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Student - Teacher Jokes

Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?" Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time." Teacher:&nbspHow old is ur father. Sunny:As old as I am. Teacher:How is it possible? Sunny:He became father only after I was born. Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age? Student:32 yrs. Teacher:How do you know? Student:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad. Teacher:Paul, what is the chemical formula of Water? Paul: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O Teacher: What is this? Paul: Well!! you said it is H2O. Student:(to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink. Teacher:Go run after it. Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class? Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down. Teacher: Where does God live? Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom. Teacher: Why do you say that? Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?' Teacher: "Anoop, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?" Anoop: "No, Miss." Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!" Pupil: “Sir, Would you mind e-mailing my exam results to my parents?” Teacher: “But your parents don’t have a computer.” Pupil: “Exactly!” A student to his Teacher: “ I haven’t got no pencil.” Teacher, correcting him: “ You don’t have any pencil. He doesn’t have any pencils. We don’t have any pencils.”Student, with a look of astonishment: “Where have all the pencils gone?” Teacher to Girl: “Why are you late? ” Girl: “I started late from home”. Teacher: “Why didn’t you start early? ” Girl: “By the time I woke up, it was too late to start early” Teacher to the Student: Why are you tearing up your homework copy? Student:To keep the elephants away. Teacher: But there are no elephants here. Student: See, how effective it is!!! Teacher: You weren't at school last Friday, Robert. I heard you were at the movie theatre. Robert:That's not true, sir. And I've got the tickets from the football game to prove it. Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I

made ugly faces I would stay like that." The student looked up and replied, "Well you can't say you weren't warned, Ms. Smith." Nigel: You said the school dentist would be painless, but he wasn't. Teacher: Did he hurt you? Nigel: No, but he screamed when I bit his finger. Two sisters came home from school crying their hearts out. "What's wrong?" asked their mother. First sister started wailing,"The kids at school make fun of my big feet." "There, there," soothed the mother. "Your feet aren't that big." She turned to the second sister. Now why are you crying?" "Because I've been invited to a ski party & I can't find my skis." "That's okay," said her mother, "you can borrow your sister's shoes." Teacher: How do you spell “CAT” Sameer: K.A.T Teacher: But dictionary spells it CAT Sameer: You asked me how I spell it? Teacher: A TEACHER ASKS A STUDENT" NAME 5 MILK PRODUCTS? Student:HE SAID"BUTTER , CHEESE , GHEE & 2 COWS. Teacher: Teacher(asks student)-wats ur father names ? student(replys teacher) -his name is BUTTER RED Teacher: teacher(with a surprised face)-wat ? student(replys) -yes maam his name is MAKHAN LAL !!!!! Teacher:Who was Raja Ram Mohan Roy ? Student:They all four were great friends Teacher:"What is your name?". Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai." Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english." Student:"My name is Sunlight." Teacher:how were the exams? Student:the questions were easy but the answeres were hard. Teacher:RAGHU,HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT THE EARTH IS ROUND. RAGHU:I NEVER SAID IT IS ROUND. Teacher:Ritu spell "Blind Bird" RITU:B,l,n,d B,r,d Teacher:Where are the two i's?? RITU:Teacher a blind bird doesn't have eyes! Teacher:????????? Once a techer said to the children:When I will ask you a question give the answer very fast. Teacher:What is the capital of India? Child:Very fast Teacher: WHAT HAPPEN TO GOLD IF EXPOSED IN AIR? RAMESH: IT IS STOLEN,SIR Rahul:Madam my paper is the neatest. Teacher:You haven't written anything. Rahul:That's why it is the neatest. Teacher:Rita,please stand up and answer this question.Why did the calf cross the road? Rita:I don't know ma'm.But I know someone who can answer this question.

Teacher:(astonished)Who? Rita:Very simple the calf Teacher:What is the capital of china Student:You Know Teacher:Yes Student:Then why are you asking Teacher"Who has read the 25th chapter?" (almost all the students raise their hands) Teacher"There is no 25th chapter in the book". Teacher:STUDENTS DRAW A PICTURE OF BACTERIA. Student:HERE IT IS MAM. Teacher:WHERE?IT IS BLANK. Student:YOU TOLD THAT BACTERIA CANNOT BE SEEN WITH NAKED EYE ! Teacher:ONCE TEACHER ASKED A CHILD 'WHERE IS THE HIMALAYAS " STUDENT SAID"I DONT KNOW." Student:THEN TEACHER ORDERED HIM TO STAND ON THE CHAIR" THEN STUDENT TOLD THE TEACHER INNOCENTLY "I STILL CAN'T SEE IT." Student: Can you tell me mam, why would a room go to a doctor? Teacher: You stupid! Anyway, what is the answer? Student: Very simple! Because it has always got window-pane! Question:What is the fullform of maths. Anwser:Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students Sir:How can you tell a hawk has good eye sight? Raj:Because I have never seen a hawk wearing spectacles Teacher: Now , Sam , Tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ? Student: No sir , I don't have to my mom is a good cook Teacher:What happened in 1869? Student:Gandhi ji was born. Teacher:What happened in 1873? Student:Gandhiji was four years old. Teacher:Ramya and Shilpa!,why are you late for school,today? Shilpa:Madam,I lost a one rupee coin and was searching for it. Teachear:Ramya,what about you? Ramya:Madam,,I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under my feet. Teacher: Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ? Student : BROTHERLY LOVE A teacher to a Parent: Teacher:Ma'm your son has cheated in his examinations. Parent:You can prove that I am sure Teacher:Well put it this way the first answer of your child's partner was yes. Parent:So that proves nothing . Teacher:But for the second question your son's partner wrote "i dont know" and your son wrote "neither do I" Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey with a stick and I stop him , what virtue would I be showing? Student : Brotherly love.

Once a teacher with her students went to visit a zoo. When the teacher saw the lion she told her students that the lion belonged to the cat family. A watchman heard her and told her that the lion belonged to the zoo not the cat family. Teacher:anu,can you name five things made up of milk? anu:butter,cheese,cream-----Teacher:yes,yes go on. anu:and two cows Teacher:Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August. Student:A holiday Which is the pan in which we cannot fry something?...... japan Teacher:Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it. Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it. Teacher:Why? Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!! Teacher:How can you prove it that birds have a sharp eyesight? Student:Teacher,because I have never seen a bird wearing spectacles Teacher:RAJU HOW WILL YOU DISTRIBUTE FIVE ORANGES EQUALLY TO EIGHT PEOPLE? RAJU:SIMPLE I WILL FIRST TAKE OUT THE JUICE POUR IT IN EIGHT GLASSES AND GIVE THEM Teacher(taking an oral test):OK James,tell me how many mangoes will it make if I had 5 mangoes and you give me 2 more? James:7, mam. Teacher:good, now tell me if I have 4 apples and I give you..... James: Sorry mam but I was absent when you taught the class word problems of apples and I forgot to copy it down from my friend. teacher-:what happened in 1889. student-:gandhi ji was born. Teacher:-what happened in 1892 Student:-ganghi ji was three year old.

” the dentist said. I beg of you." said the man.” “Well.Doctor Jokes Patient:Doctor. Doctor:"So remember to take the medicine exactly before you feel the pain". He went to him and said "If you stop begging I will pay you Rs 1000 per month". Don't talk rubbish! A dentist’s patient was grumbling about the fee. isn’t that good for mice? Patient: “How can I ever repay you for your kindness to me?” Doctor: “By cheque. My husband has given me a wonderful birthday present. money order.” Customer: When I bought this cat. "Your dog must be must be very intelligent. Doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage. or cash." said the headmaster.” she exclaimed. Doctor. “ Doctor:” Just come over here tomorrow. “ Doctor. if you wish." Assistant: Doctor the invisible man has come for his check up. you told me he was good for mice. "Not really. get me a new television" PATIENT:-DOCTOR I AM FEELING SEVER ITCHING. DOCTOR:-TAKE THIS SLIP TO THE MEDICAL SHOP PATIENT:-IF I USE THIS MEDICINE. Then you will soon be able to wear your wonderful new dress.” Lady to the doctor over the phone. and I can’t get into it.” Lady: “ Who said anything about a dress? I am talking of car. “Two hundred rupees for pulling out a tooth!."Doctor. DOCTOR:-I GAVE THIS FOR GROWING YOUR NAILS FOR SCRATCHING.GIVE ME A MEDICINE PLEASE. What can I do?" "Try to resist the temptation but if you can't. One day a man saw a beggar on the street.I feel so sick I want to die! Doctor: Don't worry. In reply the begger said "Come and beg with me and I will pay you Rs5000 per month A boy to the doctor. Doctor! My wooden leg is giving me a headache!" Doctor: "Why?" Man: "Because my wife keeps hitting me on the head with it. Doctor: Tell him I can't see him." .” Man: "Doctor. “I’ll it out slowly. Patient:Why does everyone ignore me? Doctor:Next Please!!!!!! Patient:"I want to live doctor when should I take the medicine". Doctor I have lost my memory.I CAN SOLVE THIS ITCHING. and I shall give you a prescription. Just leave that job to me. "Doctor I keep stealing things. "I've won three games out of four. He doesn’t go near them! Shopkeeper: Well." A man visited a headmaster who was playing chess with his dog. “And it’s only a minute’s work. please prescribe me something immediately to reduce my weight.

when I walk my legs are not joined . Patient:Doctor why are you holding a garland in your hand? Doctor:If the operation is successful. the doctor said it was from inhaling his own breath!!! PATIENT:Doctor. DOCTOR :Next please. Man:Doctor. FATHER-:A RIKSHAW Docter: what is your problem? Patient: I have only one Problem in my life. I WILL GIVE YOU A NEW CYCLE."my hair is falling .Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me. can you give me something for my baldness? . doctor."I am now in Agra.then the doctor said tha yes u can hve a polythin bag. I just forgot to give you the prescribed sleeping pills". Doctor. can you give me anything to keep it in ?" Doctor : "Yes. What is a definition of a doctor? A person who kills the problem in your body with pills and then kills you with his bills. Poor thing."When did this happen?" asked the doctor. Doctor my hair keeps falling out. SON -:DAD IF I GOT LESS MARKS IN CLASS WHAT WILL YOU GIVE ME.I get a sharp pain in my eye. Doctor after examining says-"You should walk for 4 km everyday".whenever I drink my coffee. Doctor :I don't understand your eyes are weak or your arithmatic? once. how much more should I walk?" Patient: Doctor.What should I do? Doctor:Just remove the spoon from your cup. that is .iwill wear it to myself or a failure i wear it for you Once a patient went to the Doctor and said. doctor:when did this happen? patient:when did what happen? Did you hear about the man who ate 106 cloves of garlic a day? He was taken to hospital in a coma. Doctor:tell me how many fingers are these? Patient:thirteen."When did what happen?" Patient:Doctor!Doctor!One of my eyes is different from the other! Doctor:Really.before an operation of a patient the doctor was holding a garland in his hands. Patient : "Doctor. here is a paper bag !" Nurse: "Wake up man" Patient: "Why what's the matter" Nurse: "Nothing. The boy said. After a month the doctor receives a call from the same patient saying. Man in Delhi:I have a severe foot ache. i see double Doctor:sit on the chair please Patient:which one patient:doctor.Can u give me anything to keep it in?" So.it is always one forwards and one backwards.i've lost my memory.which one FATHER TO SON-:SON IF YOU GOT GOOD MARKS.

then the doctor said tha yes u can hve a polythin bag. Patient : "Doctor.Can u give me anything to keep it in?" So. I just forgot to give you the prescribed sleeping pills". Once a patient went to the Doctor and said."my hair is falling . can you give me something for my baldness? How about a few pounds of pig manure? Will that cure my baldness? No. Once a patient went to the Doctor and said. I just forgot to give you the prescribed sleeping pills".Can u give me anything to keep it in?" So. What is a definition of a doctor? A person who kills the problem in your body with pills and then kills you with his bills.then the doctor said tha yes u can hve a polythin bag. Doctor. . Patient : "Doctor. Doctor my hair keeps falling out. What is a definition of a doctor? A person who kills the problem in your body with pills and then kills you with his bills. What is a definition of a doctor? A person who kills the problem in your body with pills and then kills you with his bills. can you give me anything to keep it in ?" Doctor : "Yes. Doctor my hair keeps falling out. but with that on your head no one will come near enough to notice you're bald. Doctor.How about a few pounds of pig manure? Will that cure my baldness? No. doctor.then the doctor said tha yes u can hve a polythin bag. but with that on your head no one will come near enough to notice you're bald. here is a paper bag !" Nurse: "Wake up man" Patient: "Why what's the matter" Nurse: "Nothing. can you give me something for my baldness? How about a few pounds of pig manure? Will that cure my baldness? No.Can u give me anything to keep it in?" So. doctor. Doctor. Patient : "Doctor. but with that on your head no one will come near enough to notice you're bald. Once a patient went to the Doctor and said. Doctor my hair keeps falling out. I just forgot to give you the prescribed sleeping pills"."my hair is falling . can you give me something for my baldness? How about a few pounds of pig manure? Will that cure my baldness? No. doctor. here is a paper bag !" Nurse: "Wake up man" Patient: "Why what's the matter" Nurse: "Nothing. here is a paper bag !" Nurse: "Wake up man" Patient: "Why what's the matter" Nurse: "Nothing. but with that on your head no one will come near enough to notice you're bald."my hair is falling . can you give me anything to keep it in ?" Doctor : "Yes. can you give me anything to keep it in ?" Doctor : "Yes.

man:what is the bad news? dentist:the bad news is that your teeth are so bad that i have to remove all your teeth John:"When my fingers heal.(doctor replied) Man:Which one?????? Lady over the phone:Doctor. Doctar: If you will not tell me. than the docter said ok speak nigt was dark the dogs were barking stars were twinkling.i say opposite.the docter said oh no one time one mans wife drinks petrol & then started running hear & there. John:"Great! I never could before!" How do you define a hospital? A hospital is a place where the nurses wake you up to give you sleeping pills.so his husband went running to doctor & said dr my wife has drink petrol & has startted running hear & theare so dr says that dont worry when the petrol will be empty she will stop running. Doctor: What happened! Patient: I will not tell u. A man to a doctor. contributed by akshay . Once the phone ring I picked the press up and said to the press. Father. Doctor:Please take a seat.ok!I was pressing clothes. Once a patient went to a doctor with a burnt ear. you'll laugh. I need to make sure no one identifies me if something goes wrong. Man:Doctor!!I have started seeing double.what can I do?My little boy has swallowed my pen? Doctor:Use a pencil till I come.Daddy why do you wear a mask in operation theater.Well son .will I be able to play the piano"? Doctor:"Of course". dentist checks his teeth and says dentist:there is a good news and a bad news man:what is the good news dentist:the good news is that your teeth are perfect .Son. hello!! once a patient comes and says that docter i cant say clearly whatever i say. then the boy said the stars were barking the dogs were dark and the night were twinkling. how will I give u medicine? Patient. Once a patient went to a dentist he charged the patient Rs5 after he took out the tooth he charged Rs25 when the patient asked the doctor the reason he said because of your scream the othe 4 patients ran away once a man went to a dentist.

"We've caught the fellow in the middle but we're still looking for the other two.Police Jokes Q)Why is our Delhi Police considered most efficient? Ans)Because they can tell of a robbery two days in advance.Sir. Lady:"i am in the middle of the road. no!". The set contained a front shot and two side shots. Policeman(to the watchman): Where were you when the labourer was kidnapped.He returns back. POLICEMAN:Why?Can't you take him home yourself. If no one claims it within three days .robber"may i get this hat far you sir". Man : Officer! There is bomb in my garden ! Officer :Don't worry . I've been trying to do that for years!" GIRL. said the man. stop . can you tell me how to get to the hospital"."said the officer . policeman:" just stay where you are and then you will get there anyway". "You'll get your chance in court." ralal caught a very dangerous robber and was about to put him in the car when his hat flew away." A police officer was escorting a prisoner to jail when his hat blew off. He says "I hadn't caught him but got his finger-prints.You also come here everyday. First police-man asks him whether he had caught the thief or not. Watchman: Sir. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. Watchman: I was on duty Policeman: Then why didn't you try to save him.ramlal"do you think i am a fool to let you go alone when there is no one else?you wait here ill go. no. "You stand here and I'll get it. The police sent a set of pictures of a wanted criminal to all stations within 100 kilometres. "No.you stay here i'll go get it. "Shall I run and get it for you?" asked the prisoner obligingly. "Do you think I am a fool" said the officer.even the brakes are not moving Q)Why is our Delhe Police considered most efficient? Ans)Because they can tell about a robbery two days in advance.your headlights are not working The Man:Move. Girl:Because I'm lost too." Once a one police-man told another that he should catch the thief. A week later they got a fax saying. move ." First police-man asks "where?" He says "on my face. my duty is to keep watch on the building & not on the men of the building Policeman:Stop. Police:[to robber]Are you not ashamed?You come to jail so often? Robber:[to police]Why should I be sir." said the desk sergeant. you can keep it." a police was escorting a prisoner to jial when his hat blew off "shall i run and get it for you"asked the prisoner obligingly " do you think i am a fool. A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.could you please take my brother home because he is lost.

Guard.Yes. Girl. .Why are you running here and there? Girl. Guard. The guard of the colony was looking at her. that's because I am not allowed to get out from my colony.Once a girl was running here and there.But you have been running here and there from a lot of time.I am running away from my house.

The counsellor again repeated the question.but we cannot see Bombay." Son: "Dad. somebody is going to get a spanking. he asked the younger brother: “Where is God?” The kid went blank. Kid . "I don't want to scare you.Ours only starts with petrol. At the counsellor’s place. but my daddy says if I don't get better grades." Raju: "Really .” Mom: “That’s nice of her to take such an interest in you. Teacher:What's the meaning of a school? Robin: A school is a place where father pays and the child plays! Raj:What is your baby brother name Raju:I dont know he can"t talk yet Girl: "What did you get that little medal for?" Boy: "For singing." Raju: "What sort of a car has your dad got?" Ajay: "I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T.because we can see moon. Teacher.So what did she say when you told her that you’re the only child. At this the kid cried and went to his older brother saying that they were in trouble because God was lost and they were being suspected for stealing him.Kid Jokes Teacher .I still cant see. why do you ask?" Son: "Because your head is growing through your hair!" A little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. If anything went wrong in a locality they were suspected.Madam!I don't know. Kid .I don’t know !!! Probably we must eat the soap." Q:WHAT IS THE NAME OF A CITY IN WHICH WE CANNOT ENTER? A:ELECTRICITY Teacher:Ramu.what is far moon or Bombay? Ramu:Bombay. There were two brothers. who were very naughty. Kids Naina: We should use soap to keep our body clean. teacher was asking me today. Jammu (J&K) Rajiv: Oh God! Please make Mumbai the capital of India Mother: But why son? Rajiv: Because that’s what I wrote in my test paper. if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school. are you getting taller?" Dad: "No. Son: “Mon. So one day their parents decided to take them to a counsellor. What should we do to keep our heart clean? Nancy. One day he tapped his teacher on the shoulder and said. my dear?” Son: “She just said… “Thank goodness!” ." Girl: "What did you get the big one for?" Boy: "For stopping. Sahib Aggarwal.Where is himalaya.Don't know? Stand on the desk.

"I am Napoleon!" Another one said. "Wake up. a young boy suddenly announced to his mother. why are you standing with you hands up?” Son: “Because you told me to revise everything I did in school today!” The child comes home from his first day at school. Girl: “What did you get that little medal for?” Boy: “For singing. He can fire an arrow.Father: “Son." Raj: "What did you get on your birthday?" Ravi: "A set of drums and it is the best present I have ever had." "Give me two reasons why I should go to school. the kids hate me for one. a lady went in to wake up her son. "God told me!" Just then. you're 52 years old. "Mom. and I figure it will be much more fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and listen. ma. The first one says: "Well.” Three boys were bragging how great their fathers were. And for another." the boy replied. I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up." "Well. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. One said to the other. "But what made you decide to be a minister?" "Well. and the teachers hate me." "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go. I sat next to the cleverest kid in the class. he gets there before the arrow". "Well. I have to go back tomorrow. son. and start to run.” Girl: “What did you get the big one for?” Boy: “For Stopping” MOTHER(TO SON):-YOU BEHAVED WELL IN BUS TODAY ." Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted. Come on now and get ready.” Early one morning. The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. My father is a civil servant. "How do you know?" The first inmate said. “What did you learn today?” The kid replies. He stops working at 4:30 and is home by 3:45!!" Ajay: "What position does your brother play in the school football team ?" Sanjeev: "I think he's one of the drawbacks !" Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil." the mother said. my father runs the fastest. 100 a week for not playing them. MOTHER:-WHERE DID YOU PUT IT THEN? . for one. too!" "Oh. "I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway. NITIN:-I DIDN'T MUM. that's no reason not to go to school. “Not enough. "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied. It's time to go to school!" "But why Mom? I don't want to go. The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. you're the Principal!" Mother: “Did you get a good place to sit in your history exam?” Daughter: “yes. It's probably just your dad. a voice from another room shouted." Raj: "Why?" Ravi: "Because my father gives me Rs. you know how Santa Claus turned out." "Well. I tell you. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet". "I did not!" After church on Sunday morning.I AM GLAD YOU DIDN'T THROW THE BANANA PEEL ON THE ROAD." "That's okay with us. Mother asks.

get up" (as they are not talking with each other.But the husband had to wake up early at 5 in the morning. did you forget something?" "Nope. Once upon atime there was a man. make a sentence starting with the letter 'I'. here`s an extra Five hundred rupees to take the Mrs out to dinner and a movie."Its 5 o'clock. "What`s the matter..Iwas so late I didn't have the time to get on it`. John-Keep the ladder on the ground and then measure it. Thinking the painter had forgotten something Santa asked. Two couples had a quarrel and they were not talking with each other. TEACHER-what did your father present your sister on her birthday? STUDENT-SHE WANTED TO SEE THE WHOLE WORLD. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.SO HE GAVE HER AN ATLAS ! Santa was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. Sam-Doing some work with ladder and measuring tape. He says I have two daughters both are girls." he said and handed the man a check. the doorbell rang and it was the painter." Later that night. Amit: I is. in order to thank-you. Q:WHICH IS THE LONGEST ROPE IN THE WORLD? A:EUROPE Father : Son . John-What are you doing? Sam-Trying to measure the length of this ladder.He writes on a paper to her to wake him up at 5 & keeps the chit on his bed In the morning he suddenly wakes up & sees a chit . I want to measure it's length not it's breadth. Teacher: No. what do u want for your birthday ? Son : Not much dad .SON:-I JUST PUT IT IN THE POCKET OF THE PASSENGER SITTING NEXT TO ME! Son: I had a tough day at the Office Mom: At the office (surprisingly) Son: Ya . and were sitting next to each other.at the principle's office Teacher: Amith..) Mother (to child):Wake up!wake up!you are being late! Child:Mom I do'nt want to go to school Mother:But why? . One boy exclaimed: "Did you knew? Deep breathing kills the germs!" The other kid: "But how can we make the germs take a deep breadth?" Suresh:`I saw your pushing your bicycle to work this afternoon Gaurav:"Yes.. "Also. just a radio with a sports car around it . "I`m just here to take your Mrs out to dinner and a movie like you asked. Amit: OK.So he finds ways to tell her wife. Sam-You fool.Then comes an idea in his mind. no. don't say "I is"." Teacher:What did Mahatma Gandhi give us? Pinki:Ma'am he gave us a holiday for 2nd october." replied the painter. Two boys were travelling in a bus. no. "You did a great job. you say "I am".

" The Chinese replied. The kadahi replied "that is why you whistle when you see me".Child:I saw a dream Mother:what dream? Child:I was running a 100 metre race! Mother:so? Child:I am tired q)what is the opposite of titanic? a)looseanic Once a cooker and a kadahai were talking to each other. "I'll make the outside part of the TV.so he went to a hindi teacher Teacher:Repeat after me Foreigner:ok Teacher:maine kiya Foreigner:maaaaaaaaaaame kiyo Teacher:manoranjan ke liye Foreigner:maaanoraanjan kee liyee Teacher:jaldi chalo Foreigner:jaaldi chaaloo . The doctor replaced it with the cow's stomach." The Chinese said.wake up. My dad became a champion in cricket."The other one said that my dad fell from a high building. "lets make something. So the second boy said that his father has a shop of ice-creams so he regularly eats one." The Indian said.U have to go to school. "I'll write Made In India. MOTHER-First one. One day he thougth that he should learn hindi . SON-Mom give me 2 reasons why i should go to school." I'll make the remote of the TV. He broke his leg. have you ever been to Egypt? Father:No.One of them said "my dad fell from a high building.Why do you ask me that? Son:Then where did you get mummy from? Once there were four men. one Chinese.My dad became a champion in giving milk. "we'll make a TV." Girl:"WHAT DID YOU GET THAT LITTLE MEDAL FOR?" BOY:"FOR SINGING" Girl:"WHAT DID YOU GET THE BIG ONE FOR?" BOY:"FOR STOPPING" One day three kids were praising about their fathers." The third one said that my dad fell from a high building. The doctor replaced it with a cricket bat. Son:Daddy. The Australian said. He said that his father has a shop of shoes so he everyday eat them. The doctor replaced it with a baseball bat. A foreigner comes to india." Then the African said."I'll make the inside part of the TV.because u r 56 yearsand second one because u r the PRINCIPLE of the school. So the first boy said that his father has a shop of chocolates. So the third boy said that he his superior than they both are. one Australian." MOTHER-Son. and one Indian. The cooker said to the kadahi that you look so black. three boys were talking to each other that how they are better than each other. So he became a champion in playing baseball. WHICH IS THE BIGGEST ROPE IN THE WOLRD? ANSWER-EUR(ROPE). so he said that he everyday eats one. one African.He likes it and decides to spend the rest of his life in India. One day." Australian said.

Jimmy. His father said.electricity. On the leopard’s cage they saw a sign that read-WET PAINT." Child: "You have my full permission!" Two friends Bobby and Rohit were walking back from school when Bobby turns to Rohit and says. telephone. “I always thought that leopard’s spots were real”. The costs are going up on all of them! I would be very happy if just one thing went down. What happened?” Raj replied. Sam:Why are you not going to play with us today? Adam:I am helping my father in doing my homework. “Oh” Raju’s brother said. Son: Dad. “I don’t like your friend.” Once upon a time there were two friends . The second friend says you are so lucky my father has a shoe shop so I always eat shoes. Customer:There is a fly in my soup. “It was a wrong number. “Well put her to one side and just eat the greens then.shopping etc. "Rohit if you had two Mercedes Benz cars would you give me one?" Rohit says.” Raju went with his brother to the zoo.Then the foreigner comes back to his house in the way and there was a murder of a person and the police arrived.1st friend said that my father has a sweets shop so. "Now. Waiter:Don't worry Sir. One said to the other. the spider in the bread will eat it. Father to Son: "Why did you put the lizard on your sisters bed". are the Smiths very poor people? I don't think so. MINU:-TO SEE WHERE MUMMY HAS HIDDEN MY BOX OF CHOCOLATES Raj had been talking on the phone for about half an hour before he hung up. Parent: "I'd like a day without punishing you. Police:kisne kiya Foreigner:mane kiya. Teacher: When was Rome built? Student: At night! Sir Teacher: Why? Student: You once said Rome was not built in a day.mane kiya!! Police:kyuonn kiya? Foreigner:manoranjan ke liye Police:police station chalo Foreigner:jaldi chalo Two cannibals were having their dinner. Pinky:Which dog has no tail Rinky:I dont know. Bobby we've been best friends since class II and if I had two of those . Son to Father: "Because I could not find a frog". You usually talk for an hour.I always eat sweets. “Wow! That was short. You tell me Pinky:A hot dog Father: Look at these bills! Rent.” The other replied. Why do you ask? Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin. my report card! FATHER:-WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING THE LINE OF ANTS. Mum.

Do you know what it means?" . she did it all. noisy people. The one on the other side screams and screams all night. A couple of minutes later." he replied. I would give the other one to you. "It wasn't that. Knowing his sweet tooth Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said. playing my drums. next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. his mother came up with a new rule. “Now wait a minute Bobby! You KNOW I've got two big Kit Kat packs" Ram: "Mum!! May I have an apple?" Mother: "But you have just had your lunch!" Ram: "Yes Mum. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop." Jimmy did your Mother help you with your homework last night?" the teacher asked. Tony?" she asked. Five-year-old Missy answered the door when the Mailman came by. "Of course Bobby. "they're such terrible. we’re such good friends I wouldn’t even think twice." replied Tommy. "Mother." he replied. I do nothing. Junior would have to pay her a dime. "And how do you find the students. She ate all the bait." After a couple of minutes. I just ignore them. "My. She told the Mailman that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home because he was performing an appendectomy." "No. Junior paid her and said. "Rohit if you had two helicopters of your own would you give one of them to me?" Rohit says. After a month. Ma. she added up the chores and demanded twenty rupees. When my mom saw me she just told me to get off.” They keep walking. "that sure is a big word for such a little girl." Rohit says. it will add colour to your face. "Rohit if you had two mega size Kit Kat packs . "I'll never take her along with me again!" he told his mother that evening." Mother: "Eat bananas with milk. I just stay here quietly.you know the ones with with six bars…." said the Mailman. Each time she had to pick something up off the floor of his room. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh." Sapna: "You're kidding! How long were you on?" Saurav: "Not very long. his mother came to visit him at his residence hall." his mother said. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it. but an apple a day keeps the doctor away and I have just broken his window" A young boy called Tony went to study at a boarding school in the hills. Bobby turns to Rohit." "Oh Tony! How do you manage to put up with these awfully noisy neighbours?" "Mother. "Thanks. "No. "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." Saurabh: "How do you know it's lost one?" Gaurav: "Because the kids down the street are still looking for it!" A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. I just found a lost baseball." Daughter: "But who wants yellow cheeks on a white face!" Saurav: "I was on the TV today. The boy said." Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friends house. and she gave me two more pieces of her own accord. At the end of the week.Mercedes. Keep up the good work!" How do you prevent a Summer cold? Catch it in the Winter! Gaurav: "Look." Unhappy at the state of Junior's room. Bobby turns to Rohit and says. "I only asked Mrs.

Father to his son: “When Abraham Lincoln was of your age he was very intelligent.” Son: “When Abraham Lincoln was of your age he was the president of the USA.” “I am ashamed of you” the mother said. First one: Do you know the Suez Canal? Second one: Yes I know. Harsh has broken my doll. but I'm afraid that you didn't do very well" ! “Ashok.“ Ashok replied. “So I threw one at him. I do.” Teacher(to a boy):Give me an example of barren land. “When he threw a rock at you.he was Ram . BEACAUSE I AM LATE .YOU TOLD ME NOT TO WALK INTO THE CLASS WHEN I AM LATE THAT IS WHY I AM CRAWLING. NEXT DAY Teacher:WHY ARE YOU CRAWLING INTO THE CLASS? Student: MADAM.When he reaches the ground floor he remembers that he was not Shyam. Shyam jumps from the 15th floor. But one day only Vimal went into a bus. do you like going to school”? “Yes auntie. Said his mother. “Put him in the refrigerator” Two kids were always boasting about their fathers. "Have you had your homework marked ?" The boy replied "Yes. I have brought my friend home for dinner” “OK”. Teacher: NEXT TIME DO NOT WALK INTO CLASS WHEN YOU ARE LATE. Second one: My father killed it. Ramu-What are you doing standing here in the hot sun? Shamu-I am drying my sweat."Sure! Fifteen Hundred dollars. Mother: How did he do that? Nisha: I hit him on the head with it. First one: My father dug it.When he reaches the 10th floor he remembers that he did not have any daughter. Once there were two girls named Simran and Vimal. “What good would that has done? My aim is much better than yours.” The mother stated. When he reaches the 5th floor he remembers that he was not married. Why? Because on that bus it was written ONLY VIMAL! Ramesh-Shyam your daughter ran away with the driver. Girl to her father: “I am so glad that I am not a bird” Father: “Why?” Girl: “Because I cannot fly.The two girls went wherever their friends wen. and that doesn't even include the anesthesiologist!" A boy came home from school and his dad asked. Second one: Do you know the Dead Sea? First one: Yes. Boy:My father's head. you should have come to me. “It is when I get there that I do not like it. “Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!” “He threw a rock at me!” the boy said.” Nisha: Mom.” The boy quickly replied.” A cannibal boy came home one evening and shouted “Mom.

"the son says "but father what do I get by jumping 20 feet "the father replies "don't you trust me when I tell you to jump.hearing this the boy entered the class. the son said then from were you brought mummy plane: brother rocket you fly in the sky i also fly in the sky.NEVER TRUST ANYBODY!! Teacher:Raghu." The red and black ants asked the white."Why are you so white?" The white ant said.the next day one boy came late to class.JUMP!"the son jumps down. "Why are you so red. "ok son . then the father said that no son i have never been to egypt. Parents of a boy called chandu were called to the principal's office due to a complaint of cheating in exams The mother said "how are you so sure that my son has cheated? " The principal replied "in the first question the boy beside him wrote '-' The mother replied "that does'nt prove that he cheated" The principal again said"YES.What should we use to keep our heart clean? Boy:I think we must eat the soap ONE CROW:DONT STAND IN THE SUN.what are you scribbling on your fingers? RAGHU:Historical dates Teacher:Why? RAGHU:Because our history teacher says that we should always have imortant historical dates on our finger tips. follow me. but in the second question that boy wrote'I DONT KNOW' and your son wrote 'NEITHER DO I' one business man told his son "son today you are ready to learn the twists and turns of business . my skin is tanned" The white & black asked the red.So.jump."Because i stay in the heat."Because i drink blood. Shubham:What kind of ants like maths? Parikshit:I give up Shubham:An-account-ant Dad: Rahul.can you tell me the difference between morning and evening? Ramu:In the morning our teachers scold us and in the evening our parents do that.i also have pointed nose. The red and white ants asked the black one. "Why are you so black" The black ant said." The red ant said.One was red one was black & one was white. SECOND CROW:WHY? FIRST CROW:YOU WILL GET TANNED.the master replied "no".when tell you to jump down jump.Ramu. Girl:We should use soap to keep our body clean. the father goes down and looks at his fractured and bruised son and says "son today you have learnt yuor first lesson. rocket:yes!!!! plane:THEN WHY DO YOU FLY FASTER THAN ME??????? rocket:when u will get BURNT at ur back then u will understand.he asked the master"sir.the boy asked again and he got the same answer as "no"." he takes his son on the roof."Because I use fair and lovely everyday.the master became angry and asked him why he entered the class he replied"you only said 2 .can i come in?".Once there were three ants. rocket:yes! plane:you have a pointed nose. once in a class the master was explaining that 2 negatives make one positive. Mother:Raju.if you have 10 apples and the boy next to you takes away 5 apples then what will you have? Raju:A fight Teacher:. I'm trying to dry my sweat. once a boy asks his father that father-father have you ever gone to egypt. why are you standing in the sun? Rahul: Dad.

The plane had only three parachutes.negatives make 1 positive. a Chinese couple with their son were going in a plane. it turns unto icecream.The plane was going to crash.In the plane their were only 4 people the couple & their son with the pilot.So the couple jumped.the man began to shout what kind of resturant this is . The police came and asked the aliens : Police-"Who killid this man" 1st alien.so.so everybody laughed exept me.The pilot took his & jumped.a cockroach was in it .Now the couple thought what should we do? they thought & thought. "Me chinese me no dum me hold on to daddy's bump daddy boom I go zoom that's how I reach the house the soon. Once.They then realized that they two should jump because they could also adopt a child. one alien went to school and learnt I ." Police-"With what did u kill him" 3rd alien-"With a fork and knife" Police-"All of u r going to jail" 4th alien-"Yahoo!!!" once a man waas drinking soup in a resturant.the second alien went to his friends house and learnt because he stole my pencil.it was written WRITE IN CAPITAL.When they reached their house they saw thier son on the roof of their house. Daughter: Hello! who is it? Caller: Is Surjit there? Daughter: Sorry! its a wrong number but still would you like to leave any message? .cockroacahes there. For that he went to Delhi from Mumbai.his friend asked him why he had come such a long way to just fill up a form? Rohan replied-"Silly. then the manager came and told please dont shout we will not take the charge of cockroach Mintoo:It is so cold in my Grandfather's farm that the minute we milk buffalo." knock knock who's there? boo.When he reached his friend's house." A kid to her mother:Today in the bus one girl fell. Mother:Why din't you laugh. Chintoo:It so warm in my Grandfather's fam tht the minute the hen lays'it comes out cooked.They asked the child "how did you come here you were in the plane? the child said.I Police-"Why did u kill him" 2nd alien-"Because he stole my pencil. Another mad man -but why should we worry?We leave in Hindustan. boo who? why are you crying? Rohan had to fill a form. Teacher:Raghu spell mouse Raghu :mous Teacher:what is at the end? Raghu :its tail Once a mad man told to another mad man --There is a war between India & Bharat. Once a mother told her daughter that when somebody calls you or whn you pick up the phone always ask that is there any message to be left over? Next day a phone came and the daughter picked up the phone Daughter: Hello! who is it? Caller:Is surjit there? Daughter: Sorry! its a wrong number but still would you like to leave any message? Once a mother told her daughter that when anybody calls you or when you pick up the phone always ask that is there any message to be left over? Next day a phone came and the daughter picked up the phone. i came here!" Once there were 4 aliens . Kid:Because iwas the girl.the third alien went to a restaurant and learnt with a fork and knife and the forth alien went to disco and learnt yahoo !!! One day they came across a dead man .

But they did'nt get wet .Three men under an umbrella. why did the king go to the dentist? ans:to get his teeth crowned Teacher:Raghu spell mouse Raghu :mouse Teacher:what is at the end? Raghu :its tail .how? Because it was n't raining! Ram:what is the height of foolishness? Shyam:Sitting on a motorbike and fighting for window seat.

When the train stopped. he was still alive. all the passengers came to the driver and asked:"Why did you take the train off the track into the fields. The passengers got angry and decided to punish the train driver. it was still keeping correct time” Santa: What is so great about it? Once my grandfather fell into a well. .The man typed his password and was waiting when Santa Singh cried out"Yes yes I know your password. and after thirty years when he was taken out. Suddenly the train got down from the railway line and started moving into the fields.I can read your mails now. Santa singh replied " Five stars.They started the counting 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 go!The rocket was still there.SO SANTA ASKED BANTA THAT HOW IS CRICKET IN HEAVEN? BANTA SAID"IN HEAVEN CRICKET IS VERY FAMOUS".THEY BOTH DECIDED THAT WHO EVER DIES FIRST WILL COME IN THE OTHER'S DREAM & TALK ABOUT CRICKET.SANTA FIRST ASKED THE GOODNEWS. Santa:What should we do? The water level has risen above the danger mark.BANTA DIED FIRST. Santa: Where is my wife? Santa's Wife: I am here.They tried it 3.It was crowded so he had to wait. "Surprised the man asked "Oh yeah. Banta:Raise the danger level mark up by a few meters. Passeners: Why did you risk the life of so many passengers in order to save the life of one man. Dad! Santa: Where is Banta? Banta: I am also here.THEY BOTH LOVED CRICKET.As he waited he saw a man checking his mails. Santa: Then! who is at the shop. SANTA & BANTA WERE GOOD FRIENDS. tell me what is it".You should have driven the train on that man. SO BANTA CAME IN SANTA'S DREAM AND TALKED ABOUT CRICKET. Once Santa Singh entered a cybercafe to check his mails. THE NEXT DAY BANTA AGAIN CAME." Driver: A man came in front and was standing on the railway line. THEN SANTA ASKED THE BAD NEWS & BANTA SAID "THE BAD NEWS IS THAT YOU ARE THE OPENING BOWLER IN THAT MATCH!!!". Santa: Where are my sons? Santa's Sons: We are here.HE TOLD SANTA THAT HE HAS ONE GOODNEWS & ONE BAD NEWS.” Banta: “How can it be possible? What was he doing in the well for thirty years?” Santa: “He was winding your grandfather’s wrist-watch. BANTA SAID"THE GOODNEWS IS THAT THERE IS A MATCH IN HEAVEN TOMORROW & I'AM THE OPENING BATSMAN". Driver: I was going to do this only but the man ran towards the field.” Santa was was on his death bed. Once Santa Singh and some other country scientists came for launching a rocket.4 times.Santa Banta Jokes Once a train was moving on the railway line." Why did Santa Singh took 18 sardars to watch a movie? Because under 18 was not allowed! Banta: “My grandfather’s watch fell into a well and when it was found after 30 years.He stood behind him and watched.

then what will sardarji think? .maths and History. When they went up to the clouds. Now Santa went in there and stayed there for 5. Shyam was asked. One day Santa told Banta that Hindustan & Bharat are on war.9.Shyam and Santa Singh died. By:Ashish If there is a banana's peel on the road. In History test. table of 5 and Santa was asked table of 59. Santa was asked to name the people who died in second world war. So 1st the pilot went to stay with him but after 2 days he came out saying I can't stay there. 12. Banta -So what we will go at night. 7. Santa fainted again. Ram was asked to the table of 2. Everybody asked "How did u do it''.. 8. Santa -It will be hot. Q)How do you keep Santa and Banta Busy? Ans)Put them in a circular room and tell them to find the corners. Santa died again.Shyam to spell "rat" and santa was asked "Thiruvanthapuram". Banta -Santa lets go to the sun .Ram and Shyam were asked to go to Heaven and Santa to hell. the pig came out saying I cant stay there. Shyam. Santa fainted. Ankush:No Nikhil:In jokes Santa:Banta.On the 15th day when the people out of the room were very excited to meet santa. 10. Banta: ganja sardar(bald sardar)!!! Why is Sardar's brain very costly? A: Because you have to kill many Sardars to locate a brain.tell me a joke in two words. Banta replied but we live in India One day a Sardarji was talking to his friend Sardarji: I have to learn Telugu within 6 months or I will not be able to communicate with my child. Ram was asked "How many world war has taken place? " He answered "2". 6. Next day. In the English test Ram was asked to spell "cat". Q: Why does Santa always smile when the lightening comes? A: Bcoz he thinks that someone is snapping his photo. Santa also wanted to go to Heaven and after a lot of pleading.and then asked them to count. Friend: Is it! Why? Sardarji: I have adopted a telugu child and he will start speaking after 6 months. 14 days.. Then an astrologer went he stayed there for 5 days and then came out saying I cant stay there. Once there was a competition held that one who can stay in a room with a pig for 20 days will be awarded Rs 15 lakhs..They started 10 9 8..then to the right.go!The rocket went. Ram.. "How many people died in second world war?" He answered "about one million". 11.He climed down. Santa replied"In our country we start our bajaj scooter like that only.Then Santa said"Wait I'll try" He climed up the rocket..he somehow managed to ask the Judge to have a test in the subjects English. How will a sardar ji climb a tree? He will stand on a corn and wait for it to grow..first tilted to left. 13. Nikhil:Do you know where most sardars are found.in Math test.

because his memory was very bad. On asking Santa told the village people that he asked the donkey whether he would like to become a sardar? ONCE BANTA SINGH WANTED TO START A BUISNESS OF POTATOES IN ENGLAND."I WILL TAKE YOU TO THE ASYLUM."MAYBE YES." THE IRRITATED LADY SAID.e. My work is to dig the hole. Man:Why are you doing so? Santa :We are 3 people Santa." WHEN SOMEONE WOULD ASK WHETHER THEY ARE GOOD. Tanta's work is to plant a seed and Banta's work is to fill the hole."10 RS. BUT HE COULDN'T SPEAK ENGLISH.Ans:Today again I have to slip on it If there are 2 banana's peels on the road? Ans:whether I slip on this or on that one."WHAT! ARE YOU GONE NUTS.One day the village people decided that the person who made him shake his head as if he was saying no would be rewarded with some cash.Banta & Tanta." ON THIS THE LADY REPLIED."IF YOU DON'T TAKE. PER KG. SOMEONE OTHER WILL TAKE." BANTA REPLIED. Once there was a donkey who always shook his head as if he was saying yes." ON THIS BANTA COOLLY REPLIED. MAYBE NOT. ONE DAY A LADY APPROACHED HIM AND ASKED HIM THE WAY TO PICCALLIDY CIRCUS. SANTA SAID THAT WHENEVER SOMEONE WOULD ASK HIM THAT HOW MUCH THE POTATOES COST. .But Santa did not know English. IF YOU DON'T TAKE SOMEONE ELSE WILL TAKE.He got confused and went to ask them." Once a man goes to a man selling brains: Man :How much is this brain? Shopkeeper:One lakh because it is an engineer's Man: Then what about this one? Shopkeeper: 10 lakhs because it is a scientist's Man:Then this one? Shopkeeper:3 crore because it is a sardarjis and it is a fresh one One night Santa was walking alone in the street when a robber jumped on him and said.He came and said something in the donkey's ear and the donkey immediately shook his head as if he was saying no.HE SHOULD SAY "MAYBE YES.Not even my name." BANTA WENT TO LONDON AND SOON HIS BUISNESS FLOURISHED. HE SHOULD SAY. ``Give me all your money` `Santa started fighting back and the fight lasted for excatly 2 hours!! Then finaly the robber caught Santa and took a grip on him and searched his pockets and only found 25 paise! The robber asked Santa that why did he fight with him for 2 hours only for 25 paise? And Santa`s reply was``Oh!I thought you were after my 300 rupees in my shoe!!! Once santa went to a doctor. 10 RUPEES "PER KG."MADAM.ON THIS BANTA REPLIED. Many people tried but failed.Today Tanta has taken a leave so why should we stop our work.HE ASKED FOR A SOLUTION FROM SANTA SINGH.he went to an English teacher to learn English." "IT IS OK" FOR THOSE WHO TAKE IT BUT TO THOSE WHO DO NOT TAKE IT. Doctor:Since when do u have this problem? Santa:What Problem? Once a man saw Santa digging a hole and Banta filling it.'YES'.'NO' and 'THANK YOU. The teacher told him to use only 3 words i. HE SHOLD SAY. Then it was Santa's turn . MAYBE NOT.Hence. How do you recognise a sardar student? He erases his written work as the teacher erases the work on the board due to less space Once Santa Singh won a ticket to USA. Santa:I dont remember anything sir.

his watch fell down from the top .' In his very examination santa in between the paper used to go to the toilet and come back with wearing only a brief."No.HE SAW BANTA'S LEFT HAND WAS CUT."It is wirtten in question paper ANSWER IN BRIEF. he was still alive."Do you have my purse?" Santa said.SO YOU CAN DO WORK."WHAT HAS HAPPENED. Santa.fill in capital.Banta saw this. The man again saw the sardar roaming with the same form in Delhi. it was still keeping correct time” Santa: What is so great about it? Once my grandfather fell into a well. Banta:Why did you turn upside down singing? Santa:Because now I am singing the'B' side of the cassette. Once Santa was returning home in his car at a greet speed.” A man saw a sardar."ACTUALLY MY RIGHT HAND GOT INTO THE MACHINE BUT AT LAST MOMENT I TOOK OUT IT. and after thirty years when he was taken out."Please give it to me." The lady gave Santa Singh a tight slap and he said."That is nothing.TELL ME?" BANTA SAID.Then he came back."Thank You!!!" ONCE SANTA WENT TO DELHI. BANTA SAID."Yes." Santa singh was sitting on a tree and singing. SANTA ASKED.accidently a lady's purse fell on his seat. When banta asked why he was doing this he said that. Santa went to give his english exam.a traffic policeman stoped him and him the reason of his driving." santa singh and his friend walking on the road santas friend saya oh! see the dead bird santa singh looks at the sky and says where.When Santa sat in the plane." Santa said. The man said to the sardar. my grandfather is so forgetful that he spits pan on his bed and jumps out of the window! once santa went at the top of qutub minar.The lady came and asked Santa." The lady said. 'Can't you see it's written that. Banta:How was your exam? Santa:It was good except that I did not know the past tense of think."My grandfather is so forgetful that he puts his walking stick on the bed and stands in the corner of his room.he replied that he was waiting for his watch to come. he went down and started catching it.MY HAND GOT INTO THE MACHINE.santa singh told him that his brake had failed so he wanted to go home fast sothat he does not have an accident ." Banta.WHEN HE CAME BACK."WHEN I WAS WORKING.” Banta: “How can it be possible? What was he doing in the well for thirty years?” Santa: “He was winding your grandfather’s wrist-watch.'You could have filled this form in Jalandhar itself.I thought and I thought and I wrote thunk. who was loitering in Jalandhar with a form but the man ignored the sardar." SANTA SAID.Suddenly he turned upside down and again started singing.' Sardar replied. then he told that it was 5 minuites late anubhuti Banta: “My grandfather’s watch fell into a well and when it was found after 30 years.many people asked him that what was he doing."ITS GOOD THAT YOUR LEFT HAND GOT INTO THE MACHINE. others told him that someone must have taken it.AND I PUT MY LEFT HAND INSIDE.

Both of them are extinct. then I want my five rupees back!" Ghanta told his mom Preeto"When I was in the bus today with Banta Papa. I want my money! If you're not going to give me my 20 lakhs right now. Santa ji said. "That`s too much" said Santa. Kallu Singh: Oh really.Ghanta replied but I was sitting in dad's lap. But once again he was told the same. You are a brave man. the pilot said to Santa. silly. Jugnu Singh: I was born in Punjab." The man replied. Once Santa went in an electronic shop and asked the price of a T. Santa was in the hospital since he met with an acident." said Santa. "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. The pilot thought for a second and then said. screams out. "Rupees one thousand for 3 minutes" the pilot replied. so he put it down on paper and gave it to Banta and passed away. What is the similarity between a dinosaur and an intelligent sardar? Ans. We give you one lakh today and then you'll get the rest spread out over the next 19 weeks. I will go at night. "Look. furious with the man. The shopkeeper replied that because it was an oven instead of a T. He did the same next day. He goes to Delhi to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. Jeeto. The Sardar says. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound. I almost screamed when my wife fell out.V." A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. you`ll have to pay me the whole amount. "I want my 20 lakhs. Banta:I'll just stop the helicopter's fan Once Banta ji said to Santa ji the water is coming above the danger mark. the man explained that he would only get a lakh that day and the rest during the next 19 weeks. no. went to a fair. "Oh. "I`ll make you a deal." Put the danger mark above the water. But if you make any sound at all. He asked the shopkeeper that how did he recognise him everyday. The shopkeeper said that he doesn't sell things to sardars. The Sardar.They had got their own Sandwitches." "Maybe so.Mom replied that your father was a kind man.I am planning to go on the sun.Both of them are extinct. but was told the again that they don't sell things to sardars. Santa:Banta I am feeling cold." Santa and Jeeto agreed and went for a thrilling ride." What is the similarity between a dinosaur and an intelligent sardar? Ans. Santa Singh.When Banta came to see him Santa tried to say something. Santa became angry and the next day he came dressed like a Muslim (with his hair normal like us). Santa and Banta went to a Pub.the waiter came said them "You can't eat your own Sandwitches". sir. Once Santa & Banta were going in the helicopter.Santa and and his wife. which part? Jugnu Singh: All of me. "No. the ride will be free. So Santa and Banta exchaged their Sandwitches.V. But he couldn't.Don't you think that it will be hot? Santa Singh. He became very angry and the next day he shaved off his head and came into the shop dressed like a south Indian.Doesn't matters." The Sardar said. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it. It doesn't work that way. After they landed. was fascinated by a stunt plane and asked the pilot how much aride would cost.he told me to give up my seat for a beautiful lady". Santa had never been on an airplane. Banta Singh. "but I gotta tell you. ." Again.

' Santa says.Next day was his funeral. Coward.'' Can you believe it? they need 2 trucks to carry a rope''.Mumbai) One day Santa thought that everybody makes fun of sardar so he decided to take revenge by making others fool. "What are you searching for?" Santa Singh:Hidden camers Jasmit Kaur:What makes you think there are hidden camers here? Santa Singh:The guy on T.. BANTA: I had a fight with my wife today.TRAIN LOOK". While he was reading it tears trickled down his cheeks and he read "Banta get off my oxygen mask!!!!" Two men were fighting over whether the moon is big or the sun.D.then Santa comes out and all the answers to Banta.they ask him"what is your name?Banta says"Jawaharlal nehru"then they ask"when were you born?"Banta says "in1947"they ask"are you mad?"Banta says"scientists are still researching on it" ha ha ha.these are not the right kind of glasses."I FOOLED U. Mr Chaudry asked. ..V keeps on saying you are watching the star world channel. he went to a rare field with no railway traks and shouts "TRAIN.the officers who were taking the interview asked"what was the name of the first prime minister of India?Santa said"Jawaharlal nehru.Banta goes inside.he sees a note stuck on the door saying. ''Why are you laughing'.Just then Santa Banta came.As Santa's turn came Banta told him that"Santa please tell me your answers which u say".When he comes in front of Banta's door.At the decided time Santa climbs 101 storeys by foot.then they ask him"when did India get independence?Santa said"1947". once there was a train and in that train one man was craking jokes on sardarji and every one enjoyed it but when train stoped on station and a sardarji walked in the train an then the man stoped craking joke on sardarji every on said to start joking on sardarji but he said no after some time he started jokes on bangoli then sardarji got up and slaped that man.Santa agreed.then they asked"tell something about geothermal energy?santa said"scientists are researching on it.Santa worked hard whereas Banta did not the day of the interview arrived Banta began feeling as he had not prepared anything. Scene(A truck was towing away another truck in front of a bus stop where Santa was standing.They asked them to tell them whether the sun or the moon is big.man said why did you slaped me sardarji said is every sardaji died that you are craking jokes on bangoli once Santa and Banta wanted to do a job so they went to a office ."I FOOLED U TOO.I HAD NEVER INVITED YOU.There they were told this that their interview will after 4 days. So.how can we drink lassi because it's closed from the upper side and even if I open it from the other end it's not closed from the lower end. After Santa was cremated Banta read out Santa's last words.) Santa started to laugh like hell." Crazy Santa stuck another note below Banta's saying. Banta lives on the last storey of a 101-storeyed building with no lift.I HAD NRVER COME HERE." (By Mayura.He invites Santa for lunch one day.so Santa replied "sorry I'm new in this town" Jasmit Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around the living room and she asked him. Then he hears a voice "WHERE". Banta took one of them and said. Smiling on his success Santa turns back and finds a group of sardars behind him. Santa: How did it end? Banta:She came to me with folded hands and requested me to come out from under that bed..how does he now that? Once Santa bought a set of glasses to drink lassi.

.I ALSO SAW THE HIGHLIGHTS IN THAT ALSO INDIA WON During elections. "But look how wide they made it." one day all the sardars were having a meeting on [why all the people make sardar fool][12pm] all sardars asked one of the sardar to give the answer the sardar get worried then he goes to vendor to eat chole bhature vendor: why you are so worried asked vendor to sardar sardar told him and asked the answer for the reason for meeting vendor:very simple first give this answer [my father has two sons one is in usa then where is second one] sardar get very confused and asked for the answer vendor:its me sardar:happy and goes to meeting place and asked the same question.".. Santa screams again "Get the plane up. Banta Singh:Bad.Santa went to deliver a lecture on a dias. suddenly he stops doing fighting.So scientist of a world invite all of the scientist all over the world.Every one ask the question one by one machine gives the answer.. During their fourth descent Santa says : "Look at those stupid Americans. "I know" answers Banta.TODAY INDIA WILL WIN THE MATCH BANTA-NO TODAY ENGLAND WILL WIN SANTA:-OKAY IF UR SO CONFIDENT LETS HAVE A BET OF RS 500 BANTA :.. This goes on again and again. you are selected. They start descending and as they touch the ground Santa screams.So now it was the turn of banta singh first he rotate around the machine and ask a question in his ear and machine got burst.OKAY SANTA:.He said i have just asked can you tell me where is the brain of sardars.. the runway is ending. Questioner:Give me the opposites.then he goes to the basin and takes outhis handkerchief and starts washing the basin the waiter asks "what are you doing. . because he said"dishoom dishoom karna to pepsodent ka kam hai" SANTA:.OK HENCE INDIA WON THE MATCH BANTA GIVES 1000 TO SANTA SANTA OUESTION AND SAY THAT THE BET WAS OF 500 THEN WHY HAVE U GIVEN ME 1000 BANTA:-I SAW THE MATCH IN THAT INDIA WON.. Banta swiftly gets the plane back up in the air. One day santa sitting on a tree and a song afterfew minutes from the other banta singh came ask to santa that what u r doing he told that he is singing a song afterwards santa put his head down & puts his legs up then banta singh ask him what u r doing he told him that 1st i have completed the A SIDE now i m singing from b side Sant and Banta Got really fed of the parliament so they decided to blow it up. Banta Singh went for an interview.. they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short runaway."." Once Santa and Banta try to land an airplane in the States. Once. They make a big turn and start descending again. I have a spare bomb in the backseat. All the sardars get confused and asked the answer .Some body screamed from below Santa was wearing one black & one white sock. Banta Singh:OK Questioner:Made in India Banta Singh:Destroyed in Pakistan Questioner:Good.Every one of them got a shock what was a question he has asked..Santa relied cooly "This sock company is really bad.once one sardarji was fighting with another... So. The moment they touch the ground. I am not selected. One day scientist invent a machine which can give the answer of every question.. the runaway is ending. sire? santa singh amswers that as it is written here 'wash basin'iam doing it. when they where going by the car Santa said "Banta! what happens if the bomb blows up in the car?" Banta:"Don't worry.I have one more similar pair of socks at home".IF INDIA WILL WIN THE MATCH BANTA WILL GIVE 500 BUGS TO ME AND IF ENGLAND WINS THE MATCH I WILL GIVE U 500 BANTA:.. Questioner:Don't speak too much or I will cut your points Banta Singh:Speak less or you will cut my points Questioner:You are dismissed Banta Singh:I am selected!! Questioner:!!!! once santa singh goes to a hotel and eats till his stomach was full. sardar:it is the chole bhature wala.".

Ha.some part had moved out of its place. looking up in the sky.. But it is written that free cholestrol with the can!!!! once upon time. Santa ate all the inside part.Every one lauged at him.SAMOSA & SANDWITCH.four sardarjis were pushing a car...The owner in deep sleep asks who is there.when they started the engines..TWO MORE SARDARJIS COMING AND SAYING "LETS PLAY DOUBLES" Once there was rocket being lanched at London...he said he did it the same way to his bajajinINDIA. Santa:Because doctor told me not to eat outside things. SANTA-I THINK I'D TRAVEL TO THE SUN..THEREFORE I WILL TRAVEL AT NIGHT Santa to Banta : Hey santa . BANTA-RIDICULOUS-YOUR SPACRSHIP WOULD BURN UP LONG BEFORE YOU EVEN GET THERE SANTA-I KNOW THAT WELL. The owner asks "who is it" Banta replies "Doosri billi".then all the people said how?he told something in santa singh's ear and he suddenly got up from the seat..santa singh said no then they both started arguing with them then all the people came but santa singh didn't get up. once santa and banta went to do a robbery .When they put the rocket on the launch pad . Santa to waiter:I want ONE MASALA DOSA.when santa was stealing a glass it fell from his hand.Then a Sardarji arrived . BY ANCHAL ARYA One day furious Santa enters a shop and asks that 'Where is my free gift with this can of oil? The shopkeeper says that there is no free gift with this can of oil.but it was not even moving..A and the other seat goes to Canada SANTA & BANTA PLAYING CHESS.With the degree controlers he put them 20 degre left and the same way right and it launched.why????because two were pushing from the back and two were pushing from the front Once Santa went to the resturant.then one man came and told him i can pick him up from this seat.whichever seat he saw first he sat on that.look at that dead bird. What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ? He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !! By:Tanya How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.then one man came and told him this is my seat.Santa singh was going in a plane.Ha Once santa brought a brand new car and drove from delhi to punjab in 1 hour but when he went back to delhi again but in 5 hours. People were astonished and asked him the tecnic. banta asked him that it took him so less time to get to punjab so why it took much time to reach delhi? Santa replied that because the car factory gives 4 gears to go forward but for reverse it gives only 1 gear..S. where where . Santa replies "meow meow".they did not start.Ha.all the people said what did you said in his ear. Banta too goes to steal and something falls from his hands also. By:Nikita ..banta singh told him whichever seat you see first sit on sit on that. the scientists were called again but they could not do any thing.. Banta .he asked for a chance.. Waiter to Santa:I am looking from half an hour that u r eating all the inside part why not outside part.he said that i only told him this seat goes to U.

.SANTA:BANTA.IF A DONKEY GETS HOT GAJAR KA HALWA WHAT WILL HE THINK? BANTA:SIMPLE.Because he thinks someone is taking his snap.Why does Santa smile when it thunders? Ans.HE WILL THINK IF ONLY HE COULD GET GRASS INSTEAD OF HALWA Q.

Sir. BY VARUN Once there was an elephant walking on the edge of a valley.he told ant his problem.They met with an accidant. what is the meaning of dev & devi? A Student Replied: Kapil Dev & Sri Devi Once an ant and elephant were going on a new scooter. but the ant refuses. Why? Because he wanted to check if the ant was wearing his swim suit!!! Q: Why Did the Elephant Hide behind the Strawberry bush? A: The elephant and the ant were playing hide and seek.ant on the road. ----------while they were travelling. A Teachar asked the students of a class that.The elephant fell into the water. Once some hunters were after an elephant . They went to a swimming pool but when the ant swims the elephant sits and when elephant swims the ant sits.full of water.Elephant Jokes Hemant : How does an elephant go up a tree? Sunil: It stands on a corn and waits for it to grow. As soon as the ant comes out.Well. they meet another elephant asking for a lift.So. The elephant didn't know what to do. why? Ans: Because they have only one swimming costume Once the ant is swimming and the elephant rushes to the swim pool and requests the ant to come out. My nose is running. She said : "Don't worry . Teacher. Boy. chase it! . just hide behind me !!! " two elephants one elephant was a male and another a female the female entered the bus and the male did not enter it why? because it was a ladies bus An elephant and ant were friends. He met his friend .she tells him to sit at the back. Once an ant was on her way to a restaurant on a scooter.on the way she meets a elephant who asks her to give him a lift.what is the first thing he will do? Ans.The elephant was died but ant was alive. How does an elephant go on holiday? He takes a jumbo jet! Why did the elephant paint his nails red? So that he could hide in the cherry tree! Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a cherry tree? No? That's because he hides himself so well! Q:Which gate can we eat? A:Colgate.three persons not allowed on 1 scooter. Why? Because ant was wearing a helmate. They decided to go to swimming.Get wet!! Hemant : How does an elephant go up a tree? Sunil: It stands on a corn and waits for it to grow. the elephant asks her to go back.why??? Ans:Traffic rules say.

then he replied that he saw her sandals lying outside Dog:Where are you going? Ant:My rakhi brother the elephant has met with an accident. Teacher:HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT AN ELEPHANT IS GOING ON HOLIDAYS."teacher."no! i don't know anything. the 3rd question was "is there life on Mars ?" he said scientists are still researching".they were getting married in a temple and they say the elephant mother walking in .once the ant and the elephant were playing hide n seek game It was elephant's turn to catch the ant but the ant was caught . the student answered. the was happy with his answers. the 1st man was called to the managers office. "Why are you crying?" He replied that a friend of ant's has stolen his sleepers.sits in the car and close the door. it was his chance." finally. its too much! can we take a day off?". Why? Because elephant had turned on the good night mat. once an elephant and an loved each other and were getting married without tell their mothers. the 3rd question was "are you male or a female he said " scientists are still researching" An elephant married a mousquito. Once a man was going in his car and suddenly he crashed with a very fat lady who was a weight lifting champion. the manager asked him "what is your name?" the foolish man said Javaharlal Nehru. at the pet shop) Ram: “This parrot cannot speak at all!! You said it repeats whatever it hears. the foolish man had been hearing all this. One day an elephant was crying and an ant came to him and said. if you don't know anything.she was hiding in the temple Then the ant asked how he came to know that she was hiding in the temple ."teacher. The lady got very angry and asked the man to come out of the car.I am going to donate some blood for him. the manager asked him "who was the 1st prime minister of India ?" he said " Javharlal Nehru " the 2nd question was when did India get freedoom?" he said 1947 . The teacher replied. Student:IT PACKS ITS TRUNK. the first was intelligent and he otter was foolish. She made a circle around . the 2nd quetion was" when were you born?" he said 1947 ". you must do the homework. What kind of elephants live in Antartica ? Cold ones! Ram: “Can this parrot talk?” Shopkeeper: “Yes ! it repeats everything it hears.” (after a few days.Since we have the same blood group.At night mosquito ran away. why do you teach us?". so one boy asked.open the door . How can an elephant sit in the car in three steps? Simple.so the ant says-hide behind me once 2 men went for an interview.” Shopkeeper: “I know! This is because it is deaf!!!” Animals WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INDIAN AND AFRICAN ELEPHANTS? ANS ABOUT 3000 MILES The teacher gave a lot of homework to the class.

When she was breaking the car she looked back and saw that the man was laughing. Elephant:Tan Kee Shakti. She began to break the car now. The same thing happened thrice. Ant:Such a young age and such a huge body. Then she very angrily asked the man that why was he still laughing.The father refused by saying that the ant was not of their caste. Ant:Fair and Lovely lagao aur apni umar chhupao!! Once an elephant was in love with an ant.He asked his father whether he could marry the ant or not. ant was also going with him in the ambulance.that's so obvious!!! what will happen if an elephant jump in a swimming pool? it will get wet why did the ant hidebehind the tree? to trip the elephant. Man Ki Shakti. The man answered that "when she was breaking the car he had slowly stepped out of the circle.the man and asked him not to step out of the circle." que)what happens when an elephant fallin the in a pool ans)he will get wet que)wht do an ant tell elephant and elephant goes in coma ans)i am pregrent with your baby Q: What did the banana say when the elephant stepped on it? A:Nothing because bananas can't speak. Elephant:18 years and such a small body looks as if you are very young." thereby he killed the ant . Bournvita!! Ant:Ok Elephant:What is your age? Ant:My age is 18 Years. On this the baby elephant got very angry and stamped his own hand on the ant present on his palm and said."I want to marry this ant and only this ant. Q:how do you know that there is an elephant in the fridge ? A:By the footprints on the butter once an elephant got hurt.He went to his father with the ant on his palm. why? to donate blood Ant:What is your age? Elephant:My age is 5 years.

“That’s great! Will I meet her at a party. he squished many little ants. Police officer: Excuse me. "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. come on. He said. A snail got mugged by two tortoises. "Not really." Once there were three turtles. When they got there. “You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you. Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can’t even ride a bicycle Baby snake to its mother: Are we poisonous? Mother: Why? Baby: Because I've just bitten my tongue! A frog went to an astrologer and was told. "What was that. "Your dog must be very intelligent. ''You have a drink named Steve?'' Witch: "I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. finally a year. son." said the man." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said." said the headmaster. I won't go!" What should you do if you find yourself in the same room as Frankenstein.” First cow: Moo Second cow: Baa First cow: What do you mean.Animal Jokes A man visited a headmaster who was playing chess with his dog. Upset. that's a lot of calories" An elephant was walking in a park. "Oh. One day they decided to go on a picnic. "Well. said the astrologer. Dracula.first his legs and then up all over his body. "I don't know. Yesterday I bit someone's ear off!" Doctor: "Oh dear. the ants began to crawl up on the elephant -. they realized they had forgotten the soda. Father Mouse jumped and said. Father?" asked Baby Mouse. and let’s eat the sandwiches. a vampire and a coven of witches? Keep your fingers crossed that it's a fancy dress party. . “Next term—in her biology class." Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother? For smoking in bed. A week went by. it all happened so fast!" A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says. they questioned him as to what happened. when the two turtles said. With each step he took. or what?” “No”. When he went to the police. then a month. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. "I've won three games out of four. "If you do. baa? Second cow: I’m learning a foreign Language. A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. a werewolf.” The frog said. that's why it's important to learn a second language. ''Hey. we have a drink named after you!'' The grasshopper looks surprised and says.

you've got a parrot." Mohit: "Did you put anything on it?" Gagan: "No. the ones on the ground began to yell. "Strangle him!!! Strangle him!!!" Teacher:Name an animal found in the desert? Rahul:Camel. you told me he was good for mice." The Pharmacist asks the duck.How long do you expect me to wait for half chicken ?Waiter:." said the first.'. "Have you got any parrotseed?" "Oh. he liked it plain. "But I'd like to grow one!" Once it was ant's birthday and she was looking beautiful in a lehenga-Chhunni.When the elephant came he took the ant in his hand and clapped and started singing 'Happy birthday to you. "My gun isn't loaded." you know that. As the only ant on the elephant hung on close to the elephant's neck. Timmy: How do you know? Ajay: When I asked him what is 2 . isn't that good for mice?" How can you tell if two octopus' are lovers ? They walk arm in arm in arm in arm! Two men were out hunting when one of them saw a rabbit. Teacher: Good.." "Well. "Quick. Ajay: My dog is very intelligent.When the elephant started feeling all the little ants on him. He doesn't go near them!" Shopkeeper: "Well. except for one..2 he kept quiet.name another animal found in the desert? Rahul:Another camel customer:. Gagan: "A dog bit me on the leg this morning." said the second. but the rabbit doesn't. Contributed by Ricky john:name 6 animals which live in the north pole. We can't go & kill half a hen! Why do gorrillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers A farmer concerned about well-meaning holiday makers feeding his horse.. and I know that. "No. "shoot it. have you?" said the man." said the boy." Customer: "When I bought this cat. he shook hard. "Give me a chap stick." said the first. fall to the ground. maria:3 polarbears and 3 seals. What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common? They're both extinct.. making all the little ants. "Will that be cash or charge?" . Shortly afterwards the horse had put a notice that said: Please do not pay attention to the above notice." "I can't." A duck walks into a drugstore and says to the Pharmacist.But alas the ant died.Until someone else order for the other half. signed: The horse A boy went into a pet_shop and said to the man behind the counter. The farmer put a notice that said: Please do not feed cakes and buns to the horse signed: The farmer.

after cutting one leg the frog can jump. after cutting the third leg the frog jumps with greater difficulty 4. What is the vampire's favourite slogan? Please Give Blood Generously once the couple visited the zoo. "Just put it on my bill."Okay."The lady says "Never mind I will be the most beautiful lady so he will come to me only. Couple asked watchman :. "Got any duck feed?" The clerk says. "No. Watchman to couple :. One was black."The lady says her second wish "I want to be the richest woman in the world. Once there was a scientist who was experimenting that whether a frog can jump or not after cutting his legs. "I've told you twice. They noticed that all the animals are laughing except donkey was not laughing.The lady says her third wish"Give me a small heartattack.I'll nail your feet to the floor. after 1 week the couple again visited the same zoo. and asks. we don't have duck feed.One of the animals had told a joke so every animal understood the joke except donkey didn't understood the joke. the duck once again walks in." Once a lady helps a frog from being eaten by a snake. "Got any duck feed?" The clerk tells him. Watchman said to couple :."Have you made your decision yet?" The chief pig came and said. we don't have a market for it so we don't carry it. A few pigs in Old McDonalds Farm were having a meeting on "How to treats them". after cutting the fourth leg the frog turns deaf. Once a upon a time there were 3 ants." said the brother.The frog tells her to ask him any three wishes. "I'm good." and leaves. but at least if you were on the radio. 2. Next day.we all think you take us for grunted. 3." "Got any duck feed?" What bird can lift the most? A crane.my husband is mine only."The lady says "Never mind.but her husband would get 10% more than what she wishes.why all animals are quiet but donkey is laughing.The duck replies."The frog says "But your husband will be 10% more handsome than you.not enyone else's. These are his observations 1.one was white and the other one was red. "Yes. "Got any duck feed?" Again the clerk says "No" and the duck leaves. "Got any nails?" "No. we've never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. The next day. today the same joke donkey has understood and he is laughing now. the duck again walks in to the feed store and asks.why all animals are laughing but donkey is not laughing. If you ask me again."The frog says"But your husband will be 10% more richer than you. "You think I'm that good?" "No." A little monster was learning to play the violin. the duck walks in and asks. aren't I?" he asked his big brother. After some time the farmer came and asked them. Couple :. after the the scecond leg the frog jumps with difficulty. I think you're terrible. "You should be on the radio." The duck leaves." The duck says. I could switch you off. They asked again to watchman.The lady says her first wish "I want to be the most beautiful lady in the whole world. . The next day.because 1 week ago there was a joke on which all animals were laughing and donkey didn't understood that joke." Baby snake to its mother: "Are we poisonous?" Mother: "Why?" Baby: "Because I've just bitten my tongue!" A duck walks into a feed store and asks. They noticed that all animals were quiet but donkey was laughing.

Elephant fell on Ant. So he said b'coz I suck humans blood. the red ant and the black ant asked the white ant why are you so white.ha!!ha!! Once Elephant and Ant were walking together.the black ant and the white ant asked the red ant why are u so red.then she replied b'coz I put fair and lovely. then the red ant and the white ant asked the black ant why are you so black..So he said b'coz i work in the sun. Why didn't Ant die? How do you start a teddy bear race? Say "ready teddy go!" What did the kangaroo say when she discovered her little roo was missing? My pocket's been picked! ..

. Husband:I can understand 100Rs but what are 10paise for. but what about 50 paise. prisnor-when i will come out judge-sooner&later Once upon a time a husband beat his wife and was sentenced to court.He gave it to me. Thief: Sir. but you still do not admit."On his shoulders!" Lawyer:Why did you enter the gate of a house? Thief:Sir. RAM: DEFINE A LAWYER. ' Its entertainment tax'. judge-what you do? prisnor-This & that judge-where you live? prisnor-here&there judge(to policeman)-Arrest him.The husband asked I understand about Rs. Judge:You beat your wife last night? you agree? Husband:yes Judge:You are fined Rs. The lawyer cabled his client overseas: "Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. "Take no chances . The rest are true stories. the judge answered." The lawyer asked where was it? The witness said. The man paid with crisp.Lawyer Jokes Q:Which gate can we eat? A:Colgate. A man was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area."No. embalming or cremation?" Back came the reply. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. Judge:oh!that's entertainment tax.After hearing all the dispute the judge gave him a penalty for Rs. Shall we order burial.I only saw his head through the window.10p.109." Lawyer: Four witnesses have seen you steal the cow.order all three.50.100. new $100 bills.on the gate it was written "You're WELCOME"." said the man."Did you see the murderer?" The witness replied. "They shouldn't put up such misleading notices. "It said FINE FOR PARKING HERE. Lawyer:When? Thief:When I showed him my gun.109." A lawyer charged a man $500 for legal services. Once a lawyer asked the witness. I can even produce a hundred witnesses who have not seen me stealing the cow. SHYAM: LAWYER IS A PERSON WHO RESCUES THE LAND FOR YOU AND KEEPS IT HIMSELF. The judge asked if he had anything to say in his defence. Lawyer:Why did you steal this man's watch Thief:I did not steal it.

50 for breaking a window Thief:(searches his wallet)Take this 100 Rs. once in court the people were talking to much and the judge said'"order order" and the lawyer said " tere kacche mein powder" . and his wife was sitting by his side.After the client left. note. the lawyer found that two bills had stuck together and he'd been overpaid by $100. “You're beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You're cute!” Well. "Should I tell my partner?" Judge:You have to pay Rs. "This extra money creates a real ethical dilemma." the lawyer said to himself.(gives the note) Judge:(searches his wallet)Nor do I have. His eyes fluttered open and he said.You can break another window There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery.I don't have change. the wife was dissapointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’? His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!” Lawyer: Why did you hit your husband with a chair? Wife: Because the table was too heavy too lift.

" The man replies "I have to take it to the shop to buy a tablecloth of its size" A tourist climbed out of his car in Connaught Place. "God . he came back to buy two more tickets. when will I see Bihar a rich . His neighbour saw this and asked him. U will never see it in your life time."I am sorry my son but.Today my teacher asked me to write down my father's occupation but i did'nt know the spelling of inspector.Other Jokes Son.So what did you write? Son.Saddam Hussain went to God & asked him "God . "Listen. Laloo seeing this was astounded and asked God "Why .I wrote WASHERMAN instead. I'll trust you anyway. He said to a man standing near the curb. ‘But there’s some fool at the gate who keeps tearing them up!’ Once. Father. A few minutes later he returned and bought two more." A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his study and said. Claims he's invisible. Teacher: "Why is honesty the best policy?" Student: "Because there is hardly any competition". Then Laloo Prasad Yadav went to lord and asked God . But it's all right. Wife-Our servant has stolen t he silver spoon.Why are you asking? Son. "Why are you taking that table out of your house. Would you watch my car while I visit this store?" "What?" the man huffed. “Yes”. puzzled. “Aren’t you the same gentleman who just bought two tickets and two others just a little while ago?” He asked. "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. "Tell him I can't see him." Then Musharraf went and asked God "Lord when will I see capture of Kashmir by Pakistan ?" God replied . I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. U will never see that in your life time " He too walks away sadly. Wife to husband: "Could you not have hired a better servant?" Husband: "Why? what happened?" Wife: "He stole the spoon you stole from the hotel." the tourist said. when will I see Iraq defeat USA?" God said. prosperous and developed state ?" God heard this and started crying. the ticket-seller opened the little door in the glass and spoke up. "Do you realize that I am a member of the Indian Parliament?" "Well no. after a short interval. New Delhi. When." The psychiatrist responded. Husband-which one? Wife-the one which we stole frome a hotel at kashmir.Father what is the spelling of inspector? Father. "I am sorry my son but. "I didn't realize that. replied the man plaintively." What kind of ant is good at adding up? An accountant A man bought tickets from the ticket win down of a theatre." Contributed by Sajal A man was struggling to get a table out of his house.

"I am sorry my son but. I’d like to cancel my order for fresh fruit salad. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said. "Well. upstairs. by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.” . I invested those ten cents in two apples. I sold the apple for ten cents. his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula. The depth of the Great Depression. How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it? By dropping it seven feet ." A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. “You need complete rest.37. but the cook has already opened the tin.press F1 to continue. There was an elderly man at home. rolled down the stairs and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies. As he grasped a warm. son. dying in bed. sir. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents.it won't break for the first six." Boss to his secretary: “I thought that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you had to see your dentist?” Secretary: “That’s right.” Waiter: “I am sorry. you see she learnt counting only at the age of five". With his last remaining strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet. Please advise me. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars. I continued this system for a month. it was 1932. The next morning. sir” Boss: “So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a young man?” Secretary: “That was my dentist” Sita: "How old is your sister?" Geeta: "Twenty five" Sita: "But she says that she is twenty" Geeta: "She is right in her own way. He smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies baking. his favorite kind. moist chocolate chip cookie. "Why did you do that?" "Those are for the funeral. Return to your office as soon as possible”. crawled to the landing. An error in computer: Keyboard not attached. After a careful examination the doctor suggested. I was down to my last nickel. he asked her.are U crying?" God replied. He fell out of bed. I am suffering from exhaustion. He wanted one last cookie before he died.I invested that nickel in an apple. Hari: "Where do birds meet for coffee ?" Pradeep: "In a nest-cafe!" Customer: “Waiter. at the end of the day. “Doctor. Gasping for breath. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom? It's time to go to sweep. I will never see that in my life time What did a telephone say to another telephone? "Let's get engaged" Our brain has two parts: left and the right The left one has nothing right in it and the right one has nothing left in it A government servant went to a doctor. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and." he said.

" "Well. comes up with a suggestion: If we close all the windows." The visitor is dumbfounded but manages to ask if the watch that provides all this information is Japanese. "Give me 200 baby chickens. Jonathan. not knowing much about cars. Then." The preacher just finished his sermon for the day and proceeded toward the back of the church for his usual greetings and handshaking as the congregation left the church. a week later the man returns. I’ll have a chicken burger. No. The first one said. get out. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road. ." the preacher said as he reached out to shake Joanthan's hand.An American who finds himself in Moscow wants to know the time. not knowing much about anything. “I hear the owner coming! Quick." says the Russian. a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. "It is 11:43 and 17 seconds. you are to be congratulated. “This is not the time to be superstitious!” Angry Judge in Court: Order." "Yes." the Russian answers. 13. it is "our own. straining to pick up the suitcases. an electrical engineer." said the man with a sigh. then open the windows again. the moon is nearing its full phase and the atmospheric pressure stands at 992 hectopascals and is rising. "Money." said Jonathan. As he was doing do he felt something in the palm of Jonathan's hand. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man. "I want you to have it. he is told. "Give me 500 baby chickens." A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming. A week later the man returns and says. jump out the window!” The second one said. The date is Feb. After a short pause Jonathan continued. He sees a man approaching him carrying two heavy suitcases and asks the fellow if he knows the correct time. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!" There are three engineers in a car. "but these batteries are still a little heavy."Give me 100 baby chickens. a product of Soviet Technology. that is wonderful. maybe it'll work!" There were two people were robbing an apartment." The co-op man complies. "My daddy says you're the poorest preacher we ever had and I want to help you. "It's for you!" "I don't want to take your money. and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong." The co-op man complies. "You must really be doing well!" "Naw. suggests that the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere. “Are you crazy? We’re on the thirteenth floor!” The first one said. "Certainly. Again. Order Defendant: If you insist. the Microsoft engineer. The chemical engineer. "What's this?" the preacher asked. Jonathan. "Good morning. The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. This time he says. setting down the two bags and looking at his wrist. get back in." said Jonathan with a big smile on his face. After shaking a few adult hands he came upon the seven year old son of one of the Deacons of the church." the preacher answered." "Wow!" the co-op man replies.

" said the first moron." -Contributed by HPS Jaya moron1:Why can't we see the Sun at night? moron2: Because it is too dark. "If I guess their number correctly. Q:Which coat can you can put on wet? A:A coat of paint POOJA:WHAT NATIONALITY ARE YOU? GLORY:MY FATHER IS FROM ICELAND AND MY MOTHER IS FROM CUBA. They would shave the mane of one. They asked each other which belonged to whom. I have a spare bomb in the back seat" Two morons walked towards each other on a country road. Rohan and Mohan got up on a double-decker bus. they put the horses in the shed and left. "Five. "What will happen if the bombs blast off now.Moron Jokes Once two morons got fed up with the Indian Government and decided to blow up the parliament." "OK. Suddenly Ramesh saw something that astonished him Ramesh: That’s a strange pair of socks you are wearing. When they came back the mane had grown back." The other says." Did you hear about the idiot who made his chickens drink boiling water? He thought they would lay hard boiled eggs." Binny: "There was a 'b' (bee) in this one." Binny: "You mean a rose? There is no 'b' in a rose. "OK I will take the black one you take the white one. On the way one moron asks the other. That one belonged to the 1st farmer. One guy asked the other guy "How they were going to tell which one belonged to whom?" After many long hours of thinking they finally came up with a solution. "What's in the bag?". said one moron "Chickens". "Don't worry. They decided to put the horses in a shed for one month while they went on vacation. frightened Rohan came down from the upper deck. Conductor: Why did you come down? Rohan: There is no driver in that bus. So. I’ve got another pair just like this at home. how many can I have?" "You can have both of them. One evening. They took 2 bombs. POOJA:SO YOU ARE AN ICECUBE? Once a moron was going on a walk when he saw an ant. One carried a bag over his shoulder.one green and one blue! Mohan: That’s funny. He hated ants and was . There were 2 morons and each had a horse. his nose was all swollen this morning?" Pratik: "He tried to smell a brose. After a short while. was the reply." Binny: "What happened to John. Then the 1st farmer said. Ramesh and Mohan met in a garden. put them in a suitcase in the front seat of their car and set off.

The moron then started clapping and singing. “Because I am not selling it!” Contributed by Anuj A moron ordered a pizza at a restaurant." said the moron "I could never eat twelve pieces. "How long does it take to fly from Delhi to London?" "Just a second. "I have been illiterate all these years!" A moron calls Air India. The first moron said.both do not exist.” ”Why?” asked the first. "Happy Birthday to you!. I'll sing and you dance. After nearly twelve hours. She says she would agree if he could bring her a pair of crocodile boots. Then he came to the column SALARY EXPECTED. checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and again barefeet!" Q." says the operator. "Thank you. Once two morons met at the Taj Mahal in Agra.What is common between a dinosaur and an intelligent sardar? Ans. "Good!" replies the man. etc. a search party is sent to find him." Once a moron was filling up an application form for a job. He was not sure as to what was to be filled there."ok. After much thought he wrote Yes. The waiter asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.Why?" The Second moron said:"That's a relief!What stupid city this is!I've been here a whole month searching for the Qutubminar!" A moron asks another: if your dog lost his tail where would you get another one from? Other moron: from a re-tail shop. Hearing this the moron picked the ant and said.He thought that it was Delhi and searched for taxies which would take him to the Red Fort. Every taxi driver told him he didn't know the road to the Red Fort. He walks over the reptile. let's celebrate your birthday. He chooses a frame and then asks the specialist. ADDRESS. After almost a month. Q:WHAT DO YOU CALL A SLEEPING BULL? ANS:BULLDOZER .” The second said “Stop thinking. "Will I be able to read after I wear these glasses?" "Sure!" says the specialist. The second replied. “I am thinking of buying Taj Mahal. Seeing this. A moron proposes a woman.. AGE..about to stamp it. He sets off to Africa and disappears. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME." and killed the ant while doing so Once a moron got down at Agra. "Six please. A moron goes to an eye specialist and asks him for a pair of glasses. The party finds him hunting crocodiles and watches him kill a huge one. the ant begged him not to stamp it today as it was it's birthday. the first moron asked:"Do you know the road to the Red Fort?" The second moron asked him:"When did you arrive here?" The first moron answered:"This morning." says the moron and hangs up. he met another moron.

once a young sardarji went out to get a college form. “You have wasted your bullet” Hunter: “Then how would have I killed the bird” Moron: “After falling from such a great height it would have died itself” How to keep a Moron busy? Ask him to sit in the corner of a round room."He works eight hours and sleeps eight hours but he got fired from hisjob because they are the same eight hours".A hunter shot a bird and it fell the ground and died.he did this because it was written on the form.he took the form and ran to delhi.PLEASE WRITE IN CAPITAL . A moron standing next to the hunter said.Or better still write PTO on both sides of a paper and hand it over to him!! A Lady was telling another lady about her husband.