1An Addict’s Ramblings

by

Robert Noriega Mankin
A grateful recovering addict

All works composed by Robert Noriega Mankin Copyright 02/27/07 All rights reserved.

Lucky Me
As I pass by the place I was There’s still some old friends there Doing what I used to do Headed for nowhere It was truly one bad road You were on it too! How we found and exit off I haven’t got a clue Call it God or call it fate We managed to survive I know I’ll cherish everyday That I am left alive I, for one, was truly lost Was blind and now I see Amazing grace and all of you That saved a fool like me

1

Too Cool
I am the archetypical over educated moron I can find just the salt my every wound to pour on I can snatch defeat away from any type success Over think simplicity into a failing mess I’ve been my own worst enemy Thought drugs could be a friend What a foolish concept to lean on and depend Life’s success and happiness seem so very fleeting Unless I’m able to get up and get to one more meeting

Drugs
Drugs are thugs They rob your hugs. They temp and tug And drive you bugs They set you up Then yank the rug From every single loser lug They wipe the smile Right off your mug They take a life And pull the plug You best believe That drugs are thugs !!!!! By Robert Mankin

Drug Ride
You don’t know me well enough To tell me what to do I can quit it anytime If I wanted to I was having so much fun “Take a hike”, I’d scoff My ride was going perfectly Then the wheels came off Jail! No Bail! No health No wealth No sun No fun No smiles No love From anyone Then one day, I found a way A judge done sent me to N. A. That I have changed can’t be denied It put the wheels back on my ride

The Circle
Sick and tired Sick and tired My health, it seems, my body’s fired My body ain’t had what it needed My “free choice” drugs superseded Avoiding things I once desired I get so lost, bogged down and mired I have to keep my body wired So I won’t feel so sick and tired

If Only
My po’ honey ain’t got no money Funny how that seems to go Bought some dope and hoped to cope Jus’ made her life mo’ po’ She’s all alone just her and Jones And Jones won’t let her be He’s everywhere she tries to turn But ain’t fit company Can’t stay high and can’t get clean She lives the hell that’s in between She fall down on her knees to pray She needs to find a better way If only she could get away If only she could get away

Spirituality

Seeing myself as I really am Putting you before me as much as I can Ignoring the negative things that I hear Relying on trust to take away fear I need to repay all the people I’ve hurt Tell them I’m sorry for doing them dirt Until I can look in the mirror and confess All the denial that made such a mess Living to love and loving to live In service to others dedicated to give Try living this way I think you will see You’ll be the spirit in spirituality

Another Just For Today
Just for today I will not bitch About my persistent addicts itch Just for today I’ll try to smile No matter how my troubles pile Just for today I’ll think of others Instead of all my petty bothers I’ll count my blessing just for today And try to live a better way

The Soul Garage
( N. A. Mtgs.) I’ve listened to you and everyone here I’m grateful to all, the fog’s starting to clear I’ve taken some here and I’ve taken some there A life once in shambles is here to repair I’m fixing myself and just like MacGyver Thanks to every ones’ input I’m still a Survivor

Notes From the Author
Robert Noriega Mankin As of March 1st 2007 3,219days sober One day at a time These are 21 original works for addicts and about addicts. I wrote all of these poems/songs in meetings rooms of Narcotics Anonymous while attending. They are the result of all the things I heard, read and felt as people shared their individual battles with addiction and recovery. They also reflect my own eight plus years in N.A., as I continue my journey from addiction to sobriety. During the year 2006 I wrote down all these bits of inspiration and memory. Each meeting brought me (and still brings) new stories, ideas, and feelings to explore. I thank everyone for their honesty, mindedness, and willingness to share thoughts and feelings and listen to mine. you have inspired me and helped me sane. I hope these works will inspire a newcomer or remind veterans of how it open their All of stay

worked for you. you work it!

Keep coming back! It works if

Lady Addiction
Damn! Here I am in court again I can’t believe it’s true Dressed in orange, handcuffs, and chains I don’t know what to do I told myself the last time I won’t come back no more but I never had the power not To knock upon your door You said, “come in here baby!” Just like you always do I felt so safe and happy Like I always do with you It starts out great our little dance So sweet the feel of new romance It’s guaranteed there ain’t no chance I won’t end up in these orange pants So Baby here I go again Same ending to this tale Until I learn to quit you I’ll be goin’ back to Jail

Fight It Hard!
Just throw it down and kick it Don’t let it bring you down Don’t get your spirit broke And dragged all over town Just throw it down and kick it Then turn and walk away You can’t lose what you ain’t got No matter what they say (bridge) Take a step out of the dark Let the love light find your heart Give yourself a brand new start Do it now! Do it now! Do it now Just throw it down and kick it Give yourself a chance Don’t get stuck in tryin’ to right Some done gone wrong romance Just throw it down and kick it Don’t let it bring you down Don’t get your spirit broke And dragged all over town

Nobody’s Perfect
Grow up! Get right! Be responsible! Quit havin’ too much fun Stand up! Work hard! Be on time! Work from sun to sun! Shape up! Own up! Never cheat! You’re only cheating you Be neat! Be clean! Be organized In everything you do Be perfect! Can’t afford mistakes Never stop to rest! Be diligent and study hard! Get A’s on every test! Go all out! Don’t let up Every single day Until the men in bright white coats Drag your ass away

A Song of Recovery
Today I recovered my sofa Recovered my easy chair too Recovered from screwin’ up most of my life I’d love to recover from you Recovered the seats in my Chevy If you saw it, it looks like brand new Recovered from booze, drugs, and Rock & Roll music But I ain’t got no rehab for you (bridge) It took a few years, some blood sweat and tears Rome wasn’t built in a day I put a big halt to most of my faults Almost got it goin’ my way I recovered from double pneumonia Recovered from bad Asian flu Recovered from most of the troubles I’ve had but Can’t seem to recover from you I might be better off with the blues

H. O. W. (and How)
Be honest and willing Have wide open mind To leave most of your troubles And worries behind Not that you won’t Have a trial or two But a brand new approach Could fix them for you You’ll find it today More simple to cope With an attitude more Conducive to hope Gratitude, love And peace you will find With an honest and willing And wide open mind

Higher Power
A little faith, a little trust Improves things by the hour Since my life’s been guided by My new found higher power He or she has done me right My attitude’s less sour Things been workin’ out just fine Thank you higher power When things get tough ‘n’ scary Don’t run away or cower There’s something that’ll rescue you It’s called your higher power In to each life there comes some rain We can’t avoid the shower The thing that dries us off each time Is called our higher power

90 days
The judge said, “Better change your ways!” Then he gave me 90 days I said, “Judge, that’s much too long!” “The time don’t fit what I done wrong!” The judge said, “Son, I set the time That people serve for every crime.” “And here’s a thing you won’t ignore, I sentence you to 90 more!” (chorus) 90 days plus 90 days Too much bail for me to raise Getting high my only crime I won’t be out ‘til Christmas time I wish the law would let me be But they will never set me free Can’t do my time, be free and clear I’m on probation 4 mo’ years The system it has sealed my fate ‘Cause I can’t help but violate It’s too damn hard to change my ways So I’ll be back for 90 days

Much Too Tight
People who are wrapped too tight Can be a lot of fun It can be quite spectacular To watch them come undone Don’t take too much to set them off It can be quite a sight To watch a human fly apart At near the speed of light I know it doesn’t seem so nice To watch such a mishap But no one seems to loosen up Until they come unwrapped You can’t rebuild dysfunction Great thinkers have discerned Without complete destruction A great life lesson learned

At This Special Time of Year
(the Holidays) I’ll try to help my fellow man As the spirit moves me I’ll give to him all that I can As the spirit grooves me Love and service are the grand Forces that behoove me With these strengths I can withstand Evil trying to use me War and greed throughout the land Are things that most abuse me Rationales for either one Philosophies that lose me I shall rejoice in love not hate Of this you’ll not confuse me If I offend against intent I hope you will excuse me Joy to the world and Peace on earth

The Best Laid Plan
Once I had dough and plenty of blow People to see and places to go Feelin’ no pain my life was insane Was the fastest young man in the fastest fast lane Played the guitar, I knew I’d go far Come hitch your wagon to my rising star Next thing I knew I was dressed up in blue A guest of the county in a cell just for two Busted for dope and left with no hope It left me in ruins and dared me to cope I needed a miracle a real anti curse I was chapter and verse, case scenario… worst! Then miraculously… I started to attend N.A. I stopped all my sins and started again Reclaiming my life from depths it had been I was rarin ‘ to go but they said “ take it slow.” I nurtured the seeds for my spirit to grow I’m becoming a man who finally can Start living his life by a spiritual plan I’m blessed from above with a family to love They fill up my heart, they’re all I think of It proves there’s a source, a goodness, a force It flows through each life and keeps us on course Embrace it today and you’ll need not remorse The power of love, I’m here to endorse

Learning to Trust
Secret Lives and shameful lies Hide secret cuts by many knives Our band-aids help but don’t disguise The pain we feel and try to hide Blame yourself! Shrink from light! It’s all your fault! You know you’re right! Since no one could be worse than you There’s no one you can tell it to Isolated and ashamed You’re so deserving of the blame Thank god no one can read your mind Oh the shame ! With what they’d find Could there be some help for you? Could someone feel the way you do? Sharing pain bring out God’s grace Miracles start taking place One we start to trust we find We’re all the same….humankind

Moment of Clarity Blues
I gots’ta quit’cha baby Can’t afford to feel this bad I gots’ta quit’cha baby Can’t afford to feel this bad Never understood this feelin’ It’s the worst I ever had One night without you baby my body starts to shake One night without you baby my body starts to shake Betty Ford ain’t got no answer For what I need to take Please lock me in the basement, Like a werewolf from the Moon Got to lock me in the basement Like a werewolf from the Moon Without you I’m a monster Ain’t no tellin’ what I’ll do I gots’ta quitcha baby Can’t afford to feel this bad I gots’ta quitcha baby Can’t afford to feel this bad lose this awful feelin’ Its worst I ever had It’s the worst I ever had

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