Chapter 2: I hate myself I’m Second best: It was grade 6 or 7 when I practiced for rugby.

I had to go back the following day, but that clashed with tennis practice I had. I went to speak to the teacher with my mom, and basically had to make the choice between tennis and rugby. “What do you enjoy most?” This was a very deep question, worth considering… “What would my parents want me to choose?” “What choice would make them proudest of me?” You see, all I do is mostly for acceptance. This statement is so much truer then than it is now, for now, I do find that I still do things for acceptance, more than any other reason. “Well, there is more money in tennis, right? So, I guess I will continue playing tennis.” What nobody knew, though this sounded like the grownup decision – it did for me at that time, is that I knew, playing rugby, I had to go away on camps and trips, and feared the other boys. I never did fit in, never was just one-of-the-boys. Right, so tennis lessons started, and I played with our neighbor’s son – my age, and we were both equally good. Somehow I just normally lost (think it was due to match fixing), must be honest, we seldom saw eye-to-eye on where the ball landed, and I normally backed down when an argument ensued. Coming home time after time (there’s a song in that “time after time”), mostly the looser, my mom would greet me with “did you lose again?” or something in that line. To my great astonishment, my stepdad corrected her once, after hearing the score, saying that it was a close game, it might sound that he lost, but if it was 30:40 and he lost the last point, then it’s a close game! I didn’t know what to make of this: The only person left who loved me – my mom, was corrected /told to change her view of me, by the person who was supposed to love and accept me but never did! It never made sense. And so was my life, always second best.

I have a stepbrother and sister. Both are amazing, compared to me. I heard it, always did. Wow, whatever my stepsister put her hands to would turn to gold, not her fault, it’s God’s blessing on her, but I had to live in that shadow. We were at a braai once, and normally I just stayed with my mom, never felt comfortable with “the guys”, but for some inexplicable reason, I choose to walk with my stepdad and his son. Have you ever felt like a 3rd weal? Well, that is exactly how awkward and out-of-place I felt. I never was a son. Never did things with my dad. In fact, growing up, I used to walk behind him asking him constantly what I can do for him. At age 16 or 17 I was so tired of doing this, it made me nauseous, imagine having to constantly follow someone wherever they go, asking them if you could help them, assist them in some way, do something. Well, being a nobody and a nothing, that is what you have to do. When I did something, which was said I would not be able to do, and it was a success… nothing was said. Oh, and I used to make a few jokes, but no breath was lost on me! We were in the car one day – me, my mom and dad, and after making a joke, my mom turned to me and sarcastically said that I should rather refrain from making jokes, seeing that nothing I say is funny. This was more intended towards my dad than me, but what does a child know about sarcasm? After returning from a fishing trip with the neighbors, and the lady informing my mom that she never knew I was so funny, my mom relayed this to me. She was shocked to find out I was funny. Imagine that, your parents don’t know you are funny. So, just to recap, I hated myself, my name, all about me, my parents didn’t know me, I couldn’t do / say anything right, the only “love” in my life was a dog – apparently, was always 2nd worst, and I was born an illegitimate child.

Believe God has 2/3rd more for you (Rom 8:31 ESV) What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? (Rev 12:4 ESV) His tail swept down a third of the stars of heaven and cast them to the earth. And the dragon stood before the woman who was about to give birth, so that when she bore her child he might devour it. (Rev 12:5 ESV) She gave birth to a male child, one who is to rule all the nations with a rod of iron, but her child was caught up to God and to his throne, (Rev 12:7 ESV) Now war arose in heaven, Michael and his angels fighting against the dragon. And the dragon and his angels fought back, (Rev 12:8 ESV) but he was defeated and there was no longer any place for them in heaven. (Rev 12:9 ESV) And the great dragon was thrown down, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world--he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him. I’m struggling to start this chapter. It is such a vast revelation and it has been interpreted wrong by a friend to whom I shared it. For some reason (as we all know) God can do anything by Himself, but He choose to work in and through us. I was thinking of an example to give, and the best I could come up with was a King and His Kingdom: God is the King! What He says is Law! He can speak one word, think one thought, and it will bring into existence or fulfillment whatever He thought or said! That is the Almighty Power of God. This I know and believe. Yet, like an earthly king, He has subjects and media through which He wills and acts: Angels, messengers, nature and technology, the Blood of Jesus, the Holy Spirit, His Word and many more. Please don’t think that the revelation I am about to share is taking anything away from God, but rather, it is a revelation to me, that God is the Commander of the Armies of Heaven and that as His children – seated in Christ, we are princes, and when we pray to God, we pray that He will command those armies, we pray knowing that “If God (and all His Kingdom) is for us, who can be against us?” Here follows my revelation: If we look at Rev.12:4, we can see that 1/3rd of all the angels of Heaven were cast out. I/We can thus conclude that there are 2/3rd angels left in heaven, under the command of God! Isn’t that amazing? Is your spirit seeing this? Ok, this is how I implemented this to strengthen my faith in God! Just as the saying goes: We need to crawl before we can walk, run, jump, swing, climb stairs, skate, ski, so does my faith need to grab hold of something “tangible” from the Word of God. I do believe the Word of God is true, and I am not excluding any

scripture, rather, I am using this revelation as a tool to strengthen my faith in God’s living word.

Let’s take it one step further: (Mar 5:8 ESV) For he was saying to him, "Come out of the man, you unclean spirit!" (Mar 5:9 ESV) And Jesus asked him, "What is your name?" He replied, "My name is Legion, for we are many." Now, I don’t know about your faith, but I would be quite hesitant coming up against a spirit called “Legion”, as above scripture indicate. I shouldn’t be hesitant, for “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”, but still, it might be a stretch for MY faith. So, let’s apply the 2/3rd rule here: What was going on in Jesus’ mind? From my revelation I conclude: The unclean spirit said his name was “Legion”/ many. How many? The dictionary will tell you an indefinite number, and Jesus still cast Him out! Thus was the power and authority of Jesus, and we have that power and authority available to us. Jesus knew, and with spiritual eyes, saw that there were more angels to do His will than there were demons in this man to resist Him. Let’s say the person had 60 000 “unclean spirits” in him, then, in God’s army there would be 120 000 angels which we could call upon in the name of Jesus! So, for every 1 unclean spirit, there are 2 angels/messengers of God warring against them! In any given battle, in any given situation, there are 2/3rd more of God for us, than what is against us! An example: (Mat 26:50 ESV) Jesus said to him, "Friend, do what you came to do." Then they came up and laid hands on Jesus and seized him. (Mat 26:51 ESV) And behold, one of those who were with Jesus stretched out his hand and drew his sword and struck the servant of the high priest and cut off his ear. (Mat 26:52 ESV) Then Jesus said to him, "Put your sword back into its place. For all who take the sword will perish by the sword. (Mat 26:53 ESV) Do you think that I cannot appeal to my Father, and he will at once send me more than twelve legions of angels? Now, why would Jesus point to the fact of numerous angels to rescue Him, if He had the power to rescue Himself?

Because, God works through His ministering angels. (Mar 1:13 ESV) And he was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted by Satan. And he was with the wild animals, and the angels were ministering to him. (Heb 1:13 ESV) And to which of the angels has he ever said, "Sit at my right hand until I make your enemies a footstool for your feet"? (Heb 1:14 ESV) Are they not all ministering spirits sent out to serve for the sake of those who are to inherit salvation?

And the most practical example of them all: (Dan 10:11 ESV) And he said to me, "O Daniel, man greatly loved, understand the words that I speak to you, and stand upright, for now I have been sent to you." And when he had spoken this word to me, I stood up trembling. (Dan 10:12 ESV) Then he said to me, "Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand and humbled yourself before your God, your words have been heard, and I have come because of your words. (Dan 10:13 ESV) The prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me twenty-one days, but Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, for I was left there with the kings of Persia, (Dan 10:14 ESV) and came to make you understand what is to happen to your people in the latter days. For the vision is for days yet to come." You need to read from the beginning of Dan.10:1 to understand the above scripture fully, but I will explain. Daniel was fasting and mourning for 3 weeks. On the 21st day, an angel of the Lord came to Daniel and said to him…this is where v.11 starts. Everything that is said here has ref and spiritual connotation. The angel of the Lord was resisted by the prince of Persia from day 1, for 20 days of Daniel’s prayer. See this as a demon prince, set against the kingdom of God. God’s angel couldn’t break through until “Michael, one of the chief princes” (a chief angel of God) assisted this angel of God. Now, can you see how important it is to see, know and believe there are “more for us than against” us? There are 2/3rd more for us! When I am praying, I now ask God to send twice as many angels/messengers as there would be against His messengers, who are sent by Him, to fulfill his word. If I pray for our country, I now ask God to send 2/3rd more to raise up His people and to bring down the ungodly, than there is at work in/through the ungodly! (Psa 34:7 ESV) The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. Also, taking the above scripture – when I pray for good rest, work anything, I now include that God would send 2/3rd more than those who raise up against me, against His kingdom, against His children, against His teachers, mothers, fathers, children.

What chance does the enemy have, if we ask God –with each prayer, to send twice as many messengers to do His will, than there is to steel His word, destroy His church, families and seeds of faith? Furthermore: As I have said in previous (or still to come) chapters: As long as we are alive and breathing, it is God’s Spirit keeping us alive, because of His love for us, and because He doesn’t want to see anyone of us lost.

So, let’s apply the same truth to our bodies, and to those we pray for. (Rom 8:11 ESV) If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you. God knows the amount of germs in our bodies or in those who need healing. We can then pray that the Holy Spirit will rise up twice as many healthy cells as there are malicious cells, which are there to destroy us. We can pray for healing, spiritual release, release from bondage and fear, financial release, anything you can think of, you can apply the 2/3rd “rule”, in order to strengthen, stretch and build your faith. It always must come down to the fact that “God, please do this, because the result will be salvation, healing, freedom and/or praises to Your name!” Remember, whatever we do, we must do it in Faith. (Heb 11:6 ESV) And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. If you are in debt, God can help you to live free, believe that He has more stored-up in heaven for you, than you can ever dream or imagine; allow your faith to believe that God can give you 2/3rd MORE than what you are indebted with, or at the very least, trust and believe that God can provide you with enough to pay your debt! But let it be with a heart which will give God praise and thanks, and also ask Him for Wisdom to handle your finances. (Eph 3:20 ESV) Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, How many spirits will be setup against your work, your finances, your marriage, your children, your spouse, the leaders of your country? Do you think God can come against them? Do you believe God can send twice as many angels against each campaign you can think of in prayer? Do you think God will run out of angels?

If all the demons were to fight each against an angel from heaven, which side will fill the stands with “spectators” cheering them on? Only the hosts of heaven will have “spectators”, cheering them on, and as a matter of fact, after half-time, every angel can be “substituted” with another one!

Please Note: Let this 2/3rd revelation be training wheels; let it help your faith grow, and then, before you know it, you will not need to ask God for 2/3rd more, you will just pray, and each prayer will be founded upon the Rock, a revelation, a knowing, which was imprinted on your spirit and which you could never forget! We should never limit God by our own limitations. So, let this revelation be one to help you grow, but, as training wheels are done away with and become obsolete, let this revelation be one to show you more of God, but not limit you to what you can see and do through Him. Some people’s faith will be beyond my revelation, and they will not need what was said. Don’t let any teaching become “the ultimate”, for just as God is endless, so will His teachings, our growth and faith be endless in Him.

So, in man’s eyes we might be second best, but with God, we are surrounded by His armies, and we can call upon Him at any time! We are more than conquerors in Jesus. We are Sons of God! We are loved by God, and we are warriors, able (through faith in and prayers to the Father) to take back what the enemy stole from us. We need to believe the opposite of that which the enemy sold to us as a lie; we are NOT second best! (Rom 8:35 ESV) Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? (Rom 8:36 ESV) As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." (Rom 8:37 ESV) No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. (Rom 8:38 ESV) For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, (Rom 8:39 ESV) nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

If nothing can separate us from the love of Christ, then nothing can destroy that which the Father placed in us. The enemy trampled on the garden of our hearts, he tried to kill the seeds of God, but similar to God’s love, so are all the seeds of God: They can be trampled on, they can be smashed to the ground, but once we believe, once we invite the Life of the Spirit to shine on those trampled flours, there is nothing the enemy can do, to prevent Growth in us. God’s Spirit will produce life in us! “Father, I ask that you will come against each power which is setup against us – your children. I ask that you will send twice as many to be for us, than which is against us. I pray that you will protect each seed that you have placed in my heart, and that that which the enemy has trampled on, Father, I pray that you will send twice as many angels to protect that seed in me. Father, let your purposes grow in me, draw me near to you, and speak to me through your Spirit. Father, thank you that You love me, I love and adore you and all that you give and are to me. Praise you Father! Holy Spirit, come and make my heart you home, once again. Come and shine your light on everything the enemy tried to destroy within me, and bring New Life to those “dead” areas. Holy Spirit, Jesus came, so that we may have life abundantly. I want to live in that abundant life which you have for me. I want to fight for your Kingdom, for the salvation of the lost, for my country to be a shining light in the world and for the Bride of Christ! Holy Spirit, open my eyes, so that I may see how the Father sees me. Open my ears, that I might hear what You speak to me, give me understanding and wisdom to apply the lessons you teach me, and help me never forget Your truths!” (Joh 10:10 ESV) The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. Please read the following scripture, believe it, pray it for it is ours through Jesus. God’s word is true and these are promises! (Deu 28:1 ESV) "And if you faithfully obey the voice of the LORD your God, being careful to do all his commandments that I command you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth. (Deu 28:2 ESV) And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if you obey the voice of the LORD your God. (Deu 28:3 ESV) Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the field. (Deu 28:4 ESV) Blessed shall be the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground and the fruit of your cattle, the increase of your herds and the young of your flock. (Deu 28:5 ESV) Blessed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl. (Deu 28:6 ESV) Blessed shall you be when you come in, and blessed shall you be when you go out. (Deu 28:7 ESV) "The LORD will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before you. They shall come out against you one way and flee before you seven ways. (Deu 28:8 ESV) The LORD will command the blessing on you in your barns and in all that you undertake. And he will bless you in the land that the LORD your God is giving you. (Deu 28:9 ESV) The LORD will establish you as a people holy to himself, as he has sworn to you, if you keep the commandments of the LORD your God and walk in his ways.

(Deu 28:10 ESV) And all the peoples of the earth shall see that you are called by the name of the LORD, and they shall be afraid of you. (Deu 28:11 ESV) And the LORD will make you abound in prosperity, in the fruit of your womb and in the fruit of your livestock and in the fruit of your ground, within the land that the LORD swore to your fathers to give you. (Deu 28:12 ESV) The LORD will open to you his good treasury, the heavens, to give the rain to your land in its season and to bless all the work of your hands. And you shall lend to many nations, but you shall not borrow. (Deu 28:13 ESV) And the LORD will make you the head and not the tail, and you shall only go up and not down, if you obey the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you today, being careful to do them, (Deu 28:14 ESV) and if you do not turn aside from any of the words that I command you today, to the right hand or to the left, to go after other gods to serve them.