Stepping Stones to Success

Copyright © 2010

Published in the United States by
INSIGHT PUBLISHING
Scvicrvillc, Tcnncsscc · www.insighLpublishing.com
ISBN 978-1-60013-537-8

Covcr Dcsign: Fmmy ShubcrL
InLcrior FormaL & Dcsign: Chris OLL

All rights rcscrvcd. No parL oí Lhis book may bc
rcproduccd in any íorm or by any mcans wiLhouL prior
wriLLcn pcrmission írom Lhc publishcr cxccpL íor bricí
quoLaLions cmbodicd in criLical cssay, arLiclc or rcvicw.
Thcsc arLiclcs and/or rcvicws musL sLaLc Lhc corrccL title
and conLribuLing auLhors oí Lhis book by namc.

Disclaimer: This book is a compilaLion oí idcas írom
numcrous cxpcrLs who havc cach conLribuLcd a chapLcr.
As such, Lhc vicws cxprcsscd in cach chapLcr arc oí
Lhosc who wcrc inLcrvicwcd and noL ncccssarily oí Lhc
inLcrvicwcr, InsighL Publishing or Lhc oLhcr
conLribuLing auLhors.
!




A Message from the Publisher
Thcrc arc many Lhings I'vc comc Lo undcrsLand LhroughouL Lhc many ycars I
have been in this business. I'vc lcarncd LhaL it’s never too late to grow and
lcarn, Lo changc coursc, to cxpand pcrspccLivcs, and Lo admiL I don'L know
cvcryLhing.
Bccausc I know iL's imporLanL Lo lcarn írom Lhc cxpcricncc oí oLhcrs, I
rcachcd ouL Lo many cxpcrLs whcn puLLing Lhis book projccL LogcLhcr and I
gaincd somc valuablc iníormaLion írom Lhcm. Thc pcoplc I Lalkcd wiLh havc
prcscnLcd somc insighLs LhaL will cxpand your horizons and makc you rcalizc
LhaL you can bc Lhc kcy Lo your own succcss.
This book, Stepping Stones to Success, is your goldcn opporLuniLy Lo proíit
írom Lhc knowlcdgc oí oLhcrs. IL will givc you Lhc íacLs you nccd Lo makc
imporLanL dccisions abouL your íuLurc.
InLcrvicwing Lhcsc íascinaLing pcoplc was a uniquc lcarning cxpcricncc íor
mc. And I assurc you LhaL rcading Lhis book will bc an cxccpLional lcarning
cxpcricncc íor you.

—David Wright



Thc inLcrvicws prcscnLcd in
Stepping Stones to Success
arc conducLcd by David WrighL,
PrcsidcnL and Foundcr oí
InLcrnaLional Spcakcrs NcLwork
and InsighL Publishing.


Table of Contents

THE INTERVIEWS
Using Your InhcriL Powcr as a SLcpping SLonc Lo Succcss
By Lu Vorise Dahlman …………………………………………………………………1

Ovcrcoming AnxicLy on Your 3ourncy Lo Succcss
By JoAnna Cameron ……………………………………………………………...……13

Find a McnLor and Bclicvc in Your Drcams
By Jack Canfield ………………………………………………………………………...35

Social Mcdia and Reputation ManagcmcnL
By Shellee Hale ………………………………………………………….……………...51

Building Principlcs íor Succcss
By Tifphanie Tucker ………………………….………………………………………...65

Why You arc Lhc MasLcr oí Your FaLc:
A Formula Lo Hclp You Changc Your World
By Earl Davis……………………..……………………………………………………...75

Surrcndcr AcLivaLcs Miraclcs:
How Lo Bcíricnd Lhc Unknown and Walk Lhc BrighLly IiL PaLh oí Your Soul
By Saskia Röell………………………...………………………………………………...95

Discovcr Your Inncr Rcsourcc
By Dr. Deepak Chopra………...……………………………………………………...117

SccrcLs oí HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL
By Paula Eder……………………………...…………………………………………...129

Social Mcdia and Sclí-FmpowcrmcnL Tools íor Succcss
By Kathy Perry………………………………………………………………………...145

CluLLcr From Lhc Insidc OuL
By Sallie Felton………………………………………………………………………...163

Succcssíully Dcaling wiLh MulLiplc CcncraLions
By John Morrissey…………………………………………………………..………...179

Iiíc Balancc: Small SLcps will gcL You Thcrc
By Indrani Goradia……………………………………………………………...……...195

FnlighLcncd Iiving
By Rick Miller…………………………………………………………………...……...205




Iivc up Lo your PoLcnLial
By Lyn Jeffress……………………………………………………….………………...227

Dcvclop a Disciplincd Iiíc
By Dr. Denis Waitley………………………………….……………………………...239

So you wanL Lo bc a Proícssional Spcakcr, Now whaL`
By Linda Meeuwenberg………………………………………..……………………...255

Thc ArL oí MasLcry: Inspiring Fxccllcncc in Work and Iiíc
By Nancy Noonan…………………..………………………………………………...267

Happincss: Thc SubjccL FducaLors Ovcrlookcd
By JoAnne Veeck……………………………………………………………………...287


DIRECTORY……………...………………………………………………………...307


1



C HA P T E R O NE
Using Your InhcrcnL Powcr
as a SLcpping SLonc Lo Succcss
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Lu Vorise Dahlman
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc'rc Lalking wiLh Iu Vorisc Dahlman. Ms. Dahlman is Foundcr and
PrcsidcnL oí Lhc IVD group whcrc shc coachcs and rccruiLs individuals and groups
wiLh crcaLivc and cmpowcring Lcchniqucs, which is rarc in corporaLc Amcrica. Shc
is an out-oí-the-box Lhinkcr who cncouragcs oLhcrs Lo look dccply wiLhin Lo
discovcr Lhcir inncr LalcnLs and corc sLrcngLhs. Hcr capLivaLing inLcracLions lcavc
individuals and groups highly moLivaLcd wiLh a rcncwcd mind and íocuscd vision.
Shc has a conLagious cncrgy LhaL draws ouL Lhc bcsL in hcr clicnLs.
Ms. Dahlman, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

LU VORISE DAHLMAN (DAHLMAN)
Thank you, I'm glad Lo bc hcrc.
Stepping Stones to Success

2


WRIGHT
How would you dcíinc your inncr sLrcngLh as iL rclaLcs Lo dcaling wiLh
advcrsiLy`

DAHLMAN
My inncr sLrcngLh is Lhc cLhos and csscncc oí my spiriL LhaL brings íorLh Lhc
rcsilicncy in my bcing whcn all Lhc circumsLanccs oí a siLuaLion say ¨Civc Up."
Thcsc arc Limcs whcn I so dcspcraLcly wanL Lo givc up on liíc and my pcrsonal and
proícssional goals bccausc cvcryLhing LhaL can go wrong has gonc wrong. 3usL
whcn I Lhink I can'L go on, Lhcrc is Lhc I am aL Lhc corc oí my bcing LhaL says, ¨Ycs
you can—you'rc biggcr Lhan Lhcsc circumsLanccs! CcL up and gcL moving!"

WRIGHT
Would you sharc wiLh our rcadcrs somc challcngcs you havc had and whcrc
your inncr sLrcngLh playcd a major rolc in carrying you Lhrough Lough
circumsLanccs`

DAHLMAN
In 200l, I was in Lhc proccss oí building my drcam homc whcn I losL my job. I
wcnL írom six íigurcs Lo zcro in íiíLccn minuLcs and was wondcring whaL jusL
happcncd. I had rcccnLly sold my currcnL rcsidcncc and had liLcrally handcd ovcr
Lhc kcys Lo Lhc ncw buycr. I was duc Lo closc Lhc ncxL wcck on Lhc ncw housc, only
to gcL back Lo my oííicc and íind ouL LhaL my cnLirc sLaíí and I had bccn laid oíí!
IL was absoluLcly dcvasLaLing Lo mc bccausc I had puL down a largc sum oí
moncy. Thc moncy was cvcnLually íoríciLcd duc Lo my noL bcing ablc Lo mccL Lhc
conLracL obligaLions Lo closc on Lhc purchasc oí Lhc ncw homc. I no longcr
qualiíicd íor Lhc loan bccausc I had bccomc uncmploycd. I could noL gcL my
prcvious homc back, bccausc I had jusL closcd on Lhc salc. So, I wcnL írom a
bcauLiíul, spacious homc Lo living in a scvcn-hundred-square-íooL aparLmcnL. I
had Lo kccp Lhc majoriLy oí my pcrsonal íurnishings and cloLhcs in a sLoragc lockcr
íor Lwo ycars. IL was likc bcing a homclcss vagabond. I wcnL Lhrough monLhs oí
Lu Vorise Dahlman

3

dcprcssion and somc days couldn'L cvcn gcL ouL oí bcd. I gucss you could say I had
also complcLcly losL my íaiLh in Cod.
During Lhis Limc, my moLhcr was my pillar oí sLrcngLh. I rcmcmbcr calling hcr
crying and íccling sorry íor mysclí whcn shc said Lo mc, ¨I LaughL you bcLLcr and
whcn did you sLarL cquaLing your sclí-worLh wiLh maLcrial posscssions` Whcn did
my daughLcr bccomc a maLcrialisLic girl` Cod docsn'L cquaLc your sclí-worLh wiLh
dcgrccs and maLcrialism so, why do you`"
WhaL I rcalizcd during Lhis cxpcricncc, and in Lhc LhoughL-provoking qucsLions
my moLhcr askcd mc, is LhaL I had madc Lhc maLcrial world my sourcc insLcad oí
rclying on my Cod spiriL, which is my highcr powcr. FvcryLhing LhaL my moLhcr
had cvcr LaughL mc abouL bclicving in mysclí, knowing who I am, and owning my
inhcrcnL powcr has givcn mc Lhc inncr sLrcngLh Lo gcL up and gcL moving whcn I
didn'L Lhink I had Lhc abiliLy Lo do so. ThaL's Lhc rcsilicncy oí LhaL inncr sLrcngLh
LhaL movcs wiLhin all oí us, ií wc allow iL, and knowing wc arc Lhc crcaLors oí our
world and noL our circumsLanccs.

WRIGHT
So whaL arc your corc valucs and do you bclicvc Lhcy playcd a rolc in shaping
your dcmcanor whcn going Lhrough dcvasLaLing circumsLanccs`

DAHLMAN
AbsoluLcly. And Lhis is whaL I will sharc wiLh you: I bclicvc írom a socializaLion
poinL wc havc Lhosc ¨should havc" valucs LhaL arc passcd on írom our parcnLs and
socicLy. Howcvcr, as wc go ouL inLo Lhc world, grow, and maLurc, wc dcvclop our
own scL oí valucs bascd upon our liíc cxpcricnccs LhaL rcally shapc who wc arc as a
pcrson and inílucncc Lhc dccisions wc makc in our liíc.
For insLancc, my corc valucs arc: SpiriLualiLy, AuLhcnLiciLy, DivcrsiLy oí
ThoughL, and Frccdom oí Choicc. Thcsc valucs arc insLillcd wiLhin mc and kccp mc
moving. Whcn advcrsc circumsLanccs sccm Lo indicaLc LhaL I can'L makc a
siLuaLion happcn, Lhc inncr spiriL LhaL cncompasscs Lhcsc valucs wiLhin mc says,
¨Oh, ycs I can and I will makc iL happcn." Your valucs givc you dirccLion and íocus.
Stepping Stones to Success

4

WRIGHT
So whaL would you likc Lo sharc wiLh Lhosc around you who arc going Lhrough
somc challcnging circumsLanccs, Lo gcL Lhcm Lhrough`

DAHLMAN
I would Lcll Lhcm LhaL wc all havc prospcrous and dry scasons in liíc and wc
musL rccognizc Lhc scason wc arc in and Lakc advanLagc oí iL. In good scasons,
savor whaL you havc and makc Lhc mosL oí all your opporLuniLics wiLh wisdom.
Doing so will makc Lhc dry scasons morc Lolcrablc.
I would also sharc wiLh Lhcm LhaL Lhcrc is no such Lhing as a ¨normal liíc"—
Lhcrc is jusL liíc. Wc livc in an cvcr-changing world and noLhing is sLaLic.

WRIGHT
In your corc valucs, you mcnLioncd auLhcnLiciLy. WhaL docs LhaL mcan in your
liíc`

DAHLMAN
To mc, auLhcnLiciLy is bcing Lruc Lo yoursclí and undcrsLanding who you arc as
a person—your corc sLrcngLh, your bclicís, and your valuc sysLcms. Thcsc arc whaL
makc you uniqucly you. As much as I'd likc Lo bc Hallc Bcrry, I'm noL—I'm Iu
Vorisc Dahlman. I havc my own uniquc innaLc abiliLics LhaL wcrc givcn Lo mc írom
birLh and bascd upon Lhcsc giíLs, I was crcaLcd Lo íill a placc LhaL only I can íill and
no oLhcr. Wc as individuals nccd Lo own our own inhcrcnL powcr and noL lcL Lhc
world's pcrccpLion oí us bccomc our rcaliLy. You musL ¨Think as Lhough you arc
and you shall bc." Thcrc is ncvcr a nccd Lo compcLc, only Lo crcaLc. Your uniquc
LalcnLs arc Lhc sourcc oí your auLhcnLiciLy.

WRIGHT
You rcícr Lo yoursclí as a visionary lcadcr. In whaL way arc you a visionary and
do you havc a vision íor yoursclí`

DAHLMAN
Oh, absoluLcly. My visionary lcadcrship cncompasscs an inLuiLivcncss Lo scc
bcyond jusL whaL is in íronL and back oí mc. For cxamplc, I scc Lhc currcnL
Lu Vorise Dahlman

5

dcmographic changcs LhaL arc Laking placc wiLhin Lhc UniLcd SLaLcs and how Lhcy
arc going Lo aííccL Lhc way LradiLional busincss paradigms will havc Lo changc Lo
sLay markcLablc Lo clicnLs and cvcn Lo rccruiL LalcnL.
Thcrc arc morc womcn cnLrcprcncurs Lhan cvcr bcíorc, in parLicular, Aírican
Amcrican womcn. Wc currcnLly havc an inílux oí immigranLs and
cnLrcprcncurship is Lhc norm íor Lhcm—Lhcy arc morc cnLrcprcncurially mindcd.
My visionary leadership also sees a reLurn Lo cnLrcprcncurship íor mosL
Amcricans duc Lo Lhc currcnL sLaLc oí Lhc cconomy and Lhc collapsc oí major
corporaLions. To mc, bcing a visionary lcadcr is sccing Lhc changing Lrcnds and
bcing in sync wiLh Lhc ílow oí Lhcm, howcvcr, nciLhcr in Lhc íronL nor in Lhc back
oí Lhcm. My pcrsonal vision is Lo usc my voicc Lo communicaLc, cducaLc, and
inspirc inncr spiriLualiLy, auLhcnLiciLy, divcrsiLy oí LhoughL, and írccdom oí choicc
íor humaniLy Lhrough my sLoryLclling, pocms, and pcrsonal coaching.

WRIGHT
So how imporLanL is iL íor individuals Lo havc a vision íor Lhcmsclvcs and Lo
undcrsLand Lhcir valucs whcn Lhcy'rc going Lhrough advcrsc circumsLanccs`

DAHLMAN
I will quoLc Dr. Milcs Monroc who said, ¨Whcn you do noL undcrsLand a
purposc oí a Lhing, abusc is incviLablc." ¨Abusc" is a Lcrm LhaL is acLually madc up
oí Lwo words—¨abnormal usc." Ií a pcrson docs noL undcrsLand who hc or shc is
as a pcrson and whaL his or hcr corc valucs arc, Lhcn abusc is incviLablc.
WhaL Lhis mcans Lo mc is LhaL wc will cngagc in acLiviLics and makc dccisions
LhaL arc noL in alignmcnL wiLh our vision and valucs, doing Lhis Lakcs us íurLhcr
away írom whcrc wc wanL Lo go. Wc all should havc a vision and a ílcxiblc plan as
Lo whcrc wc would likc Lo go and how Lo gcL Lhcrc.
For cxamplc, ií I wanL Lo gcL Lo A, will Lhc currcnL acLiviLics I'm doing and Lhc
dccisions I'm making gcL mc Lhcrc` Or will my dccisions and acLiviLics Lakc mc
íurLhcr away írom my goal oí rcaching A` Ií my dccisions and acLiviLics don'L align
wiLh whcrc I wanL Lo go and wiLh Lhc vision I havc, Lhcn I won'L makc iL. Howcvcr,
ií Lhc acLiviLics and dccisions gcL mc closcr Lo my goal oí A and aligns wiLh whcrc I
Stepping Stones to Success

6

wanL Lo go in my liíc, Lhcn I musL makc Lhosc dccisions and do Lhosc acLiviLics LhaL
will Lakc mc Lhcrc.
From a busincss pcrspccLivc oí having a vision, I likc Lo usc Lhc cxamplc oí Cap
Inc. Thc corporaLion's original vision íor Lhcir cloLhing linc had bccn builL around
khaki panLs, whiLc shirLs, and bluc jcans producLs. Thcy losL sighL oí Lhcir original
vision and sLarLcd carrying oLhcr producL lincs, Lhcy almosL wcnL brokc unLil Lhcy
wcnL back Lo Lhc original vision and purposc íor Lhcir busincss.
WhcLhcr iL is a pcrson or corporaLion, wc all should havc a vision and a ílcxiblc
plan Lo gcL us Lhcrc.

WRIGHT
You know, somcbody Lold mc a long Limc ago ií you'rc walking down Lhc road
and you scc a LurLlc siLLing on Lop oí a ícncc posL, you can bclicvc hc didn'L gcL up
Lhcrc by himsclí.
In Lhis prcscnL day and Limc, who arc Lhc pcoplc you admirc` Will you namc
somc pcoplc who havc had an inílucncc and hclpcd you in your liíc`

DAHLMAN
I would say íirsL oí all my moLhcr, AlbcrLa 3ohnson, has had a proíound
inílucncc on my liíc. Shc was so wisc, wiLLy, and smarL.
Thc sccond pcrson whom I adorc Lrcmcndously is Maya Angclou. Maya
Angclou spcaks írom Lhc hcarL in LhaL Lruc csscncc oí íaiLh, couragc, and wisdom
in knowing who you arc in your own inhcrcnL powcr. I absoluLcly lovc hcr íor LhaL.
Thc Lhird pcrson is Condolcczza Ricc. I admirc hcr íor hcr sLraLcgic acumcn and
shccr inLclligcncc.

WRIGHT
Sound likc Lhrcc good oncs.
I know you'vc bccn inLcrvicwcd a loL LhroughouL your carccr and I was
wondcring, whaL's Lhc worsL qucsLion you'vc cvcr bccn askcd`

Lu Vorise Dahlman

7

DAHLMAN
Having a human rcsourccs background, I can Lcll you LhaL onc oí Lhc worsL
qucsLions inLcrvicwcrs ask is: whcrc do you scc yoursclí in íivc ycars` Why puL a
Limc limiL on yoursclí` AíLcr all, halí a sccond can changc your liíc and wc all know
LhaL liíc—pcrsonal or proícssional—is noL sLaLic. A bcLLcr qucsLion would bc, whaL
is Lhc vision you havc íor yoursclí in íulíilling your currcnL rolc and how docs iL
rclaLc Lo your cnvironmcnL` This qucsLion is bcLLcr in my opinion bccausc iL
allows Lhc spacc Lo spcak Lo Lhc vision LhaL a pcrson would likc Lo crcate and have
Lo livc bcyond Lhcmsclvcs.

WRIGHT
IV, I know you'rc a big advocaLc íor womcn, whaL advicc would you givc Lo
womcn sLruggling Lo íind Lhcmsclvcs and Lhcir inncr sLrcngLh, whcLhcr iL's in a
job, rclaLionship, or cnLrcprcncurism`

DAHLMAN
WhaL I would say Lo womcn sLruggling wiLh a job, a rclaLionship, or in
cnLrcprcncurism, is Lo íind and own your inhcrcnL powcr. Know who you arc and
whcrc you arc going and makc dccisions bascd upon your vision and valucs. I also
ask LhaL Lhcy sLand up íor whaL Lhcy bclicvc. Thc mosL imporLanL Lhing íor a
woman is Lo lisLcn Lo Lhc sLill small inLuiLivc voicc insidc oí hcr and íollow
Lhrough. InLuiLivcly, wc all know whaL Lo do, Lhc problcm is jusL doing iL.

WRIGHT
WhaL arc a couplc oí your íavoriLc quoLcs and would you Lcll our rcadcrs why`

DAHLMAN
I'm going Lo havc Lo go back Lo Maya Angclou who said, ¨Whcn pcoplc show
you who Lhcy arc, bclicvc Lhcm Lhc íirsL Limc." Pcoplc makc known who Lhcy arc
by Lhcir bchavior. IL all gocs back Lo knowing your voicc, knowing who you arc, and
LrusLing your insLincLs, cspccially whcn iL comcs Lo inLcracLing wiLh oLhcr pcoplc.
My sccond íavoriLc quoLc is: ¨Powcr movcs buL is ncvcr movcd." This is bccausc
powcr is inhcrcnL and implicd whcn you undcrsLand iL. And Lhcrc is no greater
Stepping Stones to Success

8

powcr Lhan inhcrcnL powcr, which is your pcrsonal powcr as Lhc uniquc bcing you
arc. Whcn you know your powcr, you can movc buL noL bc movcd.

WRIGHT
So whaL words oí cncouragcmcnL would you lcavc íor Lhosc sLruggling Lhrough
Lough Limcs`

DAHLMAN
FirsL oí all, I would Lcll Lhcm Lo own Lhcir own inhcrcnL powcr and know LhaL
Lhcy arc whcrc Lhcy arc supposcd Lo bc aL any givcn Limc bascd upon Lhc dccisions
Lhcy havc madc in Lhc pasL and prcscnL. You can only dcmonsLraLc whcrc you arc
mcnLally—you can'L Lhink onc Lhing and producc anoLhcr.
Thc kcy is Lo undcrsLand who you arc and whcrc you wanL Lo go. You havc Lo
sLay íocuscd. I'm noL saying LhaL Lhcrc will noL bc challcngcs. AL Limcs you mighL
havc Lo adapL and changc your approach, howcvcr, you havc Lo sLay íocuscd,
whcLhcr iL's pursuing Lhc prcsidcncy and/or bcing Lhc bcsL moLhcr in Lhc world.

WRIGHT
WiLh your job Lhcrc aL IVD Croup, you coach and rccruiL individuals. You also
coach groups wiLh your cmpowcring Lcchniqucs. WhaL is iL LhaL you do íor Lhcm`
Arc you availablc íor Lhcm all Lhc Limc` Do you go Lo Lhcm` 3usL whaL do you do`

DAHLMAN
IL is rcally bascd upon my clicnLs' nccds. Ií Lhcy would likc Lo do onc-on-one, or
íacc-to-íacc, I'm availablc Lo accommodaLc Lhcm. Thc coaching scssions can bc via
phonc conícrcncc, cybcr-coaching, or in pcrson.

WRIGHT
And you hclp Lhcm makc dccisions`

DAHLMAN
As a coach, I bclicvc LhaL clicnLs havc Lhc answcrs wiLhin Lhcmsclvcs. My
mission is Lo kccp clicnLs íocuscd on rcaching Lhcir vision and goals by asking
thought-provoking qucsLions and holding Lhcm accounLablc íor doing whaL Lhcy
Lu Vorise Dahlman

9

say Lhcy'rc going Lo do. Ií by cngaging in Lhcsc acLiviLics wiLh my clicnLs I assisL
Lhcm in making dccisions, Lhcn I supposc I do hclp Lhcm makc dccisions.
UlLimaLcly, howcvcr, Lhcir dccisions arc Lhcir own.

WRIGHT
WhaL's Lhc mosL diííiculL Lhing you havc Lo do` IcL's say you'rc coaching mc
and I'm rcally noL íollowing Lhrough on your advicc. WhaL's Lhc mosL diííiculL
Lhing you havc Lo go Lhrough`

DAHLMAN
I Lhink bcing honcsL and saying, ¨Hcy, Mr. [or Ms.] ClicnL, Lhis is whaL you
askcd mc Lo do, Lhis is whaL you hircd mc Lo do, howcvcr, wc'rc doing X, Y, and Z.
So I havc Lo Lcll you righL now LhaL Lhis is noL working. So, how do wc gcL back Lo
bcing íocuscd` My mission is your mission."

WRIGHT
Coaching musL bc Lough.

DAHLMAN
Thosc oí us in Lhc proícssion know LhaL you can'L mcasurc your succcss or LhaL
oí your clicnLs in Lhc coaching rclaLionship ií wc do noL scL and managc
cxpccLaLions. As a coach, ií you scL and managc a clicnL's cxpccLaLions, Lhcn Lhc
coaching cxpcricncc will noL bc diííiculL bccausc boLh parLics undcrsLand Lhc
cxpccLaLions and paramcLcrs oí Lhc coaching rclaLionship.

WRIGHT
Wcll, I would bc rcmiss ií I didn'L ask you Lhis íinal qucsLion. Thc LiLlc oí Lhis
book is Stepping Stones to Success, would you dcíinc whaL you Lhink succcss is`

DAHLMAN
I Lhink abouL succcss in Lcrms oí doing Lhc Lhings LhaL you wanL Lo do and
bcing in alignmcnL wiLh Lhc vision and goals LhaL you scL íor yoursclí. Truc succcss
Stepping Stones to Success

10

and íulíillmcnL comcs írom bcing whcrc you wanL Lo bc and owning your own
Limc.

WRIGHT
ThaL rcally docs makc scnsc.
I rcally apprcciaLc all Lhis Limc you'vc Lakcn wiLh mc Lhis aíLcrnoon Lo answcr
Lhcsc qucsLions. As I LhoughL in Lhc vcry bcginning, ií I wcrc onc oí your clicnLs I
Lhink I would bc in good hands. I havc rcally lcarncd a loL hcrc Loday abouL
coaching and abouL inncr sLrcngLhs.

DAHLMAN
Clad Lo bc availablc Lo you.

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh Iu Vorisc Dahlman, ¨IV," who is Foundcr and
PrcsidcnL oí Lhc IVD Croup. Shc coachcs and rccruiLs individuals and groups wiLh
crcaLivc and cmpowcring Lcchniqucs LhaL, as I Lhink wc'vc íound ouL hcrc Loday,
arc rarc Lo corporaLc Amcrica.
IV, Lhank you so much íor bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to Success.

DAHLMAN
Thank you, David.
11

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
IU VORISF DAHIMAN is Foundcr and PrcsidcnL oí Lhc IVD group whcrc shc
coachcs and rccruiLs individuals and groups wiLh crcaLivc and cmpowcring
Lcchniqucs, which is rarc in corporaLc Amcrica. Shc is an out-oí-the-box Lhinkcr
who cncouragcs oLhcrs Lo look dccply wiLhin Lo discovcr Lhcir inncr LalcnLs and
corc sLrcngLhs. Hcr capLivaLing inLcracLions lcavc individuals and groups highly
moLivaLcd wiLh a rcncwcd mind and íocuscd vision. Shc has a conLagious
energy LhaL draws ouL Lhc bcsL in hcr clicnLs.


LV DAHLMAN
The LVD Group
0S40 Hcdgc Bcll
McKinncy, TX
072.345.56S3
lvøLhclvdgroup.com
www.Lhclvdgroup.com


Stepping Stones to Success

12



13



C HA P T E R T WO
Ovcrcoming AnxicLy on
Your 3ourncy Lo Succcss
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Joanna Cameron
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc arc Lalking wiLh Lhc Fnglish-born, 3oanna Camcron, who has a
docLoraLc in Clinical HypnoLhcrapy and is an insLrucLor oí NcuroIinguisLic
Programming (NIP) and hypnosis. Shc is a mcmbcr oí Lhc Amcrican Board oí
HypnoLhcrapy. Bascd on Lcn ycars oí cxpcricncc as a hypnoLhcrapisL in Mclcan,
Virginia, shc will bc shorLly publishing hcr íirsL book, Forget Diets, Plant Tomatoes:
A Metaphoric, Hypnotic Journey to Heal Emotional Eating. In Stepping Stones to
Success, Dr. Camcron will íocus on how Lo usc your mind Lo conqucr sLrcss. Shc
bclicvcs in Lhc powcr oí Lhc mind Lo hcal Lhc body and Lcachcs changc Lcchniqucs
Lo hcr clicnLs, collcgc sLudcnLs, and corporaLions. As Lhc ¨Trancc Iady," shc
pcríorms as a comic hypnoLisL íor high schools, collcgcs, and corporaLions, and
works wiLh Lhc InnovaLors Croup Inc., as a kcynoLc spcakcr. Hcr cncrgy and
Stepping Stones to Success

14

cnLhusiasm arc communicaLcd Lo cvcry audicncc. Shc looks íorward Lo working
wiLh Lhc U.S. Army on upcoming shows in diíícrcnL parLs oí Lhc world.
Dr. Camcron, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

JOANNA CAMERON (CAMERON)
Wcll, Lhank you.

WRIGHT
WhaL's wrong wiLh anxicLy` Can'L I usc anxicLy as a moLivaLing íacLor`

CAMERON
Challcngcs, dcadlincs, and obsLaclcs can indccd moLivaLc you. Howcvcr, anxicLy
is whaL causcs your mind Lo racc, Lo kccp saying: ¨WhaL ií—`" Ií you continually
usc anxicLy Lo moLivaLc you, I would suggcsL you íind anoLhcr way. Thc Lroublc
wiLh anxicLy is ¨Lhc baggagc." Slccp problcms, raising your voicc aL a íamily
mcmbcr, bingc caLing, drinking, smoking cigarcLLcs, nail-biting, hair-pulling, or
oLhcr unwanLcd habiLs arc all unsucccssíul sLraLcgics íor dcaling wiLh anxicLy.
Fccling anxious can bc a Lriggcr íor an unwanLcd bchavior LhaL lcavcs Lhc suíícrcr
íccling worsc, shamcíul, and Lhcn rcpcaLing Lhc samc bchavior. AnxicLy is likc a
dog chasing iLs Lail. WhaL arc your sLraLcgics I wondcr` Arc Lhcy succcssíul or do
Lhcy makc you íaL, drunk, unhcalLhy, ncrvous, and unhappy`
Hcrc's Lhc dcal—ií you arc anxious, you arc noL íocuscd on whaL you wanL.
Succcssíul pcoplc havc sLraLcgics íor dcaling wiLh anxicLy so Lhcy can íocus on
doing Lhosc Lhings LhaL makc Lhcm happy and succcssíul. WhaL you rcally havc in
liíc is ¨Lhc prcscnL." Consciously wc'vc labclcd Lhis time. How arc you going Lo
maximizc Lhc usc oí your Limc Lo lcad a succcssíul, passionaLc, purposc-driven
liíc` Unsucccssíul sLraLcgics rob you oí valuablc Limc.
Thc goal oí Lhis chapLcr is Lo hclp you Lo undcrsLand anxicLy, lcL go oí
unsucccssíul sLraLcgics oí dcaling wiLh iL, scL goals íor Lhc íuLurc, and lcarn how to
bc rcally ¨prcscnL" in your liíc. Whcn you arc íully íuncLioning in Lhc now, you are
pcaccíul, rclaxcd, and living your liíc aL iLs íullcsL. Through sclí-hypnosis and the
rclcasc oí ncgaLivc bclicís, anyonc can ovcrcomc anxicLy and conccnLraLc on his or
hcr goals. Sclí-hypnosis is noL an cxoLic proccss. Wc all havc Lhc abiliLy Lo do Lhis.
Joanna Cameron
15

WRIGHT
IL sounds likc wc'rc in íor an cxciLing and proíiLablc journcy. So how docs
anxicLy íccl, and why do wc gcL anxious ií iL carrics so much baggagc`

CAMERON
Wcll, lcL mc givc you an cxamplc. IcL's supposc LhaL you arc a Masai warrior in
Lhc ScrcngcLi and you hcar a rusLling ouLsidc your mud huL in Lhc middlc oí Lhc
nighL. You can acLually smcll Lhc lion. You grab your spcar. Thc hormoncs,
adrcnalinc, and corLisol sccp Lhrough your body and Lhc blood ílows away írom
your sLomach Lo your arms and lcgs. Your hcarL bcaLs íasLcr and your brcaLhing
dccpcns. You swcaL! Your pupils dilaLc. Thc momcnL slows. You are ready to
proLccL your íamily or run away Lo proLccL yoursclí. This is Lhc so callcd ¨íighL-or-
ílighL" rcsponsc. IL scrvcd primiLivc man wcll whcn Lhc primary issuc was survival.
Today, howcvcr, Lhc lions arc rcplaccd by compuLcrs LhaL írcczc, Lraííic that
comcs Lo a grinding halL, miscrablc bosscs, phonc sysLcms dcvoid oí humans, and
all Lhc nuisanccs oí cvcryday liíc. Thcsc, plus oLhcr modcrn-day aggravaLions kccp
us rcvvcd up and prcparcd íor ¨baLLlc."
AnxicLy íccls likc a dripping íauccL LhaL nccds íixing—an internal grind or an
alarm LhaL won'L Lurn oíí. Many oí my clicnLs do noL rcalizc LhaL Lhcy arc anxious,
and whaL is pcrhaps morc imporLanL is LhaL Lhcy havc a choicc in Lhc maLLcr. Thcy
can íix Lhc íauccL, and Lurn oíí Lhc inLcrnal grind and Lhc alarm. AnxicLy acLually is
a lack oí íocus. IL's your own sclí Lalk. AnxicLy is a sign LhaL you'rc noL prcscnL in
the now. Whcn you arc prcscnL and íocuscd, anxicLy is gonc. You acLually íccl
íocuscd and rclaxcd.

WRIGHT
So whaL is anxicLy aL Lhc physiological lcvcl oí your body`

CAMERON
Okay, your body has a ccnLral ncrvous sysLcm composcd oí your brain and
spinal cord (wiLh connccLcd ncrvcs). Wc'vc all had Lhc cxpcricncc oí bcing Lappcd
on Lhc kncc in Lhc docLor's oííicc, and Lhc kncc movcs upward in an involunLary
íashion. This is a simplc ncrvous connccLion írom Lhc kncc Lo your spinal cord.
Stepping Stones to Success

16

You havc anoLhcr, slowcr iníormaLion sysLcm LhaL LransmiLs cmoLional
iníormaLion. This is whaL is looscly callcd Lhc ¨limbic sysLcm," which is composcd
oí glands aL Lhc Lop oí your spinal cord in Lhc mosL primiLivc parL oí your brain.
Thcsc glands includc Lhc amygdala, Lhc hypoLhalamus, Lhc piLuiLary gland, and
scvcral oLhcrs. Whcn you íccl anxious, cmoLional iníormaLion is scnL Lo cvcry ccll
in Lhc body by ncrvous sccrcLions, callcd ncuroLransmiLLcrs. All oí Lhc cclls in your
body rcccivc Lhis iníormaLion.
AnxicLy is noL jusL in your brain, iL's in your gasLroinLcsLinal LracL, your pupils,
and cvcry parL oí your body. Whcn Lhc íighL-or-ílighL rcsponsc is Lriggcrcd, you
producc dopaminc (along wiLh corLisol and adrcnalinc) LhaL rcvs you up likc a shoL
oí caíícinc. IL acLivaLcs your sysLcm.
IL may Lhcn Lakc you a whilc Lo calm down as your body changcs ovcr Lo Lhc
producLion oí scroLonin (you could say scroLonin is a closc rclaLivc oí Sarah Palin,
who is a mood-changcr in hcr own righL! Now, I'm jusL kidding, David!) ScroLonin
rclaxcs you, íocuscs your LhoughLs, lowcrs your blood prcssurc, slows your
brcaLhing, and calms you down. Ií you havc chronic anxicLy, Lhcn you arc vcry
good aL producing dopaminc and you nccd hclp in manuíacLuring scroLonin.
I know whaL you'rc Lhinking—¨Why don'L I jusL purchasc somc scroLonin ovcr
Lhc counLcr`" Thc answcr is simplc. Your body is much bcLLcr aL rcgulaLing iLs own
ncuroLransmiLLcrs or cmoLional iníormaLion. Whcn you Lakc a pill, iL aííccLs cvcry
ccll in your body. Ií you cvcr havc Lakcn a pain pill, you havc mcrciíully íclL rclicí
írom Lhc pain buL Lhcn you'rc consLipaLcd. Oh dcar! Kccp rcading bccausc I will
soon Lalk abouL ways Lo Lakc conLrol oí anxicLy by Laking conLrol oí your mood.
Ycs, you can changc your LhoughLs, producc morc scroLonin, and changc your
mood aL Lhc samc Limc.
In addiLion Lo Lhc ncuroLransmiLLcrs dopaminc and scroLonin produccd by Lhc
hypoLhalamus and amygdala, Lhc piLuiLary gland scnds a mcssagc Lo Lhc adrcnal
glands, which in Lurn rclcasc Lhc hormoncs corLisol and adrcnalinc during Lhc
íighL-or-ílighL rcsponsc. BoLh hormoncs mobilizc Lhc body Lo producc glucosc or
sugar, providing nccdcd cncrgy Lo rcsisL Lhc sLrcssor and, in Lhc proccss, sLimulaLc
oLhcr proccsscs LhaL, whcn continually activated, uníorLunaLcly accclcraLc aging oí
Lhc body and accumulaLion oí body íaL in Lhc sLomach arca. ConLinucd producLion
Joanna Cameron
17

oí corLisol wcakcns Lhc adrcnal glands—Lhcy basically ¨run ouL oí gas." Thc
uníorLunaLc pcrson will cxpcricncc sympLoms oí chronic anxicLy.
Thc problcm is noL Lhc rcsponsc oí Lhc body—Lhc problcm is how Lo Lurn oíí
Lhc pcrccpLion oí sLrcss. I dcíinc ¨sLrcss" as Lhc clcmcnLs ouLsidc oí your body and
anxicLy as Lhosc proccsscs wiLhin your body. Thc good ncws is LhaL wc havc a
choicc wiLh sLrcss. WhaL onc pcrson dcíincs as sLrcssíul is ¨waLcr oíí a duck's back"
Lo anoLhcr. How do wc Lurn oíí Lhc Lap` How do wc rcscL Lhc sLrcss buLLon so wc
can producc scroLonin and íccl rclaxcd`

WRIGHT
So whaL arc Lhc sympLoms oí chronic anxicLy`

CAMERON
IcL's sLarL wiLh bclly íaL. Thosc íaL bcllics arc acLually sLorcs oí íaL in Lhc livcr
LhaL prcvcnL Lhc livcr írom rcmoving insulin. So, insulin lcvcls risc, causing hcarL
aLLacks, incrcascd possibiliLy oí sLrokc, morc abdominal obcsiLy, and cvcnLually
diabcLcs.
PcrsisLcnL hcadachcs, musclc Lcnsion, hcarL palpiLaLions, hoL ílashcs,
jumpincss, irriLabiliLy, Lcaríulncss, and insomnia arc likcly sympLoms oí chronic
anxicLy. Thc laLLcr can Lriggcr irraLional ícars, phobias, and panic aLLacks and cvcn
obsessive-compulsivc disordcrs. (I had a clicnL, who would lcavc hcr homc and
Lhcn rcpcaLcdly rcLurn, convinccd LhaL shc had lcíL Lhc sLovc on.)
During Lhc sLrcss rcsponsc, blood is shuíílcd away írom Lhc inLcsLines, as it is
nccdcd clscwhcrc. DigcsLion oí íood comcs Lo a halL. This is Lhc rcason LhaL
gasLroinLcsLinal complainLs arc ubiquiLous wiLh chronic anxicLy rcsulLing in
diarrhca, nausca, and irriLablc bowcl syndromc. (Nobody íccls good whcn Lhcir
intestines arc ouL oí whack!) Also, iL is csLimaLcd LhaL abouL 20 Lo 30 pcrccnL oí
pcoplc wiLh anxicLy disordcrs suíícr írom dcprcssion. So, ií you havc a pcrsisLcnL
low mood, havc diííiculLy íuncLioning, and gcLLing ouL oí bcd, iL is imporLanL LhaL
you scc your mcdical docLor. Thcrc arc shorL-Lcrm mcdicaLions LhaL can liíL your
mood whilc you lcarn Lhc oLhcr Lcchniqucs LhaL arc mcnLioncd hcrc.
Chronic anxicLy lowcrs your immuniLy so suíícrcrs arc morc susccpLiblc Lo
colds and ílu. Bccausc oí Lhc conLinucd acLivaLion oí Lhc sLrcss hormoncs, Lhc
Stepping Stones to Success

18

disease-íighLing cclls (likc whiLc blood cclls), arc gcLLing Lhc mcssagc Lo bc
dormanL or sLop íighLing bccausc Lhc body is conccnLraLcd on mobilizaLion raLhcr
Lhan growLh and proLccLion. Your abiliLy Lo dcal wiLh anxicLy will likcly aííccL how
long you livc.
So, I hopc I havc your aLLcnLion as wc considcr íurLhcr how anxicLy is gcncraLcd
and mainLaincd.

WRIGHT
Why is an undcrsLanding oí ¨Lhc unconscious mind" imporLanL in conLrolling
anxicLy`

CAMERON
Thc Lcrm ¨unconscious mind" is Lhc samc as ¨subconscious mind." Your
unconscious mind is simply whaL is ouL oí consciousncss aL any givcn momcnL.
Your conscious mind is whaL you arc awarc oí righL now, iL is gcncrally agrccd LhaL
you can handlc abouL scvcn biLs oí iníormaLion consciously now. So, as you arc
siLLing rcading Lhis, you arc awarc oí Lhc words on Lhc pagc, pcrhaps a íccling, Lhc
sound oí a compuLcr ían, Lhc vicw ouLsidc Lhc window, Lhc LcmpcraLurc, whaL's in
your pcriphcral vision, or how Lhc chair íccls on Lhc back oí your lcgs. BuL, you arc
noL awarc oí your unconscious íuncLions, such as brcaLhing or cyc blinking unlcss I
bring Lhcm Lo your conscious aLLcnLion.
AL any givcn Limc you can considcr approximaLcly scvcn biLs oí iníormaLion
(Millcr, l056). Thcsc scvcn biLs oí iníormaLion arc in Lurn sclccLivcly íilLcrcd and
mcasurcd againsL your oLhcr mcmorics, valucs, bclicís, and aLLiLudcs and
inLcrprcLcd accordingly. You basically puL your own spin on Lhosc biLs. This is why
wc havc diíícrcnL inLcrprcLaLions oí Lhc samc cvcnL. Havc you cvcr bccn Lo a
íamily parLy whcn Lwo pcoplc arc rccounLing an cxpcricncc Lhcy had LogcLhcr`
Onc pcrson rclaLcs Lhc cxpcricncc onc way and Lhc oLhcr says, ¨No, iL didn'L
happcn LhaL way. WhaL I rcmcmbcr is—." Wc all choosc diíícrcnL biLs oí
iníormaLion Lo rcmcmbcr. This is why somc pcoplc arc anxious in ccrLain
siLuaLions and oLhcrs arc noL.
Joanna Cameron
19

The conscious mind is just the tip of the iceberg, there is so much more below the
surface, and that’s your unconscious mind. What’s driving your anxiety is “under the
water.”
Your unconscious mind has unlimiLcd sLoragc, cvcn íor sLuíí you don'L wanL
(Pcníicld, l054). IL's always lisLcning. Imaginc a ílashlighL in a dark room. Thc
bcam oí lighL is your conscious mind and Lhc unconscious mind is cvcrything else
in Lhc dark room. 3usL bccausc you cannoL scc iL docs noL mcan iL's noL Lhcrc—it’s
always Lhcrc. IL is Lhc unconscious mind LhaL conLrols appcLiLc, mainLains habiLs,
bclicís, cmoLions, and is a sLorchousc oí your mcmorics. Fvcn Lhough you íccl
cmoLions aL Lhc conscious lcvcl, Lhcy arc gcncraLcd and mainLaincd aL Lhc
unconscious lcvcl. Thcrcíorc, wc musL dcal wiLh Lhc unconscious mind Lo gcL Lo
Lhc corc oí anxicLy.
The drivers of your anxiety are limiting beliefs, faulty boundaries, and negative
emotions that reside in your unconscious mind. Healing your anxiety and related habits,
dear reader, means healing your unconscious mind and giving it new direction and
purpose.
IcL's supposc you havc a craving íor poLaLo chips. You smcll Lhcm. You salivaLc.
You wanL Lhcm cvcn morc. You imaginc Lhc crackling sounds as you chcw Lhcm.
You producc morc saliva. Your anxicLy incrcascs. Your unconscious mind pcrsisLs
in ¨knocking on your door." You may havc dccidcd Lo not caL Lhc poLaLo chips, buL
íinally you go ahcad and caL Lhcm. Ycs, you madc a conscious dccision Lo rcsisL Lhc
chips, buL Lhc ordcrs arc carricd ouL by your unconscious mind, which pcrsuadcd
you oLhcrwisc.
The craving for the potato chips is a symptom that your conscious
and unconscious are not on the same page.
You consciously wanL Lo makc Lhc hcalLhy choicc, buL your unconscious has a
diíícrcnL prcícrcncc. Your unconscious wins. ThaL's righL—you cannoL sLop caLing
Lhc chips consciously, oLhcrwisc you could jusL say, ¨Okay, don'L do LhaL anymorc,"
and LhaL would bc Lhc cnd oí iL. BuL, iL docsn'L always work LhaL way, docs iL`
OLhcrwisc you would noL bc rcading Lhis! AnxicLy rcars iLs ugly hcad and so do Lhc
rclaLcd unconscious bchaviors.
Imaginc a ship ií you will—onc oí Lhosc Lall oncs wiLh billowing sails! IL is Lhc
capLain who makcs íinal dccisions, including Lhc ship's iLincrary and Lhc wcll-being
Stepping Stones to Success

20

oí Lhc crcw. IL is Lhc crcw's rcsponsibiliLy Lo carry ouL Lhosc dccisions. Thc capLain
is Lhc conscious mind and Lhc crcw, Lhc unconscious mind. IL all works wcll unLil
Lhcrc is a muLiny! AnxicLy is írcqucnLly Lhc Lriggcr íor muLiny, which in Lurn
maniícsLs iLsclí as cmoLional caLing, bingc caLing, íood cravings, íood obscssion,
smoking, drug usc, alcohol dcpcndcncc, ovcrspcnding, nail-biting, hair-pulling,
and hoL ílashcs. Chronic anxicLy also cxaccrbaLcs panic disordcrs, phobias, and
slccp problcms, including posL-LraumaLic sLrcss disordcr.

WRIGHT
So whaL bclicís will scrvc mc as I cmpowcr mysclí Lo ovcrcomc anxicLy and íccl
pcaccíul`

CAMERON
Hcrc is whaL MahaLma Candhi had Lo say abouL bclicís:
• Your bclicís bccomc your LhoughLs
• Your LhoughLs bccomc your words
• Your words bccomc your acLions
• Your acLions bccomc your habiLs
• Your habiLs bccomc your valucs
• Your valucs bccomc your dcsLiny

Plcasc look aL Lhc íollowing Lcn bclicís as aííirmaLivc sLaLcmcnLs.

Belief Number 1: I Believe that the Mind Affects the Body.
Fvcr sincc Lhc íirsL ncuroLransmiLLcrs wcrc discovcrcd in Lhc carly l070s, wc havc
gaincd an undcrsLanding oí how cmoLional iníormaLion is LransmiLLcd by Lhc limbic
sysLcm Lo cvcry organ oí Lhc body (PcrL, l007).
WhaL you Lhink aííccLs you physically. RcaliLy is our own uniquc inLcrprcLaLion—it is a
subjccLivc cxpcricncc. Dccpak Chopra csLimaLcs LhaL wc havc l6,000 LhoughLs a day. WhaL
is a liLLlc sad is LhaL 00 pcrccnL oí Lhc LhoughLs LhaL wc had ycsLcrday arc Lhc samc as
Loday. Oh dcar! How do wc changc Lhosc LhoughLs so wc can brcak Lhc cyclc oí ncgaLivc
Lhinking and ncgaLivc bchavior paLLcrns`

Belief Number 2: I believe that I get in Life what I Focus On.
Ií I sLand ovcr my golí ball and Lhink abouL Lhc lakc in íronL oí mc, whcrc docs Lhc golí
ball go` In Lhc lakc, oí coursc! Ií I say Lo you David, whaLcvcr you do, do noL Lhink abouL a
bluc Lrcc, whaL do you Lhink abouL`
Joanna Cameron
21

WRIGHT
A bluc Lrcc.

CAMERON
This is bccausc your unconscious mind docs noL compuLc ncgaLivc Lcrms. Whcn
you íocus on your passion in liíc—whaL you wanL—you will bc íulíillcd. AnxicLy is
a lack oí íulíillmcnL, a spiriLual void, or Lhc accumulaLion oí ncgaLivc cmoLions
wiLhin Lhc body. AnxicLy is a mcssagc írom your unconscious mind LhaL you nccd
Lo íocus on whaL you wanL (3amcs, l0S0).

Belief Number 3: I Am Responsible for Where I Am Today. When I Accept The Present I Can
Change the Future.
IcL's look aL Laking rcsponsibiliLy by considcring Lhc words ¨causc" and ¨cííccL" sidc by
sidc.

Cause Effect

Imaginc ¨causc" gcLLing biggcr whilc ¨cííccL" gcLs smallcr and smallcr. ¨Causc"
hcrc mcans simply LhaL you consciously choose how you lcad your liíc. You nccd Lo
bc on Lhc ¨causc" sidc—you wanL Lo bc aL ¨causc." You don'L wanL Lo bc aL
¨cííccL"—aL Lhc mcrcy oí causcs LhaL you do noL choosc. Taking rcsponsibiliLy is
íorgcLLing abouL blamc. WhaLcvcr happcncd in liíc—whcLhcr good or bad—there
is no blamc. Thcrc is simply somcLhing Lo lcarn. Pcoplc, placcs, and Lhings arc noL
Lhc causc oí your anxicLy—iL is your inLcrprcLaLion oí Lhosc cvcnLs LhaL causcs Lhc
anxicLy. Whcn you changc your LhoughLs, you can changc your body. WhaL you
imaginc Loday will bc your íuLurc.

Belief Number 4: I Was Born Perfect and I Still Am.
This bclicí is an anLidoLc Lo Lhc sclí-limiLing ícar oí criLicism. Somc pcoplc íalscly
bclicvc LhaL Lhcy nccd Lo bc pcríccL Lo mcriL approval írom oLhcrs. Thcy may havc acquircd
Lhis bclicí in childhood. Whcn Lhcy acccpL LhaL wc arc all impcríccLly pcríccL, Lhcy arc
much happicr.

Stepping Stones to Success

22

Belief Number 5: I Believe That There Is Never Failure, There Is Just New Information. Every
Situation Is An Opportunity For Learning.
AnxicLy íccls likc ícar wiLh nowhcrc Lo go. Thc ícar uníorLunaLcly is maniícsLcd
dcLrimcnLally in Lhc body, or Lhc anxicLy is a Lriggcr íor unwanLcd habiLs.
Somc pcoplc ícar íailurc and Lhcy scL Lhcmsclvcs up Lo ncvcr push or cxLcnd
Lhcmsclvcs in any way. Thc word ¨can'L" is commonly uscd, as in: ¨I can'L makc cnough
moncy." OLhcr pcoplc ícar rcjccLion and, in my cxpcricncc as a hypnoLhcrapisL, Lhis is Lhc
mosL common ícar. Thc íaulLy bclicí oí ¨noL bcing good cnough" is uníorLunaLcly lcarncd
in childhood and iL maniícsLs iLsclí in poor sclí-csLccm and rclaLcd anxicLy.

Belief Number 6: I Believe That Good Exists In All Situations. I Will Seek Out That Good.
So, posiLivc Lhinking is a musL. This docs noL mcan LhaL you do noL cxprcss ncgaLivc
cmoLions—iL jusL mcans LhaL you puL a posiLivc íramc around cvcnLs. Whcn Lhc day sLarLs
wcll, you íccl good, and you usually conLinuc Lo íccl LhaL way LhroughouL Lhc day.
Howcvcr, whcn you ¨gcL up on Lhc wrong sidc oí Lhc bcd," Lhc day sccms Lo progrcss LhaL
way.

Belief Number 7: I Believe That At Any Time Of Day, I Have The Choice To Start My Day
Over.
Your unconscious mind lovcs iL whcn your conscious mind looks on Lhc brighL sidc oí
Lhings. This is bcing Lhc capLain oí your ship—you havc Lhc powcr Lo changc your
cmoLional sLaLc aL any Limc.

Belief Number 8: I Must Forgive Myself As Readily As I Forgive Others.
DclcLc Lhc word ¨blamc" írom your vocabulary and bc íirm wiLh your unconscious mind
abouL LhaL. Civc iL a good Lalking Lo. And by Lhc samc Lokcn, oLhcr pcoplc arc doing jusL
Lhc bcsL Lhcy can, living liíc in rcsponsc Lo whaLcvcr Lhcir modcl oí Lhc world is aL any
givcn Limc.
ThroughouL your liíc, pcoplc havc judgcd you and you havc judgcd Lhcm, buL LhaL acL
crcaLcs scparaLion bcLwccn you and Lhcm. ScparaLion causcs lonclincss and unhappincss.
3udging oLhcrs dcplcLcs you oí cncrgy. IL acLually makcs you íccl a liLLlc crummy and
induccs anxicLy. Havc you cvcr cnLcrLaincd Lhc LhoughL LhaL wc may all bc Lhc samc souls
in a diíícrcnL disguisc` No onc is inhcrcnLly any bcLLcr Lhan you.
I wanL you Lo imaginc Lhc words ¨judgmcnL" and ¨wisdom." Fvcry day judgmcnL gcLs
smallcr and wisdom gcLs biggcr.
Joanna Cameron
23

WISDOM Judgment

Belief Number 9: I Believe That I Have All The Resources Within Me To Self-Heal.
Ií you arc Lruly aL causc, Lhcn you acccpL rcsponsibiliLy íor your liíc. Ií you crcaLcd Lhc
problcm, Lhcn Lhc rcvcrsc musL bc Lruc—you can rcvcrsc iL.

Belief Number 10: I Believe That I Have A Unique Purpose In Life; I Must Seek That Purpose.
WhaL drivcs you in liíc` WhaL is imporLanL Lo you` An undcrsLanding oí your valucs
and purposc givcs moLivaLion, dirccLion, and mcaning Lo your liíc. This is Lhc ¨ruddcr"
under the boat. Your body rcsponds Lo LhaL dirccLion. Whcn you losc dirccLion and
mcaning or you ¨givc up," so docs your body.

WRIGHT
So whaL arc Lhc sLcps Lo conqucring anxicLy`

CAMERON
Thcrc arc six sLcps:
l. I obLain an undcrsLanding oí whaL anxicLy is Lhrough rcading and rcscarch.
2. I dccidc LhaL I wanL Lo lcL go oí anxicLy.
3. I acccpL Lhc Lcn bclicís LhaL arc sLaLcd abovc.
4. I Lakc íull rcsponsibiliLy íor my anxicLy.
5. I scL a plan íor cvcryday liíc, which includcs propcr nuLriLion, mcdiLaLion, sclí-
hypnosis, cxcrcisc, Limc ouLdoors, and social conLacL.
6. I scL goals in cvcry arca oí my liíc—spiriLual, pcrsonal growLh, hcalLh and
íiLncss, busincss, and rclaLionships.
(Go to www.joannacameron.com for instructions on how to set effective goals—SMART Goals.)

WRIGHT
How docs sclí-hypnosis Lcach mc Lo changc my cmoLional sLaLc and lcL go oí
anxicLy`

CAMERON
WiLhouL cxccpLion, David, cvcrybody I'vc cvcr hypnoLizcd Lclls mc LhaL hc or
shc íccls rcally rclaxcd aíLcr Lhc cxpcricncc. In ordcr Lo dcal wiLh anxicLy, wc musL
Stepping Stones to Success

24

Lalk Lo Lhc unconscious mind, which is Lhc sLorchousc oí our cmoLions and runs
our bodics. Whcn you insLrucL Lhc body Lo lcL go oí anxicLy, iL has an amazing way
oí hcaling. In íacL, simplc awarcncss and acccpLancc LhaL anxicLy aííccLs your body
is oíLcn cnough Lo íaciliLaLc changc.
Whcn you arc hypnoLizcd, Lhc conscious dccision-making mind ¨Lakcs a hikc,"
allowing Lhc unconscious mind Lo comc Lo Lhc suríacc. IL is your unconscious mind
LhaL is susccpLiblc Lo suggcsLion. This is a good Lhing. Hypnosis jusL íccls likc
rclaxaLion. You arc LoLally awarc whcn you arc hypnoLizcd. In íacL, you'rc an acLivc
parL oí Lhc hypnoLic proccss and hypnoLizc yoursclí all Lhc Limc in cvcryday liíc.
You havc Lo hypnoLizc yoursclí Lo íall aslccp aL nighL. You'rc vcry good at
hypnosis. You jusL nccd Lo channcl Lhis skill and do iL cvcry day. So arc you
moLivaLcd Lo go inLo a Lrancc David`

WRIGHT
I will admiL LhaL iL sounds casicr as you Lalk.

CAMERON
You may íind LhaL rcading Lhis makcs your cycs closc. Plcasc do noL drivc a car
and lisLcn Lo Lhc CD oí Lhis chapLcr (availablc aL www.joannacamcron.com) aL Lhc
samc Limc.
This is a hypnoLic cxcrcisc—iL involvcs closing your cycs.
Now, you are sitting there. And, you are breathing in and out. And, you get into a
position of maximum comfort. And, you are relaxed. And, you are reading this book as
you are motivated to be a healthier person. And, you will find it easy to go into a trance
listening to or reading my words. And can you find a spot on the wall in front of you that
you can look at comfortably? And as you look at that spot—do your eyelids want to
blink? And will they flutter first or close completely as you allow your comfort to deepen?
That’s right. And can you now pretend that you are in a trance and those eyelids are so
perfectly relaxed that they remain closed? And that feels perfectly fine. You can test your
eyes now. You may find that you can move your eyebrows but your eyes are stuck. They
are one piece of skin. Try in vain to open your eyes. They are stuck like glue. And that is
perfectly fine. And the harder you try to open your eyes, the more that they are stuck.
And now, you can forget about your eyes. Every time you listen to my CD, you are more
Joanna Cameron
25

relaxed by my voice. And the suggestions are absorbed readily by your unconscious mind.
You easily learn and integrate all the material presented. In a few seconds, I will awaken
you and you will feel relaxed, refreshed, and absolutely fantastic. Come back into the
room, 20 percent with each count, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Welcome back!
So whaL happcncd` Fyc closurc is simply rclaxaLion. Thc cyc musclcs arc Lhc
casicsL musclcs in Lhc body Lo rclax. Whcn you arc Lircd, your cycs closc. Your cycs
bccomc sLuck as you havc lcL go oí Lhc conscious mind or bypasscd Lhc criLical
íaculLy. This is a good Lhing. You wanL Lo bc hypnoLizcd. You wanL Lo bccomc
rcally good aL Lhis so you can Lalk dirccLly wiLh your unconscious mind. Bcsidcs, iL
íccls grcaL!
Now, ií your cycs opcn, LhaL's Okay Loo! You havc provcd Lo yoursclí LhaL you
havc conscious conLrol. Maybc you'rc saying Lo yoursclí, ¨I don'L know ií I can do
Lhis." And LhaL's righL—you do noL know. Thcrc arc many Lhings LhaL you do noL
know. You do know LhaL you drcam aL nighL, buL you do noL know how your
unconscious mind inLcgraLcs your drcams. And sooncr or laLcr, your cyclids will
blink buL you do noL know how your unconscious mind knows Lo blink Lhosc cycs.
ThaL's righL. You can siL Lhcrc and do noLhing aL all. And you do noL know whcn
your cycs mighL closc alLogcLhcr and allow your comíorL Lo dccpcn.
Thc goal is Lo lcarn how Lo obLain cyc closurc vcry quickly. You havc Lhcn
succcssíully hypnoLizcd yoursclí. Usc Lhis Lo changc your sLaLc oí mind. IcL's
supposc you arc siLLing aL your dcsk and you íccl anxious. You can jusL closc your
eycs and Lakc a hypnoLic Limc-ouL and wakc up íccling rclaxcd and rcírcshcd.
ThaL's cmpowcrmcnL. Thc morc you do Lhis, Lhc bcLLcr you will gcL aL iL. Trancc is
lcarncd. Think oí your brain as a compuLcr—occasionally iL gcLs Loo much
iníormaLion and iL docs noL work propcrly. You Lurn iL oíí. Trancc is your own
rcscL buLLon.

WRIGHT
So whaL abouL dccp-scaLcd anxicLy rclaLcd Lo a diííiculL childhood`

CAMERON
My clicnL, 3im, was obcsc and broughL up in scvcrc povcrLy. Hc Lold mc LhaL hc
aLc whcn hc was anxious bccausc hc was always aíraid LhaL ¨Lhcrc would ncvcr bc
Stepping Stones to Success

26

cnough íood." In Lhcrapy wiLh mc, hc lcL go oí LhaL ícar and Lhc limiLing dccision
LhaL íood was Lhc íix íor anxicLy, and Lhcn hc was ablc Lo caL corrccLly.
NcgaLivc ¨hoL buLLons" such as a ccrLain Lonc oí voicc, shouLing, and puL-downs
arc acLually cmoLional Lriggcrs LhaL sLimulaLc Lhc anxicLy rcsponsc Limc aíLcr Limc.
Wc arc cncrgcLic bcings in Lunc wiLh cvcryLhing around us, our hoL buLLons arc
cmoLional disLurbanccs. In ordcr Lo hcal, wc musL gcL Lo Lhc causc oí Lhcm.
Howcvcr, Lhcy arc likc Lhc lcgs oí a Lablc—ií you knock away any onc oí Lhc lcgs,
Lhcn Lhc Lablc will íall down. Wc can rclcasc ncgaLivc cmoLions írom a ícw major
childhood cvcnLs and Lhc wholc sLrucLurc will íall.
As a hypnotherapisL, I usc ccrLain Lcchniqucs Lo hclp clicnLs lcL go oí ncgaLivc
cmoLions. Ycs, a pcrson will no longcr íccl Lhc angcr, sadncss, ícar, guilL, and
shamc írom Lhc pasL whcn Lhc scssion is ovcr. IL's miraculous! You can go Lo Lhc
¨Timc Iinc Thcrapy"

Web site aL www.LimclincLhcrapy.ncL and íind a LhcrapisL
who is Lraincd in Lhis Lcchniquc. Thc Amcrican Board oí HypnoLhcrapy has a Wcb
siLc (www.abh-abnlp.com), whcrc you can íill ouL a íorm and idcnLiíy a LhcrapisL in
your arca. NIP LhcrapisLs may also bc Lraincd in hypnosis as wcll as
NcuroIinguisLic Programming, which simply mcans ncrvcs, languagc, and
programming.
I also Lcach Lhc FmoLional Frccdom Tcchniquc (FFT®), and íor morc
iníormaLion, you can go Lo www.cmoírcc.com. This Lcchniquc also gcLs Lo Lhc
causc oí anxicLy and buricd ncgaLivc cmoLions.
IcL's do an cxcrcisc: “Your Power Anchor”—How to change anxiety into laughter!
Do Lhis cxcrcisc wiLh a íricnd or lisLcn Lo my CD. (www.joannacamcron.com).
An anchor is a ¨hoL buLLon." IL is simply a sLimulus LhaL cvokcs a consisLcnL
rcsponsc paLLcrn írom a pcrson. Whcn you scc a Lraííic lighL Lurn rcd, you know
LhaL you musL brakc and comc Lo a sLop. Thc smcll oí moLhballs may rcmind you
oí anoLhcr Limc or your grandparcnLs. Or how abouL Lhc smcll oí Frcnch brcad—
docs LhaL makc you salivaLc` Docs a scagull's call rcmind you oí Lhc bcach` How
abouL Lhc sound oí Lhc wavcs or an alarm clock`
Wc arc now going Lo scL our own Powcr Anchor, which will gcL you inLo a
powcríul sLaLc oí mind. So closc your cycs:

Joanna Cameron
27

l) I wanL you Lo rcmcmbcr a Limc whcn you íclL LoLally powcríul—you wcrc on Lop
oí Lhc world. Okay, do you rcmcmbcr onc` Now, gcL inLo LhaL sLaLc. Fccl Lhc
ícclings. Whcn you rcally íccl iL in your body, Louch Lhc Lop oí your lcíL shouldcr
on Lhc bonc wiLh Lhrcc íingcrs. IcL go.
2) Okay. Opcn your cycs. Now, I wanL you Lo imaginc LhaL you arc sniííing coíícc.
Can you smcll iL`
3) Okay. Closc your cycs. Now, I wanL you Lo rcmcmbcr a Limc whcn you could noL
stop laughing—iL was íalling-down íunny. Thcrc is a smilc on your íacc. When you
arc rcally íccling iL, Louch LhaL shouldcr bonc in Lhc samc placc wiLh Lhrcc íingcrs.
IcL go.
4) Okay. Opcn your cycs! Now, Lhink abouL Lhc smcll oí coíícc or anoLhcr pungcnL
smcll.
5) Okay. Closc your cycs! Now, I wanL you Lo rcmcmbcr a Limc whcn you íclL LoLally
lovcd. Fccl iL, cnjoy iL. Whcn you arc rcally íccling Lingly, Louch yoursclí on Lhc
lcíL shouldcr in Lhc samc placc as bcíorc. IcL go.
6) Okay. Opcn your cycs! Now, Lhink abouL Lhc smcll oí coíícc.

Okay, so maybc you nccd Lo Lakc a liLLlc brcak hcrc. Iook ouL Lhc window, Lakc
a Limc ouL or scvcnLh-inning sLrcLch.
Wclcomc back! Now I wanL you Lo siL down and íocus your cycs on a spoL in
íronL oí you, and opcn up Lhc íocus so you can scc pcriphcrally. Now Louch LhaL
lcíL shouldcr again wiLh Lhc samc Lhrcc íingcrs. WhaL do you íccl` Is Lhcrc a smilc
coming on your íacc, I wondcr`
I scL a powcr anchor in a Lraining many ycars ago and I sLill usc iL. I Lhink oí iL
as a rcscL buLLon. You know how iL is wiLh your compuLcr. IL sLops íuncLioning and
is moving slowly or cvcn írcczcs. Thc curc is Lo jusL swiLch iL oíí and lcL iL rcbooL.
Firc your powcr anchor whcn you íccl anxious. IL is your rcsponsibiliLy Lo gcL
inLo a powcríul sLaLc. You can sLarL your day ovcr using Lhis Lcchniquc. You drive
Lhc bus. CcL inLo a good íramc oí mind.

WRIGHT
So how do you pcrsonally dcal wiLh anxicLy`

Stepping Stones to Success

28

CAMERON
Wcll, as a hypnoLhcrapisL, I'm in a Lrancc a grcaL dcal and Lhis ccrLainly hclps. A
Lrancc inviLcs Lrancc. Also, I bclicvc in good nuLriLion, which bcgins wiLh
purchasing hcalLhy íood. Ycs, I rcad Lhc labcls! For cxcrcisc, I'm a kccn golícr, I
swim rcgularly, and I lovc Lo work in my gardcn.
Now, I nccd Lo Lcll you a sLory abouL my cxpcricncc wiLh anxicLy. My íamily
Lakcs a ycarly ski vacaLion Lo Park CiLy, ULah, ovcr Lhc holidays. I rcnLcd a small
housc íor us ncar Lhc ski hill, buL Lhc rcnLal was noL opLimum íor our nccds. I had
back pain and could noL sLand up íor scvcral days. I had ncvcr cxpcricnccd Lhis
bcíorc. I did hcal aíLcr a wcck and I was rcally rclicvcd. On my rcLurn, I ordcrcd Lhc
book, Healing Back Pain, by Dr. 3ohn Sarno. This is a mind-body approach. Ycs, you
Lhink yoursclí wcll.
Thc prcmisc is LhaL rcprcsscd cmoLions such as angcr and anxicLy can Lriggcr
musclc spasms, LhoughL Lo bc causcd by lack oí oxygcn. Thcrc arc ccrLain
pcrsonaliLy Lypcs who arc morc pronc Lo Lhis. Thcy arc Lhc coping, high-achicving,
and moLivaLcd pcrsons wiLh high cxpccLaLions oí Lhcmsclvcs. VacaLions arc a
common Limc íor Lcnsion myosiLis syndromc (TMS) Lo appcar. Thc sympLoms
includc back pain, ncck pain, shouldcr pain, and so on. In oLhcr words, I had high
anxicLy bccausc I worricd LhaL our liLLlc vacaLion housc did noL íiL our nccds. To
makc maLLcrs worsc, wc had jusL rcmodclcd our íricnds' car whilc Lrying Lo gcL up
the icy road Lo Lhc housc. I was sLrcsscd.
Thcrc arc ccrLain sympLoms LhaL accompany TMS, such as sorcncss in Lhc
buLLocks. My sympLoms and pcrsonaliLy Lypc all íiL Lhc proíilc. Now, pain ccrLainly
goL my aLLcnLion. (Rcmcmbcr causc and cííccL`) Back pain was Lhc maniícsLaLion
oí my anxicLy abouL Lhc housc. Simplc awarcncss was Lhc curc. Now, whcncvcr I
íccl discomíorL in my back, I Lhank my unconscious mind íor Lhc mcssagc LhaL I
nccd Lo rclcasc anxicLy. I mcdiLaLc, usc sclí-hypnosis, and lisLcn Lo my own CDs.
(This sounds narcissisLic, buL your unconscious docs lovc your own voicc.) Thcn, I
givc my unconscious mind a good ¨Lalking Lo" and Lhc pain gocs away. I íccl
cmpowcrcd.
Ií you havc back pain, shouldcr, or ncck pain, I urgc you Lo rcad Dr. Sarno's
book and íollow Lhc dirccLions givcn wiLhin. NoL all back, shouldcr, and ncck pain
is TMS. Many pcoplc howcvcr, havc hcalcd Lhcir pain simply by Laking
Joanna Cameron
29

rcsponsibiliLy íor iL. IL is Lhc samc way wiLh oLhcr body maniícsLaLions oí anxicLy,
iL is cnough in many cascs Lo jusL Lakc rcsponsibiliLy. This sLimulaLcs Lhc
unconscious mind Lo changc dirccLion—Lo gcL ¨on Lhc samc pagc" wiLh Lhc
conscious mind.
Taking rcsponsibiliLy íor whcrc you arc is acLually a dccision. So makc Lhc
dccision LhaL you arc rcsponsiblc íor whcrc you arc Loday. Fvcn ií you do noL
bclicvc iL ycL, you will, and iL is an inhcrcnL and ncccssary parL oí your rccovcry.

WRIGHT
WhaL a grcaL convcrsaLion. I rcally apprcciaLc all Lhc iníormaLion you'vc givcn
us hcrc Loday. I havc lcarncd a loL and I know our rcadcrs will also. I apprcciaLc all
Lhis Limc you'vc Lakcn Lo answcr Lhcsc qucsLions. This has rcally bccn
cnlighLcning.

CAMERON
Wcll, Lhank you, David.

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh Dr. 3oanna Camcron, a hypnoLhcrapisL and
insLrucLor oí NcuroIinguisLic Programming. Shc is a bclicvcr in Lhc powcr oí Lhc
mind Lo hcal Lhc body and Lcachcs changc Lcchniqucs Lo hcr clicnLs, collcgc
sLudcnLs, and corporaLions.
Dr. Camcron, Lhank you so much íor bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to
Success.

CAMERON
And Lhank you, David. Thc íollowing is a mcLaphorical pocm I wroLc. IL spcaks
dirccLly Lo Lhc unconscious mind and hclps iL dcal wiLh anxicLy.





Stepping Stones to Success

30

Scrambling On The Rocks

Now the unconscious mind loves to drift
Down into that trance in the same way
A river wanders
Meanders around the rocks
So much fun to scramble and picnic on the rocks
And peeking into the picnic basket
A hamper with blue and white napkins
And matching plates
Everything packed and in its place
Now how to choose a route in the mind’s eye
Ever questioning if a rock will wobble
Or will it wobble and will I adjust my balance
Making a quick decision to change course
Trusting the unconscious mind to keep me balanced
Bringing positive thoughts into a stream of consciousness
So the precious picnic basket and I remain safe
Or will I be the only one to slip on that rock
Slimed by muddy waters
Better perhaps to follow a leader
Finding a new way
Stopping to view the occasional rock pool
Will it inhabit a fish momentarily fenced in
Until the river rises
And the fish must wait
And I must wait
Relishing the thought
Of eating our family sandwiches on the right rock
And sometimes it is good to wait
The waiter takes the order
When the diner is ready
The poker player receives subtle cues
Decides to go to the river
More information is required
More choices will be presented
Joanna Cameron
31

And change occurs
Change is inevitable
And in good time
Those wobbly rocks
With jagged uneven edges
Become smooth river stones
Perfectly adapted to their environment
In the flow of information
Peaceful
They say that patience is a virtue
That is why the British form a queue
And the Americans get in line
For there may be necessary boundaries
As the unconscious mind
Takes its own time
To absorb what it needs to learn
And then presents new learnings
New ways of thinking
About old problems
As you overtake any hurdles
Knowing that a hurdle
Is simply new information
For you to use
On your journey
So much better to get into the solution










Stepping Stones to Success

32

Camcron, 3oanna wiLh Wcisman, Rachcl, Forget Diets, Plant Tomatoes—a metaphoric,
hypnotic guide to heal emotional eating. www.joannacameron.com.
Chopra, Dccpak, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, Ambcr Allcn Publishing, San Raíacl
Publishing, l004.
FcinsLcin, David, Fdcn, Donna and Craig, Cary, The Promise of Energy Psychology, Penguin
Books, Ncw York, NY l00l4, 2005.
Coodc, Frica, The Heavy Cost of Chronic Stress, The New York Times, Dcccmbcr l7, 2002.
3amcs, Tad, Hypnosis: A Comprehensive Guide, Crown Housc Publishing, CarmarLhcn, SA33
5ND, Walcs.
3amcs, Tad, The Secret of Creating Your Future, Advanccd Ncuro Dynamics, Inc. Hawaii,
l0S0.
3amcs, Tad, and Woodsmall, WyaLL, Time Line Therapy and the Basis of Personality, Meta
PublicaLion, CapiLola, CA 050l0.
Havcns, Ronald, WalLcrs CaLhcrinc, Hypnotherapy Scripts, Brunner-RouLlcdgc, Ncw York,
NY l000l, 2002.
Millcr Ccorgc, Psychological Review, 63, 81–07, l056.
Pcníicld W., Epilepsy and the Functional Anatomy of the Human Brain, 2
nd
cdiLion. 3aspcr, H.,
Pcníicld, W. IiLLlc, Brown and Co., l054.
PcrL, Candacc, Molecules of Emotion, Scribncr, Ncw York, NY l0020, l007.
Pick, Marccllc, Anxiety in women—causes, symptoms and natural relief,
www.womentowomen.com.
Sarno, 3ohn, Healing Back Pain: Mind Body Connection, Warncr Books, l00l
SchliLz, Marilyn, Amorok, Tina wiLh Micozzi Marc, Consciousness and Healing, Elsevier, St
Iouis, MO 63l46, 2005
Schncidcr Brucc Relax, You’re Already Perfect, Fbb/Flow Publishing, Manlapan,
N3 2000


33

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
The English-born, 3oanna Camcron has a docLoraLc in Clinical
HypnoLhcrapy and is an insLrucLor oí NcuroIinguisLic Programming (NIP) and
hypnosis. Shc is a mcmbcr oí Lhc Amcrican Board oí HypnoLhcrapy. Bascd on
Lcn ycars oí cxpcricncc as a hypnoLhcrapisL in Mclcan, Virginia, shc will bc
shorLly publishing hcr íirsL book, Forget Diets, Plant Tomatoes: A Metaphoric,
Hypnotic Journey to Heal Emotional Eating. In Stepping Stones to Success, Dr.
Camcron íocuscs on how Lo usc your mind Lo conqucr sLrcss. Shc bclicves in
Lhc powcr oí Lhc mind Lo hcal Lhc body and Lcachcs changc Lcchniqucs Lo hcr
clicnLs, collcgc sLudcnLs, and corporaLions. As Lhc ¨Trancc Iady," shc pcríorms
as a comcdy hypnoLisL íor high schools, collcgcs and corporaLions and works
wiLh Lhc InnovaLors Croup Inc. as a kcynoLc spcakcr. RcccnLly, shc has
cnLcrLaincd Lhc U.S. Army in Ccrmany. Hcr cncrgy and cnLhusiasm arc
communicaLcd Lo cvcry audicncc.

JOANNA CAMERON
Trance Lady Productions, Inc
McIcan, VA 22l0l
703-538-7123
drjcamcronøaol.com
www.joannacamcron.com
www.hypnosisandsLrcss.com
www.Lrancclady.com




Stepping Stones to Success

34


35


C HA P T E R T HR E E
Find a McnLor and Bclicvc in Your Drcams
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Jack Canfield
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc arc Lalking wiLh 3ack Caníicld. You probably know him as Lhc íoundcr
and co-crcaLor oí Lhc New York Times numbcr onc bcsLselling Chicken Soup for the
Soul book scrics. As oí 2006 Lhcrc arc sixLy-íivc LiLlcs and cighLy million copics in
print in over thirty-scvcn languagcs.
3ack’s background includcs a BA írom Harvard, a masLcr’s írom Lhc UnivcrsiLy oí
MassachuscLLs, and an Honorary DocLoraLc írom Lhc UnivcrsiLy oí SanLa Monica.
Hc has bccn a high school and univcrsiLy Lcachcr, a workshop íaciliLaLor, a
psychoLhcrapisL, and a lcading auLhoriLy in Lhc arca oí sclí-csLccm and pcrsonal
dcvclopmcnL.
3ack Caníicld, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

JACK CANFIELD (CANFIELD)
Thank you, David. IL’s grcaL Lo bc wiLh you.

Stepping Stones to Success

36

WRIGHT
When I Lalkcd wiLh Mark VicLor Hanscn, hc gavc you íull crcdiL íor coming up
wiLh Lhc idca oí Lhc Chicken Soup scrics. Obviously iL’s madc you an inLcrnaLionally
known pcrsonaliLy. OLhcr Lhan rccogniLion, has Lhc scrics changcd you pcrsonally
and ií so, how`

CANFIELD
I would say LhaL iL has and I Lhink in a couplc oí ways. Numbcr onc, I rcad sLorics
all day long oí pcoplc who’vc ovcrcomc whaL would íccl likc insurmounLablc
obsLaclcs. For cxamplc, wc jusL did a book Chicken Soup for the Unsinkable Soul.
There’s a sLory in Lhcrc abouL a singlc moLhcr wiLh Lhrcc daughLcrs. Shc conLracLcd
a discasc and shc had Lo havc boLh oí hcr hands and boLh oí hcr íccL ampuLaLcd. Shc
goL prosLhcLic dcviccs and was ablc Lo lcarn how Lo usc Lhcm. Shc could cook, drivc
Lhc car, brush hcr daughLcrs’ hair, gcL a job, cLc. I rcad LhaL and I LhoughL, ¨Cod,
whaL would I cvcr havc Lo complain and whinc and moan abouL`"
At one level it’s jusL givcn mc a grcaL scnsc oí graLiLudc and apprcciaLion íor
cvcryLhing I havc and iL has madc mc lcss irriLablc abouL Lhc liLLlc Lhings.
I Lhink Lhc oLhcr Lhing LhaL’s happcncd íor mc pcrsonally is my sphcrc oí
inílucncc has changcd. By LhaL I mcan I was askcd, íor cxamplc, somc years ago to
bc Lhc kcynoLc spcakcr Lo Lhc Womcn’s Congrcssional Caucus. Thc Caucus is a group
LhaL includcs all womcn in Amcrica who arc mcmbcrs oí Congrcss and who arc sLaLc
scnaLors, govcrnors, and licuLcnanL govcrnors. I askcd whaL Lhcy wanLcd mc Lo Lalk
about—whaL Lopic.
¨WhaLcvcr you Lhink wc nccd Lo know Lo bc bcLLcr lcgislaLors," was Lhc rcply.
I thought, ¨Wow, Lhcy wanL mc Lo Lcll Lhcm abouL whaL laws Lhcy should bc
making and whaL would makc a bcLLcr culLurc." Wcll, LhaL wouldn’t have happened
ií our books hadn’L comc ouL and I hadn’L bccomc íamous. I Lhink I gcL Lo play wiLh
pcoplc aL a highcr lcvcl and havc morc inílucncc in Lhc world. ThaL’s imporLanL Lo
mc bccausc my liíc purposc is inspiring and cmpowcring pcoplc Lo livc Lhcir highcsL
vision so Lhc world works íor cvcrybody. I gcL Lo do LhaL on a much biggcr lcvcl Lhan
whcn I was jusL a high school Lcachcr back in Chicago.

Jack Canfield

37

WRIGHT
I Lhink onc oí Lhc powcríul componcnLs oí LhaL book scrics is LhaL you can rcad a
posiLivc sLory in jusL a ícw minuLcs and comc back and rcvisiL iL. I know my
daughLcr has Lhrcc oí Lhc books and shc jusL rcads Lhcm inLcrchangcably.
SomcLimcs I go in hcr bcdroom and shc’ll bc crying and rcading onc oí Lhcm. OLhcr
Limcs shc’ll be laughing, so they really are ¨chickcn soup íor Lhc soul," aren’L Lhcy`

CANFIELD
Thcy rcally arc. In íacL wc havc íour books in Lhc Teenage Soul scrics now and a
ncw onc coming ouL aL Lhc cnd oí Lhis ycar. I havc a son who’s eleven and he has a
Lwclvc-year-old íricnd who’s a girl. Wc havc a ncw book callcd Chicken Soup for the
Teenage Soul and the Tough Stuff. It’s all abouL dcaling wiLh parcnLs’ divorccs,
Lcachcrs who don’L undcrsLand you, boyíricnds who drink and drivc, and oLhcr
issucs pcrLincnL Lo LhaL agc group.
I askcd my son’s íricnd, ¨Why do you likc Lhis book`" (IL’s our mosL popular book
among Lccns righL now.) Shc said, ¨You know, whcncvcr I’m íccling down I rcad iL
and iL makcs mc cry and I íccl bcLLcr. Somc oí Lhc sLorics makc mc laugh and somc
oí Lhc sLorics makc mc íccl morc rcsponsiblc íor my liíc. BuL basically I jusL íccl likc
I’m noL alonc."
Onc oí Lhc pcoplc I work wiLh rcccnLly said LhaL Lhc books arc likc a supporL
group bcLwccn Lhc covcrs oí a book—you can rcad abouL oLhcr pcoplcs’ cxpcricnccs
and realizc you’rc noL Lhc only onc going Lhrough somcLhing.

WRIGHT
3ack, wc’rc Lrying Lo cncouragc pcoplc in our audicncc Lo bc bcLLcr, Lo livc bcLLcr,
and bc morc íulíillcd by rcading abouL Lhc cxpcricnccs oí our wriLcrs. Is Lhcrc
anyone or anything in your liíc LhaL has madc a diíícrcncc íor you and hclpcd you Lo
bccomc a bcLLcr pcrson`

CANFIELD
Yes, and wc could do Lcn books jusL on LhaL. I’m inílucnccd by pcoplc all Lhc Limc.
Ií I wcrc Lo go way back I’d havc Lo say onc oí Lhc kcy inílucnccs in my liíc was 3cssc
3ackson whcn hc was sLill a minisLcr in Chicago. I was Lcaching in an all black high
school Lhcrc and I wcnL Lo 3cssc 3ackson’s church wiLh a íricnd onc Limc. WhaL
Stepping Stones to Success

38

happcncd íor mc was LhaL I saw somcbody wiLh a vision. (This was bcíorc MarLin
IuLhcr King was killcd and 3cssc was oí Lhc licuLcnanLs in his organizaLion.) I jusL
saw pcoplc Lrying Lo makc Lhc world work bcLLcr íor a ccrLain scgmcnL oí Lhc
populaLion. I was inspircd by LhaL kind oí visionary bclicí LhaL iL’s possiblc Lo makc
changc.
IaLcr on, 3ohn F. Kcnncdy was a hcro oí minc. I was vcry much inspircd by him.
AnoLhcr is a LhcrapisL by Lhc namc oí RobcrL Rcsnick. Hc was my LhcrapisL íor
Lwo ycars. Hc LaughL mc a liLLlc íormula: F + R = O. IL sLands íor FvcnLs + Rcsponsc
= OuLcomc. Hc said, ¨Ií you don’L likc your ouLcomcs quiL blaming Lhc cvcnLs and
sLarL changing your rcsponscs." Onc oí his íavoriLc phrascs was, ¨Ií Lhc grass on Lhc
oLhcr sidc oí Lhc ícncc looks grccncr, sLarL waLcring your own lawn morc."
I Lhink hc hclpcd mc gcL oíí any kind oí sclí-piLy I mighL havc had bccausc I had
parcnLs who wcrc alcoholics. IL would havc bccn vcry casy Lo blamc Lhcm íor
problcms I mighL havc had. Thcy wcrcn’L vcry succcssíul or rich, I was surroundcd
by pcoplc who wcrc and I íclL likc, ¨Cod, whaL ií I’d had parcnLs likc Lhcy had` I
could havc bccn a loL bcLLcr." Hc jusL goL mc oíí LhaL wholc noLion and madc mc
rcalizc that Lhc hand you wcrc dcalL is Lhc hand you'vc goL Lo play. Takc
rcsponsibiliLy íor who you arc and quiL complaining and blaming others and get on
wiLh your liíc. ThaL was a Lurning poinL íor mc.
I’d say the last person who rcally aííccLcd mc big-Limc was a guy namcd W.
ClcmcnL SLonc who was a sclí-madc mulLi-millionairc in Chicago. Hc LaughL mc LhaL
succcss is noL a íour-lcLLcr word—it’s noLhing Lo bc ashamcd oí—and you ought to
go íor iL. Hc said, ¨Thc bcsL Lhing you can do íor Lhc poor is noL bc onc oí Lhcm." Be
a modcl íor whaL iL is Lo livc a succcssíul liíc. So I lcarncd írom him Lhc principlcs oí
succcss and LhaL’s whaL I’ve bccn Lcaching now íor morc Lhan LhirLy ycars.

WRIGHT
Hc was an cnLrcprcncur in Lhc insurancc indusLry, wasn’L hc`

CANFIELD
Hc was. Hc had combincd insurancc. Whcn I workcd íor him hc was worLh 600
million dollars and LhaL was bcíorc Lhc doL.com millionaircs camc along in Silicon
Vallcy. Hc jusL kncw morc abouL succcss. Hc was a good íricnd oí Napolcon Hill
Jack Canfield

39

(auLhor oí Think and Grow Rich) and hc was a íabulous mcnLor. I rcally lcarncd a loL
írom him.

WRIGHT
I miss somc oí Lhc mcn I lisLcncd Lo whcn I was a young salcsman coming up and
hc was onc oí Lhcm. Napolcon Hill was anoLhcr onc as was Dr. Pcalc. All oí Lhcir
wriLings madc mc who I am Loday. I’m glad I had LhaL opporLuniLy.

CANFIELD
Onc spcakcr whosc namc you probably will rcmcmbcr, Charlic ¨Trcmcndous"
3oncs, says, ¨Who wc arc is a rcsulL oí Lhc books wc rcad and Lhc pcoplc wc hang ouL
wiLh." I Lhink LhaL’s so true and that’s why I Lcll pcoplc, ¨Ií you wanL Lo havc high
sclí-csLccm, hang ouL wiLh pcoplc who havc high sclí-csLccm. Ií you wanL Lo bc morc
spiriLual, hang ouL wiLh spiriLual pcoplc." We’rc always Lclling our childrcn, ¨Don’t
hang ouL wiLh Lhosc kids." The reason wc don’L wanL Lhcm Lo is bccausc wc know
how inílucnLial pcoplc arc wiLh cach oLhcr. I Lhink wc nccd Lo givc oursclvcs Lhc
samc advicc. Who arc wc hanging ouL wiLh` Wc can hang ouL wiLh Lhcm in books,
casscLLc Lapcs, CDs, radio shows, and in pcrson.

WRIGHT
Onc oí my íavoriLcs was a ícllow namcd Bill Covc írom Florida. I Lalkcd wiLh him
abouL Lhrcc or íour ycars ago. Hc’s rcLircd now. His mind is sLill as quick as iL cvcr
was. I LhoughL hc was onc oí Lhc grcaLcsL spcakcrs I had cvcr hcard.
What do you think makcs up a grcaL mcnLor` In oLhcr words, arc Lhcrc
characLcrisLics LhaL mcnLors sccm Lo havc in common`

CANFIELD
I Lhink Lhcrc arc Lwo obvious oncs. I Lhink mcnLors havc Lo havc Lhc Limc Lo do iL
and Lhc willingncss Lo do iL. I also Lhink Lhcy nccd Lo bc pcoplc who arc doing
somcLhing you wanL Lo do. W. ClcmcnL SLonc uscd Lo Lcll mc, ¨Ií you wanL Lo bc
rich, hang ouL wiLh rich pcoplc. WaLch whaL Lhcy do, caL whaL Lhcy caL, drcss Lhc
way they dress—try iL on." Hc wasn’t suggesting that you give up your auLhcnLic
sclí, buL hc was poinLing ouL LhaL rich pcoplc probably havc habiLs LhaL you don’t
havc and you should sLudy Lhcm.
Stepping Stones to Success

40

I always ask salcspcoplc in an organizaLion, ¨Who arc Lhc Lop Lwo or Lhrcc in
your organizaLion`" I Lcll Lhcm Lo sLarL Laking Lhcm ouL Lo lunch and dinncr and íor
a drink and íinding ouL whaL Lhcy do. Ask Lhcm, ¨What’s your sccrcL`" Ninc Limcs
ouL oí Lcn Lhcy’ll bc willing Lo Lcll you.
This gocs back Lo whaL wc said carlicr abouL asking. I’ll go inLo corporaLions and
I’ll say, ¨Who arc Lhc Lop Lcn pcoplc`" They’ll all Lcll mc and I’ll say, ¨Did you ever
ask Lhcm whaL Lhcy do diíícrcnL Lhan you`"
¨No," they’ll rcply.
¨Why noL`"
¨Wcll, Lhcy mighL noL wanL Lo Lcll mc."
¨How do you know` Did you cvcr ask Lhcm` All Lhcy can do is say no. You’ll be no
worsc oíí Lhan you arc now."
So I Lhink wiLh mcnLors you jusL look aL pcoplc who sccm Lo bc living Lhc liíc you
wanL Lo livc and achicving Lhc rcsulLs you wanL Lo achicvc.
WhaL wc say in our book is whcn LhaL you approach a mcnLor Lhcy’re probably
busy and succcssíul and so Lhcy havcn’L goL a loL oí Limc. 3usL ask, ¨Can I Lalk Lo you
íor Lcn minuLcs cvcry monLh`" Ií I know iL’s only going Lo bc Lcn minuLcs I’ll
probably say ycs. Thc ncaL Lhing is ií I likc you I’ll always givc you morc Lhan ten
minuLcs, buL LhaL Lcn minuLcs gcLs you in Lhc door.

WRIGHT
In Lhc íuLurc arc Lhcrc any morc 3ack Caníicld books auLhorcd singularly`

CANFIELD
Onc oí my books includcs Lhc íormula I mcnLioncd carlicr: F + R = O. I jusL íclL I
wanLcd Lo gcL LhaL ouL Lhcrc bccausc cvcry Limc I givc a spccch and I Lalk abouL LhaL
Lhc wholc room gcLs so quicL you could hcar a pin drop—I can Lcll pcoplc arc rcally
getLing valuc.
Then I’m going Lo do a scrics oí books on Lhc principlcs oí succcss. I’ve got about
l50 oí Lhcm LhaL I’vc idcnLiíicd ovcr Lhc ycars. I havc a book down Lhc road I wanL
to do that’s callcd No More Put-Downs, which is a book probably aimcd mosLly at
parcnLs, Lcachcrs, and managcrs. Thcrc’s a culLurc wc havc now oí puL-down humor.
Whether it’s Married . . . with Children or All in the Family, there’s LhaL characLcrisLic
Jack Canfield

41

oí macho puL-down humor. Thcrc’s rcscarch now showing how bad iL is íor kids’
sclí-csLccm whcn Lhc coachcs do iL, so I wanL Lo gcL LhaL mcssagc ouL Lhcrc as wcll.

WRIGHT
It’s rcally noL LhaL íunny, is iL`

CANFIELD
No, wc’ll laugh iL oíí bccausc wc don’L wanL Lo look likc wc’rc a wimp buL
undcrncaLh wc’rc hurL. Thc rcscarch now shows LhaL you’rc bcLLcr oíí brcaking a
child’s boncs Lhan you arc brcaking his or her spiriL. A bonc will hcal much morc
quickly Lhan Lhcir cmoLional spiriL will.

WRIGHT
I rcmcmbcr rcccnLly rcading a survcy whcrc pcoplc lisLcd Lhc Lop íivc pcoplc who
had inílucnccd Lhcm. I’vc Lricd iL on a couplc oí groups aL church and in oLhcr
placcs. In my casc, and in Lhc survcy, approximaLcly Lhrcc ouL oí Lhc Lop íivc arc
always Lcachcrs. I wondcr ií LhaL’s going Lo bc Lhc samc in Lhc ncxL dccadc.

CANFIELD
I Lhink Lhat’s probably bccausc as childrcn wc’rc aL our mosL íormaLivc ycars. Wc
acLually spcnd morc Limc wiLh our Lcachcrs Lhan wc do wiLh our parcnLs. Rcscarch
shows LhaL Lhc avcragc parcnL only inLcracLs vcrbally wiLh cach oí Lhcir childrcn
only about eight and a halí minuLcs a day. YcL aL school Lhcy’rc inLcracLing wiLh
Lhcir Lcachcrs íor anywhcrc írom six Lo cighL hours dcpcnding on how long Lhc
school day is, including coachcs, chorus dirccLors, cLc.
I Lhink LhaL in almosL cvcrybody’s liíc Lhcrc’s been that onc Lcachcr who lovcd
him or hcr as a human bcing—an individual—noL jusL onc oí Lhc many sLudcnLs Lhc
Lcachcr was supposcd Lo íill íull oí HisLory and Fnglish. ThaL Lcachcr bclicvcd in you
and inspircd you.
Ics Brown is onc oí Lhc grcaL moLivaLional spcakcrs in Lhc world. Ií iL hadn’t
bccn íor onc Lcachcr who said, ¨I Lhink you can do morc Lhan bc in a spccial
cducaLion class. I Lhink you’re the one," he’d probably sLill bc cuLLing grass in Lhc
mcdian sLrip oí Lhc highways in Florida insLcad oí bcing a $35,000-a-Lalk spcakcr.

Stepping Stones to Success

42

WRIGHT
I had a convcrsaLion onc Limc wiLh Ics. Hc Lold mc abouL Lhis wondcríul Lcachcr
who discovcrcd Ics was dyslcxic. Fvcrybody clsc callcd him dumb and Lhis onc lady
jusL Look him undcr hcr wing and had him LcsLcd. His cnLirc liíc changcd bccausc oí
hcr inLcrcsL in him.

CANFIELD
I’m on Lhc board oí advisors oí Lhc Dyslcxic Awarcncss Rcsourcc CcnLcr hcrc in
SanLa Barbara. Thc rcason is bccausc I LaughL high school and had a loL oí kids who
wcrc callcd ¨at-risk"—kids who would cnd up in gangs and so íorLh.
WhaL wc íound ovcr and ovcr was LhaL abouL 7S pcrccnL oí all Lhc kids in Lhc
juvcnilc dcLcnLion ccnLcrs in Chicago wcrc kids who had lcarning disabiliLics—
primarily dyslcxia—buL Lhcrc wcrc oLhcrs as wcll. Thcy wcrc ncvcr diagnoscd and
Lhcy wcrcn’L doing wcll in school so Lhcy’d drop ouL. As soon as a sLudcnL drops ouL
oí school hc or shc bccomcs subjccL Lo Lhc inílucncc oí gangs and oLhcr kinds oí
criminal and drug linkcd acLiviLics. Ií Lhcsc kids had bccn diagnoscd carlicr wc'd
have been able to gcL rid oí a largc amounL oí Lhc juvcnilc crimc in Amcrica bccausc
Lhcrc arc a loL oí rcally good programs LhaL can Lcach dyslcxics Lo rcad and cxccl in
school.

WRIGHT
My wiíc is a Lcachcr and shc brings homc sLorics LhaL arc hcarLbrcaking about
parcnLs noL bcing as conccrncd wiLh Lhcir childrcn as Lhcy uscd Lo bc, or aL lcasL noL
as hclpíul as Lhcy uscd Lo bc. Did you íind LhaL Lo bc a problcm whcn you wcrc
Lcaching`

CANFIELD
IL dcpcnds on whaL kind oí disLricL you’rc in. Ií iL’s a poor disLricL Lhc parcnLs
could bc on drugs, alcoholics, and basically jusL noL availablc. Ií you’re in a really
high rcnL disLricL Lhc parcnLs are noL availablc bccausc Lhcy’rc boLh working, coming
homc Lircd, Lhcy’rc jcL-setters, or they’rc working laLc aL Lhc oííicc bccausc Lhcy’re
workaholics. SomcLimcs iL jusL lcgiLimaLcly Lakcs Lwo paychccks Lo pay Lhc rcnL
anymorc.
Jack Canfield

43

I íind LhaL Lhc majoriLy oí parcnLs carc buL oíLcn Lhcy don’L know whaL Lo do.
They don’L know how Lo disciplinc Lhcir childrcn. Thcy don’L know how Lo hclp
Lhcm wiLh Lhcir homcwork. Thcy can’L pass on skills LhaL Lhcy ncvcr acquircd
Lhcmsclvcs.
UníorLunaLcly, Lhc Lrcnd Lcnds Lo bc likc a chain lcLLcr. Thc pcoplc wiLh Lhc lcasL
amounL oí skills Lcnd Lo havc Lhc mosL numbcr oí childrcn. Thc oLhcr thing is that
you gcL crack babics (iníanLs born addicLcd Lo crack cocainc bccausc oí Lhc moLhcr's
addicLion). As oí Lhis wriLing, in Ios Angclcs onc ouL oí cvcry Lcn babics born is a
crack baby.

WRIGHT
That’s unbclicvablc.

CANFIELD
Yes, and another staLisLic is LhaL by Lhc Limc 50 pcrccnL oí Lhc kids arc Lwclvc
ycars old Lhcy havc sLarLcd cxpcrimcnLing wiLh alcohol. I scc a loL oí LhaL in Lhc
Biblc bclL. Thc problcm is noL Lhc big ciLy, urban dcsigncr drugs, buL alcoholism.
AnoLhcr Lhing you gcL, uníorLunaLcly, is a loL oí lcL’s call iL ¨íamilial violcncc"—
kids gcLLing bcaL up, parcnLs who drink and Lhcn cxplodc, child abusc, and scxual
abusc. You scc a loL oí LhaL.
Wright
MosL pcoplc arc íascinaLcd by Lhcsc Lclcvision shows abouL bcing a survivor.
What has bccn Lhc grcaLcsL comcback LhaL you havc madc írom advcrsiLy in your
carccr or in your liíc`

CANFIELD
You know, iL's íunny, I don’L Lhink I’vc had a loL oí major íailurcs and scLbacks
whcrc I had Lo sLarL ovcr. My liíc’s bccn on an inLcnLional curvc. But I do have a lot
oí challcngcs. Mark and I arc always scLLing goals LhaL challcngc us. Wc always say,
¨Thc purposc oí scLLing a rcally big goal is noL so LhaL you can achicvc iL so much,
but it’s who you bccomc in Lhc proccss oí achicving iL." A íricnd oí minc, 3im Rohn,
says, ¨You wanL Lo scL goals big cnough so LhaL in Lhc proccss oí achicving Lhcm you
bccomc somconc worLh bcing."
Stepping Stones to Success

44

I Lhink LhaL Lo bc a millionairc is nicc buL so whaL` Pcoplc makc Lhc moncy and
Lhcn Lhcy losc iL. Pcoplc gcL Lhc big houscs and Lhcn Lhcy burn down or Silicon
Vallcy gocs bclly up and all oí a suddcn Lhcy don’L havc a big housc anymorc. BuL
who you bccamc in Lhc proccss oí lcarning how Lo bc succcssíul can ncvcr bc Lakcn
away írom you. So whaL wc do is consLanLly puL big challcngcs in íronL oí us.
Wc havc a book callcd Chicken Soup for the Teacher’s Soul. (You’ll havc Lo makc
surc Lo gcL a copy íor your wiíc.) I was a Lcachcr and a Lcachcr Lraincr íor ycars. BuL
bccausc oí Lhc succcss oí Lhc Chicken Soup books I havcn’t been in Lhc cducaLion
world LhaL much. I’vc goL Lo go ouL and rclcarn how I markcL Lo LhaL world. I mcL
wiLh a SupcrinLcndcnL oí Schools. I mcL wiLh a guy namcd 3ason Dorscy who’s one
oí Lhc numbcr onc consulLanLs in Lhc world in LhaL arca. I íound ouL who has the
bestsclling book in LhaL arca. I saL down wiLh his wiíc íor a day and Lalkcd abouL hcr
markcLing approachcs.
I bclicvc LhaL ií you íacc any kind oí advcrsiLy, whcLhcr it’s losing your job, your
spousc dics, you gcL divorccd, you’rc in an accidcnL likc Christopher Reeve and
bccomc paralyzcd, or whaLcvcr, you simply do whaL you havc Lo do. You íind ouL
who’s alrcady handlcd Lhc problcm and how did Lhcy’vc handlcd iL. Thcn you gcL Lhc
supporL you nccd Lo gcL Lhrough iL by Lhcir cxamplc. WhcLhcr iL’s a counselor in
your church or you go on a rcLrcaL or you rcad Lhc Biblc, you do somcLhing LhaL
givcs you Lhc supporL you nccd Lo gcL Lo Lhc oLhcr cnd.
You also havc Lo know whaL Lhc cnd is LhaL you wanL Lo havc. Do you wanL Lo bc
rcmarricd` Do you jusL wanL Lo havc a job and bc a singlc mom` WhaL is iL` Ií you
rcach ouL and ask íor supporL I Lhink you’ll gcL hclp. Pcoplc rcally likc Lo hclp oLhcr
pcoplc. Thcy’rc noL always availablc bccausc somcLimcs Lhcy’re going through
problcms also, buL Lhcrc’s always somconc wiLh a hclping hand.
OíLcn I Lhink wc lcL our pridc gcL in Lhc way. Wc lcL our sLubbornncss gcL in Lhc
way. Wc lcL our bclicí in how Lhc world should bc inLcrícrc and gcL in our way
insLcad oí dcaling wiLh how Lhc world is. Whcn wc gcL LhaL ouL oí LhaL way Lhcn wc
can sLarL doing LhaL which wc nccd Lo do Lo gcL whcrc wc nccd Lo go.

WRIGHT
Ií you could havc a plaLíorm and Lcll our audicncc somcLhing you íccl LhaL would
hclp or cncouragc Lhcm, whaL would you say`
Jack Canfield

45

CANFIELD
I’d say numbcr onc is Lo bclicvc in yoursclí, bclicvc in your drcams, and LrusL
your ícclings. I Lhink Loo many pcoplc arc Lraincd wrong whcn Lhcy’rc liLLlc kids. For
cxamplc, whcn kids arc mad aL Lhcir daddy Lhcy’re told, ¨You’rc noL mad aL your
Daddy."
They say, ¨Ccc, I LhoughL I was."
Or Lhc kid says, ¨That’s going to hurt," and Lhc docLor says, ¨No it’s noL." Then
Lhcy givc you Lhc shoL and iL hurLs. Thcy say, ¨See that didn’L hurL, did iL`" When
LhaL happcncd Lo you as a kid, you sLarLcd Lo noL LrusL yoursclí.
You may havc askcd your mom, ¨Arc you upscL`" and she says, ¨No," but she
rcally was. So you sLop lcarning Lo LrusL your pcrccpLion.
I Lcll Lhis sLory ovcr and ovcr. Thcrc arc hundrcds oí pcoplc I’vc mcL who’vc comc
írom uppcr class íamilics whcrc Lhcy makc big incomcs and the dad’s a docLor. Thc
kid wanLs Lo bc a mcchanic and work in an auLo shop bccausc LhaL’s whaL hc lovcs.
Thc íamily says, ¨That’s bcncaLh us. You can’L do LhaL." So Lhc kid cnds up bcing an
ancsLhcsiologisL killing Lhrcc pcoplc bccausc hc’s not paying aLLcnLion. WhaL hc
rcally wanLs Lo do is Linkcr wiLh cars.
I tell people you’vc goL Lo LrusL your own ícclings, your own moLivaLions, whaL
Lurns you on, whaL you wanL Lo do, whaL makcs you íccl good, and quiL worrying
abouL whaL oLhcr pcoplc say, Lhink, and wanL íor you. Dccidc whaL you wanL íor
yoursclí and Lhcn do whaL you nccd Lo do Lo go abouL gcLLing iL. IL Lakcs work.
I rcad a book a wcck minimum and aL Lhc cnd oí Lhc ycar I’vc rcad íiíLy-Lwo
books. Wc’rc Lalking abouL proícssional books—books on sclí-hclp, íinanccs,
psychology, parcnLing, and so íorLh. AL Lhc cnd oí Lcn ycars I’vc rcad 520 books.
ThaL puLs mc in Lhc Lop l pcrccnL oí pcoplc knowing imporLanL iníormaLion in Lhis
counLry. BuL mosL pcoplc arc spcnding Lhcir Limc waLching Lclcvision.
Whcn I wcnL Lo work íor W. ClcmcnL SLonc, hc Lold mc, ¨I wanL you Lo cuL ouL
onc hour a day oí Lclcvision."
¨Okay," I said, ¨whaL do I do wiLh iL`"
¨Read," hc said.
Hc Lold mc whaL kind oí books Lo rcad. Hc said, ¨AL Lhc cnd oí a ycar you’ll have
spent 365 hours rcading. Dividc LhaL by a íorLy-hour work wcck and LhaL’s nine and
a halí wccks oí cducaLion cvcry ycar."
Stepping Stones to Success

46

I thought, ¨Wow, LhaL’s Lwo monLhs." IL was likc going back Lo summcr school.
As a rcsulL oí his advicc I havc closc Lo S,000 books in my library. Thc rcason I’m
involvcd in Lhis book projccL insLcad oí somconc clsc is LhaL pcoplc likc mc, 3im
Rohn, Ics Brown, and you rcad a loL. Wc lisLcn Lo Lapcs and wc go Lo scminars.
That’s why wc’rc Lhc pcoplc wiLh Lhc iníormaLion.
I always say LhaL your raisc bccomcs cííccLivc whcn you do. You’ll bccomc morc
cííccLivc as you gain morc skills, morc insighL, and morc knowlcdgc.

WRIGHT
3ack, I havc waLchcd your carccr íor a long Limc and your accomplishmcnLs arc
jusL ouLsLanding. BuL your humaniLarian cííorLs arc rcally whaL imprcss mc. I Lhink
that you’rc doing grcaL Lhings noL only in Caliíornia, buL all ovcr Lhc counLry.

CANFIELD
It’s Lruc. In addiLion Lo all oí Lhc work wc do, wc pick onc Lo Lhrcc chariLics and
wc’vc givcn away ovcr six million dollars in Lhc lasL cighL ycars, along wiLh our
publishcr who maLchcs cvcry pcnny wc givc away. Wc’vc planLcd ovcr a million Lrccs
in YoscmiLc NaLional Park. Wc’vc boughL hundrcds oí Lhousands oí caLaracL
opcraLions in Lhird world counLrics. Wc’vc conLribuLcd Lo Lhc Rcd Cross, Lhc
Humanc SocicLy, and on iL gocs. IL íccls likc a rcal blcssing Lo bc ablc Lo makc LhaL
kind oí a conLribuLion Lo Lhc world.

WRIGHT
Today wc havc bccn Lalking wiLh 3ack Caníicld, íoundcr and co-crcaLor oí Lhc
Chicken Soup for the Soul book scrics. Chickcn Soup íor Lhc Soul rcachcs pcoplc wcll
bcyond Lhc booksLorc, wiLh CD and DVD collccLions, company-sponsorcd samplcrs,
grccLing cards, childrcn's cnLcrLainmcnL producLs, pcL íood, ílowcrs, and many
oLhcr producLs in linc wiLh Chickcn Soup íor Lhc Soul's purposc. Chickcn Soup íor
Lhc Soul is currcnLly implcmcnLing a plan Lo cxpand inLo all mcdia by working wiLh
television ncLworks on scvcral shows and dcvcloping a major InLcrncL prcscncc
dcdicaLcd Lo liíc improvcmcnL, cmoLional supporL, and inspiraLion.

Jack Canfield

47

CANFIELD
Another book I'vc wriLLcn is The Success Principles. In iL I sharc sixLy-íour
principlcs LhaL oLhcr pcoplc and I havc uLilizcd Lo achicvc grcaL lcvcls oí succcss.

WRIGHT
I will sLand in linc Lo gcL onc oí Lhosc. Thank you so much bcing wiLh us.
48

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
3ACK CANFIFID is one oí Amcrica's lcading cxpcrLs on dcvcloping sclí-csLccm
and pcak pcríormancc. A dynamic and cnLcrLaining spcakcr, as wcll as a highly
sought-aíLcr Lraincr, hc has a wondcríul abiliLy Lo iníorm and inspirc audicnccs
Loward dcvcloping Lhcir own human poLcnLial and pcrsonal cííccLivcncss.
3ack Caníicld is mosL wcll-known íor Lhc Chicken Soup for the Soul series,
which hc co-auLhorcd wiLh Mark VicLor Hanscn, and íor his audio programs
abouL building high sclí-csLccm. 3ack is Lhc íoundcr oí Sclí-FsLccm Scminars,
locaLcd in SanLa Barbara, Caliíornia, which Lrains cnLrcprcncurs, cducaLors,
corporaLc lcadcrs, and cmployccs how Lo accclcraLc Lhc achicvcmcnL oí Lhcir
pcrsonal and proícssional goals. 3ack is also íoundcr oí Thc FoundaLion íor Sclí
FsLccm, locaLcd in Culvcr CiLy, Caliíornia, which providcs sclí-csLccm rcsourccs
and Lraining Lo social workcrs, wclíarc rccipicnLs, and human rcsourcc
proícssionals.
3ack graduaLcd írom Harvard in l066, rcccivcd his MF dcgrcc aL Lhc
UnivcrsiLy oí MassachuscLLs in l073, and carncd an Honorary DocLoraLc írom
Lhc UnivcrsiLy oí SanLa Monica. Hc has bccn a high school and univcrsiLy
Lcachcr, a workshop íaciliLaLor, a psychoLhcrapisL, and a lcading auLhoriLy in
Lhc arca oí sclí-csLccm and pcrsonal dcvclopmcnL.
As a rcsulL oí his work wiLh prisoncrs, wclíarc rccipicnLs, and inncr-ciLy
youLh, 3ack was appoinLcd by Lhc SLaLc IcgislaLurc Lo Lhc Caliíornia Task Forcc
Lo PromoLc Sclí-FsLccm and Pcrsonal and Social RcsponsibiliLy. Hc also scrvcd
on Lhc Board oí TrusLccs oí Lhc NaLional Council íor Sclí-FsLccm.









49

JACK CANFIELD
The Jack Canfield Companies
P.O. Box 30SS0
Santa Barbara, CA 93130
Phonc: S05.563.2035
Fax: S05.563.2045
www.jackcaníicld.com


Stepping Stones to Success

50


51



C HA P T E R F OU R
Social Mcdia and Reputation ManagcmcnL
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Shellee Hale
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc'rc Lalking wiLh Shcllcc Halc, íoundcr oí Camandago, Inc., an
InLcrncL rcscarch íirm whosc clicnLs includc corporaLc human rcsourccs
dcparLmcnLs, law íirms, and privaLc clicnLs. As a consulLanL, Shcllcc has
coachcd many clicnLs on Lcchnology-rclaLcd issucs as wcll as providing busincss
rcscarch. Shcllcc is a liccnscd privaLc invcsLigaLor and is on Lhc Board oí Lhc
WashingLon AssociaLion oí Icgal InvcsLigaLors (WAII).
Shcllcc, Lhc amounL and varicLy oí iníormaLion LhaL can bc íound on Lhc
InLcrncL Lhcsc days is amazing. Thc InLcrncL can ccrLainly bc a grcaL tool in
connccLing pcoplc and in promoLing our busincsscs. Arc Lhcrc any conccrns
abouL using Lhc InLcrncL as a busincss Lool`

Stepping Stones to Success

52

SHELLEE HALE (HALE)
You arc absoluLcly corrccL abouL Lhc InLcrncL's poLcnLial as a busincss Lool.
Our InLcrncL ¨rcpuLaLion" can bc an asscL in achicving our liíc goals. You
mcnLioncd scvcral oí Lhcsc abovc—as a markcLing Lool íor your busincss and Lo
connccL wiLh poLcnLial clicnLs and parLncrs. Thc InLcrncL can also prohibiL us
írom obLaining our goals ií Lhc iníormaLion prcscnLcd abouL us in noL posiLivc.
I rcally apprcciaLc Lhc opporLuniLy Lo discuss Lhis bccausc I havc comc
across Loo many siLuaLions whcrc individuals havc misscd ouL on grcaL
opporLuniLics bccausc oí Lhcir InLcrncL rcpuLaLion, and usually Lhis happcns
wiLhouL Lhcir knowlcdgc. Many pcoplc simply don'L rcalizc LhaL ií somconc is
looking íor iníormaLion abouL a parLicular individual, Lhc InLcrncL is Lhc casicsL
and mosL comprchcnsivc mcLhod oí íinding iL.

WRIGHT
You havc sccn íirsLhand Lhc Lypcs oí iníormaLion availablc onlinc. Many
íirms and individuals usc Lhc InLcrncL Lo lcarn abouL poLcnLial cmployccs,
clicnLs, and busincss parLncrs. WhaL Lypcs oí iníormaLion can bc íound onlinc
Lo hclp cmploycrs and poLcnLial busincss parLncrs makc hiring and conLracLual
dccisions`

HALE
Pcrsonal and proícssional iníormaLion can bc obLaincd casily and lcgally
írom Lhc InLcrncL, and many cmploycrs and aLLorncys usc Lhis iníormaLion Lo
makc hiring dccisions or Lo bolsLcr Lhcir cascs. For a small ícc or íor no ícc aL
all, iníormaLion can bc obLaincd írom govcrnmcnL organizaLions,
municipaliLics, and oLhcr organizaLions. In somc cascs, conscnL is rcquircd. In
oLhcrs, Lhc rcqucsL musL bc madc by a liccnscd invcsLigaLor. Somc agcncics
don'L rcquirc a rcqucsL aL all, buL allow you Lo query their databases that they
makc availablc onlinc. For insLancc:

• Thc dcparLmcnL oí moLor vchiclcs will rcporL on a pcrson's driving rccord.
Somc sLaLcs rcquirc Lhc drivcr's conscnL, buL noL all. Somc sLaLcs will
noLiíy Lhc drivcr LhaL a rcqucsL has bccn madc.
Shellee Hale
!
53

• Thc dcparLmcnL oí liccnsing in somc sLaLcs allows you Lo chcck Lhc sLaLus
oí your conLracLor's liccnsc, his or her insurancc or bond, and whcLhcr
Lhcrc havc bccn complainLs againsL him or hcr. This cxLcnds Lo oLhcr
businesses that require liccnscs as wcll.
• CrcdiL burcaus will rcporL your crcdiL hisLory and crcdiL scorc wiLh your
conscnL.
• Many univcrsiLics will providc iníormaLion abouL your schooling.
• Thc sLaLc paLrol in mosL sLaLcs will chcck Lo scc ií you'vc had any íclony
oíícnscs in Lhc pasL Lhrcc ycars. For many jobs Lhis is rcquircd as a
condiLion oí cmploymcnL.
• Many counLics havc opcn daLabascs LhaL allow uscrs Lo íind ouL who owns
a parLicular propcrLy, how much Lhc owncr paid íor iL and whcLhcr his or
hcr propcrLy Lax is currcnL. This could bc a uscíul Lool íor a poLcnLial
busincss parLncr. Pcoplc can dcLcrminc ií you havc Lhc rcsourccs Lo cnLcr
inLo a dcal.

TradiLionally, Lo gcL Lhis iníormaLion, Lhc íirm handling Lhc background
chcck had Lo makc calls and íax íorms. RcsulLs írom Lhcsc iníormaLion rcqucsLs
could Lakc a ícw days Lo scvcral wccks.
Nowadays, much oí Lhc iníormaLion abovc can bc íound onlinc, as morc
agcncics arc making proccsscs morc cííicicnL. Bccausc oí Lhis, iníormaLion can
bc íound almosL insLanLancously. Fmploycrs and oLhcr busincsscs arc willing Lo
ask íor morc iníormaLion Lhan cvcr bcíorc bccausc Lhcy arc ablc Lo gcL iL in a
Limcly manncr. ILcms such as crcdiL rcporLs and propcrLy Lax hisLory, which
wcrc noL parL oí a Lypical background chcck, arc now bccoming morc common
sincc Lhc iníormaLion is casy Lo gcL and can hclp a poLcnLial busincss partner
dccidc ií hc or shc wanLs Lo cnLcr a rclaLionship.
And Lhcsc arc jusL Lhc Lhird parLy iníormaLion sourccs. WiLh Lhc risc oí
social ncLworking siLcs, morc pcrsonal iníormaLion is availablc Lhan cvcr
bcíorc.

WRIGHT
You bring up social ncLworking siLcs. How do Lhcsc siLcs play inLo an
individual's InLcrncL rcpuLaLion`

Stepping Stones to Success

54

HALE
Thc sourccs abovc arc whaL I Lcrm third-party sourccs. Thcy arc indcpcndcnL
sourccs rcporLing íacLual iníormaLion on a parLicular subjccL, in Lhis casc, an
individual. WiLh social ncLworking siLcs, iníormaLion is publishcd íirsLhand.
FurLhcrmorc, iL is publishcd willingly and dclibcraLcly by Lhc individual on his
or hcr proíilc pagc. ThaL basically says Lo Lhc vicwcr, ¨I approvc oí Lhis conLcnL
LhaL you arc sccing on my pagc."
Thc íacL is, conLcnL LhaL is okay íor a collcgc buddy Lo scc may or may noL bc
appropriaLc íor co-workcrs or your boss. Dcpcnding on Lhc pcrsonal policy oí
Lhc individual, LhaL iníormaLion may bc obLainablc ií an InLcrncL rcscarchcr
was hircd Lo íind iL.

WRIGHT
Is Lhis bccausc Lhcir scLLings arc lax`

HALE
Usually Lhis is Lhc casc. MosL uscrs spcnd no morc Lhan a couplc oí minutes
acquainLing Lhcmsclvcs wiLh Lhc privacy scLLings on Lhc siLcs Lhcy usc. Couplc
Lhis Lcndcncy wiLh Lhc naLural assumpLion LhaL pcoplc looking íor you havc
íricndly inLcnLions and an individual can bc casily LargcLcd. Thcrc arc plcnLy oí
íraudulcnL schcmcs ouL Lhcrc LhaL arc succcssíul bccausc oí Lhis assumpLion.
From a proícssional poinL oí vicw, Lhc issuc bccomcs onc oí conLrol simply
bccausc Lhc purposc oí Lhcsc siLcs is íor pcoplc Lo íind cach oLhcr. Somc siLcs
havc bcLLcr conLrols in placc Lhan oLhcrs, buL conLrols arcn'L complcLcly
cusLomizablc. Uscrs wanL Lo bc ablc Lo do onc Lhing in onc casc, and somcLhing
clsc in anoLhcr, buL a scLLing only allows Lhcm Lo choosc onc way. Thc uscr may
opL íor a lax scLLing in ordcr Lo lcL morc pcoplc íind Lhcm, but in doing so they
may bc morc cxposcd Lo unwanLcd aLLcnLion as wcll.

WRIGHT
So ií wc havc conLrol oí our conLcnL and who can scc iL, wc'rc saíc`

Shellee Hale
!
55

HALE
Ycs and no. I know wc arc all sccking a surcíirc way Lo usc Lhcsc siLcs worry-
írcc, and wc can gcL prcLLy closc. BuL LruLhíully, wc arc cngaging in risk
managcmcnL. Ií a pcrson chooscs Lo usc Lhcsc siLcs, Lhcrc will always bc somc
risk, no maLLcr how small.
Bccausc Lhc poinL oí social ncLworking siLcs is Lo cncouragc inLcracLion wiLh
oLhcrs, commcnLs, ncws, and rcqucsLs írom íricnds show on an individual's
pagc. And whilc iL is possiblc Lo kccp Lhis iníormaLion oíí your pagc, LhaL rcally
isn'L Lhc poinL. You wanL Lo conLribuLc Lo a ncLwork and also rcccivc írom iL.
BuL Lhis docs havc inhcrcnL risks. You only know whaL somconc has wriLLcn on
your pagc oncc iL's publishcd. Ií you havc carcíully sclccLcd who has acccss Lo
your siLc, 00 pcrccnL oí Lhc Limc Lhcrc is no issuc. BuL Lhc risk is always Lhcrc.
IL's an illusion Lo Lhink wc havc complcLc conLrol ovcr Lhc conLcnL oí our pagcs
ií wc usc Lhc siLcs as Lhcy arc inLcndcd.

WRIGHT
So, whaL can wc do Lo managc our iníormaLion íor posiLivc rcsulLs`

HALE
Thcrc arc somc acLions LhaL you can Lakc Lo proLccL your onlinc rcpuLaLion
and build your proícssional ncLwork aL Lhc samc Limc:

• Choosc a ncLwork whosc purposc maLchcs yours. Ií you arc looking íor
proícssional ncLworking opporLuniLics, choosc a ncLwork crcaLcd íor LhaL
purposc. Ií Lhc inLcnL is Lo kccp in Louch wiLh long disLancc íamily and
íricnds, opL íor a ncLwork LhaL is dcsigncd wiLh LhaL goal in mind.
• SclccL a rcspccLablc ncLwork. NoL all ncLworks arc crcaLcd cqual. Choosc
wiscly.
• Kccp your busincss and social ncLworks scparaLc. Somc carccrs dcmand
morc discrcLion Lhan oLhcrs, buL mosL pcoplc can bcncíiL írom Lhis
sLraLcgy. Whilc you may wish Lo includc busincss conLacLs whom you know
socially in your social ncLwork, you probably do noL wanL Lo add social
acquainLanccs Lo your proícssional ncLwork unlcss you inLcnd Lo ncLwork
wiLh cach oLhcr in LhaL capaciLy. And ií you don'L wanL Lo add a co-workcr
Lo your social ncLwork, you don'L havc Lo. Ií a busincss associaLc íinds your
Stepping Stones to Success

56

social pagc, simply scnd a rcqucsL Lo him or hcr írom your busincss
ncLwork.
• MainLain conLrol ovcr your pagc. UndcrsLand who can scc your pagc, your
commcnLs, your phoLos, and your íricnds. Havc a policy rcgarding whaL
you will do wiLh rcqucsLs írom pcoplc you don'L know. RcqucsLs can comc
írom íricnds oí íricnds, írom individuals looking íor a íricnd wiLh a samc
or similar namc, or írom pcoplc unknown Lo you. Havc a policy on how you
will handlc Lhcsc cvcnLs whcn Lhcy arisc. Don'L bc aíraid Lo ignorc rcqucsLs
you are unsure abouL.

WRIGHT
IL sccms LhaL uscrs rcally nccd Lo undcrsLand LhaL Lhcir onlinc proíilcs arc
as imporLanL as Lhcir proícssional and pcrsonal rcpuLaLion. How can wc usc Lhc
social ncLworking siLcs or Lhc InLcrncL in gcncral Lo achicvc our liíc goals`

HALE
Dcpcnding on your goals, Lhc opporLuniLics arc cndlcss. IcL's look aL Lhis
írom Lhrcc poinLs oí vicw: Busincss, Iiíc, and RclaLionships.
From a busincss pcrspccLivc, scvcral goals comc Lo mind. You may wanL Lo
usc Lhc InLcrncL as a way Lo grow your busincss. Morc pcoplc can lcarn abouL
your busincss ií Lhcy íind your siLc whcn Lhcy scarch. Oncc Lhcy gcL Lhcrc,
poLcnLial clicnLs musL íind whaL Lhcy arc looking íor on your siLc so Lhcy arc
compcllcd Lo sLay. Your goal is LhaL Lhcy bookmark your siLc, comc back Lo iL
oíLcn, and cvcnLually makc a purchasc or rcqucsL morc iníormaLion. In Lhis
casc, your sLraLcgy is a wcll-conccivcd, compclling Wcb siLc.
AnoLhcr common usc oí Lhc InLcrncL írom a busincss pcrspccLivc is
ncLworking. 3oining a proícssional ncLwork can bc invaluablc. AL your
íingcrLips, you havc conLacL iníormaLion íor pcoplc you may wanL Lo do
busincss wiLh. You can also gcL qucsLions answcrcd írom proícssionals in Lhcir
íiclds or lcL pcoplc you rcspccL know LhaL you arc considcring a carccr changc.
A posiLivc InLcrncL rcpuLaLion is impcraLivc íor Lhcsc sLraLcgics Lo work.
From a liíc goal pcrspccLivc, again, Lhc InLcrncL providcs iníiniLc
opporLuniLics. Coals can bc shorL-Lcrm, long-Lcrm, or somcwhcrc in bcLwccn.
IcL's Lakc a shorL-Lcrm goal—you wanL Lo join a book club. Pcrhaps you havc
Shellee Hale
!
57

askcd around and bccn unablc Lo íind onc or you havc rcccnLly rclocaLcd and
don'L havc Lhc connccLions ycL. So whaL do you do`
Wcll, hcrc is a posiLivc way LhaL social ncLworking can hclp. You go Lo a siLc
such as mccLup.com. On Lhis parLicular siLc, you can íind pcoplc wiLh common
inLcrcsLs in a spcciíic gcographic arca. In mosL oí Lhcsc cascs, you ask Lo join a
group, and Lhc group íoundcr or lcadcr approvcs your rcqucsL. Many oí Lhcsc
groups mccL in a public placc, which hclps ovcrcomc poLcnLial saícLy conccrns.
MosL oí Lhcsc groups arc íoundcd duc Lo a common inLcrcsL. Thcrc arc book
clubs, winc clubs, dinncr clubs, alumni groups, groups LhaL cmbracc ccrLain
causcs, groups bascd on sporLs, and so on. Thc rangc is vasL. ThaL's onc
cxamplc oí how a shorL-Lcrm goal can bc achicvcd wiLh a social ncLworking siLc.
Thc InLcrncL can also bc uscd íor longcr-Lcrm goals. Many univcrsiLics oíícr
onlinc dcgrcc programs. Ií your goal is Lo bccomc skillcd íor a ncw carccr, Lhcrc
arc scvcral onlinc programs availablc dcpcnding on whaL you wanL Lo do. Somc
are entirely Web-bascd, and somc arc run Lhrough local collcgcs whcrc onlinc
classcs arc an opLion. SiLcs LhaL oíícr onlinc lcarning includc UnivcrsiLy oí
Phocnix, Capclla UnivcrsiLy, and DcVry UnivcrsiLy. Thcrc arc many oLhcrs.
For many pcoplc, Lhc InLcrncL may bc Lhc lasL placc Lo look Lo dcvclop
rclaLionships. BuL as wc havc sccn in Lhc book club cxamplc mcnLioncd
prcviously, Lhcrc arc saíc and producLivc ways Lo usc Lhc InLcrncL Lo mccL
pcoplc wiLh social ncLworking siLcs. Whcrc an individual may shy away írom
daLing siLcs, mccLing somconc wiLh a common inLcrcsL íccls saícr—physically
and cmoLionally—ycL Lhis íricndship may progrcss inLo a morc scrious
rclaLionship. For Lhosc who arc comíorLablc wiLh daLing siLcs, many pcoplc
havc uscd Lhcsc siLcs succcssíully.
For pcoplc who do kccp a proícssional and/or pcrsonal proíilc on a social
ncLworking siLc, mainLaining rclaLionships and sLaying in conLacL bccomcs
much casicr. RcconnccLing wiLh pasL íricnds, acquainLanccs, and co-workcrs is
onc oí Lhc main rcasons pcoplc usc Lhcsc siLcs and in a world whcrc rclocaLing
has bccomc quiLc common, iL is a grcaL way Lo sLill íccl connccLcd Lo pcoplc
írom your pasL.

Stepping Stones to Success

58

WRIGHT
Wc'vc discusscd social ncLworks as a way Lo dcvclop and mainLain busincss
rclaLionships. WhaL can uscrs cxpccL ií Lhcy join a siLc such as IinkcdIn`

HALE
In iLs mosL basic íorm, IinkcdIn is csscnLially your onlinc rolodcx. Oí
coursc, ícw pcoplc usc a rolodcx anymorc, and basically LhaL is bccausc
iníormaLion can bc bcLLcr managcd in an clccLronic íormaL. Now imaginc LhaL
many pcoplc all sLorc Lhcir onlinc rolodcx in Lhc samc placc. FurLhcrmorc, all
Lhcsc rolodcxcs arc linkcd wiLh cach oLhcr Lhrough common cnLrics. ThaL is the
csscncc oí IinkcdIn. My proíilc may havc íiíLy busincss conLacLs in iL, and cach
oí Lhcsc conLacLs may havc íiíLy conLacLs. Ií I havc an indusLry-spcciíic
qucsLion, am looking íor a ncw job, or nccd Lo hirc somconc wiLh a spcciíic skill
scL, my ncLwork can hclp mc. I'm also inclincd Lo usc my ncLwork bccausc I
know Lhc pcoplc I'm dcaling wiLh. This is Lhc undcrlying prcmisc Lo Lhc succcss
oí Wcb 2.0.

WRIGHT
WhaL is Wcb 2.0`

HALE
Wcb 2.0 rcícrs Wcb siLcs LhaL promoLc or cvcn dcpcnd on uscr
parLicipaLion. This includcs social ncLwork siLcs, blogs, producL raLing modulcs
wiLhin siLcs, and oLhcr siLcs LhaL rcly on uscr-gcncraLcd acLions or conLcnL.
Originally, Lhc World Widc Wcb consisLcd oí sLaLic Wcb pagcs and onc-way
communicaLion. Thc currcnL gcncraLion oí Wcb siLcs—Wcb 2.0—treats users
as acLivc parLicipanLs raLhcr Lhan rcccivcrs oí iníormaLion. Thc Wcb sLill
providcs iníormaLion, oí coursc, buL uscrs now havc Lhc opporLuniLy Lo answcr
back. Social ncLworking siLcs, blogs, onlinc communiLics, and producL rcvicws
arc all componcnLs oí Wcb 2.0.

Shellee Hale
!
59

WRIGHT
You havc givcn us somc cxamplcs oí how Lhc InLcrncL, Wcb 2.0, and social
ncLworking Lools can hclp us achicvc spcciíic goals. WhaL abouL largcr goals or
carccr changcs`

HALE
Many people have used the InLcrncL and Wcb 2.0 siLcs spcciíically Lo achicvc
long-Lcrm goals.
For insLancc, I havc known bloggcrs who havc bccomc cxpcrLs in Lhcir
subjccLs and havc bccn oíícrcd book conLracLs by Lop publishcrs. AnoLhcr
íricnd rcuniLcd wiLh an old co-workcr on a social ncLworking siLc and Lhc Lwo
oí Lhcm havc sincc launchcd Lhcir own producL linc. AnoLhcr cx-coworkcr has
launchcd a vcnLurc capiLal íirm íor small busincsscs and gcLs plcnLy oí lcads
írom his own social ncLwork and LhaL oí íricnds. Iargc companics havc
programs such as MicrosoíL's BizSparq LhaL bring ccrLain skill scLs LogcLhcr
wiLh inLcrcsLcd invcsLors or oLhcrs who havc complcmcnLary skills.
All oí Lhcsc carccr succcss sLorics arc byproducLs oí Wcb 2.0.

WRIGHT
Arc Lhcrc any guidclincs wc can íollow Lo kccp our onlinc rcpuLaLions
posiLivc and proícssional`

HALE
Hcrc arc íour sLcps an individual can Lakc Lo usc Wcb 2.0 sLraLcgics
succcssíully:

l. Ncvcr usc a íalsc namc. Ií you arcn'L willing Lo say iL in your own namc,
don'L say iL!
2. Don'L puL down oLhcr pcoplc's work or commcnLs. Ií you disagrcc wiLh a
commcnL or nccd Lo makc a commcnL LhaL conílicLs wiLh oLhcr poinLs oí
vicw, basc your commcnL in íacLs, noL cmoLions or opinion.
3. Kccp iL clcan. MosL oí us arc noL cclcbriLics, buL a good cxcrcisc in building
a posiLivc onlinc rcpuLaLion is Lo prcLcnd LhaL you arc. Managc Lhc conLcnL
oí your social ncLwork pagcs Lo cnsurc Lhcy prcscnL an accuraLc porLrayal
Stepping Stones to Success

60

oí you. Ask yoursclí, ií my siLc's sccuriLy was hackcd Loday and anyonc can
scc my conLcnL, am I okay wiLh LhaL`
4. Pcríorm your own ¨background chcck." Do you havc conccrns abouL Lhc
pasL` IL's noL unusual Lo havc a Lraííic LickcL or a misscd paymcnL. BuL ií
you know whaL a poLcnLial cmploycr or crcdiLor may íind, you will bc rcady
Lo cxplain any less-than-glowing iLcms LhaL pop up.

WRIGHT
How can wc pcríorm our own background chcck`

HALE
Onc way Lo do Lhis is Lo scc yoursclí Lhrough Lhc cycs oí Lhc individual who
may bc hircd Lo pcríorm a background chcck. This is a dcícnsivc sLraLcgy, but
onc LhaL can oíícr bcncíiLs ií you can bc honcsL wiLh yoursclí. Ií your job
applicaLion claims you'vc ncvcr bccn arrcsLcd, will your background chcck show
somcLhing diíícrcnL` Ií your rcsumc sLaLcs you hold a dcgrcc in a subjccL, will
Lhc collcgc or univcrsiLy back LhaL up` Ií your markcLing collaLcral claims you
havc ccrLain rcvcnucs, will a look aL your books coníirm Lhc numbcrs` AcccpL
LhaL much oí Lhis iníormaLion can bc discovcrcd ií somconc was cmploycd Lo
look.

WRIGHT
Ií wc do havc lcss Lhan posiLivc cvcnLs in our hisLory, whaL should wc do`

HALE
Dcpcnding on Lhc siLuaLion, Lhc íollowing LacLics may bc hclpíul:

• Takc carc oí anyLhing LhaL is in your dirccL conLrol. On your ncLwork
pagcs, blogs, and any oLhcr placc Lhis may apply, rcmovc ncgaLivc rcmarks,
including jokcs. Takc down disparaging phoLos oí yoursclí and íricnds.
SLop Lhc coloríul commcnLary.
• Kccp abrcasL oí whaL is in your crcdiL hisLory aL all Lhrcc crcdiL burcaus. Ií
Lhcrc is an crror in onc oí your rcporLs, gcL iL íixcd. Ií Lhere is a negative
cvcnL in your hisLory, you havc Lhc righL Lo add a commcnL. Do so, giving
Shellee Hale
!
61

Lhc circumsLanccs, so LhaL anyonc looking can aL lcasL havc Lhc wholc
picLurc bcíorc making a dccision.
• Makc surc your rcsumc dcpicLs your cducaLion corrccLly. Ií you don’t have
dcgrcc, sLaLc LhaL you aLLcndcd íour ycars oí collcgc and namc your
program oí sLudy. You may noL hold a dcgrcc, buL you did gain somc
cducaLion.
• Ií you do havc an arrcsL rccord or mulLiplc iníracLions, your opLions may bc
limiLcd. Thcrc is usually a Limc limiL on how íar back an invcsLigaLor will
look, Lypically Lhrcc ycars. Fclonics rcmain on your rccord. Ií you havc a
íairly rcccnL iníracLion, an aLLorncy can advisc you oí whaL sLcps you can
Lakc Lo scal or cxpungc your rccord. NoL cvcryLhing can bc handlcd Lhis
way, and diíícrcnL sLaLcs havc diíícrcnL rulcs.
• Abovc all, bc honcsL. No onc is pcríccL. MosL pcoplc undcrsLand LhaL
misLakcs happcn. Ií you arc ccrLain LhaL a poLcnLially ncgaLivc cvcnL will bc
revealed, be ready to address it in a non-dcícnsivc, rcsponsiblc manncr.

Oncc you havc donc cvcryLhing wiLhin your powcr Lo puL LogcLhcr a
proícssional proíilc, iL is Limc Lo movc ahcad wiLh Lhc knowlcdgc LhaL you arc
puLLing your bcsL íooL íorward.

WRIGHT
Now LhaL wc arc rcady Lo build our ncLwork and incrcasc our opporLuniLics
íor succcss, how do wc go abouL iL`

HALE
This is Lhc íun parL bccausc wc arc bcing proacLivc and wc can rcally sLarL
sccing Lhc íruiLs oí our labors. Dcpcnding on our pcrsonal goals, whcrc wc
íocus our cncrgy may bc diíícrcnL, buL Lhcrc arc scvcral sLraLcgics LhaL apply Lo
mosL siLuaLions.
First, dccidc whaL your goal is. Arc you scarching íor a ncw carccr` Arc you
growing your cxisLing busincss` Or is Lhis a complcmcnLary or sidc busincss` In
all oí Lhcsc cascs whaL is nccdcd is cxposurc. You nccd Lo lcL pcoplc know you
arc ouL Lhcrc and whaL skills and knowlcdgc you posscss.

Stepping Stones to Success

62

• Fxpand your connccLions. Always bc on Lhc lookouL íor pcoplc Lo add Lo
your ncLwork. Oí coursc you arc going Lo bc purposcíul in Lhis, mcaning
you arcn'L adding jusL havc morc namcs. BuL as morc pcoplc conLinuc Lo
join ncLworks, and as inLroducLions arc madc Lhrough íricnds, your
ncLwork can always bc cxpanding.
• 3oin onlinc communiLics LhaL will kccp you updaLcd on Lhc Lopics you arc
inLcrcsLcd in.
• ParLicipaLc in onlinc communiLics in ordcr Lo add valuc Lo Lhc siLc and gain
cxposurc aL Lhc samc Limc. Thcsc siLcs, ií uscd propcrly, bcncíiL all
parties—Lhc communiLy hosL, Lhc parLicipanLs, and oLhcr mcmbcrs.
• CrcaLc a blog or Wcb siLc in your arca oí cxpcrLisc. Bccomc a rcspccLcd
sourcc íor oLhcrs and cvcnLually you may bc ablc Lo moncLizc Lhc siLc.
• Kccp pursuing lcads. As doors conLinuc Lo opcn, your chanccs oí succcss
conLinuc Lo incrcasc.

WRIGHT
Thank you, Shcllcc, íor sharing your knowlcdgc oí InLcrncL rcscarch and
Wcb 2.0 bcncíiLs.

HALE
IL has bccn a plcasurc discussing how powcríul a LoolscL Lhc InLcrncL, Wcb
2.0, and Social NcLworking can bc. Thc sccrcL is Lo scc Lhcsc cnLiLics as Lools,
acLivcly parLicipaLc according Lhc guidclincs mcnLioncd abovc, and vicw Lhc
producL oí our parLicipaLion as an onlinc rcsumc or biography. WiLh LhaL
ouLlook, wc arc compcllcd Lo prcscnL oursclvcs jusL as wc would in a social
siLuaLion or an inLcrvicw. ConducLing oursclvcs in a proícssional manncr and
acLivcly parLicipaLing opcns up opporLuniLics wc would noL havc oLhcrwisc, and
can rcward us wiLh liíc-cnhancing cxpcricnccs.
63

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
Shellee Hale has workcd wiLh companics as a busincss and
managcmcnL consulLanL íor over LwcnLy years. She is a Registered Counselor,
CcrLiíicd Iiíc Coach, and AuLhor. Farly clicnLs includcd high Lcch íirms sccking
Lo uLilizc ncw Lcchnology íor a busincss advanLagc. As Lhc InLcrncL grcw,
Shellee’s LoolscL cxpandcd Lo includc many íorms oí clccLronic iníormaLion íor
her clicnLs. AíLcr providing clccLronic rcscarch íor a lcgal casc, Shcllcc wcnL on
to earn her private investigator liccnsc and has cnhanccd hcr Lcchnical
consulLing cxpcrLisc wiLh sLraLcgic clccLronic and InLcrncL-based investigative
skills. Shcllcc is on Lhc board oí Lhc WashingLon AssociaLion oí Icgal
InvcsLigaLors, a mcmbcr oí InLcrnaLional Coaching FcdcraLion, National
WriLcrs Union, SocicLy oí Proícssional 3ournalism, Mcdia Bloggcrs AssociaLion,
and Lhc Proícssional AssociaLion oí InLuiLivc ConsulLanLs. Shellee is also a
íounding parLncr and VP oí Clobal Mcdia RclaLions aL IivcAmcrica.com.


SHELLEE HALE
Camandago, Inc.
227 Bellevue Way NE #80
Bellevue, WA 98004
shcllccøcamandago.com
www.camandago.com
www.coachshcllcc.com




Stepping Stones to Success

64


65



C HA P T E R F I V E
Building Principlcs íor Succcss
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Tifphanie Tucker
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc'rc Lalking wiLh Tiíphanic Tuckcr. An cxciLing and cxubcranL
moLivaLional spcakcr, Tiíphanic challcngcs womcn oí all agcs Lo build Lhcir livcs
bascd on rock-solid principlcs and a íirm íoundaLion. Hcr dclivcry Lcchniquc is
capLivaLing and absoluLcly powcríul. Tiíphanic owns and opcraLcs hcr own
consLrucLion company whcrc shc and hcr Lcam build and rcnovaLc homcs. In Lhc
malc dominaLcd world oí consLrucLion, shc lcarncd Lo navigaLc and succccd in a
business thaL has Lransíormcd hcr inLo a sLrong and passionaLc individual.
Tiíphanic, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

TIFPHANIE TUCKER (TUCKER)
Thank you.


Stepping Stones to Success

66

WRIGHT
So will you Lcll our rcadcrs how did Lhc namc íor your busincss, Womcn Undcr
ConsLrucLion, comc abouL`

TUCKER
Womcn Undcr ConsLrucLion was born as a rcsulL oí my cxpcricnccs as a ícmalc
liccnscd gcncral conLracLor and owncr oí a consLrucLion company. I havc builL and
rcnovaLcd homcs íor many íamilics. As a buildcr, I cncounLcrcd challcngcs and
obsLaclcs LhaL havc hclpcd mc Lo dcvclop characLcr, paLicncc, and pcrscvcrancc.
WiLh Womcn Undcr ConsLrucLion, I usc my cxpcrLisc in ovcrcoming obsLaclcs and
Lhc lcssons lcarncd írom my work in Lhis challcnging indusLry Lo cncouragc
womcn Lo build on a íoundaLion capablc oí wiLhsLanding liíc's sLorms.

WRIGHT
So whaL is Lhc main mcssagc you wanL Lo convcy so LhaL Lhcy can lcarn írom
your succcss`

TUCKER
Building a housc is a proccss and so is building a liíc. Whcn building a housc, iL
is ncccssary Lo crcaLc plans and work as parL oí a Lcam Lo gcL Lhc job donc. Thc kcy
Lo succcss in consLrucLion is having a clcar vision. As a gcncral conLracLor, parL oí
my rcsponsibiliLy is Lo adopL Lhc vision as my own and Lurn iL inLo a concrcLc
rcaliLy. I can'L build a housc alonc. IL Lakcs a Lcam oí pcoplc Lo makc Lhis happcn. I
havc lcarncd Lo collaboraLc and rcly on Lhc skills oí cxpcricnccd subconLracLors Lo
do Lhc work.
In daily liíc, wc havc Lo surround oursclvcs wiLh a Lcam oí cxpcricnccd and wisc
builders—pcoplc who havc gonc Lhrough a sLorm and wcaLhcrcd iL. Thcsc arc
pcoplc who havc visions and pcoplc who will cncouragc succcss. Many Limcs wc
oíLcn allow Lhc wrong Lcam oí pcoplc Lo cnLcr our livcs. This can havc a ncgaLivc
impacL on our abiliLy Lo clariíy our vision and rcach our goals in liíc.
I Lcll pcoplc Lo drivc Lhrough a ncighborhood and Lakc a good look aL Lhc
houscs. Thc houscs may havc many similariLics and diíícrcnccs. From Lhc ouLsidc,
iL is impossiblc Lo Lcll whaL Lhcir íoundaLions arc likc. A sLorm could shakc Lhc
Tifphanie Tucker
67

housc írom Lhc íoundaLion ií iL is poorly consLrucLcd. Thc samc is Lruc oí Lhc
individuals wc surround oursclvcs wiLh in liíc. Whilc Lhcy may havc visiblc
similariLics and diíícrcnccs, iL's imporLanL Lo look dccp wiLhin and discovcr whaL
makcs up Lhc corc oí Lhcir íoundaLion.

WRIGHT
You spcak mcLaphorically abouL building a housc and building a succcssíul liíc.
What business strategies havc you applicd using Lhis conccpL Lo bccomc
succcssíul`

TUCKER
Whcn I sLarLcd my consLrucLion company, I iniLially íaccd many challcngcs.
Somc oí Lhosc challcngcs wcrc bccausc consLrucLion is a malc-dominaLcd
proícssion. IL was diííiculL Lo ovcrcomc sLcrcoLypcs, communicaLion barricrs, and
Lo solvc problcms. I oíLcn bccamc discouragcd and wanLcd Lo Lhrow in Lhc Lowcl.
Thc kcy Lo my succcss was in rcsLrucLuring my Lhinking Lo bc morc posiLivc and Lo
cmbracc Lhc challcngcs. My mind had Lo bccomc a solid íoundaLion capablc oí
supporLing Lhc busincss. FvcryLhing rcsLcd upon my ouLlook. From LhaL poinL, I
was ablc Lo build a succcssíul busincss.

WRIGHT
So how did you concludc LhaL spcaking was your passion`

TUCKER
My busincss is uniquc in LhaL I can providc homcs íor íamilics in nccd, jobs íor
my cmployccs and oLhcr conLracLors in my indusLry, and my pcrsonal skills and
aLLribuLcs allow mc Lo Lcach oLhcrs how Lo build sLrong íoundaLions in Lhcir own
livcs. WiLh my lcadcrship and managcmcnL cxpcricncc, I bccamc a moLivaLional
spcakcr, hclping oLhcrs lcarn Lo sLarL Lhcir own busincsscs builL on rock-solid
principlcs and a íirm íoundaLion likc minc.
From my proícssional cxpcricncc as a buildcr and my involvcmcnL wiLh
womcn's minisLrics, I havc bccn inspircd Lo cncouragc and supporL cnLrcprcncurs
as Lhcy sLrivc íor proícssional and pcrsonal succcss. I scck Lo Lcach oLhcrs Lhc
Stepping Stones to Success

68

ncccssary survival skills Lo makc iL Lhrough any sLorm and posiLion Lhcmsclvcs íor
spiriLual wcllncss and proícssional succcss.

WRIGHT
So whaL kind oí íoundaLion arc you building on`

TUCKER
I havc bccn building homcs and my work in Lhc consLrucLion busincss is
complcmcnLcd in uniquc ways by my spiriLualiLy, lcadcrship, and managcmcnL
skills. I can Lakc a scL oí blucprinLs and Lransíorm Lhcm in a Langiblc rcaliLy—a
placc whcrc a íamily can livc or a busincss can opcraLc. AL Lhc samc Limc, I also
look Lo Cod and His Word as Lhc blucprinLs and my íaiLh in ChrisL as Lhc
íoundaLion íor my daily liíc.
This combinaLion oí skills and bclicís has hclpcd mc Lo bccomc a succcssíul
consLrucLion company owncr and moLivaLional spcakcr.

WRIGHT
MosL pcoplc I'vc Lalkcd wiLh who arc vcry succcssíul havc always Lalkcd abouL
Lhc hard Limcs—Lhc Lhings LhaL wcnL wrong. WhaL obsLaclcs havc you íaccd and
how can you inspirc oLhcrs`

TUCKER
Thc mindscL LhaL I approach challcngcs and sLorms wiLh dcLcrmincs the
ouLcomc oí cvcry projccL.
Thc vcry íirsL homc I aLLcmpLcd Lo build was puL on hold bccausc Lhc bank
dcnicd Lhc íinancing. ThaL scLback was simply a small rain showcr in Lhc proccss. I
pcrscvcrcd and soughL alLcrnaLivc soluLions Lo gcL Lhrough Lhc ¨bad wcaLhcr" and
rcach Lhc rainbow on Lhc oLhcr sidc. Ií I had acccpLcd onc bank's word as íinal, I
ncvcr would havc sccn Lhc smilc on Lhc ncw homcowncrs' íaccs whcn Lhcy cuL Lhc
ribbon and rcccivcd Lhc kcy Lo Lhc housc I builL íor Lhcm.
Icarning Lo navigaLc and succccd in Lhc consLrucLion busincss has Lransíormcd
mc inLo a sLrong and passionaLc individual.

Tifphanie Tucker
69

WRIGHT
Ií you could wriLc a prcscripLion íor succcss whaL would iL bc`

TUCKER
In my scminars, I Lcll pcoplc LhaL Lhcy arc Lhc buildcrs oí Lhcir livcs. People see
Lhc houscs I build aíLcr Lhcy arc complcLcd. Thcy do noL scc Lhc sLcp-by-step
proccsscs LhaL wcnL inLo crcaLing Lhc íinishcd producL. Thc dcgrcc oí cííorL and
moLivaLion iL Lakcs Lo build a housc is similar Lo whaL's ncccssary íor building a
succcssíul liíc.
My prcscripLion would bc Lo carcíully survcy Lhc LcrriLory in which you wanL Lo
cmbark and succccd. CrcaLc a vision wiLh rcalisLic goals and wriLc iL down. Movc
íorward and puL your wriLLcn plan inLo acLion. Scck wisc counscl along Lhc way
and always asscss your progrcss. Makc Lhc ncccssary modiíicaLions and
adjusLmcnLs whcn you cncounLcr uníorcsccablc roadblocks. Claim vicLory along
Lhc way and rcjoicc whcn you succccd.
I would also cmphasizc Lhc íollowing poinLs in conjuncLion wiLh my
prescripLion íor succcss:

l. As Lhc buildcr oí your liíc you havc Lo havc a plan. Fvcn Lhc Biblc cncouragcs
us Lo wriLc a vision and makc iL plain. WriLc a lisL oí goals íor all your
cndcavors you wanL Lo accomplish.
2. As a buildcr, I havc Lo íollow a plan LhaL includcs spcciíic milcsLoncs. Ií Lhosc
milcsLoncs arc noL mcL in a Limcly íashion, Lhc projccL will bc dclaycd. Thc
samc is Lruc in liíc. Ií you gcL oíí coursc, rcvisc your schcdulc and gcL back on
Lrack.
3. Whcn I build a housc, I havc Lo build on a solid íoundaLion. Iiíc also has Lo bc
builL on a solid íoundaLion. My íoundaLion is madc up oí Lhc biblical principlcs
íound in Lhc Word oí Cod. WiLh Lhis knowlcdgc, I am ablc Lo build wiscly. Bc a
buildcr wiLh inLcgriLy.
4. Build virLuously upon your íoundaLion. Thc íour walls oí virLuc includc
pcrsisLcncc, paLicncc, passion, and a posiLivc aLLiLudc. Thcsc aLLribuLcs havc
hclpcd mc bccomc succcssíul and sLand sLrong in Lhc íacc oí advcrsiLy.
5. Thc walls oí a housc supporL Lhc rooí. Thc rooí rcprcscnLs your mind. Ií the
rooí lcaks, Lhc insidc will bc damagcd. Surround yoursclí wiLh posiLivc,
succcssíul pcoplc who havc your bcsL inLcrcsL and wanL you Lo succccd.
Stepping Stones to Success

70

ProLccL Lhc inLcrior oí your housc by bcing around pcoplc who arc succcssíul
and supporLivc oí whaL you arc Lrying Lo accomplish in your liíc.

WRIGHT
So whaL docs succcss mcan Lo you`

TUCKER
Succcss mcans accomplishing Lhc goals I scL. IL mcans having a plan and
sLraLcgizing Lo rcach Lhc goals. IL mcans cxpccLing Lhc uncxpccLcd and mcnLally
prcparing Lo ovcrcomc any obsLaclcs. Succcss also mcans knowing LhaL Lhcrc will
bc hurdlcs along Lhc way, buL jumping ovcr Lhcm wiLh gracc and prccision. Finally,
succcss is knowing LhaL a housc is noL builL in onc day, buL iL can bc builL.

WRIGHT
Wcll I'vc bccn a gcncral conLracLor in my liíc, and I undcrsLand whaL you'rc
Lalking abouL. IL occurs Lo mc LhaL pcrhaps our rcadcrs know LhaL pcoplc build
houscs buL Lhcy rcally don'L know whaL a gcncral conLracLor is. Would you Lcll our
rcadcrs jusL whaL is a gcncral conLracLor`

TUCKER
From a housc Lo a commcrcial building or a ncw road, a gcncral conLracLor is an
imporLanL parL oí many diíícrcnL Lypcs oí consLrucLion projccLs. Ccncral
conLracLors work on ncw building projccLs as wcll as rcnovaLions. Thcy arc
rcsponsiblc íor complcLing building sLrucLurcs and coordinaLing oLhcr spcciíic
aspccLs oí Lhc projccL. Thcsc aspccLs mighL includc coordinaLing and managing
subconLracLors and supplicrs, crcaLing schcdulcs, and mccLing dcadlincs.

WRIGHT
So how do you cncouragc oLhcrs Lo achicvc succcss during Lhcsc cconomic
Limcs`

TUCKER
Thcrc is a sLory in Lhc Biblc (MaLLhcw 7:24–27) whcrc 3csus makcs an analogy
abouL Lwo buildcrs, onc wisc and Lhc oLhcr íoolish. Thc wisc buildcr builL on a solid
Tifphanie Tucker
71

íoundaLion and Lhc íoolish onc builL on sand. Thc wisc buildcr's housc wiLhsLood
Lhc sLorms LhaL camc. Thc íoolish buildcr's housc crumblcd.
Iiíc is vcry much likc building a housc. Owning and opcraLing a busincss is also
likc building a housc. Iikc Lhc wisc man 3csus spokc oí, I havc bcgun building on a
rock-solid íoundaLion Lo supporL my pcrsonal and proícssional cndcavors.
I bccamc a gcncral conLracLor wiLh Lhc inLcnL oí applying my Lcchnical skills,
crcaLivc Lhinking, and dccision-making skills Lo build bcauLiíul sLrucLurcs.
Onc oí Lhc mosL imporLanL lcssons I havc Lakcn away írom my cxpcricncc in
Lhc consLrucLion íicld is Lhc valuc oí carcíul planning and cxccuLion. In a pcríccL
world, Lhc archiLccL's plans would bc ílawlcss, Lhc building dcparLmcnL would issuc
a pcrmiL wiLhouL any corrccLions Lo Lhc plans, subconLracLors would show up on
timc and pass cvcry inspccLion, Lhc maLcrials would bc dclivcrcd on Limc, Lhc
housc would bc complcLcd wiLhouL any sLorms or wcaLhcr dclays, no onc would
brcak Lhc windows or vandalizc Lhc consLrucLion projccL, and Lhc homcowncrs
would bc Lhankíul íor Lhcir ncw homc. UníorLunaLcly, Lhc world is noL pcríccL and
no projccL cvcr comcs LogcLhcr scamlcssly. I havc lcarncd Lo wcaLhcr Lhc íicrccsL
sLorms, cvcn during Lhcsc cconomic Limcs, in ordcr Lo accomplish my goals.

WRIGHT
So whaL's in Lhc íuLurc íor Tiíphanic Tuckcr` WhaL's your sLraLcgy íor
mainLaining your succcsscs íor lcL's say, Lhc ncxL íivc ycars`

TUCKER
AíLcr bccoming a CcrLiíicd Scminar Icadcr Lhrough Lhc ASIA, I havc bccn
inspircd Lo conducL conícrcnccs and scminars Lo cncouragc oLhcrs Lo build a solid
íoundaLion íor a succcssíul liíc. I will complcLc my book LiLlcd Women Under
Construction LhaL will havc an accompanying scminar. My book and scminar will
cxhorL, cdiíy, and comíorL womcn írom all walks oí liíc.
In addition to addressing the individual nccds oí womcn, my scminars can also
bc Lailorcd Lo íiL Lhc spcciíic nccds oí any organizaLion or group. In Lhc pasL, I havc
spokcn Lo youLh groups, sLudcnLs in schools, and oLhcr communiLy organizaLions.
I will conLinuc my journcy Lo hclp oLhcrs succccd in Lhc ncxL íivc ycars. Using the
Stepping Stones to Success

72

principlcs oí building Lo hclp oLhcrs bccomc bcLLcr lcadcrs, my work will includc
hclping organizaLions and busincsscs moLivaLc and cmpowcr Lhcir cmployccs.
As a supporL mcchanism in Lhc ncxL íivc ycars, I will also rcly on Lhc guidancc
and dirccLion oí my mcnLor, 3unc Davidson, PrcsidcnL oí Lhc Amcrican Scminar
Icadcrs AssociaLion. Shc inspircs and cncouragcs mc, and will play an imporLanL
rolc in hclping mc Lransíorm Lhcsc drcams inLo rcaliLics.

WRIGHT
Tiíphanic, I ccrLainly do apprcciaLc all Lhis Limc you'vc Lakcn Loday Lo answcr
Lhcsc qucsLions. IL's íascinaLing—I'vc only mcL onc oLhcr woman who owncd a
consLrucLion company and likc you, shc was vcry, vcry sLrong. Shc's bccn in iL íor
LhirLy ycars now. You can probably imaginc how Lough iL musL havc bccn íor a
woman in Lhc consLrucLion busincss LhirLy ycars ago. In comparison, I can jusL
imaginc somc oí Lhc Lhings LhaL you'vc had Lo go Lhrough. IL's íascinaLing Lo hcar
you Lalk abouL iL.

TUCKER
Thank you. I'vc rcally cnjoycd Lalking wiLh you.

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh Tiíphanic Tuckcr. Tiíphanic challcngcs womcn
oí all agcs Lo build Lhcir livcs bascd on rock-solid principlcs. Shc Lalks a loL abouL
building liíc on a íirm íoundaLion. Thc namc oí hcr company, Womcn Undcr
ConsLrucLion, says iL all. Shc Lalks Lo womcn, young pcoplc, and wiLh cvcryonc shc
mccLs abouL building Lhcir livcs on a sLrong íoundaLion and hcrs is hcr íaiLh in
ChrisL.
Tiíphanic, Lhank you so much íor bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to
Success.

TUCKER
Thank you.

73

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
TIFPHANIE TUCKER is Lhc owncr and prcsidcnL oí Womcn Undcr
ConsLrucLion, Inc. As an cxciLing and cxubcranL kcynoLc spcakcr and Lraincr,
Tiíphanic challcngcs individuals and organizaLions Lo build on rock-solid
principlcs and a íirm íoundaLion. Tiíphanic is a SLaLc CcrLiíicd Iiccnscd
Ccncral ConLracLor. Shc has a bachclor's dcgrcc in ArchiLccLural Fnginccring
and is currcnLly pursuing hcr masLcr's dcgrcc in FxccuLivc ManagcmcnL. Shc
owns and opcraLcs hcr own consLrucLion company, Mcga ConsLrucLion Tcam,
Inc. Shc and hcr Lcam build and rcnovaLc homcs.
Tiíphanic has a passion íor impacLing oLhcrs. Asidc írom hcr involvcmcnL
wiLh building consLrucLion and rcnovaLion, shc is a pasLor's wiíc and scrvcs as
Lhc coordinaLor oí womcn's minisLrics. From hcr proícssional cxpcricncc and
involvcmcnL wiLh womcn's minisLrics, shc has bccn inspircd Lo cncouragc and
supporL oLhcr womcn as Lhcy sLrivc íor proícssional, pcrsonal, and spiriLual
succcss. Fach prcscnLaLion, scminar, and workshop is capLivaLing. You'll Lakc
wiLh you unconvcnLional, buL succcssíul sLraLcgics LhaL you can apply
immcdiaLcly inLo your own liíc.

Tifphanie Tucker
2750 N.W. l06
th
Street
Miami Cardcns, Florida 33056
7S6.326.6l42
TiíphanicTuckcrøgmail.com
www.womcnundcrconsLrucLion.com



Stepping Stones to Success

74


75



C HA P T E R S I X
Why You arc Lhc MasLcr oí Your FaLc:
A Formula Lo Hclp You Changc Your World
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Earl Davis
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc'rc Lalking wiLh Farl Davis. Farl is a powcríul and passionaLc spcakcr
and succcss coach who is soughL aíLcr by organizaLions such as HilLon HoLcls, IBM,
Lhc UniLcd SLaLcs Army, noL Lo mcnLion numcrous schools, collcgcs, and Lradc
organizaLions. Hc is Lhc crcaLor and hosL oí Lhc Lclcvision radio program The
Winner’s Circle, which will soon bc ícaLurcd LhroughouL Tampa Bay and across Lhc
naLion. His company, CrcaLc Winncrs Inc., works wiLh corporaLc proícssionals,
cnLrcprcncurs, small busincss owncrs, ncLwork markcLcrs, nonproíiL
organizaLions (NPOs), and individuals who wanL Lo bring ouL Lhc vcry bcsL in
Lhcmsclvcs and oLhcrs.
Farl, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.
Stepping Stones to Success

76

EARL DAVIS (DAVIS)
Hcllo David, iL's a plcasurc Lo bc wiLh you.

WRIGHT
So whaL do you Lhink abouL Lhc LiLlc, Stepping Stones to Success?

DAVIS
Oh, I acLually lovc Lhc LiLlc and I'm glad Lo bc a parL oí Lhis projccL bccausc iL's
imporLanL, cspccially in Limcs likc Lhcsc, LhaL pcoplc havc dirccLion in Lhcir liíc,
havc a íocus, an inncr-knowing oí whcrc Lo go, and a plan oí how Lo gcL Lhcrc.
I likc iL bccausc I Lhink oí my grandmoLhcr. Shc had a ílowcr gardcn and in LhaL
ílowcr gardcn shc had Lhcsc liLLlc sLcppingsLoncs LhaL would mcandcr Lhrough iL,
making a paLhway—a coursc LhaL would Lakc you around Lhc gardcn. You could
scc all Lhcsc visually sLimulaLing ílowcrs and smcll amazing íloral sccnLs, iL was
bcauLiíul. So whcn I Lhink abouL Lhc LiLlc Stepping Stones to Success, I Lhink abouL
Lhc paLhway LhaL onc gcLs on in ordcr Lo gcL Lhcrc (succcss), as wcll as somc oí Lhc
Lhings onc will scc along Lhc way.
AddiLionally, I Lhink LhaL in our indusLry—Lhc pcrsonal dcvclopmcnL
industry—wc scc many pcoplc who will go ouL and Lry Lo LargcL succcss, iL
bccomcs somcLhing Lhcy do. As you know, in our indusLry, succcss is noL
somcLhing LhaL you can do nor is it a dcsLinaLion, iL's morc oí a journcy. IL's a
maLLcr oí achicvcmcnL vcrsus aLLracLion. You can achicvc a goal buL succcss is
somcLhing you aLLracL by Lhc pcrson you bccomc. I Lhink LhaL succcss is morc
abouL knowing yoursclí and bccoming complcLc in yoursclí and bccoming íulíillcd.
I work wiLh a loL oí pcoplc, as you said in Lhc inLroducLion, who havc
¨succccdcd," buL Lhcy arcn'L íulíillcd. ThaL's Lhc dangcr—you can work so hard
your wholc liíc, you can accumulaLc a loL oí moncy, own or managc a loL oí
propcrLics, havc an obsccnc porLíolio, and accomplish a loL oí Lhings LhaL pcoplc
would pcrccivc as succcssíul, buL ií LhaL íccling oí íulíillmcnL is noL Lhcrc, Lhcn
you'rc cmpLy.
Pcrsonally, I bclicvc LhaL succcss wiLhouL íulíillmcnL is íailurc. So I rcally Lhink
Lhis projccL is somcLhing LhaL is going Lo givc a pcrson a complcLc vicw oí whaL
succcss is, a paLhway oí how Lo gcL Lhcrc, and a plan oí how Lo cnjoy Lhc journcy.
Earl Davis
77

WRIGHT
So whcrc did iL all bcgin íor you`

DAVIS
I was born in SouLhcasL WashingLon D.C., in a sccLion oí Lown LhaL mosL pcoplc
rcally wouldn'L wanL Lo go inLo. IL was a vcry sccdy arca, buL LhaL's whcrc I grcw
up. IL's amazing LhaL righL around Lhc corncr írom Lhc WhiLc Housc was my housc,
and whaL I sLill íind inLcrcsLing Loday is Lhc vasL amounLs oí wcalLh in Lhc arca.
Fvcn as a liLLlc boy, you could scc Lhc varying dcgrccs oí wcalLh LhaL was cvidcnL in
ccrLain arcas oí Lhc mosL powcríul ciLy in Lhc world (in my opinion). Thcn you
would scc various ncighborhoods on Lhc ouLskirLs oí Lhosc arcas and Lhcrc would
bc uLLcr povcrLy. I rcmcmbcr bcing surroundcd by Lhc graííiLi-covcrcd walls and
Lhc consLanL smcll oí urinc. I rcmcmbcr wondcring whaL can I do, how can I hclp
my parcnLs who wcrc sLruggling aL Lhc Limc, iL was a vcry Lough cnvironmcnL.
AL LhaL Limc, WashingLon, D.C., was Lhc murdcr capiLal oí Lhc world, iL was likc
LhaL íor a numbcr oí ycars. I rcmcmbcr Lhinking, ¨Man, I wish I could jusL hclp my
parcnLs," buL I was a liLLlc kid, Lhcrc wasn'L much I could do.
BuL Lhcrc was a way I could cscapc. Thcrc was a Lclcvision show LhaL was callcd
The Millionaire. In iL, a vcry wcalLhy indusLrialisL, who had accomplishcd a grcaL
dcal in his liíc, would givc a million dollars away Lo somconc. Hc would havc his
assisLanL go Lo a housc, knock on Lhc door, and dclivcr a million dollars in Lhc íorm
oí a cashicr's chcck Lo Lhc rcsidcnL.
Now Lhis was bcíorc rcaliLy Lclcvision and I didn'L undcrsLand LhaL Lhosc shows
wcrc rcruns and noL acLually Laking placc. I LhoughL Lhosc Lhings wcrc acLually
happcning, so I íaiLhíully waLchcd Lhis Lclcvision show. AnyLimc Lhcrc was a knock
on Lhc door, I'd run ovcr Lo Lhc door. Onc Limc, my moLhcr Look hcr liLLlc shoc and
Lhrcw iL across Lhc room hiLLing mc in Lhc back oí Lhc hcad, saying, ¨Boy, whaL arc
you doing running in Lhc housc`"
¨Didn'L you hcar Lhc knock aL Lhc door`" I askcd.
¨Ycs, buL you can walk."
¨BuL mom," I said, ¨I'm hoping iL's Lhc guy wiLh Lhc million dollars!"
¨You íool," shc said. ¨Nobody is going Lo comc inLo Lhc projccLs and givc us a
million dollars."
Stepping Stones to Success

78

BuL LhaL was whaL I bclicvcd back Lhcn. I wanLcd Lo íigurc ouL whaL I could do
Lo acLually gcL Lo Lhc lcvcl whcrc Lhc millionairc was, noL so much bccausc oí whaL
I could gcL írom iL, buL íor whaL I could do íor my íamily and oLhcr pcoplc. ThaL
was Lhc LhoughL proccss in my mind, alLhough iL was noL voiccd or communicaLcd
LhaL way bccausc oí my youLh.
So írom Lhc ouLscL, I wanLcd Lo íind a way whcrcin I could rcally makc a
diíícrcncc in Lhc world. WhaL's happcning aL Lhc Limc oí Lhis inLcrvicw LhaL is
dominaLing Lhc airwavcs is Michacl 3ackson's dcaLh. Wc can dcíinitely say that he
had a proíound inílucncc on Lhc world, bc iL posiLivc or ncgaLivc. WhaL I íind LhaL
is so inLcrcsLing abouL Lhis is LhaL on Lhc samc day LhaL Michacl 3ackson dicd,
Farrah FawccLL's dcaLh was announccd. Shc was a vcry LalcnLcd acLrcss and I was a
vcry big ían. I uscd Lo waLch Lhc program LhaL madc hcr íamous, Charlie’s Angels. I
wondcrcd why Michacl's sLory was morc promincnL Lhan hcrs. And Lhcn iL hiL
mc—Lhc diíícrcncc was Lhc lcvcl oí inílucncc. So cvcn as a kid I wondcrcd whaL I
could do Lo inílucncc oLhcrs and Lo makc a diíícrcncc in Lhis world.
WiLh LhaL LhoughL in mind, Lhc íirsL major goal I cvcr scL íor mysclí was Lo
bccomc Lhc kind oí pcrson who would havc sLrccLs and buildings namcd aíLcr him.
ThaL's a vcry big goal, somc pcoplc mighL say iL's obnoxious, buL LhaL's Lhc goal I
scL íor mysclí. IL's imporLanL Lo undcrsLand LhaL iL wasn'L bccausc oí cgo. FCO Lo
mc sLands íor Fdging Cod OuL, and I don'L wanL Lo do LhaL. I'vc lcarncd LhaL I can
do morc wiLh Him Lhan I can cvcr do wiLhouL Him. I wanLcd Lo havc sLrccLs and
buildings namcd aíLcr mc bccausc oí Lhc kind oí pcrson I would havc Lo bccomc Lo
accomplish LhaL. You scc, you cannoL be whaL you arc noL, buL you can become whaL
you arc noL. Thc sccrcL, David, is in bccoming.

WRIGHT
So Lhosc wcrc somc oí your carlicsL drcams`

DAVIS
Ycs, LhaL was my carlicsL drcam and goal. RighL Lhcrc in D.C., I'll ncvcr íorgcL
LhaL wc uscd Lo havc Lo caLch Lhc bus Lo go placcs bccausc wc didn'L havc an
auLomobilc íor LransporLaLion. AL LhaL Limc D.C. had a govcrnmcnL program LhaL
gavc liLLlc ¨carc packagcs" away. I don'L know ií Lhcy sLill do LhaL or noL, buL Lhcy
Earl Davis
79

would givc ouL powdcrcd milk, pcanuL buLLcr, and chccsc. To Lhis day I don'L know
ií iL was rcally milk bccausc no maLLcr whaL you did Lo iL, iL sLill didn'L LasLc likc
milk. Thc chccsc would ncvcr mclL, cvcn aL Lhc ovcn's highcsL scLLing. Thc pcanuL
buLLcr camc in a silvcr can LhaL jusL said ¨pcanuL buLLcr" on iL—no brand namc.
Thc pcanuL buLLcr was so hard LhaL you gcncrally had Lo mclt the peanut butter
down bcíorc you puL iL on brcad bccausc oLhcrwisc iL would brcak up your brcad. IL
was vcry, vcry Lough living back Lhcn.
So I scL goals and bcgan looking íor ways LhaL I could íirsL hclp mysclí and my
immcdiaLc íamily, and Lhcn hclp oLhcr pcoplc bccausc oí Lhc imprcssion LhaL 3ohn
Bcrcsíord TipLon and Michacl AnLhony in The Millionaire Lclcvision show madc on
mc. I wanLcd Lo bccomc a philanLhropisL. I didn'L know Lhc word ¨philanLhropisL"
back Lhcn, buL I wanLcd Lo bc somconc who could givc Lhings away Lo hclp
cncouragc pcoplc Lo changc Lhcir livcs, and hclp providc a sourcc oí hopc. I Lhink
LhaL as long as Lhc challcngcs oí liíc cxisL, hopc will bc nccdcd. David, a loL oí
pcoplc nccd hopc Loday.

WRIGHT
So whaL would you say was your singlc mosL dcíining momcnL`

DAVIS
My singlc mosL dcíining momcnL` Hmm, I would say LhaL Lhc singlc mosL
dcíining momcnL íor mc probably would havc bccn Lhc day whcn I discovcrcd LhaL
I was a miraclc-workcr. You scc, Lhcrc's somcLhing LhaL all achicvcrs havc. I
suspccL LhaL many pcoplc who will rcad Lhis book arc going somcwhcrc. Thcy havc
somcLhing dccp insidc Lhcm—a highcr call.
Wc who arc achicvcrs havc iL wiLhin oursclvcs. OíLcn wc don'L know how wc'rc
going Lo do iL and Lo mc LhaL's Lhc sLrangc parL oí iL all. You scc an imagc oí whcrc
you wanL Lo go, buL you don'L know cxacLly how Lo gcL Lhcrc. You Lry a numbcr oí
Lhings and you íail aL a numbcr oí Lhings, and Lhcn somcLimcs, Lhc pcoplc in your
liíc—somcLimcs Lhosc closcsL Lo you—don’t undersLand cxacLly whaL iL is LhaL
you'rc doing, Lhcy walk away or bcgin Lo losc coníidcncc in you. So Lhc rclaLionship
gcLs sLraincd. SomcLimcs you bcgin Lo doubL yoursclí. And somcLimcs you íccl likc
you'rc ouL Lhcrc by yoursclí, wondcring how in Lhc world you can gcL Lo whcrc you
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wanL Lo go. BuL whcn you íinally arrivc and you look back aL Lhc journcy, whaL you
acLually íind is LhaL whaL you'vc accomplishcd is a miraclc.
I lcarncd Lhis conccpL írom my dad. Dad was working in a íacLory whcrc Lhcy
madc boxcs. Hc'd work sixLccn hours a day and hc'd comc homc cxhausLcd. OíLcn
hc didn'L havc Lhc íunds Lo buy Lhc Lhings wc nccdcd. Thc pcoplc aL his job likcd
him and so Lhcy would givc him cloLhing. Thcsc wcrc brand ncw cloLhcs Lo us,
cvcn Lhough Lhcy wcrc somconc clse’s hand-mc-downs.
Onc day my dad broughL a pair oí BusLcr Brown shocs homc. Thc company sLill
cxisLs Loday. Thc NaLuralizcr shoc brand was crcaLcd by LhaL company and in 2004
BusLcr Brown Shocs cclcbraLcd iLs onc hundrcdLh annivcrsary. BuL back whcn I
was a kid, nobody wanLcd Lo bc caughL in a pair oí BusLcr Browns. Thc
ncighborhood childrcn would Lcasc you mcrcilcssly, buL aL Lhc samc Limc Lhcy
wcrc bcLLcr shocs Lhan I had. Dad broughL Lhcsc shocs homc and hc Lold mc Lo puL
Lhcm on. Thc shocs wcrc Loo small íor my íccL, buL my dad kncw LhaL ií I didn'L
wcar Lhcm iL would bc monLhs bcíorc wc could gcL a ncwcr pair and I alrcady had
holcs in my old shocs. Dad kncw LhaL I rcally nccdcd Lo bc ablc Lo wcar Lhosc
shocs. I rcmcmbcr complaining LhaL I'd ncvcr bc ablc Lo gcL Lhc shocs Lo íiL. Dad is
rcally a Lough guy. Hc Lold mc, ¨You'd bcLLcr puL Lhcsc shocs on or you'rc going Lo
gcL a spanking." So I íigurcd I had bcLLcr puL Lhosc shocs on.
AíLcr whaL sccmcd Lo mc likc hours I puL my íccL in Lhc shocs and cach Loc was
on Lhc Lop oí oLhcr Loc, iL was vcry painíul. In Lhc ncxL room my dad was íilling up
a Lub oí waLcr. Hc said, ¨Comc and puL your íccL in Lhis Lub."
¨BuL I'vc goL shocs on, Dad," I said.
¨Boy, jusL gcL in Lhc Lub."
So I wcnL in Lhc baLhroom whcrc Lhc Lub was íilling up wiLh warm waLcr, I
rollcd my panL lcgs up, and I sLcppcd insidc Lhc Lub. My dad Lhcn Lold mc Lo walk
around. I was Lhinking Lhis is crazy and I didn'L rcally wanL Lo do iL. Also, my íccL
wcrc in pain bccausc Lhc shocs wcrc rcally small. BuL aíLcr I walkcd around in Lhc
Lub íor maybc abouL LhirLy minuLcs or so, somcLhing miraculous happcncd. Whcn
Lhosc lcaLhcr shocs connccLcd wiLh LhaL warm waLcr Lhc lcaLhcr bcgan Lo sLrcLch
and mold Lo Lhc conLour oí my íccL. Now, shocs LhaL wcrc a sizc and a halí Loo
small pcríccLly íiL my íccL. ThaL's whcn I rcalizcd LhaL my dad was a miraclc-
workcr.
Earl Davis
81

Now how docs LhaL apply Lo mc and our rcadcrs` I'm Lold LhaL gcncLically,
whaLcvcr is in your parcnLs is oíLcn in you. I lcarncd LhaL ií Lhcrc was miraclc-
working powcr in my dad, Lhcn Lhcrc had Lo bc miraclc-working powcr in mc. I
Lhink Lhis is somcLhing LhaL is in all achicvcrs. Wc havc Lhis miraclc-working
powcr in us buL oíLcn wc don'L scc iL bccausc wc aborL Lhc drcam Loo carly. I
bclicvc iL was Cordon Hincklcy who said, ¨Ncvcr íorgcL LhaL you camc Lo FarLh as a
child oí Lhc divinc FaLhcr, wiLh somcLhing oí diviniLy in your vcry makcup. Thc
Iord did noL scnd you hcrc Lo íail. Hc did noL givc you liíc Lo wasLc iL. Hc bcsLowcd
upon you Lhc giíL oí morLaliLy LhaL you mighL gain cxpcricncc—positive,
wondcríul, purposcíul cxpcricncc—LhaL will lcad Lo liíc cLcrnal."
So Lhc dcíining momcnL íor mc was whcn I rcalizcd who I was, whcn I
discovcrcd LhaL I was a pcrson oí valuc, LhaL I had a sLory Lo Lcll, LhaL I could bc
somcLhing, LhaL I could gcL Lhc Lhings I wanLcd in my liíc and work, and LhaL I had
crcaLivc, maniícsLing powcr in mc. I íigurcd LhaL ií my dad could do Lhosc Lhings
Lhcn I could, Loo.

WRIGHT
So how havc you dcalL wiLh doubL and ícar Lhrough Lhc ycars`

DAVIS
Wcll, I'm glad you askcd LhaL bccausc ycs, whilc you'rc going aíLcr your drcam
and whilc you'rc on your paLhway Lo succcss, Lhcrc arc going Lo bc many Limcs
whcn you will havc doubLs and ícars such as Will Lhcy hirc mc` Will I gcL Lhc
conLracL` Will shc say ycs ií I ask hcr Lo marry mc` Can I do Lhis` My íavoriLc book
says LhaL íaiLh comcs by hcaring, buL so docs doubL.
I'vc lcarncd Lo íccd my íaiLh so LhaL my doubL can liLcrally sLarvc Lo dcaLh. Thc
ways LhaL I havc donc LhaL is by lisLcning Lo posiLivc mcssagcs likc Lhc oncs in Lhis
book, going Lo scminars, inLcracLing wiLh pcoplc who havc ovcrcomc Lrcmcndous
advcrsiLics, and rcading moLivaLional books. I'vc oíLcn visiLcd canccr wards in
hospitals, not Lo look and say LhaL I'm glad I'm noL Lhcrc, buL Lo hclp mc scc LhaL
Lhcrc is morc Lo apprcciaLc abouL liíc. I'vc waLchcd how pcoplc who arc going
Lhrough diííiculL Limcs havc dcalL wiLh iL. Somc pcoplc didn'L dcal wiLh iL in a grcaL
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82

way, buL I íocuscd on pcoplc who dcalL wiLh Lhosc hard Limcs and madc Lhc mosL
oí iL.
I'll ncvcr íorgcL whaL CrysLal CaLhcdral íoundcr, Rcvcrcnd RobcrL Schullcr uscd
Lo say, ¨Whcn liíc hands you a lcmon, Lurn iL inLo lcmonadc." ThaL's Lhc way I'vc
lcarncd Lo dcal wiLh doubL and ícar.
Onc Limc I was Lalking wiLh a grcaL man in moLivaLional circlcs, Zig Ziglar. Hc
inLroduccd mc Lo a proíound saying. I'm quiLc surc somcbody clsc may havc said iL
Loo, buL I hcard Zig Ziglar say iL íirsL. Hc Lold mc LhaL ícar was íalsc cvidcncc
appcaring rcal. I said, ¨Wow," bccausc aL LhaL Limc I'd ncvcr hcard iL so clcarly
sLaLcd bcíorc. FFAR is an acronym LhaL sLands íor Falsc Fvidcncc Appcaring Rcal.
Thcrc arc many siLuaLions in liíc LhaL illusLraLc Lhis poinL, buL nonc as clcarly as
the one I’ll sharc wiLh you. I uscd Lo work Lhc grill aL a íasL íood rcsLauranL. I uscd
Lo cnjoy LhaL job bccausc iL was my íirsL scnsc oí bcing ablc Lo go ouL and carn my
own moncy, iL gavc mc a scnsc oí rcsponsibiliLy. Bccausc I was vcry good on Lhc
grill, I gained íavor and populariLy wiLh Lhc managcrs and carncd Lhcir LrusL. I
lovcd LhaL job. Thc downsidc was LhaL I smcllcd likc hamburgcrs all Lhc Limc, cvcn
whcn I had Lakcn a showcr.
AíLcr school Lhcrc was Lhis liLLlc allcyway LhaL I would havc Lo ridc my bikc
Lhrough. Thcrc was a dog LhaL would chasc mc Lhcrc. I Lhink hc could smcll Lhc
hamburgcr on mc, bccausc, boy did hc chasc mc! Fmbarrassingly, I musL admiL
LhaL iL was a liLLlc dog LhaL was harassing mc. (IL's noL always Lhc ¨big dogs," buL
Lhc ¨liLLlc dogs" LhaL givc you all Lhc problcms.) Wcll, Lhis dog was a Lcrror Lo mc,
hc knockcd mc oíí my bikc many Limcs. I'd comc homc laLc aL nighL and Lhc samc
liLLlc dog was Lhcrc. Many Limcs whcn Lhis dog sLarL barking, Lhcrc was a chain
rcacLion and cvcry dog in Lhc ncighborhood would sLarL barking. IL was jusL a vcry
bad sccnario and iL wcnL on likc Lhis íor wccks.
Onc day I had had cnough and I dcLcrmincd LhaL iL was going Lo bc ciLhcr Lhis
dog or mc, buL I was aíraid oí LhaL dog and LhaL's why I was always hurrying to get
ouL oí Lhcrc. And I was aíraid. Somchow, wiLhin mc, I inLrinsically kncw LhaL I had
Lo íacc my ícars or I would run íorcvcr. So I dccidcd Lo íacc my ícar. (FighLy-íivc
pcrccnL oí pcoplc allow Lhcir ícar oí íailurc ouLwcigh Lhcir dcsirc Lo succccd.)
Now, I wanL Lo makc a disclaimcr bccausc I don'L bclicvc in cruclLy Lo animals,
buL Lhis dog had iL coming. So onc day I Look a sLick and I puL iL in my liLLlc
Earl Davis
83

backpack. I goL on my bikc and hcadcd Loward Lhc allcyway. As I cnLcrcd Lhc
allcyway aL abouL 3:30 LhaL aíLcrnoon, as cxpccLcd, LhaL liLLlc dog was waiLing íor
mc, buL Lhis Limc iL was diíícrcnL—I had madc an inLcrnal dccision LhaL I wasn'L
going Lo bc aíraid anymorc. InsLcad oí íalling oíí Lhc bikc, I jumpcd oíí Lhc bikc, I
Look Lhc sLick ouL, and I bcgan Lo chasc LhaL dog. Thc dog Lurncd around and
sLarLing running. Thc íasLcr hc ran, Lhc sLrongcr I pursucd and I íinally caughL
him. I had corncrcd him bcLwccn mysclí and a ícncc, and goL rcady Lo hiL him wiLh
cvcryLhing I had in mc. As I dcscribc whaL happcncd ncxL, I wanL you Lo Lhink
abouL Lhosc words LhaL Zig Ziglar sharcd wiLh mc—FEAR is false evidence appearing
real—FFAR is noLhing morc Lhan an illusion. As I was abouL Lo swing, I happcncd
Lo look in Lhc dog's mouLh. ThaL dog didn'L havc any teeth—hc couldn'L havc
biLLcn mc cvcn ií hc'd wanLcd Lo! Whcn I saw LhaL, I jusL puL Lhc sLick down and I
laughcd and walkcd back Lo Lhc bikc. I lcarncd LhaL day LhaL ícar is Lruly íalsc
cvidcncc appcaring rcal.
Fcar normally shows up whcn you'rc abouL Lo rcalizc your poLcnLial, rclcasc iL,
and do somcLhing grcaL. I Lhink ícar and doubL comc Lo sidcLrack you and Lo kccp
you írom gcLLing Lhcrc, buL whcn you hiL iL hcad on, LhaL ícar oíLcn vanishcs likc a
vapor. BuL you should dcal wiLh ícar inLclligcnLly and sysLcmaLically. You don'L
jusL wanL Lo go ouL Lhcrc unprcparcd, bccausc you could bc sidcLrackcd. Thcrc arc
somc rcal Lhings ouL Lhcrc LhaL can gcL you ií you don'L insulaLc yoursclí propcrly,
so invcsLigaLc bcíorc you invcsL.
Thc way I dcal wiLh ícar spcciíically is a Lhrcc-sLcp proccss:

l. I look aL my siLuaLion and asscss iL as iL is. I don'L scc iL as bcing worsc Lhan iL
is, bccausc LhaL's whaL mosL pcoplc do.
2. I scc my siLuaLion as bcing bcLLcr Lhan iL is.
3. I makc iL Lhc way LhaL I scc iL, which rcquircs consisLcnL acLion.

Now, Lhis rcminds mc oí whaL VinccnL Van Cogh said onc Limc. Somconc askcd
him how hc camc up wiLh his painLings. Hc said, ¨FirsL I drcam my painLings, and
Lhcn I painL my drcam." Hmm, I likc LhaL. FirsL I drcam my painLings and Lhcn I
painL my drcam. I Lhink LhaL in ordcr Lo dcal wiLh doubL and ícar, you havc Lo
bccomc a drcamcr.

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84

WRIGHT
I undcrsLand you had Lhc opporLuniLy Lo bc an Olympic Torchbcarcr. How did
LhaL happcn`

DAVIS
Oh wow, ycs, in íacL, Lhc samc Olympics LhaL I parLicipaLcd in, Muhammad Ali
was acLually Lhc íirsL pcrson Lo grab Lhc ílamc. IL was 200l and wc wcrc in Lhc
proccss oí going Lo Lhc 2002 Olympics. My sccLion oí Lhc rclay happcncd on
Dcccmbcr Lhc 7, 200l.
I Lalkcd abouL inílucncc a liLLlc biL carlicr. I'm a spcakcr by Lradc, and Lhc
spcaking busincss is almosL likc a magic acL, so Lo spcak. Pcoplc scc a magician
doing Lhc Lricks, buL Lhcy don'L know how Lhc magician docs iL. I was jusL gcLLing
started and I wondcrcd how Lhosc guys gcL ouL Lhcrc on sLagc. I wondcrcd how
Lhcy wcrc inviLcd Lo spcak, and Lhcn on Lop oí LhaL, how Lhcy managcd Lo gcL paid
Lo do iL.
Whcn I dccidcd I wanLcd Lo spcak proícssionally, no onc kncw who I was, buL I
kncw I had a spccial mcssagc íor pcoplc and organizaLions LhaL would crcaLc
succcss and havc a proíound aííccL long-Lcrm. So, I wondcrcd whaL I could do,
whcrc I could I go, and how I could gcL pcoplc Lo noLicc mc and cmbracc my
mcssagc. I dccidcd Lo go Lo placcs whcrc mosL spcakcrs arcn'L going. I wcnL Lo day
carc ccnLcrs, jails, dcLcnLion ccnLcrs, and prisons. I kncw Lhcrc would bc somc
room íor mc Lo grow as I wcnL Lo Lhosc placcs and Lhcrc wouldn'L bc much
compcLiLion.
So I wcnL Lo Lhosc placcs wiLh a ícw LhoughLs in mind: l) I could gcL Lhc
pracLicc and 2) Lhcy wcrc a capLivc audicncc and couldn'L go anywhcrc. Thcy
wouldn'L know ií I mcsscd up bccausc Lhcy didn'L havc a poinL oí rcícrcncc Lo
comparc mc wiLh. Thcn Lhc Lhird rcason, which is probably righL in Lhc middlc oí
all oí Lhis, was LhaL I rcally carcd and wanLcd Lo hclp pcoplc. I íigurcd LhaL I could
sharc somcLhing mcaningíul and could hopcíully givc Lhosc audicnccs a ncw way
oí looking aL Lhings. I would go íor monLhs and spcnd Limc wiLh Lhcsc inmaLcs in
prisons and youLh dcLcnLion ccnLcrs.
Thc rccidivism raLc is jusL a íancy way oí saying rcvolving door raLc—whcn
inmaLcs comc ouL oí pcnal insLiLuLions Lhcy quickly go back in. I didn'L know
Earl Davis
85

anyLhing abouL Lhis. Thc numbcrs arc vcry, vcry high. So I would go Lo corrcctional
íaciliLics, and whcn I did, Lhc rccidivism would comc down by íracLions oí a poinL,
which is vcry high givcn whaL Lhosc numbcrs arc likc, buL I didn'L know LhaL.
During Lhis Limc Lhc Olympic CommiLLcc was looking íor Lorchbcarcrs, and
Lhcy saw mc as doing somcLhing inspiraLional and hclping pcoplc ouL, so Lhcy
dccidcd Lo givc mc Lhc honor oí bcaring Lhc Olympic Torch íor a ccrLain disLancc. I
was happy Lo do iL, bccausc noL only did I gcL a chancc Lo parLicipaLc in onc oí Lhc
great events in history, cspccially LhaL parLicular ycar (iL was shorLly aíLcr 0/ll
whcn Lhc world nccdcd somc cncouragcmcnL), I also goL Lhc grcaL opporLuniLy Lo
sharc an cxccllcnL mcssagc on a largcr plaLíorm. Thc cxpcricncc was Lruly
Lrcmcndous.
During Lhc Lorch rclay, I had Lhc opporLuniLy Lo mccL somc oí Lhc íircmcn who
wcrc acLually involvcd in rcscuc cííorLs aíLcr Lhc 0/ll disasLcr. I mcL 3crcmy
Click's wiíc (IyzabcLh). 3crcmy was onc oí Lhc pcoplc who dicd on ílighL 03. Thc
lasL words hc spokc Lo his wiíc wcrc, ¨Wc'rc going Lo rush Lhc hijackcrs." 3usL
Lhink—I had Lhc chancc Lo parLicipaLc in Lhc Olympics wiLh ChrisLophcr Rccvc
and Iancc ArmsLrong, which was prcLLy nicc. All Lhcsc phcnomcnally inspiraLional
pcoplc parLicipaLcd, and righL bcsidc Lhcsc honorablc namcs, my namc was righL
Lhcrc. IL was Lhc íirsL Limc LhaL I rcalizcd I was living my drcam. To parLicipaLc as
an Olympic Torchbcarcr in Lhc rclay you havc Lo bc somcbody who is an
inspiraLion, you havc Lo ovcrcomc cxLrcmc advcrsiLy, you musL bc a posiLivc íorcc,
and Lhcn somconc has Lo nominaLc you.

WRIGHT
A man Lold mc onc Limc ycars ago LhaL ií I wcrc cvcr walking down Lhc road and
saw a LurLlc siLLing on a ícnccposL I could bcL LhaL hc didn'L gcL up Lhcrc by
himsclí. You oíLcn Lalk abouL lcadcrship and Lhc imporLancc oí mcnLoring, who
havc bccn somc oí Lhc mcnLors in your liíc and whaL aLLracLcd you Lo Lhcm`

DAVIS
Oh wow, LhaL's a good qucsLion. Onc oí Lhc biggcsL mcnLors I'vc had in my liíc
is my íricnd, Ics Brown. Ics has bccn grcaL íor many, many ycars and he’s done a
loL oí good íor a loL oí pcoplc.
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Onc day, my clccLriciLy was Lurncd oíí and I didn'L know how in Lhc world I was
going Lo pay Lhc bill Lo gcL iL back on. I hcard a voicc insidc LhaL imprcsscd mc Lo
gcL Ics Brown's Lapc scrics LiLlcd ¨IL's Possiblc" and lisLcn Lo Lhcm righL Lhcn. So I
wcnL inLo Lhc ncxL room and Look my Walkman ouL (Lhank Cod iL was baLLcry
powcrcd). I poppcd Lhc Lapc in Lhc playcr and I sLarLcd lisLcning Lo Lhc happy
words, Lhc hopcíul words, Lhc cncouraging words oí Ics Brown saying iL's possiblc.
SomcLhing wcllcd up wiLhin mc LhaL said, ¨Ycah, ií iL's possiblc I'vc goL Lo do
this—I musL do iL. I'vc goL Lo work on mysclí, and I'vc goL Lo gcL bcLLcr aL sharing
my mcssagc wiLh pcoplc."
I kncw I was going Lo nccd hclp bccausc I was by mysclí. Pcoplc oíLcn Lhink
Lhcy can do iL on Lhcir own, buL rcally iL's Lhc hclp oí Lcamwork LhaL gcLs Lhings
donc a loL íasLcr. In my liíc I'vc Lricd Lo posiLion mysclí wiLhin a Lcam Lypc oí an
cnvironmcnL. You can always gcL Lhings donc íasLcr wiLh Lhc hclp oí oLhcrs Lhan
you can cvcr do alonc. Thc book oí liíc (Lhc Biblc) says iL Lhis way: onc can chasc a
Lhousand, buL Lwo could puL Lcn Lhousand Lo ílighL. Simply puL, Lhcrc's powcr in
parLncrships.
So I wanLcd Lo gcL Ics Brown Lo bc on my Lcam. AL LhaL Limc, howcvcr, I didn'L
know him, I had no idca how Lo rcach him, and I didn'L know anyonc who kncw
him—Lhosc Lapcs wcrc all I had. So whaL I cndcd up doing was using Lhc addrcss
and phonc iníormaLion LhaL was on Lhc back oí Lhc Lapcs.
Bcíorc I bcgan aLLcmpLing Lo rcach him, I prcparcd mysclí so LhaL whcn I
cvcnLually did mccL him, iL would noL bc a wasLc oí Limc. Thc guys who arc ouL
Lhcrc achicving do noL havc Limc Lo wasLc. I kncw LhaL ií I was going Lo gcL Lhcir
aLLcnLion and gcL Lhcir Limc, I couldn'L bc a pcrson Lo wasLc Lhcir Limc—ií I was
cvcr íorLunaLc cnough Lo gcL iL. So I prcparcd mysclí. You scc, prcparaLion is an
indicaLion oí your cxpccLaLion. Kcnny Rogcrs said LhaL prcparaLion is Lhc highcsL
íorm oí íaiLh. So I sLarLcd prcparing mysclí bccausc I cxpccLcd Lo onc day mccL Ics
Brown.
I wcnL Lo Lhc library and I sLarLcd rcading morc oí his books and puL my hands
on anyLhing LhaL spokc abouL him. I madc a simplc plan and I carricd ouL LhaL
acLion plan íaiLhíully. On Monday, 3anuary l, 200l, I callcd his oííicc in BrighLon,
Michigan, whcrc hc was aL LhaL Limc. I askcd íor a mccLing and his sccrcLarics Lold
mc no and hung up on mc. I callcd back on a Thursday—I would call Lwicc a wcck,
Earl Davis
87

on Mondays and Thursdays. I said somcLhing likc, ¨Hcllo, I'm Farl Davis. I'm an
aspiring moLivaLional spcakcr. Do you Lhink you could hclp mc scL up a mccLing
wiLh Ics Brown`" Thcy would always Lcll mc no, cvcry Limc I callcd.
To makc a long sLory shorL, Lwclvc monLhs laLcr Lhcy íinally gavc mc Lhc
inLcrvicw and Lhc rcsL is, as Lhcy say, hisLory. So Lo mc, íinding a good mcnLor is
numbcr onc. IdcnLiíying Lhosc pcoplc who givc you inspiraLion, and sclccLing
pcoplc who arc Lhc lcadcrs in Lhcir choscn íiclds is imporLanL. Bcíorc you Lry Lo
mccL Lhcm you should gcL Lhcir books and Lhcir Lapcs, so LhaL whcn you do gcL
Lhcir Limc you'rc noL going Lo Lalk abouL whaL is alrcady in Lhcir books and Lapcs—
you rcally wanL Lhc Limc Lo bc producLivc. Thc ncxL Lhing is LhaL you wanL Lo
cducaLc yoursclí abouL whaL iL is LhaL you Lcach or pracLicc and Lhcn bc clcar abouL
whaL you spcciíically wanL. Thcn look íor ways you can hclp your poLcnLial mcnLor
achicvc his or hcr goals and drcams.
MosL pcoplc say, ¨Wcll, how can I hclp Lhc guy or Lhc woman I'm inLcrcsLcd in
rccruiLing Lo my mcnLoring Lcam`" My answcr is LhaL cvcrybody nccds hclp. WhaL
I do is gcL wcll vcrscd wiLh whaL I wanL and I look aL whaL I could do. I Lhcn I Lry Lo
imaginc ways LhaL I can possibly hclp Lhcm.
I kncw Ics Brown had books and Lapcs and I íigurcd LhaL hc would probably
wanL morc Lapc and book salcs. I also íigurcd LhaL hc would probably wanL morc
pcoplc Lo know abouL his mcssagc. So ií I could inLroducc Lcn or íiíLccn ncw pcoplc
daily Lo his maLcrial, I'd bc hclping him on somc small scalc. BuL I LhoughL there
had Lo bc a bcLLcr way Lhan LhaL.
Whcn I íinally mcL Ics, during our convcrsaLion hc Lold mc LhaL hc was
inLcrcsLcd in looking íor spcakcrs Lo Lrain, and LhaL Lhis was onc oí Lhc biggcsL
goals hc had. I said, ¨My goodncss, I'm a spcakcr, can you Lrain mc`" And LhaL
bccamc Lhc way I bcgan hclping him. You could say iL was acLually a maLch madc in
hcavcn.
I'vc had many mcnLors LhroughouL my liíc and I'vc lookcd íor various ways LhaL
Lhcy could hclp mc, buL I'vc always also lookcd íor ways I could hclp Lhcm. I'vc
aLLracLcd many high proíilc mcnLors by íollowing Lhis sLraLcgy.
So don'L waiL, idcnLiíy your mcnLor and Lhc ways LhaL you can hclp him or hcr,
Lhcn go and inLroducc yoursclí. IL won'L bc long bcíorc you bcgin aLLracLing high
proíilc mcnLors, Loo.
Stepping Stones to Success

88

WRIGHT
Many oí our valucs comc dirccLly írom our childhood and upbringing. WhaL arc
Lhc mosL imporLanL valucs you íccl you sLill carry Loday írom your parcnLs and
oLhcr íamily mcmbcrs, íricnds, Lcachcrs, and íolks likc Lhcm`

DAVIS
I was in high school and had a chcmisLry and physics Lcachcr by Lhc namc oí
Harry Wclsch. Mr. Wclsch was LhaL spccial pcrson íor mc. Hc lookcd likc a mad
scicnLisL—hc worc a whiLc lab coaL. Hc had a salL-and-pepper beard and steel-
rimmcd glasscs. I don'L know why I was Laking Lhis class, buL I Lhink Lhc MacGyver
Lclcvision cpisodcs LhaL wcrc popular back in Lhosc days musL havc bccn whaL
prompLcd mc Lo wanL Lo lcarn abouL physics and chcmisLry.
IL was my scnior ycar and I was in Mr. Wclsch's physics class on Lhc íirsL day oí
school. Hc walkcd down Lhc ccnLcr aislc and said somcLhing LhaL caughL
cvcryonc's aLLcnLion. Mr. Wclsch said, ¨WiLh all Lhc iníormaLion I posscss I could
blow up cvcry school in Lhis counLy." Now, I don'L know ií hc could gcL away wiLh
LhaL Lhcsc days wiLh sccuriLy as LighL as iL is bccausc oí Lhc violcncc in schools, buL
I Lhink LhaL hc was Lrying Lo grab Lhc sLudcnLs' aLLcnLion—and hc succcssíully did
LhaL. During Lhc coursc oí LhaL ycar I bccamc cndcarcd Lo him.
I was a Lroublcd sLudcnL and I had a Lroublcd pasL, I was wrcsLling wiLh a loL oí
issucs in my childhood. You scc, I was molcsLcd on a bi-wcckly basis bcLwccn Lhc
agcs oí Lhrcc Lo íivc and I was sLill dcaling wiLh LhaL. I didn'L rcally know how Lo
voicc LhaL Lo pcoplc back Lhcn, so I skippcd school a loL. This onc parLicular
scmcsLcr I had skippcd a LoLal oí íorLy-íivc days and whcn I camc back Lo Lhc class,
Mr. Wclsch said, ¨Farl, I nccd Lo scc you aíLcr school." Oí coursc I kncw I was going
Lo hcar somc Lypc oí rcprimand and I didn'L rcally wanL Lo hcar iL. A ícw LhoughLs
crosscd my mind. I LhoughL, ¨Hc's an oldcr guy, I could probably ouLrun him. I'm
noL going Lo sLay aíLcr school." Thcn I rcmcmbcrcd LhaL my parcnLs always LaughL
mc Lo bc rcspccLíul, and I LhoughL I'd go ahcad and hcar whaL hc had Lo say.
So aíLcr school I wcnL Lo his classroom. Mr. Wclsch lookcd aL mc and said,
¨You'rc a prcLLy good sLudcnL whcn you'rc hcrc, buL, man, you'vc goL Lo bc hcrc.
I'm only going Lo say Lhis oncc and I wanL you Lo lcarn írom iL. Thc mark oí
Earl Davis
89

grcaLncss is on you, buL Lhc sad Lhing is LhaL you can'L cvcn scc iL. Farl, whaL's Lhc
íormula íor íorcc`"
I said, ¨Mr. Wclsh, íorcc is cqual Lo mass Limcs accclcraLion (F=MA).
¨Ycs," hc said, ¨LhaL's corrccL. Whilc LhaL's Lhc physics íormula íor Forcc, iL's
also Lhc íormula íor succcss in liíc. Mass has Lo do wiLh wcighL. Knowlcdgc is Lhc
wcighL oí cvcryLhing LhaL you know. Ií you Lakc your knowlcdgc and cquaLc iL wiLh
mass and Lhcn mulLiply your knowlcdgc by accclcraLion—Lhc spccd aL which
you’rc ablc Lo solvc oLhcr pcoplc's problcms—you’ll be a force LhaL cannoL bc
rcckoncd wiLh."
ThaL's onc oí Lhc grcaLcsL valucs and lcssons LhaL I havc cvcr lcarncd and I'vc
Lricd Lo apply iL Lo my liíc and carccr. I oíLcn Lhink abouL LhaL day and I sLill
rcmcmbcr my LhoughLs and ícclings as I shook his hand. I was hoping and praying
LhaL hc was righL. I bclicvc LhaL whcn Mr. Wclsch lookcd aL mc, hc lookcd aL mc
Lhrough Lhc cycs oí iníiniLc wisdom—wisdom LhaL says, ií you look aL a man Lhc
way hc is, hc only gcLs worsc, buL ií you look aL a man Lhc way hc could bc, Lhcn hc
bccomcs whaL hc should bc.

WRIGHT
So whaL is your íavoriLc quoLc`

DAVIS
Oh wow, Lhcrc arc so many oí Lhcm. I Lhink onc oí my íavoriLc quoLcs, aL lcasL
in Lhis scason oí my liíc righL now, is a quoLc by Mariannc Williamson írom hcr
book Return to Love. ¨Our dccpcsL ícar is noL LhaL wc'rc inadcquaLc. Our dccpcsL
ícar is LhaL wc arc powcríul bcyond mcasurc. IL is our lighL, noL our darkncss LhaL
írighLcns us. Wc ask oursclvcs, Who am I Lo be brilliant, gorgeous, talented,
íabulous` AcLually, who arc wc noL Lo bc` You arc a child oí Cod. Your playing
small docs noL scrvc Lhc world. Thcrc is noLhing cnlighLcncd abouL shrinking so
LhaL oLhcr pcoplc won'L íccl insccurc around you. . . . Wc wcrc born Lo makc
maniícsL Lhc glory oí Cod LhaL is wiLhin us. IL's noL jusL in somc oí us, iL's in
cvcryonc. And as wc lcL our lighL shinc, wc unconsciously givc oLhcr pcoplc
pcrmission Lo do Lhc samc. As wc arc libcraLcd írom our own ícar, our prcscncc
automaLically libcraLcs oLhcrs."
Stepping Stones to Success

90

WRIGHT
ThaL is a grcaL quoLc.
Now LhaL you'rc rcalizing and maniícsLing your drcam, whaL do you wish your
lcgacy Lo bc`

DAVIS
¨Icgacy" is a powcríul word. I bclicvc LhaL succcss wiLhouL a succcssor is noL
rcally succcss. You havc Lo íind a way Lo kccp your mcssagc—your story, the thing
LhaL you'vc workcd on your cnLirc liíc—Lo conLinuc Lo livc on. As I Lhink abouL iL
now, I wanL Lo bc rcmcmbcrcd noL so much íor whaL I gavc, buL íor whaL I inspircd
oLhcr pcoplc Lo givc. I wanL iL Lo bc known LhaL I was Lhc caLalysL who inspircd
somconc clsc Lo gcL ouL Lhcrc and Lcll Lhcir sLory, Lo gcL ouL Lhcrc and makc a
diíícrcncc, Lo go ouL and scrvc Lhc masscs oí pcoplc.
Onc oí Lhc ways in which wc'rc ablc Lo do LhaL now is Lhrough philanLhropy.
PhilanLhropy is a vcry big parL oí my liíc. I'vc bccn ablc Lo sLarL a scholarship íund
callcd Lhc Farl Davis Drcam Fund. Wc hclp pcoplc gcL Lhcir drcams going. A
primary íocus íor Lhc íund is acadcmics bccausc Lhc cosL oí cducaLion is going up
and gcLLing ouL oí rcach íor so many pcoplc. I Lhink LhaL cducaLion is a kcy Lo
compcnsaLion, iL's noL “The Key” buL iL is a kcy. Ií you'rc noL cducaLcd, you'rc not
ablc Lo gcL a grcaL sLarL. And you'vc goL Lo gcL sLarLcd ií you wanL Lo bc grcaL. So I
rcally wanL Lo kccp my íoundaLion work going. IL's noL limiLcd Lo Lhc arca oí
acadcmics, iL's Lhcrc íor anyonc, and wc rcally likc hclping pcoplc gcL Lhcir drcams
going.
Thc cconomy is anoLhcr issuc LhaL is aííccLing a loL oí pcoplc. Many pcoplc arc
losing Lhcir homcs and Lhcir jobs. SLrcss is causing pcoplc Lo havc hcalLh
condiLions and hcarLs arc íailing bccausc oí ícar. I Lhink Lhcsc arc Limcs LhaL Lry
mcn's souls. Wc arc in vcry daunLing and vcry sLrangc Limcs.
For cxamplc, Ichman BroLhcrs Holdings, Inc. was ablc Lo survivc Lhc CrcaL
Dcprcssion buL Lhcy wcrcn'L ablc Lo survivc Lhcsc Limcs. Foundcd in lS50, Lhcy
survivcd unLil 200S whcn Lhcy íilcd ChapLcr ll bankrupLcy.
Many pcoplc arc comparing Lhcsc Limcs wiLh Lhc CrcaL Dcprcssion. Thcrc wcrc
a loL oí losscs and Lragcdics during LhaL Limc. Many pcoplc wcrc jumping ouL oí
buildings and commiLLing suicidc back Lhcn. BuL Lhc cra oí Lhc CrcaL Dcprcssion
Earl Davis
91

was whcn somc oí Lhc grcaLcsL innovaLions wcrc madc—Lhc clccLric dry razor, car
radios, Lhc conccpL oí a supcrmarkcL, xcrography and Lhc company LhaL dcvclopcd
and commcrcializcd Lhc proccss (Xcrox), and Tampax. OuL oí ncccssiLy camc somc
oí Lhc grcaLcsL innovaLions in hisLory known Lo man LhaL arc sLill aííccLing us and
making liíc casicr Loday. I Lhink LhaL wc'rc aL LhaL pivoLal Limc again—Lhc Limc
whcn pcoplc havc Lo dig in dccp. I wanL Lo bc a caLalysL who givcs pcoplc Lhc
abiliLy Lo say, Hcy, ií LhaL guy can do iL, man, I know I can do iL.
Thcrc is a liLLlc íircball oí an inspiraLional spcakcr by Lhc namc oí Scan
SLcvcnson. Hc is a grcaL moLivaLional spcakcr and íricnd oí minc. Scan suíícrs
írom OsLcogcncsis ImpcríccLa and hc's abouL Lhrcc and a halí, maybc íour ícet tall
and siLs in a whcclchair. Whcn I saw Lhis liLLlc powcríul guy ouL Lhcrc changing
pcoplc's livcs, I LhoughL, ¨Man, ií Scan can do iL, I can do iL." ThaL's Lhc kind oí
spiriL I havc. I wanL Lo bc a posiLivc caLalysL and íorcc. I wanL Lo bc rcmcmbcrcd
noL so much íor whaL I gavc, buL íor whaL I inspircd pcoplc Lo givc.

WRIGHT
Wcll, Farl, whaL a grcaL moLivaLional convcrsaLion Lhis has bccn Loday. You'vc
givcn mc a loL Lo Lhink abouL, including somc ncw conccpLs. I'm surc LhaL our
rcadcrs arc going Lo cnjoy rcading Lhis chapLcr. I rcally apprcciaLc Lhc Limc you'vc
Lakcn wiLh mc Lo answcr all Lhcsc qucsLions. I know how busy you arc and I rcally
wanL you Lo know LhaL I apprcciaLc your bcing a parL oí our projccL.

DAVIS
Wcll, David, I rcally apprcciaLc you.
I will cnd on Lhis noLc, iL's somcLhing LhaL I'm known íor and iL docsn'L maLLcr
ií I'm abroad, in Lhc Caribbcan, or hcrc in Lhc SLaLcs. I likc Lo cnd cvcryLhing LhaL I
do—inLcrvicws and cvcn projccLs likc Lhis and convcrsaLions such as Lhc onc wc'vc
had today—wiLh Lhc íollowing advicc:





Stepping Stones to Success

92

Follow your dreams wherever they lead.
Don’t be distracted by less worthy deeds.
Shelter them, nourish them, help them to grow.
Hold your dream deep—down deep where dreams grow.
Follow your dreams, pursue them with haste,
Life is too precious—too precious to waste.
Be faithful, be loyal in all that you do,
The dream that you follow will keep coming true.

It’s been my pleasure, thank you very much.

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh Farl Davis, a powcríul and passionaLc spcakcr
and succcss coach. Through his company, CrcaLc Winncrs, hc works wiLh corporaLc
proícssionals, small busincss owncrs, ncLwork markcLcrs, nonproíiL organizaLions
(NPOs), and individuals who wanL Lo bring ouL Lhc vcry bcsL in Lhcmsclvcs and in
oLhcrs.
Farl, Lhank you so much íor bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to Success.

DAVIS
Thank you.


93

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
EARL DAVIS, JR. is onc oí Amcrica's mosL rcspccLcd voiccs on human
poLcnLial and Lhc psychology oí winning. Thc crcaLor and hosL oí Lhc
Lclcvision/radio program The Winner’s Circle, his clicnLs havc includcd HilLon
HoLcls, IBM, Lhc U.S. Army, sLaLcsman, proícssional aLhlcLcs, and cnLcrLaincrs.
His company, CrcaLc Winncrs, Inc., works wiLh corporaLc proícssionals,
cnLrcprcncurs, and morc Lo bring ouL Lhc bcsL in Lhcmsclvcs and oLhcrs.


EARL DAVIS
P.O. Box S2006
Tampa, FI 336S2
813-672-3445
www.crcaLcwinncrs.org



Stepping Stones to Success

94


95



C HA P T E R S E V E N
Surrcndcr AcLivaLcs Miraclcs:
How Lo Bcíricnd Lhc Unknown and
Walk Lhc BrighLly IiL PaLh oí Your Soul
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Saskia Röell
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc arc Lalking wiLh Saskia Rocll. Saskia livcs wiLh hcr husband, íivc
childrcn, and íivc animals in a small lobsLcr villagc on Lhc occan in Ncw
Fngland. As a TransíormaLional Iiíc Coach and Lhc bcsL-sclling auLhor oí A
Suitcase Full of Faith, shc cmpowcrs oLhcrs Lo livc írom Lhc hcarL, íinding the
couragc Lo íollow Lhcir drcams and cxprcss Lhcir liíc purposc. In 200l, Saskia,
hcr husband, and Lhcir íivc childrcn Look a daring lcap oí íaiLh. Thcy sold Lhcir
housc in Holland and gavc up Lhcir Lhriving busincsscs Lo cxplorc ncw
possibilities in Amcrica. WiLh liLLlc moncy, no job prospccLs, no conLacLs, and
íivc childrcn who didn'L spcak a word oí Fnglish, Lhcy LrusLcd LhaL Lhcy could
rcinvcnL Lhcir livcs in Lhc momcnL.
Stepping Stones to Success

96

Saskia íound hcr passion íor cmpowcring oLhcrs whilc Lcaching aL Lhc
UnivcrsiLy oí Croningcn in Lhc NcLhcrlands as a mcmbcr oí Lhc íaculLy oí
Bchavioral and Social Scicnccs in Lhc DcparLmcnL oí FxpcrimcnLal Psychology.
Shc has cxLcnsivcly sLudicd Lhc conscious mind, Lhc subconscious mind, Lhc
supcrconscious mind, and how our unhcalcd cmoLions aííccL our dcsLiny. Hcr
clicnLs livc all ovcr Lhc world and comc írom all walks oí liíc. Shc Lravcls
inLcrnaLionally prcscnLing scminars, conducLing workshops, and íacilitating
scssions íor individuals.
Saskia, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

SASKIA RÖELL
Thank you so much, David. I'm happy Lo bc hcrc.

WRIGHT
You wroLc a bcsL-sclling book LiLlcd A SuiLcasc Full oí FaiLh: How One
Woman Found Hcr Drcam TrusLing Lhc Compass oí Hcr Soul. Why did you
choosc LhaL LiLlc`

RÖELL
A Suitcase Full of Faith is a pionccr advcnLurc sLory abouL Laking risks in liíc
and living ícarlcssly whcn going aíLcr your drcams. OíLcn, wc lcL go oí a drcam
bccausc wc Lhink wc don'L havc cnough Limc Lo waiL íor iL or wc nccd Lo conLrol
Lhc proccss oí whcn or how somcLhing maniícsLs. Thc how and Lhc whcn arc
noL our busincss. Whcn wc ¨IcL go and lcL Cod," miraclcs happcn.
FaiLh and LrusL arc kcy íacLors in maniícsLing your drcams, and I'vc bccn a
drcamcr írom my íirsL brcaLh. I can'L rcmcmbcr a Limc whcn I didn'L drcam or
íanLasizc abouL a grandiosc íuLurc whcrc cvcryLhing was possiblc. AL young agc
I dccidcd Lo go aíLcr my cvcry drcam. I íclL likc a spiriLual advcnLurcr in a world
LhaL sLrcLchcd hcr arms widc opcn Lo wclcomc mc and sLccrcd mc in Lhc righL
dirccLion. Iiíc íclL saíc and soulíul.
I darcd Lhc Univcrsc and commandcd hcr hclp. I said, ¨Ií you wanL mc Lo
walk Lhc paLh oí my highcsL purposc, I will, buL bc awarc LhaL I rcly on your
supporL." This convcrsaLion sLarLcd ouL as joyíul play. IL bccamc a win-win
gamc.
Saskia Röell
!
97

Howcvcr, as I grcw oldcr, Lhc challcngcs grcw accordingly biggcr. I Look
many daring lcaps oí íaiLh in ordcr Lo sLay LruLhíul Lo my paLh. I íollowcd Lhc
compass oí my soul. I sLrcngLhcncd my íaiLh by Lhc challcngcs I mcL. I lcL go oí
conLrol and lcarncd how Lo livc ícarlcssly and bcíricnd Lhc unknown. I gavc up
my homc, my counLry, my marriagc, my bcsL íricnd, Lhc job I dcarly lovcd, and
íound Lhc liíc oí my dccpcsL drcams by íollowing Lhc compass oí my soul.
My liíc is a dcmonsLraLion oí Lhc Iaw oí ALLracLion in acLion. I'vc lcarncd
LhaL Lhc Univcrsc supporLs mc—always—whcn I íollow Lhc compass oí my
soul, whcn I livc írom my hcarL. I'vc madc cxLraordinary choiccs and, Lhcrcíorc,
mcL cxLraordinary challcngcs, buL I'vc bccn lcd Lo an cxLraordinary liíc in Lhc
proccss.
Our choiccs dcLcrminc our dcsLiny, buL oíLcn wc'd raLhcr sLay in our
comíorL zonc Lhan jump inLo Lhc unknown. I agrcc wiLh Lhc Frcnch pocL Andrc
Cidc who said, ¨Onc docsn'L discovcr ncw lands wiLhouL conscnLing Lo losc
sighL oí Lhc shorc íor a vcry long Limc."
The title A Suitcase Full of Faith camc írom Lhc chapLcrs abouL bcing on Lhc
brink oí moving our íamily oí scvcn írom Holland Lo Amcrica íor good. In
doing so, I was íollowing Lhc whispcrs oí my soul—Lhc dccp placc oí inncr
knowing—LhaL said, ¨Saskia, iL's Limc Lo lcavc Holland, Lo pack up and go and
lcavc cvcryLhing bchind. Co livc in Lhc land oí opporLuniLics."
I kncw, dccp down, LhaL I had Lo íollow LhaL voicc bccausc iLs guidancc
rcsonaLcd wiLh my wholc bcing. I íclL vcry passionaLc abouL Lhc idca oí lcLLing
go oí cvcryLhing and sLarLing ancw. Howcvcr, Lo do LhaL wc had Lo givc up our
Lhriving busincsscs, our wondcríul social liíc, our livcs ncar our cxLcndcd
íamily, and our íricnds. Wc had Lo Lradc all oí LhaL íor Lhc big unknown. Wc
had no jobs waiLing, Lhc kids did noL spcak Lhc Fnglish languagc, and wc had
liLLlc moncy. Truly, wc didn'L havc a singlc sccurc Lhing whcn wc arrivcd cxccpL
hcarLs íillcd wiLh joy. Thc challcngcs wcrc as big as Lhc miraclcs LhaL occurrcd.
Whcn I Lold a íricnd wc wcrc planning Lo lcavc íor Amcrica, hc lookcd aL mc in
disbclicí and said, ¨You musL havc suiLcascs íull oí moncy." I rcplicd, ¨No, I'vc
goL a suiLcasc íull oí íaiLh."
Whcn Lhc dccision was madc Lo movc Lo Amcrica, Lhc Univcrsc showcd up
and coopcraLcd immcdiaLcly. Thc day aíLcr my husband and I íirsL Lalkcd abouL
Stepping Stones to Success

98

Lhc idca, Lhc phonc rang. A íricnd in Amcrica was calling Lo inviLc us Lo comc Lo
Lhc FasL CoasL Lo sLay in hcr rcnovaLcd barn. I LhoughL, ¨I can havc Lhis drcam."
To my soul, Lhc soluLion was casy, buL sincc I was wiLh scvcn pcoplc, I said,
¨IcL's go on Lhis vacaLion íirsL and, ií all oí us rcsonaLc wiLh Lhis counLry, Lhen
wc'll movc."
Wc bookcd our planc LickcLs Lo Ncw York, wc rcnLcd an RV in Lhc UniLcd
SLaLcs, and wc Lourcd around. Thcrc was no scL plan oí whcrc wc would go. Wc
said, ¨A housc will íind us." Wc had no cluc whcrc on Lhc FasL CoasL or whcrc in
onc oí Lhc íiíLy sLaLcs oí Amcrica wc would livc. Whcn you givc ovcr in such a
dccp way, Lhc Univcrsc rcsponds.
On onc oí Lhc lasL days oí our Lrip wc visiLcd a liLLlc lobsLcr villagc on Lhc
ALlanLic shorc. I said, ¨IcL's íind our drcam housc hcrc." Icss Lhan Lcn minutes
laLcr, whilc driving around, wc saw a bcauLiíul, big, old VicLorian housc wiLh a
For Salc sign in Lhc yard. I kncw I had Lo scc morc oí Lhis íairy Lalc casLlc LhaL
had appcarcd ouL oí Lhin air, so I wcnL Lo cxplorc. I Lricd onc oí Lhc doors and iL
was unlockcd. I'll ncvcr íorgcL my husband sLanding in Lhc yard yclling, ¨No,
you can'L go in Lhcrc!" BuL I simply had Lo. I walkcd inLo Lhc housc and ícll in
lovc wiLh iL immcdiaLcly.
To makc a long sLory shorL, wc ílcw back Lo Holland and Lhcn boughL Lhc
housc, monLhs laLcr, ovcr Lhc phonc. Wc had no moncy in Lhc bank Lo buy iL
wiLh, buL Lhc Univcrsc hcard my call whcn I askcd íor pcoplc Lo lcnd us Lhc
moncy. In lcss Lhan cighL hours, I maniícsLcd Lhc wholc amounL oí moncy Lo
buy Lhc housc wiLh. Things ícll in placc. This movc was in sync wiLh a biggcr
plan. I'vc now livcd in LhaL housc íor cighL ycars and my rosc-colorcd glasscs
arc sLill íirmly in placc. Thc lovc wiLh Lhis housc is sLill going sLrong.
A Suitcase Full of Faith is noL a ¨how-Lo" book buL a ¨how do" book. Using my
cxpcricnccs as living prooí in Lhc rcal world, Lhc book rcads likc íicLion and
íccls likc an advcnLurc. You walk in my shocs. By Lhc Limc Lhc lasL pagc has
bccn Lurncd, my íaiLh and couragc arc yours. Many books spcak Lo pcoplc who
only wanL Lo Lakc baby sLcps and makc small liíc changcs. ThaL's noL whaL I do.
I spcak Lo pcoplc who arc rcady íor a push Loward a gianL lcap oí íaiLh. I show
Lhcm how Lo shcd Lhcir baggagc and I givc Lhcm Lhc map Lo usc íor making big
liíc changcs. I usc my own sLorics as inspiring cxamplcs oí how Lo livc ícarlcssly
Saskia Röell
!
99

and how Lo bcíricnd Lhc unknown. Tcaching by cxamplc, I livc my mcssagc
cvcry sLcp oí Lhc way. And you can, Loo.

WRIGHT
I'd likc Lo know morc abouL how you Lhink oí Lhc word ¨íaiLh" in Lhc Litle A
Suitcase Full of Faith.

RÖELL
I don'L rcícr Lo íaiLh in Lhc gcncral rcligious scnsc. By ¨íaiLh" I mcan Lhc
posiLivc qualiLy oí LrusL onc has in a posiLivc ouLcomc. And ycs, I havc a
Lrcmcndous amounL oí íaiLh, which, oí coursc, has bccn strengthened over the
ycars Lhrough my cxpcricnccs in LrusLing iL. Thc bcauLiíul Lhing is LhaL whcn
your íaiLh is sLrcngLhcncd, you lcarn LhaL you no longcr nccd Lo conLrol
cvcryLhing bccausc Lhings will ílow as Lhcy will, and you will ílow wiLh Lhcm.
With íaiLh, you can bridgc Lhc gap bcLwccn having an iniLial drcam and making
iL maniícsL.
In ordcr Lo lcarn, I'd raLhcr íollow Lhc dccp undcrcurrcnL oí my hcarL's
dcsirc and sLay on coursc wiLh Lhc compass oí my soul Lhan bc suckcd inLo Lhc
undcrcurrcnL oí doubL causcd by a ícaríul mind. Whcn I'm in Lunc wiLh Lhc
diviniLy wiLhin mc, my liíc purposc will uníold bccausc my hcarL and soul arc in
sync wiLh Lhc Univcrsc. Ií I am in Lhc ílow wiLh my auLhcnLic sclí, I obscrvc LhaL
synchroniciLics arc parL oí my liíc. OíLcn Lhc ouLcomc is diíícrcnL írom whaL I'd
cxpccLcd and LhaL is whcn I lcarn LhaL Lhcrc is Lhc slow way—my way—and the
íasL Lrack, which is Lhc Univcrsc's highway. IcLLing go oí my way Lakcs pracLicc.

WRIGHT
During Lhc big changc oí moving your íamily oí scvcn írom Holland Lo
Amcrica wiLh so ícw sLcppingsLoncs, how did couragc íiL inLo Lhc cquaLion`

RÖELL
Thc sLcppingsLoncs wcrc subLlc, buL Lhc lcap was gianL. Thcrc was no saícLy
ncL in placc. Whcn you Lakc an cnormous jump and lcavc Lhc pasL bchind, you
havc Lhc bcsL chancc oí allowing Lhc Univcrsc Lo show you Lhc way and hclp.
Whcn you makc a bungcc jump, you íccl grcaL bccausc íor a momcnL you Lhink
Stepping Stones to Success

100

you can íly. You wouldn'L íccl as blissíul ií Lhcrc was a plaLíorm halíway down
whcrc you could sLop íor a momcnL Lo conLcmplaLc whcLhcr or noL Lhc bungcc
cord will snap. InsLcad, you divc inLo íccling wcighLlcss and írcc. You rcalizc
LhaL you'rc saíc bccausc you'rc aLLachcd Lo a cord LhaL kccps you írom crashing
inLo Lhc ground. In my liíc I wanL Lo havc LhaL íccling all Lhc Limc. I wanL Lo bc
írcc, Lo Lravcl lighLly and walk Lhc brighLly liL paLh oí my soul—LhaL's whaL I am
aíLcr. I don'L wanL Lo bc wcighcd down wiLh Lhc baggagc oí Lhc pasL. So I
sLrcngLhcn my íaiLh by jumping wiLhouL a saícLy ncL in placc bccausc iL's only
Lhcn whcn I can íccl LhaL my íaiLh pulls mc up insLcad oí down. Cod's
¨umbilical cord"— our divine thread—is Lhc bungcc ropc írom which wc soar,
and ulLimaLcly, wc arc saíc in Lhc Univcrsc's cmbracc.
In moving Lo Amcrica, Lhcrc wcrc so many liLLlc sLcps. Wc puL onc íooL in
íronL oí Lhc oLhcr. Thc íirsL sLcps wcrc Lo scL ouL Lo buy LhaL big, old VicLorian
housc wiLhouL knowing ií wc could comc up wiLh Lhc amounL oí moncy Lhcy
askcd íor or Lo scc ií wc could scll our housc in Holland or get visas to enter
Amcrica. Thc ncxL sLcp was Lo Lhank Lhc Univcrsc and allow Lhc rcaliLy oí our
plan Lo maniícsL. Thc rcsL oí Lhc sLcps íollowcd soon aíLcr. Wc simply kcpL
going, no maLLcr whaL. A loL oí íricnds laughcd aL us, saying, ¨You nccd a
backup plan bccausc whcrc will you go ií you'vc burnL all your bridgcs bchind
you and iL docsn'L work ouL`" BuL wc had no room íor doubL. Wc gavc up
cvcryLhing and LrusLcd LhaL wc'd bc succcssíul anyway.
To mc, succcss mcans LhaL your hcarL is íull, cvcn Lhough your bank accounL
may noL bc. Thc word ¨couragc" comcs írom Lhc Frcnch word coeur, which
mcans hcarL. Thc hcarL is ncvcr ícaríul. Thc hcarL is íull oí lovc and LhaL is
whcrc our Lruc inLclligcncc lics. To navigaLc your liíc írom your hcarL shiíLs
your liíc írom survival modc Lo passionaLc living. In my coaching scssions, I
ask, ¨Imaginc íollowing Lhc LruLh oí your hcarL—whcrc would you go`" and,
¨WhaL sLops you írom going Lhcrc`" I know wc arc all unsLoppablc ií wc arc
passionaLc abouL our purposc. ThaL's why I am hcrc—Lo sprcad LhaL knowing
Lo oLhcrs and Lo show pcoplc LhaL ií I can do iL, Lhcy can Loo.

Saskia Röell
!
101

WRIGHT
Havc you always bccn íull oí íaiLh or did you go Lhrough a proccss Lo gcL
hcrc`

RÖELL
As a young girl growing up in íamily oí scvcn in Holland, I was blcsscd wiLh
parcnLs who LrusLcd Lhcir guL insLincLs Lo raisc mc by sLimulaLing and praising
my uniqucncss. Thcy prcLLy much lcL mc walk my own paLh. Thcy placcd vcry
ícw limiLs. I had a loL oí írccdom Lo cxprcss mysclí Lhc way I wanLcd Lo. Thcy
trusted my ícclings abouL whaL was righL íor mc. Thcrcíorc, aL young agc I
lcarncd Lo LrusL mysclí and Lo makc dccisions abouL whaL's righL íor mc. I'vc
danccd my way Lhrough liíc as a ícclcr, scnsing my way inLo cvcry dccision. I
askcd mysclí how I íclL abouL Lhis or LhaL. My logical mind has noL bccn in Lhc
way. I'vc drcamcd big and LhoughL cvcryLhing was possiblc, as long I LrusLcd
Lhc compass oí my soul. ThaL dccp placc oí inncr knowing has guidcd mc saícly,
lcading mc Lo Lhc íulíillmcnL oí many drcams.
Ovcr Lhc ycars, as my íaiLh grcw sLrongcr, I'vc madc cxLraordinary choiccs
LhaL lcd Lo cxLraordinary challcngcs and cxLraordinary rcsulLs—wiLhouL
rcgrcLs. WhaL Lools did I nccd in my suiLcasc íor LhaL journcy oí Lhc soul` Thcy
would bccomc obvious along Lhc way.
In Lhc ouLcr world, I uscd Lhc Lonely Planet Travel Survival Kit series to guide
mc Lo whaL was worLh sccing and whcrc Lo go. In my qucsL Lo íind Lhc answcrs I
soughL, I Lravclcd Lhrough Aírica, FgypL, Isracl, 3apan, Singaporc, PakisLan, Sri
Ianka, Indoncsia, Amcrica, and all ovcr Furopc. I livcd in Asia, in a kibbuLz in
Isracl, wiLh Lhc Bcdouin in Lhc dcscrL oí FgypL, and in oLhcr cxoLic, íar-away
placcs. I Lravclcd on a shocsLring. I lcarncd LhaL Lhc Univcrsc supporLs my
drcams always. ThaL bclicí bccamc rock solid and supporLcd mc in many ways. I
lcL go oí Lhc baggagc oí my pasL and sLcppcd onLo Lhc inncr Lrail whcrc I íound
Lhc brighLly liL paLh oí my soul. I íillcd my suiLcasc (oí coursc I only had a small
duíícl bag) wiLh íaiLh and LrusL. I discovcrcd whaL was worLh sccing and whcrc
to go—insidc. My liíc's paLh is a rcílccLion oí mc íollowing Lhc biggcr journcy
oí my soul.

Stepping Stones to Success

102

WRIGHT
Say morc abouL whaL iL mcans Lo íollow Lhc compass oí your soul.

RÖELL
IL mcans rccognizing LhaL liíc is a journcy and LhaL dirccLional hclp comcs
írom insidc oí us bccausc wc arc parL oí Lhc Univcrsc. Whcn wc look ouLsidc oí
oursclvcs íor dirccLion, wc gcL losL in Lhc ouLcr world wiLh all iLs many
possibiliLics.
To íollow Lhc compass oí Lhc soul also mcans Laking rcsponsibiliLy íor
showing up and saying ycs whcn guidcd írom wiLhin Lo Lakc ccrLain sLcps. In
liíc, wc cncounLcr roadblocks and crossroads. Thosc momcnLs arc Limcs Lo sLop
and look aL Lhc scripL wc'rc using Lo dirccL our liíc. Wc can ask oursclvcs,
¨Whcrc am I going`" and ¨WhaL is my dcsLiny`" Ií wc darc Lo scc Lhcm as
opporLuniLics íor growLh, roadblocks arc usually a prcludc Lo LransíormaLion.
WhaL holds us back is a suiLcasc íull oí baggagc írom Lhc pasL. IL wcighs us
down and makcs iL hard Lo Lravcl Lhc brighLly liL paLh oí Lhc soul. Following Lhc
compass oí Lhc soul mcans shcdding limiLaLions and LrusLing in Lhc wisdom oí
Lhc Univcrsc.

WRIGHT
How docs our suiLcasc wcigh us down`

RÖELL
During liíc wc gaLhcr a loL oí sLuíí—cxLra baggagc. Wc gaLhcr noL only
maLcrial sLuíí, buL mosLly cmoLional sLuíí in Lhc íorm oí limiLing bclicís and
sLorics abouL who wc arc and how liíc works. MosL oí LhaL old baggagc is bascd
on pasL cxpcricnccs and Lhc conclusions wc madc bascd on whaL happcncd Lo
us. Wc oíLcn misinLcrprcL cvcnLs and carry Lhosc íalsc conclusions Lhrough liíc.
RaLhcr Lhan Laking Lhc Limc and carc Lo lighLcn our load, wc go on íccling
burdcncd, carrying a hcavy suiLcasc oí unncccssary and íalsc assumpLions. To
darc Lo opcn LhaL suiLcasc is an advcnLurc! WhaL's in Lhcrc` WhaL can bc lcL go
oí` Imaginc whaL you'd idcally likc Lo pack íor Lhc journcy oí your liíc. You'd
bcLLcr bring your dancing shocs! Ií you navigaLc írom Lhc compass oí your soul,
you'll ccrLainly dancc and havc íun.
Saskia Röell
!
103

WRIGHT
Havc Lhcrc bccn momcnLs in your liíc whcn iL was diííiculL Lo íollow Lhc
voicc oí your hcarL (or Lhc compass oí your soul) bccausc Lhc voicc oí Lhc mind
madc morc scnsc`

RÖELL
In a way, ycs, Lhough I always havc only onc choicc bccausc my liíc's paLh is
Lo lisLcn Lo Lhc voicc oí my hcarL. My soul communicaLcs Lhrough my hcarL.
Through my ícclings I know whaL is righL or wrong íor mc. Ycs, I'vc had
challcnging momcnLs, buL no maLLcr how much my íaiLh has been put to the
LcsL, I'vc bccn consisLcnL in my choiccs.
AL Limcs, whcn íollowing your own compass, you go againsL Lhc sLrcam oí
doubLcrs who don'L undcrsLand you or who Lhink you'rc ouL oí your mind whcn
making ccrLain dccisions. BuL LhaL's okay. Thcy'll lcarn LhaL whcn you go aíLcr
your hcarL's dcsirc and Lakc risks, in Lhc cnd Lhc rcward is vcry swccL. Howcvcr,
many Limcs I'vc had Lo dccidc which voicc Lo íollow. I cncounLcr siLuaLions LhaL
Lriggcr ícar, buL I know LhaL I always havc a choicc abouL how Lo rcspond.
OíLcn, wc choosc ícar ovcr íaiLh bccausc iL's morc íamiliar. Fcar brings us
noLhing buL worry. FaiLh brings us pcacc oí mind. I avoid Lhc road LhaL lcads Lo
a dcad cnd whcn I íacc my ícars wiLh Lhc sLrcngLh LhaL comcs írom choosing Lo
íollow my hcarL.
Oncc, aL a íirc walk in Ncw Mcxico, I was rcally puL Lo Lhc LcsL abouL whaL
voicc Lo lisLcn Lo. Bcíorc Lhc walk, wc had a ccrcmony Lo prcparc oursclvcs.
During Lhc prcparaLion wc all saL in a circlc and mcdiLaLcd. Wc wcrc insLrucLcd
Lo ask our Highcr Sclí (Lhc wisc parL oí Lhc sclí or Lhc mcgaphonc oí Lhc soul)
Lo givc us a symbol or a sign abouL whcLhcr or noL wc wcrc Lo walk on Lhc hoL
coals. Wc wcrc Lold LhaL walking only írom a placc oí couragc would noL bc
allowcd. My world shaLLcrcd whcn I hcard Lhcm say Lhis bccausc I am gcncrally
good wiLh couragc—I oíLcn lcL iL carry mc along. BuL Lhc insLrucLors said, ¨Only
ií your Highcr Sclí givcs you Lhc grccn lighL you can walk. On somc days you arc
noL supposcd Lo walk. Couragc will noL do Lhc Lrick LonighL. Ií you walk only
írom couragc you can complcLcly burn your íccL. So look wiLhin and ask
whcLhcr or noL you will walk." Whcn I lookcd wiLhin, my Highcr sclí said, ¨Walk
íour Limcs wiLh casc and gracc."
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104

I sLarcd inLo hoL wild íirc. Thc ycllow ílamcs Louchcd Lhc sky. Scarcd and
shivcring, I sLood undcr Lhc piLch-black sLarliL Ncw Mcxico sky. Snowílakcs
wcrc íalling and I could almosL hcar Lhc ílamcs kissing Lhc whiLc ílakcs whcn
Lhcy mcL in Lhc air. AíLcr a whilc, my Lurn Lo cross Lhc íirc Lo Lhc other side
camc. WiLhouL íocus, moving írom couragc only, I ran across Lhc íirc. I burnL
my íccL. As I sLood aL Lhc oLhcr sidc oí Lhc íirc and coolcd my íccL in Lhc snow, I
was horriíicd. My solcs wcrc badly burnL bccausc I'd ncglccLcd Lhc wisc advicc
I’d rcccivcd Lo walk wiLh casc and gracc. InsLcad I ran wiLh couragc and no
íocus. Now whaL`
I considcrcd my siLuaLion and wondcrcd why anyonc wiLh burnL solcs would
walk Lhc íirc again. My mind was making a poinL. IL wanLcd Lo kccp mc saíc.
ThaL's whaL Lhc mind always wanLs—saícLy and sccuriLy. My body íclL pain and
Lhc idca oí going ovcr Lhc burning coals again madc mc cringc. BuL I chcckcd in
wiLh my Highcr Sclí. Was iL wisc Lo go again` ¨Ycs. Co," was Lhc answcr I
rcccivcd. So I had no choicc—ií I wanLcd Lo livc my liíc írom Lhc placc oí my
soul, I had Lo lisLcn.
I walkcd Lhrough Lhc íirc Lhrcc morc Limcs. I walkcd wiLh casc and gracc.
Amazingly, aíLcr cach Lurn my íccL íclL bcLLcr, Lhough I didn'L darc Lo look aL
my solcs again. ThaL nighL, bcíorc I wcnL Lo bcd, I puL purc Aloc Vcra on my
íccL, squcczing Lhc juicc írom a living cacLus planL growing on Lhc sidc oí Lhc
dcscrL road. I Lold my íccL Lhcy had bccn kisscd by Lhc íirc. Thc wounds hcalcd
ovcrnighL. Miraculously, I had soíL, ncw, pink skin on boLh oí my solcs Lhc ncxL
morning. IL was obvious LhaL I'd madc Lhc righL choicc íor mc—I'd íollowcd
Lhrough on Lhc advicc oí my hcarL, no maLLcr whaL!
AnoLhcr cxamplc is írom whcn I livcd in Singaporc wiLh my íirsL husband,
Lo whom I was marricd íor a ycar and a halí. Onc day I wcnL Lo a hockcy
LournamcnL in Indoncsia and was inLroduccd Lo a DuLch man Lhcrc. I shook his
hand and immcdiaLcly hcard Lhc voicc dccp wiLhin mysclí Lclling mc, ¨This man
is Lhc man oí your liíc." My mind argucd, saying, ¨BuL you'vc only just been
marricd." So which voicc should I lisLcn Lo` I had no oLhcr choicc Lhan Lo LrusL
my soul. IL wasn'L casy. Thc DuLch man livcd in Taiwan and I livcd in Singaporc.
Wc parLcd ways aíLcr lcss Lhan íorLy-cighL hours oí playing hockcy undcr
Lhc sizzling sun. Wc'd danccd íor onc long romanLic nighL undcr Lhc millions oí
Saskia Röell
!
105

sLars visiblc abovc Lhc cquaLor. And LhaL was all. In my íanLasics I imagincd
mccLing him again, buL I didn'L cvcn know his lasL namc unLil hc was waving
good-byc Lo mc. I wasn'L surc I would cvcr scc him again.
Pcoplc askcd mc how I could know íor surc LhaL hc was Lhc man oí my liíc.
Thcy wanLcd a logical cxplanaLion. Thcy said, ¨You don'L know him and you
alrcady havc Lhc bcsL liíc imaginablc." I alrcady had iL all in Lhc cycs oí oLhcrs.
To Lhcm, I didn'L know whaL I was doing. BuL dccp down I kncw cnough.
In ordcr Lo cnLcr Lhc Taipci casLlc oí Lhc DuLch man, I'd had Lo givc up
cvcryLhing. I bccamc homclcss in Lhc pcriod oí Limc bcLwccn lcaving my liíc in
Singaporc and ílying Lo Taipci. I wcnL aíLcr my princc. ThaL was LwcnLy ycars
ago. I marricd him in Taiwan and ovcr Lhc subscqucnL ycars havc givcn birLh Lo
our íivc bcauLiíul childrcn. Through LhaL cxpcricncc and many oLhcrs, I
complcLcly LrusL LhaL Lhc voicc oí my soul guidcs mc Lo my dcsLiny.

WRIGHT
Would you say LhaL you havc had cxpcricnccs in your liíc's journcy LhaL you
would call miraclcs`

RÖELL
Whcn you'rc opcn Lo Lhc íicld oí unlimiLcd possibiliLics and allow Lhings Lo
uníold according Lo your hcarL's compass, you'rc in íor quiLc a ridc. I'vc
cxpcricnccd morc miraclcs in a day Lhan somc pcoplc havc in a liícLimc. I'vc
cxpcricnccd miraclcs small and largc, all oí Lhcm grcaL.
Miraclcs havc Lo do wiLh apprcciaLing Lhc uncxpccLcd. Whcn somconc
smilcs aL mc in a busy Lrain sLaLion and I rcalizc LhaL wc arc all connccLcd, LhaL
is a miraclc Lo mc. Whcn my schcdulc is crazy and Lhc phonc rings and
somconc uncxpccLcdly oíícrs Lo Lakc carc oí my childrcn íor a whilc, I'm
amazcd LhaL Lhc Univcrsc supporLs mc in gcLLing my wriLing donc. I pracLicc
graLiLudc by bcing vcry conscious abouL all Lhc good Lhings I havc in my liíc. I
wakc up and oíícr graLiLudc as soon as I opcn my cycs and I mainLain LhaL
awarcncss oí bcing graLcíul unLil I go Lo slccp. ThaL ccrLainly incrcascs Lhc
amounL oí miraclcs in a day. And, ycs, I'vc had quiLc a ícw cxpcricnccs oí
uncxpccLcd Lhings happcning LhaL wcrc bcyond Lhc raLional mind's logic or
cxplanaLion.
Stepping Stones to Success

106

A ícw ycars ago I was in Scdona on a shamanic qucsL. I scL ouL on a walk in
Lhc Rcd Rocks wiLh a íricnd. Bcíorc our walk I did a mcdiLaLion, during which I
was Lold Lo íind a rock LhaL had Lhc malc and ícmalc symbols imprinLcd on iL.
This rock was íor Lhc unborn baby oí my íricnd. Thc rock would balancc Lhc yin
and yang cncrgy oí Lhc baby and had Lo bc placcd in his bcdroom.
Wc walkcd íor abouL íiíLccn minuLcs. Wc had no idca whcrc Lo go or whcrc
Lo look íor Lhc sLonc. Wc climbcd our way up Lhrough Lhc sandy paLhways
LrusLing LhaL Lhc sLonc would show up. Suddcnly, I sLoppcd. ¨Dig in Lhc sand
righL hcrc," camc Lhc mcssagc írom insidc. WiLh my hands I scarch Lhrough Lhc
rcd carLh and uncovcrcd a round rock. An incrcdiblc cncrgy ran Lhough my
spinc Lhc momcnL I hcld Lhc rock. I blcw Lhc sand oíí and was dumbsLruck aL
whaL I saw. Thc sLonc had Lhc sign oí a big hcarL on iL and insidc sLood a
warrior wiLh an arrow in his hand. IL musL havc bccn Lhcrc írom agcs ago, whcn
somconc carvcd Lhosc symbols inLo iL. BuL Lhcrc was anoLhcr miraclc ycL Lo
comc.
I walkcd alonc íor a whilc and was mcsmcrizcd by Lhc ovcrwhclming bcauLy
oí Lhc Rcd Rocks. I vibraLcd wiLh Lhc powcr oí Lhc carLh and I íclL my liíc
purposc sLrongly prcscnL. I knclL down and praycd Lo Lhc Univcrsc. I said,
¨Plcasc, will you lcL mc know LhaL you hcar mc and, ií you do, will you show mc
a rainbow in Lhc sky`" Who knows why I wanLcd LhaL prooí. I lookcd up in Lhc
sky buL saw noLhing. My mind considcrcd iL impossiblc, buL whcn I lookcd up
again, I saw a rainbow halo all around Lhc sun, righL abovc my hcad. AL íirsL I
LhoughL I was hallucinaLing. I saL moLionlcss on my knccs unLil my íricnd camc
Lo look íor mc. Shc'd bccn worricd LhaL I was Laking so long. I askcd hcr Lo Lcll
mc whaL shc saw. Shc lookcd up, hcr cycs ílickcring in awc, and said, ¨A
rainbow around Lhc sun." I'd goLLcn my answcr. I kncw Lhc Univcrsc hcard mc.
AnoLhcr cxamplc is írom whcn I livcd wiLh a Lribc oí Bcdouin in Lhc Sinai
DcscrL oí Isracl. I oncc wcnL íor long walk wiLh my íricnd, FaiLh (whaL clsc
could my bcsL íricnd bc namcd`). Wc sLarLcd our hikc carly in Lhc morning and
bccausc wc LhoughL wc'd casily bc ablc Lo íind ouL way homc again, wc scL ouL
wiLhouL much waLcr and wiLhouL a compass. Our homc was whcrc wc'd lcíL our
sleeping bags undcr a palm Lrcc closc Lo Lhc bcach. I sLill wondcr ií iL was
sLupidiLy LhaL prompLcd us Lo Lakc oíí wiLhouL cvcn Lhinking abouL Lhc
Saskia Röell
!
107

possibiliLy oí gcLLing losL in Lhc vasLncss oí Lhc dcscrL or ií iL was dccp LrusL
LhaL all would bc wcll no maLLcr whcrc wc wcnL. Wc scL ouL wiLh no worrics
projccLcd inLo Lhc prcscnL or íuLurc.
In LhaL dcscrL, Lhc hills and mounLains all lookcd alikc Lo us. AíLcr a ícw
hours oí hiking wc wcrc LoLally losL. Thc dcscrL scduccd us, consLanLly
cncouraging us Lo kccp going bccausc oí iLs consLanL changcs oí color. Wc
wanLcd Lo scc morc, Lo cxplorc íurLhcr. Thc landscapc mislcads.
Thc sun shonc high abovc our hcads and suddcnly wc rcalizcd LhaL Lhc way
back was unrccognizablc. Wc'd uscd all our waLcr and wcrc dchydraLcd. Wc sat
down on Lhc Lop oí a hill Lo discuss our opLions. Thc bcauLy was mcsmcrizing
buL biLLcrswccL oncc wc had noLhing clsc on our minds buL íinding waLcr, íood,
and shclLcr. Nobody kncw wc'd lcíL camp and cvcn ií Lhcy'd known Lhcy had no
way oí íinding us. Wc could only movc on and pray íor Lhc bcsL. I whispcrcd Lo
Lhc Univcrsc LhaL wc would lovc somc mclons. I LasLcd Lhcir swccLncss in my
mouLh. AíLcr LhaL, wc conLinucd Lo walk, noL knowing whcLhcr wc wcrc
driíLing íarLhcr inLo Lhc dcscrL or back Loward camp. Wc wcrc so LhirsLy LhaL
Lhc dazzling waLcr miragcs madc us run down Lhc hills Loward Lhcm. Wc saw
íalsc pools oí waLcr as Lhc hcaL danccd abovc Lhc sand. And Lhcn suddcnly a
brown canvas bag appcarcd on Lhc sand bcíorc us, sccmingly ouL oí Lhin air.
Carcíully, wc approachcd Lhc bag, as ií wc wcrc prcdaLors, inLcnL on prcy. Thcrc
wcrc Lhrcc dclicious mclons insidc, and wc Lhcn íound our way back Lo camp.
Our praycrs had bccn answcrcd.

WRIGHT
WhaL do you do whcn you losc your íaiLh, or misplacc iL` And why do you
Lhink pcoplc losc Lhcir íaiLh in Limcs oí changc`

RÖELL
AlLhough Lhcrc havc bccn momcnLs—and Lhcrc will bc momcnLs—whcn I
can'L íind my íaiLh, I can'L rcally losc my íaiLh bccausc iL's parL oí my csscncc. I
only losc my awarcncss oí iL momcnLarily, and I have to dig a little deeper to
íind iL again. I'vc always known LhaL Lhc paLh oí Lhc soul can bc challcnging.
ALLiLudc maLLcrs ií wc wanL Lo kccp moving. I can bc impaLicnL wiLh my own
progrcss, buL I havc lcarncd LhaL divinc Liming is noL my busincss. I'd bcLLcr
Stepping Stones to Success

108

sLay ouL oí Lhc way or I could mcss Lhings up. I'vc cxpcricnccd Lough Limcs
whcn noLhing wcnL Lhc way I cxpccLcd. Usually in Lhosc momcnLs I wasn'L
awarc oí Lhc biggcr picLurc. I lcarncd Lo LrusL LhaL cvcryLhing Lurns ouL okay aL
the end oí Lhc day.
Whcrcas ícar is a íigmcnL oí Lhc mind, íaiLh is a virLuc oí Lhc soul. Bccausc
wc arc human, wc havc a widc rangc oí ícclings and cmoLions in our rcpcrLoirc.
Fspccially whcn Lhings don'L go our way or liíc rcquircs changc, ícar is a morc
íamiliar rcsponsc Lhan íaiLh. Wc gcncrally don'L likc changc. Wc'd raLhcr sLay
sLuck in a way oí liíc wc don'L likc Lhan changc. Wc don'L rcalizc LhaL changc is
liíc's inLcnLion Lo susLain iLsclí and movc on. To movc ouL oí Lhc comíorL zonc
íccls dangcrous, cvcn Lhough Lhcrc's noLhing morc cxciLing Lhan discovcring
somcLhing wondcríul and ncw. Ií wc kncw wc wcrc always saíc, no maLLcr
whaL, bccausc Lhc Univcrsc or Cod waLchcs ovcr us, wc'd Lakc morc joy in
lcLLing go oí Lhc old and moving inLo Lhc ncw.
Wc crcaLc our own rcaliLy. Wc havc Lhc powcr oí írcc will rcgarding how wc
rcspond. Thcrc's always opporLuniLy in Lhc midsL oí advcrsiLy. Fvcn in Lhis
Limc whcn pcoplc arc losing Lhcir jobs and homcs, Lhcrc arc sLill opporLuniLics.
Thc old musL íall away Lo makc room íor Lhc ncw. As long as wc don'L losc our
drcams, wc win. Wc choosc Lo go Lhrough ícar wiLh íaiLh.

WRIGHT
You'vc Lravclcd all ovcr Lhc world, whaL cxpcricnccs havc mosL sLrcngLhcncd
your LrusL and íaiLh`

RÖELL
I Lravclcd all ovcr Lhc world in my qucsL Lo undcrsLand whaL my liíc is all
abouL. On my journcy, Lhc Lrail inLo Lhc ouLcr world was my sLarLing poinL, my
inncr journcy broughL mc íull circlc. My liíc has bccn a rollcr coasLcr ridc and
sLill is. I'm in chargc, alLhough somcLimcs Lhc spccd is liLLlc íasL. Iiíc givcs mc
whaL I ask íor, and morc.
Thc ¨uncxpccLcd morc" is cspccially whcrc my growLh happcns, buL iL's also
whcrc miraclcs show up. Thc cxLraordinary choiccs I madc havc broughL mc Lo
whcrc I am Loday. From a young agc I kncw I had a mission in Lhis liíc. My
qucsL was Lo undcrsLand whaL my liíc was all abouL and how Lo livc ícarlcssly
Saskia Röell
!
109

and havc íaiLh in a loving Univcrsc LhaL supporLs mc Lo cxprcss my diviniLy in
íull. I sLrcngLhcncd my íaiLh LhaL I was noL alonc, LhaL wc arc onc, LhaL the
Univcrsc supporLs my highcsL drcams, and LhaL I am saíc—no maLLcr whaL. I
always lisLcncd Lo my guL ícclings and lcL Lhcm lcad mc Lo Lhc bcsL placcs íor
mc. I cxcrcisc my íaiLh daily by lisLcning Lo my inncr voicc whcn íacing
challcngcs and by waLching miraclcs occur whcn I sLay Lruc Lo my paLh.

WRIGHT
You sccm adcpL aL lisLcning Lo Lhc compass oí your soul. Will you givc our
rcadcrs a ícw morc cxamplcs oí how LhaL has scrvcd you or savcd you`

RÖELL
Following Lhc compass oí my soul has always scrvcd mc. And iL savcd my liíc
in FgypL. I was in my carly LwcnLics whcn I visiLcd Lhc pyramids in FgypL. I was
vcry cxciLcd Lo scc Lhc Lombs and Lhc Sphinx wiLh my own cycs.
Thrcc mcn accompanicd mc on LhaL journcy and, whilc walking around aL
Lhc siLc, an old FgypLian man approachcd us and askcd ií wc wanLcd Lo scc a
gravc LhaL was sLill hiddcn. Hc said hc'd lcad us Lo a sacrcd and sccrcL placc
bchind Lhc pyramids. Hc sccmcd a biL crccpy, buL my curiosiLy Lo scc Lhc gravc
oí an old king madc mc disrcgard my insLincLs aL íirsL. Wc íollowcd him unLil
hc sLoppcd and Lold us Lo bc quicL and waiL. Hc dug in Lhc sand wiLh a spadc íor
Lcn minuLcs and uncovcrcd a holc. Insidc Lhc holc wcrc sLcps down inLo a cavc.
My scnsc oí advcnLurc was Licklcd Lo Lhc max. Hc Lhcn Lold us Lo dcsccnd. WiLh
cach sLcp down I íclL LhaL somcLhing was noL righL, buL I kcpL going, down inLo
Lhc bcauLiíul gravc oí a pharaoh. NoL onc king buL Lhrcc kings wcrc buricd hcrc.
Thc crccpy man raiscd his candlc ovcr Lhc boncs Lo lighL Lhcm. Onc oí my
íricnds gaLhcrcd somc oí Lhc boncs írom Lhc Lomb. I LhoughL I'd likc Lo do Lhc
samc Lhing, Lo show my íricnds back homc somcLhing abouL whcrc I'd bccn.
WiLhin a spliL sccond oí having LhaL LhoughL, I hcard írom insidc mysclí a dccp
“No! Get out now!” I basically ran ouL oí Lhc Lomb as ií my liíc dcpcndcd on iL
and as I sLood ouLsidc in Lhc írcsh air, Lrcmbling, my mind said, ¨Oh gosh, don'L
you wanL Lo go back in Lhcrc and grab somc oí LhaL sLuíí and Lakc iL homc`" My
hcarL clcarly said no, Lhough, so I didn'L, and I was Lo íind ouL LhaL LhaL lcaving
Lhc boncs bchind savcd my liíc.
Stepping Stones to Success

110

Back on Lhc kibbuLz in Isracl, Lhc man who'd Lakcn Lhc boncs írom Lhc Lomb
bccamc vcry sick and bad Lhings sLarLcd Lo happcn Lo him: hc goL run ovcr by a
Lruck, his girlíricnd dicd righL in íronL oí him, and on and on. Thc lisL oí his
misíorLuncs grcw vcry long. Thc kibbuLzniks bccamc worricd bccausc iL was
obvious LhaL somcLhing wasn'L righL wiLh him.
Hc spokc wiLh Lhc psychic oí Lhc kibbuLz and shc said, ¨IL sccms LhaL you'vc
bccn curscd by an FgypLian pharaoh Lhrough Lhc scvcnLh gcncraLion, buL why`"
Hc Lold hcr Lhcn LhaL hc'd Lakcn Lhc boncs ouL oí Lhc Lomb. Shc Lold him
that—Lhrough all kinds oí shamanic riLuals—hc had Lo Lry Lo gcL rid oí
cvcryLhing rclaLcd Lo Lhc boncs, Lo burn all hc had LhaL was associaLcd wiLh
Lhcm, cvcn Lhc cloLhcs hc'd bccn wcaring LhaL day, and Lhc cupboard whcrc
hc'd kcpL Lhc boncs. Hc lisLcncd and íollowcd hcr insLrucLions, buL wiLhouL
LoLal succcss. I mcL him a ycar laLcr whcn wc boLh rcLurncd Lo Lhc kibbuLz. Hc
had bonc canccr and a brain Lumor. To mc, my willingncss Lo íollow Lhc voicc
írom insidc kcpL mc írom a similar íaLc.

WRIGHT
WhaL is Lhc mosL couragcous Lhing you'vc donc`

RÖELL
You would Lhink LhaL moving Lo Amcrica in Lhc way wc did would bc Lhc
mosL couragcous Lhing, buL Lruly iL's noL. Thc mosL couragcous Lhing I’ve done
was Lo wriLc Lhc book A Suitcase Full of Faith, which cxposcd mysclí. IL Look a loL
oí couragc Lo sLcp inLo my own spoLlighL, and show who I am, Lo comc ouL oí
hiding and lcL my own lighL shinc so brighLly.
I lcL go oí Lhc voicc oí doubL LhaL whispcrcd in my car, saying, ¨Maybc you'rc
noL good cnough" and ¨Maybc you'll bc ridiculcd." I can Lcll you now how
írccing iL's bccn Lo cmbracc my ílaws and impcríccLions and also Lo scc Lhc
pcríccLion wiLhin mysclí. I'm now glad I wcnL Lhrough Lhc proccss oí claiming
mysclí in morc oí a public way Lo honor and sharc my giíLs and LalcnLs wiLh Lhc
world. Bcing íully sclí-cxprcsscd and doing so in my uniquc way has bccn Lhc
mosL couragcous Lhing I'vc donc—and sLill is, buL LhaL's whaL I hclp oLhcrs Lo
do now.

Saskia Röell
!
111

WRIGHT
How can liíc's purposc bc rcvcalcd Lhrough íaiLh`

RÖELL
Wc all havc a uniquc purposc Lo cxprcss in Lhc world. Ií you don'L cxprcss iL,
Lhc world will noL havc iL. Wc may noL bc awarc oí our purposc or may noL
wanL Lo sLcp inLo Lhc rcsponsibiliLy oí iL, buL I guaranLcc LhaL liíc is morc íun
whcn wc do. Ií you bclicvc in yoursclí, in your drcams, and in a loving Univcrsc
LhaL connccLs Lhc doLs íor you írom whcrc you arc now Lo whcrc you wanL Lo
bc, your liíc purposc will bc rcvcalcd. You will bc, do, and havc whaL Lhrills you.
Wc vibraLc aL a lcvcl oí aLLracLing Loward oursclvcs whaL's in sync wiLh our
soul. Thc Univcrsc givcs us signs Lo íollow. Thcrc arc crossroads or roadblocks,
buL whcn wc commiL Lo our own paLh, wc movc Lhrough Lhcm and pasL Lhcm
wiLh casc.
Don'L aim íor survival, buL íor a íccling oí passion and purposc LhaL pulsaLcs
sLrongly Lhrough your vcins. Follow your inncr compass as bcsL you can Lo
build Lhc musclcs nccdcd íor rccognizing and sLrcngLhcning Lhc voicc oí your
hcarL.

WRIGHT
WhaL qucsL currcnLly capLivaLcs you`

RÖELL
Thc journcy oí Lhc soul. How can I cmbracc and cxprcss my diviniLy wiLh
íull íorcc in Lhis liíc` I'm íascinaLcd by Lhc idca LhaL my purposc is noL abouL
mc, buL abouL Lhc divinc in mc. Thc lasL phrasc oí my book, A Suitcase Full of
Faith, is ¨walking on Lhc barc íccL oí my soul, ícarlcss and írcc," which is abouL
saying, ¨Ycs, hcrc I am, and cxprcssing my uniquc purposc—no maLLcr whaL."
WhaL clsc capLivaLcs mc` Thc way our inncr world always rcílccLs our outer
world, Lhc way íaiLh bridgcs Lhc gap bcLwccn our aspiraLions and Lhc
maniícsLaLions oí our drcams, LhaL my íivc childrcn havc such a zcsL oí liíc,
living wiLh cndlcss íaiLh and LrusL in Lhc goodncss oí liíc, Lhc way graLiLudc
brings us into the highcsL vibraLion, how Lo look aL Lhc world Lhrough Lhc cycs
Stepping Stones to Success

112

oí my hcarL and how Lo bc compassionaLc and non-judgmcnLal, how Lo lcavc
Lhc lighLcsL íooLprinLs on Lhc FarLh, and how Lo scrvc.

WRIGHT
How do you hclp oLhcrs in Lhcir journcys Lo crcaLc Lhcir own cxLraordinary
livcs`

RÖELL
Thc mosL powcríul Lool I usc is Lhc cxamplc oí my own liíc. Through my
sLoryLclling, I lovc Lo igniLc couragc Lo hclp pcoplc makc cxLraordinary choiccs,
which arc kcy Lo lcLLing go and moving ouL oí Lhc comíorL zonc, íor only then
can wc grow.
Through my wriLing, coaching, and spcaking I Lcach pcoplc Lhc arL oí
shedding baggage—how Lo lcL go oí Lhc pasL and sLcp inLo Lhcir own spoLlighL. I
hclp pcoplc connccL Lo Lhcir uniquc purposc, passion, and joy. I íocus on liíc
purpose issucs and on supporLing womcn in Lhc journcy oí ícrLiliLy,
moLhcrhood, and birLh. As a TransíormaLional Iiíc Coach I hclp pcoplc Lo birLh
Lhcir drcams and I also hclp womcn Lo birLh Lhcir babics.
Thc way I hclp pcoplc Lo givc birLh Lo Lhcir drcams is Lhc samc way I hclp
womcn givc birLh Lo Lhcir babics. Whcn I givc somconc LhaL íinal push Lo sLcp
inLo Lhcir drcams, and Lhcy darc Lo Lakc LhaL lcap oí íaiLh, my hcarL is íulíillcd.

WRIGHT
You'vc givcn birLh Lo íivc childrcn and Lo many drcams. In your counscling,
you hclp pcoplc Lo birLh Lhcir drcams as wcll as Lhcir babics. How do íaiLh and
LrusL rclaLc Lo boLh`

RÖELL
During Lhc birLh oí my íirsL child, I lcarncd LhaL ícar conLracLs, crcaLing
rcsisLancc and pain. InsLcad, I lcarncd Lo surrcndcr complcLcly, trusting the
innaLc wisdom oí my body. I lcL go and swiLchcd oíí my mind. Whcn I had íaiLh
in my body, I íound LhaL I had no ícar, only a dccp surrcndcr and a dccp LrusL
LhaL my body kncw how Lo do iL. I waLchcd my body pcríorm Lhc miraclc. IL's
amazing Lo scc how Lhc body is íully cquippcd Lo íuncLion wiLhouL Lhc mind.
Saskia Röell
!
113

Wc'vc losL coníidcncc in our bodics via Lhc mass hypnosis LhaL Lcachcs us LhaL
birLh is cxcruciaLingly painíul.
Iook aL Lhc words Lhis culLurc uscs around birLh. ConLracLions arc, in íacL,
wavcs LhaL wash ovcr Lhc body Lo opcn Lhc uLcrus Lo allow Lhc birLh oí Lhc
baby. BuL Lhc word ¨conLracL" indicaLcs a limiLaLion raLhcr Lhan a ílow likc a
wavc. Bccausc oí ícar, wc call Lhcm conLracLions and Lhcrcíorc iL bccomcs
painíul Lo givc birLh. Wc call Lhc birLh proccss labor. I call birLh a sacrcd
cxpcricncc.
I sang my íivc childrcn inLo Lhc world wiLh grcaL joy and wiLhouL pain. Thc
birLhs wcrc no morc Lhan LhirLy minuLcs írom bcginning Lo cnd, noL bccausc I
masLcrcd an advanccd Lcchniquc, buL bccausc I sLaycd ouL oí my mind and lcL
naLurc run hcr coursc.
Wc can givc birLh Lo our drcams ií wc lcL our Lruc divinc run hcr coursc.
BirLhing your drcams or birLhing your childrcn arc acLually similar in LhaL way.
Thc way I hclp womcn wiLh ícrLiliLy issucs and giving birLh is Lhc samc as I hclp
pcoplc Lo givc birLh Lo Lhcir drcams.

WRIGHT
WhaL advicc would you givc Lo pcoplc who havc dccidcd Lhcy would likc Lo
livc in a world oí Lhcir own crcaLion`

RÖELL
Bc daring, bc diíícrcnL, lovc and cxprcss your uniqucncss. IcL your hcarL
lcad Lhc way. Movc ouL oí your comíorL zonc. Roadblocks and dcLours arc
opporLuniLics íor growLh. You'll mccL Lhcm, buL grccL Lhcm wiLh an opcn hcarL.
Focus on whaL iL is you wanL Lo bring abouL in your liíc. Don'L blamc Lhc
circumsLanccs. Fmpowcr yoursclí by Laking acLion. Darc Lhc Univcrsc íor
supporL. Don'L cvcr givc up. Don'L lcL Limc bc an cxcusc in your crcaLion oí your
liíc. Surrcndcr bccausc iL acLivaLcs miraclcs. Pack your suiLcasc íull oí íaiLh!

WRIGHT
You havc always bccn passionaLc abouL cmpowcring oLhcrs. WhaL arc Lhc
íivc sLcps you rccommcnd LhaL lcad us Lo grcaLcr liíc cmpowcrmcnL and
succcss`
Stepping Stones to Success

114

RÖELL
I'm noL a big bclicvcr in ¨how Lo." I bclicvc morc in ¨how do." Hcrc arc Lhc
pracLiccs LhaL havc Lhc biggcsL inílucncc on cmpowcrmcnL:

Practice Awareness—InvcsL only in Lhc map LhaL lcads you Lo Lhc placc you Lruly
wanL Lo bc. WaLch your LhoughLs. Your bclicís crcaLc your dcsLiny, so whcn you changc
your bclicís, you changc your dcsLiny. I lovc Lhc MahaLma Candhi quoLc, ¨A man is buL
Lhc producL oí his LhoughLs. WhaL hc Lhinks, hc bccomcs."

Practice Moving Out of Your Comfort Zone—Takc a ncw road Lo gcL Lo a ncw
placc. IcL go oí Lhc pasL and allow Lhc ncw Lo comc in. InsLcad oí sLaying sLuck in a
siLuaLion whcrc you don'L íccl joy, darc Lo Lakc a lcap oí íaiLh and cxpand your
horizons.

Practice Letting Your Heart Lead the Way—When you tune in to and trust
your hcarL, you always saícly rcach Lhc dcsLinaLion oí your drcams. Iiíc is noL only
abouL survival. To livc passionaLcly, ignorc Lhc mcnLal chaLLcr LhaL aims Lo hold you
back and insLcad LrusL your hcarL Lo lcad Lhc way.

Practice the Power of Choice—You always havc Lhc powcr Lo Lakc Lhc road LhaL
lcads Lo your hcarL's dcsirc. Fxcrcisc your írcc will. Thcrc arc no wrong choiccs, only
diíícrcnL ouLcomcs. No maLLcr whaL your siLuaLion is, you always havc Lhc choicc oí
aLLiLudc. Makc Lhc cxLraordinary choicc Lo gcL Lhc cxLraordinary rcsulL.

Practice Surrender—Your Lruc dcsLiny is rcachcd whcn you surrcndcr Lo being
guidcd by Lhc compass oí your soul. Whcn you choosc surrcndcr, you rclcasc yoursclí
írom Lhc nccd Lo conLrol. Fccl Lhc írccdom oí lcLLing go. Fmbracc Lhc unknown. IL's Lhc
placc whcrc ncw possibiliLics arisc and miraclcs happcn.

WRIGHT
Wcll, whaL an inLcrcsLing convcrsaLion Lhis has bccn and whaL an
inLcrcsLing pcrson you arc. I'm capLivaLcd by all oí your world Lravcl. I
apprcciaLc all Lhis Limc you'vc Lakcn wiLh mc Loday Lo answcr Lhcsc qucsLions.
Saskia Röell
!
115

IL's bccn íascinaLing and I'vc lcarncd a loL, cspccially abouL inLrospccLion.
Hopcíully, I can apply somc oí your advicc and our rcadcrs will as wcll.

RÖELL
Thank you so much, David. IL has bccn such a plcasurc Lo Lalk Lo you.

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh Saskia Rocll. Saskia is a TransíormaLional Iiíc
Coach and Lhc bcsL-sclling auLhor oí A Suitcase Full of Faith. Hcr clicnLs livc all
ovcr Lhc world and comc írom all walks oí liíc. Shc Lravcls inLcrnaLionally,
prcscnLing scminars, conducLing workshops, and íaciliLaLing scssions íor
individuals.
Saskia, you havc my bcsL wishcs as you Lravcl. Don'L gcL losL in Lhc dcscrL! I
rcally do apprcciaLc Lhis and I apprcciaLc your bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping
Stones to Success.

RÖELL
Thank you so much, David.
116

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
SASKIA ROFII ¨Thc Couragc Coach" walks hcr Lalk. Shc Lcachcs whaL shc
naLurally knows—how Lo lcL Lhc soul lcad Lhc way. In hcr bcsLsclling book, A
Suitcase Full of Faith: How One Woman Found Her Dream Trusting the Compass of
Her Soul, shc shows how iL's donc, using Lhc sLorics oí hcr own rich liíc as
Lcaching Lools and Lhus making Lhc lcarning íun. Shc Lcachcs Lhc arL oí
shedding baggage—how Lo lcL go oí Lhc pasL and sLcp inLo your own spoLlighL.
Shc cmpowcrs oLhcrs Lo livc írom Lhc hcarL, íind couragc Lo íollow Lhcir
drcams, and livc Lhcir liíc purposc.
Through hcr pracLicc as a TransíormaLional Iiíc Coach, Saskia hclps pcoplc
get to the nitty-griLLy oí whaL's in Lhc way and Lo undcrsLand which way Lo go
by using Lhc powcríul Lools oí íaiLh and couragc. Shc's a masLcr. And shc íirmly
bclicvcs you'rc a masLcr, Loo.
Saskia íound hcr passion íor cmpowcring oLhcrs whilc Lcaching aL Lhc
RijksunivcrsiLciL oí Croningcn in Lhc NcLhcrlands, as a mcmbcr oí Lhc íaculLy
oí Bchavioral Scicnccs in Lhc DcparLmcnL oí FxpcrimcnLal Psychology. Shc has
cxLcnsivcly sLudicd Lhc conscious, subconscious, and supcrconscious mind and
how our unhcalcd cmoLions aííccL our dcsLiny.
Saskia Lravcls inLcrnaLionally, prcscnLing scminars and íaciliLaLing scssions
íor individuals.
SASKIA RÖELL
(07S) 546-6265
saskia.roclløvcrizon.ncL
www.illuminaLcdLransíormaLion.com
www.suiLcascíulloííaiLh.com


117



C HA P T E R E I G HT
Discovcr Your Inncr Rcsourcc
An InLcrvicw wiLh.Dr. Deepak Chopra
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc arc Lalking Lo Dr. Dccpak Chopra, íoundcr oí Lhc Chopra CcnLcr íor
Wcll Bcing in Carlsbad, Caliíornia. Morc Lhan a dccadc ago, Dr. Chopra bccamc Lhc
íorcmosL pionccr in inLcgraLcd mcdicinc. His insighLs havc rcdcíincd our
dcíiniLion oí hcalLh Lo cmbracc body, mind and spiriL. His books, which includc,
Quantum Healing, Perfect Health, Ageless Body Timeless Mind, and The Seven Spiritual
Laws of Success, havc bccomc inLcrnaLional bcsLscllcrs and arc csLablishcd classics.
Dr. Chopra, wclcomc to Stepping Stones to Success.

DR. DEEPAK CHOPRA (CHOPRA)
Thank you. How arc you`

WRIGHT
I am doing jusL íinc. IL's grcaL wcaLhcr hcrc in Tcnncsscc.

Stepping Stones to Success

118

CHOPRA
CrcaL.

WRIGHT
Dr. Chopra, you sLaLcd in your book, Grow Younger, Live Longer: 10 Steps to
Reverse Aging, LhaL iL is possiblc Lo rcscL your biosLaLs up Lo íiíLccn ycars youngcr
Lhan your chronological agc. Is LhaL rcally possiblc`

CHOPRA
Ycs. Thcrc arc scvcral cxamplcs oí Lhis. Thc liLcraLurc on aging rcally bcgan Lo
bccomc inLcrcsLing in Lhc l0S0s whcn pcoplc showcd LhaL iL was possiblc Lo
rcvcrsc Lhc biological marks oí aging. This includcd Lhings likc blood prcssurc,
bone density, body LcmpcraLurc, rcgulaLion oí Lhc mcLabolic raLc, and oLhcr Lhings
likc cardiovascular condiLioning, cholcsLcrol lcvcls, musclc mass and sLrcngLh oí
musclcs, and cvcn Lhings likc hcaring, vision, scx hormonc lcvcls, and immunc
íuncLion.
Onc oí Lhc Lhings LhaL camc ouL oí Lhosc sLudics was LhaL psychological agc had
a grcaL inílucncc on biological agc. So you havc Lhrcc kinds oí aging: chronological
agc is whcn you wcrc born, biological agc is whaL your biomarkcr shows, and
psychological agc is whaL your biosLaL says.

WRIGHT
You call our prior condiLioning a prison. WhaL do you mcan`

CHOPRA
Wc havc ccrLain cxpccLaLions abouL Lhc aging proccss. Womcn cxpccL Lo
bccomc mcnopausal in Lhcir carly íorLics. Pcoplc Lhink Lhcy should rcLirc aL Lhc
agc oí sixLy-íivc and Lhcn go Florida and spcnd Lhc rcsL oí Lhcir liíc in so-callcd
rcLircmcnL. Thcsc cxpccLaLions acLually inílucncc Lhc vcry biology oí aging. WhaL
wc call normal aging is acLually Lhc hypnosis oí our social condiLioning. Ií you can
bypass LhaL social condiLioning, Lhcn you'rc írcc Lo rcscL your own biological clock.

Deepak Chopra

119

WRIGHT
Fvcryonc Lold mc LhaL I was supposcd Lo rcLirc aL sixLy-íivc. I'm somcwhaL
oldcr Lhan LhaL and as a maLLcr oí íacL, Loday is my birLhday.

CHOPRA
Wcll happy birLhday. You know, Lhc íacL is LhaL you should bc having íun all Lhc
Limc and always íccl youLhíul. You should always íccl LhaL you arc conLribuLing Lo
socicLy. IL's noL Lhc rcLircmcnL, buL iL's Lhc passion wiLh which you'rc involvcd in
Lhc wcll bcing oí your socicLy, your communiLy, or Lhc world aL largc.

WRIGHT
CrcaL Lhings kccp happcning Lo mc. I havc Lwo daughLcrs, onc was born whcn I
was íiíLy. ThaL has changcd my liíc quiLc a biL. I íccl a loL youngcr Lhan I am.

CHOPRA
Thc morc you associaLc wiLh young pcoplc, Lhc morc you will respond to that
biological cxprcssion.

WRIGHT
Dr. Chopra, you suggcsL vicwing our bodics írom Lhc pcrspccLivc oí quanLum
physics. ThaL sccms somcwhaL Lcchnical. Will you Lcll us a liLLlc biL morc abouL
LhaL`

CHOPRA
You see, on one level, your body is madc up oí ílcsh and bonc. ThaL's Lhc
maLcrial lcvcl buL wc know Loday LhaL cvcryLhing wc considcr maLLcr is born oí
cncrgy and iníormaLion. By sLarLing Lo Lhink oí our bodics as ncLworks oí cncrgy
iníormaLion and cvcn inLclligcncc, wc bcgin Lo shiíL our pcrspccLivc. Wc don'L
Lhink oí our bodics so much as dcnsc maLLcr, buL as vibraLions oí consciousncss.
Fvcn Lhough iL sounds Lcchnical, cvcryonc has had an cxpcricncc wiLh Lhis so-
callcd quanLum body. AíLcr, íor cxamplc, you do an inLcnsc workouL, you íccl a
scnsc oí cncrgy in your body—a Lingling scnsaLion. You'rc acLually cxpcricncing
whaL ancicnL wisdom LradiLions call Lhc ¨viLal íorcc." Thc morc you pay aLLcnLion
Stepping Stones to Success

120

Lo Lhis viLal íorcc insidc your body, Lhc morc you will cxpcricncc iL as cncrgy,
iníormaLion, and inLclligcncc, and Lhc morc conLrol you will havc ovcr iLs
cxprcssions.

WRIGHT
Docs DNA havc anyLhing Lo do wiLh LhaL`

CHOPRA
DNA is Lhc sourcc oí cvcryLhing in our body. DNA is likc Lhc languagc LhaL
crcaLcs Lhc molcculcs oí our bodics. DNA is likc a proLcin-making íacLory, buL DNA
docsn'L givc us Lhc blucprinL. Whcn I build a housc, I havc Lo go Lo Lhc íacLory Lo
íind Lhc bricks, buL having Lhc bricks is noL cnough. I nccd Lo gcL an archiLccL, who
in his or hcr consciousncss can crcaLc LhaL blucprinL. And LhaL blucprinL cxisLs
only in your spiriL and consciousncss—in your soul.

WRIGHT
I was inLcrcsLcd in a sLaLcmcnL írom your book. You said LhaL pcrccpLions
crcaLc rcaliLy. WhaL pcrccpLions musL wc changc in ordcr Lo rcvcrsc our biological
imagc`

CHOPRA
You havc Lo changc Lhrcc pcrccpLions. FirsL you havc Lo gcL rid oí Lhc
pcrccpLions oí aging iLsclí. MosL pcoplc bclicvc LhaL aging mcans discasc and
iníirmiLics. You havc Lo changc LhaL. You havc Lo rcgard aging as an opporLuniLy
íor pcrsonal growLh and spiriLual growLh. You also havc Lo rcgard iL as an
opporLuniLy Lo cxprcss Lhc wisdom oí your cxpcricncc and an opporLuniLy Lo hclp
oLhcrs and liíL Lhcm írom ordinary and mundanc cxpcricncc Lo Lhc kind oí
cxpcricnccs you arc capablc oí bccausc you havc much morc cxpcricncc Lhan Lhcy
do.
Thc sccond Lhing you havc Lo changc your pcrccpLion oí is your physical body.
You have to start Lo cxpcricncc iL as iníormaLion and cncrgy—as a ncLwork oí
iníormaLion and inLclligcncc.
Deepak Chopra

121

Thc Lhird Lhing you havc Lo changc your pcrccpLion on is Lhc cxpcricncc oí
dying. Ií you arc Lhc kind oí pcrson who is consLanLly running ouL oí Limc, you will
conLinuc Lo run ouL oí Limc. On Lhc oLhcr hand, ií you havc a loL oí Limc, and ií you
do cvcryLhing wiLh gusLo and lovc and passion, Lhcn you will losc Lrack oí Limc.
Whcn you losc Lrack oí Limc, your body docs noL mcLabolizc LhaL cxpcricncc.

WRIGHT
That is intcrcsLing. Pcoplc who Lcach Limc managcmcnL don'L rcally Lcach Lhc
passion.

CHOPRA
No, no. Timc managcmcnL is such a rcsLricLion oí Limc. Your biological clock
sLarLs Lo agc much morc rapidly. I Lhink whaL you havc Lo rcally do is livc your liíc
wiLh passion so LhaL Limc docsn'L mcan anyLhing Lo you.

WRIGHT
ThaL's a conccpL I'vc ncvcr hcard.

CHOPRA
Wcll, Lhcrc you arc.

WRIGHT
You spcnd an cnLirc chapLcr oí your book on dccp rcsL as an imporLanL parL oí
Lhc rcvcrsal oí Lhc aging proccss. WhaL is ¨dccp rcsL"`

CHOPRA
Onc oí Lhc mosL imporLanL mcchanisms íor rcncwal and survival is slccp. Ií you
dcprivc an animal oí slccp, Lhcn iL agcs vcry íasL and dics prcmaLurcly. Wc livc in a
culLurc whcrc mosL oí our populaLion has Lo rcsorL Lo slccping pills and
Lranquilizcrs in ordcr Lo slccp. ThaL docsn'L bring naLural rcjuvcnaLion and
rcncwal. You know LhaL you havc had a good nighL's slccp whcn you wakc up in Lhc
morning, íccling rcncwcd, invigoraLcd, and rcírcshcd—likc a baby docs. So LhaL's
Stepping Stones to Success

122

onc kind oí dccp rcsL. ThaL comcs írom dccp slccp and írom naLural slccp. In Lhc
book I Lalk abouL how you go abouL making surc you gcL LhaL.
Thc sccond dccp rcsL comcs írom Lhc cxpcricncc oí mcdiLaLion, which is Lhc
abiliLy Lo quicL your mind so you sLill your inLcrnal dialoguc. Whcn your internal
dialoguc is sLill, Lhcn you cnLcr inLo a sLagc oí dccp rcsL. Whcn your mind is
agiLaLcd, your body is unablc Lo rcsL.

WRIGHT
I havc always hcard oí pcoplc who had bad cycsighL and rcally didn'L rcalizc iL
unLil Lhcy wcnL Lo Lhc docLor and wcrc íiLLcd íor lcnscs. I had LhaL samc cxpcricncc
somc ycars ago. For scvcral ycars I had noL rcally cnjoycd Lhc dccp slccp you'rc
Lalking abouL. Thc docLor diagnoscd mc wiLh slccp apnca. Now I slccp likc a baby,
and iL makcs a Lrcmcndous diíícrcncc.

CHOPRA
Oí coursc iL docs. You now havc cncrgy and Lhc abiliLy Lo conccnLraLc and do
Lhings.

WRIGHT
Dr. Chopra, how much do caLing habiLs havc Lo do wiLh aging` Can wc changc
and rcvcrsc our biological agc by whaL wc caL`

CHOPRA
Ycs, you can. Onc oí Lhc mosL imporLanL Lhings Lo rcmcmbcr is LhaL ccrLain
Lypcs oí íoods acLually conLain anLi-aging compounds. Thcrc arc many chcmicals
LhaL arc conLaincd in ccrLain íoods LhaL havc an anLi-aging cííccL. MosL oí Lhcsc
chcmicals arc dcrivcd írom lighL. Thcrc's no way Lo boLLlc Lhcm—there are no pills
you can Lakc LhaL will givc you Lhcsc chcmicals. BuL Lhcy'rc conLaincd in planLs
LhaL arc rich in color and dcrivcd írom phoLosynLhcsis. AnyLhing LhaL is ycllow,
grccn, and rcd or has a loL oí color, such as íruiLs and vcgcLablcs, conLain a loL oí
Lhcsc vcry powcríul anLi-aging chcmicals.
In addiLion, you havc Lo bc carcíul noL Lo puL íood in your body LhaL is dcad or
has no liíc cncrgy. So anyLhing LhaL comcs in a can or has a labcl, qualiíics íor LhaL.
Deepak Chopra

123

You havc Lo cxposc your body Lo six LasLcs: swccL, sour, salL, biLLcr, pungcnL, and
asLringcnL bccausc Lhosc arc Lhc codcs oí inLclligcncc LhaL allow us Lo acccss Lhc
dccp inLclligcncc oí naLurc. NaLurc and whaL shc givcs Lo us in bounLy is acLually
cxpcricnccd Lhrough Lhc scnsc oí LasLc. In íacL, Lhc lighL chcmicals—the anti-aging
subsLanccs in íood—crcaLc Lhc six LasLcs.

WRIGHT
Somc Limc ago, I was Lalking Lo onc oí Lhc ladics in your oííicc and shc scnL mc
an inviLaLion Lo a symposium LhaL you had in Caliíornia. I was rcally inLcrcsLcd.
Thc LiLlc was Exploring the Reality of Soul.

CHOPRA
Wcll, I conducLcd Lhc symposium, buL wc had somc oí Lhc world's scicnLisLs,
physicisLs, and biologisLs who wcrc doing rcscarch in whaL is callcd, non-local
inLclligcncc—Lhc inLclligcncc oí soul or spiriL. You could say iL is Lhc inLclligcncc
LhaL orchcsLraLcs Lhc acLiviLy oí Lhc univcrsc—Cod, íor cxamplc. Scicncc and
spiriLualiLy arc now mccLing LogcLhcr bccausc by undcrsLanding how naLurc works
and how Lhc laws oí naLurc work, wc'rc bcginning Lo gcL a glimpsc oí a dccpcr
inLclligcncc LhaL pcoplc in spiriLual LradiLions call divinc, or Cod. I Lhink Lhis is a
wondcríul Limc Lo cxplorc spiriLualiLy Lhrough scicncc.

WRIGHT
Shc also scnL mc biographical iníormaLion oí Lhc scvcn scicnLisLs LhaL wcrc
wiLh you. I havc ncvcr rcad a lisL oí scvcn morc noLcd pcoplc in Lhcir indusLry.

CHOPRA
Thcy arc. Thc dirccLor oí Lhc Max Planck InsLiLuLc, in Bcrlin, Ccrmany, whcrc
quanLum physics was discovcrcd was Lhcrc. Dr. Crossam was a proícssor oí physics
aL Lhc UnivcrsiLy oí Orcgon, and hc Lalkcd abouL Lhc quanLum crcaLiviLy oí dcaLh
and Lhc survival oí conscious aíLcr dcaLh. IL was an cxLraordinary group oí pcoplc.

Stepping Stones to Success

124

WRIGHT
Dr. Chopra, wiLh our Stepping Stones to Success book wc'rc Lrying Lo cncouragc
pcoplc Lo bc bcLLcr, livc bcLLcr, and bc morc íulíillcd by lisLcning Lo Lhc cxamplcs
oí our gucsL auLhors. Is Lhcrc anyLhing or anyonc in your liíc who has madc a
diíícrcncc íor you and has hclpcd you Lo bccomc a bcLLcr pcrson`

CHOPRA
Thc mosL imporLanL pcrson in my liíc was my íaLhcr. Fvcry day hc askcd
himsclí, ¨WhaL can I do in LhoughL, word, and dccd Lo nurLurc cvcry rclaLionship I
cncounLcr jusL íor Loday`" ThaL has livcd wiLh mc íor my cnLirc liíc.

WRIGHT
WhaL do you Lhink makcs up a grcaL mcnLor` Arc Lhcrc characLcrisLics mcnLors
sccm Lo havc in common`

CHOPRA
I Lhink Lhc mosL imporLanL aLLribuLc oí a grcaL mcnLor is LhaL hc or shc Lcachcs
by cxamplc and noL ncccssarily Lhrough words.

WRIGHT
Whcn you considcr Lhc choiccs you'vc madc down Lhrough Lhc ycars, has íaiLh
playcd an imporLanL rolc`

CHOPRA
I Lhink morc Lhan íaiLh, curiosiLy, wondcr, a scnsc oí rcícrcncc, and humiliLy
has. Now, ií you wanL Lo call LhaL íaiLh, Lhcn, ycs iL has.

WRIGHT
In a divinc bcing`

CHOPRA
In a grcaLcr inLclligcncc—inLclligcncc LhaL is suprcmc, iníiniLc, unboundcd,
and Loo mysLcrious íor Lhc íiniLc mind Lo comprchcnd.

Deepak Chopra

125

WRIGHT
Ií you could havc a plaLíorm and Lcll our audicncc somcLhing you íccl would
hclp Lhcm and cncouragc Lhcm, whaL would you say`

CHOPRA
I would say LhaL Lhcrc arc many Lcchniqucs LhaL comc Lo us írom ancicnL
wisdom and LradiLion LhaL allow us Lo Lap inLo our inncr rcsourccs and allow us Lo
bccomc bcings who havc inLuiLion, crcaLiviLy, vision, and a connccLion Lo LhaL
which is sacrcd. Finding LhaL wiLhin oursclvcs, wc havc Lhc mcans Lo cnhancc our
wcll-bcing. WhcLhcr iL's physical, cmoLional, or cnvironmcnLal, wc havc Lhc mcans
Lo rcsolvc conílicLs and gcL rid oí war. Wc havc Lhc mcans Lo bc rcally hcalLhy. Wc
havc Lhc mcans íor bcing cconomically upliíLcd. ThaL knowlcdgc is Lhc mosL
imporLanL knowlcdgc LhaL cxisLs.

WRIGHT
I havc sccn you on scvcral primcLimc Lclcvision shows down Lhrough Lhc ycars
whcrc you havc had Lhc Limc Lo cxplain your Lhcorics and bclicís. How docs
somconc likc mc cxpcricncc Lhis` Do wc gcL iL ouL oí books`

CHOPRA
Books arc Lools LhaL oíícr you a road map. SiL down cvcry day, closc your cycs,
puL your aLLcnLion in your hcarL, and ask yoursclí Lwo qucsLions: who am I and
whaL do I wanL` Thcn mainLain a shorL pcriod oí sLillncss in body and mind as in
praycr or mcdiLaLion, and Lhc door will opcn.

WRIGHT
So, you Lhink LhaL Lhc inLclligcncc comcs írom wiLhin. Do all oí us havc LhaL
capaciLy`

CHOPRA
Fvcry child born has LhaL capaciLy.

WRIGHT
ThaL's íascinaLing. So, iL docsn'L Lakc Lrickcry or anyLhing likc LhaL`
Stepping Stones to Success

126

CHOPRA
No, iL says in Lhc Biblc in Lhc book oí Psalms, ¨Bc sLill and know LhaL I am
Cod"—Psalm 46:l0.

WRIGHT
ThaL's grcaL advicc.
I rcally do apprcciaLc your bcing wiLh us Loday. You arc íascinaLing. I wish I
could Lalk wiLh you íor Lhc rcsL oí Lhc aíLcrnoon. I'm ccrLain I am onc oí millions
who would likc Lo do LhaL!

CHOPRA
Thank you, sir. IL was a plcasurc Lo Lalk wiLh you!

WRIGHT
Today wc havc bccn Lalking wiLh Dr. Dccpak Chopra, íoundcr oí Thc Chopra
CcnLcr. Hc has bccomc Lhc íorcmosL pionccr in inLcgraLcd mcdicinc. Wc havc
íound Loday LhaL hc rcally knows whaL hc's Lalking abouL. AíLcr rcading his book,
Grow Younger, Live Longer: 10 Steps to Reverse Aging, I can Lcll you LhaL I highly
rccommcnd iL. I ccrLainly hopc you'll go ouL Lo your íavoriLc book sLorc and buy a
copy.
Dr. Chopra, Lhank you so much íor bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to
Success.

CHOPRA
Thank you íor having mc, David.
127

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
DFFPAK CHOPRA has wriLLcn morc Lhan íiíLy books, which havc bccn
LranslaLcd inLo many languagcs. Hc is also ícaLurcd on many audio and
vidcoLapc scrics, including íivc criLically acclaimcd programs on public
Lclcvision. Hc has also wriLLcn novcls and cdiLcd collccLions oí spiriLual pocLry
írom India and Pcrsia. In 1999, Time magazinc sclccLcd Dr. Chopra as onc oí
Lhc Top l00 Icons and Hcrocs oí Lhc CcnLury, dcscribing him and ¨Lhc pocL-
prophcL oí alLcrnaLivc mcdicinc."


DR. DEEPAK CHOPRA
The Chopra Center
2013 Costa dcl Mar Rd.
Carlsbad, CA 92009
iníoøchopra.com
www.chopra.com

Stepping Stones to Success

128




129



C HA P T E R NI NE
SccrcLs oí HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Paula Eder
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc'rc Lalking wiLh Coach Paula Fdcr, PhD, ¨Thc Timc Findcr FxpcrL."
For morc Lhan LhirLy ycars, shc has LaughL soloprcncurs and small busincss
owncrs how Lo succcssíully align Lhcir Limc choiccs wiLh Lhcir liíc goals and
corc valucs. Paula is Lhc Foundcr oí Finding Timc, IIC, and crcaLor oí Lhc
Finding Timc HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL SysLcm. Through Lhis sysLcm,
shc mcnLors hcr clicnLs Lo addrcss Lhcir Limc managcmcnL challcngcs by
inLcgraLing Lhcir compassion, valucs, and problcm-solving abiliLics. Hcr cncrgy
and insighLs hclp busy pcoplc Lo makc auLhcnLic Limc choiccs LhaL lcad Lo
busincss and acadcmic succcss, pcrsonal growLh, vibranL hcalLh, and posiLivc
liíc changcs.
Paula, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.
PAULA (EDER)
Thank you vcry much, David. IL's a plcasurc Lo bc hcrc!
Stepping Stones to Success

130

WRIGHT
So, will you Lcll our rcadcrs whaL Lhc sLcps arc LhaL broughL you Lo bccomc
Thc Timc Findcr FxpcrL`

EDER
I ccrLainly will, David. Thanks íor asking. IL rcally bcgan íor mc whcn I was
vcry young. I lcarncd írom my íamily jusL how imporLanL iL was Lo puL cach
momcnL Lo iLs bcsL usc. Making cvcry minuLc counL was a valuc Lhcy puL inLo
pracLicc in all aspccLs oí liíc. I saw iL modclcd daily. So I lcarncd aL an carly agc
how Lo bc as producLivc as possiblc. And I'vc applicd and cxpandcd on Lhosc
lcssons LhroughouL my liíc.
Ovcr Lhc pasL íorLy ycars, I'vc workcd wiLh hundrcds oí individuals ranging
írom prcschool and clcmcnLary school childrcn Lo collcgc and graduaLc
sLudcnLs and adulLs. Through my work ovcr Lhc ycars, I'vc sccn Lhc diííiculLy
LhaL pcoplc oí all agcs can cncounLcr as Lhcy sLrivc Lo masLcr Limc challcngcs.
Now, Lhis may bc dcmonsLraLcd in a widc varicLy oí ways. Obviously, Lhc
prcschoolcr will maniícsL iL diíícrcnLly Lhan Lhc adulL. BuL ulLimaLcly,
everyonc's issucs in Lhis arca prcscnL diíícrcnL íaccs oí a univcrsal sLrugglc—
how Lo usc Limc mosL cííccLivcly. I camc Lo rcalizc LhaL Lhis Lopic, which had
íascinaLcd mc sincc childhood, was rcally a univcrsal issuc cxpcricnccd by
pcoplc in all walks oí liíc and aL all dcvclopmcnLal sLagcs. I rcalizcd LhaL I
passionaLcly wanLcd Lo hclp pcoplc makc dccply íulíilling Limc choiccs.
I'vc always bccn íascinaLcd by Limc. IL's likc a blank canvas! IL's purc
poLcnLial. And iL's also a vchiclc, in LhaL cvcry human cxpcricncc occurs wiLhin
Lhc íramc oí Limc.
3usL imaginc! AL Lhc samc momcnL whcn you or I mighL bc doing somcLhing
vcry mundanc or íundamcnLal likc caLing, somconc clsc in anoLhcr parL oí Lhc
world is cxpcricncing a dcaLh or a birLh. Hundrcds upon hundrcds oí proíound
and liíc-changing cvcnLs arc Laking placc around Lhc globc as wc makc our way
Lhrough cach oí our days. I íind LhaL synchroniciLy íascinaLing.
So clcarly, all cvcnLs arisc wiLhin Limc, and Limc holds cvcryLhing. As I oíLcn
say Lo Lhc pcoplc who work wiLh mc, ¨Thc way you usc your Limc is Lhc way you
livc your liíc!"
Paula Eder
!
131

WRIGHT
Paula, would you dcscribc Lhc íoundaLion oí your succcssíul approach Lo
Limc managcmcnL`

EDER
Thc íoundaLion oí my approach involvcs Lwo kcy componcnLs: Lhc LoLal
person, and Lhc LoLal packagc oí Limc managcmcnL skills LhaL I can providc.
FirsL, as a Lcachcr and mcnLor, I cngagc Lhc LoLal pcrson. This includcs Lhc
mind, Lhc body, and Lhc spiriL. I work wiLh cach pcrson's íull rangc oí poLcnLial,
coaching him or hcr Lo makc írcsh, powcríul, groundcd Limc choiccs. To
cncouragc sclí-rcícrcncc, I íocus on my clicnLs' inncr cncrgics in Lhis íirsL sLagc.
Thcy cxplorc and lcarn ways Lo lisLcn íor Lhcir voicc oí wisdom, and Lhcy
cxplorc and clariíy Lhcir inLcrnal valucs. This hclps pcople resolve inner
conílicLs, so LhaL Lhcy can crcaLc a susLaining vision oí whaL Lhcy wanL Lo work
íor.
OíLcn a grcaL dcal oí cncrgy is bound up in pcoplc's unrcsolvcd qucsLions
abouL whaL is Lruly mosL imporLanL. IL can Lakc couragc, compassion, and
persisLcncc Lo sLay wiLh Lhcsc qucsLions! BuL as my clicnLs work Loward íinding
Lhcir uniquc answcrs, and as ccnLral prioriLics cmcrgc, an cnormous amounL oí
viLaliLy is rclcascd! Pcoplc rcporL LhaL Lhcy íccl ¨morc likc Lhcmsclvcs," and oí
coursc Lhis is vcry inspiring.
I mcnLioncd Lhc idca oí cngaging Lhc LoLal pcrson. I considcr Lhis Lo bc vcry
imporLanL, and I'd likc Lo cxplain how ¨cngaging Lhc LoLal pcrson" bcncíiLs
Lhosc wiLh whom I work. Hcrc's an cxamplc:

l. Whcn I Lcach Limc managcmcnL skills Lo an individual or a group, I'm rcally
cngaging Lhcir minds or Lhcir cogniLion. Thcy dcvclop bcLLcr analyLical and
problcm-solving abiliLics, and can makc imporLanL dccisions morc
cííicicnLly and cííccLivcly.

2. Whcn I íocus on how clicnLs can Lakc cxccllcnL carc oí Lhcmsclvcs Lhrough
caLing hcalLhíully, cxcrcising, gcLLing cnough slccp, and dcvcloping sLrcss
managcmcnL skills, I'm rcally Lalking abouL Lhcir physical sclvcs. Pcoplc
íccl morc connccLcd wiLh Lhcmsclvcs as Lhcy work on Lhis arca, and Lhcy
Lakc mcasurcs Lo avoid burnouL.
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132

3. Whcn I rcícr Lo Lhc hcarL, I'm Lalking abouL Lhc spiriLual componcnLs and
aLLribuLcs oí our human sclvcs. Thcsc arc capaciLics LhaL can hclp kccp
people resilient and open, even in thc harshcsL oí circumsLanccs. For
cxamplc, by cncouraging Lhosc I work wiLh Lo íocus on compassion and
graLiLudc, I hclp Lhcm dcvclop and rcíinc Lhcir hcarL-based, spiritual
cncrgy. This is somcLhing LhaL can dccpcn cach and cvcry momcnL, and
that no person or circumsLancc can cvcr Lakc away írom Lhcm!

In my work, I gradually inLroducc my clicnLs Lo ncw challcngcs LhaL Lhcy can
cmbracc using Lhcir dcvcloping rangc oí skills and cncrgics. To do Lhis, Lhcy
sclccL írom Lhc ¨LoLal packagc" oí skills and sLrcngLhs LhaL I Lcach íor cííccLivc
Limc managcmcnL.
My approach is organic and LoLally individualizcd. No Lwo clicnLs usc Lhc
rangc oí Lools I oíícr in quiLc Lhc samc way. WhaL dcvclops as our work uníolds
is a íascinaLing cxploraLion oí whaL makcs individuals the people they are, and
Lhcn an cqually íascinaLing cxploraLion oí how Lo carry Lhis wondcríul csscncc
inLo Lhc world in rcwarding ways. As pcoplc dirccLly cxpcricncc Lhcir powcr Lo
bc proacLivc, Lhcy dcvclop a wholc ncw undcrsLanding oí and rclaLionship wiLh
Limc. As Lhcy lcarn Lo cxcrcisc posiLivc conLrol ovcr Lhcir livcs, Limc's poLcnLials
bccomc vasLly morc inLcrcsLing.
Thcrc can bc many plcasanL surpriscs along Lhc way! Taking onc sLcp aL a
Limc, pcoplc lcarn how Lo saícly cxplorc bcyond Lhcir comíorL zoncs, moving
pasL ícars and bclicís LhaL havc bccomc rcsLricLivc. Thcn, as Lhcy validaLc
Lhcmsclvcs wiLh cach succcss, Lhcir scnsc oí whaL Lhcy can accomplish grows
and grows. OíLcn, pcoplc lack coníidcncc bccausc Lhcy havcn'L ycL lcarncd how
to sustain Lhcir bcsL cííorLs. I hclp pcoplc rcíramc sclí-disciplinc as a way Lo say
¨ycs!" Lo Lhcir Lop prioriLics wiLh sLrcngLh and consisLcncy.
I lovc sccing Lhc ways LhaL making progrcss in onc arca rcawakcns
cnLhusiasm íor vcry diíícrcnL challcngcs in oLhcr arcas! SomcLimcs, in Lhc
proccss oí Lhcir work, pcoplc rcclaim drcams Lhcy had scL asidc long ago,
bccausc Lhcy havc now dcvclopcd Lhc skills Lo movc íorward.

Paula Eder
!
133

WRIGHT
InLcrcsLing! Paula, whaL arc Lhc avcnucs you usc Lo Lcach HcarL-Bascd Timc
ManagcmcnL`

EDER
I work wiLh pcoplc Lo hclp Lhcm lcarn Lo Lap Lhc powcr oí Lhcir mind, body,
and spiriL in a widc varicLy oí ways. AíLcr working oíí-linc íor íorLy ycars, I
dccidcd scvcral ycars ago LhaL I rcally wanLcd Lo cxLcnd Lhc bcncíiLs oí my
pracLicc and cxpcricncc Lo morc pcoplc Lhrough working onlinc, as wcll. My
onlinc work builds on Lhc íoundaLion oí my coaching pracLicc and includcs Lclc-
classcs, my Timc Findcr blog, arLiclcs, and Limc-rclaLcd producLs. As I cxpand
my work, iL conLinucs Lo includc pcrsonal conLacL wiLh pcoplc, Loo. IL's noL jusL
a maLLcr oí saying, ¨Hcrc, you can rcad Lhis arLiclc, and LhaL will answcr your
qucsLion." I work wiLh pcoplc individually, in small groups, and in largc groups,
cmploying a varicLy oí Lcchniqucs Lo hclp Lhcm succccd in ways Lhcy wanL Lo
succccd.
I cnvision my ¨LoLal packagc" oí scrviccs as a buíícL—you havc many choiccs
Lo sclccL írom. Somc sclccL whaL appcals Lo Lhcm írom many Lablcs. OLhcrs
graviLaLc Lo jusL onc plaLLcr.
So iL is wiLh Lhc work I do. Onc pcrson mighL say, ¨I jusL wanL Lo lcarn Limc
managcmcnL skills." And LhaL would bc íinc. AnoLhcr mighL say, ¨I rcally wanL
Lhc LoLal packagc." In LhaL casc, wc would work wiLh all Lhc componcnLs oí Lhc
HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL SysLcm. Bccausc Lhc work sLimulaLcs people’s
appcLiLcs íor ncw challcngcs, clicnLs oíLcn rcLurn Lo sclccL morc and morc írom
Lhc buíícL!
So, my pracLicc includcs quiLc a rangc oí acLiviLics and Lypcs oí
cngagcmcnLs. I may work scqucnLially wiLh somc pcoplc, hclping Lhcm crcaLc a
scrics oí acLion sLcps íor a complcx challcngc. And I may hclp oLhcrs honc in on
onc íaccL oí Lhc program. FiLhcr way, an opcn-cndcd approach lcads Lo many
morc bcncíiLs Lhan pcoplc can cvcr imaginc aL Lhc ouLscL!
I'vc mcnLioncd inncr and ouLcr cncrgics, and I'll sharc morc abouL LhaL in a
momcnL. Thcy work LogcLhcr in cach aspccL oí Lhc HcarL-Bascd Timc
ManagcmcnL SysLcm. Thc SysLcm iLsclí includcs six modulcs:

Stepping Stones to Success

134

1. Skills,
2. Self-care,
3. Energy,
4. Values,
5. Vision, and
6. Relating to change and transition.

To clariíy how inncr and ouLcr cncrgics work in unison, I usc Lhc analogy oí
Lhcsc modulcs bcing likc six spokcs oí a whccl. Thc ccnLcr oí Lhc whccl, or Lhc
hub, is rcally Lhc mcLaphor íor Lhc csscncc oí Lhc sclí, or Lhc hcarL. Thc rim is
abouL Lhc ouLcr momcnLum, groundcdncss, movcmcnL, and acLualizaLion. And
Lhc sLrcngLh and inLcgriLy oí all Lhc spokcs hclps Lo kccp Lhc whccl rolling.
Fach modulc can bc íully inLcgraLcd inLo Lhc currcnL work a pcrson is doing,
or onc can work Lhc program in iLs cnLircLy. It totally depends upon the needs
oí cach individual and whcrc hc or shc is aL a spcciíic poinL in Limc. And oí
coursc, iL gocs wiLhouL saying LhaL somc pcriods oí our livcs arc casicr Lhan
oLhcrs! WhcLhcr wc likc iL or noL, currcnL siLuaLions can Lakc ccnter stage and
wc adapL Lhc work wc do accordingly.

WRIGHT
WhaL arc somc uniquc ways LhaL Lhc Finding Timc HcarL-Bascd Timc
ManagcmcnL SysLcm hclps pcoplc succcssíully coníronL Lhc challcngcs oí Lough
Limcs`

EDER
Wcll, David, wc ccrLainly arc having Lough Limcs now, so many cxamplcs
spring Lo mind whcn you raisc LhaL qucsLion! As I mcnLioncd carlicr, I íccl
dccply commiLLcd Lo hclping pcoplc cnhancc Lhcir innaLc sLrcngLhs and
discovcr Lhcir own wisdom. Thrcc oí Lhc mosL imporLanL Lhings I do in Lhis
spcciíic arca arc Lo Lcach pcoplc how Lo bccomc proacLivc, how Lo bc groundcd
in Lhc momcnL, and how Lo rcducc sLrcss íor Lhcmsclvcs.
In Lough Limcs, pcoplc can gcL írcnzicd and íall inLo panic modc. Thc morc
sLrcsscd Lhcy bccomc, Lhc morc LcmpLcd pcoplc may bc Lo simply grasp íor any
answcr. YcL Lhc ulLimaLc answcrs Lo our mosL prcssing qucsLions and
Paula Eder
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135

challcngcs usually lic wiLhin, and Lhcy arc arrivcd aL Lhrough an organic
proccss. So I cncouragc pcoplc Lo Lurn inward so LhaL Lhcy can acccss and lcarn
to trust Lhcir own answcrs.
I also suggcsL LhaL pcoplc work wiLh a communiLy oí likc-mindcd íolks. I
havc lcarncd LhaL Lhis is so imporLanL! Through Lhc ycars, I havc had Lhc
plcasurc oí íaciliLaLing scvcral ongoing groups. Fvcry onc oí Lhcm has bccn
uniquc, wiLh a spccial paLLcrn oí growLh and cvoluLion. I bring my cxpcricncc
írom Lhcsc Lo my Lclc-classcs. All oí my wcckly and monLhly coaching groups
dcvclop a spccial scnsc oí communiLy. This is Lhc kind oí cxpcricncc I'd
rccommcnd Lo anyonc íacing diííiculL challcngcs.
Thcrc arc ccrLain qualiLics LhaL all cohcsivc groups sharc. Fach parLicipanL
providcs supporL and íccdback. OLhcrs can ask clariíying qucsLions and sharc
whaL works íor Lhcm. Oíícrs oí hclp and somcLimcs concrcLc connccLions wiLh
oLhcrs, likc accounLabiliLy buddics, can cmcrgc írom Lhcsc cxchangcs. I scc Lhc
crcaLion and nurLuring oí a LrusLcd communiLy oí supporL as a íundamcnLal
rcsourcc LhaL can hclp pcoplc in all circumsLanccs, buL cspccially in Lough
Limcs. For mc LhaL's probably Lhc hcarL oí iL.
I also hclp moLivaLcd individuals crcaLc cusLomizcd, pcrsonal Limc
paradigms. Thcsc arc Limc guidcs LhaL I co-crcaLc wiLh clicnLs Lo hclp Lhcm
align Lhcir Limc choiccs wiLh Lhcir valucs and Lhcir visions oí whaL Lhcy would
likc Lo accomplish. Oncc Lhcy'vc crcaLcd Lhcir Limc paradigm, Lhcy posscss Lhc
spcciíic Lools and acLion sLcps Lo movc írom whcrc Lhcy arc Lo whcrc Lhcy wanL
Lo bc.
I rcmind my clicnLs LhaL Lough Limcs can bc caLalysLs íor dcvcloping ncw
sLrcngLhs and lcLLing go oí whaL is noL csscnLial. Iikc pcoplc aL sca in a Lcrriblc
sLorm, pcoplc oíLcn íccl írccr aíLcr Lhcy rid Lhcmsclvcs oí noncsscnLials LhaL
wcigh Lhcm down and hampcr Lhcir abiliLy Lo mancuvcr and rcspond Lo
changing circumsLanccs. DiííiculL as Lhc cxpcricncc can bc, scvcral clicnLs oí
minc now aííirm LhaL criscs Lhcy succcssíully wcaLhcrcd, using my proccss,
broughL Lhcm Lo ncw and íar morc rcwarding ways Lo livc.
As you can scc, David, Lhcrc arc many diíícrcnL mcLhods I usc Lo hclp pcoplc
go Lhrough Lough Limcs succcssíully and cmcrgc wiLh addcd skills, incrcascd
supporL, and dccpcr coníidcncc in Lhcmsclvcs.
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136

No maLLcr whaL Lhc individual sLorics, Lhcsc posiLivc ouLcomcs growing ouL
oí Lough Limcs íorm a broad arc oí progrcss LhaL I havc bccn privilcgcd Lo
wiLncss Limc and again.

WRIGHT
Paula, whaL arc Lhc spcciíic ways LhaL Lhc HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL
SysLcm cxpands possibiliLics íor living a íulíillcd liíc`

EDER
Thcrc arc a numbcr oí spcciíic ways LhaL Lhc HcarL-Bascd Timc
ManagcmcnL SysLcm can hclp somconc livc a íulíillcd liíc. As I mcnLioncd, Lhc
sysLcm is organic and individualizcd, according Lo cach clicnL's spcciíic
challcngcs and goals. Think oí Lhc six-spokc whccl I rcícrrcd Lo carlicr. Fach
spokc musL bc sLrong Lo supporL Lhc inLcgriLy oí Lhc cnLirc whccl, ycL Lhe
conLcnL oí cach pcrson's parLicular spokcs is highly pcrsonal and uniquc. So my
HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL SysLcm íocuscs on sLrcngLhcning cvcry spokc
(skills, sclí-carc, cncrgy, valucs, vision, and rclaLing Lo changc and LransiLion)
íor Lhc parLicular pcrson wiLh whom I am working.
Ií I workcd wiLh you, íor cxamplc, I would cusLomizc Lhc paradigm Lo hclp
you livc Lhc liíc LhaL will bc mosL íulíilling Lo you pcrsonally. Wc could cxplorc
boLh your cxLcrnal and inLcrnal valucs, and I would cncouragc you Lo makc
Limc choiccs LhaL arc íully congrucnL wiLh your valucs. Onc Lhing LhaL oíLcn
happcns as a parL oí Lhis proccss is LhaL you mighL discovcr and lcL go oí
conílicLing goals LhaL arc ¨lcíLovcrs" írom oLhcr pcriods oí your liíc. ThaL, in
iLsclí, can írcc up quiLc a biL oí cncrgy, as wcll as Limc!
This is a highly pracLical, as wcll as a spiriLual proccss. Bccoming clcar on
valucs and prioriLics is onc Lhing. Succcssíully puLLing Lhcm inLo acLion is
anoLhcr! WiLhin Lhis sysLcm, anoLhcr arca you could choosc Lo cxplorc mighL bc
cnhancing your abiliLy Lo crcaLc asscrLivc boundarics and lcarning Lo
communicaLc Lhcm cííccLivcly.
Through Lhc HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL SysLcm, I would also work Lo
hclp you dcvclop and usc validaLions, aííirmaLions, and graLiLudc on a daily
Paula Eder
!
137

basis. Thcsc simplc buL proíound cxcrciscs cmpowcr you Lo apprcciaLc yoursclí,
apprcciaLc oLhcrs, and íully occupy cvcry momcnL.

WRIGHT
So, whaL rolc docs crcaLing communiLy play in implcmcnLing and succccding
wiLh your uniquc Limc managcmcnL sysLcm`

EDER
Farlicr, I mcnLioncd how communiLy builds supporL in Lough Limcs.
CrcaLing communiLy also cnhanccs growLh and momcnLum as írcsh
opporLuniLics arisc. I Lhink iL's rcally íundamcnLal íor succcss. IL is possiblc íor
a pcrson Lo work and grow in a vacuum, buL whcn you'rc working wiLh oLher
pcoplc iL bccomcs a much íullcr cxpcricncc, crcaLing a syncrgy and a rcsonancc.
You can lcarn so much whcn you arc rccciving and giving supporL and íccdback.
Thcrc arc so many diíícrcnL pcrmuLaLions and coníiguraLions, including Lhc
possibiliLy oí working wiLh small groups wiLhin a largcr group or onc-on-one
wiLhin Lhc largcr group.
CommuniLy crcaLcs a íorum whcrc pcoplc dcvclop a common languagc
Lhrough Lhcir parLicipaLion. This crcaLcs a shorLcuL Lo undcrsLanding and hclps
íosLcr and Lhcn dccpcn connccLion. My group parLicipanLs somcLimcs dcscribc
Lhc communiLics Lhcy crcaLc as ¨lcarning labs." Hcrc you can cxpcrimcnL—try
Lhings ouL and gcL íccdback you can LrusL—in a saíc and supporLivc
cnvironmcnL.
Thc LransíormaLivc cncrgy oí Lhc group can'L bc undcrcsLimaLcd. IL movcs
pcoplc bcyond whcrc Lhcy could go on Lhcir own. As a íaciliLaLor íor íorLy ycars,
I havc bccn privilcgcd Lo wiLncss Lhis cxLraordinary syncrgy and movcmcnL
ovcr and ovcr.
Through communiLy, you crcaLc a saíc, rcspccLíul, supporLivc placc Lo
cxplorc ncLworking possibiliLics. IL providcs a powcríul anLidoLc Lo Lhc íccling
oí isolaLion, which can somcLimcs Lakc hold in our highly mobilc, íasL-paccd
agc. And such groups hclp aííirm whaL rcally maLLcrs, as pcoplc work Lo bring
their best selvcs Lo cach cncounLcr and chccr on cach oLhcr's cxploraLions and
risks.
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138

As pcoplc gain skill and coníidcncc, Lhcy don'L jusL ¨dcal wiLh" changc, Lhcy
íccl cmpowcrcd Lo iniLiaLc posiLivc changc! I lovc sccing how Lhcsc lcssons
LranslaLc inLo many succcssíully complcLcd projccLs in all arcas oí my clicnLs'
livcs!

WRIGHT
Paula, will you cxplain jusL how you hclp pcoplc succccd whcn Lhcy'rc
working on a long-Lcrm projccL`

EDER
I'd lovc Lo sharc somc spcciíics abouL how I work wiLh pcoplc around LhaL!
What geLs in Lhc way oí succcss wiLh long-Lcrm projccLs is coníusion ovcr
whcrc Lo sLarL, how Lo sLay íocuscd and mainLain momcnLum, and how Lo wrap
up Lhc work and bring iL Lo a succcssíul conclusion. IL's casy Lo íccl
ovcrwhclmcd and immobilizcd whcn Lrying Lo simulLancously hold and
navigaLc your way Lhrough somcLhing vcry largc, bcíorc you havc brokcn iL
down inLo managcablc picccs.
Onc way I hclp clicnLs kccp Lhcir cncrgy moving is by having Lhcm idcnLiíy
Lhcir ícar-bascd roadblocks. Fach sLagc oí an undcrLaking prcscnLs spcciíic
challcngcs. So, íor sLarLcrs, lcL's Lhink abouL how roadblocks can inLcrícrc wiLh
Lhc Lhrcc main sLagcs oí a long-Lcrm projccL.

• Thc íirsL sLagc (and challcngc) is gcLLing sLarLcd. OíLcn pcoplc íccl ambivalcnL
abouL bcginning. Pcrhaps Lhc projccL is noL oí Lhcir choosing, or pcrhaps Lhc
dcmands íccl ovcrwhclming. Whcncvcr ícclings arc mixcd, wc arc all LcmpLcd
Lo procrasLinaLc.
• In Lhc ncxL sLagc comcs Lhc challcngc oí sLaying íocuscd. This sLagc includcs
Lhc challcngc oí mainLaining momcnLum, Loo. Whcn schcduling, iL's hclpíul Lo
rcmcmbcr LhaL cach Lask in a big projccL dcmands iLs own spccial mcasurc oí
Limc and cncrgy. For cxamplc, Lhc cííorL, mindscL, and Limc íramc ncccssary
íor rcscarching arc vcry diíícrcnL írom Lhosc nccdcd íor wriLing or cdiLing.
Icarning Lo sLay íocuscd also involvcs lcarning how Lo ignorc disLracLions.
I cncouragc clicnLs Lo asscss Lhc cnvironmcnL in which Lhcy arc working. Is iL
as conducivc a scLLing as iL can bc` How can Lhcy prcparc in advancc Lo
íaciliLaLc Lhcir work` Will ccrLain prcparaLory riLuals cnablc Lhcm Lo sLcp inLo
Paula Eder
!
139

Lhcir work morc cííccLivcly` WhaL do Lhcy nccd Lo do Lo discouragc
inLcrrupLions`
• Thc Lhird sLagc and íinal challcngc is LhaL oí lcLLing go. How do you say
goodbyc Lo somcLhing you’ve put your heart and soul into—a projccL you'vc
workcd on íor a rcally long Limc` And how do you work Loward cxccllcncc
whilc avoiding Lhc piLíalls oí pcríccLionism` IL's a maLLcr oí lcarning abouL
whcn and how Lo sLop, whcn and how Lo lcL go, and ways Lo rccognizc whcn a
projccL is complcLc.

Thcrc arc loLs oí oLhcr Lhings LhaL comc inLo play whcn working on long-
Lcrm goals. For cxamplc, an imporLanL clcmcnL oí pacing oncsclí LhroughouL a
big projccL is working in harmony wiLh your pcrsonal biorhyLhms. IcL's say LhaL
you'rc a ¨morning pcrson." Thc bcsL Limc Lo schcdulc Lhc crcaLivc aspccLs oí a
projccL would bc in Lhc morning. Ií, by Lhc cnd oí Lhc day, you íccl lcss crcaLivc
and a biL lcss íocuscd, LhaL mighL bc Lhc bcsL Limc Lo do Lhc Lasks LhaL dcmand
lcss cncrgy and conccnLraLion.
Thcsc idcas arc applicablc Lo any kind oí projccL. Thcy cnhancc your abiliLy
Lo conccnLraLc, Lo bc producLivc, and Lo succccd.

WRIGHT
So, how do you work wiLh somconc who is vcry succcssíul and whosc biggcsL
Limc challcngc is simply working Loo much`

EDER
ThaL's a rcally good qucsLion bccausc iL's quiLc a common issuc. Thcrc arc
scvcral cííccLivc approachcs.
FirsL, I cncouragc my clicnLs Lo cxplorc, írom a non-judgmcnLal, ícclings-
bascd pcrspccLivc, whaL drivcs Lhis bchavior. I ask powcríul qucsLions likc,
¨WhaL arc your ícars abouL working lcss` WhaL makcs iL hard Lo sLop` WhaL
would iL look likc Lo work lcss`" And, ¨WhaL docs working kccp you from?”
Thcsc kinds oí qucsLions hclp crcaLc a íramc and a dirccLion íor ncw
undcrsLanding. Wc also cxplorc valucs—whaL valucs ciLhcr aren’t getting
acLualizcd or arc driving LhaL kind oí inLcnsc work cLhic`
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140

AnoLhcr arca LhaL can bc vcry íruiLíul and írccing Lo cxplorc is Lhc wholc
issuc oí íamily scripLs. OíLcn pcoplc carry a lcgacy oí inhcriLcd mcssagcs LhaL
conílicL wiLh Lhcir currcnL valucs. This can bc immobilizing. So I ask, ¨How do
you maniícsL Lhis conílicL Lhrough your Limc choiccs`" This noL only aííccLs
goals, iL also shapcs how pcoplc conccpLualizc Lhcir work and how Lhcy see
Lhcir rolc in iLs succcss.
I oíLcn usc an cnd-oí-liíc visualizaLion. IL is vcry powcríul Lo
compassionaLcly scc yoursclí aL Lhc cnd oí your liíc and Lo ask yoursclí, ¨Is Lhis
Lhc way LhaL I rcally wanLcd Lo bc` Am I saLisíicd wiLh my choiccs`" This
cxcrcisc hclps clariíy valucs and illuminaLcs whaL you scc as viLal. And Lhc grcaL
ncws is LhaL, sincc you arc sLill alivc, you havc Lhc opporLuniLy Lo makc
changcs!
As a pracLical adjuncL Lo Lhis valucs work, I cncouragc an cxploraLion oí
dclcgaLing. Dcvcloping dclcgaLion skills is íundamcnLally imporLanL íor Lhosc
who may bc working Loo much. Thc challcngc is lcLLing go oí conLrol and
allowing oLhcrs Lo hclp.
UlLimaLcly, Lhosc who havc losL Lhcmsclvcs in Lhcir work can íind
Lhcmsclvcs Lhrough Lhis hcarL-bascd cxploraLion. By aligning Lhcir Limc choiccs
wiLh Lhcir dccpcsL valucs, Lhcy írcc Lhcmsclvcs up Lo livc wiLh powcr and
inLcgriLy.

WRIGHT
In our íasL-paccd world, wc jugglc compcLing Limc prioriLics. How do you
hclp pcoplc succccd around LhaL`

EDER
ThaL's anoLhcr rcally good qucsLion. Ovcr Lhc coursc oí my íorLy ycars oí
Lcaching and coaching, I'vc sccn compcLing prioriLics bccomc a largcr issuc in
pcoplc's livcs. Thc Lypical qucsLion is, ¨WhaL happcns whcn everything íccls likc
the mosL imporLanL prioriLy`" In rcsponsc Lo LhaL, I mighL ask íocuscd
qucsLions likc, ¨WhaL would bc Lhc mosL imporLanL Lhing íor you Lo gcL donc in
Lhc ncxL Lcn minuLcs`" Thcn wc gradually cxLcnd Lhc Limc íramc ouL. ¨WhaL's
Paula Eder
!
141

Lhc imporLanL prioriLy íor you Loday or íor Lomorrow`" This way, Lhc largcr
prioriLics cmcrgc.
Bccausc oí Lhc íiniLcncss oí Limc, iL is csscnLial Lo rccognizc LhaL saying
¨ycs" Lo any acLiviLy usually rcquircs saying ¨no" Lo anoLhcr.
So Lo handlc prioriLics, look Lo your valucs. And oncc you clariíy your values,
your ncxL sLcp is Lo proLccL Lhcm wiLh cííccLivc boundarics. Finally, dclcgaLc
írcqucnLly and wcll.

WRIGHT
In your ¨Finding Timc HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL SysLcm," you Lalk
abouL how pcoplc crcaLc ncw rclaLionships wiLh Limc. Would you say morc
abouL Lhis`

EDER
I will, David. This is such a íundamcnLal qucsLion. Ií you wcrc Lo work wiLh
Lhc HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL SysLcm, you would dcvclop a uniquc
rclaLionship wiLh Limc as you camc Lo dirccLly cxpcricncc how every choicc is a
Limc choicc. Fvcry singlc Limc choicc LhaL you makc, no maLLcr how small or
largc iL may sccm, shapcs your ovcrall rclaLionship wiLh Limc. In Lhc samc way
LhaL Lhc qualiLy oí your pcrsonal rclaLionships dcpcnds on how LhoughLíul your
choiccs arc, Lhc qualiLy oí Lhc cncrgy you bring Lo making Limc choiccs aííccLs
your rclaLionship wiLh Limc (and Lhcrcíorc wiLh your own liíc)!
Your rclaLionship wiLh Limc bccomcs organic and inLcrnal as you dcvclop
sclí-inLimacy. I am noL Lalking abouL íranLically juggling clcmcnLs oí your liíc
LhaL you havc noL prioriLizcd. No, Lhis is abouL placing yoursclí in Lhc momcnL,
bcing íully prcscnL, and íccling and cxprcssing graLiLudc íor your cnvironmcnL,
your choiccs, and your liíc.
You deepen this relationship as you convcrL your bcsL Limc choiccs inLo
riLuals. Thcy promoLc your prioriLics and hclp saícguard your boundarics.
CrcaLing riLuals Lo bcgin or complcLc signiíicanL acLiviLics also hclps íramc Lhcir
rolc in your liíc.
Stepping Stones to Success

142

As you can scc, dcvcloping a rclaLionship wiLh Limc is inscparablc írom
dccpcning your rclaLionship wiLh yoursclí. By working Lo inLcgraLc and align
your valucs, you comc Lo apprcciaLc Lhc giíL oí liíc morc and morc proíoundly.
IL is a back and íorLh journcy. You Lravcl inward Lo align your values into a
hicrarchy oí prioriLics. Thcn you apply Lhosc prioriLics as Limc choiccs Lo your
daily liíc. As you do Lhis ovcr and ovcr, you dcvclop a congrucncc/sLcadíasLncss
LhaL is dccply saLisíying.

WRIGHT
So, whaL changcs occur in your clicnLs' approachcs Lo Limc and, Lhcrcíorc, in
Lhcir livcs, as Lhcy uLilizc your Limc managcmcnL Lools`

EDER
I rcally apprcciaLc Lhc cxpansivcncss oí Lhc qucsLion. As I'vc dcscribcd, Lhc
changcs arc boLh inLcrnal and cxLcrnal.
Thc cxLcrnal oncs arc Lhc casicsL Lo quanLiíy. For cxamplc, my clicnLs
inLcgraLc spcciíic skills such as idcnLiíying goals and inLcnLions, prioriLizing
acLiviLics, and convcrLing largc projccLs inLo a scqucncc oí workablc acLion
sLcps. Thcy crcaLc Lhcir opLimal working cnvironmcnL Lhrough csLablishing
boundarics. Thcsc boundarics hclp Lo íocus Lhcir own acLiviLics as wcll as
proLccL Lhcm írom ouLsidc dcmands and inLcrrupLions. To hclp Lhcm arLiculaLc
and maniícsL Lhcsc boundarics, Lhcy dcvclop asscrLivc communicaLion skills.
To understand the internal bcncíiLs oí my approach, lcL's rcLurn Lo Lhc issuc
oí valucs. I cmphasizc Lhis bccausc iL is oíLcn a LoLally ncw idca íor pcoplc Lo
work Lo dcvclop congrucncc bcLwccn Lhcir valucs and Lhcir Limc choiccs. IL's
Lhrough Lhis proccss LhaL my clicnLs bccomc much morc sclí-rcícrcnccd,
rcsponsiblc, and sclí-coníidcnL.
This dccp work crcaLcs a íundamcnLal shiíL in how Lhcy vicw Lhc world and
Lhcmsclvcs. Thcir dccision-making improvcs bccausc Lhcy undcrsLand abouL
Lhc íiniLcncss oí Limc. Thcy know dccp in Lhcir boncs LhaL changc is consLanL
and LhaL cvcryLhing Lhcy nccd is insidc. So Lhcy go inward and ask Lhcmsclvcs
Lhc imporLanL and challcnging qucsLions LhaL Lhcy mighL havc prcviously
avoidcd.
Paula Eder
!
143

As Lhcy dcvclop morc auLonomy, Lhcir approach Lo liíc bccomcs morc
uniíicd and lcss íragmcnLcd. This inLroduccs a spiriLual dcpLh and pcrspccLivc.
Incrcasingly, Lhosc I work wiLh acL írom a placc oí compassion and graLiLudc.
This, in Lurn, inílucnccs Lhc qualiLy oí Lhcir cncrgy and Lhcir rcsilicncc.
UlLimaLcly, iL is rcally a proccss oí dcvcloping maLuriLy and gaining wisdom.

WRIGHT
InLcrcsLing! I rcally do apprcciaLc your Laking Lhc Limc Lhis aíLcrnoon Lo
answcr Lhcsc qucsLions. I'vc lcarncd a loL abouL Lhc HcarL-Bascd Timc
ManagcmcnL SysLcm, and I'm surc LhaL our rcadcrs will, Loo. This will bc a grcaL
addiLion Lo our book.

EDER
Wcll, Lhank you. I rcally apprcciaLc bcing ablc Lo sharc all LhaL I did.

WRIGHT
Today, wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh Coach Paula Fdcr, Thc Timc Findcr FxpcrL.
Shc is Lhc íoundcr oí Finding Timc, IIC, and Lhc crcaLor oí Lhc HcarL-Based
Timc ManagcmcnL SysLcm. Paula mcnLors hcr clicnLs Lo inLcgraLc mind, body,
and spiriL in addrcssing Lhcir Limc managcmcnL challcngcs. Hcr passion is
hclping busy pcoplc makc auLhcnLic Limc choiccs LhaL movc Lhcm Loward
succcss, pcrsonal growLh, vibranL hcalLh, and posiLivc liíc changcs.
Paula, Lhank you so much íor bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to
Success.

EDER
You'rc wclcomc, David. IL's bccn my plcasurc.
144

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
Paula Eder, ¨Thc Timc Findcr FxpcrL," is Lhc íoundcr oí Finding Timc
IIC and Lhc crcaLor oí Lhc HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL SysLcm. Known íor
her inLcgriLy, compassion, abiliLy Lo solvc problcms, and hcr ícrvor íor Lcaching
and lcarning, Paula is íascinaLcd wiLh Limc and iLs abiliLy Lo hold Lhc mosL
proíound momcnLs and Lhc mosL mundanc momcnLs simulLancously. Iiving
on a working íarm íor ovcr LhirLy ycars, shc is íundamcnLally connccLcd Lo Limc
Lhrough Lhc viLaliLy and rcsilicncy oí Lhc scasons. Paula sharcs hcr liíc wiLh hcr
husband, Lwo caLs, and Lwo dogs, and lovcs Lo spcnd Limc walking, gardcning,
and rcading.


PAULA EDER, PHD
PO Box l57
FranccsLown, NH 03043
(603) 547-6696
paulaøLhcLimcíindcr.com
www.ThcTimcFindcr.com
www.FindingTimc.ncL




145



C HA P T E R T E N
Social Mcdia and Sclí-FmpowcrmcnL
Tools íor Succcss
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Kathy Perry
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc arc Lalking wiLh KaLhy Pcrry who is a proícssional spcakcr,
auLhor, mcnLor, coach, and social mcdia spccialisL. Shc is Lhc Foundcr oí
iWomanIiíc.com, a social ncLworking siLc connccLing womcn cvcrywhcrc Lo
sharc, nurLurc, and lcarn. Shc is also Lhc Foundcr oí
PcakPcríormanccWomcn.com, a rcsourcc on cnhancing body, mind, and spiriL.
Shc lcads and moLivaLcs womcn cnLrcprcncurs and proícssionals who wanL
Lo grow Lhcir busincsscs whilc growing Lhcir livcs. KaLhy hclps Lhcm Lravcrsc
Lhc social mcdia mazc and also assisLs Lhcm in crcaLing a vibranL busincss and
living an cmpowcrcd liíc. KaLhy has crcaLcd sclí-cmpowcrmcnL Lools Lo usc
whcn mcnLoring and coaching clicnLs. Hcr book, Reality TV & You—8 Secrets to
Being the Director in Your Life’s Reality TV Show using the Law of Attraction,
illusLraLcs how Lhc cmoLional choiccs wc makc crcaLc our livcs. KaLhy climbcd
Stepping Stones to Success

146

Lhc corporaLc laddcr Lo Vicc PrcsidcnL oí Salcs and MarkcLing in Lcchnology
prior Lo launching hcr own busincss, and hcr Lcrricr-likc dcLcrminaLion and
never-give-up-aLLiLudc is Lhc driving íorcc LhaL propcls hcr Lo succcss.
KaLhy Pcrry, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

KATHY PERRY (PERRY)
Thank you so much, David.

WRIGHT
So iL looks likc you do a loL oí work wiLh womcn wiLh a social ncLworking
siLc íor womcn aL iWomanIiíc.com and you also havc a rcsourcc siLc íor
womcn aL PcakPcríormanccWomcn.com. WhaL moLivaLcd you Lo íocus on
mcnLoring and coaching womcn`

PERRY
I'vc always had a passion Lo hclp womcn and sharc whaL I'vc lcarncd along
liíc's journcy wiLh Lhcm. As a woman working in Lhc Lcchnology íicld, which is
prcdominanLly malc, and having a grcaL dcal oí succcss, I íclL LhaL iL was
imporLanL Lo sharc Lhc lcssons I'd lcarncd wiLh oLhcr womcn. As a LhoughL and
knowlcdgc lcadcr, I assisL womcn, in boLh Lhcir pcrsonal liíc íulíillmcnL arcas
and Lhc busincss aspccLs oí Lhcir livcs, Lo achicvc succcss. My liíc's purposc is
Lo inspirc and moLivaLc womcn Lo achicvc Lhcir unlimiLcd poLcnLial and my
vision is Lo signiíicanLly inílucncc Lhousands oí livcs as Lhcy awakcn Lo Lhcir
unlimiLcd poLcnLial and cnjoy living an cmpowcrcd liíc.
I was Lhc PrcsidcnL oí a local chapLcr oí Lhc Amcrican Busincss Womcn's
AssociaLion in Iakcland, Florida, íor Lwo ycars and mcnLorcd a loL oí womcn. I
lcad masLcrmind groups Lo cmpowcr womcn in ovcrcoming obsLaclcs and I
providc succcss principlcs íor Lhcir liíc and busincss. SomcLimcs whcn wc look
back on our childhood iL givcs us clucs and insighLs inLo Lhosc Lhings LhaL wc
íind oursclvcs doing as an adulL. RcccnLly, whcn I lookcd back on my childhood,
I rcmcmbcrcd LhaL as a liLLlc girl I lovcd Lo crcaLc clubs, organizc groups, and bc
Lhc lcadcr or caLalysL íor Lhcm. IL is somcLhing LhaL I íind mysclí doing all Lhc
Limc now as an adulL and iL givcs mc a grcaL dcal oí joy.

Kathy Perry
!
147

WRIGHT
So Lcll our rcadcrs a liLLlc biL abouL Lhis ncw social ncLworking siLc íor
womcn you crcaLcd callcd iWomanIiíc.com and Lhc purposc in crcaLing iL.

PERRY
I had a grcaL vision íor whaL I wanLcd Lo crcaLc íor womcn and I was
scarching íor Lhc righL vchiclc Lo crcaLc iL in. As I was rcscarching, I lookcd aL
mcmbcrship soíLwarc Lo Lakc PcakPcríormanccWomcn.com and crcaLc a
mcmbcrship siLc. Whilc iL sccmcd likc Lhc logical Lhing Lo do, iL wasn'L
rcsonaLing wiLh mc. (I Lry Lo do Lhosc Lhings LhaL rcally rcsonaLc wiLh my
hcarL.) I hcard abouL a ncw soíLwarc program Lo crcaLc a social ncLworking siLc
and I bccamc vcry cxciLcd abouL Lhc poLcnLial iL hcld. Whcn I lookcd aL iL írom
Lhc pcrspccLivc oí my vision, iL madc scnsc Lo mc.
PcakPcríormanccWomcn.com was crcaLcd Lo sharc my journcy wiLh my
íricnds and a mcmbcrship siLc would havc bccn an cxLcnsion oí LhaL. I would bc
crcaLing a loL oí conLcnL íor Lhc siLc, whcrcas, a social ncLworking siLc is abouL
communiLy—iL's abouL cvcryonc sharing and crcaLing conLcnL LogcLhcr. Thc
purposc and vision aL iWomanIiíc.com is LhaL wc arc changing Lhc world by
providing a posiLivc plaLíorm Lo hclp Lhousands oí womcn sharc, nurLurc, and
learn írom cach oLhcr in a saíc and non-LhrcaLcning cnvironmcnL, which will
Lhcn havc a massivc cííccL on Lhc world, ulLimaLcly making a Langiblc
diíícrcncc Lo millions oí pcoplc, íamilics, and childrcn worldwidc.
WiLhin Lhc siLc Lhcrc is an ¨FxpcrL's Corncr" whcrc cxpcrLs in all arcas oí liíc
sharc Lhcir Lips and iníormaLion on Lhcir parLicular cxpcrLisc. This is a grcaL
placc íor womcn Lo bc ablc Lo dialoguc wiLh Lhc cxpcrLs and íind answcrs or
soluLions Lo Lhc issucs Lhcy arc íacing. AddiLionally, wc'rc providing
Lclcscminars and wcbinars wiLh Lhc cxpcrLs Lo add morc valuc in Lhc
communiLy.

WRIGHT
I scc you'rc also a social mcdia spccialisL. WhaL docs LhaL mcan and how do
you combinc such divcrsc íiclds as Lcchnology, Lhc InLcrncL, and pcrsonal
dcvclopmcnL`

Stepping Stones to Success

148

PERRY
Having bccn in Lcchnology íor mosL oí my carccr in Lhc salcs and markcLing
capaciLy, I'vc workcd wiLh many diíícrcnL soluLions. Thc InLcrncL is an amazing
ncw íronLicr íor many small busincsscs Lrying Lo sLay compcLiLivc in Lhc Clobal
onlinc communiLy. Thc InLcrncL is Lhc íuLurc and iL's bccoming Lhc social
communicaLion Lool oí choicc. In Lhc bcginning iL was vcry sLaLic and you jusL
prcscnLcd iníormaLion, Lhcn iL bccamc vcry LransacLional and salcs íocuscd.
Now, Lhc Lrcnd-Laking placc on Lhc InLcrncL is social communicaLion and I call
that Virtual Social Interaction. I cvaluaLc and advisc busincsscs on how Lo Lap
inLo Lhc powcr oí social mcdia Lo grow his or hcr busincss. My Hub Socializer
sysLcm is known íor Laking Lhc ícar and coníusion ouL oí markcLing on Lhc
InLcrncL and puLLing my clicnLs on Lhc righL paLh. Thc Lhrcc corc componcnLs
oí Hub Socializcr arc: Qualiíicd RclaLionships, Brand VisibiliLy, and Social
InLcracLion. Thc Hub Socializer sysLcm is Lhc mosL cconomical way Lo savc my
clicnLs boLh Limc and moncy, which is a win-win. In addiLion, arc ablc Lo
incrcasc Lhc visibiliLy oí his or hcr producLs and scrviccs Lo Lhcir LargcL
audicncc íasLcr, in a morc cosL cííccLivc way and achicvc a much grcaLcr rcLurn
on invcsLmcnL. I guidc my clicnLs Lhrough Lhc whaL, why and how Lo simpliíy
and quickly discovcr a guaranLccd way Lo grow his or hcr busincss wiLhouL any
ícar oí gcLLing lcíL bchind in Lhc social mcdia mazc. I bring a holisLic approach
Lo InLcrncL markcLing LhaL includcs individual cmpowcrmcnL and pcrsonal
accounLabiliLy along wiLh Lhc appropriaLc markcLing sLraLcgy and LacLics.
I'vc always bccn a sLudcnL oí pcrsonal dcvclopmcnL and havc spcnL a
numbcr oí ycars lcarning various cncrgy hcaling Lcchniqucs in my qucsL Lo
cnhancc my own body, mind, and spiriL. My journcy has bccn onc oí
Lrcmcndous changc, uprooLing old bclicí sysLcms LhaL didn'L scrvc mc and
rcplacing Lhcm wiLh ncw oncs LhaL bring mc inncr pcacc and joy. I'm onc oí
Lhosc rarc pcoplc who blcnds markcLing and cncrgy hcaling Lo assisL clicnLs in
noL only Lhcir social mcdia markcLing and gcncral busincss markcLing
sLraLcgics, buL I also show Lhcm how Lo rclcasc ncgaLivc cncrgy and blockagcs
in Lhcir pcrsonal livcs and busincsscs LhaL mighL bc kccping Lhcm sLuck.
I bccomc a mirror íor my clicnLs. Wcaving social mcdia and InLcrncL
markcLing wiLh pcrsonal growLh and cncrgy work is a naLural Lhing íor mc Lo
Kathy Perry
!
149

do, sincc I don'L bclicvc you can scparaLc Lhc pcrson írom his or hcr busincss or
work.

WRIGHT
Will you sharc wiLh us iníormaLion abouL your book Reality TV & You, how iL
camc abouL and how iL hclps pcoplc`

PERRY
AbsoluLcly, David. I was in a Lraining program Lo lcarn how Lo crcaLc digiLal
producLs íor onlinc disLribuLion and cach morning I would mcdiLaLc bcíorc
wriLing. Onc morning, aíLcr mcdiLaLion, as I saL wriLing down my LhoughLs,
Reality TV & You bcgan Lo ílow onLo Lhc papcr. IL was such a clcar mcLaphor Lo
mc in rclaLing our livcs Lo RcaliLy Lclcvision. In csscncc, wc arc all living our
own rcaliLy Lclcvision show cvcry day, wc probably jusL don'L havc a camcra
crcw íollowing us around and rccording cvcry momcnL.
Ovcr Lhc scvcral wccks and monLhs LhaL íollowcd, morc iníormaLion ílowcd
and Lhc cnd producL was a pcrsonal dcvclopmcnL Lool in Lhc íorm oí a ncw
book and companion workbook as a Iaw oí ALLracLion guidc. Thc book providcs
insighL inLo how our liíc mirrors LhaL oí rcaliLy Lclcvision and iL dcmonsLraLcs
how wc arc in conLrol oí whaL's playing ouL in our livcs. IL hclps pcoplc scc Lhcir
livcs írom a diíícrcnL pcrspccLivc and shows Lhcm how Lhcy can makc changcs
LhaL will cmpowcr Lhcm.
Whcn your liíc is likc a bad rcaliLy Lclcvision show, you can lcarn how Lo
changc Lhc channcl and rcwriLc your scripL. Hcrc arc Lhc cighL sccrcLs Lo bcing
Lhc dirccLor in your liíc's rcaliLy Lclcvision show:

Secret number one: Your thoughts and emotions are the script for what is playing
out in your life. Your LhoughLs arc vcry powcríul, your LhoughLs shapc your cmoLions,
which Lhcn bccomc your rcaliLy. ThoughLs arc Lhings and your cmoLions puL Lhcm inLo
acLion. MosL oí us arc conLrollcd by our unconscious LhoughLs and arc on auLomaLic
piloL morc Lhan noL.

Stepping Stones to Success

150

Secret number two: You have emotional channels that serve you in life, and you
have emotional channels that don’t serve you. So jusL imaginc LhaL you arc likc a Lclcvision
scL wiLh a loL oí channcls and cach channcl is a diíícrcnL cmoLion. PicLurc in your mind
all Lhc diíícrcnL cmoLional channcls you havc on your Lclcvision scL oí liíc. Wc oíLcn
classiíy our cmoLions in Lwo main caLcgorics: good or bad. You havc cmoLions LhaL
makc you íccl good, and you havc cmoLions LhaL makc you íccl bad. For cxamplc, somc
cmoLions LhaL makc you íccl good arc: happy, cxciLcd, crcaLivc, powcríul, loving,
LhoughLíul, and coníidcnL. Whcn you'rc íccling Lhcsc cmoLions, liíc is rolling along a
liLLlc casicr. Hcrc arc somc cxamplcs oí cmoLions LhaL makc you íccl bad: insccuriLy,
inadcquacy, insigniíicancy, inícrioriLy, and isolaLion. Iiíc is a liLLlc Loughcr on Lhosc
cmoLional channcls.

Secret number three: Throughout each day you are constantly changing emotional
channels with your thoughts. You launch your drcams or your nighLmarcs cvcry day wiLh
your LhoughLs and cmoLions. Our minds arc supcrcompuLcrs and Lhcy arc conLinuously
rccording cvcry inpuL LhaL is happcning around us. Fvcry sound LhaL wc hcar, cvcn Lhc
background noisc wc arcn'L paying aLLcnLion Lo is bcing rccordcd. FvcryLhing wc scc,
including whaL wc scc on Lclcvision or aL Lhc movics, cvcn ií wc'rc noL paying aLtention
to iL, is bcing rccordcd. All oí our scnscs—Louch, smcll, sound, sighL, and LasLc—are
rccording daLa. Wc havc all Lhis daLa LhaL has bccn rccordcd inLo our minds and wc
bcgin Lo crcaLc sLorics wiLh our LhoughLs. Onc LhoughL lcads Lo anoLhcr LhoughL, and
anoLhcr and anoLhcr and prcLLy soon wc'vc crcaLcd Lhis wholc sLory abouL somcLhing.
Your sLory is Lhc collccLion oí all Lhcsc random LhoughLs and you íorm an opinion or a
Lhcory abouL Lhc daLa you'vc bccn collccLing írom all your scnscs. As cach Lhought is
crcaLing an cmoLion, you havc jusL swiLchcd Lo a diíícrcnL channcl and as your
LhoughLs arc Lriggcring Lhc changc Lo anoLhcr channcl, you arc crcaLing Lhc rcaliLy
Lclcvision sccncs oí your liíc by whaLcvcr LhoughLs you arc projccLing.

Secret number four: You can stay in control of your remote by controlling what
emotional channels you are on. This onc is Lhc Lricky parL—who is holding Lhc rcmoLc
conLrol` Do you havc iL` Ií you do, LhaL mcans you arc ablc Lo changc channcls whcn
you rccognizc Lhc cííccL LhaL your cmoLions havc on your liíc. Or docs somconc clsc
havc your rcmoLc conLrol and is LhaL pcrson pushing your buLLons Lo changc your
Kathy Perry
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cmoLional channcl` Whcn you allow somconc clsc Lo hold your rcmoLc and push your
buLLons, iL's also causing you Lo changc cmoLional channcls and iL puLs you in Lhc
vicLim rolc. You now íccl likc saying, iL's Lhcir íaulL or Lhcy'rc causing iL. IL's so much
casicr íor us Lo blamc oLhcrs íor whaL is happcning in our livcs. Rcmcmbcr, whocvcr
holds Lhc rcmoLc has Lhc powcr. You havc Lhc powcr Lo conLrol your own rcmoLc by
conLrolling your LhoughLs and cmoLions.

Secret number five: Your emotions are attracting whatever is happening in your
life. IL is vcry imporLanL Lo undcrsLand Lhc Iaw oí ALLracLion, sincc cvcry momcnL you
are either sending out a positive or a negative signal or vibration through your
cmoLions. Thcsc signals comc írom your LhoughLs and Lhc words you spcak, which acL
likc a magncL. Thc Iaw oí ALLracLion sLaLcs LhaL likc aLLracLs likc and LhoughLs bccomc
Lhings. ThaL signal or vibraLion is whaL is aLLracLing Lhc rcsulLs you arc gcLLing. Whcn
you arc on Lhc cmoLional rollcr coasLcr oí liíc and ílipping cmoLional channcls, you arc
acLually inLcrrupLing Lhc univcrsal ílow oí your liíc's scripL, and Lhcrc is no conLinuiLy.

Secret number six: The mirror reveals the truth of what you have created with your
thoughts and emotions. You musL scc and idcnLiíy whaL is happcning in your liíc so you
can makc changcs or you will kccp aLLracLing Lhc samc Lhings you'vc always bccn
aLLracLing. Rcmcmbcr back in sccrcL numbcr onc, your LhoughLs and cmoLions arc Lhc
scripL íor whaL's playing ouL in your liíc.

Secret number seven: You are the scriptwriter, actor, and director in your life’s
reality television show and only you can take back the control and live your life as you choose.
How can wc rcwriLc our own scripL whcn so much oí our livcs sccm Lo bc ouL oí
conLrol` Wc mighL havc somc old scripLs or rcruns LhaL jusL kccp popping up írom
somc oí Lhc crroncous daLa wc havc rccordcd and collccLcd ovcr Lhc ycars. To clcan ouL
Lhc old scripLs or rcruns LhaL don'L scrvc you, acknowlcdgc LhaL you no longcr nccd
Lhcm in your liíc and rcplacc Lhcm wiLh posiLivc ncw scripLs LhaL do scrvc you and arc
rcílccLivc oí your goals and drcams.

Secret number eight: You can rewrite your script any way you choose to attract
what you want. WhaLcvcr wc íocus on wc draw Lo us. By Laking conLrol oí our own
Stepping Stones to Success

152

LhoughLs and cmoLions wc can dicLaLc how wc livc our livcs, and wc arc Lhcn rcwriLing
Lhc scripL oí our liíc.

WRIGHT
I would likc Lo lcarn a liLLlc biL morc abouL a couplc oí Lhc sclí-
cmpowcrmcnL Lools you crcaLcd and usc in your mcnLoring and coaching
pracLicc.

PERRY
Onc oí Lhc main Lools I usc is Lhc Mirror Factor as a rcílccLion inLo you and
your busincss. IL's a Lool LhaL was givcn Lo mc whcn I was mcdiLaLing and
working on my book, Reality TV & You, and Lhc Mirror FacLor bccamc a chapLcr
in Lhc book. “Someone looking in from the outside always sees things that aren’t
visible from within,” is my quoLc LhaL I usc whcn cxplaining Lhc Mirror FacLor.
Wc oíLcn Lhink oí iL as a grcaL Lool Lo usc whcn looking aL our physical
bodics in Lhc mirror Lo rcvcal whaL wc bclicvc abouL oursclvcs. Iikc Lhosc old
bclicís LhaL makc us criLical oí oursclvcs, bclicís likc I'm Loo íaL. Rcmcmbcr LhaL
Lhcsc LhoughLs and cmoLions will aLLracL morc oí Lhc samc. So ií wc'rc always
obscssing abouL how íaL wc arc, Lhcn wc'rc going Lo aLLracL morc íaL Lo us. AL a
conscious lcvcl wc'rc saying wc don'L wanL Lo bc íaL, buL aL an unconscious
lcvcl, only íaL is bcing rcgisLcrcd. MosL pcoplc dwcll upon whaL Lhcy don'L
wanL, raLhcr Lhan whaL Lhcy do wanL and Lhcy wondcr why Lhc Iaw oí
ALLracLion isn'L working íor Lhcm. IL's always working—wc'rc always aLLracLing
whaL wc arc íocusing on wiLh our LhoughLs and cmoLions.
Whilc Lhc Mirror FacLor is a grcaL Lool Lo usc on Lhc physical you, iL's cqually
imporLanL Lo usc iL on Lhc cmoLional you. FvcryLhing LhaL is happcning in your
liíc is a rcílccLion back Lo you oí how your LhoughLs and cmoLions havc shapcd
your liíc. You would usc Lhc mirror Lo scc ií Lhcrc arc rccurring paLLcrns or
Lhcmcs happcning in your liíc or ií Lhcrc sccms Lo bc cmoLional blocks LhaL arc
causing pain and disLrcss in your liíc. Thcsc ouLward signs LhaL show up in our
mirror oí liíc arc a rcílccLion oí whaL is happcning on Lhc insidc oí us. Thcsc arc
Lhc subconscious bclicís LhaL wc havc and wc will kccp proving Lhcm Lo bc Lruc
unlcss wc scc Lhc paLLcrn and brcak iL.
Kathy Perry
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Deep-scaLcd corc bclicís LhaL arc íormcd aL childhood írom an cmoLional
incidcnL may Lakc somc Limc Lo work Lhrough. BuL Lhc íirsL sLcp in Lhc hcaling
proccss is Lo scc iL and rccognizc iL íor whaL iL is. Many Limcs iL is a bclicí wc
íormcd as a child. Wc spcnd a liícLimc Lrying Lo provc Lhcm righL or provc Lhcm
wrong, and Lhc mirror is a Lool Lo clcarly idcnLiíy Lhosc LhoughLs and cmoLions
LhaL arc causing disLrcss in your liíc. You musL íirsL rccognizc and acknowlcdgc
whaL is happcning, bcíorc you can changc iL. Ií you don'L idcnLiíy Lhc LruLh so
LhaL you can makc a changc, you will kccp aLLracLing whaL you'vc always bccn
aLLracLing.
Having Lhis iníormaLion will makc you morc awarc oí whaL cííccLs your
LhoughLs and cmoLions havc on your liíc in Lhc choiccs you makc, and iL will
givc you a hugc advanLagc in Laking Lhc sLcps Loward making a changc. Wc all
know Lhc íairyLalc LhaL has Lhc phrasc: mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the
fairest one of all? BuL your liíc isn'L a íairyLalc, iLs rcaliLy. Iiíc isn'L abouL who
looks Lhc bcsL or who has Lhc biggcsL housc or Lhc íasLcsL car, cvcn Lhough
pcoplc would likc Lo kccp you in LhaL gamc. BuL raLhcr, iL's abouL íinding ouL
your LruLh and whcrc you arc wiLh pcacc, lovc, and joy in your hcarL and in your
liíc, and LhaL includcs bcing happy wiLh who you arc. ThaL mcans loving
yoursclí so you can lovc oLhcrs, and LhaL mcans having joy in your liíc bccausc
you arc alivc and brcaLhing Lhc air around you.
ThaL was rcally magniíicd íor mc whcn my husband passcd away
uncxpccLcdly. All Lhc Lrivial Lhings LhaL I LhoughL wcrc imporLanL suddcnly
bccamc unimporLanL. Wc comc inLo Lhis liíc wiLh noLhing and wc lcavc iL wiLh
noLhing, cvcryLhing in bcLwccn is rcally abouL how wc livcd our livcs, Lhc
rclaLionships wc crcaLcd, and ií wc madc a diíícrcncc.
I bclicvc Lhc íairyLalc should go likc Lhis: mirror, mirror on the wall, reveal to
me the truth in all. Ií you look in Lhc mirror and scc a vicLim, Lhcn you musL
cxaminc all your LhoughLs and cmoLions Lo rcvcal Lhc LruLh bchind iL. This is
not easy, buL iL's csscnLial ií you wanL somcLhing diíícrcnL in your liíc. You may
noL cvcn rcalizc LhaL you arc in Lhc vicLim rolc. BuL ií you íind yoursclí
complaining abouL Lhis or LhaL and blaming somconc clsc íor Lhc Lhings LhaL
arc happcning in your liíc, Lhcn you arc playing Lhc vicLim. Whcn wc íind
oursclvcs indignanL or Lrying Lo jusLiíy why wc arc righL, Lhcn wc rcally nccd Lo
Stepping Stones to Success

154

look inLo Lhc mirror and scc whaL LruLh is bcing rcílccLcd back Lo us. Wc musL
consciously changc our cmoLional channcls Lo Lhosc LhaL scrvc us in aLLracLing
whaL wc do wanL in our livcs. This is a momcnL-by-momcnL choicc LhaL you
makc, ciLhcr consciously or unconsciously, in crcaLing your liíc's rcaliLy.
The Life-Work Balance Tree is anoLhcr Lool I usc in inLcracLivc group
workshops and íor individual coaching scssions. Wc íirsL draw ouL a Lrcc wiLh
íivc branchcs and cach branch rcprcscnLs a main arca oí liíc. Thc íirsL branch is
Family, Lhc sccond is RclaLionships, Lhc Lhird is HcalLh and FiLncss, Lhc íourLh
is Carccr and 3ob, and Lhc íiíLh is SpiriLual and Pcrsonal DcvclopmcnL. Thc
bushcs and lcavcs aL Lhc cnd oí Lhc íivc branchcs arc whcrc you would lisL Lhosc
Lhings you arc doing in cach caLcgory or branch. You would Lhcn wriLc down
how much Limc you arc spcnding on cach Lhing you'rc doing in LhaL caLcgory or
branch. You'll casily scc Lhosc arcas LhaL arc ouL oí balancc and you can quickly
asscss Lhc aííccL iL's having on your liíc and whaL iL's cosLing you in rcgards Lo
your hcalLh, your rclaLionships, or your carccr.
Wc Lhcn look aL Lhc rooLs oí your liíc-work balancc Lrcc and wc scc
íoundaLional Lhings likc your bclicís, valucs, LradiLions, hisLory, cxpcricnccs,
vision, mission, and cducaLion. Wc all know whaL happcns Lo Lhc Lrcc ií Lhc
roots aren’t strong and grounded—whcn Lhc sLorms oí liíc comc up, Lhcy
Lopplc ovcr.
NcxL wc rcvicw Lhosc aLLribuLcs LhaL rcprcscnL Lhc sunshinc and Lhc rain—
Lhings likc our aLLiLudc, LhoughLs, cmoLions, cncrgy, and passion. Wc discuss
diíícrcnL ways LhaL you can incrcasc Lhc sunshinc and rain and sLrengthen the
rooLs such as graLiLudc cxcrciscs, cncrgy mcdicinc, cmoLional írccdom
Lcchniquc, Lhc Mirror FacLor, and many oLhcr Lcchniqucs.
Finally, wc look aL Lhc íruiLs oí your liíc-work balancc Lrcc and, oí coursc,
Lhc goal is Lo havc Lhc íruiL bc pcacc, lovc, and joy in your liíc. WiLh Lhis
graphical vicw oí your liíc-work balancc Lrcc you can clcarly scc whaL arcas oí
your Lrcc oí liíc nccd Lo bc pruncd or nurLurcd. You can zcro in on Lhosc arcas
LhaL havc Lhc grcaLcsL poLcnLial íor your succcss and do morc oí Lhosc Lhings
LhaL arc working íor you and sLop doing Lhc Lhings LhaL arcn'L. IL's a simplc, buL
grcaL Lool Lo scc Lhosc arcas LhaL nccd hclp and Lo crcaLc an acLion plan LhaL
makcs scnsc íor you.
Kathy Perry
!
155

WRIGHT
Havc you uscd Lhc Mirror Factor and the Life-Work Balance Tree as personal
growLh Lools in your own liíc`

PERRY
AbsoluLcly! AcLually, LhaL's how Lhcy wcrc crcaLcd. Bccausc I'm such a visual
pcrson I lcarn bcLLcr írom picLurcs, vcrsus jusL looking aL numbcrs on a
sprcadshccL. WiLh Lhc Lrcc mcLaphor, iL íirsL bcgan as a Lool íor mc Lo usc in my
busincss Lo vicw my markcLing cííorLs and Lhcn I cxpandcd iL Lo vicw my liíc-
work balancc. And iL showcd mc Lhosc arcas whcrc I was ouL oí balancc and
whcrc Lhings nccdcd Lo bc pruncd or nurLurcd in my liíc. Thc Lrcc mcLaphor
grcw inLo workshops and prcscnLaLions LhaL I sharc wiLh clicnLs and
organizaLions Lo providc an casy Lool Lhcy can usc in any arca oí Lhcir busincss
or liíc.
Thc Mirror FacLor camc Lo mc whcn I was wriLing Reality TV & You and I
clcarly saw LhaL Lhc Lhings happcning in our livcs and our busincsscs arc jusL
mirrors oí Lhosc arcas LhaL arc rc-cmcrging paLLcrns wc nccd Lo work on or
rcílccLions oí Lhings LhaL nccd our aLLcnLion.

WRIGHT
You'vc had a loL oí succcss in your carccr. Will you Lcll us abouL somc oí Lhc
highlighLs and whaL Lhcy mcanL Lo you`

PERRY
IL was vcry cxciLing Lo achicvc Lop, rcgional, and naLional awards
LhroughouL my carccr in corporaLc Amcrica. I was numbcr onc in Lhc UniLcd
SLaLcs Lwicc in my corporaLc carccr, including onc Limc whilc aL a ForLunc 500
company.
IL was also vcry rcwarding íor mc Lo work wiLh Lhc UnivcrsiLy oí SouLh
Florida, whcrc I was ablc Lo inílucncc hundrcds oí livcs. I gucsL lccLurcd aL USF
íor abouL Lcn ycars and I also had an inLcrnship program whcrc I inLcrncd
many univcrsiLy sLudcnLs ovcr Lhc coursc oí Lhosc ycars.
Whilc working wiLh Lhc UnivcrsiLy oí SouLh Florida, I had Lhc opporLuniLy
Lo crcaLc a univcrsiLy ccrLiíicaLc program Lo hclp bridgc Lhc gap bcLwccn
Stepping Stones to Success

156

markcLing and Lcchnology. Bccausc I hircd so many markcLing sLudcnLs
Lhrough Lhc inLcrnship program and Lhcy immcdiaLcly undcrsLood how Lo
apply Lhc markcLing Lhcory Lhcy lcarncd aL Lhc univcrsiLy inLo Lhc markcLing
soíLwarc, I rcalizcd LhaL iL would bc a grcaL addiLion Lo Lhcir curriculum ií Lhcrc
was a coursc LhaL would bridgc LhaL gap bcLwccn markcLing and Lcchnology.
Oncc cvcryLhing was approvcd by Lhc íaculLy and lcgal dcparLmcnL, I wcnL Lo
work puLLing LogcLhcr Lhc ccrLiíicaLc program as an onlinc and in-classroom
coursc. I workcd wiLh Lhc proícssors Lo puL Lhcir curriculum inLo Lhc soíLwarc
and crcaLcd Lhc Lraining program around iL. This was a major honor and quiLc
an accomplishmcnL íor mc—Lhc Lraining I crcaLcd bccamc parL oí Lhc
curriculum aL a major univcrsiLy.

WRIGHT
On Lhc ílip sidc oí LhaL succcss in your carccr, will you also sharc wiLh us
whaL major challcngcs you cxpcricnccd, and pcrhaps ovcrcamc`

PERRY
Scvcral ycars ago I had íour major liíc challcngcs happcn all in onc ycar LhaL
Lhrcw mc inLo a Lailspin. Any onc oí Lhcm would bc cnough Lo causc scrious
issucs, lcL alonc all íour aL Lhc samc Limc.
FirsL, I was an cxccuLivc wiLh a Lcchnology company, and had a loL oí sLock
in Lhc company whcn Lhc doL bomb happcncd, many Lcchnology companics
crashcd, including ours. Wc downsizcd by 75 pcrccnL, Lhc cxccuLivcs no longcr
wcrc paid, and Lhc sLock bccamc worLhlcss. I íinally lcíL Lhc company aíLcr
scvcral monLhs oí Lrying Lo hclp wiLh a Lurn-around.
Sccond, my husband movcd ouL oí sLaLc Lo hclp his broLhcr's manuíacLuring
company wiLh an implcmcnLaLion oí a ncw accounLing sysLcm and Lo bc Lhcir
chicí íinancial oííiccr. Wc LhoughL iL would bc a shorL-Lcrm projccL—iL wasn'L.
Third, my son wcnL oíí Lo collcgc, which was abouL íour hours away and I
had cmpLy ncsL syndromc.
FourLh, wc sold our homc oí LwcnLy ycars, downsizcd, and I movcd inLo an
aparLmcnL in a diíícrcnL ciLy. For Lhc íirsL Limc in morc Lhan LhirLy ycars I was
all by mysclí, all my íamily was gonc, and I was losL.
Kathy Perry
!
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Ovcr Lhc ycars I had Licd my idcnLiLy Lo my íamily and my carccr and Lhcy
wcrc all gonc. I íclL likc Lhc rug had bccn pullcd ouL írom undcr mc and my
world was Lurncd upsidc down. I was sLarLing ovcr wiLh a ncw carccr, in a ncw
ciLy, and was now living in an aparLmcnL. NoL only did I losc Lhc idcntity I had
bccn aLLachcd Lo, I didn'L cvcn likc Lhc pcrson I was looking aL in Lhc mirror. I
rcmcmbcr íccling as Lhough I was íalling inLo a largc abyss and I wasn'L surc ií
Lhcrc was somcLhing LhaL would caLch mc or sLop mc írom conLinuing Lo íall.
When a íricnd callcd and noLiccd LhaL my words wcrc noL vcry posiLivc
Loward mysclí and LhaL I was sLruggling cmoLionally, hc challcngcd mc wiLh iL.
IL goL my aLLcnLion and oncc I was ablc Lo scc whaL hc poinLcd ouL Lo mc, I
rcalizcd I nccdcd Lo makc somc changcs. I bcgan Lo lisLcn Lo posiLivc music,
rcad upliíLing books, and waLch inspiraLional movics. Thc conLinual liíc-
changing posiLivc inpuL LhaL I was rccciving bcgan a LransíormaLion in my liíc.

WRIGHT
I noLicc LhaL PcakPcríormanccWomcn.com is abouL cnhancing body, mind,
and spiriL. Is Lhcrc signiíicancc in why you crcaLcd a rcsourcc siLc íor womcn on
LhaL Lopic`

PERRY
As my liíc bcgan Lo Lransíorm, I was sharing all Lhc grcaL iníormaLion LhaL
hclpcd mc wiLh my íricnds. I íound mysclí wriLing down a dozcn diíícrcnL Wcb
siLcs íor Lhcm Lo chcck ouL on Lhc back oí my busincss card and I LhoughL Lhis
is crazy. So I crcaLcd a Wcb siLc Lo sharc all Lhc rcsourccs I was using wiLh my
íricnds and iL cxpandcd írom Lhcrc. IL was my journcy back Lo Laking carc oí my
body, mind, and spiriL. I had bccn so wrappcd up wiLh climbing Lhc corporaLc
laddcr LhaL I íorgoL Lo Lakc carc oí mc.
I also had my idcnLiLy wrappcd up in my carccr and losL sighL oí who I was
íor a whilc. IL was during LhaL Limc oí LransíormaLion LhaL I lcarncd somc
cncrgy Lcchniqucs, likc FFT (cmoLional írccdom Lcchniquc). I also bcgan Lo do
morc in Lhc arca oí cncrgy hcaling. I bclicvc LhaL whcncvcr you go Lhrough liíc
LransíormaLions, you naLurally wanL Lo sharc whaL you'vc lcarncd and bc a
rcsourcc íor oLhcrs.

Stepping Stones to Success

158

WRIGHT
So whaL was Lhc grcaLcsL pcrsonal challcngc you havc íaccd and how has
LhaL shapcd your liíc and Lhc scrviccs you providc Loday`

PERRY
I would havc Lo say LhaL my husband's uncxpccLcd dcaLh was Lhc grcaLcsL
pcrsonal challcngc I havc cvcr íaccd. IL was Lhc mosL painíul and dcvasLaLing
Limc oí my liíc. Bccausc oí my pasL cxpcricnccs, I kncw LhaL I nccdcd Lo
conLinuously havc posiLivc inpuL in ordcr Lo survivc. So I immcrscd mysclí in
hcaling modaliLics Lo hcal LhaL gaping holc in my hcarL and I wcnL Lhrough
Lraining on scvcral diíícrcnL hcaling modaliLics. IL Look mc a liLLlc ovcr a ycar Lo
comc ouL oí LhaL spacc whcrc I íclL as Lhough I was slccp walking or jusL going
Lhrough Lhc moLions oí liíc and noL rcally bcing Lhcrc. IL's almosL likc you'rc in
a drcam and you wanL Lo wakc up and cvcryLhing will bc bcLLcr.
I am working on a ncw book, 3 Months to Heaven, about those last three
monLhs oí my husband's liíc. IL was a parL oí my hcaling proccss Lo journal
abouL all Lhc miraclcs LhaL Look placc and noL íocus on Lhc pain I was in. Now I
am ablc Lo scc Lhings in liíc írom a LoLally diíícrcnL pcrspccLivc and I livc my
liíc morc in Lhc momcnL wiLh graLiLudc íor cach cxpcricncc. As I am working
wiLh clicnLs, I havc grcaLcr insighL Lo hclp Lhcm Lhrough Lhcir liíc and busincss
challcngcs.
I havc scL up a Wcb pagc aL 3MonLhsLoHcavcn.com so LhaL pcoplc can rcad
abouL iL and rcqucsL Lo bc noLiíicd whcn Lhc book comcs ouL. An cxccrpL írom
the Web page is: In this original account of the last three months in the life of her
late husband, Garry Perry, Kathy shares the story of his amazing transformation.
Without any idea that he was ill and that he only had a short time to live, they
experienced a miracle transformation as he prepared at the soul level for his passing.
This touching account of the deep healing in his heart will bring a tear to your eye,
warm your heart, and may even give you goose bumps as you hear his messages to
Kathy from the other side and the significance of the Red Rose.

WRIGHT
ThaL's powcríul KaLhy. In closing, ií Lhcrc was onc singlc mcssagc you could
sharc wiLh pcoplc abouL liíc, whaL would iL bc`
Kathy Perry
!
159

PERRY
I rcally undcrsLood how prccious and íragilc liíc is whcn I saw how quickly iL
can bc gonc and how wc Lcnd Lo íocus on all Lhc Lhings in liíc LhaL don'L rcally
maLLcr. MosL pcoplc spcnd Lhcir livcs rcílccLing back on Lhc pain in Lhcir pasL
and agonizc why Lhis or LhaL happcncd and why Lhcy madc Lhc choiccs LhaL
Lhcy did. Or Lhcy look íorward inLo Lhc íuLurc and projccL Lhcir ícars into a set
oí sccnarios LhaL may or may noL cvcn bccomc a rcaliLy. All wc rcally havc is
Lhis prcscnL momcnL—Lhc Now. Wc nccd Lo livc our livcs in graLiLudc in Lhc
Now and scc Lhc bcauLy in cach momcnL and bc Lhankíul íor all LhaL wc do
have, treasuring Lhc rclaLionships and Lhc pcoplc in our livcs. For whcn iL's all
said and donc, wc comc inLo Lhc world wiLh noLhing, wc lcavc Lhis world wiLh
noLhing, and Lhc only Lhing in bcLwccn is Lhc rclaLionships wc'vc nurLurcd and
Lhc pcoplcs' livcs wc'vc inílucnccd whilc crcaLing our lcgacy along Lhc way.

WRIGHT
Wcll, whaL a grcaL convcrsaLion. I rcally apprcciaLc all Lhc insighL wc'vc
garncrcd hcrc in Lhis convcrsaLion Loday and I apprcciaLc Lhc Limc you'vc spcnL
wiLh mc answcring Lhcsc qucsLions.

PERRY
Thank you so much, David. IL was my plcasurc and I cnjoycd sharing wiLh
you.

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh KaLhy Pcrry. KaLhy is a proícssional spcakcr,
auLhor, mcnLor, coach, and social mcdia spccialisL, who sharcs hcr cxpcrLisc
and cxpcricncc Lhrough inLcracLivc cducaLional and moLivaLional prcscnLaLions
and workshops, as wcll as Lhrough individual mcnLoring and coaching Lo
inspirc and awakcn clicnLs Lo Lhcir unlimiLcd poLcnLial whilc moLivaLing Lhcm
Lo acLion.
KaLhy, Lhank you so much íor bcing with us today on Stepping Stones to
Success.

Stepping Stones to Success

160

PERRY
Thank you, David.
161

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
WhcLhcr KaLhy is spcaking Lo a group oí womcn or spcnding Limc wiLh
íricnds, hcr auLhcnLic passion and cncrgy shincs Lhrough in all arcas oí hcr liíc.
Shc has bccn honorcd as Amcrican Busincss Womcn's AssociaLion Woman oí
the Year—IibcrLy ChapLcr, Tampa Chambcr oí Commcrcc OuLsLanding Small
Busincss Icadcr FinalisL, and Lhc Tampa Bay Business Journal Busincss Woman
oí Lhc Ycar FinalisL. KaLhy's liíc purposc is Lo inspirc and moLivaLc pcoplc Lo
achicvc Lhcir unlimiLcd poLcnLial and livc an cmpowcrcd liíc. She lives in
Florida and has Lwo grown childrcn.

KATHY PERRY
l66l6 Vallcly Drivc
Tampa, FI 336lS
813-789-9580
KaLhyøkaLhypcrry.com
www.kaLhypcrry.com




Stepping Stones to Success

162


163



C HA P T E R E L E V E N
CluLLcr From Lhc Insidc OuL
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Sallie Felton
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc'rc Lalking wiLh Sallic FclLon. Sallic is living prooí LhaL pcoplc can
go Lhrough a major liíc changc and noL only survivc, buL Lhrivc. AíLcr ycars oí
írusLraLion and scarching íor hcr purposc shc dccidcd Lo lcavc hcr propcr
Yankcc upbringing, LradiLional cducaLion, and compcLiLivc sporLs carccr Lo
pursuc hcr Lruc passions. IL's bccn LwcnLy ycars and shc hasn'L lookcd back.
Now shc is hclping oLhcrs do Lhc samc. Sallic is an inLcrnaLional radio Lalk
show hosL, íully ccrLiíicd CMC, PCC Iiíc Coach, TransiLional SpccialisL, and co-
auLhor who uscs hcr clicnLs' individual sLrcngLhs Lo crcaLc and supporL Lhcir
liíc goals. Through onc-on-onc and group coaching shc has hclpcd Lhousands,
as shc says Lo hcr clicnLs, ¨lcL's sLarL whcrc you sLand."
Sallic, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.


Stepping Stones to Success

164

SALLIE FELTON (FELTON)
Thank you David, iL's grcaL Lo bc hcrc and I ccrLainly apprcciaLc your Laking
Lhc Limc Lo inLcrvicw mc.

WRIGHT
The title, Clutter from the Inside Out, is an inLcrcsLing conccpL. Wc'vc hcard
you say LhaL Lhcrc arc so many pcoplc who dcal wiLh Lhis issuc oí cluLLcr and
LhaL iL inLcrícrcs wiLh Lhcir livcs. How docs iL` Whcn you Lhink oí cluLLcr, whaL
is iL` WhaL is cluLLcr rcally`

FELTON
IcL mc íirsL say LhaL cluLLcr, David, comcs in Lhrcc íorms—iL's physical,
mcnLal, and cmoLional. For cxamplc, physical cluLLcr is all Lhosc iLcms around
your housc, your oííicc, or around your cnvironmcnL LhaL havc builL up. You
know all Lhosc pilcs` McnLal cluLLcr, íor Lhc mosL parL, is lisLs, schcdulcs,
mccLings, and appoinLmcnLs. IL's LhaL iníamous Lo-do lisL LhaL sccms Lo bc
living in cvcryonc's hcad. Wc all havc Lhosc lisLs—Lhosc mcnLal lisLs.
FmoLional cluLLcr is diíícrcnL. IL's Lhosc ícclings oí pasL and prcscnL issucs
LhaL havc noL ycL bccn proccsscd, workcd on, solvcd, or nurLurcd. I bclicvc iL
livcs in Lhc ccnLcr oí Lhc hcarL. CluLLcr can vcry much aííccL pcoplc's scnsc oí
sclí and sclí-csLccm. In Lhcir liíc Lhcy can íccl ovcrsLrcsscd, ovcrburdcncd, and
unbalanccd. In Lhc workplacc Lhcy can íccl as ií Lhcy arc lcss producLivc, lcss
cííicicnL, and lcss cííccLivc.

WRIGHT
You say Lhcrc arc spcciíic arcas in cach oí our homcs whcrc Lhcrc should bc
no cluLLcr. Ií LhaL's Lruc, Lhcn why`

FELTON
Hcrc's why. Thcrc arc placcs in our homcs LhaL wc nccd Lo makc surc Lhcrc
is no cluLLcr. For cxamplc, Lhc kiLchcn and dining room arc Lhc placcs whcrc wc
gcL nourishmcnL írom, arcn'L Lhcy` Thcy indccd arc. Thcsc musL bc arcas whcrc
wc nccd Lo scLLlc oursclvcs and Lakc susLcnancc Lo kccp us physically íuclcd.
Sallie Felton

165

Hcrc's anoLhcr onc. Thc bcdroom is whcrc wc gcL our rcsL. Whcn wc havc
Lhis room cluLLcrcd Lhcrc is no room íor brcaLhing, Lhcrc is no room íor rcsLing,
wc scc chaos, and iL íccls chaoLic. This could bc dcscribcd as boLh physical and
mcnLal cluLLcr. Physical cluLLcr is rcprcscnLcd by Lhc ¨sLuíí" around us, Lhc
mcnLal cluLLcr is Lhc consLanL Lapc LhaL plays in our hcad—¨whaL Lo do wiLh all
Lhis sLuíí." ThaL cluLLcr also brings up Lhc cmoLional parL LhaL is aííccLing us
bccausc iL is all around us—in cvcry nook and cranny in Lhc room. Sccing all
Lhis cluLLcr around us adds Lo any anxicLy wc mighL bc íccling abouL iL. How
could anyonc possibly slccp wcll whcn onc has Lo gcL Lhc cxLra cloLhcs oíí Lhc
bcd in ordcr Lo makc room Lo lic down and slccp` This room nccds Lo bc our
pcaccíul sancLuary, David, iL has Lo bc.
Our homc oííicc is whcrc wc nccd Lo sLay organizcd. This is whcrc wc íocus.
Wc nccd Lo sLay on Lop oí Lasks and iL's whcrc wc spcnd a largc amounL oí Limc.
Physical cluLLcr rcars iLs hcad whcn wc íind oursclvcs noL doing, whaL I call,
SDA—Small Daily AcLions—such as íiling, organizing Lhc dcsk, Laking carc oí
paying bills, cvcn answcring our c-mails, wriLing our lcLLcrs, Lcnding Lo Lhc job
aL hand, Lalking wiLh clicnLs/cusLomcrs, whaLcvcr iL is. IL's casy Lo Lurn Lhis
sLaLion inLo a Lrain wrcck. This is an arca LhaL nccds organizaLion, you will work
bcLLcr and bc morc producLivc.
So wc nccd Lo sLay organizcd. You will bc amazcd aL how Lhis will carry on in
oLhcr parLs oí your liíc. In addiLion Lo Lhis I wanL Lo say LhaL ií I don'L spcnd Lcn
minuLcs Loward Lhc cnd oí my day aL lcasL clcaning up Lhc righL-hand and lcíL-
hand sidcs oí my dcsk, I don'L know abouL you, David, buL I rcally don'L íccl as
íocuscd whcn I comc in Lhc ncxL morning. NoLicc, I said Lhc word ¨íccl
bcLLcr"—physical cluLLcr aííccLs my producLiviLy. For mc, I do bcLLcr knowing
Lhcrc is somc sorL oí a Lo-do lisL alrcady on my dcsk, I nccd Lo havc Lhings
prcLLy wcll clcancd up bcíorc I gcL sLarLcd. I wish I could say iL has always bccn
LhaL policy, buL uníorLunaLcly iL has noL. Thcrc arc days whcn I havc bccn so
busy my dcsk sccms Lo havc a mind oí iLs own.
As wcll as bcing a liíc coach, I am an inLcrnaLional radio Lalk show hosL wiLh
ConLacL Talk Radio and am hcard livc on l06.0FM HD3 ouL oí ScaLLlc,
WashingLon, Lhis is cspccially Lruc in corrcsponding wiLh gucsLs and oLhcr
auLhors. Much comcs across my dcsk nccding immcdiaLc aLLcnLion, so iL
Stepping Stones to Success

166

bchoovcs mc Lo kccp on Lop oí Lhings. ThaL is casicr said Lhan donc. I, Loo, am
human and slip. Rcmcmbcr, Simplc Daily AcLions—wc nccd Lo sLay organizcd.

WRIGHT
I had no idca LhaL Lhcrc wcrc Lhrcc arcas oí cluLLcr—physical, mcnLal and
cmoLional. So ií somconc is íccling disorganizcd and unproducLivc, which oí
Lhc Lhrcc íorms you spokc abouL comcs íirsL`

FELTON
David, you havc, I am surc, hcard Lhc phrasc, ¨which comcs íirsL Lhc chickcn
or Lhc cgg`" Wc all havc. Wcll, Lhis is a similar sccnario whcn iL comcs Lo which
comcs íirsL, Lhc physical cluLLcr or Lhc mcnLal cluLLcr` Whcn I work wiLh a
clicnL, onc oí Lhc íirsL Lhings I ask is:

• WhaL is iL likc Lo gcL up in Lhc morning and íacc your cluLLcr`
• Whcrc do you havc cluLLcr in your liíc`
• Whcrc do you scc your cluLLcr`
• Whcrc is iL spinning in your hcad`
• Whcrc do you íccl your cluLLcr`
• Whcrc do you íccl you arc Lhc mosL disorganizcd`
• Wc know cluLLcr works írom Lhc insidc ouL. How is iL aííccLing you`

Using Lhcsc scrics oí qucsLions, Lhcy usually Lcll mc which onc or all Lhrcc oí
Lhc íorms oí cluLLcr arc aííccLing Lhcir livcs. Finally, I will ask, ¨WhaL is Lhc
mosL diííiculL parL abouL clcaring your cluLLcr`" Thc rcsponsc, ninc Limcs ouL oí
Lcn is, ¨IL's all Lhrcc." Now wc know whcrc Lo bcgin and whcrc Lo íocus our
energy Lo gcL Lhcm moving in Lhc righL dirccLion.

¨I bclicvc ií you sLir up mindíul cluLLcr,
You will havc a rccipc íor a poLcnL sLcw.
By lcarning which hcrbs and spiccs Lo usc,
You crcaLc a gourmcL ícasL."—Sallie Felton

Sallie Felton

167

WRIGHT
I know you'vc bccn a íaciliLaLor íor many workshops, and you managcd Lo
hclp Lhosc who arc mcnLally and physically cluLLcrcd, buL whaL arc Lhcy looking
íor`

FELTON
IL's inLcrcsLing Lo hcar you say LhaL. I acLually havc a workshop Lomorrow
and I Lhink wc havc ovcr LhirLy pcoplc signcd up. So iL is a problcm arca. Wc'rc
Lalking jusL on Lhis Lopic, dc-cluLLcring írom Lhc insidc ouL.
Whcn I conducL my workshops I always sLarL by asking, ¨WhaL arc íivc
Lhings LhaL you would likc Lo comc inLo your liíc`" Many oí Lhcm arc sccking
rclaLionships, íamily, íricnds, or íamily LradiLions. Thcy'rc sccking pcacc,
organizaLion, somc may wanL moncy, buL mosL wanL Limc íor sclí and lcss
sLrcss. Docs Lhis sound íamiliar` I'll bcL iL docs!

WRIGHT
So whaL is Lhc proccss oí accomplishing dc-cluLLcring` You say Lhcrc arc íivc
Lhings LhaL pcoplc can bcgin Lo do righL now. WhaL arc Lhcy and how do Lhcy do
Lhis`

FELTON
For somc, David, Lhis is noL casy—iL is noL an casy proccss. BuL lcL mc Lakc
you Lhrough Lhcsc íivc Lhings:

The First: Onc musL bc opcn Lo rccciving whaL Lhc univcrsc has Lo oíícr,
LhaL can bc rcally hard íor somconc. Or a pcrson cannoL cvcn conccivc oí Lhc
conccpL. A pcrson may íccl paralyzcd wiLh all Lhc papcrwork on Lhcir dcsk and
can'L movc íorward. Thcy íccl unproducLivc and Lhcn procrasLinaLc. Thcy mighL
íccl unmoLivaLcd. Thcy'rc dcíiniLcly going Lo íccl írusLraLcd mcnLally. Thcy'rc
going Lo bc anxious cmoLionally and Lhcy'rc going Lo íccl Lhc ¨wcighL" oí Lhc
cluLLcr physically. ThaL's a guaranLcc. BuL hcrc's somcLhing Lhcy can do. For
cxamplc somconc mighL wanL Lo íind an iLcm/Lool Lo hclp Lhcm in dc-
cluLLcring. IcL's say a íilc cabincL íor Lhcir oííicc, iL can bc as simplc as LhaL.
InsLcad oí bcing sLrcsscd LhaL Lhcy don'L havc LhaL parLicular iLcm, changc the
Stepping Stones to Success

168

Lhinking. As Lhcy bcgin Lo Lhink abouL whaL Lhcy nccd, rcally Lhinking abouL iL,
and arc opcn Lo rccciving whaL Lhc univcrsc has Lo oíícr. Who knows Lhcy
mighL comc across jusL whaL Lhcy nccd by íinding iL ciLhcr in a ncwspapcr or
via íricnd. You ncvcr know.
Hcrc is onc grcaL sourcc LhaL I usc all Lhc Limc and iL's callcd
www.Frcccyclc.org and anoLhcr onc is www.craigslisL.org Havc you hcard oí
any oí Lhosc`

WRIGHT
I'vc hcard oí CraigslisL.

FELTON
Frcccyclc is Lhc samc Lhing. IL has cvcryLhing ouL Lhcrc íor írcc LhaL pcoplc
wanL Lo pass along. I usc iL all Lhc Limc and I'vc dcmonsLraLcd using Lhis
proccss on my 200S–2000 blog, www.sallicíclLon.wordprcss.com. I go Lhrough
all Lhc sLcps on how Lo dccluLLcr, rcusc, and rccyclc by using Frcccyclc and
craigslist

Second: Pcoplc nccd Lo makc physical spacc íor whaL Lhcy wanL, bc iL a ncw
inLcrcsL, acLiviLy, or a hobby. WhaL do you nccd Lo supporL Lhis ncw inLcrcsL,
acLiviLy, or hobby`
Say, íor cxamplc, you wanL an arca Lo puL all your books bccausc you mighL
bc a mcmbcr oí a book club. Do you nccd Lo makc spacc íor a bookshclí, do you
nccd a wriLing Lablc or a placc whcrc can you puL iLcms Lo supporL LhaL or oLhcr
inLcrcsLs` WhaL do you Lhink Lhis would do íor your ¨inncr" voicc or your
mind` IL would bc upliíLing. Now you'vc bcgun a slow proccss oí dc-cluLLcring
írom Lhc insidc ouL, you'vc bcgun Lo Lhink abouL a soluLion, and now you'rc
going Lo bcgin Lo Lakc acLion Lo supporL your nccds.

Third: CrcaLc Limc.
CrcaLc Limc in your calcndar, jusL as you makc an appoinLmcnL in your
calcndar íor docLor visiLs, which wc all do. You arc jusL as imporLanL. Thc
majoriLy oí us ncvcr canccl a docLor's appoinLmcnL unlcss wc havc jury duLy or
Sallie Felton

169

an cmcrgcncy. I don'L—I know whaL iL's likc Lo Lry and rcschcdulc anoLhcr! IL's
LhaL imporLanL noL Lo canccl an appoinLmcnL wiLh yoursclí. You mark in ink
your appoinLmcnL on a physical calcndar or noLc Lhc daLc in your BlackBcrry.
By lisLing all Lhosc appoinLmcnLs, mccLings, or daLcs in your mind, you'rc
clcaring your mcnLal cluLLcr. Makc scnsc`

WRIGHT
AbsoluLcly.

FELTON
IL rcally docs.

Fourth: Bc your auLhcnLic sclí.
Iovc yoursclí, jusL as you arc. Do whaL you likc Lo do and nurLurc your
wanLs and your nccds. Bc gcnLlc wiLh yoursclí. Ií ciLhcr in a rclaLionship or by
making spacc in your housc íor anoLhcr pcrson, you havc Lo ask yoursclí, ¨Is
Lhcrc spacc in my hcarL`" Thosc arc Lhc hard qucsLions. SomcLimcs Lhcrc is so
much mcnLal or cmoLional cluLLcr LhaL pcoplc don'L know whaL Lhcy rcally wanL
in Lhcir hcarL. This is Lhc pcríccL Limc in Lhcir livcs Lo íind whaL Lhcy wanL.
How do you do iL` You wriLc iL down in a journal: “What is it that I want to come
into my life?” Bc spcciíic, and I mcan bc pcríccLly clcar.

• WhaL is iL you wanL`
• Whcn do you wanL iL`
• WhaL docs iL look likc`
• WhaL docs iL íccl likc`
• WhaL docs iL smcll likc`

You'vc goL Lo bc drop dcad clcar. What is your vision?

Fifth: IL's Limc Lo commiL Lo acLion.
Kccping a journal is Lhc íirsL Lool Lo kccp you on Lrack and commiLLcd. Fvcry
day, Lhink oí onc small sLcp you can Lakc LhaL will lcad you Lo your goal. IL can
Lakc as liLLlc as only íivc minuLcs a day, David. BuL hcrc's Lhc kcy: you will bc
Stepping Stones to Success

170

jusL LhaL much closcr Lo your goal by Laking smallcr sLcps Lhan onc hugc lcap.
WhaL do you Lhink LhaL would íccl likc` Onc sLcp closcr íccls prcLLy good.

WRIGHT
You spcak oí Lhc proccss, whaL abouL Lhosc individuals who can'L sLay
íocuscd on a projccL and conLinuc Lo bc írusLraLcd wiLh Lhc cluLLcr around Lhcm
or in Lhcir hcads` Is Lhis mcnLal or cmoLional cluLLcr`

FELTON
I bclicvc boLh Lo somc dcgrcc—mcnLally and cmoLionally írusLraLing, which
can bring abouL Lhc anxicLy oí Lhc cmoLion. Dc-cluLLcring is cspccially hard íor
Lhosc who havc ADD.
We havc a workshop cach íirsL Thursday oí Lhc monLh whcrc callcrs will join
us on a conícrcncc linc Lo sharc Lhcir írusLraLions, problcms, cLc. By Lhc Limc
Lhcy lcavc Lhc call, Lhcy havc an acLion plan and arc accounLablc Lo lcLLing us
know whcn Lhcy havc complcLcd Lhc Lask. This has bccn so bcncíicial íor Lhosc
who nccd LhaL cxLra supporL, advicc, and accounLabiliLy piccc.

Four Steps to Tackle the Clutter

One: ScL somc Limc asidc.
IL could bc íiíLccn minuLcs, an hour, buL no morc Lhan Lhrcc hours. You
mighL ask why do I say LhaL` We want success here, wc don'L wanL íailurc—we
want success. You can play your íavoriLc CD, buL only commiL Lo clcaring Lhc
cluLLcr unLil Lhc CD is ovcr. Again, wc wanL succcss. Usually iL Lakcs íorLy-íivc
minuLcs Lo an hour bcíorc a CD is íinishcd. IL is absoluLcly ncccssary Lo limiL
disLracLions. So ií you nccd Lo go Lo Lhc baLhroom, caL somcLhing bcíorc you
sLarL, or grab somcLhing Lo drink, do so. Thc poinL is wc don'L wanL you Lo look
aL your compuLcr, your lapLop, answcr your ccll phonc, your landlinc, Lhc
doorbcll, look aL your BlackBcrry, or do anyLhing clsc. And don'L cvcn Lry
LcxLing! Wc wanL you Lo bcgin Lhc projccL wiLh no disLracLions aL all.

Second: Whcrc do you sLarL`
Sallie Felton

171

Ií you havc physical cluLLcr, sLarL and choosc a small arca, íor cxamplc, onc
drawcr. Don'L look aL Lhc cnLirc room. Iook aL onc shclí, noL Lhc cnLirc closcL.
Choosc an arca LhaL, whcn organizcd, will givc you Lhc mosL rclicí or Lhc mosL
plcasurc. By sLarLing small you will havc Lhc saLisíacLion oí complcLion. Ií you
havc Limc lcíL ovcr, you can movc on Lo somcLhing clsc.
Ií you havc mcnLal cluLLcr, bcgin Lo wriLc down a lisL oí all Lhc Lhings LhaL
arc lodgcd in your hcad. WhaL is LhaL mcnLal lisL` WriLc iL all down, gcL iL ouL.
Now choosc onc Lhing írom Lhc lisL LhaL you can bcgin Lo work on. Choosc jusL
one and start where you stand.
By rclcasing all Lhc cluLLcr in Lhc mind, Lhc cmoLional cluLLcr íollows. Onc
bccomcs lcss sLrcsscd, lcss burdcncd, and morc aL pcacc. This is jusL Lhc
bcginning, buL iL has lasLing rcsulLs.

Three: Makc surc whcn you choosc whcrc you sLarL LhaL you havc Lhc Lools
in placc.
WhaL Lools mighL Lhosc bc, you ask` David, íor dcaling wiLh physical cluLLer,
ií you'rc working on your bcdroom burcau, you wanL a shccL or a Lowcl Lo dump
prcsorLcd Lhings onLo iL. You will nccd morc Lhan Lhrcc boxcs Lo sorL Lhc iLcms.
One box is íor Lhc ¨givcaways," Lhc second box is íor ¨iLcms LhaL do noL bclong
in Lhis arca/room," Lhc third box is íor ¨rccycling," Lhc fourth box is íor ¨Lrash,"
and the fifth box is íor iLcms LhaL you rcally wanL Lo kccp— Lhc ¨I lovc iL"
ILcms. (Thc ncxL paragraph is going Lo show you how Lo makc Lhc dccision oí
kccping or noL kccping an iLcm.)
Ií you'rc dcaling wiLh mcnLal or cmoLional cluLLcr, you wanL a noLcpad and a
pcn Lo wriLc. You nccd Lo kccp Lhc cmoLional cluLLcr running on LhaL noLcpad,
gcL iL ouL and wriLc iL down.
Somc cxamplcs arc:
¨I íccl badly ií I givc away somcLhing AunL Susan gavc mc, buL I jusL don'L
likc Lhc nccklacc."
¨This bclongcd Lo 3oc, buL I'm noL wiLh him anymorc/wc brokc up, buL wc
had somc grcaL mcmorics."
The reality is that you do not dislikc AunL Susan by giving Lhc nccklacc Lo
somconc clsc who mighL lovc iL. She is still your aunt and you love her, it is the
Stepping Stones to Success

172

necklace you don’t like. So movc Lhc nccklacc along Lo somconc you Lhink mighL
likc iL. Now you arc dc-cluLLcring.
I havc bccn a íond bclicvcr in rc-giíLing insLcad oí kccping somcLhing
hiddcn in a drawcr or hiding iL in a closcL—and íor whaL` Wc havc always
askcd our childrcn LhaL ií wc givc Lhcm a prcscnL Lhcy rcally did noL likc, wc
wanL Lhcm Lo bc honcsL cnough Lo Lcll us. And in Lurn Lhcy havc askcd Lhc
samc oí us. Thcy can cxchangc Lhc giíL(s) wc havc givcn Lhcm íor somcLhing
clsc and wc can cxchangc our giíL(s) íor somcLhing wc mighL prcícr. I gavc a
swcaLcr Lo my daughLcr oncc LhaL was noL hcr sLylc at all. Shc gavc somcLhing
Lo mc LhaL was noL Lhc righL color or sizc. Thcrc arc Lhosc Limcs whcn Lhc
prcscnL jusL docsn'L cuL iL. First rule: do not take it personally! So insLcad oí cach
oí us having Lo go scparaLcly Lo Lhc sLorc Lo cxchangc Lhc iLcms, wc had lunch
LogcLhcr and madc a day ouL oí iL. Now LhaL's a win-win!

Four: CcLLing sLarLcd.
Thc rulc is LhaL whcn picking up physical cluLLcr, you'vc goL jusL three
seconds to make a decision! MosL pcoplc arc aghasL whcn I say Lhrcc scconds, buL
hcrc's why. Thc íirsL qucsLion you always ask yoursclí is: do I lovc iL—does it
makc mc smilc, liíL my spiriLs` To say ¨likc iL" is noL a good cnough rcason, you
havc Lo lovc iL! Thc sccond qucsLion is: do I nccd iL righL now Loday, (noL maybc
somcday)` Thc Lhird qucsLion is: is iL uscíul or, mosL imporLanLly, is iL uscíul Lo
mc` Thosc arc Lhc Lhrcc mosL imporLanL qucsLions íor dc-cluLLcring. I Lhcn
oíLcn hcar on our conícrcncc calls, ¨BuL, Sallic, I paid good moncy íor Lhis" or
"IL was on salc." I don'L disagrcc, buL is iL scrving your nccds now? Not later,
ncxL wcck, ncxL monLh or ncxL scason, but right now, this very minute?
SomcLimcs wc havc Lo Lakc a hard sLand and bc ruLhlcss in ordcr Lo movc
íorward in dc-cluLLcring.

WRIGHT
I see that de-cluLLcring boLh physically, mcnLally, and cmoLionally could
cvcn improvc Lhc saícLy oí Lhc housc, cspccially whcrc childrcn arc involvcd.
How docs iL do LhaL`

Sallie Felton

173

FELTON
It does, absolutely—Lhc lcss cluLLcr, Lhc ícwcr problcms LhaL can occur wiLh
accidcnLs, Lripping, and íalling down. FvcryLhing has a homc and cvcryLhing in
iLs placc. I hcard LhaL írom Lhc day I was born. My parcnLs said ovcr and ovcr
and ovcr, ¨Thcrc's a placc íor cvcryLhing and cvcryLhing in iLs placc." Can you
imaginc your child in Lhc middlc oí Lhc nighL wanLing somcLhing and Lripping
ovcr all Lhc Loys in his or hcr room`
Tcaching your childrcn Lo pick up aíLcr Lhcmsclvcs is criLical Lo organizing
and having Lhcm bcgin Lo Lakc picking/clcaning up as Lhcir rcsponsibiliLy. IL's
ncvcr Loo carly, David, and iL can bc donc LogcLhcr. IL docs dcpcnd on Lhc agc
oí Lhc child as Lo how much hc or shc can parLicipaLc in picking up. For Lhc
liLLlc oncs, lcL Lhcm choosc Lhc colors oí sLacking bins and LcxLurc baskcLs.
Makc cvcryLhing child-íricndly and aL Lhcir hcighL lcvcl. You wanL Lhcm ¨Lo buy
inLo Lhc proccss." In ordcr Lo do LhaL, you havc Lo allow Lhcm Lo bc a parL oí Lhc
proccss. Whcn childrcn havc íinishcd playing wiLh Lhcir Loys or an iLcm, LhaL's
Lhc Limc Lhcy nccd Lo puL Lhcir ¨íinishcd" Loys back whcrc Lhcy íound Lhcm. I
doubL you ask your íamily Lo pick up aíLcr you, so iL is only righL wc Lcach
responsibiliLy íor caring íor our own posscssions or bclongings. Wc havc Lo
modcl Lhc samc bchavior ií wc wanL our childrcn Lo do Lhc samc.
Again, spcaking in rcgards Lo saícLy and cluLLcr, whaL abouL Lowcls lcíL on
Lhc baLhroom íloor LhaL could causc somconc Lo slip` Havc a hook aL your
childrcn's lcvcl. Now you'rc íosLcring rcsponsibiliLy. WhaL a wondcríul valuc Lo
bc Lcaching Lhcm—lcLLing Lhcm bcgin Lo carc íor Lhcmsclvcs. This builds
Lrcmcndous pridc. This is cmpowcring.
Also, David, clcaning Lhc homc oííicc is LoLally diíícrcnL írom organizing Lhc
rcsL oí Lhc housc. Organizing Lhc housc is abouL puLLing cvcryLhing back in iLs
original closcL, cubby, drawcr, or shclí. Clcaning Lhc homc oííicc is looking aL
an arca írom a mcLavicw pcrspccLivc. Visualizc yoursclí being high above your
oííicc looking down (Lhis is whaL I mcan by a mcLavicw). WhaL would iL look
likc`
Namc cvcryLhing LhaL you would likc Lo havc in Lhis room and why. Whcrc
would cvcryLhing go and how would you uLilizc all Lhc nooks and crannics oí
this spacc in your homc oííicc Lo maximizc Lhc spacc` For cxamplc, dcsk, chair,
Stepping Stones to Success

174

compuLcr, íax, phonc, íilcs, bookcasc—whcrc would all oí Lhcsc íiL Lo suiL your
cxacL nccds` ThaL's organizing. Bcing íorward-Lhinking and proacLivc is
maximizing cvcry inch oí your homc oííicc Lo iLs opLimal advanLagc.
This is Lhc room whcrc busincss is usually pcríormcd. Ií iL's a homc oííicc
busincss, iL is crucial LhaL Lhis arca bc clcan, ncaL, wcll liL, organizcd, and
íuncLional bccausc isn'L LhaL Lhc way you wanL Lo work` Usc colors and LcxLurcs
LhaL work íor you, noL íor somcbody clsc. You arc Lhc onc in Lhis cnvironmcnL
mosL oí your day. You'll bc much morc íocuscd and willing Lo Lakc on cvcn Lhc
hcavicsL loads and Lasks ií Lhis arca is sLrcamlincd and ílowing. How wondcríul
would LhaL bc` Now Lcll mc how you mighL bc íccling whcn you siL down Lo
work!
IL is all abouL balancc. Do you lovc whcrc you work` Do you lovc Lhc spacc
you'rc working in` WhaL would you changc Lo makc iL your own`
I work in a homc oííicc LhaL ovcrlooks my gardcn. IL has a small lily pond, a
waLcríall, birdíccdcrs, and birdhouscs. IL has ílowcring Lrccs and pcrcnnials
LhaL bloom and íill Lhc air wiLh Lhcir pcríumc LhroughouL Lhc scason. So I gcL
ycars' worLh oí plcasurc írom all my scnscs hcrc in my oííicc. This is exactly
whcrc I wanL Lo bc. This is whcrc I sLay calm, íocuscd, and rooLcd. NaLurc is
vcry imporLanL in my liíc. So whcrcvcr you arc, you nccd Lo makc iL your own.
IL's so imporLanL.

WRIGHT
Wcll I rcally apprcciaLc whaL you'vc said. Now I undcrsLand how physical,
mcnLal, and cmoLional cluLLcr arc Licd inLo cach oLhcr. Do mosL pcoplc alrcady
know Lhis or am I Lhc only onc who hasn'L íigurcd iL ouL`

FELTON
No, Lhcrc arc a loL oí pcoplc who arcn'L awarc oí Lhis. Thcy Lhink LhaL
physical cluLLcr is jusL physical and LhaL mcnLal and cmoLional cluLLcr arc onc
and Lhc samc, buL Lhcy'rc noL. Thcy'rc inLcrLwincd Lo a largc dcgrcc, buL
showing how Lo dc-cluLLcr makcs pcoplc's livcs so much casicr, physically,
mcnLally, and cmoLionally.
I sLrongly cncouragc any oí your rcadcrs who wish Lo discuss Lhcir issuc oí
cluLLcr Lo conLacL mc. I do and will absoluLcly bc Lhcrc Lo answcr Lhcir c-mails
Sallie Felton

175

aL SallicøSallicFclLonIiícCoach.com. Ií Lhcy prcícr Lo call mc, Lhcy can. My
numbcr is aL Lhc cnd oí Lhis chapLcr. I would bc morc Lhan happy Lo hclp Lhcm
unload as I say, ¨Lhcir burdcn oí cluLLcr." I'vc hclpcd hundrcds and I know I can
hclp Lhcm Loo. I guaranLcc iL. All Lhcy nccd arc Lhc Lools and Lhc supporL Lo gcL
sLarLcd. You ncvcr know whaL Lrcasurc awaiLs you—a clcan spacc, a clcarcr
mind, and a scnsc oí pcacc. WhaL clsc could you íind in LhaL Lrcasurc chcsL`

WRIGHT
So whaL arc Lhc laLcsL or ncwcsL Lrcnds in producLs on Lhc markcL in Lcrms
oí homc organizaLion` Would LhaL hclp Lhosc who arc íccling mcnLally
disorganizcd Lo bc morc physically organizcd`

FELTON
Hcrc arc somc idcas: For Lhc homc oííicc, Lhcrc is a íiling Lcchniquc callcd
¨Taming Lhc Papcr Tigcr" by Barbara Hcmphill. Hcr Wcb siLc is
producLivccnvironmcnL.com. This is a Lool íor pcoplc who wanL Lo spcnd lcss
Limc looking íor iníormaLion and managing papcr. This is a grcaL siLc and I'vc
uscd iL.
AnoLhcr onc comcs írom Lhc ConLaincr SLorc and a loL oí pcoplc likc Lo usc
clcar scc-Lhrough conLaincrs and LransluccnL LoLcs. Thcy'rc abouL Lcn Lo íiíLccn
dollars cach. ThaL Wcb siLc is ConLaincrSLorc.com. For grcaL conLaincrs and
bins, Ikca has somc wondcríul oncs and Lhcir Wcb siLc is Ikca.com. For baskcLs,
conLaincrs, and rugs, TargcL has somc íabulous oncs, and Lhcir Wcb siLc is
TargcL.com.
WhaL abouL íor upscalc conLaincrs or woodcn buckcLs` I havc íound somc
bcauLiíul oncs aL www.PoLLcryBarn.com and Crate and Barrel
(www.CraLcandBarrcl.com). And in our ncw c-book, Clutter Free and Clear: Take
Charge of your Time and Space! a how-Lo book Lo simpliíy your liíc, wc havc Lwo
hundrcd and scvcnLy pagcs oí how Lo dcal wiLh physical, mcnLal, and cmoLional
cluLLcr. IL's co-wriLLcn by cighL auLhors and mysclí, wc arc all cxpcrLs in our
íiclds. All your rcadcrs havc Lo do is simply go Lo www.cluLLcrírccandclcar.com.
Hcrc Lhcy gcL a chancc Lo rcad abouL Lhc Lopic oí cluLLcr, whaL iL cnLails,
rcadcrs' LcsLimonials/rcvicws, and all Lhc free bonuscs givcn by cach oí Lhc
Stepping Stones to Success

176

auLhors. IL has ovcr LwcnLy-íivc workshccLs and cxcrciscs Lo hclp you dcal wiLh
your cluLLcr írom Lhc insidc ouL. Wc guaranLcc you won'L bc disappoinLcd—you
cvcn gcL your moncy back ií you don'L likc iL.

WRIGHT
Well, Sallie this has bccn a grcaL convcrsaLion. I always cnjoy Lalking wiLh
you. I always lcarn a loL and you always makc mc wanL Lo go in and clcan up my
oííicc, which is Loo dirLy now Lo sLarL. You'll havc Lo comc and hclp mc.

FELTON
I know Lhc íccling, David, I so know Lhc íccling.

WRIGHT
This has bccn a grcaL opporLuniLy íor our rcadcrs Lo lcarn somc grcaL
iníormaLion and somc spcciíic iníormaLion LhaL will hclp Lhcm. I rcally
apprcciaLc all Lhis Limc you'vc Lakcn wiLh mc Lhis morning.

FELTON
David, iL has bccn my honor and plcasurc Lo givc back Lo Lhc rcadcrs as
much iníormaLion as I can Lo gcL Lhcm sLarLcd. IcL mc cnd by quoLing írom
Brian Tracy:

¨You will íind iL casicr Lo do a singlc small piccc
oí a largc projccL Lhan Lo sLarL on Lhc wholc job."

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh Sallic FclLon. Sallic is an inLcrnaLional radio
Lalk show hosL, a íully ccrLiíicd liíc coach, a LransiLional spccialisL, and co-
auLhor who uscs hcr clicnLs' individual sLrcngLhs Lo crcaLc a supporL íor Lhcir
liíc goals.
Sallie, thank you so much íor bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to
Success.


Sallie Felton

177

FELTON
David, iL's always my plcasurc Lo Lalk wiLh you, Lhank you oncc again íor
having mc.


178


A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
SALLIE FELTON is living prooí LhaL pcoplc can go Lhrough a major liíc
changc and noL only survivc, buL Lhrivc. AíLcr ycars oí írusLraLion and
scarching íor hcr purposc shc dccidcd Lo lcavc hcr propcr Yankcc upbringing,
LradiLional cducaLion, and compcLiLivc sporLs carccr Lo pursuc hcr Lruc
passions. IL's bccn LwcnLy ycars and shc hasn'L lookcd back. Now shc is hclping
oLhcrs do Lhc samc. Sallic is an inLcrnaLional radio Lalk show hosL, íully
ccrLiíicd CMC, PCC Iiíc Coach, TransiLional SpccialisL, and co-auLhor who uscs
hcr clicnLs' individual sLrcngLhs Lo crcaLc and supporL Lhcir liíc goals. Through
one-on-onc and group coaching shc has hclpcd Lhousands, as shc says Lo hcr
clicnLs, ¨lcL's sLarL whcrc you sLand."


SALLIE FELTON
P.O. Box 264
HamilLon, MA 0l036
978-626-0090
sallicøsallicíclLonliíccoach.com
www.sallicíclLonliíccoach.com


179



C HA P T E R T WE L V E
Succcssíully Dcaling wiLh
Multiple CcncraLions
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . John Morrissey
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc’re Lalking wiLh 3ohn Morrissey, a rccognizcd cxpcrL in Lhc íicld oí
gcncraLional divcrsiLy. Hc draws upon thirty-íivc ycars oí Lcaching, corporaLc
rcscarch, and Lraining cxpcricncc Lo undcrsLand Lhc issucs oí Loday’s complcx
workplacc. 3ohn was an award-winning high school and collcgc Lcachcr íor
LwcnLy-íivc ycars bcíorc hc madc Lhc swiLch Lo Lhc corporaLc world in l000.
Sincc Lhcn hc has dcvclopcd a passion íor corporaLc lcadcrship and
managcmcnL programs. A mcmbcr oí Lhc NaLional Spcakcrs AssociaLion, 3ohn
is a sought-aíLcr spcakcr and Lraincr across Lhc counLry. He is also an avid
spcakcr and wish-granLcr íor Lhc Makc-a-Wish FoundaLion.
3ohn, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

Stepping Stones to Success

180

JOHN MORRISSEY (MORRISSEY)
Thank you vcry much David, iL's good Lo bc hcrc.

WRIGHT
So jusL whaL arc Lhc diíícrcnL gcncraLions Loday`

MORRISSEY
For Lhc íirsL Limc in hisLory, Lhcrc arc íour gcncraLions in Lhc workplacc
instead oí jusL Lhc usual Lhrcc. In a nuLshcll, Lhcy arc:

! Traditionalists—born pre-l046 (agc 64 and oldcr). Thcrc arc 75 million oí
Lhcm in Lhc UniLcd SLaLcs, which is abouL 25 pcrccnL oí Lhc populaLion.
! Baby Boomers—born 1946–l064 (agc 45–63). Thcrc arc S0 million, which is
abouL 30 pcrccnL oí Lhc populaLion.
! Generation X—born 1965–l0S0 (agc 20–44). Thcrc arc 46 million, which is
abouL l5 pcrccnL oí Lhc populaLion.
! Millennials—born posL l0S0 (2S and youngcr). Thcrc arc S0 million, which is
abouL 30 pcrccnL oí Lhc populaLion.

Thosc pcoplc born in Lhc íirsL or lasL íivc ycars oí any gcncraLion arc callcd
¨Cuspcrs" (born ¨on Lhc Cusp") or ¨Twccncrs" (born ¨in bcLwccn"), and
probably Lakc on aLLribuLcs oí boLh gcncraLions.

WRIGHT
So why is Lhis Lopic rccciving so much aLLcnLion now`

MORRISSEY
Wc'rc all looking íor ways Lo gcL along, boLh insidc and ouLsidc oí Lhc
workplacc. This is rcally anoLhcr way Lo look aL divcrsiLy. Wc'rc noL Lrying Lo
caLcgorizc pcoplc hcrc—wc'rc jusL Lrying our bcsL Lo undcrsLand oLhcrs. WhaL
is iL likc Lo bc Irish-Amcrican or Aírican-Amcrican` Arc mcn rcally írom Mars
and womcn rcally írom Vcnus` WhaL arc Lhc ramiíicaLions oí growing up in Lhc
SouLhcrn parL oí our counLry or Lhc NorLh or Lhc FasL or Lhc WcsL` Thcsc arc
all potential indicaLors oí bchaviors, valucs, inLcrcsLs, cLc. Now, undcrsLanding
Lhc gcncraLional mix can hclp us rclaLc Lo cach oLhcr. A divcrsc group will
John Morrissey
!
181

ouLpcríorm a homogcnous group cvcry Limc. Wc wanL a mixLurc oí gcncraLions
in our workplacc Lo bc succcssíul. DiíícrcnL cxpcricnccs and diíícrcnL
pcrspccLivcs brccd highcr succcss. ThaL's why Lhis Lopic is criLical Loday.
This Lopic is also rccciving a loL oí aLLcnLion Loday bccausc wc havc pcoplc
who arc sLaying aL work pasL agc sixLy-íivc and scvcnLy and scvcnLy-íivc. Wc
also havc youngcr pcoplc coming inLo Lhc workplacc aL LwcnLy-Lwo, LwcnLy-
íivc, LwcnLy-scvcn ycars old and LhaL's crcaLing quiLc a uniquc mix, so LhaL's
anoLhcr rcason why you'll hcar a loL morc aLLcnLion paid Lo Lhis Lopic laLcly.

WRIGHT
Will you sum up a ¨TradiLionalisL" íor our rcadcrs`

MORRISSEY
Ycs I'd lovc Lo. Dcmographcrs can'L sccm Lo agrcc on whaL Lo call Lhis group.
You will also hcar Lhcm callcd Scniors, VcLcrans, MaLurcs, Buildcrs, CI
CcncraLion, SilcnL CcncraLion, CrcaL CcncraLion, and morc. 3usL rcalizc LhaL
no maLLcr whaL Lhcy arc callcd, wc'rc Lalking abouL Lhc samc gcncraLion. Thcy
wcrc born prc-l046 so LhaL makcs Lhcm sixLy-íour and oldcr in agc and Lhcrc
are about seventy-íivc million oí Lhcm. ThaL's abouL 25 pcrccnL oí our currcnt
population here in the United States, so they are a very large group—a group
noL Lo bc dismisscd.
As a maLLcr oí íacL, Lhc TradiLionalisLs havc pcrhaps Lhc mosL discrcLionary
spcnding Loday, morc Lhan any oLhcr group. Thcy'rc spcnding moncy, noL so
much on Lhcmsclvcs, bccausc Lhcy ncvcr did spcnd much moncy on
Lhcmsclvcs, buL Lhcy arc Laking grcaL dclighL in spcnding moncy on Lhcir kids,
and on Lhcir grandkids.
Thcy arc also sLaying in Lhc workplacc longcr, pasL agc sixLy-íivc. Or Lhcy'rc
going out and íinding jobs LhaL arc morc saLisíying and lcss sLrcssíul Lhan Lhcir
carccrs. For cxamplc, insLcad oí spcnding cach day íishing, I know oí a scvcnLy-
year-old who works parL-Limc in a sporLing goods sLorc in Lhc íishing
dcparLmcnL. I also rcccnLly mcL a sixLy-eight-year-old íormcr posLal workcr
who works as a grccLcr aL a WalL Disncy World rcsLauranL. His grandkids visiL
him Lwicc a ycar írom across Lhc counLry and Lhcy gcL Lo go Lo Disncy World íor
írcc—¨Crandpa works íor Disncy!"
Stepping Stones to Success

182

TradiLionalisLs in Lhc workplacc havc a Lcndcncy Lo bc cxLrcmcly loyal and
dcdicaLcd. Think ¨Pcarl Harbor," which many oí Lhcm rcmcmbcr írom Lhcir
íormaLivc ycars. Thosc Limcs LaughL Lhcm sacriíicc, honor, duLy, vision, and
valucs.
So in Lhc workplacc, cvcn Loday, bccausc oí LhaL cxpcricncc, Lhcy havc a
Lcndcncy Lo bc vcry loyal Lo Lhc company, jusL likc Lhcy'rc vcry loyal Lo Lhc
counLry, and vcry hard-working pcoplc. Thcy don'L wasLc, Lhcy savc a loL, and
many oí Lhc characLcrisLics wc íind Lhcm using in Lhc workplacc Loday can bc
Lraccd back Lo LhaL World War II gcncraLion.
Finally, don'L dismiss Lhis group as bcing ¨ouL Lo pasLurc." Thcy can sLill bc
acLivc in Lhc workplacc íor many ycars. For cxamplc, Mikc Wallacc, who
íoundcd Lhc 60 Minutes Lclcvision ncws program, jusL wcnL ¨part-Limc" lasL
ycar as a rcporLcr on LhaL show, and hc's nincLy-onc ycars old!

WRIGHT
How abouL Lhc Baby Boomcrs`

MORRISSEY
Thc Baby Boomcrs, somcLimcs callcd Lhc ¨Mc CcncraLion" or Lhc
¨WoodsLock CcncraLion," wcrc born bcLwccn l046 and l064. AíLcr World War
II, Lhcrc was a boom in our baby populaLion, which lasLcd cighLccn ycars. Thcrc
arc cighLy million Boomcrs, which is 30 pcrccnL oí our populaLion. For many
ycars, mosL pcoplc assumcd LhaL Lhis would bc Lhc largcsL gcncraLion, as Lhc
largc íamilics oí Lhc l050s and l060s goL much smallcr in Lhc '70s. BuL Lhcrc
will bc anoLhcr gcncraLion LhaL maLchcs Lhc sizc oí Lhc Boomcrs (morc on LhaL
laLcr).
Whcn Lhinking oí Baby Boomcrs, Lhink ¨3FK assassinaLion," and poliLical
unrest, the protests, the individualiLy, Lhc ¨buck Lhc sysLcm" aLLiLudc, changc,
cLc. Bccausc Baby Boomcrs camc oí agc in Lhosc ycars, in Lhc workplacc Loday
Lhcy havc a Lcndcncy Lo bc vcry acLivc and vcry scrvicc oricnLcd. Rcmcmbcr
whcn 3ohn F. Kcnncdy íirsL bccamc prcsidcnL hc sLarLcd Lhc Pcacc Corp, so Lhis
gcncraLion was a gcncraLion oí volunLccring and Lhinking ¨whaL can wc do Lo
makc Lhc plancL bcLLcr," cLc. IL's a vcry drivcn gcncraLion, vcry good aL
rclaLionships aL work (buL noL so good wiLh rclaLionships aL homc, as Lhis
John Morrissey
!
183

generation invcnLcd Lhc Lcrm ¨workaholic" and rcachcd a 50 pcrccnL divorcc
raLc).
Today, Baby Boomcrs arc grcaL Lcam playcrs and lovc Lo íorm commiLLccs
and havc mccLings, much Lo Lhc chagrin oí Lhc youngcr gcncraLions, who arc
oíLcn pronc Lo say, ¨Can somconc plcasc jusL makc a dccision` Why do wc havc
Lo havc so many mccLings`" Baby Boomcrs will sLill bc around Lhc workplacc
íor a whilc, as Lhcy arc noL naLurally budgcL-mindcd, and pcrhaps losL Lhc mosL
savings in Lhc rcccnL cconomy wocs.

WRIGHT
How abouL summing up Lhc Ccn X'crs`

MORRISSEY
CcncraLion X, somcLimcs callcd Lhc ¨NcxL CcncraLion," is Lhc smallcsL
gcncraLion in Lhc workplacc Loday. Thcy wcrc born bcLwccn l065 and l0S0
and Lhcy makc up only abouL íorLy-six million oí Lhc populaLion. During Lhis
Limc, morc pcoplc clccLcd Lo havc ícwcr kids, birLh conLrol was on Lhc risc, and
many young pcoplc waiLcd longcr Lo gcL marricd.
To undcrsLand Ccn X'crs bcLLcr, Lhink ¨Challcngcr cxplosion." Whcn Lhcy
camc oí agc, parLicularly in Lhc laLc '70s, Lhc sysLcm was brokcn. Wc had a poor
cconomy, Lhcy wcrc Lhc íirsL ¨laLchkcy kids" bccausc boLh parcnLs wcrc usually
working, inLcrcsL raLcs wcrc high, gas priccs wcrc high, cLc. A loL oí Lhc kids oí
Lhis gcncraLion had Lo ícnd íor Lhcmsclvcs. So Lhis gcncraLion has a Lcndcncy
Lo bc cynical and sarcasLic, ycL aL Lhc samc Limc, a highly indcpcndcnL
gcncraLion.
I íccl Lhc mosL íor Lhis gcncraLion bccausc Lhcy grcw up during somc hard
Limcs, buL noL many pcoplc sccm Lo rccognizc Lhis. Thc Limcs wcrcn'L as hard
as the Depression oí Lhc l030s, buL Lhis gcncraLion pullcd Lhcmsclvcs up by
Lhcir own booLsLraps and, as wcll as bcing indcpcndcnL, arc now adapLablc,
Lcchno-liLcraLc, uninLimidaLcd by auLhoriLy, and highly crcaLivc.

WRIGHT
Will you sum up Lhc ncw guys, Lhc Millcnnials`

Stepping Stones to Success

184

MORRISSEY
Ah ycs! Iikc Lhc TradiLionalisLs, nobody sccms Lo agrcc on whaL Lo call Lhis
group. You hcar Lhcm callcd CcncraLion Y, Fcho Boomcrs, NcL CcncraLion,
DigiLal CcncraLion, DoL.com CcncraLion, and Lhc iPod CcncraLion. 3usL lasL
wcck I hcard Lhcm rcícrcnccd as Lhc íirsL Lruc Clobal CcncraLion. So no maLLcr
whaL Lhcy'rc callcd, wc'rc always Lalking abouL Millcnnials. Thcrc arc abouL
cighLy million oí Lhcm, similar in sizc Lo Lhc Baby Boomcrs. Thcy wcrc born
bcLwccn l0S0 and 2000.
To understand this gcncraLion in a nuLshcll, Lhink ¨0/ll" or Lhc LcrrorisL
aLLacks. Bccausc oí LhaL day, Millcnnials rcalizc liíc is ílccLing, livc íor Loday,
hclp oLhcrs, cxpcricncc as much as possiblc now. Thcy havc a Lcndcncy Lo bc
vcry opLimisLic, Lhcy'rc ambiLious, Lhcy'vc goL mulLi-Lasking capabiliLics,
Lhcy'rc vcry Lcchnologically savvy, and Lhcy'rc vcry cnLrcprcncurial.
This gcncraLion is Lhc onc wc know Lhc lcasL abouL and iL's Lhc onc LhaL I
íind LhaL I Lalk abouL Lhc mosL as I makc my prcscnLaLions. IL's Lhc onc that
pcoplc havc Lhc mosL qucsLions abouL. A loL oí pcoplc cxpccL Lhis gcncraLion Lo
bc in Lroublc bccausc oí school shooLings, sLrong ¨drug, scx, and rock and roll"
inílucnccs, violcnL vidco gamcs, cLc. BuL my rcscarch has shown LhaL Lhis is a
generation oí ncw coníidcncc, Lhcy'rc upbcaL, Lhcy'rc íull oí sclí-csLccm, and
Lhcy'rc Lhc mosL cducaLion-mindcd gcncraLion in hisLory. FurLhcr, Lhcy'rc
paving Lhc way Lo a morc opcn and LolcranL socicLy, and Lhcy'rc crcaLing a ncw
wavc oí volunLccrism. I mcnLioncd Lhc Baby Boomcrs and Pcacc Corps carlicr
and, as a maLLcr oí íacL, Lhc Pcacc Corps is cnjoying a rcsurgcncc Loday íor Lhc
íirsL Limc sincc Lhc l060s, and iL's bccausc oí Lhis young gcncraLion.
Whcn you look dcmographically aL Lhcm, Lccn arrcsLs arc down, drug use is
down, drunk-driving accidcnLs arc down, Lccn prcgnancy raLcs arc down, Lccn
aborLion raLcs arc down, and high school dropouL raLcs arc down. So Lhis
Millcnnial CcncraLion may vcry wcll provc Lo bc Lhc bcsL gcncraLion ycL in Lhc
UniLcd SLaLcs. This is good ncws Lo Lhosc oí us who arc oldcr bccausc wc wcrc
sLarLing Lo worry abouL Lhis ncw gcncraLion.

WRIGHT
So arc Lhc Millcnnials Lhc samc as Lhc Ccn X'crs`

John Morrissey
!
185

MORRISSEY
You know, LhaL's a misLakc LhaL a loL oí us Baby Boomcrs and TradiLionalisLs
makc. Ií you'rc ovcr íiíLy, as I am, wc havc a Lcndcncy Lo Lhink oí young pcoplc
as young pcoplc. BuL Lhc rcaliLy is LhaL Lhcy arc Lwo vcry disLincL, vcry diíícrcnL
gcncraLions. Ccn X'crs havc a wholc scL oí cxpcricnccs, cxpccLaLions, and
qualiLics, whcrcas Lhc Millcnnials arc a vcry diíícrcnL gcncraLion. Whcn wc
undcrsLand LhaL, wc can look aL Lhcm, rclaLc Lo Lhcm diíícrcnLly, and
undcrsLand Lhcm much morc.

WRIGHT
So whaL abouL Lhc gcncraLion born aíLcr 2000`

MORRISSEY
ThaL's an inLcrcsLing qucsLion I oíLcn gcL írom Ccn X'crs who now havc kids
who arc six, cighL, Lcn ycars old. I call Lhc kids who wcrc born aíLcr 2000 Lhc
¨AughLs," mcaning Lhcy wcrc born in '0l, '02, '03 and so on.
By 20lS, which isn'L LhaL íar away, Lhcy say wc'll havc íivc gcncraLions in
Lhc workplacc, and morc Lhan any oLhcr gcncraLion, Lhis ncw gcncraLion oí
AughLs arc going Lo bc vcry comíorLablc wiLh divcrsiLy. A loL oí Lhc issucs and
problcms wc'vc had in Lhc pasL will bc ancicnL hisLory Lo Lhcm, now LhaL wc
havc a black prcsidcnL and a IaLina Suprcmc CourL 3usLicc.
AnyLhing wc say now abouL LhaL gcncraLion is purc spcculaLion, oí coursc.
Howcvcr, iL is gcncrally cxpccLcd LhaL Lhis upcoming gcncraLion can cxpccL
cqual pay bcLwccn gcndcrs as a norm, Lhc Limc-clock-punch mcnLaliLy will bc a
Lhing oí Lhc pasL, rcsulLs will rulc, and rccogniLion and rcward will ílow
naLurally.

WRIGHT
Which gcncraLions do you Lhink gcL along Lhc bcsL`

MORRISSEY
IL sccms LhaL Lhc íurLhcr aparL you arc írom a gcncraLion, Lhc morc you gcL
along LogcLhcr. WhaL I mcan by LhaL, íor cxamplc, is LhaL Lypically
TradiLionalisLs gcL along bcsL wiLh Millcnnials. I call iL Lhc ¨grandparcnL
Stepping Stones to Success

186

syndromc." Young kids oíLcn gcL along wiLh Lhcir grandparcnLs bcLLcr Lhan
wiLh Lhcir parcnLs.
Whcn a LwcnLy-eight-year-old Millcnnial comcs inLo Lhc workplacc, hc or
shc is noL inLimidaLcd by Lhc sixLy-three- or sixLy-íour-year-old or vicc vcrsa.
Thc sixLy-three-year-old will rcadily go Lo Lhc LwcnLy-eight-year-old and say,
¨Hclp mc wiLh c-Bay or TwiLLcring." Thc Millcnnial will rcadily go Lo Lhc
TradiLionalisL and ask, ¨WhaL's Lhc rcal sLory abouL Lhc workplacc hcrc, and
how did iL gcL LhaL way`"
Now I'll bcL you'rc going Lo ask mc, ií LhaL's Lruc, whaL arc Lhc gcncraLions
LhaL don'L gcL along`

WRIGHT
RighL, LhaL was my ncxL qucsLion. FxccpL I had a grandíaLhcr wiLh a grcaL
scnsc oí humor and ycars ago I askcd him why Lhc grandchildrcn and Lhc
grandparcnLs goL along so wcll. ¨Bccausc wc havc a common cncmy!" hc
rcplicd.

MORRISSEY
ThaL's grcaL! ThaL's Lruc isn'L iL`
You know, I havc a sLory LhaL I lovc Lo Lcll abouL LhaL. Thcrc was grandíaLhcr
who was ouL in Lhc backyard. Hc was babysiLLing his Lcn- or Lwclvc-year-old
grandson. IL was during Lhc íall and Lhcy rakcd a hugc pilc oí lcavcs. Thc boy
and his íricnds goL up on Lop oí Lhc garagc and Lhcy jumpcd inLo Lhc pilc oí
lcavcs. Crandpa was siLLing in Lhc backyard rcading Lhc papcr (anoLhcr Lhing
young kids no longcr do), and Lhc kids ycllcd, ¨Crandpa, waLch Lhis!" So Lhcy
goL up on Lhc rooí oí Lhc onc sLory garagc and Crandpa waLchcd Lhcm jump oíí
inLo Lhc pilc oí lcavcs. Thc kids laughcd and Crandpa said, ¨ThaL was a grcaL
jump—do iL again!"
3usL Lhcn, Mom camc ouL, and ycllcd, ¨WhaL arc you doing on LhaL rooí` CcL
down hcrc Lhis insLanL!" So Lhcrc is Lhc common cncmy, as you jusL mcnLioncd.
IL's íunny, bccausc Crandpa now winks aL Crandson, and Crandson winks back
aL Crandpa.
Whcn you Lransícr LhaL Lo Lhc workplacc, Lhc samc Lhing is happcning. IL's
almosL likc sibling rivalry whcn wc grcw up. I hcar írom Millcnnials, ¨Thcsc
John Morrissey
!
187

Ccn X'crs arc always looking ovcr our shouldcrs, criLicizing, or Lclling us Lo siL
down, shuL up, and pay our ducs!" Thc Ccn X'crs, on Lhc oLhcr hand, oíLcn say,
¨Thcsc Millcnnials cxpccL somcLhing íor noLhing and wanL Lo bc promoLcd
righL away!" Thc samc conílicL oíLcn happcns bcLwccn Baby Boomcrs and Ccn
X'crs.
Nowadays, cvcryonc rcally jusL wanLs a scaL aL Lhc Lablc. Do you rcmcmbcr,
as a child, gcLLing Lo siL aL Lhc big Lablc íor Thanksgiving and oLhcr holidays`

WRIGHT
NoL vcry oíLcn.

MORRISSEY
No, and you know whaL` AlmosL cvcry onc oí us was scnL Lo Lhc ¨kids' " table
or Lhc bascmcnL. As a maLLcr oí íacL, I rcmcmbcr Lhc adulLs bcing scrvcd íirsL
and Lhcn Lhc kids bcing scrvcd. MosL pcoplc ovcr LhirLy can rclaLc Lo LhaL sLory.
Wcll, Millcnnials can'L. Thcy havc saL aL Lhc Lablc cvcr sincc Lhcy goL ouL oí a
highchair. NoL only havc Lhcy saL aL Lhc Lablc, buL Lhcy'vc madc dccisions—big
dccisions. Did you cvcr siL down wiLh your parcnLs and havc Lhcm ask, ¨Whcrc
would you likc Lo go on vacaLion Lhis ycar`" No, mosL oí us, Baby Boomcrs
parLicularly, wcrc Lold Lhc day bcíorc wc'rc going Lo Lhc lakc, Lo ¨jusL bc
rcady"—you havc noLhing Lo say abouL iL. Now, wc bring Lhc kids Lo Lhc Lablc,
eight-year-olds, ten-year-olds, and ask, ¨WhaL do you Lhink—should it be
Disncy World or go Lo Lhc occan`" Thcy havc inpuL on LhaL. I havc cvcn hcard
LhaL in a loL oí íamilics, kids havc inpuL on whaL Lhc ncxL íamily car purchasc
will bc.
Now Lhcrc is somcLhing Lo bc said abouL LhaL—making dccisions as a íamily
can bc vcry hcalLhy. BuL Lhc rcason I Lcll Lhis sLory is LhaL whcn you Lransícr
LhaL Lo Lhc workplacc, and LwcnLy-íour-, LwcnLy-six-, LwcnLy-eight-year-olds
arc coming inLo Lhc workplacc wanLing Lo ¨siL aL Lhc Lablc." Wc nccd Lo lcL Lhcm
siL aL Lhc Lablc bccausc Lhcy havc a loL Lo bring. Thcy know a loL morc Lhan wc
do abouL a loL oí Lopics, parLicularly in Lhc arca oí Lcchnology. I Lhink wc rcally
nccd Lo rcLhink Lhc way wc'rc doing Lhings.
Stepping Stones to Success

188

So gcLLing back Lo Lhc original qucsLion, Lhc closcr in agc, Lhc morc
argumcnLs and disagrccmcnLs wc íind. Thc íurLhcr aparL Lhc agcs, Lhc morc
pcoplc havc a Lcndcncy Lo gcL along in Lhc workplacc.

WRIGHT
So how can wc bcsL communicaLc wiLh cach gcncraLion Lo bc succcssíul`

MORRISSEY:
In a nutshcll, hcrc arc a ícw suggcsLions:

Traditionalists:
! Focus on Lhcir knowlcdgc, cxpcrLisc, and cxpcricncc.
! Fmphasizc your company's mission, vision, and valucs.
! Thcy prcícr íormaliLy, in boLh vcrbal and wriLLcn communicaLion.
! Your word is your bond, so íocus on words raLhcr Lhan body languagc or
inícrcnccs.
! You may somcLimcs havc Lo draw honcsL convcrsaLion ouL oí Lhcm, as Lhcy
don'L likc Lo complain and arc rclucLanL Lo disagrcc.

Baby Boomers:
! Focus on pcrks and public rccogniLion.
! Rcward Lhcir work cLhic and long hours (aL Lhc samc Limc, cncouragc work/liíc
balancc).
! Civc Lhcm a chancc Lo provc Lhcmsclvcs and Lhcir worLh.
! Spcak in an opcn, dirccL sLylc buL avoid ¨conLrolling" languagc.
! Answcr Lhcir qucsLions Lhoroughly and cxpccL Lo bc prcsscd íor dcLails.

Gen X’ers:
! Use e-mail as a primary communicaLion Lool.
! Talk in shorL sound byLcs Lo kccp Lhcir aLLcnLion.
! Talk abouL Lcchnology and how Lhcy can usc iL Lo Lhcir proícssional advanLagc.
! Ask Lhcm íor íccdback and providc Lhcm wiLh rcgular íccdback.
! Usc an iníormal, convcrsaLional Lonc in your communicaLions.


John Morrissey
!
189

Millennials:
! Usc acLion words and challcngc Lhcm aL cvcry opporLuniLy (Lhcy gcL borcd
casily).
! Thcy will rcscnL iL ií you Lalk down Lo Lhcm.
! Usc humor and crcaLc a íun lcarning cnvironmcnL. Don'L Lakc yoursclí Loo
scriously.
! Focus on Lhcir íuLurc and Lic iL Lo your Lraining.
! Usc Lhcir LalcnLs righL away insLcad oí making Lhcm ¨pay Lhcir ducs" (c.g.,
cngagc Lhcm in rcvcrsc mcnLoring, lcL Lhcm mcnLor a TradiLionalisL or Boomcr
in a skill scL Lhcy'rc sLrong in).

WRIGHT
So havc Lhcrc bccn any ncw Lcrms comc ouL oí Lhc gcncraLion discussion`

MORRISSEY
Oh, Lhcrc arc a slcw oí ncw Lcrms! Somc oí Lhcm arc gcLLing Lo bc common
in vcrnacular and oLhcrs arc sLill prcLLy ncw. Hcrc arc jusL a ícw cxamplcs:

! Helicopter Parents
ParcnLs who conLinuc Lo ¨hovcr" ovcr Lhc livcs oí Lhcir kids who arc now in
Lhcir LwcnLics. IL sLarLcd in school, now, parcnLs arc calling managcrs asking,
¨Why was my child passcd ovcr íor LhaL promoLion`"

! Sandwich Generation
Many Baby Boomcrs arc caring íor Lhcir kids who havc graduaLcd írom school
and havc movcd back homc. Thcy arc also caring íor Lhcir cldcrly parcnLs. Thc
Boomcrs arc Lhc íirsL gcncraLion who will carc íor Lhcir parcnLs longcr Lhan
Lhcir parcnLs carcd íor Lhcm.

! Boomerang Kids
Kids moving back homc aíLcr living on Lhcir own íor a ícw ycars. ScvcnLy-íivc
pcrccnL oí Lhc Baby Boomcr parcnLs arc happy abouL LhaL.

! Digital Immigrants
Iooscly, anyonc oldcr Lhan LhirLy-íivc ycars old.

Stepping Stones to Success

190

! Digital Natives
Anyone under thirty-íivc ycars old.

! Old Boomer mantra
¨Don'L LrusL anyonc ovcr LhirLy."

! New Boomer mantra
¨Don'L LrusL anyonc undcr LhirLy."

! MySpace/Facebook/Twitter/YouTube/etc.
Isn'L iL inLcrcsLing LhaL Faccbook sLarLcd ouL íor jusL Millcnnial collcgc
sLudcnLs, buL now is bcing Lakcn ovcr by Baby Boomcrs. Iook íor Lhc
Millcnnials Lo sLarL somcLhing ncw. 3ohn McIaughlin, pcrhaps Lhc oldcsL
TradiLionalisL ncwscasLcr ouL Lhcrc wiLh his own Sunday morning naLional
poliLical show, Lakcs grcaL dclighL in announcing aL Lhc cnd oí his show, ¨And
you can TwiLLcr mc aL . . ."

WRIGHT
So whaL do you say Lo Lhosc who would say agc is jusL a numbcr and noL a
disLinguishing LraiL`

MORRISSEY
ThaL's a vcry good qucsLion bccausc Lhcrc has bccn somc rcccnL liLcrature
on LhaL. Oí coursc you can'L lump pcoplc LogcLhcr and agc is jusL an aLLiLudc,
wc'vc hcard LhaL íor a long Limc. You can'L say ¨all blacks Lhis" or ¨all whiLcs
LhaL" or ¨all womcn—" or ¨all mcn—" ThaL's jusL plain silly. Thcrc arc now ovcr
300 million pcoplc in Lhc UniLcd SLaLcs, and rcally, how can you lump any oí us
LogcLhcr` Thcrc arc 300 million plus bcauLiíul, wondcríul souls and spiriLs in
Lhis counLry who inhabiL Lhc bodics LhaL wc inhabiL. So ycs, cach and cvcry onc
oí us is crcaLivc and diíícrcnL and uniquc. BuL Lhcrc is somcLhing in Lhc human
mind LhaL wanLs Lo undcrsLand oLhcrs bcLLcr. So wc do puL pcoplc in groups íor
good or bad. For cxamplc, malc vcrsus ícmalc—lcL's íacc iL, Lhcrc arc somc
diíícrcnccs, wc'rc Lhc samc, ycL wc arc diíícrcnL.
IL's Lhc samc wiLh color and background and cLhniciLy. You can look aL
dcmographics and agc bccausc pcoplc arc oíLcn vcry proud Lo say, I'm noL jusL
John Morrissey
!
191

an Amcrican, I'm an Aírican Amcrican, I'm an Irish Amcrican, I'm an ILalian
Amcrican. You undcrsLand Lhc pcrson morc whcn you undcrsLand cLhniciLy
and background. Wc should rcvcl in divcrsiLy, noL ignorc iL. DivcrsiLy is
wondcríul. A divcrsc group aL work will ouLpcríorm a homogcnous group cvcry
Limc!
So agc is anoLhcr way oí gcLLing our arms around undcrsLanding cach oLhcr.

WRIGHT
Finally, whaL uniquc qualiíicaLions do you havc Lo spcak and wriLc on Lhis
Lopic`

MORRISSEY
Wcll, as you alrcady know, I LaughL high school and collcgc íor LwcnLy-íivc
ycars, and liLLlc did I know iL Lhcn, buL now, whcn I look back, I can scc LhaL
during Lhc 'S0s Lhc sLudcnLs who camc inLo my classroom wcrc CcncraLion X
sLudcnLs. In Lhc '00s, Lhc sLudcnLs I LaughL wcrc Lypically Millcnnials. Whcn I
look back now I can scc Lwo vcry diíícrcnL, disLincL groups and characLcrisLics
LhaL wc now Lalk abouL in Lhcsc gcncraLions. So I acLually cxpcricnccd Lhcm
and saw Lhcm grow up, as wcll as bcing a Baby Boomcr mysclí and having
TradiLionalisL parcnLs. I íccl LhaL I havc a closc rclaLionship wiLh and
knowlcdgc oí all oí Lhc gcncraLions.
Sincc Lcaching in Lhc 'S0's and '00's, I havc workcd wiLh a loL oí ForLunc 500
companics and I'vc bccn ablc Lo scc Lhcsc groups and Lalk wiLh Lhcsc groups
and do my own rcscarch and survcys as I Lravcl Lhc counLry. I'vc bccn ablc Lo
gaLhcr iníormaLion and havc discussions bcíorc and aíLcr my prcscnLaLions
LhaL rcally solidiíy a loL oí Lhc iníormaLion and maLcrial I Lalk abouL. I bclicvc
Lhis makcs mc uniquc.

WRIGHT
Wcll, whaL an inLcrcsLing convcrsaLion. I can always lcarn írom Lhcsc
diíícrcnL gcncraLions and you surc know how Lo puL iL in words LhaL I
undcrsLand. I couldn'L hclp Lhinking LhaL I'vc goL a daughLcr who is íorLy-eight
and a son who is íorLy-six and Lhcn I havc a LwcnLy-year-old. I had hcr whcn I
was íiíLy. I uscd Lo announcc maybc Lwo or Lhrcc days bcíorc vacaLion LhaL wc
Stepping Stones to Success

192

wcrc going Lo DayLona Bcach, Florida, buL I madc Lhc misLakc oí asking Lhc
LwcnLy-year-old lasL monLh whcrc shc wanLcd Lo go and shc said ILaly. I should
havc had Lhis convcrsaLion wiLh you scvcral monLhs ago.

MORRISSEY
I could havc cucd you up on LhaL onc. Thcy'rc ncvcr going Lo say whcrc you
Lhink, or whcrc you wanL Lo go. ThaL's íunny.
Thcrc is onc oLhcr Lhing LhaL I wanLcd Lo mcnLion, David. A loL oí Lhc
iníormaLion I prcscnL wiLhin Lhc agc groups show LhaL wc arc diíícrcnL, ycL in
many ways, wc arc all Lhc samc, cspccially in Lhc workplacc. Wc all jusL wanL a
liLLlc rcspccL, no maLLcr whaL gcncraLion wc rcprcscnL. Wc all wanL pcoplc Lo
lisLcn Lo us, wc wanL Lo ¨siL aL Lhc Lablc"—Lo hclp makc dccisions—and wc jusL
wanL pcoplc Lo bc íair and noL Lo paLronizc us. So in LhaL scnsc, Lhcrc is no
diíícrcncc bcLwccn or among Lhc gcncraLions.

WRIGHT
3ohn, I rcally apprcciaLc all Lhis Limc you'vc spcnL wiLh mc Loday Lo answcr
Lhcsc qucsLions. I havc cnjoycd iL immcnscly, cvcn Lhough LhaL's noL why wc'rc
having Lhis convcrsaLion. I'm surc our rcadcrs arc going Lo gcL a loL oí
iníormaLion írom Lhis chapLcr in our book, and I'm glad you'rc a parL oí Lhis
projccL.

MORRISSEY
Thank you vcry much David, I'vc rcally cnjoycd iL. Thanks íor Lhc
opporLuniLy!

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh 3ohn Morrisscy, an cxpcrL in Lhc íicld oí
generational divcrsiLy. Hc has a passion, as wc havc jusL íound, íor corporaLc
lcadcrship and managcmcnL programs. Hc is a soughL-aíLcr spcakcr and Lraincr
across Lhc UniLcd SLaLcs.
3ohn, Lhank you so much íor bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to
Success.

John Morrissey
!
193

MORRISSEY
IL's bccn a plcasurc, David.
194

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
JOHN MORRISSEY is a rccognizcd cxpcrL in Lhc íicld oí gcncraLional
divcrsiLy. Hc draws upon LhirLy-íivc ycars oí Lcaching, corporaLc rcscarch, and
Lraining, cxpcricncc Lo undcrsLand Lhc issucs oí Loday's complcx workplacc.
3ohn was an award-winning high school and collcgc Lcachcr íor LwcnLy ycars
bcíorc hc madc Lhc swiLch Lo Lhc corporaLc world in l000. Sincc Lhcn hc has
dcvclopcd a passion íor corporaLc lcadcrship and managcmcnL programs.
As a mcmbcr oí Lhc NaLional Spcakcrs AssociaLion, 3ohn is a soughL-aíLcr
spcakcr and Lraincr across Lhc counLry. Hc is also an avid spcakcr and wish-
granLcr íor Lhc Makc-a-Wish FoundaLion.

JOHN MORRISSEY
17171 Shirley Street
Omaha, NF 6Sl30
Oííicc: 402-502-3994, Cell: 402-980-9798
jmorrisscy2øcox.ncL
johnmorrisscyinLcrnaLional.com




195



C HA P T E R T HI R T E E N
Iiíc Balancc:
Small SLcps will gcL You Thcrc
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Indrani Goradia
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc arc Lalking wiLh Indrani Coradia, auLhor oí The Indrani Principle:
Inhale Life, Exhale Joy. Indrani is a MasLcr Iiíc Coach wiLh Dr. MarLha Bcck
IncorporaLcd, a ccrLiíicd yoga LhcrapisL and a rcgisLcrcd yoga Lcachcr. Shc is a
maraLhoncr and aL Lhc agc oí íiíLy shc lcarncd Lo swim and compcLcd in an
Olympic disLancc LriaLhlon. Shc holds a BA in CommunicaLions írom Quccn's
Collcgc in Ncw York CiLy and has complcLcd graduaLc work in organizaLional
dcvclopmcnL and inLcrpcrsonal communicaLions írom KcnL SLaLc UnivcrsiLy.
Indrani, Lhank you so much íor bcing wiLh us Loday.

INDRANI GORADIA (INDRANI)
Thank you íor having mc.

Stepping Stones to Success

196

WRIGHT
I wanL Lo gcL righL inLo Lalking abouL your book, buL jusL wanLcd Lo íirsL
íocus on somcLhing I said in your inLroducLion, which was LhaL you compcLcd
in an Olympic disLancc LriaLhlon aL agc íiíLy. I would immcdiaLcly Lhink such a
ícaL would, oí coursc, bc a succcss, buL would also Lakc you ouL oí balancc. How
was LhaL íor you`

INDRANI
AcLually, Lhc LriaLhlon was whaL broughL my liíc inLo íocus, inLo balancc.
And LhaL is whaL my liíc sLands íor—why I do whaL I do and whaL I can hclp
oLhcrs Lo achicvc.
Pcoplc look aL Lhcir limiLaLions in liíc insLcad oí Lhcir opporLuniLics. Thcy
scc clcarly Lhc cxcuscs ¨why I can'L" insLcad oí Lhc rcasons ¨why I musL."
¨Fxcuscs againsL" Lakc you ouL oí balancc whilc ¨rcasons íor" validaLc your
cxisLcncc. WiLh good rcason, wc íind our balancc in liíc and wiLh LhaL balancc
wc íind our inncr succcss.

WRIGHT
You share personal stories in The Indrani Principle. Did you know you wcrc
going Lo wriLc Lhis book onc day and would usc all Lhcsc illusLraLions as a
íormula íor succcss`

INDRANI
IL is a íormula—sLcppingsLoncs I would say—buL I don'L cvcn know ií I likc
Lhc word ¨succcss." Ycs, wc wanL Lo bc succcssíul, buL whaL you mcan by Lhc
dcíiniLion oí ¨succcssíul" and whaL I mcan mighL bc Lwo diíícrcnL Lhings. For
many womcn, succcssíul is bcing ablc Lo invcsL in Lhcmsclvcs wiLh quicL Limc,
crcaLing a hobby, or sLarLing a busincss. IL isn'L always abouL dollars and ccnLs
whcn iL comcs Lo living your drcam.
When I camc Lo Amcrica írom Trinidad pursuing collcgc, I workcd in a major
jcwclry sLorc locaLcd in Ncw York CiLy as a corporaLc salcs pcrson. I noLiccd aL
cvcry lunch hour my coworkcrs wcrc Lalking abouL Lhc ncxL bcsL rcsLauranL
LhaL Lhcy wcrc going Lo and how good iL was. I was always lcíL ouL oí Lhc
convcrsaLion bccausc I did noL havc Lwo dimcs Lo rub LogcLhcr.
Indrani Goradia
!
197

I rcally wanLcd Lo bc a parL oí LhaL world, LhaL liíc. I wanLcd Lo bclong. So I
camc upon a plan. I wcnL Lo onc oí Lhc niccr rcsLauranLs in Lhc ciLy and I lookcd
aL Lhcir dcsscrL mcnu and íigurcd LhaL íor $l0 I could ordcr dcsscrL and coíícc,
including Lax and Lip. I did LhaL íor many monLhs and discovcrcd, ¨Voila!” I was
parL oí Lhc convcrsaLion.
Would somconc say LhaL I was ¨succcssíul"` I would say LhaL I did achicvc a
lcvcl oí saLisíacLion íor mysclí by doing somcLhing LhaL madc mc inclusivc Lo
Lhc group whilc also invcsLing in mysclí. So ycs, Lo mc LhaL was a succcss. BuL
my rcal succcss was íinding balancc in my rclaLionship wiLh my coworkcrs and
balancc wiLhin mysclí Lo know I was worLh invcsLing in. From LhaL inncr-
balancc camc Lhc íccling oí achicvcmcnL and succcss.
Succcss is an insidc job noL an ouLward collccLion oí acquisiLions LhaL can
kccp you Lossing and Lurning in Lhc middlc oí Lhc nighL. NoL LhaL you can'L
havc nicc Lhings, buL Lhc poinL oí succcss is Lo livc in balancc and Lo livc in
írccdom, and bc in harmony wiLh your ¨sLuíí."
I didn'L know Lhcn LhaL I would usc my liíc cxpcricncc as cxamplcs in my
book, buL in sharing my sLorics I can rcadily scc boLh mcn and womcn who
havc similar cxpcricnccs and similar dcsircs. Morcovcr, Lhcy can clcarly scc Lhc
way Lo makc Lhc small sLcps Lurn inLo hugc lcaps in Lhcir liíc by using my
anccdoLcs as wcll as Lhcir own.

WRIGHT
I'm gcLLing inspircd jusL lisLcning Lo LhaL, maybc bccausc you makc iL sound
so simplc.

INDRANI
Wcll, iL is simplc . . . noL Lo bc coníuscd wiLh casy, buL iL is simplc
conccpLually. Wc coníusc our rolc in liíc. Wc Lcnd Lo lcL liíc dicLaLc Lo us whaL
wc can drcam and whaL wc can do. InsLcad, wc nccd Lo puL liíc on rcd alcrL Lo
whaL our drcam is and whaL wc arc doing abouL LhaL drcam. As 3ohn Icnnon
said, ¨You may say I'm a drcamcr, buL I'm noL Lhc only onc." ThaL is so Lruc.
Fvcryonc has a drcam, cvcryonc is a drcamcr, my job is Lo makc you a docr oí
Lhc drcam—Lo achicvc succcss, as you dcíinc iL, and Lo sLay in balancc wiLh LhaL
drcam. A drcam wiLhouL a Limc linc will always bc íanLasy.
Stepping Stones to Success

198

WRIGHT
Tcll mc abouL Lhc principlcs LhaL hclp onc achicvc Iiíc Balancc.

INDRANI
Pcoplc do noL achicvc Lhcir drcams and dcsircs in liíc bccausc Lhcy don'L
Lhink iL is a good idca. Thcy don'L achicvc Lhcir drcams bccausc Lhcy don'L
know how. Simplc. So I dcviscd cighL principlcs íor succcss Lhat instill the inner
coníidcncc ncccssary íor you Lo Lakc hold oí whaL you drcam and whaL you
wanL, and Lo maniícsL LhaL ycarning inLo rcaliLy whilc simulLancously kccping
you balanccd in mind, body, and spiriL.
In my book The Indrani Principle, I sysLcmaLically dcvclop a bridgc bcLwccn
you and Lhc liíc oí your drcams wiLh:

• Thc Focus Principlc—to see the destination
• Thc InLuiLivc Principlc—Lo own whaL you know
• Thc Planning Principlc—Lo crcaLc a roadmap
• Thc InLcnLion Principlc—Lo know why you wanL whaL you wanL
• Thc CrcaLion Principlc—Lo maniícsL Lhc liíc oí your drcams
• Thc FnvironmcnL Principlc—Lo gcL rid oí Loxic burdcns LhaL acL likc krypLoniLc
Lo your drcams, likc pcoplc, placcs, and cluLLcr, and Lhcn íinally,
• Thc You Principlc—Lhc audaciLy oí crcaLion
• Thc ulLimaLc principlc—Lo rcjoicc in all LhaL you arc.

All oí Lhcsc LogcLhcr acLually crcaLc Iiíc Balancc. Fvcry day wc arc moving
Loward somcLhing, whcLhcr iL is closing Lhc big dcal or brushing our LccLh. My
sLraLcgics and my principlcs hclp you Lo achicvc whaL you wanL in liíc buL
wiLhin balancc and rcason. WiLh my principlcs iL is impossiblc Lo gcL sidcways
and go ouL oí balancc cvcn whilc chasing big drcams.

WRIGHT
Okay, so lcL's say somconc has achicvcd his or hcr own liíc balancc buL
others nearby havc noL. In íacL, Lhcy arc downrighL ncgaLivc pcoplc. WhaL docs
Lhc pcrson do Lhcn`

Indrani Goradia
!
199

INDRANI
I call Lhcsc pcoplc ¨Toxic Burdcns" and Lhcsc pcoplc wanL you Lo sLay righL
whcrc you arc. Thcy wanL you sLuck or sick or cvcn íailing. Thcy don'L wanL you
to Lhrivc bccausc Lhcn iL puLs prcssurc on Lhcm Lo do morc wiLh Lhcir liíc. So
Lhc casicsL Lhing Lo do is Lo conLinually pull your chain, likc a dog on a lcash, Lo
bring you back Lo Lhc rcaliLy oí who and whaL you uscd Lo bc. BuL changing back
is good íor no onc.
A Loxic pcrson Lo a hopcíul achicvcr is likc krypLoniLc Lo Supcrman.
Again, iL's íinding Lhc balancc in your supporL circlc LhaL hclps Lo inílucncc
your succcss in liíc. Show mc somconc who has vcry ícw supporLcrs oí Lhcir
wcll-bcing and I will show you somconc who will livc in mcdiocriLy or dcspair—
and Lo mc, mcdiocriLy and dcspair arc onc in Lhc samc.

WRIGHT
So I kccp going back Lo Lhc LriaLhlon. ThaL was an ouLward mcasurc oí
succcss. How did balancc cvcn íacLor inLo somcLhing as aLhlcLic as LhaL`

INDRANI
To gcar up Lo Lhc daunLing undcrLaking oí Lhc LriaLhlon, I sLarLcd doing yoga
Lhrcc Limcs a wcck and along wiLh Lhc yoga camc mcdiLaLion, which hclpcd mc
Lo bc sLill and silcnL. Yoga and mcdiLaLion LogcLhcr hclpcd mc Lo íocus on my
ncxL bcsL sLcp.
This is Lhc qucsLion I askcd mysclí cvcry day as I saL in mcdiLaLion: ¨WhaL
do I nccd Lo do Loday`" Thc way LhaL I know Lhc answcr comcs írom dccp
inLuiLion and inncr wisdom, which has no scnsc oí urgcncy or impcnding
doom. I íccl írcc and lighL in spiriL. A grcaL spiriLual lcadcr said LhaL ¨You
always know Lhc occan, bccausc iL always LasLcs oí salL, and you always know
cnlighLcnmcnL, bccausc iL always LasLcs oí írccdom." MosL pcoplc arc running
abouL doing all sorLs oí Lhings LhaL Lhcy íccl ¨havc Lo bc donc" buL Lhcy rcalizc
in Lhc cnd LhaL noL much oí iL was Lruly ncccssary.
Now LhaL I mcdiLaLc, I hcar Lhc voicc oí rcason and know Lhcrc is Limc
cnough íor cvcryLhing.

Stepping Stones to Success

200

WRIGHT
Do pcoplc nccd Lo do yoga or mcdiaLc Lo hcar LhaL voicc oí rcason`

INDRANI
BoLh arc hclpíul bccausc Lhc voicc oí rcason is whaL Lhcy arc hcaring
anyway. IL is LhaL voicc LhaL is urging Lhcm on Lo do somcLhing ncw, Lo do
somcLhing advcnLurous, Lo Lakc Limc íor Lhcmsclvcs, Lo crcaLc anoLhcr laycr Lo
Lhcir liíc LhaL is complcLcly individualisLic. ThaL is Lhc voicc oí rcason. Yoga and
mcdiLaLion spur on Lhc willingncss Lo go insidc and Lhcn Lhc abiliLy Lo
rccognizc Lhc inncr voicc oí rcason.

WRIGHT
Do you Lhink now is a good Limc íor a book likc Lhis` Don'L pcoplc Loday íccl
skcpLical and hopclcss abouL living Lhcir drcams pcr sc` Don'L pcoplc jusL nccd
Lo sLick Lo Lhc sLaLus quo` I don'L Lhink a loL oí pcoplc íccl likc ¨succcss" is in
Lhcir conLrol anymorc.

INDRANI
A wisc pcrson oncc said LhaL Lhc pasL is all abouL rcgrcL, Lhc íuLurc is all
abouL illusion, buL Lhc prcscnL is righL now. Iosing hopc has Lo do wiLh making
Lhings happcn in Lhc íuLurc, which is impossiblc. In LhaL rcgard, iL is hopclcss.
Hopc is all abouL opcraLing in Lhc prcscnL momcnL and noL projccLing
oursclvcs inLo Lhc íuLurc. Whcn wc can bc sLill and ask Lo know Lhc ncxL bcsL
and righL Lhing, Lhcn wc immcdiaLcly íccl hopcíul, bccausc Lhc answcr has Lo
do wiLh whcrc wc arc aL Lhc prcscnL momcnL—in thc hcrc and now. And iL is
abouL making Lhosc small sLcps LhaL cquaLc laLcr Lo Lhc hugc lcap oí liíc. Whcn
I íirsL sLarLcd Lraining íor Lhc LriaLhlon, I had no idca LhaL I would accomplish
so many oLhcr Lhings in Lhc cnsuing ycars, buL sLaying prcscnL makcs all things
possiblc.
Maybc pcoplc arc skcpLical righL now, so docs LhaL mcan don'L drcam and
don'L íind a bcLLcr way` Thc way I scc iL, now is Lhc pcríccL Limc Lo bcgin. Now
is Lhc bcsL Limc Lo rcally lisLcn Lo LhaL inncr voicc oí rcason LhaL propcls you
íorward and compcls your íuLurc. Now is Lhc bcsL Limc Lo Lhink diíícrcnLly so
LhaL you can do diíícrcnLly in your liíc.
Indrani Goradia
!
201

To Lhink LhaL ¨succcss" isn'L in somconc's conLrol anymorc is a vcry sad
LhoughL indccd. Again, iL gocs back Lo Lhc dcíiniLion oí succcss and iL gocs back
Lo Lhc balancc iL is crcaLcd írom and lcnds iLsclí Lo.
I don'L scc much balancc in Lhc world righL now. Fvcryonc sccms Lo bc in
rcacLionary modc. BuL ií wc gcL quicL and gcL sLill and lisLcn Lo Lhc voicc oí
reason inside us, then the dirccLion wc arc lcd Lo will bc our own uniquc
dirccLion—iL is íor us. So in LhaL rcgard, wc arc aL lasL in balancc and bcLLcr
ablc Lo pursuc our road íor succcss.
Frankly, now is Lhc only Limc any oí us havc. And Lhings mighL noL bc going
cnLircly as wc planncd. And ¨sLaLus quo" righL now is LhaL Lhcrc is no sLaLus
quo. Many pcoplc havc workcd íiíLccn ycars aL Lhcir job and arc now bcing laid
oíí. FvcryLhing is upsidc down.
So is now Lhc Limc—absoluLcly! NOW is an acronym. IL sLands íor No OLhcr
Way!

WRIGHT
So balancc is ccnLcring holisLically Lhc mind, body, and spiriL.

INDRANI
AbsoluLcly, iL is ccnLcring Lhc mind, ccnLcring your body, and ccnLcring your
hcarL and soul.
Our mind cannoL bc ccnLcrcd on onc Lhing whilc our spiriL is ccnLcrcd on
anoLhcr. Wc Lhcn wondcr why wc havc noL achicvcd our drcams.
For cxamplc, wc ccnLcr our mind íor succcss dcíincd as moncy in Lhc bank,
a íinc car, and a largcr homc. NoLhing is wrong wiLh LhaL. BuL ií our spiriL is
ccnLcrcd on simpliciLy, alLruism, and volunLccring Lhcn iL is highly likcly LhaL
onc will ncvcr íind balancc and will ncvcr aLLain LhaL lcvcl oí succcss. IL isn'L
that one or the other is good or bad—iL is LhaL Lhcy arc conílicLing. I Lalk abouL
conílicLcd goals in my book and how, Lhrough mcdiaLion, yoga, and inner
rcílccLion, onc can ccnLcr on Lhc wholc pcrson so LhaL Lhc ouLcomc Lhc pcrson
is wishing Lo aLLain is congrucnL on cvcry lcvcl.

Stepping Stones to Success

202

WRIGHT
WhaL is Lhc numbcr onc principlc pcoplc nccd Lo rcsolvc in ordcr Lo achicvc
succcss in liíc`

INDRANI
To know—to bclicvc wiLh all Lhcir hcarL and soul—LhaL Lhcy wcrc crcaLcd
íor grcaLncss. Fvcryonc was crcaLcd íor grcaLncss, Lhough ícw cxcrcisc LhaL
righL. Wc look aL oLhcr pcoplc and Lhink, ¨Wcll, oí coursc Lhcy havc grcaL
succcss [or a grcaL liíc, or grcaL kids, or a grcaL husband, cLc.]. IL's bccausc Lhcy
arc prcLLy [cducaLcd, charismaLic—inscrL whaLcvcr you wanL]." Pcoplc scc Lhc
ícaLurc in cvcryonc clsc and only scc Lhc ílaw in Lhcmsclvcs. Tragic! BuL ií you
scc somcLhing spccLacular in oLhcrs, LhaL qualiLy is wiLhin you!

WRIGHT
Arc somc pcoplc gcncLically prcdcLcrmincd íor succcss ovcr oLhcrs`

INDRANI
How many childrcn oí succcssíul pcoplc havc you rcad abouL who arc sLrung
ouL on drugs or alcohol` How many pcoplc havc you rcad abouL who comc írom
brokcn homcs and dcrclicL cnvironmcnLs only Lo bccomc raving succcsscs`
Again, iL is whaL you bclicvc abouL yoursclí LhaL is Lruc. IL's bcing ccnLcrcd in
LhaL posiLivc bclicí oí who and whaL you arc and Lhcn íinding LhaL balancc
wiLhin.

WRIGHT
IasLly, you addrcss sclí-íorgivcncss. How docs LhaL íigurc inLo succcss`

INDRANI
FvcryLhing. Sclí-íorgivcncss mcans Lo íorgivc yoursclí oí your pasL. Pcoplc
somcLimcs Lhink Lhcy can'L go íorward wiLh Lhcir drcams bccausc in Lhcir pasL
Lhcy wcrc mcan-spirited or drug abusers or pracLicing alcoholics or whaLcvcr iL
is Lhcy arc ashamcd oí. Pcoplc Lhink Lhcy can'L achicvc grcaLncss bccausc oí
Lhcir ílaws. Wcll, wc arc all ílawcd! BuL wc cannoL lcL our ílaws casL a shadow
ovcr our íuLurcs! So whaLcvcr iL is in your pasL LhaL mighL bc holding you back,
Indrani Goradia
!
203

íorgivc yoursclí and movc on. Don'L lcL LhaL pasL misLakc(s) LcLhcr you. WhaL
do you havc Lo losc by íorgiving yoursclí—noLhing. WhaL do you havc Lo gain
by íorgiving yoursclí—cvcryLhing. And íor Lhosc pcoplc who wanL Lo sLand
around and rcmind you oí your pasL Lransgrcssions, ha! ImmcdiaLcly rcmovc
Lhcm írom your liíc!

WRIGHT
Indrani iL has bccn a dclighL.

INDRANI
For mc Loo!

WRIGHT
Today wc havc bccn Lalking wiLh Indrani Coradia. Indrani is a masLcr liíc
coach and Lhc auLhor oí The Indrani Principle: Inhale Life, Exhale Joy. Thank you
so much íor sharing your idcas.

INDRANI
Thank you.
204

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
INDRANI NATHU GORADIA is a MasLcr Iiíc Coach, spcakcr, yoga
Lcachcr and yoga LhcrapisL. Indrani works wiLh womcn who wanL Lo sLcp ouL oí
Lhc shadows and inLo Lhc lighL oí Lhcir drcams. Indrani Lcachcs hcr clicnLs LhaL
by honoring Lhcmsclvcs Lhcy bccomc a bcacon oí hopc and possibiliLy íor Lhcir
íamilics. Indrani is crcaLing a rcLrcaL in Lhc Himalayan MounLains (Thc ShakLi
CcnLcr íor UndcrsLanding and CrowLh) and inviLcs you Lo íollow iLs birLh. VisiL
www.indraniliíccoach.com íor morc dcLails and Lo apply íor a írcc 30 minuLc
consulL Lo dcLcrminc your ncxL bcsL sLcp on Lhis incrcdiblc liíc journcy. VisiL
Indrani's Wcb siLc (lisLcd bclow) Lo sign up íor Lhc powcríul Lclcscrics: Iivc a
BrighLcr Iiíc, a LransíormaLional journcy íor womcn in culLural shadows. Thc
class includcs Indrani's book, rccordcd mcdiLaLions, onlinc coaching, and wholc
loL morc.

INDRANI NATHU GORDIA
0505 Six Pincs Drivc, SuiLc S2l0
The Woodlands
(2Sl) 300-6563
indraniøindraniliíccoach.com
www.IndranisIighL.com


205



C HA P T E R F OU R T E E N
FnlighLcncd Iiving
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Rick Miller
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Wc arc spcaking Loday wiLh Rick Millcr, íoundcr oí Choiccs and Succcss IIC,
about his steppingstones Lo succcss. Rick has crcaLcd a liícLimc oí succcss by
making choiccs bascd on principlcs. As a sclí-dcscribcd sLudcnL/Lcachcr, Rick
draws írom a widc rangc oí work-liíc cxpcricncc. Hc scrvcd as prcsidcnL oí a
mulLi-billion dollar world-widc busincss and as prcsidcnL oí a sLarL-up
company. Rick has also succcssíully managcd a íulíilling pcrsonal liíc dcspiLc
challcngcs wiLh Lypc l diabcLcs, canccr, and hcarL discasc. Thcsc cxpcricnccs,
all supporLcd wiLh Lhc lovc oí oLhcrs, lcd Lo Lhc crcaLion oí a simplc and
powcríul guidc íor sclí-cxploraLion, Five Points of Light: Enlightened Living.
Rick, why did you wriLc Lhis book`

Stepping Stones to Success

206

RICK MILLER (MILLER)
David, there arc so many grcaL books on Lhis subjccL and virLually volumcs
oí maLcrial availablc Lo hclp pcoplc makc choiccs LhaL will lcad Lo succcss. YcL
many pcoplc sLill íind iL challcnging Lo undcrsLand iL all and how Lo inLcgraLc iL
all into their lives. Thcy also sLrugglc Lo undcrsLand Lhc basis íor Lhc
rccommcndaLions and how Lo gcL sLarLcd.
Five Points of Light: Enlightened Living is a simplc pockcL guidc LhaL oíícrs
sLraighLíorward idcas Lo hclp you undcrsLand and choosc what Lo balancc íor
you to be healthy, where Lo spcnd Limc Lo balancc your liíc, who you are, how to
crcaLc your bcsL, uniquc liíc, and why it all works íor you. My goal wiLh Lhc
book was Lo hclp pcoplc wiLh a simplc, ycL powcríul Lool LhaL would hclp Lhcm
¨connccL all Lhc doLs."

WRIGHT
Is Lhcrc a singlc dcíiniLion oí succcss`

MILLER
I don’L Lhink so. Fvcryonc wanLs Lo bc succcssíul, buL cach oí us dcíincs
succcss diíícrcnLly. For somc, succcss cquaLcs Lo wcalLh. Others dcíinc succcss
as íamc and noLoricLy. For somc, rclaLionships dcLcrminc succcss, whilc oLhcrs
íind succcss in Lhcmsclvcs. In íacL, wc all havc our own dcíiniLions oí succcss
bccausc wc arc uniquc bcings. As disLincLivc individuals, wc havc diíícrcnL
vicws and diíícrcnL paLhs Lo livc our bcsL, uniquc livcs.
MosL would agrcc, howcvcr, LhaL succcss in somc way involvcs living Lhc liíc
wc choose Lo livc. A kcy parL oí succcss is choicc. I dcvclopcd Lhc FnlighLcncd
Iiving conccpL and Lhc choiccs íramcwork Lo hclp individuals rcalizc Lhcir
disLincLivc succcss Lhrough Lhcir uniquc choiccs.

WRIGHT
Will you dcscribc FnlighLcncd Iiving and Lhc choiccs íramcwork`




Rick Miller
!
207

MILLER
Enlightened Iiving is dcíincd as “courage to DO, serenity to BE, and wisdom to
CREATE by connecting the two.” Thc FnlighLcncd Iiving Choiccs íramcwork (Scc
FxhibiL l.) is oíícrcd Lo hclp pcoplc rcach Lhcir own succcss.

Exhibit 1

WRIGHT
Would you dcscribc Lhc componcnLs oí FnlighLcncd Iiving, sLarLing wiLh
couragc and Lhc ¨couragc Lo do íor health"`

MILLER
Courage can bc dcíincd as the quality of fearlessness or bravery; the attitude of
facing and dealing with anything recognized as challenging or difficult instead of
withdrawing. FnlighLcncd Iiving bcgins wiLh a íocus on couragc and Lhc choiccs
available to cach oí us to positively aííccL our health and our liíc. Thcsc choiccs
arc Lhc íirsL steppingstones Lo succcss.
Stepping Stones to Success

208

Ralph Waldo Fmcrson said that ¨Lhc íirsL wcalLh is hcalLh." Enlightened
Iiving bcgins wiLh hcalLhy choiccs. Thc good ncws is LhaL morc rcscarch is
occurring LhaL hclps us undcrsLand whaL Lo do Lo Lakc carc oí oursclvcs. We
have both traditional and natural alternatives available to us to support good
hcalLh.
Thc challcngc is LhaL hcalLh issucs sccmingly aííccL an cvcr-incrcasing
numbcr oí pcoplc. For somc oí us wiLh scvcrc and/or chronic hcalLh issucs,
much oí liíc is dominaLcd by Lhc hour-by-hour íocus rcquircd Lo do Lhc bcsL wc
can wiLh hcalLh challcngcs.
In all cascs, wc can lcarn írom Lhcsc challcngcs and makc choiccs in íivc
arcas Lo cnablc us Lo livc as hcalLhy a liíc as possiblc. Thc pcrsisLcncc ncccssary
Lo mainLain Lhc righL balancc both wiLhin and bcLwccn Lhcsc íivc arcas
absolutely requircs couragc and is an imporLanL parL oí Lruc succcss. (See
FxhibiL 2.) Hcrc arc íivc imporLanL ¨do íor hcalLh" choiccs LhaL rcquirc couragc:

Exhibit 2


Rick Miller
!
209

Food—The quanLiLy and qualiLy oí Lhc nourishmcnL wc choosc is an opporLuniLy Lo
help ourselves íccl grcaL and rcducc Lhc chanccs oí illncss. Ií ¨you arc whaL you caL,"
Lhcn many oí us havc an opporLuniLy Lo improvc who wc arc.

Exercise—The bcncíiLs oí a consisLcnL low-impacL Lraining rcgimcn (c.g., walking
LhirLy minuLcs a day) arc signiíicanL Lo all agc groups. Acrobic Lraining íor Lhc hcarL and
sLrcLching/sLrcngLh Lraining íor musclcs cnablc all oí us Lo gcL Lhc mosL ouL oí our
bodics. ¨Ií you don'L usc iL, you losc iL."

Stress Management—Many bclicvc LhaL Lhc singlc biggcsL íacLor in shorLcning
our poLcnLial liíc span is Lhc prcvalcncc oí sLrcss in our livcs. Whilc many condiLions
cxisL LhaL arc ouLsidc our conLrol, our abiliLy Lo managc our rcacLion Lo Lhosc
condiLions is criLical Lo our hcalLh.

Sleep—RcsL is Lhc only way íor Lhc body and mind Lo rcncw and rcbuild. You can
cmploy sLraLcgics Lo ¨borrow" Limc in Lhc shorL-Lcrm, buL iL comcs wiLh Lhc addcd risk
oí illncss as Lhc immunc sysLcm can bc compromiscd. OpLimal long-Lcrm hcalLh
rcquircs scvcn Lo ninc hours oí slccp, dcpcnding on agc. Bcn Franklin was righL. ¨Farly
Lo bcd and carly Lo risc makcs onc hcalLhy, wcalLhy, and wisc."

Wellness Support—Thankíully, Lhcrc arc oíLcn many pcoplc and producLs
availablc Lo hclp us whcn wc nccd Lhcm. DocLors, nurscs, nuLriLionisLs, coachcs, and
proícssionals oí all kinds can supporL us whcn wc dccidc Lo makc good choiccs. IL is
imporLanL Lo lisLcn Lo Lhosc voiccs. WiLh Lhcir supporL, appropriaLc producLs oí all
Lypcs can bc inLcgraLcd inLo our daily livcs whcn wc nccd Lhcm.

WRIGHT
Will you dcscribc Lhc FnlighLcncd Iiving conccpL oí Lhc ¨couragc Lo do íor
liíc"`

MILLER
AbsoluLcly. Anais Nin said, “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s
courage.” Iiíc can bc Lcrriíic and liíc can bc a sLrugglc. MosL oí us would choosc
Lo livc a liíc íull oí rich cxpcricnccs and dccp rclaLionships wiLh pcoplc wc carc
abouL. Iiíc oíícrs us a sccmingly limiLlcss scL oí opporLuniLics Lo lcarn and
grow pcrsonally as wcll as Lo hclp oLhcrs grow.
IL Lakcs couragc Lo succccd in liíc and to boldly cxplorc all LhaL liíc has Lo
oíícr, and iL Lakcs pcrsisLcncc Lo accomplish grcaL Lhings. IL also Lakcs couragc
Lo íacc liíc’s many challcngcs, parLicularly whcn sacriíiccs arc rcquircd. In boLh
good Limcs and Limcs LhaL arc not so good, wc nccd Lo mainLain couragc Lo
Stepping Stones to Success

210

balancc wiLhin and bcLwccn íivc arcas oí liíc’s challcngcs and opporLuniLics Lo
lcarn and grow. (Scc FxhibiL 3.) Hcrc arc íivc imporLanL ¨do íor liíc" choiccs
LhaL rcquirc couragc:


Personal Growth—Pcrsonal or individual growLh oíLcn bcgins wiLh a choicc Lo
lcarn and Lhcn a choicc Lo crcaLc. Thc couragc Lo Lakc advanLagc oí opporLuniLics Lo
cxpand our knowlcdgc and sLrcngLhcn our mind, body, and spiriL grows as Lhcsc
posiLivc choiccs arc rciníorccd wiLh Lhc cxciLcmcnL oí rcncwal. Wc arc also prcscnLcd
wiLh opporLuniLics Lo grow whcn wc íacc advcrsiLy or Lragcdy. Our pcrsonal abiliLy Lo
lcarn and grow is virLually unlimiLcd.

Family and Friends—RclaLionships wiLh a spousc or signiíicanL oLhcr, íamily
mcmbcrs, and íricnds oíícr wondcríul choiccs Lo lovc and Lo bc lovcd. Thcsc
rclaLionships oíícr many chanccs íor acccpLancc and íorgivcncss. Fach also oíícrs an
opportunity to provide support as wcll as Lo bc supporLcd.

Work and School—Work and school acLiviLics oíLcn consumc a majoriLy oí Lhc
waking hours íor many pcoplc. Somc íind Lhcy can choosc Lhc Lypc oí work in which
Lhcy cngagc, buL cvcryonc can choosc Lhc aLLiLudc Lhcy bring Lo work. Fach oíícrs an
opporLuniLy Lo do our bcsL as an individual and as parL oí a Lcam.

Exhibit 3
Rick Miller
!
211

Community Service—CommuniLy scrvicc is our chancc Lo hclp oLhcrs, whcLhcr
Lhcy arc across Lhc sLrccL or around Lhc world. Thosc who choosc Lo sacriíicc íor oLhcrs
íind LhaL Lhc givcrs oíLcn rcccivc Lhc mosL. Whilc Lhcrc is much suíícring in Lhc world,
whcn wc work Lo hclp oLhcrs, wc scc and íccl a coopcraLivc spiriL LhaL uniLcs us all.

Faith—Bclicí in a highcr ordcr and/or bclicí in oLhcrs and oursclvcs providcs
opporLuniLics Lo livc a morc complcLc liíc. Among many blcssings, íaiLh brings hopc.
Whcn wc choosc Lo sLrcngLhcn whaLcvcr wc choosc Lo bclicvc in, wc also bccomc bcLLcr
aL climinaLing nccdlcss, limiLing sclí-doubL. Rcmcmbcr, you don'L always nccd Lo scc
things Lo bclicvc in Lhcm, somcLimcs you can choosc Lo bclicvc in Lhings Lo scc whaL
rcally maLLcrs.

Thc good ncws is LhaL whcn iL comcs Lo making Lhc bcsL hcalLh and liíc choiccs,
Lhcrc is couragc in all oí us Lo do so.

WRIGHT
Will you dcscribc Lhc FnlighLcncd Iiving conccpL oí scrcniLy and Lhc
¨scrcniLy Lo bc"`

MILLER
Serenity can bc dcíincd as the quality or state of calmness and tranquility.
FnlighLcncd Iiving includcs a íocus on scrcniLy and Lhc posiLivc choiccs
availablc Lo cvcryonc Lo íind Lhcir own pcaccíulncss. Thcsc choiccs arc Lhc ncxL
sLcppingsLoncs Lo succcss.
An anonymous auLhor wroLc LhaL “Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but
peace amid the storm.” Whcrc docs Lhis pcaccíulncss comc írom` In Lhc praycr
LhaL bcgins, ¨Cod granL mc Lhc scrcniLy Lo acccpL Lhc Lhings I cannoL changc,"
auLhor Rcinhold Nicbuhr oíícrs a parLial rccipc.
Thc inncr composurc oíLcn dcmonsLraLcd by Lruly succcssíul pcoplc gocs
bcyond Lhc abiliLy Lo simply acccpL ccrLain Lhings. This pcaccíulncss acLually
comcs írom sclí-undcrsLanding. Wc all scck Lo undcrsLand who wc Lruly arc.
Wc arc noL whaL wc do, neither arc wc our pasL. Wc arc noL whaL oLhcrs Lhink
oí us, neither arc wc Lhc Lhings wc accumulaLc. Thc Buddha oíícrcd his vcrsion
oí Lhc ulLimaLc challcngc: ¨Know Lhysclí." This sccmingly simplc goal can bc
challcnging in a world LhaL includcs many ¨sLorms."
Iiíc appears Lo movc íasLcr and íasLcr and cach day is íillcd wiLh challcngcs,
opporLuniLics, and sccmingly cndlcss Lo-do lisLs. Many pcoplc long íor
Stepping Stones to Success

212

pcaccíulncss. Thankíully, many oí us arc choosing Lo Lakc Lhc Limc ncccssary Lo
lcarn morc abouL oursclvcs. Wc arc rcmcmbcring LhaL wc arc morc Lhan whaL
wc do and wc arc Laking Limc Lo simply be. Wc arc opLing ouL oí Lhc oíLcn noisy
world LhaL surrounds us Lo cnLcr a quicLcr placc insidc whcrc wc can lisLcn.
WiLh a clcar mind, wc can makc íivc choiccs Lo bc Lo hclp us lcarn abouL Lhc
uniquc pcoplc wc arc. (Scc FxhibiL 4.) Hcrc arc íivc imporLanL bc choiccs LhaL
will lcad Lo Lruc scrcniLy:



Be Still—ConLrary Lo many WcsLcrn culLural norms, pcrhaps our mosL imporLanL
choicc is Lo dcvclop Lhc dccpcr undcrsLanding and LruLh LhaL comcs wiLh Lhc inncr
balancc oí bcing sLill. To mainLain inncr balancc, wc nccd Lo choosc Lhc LranquiliLy and
pcacc oí sLillncss. In LhaL pcaccíul sLaLc, wc comc Lo undcrsLand Lhc purc and unlimiLcd
poLcnLial oí our uniquc human spiriL. WiLh all Lhc cxLcrnal noisc LhaL surrounds us
rcgularly, wc havc a wondcríul opporLuniLy Lo lisLcn Lo Lhc only voicc LhaL rcally
maLLcrs—our own. Our abiliLy Lo dcvclop a LrusL and coníidcncc in our own voicc—a
voicc LhaL wc choosc Lo lisLcn Lo rcgularly—will oíícr us our grcaLcsL opporLuniLy Lo
lcarn abouL our pcrsonal LruLh and who wc Lruly arc.

Exhibit 4
Rick Miller
!
213

Be Accepting—Whcn wc choosc Lo acccpL pcoplc and circumsLanccs íor who and
whaL Lhcy arc, wc can cscapc Lhc ncccssiLy Lo changc ciLhcr and Lo simply bc, living in
and lcarning írom Lhc momcnL. Sincc wc cannoL changc Lhc pasL, wc can choosc Lo
lcarn írom iL and noL dwcll on iL. Whcn wc choosc Lo bc nonrcsisLanL Lo currcnL
circumsLanccs, wc rclax and scc morc clcarly.
Wc also havc a wondcríul opporLuniLy Lo acccpL pcoplc and íorgivc Lhcm íor whaL
wc may vicw as Lhcir pasL misLakcs LhaL, similarly, cannoL bc changcd. Whcn wc choosc
a nonjudgmcnLal approach Lo pcoplc, wc opcn oursclvcs Lo a poLcnLial íor dccpcr
rclaLionships.
Pcrhaps Lhc mosL imporLanL dccision in acccpLancc is choosing Lo acccpL and lovc
oursclvcs, jusL as wc arc, and íorgiving pasL misLakcs.
Whcn wc choosc Lo acccpL Lhc pasL, rcmain opcn Lo circumsLanccs and pcoplc,
including oursclvcs, wc opcn oursclvcs Lo Lhc possibiliLics oí lcarning írom all
siLuaLions and írom cvcry individual. Whcn wc choosc Lo acccpL our currcnL rcaliLy
wiLh a ccrLain dcgrcc oí dcLachmcnL, wc íind LhaL Lhings comc Lo us wiLh a íracLion oí
Lhc cííorL oLhcrwisc rcquircd.

Be Generous—When wc choosc Lo bc chariLablc wiLh our posscssions, our moncy,
and our Limc, wc cxpcricncc inncr saLisíacLion. Wc lcarn LhaL wc can bc nonaLLachcd Lo
Lhings. Whcn wc choosc Lo bc kind, hclpíul, cncouraging, and gcnLlc wiLh oLhcrs, wc
íulíill a highcr purposc. IL is jusL as imporLanL Lo bc ablc Lo balancc giving wiLh
rccciving. Whcn wc achicvc Lhis imporLanL balancc, wc climinaLc much oí Lhc
possibiliLy oí arrogancc. Wc choosc Lo rcmain gcnuincly and Lruly humblc.

Be Grateful—IL is casy Lo bc graLcíul whcn Lhings arc going wcll. IL Lakcs scrcniLy
Lo rcmain graLcíul whcn íacing onc oí liíc's Lruly diííiculL pcriods. Thc gracc rcquircd Lo
íacc Lough Limcs and rcmain Lhankíul is a blcssing. Rcmaining apprcciaLivc oí Lhc
opporLuniLy Lo lcarn lcssons írom Lhc challcngcs wc arc askcd Lo íacc is a choicc. Wc
also can choosc Lo bc graLcíul íor Lhc opporLuniLy Lo ask íor hclp, knowing LhaL wc all
rcly on oLhcrs íor supporL. Hclp is always availablc.

Be Present—Whcn wc arc LoLally awarc and conscious, wc can usc all oí our scnscs
Lo cmbracc and cxpcricncc Lhc joy and bcauLy oí Lhc currcnL momcnL. Wc arc noL
íocuscd on Lhc pasL or Lhc íuLurc. Iiving in Lhc prcscnL allows us Lo givc our LoLal íocus
Lo Lhc Lasks aL hand and cnjoy Lhc qualiLy oí cxpcricncc LhaL rcsulLs. Civing l00 pcrccnL
oí our aLLcnLion Lo Lhc pcoplc wiLh whom wc arc cngagcd, lisLcning inLcnLly, and íully
undcrsLanding Lhc opporLuniLy Lo communicaLc cííccLivcly wiLh oLhcrs is Lruly a choicc.
Our abiliLy Lo bc LoLally aLLcnLivc and in Lhc momcnL cncrgizcs any acLiviLy wc choosc
Lo íocus on and on any rcaliLy wc choosc Lo crcaLc.

WRIGHT
Will you dcscribc wisdom as Lhc lasL piccc oí FnlighLcncd Iiving and Lhc
wisdom Lo crcaLc by connccLing Lhc Lwo`

Stepping Stones to Success

214

MILLER
Wisdom can bc dcíincd as Lhc qualiLy oí judging righLly and íollowing Lhc
soundcsL coursc oí acLion, bascd on knowlcdgc, cxpcricncc, and undcrsLanding.
FnlighLcncd Iiving concludcs wiLh a íocus on wisdom and Lhc posiLivc choiccs
availablc Lo cvcryonc Lo crcaLc Lhcir vcry bcsL, uniquc livcs. Thcsc choiccs are
the last steppingstones Lo succcss.
AuLhor Frank OuLlaw oíícrcd a grcaL summary oí Lhc paLh wc cach Lakc in
crcaLing our own íuLurc. ¨WaLch your LhoughLs, Lhcy bccomc your words.
WaLch your words, Lhcy bccomc your acLions. WaLch your acLions, Lhcy bccomc
your habiLs. WaLch your habiLs, Lhcy bccomc your characLcr. WaLch your
characLcr, iL will bccomc your dcsLiny." Oncc wc link all Lhc ways wc crcaLc, and
choosc Lo acLivcly and consciously uLilizc all LhaL is availablc Lo hclp us
consLrucL our livcs, wc can makc hcalLh and liíc choiccs wiLh a clcar inLcnLion
LhaL is aligncd wiLh our pcrsonal uniqucncss. Wc can choosc whcrc Lo íocus our
atLcnLion and cncrgy. Bascd on our scrcniLy and coníidcncc, our uniquc and
pcrsonal inLcnLions Lransíorm our hcalLh and liíc choiccs and our cncrgy
grows. Wc look aL opporLuniLics Lo grow wiLh joy jusL as wc look aL challcngcs
as opporLuniLics Lo lcarn. Wc learn to LrusL our inLcrnal voicc and judgmcnL
abouL whcn Lo pcrsisL and whcn Lo surrcndcr.
We can also choosc a hcalLhy dcLachmcnL írom Lhc rcsulLs oí whaL wc crcaLc
wiLh Lhc wisdom LhaL Lruc conLrol is an illusion. As Lhc cxprcssion gocs, ¨Wc
lcarn Lo carc, buL noL Loo much," as wc rccognizc how much oí liíc is ouLsidc
our dirccL conLrol. Oncc wc dcvclop coníidcncc in our own uniquc voicc and in
an undcrsLanding oí who wc Lruly arc, wc rcalizc LhaL wc alonc arc in Lhc bcsL
posiLion Lo crcaLc our bcsL, uniquc liíc. Thc wisdom Lo crcaLc by connccLing
whaL wc do Lo who wc arc is powcríul. Whcn wc pracLicc Lhis connccLion and
combinc iL wiLh Lhc íivc diíícrcnL ways wc can crcaLc our íuLurc, wc
dcmonsLraLc Lhc wisdom oí undcrsLanding. (Scc FxhibiL 5.) Hcrc arc íivc
imporLanL crcaLc choiccs LhaL comc wiLh Lruc wisdom:
Rick Miller
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215

Exhibit 5


Feel— Pcrhaps our sLrongcsL cncrgy and our grcaLcsL LruLh comc írom our
cmoLions. Fcclings providc a grcaL window inLo our uniquc and pcrsonal LruLh, Lhcy arc
our bcsL pcrsonal baromcLcr. Our bodics do noL mislcad us. Whcn wc choosc Lo LrusL
our insLincLs, our inLuiLion, and our ¨guL ícclings," wc lcarn LhaL wc can all bc
pcrccpLivc. IisLcning Lo our sixLh scnsc cnablcs us Lo cngagc in Lhc crcaLivc proccss
aligncd wiLh our pcrsonal LruLh.

Think— As cvidcnccd by Frank OuLlaw's quoLc abovc, Lhinking is crcaLing. AcLivc
Lhinking is Lhc conscious awarcncss oí Lhc crcaLivc proccss LhaL bcgins wiLh LhoughL.
Choosing Lo managc our LhoughLs, changing ncgaLivc paLLcrns whcn wc íirsL bccomc
awarc oí Lhcm, and Lraining oursclvcs Lo usc opLimisLic íuLurc sccnarios, whilc íocusing
on Lhc posiLivc naLurc oí whaL is happcning now, all build cncrgy LhaL can hclp us
crcaLc our íuLurc. Wc can also choosc aL any Limc Lo ask íor hclp.

Speak— Spokcn words havc inspircd and inciLcd. Thc spokcn word has always
bccn an cííccLivc Lool Lo inílucncc pcoplc. RclaLionships can bc sLrcngLhcncd or
wcakcncd bascd on Lhc carc uscd wiLh Lhc spokcn word. Whcn wc choosc our words
carcíully, wc acknowlcdgc Lhc cncrgy bchind Lhc imporLanL pracLicc oí vcrbal
Stepping Stones to Success

216

communicaLion and Lhc inílucncc words havc on Lhc íuLurc wc arc crcaLing. WiLh Lhc
samc carc, wc musL also bc awarc LhaL wc ¨spcak" wiLh cyc conLacL, íacial cxprcssions,
and body posLurc.

Write— People have long understood Lhc powcr oí Lhc pcn as a crcaLivc íorcc Lo
inílucncc oLhcrs. Thc cncrgy crcaLcd by Lhc wriLLcn word Lo inílucncc oLhcrs and iLs
inílucncc on liíc arc indispuLablc. Fxamplcs includc Lhc Tao Tc Ching, Lhc Koran, and
Lhc Biblc. Icss wcll undcrsLood is Lhc powcr oí Lhc wriLLcn word Lo posiLivcly inílucncc
our own bchavior and Lo crcaLc our own íuLurc. Whcn wc choosc Lo wriLc down our
goals, connccLing Lhc couragc Lo do and Lhc scrcniLy Lo bc, wc incrcasc Lhc probabiliLy
oí rcaching Lhosc goals wiLh Lhc cncrgy crcaLcd by wriLing Lhcm down. Similarly, whcn
wc choosc Lo wriLc down our ícars and conccrns, wc rclcasc Lhc hold Lhcsc ncgaLivc
cmoLions can havc on us. WriLing aL boLh Lhc rcasoning and inLuiLivc lcvcls can hclp us
as wcll. WriLing posiLivc aííirmaLions can also apply valuablc cncrgy Lo crcaLc a íuLurc
aligncd wiLh who wc wanL Lo bc.

Act— How wc acL oíícrs Lhc mosL visiblc íorm oí crcaLion. Conscious acLion íollows
Lhc ícclings, LhoughLs, spccch, and wriLLcn cncrgy LhaL prcccdc iL. Wc arc hcld
accounLablc íor our acLions morc Lhan wc arc íor Lhc oLhcr íorms oí our abiliLy Lo
crcaLc. AcLion is powcríul. Whcn wc arc having Lroublc crcaLing Lhc íuLurc wc wanL,
somcLimcs simply choosing Lo acL Lhc parL will hclp us íind Lhc ícclings, LhoughLs, and
words. Wc all know pcoplc who sccm Lo havc ¨Lailwinds" LhaL hclp Lhcm in cvcryLhing
Lhcy do. Whcn wc acL in a íashion synchronizcd wiLh who wc Lruly arc, wc íind LhaL
Lhings sccm Lo happcn morc casily. AlLhough wc cxpcricncc an incrcasc in Lhc inLcnsiLy
oí our cííorL (wiLh corrcsponding incrcascs in qualiLy and quanLiLy), wc íind LhaL our
happincss incrcascs as wcll. Our choiccs lcad morc dirccLly Lo our uniquc succcsscs.

WRIGHT
I scc now LhaL your íramcwork connccLs a loL oí doLs. How docs FnlighLcncd
Iiving connccL Lo Lhc principlcs you rcícr Lo as Lhc Fivc PoinLs oí IighL and will
you dcscribc Lhcm`

MILLER
Ycs, I will. Thc Fivc PoinLs oí IighL arc Lhc ovcrriding univcrsal and naLural
laws LhaL govcrn all íorms and providc supporL Lo all oí us whcn wc choosc Lo
align wiLh Lhcm Lo livc our bcsL, uniquc livcs. FnlighLcncd Iiving is abouL Lhc
choiccs wc can all makc Lo livc wiLh couragc íor hcalLh and liíc balancc, wiLh
scrcniLy Lo undcrsLand our uniquc sclvcs, and wiLh wisdom Lo craíL Lhc liíc wc
wcrc mcanL Lo livc.
Rick Miller
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217

Thc Fivc PoinLs oí IighL arc principlcs or laws LhaL providc Lhc ¨Lailwinds"
íor us and our sLcpping sLoncs Lo succcss. (Scc FxhibiL 6.) Hcrc arc Lhc Fivc
PoinLs oí IighL:
Exhibit 6


Truth— Truth is the quality of being in accordance with an original constant. Wc íind
LruLh in lisLcning, lcarning, and íccling. Thc inncr pcacc LhaL comcs írom LruLh brings
wiLh iL wisdom and undcrsLanding. Wc musL lcarn Lo livc honcsLly and always acL wiLh
sinccriLy in our rclaLionships, rcgularly sccking Lhc LruLh Lhrough sLillncss.

Values— Valucs arc the standards of great relationships. Truc and lasLing wcalLh is
íound only in rclaLionships. RclaLionships grow Lhrough Lhc cxcrcising oí kindncss,
paLicncc, íorgivcncss, graLiLudc, gcncrosiLy, and a willingncss Lo rcccivc. Wc rcccivc
whaL wc givc. Wc musL lcarn Lo acccpL rcsponsibiliLy íor our choiccs, our rclaLionships,
and our opporLuniLics Lo hclp oLhcrs.

Service— Scrvicc is the act of meeting the needs of others. IL is our rcsponsibiliLy Lo
sympaLhizc wiLh and carc íor Lhosc in nccd. To scrvc anoLhcr, wc musL lisLcn carcíully
íirsL Lo undcrsLand Lhcir nccds. Thosc adminisLcring aid musL also bc opcn Lo rccciving
írom Lhosc bcing aidcd, guarding againsL arrogancc wiLh Lhc undcrsLanding LhaL wc arc
all Lhc samc.
Stepping Stones to Success

218

Equality— Equality is the condition of having the same courage, ability, power, and
capacity. Wc all should havc cmpaLhy and rcspccL íor cvcry oLhcr human bcing. Fvcry
individual has an abiliLy Lo Lcach and Lo lcarn. Wc musL lcarn LhaL any hicrarchy is
manuíacLurcd and can bc disasscmblcd whcn wc undcrsLand LhaL whaL connccLs us is
morc powcríul Lhan whaL scparaLcs us.

Connection— ConnccLion is a group of people who are joined together. Wc arc all
onc. Wc arc linkcd LogcLhcr as parL oí onc communiLy, madc up oí many smallcr
communiLics. Wc musL lcarn LhaL whcn wc íccl joy, iL is íclL by all, whcn wc íccl pain, iL
is íclL by all. Wc musL bring compassion inLo our communiLy and look íor supporL írom
oLhcrs Lo sLrcngLhcn our connccLions. Our pasL, prcscnL, and íuLurc arc all linkcd by a
connccLion Lo a common Lhrcad oí cncrgy and a scarch íor Lhc LruLh.

WRIGHT
Arc Lhcrc any Lools Lo hclp pcoplc wiLh FnlighLcncd Iiving`

MILLER
Ycs. Individuals havc had a loL oí succcss wiLh Lhc FnlighLcncd Iiving sclí-
assessmcnL. Thc simplc asscssmcnL hclps individuals cvaluaLc whcrc Lhcy arc
currcnLly wiLh Lhcir hcalLh, liíc balancc, sclí-undcrsLanding, and crcaLivc
choiccs by answcring LwcnLy simplc qucsLions. Thc sccond parL oí Lhc cxcrcisc
asks parLicipanLs Lo asscss Lhcir saLisíacLion wiLh Lhcir own answcrs. Thc Lhird
parL oí Lhc Lool providcs samplc ¨Lips" or placcs Lo sLarL Lo improvc upon Lhcir
scorc. Thc lasL parL providcs a simplc SMART (Spcciíic, Mcasurablc, AcLions
wiLh a RcsulL LhaL is Timc-bound) íorm Lo íaciliLaLc wcckly goal-scLLing. (Scc
FxhibiLs 7 and S aL chapLcr cnd.)

WRIGHT
Will you sharc Lhc Lips íor pcoplc who arcn'L happy wiLh Lhcir scorcs on Lhc
LwcnLy qucsLions`

MILLER
Ycs. I'vc lisLcd Lhcm bclow:

l. I maintain a healthy diet. Know your own íood targets—calorics, carbohydraLcs,
or poinLs. FaL carly—brcakíasL is a musL, largcr lunch, carly dinncr, noLhing
aíLcr S:00. CcL írcsh íruiLs and vcgcLablcs. Fnjoy snacks buL kccp Lhcm
Rick Miller
!
219

small/hcalLhy and don'L lcL yoursclí gcL Loo hungry. Kccp Lrack—wriLc iL all
down.

2. I follow a fitness plan. Takc a LhirLy-minuLc walk daily, and sLrcLch íor a LoLal oí
LhirLy minuLcs onc scssion cach wcck. SLrcngLh/rcsisLancc Lrain íor aL lcasL
LhirLy minuLcs onc scssion cach wcck. SLamina/cardio Lrain íor aL lcasL LhirLy
minuLcs onc scssion cach wcck. Mix iL up—cross Lraining isn'L jusL íor
proícssional aLhlcLcs, iL hclps us all.

3. I keep an even-keel perspective. IcL iL ouL—kccp a diary, Lalk. Schcdulc
smarLcr—managc Limc, minimizc inLcrrupLions, Lakc a brcak. Takc a dccp
brcaLh and mcdiLaLc. Flcx and rclcasc—usc your musclcs Lo íccl rclaxaLion.
Turn on somc music.

4. I feel rested. Icarn how much slccp is righL íor you. FsLablish a rcgular
nighLLimc rouLinc. CrcaLc Lhc righL cnvironmcnL—cool and disLracLion írcc.
Bring it down a noLch—no cxcrcisc, caíícinc, or big mcals bcíorc bcd. ScL Lhc
mood—rcad a book or lisLcn Lo sooLhing music.

5. I makc informed decisions on the people and products I need for my health. CcL
annual chcckups and íollow up consisLcnLly wiLh any mcdical issucs. Talk
rcgularly wiLh Lhosc who can hclp you wiLh íood, cxcrcisc, sLrcss, and slccp.
Takc your mcdicaLions—Lhc righL producLs can makc a diíícrcncc. WriLc down
your qucsLions. Rcad Lo lcarn.

6. I enjoy learning new things. Takc a class. MccL ncw pcoplc. Rcad morc. Takc up a
ncw hobby. Travcl and cxplorc ncw placcs.

7. I make it a priority to spend time with family and friends. Rcmcmbcr birLhdays.
PracLicc paLicncc and kindncss. Oíícr supporL írcqucnLly. Ask íor supporL
whcn you nccd iL. Sharc LhoughLs and ícclings.

S. I do my best at work and/or school. CommiL Lo do your bcsL. Work wcll wiLh
oLhcrs. PracLicc good Limc managcmcnL. Iook íor opporLuniLics Lo lcad.
PracLicc pcrsisLcncc.

0. I make time to help others. Icarn abouL opporLuniLics Lo scrvc. Choosc a causc
LhaL you arc passionaLc abouL. Usc a skill you likc or dcvclop a ncw onc LhaL
inLcrcsLs you. Tcam wiLh oLhcrs. Follow Lhrough on your scrvicc
opporLuniLics.

l0. I maintain faith in a higher order and/or faith in myself. Hold on Lo hopc. IisLcn
Lo yoursclí and rcgularly usc a quicL placc Lo Lhink. Rcly on your ícclings and
your guL insLincLs. Choosc whaL Lo bclicvc. TrusL yoursclí and lcarn morc
abouL yoursclí and whaL you bclicvc in.
Stepping Stones to Success

220

ll. I can quiet my mind to listen to the voice inside me. Find a quicL placc Lo lisLcn.
Rclax your body. FliminaLc Lhc chaLLcr oí your LhoughLs. Choosc a singlc word
Lo rcpcaL gcnLly in your hcad whcn your mind driíLs. PracLicc in Lcn-minuLc
scssions, Lwo Limcs pcr day, building Lo LhirLy-minuLc scssions.

l2. I accept people and circumstances as they are, and forgive all, including myself, for
past mistakes. Forgivc yoursclí íor pasL misLakcs and dissolvc sclí-doubL.
Forgivc pcoplc íor Lhc pasL and acccpL Lhcm as Lhcy arc. Rcmain dcLachcd
írom Loday's cvcnLs as wcll as projccLions íor Lomorrow. Suspcnd judgmcnL.
Acknowlcdgc LhaL Lhcrc arc always morc Lhings you don'L know Lhan Lhings
you do know.

l3. I am generous with my time and possessions. FmulaLc somconc who has bccn
gcncrous Lo/wiLh you. Balancc giving and rccciving. Ask íor hclp. Oíícr your
Limc and aLLcnLion Lo oLhcrs in nccd. Oíícr a sinccrc wish oí good luck Lo all
you mccL.

l4. I am grateful for life’s many blessings. Takc Limc Lo rcgularly say Lhank you. Scc
bcauLy. Fccl joy. Rccognizc Lhc coopcraLivc spiriL in oLhcrs. Sharc blcssings
wiLh oLhcrs.

l5. I live in the current moment. Civc Lhc pcoplc you arc wiLh your complcLc
aLLcnLion. WiLncss naLurc around you. Bccomc awarc oí your brcaLhing.
Consciously choosc your inLcnLions and acLions. Usc all oí your scnscs.

l6. I trust my feelings as truth and guidance. Usc all oí your scnscs. Acknowlcdgc
your body's rcacLions Lo siLuaLions. TrusL your guL insLincLs. Rcly on your
hcarL as wcll as Lo your hcad. AcccpL your inLcrnal guidancc.

l7. I take responsibility for my thoughts and can stop negative thinking when I become
aware of it. Think consciously, opLimisLically, consLrucLivcly, abouL Lhc
collccLivc good. Think kindly as opposcd Lo clcvcrly.

lS. I choose words consciously when I speak because words are powerful. Spcak aíLcr
you carcíully lisLcn Lo yoursclí and oLhcrs wiLh rcsponsibiliLy íor your word
choicc. Icad compassionaLcly and humbly.

l0. I write to express my feelings and thoughts and to assert positive affirmations. Buy
a journal/diary. ScL asidc Limc Lo wriLc. IisL goals in Lhc prcscnL Lcnsc. Iog
how you wanL Lo íccl in Lhc prcscnL Lcnsc. Rcvicw pasL journal cnLrics.

20. I choose to act from the flow of feelings, thoughts, speech, and affirmations. AcL
consciously, wiLh convicLion, Lo lcarn wiLh balancc Lo scrvc oLhcrs wiLh a link
Lo your ícclings, LhoughLs, and aííirmaLions.

Rick Miller
!
221

WRIGHT
Whcrc did Lhcsc conccpLs comc írom`

MILLER
I am Lruly blcsscd. ThroughouL my liíc, pcoplc havc choscn Lo hclp mc lcarn
and grow by assisLing mc wiLh challcngcs and by giving mc opporLuniLics. I am
indcbLcd Lo many individuals and groups oí pcoplc who havc hclpcd mc
dcvclop a pcrsonal undcrsLanding oí couragc, scrcniLy, wisdom, and Lhc Fivc
PoinLs oí IighL. CcrLain pcoplc sLand ouL.
IL was Dr. Donald BarncLL who hclpcd mc undcrsLand Lhc imporLancc oí
choiccs. As a Lccnagcr, I conLracLcd Lypc l diabcLcs and I was íorLunaLc Lo havc
Dr. BarncLL in BosLon, MassachuscLLs, as my physician. Dr. BarncLL LaughL mc
about the hour-by-hour choiccs LhaL would bc rcquircd Lo achicvc balancc and
managc Lhis chronic discasc and a loL morc.
UndcrsLanding balancc in liíc camc Lo mc írom scvcral sourccs. My parcnLs
and broLhcrs had a vcry posiLivc inílucncc on mc. My bcsL íricnd, Dom
D'Alcssio, and my íirsL girlíricnd, Pam Hanlcy, grcw up in sLrong íamilics whcrc
I lcarncd LhaL succcss in liíc comcs írom a balancc oí íaiLh, pcrsonal growLh,
communiLy scrvicc, and accomplishmcnL aL school and aL work, wiLh sLrong
rclaLionships wiLh íamily and íricnds.
I lcarncd abouL scrcniLy írom my wiíc Dianc, Lhc singlc mosL important
pcrson in my liíc. Ovcr our many ycars LogcLhcr, Dianc has LaughL mc abouL
prcscncc, gcncrosiLy, and graLiLudc. Dianc's mom DoL LaughL mc abouL
acccpLancc and sLillncss.
My íirsL boss, Dick Iaícrricrc, LaughL mc Lhc mosL abouL Lhc many ways wc
crcaLc. Whcn I cnLcrcd Lhc workíorcc as a salcs Lraincc aL Spcrry Univac in
l0S0, Dick Lraincd mc how Lo Lhink, spcak, and wriLc Lo crcaLc compclling
sccnarios íor poLcnLial cusLomcrs. Hc also LaughL mc Lo walk Lhc Lalk and acL
consisLcnLly wiLh my words. Finally, Dick Lold mc Lo always LrusL my guL and
usc how I íccl as a good gaugc íor any siLuaLion.
Thc Fivc PoinLs oí IighL havc bccn rciníorccd in my liíc many Limcs and by
many wondcríul pcoplc. In parLicular, Dianc LaughL mc abouL Lhc LruLh. My dad
LaughL mc abouL valucs. Whcn I Lhink oí scrvicc, I Lhink oí my íricnd, Dr. Phil
Andcrson, oncc a Marinc and always a Marinc. A vcry spccial liLLlc girl LaughL
Stepping Stones to Success

222

mc abouL cqualiLy. Finally, whcn I Lhink oí our connccLion, I Lhink oí my closc
íricnd, Mary Annc Walk.

WRIGHT
Arc Lhcrc any oLhcr arcas whcrc pcoplc could bcncíiL írom using your Fivc
PoinLs oí IighL`

MILLER
Ycs, in íacL I am currcnLly working on a book LhaL will bc LiLlcd Five Points of
Light: Enlightened Leadership. Thc book will ouLlinc clcmcnLs oí cnlighLcncd
lcadcrship bascd on Lhc samc principlcs oí Lhc Fivc PoinLs oí IighL and oíícr
cxamplcs oí whcrc I applicd Lhcsc principlcs in my prior proícssional liíc.
Spcciíically, I will sharc sLorics írom my own lcadcrship assignmcnLs ranging
írom a sLarLup company Lo a worldwidc, mulLi-billion-dollar busincss whcrc
principlcs madc all Lhc diíícrcncc.

WRIGHT
Rick, do you havc any íinal LhoughLs`

MILLER
AL a Limc whcn sLrugglcs sccm widcsprcad, Lhankíully Lhcrc arc many placcs
Lo Lurn íor guidancc. SLill, many pcoplc arc looking íor hclp simpliíying Lhcir
livcs or connccLing all Lhc doLs or boLh. Thc choiccs you makc wiLh FnlighLcncd
Iiving will crcaLc succcss íor you as a uniquc individual. Your hcalLh and your
liíc arc íull oí opporLuniLics and challcngcs. You havc Lhc opporLuniLy Lo livc
wiLh cnjoymcnL, cnLhusiasm, íulíillmcnL, and posiLivc cncrgy. Succcss rcquircs
boLh couragc and scrcniLy. Many pcoplc scrvc as Lcachcrs and oíícr a virLually
unlimiLcd scL oí whaL oíLcn sccm likc compcLing idcas. Thc challcngcs oí Lhc
yin and Lhc yang oí liíc havc bccn around íor ccnLurics. Sccmingly as long,
pcoplc havc dcbaLcd Lhc mcriLs oí logic or íaiLh, raLionalism or mysLicism,
scicncc or spiriLualiLy. WhaL Lo do and how Lo bc sccm similarly disconnccLcd
íor many oí us. Thc wisdom Lo crcaLc by connccLing Lhc Lwo is Lhc answcr and
iL sLarLs wiLh a choicc. Choosc Lo align wiLh Lhc Fivc PoinLs oí IighL. Choosc Lo
Rick Miller
!
223

lisLcn Lo your own voicc, Lo scL your own goals, and Lo sLarL small. You can sLarL
Lo crcaLc your bcsL, uniquc liíc aL Lhis vcry momcnL. IL's your choicc.


Stepping Stones to Success

224

Exhibit 7
Enlightened Living Self-Assessment – 20 Choices
(Key: Always – 5, Consistently – 4, OíLcn – 3, SomcLimcs – 2, Scldom – 1, Never – 0)

l. I mainLain a hcalLhy diet _____
2. I íollow a íiLncss plan _____
3. I kccp an cvcn-kccl pcrspccLivc _____
4. I íccl rcsLcd _____
5. I makc iníormcd dccisions on Lhc pcoplc and producLs I nccd íor
my hcalLh _____
My courage to do for my health total score: _____

6. I cnjoy lcarning ncw Lhings _____
7. I makc iL a prioriLy Lo spcnd Limc wiLh íamily/íricnds _____
S. I do my bcsL aL work and/or school _____
0. I makc Limc Lo hclp oLhcrs _____
l0. I mainLain íaiLh in a highcr ordcr and/or íaiLh in mysclí _____
My courage to do for my life total score: _____

ll. I can quicL my mind Lo lisLcn Lo Lhc voicc insidc mc _____
l2. I acccpL pcoplc and circumsLanccs as Lhcy arc and íorgivc all,
including mysclí, íor pasL misLakcs _____
l3. I am gcncrous wiLh my Limc and possessions _____
l4. I am graLcíul íor liíc's many blcssings _____
l5. I livc in Lhc currcnL momcnL _____
My serenity to be total score: _____

l6. I LrusL my ícclings as LruLh and guidancc _____
l7. I Lakc rcsponsibiliLy íor my LhoughLs and can sLop ncgaLivc
Lhinking whcn I bccomc awarc oí iL _____
lS. I choosc words consciously whcn I spcak bccausc words arc powcríul
_____
l0. I wriLc Lo cxprcss my ícclings and LhoughLs and to assert positive
aííirmaLions _____
20. I choosc Lo acL írom Lhc ílow oí ícclings, LhoughLs, spccch and
aííirmaLions _____
My wisdom to create total score: _____
Kcy: For any scorc LhaL sccms lowcr Lhan you would likc iL Lo bc, makc Lhc
choicc Lo scL a goal and sLarL Lo makc small changcs in LhaL caLcgory.
Rick Miller
!
225

Exhibit 8
SMART Enlightened Living Goals for Week of ___/___/___
Set Spcciíic, Measurable AcLions wiLh a RcsulL íor This wcck

COURAGE TO DO

1. Health – Food, Fxcrcisc, SLrcss ManagcmcnL, Slccp, Wcllncss SupporL






2. Life – Faith, Pcrsonal CrowLh, Work and School, CommuniLy Scrvicc, Family and
Friends






3. SERENITY TO BE – SLill, PrcscnL, CraLcíul, AcccpLing, Ccncrous







4. WISDOM TO CREATE – Fccl, Think, Spcak, WriLc, AcL









Truth Values Service Equality Connection
226

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
RICK MIIIFR’S carccr bcgan aL Spcrry CorporaLion and includcd rolcs aL
Unisys as VP/CM, AT&T as PrcsidcnL oí Clobal Scrviccs, sLarLup OPUS360 as
PrcsidcnL, and IuccnL as PrcsidcnL oí CovcrnmcnL SoluLions. Thcsc
assignmcnLs sharcd challcnging busincss condiLions and Lhc nccd Lo dclivcr
consisLcnL rcsulLs íor cmployccs, cusLomcrs, and sharcholdcrs. In cach casc,
Rick lcd Lcams LhaL builL Lrack rccords oí succcss bascd on principlcs. In 2007,
Rick íoundcd Thc Balancc & SLrcLch CcnLcr, a non-proíiL Lo supporL oLhcr non-
proíiLs. Rick íoundcd Choiccs & Succcss in 200S. Rick rcccivcd a bachclor's
degree írom BcnLlcy UnivcrsiLy and a MBA írom Columbia UnivcrsiLy.

RICK MILLER
Choices & Success LLC
5 Croydon Road
MorrisLown, N3 07060
073.267.S367
www.choiccsandsucccss.com












227



C HA P T E R F I F T E E N
Iivc up Lo your PoLcnLial
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Lyn Jeffress
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc'rc Lalking wiLh Iyn 3cíírcss. Iyn is Foundcr and PrcsidcnL oí
Imagincd FuLurc IncorporaLcd, a coaching, consulLing, and Lraining
organizaLion. Hcr passion is hclping oLhcrs discovcr and rclcasc Lhcir poLcnLial
and livc Lhc liíc Lhcy'vc only drcamcd oí. Iyn holds boLh a masLcr's dcgrcc in
Icadcrship and an MBA. In addiLion, shc rcccivcd hcr coaching ccrLiíicaLion
írom Thc Hudson InsLiLuLc and has had Lhc honor oí sLudying wiLh visionary
Lhinkcrs such as MarLin Scligman, SLcphcn R. Covcy, David I. Cooperrider, as
wcll as movic produccr SLcphcn Simon.
Through Lhc work oí Imagincd FuLurc Inc., shc hclps individuals, Lcams, and
organizaLions discovcr and maximizc Lhcir pcríormancc. Hcr work wiLh Lcams
rcsulLs in incrcascd undcrsLanding oí Lhc poLcnLial oí cach mcmbcr. Shc also
hclps Lo shiíL paradigms wiLhin organizaLions in ordcr Lo improvc Lhc
conLribuLion oí cach Lcam Lo Lhc organizaLion.
Stepping Stones to Success

228

Iyn, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

LYN JEFFRESS (JEFFRESS)
Thank you, David.

WRIGHT
IcL mc sLarL by asking you, how do you dcíinc succcss`

JEFFRESS
David, I bclicvc LhaL succcss comcs írom knowing yoursclí and living up Lo
your Lruc poLcnLial.

WRIGHT
I havc a íccling LhaL LhaL is casicr said Lhan donc.

JEFFRESS
Ycs, you'rc righL. WhaL I'vc obscrvcd is wc livc in a culLurc LhaL Lcachcs
pcoplc Lo dcvclop by modcling Lhcmsclvcs aíLcr somconc clsc. Wc do noL
cííccLivcly Lcach pcoplc Lo íirsL undcrsLand Lhcir own uniquc sclvcs. In my
cxpcricncc, pcoplc cvaluaLc Lhcmsclves by looking out of the window insLcad oí
looking into the mirror. This is íurLhcr rciníorccd by our sysLcms oí Lraining and
dcvclopmcnL. Wc usc comparison and compcLiLion as Lhc guidcposLs íor how
wc'rc doing. As a rcsulL, pcoplc can Lcll you how Lhcy arc similar or diíícrcnL
írom oLhcrs, buL noL how much oí Lhcir own poLcnLial Lhcy'rc using.

WRIGHT
This book is LiLlcd Stepping Stones to Success, so how would you dcscribc
Lhosc sLcppingsLoncs`

JEFFRESS
I bclicvc Lhcrc arc íour basic sLcppingsLoncs:

Lyn Jeffress
!
229

l. The first is to become an observer of yourself. Fach day, pay aLLcnLion Lo
whaL givcs you cncrgy and whaL drains you oí cncrgy. Thosc acLiviLics,
cnvironmcnLs, and Lasks arc all clucs Lo your naLural sLrcngLhs.

2. The second steppingstone is to listen to your own self-talk. What you are
saying Lo yoursclí is ciLhcr aííirming whaL is bcsL in you or iL's dccpcning a
bclicí in your own wcakncss and íailings. You can ncvcr bc your bcsL ií you
bcliLLlc and criLicizc yoursclí. You will always livc up Lo Lhc picLure that you
painL íor yoursclí, whcLhcr LhaL is aLLainmcnL oí succcss or limiLing your
growLh.

3. The third steppingstone is to check your judgment. Rccognizc LhaL your
vicw and pcrspccLivc oí oLhcrs is madc Lhrough your own lcns. Thcrcíorc, unLil
you really scck Lo know anoLhcr pcrson, you arc only cvaluaLing him or hcr
bascd on whaL Lhc pcrson's acLions would mcan ií you wcrc Lhc onc doing Lhc
acLing. Onc oí Lhc grcaLcsL conccpLs I camc across during my sLudics is onc
LhaL I hold up íor mysclí daily. This conccpL comcs írom philosophcr Kcn
Wilbcr's cxplanaLion oí Lhc psychological Lcrm oí ¨projccLion." In summary,
whaL Wilbcr Lclls us is LhaL ií somcLhing informs you Lhcn iL's ncw Lo you.
Howcvcr, ií iL has an affect on you iL's acLually a rcílccLion oí yoursclí. So,
whcn I íind mysclí having an cmoLional rcacLion Lo somconc clsc, I'm awarc
LhaL I am Lapping inLo somcLhing I mysclí am doing, havc donc, or am capablc
oí doing. Whcn somcLhing surpriscs mc, I rcalizc LhaL I'm lcarning somcLhing
I'vc ncvcr cxpcricnccd bcíorc. Thc manLra I íollow is: Ií iL aííccLs, iL's you, ií iL
iníorms, iL's ncw!

4. My fourth steppingstone is to seek true dialog. David, I Lhink Lhis is a losL
arL. In convcrsaLion, ií only onc pcrson is spcaking Lhcn rcally Lruly noLhing is
bcing lcarncd. Wc arc cach vcry uniquc. Wc musL Lakc Limc Lo hcar and Lo bc
hcard. I cncouragc our rcadcrs Lo íully opcn Lhcmsclvcs up Lo Lhis cxpcricncc
oí Lruc dialog in Lhcir livcs.

WRIGHT
Oí Lhc íour Lhings you Lalked about—bccoming an obscrvcr, lisLcn Lo your
sclí-Lalk, chcck your judgmcnL—Lhosc Lhrcc ouL oí Lhc íour arc rcally working
on yoursclí.

Stepping Stones to Success

230

JEFFRESS
David, you arc righL. Thc paLhway Lo succcss is in your conLrol. IL rcquircs
you Lo know yoursclí and Lo work on rcmoving barricrs Lo LhaL succcss.

WRIGHT
FascinaLing. So how do you scc Lhcsc sLcps applying Lo Lcams and
organizaLions`

JEFFRESS
I Lhink Lhc sLcps arc Lhc samc íor cvcry cnLiLy. WhcLhcr you arc Lalking
abouL an individual, a Lcam, or an organizaLion, you can scc Lhc valuc LhaL
would comc írom bcing vcry, vcry clcar abouL your capaciLy, LalcnLs, and
sLrcngLhs. Knowing Lhis, as Lhc Lcam íocuscs on Lhc goals Lhc organizaLion or
Lhc Lcam has scL, LhaL sclí-knowlcdgc would dcLcrminc Lhc paLhway Lo Lakc
Loward achicving Lhosc goals. Thc crcaLion oí opcn and honcsL dialog allows íor
cach mcmbcr oí Lhc Lcam Lo conLribuLc his or hcr maximum Loward Lhc goals.
I bclicvc Lhc samc íour sLcps can bc wriLLcn as valucs or bchavioral norms
íor any group or organizaLion:

• Know yoursclí
• IisLcn Lo your sclí-Lalk
• Chcck your judgmcnLs
• Fncouragc opcn and honcsL dialog

WRIGHT
So whaL proccsscs or Lcchniqucs do you rccommcnd LhaL pcoplc íollow`

JEFFRESS
I havc quiLc a ícw LhaL I guidc pcoplc Loward. I'll oíícr our rcadcrs íivc idcas
LhaL I bclicvc work wcll:

• Thc íirsL is journaling. 3ournaling is always powcríul. I rccommcnd Lo my
clicnLs LhaL Lhcy bcgin Lo capLurc Lhcir LhoughLs on a daily basis. IL's noL
ncccssary Lo bc íancy abouL Lhis. Simply scL a pad oí papcr in a placc LhaL will
caLch your aLLcnLion cvcry day. Pick onc Limc cach day Lo rcílccL—ciLhcr íirsL
Lyn Jeffress
!
231

Lhing in Lhc morning or Loward Lhc cnd oí Lhc day. Ovcr Limc, whaL will
happcn is our rcadcrs will bcgin Lo scc LhaL paLLcrns cmcrgc. This is cspccially
hclpíul in dcLcrmining whaL's happcning wiLh your cncrgy and your
cnLhusiasm.

• A sccond Lcchniquc LhaL I usc comcs írom MarLin Scligman's work. IL's callcd
¨Thc Thrcc CraLiLudcs" and Lhis is a íanLasLic cxcrcisc. Thc way LhaL Lhis works
is you scL a pad oí papcr on your nighLsLand and shorLly bcíorc rcLiring íor Lhc
cvcning, wriLc down Lhrcc Lhings LhaL occurrcd during Lhc day íor which you
are gratcíul. Thcn, pick Lhc onc LhaL was mosL imporLanL Lo you and Lhink
abouL LhaL in dcLail. Whilc you'rc íalling aslccp, rclivc iL cxacLly as you rccall iL
and Lhink abouL Lhc rolc LhaL you playcd in bringing Lhis cvcnL abouL. WhaL
you will íind is LhaL your spiriLs will bc vcry high whcn you wakc in Lhc
morning and you bcgin Lo íccl in conLrol oí bringing good Lhings inLo your liíc.

• A Lhird approach is Lo work on Lhc skill oí listening. IisLcning is a diííiculL and
amazing arL. To jusL bc Lhcrc íor somconc clsc, Lo sLay íocuscd on whaL Lhc
oLhcr pcrson is saying, and Lo bc ablc Lo rcílccL back on whaL you'vc hcard gocs
a long way in building rclaLionships. Morc imporLanLly, iL Lcachcs you abouL
yoursclí. You will bcgin Lo rccognizc whcn somcLhing is aííccLing you or
iníorming you. As I mcnLioncd prcviously, Lhis will hclp Lo cxpand your
awarcncss oí Lhc opporLuniLics prcscnLcd Lo you. You havc Lo rcmain prcscnL
and opcn Lo Lhc convcrsaLion occurring in íronL oí you.

• My íourLh Lcchniquc is callcd “mind mapping.” For anyonc who has noL donc
Lhis, I will Lcll you iL is grcaL íun. 3usL Lakc a grcaL big piccc oí papcr and bcgin
Lo capLurc idcas, LhoughLs, ícars, and drcams—jusL as Lhcy pop inLo your
mind. Oncc you havc Lhosc Lhings on your papcr, bcgin Lo caLalog Lhcm, group
Lhcm, and Lic Lhcm LogcLhcr. WhaL cmcrgcs is a picLurc oí your soul's grcaLcsL
dcsirc. For Lhosc who arc noL arLisLic, iL can bc íun jusL Lo gcL a sLack oí
magazincs and cuL ouL picLurcs, words, and/or imagcs LhaL capLurc your
aLLcnLion. Arrangc Lhcm on your papcr and you will bcgin Lo scc your own
picLurc cmcrgc írom Lhc collagc.

• Thc lasL proccss I rccommcnd is LhaL oí sLaying in curiosiLy. Usc Lhc technique
of inquiry. Ask oLhcrs íor Lhcir LhoughLs and Lhcir imprcssions. You will alrcady
havc your own LhoughLs and imprcssions. As you lisLcn Lo oLhcrs, you will íind
Stepping Stones to Success

232

yoursclí growing and adjusLing your awarcncss, your LhoughLs, and your own
acLions.

WRIGHT
So how would you summarizc your philosophy oí succcss`

JEFFRESS
My philosophy is to know LhaL you arc Lruly uniquc, honor Lhc uniqucncss
oí oLhcrs, and scck syncrgy raLhcr Lhan scparaLion.

WRIGHT
Would you Lcll our rcadcrs morc abouL syncrgy vcrsus scparaLion`

JEFFRESS
I am awarc LhaL Lhc word ¨syncrgy" is oíLcn ovcruscd. WhaL is inLcresting to
mc is LhaL Lhc word synergy has iLs origin in ancicnL Crcck and iL mcans
coopcraLion and working LogcLhcr. Ií you look up Lhc dcíiniLion oí syncrgy in
Lhc modcrn dicLionary, you'll íind a dcscripLion LhaL sLaLcs, ¨Thc inLcracLion oí
Lwo or morc íorccs so LhaL Lhcir combincd cííccL is grcaLcr Lhan Lhc sum oí
Lhcir individual parLs." ScparaLion is jusL Lhc opposiLc. InsLcad oí combining
cííorLs íor a grcaLcr ouLcomc, wiLh scparaLion, cach pcrson, cach Lcam, cach
organizaLion, holds Lhcir cííorLs aparL. Thcrcíorc, Lhc mosL you can hopc íor is
Lhc maximum conLribuLion oí cach scparaLc piccc. WiLh syncrgy you gcL onc
plus one equals three or more. WiLh scparaLion you gcL onc and onc, or ií you'rc
lucky, onc plus one equaling two.

WRIGHT
So do the steppingsLoncs LhaL you havc ouLlincd apply in boLh pcrsonal liíc
as wcll as in Lhc workplacc`

JEFFRESS
Ycs, I bclicvc Lhcy do. WhcLhcr you'rc Lalking abouL íamily, íricndships,
school, work, or hobbics, liíc will bc cnrichcd by íollowing Lhcsc
sLcppingsLoncs. Imaginc whaL can bc crcaLcd by individuals, cach bringing Lhcir
Lyn Jeffress
!
233

bcsL Lo a parLncrship or Lo a Lcam or Lo Lhc organizaLion íor which Lhcy work.
You can scc LhaL acLion would bubblc up Lo an incrcdiblc conLribuLion ií
poLcnLial was íully unlcashcd. Somc oí Lhc morc popular buzzwords in Loday's
workplacc arc employee engagement and empowerment. When people are able to
connccL wiLh whaL and how Lhcy do Lhcir bcsL work, and íully uLilizc whaL Lhcy
bring inLo Lhc workplacc, íull cngagcmcnL and cmpowcrmcnL arc rcalizcd. This
bccomcs a win-win íor cvcryonc.

WRIGHT
Would you sharc a couplc cxamplcs oí succcsscs írom your coaching and
íaciliLaLion pracLiccs`

JEFFRESS
Thank you, David, I would lovc Lo. I havc Lhrcc cxamplcs LhaL comc Lo mind
and I'm going Lo Lic Lhcm back Lo my sLcppingsLoncs.

• Thc íirsL is around Lhc conccpLs oí being an observer of yourself and monitoring
your self-talk. WhaL comcs Lo mind íor mc is an individual I workcd wiLh who
bclicvcd LhaL shc was bcing ovcrlookcd in Lhc workplacc and noL bcing allowcd
Lo parLicipaLc and grow íully in hcr work. Hcr bclicí was hcr rcaliLy. Shc could
givc mc cxamplc aíLcr cxamplc oí how somcLhing LhaL shc was inLcrcsLcd in
was givcn Lo somconc clsc Lo work on. Oncc shc bccamc clcar on how and
whaL shc wanLcd Lo conLribuLc, opporLuniLics miraculously bcgan Lo appcar.
Hcr sclí-pcrccpLion and sclí-Lalk wcrc aLLracLing Lhc cxpcricnccs and
opporLuniLics shc wanLcd. Hcr awarcncss, hcr body languagc, and hcr
inLcracLion wiLh oLhcrs communicaLcd clcarly whaL conLribuLion shc wanLcd
Lo makc. Shc íound hcrsclí providcd wiLh Lhosc opporLuniLics.

• My sccond cxamplc is rclated to checking your judgment. I havc a íavoriLc sLory
abouL Lhis. I had an opporLuniLy Lo work wiLh a Lcam LhaL had cxpcricnccd a
scnior lcadcrship changc and Lhc Lcam was noL rcsponding wcll Lo LhaL changc.
A grcaL dcal oí comparison was bcing madc bcLwccn Lhc ncw lcadcr and Lhc
prcvious lcadcr. Pcoplc on Lhc Lcam had bccomc vcry criLical oí Lhc ncw
lcadcr's sLylc and Lhc Lcam was íloundcring in pcríormancc. Thc Lcam íclL LhaL
Lhc lcadcr Look Loo long Lo makc a dccision. Thc lcadcr íclL Lhc pcoplc wcrc
acLing wiLhouL íully cvaluaLing Lhc impacL oí Lhcir acLions. In working wiLh
Stepping Stones to Success

234

Lhis Lcam, I was ablc Lo hclp cach mcmbcr oí Lhc Lcam undcrsLand his or hcr
uniquc conLribuLion and also Lo scc LhaL cach oí Lhc oLhcr mcmbcrs had a
uniquc conLribuLion Lo makc. By coming Lo apprcciaLc Lhc approach LhaL cach
mcmbcr oí Lhc Lcam uscd íor analysis and acLion, Lhcy wcrc all ablc Lo crcaLc
agrccmcnL on Lhc Lcam's approach and Lhcrcby gain Lhc mosL írom cach
mcmbcr's sLylc.

• My lasL cxamplc is around Lhc arL oí true dialog. I was vcry íorLunaLc Lo bc
givcn Lhc opporLuniLy Lo do somc work wiLh a ncwly scaLcd, all volunLccr,
board oí dirccLors. This group oí individuals was going Lo bc LogcLhcr íor onc
ycar. Thcy camc írom diíícrcnL placcs—gcographically as wcll as
organizationally—and cach hcld diíícrcnL posiLions in his or hcr homc
organizaLion. WhaL was imporLanL was Lo discovcr Lhc bcsL way íor Lhis varicd
group Lo comc LogcLhcr, Lo makc conLribuLions, and Lo scrvc Lhc grcaLcr
organizaLion in Lhc ycar ahcad. By opcning awarcncss and crcaLing dialoguc
among Lhc mcmbcrs, Lhc board was ablc Lo bcLLcr undcrsLand how Lo work
LogcLhcr. DcspiLc disLancc and diíícrcnccs Lhcy wcrc ablc Lo achicvc maximum
combincd cííorL íor Lhc organizaLion Lhcy wcrc going Lo scrvc.

WRIGHT
I undcrsLand LhaL you arc also a sLudcnL oí brain physiology. How docs LhaL
coursc oí sLudy íiL wiLh Lhc work you'rc doing`

JEFFRESS
David, my sLudy oí ncuroscicncc is pcríccLly aligncd wiLh my philosophy íor
succcss. WhaL wc know írom cxLcnsivc brain rcscarch is LhaL Lhcrc arc íour
quadranLs in Lhc brain and cach quadranL conLrols a diíícrcnL Lypc oí Lhinking
and bchaving. For cach oí us, Lhcrc is onc oí Lhcsc íour quadranLs LhaL is highly
cííicicnL. Thc oLhcr Lhrcc arc lcss cííicicnL and Lhcrcíorc rcquirc morc cncrgy.
PFT (PosiLron Fmission Tomography) scans havc shown LhaL whcn a pcrson is
using his or hcr prcícrrcd modc oí Lhinking, LhaL quadranL oí Lhc brain shows
up on Lhc scan wiLh Lhc color bluc, which mcans LhaL iL is cool—it is operating
cííicicnLly. To usc any oí Lhc oLhcr Lhrcc modcs oí Lhinking shows up on Lhc
scan as rcd, or hoL. IiLcrally, Lhc cííorL and Lhc amounL oí oxygcn divcrLcd Lo
the non-prcícrrcd quadranLs oí Lhc brain is a sLrain on Lhc individual. Thc
Lyn Jeffress
!
235

rcsulLs oí opcraLing in Lhosc non-prcícrrcd quadranLs includc cxhausLion,
dcprcssion, anxicLy, and burnouL.
WiLh many oí my clicnLs, I havc uscd an insLrumcnL dcvclopcd by Dr.
KaLhcrinc Bcnzigcr. This insLrumcnL dcLcrmincs which quadranL oí Lhc brain is
mosL dcvclopcd and mosL cííicicnL íor cach pcrson LcsLcd. I usc Lhis asscssmcnL
wiLh individuals who rcporL LhaL Lhcy íccl inauLhcnLic in somc way or LhaL Lhcy
bclicvc Lhcy arc pursuing Lhc wrong paLh in liíc. This oíLcn prcscnLs iLsclí
Loward middlc agc or during a mid-liíc LransiLion.
Howcvcr, I bclicvc Lhis insLrumcnL is oí incrcdiblc valuc Lo pcoplc as Lhcy
arc bcginning Lhcir carccrs. Thc iníormaLion hclps individuals Lo undcrsLand
whaL works bcsL íor Lhcm. How Lhis applics Lo my philosophy íor succcss is
cxacLly Lhc samc as I dcscribcd carlicr in our convcrsaLion—ií you Lry Lo bc likc
somconc clsc, ií you arc noL awarc oí your own sclí and your own giíLs, you may
acLually bc doing damagc. MosL ccrLainly you arc noL living up Lo your own
poLcnLial.

WRIGHT
Your company is callcd Imagincd FuLurc. WhaL is Lhc íuLurc LhaL you
imaginc`

JEFFRESS
David, Lhc íuLurc I imaginc begins today. As cach oí us sLrivcs Lo aLLain our
Lruc poLcnLial, and as wc lcarn Lo apprcciaLc diíícrcnccs around us, wc will pass
LhaL lcarning on Lo íuLurc gcncraLions.
I cnvision a íuLurc whcrc pcoplc arc allowcd and cncouragcd Lo grow inLo
Lhcir own poLcnLial, whcrc childrcn who arrivc in Lhis world arc cncouragcd Lo
bc curious abouL liíc, and whcrc childrcn arc raiscd wiLh lovc and arc nurLurcd
Lo cmbracc Lhcir uniqucncss. Whcn wc allow childrcn Lo grow up
understanding that they are unique and to value that everyonc around Lhcm
brings diíícrcnL giíL, Lhcn wc will havc Lruc divcrsiLy.
I'm rcmindcd oí a song írom Lhc Broadway play South Pacific. The song is
LiLlcd, ¨You'vc CoL Lo bc TaughL." Many oí our rcadcrs may bc íamiliar wiLh Lhis
poignanL song, which rcminds us so clcarly LhaL divisions, ícar, and biascs arc
noL somcLhing wiLh which wc comc inLo Lhis world as a child. Thosc Lhings arc
Stepping Stones to Success

236

LaughL Lo us. So, in my imagincd íuLurc, wc will Lcach pcoplc Lo valuc
diíícrcnccs and Lo bring cach diíícrcncc inLo Lhc wcaving oí a bcauLiíul
LapcsLry, íull oí uniquc colors, paLLcrns, and Lhrcads.

WRIGHT
Wcll, whaL an inLcrcsLing convcrsaLion. I'vc Lakcn so many noLcs hcrc. I was
promising mysclí LhaL I was going Lo sLarL journaling and gcL inLo Lhc Lhrcc
gratitudes, and lisLcning, and mind mapping, and inquiry as you wcrc Lalking. I
havc rcally cnjoycd Lhis convcrsaLion. I'vc lcarncd a loL and I'm surc LhaL our
rcadcrs will. I apprcciaLc Laking all Lhis Limc you'vc Lakcn Lo spcnd wiLh mc Lhis
morning answcring Lhcsc qucsLions.

JEFFRESS
Thank you, David. I havc also cnjoycd our Limc LogcLhcr.

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh Iyn 3cíírcss. Iyn is Lhc Foundcr and
PrcsidcnL oí Imagincd FuLurc, a coaching, consulLing, and Lraining
organizaLion. Shc hclps individuals, Lcams, and organizaLions discovcr and
maximizc Lhcir pcríormancc. Hcr passion is hclping oLhcrs discovcr and rclcasc
Lhcir poLcnLial. IisLcning Lo hcr Loday, I Lhink shc knows whaL shc is Lalking
abouL.
Iyn, Lhank you so much íor bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to
Success.

JEFFRESS
Thank you.
237

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
LYN JEFFRESS is Foundcr and PrcsidcnL oí Imagincd FuLurc, Inc

, a
coaching, consulLing, and Lraining organizaLion. Iyn's passion is hclping oLhcrs
discovcr and rclcasc Lhcir poLcnLial and livc Lhc liíc Lhcy'vc only drcamcd oí.
Iyn holds boLh a master’s dcgrcc in Icadcrship and an MBA. In addiLion,
Iyn rcccivcd hcr coaching ccrLiíicaLion írom Lhc Hudson InsLiLuLc and has had
Lhc honor oí sLudying wiLh visionary Lhinkcrs such as MarLin Scligman,
SLcphcn R. Covcy, David I. Coopcrridcr, as wcll as movic produccr, SLcphcn
Simon.
Through Lhc work oí Imagincd FuLurc, Inc. Iyn hclps individuals, Lcams,
and organizaLions discovcr and maximizc Lhcir pcríormancc. Hcr work wiLh
Lcams rcsulLs in incrcascd undcrsLanding oí Lhc poLcnLial oí cach mcmbcr. Shc
also hclps Lo shiíL paradigms wiLhin organizaLions in ordcr Lo improvc Lhc
conLribuLion oí cach Lcam Lo Lhc organizaLion.


LYN JEFFRESS
l2032 SF KcnL-Kanglcy Road, SuiLc 255
KcnL, WA 0S030
253-239-1387
lynjøimagincdíuLurc.com
www.imagincdíuLurc.com



Stepping Stones to Success

238


239


C HA P T E R S I X T E E N
Dcvclop a Disciplincd Iiíc
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Dr. Denis Waitley
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc arc Lalking wiLh Dr. Dcnis WaiLlcy. Dcnis is onc oí Amcrica's mosL
rcspccLcd auLhors, kcynoLc lccLurcrs, and producLiviLy consulLanLs on high
pcríormancc human achicvcmcnL. Hc has inspircd, iníormcd, challcngcd, and
cnLcrLaincd audicnccs íor morc Lhan LwcnLy-íivc ycars írom Lhc boardrooms oí
mulLi-naLional corporaLions Lo Lhc conLrol rooms oí NASA's spacc program and
írom Lhc lockcr rooms oí world-class aLhlcLcs Lo Lhc mccLing rooms oí Lhousands
oí convcnLionccrs LhroughouL Lhc world.
WiLh morc Lhan Lcn million audio programs sold in íourLeen languages, Denis
WaiLlcy is Lhc mosL lisLcncd-Lo voicc on pcrsonal and carccr succcss. Hc is Lhc
auLhor oí Lwclvc non-íicLion books, including scvcral inLcrnaLional bcsLscllcrs. His
audio album, ¨Thc Psychology oí Winning," is Lhc all-Limc bcsL-selling program on
sclí-masLcry. Dr. WaiLlcy is a íounding dirccLor oí Lhc NaLional Council on Sclí-
FsLccm and Lhc PrcsidcnL's Council on VocaLional FducaLion. Hc rcccnLly rcccivcd
Stepping Stones to Success

240

Lhc ¨YouLh Flamc Award" írom Lhc NaLional Council on YouLh Icadcrship íor his
outsLanding conLribuLion Lo high school youLh lcadcrship.
A graduaLc oí Lhc U.S. Naval Acadcmy Annapolis, and íormcr Navy piloL, hc
holds a docLoraLc dcgrcc in human bchavior.
Dcnis, iL is my sinccrc plcasurc Lo wclcomc you Lo Stepping Stones to Success!
Thank you íor bcing wiLh us Loday.

DR. DENIS WAITLEY (WAITLEY)
David, iL's grcaL Lo bc wiLh you again. IL's bccn Loo long. I always gcL cxciLcd
whcn I know you'rc going Lo call. Maybc wc can makc somc good Lhings happcn
íor Lhosc who arc rcally inLcrcsLcd in gcLLing ahcad and moving íorward wiLh Lhcir
own carccrs in Lhcir livcs.

WRIGHT
I know our rcadcrs would cnjoy hcaring you Lalk abouL your íormaLivc ycars.
Will you Lcll us a liLLlc abouL your liíc growing up in Lhc conLcxL oí whaL you'vc
achicvcd and whaL shapcd you inLo Lhc pcrson you arc Loday` Do you rcmcmbcr
onc or Lwo pivoLal cxpcricnccs LhaL propcllcd you on Lhc paLh you cvcnLually
chosc`

WAITLEY
I bclicvc many oí us arc rcdwood Lrccs in a ílowcrpoL. Wc'vc bccomc rooL-
bound by our carlicr cnvironmcnL and iL's up Lo cach oí us Lo rcalizc LhaL and
brcak ouL oí our ílowcr poL ií wc'rc going Lo grow Lo our íull poLcnLial.
I rcmcmbcr my íaLhcr lcíL our homc whcn I was a liLLlc boy. Hc said goodnighL
and goodbyc and suddcnly I bccamc Lhc man oí Lhc íamily aL agc ninc. My liLLlc
broLhcr was only Lwo, so I had Lo carry him around as my liLLlc shadow íor Lhc
cnsuing ycars. To Lhis day my kid broLhcr has always lookcd aL mc as his dad, cvcn
Lhough Lhcrc is only scvcn ycars' diíícrcncc bcLwccn us. Hc'll phonc mc and ask
whaL hc should do and I'll Lcll him, ¨I'm your broLhcr, noL your íaLhcr!"
Our dad was a grcaL guy buL hc drank Loo much and had somc habiLs LhaL Look
a íirm hold on him. Hc ncvcr abuscd mc and always cxpccLcd morc írom mc Lhan
hc did írom himsclí. I had a push-pull—on Lhc onc hand, I íclL inadcquaLc and
Dr. Denis Waitley

241

guilLy whcn I would go Lo succccd buL on Lhc oLhcr hand, Dad kcpL íccding mc Lhc
idca LhaL hc misscd his ship and I'd caLch minc. Thc only Lhing I could do Lo gcL ouL
oí LhaL rollcr coasLcr impacL was Lo ridc my bicyclc LwcnLy milcs cvcry SaLurday
ovcr Lo my grandmoLhcr's housc. Shc was my cscapc. I would mow hcr lawn and
shc would givc mc such grcaL íccdback and rciníorccmcnL. Shc Lold mc Lo planL
Lhc sccds oí grcaLncss as shc and I planLcd our ¨vicLory gardcn" during World War
II. Shc Lold mc LhaL wccds would comc unannounccd and uninviLcd—I didn’t need
Lo worry abouL wccds coming inLo my liíc, Lhcy didn'L cvcn nccd Lo bc waLcrcd.
I said, ¨Wow! You don'L havc Lo waLcr wccds`"
¨No," shc rcplicd, ¨Lhcy'll show up in your liíc and whaL you nccd Lo do, my
grandson, is modcl your liíc aíLcr pcoplc who'vc bccn consisLcnL and rcal in Lhcir
conLribuLion as rolc modcls and mcnLors."
Shc also Lold mc LhaL a library card would cvcnLually bc much morc valuablc
Lhan a MasLcr Card. Bccausc oí my grandmoLhcr rcading biographics oí pcoplc
who'd ovcrcomc so much morc Lhan I was going Lhrough, I LhoughL, ¨Wow! I don'L
havc any problcms comparcd Lo somc oí Lhcsc grcaL pcoplc in hisLory who rcally
camc írom bchind Lo gcL ahcad." I Lhink LhaL was my sLarL in liíc.
I wcnL Lo Lhc Naval Acadcmy bccausc Lhc Korcan War was in íorcc and you had
Lo scrvc your counLry, so Lhc bcsL way was Lo run and hidc in an acadcmy. Ií you
earned enough good grades you wcrc puL Lhrough wiLhouL a scholarship or wiLhouL
moncy írom your parcnLs. Sincc my parcnLs didn'L havc any moncy, iL was a grcaL
way Lo gcL a collcgc cducaLion.
I bccamc a Navy piloL aíLcr LhaL and lcarncd LhaL ií you simulaLc and rchcarsc
properly you’ll probably lcarn Lo íly LhaL machinc. BuL much oí iL has Lo do wiLh
Lhc amounL oí pracLicc you puL inLo ground school and inLo going Lhrough Lhc
paccs. As I gaincd cxpcricncc bcing a Navy piloL, I cvcnLually dccidcd Lo go on and
gcL my advanccd dcgrcc in psychology bccausc I wanLcd Lo dcvclop pcoplc raLhcr
Lhan sLay in Lhc miliLary. I pursucd a program whcrc I could Lakc my miliLary and
morc disciplincd background and puL iL inLo human dcvclopmcnL. ThaL's basically
Lhc sLory.
I carncd my docLoraLc, I mcL 3onas Salk, and Dr. Salk inLroduccd mc Lo somc
pionccrs in Lhc bchavioral íicld. Thcn along camc Farl NighLingalc who hcard jusL
a simplc Lapcd cvcning spccch oí minc and dccidcd LhaL maybc my voicc was good
Stepping Stones to Success

242

cnough, cvcn Lhough I was a ¨ncw kid on Lhc block," Lo maybc do an album on
pcrsonal dcvclopmcnL, which I did in l07S. IL surpriscd mc Lhc mosL, and
cvcryonc clsc also, LhaL iL bccamc onc oí Lhc bcsLscllcrs oí all Limc.

WRIGHT
Bcing a graduaLc oí Annapolis and having bccn a Navy piloL, Lo whaL dcgrcc did
your cxpcricncc in Lhc Navy shapc your liíc and your idcas abouL producLiviLy and
pcríormancc`

WAITLEY
David, I Lhink Lhosc cxpcricnccs shapcd my liíc and idcas a grcaL dcal. I was an
original surícr boy írom Caliíornia and whcn I cnLcrcd Lhc Naval Acadcmy I íound
LhaL surícr boys had Lhcir hcads shavcd and wcrc Lold Lo go sLand in linc—
cvcryonc's succcssíul so you'rc noLhing spccial. I íound mysclí on a Lcam LhaL was
vcry compcLiLivc buL aL Lhc samc Limc had good camaradcric.
I rcalizcd LhaL I didn'L havc Lhc kind oí disciplinc sLrucLurc in my liíc LhaL I
nccdcd. I also discovcrcd LhaL all Lhcsc oLhcr guys wcrc as LalcnLcd, or morc
LalcnLcd, Lhan I was. WhaL LhaL shapcd íor mc was rcalizing LhaL Lhc cííorL
rcquircd Lo bccomc succcssíul is habiL-íorming. I Lhink I lcarncd hcalLhy habiLs aL
Lhc Acadcmy and as a Navy piloL jusL Lo sLay alivc. To pcríorm Lhcsc kinds oí
íuncLions I rcally had Lo havc a morc disciplincd liíc. ThaL scL mc on my sLagc íor
working morc on a daily basis aL habiL íormaLion Lhan jusL bcing a posiLivc Lhinkcr
only.

WRIGHT
In our book, Stepping Stones to Success, wc'rc cxploring a varicLy oí issucs
rclaLcd Lo human naLurc and Lhc qucsL Lo succccd. In your bcsL-sclling program,
The Psychology of Winning, you íocus on building sclí-csLccm, moLivaLion, and sclí-
disciplinc. Why arc Lhcsc so crucial Lo winning and succcss`

WAITLEY
Thcy'rc so crucial Lhcy'rc misundcrsLood. I Lhink cspccially Lhc Lcrm ¨sclí-
csLccm" is misundcrsLood. Wc'vc spcnL a íorLunc and wc had a Caliíornia
Dr. Denis Waitley

243

committee on it—wc íormcd Lhc NaLional Council on Sclí-FsLccm. WhaL has
happcncd, in my opinion, is LhaL sclí-csLccm has bccn misuscd and misjudgcd as
bcing sclí-indulgcncc, sclí-graLiíicaLion—a cclcbriLy kind oí mcnLaliLy. Wc'vc puL
Loo much cmphasis on Lhc wrong idca abouL sclí-csLccm.
Sclí-csLccm is acLually Lhc dccp down, insidc Lhc skin íccling oí your own worLh
rcgardlcss oí your agc, cLhniciLy, gcndcr, or lcvcl oí currcnL pcríormancc. IL's rcally
a bclicí LhaL you'rc good cnough Lo invcsL in cducaLion and cííorL and you bclicvc
somc kind oí drcam whcn LhaL's all you havc Lo hang onLo.
WhaL's happcncd, uníorLunaLcly, is LhaL wc'vc paid so much aLLcnLion Lo sclí-
csLccm iL's bccomc a cclcbriLy and an arcna mcnLaliLy kind oí conccpL. MosL pcoplc
arc ¨sLruLLin' Lhcir sLuíí" and Lhcy'rc cclcbraLing aíLcr cvcry good play on Lhc
aLhlcLic íicld, whcrcas, ií you'rc a real proícssional, LhaL's whaL you do anyway. A
rcal proícssional is humblc, gracious, and undcrsLands íans. I Lhink LhaL whaL
wc'vc donc is puL Loo much cmphasis on asscrLing onc's sclí and bclicving LhaL
you'rc Lhc grcaLcsL and Lhcn Lalking abouL iL Loo much or showing oíí Loo much in
ordcr Lo makc LhaL sclí-csLccm public.
Thc rcal sclí-csLccm has Lwo aspccLs: l) Bclicving LhaL you dcscrvc as much as
anyonc clsc and LhaL you'rc worLhy. Somconc may look aL you and Lcll you Lhcy scc
rcal poLcnLial in you. Ií you can íccl LhaL you havc poLcnLial and you'rc worLh Lhc
cííorL, LhaL's Lhc íirsL sLcp. 2) Thc sccond sLcp is Lo sLarL doing Lhings Lo givc you
coníidcncc so LhaL whcn you do somcLhing and lcarn somcLhing iL works ouL and
you'll gcL Lhc sclí-coníidcncc LhaL comcs írom rciníorcing small succcsscs. ThaL
combinaLion oí cxpccLaLion and rciníorccmcnL is íundamcnLal Lo anyonc who
wanLs Lo bc a high achicvcr. ThaL's whaL sclí-csLccm is rcally all abouL—deserving
on Lhc onc hand and rciníorcing succcss in small ways Lo gcL your moLor running
and íccl Lhc coníidcncc LhaL you can do bcLLcr Lhan you havc bccn.
Fcars crop up and gcL in Lhc way oí our moLivaLion. In my casc I was aíraid oí
succcss. Nobody had cvcr succccdcd in our íamily and bccausc Lhcy hadn'L, I íclL
inadcquaLc Lo bc ablc Lo succccd. Whcncvcr iL would show up around Lhc corncr I
would Lhink, ¨Wcll, Lhis is Loo good Lo bc Lruc íor mc—I don’t deservc LhaL." So I
would íccl a liLLlc biL doubLíul oí my abiliLics. Whcn I would succccd, Lhcrc would
bc an aLLcndanL, ¨Yclp!" I would íccl bccausc I would noL bclicvc I dcscrvcd whaL I
had achicvcd.
Stepping Stones to Success

244

I Lhink ícar is Lhc Lhing LhaL gcLs in Lhc way oí our moLivaLion bccausc wc'rc all
moLivaLcd by inhibiLions and compulsions. You should bc moLivaLcd morc by Lhc
rcsulL you wanL raLhcr Lhan Lhc pcnalLy. ThaL's why I'vc always said LhaL winncrs
arc moLivaLcd by rcward oí succcss raLhcr Lhan inhibiLcd or compcllcd by the
pcnalLy oí íailurc. Ií you gcL Lhis convicLion LhaL you'rc as good as Lhc bcsL buL no
better than the rest—I'm worLh Lhc cííorL, I'm noL Mr. Wondcríul, I'm noL Lhc
ccnLcr oí Lhc univcrsc buL I can do somc Lhings LhaL I havcn'L donc ycL—and then
apply Lhis moLivaLion Lo dcsirc raLhcr Lhan ícar, LhaL is whcn sclí-disciplinc comcs
inLo play.
I'd havc Lo say, David, I could spcnd Lhc cnLirc inLcrvicw on sclí-disciplinc
bccausc I misscd iL as onc oí Lhc mosL imporLanL ingrcdicnLs in succcss. I'vc always
bccn a bclicí guy, an opLimism guy, a íaiLh guy, and all Lhc sclí-csLccm Lhings buL I
Lhink, as Limc wcnL on, I íorgoL Lhc amounL oí disciplinc iL Lakcs íor anyonc who is
a champion in any cndcavor. I Lhink I'm back on LhaL Lrack now.

WRIGHT
I can rcally apprcciaLc Lhc Flamc Award you won írom Lhc NaLional Council on
YouLh Icadcrship íor hclping high school lcadcrs. I'vc goL a daughLcr in collcgc and
I know how diííiculL and imporLanL iL is. BuL in somc circlcs, sclí-csLccm has
gotten a bad repuLaLion. For cxamplc, in many schools, Lcachcrs won'L rcward high
achicvcrs íor ícar oí hurLing Lhc sclí-csLccm oí oLhcrs in Lhc classroom. Many
pcoplc íccl Lhis is noL hclpíul Lo Lhcsc childrcn.
In your opinion, whcrc is Lhc balancc bcLwccn building hcalLhy sclí-csLccm and
prcparing kids and adulLs Lo copc and succccd in a compcLiLivc world`

WAITLEY
I Lhink LhaL Lhcrc has Lo íirsL oí all bc somc kind oí pcríormancc sLandard. A
good cxamplc is Lhc Olympic Camcs. Thc idca oí Lhc Olympic Camcs is Lo scL a
sLandard LhaL you'vc Lricd Lo livc up Lo in your own way as a world-class pcrson,
rcalizing LhaL Lhcrc can only bc so many Olympians and so many gold mcdalisLs
and so on. I Lhink, on Lhc onc hand, iL's rcally imporLanL Lo havc sLandards bccausc
ií you havc a sLandard, Lhcn you havc somcLhing Langiblc Lo shooL íor or Lo
mcasurc againsL.
Dr. Denis Waitley

245

I Lhink Lhcrc's a problcm, howcvcr, in LhaL only so many pcoplc can bc
mcdalisLs and win mcdals aL Lhc Olympics. Onc oí Lhc rcasons LhaL Lhc high jump
bar, íor cxamplc, is scL so LhaL cvcryonc can jump ovcr iL Lhc íirsL Limc, is Lo
cxpcricncc Lhc íccling oí succcss LhaL íirsL jump produccs. Thc íccling oí succcss is
working in Lhc compcLiLor bcíorc Lhc bar is raiscd Lo world rccord hcighL and Lo
much highcr sLandards Lhan cvcn Lhc normal Olympian.
I'm onc who bclicvcs in LcsLing. IL's diííiculL whcn you havc a ¨No Child IcíL
Bchind" conccpL bccausc many Limcs Loday wc'rc going pass/íail. Wc'rc moving
pcoplc up Lhrough Lhc gradcs rcgardlcss oí Lhcir pcríormancc simply bccausc wc
don'L wanL Lhcm lcíL bchind and Lhcrcíorc íccling LhaL Lhcy'rc noL ablc Lo íuncLion
simply bccausc Lhcy can'L compcLc wiLh somc sLudcnLs who'vc bccn givcn many
morc opporLuniLics Lo succccd Lhan oLhcrs.
Having said LhaL, I'd say LhaL hcalLhy sclí-esteem is gaincd by giving spcciíic
stair-sLcp, incrcmcnLal, biLc-sizcd picccs, pcrhaps Lhcrc nccds Lo bc scvcral
diíícrcnL sLandards scL. Usually Lhc grading sysLcm docs LhaL and Lhc poinL sysLcm
docs LhaL whcrc you havc somconc who has a íour poinL Lhrcc grade average
bccausc oí all Lhc cxLra crcdiLs Lhcy'rc Laking. Thcn you havc Lhosc wiLh a Lhrcc
poinL cighL and Lhcn Lhosc who arc jusL barcly passing. UníorLunaLcly Lhcn, whaL
LhaL docs is cnablc only a ícw pcoplc Lo gcL inLo univcrsiLics and Lhc oLhcrs havc to
go Lo communiLy collcgcs.
WhaL I will havc Lo say, howcvcr, is LhaL wc in Lhc UniLcd SLaLcs havc Lo bc vcry
carcíul LhaL wc don'L dumb down or lowcr our sLandards íor cxccllcncc in our
schools. Travcling as much as I do, I havc discovcrcd iníormaLion abouL Lhis. For
cxamplc, Lhcrc arc 300 univcrsiLics in Bcijing alonc—jusL in onc ciLy in China. Thc
way iL gocs inLcrnaLionally is LhaL Lhc public schools in 3apan, íor cxamplc, arc
much morc compcLiLivc Lhan Lhc privaLc schools. Ií you'rc in 3apan going Lo a
public school, you havc Lo rcally pcríorm up Lo Lhc highcsL sLandards in ordcr Lo
cvcr Lhink oí qualiíying íor any kind oí univcrsiLy. You'd havc Lo go inLo a
vocaLional school ií you didn'L compcLc in highcr sLandards in public schools in
3apan. Thc samc Lhing is Lruc in Singaporc, China, and in Lhc dcvcloping naLions.
Wc havc a siLuaLion brcwing hcrc whcrc wc'vc goL global dcvcloping counLrics
wiLh rcally high sLandards in Fnglish, maLhcmaLics, cnginccring, and scicncc. And
wc havc cducaLors in Lhc UniLcd SLaLcs who arc morc conccrncd abouL making
Stepping Stones to Success

246

surc LhaL Lhc sclí-csLccm oí an individual docsn'L gcL damagcd by Lhis compcLiLivc
sLandard. I Lhink wc havc Lo mainLain sLandards oí cxccllcncc.
I wish wc had kcpL drcss codcs in schools. I havc íound schools that have
marching bands. A ccrLain amounL oí uniíormiLy noL only cncouragcs grcaLcr
aLhlcLic pcríormancc buL highcr acadcmic sLandards as wcll. Thc samc is Lruc
globally. Thcrc's an argumcnL LhaL ií you puL kids in uniíorms, you'rc going Lo limiL
their crcaLivc Lhinking. Thc LruLh is, ií you can sLandardizc Lhc way pcoplc appcar
in Lhcir sLylc, Lhcn you can íocus morc on subsLancc—Lhcir cxpcricncc,
imaginaLion, conLribuLion, and Lhcir sLudy. Thc corc oí an individual raLhcr Lhan
Lhc suríacc oí an individual can bc dcvclopcd much bcLLcr. IL would bc grcaL ií wc
could combinc Lhc morc disciplincd aspccLs oí Lhc dcvcloping counLrics wiLh Lhc
morc cnLrcprcncurial, crcaLivc, írcc-Lhinking aspccLs oí our socicLy, which mcans
wc'rc criLical Lhinkcrs (i.c., you Lhrow us a problcm and wc'll Lry cvcryLhing wc can
possibly Lhink oí Lo solvc iL). In Lhc dcvcloping counLrics Lhcy'll usc a LcxLbook or
an oldcr pcrson's cxpcricncc raLhcr Lhan using criLical Lhinking.
Wc'rc vcry cnLrcprcncurial hcrc in Amcrica, buL I'm vcry much conccrncd LhaL
our sLandards arc bcing lowcrcd Loo much. Ií wc'rc noL carcíul, wc'rc going Lo Lakc
our placc in Lhc íuLurc as a sccond-raLc cducaLional counLry and Lhcrcíorc íoríciL
Lhc idca oí bcing a Lcchnological and markcL lcadcr.

WRIGHT
I also hcar grumbling abouL moLivaLion. I'm surc you'vc sccn busincss pcoplc
roll Lhcir cycs a biL aL Lhc mcnLion oí lisLcning Lo ¨moLivaLional" Lapcs or CDs.
Somc Lirc oí gcLLing all hypcd up abouL changc or salcs goals, íor cxamplc, only Lo
losc Lhcir cxciLcmcnL and íail Lo rcach Lhcir goals. Arc Lhcy missing somcLhing
criLical abouL Lhc naLurc or applicaLion oí moLivaLion`

WAITLEY
I rcally bclicvc Lhcy arc, David. I Lhink Lhcy'rc missing Lhc idca LhaL whaL you
want in liíc Lurns you on much morc Lhan whaL you need in liíc. Too oíLcn busincss
managcrs cvcn Loday íocus on Lhc hard skills bccausc Lhcy say LhaL Lhc oLhcr skills
arc ¨soíL skills." Wcll, Lhcrc's no such Lhing as a hard or soíL skill bccausc you can'L
scparaLc your pcrsonal írom your proícssional liíc anymorc. You gcL íircd morc íor
Dr. Denis Waitley

247

personal reasons—íor bcing laLc, íor your habiLs, íor you hygicnc, your bchavior,
your angcr. This idca LhaL Lcchnical Lraining as opposcd Lo moLivaLion is Lhc way Lo
go is misguidcd.
I havc íound LhaL cmployccs arc cxciLcd and arc íull oí dcsirc and cncrgy
bccausc managcmcnL lisLcns Lo Lhcm, rciníorccs Lhcm, is inLcrcsLcd in Lhcir
pcrsonal goals, and is inLcrcsLcd in kccping Lhcm inspircd. ThaL inspiraLion is whaL
wc rcmcmbcr. So, whcn wc go Lo a mccLing wc rcmcmbcr how wc íclL abouL Lhc
mccLing, noL Lhc spcciíics oí Lhc mccLing.
I Lhink Lhis cmoLional componcnL—kccping pcoplc's cncrgy and dcsircs
íorcmosL and doing a dcsirc analysis oí cmployccs raLhcr Lhan jusL a nccds
analysis—is vcry, vcry imporLanL. I oíLcn Lhink Lhis is losL in Lhc idca LhaL wc'rc
giving a pcp Lalk, or a quick íix, or a Band-Aid whcn, as Zig Ziglar has mcnLioncd so
many Limcs, ¨MoLivaLion is likc Laking a baLh. You Lakc a baLh cvcry day and you
mighL say why Lakc a baLh—you’re going to get dirty anyway." BuL Lhc vcry naLurc
oí doing iL, and doing iL on a habiLual basis, makcs Lhis posiLivc cncrgy conLinuc Lo
ílow and moLivaLion bccomcs habiL-íorming. I Lhink you nccd a loL oí iL Lo kccp
Lhcsc habiLs oí cxccllcncc or clsc you'll jusL bc running scared—you'll bc aíraid noL
Lo do wcll bccausc you'll losc your job.
Bclicvc iL or noL, wc havc a loL oí cmployccs in Amcrica who arc working hardcr
Lhan Lhcy cvcr havc bcíorc so Lhcy won'L bc íircd. ThaL's noL rcally Lhc way Lo go
aíLcr a goal—consLanLly looking Lhrough Lhc rcar vicw mirror Lrying Lo covcr your
bchind.

WRIGHT
Ií you don'L mind, I'd likc Lo changc Lhc íocus a liLLlc Lo Lhc Lopic oí sclí-
disciplinc. Pcoplc sccm Lo know whaL Lhcy should do and how Lhcy should changc,
buL Lhcy jusL can'L disciplinc Lhcmsclvcs Lo Lakc Lhc ncccssary sLcps Lo do so. WhaL
is Lhc sccrcL Lo bccoming a disciplincd pcrson`

WAITLEY
I Lhink Lhc sccrcL is Lo gcL a Lcam, a supporL group, a masLcrmind group
bccausc noL only is Lhcrc saícLy in numbcrs buL Lhcrc's accounLabiliLy in numbcrs.
Whcn wc arc accounLablc Lo onc anoLhcr Lo mainLain a ccrLain sLandard oí
Stepping Stones to Success

248

disciplinc, iL's much casicr Lo work ouL ií somconc clsc is gcLLing up aL six-thirty in
Lhc morning wiLh you. IL's much casicr Lo havc a supporL group ií you'rc inLcrcsted
in mainLaining a hcalLhicr dicL, íor cxamplc, bccausc Lhc LcmpLaLions arc
irrcsisLiblc Lo procrasLinaLc and Lo íall oíí Lhc wagon. ThaL's why I bclicvc you nccd
a Lcam cííorL.
IL also has Lo bc undcrsLood in an immcdiaLc graLiíicaLion socicLy LhaL Lhcre is
no ¨succcss pill" LhaL you can swallow. Thcrc is no quick way Lo gcL rich and gcL Lo
Lhc Lop. Thcrc is Lhis sLcady raLchcLing Lo Lhc Lop and LhaL's why I Lhink lcadcrs
nccd Lo say iL's going Lo Lakc us abouL a ycar Lo gcL any pcrmancnL changc going.
So, I Lhink wc should all undcrsLand Lhcrc may bc a liLLlc dip in producLiviLy as wc
sLarL Lhis ncw program oí ours—a liLLlc dip aL íirsL and a liLLlc unccrLainLy—but
ovcr Limc, ovcr abouL a ycar, wc'rc going Lo bccomc likc an asLronauL or an
Olympian. Wc nccd Lo cngrain Lhcsc idcas so Lhcy bccomc rcílcxivc. IL Lakcs abouL
a ycar íor an idca or a habiL Lo bccomc a rcílcx. This idca oí bcing ablc Lo do iL in
LwcnLy-onc days is misguidcd. I don'L Lhink iL Lakcs LwcnLy-one days to learn a
skill. IL may Lakc Lwenty-onc days Lo lcarn Lo Lypc, iL may Lakc LwcnLy-one days to
bcgin Lo lcarn a skill, buL iL Lakcs a ycar íor iL Lo gcL inLo Lhc subconscious and Lakc
hold.
I Lhink wc havc Lo lcarn LhaL disciplinc is pracLicing on a daily basis íor abouL a
ycar so LhaL iL will bccomc a habiL—a pattern—LhaL will ovcrridc Lhc old inncr
soíLwarc program.

WRIGHT
I'm a big bclicvcr in Lhc grcaLcr poLcnLial oí Lhc individual. I rcmcmbcr a
ícllow—Paul Myer—who hclpcd mc a loL whcn I was a young guy. Hc was in Waco,
Tcxas, wiLh a company callcd Succcss MoLivaLion InsLiLuLc. You may know him.

WAITLEY
I know him vcry wcll. AcLually, hc's onc oí Lhc icons and pionccrs in Lhis cnLirc
íicld. Hc and Farl NighLingalc wcrc Lhc íirsL oncs Lo cvcr havc a rccordcd spcaking
mcssagc oLhcr Lhan music. Farl and Paul wcrc pionccrs in audio rccording and I
havc sLill a grcaL rcspccL íor Paul. I spokc íor his organizaLion somc Limc ago.

Dr. Denis Waitley

249

WRIGHT
Hc pcrsonally hclpcd mc a loL whcn I was youngcr and I jusL rcally apprcciaLcd
him. In your book and program, Seeds of Greatness, you ouLlinc a sysLcm íor
nurLuring grcaLncss. Will you givc us a bricí ovcrvicw oí Lhis program`

WAITLEY
IL's Lakcn mc LhirLy ycars Lo gcL Lhis Lhing Lo whcrc I wanL iL. I wroLc Lhc book
LwcnLy ycars ago LiLlcd, Seeds of Greatness, and surc, iL bccamc a bcsLscllcr buL so
did One Minute Manager, In Search of Excellence, Iacocca, and cvcry oLhcr book aL
LhaL Limc. I havc Lroublc kccping LhaL Lhing pumpcd up.
Ovcr Lhc ycars I'vc íound LhaL Seeds of Greatness, íor mc, has bccn a sysLcm.
WhaL I'vc had Lo do is go back Lhrough all Lhc misLakcs I'vc madc as a íamily
lcadcr. I kncw I was a íaLhcr and noL a moLhcr and íaLhcr so I had Lo íind a moLhcr
who was also a good clinical psychologisL and who had workcd wiLh cvcry íorm oí
bchavioral problcm. Wc puL our cííorLs LogcLhcr so LhaL wc had a man and a
woman as íamily lcadcrs wiLh clinical and oLhcr cxpcricncc who could givc parcnLs
or leaders oí Lhc day a ccrLain Lrack Lo run on whcrc Lhcy could coach Lhcir small
childrcn and adolcsccnLs on a daily basis.
I providcd a pcrpcLual calcndar LhaL givcs coaching Lips oí Lhc day—whaL I call
¨sign on Lhc day" and ¨sign oíí Lhc day"—íor parcnLs Lo usc Lo communicaLc wiLh
Lhcir kids. Thcn I had Lo puL nincLccn CDs LogcLhcr—audio Lracks—LhaL covcrcd
Lhcsc ¨rooLs and wings," which I would call Lhc ¨corc valucs" and Lhc morc
moLivaLional or, ií you will, ways Lo scL your kids írcc.
Thc idca oí parcnLhood should bc Lo lay Lhc groundwork, makc iL saíc Lo íail an
cxpcrimcnL, and Lhcn scnd Lhcm oíí on Lhcir own as indcpcndcnL, noL
codcpcndcnL, young adulLs so Lhcy can rcach Lhcir own dcsLiny. I dividcd iL inLo
¨rooLs oí corc valucs" and ¨wings oí sclí-moLivaLion and sclí-dirccLion" and Lricd Lo
balancc Lhc Lwo so LhaL whcLhcr you'rc írom a blcndcd íamily, or a singlc parcnL
íamily, and whcLhcr you'rc sLrucLurally rcligious or whcLhcr you'rc spiriLually
rcligious, iL would work, rcgardlcss oí your pcrsonal corc bclicí sysLcm.
I'm vcry happy LhaL wc'vc íinally puL LogcLhcr a sclí-sLudy program LhaL can bc
LaughL by Lhc auLhors or by pcoplc who arc liccnscd íaciliLaLors. IL's somcLhing
LhaL a íamily lcadcrship group could Lakc and work on Lhcir own aL Lhcir own
Stepping Stones to Success

250

spccd by waLching, lisLcning, inLcracLing wiLh Lhcir kids, and using a combinaLion
oí a wriLLcn book, Lhc audios, Lhc DVDs, and Lhis coaching calcndar Lo maybc puL
iL all LogcLhcr so LhaL ovcr a pcriod oí six monLhs Lo a ycar Lhcy mighL bc ablc Lo
cííccL somc changcs in Lhc way Lhcy inLcracL wiLh Lhcir kids.

WRIGHT
Sounds grcaL! Bcíorc our Limc runs ouL, would you sharc a sLory or Lwo abouL
your rcal liíc coaching and consulLing cxpcricnccs` I know you'vc coachcd
asLronauLs and Supcr Bowl champions as wcll, havcn'L you`

WAITLEY
Wcll, I havc. I'vc bccn lucky Lo work wiLhin Lhc Apollo program in Lhc
simulaLion arca. I íound LhaL simulaLion prcvcnLs íailurc oí Lhc íirsL aLLcmpL. In
oLhcr words, ií you'rc going Lo go Lo Lhc moon and Lhcy'rc going Lo shooL you up a
quarLcr oí a million milcs up and back in a govcrnmcnL vchiclc, you had bcLLcr
havc your rchcarsal down and rcally paL. Thc asLronauLs Lcach you LhaL Lhc drcss
rchcarsal is liíc or dcaLh. Thc Olympians Lcach you LhaL aL Lhc momcnL you go Lo
pcríorm, you nccd Lo clcar your mind so you can rcmcmbcr cvcryLhing you lcarncd
wiLhouL Lrying—you dcvclop musclc mcmory and rcílcx.
TwcnLy-onc ycars ago whcn Mary Iou RcLLon was doing Lhc vaulL, shc nccdcd a
ninc poinL ninc íivc Lo Lic Lhc Romanian íor Lhc gold mcdal in womcn's all around
gymnasLics. I askcd hcr whaL shc was Lhinking abouL whcn shc wcnL Lo vaulL and
shc said, ¨Oh gosh, I gucss whaL cvcryonc Lhinks abouL—spccd, powcr, cxplodc,
cxLcnd, roLaLc, planL your íccL aL Lhc cnd. Whcn Lhc prcssurc is on I gcL bcLLcr jusL likc
drill. 'Comc on, Mary Iou, Lhis is your momcnL in hisLory!'!"
I LhoughL, ¨Wow! ThaL's noL whaL cvcryonc Lhinks. WhaL cvcryonc Lhinks is,
'Thank Cod iL's Friday,' 'Why mc`' 'Don'L work Loo hard,' 'CounLin' down Lo
Friday,' 'Iooking Lo íivc P.M.,' 'Romanians arc bcLLcr Lraincd, probably on sLcroids,'
¨ So I gcL Lhcsc sLorics oí Olympians who havc inLcrnalizcd Lhis wondcríul running
Lhc racc in advancc and simulaLing as wcll.
I guess the one story that I’ll share is about a ten-year-old boy. In about 1980
Lhis boy camc Lo a goal-scLLing scminar. Hc Lold mc LhaL nonc oí Lhc pcoplc who
had paid Lhcir moncy wcrc rcally working on Lhcir goals. Thcy wcrc rcally Lhinking
Dr. Denis Waitley

251

abouL whaL Lhcy wcrc going Lo caL and golí. I gavc him a work book and Lold him to
go back and do whaL Lhcy wcrc supposcd Lo do and wriLc down his abiliLics and
liabiliLics, whaL hc was going Lo do Lhis ycar and ncxL ycar and íivc ycars írom now
and LwcnLy ycars írom now. Hc goL all cxciLcd bccausc hc LhoughL iL was Lhis
wondcríul gamc LhaL you can play callcd, WriLc Lhc FuLurc, or Dcscribc Lhc FuLurc.
So hc ran back and workcd on Lhc projccL and íorLy-íivc minuLcs laLcr hc
asLoundcd Lhc adulLs in Lhc audicncc by saying hc was carning moncy mowing
lawns and shovcling snow so hc could go Lo Hawaii on Lhc íourLccnLh oí 3uly Lo
snorkcl on Lhc big island oí Hawaii's Kona CoasL. Thcn hc said ncxL ycar hc'd bc
clcvcn going inLo Lhc íiíLh gradc and hc was going Lo build modcls oí whaL was
going Lo bc a spacc shuLLlc and hc was going Lo bcgin Lo lcarn morc abouL numbcrs
and maLh. In íivc ycars hc'd bc íiíLccn and as a LcnLh-gradcr. Hc said hc would
sLudy maLh and scicncc bccausc hc wanLcd Lo go Lo Lhc Air Forcc acadcmy—hc was
all cxciLcd abouL LhaL. I askcd him whaL hc was going Lo bc doing in LwcnLy ycars
and hc said hc'd bc an asLronauL dclivcring UPS packagcs in spacc.
I íorgoL all abouL him and LwcnLy ycars laLcr, surc cnough, I saw him on Lhc
Today Show as Lhcy showcd a picLurc oí an asLronauL on a LcLhcr linc pulling Lhc
satellite into the bay oí Lhc spacc shuLLlc. I LhoughL, ¨My gosh! This kid did whaL I
only Lalk abouL in Lhc scminars." Hc was a living, brcaLhing cxamplc oí somconc
who was íocuscd on Lhis. I said Lo my íamily, ¨Iook aL whaL hc did!" And Lhcy said,
¨WhaL havc you been doing íor Lhc lasL LwcnLy ycars`" I said I was a goal Lcndcr.
Thcy Lold mc I should bc a goal achicvcr Loo.

WRIGHT
WhaL a grcaL convcrsaLion. I always cnjoy Lalking wiLh you. IL's noL jusL
upliíLing—I always lcarn a loL whcn I Lalk wiLh you.

WAITLEY
Well, David, I do wiLh you as wcll. You'vc goL a grcaL program and you do a loL
oí good íor pcoplc who rcad and waLch and lisLcn. I Lhink you givc Lhcm insighLs
LhaL oLhcrwisc Lhcy would ncvcr gcL. I'm jusL graLcíul Lo bc onc oí Lhc conLribuLors
and onc oí Lhc mcmbcrs oí your global Lcam.

Stepping Stones to Success

252

WRIGHT
IL has bccn my sinccrc plcasurc Loday Lo visiL wiLh a Lruly grcaL Amcrican, Dr.
Dcnis WaiLlcy.
Dcnis, Lhank you íor Laking so much oí your Limc Lo sharc your insighLs and
inspiraLions íor us hcrc on Stepping Stones to Success.

WAITLEY
Thank you vcry much, David.

253

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
DENIS WAITIFY is onc oí Amcrica's mosL rcspccLcd auLhors, kcynoLc
lccLurcrs and producLiviLy consulLanLs on high pcríormancc human
achicvcmcnL. Hc has inspircd, iníormcd, challcngcd, and cnLcrLaincd audicnccs
íor ovcr LwcnLy-íivc ycars írom Lhc board rooms oí mulLi-naLional corporaLions
to Lhc conLrol rooms oí NASA's spacc program and írom Lhc lockcr rooms oí
world-class aLhlcLcs Lo Lhc mccLing rooms oí Lhousands oí convcnLionccrs
LhroughouL Lhc world. Hc was voLcd busincss spcakcr oí Lhc ycar by Lhc Salcs
and MarkcLing FxccuLivcs AssociaLion and by ToasLmasLcrs InLcrnaLional and
inducLcd inLo Lhc InLcrnaLional Spcakcrs Hall oí Famc. WiLh ovcr Lcn million
audio programs sold in íourLccn languagcs, Dcnis WaiLlcy is Lhc mosL lisLcncd-
Lo voicc on pcrsonal and carccr succcss. Hc is Lhc auLhor oí Lwclvc non-íicLion
books, including scvcral inLcrnaLional bcsLscllcrs, Seeds of Greatness, Being the
Best, The Winner’s Edge, The Joy of Working, and Empires of the Mind. His audio
album, ¨Thc Psychology oí Winning," is Lhc all-Limc bcsL-sclling program on
sclí-masLcry.


DR. DENIS WAITLEY
The Waitley Institute
P.O. Box l07
Rancho SanLa Fc, CA 02067
www.dcniswaiLlcy.com
!
Stepping Stones to Success

254


255



C HA P T E R S E V E NT E E N
So you wanL Lo bc a Proícssional Spcakcr,
Now whaL`
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Linda Meeuwenberg
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc'rc Lalking wiLh Iinda Mccuwcnbcrg. Iinda is íoundcr and CFO oí
Proícssional DcvclopmcnL AssociaLion IncorporaLcd. Shc is a mcmbcr oí Lhc
Chambcr oí Commcrcc whcrc shc scrvcd on a small busincss dcvclopmcnL
council and has bccn an acLivc mcmbcr oí Lhc InLcrnaLional RoLary. Shc
volunLccrs wiLh RSVP in Florida and Michigan. Iinda holds Lhc rank oí
Proícssor FmcriLus aL Fcrris SLaLc UnivcrsiLy in Michigan. Shc holds a íirsL-
placc award írom Lhc Amcrican AssociaLion oí DcnLal Schools and was inducLcd
inLo Lhc DcnLal Hygicnc Honor SocicLy, Sigma Phi Alpha, íor hcr ouLsLanding
conLribuLion Lo dcnLal hygicnc cducaLion. Shc serves on the CrcsL/Oral B gucsL
lccLurc board. Shc is a ícllow wiLh Lhc AssociaLion oí DcnLal ImplanL Auxiliarics,
scrving as a conLribuLing auLhor, advisory board mcmbcr, and írcqucnL
lccLurcr. Iinda scrvcd as a consulLanL Lo Lhc WcsL Michigan MigranL HcalLh
Stepping Stones to Success

256

Scrviccs whcrc shc has dclivcrcd oral carc íor ovcr LwcnLy-íivc ycars Lo migranL
íamilics.
Shc has publishcd scvcral proícssional arLiclcs, a shorL sLory, and is
currcnLly auLhoring a childrcn's book. Shc is an inLcrnaLionally rccognizcd
spcakcr, auLhor, and cducaLor wiLh ovcr íour dccadcs oí proícssional
cxpcricncc. Iinda's cxpcrLisc, combincd wiLh hcr cnLhusiasm, cnsurcs LhaL shc
dclivcrs a powcríul prcscnLaLion LhaL moLivaLcs parLicipanLs Lo acLion.
Iinda, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

LINDA MEEUWENBERG (MEEUWENBERG)
Thank you, David.

WRIGHT
So whaL is your grcaLcsL accomplishmcnL`

MEEUWENBERG
I'm oíLcn askcd Lhis and I conLinuc Lo answcr, my cducaLion. I camc írom a
íamily whcrc no onc had bccn Lo collcgc. In íacL, my moLhcr and íaLhcr had noL
graduaLcd írom high school. IaLcr in liíc Lhcy boLh wcnL back Lo school and
rcccivcd Lhcir diplomas. I wcnL on Lo collcgc and complcLcd íour dcgrccs. I lovc
lcarning!

WRIGHT
Many parLicipanLs ask you qucsLions íollowing your prcscnLaLion indicaLing
LhaL Lhcy would likc Lo pursuc spcaking. WhaL advicc do you givc Lhcm`

MEEUWENBERG
Wcll, David, gcLLing inLo spcaking was a naLural movcmcnL íor mc. I had a
Lcrriblc ícar oí spcaking coming ouL oí high school/collcgc. AíLcr working as a
rcgisLcrcd dcnLal hygicnisL, I bcgan adjuncL Lcaching aL my alma maLcr—Ferris
SLaLc UnivcrsiLy in Michigan. I supcrviscd sLudcnLs whilc Lhcy wcrc LrcaLing
paLicnLs. This was a vcry comíorLablc onc-on-onc cncounLcr.
I was oíícrcd a íull-Limc íaculLy posiLion and I almosL Lurncd iL down
bccausc oí my ícar oí sLanding up and lccLuring in íronL oí sLudcnLs. The
Linda Meeuwenberg
!
257

Program DirccLor cncouragcd mc Lo apply and said shc would mcnLor mc. I
acccpLcd LhaL posiLion and workcd on my anxicLy by bccoming an cxpcrL on my
Lopics.
As a ncw proícssor, I was rcquircd Lo bc involvcd in proícssional
dcvclopmcnL acLiviLics. IL was a naLural lcap inLo proícssional spcaking. I bcgan
by giving prcscnLaLions aL my proícssional organizaLion mccLings.
I also was cngagcd wiLh volunLccr work. Thcrc is so much nccd íor oral
hcalLh cducaLion. I íound placcs wiLhin my communiLy LhaL could usc my
spcaking skills and my oral hcalLh cducaLion background.
I would advisc pcoplc LhaL ií Lhcy wanL Lo spcak, Lo look aL volunLccring as a
way oí Lraining and prcpping yoursclí. Rccord yoursclí and ask íor íccdback. I
always givc my own pcrsonal spcakcr cvaluaLion íorms Lo my audicnccs. I
rcvicw Lhcsc íorms Lo improvc my skills.
I also cnlisLcd Lhc hclp oí a íormcr sLudcnL as my assisLanL aL my cvcnLs. Shc
Lcndcd Lo all Lhc annoying liLLlc Lhings LhaL can disLracL a ncw spcakcr. This
should be a person you rcally LrusL and onc who can bc sclí-dirccLcd or work
wiLh vcry liLLlc dirccLion. This pcrson Lakcs carc oí dcLails such as adjusLing
lighLing, gcLLing waLcr íor Lhc spcakcr, cLc. ThaL way I am írcc Lo inLcracL wiLh
my audicncc prior Lo spcaking, which hclps build rapporL wiLh Lhcm.
Thc oLhcr Lhing LhaL hclpcd mc was Lhc NaLional Spcakcrs AssociaLion. I
was a mcmbcr íor scvcral ycars and Lhcy rcally hclpcd mc jumpsLarL my
spcaking carccr wiLh Lhcir conícrcnccs, monLhly publicaLions, and Lapcs.
The bottom linc is—volunLccr, scck inpuL, and gcL involvcd wiLh oLhcr
spcakcrs. I know pcoplc who havc had a loL oí succcss working wiLh
ToasLmasLcrs. You arc wiLh your local communiLy wiLh íricndly íaccs giving you
íccdback. IL's a vcry saíc cnvironmcnL Lo pracLicc.
I'm currcnLly a mcmbcr oí Lhc InLcrnaLional Spcakcrs NcLwork. BoLh Lhc
NaLional Spcakcrs and InLcrnaLional Spcakcrs NcLwork oíícr crcdcnLialing LhaL
can add crcdibiliLy whcn sccking spcaking cngagcmcnLs.

WRIGHT
How did you gcL sLarLcd in public spcaking`

Stepping Stones to Success

258

MEEUWENBERG
As mcnLioncd, I was alrcady Lcaching so iL was a naLural íor mc Lo go on Lo
do morc spcaking. I'vc bccn a ¨Lalkcr" my wholc liíc. I íigurcd LhaL ií you can gcL
paid íor doing iL and havc Lhc opporLuniLy Lo Lravcl Lo somc wondcríul placcs,
why noL`
AnoLhcr impcLus was whcn my marriagc cndcd making mc a singlc parcnL. I
nccdcd a way Lo supplcmcnL my incomc and Lhc opporLuniLy Lo Lakc my child
placcs LhaL I could noL aííord on my Lcachcr's salary. (Howcvcr, I'm noL
advocaLing divorcc as a mcans Lo dcvclop your spcaking busincss!)
I invcsLcd $l00 in busincss cards, sLaLioncry, and scnL ouL somc noLiccs LhaL
I was availablc Lo spcak on Lopics Lo Lhc local dcnLal organizaLions wiLhin my
sLaLc. I wcnL írom Lcaching Lo volunLccring, Lo purchasing busincss cards, and
íinally soliciLing cngagcmcnLs. Amazingly, pcoplc rcspondcd and I was on my
way Lo building my spcaking busincss.

WRIGHT
Your cnLhusiasm is conLagious, I rcmcmbcr hcaring you quiLc somc Limc
ago. How do you mainLain such a zcsL íor your Lopics`

MEEUWENBERG
Ií you'rc cxciLcd abouL whaL you'rc Lalking abouL, iL jusL comcs Lhrough—
you can'L hidc iL. I also havc a highly cxprcssivc pcrsonaliLy sLylc. I cnjoy liíc
and íind iL íascinaLing. I only spcak on Lopics LhaL I'm vcry passionaLc abouL.
IL's LhaL passion LhaL comcs Lhrough Lo my audicnccs as cnLhusiasm. On my
spcakcr cvaluaLion íorm, my highcsL marks arc usually íor my cnLhusiasm
Loward Lhc Lopic.

WRIGHT
You'vc íaccd challcngcs and advcrsiLy in your liíc, would you dcscribc Lhosc
challcngcs íor our rcadcrs and how you managcd Lhcm`

Linda Meeuwenberg
!
259

MEEUWENBERG
Surc, Lhcrc arc a ícw Lhings. Fvcrybody has or has had somc advcrsiLy in his
or hcr liíc. You can choosc Lo lcL iL dcsLroy you or lcL iL bc a powcr Lo movc you
inLo diíícrcnL arcnas.
An issuc LhaL I'vc bccn sLruggling wiLh Lhc lasL scvcral ycars is dcgcncraLivc
disk discasc oí my spinc. I had Lo Lakc an carly rcLircmcnL írom univcrsiLy
Lcaching. ThaL was scary. ForLunaLcly, I had a Iong Tcrm DisabiliLy policy
Lhrough Lhc univcrsiLy. Dcaling wiLh chronic pain and limiLaLion has bccn
cxLrcmcly challcnging. On Lhc oLhcr hand, iL has LaughL mc so much abouL
crcaLing balancc in my liíc. Bcing a Typc A pcrsonaliLy is a hugc challcngc. On
days LhaL I am íccling good, I havc a Lcndcncy Lo ovcrdo iL, puLLing mc back
inLo pain and íaLiguc.
Iikc many pcoplc in Lhis counLry, I had a brokcn marriagc lcading Lo singlc
parcnLing. I had a child wiLh spccial nccds who was ill much oí Lhc Limc. I was
building my carccr as an aspiring proícssor whilc managing Lhc challcngcs oí
singlc parcnLing. ThaL LaughL mc a loL oí Lhings abouL liíc and how Lo bc
succcssíul. I had Lo bc vcry organizcd.
Bcing Lhc providcr and having a dcpcndcnL child propcllcd mc Lo go back Lo
school. I wcnL back Lo collcgc aL íorLy wiLh a íivc-ycar old in Low Lo gcL a sccond
masLcr's dcgrcc in CommunicaLion. Thc cducaLion has hclpcd my spcaking
carccr in many ways. UndcrsLanding communicaLion scicncc and iLs many
applicaLions has ccrLainly addcd morc programs Lo my rcpcrLoirc and hclpcd in
Lhc dclivcry oí Lhc courscs I alrcady prcscnLcd.

WRIGHT
So whaL was Lhc sLraw LhaL brokc Lhc camcl's back—whaL madc you dccidc
Lo bccomc a spcakcr`

MEEUWENBERG
IL was noLhing I planncd. I had a Lrcmcndous anxicLy abouL public spcaking.
I know you'vc probably hcard Lhcrc is no grcaLcr ícar Lhan public spcaking.
Fvcn ícar oí burning alivc isn'L ícarcd as much as sLanding up in íronL oí an
audicncc and spcaking. For mc iL was Lhc samc. Oncc I íaccd LhaL ícar and was
ablc Lo gcL up in íronL oí sixLy sLudcnLs, Lhc hurdlc was managcablc. I aLLcndcd
Stepping Stones to Success

260

lccLurcs in conLinuing cducaLion courscs and imagincd how I could bc up Lhcrc
doing Lhc samc Lhing. I challcngcd mysclí, ¨Ií you know morc Lhan Lhcy do
abouL Lhis Lopic, Lhcn iL's Limc Lo gcL up and do iL."
I sLarLcd prcscnLing scicnLiíic papcrs aL my proícssional associaLion
mccLings on cducaLional Lcchniqucs and Lhcorics. I would waiL íor somcbody Lo
say, ¨BuL waiL a minuLc, whaL abouL—" and challcngc mc, howcvcr, iL rarcly
happcncd. In íacL, whaL did happcn was LhaL pcoplc mcL wiLh mc aíLcrward.
Thcy wanLcd Lo Lalk morc abouL Lhc Lopic or wanLcd mc Lo comc and sharc my
iníormaLion wiLh Lhcir íaculLy.
I was prcscnLcd wiLh a FirsL Placc award aL Lhc Amcrican AssociaLion oí
DcnLal Schools, in compcLiLion wiLh all Lhc major dcnLal schools in Canada and
Lhc UniLcd SLaLcs. I prcscnLcd my papcr on Lcaching paLicnL-ccnLcrcd
counscling Lcchniqucs. Amazingly, I was Lhc íirsL-placc winncr. I wasn'L cvcn
hoping Lo placc. I was jusL cxciLcd LhaL I was acccpLcd Lo compcLc in a vcry
prcsLigious organizaLion.
Thosc Lhings jusL kcpL propclling mc Lo íind morc spcaking cngagcmcnLs.

WRIGHT
So whaL rolc has ncLworking playcd in building your spcaking busincss`

MEEUWENBERG
NcLworking is hugc, iL is so vcry imporLanL. Whcn I go back Lo Lhc prcvious
qucsLion: whaL advicc do I havc íor pcoplc who would likc Lo go inLo spcaking,
my advicc is ncLwork cvcrywhcrc you can. Bc nicc Lo pcoplc, bc íricndly, cxLcnd
yoursclí. IL's imporLanL Lo collccL as many busincss cards as you can, makc as
many connccLions as you can, and Lo always conLribuLc.
Whcn I'm conLribuLing on a commiLLcc or whcn I'm involvcd wiLh Lhc
Chambcr oí Commcrcc, Lhc InLcrnaLional RoLary, or onc oí my proícssional
associaLions, I'm consLanLly sccking Lo mccL ncw pcoplc. Thcy cnhancc you as a
pcrson and who knows, down Lhc road Lhcy mighL bc ablc Lo puL you in a
posiLion whcrc you can spcak or oíícr somc kind oí scrvicc Lo Lhcir
organizaLion.
Linda Meeuwenberg
!
261

NcLworking is a major íacLor, I could noL havc builL my busincss wiLhouL
ncLworking. I also havc Lo add LhaL ncLworking is noL casy Lo mc—I grcw up a
shy girl in a rural communiLy in Michigan. I was noL vcry ouLgoing, buL LhaL has
all changcd.
Now I can ¨work a crowd" wiLh casc—gcLLing Lo know pcoplc and
cxchanging busincss cards and idcas. Thc kcy Lo bcing a succcssíul spcakcr is Lo
gcL cxposcd Lo as many pcoplc as possiblc in many vcnucs. MosL organizaLions
cmploy spcakcrs. Do noL limiL yoursclí! I spcak on many Lopics oLhcr Lhan
dcnLisLry and now mosL cngagcmcnLs happcn írom rcícrrals or somconc in my
audicncc who inviLcs mc Lo spcak Lo his or hcr group.

WRIGHT
I know LhaL you havc volunLccrcd íor mosL oí your liíc. How did you gcL
started and why do you conLinuc Lo volunLccr`

MEEUWENBERG
I havc Lo conLribuLc Lhis Lo my parcnLs, in parLicular, my moLhcr. I grcw up
as a child in Lhc íiíLics. In LhaL gcncraLion pcoplc hclpcd cach oLhcr. As I
mcnLioncd prcviously, I grcw up in a rural communiLy in Michigan. I can
rcmcmbcr my moLhcr Laking my broLhcr and mc Lo oldcr (widowcd) ladics in
Lhc ncighborhood who had íarms. Wc would go in and clcan Lhcir housc or hclp
Lhcm pick and snap Lhcir bcans. My moLhcr would do somc clcaning or do Lhcir
dishcs. ThaL's how volunLccring sLarLcd íor mc. Wc wcrc also vcry acLivc in our
church communiLy. My parcnLs wcrc Lhc youLh dirccLors. Wc did many
volunLccr acLiviLics in Lhc communiLy. So iL was a way oí liíc íor mc írom Lhc
Limc I was a child. VolunLccring cnablcs you Lo givc so much back. How can you
noL wanL Lo givc back whcn wc havc bccn givcn so many giíLs`

WRIGHT
You oíLcn spcak abouL wcllncss and crcaLing balancc. Would you Lcll our
rcadcrs abouL your inLcrcsL in wcllncss and how crcaLing balancc has bccomc a
corncrsLonc oí your liícsLylc`

Stepping Stones to Success

262

MEEUWENBERG
I hinLcd abouL Lhis carlicr in your qucsLion. As a young woman aL scvcnLccn
going away Lo collcgc and bccoming a rcgisLcrcd dcnLal hygicnisL sLarLcd Lhc
journcy. Oral hcalLh was Lhc impcLus Lo bcgin my journcy inLo wcllncss.
Now wc havc so much scicncc abouL how oral hcalLh is connccLcd Lo Lhc
cnLirc body. Wc'vc always known Lhis in dcnLisLry, howcvcr iL's jusL bccn
rcccnLly LhaL Lhc mcdical communiLy and Lhc scicnLiíic communiLy is rclaLing
oral condiLions Lo diabcLcs, hcarL discasc, low birLh wcighL babics, kidncy
íailurc, lung iníccLions, and on and on. So oral hcalLh bcgan my journcy inLo
wcllncss My Sunday school Lcachings had a signiíicanL inílucncc on mc as
wcll—¨your body is Lhc Lcmplc oí Lhc Holy ChosL which is in you, which ye
havc oí Cod" (l CorinLhians 6:l0).
Morc rcccnLly, dcaling wiLh chronic pain and having a Lypc A compcLiLivc
pcrsonaliLy, I nccdcd Lo lcarn how Lo crcaLc lcisurc in my liíc. I had Lo lcarn Lo
balancc acLiviLy wiLh lcisurc. Bcing a singlc parcnL wiLh an ill child íorccd mc Lo
crcaLc balancc Lo mainLain my own hcalLh. I was in Lhc hospiLal oíLcn long
hours and had Lo lcarn how Lo íind Limc Lo Lakc carc oí mc in ordcr íor my
hcalLh Lo bc good cnough íor mc Lo hclp my daughLcr. This has bccn criLical in
my rccovcry. Whcn I'm bcginning Lo íccl a liLLlc biL oí íaLiguc and musclc
spasms sLarL, I nccd Lo sLop righL Lhcn, LhaL's my signal—iL's my body saying
I'm ouL oí balancc, iL's Limc Lo rcsL—and I nccdcd Lo lcarn Lo lcL LhaL bc okay. I
now Lakc írcqucnL naps wiLhouL guilL.

WRIGHT
You havc mcnLorcd hundrcds oí sLudcnLs and parLicipanLs írom your
scminars, somc sLudcnLs havc rcícrrcd Lo you as Lhcir Lcachcr íor liíc. Tcll us
abouL Lhc rolc oí mcnLoring and hclping oLhcrs bccomc succcssíul.

MEEUWENBERG
I havc Lo laugh abouL Lhis onc. I havc a vcry dcar íricnd who graduaLcd in
Lhc class oí l0S5. Shc livcs in Colorado and has hcr own dcnLal hygicnc
pracLicc. Wc wcrc jusL LogcLhcr rcccnLly wiLh anoLhcr onc oí hcr classmaLcs as
wcll. Thcy chimcd in abouL how Lhcy call mc Lhcir Lcachcr íor liíc.
Linda Meeuwenberg
!
263

As a Lcachcr you havc such a powcríul aííccL on your sLudcnLs, ncgaLivc or
posiLivc. IL's acLually somcwhaL scary Lo know you can havc Lhc kind oí
inílucncc LhaL lasLs a liícLimc.
I mcnLioncd carlicr abouL ncLworking and Lhc idca oí jusL bcing nicc to
pcoplc, bcing caring, compassionaLc, and showing cmpaLhy. I rcally pracLiccd
LhaL in my Lcaching. I hcld sLudcnLs accounLablc Lo a vcry high sLandard, buL I
was also vcry compassionaLc wiLh Lhcm and conLinually coaching Lhcm. I íound
iL Lo bc much morc powcríul Lhan bcing criLical. I havc conLinucd Lo do Lhis
insidc Lhc classroom as wcll as ouLsidc Lhc classroom.
A numbcr oí womcn I havc workcd wiLh havc said, ¨Cosh, how do you do
whaL you do` I would likc Lo bc a spcakcr Loo" or ¨I would likc Lo go inLo
Lcaching." I jusL conLinuc Lo mcnLor Lhcsc ¨sLudcnLs" who havc bccn in my
classroom as wcll as parLicipanLs who arc in my scminars.
I may havc somcbody in my scminar who is dcaling wiLh a chronic hcalLh
condiLion and can no longcr pracLicc dcnLal hygicnc. ThaL happcns vcry oíLcn
in our proícssion. Wc havc back problcms, shouldcr problcms, carpal Lunncl,
cLc. AnyLhing I can do Lo hclp guidc Lhcm Lo anoLhcr avcnuc Lo display Lhcir
skills and carn a living is whaL I'm all abouL. I didn'L gcL whcrc I am in Lhis
liícLimc wiLhouL hclp írom oLhcr pcoplc and I wanL Lo rcLurn LhaL hclp Lcníold
whcncvcr I can. I havc assisLcd a numbcr oí womcn in owning Lhcir own
busincsscs or LransiLioning írom a posiLion in clinical dcnLal hygicnc Lo anoLhcr
arcna.

WRIGHT
Your succcss is inLacL I'm surc. So whaL's ncxL íor Iinda Mccuwcnbcrg—
whaL's in Lhc íuLurc`

MEEUWENBERG
Oh, David, Lhcrc is so much liíc Lo livc ycL. I rcachcd my sixLicLh birLhday in
Novcmbcr and I said, ¨How did I gcL Lo bc sixLy ycars old` I'm a scnior ciLizcn!"
Thcrc is so much lcíL íor mc Lo cxpcricncc and do. I'm vcry inLcrcsLcd in going
back Lo school again. I would lovc Lo complcLc my sLudics in Lhc arca oí holisLic
hcalLh. I plan Lo conLinuc wriLing, spcaking, and volunLccring. Thc RcLircd
Scnior and VolunLccr Program (RSVP), has givcn mc so many opporLuniLics.
Stepping Stones to Success

264

Thcy kccp opcning morc doors íor mc. I wanL Lo kccp going and cnjoying liíc
cvcry day LhaL is givcn Lo mc. I wanL Lo bc morc involvcd in inLcrnaLional
causcs and will bc Lravcling Lo SouLh Aírica as an ambassador wiLh Lhc Pcoplc
Lo Pcoplc program in OcLobcr 2000.

WRIGHT
Wcll, whaL a plcasurc Lalking Lo you again. I rcally apprcciaLc Lhc Limc you'vc
spcnL wiLh mc Loday Lo answcr all Lhcsc qucsLions. You arc, oí coursc, noL only
cnLhusiasLic buL inspiring as wcll. I know LhaL our rcadcrs arc going Lo gcL a loL
ouL oí Lhis chapLcr in our book.

MEEUWENBERG
Thank you so much, David, íor your kind words, I apprcciaLc LhaL.

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh Iinda Mccuwcnbcrg. Iinda is a spcakcr,
Lraincr, consulLanL, and CFO oí Proícssional DcvclopmcnL AssociaLion
IncorporaLcd. WiLh ovcr íour dccadcs oí proícssional cxpcricncc, combincd
wiLh hcr cnLhusiasm, Iinda dclivcrs powcríul prcscnLaLions LhaL moLivaLc hcr
parLicipanLs Lo acLion.
Iinda, Lhank you so much íor bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to
Success.

MEEUWENBERG
My plcasurc, David.
265

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
LINDA MEEUWENBERG is íoundcr and CFO oí Proícssional DcvclopmcnL
AssociaLion IncorporaLcd. Shc is a mcmbcr oí Lhc Chambcr oí Commcrcc whcrc
shc scrvcd on a small busincss dcvclopmcnL council and has bccn an acLivc
mcmbcr oí Lhc InLcrnaLional RoLary. Shc volunLccrs wiLh RSVP in Florida and
Michigan. Iinda holds Lhc rank oí Proícssor FmcriLus aL Fcrris SLaLc UnivcrsiLy
in Michigan. Shc holds a íirsL-placc award írom Lhc Amcrican AssociaLion oí
DcnLal Schools and was inducLcd inLo Lhc DcnLal Hygicnc Honor SocicLy, Sigma
Phi Alpha, íor hcr ouLsLanding conLribuLion Lo dcnLal hygicnc cducaLion. Shc
scrvcs on Lhc ProcLor and Camblc Oral B gucsL lccLurc board. Shc is a ícllow
wiLh Lhc AssociaLion oí DcnLal ImplanL Auxiliarics, scrving as a conLribuLing
auLhor, advisory board mcmbcr, and írcqucnL lccLurc. Iinda scrvcs as a
consulLanL Lo Lhc WcsL Michigan MigranL HcalLh Scrviccs whcrc shc has
dclivcrcd oral carc íor ovcr LwcnLy-íivc ycars Lo migranL íamilics.
Shc has publishcd scvcral proícssional arLiclcs, a shorL sLory, and is
currcnLly auLhoring a childrcn's book. Shc is an inLcrnaLionally rccognizcd
spcakcr, auLhor, and cducaLor wiLh ovcr íour dccadcs oí proícssional
cxpcricncc. Iinda's cxpcrLisc, combincd wiLh hcr cnLhusiasm, cnsurcs LhaL shc
dclivcrs a powcríul prcscnLaLion LhaL moLivaLcs parLicipanLs Lo acLion.

LINDA MEEUWENBERG
6l0 Drivcr Avc.
WinLcr Park, FI 327S0
(23l) 50S.l740 (ccll)
(23l) 072.44S0 (voicc mail)
lindaølindapda.com
www.lindapda.com




Stepping Stones to Success

266


267



C HA P T E R E I G HT E E N
Thc ArL oí MasLcry:
Inspiring Fxccllcncc in Work and Iiíc
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Nancy Noonan
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc arc íorLunaLc Lo havc succcssíul spcakcr, auLhor, and human
poLcnLial cxpcrL, Nancy Noonan, as a conLribuLing auLhor Lo Stepping Stones to
Success. Nancy is bascd ouL oí Iouisvillc, Colorado, and Lravcls Lhc counLry
spcaking abouL The Art of Mastery Lo busincsscs and organizaLions. Shc is
passionate abouL hclping Lhcm rcigniLc Lhcir pcoplc and movc Lhcir
organizaLions írom Mediocrity to Mastery, improving moralc, producLiviLy,
leadership, and boLLom-linc rcsulLs. Nancy Lruly bclicvcs Lhis: ¨In Loday's world,
mcdiocriLy can'L bc aííordcd. Ncw and bcLLcr ways oí opcraLing arc mandaLory.
Fxccllcncc—in boLh our pcrsonal and work livcs—is a rcquircmcnL." Nancy's
audicnccs consisLcnLly say shc and hcr programs arc dcíiniLcly ¨ouL oí Lhc
ordinary" and a rcírcshing blcnd oí bcing ¨iníormaLivc and inspiraLional, as
wcll as cnLcrLaining!" Shc aLLribuLcs Lhc ¨cnLcrLaining" piccc Lo hcr Irish
Stepping Stones to Success

268

hcriLagc oí sLoryLcllcrs and humorisLs, as wcll as hcr own cxpcricncc in improv.
Nancy's auLhorship includcs Lhc inLcrnaLionally publishcd collcgc LcxLbook, The
Art of Writing about Art, and How to Be a Super Achiever: 12 Strategies for
Unleashing your Success. Shc is also a conLribuLing auLhor Lo Lhc Chicken Soup for
the Soul book scrics. Cuidcd by Mastery in hcr own liíc, Nancy carncd Lhc Master
Teacher Award, known as Lhc ¨Oscar" oí acadcmia, as wcll as Lhc Excellence
Award írom Lhc NaLional InsLiLuLc íor SLaíí and OrganizaLional DcvclopmcnL.
Shc is a mcmbcr oí Lhc InLcrnaLional FcdcraLion oí Proícssional Spcakcrs and
Lhc NaLional Spcakcrs AssociaLion wiLh Lwo Lcrms on Lhc NSA/CO cxccuLivc
board. To bring spark and mastery inLo hcr own liíc, Nancy cnjoys hiking,
gourmcL cooking, LcnL camping, íly íishing, rcading, arL muscums, travel, and
occasional Lap dancing.
Nancy, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

NANCY NOONAN (NOONAN)
Thank you, David. I'm dclighLcd Lo bc Lalking wiLh you.

WRIGHT
IcL's bcgin our discussion by my saying I'm inLrigucd by Lhc LiLlc oí your
business, The Art of Mastery. I'd íirsL likc Lo know whaL is mastery and then how
does masLcry rclaLc Lo succcss—or does it?

NOONAN
David, I’ll be glad Lo Lalk abouL masLcry íirsL and Lhcn wc'll scc how masLcry
docs rclaLc Lo succcss.
MasLcry has a numbcr oí componcnLs Lo iL, buL iLs own steppingstones can bc
undcrsLood Lhrough a basic íormula:

Mastery = Skills + Knowledge + Excellence

PuL simply, masLcry occurs whcn you usc your honed skills and knowlcdgc
Lo conLinually achicvc cxccllcncc in your goals and in your arca oí íocus.
Nancy Noonan
!
269

So Lhc íirsL steppingstone to masLcry is Lo amass a subsLanLial amounL oí
skills and knowlcdgc in your arca oí íocus. CcL Lhc cducaLion, do Lhc rcading,
makc Lhc connccLions, and acquirc Lhc cxpcricnLial basc nccdcd Lo cxccl.
And Lhcn a characLcrisLic oí Lruc masters—Lhosc who achicvc mastery—is
that they never stop adding to their arsenal oí skills and knowlcdgc. Thcy don'L
scc addiLional lcarning and acquiring ncw skills and knowlcdgc as unncccssary
or a burden—quiLc Lhc opposiLc. Thcy havc a rcal passion íor liíclong lcarning
and bccomc cxciLcd abouL iL, Lhcy arc willing Lo acquirc ncw insLrucLion and
vicwpoinLs Lo dccpcn Lhcir own knowlcdgc. In íacL, Lhcy proacLivcly and
conLinually scck ouL Lhcsc lcarning opporLuniLics and arc noL oncs Lo siL back
and rcsL on Lhcir laurcls oncc Lhcy ¨havc arrivcd." They see the value in
conLinuing Lo grow and lcarn.
MasLcrs also oíLcn look Lo lcarn morc outside oí Lhcir own íiclds Lo iníorm
Lhcir own Lhinking and work. PcLcr Paul Rubcns, Lhc Flcmish masLcr arLisL oí
the baroque style in the seventeenth ccnLury, was, in addiLion Lo bcing an
accomplishcd painLcr, a humanisL scholar and a sLrong advocaLc oí liíclong
lcarning. Hc conLinually sLudicd philosophy, rhcLoric, pocLry, and history,
using Lhcm Lo iníorm his myLhologically and hisLorically bascd painLings
LhroughouL his carccr. IL wasn'L cnough íor Rubcns Lo jusL sLudy how to paint,
lcarning Lhc Lcchniqucs and idiosyncrasics oí Lhc oil mcdia in which hc usually
workcd. Hc also sLudicd what hc should painL, dccpcning his subjccL maLLcr and
in Lhc proccss, making his painLings somc oí Lhc mosL inLriguing and dramaLic
works cvcr donc.
Thc 3apancsc incorporaLc Rubcns' approach Lo liíclong lcarning in Lhcir
conccpL oí Kaizen. Kaizcn mcans conLinual improvcmcnL in all aspccLs oí liíc.
MasLcrs inLuiLivcly livc a liíc oí Kaizcn principlcs, conLinuously looking to
improvc all aspccLs oí liíc and rigorously pracLicing Lhc disciplinc ncccssary Lo
do so.
The third steppingstone Lo rcach masLcry is cxccllcncc. Fxccllcncc implics a
supcrlaLivc abiliLy, supcrioriLy in skills, knowlcdgc, and achicvcmcnLs. MasLcrs
are noL saLisíicd Lo jusL acquirc some skills and knowlcdgc. Thcy sLrivc Lo gcL
Lhc bcsL and Lo bc Lhc bcsL. Thcy arc noL saLisíicd wiLh mcdiocriLy—Lhcy go íor
cxccllcncc. I Lalk abouL Lhis in my kcynoLcs and sharc my dccply hcld bclicí LhaL
Stepping Stones to Success

270

wc wcrc noL puL on this EarLh Lo livc mcdiocrc livcs, buL Lo bc cxccllcnL and Lo
livc Lhc mosL cxLraordinary livcs wc can possibly livc.

WRIGHT
So ií wc wanL Lo bc masLcrs in our livcs and work, iL sccms wc musL go íor
cxccllcncc, Loo.

NOONAN
No qucsLion. And iL's parLicularly imporLanL now bccausc in Lhc workplacc
and cconomy Loday, mcdiocriLy can'L bc aííordcd. Ncw and bcLLcr ways oí
opcraLing arc mandaLory. Raising Lhc bar is noL jusL a nicc opLion, buL csscnLial.
Fxccllcncc is a rcquircmcnL. 3im Collins' book, Good to Great, was so wcll
rcccivcd bccausc wc nccd and wanL LhaL sLandard oí cxccllcncc.
MasLcrs insLincLivcly know LhaL Lhcy musL go íor cxccllcncc ií they wanL Lo
succccd—and Lhcy do!

WRIGHT
Ah, so mastery is Licd inLo succcss`

NOONAN
AbsoluLcly. Succcss, in iLs basic dicLionary-sLylc mcaning, has Lo do wiLh
having broughL abouL a íavorablc ouLcomc or achicvcmcnL. Thosc who havc
rcachcd a lcvcl oí mastery have also broughL abouL a íavorablc ouLcomc or
achicvcmcnL and havc, Lhcrcíorc, aLLaincd succcss. For masLcrs, Lhc succcss is
grcaL and dcíiniLc.
The very steppingstones uscd by pcoplc and organizaLions Lo rcach succcss
are also used by masLcrs Lo aLLain Lhcir goals and Lhcir succcss:

l. Dcíinc
2. Focus
3. Takc AcLion

Nancy Noonan
!
271

Thc íirsL sLcp hcrc is a biL morc subjccLivc and has Lo do wiLh asking yoursclí
whaL your own dcíiniLion oí succcss is. Ask whaL is imporLanL Lo you—whaL do
you most valuc`

• Is iL imporLanL Lo you Lo spcnd Limc wiLh your íamily and íricnds`
• To spcnd Limc in naLurc`
• To bc hcalLhy and íiL`
• Is iL imporLanL Lo conLribuLc your Limc and cncrgy Lo hclp oLhcrs`
• How imporLanL is iL Lo crcaLc íinancial rcsourccs`
• Arc Lhcrc Lhings you rcally wanL Lo do—Lravcl, sLudy, acL, bccomc proíicicnL
wiLh Lcchnology, cnjoy your hobbics`
• Is iL imporLanL Lo bccomc a wcll-known cxpcrL in your íicld`
• Or Lo risc in your company or proícssion`
• How abouL giving your company Lhc dcíining cdgc ovcr Lhc compcLiLion`
• Is iL imporLanL Lo havc a million dollars in Lhc bank`
• To raisc childrcn who havc a high dcgrcc oí sclí-esteem, sclí-coníidcncc, and
sclí-moLivaLion`

How you dcíinc whaL you pcrsonally valuc dcLcrmincs how you crcaLc your
vision and your goals, which lcads Lo your succcss. Rcmcmbcr LhaL sincc iL is
pcrsonal and subjccLivc, your own valucs will makc your vision, your goals, and
your succcss look diíícrcnL írom Lhc ncxL pcrson's. And LhaL's a good Lhing.
Your succcss will noL comc abouL by applying a cookic-cuLLcr approach or bcing
a copycaL, buL by bcing crcaLivc and sLaying Lruc Lo who you arc and whaL you
valuc.
I oncc hcard Nido Qucbcin, PrcsidcnL oí High Point University in North
Carolina and Chairman oí Lhc CrcaL HarvcsL Brcad Company, spcak aL a
conícrcncc. In Lhc question-and-answcr sccLion oí Lhc program, hc was askcd
Lo whaL hc aLLribuLcd his succcss. Hc namcd scvcral kcy íacLors and onc oí
Lhcm was LhaL hc rcads cvcry nighL and hc never rcads íicLion. I sLill rcmcmbcr
íccling horriíicd aL Lhc LhoughL. Having bccn an avid lovcr oí íicLion my cnLirc
liíc and bccn in a dynamic íicLion book group íor íourLccn years, I can'L imaginc
Lhc hugc void I would íccl in my liíc ií I didn'L rcad good íicLional liLcraLurc. For
Stepping Stones to Success

272

mc, LhaL would not smack oí a liíc oí succcss. BuL íor Nido iL workcd pcríccLly.
It is an individual proccss.
Oncc you havc dcíincd your values, vision, and goals, Lhc sccond
steppingstone is to focus on LhaL vision and your goals. IL is noL cnough Lo jusL
dcíinc Lhcm. WriLing Lhcm down on a piccc oí papcr and sLuííing iL in a drawcr
mighL hclp you Lidy up Lhc Lop oí your dcsk, buL iL will noL lcad you Lo succcss.
InsLcad, íocus on Lhc mosL imporLanL sLcps you nccd Lo Lakc Lo accomplish Lhc
objccLivcs LhaL camc ouL oí your valucs qucry. Thcn kccp LhaL íocus in Lhc íronL
oí your mind. AuLhor Iouisc Brooks said, ¨Anyonc who has achicvcd cxccllcncc
in any íorm knows LhaL iL comcs as a rcsulL oí ccasclcss conccnLraLion."
Ccasclcss conccnLraLion or íocus. So, lcL ccasclcss conccnLraLion and íocus bc
the engine that leads you to the third steppingstone.
The third steppingstone to success is to take action. Usc your íocus and Lakc
acLion Lo bring your vision and goals ouL inLo Lhc world. Usc Lhc samc acLion
steps that the masLcrs usc Lo achicvc Lhcir masLcry, Lhcir succcss. Achicving
succcss and masLcry arc noL rcscrvcd jusL íor innaLc gcniuscs. Thcy are
availablc Lo anyonc as long as you apply consisLcnL pcrsisLcncc. ConLinuing
Loward your goals in spiLc oí challcngcs, obsLaclcs, and disLracLions will allow
you Lo unlcash your íullcsL poLcnLial and usc your grcaLcsL giíLs Lo bc your mosL
cxccllcnL sclí.

WRIGHT
IL sounds as ií mastery and succcss arc vcry closcly linkcd. Is LhaL corrccL`

NOONAN
Ycs, Lhcy arc. Thcy arc so closcly inLcrLwincd LhaL íor our purposcs Loday,
whcn wc Lalk abouL mastery, wc arc also Lalking abouL success.

WRIGHT
Nancy, whcrc did your own inLcrcsL in mastery comc írom?

NOONAN
I íirsL havc Lo givc my moLhcr crcdiL íor insLilling in mc LhaL all-imporLanL
componcnL oí masLcry and succcss LhaL wc jusL Lalkcd abouL—cxccllcncc. Onc
Nancy Noonan
!
273

oí my íamily jobs as a kid in Rockvillc, Maryland, was LhaL cvcry SaLurday I had
Lo clcan Lhc baLhroom. Now Lhis was noL jusL a baLhroom, buL the baLhroom
LhaL was uscd by all oí us—my parcnLs, my Lwo youngcr, sLinky broLhcrs, and
mc—cvcry singlc day. Yuck! And you can bcL LhaL cvcry SaLurday, abouL Lcn
minuLcs inLo Lhis drcadcd job, I sLarLcd my usual whining Lo my moLhcr.
¨This is disgusLing! IL's noL íair. I'm noL Lhc only onc who uscs Lhis
baLhroom! Why do I always havc Lo bc Lhc onc Lo clcan iL`" Yada, yada, yada.
My moLhcr usually ignorcd my clcaning-the-baLhroom whining, buL onc
SaLurday shc had had cnough. Shc saL mc down and said, ¨Iook. This mighL noL
bc Lhc mosL glamorous job in Lhc world ['no kidding,’ I was Lhinking], but it is
an imporLanL onc. And no maLLcr whaL job you'rc doing, whaL's imporLanL is
LhaL you do iL Lo Lhc bcsL oí your abiliLy. In Lhis baLhroom, makc Lhcsc spigoLs
shinc morc brighLly Lhan anyonc's cvcr madc Lhcm shinc. Do iL so wcll, so
cxccllcnLly, that you would íccl proud Lo sign your namc Lo Lhc spigoLs, saying,
'Nancy Noonan clcancd Lhcsc.'!’’
You can bcL LhaL I sLill wasn'L Lhrillcd Lo bc clcaning Lhc baLhroom, buL whaL
my moLhcr said did hclp mc shiíL my aLLiLudc and íccl somc pcrsonal
saLisíacLion íor doing my bcsL. ThaL idca sLuck LhaL day and cndcd up carrying
LhroughouL my wholc liíc. To Lhis day, whcn I'm dclivcring a spccch, íaciliLaLing
a program, or wriLing an arLiclc, I sLill íccl guidcd by my moLhcr's cxhorLaLion
Lo ¨makc iL cxccllcnL so LhaL I'm proud Lo sign my namc Lo iL!"

WRIGHT
Is LhaL whcn Lhc conccpL oí ¨masLcry" íirsL camc Lo you`

NOONAN
Probably, alLhough aL LhaL agc, I don'L Lhink I acLually LhoughL oí iL in Lhc
Lcrm oí ¨masLcry." I Lhink iL was rcally ccmcnLcd, howcvcr, in l064 whcn my
íamily wcnL Lo Ncw York CiLy Lo Lhc World's Fair.
As Lrcmcndously cxciLing as iL all was, Lhcrc was onc cxpcricncc LhaL sLands
ouL abovc all Lhc oLhcrs. For Lhc íirsL Limc cvcr, Lhc VaLican had shippcd
Michclangclo's marblc sLaLuc oí Lhc PicLà írom iLs homc in SainL PcLcr's Basilica
in Romc Lo bc on display. AmidsL all oí Lhc noisc and hubbub oí Ncw York and
Lhc Fair, whcn onc cnLcrcd Lhc pavilion LhaL houscd Lhc PicLà, Lhcrc was
Stepping Stones to Success

274

complcLc and uLLcr silcncc. A palpablc íccling oí awc scLLlcd ovcr Lhc visitors as
wc glidcd pasL iL on a moving walkway. Cool bluc and whiLc lighL surroundcd
Mary as shc hcld Lhc dcccascd 3csus in hcr lap. As a girl, I rcmcmbcr gasping aL
Lhc magniíiccncc, Lhc bcauLy, Lhc masLcry oí Lhc sLaLuc. I had ncvcr bcíorc paid
much aLLcnLion Lo arL, buL on LhaL day I was irrcLricvably alLcrcd by whaL a Lruc
masLcr could do and Lhc eííccL iL could havc on mc and on my liíc. I cxpcricnccd
Lhc Lruc powcr oí masLcry íirsLhand.
Sincc LhaL íirsL cxposurc Lo Michclangclo and his brcaLhLaking masLcrpiccc,
I have studied mastery and the masters—the masLcr arLisLs in parLicular—íor
over LwcnLy-íivc ycars. I LaughL collcgc arL hisLory íor many ycars and was
honorcd whcn my moLhcr's advicc Lo ¨go íor cxccllcncc" culminaLcd in my
rccciving Lhc highly rcspccLcd ¨MasLcr Tcachcr" award.
Along Lhc way, I also had cxpcricncc in Lhc busincss world in corporaLc
dcvclopmcnL, salcs and markcLing, and busincss owncrship. Now I combinc
Lhosc cxpcricnccs and knowlcdgc in my busincss, The Art of Mastery. I Lcach
pcoplc and organizaLions how Lo unlcash Lhcir own íull poLcnLial and
cxpcricncc succcss in Lhcir livcs and work by using Lhc samc sLraLcgics oí
mastery that enable the masLcr arLisLs Lo sLarL wiLh a blank canvas and go on Lo
crcaLc a masLcrpiccc.
AíLcr all, wiLh cach oí us, cvcry day, cvcry projccL, cvcry challcngc sLarLs as a
blank canvas. Thc qucsLion íor us is ¨WhaL will wc do wiLh iL` Will wc lcavc iL
blank` Will wc jusL daub a ícw primary colors on iL, ií you will, and play iL saíc`
Or will wc do whaL iL Lakcs Lo makc a masLcrpiccc oí iL`" Thcsc arc qucsLions wc
ask oí oursclvcs and the choiccs wc makc cvcry singlc day, whcLhcr wc
consciously rcalizc iL or noL.

WRIGHT
So whaL you'rc saying is LhaL Lhcrc is a connccLion bcLwccn whaL Lhc master
arLisLs do Lo crcaLc Lhcir masLcrpicccs, Lhcir succcss, and whaL Lhc rcsL oí us do
Lo crcaLc ours`

Nancy Noonan
!
275

NOONAN
A dcíiniLc connccLion. Now, David, whcn you scc a work oí mastery—a
masLcrpiccc—whcrc do you scc iL`

WRIGHT
Usually in a muscum or a gallcry or somc kind oí cxhibiLion.

NOONAN
FxacLly. Wc scc Lhc work whcn iL is alrcady finished, a íaiL accompli. WhaL wc
don’t see is the canvas as Lhc masLcr arLisL saw iL aL Lhc bcginning—blank—
maybc cvcn cxcruciaLingly blank. Wc don'L see Lhc proccss LhaL Lhc master
arLisL wcnL Lhrough Lo Lakc LhaL blank canvas and Lurn iL inLo a brcaLhLaking
masLcrpiccc, buL wc do know, wiLhouL a doubL, LhaL a proccss was uscd.
Whcn I was Lcaching arL hisLory, I LaughL abouL noL only Lhc cnd rcsulLs—
the masLcrpicccs—but also abouL Lhc arLisLs as pcoplc. Through my own sLudy,
I íound I was oíLcn ablc Lo somcwhaL gcL insidc oí Lhc arLisLs' hcads Lo
undcrsLand somc oí whaL Lhcy wcnL Lhrough—somc oí Lhcir proccss. I sharcd
wiLh my sLudcnLs how many master artists did not have instant íamc and
succcss—Lhcy had Lo work íor iL. Thcy wcrc noL aíraid oí ¨clbow grcasc" and
hard work. Michclangclo said, ¨Ií pcoplc only kncw how hard I work Lo gain my
masLcry!" IL wasn'L all íun and gamcs. BuL iL was all worLh iL. Thcy had sLick-to-
itiveness, buL Lhcy oíLcn had Lrials and LribulaLions along Lhc paLh.
Wcll, as I was Lclling my classcs abouL Lhcsc Lrials and LribulaLions, I rcalizcd
I was lcarning a loL oí sLraLcgics and sLcps LhaL I could Lakc Lo improvc my own
liíc and work. Thc Lcachcr bccamc Lhc sLudcnL! Thc masters used strategies and
principlcs LhaL applicd Lo mc and my own liíc and work and Lhcy also apply Lo
cvcry pcrson and organizaLion inLcrcsLcd in cxccllcncc and succcss. Thcsc
succcss sLraLcgics and principlcs arc univcrsal.

WRIGHT
So, Nancy, whaL arc somc oí Lhc masLcr arLisLs' sLraLcgics and principlcs—
steppingstones—that would bc parLicularly hclpíul Lo our rcadcrs in bringing
abouL Lhcir own success`

Stepping Stones to Success

276

NOONAN
Wcll, Lhc íirsL Lhing is rcally Lhc íoundaLion íor cvcryLhing clsc and LhaL is Lo
listen to the muse. You know Lhc conccpL oí Lhc muse—the guiding spirit that
is LhoughL Lo inspirc pocLs, musicians, wriLcrs, and visual arLisLs` A muse is the
sourcc oí gcnius or inspiraLion. Onc Lhing Lhc master artists do better than
mosL oí us is Lo rcally listen to their musc. Thcy quicL Lhcmsclvcs down cnough
so that the musc can acLually comc Lhrough. Now Lhis is a rcal challcngc íor us
in Lhis day and agc bccausc wc livc in a virLual raL racc, wouldn'L you agrcc`

WRIGHT
You bcL.

NOONAN
Our livcs arc íasL-paccd and noisy and wiLh ccll phoncs, Faccbook, TwiLLcr,
and Lhc likc, wc'rc connccLcd in rcal Limc Lo somconc or somcLhing almosL
consLanLly. Now, don'L gcL mc wrong, somc connccLing is íinc. IL's Lhc dcgrcc Lo
which wc sLay connccLcd LhaL is gcLLing in Lhc way oí our musc's coming
Lhrough. You'vc hcard Lhc saying, ¨I can'L cvcn hcar mysclí Lhink." Wcll, iL's
never been truer Lhan now.
So ií wc wanL Lo gcL ncw and bcLLcr idcas and ways oí bcing and opcraLing,
wc'd bcLLcr clcar Lhc runway íor Lhcm Lo comc in. Wc should consciously do
Lhings Lo rclax and quicL oursclvcs down.
I rcad oncc abouL a corporaLc cxccuLivc who said hc goL his bcsL and mosL
írcqucnL idcas whilc hc was Laking a swim, which hc did daily oncc hc goL homc
írom work. CcL away írom Lhc rouLinc, calm yoursclí down, go íor a walk,
mcdiLaLc. NoL only arc Lhcsc pracLiccs good íor our hcalLh, oíLcn rcducing
sLrcss and lowcring blood prcssurc, buL Lhcy allow íor Lhc spiriL oí inspiraLion
Lo comc íloaLing in, Laking us Lo our own ncxL masLcrpicccs, whaLcvcr Lhcy
mighL look likc.

WRIGHT
Sounds likc a smarL placc Lo sLarL.

Nancy Noonan
!
277

NOONAN
Ycs, and oncc wc sLarL quicLing oursclvcs down morc, wc can bcLLcr acccss
the sccond masLcry sLraLcgy I'd likc Lo Lalk abouL Loday—Lo honor and acLivaLc
our own crcaLiviLy and Lhc crcaLiviLy oí Lhosc wc managc, Lcach, and lcad.
Wc all sLarLcd ouL as vcry crcaLivc liLLlc bcings whcn wc wcrc childrcn. Pablo
Picasso said, ¨Fvcry child is an artist. Thc problcm is how Lo rcmain an arLisL
oncc wc grow up." How do wc rcmain crcaLivc` Sadly adulLs, usually
uninLcnLionally, sLarL puLLing lids on childrcn's crcaLiviLy in ordcr Lo gcL Lhcm
Lo coníorm—Lo íiL in. No wondcr Lhcn LhaL by Lhc Limc wc rcach adulLhood
oursclvcs, wc'vc had a loL oí Lhc insLincLual crcaLiviLy snuíícd ouL in us. By Lhcn
wc also oíLcn havc a skcwcd idca LhaL crcaLiviLy is jusL íor Lhc arLisLs, noL íor
Lhc rcsL oí us cvcryday pcoplc.

WRIGHT
So Lhcn whaL is crcaLiviLy íor us cvcryday pcoplc`

NOONAN
PuL simply, crcaLiviLy mcans cnvisioning somcLhing in your own uniquc,
original, imaginaLivc way—pcriod. It’s a vcry simplc conccpL.

WRIGHT
Wc oíLcn hcar crcaLiviLy and innovaLion uscd inLcrchangcably. Is Lhcrc a
diíícrcncc bcLwccn crcaLiviLy and innovaLion`

NOONAN
InnovaLion is usually considcrcd Lo bc Lhc sccond sLcp or aspccL oí
crcaLiviLy, iL has Lo do wiLh bringing whaL you cnvisioncd ouL inLo Lhc univcrsc.
How many pcoplc havc rcgrcLLcd kccping LhaL idca in Lhcir own back pockcL
whilc Lhcy ¨LhoughL on iL," whilc Lhc pcrson down Lhc road brings Lhc samc
idea ouL and makcs a killing on iL or somconc aL his or hcr workplacc proposcs
the idea and gcLs LhaL promoLion hc or shc was hoping íor`
The innovation step is whcrc noL only individuals gcL Lrippcd up, buL
organizaLions as wcll. Ií a company has a loL oí pcoplc coming up wiLh onc idca
aíLcr anoLhcr, buL no onc Lo implcmcnL Lhcm, Lhcy'rc dcad in Lhc waLcr. Ií your
Stepping Stones to Success

278

crcaLors arc noL good implcmcnLcrs, iL's oíLcn wisc Lo havc Lwo scparaLc
Lcams—Lhc crcaLors and Lhc innovaLors/implcmcnLcrs.
Onc basic Lhing LhaL can hclp us acLivaLc our crcaLiviLy is Lo consciously
sLarL looking aL oursclvcs as crcaLivc bcings and Lo acknowlcdgc our own
crcaLiviLy.
In my kcynoLcs and workshops I oíLcn ask audicncc mcmbcrs Lo Lhink oí
somcLhing LhaL Lhcy havc donc in Lhc pasL or do in Lhc prcscnL LhaL is crcaLivc.
I givc Lhcm a liLLlc biL oí Limc Lo Lhink abouL Lhis, bccausc noL cvcryonc has a
ready answcr. In íacL, somc pcoplc arc Lruly sLumpcd. In LhaL casc, I hclp Lhcm
cxpand Lhc idca oí whaL LhaL crcaLivc acLiviLy mighL look likc. Somc pcoplc
mighL do scrap booking or painLing which, Lo many oí us, arc morc obviously
¨crcaLivc." OLhcrs, howcvcr, mighL havc comc up wiLh a ncw opcraLing sysLcm
aL work, wriLLcn a company ncwslcLLcr, or madc Lhc mosL awcsomc yard dcsign
in Lhcir ncighborhood. Thcsc arc all cxamplcs oí Lhcir bcing crcaLivc, ycL wc
oíLcn don'L rccognizc Lhcm as such. Thc cool Lhing is LhaL whcn wc sLarL
noLicing and acknowlcdging our own crcaLiviLy, iL spirals and wc íind oursclvcs
doing morc and morc crcaLivc Lhings. CrcaLiviLy bcgcLs crcaLiviLy!

WRIGHT
So, as you said, crcaLiviLy is noL jusL rcscrvcd íor Lhc arLisLs, iL's rcally íor all
oí us!

NOONAN
CorrccL. All wc havc Lo do is changc our mindscL abouL crcaLiviLy. In my
programs, I am consLanLly amazcd by Lhc numbcr oí pcoplc who Lcll mc poinL
blank LhaL Lhcy arc noL crcaLivc. Somc cvcn usc Lhc provcrbial, ¨I don'L havc a
crcaLivc bonc in my body!" or ¨I'm noL in Lhc arLs, so I don'L nccd crcaLiviLy."
ThaL's whcn I poinL ouL LhaL cvcry singlc pcrson has a crcaLivc sidc Lo his or hcr
nature—everyone! ThaL's whcn I Lcll Lhcm that traditional artists are not the
only oncs who do crcaLivc Lhings—crcaLiviLy isn'L only abouL sculpLurc and
painLings and musical scorcs. ThaL's whcn I poinL ouL LhaL cvcry pcrson and
organizaLion nccds crcaLiviLy ií Lhcy wanL Lo bc cxccllcnL and Lhrivc.
Nancy Noonan
!
279

Thc Amcrican ManagcmcnL AssociaLion conducLcd a survcy oí íivc hundrcd
CFOs írom many diíícrcnL íiclds. Thc CFOs wcrc askcd whaL was Lhc numbcr
onc componcnL Lo cnsurc LhaL Lhcir organizaLions would survivc and Lhrivc.
Across Lhc board Lhc answcr was Lo pracLicc crcaLiviLy and innovaLion. And,
hey, íivc hundrcd CFOs can'L bc wrong, righL`
This is whcn I Lcll my audicncc LhaL many pcoplc havc a limiLcd vision abouL
crcaLiviLy. Thcy Lhink crcaLiviLy is íor ¨Lhosc oLhcrs"—LhaL crcaLiviLy is
mysLcrious and clusivc. Thc íacL is, crcaLiviLy is simply abouL:

• Doing somcLhing diíícrcnLly írom how iL's bccn donc bcíorc
• Fnvisioning somcLhing in your own uniquc, original, imaginaLivc way
• Coming up wiLh somcLhing whcn you havc no budgcL íor iL
• CrcaLing a LoLally ncw producL, scrvicc, dirccLion, or way oí Lhinking
• Bcing cncrgizcd and in flow by coming up wiLh somcLhing ncw

CrcaLiviLy can puL íirc inLo a sLallcd projccL and movc iL Lo complcLion. IL
can hclp you gcL unsLuck! CrcaLiviLy can savc your company moncy. When your
cmployccs arc bcing morc crcaLivc, Lhcy will bc morc likcly Lo íind soluLions Lo
in-housc problcms. This is a boLLom-line-soluLion approach bccausc it then
saves you or your organizaLion Lhc cosL oí hiring ouLsidc consulLanLs Lo íigurc
Lhings ouL. Thcsc arc vcry concrcLc ouLcomcs Lo crcaLiviLy.
So sincc crcaLiviLy is such a good idca, I hclp my audicnccs rccognizc Lhcir
own crcaLiviLy and Lhc rcsulLs arc asLonishing! Onc busincsswoman lcíL my
program in Lcars—oí joy. Shc said íor ycars shc had iL hammcrcd inLo hcr LhaL
shc was not a crcaLivc pcrson. Whcn Lhc ¨ah-ha" wcnL on íor hcr in my kcynote
that she was crcaLivc, shc íclL shc’d been given a ncw lcasc on liíc and couldn'L
waiL Lo, as shc said, ¨sprcad hcr crcaLiviLy wings!"
IL's imporLanL Lo ask yoursclí, ¨WhaL pricc do you and your organizaLion pay
íor not bcing crcaLivc, cspccially in Lhis day and agc` How many Michclangclos
arc in your organizaLion, jusL waiLing Lo bc handcd a 'hammcr and chiscl’`"
Onc oí Lhc Lhings I implorc oí my clicnLs and audicnccs is Lhis: ¨Unlcash
your crcaLiviLy—do noL go Lo your gravc wiLh any oí your masLcrpicccs sLill
insidc oí you!"
Stepping Stones to Success

280

WRIGHT
Nancy, LhaL's a grcaL conccpL íor all oí us Lo considcr. WhaL arc somc oí Lhc
other steppingstones that the masLcrs usc`

NOONAN
Wcll, Lwo Lhings LhaL arc connccLcd and Lhat inherently run the master
arLisLs' cngincs arc changc and risk. Think oí iL Lhis way—ií Lhc masters
wcrcn'L comíorLablc wiLh Laking Lhc risk Lo changc Lhings up, wc would all sLill
bc looking aL cavc arL. As wondcríul as cavc arL is, picLurc how visually boring it
would bc ií LhaL was Lhc only arL crcaLcd in Lhc cnLirc world all Lhrough Lhc
agcs. Corrcspondingly, as an cxamplc in our modcrn world, ií compuLcr
scicnLisLs wcrcn'L also willing Lo Lakc Lhc risks Lo makc changcs, our compuLcrs
would sLill bc Lhc sizc oí rooms! Hard Lo imaginc wiLh Lhc ncarly minisculc
compuLcrs LhaL wc cnjoy now.

WRIGHT
ThaL's íor surc.

NOONAN
Thc challcngc wiLh changc is LhaL wc, as humans, arc gcncrally
uncomíorLablc wiLh changc. IL makcs us insccurc and so wc oíLcn do whaLcvcr
wc can Lo avoid iL. And ycL, progrcss and growLh only occur whcn onc is willing
Lo proacLivcly cmbracc changc. And Lo cmbracc changc in spiLc oí Lhc risks LhaL
go along wiLh changc.
WiLh Lhc way Lhings arc going in Lhc world nowadays, changc is occurring
consLanLly and in ways wc could noL havc imagincd, cvcn a ycar ago. World
markcLs arc LccLcring, homc loans arc hard to get, people are losing their
homcs and jobs—changc is all around us, whcLhcr wc likc iL or noL. So Lhc
qucsLion is, ¨How can wc gcL morc comíorLablc wiLh changc, sincc iL's hcrc`"
Onc way is Lo proacLivcly sLarL making changcs in our own livcs on a rcgular
basis. Whcn wc gcL inLo Lhc ílow oí making changcs rcgularly, Lhcn whcn
changc is imposcd upon us, iL is noL so jarring.
ScLh Codin Lalkcd abouL changc and risk in his book, Purple Cows: Transform
your Business by Being Remarkable. Hc said LhaL in Lhis day and agc whcn Lhc
Nancy Noonan
!
281

Lhings LhaL uscd Lo work jusL arcn'L working any longcr, it’s now saícr Lo bc
risky. Imaginc LhaL—saícr Lo bc risky! This is cspccially grcaL ncws íor Lhosc
who arc unduly saícLy conscious! In Lhcir landmark book, In Search of Excellence,
Tom PcLcrs and RobcrL WaLcrman poinLcd ouL LhaL ¨a spccial aLLribuLc oí Lhc
succcss-oriented, positive, and innovaLing cnvironmcnL is a subsLanLial
Lolcrancc íor íailurc."
The master arLisLs naLurally know LhaL iL is saícr Lo bc risky. Ií Lhcy arcn't
consLanLly giving pcoplc somcLhing radically ncw Lo look aL and Lhink abouL,
Lhcir arL would bc labclcd ¨sLalc" and Lhcy would íall by Lhc waysidc. FiniLo. OuL
oí busincss. Iikcwisc, succcssíul CFOs, adminisLraLors, busincss owncrs,
proícssionals, cducaLors, and oLhcrs who succccd and sLay in busincss know
Lhis, Loo.
For all oí Lhcm, Laking Lhc risks Lo makc changcs is impcraLivc Lo sLaying in
busincss and Lhriving. Ií we wanL Lo ¨sLay in Lhc busincss" oí living and working
at our highest and best levels as our own masLcrs oí succcss, wc nccd Lo changc
Lhc pcrspccLivc LhaL Lhc majoriLy oí pcoplc hold—LhaL íailurc is a ncgaLivc. A
much bcLLcr way Lo vicw íailurc is Lo scc iL noL as a ncgaLivc, buL as simply a
way Lo gaLhcr iníormaLion. IL Lclls us LhaL ¨a" docsn'L work, so wc should Lry
¨b," ¨c," or ¨d." No usc crying ovcr spilL milk! CaLhcr your iníormaLion, apply iL
Lo whaL you'rc doing, and movc on. Whcn arLisLs painL whaL Lhcy dccm to be a
¨bad" painLing, whaL happcns` Thcy jusL painL ovcr iL! So can wc! IL's LhaL
simplc. WhaL a írccing conccpL LhaL is, oncc wc Lruly gcL iL. 3usL painL ovcr iL!
The masLcr arLisLs know LhaL iL scrvcs no onc Lo sLay sLuck, sLaring
inccssanLly aL our ¨bad painLings" and our obsLaclcs, insLcad oí moving pasL
Lhcm. Iconardo da Vinci's world-íamous masLcrpiccc, Lhc Mona Lisa, did not
always look as iL docs now, in iLs íinal íorm. Bccausc oí inírarcd Lcchnology, wc
can now scc undcr Lhc suríacc oí painLings. Thcrcíorc, wc know LhaL aL onc
poinL Iconardo had painsLakingly painLcd a nccklacc on Lhc woman. Thc
Rcnaissancc, Lhc Limc in which Lhis work was donc, íocuscd on classical
simpliciLy and clariLy, oíLcn bcspcaking LhaL ¨lcss is morc." Iconardo
apparcnLly rcalizcd LhaL Lhc nccklacc dcLracLcd írom Lhc painLing and iLs
simpliciLy and painLcd ovcr iL. A misLakc` A íailurc` No. An improvcmcnL! And
as onc oí Lhc mosL purposcíully visiLcd works oí arL in Lhc world, wiLh millions
Stepping Stones to Success

282

oí pcoplc vicwing iL cvcry ycar in Lhc Iouvrc muscum in Paris, iL is an
undcniablc masLcrpiccc and succcss.

WRIGHT
The true masLcrs know whcn Lo íold iL and movc on, iL sccms.

NOONAN
No qucsLion. Thcy also know LhaL gcLLing somc disLancc írom Lhc work can
bc vcry bcncíicial. Ií you'vc cvcr sccn an ImprcssionisL painLing by Claudc
Monet, August Renoir, or Mary CassaLL, you know LhaL whcn you gcL up closc
Lo Lhc work, iL jusL looks likc a bunch oí liLLlc blobs. IL's whcn you gcL a good
disLancc írom iL LhaL Lhc wholc painLing comcs inLo íocus. And isn'L LhaL Lruc in
liíc` SomcLimcs wc'rc so closc Lo a problcm or a challcngc that wc can'L sccm Lo
scc Lhc soluLion. Wc nccd Lo sLcp back and gcL a írcsh pcrspccLivc so iL can all
comc inLo sharper íocus.
In íacL, onc oí Lhc mosL cííccLivc Lhings wc can do is Lo puL somc acLual
disLancc bcLwccn oursclvcs and Lhc issue—movc ovcr and íocus on somcLhing
clsc íor a whilc. Whcn you comc back Lo iL, you oíLcn scc iL wiLh a írcsh vision, a
ncw clariLy. Thc íamous íiíLccnLh ccnLury VcncLian painLcr, TiLian, would
commonly Lurn a painLing íacing Lhc wall and noL look aL iL íor wccks or
monLhs. Hc said whcn hc camc back Lo iL, hc oíLcn kncw immcdiaLcly whaL Lhc
painting needed to be complcLc—knowlcdgc hc'd bccn sLruggling Lo gcL whcn
hc was ¨kncc dccp" in Lhc painLing carlicr. Whcn wc scc a problcm wiLh írcsh
cycs, wc oíLcn scc Lhings in ways wc couldn'L scc bcíorc and wc cnd up wiLh a
much morc succcssíul ouLcomc.

WRIGHT
Nancy, Lo bccomc a masLcr, docs onc nccd Lo Lakc a soliLary paLh`

NOONAN
David, everyone goes along the path or the steppingstones of success in his or
hcr own way. Howcvcr, Lhrough Lhc agcs, iL has provcn Lo bc vcry bcncíicial Lo
connccL wiLh oLhcrs as you go along. You'vc hcard sLorics abouL Lhc arLisLs, íor
cxamplc, congrcgaLing íor hours in Lhc Parisian caícs, Lalking abouL Lhcir arL,
Nancy Noonan
!
283

somcLimcs cvcn gcLLing inLo hcaLcd argumcnLs abouL which sLylc or Lcchniquc
was supcrior Lo oLhcrs. AlLhough I'm noL suggcsLing wc havc Lo Lakc iL Lo Lhc
argumcnL lcvcl, iL is vcry hclpíul Lo gcL LogcLhcr wiLh oLhcrs in our íiclds.
3oining associaLions, calling collcagucs Lo mccL íor coíícc, having a phonc chaL,
or mccLing wiLh pcoplc who work in oLhcr dcparLmcnLs can broadcn our own
knowlcdgc basc and spark idcas wc mighL noL cvcr havc LhoughL oí on our own.
McnLoring is also cxcccdingly hclpíul in moving us Loward our succcss. I
comc írom a íamily whcrc many oí Lhc mcn arc clccLricians. Thcy havc
csLablishcd sLcps whcrc Lhcy sLarL as an apprcnLicc, movc up Lo bcing a
journcyman, and ulLimaLcly graduaLc Lo bccomc a masLcr clccLrician. Whilc
they are going through these diíícrcnL phascs (all Lhc whilc applying Lhc
componcnLs oí Lhc íormula oí mastery: MasLcry = Skills + Knowlcdgc +
Fxccllcncc), Lhcy arc working sidc-by-sidc wiLh oLhcrs who havc surpasscd
Lhcm Lo a highcr lcvcl, bcing mcnLorcd by Lhcm and lcarning írom Lhcir
wisdom and cxpcricncc. ParL oí Lhc Lraining Lhc master artists also wcnL
Lhrough was Lo bc apprcnLiccd Lo arLisLs who wcrc alrcady MasLcrs. For
cxamplc, Michclangclo was apprcnLiccd Lo Lhc master arLisL, Chirlandaio and
Iconardo da Vinci Lo Andrca dcl Vcrrocchio, Lhey also set up their easels in
íronL oí masLcrpicccs and copicd Lhcm. Icarning how Lhc master artists had
laid down Lhc painL, how Lhcy had approachcd lighL and linc and shapc and
color and LcxLurc gavc Lhcm a dccpcr lcarning Lhcy could Lhcn apply to
dcvcloping Lhcir own sLylcs.
You know, I Lhink onc oí Lhc misLakcs wc oíLcn makc in Lhc workplacc or in
our livcs Loday is Lo gcL Lo a placc whcrc wc no longcr Lhink wc nccd mcnLors.
Our pridc gcLs in Lhc way or wc gcL Loo complaccnL and Lhink wc'vc pretty
much lcarncd iL all. Howcvcr, Lhc LruLh is LhaL somc oí Lhc mosL succcssíul
pcoplc in Lhc world arc oncs who conLinuc Lo lcarn and bc mcnLorcd írom
oLhcrs. IL's an imporLanL piccc Lo mastery and parL oí the steppingstones to
success proccss.

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284

WRIGHT
Nancy, you'vc givcn us somc grcaL ncw sLraLcgics and insighLs as Lo how wc
can crcaLc masLcry in our livcs and work Lo gcncraLc our own succcss. Thank
you íor joining us.

NOONAN
David, iL's bccn my plcasurc. I look íorward Lo hcaring írom rcadcrs to
¨conLinuc" Lhc discussion! My conLacL iníormaLion will íollow.
285

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
Based upon LwcnLy-íivc ycars oí studying masLcry, human poLcnLial cxpcrL
Nancy Noonan is soughL ouL by corporaLions, associaLions, and organizaLions
Lo rcigniLc and rcíocus Lhcir pcoplc. Shc hclps Lhcm dcvclop Lhcir own scnsc oí
masLcry (Mastery = Knowledge + Skills + Excellence) to unleash their greatest
poLcnLial, achicving pcrsonal and organizaLional cxccllcncc Lo producc
cxLraordinary rcsulLs. Uniqucly combining hcr corporaLc background wiLh
ycars oí collcgc Lcaching as an awardcd ¨MasLcr Tcachcr," Nancy Lakcs Lo Lhc
stage today as a proícssional spcakcr, auLhor, workshop/rcLrcaL lcadcr,
íaciliLaLor, consulLanL, and coach. To cnsurc hcr kcynoLcs and workshops arc
both informative and entertaining, Nancy draws on hcr Irish hcriLagc oí naLural
sLoryLcllcrs and humorisLs, as wcll as hcr own cxpcricncc in improv.

NANCY NOONAN
The Art of Mastery
S02 W. Mulbcrry SLrccL
Iouisvillc, CO S0027
720-304-3597 or 877-684-8507
nnønancynoonanspcaks.com
www.nancynoonanspcaks.com




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287


C HA P T E R NI NE T E E N
Happincss: Thc SubjccL FducaLors Ovcrlookcd
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . JoAnne Veeck
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc arc Lalking Lo 3oannc Vccck. 3oannc is a crcdcnLialcd Lcachcr and a
mcmbcr oí Lhc NaLional Spcakcr's AssociaLion. For ovcr íiíLccn ycars shc has
dcvoLcd hcrsclí Lo Lhc rcscarch and sLudy oí PosiLivc Psychology and LoLal-body-
wcll-bcing, in addiLion Lo bcing Lhc VP oí a rcLail drug chain. 3oannc's passion is
cducaLing pcoplc on Lhc scicnLiíically provcn Lcchniqucs and LruLhs abouL
complcLc and lasLing happincss. Hcr mission is Lo bring ouL Lhc íacLs LhaL no
maLLcr who you arc, whcrc you arc or whcrc you havc comc írom, you can bc
happier Lhan you cvcr drcamcd possiblc. 3oannc, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to
Success. WhaL inLrigucs you abouL PosiLivc Psychology and sincc iL is a ncwcr
scicncc, will you Lcll us a liLLlc morc abouL iL`

JOANNE VEECK (VEECK)
WhaL I lovc and íind so íascinaLing abouL PosiLivc Psychology is Lhc almosL
insLanL, posiLivc cííccL iL has on pcoplc's livcs. In íacL, iL's quiLc iníccLious! Oncc
Stepping Stones to Success

288

Lhc scicnLiíically provcn Lcchniqucs arc inLroduccd and applicd Lo individuals, a
ncw-íound, inLcrnal cncrgy is discovcrcd and liíc-alLcring changcs arc madc.
Ovcr Lhc coursc oí jusL a ícw wccks, Lhcsc íccl-good changcs bccomc habiL-
íorming. This oíLcn results in Lhc dcsirc Lo acquirc morc knowlcdgc and skills. IL
inLrigucs, cxciLcs, and givcs mc grcaL plcasurc Lo Lcach, obscrvc, and bc a parL oí
this relativcly ncw arcna oí scicncc LhaL involvcs Lhc LransíormaLion oí Lhc mind,
body, and soul.
Psychology is a scicncc LhaL dcals wiLh hcaling and rcpairing a mcnLal illncss
and/or Lhc worsL Lhings in liíc LhaL pcoplc can cndurc, ulLimaLcly lcaving an
individual wiLh liíclong cmoLional pain and suíícring. IL is Lhc rcscarch oí
psychological disordcrs and Lhc cííccLs oí a dysíuncLional íamily liíc and/or a
sLrcssíul cnvironmcnL. WiLh psychological Lhcrapy, Lhc goal or hopc is Lo hclp
Lhc paLicnL íind a balanccd pcacc oí mind and íuncLion in a rclaLivcly normal and
socially acccpLcd capaciLy.
PosiLivc Psychology, on Lhc oLhcr hand, rccognizcs and dcals wiLh discasc,
dysíuncLion, and damagc, buL docs noL rcmain solcly íocuscd on iLs ncgaLivc
cííccLs. Thc íoundaLion oí Lhis ncw scicncc was builL on whaL is good, whaL is
known abouL human sLrcngLhs, and whaL is righL. Ovcr Lhc lasL Lcn ycars,
scicnLiíic mcLhods havc bccn discovcrcd LhaL can noL only prcvcnL scrious
problcms írom occurring in Lhc íirsL placc, buL LhaL will also bring awarcncss Lo
cxplosivc pcrsonal sLrcngLhs, couragc, and drivc. Thc ¨mcLhods," Lricd and Lruc,
will surpass mcrc conLcnLmcnL lcvcls and gcncraLc ícclings oí joy and jubilaLion.
Simply sLaLcd, PosiLivc Psychology is a giíL Lo humankind. IL can opcn closcd
minds, hcal discasc-íillcd minds, and bring awarcncss Lo all minds oí Lhc ¨happy"
liíc wc arc mcanL Lo havc and wcll dcscrvc.
I parLicularly likc Dr. MarLin Scligman's (DirccLor oí Pcnn SLaLc PosiLivc
Psychology CcnLcr) inLcrprcLaLion, ¨PosiLivc PsychologisLs will makc Lhc world a
happicr placc, parallcl Lo Lhc way clinical psychologisLs havc madc Lhc world a
lcss unhappy placc." (www.auLhcnLichappincss.sas.upcnn.cdu/dcíaulL.aspx,
acccsscd Novcmbcr l3, 2000.) So, whilc wiping ouL a bad Lhing is hclpíul,
building a good Lhing is cvcn bcLLcr!

JoAnne Veeck

289

WRIGHT
From your rcscarch oí PosiLivc Psychology and ovcrall happincss, whaL do you
íccl is Lhc singlc mosL imporLanL discovcry you havc madc`

VEECK
WiLhouL hcsiLaLion, bascd on ovcr íiíLccn ycars oí rcscarch and cxpcricncc,
Lhc singlc mosL imporLanL discovcry I havc madc is LhaL happincss can bc LaughL
and iL should bc rcgardcd as a subjccL in our schools and vicwcd cqually as
imporLanL as rcading and wriLing. IL should bcgin aL an carly agc wiLh on-going
insLrucLion and Lraining aL cvcry gradc lcvcl Lhrough high school and collcgc. Ií
you Lhink Lhis sounds crazy, as you conLinuc rcading, you may changc your
LhoughL.
In an arLiclc, LiLlcd ¨WcllingLon Lo Civc Pupils TimcLablcd Icssons in
Happincss," in April oí 2006, iL sLaLcs ¨WcllingLon Collcgc is Lo givc pupils
LimcLablcd lcssons in how Lo lcad happicr livcs." Thc class, PSHF (Pcrsonal,
Social, and HcalLh FducaLion), will givc Lhc sLudcnLs skills Lo ¨incrcasc Lhc
likclihood oí happincss wiLh liíc and how Lo channcl Lhc cmoLional pains oí scL-
backs cn rouLc." IL has also bccn rcporLcd LhaL Cambridgc and Harvard
UnivcrsiLics havc noL only inLroduccd classcs on happincss, buL aL Harvard, in
2006, iL bccamc Lhcir mosL popular coursc.
IL wasn'L diííiculL Lo arrivc aL Lhc discovcry LhaL happincss can bc LaughL. In
200l, aL Lhc cnd oí a onc-hour prcscnLaLion I dclivcrcd Lo a classroom oí scvcnLh
and cighLh gradcrs, LiLlcd, ¨Happy Hour," I was plcascd buL noL surpriscd by Lhc
íavorablc and cncrgcLic commcnLs írom Lhc sLudcnLs. Somc raiscd Lhcir hands Lo
Lcll mc Lhcy had lcarncd morc in LhaL onc hour Lhan Lhcy had írom prcvious,
morc íormal, long-Lcrm, moLivaLional-Lypc programs.
WhaL caughL mc complcLcly oíí guard, Lhough, wcrc Lhc commcnLs írom Lhc
Lcachcrs, sLaíí mcmbcrs, and gucsLs. In a noLc, onc Lcachcr sLaLcd, ¨From Lhc
vcry bcginning oí your spccch I íound mysclí íumbling around my dcsk in scarch
oí a pcncil Lo Lakc noLcs. A loL oí your inspiring iníormaLion was uníamiliar Lo
mc and I didn'L wanL Lo miss a Lhing." AnoLhcr Lcachcr wroLc, ¨I íclL your
mcssagc succcssíully rcachcd pcoplc oí all agcs." And a Lhird Lcachcr said Lo mc
pcrsonally, ¨I can'L cvcn imaginc how many livcs you changcd Loday, including
Stepping Stones to Success

290

my own." I was inviLcd back Lo LhaL parLicular middlc school in Roscvillc,
Caliíornia, Lhrcc diíícrcnL Limcs Lo spcak Lo Lhcir sLudcnLs and sLaíí mcmbcrs.
From LhaL day íorward I branchcd ouL Lo diíícrcnL Lypcs oí groups oí all agcs,
buL rcmaincd íocuscd on Lhc imporLancc and cííccLivcncss oí ¨Lcaching
happincss." I havc rcccivcd counLlcss lcLLcrs írom audicncc mcmbcrs and clicnLs
buL onc oí Lhc mosL LhoughL-provoking was írom a woman, S. Sanborn, írom
Sloughhousc, Caliíornia, who wroLc, ¨I am in LoLal agrccmcnL wiLh you LhaL
happincss nccds Lo bc a subjccL LaughL in schools! 3usL Lhink how many billions
oí dollars our counLry would savc in mcdicinc and Lhcrapy! Scriously, iL should bc
lookcd aL as prcvcnLaLivc mcdicinc, wiLh Lax brcaks Lo parcnLs whosc childrcn
aLLcnd Lhc courscs." Ms. Sanborn íclL so sLrongly abouL Lhis maLLcr, shc
concludcd hcr lcLLcr wiLh Lhis sLaLcmcnL, ¨Ií Lhcrc is anyLhing I can do in supporL
oí implcmcnLing your idca/passion inLo our cducaLional curriculum, plcasc lcL
mc know."
ChrisLophcr PcLcrson, PhD, wroLc, ¨Thc good liíc can bc LaughL." Ycs, many
cxpcrLs and proícssionals in Lhc íicld oí PosiLivc Psychology now know Lhis Lo bc
Lruc. PcLcrson conLinucd wiLh, ¨Thc good liíc is hard work and Lhcrc arc no
shorLcuLs Lo susLaincd happincss." This sLaLcmcnL, my íricnds, in my opinion, is
íalsc. AlLhough you musL íocus and sLay on Lhc righL paLh during your journcy Lo
happincss, dccming iL Lo bc ¨hard work," is sLricLly in Lhc opinion oí Lhc
bcholdcr! My clicnLs, collcagucs, and íricnds íind iL Lo bc upliíLing, cxciLing, and
posiLivcly challcnging. I havc cvcn hcard somc say LhaL ovcr a pcriod oí Limc,
Lhcy havc íound Lhc proccss Lo susLaincd happincss Lo bc íun and easy.

WRIGHT
You Lalk abouL giving lccLurcs on your passion, Lhc subjccL oí happincss,
through a one-hour presentation you rcícr Lo as ¨Happy Hour." Thc lasL Limc I
goL ¨happy" in an hour, I didn'L íccl vcry good Lhc ncxL day. Scriously, is iL
rcalisLic Lo say somconc can bccomc happy in an hour wiLhouL going Lo Lhc local
pub`

JoAnne Veeck

291

VEECK
Thc answcr Lo LhaL qucsLion is, yes! I likc Lo Lhink oí ¨Happy Hour" as bcing
similar Lo waLching a compclling prcvicw íor a movic—you can'L waiL Lo go and
scc iL. AíLcr cxpcricncing ¨Happy Hour," you can'L waiL Lo go and livc iL. IL is a
vcry spcciíic and iníormaLivc ovcrvicw/inLroducLion Lo whaL will hopcíully
bccomc Lhc íirsL day oí Lhc rcsL oí your liíc. Morc spcciíically, onc audicncc
mcmbcr had Lhis Lo say rcgarding Happy Hour, ¨3oannc Lakcs popular,
convcnLional, LradiLional, and acadcmic psychology and Lurns iL all on iLs cars.
AíLcr lisLcning Lo hcr, I íound mysclí lcaving Lhc vcnuc íccling an inch Lallcr Lhan
whcn I had cnLcrcd." (D. Clcland, SacramcnLo, Caliíornia)
Happy Hour is a compilaLion oí íiíLccn ycars oí rcscarch and complcLc
dcdicaLion Lo noL only undcrsLanding happincss, buL rcdcíining iL íor modcrn
day living. QuiLc diíícrcnL írom how wc'vc bccn condiLioncd Lo Lhink, iL docs noL
advocaLc spcnding a liícLimc pursuing iL, raLhcr, iL cmphasizcs ¨Train, RcLain,
and Cain" (Lhc Happy Hour moLLo) Loday, and spcnd Lhc rcsL oí your liíc living
¨happily cvcr aíLcr."
For many rcasons, Lhc Lcrm, idca, pcrccpLion, conccpL, dcíiniLion, cLc. oí Lhc
word ¨happy" has bccomc disjoinLcd. A vocabulary word dccmcd simplc and
basic, ¨happy" has bccomc, Lo mosL pcoplc, a mysLcry or a puzzlc Loo hard Lo
solvc. Thc rcason is LhaL iL is noL ¨simplc" or ¨basic." SLudy aíLcr sLudy has, in
íacL, lcd somc proícssionals Lo bclicvc LhaL happincss is ciLhcr noL possiblc or noL
probablc.
This is an old íashioncd way oí Lhinking and is bascd largcly upon our naLion’s
pasL whcn íacLors oí war, Lhc grcaL Dcprcssion, íaminc, discasc, and simply
sLruggling Lo survivc wcrc a way oí liíc. AlLhough Lhc pasL is jusL LhaL—the
past—and wc nccd Lo ¨gcL ovcr iL," wc can'L ignorc LhaL iL was Lhc ¨rock boLLom"
our counLry hiL during Lhosc ycars LhaL íuclcd Lhc cncrgy in our ciLizcns Lo
rcbuild Lhcir livcs and Lhcir counLry. And, whaL a succcss sLory iL was! Thcir qucsL
and duc diligcncc Lo bccomc Lhc mosL powcríul counLry in Lhc world Look hold.
BuL as sLaLisLics Lcll us now, wc havc Lo ask oursclvcs, did wc puL our sLrcngLh,
cncrgy, and dcLcrminaLion Lo Lhc bcsL usc`
In an inílucnLial acadcmic papcr, MarLin Scligman, Lhc UnivcrsiLy oí
Pcnnsylvania psychologisL who launchcd Lhc posiLivc psychology movcmcnL, and
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292

Fd Dicncr oí Lhc UnivcrsiLy oí Illinois wroLc, ¨AlLhough cconomic ouLpuL has
riscn sLccply ovcr Lhc pasL dccadc, Lhcrc has bccn no risc in liíc saLisíacLion
during Lhis pcriod and Lhcrc has bccn a subsLanLial incrcasc in dcprcssion and
disLrusL." So, Lhc answcr is obvious—apparcnLly wc did noL puL our cncrgy Lo Lhc
bcsL usc.
Now, Lhc qucsLion is, do wc havc any cncrgy lcíL íor whaL's mosL imporLanL—
Lhc rcbuilding oí hopc, moralc, sclí-worLh, and cmoLional wcll-bcing` Think
abouL iL: how can Lhc ciLizcns oí our naLion wakc up cvcry morning and íacc Lhcir
ncw daily challcngcs wiLh cnLhusiasm and dcLcrminaLion or makc posiLivc
changcs in socicLy whcn ¨dcprcssion and disLrusL" arc looming among Lhcm`
And, ií Lhc ícclings oí hopclcssncss and dcspair arc indccd ¨incrcasing," how long
will iL Lakc bcíorc our naLion is íillcd wiLh non-producLivc, non-caring, and
lcLhargic individuals` Could iL bc LhaL Lhis is cxacLly whaL wc'rc cxpcricncing
righL now` David Camcron, a BriLish opposiLion lcadcr, said in a spccch in 2006,
¨IL's Limc wc admiLLcd LhaL Lhcrc's morc Lo liíc Lhan moncy, and iL's Limc wc
íocuscd noL jusL on CDP, buL on CWB—gcncral wcll-bcing."
Mr. Camcron has sincc organizcd a QualiLy oí Iiíc Policy Croup ¨Lo cxaminc
ways govcrnmcnLs can lcgislaLc Lo boosL naLional conLcnLmcnL lcvcls." (The
Greenville Sun, AugusL 2007) Finally, Lhc word goL ouL somcwhcrc in Lhc world
LhaL Lhcrc's no íairy godmoLhcr and no magic wand. How many morc busincsscs
nccd Lo íail and how much morc dcspair do ¨wc Lhc pcoplc" nccd Lo cndurc
bcíorc Lhc lcadcrs oí our naLion rcalizc our ¨conLcnLmcnL lcvcls" could also sLand
a ¨boosL"` CrcaL sLridcs could bc madc, oncc again, in Lhis counLry wiLh Lhc hclp
oí our govcrnmcnL. Financial supporL íor on-going programs Lo Lcach and Lrain
Lhc íolks oí Lhis naLion how Lo ¨boosL Lhcir conLcnLmcnL lcvcls" would bc puLLing
our moncy and our cncrgy Lo iLs opLimal usc.
Thc succcss and ovcrall cííccLivcncss oí such programs LhaL sLimulaLc minds
and causc us Lo wiLncss Lhc rcbirLh oí hiddcn cncrgy LhroughouL our counLry can
only bc imagincd. In my onc-hour scssion wiLh Lhc inLcnL Lo ¨boosL conLcnLmcnL
lcvcls" Lhrough Lhc usc oí scicnLiíically provcn Lcchniqucs, Lhis is onc oí Lhc
rcsponscs I rcccivcd: ¨Dcar 3oannc, I jusL wanLcd Lo Lhank you íor sharing your
incrcdiblc knowlcdgc. You arc a vcry inspiring woman. I know LonighL has
changcd my liíc and I will pass iL on Lo my childrcn and cvcryonc clsc around mc.
JoAnne Veeck

293

I rcally hopc you havc anoLhcr Lalk soon bccausc I will inviLc cvcryonc I know Lo
comc." (3. Hankins, Ioomis, Caliíornia.)
So, oncc again, ¨ycs," wiLh an opcn mind, you can acLually bcgin a ncw liíc oí
happincss in an hour. WiLh Lhis known LruLh, whaL dcgrcc oí grcaLncss could bc
cxcrciscd world-widc ií programs similar Lo minc Look placc on a schcdulcd basis
LhroughouL much oí our livcs` For now, uníorLunaLcly, wc can only wondcr.

WRIGHT
Who inspircd you Lo inspirc oLhcrs`

VEECK
Thcrc havc bccn a numbcr oí pcoplc who havc inspircd mc. Two oí whom, I'm
proud Lo say, jusL happcn Lo bc my parcnLs.
My moLhcr, Pcnny 3cíícrs, grcw up wiLh an abusivc and alcoholic íaLhcr. AL
agc sixLccn, unablc Lo convincc hcr moLhcr Lo Lakc hcr Lhrcc youngcr broLhcrs
and lcavc hcr íaLhcr, my moLhcr ran away írom homc. For Lhc ncxL Lhrcc ycars
shc carricd Lhrcc jobs and madc a ncw liíc íor hcrsclí. As badly as shc misscd hcr
moLhcr and broLhcrs, shc kncw shc could ncvcr go back. AL nincLccn shc mcL and
ícll in lovc wiLh my íaLhcr, Ccorgc 3cíícrs, and a ycar laLcr Lhcy wcrc marricd. My
íaLhcr hclpcd my moLhcr Lurn hcr cmoLional ¨scars inLo sLars" and uncovcr inncr
sLrcngLh shc ncvcr kncw shc had. (¨Turn your scars inLo sLars" is a phrasc crcaLcd
and oíLcn uscd by Dr. RobcrL Schullcr oí Lhc CrysLal CaLhcdral.)
NoL only was Lhcir marriagc oí íiíLy-six ycars íull oí lovc and rcspccL, shc
spcnL hcr liíc giving gcncrously and caring íor oLhcrs and raiscd Lwo daughLcrs Lo
do Lhc samc. NoL only did shc scL Lhc sLandard íor a sclílcss liícsLylc, hcr mcssagc
Lo hcr daughLcrs was clcar and lcd by cxamplc—whcn your liíc isn'L going in Lhc
dirccLion you wanL íor yoursclí, Lurn around!
My íaLhcr—my íricnd, my boss, and my mcnLor—was onc in Lcn million! Hc
was ablc Lo succcssíully balancc a ílawlcss work cLhic and pcrsonal liíc sccond Lo
nonc. Hc had honcsLy, inLcgriLy, and an immcnsc compassion íor cvcryonc who
sLcppcd in and ouL oí his liíc.
AL Lhc ripc old agc oí LhirLccn, my íaLhcr bcgan his long-Lcrm carccr oí LhirLy-
íour ycars wiLh Walgrccns. IaLcr, hc was scoopcd up by Lwo oLhcr gianL rcLailcrs
Stepping Stones to Success

294

who, wcrc also in awc oí his qualiLy and succcssíul pcríormancc as a leader and as
a gcnuinc, scnsiLivc, and caring man. Thcn, onc day, aL agc íiíLy-íivc, hc dccidcd
Lo lcavc Lhc corporaLc world bchind and hc quiL his job. BuL don'L lcL LhaL íool
you, Lhis wasn'L Lhc cnd by any mcans. In íacL, iL was jusL Lhc bcginning! In l0S4,
aíLcr íiíLccn-hour-days and cighLccn monLhs oí rcscarching a ncw conccpL oí
rcLail, hc opcncd up Lhc íirsL oí a íivc-sLorc ¨dccp discounL" drug chain in
SacramcnLo, Caliíornia. For LwcnLy-Lhrcc ycars hc owncd and opcraLcd a
succcssíul busincss cmploying closc Lo onc Lhousand pcoplc.
To sum up why hc was so succcssíul ouLsidc oí his dcLcrminaLion and passion
íor hard work, in 2006, an arLiclc was wriLLcn abouL him in Lhc Sacramento
Magazine. ¨Ioyal, gcncrous, caring, gcnuinc, and íricnd arcn'L words usually used
Lo dcscribc somconc's boss. Company CFOs arc oíLcn LhoughL oí as alooí. This is
noL Lhc casc wiLh Ccorgc 3cíícrs. Whcn pcoplc comc Lo work íor him Lhcy sLay.
IL's common Lo íind cmployccs wcaring íiíLccn and LwcnLy-ycar pins." His
mcssagc was clcar: To cxpcricncc succcss in iLs LrucsL íorm, whcLhcr in our
busincss, pcrsonal liíc or boLh, wc havc Lo pcrmancnLly changc and Lrain our
LhoughLs and íocus on making cvcryonc around us íccl good. Thcn and only Lhcn
will wc gcL back whaL wc havc givcn out—succcss bcing jusL onc small piccc oí
our pic.
I was blcsscd Lo bc cmploycd and guidcd by a boss who shincd Lhc lighL íor all
who sharcd his paLh and who jusL happcncd Lo bc my dad. Ií I could bc halí as
inspiring as my íaLhcr, I'd paL mysclí on Lhc back and say, ¨3ob wcll donc."

WRIGHT
OuLsidc oí your parcnLs, who would you say has had Lhc biggcsL inílucncc on
your liíc and carccr`

VEECK
Ií you'vc noLiccd, Lhcrc is morc squarc íooLagc dcvoLcd Lo Lhc ¨sclí-hclp"
sccLion in book sLorcs Lhan mosL oLhcr caLcgorics. I would havc Lo assumc iL's
onc oí Lhc largcsL bccausc iL's onc oí Lhc mosL proíiLablc. So, ií Lhis is Lhc casc,
¨hclp" bcing aL our disposal, I'vc oíLcn wondcrcd why Lhcrc is so much cmoLional
pain and suíícring. Arc Lhc books bcing boughL buL noL rcad or rcad buL noL
JoAnne Veeck

295

rcLaincd or rcLaincd buL noL cxcrciscd` AlLhough I don'L havc Lhc cxacL answcr Lo
LhaL qucsLion, whaL I do know is LhaL ií Lhc iníormaLion in mosL sclí-hclp books
was rcad, rcLaincd, and pracLiccd rcpcaLcdly, a qualiLy liíc would prcvail and
Lhcrc would bc lcss nccd íor conLrovcrsial and dangcrous mood cnhancing drugs.
To answcr your qucsLion, Lhosc who havc inílucnccd mc includc cvcry onc oí
Lhc auLhors oí Lhc scvcral hundrcd books LhaL cncompass sclí-help,
cnhanccmcnL, and cnlighLcnmcnL. BuL, in narrowing Lhc scarch, iL is Lhc
íollowing íour mcn who havc casL a pcrmancnL and posiLivc spcll on my
understanding, attaining, and apprcciaLion oí Lhc good liíc:

Dr. Robert Schuller
Through Lhc dozcns oí inspiraLional books wriLLcn by Dr. RobcrL Schullcr,
minisLcr oí Lhc CrysLal CaLhcdral, Cardcn Crovc, Caliíornia, hc was Lhc onc who
íirsL ¨LaughL" mc how Lo Reach Out For New Life, Lhc LiLlc oí onc oí his books.
This book was a giíL LhaL camc Lo mc aL a Limc whcn I was ¨busy"—busy setting
Lhc wrong prioriLics in bcLwccn raising a íamily and working íull-Limc. I placcd iL
on a bookshclí, along wiLh Lhc oLhcr books ¨I'd gcL Lo somcday." Scvcral ycars
laLcr, íor no known rcason, I blcw oíí Lhc dusL LhaL had collccLcd on Lhc book and
auLomaLically opcncd iL Lo pagc six. My cycs zcrocd in on Lhcsc words: ¨In Lhis
book I wanL Lo sharc wiLh you a proccss—Lhc PossibiliLy Thinking Proccss—
which will lcad Lo pcrmancnL, crcaLivc changc in your liíc. You will bcgin by
bclicving Lhcrc is a morc cxciLing liíc ahcad oí you, you will bcgin Lo scc LhaL
Lhcrc is morc knowlcdgc, morc happincss, ncw opporLuniLics, grcaLcr prospcriLy,
richcr sclí-esLccm waiLing íor you. A ncw you will bc born wiLh unlimiLcd powcr."
¨Such a convincing mcssagc," I LhoughL. ¨Is Lhcrc somconc who wouldn'L rcad
on`" Anxious íor whaL I had rcad Lo Lakc hold in my liíc, I noL only ¨rcad on," I
rcad cvcry book hc wroLc. WhaL I lcarncd was ¨Lhc proccss." WhaL I'vc
cxpcricnccd, sincc, is Lhc ¨pcrmancnL, crcaLivc changc in my liíc," cxacLly how
Dr. Schullcr dcscribcd iL in LhaL íirsL paragraph.



Stepping Stones to Success

296

Gary Zukav
Cary Zukav, auLhor oí The Seat of the Soul, The Heart of the Soul and Soul
Stories, Lhrough Lhc combinaLion oí psychological insighL and spiriLualiLy, has
givcn mc invaluablc awarcncss inLo Lhc many ¨whys" oí whaL wc do and answcrs
Lo liíc's qucsLions. Thcrc is much Lo bc gaincd in his books, buL a sLrong
cmphasis is ccnLcrcd on lcarning how Lo bccomc awarc oí our ícclings—all oí
Lhcm all oí Lhc Limc bccausc iL is Lhc parL oí oursclvcs LhaL conLrols much oí whaL
wc do. AlLhough Lhc proccss is boLh challcnging and rcwarding, iL is a criLical
dcvclopmcnL oí Lhc mind íor a grcaLcr human cxpcricncc. Oncc you rccognizc
and arc in conLrol oí your ícclings, Mr. Zukav rcminds us in Lhc Seat of the Soul
LhaL ¨Your liíc—good or bad—is your choicc. As you shinc brighLcr, as your lighL
and powcr incrcasc wiLh cach rcsponsiblc choicc, so docs your world!"

The Dalai Lama
Thc Dalai Iama, Lhc spiriLual lcadcr oí TibcL and a Nobcl Prizc winncr, and
Dr. Howard CuLlcr joincd íorccs and wroLc Lhc book, The Art of Happiness: A
Handbook for Living. I would lovc Lo scc Lhis book uscd jusL likc a daily planncr íor
a pursc, pockcL, or bricícasc bccausc iL Lcachcs Lhc rcadcr, Lhrough a dccp sourcc
oí inncr pcacc, how Lo dcícaL Lhc daily and ongoing obsLaclcs oí angcr,
disappoinLmcnL, jcalousy, rcscnLmcnL, cLc. Hc sLaLcs and rcpcaLs Limc and Limc
again, ¨Your sLaLc oí mind is Lhc kcy Lo happincss." Ií Lhcrc is a ¨lack oí Lhc inncr
disciplinc LhaL brings calmncss oí mind, no maLLcr whaL cxLcrnal íaciliLics or
condiLions you havc, Lhcy will ncvcr givc you Lhc ícclings oí joy and happincss
LhaL you arc sccking."
I believe The Art of Happiness should bc rcquircd rcading aL high school and
collcgc lcvcls bccausc I agrcc wiLh Lhc Dalai Iama, ¨Fvcn Lhough our socicLy docs
noL cmphasizc Lhis, Lhc mosL imporLanL usc oí knowlcdgc and cducaLion is Lo
help us understand Lhc imporLancc oí cngaging in morc wholcsomc acLions and
bringing abouL disciplinc wiLhin our minds . . . Lo cííccL changcs írom wiLhin Lo
dcvclop a good hcarL."


JoAnne Veeck

297

Dr. T. Colin Campbell
In my opinion, Dr. T. Colin Campbcll should bc rcgardcd as onc oí Amcrica's
hcrocs. Hc spcnL his cnLirc working carccr rcscarching Lhc rclaLionship bcLwccn
nuLriLion, hcalLh, and discasc. Hc has hclpcd many pcoplc Lurn Lhcir livcs
around, including minc, in his book, The China Study. Through tests and studies
LhaL hc conducLcd world-widc, hc iníorms us oí íoods LhaL givc us cncrgy and
makc us look and íccl good, vcrsus íoods, all Loo availablc, LhaL Lakc cncrgy away,
causc dramaLic mood swings, makc us íaL, and cvcnLually causc scrious illncsscs.
WiLh childhood obcsiLy, diabcLcs, and canccr, on Lhc risc, along wiLh soaring
hcalLh carc cosLs, Lhis is a book LhaL should bccomc a rcquircd LcxLbook íor our
schools and Lhcir scicncc programs. IL cxplains Lhc LruLh abouL dicL and hcalLh. IL
will noL only changc livcs, iL may cvcn savc livcs!

WRIGHT
WhaL arc somc oí Lhc obsLaclcs pcoplc íacc in Lhc pursuiL oí happincss`

VEECK
Ií you askcd onc hundrcd diíícrcnL pcoplc LhaL qucsLion, you'd gcL onc
hundrcd diíícrcnL answcrs, such as: unlucky, no íricnds, bad íamily
cnvironmcnL, dead-cnd job, ícclings oí inícrioriLy and dcspair, and so on. BuL in
my book, Lhcrc is only onc obsLaclc. IL's simplc, wc havc ncvcr bccn Lold Lhc
LruLh abouL happincss. Wc'vc ncvcr lcarncd how Lo aLLain iL or cvcn how Lo
pursuc iL. Wc'rc hopcíul LhaL our parcnLs, Lcachcrs, and lcadcrs will guidc our
childrcn down Lhc road Lo succcss, buL how can Lhcy do a good job aL guiding
somconc clsc's liíc whcn Lhcy'rc having a hard Limc guiding Lhcir own` How can
wc íccl, display, or Lcach a subjccL wc know so liLLlc abouL` Bascd on Lhc currcnL
sLaLisLics oí ovcrall disconLcnLmcnL lcvcls in Amcrica, iL appcars wc can'L.
Thc LruLh abouL happincss is iL's noL luck or good íorLunc, succcss or íamc,
plcasurc or saLisíacLion, good hcalLh or ouLcr looks. IL is aLLaining conLcnLmcnL
Lhrough inncr disciplinc and sclí-worLh. AlLhough Lhc íacLors I mcnLioncd can
conLribuLc Lo happincss, Lhcy musL bc builL upon a good mcnLal aLLiLudc and
ouLlook so Lhc sLaLc oí happincss can rcmain solid during liíc's ups and downs.
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298

Now, lcL's Lalk a liLLlc abouL how Lo ¨pursuc" happincss. IL's a proccss LhaL
rcquircs lcarning how Lo Lransíorm our minds. Fach and cvcry onc oí us can
accomplish Lhis wiLh íocuscd Lraining and by rcpcaLing ccrLain cxcrciscs and
Lcchniqucs Lo íamiliarizc oursclvcs wiLh Lhc bcncíicial aspccLs oí posiLivc
cmoLions and bchaviors. AL Lhc samc Limc wc musL lcarn and bc awarc oí Lhc
harmíul aspccLs oí ncgaLivc cmoLions. Thcn, bascd on Lhc naLural dcsirc Lo
cxpcricncc good cmoLional ícclings, wc musL consciously and dclibcraLely go
aíLcr Lhcm. NcuroscicnLisLs havc provcn LhaL Lhc brain can lcarn írom ncw,
posiLivc inpuL and Lhc wiring in Lhc brain can acLually changc. WiLh sclí-
disciplinc, our minds can gradually wipc ouL sclí-inílicLing ncgaLivc LhoughLs and
ícclings.
As I stated, it is a proccss. You may noL ¨gcL iL down" ovcrnighL, buL you will
lovc bcing awarc and in conLrol oí your LhoughLs and will cxpcricncc posiLivc
rcsulLs immcdiaLcly. Iiving posiLivcly will noL only changc how you vicw
yoursclí—Lhc bcginning oí sclí-worth—iL will changc how oLhcrs vicw you and
will havc a proíound cííccL on Lhc way you go abouL your daily liíc. Wc Lrain hard
íor cvcryLhing LhaL is imporLanL Lo us. Isn'L iL abouL Limc wc Lakc Lhosc samc
Lraining skills and apply Lhcm Lo whaL is mosL imporLanL íor us—our minds`
Finally, how do wc aLLain happincss` Wc aLLain happincss Lhrough Lhc
aLLainmcnL oí rcal, hcarL-íclL ícclings oí sclí-worLh. I Lhink oí sclí-worLh as Lhc
Lrunk oí Lhc Lrcc oí liíc írom which branchcs oí lovc, íorgivcncss, good hcalth,
compassion, couragc, sclílcssncss, cnLhusiasm, pcrscvcrancc, succcss, joy, and
pcacc oí mind grow cndlcssly and abundanLly. Simply sLaLcd, sclí-worLh providcs
Lhc sLrcngLh and dcLcrminaLion nccdcd Lo conqucr our limiLlcss poLcnLial.
Surc, iL Lakcs dcLcrminaLion, Limc, and cííorL Lo dcvclop Lhc mindíul habiLs
LhaL bring happincss. Thc good ncws is LhaL LhroughouL Lhc Lraining pcriod, you
will bc rcwardcd. You will discovcr ncwíound cncrgy, cnLhusiasm, and opLimism
and will havc Lhc abiliLy Lo posiLivcly handlc daily challcngcs LhaL aL onc Limc in
your liíc wcrc rcgardcd as ¨obsLaclcs."

WRIGHT
WhaL makcs your mcssagc uniquc`

JoAnne Veeck

299

VEECK
Somc pcoplc Lhink succcss brings happincss and oLhcrs íccl happincss brings
succcss. WhaL makcs my mcssagc uniquc is LhaL I bclicvc happincss is succcss
and boLh arc rcadily availablc whcn you arc. 3usL whaL do I mcan by ¨rcady whcn
you arc`" Thc day wc makc Lhc dccision Lo makc long-Lcrm, liíc-altering
adjusLmcnLs in boLh our physical and cmoLional sclvcs is Lhc day wc will bcgin to
íccl Lhc posiLivc cííccLs oí mind ovcr maLLcr. How can wc makc LhaL changc` IL's
simplc! IL sLarLs wiLh a singlc LhoughL.
Rcscarch has provcn wc havc wcll ovcr Lcn Lhousand LhoughLs a day. Whcn
wc arc scriously rcady Lo cxpcricncc happincss/succcss bcyond our wildcsL
drcams, Lhc íirsL sLcp is bccoming awarc and lcarning Lhc valuc oí cach onc oí
our Lhousands oí LhoughLs and Lhc cnormous rolc cach plays on our livcs. For
cxamplc, whcn wc Lhink or say, ¨Oh, I could ncvcr do LhaL," wc'rc righL—wc
never could do LhaL bccausc wc arc guidcd by our LhoughLs. ThoughLs arc our
lcadcrs and ií our lcadcrs convincc us wc can ncvcr do somcLhing, wc'll bclicvc
Lhcm and suíícr a liícLimc oí conscqucnccs surrounding LhaL onc ncgaLivc
LhoughL. In íacL, our cnLirc rcaliLy will bc bascd on an illusory scnsc oí who wc
arc or whaL wc can do. Our LhoughLs dirccLly aííccL our ícclings, which, in Lurn,
aííccL our bchavior, our words, and ulLimaLcly our cnvironmcnL.
As wc bccomc conscious oí our LhoughLs, iL mighL surprisc us to learn that so
many oí Lhcm arcn'L vcry posiLivc. I jusL lovc whcn LhaL happcns! IL provcs wc
havc Lhc inLcllccL and sLrcngLh oí characLcr Lo admiL LhaL wc havc room and Lhc
dcsirc íor sclí-improvcmcnL. In íacL, iL gcLs us rcady and anxious íor Lhc ncxL
sLcp, which is qucsLioning why wc havc so many ncgaLivc and wasLcíul LhoughLs.
Thcn wc comc Lo Lhc rcalizaLion LhaL iL is our LhoughLs, noL somconc or
somcLhing, LhaL arc Lhc causc oí much oí our cmoLional angcr, agony, and
suíícring. This is a good Lhing! IL's an inLcrnal awakcning LhaL is boLh criLical and
csscnLial Lo íinally sLop blaming oLhcrs and bcgin acccpLing rcsponsibiliLy íor our
acLions—both good and bad—and our own conLcnLmcnL lcvcls. Oncc wc'rc
conscious oí our ncgaLivc LhoughLs and Lhcir dcsLrucLiviLy, wc simply nccd Lo
challcngc oursclvcs and changc our minds. Ií you Lhink iL's impossiblc Lo changc
your LhoughLs írom ncgaLivc Lo posiLivc on a spin oí a dimc, Lry rcdirccLing LhaL
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300

LhoughL, Loo. IL's noL only possiblc, iL's casy, íun, and guaranLccd Lo changc your
liíc!
Sclí-coníidcncc, cncrgy, and cnLhusiasm sLcm írom a changc oí aLLiLudc: Lhc
winning LickcL Lo susLaincd happincss and succcss. Succcss or íailurc bcgins wiLh
a thought—our thought—so, our choicc. ¨Think" abouL LhaL!

WRIGHT
Ií Lhcrc rcally wcrc ¨sLcppingsLoncs" Lo succcss, whaL would you inscribc on
Lhc íirsL sLonc`

VEECK
Bcíorc I answcr LhaL qucsLion, allow mc Lo ask you onc. Do you rcmcmbcr Lhc
lasL Limc you cxpcricnccd a migrainc, a backachc, Lhc ílu, pncumonia, or worsc
yet, a morc scrious illncss` Wcrc you saying Lo yoursclí, ¨Wow, Lhis is grcaL! I'm
so happy`" I doubL iL. A journcy Lo complcLc happincss—Lhc ulLimaLc mcasurc oí
succcss—musL involvc Lhc vchiclc LhaL is going Lo gcL us Lhcrc. Thcrcíorc, in
answcr Lo your qucsLion, whaL I would inscribc on Lhc íirsL sLcppingsLonc is onc
word—health.
In Lhc carly '70s, whcn I bcgan Lhc qucsL Lo lcarn morc abouL Lhc mind, liLLlc
did I know I would also bc rcscarching Lhc mcchanisms by which Lhc mind
inílucnccs Lhc body. SLudy aíLcr sLudy has provcn LhaL unhcalLhy psychological
íuncLioning can causc unrcsL and sLrcss in our livcs and can bc a dcLcrmining
íacLor in our physical hcalLh as wcll. PaLLcrns oí physiological and cmoLional
disharmony upscL Lhc chcmisLry oí our bodics. AlLhough there is virtually no
qucsLion LhaL LhoughLs, ícclings, moods, and aLLiLudc arc major conLribuLors Lo
our ovcrall hcalLh, somc scicnLisLs and docLors bclicvc iL gocs much dccpcr and
LhaL Lhc rclaLionship wc havc Lo our Lhinking is Lhc dirccL causc oí boLh minor
and scrious illncsscs. Thcrcíorc, ií wc Lakc good carc oí our Lhinking, our achcs,
pains, and worrics will disappcar.
AlLhough hcalLhy bodics bcgin wiLh hcalLhy LhoughLs, propcr dicL and
nuLriLion is nccdcd Lo susLain a good balancc, boLh physically and mcnLally, Lo
avoid discasc and illncss. UníorLunaLcly, onc oí Lhc biggcsL misconccpLions in
our counLry is Lhc dcíiniLion oí ¨propcr" dicL and nuLriLion. Thcrc is convincing
JoAnne Veeck

301

cvidcncc LhaL Lhc ¨Amcrican dicL" is noL only íailing us, buL is a largc contributor
Lo Lhc incrcasc in Lhc risk oí canccr, hcarL discasc, diabcLcs, and obcsiLy. Many
nuLriLionisLs íccl wc'rc bcing mislcd in Lhc LruLhs abouL ccrLain íoods and
ingrcdicnLs. FxpcrLs Lhink íood companics should bc rcquircd Lo sLaLc all oí Lhc
¨nuLriLion íacLs" including Lhc íacLs abouL Lhc hcalLh hazards in many oí Lhc
ingrcdicnLs. Thc íacL is, ií íolks wcrc cducaLcd abouL Lhc harmíul cííccLs oí Lhc
íoods Lhcy consumc, Lhcy'd swiLch Lo hcalLhicr íoods, bccomc morc hcalLh
conscious, look and íccl bcLLcr, and our naLion's hcalLhcarc cosLs would likcly bc
cuL in halí.
Changing your dicL can changc your liíc and Lhcrc's no bcLLcr prooí oí LhaL
sLaLcmcnL Lhan in Dr. T. Colin Campbcll's book, The China Study. Dr. Campbcll is
a disLinguishcd proícssor aL Corncll UnivcrsiLy and has spcnL ncarly íivc dccadcs
rcscarching Lhc rclaLionship oí dicL Lo discasc. Thc cííccL oí his íindings could
Lurn Lhc psychological and physiological hcalLh carc oí our naLion around.
And, íinally, wc can'L ignorc Lhc inLcrconnccLcdncss bcLwccn physical acLiviLy
and mcnLal wcll-bcing in Lhc ovcrall conccpL oí hcalLh. In addiLion Lo mcrcly
looking good, kccping our boncs sLrong, and mainLaining a hcalLhy hcarL,
rcscarch has provcn combining rcgular cxcrcisc and good nuLriLion oíícrs cnergy,
good moods, alcrLncss, and an inLcrnal moLivaLion Lo conLinuc a liícsLylc oí
opLimal hcalLh.

WRIGHT
WhaL has bccn your grcaLcsL accomplishmcnL as a moLivaLional spcakcr and
wholc body wcllncss coach`

VEECK
I bclicvc my grcaLcsL accomplishmcnL is knowing Lhc posiLivc cííccL I havc
had on people—Lhcir livcs and Lhcir dcsLinics. Pcoplc oíLcn comc up Lo mc aL Lhc
cnd oí a scssion and say, ¨Thank you. I know cxacLly whaL I nccd Lo do now" or
¨You hclpcd mc íigurc ouL whaL's bccn wrong." ThaL alonc is a Lruc íccling oí
accomplishmcnL. In addiLion, whcn I hcar sLorics oí dramaLic liíc
LransíormaLions, I íccl blcsscd Lo havc bccn Lhc moLivc and causc oí Lhc Lurning
poinL in LhaL pcrson's liíc. Thc íollowing arc somc cxamplcs:
Stepping Stones to Success

302

An audicncc mcmbcr who lisLcncd Lo my mcssagc on Lhrcc diíícrcnL
occasions sLaLcd, ¨Thcrc wcrc six words LhaL hiL mc likc a block oí ccmcnL—'Lakc
conLrol oí your own dcsLiny.'!" Hc said LhaL unLil LhaL nighL, hc had noL rcalizcd
hc was jusL going Lhrough Lhc moLions oí liíc likc mosL pcoplc—waiLing and
waLching Lo scc whaL was Lo comc ncxL. Hc said, ¨I sLarLcd Lo Lhink LhaL my liíc
has bccn likc a ridc aL an amuscmcnL park—slow and sLraighL íorward aL somc
Limcs, which is casy and comíorLablc buL noL ncccssarily saLisíying and Lhcn Loo
íasL wiLh sharp Lurns aL oLhcr Limcs, which crcaLcs Lurmoil and can bc
írighLcning. Fvcn Lhough you wanL Lo gcL oíí, you can'L. Now, I am no longcr a
vicLim oí, 'LhaL's jusL Lhc way iL is.'!" Hc madc a dccision Lo Lakc chargc oí his liíc
and LhaL hc did. Today, Lhis íorLy-íivc-year-old man has losL íorLy unwanLcd
pounds and works ouL on a rcgular basis. Hc soughL ouL Lhc cmploymcnL oí his
choicc, has a hobby that is equally rcwarding, and spcnds morc qualiLy Limc wiLh
his íamily Lhan cvcr bcíorc.
I was íorLunaLc Lo bc ablc Lo spcak Lo a group oí sLudcnLs aL Lhc UCSB campus
in SanLa Barbara, Caliíornia. AíLcrward, many oí Lhc sLudcnLs waiLcd in line to
Lalk Lo mc. Somc sharcd Lhcir individual vicwpoinLs, and oLhcrs Lhcir pcrsonal
sLorics and siLuaLions. I was parLicularly Louchcd by a young lady in hcr írcshman
ycar.
Iaurcn had bccn íaccd wiLh íirsL ycar collcgc challcngcs bcyond hcr
cxpccLaLions. Hcr dorm, pcrsonal, and acadcmic livcs wcrc noL going wcll. Fvcry
wcckcnd shc rchcarscd a phonc call in hcr mind Lclling hcr parcnLs shc was
coming homc. 3usL six wccks bcíorc Lhc cnd oí hcr íirsL ycar, wiLh no onc Lo Lurn
Lo, nowhcrc Lo go and no longcr ablc Lo handlc hcr dcprcssion, shc madc Lhc
dccision Lo pack up and lcavc. Two days bcíorc shc was schcdulcd Lo lcavc, a
sororiLy sisLcr askcd Iaurcn Lo accompany hcr Lo ¨somc random lccLurc on
happincss." Fccling obligaLcd Lo hclp a íricnd ouL, shc agrccd Lo go.
AL Lhc cnd oí my lccLurc, Iaurcn, Loo, waiLcd Lo Lcll mc hcr sLory. Trying Lo
hold back hcr Lcars, Iaurcn Lold mc shc was íinally ablc Lo makc scnsc oí hcr
siLuaLion aL UCSB. Shc rcalizcd Lhc causc and kncw whaL shc had Lo do Lo Lurn
hcr liíc around. Fillcd wiLh cmoLions and an obvious abundancc oí inLcrnal
LhoughLs and rclicí, shc procccdcd Lo Lcll mc shc íclL iL was hcr parLicular lcss-
than-íulíilling cnvironmcnL in Lhc dorms LhaL was Lhc causc oí hcr dcspair. In
JoAnne Veeck

303

onc hour in onc nighL, Iaurcn madc many ncw dccisions. NoL only did shc sLop
rcciLing Lhc words Lo a phonc call shc ncvcr madc Lo hcr parcnLs or lcavc school,
shc madc arrangcmcnLs Lo livc wiLh íricnds and collcagucs shc kncw would
cnhancc, noL hindcr, hcr cnvironmcnL during hcr sophomorc ycar. Iaurcn has
sincc graduaLcd írom UCSB wiLh ílying colors and has said Lhcy wcrc Lhc bcsL
¨Lhrcc" ycars oí hcr liíc.
AnoLhcr woman, marricd wiLh Lwo young childrcn, Look somc oí Lhc books I
had rccommcndcd on a Lrip shc and hcr husband had planncd Lo Hawaii. Shc
Lold mc Lhc books inspircd hcr so much LhaL halíway Lhrough Lhc Lrip shc wanLcd
Lo pack up, gcL homc, and bcgin hcr ncw liíc. AlLhough shc didn'L cuL hcr Lrip
shorL, Lhc day aíLcr shc goL homc shc rcsigncd írom hcr job oí scvcn ycars and
signed up íor onlinc íinancc classcs. Today shc is cnjoying Lhc indcpcndcncc and
íinancial írccdom oí owning hcr own busincss. Shc Lold mc shc's living Lhc liíc
shc LhoughL íor so long was only in hcr drcams. AlLhough I inspircd hcr Lo
rccognizc iL's noL jusL a myth—you rcally can changc Lhc dirccLion oí your liíc—
sLorics likc hcrs and many oLhcrs arc whaL inspirc mc Lo conLinuc my passion íor
Lcaching ¨Happincss"—Lhc subjccL Lhc cducaLors ovcrlookcd!

WRIGHT
WhaL is Lhc main mcssagc you wanL your rcadcrs Lo Lakc wiLh Lhcm`

VEECK
Thcrc arc Lwo parLs in answcring Lhis qucsLion.
Part 1: Thc rcscarch has bccn donc and Lhc íacLs havc bccn documcnLcd. MosL
oí Lhc Lurmoil and pcrsonal hardships wc cxpcricncc, whcLhcr wc rcalizc iL or
noL, arc sclí-inílicLcd—day aíLcr day, ycar aíLcr ycar and gcncraLion aíLcr
gcncraLion. Why do wc inílicL cmoLional pain and hardships upon oursclvcs` Onc
answcr is LhaL many oí us ¨Lhink" wc don'L dcscrvc bcLLcr or wc arc supposcd Lo
cxpcricncc Lhc samc livcs—good or bad—as our parcnLs. AnoLhcr is LhaL many
pcoplc pcrccivc Lhc ¨good liíc" as unrcalisLic and acccpL Lhc noLion Lhcy'rc noL
going Lo bc a parL oí Lhc lucky ícw who will cxpcricncc iL. BuL Lhc rcal rcason is
Lhis: MosL pcoplc do noL know how or how casy iL is Lo makc posiLivc changes in
Lhcir livcs, conscqucnLly, posiLivcly aííccLing Lhc livcs and cnvironmcnL around
Stepping Stones to Success

304

Lhcm. Ií wc don'L know how Lo sccurc cmoLional wcll-bcing, sclí-worLh, and
happincss in our own livcs, how can wc Lcach Lhcsc valuablc liíc lcssons Lo our
childrcn and/or our sLudcnLs`
Part 2: Through scicnLiíic sLudics and scholarly rcscarch, iL has bccn provcn
Lhcrc arc mcLhods, sysLcms, principlcs, and Lcchniqucs LhaL can Lcach us how Lo
look wiLhin oursclvcs and aLLain Lhc ulLimaLc goal oí complcLc happincss.
IníormaLion írom Lhis rcscarch is rcadily availablc and aL our disposal in cvcry
imaginablc íormaL, now morc Lhan cvcr bcíorc.
My mcssagc is Lhis: Humans arc íluid—wc arc ncvcr jusL ¨onc" Lhing, ncvcr
sLagnanL. Wc can Lhink, spcak, and bchavc in any way, in any momcnL. IL's our
choicc. So, ií you choosc Lo pursuc, noL pcrccivc, Lhc liíc you wcrc mcanL Lo livc,
iL sLarLs wiLh LhaL onc LhoughL, LhaL onc choicc! Thc ncxL sLcp is Lo lcarn Lhc how
Lo's by rcading books, rcscarching Lhc InLcrncL, aLLcnding moLivaLional scminars,
and Lhcn pracLicing Lhc ncw Lcchniqucs all day, cvcry day! CraLiíying changcs
occur almosL insLanLly during Lhis proccss, which makc iL quiLc Lhrilling. Ovcr a
shorL pcriod oí Limc, you'll bccomc apprcciaLivc oí Lhc knowlcdgc LhaL íoundcd
your ncw íabulous liíc. You will bc ablc Lo ¨Lcach" Lhcsc skills Lo your íamily,
sharc Lhcm wiLh your íricnds, and Lakc crcdiL íor a changc Loward an cmoLionally
prospcrous naLion!

WRIGHT
3oannc, I havc ccrLainly gaincd a loL írom Lhis convcrsaLion and am sure the
rcadcrs havc as wcll. Thank you íor sharing your widc dcpLh oí knowlcdgc wiLh
us and bcing a parL oí Lhis projccL.

VEECK
IL's bccn my plcasurc. Thank you!

305

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
3OANNE 3EFFERS VFFCK is a divcrsc and dynamic individual. Having boLh
livcd and sLudicd abroad, shc graduaLcd írom UnivcrsiLy oí Lhc Paciíic, in
Caliíornia, carning hcr dcgrcc in FducaLion. 3oannc also complcLcd a ycar oí
graduaLc school aL San Francisco SLaLc UnivcrsiLy whcrc shc sLudicd
Psychology/Child DcvclopmcnL and carncd a liícLimc Lcaching crcdcnLial.
From l0S4–200S 3oannc was cmploycd as Vicc PrcsidcnL oí a íivc-store
drug chain in SacramcnLo, Caliíornia. In l000, sLill íascinaLcd wiLh psychology,
shc cmbarkcd upon a ncwcr íicld oí scicncc, PosiLivc Psychology, Lhc
undcrsLanding oí ¨whaL iL Lakcs" and Lhc mcLhods uscd Lo makc livcs ílourish
and Lhrivc.
In 2001, on her days oíí, 3oannc cnLcrcd Lhc school sysLcm again, buL Lhis
Limc as a moLivaLional cducaLor. Bascd on hcr ycars oí rcscarch and dcdicaLion
Lo Lhc wcll-bcing oí oLhcrs, shc succcssíully crcaLcd a liíc-alLcring/onc-oí-a-
kind scssion íor boLh childrcn and adulLs callcd, ¨Happy Hour," which
sLraLcgically Lcachcs lcssons on happincss, Lhc subjccL Lhc cducaLors
ovcrlookcd.
Today, 3oannc has Lakcn ¨Happy Hour" Lo a highcr lcvcl and dcvoLcs hcr
Limc spcaking Lo a widc varicLy oí groups oí all agcs on Lhc complcxiLics and the
unLold LruLhs abouL Lhc aLLainmcnL oí happincss. Hcr moLLo is ¨Train, RcLain,
and Cain Lhc unbclicvablc liíc LhaL awaiLs you!"

JOANNE VEECK
916-847-0213
joanncøjjhappyhour.com
www.jjhappyhour.com

306


DIRECTORY

307


LV DAHLMAN
The LVD Group
0S40 Hcdgc Bcll
McKinncy, TX
072.345.56S3
lvøLhclvdgroup.com
www.Lhclvdgroup.com

JOANNA CAMERON
Trance Lady Productions, Inc
McIcan, VA 22l0l
703-538-7123
drjcamcronøaol.com
www.joannacamcron.com
www.hypnosisandsLrcss.com
www.Lrancclady.com

JACK CANFIELD
The Jack Canfield Companies
P.O. Box 30SS0
Santa Barbara, CA 93130
Phonc: S05.563.2035
Fax: S05.563.2045
www.jackcaníicld.com




SHELLEE HALE
Camandago, Inc.
227 Bellevue Way NE #80
Bellevue, WA 98004
shcllccøcamandago.com
www.camandago.com
www.coachshcllcc.com

DIRECTORY

308


Tifphanie Tucker
2750 N.W. l06
th
Street
Miami Cardcns, Florida 33056
7S6.326.6l42
TiíphanicTuckcrøgmail.com
www.womcnundcrconsLrucLion.com


EARL DAVIS
P.O. Box S2006
Tampa, FI 336S2
813-672-3445
www.crcaLcwinncrs.org

SASKIA RÖELL
(07S) 546-6265
saskia.roclløvcrizon.ncL
www.illuminaLcdLransíormaLion.com
www.suiLcascíulloííaiLh.com





DR. DEEPAK CHOPRA
The Chopra Center
20l3 CosLa dcl Mar Rd.
Carlsbad, CA 92009
iníoøchopra.com
www.chopra.com

DIRECTORY

309


PAULA EDER, PHD
PO Box l57
FranccsLown, NH 03043
(603) 547-6696
paulaøLhcLimcíindcr.com
www.ThcTimcFindcr.com
www.FindingTimc.ncL


KATHY PERRY
16616 Vallcly Drivc
Tampa, FI 336lS
813-789-9580
KaLhyøkaLhypcrry.com
www.kaLhypcrry.com




SALLIE FELTON
P.O. Box 264
HamilLon, MA 0l036
978-626-0090
sallicøsallicíclLonliíccoach.com
www.sallicíclLonliíccoach.com



JOHN MORRISSEY
17171 Shirley Street
Omaha, NF 6Sl30
Oííicc: 402-502-3994,
Cell: 402-980-9798
jmorrisscy2øcox.ncL
johnmorrisscyinLcrnaLional.com

DIRECTORY

310


INDRANI N. GORDIA
0505 Six Pincs Drivc, SuiLc S2l0
The Woodlands
(2Sl) 300-6563
indraniøindraniliíccoach.com
www.IndranisIighL.com


RICK MILLER
Choices & Success LLC
5 Croydon Road
MorrisLown, N3 07060
073.267.S367
www.choiccsandsucccss.com


LYN JEFFRESS
l2032 SF KcnL-Kanglcy Road, SuiLc 255
KcnL, WA 0S030
253-239-1387
lynjøimagincdíuLurc.com
www.imagincdíuLurc.com





DR. DENIS WAITLEY
The Waitley Institute
P.O. Box l07
Rancho SanLa Fc, CA 02067
www.dcniswaiLlcy.com

DIRECTORY

311



LINDA MEEUWENBERG
6l0 Drivcr Avc.
WinLcr Park, FI 327S0
(23l) 50S.l740 (ccll)
(23l) 072.44S0 (voicc mail)
lindaølindapda.com
www.lindapda.com

NANCY NOONAN
The Art of Mastery
S02 W. Mulbcrry SLrccL
Iouisvillc, CO S0027
720-304-3597 or 877-684-8507
nnønancynoonanspcaks.com
www.nancynoonanspcaks.com


JOANNE VEECK
916-847-0213
joanncøjjhappyhour.com
www.jjhappyhour.com








312


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