Lail 1 Dustin Cole Lail Professor Suzanne Ingram ENGL 1103-036 30 October 2012 Male Victim’s Post

-Rape Libido and Various other Consequences Imagine being forced to do something you would never, ever want to do. Visualize the torment you would endure while doing it – much less the mental and sometime physical torture that will follow. After you have been forced to do it, would you want to do it again? Or if it was scarring enough, would you never want to even be around it? This can sometimes be like a sexual assault victim’s post rape libido. It is necessary to venture past what is obvious and to look at the other possible outcomes. Although most people agree that a victim’s post-rape libido will be extremely low, I want to suggest that their post-assault libido will vary to the high extreme as well. I also want to tie together other consequences of rape. Being a victim myself, I can vouch that in some cases the libido can skyrocket, but I am not the only one who sees this. Autoeroticism – or masturbation – can become an outlet for the sexually frustrated rape victim with no interest in someone else. I’ll start with a quote. “Which part of the body is most intensely used while masturbating? The ear” (Verhaeghe, Paul). There is a fear in getting caught; however, it often gives the individual the ability to release some stress. Victims of sexual assault often feel so guilty that they become stressed because of it. But why is society so uptight and against masturbation? It is quite simple actually. Masturbation is by oneself, thus having sexual

Lail 2 contact with something that is not different from itself – thus sometimes considered incestuous. Sex with other person/persons is considered a social event (Verhaeghe, Paul). Victims are more often than not traumatized and are against having sexual contact with another person. Thus, more and more sexual frustration builds up and they have to find a release. After all, that person can trust themselves – not necessarily another person. Likewise, the terms love and sexual drive can be connected (Verhaeghe, Paul), but for most victims it is not. After the sexual assault, the victim has a hard time trusting to tell someone about it, much less to find love in any form. Autoeroticism simply causes pleasure – something that feels good. The victim can find a way to feel good or to momentarily let go off all the cares in the world. On the other hand, victims can become so separated from the world that he or she does not even look for the pleasure. It is important to note the two sides of the spectrum; especially the one usually covered up. A great deal of sexual frustration could possibly come from the under-educated society we live in. For example a man named Warren was interviewed about his victimization: It pisses me off that we never see this stuff anywhere. How was I supposed to know this could happen to me if no one ever told me? It totally caught me off guard when I was raped. It rocked my world and I can’t believe this happens so much without anyone ever talking about it… For years since this happened to me I have always read every word of newspaper stories on rape and not once has there been a man as the victim. Same goes for TV. I keep looking for someone out there like me and I know those guys exist. They’re probably totally alone like I am and fumbling around in the dark too (Scarce, Michael).

Lail 3 The inability to cope likewise can skyrocket a victim’s libido. Especially in Warren’s type of case, the male victim feels completely alone and has nowhere to turn, except to more sexual escapades. In fact our society is so messed up and unprepared for male rape victim cases, that a victim’s mother wrote to Dear Abby for support of her eighteen year old son, who was brutally beaten and gang-raped. The police were of no help; the rapists were only charged with assault and battery. There were a ton of rape crisis centers for women, but the mother could not find one for her son. She even stressed the emphasis that her cry for help be printed in the newspaper so the general public could know (Scarce, Michael). The fact of the matter is that the general public needs to know what is going on. Sexual assault victims need to be able to trust in someone. Until our society is fully aware that rape effects more than just women, victims will be stuck alone. Post-victimization sexual satisfaction can also attribute to a victim’s libido. “Sexual satisfaction is affected in the immediate post-rape period but as early as three months later it returns to pre-rape levels. It is notable that declines in sexual satisfaction are seen even when the assault was not conceptualized as rape” (Koss, Mary). This is not to say that in three months a victim’s sex life will be back to normal; in fact, their life as a whole is nothing normal. I know that even though my series of rape victimizations are nearly six years ago, I still to this day hate when someone raises their voice or goes to hit me. I shrink down and cower like a young child. However, Mary Koss goes on to say that victims get bored with sex easily, have less intense and/or have less frequent orgasms (Koss, Mary). With this withdraw from sex their libido can easily increase because of the frustration with the inability to perform. They easily can try newer or wilder things. I can easily vouch for this. I am open-minded to anything and everything. I do tend to get bored during sex mostly because I have less frequent orgasms. Despite my fear of being non-sexually abused, I do tend to go towards the wilder aspects of sex. My libido is so

Lail 4 high that I have to have some kind of sadomasochism or another kink to perform in a “timely” manner. A study of the long-term effects of sexual abuse easily showed the notable differences on different items. Those sexually abused often experienced the following significantly more than those who were not – sexual problems, sexual over activity, loneliness, dissatisfying sex life, un-enjoyable sex, bad thoughts or feeling during sex, sexual feelings when you should not have them, and sexual confusion – just to name a few (Burgess, Ann). I know for a fact that I have sexual feelings when I should not because of my victimization. I remember learning to crave the next encounter. I also know that I was sexually confused. I had always had sexual identity issues way before I became a victim; however, my rape experience made me constantly think about it. It was not until I came to terms with what had happened could I embrace it.

Lail 5 Works Cited Burgess, Ann. Rape and Sexual Assault III. New York & London: Garland Publishing, 1991. Print. Koss, Mary et al. The Rape Victim. London: Sage Publications, 1991. Print. Scarce, Michael. Male on Male Rape. New York: Insight Books, 1997. Print. Verhaeghe, Paul. Love in a Time of Loneliness. New York: Other Press, 1999. Print.