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A Testament To Love & Other Losses

Wade Stevenson

BlazeVOX [books]
Buffalo, New York

A Testament To Love & Other Losses by Wade Stevenson Copyright 2011 Published by BlazeVOX [books] All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced without the publishers written permission, except for brief quotations in reviews. Printed in the United States of America Book design by Geoffrey Gatza Artwork by Peter Fowler First Edition ISBN: 978-1-60964-055-2 Library of Congress Control Number 2010943104 BlazeVOX [books] 303 Bedford Ave Buffalo, NY 14216

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When he died, I came to life: The love-lorn baby finally learned How to use a cutting knife! My Dad ordered me to change --I hit the road, hunting for strange. That was me: a cracked heart Too terrorized to speak The truth --- truth of the heart. So I just lay on the floor, My spirit awfully sore, My thoughts flying out the door. But in the back of my mind --Always the tigers roar. Would I still find that girl Waiting on a distant shore? I must find a way to live: Perhaps I will just go --Naked, humble and true. There will be no returning. The mind will have to forget Its dream of ancient yearning. Dec. 26, 2010



Life is a dream you know And you know that I know And I know that you know And we know that we know And we know what we know But we dont know how we know Life is a dream you know But we will live hard And we will die softly Like a whisper in the night Which is a dream as you know, And you know that I know, And what we know we are not telling Because we dont have to Because we know what we know And there is no need to know more At least not now, not now So we will simply go on in the sweet Ignorance of our un-knowing, Which is our knowing and not knowing Our not knowing anything really Except we will try to live hard And if we are lucky and live well Perhaps we will be lucky and die softly


And our old loves will return to us In the new darkness that will fall After our old darkness has disappeared Behind the veil of all our unknowing Because life is a dream, you know And we will go on because we have no choice There will be no end to our going on We will go on and on And the dream will continue As we lock hands tenderly in our ignorance There is no end, there is no beginning There is only the darkness of what will come And the remembrance of the light that was I want you to go with me, I need you to go with me Hold my hand and step into the darkness Step lightly beyond the threshold of our knowing Come with me into my night, Hold a candle in my darkness Cover my eyes with your sweet hands We go round and round in the circle of love Blissfully unknowing, happy only To know what we know, to live in the knowledge Of the bitter everyday that is ours What we know is this: there is no going back. So come with me into the love that we have created, That we both have come to love and to know, With a deep knowing that goes beyond knowledge, As our biblical love goes beyond understanding ---


Then, standing on the threshold beyond love, Beyond any understanding, completely naked, That is where we are, that is who we are, This is what we know, this is the total sum Of what we do not know, here is the history Of our remembered losses, and our unremembered Failings. Night is a dream you know, And you know that I know And I know that you know And we both know there is no escape No way out from this dark ever-widening Circle of love, which falls around us like the night, The night which becomes a dream That we can never know, even living it. Here we are, alone in our beautiful sleep, The sleep of the dead, the sleep of unknowing, The sleep that carries us beyond Even the dream of the night. I want to be with you. I want to love wildly And then die softly. I want this dream to end In the beginning and end of the love That you and I have both come to know. Remember this, dear one: there is no end To our love, there is no end to what we Have begun, there is no end to our dream, To the remembrances of all our nights, To the combined wisdoms of our knowing And of our not knowing, there is no end.



What is happiness? What is worth waiting for? What will emerge from the darkness? What will happen tomorrow? Are we going to be together? How long does togetherness last? Can it be continuous? Is a couple more than two halves Being joined? What color is a couple? And what does coupling involve? How many memories do we have? Should we share our secrets? Do we have secret memories? What kind of feeling does love give you, Soft or hard? Do you move back and forth Between degrees of hardness and softness? Is happiness hard or soft? Does it give you A clean, sharp feeling, like the first bite Of air on a winter morning? Lets go for a long walk together, stroll Past the yellow and brown rooftops. Well go into the garden, feel the grass Softly yield under our feet. As a red bird flies away from a branch We will hold our breath and feel the strength Of a different beginning.



When the outer spasms have quieted, The inner trembling continues unabated.