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Rodney Ohebsion

The Other Da Vinci Code

On the internet, a lot of people have a lot to say about the Jews. And most of it is negative. I think there's something about a computer keyboard that makes people hate Jews. I guess they look at one and say, "Space Bar? Enter? Alt? Shift? ... Those son of a bitch Jews!" I once came across a YouTube comment that said Jews don't talk sports or play sports, because that doesn't make them money. I replied to that guy's comment and offered a suggestion. "Maybe we can get Jews to talk sports by putting Peyton Manning on a hundred dollar bill." Then he said, "The Jews would never allow that. They control our money, and they determine what's on it." And I told him, "No we don't. I'm Jewish, and we don't control whose picture is on a hundred dollar bill. We do, however, get a four and a half cent commission any time a Gentile gets change for a dollar." And he said, "That sounds like you Jews. Why don't you take your hands out of our pockets, and use them to play a sport? Or instead of talking about interest rates, talk about sports." Then I countered, "I'm pretty sure I've heard some Jews talk sports before. In fact, I've even seen some Jews play sports. Actual Jews. They wore sneakers, picked up a ball, and did some actual running and throwing." And he replied, "Bullshit. I'll believe that when I see it." So I posted a link to a White Supremacist National Geographic video where three explorers take a jeep to Los Angeles's Jewish district. There's a part where one of them narrates: "Oh my goodness. This is a rarity. The Jew is now throwing a ball. And now he's drinking a traditional Jewish mixture of Gatorade and Gentile blood."

I also added a link to a video of Sandy "The Jew" Koufax pitching in Game 7 of the 1965 World Series. Koufax strikes out ten batters, and gives up three hits and no runs. And then they hand him an award for Most Valuable Economist. "Koufax is so good with money, that he used an interest rate changeup to strike out Harmon Killebrew. And then he foreclosed on his home." Some people think that Jews control the world. And most of those people are very eager to bring up the Jews--to the point where it doesn't really matter when or where they do it. It doesn't have to be on YouTube or at home. It could be anywhere. "I'll have the steak, a baked potato, a side of rice--and by the way, Jews control the world. Don't forget. Write it down on your pad. 'Jews control the world.' [Waiter:] "Um. OK, sir. And how would you like your steak cooked?" [Customer:] "Medium well. Israel is garbage. So in summary, Jews control the world and Israel is garbage. That's the main theme here. This isn't really about my order. That's not why I'm here. I don't care if you bring me a medium well steak, a bucket of the Colonel's chicken, or a pound of Crisco. I'll give you a $20 tip if you hate Jews, and a $0 tip if you support Israel." The internet's loaded with comments on how the Jews control the world. Many of those comments point out how some Federal Reserve officers are Jews. And that's why I called up Jew headquarters and told them, "We got a problem. People are on to us. Half of YouTube knows what's going on. You know what? We should stop telling everyone that Ben Bernanke is the Fed's chairman. After all, we're supposed to control the worldsecretly--remember? We forgot to do the secret thing with the Fed. Let's have a press conference tomorrow. We'll point to some Native American guy and say, 'This is Federal Reserve Chief Green Coyote. He's in charge of everything. '" That's the main problem I have with our secret world domination. We're not using enough Native American figureheads. When people see Alan Greenspan or Ben Bernanke, they're suspicious. But no one's going to look at a Native American guy and be suspicious. "Ben Bernanke wants to steal my money. But Green Coyote just wants me to live in harmony with nature. That's why he changed the Fed's interest rates." But even if we divert people's attention away from your Greenspans and Bernankes, they'll still bring up the Rothschilds--a well known Jewish family in the banking industry. According Forbes magazine, they're worth $10 billion.

But according to YouTube and internet forums, they're worth $500 trillion, and they're hiding $499.99 trillion of it. I asked my friend on YouTube if the Rothschilds have a few trillion $100 bills under their mattress. And he told me. "Most of the world's 'mattress factories' are actually just hiding places for the Rothschilds' money." $500 trillion. And that's just one Jewish family. What about all of the world's other Jews? Like Steven Spielberg. He's probably worth at least $10 trillion. And Bernie Schlomowitz. I don't even know who that is--but if he exists, he's worth $5 trillion. After all, his name is Bernie Schlomowitz. According to the internet, that means he's partners with the Rothschilds and Steven Spielberg. Not only do some people think that Jews control the world, they also think Jews are responsible for almost all of the world's problems. Like that guy I came across on YouTube. He posts ten comments a day about that, and adds to his never ending list of what he thinks the Jews have done. It would be much easier for him to just list what he thinks Jews aren't responsible for. "The Jews had nothing to do with Hurricane Katrina, the bankruptcy of Borders, the Exxon Valdez oil spill, and the four pounds I gained in 2003. Now let me give you an idea of what the Jews did do. Everything else. There you go. I'm done. Now I can stop posting comments about Jews, and spend more time watching cat videos and Scott Baio interviews." That'll really take away the appeal of that guy's manifesto. It used to be 34,000 pages about what the Jews have done. But now it's just a 2 page book. "Part One: 'The Jews aren't responsible for these four things...' Part Two: 'They're responsible for everything else.'" If he wants that book to become popular, he should make it a mystery novel like The Da Vinci Code. At the very end, you discover how a Jew named Herschel Rosenberg is worth $973 quadrillion, and controls almost everything, including the Rothschilds. If you want proof, just look at the way Mona Lisa's arms are crossed. If they turn that book into a movie, I don't think Steven Spielberg is going to direct it.

Adam Sandler: Public Enemy Number One

A few months ago, I watched an interview of a white supremacist family with a cute little nine year old girl and her eleven year old brother telling us how Jews are bastards. I can just envision a scene in a home like that. A kid says, "OK mom--I'm going to school." And the mother replies, "OK honey. Don't forget to take your lunch. And don't forget to hate the Jews." You have to remind kids to hate Jews--because they might get preoccupied with something else. But by the time they're adults, they don't need any more reminders. Even if they have amnesia. [Doctor:] "What's your name?" [Man with Amnesia:] "I don't know." [Doctor:] "How did you get here?" [Man with Amnesia:] "I don't know." [Doctor:] "Where are you from?" [Man with Amnesia:] "Definitely not Tel Aviv. I don't know who I am--but I know that I hate Jews." And then ten minutes later, he's watching headline news: "In related news, Israel..." [Man with Amnesia:] "ISRAEL! Sons of bitches! Who the hell do they think they are! Oh--wait a second. I remember everything. I'm Bob Smith from Little Rock. And my least favorite movie is You Don't Mess with the Zohan. Adam Sandler is a piece of shit. He's partners with the Rothschilds, Steven Spielberg, and Bernie Schlomowitz." Bob ties almost everything he does into his hatred of Jews. When he's at a gas station, instead of seeing a gallon of gas go from the pump into his tank, he sees $4.30 going out of his credit card and into the Jewish pocket. He can't take it. He ends up buying an electric car. Someone sees it and asks him, "Are you an environmentalist?" And he replies, "No--I just hate Jews." Then he goes to a golf course. And as he plays, he thinks, "Damn sand traps! The Jews want us to spend all of our time trying to hit balls out of sand. While they're foreclosing on our homes. By the way, I hate Happy Gilmore."

Imagine him looking for a wife. [Friend:] "Bob--I heard you broke up with Mindy." [Bob:] "Yeah. We had some good times. I was going to marry her. ... But she just doesn't hate Jews enough." How did he find that out. He went through Mindy's computer, and discovered that she went to Netflix and watched You Don't Mess with the Zohan and Happy Gilmore. And then when she got home, he said, "You no good, low down liar." [Mindy:] "Bob--I don't know what you're talking about." [Bob:] "Don't bullshit me. I went through your computer." [Mindy:] "Oh. ... OK. Fine, Bob. ... I hate the Jews--but sometimes I don't hate them that much." [Bob:] "Get out of my house right now. You're not fit to raise my kids. You're not going to remind them to hate the Jews. I want my kids to be raised in an Adam Sandler free household." Whenever Bob comes across a new white person he hates, he thinks to himself, "I hope he's Jewish." It's a recurring theme in his life. "That son of a bitch. ... I hope he's Jewish." He usually doesn't even even pass judgment on someone until he finds out if he's Jewish. Like most white supremacists, he's extremely non-judgmental before he knows if someone's a Jew. "What do you think of So and So?" [Bob:] "Well, I don't know. I mean, I don't know the guy. I might hate him. But he seems like he might be OK. Or maybe he's not. I don't know. I don't really have an opinion on the guy." And then three hours later. "He's Jewish? Son of a bitch! I hate that piece of shit." In 2008, he flipped on the news and heard, "Some guy in the financial industry stole billions of dollars. His name is Bernie Madoff." Then he thought, "Oh please let him be Jewish, please let him be Jewish, please let him be Jewish." He Googled "Bernie Madoff Jewish." And the Wikipedia result said, "Madoff's grandparents were Jewish emigrants." YES! Exactly what he wanted to hear. "This is confirmation of all of my theories, and my entire worldview. We caught the Jews red-handed." Suddenly, a Jew becomes the Jews. When a Jew does something bad, he's "the Jews." As in, "Bernie Madoff a.k.a the Jews." But if a Jew were to discover the cure for cancer, he wouldn't be "the Jews" anymore.

Or maybe he would. Just imagine what would happen if Bob himself were to use the cancer cure. [Coworker:] "Where have you been?" [Bob:] "I had to take a few days off. I was feeling a litle sick. You know. Because of the Jews." [Coworker:] "What do you mean because the Jews?" [Bob] "Oh, you know. The Jewish cancer cure. It has side effects. ... Freaking Jews. Their side effects made me sick." [Coworker:] "Oh. Well. At least you don't have cancer anymore." [Bob:] "Yeah--after the Jews gave it to me. They're the ones who are behind cancer. And sand traps. And gas prices. And capitalism, communism, and socialism. And everything else, except for Hurricane Katrina, the bankruptcy of Borders, the Exxon Valdez oil spill, and the four pounds I gained in 2003. It's all in my book." A few hundred million people blame Jews for all of the world's economic problems. And collectively, they blame the Jews for the drawbacks of every single economic system there is. "Damn Jews. They invented capitalism. See what capitalism has done to the world? They invented communism. See what communism has done to the world? They invented socialism. See what socialism has done to the world?" I think anti-Semites need to get together and pick one. They should decide which system they think is the worst, and then blame the Jews for inventing it. "The Jews invented socialism! Socialism is garbage!" As opposed to suggesting that all economic systems are the worst, and all of them are Jewish creations. Or maybe we should blame someone for both settings on a light switch. "The light's on! It's using up our energy and hurting our environment. And now the light's off! We can't see what's going on anymore. The on setting is garbage. The off setting is garbage. Who invented all of this? Was it Tesla and Edison? Those sons of bithces! I'll bet the Jews put them up to it. Damn Jews!"

The Four Secrets of Zion

One of the most widely read books about Jews is Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion. Here's what it says: "Three years ago, I went undercover as a Jew named Donnie Brascowitz, spent hours a day at an L.A. Kosher Deli, and got into over-the-top debates about Palestinians, Woody Allen movies, etc. After several months of that, some

Jews at the deli invited me to their table and then into their homes and social circle. Impressed by my zealous defense of anything that in any way supported Jewish interests, they made me an inside man, and began grooming me for a career in Jewry. And months later, I found myself at a secret meeting where five of the Learned Elders of Zion told the protocols to me and 100 others. "Alvy Caponowitz started things off by saying: 'Our rightful place is to rule over everyone else. But how do we do it?' And then John Gottfried continued: 'ONE--we only do business with each other. I'll show you how it works: Jew A sells something to Jew B for $100, Jew B sells it to Jew C for $1,000, Jew C sells it to Jew D for $10,000, etc. And that way, we all get rich.' Next up was Larry Lucianbergstein: 'TWO--we manipulate the world by whining about anti-Semitism, even though it doesn't exist. We make it seem like we're a target, even though all Gentiles love the Jews and would never dream of hurting them in any way, shape, or form.' Then Bugsmeyer Seigelansky addressed us: 'THREE--we use our programming to brainwash and control the Gentiles. For instance, if we show three episodes of Mr. Belvedere and one episode of Gilligan's Island, people will vote Republican; but if we show three episodes of Gilligan's Island and one episode of Mr. Belvedere, they'll vote Democrat. And if we show ten episodes of Gilligan's Island, they'll commit suicide.' And then Jimmy Hoffenfeld said: 'And FOUR--we manipulate the Gentiles with praise, awards, and attention. That's all praise, awards, and attention are. A way for us to manipulate everyone else.' "Then Adam Sandler himself appeared and told us: 'Thanks to our use of those four tools, everything's going according to plan--aside from a few thousand major roadblocks and bumps--and we're on our way to completely taking over. And then what? We'll go after ourselves. After all--why should we stop at the Gentiles?'"

More Jewish Than Spielberg

So there's Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion. I'm not so sure it's authentic.

I'm a Jew, and I'm trying to make it in Hollywood. But no one's willing to even read my movie scripts. Am I still allowed to be mad? My last name is Ohebsion. Ohev Tzion. Love Zion. I should get an executive producer credit just for that. My last name makes "Spielberg" sound like Cross. Compared to me, he's Steven Cross. I'm the one who should be deciding Spielberg's fate. If I'm going to be blamed for things like the "Jew media," can I at least be part of the Jew media? Is that too much to ask for? If you're a Jew, let's do some conspiring. Email me. Or maybe the whole idea of a Jewish conspiracy is actually a Gentile conspiracy. They're just blaming the Jews. "Yeah--it's the Jews. It's the Jews." Says who? Maybe it's the Gentiles. And if it is, I want in on their conspiracy. Where do I sign up? I want to be part of whatever will help me sell my movie script. I also want to make it an actor. Maybe I should change my name. A lot of Jewish entertainers do that. It's happened plenty of times before. Chaim Weitz became Gene Simmons, Allan Stewart Konigsberg became Woody Allen, Amos Muzyad Yakhoob Kairouz became Danny Thomas, and Tiffany Hadassah Yehudit Zionstein Goldberg became Madonna. I'm waiting for the day a Jew does the opposite. Actor David Leibowitz will think, "You know what? I'm just going to change my name to Shimon Gentile-BloodDrinker. I want to make sure people know I'm Jewish."

Why Detroit Should be in the Middle East

It took a while for Jews and Christians to get along--but nowadays, they're generally on good terms with each other. Jews and Muslims, on the other hand, are still having some problems. That's not always the case, though. Sometimes Jews and Muslims get along very well, too. For example, there's a Synagogue in Virginia that local Muslims

sometimes use as a Mosque, and there's a Mosque in the Bronx that local Jews sometimes use as a Synagogue. But all in all, Jews and Muslims aren't as friendly as they ought to be towards each other. And their feud with each other is connected a lot to the IsraeliPalestinian conflict. Many Muslims won't even acknowledge the existence of Israel. I'll bet their schools focus a lot on geography. [Teacher:] "What country is east of Egypt?" [Students:] "Palestine." [Teacher:] "What country is west of Jordan?" [Students:] "Palestine." [Teacher:] "What country is south of Lebanon?" [Students:] "Palestine." And then the next day... [Teacher:] "OK. Geography. What country is east of Egypt?" [Students:] "Can we please study something else? We covered all of this yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before that. We get the point." [Teacher:] "No! Geography is very important! Now can anyone tell me what country is east of Egypt?" And even when they have history class, it isn't much different. [Teacher:] "Last year, what country was responsible for everything bad that happened in the world? [Students:] "Israel" [Teacher:] "And what about the year before that?" [Students:] "Israel." [Teacher:] "And what about next year?" [Students:] "Israel." And in a lot of Jewish homes, there's a similar theme in the other direction. The parents tell their kids, "Let's do some math problems. The type they don't teach you at school. Like '3 Palestinians + 4 Palestinians = 7 terrorists.'" Israel is one of the smallest countries in the world. There's not much land there. But two different groups want it. And that has led to one of the biggest conflicts in the world. Smallest country, biggest conflict. I get the feeling that the Israeli-Palestinian conflict is more about having a conflict than it is about land. Some Jews and Muslims are intent on fighting. They could fight over anything. It doesn't have to be over a small country like Israel. It could be over a small city. It could be over a small town. It could be over a small piece of land in that town. It could even be over a small part of that small piece of land.

[Palestinian:] "A Palestinian will stand on this square foot of land!" [Israeli:] "No, no, no, no. An Israeli will stand on the land." [Palestinian:] "No, no, no. A Palestinian." [Israeli:] "No, no. no. Israeli. Israeli." They'd have to work out some sort of compromise. [Palestinian:] "OK. A Palestinian will stand on it on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays; and an Israeli will stand on it on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays." [Israeli:] "What about Sundays?" [Palestinian:] "On Sundays, an Israeli will stand on it, and a Palestinian will sit on his shoulders." [Israeli:] "No, no, no, no. A Palestinian will stand on it, and an Israeli will sit on his shoulders." [Palestinian:] "What? No! Death to you!" [Israeli:] "No, death to you!" How can we get Israelis and Palestinians, and Jews and Muslims in general to get along? Maybe we should rename Israel "Detroit." That'll get them to stop fighting over it. [Palestinian:] "You take it!" [Israeli:] "No, no, no. You take it. You take Detroit." Here's a better idea. Let's get Israelis and Palestinians in a room, and have them agree on things one step at a time. Start with minor things, and work up to a land and peace agreement. [Israeli:] "What do you think of food? I like eating food." [Palestinian:] "Yes, food. Food is very good." They shouldn't mention any specific foods. That could get out of hand pretty quickly: [Israeli:] "I like chicken soup. Do you like chicken soup?" [Palestinian:] "No! I don't like chicken soup! You're working for Satan! Death to you!" So they should just stick to food in general. And then get into something else. Like sunlight. [Palestinian:] "I like sunlight." [Israeli:] "Me, too. Sunlight's very good." Then they'll move on to something else. [Israeli:] "I'm really into wars." [Palestinian:] "Me, too." [Israeli:] "Maybe we should have a war against each other." [Palestinian:] "Yes--I agree. We should do that." So they reached an agreement. That wasn't the agreement I had in mind, though. This is going to be tougher than I thought. I think Israel really needs to build some goodwill with Palestinians and Muslims in general. The Israeli government should have an organization that helps Palestinians. And I mean only Palestinians. They should open a waterpark for Palestinians. No Israelis admitted. Then Prime Minister

Netanyahu should go down to the waterpark and try to get in, only to be turned away for being Israeli. That might help the two sides get along. We should also find Islamic fundamentalists a new enemy--a new Great Satan. Let's tell the world, "Time Warner Cable said some really bad things about Islam." Here's another good idea. The US should call up countries like Pakistan and say, "Remember that $800 million in aid that we took away from you? We'll give you the money back. All you guys have to do is take one out of every ten 'Death to Americas' and 'Death to Israels,' and replace them with an 'E equals MC squared.'" If that happens, Islamic fundamentalists will turn the Muslim world into Back to the Future II within a few years. Because they're very devoted. That's an area where they lead the world. I mean, around here, some people are devoted and hardworking--but most just go through their 9 to 5 whatever. But in the Taliban, there's none of that 9 to 5 casual attitude. There's no, "OK--at 9:00, I'll do some filing. At 10:00, I'll go for a coffee break. And at 10:15, I'll launch an attack on the rest of the world. Death to Israel, death to America. And then at 6:00, I'll watch Access Hollywood." There's none of that. They're into the "Death to Israel, Death to America" thing all day long. There's no Access Hollywood. And even if they do watch Access Hollywood, they spend most of the time declaring war on Jewish celebrities and the Jew media.