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TEARS OF A MAN

With Er. James Musoke
The KEY RING is a monthly publication by the Kampala Baptist Church Men’s Ministry that seeks to provide an avenue where men can share knowledge and understanding of the word of God, experiences, encourage one another as the older men also perform the act of ‘paralambano’ to the younger men. Our prayer is that the Lord will speak to you through these publications.

Issue 9 - November 2012

“Why have you taken Ruth and why is it me that has to go through this?”. I had lots of ‘whys’ but as I quietened and listened to God more and more, my ‘whys’ slowly turned to ‘whats’. I told God: “I have 3 children I have to take care of them, what can I do now?” After changing the whys into whats I got inner peace and joy and I started learning how to move on. I finally understood the real definition of joy through such a situation. Joy is deep -seated happiness that only God bestows. And how did you deal with the pain that came with the loss of your dear wife? My first reaction was I kept away from people. I wanted some time to myself talking to God, listening to God, praying. In fact I had never prayed as much as I did at that time. During that time I also involved myself in a lot of work, I kept my self so busy.

Have you ever cried? Yes I have. Big boys cry. What do you mean by Big Boys Cry? Some people do not expect a grown up person to shed tears but when a grown up does shed tears, those are usually genuine tears. What are some of the things that would make you cry? When am hurt; not physically but emotionally. For example I grew up in a polygamous family Peter interviewing Er. Musoke and did not want my life to follow the same trend. I therefore asked God to help me get married only to one wife. To the best of my knowledge I was faithful and yet the Lord decided to take away my dear wife from me; that made me cry. I felt like God had let me down; I just shed tears.

“people who are always supporting others are usually very hard to support”

The other thing I did was to bring the children closer to me knowing that now I was the only parent they had. I started checking on them much more than I used to. Prior to that, I had a job that required me to travel both up and out of the country a lot. However when Ruth passed on, I left that job and decided to stay right here at home with my children.

Do you have any pointers in your life that can show that you have dealt with the pain that came with your wife’s death? If big boys cry, would you shed tears in a public place? Yes I would. It is not shameful. When one is hurting and tears come, it is good to let them Yes there are: flow. The only advice I can give the big boys is that they have to explain the reason for the My children are one of those; they are happy and doing well. tears so that people do not mistake them for simply being overly emotional big boys. I also realised that I had to move on. My bed room [formerly mine and Ruth’s] is on the East So would cry before your children or side of the house. So even after she passed on, the sun would rise and set every day and church? through that I realised the world hadn’t stopped because Ruth had gone. So I had to move “I turned the blame to Yes, but with an explanation on. I therefore started working and the fact that I can go and work is an answered prayer.

God...why have you taken Ruth and why is it me that has to go through this?”

What does it feel like for you when you cry? I fee like a burden has been made lighter for me; the pain remains but it becomes easier to bear.

Then time came and I thought I had to move on. I have found a friend. I shared it with my children first and later my friends. I took a while to tell them for I was convinced that for me the main stake holders in this arrangement were my children. How is that relationship with your ‘new friend’ going? It is going on well. Come December this year, there is going to be a wedding.
Are there any lessons you have picked up as a person through this whole experience? The first lesson is remaining focused. Being a Christian and not asking God questions but listening to God and waiting to hear from Him. The other lesson for me is knowing that God is Sovereign and we cannot ask Him ‘why?’ Another one is that if you have children, you do not move away from them but stay close to

I remember one Sunday I came to church. That was the time I was starting to sense that the ray of hope for Ruth’s (my late wife) survival was getting dimmer by the second. I took my usual seat at the back of the church and observed as the worship service went on. And despite what was happening in my life, the pain I was having, life for the rest of the church was moving on normally and people couldn’t see or feel the way I was feeling. I asked myself: don’t these people understand what I am going through?

I entered one of the rooms at the back and cried. Moments later I heard someone open the them. door and walk in. I turned and saw Doctor Mawano. He put his hand upon his shoulder and I And also knowing your friends in terms of what they can do and what they cannot do; you have just cried the more.
to understand them. Otherwise you will get very disappointed and annoyed thinking that they

Dr. Mawano then asked me what the problem was and I told him that Ruth was going to die. do not understand you or they do not love you. Being in the medical profession am sure he knew that Ruth was indeed going to die.

The other lesson for me has been in how to raise children. As a single parent and as a man I have

Before crying, my heart was heavy but after crying I felt good. For m it was a sign of learnt a lot about raising young ladies and a young man. acceptance that I was hurting. Not a lesson but I must say that the church was really supportive during that time of grief. They offered many kinds of help including financial support. When your dear wife passed on, how was that whole experience for you? When she passed on, I was numb. Her last few months were definitely very bad as she was Off the record: We know that you are very really not doing well and all this time I thought I was getting used to handling all affairs by passionate about young people, especially the myself but when she breathed her last, I felt like she had left us nowhere. The first week was young men marrying well and we hear there about burial arrangements and all the stipulations so I went through it tenaciously. After that is something you are cooking, do you want to week, I felt like I was on a plane with 3 children and the pilot had pushed us out with our par- give us a sneak peek? achutes and we were dropped in a place I did not know, somewhere in the wilderness. Then I It is really good that the study in “Marrying wished we would be taken up in the rapture at that moment and survive the unknown. I did Well” is in the pipe line. I do not want to see people marrying because it is a wave; my not know what to do with the children and yet Ruth had been ill for 6 years. And what kind of feelings did you have at that point? riage has to be after serious consideration It made me cry. I had feelings about not being certain of what to do next. It wasn’t the feeling after which one comes to the decision that he of ‘I have lost someone’ but that of ‘what next?’ I remember at that moment I did not ask needs to marry. God ‘what’, I simply complained, and here am talking about serious complaining.
friend has married so I should also marry. MarEr. Musoke with his Family

I turned the blame to God and told him: “Lord you know my life. You know I have really tried because marriage is an institution where you never graduate. to serve you. I am a Christian and had married one wife [a covenant I had made with God and For the full interview please visit this link: www.kbcmen.blogspot.com/p/blog-page.html fulfilled] but now Lord, look you have left us alone.”

And there are stages or things that people should go through before they make that decision

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