BITTER HOMECOMING

Jan MacLean

What had changed him so drastically? The bitter, withdrawn Adam Deerfield who returned to Sevenoaks was not the man Kate had known. Whatever had happened to him in these past four years? Kate knew his going away had to do with his wife's death, though Adam refused to speak about it--the event so traumatic that his small daughter had not spoken a word since. Why would no one tell her what had really happened then? Could her new found love for Adam help lay the ghost of his past?

CHAPTER ONE ON the edge of the riverbank a palomino horse was grazing, its thick cream-coloured tail swishing the flies from its sleek flanks. It was saddleless with a braided leather bridle and reins hanging loosely to the ground. Scarcely ten feet away, under the shade of a spreading maple, came a rustle of movement in the grass. The horse whickered a greeting and ambled over to nudge with a velvet-soft nose the recumbent form of the girl resting there. 'Oh, Sandy, stop,' she said, pushing the horse's head to one side. 'You're getting half-chewed grass all over me!' She yawned. 'I must have fallen asleep. That'll teach me to stay out so late with Colin, won't it?' She scrambled to her feet, stretched with unconscious grace, and wandered down to the water's edge, where she knelt and bathed her face and arms in the cool brown water. 'I suppose we should go home, Sandy,' she murmured, casting a knowledgeable glance at the sun. 'It must be nearly five o'clock and Sondra does hate me to be late for dinner. But it's so beautiful here, I really don't want to leave.' She was standing on Deerfield land, and from long years of rambling and exploring she knew every tree and loved every contour of the surrounding countryside, and liked nothing better than to roam its hills and valleys. Her eyes followed the steady flow of the river downstream, and it was only then that she realised there was an interloper in her paradise: the distant figure of a man was trudging along the road towards her. Her eyes narrowed. Whoever he was, he must have taken the wrong turning at the crossroads, for the track now led only to Sevenoaks, the Deerfield farm. In sudden decision she gathered the reins and mounted; the palomino splashed across the river, the water rippling around its fetlocks. Once on the bank the girl urged

Sandy into an easy loping canter, her body perfectly attuned to the gait. She hoped the man had not come too far out of his way; it was a hot day for walking, and furthermore he appeared to be carrying somethingor someonewas it a child? Because the sun was in her eyes, it was difficult to see. Sandy swiftly closed the gap between them, carrying his rider under a grove of white-trunked birches; shaded from the sun's bright rays, the girl for the first time had a clear glimpse of the approaching figure, who was now only fifty or sixty feet away from her. He was tall, well-muscled and lean, although his looselimbed walk was marred by a limp; his thick, untidy hair was the colour of ripe wheat. Her heart leaped in her breast and in sudden panic her breathing became constricted. There was only one person in the world with that shade of hair, and he had vanished from her life four years ago. Unintentionally her hands jerked on the reins. Sandy, totally unused to such rough treatment, snorted and pirouetted in the dust, throwing back his head. 'Easy, boy, easy,' she soothed, her voice only a whisper in her throat. With knees that persisted in trembling she moved the palomino forward out of the shadow of the trees into the full glare of the sun. And now Adam Deerfield could see her as clearly as she could see him. He stopped dead in his tracks, staring at the girl as though she were an apparition. 'Kate?' he said huskily. 'Is it really you?' She nodded, completely unable to think of anything to say.

Adam stood motionless, the sleeping child clasped in his arms, his deep brown eyes slowly travelling over the girl from head to foot. She was wearing well-worn denim shorts and a faded blue T-shirt, but for all this simple garb she sat proud and straight on the restive horse. Her slender legs were already tanned a smooth honey gold, her slim feet bare. But it was her face that caught and held his attention. In the many months since he had last seen her, it had fined down, revealing an exquisitely modelled bone structure. Her brows were dark wings above eyes the startling blue of delphiniums; her hair had been casually gathered by a ribbon into a thick mass of blue-black curls that fell over one shoulder. 'You've changed,' he said slowly. She slid from the horse's back in one lithe movement. In the moments of silence that had parsed she had had the time to observe him as thoroughly as he had studied her. 'So have you,' she responded quietly. And so he had. He looked older than his thirty-five years with new lines engraved in the bronzed skin of his face; there was a watchfulness about him, a wariness that she did not remember having seen before. Nor could his close scrutiny of her disguise the bleak unhappiness that lay in his deep- set brown eyes. He had become a stranger ... Paralysed with shyness, Kathleen became aware that her hands were clasping the reins so tightly that her fingernails were digging into her skin. 'You've brought Nikki too,' she said finally. As though the child had heard her name, she stirred in Adam's arms, rubbed her little face against his sleeve, and wriggled to be put down. From the ground she regarded Kathleen soberly.

'Do you remember Kate, honey?' Adam said, smiling at the child in a way that took ten years- off his age and that absurdly brought a prickle of tears to Kathleen's eyes. 'Hello, Nikki,' Kathleen said softly, sensing the same wariness in the child that she had discerned in Adam, for Nikki's pudgy fingers were clinging tightly to her father's jeans. But then she smiled, a gap-toothed grin that dissipated Kathleen's own shyness. All at once she was pervaded with happiness. It was ridiculous of her to hang back, to feel overawed by the tall stranger in front of her. Adam had come home, dear Adam who had been like a brother to her for so many years, and whom she had sorely missed. She gave a laugh of pure delight. 'Oh, Adam,' she cried, 'it's marvellous to see you again!' She dropped Sandy's reins and ran towards him, flinging her arms around man and child with indiscriminate pleasure, her face buried in Adam's chest. Against her cheek she could feel the slow steady beat of his heart, and the warmth of his body seeping through his shirt. His skin smelled of soap and sweat, a totally masculine odour that she inhaled with secret delight. She had locked her hands behind his back, her palms flat against his spine; there was not an ounce of surplus weight on his chest. Then, to her utter consternation, she became aware of her own body soft and yielding against his, of a tingling in her limbs, of a longing to prolong the embrace. Horrified, she knew she had never felt this way before with Colin, or with anyone elseand now to feel it with Adam, whom she had always regarded as a combination of mythical hero and comforting big brother, a substitute for the brothers she had never had ... Even as these thoughts were racing through her mind, Adam's arms had automatically encircled her and for an instant returned her clasp, his muscles hard against her soft flesh. He bent his head,

as though to speak to her, and his face brushed the shining fall of her hair, its sweet scent invading his nostrils. His whole body tensed, as with almost brutal force he thrust her away from him, for it was a woman's rounded body he held in his arms, not that of an impetuous and tomboyish teenager. Shocked and uncomprehending, Kathleen stared up at him, her emotions in a turmoil, her cheeks hectically flushed. 'Why did you stay away so long?' she blurted. His mouth thinned cynically. 'Don't be naive, Kate,' he replied. 'A better question to ask would be why I've come back. That's one I'm not sure I can answer. Anyway, I don't expect I'll stay long, I've got used to a wandering life.' She was conscious of a knife-like thrust of pain that he should talk of leaving before he had even arrived. Her innate tact seemed to have completely deserted her, for she heard her voice say baldly, 'Your father's not well. He's confined to a wheelchair all the time now. He's still hoping you'll come home for good.' He flinched as though she had struck him. 'Well, he could be disappointed, then,' he said huskily. 'Anyway, is that any of your business?' The gross unfairness of this question took her breath away. 'Your father is my business,' she flared. 'If it hadn't been for him, I'd have ended up in an orphanage somewhere. I love him as though he was my own father.' 'Your temper hasn't improved in my absence,' he said so mockingly that she longed to slap him. His voice hardened. 'But nevertheless I meant what I said, Kathleenwhat's between my father and me is my business, not yours.'

'I wouldn't dream of interfering,' she snapped. Suddenly she had had enough of this reunion that should have been such a happyoccasion, and strangely was not. Her gaze dropped to Nikki, standing so quietly at her father's side. 'Would you like to ride Sandy up to the farm, dear?' she asked. 'You look tired.' The child said nothing, but she seemed to shrink a little closer to her father. Puzzled, Kathleen said lightly, 'The cat's got your tongue!' She added coaxingly, 'You're not scared of Sandy, are you? He's really very gentle and he has beautiful manners. Come over here and say hello to him.' She glanced up at Adam, expecting him to encourage his daughter to accompany her. But instead his eyes transfixed her with a glare of such murderous rage that she instinctively stepped back a pace, mentally casting back over her last few sentences in a vain effort to understand what she could have said to cause such a violent reaction. 'Nikki will stay with me,' Adam announced in tones of steel. Wanting only to hurt back, Kathleen said with thinly disguised sarcasm, 'Am I permitted to announce your arrival when I get home, or do you want to take them all by surprise? We scarcely have time to kill the fatted calf.' In a gesture of total weariness, he rubbed the beads of sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand, and unsuccessfully Kathleen tried to steel her heart against a surge of compassion. 'Of course you can tell them,' he said. 'But don't tell them anything elsethere's just too much you don't understand. Nikki and I will cut through the fields by the ford, it won't take us long to get there.' 'All right,' she said stiffly.

'Do you want a leg up?' And with these simple words she was catapulted back into the past, to a skinny twelve-year-old girl having her first lesson in riding bareback, to a younger, happier Adam uttering the identical words, to herself thrusting a booted foot into his cupped hands with the complete trust she had always accorded him. Against her better judgment she now said, 'Please,' one part of her mind wondering if he too was aware of these echoes from the past. He stooped in the dust, bracing his wrists against one knee. Acutely aware of his closeness, she placed one bare foot in his hands, her fingers resting butterfly-light on his shoulder for support as she threw the other leg over Sandy's broad back. Again a telltale flush stained her cheeks. 'Thanks. I'll see you both later,' she muttered, not daring to meet his eyes. She dug her heels into the horse's flanks, wheeled, and cantered off between the trees, ducking low over Sandy's neck to avoid snagging her hair in the branches. Once she was out of sight of Adam and Nikki she slowed Sandy to a trot, wanting time to collect herself before arriving home. But coherent thought seemed impossible; there were too many unanswered questions thronging her brain. Where had Adam been for the past four years? Why had he never written to her? And what was wrong with Nikki, who had always been such a sunnynatured outgoing child? Horse and rider emerged from the trees and paused for a moment on the bluff overlooking Sevenoaks. It was Kathleen's favourite view of her home, a home she cherished with all the intensity of her sensitive nature. The house was built on a slight slope with its colonnaded facade overlooking the river and shaded by the giant

old oak trees. Lee lived in the spacious west wing, Sondra, John and Kathleen in the main house, while the east wing, its stone walls ivy-covered, had only been used for guests since Adam had left. The sun glowed dully on the warm red roof tiles and glinted from the leaded window panes. Tall spikes of lupins nodded among the shrubs, in contrast to the vivid marigolds and poppies that edged the gravelled driveway; the lawn was an immaculate, close-cropped green. Kathleen gave an involuntary sigh of pleasureAdam would be seeing the house at its best. She discovered she did not want to think about Adam, so she turned Sandy to canter recklessly down the slope, pulling him up in front of the stables where early roses hung red and yellow and pink on neat white trellises. For once she was oblivious to their beauty. She led Sandy into the stable's cool darkness, with its mingled odour of leather and horseflesh and hay, not even noticing the man in the adjoining stall. 'Not speaking to me today, Kathie?' he said with the ease of long familiarity. She jumped. 'Lee! You scared me.' She grinned ruefully, pushing a long strand of black hair off her face, and unwittingly leaving a streak of dirt on her cheek. 'I didn't even see you.' He leaned indolently against the stable door. At first glance he looked very like his half-brother Adam, although closer scrutiny might have revealed a shallowness to his pale blue eyes, a cruel twist to his mouth. 'Daydreaming about Colin, eh?' he suggested slyly. She looked at him blankly. 'No. I wasn't even thinking about him.' His gaze sharpened. 'What's up?'

With a total lack of finesse she announced, 'Adam's come home.' She had not consciously considered how he would react to the news of his brother's return, or perhaps she might have broken it a little more gradually. His hand, which had been idly smoothing the stirrup hanging on the doorpost, clenched so suddenly that he jerked the stirrup off the hook and it clattered to the floor; Kathleen did not think he was even aware of its fall. 'That's not my idea of a very funny joke,' he snapped. 'But I'm not joking,' she protested. 'Then what the hell do you mean, he's come home?' Obscurely frightened by the repressed violence in his voice, she explained jerkily, 'I met him on the road to the farm. He was walking, carrying Nikki. He says he's only staying a few days.' 'That's a few days too many!' Lee interrupted viciously. 'And where the devil has he been the past four yearsdid he tell you that?' 'No.' The monosyllable hung in the air between them. She too had been wishing Adam had not been so reticent about his whereabouts. 'I bet he didn't. What about Dad and Sondra? Do they know?' 'I haven't been up to the house yet.' Kathleen hesitated, then added impulsively, 'Lee, what's wrong? Aren't you glad he's come back? He's your brother, after all.' With a visible effort Lee loosened his hold on the doorpost and produced a thin-lipped smile. 'Only a half-brother, remember, but I

guess you took me by surprise,' he muttered, shifting uncomfortably under her clear-eyed scrutiny. 'Forget it, Kathleenof course I'm glad he's back. But just the same I'd better warn Dad. Sudden shocks, of however pleasant a nature, aren't good for him, are they?' 'I'll come with you,' the girl declared, not really understanding why it should be important to accompany Lee when he broached the news of Adam's return to Johnonly knowing that she was going to be there. 'You'd better finish grooming Sandy, hadn't you?' 'Oh, no, he's fine. He gets far too much attention as it is,' Kathleen replied jokingly, rubbing the palomino's forelock. 'Let's go.' With rather bad grace Lee preceded her from the stable's dimness into the sunlight, and together they walked along the tree-lined lane to the house. But they were too late to tell John. For, standing in the driveway as still as a statue, staring up at the house, was Adam.

CHAPTER TWO KATHLEEN'S heart leaped in her breast and again she was conscious of that curious sensation of breathlessness. But even stronger she felt a strange sense of inevitability, of fate moving in events now beyond her control. Adam belonged here, she knew, for somehow his long-limbed frame, his thrown-back head, dominated the house and its surroundings in an unconscious mastery that Lee would never achieve, no matter how hard he tried. And she was equally sure that Adam had to be persuaded to stay at Sevenoaks ... only here could he exorcise the demon that had driven him into an exile of loneliness and pain. Adam was so absorbed in his private thoughts that Kathleen and Lee had almost reached him before he noticed them. He spared the girl one swift glance that raked her slim figure from head to toe with an intensity that brought a nervous flush to her cheeks. Then his gaze shifted to his younger brother. There was an instant of charged silence. Kathleen looked at Lee, mentally pleading with him to show some pleasure. But all he said was, 'Well, Adam ' Adam smiled crookedly, a smile that did not reach his eyes. 'So you're like the rest of them, are you?' he said in a level tone so devoid of feeling that the girl felt like crying; no one should evince such iron self-control. She dared not think how he had learned it. 'Adam, what do you mean that he's like the rest of them?' she said sharply. His eyes hard as stone, Adam scathingly replied, 'Don't play the innocent, Kate. You know perfectly well what I'm talking about.' Before she could protest or argue, he turned back to Lee. 'I

suppose I should be commending you on your honesty, little brother,' he drawled. 'At least you're making no pretence about rolling out the red carpet, are you?' Lee tried to avoid his brother's basilisk stare. 'You'd better come in and see Dad,' he said weakly. For a moment Kathleen wondered if Adam's mask had slipped; had she imagined the flash of feeling that crossed his features? She could not be sure. Wanting desperately to end this strained meeting of the two brothers, she said with false gaiety, 'Yes, he'll be in the study having a sherry before dinner.' She tucked Adam's unresponsive arm in hers. 'Come along, I'll go with you.' She smiled down at Nikki and held out her other hand. 'You must be thirsty, dear, I'll get you some lemonade as soon as you've said hello to your grandparents.' Even as she spoke, she felt Adam's arm muscles tense against hers. Roughly he pulled his hand away. 'I'm quite capable of finding the study on my own,' he grated. 'Or are you forgetting I've lived here most of my life?' With a quiet dignity that became her Kathleen said, 'I know you can find the study, Adam. But I would prefer to come with you anyway.' His eyes bored into hers, and despite their hardness, she had the oddest sensation that he was glad of her support. 'Come along, then,' he said gruffly. Up the wide stone steps and through the double front door into the coolness of a high-ceilinged hall... with sharpened vision Kathleen found herself seeing the house afresh, just as Adam would be seeing it. Against pale grey walls Impressionist paintings glowed like jewels, their vivid hues reiterated in the Tobruk carpet on the

polished oak floor. A mahogany corner cabinet housed part of Sondra's collection of ceramics, while a pottery bowl of scarlet roses graced the Sheraton table. From the study on her left Kathleen could hear the murmur of conversation, John's deep bass and Sondra's well-bred accents. She could not forbear stealing a quick glance at her companion and again was struck by his almost inhuman control. He was about to be reunited with his father after a long absence and looked as though he were anticipating nothing more than an ordinary meeting. But then, as though he, felt her concern, he looked down into her anxious blue eyes and she knew instinctively he was finding this moment the most difficult of his return. , She smiled encouragingly, all the warmth of her generous nature visible in her face, and called out, 'John! I have a wonderful surprise for you!' Before Adam could protest, she had grabbed his hand and pulled him into the room with her, her feet sinking into the beige shag rug. If the study lacked the elegance of some of the other rooms of the house, it was still a very comfortable place. Its vast picture windows surveyed a sweeping panorama of fields and hills, shadowed green in the late afternoon sun. The stone fireplace dominating the south wall was flanked by bookshelves, for John was an avid reader; the remainder of the room was panelled in mellow knotty pine. Copper bowls of homely nasturtiums stood on the hearth. John, handsome and silver-haired, was in his wheelchair by the window, at his side a delicate Oriental table of inlaid wood bearing a crystal sherry glass. Sondra, as elegant as a Vogue model, occupied a French antique chair, its intricately carved beauty somehow matching her own. As Kathleen ushered Adam into the

room, a fleeting emotion twisted Sondra's perfect features. Aghast, Kathleen knew it had been anger, a blazing rage so swiftly banked that the girl wondered if she could have imagined it... for why should Sondra be angry because of Adam's return? Of John's reaction there was no doubt. He half rose in his chair, supporting himself on arms still strongly muscled. Joy radiated from his lined features and shone in the brown eyes that were so like his older son's. 'Adam,' he said huskily. 'Oh, son ... if you only knew how I've waited for this moment.' In three quick strides Adam left Kathleen's side. Half- kneeling, he crushed his father's body in a strong embrace, his blond head buried in John's shoulder. Two tears coursed silently down the older man's face. A lump in her throat, Kathleen turned away, not wanting to intrude on a scene so intensely private. But she could not help noticing how Sondra was frozen to her chair, her manicured nails digging into its priceless embroidered fabric, her pale eyes cold and calculating; and again Kathleen was shocked by so strange a reaction. Adam got to his feet. As Kathleen watched incredulously, Sondra's face softened and warmed, and in a graceful gesture she- held out her arms. 'Welcome home, Adam dear,' she said softly, just the suggestion of a catch in her voice. It was the performance of a consummate actress. Sick at heart, Kathleen stared out of the window. She had never felt entirely comfortable with Sondra, whose facade of charm and poise somehow precluded closeness. When she was younger Kathleen had dared to hope that the beautiful Sondra would come to replace her own lost and well- loved mother; but this had never happened,

and Kathleen's scarcely articulated dream had faded away. Sondra made John happyindeed he doted on her and indulged her every whimand this was enough for Kathleen. But now, unwittingly, Sondra had revealed a less pleasant side to her character and Kathleen was suddenly frightened by the repercussions already spreading from Adam's return ... Lee's unaccountable hostility ... Sondra's anger and duplicity ... a new side to herselffor she had not been able to forget her own response to Adam's embrace; her cheeks burned as she recalled how brazenly she had clung to' him, rejoicing in the strength of his taut muscles, the feel of his warm skin. Only John seemed wholeheartedly happy to have Adam home. It was John's voice that brought her back into the present. 'Dinner must be nearly ready, son, and I'm sure you remember how perturbed Mrs Hicks gets if we aren't all gathered in the dining room on time. So why don't you and the wee girl go to your roomit's always been kept ready for your return, because I knew one day you'd come back. Freshen up a bit and join us all for dinner. We can talk then. But Adam'the old man's voice trembled'don't ever leave again without letting me know first?' 'No, Dad, I won't,' Adam promised with an answering huskiness. 'Come on, Nikki love, time we washed those grubby paws of yours.' Together they left the room. 'I'd better get ready too,' Kathleen said lightly, not meeting Sondra's eyes. 'See you in a few minutes.' Slowly she walked upstairs to her bedroom, where she stood in front of the mirror gazing at her reflection as though she had never seen it before. She was not a vain girl, and now regarded her windblown black curls, flushed cheeks and undeniably shabby clothes with disfavour. She looked about fifteen, she thought in disgust, not

asking herself why this should all at once be important. Stripping off her brief garments, she showered, splashing on reckless quantities of her precious supply of Arpege bath oil. She brushed her hair into a loose cluster of curls on the crown of her head, made up her face with care, and put on a new peasant dress, its gathered bodice and low neckline emphasising the soft swell of her breasts, its flowered and ruffled skirt swirling about her slender legs. Thin-strapped sandals, gold hoops in her ears, and she was ready. She ran from the room and took the stairs two at a time in a billow of gaily patterned cotton. Adam was waiting in the hallway. When she caught sight of him she inadvertently tripped on the last stair rail and literally fell into his arms. 'Do you always come downstairs like that?' he asked, genuine amusement in his voice. Steadying herself with her hands against his chest, she was delighted to see how much younger he looked when he was smiling. Her mouth quirked in response. 'Don't you remember I was always late for everything?' she demanded. 'I don't seem to have improved much.' Deliberately he held her away from him, while he surveyed her in a leisurely fashion. 'I wouldn't say that,' he remarked drily. She blushed, her eyes bright as twin sapphires as she bravely held his gaze with her own. With one finger he traced the exquisite moulding of her cheekbone and the softness of her cheek. 'You're glad I've come back, aren't you, little Kate?' he said softly. All her doubts were forgotten in his presence. 'Yes.' Her unequivocal reply satisfied him, she was sure. She gathered her courage and added, 'Please, Adam, don't leave us again,'

He released her, stepping back a pace, while the warmth fled from his face and he again became a formidable stranger. 'I'll do what I have to do,' he said coldly. 'I can't promise anything, Kate. And now if we're going to keep in the cook's good graces, we'd better go and eat.' Despite Kathleen's forebodings, the meal went smoothly, largely due to John's skilful steering of the conversation into a variety of neutral subjects. Adam had always been a favourite of Mrs Hicks, so she had excelled herself; creamy smooth Vichyssoise preceded a beautifully arranged lobster salad platter and a dessert of baked Alaska. Kathleen was sitting across the table from Nikki, where she couldn't help noticing the little girl's wide-eyed wonder as one course followed another; clearly she had riot been used to meals such as this. Sondra, who had been chatting vivaciously with Adam, broke off to enquire, 'Did you have enough to eat, Nikki?' Nikki nodded, a shy smile curving her rosebud mouth. 'Would you like more dessert? Mrs Hicks always makes enough for seconds, you know.' 'I think she's had more than enough,' Adam interrupted. 'It's just about her bedtime, too.' 'You can have the green room next to your daddy, Nikki, or the little pink room that used to be yours when you were a baby,' Sondra continued. 'Which would you prefer?' The child shot a glance of appeal at her father, but Adam had begun talking to John and did not notice.

'I asked you a question, Nikki,' Sondra persisted, the slightest edge of impatience in her normal dulcet tones, 'Tell me which room you'd like so the housekeeper can make the bed for you. Kathleen felt her stomach tighten with tension. Something was badly wrong, although she did not know what. Nikki was huddling back in her chair, her brown eyes huge in her thin face. Was she too shy to answer, too overawed by a room whose understated magnificence Kathleen took for granted, but which could well intimidate a small child not used to such surroundings? 'It's all right, Nikki,' Kathleen said gently. 'Don't be shy.' But Sondra was not to be deflected. 'Your daughter needs a lesson in good manners, Adam,' she said cuttingly. Adam had been chuckling at some quip of John's. He turned abruptly, the laughter dying from his face. 'I'm sorry, Sondra, I didn't hear you. What did you say?' 'I said Nikki needs a lesson in deportment. She won't answer even the simplest questions.' In one swift glance Adam assessed Nikki's frozen stillness and Sondra's air of self-righteous rectitude. He patted his daughter's knee reassuringly and said in even tones, 'I should have explained Nikki's ... problem sooner, Sondra, then we wouldn't have had this misunderstanding. I apologise.' He halted momentarily, as though searching for the right words. 'Problem?' Sondra repeated impatiently. 'What on earth are you talking about?' But before he answered, Adam's eyes sought out Kathleen's. Her whole attention was riveted on him, because intuitively she

realised it was torture for him to speak of his daughter's troubles, for which he plainly held himself responsible. She longed to comfort and support him, and perhaps her expressive features revealed this longing, for Adam took a deep breath and said with outward calm, 'Nikki hasn't spoken a word since the day Leslie was killed. She saw it happen, Sondra, you surely remember that? The doctors and believe me, I've had her to the best specialists in the countryhave a long and complicated explanation for it, and that one day she'll start to speak again as though she's never stopped.' 'You mean the child's retarded?' Sondra demanded. His words clipped with anger, Adam retorted, 'No! Far from it. She understands everything that's going on and her school work is excellent. But because of the shock she had that day, she developed a mental block against speechit will come back one day, but until then she needs all the patience and love we can give her.' 'This modern psychology!' Sondra sniffed. 'In my day we wouldn't have got away with such behaviour.' 'Really, Sondra,' John said mildly, 'I think we have to accept Adam's explanation, and I'm sure we all hope she'll be cured as soon as possible. You never know, son,' he addressed Adam fondly, 'perhaps coming home to the farm will be the best thing for her.' There was an appreciable pause. 'I haven't said I'm staying, Dad,' Adam said quietly. Lee, who had hitherto scarcely spoken a word, leaned forward, as intent as a snake upon its prey. 'I, for one, would like a few gaps filled in,' he said smoothly. 'So why don't you tell us where you've

been all this time, Adam? And what brought you here today out of the blue?' , Kathleen made a tiny sound of protest, for these were cruel questions. But this time Adam had no need of her support. 'I think the best thing for me to do is put this young lady to bed'he affectionately tousled his daughter's hair'before she falls asleep in her chair. Then why don't we adjourn to the study with our coffee and liqueurs, and perhaps we can talk then.' Without realising she was even going to speak, Kathleen heard herself say, 'May I help you with Nikki?' Adam's sardonic gaze flicked over her. 'Well, if you want to.' Somewhat deterred by his lukewarm response, but not wanting him to realise it, Kathleen took Nikki's limp hand in hers. 'Come on, love, bedtime,' she said. The three of them left the dining room together, Adam holding the door for them. As Kathleen's arm brushed his sleeve, she was swept by a confusing sense of his nearness, of the sheer size of his hard male body. Glad he could not see her warm cheeks, she preceded him down the hallway and through the double oak doors into the east wing. Only rarely had she entered here during his absence, so that now she looked around with heightened interest. The rooms had been kept in apple-pie order, while a summer breeze wafted in the windows through pristine net curtains. Adam led Nikki into his own room, that had retained its aura of masculine simplicity, with its pale blue walls and plain white woodwork. Two magnificent seascapes hung on either side of the fireplace; ship models, each a perfect replica of an actual vessel, rested in alcoves on the opposite wall. The vast white-canopied

bed stood on a luxuriously thick wool rug of a deep aquamarine hue. And instantly Kathleen was again transported into the past ... she had been fifteen, a gay, impetuous teenager. She had been to a barn dance that evening, and had wanted to tell Adam and Leslie all about it. So at eleven o'clock at night she had knocked on this very door. 'Come in,' his deep voice had said. She had peeped around the door. 'Leslie, guess what?' she had crowed, and then had stopped in consternation, for Adam was alone in the bed, propped up against the pillows reading. 'Where's Leslie?' she had faltered. 'Leslie's been sleeping in the green room lately,' had been the level reply. 'She hasn't been feeling well, and didn't want to disturb me.' Young as she was, Kathleen had been perceptive enough to know that this was, if anything, only a partial explanation. The revelation that Adam and Leslie no longer shared a room (several months later she heard the servants gossiping about it, so knew matters had not changed) had come as a severe shock to her; unthinkingly she had always accepted their marriage as perfect, for who could possibly be unhappy married to Adam? That it was far from perfect was knowledge she quickly buried in her subconscious, having no idea how to handle it. She had given Adam a brief and somewhat strained account of the dance and had escaped to her own room ... 'You look as though you're seeing ghosts.' So correct was Adam's assessment that Kathleen gave a shiver of superstitious fear. But she managed to say quite matter-of-factly, 'Mmm ... I came to help, not to daydream, didn't I? I'll start the bath.'

Although Nikki was initially overawed by the splendour of the bathroom, she was soon wiggling her little toes in the velvety brown carpet and peering at her distorted image in the gleaming gold fixtures. As she perched herself on the wicker chair in one corner, Kathleen could tell that bath-time was obviously a longestablished ritual between Adam and Nikki. The essential soap and water scrubbing were quickly dispensed with; bright plastic toys from Nikki's case bobbed on the water and swimming strokes were practised, during which a considerable amount of water found itself on the walls, the carpet, and on Adam, who finally peeled off his shirt in laughing protest. Casually he passed it to Kathleen; it was warm from his body, and she sat with it in her lap, admiring the smooth ripple of muscles in his back. His powerfully built torso was already deeply tanned; a tangle of blond hair covered his chest and forearms. Whatever tensions and pain had created the lines in his face had been pushed aside momentarily; his whole attention was given to his daughter, and the warm current of love and trust that flowed between them touched Kathleen to the heart. But in addition, she found that his intense masculinity, which he seemed to take for granted, was disturbing her far more than she cared to admit. She wondered if the reason for the brevity of his visit could be that somewhere a woman was waiting for him to return to her. Or had he been faithful to Leslie's memory, and consequently celibate for four long years? Somehow it did not seem likely. Women would find irresistible his thick golden hair, his lips, firm yet with a hint of sensuality, his lean powerful body, and would long to penetrate the barrier of pride and bitterness he had erected against the world. What was the name of the woman waiting for him? Kathleen wondered. Was she young and beautiful? Did she love him? And did he love her?

These alien thoughts were followed by a wave of unhappiness so acute that she almost, cried out. What was wrong with her, that she should be so deeply affected by the thought of someone who, for all she knew, might not even exist? And what would Colin think if he could read her mind right now? Dear, dependable Colin, to whom she owed considerable loyalty ... Adam had lifted Nikki's slippery body out of the bath and was vigorously drying her with a fluffy pink towel. With unselfconscious fervour the little girl flung her arms around her father's neck, pressing her face into his shoulder in a spontaneous gesture that needed no words. Adam held her close, his big body an arc of protective tenderness. He glanced up, to find Kathleen's gaze, wide-eyed and troubled, focussed on him. For a brief moment all the barriers were down. His own eyes, warm and oddly vulnerable, met hers, while his generous smile invited her to share a moment of closeness. Totally defenceless against his appeal, Kathleen felt her own lips curve in response, and she murmured softly, 'I'm sure she'll be all right one day soon, Adam. It's easy to see how much she loves you. And you love her too.' He nodded, running gentle fingers-through Nikki's dark curls. 'Yes.' He gave a sharp sigh. 'She's all I have left of Leslie.' There was an infinitesimal pause before he addressed his daughter briskly, 'Well, young lady, bedtime. I'll read her the regulation chapter from Winnie the Pooh, Kate, and then I'll come down and join you in the study.' She had been dismissed. His swift change of mood was disconcerting, but quietly Kathleen got up from her chair, smiled brightly at Nikki and said, 'Goodnight, dear. I'll see you tomorrow. We can go and see the puppies in the barn, if you like.' The spark

of delight in Nikki's mobile little face was answer enough. Without looking at Adam again, Kathleen left the room. Some fifteen minutes later Adam joined them in the study. In the interim he had changed into tight-fitting corduroy trousers and a cream silk shirt, that set off the fairness of his thatch of hair; he looked tough and resourceful and somehow almost dangerous, that fleeting moment of vulnerability vanished as though it had never been. With the air-of a man very much at home he poured himself a drink from the crystal decanter on the sideboard and wandered over to the window, staring out over the valley. The sun had set behind the hills, leaving the sky rose-tinted. High in the heavens the first stars twinkled. 'I'd forgotten how peaceful it is here,' he said finally. 'You mean you'll stay?' There was a pathetic eagerness in John's voice. Perhaps only Kathleen noticed how Adam's fingers clenched the window ledge as he looked steadfastly at his father and said, 'I'd like to stay, believe me, John, but I need more time.' He turned his head towards Kathleen, who was sitting on the velvet-covered chesterfield with her feet tucked under her ruffled skirt, her head with its crown of dark hair held proudly on her slender neck. As though speaking to her alone, he said, I think it would do Nikki all the good in the world to be back here. She needs stability and a home ... even though tonight I'm not sure she liked being so close to Leslie's old room again ...' Is it she who doesn't like that or is it you, Adam? Kathleen wondered silently. How foolish she had been to worry about an unknown woman somewhere else! It was becoming increasingly clear to her that Adam was still tied to his dead wife by bonds

whose nature she did not yet understand ... nor did she understand how soon she would long to return to this blissful state of ignorance. 'In that case, Adam,' Sondra interjected smoothly, 'if you stay would you consider living in the cottage with Nikki? We've fallen into the habit of using your wing for guests since you left, and it would probably be more convenient for the servants to continue that way.' 'Really, Sondra, the cottage isn't in a fit state for anyone to live in it,' John expostulated, but before he could say anything further Adam interrupted him. 'That sounds like a great idea, Sondra. I'm used to roughing it and I need space. The cottage would be lessconfining.' But Sondra isn't thinking of Adam's welfare, Kathleen thought with sharp clarity; for some reason it doesn't suit her to have Adam in the house, she wants him kept apart from the rest of us. But why? Then she had to push these questions to the back of her mind, for Lee spoke, ostensibly joking yet with a cutting edge to his voice. 'With all this talk of confinement, it sounds as though you've been in jail,' he sneered. 'Why don't you fill in a few gaps, Adam? We're very curious to know where you've spent the last four years and what you've been up to.' Without visible emotion Adam accepted the challenge implicit in Lee's questions. 'As you know,' he began, 'I went directly from here to Edmonton -' 'How would we know that?' Lee demanded. 'You seem to be forgetting we haven't heard a word from you in four years.'

'That's right,' John agreed heavily. 'Why did you never write, Adam? We were so worried about you ... we thought something must have happened to you ... just as it had with Leslie.' Adam's eyes had narrowed, his brows drawn together in a formidable frown as he regarded his father's figure in the wheelchair. 'I wrote to you twice,' he said, his very lack of emphasis making his words totally convincing. 'As soon as I got to Edmonton I sent you my address and said I'd stay there for a couple of weeks until I'd heard from you. But you never answered.' 'We didn't get the letter,' John replied. 'God! If only I'd known that you'd written ...' Unconsciously Kathleen's fingers were pleating the folds of her skirt, while her all-too-vivid imagination supplied her with an image of Adam, the wound of Leslie's death still raw and painful, waiting day after day for a letter that didn't arrive. 'Why didn't you phone?' she blurted, unable to remain silent. He surveyed her sombrely, yet she was sure he was not really seeing her at all, but was trapped in the memory of those bleak and lonely days. 'I guess I gradually came to the conclusion that, like the rest of the town, you were blaming me for Leslie's death ... when you didn't write, I was far too proud to beg.' 'But you said you'd written twice,' Lee interrupted, his pitiless eyes fastened on his brother's taut face. 'That was later,' Adam continued. 'When the two weeks were up, Nikki and I went north to the oilfields. I worked on the rigs and on construction up there; the cook at one of the camps took care of Nikki during the day. I'd been there about six months when I wrote the second letter.'

'We didn't get that one either,' said John, and then repeated, 'If only I'd known you'd written, Adamit was after you left that I had the stroke and ended up in this thing.' He hit the arm of the wheelchair with the flat of his hand, all the frustration of a once active man in the gesture. 'A letter from you would have made all the difference.' 'Providing there was such a letter,' Lee said softly. Adam's head snapped up, a blaze of anger in his deepset eyes. 'What the hell do you mean by that?' 'Well, we only have your word for it, don't we? I can see one letter going astraybut two? Surely that's a bit too much of a coincidence.' John spoke sternly. 'I won't have you making these insinuations, Lee. Adam's word was always good enough for me, and I see no reason to change now. If he says he wrote two letters, then he wrote two letters. Maybe we'll never know what happened to them, but the fact that they were sent has lifted a burden from meI couldn't understand how you could have just disappeared without a word, Adam.' 'I wonder what did happen to them,' Adam mused. 'Lee has a pointtwo could hardly go astray.' 'We'll probably never know,' John reiterated, a touch of the old impatience on his voice. 'Come and sit here, Adam, and tell me about the oilfields ... it must have been damned hard work?' 'Yeah,' Adam agreed, with a reminiscent grin. 'We had a fire in one of the rigs a couple of years agoyou probably heard about it on the news. There was some excitement then, let me tell you ...'

It was quite late by the time Sondra insisted, with a pretty air of possessiveness, that John must get to bed. 'He's not as strong as he used to be, Adam,' she said lightly. 'The years you were away were hard on him. In fact, I sometimes wonder if he would have had the stroke at all if he hadn't been worrying about you.' Adam winced at the implied reproof. 'That's nonsense, Sondra,' John said sternly. 'But, Adam, I know you won't go away again without telling us, will you?' he added, a desperate seriousness underlying the simple question. 'I won't, Dad, I promise. Goodnight ... and it's good to be home again.' Their hands gripped, a strong clasp that spoke volumes. Kathleen sat quietly, suddenly shy when she and Adam were at last alone in the room. Wordlessly he walked over to her and held out one hand. She took it trustingly in one of hers, letting him pull her to her feet. Switching out the light, he led her to the window. A crescent moon hung suspended in the black velvet sky where stars glittered and shone with cold brilliance. Even through the night the dark bulk of the hills was discernible against the horizon. Every nerve in Kathleen's body was aware of her hand nestling warm in her companion's. She looked up at his profile, knowing that he was no longer the safe, brotherly Adam of her memories; he had become a disturbing and unpredictable stranger, who in a brief few hours had turned her secure little world upside down. She stood silently at his side, for once blind to the summer night's beauty. 'This is home, Kate,' he said slowly. 'You don't know how much I've missed it.'

Her throat was dry, nor could she think of anything to say. She was swamped with foreboding, with an intuitive dread for the secrets his return would uncover, secrets best left buried ... 'Kate,' he whispered huskily. 'Little girl-child, who has turned into a woman.' He bent his head to brush his lips against hers, gossamer-light. Unconsciously she swayed towards him, her body boneless in his arms. But as quickly as it had come, his mood of tenderness had evaporated. His fingers tightened so cruelly on her soft flesh that she winced with pain. 'You really have no idea of how beautiful and desirable you are, have you?' he demanded. 'You're as innocent as a newborn babe, Kate. Has no one ever warned you against kisses in the moonlight?' As she shook her head, a loose tendril of silken hair drifted across one cheek. He drew a sharp breath and deliberately released her, moving back a pace. 'Well, I'm warning you now. Don't have trysts by the light of the moon unless you're prepared for the consequences.' Her chin tilted defiantly. 'You're treating me like a child,' she accused him coldly. 'I'm almost twenty-one, and not totally without experience, you know.' This last statement was hardly true, for none of Colin's undemanding embraces had in any way prepared her for the consuming flame that had raced through her body when Adam's mouth had so briefly touched hers. 'You're still the little spitfire you always were,' he said, giving a mocking grin and apparently quite unmoved by her anger. 'Off to bed with you! And remember what I said don't play with fire unless you want to get burnt.'

'Oh, don't be such a prig!' she exploded. 'And I didn't ask for your advice ... you'd think you were my father, the way you're talking!' 'Go to bed, Kate, before I show you I'm not your father.' He took one step towards her, his broad-shouldered bulk huge in the gloom, a gleam of menace in his eye. Genuinely frightened, she retreated warily to the door, then whirled on her heel and fled from the room. When she reached the bedroom, she shut the door with unnecessary force, went to the window, and tried to cool her flushed cheeks against the pane, as she recalled every detail of the tte--tte downstairs. Her face burned in the darkness. Adam was a sophisticated mail of the world, and had been quite correct in his estimation of her complete inexperience. How her eager response to his far from passionate kiss must have amused him! She writhed with shame, wishing with all her heart that she could erase the memory of his hands scorching her skin.

CHAPTER THREE THE grey light of dawn seeped gently into Kathleen's room, while a robin carolled its greeting to the new day. She lay quietly, trying to recapture sleep, but her mind and heart teemed with the excitement of Adam's unexpected return. Mentally she re-lived the incredulous moment of recognition on the dusty road to Sevenoaks, when she had realised that Adam had come home; her instinctive blaze of joy had revealed how deeply she had missed him since the cold and rainy day of Leslie's funeral when he had disappeared without a trace. For a while the ache of his absence had been almost unbearable; however, the weeks and months had melted together and her life had picked up its strands and gone on without him. But now, for whatever reason, he had come home ... Bursting with an emotion that was new to her and as yet undefined, she decided not to fight her restlessness any longer. She dressed quickly in blue jeans and checkered shirt and moved quietly out into the upper hallway, braiding her thick black hair as she went. She was greeted by an all- pervading silence, and pausing, she was again filled with the unutterable excitement of knowing that here in this house, Adam again slept in his old room. She walked softly down the stairs, and across the spacious lower hall, her footsteps cushioned by the rich red carpeting. Slipping quietly out of the house, she made her way across the lawn to the stables, thinking as she went how much she loved this old home and all of the memories it held for her ... laughing summer days and crisp, clear winter nights. She always felt so integrated, so close to the earth and the cycle of the seasons when she was here at Sevenoaks, never really being comfortable and complete anywhere else. There had been times of exile, for Sondra had literally forced her to spend the two years after she had completed high school in Halifax, had even managed to convince John that it

was best for . her, that she needed an education to prepare her, as Sondra put it, for gainful employment. They had been lonely years for Kathleen, passing slowly, or so it seemed at the time. She had lived for the weekends at Sevenoaks, but even they had been shadowed by the prospect of Sunday afternoons and the train journey back to the school. Although those years were now only a blurred memory of loneliness and homesick tears, best forgotten, she could still remember how passionately she had longed to abandon her studies in Halifax and come back to Sevenoaks to be with Adam there. But by the time she had been able to do so, Adam had gone . She finished saddling Sandy. Mounting lithely, she rode out across the back fields towards the river. The grass, a silken green carpet, stretched out before her, folding gently into small hills which rolled towards the river. The greyness of dawn was giving way to a golden lightness, everything clearly etched and sharply in focus. Mist, like phantom vapours, rose grey and eerie from the river pool, slowly moving, rising, curling upon itself. What a superb morning, she thought, breathing deeply of the cool air, the scent of the river's' clear water lingering in her nostrils. Unbidden, there flashed into her mind a picture of Adam's embrace by the river yesterday, of the devastating emotions it had aroused in her. Now, in the, morning's crystal stillness, she felt she was exaggerating the whole incident, behaving rather foolishly over a casual hug. After all, to Adam she must still be the kid sister, the little one .. . Lingering on the riverbank, she fondly recalled how kind and good he had always been to her, making her feel important, loved, a part of the family. He had always been able to make her laugh as no one else ever could; at this very spot on the river he had taught a giggling, black-haired girl to swim. He had been her adored older brother, a model to her of strength and gentleness. But in spite of all this, he had gone away and left her ...

What had happened to the Adam she had known so well ... the fair-haired man who had laughed so hard and had shared himself so freely and completely with his family? She slowed Sandy to a walk. 'How stupid you are, Kathleen Cameron!' she said aloud now, giving vent to some of her frustrations. 'Let the man settle in. After all, it's been four years, and four years can be an eternity. Of course he's changed! And your silly prying questions won't help him settle in any faster, they'll just make him more uncomfortable.' Sandy ambled up the hill, Kathleen paying scant attention to his destination, and it was not until she came face to face with the charred ruins that she realised she had arrived at Adam's old house, or what little there was left of it. She stared at the black skeleton, the huge stone fireplace standing stark and alone among the ruins; it was the only part of the house left intact by a fire that had occurred the same day Leslie had died in a separate accident ... a car accident. In one day Adam had lost his wife and his home. A nagging uneasiness again seized Kathleen. There was so much she did not understand, so much unexplained that no one in the family would share with her. For some reason, Sondra in particular had continually refused to talk about that day ; rarely, either, could she be persuaded to discuss Adam. It was as if she had tried to make them all cease to existAdam, Leslie, and Nikki. Kathleen shrugged. Irritated that her imagination was working overtime again, she shifted in the saddle and looked down upon the valley. All of this, as far as one could see, was Deerfield land. And in the distance was the town named after John Deerfield's father and Uncle, Ben and Sam Deerfield. How she had wished, when she was younger, that she was a real Deerfield, that this was hers too! Adam had always laughed at her, telling her not to be so stupid, for she belonged with them and was a part of it all. More

gently then, he would laughingly tousle her hair, telling her in softer tones, 'What you love becomes a part of you, little one. You're a real Deerfield and never doubt it!' She had never forgotten that. It had been so long ago, she had only been about ten then, but still she remembered it, word for word. And she remembered too the look in Adam's eyes when he looked out on this land, which he loved so passionately. It was a part of him too, so much so that she would never be able to understand how he could have left it and had stayed away for so long. In the distance, in the streets of the town she could see movement, minute and far-away people starting another day. No sounds from the valley reached her ears. The mist still rose from the river, although it was more diffuse now and soon would burn off with the heat of the summer sun. Kathleen stayed away most of the morning, not returning to the house until just before lunch; wanting to be alone, she had ridden and wandered the property, forgetting all about the time. It was a beautiful warm day and lunch was being served outside when she. finally returned. They were apparently waiting for her, Adam and John sitting together at the edge of the terrace, talking quietly, Sondra staring at her coldly. 'Well, it's about time, Kathleen. Really, I wish you would be a little more punctual. You're well aware of when lunch is served.' 'I'm sorry, Sondra. I lost track of time. It's such a lovely day, I just couldn't help it.' She smiled in apology and went over to greet John. 'Good morning, dear. How do you feel today?' She bent and kissed him on the cheek. 'I'm fine, Kathleen, just fine. Out riding already today, eh?' 'Yes, it's been a pleasant morning.'

She lifted her eyes to look at Adam, aware of his cold scrutiny as she shyly said to him, 'Hello, Adam.' He nodded but did not speak. Nikki was sitting beside him, her hand grasping his fingers tightly. Kathleen knelt down in front of her, smiling at the little girl. 'Hi, Nikki. What did you do this morning?' Nikki's only response was to press closer to her father. 'Lunch is ready.' Sondra's voice echoed sharply on the terrace. As they ate, she chattered endlessly about this person, that person, the families of Deerfield, the news about people who had left, and people who had stayed. Adam barely spoke at all, concentrating on his lunch and on Nikki. Kathleen's appetite seemed to have totally deserted her; she felt awkward and on edge. Sondra's voice broke in again. 'By the way, Kathleen, when you were out this morning Colin called.' She turned a smiling face to Adam. 'You remember Colin Draper, don't you, Adam? He's a very successful young man now. Very successful indeed.' Adam looked up at Sondra but made no comment. 'Anyway, Kathleen, he called to apologise that he couldn't make it this afternoon as you two had arranged. Something important has come up that needs his immediate attention a matter concerning Mayor Donaldson, I think, but he really didn't tell me, s6 I'd only be guessing.' Although the message was for Kathleen, she continued to speak in Adam's direction. 'Now there's a fine young man if ever I saw one.' She paused, giving Adam an arch look. 'And he's very interested in our Kathleen. We may very well have a wedding in the family soon, if only Kathleen will stop playing hard to get.' She smiled contentedly, thinking of the parties and gatherings at which she would officiate. Kathleen was on the verge of protest, but Sondra hurried on. 'You knew that Colin was a

lawyer, didn't you, Adam? Graduated at the head of his class too. Deerfield's most successful lawyer'.' John chuckled as he added his comment. 'Deerfield's only lawyer, Sondra, at the moment at least.' 'Don't be so foolish, John. He's a brilliant young man and you know it. He'll make a fine husband for Kathleen.' She turned her attention to Adam again. 'Colin's sister, Margaret, is giving a party the end of this month. Everyone who's anyone in the entire county will be there. You and Margaret were very close at one time, were you not, Adam?' She waited for his reply. 'We were friends once, yes. As you well know, I haven't seen Margaret for quite a few years.' 'I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that she's still quite unattached, so maybe you two can pick up where you left off before ... before you . , .' Adam pushed his plate away and said impatiently, 'Before I so unfortunately got married? Oh, Sondra, do be quiet! Stop rattling on and on about Colin and Margaret and everyone else in Deerfield.' His voice was cold and hard like steel, and a muscle twitched in his jaw. 'I don't care about them. Can't you understand that? I just don't care!' He pushed his chair back and got up to leave. 'Come on, Nikki. Maybe we can talk later, John. I ...' Sondra interrupted sharply, 'Why, Adam, that's no way to speak to me! I was only trying to bring you up to date on what's happened since you left. I thought you'd be interested to know what people have done with their lives these past four years, for they are people you once lived with. How could you possibly stop caring about them?'

Kathleen felt a rising impatience with the affected whine in Sondra's voice. At last John spoke, calmly but pointedly. 'Sit down, son. And Sondra, keep quiet for a while, will you, please?' Annoyed by her husband's lack of support, Sondra retreated to the kitchen leaving John and Adam to their conversation. John leaned forward. 'Well, Adam, are you going to stay?' He looked directly into his son's eyes, his face revealing no emotion, although Kathleen knew in her heart how much John had missed him and how desperate he was to have Adam remain home. 'I'd like to, John, I really would.' Adam sighed, his face looking suddenly very weary. 'I'm tired of wandering and Nikki needs a home. I thought maybe it would be better for her away from here, but I'm not sure any more. I guess there are things here that we both have to face, if tomorrow is to have any value for either of us.' John reached out and placed his hand on Adam's. 'Adam, you are my son and I love you very much. I'm happy that you've come home and I want you to stay and to settle in here for good. This is your home and this is where you belong.' Adam shook his head. 'I want to, John, God knows I want to, but I'm not sure how things will be with Lee. His feelings towards me haven't changed at all, they've intensified if anything. What kind of hell would this place be if we couldn't straighten things out between- us?' 'I've thought a lot about the situation between you and Leein fact, that's about all I did last night, instead of sleeping, I believe I might have a solution. Bear with me for a few more weeks and I

think I can take the first step towards making things right between you two again. I can try, anyway.' 'If we do stay, John, it would be better for Nikki and me to live in the cottage, if that's all right with you. I'd prefer it because we're used to being on our own now and I think Nikki would find settling in here a lot easier that way.' John nodded. 'That's fine with me, son. This place is yours too, you know. You do mean that you're going to stay, then?' Into this scene with the air of a man who has made a difficult decision, Adam said sombrely, 'Yes, we'll stay.' John rested one gnarled hand on his son's knee and for the second time in as many days, Kathleen saw tears glistening in his fierce old eyes. 'Welcome home, Adam,' he said huskily. Sondra returned with the coffee and settled herself in a comfortable chair opposite Adam; in her absence she had obviously resolved to satisfy her insatiable curiosity. 'Now Adam, perhaps I can be permitted a few questions. I do have a right to know some of the things that go on around here. When are you leaving and where are you going from here, that's what I'd like to know?' Adam's eyes darkened as he stared at her. Before he could answer Kathleen blurted out excitedly, 'But he's going to stay, Sondra! He's not going away again. Isn't it wonderful? Now that Adam's home, it will be like it was before.' She felt him stiffen and heard Sondra's harsh voice, as sharp as ice now. 'It can never be like it was.' Her face was white, stricken with some emotion unknown to Kathleen. 'Be reasonable, Adam! You

know you can't stay here, considering all that's happened. It's impossible!' Adam leaned forward, his face tense and angry. 'I realise I'm something of an embarrassment to you, Sondra, that you can't talk about me over coffee with your friends. In fact, I know that you wish to God that I was someone else's son and not John's, or that I'd never been born in the first place. I'm sorry about that, I'm sorry about all of it.' He paused, not searching for words, but trying to decide if he should go on. 'But I have to live with what I did and I guess you do, too. Neither of us can erase the past as if it never existed. Believe me, I have tried.' Her beringed fingers clutching the table's edge, Sondra opened her mouth to speak again, poised like a snake about to strike. But this time John silenced her with one of his rare displays of authority. 'Be quiet, Sondra. You've said quite enough for one day.' He turned to Adam. 'Believe me, Adam, you're welcome here. This is your home, it always was and it always will be, and you're my son and I'm proud of you. Now that you've come back to us at last, I'll hear no more talk of the kind I just heard.' He wheeled his chair towards the glass doors. 'Maybe you could help me, Sondra, please. I'm tired and I need a rest.' He looked again at Adam and smiled. 'Yes, things will once again be as they used to be.' With that they went indoors, leaving Kathleen, Adam, and Nikki alone on the terrace.

CHAPTER FOUR THERE was silence for some moments. Adam sat staring out across the fields, his face shuttered against revealing anything of his inner thoughts and feelings. But a muscle twitched his cheek, and intuitively Kathleen sensed his mental pain. Her heart aching for him, she cleared her throat, and finally, spoke. 'What did you mean when you said that; Adam?' He looked at her, ironical and aloof, calmly lighting a cigarette. 'When I said what?' Nikki pulled at his sleeve and motioned towards the lawn. Adam smiled at her in response and gently moved a straying wisp of hair from her forehead. He did not speak, in fact, his slight nod was barely noticeable to Kathleen, but Nikki saw and understood, and blithely ran down the steps across the lawn in the direction of the cottage. Adam turned to look again at Kathleen, the smile vanishing from his lips. 'You've changed,' she said, bewildered by his coldness towards her, of all people. He responded with a mocking laugh that startled her with its harshness. 'Well, yes, that's true enough. The whole world can change in a second, Kate ... myself included.' Despite the discomfort she was experiencing in their conversation, she continued, 'Why? What happened? What did you mean by what you said to Sondra?'

He grew impatient. 'When I said what to Sondra? Come to the point, Kate.' 'When you spoke of Sondra being ashamed of you, of wishing that... that you weren't John's son.' 'For God's sake, Kate, what kind of game are you playing?' His voice rose in pitch, and Kathleen shivered in the face of the anger she had inadvertently unleashed in him. 'I don't know what you mean,' she stammered. 'And I don't -know what you mean, Kate. You're asking me questions to which you already have the answers. You act as if you have no idea what happened here.' His fist hit the table. 'What in hell do you want me to say? So you want me to tell you again what \ did four years ago? Do you want to hear me say what you've undoubtedly heard from others dozens of times?' His eyes, cold and hard, raked her face, searching for something, she knew not what; when he spoke again a corroding bitterness filled his voice, harshening the hard lines of his mouth. 'Yes, my Kate, you've changed too.' With these words he rose abruptly, left the terrace and strode across the lawn in the direction in which Nikki had gone. Kathleen sat very still. All around was silence, but within her was a clamouring disquiet, a pain that was growing in intensity with every new encounter with Adam. Tears stung her eyes, but sheforced them back. You're a fool, Kate Cameron! she muttered to herself, why do you let him bother you? These inner admonishments were becoming a habit lately, a stupid habit, she thought. But she was so confused and upset by what was happening to her family, for it had never been like this before they had always been so happy, so close. Adam's bitter

unhappiness and Lee's hatred for his own brother were new and amazing developments, terrible developments whose, source she did not understand. An ominous feeling pervaded her, frightened her. For a brief moment she felt certain that all this must surely end in disaster, for something larger than all of them was at work here, something beyond the control of any of them. She got out of the chair abruptly and wandered down the steps, across the lawn to the riverbank, where she sat for a long time, her body absorbing the heat of the summer. Gentle summer breezes caressed her hair. She pulled at her braid, freed it, and let her heavy black curls fall loosely about her shoulders. Lying back in the grass, she gazed up through the trees to the sky beyond, becoming a willing captive of the patterns of blue and green, created where the trees met the sky. How she loved to feel the sharp smoothness of the grass beneath her body, to share this closeness with the earth and sky! She would never leave Sevenoaks, she vowed. This was where she belonged. She closed her eyes, and slowly her thoughts returned to Adam. For some reason she thought of him on that cold and rainy October morningthe day that Leslie was buried. She had interrupted him, indeed had startled him that morning as she entered the library looking for John. Adam was standing gazing out at the barren landscape, watching the rain pound on the rough grey-stoned terrace and pour down the window in great funnelling streams. The whole world was grey and weeping. Sensing her presence, he had turned to see her slim figure by the door and the look on his face had haunted her for many long and lonely months afterwards. His features were drained of colour, his lips tightly closed. And from his eyes emanated a look of such total desolation, of such tortured emotion, that her heart had felt it was about to break. He raised a hand to her, as if appealing for help, but had let it fall heavily to his side. Nevertheless, she started to move towards him, but then

was interrupted. The door was pushed open and with scant ceremony Lee had entered, a Lee who was obviously bursting with news. 'Could you leave us please, KathleenI want to speak with Adam ... alone.' His abruptness invited no argument and unwillingly she complied. She had, even so, looked back at them as she was closing the door to see Lee standing accusingly in front of Adam, grasping a crumpled piece of paper in his hand. Her eyes had met Adam's ... He had looked as though he were bracing himself for some new betrayal, and many nights, for many months, she had awakened, alone in the darkness, remembering that look in the eyes of the man whom she had loved as a brother since she first came to Sevenoaks. Now she sat up quickly, not wanting to dwell on those disturbing memories any longer. Leaning forward, she let her fingers skim over the glassy surface of the river pool, so that the spidery water bugs scrambled away. She tossed a pebble, heard its deep plop and watched the ripples, small at first, spread out and widen and finally disappear into nothingness. She threw another, and another, seeing the two sets of circles meet and melt into one another. Without being aware of having made a conscious decision, Kathleen found herself walking purposefully towards Adam's cottage. Approaching it from the river she walked slowly up the front steps and across the long open veranda. The wicker seats and the chair swing which hung from the roof provided a scene of relaxed and easy comfort. They had played here often as children, climbing up on the veranda railings, leaping into the tall uncut grass, and rolling over and over, down the bank to the river's edge. She ran her fingers over the weathered paint; heavens, she thought, it was only yesterday.

She tapped on the screen. The door was open, for Adam was probably airing out the place, but there appeared to be no one home. She knocked again and when there was no answer, she pulled open the door and entered. It was all as she had remembered itthe massive stone fireplace, the pine floors and panelled wallseverything the same, but for the amount of dust which now thickly coated the window ledges and the furniture; luckily the couch and chairs had been covered with white sheets. Kathleen looked around for a few moments, wandering into the bedrooms and the kitchen as she took mental inventory of what needed to be done. She carefully folded the dusty sheets and put them out on the veranda, reminding herself to take them up to the main house later for washing. Finding cleaning equipment in the kitchen, she began to worksweeping, dusting, and washing down the walls. She was so involved in her task that she did not hear Adam and Nikki as they approached the cottage. She first became aware of their coming when the sound of deep laughter echoed across the lawns which stretched between the main house and the cottage. She moved to the window, wiping the perspiration from her forehead. Adam was running, not fast, but slow enough so that Nikki was able to catch up with him and grab him by the leg. He swung around and feigned a fall, rolling over and over in the grass, pulling the little girl down with him. Childish giggles and more deep laughter rose in the air as he tickled and was tickled in return. He got up and swung her on to his shoulders, and walked on towards the cottage, holding Nikki with one hand and running his other hand along the white-railed fence, the two of them lost in the closeness of their companionship. He was not the severe or withdrawn man Kathleen had met these past few days, he was the Adam of her childhood and youththe Adam who had played and laughed with her in much the same way as he had with Nikki.

Filled with a spontaneous joy that he should reappear in this guise, she decided to call out to them. But the greeting on the tip of her tongue was drowned in the rumble of hooves, Lee was approaching at a fast gallop, bearing down on them, his eyes dark and gleaming with anger, his body taut with purpose. He reined in, savagely pulling at the horse's mouth; he was riding Oberon, a fiery and powerful chestnut stallion. Kathleen saw, in an instant, the effect that his arrival had on Nikki. The child, who a moment before had been relaxed and happy, stiffened abruptly, her face white in the bright afternoon sun as she clung to Adam, frantic for the security of his strong arms. Whimpering pathetically, she fought to remove herself from the very sight and nearness of Lee. Adam managed to detach her grip on his shirt, then set her down on the ground and said quietly and firmly, 'Stop it, Nikki. It's all right. I want you to go to the cottage and wait for me there.' He gave her a gentle push and she ran wildly, stumbling and falling once, but quickly scrambling to her feet again. She did not even steal a glimpse over her small quaking shoulders. Such fear, so absolute and searing, Kathleen had never before witnessed, least of alt in a child. She was so stunned by it that she could not move from the shadows in the doorway of the cottage, and stood, frozen to the spot, as the little girl clambered up the steps and flung herself into a chair on the veranda. A voice, cold and accusing, reached Kathleen's ears through the still afternoon air. 'Really, Adam, don't you think you should do something about that child? There are places that take care of people like her. At least she'd be with her own kind then.' Adam moved menacingly towards him. He said cuttingly, 'She is with her own kind, as you put it. I'm her father, if you recall. So

don't waste my time with your malicious suggestions. Do you want something? If not, I've got to straighten up this cottage.' 'I've got some straightening up to do too, dear brother,' Lee sneered. 'Sondra tells me you've decided to stay. Is that true?' Adam did not answer immediately. His eyes narrowed and he looked intently at Lee, as though searching for the reason behind his brother's question. When he did speak his words came slowly and quietly: 'Yes, I've decided to stay.' Lee answered with a rush of angry words. 'Why? Hasn't enough happened already? It's been four years now and people have finally started to forget. Then, out of the blue, you show up. Why? That's what I'd like to know. Why did you come back? What do you want?' His face was flushed and a vein pulsed in his temple. 'I came back because it's my home, Lee. It's where I belong and it's where I want to be. Surely you can understand that?' Adam raised his hands, obviously pleading for understanding. 'I know how you feel about things ... I know that it hasn't been easy for you, but my God, Lee, we're brothers! Doesn't that mean anything?' He reached up and laid his fingers on the horse's smooth neck, his eyes intent on Lee's, waiting for some indication of understanding and acceptance from him. His voice was strained when he spoke again. 'I know we can't forget the past, but can't we put it behind us and go on from here? I'm tired, Lee. I can't leave Sevenoaks again, there's nothing out there for me. And Nikki, she's my own blood and I owe her a homeI owe her the chance of a decent life. Can't you see?' But the expression of anger and frustration on Lee's face hardened into a glaring mask of hatred. His mouth curled into an ugly sneer.

'Yes, I can see. You've come back for the farm. That's why you're here, my dear half-brother. All the rest is just sentimental nonsense.' He pulled back on the reins, jerking Adam's hand away from Oberon's neck. At the same time he began to edge the horse menacingly closer towards Adam, forcing him to retreat back to the fence, now only a few feet behind him. At one point Adam stumbled, but quickly regained his balance, and it was evident that Lee would have made no attempt to stop the horse. This was no idle threatening gesture of Lee's. Terrified by this turn of events, Kathleen held her breath, for his entire body was poised for a deadly encounter; He seemed driven by some mad force, some undefined hatred that must have simmered beneath the surface for four long years and had now, with Adam's return, erupted to the surface. Adam was now firmly pinned against the fence, unable to move back or to either side. Lee spoke again. 'I'm not the kid brother any more, Adam. I'm the master here, and the master I intend to remain. I've run this place for the last three years, since John had his stroke. It's mine, and you're not going to take it from me. Do you understand?' His great strength impotent, Adam fought to push the crushing weight of the horse back. Lee laughed. 'Oh, don't bother to struggle, brother! He does as he's told, like everyone else around here. Perhaps this will be your first valuable lesson after your homecomingit should show you very clearly that my word is law here, on this farm and in this town. I'm the Deerfield who counts now ... not my big brother. What does it feel like, Adam, not to be the boss for once? Tell me how it feels.' But he did not wait for an answer. Instead he brought his riding crop down in a wild slashing motion, across Adam's left cheek. Adam's .body

jerked back with the stinging pain, but still Lee did not release him. 'That's just a small taste of what will happen if you try to fight me, Adam. I'm used to power now and I know how to use it to my advantage.' Adam's voice was tight with pain and disbelief. 'What the devil has happened to you, Lee?' 'Don't ask damn fool questions! You know full well what happened to me. You happened to me, Adamyou and Leslie.' He leaned forward in the saddle, bringing his face closer to Adam's. 'I'll never forget what you've done and by God, I'll never forgive you either. Never!' He ground out his last word and continued, 'And if you still choose to stay, as you say, you'll do exactly as I tell you. God help you if you cross me once more.' Adam shook his head in bewilderment. 'You must be, mad, Lee, totally mad.' He spoke these words in a hushed whisper, almost as if to himself. Lee's anger flared anew and he raised his riding crop to strike again. Kathleen, realising his intention, was finally galvanised into action. She thrust herself out the door and ran wildly across the lawn to the fence. 'Stop it, Lee! Stop it!' Lee uttered a violent oath, taken aback by the girl's intrusion. He lowered his hand. 'What are you doing here, Kathleen?' he barked. 'You have no right to be here.' He was plainly disturbed by her unexpected appearance and by her witnessing of what he had done and had intended to do again. 'Get back to the house, girl. Now!' 'Don't order me about, Lee Deerfield! I don't have to do what you say,' she retorted, a heady rush of anger making her lose all

caution, so that she went on, 'And perhaps you should explain exactly what you were doingWhat's this all about?' Lee backed the horse away from the fence and Adam was freed. He leaned against the railing, tenderly touching his face. A thin trickle of blood ran down his cheek. Lee glanced from Adam to Kathleen.' I don't answer questions from a mere slip of a girl.' He added cruelly, 'And especially not from you, Kathleen. You're not even a Deerfield, little sister by adoption. Why, you only live here because John's too soft-hearted to send you away. Wait until I'm in control hereI might not be so kind.' With these words he wheeled Oberon around and rode away. Kathleen drew in her breath, wounded by his cutting remarks. Unable to meet Adam's eyes, she stared down at the ground, feeling suddenly isolated from all the Deer- fields. No one had ever said anything like that to her before, and yet she supposed everything he had said was true. Adam moved closer to her, lifting her chin with one finger and looking down at her with a dark intensity. He reached out and gently wiped away the dampness that had sprung to her eyes. His voice was very calm and quiet. 'Don't cry, Kate. He was angry with me, not you. You just happened to be on the receiving end of it.' The lump in her throat, which to this point had felt that it would choke her, began to recede. She shuddered reminiscently, in a moment of weakness leaning her forehead against his chest; the steady beat of his heart was infinitely comforting, and she managed a rueful smile as she looked up at him, touching her fingers lightly to his bruised cheek. 'It would seem that we're both recipients of a sort. I'd better clean that cut.'

He shook his head. 'No, never mind. I'll tend to it myself.' She gave a broken sigh, and ventured timidly, 'I don't understand, Adam. I just don't understand any of this: Why did you simply stand there and take it? Why didn't you fight back? Anyway, why would he do such a terrible thing to you, his own brother ...?' She raised her hand as if to touch him again, but this time he stepped away from her. 'No, I really don't think you do understand.' He laughed sardonically. 'It's an amazing thing really, that there should be one innocent Deerfield left.' Ignoring her puzzled frown, he suddenly exclaimed, 'My God, I'd forgotten Where's Nikki?' He turned quickly and raced towards the cottage, calling his daughter's name. Mounting the steps in a single bound, he gathered the frightened child into his arms, and walked the length of the veranda over and over again, trying to soothe and relax the rigid body of the little girl who uttered not a single sound. 'Come on, baby, it's Daddy. Everything's fine now Uncle Lee's gone.' The. child stiffened with the mention of Lee's name, burying her face in her father's shoulder, and Adam held her tightly to him. 'Easy, child, easy. Just relax. Daddy's here.' On and on the walking and soft talking continued, until sweat beaded Adam's forehead. Kathleen watched helplessly for a long time, for Adam seemed to have forgotten her presence, and she felt as though she were an intruder. Finally, however, conscious of the strained whiteness of his face, she offered her assistance. 'I'll hold Nikki for a while if you want to clean up,' she said quietly. His answer was abrupt and cutting. 'No! I don't need your help, KateI don't need anyone's help. You'd better run along or Lee will be back here looking for you, and we don't want that, do we?'

Sarcasm filled his voice and an ominous emotion glinted in his eyes. 'Perhaps you shouldn't come here at all any more. I think it would save us both a lot of trouble if you didn't.' Still holding his daughter, he turned to go inside, but was halted by Kathleen's sudden explosion of repressed emotion. 'I ... I hate you!' she cried, fury bringing bright patches of colour to her cheeks, blue sparks to her eyes. 'I only came to help, that's alland you can't even accept kindness from someone in the spirit in which it's offered any more. What's happened to you, Adam Deerfield?' She fought the tears that had threatened all too often these past few days. 'Oh, why did you have to come back ... like this?' She spoke from mingled anger and hurt, and regretted the words as soon as she had said them, even though Adam seemed totally unaffected by them. 'Well, well, my Kate has finally joined the majority,' he drawled. 'I'm sorry, Adam, I didn't mean ...' But he cut her off in mid-sentence, his voice hard and uncompromising. 'Be quiet, Kate. The best advice I could give you now would be to try and mean every word you said. It's safer for you to hate me, believe me.' He pulled open the screen door and disappeared into the cottage, with Nikki nearly asleep in his arms.

CHAPTER FIVE IT was almost two weeks before Kathleen encountered Adam again. She would see him from a distance, working in the fields or with the horses, Nikki usually close by. But he seemed to carefully avoid being alone with her. He did not come to the main house for meals in the evening any more, but cooked for himself and Nikki at the cottage. When he did come to the house it was to talk with John, which he did regularly, usually spending about an hour with his father, sometimes in the library, or if the weather was fine, on the terrace. It was during these visits that Kathleen saw Nikki each day. The child was gradually becoming more and more relaxed in her company and Kathleen felt that the little girl was beginning to look forward to their time together, just as she herself was. Kathleen was aware too that she anxiously awaited each chance, however small, to see Adam. But always his greeting was the same, cold and distant; and never did it extend itself into a conversation of even the slightest length. Eventually, she became determined to force him to talk to her, unable to tolerate his continued avoidance of her any longer. The opportunity presented itself one very warm morning early in July. Purposefully Kathleen waited at the top of the staircase for Adam's arrival because moments before from her bedroom window she had seen him walking up from the cottage, coming to visit John. She heard the door open, and close again; the sound of his steady footsteps was muffled in the carpet. She bounded down the stairs, stopping at the bottom to call out to him artlessly, 'Oh! Good morning, Adam. How are you this morning?' 'Morning, Kate.' He began, to walk down the hallway to the library.

'Wait a minute, please, Adam. I'd like to speak with you.' He stopped and waited, his icy look chilling her to the bone, so that she wondered how she could continue with a light-hearted facade when her inner feelings were anything but light-hearted. But she had to draw him out, she just had to try. She took the plunge. 'I've been wanting to speak to you for a while now, but you always seem to be in such a rush that you never have time to talk.' 'Get to the point, Kate. John is waiting for me.' His stare was unwavering. 'Well, you know that the County Fair begins the day after tomorrow in Deerfield. I thought... well ... it's always such a good time, I just thought that maybe we could go together and take Nikki. She'd love it, I'm sure she would.' There, she'd said it. She watched anxiously for his reaction, but there was none, just a toneless'No, I don't think so.' She raised her hands pleadingly. 'But why not, Adam? Why won't you go? It's not fairNikki spends all her time here with you, and never goes anywhere away from Sevenoaks. She's a child and she needs to see and do different things.' His eyes narrowed. 'What do you know about what she's seen and done? Don't tell me what she needs to do! I ...' But whatever he was going to say was interrupted by John's calm voice coming from the library. 'Will you two please come in here ... and bring your argument with you.'

Kathleen walked self-consciously into the library; she had not intended that anyone should hear her invitation to Adam. She walked over to John, who sat in his wheelchair, a book resting on his lap, and bent and kissed him on the cheek. He took her hand in his as she murmured a greeting. 'And a good morning to you, Kathleen.' He raised his eyes to look at Adam. 'Morning, son.' Adam nodded, his face shuttered. John looked closely at both of them but was apparently in no hurry to hear the cause of their argument. Finally he spoke. 'You will, I hope, forgive me for eavesdropping, but I couldn't help overhearing part of your conversation.' He turned to Adam. 'Kathleen is right, you know, and I think you know it. Both Nikki and you need some fun and relaxation away from the farm. You've been here three weeks now and all you've done is work, from sunrise to sunset. You really should go to the Fair. In fact, I declare it a compulsory event for all of you. And you won't suffer at all at the hands of our young Kathleen here; ask any boy in town, she's the best dancer in the County.' 'I don't know, John. There's a lot to do around here and it won't get done taking days off,' Adam protested. 'Bosh! You know full well that when the County Fair comes to Deerfield we all take a few days off ... Why do you have to be so stubborn all the time?' Adam sighed and acquiesced. 'All right. We'll go.' He showed none of the enthusiasm Kathleen had hoped for, but she was pleased that at least they were going together. Unthinking, she reached out and touched his shoulder; a delightful shiver raced along her nerve endings at the feel of the firm warm skin beneath

his shirt. She blushed, and stammered, 'I'm so glad, Adam. It will be a good time, wait and see. Where's Nikki? I must tell her.' 'She's up at the barn, playing with some puppies.' 'I'll see you later, then.' With this she excused herself and went in search of Nikki. A small brown face looked innocently up at her. 'Hi, Nikki, how are you today?' Nikki seemed more at home here now, not running to hide or cling to Adam every time someone spoke to her. She was sitting cross-legged in the grass, playing with two small puppies. 'May I sit with you a while, Nikki?' Kathleen asked. Nikki smiled and nodded. 'I was just speaking to your father and I've got a great surprise for you. We're going to the County Fair in Deerfield the day after tomorrow. Have you ever been to a Fair?' Nikki shook her head, watching Kathleen's face carefully. 'Well, let me tell you, it's the best time! There are cattle shows, cooking contests, show jumping, dancing, a parade, and a picnic in the Commons and a million fun things to see. And of course, every year there's the big horse race. I've always entered on Sandy and I'll bet my bottom dollar he's a sure winner again this year. Why, I swear that horse has wings!' Nikki, still watching Kathleen's face, moved her small fingers in a series of deft movements. 'I'm sorry, Nikki, I don't understand what you mean,' Kathleen said, knowing that the little girl was using the sign language she sometimes used with Adam.

A voice from behind them interjected, 'She says that it would be unfair to the other horses if you entered one with wings.' Surprised, Kathleen turned to see Adam towering over them. She looked at Nikki whose wide grin showed a gaping hole where her two front teeth once had been. 'She's making a joke with you, Kate.' Adam explained the obvious as he sat down beside them, chewing on a blade of grass. 'She's really a funny little kid when you get to know her. She likes to laugh when she has the chance and the reasonI wish it were more often.' 'I was telling her about the Fair,' Kathleen said quietly, not knowing how else to respond. 'Yes, I know. I heard you.' He then spoke to Nikki. 'Do you want to go, Nik?' Nikki nodded her head indicating 'yes' a hundred times over, simultaneously speaking to Adam in her sign language; Kathleen did not know how Adam could follow what she was saying, so quick were her movements. As if he could read her thoughts, he explained, 'You'll get used to it after a while. She really does well with it.' He laughed. 'She calls it her "finger talking".' 'How did you both learn to do it?' asked Kathleen. 'When I worked on the rigs in northern Alberta, there was a driller and his wife living there. She cooked for the crew. Anyway, she was a deaf mute and that's the way they communicated. They taught us. Nikki caught on faster than I did, but I can keep up. It makes it a lot easier.' His voice softened to the point of sadness. 'Now the silence we share is not ... quite so silent.'

He was twisting the piece of grass in his fingers, twisting it and tearing at it. Realising what he was doing, he threw it away. 'So you and Sandy are entered in the race?' 'Yes, we've won the last three years in a row, he's a wonderful horse.' 'I know. I trained him, remember?' 'Of course I remember. Have you ridden him since you've come home?' He looked away, 'No. I haven't ridden for a while now. Not since the accident I had in Alberta, anyway.' Kathleen glanced at him sharply, for he was normally so reluctant to talk about the events of the last four years. 'What happened, Adam?' she asked. 'Oh, I broke my leg two years ago in that fire I mentioned to you. It took a long time to healin fact, it never did knit right. It still bothers me when I'm tired.' 'Then you shouldn't get tired,' she teased gently. Taking her courage in both hands, she went on, 'Listen, Colin Draper is coming over early this afternoon. We're going to pack a picnic and ride up to the Old Grist Mill. Why don't you and Nikki come along with us?' She rushed on before he could refuse. 'I know you're going to say no and think of some excuse like there's work to be done, but please, it would be a nice afternoon; and besides, you and Colin used to be good friends.' She rose to her feet, wiping the grass from the back of her shorts. 'Well, what do you think? Are you coming or are you going to say "no" to me again?'

He did not answer her right away but gazed at the orchards, the green fields rolling down to the river, and the North Mountain blue in the distance. He sighed, as though remembering the days they had spent at the Mill, when he too had been young and carefree and untroubled. He breathed deeply and made his decision. 'Yes, we'll come. It'll do us both good.' 'Wonderful! We'll leave about one o'clock when Colin gets here. I'll go now and pack a lunch. 'Bye, Nikki.' She turned and ran across the grass, a spring in her step and an exhilaration in her body and mind; feelings she had not often experienced in the weeks following Adam's return. The ride up to the Grist Mill was a pleasant one. Although Adam was quiet, some of the strain seemed to fall away from him as they made their way along the river, crossing into the orchards by way of the wooden bridge, where they rode along the wooded lane that curved and wound up the hillside towards the Mill. Here and there the river would change; at one point it was a narrow stream gurgling over the rocks, then a gushing waterfall, and sometimes it widened and deepened so that the current became almost imperceptible. This river which ran through Sevenoaks came down from the North Mountain, widened into a large deep pond at the mill, and continued on its downward journey, eventually running through the town of Deerfield and on into the next County. Nikki rode with Adam, sitting in front of him, secure and happy in the curve of his arms; he was mounted on Oberon. The three of themKathleen, Colin and Adam^rode abreast chatting quietly amidst the serenity of the woods. When the path would narrow they continued in single file. Sometimes, when the track left the shaded protection of the woods and cut across an open field, Kathleen could not resist the call of open space and would give Sandy a chance to run. She was a good and competent rider, light

and completely at ease in the saddle. Her joy and sense of freedom were infectious, and Colin and Adam would gallop after her. There were two approaches to the Mill, either by way of the lane through the woods or else by the cut-off from the river which crossed the field sloping gently down to the edge of the pond. Kathleen, feeling playful and enjoying the outing immensely, wanted another gallop, so she expertly guided Sandy off the path, over a gully, and out into the field. Colin and Adam, not to be outdone, raced quickly after her. 'Well, Kate, you do think you're the expert horsewoman, don't you?' Adam was beside her, keeping pace effortlessly. 'But you seem to be slowing down in your old age. You'll never win that ribbon if this is the best you can do.' He laughed and coaxed his horse on. Seeing that he was indeed pulling away from her, she urged Sandy on to a greater speed. They reached the pond neck and neck. Sandy pulled at the bit with his teeth, restlessly cavorting in the grass, as excited by the run as his rider had been. Adam dismounted and helped Nikki down. He looked over at Kathleen. 'Not bad. You obviously remember some of the things I taught you.' 'Don't be so smug, Adam! I could lick you in a race any day.' Her eyes shone with the excitement of a challenge as she stood with her hands placed firmly on her hips. - 'Never be too sure of what you can do, my little Kate. Confidence is fine, but over-confidence can be a major blunder.' She chuckled. 'Why don't you enter the race if you're so good? I dare you to do it! Then we'll know for sure which of us is the better rider. But I'm not worriedyou can't take that ribbon away from me!'

'You're sure feeling your oats today, child!' 'First of all, I am not a child and secondly, I say that I can beat you. Are you afraid to find out?' she demanded cheekily. He was still grinning, but he answered withmore seriousness in his voice now, and she saw that he was considering taking up her challenge. 'We'll see. I'll think about it.' She could not resist one final retort. 'Thinking is fine, but lack of action can be a major blunder ... or so I once heard someone say.' He had been unsaddling Oberon during their friendly bantering. He placed the saddle on the grass and came towards her. 'Not only are you wilful and proud, but you're a saucy kid, Kate, and maybe saucy kids should be taught a lesson in respect for their elders. How does a little dip in the pond sound to you ... right now?' Nikki was watching with enjoyment, giggling as Kathleen prepared to run. She pulled on Adam's sleeve and signalled something that Kathleen could not understand but which made Adam laugh. 'Oh, is that right? I hadn't noticed.' He winked at Nikki. 'Do you know what she said, Kate? She thinks I won't be able to catch you because your legs are long like a deer's.' Nikki's innocent comment made Kathleen blush. Without realising it Adam and Kate stood looking at each other, saying nothing but seeing in each other the things that they remembered from childhood, as well as the changes wrought in both of them by the previous four years. Shy under his intent gaze, Kathleen lowered her thick lashes, but they flickered upward when Adam asked quietly, 'Do you think I could catch you if I really wanted to? Would you run from me like a frightened deer, Kate?' Her blue eyes met his, mesmerised by their magnetism. Neither of them

heard Colin approach; it was he who broke the silence. 'Well, gang, how about that swim we came for?' The water was cool and refreshing. A gentle breeze sketched occasional patterns of ripples on the surface of the pond, but most of the time it seemed to Kathleen that they swam in a mirror. She drifted to one side of the pond, idly reaching up to tweak the willow leaves on their low-hanging branches. 'I'd forgotten how lovely this place could be.' Startled, she turned her head, unconscious of the charming picture she made framed by the glossy green leaves, her black hair a sleek wet helmet, her eyes reflecting the sky's blue depths. 'Adam!' she exclaimed, suddenly breathless. 'You frightened me.' 'You look like a water nymph,' he said, his voice mysteriously rough. 'If I touch you, will you vanish into thin air?' 'Try. me,' she said shakily, overwhelmingly aware of his closeness. His wheat-gold hair was curling wet about his ears, and water trickled down the brown column of his throat and across his broad shoulders. In one swift stroke he reached her, so near she could see the strange excitement glinting in his eyes. With one hand he encircled her bare shoulders. An electric shock raced through her body as her breasts were crushed against his hard chest and their legs entwined. His lips met hers, tentatively at first, but her trembling response brought an increasing ardour to his kiss. Her lips parted under his as he probed her mouth's sweetness. 'Kathleen! Adam! where are you?' It was Colin.

In a swirl of water Adam broke away from her, his deepset eyes ablaze with passion, his chest heaving. 'Over here,' he called, then added softly, 'I made a mistake, Kate.' 'What do you mean?' she faltered. 'You're no water nymph, dear Kateyou're far too human. And far too desirable for my peace of mind. And now, hadn't you better go back to Colin? He is your escort, after all.' Before she could gather her wits to reply, he took a deep breath and dived, only surfacing when he reached Nikki's tiny figure on the far side of the pond. Left alone, Kathleen gave a ragged sigh. He was right, of course ostensibly she was here with Colin. What kind of a woman was she that she could feel as though she were drowning in Adam's embrace when Adam was now a virtual stranger to her, and Colin was the man whom everyone expected her to marry? Her mouth felt bruised and tender, and wonderingly she touched a finger to its curves ... because Adam had kissed her, she thought intuitively, the world would never be quite the same again ... Eventually she stroked to the side of the pond, got out and grabbed a towel. Drying herself briskly, she strolled over to the blanket and lay down on her stomach, letting the heat of the sun dry and warm her. Purposefully forgetting all the confusion of the past few weeks, she let her thoughts linger on Adam's kiss; she had not felt so happy or peaceful in a long time, and she breathed a quick heartfelt prayer of thankfulness that Adam had come home. A body thudded on the blanket beside her, and her euphoric mood was dissipated as she saw it was Colin, not Adam. He smiled at her. 'Wow! that was great. I sure needed thatwhat a week I've had!'

She watched himthe Colin she had known for so long steady, predictable, conservative Colin. He dried himself carefully, and ruffled her wet hair. 'Hi, Kathleen. It seems like ages since we've done this. It's been so hectic at the office lately, I'm surprised I was able to make it today.' His hand covered hers. 'But I'm sure glad that I did. I miss you when I don't see you, darling.' Suddenly Kathleen felt pressured and uncomfortable. Things had always been relaxed and easy between them but now Colin's words arid touch unnerved her. She pulled her hand away from him, trying not to be too noticeable about it, and swept her dripping hair back from her face. 'Yes, it has been a long time since we've come here. Years, really.' Her voice was wistful and her gaze travelled to the pond, where Adam and Nikki were still swimming laughing and splashing and obviously totally enjoying themselves. Nikki was climbing on to Adam's shoulders and then diving off. A couple of times, however, Adam foiled her attempts by grabbing her legs and then falling backwards into the pond. They seemed oblivious to the world, so involved were they in each other. 'What are you thinking, Kathleen?' Colin's voice brought her back. 'Oh, I don't know,' she answered evasively. 'I was just watching them play, and enjoying this place. The pond is like a mirror today. I've never seen it so calm and peaceful ... so utterly still. Look at the reflection of the millIt's like a photograph or a painting. It feels so strange, almost eerie to me. And yet the calmness all around is beautiful.' 'Ummm ... the calm before the storm,' he said quietly.

She laughed self-consciously, not hearing his response. 'Gee, listen to me spouting off! I talk too much.' Colin took her hand in his again and even though Kathleen wanted to withdraw it, she did not. 'No, you don't, sweetheart. I love to hear you talk.' He paused a moment, then continued, 'What time shall I pick you up for the dance Saturday night?' She looked at him quizzically. 'The dance?' 'Yes, you goosethe dance. You knowthe grand finale for the County Fair.' 'Oh ... oh yes. I didn't know, for a minute, what you were talking about.' 'Silly girl, you've been waiting for the Fair for over a month now.' 'Yes, I know.' She stopped, not sure exactly how to tell him. 'I'm going to the Fair with Adam this year, Colin. I hope you won't be too disappointed. It's all arranged.' 'Oh? And does that include the dance, as well?' 'Yes.' She felt awkward and didn't know what else to say. A faint frown puckered his forehead, but he accepted her refusal with good grace. 'Well then, what about dinner tomorrow night? We could drive to Baddeck and maybe take in a movie as well. What do you say?' 'I think that would be nice. I'd like to, Colin.'

'Good. I'll pick you up about eight.' They said no more for a while and Kathleen again turned her attention to Adam and Nikki, who were now diving off the old water-wheel. 'How long is he staying, Kathleen?' 'Pardon?' she said abstractedly. 'I asked you how long Adam's going to stay here?' For some reason his question put her on the defensive, so that she answered abruptly, 'He's come home, Colin.' Impatience was evident in Colin's voice. 'I know he's come home, Kathleen. But for how long?' 'For ever, Colin. He's going to stay this time.' 'How do you know that? His kind can't stay long in one place. Home to him is wherever he is tomorrow.' Kathleen caught her breath. 'His kind? What do you mean? I thought you were his friend, Colin! How can you talk about him like that?' Colin shook his head. 'Oh, Kathleen, don't misunderstand, please. I've known Adam since we were kids, but he's changed, and I don't mean just a bit. He's different, drastically so. I have the feeling that he's been so closed up and tight, keeping all of his feelings to himself for the past few years, that he's ready to explode . He's primed for it. And I don't want you hurt.'

'What are you saying, Colin? I don't understand. You know as well as I do that Adam would never hurt me. Never.' 'I know he would never hurt you intentionally, darling, but after what's happened and the way he's had to live for the past while . .' he shook his head, 'I don't know if he'll be able to control the situation that may possibly arise here, any more than you could.' 'Stop talking in riddles, Colin! This is the first time that you've seen or been with Adam since his return, and yet you talk about how he's changed and how, you think he's ready to explode and that he may hurt me ... just what are you trying to say?' She drew her legs up under her chin, resting her head on her knees. 'I'm no fool, Kathleen. I can see the way you look at him he's no longer a brother to you, that's obvious.' Her blood pounded in her head. 'You're imagining things,' she snapped. 'I don't think so. I truly wish I were, but I honestly don't think so. He feels it too.' 'I don't want to talk about it any more. Let's change the subject, please.' He shrugged and his fingers tugged absently at the grass beside the blanket. 'How are things between Adam and Lee?' 'That's not changing the subject, and you know it!' She was upset and it showed in her voice, but still he went on. 'For God's sake, face facts, Kathleen. He can't stay in DeerfieldIt will mean disaster for his family and very likely for him. He'll be destroyed. I know it because I know Lee and I know Sondra. And

already there's talk in town, because people resent his return. He makes them uncomfortable, and people don't like to feel that way.' 'But why? Why should they feel uncomfortable? This is his home, Colin. He was born and raised here, and Lee and Sondra are a part of his family. Why should they be against him?' She clasped her hands, feeling the dampness on her palms. 'I just don't understand why you and all the others feel this way about Adam. He's one of us.' 'He's not one of us, Kathleen. After what happened four years ago he will never be welcome here in Deerfield again.' She turned to him, anger vividly evident in her face. 'I'm so sick of hearing vague allusions to four years ago! What happened four years ago? A man loses his wife in a tragic accident and his home in a fire and he's treated like an outsider and an outcast because of that? I've never heard of such blind stupidity in my life!' Colin frowned. 'You really don't know, do you?' 'I don't know what? Can't you say what you mean and stop playing these infernal word games?' 'Am I interrupting a quarrel?' Kathleen jumped, visibly startled. It was Adam, his bare feet soundless in the grass. 'No!' she retorted, glaring at him crossly, even as one part of her mind acknowledged how devastatingly attractive he looked with his wet hair gold in the sun, rivulets of water running down his powerful chest and lean hips. 'Where's Nikki?' she asked, hoping to distract him from enquiring further into the matter she and Colin had been discussing.

'I can't persuade that child to get out of the water. She loves it here. I can see we'll be making the trek to the Mill often enough this summer.' Kathleen felt the need of a comment or a response of some kind, but she could think of nothing to say, nor did her discomfort go unnoticed. 'Why so serious, you two? Did you have an argument on such a fine day?' Adam repeated, looking from one to the other, trying to fathom the tension between them. 'No ... we -weren't arguing' ventured Kathleen. 'It's just such a lazy dayI'm ...' she did not finish and lapsed into an embarrassed silence. Finally Colin broached a more neutral topic. 'Where did Nikki learn to swim like that? She's only seven and she swims like a fish. Who taught her?' 'I did,' responded Adam. Kathleen brightened. 'You taught me too, remember?' 'How could I forget? You damn near drowned me in the process.' They all laughed, although a note of strain still persisted. 'Kathleen tells me you're going to the County Fair,' commented Colin. Adam lay back in the grass, shading his eyes from the sun. 'Yes, Nikki's quite excited about it. Besides, a challenge was issued recently that I find I can't ignore.' 'Oh, what was that?'

'Well, our Kate here thinks that the red ribbon is her own personal property. Apparently she's won the race these last three years. Anyway, this year I've decided that she's going to have to work for it, so I'm going to enter with Oberon. We'll try to .keep it in the family, at any rate.' Colin said nothing, not looking particularly pleased by this piece of news. The remainder of the afternoon passed slowly and more than a little uncomfortably for Kathleen. She retreated into quietness, leaving the conversation to the men. They were friendly enough with one another on the surface, but she sensed an undercurrent of uneasiness and wariness within each of them detracting from what had promised to be a relaxing and carefree afternoon. After their picnic, Adam, wandered over to the Mill, Kathleen and Nikki played tag in the field, and Colin sat and read a book. It was dusk when they arrived back at the main house; Adam unsaddled and fed the horses while Kathleen walked with Colin to his car. 'Goodnight, Kathleen. Thanks for the picnic. I had a nice time.'. 'You don't have to lie to me, Colin Draper,' she said tartly. 'I know what kind of a time you had today, and "nice" isn't the right word for it.' 'Oh, come on, Kathleen. I did enjoy being with you I'm always glad when we can have time together.' He kissed her lightly on the cheek and whispered, 'I'll be gladder when I can have you all to myself and not have to share you with anyone else, though.' He eased himself into his car. 'I'll see you tomorrow evening,' he said, waving to her as he drove down the long driveway. Conscious of relief that he had finally gone, Kathleen went back to the barn. 'Do you need help with the horses, Adam?'

'No, thanks. Nearly finished.' Did she imagine the curtness in his voice? 'Where's Nikki?' she asked. He finished rubbing down Oberon. 'She's gone down to the cottage. She's pretty well played out, so she'll probably be asleep by the time I get there.' Kathleen moved closer to him so that he became more than a shadow in the semi-darkness.. 'I'm glad you came, with us today, Adam. It was good to be with you again,' she said softly. He reached out and ran his fingers through her hair. 'You're a funny kid, Kate.' He raised his hands in mock terror as if to ward off a blow. 'No, forgive meI didn't mean that! I know that you're not a kid any more.' His smile faded and he became serious again. 'But you're a funny kid, nevertheless.' 'Why do you say that?' His hand, firm and heavy, rested now on her shoulder, he felt the warmth of her slim body through the cotton shirt as he said, 'Because you are one of the two people here in this whole town who is honestly happy to see me back.' His voice grew husky. 'Because you don't hate me ... as you probably should.' There was no doubt that the look she saw now in his dark eyes was one of pain. What had happened to him she could not guessbut whatever it was, had been terrible enough for the hurt to linger after four long years. 'Kate, I...' he reached out to her; she walked willingly into his outstretched arms, and they stood clinging tightly to one another in the semi-darkness. Deep happiness welled within her, for she

sensed he had needed the comfort of her embrace. 'I....want to stay ... I need to stay,' he muttered hoarsely. 'But God knows, I don't want to hurt you.' His touch aroused a storm of feeling in her, and for a moment she abandoned herself to it, rejoicing in the heat of his body pressed against hers. Finally she whispered, 'You could only hurt me, Adam ... by going away again.' His arms tightened their hold, their bodies fusing to one dark silhouette in the shadowed stable. For Kathleen time ceased and she could only hope that he too was feeling the comfort and reassurance of their embrace. But it was not only comfort that she felt-... a slow fire was spreading along her veins, and all at once she was so terrified by this alien passion that she pulled free of him, said breathlessly, 'I'll see you tomorrow,' and ran from the barn. Once she was hidden from him by the corner of the building, she stopped and leaned against the wall, its stones rough against her back. Involuntarily she shivered, wishing she had not fled from him and wondering what would have happened if she had not.

CHAPTER SIX IT was late that evening when Kathleen sought John's company in the library. She entered cautiously, not sure of how to broach the subject on her mind. The only method she knew was an open and direct one, and so she began, 'John, could I speak to you a moment? About Adam?' She had not mentioned to anyone the violent encounter she had witnessed between Adam arid Lee two weeks earlier, but after the things that Colin had said today, she badly needed to talk to someone about her conflicting feelings, and who better than John? So she haltingly relayed to him the things Colin had said and the argument that had taken place between Adam and Lee. John did not interrupt, but let her continue until she felt she had said all she could. 'I know about the incident, Kathleen, because Adam told me what happened. He also told me you had seen it that worried him considerably.' She looked up quickly. 'Don't look so surprised. Why should Adam hide this from me? And why should he not worry about you, little one?' 'I don't know,' she stammered. 'It was just such a terrible thing. And now Lee, his own brother, doesn't go near himhe avoids him completely except to give him orders to do this or that. Adam's like a hired hand, John. It's as if he doesn't belong.' She put her hands to her face. 'It's wrong ... all wrong, and it's hurting Adam, I know it.' 'I know it is too, Kathleen. In fact, he's wondering now if he should have decided to stay.'

She gasped. 'Oh, John, he can't leave. Not ever again.' John sighed. 'He doesn't think he can remain here if things don't improve between him and Lee.' She walked to the window, her face strained. How could the happiness and joy that she felt when she first saw Adam walking down the road to Sevenoaks have faded so quickly into nothingness? 'John?' she turned abruptly. 'What is going on around here? What's happening to us all? It was never like this beforewe were all happy together. We wereI know it.' Although she was speaking to John, she was also desperately trying to convince herself of the truth of her own words. John looked at her, his eyes sad and troubled. He patted the couch with a weary hand. 'Come here, child, and sit down. We need to talk.' 'Oh, John!' Tears welled in her eyes but she fought them back. 'There's something I don't know about, isn't there? Something terrible ...' He looked at her thoughtfully, trying to decide what was the best thing to say and how much to tell. He sighed heavily. 'Yes, my Kathleen. You haven't seen or known everything there has been to know about us,' He reached out for her hand and held it, warm and small in his own. 'You're like a daughter to me, Kathleen. You couldn't be more so, even if you were of my own blood. You are my daughter in every sense that counts. I love you and wouldn't see you hurt, if I could avoid it.' He closed his eyes as if gathering his strength to continue, and the girl's nerves tightened with apprehension. 'What I'm going to say, I tell you now because I feel it's time. I only wish

that things hadn't deteriorated to the point where it's become necessary for you to ask.' He smiled at her, the corners of his eyes wrinkling. 'You were always so bright and happy and alive, and I wanted you to stay that wayuntouched by sadness and pain. It was -probably very unrealistic of me to want that in the first place; and maybe it wasn't really particularly kind of me either, to protect you the way I did. But believe me, please, child, I did it because I loved you. It certainly wasn't because I wanted to hurt you.' He squeezed her hand slightly, his eyes asking for reassurance and forgiveness. 'I know, John,' Kathleen spoke in a whisper. 'And I've always been happy here with you. I love you, too. I know you don't want to hurt me.' 'Thank you, child.' He shook his head. 'No, that's not the right word either. You must forgive a blind and foolish old man, but you're no longer a childyou're a woman now, and I've been too stupid to see that until recentlynot until Adam returned.' He stopped again, retreating into- his own private thoughts. 'Please, John,' Kathleen pursued quietly, 'tell me. I must know.' 'Kathleen, relations were never very good between Adam and LeeI don't know why, although I suppose it could be because they're only half-brothers. They had everything they needed when they were growing up and they each had plenty of care and attention. But I must speak bluntly. I love both of my sons dearly, Kathleen, but that hasn't blinded me to the fact that Lee has always resented being the second son. Ever since he was a young boy he's competed with Adam, most of the time unnecessarily. I don't know why he felt compelled to outdo Adam at every turn, but he did. He was different from Adam and yet he tried to be like him, to do the

things that Adam did, and to do them better than Adam. At first I thought it was friendly normal competition, but it wasn't, Kate, I know that now.' He dropped her hand and pressed his own to his forehead. She moved and started to speak, but he silenced her. 'No, let me finish. It's no longer a friendly competition by any stretch of the imagination, it's hatred now.' His voice grew husky and his eyes dulled with sadness. 'I've tried to deny it to myself for years, but now that Adam's back, and after what happened with Leslie before he left, I know that this feud between him and Lee may very well destroy one of them, and maybe both, if something isn't done to prevent it. Adam is already different. He's so withdrawn and bitter, and he was never like that, never.' Kathleen rose from the couch and walked to the window. She looked out at the garden shrouded now in darkness and yet still obviously orderly. What a contrast to the way that she was feeling! 'John, I almost feel that I haven't really lived here with this family at all. How could these things have been happening without me realising what was going on?' 'You Were a. child through most of it; you lived in your own wellinsulated world. And I know too that Adam worked hard to protect you from it all. He didn't want your innocence destroyed any more than I do now.' Again she looked out over the manicured garden. 'John, tell me about Leslie. No one mentions her here any more, it's almost as if she'd never existed. Once, a long time ago, I asked Sondra what happened to her, and she became so violently angry with me that I never dared mention it again.'

'Yes, there were times Sondra wished Leslie had never existed.' John's voice was bitter. 'I love Sondra, but sometimes she's much too worried about what the neighbours will think.' He paused. 'I find it difficult to speak to you, Kathleen, when you're not facing me. Could you come back to the couch?' She did as she was asked, touched by the pain in his eyes and voice. 'Kathleen, you must understand; before I go any further that sometimes a man will be driven, to save a person whom he thinks has been victimised and to save the honour of his family, even at great cost to himself.' His voice broke slightly. 'And it's no disgrace to that man if it was all done unnecessarily, if it was all a mistakea useless, wasted sacrifice.' Kathleen's heart pounded. She held her breath. 'What are you trying to tell me, John? Is it Adam? What did he do? You're talking in riddles!' 'Yes, it's Adam, and he did what no man should have been asked to do, Kathleen. Eight or nine years ago Lee was going out with Leslie on a pretty regular basis. We thought that finally he might settle down, he'd always been a bit wild. She was a nice little thing, quiet and considerate, we all liked her. Besides, she seemed to have a good influence on Lee, and it was obvious that Lee was a very important person in her life. They went together for almost a year. By that time everyone assumed they would marry. Then one night Adam came to see me. He was deeply troubled, and furious with Lee.' John closed his eyes as if trying to remove the strain of that memory from his mind. 'I think he might have killed Lee that night, he was so angry. Apparently Leslie, in desperation, had told Adam she was going to have a babyLee's babyand that Lee had refused to marry her, that he would have nothing more to do

with her, and had never intended to be trapped into marriage at all. She was beside herself and told Adam she was going to kill herself. He managed to calm her down and took her home. Then he came here looking for Lee. Thank God he found me and not Lee! I hate to think of what he might have done ... in any case, the end result was that Adam decided to marry Leslieto protect her honour and ours as well. I advised against it, but once he had made up his mind there was nothing I could do or say to dissuade him. The tragedy of it all was that Leslie hadn't been pregnant at all, she'd been mistaken.' 'But, John, what about Nikki? What about...' Even though Kathleen felt physically ill after these disclosures, she still had to know about Nikkibut why, oh, why had she even wanted to ferret out the truth in the first place? John continued, his voice dull and lifeless, 'Nikki was born at least a year and a half after Adam and Leslie were married. She's Adam's child, not Lee's. I guess she was the only honest and good thing that ever came out of their marriage, for Adam anyway. She means the world to him, she always did.' 'But why did they stay married? They must have grown to love each other or they would never have stayed together.' 'I don't know why people do the things they do, child, but I know for certain that they didn't love each other. The only love they shared was for their daughter. Maybe that was why they stayed together ... because of Nikki.' They sat together in silence, neither being inclined to pick up the frail thread of conversation, for what more could be said? The clock on the mantel ticked louder and louder, plodding on, its inflexible rhythm marking the passage of time. Thoughts and

feelings fought chaotically in Kathleen's mind, and finally she asked in a voice that was barely audible, 'How did Leslie die, John? What really happened?' He looked at her quickly. 'What are you suggesting, Kathleen?' 'I thought that just as no one would speak of her life here with us, neither would they talk of her death. I'm beginning to wonder what I haven't been told about that. For instance, isn't it strange that Adam's home should be destroyed by fire on the same day that Leslie was killed in a car accident?' John buried his face in his hands. 'Oh, my God, Kathleen, don't! Don't ask that question of me. Do you think I haven't beaten and tortured myself with that terrible coincidence? It's tragic that they should have happened at all, but both at the same time ... Leslie dead and their home destroyed by fire, all within the same hour. And dear little Nikki, only three years old at the time, must have seen or heard something so terrifying to her that she hasn't spoken since. I haven't feared much in my life, but I mean it when I tell you thisI'm afraid of finding out what happened up there on the mountain that night, I don't want to know.' Appalled, Kathleen could not hold back the tears any longer. She pressed her hands to her face and sobbed, 'You ... you think that... maybe Adam ... maybe he ...?' John's voice was hard and tightly controlled when he answered, 'I told you, Kathleen, I don't know what happened up there and I don't want to know.' Kathleen could stand the confinement of the library no longer. She ran from the room, not looking back and therefore not seeing the look of desolation and fear on the face of a tired man; a man old,

not in years, but in the knowledge that he desperately avoided facing.

Kathleen's sleep was disturbed by dreams, and although when she awoke the next morning she could not recall any concrete images, she was left with a nightmarish sense of dread for the future, a heaviness of spirit that made her turn over in bed and bury her face in the pillow. John's revelations about Lee and Leslie and Adam had shocked her deeply, yet even more frightening had been his refusal to discuss the manner of Leslie's death ... what dreadful suspicions was he harbouring, that he dared not confront the double mystery of a car accident and a burned house? To what did he attribute his widowed son's hasty disappearance after the funeral, and his sudden reappearance after years of silence? Worse still, she wondered now if Adam felt responsible for his wife's death, if that was the burden he had carried with him on his wanderings, even though every instinct in her body screamed out a denial against this knowledge. Not Adam ... or at least not the Adam of four summers ago, with his slow smile and rocklike strength, his integrity and flashes of wit. She sighed, unwillingly recalling that he and Leslie had had separate bedrooms; and she could remember more than one occasion when she had been looking for Leslie and Adam had been deliberately vague about her whereabouts. Furthermore, Leslie, when she thought herself unobserved, would look at Adam with a sort of frightened fascination; yes, Kathleen admitted to herself wearily, Leslie had been frightened of Adam the last few months of her lifebut why?

Like a caged animal, her brain went round and round the few facts that she knew, endeavouring to find a pattern that could explain away the mystery of Leslie's death. But all that happened was that she was drawn deeper and deeper into a morass of uncertainty and fear. Finally she got up. It was not until she pulled back her curtains and looked out on the fresh summer morning that she remembered she had a date with Colin later in the day, for dinner and a movie. With heartfelt relief she realised she would be away from Sevenoaks for several hours, away from Adam and the enigma he presented. Until now she had not recognised how great was her need for escape ... Deliberately Kathleen spent the day evading any contact with Adam, knowing that her emotions were too precariously balanced to risk seeing him. She took Sandy for a long ride in the morning, played with Nikki after lunch, and did some weeding in the vegetable garden, her tangled thoughts soothed by the warmth of .the sun on her back and by the texture of the rich soil in her hands. After transplanting some seedlings and putting away her tools in the shed, she went to her room to bath and change, choosing to wear a summer suit of flowered polished cotton with a light silk blouse} and dainty sandals of thin-strapped leather. She had already told Sondra of her plans for the evening, so now she slipped quietly out of the house and sauntered down the driveway in the direction Colin would come, knowing that thereby she would avoid any inadvertent meeting with Adam. The hills and fields were bathed in the golden light of early evening, while the fresh green leaves of the trembling aspens hung still on their slim grey branches. As the neatly cared-for lawns came to an end, a riot of wildflowers coloured the ditches.

Overpowering the echo of birdsong, she could hear the distant roar of Colin's car engine, an intrusion in nature's serenity. He pulled up beside her in his unpretentious blue compact and smiled at her through the open window. 'Hi, beautiful. Can I give you a lift?' 'My mother told me never to talk to strange men,' she replied demurely. As he laughed, she found herself observing him with a new sense of objectivity, noticing his excessive neatness, his smoothed-back brown hair and conventionally good-looking face. She could not help contrasting his regular, untroubled features with Adam's lined and ravaged face, and untidy thatch of hair. 'What's the matter?' Colin asked quizzically. 'Did I forget to wash my face?' She had the grace to blush. 'Sorry, I was staring, wasn't I?' For a moment his very air of self-control and neatness was appealing after the emotional stress Adam seemed to leave in his wake. Spontaneously she reached down and kissed him on the cheek. 'It is nice to see you,' she said. 'I've been looking forward to this outing all day.' Pleased surprise illuminated his light grey eyes. 'Hey,' he teased, 'you should do that more often. I like it! Hop in. We're having dinner at the Colonial InnI reserved a table for eight-thirty.' The restaurant had been remodelled from one of the old valley homes, its gracious white porticos illumined by coachman's lanterns; massed azaleas and early roses were clustered under its bow windows. Inside, brightly coloured braided rugs were scattered over the smooth oak floors, while handwoven curtains picked out the hues of the charming floral wallpaper.

After a cocktail, Kathleen and Colin helped themselves from the lavish display of salads at the buffet table, while the chef broiled their steaks. Dessert was chocolate sundaes, heaped high with nuts and whipped cream and cherries. Kathleen ate hers with gusto, then sighed and pushed her chair back from the table. 'That was delicious, Colin, thank you,' she said. 'I ate too much, though.' He eyed her slender form with a proprietorial air. 'I don't think you're in any danger of losing your girlish figure,' he remarked. Then he leaned forward and covered her hand with his, his mood undergoing a lightning-swift change. 'Kathleen, I've been meaning to say this for some time now -' Suddenly uneasy, she tried to extricate her hand, but he only gripped her fingers more tightly. 'Colin -' she protested. 'No, listen to me,' he said insistently. 'You know I want to marry you, Kathleen, I have for months now. But I guess I wanted to be sure my practice was well established before J said anything to you.' Even though she was wishing he would change the subject, she could not help being faintly amused by his prudenceno impulsive love affairs would upset Colin's life, she mused, nor would any overwhelming passions alter his innate caution and good sense. She rubbed her forehead with her free hand, wishing she could dispel the image of a pair of intense brown eyes; if Adam wanted a woman, she thought with swift insight, he would take her, scorning his prospects or lack of them. She gave herself a mental shake, in time to hear Colin continue, 'We're so well suited, you and I, neither of us ever wants to move away from Deerfield, and we like doing the same things.' He warmed to his subject, apparently not noticing her lack of response. 'I can picture you as a

hostess at our dinner parties, as a mother for our children ... you'd be the perfect wife for me.' In a spurt of rebellion she said, 'Yes, but would you be the perfect husband for me?' Nonplussed, he looked at her in the flickering candlelight, his face puzzled and hurt. Remorsefully she said, 'I'm sorry, Colin, I shouldn't have said that.' More firmly she went on, 'But you know, you haven't said the most important thing of all ...' 'What's that?' 'Why, that you love me, of course.' 'Kathleen dear, that goes without saying -' 'Oh, no, it doesn't. It's the only basis for a marriage, Colin. All the things you mentioned are frills, extras.' 'You know I love you. I have for monthsyears even. But I had to wait for you to grow up.' Obviously concluding he had dealt with her objections, he said confidently, 'Let's settle the date. How about early in August? I always take my holidays then, and we could combine them with a honeymoon.' Partly exasperated by his obtuseness, yet not wanting to hurt him more than she had to, Kathleen said as gently as she could, 'Colin, I'm sorry, but I can't marry you.' 'Honey, there's no need for you to be coy -' 'I'm not being coy,' she contradicted, irritated in spite of her good intentions. 'I like you, Colin, I really do, you've been a dear friend of mine for a long time. But I don't love you.'

'Look,' he said calmly, 'this whole idea is new to you and has probably come as a surprise. You need time to think about it. I know in the end you'll say "yes", because we belong together, I'm convinced of it. But in the meantime let's just go on as we are ... and now if we're going to make the film in time, we'd better hurry.' He hadn't heard a word she'd said, Kathleen thought ruefully, as she slipped on her suit jacket and followed him out to the car. But she found herself unable, to broach the subject again, for all the way to the theatre Colin determinedly chatted about a court case he had been involved with last week. The movie was a light-hearted comedy about a college student's romance with an infuriatingly absent- minded professor, and for a couple of hours Kathleen was able to forget the perplexities of the day. She was still chuckling as they emerged into the lobby. 'Oh, there are Carol and David,' Colin exclaimed. 'Have you met them before, Kathleen? They're friends of mine from Sydney, although they live in Toronto nowDavid's a solicitor there.' Carol was an excessively well-groomed blonde with a somewhat intimidating air of brittle sophistication; David, sleek and selfassured, greeted Colin with just the slightest hint of condescension. 'Hello, old man,' he said. 'Nice to see you. You're still burying your talents in Deerfield, are you?' Colin grinned amiably. 'Deerfield suits me fine and always will. I'd like you both to meet a friend of mine, Kathleen CameronCarol and David Richards, Kathleen.' 'Do you live in Deerfield too?' Carol asked. 'Yes, on the outskirts,' Kathleen answered. 'I live at Sevenoaks do you know it at all?'

David glanced at her with sharpened interest. 'Sevenoaks? That's where Adam and Leslie Deerfield lived, isn't it?' She nodded, suddenly tense at the mention of Leslie's name. 'Yes,' she agreed. 'You're from Sydney, are you, David?' she asked, hoping he would be tactful enough to accept the change of subject. 'Yeah,' he said absently, then addressed Colin. 'You know, I was articling near here when Leslie Deerfield was killedI always felt there was something very peculiar about that whole accident... I'm surprised the police didn't take it any further than they did.' 'Why should they have?! Kathleen asked sharply. 'Well, it was general knowledge that Adam and Leslie didn't get along. And then for him to disappear so completely right afterwards ... you have to admit, it looks odd.' Perhaps . sensing Kathleen's increasing perturbation, Colin intervened, 'You'd better watch what you're saying, Dave. Adam's back home again now -' 'You mean he came back?' 'Yes, a month or so ago.' 'He's got nerve!' 'Sevenoaks is his home,' Kathleen snapped. 'He surely has a perfect right to be there?' Following his own train of thought, David said, 'The rumours must be flying now. I just hope he's thick-skinned, that's all.' 'Rumours about what?' the girl demanded.

Colin shifted uncomfortably. 'Leave it, Kathleen,' he murmured. 'It's getting late and we should be heading for home.' 'Well,' David drawled, 'two words that were tossed around a good bit were murder and suicide.' Kathleen gasped, the colour draining from her cheeks. Again she was frightened by the depths of her ignorance, for she had heard none of this gossip. Adam had, she knew that nowit would explain his tension, his withdrawn and brooding silences, his desire to stay close to the farm. Sickly, she wondered if she had done him a favour by insisting he take her to the fair, for people from all around Deerfield would be there, and he was scarcely an inconspicuous figure. 'When they start using a word like "murder", people had better be careful,' Colin said crisply. 'There's such a thing as the law of slander. And now I think we'd better be going. Nice to see you two again.' With scant ceremony he ushered Kathleen out of the lobby and into his car. She was scarcely aware of what he was doing, and consequently paid little attention to his destination as he drove away from the theatre. It was only when the car stopped that she straightened in her seat and looked around with dazed eyes. 'Where are we?' she murmured. 'This isn't the way home, Colin. We're at the Lookout, aren't we?' 'Yeah,' he said grimly. I think we need to restore our sense of perspective. Come on,' She was not so sunk in her own misery that she did not hear the tightness in his voice. Dumbly she did as she was told. They walked from the car to the edge of the ridge and for a long moment stood in silence.

They were high on the plateau overlooking the wide spread of the valley. From the houses that edged the road, lights twinkled gold and yellow, so much friendlier than the cold and distant stars. A half moon shed a pale radiance, and as Kathleen's eyes adjusted to the darkness she could distinguish the neatly arranged orchards and the square black woodlots. Far away on the opposite horizon loomed the bulk of North Mountain. The quiet was absolute. Gradually the serenity of the scene seeped into her troubled mind, so that she said impulsively to Colin, 'I needed this thanks.' But he did not respond to her lightened mood. Instead, staring at her sombrely, he said, 'I understand now why you didn't accept my proposal. I must have been blind not to have seen it before.' Whatever she might have expected him to say, this was not it. 'What do you mean?' 'You're in love with Adam,' A strange frisson rippled across her nerves. 'Don't be silly,' she said evenly. 'Of course I'm not.' 'Don't bother denying it,' he said wearily. 'I saw the way you reacted when David was talking. It's as obvious as' he gestured upwards 'the moon in the sky.' 'I'm not in love with Adam,' Kathleen repeated vehemently. 'But it hurts me that people can gossip so cruelly about himsurely that's a natural enough reaction?' He sighed, his face in the moonlight looking pinched and older. 'Okay, okay,' he said. 'There's not much point in arguing about it. Let's go home.'

'Colin ...' she started, filled with remorse that even unwittingly she had caused such a change in him. 'I said drop it!' He strode back to the car, got in, and slammed the door shut. Kathleen felt a spurt of anger. Just because he had conceived this ridiculous idea that she. was in love with Adamand a ridiculous idea it washe was behaving like a spoilt child. Once again she surveyed the broad sweep of the valley, but it had lost its power to soothe her; her shoulders drooping with tiredness, she joined Colin in the car. He revved up the engine and jabbed the gears into reverse, backing on to the dirt road from the grass verge where he had been parked. The car wavered, and he tugged at the wheel. With a muffled exclamation he turned off the ignition and climbed out. 'Now what's wrong?' Kathleen asked, with a lamentable lack of patience. 'Flat tyre,' he answered tersely. Kathleen's sense of humour came to her rescue; it seemed such a trite situation, a flat tyre in this lonely spot, where she and Colin had parked in the moonlight. 'I don't believe a word of it,' she said primly. 'You'll have to think of a better line than that.' Colin glared at her murderously. 'Cut out the funny remarks and help me with the jack, will you?' he demanded, pulling on the hand brake lever with unnecessary force, and disappearing around the back of the car. She pulled a rude face at his back, again annoyed that he should behave so childishly. As she passed him the jack lever and held the

bolts for the wheel, she came to the unhappy conclusion that here was yet another change that could be attributed to Adam's return; Colin had always been fun, a debonair and cheerful companion whose attentions she had more or less taken for granted. And now he was angry with her ... although sulking was a better word, she thought rebelliously, further annoyed by his tight-lipped silence as he took off the old tyre and put on the spare. 'Colin, you're behaving like a bear with a sore paw,' she accused. He paused in his task and glanced up at her. 'I guess I am, aren't I?' he said slowly. 'Sorry, old girl. But it's after one o'clock and I should have had you home an hour ago.' 'That doesn't matter,' she said, blithely ignorant of what the next two hours held for her. She patted his sleeve. 'But don't be cross with me.' He tapped the hub-cap back into place and stood up, wiping his hands on a piece of rag, and she saw with relief that he was his normal self again. He dropped a light kiss on her cheek. 'I suppose I'd hoped I'd be taking you home as my fiance,' he said. 'But I haven't given up hope, darling. I can understand how Adam's arrival could easily knock you for a loop, but I know you'll get over it. And Kathleen ...' he was all at once deeply serious, 'if you ever need me for anything, at any hour of the day or night, just pick up the phone and I'll come.' 'That's sweet of you, Colin,' she said, softly brushing his cheek with her lips. 'And now we really had better get home.' He let her off at Sevenoaks where the driveway curved to the main house; Sondra had left the lights on for her. His goodnight kiss was gentle and undemanding, but even so she was conscious of strong feelings of relief as his tail lights vanished out of sight, leaving her

alone in the velvet blackness of the summer night. She stretched, ridding herself of the last of the evening's tensions; she would go and see Sandy, she decided, for it was too lovely a night to go tamely to bed. Surefooted as a cat in the dark, she walked quietly across the dew-wet grass to the stables. Something moved in the deep shadows behind the barn. As Kathleen stood transfixed, footsteps scrunched in the gravel and a dark silhouette became visible. Suppressing a panic-stricken shriek, she shrank back against the wall, her heart pounding in her breast. Then, as the figure moved into the moonlight, she recognised who it was. She let out her pent-up breath in a shaky sigh. 'Oh, Adam,' she stammered, 'how you scared me!' 'Did I, Kate?' he said, his voice dangerously quiet. Only when he spoke did she come to the slow realisation that he was angry. Still shaken by his unexpected appearance, she whispered, 'What's wrong?' 'Why should anything be wrong?' 'Adam,' she said sharply, 'don't play games! Something's the matter, I can tell by your voice. Is Nikki' 'Nikki is asleep in bed, and has been for hours.' 'You worried me for a minute ... I thought something might have happened to her.' 'I'm more interested in what's happened to you.'

With growing dismay she began to realise that it was she he was angry with. Unable to think of a reason why, she was emboldened to ask, 'What have I done now, Adam? You'd better tell me, because you're obviously cross about something.' In an instant he advanced upon her, seizing both her shoulders in his strong fingers. 'Cross about something?' he repeated with heavy sarcasm. 'What do I have to be cross about?' Because his touch inflamed her senses, she allowed an answering sharpness to barb her tongue. 'As you seem to be talking in riddles, I have no idea. So why don't you enlighten me?' 'What I'd like to do is shake you until your teeth rattle in that empty little head of yours!' 'You wouldn't dare ...' 'Oh, wouldn't I? Don't push me.' By now gloriously angry, Kathleen glared up at him, her eyes huge purple pools in her pale face. 'Isn't it marvellous how men can always resort to brute strength to win their arguments?' she jibed. 'Oh,' he replied deliberately, 'you're forgetting I have other weapons.' Still holding her imprisoned with his hands, he stepped closer, lowered his head, and silenced her inarticulate protest with his mouth. There was no tenderness in his kiss, only a cruel and brutal probing that she was powerless to resist. Her frantic struggles ceased; unable to breathe, she felt her senses begin to swim and her body sagged against his. He pushed her away with a violence that slammed her against the wall. Though dizzy and sick, and shaking in every limb, she dug her fingers into the rough shingles, fiercely determined not to

shame herself by fainting in front of him. Her vision slowly cleared until again she could distinguish his face, with its, shadowed cheekbones and mouth a thin hard line. 'I don't know why I kissed you,' he taunted. 'I'm in no mood to take Colin's leftovers.' She stood bolt upright. 'Kindly explain what you mean by that?' 'Well, it's pretty obvious, isn't it?' He looked at his watch pointedly. 'It is two a.m., dear Kate.' 'I'm not your dear Kate. And anyway,' she added defensively, 'we had a flat tyre.' 'The classic excuse!' 'It happens to be true.' 'Just where did you have a flat tyre?' 'At the Lookout,' she said weakly. 'Colin's not very original, is he?' Adam scoffed. 'That's been a parking spot for lovers as long as I can remember.' 'We are not lovers! We were only talking -' Suddenly remembering the subject of that conversation, she fell silent, a guilty flush staining her cheeks. 'Sure,' he said sarcastically. 'Forgive me if I don't believe you.' 'It's none of your business what I do anyway! I managed very well without you for four years, you know.'

She heard his sharp intake of breath and even in the semi-gloom could see how he flinched as though she had physically struck him. 'I'm sorry ...' she faltered. Keeping his voice level with an obvious effort, Adam said, 'Perhaps I deserved that.' He reached out and took one of her hands in his, running his thumb over her slim ringless fingers; they trembled slightly in his clasp. 'Let's begin again, Kate. I was genuinely worried about you tonight. Sondra had said you always get home by midnight, so I was beginning to think you must have had an accident.' 'We really did have a flat tyre, Adam,' she said meekly, immeasurably relieved by his change of manner, and further disarmed by the fact that he had worried about her. 'Okay, I believe you! But you know, Kate, for all that Colin's a nice guy, he's still a man, and you're really just a kid ... I think Sondra gives you a bit too much leeway.' In spite of herself, she felt her temper rise again. 'Adam,' she said, striving for patience, 'I am not a kid. I'm a grown woman, and it's been a long time since I've had to account to Sondraor anyone elsefor where and how I spend my time.' 'Somebody has to look after you, if she won't.' 'I don't need looking after!' She added pettishly, 'You sound as though you're trying to be my father.' To her surprise he began to laugh, a deep chuckle of genuine amusement. 'Oh, no, Kate, I wouldn't want you to think that. Come here.'

Wondering why she should trust him, yet knowing she did, she walked up to him, her face tilted in unconscious provocation. This time his arms encircled her with a calm, sure strength, gently, searchingly, his lips moved against hers, until her brief resistance melted and she clung to him her fingers entwining themselves in his hair ... she felt as though she was floating ... Eventually he released her. With one hand he caressed her cheek, her neck, the delicate hollow of her collarbone, until his fingers came to rest on the pulse throbbing frantically at the base of her throat. Mesmerised by the warmth of his hand, the intensity of his gaze, she shivered with pleasure, 'You're cold,' he said in quick concern. 'No -' But the spell was broken. 'I'll walk you up to the house,' Adam said; she felt a pang of dismay at the matter-of-factness of his voice. 'Hurry up.' As he strode off, she stumbled to keep up with him. At the front door he lightly patted her on the cheek ... just as he might have done with Nikki, Kathleen thought fretfully. 'Goodnight, Kate, sleep well. I'll see you tomorrow.' His tall figure merged into the darkness. Kathleen opened the door and tiptoed into the hallway, slipping off her sandals to prevent unnecessary noise. There was a light burning in the living-room and she padded across the carpet to turn it off before going upstairs. But as she reached for the switch, she was astonished to see Lee standing by the window. Without preamble he said, 'I thought you went out with Colin.'

'I did.' 'Then why did Adam bring you home?' She suppressed an almost hysterical giggle at the prospect of yet another inquisition. 'I happened to meet him afterwards, that's all,' she announced with finality. 'You'll put out the light, will you, Lee? I'm going to bed.' 'Listen, Kathie, just let me say one thing before you go,' he said. He sounded troubled, and it was difficult for her to doubt his obvious sincerity. 'I know you've been shocked by the way I've behaved since Adam came home, but believe me, I have my reasons. All I want to say is thisbe careful, won't you? Don't let yourself get involved with him, whatever you do.' Unwillingly she was impressed by his very lack of emphasis. 'Why not, Lee?' 'Because he'll use you, just as he used Leslie. And then when you're no more good to him, he'll throw you aside ... I've seen it happen before. He can charm the birds off the trees, but underneath he's utterly ruthless.' She shuddered reminiscently, remembering that first brutal kiss, so different from the sureness and control of the second. A sickness rose in her throatcould Lee be right? As though sensing his advantage, Lee persisted, 'He doesn't need anyone, Kathie, his kind never does. And you're too nice a girl to be hurt by him. Take my advice and stick to Colin, you could do a lot worse than to marry him. He's a good man and he'd cherish you as a woman should be cherished.' He broke off and gave a shamefaced laugh. 'I sound like the advice to the lovelorn column,

don't I?' He squeezed her shoulder. 'Off to bed, you look worn out. I'll lock up and put out the lights.' She obeyed him, automatically climbing the stairs to her room, where she undressed and got into bed, huddling under the covers for warmth. As she lay there, she could not prevent the seeds of doubt which Lee had planted from growing ... Lee and Colin and Sondra had all warned her against Adam, and even Adam himself had said it would be better if she hated him ... why then did she persist in feeling so attracted to him? Why did she long to assuage his grief and guilt? They were unanswerable questions. Exhausted and utterly confused, she drifted off into a restless sleep.

CHAPTER SEVEN THE County Fair opened on one of those uncertain summer days when billowing, grey-edged clouds chase each other across a pale blue sky, and the wind tugs at the trees and blows swirls of dust up into the air. Wise to the ways of the weather, Kathleen put raincoats in the back seat of the ranch wagon and threw in Nikki's boots. The child's face was speaking volumes for her today, for it was alight with anticipation, and her little body quivered with eagerness to arrive at the fair. Leaving Kathleen by the car, she ran back to the cottage and soon emerged, dragging Adam by the hand. Kathleen smiled at him as he approached, thinking how relaxed and handsome he looked with the breeze ruffling his hair; he was dressed in jeans and an open-necked blue shirt, his sleeves rolled up and a sweater thrown casually across one shoulder. She did not realise how provocatively her own jeans clung to her slim hips, nor how the tailored blouse she wore emphasised her feminine curves; like Nikki, she too sparkled with anticipation. 'Are we ready?' Adam asked, somewhat unnecessarily. He opened the car door and set the picnic basket on the floor of the back seat, then Nikki slid into the front between him and Kathleen. The Fair was held every year in a large open field edged by elm trees, a mile or so outside the village limits. Already the parking lot was lined with cars and clusters of people were wandering towards the tents and booths set in neat rows along the riverbank, where flags snapped in the wind, and bunches of brightly coloured balloons tugged at their strings. The cheerful music of the merrygo-round, the shouts of vendors, the shrieks of children on the bumper cars, all mingled with the noises of the crowd.

Without thinking, Kathleen laid her hand on Adam's bare forearm. 'Let's take Nikki on the ferris wheel,' she suggested impulsively. He grinned down at her. 'You're worse than she is,' he teased affectionately. 'I didn't realise I was bringing two children to the fair!' He hugged her briefly, a gesture that warmed her heart, and hand in hand the three of them plunged into the melee. They swept through the air on the ferris wheel, rode the gaily painted horses on the carousel, and bounced on the trampoline; at one booth Adam hit the moving target with his rifle, winning Nikki an immense yellow teddy bear; at another Kathleen treated them all to sticky pink cotton candy, that coated their tongues with sweetness. Nikki's wide-eyed wonder was contagious ... Kathleen forgot her worries about Adam's past and Leslie's death, immersing herself in the present with wholehearted zeal. Without pausing to consider the implications, she delighted in the closeness of the three of them, taking pride in Adam's rugged good looks and warmed by his unselfconscious love for his daughter, feeling, moreover, as though she were part of a family. At lunchtime they went back to the car and Adam drove a couple of miles down the road to a little beach of finely ground stones in an inlet of the river. Temporarily the clouds had cleared away from the sun, so that its heat had soaked into the sand. Kathleen pulled off her sandals and rolled up her jeans, wading into the clear warm water ; Nikki followed suit, while Adam set up the Coleman stove to boil the kettle. Sitting cross-legged on the grass, they ate cold chicken and firm, ripe tomatoes with fresh rolls, then munched on bananas and fruit cake. Afterwards Nikki wandered down to the shore, digging trenches and arranging little piles of stones to make a dam, and Kathleen lay back on the grass, feeling the sun beat on her face and caress her skin through her thin blouse; she was filled with a vast contentment.

Adam sat down beside her, peeling off his shirt; she let her eyes wander over his body in secret delight, admiring his flat belly and muscled arms, the tangle of blond hair across his chest. Lying on one elbow, he gazed down at her, and shyly she smiled at him, her blue eyes candid with trust and friendliness. She had no idea of just how beautiful she looked in her boyish clothing, the material of her blouse pulled taut across her breasts, her cheeks flushed from the sun. Her eyelids drooped; the ripple of the river and the sigh of the wind receded into the distance as she dozed off. For a long time Adam remained motionless, his body curved protectively around hers, his eyes lingering on the delicate lines of her face and the sheen of her hair. When Nikki tired of playing in the river, she helped her father gather up the remains of the picnic, and it was the clatter of plates that caused Kathleen to stir. She stretched sensuously. When she opened her eyes, Adam's were looking straight into hers with a curious intensity that brought a blush to her cheeks. She murmured, 'You shouldn't have let me sleep.' 'We're in no hurry,' he replied with a lazy grin, stretching out a hand to help her to her feet. Her face tilted to his as he pulled her closer, one hand firm against her spine, the other around her shoulders, and her very heartbeat seemed to falter as she waited for whatever he might choose to do ... but his gaze shifted to his daughter, who was staring at them both with intense interest, her glossy head tipped to one side like an inquisitive sparrow's. Adam's grip slackened and he gave a rueful sigh. 'We appear to have an audience,' he said, stepping back a pace. 'Ready to go back to the fair, Nik?' Kathleen bent to pick up the picnic basket, her hair falling over the telltale colour in her cheeks, her body still tingling from his touch.

Adam Deerfield was nothing to her, she told herself sternly, yet knowing that had he kissed her, her lips would have met his eagerly and without fear. To Adam she was just an inexperienced kid, and she'd better remember that, she thought in fierce determination ... or she'd end up being hurt. So for the next couple of hours as they watched the sack races and the tug-of-war, she tried to maintain a facade of coolness, but, to her chagrin, Adam did' not appear to notice any difference in her behaviour. They moved to the riverbank to see the bathtub race, and it was then that the first grumble of thunder sounded in the sky. Apprehensively Kathleen's eyes flickered upwards. Massed purple clouds had obscured the sun and tinted the ruffled water of the river a sullen grey; fat raindrops began to splash on to its surface. Adam grabbed her sleeve. 'We'd better run for the car or we're going to get soaked.' He hitched Nikki on his back and started up the hill at a fast pace, Kathleen running to keep up with them. As they rounded the last booth, its canvas flapping in the wind, a man running head down from the other direction careened into Kathleen, almost overbalancing her. She grabbed at the guide wire for support. 'Sorry, ladywhy, it's Kathleen Cameron, isn't it? From Sevenoaks?' Pushing her hair back from her face, she recognised Ben, the stationmaster; she could only nod, for he had knocked the breath out of her lungs. 'Kate, are you okay?'

'And Mr Deerfield too,' Ben added, his little eyes shrewdly assessing the anxiety in Adam's tone, the girl's quick smile of reassurance. 'How nice ... just like a family, the three of you.' There was an indefinable leer in his voice that brought a flush of discomfort to Kathleen's cheeks; she had been aware more than once that to a stranger they must look like a family of father, mother and child ... and she had found it a pleasing conceit. But somehow Ben's words had tarnished her innocent image, tingeing it with shame. Blandly Ben went on, 'Perhaps there'll be a wedding again at Sevenoaks, will there? We'll have to hope for a happier ending this time, won't we?' 'That's enough, Ben,' Adam said sharply. 'Kathleen's been like a sister to me for years and well you know it. Say what you like about mebut I don't want her name dragged into the local gossip. Do you hear?' Not a whit discomfited, Ben chided softly, 'Come now, Mr Adam, you're exaggerating. We'd just like to see you settled and happier than you were before you ... er ... left.' He clucked his tongue, pursing his prim little mouth. 'That was a sad business now, and Miss Leslie so young ... but I mustn't get going on that, not with her own daughter here.' He raised his greasy cap at Kathleen in a parody of courtesy. 'I apologise again for nearly knocking you down. Goodday.' Kathleen glanced at Adam, noticing how his brown eyes were stormy with repressed anger as he watched Ben's plump figure jog up the slope. 'He's a troublemaker if ever I saw one!' he exclaimed. 'Besides being the worst gossip in ten counties.'

A rain squall dashed droplets of water in Kathleen's unprotected face, plastering her shirt against her body. She said in a small voice, 'Adam, we're all getting wet.' His head swung around. 'What's that?' he snapped, his mind obviously elsewhere. 'I said I'm getting wet,' she repeated meekly, a cleansing humour twinkling in her eyes. To her delight his anger was replaced by an answering laughter as he glanced up at a sky now shooting bullets of rain with ever increasing frequency. 'To hell with Ben!' he said violently, pulling her towards him in a rough embrace that crushed her against his chest; through the wet material of her blouse she could feel the heavy thud of his heart. Instinctively her arms encircled his neck as his mouth sought hers in a kiss that demanded a totally adult response. Deep within her, desire stirred, a pang of mingled pain and pleasure. When he finally released her, her eyes were like twin sapphires, fire trembling in their depths. The wind whipped a raven black strand of hair about her neck as her lips, softened by his kiss, quivered in unconscious and bewitching invitation. 'Three hundred years ago they'd have burned you at the stake for looking as you do now,' he said huskily. He pushed back his hair, plastered to his forehead by the rain, and to her secret wonderment she saw that his fingers were unsteady. For the first time in her life she had an inkling of the power of her femininity ... it was both humbling and exhilarating. 'If we stand here much longer, we'll all be down with pneumonia,' he added, a thread of genuine amusement in his voice.

'And how would you explain that to Sondra?' she teased. 'That's easythe old biblical excuse, of course, that the woman tempted me ...' He grinned down at his daughter, who had sensibly taken shelter under the flapping canvas. 'Race you to the car,' he said, his eyes flicking a challenge at Kathleen. Her need for some kind of violent action was as strong as his. She whirled and began to run up the hill, her sneakers slipping on the wet grass. But in spite of her early start, and in spite of Nikki, whom Adam had swung into his arms, he overtook her easily less than half way up the hill, his long legs eating up the distance to the car. When she finally arrived, Nikki was already inside and Adam was holding the door open for her. 'I thought you were never coming,' he remarked, his eyes alight with devilment. She collapsed against the car, her bosom heaving as she fought for breath. 'You might have beaten me today, Adam Deerfield,' she finally gasped, 'but you wait until tomorrow's racethat'll be a different story!'

The cross-country event was, apart from the fireworks and the closing dance, the grand finale of the fair, and consequently a large crowd was gathered at the starting post. Kathleen made a lastminute check of the girth and swung up into the saddle, adjusting her stirrups as she did so. She had spent the best part of the morning grooming Sandy, braiding his thick mane with scarlet ribbons and brushing his cream-coloured coat until it gleamed like satin. She herself was dressed in skin-tight doeskin jodhpurs and knee- length leather boots, her huntsman's jacket curving to her waist, its white stock fastened with a gold pin. Her hair was tucked

under a black velvet riding cap in a severe style that delineated the purity of her profile and the dark wings of her brows. As she mounted, Sandy pirouetted nervously, his ears pricked as he caught the crowd's excitement. She gathered up the reins. 'Easy, boy, easy,' she murmured, conscious of more than a tremor of fear herself. 'Still think you're going to win?' It was Adam on Oberon, the stallion's chestnut flanks already sleek with sweat. Adam sat easily in the saddle, controlling his restless horse without noticeable effort, his breeches taut over his powerful thighs, the breadth of his shoulders emphasised by an immaculately tailored jacket. Oddly breathless, Kathleen said with a confidence she was far from feeling, 'Of course I am.' 'We'll see about that!' He raised a hand in salute and cantered off towards the starting line. There were five other entrants, all local riders well known to Kathleen; she knew from other years that none of them posed her a serious threat. But Adam on Oberon was another matter ... as she waited for the starter's flag, she bit her lip, her chin firm with the determination to win this race, to show Adam she was no longer a mere child but a woman who was, at least in this, his equal. A hush fell over the crowd. Sandy pawed the ground with one hoof, eagerly awaiting his rider's signal. The flag fell. Kathleen dug in her heels, and like a bullet from a gun, Sandy leaped forward. As they pounded across the turf towards the first jump, she was content to remain near the rear of the press of

horses, knowing that the chance to take the lead would come soon enough. She settled in the saddle, her nervousness gone, her whole being concentrated on Sandy's lightning-swift reflexes and on her own carefully thought out strategy. As effortlessly as a bird he took the first fence, overtaking the big black gelding from a neighbouring farm. The course wheeled to the right through a stand of maples, then led to a cleverly set up water jump. Kathleen steadied the palomino, feeling the bunch of his muscles as he soared over the brush barrier and - the sheet of open water. He landed smoothly and she patted his neck, shouting into his turned back ear, 'Good boy!' From their left Oberon drew level with them. Adam's white teeth gleamed in his tanned face as he yelled, 'Can't you go any faster?' She grinned at him, far too canny to be tricked into too much speed this early in the race. Side by side they slithered down a grass-covered bank and jumped an old stone wall, passing the three other riders as they did so. Only Dave Petrie was ahead, and from past experience she knew his mare would falter on the triple jumps by the wheatfield. This was exactly what happened, so that she and Adam were alone in the lead with some of the toughest jumps in the course ahead of them. They galloped across a close-cropped hay field, Oberon pulling slightly ahead; Sandy tossed his head, chafing at the bit, but still she restrained him, her hands firm and sure on the reins. They wheeled through an orchard and pounded up a sharp slope; she slowed the palomino, preparing him for the gate placed at an awkward angle at the crest of the hill. Oberon hesitated momentarily at the sight of the unexpected jump and in a powerful burst of speed Sandy took the jumpand the lead.

They raced along the cart track that bordered the fields, but all too soon the thud of Oberon's hooves came from behind. In a flood of indescribable exhilaration' Kathleen lost every vestige of caution; she flashed Adam a fierce little smile, dug her heels into Sandy's sides and careered down the hill towards the ford. In three swift strides Sandy crossed the river, his hooves flinging water high in the air. He scrambled up the bank, stumbling on a tuft of grass so that Kathleen lurched in the saddle. Although she recovered her balance almost instantly, it was the chance Adam had been waiting for to overtake her. The final stretch was in sight and still Sandy had strength and wind to spare, as side by side the two horses drummed across the field. Because the course was laid out in a wide circle, they were approaching the starting point, and spectators began to line the edge of the track. 'Come on, Kate!' Adam yelled. 'Let's give them a finish they'll never forget!' Laughter bubbled in her throat. There were only two more jumps, she knewa triple barred fence and another water jump. As she and Adam cleared the fence almost in unison, she was dimly aware of upturned faces, of shouts from the watching crowd. The track narrowed and her boot brushed his. 'Faster, Sandy!' she cried. He lunged forward, clearing the water hazard with a foot to spare. Straight ahead lay the finish line. Bending low in the saddle, using every scrap of her skill and strength, she urged Sandy onward, and he responded with a valiant burst of speed, pulling fractionally ahead of Oberon. Adam, who appeared to have lost any sense of dignity, gave a wild cowboy whoop, flinging his hat high in the air. Inch by inch

Oberon regained the lost ground. Thirty yards, twenty, ten ... neck and neck they swept across the finishing line. It was a dead heat. With some difficulty Kathleen reined Sandy in, although he still insisted on jogging, his neck arched and ears flickering, as they turned back to the finish line. Adam trotted up beside her, the sun glinting on his thick blond hair; he looked young, carefree, and, she thought in wonderment, happy. And as vivid and blinding as the sun, there burst upon her the sure knowledge that she loved thus man, loved him with every particle of her being. Unthinkingly her hands slackened on the reins, so that Sandy bucked skittishly. Her mind anywhere but on the horse, she almost overbalanced, grabbing at the smooth pommel of the saddle for support. 'Don't disgrace yourself by falling off now!' Adam chuckled. 'What's wrong? You look as though you've just seen a ghost.' She tried to gather her scattered wits. Love, she thought confusedlywhat does it mean? That he only has to look at me and the bones melt in my body? That a passing smile from him, a casual gesture, sets my heart singing? That I want him as I've never wanted a man before? That, body and soul, I am his? 'Kate, are you sure you're okay?' She blinked and gave herself a deliberate shake, with an immense effort bringing herself back to reality ... to the crowd of delighted spectators who had not seen such a race in years, to the judge patiently waiting with the silver cup, to the wayward breeze cooling her warm cheeks. 'Sure, I'm fine.'

After the presentation she and Adam held the trophy between them as the local reporters took photographs, and then together they left the ring. By the time she got home, she was badly in need of some privacy, so she made herself a cup of tea and a sandwich and went to her room, knowing she had an hour or so to get ready for the dinner and dance. When she emerged, she was a very different Kathleen from the dusty, heat-flushed girl in the severe hairdo and mantailored clothes. Her hair was now piled, loosely on the crown of her head, soft tendrils curling about her artfully made up face. Her dress was white, baring the honey-gold of her .shoulders and back, hugging her tiny waist; a single strand of pearls encircled her throat and pearl droplets dangled from her ears. While she was dressing, she had resolutely refused to think about Adam and her feelings for him; now, as she began to descend the staircase, she found herself oddly nervous at the thought of seeing him again, wondering if her new-found conviction of love could have been a mirage, a false vision engendered by the exhilaration of the race. She had the answer all too soon. The front door opened and Adam walked into the hall. Almost immediately he saw her poised at the head of the stairs, as slim and beautiful and remote as an angel in her long white dress. As he stared up at her, her heart flew out to him in joyous welcome, although outwardly she gave no sign save a small, grave smile. Yes, she thought soberly, she had her answer ... she loved Adam, and desired his happiness more than her own. Steadily she went down the stairs towards him, guiding herself with one hand on the balustrade, her eyes trained on his face.

Something of her mood must have communicated itself to him. As she reached the bottom step, he came forward and tucked her hand into his arm, his fingers lingering on hers. 'You look very beautiful,' he said quietly. With old-fashioned grace she dipped him a low curtsey. 'Thank you, kind sir.' A gamine smile broke through, and greatly daring, she reached up and kissed him oh the cheek. 'I'm glad I'm going to the dance with you tonight,' she said simply. 'I'm glad you are too.' Lightly his lips brushed hers, brushed and held and deepened into a tender, searching kiss. Frightened that by the intensity of her response, she would reveal the secret of her love, she pulled away, her breathing rapid and shallow, her eyes purple in the dusk. 'Shall we go?' The community hall was already crowded when they arrived, and dinner was served shortly .afterwards; they shared a table with Colin and his date, a pretty redhead from the mainland. For Kathleen it was long to be remembered as an evening of pure enchantment, epitomising all the fairy stories she had ever read ... she was Cinderella to Adam's Prince Charming. She jived and polkaed and waltzed the night away, abandoning herself completely to the pleasure of Adam's company. As for him, he had apparently pushed aside all his usual worries and cares, and she rediscovered in him a flashing wit and a gift for mimicry that kept her in stitches the whole evening. Yet, when the last waltz came, he held her with all the tenderness she could have wished, his cheek resting against her hair, his big hand firm and strong on her waist. As they swayed to the music, Kathleen shut her eyes, wishing that by some stroke of magic she could make time stand still, so that Adam's arms would remain around her for ever, and she need never face the reality of life without him ... but inevitably the music ended and the goodbyes were said.

The lights from the hall cast a yellow glow on the ranks of parked cars as they headed for their own; carefully Kathleen picked her way across the damp grass, holding up her long skirts with one hand, the other tucked into Adam's jacketed sleeve; a light drizzle was falling. 'Well, if it isn't little Kathieand my dear brother,' a slurred voice said from the darkness. She looked up. Lee was leaning against a red truck, a beer bottle in his hand; two of his cronies; big burly farm labourers, laughed sycophantically. Making an effort to speak pleasantly, and aware of Adam's arm tensing under her fingers, Kathleen said, 'Hello, Lee.' 'Aren't you going to speak to me, Adam?' Lee queried drunkenly. 'Surely it's a good time for your sermon on the perils of alcohol?' He waved the beer bottle in his brother's face, so that a little of the liquid splashed on Adam's tuxedo. 'You're old enough to know what you're doing,' Adam said shortly. 'Come on, Kate.' 'Yes, Kate,' Lee. repeated offensively, 'remove yourself from my contaminating presence. Although, Kathie dear, I wouldn't say you're very fussy about the company you keep. There are some very peculiar rumours going around about Adam's late lamented wife, you. know- -' 'And you're the one who's spreading them!' Adam rapped. 'Watch your tongue, Lee, it'll get you in trouble one of these days.' 'You wouldn't be threatening me, would you, Adam?' Lee lurched closer, and the two other men straightened. A shiver of fear raced along Kathleen's spine, for the parking lot was now almost deserted.

'Of course he's not!' she said sharply. 'And now we're going home.' Firmly she pulled Adam away, an echo of Lee's derisive laughter following them. 'Discretion the better part of valour, eh, Kate?' said Adam, his voice clipped with anger. 'You're probably right, I'd have been no match for the three of them.' 'It's ridiculous that Lee should behave like that! I don't understand it.' She wished that the ugly little scene had never occurred, for it had taken the shine from her perfect evening, somehow sullying it. 'I hope you never will,' was Adam's terse reply. 'Here we are.' He helped her into the car, and as they drove down the lane, deliberately changed the subject to prevent any further discussion. 'You must be tired, Kate,' he said, taking her hand in his. 'You danced nearly every dance. Good heavens, but you're a cruel woman!' His voice was gently mocking. She leaned her head against his shoulder and murmured, 'Why do you say that?' 'You'd think you'd have taken pity on a man my age, but noyou forced me to dance until I nearly dropped!' Kate giggled. 'Ha! So you say! You were the best dancer there. Dropped nothingyou enjoyed it and you know it. Don't give me your sad stories.' He laughed openly now. 'Well, yes, the second part's the truth anywayI did enjoy it. In fact, it's .been a long time since I've enjoyed anything so much. I felt young again.' A note of sadness tinged his voice but was gone when he spoke again. 'I thank you, Kate ... for a very happy evening.' He squeezed her hand.

The gentle rhythm of the rain on the roof of the ranch wagon mingled with the back-and-forth motion of the windshield wipers to soothe and relax her. The excitement of the evening melted gently into an almost total physical and emotional comfort so that she snuggled closer to Adam. He seemed to welcome her closenesshis strong, firm hand still held hers. She was very happyhappy to be with Adam and happy that he was obviously so contented being with her. She drifted into a light sleep, nestled against his arm. Just before they turned into the long driveway to Sevenoaks, Kathleen awakened, slowly, as would a cat who had enjoyed its sleeping moments before the fire, and stretched lazily. 'We're nearly home, Kate.' 'Umm ... it's raining a lot harder now, isn't it?' 'Yes, it looks like it's going to. be thick for the next few days.' A flash of lightning, jagged and brilliant, cut across the sky. Kathleen stiffened. 'You're not still frightened of lightning?' 'No, of course not. It startled me, that's all.' Adam drove up to the front entrance, reached through the steering wheel with his left hand, and turned off the ignition. Kathleen's hand was still cradled in his as he turned to her. 'You know you can't lie to me, Kate. I always know when you try to hide the truth.' He touched her face with his hand, softly tracing its finely moulded curves. 'You're so beautiful ... so very beautiful

...' Suddenly he let go of her hand and moved to open his door. 'Come on, my woman-childlet's get you indoors.' 'You don't have to see me to the door, Adam, you'll only get wet.' But he was already out of the car. They ran up to the house hand in hand, laughing as the water splashed around their ankles. Stopping at the top of the steps, oblivious to the rain which pounded down on the grey flagstone, they stood looking intently at one another. Adam cleared his throat and began to speak, his voice husky. 'Kate, I ...' The massive oak door swung open and Lee's leering face loomed in the darkness, preventing Adam from finishing what he was going to say. 'Well, well ... the return of my dear brother Adam and little sister Kathie. And you two do look so happy together. How gallant of you to see our little "sister" home, Adam.' His voice filled with sarcasm, Lee stood swaying in the doorway, his eyes bloodshot and his breath heavy with the smell of liquor. He reached out and gripped Kathleen's arm. 'You'd better get in here, now, and you, Adam, had better go back to the cottage. I think everyone's seen just about enough of you for one day.' He yanked roughly on Kathleen's arm, pulling her off balance; she would have fallen but for Adam's steadying hand. 'Let go of me, Lee. You're hurting my arm!' Her voice was an unsteady whisper, for she feared to precipitate another confrontation between these two men. 'Oh yes, you're such a sweet innocent, Kathleen ... "You're hurting me",' he mimicked her, his face made ugly by hatred. 'I only hope after tonight Colin Draper believes that you still retain your sweet

innocence. Now get upstairs!' He pulled her roughly through the doorway. Adam's face, tight and pale, bespoke the anger he struggled to contain. 'Don't you ever touch her like that again, Lee! So help me, I'll kill you if...' 'That makes a lot of sense doesn't it, Adam? You've had practice in that areaYou've killed before, haven't you?' Uttering an angry oath, Adam grabbed him by the front of his already crumpled shirt and pushed him into the hallway, kicking the door closed behind them. 'I don't want to fight with you, Lee, not here and not now, but by God, you'd better not say another word. You're drunk, so go to bed and leave us alone.' Lee jerked free of Adam's grip. 'Why not here and now, Adam? Yes indeed, why not?' His voice dripped venom. 'Doesn't she know about it, Adam?' Adam backed away, but Lee continued, 'Is that what's worrying you, the fact that our naive little Kathleen thinks you're such a fine heroic manwhen really you're nothing but a murderer!' Adam flinched. He stood before them, accused, condemned, and hated by his own brother, but would not utter a single word in his own defence. Lee saw the effect of his words and moved to push his advantage. 'Did you know that, Kathleen? Did you know what this man did to his own wife? He killed Leslie. The law called it suicide. I, and many others, call it murderbecause he drove her to it. God knows how he can live with what he's done ... I can't.'

Realising the immunity granted to him by the impact of his words, he moved threateningly towards Adam. 'Now get out of my house! I hate the very sight of you!' Finally Kathleen found her voice. 'Tell him, Adam; tell him, he's wrong. Tell him ...' Her voice rose to a terrified' pitch. 'It's not true! Don't just stand there and take this. Deny it, why don't you?' Adam could see the wild fear written on her taut face, fear blazing deep within her dark eyes. He made no move towards her, but held himself in check, as if braced for a final fatal blow. When he did speak his voice was toneless and he closed his eyes, as if to block the effect of the words to come 'I can't deny it, Kate. I wish to God I could, but I can't ... because everything he says is true.'

CHAPTER EIGHT THE next days passed as a lonely blur for Kathleen. She avoided any contact with Adam, making sure that she was away from the main house early each morning. She rode alone on the mountain trails and sat long hours by the Mill pond. She seemed to have no control over her emotions and tears flowed often as she fought a lonely battle with conflicting feelings. From her conversation with John she knew that Adam had not loved Leslie, but had he driven her to suicide? How could that be possible? She had known him all her life and was certain that he would never harm anyone, not intentionally. But still, devastated by the fact that he obviously believed he had driven Leslie to suicide, she was totally unable to face him. Late one afternoon, Kathleen rode along the mountain trail which followed the river on its way down to the valley. She became aware of the stillness around her: there was no sound, no movement. She stopped Sandy, dismounted, and knelt by the stream for a drink, her reflection shimmering in the glassy surface. For a moment she was startled by her image but continued to stare into eyes which were her own and said to the mirrored face in the water, 'No ... no ... no ... he couldn't have ... I'll never believe it. I love you, Adam Deerfield, I love you.' It was dusk when she finally rode across the field to the barn. When she entered the cool darkness of the stables a tall figure was leaning against Sandy's stall. 'Adam ... I didn't expect to see you here ... I ...' Her heart was pounding at the sight of him. 'I know you didn't,' he remarked dryly. 'You've been avoiding me for days now. Here, let me help you.' He walked over to her, took

the reins and led Sandy into the stall. He moved slowly, looking as if there was something he wanted to say but was searching for the right words. Kathleen watched him remove Sandy's .saddle and bridle, acutely aware of his muscular back and his strong tanned arms as he began to rub the horse down. He looked over at her as he worked. 'What's going on in that head of yours, Kate? Where are we now?' He spoke with such, gentleness that she felt her throat constrict so that words would not come and she turned to leave. But his voice, deep and resonant, stayed her. 'Don't run from it, Kate. You can't avoid it.' She turned back, but still could not look directly into his eyes. A trickle of perspiration ran between her shoulders. 'Do you hate me, Kate ... now that you know?' A simple question spoken quietly, and yet she could hear in its tone the amount of feeling that lay beneath the surface. Her voice was unsteady when she answered him. 'I'll never hate you, Adam, never. And I'll never believe that you were responsible for Leslie's death.' She could feel the rhythm of his breathing in the silence. He expelled a deep sigh as he came to stand before her and he lifted her face to his. 'God knows, Kate, I wish it weren't truebut it is. I saw the note she left behind that night. Lee showed it to me the morning of her funeral.' He closed his eyes and shook his head. 'I didn't love her, but I'd never have harmed her. I'd have given her her freedom if she'd wantedif she'd only asked. I just didn't know what it was like for her.' Tears flooded Kathleen's eyes and with a muffled exclamation he gathered her into his arms, tenderly stroking her hair. His touch

was infinitely soothing. 'No, Adam, I'll never believe it. You could never have done anything like that.' 'Ah, Kate, what more can I say? You may as well accept it, because it's true. I've had to live with it for four years, the longest four years of my life. All I can do is try to put it behind me and go on from here. I have to if I'm going to make any kind of life for myself and Nikki. I have to try.' There was a resigned sadness in his voice as he released her. 'Come on, I'll walk you home.' He took her hand in his and they walked together in the dusk towards the main house. 'I want to stay, Kate, and it looks as if I'm going to have to fight Lee every inch of the way. I wish things were different ... but that's the way it is.' They stopped at the terrace. 'Will you come in for something to eat?' she asked. He shook his head, not taking his eyes from her. 'No, thanks, not tonight. Nikki's waiting for me. I told her an hour ago that I'd only be a few minutes.' He smiled. 'But you were later than I expected.' He turned to leave but stopped at the bottom of the terrace steps. 'Oh, by the way, I have one hell of a lot of work to do tomorrow and Nikki's a little lonely waiting around for me all day. Could you do me a favour and maybe take her under your wing for a while? I'd really appreciate it.' 'No problem, I'd love to. I'm driving into Deerfield in the morning on an errand for John, so I'll take Nikki with me. Perhaps we'll make a day of it.' 'Thanks, Kate. See you tomorrow.' With this he was gone, a lone figure disappearing into the darkness. But the warm glow that the sight and touch of this man created in her did not melt away and she hugged it to her. She stood staring after him, long after he had

vanished, until a light flickered on in the cottage. 'I do love you,' she whispered to the night and to the lonely man by the river. The next day Kathleen and Nikki drove in the truck to Deerfield. Nikki loved the ride, sitting up in the cab of the truck like a little princess. Kathleen finished the errand that she had to do for John and took Nikki on a shopping spree; a new dress, a pair of jeans and a T-shirt later, and they were ready for lunch. 'How about a hamburger, Nik?' The little girl, holding tightly to Kathleen's hand, smiled and nodded vigorously so they walked into the coffee shop and sat down together in a booth. Maggie, the waitress who had worked there for years, ambled over to them. 'Morning, Kathleen. How are you today?' 'Just fine, thank you, Maggie.' Maggie stood, pen poised to take the order, her eyes riveted on the child sitting opposite Kathleen. 'What'll it be?' 'Oh, let's see.... a couple of hamburgers and two glasses of milk, and some of that delicious apple pieeh, Nik?' Maggie took the order and disappeared into the kitchen. Kathleen sat quietly with Nikki while they waited. Kathleen was pleased that the child seemed so relaxed and comfortable with her, for they had become good friends in the weeks following Adam's homecoming. Maggie brought their food and with a curt, 'Enjoy your, lunch, folks,' walked to another booth to take someone else's order. From the flurry of furtive whispers, Kathleen was able to discern that she and Nikki were the topic of the conversation. 'So that's Adam Deerfield's kid, eh? Never says a word, I'm told not a word since she saw what he did to her ma.' The enjoyment

that Kathleen was experiencing with Nikki disappeared in a momentbur fortunately the child was much too engrossed in her lunch to be paying any attention. 'Damn shame that he was allowed to keep the kid, I say. They should have taken her from him before he did her more harm.' Kathleen's food was tasteless, an indigestible lump in the pit of her stomach. The whispering continued. 'I hear he's planning to stay. There'll be trouble over that, mark my words. Decent folk don't want his kind around here, as he'll find out soon enough. Old Ben down at the train station said Deerfield just came back one afternoon, bold as brass, acting like nothing had happened, acting just like he still belonged here.' He'll get the message, soon enough, I guess Why, even his own brother don't want him back.' Kathleen closed her eyes, trying to pinch back the salty sting of threatening tears. Fury welled in her, but she fought to control it. For Nikki's sake she would not make a scene. 'Ready, Nik? How would you like to go to a movie in Bad- deck this afternoon? It's only a half hour drive from here.' Although her voice was strained and seemed a pitch higher than usual, she managed to thank Maggie and leave without incident. It was suppertime when they arrived back at Sevenoaks and went down to the cottage, to wait for Adam. Shortly afterwards, they saw him walking slowly across the field and Nikki ran excitedly to meet him. His strong arms encircled her as he lifted her effortlessly, holding her close. 'Hi, sweetheart. How's my Nikki? Did you have a good day?' She nodded and he put .her down beside him. They walked towards the cottage where Kathleen was waiting for them on the front step.

Kathleen watched him closely. He was obviously tired, for his limp was markedly noticeable and his face dirt- streaked and sweaty. 'Hi, Kate.' Wiping the perspiration from his forehead, he eased himself down to the step beside her, leaning back and resting his body against the veranda railing. He closed his eyes and let a tired sigh escape. 'Thanks for keeping Nikki company today, I appreciate it. That's the hardest part of her not having a mother, I'm just not enough.' 'You don't have to thank me, Adam, you know that I like to be with Nikki. She's a beautiful Child. She loves you so much. You're more than enough for her.' She looked at Adam, but his eyes remained closed. He rubbed his leg slowly and methodically, the tightness of his lips revealing how much it was bothering him. He spoke again, slowly as if in a semi-dream. 'No, I'm not enough, and I worry about that a lot. I worry when I have to be gone from her for hours on end and she doesn't have a woman to be with ... a mother,' They fell silent. Then from the main house came the thud of approaching hoovesLee on Oberon. He pulled the stallion to a halt by the veranda. 'Adam, I told you to report to me when you finished with the horses. Why in hell didn't you?' Adam rose slowly to his feet. 'It was well past quitting time, Lee, and you weren't around. I was worried about Nikki, so I came home. I was going to check with you later.' 'Well, it's not well past quitting time, not until I say so. Get your gear and get up to the barn. I want the bales hauled from the field below the orchard and I want them hauled now!'

Adam sighed, as if trying to maintain his patience with an exasperating child. 'Lee, it's late and I'm tired. I haven't stopped all day, I didn't even take lunch. The bales can get hauled tomorrow.' Kathleen was on her feet now. 'Lee, be reasonable. It's going to be fine tomorrow and there's no hurry.' Lee cut her off. 'Stay out of this, Kathleen. This is between Adam and me.' He moved the horse threateningly close, the dislike for his brother again evident on his face. The words he uttered were grinding and harsh. 'You come back here after four years and you expect it to be just the way you left it, with the big Adam Deerfield doing just what he wants when he wants. Well, it's not so, Adam. It's just not so.' He shifted his weight and pointed an accusing finger. 'Now get your stuff and get up to the barn and do what I say, or you can pack what little you've got and you and that kid of yours can get out of here ... this time for good.' Adam stood frozen, the muscles in his back tightening. His hands at his sides became fists as his eyes blazed anger. For a moment Kathleen thought he was going to reach out and drag Lee from his horse, but that moment passed when Adam turned towards the veranda, his face an unreadable mask. 'Very well, Lee. I'll do as you say,' he said quietly, almost inaudibly. 'I'll be there in a minute.' Lee turned and rode back to the main house. Kathleen grabbed at Adam's arm as he walked by her and up the steps. 'Don't be so foolish! You don't have to do what he says. What he's asking you to do is stupid ... it's just plain dumb, it's so unnecessary ...' She stopped, searching for words in her exasperation. 'It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!' Adam

wrenched his arm from her hand and went into the cottage. She was getting angry now, her voice demanding. 'Why are you going, that's what I'd like to know? Why do you jump every time he says jump? You're a man, your own man, you don't have to -' He turned to her sharply, angrily, his voice grating. 'Leave it, Kathleen. Just leave it alone.' He drank the glass of water he had poured, and moved tiredly towards the door. 'Will you watch out for Nikki for me until I get back?' He spoke quietly, and she could only guess how much all this was costing him. 'Yes,' she said grudgingly. 'Yes, I'll take care of her. Adam, I -' but she did not finish, for he walked out of the cottage, slamming the door behind him. Adam did not return until late that evening. It was nearly eleven o'clock when Kathleen finally heard the tractor approaching. The barn door slammed as she walked on to the front veranda to wait for him. It was a warm sultry evening, not a breath of wind stirring the trees, as if the earth lay with hushed breath, waiting ... but for what? It would rain in a few days, she was sure. Adam's dark figure moved slowly away from the barn and down the grassy slope towards the cottage, his shoulders bent with exhaustion. 'You didn't have to wait with Nikki, not once she was asleep.' 'That's all right. I really didn't feel comfortable leaving her. She was so upset after you and Lee left, it took nearly an hour to calm her. I was going to give her supper at the main house, but she seemed more relaxed here.'

Adam climbed the steps and went inside, the screen door banging behind him. A moth flicked back and forth, striking itself against the veranda light with a destructive futility. Although Kathleen felt the return of the awkwardness that earlier had marked their relationship she followed him inside. Adam was stretched out on the couch, his shirt flung open. He's almost too thin, thought Kathleen unhappily, sure that he had lost weight since his return to the farm. He lay there, an arm carelessly flung over his forehead, his breathing barely audible. Kathleen felt an inexplicable urge to go to him, touch him, hold him, and soothe away his tiredness, but he moved, his arm falling to his side. His gaze met hers and again she felt like an awkward child, subjected to the merciless scrutiny of dark, unfathomable eyes. 'I thought you'd gone home.' 'No ... I ... that is, I stayed to get you some supper.' 'Thanks, but no, thanks,' he sighed. 'I'm too tired to eat besides, Lee may be down here any minute asking me why I haven't bothered to unload the wagon.' He attempted a weak grin. 'But you must eat. You said yourself that you haven't eaten anything since breakfast and it'll only take a 'few minutes to fix something.' She moved with determination towards the kitchen, but his voice intercepted her. 'God, but you're wilful! Okay, I'll eat something, but first I need a shower. I'm filthy.' She turned quickly. 'Why don't we swim in the river pool? It's been ages since we've done that. Remember the fun we used to have?' She laughed, delighted with the happy memory. 'My, oh my, didn't Sondra get wild with us all when we'd sneak out to go swimming?

I'm surprised that she survived us really. Do let's go and have a swim!' He shook his head. 'I don't know. What about bathing suits?' 'Silly man, don't you remember? All the swimwear is in the wooden chest on the back veranda.' She grinned devilishly. 'Not that we used them much when we went swimming by ourselves.' He looked down at her. 'Now you're the silly one, you were ten years old then. You're twice that now. I think we'd better use the suits or Sondra will certainly not survive this one.' They both laughed and Kathleen felt happy to see a glimpse of a more relaxed Adam. 'Well, are you coming or not? It was your idea and yet you stand there dreaming.' He tossed a suit to her. 'You can change in my room, I'll meet you by the river pool.' They swam and played and laughed just as they had years ago as children. 'Heavens, you're noisy, Adam Deerfield! Sondra will hear us up at the main house and come down with that wooden spoon of hers.' They were treading water in the middle of the river. Kathleen leaned back and with all the strength and force she could manage she ran her open hand along the surface of the water, splashing Adam in the face. He coughed and sputtered, then disappeared beneath the surface. Her first thought was that he was joking with her, but long seconds passed and still he did not reappear. 'Adam? Please, where are you? Adam! Please don't tease me.' She turned around, searching for a glimpse of him. All around her was

the unbroken surface of the river pool, still and glasslike, inky black and suddenly very terrifying. 'Adam!' she screamed, terror choking the breath from her lungs. She thrashed wildly through the water, diving beneath the surface to search for him, but unable to see anything in the darkness. She was crying and on the edge of hysteria when a quiet voice called her name from the river bank. 'Kate . . , oh, Katie!' It was Adam. The sound of his teasing voice and uncontrollable laughter smothered her fright. Her temper flared as she swam to the side of the river, pulling herself out of the water and grabbing a towel. He lay on the bank, flat on his back and laughing heartily. 'Adam Deerfield, that was the rottenest thing! That was just plain stupid. I thought...' He was no longer laughing, but still laugh wrinkles showed at the corners of his eyes and he grinned widely. 'You thought what? That I'd drowned?' His voice deepened in gentle mocking. 'That I'd disappeared for ever into the murky depths of darkness ...' He was not taking her seriously; he did not understand the fear that had gripped her. Even now her heart pounded furiously and she fought for breath. 'Adam, that was horrible!' Tears glistened in her eyes and she felt a lump in her throat. Adam sat up, looking at her more closely now. 'Don't tell me you were really worried? Remember me? I'm the one who taught you to swim.'

She turned on him, her words sharp and cutting. 'Yes, I remember you, and I don't recall that you're immune to accidents. And yes, I was really worried. Is that so strange? Do you think that no one worries about you, that you don't matter?' Tears ran freely down her cheeks and she turned and stumbled away from him. His hand, firm and strong, arrested her departure. 'Wait, Kate. Please.' She tensed at his touch as he turned her round to face him. 'Kate, I ... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you, I just didn't think. It was a stupid thing to do, I admit it.' He stared at her in a curious way, his eyes straining as if to see through to the very heart of her. He raised his hand to gently wipe the tears from her cheeks and stood transfixed before her, his hand lingering, then moving slowly, tracing the shape of her face and the gentle curve of her neck. She trembled beneath his touch, unsure of the feelings he was unleashing within her. 'Are you frightened of me, Kate?' he asked softly. She did not answer but self-consciously looked down at her feet, bare in the cool damp grass. 'I asked you a question. I want to know if you are frightened of me.' 'No. It's just that I was frightened by what you did.' It wasn't exactly the truth. She was frightened fey the turmoil of emotions he was creating in her, by the fire that his touch was igniting in her body. His fingers gently continued to trace and probe the soft skin of her creamy throat and neck. In a single swift movement he drew her to him; his heart was beating against her face, as the powerful muscles in his arms tightened about her. She was consumed by the

desire to touch him and her arms encircled his waist. She felt the contraction of his stomach muscles and he moaned as he leaned down, his mouth covering hers, demanding and receiving a response. He drew her down to the soft cool earth where they lay entangled and controlled by the desire they shared. His hands caressed the soft smoothness of her young body, aroused in her a desire that she had never before known. He slipped the straps of the bathing suit from her shoulders, exposing to his view her small firm breasts. Drawing a deep breath, he pulled her fiercely to him, his desire no longer gentle. The weight of his body crushed her against the earth and she sobbed, frightened by the immensity of the emotion she had aroused in him. He groaned and rolled away from her. 'Dear God in heaven, what am I doing?' His voice was harsh and filled with self-derision. 'I'm sorry, Adam, T didn't mean to be frightened. I just didn't know -' 'You had every right to be frightened. What I nearly did was unforgivable.' He did not look at her. 'You'd better get dressed and go home. It's late and they'll be wondering where you are.' 'I don't want to go home. I want to stay with you.' 'You don't know what you're saying, Kate. I told you to get dressed. Now do it.' His voice had regained some of its coldness and because she sensed the barriers being erected again, she protested. 'Don't draw away from me, please, Adam. I'm not a child.' His laugh was harsh and the sound of it hurt her. 'You are a child, and that's more than obvious.' He sat up and glared at her. 'And it's just as obvious that if you're saying that it's me you want you have

no idea what's good for you. I would be no bargain, Kate.' He paused for a moment, then continued in a stony voice, 'I'm sorry I lost control. It's been a long time since I've had a woman. A basic elemental need, that's all it was. Now, for God's sake, go home!' She cringed as if he had slapped her, the hurt tearing at her heart. 'Oh, Adam ...' Sobbing, she ran from him past the cottage and up the hill to the main house. She ran until she thought her lungs would burst. Finally, alone in her room, she tore the bathing suit from her body with frantic hands. 'No ... No ... No!' she moaned. She had never known such shame and never before had she felt self-hate, but she experienced it now, for the first time. Thoughts whirled and clashed in her mind, and even the deluge of hot steaming water from the shower did nothing to assuage the guilt and shame she was feeling. She knew that she loved this man, this man who had for so many years been her brother. But the love she felt for him was not the love of a sister for a brother. More terrible was the fact that he cared nothing for her. What had happened tonight between them, or more precisely, what had nearly happened between them, was for him the result of a basic and natural desire. It had not mattered to him that it was she, Kathleen, whom he held in his armsany woman would have suited, he had said so himself. It was nearly dawn when Kathleen, her pillow soaked with bitter tears, finally fell into an exhausted sleep.

CHAPTER NINE IT was well past noon when Kathleen finally came downstairs. She dreaded having to see or talk to anyone but knew she had to put in an appearance sooner or later. Listlessly, she walked into the kitchen and was greeted by Mrs Hicks, who immediately saw her flushed and swollen face. Still, at first she spoke noncommittally. 'Goodness, Kathleen, you really must have been tired! I can't remember when you've slept this long, but Sondra left orders not to disturb you, so I let you sleep,' clucked Mrs Hicks as she moved about the kitchen, preparing the noon meal. 'Are you feeling all right, my dear? You do look a bit off colour, if you don't mind my saying so.' Mrs Hicks had lived and worked at Sevenoaks for nearly thirty years and Kathleen knew that she would say what she felt whether anyone minded or not. She was outrageously outspoken, but this served only to endear her to Kathleen, who knew she could always expect the truth from her. Kathleen knew, too, that she could not easily disguise or hide her feelings from the housekeeper, so she quickly poured herself a glass of juice, intending to escape the closer scrutiny which she knew would be forthcoming. She had reached the door to the terrace when Mrs Hicks' penetrating voice halted her. 'Adam's been here twice this morning, asking after you, Kathleen. He seems to be pretty worked up and concerned about something. Maybe you should walk down to the cottage and check it out.' She did not turn to look at her, but Kathleen felt her listening keenly for a response. 'I'll see him later, perhaps,' Kathleen answered as calmly as she could. 'I'm going to be busy this afternoonColin and I are planning -'

Mrs Hicks released an impatient sigh. 'Listen, child, I'm not a blind fool. Don't give me that "Colin and I stuff." I can see the lie of the land and I know what's happening between you and Adam.' She walked slowly over to Kathleen, wiping her flour-covered hands on a towel; her eyes unfalteringly steady, she said, 'If you could see your own face, Kathleen, you'd know that it's obvious. So why do you fight it? Go to him and talk it out.' Kathleen shook her head. 'No, Mrs Hicks, he already knows how I feel... and he ... he doesn't want me or need me. I just have to face it, that's all.' Tears stung her eyes, but she fought them back. 'Ah, child, and I thought you were such a bright girl. What does it take to make you see what's written all over his face every single time he looks at you, or for that matter, each time he tries to avoid you? I say you should go to him,' she chuckled, 'and put him out of his misery, girl.' 'You're wrong, Mrs Hicks. You're wrong about him. He doesn't need anyone. He ... oh, what's the use of our talking about it?' Kathleen sighed, opened the door to the terrace, and walked out into the glaring sunshine, struck by the oppressive heat and the bright light. Putting up a hand to shade her eyes, she saw Colin's car coming up the driveway. Slowly sipping the juice, she at first thought of avoiding him, but the alternative of facing Mrs Hicks again did not appeal to her, so she donned sunglasses and ambled along the gravelled path through the garden to greet him. Colin appeared to be deep in thought as he parked the car and walked slowly towards the house, but his solemn face brightened as he saw Kathleen's approach. He reached out, took her hands in his, and kissed her gently. 'Hello, Kathleen. I've missed you. How've you been?'

'Just fine, Colin,' she said, glad that the sunglasses hid her eyes. 'What brings you all the way out here at this hour of the day and this time of the week? This is the day you're usually so busy with your duties as town solicitor, isn't it?' 'Well, in answer to your second questionyes, it is my busy day; but, in answer to question number one, how could I ever pass up an opportunity to see you, Kathleen?' He regarded her seriously. 'Well, if that's an answer to any of the questions I asked, Colin Draper, who am I to argue?' He laughed. 'I'm sorry, Kathleen. Let me explain. I'm doing some work for John and there are some papers that he must sign. He's been quite anxious to bring this particular piece of business to a conclusion and, since a few of the documents are ready for his signature today ... here I am.' He moved closer to her. 'But the truth is, Kathleen, I did hope to see you. I thought perhaps ... well, maybe we could go for a drive this evening and have dinner together somewhere, and perhaps we could talk about uswhat do you say?' Shaking her head, she drew away from him, pleading, 'Oh, Colin, please! Why do you make it so difficult?' He responded impatiently, 'Make what difficult, Kathleen? Tell me what's difficult about my invitation?' 'Colin, I just don't feel about you the way that you want me to. I think it would be unfair of me to go out with you, knowing that what you want from me, I just can't give you.' 'I told you before, Kathleen, I'm willing to wait. Give it time. Love needs time to grow.'

'Colin, we've talked about this before, but my feelings just haven't changed ... and they won't. Can't you accept that? You're a fine man and you've been a good friend, always, but I don't love you. I'm sorry.' She turned to go, but Colin, his voice filled with bitterness, interrupted her retreat. 'He's no good for you, Kathleen, he's no good for any woman.' He raised a hand to stay the protest forming on her lips. 'Listen to me, Kathleen, I know what I'm saying. I know that he cares only for this damn land ... nothing else and no one else. For God's sake, don't let him hurt you, not like he hurt Leslie. Please listen to me.' Kathleen had heard enough. She turned decisively and walked away from him, across the lawn to the stables. So involved was she in the turmoil and pain of her thoughts - that she did not see the tall figure silhouetted in the doorway. 'Kate, are you all right?' She whirled around. 'Leave me alone, Adam! We have nothing more to say to one another. You said it all last night.' She leaned her head against Sandy's warm neck, tears filling her voice. 'Go away, just go away.' 'No, Kate, I'm not going away. There are some things we need to talk about. Could we go somewhere, just the two of us, and really talk?' She frantically pressed her hands to her face. 'No! I don't want to go anywhere with you. What I want is for you to leave me alone. Don't you understand that? Before you came back, I was happy. Now -' Not bothering to saddle Sandy, she swung up on to his back and pushed past Adam out of the stables. She was only aware of her desire to escapeall she wanted now was a little peace.

Eventually, she found herself in the field overlooking the old Grist Mill. Wearied by the ride, she dismounted and sat down in the grass, leaning her chin on her knees. The sound of hooves pounding over the soft turf of the field told her that Adam had followed. Intending to avoid another encounter with him, she jumped to her feet and walked over to Sandy, but a glance over her shoulder halted her. She ached at the very sight of him, his windblown hair and the look of quiet desperation in his eyes ... he looked so tired. He did not dismount, but leaned forward in the saddle. 'Kate, don't run away again, please.' A small grin played at the corners of his mouth. 'I just don't have the energy to chase all over the countryside after you, but I will if I have to. Can we talk now?' She turned her back on him, staring stonily at the reflection of the Mill in the pond and two ducks floating lazily on the water. She fought to quell the feelings rising in her, thinking desperately that she must not, ever again, betray herself to him. He dismounted and walked over to her. Sighing heavily, he muttered, 'Kate, speak to me, please. Don't just stand there. I can't know what you're thinking or feeling unless you tell me.' She felt his fingers touch the back of her head, lightly lifting and caressing her dark hair. Closing her eyes, she fought the conflicts that he aroused in her, for she wanted to run from him and yet even more desperately she ached to lie against him and feel the beat of his heart and the warmth of his breath against her face, to know that he loved her as she loved him. She shivered slightly and he withdrew his hand. 'Kate, look at me.' He spoke firmly although he did not touch her or force her to turn to him. He waited until slowly she turned and

took the hand he was offering. 'Why don't we sit here and talk ... really talk with each other?' 'I ... I don't know. I should probably go back ... it's getting late.' He shook his head and smiled down at her. 'It's only the middle of the afternoon, that's not late, child.' His voice revealed a touch of urgency and pleading. 'Don't run away from it, Kate. Believe me, it can't be done; take it from the expert on running. What you run from moves faster than you and no matter where you go, it will be there waiting for you when you arrive.' He sat on the grass, gently pulling her beside him, caressing her hand with his long fingers. 'Let's face it together, Kate, for I think if I'm right, it's each other we have to face.' His arms encircled her as he leaned over and lowered her to the grass. His mouth sought hers. She did not resist but felt her limbs melt into his, felt the quickening beat and desire of his body against hers ... he hungered for her as much as she did for him. 'Kate, dearest Kate ...'he whispered her name, pressing her close to him until she felt he could crush her with his passion. She sobbed and pushed against him. 'No, Adam, no ... please ... let go of me!' Her voice was like that of a stranger. Adam released her and sat up, still dangerously close; in spite of the fact that she had asked him to let her go, she felt deserted and alone. 'It's your move, Kate.' He turned to her abruptly, eyes blazing. 'What do you want from me? You know what I want. Now tell me, what does the little girl Kate want?' His words stung and hurt her so that for a moment she was only aware of an intense desire to hurt back. To her consternation she felt a hot stinging in her hand and saw the red fingermarks on his face. Horrified, she didn't wait for him to move or speak but got up and ran, ran until she thought

her lungs would burst, as surely as her heart was breaking now. So he didn't love her, he only wanted her. Over and over again the words beat their truth into her mind. She could feel the sharp stinging of the grass against her bare legs as bitter tears blinded her. The field dipped slightly. Thrown off balance, she fell sideways with a heavy thud, a searing pain shooting through her leg. She lay there in the grass, her body bruised, too exhausted to run any further. Giving herself up to a storm of weeping, she did not at first realise that Adam was kneeling beside her, softly and rhythmically stroking her hair. He had followed her. How stupid I was, she thought, to think I could escape him. Through the mist of hot tears and raking sobs she heard him speak in a quiet steady voice. 'Kate, please listen to meI didn't mean to hurt you not last night and not now. Please don't be frightened.' He gathered her into his arms and sat there in the grass beside the pond, cradling and rocking her trembling body, whispering reassurances to her. She had no idea how long they sat like that, but it seemed like forever and she had no desire to move and thereby break the bond of closeness that now existed between them. She was where she belongedin his arms. The sun, suspended above the horizon, cast a blinding reflection in the pond. Finally Adam said, 'Kate, just listen to me.' She felt him breathe deeply. 'I want you, I want you as I've never wanted any woman. I need you, Kate, God knows how much.' He felt her stiffen in his arms. 'No, please, don't run from me. Hear me out.' She relaxed, her face burrowed against his shoulder. 'When I saw you again that day on the road from Deerfield, I knew then. I fought it, but I can't fight it any longer. You're special, Kate, you always were. You're good and innocent and so alive. Watching

you, being with you, I feel alive again, and I haven't felt that way for one hell of a long time. Kate ... please think about it. I'd never make you regret it, I'd always be good to you.' He held her more tightly to him. Her breath came in sobs. 'J want to be with you so much, Adam. I want to be yours . .<1 love you.' She turned her face from his. 'But I can't. I can't!' 'Why, Kate? Why?' His voice was urgent and desperate, his hands on her arms like steel bands. 'Tell me why you can't be with me.' 'Because you only want me, Adambecause you want me but you don't love me.' She strained against his hold but was no match for his measureless strength. Then to her surprise she heard his deep laughter as he began to gently rock her back and forth. She looked at him and saw his eyes and face alive with hope again. 'Ah, Kate, you really are a silly woman-child, aren't you? Has there ever been anyone as naive and innocent as you?' He laughed heartily as he hugged her to him. She struggled with her bewilderment. 'Why are you laughing at me?' she protested, only to be silenced by his finger against her lips. 'Sssh! Now listen to me, Kate, and listen with more than your earshear me with that heart of yours, child.' 'I'm not a child, Adam Deerfield.' He easily subdued her struggles. 'My,' he said teasingly, 'you're still as difficult to handle as you used to be. I shall have the task of taming you cut out for me.' He stopped laughing suddenly, his brown eyes gazing at her softly. This time she knew and

understood that look she saw in them, and ceased to struggle, an incredulous joy welling within her. 'I love you, Kate. I've loved you for ever ... for ever. I've loved you as a child, then as a brother loves a sister; and now I love you as a man loves the woman he has chosen to be his own.' He smiled. 'You've changed and so have I, and at last we have come together. We have such a lot, if you'll only choose to see it. We've been friends for as long as I can remember, since you first came to live with us. And now my true friend will be my wife. What firmer basis for a marriage? Understand that I want you and need you because I love you. It's that plain and simple, if only you'll believe me.' He said no more but remained holding her and they sat together for a long time, their happiness enfolding them, their silence a comfortable companion. 'I think we'd better get back, Kate, they'll be wondering where we are.' He helped her to her feet and handed her the sandal she had lost when she fell. Although her leg was scratched and bruised, she hardly noticed, and Adam held her hand to steady her as she replaced her sandal. 'Before we go back, Kate, will you give me your answer? Will you marry me now, this week?' 'Yes, Adam. I'll marry you ... whenever you want.' Once again he held her to him, feeling the soft fragility and eagerness of her young body, knowing that she wanted arid loved him as much as he wanted and loved her. 'The waiting for just a short time longer will make the gift of ourselves so much sweeter and more precious, Kate.'

Together they walked slowly across the field and through the woods. It was only when they reached the cottage that Adam finally spoke. 'This will be our secret, Kate, until after we've married.' She did not question him for reasons but accepted his request. No two people were ever as close, Kathleen was sure, bound by their love for one another.

Kathleen could hardly believe it. She was Mrs Adam Deerfielda wife to Adam. She glanced over at Adam's profile, saw again the firm jawline and the finely chiselled features. He was a strong man physically and emotionallyand she loved him, loved him with every breath she drew. She was proud to be his wife. It had been a simple and beautiful wedding. They had left Sevenoaks about mid-afternoon, she on the pretence of going to visit Colin, and Adam feigning an errand in Sydney. He was not expected back until quite late and Colin was to bring her home. Nikki was to stay with John and Sondra. It was intended that his offer of a lift should appear to the others to be a friendly gesture and nothing more. They had driven to Deerfield, and then on to Baddeck. They were married in the garden of a small stone church by the waters of the Bras d'Or Lakes. After the ceremony, they had wandered peacefully through the garden, finally sitting quietly together on a rustic stone bench. Sitting beside him, his ring on her finger, and the gold of the setting sun performing a fiery dance on the lake, Kathleen felt she would burst with the joy that was hers. Now as they returned to Sevenoaks this joy remained. He must, have felt her gaze on him, for he looked at her, then turned again to watch the road. It was dark now. Adam's voice

quietly injected itself into her thoughts. 'Come over here and sit close to me, Kate.' She felt his hand draw her close and then reach around her shoulders. She snuggled against his side, her hand resting on his powerful thigh. 'How do you feel?' he asked. 'Oh, I don't know. A mixture of things happy, excited, and a little frightened.' 'Frightened? Why?' '1 . . she stammered nervously. 'I want so much to make you happy. I want to be a good wife to you, Adam ... and I ...' she felt his arm tighten about her. 'A good wife, eh?' he laughed softly. 'That you'll be always, Kate.' He turned on to the dirt toad leading up to the house. She felt the car slow as he braked and pulled over to the side. He leaned over her, touching her face with his strong hands. He moved his fingers across her lips. 'God, Kate, I love you so,' he whispered. He drew her to him, fierce and yet tender in his desire for her. His mouth found hers and hungered for the very depths of her. For a moment all time and space were forgotten, there was only herself and Adam ... the rest of the world ceased to exist. She felt his hands, searching and caressing, their hearts beating together. The deep huskiness in his voice bespoke of the depth of his feeling for her. 'Let's go home, Kate.' He started the engine and they drove on. 'Kate? How do you think we should tell the others?' She lay against him, cradled in his arm. 'I don't know, we'll just tell them, that's all.'

He laughed. 'You're beautiful! Everything is so simple to you.' 'But why should it be difficult? How we feel is quite simple ... It was our choice.' She pinched him playfully. 'And don't you dare laugh at me!' She put her arms around his neck and hugged him. 'Oh, Kate, what is simplest is often the most profound. Our lives together will be based on the simple fact...' his voice slowed and he held her close to him with a fierceness that made her gasp for breath, 'that we love each other. That to me is profound. That's simple enough, isn't it?' 'Stop teasing me, Adam.' 'I'm not teasing you, Kate,' he said seriously. 'I'm loving you as I've never loved anyone before.' As he drove up the lane to Sevenoaks, he suggested, 'Let's not tell them tonight, Kate. Come with me now to the cottage and we'll wait until the morning to see them all.' 'But what about Nikki? We'll have to get her, won't we?' 'She's with John and Sondra so she couldn't be safer. Besides, it's nearly midnight, she's sure to be fast asleep. We'd only disturb her, waking her now.' Kathleen walked up the steps of the cottage, ahead of Adam, waiting as he held the door open for her. How many dozens of times had she entered the cottage over the past few years! And how different she felt now, as Adam's wife. In spite of herself, her stomach tightened with apprehension as he said cheerfully, 'Why don't you put your wrap in my room? I'll get us a drink.'

She went into his room, which was furnished simply, even monastically, with a plain wooden dresser and chair, a double bed covered with a blue spread, and matching curtains at the windows. To give herself something to do, she drew them shut, then unzippered her small overnight bag and took out her nightdress. Her palms were damp and she rubbed them against her dress, only too conscious of the frantic flutter of her heart as she tried to look anywhere but at the bed. It was ridiculous to feel nervous, she scolded herself, one part of her wishing Adam would come, the other wishing she could escape to the main house and the solitude of her own room. A hand touched her sleeve and she jumped, whirling in fright. 'Oh, it's you,' she said shakily, trying to smile at her husband, yet failing miserably. Purposely not touching her, his voice infinitely gentle, he said, 'Sweetheart, there's no need to be scared. I love you, don't you understand?' She nodded dumbly, her eyes fixed on his in a desperate quest for reassurance. 'Give me your handwhy, your fingers are like ice!' He rubbed them between his own until imperceptibly they relaxed in his hold. Only then did he put an arm about her waist and lower his head to kiss her. His embrace melted her fears and with a sign of surrender- she wound her arms around his neck, her body moulding itself to his. For a moment he lifted his head, looking deep into her eyes with an expression of such adoration that her heart overflowed with tenderness. Cupping his face in her palms, she said softly, 'I love you,' all the depth of her feeling for him in these three small words.

With perfect trust she drew his mouth down to hers in a kiss of intensifying passion. Her surroundings faded, the world becoming nothing but Adam and herself. As his lips moved against hers she felt his fingers fumbling with the buttons of her dress and then he was pushing it from her shoulders so that it fell in a heap at her feet. She stood slim and straight before him, her cheeks pink with both shyness and pleasure as Adam roved possessively over her body. 'You're so beautiful, Kate,' he said. Then with an arm about her hips he lifted her and carried her to the bed.

Adam was awakened the next morning by a frantic knocking at the door. Reluctantly he threw back the covers, pulled on his jeans and went, yawning, to answer the door. It was Sondra. 'Morning, Sondra. What gets you up so early? It's barely eight o'clock and a, Saturday morning at that.' 'I came to find out if you've seen Kathleen, if you know where she is. Her bed hasn't been slept inshe didn't come home last night.' Sondra wrung her hands, 'Oh, dear, something dreadful's happened, I know it, I just know it!' Adam began to speak, but Sondra talked on breathlessly. 'I know you gave her a lift to town yesterday. She was going to see Colin, but she didn't arrive. I called him this morning and he said he wasn't even expecting her! In any case, she didn't arrive there. I wasn't upset last night, I thought that she and ColinI mean, I thought she'd decided to stay out late, andwell, you know they're

to be married soon, so I didn't get upset, but now ... where can that foolish girl be?' Adam's sharp voice halted her tirade. 'Stop it, Sondra, and come inthe veranda is no place for a discussion of this kind.' Kathleen stirred and half wakened. She reached over to touch Adam, but he was gone. The warmth of his body still emanated from where he had slept, so she knew he must have just got up. She made no move to follow him, but hugged to herself the memory of their night together. They had loved and loved well. For the first time in her life she felt complete and fulfilled, for she was a part of him, this man she had come to love so dearly. They had finally slept, clinging closely to the warmth, love, and completeness that they had given to each other. In the distance she could hear voices, one excited and upset, the other, Adam's, deep and controlled. 'What do you mean, Adam Deerfield, Kathleen stayed here? With you? Why in heaven's name did she stay here? Oh dear, Lee had intended that Kathleen and Colin would ... just the fact of her being here in the same cottage with you ...' 'Sondra, will you please listen to me.' Kathleen heard him bring Sondra a chair, heard the silence with which she waited for an explanation. 'No matter what you and Lee have planned, Kate is not going to marry Colin Draper.' 'Adam, will you stop calling her Kate! It's Kathleen ... Kathleen is a lady's name, it's more refined and there's much more dignity in it than "Kate"!'

Adam responded with exasperation. 'Sondra, I'll never understand you as long as I live. Are you worried about Kate or are you worried about what I call her? Will you listen to me or not?' 'Yes, yes, of course. Where is she now? In Nikki's room?' 'No, Sondra,' he said quietly and firmly, 'she's in my room, in my bed, and she's been there with me all night. We' 'No, Adam! Don't tell me,' I don't want to hear it. Why did you do this terrible thing? If Colin ever finds out he'll never ... oh, why do you do such things, Adam?' She started to cry. Adam was clearly angry now. 'Oh, what the hell! You don't care about her, do you, Sondra? You just care about whether she's still acceptable to Colin. Why is that so important to you? What's in this proposed marriage for you, Sondra? The Draper land which happens to adjoin ours?' He moved towards her. 'Well, listen or not, here's all I have to say to you. Kate is not going to marry Colin Draper!' 'You have nothing to say about that, Adam. It's all decided and that's the way it's going to be.' He ignored her interruption. 'Kate never wanted to marry Colin and Lee can connive and plan all he wants to on that one. Secondly, Kate slept here last night with me, and she'll sleep here again tonight.' His voice deepened as if he were daring any interference. 'She's mine, Sondra, and no one, so help me God, will take her from me. Do you understand what I'm telling you?' 'These are not prehistoric times, Adam. Kathleen isn't a piece of goods that you carry off and keep just because you want to. You're insane if you think Lee will let you'

A small voice from the bedroom door drew her attention. 'Don't you hear what he's telling you, Sondra?' Kathleen came into the room and walked over to Adam, putting her hand in his. 'We were married last night.' Sondra stopped crying and her face paled suddenly. 'You ... you what?' 'Yes. We're married.' The look in Sondra's eyes changed to one of anger and disbelief. 'You can't be serious! You must be mad. This is a foul jokestop it immediately!' Adam's laugh was harsh. 'My dear Sondra, this is no joke. Let me assure you that we are married and we intend to stay married.' Kathleen, bewildered and now frightened by the unmasked look of hatred on Sondra's face, moved closer to Adam. 'Married? You're both fools!' Sondra had regained most of her lost composure but made no attempt to cover her feelings. 'Lee won't permit it. You can't marryso we'll have this so-called marriage annulled. That's exactly what we'll do ... today ... immediately!' 'You're the fool, Sondra. You know full well that it's too late for that. Mark what I say, I won't let her goshe's mine and mine she will remain. No one will take her from me.' Adam's face became a mask of threatening and dark emotions. Not for the first time, Kathleen was afraid of him and the latent power that emanated from him. She retreated from him, backing into the table. Putting her hands to her face, she stammered, 'I ... I don't understand. Why are you both saying these things?'

Some of Sondra's veneer returned and she said to Kathleen cajolingly, 'Come, dear, I'll take you home, away from here.' In one swift step, Adam moved between them. 'She's my wife, Sondra. She's staying here with me.' 'Adam, she can't! You know that as well as I doKathleen is your sister.' 'Kate is not my sister, Sondra, she's my wife. I'm no fool, so give it up, and go back to the house.' Sondra faltered, then continued, 'She grew up with you as your sister and everyone in Deerfield looks upon you as brother and sister; they'll never accept this, especially not after Leslie. They'll 'Look, Sondra, Kate's my wife and I'm not interested in our former family relationships and I don't give a damn what your precious friends may think of any of it.' His eyes narrowed. 'I think you know that I don't care for many of the things that are of prime importance to you and Lee.' 'And just what do you mean by that remark?' He shook his head. 'Nothing, just forget it. It's time you left, because Kate and I need to be alone. We'll come up to the house shortly.' He took her arm and guided her to the door, leaving her no opportunity to misinterpret his intentions. But Sondra would not be put off. She twisted out of his grip. 'Adam, please reconsider this. Think what this will mean to your family ... to all of us. It's a disgrace! People will ostracise Kathleen, she won't be welcome anywhere.'

Adam's eyes blazed. 'Get out, Sondra! I won't discuss this with you any more.' Sondra looked over Adam's shoulder at Kathleen. She sighed heavily and without another word turned and left them. Adam stood staring after her lone figure until she eventually disappeared into the main house. 'Hardly an idyllic beginning, would you say?' He lit a cigarette and walked across the room to Kathleen, limping slightly. 'Is your leg bothering you?' she asked. 'Sometimes I have difficulty first thing in the morning, but it loosens up quickly and it's not nearly as bad as it used to be. After the work-out Sondra just gave us, I'm surprised I have any kinks left! My God, what a vicious woman she is!' He stood looking down at her. 'Are you all right, Kate?' he asked, taking her hands in his and pressing them to his bare chest. She felt the beating of his heart, the rhythm of his being beneath her fingers. 'I'm confused ... I feel so stupid about everything. I don't understand any of it. Why did she act that way?' Her voice broke into a sob. 'I didn't expect her to be pleased about it, Kate. And I can imagine Lee's reaction.' He lifted her face to his. 'Look at me, sweetheart. All you have to know is where you want to be. Do you want to be here with me or do you want to go. back to them, to do what Sondra suggested?' 'Oh, how can you even say that?' she cried, struggling to free her hands.

'I say it because I have to know and because you seem unsure of your feelings right now.' His face and voice were hard and inscrutable. It was as if she did not know him, as if the closeness they had shared had not happened. She shrank away from him again, but he pulled her back against him. 'No, don't do that. Don't pull away from me. And don't misunderstand what I'm saying to you. You know full well what I feel for you, Kate. I love you and I want you. 'I'm asking you not to doubt me, not to mistrust my feelings for you.' His grip on her hands strengthened. 'Stand with me, Kate, that's all I ask of you ... no matter what happens ... no matter what Lee and Sondra say to you.' Standing straight and still, she said quietly, 'Adam, I'm yours, you know that. I could never be anywhere but with you.' He caught her to him, burying his face in her hair with an almost desperate fierceness. 'I'll never let you go, Kate. Never.' 'And I shall never want to leave you, Adam. I love you.' But an ominous foreboding had implanted itself within her; she found herself hoping that love would be enough for them.

CHAPTER TEN As the slow summer days slipped by, Kathleen's fears melted away like mist in the sun, for she was beginning to realise that she had never known true happiness before. Physically and emotionally Adam met her every need; the days were filled with companionship and laughter, the nights with the ecstasy of their mutual love. And adding to her increasing fulfilment as a woman was a heightened sense of belonging to Sevenoaks, now that she was married to Adam. One evening, a week after they were married, it was he who showed her how strong were the bonds they shared with the land they both loved. 'Let's ride to the Mill, Kate,' he suggested. 'Nikki's playing cars with John, and she'll be fine until we get back'.' Even the simplest outing with Adam promised excitement and adventure. 'Love to,' she said warmly. A family of rabbits disappeared into the underbrush as they topped the rise overlooking the mill. The air was loud with the chirr of redwings and the shrill piping of warblers; swallows skimmed the surface of the pool in graceful circles. With one accord Kathleen and Adam dismounted and wandered down the hill hand in hand. 'You like it here, don't you?' Adam asked. 'Oh yes, I love it. It's so calm and peaceful, and so private. We can be alone here ... be ourselves.' 'I know what you mean. We do get a bit entangled with family up at the main house sometimes.' His voice roughened. 'And I like being alone with you.' His hands slid along her bare arms to her waist; he pulled her down to the ground, burying his face in the

sweet-scented valley between her breasts. 'Kate, my beautiful Kate ...' Less shy with him now, she pressed his mouth against her skin, feeling the familiar quiver of delight race through her body. He raised his head, his brown eyes blazing with mingled passion and laughter. 'It isn't decent, is it, sweetheart?' he said. 'The more I have of you, the more I want you.' Overflowing with tenderness, she cupped his face in her palms and said softly, 'I am totally yours, body and soul.' The sharp pang of their desire lessened as they lay together in the tall grass, relaxed and comfortable with each other, their fingers entwined. 'Kate?' She turned her head to look at him as he raised himself up on one elbow and leaned over her. 'I've been thinking a lot about where we're going to live. Autumn will be here before we know it and I don't think the cottage is warm enough. We need something more permanent.' Knowing she did not want to live in the rooms he had shared with Leslie, she chided, 'Don't be silly. You would have stayed in the cottage if you were alone, so I can too.' 'Maybe so, and maybe not. Let's not talk about "ifs". I'm not alone, I have you and Nikki to think about and care for. Besides, I had an idea a while back that might be worth talking about.' He lay back and began chewing on a piece of grass, preserving a tantalising silence. 'Well? Tell me!' she demanded. 'Don't start about something and then fall asleep. Tell me your idea.' One hand tightened around his fingers as she ran her free hand up his side, tickling him until he

squirmed away from her, his dark eyes gleaming with laughter and a mock threat. 'Don't start wrestling with me, Kate Deerfield! I guarantee you'll be the loser. You always are.' But she continued her teasing until he finally grabbed her and pulled her down on top of him, his arms like steel bands around her ribs. Although she put up a token struggle she could not break his hold, not that she really wanted to. 'You can't say I didn't warn you. You had every chance to cease and desist, so you've brought this punishment upon yourself.' His hands gently brought her face to his as his mouth sought hers in a long lingering kiss. 'I love you, Kate. I love you more every day.' She smiled and snuggled against him. 'And you say I'm the loser never has there been such a loser! Oh, Adam, I love you so much. I think sometimes that none of this can be real, that it must be a dream and I'll awaken soon and ...' she trembled ... 'and you'll be gone again. Sometimes I'm so afraid that...' 'Sssh!' He put a finger to her lips. 'Don't bother your head with such foolishness. A man would have to be crazy to leave such a woman. I'll never leave you, Kate. You are my life, my breath, the very soul of me.' They lay together for a long time, sharing the joy of being one. The sun sank slowly towards the horizon and wisps of pink cloud passed gently overheadthe only witnesses to the wonder and contentment of this man and woman who had found fulfilment and peace with each other. It was Adam who eventually broke the silence. 'Come with me a moment, Kate. I want to ask you something.' He got easily to his feet, pulling her up after him.

'Oh, Adam, I was so comfortable. What do you want to know?' 'Just come with me and you'll see.' He led her down to the pond and then around the shoreline to the Mill. 'Look at this and describe what you see,' he directed. 'What's the matter with you? We've been seeing this place since we were kids. It's the old Mill.' She looked at him quizzically. 'What kind of game is this anyway?' 'Don't argue with me. Do what I say, woman.' He nudged her playfully. 'All right,' she shrugged, and still puzzled but willing to accommodate him, she took a deep breath and recited, 'I see a beautiful old stone structure that's been here since before either of us was born. I see the treadwheel, and the dam. I see the pond where we swim in summer and skate in winter. I see fields and the lane leading through the woods down to the main house, which I can't see because it's too far away and because I can't see around corners!' 'That'll do for a start,' he said, lines of laughter creasing his eyes. 'Now open the door of the Mill.' She laughed and giving him a gentle push, ran up to the door of the Mill. 'Why, Adam! Someone's been here recently, the lock is gone.' The door creaked ominously as she pushed it open. Adam came to stand beside her. 'And now tell me what you see/ he demanded. She looked at him, frowning. 'I don't know why you're asking all these questions, Adam.'

He laughed again. 'Not only are you a wilful woman, Kate Deerfield, but you seem compelled to want an explanation for everything.' He reached out and touched her face with his fingers, lightly tracing its fine bone structure. 'Go on trust for once, Kate, and tell me what you see.' Kathleen looked around, observing the place more carefully now. 'I see a dusty old floor and empty flour sacks scattered over there by the window.' She walked to the bottom of the circular stairs that ran up to an upper loft. 'And I see a stairwell in the centre. And over there,' she pointed to a dirt-streaked window, 'I see a bit of light from the outside. Now will you shed a bit of light and tell me what this is all about?' He shook his head in mock seriousness. 'Oh dear, Kate, I was afraid of this. It would seem perhaps we aren't suited to one another after all. We just don't see this in the same way.' Before she could respond, he took her hand firmly in his and led her back to the door. 'Now, Kate, see this place through my eyes for a moment. This is a spacious living- room with a circular staircase to the upstairs bedrooms; there's room for one good-sized bedroom and two smaller ones. See the balcony that runs around the upper hall, so that when you stand there you can look down on the living- room. I know there's only one small window overlooking the pond, but I can visualise a large picture window, with a beautiful view of the pond, the fields, and the woods beyond.' He squeezed her hand gently. 'We can watch our children as they play outside, little Kate. Now over here is the entrance to our den or library and then in this direction will be the kitchen. Aren't you impressed with the stone wall we've retained here on the south side, and the natural pine interior of the rest of the house? It's a fact that you, dear Kate, will have the only stone house for miles around.'

He drew her to him, resting his cheek against her flowing black hair. 'Oh, Kate, and it's a fact that I love you more than the breath I draw.' She looked up at him, her eyes shining with emotion. 'Adam, I ...' she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. 'I think ...' 'What do you think, Kate? Stop mumbling, for heaven's sake.' He grinned at her, yet she sensed he was anxiously awaiting her reaction. 'I think it's a wonderful idea. We can work on it together, and what a beautiful home it will be! How we both loved to come here as children, and now we shall live here and ... I love it! I just love it! I can see it just as you described it!' Her excitement was infectious as they explored every inch of the Mill and talked excitedly about the changes they would make and the things they would keep the same. They were drawn even closer, if that was possible, by sharing this vision of the home they would build together. 'Do you think John will let us use the land, Adam? Do you think he'll let us do what we want?' 'I checked with John before I spoke to you, Kate. And don't pout because you weren't the first to know!' He held her close to him. 'I didn't want you to get excited about the idea and then be disappointed if it didn't work out, John is giving us the Mill and a good deal of land as well... a wedding present, he said.' 'Let's go home right now and thank him,' she exclaimed. 'When can we start renovating it, Adam?' 'I think we'll have to wait until tomorrow,' he teased.

Indeed, it was only a matter of days before a crew of workmen descended on the mill and the cheerful sounds of hammer and saw rang through .the air. Very often Kathleen and Nikki would spend their mornings there, delighting in the rapid progress that was being made. In the afternoons they swam and rodeAdam had purchased a fat and tractable pony for his daughter, whose natural aptitude pleased him. Adam would join them for supper at the cottage, and as a family of three they would have a barbecue there, play cards or go for a drive. It was a pattern of existence outwardly placid, and yet for Kathleen intensely satisfying. She took an inward pride in Adam's more youthful step; the lines had smoothed from his tanned face, and he had lost the haunted look of bitterness that had so marred his features. After her initial outburst, Sondra appeared to have accepted their marriage as a fait accompli, if not with a particularly good grace, at least with no further acrimony. Just the same, Kathleen was secretly relieved when she and John flew to Cape Cod for three weeks in August to stay with friends who had a summer home there. As for Lee, she rarely saw him, for he was often absent, leaving Adam to handle the bulk of the farm work; she knew her husband was concerned about the amount Lee was drinking and the rowdy group he was associating with. It was quite by accident she met Lee one day in the machine shed, where she had gone looking for Adam. She was shocked by the change in him; as Adam had become more youthful since their marriage, Lee appeared to have aged. His clothes were torn and oil-stained, his hair tousled and none too clean. A stubble of beard roughened his chin. He regarded her insolently through bloodshot eyes. 'It's the new bride,' he said derisively. 'How's married life, Kathie?'

Torn between pity and revulsion, she said briefly, 'Fine. Do you know where Adam is?' He ignored her question. 'Has he told you yet why he married you?' Her face softened with a gentle radiance. 'Oh yes, I know why he married me.' For a moment he looked disconcerted. 'What's he told you?" he demanded. 'Why, that he married me because he loves me, Lee,' she said, proudly stating the obvious. 'Sure,' he sneered. 'That's what they all say. It so happens I know the real reason, little Kathie. Want to hear it?' 'Not particularly,' she said crisply, all at once wanting to escape from the claustrophobic confines of the shed into the fresh air. She turned to go and he grabbed her by the sleeve. 'Don't be in such a hurry,' he said. 'I haven't finished yet. When I have, then you can go and find himhe's in the south pasture mending the tractor.' She tried to tug her arm away. 'Let go, Lee!' 'Do you remember the day a month or so ago when Colin came here to see John on business?' Her attention caught in spite of herself, she nodded. 'That day John legally divided the farm among the three of us Adam, myself and you. I was fool enough to tell Adam about it,

and a week later he married you. So now he controls two-thirds of Sevenoaks.' He gave an ugly laugh. 'I almost have to admire him it wasn't a bad strategy, was it?' 'Lee, you're crazy! Adam didn't marry me to gain control of Sevenoaks, he married me because he loves me.' 'Such touching faith,' he spat. 'Go and ask him, why don't you? Ask him if it isn't true that he's the new master of Sevenoaks.' He released her so suddenly that she staggered. 'I'm going to town,' he growled, his tone filled with repressed violence. 'At least I can breathe the air in there without feeling that my own brother's stabbing me in the back.' He turned on his heel and left; a moment later she heard the car engine rev up, and from the door she watched him drive away at a speed dangerously fast for the narrow road. The sun beamed its warmth on her bare head. From the chicken run a hen cackled loudly, while somewhere in the distance a calf was bawling for its mother. Instinctively Kathleen began to hurry down the track towards the south pasture, her initial reaction being to tell. Adam all that had transpired so he could deny Lee's insinuations. But as she jogged down the leaf-shadowed lane, her footsteps began to lag until at last she came to a halt beneath the spreading branches of one of the great oaks. Leaning against the trunk, she stared up at the canopy of leaves, trying to organise her thoughts in some logical manner: Colin had come to Sevenoaks on business and had been closeted with John for several hoursand previous to this John had mentioned developments that he hoped would settle the differences between Lee and Adam. So perhaps it was true ... perhaps John had divided the farm among the three of them; upset

as she was, she could not help feeling a flicker of pride that John would consider her the equal of his two sons. But if Adam knew of this development, surely he would have spoken to her about it? It affected the lives of both of them, after all; she would not like to think of him keeping such a secret from her. Drawing on all her reserves of newfound trust and love for her husband, she came to the inescapable conclusion that he must be ignorant of John's new policy, and if Lee's suppositions about the division of the farm were correct, John himself would tell them when he was ready ... Determined not to let Lee's rancour ruin her day, Kathleen forced herself to forget the events of the past half hour; John and Sondra would be back in a few days and the matter would be clarified then. And now the reason she had originally been looking for Adam came back to her mind; she had spent the morning at the Mill and the foreman had told her the workmen were finished; the place needed a thorough cleaning and then they could move in. She gave a little skip of anticipation and again began to run down the path to find her husband. It was actually a week before they were settled at the Mill, a busy week for Kathleen as she polished and scrubbed and waxed, as she supervised what furniture would go to the Mill from the main house and the cottage, and as she and Adam shopped for some new pieces of their own. But finally, late one August evening, she and Adam and Nikki drove from the cottage to the Mill for the last time. For Nikki's benefit they made hot chocolate and popcorn, then the little girl was ceremoniously escorted to her new room under the eaves, which she herself had chosen to have decorated in a delicate shade of mauve with white trim. After kissing her goodnight,

Adam and Kathleen descended the curving staircase to the main floor. Adam touched a match to the neatly piled paper and wood in the fireplace. Cheerful flames soon flickered upward giving the room mysterious corners of darkness, reflecting from the brass ornaments on the shelf, softening the vivid hues of a bowl of flowers Kathleen had picked earlier in the day. Adam piled cushions on the floor beside the hearth and produced two glasses of bubbling ice-cold champagne. Touching the rim of his glass to hers, he said with deep feeling, 'To our new home.' Kathleen's eyes darkened with emotion. She drank solemnly, inwardly breathing a prayer that this would indeed become a home for Adam, a haven of peace and contentment and love. Inexplicable tears made her vision swim. 'Hey,' he said in quick concern, 'don't cry, love.' She pressed her face into his shoulder. 'I'm so happy,' she quavered, her voice muffled by his body. 'It scares me.' 'There's nothing to be scared of,' he soothed. 'I'm here and I'll always look after you, you know that.' He raised her face to his, holding her chin in firm warm fingers as she smiled at him mistily; His lips sought hers, and one hand slid from her neck to cup the soft swell of her breast. Pleasure became the insistent ache of desire so that her body arched towards him. Unbuttoning his shirt, she ran her hands beneath its fabric, feeling the hardness of his chest, the arc of his ribs, the flat muscles of his back. Her own blouse fell to her waist, the firelight tinting her skin with rosy shadows. With his free hand, Adam undid the ribbon holding back her hair so that its lustrous black curls tumbled to her shoulders. With a sensuousness that

made her tremble with delight, he covered her bare breast with her hair. His voice was husky when he spoke, its timbre roughened with desire. 'Come to bed, my beautiful Kate.' He pulled her to her feet, straining her body against his as though he could imprint his need of her in her very bones. The answering passion that shook her delicate frame fed his own; he gathered her in his arms and carried her up to their bedroom. Their first week at the Mill was an idyllic one, a series of sundrenched days and warm summer nights that Kathleen would later remember with wonderment and an ache of loss. John and Sondra were still away; Lee was rarely to be found; so Adam, Kathleen and Nikki fashioned their own world, worked and laughed and played together, forging bonds that Kathleen blithely assumed were unbreakable. The rest of the world could have ceased to exist as far as she was concerned, so absorbing did she find her new daughter, her new home, her ardent, tender husband. But she was soon to find that the world could not be ignored with impunity and indeed extracted a price from those who tried. It happened that Kathleen was up at the main house when Sondra and John returned; she had been experimenting with new recipes and was chatting with Mrs Hicks about culinary matters when she heard a car drive up. Genuinely pleased to see them, she ran outside, flinging her arms around John and planting a kiss on his withered cheek. 'You look like the traditional beautiful bride,' he laughed, noting with approval her clear glowing skin, the happiness radiating from her blue eyes, the new assurance in her bearing.

'And you look terrific yourself,' she responded truthfully, seeing how tanned and relaxed he appeared. She turned to Sondra and hugged her impulsively. 'It's nice to have you back,' she exclaimed, too happy herself to notice the lukewarm response. The two women helped John into his wheelchair and he steered himself to the edge of the lawn, where the grass sloped in green velvet folds to the silver ribbon of the river. 'Now that I'm back, I realise how much I missed Sevenoaks,' he admitted softly. He patted Kathleen on the arm. 'Why don't you and Sondra go into the house? I'd just like to sit here for a while.' 'Of course,' the girl agreed warmly. 'Here, Sondra, I'll help you with that case. And do you want this basket inside?' 'You could carry it up to my room, if you wouldn't mind,' Sondra said smoothly. 'Perhaps I'll unpack my things right away.' As always Kathleen felt slightly intimidated by the pristine perfection of Sondra's room, with its priceless antiques and dazzling display of fragile ornaments; it looked more like a showroom than a place to be lived in. 'You could hang these up for me, Kathleen, if you wouldn't mind,' Sondra suggested, carefully unfolding evening gowns and sunwear from their nest of tissue paper in the suitcase. As Kathleen padded back and forth across the Aubusson carpet, Sondra said silkily, 'Married life appears to be agreeing with you. Adam must be living up to your expectations.' There was really nothing in Sondra's tone of voice to which Kathleen could take exception, and yet she felt oddly uncomfortable. With a certain reserve she answered, 'Yes, I'm very happy.'

She took the cocktail dress Sondra was holding out. Sondra's eyes fell from the girl's firm high breast to her waist. 'Are you pregnant yet?' she asked. Taken aback, Kathleen felt a fiery blush burn her cheeks. 'Really, Sondra,' she protested weakly, attempting to make a joke out of it, 'we've only been married a month ... give us time!' Sondra's mouth thinned. 'I'm sure Adam won't waste any time in getting himself a son to inherit Sevenoaks,' she said dryly. 'He's told you, of course, that his marriage to you has given him the controlling share of the farm?' Her mouth suddenly dry, Kathleen stood stock still as a mental image of Lee making the same accusation imposed itself on her mind. Unconsciously her fingers pleated the chiffon drapery of the dress on her arm. 'Don't crease it!' Sondra said sharply. 'You haven't answered my question, Kathleen.' To give herself much-needed time, Kathleen hung the gown carefully in the cupboard, where only she could see how badly her hands were shaking. She drew a deep, steadying breath, and turned to face Sondra. 'Adam doesn't know about it,' she said with outward calm. 'Of course he knows,' Sondra said, raising plucked eyebrows with just the right touch of incredulity. 'Lee told him. John, of course, thinks the whole affair is a dark secret, and plans to get together with the three of you one evening this week to break the good news.' She broke off and walked over to the girl standing so silently by the open cupboard, placing immaculately manicured fingers on Kathleen's sleeve. 'Do you mean to say Adam didn't tell you?' she asked sympathetically, her china-blue eyes fastened on

Kathleen's white face. 'Really, that's too bad of him! I think you should have been told before he married younot that it would have made any difference to the way you feel about him, of course, but I do believe a husband and wife should be honest with each other, don't you? Otherwise, how can you trust each other ... and trust is so important in building a lifelong relationship.' Since these were her sentiments exactly, Kathleen closed her eyes, desperately wishing she was anywhere else but here, as Sondra's words battered at her fragile defences. 'I've upset you, Kathleen,' Sondra said remorsefully. 'I'm sorry, I never should have mentioned it. But naturally, I assumed you knew. Well, dear, I'm sure Adam has his reasons for remaining silentdon't worry about it.' Briskly she hung up a blouse and added, 'There, that's done. Now I'd better see if Mrs Hicks has lunch ready, she didn't know we were getting back today. You will be all right, won't you?' 'Oh yes, I'm fine,' Kathleen said automatically. 'I must go home, Adam and Nikki will be hungry too.' All the way to the Mill she wondered how she would be able to face Adam, for she did not feel capable of confronting him openly. Her ability for any kind of coherent thought appeared to have deserted her completely, so that her mind winced away from the idea that he had known about the farm and had not seen fit to tell her. The inevitable corollary of this, that he had married her in order to secure his hold on Sevenoaks, was an appalling prospect, the very stuff of nightmares ... for the first time since her marriage, she found herself thinking of Leslie, who had also been married to Adam, and who had died so mysteriously. Was it true that somehow Adam had driven her to death? Had Leslie lived on this

knife-edge of uncertainty, and had it been too much for her to bear? Her fists clenched so hard that her fingernails were digging into her skin, she fought against these thoughts, pushing back the floodgate of memories of mild, pretty Leslie. Adam could not have been responsible for her death, it was impossible. But before entering the Mill, she had to consciously brace herself for whatever might follow, only too aware of how difficult it was going to be for her to behave normally. A glance at the hall mirror confirmed her fears: the tan seemed to have faded from her face, leaving it drained and hollow- cheeked, her eyes pools of anxious blue. She managed to produce the semblance of a smile as she walked into the cheerful kitchen, with its crisp curtains billowing in the breeze, and its copper ornaments twinkling in the sun. But only Nikki was there. The child gave Kathleen her usual gaptoothed grin, apparently noticing nothing amiss, and handed her a note in Adam's forceful, angular handwriting ... the cows had broken through the fence in the river pasture, so he had made himself a sandwich to eat on his way down there ... he couldn't promise when he'd be back. Abruptly Kathleen sat down, full of a cowardly relief that the inevitable meeting with Adam was delayed a few hours longer; she would at least have the time to consider what she shouldor should notsay to him. But in the afternoon a message came from Sondra that the meeting with John was set for this evening, and, panic-stricken, Kathleen felt her confusion mount to suffocating proportions; Adam could not have known about John's proposal ... he had known and had not told her ... he had married her for love ... he had married her for her share of the property ... Round and round her tangled thoughts chased one another, like animals

chained to a treadmill, until she felt she was going mad. Pressing her fingers to her throbbing forehead, she would have given anything to be able to return to this morning's peace and security ... Adam had left early, before she was up or even fully awake; he had leaned over her as she lay in bed and had whispered in her ear, 'I love you, dearest Kate. Never doubt that.' And trustingly, blurred with sleep, her blue eyes had met his, and she had answered, 'How could I doubt it, when every hour of the day and night you prove it to me?' Through her present misery this memory came as deliverance. No man could pretend, or fake, the tenderness and cherishing Adam had showered upon her since their marriage, she decided, willing herself to believe her own words. When she saw him later this afternoon, she would openly tell him what Lee and Sondra had saidno longer would she keep it hidden from him. And in the meantime she would remember his integrity and strength, and would not allow herself to be so easily swayed as to doubt him. By now thoroughly ashamed of all her fears, she swam with Nikki in the pond, then prepared a tasty supper, and changed into a brief sundress that she knew Adam liked. But at six o'clock Sondra phoned again to say there were still three heifers loose, and that once they were caught Adam would be going straight to the main house. Putting on as cheerful a face as she could, Kathleen served herself and Nikki, but the food was tasteless in her mouth. It now appeared she would not have the chance to talk privately to Adam before they saw John, and it suddenly seemed terribly important to her that she do this. However, it was not to work out as she wished. After their meal, Kathleen drove the car to the house along the winding back roads, absently noting the clustered blackberries

ripening on their tangled canes along the hedgerows; she and Nikki would have to pick them soon for bramble jelly. Mrs Hicks took charge of Nikki when they arrived, and Kathleen chatted distraitly to John as they waited for Adam and Lee to arrive. It was nearly seven-thirty before she heard the jeep doors slam; a few minutes later the two men entered the room. Both looked tired, dusty, and hot. Adam's shirt was sticking to his back in sweatstained patches and a streak of dirt marked one cheek. He grinned at his wife. 'I won't kiss you,' he said, 'I'm filthy.' Because she had been longing for the reassurance his touch would bring, she got up and walked over to him, her attempt at lightness impaired by the tremor in her voice. 'You look all right to me besides., I haven't seen you all day.' He looked at her in quick -concern, but before he could ask what was wrong, John said heartily, 'I won't keep you long, I know you two boys are tired and hungry. But I was in touch with Colin Draper after I got home today and all the papers have been finalised. To put it bluntly, I've divided the farm into three equal portions, one for each of you, although I intend for Adam, as the oldest, to be in charge.' He smiled at Adam and Kathleen. 'When I first drew up the documents I didn't know you two intended to be married; in a way it fitted my plans beautifully because it keeps the land in the family and does give Adam the major portion. Lee, I've given you the entire south section, so you can be quite independent if you wishdevelop your own crops and methods and so on. I don't want you to feel you're completely under Adam's thumb.' Lee stood up slowly, fastening his thumbs under his belt with exaggerated nonchalance. 'Dad,' he drawled, 'you can talk all you like about independence, but in actual fact Adam has two votes and I have one. How opportune that he married our Kathleen, isn't it?'

'Lee -' John began, but Lee ignored him. 'I've had enough of this charade. There never has been any equality at Sevenoaks and there never will be. So don't try and fool me with your fancy schemes,' he said roughly. 'I'm going to get something to eat.' Silence fell after he had slouched out, and only then did it occur to Kathleen that Adam had showed no reaction to John's newshad he, then, already known about it? Even as she wondered this, Adam finally spoke. 'It won't work, John. It was a good try, but it won't work. There isn't the room at Sevenoaks for both of us.' 'Adam, there has to be,' John insisted, leaning forward in his wheelchair as he tried to drive home his point. 'I can't send either one of my sons away.' 'Then it looks as though one of us may have to leave,' Adam concluded grimly. 'Don't talk that way!' John ordered sharply with some of his old force, the colour rising alarmingly in his face. 'I won't hear of it.' 'Okay, okay,' Adam said placatingly. 'I'll try, John. I'll try as hard as I can to get along with Lee. Let's just leave it for now, and give him a chance to cool down and think things over. This probably came as much of a surprise to him as it did to me.' Did it, Adam? Kathleen questioned with inward despair. Or have you known for over a month? Somehow she no longer felt she could directly ask him these questions ... perhaps she was too afraid of the answers.

CHAPTER ELEVEN IT was late when Adam and Kathleen drove home to the Mill, Nikki asleep in the girl's arms. If Kathleen's manner was strained, and if she was not quite able to meet her husband's eyes, Adam was not in any state to notice. He had relapsed into a brooding silence, his eyes hooded, lines of strain about his tautly held mouth. Even suspecting him, as she did, of the basest kind of betrayal, Kathleen could not totally suppress concern for him. 'You look tired,' she ventured. 'Yeah, I'm bushed,' he agreed, running his fingers through his hair. 'I think I'll have a shower when we get home, and go straight to bed. Can you look after Nikki, and lock up?' 'Of course,' she agreed quickly, secretly relieved that there would be no further scenes tonight; she felt emotionally drained and perilously close to tears as it was. Suddenly remembering something she had meant to mention to him earlier, she remarked, 'By the way, tomorrow afternoon I'd like to go to Sydney. I have a dentist appointment and I want to-do a bit of shopping. Will you remember to bring the car back for me?' 'Sure. What time?' 'Around one ... that should give me lots of time. John's going to keep an eye on Nikki for me.' 'Here we are,' said Adam, parking the car by the door. 'I'll carry her upstairs for you. Come on, Nikki love.' He carefully lifted his daughter from Kathleen's lap, and not until then did it occur to her with a nasty little shock that if she had been avoiding any conversation with him, so too had he with her. Tomorrow, she thought dully, we'll sort it out tomorrow ...

Adam was already asleep when she went to their room. Undressing as quietly as she could in order not to disturb him, she found herself searching his face in the reflected glow of light from the hallway; he was lying on one side, his breathing deep and regular, the lines of tension about his mouth relaxed in sleep. He looked both younger and more vulnerable than when awake. Her heart aching for their lost closeness, she slid into bed. beside him and eventually fell into a restless slumber. It was pitch dark when she awoke, finding herself sitting bolt upright in bed, her heart pounding in her breast. Totally disorientated, it took her several moments to realise that it must have been Adam who had inadvertently awoken her. He was tossing restlessly in the bed. An involuntary sound of pain was wrung from his lips, and in his sleep he cried out, 'Leslie! Leslie ...' The distress in his voice cut her to the quick. Wanting only to free him from his nightmare, she reached over and grasped his shoulders. He thrashed against her hold, but she shook him as hard as she could. 'Adam! Wake up,' she begged. He half sat up with a suddenness that almost threw her off balance. 'You were dreaming,' she whispered. 'I had to wake you up.' For a minute the only sound in the room was the harshness of his breathing. Then he said bitterly, 'I haven't dreamed like that for months.' 'Tell me about it,' she offered, stretching out a tentative hand to rest on his arm. But he shifted convulsively in the bed so that her fingers fell away, and muttered irritably, 'Oh, it's about Leslie ... I used to dream it every night after she died, but it got less and less frequent over the years, and I haven't had a nightmare like that for months.' He

yawned. 'God, I'm tired and I've got a hell of a lot to do tomorrow. Let's get back to sleep.' Turning his back to her, he lay down again, leaving her no choice but to do the same. Flat on her back, her body rigid with strain, she stared up into the blackness. He had not wanted her offer of comfort, nor had he shared his feelings with her, and the pain of this double rejection caused tears to trickle silently down her cheeks and soak into the pillow. It was a long time before sleep claimed her again. Once again when she woke up in the morning, Adam had already gone. Like an automaton she got through her morning tasks, for once taking no pleasure in them. By one o'clock she was ready for the trip to Sydney, looking deceptively cool and composed in a tailored pastel pant suit. One-fifteen came and went, then onethirty ... where was Adam? Surely he couldn't have forgotten their arrangement? If she had to walk to the main house to borrow John's car, she'd be hopelessly lateif she wasn't too late already. Deciding to give him another ten minutes, she paced up and down the hall, annoyed by his tardiness and more than a little hurt that he could have forgotten her. Then she heard the scrunch of tyres coming down the lane to the Mill. She grabbed her handbag, called Nikki, and ran outside. 'Colin!' she exclaimed blankly. 'Where's Adam?' He looked understandably surprised. 'I don't know. Should I?' 'Oh dear,' she said in some confusion, 'he was supposed to bring me the car three-quarters of an hour ago so I could go to Sydney I have a dentist appointment. But I guess he must have forgotten.'

'You're in' luck,' Colin grinned. 'I'm on my way to Sydney myself and I'd be delighted to take you. That's why I dropped over in the first place, to see if you needed anything.' 'Bless you!' she exclaimed, rather more warmly than she had intended. 'I can tell John I'm going with you when we let Nikki off.' Shortly afterwards they drove away from Sevenoaks. If Colin noticed the dark shadows under her eyes, he was too polite to say anything, and instead exerted himself to be a pleasant companion. For Kathleen the afternoon was like stepping back into the past, into the simpler days of her youth before Adam came home, into the carefree days of her friendship with Colin. She weathered the dentist appointment successfully, bought herself a new dress and Nikki a jumper and blouse for school, and recklessly added a dark silk ascot for Adam to her purchases. Because Colin had business commitments until nearly six, she had a light supper in the cafe of one of the big department stores and then waited for him in his car. The time alone in the city had restored her sense of proportion; she now felt capable of speaking honestly to Adam about the perplexities of the past two days ... their relationship was too precious to be jeopardised by intangible doubts and ill-founded fears, she thought resolutely. It was nearly seven-thirty when Colin dropped her off at the Mill, She gathered up her various parcels, still laughing at one of his humorously long-winded stories. 'Will you come in?' she invited. 'No, thanks, Kathleen. Another time.' 'Well, thank you, Colin. I had a lovely afternoon.'

He raised a hand in farewell and drove off. A smile on her lips, Kathleen walked towards the door. With a suddenness that suggested he had been waiting for her, Adam opened it from the inside. 'Hello,' she said almost shyly, the lift of her heart telling her how glad she was to see him. 'Where the hell have you been?' The smile faded from her face. She stopped in consternation, staring up at him. 'In SydneyI told you I had to see the dentist,' she said blankly. 'That was at two-thirty. It's nearly eight now.' 'It so happens I was late leaving here, because you forgot to bring me the car.' 'The heifers got out again. Didn't Lee give you the message?' 'No.' 'I see. Well, I still fail to understand how you could spend four hours at the dentist's.' 'I didn't,' she snapped. 'I want shopping afterwards and then I had to wait for Colin until after six; he had a couple of late appointments.' 'History's repeating itself, isn't it?' he said sarcastically. 'Or have you forgotten the other time you went out with Colin and came home so late? What was it that timea flat tyre?'

'Adam!' she exploded. 'If you don't believe me, just say so, why don't you?' She held her chin high with defiance, far too proud to let him see how much he was hurting her. 'Perhaps you should have married Colin, not me,' he retorted. 'It sure looked as though you were enjoying yourself with him.' 'Perhaps I should have!' She went to walk past him into the house, but as she did so he stopped her and pulled her roughly towards him, burying his face in her shining hair. 'Oh, God, Kathleen, what's wrong?' he groaned. 'I don't want to fight with you.' Although for a moment she resisted him, her treacherous body betrayed her, and with a muffled sob she fell into his arms. 'Everything's gone wrong since I came back,' he went on, his breath stirring a wisp of hair on her cheek. 'And it's going to get worse. John, God bless him, made about the worst decision he could have made as far as the situation between me and Lee is concerned. His intentions were good, I suppose, but they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions.' 'It can't be that bad, Adam.' 'It's every bit that bad,' he insisted. 'Kathleen, maybe it's time we moved on -' 'You mean, leave Sevenoaks?' she interrupted, horrified. 'Yes.' His bleak monosyllable was more convincing than a tirade of words would have been.

'Adam, we couldn't! Leave the Mill just when we've moved in? And Nikki's so happy here ...' Incoherent with dismay, she pulled away from him. 'A wife belongs with her husband,' he. said, an edge of steel in his voice. 'But Adam, Sevenoaks is my home, I never want to leave here. And it's your home too.' 'I'm beginning to believe that a home at Sevenoaks comes at too high a cost,' was his sober reply. 'Listen to us we're fighting again. And what about? Sevenoaks.' 'I see what you mean,' she said slowly, trying to give him a fair hearing, even though every nerve in her body cried out a protest against leaving the farm. 'But Adam, there must be some other way.' 'I don't know what it is.' He raked his fingers through his hair in a gesture whose familiarity caught at her heartstrings. 'Damn it, Kate, let's forget it for a while and go for a drive. We'll go into Deerfield and I'll buy you an ice cream.' Accepting his peace-offering, even though she knew conflicts were being shelved that would have to be resolved sooner or later, she smiled at him with all the conviction she could muster. 'A hot fudge sundae with nuts?' she said hopefully. His laugh rang out in the dusk as he gave her a brief, hard hug. 'And a milk shake to go with it!' 'I'll get fat,' she threatened.

He spanned her waist with his two large hands. 'You've got a way to go yet. But just to make sure, we'll go for a walk afterwards. Hold on a minute while I phone the main house and see if Nikki can sleep up there.' Adam rejoined her. 'I spoke to Lee and told him where we were going, and he said Sondra would look after her.' Adam and Kathleen drove into Deerfield, by an unspoken mutual consent discussing neither Lee nor Sevenoaks. In the ice cream parlour Adam contented himself with a cone, but watched in amusement as Kathleen waded through two large scoops of ice cream and quantities of thick chocolate sauce. When she finished, she said, 'You did mention a walk, didn't you?' 'Sure. There's no hurry about getting back.' A few days ago he would have said 'home', not 'back', she thought sadly. 'Everything will work out, Adam,' she said, injecting as much reassurance in her voice as she could. 'Oh, Adam, please let's not go away. It will work out. Really it will.' Slipping her small hand in his, she felt him stiffen, although he did not pull away. Instead, he looked down at her, his eyes darkening with some unreadable feeling. If only she could understand what was going through his mind, but he would not share this secret part of himself ... not with anyone. They walked slowly down the main street, sharing a comfortable silence, and then wandered down the narrow lane that led to the rink. Night had fallen, the darkness checkered by squares of light from the houses. Without warning a face loomed before them, a face that wore an ugly leer of hatred. 'Well, well. Adam Deerfield, the mighty man himself,' a voice snarled. 'We've been waiting for you.' And suddenly they were

surrounded by three other men. 'We have a message to deliver,' the group's spokesman said. Kathleen felt an unutterable fear paralyse her muscles. Adam dropped her hand and pushed her away from him. He spoke in a soft tone, only his eyes revealing a watchful glint of readiness. 'Go away, Kathleen. Go back to the car.' But she made no move to leave. 'What do you men want? What's going on?' Adam turned to her again, speaking to her more harshly than he ever had before. 'For God's sake, get out of here!' Before he could say another word a fist drove fast and hard into his stomach. He had seen it coming, but the precious seconds he had taken to speak to Kathleen had given one of the men the advantage and although Adam had tried to side-step the blow, it caught him full weight. He doubled over, fighting for breath, feeling at the same time rough hands seize him and pin his arms to his sides. 'God help you if we see you in this town after tomorrow, Deerfield.' With that the man brought his knee sharply up into Adam's ribs. With a moan, Adam fell forward into the dust, a blur of red engulfing him as he gave himself up to merciful oblivion. Kathleen frantically fought against the strong arms holding her fast. 'Don't scream and don't go for help for five minutes, lady,' the spokesman warned. 'And if you're wise, you'll make sure that husband of yours does as he's been told unless you want to be a wealthy widow.' Chuckling at his own crude wit, he said to the others, 'Okay, let's get out of here.'

They melted into the darkness as quickly as they had come. With a sob of sheer terror Kathleen fell to her knees on the ground. 'Adam, are you all right?' she cried, cradling his head in her hands, frightened to move him and terrified by his lack of response. She tore off her raincoat and covered his still body, then scrambled to her feet and ran out of the alleyway to the main street. In the nearest phone booth she dialled their family doctor's number with unsteady fingers, and within ten minutes, the longest ten minutes of her life, he was accompanying her down the narrow alleyway to where Adam lay. Adam was stirring, trying to push himself up from the ground, only to fall back with an inarticulate groan. 'Adam, it's Kate. I've brought the doctor, you'll be all right now ...' Dr. Stevens, fiftyish, plump and bald, with shrewd blue eyes, conducted a hasty examination, then gave a grunt of satisfaction. 'Nothing broken. Cracked ribs maybe, bruises ... I'll have to put a stitch or two in that cut on your head. They did a fine job on you, Adam Deerfield. How many of 'em?' 'Four,' said Adam with a vestige of his old grin on his battered face. 'Know any of them?' 'Never seen them before.' 'Well, I'm sure you can give the police a description after we get you to the hospital.' Adam gasped as the doctor ungently probed his scalp. 'No hospital and no police,' he announced with absolute finality.

'You're not going to let them get away with it!' the doctor exclaimed. 'Don't worry, I'll make sure it doesn't happen again,' Adam said through gritted teeth. 'But I'll do it my way.' 'I think We should contact the police -' Kathleen began. 'For God's sake, don't argue, Kate,' Adam said tersely. 'You're as stubborn as you ever were,' Dr Stevens commented wryly. 'But I guess it's up to you. And now, my friend, you've got to walk to the car. I'll take you to my office so I can tape up your ribsand don't waste your breath arguing.' It was an uncommunicative, harsh-faced Adam who sat beside Kathleen in the car on the drive home to the Mill, his eyes like stones as he stared straight ahead into the pool of light cast by the headlamps. Kathleen drove as carefully as she could, her already overstretched nerves further strained by his silence. When they arrived, she brought the car to a halt as close to their front door a| possible. 'Wait a minute and I'll help you out.' It was a measure of his weakness that he offered no protest. 'We should have stopped at the houseI could do with Lee's help to get you upstairs,' she remarked, cross with herself that she had not anticipated this. 'Perhaps I should phone -' Momentarily his eyes met hers, a blaze of such primitive rage in them that she shrank back. 'No! We don't need anyone's help.' Her lip trembled, and for a moment she swayed on her feet, utterly exhausted by the terrors of the evening.

Adam grimaced. 'Kate, I'm sorry,' he said, his voice hoarse with fatigue. 'It's not your fault, sweetheart, you behaved wonderfully all night.' Her mouth quivered into a smile and he hauled himself to his feet. 'Let's get this over with,' he said. 'Once I'm upstairs I'll be all right.' Climbing the stairs was an ordeal for both of them, but finally it was done. She helped Adam into the bathroom and waited outside for him, feeling her knees shake with weakness now that the nightmare of the past few hours was over. Gratefully her gaze roved over the familiar furnishings of the bedroom with its soft green walls and moss green rug, its vast mahogany bed; she pulled the long velvet curtains together, for once glad to shut out the night. Undressing slowly, she slipped into one of the nightdresses Adam had given her since their marriage, this one of dark blue silk with pure white lace edging its dcolletage; sitting in front of her dresser, she began to brush the glossy coils of her hair. Adam came into the room, leaning against the door frame for support. He was naked to the waist, dark purple bruises marking his skin. 'You look so beautiful. Kate ... come here.' She got up and walked towards him, her young body in the provocative nightdress like a slim blue flower. He put an arm around her and her forehead drooped against his chest; for a long moment they stood in a silent embrace. When he spoke, his voice was a husky whisper. 'If they'd hurt you this evening, I'd never have forgiven myself.' His hand slid up her back. Under her cheek she could feel the roughness of the elastic bandage around his ribs. And suddenly the long-overdue tears flooded her eyes and poured down her cheeks,

trickling across his bare skin. 'It's all right, dear,' he murmured, 'it's all right. We're together, and that's all that counts.' Gradually her sobs ceased. Desperately tired and drained of every emotion but gratitude that they were indeed together, she smiled at him mistily. 'I love you, Adam,' she said fiercely. 'Tomorrow morning you'll stay in bed and I'll bring you your breakfast up heredo you hear?' 'Think you've got the upper hand of me now, do you?' he grinned. 'You might be right. I haven't got the strength of a kitten.' He climbed into bed and she lay down beside him, her head on his shoulder, her body curved against his, drawing warmth and comfort from his presence. Adam switched out the light and they lay quietly in the darkness, his fingers reflectively smoothing the silken fall of her hair. All the doubts and anxieties that had plagued Kathleen the last few days had receded into unimportance. Adam was right; what counted was that they were together ... But this conviction was soon to be sorely tried. The very next day while Kathleen was in the kitchen preparing a mid-morning coffee for her husband, a knock came at the door. Opening it, blinking in the flood of sunlight, she saw Lee standing there. If for a wary instant his eyes were trained on her face in a kind of desperate questioning, she was not aware of it. 'I heard what happened to Adam,' he said gruffly. 'I came to see how he was.' Putting a hand on his arm, she ushered him into the house, touched by this evidence of brotherly concern.

'That's nice of you, Lee,' she said warmly. 'He's pretty sore today, but luckily he wasn't seriously hurt. I'm just taking him a coffee will you join us?' 'Sure, thanks.' He followed her into the kitchen, eyeing the varnished pine cupboards, the rust-coloured tiles on the floor, and the gaily printed curtains. 'You've done a fine job with the old Mill,' he remarked. 'I wouldn't have believed it could look so good.' 'I love it here,' she said simply. 'Do you have any idea who those thugs were last night?' His change of subject caught her off guard. Involuntarily her hand jerked and some sugar sprinkled on the counter. As clearly as though they were in front of her she could see the brutish faces of Adam's attackers, could experience the terrifying menace of their appearance out of the darkness. Unconsciously her face whitened. 'No,' she whispered, 'I'd never seen them before. But if I were to meet one of them twenty years from now, I'd know him.' She shivered. 'It was dreadful, Lee. And Adam refused to go to the police.' 'Why?' Lee barked. She shook her head in bewilderment. 'I don't know. I don't understand it at all.' She put the mugs of coffee on a tray with a plate of biscuits. 'Here, I'll carry that for you,' Lee offered, and again she was pleased by his manner, daring to hope that the attack on Adam had frightened Lee as much as it had her, and that matters would improve between the two brothers.

She led the way up the winding staircase to the bedroom. Adam was reading, propped up in bed against the pillows. Because he had slept poorly, there were dark smudges of weariness under his deep-set eyes, and his face was deathly pale, the flesh of one cheek scraped and bruised. Kathleen gave him a bright smile, trying not to show how worried she was about him. 'Lee's come to see how you are,' she said cheerily, holding open the door as the younger man walked slowly into the room. Forgetful of his injuries, Adam moved to sit up, but a knife-like pain caught him under the ribs and he fell back on the pillow, drawing in a ragged breath. 'Get out, Lee,' he said quietly. Stunned, Kathleen protested, 'Adam, he only wanted to -' 'I said get out!' There was an instant's charged silence, which Lee broke by saying bitterly, 'I should have known better than to come. I guess I was hoping we could patch things upbut you won't give an inch, will you, brother?' With an effort that obviously took every ounce of his strength, Adam pulled himself upright, sweat beading his forehead. 'Don't be such a bloody hypocrite,' he snarled. 'For the last time, get out. And don't bother coming-back do you hear?' 'Don't worry,' Lee said heavily. 'I won't come back. As far as it's humanly possible I plan to forget I ever had a brother.' He pivoted, pushed the door ajar, and ran down the stairs.

With an incoherent sound of distress, Kathleen ran after him, grabbing his sleeve before he could leave. 'Oh, Lee,' she cried, 'I'm so sorry! I don't know why he behaved like that.' He turned to. face her, his pale eyes sombre. 'I warned you about him once, do you remember? You should have listened to me, because it's happening all over again ... he's doing to you and me what he did to Leslie.' She pressed her hand against her mouth, fighting back the scalding tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. 'I'm sorry, too,' he said. 'There's no more use pretending he'll ever accept me at Sevenoaks, is there? Let me give you some advice, Kathie. Get out now, while you still can; there are other places in the world besides this farm, and maybe your only chance of happiness is to leave here.' He patted her shoulder. 'I'm going now, will you be all right?' She nodded. 'Remember what I said ... and if you ever need me, I'm available.' After he had gone, she remained in the living-room for several minutes, staring sightlessly out of the window. Then, as though pulled by a magnet, she slowly climbed the stairs. 'Has he gone?' Adam demanded. 'Yes. And you don't need to worry, he won't be back,' she said, then burst out, 'Adam, why did you do it? He was trying to mend the gap between you, couldn't you see that?' 'Don't be so incredibly naive, Kate. It was all an act and you fell for it, hook, line, and sinker, didn't you?'

Completely baffled, she found herself wondering if she knew her husband at all. Which was the real Adamthe ardent, tender lover who had given her the fulfilment of womanhood; or the bitter, hate-filled man so ruthlessly tearing away all her trust and belief in people? She no longer knew ... Tonelessly she said, 'I think you were right the other night; it is time we left Sevenoaks. It's destroying us, ruining our lives.' 'You're too late. I'm not going to leave now, and give everyone the satisfaction of saying I was scared away. Not after last night. No, Kate, we're here to stay.'

CHAPTER TWELVE THROUGHOUT the next few days Kathleen's natural buoyancy and optimism were hard put to it to survive, and at times, much as she loved Sevenoaks, Adam's decision that they would stay took on the guise of a prison sentence. At one time these acres of woods and fields had given her a sense of freedom and happiness, but now they weighed upon her, for somehow they had come between her and Adam, tearing at the fabric of their marriage, destroying the trust she had so freely bestowed upon him. September had come, with the first hint of coolness in the air, a presage of the long winter ahead. Because Nikki was in school, Kathleen's days were largely empty of companionship, and she was frequently attacked by devastating bouts of despair; it was as though the brief flowering of mutual love she had experienced with Adam had left her vulnerable to a loneliness more acute than any she had ever felt before. For Adam had retreated into a private world and had closed the door behind him. The outward marks of the beating he had received had faded. But within him old wounds had reopened, and almost every night the nightmare of Leslie recurred, so that a constant tiredness caused his footsteps to drag, his limp nearly always noticeable. With a blend of irritability and coolness he effectively kept Kathleen at arm's length, telling her without words that he wanted no help with whatever inward struggle he was having. And because she was too proud to let him see the hurt this caused her, she too withdrew within herself, no longer offering him the love and cherishing she had once given so blithely. There was no open confrontation until one day in mid-September. Kathleen was helping Mrs Hicks make pickles and preserves, so she drove to the main house with Adam in the morningan

unusual procedure for him as he generally went straight to the fields. He parked the car in the shade of the stables, in front of which was also parked a double- horse trailer and a truck, 'Kingsway Farm' blazoned on its side. Lee was standing nearby. Even as she watched, a man in jodhpurs and a peaked cap led a high-stepping black horse from the stable; Sea-witch, one of their prize brood mares. With a muffled exclamation Adam got out of the car, and, pulled by curiosity, Kathleen followed him. With scant ceremony Adam nodded at the man and addressed himself to Lee. 'What's going on here?' he demanded. Lee was visibly disconcerted by his brother's appearance. 'I thought you were supposed to be working on the fences in the east pasture,' he blurted. 'I had to bring Kate here first,' was the brief reply. 'What's up, Lee?' 'I had an offer from Kingsway for Sea-witch, so I decided to sell her.' 'She's one of our best mares. What kind of an offer?' 'A damn good price,' Lee said with apparent calm, although his gaze shifted from Adam to the other man. 'You can load her up now, she's no trouble on the ramp.' Adam held up a restraining hand. 'Just hold it,' he said in a hard voice. 'There's something I want to get straight before that horse goes anywhere. How much are they paying us for her, Lee?' 'Damn it, Adam,' Lee expostulated, 'I told you it was a good price. Isn't that enough? Do I have to spell out every detail?' 'Yeah,' his brother drawled, 'in this case you do.'

With a sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach Kathleen saw how Adam's face had hardened purposefully, heard the edge of steel in his voice. Why did he have to speak to his brother like that? she wondered despairingly. Surely he realised Lee wasn't a schoolboy any more, and that treating him like one would only widen the breach between them. 'Adam -' she started. 'Keep out of this, Kathleen,' he said coldly, not even looking in her direction. 'Come on, Lee, I want to know the price on the mare, and she's not going on that truck until I do.' 'You won't let me do anything on my own, will you?' Lee objected. 'You've got a dictator complex, that's your problem. You might remember I handled the entire farm for three years after Leslie -' 'Shut up!' Adam said savagely. 'Keep Leslie out of this, it's nothing to do with her. And I know only too well you handled the farm I've seen the books.' Lee paled. 'So you've been going through the accounts, have you?' he laughed bitterly. 'You really don't trust me at all, do you, Adam?' 'Noshould I? But let's stick to the point, Lee. I want to see the bill of sale for Sea-witch.' 'No! For once you can try trusting me, brother. After all, it'll be a new experience for you.' 'It's too late for trust, Lee. No bill, no sale. It's that simple,' said Adam, turning to the man patiently holding the mare's bridle. 'You can put her back in the stall. She's staying here.'

Too upset to remain silent any longer, Kathleen interjected, 'You can't do that, Adam -' 'I told you to stay out of this, Kate. I'm making this decision, not you or Lee.' Hatred glittered in Lee's pale eyes. 'I hope she likes being married to a dictator better than I like having one for a brother,' he said venomously. 'For the last time, let me do this on my own.' Not even bothering to acknowledge this plea, Adam repeated, 'Produce that bill, Lee, and do it fast. I'll meet you in the office in ten minutes.' Lee was defeated. Speechless with impotent fury, he turned on his heel and marched towards the house. Adam looked at his wife, his face set and hard. 'Mrs Hicks will be wondering where you are. You'd better go.' 'So now you're telling me what to do,' she said, her voice shaky with an ungovernable mixture of anger, confusion and hurt. 'Kate, don't you start now,' he said wearily. 'Why not?' she responded recklessly. 'You seem to be forgetting I'm a part owner of Sevenoaks too. Don't you think I should have a say in the way things are run around here?' 'That's true enough. But -' 'There's always a "but", isn't there, Adam Deerfield?'

'All I was going to say is that you seem to be mistaking this for some kind of directors' meeting, Kate,' he said, equally angrily. 'In this instance what I say goesdo you hear?' 'Lee's right, you are a dictator. And maybe I don't like being married to one!' Looking at her as though she were a total stranger, Adam said coldly, 'That's your problem, isn't it, Kate?' He laughed at her, an ugly sound devoid of humour. 'Love would appear to be a pretty scarce commodity at Sevenoaks ... I'm sure all three of us could at least agree on that.' Then he too walked away, leaving her alone. She took one step after him, her hand stretched out as though to restrain him, but then it fell to her side. Trembling in every limb, and afraid that her legs would no longer support her, she leaned back against the trailer and closed her eyes. 'You okay, lady?' It was the truck driver. She smiled stiffly. 'Yes, I'm fine.' Wanting only to be gone now before Adam and Lee returned, she added, 'I must get up the house. My husband should be back shortly.' Many times in the next few days she was to regret her hastily spoken words to Adam ... 'Maybe I don't like being married to a dictator ...' she had said in the heat of anger, and now she found it impossible to retract her statement. Adam, by retreating into some secret inner place, had become totally unapproachable to her, on the surface polite enough, but keeping any warmth or openness for Nikki, and Nikki alone. Even worse, Kathleen had begun to dread the nights, for although they -still shared a bed, all the joy she had formerly found in their lovemaking was gone, and all its laughter and sharing had vanished. She could only suppose that for Adam it

provided a physical release; for herself it became a painful ritual, a bitter reminder of a spontaneity and pleasure that seemed gone for ever. Because she was sleeping poorly, violet shadows circled her eyes, and she began to lose weight, the sheen of vivacity that had so heightened her beauty in the early days of her marriage was dulled. She went through the routine of her days mechanically, too proud to cry in front of Adam, too anxious of John's health to confide in him; the burden of what was becoming an intolerable unhappiness rested on her alone. It took conscious effort for her to invite John and Sondra to dinner one evening late in the month, but she had been feeling increasingly guilty that they had never formally visited the Mill. So she cleaned every room thoroughly, prepared an elaborate meal, and spent a considerable while getting ready herself, choosing a dress of rose pink with a draped bodice and flared skirt that minimised her thinness, just as the clever use of make-up masked the shadows under her eyes and the pallor of her cheeks. To her surprise, once they arrived, she enjoyed herself ... it was a relief to have company other than Adam's, and perhaps because of their presence he was unusually affable, treating her with some of the old camaraderie, helping her serve the meal, giving her a casual hug as he poured her wine. And with treacherous speed all her reserve towards him melted away, so that endearments slipped from her tongue; when he made a joke at her expense she teasingly ruffled his hair, her eyes bright as stars with re-awakened joy. After they had eaten, she put Nikki to bed, and then went back to the living room, where Adam had lit a fire; she subsided on to the hearthrug, her body slim and graceful in the softly pleated dress, the glow of firelight highlighting her cheekbones and the blue brilliance of her eyes.

Typically it was Sondra who disrupted the relaxed mood of the foursome. Innocuously enough she said to Kathleen, 'How is Nikki doing in school?' 'I was just talking to her teacher yesterday, and he's pleased with the way she's settled in. The other children appear to have accepted her fairly well, although he did say she doesn't always find it easy at playtime or in the gym. Her written work is really excellent, well above average according to him.' Sondra sniffed. 'She still won't speak a word?' 'Well ... no,' Kathleen replied reluctantly.. 'It seems to me a special school is what the child needs. In fact, a friend of mine is the matron at one, and she's sent me a brochure.' Sondra rummaged in her handbag, then handed an envelope to Kathleen. 'It's in there.' Kathleen opened it, extracting an attractively coloured folder. The school, called Harbour Lodge, was situated on the south shore of Nova Scotia not far from Halifax; its staff were highly trained for coping with children with particular disabilities of hearing, sight, or speech. Thoughtfully she continued to read. 'I really think you should consider Harbour Lodge for Nikki, Adam,' she heard Sondra say. 'No,' Adam said flatly. 'Perhaps we should think about it,' Kathleen said slowly. 'The facilities sound excellent ... it's a boarding school, of course ... and the teachers are specially trained.' ,

'No, Kathleen,' he said, impatience sharpening his tone. 'I vowed I'd never send her away and I meant it.' 'She could come home every weekend.' 'Kate, surely you remember how you hated boarding in Halifax those two years,' Adam said with brutal frankness. 'You were utterly miserable and you know itand you were a teenager. How do you think Nikki would feel going to a strange place all alone?' 'Nonsense, Adam,' Sondra interposed. 'Kathleen was far too sensitive and had to learn to stand on her own two feet. There's no reason to suppose Nikki would react in the same way. A year or two at Harbour Lodge would do wonders for her.' Unwisely Kathleen spoke the thought which seemed to justify at least considering a place such as this school. 'It's all very well just to say "no", Adam, but you know, the last couple of months Nikki has had a very secure and stable life with us, and yet she still hasn't spoken a word. It frightens me, sometimes, that she never will. Maybe specially trained people could help her.' Bleakly Adam replied, 'I thought I could at least depend on you to support my point of view, Kate. I thought you'd understand. I see I was wrong.' Feeling as though a knife was being twisted within her, Kathleen stared at him mutely as he went on, 'The discussion is closed. I won't send Nikki anywhere, not under any circumstances. And to be frank, Sondra, I don't particularly appreciate your interference; Nikki is my child, not yours.' 'I'm sure Sondra only meant to be helpful, son,' John chided mildly. 'She was acting for the best. And I guess I can't help

agreeing with Kathleen, because she's right about Nikki's lack of progress. So perhaps you should reconsider.' 'John, I said the subject was closed,' Adam replied tautly, controlling his temper with a visible effort. 'You've been stubborn since a boy, so I suppose there's no use expecting you to change now,' John said wryly. To Kathleen's relief the conversation drifted to neutral subjects, although she was unable to recapture the brief flowering of intimacy that had occurred between her and Adam. Indeed, he studiously ignored her, so that his accusation about her lack of understanding could only continue to rankleand to hurt. When John and Sondra eventually left, she was secretly relieved, saying goodbye to them at the door while Adam accompanied them to their car. Once they were gone, she thought hopefully as she walked back into the kitchen,. perhaps she and Adam would talk about- the evening in the comfortable manner of other married couples after they had entertained friends. She began rinsing and piling the dirty plates, her ears straining for the sound of his return. But the minutes passed and he did not come. Pulling off her apron, she went through the deserted living room to the front door and peered out into the night. Clouds had obscured most of the stars and the air felt damp and heavy with rain; gusts of wind rattled the leaves of the creeper that clung to the walls of the mill. Fragile-winged moths circled the light, where in repetitious frenzy a hard- shelled beetle flew against the bulb. There was no other sound. John's car had gone, nor was Adam to be seen. She called his name, her voice sounding thin as the night swallowed it, but he did not answer. Could he have-gone with them to the main house? she wondered. It didn't seem very likely.

A shutter was banging against the wall on one of the upstairs windows. As she gradually became aware of this, concern that Nikki might awaken and be frightened overcame her own fears. She went upstairs and managed to close it altogether, then went to the bedroom and undressed, without thinking choosing the diaphanous white nightdress she had worn on her wedding night. Determined not to give way to panic, she got into bed and lay rigidly, trying to distinguish from 'the wild cacophony of the wind any sound of Adam's return. Intermittently dozing and waking, she had no idea how much time had passed when the thud of the front door made her sit straight up in bed. She padded on bare feet across the carpet on to the open veranda that overlooked the living area. 'Adam, is that you?' she called, her fingers gripping the smooth oak stair rail. His face, barely distinguishable in the gloom, looked up at her slim form, ghostly in the white nightdress; her features were a pale oval, framed by the black curls of her hair. 'Yes, who did you think it was?' he said shortly. The relief she had felt knowing he was home safe evaporated in a blaze of fury that shook her to the core and consumed any vestiges of caution she might have had. 'Where were you?' With slow, deliberate steps he climbed the stairs towards her. 'I went for a walk.' 'Did it occur to you that I might have wanted to know where you were?' He had reached the veranda and now walked up to her, his very slowness holding a subtle menace. 'No, I can't say it did.'

'Why were you gone so long? What were you doing?' 'Don't tell me I have to account to you for every moment of my time,' he drawled. 'Adam, I'm your wife!' she exploded, holding her arms straight by her side, her fists clenched into balls, so strong was her urge to strike him, to elicit any kind of reaction other than this frozen calm. 'Surely I have a right to know your whereabouts?' Not for anything would she tell him how worried she had been, how she had pictured him hurt or lost in the rain-driven night. 'I find I'm no longer sure just what your rights are as my wife. You don't seem very happy in the role, do you, Kate? You make that, quite devastatingly plain. And after your performance tonight, I don't feel I can even depend on your loyalty.' 'What do you mean?' 'NikkiNikki and the school. I thought I could at least have counted on your support there. But oh no, you had to side with Sondra. It's an outrageous suggestion to send that child hundreds of miles away from everything and everyone she knows.' 'It's not doing her any good staying here, is it? The trouble with you is that you won't even consider anyone else's point of view, Adam. Your way is the only way.' 'That's not true.' He came a step closer,, so she could see how tightly he was controlling his mouth, how brilliantly his eyes were alight with an anger that rekindled hers. 'Yes, it is!' Now that she had started, all the resentments of the past couple of weeks came pouring out. 'Look at the way you've treated Lee ... he came to visit you after that dreadful fight because he was

worried about youand what did you do? You showed him the door! He has a right to manage some of the business of the farm, like selling Sea- witchbut will you let him? Oh no, not you, Mr High-and- Mighty Adam Deerfield! You're the boss, aren't you? You have to run the whole show, and everyone has to dance to your tune. Well, I for one am tired of it!' She paused for breath, too wrought up to pay any attention to his reaction to her spate of words. 'You've wrecked any chance of a reconciliation with Lee, you're determined to deny Nikki the chance to get better, and now you're beginning to treat me as though I'm just a piece of furnitureit must be convenient for you to have someone to cook your meals and clean your house and look after your daughterbut there's more to marriage than that!' 'Since you're such an expert on marriage,' he said silkily, 'why don't you tell me what more there is to it?' For the first time she faltered. Somewhere in her brain a warning bell rang, and for an instant she was aware of the isolation of the Mill from all other human habitation, of the sheer size of her husband's body standing so close to hers, of her own vulnerability clad as she was in only a flimsy nightgown. But emotion conquered reason, and she swept on, 'Marriage means caring for someone else more than for yourself. And you don't seem to have learned that, Adam. Unless you can control the other person, rule their life, you're not even interested.' She drew in a sudden sharp breath. 'Is that what you did to Leslie? Controlled every minute of her life until she couldn't bear it any longer?' Insight flooded her mind and she went on, speaking almost to herself, 'Leslie wasn't a very strong person, not strong enough to defy you, anyway ... you must have devoured her, body and soul.'

So swiftly that she had no time to evade him he reached over and seized her by the arms, a cruel strength to his grip. 'You little bitch!' he seethed. 'You have it all figured out, haven't you?' Perhaps it was his touch that brought her back to her senses. Utterly appalled by what she had said, she closed her eyes to blot out the vision of his face, hard as stone, and of his eyes, bleak and unforgiving. 'Adam,' she stammered, 'I didn't mean it, I'm sorry. It's just that' 'Forget the excuses, Kate. I'm not interested. I heard only too well what you had to say.' He paused, and with one hand stroked the slender line of her neck and the curve of her breast. She shivered and he gave a little laugh, although his ?yes remained as cold as ice. 'As I'm such a monster, Kate, aren't you afraid of being alone in the house with me?' A pulse began to throb in her throat. She tried to wriggle free of his clasp, her eyes huge in her thin face. 'Don't struggle, my dear,' he said unpleasantly. 'It brings out the worst in me.' He had become a terrifying stranger. Genuinely frightened, Kathleen let herself go limp and relaxed until she felt his fingers slacken their hold. Then she twisted her body as quickly as she could, pulling away from him with all the strength she possessed. But he was too fast for her. His hand closed about her wrist and inexorably he dragged her back. Her breast heaving, she cried, 'Stop it, Adam! You're hurting me.' 'You're too late to cry quarter, little Kate.' His other arm encircled her waist and he strained her body to his, crushing her softness against his hard masculinity.

Unable to move, scarcely able to breathe, she was dimly aware of his lips forcing hers apart. Then she was being lifted, swung into his arms, and carried across the hall to their bedroom. Frantically she tried to writhe away from him, but he flung her across the bed, pinioning her flat with his own weight, his hands urgent and hard on her flesh. For a long moment he stared into her eyes, his own blazing with passion, yet unsoftened by any tenderness of love. Deliberately he lowered his head and began to kiss her, his mouth moving from her lips down her throat, as he slipped the straps of her nightgown from her shoulders. Hours later she was still awake, her eyes straining into the darkness, aching with unshed tears. Her body felt stiff and sore, yet in the end it had betrayed her, melting against Adam's with a desire that had matched his. But their mating could not be called an act of love, she thought miserably, pressing her fingers against her throbbing forehead. And afterwards Adam had left her alone in the vast bed, a betrayal worse than that of her body. He had said savagely, 'I'll sleep in the spare room from now on. Pleasant dreams, my dear.' It was unbearable that all their love and happiness should have come to this. In spite of herself, a sob was wrenched from Kathleen's throat, then another and another. Twisting on to her stomach, she buried her face in the pillow, crying as though her heart would break.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN KATHLEEN heard the screen door slam again. Continuing her work, she called out, 'Nikki darling? You've been in and out all morning, you're going ,to have that door worn out. What do you want, honey?' She walked from the den towards the kitchen. 'Come on, Nik, let's go for a walk, it's a lovely -' she gave a startled gasp as Lee stepped in front of her. His body swayed precariously, his breath reeking of alcohol and his pale eyes filled with menace. 'Oh, Lee!' she exclaimed. 'You frightened me. What are you doing here? Adam's not here, he's outside with -' 'I don't want to see Adam, Kathleen; I'm here to see you. It's all the more convenient that Adam isn't here.' His words filled her with misgivings. She knew she did not want to speak with him. 'Please, Lee, I'm busy. I must check on Nikki.' His large hand roughly grasped her wrist as she tried to walk past him. 'Never mind her, Kathleen. We have important matters to discuss.' His grip did not slacken, even when she strained against him. She stared at him, wide-eyed and suddenly afraid of him. 'Let me go, Lee! You're hurting my wrist.' As suddenly as he had grabbed her, he released his grip. 'I'm sorry, I didn't realise. I need to talk to you. It's important, Kathleen. Please.'

'I suppose so, but ...' 'Oh, come on, Kathleen. I'm your brother -' he placed a heavy arm around her small shoulders, ushered into the living room and sat down beside her, obviously not noticing the shiver of repulsion which ran through her body at his touch. He smiled at her, attempting to convey a sense of friendly relaxation, but the attempt was an empty one, for his nervousness was betrayed by the deep furrowed frown in his forehead and by his fingers drumming incessantly on the arm of the couch. 'What do you want of me, Lee?' Her tone was now as pointed as her question. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, and his eyes narrowing to mere slits. 'Adam is finished with you, isn't he, Kathleen?' Her hand flew to her throat and her face paled. 'You have no right to come here and speak to me like that.' 'Cut it out, Kathleen. I knowI'm no fool, I've got eyes. He treats you with the same contempt that he does the rest of us, now that he has what he wantsSevenoaks.' Lee's eyes blazed with hate. 'I should have stopped him, but when my brother wants something, he'll pay hell to get it. I just wasn't tough enough.' He turned his attention back to Kathleen, staring blankly at her for a moment, as if trying to recall where he was and with whom. 'Anyway, I came to ask you to helpto help me save Sevenoaks. I know you love it as much as I do and now we must work together to save it.' His words fell from his tongue in a clipped staccato rhythm.

Kathleen shook her head. 'I don't understand what you're talking about, Lee. Save Sevenoaks from what?' 'From Adam, of course. I'm asking you to help me save this farm from a ruthless man who'll stop at nothing to gain what he wants.' Lee's voice rose to a pitch that told of the frenzy raging within him. 'He's mad for power, Kathie, he always was. He came back to get Sevenoaks and he used you to get it. Now he doesn't need you any more, he'll do to you what he did to Leslie.' He talked on and on, barely pausing for a breath. 'He only wanted her because she was mine, that's the only reason. It was the same thing with Sevenoakshis share just wasn't enough. Oh no, he wanted it all and he used you to get it. Now he's destroying this place. All that I worked for, the changes I made, they're all being undone.' His eyes darkened and a muscle in his jaw twitched. 'He must be stoppednow, once and for all.' He leaned forward in the chair. 'I want you to sign your share of Sevenoaks over to me. It's the only way he can be stopped the only legal way, that is.' Kathleen shook her head, trying desperately to suppress the fear that was welling within her. 'No, Lee, I won't do that to him. You may be right about his reasons for marrying me, but that doesn't alter the fact that I'm his wife. I won't betray him, LeeI love him too much.' She stood up and walked over to the window overlooking the pond and the field beyond. In the distance she could see Adam working with a yearling on a lunge line. Calmness pervaded her and with back still turned to Lee she said quietly, 'I think you better go now, Lee, we have nothing more to discuss. You have my answer and I won't be changing my mind. Adam will be home in a moment for

lunch,' she lied, 'and I think it would be better if you weren't here when he comes.' 'Love him!' Lee's voice ripped the silence. 'How can you love him, knowing that he married you for this place? You'd settle for that?' He was beside her, his face dark and angry. 'He's had it his way ever since I can remember, but by God, I'm going to stop him!' He fumbled, withdrawing several papers from his breast pocket. 'I want these signed, Kathleen, and I want them signed now!' He thrust a pen into her hand, grabbed her by the arm, and dragged her over to the table. Pulling her arm from his grasp, she moved quickly away from him. 'No! I won't sign it, Lee. You're wasting your time. Now leaveI want you out of my home.' She did not expect what happened next. His hand shot out and struck her, full force, across the face. She staggered and fell against the couch, fighting a rising nausea. Lee loomed over her. 'Oh, you'll sign it, Kathleen. I've run this farm for three years and I don't intend to give it up to Adam. Now sign!' He pulled her to her feet and shoved her roughly back to the table. Uppermost in her mind now was the thought of escape. Somehow she must get to Adam. Without warning she darted around the table, across the room, and out the door. Running wildly down the path to the pond, she heard the thud of Lee's footsteps behind her. Her blood pounded in her ears, as terror held her in its icy grip and she heard her own frantic scream, 'Adam! Help me ... please help me!' Then she stumbled and fell and Lee was upon her. He hauled her to her feet. 'Get back to the Mill. We have business to conclude.' Pushing her ahead of him, he left her no choice but to obey. As

they approached Kathleen saw Nikki staring down at them from the field above the pond. Moving quickly out of Lee's reach, she called out to her. 'Nikki! Go and get Adam! Hurry! Bring Adam home -' Lee's hand covered her mouth and she was hurled into the house. Lee, his eyes glazed and unseeing, was almost speaking to himself now. 'You are going to sign that paper, Kathleen. Sevenoaks is mine. I have a right to it. I've worked for it and everything I've done he's ruined.' It seemed as though he had forgotten her presence. 'After Leslie's death, it fell into my hands. Poor brother Adamso concerned and so broken over the death of his loving wife. That suicide note was a stroke of genius, don't you think?' Kathleen, pale and shaken, fought to retain her balance. 'Oh God, Leewhat are you saying? You wrote that note?' 'Oh, no, the note was authentically Leslie's, but it was not intended as a notification of her suicide. It was the letter she wrote saying she was going to leave me, she couldn't stand it any more.' He moved threateningly close. 'Leslie loved me, not Adam, but he took her from me like he's taken everything I ever wanted. The firstborn son, the big man Adamhow I've hated him! He stole her from me, but she loved menot him, always. After they were married, we were together, Leslie and I; we saw each other as often as we could, whenever it was possible without Adam finding out. We could have gone on indefinitely like that, but oh no, Leslie had to start feeling guilty about what she was doing to poor Adam. Poor Adam, indeedliving with my woman on my farm! Leslie wasn't going to kill herself; instead she intended to tell him everything about us. And she was going to give him his freedom and leave me too. We argued and she ran from me. The carthe brakes something went wrong and she drove over the bluff.'

His fist pounded on the table with brutal force. 'He killed her, blinding her to what we shared. He killed her just as surely as if he pushed her over the bluff himself.' 'How can you say that? You know he was good to her. He would never have hurt her, Lee. He married her because you refused to when she thought she was pregnant with your child.' 'Surebut she wasn't pregnant with my child, was she? It was his kid she finally had, and eventually that kid became more important to her than me.' Aghast, Kathleen leaned against a chair for support. 'What did Nikki see that night, Lee? How much does she know about all this?' He paced back and forth in front of the glass doors, his hands clenched into tight fists. 'I don't know what kind of a game those two are playing, but I know why. That kid can talk, I know it and he knows it. They're just trying to break me down, that's all.' He turned abruptly to Kathleen, possessed by his twisted memories. 'You see the way she acts when I'm aroundhe told her to act that way. They've got it set up between them. I'm not stupid, you know, I can figure it out easily enough. That kid was in the house when I fought with Leslie. She saw me strike her and she saw her run from mefrom me! Adam made her afraid of me she was never afraid of me before he took her from me. I only hit her to make her see the sense of what I was saying she was going to leave me too ...' Kathleen sobbed brokenly. 'Dear God, Nikki witnessed that? How would you expect her to react towards you, Lee, after that? Do you have any idea what you've done to that child?'

He continued to move about the room erratically, a spate of words still tumbling from his mouth. 'But that kid knows. She saw her mother run from me and she saw what I had to do. Adam deserved it; it was a just payment for everything he took from me.' He turned and stared glassily at Kathleen, his voice a dull monotone. 'I burned his house, you know, burned it to the ground just a month after they moved in. He was left with nothing but the ashesthe high and mighty Adam Deerfield, living up on the mountain, thinking he was above everyone else. Well, I brought him to his knees, yes, I did. I brought him down off that mountain of his, and that note of Leslie's did it. I just kept it until the right moment, then I threw it in his face and watched him break into a million pieces. What else could an honourable man like Adam Deerfield do but leave town, knowing what he'd done to his own wife?' He paced back and forth relentlessly. 'I destroyed his letters to John, of course, but still he came back. Can you imagine the blind gall of that man, coming back here after that, knowing what everyone believed of him?' 'And you made sure people wouldn't forget, didn't you, Lee?' Her voice was- a broken whisper and for the first time in many minutes he seemed to recognise her presence. He walked over to her, moving stealthily. 'Of course I told them the truth about my brother and what he did to his wife. What would you have me do, Kathleen, lie to protect him? I'll force him to leavethis time for good. Even the beating I arranged didn't work, it just made him more determined to stay. But this time he will goand it'll be all quite legal.' She stared at him incredulously. 'You did that to Adam? You had those men beat him?' She closed her eyes against the memory of that dreadful night. 'Lee, they could have killed him!'

'Perhaps it's a pity they didn't.' Adam's voice, deep and resonant, filled the room. He stood in the doorway, sweat dripping from his forehead, his bare chest heaving; he had obviously run the distance from the field. His face pale, and his muscles taut, he continued in a hoarse whisper. 'What in hell are you doing here, Lee?' Startled by Adam's appearance, Lee tightened his already iron grip of Kathleen's wrist, and wound his hand in her thick swathe of hair. Kathleen cried out in pain, reaching out to her husband. 'Oh, Adam, pleasemake him leave me alone. I won't sign it, I won't!' she sobbed, as Lee dragged her back against him. Adam moved menacingly closer, his eyes narrow and glinting with controlled anger, his body poised like a coiled spring. 'Take your hands off her, Lee.' 'Move any closer, Adam, and you know she'll get hurt. So stay back. When I get what I came here for, then you can have her.' He half pushed, half dragged Kathleen over to the table, not for a single moment taking his eyes from Adam, who followed him with movements as instinctively smooth as those of a mountain cat stalking its prey. Lee thrust a pen into Kathleen's trembling fingers. 'Sign it!' In a burst of defiance she flung it across the room and crying openly now, tried to twist out of Lee's hold. 'I won't sign it. I'll never sign it. Nothing you can do will ever make me sign it.' Her voice, barely audible, diminished almost to a whisper; dizzy and sick, she fell back against Lee, her body limp.

'By God, you'll sign it, or I'll break your stupid little neck. I don't intend to lose what I've fought for.' He swung her around, lifted his hand and slapped her across the face. In the few seconds he took to raise his hand, he released his grip on her wrist, and the force of the blow threw her against the rough-hewn stone of the fireplace. The world became a wash of fluid movement before Kathleen's eyes, everything connected in a moving, melting motion. A choking cry of pain broke from her throat as movement was superimposed on movement ... Lee's threatening hand, his face filled with a horrifying and destructive hatred ... Adam, an animal groan torn from him, throwing himself at Lee with terrifying intention ... then finally the inevitable blackness ... the release from pain.

Lost and alone, she wandered along the road, dusty in the afternoon heatwandering and searching, quietly for a time, then hysterically. She wanted to find Adam. She had to find himto tell him. But she couldn't remember what it was that she needed so badly to say and that frightened her, even more than the fact that she couldn't find him. Blind with fear, she started to run, but her legs, leaden and awkward, would not permit her the movement for which she longed. Then she saw him, far ahead, standing there in the road looking up at Sevenoaks. Calling to him, she increased her effort to reach him. 'Adam! Adam!' He turned and looked down the road in her direction. Surely he must see me, she thought desperately. She heard her own voice calling over and over again, falling unheard, swallowed by the heavy silence of the hot afternoon. 'I must reach

him. He needs to know,' she muttered to herself as she struggled along the road. She saw him turn from Sevenoaks, pick up his suitcase and begin to walk down the road, away from the home he loved so much, and a shrill scream, drawn out in longing, 'Adam!' For a moment she thought he had heard her, for he turned and stared at her, but she ceased her struggles and collapsed in a tired heap in the centre of the road. She saw the pain and hurt in his face. He was walking on, away from her, and there was nothing she could do or say to stop him, to make him want to return to her. Her body was racked with broken sobs. 'Please, Adam, oh, please. Don't go away. Don't leave me ... I love you so ... I love you ...' Firm but gentle hands held her close as she felt the soothing coolness of a wet cloth on her forehead. Words mingled with words, their meaning lost in the pressure in her head, but gradually the tension drained from her; the thrashing of her body ceased and she relaxed, surrendering to the soft and quietly reassuring words and caresses. She tried to open her eyes but could not and felt herself drift into darkness again. This time it was not the terrifying pitch black which reached out. with icy fingers to grip her very soul, but a soft warm dark that comforted and held her secure. She rested from her struggles at last. 'I'll never leave you, Kate. Never.' Adam's words echoed through the darkness she inhabited, reached her, and gave her the peace and completeness she sought.

Kathleen slowly opened her eyes. The room was dark, except for the single light which shone in the corner. She turned her head

carefully for, although the terrible pain and pressure had gone, it still ached. Adam sat slumped in the chair a few feet from their bed, his golden head buried in his hands. He looked so beaten, so tired and worn. 'Adam ...' she whispered. He looked up, relief visibly flooding his lined and haggard face. She reached out to him, but her thin hand fell weakly to the bed. In a single movement he was beside her, holding her hand in his. 'Oh, my Kate, thank God! You're going to be all right. And so is Nikki. She's asleep now, but she spent most of the afternoon talking up a storm with John. The doctors were right, she did start talking as if she'd never stopped. It was too bad that something like this had to happen to make her speak again.' She silenced his rush of words by placing a finger to his lips. 'I ... love ... you, Adam Deerfield ... I love you. I thought ... that you were leaving me. I saw you walking away from me ... walking down the road, away from me ... .' Her lips were dry and her throat was dry and her voice was husky. 'I want you to stay with me, Adam. I don't want you to go away from me again.' Sighing, Adam rested his head on her breast. Her fingers gently stroked his hair. When he lifted his face to hers she saw once again the miracle of his love for her. The pain, the hurt, and the torment of the past months and years were gone. He held her hand to his face, pressing it against his cheek, as he whispered, 'Not to worry, my Katewe've come home, you and I.'