F’UN EXAMS

Other Titles by Ian Black WEEGIES vs EDINBUGGERS GEORDIES vs MACKEMS MANCS vs SCOUSERS

BLACK & WHITE PUBLISHING

First published 2012 by Black & White Publishing Ltd 29 Ocean Drive, Edinburgh EH6 6JL 1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2 ISBN 12 13 14 15

978 1 84502 489 5

Copyright © Ian Black 2012 The right of Ian Black to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. The publisher has made every reasonable effort to contact copyright holders of images in the picture section. Any errors are inadvertent and anyone who for any reason has not been contacted is invited to write to the publisher so that a full acknowledgement can be made in subsequent edtions of this work. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without permission in writing from the publisher. A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. Typeset by RefineCatch Limited, Bungay Printed and bound in Poland www.hussarbooks.pl

CONTENTS
ARTS HUMANITIES MATHEMATICS SCIENCES 7 21 53 71

ARTS

F’un Exams

Q A

Describe a work of John Constable. The Haywain is a right good Constable painting. It is a comment on the state of the roads in the eighteenth century. The horse and cartie are stuck in the middle of a humungous dub.

In an essay on Polish theatre director Jerzy Grotowski and his ‘laboratory theatre’ which required a physically demanding style of acting, one student wrote about actor Ryszard Cieslak: ‘straining at his role in the lavatory theatre’.

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F’un Exams

Q A

What looks like half an apple? The half that’s left.

A drama class was doing an end-of-year test. One of the questions was a list of names/terms that the pupils had to describe in their own words. One of the words was ‘Gobo’. One of the pupils wrote: ‘A character from Lord of the Rings who is a skitzo.’

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F’un Exams

Q A His tea Q A

What can a vegetarian never eat for breakfast? .

If you throw a blue stone into the Red Sea what will it become? Soakin.

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F’un Exams

Q A

How can a man go eight days without sleeping? He sleeps at night, except if he is on the nightshift. I don’t know what he does then. Women can do this too.

Q Elephants huvny got hands. A trunk, aye, A hands naw.
How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

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F’un Exams

Q A

How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? It would need to be an awfy big egg to crack a concrete floor. Don’t know.

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F’UN GREAT ONES

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F’un Great Ones

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F’un Great Ones

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F’un Great Ones

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F’un Great Ones

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F’un Great Ones

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F’UN EXAMS
a muck sweat. We’ve all been there, staring at the paper, wondering what it means, and if we’ll get extra marks for a funny answer or just pelters and an ‘F’ for F’un Eejit-Heid Failure. answers that most of us would have liked to have made, just for the hell of it. In Home Eccy, for instance, the question, ‘Name three typical Scottish dishes’ got the answer, ‘A cup, a plate, and a wee saucer with a chip out of it.’ Was that you? So reminisce, step back into the exam hall, and have a laugh at the true and allegedly true howlers in F’UN Exams. And if it wasn’t you that gave these answers, you’ll wish it was.
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EXAMS! Just the word is enough to bring you out in

F’UN Exams is a hilarious collation of exam

£5.99 BLACK & WHITE PUBLISHING

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