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BeverlyE.

Taylor

Stress Relief
For

Your Happiness
The Easy Key to Serenity

Welcome to the Easy Key to Stress Relief with Beverly Taylor!

Stress Relief for Your Happiness


Note: This book does NOT come with any resell rights whatsoever. You may not alter this ebook in any way, shape, or form, and it must remain in this original PDF form with no changes to any of the links contained within.
DISCLAIMER AND/OR LEGAL NOTICES: This ebook is designed to provide helpful and useful advice regarding the subject matters covered. However, it is understood that the author and distributor do not engage in the practice of providing legal or professional advice and that the laws and regulations governing the subjects covered in this ebook may vary from state to state, country to country, and jurisdiction to jurisdiction. It is also understood that the author and any distributors of this ebook specifically disclaim any liability that is incurred from the use, application, or recommendations of this ebook. The author and distributors of this ebook make no representations, warranties or claims whatsoever regarding the accuracy, effectiveness, legality, or completeness of the information included in this ebook, including any and all links, references, content and recommendations therein. The author and distributor of this ebook shall in no way be held liable for any loss or other damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, accidental, or other damages. As always, legal, professional, tax, accounting, and any other forms of advice should be sought from a professional and is in no way implied in this ebook. Any and all links and recommendations are for instructional and informational purposes only and are not warranted or guaranteed for accuracy, content, reliability, or reputation, or any other expressed or implied purpose. Every effort has been made to accurately represent this information. There is no guarantee that you will earn any money using the techniques and ideas in these materials. Examples in these materials are not to be interpreted as a promise or guarantee of earnings. Earning potential is entirely dependent on the person using these ideas and techniques. Copyright Notice: 2013 Beverly E. Taylor. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Any unauthorized use, sharing, reproduction or distribution of these materials by any means, electronic, mechanical, or otherwise is strictly prohibited. No portion of these materials may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever, without the express written consent of the publisher. Published under the Copyright Laws of the Library of Congress of The United States of America, by: Beverly Taylor. Beverly E. Taylor beverly@easykeytolife.com www.easykeytostressrelief.com

2013 Beverly E. Taylor

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Stress Relief for Your Happiness

Table of Contents
I. REFOCUSING YOUR THOUGHTS .......................................................................................................1 A. B. C. D. A. B. C. D. HOW DOES YOUR BODY EXPRESS STRESS TO YOU?...............................................................................1 RECOGNIZE YOUR MESSAGE IN YOUR BODY ..........................................................................................1 STRESS AND PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS .........................................................................................................1 USING THE POWER OF REFOCUSING!.......................................................................................................1 EVEN HAPPY EVENTS CAN FEEL STRESSFUL ..........................................................................................2 DURING STRESS WE CAN ACCIDENTALLY LOWER OUR OXYGEN LEVELS .............................................2 BREATHING EXERCISE .............................................................................................................................3 IMAGINE A PEACEFUL SCENE ..................................................................................................................3

II. BREATHING DEEPLY ...........................................................................................................................2

III. ENCOURAGING SELF-TALK.............................................................................................................3 A. WE ARE BORN WITH NO OPINION ABOUT OURSELVES ...........................................................................3 B. APPRECIATE YOUR ABILITIES AND TALENTS ..........................................................................................4 C. MANAGE YOUR STRESS BY TALKING NICELY ABOUT YOURSELF TO YOURSELF ....................................4 IV. SIMPLIFY YOUR ROUTINE ...............................................................................................................5 A. B. C. D. MAKE YOUR SPACE LESS STRESSFUL ..................................................................................................5 WE CREATE HABITS BY REPEATING THE SAME ACTION ........................................................................5 CHOOSE SOMETHING SIMPLE AND BEGIN................................................................................................5 SMILE AS YOU REMIND AND REWARD YOURSELF ..................................................................................6

V. RESPECT YOURSELF AND OTHERS ................................................................................................6 A. CHOICE NUMBER ONE .............................................................................................................................6 B. CHOICE NUMBER TWO ............................................................................................................................6 C. CHOICE NUMBER THREE .........................................................................................................................7 VI. EXPECT REASONABLE LIMITS OF YOURSELF..........................................................................7 A. YOU ARE DESIGNED TO ACT BY REASONABLE LIMITS............................................................................8 B. BE A PEOPLE SERVER INSTEAD OF A PEOPLE PLEASER ...........................................................................8 VII. FINDING YOUR INNER PEACEFULNESS .....................................................................................9 A. PEACEFUL RELAXATION IS IN YOUR MIND .............................................................................................9 B. YOUR INNER UNLIMITED RESOURCES .....................................................................................................9 C. SIMPLE STEPS TO YOUR INNER PEACEFULNESS.......................................................................................9 VIII. BE GENTLE ON YOURSELF..........................................................................................................10 A. B. C. D. E. ARE YOU EVERYTHING TO EVERYONE? ...............................................................................................10 ONLY SUPER HEROES CAN FLY.............................................................................................................10 WHO SAID SO? ......................................................................................................................................11 WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR YOUR CHILD?..........................................................................................11 THINK GENTLE THOUGHTS ....................................................................................................................11

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IX. PURPOSEFUL LAUGHTER ...............................................................................................................12 A. B. C. D. LAUGH AT YOURSELF............................................................................................................................12 CHOOSE TO LAUGH EVERY DAY ...........................................................................................................12 HERE IS A FUNNY ONE...........................................................................................................................12 LAUGHING RELEASES ENDORPHINS ......................................................................................................13

X. IMPORTANT HORMONES FOR STRESS RELIEF AND WELL BEING....................................14 A. OXYTOCIN - BLISSFUL HORMONE FOR FEMININE STRESS RELIEF .........................................................14 1. What Oxytocin is...............................................................................................................................14 2. Oxytocin Stimulators ........................................................................................................................14 3. Ways for a Woman to create Oxytocin .............................................................................................15 4. Why Give a Woman Oxytocin? (i.e., Whats in it for me?) ..............................................................17 5. Ways for a Lover to Give a Woman Oxytocin ..................................................................................17 6. How Not to Give Oxytocin................................................................................................................20 B. TESTOSTERONE AWESOME HORMONE FOR MALE STRESS RELIEF .....................................................20 1. What Testosterone is.........................................................................................................................20 2. Testosterone Stimulators ..................................................................................................................20 3. Ways for a Man to create Testosterone ............................................................................................21 4. Why Give a Man Testosterone? (i.e., Whats in it for me?) .............................................................22 5. Ways for a Lover to Give a Man Testosterone .................................................................................23 6. How Not to Give Testosterone..........................................................................................................23 XI. SUMMARY ............................................................................................................................................25 XII. ABOUT THE AUTHOR......................................................................................................................25

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Stress Relief for Your Happiness I.


A.

Refocusing Your Thoughts


How Does Your Body Express Stress to You?

Past a few small similarities, every persons physical reaction to stress is completely individual. Some of us feel our stress in the tightness of our neck and shoulders, some in our stomach, some by an extra half dozen bathroom visits. The list could be endless. Your bodys telling you something is not right. Your body is literally sending you a message calling out to you for help. Will you improve your health and reduce your stress by recognizing your bodys stress as a call for help? Here are simple and powerful things you can choose to do

B.

Recognize Your Message in Your Body

I do not know a single person (or married person, for that matter) who is completely stress free. Daily, every persons body expresses stress in its own way. Do you continually do nothing to relieve the stress your body expresses? Is there danger for you in taking no action to relieve stress? Your body is capable of processing a larger, louder stress message (perhaps an illness), when you ignore your health and wellness.

C.

Stress and Physical Symptoms

Yes, some stresses may be around you, in ways which are beyond your control to change. You may have a loved one who is ill, or may even be stressed by some of the good things in life! Getting married and moving are both happy AND stressful. You cannot hope to control every stressful thing in your work, family and personal relationships. So, how about beginning now to regularly DO WHAT YOU CAN DO to relieve stress?

D.

Using the Power of Refocusing!

Close your eyes and focus your mind on the places where stress is expressing itself. Accept and acknowledge the feelings in your body which you are experiencing. Many tasks, challenges or difficulties may have caused stressful

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symptoms for you. Slowly inhale and exhale. Imagine a soothing release of the tightness, pressure or specific symptom you feel. Picture each separate symptom being calmed, relaxed, and completely released. Pretend you hear comforting words that really help you feel better. Visualize and feel embraced in peaceful calmness. Imagine a long vacation where you spend your time truly relaxed. Stresses may always be here with you. You have power in choosing to physically relax your stress symptoms. Choose a few minutes of calm and relaxation as if they are mini vacations from stress. Do this whenever you notice yourself feeling stressed. Relax your stress both now and in the future.

II. Breathing Deeply


A. Even Happy Events Can Feel Stressful
After entering about a zillion contests, you finally won something. Two weeks ago, the company representative called on the phone. He told you to expect your prize in the mail soon. You feel so excited to get your prize, your chest feels tight. Whats a simple thing you can do to manage your happy stress? B-r-e-a-t-h-e!

B.

During Stress We Can Accidentally Lower Our Oxygen Levels

We maintain life within when we breathe in life-giving oxygen. After we breathe in life-giving oxygen, we need to breathe out life taking carbon dioxide. When we breathe shallowly, we are breathing in less oxygen than when we breathe diaphragmatically. From birth, we are designed to breathe very efficiently from the diaphragm. But somewhere along the way, many of us forget how to breathe naturally. Natural breathing is breathing from the diaphragm rather than in shallow, short bursts. Sometimes when we feel excited, that's actually stressful to the body. Simply by deeply inhaling and then exhaling, we will begin to balance our breathing rhythm. When we balance our breathing rhythm we actually increase our oxygen intake. When we nourish our bodys cells with life-giving oxygen, everything runs more smoothly.

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C. Breathing Exercise

Imagine that your lungs are like two balloons. Put your hands about where your kidneys are on your back, palms against your skin. This may be easier for you to do sitting down. Breathe in deeply from the diaphragm. Inhale deeply in such a way that you can actually feel, using the palms of your hands on top of your kidney area, your back expand and then relax. That is diaphragmatic breathing. As babies we naturally breathe diaphragmatically. When we get older, somehow we forget about breathing the best way for us. When you feel excited, such as in the example of this article, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to remember to slowly and calmly diaphragmatically breathe.

D.

Imagine a Peaceful Scene

Along with diaphragmatically breathing, imagine a peaceful scene in your mind. Perhaps this is a favorite vacation plays that you actually visited. Maybe this is an imaginary happy place you're making up right on the spot. It could be that this mind image is a picture you saw in a magazine that seemed very calm and relaxing to you. Whatever the scene in your mind is, make it a peaceful one. Notice that you feel very calm and in control in this mind image, and that you are diaphragmatically breathing. If you intentionally choose to act out the calm image you see in your mind, you can easily manage your stress.

III. Encouraging Self-talk


A. We Are Born with No Opinion about Ourselves
Are you your own best friend even during times you make mistakes? Do you talk to yourself respectfully even when you see yourself acting in a less than perfect way? Do you appreciate your talents and remind yourself of all the progress that youve made thus far during your life? When you like who you are, it shows. By talking to yourself respectfully and in encouraging ways you can reduce your stress.

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We are actually born with no opinion about ourselves. Our mind is a clean slate as far as self opinions. As babies, we are totally dependent upon those around us to model behavior. Now sometimes people will model behavior to us that is selflimiting. For those people who model self-limiting behavior to us, we can consider that model now as just one opinion that we could believe or not believe. Because we are able to think any thought we choose to think, we are free to like who we are.

B.

Appreciate Your Abilities and Talents

You are a unique person. Nobody else has your talents for being you. In the world, you might meet people with self-serving opinions. People with self-serving opinions might try to convince others about their superiority over others. If you hear somebody trying to tell you that nobody appreciates you, and you choose to feel stressed out about it, remember youre merely hearing a story. Remember, insecure people actually have no authority to dictate the terms of someone elses life. If you hear an unbelievable story about your personal value from someone else, you are free to make up a self-approving story about you. It's always much more enjoyable to like yourself than it is to believe the ridiculous rantings of an insecure person.

C.

Manage Your Stress by Talking Nicely about Yourself to Yourself

Here's a technique I use myself when I hear other people try to convince me I am unacceptable for some reason. I hear their story, then I recall some of my accomplishments. As I focus on my accomplishments, I talk to myself. I say respectful ideas like, Remember when you learned how to tie your shoes? You came into this world knowing only how to smile, how to cry and mess in your diapers. Look at how far you have come! Im proud to be awesome. I feel happy to be me."

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Stress Relief for Your Happiness IV. Simplify Your Routine


A. Make Your Space Less Stressful
Did you know reducing clutter and mess actually reduces your minds stress level? Everything that comes into your range of vision is processed and recognized, then stored in your brain. The more clutter, the more processing in your brain. Your brain sees and identifies the objects, their size, color, location, etc. You are also processing feelings about what you see. You can feel stressed by messiness. Your mind replays old criticisms about mess or clutter. Whether you have stacks of clutter, or just a clutter corner, theres an easy way to stress relief. Clear your space and sooth your mind

B.

We Create Habits By Repeating the Same Action

Yes, we humans live by habit. Once we learn something we tend to repeat it in same way, unless we have a reason to learn another method. Habits feel comfortable. Mostly, we like and just accept our habits as normal. People naturally resist change. So, how do we change without feeling uncomfortable?

C.

Choose Something Simple and Begin

Begin one step at a time. If you have clutter on the kitchen or bathroom counter, a stack of shoes at the front door, and more just choose one thing to change! Does one sound too small if you have tried to change your habits before and failed? Start by letting go of any unhelpful beliefs you might have that changing your routine is too much for you to manage. Actually, if you focus on changing just one part of a clutter cycle, you can surprise yourself. This is how you start a new helpful habit - with just one step in the direction you want to go!

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D. Smile as You Remind and Reward Yourself

You could decide you are going to focus on putting your shoes inside the hall closet. Maybe just putting your toiletries away off the bathroom counter would be helpful. You can set up a file for monthly bills rather than seeing them spread out on the kitchen counter every day. Decide it will be easy. Choose just one. Tape a sign or picture to the place where you want to keep whatever you are putting away. Make this reminder a happy face, or Over Here! sign, or a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Youll smile and feel rewarded every time you take that extra step for yourself. Taking charge of your surroundings will feel great. Changes that make you feel happy will become easier and easier for you. Other people may even notice a change in you, and ask what your secret is!

V. Respect Yourself and Others


You feel afraid to face the unknown. Youre in a brand new job with new people and new job tasks. You walk in to your new office and sit down at your desk. You lean back too far and fall over. What do you do next?

1. Choice Number One


You could swear at the chair. Many of us have blamed an inanimate object for feeling inadequate during the unexpected. And doggone it, that chair should have known to warn you about its quirky characteristic feature of uninhibited seat flexibility. But it didnt, so by all rights it should apologize to you for flipping you over, especially on your first day on the new job.

2. Choice Number Two


Or, you could get up brush yourself off, go out into the hall and rant at the first passer-by. You are trying to get revenge on the office prankster you know intentionally sabotaged you. Every office has one you know, a secret prankster,

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waiting to make new people look foolish. Yes, vengeance for this inexcusable yet intentional sabotage is definitely another option.

3. Choice Number Three


Respect yourself and others and chalk the incident off to a coincidence. If you think someone is out to get you maybe you need to explore the reasons why you would think such a thought. By respecting yourself and others, you put yourself in a power position. Even if somebody did purposely sabotage your chair just to see how you would handle yourself, youve got one chance to a first impression. Rather than think at the level of an office prankster, if there is such a prankster, choose to respect yourself. Respect the idea that you are a quality person. When the unexpected happens, manage stress by respecting yourself and those around you. In the long term, it will pay off for you. When you choose the point of view of respecting yourself and others, you can feel peace inside. Knowing that you act professionally at work increases self esteem. When you feel good about you, thats a great way to manage stressful situations. Managing your stress well makes your day much better. Stay out of the office politics and you are on the high road. Show respect by acting patient, speaking respectfully whether a person is present or not. Genuinely intend good no matter what you are doing. An easy way to have a good day every day is to choose the high road.

VI. Expect Reasonable Limits of Yourself


Each person has limits. When we act within reasonable limits of actual ability we put ourselves in a powerful position. Try to do the impossible and youll stress yourself out. Here are some ideas on feeling comfortable about acting within and expecting reasonable limits of yourself.

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A. You are Designed to Act by Reasonable Limits

You know those one size fits all t-shirts? That usually means the size is just up to extra large. Well, can you imagine a 5X size person fitting into a one size fits all t-shirt? That may be an unreasonable expectation. There is value recognizing there is actually no such thing as one size fits all. If there was truth to one size fits all, the entire world would only be colored one color. We would only eat one food. There would only be one type of house in which to live. How boring! Do you think you are supposed to be a one size fits all type of person? Remember that no one can be all things to all people at all times, and thats OK

B.

Be a People Server Instead of a People Pleaser

Do you know the difference between serving people and pleasing people? Serving people means you know when to use the word no. You feel comfortable establishing standards or boundaries and sticking to them. One of those standards is only doing things that you are ethically comfortable doing. When you decide ahead of time what your standards are, you can stick to them. Then, when you get into worldly situations you have a guide book. Having a guide book provides structure of what you prefer. If somebody asks you to violate your standards you already know what you are going to choose to do. The world contains people who act very demanding. They are very driven in their goals. This is a great quality unless the drive excessively requests others to act at their own unnecessary expense. If you do something at your unnecessary expense you demonstrate the behavior of a people pleaser. If you please people at your own expense you stop your own personal development. Doing actions which you know are wrong, is stressful. To manage this type of stress, choose to be a people server instead of a people pleaser. Doing so, you expect and act according to reasonable limits of yourself. You know what your healthy limits are.

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Stress Relief for Your Happiness VII. Finding Your Inner Peacefulness
A. Peaceful Relaxation IS in Your Mind
You have a wonderful knowledge and natural gift inside yourself that you may not have used yet. Deep inside you is a huge pool of calm, understanding and connection with peace. Yet your conscious mind may always seem, or feel stressed, to you. Are you too busy sorting details, accomplishing tasks, or trying to stay on schedule, to ever experience your own inner peace? The gift of peace, acceptance and much more is already inside you. Heres how to touch it, to feel it

B.

Your Inner Unlimited Resources

Below the busy surface layer of your conscious mind lies your peaceful pool of inner calm, and truthful knowledge. Deep inside you, past your thoughts, memories and internal criticisms is unlimited love, support and acceptance. We all have needs, and we all have wonderful inner resources. Once you begin thinking about that peaceful place inside you, feeling that peacefulness is just a few steps away.

C.

Simple Steps to Your Inner Peacefulness

It is very likely that after reading these steps just once, you will remember them, and quickly move towards your own peacefulness. The following steps are very simple and easy to repeat. Use them whenever you want to experience deep relaxation. (Remember; never use this type of relaxation process while operating machinery of any kind!) 1. Find a comfortable position in which to sit or lie down for a few minutes on your own 2. Close your eyes (so its easy for you to focus inside) 3. Breathe five deep, calming breaths, focusing on becoming completely aware of all the feelings in your physical body 4. With each and every long, slow breath you inhale, you notice yourself relaxing more and more

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5. With each and every long, slow breath you exhale, your tension flows easily and smoothly away from your body 6. See all your cares as clouds 7. See them slowing down dissolving fading completely away until only peaceful feelings remain 8. Focus on the peacefulness you prefer, and imagine that peacefulness filling all your needs, calming every part of you 9. Feel the gentle peacefulness, completely supporting and relaxing all parts of you body, mind and soul 10. Freely accept the feeling of peace within you. Appreciate the life you feel, within your body. When you choose to feel aware of the world around you again, youll easily do so. Choosing to experience your inner peacefulness every day actively improves your wellness. Enjoy!

VIII. Be Gentle on Yourself


A. Are You Everything To Everyone?
Can you work, cook, clean, parent, create masterpieces, and tame lions? Jump tall buildings in a single bound? When I have on my Wonder Woman costume I can occasionally but not on Wednesdays, after Ive been to the gym. OK, Im joking but does this sound like your schedule? Do you set your daily pace so fast that when you finally sit down, exhaustion sets in? How about easing up on yourself to reduce your stress load just a little? These tips will feel good, and might even make you smile

B.

Only Super Heroes Can Fly

Have you looked at your expectations lately? Without a bulletproof suit, or a jet rocket pack, why are you willing to take on far more than feels good, to take care of everything? Even if you do look good in lycra, where is your super human strength going to come from? Give yourself permission to rest your jets.

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C. Who Said So?

Who said you were responsible for everything? Did you actually agree, or did you just fall into doing too much? Write a list of what others want of you. Write a list of what you want from yourself. Are they the same? Are they too much? Cross off everything not essential to living air, food, water and shelter. Look at each other item. What is your reward for doing all the other tasks? See a way to lessen the time you have promised to others.

D.

What Would You Do for Your Child?

Maybe a lot of the things you do are for others. You love them and want the best for them dont you? Why would you want less for yourself? What about the child in you? What would you do to show love, support and encouragement to your young child? In the Spring go in the garden and make mud pies then decorate them with twigs, and leaves and grass! In the Summer - go outside and run through the sprinklers, walk in your bare feet In the Autumn go play and jump in a huge pile of leaves In the Winter go make snowmen or snow angels Be patient with yourself Forgive yourself for only being human Approve of yourself the way you are right now Appreciate your special talents Celebrate the progress you have made so far Give yourself a hug

E.

Think Gentle Thoughts

Reduce stress by choosing to think gentle thoughts. Focusing on negative thoughts and feelings such as anger, judgment, fear or worry will just get you more of the same. Instead, practice switching to gentle neutral or positive thoughts. The more you do this, the more your mind will do it automatically.

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Stress Relief for Your Happiness IX. Purposeful Laughter


I have heard that some sects of monks actually begin each day by intentionally laughing. When we laugh we release stress. We also increase serotonin the natural feel good hormone. In this article lets laugh! Robin Williams starred as Patch Adams, a doctor who believed humor and play are essential to physical and emotional health. He organized groups of people to visit patients dresses as clowns. Laughing is good for you. As a result of Patch Adams doing things to make his patients laugh, they felt better as they were recovering. When we choose to laugh, we actually create body wellness. Chemical reactions in the body due to laughing lead to balance and wellness. So, laughing on purpose is a great way you can manage stress.

A.

Laugh at Yourself

We all have done unexpected things. If we accept that life can be funny, we reduce stress. A well known magazine publishes a column called Laughter the Best Medicine. They know what many of us know. Laughing is a great stress reducer.

B.

Choose to Laugh Every Day

Each of us demonstrates the ability to think any thought we choose to think. Because we all can think chosen thoughts, I encourage you to laugh every day.

C.

Here is a Funny One

A New Yorker and a Californian were traveling by air from New York to California. They sat by each other on the long flight. The Californian asked the New Yorker, So, where in California are you traveling to today? The New Yorker said, I am going to San Joesay. The Californian chuckled. The New Yorker furrowed his brow. Whats so funny? The Californian said Well, out there they pronounce the J as an H, so the city is pronounced San Hosay. The New Yorker said Oh, I see. The Californian said So how long to do plan to stay? The New Yorker said, Oh, until Hune or Huly.

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D. Laughing Releases Endorphins

It is a physical fact that if you laugh, or even just really smile broadly, you will change your chemical production. The University of Edinburghs website http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/micro/gallery/endorphin/endorphins.html confirms laughing releases endorphins. So, science has shown if you smile or laugh wide enough to crinkle the corners of your eyes, youll produce endorphins for yourself. Endorphins are also a natural painkiller. So do yourself a favor watch a funny movie, or intentionally think of something funny. Remember the last time you laughed so hard your eyes teared. Laugh, and feel great!

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Stress Relief for Your Happiness X. Important Hormones for Stress Relief and Well Being
A. Oxytocin - Blissful Hormone for Feminine Stress Relief
The hormone oxytocin reduces stress in a woman and is the hormone of well being for a woman. Oxytocin feels good to a man, doesnt reduce stress and in high amounts will put him to sleep. Women are tired not because they have too much to do, but because they do not have enough oxytocin to cope with stress.

1. What Oxytocin is
The love and bonding hormone: tending and befriending Involved in childbirth and lactation Creates orgasms (for both men and women)

2. Oxytocin Stimulators
Anything nurturing, pampering, sharing, caring, befriending Rest (as a nurturing activity) Communication Safety Cleanliness Beauty and aesthetics Trust Teamwork Shared responsibility Consistency Compliments Affection Virtue Support Cooperation Collaboration Group efforts Routine, rhythm, and regularity

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3. Ways for a Woman to create Oxytocin
Choose items you like from this list or make up your own similar ones. Its important to think and feel loving, nurturing, pampering thoughts as you do these activities. Doing the same activity with negative or pressured thoughts wont create as much or any oxytocin. Remember, oxytocin is the LOVE hormone, so its most helpful to think gentle, loving thoughts to get the wonderful stress reduction from the oxytocin. The following list is adapted from Dr. John Grays book, Why Mars and Venus Collide, 101 ways to create Oxytocin listed on pages 98-101. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Receive a relaxing massage Go to a spa, even better with a girlfriend Receive hugs Receive and enjoy affection Allow your husband/boyfriend/partner to pleasure you sexually, with you only giving your appreciation as little sounds or gentle phrases such as Umm, that feels good or Ooh, I like that. Receive pleasure. Do crafts, for example, quilting, sewing, knitting, crocheting Do any activity that pampers you (while enjoying the feeling of being pampered) Do any activity, think thoughts or feel emotions that nurture you Rest, with a relaxed mind Get your hair done Get a facial, manicure and/or pedicure Girls night out and/or watch a chick flick Talk to a friend in person or on the phone Non-business related meal with a friend Cook a meal with a friend and clean up together Daydream with pleasant thoughts Meditate or pray Meditate while walking Do yoga, alone or, even better, in a class Take a dance class Gentle, non-strenuous exercise, such as walking or trampoline Take time to stretch Schedule a regular walk-and-talk with a friend Work out (not too strenuously) with a personal trainer
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6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24.

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25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33. 34. 35. 36. 37. 38. 39. 40. 41. 42. 43. 44. 45. 46. 47. 48. 49. 50. 51. 52. 53. 54. 55. 56. 57. 58. 59. 60. Do gentle breathing exercises Do deep breathing while exercising Take a bath with scents, bubbles, and/or salts Light candles at dinner or around the house Put flowers around your home Plan fun family activities Hold a baby or even enjoy looking at a baby Cuddle with a loved one Ask for help and receive help Ask someone to carry something Hire a good handyman Plant a garden, especially with fragrant flowers or vegetables and plants that give you pleasure Weed a garden as long as its done with no deadlines and with positive thoughts of enjoying seeing the weeded areas Go to a farmers market Prepare a meal from your own garden or with locally grown produce Go leisurely shopping, especially with a friend Take time to browse in a bookstore with no agenda Read a good book Volunteer or help others in some way Doing something nice for others and not getting paid Unconditional giving Caring, sharing and giving without expectations Nurture yourself Nurture others Hire someone to help you clean house or remove the clutter from your house Clean up without strict deadlines Clean up with someone else Collect good recipes Prepare a meal for friends with a new baby Prepare a meal for friends or family who are sick Spend time in nature, viewing, walking and/or hiking, especially with others Camp out in a group, if you like camping Spend time near water at the beach, a river or lake Pet, hold and care for an animal Do right-brain thinking and right-brain activities Be compassionate and understanding with yourself and/or others

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61. 62. 63. 64. 65. Attend inspirational, spiritual, and religious gatherings, especially regularly Listen to inspirational tapes or CDs Talk with or call a therapist, coach or clergy Have a good cry Get 90% of your emotional needs met by girlfriends. Dont expect more from a man than he can give. Dont expect him to be your girlfriend or to provide all of your oxytocin.

4. Why Give a Woman Oxytocin? (i.e., Whats in it for me?)

a)

Lover (husband, boyfriend, partner)

Shell want sex or be much more interested in sex. Shell be happier and more content. You can take credit for making her happy.

b)
happy.

Relative or friend

Shell be happier and more content. If you like, you can take credit for making her

c)

Boss or co-worker

Shell be more productive. Shell be happier and more content, so less issues around the office.

5. Ways for a Lover to Give a Woman Oxytocin


Choose items you like from this list or make up your own similar ones. Make sure they are items the woman likes. Not all women are the same! Adapted from Dr. John Grays book, Why Mars and Venus Collide. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. Hug her when you get up. Hug her when you leave. Hug her when you return. Hug her before you go to sleep. When she comes home from work, hug her and ask her about her day. Demonstrate affection. Massage her feet when she is tired. Tell her you love her. Give her a very long, loving hug. Hold her. Cuddle her.

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10. Touch her in a non-sexual way, such as hold her hand or put your arm around her. 11. Light candles, letting her know theyre for her. Bonus points for knowing and choosing a fragrance she likes. 12. Call her if you think youll be late. 13. Call her the day after a date, even if just a short call. Quadruple bonus if you call the day after having sex for the first few times. 14. If shes going through a tough time, reassure her through calls just because youre thinking about her. These may even be short calls. 15. Give her flowers (one, two, three or a dozen). Bonus if theyre in a vase. 16. Have flowers delivered to her at her office. Bonus points for saying you love her on the card, so she can show that to others at the office. 17. Ask her if she might want to go get a massage. Bonus points if you buy her a gift certificate for a massage (or cash in an envelope with the note that its for her pampering pleasure and sign it With Love). 18. Email her, call her or give her a card that says you were thinking about her. Dont mention sex. 19. Let her cry if she feels like crying. Let her just have whatever feelings she has. Let her talk if she wants to and just listen. Bonus points for holding her. Bonus points for just nodding your head, and just saying things like uh huh, oh really, what else? Quadruple bonus points for not telling her what to do or giving her a solution unless she specifically asks for advice. 20. Have a regular date night. 21. Take a ballroom dancing class together, if she likes that. 22. Go to an art gallery or museum with her, if she likes that. 23. Go to a lecture or workshop with her, if she likes that. 24. Quadruple points if you read a relationship book together with her. 25. Go grocery shopping with her. 26. Help put away the groceries. 27. Carry bags in from the car. 28. Do actions around the house for her, such as fix something, remove spiders, and bring in firewood. Bonus points to do it in front of her. 29. Build a fire on a rainy day. 30. Take her car for a car wash or wash it yourself. 31. Take her car in for servicing. 32. Take her to the airport and pick her up. Bonus points for going into the terminal, as close to the gate as you can. Quadruple points if you bring a long stemmed rose with you when picking her up and give it to her in public. 33. Buy her little gifts if you were on a trip. 34. Offer to help do a tedious job in the kitchen. 35. Be responsible for one dinner a week.

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36. Set the table if she is making dinner. 37. If she made the dinner, wash the dishes. 38. Tell her something like, Honey, you do so much for us. You deserve to relax. Would you like me to take the kids out so that you can read a book or do something youd enjoy? Or if you have no kids, then offer to do one of her chores so that she could rest or do an oxytocin producing activity. 39. Give her a meditation or music CD. 40. Download or make a mix of songs she loves. 41. Give her a card or personal note for special occasions. Her birthday, Valentines Day and your anniversary are essential. 42. Tell her you appreciate her. Compliment her. 43. Show her honor and respect. Honor and respect her feelings and who she is a person, woman, mother, sister, daughter... 44. During lovemaking, respect her need to take more time for getting aroused. Focus on giving her the 18 minutes of touching her gently to slowly become aroused. Ask her if/when shes ready for the next step this is very honoring. Focus on giving her pleasure in the ways that pleasure her. 45. Compliment her on the beautiful home she has created. Even if she or its not perfect, compliment her on what she has done that is nice. 46. Do anything that makes her feel like a queen or makes her feel special. 47. Give her trust in the relationship. Be faithful so that she feels that shes your special one and only. (One thousand demerits if you flirt with another woman in front of her or give her any other reason to not feel shes your one and only). Ok to look, but dont drool or flirt! 48. Assist her in getting her needs met in this and her other relationships. 49. Go on a hike with her or walk with her. 50. Take a bike ride with her. 51. Take her to a flea market. 52. Take her out for an ice cream cone on a summer evening. 53. Make a small flower garden for her. 54. Give her a windowsill herb garden. 55. Give her a gift subscription to a specialty magazine. 56. Take her to a craft show. 57. Give her a framed picture of both of you together for her desk. 58. Take new pictures of her for your desk. 59. Send her an email saying you miss her. 60. Surprise her with baked goods or fruit salad for a weekend breakfast. 61. Pull out her dinner chair at home and in restaurants and give her the best view. 62. Give her a selection of exotic coffees and teas. 63. Give her the new novel by her favorite author.
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64. Give her a selection of aromatherapy essences for relaxation. 65. Give her beautiful guest soaps.

6. How Not to Give Oxytocin


1. Tell her to do something, such as telling her to go get a massage. This just makes it sound like another item for her to do list. 2. If shes crying or feeling depressed, telling her that its not so bad or not to feel bad. Just let her feel and release her feelings. 3. Your actions or words that leave a woman feeling alone, ignored, unsupported or that she doesnt matter. 4. Deadlines, challenge, rushed, pressured. 5. Pressure her to have an orgasm every time. 6. Give her reasons not to trust you. 7. Share decision making with her. Dont just gather her opinion and then make the decision. 8. Pushing her to do testosterone-producing activities. 9. Making her wrong for doing oxytocin-producing activities.

B.

Testosterone Awesome Hormone for Male Stress Relief


The hormone testosterone reduces stress in a man and is the hormone of well being for a man. Testosterone feels good to a woman, but will not reduce stress. It may increase stress and the resulting stress hormone, Cortisol, in a woman.

1. What Testosterone is
Men normally have 20 to 30 times more testosterone and need for testosterone than women It is the principle male sex hormone, determines a mans sexual characteristics, dominance, emotional and physical strength, body shape, hairiness, deep voice, odor, and sexual performance. Also related to assertiveness and drive, competitiveness, creativity, intellect, ability to frame and execute new ideas. Affects general health, helps to develop strong muscles and bones. Acute stress can increase testosterone significantly causing aggression. Chronic stress reduces testosterone significantly, characterized by withdrawal, irritability and depression.

2. Testosterone Stimulators
Goal setting Competition

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Problem solving Accountability Risk Danger Dominance Success Efficiency Urgency Money Results Projects Bottom line Power Commitment Schedules, deadlines

Adapted from Why Mars and Venus Collide by Dr. John Gray.

3. Ways for a Man to create Testosterone


The following is adapted from Why Mars and Venus Collide by Dr. John Gray. Choose items you like from this list or make up your own similar ones. 1. Overcome a challenge. 2. Overcome an obstacle. 3. Take credit. 4. Take action. 5. Take action and control by driving a car. 6. Go on a drive alone. 7. Go on a drive with a happy or content woman as passenger. 8. Be alone. 9. Do something alone. 10. Take action by going to the gym. 11. Take action by doing a sport 12. Watch a sport on TV, especially with a large screen 13. Use the TV remote control, bonus for flipping through channels faster 14. Give pleasure to your sexual partner. 15. Solve problems.
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16. Create solutions. 17. Give solutions to others. 18. Set and achieve goals. 19. Work toward a goal. 20. Work on and complete a project. 21. Reach deadlines. 22. Make money. 23. Work for a living. 24. Provide for a spouse and family. 25. Protect loved ones. 26. Protect a city, state or country (e.g., policemen, firemen, servicemen). 27. Save the world. 28. Make an impact on the world. 29. Be a hero. 30. Take action during an emergency. 31. Achieve success. 32. Achieve power. 33. Achieve results. 34. Be accountable for results. 35. Take risks. 36. Sacrifice for a big gain. 37. Be efficient with your time, money, or energy. 38. Rest in the evening (after sunset) with a nap, watch TV or read.

4. Why Give a Man Testosterone? (i.e., Whats in it for me?)


You don't want to focus on giving oxytocin to a man. It will either make him grumpy, as it decreases his testosterone, or it will put him to sleep. The woman would want to give him testosterone, not oxytocin.

a)

Lover (wife, girlfriend, partner)

Hell be happier and more content. He wont be as grumpy. Hell do more.

b)

Relative or friend

Hell be happier and more content. He wont be as grumpy.

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c) Boss or co-worker

Hell be more productive. Hell be happier and more content, so less issues around the office.

5. Ways for a Lover to Give a Man Testosterone


1. Show your trust, acceptance and appreciation. 2. Tell him you appreciate him. Compliment him on his actions. Thank him for something he did that made you feel good or happy. 3. Leave him alone when he wants to be alone. 4. Let him do things alone. 5. Dont necessarily offer to help him. Be aware that it may seem as though you dont trust him to be successful. 6. Allow him to feel successful in providing for your pleasure and fulfillment. 7. If his actions or the situation supports this to some degree, tell him hes your hero. 8. Show appreciation for whatever he does around the house, even if its his chore to do all the time. Bonus points to tell him on an ongoing basis that you appreciate him doing the action. 9. Express your appreciation for his efforts and actions, especially in providing for or protecting you or the family. 10. Ask his opinion. 11. Find ways to tell him you trust him. This may be just saying, I trust your decision. or I trust your opinion. 12. Help him feel success or anticipation of success in the relationship. This especially can mean success in providing for your pleasure and fulfillment. 13. Tell him how proud you are for something that he does or did. 14. Make sure he knows he makes a difference in your life and in your relationship. 15. Forget a bigger problem for awhile by engaging in an easy, confidence building activity. 16. Doing something nice for others and getting paid (or rewarded in some way). 17. Respect his thoughts and decisions. 18. When possible, give him your preferences and opinions and allow him to make the plans or decisions. Afterwards, tell him what you appreciated.

6. How Not to Give Testosterone


1. 2. 3. 4. Criticize him for his actions. After a date, telling him what you didnt like. After a date, not telling him what you appreciated. Not letting him take control or take credit.

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5. Criticize him for resting in the evening or doing what seems to be a worthless activity, such as TV or video games. 6. Failure or anticipation of failure in making his partner happy. 7. Making him wrong for not talking or not calling you. This includes the anticipation of criticism from you. 8. Making him wrong for doing testosterone-producing activities. 9. Pushing him to do oxytocin-producing activities.

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Stress Relief for Your Happiness XI. Summary


Stress relief is possible! Just remember to: Consciously Notice and Choose Differently Do Deep Breathing Encouraging Self-talk Make Your Routine Simpler Require Respect from Yourself and Others Hypnosis and Guided Meditation Be Gentle on Yourself Purposeful Laughter Do stress reducing hormone producing activities and thoughts

There are many components to achieving success with stress. Its important to keep learning and to find mentors. These are the easy keys to stress relief for your soul.

XII. About the Author


Beverly Keyes Taylor is the Founder and CEO of the Easy Key to Life Institute, and is an award winning speaker, author, trainer, entrepreneur, visualization coach, and wellness coach. She certifies people in her Easy Key to Life interactive hypnotherapy program. For over 5 years was personally trained by Dr. John Gray, world-renowned author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus and the largest selling relationship author ever.

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Do You Want to Know More? What are the Next Steps?

How to Easily Have a More Relaxing, Happy, Stress Free Life?

Achieve this even Faster When You have All the Tools for Every Situation

Click to find out more about:

Stress Relief for Every Situation


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By Beverly E. Taylor

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