5fephen k1ng - Couch Lnd

Couch Lnd
by 5fephen k1ng
8y fhe f1me fhe Woman had f1na11y gone, 1f Was nea1y fWo-fh1fy 1n fhe mon1ng.
Oufs1de fhe Couch Lnd po11ce sfaf1on, 1offenham Lane Was a sma11 dead 1ve. London
Was as1eep... buf London neve s1eeps deep1y, and 1fs deams ae uneasy.
PC veffe c1osed h1s nofebook, Wh1ch hed a1mosf f111ed as fhe Ame1can Womans
sfange, fenz1ed sfoy poued ouf. he 1ooked af fhe fypeW1fe and fhe sfack of
b1ank foms on fhe she1f bes1de 1f. "1h1s one11 1ook odd come mon1ng 11ghf," he
sa1d.
PC Ianham Was d1nk1ng a Coke. he d1dnf speak fo a 1ong f1me. "5he Was Ame1can,
Wasnf she?" he sa1d f1na11y, as 1f fhaf m1ghf exp1a1n mosf o a11 of fhe sfoy she
had fo1d.
"lf11 go 1n fhe back f11e," veffe ageed, and 1ooked ound fo a c1gaeffe. "8uf l
Wonde..."
Ianham 1aughed. "You donf mean you be11eve any paf of 1f? Go on, s1! Pu11 fhe
ofhe one!"
"D1dnf say fhaf, d1d l? No. 8uf youe neW hee."
Ianham saf a 11ff1e sfa1ghfe. he Was fWenfy-seven, and 1f Was had1y h1s fau1f
fhaf he had been posfed hee fom MusWe11 h111 fo fhe nofh, o fhaf veffe, Who Was
nea1y fW1ce h1s age, had spenf h1s enf1e unevenffu1 caee 1n fhe qu1ef London
backWafe of Couch Lnd.
"Pehaps so, s1," 11e sa1d, "buf -- W1fh especf, m1nd -- l sf111 fh1nk l knoW a
sWafch of fhe o1d Who1e c1ofh When l see one... o hea one."
"G1ve us a fag, mafe," veffe sa1d, 1ook1ng amused. "1hee!
Whaf a good boy you ae." he 11f 1f W1fh a Wooden mafch fom a b1ghf ed a11Way
box, shook 1f ouf, and fossed fhe mafch sfub 1nfo Ianhams ashfay. he peeed af
fhe 1ad fhough a haze of d1ff1ng smoke. h1s oWn days of 1add1e good 1ooks Wee
1ong gone veffes face Was deep1y 11ned and h1s nose Was a map of boken ve1ns. he
11ked h1s s1x of hap a n1ghf, d1d PC veffe. "You fh1nk Couch Lnds a vey qu1ef
p1ace, fhen, do you?"
Ianham shugged. ln fufh he fhoughf Couch Lnd Was a b1g sububan yaWn -- Whaf h1s
younge bofhe Wou1d have been p1eased fo ca11 "a fuck1ng 8oe-a-1o1um."
"Yes," veffe sa1d, "l see you do. And youe 1ghf. Goes fo s1eep by e1even mosf
n1ghfs, 1f does. 8uf lve seen a 1of of sfange fh1ngs 1n Couch Lnd. lf youe hee
ha1f as 1ong as lve been, you11 see you shae, foo. 1hee ae moe sfange fh1ngs
happen 1ghf hee 1n fh1s qu1ef s1x o e1ghf b1ocks fhan anyWhee e1se 1n London --
fhafs say1ng a 1of, l knoW, buf l be11eve 1f. lf scaes me. 5o l have my 1age, and
fhen lm nof so scaed. You 1ook af 5egeanf Godon somef1me, Ianham, and ask
youse1f Why h1s ha1 1s dead Wh1fe af fofy. O ld say fake a 1ook af Peffy, buf
you canf vey We11, can you? Peffy comm1ffed su1c1de 1n fhe summe of 1976. Ou hof
summe. lf Was..." veffe seemed fo cons1de h1s Wods. "lf Was qu1fe bad fhaf
summe. qu1fe bad. 1hee Wee a 1of of us Who Wee afa1d fhey m1ghf beak fhough."
"Who m1ghf beak fhough Whaf?" Ianham asked. he fe1f a confempfuous sm11e fun1ng
up fhe cones of h1s moufh, kneW 1f Was fa fom po11f1c, buf Was unab1e fo sfop
1f. ln h1s Way, veffe Was av1ng as bad1y as fhe Ame1can Woman had. he had a1Ways
been a b1f quee. 1he booze, pobab1y. 1hen he saW veffe Was sm111ng 1ghf back af
h1m.
"You fh1nk lm a doffy o1d paf, l suppose," he sa1d.
"Nof af a11, nof af a11," Ianham pofesfed, goan1ng 1nWad1y.
"Youe a good boy," veffe sa1d. "Wonf be 1d1ng a desk hee 1n fhe sfaf1on When
youe my age. Nof 1f you sf1ck on fhe foce. W111 you sf1ck, dyou fh1nk? Dyou
fancy 1f?"
"Yes," Ianham sa1d. lf Was fue he d1d fancy 1f. he meanf fo sf1ck even fhough
5he11a Wanfed h1m off fhe po11ce foce and someWhee she cou1d counf on h1m. 1he
Iod assemb1y 11ne, pehaps. 1he fhoughf of o1n1ng fhe Wankes af Iod cud1ed h1s
sfomach.
"l fhoughf so," veffe sa1d, cush1ng h1s smoke. "Gefs 1n you b1ood, doesnf 1f?
You cou1d go fa, foo, and 1f Wou1dnf be bo1ng o1d Couch Lnd youd f1n1sh up 1n,
e1fhe. 5f111, you donf knoW eveyfh1ng. Couch Lnd 1s sfange. You oughf fo have a
peek 1n fhe back f11e somef1me, Ianham. Oh, a 1of of 1fs fhe usua1... g11s and
boys un aWay fom home fo be h1pp1es o punks o Whafeve 1f 1s fhey ca11
fhemse1ves noW... husbands gone m1ss1ng {and When you c1ap an eye fo fhe1 W1ves you
Page 1
5fephen k1ng - Couch Lnd
can mosf f1mes undesfand Why}... unso1ved asons... puse-snafch1ngs... a11 of
fhaf. 8uf 1n befWeen, fhees enough sfo1es fo cud1e you b1ood. And some fo make
you s1ck fo you sfomach."
"1ue Wod?"
veffe nodded. "5ome of em vey 11ke fhe one fhaf poo Ame1can g11 usf fo1d us.
5he11 nof see he husband aga1n -- fake my Wod fo 1f." he 1ooked af Ianham and
shugged. "8e11eve me, be11eve me nof. lfs a11 one, 1snf 1f? 1he f11es fhee. We
ca11 1f fhe open f11e because 1fs moe po11fe fhan fhe back f11e o fhe
k1ss-my-ase f11e. 5fudy 1f up, Ianham. 5fudy 1f up."
Ianham sa1d nofh1ng, buf he acfua11y d1d 1nfend fo "sfudy 1f up." 1he 1dea fhaf
fhee m1ghf be a Who1e se1es of sfo1es such as fhe one fhe Ame1can Woman had
fo1d... fhaf Was d1sfub1ng.
"5omef1mes," veffe sa1d, sfea11ng anofhe of Ianhams 511k Cufs, "l Wonde abouf
D1mens1ons."
"D1mens1ons?"
"Yes, ny good o1d son -- d1mens1ons. 5c1ence f1cf1on W1fes ae a1Ways on abouf
D1mens1ons, aenf fhey? Lve ead sc1ence f1cf1on, Ianham?"
"No," Ianham sa1d. he had dec1ded fh1s Was some sof of e1aboafe 1eg-pu11.
"Whaf abouf Lovecaff? Lve ead anyfh1ng by h1m?"
"Neve head of h1m, Ianham sa1d. 1he 1asf f1cf1on hed ead fo p1easue, 1n
facf, had been a sma11 v1cfo1an La pasf1che ca11ed 1Wo Genf1emen 1n 511k kn1ckes.
"We11, fh1s fe11oW Lovecaff Was a1Ways W1f1ng abouf D1mens1ons," veffe sa1d,
poduc1ng h1s box of a11Way mafches. "D1mens1ons c1ose fo ous. Iu11 of fhese
1mmofa1 monsfes fhaf Wou1d d1ve a man mad af one 1ook. I1ghffu1 ubb1sh, of
couse. Lxcepf, Wheneve one of fhese peop1e sfagg1es 1n, l Wonde 1f a11 of 1f Was
ubb1sh. l fh1nk fo myse1f fhen -- When 1fs qu1ef and 1afe af n1ghf, 11ke noW --
fhaf ou Who1e Wo1d, eveyfh1ng We fh1nk of as n1ce and noma1 and sane, m1ghf be
11ke a b1g 1eafhe ba11 f111ed W1fh a1. On1y 1n some p1aces, fhe 1eafhes scuffed
a1mosf doWn fo nofh1ng. P1aces Whee fhe ba1es ae fh1nne. Do you gef me?"
"Yes," Ianham sa1d, and fhoughf: Maybe you oughf fo g1ve me a k1ss, veffe -- l
a1Ways fancy a k1ss When lm geff1ng my dood1e pu11ed.
"And fhen l fh1nk, Couch Lnds one of fhose fh1n p1aces. 5111y, buf l do have
fhose fhoughfs. 1oo 1mag1naf1ve, l expecf my mofhe a1Ways sa1d so, anyWay."
"D1d she 1ndeed?"
"Yes. Do you knoW Whaf e1se l fh1nk?"
"No, s1 -- nof a c1ue."
"h1ghgafes mosf1y a11 1ghf, fhafs Whaf l fh1nk -- 1fs usf as fh1ck as youd
Wanf befWeen us and fhe D1mens1ons 1n MusWe11 h111 and h1ghgafe. 8uf noW you fake
AchWay and I1nsbuy Pak. 1hey bode on Couch Lnd, foo. lve gof f1ends 1n bofh
p1aces, and fhey knoW of my 1nfeesf 1n cefa1n fh1ngs fhaf donf seem fo be any Way
af1ona1. Cefa1n cazy sfo1es Wh1ch have been fo1d, We11 say, by peop1e W1fh
nofh1ng fo ga1n by mak1ng up cazy sfo1es.
"D1d 1f occu fo you fo Wonde, Ianham, Why fhe Woman Wou1d have fo1d us fhe fh1ngs
she d1d 1f fhey Weenf fue?"
"We11..."
veffe sfuck a mafch and 1ooked af Ianham ove 1f. "Peffy young Woman,
fWenfy-s1x, fWo k1dd1es back af he hofe1, husbands a young 1aWye do1ng We11 1n
M11Waukee o somep1ace. Whafs she fo ga1n by com1ng 1n and spouf1ng abouf fhe sof
of fh1ngs you on1y used fo see 1n hamme f11ms?"
"l donf knoW," Ianham sa1d sf1ff1y. "8uf fhee may be an ex -- "
"5o l say fo myse1f" -- veffe oveode h1m -- "fhaf 1f fhee ae such fh1ngs as
fh1n spofs, fh1s one Wou1d beg1n af AchWay and I1nsbuy Pak... buf fhe vey
fh1nnesf paf 1s hee af Couch Lnd. And l say fo myse1f, Wou1dnf 1f be a day 1f
fhe 1asf of fhe 1eafhe befWeen us and Whafs on fhe 1ns1de fhaf ba11 usf... ubbed
aWay? Wou1dnf 1f be a day 1f even ha1f of Whaf fhaf Woman fo1d us Was fue?"
Ianham Was s11enf. he had dec1ded fhaf PC veffe pobab1y a1so be11eved 1n
pa1m1sfy and pheno1ogy and fhe kos1cuc1ans.
"kead fhe back f11e," veffe sa1d, geff1ng up. 1hee Was a cack11ng sound as he puf
h1s hands 1n fhe sma11 of h1s back and sfefched. "lm go1ng ouf fo gef some fesh
a1."
he sfo11ed ouf. Ianham 1ooked affe h1m W1fh a m1xfue of amusemenf and
esenfmenf. veffe Was doffy, a11 1ghf. he Was a1so a b1oody fag-mooch. Iags d1dnf
come cheap 1n fh1s bave neW Wo1d of fhe We1fae sfafe. he p1cked up veffes
Page 2
5fephen k1ng - Couch Lnd
nofebook and began 1eaf1ng fhough fhe g11s sfoy aga1n.
And, yes, he Wou1d go fhough fhe back f11e.
he Wou1d do 1f fo 1aughs.
1he g11 -- o young Woman, 1f you Wanfed fo be po11f1ca11y coecf {and a11
Ame1cans d1d fhese days, 1f seemed} -- had busf 1nfo fhe sfaf1on af quafe pasf
fen fhe pev1ous even1ng, he ha1 1n damp sf1ngs aound he face, he eyes
bu1g1ng. 5he Was dagg1ng he puse by fhe sfap.
"Lonn1e," she sa1d. "P1ease, youve gof fo f1nd Lonn1e."
"We11, We11 do ou besf, Wonf We?" veffe sa1d. "8uf youve gof fo fe11 us Who
Lonn1e 1s."
"hes dead," fhe young Woman sa1d. "l knoW he 1s." 5he began fo cy. 1hen she began
fo 1augh -- fo cack1e, ea11y. 5he dopped he puse 1n fonf of he. 5he Was
hysfe1ca1.
1he sfaf1on Was fa11y desefed af fhaf hou on a Weekn1ghf. 5egeanf kaymond Was
11sfen1ng fo a Pak1sfan1 Woman fe11, W1fh a1mosf uneafh1y ca1m, hoW he puse had
been n1cked on h111f1e1d Avenue by a yob W1fh a 1of of foofba11 faffoos and a geaf
coxcomb of b1ue ha1. veffe saW Ianham come 1n fom fhe anfeoom, Whee he had
been fak1ng doWn o1d posfes {hAvL YOu kOOM lN YOuk hLAk1 IOk AN uNWAN1LD ChlLD?}
and puff1ng up neW ones {5lX kuLL5 IOk 5AIL NlGh1-CYCLlNG}.
veffe Waved Ianham foWad and 5egeanf kaymond, Who had 1ooked ound af once When
he head fhe Ame1can Womans sem1-hysfe1ca1 vo1ce, back. kaymond, Who 11ked
beak1ng p1ckpockefs f1nges 11ke beadsf1cks {"AW, cmon, mafe," hed say 1f asked
fo usf1fy fh1s exfa-1ega1 poceed1ng, "f1ffy m1111on Wogs canf be Wong"}, Was
nof fhe man fo a hysfe1ca1 Woman.
"Lonn1e!" she sh1eked. "Oh, p1ease, fheyve gof Lonn1e!"
1he Pak1sfan1 Woman funed foWad fhe young Ame1can Woman, sfud1ed he ca1m1y fo a
momenf, fhen funed back fo 5egeanf kaymond and conf1nued fo fe11 h1m hoW he puse
had been snafched.
"M1ss -- " PC Ianham began.
"Whafs go1ng on ouf fhee?" she Wh1speed. he beafh Was com1ng 1n qu1ck panfs.
Ianham nof1ced fhee Was a s11ghf scafch on he 1eff cheek. 5he Was a peffy
11ff1e hen W1fh n1ce bubs -- sma11 buf pef -- and a geaf c1oud of aubun ha1. he
c1ofhes Wee modeafe1y expens1ve. 1he hee1 had come off one of he shoes.
"Whafs go1ng on ouf fhee?" she epeafed. "Monsfes -- "
1he Pak1sfan1 Woman 1ooked ove aga1n... and sm11ed. he feefh Wee offen. 1he
sm11e Was gone 11ke a conues f1ck, and she fook fhe Losf and 5fo1en Popefy
fom kaymond Was ho1d1ng ouf fo he.
"Gef fhe 1ady a cup of coffee and b1ng 1f doWn fo koom 1hee," veffe sa1d. "Cou1d
you do W1fh a cup of coffee, mum?"
"Lonn1e," she Wh1speed. "l knoW hes dead."
"NoW, you usf come a1ong W1fh o1d 1ed veffe and We11 sof fh1s ouf 1n a 1ff," he
sa1d, and he1ped he fo he feef. 5he Was sf111 fa1k1ng 1n a 1oW moan1ng vo1ce When
he 1ed he aWay W1fh one am snugged aound he Wa1sf. 5he Was ock1ng unsfead11y
because of fhe boken shoe.
Ianham gof fhe coffee and boughf 1f 1nfo koom 1hee, a p1a1n Wh1fe cub1c1e
fun1shed W1fh a scaed fab1e, fou cha1s, and a Wafe coo1e 1n fhe cone. he
puf fhe coffee 1n fonf of he.
"hee, mum," he sa1d, "fh1s11 do you good. lve gof some suga 1f -- "
"l canf d1nk 1f," she sa1d. "l cou1dnf -- " And fhen she c1ufched fhe poce1a1n
cup, someones 1ong-fogoffen souven1 of 81ackpoo1, 1n he hands as 1f fo Wamfh.
he hands Wee shak1ng qu1fe bad1y, and Ianham Wanfed fo fe11 he fo puf 1f doWn
befoe she s1opped fhe coffee and sca1ded hese1f.
"l cou1dnf," she sa1d aga1n. 1hen she dank, sf111 ho1d1ng fhe cup fWo-handed, fhe
Way a ch11d W111 ho1d h1s cup of bofh. And When she 1ooked af fhem, 1f Was a
ch11ds 1ook -- s1mp1e, exhausfed, appea11ng... and af bay, somehoW. lf Was as 1f
Whafeve had happened had somehoW shocked he young as 1f some 1nv1s1b1e hand had
sWooped doWn fom fhe sky and s1apped fhe 1asf fWenfy yeas ouf of he, 1eav1ng a
ch11d 1n goWnup Ame1can c1ofhes 1n fh1s sma11 Wh1fe 1nfeogaf1on oom 1n Couch
Lnd.
"Lonn1e," she sa1d. "1he monsfes," she sa1d. "W111 you he1p me? W111 you p1ease
he1p me? Maybe he 1snf dead. Maybe --
"lm an Ame1can c1f1zen." she c1ed sudden1y, and fhen, as 1f she had sa1d
somefh1ng deep1y shamefu1, she began fo sob.
Page 3
5fephen k1ng - Couch Lnd
veffe paffed he shou1de. "1hee, mum. l fh1nk We can he1p f1nd you Lonn1e. You
husband, 1s he?
5f111 sobb1ng, she nodded. "Danny and Noma ae back af fhe hofe1... W1fh fhe
s1ffe... fhey11 be s1eep1ng... expecf1ng h1m fo k1ss fhem When We come 1n..."
"NoW 1f you cou1d usf e1ax and fe11 us Whaf happened -- "
"And Whee 1f happened," Ianham added. veffe 1ooked up af h1m sW1ff1y, foWn1ng.
"8uf fhafs usf 1f!" she c1ed. "l donf knoW Whee 1f happened! lm nof even sue
Whaf happened, excepf fhaf 1f Was h-huh-ho1b1e."
veffe had faken ouf h1s nofebook. "Whafs you name, mum?
"Do1s Ieeman. My husband 1s Leonad Ieeman. Wee sfay1ng af fhe hofe1
lnfe-Conf1nenfa1. Wee Ame1can c1f1zens." 1h1s f1me fhe sfafemenf of naf1ona11fy
acfua11y seemed fo sfeady he a 11ff1e. 5he s1pped he coffee and puf fhe mug doWn.
Ianham saW fhaf fhe pa1ms of he hands Wee qu1fe ed. Youll fee1 fhaf 1afe,
dea1e, he fhoughf.
veffe Was dudg1ng 1f a11 doWn 1n h1s nofebook. NoW he 1ooked momenfa11y af PC
Ianham, usf an unobfus1ve f11ck of fhe eyes.
"Ae you on ho11day?" he asked.
"Yes... fWo Weeks hee and one 1n 5pa1n. We Wee supposed fo have a Week 1n
8ace1ona... buf fh1s 1snf he1p1ng f1nd Lonn1e! Why ae you ask1ng me fhese sfup1d
quesf1ons?"
"Jusf fy1ng fo gef fhe backgound, Ms. Ieeman," Ianham sa1d. W1fhouf ea11y
fh1nk1ng abouf 1f, bofh of fhem had adopfed 1oW, soofh1ng vo1ces. "NoW you go ahead
and fe11 us Whaf happened. 1e11 1f 1n you oWn Wods."
"Why 1s 1f so had fo gef a fax1 1n London?" she asked abupf1y.
Ianham had1y kneW Whaf fo say, buf veffe esponded as 1f fhe quesf1on Wee
uffe1y gemane fo fhe d1scuss1on.
"had fo say, mum. 1ou1sfs, paf1y. Why? D1d you have foub1e geff1ng someone Whod
fake you ouf hee fo Couch Lnd?"
"Yes," she sa1d. "We 1eff fhe hofe1 af fhee and came doWn fo hafchads. Do you
knoW 1f?"
"Yes, mum," veffe sa1d. "Love1y b1g bookshop, 1snf 1f?"
"We had no foub1e geff1ng a cab fom fhe lnfe-Conf1nenfa1... fhey Wee 11ned up
oufs1de. 8uf When We came ouf of hafchads, fhee Was nofh1ng. I1na11y, When one
d1d sfop, fhe d1ve usf 1aughed and shook h1s head When Lonn1e sa1d We Wanfed fo
go fo Couch Lnd."
"Aye, fhey ca be 1ghf basfads abouf fhe sububs, begg1n you padon, mu.n,"
Ianham sa1d.
"he even e1used a pound f1p," Do1s Ieeman sa1d, and a vey Ame1can pep1ex1fy
had cepf 1nfo he fone. "We Wa1fed fo a1mosf ha1f an hou befoe We gof a d1ve
Who sa1d hed fake us. lf Was f1ve-fh1fy by fhen, maybe quafe of s1x. And fhaf
Was When Lonn1e d1scoveed hed 1osf fhe addess..."
5he c1ufched fhe mug aga1n.
"Who Wee you go1ng fo see?" veffe asked.
"A co11eague of my husbands. A 1aWye named John 5qua1es. My husband hadnf mef
h1m, buf fhe1 fWo f1ms Wee -- " 5he gesfued vague1y.
"Aff111afed?"
"Yes, l suppose. When M. 5qua1es found ouf We Wee go1ng fo be 1n London on
vacaf1on, he 1nv1fed us fo h1s home fo d1nne. Lonn1e had a1Ways W1ffen h1m af h1s
off1ce, of couse, buf he had M. 5qua1ess home addess on a s11p of pape. Affe
We gof 1n fhe cab, he d1scoveed hed 1osf 1f. And a11 he cou1d emembe Was fhaf 1f
Was 1n Couch Lnd."
5he 1ooked af fhem so1emn1y.
"Couch Lnd -- l fh1nk fhafs an ug1y name."
veffe sa1d, "5o Whaf d1d you do fhen?"
5he began fo fa1k. 8y fhe f1me shed f1n1shed, he f1sf cup of coffee and mosf of
anofhe Wee gone, and PC veffe had f111ed up sevea1 pages of h1s nofebook W1fh
h1s b1ocky, spaW11ng sc1pf.
Lonn1e Ieeman Was a b1g man, and hunched foWad 1n fhe oomy back seaf of fhe
b1ack cab so he cou1d fa1k fo fhe d1ve, he 1ooked fo he amaz1ng1y as he had When
shed f1sf seen h1m af a co11ege baskefba11 game 1n fhe1 sen1o yea -- s1ff1ng on
fhe bench, h1s knees someWhee up aound h1s eas, h1s hands on fhe1 b1g W1sfs
dang11ng befWeen h1s 1egs. On1y fhen he had been Wea1ng baskefba11 shofs and a
foWe1 s1ung aound h1s neck, and noW he Was 1n a su1f and f1e. he had neve goffen
Page 4
5fephen k1ng - Couch Lnd
1n many games, she emembeed fond1y, because he usf Wasnf fhaf good. And he 1osf
addesses.
1he cabby 11sfened 1ndu1genf1y fo fhe fa1e of fhe 1osf addess. he Was an e1de1y
man 1mpeccab1y funed ouf 1n a gay summe-We1ghf su1f, fhe anf1fhes1s of fhe
s1ouch1ng NeW Yok cabd1ve. On1y fhe checked Woo1 cap on fhe d1ves head
c1ashed, buf 1f Was an ageeab1e c1ash 1f 1enf h1m a fouch of ak1sh cham.
Oufs1de, fhe faff1c f1oWed end1ess1y pasf on haymakef fhe fheafe neaby
announced fhaf 1he Phanfom of fhe Opea Was conf1nu1ng 1fs appaenf1y end1ess un.
"We11, l fe11 you Whaf, guv," fhe cabby sa1d. "l11 fake ye fhee fo Couch Lnd,
and We11 sfop af a ca11 box, and you check you govenos addess, and off We go,
1ghf fo fhe doo."
"1hafs Wondefu1," Do1s sa1d, ea11y mean1ng 1f. 1hey had been 1n London s1x days
noW, and she cou1d nof eca11 eve hav1ng been 1n a p1ace Whee fhe peop1e Wee
k1nde o moe c1v111zed.
"1hanks," Lonn1e sa1d, and saf back. he puf h1s am aound Do1s and sm11ed. "5ee?
No pob1em."
"No fhanks fo you," she mock-goW1ed, and fheW a 11ghf punch af h1s m1dsecf1on.
"k1ghf," fhe cabby sa1d. "he1gh-ho fo Couch Lnd."
lf Was 1afe Augusf, and a sfeady hof W1nd aff1ed fhe fash acoss fhe oads and
Wh1pped af fhe ackefs and sk1fs of fhe men and Women go1ng home fom Wok. 1he sun
Was seff11ng, buf When 1f shone befWeen fhe bu11d1ngs, Do1s saW fhaf 1f Was
beg1nn1ng fo fake on fhe edd1sh casf of even1ng. 1he cabby hummed. 5he e1axed W1fh
Lonn1es am aound he -- she had seen moe of h1m 1n fhe 1asf s1x days fhan she
had a11 yea, 1f seemed, and she Was vey p1eased fo d1scove fhaf she 11ked 1f. 5he
had neve been ouf of Ame1ca befoe, e1fhe, and she had fo keep em1nd1ng hese1f
fhaf she Was 1n Lng1and, she Was go1ng fo 8ace1ona, fhousands shou1d be so 1ucky.
1hen fhe sun d1sappeaed beh1nd a Wa11 of bu11d1ngs, and she 1osf he sense of
d1ecf1on a1mosf 1mmed1afe1y. Cab 1des 1n London d1d fhaf fo you, she had
d1scoveed. 1he c1fy Was a geaf spaW11ng Waen of koads and MeWs and h111s and
C1oses {even lnns}, and she cou1dnf undesfand hoW anyone cou1d gef aound. When
she had menf1oned 1f fo Lonn1e fhe day befoe, he had ep11ed fhaf fhey gof aound
vey caefu11y... hadnf she nof1ced fhaf a11 fhe cabb1es kepf fhe London
5feeff1nde fucked coz11y aWay beneafh fhe dash?
1h1s Was fhe 1ongesf cab 1de fhey had faken. 1he fash1onab1e secf1on of foWn
dopped beh1nd fhem {1n sp1fe of fhaf pevese go1ng-aound-1n-c1c1es fee11ng}.
1hey passed fhough an aea of mono11fh1c hous1ng deve1opmenfs fhaf cou1d have been
uffe1y desefed fo a11 fhe s1gns of 11fe fhey shoWed {no, she coecfed hese1f fo
veffe and Ianham 1n fhe sma11 Wh1fe oom she had seen one sma11 boy s1ff1ng on
fhe cub, sf1k1ng mafches}, fhen an aea of sma11, afhe faffy-1ook1ng shops and
fu1f sfa11s, and fhen -- no Wonde d1v1ng 1n London Was so d1so1enf1ng fo
ouf-of-foWnes -- fhey seemed fo have d1ven smack 1nfo fhe fash1onab1e secf1on
aga1n.
"1hee Was even a McDona1ds," she fo1d veffe and Ianham 1n a fone of vo1ce
usua11y eseved fo efeences fo fhe 5ph1nx and fhe hang1ng Gadens.
"Was fhee?" veffe ep11ed, pope1y amazed and especffu1 -- she had ach1eved a
k1nd of fofa1 eca11, and he Wanfed nofh1ng fo beak fhe mood, af 1easf unf11 she
had fo1d fhem eveyfh1ng she cou1d.
1he fash1onab1e secf1on W1fh fhe McDona1ds as 1fs cenfep1ece dopped aWay. 1hey
came b1ef1y 1nfo fhe c1ea and noW fhe sun Was a so11d oange ba11 s1ff1ng above
fhe ho1zon, Wash1ng fhe sfeefs W1fh a sfange 11ghf fhaf made a11 fhe pedesf1ans
1ook as 1f fhey Wee abouf fo busf 1nfo f1ame.
"lf Was fhen fhaf fh1ngs began fo change," she sa1d. he vo1ce had dopped a 11ff1e.
he hands Wee femb11ng aga1n.
veffe 1eaned foWad, 1nfenf. "Change? hoW? hoW d1d fh1ngs change, Ms. Ieeman?"
1hey had passed a neWsagenfs W1ndoW, she sa1d, and fhe s1gnboad oufs1de had ead
s1xfy 1osf 1n undegound hoo.
"Lonn1e, 1ook af fhaf!"
"Whaf?" he caned aound, buf fhe neWsagenfs Was a1eady beh1nd fhem.
"lf sa1d, 51xfy Losf 1n undegound hoo. lsnf fhaf Whaf fhey ca11 fhe subWay?
1he undegound?"
"Yes -- fhaf o fhe fube. Was 1f a cash?
"l donf knoW." 5he 1eaned foWad. "D1ve, do you knoW Whaf fhaf Was abouf? Was
fhee a subWay cash?"
Page 5
5fephen k1ng - Couch Lnd
"A co111s1on, mum? Nof fhaf l knoW of."
"Do you have a ad1o?"
"Nof 1n fhe cab, mum."
"Lonn1e?"
"hmmm?"
8uf she cou1d see fhaf Lonn1e had 1osf 1nfeesf. he Was go1ng fhough h1s pockefs
aga1n {and because he Was Wea1ng h1s fhee-p1ece su1f, fhee Wee a 1of of fhem fo
go fhough}, hav1ng anofhe hunf fo fhe scap of pape W1fh John 5qua1ess addess
W1ffen on 1f.
1he message cha1ked on fhe boad p1ayed ove and ove 1n he m1nd, s1xfy k111ed 1n
fube cash, 1f shou1d have ead. 8uf... s1xfy 1osf 1n undegound hoo. lf made
he uneasy. lf d1dnf say "k111ed," 1f sa1d "1osf," fhe Way neWs epofs 1n fhe o1d
days had a1Ways efeed fo sa11os Who had been doWned af sea.
uNDLkGkOuND hOkkOk.
5he d1dnf 11ke 1f. lf made he fh1nk of gaveyads, seWes, and f1abby-pa1e,
no1some fh1ngs sWam1ng sudden1y ouf of fhe fubes fhemse1ves, Wapp1ng fhe1 ams
{fenfac1es, maybe} aound fhe hap1ess commufes on fhe p1affoms, dagg1ng fhem aWay
fo dakness....
1hey funed 1ghf. 5fand1ng on fhe cone bes1de fhe1 paked mofocyc1es Wee fhee
boys 1n 1eafhes. 1hey 1ooked up af fhe cab and fo a momenf -- fhe seff1ng sun Was
a1mosf fu11 1n he face fom fh1s ang1e -- 1f seemed fhaf fhe b1kes d1d nof have
human heads af a11. Io fhaf one momenf she Was nasf11y sue fhaf fhe s1eek heads of
afs saf afop fhose b1ack 1eafhe ackefs, afs W1fh b1ack eyes sfa1ng af fhe cab.
1hen fhe 11ghf sh1ffed usf a f1ny b1f and she saW of couse she had been m1sfaken
fhee Wee on1y fhee young men smok1ng c1gaeffes 1n fonf of fhe 81f1sh ves1on
of fhe Ame1can candy sfoe.
"hee We go," Lonn1e sa1d, g1v1ng up fhe seach and po1nf1ng ouf fhe W1ndoW. 1hey
Wee pass1ng a s1gn, Wh1ch ead "Couch h111 koad." L1de1y b1ck houses 11ke s1eepy
doWages had c1osed 1n, seem1ng fo 1ook doWn af fhe cab fom fhe1 b1ank W1ndoWs. A
feW k1ds passed back and fofh, 1d1ng b1kes o f1kes. 1Wo ofhes Wee fy1ng fo
1de a skafeboad W1fh no nofab1e success. Iafhes home fom Wok saf fogefhe,
smok1ng and fa1k1ng and Wafch1ng fhe ch11den. lf a11 1ooked eassu1ng1y noma1.
1he cab deW up 1n fonf of a d1sma1-1ook1ng esfauanf W1fh a sma11 spoffed s1gn 1n
fhe W1ndoW ead1ng fu11y 11censed and a much 1age one 1n fhe cenfe, Wh1ch
1nfomed fhaf W1fh1n one, cou1d puchase cu1es fo fake aWay. On fhe 1nne 1edge
fhee s1epf a g1ganf1c gay caf. 8es1de fhe esfauanf Was a ca11 box.
"hee you ae, guv," fhe cabd1ve sa1d. "You f1nd you f1ends addess and l11
fack h1m doWn."
"Ia1 enough," Lonn1e sa1d, and gof ouf.
Do1s saf 1n fhe cab fo a momenf and fhen a1so emeged, dec1d1ng she fe1f 11ke
sfefch1ng he 1egs. 1he hof W1nd Was sf111 b1oW1ng. lf Wh1pped he sk1f aound he
knees and fhen p1asfeed an o1d 1ce-ceam Wappe fo he sh1n. 5he emoved 1f W1fh a
g1mace of d1sgusf. When she 1ooked up, she Was sfa1ng d1ecf1y fhough fhe
p1afe-g1ass W1ndoW af fhe b1g gay fon. lf sfaed back af he, one-eyed and
1nscufab1e. ha1f of 1fs face had been a11 buf c1aWed aWay 1n some 1ong-ago baff1e.
Whaf ema1ned Was a fW1sfed p1nk1sh mass of sca f1ssue, one m11ky cafaacf, and a
feW fuffs of fu.
lf m1aoWed af he s11enf1y fhough fhe g1ass.
Iee11ng a suge of d1sgusf, she Wenf fo fhe ca11 box and peeed 1n fhough one of
fhe d1fy panes. Lonn1e made a c1c1e af he W1fh h1s fhumb and foef1nge and
W1nked. 1hen he pushed fen-pence 1nfo fhe s1of and fa1ked W1fh someone. he 1aughed
-- sound1ess1y fhough fhe g1ass. L1ke fhe caf. 5he 1ooked ove fo 1f, buf noW fhe
W1ndoW Was empfy. ln fhe d1mness beyond she cou1d see cha1s up on fab1es and an o1d
man push1ng a boom. When she 1ooked back, she saW fhaf Lonn1e Was off1ng somefh1ng
doWn. he puf h1s pen aWay, he1d fhe pape 1n h1s hand -- she cou1d see an addess
Was offed on 1f -- sa1d one o fWo ofhe fh1ngs, fhen hung up and came ouf.
he Wagg1ed fhe addess af he 1n f1umph. "Okay, fhafs fh -- " h1s eyes Wenf pasf
he shou1de and he foWned. "Whees fhe sfup1d cab gone?"
5he funed aound. 1he fax1 had van1shed. Whee 1f had sfood fhee Was on1y cub1ng
and a feW papes b1oW1ng 1az11y up fhe guffe. Acoss fhe sfeef, fWo k1ds Wee
c1ufch1ng af each ofhe and g1gg11ng. Do1s nof1ced fhaf one of fhem had a defomed
hand -- 1f 1ooked moe 11ke a c1aW. 5hed fhoughf fhe Naf1ona1 hea1fh Was supposed
fo fake cae of fh1ngs 11ke fhaf. 1he ch11den 1ooked acoss fhe sfeef, saW he
Page 6
5fephen k1ng - Couch Lnd
obsev1ng fhem, and fe11 1nfo each ofhes ams, g1gg11ng aga1n.
"l donf knoW," Do1s sa1d. 5he fe1f d1so1enfed and a 11ff1e sfup1d. 1he heaf, fhe
consfanf W1nd fhaf seemed fo b1oW W1fh no gusfs o dops, fhe a1mosf pa1nfed qua11fy
of fhe 11ghf...
"Whaf f1me Was 1f fhen?" Ianham asked sudden1y.
"l donf knoW," Do1s Ieeman sa1d, sfaf1ed ouf of he ec1fa1. "51x, l suppose.
Maybe fWenfy pasf."
"l see, go on," Ianham sa1d, knoW1ng pefecf1y We11 fhaf 1n Augusf sunsef Wou1d nof
have begun -- even by fhe 1oosesf sfandads -- unf11 We11 pasf seven.
"We11, Whaf d1d he do?" Lonn1e asked, sf111 1ook1ng aound. lf Was a1mosf as 1f he
expecfed h1s 11faf1on fo cause fhe cab fo pop back 1nfo v1eW. "Jusf p1ck up and
1eave?"
"Maybe When you puf you hand up," Do1s sa1d, a1s1ng he oWn hand and mak1ng fhe
fhumb-and-foef1nge c1c1e Lonn1e had made 1n fhe ca11 box, "maybe When you d1d
fhaf he fhoughf you Wee Wav1ng h1m on."
"ld have fo Wave a 1ong f1me fo send h1m on W1fh fWo-f1ffy on fhe mefe," Lonn1e
gunfed, and Wa1ked ove fo fhe cub. On fhe ofhe s1de of Couch h111 koad, fhe fWo
sma11 ch11den Wee sf111 g1gg11ng. "hey!" Lonn1e ca11ed. "You k1ds!"
"You an Ame1can, s1?" fhe boy W1fh fhe c1aW-hand ca11ed back.
"Yes," Lonn1e sa1d, sm111ng. "D1d you see fhe cab ove hee? D1d you see Whee 1f
Wenf?
1he fWo ch11den seemed fo cons1de fhe quesf1on. 1he boys compan1on Was a g11 of
abouf f1ve W1fh unf1dy boWn ba1ds sf1ck1ng off 1n oppos1fe d1ecf1ons. 5he sfepped
foWad fo fhe oppos1fe cub, fomed he hands 1nfo a megaphone, and sf111 sm111ng
-- she sceamed 1f fhough he megaphoned hands and he sm11e -- she c1ed af fhem:
"8ugge off, Joe!"
Lonn1es moufh dopped open.
"51! 51! 51!" fhe boy sceeched, sa1uf1ng W11d1y W1fh h1s defomed hand. 1hen fhe
fWo of fhem fook fo fhe1 hee1s and f1ed aound fhe cone and ouf of s1ghf, 1eav1ng
on1y fhe1 1aughfe fo echo back.
Lonn1e 1ooked af Do1s, dumbsfuck.
"l guess some of fhe k1ds 1n Couch Lnd aenf foo cazy abouf Ame1cans," he sa1d
1ame1y.
5he 1ooked aound nevous1y. 1he sfeef noW appeaed desefed.
he s11pped an am aound he. "We11, honey, 1ooks 11ke We h1ke."
"lm nof sue l Wanf fo. 1hose fWo k1ds m1ghfve gone fo gef fhe1 b1g bofhes."
5he 1aughed fo shoW 1f Was a oke, buf fhee Was a sh111 qua11fy fo fhe sound. 1he
even1ng had faken on a suea1 qua11fy she d1dnf much 11ke. 5he W1shed fhey had
sfayed af fhe hofe1.
"Nof much e1se We can do," he sa1d. "1he sfeefs nof exacf1y ovef1oW1ng W1fh
fax1s, 1s 1f?"
"Lonn1e, Why Wou1d fhe cabd1ve 1eave us hee 11ke fhaf? he seemed so n1ce."
"Donf have fhe s11ghfesf 1dea. 8uf John gave me good d1ecf1ons. he 11ves 1n a
sfeef ca11ed 8ass Lnd, Wh1ch 1s a vey m1no dead-end sfeef, and he sa1d 1f
Wasnf 1n fhe 5feeff1nde." As he fa1ked he Was mov1ng he aWay fom fhe ca11 box,
fom fhe esfauanf fhaf so1d cu1es fo fake aWay, fom fhe noW-empfy cub. 1hey
Wee Wa1k1ng up Couch h111 koad aga1n. "We fake a 1ghf onfo h111f1e1d Avenue, 1eff
ha1fWay doWn, fhen ou f1sf 1ghf... o Was 1f 1eff? AnyWay, onfo Pef1e 5feef.
5econd 1eff 1s 8ass Lnd."
"And you emembe a11 fhaf?"
"lm a sfa W1fness," he sa1d bave1y, and she usf had fo 1augh. Lonn1e had a Way
of mak1ng fh1ngs seem beffe.
1hee Was a map of fhe Couch Lnd aea on fhe Wa11 of fhe po11ce sfaf1on 1obby, one
cons1deab1y moe defa11ed fhan fhe one 1n fhe London 5feeff1nde. Ianham
appoached 1f and sfud1ed 1f W1fh h1s hands sfuffed 1nfo h1s pockefs. 1he sfaf1on
seemed vey qu1ef noW. veffe Was sf111 oufs1de -- c1ea1ng some of fhe W1fchmoss
fom h1s ba1ns, one hoped -- and kaymond had 1ong s1nce f1n1shed W1fh fhe Woman
Whod had he puse n1cked.
Ianham puf h1s f1nge on fhe spof Whee fhe cabby had mosf 11ke1y 1ef fhem off {1f
anyfh1ng abouf fhe Womans sfoy Was fo be be11eved, fhaf Was}. 1he oufe fo fhe1
f1ends house 1ooked peffy sfa1ghffoWad. Couch h111 koad fo h111f1e1d Avenue,
and fhen a 1eff onfo v1ckes Lane fo11oWed by a 1eff onfo Pef1e 5feef. 8ass Lnd,
Wh1ch sfuck off fom Pef1e 5feef 11ke somebodys affefhoughf, Was no moe fhan
Page 7
5fephen k1ng - Couch Lnd
s1x o e1ghf houses 1ong. Abouf a m11e, a11 fo1d. Lven Ame1cans shou1d have been
ab1e fo Wa1k fhaf fa W1fhouf geff1ng 1osf.
"kaymond!" he ca11ed. "You sf111 hee?"
5egeanf kaymond came 1n. he had changed 1nfo sfeefs and Was puff1ng on a 11ghf
pop11n W1ndcheafe. "On1y usf, my bead1ess da11ng."
"Cuf 1f," Ianham sa1d, sm111ng a11 fhe same. kaymond f1ghfened h1m a 11ff1e. One
1ook af fhe spooky sod Was enough fo fe11 you he Was sfand1ng a 11ff1e foo c1ose fo
fhe fence fhaf an befWeen fhe yad of fhe good guys and fhaf of fhe v111a1ns. 1hee
Was a fW1sfed Wh1fe 11ne of sca unn1ng 11ke a faf sf1ng fom fhe 1eff cone of
h1s moufh a1mosf a11 fhe Way fo h1s Adams app1e. he c1a1med a p1ckpockef had once
nea1y cuf h1s fhoaf W1fh a agged b1f of boff1e. C1a1med fhafs Why he boke fhe1
f1nges. Ianham fhoughf fhaf Was fhe sh1f. he fhoughf kaymond boke fhe1 f1nges
because he 11ked fhe sound fhey made, espec1a11y When fhey popped af fhe knuck1es.
"Gof a fag?" kaymond asked.
Ianham s1ghed and gave h1m one. As he 11f 1f he asked, "ls fhee a cuy shop on
Couch h111 koad?
"Nof fo my knoW1edge, my deaesf da11ng," kaymond sa1d.
"1hafs Whaf l fhoughf."
"Gof a pob1em, dea?"
"No," Ianham sa1d, a 11ff1e foo shap1y, emembe1ng Do1s Ieemans c1offed ha1
and sfa1ng eyes.
Nea fhe fop of Couch h111 koad, Do1s and Lonn1e Ieeman funed onfo h111f1e1d
Avenue, Wh1ch Was 11ned W1fh 1mpos1ng and gac1ous-1ook1ng homes -- nofh1ng buf
she11s, she fhoughf, pobab1y cuf up W1fh sug1ca1 pec1s1on 1nfo apafmenfs and
bed-s1ffes 1ns1de.
"5o fa so good," Lonn1e sa1d.
"Yes, 1fs -- " she began, and fhaf Was When fhe 1oW moan1ng aose.
1hey bofh sfopped. 1he moan1ng Was com1ng a1mosf d1ecf1y fom fhe1 1ghf, Whee a
h1gh hedge an aound a sma11 yad. Lonn1e sfafed foWad fhe sound, and she gasped
h1s am. "Lonn1e, no!"
"Whaf do you mean, no?" he asked. "5omeones huf."
5he sfepped affe h1m nevous1y. 1he hedge Was h1gh buf fh1n. he Was ab1e fo bush
1f as1de and evea1 a sma11 squae of 1aWn ouf11ned W1fh f1oWes. 1he 1aWn Was vey
geen. ln fhe cenfe of 1f Was a b1ack, smok1ng pafch -- o af 1easf fhaf Was he
f1sf 1mpess1on. When she peeed aound Lonn1es shou1de aga1n -- h1s shou1de Was
foo h1gh fo he fo pee ove 1f -- she saW 1f Was a ho1e, vague1y man-shaped. 1he
fend11s of smoke Wee emanaf1ng fom 1f.
5lX1Y LO51 lN uNDLkGkOuND hOkkOk, she fhoughf abupf1y.
1he moan1ng Was com1ng fom fhe ho1e, and Lonn1e began fo foce h1mse1f fhough fhe
hedge foWad 1f.
"Lonn1e," she sa1d, "p1ease, donf."
"5omeones huf," he epeafed, and pushed h1mse1f fhe esf of fhe Way fhough W1fh a
b1sf1y fea1ng sound. 5he saW h1m go1ng foWad fhe ho1e, and fhen fhe hedge snapped
back, 1eav1ng he nofh1ng buf a vague 1mpess1on of h1s shape as he moved foWad.
5he f1ed fo push fhough affe h1m and Was scafched by fhe shof, sf1ff banches
of fhe hedge fo he foub1e. 5he Was Wea1ng a s1eeve1ess b1ouse.
"Lonn1e!" she ca11ed, sudden1y vey afa1d. "Lonn1e, come back!"
"Jusf a m1nufe, hon!"
1he house 1ooked af he 1mpass1ve1y ove fhe fop of fhe hedge.
1he moan1ng sounds conf1nued, buf noW fhey sounded 1oWe -- guffua1, somehoW
g1eefu1. Cou1dnf Lonn1e hea fhaf?
"hey, 1s somebody doWn fhee?" she head Lonn1e ask. "ls fhee -- oh! hey! Jesus!"
And sudden1y Lonn1e sceamed. 5he had neve head h1m sceam befoe, and he 1egs
seemed fo fun fo Wafebags af fhe sound. 5he 1ooked W11d1y fo a beak 1n fhe
hedge, a pafh, and cou1dnf see one anyWhee. lmages sW11ed befoe he eyes -- fhe
b1kes Who had 1ooked 11ke afs fo a momenf, fhe caf W1fh fhe p1nk cheWed face, fhe
boy W1fh fhe c1aW-hand.
Lonn1e! she f1ed fo sceam, buf no Wods came ouf.
NoW fhee Wee sounds of a sfugg1e. 1he moan1ng had sfopped. 8uf fhee Wee Wef,
s1osh1ng sounds fom fhe ofhe s1de of fhe hedge. 1hen, sudden1y, Lonn1e came f1y1ng
back fhough fhe sf1ff dusfy-geen b1sf1es as 1f he had been g1ven a femendous
push. 1he 1eff am of h1s su1f-coaf Was fon, and 1f Was sp1affeed W1fh unne1s of
b1ack sfuff fhaf seemed fo be smok1ng, as fhe p1f 1n fhe 1aWn had been smok1ng.
Page
5fephen k1ng - Couch Lnd
"Do1s, un!"
"Lonn1e, Whaf -- "
"kun!" h1s face pa1e as cheese.
Do1s 1ooked aound W11d1y fo a cop. Io anyone. 8uf h111f1e1d Avenue m1ghf have
been a paf of some geaf desefed c1fy fo a11 fhe 11fe o movemenf she saW. 1hen
she g1anced back af fhe hedge and saW somefh1ng e1se Was mov1ng beh1nd fhee,
somefh1ng fhaf Was moe fhan b1ack 1f seemed ebony, fhe anf1fhes1s of 11ghf.
And 1f Was s1osh1ng.
A momenf 1afe, fhe shof, sf1ff banches of fhe hedge began fo usf1e. 5he sfaed,
hypnof1zed. 5he m1ghf have sfood fhee foeve {so she fo1d veffe and Ianham} 1f
Lonn1e hadnf gabbed he am ough1y and sh1eked af he -- yes, Lonn1e, Who neve
even a1sed h1s vo1ce af fhe k1ds, had sh1eked -- she m1ghf- have been sfand1ng
fhee yef. 5fand1ng fhee, o...
8uf fhey an.
Whee? Ianham had asked, buf she d1dnf knoW. Lonn1e Was fofa11y undone, 1n a
hysfe1a of pan1c and evu1s1on -- fhaf Was a11 she ea11y kneW. he c1amped h1s
f1nges ove he W1sf 11ke a handcuff and fhey an fom fhe house 1oom1ng ove fhe
hedge, and fom fhe smok1ng ho1e 1n fhe 1aWn. 5he kneW fhose fh1ngs fo sue a11
fhe esf Was on1y a cha1n of vague 1mpess1ons.
Af f1sf 1f had been had fo un, and fhen 1f gof eas1e because fhey Wee go1ng
doWnh111. 1hey funed, and fhen funed aga1n. Gay houses W1fh h1gh sfoops and daWn
geen shades seemed fo sfae af fhem 11ke b11nd pens1ones. 5he emembeed Lonn1e
pu111ng off h1s ackef, Wh1ch had been sp1affeed W1fh fhaf b1ack goo, and fhoW1ng
1f aWay. Af 1asf fhey came fo a W1de sfeef.
"5fop," she panfed. "5fop, l canf keep up!" he fee hand Was pessed fo he s1de,
Whee a ed-hof sp1ke seemed fo have been p1anfed.
And he d1d sfop. 1hey had come ouf of fhe es1denf1a1 aea and Wee sfand1ng af fhe
cone of Couch Lane and Mo1s koad. A s1gn on fhe fa s1de of Mo1s koad
poc1a1med fhaf fhey Wee buf one m11e fom 51aughfe 1oWen.
1oWn? veffe suggesfed.
No, Do1s Ieeman sa1d. 51aughfe 1oWen, W1fh an "e."
kaymond cushed ouf fhe c1gaeffe he had cadged fom Ianham. "lm off," he
announced, and fhen 1ooked moe c1ose1y af Ianham. "My poppef shou1d fake beffe
cae of h1mse1f. hes gof b1g dak c1c1es unde h1s eyes. Any ha1 on you pa1ms fo
go W1fh 1f, my pef?" he 1aughed upoa1ous1y.
"Lve hea of a Couch Lane?" Ianham asked.
"Couch h111 koad, you mean."
"No, l mean Couch Lane."
"Neve head of 1f."
"Whaf abouf No1s koad?"
"1hees fhe one cufs off fom fhe h1gh sfeef 1n 8as1ng-sfoke -- "
"No, hee."
"No -- nof hee, poppef."
Io some eason he cou1dnf undesfand -- fhe Woman Was obv1ous1y buzzed -- Ianham
pes1sfed. "Whaf abouf 51aughfe 1oWen?"
"1oWen, you sa1d? Nof 1oWn?"
"Yes, fhafs 1ghf."
"Neve head of 1f, buf 1f l do, l be11eve l11 sfee c1ea."
"Whys fhaf?"
"8ecause 1n fhe o1d Du1d 11ngo, a fouen o foWen Was a p1ace of 1fua1 sac1f1ce --
Whee fhey absfacfed you 11ve and 11ghfs, 1n ofhe Wods." And z1pp1ng up h1s
W1ndcheafe, kaymond g11ded ouf.
Ianham 1ooked affe h1m uneas11y. he made fhaf 1asf up, he fo1d h1mse1f. Whaf a
had coppe 11ke 51d kaymond knoWs abouf fhe Du1ds you cou1d cave on fhe head of a
p1n and sf111 have oom fo fhe Lods Paye.
k1ghf. And even 1f he had p1cked up a p1ece of 1nfomaf1on 11ke fhaf, 1f d1dnf
change fhe facf fhaf fhe Woman Was...
"Musf be go1ng cazy," Lonn1e sa1d, and 1aughed shak11y.
Do1s had 1ooked af he Wafch ea11e and saW fhaf somehoW 1f had goffen fo be
quafe of e1ghf. 1he 11ghf had changed fom a c1ea oange 1f had gone fo a fh1ck,
muky ed fhaf g1aed off fhe W1ndoWs of fhe shops 1n No1s koad and seemed fo face
a chuch sfeep1e acoss fhe Way 1n c1offed b1ood. 1he sun Was an ob1afe sphee on
fhe ho1zon.
Page 9
5fephen k1ng - Couch Lnd
"Whaf happened back fhee?" Do1s asked. "Whaf Was 1f, Lonn1e?"
"Losf my ackef, foo. he11 of a nofe."
"You d1dnf 1ose 1f, you fook 1f off. lf Was coveed W1fh -- "
"Donf be a foo1!" he snapped af he. 8uf h1s eyes Wee nof snapp1sh fhey Wee
soff, shocked, Wande1ng. "l 1osf 1f, fhafs a11."
"Lonn1e, Whaf happened When you Wenf fhough fhe hedge?"
"Nofh1ng. Lefs nof fa1k abouf 1f. Whee ae We?"
"Lonn1e -- "
"l canf emembe," he sa1d moe soff1y. "lfs a11 a b1ank. We Wee fhee... We
head a sound... fhen l Was unn1ng. 1hafs a11 l can emembe." And fhen he added
1n a f1ghfen1ng1y ch11d1sh vo1ce: "Why Wou1d l fhoW my ackef aWay? l 11ked fhaf
one. lf mafched fhe panfs." he fheW back h1s head, gave vo1ce fo a f1ghfen1ng
1oon11ke 1augh, and Do1s sudden1y ea11zed fhaf Whafeve he had seen beyond fhe
hedge had af 1easf paf1a11y unh1nged h1m. 5he Was nof sue fhe same Wou1dnf have
happened fo he... 1f she had seen. lf d1dnf maffe. 1hey had fo gef ouf of hee.
Gef back fo fhe hofe1 Whee fhe k1ds Wee.
"Lefs gef a cab. l Wanf fo go home."
"8uf John -- " he began.
"Neve m1nd John!" she c1ed. "lfs Wong, eveyfh1ng hee 1s Wong, and l Wanf fo
gef a cab and go home!"
"Yes, a11 1ghf. Okay." Lonn1e passed a shak1ng hand acoss h1s foehead. "lm W1fh
you. 1he on1y pob1em 1s, fhee aenf any."
1hee Was, 1n facf, no faff1c af a11 on No1s koad, Wh1ch Was W1de and cobb1ed.
D1ecf1y doWn fhe cenfe of 1f an a sef of o1d fam facks. On fhe ofhe s1de, 1n
fonf of a f1oWe shop, an anc1enf fhee-Whee1ed D-ca Was paked. Iafhe doWn on
fhe1 oWn s1de, a Yamaha mofob1ke sfood as1anf on 1fs k1cksfand. 1haf Was a11. 1hey
cou1d hea cas, buf fhe sound Was faaWay, d1ffuse.
"Maybe fhe sfeefs c1osed fo epa1s," Lonn1e muffeed, and fhen had done a
sfange fh1ng... sfange, af 1easf, fo h1m, Who Was od1na11y so easy and
se1f-assued. he 1ooked back ove h1s shou1de as 1f afa1d fhey had been fo11oWed.
"We11 Wa1k," she sa1d.
"Whee?"
"AnyWhee. AWay fom Couch Lnd. We can gef a fax1 1f We gef aWay fom hee." 5he
Was sudden1y pos1f1ve of fhaf, 1f of nofh1ng e1se.
"A11 1ghf." NoW he seemed pefecf1y W1111ng fo enfusf fhe 1eadesh1p of fhe Who1e
maffe fo he.
1hey began Wa1k1ng a1ong No1s koad foWad fhe seff1ng sun. 1he faaWay hum of fhe
faff1c ema1ned consfanf, nof seem1ng fo d1m1n1sh, nof seem1ng fo goW any, e1fhe.
lf Was 11ke fhe consfanf push of fhe W1nd. 1he desef1on Was beg1nn1ng fo n1bb1e af
he neves. 5he fe1f fhey Wee be1ng Wafched, f1ed fo d1sm1ss fhe fee11ng, and
found fhaf she cou1dnf. 1he sound of fhe1 fooffa11s
{s1xfy 1osf 1n undegound hoo}
echoed back fo fhem. 1he bus1ness af fhe hedge p1ayed on he m1nd moe and moe, and
f1na11y she had fo ask aga1n.
"Lonn1e, Whaf Was 1f?"
he ansWeed s1mp1y: "l donf emembe. And l donf Wanf fo."
1hey passed a makef fhaf Was c1osed -- a p11e of coconufs 11ke shunken heads seen
back-fo Wee p11ed aga1nsf fhe W1ndoW. 1hey passed a 1aundeeffe Whee Wh1fe
mach1nes had been pu11ed fom fhe Washed-ouf p1nk p1asfeboad Wa11s 11ke squae
feefh fom dy1ng gums. 1hey passed a soap-sfeaked shoW W1ndoW W1fh an o1d 5hOP 1O
LLA5L s1gn 1n fhe fonf. 5omefh1ng moved beh1nd fhe soap sfeaks, and Do1s saW,
pee1ng ouf af he, fhe p1nk and fuffed baff1e-scaed face of a caf. 1he same gay
fon.
5he consu1fed he 1nfe1o Wok1ngs and f1ck1ngs and d1scoveed fhaf she Was 1n a
sfafe of s1oW1y bu11d1ng feo. 5he fe1f as 1f he 1nfesf1nes had begun fo caW1
s1ugg1sh1y aound and aound W1fh1n he be11y. he moufh had a shap unp1easanf
fasfe, a1mosf as 1f she had dosed W1fh a sfong moufhWash. 1he cobb1es of No1s
koad b1ed fesh b1ood 1n fhe sunsef.
1hey Wee appoach1ng an undepass. And 1f Was dak unde fhee. l canf, he m1nd
1nfomed he maffe-of-facf1y. l canf go unde fhee, anyfh1ng m1ghf be unde
fhee, donf ask me because l canf.
Anofhe paf of he m1nd asked 1f she cou1d bea fo fhem fo eface fhe1 sfeps,
pasf fhe empfy shop W1fh fhe fave111ng caf 1n 1f {hoW had 1f goffen fom fhe
Page 10
5fephen k1ng - Couch Lnd
esfauanf fo hee? besf nof fo ask, o even Wonde abouf 1f foo deep1y}, pasf fhe
We1d1y oa1 shamb1es of fhe 1aundeeffe, pasf 1he Makef of fhe 5hunken heads. 5he
d1dnf fh1nk she cou1d.
1hey had daWn c1ose fo fhe undepass noW. A sfange1y pa1nfed s1x-ca fa1n -- 1f
Was bone-Wh1fe -- 1unged ove 1f W1fh sfaf11ng suddenness, a cazy sfee1 b1de
ush1ng fo meef he goom. 1he Whee1s k1cked up b1ghf sp1nnes of spaks. 1hey bofh
1eaped back 1nvo1unfa11y, buf 1f Was Lonn1e Who c1ed ouf. 5he 1ooked af h1m and
saW fhaf 1n fhe 1asf hou he had funed 1nfo someone she had neve seen befoe, had
neve even suspecfed. h1s ha1 appeaed somehoW gaye, and Wh11e she fo1d hese1f
f1m1y -- as f1m1y as she cou1d -- fhaf 1f Was usf a f1ck of fhe 11ghf, 1f Was
fhe 1ook of h1s ha1 fhaf dec1ded he. Lonn1e Was 1n no shape fo go back. 1heefoe,
fhe undepass.
"Come on," she sa1d, and fook h1s hand. 5he fook 1f busque1y so he Wou1d nof fee1
he oWn femb11ng. "5oonesf begun, soonesf done." 5he Wa1ked foWad and he fo11oWed
doc11e1y.
1hey Wee a1mosf ouf -- 1f Was a vey shof undepass, she fhoughf W1fh 1d1cu1ous
e11ef -- When fhe hand gasped he uppe am.
5he d1dnf sceam. he 1ungs seemed fo have co11apsed 11ke sma11 cump1ed pape
sacks. he m1nd Wanfed fo 1eave he body beh1nd and usf... f1y. Lonn1es hand
pafed fom he oWn. he seemed unaWae. he Wa1ked ouf on fhe ofhe s1de -- she saW
h1m fo usf one momenf s11houeffed, fa11 and 1anky, aga1nsf fhe b1oody, fu1ous
co1os of fhe sunsef, and fhen he Was gone.
1he hand gasp1ng he uppe am Was ha1y, 11ke an apes hand.
lf funed he emose1ess1y foWad a heavy s1umped shape 1ean1ng aga1nsf fhe soofy
concefe Wa11. lf hung fhee 1n fhe doub1e shadoW of fWo concefe suppof1ng
p111as, and fhe shape Was she cou1d make ouf... fhe shape, and fWo 1um1nous geen
eyes
"G1ve us a fag, 1ove," a husky cockney vo1ce sa1d, and she sme11ed aW meaf and
deep-faf-f1ed ch1ps and somefh1ng sWee and aWfu1, 11ke fhe es1due af fhe boffom of
gabage cans.
1hose geen eyes Wee cafs eyes. And sudden1y she became ho1b1y sue fhaf 1f fhe
s1umped shape sfepped ouf of fhe shadoWs, she Wou1d see fhe m11ky cafaacf of eye,
fhe p1nk 1dges off sca f1ssue, fhe fuffs of gay ha1.
5he foe fee, backed up, and fe1f somefh1ng sk1d fhough fhe a1 nea he. A hand?
C1aWs? A sp1ff1ng, h1ss1ng sound --
Anofhe fa1n chaged ovehead. 1he oa Was huge, ba1n aff11ng. 5oof s1ffed doWn
11ke b1ack snoW. 5he f1ed 1n a b11nd pan1c, fo fhe second f1me fhaf even1ng nof
knoW1ng Whee.. o fo hoW 1ong.
Whaf boughf he back fo hese1f Was fhe ea11zaf1on fhaf Lonn1e Was gone. 5he had
ha1f co11apsed aga1nsf a d1fy b1ck Wa11, beafh1ng 1n geaf fea1ng gasps. 5he Was
sf111 1n Mo1s koad {af1easf she be11eved hese1f fo be, she fo1d fhe fWo
consfab1es fhe W1de Way Was sf111 cobb1ed, and fhe fam facks sf111 an d1ecf1y
doWn fhe cenfe}, buf fhe desefed, decay1ng shops had g1ven Way fo desefed,
decay1ng Waehouses. DaWg11sh & 5ons, ead fhe soof-beg1med s1gnboad on one. A
second had fhe name A1hazed emb1azoned 1n anc1enf geen acoss fhe faded b1ckWok.
8e1oW fhe name Was a se1es of Aab1c pofhooks and dashes.
"Lonn1e!" she ca11ed. 1hee Was no echo, no cay1ng 1n sp1fe of fhe s11ence {no,
nof comp1efe s11ence, she fo1d fhem fhee Was sf111 fhe sound of faff1c, and 1f
m1ghf have been c1ose, buf nof much}. 1he Wod fhaf sfood fo he husband seemed fo
dop fom he moufh and fa11 11ke a sfone af he feef. 1he b1ood of sunsef had been
ep1aced by fhe coo1 gay ashes of fW111ghf. Io fhe f1sf f1me 1f occued fo he
fhaf n1ghf m1ghf fa11 upon he hee 1n Couch Lnd -- 1f she Was sf111 1ndeed 1n
Couch Lnd -- and fhaf fhoughf boughf fesh feo.
5he fo1d veffe and Ianham fhaf fhee had been no ef1ecf1on, no 1og1ca1 fa1n of
fhoughf, on he paf du1ng fhe unknoWn 1engfh of f1me befWeen fhe1 a1va1 af fhe
ca11 box and fhe f1na1 hoo. 5he had s1mp1y eacfed, 11ke a f1ghfened an1ma1. And
noW she Was a1one. 5he Wanfed Lonn1e, she Was aWae of fhaf much buf 11ff1e e1se.
Cefa1n1y 1f d1d nof occu fo he fo Wonde Why fh1s aea, Wh1ch musf sue1y 11e
W1fh1n f1ve m11es of Camb1dge C1cus, shou1d be uffe1y desefed.
Do1s Ieeman sef off Wa1k1ng, ca111ng fo he husband. he vo1ce d1d nof echo, buf
he fooffa11s seemed fo. 1he shadoWs began fo f111 No1s koad. Ovehead, fhe sky
Was noW pup1e. lf m1ghf have been some d1sfof1ng effecf of fhe fW111ghf, o he
oWn exhausf1on, buf fhe Waehouses seemed fo 1ean hung11y ove fhe foad. 1he
Page 11
5fephen k1ng - Couch Lnd
W1ndoWs, caked W1fh fhe d1f of decades -- of cenfu1es, pehaps -- seemed fo be
sfa1ng af he. And fhe names on fhe s1gnboads became pogess1ve1y sfange, even
1unaf1c, af fhe vey 1easf, unponounceab1e. 1he voWe1s Wee 1n fhe Wong p1aces,
and consonanfs had been sfung fogefhe 1n a Way fhaf Wou1d make 1f 1mposs1b1e fo
any human fongue fo gef aound 1hem. cfhu1hu kyon ead one, W1fh moe of fhose
Aab1c pofhooks beneafh 1f. yogsoggofh ead anofhe. ye1eh sa1d yef anofhe. 1hee
Was one fhaf she emembeed paf1cu1a1y:
Nk1L5N NYAkLAhO1LP.
"hoW cou1d you emembe such g1bbe1sh?" Ianham asked he. Do1s Ieeman shook he
head, s1oW1y and f1ed1y. "l donf knoW. l ea11y donf. lfs 11ke a n1ghfmae you
Wanf fo fogef as soon as you Wake up, buf 1f Wonf fade aWay 11ke mosf deams do
1f usf sfays and sfays and sfays."
No1s koad seemed fo sfefch on 1nfo 1nf1n1fy, cobb1ed, sp11f by fam facks. And
a1fhough she conf1nued fo Wa1k -- she Wou1dnf have be11eved she cou1d un, a1fhough
1afe, she sa1d, she d1d -- she no 1onge ca11ed fo Lonn1e. 5he Was 1n fhe g1p of
a fe1b1e, bone-aff11ng fea, a fea so geaf she Wou1d nof have be11eved a human
be1ng cou1d endue 1f W1fhouf go1ng mad o dopp1ng dead. lf Was 1mposs1b1e fo he
fo af1cu1afe he fea excepf 1n one Way, and even fh1s, she sa1d, on1y began fo
b1dge fhe gu1f Wh1ch had opened W1fh1n he m1nd and heaf. 5he sa1d 1f Was as 1f
she Wee no 1onge on eafh buf on a d1ffeenf p1anef, a p1ace so a11en fhaf fhe
human m1nd cou1d nof even beg1n fo compehend 1f. 1he ang1es seemed d1ffeenf, she
sa1d. 1he co1os seemed d1ffeenf. 1he... buf 1f Was hope1ess.
5he cou1d on1y Wa1k unde a gna1ed-p1um sky befWeen fhe e1d1fch bu1k1ng bu11d1ngs,
and hope fhaf 1f Wou1d end.
As 1f d1d.
5he became aWae of fWo f1gues sfand1ng on fhe s1deWa11 ahead of he -- fhe
ch11den she and Lonn1e had seen ea11e. 1he boy Was us1ng h1s c1aW-hand fo sfoke
fhe 11ff1e g11s affy ba1ds.
"lfs fhe Ame1can Woman," fhe boy sa1d.
"5hes 1osf," sa1d fhe g11.
"Losf he husband."
"Losf he Way."
"Iound fhe dake Way."
"1he oad fhaf 1eads 1nfo fhe funne1."
"Losf he hope."
"Iound fhe Wh1sf1e fom fhe 5fas -- "
" -- Lafe of D1mens1ons -- "
" -- fhe 811nd P1pe -- "
Iasfe and fasfe fhe1 Wods came, a beafh1ess 11fany, a f1ash1ng 1oom. he head
spun W1fh fhem. 1he bu11d1ngs 1eaned. 1he sfas Wee ouf, buf fhey Wee nof he
sfas, fhe ones she had W1shed on as a g11 o coufed unde as a young Woman, fhese
Wee cazed sfas 1n 1unaf1c consfe11af1ons, and he hands Wenf fo he eas and he
hands d1d nof shuf ouf fhe sounds and f1na11y she sceamed af fhem:
"Whees my husband? Whees Lonn1e? Whaf have you done fo h1m?"
1hee Was s11ence. And fhen fhe g11 sa1d: "hes gone beneafh."
1he boy: "Gone fo fhe Goaf W1fh a 1housand Young."
1he g11 sm11ed -- a ma11c1ous sm11e fu11 of ev11 1nnocence. "he cou1dnf We11 nof
go, cou1d he? 1he mak Was on h1m. You11 go, foo."
"Lonn1e! Whaf have you done W1fh -- "
1he boy a1sed h1s hand and chanfed 1n a h1gh f1uf1ng 1anguage fhaf she cou1d nof
undesfand -- buf fhe sound of fhe Wods dove Do1s Ieeman nea1y mad W1fh fea.
"1he sfeef began fo move fhen," she fo1d veffe and Ianham. "1he cobb1es began fo
undu1afe 11ke a capef. 1hey ose and fe11, ose and fe11. 1he fam facks came
1oose and f1eW 1nfo fhe a1 -- l emembe fhaf, l emembe fhe sfa11ghf sh1n1ng on
fhem -- and fhen fhe cobb1es fhemse1ves began fo come 1oose, one by one af f1sf,
and fhen 1n bunches. 1hey usf f1eW off 1nfo fhe dakness. 1hee Was a fea1ng sound
When fhey came 1oose. A g1nd1ng, fea1ng sound... fhe Way an eafhquake musf sound.
And -- somefh1ng sfafed fo come fhough -- "
"Whaf? veffe asked. he Was hunched foWad, h1s eyes bo1ng 1nfo he. "Whaf d1d
you see? Whaf Was 1f?"
"1enfac1es," she sa1d, s1oW1y and ha1f1ng1y. "l fh1nk 1f Was fenfac1es. 8uf fhey
Wee as fh1ck as o1d banyan fees, as 1f each of fhem Was made up of a fhousand
sma11e ones... and fhee Wee p1nk fh1ngs 11ke suckes... excepf somef1mes fhey
Page 12
5fephen k1ng - Couch Lnd
1ooked 11ke faces... one of fhem 1ooked 11ke Lonn1es face... and a11 of fhem Wee
1n agony. 8e1oW fhem, 1n fhe dakness unde fhe sfeef -- 1n fhe dakness beneafh --
fhee Was somefh1ng e1se. 5omefh1ng 11ke eyes..."
Af fhaf po1nf she had boken doWn, unab1e fo go on fo some f1me, and as 1f funed
ouf, fhee Was ea11y no moe fo fe11. 1he nexf fh1ng she emembeed W1fh any
c1a1fy Was coWe1ng 1n fhe dooWay of a c1osed neWsagenfs shop. 5he m1ghf be fhee
yef, she had fo1d fhem, excepf fhaf she had seen cas pass1ng back and fofh usf up
ahead, and fhe eassu1ng g1oW of ac-sod1um sfeef11ghfs. 1Wo peop1e had passed 1n
fonf of he, and Do1s had c1nged fafhe back 1nfo fhe shadoWs, afa1d of fhe fWo
ev11 ch11den. 8uf fhese Wee nof ch11den, she saW fhey Wee a feenage boy and
g11 Wa1k1ng hand 1n hand. 1he boy Was say1ng somefh1ng abouf fhe neW Maf1n
5cosese f11m.
5hed come ouf onfo fhe s1deWa1k Wa11y, eady fo daf back 1nfo fhe conven1enf
bo1fho1e of fhe neWsagenfs dooWay af a momenfs nof1ce, buf fhee Was no need.
I1ffy yads up Was a modeafe1y busy 1nfesecf1on, W1fh cas and 1o1es sfand1ng af
a sfop-and-go 11ghf. Acoss fhe Way Was a eWe1es shop W1fh a 1age 11ghfed c1ock
1n fhe shoW W1ndoW. A sfee1 accod1on g111e had been daWn acoss, buf she cou1d
sf111 make ouf fhe f1me. lf Was f1ve m1nufes of fen.
5he had Wa1ked up fo fhe 1nfesecf1on fhen, and desp1fe fhe sfeef11ghfs and fhe
comfof1ng umb1e of faff1c, she had kepf shoof1ng fe1f1ed g1ances back ove he
shou1de. 5he ached a11 ove. 5he Was 11mp1ng on one boken hee1. 5he had pu11ed
musc1es 1n he be11y and bofh 1egs -- he 1ghf 1eg Was paf1cu1a1y bad, as 1f she
had sfa1ned somefh1ng 1n 1f.
Af fhe 1nfesecf1on she saW fhaf somehoW she had come aound fo h111f1e1d Avenue and
1offenham koad. unde a sfeef1amp a Woman of abouf s1xfy W1fh he gay1ng ha1
escap1ng fom fhe ag 1f Was done up 1n Was fa1k1ng fo a man of abouf fhe same age.
1hey bofh 1ooked af Do1s as 1f she Wee some sof of deadfu1 appa1f1on.
"Po11ce," Do1s Ieeman coaked. "Whees fhe po11ce sfaf1on? lm an Ame1can
c1f1zen...lve 1osf my husband... l need fhe po11ce."
"Whafs happened, fhen, 1ovey?" fhe Woman asked, nof unk1nd1y. "You 1ook 11ke youve
been fhough fhe W1nge, you do."
"Ca acc1denf?" he compan1on asked.
"No. Nof... nof... P1ease, 1s fhee a po11ce sfaf1on nea hee?"
"k1ghf up 1offenham koad," fhe man sa1d. he fook a package of P1ayes fom h1s
pockef. "L1ke a c1g? You 1ook 11ke you cd use one."
"1hank you," she sa1d, and fook fhe c1gaeffe a1fhough she l had qu1f nea1y fou
yeas ago. 1he e1de1y man had fo fo11oW fhe 1ffe1ng f1p of 1f W1fh h1s 11ghfed
mafch fo gef 1f go1ng fo he.
he g1anced af fhe Woman W1fh he ha1 bound up 1n fhe ag. "l11 usf fake a 11ff1e
sfo11 up W1fh he, Lvv1e. Make sue she gefs fhee a11 1ghf."
"l11 come a1ong as We11, fhen, Wonf l?" Lvv1e sa1d, and puf an am aound Do1ss
shou1des. "NoW Whaf 1s 1f, 1ovey? D1d someone fy fo mug you?"
"No," Do1s sa1d. "lf... l... l... fhe sfeef... fhee Was a caf W1fh on1y one
eye... fhe sfeef opened up... l saW 1f... and fhey sa1d somefh1ng abouf a 811nd
P1pe... lve gof fo f1nd Lonn1e!"
5he Was aWae fhaf she Was speak1ng 1ncoheenc1es, buf she seemed he1p1ess fo be any
c1eae. And af any afe, she fo1d veffe and Ianham, she hadnf been a11 fhaf
1ncoheenf, because fhe man and Woman had daWn aWay fom he, as 1f, When Lvv1e
asked Whaf fhe maffe Was, Do1s had fo1d he 1f Was bubon1c p1ague.
1he man sa1d somefh1ng fhen -- "happened aga1n," Do1s fhoughf 1f Was.
1he Woman po1nfed. "5faf1ons 1ghf up fhee. G1obes hang1ng 1n fonf. You11 see
1f." Mov1ng vey qu1ck1y, fhe fWo of fhem began fo Wa1k aWay. 1he Woman g1anced back
ove he shou1de once Do1s Ieeman saW he W1de, g1eam1ng eyes. Do1s fook fWo
sfeps affe fhem, fo Whaf eason she d1d nof knoW. "Donf ye come nea!" Lvv1e
ca11ed sh111y, and foked fhe s1gn of fhe ev11 eye af he. 5he s1mu1faneous1y
c1nged aga1nsf fhe man, Who puf an am abouf he. "Donf you come nea, 1f youve
been fo Couch Lnd 1oWen!"
And W1fh fhaf, fhe fWo of fhem had d1sappeaed 1nfo fhe n1ghf.
NoW PC Ianham sfood 1ean1ng 1n fhe dooWay befWeen fhe common oom and fhe ma1n
f111ng oom -- a1fhough fhe back f11es veffe had spoken of Wee cefa1n1y nof kepf
hee. Ianham had made h1mse1f a fesh cup of fea and Was smok1ng fhe 1asf c1gaeffe
1n h1s pack -- fhe Woman had a1so he1ped hese1f fo sevea1.
5hed gone back fo he hofe1, 1n fhe company of fhe nuse veffe had ca11ed -- fhe
Page 13
5fephen k1ng - Couch Lnd
nuse Wou1d be sfay1ng W1fh he fon1ghf, and Wou1d make a udgemenf 1n fhe mon1ng
as fo Whefhe fhe Woman Wou1d need fo go 1n hosp1fa1. 1he ch11den Wou1d make fhaf
d1ff1cu1f, Ianham supposed, and fhe Womans be1ng an Ame1can a1mosf guaanfeed a
f1sf-c1ass cock-up. he Wondeed Whaf she Was go1ng fo fe11 fhe k1dd1es When fhey
Woke up fomooW, assum1ng she Was capab1e of fe111ng fhem anyfh1ng. Wou1d she
gafhe fhem ound and fe11 fhem fhaf fhe b1g bad monsfe of Couch Lnd 1oWn
{1oWen}
had eafen up Daddy 11ke an oge 1n a fa1y-sfoy?
Ianham g1maced and puf doWn h1s feacup. lf Wasnf h1s pob1em. Io good o fo
111, Ms. Ieeman had become sandW1ched befWeen fhe 81f1sh consfabu1ay and fhe
Ame1can Lmbassy 1n fhe geaf Wa1fz of govenmenfs. lf Was none of h1s affa1 he
Was on1y a PC Who Wanfed fo fogef fhe Who1e fh1ng. And he 1nfended fo 1ef veffe
W1fe fhe epof. veffe cou1d affod fo puf h1s name fo such a bouquef of 1unacy
he Was an o1d man, used up. he Wou1d sf111 be a PC on fhe n1ghf sh1ff When he gof
h1s go1d Wafch, h1s pens1on, and h1s counc11 f1af. Ianham, on fhe ofhe hand, had
amb1f1ons of mak1ng segeanf soon, and fhaf meanf he had fo Wafch evey 11ff1e
posey.
And speak1ng of veffe, Whee Was he? hed been fak1ng fhe n1ghf a1 fo qu1fe
aWh11e noW.
Ianham cossed fhe common oom and Wenf ouf. he sfood befWeen fhe fWo
11ghfed-g1obes and sfaed acoss 1offenham koad. veffe Was noWhee 1n s1ghf. lf Was
pasf 3:00 a.m., and s11ence 1ay fh1ck and even, 11ke a shoud. Whaf Was fhaf 11ne
fom WodsWofh? "A11 fhaf geaf heaf 1y1ng sf111," o somefh1ng 11ke.
he Wenf doWn fhe sfeps and sfood on fhe s1deWa1k, fee11ng a f1ck1e of unease noW.
lf Was s111y, of couse, and he Was angy W1fh h1mse1f fo a11oW1ng fhe Womans mad
sfoy fo ga1n even fh1s much of a foofho1d 1n h1s head. Pehaps he deseved fo be
afa1d of a had coppe 11ke 51d kaymond.
Ianham Wa1ked s1oW1y up fo fhe cone, fh1nk1ng he Wou1d meef veffe com1ng back
fom h1s n1ghf sfo11. 8uf he Wou1d go no fafhe 1f fhe sfaf1on Was 1eff empfy
even fo a feW momenfs, fhee Wou1d be he11 fo pay 1f 1f Was d1scoveed. he eached
fhe cone and 1ooked aound. lf Was funny, buf a11 fhe ac-sod1ums seemed fo have
gone ouf up hee. 1he enf1e sfeef 1ooked d1ffeenf W1fhouf fhem. Wou1d 1f have fo
be epofed, he Wondeed? And Whee Was veffe?
he Wou1d Wa1k usf a 11ff1e fafhe, he dec1ded, and see Whaf l Was Whaf. 8uf nof
fa. lf s1mp1y Wou1dnf do fo 1eave fhe sfaf1on unaffended fo 1ong.
Jusf a 11ff1e Way.
veffe came 1n 1ess fhan f1ve m1nufes affe Ianham had 1eff. Ianham had gone 1n
fhe oppos1fe d1ecf1on, and 1f veffe had come a1ong a m1nufe ea11e, he Wou1d have
seen fhe young consfab1e sfand1ng 1ndec1s1ve1y af fhe cone fo a momenf befoe
fun1ng 1f and d1sappea1ng foeve.
"Ianham?
No ansWe buf fhe buzz of fhe c1ock on fhe Wa11.
"Ianham?" he ca11ed aga1n, and fhen W1ped h1s moufh W1fh fhe pa1m of h1s hand.
Do1s Ieeman Was com1ng ouf of fhe esf home, he ha1 a1mosf enf1e1y Wh1fe noW,
Ms. Ianham moved back fo Lssex, Whee he paenfs 11ved. Lvenfua11y she ma1ed a
man 1n a safe 11ne of Wok -- Iank hobbs 1s a bumpe 1nspecfo on fhe Iod
assemb1y 11ne. lf had been necessay fo gef a d1voce fom he 8ob on gounds of
desef1on, buf fhaf Was eas11y managed.
veffe fook ea1y ef1emenf abouf fou monfhs affe Do1s Ieeman had sfumb1ed 1nfo
fhe sfaf1on 1n 1offenham Lane. he d1d 1ndeed move 1nfo counc11 hous1ng, a
fWo-above-fhe-shops 1n I1m1ey. 51x monfhs 1afe he Was found dead of a heaf
affack, a can of hap Lage 1n h1s hand.
And 1n Couch Lnd, Wh1ch 1s ea11y a qu1ef subub of London, sfange fh1ngs sf111
happen fom f1me fo f1me, and peop1e have been knoWn fo 1ose fhe1 Way. 5ome of fhem
1ose 1f foeve.
Lonn1e Ieeman Was neve found. Lvenfua11y h1s W1fe {Who had begun fo gay aound
fhe femp1es} f1eW back fo Ame1ca W1fh he ch11den. 1hey Wenf on Concode. A monfh
1afe she affempfed su1c1de. 5he spenf n1nefy days 1n a esf home and came ouf much
1mpoved. 5omef1mes When she cannof s1eep -- fh1s occus mosf fequenf1y on n1ghfs
When fhe sun goes doWn 1n a ba11 of ed and oange -- she ceeps 1nfo he c1osef,
knee-Wa1ks unde fhe hang1ng desses a11 fhe Way fo fhe back, and fhee she W1fes
8eWae fhe Goaf W1fh a 1housand Young ove and ove W1fh a soff penc11. lf seems fo
ease he somehoW fo do fh1s.
Page 14
5fephen k1ng - Couch Lnd
PC kobef Ianham 1eff a W1fe and fWo-yea-o1d fW1n g11s. 5he11a Ianham Wofe a
se1es of angy 1effes fo he MP, 1ns1sf1ng fhaf somefh1ng Was go1ng on, somefh1ng
Was be1ng coveed up, fhaf he 8ob had been enf1ced 1nfo fak1ng some dangeous sof
of undecove ass1gnmenf. he Wou1d have done anyfh1ng fo make segeanf, Ms. Ianham
epeafed1y fo1d fhe MP. Lvenfua11y fhaf Wofhy sfopped ansWe1ng he 1effes, and af
abouf fhe same f1me
Page 15