This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
Written by Jonathan Yuen
Based on an idea by Aqeel Mohammed and Jonathan Yuen
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INT. FIRST MINNEAPOLIS BANK VAULT - 9:52 AM D’ARTAGNAN (V.O.) Killin’s a dirty bu’ness. But’s only thing I know how to do. Enter D’ARTAGNAN McCAFFREY, 38, a shorter than average, African American man. He looks wiry and not so strong. Standing at a 5 feet, 6 inches, 120 pounds, he’s doesn’t look like the typical thug. Cue music - comedic and awkward. Like the Sanford and Sons theme. SLOW ZOOM OUT FROM D’ARTAGNAN’S FACE TO SHOW HIS SURROUNDINGS But he’s surrounded by dead bodies in the dark vault. The sheen of the original steel and other metal alloys is displaced by the sheer amount of blood everywhere. Smells like blood and gunpowder. Dead security guards and dead criminals are all around him, and his face is covered in blood. As is the vault. The vault is empty, no cash, no gold. D’Artagnan, wearing his signature green shirt, holds a pistol in each of his hands, both smoking. Both are all out of bullets. SUPERIMPOSE: March 4th, 1987 Sirens are heard blaring outside, with a voice over a loudspeaker. COP 1 (O.S.) Please come out of the vault with your hands behind your head. Drop all your weapons. D’Artagnan drops his weapons and steps out of the vault with his hands behind his head. Onto a red carpet. Like the Oscars. He chuckles a bit to himself. D’ARTAGNAN I did it out o’ order. (smiles)
VIEW FROM THE BANK VAULT OUT - SEE OUR HERO AGAINST LOTS OF COPS. LOTS OF THEM. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) This’ll be good. INT. PRISON CELL - 11:09 AM SUPER: May 18th, 1997 TOBY RITENOUR, 28, sits at a table with an older D’Artagnan, who’s in an orange prisoner’s jumpsuit. He looks good in it. He’s sporting an afro now too, in contrast to his shorter cut 10 years ago. Toby is dressed in work casual clothes. A cheap jacket and tie. Very bland colors. Like vanilla. Contrasting with the bright orange. TOBY So you... stepped outside without a fight? D’ARTAGNAN Well, If ya’ lose, ya’ lose. I ain’t dying with no chance o’ livin. TOBY But if you had a chance, you would’ve taken it? D’ARTAGNAN Yeah I’d like to think so. TOBY So what happens next? EXT. FIRST MINNEAPOLIS BANK - DAY - 1987 D’Artagnan gets pushed against a police car. The blood all over him makes him slippery. The cop struggles to keep lifting him up due to the slipperiness.
The cop isn’t particularly fit. A regular white man, low ranking cop, balding hair, mustache. Ginger. COP 2 (frustrated) Guy’s like a damn penguin- I need help! COP 1 What are you doing, stop fuckin’ round, Bill! BILL I’m tryin’, I’m trying’. Bill, the cop, finally restrains D’Artagnan. D’Artagnan falls to the floor. His chin hits the ground with a loud thump. Bill begins to read the Miranda rights out loud to D’Artagnan. He isn’t paying attention. He’s heard it all before. BILL (CONT’D) Do you understand? Bill leans over and makes sure that D’Artagnan isn’t dead or anything. BILL (CONT’D) Do you understand? D’ARTAGNAN Yeah, yeah, I got it, sir. Bill opens the door to the car and looks inside. Pristine and clean, black leather. BILL Can I get a hose over here? One of the cops tosses him a hose connected to the hydrant. They were using it to clean the blood off the streets. Bill hoses down the blood off the hood of his car. He looks over at D’Artagnan. He tilts his head. D’Artagnan nods.
Bill turns his hose over to D’Artagnan and starts to clean off the blood. The cops stare at him, particularly the black ones. COP 1 Bill... that’s not... you should stop... BILL (oblivious) What? What’s wrong- oh. Bill notices the whole police force looking at him. D’Artagnan giggles. BILL (CONT’D) Oh, come on! D’ARTAGNAN (V.O.) Bill’s a nice guy. We been friends since then. Not a lucky fella though. His life story’s... unfortunate. INT. BILL’S BEDROOM - NIGHT - 1989 Bill walks up the stairs, it’s late and he just got off early from work. He hears rustling in his bedroom and he turns on the light. BILL Baby, you in there? Bill finds his wife in bed with another man. BILL (CONT’D) Oh, come on! EXT. MINNEAPOLIS STREETS - DAY - 1974 Bill rides in his crappy El Camino, painted a faded green color. He gets sideswiped by two cars at once. BILL Oh, come on! INT. POLICE STATION - 1969 A cop accidentally drops his cigarette on a pile of papers.
They’re Bill’s papers. COP 3 Oops! The papers light on fire and burn. BILL Oh, come on! D’ARTAGNAN (V.O.) You get the idea, right? Back to wheneverINT. BILL’S POLICECAR - DAY - 1987 D’Artagnan slips around the inside of the police car. Like a washing machine, the constant bumps in the road send D’Artagnan rotating around the backseat like a spincycle. The hosing didn’t help. At all. D’ARTAGNAN Hey what kinda cop are you? BILL What do you mean, what kinda cop? D’ARTAGNAN You seem a bit old for the job, and you don’t seem that smart. BILL Oh shut up. Bill covers up the screen between the front and back seats with a piece of cardboard. INT. PRISON CELL - 11:20 AM TOBY Wait, so what type of criminal are you? D’ARTAGNAN What, they don’t have a file for this type of shit? (chuckles) TOBY Nope.
D’ARTAGNAN I was a killa. A hitman. The guy they called to clean up the guys who didn’t listen no more. I solved problems. INT. DARK ROOM - PAST A man is drinking and stumbling through a room. He crashes onto a bed and relaxes. He exhales and burps. D’Artagnan’s been in the background for a while. He looks young, but still has the same enthusiasm as we know. He’s just been patiently waiting in his bedroom. There are many signs of entry. The locks on the door are shot off, the windows are broken, almost all warning signs of a home invader are there. The guy is just that drunk. D’Artagnan shoots him in the forehead. Blood splatters onto the ceiling and makes a butterfly like shape. D’Artagnan observes it for a while. INT. PRISON CELL TOBY A hitman? Really? D’ARTAGNAN Yeah, man, I was a killin’ machine. EXT. MINNEAPOLIS STREETS - DAY - PAST D’Artagnan, cigar in mouth, shoots an AK-47 from inside a red convertible. Blood sprays everyway due to the bullets. The rattling bullets go in slo motion, untilThe AK jams. D’Artagnan sighs, nonchalantly, and drops the AK in the backseat. He disappears from view, and reappears with grenades in hand. He throws them.
They go off. A finger lands on the windshield. INT. PRISON CELL TOBY Did you ever try to do anything else with your life? D’ARTAGNAN Well I tried...robberyINT. DELI - NIGHT - PAST D’Artagnan and a fellow criminal stick up a deli owner. A man is outside as a lookout. The criminal looks at his shoes, notices his laces are untied, and goes down to tie them. D’Artagnan looks at him andThe owner has a shotgun in hand. D’ARTAGNAN Shit. He blows the thug away and D’Artagnan shoots him square in the head. Blood comes out. Lands on the sandwiches the guy was making. The lookout runs in. LOOKOUT What the fuck happened, D? D’ARTAGNAN Uh... This ain’t how it looks. INT. PRISON CELL D’ARTAGNAN Didn’t work out so well though. I tried burglary... INT. SUBURBAN HOME - NIGHT - PAST D’Artagnan sneaks into a house. He looks around for things to steal. He’s not the best thief.
Holding a giant TV and trying to not make a sound, D’Artagnan fails and drops it. D’ARTAGNAN Shit. The owner of the house stands in the stairway and looks at D’Artagnan. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Uhh.... D’Artagnan shoots the homeowner. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Shit. INT. PRISON CELL D’ARTAGNAN ...Wasn’t so hot at that either. I tried selling insurance, though. EXT. OUTSIDE A SUBURBAN HOME - NIGHT D’Artagnan rings a doorbell. He’s wearing a nice, crisp suit, with a nice fedora, while holding a briefcase. It’s also 12 AM. An old man opens the door. D’ARTAGNAN Sir, I’m here to make sure that you live life as safely as possOLD MAN Do you know what time it is? Why are you pricks ringin’ my doorbell this late atD’Artagnan shoots the old man in the head. D’ARTAGNAN Shit. Someone else in the house screams. D’Artagnan bolts out, dropping his briefcase and letting his fedora fly off his head.
INT. PRISON CELL D’ARTAGNAN Yeah.. That didn’t work out. TOBY So the only thing you can do is...kill? D’ARTAGNAN Hey man, if you can do something real good, you do it. TOBY When did you figure out that you were good at this? How did you even figure it out? Did you like go hunting with your dad or something? EXT. FOREST - DAY - PAST D’Artagnan is a boy and has his eye’s aimed down a sight. He tracks his target, a fat, old, white man running with a suitcase down a hill. He breathes in. The fat man runs. He exhales. He pulls the trigger. Fat man falls. D’Artagnan’s father, MANNY, downs a beer and pats him on the back. INT. PRISON CELL D’ARTAGNAN Eh, something like that. Why you even here, boy? Askin’ all these questions. TOBY Well, (beat) I’m here to do some research. We want to do a biopic, you see?
D’ARTAGNAN What’s that? Some sorta surgery? TOBY (laughs) No, no. It’s a biographical picture. D’Artagnan just stares at him. Toby gets the point. TOBY (CONT’D) It’s like a movie about your life. (beat) At least the important parts. D’ARTAGNAN Like when I got caught? TOBY Yeah, when you got caught, when you killed your first man, things like that. D’ARTAGNAN I’m that entertainin’? Like I’m Muhammad Ali? D’Artagnan is giddy with joy. He’s never felt this important in his life. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Oh man, what do you want to know first? I’ll tell you everythang. TOBY Why don’t you tell me how you got caught? D’ARTAGNAN The whole thing? From the beginning? Like you talkin bout from inside the vault or you talking bout like the plannin and shit like that? TOBY Everything!
INT. OTHER SIDE OF THE PRISON CELL A middle aged woman sits at a table and observes the scene that’s taking place through a one way mirror. HELEN, 54, is sitting next to BILL, 58. Both are dressed very sharply in monochrome black and white suits. Helen looks at a bright blue rotary phone next to her on the table. It’s not red. She’s not Batman. It’s ringing. Ring. Ring. BILL Aren’t you going to pick it up? HELEN No, I like to build the suspense. Helen picks up the receiver. VOICE Ma’am we have a situation. All of our agents are compromised and cannot be moved without charges around the city being detonated by an unknown terrorist groupHELEN So who are the agents we can move? VOICE -I’m afraid all we have is the new transfer. Our paperwork didn’t file through that fast. HELEN Right. (turns to Bill) INT. PRISON CELL - PRISONER’S SIDE Bill bursts into the room, he looks a bit disheveled. Bill leans in and whispers: BILL We have an emergency. I’m gonna need D’Artagnan out of here and into my custody.
TOBY I need to figure this case out, Bill. What do you need him for? BILL We’re all outta agents, all we got is me and him. TOBY I can’t leave this, not now. Not when I’m so damn close. D’Artagnan looks at the two men with suspicion. D’ARTAGNAN Bill, what you guys talkin’ bout? BILL We have to get you outta here and onto a case. D’ARTAGNAN A case? BILL Like we’ll be doing things you’d be doing before, but for the FBI. D’ARTAGNAN Will I get time off for good behavior? (smiles) BILL Like always. (smiles) EXTREME CLOSEUP ON TOBY’S REPORT- D’ARTAGNAN’S SENTENCE IS 765 YEARS D’ARTAGNAN Well I’m in. (turns to Toby) I guess the biopic can wait, huh? TOBY No, no it can’t. I’m comin’ with you guys. Toby shuffles and gathers his papers. He crams them into his suitcase. Bill shrugs. Bill walks back to the room to discuss with Helen. INTERCUT WITH:
INT. OTHER SIDE OF THE PRISON CELL BILL Is this okay with you? HELEN Yeah, yeah, take him. He’s not on our payroll anyway. You know what they call his kind... BILL Freelance? HELEN Expendable. (laughs) Bill disappears behind the door. He peers back in. BILL Any leads? HELEN Audio tape’s waiting at drop off point. Usual place. BILL I’m new here. Helen looks at him, confused. BILL (CONT’D) What’s the usual place, Helen? HELEN (annoyed) Oh, Smoovie’s. Down at 57th and Walsh. INT. PRISON “CHECKOUT” - DAY D’Artagnan gathers his clothes in a bucket. He thanks the clerk. CLERK Yeah, we even cleaned the stuff too. Blood’s mighty hard to wash off, you know that. D’ARTAGNAN Yeah thanks Tom. Glad to be using this again.
D’Artagnan strips in front of him and puts on his green shirt and American Flag pants. The clerk looks vaguely uncomfortable. D’Artagnan doesn’t have scars on him at all. Flawless skin. Toby looks uncomfortable too. D’Artagnan snaps on his belt. His buckle is an American Eagle engraving. SFX: Eagle screeches in the background. EXT. OUTSIDE GITTON J. GITTON PRISON - DAY - 12:20 PM D’Artagnan rubs his wrists. D’ARTAGNAN Those things chafe you know. BILL Be quiet, D, or I’m gonna have to stick you back in Gitton. They’re outside of the prison and next to Bill’s car. It’s the same El Camino. D’Artagnan is very surprised. D’ARTAGNAN Really, Bill? It’s been sum’n like 20 years man. BILL Cars cost money. D’ARTAGNAN Ah yeah, you don’ believe in dat. BILL Get i- oh I almost forgot. We have to do that swearing. D’ARTAGNAN Yeah, yeah, go on. BILL Do you, D’Artagnan McAffrey, submit to the force of the Federal Bureau of Investigation as your superior? D’ARTAGNAN Yes.
BILL Do you also swear to uphold the law as long as you are in it’s jurisdiction and in your handler’s jurisdiction? D’ARTAGNAN Yes. BILL Alright, then we’re in tip top shape. Try not to run away. D’ARTAGNAN A man is always bound by his contracts. Bill gets in the driver’s seat. The interior is actually pretty okay. It’s hot though, the sweltering heat from outside made the insides that way. A nice summer heat. D’Artagnan sits down in the back and yelps. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Ah! Don’t you got one of dem silver things that cover the heat?! Damn its hot! Bill smiles. He’s enjoying this. Toby sits down, clearly uncomfortable from the heat. Bill takes off his jacket and unbuttons his white collared Tshirt. He puts on his aviators to block the glare of the sun and begins driving. MUSIC: FUNK INT. BILL’S EL CAMINO TOBY So hey, what happened with the bank? Tell me? For the biopic. D’ARTAGNAN Right, so one dayEXT. BRAZIL ROAD - MINNEAPOLIS- 1987 - BEFORE THE BANK D’Artagnan, in his signature outfit, cigar in mouth, struts down the sidewalk next to Brazil Road.
SLOW MOTION D’ARTAGNAN (V.O.) -I was just goin’ bout my bu’ness and takin’ an order from my agency. D’Artagnan walks to a payphone terminal and picks up the phone. He enters some coins and dials: 555-2313 D’ARTAGNAN This is D checkin’ in. Any orders? OPERATOR Yeah we actually got a message for ya’ - says to meet him at the Mojave Diner at 4 PM. D’ARTAGNAN Alright- what’s the pay? OPERATOR Standard rate, 4,000 per halfa. D’ARTAGNAN Headin’ there now. Thanks. OPERATOR No problem. D’Artagnan hangs up and goes on his way. He pats himself down to make sure he has everything. House keys, sunglasses, car keys, wallet, pistol. He takes the pistol out to examine it, making sure he has rounds. People scream and clear the street. D’ARTAGNAN Oops. INT. MOJAVE DINER - DAY - 3:50 PM D’ARTAGNAN (V.O.) This guy I met here was a lil bit sketchy, but most o’ the guys you see in the business are, anyway. No harm done, he jus tol me errything I needed to know. D’Artagnan is patiently sitting down in a diner, smoking his cigar. He’s playing with his coffee, swirling a twirler, trying to make weird shapes.
A man walks into the diner. The diner is silent. ZOOM IN ON THE ENTRYWAY A man appears. GUSTAV MARKOV, 43. Looks like the typical Eurotrash businessman, colorful suit, fancy tie, ponytail, glasses. He holds a briefcase. He peruses the diner and sits down at another table next to a gentleman named Sid. GUSTAV Ahh, we meet at last. You are D, correct? SID What? Can you get your own seat? GUSTAV Oh, I’m sorry, excuse me. My name is Gustav Markov. And I want you to handle something for me. SID I don’t know who you think I am, but I’m not doing anything for you. GUSTAV Ah, playing hard to get. I understand. In my briefcase here, (brings up suitcase onto table) I have 2.4 million dollars. More than enough to cover your working rate, yes? SID Mister, I don’t understand. I think you have the wrong guy. D’Artagnan’s been giggling the whole time to himself. Gustav still doesn’t understand. He’s getting angry. GUSTAV (angry) I don’t understand your damn country! I come in, I expect good service, and you just ignore me? Who do you think I am? I would kill you with this suitcase right now, but I do not wish to cause a scene!
Gustav takes a breath and sits down. The whole diner is silent. They are scared. D’Artagnan walks over to the table. D’ARTAGNAN Sorry, Mr. Gustav, but I think that I’m your man. GUSTAV Oh. He looks at Sid. GUSTAV (CONT’D) OH. I apologize many times. Sid shrugs and continues drinking his coffee. Gustav and D’Artagnan sit at their table. D’Artagnan continues to play with his coffee. D’ARTAGNAN So the way this works is you give me some down payment and I give you my services. What’s the job. GUSTAV Well the job for you is fairly simple. We want you to accompany us as protection, and help us with some loading. D’ARTAGNAN Well, Mr. Gustav, I’m not a bodyguard. GUSTAV Well, when I say bodyguard, I mean...the other thing. Me and my friends don’t like our hands dirty. We’d prefer you do it. D’ARTAGNAN Oh, it’s not a quiet job? GUSTAV You know how we Europeans like it. Loud and hard.
D’ARTAGNAN Well it seems like something I can do. What you plannin on running into. GUSTAV Bank security. D’ARTAGNAN Awright, no problem. When and where? GUSTAV First Minneapolis Bank, tomorrow at 9 AM. Almost an hour of preparatory time, then we go. D’ARTAGNAN See you then. D’Artagnan drinks all his coffee in one go, takes the suitcase and leaves the diner. Gustav looks pleasantly pleased with himself when he realizes that without the suitcase, he has no money to pay the bill D’Artagnan left. EXT. OUTSIDE SMOOVIE’S - DAY - 12:45 PM The El Camino pulls up. Bill turns to Toby and D’Artagnan. Both are locked in as D’Artagnan tells his story and Toby listens intently. BILL Hey, stay put. Bill exits the car and walks into Smoovie’s. Smoovies is a rough looking dive bar, with a giant neon sign outside that reads Smoovie’s, with an attractive neon lady on the bottom swigging a beer. INT. SMOOVIE’S Bill walks into the Bar. It’s daytime so it’s not packed at all. He goes to the bartender and BILL I’ll have a Silky Tanner please. Extra ice. BARTENDER Sorry sir, but we don’t serve drinks until 6 PM.
BILL Oh, right, it’s not Silky Tanner. Shit, what’s the codeword. BARTENDER Ah, Bill, right? Helen called ahead and said you’d want something. The bartender pulls out a manila envelope and a huge metal briefcase. BARTENDER (CONT’D) In this (envelope), there is the briefing, and the record tapes of the conversations we had earlier. In this (briefcase), you have your standard firearms, but you already seem to have one, so I’ll put it back. BILL No, no, I need an extra. BARTENDER How many? BILL Two. BARTENDER Well, we have a standard issue Glock 22, and we have a Smith and Wesson 29 here. The Glock 22 is just your run-of-the-mill standard issue firearm, but the Smith and Wesson 29 is something else. A gun that movie stars use, a beauty. Its stainless steel reflects Bill’s old face. It’s a glorious weapon. BARTENDER (CONT’D) Her name’s Delilah. BILL Delilah. Well I’ll be damned. Bill takes everything and walks out of the bar. He waves back and enters the car.
INT. BILL’S EL CAMINO Bill takes out Delilah. He shows it to D’Artagnan, holding like a precious piece of jewelry. If jewelry could kill people that is. BILL D, this is Delilah. Delilah, D. She’s yours. D’Artagnan accepts with glee. He holds her delicately, and accepts the copious amounts of ammunition that Bill hands over to him. Bill pockets the Glock. TOBY Don’t I get one? BILL (annoyed) No you don’t get one. Bill takes some tapes out of the manila envelope and puts them in his tape player. It begins playing. VOICE 1 Hello. Is this the federal bureau of investigating? VOICE 2 Yes. What is this concerning? VOICE 1 We would appreciate if you and your agents did not move for the forseeable future. As we are willing to detonate bombs laid throughout the city, if they do. Silence. VOICE 1 (CONT’D) Thank you for your agreement, and I will call again when we see fit. The tape stops. TOBY How do you even know that it’s a credible threat? Bill and D’Artagnan ignore him.
D’ARTAGNAN Hey that guy sounded like ol’ Gustav. BILL Who’s Gustav? D’ARTAGNAN Guy that organized the bank job. ‘87. BILL Then you got a lead? D’ARTAGNAN I didn’t have jack shit for you last time, what makes you think I have shit now? BILL You got a gun now, don’t you? Get “jack shit”. D’Artagnan ponders over the different ways he could get information. He taps Bill on the shoulder. D’ARTAGNAN Head to Clearview and Ribbon. (turns to Toby) Now where was I... INT. FIRST MINNEAPOLIS BANK - DAY - 9 AM D’Artagnan steps into the bank, wearing a Yankees cap and a red bandana over his face. Gustav is on line, and his Eurotrash goons are easily visible around the bank. D’Artagnan eyes the vault which has a really large lock and is in plain view. SLOW MOTION D’Artagnan takes out an AK-47, which was cleverly concealed in his Patriot Pants. He takes aim at the security guards. He counts 12 in the main room. Good thing the carpets red. People scream and duck or run for cover. The eurotrash play along.
Guard 1 takes out his pistol, but it’s too late. A bullet digs through his skull. D’Artagnan pivots. Guard 2 shoots and misses, hitting the wall’s plaster behind D’Artagnan. D’Artagnan doesn’t miss. The bullet smashes through the guard’s teeth, and the spray of blood goes over the carpet. Carpet’s red though, so it’s fine. As most of the guards have readied their weapons, D’Artagnan sprays in their direction and slides behind cover, a potted plant. His spray knocks down 4 of them. He kills another, and he runs out of bullets. He ejects his magazine and throws it at a nearby security guard. By some fortuitous luck, the security guard accidentally fumbles and shoots himself in the foot. D’Artagnan reloads and kills him. He aims and fires in quick succession, killing the rest of the guards. He stands up. END SLOMO. D’Artagnan heads over to the teller booth. D’ARTAGNAN ‘Scuse me, miss, can I get in that vault? The teller nods, and gets out of the Teller booths. She goes to the giant vault and slowly enters the combination. D’Artagnan nods his head towards the Eurotrash, and they get up. D’Artagnan counts the dead bodies with his hands. 11. D’Artagnan drops as a bullet pierces through one of Gustav’s buddies.
He falls to the floor bleeding. D’Artagnan shoots at the guard, but he has already taken cover. D’Artagnan sighs and picks up the bleeding guy. He puts him in a hold and holds the AK to the guy’s head. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Come out, or I’m gonna shoot this guy. The security guard slowly steps out. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Drop your gun. Guard drops it. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Gotcha. (smiles) D’Artagnan fires and gets the Guard. GUSTAV “Gotcha.” I like that. Gustav walks over to D’Artagnan. GUSTAV (CONT’D) Hey D! Gotcha! Gustav shoots D’Artagnan with a tranquilizer dart. FADE TO: INT. ORDERS OFFICE - DAY - 1:20 PM TOBY Then you woke up and you were caught? D’ARTAGNAN Yessir. Bill looks around the office. It looks like a normal office. Nothing really stands out. He turns to D’Artagnan. BILL You sure this is the right place, D?
D’ARTAGNAN Right, lemme handle this. D’Artagnan walks over to the main desk. A man sits there, pretty old, glasses on, eating a donut with a coffee mug next to him. He has a lot of cabinets behind him and seems to be very organized. A radio is playing a James Brown song. D’Artagnan puts Delilah on the table. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Hey, Sheldon. SHELDON Oh, why are you here? Last I heard, you were supposed to be in prison till...forever. D’ARTAGNAN Good behavior. Hey you have the records from 1987? SHELDON Told you before and I’ll tell you again, I don’t have those damn records. D’ARTAGNAN Now now, Sheldon, I know you a very, very organized guy. SHELDON Well I don’t have those records. I threw them out the day after. I swear. I don’t even know any guy named Gustav! You can even ask boss man. D’ARTAGNAN Why you lyin’ to me, Sheldon. D’Artagnan plays with Delilah. SHELDON Your gun doesn’t scare me, D’Artagnan. D’ARTAGNAN Well it’s not the gun that makes the man...
D’Artagnan grabs Sheldon and throws him onto the ground. Toby is in disbelief. Bill isn’t surprised. He knows the routine. BILL Try not to kill him. Bill grabs a nearby magazine and begins reading. James Brown is still playing. D’ARTAGNAN Where the records, Sheldy? SHELDON I don’t have them! D’ARTAGNAN Why you lyin?! D’Artagnan grabs Delilah off the table and shoves the barrel into Sheldon’s temple. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) If you don’t want your skull to be in little bitty pieces, I’d tell me where the damn records are. SHELDON You’re crazy! BILL You manage hitmen. Are you surprised that at least one of them is crazy? D’ARTAGNAN Damn Bill. That hurt. (turns back to Sheldon) Tell me. Sheldon shakes his head furiously. D’Artagnan shoots near his head. The wooden floor explodes near Sheldon. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Sheldon you know I don’t miss twice. SHELDON Okay, okay! I’ll get them! D’Artagnan releases Sheldon and he shakily gets up. Sheldon fixes his outfit and walks over to the fishtank next to his coffee.
He reaches under it and turns something. A compartment opens. Sheldon takes the key from the compartment and walks over to the motivational poster across from his desk. He peels it up and a safe lies behind it. He opens the safe with the key and in it, is a piece of paper. A tiny shred. Sheldon reads the paper and does a 180. He drops to his knees and knocks on the floor. He picks up a loose plank and in it is a tin box. In the tin box is a key. He walks back to his desk, where the compartment was. He reaches under the compartment and pulls a switch. Another compartment pops out. It’s locked. Sheldon opens it with a key. D’ARTAGNAN You that scared? That’s like 3 keys, Sheldy. SHELDON Boss man didn’t want anyone to know. Sheldon takes out a sheet of paper. It’s a log filled with numbers. The phone log from that week in ‘87. D’Artagnan snatches it and begins reading. Sheldon sits down at his desk and exhales. Toby is completely speechless. The door opens again. The bell on top jingles. HITMAN 1 Hey Sheldon what’s- what the fuck-
The hitman pulls out his pistol. He’s immediately shot, square in the forehead, by D’Artagnan and Delilah. Blood sprays over the walls. SHELDON What the fuck you think you are doing, D’Artagnan?! D’ARTAGNAN He was gonna shoot. BILL He was. Toby is even more speechless. SHELDON Goddammit, D’Artagnan. D’Artagnan gives Bill the piece of paper. D’ARTAGNAN Run it through that thing you use. Bill nods and heads back outside. Toby is still. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) This is gonna be a damn long cleanup for ya’ innut? Toby. (turns to Toby) Why don’t you leave me and Sheldy alone for a bit. Go check up on Bill. Toby slowly shambles over outside. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Sheldy. It’s been a long time, hasn’t it. SHELDON Yes. Yes it has. D’ARTAGNAN I don’t like that you and boss man been hidin’ things from me. I don’t like it. D’Artagnan punches him in the face. Hits like brass knuckles even though he doesn’t have them on. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Not. One. Bit.
He enunciates every period with a punch. He alternates the hands of course, because he doesn’t want to wear one away quicker than the other. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) You set me up? Was it a parta big Boss man’s plans? SHELDON N-no.. Just, just we didn’t want anybody findin’ out we were linked to something like that... D’Artagnan accepts this, and shakes Sheldon’s hand before leaving the room. Sheldon begins to cry. EXT. OUTSIDE THE ORDERS OFFICE - DAY - 1:40 PM BILL I put the number through. Just through a hotel. Nothing concrete. D’Artagnan sighs and then recalls. SHELDON (V.O.) ...I don’t even know any Gustav... D’Artagnan takes out Delilah and kicks down the door to the orders office. Sheldon is still crying. He sees D’Artagnan. He tries crawling away. D’Artagnan shoots Sheldon behind the knee. D’ARTAGNAN Where’s Gustav? Sheldon cries. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) I know you got a man going to a meet. Where’s Gustav? SHELDON The diner! He’s at the diner! D’ARTAGNAN What diner, Sheldy? SHELDON Mojave!
D’ARTAGNAN Thank you, Sheldy. Sorry ‘bout your knee. D’Artagnan is about to step out the door and turns back. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Who’s goin’ to the meet anyway? SHELDON Monty. D’ARTAGNAN Shit. D’Artagnan exits. Turns to Bill. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Mojave Diner. BILL Huh. Heard that place has the best coffee. D’ARTAGNAN Eh, it’s okay. INT. BILL’S EL CAMINO As far as Toby is concerned, he’s riding in a shitty car with two crazy psychotic murderers. He’s a gunshot away from pissing himself. BILL Hey what does this Gustav guy look like? D’ARTAGNAN Last time I saw him he looked like a typical European guy. You know. Ponytails and shit. BILL Huh. You think he’d change up the look? D’ARTAGNAN Who knows ‘bout those Europeans... I don’t know... You don’t know... Hey, maybe Toby knows. Toby’s terrified out of his mind. He can’t speak.
Silence. BILL And we’re here. The car turns in to the Diner. INT. MOJAVE DINER - DAY The trio enters the crowded diner and sits down at a table. Bill orders a coffee, D’Artagnan gets a club soda, and Toby shakily orders a Fitzy Whirl (pop). BILL (whisper) D. You’re on lookout. Tell us when he’s here. D’ARTAGNAN Alright. What about Monty. BILL Monty? D’ARTAGNAN He’s the man on the job. The assigned contractor. BILL Yeah, him too. Meanwhile, let’s enjoy ourselves. Bill takes a sip of his coffee and smiles. D’Artagnan takes a large gulp of his Club Soda. A man walks into the diner and he looks around. There is a distinct lack of seats. He sees an empty seat next to Toby. MAN Excuse me, can I sit here? There are no chairs left. (smiles) BILL Yeah sure. The Man sits down. MAN Man, it is really hot outside. Its like 100 degrees out there.
BILL Yeah, my car’s even worse. D’ARTAGNAN Feels like a damn cooker, that’s how bad it is. They laugh. MAN Haven’t had a heat wave like this is so long. I ain’t even used to this heat any more. D’ARTAGNAN Yeah, I know what you’re talkin’ bout. MAN I had this scientist friend and he said its Global Warming or something. BILL Global warming? Like the Earth’s hugging the sun? MAN Yeah, what a wacko. Swear to god, its like that Y2K stuff, never gonna happen. D’ARTAGNAN I’d like to believe in the impossible sometimes. MAN Yeah but look, there’s impossible. Then there’s impossible. (beat) Look, this heat, it’s just weather. Weather’s a little predictable but I wouldn’t call it like some sort of impossibility jumbo wumbo. It’s the sun and things like that. That’s why it’s hot. (beat) I don’t believe in crazy people’s theories. D’ARTAGNAN Well, I’d like to believe in something that’s impossible. Just one thing.
MAN And what’s that? D’ARTAGNAN Freedom. MAN Is that why you’re wearing those pants? I gotta say, those are atrocious. (beat) So have you been wearing them in prison too, D’Artagnan? Everyone’s eyes glare at the man. D’ARTAGNAN (venomous) Monty. MONTY And here I was, afraid that you might’ve forgotten my face. D’ARTAGNAN 10 years in prison wipes the unimportant shit from your memory. MONTY Yes. It’s been a long time. D’ARTAGNAN Yeah. MONTY Well what are you doing out here? You’re not supposed to be out. D’ARTAGNAN Special business. MONTY Wouldn’t have to deal with Gustav over there, would it? Unseen by the trio, Gustav had entered the Diner during their conversation. He looks a little bit older, and his ponytail is a bit shorter. Hair’s grayer too. D’Artagnan tries to bolt out of his seat, but Bill stops him.
MONTY (CONT’D) Well, me and Gustav were going to have a conversation, but you’re a much more interesting guy, ain’t you, D’Artagnan. (smiles) D’ARTAGNAN You pull that trigger and I’ll make sure that your kids’ll feel the pain I’ll put you in. LOWER SHOT BELOW TABLE: SHOW MONTY POINTING A PISTOL AT D’ARTAGNAN Monty tries to pull the trigger but D’Artagnan throws water in his face, while pulling his leg up. The gun goes off and everyone panics. BILL I’ll get Gustav, you get Monty. Gustav jets off towards the doorway, and Bill follows. D’Artagnan kicks the table up, and it hits Monty on the chin. Monty fires off another shot, hitting the table. D’Artagnan dives to the side and around the corner. Monty pushes the table out of his face. MONTY C’mon, D’Artagnan! We’ve been waiting for 10 years! The rookie vs the incumbent! D’ARTAGNAN Shut the fuck up, Monty, no one wants to hear you talk. Monty shoots towards D’Artagnan but misses. D’Artagnan takes out Delilah. He cocks her. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) One in the chamber, motherfucker! D’Artagnan shoots Monty, but he dodges, only allowing the bullet to rip off his left ear. D’Artagnan tries to pull again, but it doesn’t work. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Single action, right.
Monty sprays in D’Artagnan’s direction. He falls behind a chair. D’Artagnan throws a coffee cup over. It hits Monty in the nose. Monty screams. D’Artagnan stands up, Delilah raised, ready to fire. He surveys the room, and finds Monty on the floor. D’Artagnan fires, but Monty sweeps his leg, hitting him and making him fire into the ceiling. Monty raises his gun and shoots D’Artagnan. He misses and grazes D’Artagnan’s afro. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Fuck you, Monty! He shoots Monty square in the chest. The force of the bullet sends Monty flying into a booth. D’Artagnan stands, triumphant. He fixes his hair. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Was it as good for you as it was for me? D’Artagnan spits on Monty and leaves the diner. EXT. MINNEAPOLIS STREETS - DAY Bill sprints, trying to catch up with Gustav. Gustav’s shoving people down the street with his momentum, making hurdles for Bill to try and leap over. Bill pumps his arms up and down. Bill slows down. He’s almost 60, he can’t run that fast anymore. He takes aim with the Glock. Ready. Aim. Fire. ...
It hits Gustav in the calf. He falls down in the street and screams. GUSTAV You American bastard! Bill smiles. But he sees Gustav’s face light up with relief. Walk sign is red. A black Mercedes crosses by Gustav. The door opens and an arm brings him inside. Walk sign is white. Bill can’t shoot. Too many people. BILL Oh, come on! Shit! Bill kicks a can on the sidewalk into the street. INT. MOJAVE DINER - DAY Monty sits, handcuffed at a booth. Across from him are D’Artagnan and Bill. Monty doesn’t look very well. Getting shot does that to you. MONTY You better get fuckin’ ready. I didn’t check back in from my appointed hour, Sheldon’ll have this place blown to pieces. D’ARTAGNAN Sheldon won’t be tellin’ anyone to blow anythin’ up anytime soon. (smiles) Now, what’s Gustav up to? MONTY You think I’m gonna talk? You know how this business works, D’Artagnan. No one talks. ‘Cept you, of course. D’ARTAGNAN You set me up, you fucking asshole! MONTY Did I?
Bill holds Delilah down. He brings up his Glock. BILL What’s the plan, Monty? MONTY I. Am. Not. Talking. Bill sighs and looks at D’Artagnan. He walks out of the Diner. D’ARTAGNAN Oh, you made a boo-boo. D’Artagnan drinks some seltzer. He picks up a shard of broken coffee mug and readies it with his left hand over Monty’s hand. Monty knows what he’s planning to do. He cries a little. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) C’mon rookie. Spill. D’Artagnan raises Delilah with his right hand and spins in, having the handle on the top. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Last chance, boy. Monty shakes. D’Artagnan brings down the revolver and impales Monty’s hand to the table with the mug shard. Monty screams. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Just talk. MONTY Plan’s to... Monty looks half-dead. MONTY (CONT’D) Blow up the banks after taking ‘em. D’ARTAGNAN Which banks, Monty? Monty starts to drift off, the blood loss’s getting to him. D’Artagnan sighs and gets a hot mug of coffee.
Spills it on Monty. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Which banks, Monty? MONTY All of them. D’ARTAGNAN Appreciated, Monty. Thank you for your cooperation. (smiles) D’Artagnan exits the diner. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) They’re gonna blow up all the banks after taking all of em. BILL Is that even possible? That’s not gonna work unlessD’ARTAGNAN Unless they got every fed hiding like a buncha rats. BILL Still, we got the cops... D’ARTAGNAN No offense, but the cops in this town ain’t worth jack shit. I could kill you right now and pay that guy off (points at a cop on the scene) to let me go. BILL Well that’s uncomfortable. Both of them laugh. BILL (CONT’D) Well, where’s the meetup spot? They have to be doing some sort of reconnaissance. D’ARTAGNAN Right. Lemme check. D’Artagnan disappears into the Diner. Monty’s screaming pierces through Mojave’s walls.
BILL Always so excessive. D’Artagnan comes back from the Diner. He has a little blood on his hands. D’ARTAGNAN First Minneapolis Bank. In an hour. BILL They’re going to be there in an hour, or they’re starting in an hour? D’Artagnan smiles. He goes back in the Diner. Monty’s cries reach the outdoors yet again. D’ARTAGNAN Prepping in an hour. BILL You know, I cannot legally condone torture. D’ARTAGNAN He almost shot me, Bill. It’s self defense. They laugh. Toby speaks. TOBY How are you guys so calm when you’re killing and torturing people, and getting into gunfights, jesus christ you guys are fucking scary. BILL Well I’ve been a cop for a while, I’ve seen some shit. Sometimes you just gotta laugh it off. TOBY Him! (points at D’Artagnan) He kneecapped someone! With a revolver! BILL You make it sound like Clue.
D’ARTAGNAN I ain’t no Professor Plum, Toby. Besides, if you doin’ a biopic on me, better stop being so damn squirmy. TOBY Fuck biopics, man! D’ARTAGNAN No movie? TOBY Ugh. Can I talk to Bill alone. D’ARTAGNAN Yeah sure, I’ll check up on MonBill gives him a stern look. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) -I mean I’ll wait up at the car. D’Artagnan walks to the car and plays around with Delilah. TOBY Look, I’m not sure I can do this anymore, man. You guys are fuckin’ crazy. BILL Isn’t this what investigative reporting is all about? Getting into the thick of things? TOBY Yeah... BILL Don’t you want to learn the truth about everything that’s happened? The truth of the bank case? TOBY Yeah... BILL Then strap your balls back in and get to the fucking car. Toby gets in the backseat.
EXT. FIRST MINNEAPOLIS BANK - DAY Gustav, in a wheelchair, wheels himself towards one of his guards, who is surveying the south perimeter of the bank. GUSTAV Keep a close eye for a black man with an afro, a ginger, and a wimp. I’m afraid we might have to get ‘down and dirty’. GUARD We can’t hire more men? GUSTAV That agency is not available anymore. They’re not taking calls. And the last one they sent was taken care of by the black man. Gustav wheels off to tell other guards the same. The guard stands and views the perimeter. He’s grabbed from behind and his neck is broken. It’s D’Artagnan. He takes the guard’s walkie and changes its frequency. D’ARTAGNAN It’s me, D. Anyone copy? BILL This is B. I got you. Roger. D’Artagnan puts on the guard’s heavy body armor and uniform. Covering his face, D’Artagnan is not recognizable anymore. He’s upset that no one can see his pants though. He drags the body and hides it in a bush. For safekeeping, of course. D’ARTAGNAN How many you count, B? BILL I count, 18 so far. 14 guards, 4 ETs. Would’ve been 6, but we took care of 2 ETs already. Isolate ETs and snuff. D’ARTAGNAN Copy that.
D’Artagnan switches frequency. He tries putting on the best accent he can. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) (bad russian accent) I need a comrade in the south perimeter. May there be a problem. ET 1 Will be there in second. D’Artagnan hides behind a corner, waiting. Footsteps. The ET sees something in the bush in front of the bank and checks it out. He reaches for his walkie and is about to begin transmitting whenD’Artagnan steps out of the shadows and grabs his neck using the arm. He pulls back, and slowly strangles the ET. He switches frequencies. D’ARTAGNAN One down. He walks into the bank and sees one ET at the teller booth, two making small talk with the bank vice president. Gustav is writing a check at a desk. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) You get the two, I get teller and Gustav. He finds Bill with his eyes. Bill nods. They move into position. Bill moves over to the the south door of the bank and knocks the handles off. D’Artagnan moves over to the south as well, and goes in the empty president’s office next to the door. He takes out a lighter and flips it open.
He lights a nearby potted plant on fire. He raises it and activates the sprinklers and the fire alarm. D’Artagnan throws the potted plant in front of the Southern Exit, funneling people to the north side. Bill disposes of the two making small talk by slamming their heads on the desk and breaking their necks. He looks at D’Artagnan. He nods. D’Artagnan sprints and catches the ET from the teller booth. He brings him to the floor using the ET’s collar, and breaks in his nose with Delilah’s handle. He keeps bludgeoning until the man is dead. Gustav desperately tries to exit, but the Southern entrance has been made useless by Bill. GUSTAV Shit. Shit! Shit! D’Artagnan slowly walks towards Gustav. He smiles. Gustav’s face is full of dread. D’ARTAGNAN Well, well, well, if it ain’t my good friend Gustav. BILL I’m gonna check around- you got Gustav. See if you can get a new lead. D’ARTAGNAN Will do. Bill goes off to do other things in the bank. D’Artagnan drags Gustav into the empty President’s office. Gustav cries out, begging for mercy. D’Artagnan rips off Gustav’s right pant leg. He reveals the bullet wound that’s been hastily patched up. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Ah, that must’ve hurt. You’re lucky Bill didn’t wanna kill you.
D’Artagnan takes out his lighter. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Oh is it bleeding again? My bad, lemme try and fix it up for you. D’Artagnan puts the lighter’s flame against the wound. He lights Gustav on fire. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Guess I’m not that good at cauterizing, now am I? GUSTAV Ah! Ah! Make it stop! D’ARTAGNAN Oh there’s a toll, Gustav. Information. Then, I’ll make it stop. GUSTAV I don’t know his name- it’s not my plan- it’s his plan! D’ARTAGNAN Whose plan?! GUSTAV Billiard! His name is Billiard! D’Artagnan takes a step back. He’s shocked. D’ARTAGNAN Billiard? Where you meetin’ up after the job? GUSTAV I can’t tell you, he’ll kill me! D’Artagnan takes out Delilah, he holds her so close to Gustav that she’s licked by the flames. Gustav soils himself. D’ARTAGNAN Where’s the meetup point? GUSTAV Cuper National Headquarters! The big building in the city - the tall one!
D’Artagnan stomps out the fire and steps up. He turns around. GUSTAV (CONT’D) What are you going to do, D? What are you going to do now? D’ARTAGNAN (cold) None of your business. D’Artagnan stares at Gustav and buries a bullet through his skull. D’Artagnan pockets Delilah and exits the bank. He keeps his lighter on and lights all that he can on fire before he leaves. Bill looks at him. BILL What are you doing? D’ARTAGNAN They’ll cancel the meetup if they don’t hear that the bank’s been hit. BILL Oh. Good thinking. Bill looks around. BILL (CONT’D) What did you do with Gustav. D’ARTAGNAN Don’t worry about it. D’Artagnan enters the car, and sits next to Toby. He looks at Toby. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Toby, you better be ready to die. Who we’re up against, I ain’t sure we getting out alive. TOBY Who are we up against?
INT. BUTCHER’S STORAGE - NIGHT - PAST A dead body lies on the ground. A fat man, the butcher, lies on the ground, with blood leaving his body. The blood flows over and contrasts with his glazed eyes. SLOWLY ZOOM OUT The butcher has been impaled to the floor with meat cutting knives and forks. He looks like a cruel imitation of Jesus. Then we see a silhouette of a man. A man with his hands behind his back, contemplative. D’ARTAGNAN (V.O.) Billiard. Billiard’s face remains hidden in shadow as he checks himself for any blood stains. D’ARTAGNAN (V.O.) Coldest motherfucker this side of the world. He lights a match. D’ARTAGNAN Boss man. He throws it onto the body and lights it on fire. The fire illuminates Billiard’s face. His face is that of a forty year old Italian man, with a tattooed pool ball over his eye, with his pupil being the shape of an eight. TOBY (V.O.) Why does he call himself Billiard? An eight ball rolls out of the butcher’s mouth. D’ARTAGNAN Reasons. INT. BILL’S EL CAMINO D’ARTAGNAN The point is, you need to be careful. (MORE)
47. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT'D) One wrong move, and Boss man’ll kill you faster than a pidgeon decides to shit on your head.
TOBY He’s worse than you? D’ARTAGNAN I don’t know. I’ve never seen him. I’ve only heard all this from Sheldon. Word was, he has his own case log that’s almost as big as the rest of the agency’s. TOBY You’re scared of him? D’Artagnan doesn’t answer and remains silent. Bill enters the car. BILL Well, Monty’s gonna get detained, but looks like he’ll end up in Jail for a while. Gustav remains a liability. We never caught him. D’ARTAGNAN Ha, Monty’ll die in five seconds if he goes to the big house. BILL Well IBill gets cut off by the bank exploding. Then the cars explode around the bank- luckily, the El Camino is parked off the corner. A dark silhouette approaches the car, obscured by the flames. One of his ears is missing. Oh, and he’s carrying an M16 assault rifle. BILL (CONT’D) Who the fuck is that? D’ARTAGNAN Shit. It’s Monty. BILL I thought you took care of Monty!
Monty shoots at the car, Bill stomps on the pedal. The engine stalls. BILL (CONT’D) Oh, come on! Monty keeps shooting while opening the door to a car. The engine works. The El Camino goes off- but a black jeep isn’t far behind. The M16 is still firing. BILL (CONT’D) Goddammit! D! Shoot the fucking bastard! D’Artagnan takes out Delilah and tries to shoot, but Bill’s shaky driving doesn’t help. BILL (CONT’D) I’m not hearing gunshots, D! D’ARTAGNAN Stop driving like a lady trippin on shrooms and maybe you will! Toby tries to shrink himself so he doesn’t get shot. D’Artagnan fires off a shot. Nails the glass, but hits nothing but the leather inside. D’Artagnan cocks another shot. He takes aim. Ready. Aim. Fir- speedbump. D’Artagnan is knocked off balance and the shot hits a pedestrian on the sidewalk. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) I swear to GOD, Bill! Drive straight! D’Artagnan shoots and hits Monty’s chest. He fires again, and hits Monty’s shoulder. A M16 bullet whizzes past and cracks the El Camino’s windshield.
BILL I can’t see anything! D’Artagnan takes aim. Ready. Aim. Fire. The bullet exits Delilah’s barrel, like a baby finally leaving its home to see the world. The world being Monty’s brain. Bill and D’Artagnan calms down, but Toby’s still shivering. D’ARTAGNAN He’s dead, Toby. TOBY Are you sure? D’ARTAGNAN People shot in the head don’t come back. TOBY You’d be surprised. You should check. D’ARTAGNAN Shut up and sit up. D’Artagnan shakes his head. BILL So where’s the spot? D’ARTAGNAN Cuper National Headquarters. BILL Meeting up there? Where? The lobby? D’ARTAGNAN Doesn’t matter. BILL We have to find the guy.
D’ARTAGNAN Trust me, he’s not that hard to find. Bill shrugs and turns back. He doesn’t question D’Artagnan’s judgement. BILL What’s his name. D’ARTAGNAN Billiard. Boss man. BILL Him? D’ARTAGNAN Yeah. BILL We bring enough guns? It’s gonna take a lot of time to bring him and his crew down. D’ARTAGNAN I’m not sure if he’s rolling with a crew anymore. BILL Why would he get rid of it? D’ARTAGNAN Reasons. CLOSEUP ON D’ARTAGNAN’S FACE As they drive to the Cuper building, D’Artagnan and Toby remain silent. Something’s different with D’Artagnan. He’s seething. Bill hums a John Denver song as he turns into the parking lot. He reaches a meter with a security guard. SECURITY GUARD For security purposes, I’m going to need your ID. Bill hands over his driver’s license. The security guard sees D’Artagnan in the backseat. The guard drops the license and takes out his pistol.
Too late, Delilah’s already out. The guard drops to the floor, dead. D’ARTAGNAN Go in, fast. He’s got some people in already. BILL How many you think he has? D’ARTAGNAN Some parking personnel, maybe a desk operator. Security definitely. Janitors. BILL Should we... Bill looks over at Toby. D’ARTAGNAN No. Just you and me is fine. BILL What if the personnel get to the car? D’ARTAGNAN Right. Bring him. Give him your spare. BILL Fine. Bill tosses a gun to Toby and spare ammunition. Toby just holds it and looks at Bill. BILL (CONT’D) You’re coming with us. You might have to use it. (beat) The gun. (beat) You might have to use the gun. Toby looks at Bill. BILL (CONT’D) Jesus christ, do you not know how to use a gun? Toby nods.
D’Artagnan exits the car as Bill gives Toby a quick tutorial on how to use a gun. He looks around and readies Delilah. His left hand is tapping on his waist. The sound of footsteps permeate the parking lot. D’Artagnan moves forward and behind a Jeep. Three parking personnel come into view. They have their guns out. D’Artagnan shoots a car across from him. The car’s alarm goes off. The guys shoot randomly at the car until they’re out of ammunition. The guns click. D’Artagnan rises from his position and aims at the first guy. He fires. He cocks his gun and shoots the other. He cocks again and shoots the last. The three bodies fall onto the concrete in sync. D’Artagnan drags each body, one by one, behind different cars in the lot. He picks up a walkie from one of them. HENCHMAN (V.O.) Hey you guys still there? Did ya’ get him? (beat) Hellooooo? (beat) Boss, we might have a problem. The walkie cuts out. D’Artagnan tosses the walkie onto the ground when they all start speaking, filling the lot with echoes. BILLIARD (V.O.) D’Artagnan. (beat) Oh D’Artagnan? Billiard makes an insulting chitting noise, as if D’Artagnan was a dog.
BILLIARD (V.O.) I’m on the fourth floor, meeting with one of my friends. Several, actually. Let’s see... (beat) Poon, Spud, Chun King, Taze, and... Jack, (beat) Poon is such an unfortunate name. Who gave you that name? POON (V.O.) You did. BILLIARD (V.O.) Right. (beat.) I apologize. Profusely. D’ARTAGNAN Is that all of ‘em? BILLIARD (V.O.) Oh I’m sure there are some that I’m forgetting, but yeah that’s the gist of ‘em. D’ARTAGNAN Ready to die? BILLIARD (V.O.) I’m not going to lie to you, D’Artagnan. I set it up. I set you up. Now come on up. D’Artagnan smashes the walkie and storms off to the elevator. D’ARTAGNAN (to Bill) Fourth Floor! He gets into the elevator. There’s a man in there. INT. ELEVATOR MAN Heard some noise on my way down. Everything okay? D’ARTAGNAN Yeah, car’s just backfiring, ‘sall. MAN Hmm...
We see the man pull out a knife but D’Artagnan is unaware. He slashes at D’Artagnan with it, but D’Artagnan quickly leaps back and hits the elevator wall. D’Artagnan tries to fire Delilah, but the man hits her with the backside of his knife and knocks it in the wrong direction. The man knocks D’Artagnan down and stomps on Delilah and D’Artagnan’s hand. D’Artagnan grunts and pulls his hand away, leaving Delilah. D’Artagnan goes into fighting stance. The man stabs with his knife and D’Artagnan pulls back. He grabs the man’s knife arm and punches him in the chest. D’Artagnan knees the man’s arm up. His arm bone fractures. D’Artagnan punches the man in the throat. The man screams but kicks D’Artagnan off. He switches his knife hand and does a backhand slash. He misses but hooks onto D’Artagnan’s shirt. He pulls and rips it. D’Artagnan hits the man and begins to grapple with him. He makes the man drop the knife and he kicks it over to the back. The man tries to knee D’Artagnan but he counters with a knee of his own. D’Artagnan leans back and brings his legs up, and extends. The man hits the ceiling of the short elevator and comes down, meeting D’Artagnan’s fist. He falls down with a broken nose onto the elevator. He makes a desperate grab for his knife, and grabs it tip first. D’Artagnan makes a grab for Delilah at the same time. D’Artagnan shoots Delilah while the man throws the knife. The knife’s blunt handle hits D’Artagnan while the bullet pierces the man’s shoulder. D’Artagnan grabs the knife and leaps, trying to stab the man.
The man palms the blade with both hands, and tries to prevent it from falling into his chest. With a great breath, he pushes D’Artagnan away. But he makes a slash, and nails the man through his right hand with the knife, to the floor. D’Artagnan stomps it in even further and some blood splatters onto his face. He kicks the man in the face and cocks Delilah. He shoots and hits the man in the head. D’Artagnan exhales, and pockets Delilah. The elevator dings. He has arrived at the fourth floor. He kicks the man’s body to the side of the elevator and exits. D’Artagnan sees Billiard surrounded by his henchmen, the hitmen. Taze shocks him from behind and knocks D’Artagnan out. INT. BROOM CLOSET OF CUPER NATIONAL D’Artagnan is slapped awake by a Chinese hitman. He struggles to get his eyes open. D’Artagnan is sitting in a chair, surrounded in the small broom closet by hitmen. Billiard walks in the dimly lit room. BILLIARD You’re awake. Good! (smiles) D’ARTAGNAN Just like old times, huh? BILLIARD Yes. Exactly! (beat) Old times. D’ARTAGNAN Well, Boss man, what’s the problem?
BILLIARD It’s actually not my problem, so much as its yours. (beat) See, I thought that I made it clear to our new recruit, ten years ago, that he was supposed to kill you. INT. ORDERS OFFICE - DAY - PAST Billiard sits at his mahogany and gold table, talking to Gustav. Gustav just nods, but he doesn’t really understand. There is a translator next to Billiard. BILLIARD I want you to take care of D. (beat) Understand? Gustav nods. TRANSLATOR (in German) Take care of D. The translator makes a fist. Gustav nods. GUSTAV I can speak English fine. I get it. Billiard slips a piece of paper to him. INT. BROOM CLOSET OF CUPER NATIONAL BILLIARD But he thought it was just a frame job, and well... you went in Jail. (beat) And halted my payment. D’ARTAGNAN Who hates me that badly that he’d offer that much money? Cause I know you wouldn’t go through with it unless it was a lot of money.
BILLIARD Yes, you are quite the stone cold killer. But this man is also quite rich. D’ARTAGNAN Spill, Billiard. BILLIARD My associate. (beat) Your father. D’ARTAGNAN Step-father. Nigga’s supposed to be in jail. BILLIARD Yes, they never did officially release the information. It would’ve been too embarrassing. INT. JAY HAWLEY PRISON - ARKANSAS - PAST MANNY, 30, and SID, 25, stand next to a huge hulk of a man who seems to be laying dynamite charges next to a wall of their cell. BILLIARD (V.O.) Apparently their prisoners had enough connections to obtain dynamite within their walls. You can imagine the uproar that would’ve caused in their system. They run back and hide in another cell. The dynamite blows. Dust is everywhere. BILLIARD (V.O.) Your father joined these prisoners in their exodus from Jay Hawley prison, as did many others, and never went back to Arkansas. The prisoners flow out, 18 in count. BILLIARD (V.O.) He never did forget about the “little bastard” of his, though. (MORE)
58. BILLIARD (V.O.) (CONT'D) The one that apparently ratted him out.
EXT. D’ARTAGNAN’S CHILDHOOD HOME - NIGHT - PAST D’Artagnan, a child, smiles triumphantly as his young father gets dragged into a police car. BILLIARD (V.O.) What did your father do? D’ARTAGNAN (V.O.) He beat my mom. BILLIARD (V.O.) Ah, quite the fiend. His mother, bloody and bruised, stumbles out of the house and hugs him, crying and smiling at the same time. D’ARTAGNAN That was the last time I saw him. And I hoped that was the last time I would see him ever again. BILLIARD Well, your father stuck with his friends, and left for parts unknown in America. EXT. PARTS UNKNOWN - DAY Manny and Sid are on a lunch break. They’ve been doing hard work for a while now. The other prisoners are there too, mining something. BILLIARD (V.O.) One of the prisoners got a tipoff of a suspected oil deposit somewhere there, and all the prisoners followed him. Like the second Great American Gold Rush. Oil flies offscreen and some of it lands on Manny’s sandwich. BILLIARD (V.O.) And they struck oil. Lots of it. Enough to make each one of the prisoners rich.
Manny, Sid, and the other prisoners are dancing happily around the oil flow. BILLIARD (V.O.) Most of them left America, Sid disappeared, apparently. But your father, your father remembered. (beat) He remembered you. Manny stands tall, and looks hatefully into the horizon. The prisoners are telling stories at a campfire behind him. BILLIARD (V.O.) Your father created Cuper, with his money. He managed it well. So well, that he was able to make it one of the greatest corporations in history, and have a base in every single major American city within 20 years of its inception. INT. UNKNOWN BANKING HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT Manny smashes his fist into an old man’s face. He shoves papers in front of him and demands for him to sign them. The old man refuses, and Manny punches again. BILLIARD (V.O.) And of course, Manny had to spill a little blood, but banking is a very dirty business. Manny takes out a knife, and the old man relents. BILLIARD (V.O.) But it was all worth it in the end, because it was all for you. INT. CUPER NATIONAL BUILDING - TENNESSEE - PAST Manny stands, looking at the skyline in a city. He’s dressed in a fancy suit, and has nice, neat hair. His hands are behind his back. BILLIARD (V.O.) See, Manny didn’t want Cuper National to be big because of the money. That was just a side benefit. (beat) He wanted you.
A man walks into the office. ASSISTANT Mr. Cuper, we found him. D’Artagnan McAffrey, registered employee of the Billiard Catering Co. Manny smiles. MANNY Where? ASSISTANT Minneapolis, sir. Manny grins. BILLIARD (V.O.) He actually came to me on the day you were out on an assignment. He was interested in what we actually do, because he “looked into” us. (beat) Naturally, I told him what we do. He wasn’t very surprised. INT. ORDERS OFFICE - DAY Billiard and Manny laugh, both are drinking some scotch and discussing something. BILLIARD (V.O.) I mean, he trained you. He knows what you are capable of. So, of course, he knew that if you weren’t in the army somewhere, you would be in a part of the same business. Manny hands Billiard his card. BILLIARD (V.O.) He was very nice, our first meeting. Handed me a fat wad of bills, thanked me for taking care of his son. Manny gives Billiard a suitcase filled with money. BILLIARD (V.O.) And he said that there was even more money waiting for me. So I was curious, and I asked, how could I get it?
Manny grins. BILLIARD (V.O.) He said that you had to die. Billiard weighs his options. BILLIARD While you were the best contract killer on the market, there was the upcoming prospect, Gustav. And it was so much money. (beat) So much. Billiard accepts and shakes Manny’s hand. BILLIARD (CONT’D) I just couldn’t refuse. Especially when it was so convenient. Manny raises one finger, as if to say “Ah Ah”. BILLIARD (CONT’D) He wanted it to be elaborate, though. He wanted you to be shot down by a large amount of law enforcement. (beat) So we organized the bank scheme. Billiard brings out blueprints for the bank and discusses with Manny the intricacies of the proposed operation. BILLIARD (CONT’D) We were going to have you wake up, and have Gustav fire a shot at them so they’d shoot you. But he didn’t understand. He left as soon as he knocked you out. (beat) And you, being so damn friendly, got yourself apprehended very quickly and very easily, before we could get anyone to fix the damn mess. EXT. FIRST MINNEAPOLIS BANK - DAY Gustav is on a roof, fumbling to assemble a sniper rifle. D’Artagnan is below, walking out of the bank.
Gustav finally assembles it, and raises his sniper rifle. D’Artagnan is being hosed down by Bill. Gustav tries to fire, but the rifle’s jammed. BILLIARD (V.O.) So we messed around, tried to see what would happen. Your father was furious though. INT. ORDERS OFFICE - DAY Manny yells at Billiard, Billiard apologizes. BILLIARD (V.O.) We got you out a couple of times on a case, put a plan in motion. Manny even saidMANNY Fuck it. I’m going to make sure that you guys don’t fail this time. I’m gonna make it real easy for you this time. BILLIARD He set up a building for construction, and set up charges in the structure. For demolition. When you would come here. EXT. MINNEAPOLIS STREETS - DAY Cuper National Building is being constructed. BILLIARD (V.O.) This building. D’ARTAGNAN (V.O.) I thought you guys were gonna blow up all the banks. Wasn’t that the plan? BILLIARD That was just to get you and Bill out of Gitton, and into our window of opportunity. (beat) D’Artagnan, do you really think we needed money after your father’s payment?
INT. ORDERS OFFICE - DAY Gustav makes the call that was recorded, the one with the threat to blow charges in the city. BILLIARD And believe me, this plan was pretty big, and pretty complex. Sure, there were some things that went wrong- I didn’t think Monty would’ve gone down so fast, and I didn’t think the Ginger would’ve let you kill Gustav. (beat) But it all worked out, didn’t it. (beat) And this, this is by far, the easiest part of the plan. INT. BROOM CLOSET OF CUPER NATIONAL We are back in the present, to Billiard revealing all this to D’Artagnan. D’Artagnan doesn’t looked shocked. BILLIARD I mean, all we have to do is blow up the building, right? Billiard loses himself in thought. BILLIARD (CONT’D) Wait. (beat) You have backup, don’t you, you bastard. (smiles) The elevator dings. BILL Freeze! Bill can be heard from the broom closet. Billiard signals with his hand. Two hitmen leave the broom closet. INT. FOURTH FLOOR LOBBY - CUPER NATIONAL BUILDING Bill takes out his Glock and scans the room.
Chun King and Poon pop out of the broom closet. Chun King has a fire lance out, and Poon has a speargun. Bill dives and rolls out of the elevator to cover, firing some shots. Chun King and Poon dodge. Chun King lights his lance. Poon aims his speargun. The lance fires and blows up Bill’s cover. Bill, rattled by the blast, lands on a coffee table. Poon prepares to launch his spear, but Toby comes out of the elevator and sprays his pistol, rapidly firing. He hits Poon in the shoulder, making him launch the spear into the ceiling, with rope following it. Chun King leaps at Toby, but Toby keeps spraying, nailing him in the ankle. King falls down and takes out old Chinese style knives. He throws them at Toby, but Toby hides behind a couch. Poon gets up and pulls his spear from the ceiling, and loads it again. Bill raises his pistol and hits the top of Poon’s gun. Poon’s gun slips, and positions it self pointing upwards to Poon’s chin. Poon panics and accidentally fires the gun, killing him and hanging himself to the ceiling. He dangles like a nightmarish pendulum. Bill fires another shot, but King dodges. King roars and throws a knife at Bill. Bill luckily shoots it out of the air. Toby raises his gun and tries to shoot, but he’s empty. So is Bill. King grabs a knife from the couch and charges at Toby. Bill slides himself off the table and tackles King. King drops his knife near Toby as Bill and him grapple.
Bill punches King in the face several times, but King gets some in as well in Bill’s stomach. Toby comes into view with the knife and swings at King, who’s on top. King does a reversal. Toby accidentally slashes Bill’s back. Bill screams. King slams Bill onto the floor as Toby drops the knife and backs away. King grabs the knife and stabs Bill’s pants to the floor. He puts Bill in a sleeper hold and knocks him out. King sees Toby. Toby tries to run, but King leaps on him. King puts Toby in a sleeper hold as well and Toby is knocked unconscious. The noise stops. King removes the spear and loads the speargun. He disregards Poon’s body. INT. BROOM CLOSET OF CUPER NATIONAL BILLIARD Yes. Billiard smiles as D’Artagnan looks dejected. He snaps his fingers. BILLIARD (CONT’D) Ah, and if there isn’t a special guest that I’m forgetting. (beat) Drumroll please! The remaining henchmen start smacking the walls, making a rudimentary beat. BILLIARD (CONT’D) Mr. Cuper! The elevator dings in the background. Footsteps can be heard. They belong to fancy shoes. Manny enters.
MANNY D’Artagnan. D’ARTAGNAN Cuper. MANNY Billiard, the charges been set to go off in about 15 minutes. More or less. Let’s bring D’Artagnan and his friends to see my view. BILLIARD Sure. After you, Mr. Cuper. Manny leaves and enters the elevator. The henchman grab D’Artagnan and shove him into the elevator as well. It’s a bit crowded. INT. ELEVATOR The elevator contains: Billiard, Manny, D’Artagnan, King, Toby (unconscious), Bill (unconscious, Taze, Jack and Spud. Billiard does a headcount. BILLIARD What happened to Poon? The doors close. CHUN KING Killed in action. BILLIARD Who did it? King points at Bill. CHUN KING Shot his gun, made Poon accidentally shoot himself through the jaw. BILLIARD Like a fish! (laughs) No one else laughs.
BILLIARD (CONT’D) But really? You guys are hired killers. You shouldn’t be losing to a... reporter and a ginger. What did I train you for if not situations like these, guys? The room feels a bit uncomfortable for everyone. BILLIARD (CONT’D) Killing yourselves left and right, I feel like the only good men I got are Taze and, hell, maybe even Spud. (beat) I would certainly count D’Artagnan, but he seems to be technically no longer in our employ. D’ARTAGNAN I’m on loan to the FBI. Technically. BILLIARD See, our boy’s so good, he’s on loan to the FBI. I reckon that none of you would be even accepted to the FBI if you requested! D’Artagnan is our shining star. MANNY Billiard, don’t you forget what we’re goin’ up there to do. D’ARTAGNAN Oh I’m sure he ain’t gonna forget nothin’ Mr. Cuper. Not with the money you givin’ him. Wouldn’t be a very good boss if he didn’t remember what he was supposed to do. MANNY Yeah, mouth off all you want, boy. You’re gonna die in a couple of minutes anyway. D’ARTAGNAN Shame about Poon though. He was a good kid. BILLIARD Yeah. I don’t know why he liked the harpoon so much though. (MORE)
68. BILLIARD (CONT'D) Kind of strange. You think he was into that kind of stuff? Phallic stuff?
D’ARTAGNAN The guy just died, boss. Don’t go around calling him gay so quickly. BILLIARD He carried around a speargun for a living, I’m sure I’m not the only one who called him gay. (beat) (turns to hitmen) You guys know anything? KING He was pretty straight. King cleans the speargun. With King’s words, the elevator arrives at its destination. 75th floor. I/E. 75TH FLOOR - CUPER NATIONAL BUILDING The 75th floor is just Manny’s office, with a helipad/balcony on the outside. Very spacious and very white, as if heaven itself had become a building and put itself in the middle of Minneapolis. And heaven is going to blow up very soon. A helicopter waits at the helipad. The pilot is just a random mook from the agency. BILLIARD I’ll wait for you to sort it out. (to henchmen) King, Spud, grab those bodies and toss them into the helicopter. They are not on the contract, and should not be terminated. King and Spud drag their bodies over to the helicopter. Billiard’s henchman line themselves in a circle surrounding Manny and D’Artagnan. Billiard looks in. BILLIARD (CONT’D) Mr. Cuper. Time for you to begin.
MANNY Yes. It is. Manny removes his jacket, and D’Artagnan just watches. Manny rolls up his sleeves, and takes off his shoes. D’ARTAGNAN How long did you say you were waiting for this? MANNY Long time. Manny takes off his sunglasses. MANNY (CONT’D) It’s just you and me, boy. No one to stand between us this time. No stupid little strategies. No way for us to screw it up. Just you and me. And this building. And the C4. D’ARTAGNAN Glad to see you all focused for this. But have you really thought it through? D’Artagnan folds up his shirt as well. MANNY What do you mean, boy? I made you who you are. D’ARTAGNAN I’m different than last time, Cuper. I’m smarter, faster, stronger. I’m better. MANNY Let’s put that to the test. Manny signals D’Artagnan to begin fighting. D’Artagnan still stands. D’ARTAGNAN I was better than you then, and I’m even more now. You may have taught me how to shoot a gun, but god knows, I’ve learned a lot more since then. (beat) You outclassed. (MORE)
70. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT'D) (beat) You can’t beat me. All these guys together couldn’t beat me. (beat) And they know it.
D’Artagnan looks at the hitmen. The hitmen look down at their feet. Billiard shifts around nervously. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) I was the best. I am still the best. You think you can beat me? ‘Specially at your age? Manny is disgusted that D’Artagnan would bring his age up. MANNY Fuck you! And fuck that whore you call mom! D’ARTAGNAN Awwww... And I was ready to knock you out fast, too. (smiles) D’Artagnan looks at the rest of the hit men. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Time to go to work. Manny charges at D’Artagnan with all his might. He’s repelled with an elbow to the back. D’Artagnan skips behind him and drop kicks him to the ground. Manny gets up and faces D’Artagnan. MANNY Fuck you. He jabs at D’Artagnan. His fist is caught. Manny struggles to bring his fist free from D’Artagnan’s iron grip. D’ARTAGNAN Let’s see if I can still do this type of shit. D’Artagnan twists Manny’s fist and an audible crack is heard.
MANNY Ahh, fuck! Fuck! Fuck you! Manny tries to kick D’Artagnan, but he gets his leg twisted in midair- and he falls flat on the floor. D’ARTAGNAN All those years minin’ and managin’ a company didn’t help you with your fightin’ did it? You know what I’ve been doing all these years? D’Artagnan punches Manny’s spine. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) I’ve been killin’ people. All types of people. Ex- special forces, exmarines, even title level boxers. D’Artagnan stomps on Manny’s foot. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) And you think that you, a fucking slimy piece of shit, haven’t been doing nothin’ for so many years, can just, beat me? (beat) I’m insulted. D’Artagnan breaks Manny’s left ankle. MANNY Ah! You fucker! Help me! Billiard looks at Jack and Taze. BILLIARD Do what the client wants. Go on. Do it. Jack and Taze cautiously enter the “circle”. D’Artagnan stares at them. He drops Manny’s arm, which he was about to break. D’ARTAGNAN Armed or unarmed? Taze takes out his stunner. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Armed it is.
D’Artagnan reaches for Delilah, but he finds nothing in his pocket. Taze tackles him and sends many volts through his body. As D’Artagnan writhes uncontrollably on the floor, he sees Billiard spinning Delilah around his fingers. BILLIARD Smith and Wesson 29. Nice. D’Artagnan fights the impulses and knocks the stunner out of his hand. He leaps for it and shoves it into Taze’s crotch. He shoves even harder. Taze falls to the floor, writhing like D’Artagnan a while ago. Jack takes out a little knife. He stares at D’Artagnan, shifting his feet little by little to try and anticipate movement. D’Artagnan charges, and Jack moves to the left and throws the knife. D’Artagnan ducks and the knife misses. He grabs the knife on the floor and throws it at Jack. Jack catches the knife with his fingers and takes out two others. He holds them in the spaces between his fingers. He slashes at D’Artagnan and barely grazes his shirt. D’Artagnan kicks Jack up and punches him in the face. Taze gets up with his stunner and tries to tackle D’Artagnan. Taze misses while D’Artagnan jumps up and lands on Taze. D’Artagnan rips the stunner out of his hands and shoves it at the base of Taze’s neck. Jack throws a couple of knives his way, and D’Artagnan takes cover behind Taze’s body. A couple of knives embed themselves in Taze’s poor torso. Taze screams, while Jack quickly apologizes non verbally. Manny struggles to get up, and takes out his pistol. MANNY Haha, fucker! I win!
Manny pulls the trigger, but D’Artagnan got out of the way, just in time. The bullet kills Taze. D’Artagnan grabs the stunner and shoves it into Manny’s hand, making it shoot uncontrollably. The resulting bullets hit Jack and kill him. D’ARTAGNAN Don’t talk so fast. Billiard runs along to the chopper, and grabs a glass of champagne on the way. It’s called a tactical retreat. D’Artagnan sees this and tries to get up. But he’s stuck. Manny stuck him to the floor with one of Jack’s knives, through the pant leg. Manny points his gun at D’Artagnan. MANNY Only one minute left. D’Artagnan laughs. MANNY (CONT’D) What’s so funny? D’ARTAGNAN Nothin’ funnier than a man thinkin’ he’s won, when he’s dug his own grave. Manny’s surprised as D’Artagnan grabs the knife and stabs Manny in the wrist. MANNY Fuuuuuuuuuuck! Why not kill me?! D’ARTAGNAN In a minute. D’Artagnan gets up and grabs the speargun left on a table by King. He also grabs Manny. He walks towards the balcony, dragging Manny along with him. He brings him up to his face and shows Manny what he has planned for him.
MANNY No, no! No! D’ARTAGNAN It is what it is, Cuper. MANNY You wouldn’t kill your own father, would you? D’ARTAGNAN You mean my step-father? (beat) Isn’t he still supposed to be rotting in Jay Hawley Penitentiary in Arkansas? (beat) That couldn’t be you! You’re here! He’s in jail! MANNY No, please... No! D’Artagnan laughs as he throws Manny off the building. 75 floors down is going to hurt. Billiard takes this as his cue to fly off. The rotors have been ready for a while now, and they begin to ascend. Billiard laughs as he thinks they’re out of D’Artagnan’s reach. BILLIARD How are you going to survive the blast, D’Artagnan? You can’t kill C4! D’ARTAGNAN I guess I’ll just hitch a ride! Billiard begins to fly away. D’Artagnan readies the speargun. Ready. Aim. Fire. D’Artagnan hits the helicopter on its side with the harpoon. He grabs onto the rope and jumps off the building.
Billiard feels the sudden lurch on the helicopter but attributes it to simple turbulence. INT. HELICOPTER BILLIARD Does anyone else feel a bit chilly? The building had quite the air conditioning system. KING I’m kind of cold. SPUD I would say I’m cold, but I’m not a wimp, like King. KING Fuck you, Spud. SPUD I’d bet you’d like to! KING Ugh, that’s disgusting. Even if I was gay I wouldn’t touch your fat ass. SPUD Well that’s kind ofSpud is cut off as he’s thrown out of the helicopter. D’Artagnan takes his pistol and waves a “sorry”. He climbs into Spud’s former seat and relaxes himself. D’ARTAGNAN Hey guys, what’s up? King grabs for his gunD’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) Too slow, motherfucker. D’Artagnan shoots King twice and kicks him off. BILLIARD Well, you’re very resourceful, aren’t you, D’Artagnan.
D’ARTAGNAN Taught by the best, Billiard. (beat) So what do we do now? BILLIARD What do you mean, exactly? D’ARTAGNAN Are you gonna try to kill me, like your mooks. Are you gonna keep trying to satisfy that contract? BILLIARD Well, a man is always bound by his contracts. D’ARTAGNAN So that’s a yes? BILLIARD I’m not saying it’s a yes. But, yes. D’ARTAGNAN Do you really need to do this? BILLIARD You’ve known me all these years, D’Artagnan. Have I ever broken a promise? D’ARTAGNAN No. BILLIARD That’s because a man’s value come from his word. It comes from the truth that he creates. (beat) You don’t want to fight me, do you? D’ARTAGNAN Actually, I do. I’ve been searchin’ round for the people who sent me to jail. And I found ‘em. All of ‘em. In one day. (beat) I’m a lucky guy. BILLIARD Indeed. (beat)
77. BILLIARD (CONT'D) Will you let me finish this glass of champagne before we go?
D’ARTAGNAN Sure. Billiard sips his champagne. He takes out Delilah. BILLIARD This is yours. You’re going to need it. D’ARTAGNAN Thanks. Billiard finishes his champagne. He smashes it against the hull and goes for the kill. D’Artagnan dodges and cocks Delilah. Billiard hits his arm on the release, making the shot go elsewhere. The helicopter starts spiralling out of control. The pilot is dead. Billiard begins strangling D’Artagnan, but he cocks Delilah and aims. Billiard lets go and rips Delilah out of D’Artagnan’s hands. In the background, the building explodes and collapses. He punches D’Artagnan in the stomach. D’Artagnan blocks. Toby’s body is about to fall out of the helicopter - but D’Artagnan catches it just in time. Billiard gets his glass and slashes at D’Artagnan’s ribs. He throws Toby back into the helicopter and punches Billiard. D’Artagnan also hits the glass, shattering it all, but at the cost of some nerve damage in his left hand. BILLIARD You usually don’t fight so recklessly! D’ARTAGNAN Exceptions have to be made for life and death situations!
D’Artagnan puts Billiard in a chokehold, and squeezes. Billiard uses the spinning of the helicopter to his advantage and slips out of the hold. The helicopter is now rapidly descending to a warehouse. D’Artagnan grabs Delilah and shoots, piercing Billiard through the lower shoulder. He cocks again, and shoots. Hits Billiard in the arm. Billiard cries out and grabs Delilah - and rips it out of D’Artagnan’s hands. The helicopter is about to crash land. Billiard roars and leaps out of the helicopter while grabbing onto D’Artagnan. They land on the not-wrecked part of the roof. The wind is knocked out of both of them as they try to recover. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) You fuckin’ crazy bastard! BILLIARD Anything to get the job done... Billiard aims Delilah at D’Artagnan and pulls the trigger. Click. Click. BILLIARD (CONT’D) Shit, a singleD’ARTAGNAN Yeah! D’Artagnan tackles Billiard and rips Delilah from his hands. He cocks her. As he pulls the trigger, the roof collapses. The bullet hits nothing as both of them fall onto the ground, near the chopper.
A piece of rubble lands on Billiard’s leg. Fractures it. He slowly drags himself up and over to the chopper. Billiard takes out Toby (still unconscious). He takes a pistol from the helicopter and holds it up to Toby’s temple. BILLIARD Come on, get up. Get up or I’m going to kill this man. Billiard smacks Toby around. He wakes up. BILLIARD (CONT’D) What’s your name, boy? TOBY Toby, it’s Toby. Where’s Bill? BILLIARD Well, Toby, welcome to the next game of Grudge Match. You’re our next lucky contestant! TOBY What? BILLIARD If Mr. McAffrey does not show himself in less than 10 seconds, I’m afraid you’ll get your head blown off. Or worse. D’Artagnan stands up, Billiard can see him. BILLIARD (CONT’D) Very good. Next step. (beat) Come on, come closer! D’Artagnan slowly walks towards Billiard. Billiard pulls out a pool ball and throws it at D’Artagnan. He rolls out of the way and dodges the cleverly disguised bomb. BILLIARD (CONT’D) Excellent. Ooh, sorry, we ran out of time. Billiard shoots, and sends a bullet through Toby’s skull.
BILLIARD (CONT’D) Just wanted to see you out here, D’Artagnan. Because I’m going to kill you now. D’ARTAGNAN Fuck you, boss. BILLIARD I thought we were going to have some intelligent conversation, but that’s out of the window now, you vengeful bastard. D’ARTAGNAN I promised that I was going to kill everyone responsible. BILLIARD And a man is only as much as his contracts. D’ARTAGNAN Damn right. Billiard points the gun at D’Artagnan, and pulls the trigger. D’Artagnan drops immediately and responds with his own gunshot. It hits Billiard in the chest. BILLIARD I’m done. I can’t move anymore. (beat) Satisfied? D’ARTAGNAN No. Not yet, anyway. BILLIARD Can I at least have some final words with you? D’ARTAGNAN Sure. Billiard falls down, and D’Artagnan sits next to him. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) You’re not gonna pull no shit, are you?
BILLIARD No. I’m too tired. Billiard sighs and takes out two cigars. He puts one in his mouth and hands the other to D’Artagnan. He lights both of them with a nice lighter. BILLIARD (CONT’D) How old am I now, D’Artagnan? D’ARTAGNAN Almost 65, by my count. BILLIARD 65, and still trying to play the game. What a fool. D’ARTAGNAN You’re still decent. Pretty decent. BILLIARD I’m old. D’ARTAGNAN Held me longer than any of our guys ever had. Much longer. BILLIARD You were holding back. I can tell. D’ARTAGNAN That’s bullshit. I want to kill you. BILLIARD You don’t want to kill me D’Artagnan. You just made that promise, without knowing it included me. D’ARTAGNAN I have to kill you. BILLIARD Out of respect. D’ARTAGNAN No it’s noBILLIARD A man is only as good as his contracts, D’Artagnan. And I’m the last one on that contract.
D’ARTAGNAN Yeah. Yeah you are. BILLIARD D’Artagnan. I’m proud of you. Very proud. (beat) You’re a better man than me. D’ARTAGNAN I’d like to think so. Both of them laugh. BILLIARD You’ve been through so much, but you are still the same young man that I trained. The exact same one. (beat) I would say I’m sorry for accepting that deal. But I’m not. D’ARTAGNAN Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s just business. I knew that goin’ in. BILLIARD Just business. I was so stupid. I don’t know why I would do this to you. Even if you thought the same way I do. D’ARTAGNAN It’s okay, boss. BILLIARD You’re my son, D’Artagnan. May not be from my flesh and blood, but you’re sure as fucking hell my boy. D’ARTAGNAN Damn right. BILLIARD Even if I made the wrong choices, you made the right one. I’m proud of you, boy. (beat) Fulfill your contract. Make it right. D’Artagnan cocks Delilah again. Ready.
Aim. BILLIARD (CONT’D) I love you, boy. Fire. He kills Billiard. D’ARTAGNAN I love you too, boss. INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY - MOMENTS LATER Bill awakens. He’s a real heavy sleeper. He doesn’t know where he is. A dead pilot is on top of him. BILL Oh, come on! D’ARTAGNAN Bill, you awake? BILL Yeah, yeah, I’m up. Fucking chinaman took air from my lungs. D’ARTAGNAN Yeah, they’re like that. Bill attempts to climb out of the helicopter rubble. BILL Toby’s dead? D’ARTAGNAN Yup. BILL Guess that biopic’s never getting made, huh? D’ARTAGNAN I don’t even remember what a biopic is, man. BILL What about Billiard?
D’ARTAGNAN Yeah. He’s dead. BILL What about the rest of the crazy gang and his henchmen? D’ARTAGNAN Dead. BILL What about the charges around the city? D’ARTAGNAN False threat. BILL Who did it? D’ARTAGNAN Manny McAffrey. Also known as James Cuper. Guy in charge ofBILL Cuper National. Shit. Your dad? D’ARTAGNAN Don’t worry about it, he’s dead. BILL Well, now, don’t we have a nice and neat case. All fine and dandy. Wrapped up like a present on Christmas. D’ARTAGNAN I guess you can say that. BILL Sorry about your dad. Must have been really hard. D’ARTAGNAN Yeah. Yeah it was. BILL Thanks for saving my life. D’ARTAGNAN Oh yeah. No problem. No problem. D’Artagnan is still in the same spot he was, before he killed Billiard. He’s crying.
BILL You’ll be okay, right? D’ARTAGNAN Yeah. I’m a stone-cold killer, after all. They laugh. Bill helps D’Artagnan up. BILL Where are we? D’ARTAGNAN Some warehouse. We crashed here after you guys got put in a helicopter. BILL How long? D’ARTAGNAN I’ve been here an hour or so. Bill looks around and the only source of light is from outdoors. The warehouse is also locked. Bill notices the cigar. BILL Are you smoking a cigar? Where the hell you get that from? D’ARTAGNAN Boss man. BILL Didn’t you kill boss man? D’ARTAGNAN Don’t worry about it. BILL Speaking of worries... (beat) I’ve been thinking. D’ARTAGNAN Oh this don’t sound too good.
BILL This could’ve been an explosion. I could’ve been knocked out. You could’ve escaped. D’ARTAGNAN What do you mean- oh. BILL It happens all the time, D. You could do it. And everyone would be none the wiser. D’ARTAGNAN My choice? Live free spend the cases for out early BILL the rest of your life, or rest of your life doing the cops trying to get for good behavior.
D’ARTAGNAN You make it sound so easy. BILL Yes or no. Pretty easy. D’ARTAGNAN Bill, I can’t. I swore. BILL Oh, we both know that’s just a load of horse shit. D’ARTAGNAN No it’s not, shut your fucking mouth! D’Artagnan shakes with fury. BILL Jesus, sorry. Really, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you took it that seriously. You know, because of what you do. D’ARTAGNAN A man is only as strong as his contracts allow him.
BILL Right. I almost forgot. (beat) Who told you that? D’ARTAGNAN My father. Bill and D’Artagnan sit in silence next to eachother. They are still for a while. D’Artagnan occasionally puffs his cigar. He takes out Delilah and cleans her with his shirt. Bill sees Toby’s dead body. BILL Shit, I have to explain to them how Toby died. D’ARTAGNAN Shot to the head. BILL I know that part, dumbass. D’ARTAGNAN Of course you do. BILL So you coming back to the station with me? We have to explain the situation. FBI’s got tight sphincters. D’ARTAGNAN Yeah, yeah, I’m comin’. Got nowhere else to go. BILL Right then, let’s go. D’ARTAGNAN Wait a second. D’Artagnan takes his last breath from the Cigar. He tucks it in Billiard’s shirt. It sets on fire. D’ARTAGNAN (CONT’D) A warrior’s funeral.
BILL Come on, let’s get out of here. Unless you want to do like a grave song or something. EXT. OUTSIDE OF THE WAREHOUSE - SUNSET Bill and D’Artagnan exit the warehouse and look towards the sun. They walk in the middle of the road. Bill walks with a slight swagger, and D’Artagnan walks alongside him. They walk into the sunset, and fade away while: BILL Remind me, why aren’t you leaving? D’ARTAGNAN A man is always bound by his contracts. BILL They put that on a card or something? D’ARTAGNAN No, I don’t think so. Seconds pass. BILL Oh! Because you guys have contracts and you guys are contract killers! I get it now! D’ARTAGNAN Wow, you must be a real detective, you ever thought of joining the FBI or somethin’? FADE TO BLACK. THE END.