Tales of Sparrow Half-Elven
Picture if you will: "A blade flashes in the dark. a woman steps out of the shadows, lean and strong; she's wearing fine leather armor; her thin, stoic face, covered in part by a blue silk mask, is steeled with intensity and purpose. She moves like a cat through the faceless watches of the night. She leaps upon her enemies before they even know she's there. Like a tiger stalking its prey, such is the precision of Sparrow Half-Elven, famous bard and assassin, feared the world over. The greatest killing-machine the realms have ever-" "-Assassin?" interrupted Tessa. "Have you ever actually killed anyone?" "Well no" replied Sparrow. "But it's just a play, after all. that's why it's called acting." "Don't they always say, 'write what you know'? What do you know about killing? Your play should be about baking... you're great at that." "Stop interrupting me," said Sparrow "Sorry..." Sparrow cleared her throat and continued. "'Sparrow, thank you for helping me solve this spellcraft riddle,' replied Elminster. 'You're he wisest person I've ever-'" "-Oh come on, that's nonsense. Elminster? is he even real?" Before Sparrow could reply, a loud knock sounded at the door. "Who is it?" asked Sparrow pleasantly, almost singing the words. "You know damn well who it is. Get your butt down here and pay your rent," said the innkeeper, through the thick wooden door. "I'll break this door down, so help me gods..." He received no reply, and when he finally did break the down the door, he was greeted by nothing but an empty room, and an open window. *** "If we keep doing that, sooner or later were going to run out of inns," said Tessa. "When this play is finished, we're gonna have all the gold we'll ever need. You just wait and see!" "Yea right" said Tessa, rolling her eyes.
Suddenly a cool ocean breeze blew in from the sword coast, lifting Sparrow's mood, along with her golden locks. "Where there's life, there's hope, Tessy. You're too young to be so cynical," said the half-elf, after punching Tessa playfully on the shoulder. *** After wandering aimlessly for most of the day, the duo eventually came to a shabby old inn, known as "The Fancy Cat". Sparrow immediately donned a disguise and entered the tavern, hoping to spread the word about the "fabulous half-elf sensation that's been sighted in the area." "Hey guys, did you hear the news?" asked Sparrow, disguised as a human male, complete with thick eyebrows and fake beard. "Sparrow Half-Elven, the phenom of the sword coast, might be doing a show here tonight..." "Never heard of spar-rib half-eleven," replied the drunken dwarf, before passing out. After working the room unsuccessfully, Sparrow eventually made her way over to the barkeep. "Say, I represent the famous half-elf bard, perhaps you've heard of her? Her name is-" "-Sparrow Half-Elven?" replied the bartender. "Y-yes" said Sparrow, clearly caught off guard. Before she could say anything else, the bartender blew his whistle, and Sparrow found herself locked in irons. "Young lady," said chief inspector Tomas, "You're wanted far and wide for defrauding the innkeepers of the Sword Coast. This inn was built only yesterday, solely for the purpose of catching you." "Really?" asked Sparrow. "No. But we did catch you, all the same. You're going away for a long time." "Really!?" asked Sparrow, again. "No. Maybe for a few weeks. Or maybe well sell you to the Zhentarim instead," mused the inspector. Before Sparrow could ask "really?" a third time, Tessa kicked the door down and said "no
one locks my sis in irons; I'm ending this now!" What followed was a damned brawl that destroyed the inn and left dozens of men and women injured. Here's the rundown: Upon entering the inn, Tessa grabbed Tomas and headbutted him. He went down like a sack of potatoes, soiling himself in the process. Then she grabbed a surf board off the wall and broke it over the head of another guard. "Surf's up", she said, after snorting derisively. During the chaos, Sparrow filched the keys to her chains and escaped. She then climbed up into the rafters and starting wailing on her guitar and mocking people, which somehow caused them large amounts of psychic damage. Tessa reveled in the brawl; she broke chairs over peoples backs, crushed throats and poked eyes. The guards were decimated. Of course, everyone joined in and the whole thing got real messy real quick. Tess and Sparrow eventually fled (with several bottles of wine). Epilogue: They spent the night in the woods with a halfling caravan that would have robbed them blind, if only they had any money. THE END?
"What's that tattoo?" asked Tessa, pointing to the man's shoulder. "Hmm, it appears to be a mandolin suspended over a field of black, with a skull on top. What could it mean?" said Sparrow. Sparrow rubbed her chin for a moment, then added "To the library of knowledge!" *** Well, we call them the 'brotherhood of evil bards', said the young scholar. Then he leaned in and said 'They're shadowdancers who worship the evil goddess Shar. It seems that they go around Faerun causing terrible disasters so they can write first-hand songs, stories and poems about them, and get rich. We think they caused the Time of Troubles and the Spellplague, both so they could sell books about the tragedy. "Really?" asked Sparrow. Sure. And whats more, they're apparently led by a Mind Flayer. But you didn't hear that
from me," said the scholar, pointing at his nose. "Sow, were gonna be famous when we destroy the brotherhood of evil bards!" squawked Sparrow. After the duo left with stars in their eyes, an old scholar called out from across the library, saying "Jenkins! Are you lying to people again? Making up stories about bards and Shar and crap like that?" "Of course not sir!" replied Jenkins, with a grin.
Illustrations of Sparrow