You are on page 1of 2

Possibility No.

1: Today is, in fact, Jared's Birthday

Deliberation: Well, I seem to remember this being Jared's birthday,


but then again I would remember the sameness of the "1"'s--1/11,
and all that, which I distinctly remember NOT being there, so no,
it can't have been today, it isn't--but in any case, at least I am
thinking of his birthday today, so maybe it is; oh well, here
goes...

Realization:

Dear Jared,

Sir! Happy Birthday! I hope all is well with you, in the


Valley of Silicon, if that is where you are, or Hahvard Yahd, or
wherever. I really hope to see you again soon--I enjoy trying to
flesh out the limits of science, and I find your ideas very
intriguing, especially because I feel like I may disagree with some
of them. One could compare us to dogs barking at the moon, but
seemingly not making any progress at doing anything to the moon,
but such people wouldn't realize how wonderfully elucidating the
dogs might find it. Anyway, let me know if you are in town. I might
have found a poem that would interest you.

Yours,
Jonah

Possibility No. 2: Jared's birthday was, actually, yesterday, or


even the day before

Deliberation: But then it couldn't have been the day BEFORE


yesterday, I remember it having two numbers, so it must have been
10; not too late then, I suppose. That sounds about right--1/10--or
wait, am I confusing that with my mother's birthday, 2/10? Or wait,
is that 2/11? Oh dear...

Realization:

Dear Jared,

Happy Belated Birthday! I'm sorry I didn't write sooner, you


see I've been so busy here and all, and so I didn't have the time,
don't you know. I hope all is well with you, in the Valley of
Silicon, if that is where you are. I hear they like to howl at the
moon out there on the West Coast--though I imagine that the people
of Silicon Valley are a bit more buttoned-down than that. Or is it
buttoned-up? It's hard to imagine they'd be wearing anything with
buttons what with the weather they have out there, though it's not
been bad here either...people out on Hahvard Yahd, sunbathing no
doubt, quite a lot of flesh out; see what you've been missing! Yes,
with this global warming, we may have reached the limit of science,
or rather nature--a state I completely disagree with, as you'd
imagine. Anyway, hope the birthday was fun,

Yours,
Jonah

Possibility No. 3: Jared's birthday is in the future

Deliberation: Well, if the cat in the box isn't dead, then...

Realization:

Dear Jared,

Happy Birthday, sir! Yes, this year I'm a bit early, I know,
but I wanted to make up for all those times I've been late to
breakfasts, etc. Besides, now that I've become a neo-conservative,
I am trying to take as many preemptive measures as possible. I know
this might put a disagreement between us, you being of Hahvahd Yahd,
and me being of Oral Roberts University, but trust me, my life is so
much easier now as a neo-conservative. I have much less to worry
about; for instance, the environment. All those environmentalists,
they're just a bunch of dogs howling at the moon, in my opinion,
making wild pronouncements about a thing which they couldn't begin
to actually understand. Yes, yes, they should be off like those
forward-thinkers on the West Coast, pushing the very limits of
science in the name of such an opportant technology--plastic
surgery, of course. I understand you're there right now, in
Silicone Valley? Anyway, hope the birthday will be fun,

Yours,
Gov. Jonah W. Bloch-Johnzenegger (R)

PS: Bush in '08--third time's a charm!