University of Australian Real Estate

2013

The School of Real Estate

Message from the Dean – Emeritus Professor Bamber Kingswell - Hayswinkle Australia’s Real Estate sector leads the world in maximising Real Estate prices, and it would be true to say that nowhere else in the world does Real Estate and Real Estate speculation exert such a positive and marked influence over a national media, society and political process as it does in Australia. To further this, the sector is always looking for bright enthusiastic leaders, prepared to take up the challenge of pushing the envelope further. There has never been a better time to become part of the Australian Real Estate sector, in the same way there has never been a better time to buy Australian Real Estate; and the School of Real Estate provides the perfect grounding for every aspiring Real Estate practitioner. At the University of Australian Real Estate we pride ourselves on attracting the glibbest, most amoral and psychopathic young leaders of tomorrow and providing them with the tools to best extract value from the Australian public for both the Real Estate sector and themselves. At the University of Australian Real Estate they will be carefully indoctrinated into the values and behaviours that make the Real Estate sector so distinctive in Australia today, while at the same time freeing them from anti-competitive inclinations, questions and concepts leading to any consideration of other issues in Australia’s future. The courses provided by the University of Australian Real Estate will ensure that graduates have sophisticated approaches to every aspect of Real Estate management: from bullshitting potential vendors about price, through ignoring the needs while extracting maximum financial outlay from buyers, to ….’we pride ourselves on attracting permeating the national media to heighten the motivation of Governments at a the glibbest, most amoral and local, State, and Federal level, as well as the Reserve Bank of Australia to psychopathic young leaders of provide the choicest financial and monetary policy conditions to maximise tomorrow and providing them with Australian Real Estate. The Real Estate industry can be certain that graduates the tools to best extract value’ ….. from the University of Australian Real Estate will be at the cutting edge when it comes to industry focussed behaviours, providing realistic speciously plausible responses to any Real Estate circumstance.

Bamber Kingswell-Hayswinkle December 2012

Real Estate and Property Expectation Management – Courses

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University of Australian Real Estate

2013

Bachelor of Real Estate and Property Expectation Management – 2013
Admission to the Programme Admission to the Bachelor Degree Course is primarily through the secondary education system, and a competitive analysis of academic achievement. A limited number of positions are available for mature age graduates who exhibit appropriate behaviours. All applicants will undergo psychometric assessment as part of their analysis process in order to ensure that the motivations and commitment of applicants are commensurate with the opportunities available to graduates. In particular assessors will seek to determine likely behavioural responses to a range of external stimuli, including pecuniary interest and an ability to withstand moral and social inhibitors, to ensure that all graduates have a strong sense of direct fiscal causality in the Real Estate sector, which can be developed and refined over the course. Programme Structure: Year 1 – Semester 1 In the First Semester of Year 1 all students will be required to complete the core subjects for the Programme plus 2 Field Practical exercises intended to ensure that students have the appropriate values and ethos to make a contribution in the Real Estate and Property Development Sector. Completion of all units is compulsory with a Field Practical Grade Average of not less than 65% across the two examinations.

“By the conclusion of my Bachelors course I knew this was the career for me. I found myself in a role which not only allowed me to treat the public with thinly concealed disdain, but also made them pay me handsomely for doing so.” “The foundation was laid in the very first semester. Until then I hadn’t actually realised how fundamentally dumb many house buyers can be. Once you understand the implications this carries it is a simple matter getting into as many transactions as possible and skimming your cut.” Marieke Turdette UARE 2009

“I was an air-headed nuff-nuff from an expensive private school and would have been in trouble if I had come from a lower socio-economic profile. But after paying school fees all those years Dad decided I should become a Real Estate agent as I could work to my strengths of wearing a suit, doing up a tie, and driving around in a nice car. I haven’t looked back.” Brayden Smooth UARE 2011

Discovering Tragedy in Property: Where to Find a Tragic and How to Work Them (BUSS 1096) Foundations of Real Estate and Property Fraud (COML 1002) Tenancies, Bonds, Tribunals and Landlords: Client Focus Issues for Practitioners (FOCU1019) The Psychology of Accommodation Demand for Buyers and Tenants: Political and Social Applications (PSYC1210) Accounting for Property Losses and Negative Gearing (ACCT 1001) Foundation Bullshitting and Bullshitting Systems in Real Estate (PUBL 1087)  Field Practical (A) Year 1: Turd Presentation for First Home Buyers (TUDD1001)  Field Practical (B) Year 1: Feigning Interest in the Recently Renting (RENT1001)

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University of Australian Real Estate
Year 1 – Semester 2

2013

In the Second Semester of Year 1 students are introduced to more complex themes and approaches, with critical approaches to contemporary theory development encouraged and explored. Students are brought into a greater awareness of the role of Real Estate and Property Development in contemporary society. The Semester 2 Field Practical exercises are designed to embed practical competencies and need to be completed with a Field Practical Grade Average of not less than 65% across the two examinations.

Principles of Business and Social & Moral Denial (BUSS 1075) Principles of Economic Myopia and Shortage Fabrication (ECON 1019) Quantitative Methods for Public Bamboozlement (MATH 1057) Property Management: Condition Reports & Comparative Abode Advertising (ABOD1016) Management Accountability Deniability and Speciousness (BUSS 1052) Psychopathy, Sociopathy and Real Estate Outcomes for Practitioners (PSYC 1192)  Field Practical (C) Year 1: Pressure Applications For Mum and Dad Investors (KIDS1001)  Field Practical (B) Year 1: Reality Discrepancy and Realtor Yield Estimation For Housing Investors (BULL1001)
YEAR TWO – Semester 1 In the First Semester of Year 2 students develop a nuanced understanding of themes, circumstances, client types and issues to broaden their ability to identify value propositions for the Real Estate Industry. Students are required to complete at least two of the four available client understanding modules. Also in this term students are introduced to complex financial analyses and guided through values enhancing concepts and paradigms. In Year Two a single Field Practical exercise will see students (in teams) modelling a real world development opportunity for a range of clients and buyer types. Students require a Field Practical Grade Average of not less than 65%.

‘I was always precociously talented at denying moral and social responsibility, but when I took on a career in Real Estate I soon found that my natural strengths were refined and enhanced in a self-rewarding orgasm of righteousness’ Charlotte Fondlebright UARE 2012

Fundamentals of Property Fraud (COML 2028) real buyers, as genuine Real Estate professionals prepared them for the sale. I liked Applied Bullshitting: Creaming Buyers and Sellers (MARK 2004) to watch.’ Client Understanding 1: Fathoming the Depths of Baby Boomer Zoltan Eötvös UARE 2011 Greed (BOOM2010) Client Understanding 2: Believers in Advertising - Young and Old (SUCK2901) Client Understanding 3: The Desperation of New Migrants (EASY2744) Client Understanding 4: Families, Needs and Realtor Information Management Leverage (FAMI2006) Land Use, Planning and Sustainability: Letting the Buyer Beware (AGEN 2011) Property Valuation Enhancement & Taxation Minimisation (BUSS 2097)

‘In my placement module I was allowed to see

Real Estate and Property Expectation Management – Courses

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University of Australian Real Estate

2013

Real Estate Finance for Buyers 1: Bridging the Reality Discrepancy in Loan Application Forms (REAL2765) Managerial Service Fee Discretion: ‘So Subtle they Don’t Even Know it’s There’ (SUBT2444) Capital Appreciation at the Margins: ‘It’s Either You or Them’ (CUND2314) Field Development Practical (Group) Year 2: Choose from new development locations in NSW, VIC, QLD, SA, TAS, NT, ACT and WA. Students will plan, organise and sell and finance for clients from the lower socio-economic profile (on rolling temporary employment contracts as labourers or shop assistants, with $14000 deposit, 2.3 children, and requiring a range of community services).

There has never been a better time to invest in Real Estate or a Real Estate career, except for recorded history before December 2002.

YEAR TWO – Semester 2 In the second semester of Year 2 is the focus on a range of societal sub-groupings which will cover the bulk of all Real Estate market participants, looking at their motivations and frames of reference, while providing the tools for students to insinuate themselves as seamlessly as possible into potential buyer’s frames of reference, for maximised Real Estate sector outcomes.

Elective: Weekday Morning TV & Property Promotion (INAN2478) Elective : Soft Sell Radio Jingles for Property (SMOO2881) Elective: Outstanding, Attractive, Value & Stunning – Language and Real Estate (BULL2568) Elective: Realtors - Ignoring and Returning Calls at the Most Inopportune Time (CALL2715) Advanced Client Understanding 1: The Genuinely Wealthy – Affected Disdain Projection (DISD2777) Property Management and Ignoring Tenants (AGEN2077) Real Estate Affordability – The Recreation Trade-Off: Generational Perceptions (AFFO2989) Building Evaluation for Property: Maximising Clag & Balsa (BUIL 2084) Real Estate Finance for Buyers 2: Quantum LVR Offsets on Long-Term Capital Appreciation Projections (REAL2766)

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University of Australian Real Estate
YEAR THREE – Semester 1

2013

In the First Semester of Year 3 students will apply their comprehension of the industry and its issues to more complex and strategic themes, incorporating range of media to enhance industry social cohesiveness.

Public Policy, Politics and Real Estate (PPPR3000) Statutory Valuations & Payoff Tactics (MGMT3002) Lobbying the Political Process (LUNC3001) Misinformation and the Media (MISM3002) Real Estate Discontent Suppression: Bots, Cookies and Defamation Threats (RSEC3096) Property Development: Leveraging the Margin Between Buyer Perception and Delivery (FRAU3091) Property Investment: Boasting, Ostentation & Public Smugness (WANK3016) Elective: Flirting with Buyers for Organisational Effectiveness (WANK3017)
YEAR THREE – Semester 2 The Second Semester of Year 3 provides a more strategic look at the role of the Real estate sector in contemporary society, and ways in which the industry promotes an inclusive vibrant dominant position in social debate and discourse for political and economic ends.

Sharpens your focus
“Leading a Real Estate team requires toughness. Many of my clients want to fuck me, and others want to slap me, and I generate every emotion in between. I press every button to get a reaction in the property buying process. I am neurotic, erotic, capricious and vain, I am psychopathic, sociopathic and borderline insane, I can be officious, malicious, a bi-polar

Property Malpractice (BUSS 3011) lightning rod of love or hate, Property Research and Plausible Deniability (MEDI 3062) I so desperately want to help you, to help me Property, People, Place and Pooh in the Letterbox (POOH 3092) – my career is Real Estate. Elective : Australian Property Shortage – Selected Statistics Understanding the psychological limits and & Global Comparisons (SPEC7601) Elective: Australian Real Estate and Property in a Global tolerances of potential buying groups, is a key Context - Spain, Ireland & New Zealand (FORR8955) course focus.” The RBA – Monetary Policy for Real Estate Effectiveness (MONP3072) Christine Thresher UARE 2008 Land Banking, Risk Reward and Public Awareness (BULL3470) Land Supply and Demand in the Most Sparsely Populated Continent on Earth (BULL3471) Local Government and Development: The First Layer of Bribe Application (APPL3589) State Governments: When You Have Them by The Fiscal Nads (NADS3222) ‘You Should do What We Did’ – Historical Debt Access and Real Estate Prices 1980-2010 (HIST3111) ‘It’s What the Market Will Bear’ – Blame Apportionment & Morality (SOCI3112) ‘You Aren’t Entitled to it’ – Intergenerational Perceptions of Rights to Risk Reward (RIPP3225) Immigration and Support for Real estate Demand (IMMI3679)

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University of Australian Real Estate

2013

Even Veterans can be Transformed

Bachelor of Real Estate and Property Expectation Management (Honours) - 2013
The Honours year is available to students achieving a distinction average over the undergraduate course. It consists of 6 advanced units and a compulsory dissertation and thesis on the subject ‘There has Never Been a Better Time to Buy’ First Semester

“When I first became a Real Estate agent it was a different world. I smoked through a packet a day, and many of my clients, who were ordinary men and women with ordinary jobs, who could actually afford to buy a house, smoked every bit as much. I found admission to the Masters course a real eye-opener. I had always tried to steer potential clients into what I thought they needed and could afford, in locations that suited them. These days, as I learned in the UARE Masters, they need to take what they can get and where they can get it, and Real Estate professionals like me help to push the envelope in terms of their understanding of what they can take.” Neville Farquhar UARE Master 2010

Lies, Damned Lies, and Real Estate Auction Statistics – Seasonal Adjustment for Values Based Outcomes (SOLD4001) The Housing Construction Rebound and Australia’s Long Term Economic Outlook (UNEM4002) ‘Nobody is Complaining About Their House Values Going up’ – The Role of Real Estate in Crafting a Values Based Electorate (JWHL4003) ‘We’ve had a few buyers interested’ – Ritualistic Forms of Psychic Masturbation in Real Estate (PSYC4004)
Second Semester

‘It’s a Long Way to the shop if You Want a Sausage Roll – So Buy Something Closer’ – Real Estate in Popular Culture (ACDC4005) Stunted Trees, Itchy Skin & Behavioural Abnormalities – Matching Potential Buyers to Brownfield Redevelopment Projects (JIBB4006) Fibonacci & Housing Shortfall Projection Algorithms (FIBB4007) Negative Gearing and Cost Effectiveness as a Federal Budget Outlay (GOVT4008)

Master of Real Estate and Property Expectation Management – 2013

“I am not a Real Estate agent but a blogger and right wing libertarian reactionary on property related websites. I found the Honours year provided me with just enough references to intimidate other forum contributors with ominous predictions and sanctimonious bullshit forever.” Julius Cretin UARE (Hons) 2012

The Masters year is available to students achieving a distinction average over the undergraduate course, and completing the Honours year with a distinction average. It is focussed on delivery of strategic industry value adding outcomes and consists of 7 dissertation level Units, a 100 thousand word thesis on ‘If you don’t get in now…..’ The Masters course also includes participation in the social life art production of ‘Dropping your strides and being discovered by a property cactus’ as well as choral participation in Szymanowski’s ‘Litany to the Virgin Home Buyer’, Op 17.

Real Estate and Property Expectation Management – Courses

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University of Australian Real Estate

2013

First Semester

Electro Brain Stem Applications and their use in Generating a Societally More Satisfactory Property Auction Performance (ELEC 4001) Gitchy Gitchy Goo: Engagement with Banking Regulatory Authorities for Real Estate Industry Outcomes (GITC 4002) One Debt to Rule Them All and in the Darkness Bind Them: Incremental Debt Propagation – Opportunities and Risks for Future Real Estate Industry Development (DEBT 4003) Mortgage Debt Magnitude and Workplace Performance Appraisal & Bullying Implications (IMPL4009)
Second Semester

Viagra, Prozac, Botox and Silicon: The Lessons of Sexuality Based Enhancement for the Contemporary Real Estate Sector (SEXS4004) Funding Social Infrastructure in the 21st Century: How Much Should the Real Estate Sector Bear? (BEAR 4005) Multi-Generational Duration Mortgage Derivative Formation and Quantum Marketing (QUAN 4006) Nano-Modelling and Mortgage Fragmentation Opportunities (NANO 4007)

“After making sure the plans for their first home are quickly redrafted to include a toilet and power points I will be able to claim an extra $3000 commission, making my Real Estate course outlay even better value for money.” Marmaduke Throstle UARE 2012

Real Estate and Property Expectation Management – Courses

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