I used to say that I'd like to move to India and become a Hinhu.

I think I thought this while in my teens because my Uncle George (De George Elli s) was loving towards me and he was East Indian. I like coffe so much because he used to feed me rice and collard green and give me his coffe to drink It's medicinal and I appreciate our private time together which consisted of hi m telling me about my White biological Father (he thought I should know and was caught by my Mother telling me which resulted in our not having any more private time alone together which I missed, but would never forget because he'd be the only meaningful relationship O'd ever have due to their deception which only to served their selfish motives* my Mothers rage when she eavesdropped on us, Georg e reminding me about my biological Father by giving me a "White" transistor radi o and $10 for my birthday). I didn't trust anyone because of the constant abuse and would never try to seek him out because if he were involved with Dot then he may have ben a decent perso n trying to escape his past association with her and it would be totlly nderstan dable. Or worse, he could be just as evil as she was. I had no one, only knowledge about the people who were supposed to love, provide and protect me which was not occurring. If my Father wanted a relationship with me all he had to do was introduce himsel f to me and it wouldn't have been as terrible as any of the other mental abuses that were inflicted onto me. I guessed he had escaped them/her and hopefully was happy. Dot drove a wedge between George and I. He was old and I wanted to spend time with him, but she wouldn't allow it. I'm very grateful for the relationship we did have because i didn't have to she= are it with them, those half sisters I was subjected to and made to be a slave for as if i deserved to pay for what the adults did that helped to create me. If my being born was a crime then the people who orchestrated my parents to be t ogether in the first place were also to blame and it is ridiculous that "I" can be the blame for having been conceived or born. It's also not my fault that my life was saved by one of the many participants in "their" immitation of lives. Dot stupidly hoped that he would pretend that I was his child to cover her shame of having me from an inbred, Italian, homosexual, pedophile, sadistic rapist. She spoke about when she was young, guys putting holes in condoms so the female would be forced to marry them because he got her pregnant (knocked up). I was forced to breed so they could try and force me into a horrible marriage to an abusive pedophile, homosexual male who would beat and degrade me and rape my children. I think these females who deliberately put people in what they know is harms way to express what happened to them without using words because they are so ashame d of themselves for having been tricked. I don't feel their shame because I was not tricked, but forced. They were obviously undesirables and perhaps if they had talked "to" me instead of "at" me they could have received a real solution for their problems; instead of trying to feel better about thems elves by trying to make everyone "appear" filthy and stupid like them. There is a common denominator and it's not my fault that they began their nonsen se towards me from birth. Perhaps Dot ought to have considered what she would tell me about my surgury. She could have lied, but took great pleasure in telling me the ugly details to a three year old. She wanted to believe I'd forget and I think she didn't want me to forget how sh e took pleasure in what she thinks she got away with because she has the Mark of Cain and is protected. She has The Mark of the Beast and is protected from and by man, but not God.

Without the Seal of God she and the others are doomed. I see why they like their inferior religions like Islam and Catholicism. These people are nothing but insurgents and subversives waging a guerilla war on innocents and innocence. I'd prefer to be me and they do too. This is their life and their mistakes imposed onto me would not lead me to such a decision or make me feel bad about myself. The opposite is true for me because they think about my perfect decisions and ar e jealous while hating themselves for having believed the hype about people who were obviously degenerates and undesirable. Vikki slapping me so often I had to get a knife to stop her from her latest inst allment of assaulting me. Val's gift of makeup trying to get me to wer makeup Vikki srealing makeup Vikki wearing makeup without permission and Dot telling her that it didn't look right, but she'd boldy come in the apt. with it on anyway. This happened after I refused to wear makeup to cover up my acne and continue mo deling. The acne was my excuse to shrug or go on strike against the deplorable condition s I was expected to work under, the physical violence as well as the mental atta cks and exclusion from people who I could never miss because we had no interacti ons that were mutually beneficial. I was supposed to cow tow to people I didn't even know and with the insults they 'd hurl at me I wouldn't have a reason to desire to know. There was no incentive to give them power to use against me when they used their every resource to harm me. Was I not supposed to know Dot wanted me dead and the extra check she spent on e veryone except me was not enough to satisfy her and no amount of work I did was going to change this. She stiil threatened me with "If your Momma don't want you, then nobody will". I knew she didn't want me and everyone else did too, so there was no way to crea te love in a heart so hardened and sadistic. I saw no way, but to associate with people who were like me. Like minds who were not sadistic and perverted. Freedom loving non-retards who don't displace aggression because they are coward s and abuse the power of being a Parent. They think that just because a child needs, loves and are dependant on them, tha t they can exploit this in the vilest of ways. I had to shrug because extra beatings were not what I worked so long and so hard for. I already knew that Dot thought she was bullet proof (she literally has a bullet lodged in her thigh * another story). NSA When I was a member briefly of The Nichirin Shoshu of America- NSA my Mother had told me (by telephone, she moved back to Florida * another story) that she saw a grey cadillac with NSA plates (most likely a Govt. agency and not Nichirin Sho shu of America). She sounded pleased and that couldn't be good for me. I would only practice Buddism for 6 months because I was obviously stlll being c ontrolled Stalked and these people were hand Picked Losers who I wouldn't choose as associates. They had one woman, Tempi Land, a former singer and Linda, who Father was/is Ted the Janitor on The Howard Stern Show. Louie introduced me to the show. I guess he was interested in me thinking positively about anal sex because Howar d was always promoting it. I ffigure if a guy could have anal sex with a woman he could just as easily have it with a man. I think that is a theme for the because they want men to be homosexuals.

Pat (1978) warned me about it and I figured they had an agenda and that it invol ved them having me as a sex slave of men who that were already involved or curio us about homosexuality. I think that Louie was already having sex with Phil or wanted to (*anither story ). it's not my fault people try and force my cooperation by trickery once they forc ed a rapist into my life. Khadijah * tellong me about her experience in having a man move in with her unin vited and refused to leave and other stories like how she tried to kill my oldes t son. I guess, my having been the victim of an attempted murder by my biological parents wasn't enough for the Muslim Terrorist relatives. I think Vikki is absolutle nuts to assume that she can use MY body and her Gang of Black Panthers (Thomas White/dark Black hand picked loser, Naomi/poochie/Puer to Rican, with curly red hair - some of them were wearing black leather jackets like the one Dot had and gave to Vikki) when they already had a slew of whores t hey'd already manipulated. I already figured these Italians were gay because of their protective behavior t owards the boys and boyish girls and obvious disregatd and harshness for the gir ls. They are lousy communicatots and think they are all powerful. They are unsustainable and those phony Catholics are just too much with their cr iminal activities, homosexuals who breed retards just to pretend they are straig ht. The fallout from their greed and criminal activities couldn't be good for any so ciety. They have always responded to the new laws they most likely blackmailed someone into passing. They are under the assumption that they can dominate the world and have continue d their inquisition in the new world. An army infesting our military and everything else with their inbred horde of mi screants who think that in comparisonthey appear good. I think those dark black people in Vikki's gang are the Blue brothers and possib ly the Woodards. 14 Roxbury St. and Dot driving the Woodards out of the building (they moved to C ontinental Place) by buying us metal adjustable rollar skate to skate indoors be cause yhey lived in the apt below us. Roger and Rene were the only ones I'd met. Val and I fought Deseree for Vikki when she was most likely at fault just for he r to repay our loyalty by instigating violence towards us. I suppose the Mafia and Gang infiltrators all having underage sexual relations t ie them together in secrecy as well as their other crimes. They are so thorough as not to leave any one alone to forge their own destiny. They are and always have been a scorge on this country. Just like they managed to get Tommy guns for their 18 months of mayhem, they hav e military access now and obtains weapons the same way. I've been bored with these outcasts who by breeding like rats think their no qua lity crews of losers could take over the world for their Papist, Muslim Terroris t cohorts. All this because they interfered with the normal interactions between people. If they want to own me and thought they had a right to then my Mother should hav e been told to tell me, but Vikki was their weakest link. They had Val's daughter raped. I know they are the reason that my daughter lost her virginity under unusual cur cumstances they orchestrated. They are undesirables and never seem to be the ones to bring up that subject. I would think they'd know, but they only spoke of the sterilizations in hushed t ones like the Jim Jones massecre, which I think Dot knew something about. Dot said she was a Detective (NYPD). Perhaps they're the only people who don't know you can never trust a prostitute

or a crackhead like Dot, Vikki and Valli. No one can trust gay people either because they destroy lives by marrying unsusp ecting straight people aand will reproduce with them also. The Child Pornography and rapes are esaerbated by "feeding" those other primativ es a belief that having sex with a virgin will cure Aids. Virginity, Vikki hates it and must have had an awful first time because she was instrumental in orchestrating rapes and couplings to try and make people hate th e opposite sex. They interfere with all vital relationships and make themselves look better by c omparison. For everyone to equally degraded and humiliated regardless of their actual choic es they made in their personal lives. Children born to women who are only using them as a meal ticket. Me putting on makeup in masepequa and y like we did with Val because she was so immature in High school.. Vikki asking me in a nasty tone "Why are you wearing makeup"? While working kaplans Deli Gordon's friend/associate a White bouy commented that he thought I was pret ty and without makeuo and I said "it's fun" I guess she wanted me to wear it when she wanted me to. Perhaps she could have made it a present to me if she had wanted me to wear it s o badly. I had no one to impress and was not interested in beautifying myself for them! They have proven time and time again not to be worth it. I figured if I was not allowed to "pick my people and not to let them pick me th en I would accept a life without them. It's not like they have anything I desired, so it should have been fine with the m, but it wasn't. A girl in my class in High School applying makeup, who sat in front of me. I suppose I was supposed to want to do the same. As if that would have made a difference on my life, as if I wouldnt be slandered and mistreated anymore. My Mother iived in a time when there was more opportunity to be free to choose y our associates and her choices were the ones she and the world were imposing ont o me. They were not trying to fix anything between us because there was never an apopl ogy for anything. They, the world are like Dot, I see them as the same and just as repulsive. They could never have any communion with me because they deny the fact that I am me. It's God's plan to keep me seperated and Holy. God's plan and his plan trumps their evil schemes!