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RADDDDD 2012 daniel alexander ISBN: ISBN-13:

this book is dedicated to all the babes in the world.


editor: jamie simone cover photo: alec wiens guest illustrators: alec wiens, amber bradford, and parks perdue

fortune cookie water is unbelievable skeletons sometimes i want to be a monk quotes from a bald dad i am denzel washington

i went to an asain food resturant. the owners fed me a lot of orange chicken, sesame chicken, and steamed rice. it was a great meal. after i was done i got a fortune cookie with this note inside. so i said to myself, okay. this was my first time putting together and writing a book. i had no idea what i was doing while writing this but it was a lot of fun. i will probably look back at this book when i am 32. so hello future self, i am doing great. hope youre not dead yet. love you. - daniel alexander 4 9 16 25 37 40

water is unbelievable its so good where did it come from? doesnt it just get recycled? i could be drinking some gangster guys sweat that dripped from his left eyebrow in 1984 when he was playing basket ball in new york i could be drinking water molecules that were in a cloud traveling over a play ground where 2 kids are laying down looking at it and trying to figure out if it looks like a dinosaur or steve urkel i could be drinking the water raven simone used to clean her dog when she was 5 i could be drinking water used to clean blood off the kitchen floor of a 1974 crime scene in detroit i could be drinking mike tysons spit that was spit out on the mat after biting a chunk of evander holyfields right ear off in 1997 i could be drinking small quantities of beer that stone cold steve austin poured all over him self before one of his matches i could be drinking natalie portmans tears i could be drinking water that was filmed in the titanic movie from there it all evaporated and traveled across the world to make it into my cities water system and now i am drinking it i feel a part of the earth right now

skeletons skeletons are crazy if i was a ghost would i have a skeleton? when we die we become 2 monsters. a skeleton and ghost but then i realize.. humans are just ghosts and skeletons combined would the dogs in the world eat me if they knew i had 208 bones under my skin? this is a secret we must all keep away from the dogs if the secret does get out the baha men might as well make a song entitled who let the dogs know earth then becomes dangerous place to live the year is 2059 planet of the dogs

sometimes i want to be a monk i want to wear those orange robes, maybe even carry buckets of water up hundreds of stairs everyday train all day by hitting the same tree for 3 years straight so that my knuckles would make an indention in the bark then right before dinner sit down outside on a wooden porch and meditate my eyes would be closed but i would be able to see a forest in front of me a deer grazing on the grass that surrounds my zen garden its like im transported into another reality where everything is nice and peaceful then i come back to my own reality then i come back to my own reality then I come back to my own reality i was so far into meditation i was 4 layers deep into a thought of another reality other than my own i would then stand up to walk into the temple leaving my shoes at the door im sitting at a table only high enough to let my knees rest under them the steam from the rice would cause condensation on my face after eating i would travel into my bedroom to layout a mat of thin bamboo sticks as a bed then wake up the next day and do it all over again

quotes from a bald dad what the hell, my ice turned into water im pissed!!!! yeah hi, I bought these nosebleed seats and my nose didnt bleed. i want a refund. my back hurts. i donated all my hair dryers to the local goodwill because im bald. hey little doggy its MORPHIN TIME! i love walmart. hey lady that donut doesnt have a hole in it whats wrong with it? .. oh why the hell would you creme fill a donut? ow my back. no honey I didnt pick up the kids from school today. wait why the heck am i talking to a jar of honey? im watching the football game i dont have time to come to your school play son. ive been bald for 30 years. rogaine wont work for me. why would i want to look like dog the bounty hunter anyways? no i cant sweep the kitchen. i have a bad back.

i am denzel washington last night i ate fried rice and hot dogs mrs. washington cooked it for me i gave her my signature smile that i give in my movies some people may confuse me with president washington but my teeth are not wooden and i am also black i think if you look far enough back george could be one of my great grandfathers i always saw a bit of me in him, you know like walking away from explosions we are also two guys that love hair. his looked like rolls of parchment mine looks like black licorice laying a top the wrinkles on my forehead this is denzel signing off look out for my new movie bad boyz 7 this winter

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