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This edition published in 2013 by Ulterior Motives Publishing, Copyright © 2013 Jayme Karales. The right of Jayme Karales to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs, and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without written permission of the publishers. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for danger. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. All rights reserved.
ISBN: 0615768474 ISBN-13: 978-0615768472
Manufactured in San Francisco, CA. by Ulterior Motives Publishing.
my cat smells like leukemia
my favorite kind of bagel is onion. i hate people who put peanut butter on their bagels. those people are fuckheads. those people are the same people that like nutella. fuck nutella. peanut butter belongs on wonder bread. my cat is named archie. archie likes to rub his face against the corner of my laptop when i write. his breath is putrid. it smells like a penis wrapped in garbage. i went for iced coffee this morning and left my macbook on the kitchen table. archie drooled on it.
sometimes i let my dog lick the inside of my mouth. his tongue is soft against my teeth. i am antiflossing.
i invited my girlfriend over for coffee. we drank coffee, said nothing, and then she left. she might not be my girlfriend. somebody on facebook wrote that they met the little black kid from full house. i said, ‘what little black kid?’ they never answered. archie thinks he can shit outside his litter box without consequence. he is wrong. his shit is always green and soft. it makes me angry. archie might be sick.
i put a cockroach in the microwave and watched an episode of seinfeld. why do white people like this show? archie puked on my dog’s food bowl. my dog didn’t mind. i got the mail in my boxers. my neighbor said, “lookin’ good.” i said nothing.
today was the day of my 15th high school reunion. i don’t know why they hold reunions every five years. it cheapens the concept. i didn’t go, based on principle.
i went downtown to buy new shoes. an old lady wearing a wedding dress tried to sell me a nintendo wii. she did this standing outside of the subway. i did not think her business was legitimate.
i think i’m going to take up smoking cigarettes. i saw a black guy smoking parliaments outside of wal-mart. he looked cool. i often wonder what killing myself would be like. i would imagine bad.
archie didn’t leave his bed this morning. his ribs are starting to show. his breathing sounds muffled, like a walrus with emphysema. he reminds me of a child with aids. referencing aids is so 2007. i am full of self-loathing right now.
i read, do androids dream of electric sheep, to archie. he seemed indifferent. i am not sure if he knows what an android is.
i ate chap-stick for lunch. teenage mutant ninja turtles 2 was on the TV. vanilla ice is very talented. but only when he raps about ninjas.
I found archie dead this morning. There was a needle half-full of heroin stuck in his arm. I never knew he had a drug problem.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jayme Karales is the author of the novel, Disorderly, set to be released by Before Sunrise Press. His work has been published by Flash Fiction 365, BSP eBooks, and a number of other independent literary outlets. He lives in Boston, MA.