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The KGB Psychiatry Program

An Allegorical Tale

A Work of Fiction


Anthony J. Fejfar, B.A., J.D., Esq., Coif

© Copyright 2007 by Anthony J. Fejfar

Yuri Adropov was upset. His favorite program to destabilize the West was not

working out as well as he had planned. Although Yuri Adropov has been the Chairman

of the KGB for several years, this was the first time that his new program was being put

to the test. His KGB agent in place in place in London was doubling as an MI5

operative for Great Britain. The Conservative Party of Margaret Thatcher was in charge

in England and the KGB was taking advantage of the situation.

Andropov was chatting with Yuri Galinan, his agent in place in London, known in

England by his cover name of Dr. James Tucker. “Well, why hasn’t he committed

suicide yet, what is the problem?” “Barrister Forster is a tough nut to crack, he is

Catholic, and has tremendous powers of perserverance.” Said Galinan. “I know he is

Catholic, and political, and smart and a civil rights lawyer, that’s precisely why we went

after him.” Said Adropov. “The problem is that he keeps recovering from his mental

health problems and gets off the psychiatric ward and goes back into legal practice. This

has got to stop.” Adropov continued. “We are doing everything we can. When we started

out three years ago we put LSD, qualudes, and PCP, all hallucinogenic drugs in his milk

and orange juice, forcing him into psychiatric care. The problem is that he keeps getting

better. We have now switched tactics by placing camphor and arsenic into the capsules
which he thinks is his psychiatric medication. By all rights he should be dead. The

KGB people I work with, thinking that they are MI5, are upset because they think that it

has reached the point that there must be a spiritual or supernatural explanation for his

continued recovery.” Said Galinan.

“Well, just kill the son of bitch then,” said Anropov, “the situation is unacceptable.”

“We have tried to kill him using conventional means. One of our psychiatric aides tried

to kill him in his sleep with a garrote, but it didn’t work.” “Didn’t work? How could it

not work?” asked Adropov. “Well, apparently, this is all we can figure out, Forster

shifted reality off the material plane onto the Astral Plane so that the whole thing never

really happened. We thought he was dead, but then an hour later he got up and went to

the restroom. It was a shock, believe me.” Said Galinan.

“You really expect me to put in my report to the Kremlin that Barrister Forster is

some sort of Jedi Knight, or Druid Wizard, or something to that effect?” Asked

Andropov. “No, I suppose not, although I think something like that must be going on.”

Said Galinan. “Well, try killing him again, this time with a knife. Make it look like a

mugging. Keep me informed.” Said Andropov. “Yes, comrade Chairman, I will,” replied

Galinan, who then got up and left the room. (to be continued).

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