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January 2013

HERES TO 2013!!
Its a brand new year! But how much will change here on the North Coast? Probably not a lot. Power will be bad. Prices will go up. And every day will be a glorious challenge. But one thing is for sure - sights like these will be a daily occurrence!! Viva la Republica!!
Yennys Market Loase Resort/Sams Bar Catamaran Beach Bar Biekes Bar Happy Hippo El Carey Syls Place Taste Restaurant Las Rocas Restaurant Costambar Community Center & Library Supermercado Tropical Restaurant Chino The Meeting Place Puerto Plata Beach Resort Big Lees Beach Bar Ocean World Marina La Tasca Los Dos Los Tres Cocos

What To Do This Month Useful Telephone Numbers Classified Ads Costambar Cable Channel Listing The Rainy Day Page And Lots Of Other Fun Stuff!!

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blackboards for brunch and evening food specials during the week! Happy Hippo starts the New Year with live music with Retah B on Wednesday January 2nd starting at 2pm. Then Sunday January 13th at 3pm its Karaoke Jepols. And Saturday January 26th at 3pm is live music with Melky! Puerto Plata Beach Club, the newest community for foreign residents, offers all expats the opportunity to use their facilities. Or why not spend the day at their large swimming pool for only RD$200? They will also make their facilities available for activities such as playing cards, chess, BBQs, yoga or exercise classes, meetings or whatever else North Coast expats enjoy doing. They now offer a spa, bar and cafeteria for your enjoyment. Las Tasca Los Dos in Villas Cofresi is back again with all your favourite Austrian and International Specialties! Karaoke on Fridays at 8pm!! Syls Place has a great food special every day! Mondays - all things chili. Tuesday - soup and sandwich. Wednesday - varies. Friday - fish & chips/onion rings. Saturday - chicken dumpling stew. Sundays - beer butt chicken. All their great food can be delivered for free in Costambar! Every Thursday at 7:30pm they have Quiz Nite with a dinner special. And every Saturday its Karaoke and a dinner special! They also have satellite radio with some great oldies stations! El Carey Restaurant - Rancho Tipico is open with new owners Kevin & Patricia. They invite you to enjoy Dominican food inside, in their garden or under parasols on the beach. They also offer burgers and pizza. The house specialty is garlic shrimp and you should try Kevins Mama Juana and pia coladas! Theyve got lots happening this month. Every day from 7-8pm its Happy Hour with 2X1 cuba/santo libres! Every Friday at 6pm you can take Salsa lessons with professional dancer Carlos! And every Sunday at 2pm is Karaoke with party maker Segundo! They would be happy to host your next event. Taste Restaurant in Los Mangos Golf Club has a full International menu serving breakfast, lunch and dinner with many healthy options available.

Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to try something different. Fine dining at its best! Call 809-993-4503 for details. Sams Cafe at Loase Resort & Spa tempts you with Fish & Chips and Chicken Curry Specials and All Day Breakfast. They also offer a number of activities for your enjoyment. Join them Sunday February 3rd for Superbowl XLVII on their big screen TV!! At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach youll find great food at great prices enjoyed with a million dollar view! Every day they have Power Hour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. Enjoy your power hour with a fresh pizza slice for only RD$50 - starts daily from 6pm! They also hold a monthly Flea Market on the last Saturday of every month beginning at 10am. No cost to vendors! Restaurant Chino has the best Chinese food on the North Coast! Eat in or take out. Two locations - on the Malecon in Puerto Plata and calle Principal in Cabarete. The Meeting Place is back on winter hours and starting this seasons program on January 12th with a presentation at 3pm on Trujillo by Costambars own Raf Belliard. Then the Film Club presents First Position on January 19th at 6:30pm and Sugar on January 26th at 3pm. Looking forward to the next month there will be an Open Forum about the plans for the cruise ships coming to Maimon on February 2 at 3pm. Big Lees Beach Bar on the Malecon has great food deals at their Little Snack Shack! Amazing Fish & Chips, big juicy burgers and yummy sandwiches. Every Tuesday & Thursday enjoy a cuba/santo libre for only RD$50 or Jose Cuervo for only RD$100 and every Friday is Cheap Beer Day Presidente RD$90 & Bohemia RD$80!! Biekes Bar - the first bar in & the last bar out of Costambar! Drop by Saturdays for Costambars Best Burger! Sundays you can get a chili dog for RD$60 and throw some horseshoes! Check out the

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Happy Hour daily from 5-7pm with 2X1 cuba libres AND a free taste of their amazing sushi!! Las Rocas Restaurant has been newly renovated and reopened specializing in steaks and international fine food. They are offering 4 chances to see an exclusive live concert by Pascual Silva & Victoria - January 25th, February 8th, February 22nd and March 15th!! All shows start at 8pm. For reservations call 809-852-1015. Feeling lucky? Ocean World Casino offers free transportation and free drinks for players! Open 3pm to 3am. The official Grand Opening of the Costambar Community Center & Library will be held Sunday January 13th from 2-4pm!! It is located beside the farmacia.

CUBA/SANTA LIBRES RD$50


Made with Brugal Anejo or Blanco

Every Tuesday & Thursday

JOSE CUERV0 RD$100

CHEAP BEER DAY!!! Presidente RD$90 Bohemia RD$80


GREAT FOOD AT INEXPENSIVE PRICES!! KITCHEN OPEN NOON TO 8PM

Every Friday

Full RD$300 Half RD$200

COME FOR THE GREAT FOOD AT GREAT PRICES AND THE MILLION DOLLAR VIEW!

PIZZA SLICES ONLY RD$50!!!


DAILY STARTING AT 6PM

EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH FREE TO VENDORS! Starting at 10am

FLEA MARKET!!!

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they didn't like each other. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98. His wife had a closed casket at the funeral. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down. And I know he won't ask for directions."

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Restaurant Chino
Best Chinese Food On the North Coast! Two Great Locations! Eat In or Takeout!
Xiang Wan Jia Plaza Neptuno, Malecon, Puerto Plata 809-261-5609 Calle Principal, Cabarete 809-571-0385

I dont like to be the one to have to tell you this Sadie, but theres a rumour going around that your husband Max is chasing women. And him over 80! Yeah! So hes 82, so what? Let him chase girls. Dogs chase cars but when they catch one, can they drive it?!

LOS DOS
INTERNATIONAL & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES!!!
Every Friday starting at 8pm KARAOKE!!!

La Tasca

Villas Cofresi 809-815-6838


A yound Redneck came running into the store & said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

TENNIS
Villa Jasmin Court

English & Spanish spoken Group Doubles Very Reasonable Prices Childrens Groups
CALL ISAIAS 829-705-2913 OR YENSI 829-601-9472

Costambar Community Center & Library Open 9am-5pm Monday-Saturday Located next to the Farmacia (courtesy of Mark Gill) Separate English & foreign language book rooms

YOU ARE INVITED TO OUR GRAND OPENING!


Sunday January 13th 2pm to 4pm

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HES BACK AND HELL BE HERE SOON!!!


PASCUAL SILVA & VANESSA LIVE IN COSTAMBAR EXCLUSIVELY AT LAS ROCAS!!
Reservations 809-852-1015

FRIDAY JANUARY 25th FRIDAY FEBRUARY 8th FRIDAY FEBRUARY 22nd FRIDAY MARCH 15th

ALL SHOWS START AT 8PM


Las Rocas Restaurant Calle Anacaona, Costambar

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WELCOME TO KEVIN & PATRICIAS EL CAREY!


WE WISH YOU A VERY HAPPY & HEALTHY 2013!!
Happy Hour! 2X1 Cuba/Santo Libres With Brugal blanco or anejo Salsa classes by professional dancer Carlos

Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton. One smart-ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report. Titanic:..... $29.99 Clinton :..... $29.99 Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read Clinton :..... Over 3 hours to read Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Clinton :.... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Titanic:.... Jack is a starving artist. Clinton :..... Bill is a bullshit artist. Titanic:..... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar. Clinton :..... Ditto for Bill. Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined. Clinton :..... Ditto for Monica. Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit. Clinton :..... Let's not go there. Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry. Clinton :.....Monica' s forced to return her gifts. Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life. Clinton :..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack. Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen. Clinton :..... Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either. Titanic:.... Jack surrenders to an icy death. Clinton :..... Bill goes home to Hilary - basically the same thing.

EVERY DAY 7-8pm!

EVERY FRIDAY 6pm!

EVERY SUNDAY 2pm!


KARAOKE by party maker Segundo

CLOSED January 1st & 2nd


El Carey Restaurant - Rancho Tipico Also available for parties, weddings, etc.
Calle Reina Isabel, Costambar, Puerto Plata Spanish 809-918-1448 English 809-924-8233 CLOSED MONDAYS

INTERNATIONAL GOURMET CUISINE & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES

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OPEN FROM 12 NOON SATURDAYS BIEKE BURGERS!! SUNDAYS RD$60 CHILI DOGS & HORSESHOES CHECK OUR BOARD FOR BRUNCH & EVENING FOOD SPECIALS!

A couple was celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor. "Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one, the doctor. 'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift." "Not to worry," said the father. "The important thing is that we're all together today." Son number two, the lawyer, arrived and announced, "You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you." "It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come." Just then the daughter, the executive, arrived. "Hello and happy Anniversary! I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything." After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married." The three children gasped and all said, "You mean we're all bastards?" "Yep," said the father. "And cheap ones too."

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Open Tues-Sat 9am to 8:30pm Sundays 9am to 6pm CLOSED Mondays

JOIN US FOR SUPERBOWL XLVII!! SUNDAY FEBRUARY 3RD

Winter hours (as of January 3) Tuesday to Friday 11- 5:30 Saturday 11- 4

Racquetball, handball, wallyball, pool-billiards, All Day Breakfast Big Screen TV for sports, movies and concerts Fish & Chips * Chicken Curry Full Menu * Daily Specialty Smoking and non-smoking areas

Puerto Platas non-profit English Bookstore and Resource Center


A PREVIEW OF THE JANUARY 2013 PROGRAM
Saturday January 12, at 3:00 PM. RAF BELLIARD PRESENTS: The Trujillo era: A narrated slideshow of the 31 years of the bloodiest Caribbean dictatorship. Saturday January 19, at 6:30 PM. The Film Club presents: First Position (2011): A brilliant documentary about six young dancers in the months leading up to the top international ballet competition. Saturday January 26, at 3:00 PM. The Film Club presents: "Sugar" about young Dominicans who make it to play Pro baseball in the US. "An exceptionally-crafted film -part sports flick, part immigrant tale. Saturday February 2 at 3:00 pm. OPEN FORUM. An update on the planning for the cruise ships coming to Maimon. (More information to follow: MeetingplacePuertoPlata.com)

VILLA FOR RENT BY THE WEEK

Info@MeetingplacePuertoPlata.com 809-261-7393/829-455-6110 Juan Bosch (JFK) 60 (2 blocks NE of Central Park, Bus B)

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Golf Club Presents Our new restaurant !!


One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.' The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in .... I asked the trainer standing next to me, "What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?" The trainer looked me over and said, "I would recommend the ATM in the lobby."

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One day a frog by the name of Miles Jagger walks into a bank to apply for a one million dollar loan. He walks up to a lovely bank teller by the name of Patricia Whack and kindly asks for an application for a loan. After reading through the completed form, Patricia asks Miles Jagger if he has any collateral for such a big loan. "My father is Mick Jagger, why on earth would I need any collateral?". "Its company policy. Im sorry" says Patty. "Well all I have is this miniature sculpture I made when I was 10" he says. "I'm going to have to see the manager on this one" she replied. She walked up to the manager and says "Excuse me sir, there is a frog out there who says he is Mick Jaggers son, and wants a one million dollar loan and gave me this 'thing' as collateral. What is it?" she asked. The manager thought on it for a second and replied "It's a knick knack Patty whack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone!!!!"

809-848-9009

NEW ADVERTISING RATES

EVERY THURSDAY AT 7:30PM Starting January 3rd Quiz Night & Dinner Special!! EVERY SATURDAY from 6pm Karaoke & Dinner Special!!
MONDAYS! ALL THINGS CHILI! TUESDAYS SOUP AND SANDWICH WEDNESDAY VARIES FRIDAYS!!!! FISH & CHIPS/ONION RINGS!!! SATURDAYS! CHICKEN DUMPLING STEW! SUNDAYS BEER BUTT CHICKEN

After almost 3 years, we decided it was time to increase our advertising rates. Weve always strived to be the most economical place for our local businesses to advertise and even with the increase we still are. But with the rising cost of almost everything in this country we were losing ground rapidly. The rate increase insures that Costambar Monthly can continue.

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CONTRACTOR OF THE MONTH AWARD!

Its that age old question Which came first?


Sister Catherine and Sister Elizabeth are travelling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield. "Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?" "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Elizabeth. Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts. "Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican ," says Sister Elizabeth. Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine. "Show him your cross," says Sister Elizabeth. "Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine. She opens the window and shouts, "Hey you little jerk, get the f**k off the windshield!"

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JUST ARRIVED!
CLEAR FIBERGLASS 7 GALLON PROPANE CYLINDER TANK 24 TALL & 12 DIAMETER
Always know how much gas you have! Lighter than steel & rustproof!

ONLY RD$2500 CALL COLIN AT 809-449-1819

CHARTS AVAILABLE
Get your nautical charts of the Bahamas, Turks and Caicos Islands, Providenciales and Hispaniola From Rosa at Luperon Swap Meet Wendys Bar in Luperon Ocean World Marina in Cofresi

BOAT NAME OF THE MONTH!

If you have difficulty call Colin at 809-449-1819

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SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 13
SUDOKU PUZZLES Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column and quadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

RESTAURANT
Find and circle all of the words that are hidden in the grid. The remaining letters spell a hidden message

APERITIF APPETIZER BILL BUSBOY CASHIER CHAIRS CHEF COFFEE COOKS

CUPS CUSTOMER DESSERT DISHWASHERS DRINKS ENTREE FORK GLASSES KNIFE

MANAGER MEAL MENU NAPKINS ORDER PLATES SALAD SAUCERS SERVERS

SPOON TABLECLOTH TABLES TEA TIP WAITER WAITRESS WATER WINE

Across 1. Of general appeal 5. Excel 6. Ring-shaped 7. Misprint Down 1. Section of text 2. Spouse 3. Pamphlet 4. Dais

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12 22 28 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 40 42 43 44 46 49

CNN FOX ABC NBC CBS KIDS TBS CNBC ESPN-1 WGN CDN TNT USA ESPN-2 DISCOVERY DISNEY HBO SPORT BOOMERANG

51 56 57 64 66

CINE SPEED

CANAL

ANIMAL PLANET SCI-FI FOOD 69 DISCOVERY

70 71 72 74 79 80 81 83 84 85

WEATHER CINEMAX SHOWTIME STARZ NASA JETIX CARTOON TNT LA HISTORY THE FILM ZONE

LOCAL SUSTAINABILITY & ENVIRONMENTAL INITIATIVE


809-320-8510 809-320-8840 809-970-7877 809-970-7015 809-220-1111 809-261-1844 809-586-9823 809-970-7318 809-586-5761 809-586-4244 809-586-4204 809-586-6995 809-320-7601 809-586-2342 809-586-2519 809-970-7607
PROJECTS INCLUDE: Organic Farming Aquaponics Fish Farming (with ISA University) Community Cacao Nursery (with IDIAF) Conservation The overall mission is to teach healthy, cost-effective alternatives which are environmentally sound. Willard Taylor, who established this model farm, has a background in psychology, human rights and service and international missionary work. Donations of funds and materials to help and expand this initiative are greatly appreciated. For more info email biodivomar@gmail.com or call 829-663-3815 Willard invites all calls, emails, visits or forms of investigation into his project.

Police Office Police Car APC Office APC Gate Security Codetel Edenorte - emergency Edenorte - office Costambar Taxi Stand Canada Britain U.S.A. German Italian Clinica Bournigal Clinica Brugal Los Tropicos Pharmacy

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There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband... for example... A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters the kitchen, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. "Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?

WANT TO CHANGE SOMETHING IN YOUR LIFE? RAMILIFE PROGRAM WAY TO INNER HAPPINESS & HEALTH
Info: 809-710-1221 www.ramilife.com
(read the guestbook)

BEGINNER

INTERMEDIA TE

HIDDEN MESSAGE
Reservation

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'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.' The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' 'Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?' 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.' 'Was it Cathy Piriano?' 'My lips are sealed.' 'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.' The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.' Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' 'Four months vacation and five good leads...'

RD$1230 Includes Dental RD$1480 with Drugs (January payment with deposits RD$1780/RD$2060)

Aquacero, Malecon, Puerto Plata 5pm Biekes Bar, Costambar 6:30pm Or call Petra & Marcel Bahr 1-809-885-2155

Massage: Relax, Reduction, Deep Tissue, Facial Massage, Reflexology, Acupressure, & Hot Stone Physical Therapy, Paraffin Treatment & Lymphatic Drainage Manicure & Pedicure: Regular & Intensive Braids & Hair Extensions & Mens Haircuts Facials, Waxing , Peeling, Hydration & Nurse Services Natural Health & Beauty Products
ASK ABOUT OUR SPECIALS. Open Mon-Sat from 9:00am / Sundays by appointment Service to the home. Transportation available. #14 Penon St, Costambar Tel: 809-970-7522 Cell: 809-993-2944

During a weekly church meeting, a friend of mine was scheduled to read a list of people who had asked to be included in the congregation's prayers. Since another church member, Bonnie, had mentioned that she and her husband were struggling with a big decision on whether they should become missionaries, my friend offered to include them on the prayer list. So at the meeting, my friend announced in front of the whole congregation, "Let's all pray that Bonnie and Lee can make a decision about the missionary position."

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OPEN DAILY (INCLUDING HOLIDAYS) Mon-Sat 8am-10pm Sundays 8am-8pm Everything you need from snacks to supper! Delivery Service Available! Calle Principal, Costambar (just inside the gate) 809-970-3028
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabbylooking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my purse, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?' 'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me. 'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked. 'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.' 'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked. 'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman.. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!' 'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.' The homeless woman was shocked .. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting...' I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples: : They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. : These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons. : Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated. : Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt. : These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water. : Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on. : Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people. : Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom. : Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around. : Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.

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BASIC PROPERTY SERVICES COSTAMBAR


Experienced Dependable Trustworthy Plumbing, Electrical, Roofing, Painting & General Maintenance US Quality at Reasonable Rates

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head." "Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "

FOR A FREE ESTIMATE CALL JEREMIAH AT 829-397-2772


A while ago a new supermarket opened in Puerto Plata. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay. In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal-grilled steaks with onions. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh-baked bread and cookies. I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

DO YOU NEED A GOOD MECHANIC?


Call Ito
829-563-1878 or 829-540-6622 (for English 809-464-7898)
SERVICE DONE AT YOUR HOME! ALL GENERAL REPAIRS & MAINTENANCE!

Ann Jaggard
Interior Design
Made to Measure Curtains Patio Furniture Recovery & much more Free Estimates Quick Return

annjaggard@hotmail.com

809-712-4911

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SOUND RENTAL

Karaoke Tropical
For Any Event Of Your Choice With Animation in English, Spanish, German and French Lyrics in 7 Languages International Music, Videos and DVDs

809-204-4172 Email dj.marilyne_karaoke_tropical@hotmail.com

YOU KNOW YOUVE LIVED HERE TOO LONG WHEN EVERY CEREAL IS NOW..

Ray feared his wife Sandra wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. 'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 12 meters away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 9 meters, then 6 meters, and so on until you get a response. That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 12 meters away, let's see what happens. Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' No response. So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 9 meters from his wife and repeats, 'Sandra, what's for dinner?' Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 6 meters from his wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again he gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 3 meters away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. 'Sandra, what's for dinner?' 'For heavens sake, Ray, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'

ENGLISH CLASSES
Costambar & Cofresi Children & Adults Taught in your own home Reasonable rates Canadian with teaching experience in private school system, Puerto Plata 809-970-7123 or 1-809-654-7165

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VIVERO MAIMON
GREEN THUMB
Landscaping and Gardening Maintenance Services
Palms, Flowering and Foliage Plants BEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST!!!
George Roesch 809-543-8041
OPEN Monday to Friday 8am-5pm Saturday 8am-noon

Km 11 Carretera PP-Imbert Just past The Fish Places

Costambar Monthly page 21 LIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FOR GREAT DEALS? OR USING THEM TO GET RID OF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THEN WHY NOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBARS FLEA MARKET AT THE CATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TO VENDORS!! Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only be placed by emailing costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca Or calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820 PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items. Commercial properties or enterprises (including real estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds will usually be run for one month only unless we are otherwise notified.

CLASSIFIEDS
FOR SALE Ford F-150 V-8 4.6l runs on gasoline but has gas installed, year '98, engine 2007, very well taken care of by owner!! Also known as "the big yellow monster" $13,000usd obo!! Call Vik 829 864 9420 FOR SALE Skoda, 2000, well-running small car. Various tools and equipment including small compressor, and water pressure cleaning machine. Call cel 809-451-5379 FOR SALE Honda CRV 2000 for RD$255,000 Diane & Victor Call 809 261 3795 FOR SALE Laptop, Dell Vostro 1510, 15.6, core duo 1.8ghz, ram 2.00gb, HDD 160 GO RD$12,000 Call 829-705-0044 FOR SALE kitchen mixer, two bowls, mixing blades and dough hooks, built in weigh scale $1500RD Electric knife, Black & Decker, never used $600RD Small GE microwave oven $1500RD 809-970-7123 or 1-809-6547165 (English only) FOR SALE 1991 Ford Escort, Automatic, 4 door hatchback, runs well, good on gas. Original Marticula, 809-543-0728, iaminthedr@hotmail.com FOR SALE Due to closure various motorcycle and scooter parts to sell. Whole inventory at cost is $400,000. pesos. Now selling for $200,000. pesos. Please call Rachel cel: 829-324-3204 FOR SALE TENDER: 2007 Caribe 11ft hard bottom inflatable with 2007 25hp Yamaha 2-stroke (recent tune up starts ease & runs good). Great run-around boat! Asking $4,600 u.s.d. Ph.# 829-902-1234 FOR SALE Generator HONDA 3KW. 1.5 years old. RD$28,000 Whirlpool semi prof. electronic gas stove, 1.5 years old, RD$15,000 Chevrolet Cobalt LS 2006, Gray, imported July/2012 RD$240,000 Reason: leaving the country. cowboy-fred@hotmail.com 809 751 5246 FOR SALE Assorted packaging materials. Cheap. Call 809-244-4432

IGLESIA FILIPOS PRESBITERIANA invites you to services every Sunday at 10 A.M. Worships are in Spanish. Children activities. Before Costambar Gate Security, turn on the right side toward the power plant, 100 meters on the right side.

Costambar Monthly page 22

Large, Luxuriously Furnished House For Sale or Rent Panoramic Ocean View from Perfect Distance and Altitude

TRITON I APARTMENT FOR SALE


One of the best views of the beach in Costambar! First floor 2bdrm, 2bath New windows and a new porch

Call 809-868-0273
Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking & appear to require a hip replacement. The 1st patient is examined within the hour, is xrayed the same day & has a time booked for surgery the following week. The 2nd sees his family doctor. After waiting a week for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week, & finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 weeks from then. Why the different treatment for the 2 patients? The 1st is a Golden Retriever. The 2nd is a Senior Citizen.

Was USD 235,000, Now 195,000.


Call owner (809) 399-4187 for 9 page document with description and photos, or e-mail ambercoast@codetel.net.do Happiest, breezy and private living assured and apartment income possible A preacher was standing at the pulpit giving his Sunday sermon when a note was passed to him. The only word written on the sheet was IDIOT. Looking up at the congregation, the preacher smiled and said: I have heard of men who write a letter and forget to sign their name but this is the first time Ive seen a man sign his name and forget to write the letter.

FOR SALE
Renovated 3 bedroom 3 bath contemporary ranch w/screened front patio area. 2 studio rentals. Spacious open living and dining areas. Master bedroom with 2 wall to wall closets. Mechanically updated with inverter (8 battery system), 2 separate electric meters, well and more. Stone front patio plus a very private and tranquil garden area.

www.CaonaboEnterprises.com
Your new life In the Dominican Republic STARTS HERE
We build houses, we rent houses, we sell houses! Check out our extensive listings and give us a call. for English, call Mike @809 571-1741 for Spanish, call Sofia @829 421-8575 for German/French, call Francisco @829 421-8579

US$265,000
Contact Annette 8098690054

Costambar Monthly page 23

POLINATURA SHOP POLIPLAZA PUERTO PLATA


In front of the free zone Puerto Plata-Santiago highway

#1 STORE FOR NATURAL PRODUCTS, VITAMINS & MINERALS, HERBS AND HONEY
*Antioxidant/Anti-Inflammatory Omega 3.6.7 & Omega 3,6,9 formula *Prostate & Colon Cleanser *Beauty from the inside out! Super Collagen 1&3 for structural support of hair, skin, nails, tendons, ligaments, bones, muscles & weight control *Anti-aging - CoQ10 Ubiquinol , Collagen 1&2 (redefining the aging process) in a honey base *DHEA 5,10,25&50mg *Melatonin 1,2&3mg *Premium honey, bee pollen, propolis, royal jelly fresh & powder *Bone & joint health - Glucosamine and MSM *Hyaluronic acid*Boswellia*Chondroitin*Celadrin *Viagra natural for men & women *Sport Nutrition - high performance muscle mass Creatine 3.56lb and Super Advanced Whey Protein 2lb and much more *Sulphur (MSM) - the mineral that helps fight fatigue, stress, pain, cancer, wrinkles, muscle cramps, supports joints, cartilage, tendons, ligaments, skin & nails. Neutralizes inflammation and is a super antioxidant (1000 & 1500 mg)

809-465-4946/809-979-3116

Costambar Monthly page 24

Feel the Breeze - Feel Freeand Safe


Our Best Offer

Puerto Plata Beach Club


Acceptance fee of US$225 - 6 months prepaid: US$1350 - next 6 months US$225 per month - no A/C, furniture available - penthouse apt. with cathedral ceilings US$229 - offer valid until March 31, 2013

Come Be Part of a New Community for Foreign Residents!

Monthly Payment Option


Apartments available from US$299 per month Luxury Ocean View apartments from US$400US-$1100 per month - furnished or bring your own - with or without A/C

Hotel Rooms from US$69 per room per night 24 hour electricity and security 50% discount for residents family and friends

A ONE OF A KIND LIFESTYLE On The Malecon in Puerto Plata Bar - Spa - Cafeteria

809-586-4243 www.puertoplatabeachclub.com Email ppbeachclub@gmail.com Twitter: @ppbeachclub Facebook: Ptoplabeachclub Apartments