Failure Exemption

Instructions: When the company has experienced a setback that may negatively affect your work situation, complete this form and post it outside your office or cubicle before your supervisor starts looking for you. Complete a separate form for each failure. Note: For more than three failures, consider omitting forms and simply quitting. Your name: __________________________________________ Position/role: _______________________________________

I [was] / [may possibly be] blamed for the following failure:
Date/time of failure: __________________________________  future/hypothetical Type(s) of failure [check all that apply]:
 performance  schedule  budget  personnel  demeanor  personal hygiene  faith in humanity

Possible unjust pretext(s) for blaming me:
 seemingly incriminating memo, e-mail, or conversation  grossly/wilfully misinterpreted  I never sent/said it  attitude  hygiene  attendance  taste in music  race/creed/color  disability  unfortunate haircut  just looked at _____________________ the wrong way  Other: ________________________________________

Scope of failure:
 project  event  incident  behavior  organization  relationship  doctrine  philosophy/belief system  fiscal year  entire company forevermore  other

I am blameless for this/these reason(s):
 I am in management  I am not in management  I was just following orders  my co-workers, not that I want to go into detail  excessive workload  excessive playload  exhaustion  amnesia  disability  disease or injury  children  I knew nothing/nobody told me anything  despite my repeated requests  Other: ____________________________________________

Description of failure: ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

Blame should instead fall on this/these more deserving target(s):
Position/role Reason Importance of role in failure

Target name


I suggest this/these punishment(s) for the deserving target(s):

 taunting  breakroom dishwashing  push-ups (#: _____)  reprimand  demotion  dismissal  a day in the stocks  all-hands company meeting where target(s) is/are forced to debase themselves like audience members at a stage hypnosis show  something involving this implement(s): _______________________________________  I don’t know, use your imagination

Copyright ©2009 Ninjalistics. Written by Allen Varney. Find new ways to evade responsibility with the many forms available free at

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