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It rained all night, The day I died; As Bottom dreamed, Therefore did I.

And so, what happened to the world today? It is the feast of St. Jude, apostle and patron of the hopeless and the desperate. Gabriel Garcia Marquez died, the greatest writer of my lifetime. My wife looked for work. The nation of Mexico slid further into chaos. The people of the U.S. prepared a turn away from the future to the failures of the past. The Catholic Church continued to be rocked by scandals that threaten not just the nation of Vatican City state, but the faith of millions of people. What

happened to the world today? In the symbolic life of the globe, much, in every way, and the torch was passed to a new generation. Whether my colossus will be put into print is something I have come to care less and less about the better the writing became and the closer I felt God draw near to me, as a catholic, as a writer, as a husband, as a man. Now, there seems little left to do. I could tell you how to figure out just who the hell 666 is. Multiply the six times the six times the six. Then do a little reckoning. I think he must be doing that himself. What does it mean that he and I and you are all here at the same time? I know not. But God is here. And he knows. That God only knows is enough for me. If you can pray, then pray. If you can think, then think. If you can still feel, then thank God, and then think and pray. The symbols were never notated properly. The system existed to do so, but fell into disuse, due to technological fascism. The third Reich did not pass away, as was thought. To find that is to find part of the

secret of the world that happened today. That a world still happened today. That a world happened. Be still. The work does not speak of these things, but prepares a future out of the disaster. We are out of time, and yet I had to find a way to re-found, re-fashion, re-model, remake what had been made impossible in principle and in fact. He said if you have faith. I said I do but not without you. He could have saved us alone, but he wouldnt have it otherwise. Otherwise, we would not be saved. The world may have already ended, otherwise. It may be the whole of the enigma of the postmodern age is contained in this word otherwise. The end of things really took place otherwise than what good men and women could have conceived. This was because the end could not be without this theoretical thought of the Otherwise, which made the symbolic end of things possible, in making the literal impossible, in

making the spiritual otherwise. The otherwise is itself the perversion of the sign, which made the symbolism of the Book of Revelation so hard, really impossible in days past, to comprehend. Because it is a mirror of today. Oh, for days of future passed. Oh, for the time when Glas will have been, in the future perfect, and mourning in America will be over. They say it is morning on election day, but they cannot elect themselves, and neither politicians nor prophets can elect themselves, but must be chosen, must be called, and vocations are given, not made. Otherwise, Derrida was prophetic. But not in truth, for he mixed truth with lies, and contaminated the pure, symbolically, with the taint of the trace, as in his Glas, the Immaculate Conception, or IC, is violated, if that be possible. But the virgin she was the whitest winter remains, and virgins saved the world, not celibacy or celebrity, nor the celebration of mass, nor mourning for the dead, but I think instead by the virgin purity of

the dance of King David before the ark of the Lord. He may have done impure things at one time, but his dancing was purely done, for the glory of God, for all to see, and he sang too, and sang his songs prophetically, as a priest would, if the priests were indeed prophets. Such vocations, I have found, are few. It may be that technology has en-framed and en-slaved us, as recent films depict. That something not conscious could do so, would only be because we too were no longer conscious, were not mindful, but through sheer mindlessness, allowed the subjection of freedom by our desire for a limitless play, rather than to do the work of true vocations, with limits set by God alone, not by a vacated, borderless ingenuity, invented otherwise. In all, I remain Catholic, though what this means is not clear. That I am not in communion with Benedict XVI is clear to me, and this because I believe the see of Peter is vacant. At

what historical moment this happened, I know not. It could have been after the forgery of the Donation of Constantine, or the declaration of Infallibility, or the stashing of Nazi loot in the Vatican bank, or the murder of John Paul I. There are some things we cannot know, now, but there is nothing hidden that will not, in the end, be revealed. Almost any and all of the millions who sit in the pews of parishes around the world are more Catholic than the pope in Rome, so I must be, too. The Church was not invented by Christ, but rather it was invented by itself, at least the way it is today. Christ told the apostles to preach to all nations, but not to accuse men of heresy while excusing crimes of the clergy. As Kierkegaard said, it is tragic because it is perishing, comic because it goes on. He spoke of ancient Greece and of the modern world, while I refer to the Roman responsibility and the Roman irresponsibility, the Mystery yet inscribed.

The Word of God is sharper than any two-edged sword. It was with God in the beginning, and shall be the instrument in Revelation that conquers evil and the enemies of God. I believe the events of the Apocalypse have been unfolding for many years now, and that in fact, it is nearly finished. You say, where? And, when? The reason we look and do not see, hear but do not understand, is that the Book of Revelation is symbolic, in the sense that it is not an allegory but a simultaneously literal and mystical prophecy of today. This can only be true because the events in the world that are now taking place are symbolic as well. The first beast has already come and gone, and the second recommends him. The sixth is reigning now, with the seventh to come. Rome will always be Rome. Jerusalem will always be. Fallen is Babylon, symbolically, which the whole world witnessed. I believe that primarily the destruction is about the Church, which did not deconstruct like the Soviet Union, but which

could not escape corruption morally and really in doctrine as well, because of what is known as the trace. The taint of the trace has hollowed out the Church and a fortiori the world while the world still stands, empty, hollow, void, virtual. As Peter says, if judgment begins at the House of God, where does the poor sinner stand? It seems the death culture we have been warned against by recent successors of Peter was unavoidable, and that deconstruction in its texts furthered the death drive to the abyss. The repetition, the return, the circularity, the vicious circle, the step not taken beyond, the logic of the abyssal text can be broken by the logic of the impossible, that is, by grace, because God alone can do the impossible, and has, and does, and will. The battle between love and death remarked often in Scripture is being enacted today, and occurs in my books from beginning to end, a kind of miniature mirror of the drama of the ages we are experiencing, but too often, without meaning. I

myself have been a coward toward Gods Word, shown but little charity, little patience, wanting it all, and right now. But healing follows chastisement. Though I have done next to nothing, though Israel has betrayed God, that is the Church has not practiced the theory of Christianity lived by only a few, yet God can work salvation for many. But we, I think, must believe and turn around, not simply spinning, but breaking the circle and marking out a straight path, narrow, hard to find, but true. Ask, seek, knock, give, love, pray, believe. Tell the truth. That the end is not only near, but almost over, who could have guessed? Where the corpse is, there the vultures shall gather. If you need Him, He will be there. He said so. Trust in His mercy. Turn away from the world toward the Good, and be transformed by the renewal of your mind. The Church tried reform and renewal, but failed, and now we will see what God does or allows to happen to it, and to the world. Yet, the Word of God will arrive, the

Sword, and in truth defeat death, deconstruction and all who make a lie. We need not worry about the contradictions in Scripture, in theory and practice, or in our own selves. But let us admit the truth and know what we are, what our world has become, what the Church has, too, sadly become. What we are we should know. But who we are to God, that we do not yet know, and so we may hope in His goodness and mercy, which is under the control of no one else but Jesus Christ. We have been given time, given temptation, but shown mercy. Rome may not understand, may never know, but you and I, we should try to understand, the drama of our own unfaithfulness, while God stood faithfully by. Our return is not eternal, but takes place in time. Prodigals, Magdalenes, let us return.

Michael Bolerjack