You are on page 1of 9

Annoying things women do

1. Indecision
Yes ladies, we love how good you look when you’re all made up and working it for all it’s worth (plus that little bit extra). What we don’t love is the 3+ hours it takes for you to try on 15 outfits that all look pretty much the same to us. And this indecisiveness doesn’t stop at just clothing. Once we do suffer through the ordeal that is “getting ready”, we then have to starve in silence while you read every word of the menu in triplicate, an injustice that wouldn’t be nearly so galling if you weren’t going to order the same thing you always do.
• • o o o

3 of 9 Previous Next

B) The chances of you telling us what is wrong are zero. When you bring out this old gem (and we know you keep it in the back pocket of all 12 pairs of your jeans) here is exactly what you’re telling us: A) Something is definitely wrong. C) We are now in immeasurably more trouble for not instinctively knowing what was wrong in the first place.2. • • o o o 4 of 9 Previous Next . “Nothing is wrong” No sentence in the history of mankind has ever conveyed so much meaning without actually communicating any useful information.

one of those reasons disappears. we love that you’re not cold. At about the age of 12. so don’t hold it against us that we’re confused when you bust out a fresh Kleenex box every time you’re happy/upset/nostalgic/out of ice-cream or it's it’s cold outside.3. emotionless automatons like our mates. guys have two reasons to cry: we’ve hurt ourselves or we’re incredibly sad. Crying Yet another weapon in the female arsenal that sits at the top of the deck for easy access. At birth. baffling. . frankly. Don’t misunderstand us. But the myriad reasons that set off your waterworks are.

That’s about right. After polling several women on this subject. guys have endured way worse in pursuit of landing a girl we think is out of our league. Pillows on the bed Ask any guy how many pillows are necessary on a bed and his answer will invariably range between two and four. 5. . lumbarsupporting model to pile every inch of it with fluffy pillows. Men falsely assume that their bed is for sleeping. isn’t it? Wrong. when in fact you actually pay all that money for the chiropractic-designed. but it’s hardly the first time a woman taken up more space than she needs.4. I’m yet to get a straight answer as to what purpose they serve. but at least we’re honest about the importance we place on looks.” Really? Is that why you’re dating that humourless (albeit ruggedly handsome) jerk with the convertible? Let’s be clear. “The sexiest thing about a guy is his sense of humour.

for reasons that should be abundantly clear. . if this forbidden question is uttered. ageing. the discrepancy between the sexes is astronomical. I would be talking. It’s true. just because you can happily natter for hours on end with your girlfriends doesn’t mean our comparatively stoic silence is a sign of emotional distance. Louann Brizendine. not thinking”. gentlemen. But when it comes to sharing intimate details about your love life with friends. men don’t go into much detail on their sex lives. sexual promiscuity. Equally. Talking too much Back in 2006. Let me preface this by acknowledging that there are plenty of double standards out there in which women get the short end of the stick: the glass ceiling. your response should never be “If I wanted you to know. In any case. mostly because they don’t want their . the founder and director of the University of California’s Women’s Mood and Hormone Clinic.6. And under no circumstance should the phrase “What are you thinking?” pass your lips. which claimed that women speak nearly three times as much as men (20. ladies.000 words a day compared with men’s 7000). The study was widely discredited a year later. but it does call to mind that somewhat less contentious claim that married men live longer than single men (or does it just seem longer?). 7. . And speaking of those friends of yours . and weight gain to name a few. published her book The Female Brain.

Or – even better – don’t outline the problem and let us watch the football in peace. when you’re not happy So she stood in front of the television while the football was on. Annoying female habit 1: Making an anniversary out of everything What is it with women turning the nice little things in life into a grand gift-exchanging. We have a hard enough time getting event dates right without being shouted at for not buying the dog a card to celebrate the anniversary of his first vaccination. But just once. Please refrain from doing this. Then she says it – that passive-aggressive statement that marks the start of the dreaded silent treatment: “I’m fine”. and now you’re laying face down on the bed crying. Asking what we’re thinking is basically a nice way of saying ‘you aren’t allowed to have private thoughts. . Have you done something wrong? Is it your birthday? My birthday? Oh silly me. which leads us to stutter and then be accused of thinking of our ex. Annoying female habit 3: Asking us what we’re thinking It’s a classic example of how women like to test us. the next they’re hurling that question at us when we’re least expecting it. If you’re unhappy just outline the problem and then we can sort it out and carry on as normal. are you really fine because you’ve just screamed at us until you’ve gone red in the face. and possibly trick us into making the cardinal sin of admitting that we weren’t thinking about her at that particular moment.pervert mates thinking about their partner in that way for too long. What’s more. We don’t adorn the bed with DIY tools and model cars. Erm. Annoying female habit 4: Saying ‘I’m fine’. quite frankly. so please tame your OCD (Obsessive Cushion Disorder) and stop making an elaborate display out of our bed so we can get down to the important stuff. we got a bit iffy and snapped. it’d be nice to meet one of your friends without the thought in the back of our minds that this woman knows every intimate detail of our sex life. champagne-popping ceremony? We return home from a normal day at work to be met with a candle-lit dinner and an expensive looking gift but. ladies. One minute we’re enjoying a cuddle. We don’t need the tiny heart-shaped one or the big fluffy one that makes us sneeze – just a normal pillow to rest our head on will suffice. only to find the bed piled sky-high with strategically placed cushions that leave no room for us. only a couple of these cushions actually have a purpose. Annoying female habit 2: Piling the bed with cushions One would be mistaken for thinking that a bed is for sleeping in. They say it so fast that we don’t have chance to make up a false reply or even to think straight. it makes our heart stop. We go to get our head down for the night. unless they’re about me’. and now all sorts of issues have been bought up. it’s the anniversary of the first time we looked at each other.

Annoying female habit 7: Incessant talking We’ve heard that women are estimated to say around 20. When some women talk to their husbands. Those that are not quick to it can translate their message into 5. was that the cat’s owner now works at the grocery store down the road. the actual part of the story she was getting at whilst rambling on about the neighbour’s cat. My sister has inherited that trait.999. Where do all these tears come from? We think women should just have an annual crying day where they get together and cry for twenty four hours. Annoying female habit 6: Being over-emotional You cry at funerals. they take a while. Your describing my mom. she just won’t shut up about how cute the neighbour’s cat looks when it sits next to the rose bush. you cry at happy films. just get to the point. This is why husbands eyes glaze over. please don’t let it be sex.000. when my sis starts circling Ill say land the plane Emogene! . we’re not having sex’ scenario.999. you cry at sad films. If you’re going to stop us from doing one thing. To make it even more annoying. if you’re going to talk.000 lines of text with the most important part being at line 4. so please don’t mess with our basic human needs either. but why is it always at the most inappropriate times? She was quiet all the way through the family dinner when we needed her to break the awkward silence. but as soon as we start getting to the competitive part of a multi-player game with our friends.999. 000 words a day – which is an awful lot compared to the paltry 7. pick the right moment and please. It would solve a lot of our problems. I call it circling the airport. Ladies. before coming home and being normal for the other 364 days of the year.000. Some others are quick to the point.Annoying female habit 5: Using sex as a weapon One of the most annoying things that a woman can do is deny her man of sexual privileges. and they need to tell them something important. you cry at weddings. Now that mom is gone we have a standing joke. Some women seem to take great pleasure in using our weakness to their own advantage through the classic ‘if you don’t do this. This makes us feel awkward because we just don’t know what to say or do when you’re sat sobbing all over our freshly ironed shirt. We don’t stop you from eating and drinking. 000 estimated for men – so we understand that she needs to get her daily nattering fix.

.

s .