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Assertiveness Questionnaire 1

Assertiveness Questionnaire Indicate whether the statement is characteristic of you by circling True or False. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I often postpone asking people to do things for me. I often get my way when debating with others. I usually keep it to myself when someone annoys me. I feel guilty when I raise my voice or speak forcefully. I generally have no difficulty saying no to people. I speak up for myself only when I get upset. I try hard to please others, even putting their needs before mine. I often apologize when opposing someone. I usually don't let people get away with doing stupid things. I typically defer to the views of others. True True True True True True True True True True False False False False False False False False False False

Source: McCrimmon, M. 2004. Assertiveness Questionnaire. Self Renewal Group. Retrieved February 4, 2008 from http://www.leadersdirect.com/areyouassertive.html

Assertiveness Questionnaire 2
Scoring Guide to Assertiveness Questionnaire 1The right answer was False.I often postpone asking people to do things for me. Too much F thinking is anxiety producing, especially if you are self-critical. It depends what sort of spin you put on your request. If you sound like you aren't worthy of the slightest favor and you sound like you are really putting the other person out, no one will be motivated to help you. However, a little flattery goes a long way - like ''You are an expert in this. Can you show me how?'' Or, ''If you help me with X, I will help you with Y.'' However you position the request you must make them want to do it and don't wait as you will only make it worse for yourself. What have you got to lose? 2The right answer was True.I often get my way when debating with others. If you always T back down, maybe you expect to lose. Why not try expecting to win some debates. Try focusing on what is in it for the other person, rather than arguing why you want it. Try agreeing with something the other person is saying to defuse conflict. Let them win a minor point in exchange for you winning something important. Help them save face so they don't feel like they have lost. Make it ''win-win'' rather than win-lose. 3The right answer was False.I usually keep it to myself when someone annoys me. Direct F confrontation is not easy, but can you get your point across less directly? Try asking questions, such as: ''How would you feel if I said that to you?'', or ''What made you lose your temper?'' , ''How might you have controlled it better?'', ''Does it really make you feel better to act like that?'' ''What sort of impression do you think you are making?'' Or an even softer approach: ''Tell me what I did to make you so angry?'' ''Was it really that bad to make you lose your temper so violently?'' Or: ''You have made a good case for your view. What do you see as its downside?'' 4The right answer was False.I feel guilty when I raise my voice or speak forcefully. To an F unassertive person, when they use the slightest force, it feels to them like an explosion, but to others it often seems just normal. You feel you have lost your cool, while others see you as just speaking your mind. Practice asserting yourself in a less confrontational way. Asking questions, rather than making statements is a good half-way house. 5The right answer was True.I generally have no difficulty saying no to people. If you hate T saying no, find a less categorical way of replying. Try saying ''Let me see how I can best help you.'' Then proceed to offer suggestions on how they could do it themselves or recommend someone else to do it. In other words help them with advice rather than doing it yourself. Or, stress how important their request is and to do it justice will take so much time and you will not be able to do it properly for a few weeks. Or bargain: ask them to do something for you in exchange. 6The right answer was False.I speak up for myself only when I get upset. Speaking up only F when upset will incline you to get upset every time you assert yourself as you will associate the two feelings. Find less confrontational ways of speaking up for yourself. Avoid personal attacks and placing blame. Ask questions and focus on the future: ''How could we approach this differently next time.'' Use ''we'' language to avoid pointing the finger too exclusively on the other person. Try saying what you liked about what the other person did before dealing with what you didn't like. Say ''I liked A, B and C, but I don't understand your thinking behind D.'' Here you are just asking them to explain without directly saying that they got D wrong. 7The right answer was False.I try hard to please others, even putting their needs before F mine. It's OK to please others so long as you are not totally self-sacrificing. Can you

Assertiveness Questionnaire 3
convince yourself that your needs are just as worthy of consideration as theirs. People don't mind equality. In fact, you run the risk of annoying people by never accepting anything from them in return. Focus instead on fair exchange. Bargain with people or just ensure that you see favours as I.O.U.'s and don't be afraid to collect them when you need them. Most people, if they have a sense of justice like to repay their debts to show their gratitude. Don't deprive them of this pleasure. 8The right answer was False.I often apologize when opposing someone. So long as you are F being reasonable, there is no reason to apologize. Make it seem fair by stressing what you agree with or like about their idea instead of only focusing on areas of disagreement. If you help them save face and maintain self esteem, so it feels win-win, then you don't have to feel bad for getting your fair share of the bargain. Also stress the benefits of your view for them - again, this helps reduce the gap between you and makes it feel less like a win-lose outcome. 9The right answer was True.I usually don't let people get away with doing stupid things. T You don't have to jump on people for every little mistake, but you should bring really negative actions to their attention. The easiest way is to ask them questions that will gently help them see the error of their ways. Try to minimize confrontation by saying some positive things about what they did or about their intentions, i.e. ''I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt her when you said X, but how do you think she felt?'' Or, focusing on the future rather than the past: ''How might you handle such a situation next time?'' 10The right answer was False.I typically defer to the views of others. If you think someone F has got it wrong, you don't have to throw it in their face to be assertive. Try saying you agree with x, y and z but don't understand some other aspect. Ask them how their approach would work if a, b or c obstacles came up. By asking questions in a supportive manner, as if you were seeking their advice rather than making them feel stupid, you can help them see the light without generating an emotional scene.

Source: McCrimmon, M. 2004. Assertiveness Questionnaire. Self Renewal Group. Retrieved February 4, 2008 from http://www.leadersdirect.com/areyouassertive.html