The 129 Best Things Anyone Ever Said

Apostolos Karanikolos

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No one thing is true. It’s all true. Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961) American author, 1954 Nobel Prize in literature

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Table of Contents
Introduction, 4 Wit, 5 Wisdom, 20 Humor, 37 Index, 53 Bushido Code, 57

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Introduction
Thank you for your interest in this book. It really contains the 129 best things anyone ever said in the subjects of “Wit-Wisdom-Humor”. This free book is a part of the bigger book with the 529 best things anyone ever said. For a small cost the bigger book is available at http://en.Mr-Wit.eu

In the end of the book you’ll find the author’s index and the Bushido code.

Apostolos Karanikolos January 26, 2009

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Chapter1 - Wit
>> Wit: the ability to use words and ideas in a clever, amusing and imaginative way.

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-1There will be a time when you’ll believe that everything is finished. That will be the beginning. Louis l’Amour (1908-1988) American writer

-2In every phenomenon the beginning remains always the most notable moment. Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881) Scottish writer

-3I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free. Michelangelo (1475-1564) Italian sculptor

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-4We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another. Luciano de Crescenzo (1928- ) Italian writer

-5Absence diminishes mediocre loves and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires. Francois de la Rochefoucauld (1613-1680) French writer

-6Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night without moon and without stars. Confucius (551-479 bC) Chinese philosopher

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-7The truth is a living thing. This living thing is what you actually are. Jiddu Krishnamurti (1895-1986) Indian philosopher

-8The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. Niels Bohr (1885-1962) Danish physicist, 1922 Nobel Prize in physics

-9A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it. Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936) English writer

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-10People say, “I want peace”. If you remove I {ego}, and your want {desire}, you are left with peace. Sathya Sai Baba (1927- ) Indian religious leader

-11If you really want to understand something, try to change it. Kurt Lewin (1890-1947) German psychologist

-12You can pretend to be serious but you can’t pretend to be funny. Sacha Guitry (1885-1957) French actor

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-13One never goes so far as when one doesn’t know where one is going. Johan Wolfgang Goethe (1749-1832) German dramatist

-14Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is most important that you do it. Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948) Indian leader

-15Laughter is the closest distance between two people. Victor Borge (1909-2000) Danish pianist

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-16I have always thought that every woman should marry, and no man. Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881) British politician

-17You do not inherit the earth of your ancestors, you borrow it from your children. Antoine de Saint Exupery (1900-1944) French novelist

-18Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist. Michael Levine (1954- ) American writer

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-19He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish playwright, 1925 Nobel Prize in literature

-20Each person is guilty for all the good he didn't do. Voltaire (1694-1778) French writer

-21A diamond with a flaw is worth more than a pebble without imperfections. Chinese proverb

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-22If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a closed room with a mosquito. 14th Dalai Lama (1935- ) head of state of Tibet, 1989 Nobel peace Prize

-23Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought. Henri L. Bergson (1859-1941) French philosopher, 1927 Nobel Prize in literature

-24Lead me, follow me or get out of my way. George S. Patton (1885-1945) American general

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-25Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) American poet

-26Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him. Aldous Huxley (1894-1963) British writer

-27The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt. Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) British philosopher, 1950 Nobel Prize in literature

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-28We don’t stop playing because we get old; we get old because we stop playing. Nana (age 103)

-29It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. Seneca the elder (54 bC-39) Roman orator

-30Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) American diplomat

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-31Keep a green tree in your heart, and perhaps a songbird will come. Chinese proverb

-32Truthful words are not beautiful, beautiful words are not truthful. Good words are not convincing, convincing words are not good. Lao-Tzu (570-490 bC) Chinese philosopher, founder of Taoism

-33More than polite is rude. Japanese proverb

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-34Don’t let one cloud obliterate the whole sky. Anais Nin (1903-1977) French writer

-35The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend. Henri L. Bergson (1859-1941) French philosopher, 1927 Nobel Prize in literature

-36Beauty is the wisdom of women. Wisdom is the beauty of men. Chinese proverb

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-37The center of every man's existence is a dream. G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936) English writer

-38When you reach the top, keep climbing. Zen proverb

-39When you are born, you cry and the world is happy. When you die, you are happy and the world is crying. Tibetan proverb

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-40The sharpest sword is a word spoken in wrath. Gautama Buddha (568-488 bC) founder of Buddhism

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Chapter2- Wisdom
>> Wisdom: the ability, developed through experience, insight and reflection, to discern truth and exercise good judgment.

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-41The beginning of wisdom is the awareness of our ignorance. Cleobulus (circa 560 bC) one of the 7 sages of Greece

-42There are no big things. Only small things with big love. Mother Teresa (1910-1997) Albanian nun, 1979 Nobel peace Prize

-43Believe and act like it is impossible to fail. Charles Kettering (1876-1958) American inventor

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-44It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood. Karl Popper (1902-1994) Austrian philosopher

-45The greatest truths cannot be put in words. Lao-Tzu (570-490 bC) Chinese philosopherfounder of Taoism

-46All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed, second it is violently opposed, and third, it is accepted as selfevident. Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860) German philosopher

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-47No one thing is true. It’s all true. Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961) American author, 1954 Nobel Prize in literature

-48Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped. African proverb

-49For the things we have to learn before we can do them, we learn by doing them. Aristotle (384-322 bC) Greek philosopher

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-50If you want to be happy, be. Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910) Russian writer

-51The greatest gain is to give to others; the greatest loss is to greedily receive without gratitude. Gautama Buddha (568-488 bC) founder of Buddhism

-52The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. Ann Landers (1918-2002) American advice columnist

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-53Man is born to live and not to prepare to live. Boris Pasternak (1890-1960) Russian poet

-54A single conversation with a wise man is better than ten years of study. Chinese proverb

-55We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have done. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882) American poet

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-56Man is not the sum of what he has already, but rather the sum of what he does not yet have, of what he could have. Jean Paul Sartre (1905-1980) French philosopher

-57The limits of my language are the limits of my mind. All I know is what I have words for. Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951) Austrian philosopher

-58Those who have knowledge, don’t predict. Those who predict don’t have knowledge. Lao Tzu (570-490 bC) Chinese philosopher, founder of Taoism

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-59Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. Aldous Huxley (1894-1963) British writer

-60There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king among his. Helen Keller (1880-1968) American deaf-blind educator

-61The world is the totality of facts, not of things. Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951) Austrian philosopher

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-62If you do the small jobs well, the big ones tend to take care of themselves. Dale Carnegie (1888-1955) American businessman

-63Bring your desires down to your present means. Increase them only when your increased means permit. Aristotle (384-322 bC) Greek philosopher

-64In protecting oneself, others are protected. In protecting others, oneself is protected. Gautama Buddha (568-488 bC) founder of Buddhism

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-65We do not smile because something good has happened; rather something good happens because we smile. Japanese proverb

-66They can because they think they can. Virgil (70-19 bC) Roman poet

-67The rainbow would be even more beautiful if the show was not for free. Netherlands Antilles proverb

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-68To be deeply loved gives you strength, to love deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu (570-490 bC) Chinese philosopher, founder of Taoism

-69Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality that guarantees the others. Aristotle (384-322 bC) Greek philosopher

-70First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak. Epictetus (55-135) Greek philosopher

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-71Raise your sail one foot and you get ten feet of wind. Chinese proverb

-72No one could make a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little. Edmund Burke (1729-1797) Irish politician

-73In all things success depends on previous preparation, and without such previous preparation there is sure to be failure. Confucius (551-479 bC) Chinese philosopher

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-74An advice is as good as the person that gives it. Francisco Goya (1746-1828) Spanish painter

-75We need to be the change we wish to see in the world. Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948) Indian political leader

-76Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961) Swiss psychiatrist

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-77When the pupil is ready to learn, a teacher will appear. Zen proverb

-78You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. Plato (427-347 bC) Greek philosopher

-79Except our own thoughts, there is nothing absolutely in our power. Rene Descartes (1596-1650) French philosopher

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-80There is strong shadow where there is much light. Johann Wolfgang Goethe (1749-1832) German dramatist

-81Nothing is so firmly believed as what is least known. Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) French writer

-82At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want. Lao Tzu (570-490 bC) Chinese philosopher, founder of Taoism

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-83We promise according to our hopes and perform according to our fears. Francois de la Rochefoucauld (1613-1680) French author

-84Fear cannot be without hope nor hope without fear. Baruch Spinoza (1632-1677) Dutch philosopher

-85There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. Gautama Buddha (568-488 bC) founder of Buddhism

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-86Practice yourself, for heaven's sake, in little things; and thence proceed to greater. Epictetus (55-135) Greek philosopher

-87We should give as we would receive, cheerfully, quickly, and without hesitation. Seneca the elder (54 bC – 39) Roman orator

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Chapter3- Humor
>> Humor: the ability or quality of people, objects or situations to evoke emotions or entertainment to other people.

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-88In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. Douglas Adams (1952-2001) English writer

-89Only those who attempt the absurd...will achieve the impossible. I think...I think it's in my basement...Let me go upstairs and check. Maurits Escher (1898-1972) Dutch artist

-90Your work is good and original. But the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good. Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) English writer

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-91If everything is under control, you are going too slowly. Mario Andretti (1940- ) American racecar driver

-92Don’t gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it doesn’t go up, don’t buy it. Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist

-93If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn’t plan it properly. Nick Lappos Chief R&D pilot

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-94If money doesn’t make you happy give it back. Jules Renard (1864-1910) French writer

-95There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise. Gore Vidal (1925- ) American novelist

-96President’s Nixon motto was: “if two wrongs don’t make a right, try three”. Norman Cousins (1915-1990) American political journalist

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-97It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. George S. Patton (1885-1945) American General

-98Show me a sane man and I will cure him. Carl Jung (1875-1961) Swiss psychiatrist

-99I hate advice unless I'm giving it. Jack Nicholson (1937- ) American actor

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-100I never lend books, because nobody ever returns them. The only books I have in my library are the ones other people lent me. Anatole France (1844-1924) French writer

-101One day I went to the dentist. He said “Say Aaah”. I said “Why?” He said “My dog’s died”. Tim Vine (1967- ) British comedian

-102My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too. Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) American actor

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-103Of course there’s a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don’t take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates. Abbott Lawrence Lowell (1856-1943) American educator

-104Basically my first wife was very immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats. Woody Allen (1935- ) American film director

-105I drink no more than a sponge. Francois Rabelais (1492-1553) French writer

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-106I am not sincere, not even when I say I am not. Jules Renard (1864-1910) French writer

-107I have enough money for the rest of my life, unless I buy something. Jackie Mason (1931- ) American comedian

-108I have nothing, owe a great deal, and the rest I leave to the poor. Francois Rabelais (1492-1553) French writer

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-109I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over again. Joan Rivers (1933- ) American comedian

-110Room service? Send up a larger room. Groucho Marx (1895-1977) American comedian

-111When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. Woody Allen (1935- ) American film director

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-112Look alive. Here comes a buzzard. Walt Kelly (1913-1977) American cartoonist

-113It was wonderful to work for Wolfgang Pauli. You could ask him anything. You didn’t have to wonder if your question was stupid, since he believed that all questions were stupid. Victor Frederick Weisskopf (1908- ) American biologist

-114My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can’t figure it out. What am I doing right? Charles Schulz (1922-2000) American cartoonist

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-115I was x years old in the year x^2. Augustus De Morgan (1806-1871) British mathematician, when asked for his age

-116I was so ugly when I was born; the doctor slapped my mother. Henny Youngman (1906-1998) American comedian

-117Are you going to come along quietly, or am I going to have to use ear plugs? Terence Alan Milligan (1918-2002) Irish comedian

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-118Fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, and scratch where it itches. The Duchess of Windsor when asked what is the secret of a long and happy life

-119The Mexicans gave the Spaniards malaria, and the Spaniards gave the Mexicans smallpox, whooping cough, diphtheria, and syphilis. The Spaniards believed it was better to give than to receive. Will Cuppy (1884-1949) American humorist

-120A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Emo Philips (1956- ) American entertainer

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-121It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it. Sam Levenson (1911-1980) American humorist

-122My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health". So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. Jackie Mason (1931- ) American comedian

-123Andrew Lloyd Weber gave to music what Bombarder Harris gave to gardening. Miles Kingston (1941- ) British music critic

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-124Women and Cats will do as they please. Men and dogs had better get used to it. Robert Heinlein (1907-1988) American science fiction writer

-125When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety. Steven Wright (1955- ) American comedian

-126I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house and she said: “Get the hell out of my property”. Joan Rivers (1933- ) American comedienne

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-127I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down to us. Pigs treat us as equals. Winston Churchill (1874-1965) British statesman, 1953 Nobel Prize in literature

-128I do not object when people look at their watches when I speak, but I have serious objections when they shake them to make sure they are working. Lord Birkett (1883-1962) British judge

-129Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven. W.C. Fields (1880-1946) American comedian

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What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from. T. S. Eliot (1888-1965) English poet, 1948 Nobel Prize in literature

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Index
A Adams, Douglas, 88 Allen, Woody, 104-111 Andretti, Mario, 91 Aristotle, 50-64-70 B Baba, Sathya Sai, 10 Bergson, Henri L., 23-35 Birkett, Lord, 128 Bohr, Niels, 8 Borge, Victor, 15 Buddha, Gautama, 40-51-64-85 Burke, Edmund, 72 C Carnegie, Dale, 62 Carlyle, Thomas, 2 Chesterton, G. K., 9-37 Churchill, Winston, 127 Cleobulus, 41 Confucius, 6-73 Cousins, Norman, 97 Cuppy, Will, 119 D Dalai Lama, 22 Dangerfield, Rodney, 102 Descartes, Rene, 79 Disraeli, Benjamin, 16 Duchess, of Windsor, 118 E Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 25 Epictetus, 70-86 -53-

Escher, Maurits, 89 F Fields, W. C., 129 France, Anatole, 100 Franklin, Benjamin, 30 G Gandhi, Mahatma, 14-75 Goethe, Johan Wolfgang, 13-80 Goya, Francisco, 74 Guitry, Sacha, 12 H Heinlein, Robert, 124 Hemingway, Ernest, 47 Huxley, Aldous, 26-59 J Johnson, Samuel, 90 Jung, Carl Gustav, 76-98 K Keller, Helen, 60 Kelly, Walt, 112 Kettering, Charles, 43 Kingston, Miles, 123 Krishnamurti, Jiddu, 7 L L’Amour, Louis, 1 Landers, Ann, 52 Lao Tzu, 32-45-58-68-82 Lappos, Nick, 93 Levenson, Sam, 121 Levine, Michael, 18 Lewin, Kurt, 11 -54-

Longfellow, Henry Wadsworth, 55 Lowell, Abbott Lawrence, 103 M Marx, Groucho, 110 Mason, Jackie, 107-11 Michelangelo, 3 Milligan, Terence Allan, 117 Montaigne, Michel de, 81 Morgan, Augustus de, 115 N Nana, 28 Nicholson, Jack, 99 Nin, Anais, 34 P Pasternak, Boris, 53 Patton, George S., 24-97 Philips, Emo, 120 Plato, 78 Popper, Karl, 44 Proverb, African, 48 Proverb, Chinese, 21-31-36-54-71 Proverb, Dutch Antilles, 67 Proverb, Japanese, 33-65 Proverb, Tibetan, 39 Proverb, Zen, 38-77 R Rabelais, François, 105-108 Renard, Jules, 94-106 Rivers, Joan, 109-126 Rochefoucauld, François, 5-83 Rogers, Will, 92 Russell, Bertrand, 27

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S Saint-Exupery, Antoine de, 17 Sartre, Jean Paul, 56 Schopenhauer, Arthur, 46 Schulz, Charles, 114 Seneca (the elder), 87 Shaw, George Bernard, 19 Spinoza, Baruch, 84 T Τeresa, Mother, 42 Tolstoy, Leo, 50 V Vidal, Gore, 95 Vine, Tim, 101 Virgil, 66 Voltaire, 20 W Weisskopf, Victor Frederick, 113 Wittgenstein, Ludwig, 57-61 Wright, Steven, 125 Y Youngman, Henny, 116

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The BushiDo code
Bushido, meaning “Way of the Warrior”, is a Japanese code of conduct and the way of the samurai life, loosely analogous to the concept of chivalry. It originates from the samurai moral code and stresses frugality, loyalty, martial arts mastery and honour unto death. Born of two main influences, the violent existence of the Samurai was tempered by the wisdom and serenity of Confucianism and Buddism. Bushido developed between the 9th to 12th centuries. -1- I have no parents. The sky and the earth are my parents. -2- I have no power. Honor is my power. -3- I have no means. Discipline is my means. -4- I have no magic power. The internal force is my magic. -5- I have neither life nor death. The eternal is my life and my death. -6- I have no body. Bravery is my body. -7- I have no eyes. Lightning is my eyes. -57-

-8- I have no ears. Sensitivity is my ears. -9- I have no parts. Swiftness is my parts. -10- I have no goals. Opportunity is my goals. -11- I have no miracles. Destiny is my miracle. -12- I have no principles. Adaptability in all situations is my principle. -13- I have no friends. The mind is my friend. -14- I have no enemies. Ignorance is my enemy. -15- I have no armor. Will and justice are my armor. -16- I have no castle. The calmness of my mind is my castle. -17- I have no sword. The dream of my spirit is my sword.

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