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` 50 November 2012
Your Voice is our Inspiration
Loss of Innocence
Multiple Dating Culture PAGE 53
Men’s Den: What is it to be the Indian Man?
A New, Advanced Centre for Diabetes Management PAGE 76
Citizen’sVoice Gang Rape in NLU Bangalore PAGE 91
CEO (Global Operations) : Nischinta Editor-in-Chief : Swati Amar Deputy Editor : Namrata Amarnath Associate Editor :Valsala Menon Head, Graphics & Design :Ashwini Raje .Bhonsle Editor Art & Culture: Malini Shankar Production Executive : B.Sabitha Marketing Coordination: Sivakumar Associate Editor,TeenMag: Alexandreena Sneha Rhadish Social Media Exe: Alexandreena Sneha Rhadish Advertising & Mktg: R.Ravichandran Prashant Kirthivasan Circulation: Jaganathan, James Expert Panel: Karti Chidambaram Padmashri Dr.V.Mohan M.R.Venkatesh Mallika Badrinath Brinda Jayaraman Dr. Priya Selvaraj Vijaya Chamundeeswari Usha Subramaniam Chitra Mahesh Writer’s Panel: Nischinta (New York) Namrata (Jodhpur) Sumati Ramkumar (Holland) Gayatri T.Rao (Mumbai) Chandrika Radhakrishnan (Bengaluru) Priyanka Sakhamuru ( Hyderabad) Prof. N.Natarajan Padmini Natarajan Kanchana Rao Kirthi Gita Jayakumar Jinal Patel (Pune) Niranjana Hariharanandan (Pune) Geeta Canpadee (China) Radha Chandrasekar (Singapore) Kshitij ( London) Aarti Kamat (Kolkata) Anuradha Ganeshan (Bengaluru) G V Ashok Murthy (Bengaluru) Eve’s Times Group Volume 7 Issue 190 for the month of November 2012. Price Rs. 50/Reg Off : # 18/1 2nd Cross Street Dr.RadhakrishnanNagar, Tiruvanmiyur,Ch 41 E Mail: email@example.com Ph: 91 44 24526739/ 91 44 24521813 Printed by K. Elumalai at Sakthi Scanners (P) Ltd., No 7 Dams Road, Chindadripet, Ch 600 002 Published by Smt. Kamala Balachandran On behalf of Eve’s Times Group. Editor-in-Chief Lata Amarnath.All rights reserved Reproduction in any form is prohibited Eve’s Times Group does not take the responsibility for returning unsolicited publication material.
The Rise of the Watchdog
What’s new with the Indian democracy? So we have a new cabinet. Is that going to make any difference? To the people? To the implementation of any of the plans and projects laid out for the development of the country? Not many have hopes about this either. The growing resentment and disenchantment with the governance among the people is a clear indication that all the systems and pillars of democracy have failed to do what our Constituent Assembly had laid out for the country. Half a century of democratic process has led to an unambiguous demarcation of those who have amassed all and those who have nothing else but survival instinct to keep them going.The rise of the privileged class that leaves no stone unturned to fill their personal coffers and plunder the country’s wealth without any qualms has led to the predicament where nothing happens unless you know someone or you shell out greenbacks. Our political leaders have failed us. So have Corporate India Inc, Bureaucrats, the Media and all other institutions. There is no social change in sight – the frustrated middle class continues to pay taxes, a huge chunk of their hard-earned money in return for nothing. The indigent masses continue to slog worthlessly and the country’s large population lives in the hope that someday someone will change the nation’s destiny. The ripple created by one humble old man who transformed a village indeed shook up the country’s people from deep slumber, comprehending that their fair share of dues are being looted by the new class of unabashed traitors - in the form of political leaders, pseudo educationists, corporate honchos, real estate sharks, land grabbers ….in short…. any class that has an authority or control over some form of resources, power or people. All institutions of governance such as the Election Commission, Central Bureau of Investigation, Public Accounts Committee and others have been undermined effectively. With gruesome skeletons tumbling out of the cupboards almost regularly casting aspersions on members from major political parties, nothing seems to shock the common man anymore. The time is right for a new order to emerge…. For the new watchdog to rise. What we need is a new class of determined people who can put up a united and concerted fight against a political system which is afflicted with degradation and depravity. This system is powerful enough to snuff out any manner of opposition with its strong arm tactics and muscle power. What is needed is the concerted will to earn the faith of the masses riddled with a short attention span and memory. The new watchdog must have a clear agenda and a clear vision and must stand by its commitment with integrity. Any group of people that can promise to draw out the nation from the catatonic impasse and propel us towards a clean, progressive approach to all round development including economic reforms, defence, energy, agriculture, education, environment, foreign affairs, terrorism, law and justice will emerge the winner.
For November 2012
LOSS OF INNOCENCE 26|Yours digitally-tech savvy kids
simplicity from Master- reflection on childhood.
56|Fun way to knowledge 58|Multiple dating culture 62|An unusual pet 65|Jest for laughs 65|Graffiti
37|TULIR- How safe are our children? 64|For your eyes only 45|Child Rights in India- Know your facts.
MEN’S DEN FLAVORS OF
79|Health and Fitness 81|Beauty ‘S Peak 83|Jus’ Ask Brinda 84|Salt ‘n’ Pepper Korner 86|Cook ‘n’ Smile 89|Citizen’s Voice 95|Exotic Destinations 98|Story Club
SAY “NO” TO MALE BASHING! SAY “NO” TO STEROTYPING OF MEN! REALIZE MAN IS NOT AN ATM! STOP TREATING MEN AS UNPAID BODYGUARDS! STOP VIOLENCE AGAINST MEN! UNDERSTAND MEN TOO NEED LOVE AND CARE! UNDERSTAND MEN TOO NEED PROTECTION! DEMAND TRUE GENDER EQUALITY! DEMAND GENDER-NEUTRAL LAWS! DEMAND MEN’S WELFARE MINISTRY!
9|BeingTogether is Celebrating
Popular actor in the southern tinsel town, Poornima Bhagyaraj left the silver screen to raise and nurture her family. She shares her experience.
HAPPY INTERNATIONAL MEN’S DAY!!! Today is ours – Happy Men’s Day
A glimpse into the modern families of Kerala and how they celebrate festivals.
67|Vijay Antony- The brain behind foot tapping music. 68|Male celebs and their mothersCelebs talk about their moms. 70|Artistic view point- Upcoming artist Abhilash Shivdas on women and role models.
A special article on the occasion of World Diabetes DayDiabetes care at its best. In our September issue in our article , ‘To Carry or not Carry,’ in page 36 and 37 the name and designation of the Principal of HVB Academy , Mumbai should read as Dr. Chandrakanta Pathak, M.Sc in Chemistry and Doctorate in Educational Technology. The error is regretted.
16|Festivals and Beyond
Are traditions and festivities undergoing a change? What do modern families have to say?
A tete- a tete with vibrant Taapsee.
Cover Pix : Actor Taapsee Pannu
22|Modern family and lifestyle
People voice out about festivities and celebrations.
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When Flying is a necessity
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Are People Responsible?
Letters to the editor
programmes are telecast, the few that are, come in ‘boring’ channels that are meant only for such ‘lackluster’ programmes. Can popular TV channels also do this? A few episodes of Satyameva Jayate created a fluster nationally, but disappeared into oblivion. It is necessary always for a movie star to be a champion of social causes, whether he or she is true to the cause? Why can’t the channels show common people, the youth, involved in such activities? K. Ravindran, Chennai
October issue of Eve’s Times purports to spread a new awareness on the social responsibility of citizens towards the society. It is heartening to see many youngsters who are involved in social work out of their own volition. When we were young we used to have a choice between NCC and NSS, the later meaning National Social Service. However, these concepts have been since long forgotten. Each one for himself is what we have adopted from the west and seem to be promoting in a big way. At least in the western nations, people have a sense of patriotism, which is lacking here. Media, instead of sensationalizing the muck arising from the political scenario or acts of crimes and aggression, can do a lot in promoting a sense of social service among children. They can conceive programmes that can highlight the importance of social responsibility among citizens; this must especially be youth-based and children’s programmes. Similarly, youngsters involved in such social service can be acknowledged, recognized and asked to share their thoughts and experiences. Unfortunately, while not many such
moms-in-law who has a very modern outlook about family values. She is a librarian in a prestigious library in the city and has been my pillar of support even as I grapple with a demanding career and two extra smart boys.Together, the family pitches in to ensure that each member’s needs are satisfied as best as possible. Sometimes when the car takes the boys to their coaching classes, she doesn’t mind hopping into an auto and heading towards home, after grappling with the notorious Chennai auto fellas. And she does the grocery or vegetable shopping on the way back after ensuring I haven’t done it. We all take turns in the family to do whatever chores are needed. My fatherin-law, who has never done these chores, has now been ‘trained’ by my mom-in-law to do small things, of which vegetable and fruit shopping is one! It is in the hands of the mother-in-law to ensure that her family moves ahead with progressive values in a difficult world today. And if all mothers-in-law use their enhanced status as women to put it to good use, I can confidently say our children have a bright future! Kudos to the women who take their families forward! Janvi Mukesh, Chennai
The Super Mom-in-Law Brigade
After the profusion of grey shades of moms-in-law in television serials, it came as a breath of fresh air to read about moms-in-law who are stepping into the shoes of moms. My mother-in-law too belongs to the brigade of the new era
October articles on Bringing up Daughter display the change in the attitude towards daughters in enlightened families. I launched into fond memories of my little baby girl and how when I held her in my arms, the little bundle changed me! A beatific smile from the little angel and I told myself, ‘She is mine. I will see to it that she gets the best the world can give her.’ Today, after hard toiling by both of us parents, our daughter is holding a high position in a corporate abroad and is happily married. Given our middle class income and lack of family support, it was indeed a Herculean task for us to even dream of this. But we had faith in ourselves and in her. She has understood the depth of our feelings and support and did her best to make full use of the opportunities that came her way; or she created for herself. She is very much attached to us and so is her husband, as she is to his parents.
November 2012 7
Your Voice is our Inspiration
Eve’s Times Wishes all its Readers A Very Happy, Healthy, Prosperous &
For You and Yours!
INTREPID FOOTSTEPS A MARCH TOWARD SUCCESS…. LET’S BUILD A BETTER WORLD TOGETHER
BEING TOGETHER IS CELEBRATING TOGETHER
oornima Bhagyaraj does not require any introduction. No one can forget the pretty lady with the dazzling smile who captured the hearts of cine goers, young and old alike in the 80’s. The demure, sad yet lovelorn role she portrayed in the Malayalam film, ‘Manjil Virinja Pookkal’ won her the Best Actress award in 1980. ‘Payanangal Mudivathillai’ in Tamil won her the best Filmfare award in 1982.The roles she portrayed still remain fresh in the minds of many. Poornima shares with Eves times, a glimpse into her life, family and life style. Excerpts: You left the film industry right after your marriage. Was it your personal decision? Yes, it was very much a personal decision, though I did discuss it with my husband. He was never against my continuing to act, but it was I who decided to stay at home. I have always wanted to be a family woman, taking care of my husband and children. Have you ever regretted having quit the cine industry? Not really, since I have been managing my husband’s official work and have been in touch with the industry. Well, yes, I do regret having quit acting only with regard to fitness. All my friends have continued to act and have maintained their fitness, taking care to remain slim. I wish I too had done that and if I had continued to act, I would
have taken pains to keep slim and fit. (Laughs). Would you like to make a comeback to acting? In fact, I have just about completed shooting for a film directed by Susheendran, titled ‘Adalal Kadal Seyveer.’ In fact I quite enjoyed acting for this film and I have decided to do roles which will suit my current life style. I relish spending time with my family and whenever time permits, I am willing to act. Was your family supportive about your coming back to acting? Of course yes. It was only due to my son Shantanu’s and my husband’s support and encouragement that I decided to do this role. My son has been quite insistent of late that I should come back to acting. And I have realized that acting is my forte. Apart from acting, what are you most passionate about? I run a boutique, where I design sarees and blouses for weddings. I have a workshop from where several ladies work on embroidery and tailoring for me, and managing that takes up a lot of time. What do you do during your spare time? All my spare time is spent on watching movies. I just love watching movies of all languages, especially Tamil, Hindi,
During Diwali we get to be together as a family, so we relish spending time together. Even though we love the fireworks, the kind that do not make much noise, we do not burst crackers anymore.”
November 2012 9
Not at all, right from his teenage days, my son has wanted to get into films. But my daughter is not all that keen and she is now full time into jewelry making. She travels extensively for that too. An entire generation grew up watching Bhagyaraj’s movies. I hope he comes back to making movies. What’s your take on that? Recently, Bhagyaraj had acted in a Malayalam film titled Mr. Marumakan, with Dileep, and he enjoyed it so much. Actually, Bhagyaraj was just taking things cool for a while and concentrating on my son’s film career but he will be making a movie pretty soon. How do you all enjoy as a family together? What is your typical family time together? Family time is when we all dine together each night. We discuss the day’s happenings freely. Initially when my children were younger, we used to go on holidays but since they are grown up, they have the freedom to do as they please.We do go for films together, and also dine out occasionally as a family. What is your personal take on the numerous soap operas and serials being telecast in various channels? I too watch one or two; one in English, another in Hindi. Frankly speaking, it is not a healthy trend. It is addictive too. Most serials are negative, focusing on mother-in-law issues and dowry. But even though in cities, we have a progressive mentality, it is not the same in the rural areas. So women empathize with such characters, and the channels capitalize on this. Have you at any point of time thought of trying your hand at script writing? Never. That is my husband’s domain entirely; I am not good at writing scripts. Do you enjoy reading books? I used to love reading but nowadays I hardly have the time. I enjoy fiction more than non-fiction and my favorite authors are Jeffrey Archer and Sidney Sheldon.
Malayalam and English. Even though I do watch Telugu movies, I do not understand the language but nowadays it’s not a problem since most movies have sub titles. Now that it is festival time, what do you feel about celebrating festivals? I am not at all into celebrating festivals; I am just not a very festival oriented person. Whenever it is festival time, my family and I prefer to watch all the newly released movies. That’s basically how we love to celebrate. So, you do not relish celebrating festivals the traditional way? Well, we do a small puja during Diwali, have sweets, and catch up on all the movies shown on TV. And as I said earlier, we go out to watch all the new releases. We never visit friends during festivals. Those are the days we get to be together as a family, so we relish spending time together. Even though we love the fireworks, the kind that do not make much noise, we do not burst crackers anymore. With so much awareness about child labor and the
kids at Sivakasi being made to forego a normal childhood, in order to make a living, we as a family, never buy or burst crackers. What do your children feel about celebrating festivals? They too are not so keen on celebrating festivals the traditional way; we have taken them to villages and made them enjoy the traditional way of celebrating Pongal. Even though they enjoyed it in their child hood, I don’t think they too are very much into celebrating festivals. What genre of movies do you love watching? I like entertaining, comedy and commercial films. I am not too much into sentimental stuff. But well, yes, if the story line is good, I watch them too. I am part of the International film festival panel; I am on the committee, so I get to watch a lot of internationally acclaimed films. What do you both as parents feel about your children getting into movies? Did they do so on their own or did you prompt them to do so?
Traditional Vs Modern
Gayatri T Rao
current trend seems to be a return to tradition. What does life in the bustling metros and cities entail? How are urban families transcending into the global era, adapting their lifestyles to new trends? How are they able to continue traditions, or do they? Do they celebrate festivals? Have they adopted modernity in their celebrations? What kinds of families live in the 21st century India? Four women talk about their families and the traditions they follow. When I went around looking for young couples for this article, none of the married men came forward! Only four women were ready to speak about their families. Thus you can understand the importance of tradition and festivals in the life of the typical Indian male!
Shruti Kothari, a freelance writer married to an army officer posted in Kashmir, does not have a permanent place to live. Post marriage she has
jewelry site. Swapnali Gopale is another PR from Mumbai.
Life in the City
Shruti found Delhi, where she got married, an extremely new experience. Before that she had just heard negative stories alone about the capital city, besides the information that the food and shopping experiences are great. For her it was all new - marriage, the city - so she says, in that light, life’s been good. Simran is of the opinion that city life is very appealing but the rate of its development is harmful for human survival. She says, “All big city dwellers remain busy. Even next door neighbors
been living mostly with her husband, often with her in-laws in Delhi and sometimes with her mother in Pune. Based in Noida, Simran Kaur is a Public Relations Executive, handling fashion and lifestyle brands. New Delhi resident Neha Arya works as an Assistant Manager-Corporate Communications with a leading online
Festivals and Beyond……
Chandrika R Krishnan
any feel traditions and festivities are dying out in our ‘super fast life’ that we all lead. I personally love this time of the year. Back then we used to look forward to buying one of the two new dresses that were allotted to us by our parents during our growing up stage. The enthusiasm with which we went shopping for the ‘dress’ that met with both our allotted budget and our ‘keeping up with the Joneses in fashion’ made the outing all the more special. Even after two decades, I still remember many of the ‘Deepawali dresses’ that I was a proud owner of! Besides the
shopping, the argument with our parents for increasing our share of the crackers and the eagerness with which we made sure that there was maximum utilization of fire crackers still linger in my memory. The smell of the ghee that permeated our house while my mother made the sweets and savouries is something I relish to date. More than the pieces of the sweets, it was the fight that we three sisters had over the ‘scrapping of the pan (kadhai)’ that I remember more than ever! The nostalgia and the excitement that assail me whenever any kind of celebration that ensues is my parent’s
legacy to me, which I would cherish more than the property that would eventually be bequeathed to me by my parents! I also try my best to leave that legacy –the legacy of values and happy memories for my children as my parents gave to us. I try to do what my mother did when we were young. Despite my being a working professional, every festival sees me sweating it out in the kitchen to make my family’s favourite dishes. I simply love the aroma of ghee, heated oil as the crisp sweets and savouries are being cooked and the incense sticks in the pooja room. The joy and
aapsee Pannu is the new girl from the north who has come to Kollywood to seek her fortunes. Steeped in family values, this young damsel is a computer science engineer who took up modelling, got bored with it and is now trying her hand at acting. As a computer engineer in a software firm in Delhi, Taapsee is credited with developing fontswap, an application for the iPhone. She has appeared in several prestigious ads as a model and won titles such as the Pantaloons Femina Miss Fresh Face and Safi Femina Miss Beautiful Skin. After her debut in a Telugu film, she entered Tamil Films with the film Aadukalam (2011) that won six National Film Awards. Her role as an Anglo-Indian girl who falls in love with a rural youth played by Dhanush got noticed. Presently, Taapsee is busy shooting for a couple of Hindi films, three Telugu films and a couple of Tamil movies. Her movie Maranthen Mannithen is scheduled for release this Deepavali season. “Ours is neither a nuclear family nor a joint family. My father and his brother live as neighbours and my grandmother stays with my uncle. My father has always ensured that both brothers buy similar properties next to each other. They buy the same kind of furniture, amenities and everything for their homes. The houses are painted at the same time during Diwali,” she says. Taapsee has a younger sister who goes to work. Her mother is a homemaker. Her father is the binding force who inculcates strong family values among all his family members. According to Taapsee, his love for his mother is boundless. “ I have never seen anybody as emotional as my father when it comes to his mother. For him, his mother is the world and the most important person . He still feels for my grandmother more than he does for any of us.” Having obtained his education from Cambridge, her father did not have the opportunity to learn Punjabi. “He was particular that all of us go to a school run by our community and learn to read and write Punjabi, which will keep us close to our cultural values,”
she discloses. Children were free to pray whenever they wanted to. In Sikh religion, there is no idol worship. Her father insisted that they be spiritual, “But more than that, ‘do good and be good,’ he would say,” she says. Interactions among family members are amicable and festive occasions are times for meeting up and chatting up. Other than visits to the Gurudwara during Guru Purab that comes twice or thrice a year, the Pannu family celebrates all important festivals including Diwali. “ The main idea of celebrating festivals for our family is to spend time together enjoying , entertaining, eating good food and having a good time together,” says Taapsee, “ I am a foodie and I always look forward to Diwali because that is when I get to gorge on my favourite sweet, Kaju Katli, which floats around in Delhi a plenty,” she giggles.
Taapsee is the oldest among the younger generation of cousins, which she says makes her feel responsible toward them. When she goes abroad for shooting, she picks up little gifts for all the members of her huge extended family, a culture which is very important to her. Right now Taapsee is in Delhi to attend the wedding of her best friend. “We live in the same neighbourhood and have grown up together from school. I made it a point to snatch three free days from my hectic schedules just to be with her and enjoy her marriage,” she discloses, “ I am in a profession which I know will not be for long. Hence, I don’t want to lose out on memorable occasions with my family members. I make it a point to be with my family , wherever I am, during my birthday for three days. These are valuable days for me,” says Taapsee as she glows with pride for her family.
“ The main idea of celebrating festivals for our family is to spend time together enjoying,entertaining, eating good food and having a good time together,” says Taapsee
There is a garden in every childhood, an enchanted place where colors are brighter, the air softer, and the morning more fragrant than ever again.
Loss of Innocence?
hildren’s day is just round the corner. Over the years, a lot has been written about what the ‘grown ups’ think about the youth. We have always listened to ‘things were so different in our days…’ ‘The youth these days are going to go to the dogs!’ Have we ever stopped to think or even ask our children whether they are happy having us as their parents? Are we doing the right things for them? Do we qualify as good parents? What are their favorite pastimes? What do they think about their teachers? Eves Times attempts to find out. Here are some excerpts.
Kid speak on parents
emories of childhood are often linked with friendship. The more enriched this relationship is, the happier this time is for kids. This Children’s Day we rediscover the meaning of friendship among the children of today. Here is what kids and young teenagers had to say on what role friendship plays in their lives as well as what they look for in their buddies. Come, take a peek!
What I want in my
Fourteen year old Farhan Afridi from Cal Public School believes that friendship is a strong relationship. “It is second to the bond between parents and their kids. People need friends or else they will be completely bored,” Farhan quips. The class VII student looks for qualities like a sharing nature and one who helps in difficult situations. For Farhan, those who use people and drop them after a while have traits that disqualify friendship. Says Komal Singh, a feisty fourteen year old girl, “I want my friends to be truthful and trusting. I don’t like those who indulge in backbiting.” Giving titles to friends is a complete no-no for Komal. Her circle of seven friends and she have different likes and dislikes but the common binding factor is their sense of humour, the level of understanding and the trust they share. “We have been friends since the third standard,” she says proudly. Bhavna G., who has just entered her teens, believes that friends should have their own identities. “My friends do not have to be like me. They can have their own ideas,” she says. According to the class VIII girl, an important factor in friendship lies in compromise. “It is annoying when some friends are stubborn and they just want to be who they are. This does not allow the relationship to be deep. Another requirement is that friends should be understanding,” she adds with conviction. Her group of fourteen friends at school and she share a love for the same
We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future.” Franklin D. Roosevelt
kind of food and music. For Sriram Naidu, 10, friendship means sharing stuff and helping each other. “I like hanging out with friends. My friends must accept my faults and be forgiving. I don’t like it when my friends say bad words and tease about having more things than others,” says this witty class V kid. Vansh Agnihotri does not like stinginess, rough or violent behaviour in his friends. “I like those who talk nicely and are helpful,” says the ten year old from DPS. After conversing with these young individuals, it is obvious that a supportive home is a necessity for their generation. As for their friend being the teacher’s pet, they unanimously agree that they would not be jealous. In fact, they feel proud and happy with it and use it as a motivational factor to better themselves. According to Farhan, if his friend is the teacher’s blue-eyed-baby, he knows for sure that his friend is better than him in some ways and will try to work to win the teacher’s praise. They also look down on fair-weather friends and expect their friends to be there during the good, bad and the ugly. With that, Eve’s Times bids adieu to these little amigos.
Komal Singh (second from left)
Sriram Naidu (left)
idya Reddy and Nancy are two amicable, vibrantly positive and socially conscious ladies, who met each other during a conference; the duo, along with a couple of other volunteers felt the need for an organization In India that dealt solely with awareness, prevention and healing of child sexual abuse.
We teach a child that he or she is the Boss of his or her body; they have every right to say ‘ “NO’ when they are touched in ways that confuse them or make them uncomfortable. Children should be taught to be assertive.”
They set up the Tulir Center for the Prevention and Healing of Child Sexual Abuse. The word “Tulir” literally translated means the tender leaves of a plant. The basic objective of this organization is to work towards creating a universal society where every child feels safe and secure. In a very candid, casual yet enlightening talk with Eves Times, Vidya and Nancy share a wealth of information and insight into what Tulir stands for.
What is the age when you first speak to your child regarding personal safety and body integrity?
have also tied up with Round Table, Chennai to promote and create awareness. All our work commences from the primary school age. We have the ‘My Personal Safety’ work book which helps children know when it is unsafe to be touched in a particular manner. The book is a fun learning tool that helps to build up a child’s self esteem as well as create awareness on how to avoid being abused. Most importantly, through our varied resources and tools that you can check out on our website www.tulir.org, we teach a child that he or she is the Boss of his or her body; they have every right to say ‘ “NO’ when they are touched in ways that confuse them or make them uncomfortable. Children should be taught to be assertive. We use the words ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’ rather than good touch or bad touch. There is always a social stigma attached to a girl’s virginity and most parents do not want to talk about such things; or they try to impart the feeling of shame to such abuse. Hence, we never use the words ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ Thus, the child is more vocal about issues and open up to adults to help them when faced with an embarrassing situation.
There is no particular age from which you can start talking to your child. Any child, be it a boy or a girl, is potentially at risk at any age. There have been instances of child sexual abuse against even a six month old child; and also a two year old. It’s entirely up to the parents to decide for themselves regarding the right age to start educating their children. We stress on the old adage of, “Prevention is better than cure.” We advise parents to start early and slowly build up their child’s self esteem. Just as traffic rules are imparted to the child, parents should drive in the fact that the child‘s body is his or her own, which should be kept clean and healthy, and not for anyone else to touch or abuse. Children should be taught to use their feelings to understand whether they feel safe or unsafe with certain people. When a child starts asking innocent questions about his or her body, do not try to avoid these questions. Take time to sit with them and patiently explain about whatever the child would like to know. Thus, not only are you educating your child, but you are also building up trust in them. Later on, the child would feel comfortable about coming to you in times of need. As parents, be fully aware of everything that happens to your child. Talk to them about children who have grown up in dire circumstances but yet, made a huge success out of their lives. All this helps to build up confidence and self esteem in your child.
What are the indications that a child has been abused which a mother or father can notice, so that they can be alert and try to handle the situation?
If you have built up trust and confidence in your child, he or she will definitely confide in you. Or else, they might show reluctance to talk about the person who has abused them. Look out for signs of fear or anger when you talk about certain people. There might be behavioral changes as well- they might revert to child hood habits of sucking the thumb, or wetting the bed, isolating themselves, or being listless and dull. Children who have previously done well in academics might suddenly show a marked disinterest in studies, and they might display acute dislike for gender related topics. Are there any visual materials which a parent may use to educate the child? We have a lot of such material at Tulir.
It can be anyone whom the child feels comfortable talking to. Most importantly, the child should be able to trust you as an adult that he or she can approach at any time. As parents, it is your responsibility to help build up that trust.
Who is the right person to talk to the child- mother, father, or teacher?
What are the psychological problems abused children face when they grow up?
They might show a marked disinterest in sex; in fact, it varies from person to person.There have been several instances wherein people who had been abused as children have come in for counseling.
At Tulir, we have a lot of resources and tools to educate the child without deliberately seeming to do so. We have animated movies, CDs and posters. We
How can the matter of child sexual abuse be put across to a small child?
It is virtually impossible to try to prevent such instances but the best we can do is to be aware and be on the alert. Try to incorporate certain dos and don’ts. For instance, tell your children not to share information regarding their name and address to virtual strangers. Instruct children to never ever allow anyone to touch them physically.
What do you think should be done to bring down instances of Child Sex abuse?
Educate them on their specific body parts. Allow children to be conscious of their intuitive feelings; at any point of time if they feel uncomfortable with anyone, teach them to pay heed to their instincts and walk away from the place. Trust your children and pay heed to what they have to say. Never look down or put them down when they come to you for help or advice. Teach them that they too do have the right to their space and to never allow anyone to intrude into their privacy.
How should parents react when children confide in them?
carve out careers, they neglect to take personal responsibility for safeguarding their children. They should take time and interest to do a back ground check on servants before employing them. And the parents are all too eager to pack off their kids to summer camps. They do not understand the value of spending quality time with their kids. Instead, we see children forever hooked on to social media sites and cell phones. Why do they need to be having cell phones when they are kids? With so many applications available on cell phones, only parents are to blame if they get themselves hooked on to unwanted sites.
Let your child know that you are listening with full attention to what they have to say. Never tell them that you are too busy to listen to them now. Spend quality time with children. Emphasize the fact that you are happy that they have confided in you and also that they are not at fault. Congratulate them on having come to you.
What behavior does the pedophile exhibit usually?
Most often child abusers are people well known to the parents and children. They will resort to singling out your child for unknown reasons, wanting to spend time alone with them. Without seeming to, they will touch and caress the child’s private parts.They will resort to blackmail and threats to silence the children from trying to confide in their parents. They might suddenly appear from nowhere, especially when the child is changing clothes or bathing. There are so many such behaviors that can be attributed to these child sex abusers.
What want child large
do you personally each parent and or the public at to know about
Nine out of ten cases do not get reported because of media attention. The media needs to hang its head in shame and take responsibility for the fact that so many such cases go unreported or unexposed because of undue media attention. Parents too are responsible- in the mad rush to
hether goodness is a part of man’s nature or nurture, can only be answered, that too in the positive, by a child. In the recent past, I had the occasion to hitch a ride with a colleague after concluding some work that was relevant to us both. We were kept company by her daughter, who is a Picasso in the making and barely 3 years of age. As this little one indulged the art in her, she thought it fit to gift Ashok uncle her drawing, for no apparent reason and without expecting anything in return. The child, free from social conditioning and without anyone imposing upon her the virtuous nature of generosity and kindness, still bestowed them upon Ashok uncle and that to me, was a statement saying that human beings are inherently good. Children essentially validate man’s faith in himself. Therefore when someone decides to take advantage of a child, it is not just an abominable act against the child itself, but challenges the basis for mankind’s self-belief. For these reasons, it is beyond debate that we need to ensure justice, effectively and without mercy, for any crime against a child. POCSO (Protection of Children from Sexual Offenses Act, 2012) is a landmark move, in the sense that the Parliament has finally acknowledged the existence of child sexual abuse in India and more importantly, the pressing need to fight it with conviction and steadfast dedication. As is the case with any enactment, this too invites its share of supporters and critics. But in this article, I am trying to be neither as I only wish to highlight the act, for what it is rather than what it ought to have been or what it could have been.To begin with, Section 2 of the POCSO Act raises the age of consent by defining a child as anyone who has achieved the age of 18. I am given to believe that this decision was based on several reports formulated by stakeholders in the field which indicated that raising the age of consent was a good step to curb exploitation of children. While this certainly will nullify the defence of consent, which would have otherwise been available, where victims were aged 16 and above,
caution dictates that we analyse the ramifications in greater detail. It is no longer a secret that teenagers in the country are sexually active. If the offences set forth in the POCSO Act are read in light of the intent to punish any kind of sexual activity with a child (as defined in the Act), then even consensual sexual activity, sometimes exploratory in nature between teenagers perhaps, invite the risk of attracting the offences under the Act and therefore the probability of branding several teenagers, victims of their own adolescent urges, as juveniles in conflict with the law. One would agree that instead of invoking the Juvenile Justice System, counselling on safe sex practices and the undeniable benefits of abstinence (in the context of teenage pregnancies and STDs) are the more befitting responses in such cases. POCSO Act also mandates, well, mandatory reporting. The Act takes a twofold approach to implement this mandate. On one hand, it stipulates that any person having knowledge of an offense being committed under the Act ought to report the same to the Special Juvenile Police (“SJPU” for short) Unit or its equivalent reflection. On the other hand, any failure to undertake this formality invites penal sanctions via Section 21 (1) of the POCSO Act.
1 out of every 3 girls will be sexually assaulted by the age of 18......... 1 out of 7 children are abused.......... How many do you know? You can’t afford to it........
The intention is obviously to create a more dynamic reporting and hence an enforcement system, where every person who comes in contact with an abused child, be it the teacher, the doctor or in extremely rare cases, a lawyer, to assist the law in punishing the offender. However, no specific exemptions are envisaged for attorneyclient privileges, doctor-patient confidentiality, etc. Therefore, medical examinations by doctors, even as part of their routine work, if revealing of abuse will require the good doctor to report to the SJPU. When viewed in the context of stigma our society, unreasonably and unwisely ascribes towards victims of sexual violence, one wonders if mandatory reporting will end up discouraging children and non-offending adults alike to seek medical help, especially where the child is suffering from a sexually transmitted disease. This could also encourage underground abortion clinics full of quacks to open shop, a situation best avoided. Also mandatory reporting is a concept which is widely used in practice in jurisdictions abroad. However, this is supplemented by a well-equipped bureaucracy and fantastic witness protection programs (like WITSEC of the US Marshal Service) that provides for adequate infrastructure to protect those who come forward to testify against violent offenders. Whether we have such machinery in India or not is an entirely different question which we are not in the best position to answer. The underlining message behind POCSO is that it is not just the parent responsible for a child’s wellbeing, but also the society at large. A number of difficulties may perhaps exist, making the task of advancing the benefits of POCSO, a challenging task. But through government-NGO partnership, the act should see the light of good work provided all parties are open to hearing each other and acting on the basis of the same. However one must take caution of the fact that welfare legislations carry a history of failing to achieve what they envisage in this country, due to many number of reasons, least of all being an ineffective bureaucracy that has failed to hit the mark, notwithstanding best attempts on their part.
The question also remains how the POCSO Act will be harmonized with existing provisions of the Indian Penal Code, the Code of Criminal Procedure, 1973 and not to mention the complicated subject of personal laws surrounding marriage. The solution to the problem which POCSO seeks to address needs to also be viewed in the larger context of police reforms, reforms in prosecution machineries, etc. However our commitment to the child, if strong enough, should find us ways to engage with POCSO without fear or worry about issues such as age of consent or the mandatory reporting. Knowing the judiciary and the fantastic judgements which the Hon’ble Delhi High Court and The Hon’ble Supreme Court have delivered in the recent past on the subject of crimes against women and children, I am confident of the courts interpreting the provisions in a manner that minimizes the manifestation of mischiefs from the various provisions and does justice to the objects of POCSO. That being said, the real question is, are we willing to change? So long as we throw topics of sex and sexuality into the closet and as a result fail to develop a scientific and human understanding of the subjects, we remain vulnerable to sexual violence as a society. So long as we fail to appreciate and respect sex and sexuality as a legitimate part of the human experience, informed consent being the basis for the legitimacy, we can never truly find an ever lasting solution to the disturbing crimes against women and children we see lately. In a number of cases involving child sexual abuse, especially those involving incest, the child refrained from reporting the incident simply because he/she could not comprehend or become aware of the unacceptable and wrong nature of the act inflicted upon him/her. POCSO can only supplement our intents and efforts to fight sexual violence.But so long as we fail to educate ourselves properly on the topic of human sexuality, vis-à-vis, the subject of women and child rights, the act will simply remain a piece of cold text, rather than an evolving organism which assumes the role of a living breathing protector. No, it is not going to be easy and yes, it is going to be
awkward, but it has got to be done. Remember the disturbing statistics of sexual abuse of children in the country and perhaps we might just wake up to the challenge, which in turn could ensure the safe and normal upbringing we want for all children in the world.
ndia’s legal system has had a conspicuous lack of provisions or legislation that has worked towards the protection of children against offences perpetrated against them. In that background, the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences Act, 2012, is a welcome move. Filling in the gaps with a legal provision, the law recognizes the significance of putting an end to Child Sexual Abuse.
Until the passage of the act, there has only been the Indian Penal Code, which save for rape, handled precious little else. Sexual crimes are still a massive “legal gray area” where there is no legal mechanism sufficient to handle abuses that are not rape, or attempted rape. Imprecise, vague and ambiguous provisions with wordings such as “outraging the modesty of a woman” have been incapable of handling cases with allegations of sexual harassment. Another fact that has been disregarded
in the Indian social and legal milieu is the fact that boys are as vulnerable to sexual abuse as girls are. What makes the present law a breath of fresh air is that it is gender neutral, and lays down stringent punishments ranging up to life imprisonment for a broad range of sexual crimes such as non-penetrative sexual assault, sexual harassment, and the use of children for pornography. In addition, it also considers issues such as prevention of re-victimisation of children, recording evidence given by children, protecting their identity, offering children with assistance and expertise from professionals in the fields of psychology, social work and the like. Perhaps there could have been an institution of guardian ad litem in cases of incest, to assess domestic situations and the inclusion of training and sensitization at schools as a mandatory part of the curriculum. Coupled with these absent elements, is the fact that the act criminalizes all consensual sexual activity of those below 18 – there could be consequences of difficult kinds. The Delhi High Court described the move to raise the age of consent from 16 to 18 as regressive, and acquitted a youngster who kidnapped and raped a 17 year old girl who he later married. Only recently, the Delhi High Court described the move to raise the age of consent from 16 to 18 as “regressive” and “draconian,” while acquitting a youth of kidnapping and raping a 17-year-old girl who he had gotten married too. In its present form, the Bill seems set to encourage bogus and unjustified complaints. The best solution? Retain the Act and amend the age provision.
The New CSA Bill
Kirthi Gita Jayakumar
Why it Falls Short
Call CHILDLINE@1098 if you see children being sexually abused or exploited.
law recognizes a child as an entity distinct from adults – and accords rights and privileges, protection and much more. The National Commission for Protection of Child Rights (NCPCR) is the organ that devotes specific attention to the cause of children. It was set up in March 2007 under the Commission for Protection of Child Rights Act, 2005, an Act of Parliament passed in December 2005. The Commission serves to ensure that all Laws, Policies, Programmes, and Administrative Mechanisms are entirely in consonance with the generic principles of Child Rights across the world.
Act 1929. After ratifying the UNCRC in 1992, India changed its law on juvenile justice to ensure that every person below the age of 18 years, who is in need of care and protection, is entitled to receive it from the State. A ‘child’ is a status ascribed to a person based on age. Even if a person under the age of 18 years is married and has children of her/his own, she/he is recognised as a child according to international standards.
A Child is...
According to international law, a child means every human being below the age of 18 years. This is a universally accepted definition of the term “child” and comes from the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC), an international legal instrument accepted and ratified by most countries. India has always recognised the category of persons below the age of 18 years as distinct legal entities. Marriage of a girl below the age of 18 years and a boy below 21 years is restrained under the Child Marriage Restraint
The Rights of a Child
All people under the age of 18 are entitled to the standards and rights guaranteed by the laws that govern our country and the international legal instruments we have accepted by ratifying them. These rights are found under Indian law as well. These rights are guaranteed by the constitution and by specific statutes.
Child Rights in India
Kirthi Gita Jayakumar
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NEW YEAR PAR(I)TY !
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End of the ‘Super Artistes?
November 2012 51
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Multiple Dating Culture PAGE 58
“Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.” Margaret Mead
For Your Eyes Only
Just for laughs and Graffiti
From Kirthi’s Desk .....
I wonder why it’s taken the world so long to designate one day for the cause of the girl child. I wonder why only ONE day should be set aside to celebrate and pursue the cause of the girl child. This first “Day” seeks to focus attention on two major issues affecting millions of vulnerable girls - the tragedy of child brides and the importance of girls’ education. Every single day is a struggle, nearly everywhere in the world, not just for child marriage and the lack of education for girls, but also for much, much more. On an annual basis, as many as ten million girls are removed from school and forced into marriages they do not choose to be a part of. And these girls are young – nine, ten, eleven. Their childhood is long dead, as these girls become mothers while they themselves desperately need theirs around to grow up. Girls across the world are subjected to genital mutilation and genital cutting. They cry out so loudly, that you only hear silence. Girls are sexually and physically abused, over and over again, aging before their time without a choice. Girls are deprived of their rightful dues, because, oh well, they’re girls after all. If this is so bad in peacetime, imagine what would be their plight when there is an ongoing war. Girls are brutally raped, suffering trauma and injury, psychological and physical - that scar them for life. Girls are used as sex slaves – even by the armies of their own country – who should be protecting them; even by the external peacekeepers – who should be protecting them. Irrespective of whether it is wartime or peacetime, girls are sacrificed to preserve “familial honour”. And amongst them all, are those girls who do not exist at all. Their shrill cries from inside the womb as they are dead before they are born – because they are girls, rip the conscience of any normal person. And yet, all that the world can do is designate one day. And on that one day, we will listen to mighty rhetoric. We will do this for the girl child. We will educate our girls. We will make stronger policy for our girl children. Sure. Be my guest. But what happens when the day is over, and the next day comes? This international “day” must not be in isolation – but rather, a flag-bearer for the days to come, to spark off stringent action. Many generations’ worth of cultural ideals colour the mindset of oppressing masses that ill-treat their women. The International Declaration of a Day for the Girl Child (October 11) may spark off a celebration of the identity of a girl in many developed countries and farsighted nations. But it will be a day like every other for girls who grow up in societies that discriminate against them and harm them. One day is not enough to obliterate that. What we need, is continued action. Kirthi Gita Jayakumar
Where is the Girl ‘Child’?
ctober 11 is the International Day of the Girl Child. And it’s the first one.
the occasion of Children’s Day we bring to you the true story of the suffering of a small child. We dedicate this issue of Eve’s Times to little Arshi Akbani and all other little children who are suffering from life-threatening or chronic ailments.
I met this 8 year old girl, Arshi Akbani recently. She is suffering from thalassemia. Her face has become pale yellow instead of the usual red or pink. Initially I thought she was suffering from some sort of juvenile anemia, where the defect is in the hemoglobin. In thalassemia, which is a hereditary disease, the defective gene in the body instructs the body to make an abnormal form of hemoglobin. Thus much of the red blood cells are destroyed and this results in anemia. Arshi’s cousin, her father’s sister’s son is also suffering from the same disorder. According to Arshi’s mother, Shazia, thalassemia was diagnosed for her daughter when she was 6 months old. She says, “She was not as active as the other children and she would get fever often and we were worried.When a doctor was consulted, some medical tests were prescribed. Blood tests revealed that she was a thalassemic.Now my daughter requires blood transfusion every 15 days.” When Arshi was 6 months old the routine of blood transfusion
started. The doctor also suggested a permanent solution for the ailment. He had said that if she had an elder brother or sister, whose blood type matched hers, bone marrow transplantation could be done. Hope has come in the form of her elder brother, Maaz. However, the disease would still leave its effect. Shazia says, “After the transplantation, she will have a normal life, but she will have problems during periods.This also means that she would not be able to bear a child in future.This would be despite the transplantation operation.” We hope and pray, Arshi will see the light of day when kind souls will step in to support her.
Arshi’s Fight against
Gayatri T Rao
tied for life
asual dating or no strings attached, one-night stands and multiple dating partners aren’t considered taboo, particularly among youngsters. It is not talked about in hushed tones anymore! Youngsters today try to fly high with their pre-mature wings and start finding their soul mates from their early teens. But now a days, dating has become a thing of the past for some teens, since the fad now is for the majority to “hook-up”, which means to “spend time with someone”, without any type of commitment towards them. Many teens have adopted this new way of life where there is no real responsibility or commitment to the other person. But the disadvantage for all teens is these transient relationships rob the credibility of future, more permanent relationships. “Although I believe in commitment, until you find ‘the one’, what’s wrong in meeting and dating other people? And not all your fingers in your hand are same. Interacting and dating people to know them better is not wrong,” says Pratap Jadon, a management student. Men and women normally choose the person they date based on physical
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For Your Eyes Only
but today, as I’m finishing my masters, I share a class room full of students from different colleges. We work differently, give importance to different things and react differently as well. It is our grads that have shaped us for all our future endeavours. Learn from every moment, not all things you learn will be taught to you by a professor but by your own life’s experiences. Your learning will come from the way you deal with life and the situations it throws at you. My professor didn’t stop there; she went on to say, “Over the next three years, you will live the theory of natural selection or Darwinism. In the first year you will sit and mingle with people who you think will be your friends till the end, you will be sadly mistaken. Although you don’t agree now and you’re the best of friends today, you will see the change over this one year. In the next year you will see your class in groups, the bunkers, the carefree lot, the studious group and the ones that cease to exist. You will then realise which group you were a part of and the group that you should be a part of. And we come to the last and final year. In the last year, you will be with a set of people that you will be in touch with for most part of your life, after college. These are the lot of people who will be your true friends through everything in life. So look to your left and to your right and think whether they will be the ones who will stick with you till the end.” Those words bring a smile on my face even today. As each year passed by, slowly but surely that is exactly what happened. Today my friends from the third year don’t study with me, in fact we are all doing different things but we are still very much together. One of them is my batch mate in my masters’ course but our friendship exists outside the present environment because we want nothing to come between us. Much like you, I was unable to find a set of people to blend in with and find my own. During the first year, I learnt that there are various types of people that coexisted. I had never known such a variety before. It was quite interesting, however one soon realises the need to be with your own kind. You need not worry much Sneha and just take a look around.You will definitely find your type
somewhere in the corner of the class as I did mine, in the right corner of the last row in class. Although I was always tempted to be with a certain group of people because of their persona, I was soon to realise that panache won’t get you good grades, you rather be on your own and excel at life. Having said that, I do believe that you will find your sort of crowd; it’s not as difficult as you are imagining it to be. And if you don’t, don’t lose hope, there is someone for everyone! An old Chinese myth says that, there is a person on the moon who magically ties people’s shoe laces together so that they find each other here on earth. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tie your shoe laces! This just means that we all have someone for us.Well, I hope I’ve been of help to you and as a parting note I would like to share one of my favourite quotes, as my dad says, “Tough Times Don’t Last, Tough People Do.”
Alexandreena Sneha Radhish
Hi I’m in my second year of college and after a year of knowing everyone in class I’m still having trouble blending in with the crowd. They are various varieties of people in my class and they all seem to form groups and frankly I don’t know where I fit in. it’s quite irritating because I end up spending most days on my own and even though that’s fine, I really do wish I had someone to hang out with, at least to discuss what’s happening in class. Oh! And I don’t like the way they stare at me and hiss when I answer or ask questions in class. Please help! Sneha, Chennai Hello my namesake! Oh college! Some of the best and worst times of life!! (I’ll be done with it in a few more months) On the very first day of college, the first few words of our first ever lecture, a young professor said to us, “College will shape you into the person you will be for the rest of your life.” Those words didn’t mean as much back then
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HAPPY INTERNATIONAL MEN’S DAY!!! Today is ours – Happy Men’s Day
inger, music composer, actor, producer- Vijay Antony dons multiple roles and is a very busy person. His songs linger long after the music has stopped playing and inspires one to do a quick twirl to the foot tapping music. Of late, this very enterprising music director has ventured into the field of acting as well through his movie, “Naan”. Vijay Antony was very enthusiastic about sharing details about his life and life style with Eves Times. Excerpts: Life style Despite leading a very busy life of a music director, producer, singer and actor, I am basically a very family oriented person at heart. What I love most is spending time with my family. Since my office and studio are in the same compound as my home, I do get to spend some beautiful moments with my family. Family My mom Mrs. Mary Babu has always believed in me and in what I do; she has always given me the emotional support I need to continue with all my ventures. I am extremely grateful and thankful to my wife Fatima, who is a pillar of support and it was she who encouraged me to take up acting as well. We have a beautiful daughter Mira, who is studying in the First standard at Church Park. Festivities and Celebrations I am a very different person. I believe that festivals do make people happy; I always prefer to join in when others are celebrating. I pitch in to celebrate all festivals, irrespective of religion. I have very good friends from all religions and whenever they celebrate, I too join in the festivities. I prefer to lead a very simple and peaceful life, and my life style too borders on being simplistic. Childhood I have lived in Trichy, Thirunelveli, Nagercoil and Chennai. So, I can very well say I belong to all these places. I have had a very good childhood. Entry into Music I have never had any special interest in music and I never knew until very late that I had an ear for music. Even during my college days, I showed no inclination for music. But I had the drive to want to excel in something. I wanted to be different. So, I started writing my own songs and singing them. My friends encouraged me and I put together an album. It was an instant hit and later on I went on to procure my degree from Trinity College, London. I came back and set up my own in-house studio Audiophiles at Chennai. Since then, there has been no turning back and my career graph has only kept soaring. Favorite genre of music I love all genres of music, with special preference for Hip hop, country music and all kinds of melody. Favorite singer I like Shreya Goshal. A few words about yourself I am a very sensitive person. My success has been mainly due to my ability to grasp things well, and also my taste for good music.
FOR THE SOUL
Aman’s Mom was also a little uneasy, when he decided to come to Mumbai to join the movies. He reminisces, “Mom’s been a very simple person. She never understood what I came to Mumbai for. Her family is from the army. They have been salary and service ridden. She never understood that acting, singing and dancing could get you money. Slowly she understood that there are other fields, too, through which you could earn a living. But she was scared. She missed me. I don’t blame her. She didn’t want to lose her son in Mumbai. Her elder brother tried to get into films forty years back. He went to England and moved away from them. When things didn’t work out for him, he drank himself to death. You understand the reason why she was very scared? She wanted me to aspire to work with Air Force as an Indian Force Pilot because I had cleared the entrance exam. Now finally she is convinced. But whenever I go back she always asks when I wouldbe returning home!She is avery simple person. If I were in a mythological show she would have watched me act.”
Arif says that his mother’s most redeeming quality would be her selflessness. He continues, “She has aquiet compassion and innate honesty in intent.There are many such instances to share about her quiet compassion and tasks being executed by her to make my life easy.” In Aman’s opinion, it would be his mother’s patience. He says, “She has been very patient with her family. Silent and quiet, she would never give in to any reaction. I wish I had the patience my mother has. Every time I meet her it’s memorable even today. Four to five years back, I had gone back home for a vacation. She smacked me on my face! I realized I was just her son who had still not gone away.”
Message to the Readers
Arif Zakaria: Respect and love your parents for they aren’t going to be around forever. Show your love and concern now as there might not be another day. Aman Verma: I have heard from people, “Maa ke pairon ke neeche jannat hoti hai”(There is heaven at one’s mother’s feet) and I firmly believe in that. She is the only person I am very close to.
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Agada Diabetes Care No.8, Dr. Nair Road, T. Nagar,Chennai -600017, India Email: email@example.com , firstname.lastname@example.org Ph: 91-44-3013 3721
DREAD NOT DIABETES
the occasion of World Diabetes Day, 14 November, we bring to you this special feature that will answer all queries that you may have about diabetes. Agada Diabetes Care, Chennai is the new centre which has thrown open its door bringing with it the most advanced care in diabetes treatment and management and the experience of its collaborator Joslin Diabetes Centre, Harvard Medical School, USA for the benefit of diabetics in India. We bring to you excerpts of an interview with Dr.Mohan Thanikachalam, Managing Director,Agada Diabetes Care.
Why Agada, given that Chennai already has other internationally renowned exclusive diabetes hospitals? Diabetes is increasing in epidemic proportions. Currently there are around 67 million people living with diabetes in India and an estimated
better quality of life free from worry about complications of diabetes, Exclusivity and USP of Agada - What is that extra something which other centres don’t offer, but Agada does, for people with diabetes? Agada offers many unique services and facilities for its patients. So far patients who have received care from Agada have enjoyed the exclusivity, personalised care, education of concepts that lead to better understanding and motivation. Unique concepts under Agada are tied to its mission of improving outcomes in people. So we have a system of monitoring patients through periodic phone calls. This process motivates them to follow the treatment plan and they feel secure that they are well cared for. We also have a web based portal where we connect with our patients and provide access for them to view their medical records anywhere, anytime. We believe in Elliot P.Joslin’s philosophy that patient education, empowerment and participation play an important role in his treatment process. A person who is well informed about his condition adheres more to his treatment. Worth mentioning is our strong team of highly qualified endocrinologists, certified diabetes educators, clinical psychologists, physiotherapists who work as a team in providing treatment support to the person with diabetes. Most of all we ensure that the person with diabetes is part of the team and not just a passive onlooker.
We have seen rapid westernization in the last two decades. There is mechanisation of even normal activities not to mention most occupations being sedentary. Man who is born to be mobile has literally become stationary most times of the day. Moreover dietary habits have moved from homemade wholesome foods to convenient fast foods. Increased intake of calories but reduced expenditure makes a person gain weight, which is the root cause of diabetes and heart disease. Lifestyle of today is also filled with increasing stress. Stress can cause changes in behaviour as well as physiological changes leading to increased risk of lifestyle diseases. Added to this environmental pollution, toxins etc. may aggravate a person’s inherent risk for diabetes as well.
Why is Type 1 diabetes on the increase? Type 1 diabetes is a condition in which a person runs out of the hormone – insulin completely. The organ –pancreas that makes this hormone stops producing or makes very less insulin. Incidence of type 1 is increasing significantly, but the exact reason is not clear. The proposed reasons are increased obesity leading to accelerated depletion of insulin, vitamin D deficiency, milk intolerance, gluten insensitivity and environmental pollutions.
30 million are undiagnosed. Under such conditions, healthcare facilities that offer comprehensive care that focus on prevention and management of diabetes should be encouraged, if possible as many as possible so that people have easier access to quality care. Agada Diabetes Care has been established in partnership with the world leader in diabetes prevention and management, the Joslin Diabetes Centre, Harvard Medical School, USA. Following Joslin’s footsteps, Agada also aims to achieve better outcomes in terms of reduced rates of complications in people with diabetes who receive treatment here. People can now lead a
Globally the incidence of diabetes is going up and is also afflicting younger age groups. Diabetologists blame it as a lifestyle disorder. Is that the only reason for this trend or do you feel other factors such as genetics, changes in the physiological development/ advancement of the human body, environment related factors such as pollution, instant and fast food, chemicals in food products etc. are the causes?
What are the latest advancements in the diagnosis, treatment and, management of diabetes? Recently HbA1c has been considered as a diagnostic criterion for diagnosing diabetes. Hba1C or most popularly known as A1C is a test that measures the average blood glucose level of past 2-3 months. Now A1C is also considered by clinicians during diagnosis. Continuous Glucose Monitoring System (CGMS) is used to measure the blood glucose over 24 hours in order to know the glycaemic variability. People with very erratic blood glucose levels that do not fall into any particular
pattern would benefit by this device. This device attached to the individual with diabetes would chart the glucose values through multiple pricks over a period of 24 hours thus giving the doctor more information that would help in designing a treatment specific to the individual. Recently few injections, not insulin, which causes both, weight loss and glucose control are in use. Insulin which acts for almost one and half to two days are to be launched soon, this will reduce the number of pricks for the patient. Few drugs are in pipeline for managing the diabetes. Insulin pump which is the latest form of intuitive insulin delivery devices is available. This is of great benefit for people whose blood glucose is very erratic.
say that it is clinically useful and has long lasting effects. Our objective is keep people healthy and living longer, so if a cure comes they would be ready.
What is the most frequently occurring complication of diabetes and why? Nerve damage is most frequent in diabetes. In such a case people are not aware if they get hurt, burnt or sometimes they can even have silent heart attacks.
Is it possible for a person with diabetes to live without complications? If so how? Land mark research studies conducted across the world have proven that people with diabetes can live a long healthy life without developing complications. Key to such success is early detection and access to proper care. A person with diabetes has to learn to live with it lifelong, since currently there is no cure. However, the good news is that the dreaded complications of diabetes can be prevented successfully through good control of blood glucose (sugars). Studies demonstrate that when a person keeps his HBA1C (a 3 month average blood glucose level test) within 7 % he can successfully reduce his risk for complications of eye, heart kidney etc by more than 50 %. Joslin Diabetes Centre, through its unique model of care has successfully proven better outcomes such as reduced complications of diabetes compared to other centres across the US. Agada brings Joslin Care model for the first time to India.
Why is insulin pump not popular in India? Any development regarding non invasive delivery of insulin or blood checking (CBG)? Pumps are very expensive. As it is, people with diabetes are expected to spend out of their pockets for their care. Insulin sprays are not in use due to the complications associated with it. Insulin capsules are under research
In some quarters there is a belief that no breakthrough will happen with regard to an alternative for insulin because of commercial reasons- the pharma giants have a lot to lose! When even cures have occurred for certain cancers, why is it that no alternative for insulin/ alternative method for insulin delivery not happening? As the disease is genetically programmed and influenced by various environmental factors, it is difficult to find a cure. Hundred years ago people died due to diabetes, Insulin was then discovered. Now due to advancement in medical technology people are able to lead longer and better lives. Stem cells and vaccines trials are in process, but it has to go a long way to
Your message to people on the occasion of World Diabetes Day At Agada we encourage people to take ownership of diabetes and accept the condition. This makes it possible and easier for them to learn to effectively manage the condition. Diabetes can be defeated through efficient control.
Health and Fitness
Yes we do. Do we? No we don’t. I do but we don’t. Do what? Nothing! But I said I do and we don’t. Got the point? No? Then let’s go catch it together. That was enough to trigger my brain and set it rolling. I was just warming up to get to the point. What I actually meant was that there is something lacking in our approach to fitness. All of us have our own beliefs and practices and our own fitness regime but it need not necessarily be apt for others….not even your own children. We all make the same mistake over and over again, asking our kids to do what we have been doing ages ago. Get up in the morning and run. The more ‘elite’ even send them to the gym at a tender age when they actually should be running hither and thither joyfully. There has been a sea change in our life style and outlook. Let us also learn to move with the wave or else we will get caught in a whirlpool of emotions that will eventually pull us down into deep depression. If you can’t beat them join them, nothing wrong as long as you maintain your individuality and self esteem. Kids too have loads of self esteem right from the time they are born! Try sliding the pacifier out of the baby’s mouth while you smile at him and distract him with your coochy cooing and try pulling it away roughly when you are surrounded by guests. The reaction is triggered by YOU; the child is not to be blamed.The worst thing to do is criticize before others or talk like a saint…..I can only take the horse to the stream…etc etc….. First get the horse thirsty! A tiny example – A father is trying to correct the 8 year old son’s posture while sitting and watching TV. In a firm tone he says, “Sit up straight, stop slouching” The child’s reaction is typical as he screws up his face and wriggles up a bit only to slide back into a slouch the minute the father leaves the scene. Correction – Father
hat to write …..Hmmmmm……. on fitness…..don’t we know quite a lot!
“We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.” Nehru
smiles at the child and says, “Enjoy your holiday son, will be back by 7pm, help mama with her chores till then. (Hugging him) Remember if you want to grow tall, smart and strong you have to sit up tall. Every time you sit tall you grow upward, otherwise you grow sideways…..ha ha,” they laugh together and the father leaves. The child checks his posture and sits up tall wondering if he is growing right away. Remember he is a child. Affirmations and statements do not work with children. Respect their innocence and enjoy along with them. Obesity has become an epidemic with kids thanks to the lifestyle that we have dropped them into. An active routine is all that is needed and who else can channel it out for them but you as elders. Remember to start as early as possible, before they crawl out of the cradle and tell you what is right. Chalk out a routine which becomes second nature to them. They can be moulded very easily. A 24 hour schedule should include a balanced meal and a good night’s sleep too which is the key to health and immunity. Most families have
taken to short cuts in cooking like pre cooked foods that just needs to be heated or they just dial for food. Time is not meant for money making alone. Prioritize your needs the healthy way or else you will be earning only to pay your hospital bills. There was a time when we used to look forward to evenings after school to play. Fighting with schoolmates; falling and getting hurt; complaining and then getting together; were all part of the game of growing up. We find parents interfering even into this little personal space of the kids today. Now it has become tuitions, music class, tennis or cricket coaching, etc…etc…. They need some ‘me time’ too, just as we elders have started demanding for ‘our own space’. Too much of structured upbringing leaves the child unfit to handle life’s ups and downs. They need that time to figure out on their own what it is like to break rules, to help friends, to feel emotions and handle them. This is ‘functional fitness ‘which will help them all through their lives. When there are too many rules to be followed breaking them becomes the only relaxation. This is the reason why they turn a deaf ear to your advice. It just becomes too much for them to handle. You must be wondering what kind of an article this is on fitness with no exercises taught. Fitness components include mainly a cardio workout, strength training, flexibility and nutrition. Nutrition is something that you need to give to the child in the form of colourful and attractive food that is appealing to the eye. The aroma of your cooking should make the child drool towards the table. Fresh food is what should be on your mind and on the table, not in the fridge. Take the child with you while you go shopping for vegetables and make him pick the fresh ones. Let him carry a few bags and that will surely increase his strength
and stamina. Make them do errands for you.…..Cardio work out done. A good posture is the best core work out. Children are naturally flexible if left to be kiddish. Watch them sit on the floor with legs turned out to the side, they can hold their toes and roll on their back effortlessly. These are workouts for elders but child’s play to them if you just let them be. Hope I have made my point clear. Change your approach and watch your child grow healthy, wealthy and strong. Need I say this to you all…. the clichéd saying….. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. Enjoy a healthy approach to life along with your child. Cheers!
Fitness Consultant - Certified by The American Council on Exercise (ACE), Reebok, Integral Yoga Institute (IYI), Pilates Institute of America (PIA).
ou have decided to look your best. You have also decided to enhance your looks by choosing appropriate cosmetics and going for a make over in your looks, lifestyle and attitude. Now let us look at how to enhance the beauty of our face. We can begin with the eyes first.
You start by examining your face in the mirror. Focus on your eyes. Are they beautiful, expressive and full of life and happiness? Are they clear and bright? Or do they look dull and lifeless? Here are a few tips to make your eyes look radiant and eye-catching.
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JUS’ ASK BRINDA
Eve’s Times is happy to announce that Family Therapist and Parent-Teacher educator Brinda Jayaraman will answer any query you want to ask relating to family and interpersonal interactions. Send in your questions to email@example.com or to our office directly.
I am in my early fifties, and recently divorced. Ours was a love marriage and we were “happily” married for twenty two long years. We have two kids. My wife is a clinical psychologist and I have always given her the space and freedom she needed. Everything was fine until recently. We were staying at Singapore and since my wife wanted to settle in Chennai, we moved back to India.
At around this time, my mom fell ill but my wife never took any pains to visit her. I too did not force her since I have never imposed my will on anyone, let alone my wife. With a busy schedule, travel and commuting back and forth to visit my mom at Bangalore, overseas travel on business tours, all this took a toll on me yet, I never took it out on my family. I had always looked up to my wife and it was a shock to me when one fine day, she told me that she was filing for a divorce since she felt we were,” two right people wrong for each other.” Shortly after that I knew that she was going steady with another person. As can be imagined, both of us went through a very messy and mentally shattering divorce, more so for me since I do not have anyone to fall back on. Mam, I think I have tortured myself
enough trying to find out what went wrong between us. Was I at fault? I have never cheated on her and have always given her support, love and encouragement. Now, during the twilight of my life, I am left with no family. Will I ever feel whole again? Will I be able to find happiness? Now all that I do is busy myself in work. Otherwise, I think I will lose my mental sanity. Please help me. Your agony and anger about being treated unfairly are reflected in your letter. From your side, it has been a happy marriage of twenty two years. May be she didn’t feel it that way? If it was so, she failed to convey it to you. How were you, then, supposed to guess it? Or she gave you signals which were not clear enough for you to pick up. I am highlighting these facts only to remove the guilt in you. Please be assured that even if you are to be blamed, you hadn’t done anything to sabotage the marriage intentionally. She may have her justifications for this decision, although it is hard for you to gulp the reality! In any marriage, two basic emotional needs are to be fulfilled- the need to belong to each other or to feel connected with each other and the need to feel “I am the most significant person in my partner’s life“or to feel counted. If these two
needs are not met, there is a high risk for an extra marital affair. For you, probably, these needs were met in the wedlock. What about her needs? Did she feel that your mother was more significant to you than she was? I sense that she did not have a good relationship with your mother; hence this question. Did she ever feel that you were not connected with her? Well, the past has become history and it cannot be reversed. The earlier you accept the bitter truth that your ex-wife has no place in your future life, the better for you. Please stop torturing yourself by investigating the past, as it is not going to lead you anywhere. I assume that your children are not with you. They are the only link with life for you now. Please try and reconnect with them. She owes it to you and has no right to deny your access to them. If your children are affectionate with you, you will find solace in living for them. Give yourself sometime to heal the hurt. Please remember that you have a life ahead. The flip side of the situation is that you have the freedom to chose the life you would like to lead-may be to remain single or choose another life partner or to have an intellectual companion or spend your time in any way you would love to. Brooding and self pity are to be avoided.
Salt ‘n’ Pepper korner
While deep frying the bondas and bhajis, they tend to soak a lot of oil. How do I avoid it from soaking the oil? Anjali Jaiswal It depends on what dish you make. If you add a little corn flour, or roasted gram flour to the batter, oil will not get absorbed much. For samosas also, add corn flour along with Maida. For masala vadais, along with Bengal gram flour, add split peas and peas dhal; these too do not absorb much oil. If the fat content in the flour is more, then too the dish will not come out well. The secret lies in striking a balance. inside the bottle and shake thoroughly, enough to ensure that it is spread well .Then fill the bottle. The next day, heat a little oil and pour on top of the pickle. Keep mixing and stirring this freshly made pickle every day for a minimum of ten days. This is especially advisable when you make pickles in large quantities. For external preservatives, use sodium benzoate or KMS (potassium Meta bisulphate). For every one kg of pickle, use 3 gms this of preservative. Allow the pickle to cool down before adding. While adding the preservative to the bottled pickle, mix it in a little hot water and dissolve well.
The name “Mallika Badrinath” is familiar to most homemakers in South India. Till 1988 , she too was a homemaker ; now she is an internationally acknowledged culinary expert, with an eager audience latching on to every word she has to say about food and cooking in her television shows. Her books are sold like hot cakes across the world. She is a symbol of women achievers of India. Hers is a success story that has been an inspiration to many women.
Every time I make pickle, it collects fungus in the next two weeks. What kind of preservatives should I add to get rid of the fungal attack? Sakina Gheewala Before setting out to make pickles, ensure that there is no moisture in the vessels used for making pickle. As natural preservatives, you can use fenugreek powder and mustard powder. Both act as natural preservatives. Roast and add after pickles are made, but make sure that you do not over roast the ingredients. The ratio is for every one kg of pickle, use one to one and a half tablespoons of this powder. When you are bottling, put a little oil
Adding a pinch of sugar while cooking green peas helps in retaining its green color. Is this true or just a myth? Poonam, Kolkata It is true. Adding a little sugar helps. For other vegetables, for instance cabbage, add ginger. After cooking, remove the ginger; add salt to the remaining water and drink. This is extremely soothing for the throat. For spinach too, add a pinch of sugar to retain color. While cooking spinach, add salt only after the leaves are cooked. If you add salt in the beginning, the volume of spinach left after cooking is drastically reduced.
Make your kitchen experience exciting using Mallika Badrinath’s wise counsel. Mallika has recipes for everyone; even bachelors and children can turn out a delectable meal using her guidance. So go ahead with your kitchen queries and prepare healthy, tasty meals with the help of the Cuisine Queen of South India.
n Smile Easy R ecipes
Ingredients for the Dough
Maida Ghee Salt to taste Warm milk to knead the dough Method Roast the powdered dry coconut on slow fire. Roast the Maida in ghee Roast the poppy seeds. Roast all of them separately, mix all the ingredients and grind them. Mix all the dough ingredients and prepare the dough- neither too soft nor too hard. Make small oval shaped puris from the dough. Fill the puris with the roasted and ground ingredients. Apply a little milk to seal the puris with filling inside. Deep fry till it becomes a rich brown in color. Serve hot. This can be stored for weeks. 1 cup 1 tsp
Ingredients for the Filling
Grated coconut Powdered sugar Nutmeg powder Dry ginger powder Cardamom Maida Poppy seeds Mixed dry fruit pieces 1 cup 1 cup a pinch a pinch 4 2 tsp 2 tsp. 2 tbsp.
How safe are Indian Women Students in the Campus?
21-year-old student of National Law School of India University was allegedly gang-raped inside the campus of Bangalore University The incident took place in the night while she was out with her friend. The duo reached the place in a car and when they were walking in the forested area of the campus, a group of 6-8 drunk men attacked them and demanded money from her friend, who told them that he had kept his wallet in his car. After sending him to bring the wallet along with one of its members, the gang sexually assaulted her. Such cases are reported very often by the media. How alert are the police? How secure are you? The victim can be anyone but is the government really working for the safety of its people?
Pragati Gupta,Varanasi The police on the case said that for about 20 days, the forested area has been closed for vehicles at night. So the duo might have sneaked in. But they still should have security guard posted to check such mal practices. The victim was innocent and still fell prey to drunken men. This is a common issue people face. Even when you are walking on the road on a late evening you will encounter drunken men staring at you and even following you. Shaan Kriplani, Pune In spite of repeated incidents that are reported, a girl should be careful. Why did she go in a vehicle and in a forest area, where entry is restricted? It was her mistake. How can the friend leave the girl alone with the men? There are rogues outside in the night, why do you want to be a victim? Students and hostels should take strict actions against those who break rules and have a strict curfew time for entering hostel. Namrata Kota, Bangalore The crime simply cannot be condoned and the perpetrators, when captured should be punished most severely. However, having said that, I am concerned at the lack of vigil shown by the unfortunate victim, venturing at that late hour, into a very dangerous forest like area. I am from Bangalore and know how exactly the area is, it is a thick forest and even strong men would think twice, before venturing into such an environment. Shristi Vatsa, Mumbai Girls should be careful, should take care of themselves. She should have avoided going out like that. It could have happened in any country or anywhere. Don’t expect bad people won’t be there or anywhere, going to a forest, where the entry is restricted, during night time. The boy should be blamed and should also be punished taking her to an unsafe place. Dhruven Patel,Vadodara The police mean that just because the duo entered a forested area (restricted or not) and the girl got raped, so it is somehow her fault. And they mean to say that people after committing a crime are going to stay in the vicinity? Wow. The police should do their job and nab these people, instead of doing what they do in all cases, victimizing the victims and raising issues about their character.
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While work got done, it was also a time to go down memory lane to my childhood, when the world was truly a wondrous place, especially when it came to Kings and Queens, Lords and Noble Ladies, great Men and Women! It is only when you see things through the eyes of a child, that you realise how cynical and jaded you can become over the years especially if you don’t watch yourself. Two little girls were part of this trip as adults combined with them to see Delhi and Agra with new eyes. And the experience was at its revealing best. For starters, one always took the Capital for granted. For those in Chennai, Delhi is a big, bad city with danger and stalkers on an overdrive. But once there, you realise it is such a beautiful city, corruption and so many negatives notwithstanding. Delhi is what it truly is- a city of memories and history. History that has shaped India to what it is now. Right from the Mughals to our current day leaders (even if you don’t think much of them), the city boasts of many great things. One visit to the Qutub Minar immediately brings back nostalgia about what we have learnt about the way architects worked those days and made monuments that till today inspire awe and wonder. And that was reinforced by the two little girls, who looked at it with such wide eyed wonder and amazement. Yes, I am sure that is when the child in us would have also blossomed again and brought back golden memories of childhood days, when this monument must have been part of the family’s agenda on a visit to Delhi. So did the Rajghat. Where Gandhiji rests after giving India a reason to believe in non violence and in the essential goodness of mankind. He was killed no doubt, but he believed that any human being does not begin as a bad or evil person. And if practising universal brotherhood had been
innocuous bit of work took me to Delhi last week.
done in the spirit with which he lived, maybe a Rajghat would not have been needed. Or for that matter the Indira Gandhi Memorial at No 1 Safdarjung. The museum is beautifully kept with some really gut renching pictures of the Iron Lady in moments of happiness, fulfilment and anguish. Again looking at it all from the eyes of children, the violence with which she died seems so unnecessary. The egg or the chicken situation is quite besides the point at this juncture. What to say of the beauteous Taj Mahal? The tendency is to take this stunning piece of work for granted. As adults with life’s experiences coming in the way of looking at it with wonder, it takes a little child to reinforce the sense of marvel in us when looked at from close quarters. The Taj Mahal, as the kids kept saying, is one of the Wonders of The World. And it was a relearning experience to understand the significance of the Agra Fort. The child in us enjoyed colourful past of the Mughal rule, thanks to the vibrant recitations of passages from the history books of these children. If I am narrating all this, I’m doing so to show how many of us lose touch with the child in us. The child who sees the world without being tired about it. To be able to see and understand what makes for a distinctive world. Sometimes it pays to revisit old haunts
to go through that excitement, the simple joys and the beauty of so many things around us. We would all love to be a child again. Just so, happiness of the purest kind can again be a part of us. So, this Children’s’ Day, let it be not just for our children but also for the young wonder struck kid in all of us.
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