesn't like what he's wearing.

19 INT. A high school boy. BOY'S BEDROOM It's a dark. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS He remote controls the TV on.. 22 EXT. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY is playing. FERRIS Some guy whose hair is falling out and his stomach's hanging over his belt and everything he eats makes him fart. he looks at someone like me and thinks.. FERRIS Avoid the misery. you're going to wish you'd gone to school so you could be out having fun. PHONE He punches out a number.no. Do it right. rich future ahead of him. A telephone rings OVER.. 23 INT. CAMERON FRYE. CAMERON Food.shelter. And it's not always recognized. Plan your day. modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. 21 INT.. nightstand a still-life of over the counter remedies. We don't see his face. He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos. ANOTHER HOUSE A sleek... Shades drawn. when everybody's out of school.You blow your day and at about three o'clock. FERRIS That's just one reason why I need a day off every now and then. He reaches over and picks up the telephone. 23 22 21 20 19 . is laying in bed. He sets it in his lap. He's mumbling random words. FAMILY ROOM Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair. what's he got to bitch about?" 20 CU. FERRIS There's alot of pressure at work in my age group. floor strewn with used tissues. "This kid's young and strong and has a full. A prime house in a prime location.yes.. dreary sick room.. only a silhouette with a thermometer sticking out his mouth.

25 24 . 24 INT. Ferris. CAMERON'S VOICE I can't. I can't go anywhere. FERRIS I'm taking the day off. Come on over. FERRIS Ferris is sprawled out in the chair. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM. Now. come on over and pick me up. I'm sick. CAMERON She's not home. 25 INT. Cameron slowly hangs up the phone. CAMERON I'm dying. CAMERON I feel like complete shit. FERRIS' VOICE How do you feel? CAMERON Shredded. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry to hear that. CAMERON'S ROOM Cameron's insistant. FERRIS' VOICE Is your mother in the room? Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker phone button. Get dressed and come over.The phone rings. Ferris disconnects. CAMERON (weak) Hello? FERRIS' VOICE Cameron! What's happening? CAMERON Very little. Where are you? FERRIS' VOICE Home. FERRIS It's all in your head.

FERRIS If anybody needs a day off. I've come close myself.. CAMERA enters a classroom. GIRL'S VOICE Here. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM Ferris hangs up. in two weeks you'd have a diamond. He has alot of things to sort out before he graduates. rotting Air Jordans. TEACHER'S VOICE Busch? GIRL'S VOICE 27 26 . But I like him. scuffed heels. 27 INT. He's a little easier to take when you know why he's like he is.. He can't be wound this tight and go to college. Pardon by French but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass. TEACHER'S VOICE Albers? BOY'S VOICE Here. You just can't think of anything good to do. TEACHER'S VOICE Anheiser? BOY'S VOICE Here. 26 INT. His roommate'll kill him. A shoe's POV. HALLWAY We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. FERRIS' VOICE You're not dying. The boy cannot relax. it's Cameron. TEACHER'S VOICE Anderson. It travels past a teacher's Hush Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow Reebocks. pristine loafers. Cameron hits the speaker button.The phone rings again. SCHOOL. (after-thought) And Cameron would worry that he'd owe taxes on it.

He's steering. CU. He gives it a twist. Simone. (pause) My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out at 31 Flavors last night. 28 . CU. TEACHER'S VOICE Drucker? BOY'S VOICE What? WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that it's empty. FERRIS He throws himself back against the chair. GIRL'S VOICE (cheery) No problem whatsoever. I guess it's pretty serious. FERRIS He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war wagon. TV The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws Humongous back in his seat. FAMILY ROOM. He reaches down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve. The big chase at the end. TV THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. TEACHER'S VOICE (weary) Thank you. INT. 28 CU. CU. He's wearing a hockey mash. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? GIRL'S VOICE He's sick.Here. TV Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve.

FERRIS Regardless of how much shit sisters make you eat.CU. He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill. TV IMPACT! MOZART COMES UP. Very damaging to the self-image. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE ROOM. In times of crisis one must to what one must to. FERRIS Financing my activities this way. He holds up a twenty and snaps it. But. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH Outside a bedroom window. I'm broke. With interest. records. CU. A flowering crabtree branch. He comes up with a five. It's Jeanie's room. 29 CU. how gross they act or how wicked and insensitive they can be. I'll pay it back. CU. TV The was wagon hurtles down the road. A pink and powder blue pig pen. CU. how often they rat on you. Because most likely they have cash and it's usually very easy to get your hands on. head thrown back. CU. TV The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the tanker truck. FERRIS This is really degrading. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY" 29 . Ferris is sitting on her bed going through a purse. hey. CU. Petite pink flowers. FERRIS Arms outstretched. braced for collision. Clothes everywhere. FERRIS He rears back in horror. you should not alientate them. make-up. FERRIS He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high speed ride. books.

32 CU. A hand peels the bills off the backing. 37 CU. FLOOR AND BED 40 39 38 37 36 35 34 33 32 31 30 . A ten. bleached singles that have gone through the wash lay on top of the washer. hard. 34 CU. LIVING ROOM The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions. 30 INT. VACCUUM CLEANER The dusty. dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the floor. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth. A screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and pops them apart. A roll of Tums. the quarters are being popped out of their slots.S. Then a modest wad of bills. KITCHEN DRAWER Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. 38 CU. SOFA Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice. SNOOPY BANK It's being shaken furiously. 35 CU. BIRTHDAY CARD It's a child's card. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp. a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. CU. WASHING MACHINE TOP A couple of stiff. PARENTS' BEDROOM Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets.COMES UP. Mint proof set. 33 CU. COIN COLLECTION The familiar blue collector's album. Another crumpled bill surfaces. A squirt gun. 40 CU. A hand scoops them up. new five. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET An obvious gift from a grandparent. He closes the door. A U. Locating a dollar bill. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. One-by-one. 36 CU. 39 INT. His face lights up as he counts out the cash. 31 INT. HALL CLOSET The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets of the coats.

An awl is driven in between the door and the jamb.Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. MORNING A suburban realty company. FERRIS' BED A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. OFFICE Joyce is behind a desk. A cute little building in town. His arm reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed. 46 EXT. The SONG ENDS. KITCHEN Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table. 41 CU. 47 INT. 42 INT. JOYCE Joyce Bueller. finally. 44 INT. BANK It's on a work bench. a Zippo lighter and. TABLE LEG Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used to balance the table. 48 47 46 45 44 43 42 41 . They're also real estate agents. 45 CU. AGENT 1 Mrs. Inside are trading cards. Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. KITCHEN Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter. Across from her are two WOMEN. 48 EXT. Not even those jerks from Vermont. I completely forgot to call. Her eyes open wide with alarm. I'm so sorry. a charred doll's head. suburban high school. She take the call. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. HIGH SCHOOL A modern. Volbeck's dead set against putting any money into the house. Let's be realistic. JOYCE No one's going to consider a house with a black living room. a five dollar bill. JOYCE Oh. It pries the door open. 43 CU. my God.

Bueller. Behind him is a computer terminal. DEAN ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. ROONEY If Ferris thinks he coast this last month and still graduate.MAN'S VOICE Are you aware that your son is not in school today? 49 INT. SCHOOL. DEAD OF STUDENTS. 51 50 49 . We hear the dean inside the office. Ferris is home sick. JOYCE'S VOICE I don't understand. I had a meeting first thing this morning. SCHOOL. CU. ROONEY. DEAN'S VOICE I just had his file up. CU. he's sorely mistaken. He's tough. It completely slipped my mind. clean and straight as an I-beam. He removes his feet from the desk and turns in his swivel chair. suit and tie. DEAN'S VOICE Are you also aware that Ferris does not have what we consider an exemplary attendance record? 51 INT. ROONEY I just has his file up. EDWARD R. He's toying with a pencil. DESK SIGN It reads. JOYCE'S VOICE This is all news to me. I should have called. The hall is clogged with students. neatly combed hair. I am. The dean's feet are up on the desk. CU. HALLWAY It's a passing period. 50 INT. behind the sign. Moderately priced dress shoes. COMPUTER MONITOR The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records. INT. Short. DEAN'S OFFICE. Mrs. OFFICE. JOYCE'S VOICE Yes. He's confident to the point of arrogance. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE A SECRETARY is at work at her desk.

He's playing. He has his record up on the screen. TV MONITOR We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck. CU. SPEAKER The grille cloth is throbbing. He reads off the screen. JOYCE I can give you every assurance that Ferris is home and that he is... I can appreciate that at this time of year children are prone to taking the day off. I debated whether or not I should even leave him. I got a computer. CU. but in Ferris' case. JOYCE'S VOICE Nine times? Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a number 2. FERRIS' BEDROOM MUSIC BLASTS. He's missed. LED METERS The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone. FERRIS' ROOM Ferris is at his Macintosh computer.ROONEY'S VOICE So far this semester alone. CU. in fact. INT. 54 INT. ROONEY I have it right here in front of me. 52 INT. SOLO GUITAR. very ill. Including today. He looks closer at the screen. he's been absent nine times. he's truly a very sick boy. FERRIS I wanted a car. JOYCE'S OFFICE She's still on the phone with Rooney. OFFICE Rooney turns to the monitor. How's that for being born under a bad sign? 53 INT. 54 53 52 .

56 INT. JEANIE What're you sorry for? I have to live with the trouser snake. He sighs deeply and fall back on the bed. I'm bricking heavily. Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl. man. They said he's like on the verge of death. HALLWAY 58 57 56 55 . (to the phone) Did you see Alien? When the guy had the creature in his stomach? It feels like that. GIRL No. GIRL This guy in my biology class said that if Ferris dies he's giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's really sweet isn't he? She smiles and exits. FERRIS A sample of my blood was sent to Atlanta to the Center for Disease Control. 57 INT. I don't know. FERRIS' ROOM He's in bed on the phone. SCHOOL. GIRL I'm really sorry about your brother. 55 INT. A GIRLFRIEND comes up to her.CU. (point to the phone) Freshman. VIDEO CAMERA A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape. JEANIE Who said he's sick. SCHOOL. Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment. She kicks her locker shut. HALLWAY Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. I mean I heard he's really sick. 58 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. GIRL A whole bunch of people.

Hold on.. sure.Yeah. SECOND BOY (to Third Boy) Shit. I can't handle summer school. why? He hands her the phone. BOY You never rented the video cassette? Second boy shakes his head. He's really wasted. GIRL Hello? (pause) Who? (pause) . A couple of his BUDDIES are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news. You know him? THIRD BOY (excited) Yeah. BOY Oh.. THIRD BOY (to the Second Boy) Who's he talking to? SECOND BOY Ferris Bueller. I appreciate you letting us know how you're doing. I hope he doesn't die. BOY Anyway. We gotta split. BOY Did you see Alien? GIRL Yeah. (pause) Huh?. BOY Goddamn! Are you kidding? SECOND BOY What? BOY Did you see Alien? SECOND BOY No. no. The boy snatches a passing GIRL.A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. He's getting me out of summer school.

SECRETARY (impressed) Ooo. pinheads. Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile. Ferris. sluts. Sportos. my God! You're dying? Is it serious? (pause) Shiit! Are you upset? 59 INT. dweebies. 60 EXT. His SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder. geeks. 61 INT. richies. motorheads. ROONEY I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him! SECRETARY With your bad knee. Ed. Ed. you better not throw anybody. they all adore him. To show these kids that the example he sets is a first class ticket to nowhere. Rooney stares at her for a long beat.Hi. The last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. How's your bod? (jaw drops) Oh. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. FERRIS' HOUSE It's a glorious late spring day. A florist's truck drives past the house. ROONEY Really? He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint. You sounded like Dirty Harry just now. wonkers. FERRIS' ROOM He's on the telephone. ROONEY That's exactly why I have to catch him this time. As he speaks he does a little 61 60 59 . ROONEY What's so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is that he gives the good kids bad ideas. SECRETARY He's very popular.

He clears his throat and answers the second line. OFFICE BUILDING. TOM'S VOICE Ferris? 65 INT. FERRIS H--hell-o? 64 EXT. FERRIS You want to stay home and try to have the shits? Try to barf? Try to feel worse? CAMERON'S VOICE I don't have to try. If this was Hawaii. we'd be surfing. This is bullshit. if you're not over here in fifteen minutes. TOM'S OFFICE 65 64 63 62 .MacPainting on his MacIntosh. 62 INT. CAMERON'S BEDROOM Cameron's back in bed. FERRIS Be a man. man. I'm serious. A Modigliani nude. He sounds like he's on his last breath. Why can't you leave me alone? FERRIS' VOICE You're not up for some good times? It's a beautiful day. FERRIS Squeeze you buns for a second. DOWNTOWN A LaSalle Street office tower. 63 INT. The other phone line rings. making me wait around the house for you. Take some Pepto Bismol and get dressed. FERRIS Cameron. FERRIS' ROOM He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness. It's almost summer. CAMERON I'm sick. I feel like shit. I got another call. you can find a new best friend. You're boring me with this stuff. He puts Cameron on hold.

Nice office. Herman Miller desk and chair. He's just checking up on me. TOM You sound miserable. Two windows. 66 . Dad. FERRIS Cameron? It's my Dad. It was making me ill looking at it. pal. TOM Were you sleeping? FERRIS' VOICE I was trying to do some homework. the least you can do is hurry up and get over here. FERRIS Dad? Can you hold on a second? TOM'S VOICE Sure. FERRIS (OC) I'm so worried about falling behind. it's sure great of you to call. CAMERON'S VOICE Oh. Bye. that's just great. Now. Hold on. He switches back to his sick voice. 66 CU. He puts his father on hold. FERRIS' ROOM He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke. COMPUTER MONITOR A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making. So. FERRIS' VOICE Really? Darn! I thought I was improving. Are you busted? FERRIS It's completely cool. But gee. Are you alright? FERRIS Just a little phlegm on the phone. I had a chest spasm and I blew lung fluid all over the place. I'm working on getting some heavy bucks out of him. listen to me. The moment before you called.He's behind his desk. FERRIS Sorry. He disconnects and gets his father back. INT.

TOM'S VOICE Hey. Dad. DIAMONDVISION SCREEN Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard. The screen dumps the drawing. what was I supposed to do? Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer. He lights a cigarette. FERRIS You had to work hard for the money to buy those things. INT. You're just trying to cheer me up. COMPUTER SCREEN A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA". 68 INT. He nods. FERRIS You work so hard I'll bet you don't even remember where those bonds are. FERRIS' ROOM He blows a smoke ring. yeah? You're pulling my leg. CHICAGO LOOP. TOM'S VOICE Wrong. 67 EXT. It's like those savings bonds you used to give me every Christmas. It was a mammoth gesture. CU. pal. sick teenager. FERRIS' ROOM He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the desk.I'm sure there're alot of fathers who wouldn't take time out from their busy schedules to call a dumb. FERRIS Oh. right? Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father. FERRIS Give yourself some credit. 68 67 . Pedestrians stop to look. (looks at CAMERA and smiles) It was that kind of concern. right? TOM'S VOICE Not any harder than anybody else. Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them.

He turns his desk chair around and gets up. CAMERON He's sitting behind the wheel of his car. CAMERON We're gonna get caught. Ferris smiles. CAMERON FERRIS disappointed in Cameron. normal voice) Was that a class move or what? The guy gave it up faster than a drunk Catholic girl. Dad. TOM'S VOICE Okay. FERRIS (to CAMERA. I'll call you after lunch. You take care. FERRIS You don't have to. Ferris sighs. 69 . bucks says he's sitting car debating about whether he should go out. He looks at CAMERA. pal. (thinks) Of course. sick voice) Dad? All this talking has made me kind of light-headed. I hope my kids don't pull this shit on me.TOM'S VOICE Like hell I am. He's gotten exactly what he wants. I'm so Twenty in his or not 69 INT. (to the phone. No doubt about it. they'd be dumb and abnormal and they'd probably never move out of my house and I'd have to support them until I die. TOM'S VOICE I want to. He hangs up. He cuts the engine. They're in a shoebox in my closet. FERRIS You win some. if they didn't. I take it back. I think I better lie down. you lose some. CAR. Bye now.

he worries about everything. CLASSROOM. He goes into the bathroom. He exits the room. He sighs and restarts the engine. A HERALDIC STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater. Another beat. The drawer is opened slowly. The hands lift a sweater out. INT. He's the only guy I know who's deeply concerned that when he grows up there'll be a critical shortage of strategic metals.. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC. SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED.. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM DOWN. FERRIS Cameron'll go on like that for a good thirty minutes. 72 INT. HALLWAY Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway. The guy is a shellfish when it comes to making a decision. He stops the engine. CAMERON Actually. FERRIS Cameron's also the only guy I know who knows what strategic metals are. Another beat. ominously. He leafs through the pages for the pictorials as he speaks. DRESSER DRAWER Hands curl around the drawer pulls.I'm not doing it. FERRIS (sings) MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER. He sits for half a beat. CAMERON He'll keep calling until I come over. Ferris'll escape. what'll happen is I'll get caught. LATER 72 71 70 . (waves the magazine) Pardon moi. 70 CU. 71 INT. FERRIS' ROOM He takes out the magazine. The reason he doesn't fell good is.

SLOANE A smile curls across her lips. 74 CU. SLOANE (whispers) Dead grandmother. SLOANE PETERSON. like the others. TEACHER AND NURSE The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece of disturbing news. The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. dusty lecture. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear. NURSE (nods solemnly) Dead grandmother. NURSE Sloane Peterson? SLOANE Sits up in her seat. is sitting at her desk in a history class. (sneezes) Pardon me. the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard him sneeze. TEACHER Roosevelt's health had seriously deteriorated by the time he met with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta. ROONEY He has a suspicious look on his face. 74 73 . watches the nurse curiously. HALLWAY The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand. As she gathers her books she looks to the GIRL next to her. CLASSROOM. 73 INT.A stunningly beautiful girl. She looks at the kids. NURSE She's a picture of compassion and understanding. INT. For a moment. She's staring out the window as a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry. NURSE May I see you outside for a moment? There's been an emergency. SLOANE She. He nods grimly to the Nurse.

She puts the call on hold. . Can you hold? Thank you. Rooney smiles. SECRETARY That's what Mr. His secretary is standing across from him. Rooney's phone rings. She smiles and backs out. SECRETARY Edward Rooney's office. Peterson's daytime number? As the secretary starts out of the room. His suspicions are confirmed. I had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane. ROONEY Who's this girl's going with? SECRETARY It's so hard to tell. Peterson said. I see her alot with Ferris Bueller.ROONEY Dead grandmother? INT. ROONEY How are you today. Rooney is startled. He punches the phone button. MAN'S VOICE Ed? This is George Peterson. sir? MAN'S VOICE We've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard. Peterson. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's at his desk. She stops and answers the desk phone. ROONEY Ed Rooney. SECRETARY It's Mr. (pause) Yes. ROONEY Could you get me Mr. SECRETARY Do you still want his number? Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. He thinks for a beat then reaches for the phone.

76 75 . Huh? Oh. She puts the call on hold and hangs up. you don't like my policies. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line. She hurried into Rooney's office. It's school policy. She's waving her arms furiously. SECRETARY Hold. gosh. Was this your mother? Rooney's other line rings. 76 INT.Rooney rolls his eyes. He covers the phone. He's angry. I'm all broken up. She stomps her foot. 75 INT. The secretary stops cold in the doorway. I want to see this dead grandmother firsthand. You hear me? The secretary comes in. Cart the stiff in and I'll turn over your daughter. you can just come on down and smooch by big old ugly ass. please. I'm gonna set a trap and let his walk right into it! (to phone) That's right. And. SECRETARY Ed Rooney's office. Peterson. ROONEY I'll tell you want. ROONEY (whispers) It's Ferris Bueller. It's so obvious it's not Mr. Rooney tries to wave her away. She turns to Rooney in horror. ROONEY What!? SECRETARY Ferris Bueller's on line two. Her jaw drops. sure. You produce a corpse and I'll release Sloane. Nervy litttle punk. ROONEY I heard. Rooney covers the phone. I'd be happy to release Sloane. SECRETARY'S OFFICE She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other line.

CU. CU. fastening his belt. sir. He glances at the phone. cocks his head. ROONEY He winces as he returns to the first call. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb you at work but I was wondering if it would be possible for my sister to bring home any assignments from my classes that I may need. ROONEY'S FACE A mask of horror. He's doing a deep. CU. CU. ROONEY He's staring blankly ahead. ROONEY'S HAND The pencils falls from his fingers. He speaks in the same voice he used on his father. 77 INT. FERRIS' VOICE Thank you. PHONE Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting call. CU. FERRIS Mr. PHONE The second line light is flashing. twitches. FERRIS' HOUSE. ROONEY'S FOOT It freezes in mid-tap. CAMERON You oughta be sorry for Christ's sake! A family member dies and you insult me. He nods. anyway? 79 78 77 . What's the matter with you. CU. 78 INT. The phone's cradled against his shoulder. FERRIS' ROOM He's zipping his pants. DEAN'S OFFICE. KITCHEN Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. ROONEY He blinks. CU. phoney "father" voice. 79 INT.

You just make sure my daughter's out in front of the school in ten minutes. Cameron covers the phone. CAMERON (clears his throat) I don't have all day to bark at you so I'll make this short and sweet. CAMERON This isn't over yet. You have to know. Mr. buster. I thought you were someone else. Do you read me? ROONEY'S VOICE Load and clear. CAMERON That's better. He's perspiring. I can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I am.80 INT. Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone. CAMERON'S VOICE Pardon my French but you're an asshole! Rooney nods enthusiastically. sir. Ferris! What is Rooney guesses my voice! FERRIS Impossible. Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the conversation. CAMERON (to Ferris) I'm scared shitless. ROONEY I don't know. that I would never deliberately insult you. ROONEY Absolutely! I most certainly am. 81 . ROONEY He apologies profusely to Cameron. KITCHEN Cameron lays into Rooney. Peterson. trembling. 80 81 INT. goddamn it! ROONEY'S VOICE Sir. DEAN'S OFFICE. You're doing great. CAMERON Call me sir.

You be out in front with her! I wanna have a few words with you! Ferris slaps Cameron. moron. Cameron panics. FERRIS' KITCHEN Cameron's rubbing the side of his head. By herself. 83 INT. 83 82 .Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up. CAMERON'S VOICE On second thought.. I don's want anyone around. The phone flies out of his hand. He holds the phone out to Ferris. CAMERON What'd I do? FERRIS Out in front my herself? It's too suspicious! He'll think something's up. He's said the wrong thing. 82 CU.. We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS. CAMERON You do it! Ferris waves his arms angrily. Cover it. FERRIS Talk! Cameron takes a deep breath. He covers the phone. CAMERON I changed my mind. He clears his throat and puts on his father's voice. fella. FERRIS (mouths) Great! Cameron smiles proudly. ROONEY He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK! We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE. Ferris smacks Cameron. I don't have time to talk to you. CAMERON I want my daughter out in front of the school in ten minutes. We'll get together soon and have lunch. THEN CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT.

Cameron's anger is intensified by his embarrassment. You get me out of bed. CAMERON I was home. a man who could squeeze my nuts into oblivion and then you deliberately hurt my feelings. FERRIS I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings. make me do a phoney phone call on a dean of students. don't ask me to participate in your crap if you don't like the way I do it! Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. make me jeopardize my future. God. really. Look. I lightly slapped you. CAMERON You hit me. CAMERON Oh. FERRIS How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's going to be there with her?! CAMERON I said for her to be there alone and you freaked! FERRIS My. really? FERRIS Yeah. you're so stupid! (aside) I didn't hit you. . sick.CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me? FERRIS Where's your brain? CAMERON I asked you first. being me over here.

84 . Ferris? Have a nice life. CAMERON AND FERRIS Cameron's face is ashen. Cameron smiles. FERRIS Cameron. CU. CAMERON Thanks. Cameron stops. I didn't mean to jam you. 84 INT. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear. CAMERON You're serious? He turns around. right? Not that is was necessarily all you fault. GARAGE The door opens slowly. He turns and heads out of the room. Ferris is smiling with excitement and awe.Cameron glares at Ferris. I'm sorry. FERRIS Dead serious. He appreciates Ferris apology. The end of the world is at hand. CAMERON Hey. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris looking at the car. dramatically as we hear a heraldic fanfare. FERRARI STALLION The prancing black stallion. I'm going to have to ask you for a small favor. FERRIS You did screw up through. Right? CAMERON (suspiciously) Why? FERRIS To fix this situation. We move up from the stallion to the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Ferris. Cameron's jaw drops. It was uncalled for. Ferris sighs. FERRIS Cameron? CAMERON Stick it up your ass.

Ferris.Ferris is in heaven. CAMERON He never drives it. FERRIS Whatever miles we put on it. FERRIS Alright. CAMERON It's not a piece of shit. My father spent three years restoring it. FERRIS We can't pick up Sloane in your car. He puts his arm around Cameron. CAMERON Ferris. this is real simple. FERRIS It's a piece of shit. We can't take is out. CAMERON (grim monotone) 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Less than a hundred were made. It is joy. it is his passion. Cameron. my father loves this car more than life itself. He has it tatooed on his wrist. Rooney'd never believe Mr. Peterson drives that piece of shit. look. FERRIS A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile. He just rubs it with a diaper. we'll take off. it is his love. I have to envy yours. CAMERON He knows the mileage. Look. FERRIS He doesn't trust you? CAMERON No. Don't worry about it. I don't even have a piece of shit. . I'm sorry but there's nothing else we can do.000. It has a market value of $265. Ferris. FERRIS It is his fault he didn't lock the garage.

87 INT. 86 EXT. FERRARI GRILLE Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar of the twelve cylinders. I'm putting my foot down. Cameron shakes his head. SCHOOL. proud smile) We'll drive home backwards. The top is down.CAMERON (suspicious) How? FERRIS (big. I have to live with the man. CAMERON Are you crazy?! Put the top back up! FERRIS This is perfect top-down weather. FERRARI Ferris is driving. JEANIE She comes out of a classroom. She stops as Sloane and Rooney walk past. Jeanie watches her suspiciously. CAMERON What about Rooney? FERRIS Cameron. I'm sorry but.. Cameron's in the back. CAMERON Forget it.. no.. the less likely we are to get caught. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses. CAMERON That makes no sense whatsoever. Ferris.. You'll have to think of something else. CU. 85 INT. Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her books. the more obvious we are.. SCHOOL The Ferrari is parked out in front. CAMERON'S VOICE . The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a crowded school hallway.You're not talking me into this one. FERRIS 87 86 85 ..

She hurries to the car. ROONEY Once again let me say how deeply saddened I am by your loss. JEANIE She's watching out the door. Um. Sloane! Dear! Sloane looks across at the Ferrari. Very. man. Very old. 89 INT. She was a terrific lady. She sees the Ferrari pull away. SCHOOL Rooney's suspicious. Rooney watches her. Thanks. SLOANE I guess that's my Dad. Yeah.The adult mind is a suspicious machine. 89 88 . FERRIS Hurry along now! EXT. Yeah. DEEP VOICE Oh. He's careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline. 88 EXT. SCHOOL Rooney and Sloane come out the door. Something does compute for him. Sloane smiles and bids Rooney a hasty farewell. See ya. SCHOOL. THEIR POV Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. CAMERON Howcome it's my Dad's car and I'm taking all the risk and I have to ride back here? FERRIS I don't have an explanation. (look around at Cameron) Stay down. Very hip. Rooney looks. Cameron squeezes himself lower. SLOANE Huh? ROONEY Were you close to your grandmother? SLOANE Oh.

No. the question is "what aren't we going to do. 92 . FERRIS It was risky. FERRARI It accelerates away like a shot. SLOANE What're we gonna do? FERRIS The question isn't "what are we gonna do". 91 92 EXT. You comfortable? CAMERON Hi. Cameron. She leans across the console and gives Ferris a kiss. FERRARI Sloane shrieks with delight. FERRIS Either would I." CAMERON Don't tell me we're not going to take the car home. SLOANE This is so great! I can't believe it! Right in front of Rooney! She laughs and turns to Cameron. SCHOOL. SLOANE What a fabulous car! CAMERON Enjoy it quick. It' s going home.90 EXT. ROONEY He can't quite put his finger on what's bothering him. STREET. 90 91 INT. FERRIS (to CAMERA) If you had access to a car like this would you take it back right away? Would you give up feeling like a ton just to ease your best friend's tension? He smiles. SLOANE Hi. it was bold but it was totally necessary. Please.

INT.. Sloane suppresses a laugh. She smiles when she sees Ferris. should you be in school? FERRIS He lays his savings bonds on the counter. The clock outside read 9:53. How are you? TELLER She pats the rock-solid mass of blue hair. In doing so she locates a missing ball point pen. Ferris leads the way to an open teller window. Mrs. TELLER A WOMAN about seventy with a silver blue beehive. Froeling. modern bank building. FERRIS Hello. The Ferrari pulls into the parking lot. FERRIS (to Cameron) And this is my brother-in-law. Ferris is cocky and confident. this is Mrs. ZZ Top. On either shoulder are Cameron and Sloane. 94 . BANK. As she moves the beehive hits a small sign over her head. I'm as chipper as can be. BANK. Mrs. In fact.. Cameron and Sloane walk in. This is my wife. Ferris smiles. It's about four inches higher the highest beehive you're ever seen.93 EXT. FERRIS Me? (polite laugh) I'm out of school. 93 94 INT. TELLER Ferris Bueller? FERRIS He's at the window. She's been at the bank since they opened. SUBURBAN BANK A fresh. She withdraws it from the hair and smiles at it's reappearance. Froeling. Cameron's having stomach trouble. Froeling.Madonna. (something occurs to her) Say. TELLER I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. Sloane's still intoxicated with her freedom. I'm married. so I'm a little pooped but other than that. ZZ. Cameron blanches. DOORS Ferris.

Cameron isn't amused. TELLER (to Cameron) Is Top a Slavic name? CAMERON Yeah. FERRIS I'd like to cash these in, please. We're having a baby and we need the cash for a crib, clothes, diapers, food pellets, leash, water dish... INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling takes the bonds with a hearty smile. The latter part of the conversation sails over her like a line drive. TELLER A baby! (to Sloane) You must be so excited. Cameron groans and turns away from the sham. SLOANE I'm thrilled, ma'am. I'm especially looking forward to wearing those jeans with the stretch panel in front. Mrs. Froeling thumbs through the bonds. TELLER Are you hoping for a boy or a girl? SLOANE Actually, we're hoping for a car. CU. CAMERON He's spooked by the games playing. He scans the bank nervously. He blinks, focuses, blinks again. HIS POV Joyce is with a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE and their bored, sour-puss teenage son, BOYD. He's sitting in a chair with his legs slung over the sides waving a Bic lighter back and forth across his rump. The parents are Joyce's clients from Vermont. A LOAN OFFICER is discussing the local financing situation with them. His is an open office adjacent to the teller windows. Joyce's back is to the tellers. CU. CAMERON

It's like he's just witnesses an ax murder. CAMERON Shit... INT. BANK. JOYCE Her back is to the teller windows. She's conducting her meeting. Behind her we see Cameron grab Ferris and point her out to him. He waves. Cameron slaps his arm. INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds. TELLER These bonds aren't mature. If you hold onto them another two years you'll get an additional four dollars... FERRIS I'm aware of that. TELLER You're throwing away four dollars. FERRIS No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the government. They need it. Do you know what an aircraft carrier's going for these days? INT. BANK. JOYCE She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out. INT. BANK. DOOR Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce. JOYCE Mrs. Froeling, how are you? MRS. FROELING I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. (shifts gears, to Joyce) Say, you must be very proud. Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about. MRS. FROELING (whispers) I met Madonna. She pats Joyce on the arm.

MRS. FROELING She told me everything. Keep me posted, I'll want to send a gift. She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are completely baffled. 95 EXT. BANK Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking lot. JOYCE My son's home sick today. If you wouldn't mind, on our way back to the office, I'd like to just run in and check up on him. We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car. MOTHER Of course. They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look on proudly. 96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE His secretary is dialing a number for him. SECRETARY This is the Peterson's home. She hands the phone to Rooney. SECRETARY Watch your mouth this time. Rooney glares at her. ROONEY Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's no doubt in my mind. That's what I was saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped. He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this thing now. See? The secretary nods. SECRETARY And her grandmother, too. 97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an 97 96 95

The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk. She's not listening to him. ROONEY Something's going on. ROONEY And I'm going to stop it! SECRETARY My brother-in-law'll appreciate it. We are unable to come to the phone right now but if you'll leave your name and number. ROONEY What? SECRETARY My brother-in-law rides the train to work. If you need to reach us we'll be at the following number. 99 EXT.awful lot like Sloane. Rooney stares at her like she's crazy. We've had a death in the family. puzzled.. EDENS EXPRESSWAY The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the suburbs. CAMERON'S VOICE You have reached the Coughlin Bros.. 100 INT. CAMERON'S HOUSE His answering machine clicks on. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney hangs up the phone. 98 INT. Rooney looks at her. Mortuary. The Ferrari streaks past. 101 100 99 98 . ROONEY Who gives a good goddamn? 101 EXT... SLOANE We can't come to the phone right now. In the distance we see the Sears Tower. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney quickly takes down a number. SECRETARY There's a railroad strike. We hear Cameron's voice. goddamn it. the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil Building.

She's flabbergasted at the proportions her brother's scan has reached. CAMERON We can't leave the car here! FERRIS Why not? CAMERON Because we can't! I want it back home where it belongs! SLOANE What could happen to it? CAMERON It could get stolen. GARAGE Ferris. CHICAGO LOOP. 103 EXT. you name it.102 INT. Cameron's having fits.. KID Heartless wench. HALLWAY Jeanie's walking down the hall. We're collecting money to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. FERRIS 103 . SCHOOL. EXT. KID Yo. babe! Some day you might need a favor from Ferris Bueller! Then where'll you be?! He reaches for the can. PARKING GARAGE The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage. KID Hey.. wrecked. JEANIE Go piss up a flagpole! KID Huh? 102 She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall. Sloane and Cameron get out. She's stopped by a KID with a Coke can. The kid yells after her... KID They run about fifty g's so it you could help out. Jeanie stares at him. scratched.

Do you have to be so graphic? She heads down the street. FERRIS See what a finski can do to a person's attitude? He's going to treat it like a beautiful woman. CAMERON What guy? CU. no revving engine. very carefully.I'll give the guy a five to watch it. Goatee. Another attendant jumps in the passenger side. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly. Cameron. No squealing tires. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a hairnet Gold teeth. sure. Earring. CAMERON Yeah. It's gone in the entrance and out the exit. FERRIS You speak English? ATTENDANT Since I was three. SLOANE This is so right! Ferris nudges Cameron on. FERRIS I appreciate it. PARKING LOT The Attendant swaggers over to the car. ATTENDANT Like it's a beautiful woman. PARKING ATTENDANT He smiles with relish at the car. Ferris turns to Cameron. Ferris slips him a give. . They exit the garage and head after Sloane. Whip it with a stick and piss on the hood. EXT. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the exit ramp of the garage. I want to you take extra special care of this vehicle. 240. The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. please. SLOANE Oh. FERRIS Great. He smiles. 6'6". An IQ that equals his hourly wage. okay? He pats the Attendant on the arm.

with a huge knit hat willed with dreads. It's taut. HER POV The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves. HOUSE. 109 108 107 106 105 . CLOSET The closet door is open. The snoring it simulated. 106 INT. There's a figure in the bed. She listens at the door. the trophy lifts up off the yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's original position. JOYCE She smiles and closes the door. Ferris and Cameron. 104 EXT. CU. As the bedroom door closes. tall. 108 INT. FERRIS' ROOM It's dark. HALLWAY Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room.He's skinny. He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of the lot. She gets out and heads up the house. 107 INT. The wire from the bedroom door is strung over the top of the closet door. STAIRWAY Joyce quietly walks up the stairs. ROOM. FERRIS' SYNTHESIZER Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring. She's smiles with relief and affection. 109 INT. DOOR KNOB The wire is tied to the doorknob. WE HEAR THE SNORING. Downstairs. CU. A trophy is attached to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick. ROOM. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet door to the door to the room itself. HOUSE. HALLWAY Joyce listens at the door another beat. DOORKNOB Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a crack. we hear a door open and close. FERRIS' HOUSE 104 Joyce's care pulls in the driveway. It heads down the street away from Sloane. CU. INT. We hear soft snoring. 105 INT.

. 111 INT. Ferris steps back. CAMERON (VO) Do you think the car's alright? FERRIS (VO) Illinois. CAMERON I don't feel good. putting all his weight on his forehead. Cameron and Sloane are standing against the window. As it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows. reluctantly. INT. SLOANE 111 . Cameron follows. we are provided with a view of four states. shit! HER POV The street far. OBSERVATION DECK The three are leaning against the glass. lean against the glass. Indiana. FERRIS Now.. Ferris. SEARS TOWER OBSERVATION DECK Ferris. SLOANE Oh. Wisconsin and my personal favorite. Sloane and Cameron follow suit. LATER 110 HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the world's tallest building.110 EXT.. Michigan. SEARS TOWER. FERRIS (VO) This is the world's tallest building. Are we gonna stay long? FERRIS Take a step back. A dizzying view. Like this. FERRIS And look down. far below. SLOANE What if the glass gives? FERRIS Death. From our vantage point here on the 103 floor. He leans forward. Sloane leans forward..

Cameron politely waits his turn to exit. FERRIS AND SLOANE I BEEN ALL 'ROUND THIS GREAT BIG WORLD AND I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF GIRLS YEAH. Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the gallery watching the proceedings.Cool. Ferris and Sloane head down the street. CU. They dance past the giant Calder mobile. They're singing. GALLERY Ferris. BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET BACK IN THE STATES BACK TO THE CUTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA 114 EXT. Cameron's father. 117 INT. STREET Ferris and Sloane burst out the doors garnering the annoyed stares of the business people busily going in and out of the building. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. SEARS TOWER LOBBY Ferris and Sloane bound down the escalator. 116 INT. clean. HORACE FRYE. Cameron follows glumly. FERRIS AND SLOANE I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS! 115 EXT. is standing on the street corner. CAMERON I think I see my Dad. 117 116 115 114 113 112 . CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE Giant old monolith. 113 INT. HIS POV The Ferrari screams down the avenue and disappears down the underground ramp. 112 EXT. Cameron follows. tough and humorless. TRADING ROOM Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities. STREET LEVEL A middle-aged man. He's lean. CAMERON He's looking down. CAMERON'S FATHER I think I see my car. He's wearing a puzzled look on his face.

FERRIS I'm game. FERRIS Yes. That was a lie. Ferris puts his arm around Sloane. FERRIS Would I trash a day of education to be with you if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. SLOANE Sure. Is he serious. SLOANE No way! . FERRIS (serious) Today? Sloane stares at him.SLOANE Do you love me? FERRIS Do you love me? SLOANE I asked you first. FERRIS Would I risk damaging a deep and wonderfully enriching relationship with my parents if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. FERRIS Would I have introduced you as my wife if I didn't love you? SLOANE Wait a minute. FERRIS True. FERRIS Would you want to get married? I mean if I wasn't an asshole. You? SLOANE Yes.

FERRIS Huh? CAMERON If your blood's not compatible. give me a good reason why not. CAMERON You need a blood test. My mother and father. FERRIS Why not? SLOANE What do you mean. CAMERON I'll give you two. Ferris and Sloane look at him curiously. you could produce a pinhead. Am I right? . if you will. FERRIS So? CAMERON So. CAMERON I'm with you. Cameron suddenly adds his two cents. babe. FERRIS Besides being too young and your father hating my guts and not having any place to live and feeling awkward about being the only cheerleader with a husband. CAMERON They're married and they hate each other.FERRIS I'll do it. Ferris looks around at him. SLOANE I'm not getting married. why not? Think about it. (to Ferris) You've seen them. The state requires a blood test. FERRIS Tomorrow? CAMERON If you get a blood test today. you can't get married today.

When I have a kid.FERRIS You're father's a toad and your Mom's always wired out. CAMERON Yeah.. CAMERON Just because it happens doesn't make it right. I've tried. Are yours divorced? CAMERON They may as well be. SLOANE Consider this. He dropped us like a rock. I thought so. He hates his wife. CAMERON It makes me puke.. He loves the car. I don't care how much I want . It's not something I can get comfortable with. Then BLAM! It's over. So what? It's not like it doesn't happen ten thousand times a day. It's like the car. That parental love might not be a given. She keeps a pretty good secret. SLOANE Do you think they're staying together because of you? Cameron hasn't seen it that way. Are you comfortable with it? SLOANE No. SLOANE Do they like you? It hasn't occured to Cameron that his parents might not like him. SLOANE My parents are divorced.my father canned me and my brother and my Mom for a twenty five year old dipso with fake tits. but so what? They're old. He shrugs. FERRIS (to CAMERA) This is all news to me. Seeing people treat each other like that. That's natural. We all thought so. Sure. SLOANE (to Cameron) It was pure selfishness. Everything was cool at our house.

CAMERON So. SLOANE Well. you call the shots. CAMERON I'd rather not have my family break apart. SLOANE They call the shots. thank you. CAMERON You could change. But it's a cool thing and I think. But I'm gonna try not to. too. SLOANE Yeah. FERRIS (to CAMERA) She's not lying. I'm gonna try to prevent it. I should just sit back and watch it crumble? SLOANE You're merely an inhabitant in their universe. FERRIS This is optomism. . it's like a charming quick that infests youth. crusty old shits wish they had some. forget it. CAMERON So. deep down. SLOANE What? FERRIS Let's go feed Cameron. It's a common trait with my age group. you know what? It ain't up to you. (points to Sloane) Sorry. Adults think it's cute.something. I'm gonna think about it. you're saying I should run away? FERRIS No. She's taken. They wish they had her. if it's gonna screw-up the kid. She's saying it's time for lunch. FERRIS Frightening choice of words. It's out of your hands. When you split from them. I in other words.

The maitre'd looks at Ferris curiously. son.. MAITRE'D (chuckles) I'm sorry. RESTAURANT Ferris. We HEAR A RADIO ANNOUNCER. It's noon. ANNOUNCER Commodity prices rose sharply today in unusually heavy trading. FERRIS Is there a problem? MAITRE'D You're Abe Frohman? FERRIS I'm Abe Frohman. RESTAURANT The maitre'd returns. Cool and casual. TRADING FLOOR 118 It explodes with activity in response to Ferris' shout.. 120 119 . I'm Abe Frohman. HIS POV His fingers runs down to a party of three for 12:00. I'm very busy right now. He ignores her.. 119 EXT. He yells at the top of his voice. FERRIS BUY! And he exits. Party of three for 12:00. MAITRE'D (to Ferris) May I help you? FERRIS Yes. Ferris is looking at the maitre 'd's reservations book. 118 INT. 120 INT.They stand up and head out. Ferris hangs back a moment. Sloane and Cameron are standing in the restaurant. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. He cups his hands to his mouth. RESTAURANT A French restaurant on the Gold Coast. Sloane tugs Ferris' sleeve.. If you have trouble finding the door. INT.

RESTAURANT. PHONE Ferris punches out a number.Abe. RESTAURANT The maitre'd motions for the phone so that he can answer the call.. Sloane grits her teeth.. INT. Cameron chokes. CU.. Sloane and Cameron are seated in the restaurant. (to the Maitre'd) Call the police. please? SLOANE Cameron's right. MAITRE'D I appreciate your understanding. let's split. He hands the phone to Sloane. . The maitre'd smiles smuggly. We're gonna get busted. (grabs the phone) .FERRIS Are you suggesting that I'm not who I say I am? MAITRE'D Shall I call the police? CAMERON Let's go. Ferris waves him off angrily. FERRIS Not a chance in the world. FERRIS You touch me and I yell "rat!" There's another phone around here. A beat and the restaurant's second line lights up and the phone rings. CAMERON Ferris. Find it. The maitre'd is hovering over Ferris. FERRIS Ask for Abe Frohman. INT. Better yet. LATER Ferris.. FERRIS I'm not going anywhere... Go ahead.I'll call myself. The maitre'd backs off.

dear friend? Cameron looks to Ferris. you were wonderful. Sloane is impressed. Just leave us to our repast and all will be forgotten. but I had a wonderful teacher. Ferris disappears behind his menu. Charles. today I'm the hammer. FERRIS And you thought we wouldn't have any fun.FERRIS Don't grovel. MAITRE'D Enjoy your luncheon. whenever he wants and he never gets nailed. She's talking to a FRIEND. GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM Jeanie's sitting on a bench in a field hockey uniform. He manipulates my parents. Cameron is flushed with nerves. babe. She yanks angrily on the velcro strap on her sneakers. FERRIS Thank you. 121 EXT. FRIEND Why? What's the point? JEANIE Why? Because I'm sick of the little dope. SCHOOL We HEAR HALLWAY SOUNDS AND JEANIE. SLOANE Oh. JEANIE (VO) Ferris Bueller's days are numbered. 122 121 . Shame on you. The straps rip off in her hand. FERRIS Darling. FERRIS Cameron. 122 INT. he does whatever he wants. JEANIE (mean. The maitre'd backs away. vicious) I'm gonna bust his buns. Ferris smiles. (wicked pause) Well.

JEANIE Who does? Her friend smiles sheepishly. Except morons. I'm friendly and fair to all kinds of people. He's not a wonderful person. wags her head. I study hard. He's not nice. decent person should be and you know what? FRIEND Everybody thinks you're an asshole. I try to be everything a good. He's an ignorant mule and the sooner everybody in this school comes to that realization the better off we'll all be. Who else? FRIEND I don't know. She displays the velcro straps to her friend. does everything but verbally confirm. JEANIE Let me tell you something. JEANIE Sweetie. Jeanie freezes with her next sentence pinned to her tongue. He's not charming. you sympathize with him. JEANIE See? My brother strokes you.FRIEND I think he's cute. Just forget it. it's an established fact that you have no taste. I'm considerate. JEANIE Rachel? Jeanie's friend shrugs. JEANIE Rachel's a dirt bag. Ferris is not cute. I'm polite. I work hard. JEANIE Forget that everybody thinks I'm an . I get pissed off and this is what happens! Jeanie tosses the straps on the floor. JEANIE Excuse me? FRIEND I don't think you're an asshole.

JEANIE I this a conspiracy to shit all over me or something? Is my brother behind this? Tell me if he is or I'll sock your tits. A fat fifty year old clod with B. How about if I sock your face? Jeanie's friend gets up. Her friend exits. JEANIE Alright. Jeanie. GODDAMN IT! . FRIEND Take a walk. Mr. JEANIE Would everybody be happier if maybe I were to die in a flaming car accident or something? FRIEND Maybe if you didn't cat like and asshole.O. Jeanie. Rooney likes you. FRIEND You really do have a problem. That's exciting. JEANIE Oh. JEANIE Am I acting like an asshole? FRIEND I didn't mean it that way. hey. likes me... JEANIE Me? I have a problem? FRIEND Somebody who threatens to sock people's tits has a problem.asshole? Would you like everybody to think you're an asshole? FRIEND Not everybody thinks you're an asshole. Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief. I have my period! MY BODY'S RIDDING ITSELF OF OLD EGGS. JEANIE (yells after her) If it means anything to you.

His parents fight all the time. I love driving it. Her body is a transport vehicle for her anger. It's scary.She snarls and slumps against the lockers. Basically. 123 INT. MEN'S ROOM. He crosses to 123 . Plus. We hold a beat. He's monkey meat. The thing with taking his old man's car? It's good for him. JEANIE He's gone. He zips this trousers and steps away from the urinal. (continues) I used to think that my family was the only one that had weirdness in it. That's why he's sick all the time. It used to worry me. I highly recommend picking one up. He exists the men's room. He looks down at the urinal. I don't know where she gets this shit. you couldn't pry his buns apart with a crowbar. He checks his hair in the mirror. He's over. What he said about his parents hating each other? I refuse to sleep over at his house. FERRIS I wonder if everybody shoots at cigarette butts in urinals? Probably not many women. Another beat and Tom walks out of the stall. Cameron tightens up. FERRIS When they go after each other. A toilet flushes. It teaches him to deal with his fear. He wasn't lying. FERRIS Cameron's home life is really shit. Even when I'm there. the family's pretty cool. Then I met Cameron and I saw how his family functioned. It really upsets him. He gets so wadded-up. CHEZ PAUL Ferris is standing at the urinal. and I must be honest here. FERRIS She's a person who views life as an ordeal that must be endured. Is there anything worse than being at somebody's house when their parents are fighting? It's the absolute height of social discomfort.

Clouseau! The waiter stops and looks at Ferris indignantly. He takes a bite. FERRIS Good? Sloane and Cameron shrug. He puts his napkin in his lap and smells his plate. CAMERON What is this shit? FERRIS You got me. 124 INT. FERRIS I think it's a land-based beefoid creature. He savors the taste. FERRIS What are you doing? Cameron looks at Ferris. I don't speak French. But it looks like it's already been eaten and digested. CAMERON Really? FERRIS Superb. It's not bad. Cameron and Sloane try theirs. Ferris stops him. A WAITER passes. RESTAURANT Cameron and Sloane have been served their lunches. They're staring at the plates.the sink. FERRIS Yo. 124 . Ferris slides over to the table and drops into his seat. They chew tentatively. FERRIS Splendid. CAMERON What is it? SLOANE I don't know. CAMERON I knew it was a mistake letting Ferris order for us.

FERRIS . They're holding their sweetbreads in their mouths. knowing that he's spoiling the kids' meal. WAITER Sweetbreads. CU. And what might that be? WAITER Pancreas. SLOANE AND CAMERON They stop chewing. FERRIS Uh. FERRIS He watches Sloane and Cameron then glances at the waiter. please! 125 EXT.That secretes a thick. SLOANE AND CAMERON They look at each other. CU. CU. FERRIS He pats his mouth with his napkin. WAITER He nods broadly. colorless fluid containing digestive enzymes? The home of the world famous isles of Langerhans? CU. A 125 .FERRIS I have a growth on my brain that causes memory lapses. FERRIS He continues his questioning. RESTAURANT Tom and his two GUESTS are standing at the curb. FERRIS Check. huh. CU. talking. CU. He raises a finger. holds it a beat and gives a cue. He looks to Cameron and Sloane.. WAITER He turns away as Sloane and Cameron spit out their food. Could you tell me what we ordered here? The waiter glances at the plates. FERRIS As in the gland that has important functions in digestion and metabolism? CU..

Sloane and Cameron turn slowly. He turns to the cab. MUSEUM. 127 INT. OVERHEAD SHOT The main gallery is crowded with school kids. MUSIC COMES UP. MUSEUM. EXT. 127 126 . SLOANE. INT. Cameron. Among the second graders are Ferris.cab is waiting. CAMERON They turns on cue at Tom. Sloane and Cameron slowly approach the cab. STREET. CAB Tom and his party are still jawing at curbside. Sloane and Cameron. RESTAURANT Tom and his guests watch in bewilderment at their cab takes off. CU.G. INT.. Ferris. Tom's back it to Ferris. Sloane and Cameron come out of the restaurant. FERRIS No way. holding hands looking like giant grade schoolers. INT. turns toward the restaurant. CAMERON We're gonna get nabbed.000 restaurants in the downtown area and I pick the one my father goes to. The Ferris hops the cab. DISPLAY CASE Baby chicks are hatching in a huge. Sloane. Cameron dashes in. for sure. Ferris.G. MUSEUM. The bold survive. They approach the cab. EXT. CAB DOOR HANDLE A man's hand reaches for the handle as the cab pulls away. FERRIS. MUSEUM OR SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY The grand old Chicago museum. In the B. FLOOR A class of kids walking along holding hands. CAB Ferris slams the door. Only the meek get nabbed. round incubator. Behind the backs of the men. Ferris stops cold. Ferris scoots Sloane into the cab. The door's open. 126 EXT. Let's go. FERRIS 40. now in the B.

CU. the screw turns. clutching his heart. Ferris and Cameron ride in the coal train in the coal mine replica. MUSEUM. it's a beautiful day. CAMERON Sloane wants to cry. we've won our freedom. A tiny human being in a jar. Ferris and Sloane are making out. FERRIS. INT. CAMERON (VO) Are you guys worried about nuclear war? FERRIS (VO) Cameron. 128 EXT. INDUSTRIAL DISPLAY Sloane operates a metal press to produce a tin ashtray. He checks to see if he's being watched then he presses a button and pulls a lever. looking down the fetid. The MUSIC ENDS. green swath of water. INT. SLOANE. Cameron's stomach is in his throat. HUMAN FETUS IN A BOTTLE The famous stages of life display which features bottled fetuses. MUSEUM. INT. A boat is rolling up the man-made canyon. we're traveling down one of American's most scenic polluted waterways and you have to bring up nuclear war? SLOANE (VO) 128 . INT. SLOANE (remorsefully) I wonder if he has a name? FERRIS (blank) Ninth Month. CHICAGO RIVER.Ferris and Cameron are intently watching the process. Ferris staggers out of it. CU. feigning a massive heart attack. LONG. walk-thru replica of a human heart. PROPELLER For the first time in forty years. Ferris is lost in thought. HEART REPLICA A giant. COAL MINE Sloane. CU. MUSEUM. The ninth month. GERMAN U-BOAT Ferris is examining the controls of the captured U-Boat. HIGH SHOT From the Merchandise Mart.

They used to have the oil crisis stuff and Iran. That's over and people have to have their big issue. EXT. Everybody's dead. it's real cold and the skiing's for shit. SLOANE (VO) Yeah. The possiblity of global destruction. We do know. I'm not worried about it at all. The boat makes the turn in the river and CLEARS FRAME. It's with us every day. Cam. FERRIS (VO) We don't know when the bombs going off. however.It is kind of raggy subject. SLOANE (VO) Don't you think it's an issue because people need something to worry about? They have to like. Very casual. All the old hippies are full of shit. Their feet are up on the railing. you know. very relaxed. deadly serious) Do you know what a nuclear winter is? Long beat.. that college starts in the fall. It's not like somebody came up with the nuclear holocaust yesterday at noon. CAMERON (VO) (dramatic. have some major problem that puts all their little bullshit into some kind of persepective? CAMERON (VO) Maybe. FERRIS He's full of shit. SLOANE My step-father's always going off about how when he was young he was committed to all these causes. SLOANE (VO) To answer your question. CAMERON (VO) Regardless.. BOAT DOCK The three are sitting on the aft deck of the tour boat. .No. Discussing the end of the world. FERRIS They used to have Viet Nam.

fatty meats and money. It's chilling to see people crazed with the minutia of their past. CAMERON It's human nature to like what you had better than what you have. Cameron looks over the side of the boat. LOUDSPEAKER. An obtuse thought flashes through Sloane's brain. FERRIS Lean over and grab a fish.SLOANE He says I don't care about things like he did. CAMERON You know. FERRIS I rest my case. LOUDSPEAKER TO YOUR LEFT IT THE WORLD'S TALLEST BUILDING. . CAMERON What's spooky is they still control everything... FERRIS One of the most frightening experiences of my young life has been observing my parents and our neighbors playing the Baby Boom Edition of Trivial Pursuits. this is all very interesting but I'm starving. SLOANE Agreed. FERRIS. A loud speaker on the boat identifies a point of interest. CAMERON I feel better now. SLOANE. They took over when they were young and they never gave it up. FERRIS What's he care about now? SLOANE Baldness. CAMERON The Sears Tower. The three look to the left. FERRIS An hour ago you wanted to yack.

When's he back? SECRETARY I don't know. SECRETARY Hello.SLOANE What comes after a nuclear winter? FERRIS Nuclear spring. Jeanie.. 130 INT. Rooney peels off his shades and looks around like he's Dirty Harry. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement.. 131 INT. Who's bothering you now? Jeanie scowls at her. SCHOOL Meanwhile. JEANIE It's reprehensible to squeal on your own flesh and blood. Slide across to the sidewalk.. Jeanie walks in. CU. 129 EXT. He left the grounds on personal business..but it's for his own good.and it'll continue to piss me off and I'll get so wadded-up that it'll cause cervex cancer and he'll ruin my life. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE Jeanie is having a small moral debate with herself. JEANIE Is Dean Rooney in? SECRETARY I'm sorry. CURB 132 131 130 129 A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops. 132 EXT. Can I help you? JEANIE (condescending) I seriously doubt it. Screw him. Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his bile-green LeBaron.. STREET. he's out.. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE Rooney's secretary is behind her desk. FIRE HYDRANT . The secretary looks up and greets her with a weary smile. His cavalier attitude will get him into trouble later in life. She slips into the Dean's outer office. In his mind he is Dirty Harry. CU.

ROONEY (OC) Your ass is mine. She picks up her Coke. It look sort of like Ferris. ROONEY He's still staring. 133 INT. HIS POV A young person is playing a video game in a far corner. He can't think of anything to say. He stares at the girl. The player turns around. ROONEY (OC) I've been waiting a long time for this. CU. It's a GIRL. Rooney pushes his way in and scopes the crowd. secretaries. STREET Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy hot dog joint. He smiles and cuts into the crowd. GIRL She stares at him. CU. The player looks up. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD MOVE IN on the player. GIRL Holding the straw in the mouth. CU. CU. She puts the straw to her lips and sucks. HOT DOG STAND It's jammed with construction workers.Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. ROONEY The blood evacuates his face. CU. He ties his lace and pulls up his sock. pointing it directly in Rooney's face. EXT. ROONEY He squints CU. CU. CU. It's loud and confusing. ROONEY He suspects it's Ferris. she draws it out of the cup. suburban businessmen. GIRL 133 . She raises it.

INT. NAPKIN HOLDER A hand yanks a napkin hold. what's left to do? Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. He does a little celebration dance. A kid makes a stab at the ball. SLOANE Can we leave now? FERRIS You want to leave? We just got here. Cameron's scarfing nachos. The TV camera returns to the game. SLOANE No wonder you're always sick. 134 EXT. 134 . SERVICE COUNTER Rooney wipes his face. The TV camera follows the ball into the stands. ROONEY What's the score? HOT DOG MAN Zero to zero. ROONEY Who's winning? HOT DOG MAN Cubs. WRIGLEY FIELD. HOT DOG STAND. It's Ferris. you broke your thumb. Rooney wipes his suit off. Rooney nods and exits. She looks at them with disgust. FERRIS I think I broke my thumb. There's a long foul ball. CU. Behind him is the kitchen and a grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game. Rooney glances at the screen. SLOANE You got a call. STANDS Ferris sits down with the baseball. Rooney wads up the napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. puts his hands behind his head and turns his face to the bright sun. He shakes his stinging paw. The TV camera zooms in on the boy triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. Ferris leans back.She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face.

He's leading the girls in singing. CAMERON It's hard not to. HIGH SCHOOL.. (pause) Ferris? You're overshadowed me long enough. he has to admire Ferris for his lack of inhabitions.FERRIS Do you realize that if I played by the rules. Cameron breaks a smile. I'm gonna get you. Cameron mumbles a few words. EXT. Selfish little moron. SLOANE Do you believe in reincarnation? CAMERON Huh? . A blue Fiat pulls into the shot. buddy. JEANIE I can't believe my brother's making me put myself in a position where I could get expelled.. Figure skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines on pavement. Marching bands. As worried as he is about the day and getting caught. FIAT Jeanie's at the wheel.water. right now I'd be in gym? 135 EXT.want. FLOAT Riding atop on a float is Ferris.. Floats and politicians. He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens. It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY. school kids. SLOANE I love him. They wave to him. PLAYING FIELD A boy's gym class is doing laps. EXT. CAMERON Stop. "DANKE SHOEN". 137 EXT. STATE STREET. STATE STREET. She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot. STATE STREET 137 136 135 A parade is underway... He's waving to the crowd. She sneaks a glance at the school.. SLOANE AND CAMERON They're watching Ferris go by. drum and bugle corps. soldiers. 136 INT.

CAMERON Hannibal. CAMERON What were you in a previous life? SLOANE I'm not sure but I think I know who Ferris was. FLOAT Ferris is on his knees. STATE STREET Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation. The guy who rode the elephants into Switzerland. Cameron nods. EXT. shaking hands with people in the crowd. SLOANE I could see him ignoring popular belief and taking off on some impossible mission. STATE STREET. he was Magellan. SLOANE DO you ever wonder what you were? CAMERON I don't have to wonder. Sloane looks at him with amazement. Sort of. You know. reaching down from the float. CAMERON I was a tractor tire. Sloane laughs at herself. I know. SLOANE I think if he was anybody. SLOANE From the A-Team? CAMERON No.SLOANE Do you believe that you lived before? CAMERON Yeah. FERRIS Guten tag. the guy who went around the world. dude! EXT. . They step out of the crowd and head down the street in the direction the parade's heading.

SLOANE College. Ferris can do anything. COME ON. SLOANE True. STATE STREET.CAMERON Yeah. BABY ON! COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT! GIRLS WORK IT ON OUT! EXT. There's nothing he can't handle. SHAKE IT UP. CAMERON Yeah. parents. but it's an option. BABY FERRIS TWIST AND SHOUT! GIRLS TWIST AND SHOUT! FERRIS COME ON. I can't handle anything. COME ON. STREET. NOW! GIRLS SHAKE IT UP. CAMERON That's a pretty grim thought. BABY. CAMERON I don't know what I'm gonna do. SLOANE AND CAMERON They continue their conversation. FERRIS WELL. No options is worse. SLOANE The future's worse for a boy. FLOAT Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian. everything works for him. but to do what? . SLOANE A girl can always bail out and have a baby and get some guy to support her. As long as I've known him. School. the future. EXT. isn't it? Cameron doesn't understand what she means. The girls on the float are singing.

STREET. It's infecting the entire parade. The sons is taking over all the other tunes in the band. CHOIR GROUP . TEENAGER COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT. NEWSPAPER SELLER TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER He singing along. CAMERON What do you think Ferris is gonna do? EXT. BLACK TEENAGER He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat.SLOANE What are you interested in? CAMERON Nothing. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER He's singing. STREET. EXT. WOMAN YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE! TODDLERS LOOK SO FINE! EXT. STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along. We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT" GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER. SLOANE Me either. MARCHING BAND They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT. PUNKS LOOK SO GOOD! EXT. STREET. PUNKS A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk. STREET. They walk on for a few beats. STREET. POLICE OFFICER YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD! EXT. STATE STREET.

WIDE AND HIGH The entire parade is at frenzy pitch. STREET CLEANERS With their brooms ready. FERRIS AH! EXT.They're marching down the parade. VETERANS AH! EXT. Like the opening shot in Star Wars. Suddenly. STREET. The Starship Ferrari. VIEWING STAND The CLERGYMEN stand. CHOIR AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! EXT. CLERGYMEN AH! EXT. STREET. SLO-MO. PARADE AHHHHH! The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE. Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. POLITICIANS AND WIVES AH! EXT. gritty waterfront.. STREET. STREET. STREET. 138 EXT. STREET. STREET CLEANERS KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! EXT. DECK The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT". STREET. Grim. They're singing in their angleic voices. VETERANS Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms.. CALUMET CITY The Port of Chicago. EXT. FLOAT Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale. VIEWING STAND The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up. 138 .

Mouth open. EXT. excited smiles. Maniac at the wheel. The car's shadow passes over them. STREETS. SLO-MO. CU. tongue out. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. CAR GRILLE It fills the frame and stops. FRONT PORCH The house intercom activates.CU. ROONEY This is Ed Rooney. HOUSE. 140 INT. HOUSE. The doorbell rings. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney behind the wheel of his car. CU. SLO-MO. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. looks up and down the street. KIDS They're looking up in the air. I could take a nasty spill down the 142 141 140 139 . FOYER Rooney's at the front door. We see him peek in a window at the top of the door. 141 INT. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition. FERRIS' ROOM. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE. 139 CU. COMPUTER It acknowledges the doorbell. I'd like to have a word with you. SLO-MO. CU. RASTAMAN His eyes are closed. 142 EXT. EXT. Broad. PARKING ATTENDANT His eyes are wide with exhilaration. Ferris. He looks at the house. then crosses to Ferris' house. Big smile. FERRIS' HOUSE Rooney gets out of his car. SLO-MO. CASSETTE PLAYER It clicks on. FERRIS Who is it? Rooney presses the intercom. following the car as it flies over them. HOUSE.

ROONEY B. Thank you for stopping by. KITCHEN Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window. Rooney presses the intercom again. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day. ROONEY Don't get smart with me Ferris! FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now.S. Come down here. I appreciate your concern for my well-being.stairs and subject myself to further school absenses. FERRIS' VOICE You may reach my parents at their places of business. Rooney rings the doorbell again. HOUSE. HOUSE. 144 INT. He can't quite figure out what's going on.. There's a pause. It will be remembered long after this illness has past. Ferris. But's it's highly suspicious. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside.. Rooney leans back from the door. The pre-recorded litany starts over. 144 143 . His voice clicks off. FERRIS' VOICE You can reach my parents at their places of business. There's no response. Rooney presses the intercom. FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording. 143 INT. ROONEY I'm not leaving until you come down and talk to me. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition. ROONEY I'm not leaving. LIVING ROOM Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows. Rooney presses the intercom again.

. one goes the other. I'm losing respect for you by the bucket. BACKDOOR A black rubber doggie door. 146 CU. Really. nearly deserted strip joint. He hears the dog. this is nauseating me. Through the kitchen. HIS POV Along the kitchen floor. It will be remembered long after. 145 EXT. for Christ's sake. FERRIS AND SLOANE They're sitting in a booth in the garish. CAMERON How does she do that? One goes one way. FERRIS Have a nice day.FERRIS' VOICE I appreciate your conern for my well-being.. into the dining room. I'm talking about 146 145 . HOUSE. SLOANE Ferris. ROONEY He's peaking through the door. LARGE BREASTS Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers. We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL. FERRIS She's probably schizophrenic. Rooney is crouched down. Cameron's mouth is open in amazement. CAMERON. CU. He lifts the doggie door and peeks in the house. DOGGIE DOOR A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of gnashing teeth and foam. The type that allows a dog to come and go as it pleases. FERRIS You don't think it's amazing that we got in? SLOANE Who wants to get in? FERRIS Cameron looks like a toddler. His face freezes. CU. EXT. Sloane is embarrassed and revolted. HOUSE.

A parent. He climbs up on the little runway. You seemed to change. Maybe she lost somebody. FERRIS Maybe her life fell apart. A child. The club lights go down. Then came act two. you lies when you said you loved me and I had no cause to doubt you. I loved you at first glance. It's a terrible thing. the stage is bare and I'm standing there with emptiness all around and if you won't . He strolls slowly through the empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of blue light. FERRIS Honey. Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness. A lover. with you as my sweetheart.. someone said the world's a stage and each must play a part. curls his lip and affects an Elvis impression. do-wop track FADES UP. The stripper disappears in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight. He flips his collar up. I've never known. And SAT scores and acne aside. And why. You read your lines so cleverly and never missed a cue. But consider why she does it.a major achievement in false identification. FERRIS Point well taken. That sex is all I think about. Why she does it and you don't. We think about love and matters of the heart. Fate had me playing in love. I think alot of people my age are. But that's not true. SLOANE I'm not a tramp. Now. Act one was when we met. I feel it. A sappy. (to CAMERA) This kind of thing makes me a little depressed.. SLOANE I'm not interested in watching someone jiggle their mammary glands. You may think because I'm the age I am that I'm a sex maniac. A boyfriend. FERRIS You know. I'm a romantic. And we feel it. You acted strange. we worry about lonliness. But I'd rather go on hearing your lies than to go on living without you. Ferris stands up from the booth.

. then they can bring the curtain down. He HIS POV The Attendant and the Rastaman are glowering at him. ATTENDANT You looking for something in my car? CU. MICHIGAN AVENUE Afternoon traffic. He's studying it. Ferris lip synchs with the big. CAMERON'S CAR Cameron's father is looking looks terribly familiar. He freezes. He reaches for the glovebox to if it's his. CAMERON'S FATHER No. 147 EXT.. JEANIE I'm gonna microwave his nuts. . 150 INT. ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? Ferris drops his head. She's shaking her head slowly. CU. TAXI CAB 150 149 148 147 at the car. dramatic florish that was the King's trademark ballad sign-off. 149 EXT. JEANIE She's furious. HER POV Spray-painted on the town water tower in gigantic black letters -. CAMERON'S FATHER He shakes his head. Her mouth's open.SAVE FERRIS BUELLER. DOWNTOWN STREET. ELVIS IS YOUR HEART FILLED WITH PAIN? SHALL I COME BACK AGAIN? TELL ME DEAR.. JEANIE Jeanie's standing at her car. FERRIS' TOWN. Elvis fades up. no. The orignal recording. It leans into the open car and see if the contents will confirm looks up slowly. Like the King would. 148 EXT.come back to me.. They're holding bags of fried chicken. She's staring incredulously into the distance.

. FERRIS Clearly you've never been to an American high school. Yuri.Ferris. FERRIS That hurts. He leans forward and reads the driver's name off the city license. but it means my ass. Ferris is talking to the DRIVER. Ferris. CAMERON It's getting late. Ferris. He puts his arm around Sloane. a submarine. Cameron's been a good sport. FERRIS So. seventy five dollars . Ferris sits back. FERRIS What's your overall impression? DRIVER It's very good here. how long have you been in America? DRIVER One year. FERRIS Better than Russia? DRIVER Much better here than in Russia. FERRIS You think I don't care? CAMERON I know you don't care. I have to get the car home.. Cameron on the other. Cameron. I know you don't care. FERRIS Cameron. SLOANE Jump back. a giant heart. FERRIS You saw four states. Sloane's in the middle. what'd you see today? Cameron looks at him. FERRIS So. Ferris is on one window. Sloane and Cameron in the backseat of a checker.

CAB. Thinks. He's baffled. He turns and looks right into CAMERA. feet up on the seat. She turns and glances out the window. Ferris realizes he's looking at something out the window. He freezes. SLOANE Roast! She licks her finger and touches Ferris knee. FERRIS What?! Sloane bursts out laughing. with their backs to the back of the front seat. FLOOR. On their asses. HIS POV In the gridlock traffic. major league baseball and. INT. HER POV Tom stares at her.. He looks away. Fakes a yawn. Cameron and Ferris are on the floor. She makes a . He pauses. He's about a foot from Ferris. He's frozen. looking bored. Turns back to CAMERA. TOM'S POV Ferris' frozen face. In that cab is Tom. FERRIS (to Sloane) What's he doing? SLOANE (revolted) He's looking at me and he's licking the glass and making obscene gestures with his hands.. Looks up. FERRIS' POV Tom glances back at his paper. He turns. TOM'S POV Sloane is sitting where Ferris was. She's wearing sunglasses. (quizical look) Are you gonna chuck your nachos? Cameron's staring past Ferris. their cab is squeezed tight alongside another cab. two of the most incredible breasts ever to come out of modern plastics.worth of cooked pancreas.

A DELIVERY MAN gets out iwth a huge floral arrangement. He turns and slowly raises his newspaper over his face. The delivery man hops up on the steps. you worthless mutt! HIS POV The Rottweiler leaps at CAMERA.tits.. 152 EXT. Tearing it apart. She collapes on the seat in hysterics. HOUSE. He's looking in at the dog. CITY STREET Ferris is leading the way down Michigan Avenue. He's hustling through the crowd. DOG The Rottweiler's chewing on a shoe. FERRIS' HOUSE. He's missing a shoe.00 dress shoe.please. TOM He can't quite figure out what's going on. TOM'S CAB Tom's looking into Ferris' cab. Cameron follows. He keeps bumping into people. HIS POV Sloane's bouncing up and down.. FRONT A florist truck pulls up in front of the house. CAMERON Money. 154 EXT. He has Sloane by the hand. ROONEY He's standing outside the fence. BACKYARD. Rooney looks up at him. ROONEY That's a $28. We see on the back of the paper a small story with the headline: COMMUNITY RALLIES AROUND SICK YOUTH. She's jogging to keep up. mumbling again. 154 153 152 151 . INT.sizzling sound. PORCH Rooney's sitting on the porch patting a bloody knee with his handkerchief.. 151 EXT. HOUSE. He heads up to the house. His suit pants are torn from the crotch to the knee. His suit coat pocket is torn off. CU.. Cameron's a few steps behind. 153 EXT.. BACKYARD. He greets Rooney cheerily. Ferris and Sloane make the turn at Wacker Driver and disappear into the Stone Container Building. EXT.. His hair's messed and there're grass-stains on his knees and elbows.

..DELIVERY MAN Howdy! He presses the doorbell. He's very popular. ROONEY What? FERRIS' VOICE . (continues) I don't know the details. DELIVERY MAN What's your problem? ROONEY He's one of my students. Thank you for stopping by. DELIVERY MAN Little bugger's dying. I could take a nasty spill and subject myself to further school absenses. DELIVERY MAN Focus on Flowers. (pause) You can reach my parents at their places of business. But my boss had to send to Milwaukee to get more orchids.that in my weakened condition. DELIVERY MAN . I'm very ill and I'm afraid. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day.. asshole. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry but I can't come to the door right now. Rooney is flabbergasted. I appreciate your concern for my wellbeing. DELIVERY MAN (to the intercom) Thank you. I have a delivery.. DELIVERY MAN As I heard it from our mailman he was supposedly born with only half a kidney. DELIVERY MAN Nobody's home here? ROONEY No. A beat and we hear Ferris' recording... FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? The Deliver Man presses the intercom. It will be remembered long after this illness has passed. ROONEY It's a recording.

. Then he looks at the Delivery Man. (pause) I have a guest with me today. is sitting behind his microphone.J. I don't know who that was or what they were playing but I apologize for it nonetheless. 157 EXT. 156 INT. Christ. ROONEY (defeated) Oh.. Rooney looks incredulously at the arrangement. DELIVERY MAN Gotta run. D..J. FACULTY AND STAFF 155 INT.You gonna be around for awhile? ROONEY I imagine so. DELIVERY MAN (happy sigh) It really touches me that so many people are rallying behind this guy. His name is Ferris Mueller.. STUDIO. CU. He hands the arrangement to Rooney. He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck. RADIO STATION STUDIO The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D. CARD It's signed: ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY THE ENGLISH DEPT. FERRIS 157 156 155 .J. D. DELIVERY MAN You wanna keep an eye on these? Rooney looks at the flowers. FERRIS' HOUSE Jeanie's car pull in the driveway. We hear her car radio. He opens the attached card. FERRIS He put his headphones on. I guess there's hope for the human race afterall.

I'm the first Chicago area youth 159 158 . Unlike television which provides the images. I have what I consider to be an excellent broadcast voice. I practise it in the bathroom all the time. Ferris turns to CAMERA. I used to play records and do introductions to them. (pause) You know this. Her eyes blink. (clears his voice. I think radio's a facinating medium. CAR ANTENNA The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in the air.. D.000 watt outlet. radio. JEANIE She goes into shock. FERRIS I'm going to tell a massive lie here. 159 INT. SCHOOL A group of kids are sitting around a blaster.. STUDIO Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone. FERRIS' VOICE ..J.. FERRIS It's cool. I'm going out to several million people so let me just say. Steve. I'm in a very pleasant groove right now.. CU. speaks into the mike.Bueller. her head cocks. 158 INT. affects a "radio" voice) Well. D. it's always been a dream of mine to be on the radio. Ferris Bueller. Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio. you and your listeners are probably not going to believe this but. CAR.. He has an incredible story. Sorry about that. But I've never had the chance to sit behind a microphone and try it out for real. This is a 50. it challenges the imagination. It's going to by very thick and very steamy.J. Anyway. INT.

remember? He turns back to the DJ. 161 INT. FERRIS HOUSE. They're cheering him on. Heller looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny out of my nose or something and I realized what the hell I was doing and I went to put it out and hit the mail box. which was not in any way. 162 EXT. Anyway. BACKYARD. pulled out of the lot. that I got in the driver's ed. After I got flunked in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail box. car. But I can't prove it? I'm in high school.J.to be selected to participate in a space shuttle mission. How did you get picked for this. shape or from my fault. I was putting out a cigarette. But I had to work at Burger King to get the cash to pay for the driver's ed. 160 INT. EXT. I took it again and passed. car and spaced completely. HALLWAY A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster. STUDIO Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA. The broken pieces are all around the dog's head. FERRIS I was going to say I knew Springsteen's home phone number and I was going to give out the number of the New Jersey State Police but I thought I might get busted. like I was told. because I'm not allowed to smoke at home. I was so pissed off at her reaction to the whole thing that I considered running an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna use Mrs. FERRIS' HOUSE. The flower arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog. BACKYARD 162 161 160 The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn. lit up a 'boro and Mrs. I'm so used to getting in a car and lighting up. It was weird. FERRIS It's kind of a long story but I've been doing alot of programming for NASA. The car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and I think Rooney pocketed the cash. ROONEY . Heller's home number but is cost too much. D. SCHOOL.

. He hears something in the house. He looks around the foyer and heads into the kitchen. Do you know where she is? Do you know when she'll be back? Do you know anything? She slams the phone down. She stomps in and turns off the snoring synthesizer. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie kicks the door open. JEANIE Is Mrs. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. HOUSE. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs.. HOUSE. The yardstick flings the covers and the pillows beneath them in the air. She's startled by a noise downstairs. ROONEY His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge.He's smiling with great satisfaction. CU. FRONT Rooney sneaks around the side of the house. 164 EXT. pooch. HOUSE. JEANIE The worm has luck like clams have body odor. JEANIE I knew it! She grabs the phone and sits down. ROONEY Sleep tight. Bueller there? Where is she? This is her daughter. FOYER Rooney sneaks into the house. HIS POV A glimpse of a fleeting figure. 167 INT. He peeks in. The front door's open. HOUSE. 165 INT. His head snaps around. 167 166 165 164 163 . A smile spreads across her face. 166 INT. 163 INT. He's back and she's going to nail him. She dials a number. He slinks up on the porch. He drops down and peek in the windows.

173 .J. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an intruder. HOUSE. She flees back up the stairs. CAR Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear. 168 169 INT.168 INT. 171 172 INT. He hits the deck. 173 INT. you can really have something to be proud of. INT. KITCHEN Rooney comes out of the den. CAR Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house. back into the kitchen. 170 171 INT. HOUSE. I'm pretty flattered. EXT. JOYCE If you're willing to commit a little time and a little money to this place. KITCHEN 172 Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face. FERRIS' VOICE My input on the Star Wars defense plan was pretty substantial so I guess this is their way of rewarding me. Jeanie squeals in horror. CAR Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to the radio. CAR Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the car. VOICE Can you stay around and take a few phone calls? FERRIS' VOICE I'd really like to but I have a kidney operation in about an hour. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in the face. EXT. FOYER Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer. HOUSE. He crosses back toward the foyer. D. 169 170 INT. KITCHEN Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den. FOYER Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen.

I think you'd like him. BOYD Is he going up in the space shuttle in September? Joyce looks around at Boyd. JOYCE His name is Ferris. She gives him a curious look. how are you bearing up? The kid stares at her. Ferris Bueller. VOICE I wish you the best of luck. INT. BOYD How do you watch your mouth? JOYCE Do you know my son? .J. D. JOYCE (to the kid) Well. D. Steve. Boyd. JOYCE Not that I know of. VOICE A very interesting guy. FERRIS' VOICE Thanks. MOTHER Watch your mouth. She opens the car door. Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name. The clients get in the other side. A song starts. Joyce gets in.Don't let the black living room throw you off. JOYCE Did I tell you I have a son your age? BOYD Twice. BOYD I knew he was bullshitting.J. CAR The door opens.

If you have any brains whatsoever.FATHER Don't pay any attention to him. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. 174 INT. Jeanie's face drops. JEANIE It's real nice that you hope my brother's feeling better but I'm in danger. Rooney stiffens with fear. I need help! 175 INT. JEANIE'S VOICE I'd also like to add that I have my father's gun. We HEAR TIRES 177 176 175 174 . I think it's fun. I'd rather not have it violated or killed. you'll get your ass out of my house real quick. In the distance SIRENS WAIL. It's parked in front of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with parking citations. The intercom goes on. okay? I'm very cute. possibly armed. PARKING LOT The three are waiting for the Ferrari. She's in a panic. If whoever's in the house is still in the house. He thinks it's cute to bait adults. Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car. JEANIE This is not a phoeny phone call. 177 EXT. There's an intruder. male caucasian. 176 EXT. STREET Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck. And a scorching case of herpes. certainly weird. I'd like you to know that I have just called the police. JEANIE'S VOICE Excuse me. (pause) My name is Bueller. I'm very alone and I'm very protective of my body. BOYD I don't think it's cute. in our kitchen. There's another pause. KITCHEN Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel.

FERRIS Stunning! He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the passenger seat forward for Cameron. SLOANE We could go to my house. SLOANE What's next. INT. FERRIS Cameron? How many miles did you say this thing had when we left? CAMERON 178 . what was your top speed coming down the ramp? BLACK GUY (matter-of-fact) About 60. Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes. He glances down at the speedometer. CAMERON Nothing. We return the car. AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. A BLACK GUY jumps out. FERRIS This is probably the last time you'll have to ride back here. My parents aren't coming home until late. Keep that in mind. Ferris hands him the parking stub. then to the road. Ferris is driving and Cameron is crammed in the back. CAMERON Very funny. And back to the speedometer. FERRIS Just out of curiosity. DOWNTOWN STREET The Ferrari cruises through traffic. Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in. FERRARI Sloane's in the passenger seat. 178 EXT. Then the Ferrari pulls down the ramp and jams to a frightening stop.SQUEALING. FERRIS We have enough cash left for a quick flight to Peoria and back.

. Cameron. He's trembling. CU.One hundred and twenty six and halfway between three and four tenths. CU. He starts to breathe heavily. CU.7. INT. Why? How many miles are on it now? He glances down at the speedometer. Her gesture is one of genuine support. SPEEDOMETER The odometer reads 432. FERRARI Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron. FERRIS Hey. We'll fix it. It's okay. TRAFFIC The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. FERRIS He looks at Sloane. CAMERON He's still holding the stare. We HEAR A THUNDERING. MUFFLED SCREAM. CAMERON His eyes are frozen in a mindless. EXT. FERRIS (to CAMERA) Here's where Cameron goes berserk. SLOANE Cameron! Cut it out! What's wrong?! Ferris! CU. vacant stare. CU. He's concerned. EXPRESSWAY The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic. FERRIS He shoots Sloane a look. SLOANE She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms. EXT. SLOANE You okay? CU.

.. Her jaw goes slack. SLOANE Shut-up! It is a problem! For him it's a problem.FERRIS Cameron. She blinks her eyes. 180 EXT. just shut-up. The Ferris' tape is activated.you. HOUSE. thank you! She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door.. FOYER The doorbell rings. SLOANE What can I do. He knows what he's doing. She turns back to Cameron. God! Thank you. VOICE Anybody home? FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry that I can't come to the door right now. JEANIE Thank. Cameron? CU. But it's a problem for him! So. JEANIE I'm saved! Thank you. FERRIS Eyes front. Nothing's a problem for you. FERRIS VOICE Who is it? We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom. She whips it open. FERRARI Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris. HER POV 180 179 . Your old man won't know a thing. thank you. The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs. FERRIS' HOUSE... INT.. are you okay? It's no problem. FRONT DOOR The door swings open. It's completely fixable. 179 INT. really.

GIRL She looks at Rooney and smiles. CU. ROONEY He looks vacantly at her. CU. Rooney takes a deep breath.. The bus stops. He climbs aboard the bus.. ANOTHER KID Did you get in a fight? Rooney keep walking. The passengers are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and take an empty seat next to a skinny. Rooney! What're you doing? Rooney doesn't respond. 181 EXT. NURSE (sings) WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT WE. DRIVER You want a lift? Rooney takes a few more steps. The DRIVER calls out to him. myopic GIRL. A school bus is crawling alongside him as kids hang out the windows. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET Rooney's walking down the street. The door slams shut.The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the door with floral arrangements. She pushes her Coke bottle glasses up on her nose. 182 INT. A top forty montage. KID Hey. Mr. Spread all around them are more flowers. 182 181 . GIRL I'll bet you never smelled a real school bus before. A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps up on the porch. The bus doors open. GIRL She holds her smile. CU. BUS The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES. He stops. From inside we hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON BLASTERS.

ROONEY He turns him eyes to the front. She's stroking his hair. CU. BUS It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet street. ROONEY He stares at her. GIRL She holds up a candy package. ROONEY He looks across to the kid. GIRL They've been in pocket. I think Cameron might have blown a micro-chip or two. All I wanted to do . ROONEY He stares at her. They're real soft and warm. 184 EXT. 183 EXT. FERRIS This may very well be for real. BOY A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring at him. CU. Ferris WALKS INTO THE FOREGROUND. He's always been a little keyed-up. PARK 184 183 Cameron's laying on a picnic table. GIRL She puts one in her mouth. the SHOUTING RESUMES. Sloane's sitting beside him on the table. CU. He addresses CAMERA. The bus jerks forward and pulls away. FRESHMAN BOY It's kind of like being in the belly of the beast isn't it? CU. CU. The BLASTERS go back on.CU. CU. GIRL Gummi Bear? CU. BOY He leans forward.

And she's gonna treat him like shit because he's gonna kiss her ass for giving him what he's built-up in his mind as the end-all. How do I deal with that? I was serious when I said I'd marry her. . CU. It just doesn't work. He starts back to the picnic table. FERRIS I'm being tested here. FERRIS (VO) Cameron's never been in love. This isn't just teenage infatuation. FERRIS He looks to the picnic table. Sloane's stroking his hair. He's gonna marry the first girl he lays. Conventional wisdom would suggest a visit to the nearest trauma center. CU. I would. She won't respect him because you can't respect someone who kisses your ass. personally. At least no one's ever been in love with him. Then we have the summer. That's what my parents call it. the process of growing up will separate us. I'll take infatuation.was give him a good day. We follow him. SLOANE Ferris? CU. He begins to walk. SLOANE She's studying Cameron's face. She still has another year of high school. And we'll see each other at night and on the weekends but then he'll go to one school and I'll go to another. My. be-all of human existance. FERRIS My best friend has flipped-out. Then back to CAMERA. CAMERON His eyes are closed. As much as we like each other. She looks away. What do they call what they have? If that's love. FERRIS Sloane's a bigger problem. I wouldn't fault anybody for doing that. And basically that'll be it. He'll work and I'll work. We're gonna graduate in a couple of months.

I think this calls for something new, something bold, something wet and wild. 185 CU. JACUZZI JET UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles. CU. BLASTER A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES UP. CU. BEER CAN LID The finger pops a beer. CU. OREO PACKAGE A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper. INT. JACUZZI Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer. Sloane's eating Oreos. FERRIS You feeling any better, Cameron? SLOANE The water's really nice. I wish you'd come in. CU. CAMERON Staring into space. CAMERON Surgery...fire...move... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers her his beer. FERRIS Cameron? Do you think this because of the car or is it a combination of everything shitty in your life? CU. CAMERON He doesn't respond. CAMERON Music...kiss...attack... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS 185

Sloane sips the beer. FERRIS You just can't deal with anymore shit? The car took you into the red zone? Time for a reality check? SLOANE Cameron? I could flip real easy, too. There's nothing wrong with it. At one time or another, everybody goes to the zoo. FERRIS Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe he wasn't bullshitting himself. CU. CAMERON No response. CAMERON Gesundheit...God...mercy... EXT. BACKYARD Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend. CU. CAMERON He smiles. CU. SLOANE She leans forward and stares at Cameron. CU. FERRIS He cocks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to. CU. CAMERON He keels over forward. EXT. BACKYARD Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down, face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for him. UNDERWATER Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water. UNDERWATER

Ferris grabs Cameron's collar and rips him out of the water. EXT. BACKYARD Ferris sits Cameron on the edge of the Jacuzzi. FERRIS CAMERON! CU. CAMERON His eyes are closed. He's lifeless. CU. FERRIS His face is a mask of terror. He shakes Cameron. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. CU. CAMERON A smile spreads across his face. CU. FERRIS He sees the smile. He stops shaking Cameron. EXT. JACUZZI Ferris and Cameron are looking at each other. Sloane's still screaming. She realizes that Cameron's okay. She stops screaming. SLOANE What? FERRIS (Cameron) You asshole! Cameron's smiling. SLOANE What? Ferris starts to laugh. Cameron explodes with laughter. Sloane's bewildered. SLOANE What's so funny? 186 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 186

Jeanie's sitting on a wooden bench with a WASTED TEENAGE BOY in a Triumph t-shirt, long hair, torn jeans, creepers, studs and chains. He's studying her. BOY Drugs?

JEANIE I don't know why I'm here. are you here for drugs? Jeanie stares at him. . I'm straight. I've got the troubles. BOY You want to talk about your problem? JEANIE With you? Are you serious? BOY Yeah. JEANIE You really want to know what's wrong? The boy shrugs.JEANIE No. JEANIE Blow yourself. The boy crosses his legs. I'm serious. He understands the emotion. BOY I meant. JEANIE Alright. JEANIE Why are you here? BOY Drugs. Jeanie turns away. BOY Then why don't you go home? JEANIE Why don't you put your thumb up your butt? The boy stares at her. Jeanie looks back at him. Did you shoot him or something? JEANIE No. If you've got the time. not yet. In a nutshell. How's that? BOY That's cool. I hate my brother. The boy nods. thank you.

BOY So. BOY There's somebody you should talk to. BOY You know him? . Jeanie stares angrily at him. JEANIE If you say Ferris Bueller. BOY Then your problem is you. JEANIE Excuse me? BOY Excuse you.JEANIE I went home to confirm that the shithead was ditching school and a guy broke into the house and I called the cops and they picked me up for making a phoney phone call. It's just an opinion. You oughta spend a little more time dealing with yourself and a little less time worrying about what your brother does. The boy nods knowingly. JEANIE Why should he get to ditch school when everybody else has to go? BOY You could ditch. Partly because he's so bold and partly because he's so right. Jeanie stares at him threateningly. you're pissed at him because he ditches and doesn't get caught? JEANIE Basically. JEANIE I'd get caught. you lose a testicle. BOY What do you care if your brother ditches school? Jeanie stares at the boy.

Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage. The wheels are turning. The Ferrari is jacked up.CU. CAMERON I was just thinking was like. CAMERON If you guys only had one word. it doesn't make if the present 187 FERRIS I have a agree with you there. what would it be? FERRIS Sloane is naked before your eyes and you're thinking about words? SLOANE God bless you. FERRIS Bathroom. about the future. FERRARI TIRE It's spinning rapidly. CAMERON'S GARAGE Ferris. JEANIE'S HAND It curls into a fist. Ferris. answer his question. meditating. The engine's racing. . SLOANE Come on. CAMERON Thank you. Cameron. what would it be? FERRIS I can't believe you'd think up something like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi right in front of you. CAMERON I've been thinking all day that if you could only have the use of one word. I I was thinking And I realized and difference goes to shit. INT. The whole time things over. ACCELERATOR A brick's resting on the accelerator. holding it down. SLOANE Really. Sloane. CY. 187 CU.

It's a good choice.. FERRIS Hellos' generic. CAMERON Ferris? It's not working.SLOANE I'd say. She thinks. FERRIS Hello. Cameron peeks in the window. ODOMETER Nothing's happening. FERRIS And what is you loathe somebody? Are you going to say "love" every time you see them? SLOANE It's better than "hello". CAMERON The miles aren't coming off. Ferris looks up. GARAGE Cameron pulls his head out of the car. Cameron smiles at his wisdom. CU. INT. Ferris and Sloane think about it.. CAMERON It's the only word you could ever use. SLOANE You wanna be generic? CAMERON It's help. running it in reverse. SLOANE Love. CAMERON The word is help. . Cameron gets up and walks to the Ferrari. FERRIS Cash.

Let's crack open the odometer and roll it back by hand. FERRIS He turns to CAMERA. A $50. I will take a stand and I will defend it.FERRIS I thought that might be a problem. CAMERON He's serious and determined. against my family. INT. CAMERON Seventeen years and I've never taken a stand. CU. CU. CU. CU. SLOANE She smiles proudly at Cameron. He walks back around behind the Ferrari. FERRIS This is a big U-2 fan. CU. I'm gonna do it. TIRES It's spinning wildly. TIRE The spinning tires slam down on the cement. I'm taking a stand. I'm taking a stand against my father. He has made up his mind and it appears that it won't be changed by anyone but himself. MERCEDES BUMPER Cameron's foot rests on the bumper.000 . When my father comes home tonight. CU. It squeals out of the garage in a cloud of blue tire smoke. against myself. GARAGE Cameron has kicked the Ferrari off the jack. It's cool. She applauds him. Good or bad. he's finally going to have to deal with me. Now. A beat and it gives a mighty shove. my present and my future. CAMERON I got a better idea. I will not sit idly by as events that affect me unfold to change the course of my life. against my past. Cameron shakes his head.

SLOANE AND FERRIS They're in shock. GARAGE Ferris and Sloane exchange baffled looks. Cameron thinks for a moment. HOUSE The Ferrari shoots down the driveway. FERRIS What was that about? SLOANE This has to be a dream. TREE The Ferrari's brief journey ends as it smacks a tree trunk. CU. Why'd you do that? Cameron holds his proud posture for a beat.unmanned investment heading backwards down a driveway. He shoots a look to Ferris. Then a look of bewilderment comes over his face. He's strangely placcid about the impending disaster. Cameron. Cameron looks across the street. CAMERON It's okay. INT. A puzzled look. Ferris and Sloane are bewildered. Then he regains his confidence. They look at Cameron. You wrecked a car. FERRIS No. SLOANE Why? CAMERON I took a stand. THEIR POV The Ferrari travels down the driveway. across the street. INT. . FERRIS You trashed the car. CU. over the curb into the wooded property opposite the house. FERRIS Cameron? One quick question. EXT. He's proud and bold. GARAGE Cameron watches the car go.

OFFICER Oh. First. I can assure you that her father and I will have a long talk with her. The gathers her purse and jacket and stands. OFFICE Joyce is talking with the juvenile officer.Ferris looks across the street at the car. I appreciate your calling me. If you're interested. Second. CAMERON It's cool. He smiles. This is a shock to me. thanks. 188 INT. He raises am impish eyebrow. I'll use it. CAMERON I'm gonna handle it. Joyce looks at the officer curiously. JOYCE I hope so. I hope you son's feeling better. I think she'd had a good scare. JOYCE She's never been in trouble before. FERRIS I have an idea. JOYCE Thank you. He shakes his head. CAMERON No. I want to deal with it by myself. I don't know why she'd call you with this story about a rapist. 188 . I'm loose. by the way. SLOANE What about your one word? CAMERON You already did it. POLICE STATION. Cameron looks at him. OFFICER For whatever reasons she did it. we see Jeanie and the boy making out. on the bench. If I need it again. Outside the office. FERRIS I think this could work. I don't know why she wasn't at school.

He'll be okay. all the guys at the station here are pulling for him. young lady. Jeanie reaches down for her purse. BOY What's your name? JEANIE Jean. He had to so it. 190 EXT. FERRIS Yeah. 189 INT. JEANIE Hi.OFFICER Tell him. She's still a little bewildered that everybody knows Ferris was ill. Jeanie wipes her lips and sits up straight. BOY For sure. JOYCE Don't "hi" me. SLOANE I had a great time today. SLOANE You think Cameron's gonna be alright? FERRIS Sure. SLOANE'S BACKYARD Sloane and Ferris are standing at the back fence. I think we can probably get it on pretty good. The boy adjusts his pants to better hide his passion. I'd be worried if he'd 190 189 . WAITING ROOM Jeanie quickly breaks the embrace with the boy as Joyce steps out of the juvenile officer's room. JEANIE (to the boy) If you keep this to yourself. Jeanie stands up. Get your stuff. What's yours? BOY Garth Volbeck. His old man had it coming. I guess. It was pretty cool. POLICE STATION.

Ferris jumps the fence and takes off across the backyards. hits the diving board. He leaps. BACKYARD Ferris sprints across a backyard. I know it. springs off. CU. He kisses her. BEDSPREAD Neatly bundles stacks of bills and rolled coins. Sloane watches him go. FERRIS I'll call you tonight. A significant amount of cash.taken my idea. SLOANE I LOVE YOU! She backs away from the fence. Sloane nods. I'm just real loose. He jumps a plaster elf. does a flip and lands on the grass on the other side of the pool. SLOANE He's gonna marry me. She turns and runs into the house. He's approaching it from the side. MUSIC FADES UP. He runs directly for a swimming pool.. 193 CU. ". SLOANE You didn't have an idea.765. SLOANE You're so smart. It gives us great pleasure to assist 193 . A huge smile spreads across her face. ANOTHER BACKYARD 192 191 Ferris vaults a fence. did you? FERRIS Not a glimmer.33.in the amount of $1. Sloane smiles knowingly.. 192 EXT. SLOANE She's writing. CU. PIECE OF PAPER We see a portion of the typewritten letter as she signs it. FERRIS No. 191 EXT.

HOUSE. FERRIS' STREET He's running down the middle of the street. HIS POV Rooney's looking down at him. PORCH The outline of a key in the dirt under the mat. FERRIS He stares up in horror. A car honks. He's holding the house key. The Woman looks up curiously. CU. BACK PORCH Ferris tries the door. CU. 196 EXT. Sincerely. HIS POV. HOUSE Ferris runs through the kitchen. 197 EXT. Joyce pulls in from the other direction. He glances in the mirror. The car pulls around him. CU. fixing dinner and out her backdoor. The key's gone. past a WOMAN. It's locked. INT. EXT. Ferris moves to the side. Sloane Peterson Executive Director The Ferris Bueller Foundation" 194 EXT. An OMNIOUS CHORD IS STRUCK. He smiles. MIRROR We see Ferris cut across a front lawn and into a house. CAR. He parks and gets out. PORCH Ferris stands up. FERRIS' HOUSE Tom pulls in the driveway.you in performance of your worthy and much needed survives to those so desperately in need. Tom's at the wheel. He reaches down and lifts the doormat. 195 INT. The toe of a chewed-up dress shoe steps INTO FRAME. He does a take. TOM He realizes it couldn't be Ferris. 197 196 195 194 .

the backdoor opens. He smiles. His victory is evaporating. Ferris is caught. ROONEY His eyes dart from Ferris to Jeanie to Ferris. Jeanie looks out. CU. She rushes Ferris and hugs him. There's no way out. This time I finally got you. (to Ferris) You better get up in bed tight now. JEANIE Thank God. Rooney gloats severely. Mr. FERRIS A moment of curiosity. Ferris. ROONEY I got you. you're alright! We've been worried sick! CU. CU. EXT. Then it dawns on him what's happening. JEANIE . JEANIE Can you imagine someone as sick as Ferris trying to walk home from the hospital? (shakes her head) Kids! CU. Ferris limps into the house. She feigns joy and relief. JEANIE (to Rooney) Thank you for bringing him home. Rooney. ROONEY He's dumbfounded. PORCH Jeanie breaks the embrace. ROONEY How does another year of high school sit with you? Suddenly.ROONEY Looking for this? FERRIS Yes.

ROONEY He senses new danger. CU. FERRIS No. We hear AN O. A huge smile passes over her face. 200 199 198 . DOG The click of the door wakes him up. shit! Ferris takes out a bottle of orange juice out of the refrigerator and drinks straight from the bottle. 198 INT. CU. TODD Ferris? Does my head look like it's getting bigger? Ferris leans against the counter as he tries to catch his breath. Jeanie comes in. PORCH Jeanie steps into the house.C. KITCHEN Kimberly and Todd are sitting at the kitchen table watching TV and eating cereal. GROWL. 199 EXT. but Kimberly's is. He crosses to the refrigerator and opens it. Rooney squeezes his eyes shut. Kimberly feels her head. Not only has he lost Ferris again. EXT. CU. 200 INT. he has Jeanie to deal with next year. bewildered face. dejected. He looks at his little brother. They look up at Ferris as he comes in from outside. lost. HOUSE The door closes on Rooney's defeated. His head pops up off the grass. ROONEY A look of terror as he realizes that is was Jeanie who kicked him and that Jeanie knows it was he who she kicked. KIMBERLY (to Todd) Is he serious? TODD I think so.She raises her hands and strikes a karate pose. KIMBERLY Oh. YARD.

SECOND FLOOR LANDING Ferris and Jeanie stop. He affects a sickly voice. Ferris gives her a proud smile. HOUSE Joyce and Tom head up to the kitchen. 201 EXT. I've been ripping off your wallet for years.FERRIS Thanks. FERRIS It's completely cool. Jeanie. guys. 202 INT. JEANIE You don't have to. JEANIE I'm sorry I've been riding your buns for so long. JEANIE You don't have to. Ferris and Jeanie step gingerly through the flowers and head upstairs. JEANIE No problem. FOYER The foyer is jammed with floral arrangements. JOYCE (OC) Ferris! Ferris continues up the stairs. HOUSE. FERRIS I want to. I borrowed some cash from you. JOYCE (to Todd and Kimberly) Hi. Mom! 204 INT. plants and gifts. FERRIS Upstairs. 204 203 202 201 . KIMBERLY Is my head swelling up? 203 INT. FERRIS By the way. I'll pay you back. KITCHEN Ferris and Jeanie exit the kitchen as Joyce and Tom enter.

Joyce leans over and kisses him forehead. really. FERRIS The same deathly face he had in the morning. 205 INT. There's no point pushing yourself and making it worse. Tongue out. eyes bulging. Please. JOYCE How did you get so sweet? 205 . I want to go to school. FERRIS I'm much better. Joyce sits down. don't make me stay home again. TOM (OC) Ferris? How do you feel? He pulls in his tongue to speak. BEDROOM Tom and Joyce hover over him with deep concern. JEANIE Is he cool? FERRIS He's cool.. thank you.. No sooner are the covers over him than the bedroom door opens and Joyce and Tom walk in. FERRIS Maybe you're right. TOM I know I'm right. Dad. Ferris walks into the room. He climbs into bed. FERRIS (deathly gasp) 150% better. JOYCE Honey? CU. They walk over to the bed. TOM Ferris.JEANIE Do you know a guy named Garth Volbeck? FERRIS Vaguely. brushes the crumbs off his hands and peels off his shirt. I'm graduating in June and I. But stay away from his brother. You're sick.

He smiles.FERRIS Years of practice. Tom pats Ferris on the rump. A great big crazy ball of pure living. breathing joy and delight. He and Joyce exit. CU. FERRIS The hideous face. FERRIS (happy sigh) Yeah. MUSIC UP BIG END TITLES THE END . FERRIS You gotta get one. A beat and we HEAR THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSE. He rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his head. Ferris looks at CAMERA. life is a carousel.

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