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42 Rules for Creating WE (2 nd Edition) Book Excerpt

A Hands-On, Practical Approach to Organizational Development, Change and Leadership Best Practices

Edited by Judith E. Glaser Foreword by Angela Ahrendts CEO, Burberry Group PLC

E-mail: 20660 Stevens Creek Blvd., Suite 210 Cupertino, CA 95014

BOOK EXCERPT Table of Contents

Preface by Judith E. Glaser Introduction Rule 5: There is an 'I' in Team Rule 24: Move With, Not Against, Partners Rule 38: Look Back to Look Forward About the Editor Getting the book from Super Star Press


C o n t e n t s
This is the Table of Contents (TOC) from the book for your reference. The eBook TOC (below) differs in page count from the tradebook TOC. Foreword by Angela Ahrendts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . v Preface by Judith E. Glaser . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 Introduction. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5

Foreword Preface Intro

Section I Shatter Old Paradigms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8

Rule 1 Rule 2 Rule 3 Rule 4 Rules are Meant to Be Broken . . . . . . . . . . 10 There Is No Quid Pro Quo in WE . . . . . . . . 12 Be Selfish to Become Selfless . . . . . . . . . . 14 Live in Your Heart's Zone . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16

Section II Acknowledge the 'I' Inside the 'WE' . . .18

Rule 5 Rule 6 Rule 7 Rule 8 Rule 9 There is an 'I' in Team . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 Speak from the 'I'Listen from the 'WE' . . 22 Become a Creating WE Leader . . . . . . . . . . 24 Seek to Mine for Value . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26 Take Your Seat at the Table and Use It! . . . 28

Section III Understand What Moves People . . . . . .30

Rule 10 Create a Virtual Water Cooler . . . . . . . . . . . 32

42 Rules for Creating WE (2nd Edition)


Rule 11 Rule 12 Rule 13 Rule 14 Rule 15

Living the Brand Creates WE . . . . . . . . . . . . 34 Harness Collective Wisdom . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36 Respond with "Yes!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38 Sometimes Thinking Small Has Big Payoffs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40 Be Consciously Contagious. . . . . . . . . . . . . 42

Section IV Foster Integrity, Candor and Caring . . 44

Rule 16 Rule 17 Rule 18 Rule 19 Rule 20 Rule 21 Rule 22 Rule 23 The Torch of Integrity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46 Tell It Like It Is . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48 Walk in Their Shoes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50 Respect the Views of Your Adversary. . . . . 52 Forgive and Not Forget . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54 Act in a Manner That Honors Yourself and Your Associates . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56 Speak Your Vulnerable Truth . . . . . . . . . . . . 58 Practice Presence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60

Section V Understand When to Pull Instead of Push . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62

Rule 24 Rule 25 Rule 26 Rule 27 Rule 28 Move With, Not Against, Partners . . . . . . . . 64 Seek Engagement, Not Compliance . . . . . . 66 Listen to Connect . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68 Embrace Different Perspectives . . . . . . . . . 70 Synergize Your Teams . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72



Section VI Realize How Words Create Worlds . . . .74

Rule 29 Rule 30 Rule 31 Rule 32 Rule 33 Rule 34 Rule 35 Create Shared Meaning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76 Support Others in Recognizing Needs. . . . 78 Separate Opinions from Facts . . . . . . . . . . 80 Be Willing to Change Our Beliefs . . . . . . . . 82 Advocate for Needs, Not Means . . . . . . . . . 84 We Are What We Write. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 86 Be Elegantly Inclusive . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 88

Section VII Expand Belief Systems and Perspectives . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .90

Rule 36 Rule 37 Rule 38 Rule 39 Rule 40 Rule 41 Rule 42 Editor Appendix A Appendix B Appendix C Appendix D Think and Act "BIG WE, little me" . . . . . . . 92 Trumpets for Success . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 94 Look Back to Look Forward . . . . . . . . . . . . 96 Look at WE, Not Me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98 Focus On What Works . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 100 Create a Shared Vision for the Future . . . 102 These are Our Rules. What are Yours? . . 104
About the Editor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 106

Contributors' Background. . . . . . . . . . . . . 108 Tools, Resources & Assessments . . . . . . 130 Books . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 134 References . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 136

42 Rules for Creating WE (2nd Edition)

Your Rules Books

42 Rules Program . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 138 Other Happy About Books . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 140



P r e f a c e

Preface by Judith E. Glaser

A few years ago, I invited nearly 40 colleagues to join me for what I called a Thought Leadership Summit. We didn't really have a plan in mind for how we wanted to work together, or even what that work would be; what we did have was the recognition of a special energy connecting our small group of talented colleagues. We all held an incredible level of respect for the unique values and skills each person brought to the table, and we felt comfortable talking with each other and exploring our deepest aspirations together. Every day, whether it is for work or for life in general, we move in and out of relationships based on our needs and what others have to offer, or just simply because a job requires us to do so. However, during the first meeting of this new group of people, we discovered we were developing a very special relationship with each other, different from any we had ever experienced before. We found we had higher levels of empathy and connectivity than we normally did with others and wanted a way to cultivate this even furtherand thus, The Creating We Institute was born. At our second Summit, we spent time defining what had transpired at the first Summit. We ended up calling what we had experienced 'Generative Connectivity' and decided we wanted to write about it, share it and see how it integrated into our lives and our sense of well being. Today, only a year and a half later, we are forging new alliances with each other and with new Creating WE Institute colleagues. We are always finding more people to invite to join us in

42 Rules for Creating WE (2nd Edition)

our exploration of new and profound research around the neuroscience of WE, and in other related areas. Executive Excellence Magazine: Ken Shelton, publisher of Executive Excellence magazine had the foresight to publish my first article on Vital Instincts, which correlates what happens at the cellular level in organisms to what happens at the organizational levels. Cancer in cells and cancer in organizations are mirror images. With Ken's continued support of the 'WE-centric' theme, my writing and now our writing has enabled us to advance our work and exploration to where we are today. August 2009 Executive Excellence magazine will publish a CWI Journal of articles on Brain, Brand & Energy. This will serve as a useful supplement to '42 Rules for Creating WE' for those who are seeking a greater understanding of the neuroscience underlying this book. Mergers and Acquisitions: Since the writing of '42 Rules for Creating WE,' we have also been creating alliances with associations such as the Alliance of Mergers & Acquisitions, a national organization of lawyers, accounting firms, private equity executives and business people, and we are working on building assessment tools to help raise the success ratio for M & A's. Neuroscience of WE Summit: In addition to publishing literature on the topic of applied neuroscience, we have developed a summit for leaders called Bring Neuro-innovation Back to Your Workplace. It's based on what we call 'The Wisdom of the 5 Brains,' and enables leaders to understand how our social brains work. By focusing on the neuroscience of WE our goal is to utilize current research in the field of neuroscience and make it accessible and useful to leaders by applying this wisdom to situations they often face at work such as how to: handle conflicts, run better meetings, execute strategies, harvest innovation and expand collaboration in business settings. Reality TV: We've formed a partnership with Robert Galinsky, creator of Reality TV School. We are melding our talents to bring leaders an 'out of the chair' experience of how our brains work under pressure, under fire, and when we are in an optimum state of mind. In our program with the working title 'Reality TV Meets the Wisdom of the 5 Brains,' we are using innovative 'improvisational techniques' that create a powerful acceleration in how leaders can shift into higher levels of leadership presence. In this session we simulate conversationscalled 'real plays'so that leaders can see how conversations impact us when they emanate from each of our 5 brains. Leaders get to see when our lower, less human brains are hijacking us and when we are speaking from our highest brainand then learn to shift from lower to higher-level conversational skills.


Temple University and The Guru Nation: As part of the evolution of the Institute, we have created an alliance with the Dean of Temple University's School of Liberal Arts as well as the Dean of its School of Neuroscience. Our hope is to work with them in co-creating a Neuroscience Summit for 2010. To this end, we will be inviting Amy Dorn Kopelan, CEO of The Guru Nation and Bedlam Entertainment Inc., to help us develop the most exciting, educational, and engaging summit we can. We are also working with The Guru Nation to build a library of Creating WE tools, webinars, and interviews so everyone can learn more about the neuroscience of WE online: Harvard Medical School: Since the writing of 42 Rules, we've made an alliance with Srini Pillay, M.D., Harvard Medical School Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and CEO, Neurobusiness Group. With the help of his expertise, we will be developing products and services to advance our ability to shape our neural networks to be more adaptable to change and to enable people to actively shift into more positive mindsets. HeartMath: Also, we have formed an alliance with Bruce Cryer and the HeartMath Institute. Additionally, a number of our Creating WE Institute colleagues have been certified to be HeartMath One-on-One Providers. Each one of us believes in the power of the heart to create coherence, and we know from 15 years of research at the HeartMath Institute that the more we can move ourselves into coherence individually and collectively, the more we can gain clarity of thinking and health of our minds, hearts, bodies and spirits. Liminal Group: For the past five years we've worked with Scudder Fowler and the Liminal Group to bring our keynotes to leaders around the United States. This year we've created the Actor's Studio, a series of in-depth interviews that we will be conducting with incredible leaders and neuroscientists who are changing the face of business and whose ideas we want to get out to larger audiences. Global Platinum Group: For the past five years we've worked with a powerful diagnostic and assessment tool based on a unique and powerful platform. We have been working with this tool, and with the Global Platinum Group to create a more powerful process for leaders to understand how to collectively and accurately determine how to focus energy on customers, employees, leaders and cultural issues. The predictive nature of this tool is astounding, and its power to create alignment is in a class of its own. Client Summits: We are continually seeking new alliances, partnerships, research opportunities and clients who want to learn more about Creating WE ideas, technologies, practices and how to

42 Rules for Creating WE (2nd Edition)

accelerate successful collaboration inside and outside of their organizations. We've gotten requests to bring our summits into client organizations so people can learn together about how to be more 'human together' and can work to shape their workplaces to become innovation engines and great places to work. However, all of this is just the beginning. We are learning to deepen our conversations and expand our interests in listening to people from all walks of life and from around the globe. There is so much to learn, and to share. We are here for the journey and welcome you aboard!


In tro

"Where the Art of Engagement and the Spirit of Innovation Build Collective Wisdom in the Workplace." The Creating WE Institute is an international cadre of critical thinkers, consultants, coaches and scientists with multi-disciplinary expertise, who have come together to harvest new forms of engagement and innovation in the workplace and in the world. We believe that WE are all connected. Through a WE-centric rather than a traditional I-centric approach, our collective wisdom grows and evolves, creating stronger solutions and mutual respect for the unique contributions of others. We-centric thinking can change the very nature of leadership, culture, brands, businesses and other organizationsand it all starts with conversation. You are invited to explore and dialogue with The Creating We Institute. We hope you will contact us to talk about how we can engage with you and your organization, leaders and employees, to help change how conversations take place at work. Find out how the power of Creating WE is changing how leaders lead, and how it can change the tenor and context of your organizational culture, now and for years to come. The Creating WE Institute is engaged in ongoing research, exploring the dynamics of thought leadership, and how leaders emerge, engage and evolve.

42 Rules for Creating WE (2nd Edition)

The membership of the Institute is composed of a unique amalgam of critical thinkers, consultants and other practitioners engaged in pursuits ranging from pure research to active application of the latest techniques, insights and technologies to change outcomes. As an adjunct to our research, and on a contractual basis, The Creating WE Institute accepts engagements and provides services and products to clients who are interested in expanding their organizations' capacity for success, growth and development from I-centric to WE-centric thinking. Our services reflect a range of collective Institute expertise at the vanguard of change. We work with clients on engagements that focus on executive, team, and organizational coaching and consulting. We utilize several products and various assessments that are customized to determine and meet our clients' emerging needs. We welcome conversations, inquiries, questions and dialogues on any and all of the themes and principles offered in '42 Rules for Creating WE.'


42 Rules for Creating WE (2nd Edition)

R u l e

The 'I's' in the team were now allowed to shine in their own terms, which resulted in a kinder work environment, a more productive staff, more satisfied customers and a true WE spirit.

There is an 'I' in Team

Jerry Manas In an effort to create a WE atmosphere, some leaders try to have everyone move together as if they're in a chain gang, all clones of one another moving in the same direction. Instead, we must celebrate the diversity on our teams, and leverage the different strengths people have. There's a time for individual achievement and a time for convergence as a team. We need to give equal attention to both. I was called into one organization to help them create a process and structure for a department that supported and maintained financial systems. "We're having problems with one person in particular," the director, Patty, told me. "Max just seems to march to his own agenda. He's great at what he does, and is probably our best person, but he's not good at communicating with our clients." "How can we turn him around?" she asked. My immediate reaction was, "Why on earth would you want to turn him around if he's your best employee?" It was apparent that they had spent quite a bit of time trying to turn Max into a 'customer service rep' instead of the technician that he was and a brilliant one at that. They were frustrated and so was he. I was reminded of the Robert Heinlein quote: Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

42 Rules for Creating WE (2nd Edition)

This is exactly what they were trying to doteach the pig to sing. I suggested that they stop wasting energy trying to 'turn around' Max, but that they should instead let Max do what he does best, and pair him with someone who excels at customer service. It just so happened that there was someone else in the department who was extremely customer-oriented, and could fit quite well as a liaison between Max and the customers. When Patty suggested that this person may not have time, I was able to find several things on that person's plate that were much better suited for someone else in the group. Management wrote off another person on the team as a slacker, and as it turned out, this person wasn't a slacker at all. He was just apathetic because he wasn't engaged and wasn't operating in his area of strength. He was an analyst, who preferred heads-down detailed logical work. Yet he was being asked to facilitate and lead projectsa bad fit if I ever saw one. As soon as he was given the proper support and appropriate work for his strengths, he grew less apathetic and at least gave a good day's effort. One by one, we assessed where people were playing to their strengths, and where they weren't. After a few weeks of getting a feel for people's strengths, adjusting their roles accordingly, and involving them in creating processes that helped instead of hindered, the department began to operate much more cohesively. When I first arrived, the client complained about having too many 'heroes,' dysfunction among the team, and just plain poor performers. The client felt they lacked the ingredients to become a WE-centric team. Yet these so-called barriers were just symptomsa mirage hiding the real problem. This is often the case when people are misaligned or not allowed to let their individuality shine. There's much talk about the danger of 'heroes,' yet great achievements have often been a result of heroic efforts on the part of a few people, and sometimes even one person. It's one of the world's biggest myths about teamwork that there's no 'I' in Team. In fact there is an 'I' in Team; there are many 'I's, each with their own strengths and preferences. And the faster we recognize that, the faster we'll succeed at creating WE. In the case of my client, the 'I's' in the team were now allowed to shine in their own terms, which resulted in a kinder work environment, a more productive staff, more satisfied customers and a true WE spirit.

Rule 5: There is an 'I' in Team

R u l e

Rather than demanding others to step into a power-fight, we can request that others move into a power-with dance with us.

Move With, Not Against, Partners

Judith E. Glaser and Jerry Manas We interact energetically with others. We either move towards others, away from others, with others or against others. When we believe that others are our adversaries, we move against them. Actionreaction, tit-for-tat or retaliation, can transform them into adversaries. Anthropologists and biologists believe we have a tit-for-tat instinct hard wired into our DNA. In fact, this instinct is evolutionary and is found in all mammals. Such is true, for example, when someone comes at us 'mammals' in anger, we fire off fear signals in our amygdalaa tiny organ found in the lower part of our limbic brainand we move into our protection mode. As soon as we see and feel the signals that someone is on the attack, we respond instinctively to protect ourselves. Some people react by matching anger with anger, often causing a fight to ensue. Others may flee if they feel the anger and aggression will lead to danger, believing that running away will save them from being 'eaten alive.' Others will freeze, hoping the aggressor will change their mind and move on to more enticing prey. This dance of engagement drives all of human behavior. Psychiatrist Stuart Brown gives an incredible presentation that puts these interaction dynamics into context. Brown describes a meeting between an enormous 1,200-pound male polar bear and a female husky. The scene


42 Rules for Creating WE (2nd Edition)

is the moment of contact between the two the polar bear and husky on the Hudson Bay in late fall, just north of Churchill, Manitoba. In his constant pursuit of food, the polar bear focuses his predatory gaze onto the female husky, catching her stare. Under normal circumstances, the polar bear's generally fixed, rigid, and stereotypical behavior would end with the husky as his next meal, but this time, something unusual happens. The husky returned his gaze with an engaging and graceful bow and a wagging tail. The polar bear stood towering over the husky, and instead of claws and fangs, they began to engage in an incredible ballet. This unexpected interaction is just as much a part of nature's order as the anticipated battle-to-the-death. Yet this time, it manifests as an incredible duet between predator and prey, with two animals in a transformed state a state of play. All because of the way the husky acted. What trumps what in nature? We assume power over others gets us our way. And what is our way anyway? The dance in nature we witnessed in the story of the husky and the polar bear is a perfect example of how human beings and all other animals communicate. We send all types of signals all the time. We test each otheras the husky did the bear, and we see what comes back. Our signals work like radio signals saying: "Where are you?" and "What do you want?" Our signaling systemwhat we send and what we receivealerts us to the nature of our relationship with others. We either move towards others, away from others, with others or against others. Each signal generates a reaction that is as hardwired in nature as the fight-or-flight syndrome. In our brains, we translate these signals into labels about our power relationship to others. We are either in a power-over or power-with mode of interaction with those around us. The husky's signals to playpower-withtrumped the polar bear's signals to dominatepower-overcertainly a trump that is one of nature's big surprises. The antidote to the common power-over behaviors at work is to resist giving back power to others, and instead, request that they move with us into a power-with dance, thus avoiding the power-fight all together. Antidote: Make requests, not demands. By moving toward and with others, with the intention of creating a greater, more engaging and (in business) a more productive outcomeour adult form of play can produce unimaginable and positive results. Our beliefs drive our intentions, our intentions drive our actions, and our actions drive the results we achieve with others.

Rule 24: Move With, Not Against, Partners


R u l e

When you are gazing back at your life, pay attention to finding experiences that inspire you with passion and excitement.

Look Back to Look Forward

Judith E. Glaser In what direction do we hold our vision? We have 360 degrees to work with, but where do we put our attention? The study of attention, and how it impacts us every day of our life has been a life long fascination. New developments in neuroscience are giving us clues about attention that are suggesting how we use our attention can change the hardwiring of the brain radically and for the better. If we learn to pay attention to our attention, we can even create transformations that defy our greatest expectations. My first lesson on attention came from Larry, a 24-year-old mentally challenged adult living at the Bess Stone Center, a residential home for mentally disabled adults in Lawrence, Kansas. Larry and I met on my first day of work. He was very tall and very thin. Perhaps the most striking feature of his appearance was the wide suspenders he wore to hold up his pants. His teeth protruded and his head was oversized. "His name is Larry," Mary Jean said to me. "He is 24 but has the mind of a 2-year-old." He doesn't talk, he just grunts. As she spoke those words, his head tilted and I immediately knew he understood her harsh words. Larry looked different, and even though his outward appearance was unusual, it was clear that there was much wisdom that lay beneath Larry's surface, a fact that I was about to learn.


42 Rules for Creating WE (2nd Edition)

Larry, who did not possess the ability to communicate through words with others, put his talents to work and made an invention. By inserting the 'foil' from the inside of a ketchup bottle top into a clothespin, Larry was able to gaze into the small foil 'rear view mirror' for a fully encompassing view of the world. Larry used his invention and attention to watch the man who came to polish our floors once a week. Larry watched the up motion and the down motion in his mirror, and once his mind mapped the rhythm, he imitated floor polishing even when the polisher was not there. I asked him if he wanted to try it out and sure enough, Larry became the best floor polisher ever. He polished floors every day. Then he took me outside and motioned with his arms he wanted to polish the grass. After it clicked in, I realized he wanted to transfer his new found skills to learn to mow the grass. And he did, he became the best grass mower we had ever seen! Larry's energy and passion for learning became contagious. Soon enough, everyone became alive in a new way. Bertha wanted to play the piano, and she did, in her own way. Albert wanted to have 'money in his pocket' and so Mary Beth gave him money to carry to the store for food shopping. Mark wanted to build a house, and so we gave him wood to build a miniature house which upon its completion was donated by the Bess Stone Center to its 'sister home' for mentally disabled children. The local newspaper heard about the change at Bess Stone and came in to write a feature story, which went on to greatly inspire our small town in Kansas. Larry taught us all about looking back to look forward. When you are gazing back at your life, pay attention to finding experiences that inspire you with passion and excitementand lo and behold, they will help you attend to the future in new ways.
Exercise your Looking Back to Look Forward skills with others. What you pay attention to drives your intention. Use your 360-degree mirror to find memories that ignite your passion. Share those memories with others, as Larry taught us to do, and watch your life transform. When we put our attention on what gives us passion, we catalyze growth in our selves and trigger the Growth Instinct in others.

Rule 38: Look Back to Look Forward


E d i t o r

About the Editor

Judith E. Glaser Judith E. Glaser is one of the most innovative and pioneering change agents and executive coaches in the consulting industry. She is an Organizational Anthropologist, and the world expert in WE-centric leadershipworking at the intersection of leadership, brand and culture with a direct line of sight to the customer. In 1980 she founded Benchmark Communications, Inc. ( and in 2007 she co-founded The Creating We Institute, a research and development partnership ( with practitioners globallydedicated to harvesting new forms of engagement and innovation in the workplace. Judith is a sought after keynote speaker, and has appeared on NBC Today, FOX News, ABC, CNN, MSNBC, and is frequently quoted in the WSJ, and the New York Times. She is a master facilitator of leadership and organizational
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summits where leaders harness and accelerate their abilities to co-create, innovate, and differentiate themselves in the marketplace. She has published hundreds of articles on strategic leadership and two best selling books, Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization and The DNA of Leadership, selected by both Forbes and Business Book Review as one of the top business books of 2005 and 2006. Creating WE won an AXION Leadership Award in 2008. She is a Licensed HeartMath Provider, certified in over 14 Leadership Assessments, Certifies Coaches in Creating WE Practices and Co-creating Conversations.



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42 Rules for Creating WE (2nd Edition)