November 2012

What To Do This Month Event Quick Reference Useful Telephone Numbers Classified Ads Costambar Cable Channel Listing The Rainy Day Page And Lots Of Other Fun Stuff!!

Yenny’s Market Loase Resort/Sam’s Bar Catamaran Beach Bar Bieke’s Bar Happy Hippo El Carey Syl’s Place

Thursday November 22nd
While the North Coast didn’t suffer as badly when ‘Sandy’ passed by, the South Coast really was inundated with heavy rains and flooding!

Supermercado Tropical Restaurant Chino The Meeting Place Costa Atlantica Big Lee’s Beach Bar Vena Beach Bar Ocean World Marina La Tasca Los Dos Los Tres Cocos

But what you have to love about the Dominican people nothing gets in the way of enjoying life! It’s a wonderful thing!

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Happy Hippo invites you to their Anniversary Party on November 11 starting at 11:11am - with live music by Ali Tupac and a Las Vegas dress code. Then on November 25th it’s Karaoke with JP starting at 3pm. And mark your calendars for their Doomsday Party on December 21st!!! Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to try something different. Fine dining at it’s best! Call 809-993-4503 for details. Sam’s Cafe at Loase Resort & Spa tempts you with Fish & Chips and Chicken Curry Specials and All Day Breakfast. Celebrate American Thanksgiving with them on Thursday November 22nd and enjoy a full turkey dinner with all the trimmings. They also offer a number of activities for your enjoyment. At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach you’ll find great food at great prices enjoyed with a million dollar view! Every day they have Power Hour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. Enjoy your power hour with a fresh pizza slice for only RD$50 - starts daily from 6pm! They also hold a monthly Flea Market on the last Saturday of every month beginning at 10am. No cost to vendors! Restaurant Chino has the best Chinese food on the North Coast! Eat in or take out. Two locations - on the Malecon in Puerto Plata and calle Principal in Cabarete. The Meeting Place has started their summer hours - Monday to Friday 2pm-5:30pm. Keep checking their website for new activities throughout the season. Big Lee’s Beach Bar on the Malecon introduces The Little Snack Shack with great eats at great prices and an ALL DAY Breakfast! Every Tuesday & Thursday Presidente & Bohemia beers are only RD$75 or enjoy a cuba/santo libre for only RD$50 and every Friday is drink specials all day cuba/santo libre only RD$50 with Karaoke starting at 8pm. Bieke’s Bar - the first bar in & the last bar out of Costambar! Drop by Saturdays for Costambar’s Best Burger! Check out the blackboards for brunch and evening food specials during the week! Costa Atlantica, the newest community for foreign residents, offers all expats the opportunity to use their facilities. They have 2 schools to learn Sky. Or why not spend the day at their large swimming pool for only RD$200? They will also make their facilities available for activities such as playing cards, chess, BBQ’s, yoga or exercise classes, meetings or whatever else North Coast expats enjoy doing. They now offer a spa, bar and cafeteria for your enjoyment. Las Tasca Los Dos in Villas Cofresi is back again with all your favourite Austrian and International Specialties! Karaoke on Fridays at 8pm!! Vena Beach Bar on the Malecon has a 2X1 Happy Hour on Cuba/Santo Libres from 3-8pm Monday to Friday! Join them Tuesdays for Dominoes - all players get their beers for RD$70! And Sundays is Ladies Day with RD$100 frozen cocktails for the ladies! Syl’s Place has a great food special every day! Mondays - all things chili. Tuesday - soup and sandwich. Wednesday - varies. Thursday - meat loaf/mashed potatoes & gravy. Friday - fish & chips/onion rings. Saturday - chicken dumpling stew. Sundays - beer butt chicken. Thursday November 22nd they are celebrating American Thanksgiving with a traditional turkey dinner. They also have satellite radio with some great oldies stations! El Carey Restaurant - Rancho Tipico - Billiards is open with new owners Kevin & Patricia. They invite you to enjoy Dominican music and Dominican food inside, in their garden or under parasols on the beach. They also offer burgers and pizza. The house specialty is garlic shrimps and you should also try Kevin’s Mama Juana and piña colada’s! Let them host your next event.

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Puerto Plata Beach Club
(Costa Atlantica)
Come Be Part of a New Community for Foreign Residents!
Our Best Offer
Acceptance fee of US$175 Plus maintenance fee - 6 months prepaid: US$1050 - next 6 months US$225/month - unfurnished apartments - utilities not included - furnished until supplies end

Monthly Payment Option
Apartments available from US$249-US$399 per month - utilities not included Luxury Ocean View apartments from US$400US-$1100 per month - furnished or unfurnished - utilities not included

Hotel Rooms from US$69 per room per night 24 hour electricity and security 50% discount for residents’ family and friends

SPECIAL OFFER!!
A ONE OF A KIND LIFESTYLE On The Malecon in Puerto Plata Bar - Spa - Cafeteria 809-586-4243 www.puertoplatabeachclub.com

3 Night Stay Only US$138 Per Couple

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COME FOR THE GREAT FOOD AT GREAT PRICES AND THE MILLION DOLLAR VIEW!

! W! PIZZA SLICES ONLY RD$50!!! NE

DAILY STARTING AT 6PM

EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH FREE TO VENDORS! Starting at 10am
Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland, UK 1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART. 2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP. 3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN! 4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING. 5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER. 6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE. 7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU. 8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS. 9. QUIET PLEASE....WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING. 10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES. WELL DONE.... NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF.

FLEA MARKET!!!

A Redneck walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Johnson and related parts in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of the head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered. And the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A Blonde woman timidly spoke up.......... "I'll try it Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle"!

Every Tuesday & Thursday
GRANDE BEERS RD$75
Presidente & Bohemia

CUBA/SANTA LIBRES RD$50
Made with Brugal Anejo or Blanco PLUS Starting at 8pm

Every Friday

CUBA/SANTA LIBRES RD$50
Made with Brugal Anejo or Blanco

KITCHEN OPEN NOON TO 7PM

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I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?' 'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk...'

INTERNATIONAL GOURMET CUISINE & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting on a Saturday morning after breakfast... Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office. Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone. Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile. Maid: So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephones !!!!!

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Restaurant Chino
Best Chinese Food On the North Coast! Two Great Locations! Eat In or Takeout!
Xiang Wan Jia Plaza Neptuno, Malecon, Puerto Plata 809-261-5609 Calle Principal, Cabarete 809-571-0385

LOS DOS
INTERNATIONAL & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES!!!
Every Friday starting at 8pm KARAOKE!!!

La Tasca

Villas Cofresi 809-815-6838

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night? The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, we can't tell you because you're not a monk. The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, We can't tell you because you're not a monk. The man says, all right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk? The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk. The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth. The monks reply, congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk.. We shall now show you the way to the sound. The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door. The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key ? The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it... Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, this is the key to the last door... The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight. But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

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Pro-gas-ti-na-tion noun: The act of waiting until the last possible minute to fill up in the hopes gas prices will actually go down!
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.' Poof! .. God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice. After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river' Poof! .. God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once. Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river' Poof! . He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

RESTAURANT ‘EL CAREY’ IS OPEN WITH NEW OWNERS KEVIN & PATRICIA!
Come sit inside, in our garden or under the parasols on the beach Enjoy the Dominican music and Dominican food prepared by Kevin Also pizza’s and hamburgers! “House Special - Garlic Shrimps!” And try Kevin’s Mama Juana & Pina Colada! El Carey Restaurant - Rancho Tipico - Billiard Also available for parties, weddings, etc.
Calle Reina Isabel, Costambar, Puerto Plata Spanish 809-918-1448 English 809-924-8233 CLOSED MONDAYS

If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?

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OPEN FROM 12 NOON SATURDAYS BIEKE BURGERS!! CHECK OUR BOARD FOR BRUNCH & EVENING FOOD SPECIALS!

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration. "What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior.. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family." "It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ." "I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?" "Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!" "Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell me all about it!" "Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother - 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits a bird in midflight !" "Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!" "No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!" "Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized the Mother.. "But I didn't, Mother!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!" "So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile. "Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!" Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said..."You missed the f***ing putt, didn't you?"

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I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.' She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue what had just happened.

Vena Beach Bar
THURSDAY NOVEMBER 22ND AT 6PM Thankgiving Dinner Turkey and all the fixings Apple or Pumpkin Pie RD$450 Second seating if necessary

2 for 1 Happy Hour
Mon-Fri 3pm-8pm On Cuba Libre And Santo Libre

70 pesos Beer for all those who are playing a game of Dominoes

Ladies Sundays
ALL FROZEN DRINKS @100 PESOS For the ladies
A Touch Of NY in Puerto Plata

Contact: 809-215-2410 www.facebook.com/VenaBeachBar Trip Advisor: Vena Beach Bar Caseta # 2 in front of the old hotel MonteMar by Long Beach

MONDAYS! ALL THINGS CHILI! TUESDAYS SOUP AND SANDWICH WEDNESDAY VARIES THURSDAYS! MEAT LOAF/MASHED POTATOES & GRAVY FRIDAYS!!!! FISH & CHIPS/ONION RINGS!!! SATURDAYS! CHICKEN DUMPLING STEW! SUNDAYS BEER BUTT CHICKEN

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JUST ARRIVED!
CLEAR FIBERGLASS 7 GALLON PROPANE CYLINDER TANK 24” TALL & 12” DIAMETER
Always know how much gas you have! Lighter than steel & rustproof!

ONLY RD$2500 CALL COLIN AT 809-449-1819

CHARTS AVAILABLE
Get your nautical charts of the Bahamas, Turks and Caicos Islands, Providenciales and Hispaniola From Rosa at Luperon Swap Meet Wendy’s Bar in Luperon Ocean World Marina in Cofresi

BOAT NAME OF THE MONTH!

If you have difficulty call Colin at 809-449-1819

Costambar Monthly page 11

SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 13
SUDOKU PUZZLES Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column and quadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

WASHING A CAR
Find and circle all of the words that are hidden in the grid. The remaining letters spell a hidden message

BRUSH BUCKETS CHAMOIS CHROME CLEAN DEAD BUGS DIRT DOOR HANDLES DOORS DRIVEWAY DRY OFF

FENDERS FRONT GARDEN HOSE GLASS GRIME HEADLIGHTS HOOD HUBCAPS LICENSE PLATE MIRRORS MUD

PREPARATION REAR RINSE ROOF SCRUB SIDES SOAP SPONGE SQUEEGEE SUDS TAIL LIGHTS

TIRES TOP TOWELS VEHICLE WASH WATER WAX WHEELS WINDOWS WINDSHIELD

Across 1. Musical passage 5. Daydream 6. Squeeze out 7. Interminable Down 1. Retinue 2. Dedicated 3. Foster 4. Everlasting

Costambar Monthly page 12

12 22 28 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 40 42 43 44 46 49

CNN FOX ABC NBC CBS KIDS TBS CNBC ESPN-1 WGN CDN TNT USA ESPN-2 DISCOVERY DISNEY HBO SPORT BOOMERANG

51 56 57 64 66

CINE SPEED

CANAL

ANIMAL PLANET SCI-FI FOOD 69 DISCOVERY

70 71 72 74 79 80 81 83 84 85

WEATHER CINEMAX SHOWTIME STARZ NASA JETIX CARTOON TNT LA HISTORY THE FILM ZONE

LOCAL SUSTAINABILITY & ENVIRONMENTAL INITIATIVE
PROJECTS INCLUDE: Organic Farming Aquaponics Fish Farming (with ISA University) Community Cacao Nursery (with IDIAF) Conservation The overall mission is to teach healthy, cost-effective alternatives which are environmentally sound. Willard Taylor, who established this model farm, has a background in psychology, human rights and service and international missionary work. Donations of funds and materials to help and expand this initiative are greatly appreciated. For more info email biodivomar@gmail.com or call 829-663-3815 Willard invites all calls, emails, visits or forms of investigation into his project.

Police Office Police Car APC Office APC Gate Security Codetel Edenorte - emergency Edenorte - office Costambar Taxi Stand Canada Britain U.S.A. German Italian Clinica Bournigal Clinica Brugal Los Tropicos Pharmacy

809-320-8510 809-320-8840 809-970-7877 809-970-7015 809-220-1111 809-261-1844 809-586-9823 809-970-7318 809-586-5761 809-586-4244 809-586-4204 809-586-6995 809-320-7601 809-586-2342 809-586-2519 809-970-7607

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My Way to Inner-Happiness and to the RamiLife - Program RamiLife.com
NOW the book for this program is available in 3 languages - English, Spanish and German. This book has been suggested for the next International Book Fair in Frankfurt! The Austrian author Guenter (Harry) Eberl has been living in Puerto Plata for 13 years. The author has dedicated himself since his early childhood in a search for the meaning of life. From the moment the author unconditionally started the search for answers to all of his spiritual questions about himself and the universe, his life became very extraordinary. The RamiLife-Program in connection with the RAM-Meridian massage (REM) enables one to move closer to the inner self and to discover a new quality and love of life. Reading this book you will, among other things, lose the fear of so-called malignant diseases like cancer. You will learn to understand your body better. Don’t read this book if you are not prepared to change something in your life.

The author is available every Sunday at 5pm at The Catamaran Restaurant on Costambar Beach to discuss his program and answer any questions. Books are available to purchase. More Info at www.ramilife.com

BEGINNER

INTERMEDIA TE

HIDDEN MESSAGE
Bird droppings

Costambar Monthly page 14

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A date rape drug on the market called "Beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs." Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers, men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking Beer men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that: "something bad" occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females. Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this insidious Beer and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.

RD$955 Includes Dental RD$1190 with Drugs

Aquacero, Malecon, Puerto Plata 5pm Bieke’s Bar, Costambar 6:30pm Or call Petra & Marcel Bahr 1-809-885-2155

REALITY IS ONLY AN ILLUSION THAT OCCURS DUE TO A LACK OF ALCOHOL!
Massage: Relax, Reduction, Deep Tissue, Facial Massage, Reflexology, Acupressure, & Hot Stone Physical Therapy, Paraffin Treatment & Lymphatic Drainage Manicure & Pedicure: Regular & Intensive Braids & Hair Extensions & Mens Haircuts Facials, Waxing , Peeling, Hydration & Nurse Services Natural Health & Beauty Products
ASK ABOUT OUR SPECIALS. Open Mon-Sat from 9:00am / Sundays by appointment Service to the home. Transportation available. #14 Penon St, Costambar Tel: 809-970-7522 Cell: 809-993-2944

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Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square, do your stuff.' T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.' Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. She divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Measure, do your stuff.' Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass. Everyone agreed that was pretty good. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, 'What can your cat do?' The Government Employee called his cat and said, 'Coffee Break.....do your stuff.' Coffee Break jumped to his feet........... ate the cookies............... drank the milk.............. shit on the paper.................... screwed the other three cats..................... claimed he injured his back while doing so................. filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions....... put in for Workers Compensation...............and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OPEN DAILY (INCLUDING HOLIDAYS) Mon-Sat 8am-10pm Sundays 8am-8pm Everything you need from snacks to supper! Delivery Service Available! Calle Principal, Costambar (just inside the gate) 809-970-3028

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A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection. The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, 'did you call for me?' The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?' She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.' Smiling, she lead him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her. Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him. 'Did you call for me?' asked the hairy man. 'No! , what do you mean?' replied the newcomer. 'You must be new.' answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spun him a round, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer. The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?'she asked. 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.' 'But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities.' 'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here.'

SOUND RENTAL

Karaoke Tropical
For Any Event Of Your Choice With Animation in English, Spanish, German and French Lyrics in 7 Languages International Music, Videos and DVDs

809-204-4172 Email dj.marilyne_karaoke_tropical@hotmail.com

DO YOU NEED A GOOD MECHANIC?
Call Ito
829-563-1878 or 829-540-6622 (for English 809-464-7898)
SERVICE DONE AT YOUR HOME! ALL GENERAL REPAIRS & MAINTENANCE!

Costambar Monthly page 17

VIVERO MAIMON
GREEN THUMB
Landscaping and Gardening Maintenance Services
Palms, Flowering and Foliage Plants BEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST!!!
George Roesch 809-543-8041
OPEN Monday to Friday 8am-5pm Saturday 8am-noon

Km 11 Carretera PP-Imbert Just past ‘The Fish Places’

Costambar Monthly page 18 LIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FOR GREAT DEALS? OR USING THEM TO GET RID OF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THEN WHY NOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBAR’S FLEA MARKET AT THE CATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TO VENDORS!! Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only be placed by emailing costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca Or calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820 PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items. Commercial properties or enterprises (including real estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds will usually be run for one month only unless we are otherwise notified.

CLASSIFIEDS
FOR SALE Vita Mix series 5000 blender. This is a professional quality blender that can be used in restaurants. Very powerful motor and is in good condition. Make smoothies, hot soups right in the blender, nut butters, slushy margaritas, sauces, crush ice, puree and do any of your tough blending jobs. This item sells upwards of $400 new. Your price is $185 Call Art 829 340 3336 or email arthurkarno@gmail.com FOR SALE Ford F-150 V-8 4.6l runs on gasoline but has gas installed, year '98, engine 2007, very well taken care of by owner!! Also known as "the big yellow monster" $13,000usd obo!! Call Vik 829 864 9420 FOR SALE Honda CRV 2000 for RD$255,000 Diane & Victor Call 809 261 3795 FOR SALE GL150GY-3A motorcycle, 1 cylinder 4-stroke 150 cc, on/off road. bought new July 2011, less than 3000 km, located in Luperon. $800 USD o.b.o., Please call Rene @ 829-6849863 FOR SALE Dining Table Set, Mahogany, square table, 8 chairs, Beautiful! RD$75,000 Living room set, 6 pieces , Mahogany RD$70,000 Hyundai Starex 2001, Nine passengers, Diessel , Automatic. More info: 809-709-0360 ; ldml_27@hotmail.com WANTED "Karaoke business looking for an assistant with experiences as a DJ. Dominican welcome! for contacts call 809 988 1322 after 2.30 PM." FOR SALE Bose Companion 3 Series #2 speaker set for your computer. Have high quality sound for music, movies and games right out of your computer. Comes with two small but powerful desk top speakers and one woofer that goes on the floor. Unit plugs into wall socket and uses sound jack into computer. Sells for $249 to $289 new on Amazon. Your price $165. Call Art 829 340 3336 or email arthurkarno@gmail.com FOR SALE Two statues of angels by 30 inches high, dating from 1955, imported from Italy, value of 179,000 pesos sell : 75,000 pesos or best offer. One beautiful statue of St. Michael 50 inches high, value of 80,000 pesos sell : 37,750 pesos write for photos. royvon90@hotmail.com or 809 320-1589 from 9 am to 5 pm FOR SALE Panasonic Digital Cordless Phone System. Includes four phones, four cradles and is good for office or home. It has never been used and comes in original box. Model # KXTG9344T (black) Sells new for $144. Your price $75 Call Art 829 340 3336 or email arthurkarno@gmail.com FOR SALE Generator Hyundai 6.5 HP. 4 stroke hardly used RD$9,500 call Becky 809-970-7431

IGLESIA FILIPOS PRESBITERIANA invites you to services every Sunday at 10 A.M. Worships are in Spanish. Children activities. Before Costambar Gate Security, turn on the right side toward the power plant, 100 meters on the right side.

FOR SALE 19ft BAYLINER, 115 HP Evinrude / trailer. Following is new VHF system, Bimini top, paint, Color fishfinder/gps/chartploter, anchor+200ft rope, 10 rod holder. Also included: Life vests, compass, 1000watt sony mp3/cd/iphone radio, bilge, stainless steel fitting, fenders, much more. 12.500 US neg. Call 809-884-5858

RED MEAT IS NOT BAD FOR YOU FUZZY GREEN MEAT IS BAD FOR YOU!

www.CaonaboEnterprises.com
Your new life In the Dominican Republic STARTS HERE
We build houses, we rent houses, we sell houses! Check out our extensive listings and give us a call. for English, call Mike @809 571-1741 for Spanish, call Sofia @829 421-8575 for German/French, call Francisco @829 421-8579

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age for Rednecks to 32 ??? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

Costambar Monthly page 19

Large, Luxuriously Furnished House. Panoramic Ocean View from Perfect Distance and Altitude

WEST COSTAMBAR LAND FOR SALE

Was USD 235,000, Now 150,000, if under contract with deposit this year. Call owner (809) 399-4187 for 9 page description with 14 photo document, or e-mail ambercoast@codetel.net.do
“Happiest, breezy and private living assured and apartment income possible”

One lot from beachfront at the end of Calle Guarionex beside Casa Blanca bungalow. The property is on the Cofresi side of west Costambar. The land is 600 square meters with fruit and mature palm trees. The seller has been motivated to sell due to the airlines cancelling of direct flights from Western Canada. ASKING PRICE OF US$41,750 OFFERS CONSIDERED

There is a full set of architect plans for a modest beach house available for an extra fee. Legal title is on file. Please contact Colin in Costambar @ 809-449-1819 Or Ted Hughes / owner @ tedofchi@shaw.ca

Costambar Monthly page 20

Open Tues-Sat 9am to 8:30pm - Sundays 9am to 6pm - CLOSED Mondays
All Day Breakfast Fish & Chips Chicken Curry Full Menu Daily Specialty

Racquetball, handball, wallyball, pool-billiards, Big Screen TV for sports, movies and concerts Smoking and non-smoking areas
VILLA FOR RENT BY THE WEEK

Thursday November 22nd Complete Traditional Dinner Includes turkey, all the trimmings & a glass of wine, cuba libre or soda Two Seatings - 2pm & 5pm Reservations Required RD$550 paid by November 22 RD$600 after (if space available)
Ocean

Sam’s

Loase Resort

calleSanchez

Casa Obear/ Loase Villa

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