Rabab Maher

Do I Dare?
My Unrelenting Pen
A ruthless gnawing in my mind,
As it tries to slash its way out,
Seething, my memories begin to rewind,
Fusing with my pen to inaudibly shout.

My pen longs to shed my silent words,
Although with no desire does it bleed,
To aid me with my inner dilemma,
Instead, wishes to pay me no heed.

Ignoring my silent pleas and sighs,
Watching me writhe in my own despair,
It chooses not to yield and rescue me,
With its generosity of ink for me to repair.

It shies away from me unashamed,
No longer departing with its ink,
To succumb to my implorations,
Leaving me in my own abyss to sink.

I feel deep within. . Do I fight for my own survival? For a better me. Torn apart with the incessant pain. for myself. I will deride. my being. Will I ever breathe in the beauty of dawn? Devoid of any emotions and feelings. With this solitude. Trapped in my own imaginings of distorts. Will I ever have the strength to sustain? Do I capitulate to my inner war? So forever. For choosing to melt into oblivion. When day yawns.I am now a pariah in my own skin. will I mourn? Divided in all my own confusions. Or do I dare let some light inside? Do I still go on with my journey? Even though I feel inept and forlorn. to be reborn. In my numb mind and my frozen heart. A prisoner of my deeds and thoughts. I no longer can depend on my words.

in the beauty of silence. Do I need others to verify my existence? Just so I can merely blend with the tide. To conquer my inner ongoing battles. To emancipate my inner self of all sin! How much heartbreak must I endure? Or am I destined for a life so arcane? Do I have to accede to the ways of the world? And submit to a life so banal and mundane! . And. What does it mean for me to survive? To wrestle with the individual within. and live on my persistence. Or do I need to fight for my own voice? To cling to my individuality and not hide. I need to be certain. To open my eyes.Do I dare break the silent rules? To overcome my sullen burden. Do I need to learn the untaught lessons? To embellish in the lost words of existence? To mesh with the silence of beauty. Do I dare grabble with my inner fiends? Of my convictions.

Thank you my unrelenting pen for your lesson. .Is it truly worth trying to “fit in”? Another nonentity with nothing to gain. And alone. I turn to Allah (SWT) to purify my core. 28th August 2012 Please visit WorDe3yne: White Cloud’s Breathings for more poetry. He is the first I will turn to for everything. To surmount all restraints and negativity. To rid myself of all stifling conflictions. my true self I furtively retain. heart and soul. All to acquire the approval of “others”. No longer will I depend solely on word after word. I now turn to Him for my voice to be heard. My genuine sanctuary is that of spirituality. My sole dependence is on The Most High. Into escapism I will dissolve no more. 12th January 2011 & Tuesday. NO! I will not acquiesce to the way of “others”. Wednesday. For a content mind.

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