GOD

P A.T.C.H. .

Positive Approach To Christian Hearts
by JIM HARRISON

Foreword
This book is written expressly about God, not any one individual. The intention of the story is to describe how God has, through His creations, given us the earth and human beings, to develop and exist in a perfect balance with Him. Physically, the earth has to stay in perfect balance or it would not remain situated at its location in the universe, as God had placed it. The balance of nature, all things natural, on the planet is meant to stay this way so that everlasting life could exist here. The balance of man is such that we can develop physically, mentally and emotionally. We must work to maintain a balance between our human and spiritual self or it will have a huge impact on our health and our mental abilities to be able to cope with life itself. We, as human beings, need to maintain our balance between the earth and us, otherwise we cause major problems with the earth and these

will become catastrophic problems for future generations. God’s plan was to have a perfect place and a perfect physical being, so that He would be able to enjoy the love that He wants to share with us. God is love itself and without human beings how would He nurture relationships. We, the humans, have certainly messed that up big time. We can get back to that place, of a loving relationship, if we choose to work at it. God is always ready and willing to be there for us. The choice has to be up to us. God loves what He created and we should be equally willing to return that love for Him. As God worked within Jesus in His life, He can also work within us. It is a beautiful place to be, if we just make the choice. The relationship that allows the balance of the Holy Trinity to come together as one, can be the same relationship for us to maintain a balanced life.

Contents
Forty days . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 God’s plan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 Crying out . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11 Life’s direction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13 Is it “I” or “I Am” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17 It’s about balance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23 Passing it on . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27 The journey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31 The next phase . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37 A new start . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41 To suffer or not . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45 The message . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47 Hard choices . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49 Understanding . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53 The Decision . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59 Starting over . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67 The worst “pit” yet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 73 A relationship develops . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79 Even bigger decisions. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87 The answer to the question . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93 Acknowledgement . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97

Forty days
As I sit here on the balcony, of the condo in Florida, gazing out onto the ocean, I watch the pelicans diving into the water to get food for nourishing themselves. I cannot help but marvel at God’s grace that sustains all of us, humans and animals alike. Watching the sunrise and sunsets from here you cannot believe there is ever, two the same. The color, the brilliance, the clouds painted across a multi hued blue sky, along with the various green colors of water give a performance that draws people from miles around each day to view God’s majesty. If we have such a strong fascination with God’s handiwork, how is it we find it so difficult to believe, that God loves us so much, and wants to have a personal relationship with each of us. How much do we truly understand, the existence of mankind, on this planet we call earth. We know from the bible, that earth is a creation of God,

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Genesis 1: 1 “and God created the heaven and the earth” and that it, earth, exists in what we humans know as the universe. The universe appears to be the largest conceptualization that we can handle, with our understanding. Individually, we do not know, if there is anything beyond our universe or that anything else exists beyond our universe. We have learned that the universe cannot exist, without the living energy to sustain it and the same holds true for the earth. Without this living energy, things would just disintegrate. It is my belief that, this living energy is God. This is a definition of God, I believe is very accurate, based on my knowledge. The following quotation of God: “He always was and always has been, never can be created or destroyed, all that ever was, always will be, always moving into form, through form and out of form”. The bible tells us that once God was finished with his creation of earth, He was very pleased with what

He saw. This creation as He completed it then, is still the same place we live today. The one difference being, that we as humans have scarred and defaced his planet almost beyond recognition. God’s feeling for His creation has never changed to this day. I am sure it makes him, (God), sad to see what we are doing with the earth. I have recently discovered, that when we look at our earth through God’s eyes, it is a totally different place, than most of us know it too be, even today. What I mean is that most of us see our world by the priorities that we have chosen, jobs, marriage, housing, etc. These are all things centered around us, not God. When we start to see from God’s perspective, our priorities become very small and insignificant. During these times that my wife and I spend here on the Gulf Coast at Destin, Fl. I see this as, not so much a vacation, but an experience or training session with God. Much like it was for Moses in

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Exodus 34:28-29 “Moses was there with the LORD forty days and forty nights without eating bread or drinking water. And he wrote on the tablets the words of the covenant-the Ten Commandments. When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the Testimony in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the LORD.” I believe that something similar to this has happened to me as well. I am able to push aside all the negative parts of worldly life and connect in a very positive way with my creator. This was my time to make a covenant with God and do whatever he asked. I have managed to learn, that having a positive experience with God and my savior Jesus Christ, is a world apart from the life style that most of us choose to live, when left to our own devices. It is my desire, that by writing this book, about the experiences of my life, I will not be too late to reach

many of you who are going through some of the same rough times that I did. I would like to share some of my thoughts and beliefs that I have gained during these communications with God. In the bible they tell us of the miracles that took place while Jesus was here on the earth. Do we ever stop and look around us at God’s miracles that are still here today. The air we breathe, the pure water for drinking, the plants that give us the material for our clothing and the animals for our food. These things in themselves are miracles given to us by God to enhance our relationship with Him. We may all live on one earth, yet it is a common error to believe there are two equal and opposite forces at work in the world, one good, the other evil – one God, the other Satan, and between these two we have the choice to do as we please. The truth is that Satan is a created being, created by God just as we were. He (satan) has only as much power and

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influence as God allows him. Satan (lucifer), in the beginning, was the archangel in charge of praise among the heavenly hosts, harps and all prior to his fall. Observing earth from God’s perspective, we realize others have bigger needs than we do and how we can help them, becomes more important, than our own desires and needs. Understanding earth and the universe from the big picture is awesomely huge.

God’s plan
Now if we view earth and mankind from the most simplistic or smaller side, we would be looking at it from the size of the living cell. The plan that God has for all human beings, begins at a microscopic level, even before we are born. When God starts a plan that will be our life story, we also have to understand, that He is going to be doing the exact same thing for our children as they are created, and also their children. We as parents of children think that we know better than anyone how are children should be raised. We do not know better than God, and therefore if we were to raise them in conjunction with God, it is likely we would do a much better job of it. We try very hard to impose our will on our children, not God’s will. If we were to watch the process that is taking place inside of our mothers womb, on a daily basis, we would be amazed to see how God takes all of these cells and transforms them into what will be us.

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The creation of mankind as written in Genesis 1: 26 “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness…”. The fact that God wanted to create man in this manner, certainly does not give the impression, that he ever expected man to be the sinner that we are. If one was to say there ever was a flaw in God’s plan, it may be when He gave man the ability to make his own choice. This certainly appears to be mankind’s downfall over time. This gift of choice, is what separates us from the animal breeds on the planet, as they simply act out of instinct. When we describe mankind, we seem rather comfortable with the term “human being”. It was the side of mankind called “human”, which very easily fell prey to Satan’s devious, lying abilities to sway us to his way of thinking.

Isaiah 14: 12-15 How you have fallen from heaven, O morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations! You said in your heart, “I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of the sacred mountain. I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.” But you are brought down to the grave, to the depths of the pit. Satan was banished from heaven because he wanted to be better than God was. He was made to live in the grave of the earth, the depths of the pit. His ego was so great, he said he could make himself just like God. Our bad choice started with Adam and Eve.

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Crying out
Genesis 3: 3-5, “God did say, you must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.” “You will not surely die, “ the serpent said to the woman. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Adam and Eve both ate of the fruit from the tree. Genesis 3: 7 “then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked”. Up until this moment, they were only seeing their surroundings and themselves through the “being” (spiritual) side of humanity. That is the same way God sees earth, with innocence not with an ego. My relationship with God started at a time when I likely did not even realize it. The day that my mother passed away was probably the bleakest of my life. As a young man of seventeen, at the time, she was everything to me although my father was present physically, we had no relationship. I was coming to that age when you are preparing to set out on your own, in the world. Even with both my parents supporting me, this was a challenge. Looking back, this was the scariest time to be on my own. I had no idea what to expect because I had just spent the last few months trying to care for my mom, as I was certain in my mind she was going to beat this cancer and get better. Right then, in that moment of time, my future just seemed to disappear before me and I did not want to go on like this. The next day I went to our church and kneeling at the alter rail I started to pray. It seemed as though I was

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there for hours. Certainly, my first question was why did this have to happen at all and where would I go from here? I begged God to give me the strength to overcome this sinking feeling of desperation that was overcoming me. I prayed for His guidance, for my life, as I now felt completely lost. This, I believe is how most of us react, when out of desperate measures we turn to God to “patch” our lives back together again. I returned home that day knowing that I had to carry on but never really knowing how this day might affect my future.

Life’s direction
As we see the results of “Human Beings”, from the creation process, we begin to understand why the “Human” portion follows the form thinking process, or the use of the brain not the heart. Form thinking is the process that considers the flesh (body), the I or ME principal. It is mainly about things, wanting and getting them, about judging yourself and others, about imposing your will on others, and also about distancing yourself from everything and everyone. It is believing you can do everything on your own, due to your own superiority, just like Satan did. Living your entire life like this, means you are living the bigger part of it totally unconscious of everything going on around you, simply because YOU are more important than anything else. This is most certainly NOT the way God wanted us to be, but Satan loves it. You are like free food to him, and he is salivating for the opportunity. It is a gigantic leap, for most

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people to accept that every man and woman, good or bad has been created by God. The best and the worst of us are all God’s creations. The underlying emotion that governs ego is fear, the fear of being nobody, the fear of non-existence and the fear of death. Illusion will never satisfy you, only the TRUTH of who you are, when realized will set you free. A human’s ego can never be satisfied because it continuously wants more. You will be left with a longing, that can never be filled. If you have ever known an alcoholic, a drug addict or depressed individual, just ask them to explain their condition to you. It is very likely, they will tell you all about how someone or something put them in this position. It is never about them. Many individuals find they are falling into this category, where they give the appearance that everything in their life is a negative situation or nothing positive is ever going to happen to me. 14

They are always seeking something or someone to make them happy. Unfortunately, individual happiness seldom comes from something external. These “things”(form) are short term satisfiers and because of this you never get complete happiness, due again to the ego wanting more. It is so true that happiness, or the need for happiness, is viewed as a goal you plan for and expect too achieve. Happiness is not something you can “go to”, because happiness is a condition not an object. When we are at peace with our creator our goal is achieved and riches of joy and wisdom will bring us more happiness than we could ever imagine possible. Eg; When we damage our car, we expect to have a body repairer patch it up for us. When we contract a serious medical disease we expect a medical practitioner to patch us up, and move on with our life. When we experience, a serious storm that rips part of the roof, from our house we expect a roof

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repairer to patch it up. When we do serious damage to our own lives, who do we expect is going to patch up this damage, if we cannot do it ourselves? It has been proven that we cannot do it alone. Most of us, turn to God, with the expectation of having our lives patched together. The following quotation came to me from God, “Life, is just a patchwork, held together by threads of silver and gold, sewn by God with Love.”

Is it “I” or “I AM”
Once we rediscover our spiritual self, there ever since our birth, we start to see the outer world with God’s view. Instead of saying, I want this or I have that, I can do this or that, we start to say, I am here for you or I am going to do this for you. The “I am” process requires conscious thought and usually means most of the benefit is going to some one else. When you accept this, you are utilizing the true you and not some fake or made up person. The rewards from this will bring you the greatest wealth you could ever have. It is not a currency wealth, but a riches of joy, happiness, love and peace heaped upon you as life goes on. It’s said that, “the sin’s of the parents are passed on to the children”, this statement is very accurate. A pregnant mother’s energy is passed on to the unborn child. Negative energy will result with the child being born with a larger negative energy field. Stress

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factors such as fighting, drugs, alcohol and so on will be passed from a mother’s energy to the child. A child can pick up negative energy from their environment even before the child can actually communicate. A baby that cries for no reason is learning to express stress from it’s environment. By the time they can walk and interact with other children, they may already have a negative attitude that can last for a lifetime. Having a conscious developed, positive lifestyle, is something that has to be worked on as a daily routine. The more we work to stay positive, means, the more we push Satan and his negative world out of our life. This is not a simple task. Godly followers are in the minority. Each day when we wake up we must make the decision to start our day with God. First thank God for giving us a new day and secondly, by praising God for all that He is and does for us. Repeating this 18

process every day, means we are living in the truth of the Lord. This will keep Satan, the king of liars, from entering our space. The bible tells us many times, that praising our Lord Jesus is the first step in winning the daily battle against Satan. Once we have taken this first step, God will complete our victory for us. The resulting spoils of the victory become ours to keep. Each day’s decision to do this makes it an easier task. Why you ask? If you have discovered your “being” or spiritual side, then you are now communicating with God. He has now become your best friend again, as He was when you were created, and will lift much of your burden from you. As He does this, you will find it becoming easier to make this conscious choice of lifestyle on a daily basis. As things become routine it will be happening more on an unconscious level and there is no room left for satan any longer. Things will become clearer and days will be filled with joy and happiness. You are now living by your heart, as God wants you too, and 19

your light (energy) will be noticed by others as they are attracted to you. Matthew 6: 9-10 Our father in heaven hallowed be thy name, your kingdom come your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. The purpose of praying this prayer, is to ask God to bring His kingdom into our life today. We do not have to wait until we get to heaven to enjoy His kingdom. We can enjoy our citizenship in our human kingdom and also our spiritual citizenship in God’s kingdom. Both can be at the same time on earth. Jesus sacred space can be enjoyed within our relationships we have with each other and with God. The love we share in these relationships will last forever. This positive energy is our way of communicating with God and our fellow man, and will bring more

people and things into your life instead of the negative energy pushing everything away.

This “positive approach to a christian heart”, (P.A.T.C.H.) is the message that God wants me to extend to the world.

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It’s about balance
Genesis 2:7, “the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” Most individuals are amazed when they learn that they are born on this planet earth as a creation of God. They would have no existence except for receiving the breath of God at birth. This fact is written in the Bible and as well in medical journals also. As my title for this book states, (and God gave me this title), positive and negative attributes do control our lives from birth till death. It’s how we use these attributes that can make a huge difference in how we do or do not enjoy life. It is not fully understood by most people how our health is dictated by these positives and negatives. Life developed under the influence of the earth’s geomagnetic field. We are surrounded by a sea of magnetism. The millions of cells, making up the

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organs and the body are magnetically charged by this force. Cell regulation, tissue function and life itself, are controlled by internal electromagnetic currents. God created us, from living cells that function on positive and negative abilities. They can be influenced by external positive and negative forces around us. Magnetic fields surround the earth and protect all living things from harmful radiation. They also influence mans behavior, mental function and physical energy. Oxygen and water are paramagnetic and can be magnetized as either positive or negative. Since the human body is seventy percent water, you can easily see how this process can have a substantial influence. Since God created earth and humans it is easy to understand that He would have meant it to be this way. There are many books written on this subject for more detailed information. Where we choose to live in relationship to certain

rock formations, that have high concentrations of positive magnetic energy, can also have very influential aspects on our health. When we moved to northern Ontario, my health was very poor. Not long after, I commented to my doctor how much healthier I felt since we had arrived, even though my conditions had not changed. I remember years ago that companies would install devices called ionizers to add positive ions into the company air supply to help the employees feel more upbeat at work. Now you are probably asking yourself, where is he going with all of this? I believe this same type of relationship can be had with God, through His energy. I stated earlier, that our levels of energy either positive or negative, can be utilized to shape the kind of life existence we choose to have while on this planet. Certain influences by other factors will come into play during our lifetime, but it is our choices that will direct the final outcome. We

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can attempt to do it with or without God’s plan for us. The gift of choice, that God gave us at birth, is very likely the greatest gift we will ever have. It is unfortunate that it will also be the most abused gift we use.

Passing it on
How adults view the world around them and the actions they take, is predetermined by their parents teaching during their childhood. If we as parents have a relationship with God, living a Godly lifestyle this will be reflected in the teachings we pass on to our children. If we believe we can tell our children one thing and live something else, this will never work. By the ages between 3-5 years, how we make our way through life is already set. We hear parents instruct their small children to “say you are sorry”, when they have taken a toy from another child. This in itself does absolutely nothing because eventually they learn that just “saying you are sorry”, means you can take anything you want with no repercussions. If we do not make them understand how they have hurt the other person, or the fact that if the other person does not want to give up what they have, you cannot take it. We can teach our

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children to use their heads or their hearts allowing them to view their world in completely different ways. We must also teach our children to live for what is happening today and not by past events. The past should be just that, a lesson about the past and not impact how we live, our lives, today. God’s expectation for us, when He created us, was that we would live the life that He made for us. In the bible, Genesis 1; 4-5, “ God saw that the light was good, and He separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day” and the darkness He called “night”. This was the only creation of “day” that took place and God planned for us to live in that “day”. No where does it say that He expected us to live in a “past day” or even a “future day”, it only says that we would live in “the day”, the present. God even went so far as to make it impossible for us to live in no more than one “day” at a time.

We cannot be in two places at once, anymore than a builder could build more than one house at a time. He could be working on more than one at a time, but can only be in one at a time. God gave us signs to mark the seasons and days and years, but reality is, we can only be sure of one thing, that is, we have each single day given to us as the present. If we try to live in the past, present and future each day, it will be chaos and lead to insanity. Unfortunately, that is how a lot of people are living today. Learning to live in the present and in the presence of God will bring peace and understanding into an otherwise chaotic life.

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The journey
I remember what my life was like, prior to giving control of it over to God. In 1941, when World War II started, my father signed up for the Royal Canadian Engineers division of the army. In late summer or fall of 1941, my mother took the train to Montreal to meet my father before he left for his final basic training at the East coast of Canada. At this moment in time, God chose to start the plan, for the rest of my life. I was conceived at this time and was born on May 11, 1942. Very soon, after, my father left to go overseas with his division. My mother had to seek employment to be able to support her family. During these early years of my life I was raised by my grandparents, who lived quite close to us. My mother and I grew very close to one another during this period. My father was overseas until I was nearly five years of age. I will always remember my

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grandparents as a very loving couple. They were christian people and always went to church on Sunday. They appeared quite happy with what little they had. They would always be singing and laughing with me. Years later, other family relatives, said my father was never the same, when he returned home from the war. I used to ask who this man was and why was he staying here? We never became very close, my father and I, until much later in life. Isn’t it strange that I can say the same thing for my relationship with my heavenly Father, even though they were both in my life all this time. My father, mother, two sisters and I needed to pick up our family life. There was a lot of pressure to finish building the house my father had started before the war. In those days, my family would have been considered blue collar or working class people. The entire neighborhood we lived in was made up of

similar families. We think it is terrible when we hear of all the neighbourhood shootings today, but this even happened back in the mid nineteen-fifties. We were playing one day, in front of my grandparents house, when one of the kids had been teased by some others. He ran home angry and then suddenly from the second story window of his house he began shooting a rifle. We all ran for cover, but not before one of the bullets hit my youngest sister. I thought for sure she was dead. They rushed her off for medical attention and the police came and captured him. Fortunately, she had only been grazed on her side and returned home quickly. This was certainly an awful scare for all of us and it taught me how quickly life could change. That night I thanked God in my prayers for saving my sister. One incident that now stands out in my mind, as a Godly moment, was something small but very important. When I was about fifteen, I was out with

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my friends on a Saturday night. We were just driving around killing some time when somebody spotted this really fancy car parked on the side street. It had very expensive covers (hubcaps) on the wheels. Someone suggested coming back when it got darker and helping our selves to the covers. As it came time to go back, I asked them to let me out of the car so I could walk or hitch hike home. Before I had gone very far, they returned. They asked me if I wanted a ride home and I took it. The next morning two policemen appeared at my parents door. They got me out of bed and told me we were going to the police station. I knew my father would beat the daylights out of me and so my mother took me to the station. When we arrived there, I learned that someone had seen our license plate number and called the police. They rounded up the driver who gave them the names of everyone in the car. They questioned me with my mother in the room. I told them that I had not been in the car when this took place but they had 34

offered me a ride home later. The detective said this was the same information the other boys had offered. They had to confirm this for the record. My mother believed me. She said I would not have done this. I went to church every week and did not get into trouble. I knew that God had a part in this for sure when one of my friends probation was that he had to go to church with me for a set period of time. It is obvious today that God was working in my life, although I did not know it then.

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The next phase
As time progressed into my teenage years, I met a girl named Marilyn who eventually became my wife. I am not totally clear about all the circumstances, but I do remember that I had made arrangements with her father to look at his car for some mechanical repairs. They had invited me to stay for dinner. I realize today that this too would be part of God’s plan for each of us, as she would need a lot of support in the future. Initially she refused to sit at the table with us because she could not stand the smell of motor oil. God had other plans for us and circumstances eventually led to our marriage. Just prior to this period of our upcoming marriage, I had gone through the lowest period of my life and I was certainly glad I had Marilyn in my life to support me. Little did I know that these roles would be reversed, in a short time. My mother had developed cancer and spent her last months at

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home with us. I did all I could to take care of her till she passed on. This really devastated me as I mentioned earlier. Refer to page 31. After her death I prayed constantly to God, to give me the strength to go on with my life, and there were days when I did not care too. Marilyn was with me trying to give support and lessen the burden that was seemingly overcoming me. I was still trying to pull myself together after this black period, when Marilyn and I were making plans for our upcoming marriage. We were truly looking forward to our life as a couple together after the wedding ceremony. We had started attending church together, although Marilyn was not a christian at the time we met. When we were dating, she had shared with me that she had been adopted and her parents were not her birth parents. This in itself, did not have much meaning to me, as lots of people were adopted. I was soon to learn that this would almost consume our married life together. 38

Just days before our wedding day, Marilyn was talking too her mother and right out of the blue her mother informs Marilyn who her birth mother was. It had been another family member whom she had come to know over the years. This was, I believe, the very worst situation that would ever happen to us as a couple and to our marriage. If words could ever be used for destructive purposes, this was to be a classic example. This one single event, would have ramifications that even till today, have not been completely dealt with. If you can even imagine two people, attempting to start a fresh life together, with all this hanging over them. Me with this huge loss in my heart, from the death of my mother, and now my wife, with her heart completely shattered, after receiving this news of her true birth. This was a deep pit to crawl out of, and we needed God in our life in a big way. God was all we had, because we both felt, we had lost all support from our families. 39

A new start
We had our wedding in August, 1962 and the two of us started out together in this new adventure. We were fortunate to be able to get a new house and get settled in before starting a family of our own. Our first child was a little girl and Marilyn was thrilled. She seemed to be getting better and was very much in her element with the homemaker role. She enjoyed keeping the house neat and taking the baby for walks around the neighborhood. Three years went by and again we were expecting, this time it was a little boy. We were both thrilled that God had seen fit to give us a girl and a boy, but there still appeared to be some kind of struggle going on with Marilyn. We were still attending church on a regular basis, but Marilyn was struggling with the idea that God could not appear to help her, in her feelings over the situation regarding her adoption. She kept telling me

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that she felt as though she had a hole in her heart, that just would not heal. We kept praying about this, but nothing we did seemed to make things any better. I even began to think we would never get to resolve this problem. I knew this was satan’s way of turning a positive life into a negative, depressed state so he could keep a hold onto you. The fact that her relationship with her adopted mother started to change, because of all this, only made matters worsen. The more questions Marilyn asked, the wider the gap became. Sure enough, it wasn’t very long and Marilyn had an all out breakdown, and had to be hospitalized. I was now left with two small children, one practically a baby, to be taken care of and still trying to support my wife in the hospital. Once more, it seemed that my life was crashing down around me. I can honestly say, that I know why some people turn to alcohol and drugs, when the picture seems so

bleak you cannot foresee any direction that is going to turn this around. Once again, the only thing I knew, was to call upon God to give me the strength and perseverance, to get through all this. I truly loved my wife and would do whatever it was going to take to get past this. With God’s loving support and guidance we managed to weather it out and she came home to be with her family. Much like, when my father came home, I was never certain that she was the same as before all this happened. I believe this is the purpose why God gave me the title for this book. We always seem to call upon Him when we are at our lowest point and we expect God to patch things up for us, so we can get our lives back on track again.

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To suffer or not
Suffering is a part of life that is in God's plan. He expects us to suffer, and at the same time has pledged to us that He will always be there to support and assist us in carrying our burden. God will not see us having more than we can handle. In the proper context, suffering can and should be a positive thing. If a friend called you up and told you their spouse was injured in an accident and they needed you, what would you do. Would you just say, I am sorry but I have tickets to the theatre, could I get back to you tomorrow or would you forego the tickets and tell your friend I will be right there. The human side would want to go to the theatre rather than losing their ticket purchase. This is our ego putting I or me before any one else. The being (spiritual) side of us would go immediately to assist the friend. Our conscious spiritual thought will have us doing what God would do, being there to support another’s

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burden. Even though we miss the theatre, we can get past that. By lifting their burden, they will be strengthened to assist their spouse to get past their suffering. Your strength, added to the strength of your friend, will help lessen the burden of the spouse’s injury. Thus a negative can have a positive side. This is the way God really expects us to live. In Hebrews 3; 12-13, it says “See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”

The message
There are times when God sends us clues and messages that He has a plan for our life and we just need to acknowledge them. This was one of those times. Marilyn and the children had gone away for a few days, to a friends cottage. I seldom read newspapers, but this day I opened a paper to the want ads. An ad for an automotive teacher in Parry Sound appeared to jump off the page at me. I had never before thought about something like this, but I could not get this out of my mind. There was no phone where Marilyn was staying. I jumped into the car and drove up to where she was, so we might discuss this together. I arrived in the middle of the night and scared the life out of them. She thought that something terrible must have happened. I told her I wanted to apply for this job. I think she agreed, just to please me, thinking it would never happen. I had

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an interview and actually got accepted for the job. When we went back to look for a place to live, the only thing available was miles out of town. She told me she could never live so far out of town with two small children. After some discussion and prayer, I decided to turn down the offer. I still believe today, that God had a plan, for me to teach others.

Hard choices
Life continued much as it had been for a while. As we grew as a couple so did my involvement at the church. I had held many different positions within the church organization. The time I was on the committee to select a minister was the ultimate chance to do my best for God. It also turned out to be the most devastating. I knew that all eyes of the church would be on this committee and expectations were high. It was a long process. Eventually it concluded with the minister being hired that Marilyn and myself had recommended. Others had gone to hear him as well, but some where not quite as certain as we had been. He began his ministry and for a few years everything seemed just great. We were quite pleased with the outcome and I felt I had done the best I could have. One day I received a phone call. It was a very close friend, who did not attend our church, but we had

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been close for years. He said that maybe I should pay some attention to the house were the church secretary lived. I knew that she had been having a difficult time recently, but did not fully comprehend what this might entail. I decided to involve another very close church friend that I trusted completely. The two of us staked out, so to speak, the secretary’s house. It was not long and the minister from the church showed up, walking. This in itself should not be unusual, except why would he have to park his car around the corner on the other street instead of right in front of the house. Visits by your clergy, are not unusual, until they begin to look suspicious. When they last for an extended period of time, even that can be legitimate. We maintained this investigation for a number of days and it when on for as long. Upon checking on the schedule for the minister at the church, it appeared he was at some other location when we

thought we saw him here. Of course he was! This ended with him eventually leaving and I was devastated, simply because I shouldered a lot of the blame for bringing him here. I started to pull away from my relationship with the church, as I could not foresee ever having the same feelings about my christian life again. This really tore me away from any personal relationship with God.

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Understanding
Years went by after the episode at the church, and I settled into the job that I currently had, being fairly satisfied with my life. During this period, we seemed to be living more, for the lifestyle that our friends were living, instead of the christian life we should have. I say this, because a lot of our friends were Christians, but the lives they were living, left me questioning what a true christian life really was. A lot of them smoked, drank and partied up a storm. This did not seem right to me. I talked to Marilyn about this and we started to draw even further away from our church. This only made matters worse, because we now had virtually no reason, to remain close with God at all. During this entire period of my life I had always felt that I understood what a christian life was all about. I was so far off that it was incredible. I knew who God was, but did not understand what God was all about.

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I realize today that first comes knowledge, then understanding, and then wisdom. If you miss the understanding part, the knowledge just becomes useless information, that you do not use for God’s work. I have missed out on so many of God’s messages because I did not understand what the message was all about. That had been the case, in the first instance, were I did not accept the teaching job that God had brought to me. I will show you later were he does not give up on this scenario of teaching. Another example of God’s intervention, was the time I had been really suffering greatly with tiredness, headaches, and unable to concentrate on anything. It had actually gotten so bad, that when I woke up in the morning and got out of bed, I would collapse to the floor. I had no idea what was wrong with me. My doctor told me I was just working too much.

While at work one day, there was a program on the radio, in the work area outside my office. I could hear the conversation of the individuals, and I said to myself, that just sounds like me. From what they were describing, it was exactly the same symptoms that I had been suffering with. This was newly discovered, and was called Sleep Apnea. I called my doctor’s office and asked them to get me some information on this subject. They had not heard of it, but were willing to look into it. The very next day they called me with a date for an appointment at Toronto Western hospital. Most people were waiting up to six months for their appointment. I had my visit within less than a month. After the examination and test results, I had a breathing machine within a few weeks. The results had showed that I stopped breathing two hundred times an hour and they were quite shocked I had not had a stroke by this time already. Here again God

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had intervened before things got to a point of no return. If you think that I was very thankful to God for what He had done, try again. I went home from the hospital and found so much energy, that I was taking on all kinds of jobs I could not do before I got the CPAP machine. This went on for a number of years in this fashion and I began to slide even further away from God. I thought I was doing all this by myself and did not need any one else. Sound familiar! I had decided to throw myself into my job, just to find something with meaning. There was a lot of pressure being placed upon me, at my work, to perform at a very high level. I had not lost my christian beliefs completely, but there was no place for them at the work place. Many times I would be criticized by my superior for, as they said, “wearing my heart on my sleeve”. This did not make my life with God any easier.

My employer had made the decision to computerize the ordering process within the division that I supervised. I was selected to work with the computer company to assist the design of all the necessary documents, for the various departments. I helped to design and develop the training manual for the departments. I was involved in the actual training throughout all the departments that would use the system. I really was enjoying this and believed this was the thing that God had set up for me to do. I lost the first teaching position that came my way. Now I was being given another opportunity to show what I could do. Even through all of this, I had slipped to the point of believing this was all working out because I was that good on my own.

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The Decision
Working for sixty hours and being paid for only thirty seven an a half will eventually take it’s toll on anyone. I went on living this way for quite a while, until one Friday night in February, 1999. After dinner, I was watching television with two of my grand children. Suddenly I had an unusual feeling in my chest. It did not feel painful, so I was not scared and just shrugged it off. It did not go away, and I started to get concerned. I told Marilyn that I felt I should go to emergency at the hospital and get checked out. She agreed and I got a ride to the hospital with my cousin. When I arrived at the emergency department and described the symptoms, they immediately put me in a bed and connected the intravenous items. Within an hour of this time I felt the pain in my chest starting and I knew I was having a heat attack. The pain became unbearable and it felt like I was being

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pushed right through the gurney. I was certain in my mind I would hit the floor. The technicians were administering nitroglycerin via the intravenous system. Immediately my head felt it was going to explode, with the pain from the nitroglycerin. I could not tell which pain was more intense. They said they were doing all they could. I do not know how long this went on, but I was certain I was going to die. I began to pray to God and ask Him what were my chances of survival. I said, that if this was my time then I was fully prepared to go with Him. Then I said, “if for any reason, you have something else that I have not completed, then tell me and I will do whatever it is you ask. My life is yours, to do whatever you decide to do”, and with that I blacked out. During this time period, how long I am not sure, I remember being taken someplace that I can only describe this way. There was nothing there, but

blackness and complete silence. I would have to believe that only a person with no sight and no hearing would be experiencing this same feeling. The worst part of this experience was the feeling of complete aloneness. You could not see another person or hear another sound, the only sound was the beating of your own heart. I was not even certain of that either. If this was not heaven, and I knew it was not anyplace I had seen on earth. Surely this was hell. I woke up, it was the next day and immediately I knew what decision God had made for me. You just cannot imagine how thankful to God I was at this moment. Once the staff realized I was awake, the doctor came in to see me here in the intensive care unit. The doctor told me, “he did not know how I was still here”, because most patients with an attack this severe do not usually make it. He also told me that if I had not come into the hospital when I did,

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I certainly would not have made it from home. Later that day they took me for an ultra sound of my heart. It showed me where I had lost approximately ten percent of my heart muscle. The artery had become completely blocked. I told the doctors that God had been with me and it was His choice that I came through this. When the surgeon told me later that day, surgery would not guarantee my having a complete recovery and not living with limitations, I decided not to have it and in a couple of days was signed out of the hospital. My reason for refusing the surgery came from weighing the risk of having surgery and the life I could have without it. I could not see going through surgery for no added benefit, if I could make my own changes for more benefit. When it came time to see my family doctor, his advice was “that I would need a complete lifestyle change or I would most certainly have another heart attack”.

I went home from his office, called my employer, and said “I would not be back”. I enquired, would a small pension be possible? We also put our house up for sale. We knew we could not afford to stay living here in Mississauga. We went up to our trailer at Huntsville, Ont. to think about our future. While we were there, Marilyn drove down a street she had never been on before and saw a house for sale. We got an appointment to see it and ended up buying it. My heart attack was in February and by the end of August, I had left my job, sold our house and moved to Huntsville. That was the craziest summer my family had ever spent, but it was not to be the worst. Once we got settled in, we found a lot more work than we imagined. In a short time period my personal health started to feel pretty good. I questioned how, with all the problems that I experienced, I could feel this good. I gather this goes back to what I said in the beginning

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about were we live having an impact on our health. I know so many people, that have had bad heart experiences and live in fear for quite some time, just waiting for the other shoe to drop and

willing to give us the maximum benefits from this plan. This would be like working for somebody for about 20 years and robbing them all during this period. Then be dumbfounded when we get fired just before we are about to retire. Quite often, God’s plan for us, as in my case, never really comes to a true understanding until later in our life. If we chose to ignore a lot of the earlier lessons, it’s because we were so absorbed in our own negative defeatism. Then how do we manage to blame God for our misery? God wants us to be positive and happy, as this is His whole goal in our relationship. Once we figure this out, what a different outlook we get for the world around us.

they are finished. This is such a negative, deep seeded position to overcome, some times people actually cause it to happen. If we are willing to accept the fact that it did happen and we have very little control over it happening again, any more than we did the first time. We can do many things to control our diet, physical health, lifestyle and all the other things that influence how we live. We can also put our faith in God, that He will do everything He can for us, as long as we are doing everything we can for Him. It is very difficult for a lot of people to accept that God really does have a plan for our life. He does not want to cut that plan short, but when we do so many things against His plan and fall into Satan’s trap, why should He be

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Starting over
When first arriving in Huntsville, we had not been attending church, while we tried to settle in. Eventually we went to a church which was the same as the type we left behind us. We knew very quickly, this was not going to work, as not one person tried to make us feel welcome. One day, while eating out at Harvey’s, we met old friends from our past (another God moment). They too had moved to Huntsville and were attending the Faith Baptist church. They suggested we join them the following Sunday, we did. Once again, I see today, this too was part of what God was planning for our lives. He needed us to attend this church, so He could get us the training we would need, as well as meet the people that would shape our lives for later on. While we enjoyed the church, we got very involved in the community. I would go out and do small repair

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jobs for people, that might not other wise be able to pay someone. Doing this was very rewarding to me, especially when you saw how people really appreciated what you did for them. This too was an answer to their prayers. I most especially remember one instance that will stay with me forever. It started out when I got a message, a lady living out of town, literally in the bush, had a house with no door on the kitchen. Now in itself, this does not sound like a desperate situation, but you will see how it was to her. You have to understand that not everyone is living in the same situation in our world. Sometime those of us living a decent way of life, often forget that others out there may not be as well off. This does not mean that these individuals, do not deserve the same benefits from God that we get. The little cabin had a country porch added on to the wall were the kitchen door was and the porch was not heated. You also need to understand that

minus forty degrees Celsius in the winter is not uncommon here. It was already winter, when I decided to begin this particular job, of installing the door on the kitchen. The church had agreed to donate the door if I did the labor. The lady had left for work before I arrived and explained were to get the key to let myself in. I opened up the cabin and proceeded ahead with the job. Within an hour, a storm hit the area and it was freezing rain. I had started off working outside, on her front porch, but quickly had to move my tools into my vehicle. I had to go in and out to my vehicle to do the work, and the ice was starting to build up on everything, making work extremely difficult. There were moments when I contemplated just giving up, but knew God wanted this finished. I completed the work around mid afternoon. As I cleaned up my tools I saw that my vehicle had built up about a half inch of ice all over it. It took almost

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an hour of cleaning to get were I could drive the car. Now I had to face the roads. Remember I am back in the bush with no help and no cell phone. I drove down the icy roads and prayed to God for safety, all the way home. That night I answered the phone and some one was crying on the other end. I did not understand what was going on. Finally a voice on the other end said she wanted to thank me so much for the new door. This was the first time she was able to cook her dinner without wearing her coat inside to keep her warm. The appreciation in her voice was all I needed to hear, to make it all worth while. God had answered another prayer! While attending this Baptist church, we had both gotten baptized and had started going to regular bible study groups. All the while doing this there was still the question in the back of my mind as to what God really had in mind for me. We made many

friends in the neighborhood and really enjoyed spending time with these people. Little did we know then, this simple gesture of making friends with new people was to be our training for our future programs with God.

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The worst “pit” yet
In 2005 things started to unravel for our lives again. Seems just as the high would come, so would the lows. We had two sheltie dogs when we came too Huntsville. In the month of May, our male dog took sick with cancer and had to be put down. This was very tough on both of us. We had not done anything like this for many years, and the dog was only eight. At the end of May, Marilyn’s mother took ill and passed away very quickly. This took a huge toll on Marilyn as her parents were both living in Port Credit, four hours away. After the service we stayed with her father to help clean up his house and property. This took most of the summer and I had to call upon our neighbors back home to care for our own house. This showed us how much these people thought of us, as they pitched in without any question. Marilyn’s father decided he wanted to sell

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his house and move in with either of his daughters. Marilyn wanted him to come with us. She saw that he might not take care of himself if left on his own and his health was beginning to fail also. With my own health not one hundred percent, all this travelling back and forth and the heavy work involved, I started to feel pretty worn out myself. I had been in the hospital in Huntsville for a routine examination of my stomach for too much stomach acid, (you think), and during the examination the doctor went beyond the stomach into the duodenum. Well, he discovers a tumor growing in there and I am scheduled later, to have it removed at St. Michael’s hospital in Toronto. When it comes time for the surgery at Toronto, they ask me how did we happen to find this, at such a location. It was situated such that it could seal off the pancreas fluid exit and I could have died from pancreatitus. It was by accident I say, but today I know

that God had taken the doctor to this place. As I am waiting to go into surgery, I am introduced to a doctor who is doing the operation, what a surprise. It is not my doctor, but a doctor from New York city. He is the best in the world to have successfully done this operation many times. He pioneered this routine when he worked at St. Michael’s and now was here to operate on me, as he is the best for the job. What grace God has when He goes to these lengths just for someone like me, an ordinary man. The surgery was being telivised by satellite around the world, as a teaching program. Sound familiar, God and the teaching aspect again! We had an opportunity, to enjoy Marilyn’s father with us, for a little over five months. He had severe health problems and Marilyn found she just did not have the strength to take care of certain physical aspects that had to be performed. So with God’s help I offered to do these things for him in her place.

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I found this somewhat difficult, but with God helping me, I got through it. Now, while we were having our own personal struggles, my sister closest to me by age found out her husband had a very rapid cancer diagnosis. Struggling with this by herself, she needed someone to look too for help, hence here I go again. I was very appreciative that our youngest sister was able to jump in and lend a hand, as I was starting to feel that life itself was starting to overpower me. I was calling out to God every night for the strength to survive this debilitating time. When we got the call that my brother-in-law was doing poorly, we felt it best to get down to Orillia and visit him. We had only just driven back home to Huntsville and that evening the call came that he had passed away. This shock in itself was bad, but then Marilyn’s dad had to go into the hospital and also passed away two days after my brother-in-law. Here

we are, now having to run between Orillia and Huntsville for two funerals at the same time. God’s love and grace most certainly was upon us at this time or we would never have survived the whole ordeal. This whole year 2005 had been one of the most trying periods in our lives. If a test of your strength and faith in God was ever to be challenged, this was the year it happened. We could never have made it without God there by our side, leading us onward. He even had a plan to help us recover from all this when some friends invited us to join them in Destin, Florida. They had contacted their rental owner to see if she had an empty unit for a few weeks and she did. This was the beginning of my relationship full time with God.

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A relationship develops
Once we got to Florida we discovered a marvelous church, called Village Baptist. We began to meet christian snowbirds at the church and I joined in on the Saturday morning bible study for men. These people came from all over the USA and Canada. It certainly opened our eyes to all different aspects of christianity that we had never seen before this. It was almost as if the whole teaching of our christian life had been in a vacuum. The outpouring of grace from these strangers to us was overwhelming. Stu Nelson the pastor in charge of the snowbirds was like no one we had ever met in our lives. Between him and Miss Nancy, as they called her, they shared a love for God that we had never seen before this time. We came home from there that year, with a renewed feeling about life that was almost more than we could contain. This was really great, until we arrived back home and I suppose like anything else all good

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news isn’t shared the same way by everyone. I wanted to share the way I felt with everyone around us, but some just were not ready for me. Good news wasn’t all that we came home with that first year. I had injured my knee on the beach and when I arrived home, had to go to Orillia for orthoscopic surgery that summer. God took care of me again and I had the surgery very quickly, instead of waiting in pain for months till it happened. We found that, half way through our summer, all we could think of was getting back to Florida and seeing all the people again. I have now learned that just because a person calls themselves an “evangelical”, they may not be “evangelistic”. The difference being that, an evangelical christian can proclaim the gospel of salvation and then just ends the conversation and moves on, whereas an evangelistic christian will proclaim the gospel and then wants to stick around

and talk and pray with you. This is neither, right or wrong on anyone’s part, just a differing of persons and their approach. As the winter came closer, so did the time for our next vacation. The situation with me having a weak knee after the surgery, started us thinking about perhaps moving into a bungalow. We did not find anything we liked that well, so we started negotiations with a builder, to have a brand new house built. We paid him a deposit for the land and would negotiate the balance when we returned home from our winter vacation. We agreed to place our home for sale, when we got back, and this would give us roughly six weeks to firm up our deal. We had always wanted to take our family to Walt Disney World on a family vacation and this was the year we had chosen. Arrangements had been made for us to drive down early and all the kids and grand kids would fly down a day or so later. We looked so

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much for this to be a wonderful time to share with our whole family together, as this is very often a once in a lifetime opportunity. Well, the surgery I had, left me with a slight weak knee. I could not walk for long distances, and the heat would get to me if I stayed out for a long period in the sun. My family arranged for a wheel chair, to help me out with the walking but, unfortunately I missed a lot of the events, due to going back to the motel and lying down in the afternoon. Overall it was a great vacation with the kids, with one exception. This one afternoon I lined up for the big parade, in a special section for all the wheelchairs. All the kids were with us and it was a little crowded, when just as the parade almost gets to our location, my wife decides to give me a better view. She moved the wheelchair, which could not go anywhere due to the crowd, and she shoved me over the curb and I spilled

out onto the road, right in front of the parade people. She and all the kids burst out in laughter, while people rushed to pick me up as I am carrying a video camera and other items. I was not thrilled and this was, of course, the conversation for the rest of the vacation. We left there and arrived in Destin again and took up right were we left off. This year was to be very different, when we signed up for a class with the senior pastor at the church. His name was Steven Davies, and I knew from the very start that I would be changed in some form after this vacation. We thoroughly enjoyed his course, and I spent many an afternoon being able to just drop into his office to have a conversation about God. He did tell me that, I had to learn to hold back a little on my approach to people. He said that I came at them like a bowling ball going for a strike, instead of just wanting to get their attention.

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That winter was the time that God asked me to write this book and I believed this to be a joke on me and tried to just let it go. God did not joke around, in this case and when He wanted something done, it just would not leave your head. He tossed every kind of message at me until finally I said, OK. I did not complete a lot of work on the book, that first winter, but did get off to a good start. Pastor Stu was looking for some men to help with a program that helped people from the church who had terminal illnesses. The man’s name was Mike and he had cancer. I went with some other fellows to where his workshop had been. We thought it would be at his home, but it turned out to be his business, and we were going to clean it all out, ready for auction. I had never done anything like this before and what made it even worse for me was the fact, they actually brought him there to tell us what to keep and let go. As we worked through the day, I had an opportunity

to speak with Mike about how he was handling his illness and what he thought for his future. A sadness started to come over me and yet, at the same time, knowing that he was all right with this seemed to make it ok. I felt sad because, this was this man’s entire life here before us and some of it was kept and some went in the trash. How do we make these kinds of decisions? He was very clear that he knew he was dying and his relationship with God at this time was one that I had never discussed with anyone before. A couple of weeks later we went to his home and did a big cleanup in his yard, so that his wife would not have to do it later. Again the opportunity to sit and talk with him arose, and he was one of the strongest persons I had ever met. At noon that day, Stu’s wife came with food for everyone, and even she was fighting a cancer illness. This whole matter of people with such strength from God just blew me

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away. If this does not change a person, nothing will. The two of us, Marilyn and I, shared a lot of fun times with our friends, Canadian and American, and it was soon time to go back home.

Even bigger decisions
We arrived back in Huntsville, mid to late March, and contacted the real estate broker to put the house up for sale. Knowing the price of the new home gave us a place to start, with our asking price for the current house. We waited with eager anticipation for the offers to come in, as the date to start digging the new foundation, was only a little over a month away. The weeks seemed to go by, like a rocket heading to the moon, and not one offer had been placed with the agent. We started to get concerned as the third week passed, and called the builder for a meeting. We explained to him that, if the price of our old house had to be lowered, it would place a bigger burden on the payment of the new house. He told us there was no room to adjust his price and it was pretty much set. We left that meeting very dejected, as this did not seem to be going as we had hoped it would.

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After praying about it all night, we called the builder back in the morning, and asked if we could get out of the deal and have our deposit back. He agreed to this and said he was quite sorry things did not appear to be working for us. While we were at his office, picking up our cheque, two phone calls came to our answering machine for people to look at the house. We knew immediately that God had not wanted us to have this new house, as it would have been too big a burden to carry it. That afternoon, our neighbors came over for coffee, to console us. They knew how badly we had wanted to have the new house built and saw the hurt that we were suffering. They brought a magazine for us to read and I had tossed it on the coffee table, it opened up to a page were an advertisement for an adult living community was printed. Later when Marilyn came by she saw the advertisement and started to read it. She called me in to ask

me if I had read this and I had not. We were sitting with our house for sale and no were to go, so she said let’s call them and get an appointment. She was especially interested because the area for this community was only thirty minutes from our kids address. We came to Freelton the next week, and fell in love with the community, and put in a conditional offer right then. Over the summer we had offers three different times and each time we felt we would be moving, they all fell through for various reasons. We had been dropping our price each time and were now at a point that even getting this new house looked like it might not happen. The very first offer we got was a cash offer and the people had come in ridiculously low, but at this point, even that offer was starting to look like a possibility. We prayed about this again and I told Marilyn that now “it was about the moving, not getting our price”. If God had lead us to

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this new place, then we had to go regardless about the cost. We called up the first couple and they were still interested, so we accepted their offer and sold it for sixty thousand dollars below our original asking price. All the documents were prepared and signed for a cash deal, and a few days later, after we had firmed up the deal on the new house, the lady tried to cancel the deal at Huntsville. This process had just about worn us out over the summer, as so many times we thought we were going and they fell through, this was almost too much for my wife. I could see the strain coming on her, just like it had the other time, she had been hospitalized and it scared the life out of me. We let the lawyer’s work it out and carried on with our plans to go. Many of our church friends kept saying we were not meant to go, but I was positive God would come through for us, I never gave up hope.

The movers that we had arranged now wanted to charge us by weight, not the load, and it was going to be more than we could afford. It seemed that all was falling apart in our life again, until a christian friend who did auctions said he could move us. Another christian friend called us and offered to move all my shop equipment from the garage, this was all the heavy stuff which had ran up the other price. These offers were an answer to our prayers and we wanted to leave so bad by now, we left a week before the old house closed, just to get out of there. We finally got moved, in a couple of trips and our neighbors called the next Saturday. The old house closed on the Friday, and Saturday had a “for sale” sign on it. What a blessing it was to see the end of that. Of course, everyone that knew us, thought we had lost the deal again and the calls were pouring in to console us. We just chuckled and thanked God for

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taking care of all our problems for us. It had been tough to leave our very close neighbors that we had come to love dearly, but we were keeping in touch by phone as often as possible. We knew that God had now brought us to the next phase of our journey with Him.

The answer to the question
It was the first Tuesday in October, 2007, when we arrived at our new home in Antrim Glen adult community. There was an awful lot of work to do, just to get settled in and we did not know a single person there, (or so we thought). After a solid week of work, I told Marilyn we had to get out and look around the community. Marilyn went to the ladies bible study on the next Monday and I was planning to go to the men’s study on Thursday. A neighbor lady around the corner, Elizabeth asked Marilyn to come to the couples study on Tuesday nights. She was not sure if I would go so she said, “I’ll let you know”. That Tuesday morning a knock at the door, revealed Elizabeth wanting to know my answer. Marilyn looked at me and we said, yes. That night as we entered the home of the couple hosting the study, Marilyn screams out, ”I know you”! It seems that she had attended the same high school with this

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couple back in Port Credit were we had lived. From there, things have just grown incredibly for us, with God performing all these things that just keep making us more comfortable in this place every day. It is now for certain, that God’s plan for us, was to be brought to this community. We have been back to Florida since moving and this year we are staying in a new place, right on the ocean. This is on the fourth floor and the view is incredible, dolphins swimming past, sunrises, sunsets, etc. I have spent most of the holiday reading, and writing my own book. I read five books this winter, it was almost like I could not get enough information. My own book is more than half completed. When we left home to come down to Florida, our pet dog seemed to be getting sick. Over the vacation she got much worse, we left a week early to go home, as I would not leave her down there. One week after

getting home she passed on. Another phase of our lives seemed to be coming to a close, with this our last pet. Our new family doctor wanted to get a new reading on all my medical problems. I was scheduled for an angeogram and the day of, was told it was impossible, too blocked up for stints. I was then scheduled for a triple bypass surgery, but it to was canceled due mainly to the amount of risk involved. I will not be physically capable of going through the tumor operation either, (it grew back) unless I have the heart surgery first. At this time, I am of the belief that God is intending to look after me from here on. I had already made the decision in 1999 to give my entire life over to God and now am still living a positive life, with the help from God and will live within my limitations. The greatest outlook I have right now is, knowing that I have a relationship with God that is very

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meaningful and I get to spend as much time as I have with my wife, doing what we want. A genuine relationship is one that is not dominated by the ego, with its image making and self-seeking. In a genuine relationship, there is an outward flow of open, alert attention toward the other person, in which there is no wanting whatsoever. The “alert attention”, is Presence. My desire is that this book has opened your mind to God and may have had some small impact on your life.

Acknowlegement
I want to acknowledge the two people that really showed me the way to communicate with God. The first person was an individual named Mike Tracy, who I met in Florida. Mike was dying of cancer and taught me what it was to really trust God even though you knew that your time here was limited. He showed me a strength that I had never understood before. He was living in peace even through all his pain. I felt he was an amazing person. Secondly, Pastor Steven Davies, of Village Baptist church, for the short time I knew him, was a great mentor to me. He taught me to allow myself to gain control of the feeling for God that I had now, and not knock people over with my enthusiasm. Our afternoon discussions gave me a whole new insight into our God. I cannot thank him enough for all he did for me. This book is dedicated to these two individuals, in thanks and memorial.

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