edition 3, 2010

student ‘poverty‘ be James Bond at work 15 months hostage: Nigel Brennan

attraction: it’s evolutionary

PLUS: cassette kids, oscar sexism, gold digging, sport misdemeanours, nuclear love, eating in vs eating out

you need to register NOW for the Michael Kirby Plain Speaking Competition.000 Think you’ve got the pubic speaking skills worthy of Michael Kirby? Well.usuonline.MICHAEL KIRBY PLAIN SPEAKING COMPETITION YOUR GIFT OF THE GAB COULD WIN YOU $1. Heats from 10am 27th. 28th & 29th April Two divisions available to enter: Open or English as a Second Language (ESL) Reading Room & Common or return it to The ACCESS Desk. 3 / THE BULL www. Holme Building To register. download the Registration Form from Registrations close Friday 16th April .com and email it to kirby@usu.

com THE BULL / ed.. ideas.usuonline. coooool! Page 20 Do we really need two Oscars? Page 28 Nigel Brennan talks about his 15 months as hostage in Somalia Regulars 3: News 4: Columns 7: Extra 8-9: What’s on 15: Interview: Mark Danner 24-25: Campus Chatter 31: Campus Profile: Conservatives 33: Travel 34: Sport 35: Food & Booze 36: Environment 37: Sci & Tech 38: Entertainment 40-41: Reviews 42: Mindgames 43: Humour 46: Caught on Campus SUBMIT YOURSELF TO THE BULL! Send in your articles. 3 . Alisha Bhojwani. Hamilton Hill. ravings and innappropriate racist manifestos to The Bull.. Alistair Stephenson. Alissa Nasti. Rhys Latham. This publication is brought to you by the University of Sydney Union and The University of Sydney 28 33 34 Features Page 10 Rules of Attraction Page 16 Are students really poor? Page 18 How to be an office The views in this publication are not necessarily the views of USU. Lucasz Swiatek. reviews. Ellen Smith. Design Carl Ahearn Publications Manager Chris Beaumont www. Ellie Scott.3 contents 10 15 16 18 20 Editors Bronwyn Cowell Nara “Raven” Dakota Patrick Effeney Daniel Swain Richard Warwick Contributors Anthony Faisandier. Michael Koziol. rantings. We’want it bad! 36 usubull2010@gmail. The information contained within this edition of The Bull was correct at the time of printing.

rather than as innovators or creators – a role the SRC President said belongs to students. Dr Spence said the University felt compelled to step in because the USU was running a “loss-making” commercial operation and that the The VC answers questions from students concerned over the future of the University. a very full Manning Bar played host to an interactive information session about the recently released University Green Paper. making statements and fielding questions were Vice-Chancellor Dr Michael Spence. SUPRA President Nick Irving meanwhile expressed concern about the apparent lack of regard the Green Paper gave to postgraduate students gaining their degree by coursework. No doubt everyone at Manning Bar that afternoon agreed. Dr Spence also revealed his proposition for the funding of the Union and other campus organisations such as the SRC. Again. several students took the opportunity to question the VC on other aspects of the Green Paper. sustainability measures on campus. all were directed to the VC. hand on heart” in favour of ensuring student activities and programs are entirely student-run. or the criteria to decide on the distribution of funding was not mentioned however. ONLY WAITED 2 MINUTES FOR THE NOODLES TO BOIL The National Union of Students (NUS) held two major events on campuses across Australia at the end of March. talked about the administrative duplication occurring within the University and the way that both excessively strict (Science) and excessively loose (Arts) degree structures leave students with reduced choice and insufficient training for the workplace. All students would do well to familiarise themselves with that detail and make their opinions and interests known. including how a University takeover would affect studentcontrol of the Union and also the rumours of the VC’s apparent desire to restrict alcohol on as long as they don’t harm others”. He said students “can come to the bar and consume as much alcohol as they want. SRC President Elly Howse and Sydney University Postgraduate Representative Association (SUPRA) President Nick Irving. Union President Patrick Bateman. well attended Noodle Day. How large a percentage. He said grouping academic structures within ‘colleges. However. more in-depth discussion. which the Union have been doing well for 135 years”. (The VC noted. but was unable to give a firm The Green Paper is available on the University’s website. and then strongly dispelled the myth that his views were “puritan” when it came to alcohol. the forum was perhaps too short. At the University of Sydney 700 students queued along the front lawns to get a steaming cup of noodles. Dr Spence also spoke of a desire to streamline the administrative structure of the University. ed.usyd. but had raised concerns over violent and demeaning behaviour that could result.’ (for example. Dr Spence said he had never made a comment about wanting to restrict consumption. 3 / THE BULL www. but it was the University who rebuffed a joint-decision making partnership on the selection of tenants. THE UNION AND FUTURE OF SYDNEY UNI quality of outlets was inadequate for the needs of the campus. the turnout and diversity of concerns raised indicated a strong interest in the University’s future from the student body and the need for further. It seems that while students are more than willing to chow down on free snacks. In reply. The VC said he believed money for the organisations should be allocated as a percentage of the teaching and learning budget of the University. He did mention that most of the issues raised were symptomatic of the aforementioned duplication in administration As an exercise in enlightenment and disambiguation. The VC. Bateman then noted how the University and the Union had been in negotiation for some time on the issue of retail and catering control. however as Elly pointed out it’s not particularly accessible. Questions from the floor were predictably concerned with ongoing issues at the University.supra. it’s a University and any publication outlining a broad vision will necessarily be a formidable volume). in his main address. which maps out the University’s direction for the next five years. SUPRA and SU Sport. First came the well-publicised. with only half and hour dedicated to questions from the floor. The VC described Sydney as an institution with a fierce devotion to academic excellence and the development of the mind. however the student representatives on stage were unable to engage in the discussion beyond their opening addresses. Elly Howse talked about how students actively advocate their interests in response to the Green Paper. including declining face-to-face learning .4 USU NEWS GREEN PAPER FORUM SPECIAL VC TALKS ABOUT GREEN PAPER. Bateman questioned the motivations of the University and asked why “a serious institution like the University would want to run bars and food outlets. He also aired concerns about the proposal to lengthen the duration of a PhD. rather than research. The purpose of this carb-loaded activism was to get its attendees energised about the National Day of Action the following week. they’re less keen on changing the system. and the dearth of services for international students despite the higher price paid for courses. USyd’s protest march peaked at 70 participants. Understandably. Several students in the audience told the VC of their fear that a University takeover of the operations arm of the USU would undermine its independence and consequently cripple its ability to provide non-academic student services. Students can access a summary produced by SUPRA on their website. On stage. Beyond the issues concerning the Union. the VC did not give any practical indication what University control would entail. www. of the most contentious topics of the afternoon. There were further questions relating to the USU’s future. Dr Spence said he was “one hundred per cent. the VC agreed with all the concerns raised. meanwhile addressed the proposed University takeover of food. as well as a preoccupation with putting ideas into action and engaging with the real world. but the sticking points are in the detail. under the ‘Events’ tab. Ms Howse said University senior management should act as “facilitators” for the ongoing discussion. Just before this edition of The Bull went to print. a college of arts and sciences) would help ameliorate these two problems. Union President Patrick Bateman. drink and retail outlets on campus from the USU .usuonline.

PALM will see several thousands of dollars worth of prizes awarded for outstanding student works of Photography. and that’s why it exists. All have been inspirational and have provided a student experience hitherto unavailable to students on this campus. student run Patrick Bateman President. Send articles on any subject. we just want more time with our groupies. had sex. did not go unnoticed (or unharmed – someone took a sledge hammer to it one weekend). consider Taste Baguette. For while the University has other excellent galleries and museums. this is your chance. Ann Stephens. However opportunities abound for other student artists and also alumni. there’s an Election coming up on Wednesday 12 May. Midterms are over. Currently Verge is showing an exciting and important exhibition that’s mounted in collaboration with Tin Sheds and The University Gallery. and music. A highlight of the festival is the PALM awards – this year celebrating their 50th anniversary. Mirror Mirror closes on May 1.usuonline. literature. Taking away food and beverage from the USU will mean that these spaces will now be occupied by the University. The Verge Gallery is open every week day between noon and 3pm: check it and click on the ‘Get Involved’ tab. for any section. Alistair Cowie Director Member Services. USU O I www. Also. and ensuring that their academic staff are well supported? This whole proposal seems at odds with the rest of the Green Paper. many of whom are keen to return to their artistic roots. For more information go to www. Patrick. Verge has brought an incredible eight shows to the University community – the majority of which have been not just student focused. It was fantastic to see so many students (and staff) there armed with great questions for Dr Spence. and caused old ladies to make noise complaints. The editors are getting carpal tunnel syndrome from writing and need you to send in some stuff (ha ha. I’m dubious that the University’s proposal is motivated by a bona fide desire to make the food on campus better. and we’ll be thrilled to have a read and see if it fits the magazine. After all. Bron. In other news. especially So You Think You Can Dance? [HOLY SHIT I LOVE THAT SHOW! . Coming soon is the Verge Arts Festival. crawled through mud. which states that the Uni wants to ‘shift responsibility for [USU] food and beverage and retail outlets to the University’. Raven. whether it should be a common space or a student gallery. the Vice Chancellor visited Manning Bar on the invitation of the USU. Reading your words with love. where you will be choosing the next five Directors on the Union Board. which means everyone is losing interest in uni and turning to other sources of entertainment. So far this semester. if you vote you’ll also get a $5 food voucher to use at any USU food outlet on the day. curated by the University’s Senior Curator. SRC and SUPRA to answer questions about the Green Paper (see News opposite page). The Bull is running its first four-page spread. but student developed and curated as well. and there’s a nice lull before the frenzy of Stuvac. Daniel and Richard editor's note president's report n Wednesday 14 April. Art.Raven]. Oh well. send submissions to usubull2010@gmail. Since August 2009. which otherwise offers some excellent proposals around these areas. So lunch is on us! Keep student life. Anyway. Here at the Union. To honour our collective attention drift. Anyway. its guns pointed at Student Admin. don’t go to Somalia. we were rebuffed. The Bull loves publishing student work. some people can’t be helped. Attraction is the name of the game.. consider Parma. The boring students studied. And when we offered the University 50/50 inclusion in a joint decision making body for choosing tenants. And if that’s not incentive enough. but yeah.5 W elcome to Edition 3. We’re also interviewing the latest smug band to start getting airplay and examining the seedy truth behind student poverty and sexist Oscars. It sucks. Gallery manager Christine Morrow (formerly of the Museum of Contemporary Art) has a passion for the development of young artists. For you keen students still attending lectures. Mirror Mirror. The less interesting ones watched TV. shouldn’t the University be more concerned with making sure that the quality of teaching and learning is the best it can be? Shouldn’t they concentrate on class sizes. there are already huge steps being made by us to ensure that food on campus is better: consider Azzurri. just ask Nigel THE BULL / ed. It was particularly good to see that a lot of the questions focused on page 77 of the Green Paper. looks at the use of mirrors in art from the 1960s to now. We are nearing the end of semester 1. we’ve including a helpful guide to a possibly lucrative. Instead of leasing prime JFR/City Road real estate to a bank or shoe shop. possibly illegal job: office snoop. We will no longer be able to decide whether it’s a sandwich bar or whether it’s a student lounge. If you want to have a say in the direction of Australia’s oldest and biggest student union. Some works have been controversial – the tank made of filing cabinets. shot guns. we share your concern. The Verge Gallery provides and outstanding opportunity for students to develop and deliver their artistic voices and messages. 3 . I urge you to vote.usuonline. were so now’s the time to send in submissions. we opened a student focused art gallery: The Verge Gallery. and that the students will no longer have a say in how these spaces are run. it’d be nice if you did our work for us). and the winners receive all the sex they can manhandle… and good immune systems or something like that. USU student programs n 2009 The Union chose to make a very bold statement. stalked people. none is devoted to the display of student works. Students from the SCA are a particularly vital source of work with SCA dedicated exhibitions scheduled throughout the year. the interesting students got drunk. went on holiday. You’ll also be able to vote on a referendum on Fair Trade coffee in USU outlets.

com . Literature and Music awards $13.500 in cash to be won Applications OPEN . 3 / THE BULL www. Register online NOW at www.usuonline.Photography.Friday 13 August ed.Friday 28 May and CLOSE .usuonline.

000 workers died during the building of the Panama Canal. Jack Nicklaus Q3. the Botany Lawns Wednesdays and Thursdays 12 – 2pm and 6:30 – 8:30pm on Wednesdays in Manning Square. Did you know: Access Card holders can get 20% off Travel and selected Non-Fiction Titles. and approximately 20. Jason Taylor C. During this time. Carwichet A pun. Tiger Woods. Who holds the record for the most points scored in an NRL game? A. In an insane world. was the only thing that measured up. Last edition.usuonline.000 of them contracted malaria and yellow fever. Michael Schumacher C. Tiger Woods Answers on page 42 Confabulate Unconsciously replace fact with fantasy in one’s memory. Roger Federer D. anyone for donuts?” Trivia Sports Q1. this machine. Terry Campese D. laugh or take a bath. We neglected to mention that poi is in fact run on campus! SURCAS run training in poi. The terminator wouldn’t stop. C. The winner will be announced in the next edition. Use these for your next date! You were already going to fail anyway. it would never leave him. this thing. And it would die to protect him.” Sarah Connor. Who has won the most Laureus awards? Last edition’s winner: Alex Giudice “Sew. You can catch them on the Sunken lawns Mondays 12 – 2pm. Ben Hogan D. Which NSW Waratah scored their first Super Rugby try in their 100th game recently? A.. Who was the top wicket taker in the 2009 Ashes series? A. Send your caption suggestions and WIN a $50 Co-Op Bookshop voucher!! Put it towards your semester 2 text book purchase or select something from their product range at the Co-op Bookshop. Darryl Halligan B. everyone in the empire was forbidden to dine with his family. Adam Freier B. www. Stranger than Fiction? Did you know? ??? Roman Emperor Caligula was so upset by the death of his sister Drusila that he imposed a year of mourning. it was the sanest choice. Of all the would-be fathers that came over the Include your name and contact details. It would never hurt him or shout at him or get drunk and hit him or say it was too busy to spend time with him. Cacography Bad spelling or handwriting. or fire dancing. a hoaxing question or conundrum. Sam Snead B. Stuart Broad B. The penalty for transgression was The Bull told you all about poi. Mitchell Johnson D. it was suddenly so clear. ??? Approximately 25. 3 . THE BULL / Ben Hilfenhaus Q5. Tom Carter Q2. Daniel Halagahu D. Word of mouth “Watching John with the machine. Luke Burt Q4. Send to: usubull2010@gmail. Cucking-stool An instrument of punishment consisting of a chair in which offenders were ducked in water. Andrew Flintoff C. Al Baxter C. and other circus arts.7 extra Caption Competition. Serena Williams B. Which golfer currently tops the list of PGA Tour wins? A. Terminator 2: Judgement Day www.

grab something to eat or snatch up a bargain at the Sydney Uni Markets. BBQ Beats 1-2pm. Anything from skits to voiceovers. a celebration of Spanish music. what else were we suppose to call it? Culture Queens 1-2pm.Has anything changed? Clubs & Societies Night Manning Bar Clubs and societies come out to shine. Or you could just go there for the food. Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1. Level 4. Manning Bar Trivia at Manning. Weekend Warm-up 4-6pm. 30 March .1st Heats 10am-4pm. Manning Bar Well.Copenhagen and Earth Day . Wasabi AGM .1st Heats 10am-4pm. Lecture Room 3.usuonline.000 Pool Comp 4-6pm.000 Clubs & Societies Party Night Hermann’s Bar Clubs and societies come out to shine.3pm. Wednesday 28 April 2010 Kirby Cup . Beginners welcome! Tuesday Tunes 1-2pm. Trivia 5-6pm. Project 52 Comedy 8-10pm. Holme Common Room Come for a free dance. WEEK 9 Monday 3 May Meditation Session 12-1pm. Tuesday 4 May Kirby Cup .Stuff white people like 20 April . Food Co-op Weekly Meeting 5-6pm. Hermann’s Bar The chips are down. Manning Bar Found something funny. Hermann’s Bar Live jazz brought to you by the very talented musicians. Sydney Uni Bushwalkers AGM 7-9pm. SUSO presents ¡Olé! 8-10pm. Architecture LT3 Durarara. Manning The Decks 4-6pm. Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1. Go and learn something. Manning Bar Get your cube on! Wednesdays Acoustic Session 1-2pm. Merewether Courtyard Election and re-election of executives.4pm. Rock Ya Balls Bingo 5-6pm. Hermann’s Bar Trivia. Tuesdays Tuesday Talks 1-2pm. Manning Bar The best in student improv comedy. $5 for members CubeSoc Weekly Socials 5-7pm. Holme Common Room Discussion of feminist manifestos with Dr Natalya Lusty. Manning Nothing better than a chilled lunchtime acoustic set. Korean Class and Bible Study 2pm . Margaret Telfer.Representations of ethnicity and culture . com for further information. The Great Hall The Sydney University Symphony Orchestra presents ¡Olé!. Gender Studies Lecturer. Holme Reading Room Guided group meditation. not complicated after all.8 what's on WEEKLY REGULARS Mondays The Wonderful World of the Internet 1-2pm.1st Heats 10am-4pm. Manning Lawns Delicious all you can eat lunches. The Loggia Manning A morning that you can fill with hundreds and thousands of writing ideas.1st Heats 10am-4pm. Hermann’s Bar Project 52 showcases the best of Sydney University’s comedy. Wentworth Level 4 Annual General Meeting Thursdays Theatresports® 1-2pm.000 IYF Culture Dance. Thursday 29 April 2010 Kirby Cup . Sunset Jazz 5-7pm. Secretary. and you should be getting ready. Treasurer. Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1. Merewether Please email ecosoc. SU Knitting Society AGM 4-5pm. Wentworth All are welcome. Poker 5-7pm. Manning Balcony Relax on the Manning Balcony with a few friends to the sounds. Fridays Trivia 5-6pm. Manning Bar Inspiration and innovation.usyd@gmail. Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1. JFR Plaza Have a browse. Vegetarian Society Lunches 12-2pm. Manning Bar Balcony It’s the end of the week. International Student Lounge Show us your skills with a pool cue. 3 / THE BULL www. Holme Building Re-elect the President. ECOSOC General Meeting 5-6pm. Manning Balcony Burgers and music. Meant to be together. This shouldn’t be too difficult to understand. this time at Hermann’s. vicePresidents. Friday 30 April 2010 Sci Revue Fairy Bread Friday 10am – 12pm. Holme Reading Room Super slide night/ AGM. Indonesian Student Association AGM 5-7pm. Korean language and Bible Study Class. from members to anyone interested in knowing more! ed.000 Anime Screening 1-2pm. Ground Floor Bar/ Manning Forecourt Beats at lunchtime! Sydney Uni Markets 11am . interesting or weird on the internet recently? WEEK 8 Tuesday 27 April 2010 Kirby Cup .Cronulla riots and Melbourne Indian attacks: Lessons learned 13 April . See.

JFR Plaza Have a browse.1st Heats 10am-4pm. Holme Common Room Come along to the society’s annual general meeting to elect a new committee. Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1. Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1. Thursday 20 May SUWO Weekly Rehearsal 5:30-8:30 pm. $5 for members.8pm. brass & percussion players are welcomed. Beginners welcome! Games @ Manning! 2-4pm. Manning Bar The Russellian Society holds drinks every Tuesday for Sydney University Philosophers Renowned speakers (including monks.9 Russoc Weekly Drinks 5-7pm. Russoc: Philosophy. Level 4.. 3 . Thursday 6 May Kirby Cup . Engineering Lawns Delicious all you can eat lunches. or. Wednesday 19 May Sydney Uni Markets 11am . Holme Common Room Come along to our regular writing workshops for the Education and Social Work Revue. Old Darlington School All woodwind.. Culture Queens 1-2pm. $5 for members. Manning Bar Dan Sultan continues to shine as the music industry takes a keen interest in the progress of this man and his band. DAN SULTAN 21 May 8pm. TORTOISE 8 May 8pm. Manning Bar Every week another game. The Loggia. Wicked and more! WEEK 10 Monday 10 May Dharma Talk 1-2pm. Friday 7 May Soulxpress Workshops/ Jam Sessions 4-6pm. Holme Reading Room Guided group meditation.1st Heats 10am-4pm. Holme The genetic/psychological/ scientific benefit to human beings believing in “Spirituality”. Tuesday 18 May Food Co-op Weekly Meeting 5-6pm. Tests and Summoned Creatures (Baka to test to Shokanjuu). Sutekh brings you Video games in the bar. usuonline.000 Wednesday 12 May USU ELECTION DAY Russoc Weekly Drinks 5-7pm. Australian Funk & Soul royalty The Bamboos are hitting the road again. Tuesday 11 May Writing Workshop 10am-12pm. If you’re a C&S Exec with an event you want to get out there fill out the online form by clicking the ‘Submit your Event’ button. grab something to eat or snatch up a bargain at the Sydney Uni Markets. Manning Bar Get your cube on! Culture Queens 1-2pm. Games @ Manning! 2-4pm. Meditation Session 12-1pm.usuonline. CubeSoc Weekly Socials THE BULL / ed. Holme Common Room Interview with Jane Park.3pm. Wentworth All are welcome. Speleological Society AGM 7:30 pm. SUWO Weekly Rehearsal 5:30-8:30 pm. Manning Are you looking forward to practicing your Spanish skills regardless of your level? This is the right place to come! WEEK 11 Monday 17 May Vegetarian Society Lunches 12-2pm. SUWO Weekly Rehearsal 5:30-8:30 pm. Cultural Studies Lecturer. and click the ‘What’s On’ calendar.3pm. Holme Common Room St Trinians Thursday 13 May Vegetarian Society Lunches 12-2pm. a different console. wrongly. Manning Bar Starting the new year off with a bang including performances at Falls Festival. Into the Joy of Spring.000 Spanish Conversation Sessions 4-6pm. Sydney Uni Markets 11am . Wentworth Level 4 Friday: Mitch’s Breaking Friday 14 May Soulxpress Workshops/ Jam Sessions www. THE BAMBOOS 7 May 8pm. grab something to eat or snatch up a bargain at the Sydney Uni Markets. Wentworth Level 4 Friday:Mitch’s Breaking Anime Screening 1-2pm. Old Darlington School Repertoire to include Jupiter (Holst). and evolution 6. Refectory. psychology. Manning Bar The Russellian Society holds drinks every Tuesday for Sydney University Philosophers Anime Screening 1-2pm. Old Darlington School All woodwind. rightly. Womadelaide and headlining St Kilda Festival. from members to anyone interested in knowing more! ECOPSoc Weekly Drinks 5-7pm. GIGS. Holme Reading Room Friday 21 May Soulxpress Workshops/ Jam Sessions 4-6pm. jump onto www. Manning Bar Every week another game. a different console. nuns and lay people) give talks on Buddhist topics and perspectives. Days Like This!. Star Wars. Chemistry LT2 From Me to You (Kimi ni Todoke) + Random series. Manning Bar Post-rock giants TORTOISE return to Australia this May their first appearance on our shores in over five (5) years. Manning Lawns Delicious all you can eat lunches. Wentworth Level 4 Friday:Mitch’s Breaking Wednesday 5 May Kirby Cup . JFR Plaza Have a browse. Hermann’s Bar Hearty discussions on Political Economy. KEEP UP TO DATE! To see the FULL list of events. Sutekh brings you Video games in the bar. brass & percussion players are welcomed. Carslaw LT375 The idiot.

It is therefore unlikely to solve one’s own problems when it comes to landing that elusive A ttraction and attractiveness seems at once a very certain and a very arbitrary phenomenon. as well as a plethora of psychology experiments. however. That’s not to say general principles haven’t been formulated. Agreement among scholars. but the accuracy and testability of these principles is often questionable. Each of us can name many individuals whom we find attractive. Evolutionary theory would dictate that people would be attracted to partners who would be effective in ed. however. The science of attraction is cutting edge stuff and intensely debated by the experts. EVOLUTION Many of the things that we see in the animal kingdom we attribute to evolution. however. without giving a second thought to having a systematised approach to wooing. Attraction has been the field of social psychologists for a while fish. it is near impossible. so to speak. ever increasing research in human endocrinology and biology that leads to some useful results. penises and vaginas.usuonline. It may. and much ink has been spilled over it. now. as well as make value judgements on the spot about the attractiveness of a complete stranger. or just make you shake your head in disgust. opposable thumbs. however.10 THE RULES OF ATTRACTION Patrick Effeney wonders if there are any rules to the game that everyone can play. The slow perfection of a being over time has led to such developments as webbed feet. and perhaps on par with this are experiments with results that are statistically significant. There is. On a personal level attraction can seem completely arbitrary. 3 / THE BULL www. crystallise the things that you are looking for. Peer reviewed work is even less common. is not so common. When we attempt to use all of this information to create some kind of system of attractiveness. retractable . Dealing with prospective partners on an individual basis is easy and effective enough for average Joe and Jane to continue on their merry way.

dunno why. Prof. Ever wondered why virgins are and have been so valued? Virginal females are attractive to males because it shows they are not likely to have had kids. 1 Likes: Girls ith each relationship. Males. “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction” Substitute the bold with people and there’s Steve.’ or so he claims. that it is likely that female is not already pregnant with another man’s child. Plain Jane Representing the majority of the female population is Sienna. having realized that not everyone holds the same perspective when it comes to their heart my hypothesis was proven wrong. and outward signs of fertility are relatively easy to pinpoint.7 is reportedly the ideal. distinctly unlike the Macho male.IS IT REALLY BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THEN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL? Most attractive part of the human body? Why? Arse. Wassersug. This is rather bleak if we’re looking for sure-fire ways to score. HYPOTHESIS As someone who believes that each girl’s prince charming is really out there. For Jasper. she remains optimistic and has decided ‘not [to] seek out love and let it come to you. girls and basic biology were the three main topics of our conversation.’ Cynical Realist Wth her copy of The Rules as her bible. [since his] dreams [would be] shattered if it was lost. and beauties such as Marilyn Monroe and Jessica Alba have been found to correspond with this figure. heartache and break. just is... each interviewee will harbour homogenous convictions to my own. I hypothesize that. intimacy becomes the focal point of his relationship with her. comedy scripts. In the meantime. for the man.” said Prof. Changes in gender roles have meant the attractiveness models of ‘the hunter’ and ‘the nurturer’ cannot necessarily be socially applied. This means. he told me to quote his 1986 article ‘Fitness Fallacies’: “In our modern society. Many would say that youth would be an obvious indicator of fertility. ignoring the rules of personal space as I sought out diverse entities to be a part of my experiment. With her own share of heartaches Daisy advises: ‘basing one’s own happiness on the activity of another human being will prove [to be] futile and disappointing.’ each word hinted with caution. Steve: Prince Charming. men like big boobs. but there are some interesting points that he made along the way. and there is a lot to be said for each. Steve is the figure behind all romantic A HISTORY OF DREAMBOATS Most people know of the face that launched a thousand ships. rejection and even a few heart aches in her time. she pities those girls who believe their knight in shining armour is yet to arrive and whisk them off their feet. Alisha Bhojwani investigates. sex is not only for pleasure. This explanation is only aimed at reconciling physical attractiveness with evolutionary reasoning. your average Sheila. Ever been turned on by someone else’s body odour? Not their natural one! Have you ever found your partner’s immune system plays a part in your attraction? Mmm. evolutionarily. RESULTS The Player When Jasper meets a girl and attraction occurs. his Alpha-Male image crumbles away as he admits: ‘with over 7 billion people in the world. and whilst never having felt love. there was a common thread. he’d rather ‘never experience love. He’s our real–life. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Wassersug said that the underlying principle behind female attractiveness is how successful she will be in producing children. Jasper: The Opportunist. love.’ CONCLUSION With my romantic fantasy shattered. Thus. rippling abs and curly locks. true to the character Hollywood writes. the brink of love. Agreeing with Lord Tennyson. girls were smitten by this perfect youth. Professor Richard Wassersug is a Sexologist currently visiting La Trobe University from Dalhousie University. After a long chat with Richard about what evolution offers us in terms of systematising attractiveness. Bulging muscles. Finding clichés and Disney movies unrealistic. he holds his heart in a conventional box. But whether those experiences alter people completely or leave them unchanged is uncertain. Daisy plays the ‘game’ well and questions whether real love can exist between teenagers. live life and have some fun. W ARRAN Medicine. “It is a waste of a male’s time to fertilise a woman who can’t provide for the young. it’d be better experiencing it. that even Orlando Bloom couldn’t resist. Males are looking for females who will bear them healthy children. Boys. in fact. Daisy is certainly not the type of girl to wear her heart on her sleeve. he truly was the man of their dreams. Large breasts are an outward indication to a male that the woman can provide adequate resources for the baby. neither physical or fiscal fitness forecasts fecundity. Matt: Average Joe. After all. Breast size is another outward sign of fertility. Who is your ideal partner? Why? It’s a toss up between Joan Rivers. because when it’s opened the pages may read contrary to your expectations. A complete opposite of Cinderella.. snotty noses are hot. Each interviewee in their own way inclined that if heart break is on the cards then they wanted to experience that pain with someone who made it worth it. CLEOPATRA 69 BC . and obviously looked past her reportedly large nose. ADONIS UNKNOWN This ancient beauty had her share of powerful men. Apparently it is attractive.’ Prince Charming The lineage of attraction continues as Newton’s third law of physics starts to become comprehensible to us non-nerds. My experiment left me to conclude that people will leave you surprised. but for a different reason. With curiosity as my incentive I became a true reporter. who’s faced lust. Ringo Starr and Amy Winehouse. are unwilling to provide resources for children that are not their own.. Caesar and Marc Antony both succumbed to her charms. MATERIALS* Jaz & Ray: Practically Married Sienna: Single gal. despite differing experiences. passing on their genes. FEMALES Prof. I found that regardless of the conflicting principles whether love was a sentiment better experienced. This means that men are looking for the most fertile women. She was so beautiful.” Translation: Neither being rich or being hot guarantees bedroom success. no game-playing Prince Charming. than going through life not knowing. HELEN OF TROY Circa 1200 BC Across both Greece and Rome. the one must still be out there. Whilst he claims to be ‘still in the search for the right girl’ he’s not one to ‘pass up an opportunity’ to come his way. Nonetheless. Wassersug said that: “Women with the ideal waste-hip ratio are proven to be more fertile than those without it. Although he’s found ‘the one.” WHR 0. we feel various abstract emotions such as lust. *names have been changed to avoid the interviewer being stoned to death. Daisy: Cynical Realist. Surprised at the different views each person seemed to follow. The Waist-hip ratio has a big impact on males. regardless of how modern his actions prove to be.

What’s a major histocompatibility complex (MHC)? For simplicity’s sake.” Or maybe that was Gandhi. and you become resistant to that disease. including LiLash.12 ELISSA Medicine. this meant that the most attractive males were the best hunters. When it comes to humans. making her de facto ruler of Rome. Perhaps living proof that looks aren’t everything. She also is reported to have had an incestuous relationship with her brother Caligula. There is also strong evidence that some links remain in humans. the alpha male who’s trying to fertilise every woman he sees may not be as attractive to some women as to others. which one customer on the site amusingly and worryingly describes as “like Viagra for my lashes!” of a negative pheromone system.) and the menstrual cycle all play key roles in attractiveness for both men and women. ideally. the women were asked which males (or which shirts) they were most attracted to. realise that hunting is no longer just killing animals. if they do indeed exist. however. You apply it to your eyelashes to make them grow thicker and longer. beyond most doubt. Evolutionarily. but beauty is pain. any more than the parachute pants and pacifier necklaces of nineties screamed ‘sober’. know that we have a sort Most attractive part of the human body? Why? Smile. Biology is a field of research that you may not be so familiar with. HENRY VIII OF ENGLAND 1491 AD His abilities are held in such high regard that “Casanova” has become the colloquial term for a womaniser. All of these chemical interactions. the emperor Nero. facial alignment and proportionality (how far the chin has to be from the forehead. Anyone who had six wives had to be attractive in some way. we avoid incest. Height (a man. 1 Likes: Boys wealth. I don’t know. So. According to the list of side effects. things have changed a little. Wassersug said: “if we take the evolutionary hunter and transpose it into modern society. the poodle perms and mullets of the eighties didn’t exactly scream ‘class’. however. it may also cause your eyes to melt and lashes to grow on your cheek bones. Professor Wassersug had this to say on the topic of pheremones: “ We’ve known for a long time that mammals have a reproductive season. Evidence of this has been found and. It was found that the males with the major histocompatibility complex that differed most from the smeller were the most attractive. almost no study is conclusive. Chemically. caring. For this reason a female needs a committed male. however. meaning there’s a long time before a child can protect itself. AGRIPPINA THE YOUNGER 15 AD This guy had six wives. funny. as well as for protection. After smelling the t-shirts. Have you ever found your partner’s immune system plays a part in your attraction? No. Prof. Based on some recent and startling developments in the field of looking hot. Obviously there are factors that have been neglected in this examination. This has not been substantiated by any experiments. If you eat something that makes you sick. and she will look elsewhere if she has to. this test is supposed to show that through a male’s scent. but which male has the most resources to put a roof over their head. “Humans have a very long pre-pubescent stage.” “There are also interesting connections between our smell and our immune systems. let’s say that a MHC is the part of the human genome that deals with our immune system. it leaves a chemical mark on you. Had her son. though. Almost every other mammal on earth communicates via chemical signals. kind. Many people may have heard of the test conducted by Claude Wedekind in which a group of test subjects. The future of beauty and attractiveness is unpredictable at best and terrifying at worst. what seems attractive at the time always looks completely hideous twenty or so years down the track. we see that what we mean by resources has changed. were given a set of sweaty t-shirts. occur on a subconscious level. as it all seems fairly straightforward. “It’s a truth universally acknowledged that one decade’s hot is another one’s fugly. another emperor. because it shows people’s emotions. Modern women. Theories have been thrown around relating to a man’s ‘musk’ and its effect on women. it makes sense for us to mate with the person with the MHC least like our own.1 times the height of the female). testing is the problem. a woman can determine what his immune system is like compared to her own. A modern woman also looks for conspicuous signs of FUTURE LOVE Alissa Nasti asks: where to from here? I think it was Jane Austen who wrote. In hindsight.” Big muscles can be attractive to women because of the traditional reason of hunting. loves musicals. BIOLOGY Maybe you already knew all that. Ever been turned on by someone else’s body odour? No. Spicy. The importance now isn’t how many kangaroos a male can bring back. as this means the offspring will have a good immune system. because an attractive man is one who can provide her with both protection and resources for her children. because they could bring back the most protein. Teen Wolf style. Now. I’ve come up with a few tentative predictions about how we’ll all be styling ourselves in decades to come. but they also have to be committed to using them for the woman and their children. Ten thousand years ago. MALES Professor Wassersug explained that an evolutionarily attractive man is one that can bring home the most resources. right?! Similar products have flooded the market. proven that pheromones assist in attracting mates. should be 1. Not only do men have to provide these resources. on this occasion females. What more do we need to know? GIACOMO CASANOVA 1725 AD . and power is very attractive. space between the eyes etc. EYELASH SHAVING Latisse is a serum that has recently been released in the US. Thus. We find people with an immune system dissimilar to our own attractive because it would be beneficial for our offspring to have a greater resistance to more diseases. due to the “diverse presumptions on their ability to provide resources. The point is. The presence of pheromones in humans is a topic that has scientists a little bit miffed. We do. however.” Outward signs of this ability range from success in the workplace to physical factors. statistically significant or peer reviewed. and that they chemically interact with one another. Rank these people in attractiveness: Joan Rivers: 3 Ringo Starr: 1 Amy Winehouse: 2 thus the value of virginity and the attractiveness of youth. Some believe that a man’s armpit is what releases the pheromones and females can react either positively or negatively to that.” Again. on a string.” NB. Who is your ideal partner? Why? My boyfriend – smart.

unfortunately. Could her look ever go out of fashion? We don’t think so. this is a trend that unfortunately my sartorially inclined divination skills can’t see going away any time soon. she has long shiny hair and large boobs. That is if they haven’t had it yet. and it will all be totally acceptable and respectable. it seems that they don’t even have to wear cologne. placebo affect and cultural expectations associated with attractiveness make it a difficult area to study. E: Eyes A blue eyed. When a female is ovulating. but they work the ‘wounded wing’ angle Who is your ideal partner? Why? A dog – they never let you down Rank these people in attractiveness: Joan Rivers: 1 Ringo Starr: 2 Amy Winehouse: 3 VAJAZZLING Jennifer Love Hewitt is arguably known for being attractive – at least. because if a SAM Medicine. When we are asked to say why we think someone is attractive. so my prediction is that in the future it will be considered totally hot for guys to shave every single hair off their bodies. unfortunately there just aren’t that many to be made yet.J. but that’s understandable. originally. It is a hormone produced by the pituitary gland humans that has been shown to spike during times of sexual arousal. it’s not this guy. Boys are shallow. Livesey – I mean how many cute. two things that. All I’m going to say is. Thus. smart. 3 Likes: Boys EMIL Arts and Sci Likes: Girls Ideal partner? G: E. Hot ones turn me on. eye brows. they like big boobs and a good waist-to-hip ratio. but Doc needs to fire up the DeLorean. nerdy and somehow a bit awkward tutors that really turn you on are there left on earth? Eight? E: RAIN – Cute. In the case of the sweaty t-shirts. although it is an exploding field of research. it will be considered attractive to shave all our eyebeards off and go bald. well spoken. two things men are guaranteed to find hot no matter the decade. Body Part? G: Fingers. In fact. 1 Likes: Girls Most attractive part of the human body? Why? The smile – it conveys authenticity and disposition. Wassersug was quick to say: “we have to remember that sex evolved long before we evolved parts of the brain that are conscious. not mine). so we’ll start calling them eyebeards instead of eyelashes. snail trail . and had a flick through the photos. because of all this undue attention. leg and arm hair. If a woman is looking after a child. Sound promising? Or is it all too much? Similar tests have been conducted. throughout their menstrual cycle. aren’t controllable. not mine) with various crystals and fake tattoos and scratch n’ sniff stickers and going sans bikini bottom at the beach. and presumably that’s why makeup has been around since Roman times. For the boys.” CONCLUSIONS When I asked Prof. MARILYN MONROE 1950 AD Did you know that bowl cuts were once in fashion for people who weren’t under ten years old? Well. The effects of this hormone are currently under investigation. have been interesting when they introduced them face to face. and in the eye of the beholder. this article is a complete failure. and false adhesive eyelashes. One thing’s for sure though. was to find out which cologne or perfumes will the make the person of your dreams go mad.” In terms of finding the golden egg of how to be more attractive. it is not necessarily the most macho looking man who she will find most attractive. E. and the Beatles were about as attractive as it came. anyone?). it seems only to reinforce how out of our own hands. humans just like the cut of another person’s jib. Have you ever found your partner’s immune system plays a part in your attraction? Yes – sickly people aren’t as much fun. but blinded testing is very difficult. previously the domain of drag queens and Jeannie Little. It certainly would Body odour? G. My prediction is that in twenty years time. generally she seeks the most macho looking man so she can be fertilized. You heard it here first. You see them in those men and women’s magazines you don’t read.and of course their eyebeards. blonde haired actor who was every boy of her era’s wet dream. The goal of this piece. but the point to take from it is that attractiveness and sexual arousal is not all conscious. that time was the sixties. Make up your own damn mind. Anyway. Menopausal women often find men with softer. legs and crotch than I do. Ever been turned on by someone else’s body odour? Yes. Yes Immune system? G: Yes. and although it seems a rather unsatisfactory conclusion. it is often difficult to pinpoint. So I got worried when she recently declared she “vajazzles her vajayjay” (her words. For the ladies. E: Of course. COMPLETELY HAIRLESS MEN I happened across a copy of Cleo Magazine’s 50 Most Eligible Bachelors issue the other day. but that’s what they said about The Simpsons and pornography and look how that turned out! Anyway my prediction is instead of Brazilians or bikini waxes girls will soon be decorating their “precious ladies” (again. go back in time and sort that shit out. they didn’t even have to see the people they were judging before they knew whether or not they found them attractive. there is probably nothing that you don’t already know in here. like beards only on our eyes. Oxytocin is another biological phenomenon that little is known about. and has been formulated into a nasal spray (AMI. J.Lo. Wassersug about the issue of research he said: “the problem is the lack of controlled studies. our lashes will be longer than our chins and the hair will be so thick and coarse we’ll have to shave them every morning. smart. These results imply that at least some of the reason behind us finding certain people attractive is subconscious. Manhattan only less blue and. and similar results have been produced. We have a lot of contextual evidence. Paul McCartney is still alive! THE BEATLES 1960 AD: THE BEATLES WHO KNOWS? RIGHT NOW You see them in the news every day. just as the Brazilian wax became popular as a backlash to years of uninhibited crotch growth. less well-endowed. It will be like Dr. Sometimes. they might be more likely to go out with you. For all those ladies out there. Yes. To my mind Swarovski crystals and vaginas don’t immediately mix. I don’t know when it became attractive for guys to have less hair on their chest. it does play a significant role. Youth is obviously another factor. GISELLE Arts. attraction truly is. There are even vitamins designed to make your lashes grow stronger and thicker. Another interesting biological discovery is that women. but a man who is most likely to dedicate resources to looking after her child. Prof. past the physically obvious factors. including their head hair. girl knows your already immune to mumps. are now ubiquitous at makeup counters everywhere. The contexts. Hew’s words. find different males attractive at different times.13 Eyelash extensions are also becoming rapidly more mainstream and affordable (if you’re willing to sew hair on to your eyes). more feminine features attractive where before they may have been more attracted to testosterone fueled gym junkies. The reminder that a lot of the work done in attraction is subconscious is another important point. pubic hair. unless you want to pay for a new body. . It has also been shown to improve bonding in humans.

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