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-8There was also an incident that when I was at work and I needed for Ladd to take care of Marie,

that he didn't feed her for 6 hours. He would sleep on the couch while she watched television in her room. When she was hungry, she wasn't allow ed to bother him while he slept. He told her if she was hungry to write it on pa per in big letters, "I'M HUNGRY"!. He then told her to keep writing it over and over again. She wasn't allowed to look out the window, or look at the time. When she told me this, I quit my job. I asked at work if they would allow me to work days. They refused. So I left them a letter, explaining my situation. Without a 2 weeks notice, and I quit my job at the library. I was under a lot of stress. Now I was unemployed. It took 2 years until I found a job. It was at a bowling alley. I loved that job . But again, Ladd wasn't the good father like he promised to be, and the inciden t occurred again. If she was hungry, she had to write it on paper. What I don't understand is why, DCFS and social services M.H. didn't believe my daughter, and believed Ladd's story. They told me they she needed to see a shrink. She was 7 years old. A kid for Christ sake. He had a court date, but he pleaded guilty, and only received 5 years on his record that he wasn't allowed to work in day ca re, babysit, or any job that requires children. So what do you all think of that ?????? 3/12/2001:Sometimes I wish things were different. Sometimes I wish I never got m arried, or married someone else. It seems like I'm always going somewhere either to court cause of a fight or just bullshit .Ladd, is so hard headed. He's no fu n. He is very cold. He wants Marie to be raised as a solider. She's a 7 year old . She will grow up fast in seconds, and then she'll be gone. Ladd, says that he wants her out of this family. How can he say that. She's my daughter. Marie is a fraid. I don't blame her. But we have no where to go. Tomorrow is Tuesday, I was thinking about putting all my old diaries together to write a story. ;) {Hmm how interesting. It's funny that I thought about that before, and now final ly I'm accomplishing it.} The next day, I woke up with a headache, not your ordi nary head ache , but a migraine. Those suck. I made a n Dr. appointment for depr ession. I'm under a lot of stress and depressed. I miss my ex boss. Her name is Denise. She was one of my good friends. She loved Mel Gibson, I did too. I remem ber once when Mel was in town, filming his movie, "what women want". When drove to Chicago, all the cameras were set up. But Mel was a tad late. He was suppose to be at the set at noon. He came at 3. So Denise and I were walking around. We seen this building, "movie extras".So we went in sat down, and waited, and waite d. One of the crew came in and asked if we were the extras, yeah sure. We had to wait in an other room. But we just got up and left. We did see Mel Gibson that day. He looked good. May 2001: Marie has an dentist appointment. today. Ladd offered to go with. Whic h seems odd. He's acting too nice towards us. Telling me that I'm his one and on ly and he loves us both very much. For some odd reason I think ,,he's cheating o n me. Marie is leaving tomorrow.. She's going to the Czech Republic with my brot her. It's gonna be strange not having her around. I miss her already. I have wen t to the Gyne last week.. The doctor just called me to tell me that I was diagno sed with pre-cervix cancer. They had done a lot of testing, also they had to fre eze my cervix. The doctor told me that cervix cancer is caused by having a a lot of sexual partners. Ladd has been acting weird again., he bought me a toaster. Ladd just doesn't buy gifts. Something's up. But what?? I was thinking about goi ng back to the Czech Republic. Now I know why Ladd has been acting so weird, he' s going to Ohio with our friends Brooke and Chris. They're nice people. But Ladd offered to go with. I'm not even sure they want him to go. In fact he told Broo ke that he doesn't want to come back. That he doesn't love us anymore. More powe r to Ladd. Ladd actually went to Ohio. I was home all alone. Marie was gone also .. I told one of his co- workers Julie, that I was leaving for Europe next year wit h Marie. It just wasn't working out. I don't have the money for a divorce. Ladd didn't love us anymore, and I was just so fed up with him, his girlfriends, his

abuse, his cheating, and his actions. I was almost scared to the point to even s peak to him. I asked Marie on how she felt about moving back to Czech to live wi th Grandma and Grandpa again. She was all pro. So I spoke to my brother about it , he agreed. I only told Ladd that we were going on vacation to visit my parents . He said it was a good idea. In fact he had already made plans. This was a big step for me. But I finally stood on my feet.But the mistake was to go back to my parents. This was my decision. I had to stick with it.